#AT SEVERE PERSONAL COST NO LESS
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i know i’ve been rotating the stranger things blorbos in my mind for a bit now but please know that i am at all times simmering yenskier on the back burner and every few days i take the lid off and stir them around and scrape the bits off the bottom of the pot
#today is a yemmefer day yk? i’m just Thinking About Her today#god that post yesterday with the s3 spoilers made me so mad#normally i am Thinking About Geraskefer but today im vibrating with rage at geralt actually so#she deserves better she deserves so much better#he keeps making awful stupid selfish harmful choices BY HIMSELF for NO REASON#and then doubling down and making them worse!#she makes one bad call under extreme duress AND she backtracks and actively chooses not to hurt anyone#AT SEVERE PERSONAL COST NO LESS#and she’s the villain? she’s the monster? she’s the one who needs to atone?#i’m going to chew through the walls i’m shoving geralt into traffic someone stop me before i light him on fire#twn critical#i guess?
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First time staying at the hotel of a theme park (against my will, but that's a long story) and... it's so weird??????
Like I feel like I am not supposed to be here, how do I put it... it screams luxury but I a... childlike/childish way????
And I feel restless, like something is wrong. Uncanny.
#this vacation is weird#maybe i feel restless because it cost me too much...#little rant here because i am still bitter about this okay...#look 8 days in spain and EVERYTHING: 2 hotels/3 flights/several museums/foods and drinks/souvenirs/transportation/small useless trinkets#cost us like € 800? more or less?#like okay could have been less but that’s a darn good price counting small useless luxuries and good meals right?#i feel no regrets spending that amount of money on *that*#i was one of the people organizing it#i knew where my money went before it went there so if something was a waste of money is my fault right????#BUT THEN#i was thrown into this other small 4 day vacation here at one of the theme parks in italy#first day we arrive fourth we go 2 days at the park and the only things we DON'T pay for are breakfast and dinner#fucking €600#and I was occupied with my exams when the other person organized this trip so the moment they called me.and said#“okay already anticipated the money it's 600 per person :D”#i cried#liek i am not exaggerating i literally cried because wtf#600 euros I'd have stayed a week in france#I will never let someone else organize a vacation without my supervision ever the fuck again.#steel rambles#*cries* 1200 € for two peple and 2 and 2 days at the theme park+ 2 days of train is not fucking reasonable mate 😭
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debating booking a dentist appointment with a private practice that's got really good reviews that keep mentioning the dentists being really understanding and gentle with patients that have anxiety.
I'm still not sure we can even handle an appointment but at the same time it feels like our wisdom teeth are getting increasingly painful and I'm scared something's gotten infected
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#this is gonna be expensive if we do go ahead with it#like looking at the treatment costs and how fucked our teeth are this is gonna be a lot to get fixed#there's an appointment next week and one at the end of January and I could go with either but I'm not sure#like maybe it's better to just go for it without too much time to think about it but maybe it's better to have more time to prepare?#we probably need treatment sooner rather than later but I'm also terrified of this#I'm hoping that maybe if the dentists are as nice as all the reviews say then we'll handle it better than expected#since a bunch of the reviews describe being in a similar situation to us where NHS dentists fucked people over#there are lots of people saying it's the first time they've felt at ease having dental treatment#and that they have severe phobias that stopped them seeing a dentist for years but that this place was really accommodating#and that's actually helping a lot I think with feeling less anxious about it but I am still really fucking anxious
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I hate the fact that I couldn’t get out if I needed to. I don’t have a car or license. I can’t work. I can’t afford any rent in my area with disability. I don’t have control of my finances. I can’t take care of myself. I’m just… stuck here. I’m stuck living in a house that can become so easily volatile and I don’t know how to get out if the time comes where I need to
#vent tw#but yeah shit is scary#before my older nephew was put in a place for kids with severe psychological issues (brain fog woop woop) it was really scary here#just so much yelling and throwing things and self harm I had to step in and stop and it was just. a lot.#just the constant fear of him going too far and hitting one of us because we knew he was capable of that with his parents#he even swung at me at one point and even my mom before my brother stepped in to protect her#I’m fearing for the day he comes back#because his parents pushed him onto us and they don’t want him back but like. we don’t either#he’s a good kid he’s just going through some shit that makes him an unsafe person to be around#and then there’s my mom who’s emotionally volatile and living with her is leaving me in a constant state of fight or flight#like even if I was lucky enough to get on section 8 I probably still wouldn’t be able to afford the cost of living in my area#at least not safely#fuck I hate this shit#living is just really hard sometimes#I keep hoping for the day I’m able to work and afford an apartment and have a good life but every day it seems less and less possible
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I love when Amazon plays itself. It’s genuinely so funny
#so i have this new year’s resolution for 2023 that i’m not buying new books unless i’ve read something from the author before & loved it#and even then i’m going to check the library + any book swaps in my town just to see if i can obtain a copy more sustainably#but there’s a caveat to this. i live in a small town so if i walk into my library there’s a pretty slim chance i’m going to find#the exact book i want. ditto book swaps. tbh the book swaps are a total potluck. sometimes there are gems; sometimes it’s just gardening#and animal husbandry and outdated maps. which is fine if you like that sort of thing but it’s probably not what i’m after#so what i generally do is i place a reservation for a book at the library. i live in the largest (by area anyway) county in england#so there’s a decent chance i’m getting my book eventually. this is good! the only thing is that there’s a £1 charge for requesting a book#i don’t begrudge this because you can sort of pay it whenever. your account won’t lock you out of borrowing unless you have#something like £20 in fines. i always thought it was £10 but then my friend managed to borrow several books for her kiddo despite owing £18#so i think it must be £20+. anyway. so requests cost £1#so i have an exception on my resolution. if the book costs equal to or less than £1; i can buy it instead of getting it from the library#this is where amazon comes in. they were offering the first witcher book for £0.99 a few days ago#i already had a reservation though so i dithered for a day or so and then was like ‘i would kind of like to own it just so i can read it at#my own pace & not be pretty much forced to read it as soon as the library gives it to me’#so i went back to amazon and how much is it now? £4.99#congrats jeff you played yourself. you could’ve had 99p but instead i’m paying the library#tbh i might just make it a rule to pay the library anyway? i’d rather give the library my money than jeff#i just found it funny how they unknowingly lost out on a sale like that. evil corporation gets defeated by small town library#personal
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Opinion Here’s how to get free Paxlovid as many times as you need it
When the public health emergency around covid-19 ended, vaccines and treatments became commercial products, meaning companies could charge for them as they do other pharmaceuticals. Paxlovid, the highly effective antiviral pill that can prevent covid from becoming severe, now has a list price of nearly $1,400 for a five-day treatment course.
Thanks to an innovative agreement between the Biden administration and the drug’s manufacturer, Pfizer, Americans can still access the medication free or at very low cost through a program called Paxcess. The problem is that too few people — including pharmacists — are aware of it.
I learned of Paxcess only after readers wrote that pharmacies were charging them hundreds of dollars — or even the full list price — to fill their Paxlovid prescription. This shouldn’t be happening. A representative from Pfizer, which runs the program, explained to me that patients on Medicare and Medicaid or who are uninsured should get free Paxlovid. They need to sign up by going to paxlovid.iassist.com or by calling 877-219-7225. “We wanted to make enrollment as easy and as quick as possible,” the representative said.
Indeed, the process is straightforward. I clicked through the web form myself, and there are only three sets of information required. Patients first enter their name, date of birth and address. They then input their prescriber’s name and address and select their insurance type.
