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[saintescuderia]

pancakes (pt. 6)

AKA - the story of how the naive australian rookie befriended the gym junkie F1 hospitality worker with the shoe collection - and inadvertently broke the grid's most treasured and unspoken rule: you don't go for y/n.

series masterlist here :) // the pancakes recipe here :)

antinal reference ;)

A/N: to make up for being MIA (and that this sunday might be another miss) here's a double update. enjoy.

P6 - pre-workout for jet-lag

You still found it odd to call Australia home.

You had mixed feelings about the country stamped across the front page of your passport. Your auntie had been the one to organise the papers so that Australian would be your identification. Never mind the hospital bed in Monaco that you were birthed. Or that you were first words were in Arabic. 

Still, your travelling auntie’s own experiences meant that when you came into her care, she would raise you Australian. Never mind any of the other stuff. 

So, when you walked into the house in Melbourne, you were met with an Egyptian lady playing French music, dressed in a Korean football jersey, cooking Greek food. Such was the life of a nomadic English teacher that was your aunt Nadia. Dia for short.

“Ah, it's you." She sat, spying you hauling the suitcase through the door. She looked at the clock by the fridge and then frowned. "You weren't supposed to land yet."

"I landed an hour ago." You said. She looked at the clock again and took it off the fridge. She banged it with one hand and then shook her head, muttering under breath.

"I'm sorry. Did you take an Uber?"

"No. Oscar gave me a lift." Well, technically his father had driven the car.

Oscar’s parents were apparently super excited to meet you and gushed all through the way about how glad they were that their son had you to help him through F1. They had even insisted on dinner but Oscar knew you had stayed up - you had made him do the same thing as you - and thankfully postponed it for a breakfast tomorrow after you both got to finally got to sleep. 

Upon leaving Jeddah, you had looked at the flight times and decided to overdose the 400mg of pre-workout and strategically placeyour workout just before leaving the hotel so that you and Oscar could both avoid the jet-lag many other F1 personnel were struggling with.

So far, it was on track to working. You just needed to push through a few more hours. To do so, Oscar was going to watch the footy. You were going to watch football.

“Ah, this young Oscar." Your aunt was nodding. "I like him. He has a trusting face.” She laughed at you, doing nothing to help but continue to watch you clamber into the well-loved and mis-matched dining furniture in her kitchen. “You hungry?”

“Tired.” You said, checking the time. It was 5pm but you were ready to knock out. Just a few more hours. You willed yourself to push through and avoid the jet-lag.

“Did you eat?”

You hadn’t. You never ate airplane food. 

The silence was answer enough as your auntie plated up some gyros for you. The smells of the seasoned meat filled your nose and your stomach rumbled at the site of it. You picked up your fork, ignoring the bread for the sake of your cut but helping yourself to tzatziki. 

"What's with the Korean jersey." You couldn't help but ask. You watched your auntie's back with CHO GUE-SUNG.

"Oh, he's such a handsome man. So polite too. I met him when I was teaching abroad in Seoul."

You opened your mouth but closed it. Your auntie lived a very unbelievable life at the best of times.

"He was nice. Nice face. Good hair. You should date him." Dia said as if she was commenting about the weather and you rolled your eyes, chewing through the food. She gave you a look. "Better a footballer than a driver."

You gave her a look. She never did like Danny. Much less you two together.

"Speaking of footballers, your uncle called. Went on and on in Italian about how your talents are wasted with cars and you should come to a real sport."

You snorted hearing this. Your uncle's work in football (not soccer, football) and your line of expertise had some people baffled that you hadn't joined him. Only the select few who knew your mother understood just why that was.

Still, every month your uncle sighed at the wasted talent! that you, a world class performance trainer! was stuck making coffee! for some fancy drivers!

Save that your uncle would add in a few choice Italian expletives in the mix.

"So, the usual?" You concluded.

"The usual." Dia nodded. She came to sit down in front of you. Pulling out her phone, she began showing you pictures of her recent teaching stint in South Korea. Your aunt had been there for about six months, working at an international school. And befriending Korean football players apparently.

“I thought you were teaching in Paris.” You said between mouthfuls of seasoned meat. 

“That was before.” Dia waved a dismissive hand. She dropped her phone and then stood up to pull out two wine glasses. Your aunt gave you a look and you shook your head. She put one back with a roll of her eye. “Wine is good for you.”

“I’m already taking resveratrol.” You said. “And I’m on a cut.”

“That’s why no bread.” Dialooked down at the plate full of untouched pita bread. She was well aware of your health habits. “Actually, I went to Egypt recently! Ah!” She went to the cupboard above the microwave and pulled out a shoebox full of small boxes. You knew immediately what it was. Bringing the shoebox to the table, Dia began pulling out various medicines she had brought from Egypt. 

“You will need this for your travels.”

“I have all of this.”

“Do you have Antinal?”

“Yes.”

“Take some extra." Dia still pushed it to you. "Give it to Charles.”

“I don’t speak to Charles.” You said.

Your aunt huffed and looked up at the ceiling, calling to God. “Ya rab. This fight with Charles needs to stop. Pascale and I are sick of it.” You didn’t comment any further on it. It was, admittedly, quite hard when there were so many other people involved. Pascale and Nadia were best friends. It was how you and Charles had grown up so close. The fact that you were family friends made it hard since Charles had pretty much cut you off. Granted, he was polite and you knew he still greeted your aunt Dia with a kiss on each cheek every time she’d visited Monaco. But still. 

“I will give them to Charles.” She said, taking a box back.

“You do that.” You said as she still pushed one boxes of the yellow medicine in front of you. “Dia, I already have this.”

“For Oscar. Yallah.”

“Anti-diarrhoea pills?"

"Oi, mate. You better be grateful. That shit's a miracle." You said, dropping the yellow box in Oscar's hands as you both walked down the Paddock. You had checked your phone this morning to the beautiful news that you would be working for McLaren today. You texted Oscar the news and the next day he had your coffee order ready in the cupholder of the car he picked up you up in. 

It didn't feel odd. It should've, but it didn't. Maybe it was because you and Oscar had already spent the most of the morning together. You had breakfast with his parents - his dad taking a moment to quietly pull you aside to say thank you for supporting Oscar - and then hit a gym sesh.

In fact, you almost forgot that you and Oscar was supposed to be working in different domains until you both had to get dressed and found him waiting for you outside the Paddock dressed in shorts, a McLaren t-shirt and accompanying brand cap.

It made you look down at your black Hospitality wear and wonder just how things would go if you were wearing the same clothes as him.

Well, for one thing, you would have to wear those ugly ass shoes. You looked down at your feet clad in some Nike Cortez and tried to take that as consolation. You weren't dressed in team uniform but at least that meant you had your shoes.

Still, the oddity of seeing a driver openly interact with the Hospitality staff turned some head as you walked down the Paddock together. You were half tempted to tell Oscar to go ahead but it didn't make sense. You were both going to the same place - the McLaren motorhome.

Oscar, however, was barely paying attention to any of this. No, his attention was still stuck on the medicine you had given him.

"Why do I need," He paused and flipped the box over to read the label that was in English, "Antinal?"

"Because you're travelling around the world more now that you're in F1 and have an additional ten or so race weekends added to your calendar." You explained as Oscar read what minimal English was on the medicine box "And so you're gonna be trying a lot more foreign food. Gotta be prepared, man." You patted him on the shoulders as a form of consolation. Oscar just laughed. 

"I must say, when you texted me that you had got me something, I didn't think it would be this."

"Technically my auntie did." You said before explaining how you would probably needed to purchase another 23kg suitcase from all the things your aunty was adamant you have with you for the rest of the season. Oscar was laughing at the five packets of sunflower seeds your aunt thought was an essential when you clocked it. 

Or, better yet, them. Charles and Carlos.

Both staring at you. And Oscar. 

You felt a jolt rush through you realised. Oscar's latest girlfriend update went to background noise as you took in the two Ferrari drivers stood there.

Carlos was appraising, his head slightly tilted as he clearly was observing the two of you. You could only imagine what he noted.

You. Oscar. Laughter. Gift exchanged. Mention of relatives and close family.

Still, the kind Spaniard's eyes were a lot easy to take in than Charles. 

Charles who was clearly fuming. 

Or, clearly to you. You knew his angry tells. Right fist clenches then unfurls. Left hand runs through hair. Lips are pursed. And then he walks off. 

You watched as Charles said something to Carlos and then turned around to stalk off. You watched his retreating form with forlorn eyes and before you caught Carlos looking at you. The furrow between your brows where you had probably stared longingly after the best friend who left you in the dust immediately fell when you looked at Carlos. 

