#ANYWAYS THANK YOU FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS??? IDK HOW TO PROCESS THEM IN A WAY THATS SANE OR NORMAL BUT I AM A BLOB OF JOY RN | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

intheshadowsbehindyou · 1 year ago

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Hello! I love your writing style!! It's just so on spot, and I wanted to request some headcanons for the mercs with a gn! reader who doesn't really speak but they can communicate through sign language or paper for whatever reason, the thing is, the Merc and the reader find themselves in a really critical situation or just an incredibly intimate and comforting moment, blurting out for the first time something serious or stupid like "y'know when I first met you I thought you're really stupid...(affectionate)" IDK OF THIS MAKES SENSE OR IT'S WEIRD SORRY LMAOOA

(if you don't wanna do all of them you could do your faves & I hope there's a chance to add miss Pauling if possible😔) but anyway, too much to read,, sorry again!! Take care♡♡

Y/N with communication anxiety admits their feelings to the Mercs

Scout:

- He’s very chill and nonchalant about it. Although have fun hearing him talk his mouth off all the time and rant about random things. He takes a liking to you pretty quickly when you join his team and leans on the wall next to you tossing his ball from hand to hand and blowing bubbles with his bubblegum. “Heeey there slugger. What‘s your name? You look like a total nightmare today.” He says. When you don’t answer him and nervously gesture to your throat that you’d prefer staying quiet he pauses for a moment. “Not a talker, eh?”

- Literally will not shut the fuck up. Will talk to you for hours on end. Venting or just saying plain stupid shit to impress you. You find his personality rather charming and in exchange he seems to appreciate your content silence and preference to listen to him. Something that the other Mercs don’t really do.

- “Y’know, Y/N. I know this sounds fuckin’ weird but like— Thank you I guess? For listening to my nonstop ramblin. I mean.. Not many people stop to consider what I have to say.” He says this to you while you sit in Tuefort’s gazebo with him on a cold desert morning. “They just think i’m annoying I guess..”

- “Annoying yet charming and handsome nonetheless, Scout.” You finally work up the courage to mutter to him. Your voice is rasp and you smile.

- Scout pauses, then looks at you in complete disbelief. Did Y/N just speak? Atop of that it seemed to have been a flirtatious compliment. He takes a moment to process the situation and then sort of chortles. He runs his hand through his own hair and acts chill about it but on the inside he’s absolutely mad with feelings. “Wow.. That’s.. Yeah, OK.” he says, failing to find words. Face flushed with heat.

——————————————————————

Soldier:

- He was the first person to approach you in the base. Like ever. When he found out there was a new mercenary he needed to lay the ground rules to them as soon as possible. Instead of giving him a “Yes sir!” like he had hoped, you stared at him blankly. (I’d probably be rethinking this job offer.) Wondering why you hadn’t spoken up to him, he got close to your face and looked up and down you. “I’D LIKE TO HEAR A YES SIR PRIVATE!” Still nothing. You were too busy admiring his muscles. You’ve just met this man but you’d let him throw you off a bridge in an instant.

- When he still doesn’t get a response, he backs up and angrily fixes his helmet “Insubordination I see.. Heh. Okay.” He mutters and prepares to plan a punishment later. You are oddly charmed by his stupid greeting and you head to the nearest chalkboard and explain in writing why you can’t respond back. He lifts his helmet up to read it and then looks back at you. (The other Mercs are kind of stunned that Soldier even knows how to read in the first place.)

- “Ah, I see.. Strange tactical decision but not unheard of.” He responds, then straightens his posture apologetically. You two become close friends from then on. Medic has to explain to him later that you just have “mild” communication issues. For the first few months of your guys’ friendship the dumbass thought you were doing this to gain an upper hand.

- After a match one day you catch him smoking a cigar on a huge pile of bodies in the pouring rain. You step up the horrific mess of blood and guts to meet him. He doesn’t look too happy. Although Soldier never really opens up about anything to anyone. He’s way too deep in his little military fantasy. You sit next to him and put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Whatever the hell he was upset about you knew it wasn’t good. After a bout of silence you whisper “You’re a wonderful strategist, Soldier.”

- You can’t see his expression underneath his helmet but you can certainly hear his heartbeat quicken because of how close you are. His mouth nearly twitches up into a grin. He doesn’t respond to your compliment but he’s relieved to hear one nonetheless after all this time.

————————————————————————-

Demoman:

- You find him making bombs in his quarters when you meet him for the first time. He doesn’t look too friendly but as you decide to walk by he immediately calls out to you. “Ayeee! New blood. Get ova’ here a second. Wee lil monster.” He beckons his hand aggressively.

- You walk over to him and he puts an arm around your shoulder. Patting you reassuringly. “Aye.. So It’s not gonna be easy livin’ here just so you know. We’re all a wee bit mad. Don’t take the others’ too seriously when dey bother ye.” He takes the responsibility upon himself to let you know as an older Merc it’ll be okay. He slaps you friendlily on the back after his conversation and sends you off. He doesn’t really question the fact you aren’t speaking.

- You immediately take a liking to him though. Mainly due to his explosive personality on the battlefield (pun intended.) He gets horribly drunk before doing any Mercenary work and acts goofy the entire time. His charisma pulls you in like a magnet. You want to speak to him but it’s so hard…

- After months of simping for this guy from afar, you slip a note under his doorframe professing your feelings to him. You hear him pick it up. The next thing you know, he barges into your quarters the next day after a match and grabs you by the shoulders. Asking you in complete disbelief if you actually meant everything you said.

- “Yes, I just think you’re really attractive!” you blurt out instinctively. Alarmed by his behavior. He lets you go; having heard your voice for the first time. The shock of the revelation and the sound of your voice, atop of the alcohol seemed to have done it for him. He immediately kissed you on the lips without warning. You’re the first person in years to say this to him.

- “I… Er.. “ He walks away after that. You have no fucking idea what the hell even happened.

——————————————————————-

Engineer:

- You hear the sweet melody of a guitar echoing off the intel room. Despite its clearly southern origins you are drawn to it. As if it was some sort of hypnosis. You’d recognize that melody anywhere. The year was 1967 and you were no stranger to your own childhood. That was clearly “El Paso.” You’ve heard that song on the radio a million times already. But somehow this was different. The soothing voice it came from was singing it as if it were his own lullaby to the multiple sentries around him. The ones of his own creation of course.

- Next thing you know, you’re sitting next to him on the intel desk, sleepy as all shit from the melody and the white noise from the patrolling sentries. You wake up an hour later to embarrassingly finding yourself on this stranger’s lap. You want to profusely apologize to your colleague but nothing comes out.