All this should take less than five minutes and can be done at home or at the pharmacy. A physician or pharmacist can fill it out on behalf of the patient, too. Importantly, this form does not ask for medical history, proof of a positive coronavirus test, income verification, citizenship status or other potentially sensitive and time-consuming information.
But there is one key requirement people need to be aware of: Patients must have a prescription for Paxlovid to start the enrollment process. It is not possible to pre-enroll. (Though, in a sense, people on Medicare or Medicaid are already pre-enrolled.)
Once the questionnaire is complete, the website generates a voucher within seconds. People can print it or email it themselves, and then they can exchange it for a free course of Paxlovid at most pharmacies.
Pfizer’s representative tells me that more than 57,000 pharmacies are contracted to participate in this program, including major chain drugstores such as CVS and Walgreens and large retail chains such as Walmart, Kroger and Costco. For those unable to go in person, a mail-order option is available, too.
The program works a little differently for patients with commercial insurance. Some insurance plans already cover Paxlovid without a co-pay. Anyone who is told there will be a charge should sign up for Paxcess, which would further bring down their co-pay and might even cover the entire cost.
Several readers have attested that Paxcess’s process was fast and seamless. I was also glad to learn that there is basically no limit to the number of times someone could use it. A person who contracts the coronavirus three times in a year could access Paxlovid free or at low cost each time.
Unfortunately, readers informed me of one major glitch: Though the Paxcess voucher is honored when presented, some pharmacies are not offering the program proactively. As a result, many patients are still being charged high co-pays even if they could have gotten the medication at no cost.
This is incredibly frustrating. However, after interviewing multiple people involved in the process, including representatives of major pharmacy chains and Biden administration officials, I believe everyone is sincere in trying to make things right. As we saw in the early days of the coronavirus vaccine rollout, it’s hard to get a new program off the ground. Policies that look good on paper run into multiple barriers during implementation.
Those involved are actively identifying and addressing these problems. For instance, a Walgreens representative explained to me that in addition to educating pharmacists and pharmacy techs about the program, the company learned it also had to make system changes to account for a different workflow. Normally, when pharmacists process a prescription, they inform patients of the co-pay and dispense the medication. But with Paxlovid, the system needs to stop them if there is a co-pay, so they can prompt patients to sign up for Paxcess.
Here is where patients and consumers must take a proactive role. That might not feel fair; after all, if someone is ill, people expect that the system will work to help them. But that’s not our reality. While pharmacies work to fix their system glitches, patients need to be their own best advocates. That means signing up for Paxcess as soon as they receive a Paxlovid prescription and helping spread the word so that others can get the antiviral at little or no cost, too.
{source}
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hate when people judge me for smelling bad when it’s literally summer
#‘oh just shower’ okay now what. I smell like soap for an hour and then im back to having body hour#odor*#’wear deodorant’ one. like that works for very long? oh and should i wear it on my entire body??#two. I have pretty severe adhd. I remember that maybe once a week. let alone remembering to shower#and the COST of shower water when the shortest shower I’ve ever been able to take is 7 minutes. I timed it. a ten minute shower is rushing!!#I literally cannot wash my hair and body that fast (my hair is so greasy so I wash it every shower)#THREE. my medication causes me to sweat less there’s no way im wearing my antiperspirant deodorant in this heat#ill take all the heat relief i can get fuck you#four. it’s literally a personal choice fuck off. and what if someone can’t afford it too. literally mind ur business#and what if someone doesn’t have access to showers what then. go away
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I'm approving a patient for in patient physical rehabilitation for a month. Patient has all the diagnoses, both chronic and acute, including a pain condition and mobility issues, so there's zero issue with me approving the entire thing.
The hospital informed us that the patient, despite being aware of what's happening and them and having no memory issues, has problems with orientation and maintaining a psychological equilibrium if not provided with a familiar, stable environment. It is therefore vital their spouse come along. Again, I've got all the magic words I need to toss money at that too.
The suggested hospital is on an island an 8 hours' drive away from the patient's home address (one way, under optimal circumstances, provided no breaks are taken). They do not have a department for rehabilitative care, nor do they have an in patient department for the diagnosis listed as motivation for this entire thing. There's at least 6 major cities with excellent, objectively superior rehabilitative medical care on the way to the ferry over.
Hospital claims nothing about this choice of clinic contradicts the needs of this patient. It's purely incidental that this rehab is planned on one of the swankiest vacation spots in the country, just as tourist season starts. Also, we can't deny a patient rehab if there's a medical need for one. (:
#stories from work#we're funding the patient's spouse's vacation#i give it less than 24 hours before we get a call asking why we don't cover travel costs#patient lives in a city with several absolutely state of the art hospitals that could provide care#i have to deny necessary medications because they're OTC but this is okay?#rant#and just because I know what website I'm on#disabled injured and sick people and those who take care of them deserve a vacation away from their home as much as the next person#I'm just opposed to health insurance funding that vacation but not the same patient's pressure sore prophylaxis#if he had one that did it all I'd be thrilled#but for some reason that would be “prohibitively expensive”#so if I have to pick I'll go for the medically necessary#and these people can take the wheelchair accessible and affordable train to Sylt and stay in an accessible hotel on their own dime
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Ko-fi prompt from @liberwolf:
Could you explain Tariff's , like who pays them and what they do to a country?
Well, I can definitely guess where this question is coming from.
Honestly, I was pretty excited to get this prompt, because it's one I can answer and was part of my studies focus in college. International business was my thing, and the issues of comparative advantage (along with Power Purchasing Parity) were one of the things I liked to explore.
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At their simplest, tariffs are an import tax. The United States has had tariffs as low as 5%, and at other times as high as 44% on most goods, such as during the Civil War. The purpose of a tariff is in two parts: generating revenue for the government, and protectionism.
Let's first explore how a tariff works. If you want to be confused, then you need to have never taken an economics class, and look at this graph:
(src)
So let's undo that confusion.
The simplest examples are raw or basic materials such as steel, cotton, or wine.
First, without tariffs:
Let us say that Country A and Country B both produce steel, and it is of similar quality, and in both cases cost $100 per unit. Transportation from one country to the other is $50/unit, so you can either buy domestically for $100, or internationally for $150. So you buy domestically.
Now, Country B discovers a new place to mine iron very easily, and so their cost for steel drops to $60/unit due to increased ease of access. Country A can either purchase domestically for $100, or internationally for $110 (incl. shipping), which is much more even. Still, it is more cost-effective to purchase domestically, and so Country A isn't worried.
Transportation technology is improved, dropping the shipping costs to $30/unit. A person from Country A can buy: Domestic: $100 International: $60+$30 = $90 Purchasing steel from Country B is now cheaper than purchasing it from Country A, regardless of where you live.
Citizens in Country A, in order to reduce costs for domestic construction, begin to purchase their steel from Country B. As a result, money flows from Country A to B, and the domestic steel industry in Country A begins to feel the strain as demand dwindles.
In this scenario, with no tariffs, Country A begins to rely on B for their steel, which causes a loss of jobs (steelworkers, miners), loss of infrastructure (closing of mines and factories), and an outflow of funds to another country. As a result, Country A sees itself as losing money to B, while also growing increasingly reliant on their trading partner for the crucial good that is steel. If something happens to drive up the price of B's steel again, like political upheaval or a natural disaster, it will be difficult to quickly ramp up the production of steel in Country A's domestic facilities again.
What if a tariff is introduced early?