That was the first time that Charles was actually acknowledging your existence in how long.

You drew your eyes back to Carlos who was still looking at you. You smiled you found yourself even lifting up a hand to wave. You saw his eyebrows raise slightly and his lips lift into a smile. He waved back. Then someone called his name and you saw his cousin and manager appear from the Ferrari motorhome. You turned back to look at Oscar who was still talking, unaware of anything that happened in the past minute.

"... anyway Lily wants to meet you and - "

"Have you copped any shit?" You interrupted Oscar and turned to him. You had both neared the McLaren Motorhome and knew this would be where you both parted ways. 

"Copped shit from who?"

"Other drivers." You specified.

"I mean I haven't really had a chance to speak with them." Oscar said, pursing his lips as if he thought about it. "The Williams guys are nice. Alex is funny."

"Alex is funny." You agreed. You did like Alex. He had a good heart. You would forever be salty at what Red Bull did to him. 

"Lewis said hello, which was nice. Fernando reminded me his career is older than me." You couldn't help but snort at that. Oh, Nando.

"And Lando is... well, Lando." You perfectly understood just what Oscar meant by that. His words, however, also confirmed what you had suspected. None of the 'core' drivers that surrounded Ferrari or Red Bull's circles had come near him. You knew that many of the guys had gone out a few times to celebrate the start of the season and the fact that Oscar had very clearly not been invited was, well, getting to you.

Especially since you were 99.9% sure you were the reason why. 

You stared at the young Australian boy in front of you and felt two things wash over you. 

The first was sadness.

A lame word but there was no other way to describe it. Infuriated, annoyed, hurt - sure. But you were also just sad. Sad that this was your life and that anyone close to you still managed to get tainted by the things you were forced to lug around yourself. 

The second was fondness.

The boy was young and innocent but carried himself with wisdom and dignity beyond his mere 20 years. And his dry ass sarcasm was a special type of humour you missed having around you. He was caring, loyal and an overall good sport. Having Oscar around made you realise how long it has been since you've laughed. He drove you the airport, bought you food and stayed up to watch old FRIENDS reruns after finding out Daniel Ricciardo had cornered you in the gym. 

"Your love language is quality time." Was his reasoning when he had arrived at your hotel room. And so he ordered some KFC and got comfortable in your hotel room to watch Chandler and Joey forget Ross' baby on a bus. You knew Oscar didn't like sit-coms -- it was a recurring argument -- but he watched five episodes that night after you had texted him feeling panicked and needing help when Daniel arrived drunk at the gym.

In short, in that moment, you were suddenly hyperaware of how much you really, really, really fucking loved Oscar Piastri. 

So maybe that's why you just came out with it. 

"Jos Verstappen has a restraining order against me." 

Oscar blinked. Once. Twice. Clearly he wasn't expecting you to say that. You weren't even expecting you to really say it. 

"Come again?"

"Well his wife does." You corrected. "Because the courts wouldn't accept a man of his size him to need protection from little old me." You rubbed your arm, feeling the full vulnerability of what you were doing. You thought of your next words carefully, making sure to not step over the NDA you had signed. "I used to train Max when he was at Torro Rosso and then at Red Bull. I always saw bruises on his arms. One day I..." you huffed, hating that you legally couldn't say what had actually happened. "Well, I ended up beating Jos Verstappen half to death."

Oscar was silent. His face was void of much reaction. He wasn't even looking you in the face but staring at the ground in his pensive state. You were aware that you both had stopped walking and were stood to the side. 

"Is that why you don't officially work as a trainer and had to be all pedantic with training me?" All you could do was nod to his question. Oscar shook his head. "I mean, I've heard the stories about Max and his dad but..." 

Now it was your turn to blink. Once. Twice. You frowned and Oscar finally met your eyes and you were stunned to see the easy going grin on his face once more. It hadn't disappeared. "I can only guess you had to sign an NDA and this isn't the full story. And even if it is, well, it's enough to know you were protecting someone from a -- well, an abuser." 

"I... Yeah. Thanks." You weren't sure what you were thanking him for. For believing you? For not treating you differently? For taking your side when everyone in Formula 1 had dropped you and treated you like a leper?

"Is that why you and Ricciardo fell through?" Oscar asked. It wasn't nosy. You had explained enough to him. It was enough he knew what happened. 

"No Danny, he, uh-." You hated how small your voice sounded. Or that you immediately fell back to his nickname. "He cheated."  

Oscar was silent, waiting for you to continue. And so you did so. You told him everything. From Daniel to Charles to the moment you punched Jos Verstappen in the face.

Carlos Sainz was ready to punch someone in the face.

He sat there at the table, fist curled tight as he tried to calm down from all that he was hearing. It seems like his name would only be an added tag to an otherwise Charles Leclerc fest of a season. Carlos knew, sure, that coming into a Ferrari where his teammate was known as Il Predestinato would mean that he needed to prove himself, put himself in the spotlight and make the Tifosi give him a name like that.

However, as the current race strategy meeting was showing, it seemed like no one in Ferrari was going to give Carlos the chance.

"Now, boys, I have something to discuss with you two." Fred said as people were starting to leave and the meeting seemingly coming to an end. Carlos wanted nothing more than to get up and storm off but he reigned it and listened to the change in Fred's tone.

"What's up?" Charles asked, sitting up.

"Quietly, there was a team principal meeting with Domenicali." Fred said, and this time Carlos sat up also. His anger was momentarily forgotten as his interest piqued. "McLaren have unofficially started working with a girl to train their rookie." Charles was playing with his APM Monaco bracelets, somewhat paying attention. Carlos watched him. There was one particular bracelet he always fiddled with, a small gold chain tucked amidst all the other extravagant pieces.

"She's a Hospitality worker."

Carlos saw how Charles froze. His teammate looked up. Carlos saw the horrified look on his face.

"Quoi?" The French slip was only further proof of something. Carlos's mind raced to make the connection.

The lighbulb went off just before Fred said it.

"She was your friend, non?" Fred said. "Worked with Max Verstappen in Torro Rosso." His eyes flickering over to Carlos. They had been teammates back then.

Charles's years and years of media training went out the window as he struggled to make sense of what he was hearing. Carlos, however, was suddenly thrown back a few years and thinking about just who had caused this whole shitstorm.

You.

Carlos said your name, feeling something swell up in him by saying your name in front of Charles who was your former best friend. Maybe it was ego from the recent meeting, but Carlo wanted to drive the knife in a little deeper.

"She's a very good trainer. I watched her sessions with Verstappen." And that wasn't on showing up Charles; it was the truth. Max's dominance needed to be at least somewhat accredited to you.

"Turns out she is not allowed to work for new teams." Fred spoke. "That means for McLaren to hire her goes against some contract Formula 1 put in place after an incident with Verstappen."

There was a pause. Carlos waited for Charles to say something - to say it. He didn't. So Carlos did.

"She was defending Max." Carlos said, defending you when he thought the silent Monacoan beside him would've. Didn't you two grow up together?

The Verstappen Incident, Carlos was well aware of. However, whatever happened between you and Charles... well, Carlos was out of the loop.

"It doesn't matter." Fred waved. "I'm not here to speak of the drama. But I did have a look. Mattia never told me but she has ties with Ferrari from before - "

"But she's a Hospitality worker!" Charles finally spoke up. "Mattia he-- I spoke to him about her."

"You did?" Fred took that piece in. Carlos wanted to scoff. Clearly Mattia hadn't mentioned that in the hand over notes. "What did Mattia say?" Fred asked.

"Peut-être on peut parler juste nous deux." Charles said, the switch the French reigniting Carlos' anger once more. He forced himself to breathe steadily while Fred nodded. Both men had often tried to keep to English in front of him for the sake of manners and being polite, as opposed to using their mother tongue and making Carlos feel, well, like he felt now. Excluded. Enraged.

Still, Carlos' French skills were okay enough for understand what Charles had said. He stood up and, in French, said. "I'll leave you two." Without looking back, he walked out the motorhome trying to steel himself.

He really wanted to punch something.

Walking a little ways down the Paddock, he took deep breaths and shot a flurry of texts to his dad. He needed his advice on what to do given the way the meeting had gone. It was then that a girl on rollerblades holding the Australian flag zoomed past him and Carlos looked up.

The entertainment at Albert Park never missed. Carlos smiled slightly. Australia was a fun circuit. Not his favourite track by any means but the actual circuit itself had a lot going on that he enjoyed. It was lively, music always pumping and the weather was nice.