- He doesn’t even seem phased. For some reason he was stroking your hair as he gazed off into the distance.

- Ever since that day you became close to Engineer. He was completely unbothered by your communication issues and actually kind of appreciates the silent times he has with you. He rarely speaks to you while hanging out either, out of respect for your boundaries. Only the occasional conversation here and there. You are both existing together.

- “I love you, Dell.” You finally say, after a night of drinking in his workshop with him. You are perched up on his lap as always and he’s petting you. At first he misunderstands this as platonic. “Aww..” He cooes. “No, I mean it. I’ve always found you so —“ You bury your face into his chest. Muffling the last part of your sentence “Safe to be around.”

- He’s unbelievably boiling with hormones on the inside. He tips his hardhat forward to hide his flustered face. Holding his own chin. “Dammit..” He mutters in an incredibly positive way. You’ve successfully won this man over.

—————————————————————-

Heavy:

- He’s already met you before the job. Accidentally caught you in a coffee shop in Tuefort being yelled at by an ableist Karen and he took it upon himself to nearly strangle her for you. Heavy doesn’t tolerate behavior like that. You need to insult people with style or nothing at all. Don’t pick on their disabilities. Aim for the most stereotypical high school bully route possible. Come on, you gotta be an asshole skillfully.

- He could tell you were different the moment you joined the team. But that’s fine. He was quite misunderstood too. Heavy wasn’t a dumb himbo. He was a GIANT man with a lust for blood. Although he enjoyed chaos as much as any Merc, Heavy also valued silence. Something that you provided him with your presence. You catch him deliberately body shielding you on the battlefield because he knows this communication issue didn’t come out of nowhere. You’re distressed. This was his subtle attempt to let you know he cared.

- He catches you unable to sleep one night. He opens your door and notes the fact your light was still visible through the cracks. You’re sitting on the bed in an uncomfortable fetal position.

- “Little thing will not sleep?” He asks you. Although he has his typical hardened expression the question suggested he cared. “Hm. Stay here. Heavy will grab bedtime story.”

- He reads you an old Russian classic. Although depending on who you are you might not understand it. Regardless the soft sounds are alluring sleep. It’s clear he’s read people stories many times before because his whispers hit all the right places.

- You mumble to him a thank you. Which makes him pause mid sentence. He doesn’t know how the ever living fuck to process what he’s feeling right now. It’s a mixture of affection and the pang of what is typically the start of romantic attraction. Ew gross he’s feeling soft and fuzzy emotions.

- You pull him under the covers with you eagerly. He grumpily obeys but he doesn’t know why. He nearly destroys your bed with his weight and has to put you on his chest to cuddle. You can hear the sound of the ubercharged baboon heart inside him. Still pumping away and working to keep him going. You slip into slumber easily.

————————————————————————

Pyro:

- Talking is overrated anyway. Nobody really understands Pyro when they speak under the mask. Trying to say something simple like “There’s a spy behind you.” is often met with a confused expression. When Pyro meets you, it’s when he’s allured by your skills on the battlefield. In their point of view you are a glorious unicorn prancing around a field of pollen. (More like debris from the enemy soldiers’ rockets but that’s besides the point.)

- There are rare moments where Pyro is completely lucid and self aware of the fact they’re a mercenary for hire though. They compliment you on your abilities after a match and it takes you a while to understand but you nod.

- They won’t. stop. complimenting. you. You are dragged to his tea parties and childish shenanigans and you find over time it’s surprisingly pleasant to escape from the bloodshed once and a while. Cuddling sessions ensue as time goes on.

- You catch their face without their suit while they’re getting changed. That is vulnerability that Pyro wasn’t ready for yet. They break down sobbing and self depreciating and you feel heartbroken. Who the hell taught them to hate themselves so fucking much? You’re having a bit of empathy overload right now as they squeal and choke up. Finding no other alternative but to speak blissful things about their appearance and personality. Hearing you speak for the first time makes them cry more. (In an incredibly positive way luckily.)

———————————————————————

Sniper:

- Oh shit. Another person whose super quiet for some reason?! Except your situation is different. You’d like to socialize but it’s difficult. Sniper doesn’t want to socialize and he hates basically everybody. But he has that “grumpy older brother who teases you” energy. He’s well aware you’re younger than the other Mercs and therefore a tad easier on you.

- He’s scoping out a crack in the window when he feels your presence behind him. His shoulders stiffen and that’s how you know he senses you. “Blimey. You’d make a terrible Spy.” he mutters. Bringing his gun away from the hole to put it down and face you. His hypersensitivity to noise is no doubt from being stabbed a million times.

- You wonder how he’s able to tell it’s even you in the first place. He’s possibly grown accustomed to how each Mercenary sounds when they approach his nest. You can smell the scent of strong cologne mixed in with bond fire lingering off him. Couple that with the fact that he’s so unbelievably hot? You came to bring him some morning coffee but you end up setting it down to spontaneously hug him.

- “Wh— fuck.” He growls. Both caught off guard and swaying a bit. Trying to adjust to extra weight. He hesitantly hugs you back. Wondering if you were sick or something and needed soothing. He doesn’t understand why anybody would want this from him. It takes him a minute to put his arms around you and pat you.

- “What’s wrong mate?” he says, in your ear. This man might be giving you a voice kink if you don’t already have one. Holy shit. You don’t want to be humiliated by your own voice in front of him and your lips quiver. Incapable of finding the words you’re thinking of. “You’re cute.” you finally say. In a last ditch effort when no other words came to mind. To say you desperately wanted this man was an understatement.

- You hear him take a sharp breath in. He stifles a groan from the amount of energy you just shot into his godamn stomach. Not only was it a pleasure to hear your voice for the first time but it felt intimate. He was very sensitive to things like this. You swore you could hear this man purring in your ear like a cat. He was evidentially as touch starved as you were.

—————————————————————

Medic:

- No speaking?! Oh! this man has to study you like right fucking now. What a curiosity. He’s never met somebody who had issues speaking like this before. He hates to admit —and won’t admit for that matter — that he might be doing this out of emotion as well. Believe it or not Medic can be an incredibly emotion driven person. Not just for the pleasures of harming people but the unwanted sympathy that comes with being human. He hates the idea he might care for you. Why does he even feel that way? It’s not like you’re different from any other Merc..

- Except you are. You’re you. That’s the problem. You’re lovable in every way and no amount of rumination will ever explain why.