Alternately, the dropping of complete costs for purchase of steel from Country B could be counteracted with tariffs. Let's say we do a 25% tariff on that steel. This tariff is placed on the value of the steel, not the end cost, so:
$60 + (0.25 x $60) + $30 = $105/unit
Suddenly, with the implementation of a 25% tariff on steel from Country B, the domestic market is once again competitive. People can still buy from Country B if they would like, but Country A is less worried about the potential impacts to the domestic market.
The above example is done in regards to a mature market that has not yet begun to dwindle. The infrastructure and labor is still present, and is being preemptively protected against possible loss of industry to purchasing abroad.
What happens if the tariff is not implemented until after the market has dwindled?
Let's say that the domestic market was not protected by the tariff until several decades on. Country A's domestic production, in response to increased purchasing from abroad, has dwindled to one third of what it was before the change in pricing incentivized purchase from B. Prices have, for the sake of keeping this example simple, remained at $100(A) and $60(B) in that time. However, transportation has likely become better, so transportation is down to $20, meaning that total cost for steel from B is $80, accelerating the turn from domestic steel to international.
So, what happens if you suddenly implement a tariff on international steel? Shall we say, 40%?
$60 + (0.4 x 60) + 20 = $104
It's more expensive to order from abroad! Wow! Let's purchase domestically instead, because these prices add up!
But the production is only a third of what it used to be, and domestic mines and factories for refining the iron into steel can't keep up. They're scaling, sure, but that takes time. Because demand is suddenly triple of the supply, the cost skyrockets, and so steel in Country A is now $150/unit! The price will hopefully come down eventually, as factories and mines get back in gear, but will the people setting prices let that happen?
So industries that have begun to rely on international steel, which had come to $80/unit prior to the tariff, are facing the sudden impact of a cost increase of at least $25/unit (B with tariff) or the demand-driven price increase of domestic (nearly double the pre-tariff cost of steel from B), which is an increase of at least 30% what they were paying prior to the tariff.
There are possible other aspects here, such as government subsidies to buoy the domestic steel industry until it catches back up, or possibly Country B eating some of the costs so that people still buy from them (selling for $50 instead of $60 to mitigate some of the price hike, and maintain a loyal customer base), but that's not a direct impact of the tariff.
Who pays for tariffs?
Ultimately, this is a tax on a product (as opposed to a tax on profits or capital themselves, which has other effects), which means the majority of the cost is passed on directly to the consume.
As I said, we could see the producers in Country B cut their costs a little bit to maintain a loyal customer base, but depending on their trade relationships with other countries, they are just as likely to stop trading with Country A altogether in order to focus on more profitable markets.
So why do we not put tariffs on everything?
Well... for that, we get into the question of production efficiency, or in this case, comparative advantage.
Let's say we have two small, neighboring countries, C and D, that have negligible transportation costs and similar industries. Both have extensive farmland, and both have a history of growing grapes for wine, and goats for wool. Country C is a little further north than D, so it has more rocky grasses that are good for goats, while D has more fertile plains that are good for growing grapes.
Let's say that they have an equal workforce of 500,000 of people. I'm going to say that 10,000 people working full time for a year is 1 unit of labor. So, Country C and Country D have between the 100 units of labor, and 50 each.
The cost of 1 unit of wool = the cost of 1 unit of wine
Country C, having better land for goats, can produce 4 units of wool for every unit of labor, and 2 units of wine for every unit of labor.
Meanwhile, Country D, having better land for grapes, can produce 2 units of wool per unit of labor, and 4 units of wine per unit of labor.
If they each devote exactly half their workforce to each product, then:
Country C: 100 units of wool, 50 units of wine Country D: 50 units of wool, 100 units of wine
Totaling 150 units of each product.
However, if each devotes all of their workforce to the product they're better at...
Country C: 200 units of wool, no wine Country D: no wool, 200 units of wine
and when they trade with each other, they each end up with 100 units of each product, which is a doubling of what their less-efficient labor would have resulted in!
The real world is obviously much more complicated, but in this example, we can see the pros of outsourcing some of your production to another country to focus on your own specialties.
Extreme examples of this IRL are countries where most of the economy rests on one product, such as middle-eastern petro-states that are now struggling to diversify their economies in order to not get left behind in the transition to green energy, or Taiwan's role as the world's primary producer of semiconductors being its 'silicon shield' against China.
Comparative advantage can be used well, such as our Unnamed Countries (that are definitely not the classic example of England and Portugal, with goats instead of sheep) up in the example. With each economy focusing on its specialty, there is a greater yield of both products, meaning a greater bounty for both countries.
However, should something happen to Country C up there, like an earthquake that kills half the goats, they are suddenly left with barely enough wool to clothe themselves, and nothing for Country D, which now has a surplus of wine and no wool.
So you do have to keep some domestic industry, because Bad Things Can Happen. And if we want to avoid the steel example of a collapse in the given industry, tariffs might be needed.
Are export tariffs a thing?
Yes, but they are much rarer, and can largely be defined as "oh my god, everyone please stop getting rid of this really important resource by selling it to foreigners for a big buck, we are depleting this crucial resource."
So what's the big confusion right now?
Donald Trump has, on a number of occasions, talked about 'making China pay' tariffs on the goods they import into the US. This has led to a belief that is not entirely unreasonable, that China would be the side paying the tariffs.
The view this statement engenders is that a tariff is a bit like paying a rental fee for a seller's table at an event: the producer or merchant pays the host (or landlord or what have you) a fee to sell their product on the premises. This could be a farmer's market, a renaissance faire, a comic book convention, whatever. If you want to sell at the event, you have to pay a fee to get a space to set up your table.
In the eyes of the people who listened to Trump, the tariff is that fee. China is paying the United States for access to the market.
And, technically, that's not entirely wrong. China is thus paying to enter the US market. It's just the money to pay that fee needs to come from somewhere, and like most taxes on goods, that fee comes from the consumer.
So... what now?
Well, a lot of smaller US companies that rely on cheap goods made in China are buying up non-perishables while they can, before the tariffs hit. Long-term, manufacturers in the US that rely on parts and tools manufactured in China are going to feel the squeeze once that frontloaded stock is depleted.
Some companies are large enough to take the hit on their own end, still selling at cheap rates to the consumer, because they can offset those costs with other parts of their empire... at least until smaller competitors are driven out of business, at which point they can start jacking up their prices since there are no options left. You may look at that and think, "huh, isn't that the modus operandi for Walmart and Amazon already?" and yes. It is. We are very much anticipating a 'rich get richer, poor go out of business' situation with these tariffs.
The tariffs will also impact larger companies, including non-US ones like Zara (Spanish) and H&M (Swedish), if they have a huge reliance on Chinese production to supply their huge market in the United States.
If you're interested in the repercussions that people expect from these proposed tariffs on Chinese goods, I'd suggest listening to or watching the November 8th, 2024 episode of Morning Brew Daily (I linked to YouTube, but it's also available on Spotify, Nebula, the Morning Brew website, and other podcast platforms).
#id in alt text#id in alt#economics#tariffs#import tax#customs#customs duties#ko fi prompts#capitalism#phoenix talks#ko fi#taxes#taxation
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On Tommy and narrative threads
So some fans who are vehemently anti-Tommy frequently use the talking point that they need to have Buck confront Tommy about his past behavior while under Gerrard, or have him find out about it if he doesn't already know, and that he should break up with him about it. Or they need some kind of reckoning to happen with Hen and Chim in order to move forward.
I'm 95% sure neither of those things are going to happen, and here is why: the show considers that narrative thread to be closed.