Still, the sounds of laughter and the faint dance music that echoed through the Paddock weren't enough to lift his spirits.

And then he saw you.

You were walking with Lando's new teammate, the infamous Oscar something. He hadn't paid much attention to the newbie, hearing something vaguely about Alpine drama from Lando. It all had gone in one ear and out the other.

Now, Carlos saw you walking with him and suddenly he wished he knew more about the kid. Why him? Why were you friends with him? Since when did you have friends? And why risk it all just to train him?

Carlos had always been perfectly polite, nice. Why didn't you laugh with him? Why didn't you reach into your bag to pull out a small box and hand to him as you explained him whatever gift you had brought him? What made this Oscar kid so lucky?

Maybe it was just the Australians seeking out one another? Everyone on the Grid knew you had dated Ricciardo. That had been a painful experience. It was one thing to have pined after you, as Max his teammate's trainer. It was another to see you get swept off your feet by the senior Red Bull driver that everyone adored. Carlos' days at Red Bull sucked since all he did was think about you - and you barely paid him any attention.

Sure, he was now no longer Ricciardo's junior but it still got to him. Daniel Ricciardo had waltzed in and you had gone wide-eyed before Carlos could've even tried.

Because he would've. He really would've. Even before his dad told him who your uncle was. Even before he tried your cooking, your coffee. Even before he knew your name. A young Carlos Sainz had seen a pretty girl walking around in the same Real Madrid kit that he owned at home and immediately wanted to go up to her, to ask her name, to ask her out.

Carlos felt the door behind him open and out came Charles. He looked completely at ease despite what had occurred before. He patted Carlos on the shoulder. And just as he did that, Carlos' phone beeped. His father.

Don't get mad. Just get even on the track.

Carlos pocketed his phone but felt something ignite inside him. He would do that. It wasn't Charles' fault for Ferrari's favouritism. Carlos had to admit the Monégasque was a genuinely nice guy.

"You alright, mate?" Charles asked. "I'm really sorry about before."

"I'm alright. Excited for the race." Carlos said, changing the subject and not mentioning it at all. If anything, he would stay out if it all and just focus on the race, on proving everyone wrong. He take his father's advice and make his own mark in this team.

"Ah, Australia is always special." Charles said.

Despite what his father had said, anger came back within Carlos. It was the same anger he felt towards that Australian kid. And Daniel Ricciardo. And, to an extent, Max.

Carlos was jealous. Not for Charles' favouritism from Ferrari, but the favouritism from you. Charles had you and he'd thrown you out for whatever reason.

Carlos' eyes came back to you and suddenly he couldn't help himself. Sure, he could stay out of all the Ferrari drama but this was you. He couldn't stay out of it when you were right there, walking beside the new kid who didn't know that Charles had essentially banned every driver from interacting with you.

"Yeah?" Carlos spoke before he even realised. "What's so special about Australia?"

The answer was obvious: you.

You were what had been so special. Carlos' days at Torro Rosso meant that he knew about how you felt towards Albert Park, that it was almost like your home race.

For one, you didn't stay at the Crown Casino hotel like the rest of them. No, instead you stayed at your auntie's place by the beach. Carlos knew that from the time he had to drive a passed out Max Verstappen to said home back in 2017.

Charles' smile dropped slightly. Then he brought it back up. "Ah, you know. The sun, the people. There is a special energy here that - "

He stopped talking.

Carlos knew that his teammate had finally spotted you also. Turning his head to look over at Charles, Carlos took in the look of utter rage on his teammate's face.

And then, you looked up. You noticed him. Them. You met his eyes and then you looked at Charles. The McLaren driver was still talking beside you, oblivious to how you had clearly stopped listening to him. Charles took a deep breath.

He stormed off.

Carlos couldn't help but roll his eyes. He didn't know the truth, but Carlos had heard the many rumours as to why Charles had cut you off. He thought they were all rubbish.

Looking back at you, Carlos met your eyes once more and he thought about his options.

He knew that you were in part responsible for training one of the best drivers on the grid. He also knew that it would take a bit of a miracle to help him outperform Charles Leclerc and show Ferrari what was what.

But hey, if this Oscar kid was going to go against the grid's treasured and unspoken rule, why couldn't he?

You really jinxed yourself.

At first, the Australian Grand Prix was off to a great start. Sleeping at home meant that you had more comfortable waking in a bed that was familiar - and not stuck in some isolating three star hotel room that made you question the hotel rating system.

Three stars with suspicious smells coming from the closet? No, thank you.

Instead, you got to wake up to your auntie humming as she prepared her own version of pancakes. It had been a long time since anyone had made pancakes for you. And even though you had breakfast plans with Oscar and his family, you still ate some of her and kissed her goodbye as you went to the circuit.

By car. You drove yourself. In your beloved Supra, the one that had essentially taught you everything you knew about cars (that and Top Gear) were finally united.

And that in itself was a beautiful fucking thing.

There were a small handful of circuits in where you had a car in the country and could actually drive yourself. Australia was one of them. Japan was another. Monaco was the other.

Then again, Monaco was far too crazy to be driving during a race weekend anyway. Still, it was nice to be able to play some calming lo-fi beats as you drove the familiar Lakeside Drive that led up to the street circuit that was built around the lake. Your lake.

You had found yourself a good parking spot and the cafe vendor recognised you and gave you a free latte. Some marshalls walking by were joking about something nonsensical but the banter and accent made you feel warm inside. No matter the complicated feelings that being Australian brought up, you still enjoyed the laid-back attitudes that came with the softened ds and ts.

You had a good gym session, showing progress with your training. You dropped another kilogram off with the cut working well and then you were ready to go to the safe confined of the McLaren motorhome.

And then you saw the message from your co-worker.

Sorry bro. There's been a change in the roster because Mack called in sick. You're going to be covering him at Ferrari for the rest of the race weekend.

You really had jinxed yourself.

< prev ch [5] | next ch [7] >

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[artifacts-and-arthropods]

The Common Whistling Moth: the males of this species produce a "whistling" sound to attract potential mates

The common whistling moth (Hecatesia fenestrata) is able to "whistle" with a set of castanet-like structures located on the leading edges of the forewings.

Above: the forewing of a male whistling moth, with the transparent "castanet" structure clearly visible

These unique structures are basically just curved, transparent patches of cuticle with a pleated/ridged texture and a knob-like protrusion; when the moth claps its wings together, the knob-like protrusion from one wing rubs up against the cuticle ridges on the opposite wing, and a distinctive "clicking-whistling" sound is produced.

Male whistling moths typically "whistle" during courtship rituals and territorial displays. In some cases, they will fly in circles around one another as they whistle competitively, in a behavior known as "buzz-bumping." As this article explains:

Only a few [noctuid moth species] have proved to use sound during courtship. Among these are males of the Australian whistling moths Hecatesia exultans, H. fenestrata and H. thyridion.

The signals function primarily in a mate-attraction mode. Females approach calling males and solicit copulations. The mating system of Hecatesia appears to be an example of lek polygyny. Males defend territories that lack resources or oviposition sites.

Above: female whistling moth

Male–male agonistic interactions are also mediated by acoustic signals. Males frequently approach males calling nearby, and territorial ‘buzz-bumping’ matches result in which vigorous calls are interspersed with attempts to butt the intruder.

H. thyridion and H. fenestrata have similar acoustically mediated mating systems. Males in these species call during special upwind zigzagging display flights over their territories. Instead of ‘buzz-bumping,’ territorial males participate in buzzing aerial ‘dogfights’ with intruding males.

The genus Hecatesia contains several different species of "whistling moth," all of which are endemic to Australia. Each species produces its own unique whistle; the exact social context/role of that behavior also differs slightly from one species to the next.