- His first instinct upon discovering this about you is to ask you questions about how bad it is. Obviously quickly realizing how stupid that is — he hands you his clipboard and a fresh piece of paper to communicate. “Do you speak if at all?” “Do you experience this in the presence of certain stressors?” “Did you have traumatic experiences that led to this?” “Is this perhaps a case of selective mutism?”

- You scramble to write down incredibly passive aggressive and sarcastic answers but they are answers nonetheless. He seems pleased with the results. Under normal circumstances you’d hate being treated like a guinea pig but his excited smile was charming. The fact that somebody wanted to understand your situation so badly was a bit riveting. He was hungry for information about the human existence. “Danke!”

- You catch something you’d never suspect in a mad scientist such as himself. While he’s drawing mathematical equations on his chalkboard one night he periodically looks over his shoulder to frown at you while he thinks you’re not paying attention.

- He’s doing a terrible job at hiding his human nature. There was a bout of emotion in his eyes about your health. As much as the doctor tried to remove this from his work, it kept rearing its ugly head in certain situations. “I love you, Doctor.” You tell him.

- SNAP. His fingers break the chalk in half. Just like his crumbling facade. You could see his eye twitch as he accesses ten thousand possible answers he could give you in his mind. “Aheh, could you give me a moment, bitte?” He tells you. Waltzing into the other room. You could hear muffled screaming coming from his bedroom. He regrets taking this job and wished he died in police custody.

———————————————————————-

Spy:

- YES! FINALLY SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T MAKE HIM WANT TO PULL HIS HAIR OUT AND BACKFLIP OFF A CLIFF

- Spy elegantly invites you to his quarters one night after weeks of avoiding you the first time you come here. He pours you some wine and hands you a glass. (adjusting your hand in the process because you’re holding the glass wrong.)

- “Do you know why I brought you here?” He asks. Pacing around the room and lighting himself a cigarette from his disguise kit. In all honesty you have no idea why but the sight of such a handsome older man doing this for you was distracting. “It is your performance as of late. You are throughly calculated I must say.” You couldn’t agree with this, but you wondered if he had some sort of thing for competent people. (Your assumptions are correct.)

- …. “Not to mention quieter than me when I scope out prey.” He mentions. Waving the cigarette between two fingers. He was a Spy and you had no doubt he was trying to read you like a book but having difficulties. He was especially accustomed to having small talk with the other Mercs to better fake their counterparts when disguised as them. You couldn’t help but feel a little flattered over the fact that not even a Spy could properly look through you.

- He looked at you rather frustratingly once he realizes you’re still not speaking. “Not even the slightest bit of speaking. Do you realize how much harder you make my job?” He complains sarcastically. You can’t help but crack a humored grin at this. He isn’t being ableist in this situation, rather he’s angry he can’t psychoanalyze somebody. You knew it was within’ a Spy’s nature to instinctively do this.

- He responded positively to your grin. Moving away and dragging his cigarette. Trying to hide a bit of his own amusement. “Yes, yes. You find my suffering to be equivalent to the entire circus.” He says. “But in in all honesty your silence is preferred.” Spy moves in and lifts your chin up with his pointer finger.

- “Tu es agréable à côtoyer..” He hisses. His voice sounding like a hungry cat as he draws closer to you. Spy has a very distinct look in his eye. One that basically screams thoughtful and mysterious. You nearly passed out at the unintentionally romantic gesture.

- “Please throw me off a fucking building.” You say.

- “What?”

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #demoman x reader #heavy x reader #medic x reader #spy x reader #tf2 x reader #tf2 x you #pyro x reader #sniper x reader #I FORGOT TO DO MISS PAULING IM SORRY

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olasketches · 2 months ago

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So the fight is really over...my glorious four armed giant spider is gone. Yuji really was foreshadowing about the slime thingy heh. I'm so happy to see the trio back and together again like you tell me this a year ago this is what was going to happen and I'd just give you a maniacal laugh. But I still don't know how to feel about Sukuna's end like we all knew he was going to die and in perspective it does feels satisfying. Sukuna being ripped apart from Megumi and his little convo with Megumi...yeah dude really is walking contradiction. Always saying he's living to die but actually doesn't want to die. Indirectly answering Kashimo's question. But his end just seems...eh? Like at first Kenjaku's end seemed like that to me too but it made sense later on. Kenjaku came in silence and went like that but Sukuna he was never like Kenjaku or Mahito so his ending being parallel to Mahito didn't really sit right with me and i actually wanted him to get anything but a glorious death but this feels...stale somehow? Idk he's still the same untrue to himself. Wish we could get more of his thought process. Or maybe this was it to show Sukuna's denial became his defeat. I just hoped for more emotionally charged defeat of his..but it's GeGe story I'm happy they're telling it like they want to.

Also Uraume and Hakari was funny too they fought all this time bonded, praised and just dipped. Makes me think if they had a binding vow with Sukuna too? Sorry for all the yap and incoherence. I'm just feeling underwhelmed? Overwhelmed? what are your thoughts regarding this chapter and Suku's end?

"my glorious four armed giant spider is gone" took me out sksksksk he's really just a bug when you think about it lol.

anyway thank you for sending me your ask. I really liked reading your thoughts and how you called suku out for being contradictory and a hypocrite till the very end AS YOU SHOULD THANK YOU!! honestly, this fact alone makes the whole chapter all the more special to me but on this in a sec cause I'm guessing the reaction to his demise is quite... well I guess ppl are not really happy with it..??? I mean some of them probably are and by "some" I mean *cough, cough* the haters *cough, cough* but well... I wouldn't know cause ONE I'm actually (and maybe surprisingly) super pleased and satisfied with this chapter and TWO, I didn't go and check others reaction to it lol I'm planning to keep it that way for now. I'm really not a big fan of twt fandoms spaces in fact I can't stand them... too much negativity and toxicity *shudders*.

so my thoughts... to put it simply, I loved it more than loved it actually. and yeah yeah sure he turned into a slimy lil bug which probably put many people off but hey let's not forget sukuna was basically like a parasite possessing megumi's body, so it makes sense that once peeled off only curse-like residues would remain... but I can understand why some stans didn't like that part. I personally found funny but that's just me lol.

and yeah the final seemed quite underwhelming, but I think that's what makes it so good. I didn't want sukuna's death to be the most interesting thing about his character and well it's not. rather than having a big an "after life" moment like jogo, gojo or kashimo, he spent his last moments with the only person who cared about the human sukuna so stubbornly tried to burry inside him.