It has run its course. It's done. It's been resolved. As fans and viewers - and as many of us are fic readers and writers - we always want to see things hashed out onscreen in exhaustive detail but that's not practically possible. The narrative sometimes has to signal that threads are resolved in other ways, in the way characters act towards each other and speak about each other.
Throughout the course of the three Begins episodes in which he appears, the writers clearly selected Tommy to represent the "firefighter who acted kinda jerky but got better through personal growth and friendship with new people" narrative. By the end of Bobby Begins Again, this narrative is more or less complete, as we've now seen Tommy act to support Hen and also be accepted into a friendly relationship with both her and Chim, not to mention Bobby. When he reappears in season 7, nobody acts like he's anything other than a friend, and Chim outright admires him.
This is the conclusion of this thread, as far as the show is concerned. Did he ever sit down with Hen and Chim and make some big speech or have some big discussion about how he's learned and changed? Probably not. Those kinds of direct conversations sometimes do happen in reality, but more often than not, you just spend years working with someone and your opinion of them shifts as all of you change. And remember, Hen and Chim worked with Tommy for years before Bobby even showed up.
And ask yourself this question: if Hen and Chim have both moved on, and have accepted whatever direct or implicit apology Tommy offered, how is it Buck's business to decide that no, that's not good enough, HE'S going to demand some kind of restitution on their behalf? That's patronizing as fuck. These are people with their own agency who don't need Buck to advocate for them and exact some kind of retroactive revenge for something they're not even mad about anymore. Would he be upset that Tommy ever made off-color remarks, or was less than welcoming to people who are now his friends? Maybe. Is he upset that Eddie nearly killed a man? Is he filled with moral outrage and disappointment that Hen cheated on her wife? Chim physically assaulted him, and so did Bobby. Is he still holding that against them? Is he upset NOW that nobody's speaking up on HIS behalf when Gerrard targets him? Buck's an adult. He knows that people frequently look back on their past behavior and cringe at what jerks they were, himself included.
Tommy has several times alluded to being ashamed of his past actions. He knows the score. The message we're meant to take from those comments is that he's taken steps to not be that guy anymore. Need he flagellate himself forever? Does this need to cost him and Buck a relationship they both value? It can't have been easy to come from a terrible father, go into the army, then into the LAFD with a terrible captain, and then to meet people who challenged your behavior and made you want to be a better person. The fact that he became a better person is something he should be admired for, not punished.
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so I’ve been gaining a lot of insight into the animation industry recently, especially in regards to pitching & the creation of new shows. There’s a few ways to go about it.
First, there’s pitching to a studio. When you pitch, it has to be SHORT and CONCISE. You may write a lovingly detailed pitch bible that perfectly breaks down episodes and characterizations, and it might barely even get read. First impressions, first impressions, first impressions!
Most peoples’ first projects don’t get picked up. I’ve heard a few stories from directors that said they tried pitching a story they’d had for years, which got rejected, to then spend a week or even several hours in their car coming up with a new idea, only for that to get greenlit.
But that’s not the end of it. Just because a show gets greenlit, doesn’t mean it will ever get finished. There’s lots of things that can happen. Sometimes, unexpected major world events (like… a global pandemic) can cause projects to get chopped. Sometimes, a CEO change or studio merge means a single person can decide a project “no longer fits with the company’s brand.” Sometimes, the one producer that was rooting for your project gets laid off, and no one else cares enough, so it gets shelved. Sometimes, a streaming service decides to create an animation department, and then they decide they don’t want it anymore. Sometimes, the studio will be simultaneously be developing another project that was too similar to yours and they just didn’t think to tell you until they decide yours is the one with less potential.
On top of that, almost everyone in the industry is saying that “studios just don’t pick up original content anymore.” Studios want something they can franchise, something that will bring in money. New content is risky. Established fanbases are safer.
However! Studios can still be a very good thing. They can be unionized. They can provide better benefits and resources. They can have connections and infrastructure and a larger volume of workers. At a studio, you can divide the labor and produce more in less time. Longer episodes, longer seasons, more consistency in quality.
But this comes with all of the disadvantages of having more in the kitchen.
The alternative is indie animation.
With indie animation, you have total freedom. Full artistic control. It doesn’t even matter if your idea sucks ass, because there’s no one to tell you you can’t make it. You could make it anyway, and you can make it whatever you wanted.
The thing is, making animation is hard. In my production class last semester, the average maximum animation one person could make in that timeframe was 30-60 seconds, and that’s not even counting background design, sound design, or cleanup/color. To make a 5 minute animated short, you should probably have at least 5 people.
And it is CRUCIAL you have a production manager. Ideally someone who’s not already doing art for the project. Most projects without a production manager will fall apart pretty quickly. Once the adrenaline and impulse-fueled motivation wears off, you need someone to hold you accountable and enforce deadlines and proper time management.
Speaking of time, that’s also hard to get. The more people you have, the more likely schedules won’t line up. Most people will have school, or other jobs.
And it costs MONEY!!!!!! You either have everyone work for free and volunteer their time & energy, or you establish a business as a proper indie studio, with people who may or may not have experience on how to handle paying someone else’s salary. And the money has to come from somewhere, so you have to rely on crowdfunding like patreon or kickstarter. (This, by the way, is why I could never fault an indie animation for releasing merch with their pilot.)
And like, maybe you wanna do a series, and all your friends agree to volunteer their labor and time to make the first episode, but it was unanimously not sustainable. Deciding not to produce a second episode until you can raise enough money is not being suddenly greedy, it’s attempting to compensate people rather than expecting them to be continuously taken advantage of.
You have to consider your output as well. There are some outliers like Worthikids, who afaik does all his animation himself, and afaik can work on it full-time thanks to his patreon subscribers. And he still has only produced a total of 30 minutes of animation (for Big Top Burger specifically) in the past 4 years. This is an IMPRESSIVE feat and this is with using a lot of 3D as part of his pipeline!!
Indie animation also has the complication of being more accessible for fandoms. When you’re posting your Official Canon Content on youtube, it doesn’t look a lot different than the fandom-created video essay in the sidebar next to it. What’s canon vs what’s fanon becomes less distinguishable. The boundaries are blurrier. When the creator is just some guy you follow on twitter, it’s easier to prod them for info regarding ships and theories and word-of-god confirmation. They don’t have a PR team or entire international tv networks to appeal to. And this is when creators get frustrated that their fans snowball and turn their creation into something they don’t recognize (and no longer enjoy) anymore.
So it’s tricky.
Thankfully, the threshold to learn animation is fairly low nowadays!! There are TONS of resources online to learn it on your own without forking over a couple hundred thousand to a private art college. There are conventions and discord servers and events where you can network, if you know where to look.
I know it can seem discouraging in the face of capitalism, but I think that’s all the more reason why it’s so important to BE DETERMINED about animation!! We’re already starting to see the beginning of an indie animation boom, and I think it’s a testament to humanity’s desire to tell stories and create art. Even if there’s no financial gain, we do whatever it takes to tell our stories anyway.
#animation#2d animation#indie animation#long post#not 100% sure why I made this post#all this to say: I’m still not sure what direction I want to go towards for my own show#ngl!! i think im confident i could get people to like my show. i think I could find an audience#i have some experience at this point getting people to like my ocs#its just a matter of MAKING the damn thing
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Help a queer family of disabled nerds
Hey my name is Dante, I live in the Midwest with three of my best friends. We have four cats, one of which is my babyman whom I love very dearly.