Sources & More Info:

Journal of Experimental Biology: 'Un chant d'appel amoureux': Acoustic Communication in Moths

Australian Lepidoptera: Hecatesia fenestrata

Field Guide to the Insects of Tasmania: Genus Hecatesia

Journal of Experimental Biology: Moths are not Silent, but Whisper Ultrasonic Courtship Songs

Communicative and Integrative Biology: Private Ultrasonic Whispering in Moths

[mtf-pupperino]

Just dreamt I matched with a hunky guy on tinder who eventually said he could tell I was trans and was gonna forcibly detrans me at least partially 😵‍💫 he showed me vids of other ex-mtfs shaking their deflated moobs whilst looking like your average gay twinks, and said to change my name, phone number and ID by going to these sites and then to come to Australia where nobody knew me, all for free. He knew how hard being misgendered and treated like the boy I am makes me and that there was sooo many handsome and pretty guys including himself waiting for me to take the leap. Seeing those messages, I couldn’t help but try to find somewhere private to stroke myself silly whilst in the dream. Lets just say when I woke up my cock was as stiff as rock and I was super disappointed to realize that man was not in my tinder dms after all 🥹

[pantspissedinreverse]

hey i love seeing ur posts about comp tf2, do you have any advice for a wannabe sixes medic? ive been watching a lot of recorded games and demo reviews and stuff and it looks like a lot of fun but actually playing a match myself sounds so daunting and scary

hello anon! thanks for asking and im glad that youve thought about playing comp :)

this ended up really long so under the cut it goes

to start with some outside stuff youll need:

a discord account

a mic (or any other audio input device)

mumble (optional)

from what ive seen, the biggest leagues all have discord servers where players can find scrims or teams and teammates (in the case of rgl) but also teams use discord because its a quick, easy and cheep way to keep in touch

now, a league, there are 5 leagues but ive only played in 2 of them as they are region specific, there are:

rgl (NA/north american league)

etf2l (EU/european league)

ozfortress (oceania/australia league)

asiafortress (asian league, site is down rn?)

ugc (international, the old league where it all started)

now the best way to get into comp is probably through a newbie cup, a shorter season for new players with dedicated coaches provided, but the only one that regularly runs is by an NA pug group, speaking of, another good way to start is through pugs! (or mixes if youre in eu) pugs or pick up games or mixes are run either by the league or an independent person, in NA the biggest non-league pug group i know is tf2 coaching central or tf2cc for short, they also run the newbie cup and are based entirely on discord! in EU, mixes are run usually through sites and require mumble, the biggest being tf2center which id say is much more beginner friendly and hosts more formats than the other site, tf2pickup.eu where you can only play 6s and will usually find players that have been playing since season 2 (etf2l is on season 47)

also! every friday (if there are enough people) there are newbie mixes! basically a mix/pug with a coach, i havent personally played but ive heard its good

now if you find a league that works for you, heres some settings that youll need:

enable developer console

this will allow you to open the developer console, this is a nifty little thing because it allows you to do all kinds of crap, for example, connecting to a specific server if you have the connect info, which is very important in comp, you can change the button that opens the console at the very bottom of the settings

thats how the dev console looks like, heres how to find it:

change your fov to 90

this can be either done in the settings or by putting fov_desired 90 into the console, 90 is the max you can set it to in the settings but if you want more fov then feel free to change this to something else like 130 for example. this is done because the default tf2 fov doesnt let you see as much as 90 and having that information is crucial, especially for medic

now for the actually medic specific stuff

in the advanced settings there are two key things you need to turn on, 1) keep healing even when not pressing the fire key and 2) autocall for medic if below 99% health

the first one is a no brainer, youre gonna be healing constantly for 2 hours or more if you play a season as medic and your fingers will cramp up if you just keep holding down mouse1 so this ones for that

the second one is a bit odd, why autocall? well it might help you find spies or find your way back to your team if you get lost without having to comm it out, it also shows you if a teammate got damaged very recently because of the small cross above their head, this is important because then it will take more time to heal them up

uber masking

when you are about to hit 100% ubercharge, press E, and the "medic!" voiceline is gonna override the very loud and very obvious "I AM FULLY CHARGED" voiceline, tldr: you dont want the other team to know that you have uber

uber counting

the average stock uber can be built in 40-50 seconds, at the start of the round your ubers are the same but they will get offset as the game goes on, when the enemy medic spawns count in your head to 40 or watch the clock for 40 seconds and at the end of that 40 seconds they will have uber

uber related callouts:

"we have ad" (=we have more uber than them)

"we have disad" (=we have less uber than them)

"they have" (=they have uber, be cautious)

"we have" (=we have uber, yay!)

"its even/equal" (=the ubers are the same)

"med dropped!" (=the other medic dropped uber, you now have a lot of ad, you will hear this from your teammates)

"he got a saw on me" (=their medic is running ubersaw and just hit me, they have 25 more uber)

"use" (=pop it)

"use on me/use on [class]" (=use uber on a specific person or class, usually scout or demo)

"big ad/disad" (=the difference between our ubers is big, around 50% difference)

"small ad/disad" (=the difference between our ubers is small, anywhere from 20% to 5% difference)

thats a lot of callouts but dont fear, youll get a hang of it soon :)

the ideal loadout

crusaders crossbow

stock medigun

solemn vow

i did mention the ubersaw but its use is much more niche and works the best when the enemy team is shit, the solemn vow also lets you see the enemy medics uber if you see him but dont use this as a crutch and also call out enemy health ("demo is 50!" and then your flank scout game ends him), ill go over the weapons now

crusaders crossbow

the weapon with most skill, it allows you to heal your team at large distances, your teammates will usually say "arrow me" or "arrow me [location]" and then you shoot them and heal em up, the crusaders crossbow is also used in rollouts a lot, process and gullywash for example both require you to arrow someone mid rollout, i have a few aim training maps linked in my other medic tips post which also, funny enough, have a clip of how comms usually sound so thats cool

stock medigun

other than the kritzkrieg, the stock is the only medigun allowed in standard 6s, its the most consistent medigun and also makes you invincible for 8 seconds, you mentioned watching demos of other players and usually when they do a push into a point they uber the demo so that he can jump in unharmed, then the scout to go fast and the back on demo because hes the 2nd most important class here (the 1st is you!! so dont die!!)

honorary kritz mention

in lower divs, kritz isnt usually played, its an element of surprise weapon and it takes 32 seconds to get uber but 32 is an awkward number so we usually just count to 30 and use the 2 seconds to run :)

the kritz is much more widely used in highlander but ive seen some great playes with it in 6s too

some medigun strats before we move onto melee:

building uber with a boston basher scout

your scout is your escort now, random encounters lied to you, medics do, in fact, heal scouts

give your players a buff (overheal) when youre in spawn and waiting to move, its needed for rollouts in most cases, heal order is usually demo -> roamer -> demo again -> psolly

you need to heal as much as you can, this is a race to get uber

players will come up to you and ask for buffs, its usually soldiers and they will usually jump away shortly after

the ubersaw and the head

the solemn vow is a much better choice of melee then the ubersaw simply due to the fact that you can see enemy health and uber, but i cant deny that the ubersaw saved my ass a few times, still, use the head

now thats the weapons, lets get onto the more interpersonal relationships between teammates

the general playerbase of comp is sweaty gamer cishet guys but ive found that many of them are cool (despite the reputation of sweaty gamer cishet guys) and they are cool especially in rgl

heres some tips,

keep your tumblr private from your team

they dont know the lore of tf2 and 9 times out of 10 dont really care for it

just keep the discussion to comp

many of them are down to play casual or even valve comp if you ask

feel free to ask for tips! they love giving tips!

you will be judged for being a medic player but in a joking matter (they dont usually like playing medic so theyre glad that someone else is lol)

they will show you cool shit (usually clips of airshots)

tf2 comp players are a bit edgy at times, sometimes people just say slurs but not the n word with a hard R or anything (ps. you can report people if they say a slur mid game in chat)

a lot of the time they are gonna tell it to you straight, if youre bad then they will tell you youre bad at xy and z and if you dont improve then they will just call you open (<- lowest division in etf2l/derogatory term for anyone who isnt in open)

in a team you have the team leader who schedules everything and runs this team and talks to the admins, maybe a co-tl who helps with team leader stuff, the main roster which is just the players who play most often, the subs who substitute the main roster when someone cant make it but you still want to play and lastly the ringers(NA term)/mercs(EU term) who are outsiders you call in if your pscout just called in sick and the pscout sub is on vacation and you really need a player

classes

its at the bottom because i forgot about it lol?