I actually found his conclusion to be quite beautiful and moving, cause instead of being looked down upon by yuuji as many stans thought would be the case, he was offered something else entirely. something no one ever gave him - kindness and love. yes, I'm using the "L" word here cause in the end that's what it was... yuuji showed sukuna the true value of love. he accepted him and ask him to live with him despite everything sukuna has put him through. despite all the chaos chaos and distraction he caused him, yuuji still accepted him. he not only showed sukuna genuine empathy and compassion but also recognised that sukuna is really... just like him. when yuuji looked into (blop) sukuna's eyes (my beloved) he could only see himself. he realised that under different circumstances, he could've turned out like sukuna if he didn't have his grandpa by his side. he realised that if he could have turned out like sukuna then sukuna could've turned out like him too, that if only sukuna had someone who loved him and guided him and accepted him, he most likely wouldn't have turned into a curse, which is another thing I loved and cry about in this chapter.

sukuna only saw himself as a curse :")). he acknowledged yuuji and finally called him by his full name but in the end he still only think of himself as a "curse" not as human, not even as a god or king of curses but only a curse :")).

the reason why I loved just how "underwhelming" his death felt like is because instead of framing and defining his entire character by his his final moments, gege made the rest of his moments in the manga stand out EVEN MORE. instead of having a moment of reflection and introspection in this chapter as well as in chapter 265 or 266... and oh well entire shinjiku showdown basically, his character started to trip and reveal just how contradictory he is. sukuna claimed he was satisfied with his life and doesn't care about dying, he also claimed he doesn't care about ideals and even despised them, he also claimed he doesn't feel anything and he doesn't need others to satisfy him and then you have all those small moments when you realise "wait, that is not right" and you look back and rethink everything. sukuna does feel and he NEEDS others to satisfy him, cause that's what his entire "philosophy" hinges on.

"Every human has a unique and fleeting taste... which makes devouring them a perfect way to pass time until death"

he DID get excited when maki became the first person to ever give him a role

This is a first. You're the only one who ever forced a role upon me. (while grinning like a maniac)

and then megumi lied his bs out in the open and revealed that sukuna was afraid of death too, despite believing otherwise

Even something like you fears death...

this only goes to show that sukuna convinced himself (and many other readers) that he is not human, that he is above that, that he doesn't care about the things they do... but if even "something like him" feared death, got excited to be given a role, praised and encouraged others for their talents and skills and connected to them in one way another only to "pass time" or knew about flowers and caught a crayfish then that means... he must be human too.

and even if sukuna and the rest of the world couldn't and didn't want to accept that, there was one person who did. someone sukuna hurt the most, someone who saw him at his worst and at his weakest. someone who in the end still decided to show him love, because he belived sukuna is still worthy of love, despite everyone and maybe even sukuna himself, believing that he no longer is worthy of such thing.

"Even if no one else will accept you... I'll live with you" "Itadori Yuuji... don't underestimate me. I'm... a "curse"!

#god what a phenomenal chapter... absolutely loved it #also APOLOGIES FOR LATE REPLY ANON!!!#asks #jjk 268 #ryomen sukuna #itadori yuuji

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prototypesteve · 4 months ago

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hi! I just came across your acc and read some of your posts and you seem a really inspiring individual. im a 18yo demisexual person who's really close to their queerness (both in the sexuality and gender aspects) as its a fundamental part of my individuality. and i dunno, both my being acespec and genderqueer are a tricky... thing to get into when i want to get into relationships. im trying to be happy by myself. and this was very random and all, but as you're an adult aroace (i see very very few of them) its inspiring to me knowing I can still have a good, normal life? while living in full authenticity. idk. sorry if this is random. you dont have to reply. your account was nice to come across. have a wonderful day

Thank you for this. This is why I’m here. Honestly this is most of why I came out. Seriously.

Being Different and “New”.

The world is catching up with you, so you’ll have to be patient sometimes. Language often outpaces feelings. People know how to address genderqueer (they know all the words) but they’re still learning how to process genderqueer (they’re deconstructing all the old gender “archetypes” and stereotypes they were taught by parents and teachers who didn’t address or process genderqueer in their day). They will figure it out, because they can see it’s real. But it’s frustrating, in the meantime.

Even our own community of LGBTQIA+ (in Canada we use 2SLGBTQIA+, leading with 2S for two-spirit) is catching up with us in a lot of ways. The queer community has largely thought of queer as for/about genderqueer, and so when they see aros and aces and demisexuals and demiromantics, they have to either accept or reject that there’s a whole other layer of queer called relationship queer who intersect and overlap with genderqueer inside the bigger (and for some “newly bigger”) queer category/world/thing.

Being alone.

Alone is a complicated word for us. Aspec people experience a few kinds of alone-ness. There’s completion, which allos sometimes don’t get. We’re complete inasmuch as aspec people don’t have as many spaces in their lives where they need an “other half,” even though many of us spend a lot of our lives being told we have that space and we need to fill it. I wrote about that, here.

Then there’s the way we can can feel isolated from the bigger queer world because of the ways some people refuse to accept asexuality and aromanticism as queer, because they see it as a cishet thing, somehow.

We can feel isolated from traditional communities built around faith, politics, ethnicity, national identity, or even generational identity (GenX was wiiiiildly amatonormative), all because our defining differences are falsely interpreted as “new”. People misread our orientation as a phase, or a “made up internet thing” even though we’ve always been here. For ages, the world didn’t want to talk about all the asexual, aromantic, demisexual, and demiromantic people they could see everywhere—unlabelled, but plain as day—and now that we want to talk about ourselves, they’re going to say “you’re making that up”.

Then there’s the alone-ness of trying to explain how we do love, but differently. That one’s hard. I think that’s the one I’m going through the most, this year.

“See Also”:

Anyway, here’s a poorly-sorted and always growing “library” of links to my most popular social media posts, and stuff I’ve learned as an older ace. The recurring theme is that it really is going to be okay.

I’m still me, but now I know why. (How I explain my “thing” to straight friends who knew me from before I came out.)

Phase (You don’t outgrow it. I’m proof.)

Complete (Our complex relationship with “Alone”)

1994 (The counsellor story)

When I realized (Slow origin story)

Lifeline (Something bad happened to me when I was young, and believe it or not, Spider-Man rescued me.)

Recipe for Disaster (When life happens BEFORE you figure out your orientations)

Sexual Induction rather than a sexual awakening. (Things won’t always follow the romance novel playbook.)

Complicated. (Being queer AND Christian.)

Din Djarin Aroace Rep (We love. We just mostly do all the other kinds of love)

Treasure (a note to my trans friends)

Happy Ace Week (yes we’re here)

Masked (About not being out to everyone)

Negotiating (About gaining “acceptance” from the bigger queer community.

#asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec #asexuality #aromantic asexual #aromanticism #lgbtqia #coming out #2slgbtqia+

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gladiatorcunt · 8 months ago

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i'd really like to know if he'd have any types of kinks or a type?!!

like from what I've read from you, maybe it's just my impression, but does he find chubby people more attractive? (self-insert hihi)

or just kinks he'd have; like, modern!coryo screams corruption kink (maybe even a virgin!reader 👀), and things like degradation/praise, as well as a pretty big dom situation 👀

anyways, love your stuff!

I can't help coming back to your modern! coryo au literally everyday, I'm in love 🫡🫠

CW: implied-ish plus sized reader but i use “chubbier” so it’s a bit ambiguous i guess but that’s how i picture them, don’t like don’t read

First of all, thank you so much for loving the au, it's kind of getting demotivating a bit to see the fandom slow down but I'll ALWAYS have modern! coryo brain rot. So, I guess someday I'll be shouting into the void lmao.

I do think that when it comes to preferences, he does prefer chubbier people. He's one of those guys that likes being able to just really grab and slap anything and everything because you've got more than enough meat on your bones. Also, idk how to quite explain it, but I think he enjoys what he believes is a more realistic (?) body, like he'd deadass get so offended if you thought you had to shave or cover up stretch marks. He comes from a very superficial world where the beauty standards are impossible to achieve (edit: i’m NOT talking about being skinny being impossible, i’m talking about general beauty standards and having an unrealistically proportioned body like the ones in media, i’m aware that skinny people exist) . It's like how for a while, Aphrodite and other similar goddesses were depicted in media as very skinny but when you look back at how they were actually worshiped, there are statues and carvings and etc. with belly rolls and all kinds of versions of bigger bodies. That's what reader's body reminds him of, gets him feel closer to God and all that.

I'll get to some actual kinks in a second, but I do think he likes more of a reluctant person. He's someone that is built for the chase and that really revels in the wooing process, he'd never been in love before you, so the rush of intense feelings kicks his adrenaline into overdrive. It's a sort of predator/prey thing without being a full-blown kink, Coryo stalks and he circles around you until you're given such a small window of escape that you already missed your chance by the time he decides that he's done waiting around. You have the whole cutesy 'will they? won't they?' thing going for a bit until you just don't anymore.

In my head, modern!coryo's reader is a virgin for that exact purpose lol like he does have a fuck boy past that's typical for his place in society, so I just love the idea of sex suddenly becoming so "special" to him now that he's possessed with the need to mold your experience around him so you could never be satisfied by anyone else. I think he'd want to keep some of that shyness and insecurity no matter how much experience he gives you, so he can reassure you and praise you and tell you to suck on his fingers so the stretch of his cock won't be all you can think about.

He does favor praise over degradation but when he does degrade it's more... positive (???) in his eyes, calling you dumb because he wants you know you don't have to be smart, saying you're his slutty whore because he wants you to feel comfortable enough being as nasty as possible with him, etc. No matter what name he calls you, he's adding 'my' in front of it. The words will be the same, but his tone will change based on if you're driving him crazy (basically if he gets jealous for no reason again)

I also think that's he way more of a Dom type, he'll never go into extreme type stuff and he's more of a gentle Dom depending on the situation that led up to you fucking or making love. My modern!coryo is never going to let you have more control than letting you ride him (and you always end up getting tired, so he has to take over, which he is more than happy to do!). His control issues are severe like they are in canon, he's exhausted trying to hold himself back from just losing it on everybody. So, having a stress toy of an s/o that he can micromanage and love without limits does wonders for his mental health.

He's obviously obsessed with spanking/LIGHT impact play. The only bruises you'll get will be from him squeezing you too hard or littering your body with hickies, he'd bite you to pieces too but he likes to think that he has some sense of decorum.

He could get behind silk bondage, whether it's patterns on your body or spreading you out on the bed with your ankles and wrists tied to the bed frame. But he wouldn't do it because he wants to keep you from touching, he just wants to love you properly without you hurting yourself because you got shy and squirmed all over the place.

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maybeimamuppet · 7 months ago

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Do you have any autistic/ADHD headcanons for Cady? (Love your fics by the way :333)

OH BOY DO I

(thank you dear!)

usual disclaimer these are based on her musical self and are mostly from a list i made like three years ago anyway yeeha

-literally my first bullet point in her characterization list is just “autistic”

-she’s the kind of person who’s like “at 1:47 pm on Tuesday, May 7, 2022 you said this in these exact words” and also like “i have not eaten or peed in seven hours” at the same time (idk if may 7 2022 was a tuesday i just made smth up lol)

-she has the kälteen bars on her at all times bc she forgets meals so often but she also constantly reminds her friends to take their meds and stuff when they forget

-she’s not actually a savant in math, she just likes rules

-for much the same reason she’s also a polyglot

-she studies languages from books and the people she grew up exposed to and is at least bordering on fluent in seven languages

-she was mute until she was six

-because of this she knows asl

-she uses it whenever she has nonverbal times and teachers her friends basics and like how to fingerspell and stuff so they can use it too

-she can speak backwards because she got bored learning how to read and taught herself to do it both ways. she can flip any word or phrase around in her head

-she’s really good at impressions bc she copycats to learn most of how to socialize and stuff so she’s very quick to pick up intonations and vocal tone and stuff like that

-she’s very sensitive to noise and to touch

-she prefers broadway music (which damian loves) bc they use enough diction to override her auditory processing issues

-she doesn’t like to be touched softly because it’s too tickly and she also just hates being tickled

-but she loves to be snuggled by her loved ones and one of her love languages is touch

-she loves soft clothes (like janis and damian’s jackets) and will steal them if she gets the slightest opportunity

-she loves to stim with her hair which is why it’s so long. and also other people’s and especially janis’ because it’s different colors and very soft

-she also loves when other people play with her hair

-she hyperfixates HARD on the lion king, especially the musical, when janis and damian show it to her and blows all her money on merch and stuff lol

-she’s shockingly organized but her handwriting is terrible

-her friends get her chewy necklaces and stim toys for like every birthday and holiday so she has them all on a rotation to be fair

-she is blunt as all hell and honest to a fault

-she loves when janis paints and draws on her for that good good sensory input

-she goes barefoot whenever she can for also sensory input but she always wears socks inside

-she hates when people whisper and also when people fake crying

-she stims a lot by singing and humming and most of the time she doesn’t notice but (insert preferred partner here) doesn’t mention it bc they love it

-she adores disney movies and cartoons

-she hates crowds of people

-she had daily meltdowns as a plastic bc the texture of the clothes was so overwhelming for her sensorily

-she drops shit all the goddamn time and is incredibly clumsy

-she hates eye contact

-she does not understand fashion rules at all but gretchen gives her a crash course and that helps

-she hates surprises for the most part and is v into her routine

-she will tell her africa stories to someone on the sidewalk if they’ll listen to her

-she loves being off the ground. carried around, table time, riding in shopping carts. favorites.