His name is Latke Library Card Mango (LLCM). He's very orange and he's the light of my boyfriend, Kris, and I's life.
Cat pics are great right? Have a few.
A few months ago, latkes chronic bladder stones condition acted up which resulted in two emergency vet visits and a week long stay with his actual vet to get the stone removed.
It was the size of a chickpea.
Here's a photo of his post surgery when he had a nakie tummy. He was very very happy to see us.
He's since recovered, but the cost of this put us back around 1300 dollars in total. He's now on a special diet with rather pricey food to prevent this from happening but it might still act up eventually.
We've paid down some of his debt, but the interest is making it become more and more as we try to pay it down.
On top of this, our pipes backed up into our basement and refused to work suddenly a few weeks ago. We live in a house that is over a century old, and the clay pipes keep getting roots growing into them that causes them to not drain.
The roto had to come out and high pressure the roots out to clear them (which required expensive equipment), This put us back another grand.
To add to everything, our 700+ auto insurance bill is due in November, which is the worst time for this bill to need due, but both myself and Kris drive over ten miles to work during different shifts on opposite ends of town- neither of our jobs have public transit anywhere near them.
We are currently barely making ends meet-
I am a lunch lady at a public high school. I love my job. I feed kids who possibly don't even eat at home some days. I do work I am proud of.
However, I can only work around 25 hours a week without risking losing my insurance as a disabled person. My job does not have longer hour positions available, and I am too disabled to work more than this without ruining my body like I have done in the past.
I have been going without buying groceries out of fear that what little money I have in my account will be needed in an emergency. I will be out of work for a week this month, around Thanksgiving, and during Xmas break- unpaid due to me working in a school. Me being out also means no guaranteed meal every day.
Kris works in a factory. He is currently working 55+ hours a week to make what we can to pay off the bills and keep our house. He only has one and a half knees that hurt all the damn time and is barely eating either just to afford everything. His factory keeps calling for sudden shutdown weeks with little notice at the worst times, and he's the main breadwinner in the house for us.
The other two in our household, one is severely disabled and can barely work 10 hr/week (he is waiting on hearing back to receive SSI) on top of having multiple medical appointments a week to figure out what is wrong with his body and why it keeps failing. The other is a freelance artist who is working her butt off to make money while carting the previous to appointments nearly every day. She is full up on commissions at the moment, but when she opens them I'll reblog her posts.
I really didn't want to make this post. I hate asking for help. But we are drowning and there's no sign of land. None of us can afford to live on our own, nor can we move back in with our parents for various reasons.
All I'm asking for is some help. I don't care how much. Five dollars is five dollars. Five dollars is half an hour less we have to kill ourselves to make ends meet.
Even if we don't make the full amount, every dollar will help us get a bit closer to paying this stuff down so we can afford gas and regular grocery trips again instead of having to save up to go once a month like we are currently doing.
Our goal is 2000 dollars.
Yes, this is the high amount. I do not believe we will ever reach it. I can hope we can raise this much at some point.
But for now that's the dream number.
It's the number that is looming over our heads, telling us to pay up or lose our home.
It's not something we need this very moment, but just what we need in the next few months to be able to afford living without destroying our body or working three jobs/ridiculous hours.
We thank anyone who can spare a few bucks to help us, and if you can't afford it just pass this post along to someone who might be able to.
Please send as friend/family if you can, PayPal is threatening to withhold money sent as transactions now if you receive over a certain amount.
This includes sending things through my ko-fi account- so here's the preferred methods:
Progress:
388.74/2,000
Thank you for reading. I love you.
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𝜗𝜚 So Long, Quantico.
Prison Reid x Fem!reader
Read part two here!
Summary: Your best friend asks you for a favor and you must defend the innocence of the man you were in love with, the same man for whom you left the FBI and moved to another country years ago.
Words: 1,6k.
TW: mentions of murder, trauma, death, jail. angst without happy ending. miscommunication. right person, wrong time. reid's time in jail. spoilers for season 13 and all the ones before that. english is not my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).
Note: First of all I want to thank you for all the support in my first post because the truth is that I didn't expect (if you haven't read it yet, I already have my masterlist). I still can't believe I reached 1000 notes, it makes me very happy.
And secondly, I apologize in advance for this, but I love drama and being a little cliche sometimes. I promise to write a nice, comfortable, less dramatic Spencer story in the future (I hope so) but ttpd is my everything lately.
♡ Enjoy! ♡
The constant pounding of your right leg against the table was beginning to make you desperate and to dwarf the room. You didn't know what to do to stop and think for a few seconds, you had even lost count of all the times you had tried to fix your already perfect and ironed clothes that you had spent hours choosing and modeling in front of your hotel mirror.
It felt like hours had passed since you arrived at the prison, though it was probably only a few minutes. Part of you wanted to run out of there and avoid a dangerous reunion at all costs. The other part was anchored to the chair and would not move until you found a way to get Spencer out of there and fulfill the favor Emily had asked of you.
You couldn't let your best friend down, especially when her job could be in jeopardy if Reid was still in prison. You wanted to make sure she was okay, and repay her for all the favors she had done for you during the years you had lived together in London. Without her, you probably would not have survived or become the successful and respected lawyer you were now. She helped you heal when you needed it, now it was your turn to help.
Before you could think, grab your things and maybe even leave the room to catch your breath, a guard abruptly opened the door. Your eyes immediately fell on the handcuffed man the guard had practically thrown into the chair in front of you.
You blinked several times, trying to process that you were actually standing in front of him. He looked so different from the way you remembered him from the occasional picture Prentiss showed you. The years hadn't gone by for nothing, you knew that, but Spencer looked like someone else. It was more than the messy hair, the beard, or the numerous bruises on his face that made you wince. It was that his eyes no longer sparkled, and he himself looked dull.
The guard came out after warning them that they only had fifteen minutes, and the cameras pointed directly at you two.
“Hey.” That was all you could say, biting your inner cheek at how stupid it sounded.
At first he didn't react and hardly seemed to breathe. His expression was like seeing a ghost, and you couldn't blame him after so many years of not hearing from you. You knew you looked different from the last time you saw each other because you had tried too hard to look like someone else. You wore your hair shorter and a different color, even the way you dressed was other. You looked more serious and grown up.
“What are you doing here?” He asked dryly after scanning you with his eyes for a few seconds.
You froze when you heard him speak and his voice, once music to your ears, was like a kick in the stomach.
“I came to help. I thought Emily told you...”
“She told me that she wanted to call you but I told her not to.” Spencer cut you off before you could continue speaking. “That you weren't going to help me.”
You frowned as your brain processed those words.
“Why not? You...you are my friend.” You said, trying to hide the tremor in your voice.
He clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes, trying to look away from you because it hurt. You could feel the tension multiply, making it almost impossible to breathe in the small room.
“Friends don't stop talking for six years and pretend the other doesn't exist.”
Oh, that had hurt.
It was true that you had disappeared from his life six years ago, and you had not made the slightest effort to return, even leaving the country with the excuse of looking for a better future. But you had your hidden reasons, you wanted to forget Spencer Reid and your intensely ridiculous and unrequited love.
From the first time you heard him talk about statistics and smile at you like a child, realizing that you listened to him like no one else, you fell madly in love with him for years. Always hoping that one day he would stop thinking of you as his friend and realize how much he deserved to be loved and that you would be happy to do so, that you could give him the whole world without hesitation if he asked you to.
At first you thought he wasn't that interested in love, that he was too smart and focused to lose his mind like you did for him. However, then you saw him several times interested and pining for other girls: the movie actress, JJ, the girl at the bar and Maeve...she was very different and painful for you.