6s has 2 soldiers, 2 scouts, a demo and a medic

they are split into the flank and the combo, the combo is with the medic and the flank is not

demo:

you will need to heal this guy a lot, he takes a lot of damage and gives out a lot of damage, he can trap down an area or spam down a choke, will be with you in most of your ubers, make sure this guy is buffed

pocket scout:

the scout in the combo, your escort and personal bodyguard (kinda), hes gonna build with you, pick you up from spawn when you die and is most likely gonna be the maincaller (=person who calls the shots in a comp match like when to retreat and what not)

pocket soldier:

in all honesty idfk what this guy does, he wants heals and watches chokes, spams rockets down chokes too, sacs for med (=jumps on the medic and kills them hopefully)

flank scout:

watches flanks, wants heals, can replace your pscout if he dies, will offclass if need be (offclassing is the act of switching your class to a different one that isnt standard in 6s like sniper or heavy)

roamer (flank soldier):

i also dont know what the fuck the roamer does, its basically the same as psolly but he watches flanks and offlcasses and has a different rollout

post game

so after you play your first game of comp, write ".ss" into the chat, this will open a window with your logs for that match and you can see how you did that game! if you want you can also download the demo from demos.tf if you look up your steam name it should show up, there are other sites where you can see how you did like more.tf which is a nicer looking site and also you can compare specific players and see more stuff so thats cool! theres also trends.tf where you can see how you did over time and basically every stat you can think of even down to the time youve spent playing a class in comp, heres my overview on trends.tf if you wanna see all that it shows (ps. most of my recent games are 4v4 because of a cup lol)

last thing before the end, i did make a post about medic tips a while ago and those apply here as well

tf2 competitive wiki if you want to learn callouts and other stuff

so! thats the basics of 6s med :) gl hf and feel free to dm me if you have any more questions

edit: i forgot to mention b4nny, the lord and savior of competitive tf2 and while he doesnt play med much he has a lot of experience and knows a lot about comp and just has a lot of resources for comp

[purringfayestudio]

Faux Fur Sources

I sometimes get asked where I get my faux fur fabrics, so here's a list of sources, and a little about each. They are US based unless otherwise stated, and I have purchased from all of them.

BigZFabric

A great affordable place to get both realistic and solid faux fur. I use a lot of their animal and wolf furs, as well as their half-shag/beaver (1/2") and short shag (1"), but they have lots of cool things. As a company they're great about listening to the needs of their customers and several fur and minky lines are a direct result of community requests.

Howl Fabrics

My favorite place to get solids, which come in matching beaver (1/2"), teddy (1"), shag, and luxury fox. There are sometimes realistic furs in their fox section as well. They also recently started carrying minky. They're a great small company to support!

Mohair Bear Making Supplies

Where I go for realistic faux furs in small quantities, as you can buy anything from 1/16th all the way up to by the yard. You need an account to purchase, but it's super easy to sign up. Based in the UK.

FakeFurShop

A huge selection of faux fur, both solid and realistic, high quality or economical. Based in the Netherlands, so shipping to the US is painful, but worth getting what isn't available in the US. This is my most expensive source, aside from specialty things on Etsy.

Honorable Mentions:

FursuitSupplies: They have some good quality solids. I don't use them too often because they're so popular that the things I want are rarely in stock.

Fur Addiction: Based in Australia, they have some neat high quality stuff sometimes.

Etsy: There's a ton of faux fur and other fabrics available on Etsy, sometimes some really unique stuff. You just have to search for it.

Less Used

Mendel's: sometimes carries different things, but sadly with Shannon Fabrics discontinuing faux fur, their selection has fallen drastically.

Fabric Depot: Some weird niche stuff, but sometimes I get something interesting from there. Some of my old furs are from them before they shut down and then popped back up.

SY Fabrics: Some old stuff on there which is neat, but they keep messing up my orders and their return window is too small to matter. But may still be worth the gamble now and then.

Fabric Empire: lower quality furs, but much of what they have can be found on BigZFabric.

Joann: I have one locally that I've gotten a few things from. It's really hit or miss though.

Fabric.com: this site no longer exists, sadly. I list it only because it's where I got a great number of my furs over the years. It sounds like they may eventually be absorbed into the main Amazon site, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm not a fan of supporting Amazon anyway.

Don't forget to check your local small business fabric shops! As well as second hand stores for faux fur pillows and coats in good condition. Sometimes cheap blankets from discount stores work great as well.

I hope you find this useful! I'm also always happy to help someone hunt for a specific fur if you can't find what you're looking for, too.

Happy sewing!

[arminreindl]

Ultrastenos: Narrow Snouted Mekosuchine?

So this one comes with a pretty big disclaimer. Ultrastenos, evenmoreso than any other mekosuchine, is incomplete and enigmatic. Whereas animals like Mekosuchus at least bolster a long research history or at least somewhat complete remains of specific body parts, Ultrastenos is both new and fragmentary. This, combined with ongoing research, means that this reconstruction is just a preliminary one based on current publications and should not be taken as gospel.

Ultrastenos is best known through assorted skull fragments and crania, notably part of the quadrate and quadratojugal, the occiput (back of the skull), an incomplete lower jaw, misc. postcrania like a tibia and vertebrae and some referred skull tables.

Already we enter some weirdness as the type material all stems from the Low Lion Site of the Riversleigh WHA, while the skull tables are from the White Hunter Site (also Riversleigh). Tho they are roughly of the same age, both being late Oligocene, but they are still different localities.

As is apparent both from my recon and the mandible, the lower jaw of Ultrastenos constricted weirdly rapidly, broad at the back and yet narrow towards the front (thus its name, which just means "extremly narrow").

A key issue here is that we don't know how long the rostrum was. We only have it up to the fourth-last tooth, so how long the snout would have continued we don't know. The idea that the snout was short has been entertained, but is deemed unlikely given that the mandible is very shallow. This would instead be more in line with long-snouted animals like gharials.

Size is another point of question. The type material is very small, only about two meters is what I recovered and the paper notes it's "only about as big as a freshwater crocodile", which matches fairly well I'd say. But it is not known whether or not the specimen was actually an adult, so we may find larger individuals in the future.

Which brings us to the disclaimer.

In 2023's "Migrations, diversifications and extinctions: the evolutionary history of crocodyliforms in Australasia", the confusion and uncertainty of Ultrastenos is once more brought up. Some of what is written is what you'd expect, which is that it's enigmatic and the interpretations of Stein et. al. need more research. Logical so far, its undeniably fragmentary and the interpretation is undeniably speculative. The fact that its phylogenetic placement among mekosuchines is a mess is likewise not a surprise. The original tree differs A LOT from more recent results, while the only other tree that included Ultrastenos is that of Rio and Mannion, which I generally avoid personally.

But the interesting nugget is that apparently, a close relative has been found since then which might have a big impact. But this research is still in prep courtesy of Adam Yates (who I've been told will publish the description of the Alcoota Baru soon enough). So will my recon become obsolete? Probably. But I'll update it accordingly once the time comes.

But lets briefly let go of safety and scepticism and consider the possibility that it really was a long-snouted mekosuchine. Aside from some of the anatomical clues like the shallow mandible, sameish teeth and narrow snout, a longirostrine croc would be expected, from the region, would it not? After all, long snouts evolved many times separately in crocs and despite having an incredibly diverse croc fauna, Australia is shockingly lacking in those. The only examples currently known are the Miocene Harpacochampsa, the Pliocene to Pleistocene Gunggamarandu and the current freshwater crocodile. The former two are gharials the later a crocodylid.

Furthermore, the White Hunter Site, if you remember prior posts, was positively teeming with mekosuchines of all different niches. Large semi-aquatic predators like Baru, small semi-aquatic ones like "Baru" huberi and terrestrial forms like Mekosuchus and Quinkana. So to fit in, Ultrastenos must have done something differently, and conveniently a longirostrine nische is still open. So why not.

Illustrations by Joschua Knüppe and Ashley Patch

So that's it. Ultrastenos, the enigmatic, possibly longirostrine mekosuchine of the Riversleigh. Will this post age badly? Maybe, maybe not, we'll see. Wikipedia: Ultrastenos - Wikipedia Primary sources: Stein, Michael; Hand, Suzanne J.; Archer, Michael (26 May 2016). "A new crocodile displaying extreme constriction of the mandible, from the late Oligocene of Riversleigh, Australia". Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology. 36 (5): e1179041. doi:10.1080/02724634.2016.1179041 Ristevski, J.; Willis, P.M.A.; Yates, A.M.; White, M.A.; Hart, L.J.; Stein, M.D.; Price, G.J.; Salisbury, S.W. (2023). "Migrations, diversifications and extinctions: the evolutionary history of crocodyliforms in Australasia". Alcheringa: An Australasian Journal of Palaeontology: 1–46. doi:10.1080/03115518.2023.2201319. S2CID 258878554

[whitehartlane]

very, very many people are happy (and writing accordingly) that this tournament is taking place in Germany (aka a country with football/fan culture) and not in Qatar. It‘s so much better than the world cup in terms of a great atmosphere, so much celebration and interaction between the different fan groups - like the love the Scottish and the Germans have for each other! Oranje’s street dance parties. There was none of that in Qatar. Like there‘s no debate that this is much better. What’s your issue with it?

hi! i live in germany, in munich, and so i’ve got front row seats to the atmosphere. it’s been lovely and i’ve said so on here despite being someone who doesn’t care much for the euros. i’m very much aware of the football and fan culture here and take part in it happily.

i’m going to gently refute your claim (since i’m going to assume you’re coming from a place of curiosity and not of malice though i find your tone questionable) that ‘there’s no debate on the fact that this atmosphere is better’ and ask you to consider the perspectives and the backgrounds of people saying that the atmosphere here at the euros is better. i’ve said this before as well when the euros were starting and this topic came up—who are these euros more enjoyable for? who was the world cup more enjoyable for?

the wc22—and just the tournament mind, i’m not getting into the politics rn—was a huge landmark for asian and african footballing nations. it was the first time three afc nations (south korea, japan, australia) made it to the knockouts and it was the first time that an arab/african nation made it to the semifinal (morocco). for people who watch football and aren’t from europe or don’t have a connection to europe the wc22 was everything in terms of seeing the real tangible development that is happening in regards to football for our countries and continents.