-she has really weird medical knowledge

-she actually prefers to write or sign than speak out loud but she speaks anyway bc it’s faster and everyone can understand that

-she doesn’t easily pick up on sarcasm or figures of speech unless it’s v obvious/intuitive but janis teaches her so she’s got it down within a year of their friendship

-she constantly forgets what things are named and invents new ones. and also is constantly stumbling over her words and inventing new curse words

-she hates english class the most bc there’s so many exceptions to all the rules

-idk if this is an adhd or autism thing lol but she talks in her sleep

-she also can and will sleep anywhere but sometimes she pretends she can’t so she gets cuddles

#thank you for the ask!!#ik most of these are v stereotypical but eh #i based a lot on me and the rest just felt right #i don’t think they’re all applicable to each version of her either etc etc #she’s v nuanced in a way a list doesn’t lend itself to lol #anyway #thank you!!#cady heron #headcanon #ezzy gets an ask

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bright-and-burning · 3 months ago

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okok vague writing prompts?? idk if you want one word or tropes but here is a list: nervous; college au; office worker au; insecure; flushed; siren au; zombie apocalypse; flutter; hoarse; clenched teeth!!!! hope something interests you!?!??! im sorry if i fail!!!!

omg so many thank you anon!! i went with office worker au, but i will be saving the other ones for the future :) if you see any typos it’s bc i wrote + posted this in one go and also no you didn’t <3

“And that’s why our new procurement process is, uh, brat,” Zak says, slightly choppy over Zoom. They really need to sort out the wifi in this wing.

Lando snorts, loud in the empty set of cubicles around him. He gets a lot done during these calls; nobody else works in person on all-staff meeting days.

“Jesus Christ,” someone mutters.

Nobody but Lando and this guy, apparently.

Lando double checks that his camera and microphone are off before popping his head over the grey cubicle wall. He doesn’t need to pay attention until Andrea starts talking anyways, and Zak’s only just hit eight minutes of monologuing. He’s got at least three more minutes before he needs to check back in.

“Hello,” Lando mouths, before realizing there’s no way this guy just broadcast his muttering to the full all-staff meeting. He repeats himself out loud.

“Hi?”

New guy’s face has gone all scrunchy.

Cute.

“I’m Lando. You’re new?”

He certainly wasn’t in the building for last month’s all-staff. Lando would know. He’d taken advantage of the empty office and switched his shitty desk chair for new guy’s cubicle’s nice one after the last guy left. Whoops.

“Oscar, kind of.” New guy, Oscar, is still trying to pay attention to Zak. Can’t have been around that long, then.

“Nice to meet you, kind-of-Oscar.”

Oscar pulls another face. Lots of faces on this guy.

“I meant-“

Lando cuts him off.

“I’m fucking with you. How are you ‘kind of’ new? There’s no way I missed you.”

Oscar’s eyebrow raises, even as his cheeks go a little pink. Lando shrugs, lucky that embarrassment doesn’t show as easily on his face as it clearly does on Oscar’s. He didn’t mean it like that. He also didn’t exactly not mean it like that, now that he’s said it, but that’s not the point.

Oscar pushes through Lando’s blunder like it never happened.

“I started last month? Andrea let me work remotely until I found a place. Didn’t sort things out till last week, so only been here,” he gestures at his undecorated cubicle, motion somehow infused with dryness, “since Thursday.”

Lando nods. Makes sense: he was out last week and neck-deep in deadlines on Monday. Oscar could’ve been a talking giraffe and Lando wouldn’t have noticed before today.

“You in analytics then, or?” Lando lets the sentence hang. He’s not all that sure what other departments they even have. Probably what paying attention to the all-staff is for. He’ll just ask George at drinks next week. Half to wind him up and half because he needs a list to work off of if he ever wants to figure out what Bottas does.

“Database management, actually. Think they ran out of desks in their wing, had to shove me in with you guys.”

“Well,” Lando says, dramatically sweeping his hand around, “welcome aboard.”

They smile at each other for a second too long.

Oscar opens his mouth. Lando glances down , and then down further to his watch.

“Oh shit, Andrea’s gotta be starting soon.”

Lando dips down fully onto his side of the wall, a little frantic. He pokes his head back up a moment later.

“See you around, kind-of-Oscar.”

Oscar laughs as he disappears behind the half-wall separating them again.

“See you around, Lando,” he says, smile audible in the quiet office.

Lando puts his headphones back on.

“—ank you to accounting. That’s everything in finance; anything new in data, Andrea?”

Perfect timing.

#this was fuuuuun #squinting at this like does this sound right? oh well it is a mini prompt fill it’s FINE #also the zak line at the beginning is in fact based on an actual thing i experienced at work last week #mine #ask #mine.snip #8104 #ln #op #mine.ficlet

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likeadevils · 10 months ago

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I trust your opinion. If you were making bets about what TS11's themes, concepts and sound would be like.. What would you like& prefer? and what would you think Taylor would do?

thank you for trusting my opinion but i am god awful at predicting what taylor is going to do next. that being said:

i think something taylor learned with all too well, anti-hero, and cruel summer is to… trust her instincts, i guess? not that she hasn’t in the past, but she’s mentioned that those songs were her favorites of their respective albums, and she didn’t expect that the general public would enjoy them as much— at least, not to the degree that they have been. but they’ve all been #1s, and more impressively to me, they’ve all broken through into wider pop culture in a way that’s super hard to do nowadays. like can you tell me what’s #1 right now because i can’t. but anyways i think she’ll be following what she wants to hear a little bit more, and trusting that her and the general public’s taste is pretty aligned at the moment. so like, to boil it down into a bingo card prediction, the lead single is going to be taylor’s favorite song on the album

also, bingo square, the color will be white. no evidence just vibes

i think another thing taylor recently learned is trusting that not only her fanbase, but the wider pop landscape would accept complex ideas delivered with a complex vocabulary. in some ways i think she was really burned by me!— she had been taught that it’s the we are never ever getting back together and shake it offs that you send to pop radio, not the all too wells. and then me! got torn apart (deservedly or not), and then the world shut down and it’s not like she needs to find a tour off her next album so what the hell, let’s take out the immediate hooks and replace it with flowery language. and it was a massive hit! twice! but it’s not the kind of music she wants to make forever. so midnights was an added gamble— can you marry the hooks with the collegiate vocabulary? and you can! anti-hero was her biggest chart success ever! so i expect more dictionary/thesaurus starter pack memes in our future, no matter what genre it’ll end up in

that being said, i think she’ll be staying in pop. i maaaaybe could see a kind of pop rock thing happening— think like, the electric guitar she adds to don’t blame me when it’s preformed live.