You couldn't stand his strong love for her, at least not being so close to him and having to play the role of the best friend who always listened to him repeat how wonderful she was. Knowing that he could fall in love with someone he didn't even know personally instead of you, whom he saw every day and had known for years, changed you and made you run away to save your heart.
You got a new job far from the United States, thanks to Agent Hotchner and his glowing letter of recommendation. And so you went back to being an ordinary lawyer, no longer chasing serial killers or a boy genius who never loved you as you would have liked.
“Spence, I...” You tried to speak softly, almost having the urge to take his hand to make the situation better, but you didn't. “I'm sorry.”
He was obviously tense, he wouldn't even look you in the eye and you could swear his eyes were a little crystallized. He barely glanced at you for a second before speaking again.
“You don't have to say it if it's not true.”
“It's true.”
You stopped yourself for a second, sighing and centering yourself again.
“But I'm here for the case, to help you with that...and I'm sorry for everything that happened to you.” You said more calmly and with an almost sweet tone.
You both knew it was more than just the prison issue and the current situation. It was a sorry for Maeve's death, Alex, Morgan and Hotch's resignation, his mother's problems, Cat's damn appearance, and most of all for not being there to support him in all.
“You should have called and said so.” He finally responded after letting out a snort and tensing his jaw more.
“Yeah...I should have.” You admitted, shifting uncomfortably in your seat.
You thought silence would take over the room again, but instead he spoke again.
“You can go now.”
“I'm not going anywhere unless you're free.” You pointed out with determination.
“You don't have a problem with go before.” He said in the same indifferent tone that was beginning to irritate you.
You should have frozen, kept quiet and focused on the case to get him out of there. But you couldn't do that and act professional when your insides were burning with the memory of the past.
“Don't give me that, you know why I did.” You blurt out, frowning and instinctively pushing the chair away from the table that separates you from him.
“You never said anything to me.” He replied, running a hand through his hair in frustration before speaking again. “You just disappeared like everyone else I've ever loved because you got bored with me.”
“You know I left for the opposite reason, because I...” You tried to say, but your voice cracked and your hands shook in an awkward attempt to touch his. “I loved you the way that you were and...”
The sudden sound of the door opening made you gasp and immediately shut up. The presence of a grim-faced guard made you realize it was all over, and you pulled your hand away from Spencer's again.
“Time's up.” The guard reported and you signaled him to have at least more minutes.
Fortunately, the guard nodded and gave you only five more minutes. You looked at your client again, trying to get into the professional role and discuss his case, but he seemed to be in another world after your half sentences.
There was no room in Reid's mind for your words, after feeling guilty for so long for not doing enough to be a good friend to you, for scaring you away with his problems, for not being one you wanted to keep over time and return his calls. But now, did you really say what you thought? Did you really love and care for him?
Everything was tearing his word apart in that moment.
“You won't have to see me if you don't want to, but I'll get you out of here soon, Spencer. I swear.” You promised and you could see in his face the surprise at your honest tone.
Maybe he expected a different attitude from you, maybe he thought you were still so obsessed with him that you would insist on seeing him and kill yourself to make him laugh again. But you had matured, or so you thought. You were no longer the young woman who hugged him every time he felt far away and was content to be the one who was left over. Now, you were the brave woman who left the ship before it sank completely.
As you watched the guard check the handcuffs and lift Spencer out of the seat to take him away, something inside you reacted. You called out his name before you could react and quickly had his desperate eyes on you.
“You don't have to worry about the past...I'm over you.” You said confidently before nodding goodbye and walking out with one less burden.
He remained anchored to the ground, trying to process your words with his racing mind as he watched you leave him again.
You...you had been in love with him?
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid x fem!reader#matthew gray gubler
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Help my best friend keep their teeth!
Hey there. My name's Tulip and I made this blog as a way to boost the GoFundMe campaign to raise funds for my best friend Peyton's dental expenses.
Peyton and I have known each other for seven years now, and in that time I've watched them endure severe dental issues that would be utterly debilitating to anyone else. The prohibitive cost and psychological distress kept Peyton from receiving the care they desperately needed, and as such they spent several years living with multiple broken teeth. It was only after the pain had gotten so bad that they were unable to eat, sleep, or think clearly that they were able to get to a dentist. They ended up having two teeth extracted. I was glad to see them in less pain, but it made me feel sick to think that we could've saved their teeth had they been treated sooner. I decided that I couldn't bear to see my friend live with this burden any longer, and I've been doing everything I can to try and raise the funds for them.
Since the GoFundMe launched they've been able to get the most pressing work done, thankfully, but there's still a way's to go before they're pain-free and healthy. Last week we officially raised enough for Peyton's third procedure (Yippee!!) and we're now moving on to funding the fourth, which'll be a hefty $964.00. They'll be getting this work done in mid May, so that leaves us with about a month to raise the funds.
I'm sure many of you reading this have personally experienced mouth pain, so you can imagine how hard this has been on Peyton. I don't want them to have to worry about choosing between going into debt or keeping their teeth. Any amount donated will put us that much closer to bringing them further relief. If you can’t donate, please consider sharing--even if you don't think anyone will see. Thank you for reading!
Some tooth art by Peyton, see more here.
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The Price of Pride (23/?)
[ canon • Aemond x Royce • female ]
[ warnings: sex content, unprotected sex, targcest stuff, smut, the angst, nightmares, speaking about trauma ]
[ description: Prince Aemond finds a solution to the disproportion in the number of dragons between Dragonstone and King's Landing: he decides to find dragon blood and, like his half-sister, train dragon riders. He takes as his target the daughter of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce, whom he abducts and imprisons in the Red Keep. Slow burn, darkish, insolent, arrogant Aemond. I have combined several requests here: (dragon blood female & prisoner female). ]
* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *
Next chapters: Masterlist
_____
That night he slept vigilantly – he was awakened by her every movement, her uneven breath, the creak of the bed beneath her body. He held her close and did not let her out of his embrace fearing that again, led by some dark, cruel dream, she would try to do what he had witnessed.
It was only when he saw her standing over the edge of the precipice that he understood what her disappearance would mean: that with her he would lose the part of himself that she had managed to reawaken.
He tried, he made an effort, he changed for her, because he knew that she would see it, that she would appreciate it, that she would tell him, as she always did, that she understood him.
She was the first person to praise him out loud – there was something humbling about how much he craved it, whether from his mother's, his father's, Aegon's, Sylvi's or Criston's lips.
Everyone he had somehow allowed to cross the line and know some part of himself.
However, it was only she who was able to do it in the way he needed – not pitying him, not treating him like a child, but simply trying to comprehend what he was facing, why some things were difficult for him while others were groundbreaking.
He realised that she never demanded anything of him: she never asked him to marry her, she never asked him to send her home, she never asked him to become more open.
She always waited patiently, with a strange, partly incomprehensible understanding, showing him that it was simply his nature.
With her, he stopped being ashamed of himself: of who he was and who he wasn't, what he lacked, what he had lost, what mistakes he had made.
Because of her, he forgave himself.
He had found peace.
And now, that peace was about to disappear with her.
He swallowed hard at the mere memory and snuggled her tighter into him, embracing her more firmly in his arms. He heard her quiet mutter, her fingers tightening on the material of his shirt, her cheek pressed against his chest.
His thoughts fled to what she had said, to what she had seen in her dream – him with another woman, his betrayal, the greatest humiliation she could have experienced on his part as his wife.