‘there was none of that in qatar’ is false. players alone: a sobbing son heungmin throwing his mask down onto the ground hearing that south korea was going to make it to knockouts. a laughing sofiane boufal dancing with his mum as morocco made it to the semifinal. fans? japanese fans cleaning up the stadium after their win against germany (there are so many videos of tokyo set alight with the celebrations). ghanaian fans celebrating after south korea won their match against portugal knocking uruguay out. most importantly, the countless amount of times the palestinian flag was raised high in hope and solidarity by so many supporters. and many many more such examples.

football is the world’s sport. it’s a sport you need absolutely nothing to play. whether it be in the alleys of gelsenkirchen or the streets of nepal, it will always be the same sport. i have firmly believed and maintained that this site’s eurocentrism when it comes to football is appalling. it’s a sport that is loved everywhere. you cannot develop this sport globally if you focus in on the footballing cultures of only european nations when football is loved just as fiercely in other parts of the world. our players play on pitches that aren’t taken care of and we travel to stadiums that are half breaking down because we love the game.

to me the atmosphere debate is pointless and fruitless. just because europe wasn’t involved in the atmosphere and the highs of the wc22 for the first time (and so many european heavyweights were knocked out) doesn’t mean that the tournament itself was worth less than the euros now.

[mistydeyes]

Hiya, I’ve absolutely fallen in love with your writing (especially because you don’t leave Gaz out 😌) and Was wondering if I could get a match up for one of the cod boys?

I use she/her pronouns and am probably what most people consider to be the bi gamer girl stereotype. My MBTI is E/INFP (just noticed we’re the same!) as I tend to swing wildly between intro and extroversion. I do enjoy being social but I’ve also got some pretty extreme anxiety. I’m not big into astrology but when people find out my big three are Aquarius/Aries/Aries they’re not surprised.

I’m an Aussie and am 170cm tall so I’m not used to being much shorter than most people (growing up I was a head taller than literally everyone so I may have developed a complex 😔) I played lots of sports growing up and am actually joining the navy soon.

My fashion sense mostly consists of Adam Sandler like attire or slutty club fit with docs. I love board games/video games/dodgeball etc and am wildly competitive. I hate cooking and suck at it completely, and my room always looks like a bomb site. I love roller coasters and the beach, but only if there’s waves. I have a degree in history/geography and am 100% a cat person. I have a care bear tattoo and would have more if I wasn’t broke. I’m a very physically affectionate person and I cry a lot over media and am very sensitive but not in a way that I’ll get upset over someone insulting me, more in a I’d cry if I stood on a cats tail. I’m very loud and once you get some alcohol in me I am the life of the dance floor even though I can’t dance.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

a/n aww thank you so much for requesting! i hate when people leave gaz out so yk I'LL always make sure he's included :) also love a fellow INTP!

How you met: Military You fanned yourself as you entered the large school building. Despite your Navy uniform consisting of a long white skirt and blouse, the Australian heat was making it unbearable. You had the unfortunate assignment of attending a career day at one of the local school's to talk about your unique career path. You were directed by the secretary to chat with a few other military personnel before the presentation. Eventually, you saw a friend from the Australian Army chatting with another man. As you approached, you noted that his uniform was significantly different than yours as indicated by the colors and adornments. "Private!" you exclaimed as he turned to you, "fancy seeing you here." You chatted regarding a few important life events before he directed your attention to the man next to him. "This is Sergeant Garrick," he introduced as you shook his hand, "Sergeant and previous Special Air Service member." You couldn't help but laugh slightly. "A Brit? What's he doing here?" you joked and Kyle returned with a smile. "Thought I see what your military is about," he began and you couldn't help but swoon with his pronunciation, "might make me consider joining myself." You continued to jab at the difference in your countries until your friend found himself in another conversation. You didn't mind being left with Kyle as it offered you the opportunity to discuss why you enlisted following your competitive nature and how you had previously gone to school for a history and geography degree. "So why are you here?" he asked but your explanation was cut off with the opening remarks from principal. You sat down next to Kyle, hoping you could continue you conversation over dinner.

A peek into your relationship: "You call this a beach?" you asked as you finally arrived at your destination. Your boyfriend, Kyle, laughed as you looked at the rocky shores of Brighton. While it was beautiful and you loved the pastel homes, it was far from what you knew back in Australia. "Trust me I would bring you here for more than just the beach, love," he reassured and directed you along the boardwalk. As you walked with your hands interlaced, you were led into a large game center. The color-technic lights of the various arcade games and crane machines lit the room as you adjusted from the bright sun outside. "Heard you were competitive," he joked with a smirk on your face and you knew today would be a challenge.

"Fuck me!" Kyle groaned as you won yet another round in Mario Kart. "For someone in the SAS, you sure don't have a lot of skills," you teased and collected your reward tickets. You and Kyle were evenly matched but it was clear your competitive spirit was putting you slightly ahead of the competition. As you wandered around, you saw a row of crane machines. "I hate those," you mumbled and it was as if a light turned on in Kyle's mind. He held your hand as you looked at each one, finally trying your luck with a machine full of Care Bears. As you complained over how they were a scam and impossible to win, a determined Kyle placed a token in and went to work. As you leaned over his shoulder, you were shocked when he picked up a large plush Care Bear and dropped it into the basket. "What the hell," you mumbled as he retrieved the price for you. "There are some things the Navy doesn't teach you," he beamed before kissing you on the cheek. The rest of the day you pondered a few things. First, what was the set of skills he had alluded to? and second, would it be possible to get another tattoo of this bear?

[raptorfae53]

Monster High Reimagined

Lagoona Blue character bio/redesign

Lagoona Blue (she/her)

(pansexual)

The eldest child of the Blues,a mixed Gillman/Bunyip family.

(Mixed Brazilian and Indigenous Australian)

Lagoona is an energetic half-bunyip girl from the great scarrier reef off Australia,who after a disastrous time in school in her own country was pulled from the proverbial and literal tide by her parents to attend monster high. Boisterous,a little airheaded but kind and friendly,with powerful shapeshifting abilities to match her big emotions,Lagoona plans on becoming the school's star athlete having already joined the football,rugby and swim teams in her first few weeks on site. In that time also becoming fast friends with a small group of monsters called the Ghouls and her roommate Draculaura,MH looking and feeling like the fresh start she needed after her past experiences…

Likes: team sports (particularly football,cricket,rugby league and aussie rules),meat and seafood,sharks,telenovelas and hanging out at the beach.

Dislikes: water pollution,dolphins,public performance,dancing and low humidity.

Killer style: swimwear,sportswear and comfortable hoodies,primarily in her favoured blue, pink and black,and although they're not really athletic wear,fishnets upcycled out of literal nets that floated away from boats,an objectively better use for them than having them floating around tangling up sealife.

Familiar: Neptuna, a Rabbitfish Shark, and according to lagoona,the cutest creature in the whole ocean! (Regardless of some people's unwarranted dismissal towards her pet as just a "dumb fish" and or mean jokes about her being delicious fried with chips Toralei!, I mean look at her, she's adorable!!!)

Pet Peeve: the climate and humidity of new Salem. Although lagoona loves monster high the cold climate of vermont compared to her home in Australia causes her scales and scutes to itch and shed a lot,especially after a day playing sport.