regardless i do think she’ll be pulling in more rep influences— i’m not super in the buisness of trying to track down when exactly she’s been re-recording, so this is coming from swiftie brain rot not timeline brain rot, but if i had to guess i would say she was mostly recording rep over the summer and with the occasional ts11 track thrown in as well. but i could be wrong maybe she has three albums recorded. idk. i am very interested in what the rep sounds like though, i think that’ll be the biggest clue to what ts11 will sound like

i’m curious how auto-biographical it’ll be. honestly, i could see taylor creating a single character to inhabit and tracking their story throughout an album, which would parallel the emotions she’s going through, but not the exact situations. but that’s me projecting what i would need to do to process the fucking year she’s been through, and taylor has consistently been saying how much she gets from having people sing back the words thought she must be alone in thinking, so like maybe it’ll be intensely About Her, who knows

as for release, i’m a big post eras tour believer. like i know it’s been said a million times but god how impossible would it be to add another set to that thing. like we might get the announcement and lead single while still on tour, but not a full album

i’m also expecting a more talk-y rollout. i would bet we’re getting a couple of print interviews— not anywhere near 1989 or lover levels, but like, you know. rolling stone, vogue, maybe another time, that kind of thing. and in front of camera stuff too— zane lowe, a bbc live longe, some late night appearances, maybe going on kelly clarkson’s show. and maaaaybe a hot wings episode. maybe. i think taylor got a bit burned by the long roll out for lover, and regardless she had other priorities when it came to the midnights release, but it’s been a while and she does like to surprise people by doing something completely predictable. but also this is totally me being like pleaseeeee give interviews they help me with timeline research so much

i predict this every time but visual album!!! if i keep saying it one day it’ll be true!!! it just makes sense she’s been getting so into directing!!!

while we’re in the realm of things that would make me specifically go insane i just think it would be funny if she got paul mccartney to feature on a song. just to be petty. imagine your ex is releasing an album and she gets one of your favorite musicians to play on it. and after the sweet nothing debacle too. oh. so ouchie. also she would have paul fucking mccartney on an album that’s insane in its own right

while we’re throwing spaghetti at the wall. two word title. let’s get crazy maybe 3+ words why not (this is by far the least serious prediction if the title is more than one word i’ll lose my mind)

maybe some religious imagery for the visuals? i’m trying to think of aesthetics taylor hasn’t thoroughly explored. what’s coming to mind is stained glass windows and like, the wild west. this is not at all influenced by me being raised catholic in the american southwest what are you talking about

so to sum up i think i want a pop rock opera with a title along the lines of “the blank of firstname lastname” about a woman in the wild west that has climatic scenes in a cathedral?? i guess that’s the shape i want?? i was not aware that’s what i wanted when i started writing this post okay

#asks*#i’ve thought about this for like hours sorry to keep you so long

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chaotic-on-main · 1 year ago

Text

Chapter 8: June - Part 4 [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence, light assault, uhhh- sex? idk how to tag this kind of stuff. SPEAKING OF...

☾ Author's note ➼ Hehe, hi! I bet y'all never thought you'd see this tag OR BANNER on here ever. Tbh, I thought I would never see this tag or banner on any of my writings. But uhhhh- here we are! If it isn't obvious, this is my first time EVER writing smut. I've never even written self-indulgent smut before because it is REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DO. That's mainly why this chapter took so long (I'M SORRY); I wanted to make sure it was perfect. If you're a minor and read the smut I will find you and cut you! Hehe. Anyways. Again, I am so sorry this chapter took so long!! I've hit quite a rut in my life and I'm just really glad to have gotten it done in the first place. Let me know what y'all think!! ALSO CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE PART LEFT HOLD ME I'M CRYING

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

The visual of Levi’s bewilderment haunts you just as much as the feeling of his lips on yours does. You’re not sure why you thought kissing your friend would be a good idea at all. Regret gnaws at you as you find yourself in a vicious cycle of rumination.

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

Maybe it wasn’t regret at all, actually. What you really felt in your core was disappointment. At yourself for not thinking before acting and at him for not responding the way you inwardly hoped he would. If Levi’s cold shoulder this morning wasn’t proof enough, you don’t know what was.

“Love?” Hange’s voice cuts through the white noise reverberating through your skull. Slowly, you turn to where your sister currently sits with light green paste smeared all over their face. You blink the glassiness away and raise an eyebrow at them – which is a little hard to do as you have the same paste smudged on your face that is in the process of drying.

“Were you listening at all?” Concerned eyes bore into yours. You’d say you were thankful for the green tea facial that covers the dark circles under your lashes, but you knew Hange had noticed the moment they laid eyes on you today. They click their tongue and sit upright in your direction.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

You stick your bottom lip out. In truth, you really did want to talk about it, but you weren’t sure what you wanted to say. Hange wasn’t the type to let things go when it came to you though, especially when you’re distressed. You’d need to say something now whether you liked it or not.

‘I like Levi.’ You sign quickly, averting your gaze from the piercing light-brown eyed stare burning holes in your face. You sigh softly and tuck your chin in the white fluffy robe that wraps around your body, ignoring the fact that you’re wiping the face mask off into the fabric as you do. It takes them a moment to realize you’re not planning on saying anything else.

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“If only you had a mirror. You should see the way you look at Levi. It’s so obvious, even Nanaba picked up on it.” They smirk as they twist in your direction, resting their chin on a hand that sits propped up on the armrest. A wide smile carved up and into their eyes.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

You hear Hange sigh softly but doesn’t press for the next half hour. Your body sinks deeper into the plush massage chair as your head sits back on the head rest. Off to the side, you hear the soft babbling of the fountain piece that pairs wells with the gentle spa music that floats from the ceiling speakers down to your ears. Your brain wanders and you feel the heaviness that comes with sleep about to settle in.

“Excuse me?” A sudden voice startles you. You pop an eye open to see a spa employee in mint robes standing in front of the chairs you and Hange were relaxing in. “It’s time to move on to the hot pools, are you both ready?”