He could not comprehend why she thought he could fail her trust in this way, break the oath he had taken before the gods themselves, hurt her while she was helping him heal his wounds.
Even if she were only his lover, he wouldn't want another – he would not be able to open himself up again, to allow someone into his heart and mind, much less at the cost of losing her.
You are my only friend.
And you are mine, he thought, stroking her hair slowly, exactly as she had asked him to do.
She combined everything he wanted, allowing him to take care of herself so that he could feel like a man, while at the same time caring for him, giving him space, so that sometimes, but only sometimes, when he felt weak, he could become a little boy in her arms.
There was something liberating in that thought – in the conviction that his grandfather was right, and that his affection for her could slowly blossom, giving him more strength every day.
He wanted her to be sure of his fidelity and devotion, just as he was sure of hers.
He knew that this alone would give her peace of mind.
To his satisfaction, she stopped pretending not to see him – when she asked him early in the morning if he would help her with her bath and be by her side, he immediately agreed.
He would never have thought he would so willingly step into the role of a servant of sorts – while she sat in the bath in her nightgown, sunk up to her chin in warm water full of fragrant oils, he gently rubbed her arms and hands with a damp cloth.
There was something intimate about this moment, some attempt of reconciliation, of staying together despite all that had happened.
He didn't tell her about what went on behind closed doors – he didn't tell her that his grandfather was delighted with what she had accomplished, that he, Criston and Gwayne were planning to conquer the Eyrie before Rhaenyra could recover from another loss and move on them.
Deprived of Daemon and Rhaenys, she was like a lion without fangs and claws – even new dragon riders could not replace the experience and bond they had with Caraxes and Meleys.
Otto felt, and he agreed, that the kingdom should hear that it was he, not his wife, who had killed Daemon – this was not to give him credit for it, although it certainly helped him as Prince Regent, but above all – in his eyes – it was to protect her from accusations that would be damaging to her.
Namely, that she was a kinslayer.
Word that she had killed her father, committing, like him, a sin unkind to the gods would spread like the wind, preventing her from getting rid of the remorse that was already overwhelming her.
He preferred everyone to think it was he who had killed his uncle.
He was already cursed in the eyes of others anyway, so what he had done would no longer matter.
Daemon's death raised the morale of the army: his soldiers celebrated all the next day after he announced the news. He guessed that his wife heard them, grieving, but he could not forbid them from doing so; he stood between the hammer and the anvil.
To his satisfaction, it turned out that both Cole and Gwayne were men showing enough sensitivity to understand his wife's condition: her help was still needed by them, but it was clear that forcing her to do anything would turn against them.
They had to wait patiently for her to return to balance, in the meantime planning every next step.
The fact that she was carrying his child pleased him, but it also made things even more complicated.
No one but him, Maester and her knew about it.
"I remember more and more. From the time I was a child." Her voice snapped him out of his reverie.
He looked at her, her face flushed from the warm steam that floated around them, her long, dark hair tied back to keep it from getting wet.
He sighed quietly, his thumb running over the moist skin of her wrist.
"And what do you see?" He asked, though he guessed what her answer would be.
"My father. The way my mother spoke to him and about him. She told me once…" she muttered and fell silent, lowering her gaze as if ashamed and heartbroken, her eyebrows arched in pain.
"… she said something that I think was the source of my age-old resentment towards your lineage. She said that the Targaryens have strange customs. That fathers take their daughters to their bed. I think that's why I repressed all my memories of my father embracing me, touching me, kissing me on the forehead. The thought that he wasn't doing it out of fatherly love, but out of sick, disgusting lust, terrified me. She destroyed his image in my eyes because she hated him herself. But now that I think about it, he never touched me in a wrong way. He never even tried."
She whispered, finally looking up at him, as if begging him to confirm her words, to tell her that she was right even though he had not witnessed the events.
He swallowed hard, realising that he often forgot that what his family had been doing for generations was ordinary only for them, but not for people from the outside.
"Marriages in our family happen between relatives, but never between parents and children or grandparents and grandchildren. That would be unacceptable." He replied calmly.
Her fingers clenched on his hand, as if she was wordlessly trying to convey to him that she needed him now more than ever.
"But after all, there were rumours of my father taking Rhaenyra, his niece, to a brothel long before she became his wife. She was still a little girl then." She muttered in a breaking voice.
He lowered his gaze, not knowing what he should reply to these words.
"I've heard about it too, but as you say, it's gossip. I didn't hold any love for him, but I can't say with certainty if or what he did to her at the time. I'm no saint myself." He confessed, finally looking up at her.
She blinked, staring at him with surprise bordering on horror, as if his confession frightened her.
"What do you mean?"
He felt his jaw clench in an unpleasant shudder of discomfort at the thought of what he had done to her.
"I have used you. I did it deliberately for months."
He fell silent, unable to look into her eyes – it was only when he said the words aloud that it occurred to him what he had actually done to her.
"You didn't force me. I agreed to it." She whispered.
"Did you?" He asked, looking at her finally. "Do you think my pride would have endured your refusal, your rejection? That I wouldn't do anything to you?"
She swallowed loudly, looking at him with some kind of worry – her lips pursed into a thin line as she took his hand in hers.
"And you? Do you think I really had any desire to lose my maidenhood with some servant? That I didn't want you to take his place? I didn't know you, nor did you know me. For a long time it was a game, yours and mine. But at some point I no longer knew what was a lie and what was the truth. I began to miss you by day and looked forward to falling asleep in your arms at night. The more I got to know you, the more I longed to stay by your side."
He didn't know why his lower lip was quivering, why he felt a burning wetness under his eyelid, why his throat was squeezed with emotion.
What he couldn't comprehend was the ease with which she was able to understand him and his decisions, as if it didn't require any effort on her part – the knowledge that she never resented him, that she was partially aware of what he was doing and consented to it made him think that perhaps it had to be that way.
That it was somehow their joint decision.
A shared effort to understand who they were, what they craved and why they kept returning to each other.
"I ask you to forgive me." He whispered, clasping his fingers over hers, feeling his heart pounding like mad in his chest.
Forgive me for who I was when you met me.
Who I still am when you are not by my side.
"I too ask for your forgiveness." She replied softly, making him feel a pleasant warmth spread across his chest.
The reciprocation.
"I forgive you." He said.
"I forgive you too." She replied and smiled lightly, sincerely, for the first time since those events.
She shifted towards him with a quiet splash of water, and he did the same – he sighed with some kind of relief when her face pressed against his cheek, when her scent filled his lungs, when her full lips placed a warm, wet, tender kiss on his hot skin.
He closed his eye, focusing on that pleasurable touch, his fingers involuntarily stroking her hair, her neck, her jaw, his words against her ear like a whisper.
"I regret that I didn't meet you sooner. That it wasn't the warmth of your body, the moisture of your lips that I experienced for the first time as a young boy. That our fathers did not betroth us the day you came into this world." He spoke quietly, tracing the tip of his nose over the soft, smooth structure of her plump, pink cheek.
He felt her hands tighten on his tunic, her breath caught in her throat as her thighs involuntarily clenched under the water.
His erection pulsed hard in his breeches.
It seemed to him that ages passed before her face slowly turned towards him, before her lips found his, teasing him merely, not giving him full kisses, but only a foreshadowing, an encouragement, a promise of what he wanted so badly.
He pressed her against his body, unable to contain himself, sinking greedily into her soft, wet flesh – his hand clenched in her hair, preventing her from escaping his slick tongue as it burst deep into her throat.