Freaky Flaw: Her resentment over how school in Australia ended up for her. Spending most of her early teens bullied lagoona is determined to "get it right this time" with her new school,and while the ghouls are an amazing group of pals,lagoona feels a little guilty over not being her "true self" compared to them,worried that they'd abandon her if she let her true feelings show,and instead channels her anger into sports and exercise to blow off steam.

Spooky Secret: While nowadays she prefers to play contact sports, up until secondary school lagoona also participated in competitive gymnastic and dance,however after an incident while living in Australia she developed a fear of dancing and public performances,and threw herself into more team based sports instead,the fallout of this same incident being what prompted her parents to pull her out of secondary school send her to monster high

Dream job: Lagoona hopes one day her sporting prowess will land her a spot on the Australian Olympic team,or have her playing for the Matildas in the world cup,or at the Rugby championship for the wallabies,or in the AFL grand final,or…

Five Fearsome Facts:

As a half-bunyip, lagoona has some of their innate shape-shifting abilities,although being a teen she's still working around the ins and outs of learning to control said transformations and high emotions sometimes cause her to shapeshift involuntarily, lagoona is thankful monster high can be a place to properly hone her powers to be as proficient as her mother one day.

Lagoonas mother is also renowned for having the fiercest set of jaws on the whole scarrier reef,and her daughter's aren't too different,with lagoona sporting a bite force as strong as a crocodile and can similarly crack bones open with sheer jaw muscle strength alone as well as regrow her entire set of teeth if needs be. Regardless,Mrs blue ensures that lagoona and her sisters keep their teeth in tiptop shape through daily cleaning regardless of whether they can regenerate them or not.

Because of her active lifestyle and the energy needed for shapeshifting, lagoona has a voracious appetite, having been rumoured to have once skeletonised a whole cow carcass back in Australia. Although now at the behest of her notably gore-squeamish friend Draculaura she's trying to be a little less gung-ho about the act of chowing down on her favourite foods.

Like a lot of her latino father's side of her family (as well as a few of her mum's by way of Neighbors) lagoona has grown up with a love of telenovelas and soap operas and has been trying to get her roommate draculaura as invested in them as she is since they started boarding together.

Compared to her boy/girl crazy friends Lagoona has so far not really bothered much with trying to find a partner at MH, in truth she's taking a clean break from dating after the disastrous implosion of her first middle school relationship with gil webber, which lagoona in hindsight can recognise was incredibly unhealthy in nature (lagoona's nigh-obsessive romanticisation,gil's self pity and neglectful tendencies and general inexperience from both parties) and was just not what she needed at the time.

New character profile,as well as the final character out of our initial gang of five/six main characters!

Tbh lagoona being part bunyip and a shapeshifter has been an idea I've liked for a while,for those not in the know a bunyip is a water monster from Australian folklore that originated from indigenous Australians (hence why lagoona is also half indigenous) either based on the indigenous oral tradition about extinct Aussie megafauna or as a simple campfire story to screw with the white settlers/warn them about going near stagnant pools that could be full of crocodiles/murderous kangaroos/what have you.

A big part of the bunyip myth is that what it looks like exactly is kind of up to interpretation,hence shapeshifting, particularly shapeshifting different traits and features from different animals into one design (for example lagoona having crocodile scutes and jaws,webbed paws like a river otter and a fluked tail like a bull shark alongside more gillman-y features inherited from her dad) and as a side note,I also like the further idea that because of their half Latino heritage lagoona and her sisters designs either incorporate parts of or only Amazonian animals opposed to thier mother, whose parts come from only Australian animals (with a few exceptions their faunas are pretty interchangeable so they don't look all that different)

Also in case you were wondering what a rabbitfish shark looks like,Neptuna looks kinda like this:

Anyways,with our initial set of protagonists done,now it's time to write up bios for all the supporting characters,starting with the kids in the main ghouls school year...

[soulmate001]

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

This day in history

Next Tuesday (December 5), I'm at Flyleaf Books in Chapel Hill, NC, with my new solarpunk novel The Lost Cause, which 350.org's Bill McKibben called "The first great YIMBY novel: perceptive, scientifically sound, and extraordinarily hopeful."b

#20yrsago What happens when you give gamers intellectual property rights? https://web.archive.org/web/20031205163841/https://research.yale.edu/lawmeme/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1290

#15yrsago Little Nemo in Slumberland, Many More Splendid Sundays — a new gigantic collection of Winsor McCay’s lush and surreal comics https://memex.craphound.com/2008/12/03/little-nemo-in-slumberland-many-more-splendid-sundays-a-new-gigantic-collection-of-winsor-mccays-lush-and-surreal-comics/

#15yrsago What is non-commercial use? Creative Commons survey https://web.archive.org/web/20081210100702/https://creativecommons.org/weblog/entry/11045

#15yrsago Women in science group want a female Doctor Who https://web.archive.org/web/20081204091523/https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/3538551/Doctor-Who-should-be-a-woman-say-female-scientists.html

#15yrsago US military interrogator decries torture — worse than useless https://www.democracynow.org/2008/12/3/us_interrogator_in_iraq_says_torture

#10yrsago UN counter-terrorism rapporteur announces investigation into NSA and GCHQ surveillance https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/dec/02/guardian-terrorism-snowden-alan-rusbridger-free-press

#10yrsago Podcasting Lawful Interception, a Little Brother story https://ia800903.us.archive.org/6/items/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_257/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_257_Lawful_interception_01.mp3

#10yrsago Terabyte laptop SSDs for $435! https://memex.craphound.com/2013/12/03/terabyte-laptop-ssds-for-435/

#5yrsago Med students are being paid to act as Instagram “influencers” on behalf of cosmetics and other products https://slate.com/technology/2018/11/medical-students-instagram-influencers-ethics-debate.html

#5yrsago Spiegel claims ties between Germany’s neofascist movement and secretive billionaire https://www.spiegel.de/international/germany/billionaire-backing-may-have-helped-launch-afd-a-1241029.html

#5yrsago A seemingly ingenious, simple solution to nonrepresentative government and gerrymandering https://www.forbes.com/sites/stevensalzberg/2018/11/12/the-problem-with-our-democracy-isnt-gerrymandering-its-integers/?sh=5bd7e9f2899c

#5yrsago We don’t know how much Village Roadshow paid to buy Australia’s new censoring copyright law https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2018/dec/02/village-roadshow-donates-millions-to-major-parties-while-lobbying-on-piracy

#5yrsago The best Christmas computer and electronics ads of 1980 https://paleotronic.com/2018/12/02/paleotronics-12-years-of-christmas-year-one-1980/

#5yrsago An appreciation of the long-lost MP3 player skins of yesteryear https://twitter.com/fart/status/1069312730249650176

#1yrago The urinary tract infection business-model https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/03/painful-burning-dribble/#law-of-intended-consequences

It's EFF's Power Up Your Donation Week: this week, donations to the Electronic Frontier Foundation are matched 1:1, meaning your money goes twice as far. I've worked with EFF for 22 years now and I have always been - and remain - a major donor, because I've seen firsthand how effective, responsible and brilliant this organization is. Please join me in helping EFF continue its work!

[zahri-melitor]

2023 Theatre: aka I Saw Things!

Much theatre discussion below. I have one more show but it's going to be a tiny one.

Hubris & Humiliation: This was one of the first things I saw this year, and I’m still 50/50 on it being the best play I saw this year (there are a few other candidates). It was a very, very worthy play to create and put on for World Pride. It was a modern Austen adaption that didn’t take itself too seriously or work too hard to slavishly follow the plot of any specific Austen. It was about gay boys while still respecting all the women characters in the story. It was hilarious without ever making me uncomfortable. And it was an incredibly loving send-up of a lot of Sydney gay culture. Yes, this play had an ersatz Lydia, and I was cheering her on with every decision she made. She stole the show.

Forgotten: This was one of those pieces that was incredibly centred on history and location. There’s something magical about a play so totally focused on a little local story, and seeing it in a theatre almost on top of the site made it more eerie. This is the story of the Female Convict Uprising at the Parramatta Female Factory in 1827. It was flawed but interesting, and the choice to cast almost exclusively from recent drama grads definitely helped with the age of the actors matching those of many of the characters.

Julia: Do you want to see a one-woman play about the life of Julia Gillard, capped by a complete re-enactment of the full Misogyny speech? Then have I got the play for you. I saw a few things this year whose intended audience was squarely ‘Labor Drips’, and Julia was the first of these.  It certainly didn’t really go hard enough in interrogating Gillard’s actions and legacy in parts, but it was quite entertaining to enjoy the full speech in an audience who were applauding and cheering for all of their favourite lines, given half the audience could probably quote the first minute from memory.

At What Cost?: oh damn I loved this. This was a piece about the return of William Lanne’s head to Country in Tasmania, and the community tensions that develop between acknowledged palawa community members in Tasmania, and those who do not belong to a confirmed family line. While it was a little heavy handed in some ways (Gracie is very clearly claiming heritage she cannot substantiate, bringing the correct conclusion to the debate firmly down on one side of the argument), it was definitely enriched the more you know about the Tasmanian palawa community and particularly the Aboriginal Land Council of Tasmania (there’s a whole host of not-quite-spelled-out issues bubbling under the surface of the play)

Relativity: and finally we get to something on the list that might be known internationally. This was a really interesting production in that I surreptitiously did a wiki search during interval to work out what was real and what was extrapolation. A woman approaches Albert Einstein, claiming to be a journalist who wants to interview him about his life. As the play evolves, you realise she believes herself to be his daughter, and she has a reasonable argument for the claim. Worth seeing.

Driftwood The Musical: it’s been a while since I walked out of a theatre and immediately picked up the phone to call my mother to tell her she needed to see the show. This was one. The story of the Duldig family and the invention of the foldable umbrella, set against the background of the family’s WWII escape from Austria to Australia and settling in Melbourne. Lots of generational trauma. Extremely in communication with the Caulfield Jewish community (unsurprising as it’s a family memoir) - I’ve heard similar stories while growing up from my mother’s best friend. They’re trying to workshop this in New York and I’d love to see it picked up.

Poison of Polygamy: The first Chinese-Australian story ever written, now on stage. The fun of seeing a newspaper serial railing against failures in morality getting adapted is that it’s tropey and heavy handed and hilarious. I snorted at one point during the opening monologue railing against the evils of polygamy on the family and community, and the actor immediately noticed and directed his next line questioning the audience’s views directly at me. Very simple adaptive staging. The plot has its problems in parts, but the point of the play was not ‘the greatest story ever told’, it was ‘the first Chinese-Australian story ever written down’. I had fun.

Aida: what is there to say? It’s Aida. I got $20 opera tickets through one of the community application programmes so I went and enjoyed myself thoroughly. The costuming was sumptuous.

Miss Peony: there is a point in the Australian arts scene now where I can say “this was an extremely Family Law, and even more extremely Michelle Law production” and people will nod and understand. It’s about the type of humour, the stories told, the perspective, etc. Miss Peony is a play about identity and being Chinese in Australia, and having pride in that identity, in the setting of a community beauty pageant. I have to link to this review (https://www.theaureview.com/arts/theatre-review-miss-peony/) and agree thoroughly with this comment about Sabrina, “who’s the woggest wog you’ve ever wogged in the history of wogs.” It’s TRUE. She IS. And it’s fabulous as her accent and attitude were pitch perfect and it’s rare to see that so lovingly conveyed.

On the Beach: this is one of my three contenders for best play I saw. It was a stunning adaption of the classic novel, done with care and love. It imbued a lot of extra meaning and depth into the play by treating all the female characters as rational actors who were making considered decisions in the face of an existential threat. I admit I cried. (the Victa lawnmower box! I almost howled) I also freely admit that I’m still marvelling at the final scene change as I wasn’t paying close enough attention to see how they did it, and I spent a fair amount of time staring at the lighting rig in the flies at the end of the show trying to work out how they managed it around everything – that was a TIGHT fit.

Captain Moonlite: this was a bad, bad show. You know how you sometimes read a story or a script where you can tell someone has read a single history of a person and then has decided to dramatise it? And even more, has a very fixed view on the answer to any questions of who was at fault in a scenario? That’s this script. If I had read more biographies on Captain Moonlite I could probably even pick which one was scraped for information. The playwright is in fact gay and wanted to tell the story of the Gay Bushrangers, but he did so in a manner where my sister and I kept glancing at each other the whole way through going “was that…intentional? Did you intend to imply that?” because it read very much like someone trying to sneak crap past the censors in the mid 90s, not a play written in the 2020s to celebrate part of Australian queer history.

Reckōning: this show was not what I expected it to be (I apparently didn’t read the description closely enough) but it was also a really good time with excellent dancing and singing. It was an intensely personal story. I also enjoyed the crowd there as it was definitely a night out for the Pasifika community, and I ended up having some lovely conversations with the person sitting next to me.

The Dismissal: another show that got COVIDed finally got its run. It was exactly as entertaining as I expected it to be, while also simultaneously clearly being pitched for a crowd of “local Labor Party branch night out”. At interval we had audience participation reminiscence sessions over memories of the Dismissal. I adored it for a number of reasons, but I particularly have to shout out the song “Private School Boys” which was simultaneously extremely referential to Revolting Children from Matilda the Musical, but also hilarious to see in a venue only a couple of hundred metres from St Andrew’s College. The show started with a newsreel of moments in Australian politics involving a whole lot of different PMs, and it was hilarious listening to the audience cheer on various moments or yell ‘you’re a grub’ at others. (The political slant. Was obvious)

The Visitors: my final contender for best show of the year. It was gorgeous, thought provoking, and in conversation with the landscape. This second run using both men and women for elders/heads of tribes worked really well, especially as having Dalara Williams’s character as visibly, strikingly pregnant, gave an extra layer to her performance and the opinions of her character. It’s a very clever play that deliberately frames and upsets audience expectations in a story we all know all too well (the events around 26 January 1788). What languages were used for what phrases and terms was fascinating, particularly with the choice to translate the names of the various clan groups to English, as a good portion of the audience could pick out which communities from which regions went with each name.

Wicked: some times you just need to see a classic. I went with one of my best friends and her husband, and it was one of those performances that you end up telling everyone else about, because there was an injury in the opening scene and we ended up on hold for half an hour while the theatre called a swing to come in. Due to our seats, we both saw exactly what happened AND managed to chat to the conductor during the break to check that everything was ok and pass on our best wishes. In terms of the show, however? Strongest Glinda I’ve seen in the role. Courtney Monsma is an incredibly gifted physical comedy actress and her skills and immaculate timing brought something extra to the role I’ve not seen from anyone else.

Oil: Worth seeing. Really well done in that they did it in the round (always enjoyable) and filled the centre of the stage with black sand, which coated things, and clung to costumes occasionally, and was disturbed and covered up. The way the narrative shifted through time with the family aging slower than the period was actually a stylistic choice I adore; I love stories that do this and play with how it changes things. (I mean I’m a comics fan – I couldn’t cope if I couldn’t conceptualise this).

[houseofbreadpakoda]

I remember the CWC of 2015, India had lost the semi finals against New Zealand. A nine year old me was very new to such pain. And on the following Sunday was the finals, against Australia and New Zealand, and I had swimming classes that day. Much to my dismay, I was kicked out of the house, because in my mother's words, the match didn't matter if we weren't playing anyways. But the thing is, it did. Cause at the pool, all the coaches could do was glance at the scores on their phones. The Google scores that too, you know there wasn't any streaming sites then. But there was this huge swim-timing tv which was connected to the cable, so the match could be broadcasted there. So I spent the hour after coaching, staring at the match on the television until my mom called and yelled at me to get back home. Australia won that day.

[slurrmp]

Here’s my contribution to the Doctor Who fandom for the end of the year. A LIST of 25 prompts to write throughout the month of December, this is mainly for the Christmas time and during the summer months, because I am from Australia and our Christmas is during the summer. Now you don’t HAVE to solely write these for Doctor Who, but it was a collaboration project between everyone in the Thirsting for Thirteen dis.cord server (if you would like to join this server, where we talk about the 13th doctor, but others as well, please feel free to shoot me a message), so the idea IS for the Doctor plus anyone you would like.

Feel free to TAG me in your stories!!! Add them onto any writing site you post too! I can’t wait to read all of your lovely stories !!!

1. Ice Skating 2. Christmas Shopping 3. Beach Trip 4. Tree Decorating 5. Seasonal Baking 6. Sweater Weather 7. Making Snowangels 8. Under the Mistletoe 9. Christmas Dinner 10. Christmas Party 11. Sitting by the Fire 12. Nice swim after lunch 13. Caroling/Carolers 14. Hot Chocolate Moments 15. Wrapping Presents 16. Road Trip 17. First Snow 18. Christmas Light Seeing 19. Secret Santa 20. Christmas Market 21. Christmas Movies 22. Matching PJS 23. Christmas Eve Eve 24. Gift Giving 25. Christmas Morning