She moaned into his mouth and it was one of the sweetest sounds she'd ever made – he involuntarily smiled, feeling lighter as her arms embraced his neck, as her lips parted, allowing him to continue.
They had never kissed like this before – so slowly, lazily, as if they had all the time in the world. They concentrated on making their lips unite completely, the quiet clicks of their saliva accompanying their every flick. His fingers stroked the skin of her face, her neck and her hair more gently than ever before, as if any sudden movement on his part might suddenly startle her.
"– I miss you – in every way –" He breathed out between one kiss and the next, embarrassed by his desperate confession, which he would not have dared to make in the presence of any other woman.
He knew, however, that she would not mock him.
That she would understand him.
She sighed, pressing her forehead against his, her knuckles running over the line of his jaw.
"– I miss you too –"
Her body beneath him was wet and warm. It seemed to him that they were two parts of one whole – before he did what he so desperately craved, he simply admired the way she looked.
He marvelled at how her breasts had begun to change – through the baby in her womb they had become fuller, plumper, like a ripe fruit.
He leaned over her bare skin, placing wet, lazy kisses around her nipple, finally closing his lips around it. She moaned as he began to tease it with the tip of his tongue, swirling it around the sensitive spot – he knew she loved it when he did that – her hands always pressed him closer to her chest, exactly like now, asking for more.
His hand slid slowly down her waist, to her hip, finally finding its way between her thighs. The tips of his fingers ran over her silky womanhood, collecting the moisture that had managed to leak out of her, merely brushing her hot skin. He felt her body shudder as her legs involuntarily spread wider, consenting to whatever he wanted to give her.
For some reason, he felt as if this was their first time – perhaps because they were completely different people than when he had taken her to his bed.
She remained his prisoner, and he had complete power over her, treating her body as something that belonged to him for the sake of a strict, eternal law, the essence of a woman as one who could not oppose a man.
This time, however, feeling the skin of her soft breasts melt under his lips, sinking his fingers into her sticky, fleshy folds, running them around her little bud, he felt like a young boy exploring a woman's body for the first time.
There was something reassuring about the way she just let him do it, combing through his long, white hair with her fingers, breathing softly, clearly taking pleasure in how slow and precise his caresses were.
Now, lying beneath him, she was truly his little sister, his future wife, betrothed to him from the day she was born, created to be only his.
There was something beautiful about this vision, he thought as his middle finger pushed against her tight, throbbing entrance – she gasped, clenching her fingers against his naked back, but neither she nor her body offered him any resistance.
"– lēkia – I want you inside me –" She mumbled with difficulty, as if ashamed and bitter that she wanted this so badly, that, although she wanted to prolong this state of sweet tension, she was unable to hold out any longer.
His long-fully hard manhood twitched and pressed against her thigh, expressing his irresistible desire to do exactly what she asked.
He released her nipple from between his lips with a quiet click, lifting his face higher, placing a warm, loud kiss on her cheek – he felt her fingers run over his jaw, neck and chest as he grasped his erection in his palm and directed it to her slit. They both sighed when they felt the closeness of their bodies as, with a slow, patient movement of his hips, he opened her for himself and froze in this position.
Her insides were moist and warm, exactly as he remembered – his forehead pressed against hers as they embraced each other tightly, her breasts clinging to his torso in sudden need of closeness.
For a moment he simply looked at her, breathing loudly along with her.
They both sighed with a low, surprised moan as he involuntarily stretched her fleshy walls wider on his erection, sinking deeper into her – her hands slid down from his bare back to his buttocks, stroking them in some comforting, tender gesture.
I love you, he thought, placing a hot, moist kisses on her plump lips, letting his entire manhood deep inside her body – the experience was a kind of epiphany, something from which there was no turning back.
She sighed softly into his throat, reciprocating the lazy, sweet caresses of his lips as he began to sink into her with tentative, light thrusts, again and again disappearing into the familiar, the good, the safe.
They embraced tighter, looking directly into each other's eyes and it was the most intimate thing he had ever experienced – he usually avoided a woman's gaze, even hers, afraid of what he would see in it.
Sadness as in his mother's eyes, compassion as in Sylvi's, sorrow as in Helaena's.
However, his hāedar's eyes told him something different – in her gaze he saw pain, loss, longing, pleading, all that he felt deep inside himself.
They both moaned, panting louder and louder as her hips began to sway to the rhythm of his thrusts, reaching out to join him again.
"– you're so warm –" He exhaled wearily, ashamed to hear his voice break.
He wasn't sure why he'd said it – he wanted to say so many other things right now, but he couldn't.
These words seemed natural to him, sincere, coming from the depths of his heart – the outside world was cruel, vicious, cold, and her body was full of warmth, softness, smooth as silk.
They embraced closer and snuggled into each other, stroking each other's hair and faces, kissing slowly and unhurriedly, deeply, tenderly, in a way that deep down he had dreamed of.
He wasn't sure if he was usually a rough, sometimes even harsh lover because he wanted to, or because it gave him confidence, allowing him to keep his face and dignity.
There's more dignity in this, he thought, speeding up his movements, letting their bodies slam against each other loud and fast with sticky splats of their naked skin, listening to their grunts and sighs filled with pleasure.
For some reason he felt more like a human, more like a man, more like himself than he ever had, with his long hair loose falling over her face, without an eye patch covering his eye, completely bare not only with his body, but also with his mind.
He showed her what he hadn't even shown Sylvi.
He showed her that he was capable of affection, capable of longing, capable of suffering because of another person.
He was weak.
But by her side it didn't matter.
Her nails dug into the skin of his back as she inevitably neared her peak, tears of relief ran down her face, a quiet, girlish cry of delight broke from her lips as the sweet convulsion of fulfilment shook her body.
She was beautiful in her vulnerability.
"– hāedar –" He gasped out – his fingers clamped down on the sheet as he groaned low, clenching his eyelids, finally coming inside her, feeling the sudden, wonderful shivers surging through his body, the sweet pulsing in his erection, which at last experienced release.
He sighed loudly as he simply lay on top of her, careful, however, not to crush her with the weight of his body – they embraced with their arms and continued like this, breathing heavily in the silence of the chamber.
He closed his eyes when he felt her lips place a warm, tender kiss on the top of his head and involuntarily smiled, feeling like a little boy again.
At last, after so many years of anguish, he was truly loved by someone.
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I genuinely cannot conceptualize how the statement "internationally lauded science school the Massachusetts Institute of Technology ran the numbers like they do and determined that making under $70,000 per year while living in this expensive area of the United States of America (aka the great Satan) means you will be struggling to afford basic expenses" is controversial or can be taken personally. go yell at MIT about it if you're mad. "people make less money elsewhere" not relevant. "if someone made 70k in Alabama they would be upper middle class" not relevant. "everyone making less than 70k can just leave Seattle" self-evidently a fallacy, ridiculous position for the Up the Working Class website to take. I assume everyone saying this has never moved their household thousands of miles away. I have!
the fact that it costs that much to survive in several areas of the USA should be responded to with "jesus christ why does it cost that much" and not "everyone who can barely afford the $2500 median rent in Expensive City, USA, but can't afford to leave, is bourgeois"
edit: you know what this is? it's fox news "90% of households on welfare own a refrigerator" for Tumblr ignorati
#SORRY I DONT KNOW WHY THIS POST KEEPS EDITING ITSELF#my apologies#i keep trying to readmore it to spare annoyed mutuals!#i genuinely do not understand why this is difficult#the class consciousness in this country is in the fucking toilet#we are absolutely doomed
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