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

The steamy mineral water stings your skin upon first contact. It wasn't uncomfortably hot, but it was close. It takes you a few seconds to get used to it and before you know it, you’re sinking low until your nose is submerged. Only your eyes and up show, like a crocodile floating as it hunts. You had put your hair up so that it wouldn’t get wet, but a few loose strands decide they want to get wet anyways as they float around your face.

Your sister, on the other hand, does not take the gentle approach. Before you know it, they’re running down the ramp ass naked. They throw themselves into the water when they get deep enough, throwing water straight in your face. Luckily, the pools are slotted out by appointments so it’s just the two of you in the small, enclosed room. They disappear for a second, submerged in the water leaving only ripples behind that float across the top.

“Are you going to tell me what happened now?” Hange’s low voice comes from right next to you, causing your heart to skip a beat. Despite the unnerving crawl of your skin, you side eye them and shake your head.

Their words bounce around in your skull. If even Nanaba picked it up, that would mean Levi knew too, right? Is that why he brushed you off this morning? This wouldn’t be the first time that he’s held things back from you, but you hoped that had changed in the last handful of months. A fleeting thought of going to him first zooms through your mind and disappears just as quickly.

“Did he kiss you?” Hange’s voice is so close that you feel the heat of their breath blowing right against your ear. You push back from instinct, swatting the water and subsequently splashing them in the face.

“Oh my, he definitely did. Look at your face!” Hange muses as they tread up closer to your face and there’s half a foot between noses. You shove at the tops of their shoulders and blow them a raspberry. They were ever persistent.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

Without another word, you turn your back on their open-mouthed stare and head for the sitting ledge in the back corner. Steam rises off your warm skin as you do, merging easily with the rest of the hot air. Hange follows, mumbling under their breath as they process the news. When you twist to sit down, you’re face to face with Hange as they squat into the water across from you.

“I’m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

You don’t answer that, instead you slide into the water until you’re halfway submerged again. The hot water tingles against your raw face, making you wince until the uncomfortable feeling subsides. A few bubbles burst on the surface from your released huff.

“You didn’t give him a chance to, did you?” They raise an eyebrow at you. The amusement that tugged at their features melted away to reveal concern. You raise your hands out of the water, water droplets falling back in with little splashes.

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

You roll your eyes at that. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. But that doesn’t change the shocked expression that he stared at you with before you ran off for the night. You feel the pressure of his lips on your mouth again and it makes your heart skip a beat. How confusing this all was.

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

“Just give it some time, you’ll figure it out. But probably not too much time because this was a friend group before you both decided to catch feelings and I will not have this group break apart because you both want to be teenagers about it all.” They shrug their shoulders at that.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

“Not allowed. I’ll lock you two in a room if I have to. Oh wait, maybe I should do that? Then you’ll either talk, fight, or kiss again.” They ramble on, tapping a forefinger on their chin as they think. Their eyes shoot over to yours, wide and full of excitement.

“If you both start dating, it’s for the long run by the way. Marriage or nothing. I can’t risk the friend group falling apart.” They joke. Part of you thinks there’s a bit of truth in their words but you let it slide. The prospect of marriage though? Was it your face heating up at the thought or the hot water?

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

“I’m only half joking. You and him will figure something out eventually. Who knows, maybe it’s all a misunderstanding! You’re shy and he’s… well. Him. Maybe you just need to make the first move.” They offer you a small smile, their eyes softening again.

That fleeting thought from earlier comes back. Again, Hange’s words held some truth as they always do. You already made the first move and that didn’t work out the way you planned. But If Levi didn’t know to come to you, maybe you would have to open that door for him, granted he doesn’t slam it in your face. You decide you’ll do what you can to pull him aside tonight.

Much to your dismay, the appointment ends too quickly. Fortunately, Hange kept up with their promise of taking you shopping since there were a few hours until it was time to meet up with the boys who were no doubt still out golfing. You laugh at the idea of Levi standing on the greens with a signature bored expression, but then you remember you were supposed to be anxious. You don’t know what you’re going to say to him.

After a while, you forget your worries for a time. Hange finds a really nice pantsuit that frames their tall body well. You found a simple sundress that frills out on your waist in a color that your sister exclaimed matched your eyes so well. And it was nice being able to chat, that feeling of dread that coursed through your veins like ice forgotten.

That is until you’re standing in front of Levi with your hands twisting in each other – a nervous habit you picked up just recently. The fabric of your dress feels like it’s digging into your skin as you stand awkwardly, your heart feeling as if it might explode. He doesn’t even look your way, eyes glued to his phone as he mindlessly scrolls. The idea of getting him to talk to you falters.

He's wearing a slate gray dress shirt in a complementary shade for his eyes. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows neatly. The rest of his outfit is clean yet casual and perfect for the place Erwin had reserved. Some of his hair falls in his face as he continues to look down, ignoring the fact that Erwin was calling everyone to attention.

“Are we ready to go? The taxi is here.” Erwin gives you and Hange a once over when he looks up from his phone. “Wow, you both look like you had a good day - practically glowing.” He gives you a beaming smile and you force one back in return, feeling the quivering of your muscles as your lips pull back.

Levi glances up finally and his dark eyes scan the room. When they land on you, they linger for a second longer before he looks away as he pulls himself up from the barstool. You did not miss the subtle surprise that flashed across his face as well as his eyes flickering down to the sakura necklace you put back on for this evening. You had taken it off the last few days to keep it safe, something you were not used to doing before. You almost sighed in relief when you felt the familiar and subtle weight around your neck again.

The car ride to the restaurant was fortunately short but to you, it was agonizing the whole time. Erwin opted for the front seat to help direct the driver so that left you, Hange, and Levi in the back. Your sister forced you in the middle and they claimed it was for safety reasons but you knew better.

Your almost bare thigh sits against Levi’s after you all piled in, snug as can be. You pull your arms together so that you’re not squishing into Levi any more than you have to. He’s facing the window, arm propped up and leaning against it as he looks out. You spend the whole ride rehearsing what you wanted to say to him.

When the taxi parks in front of the restaurant, you take a deep breath. It was now or never, you tell yourself. You force yourself out of Levi’s side after he slides out, having to push the door as he almost shuts it in your face.

You’re able to reach far enough to grab his wrist to make him stop and he spins on you quickly, eyes flaring with annoyance – barely softening when he notices it’s you. It takes all of your strength to keep your fingers latched on to him despite the look on his face. After a moment, he helps you out of the car with that same hand, making sure to keep you steady as you almost trip on the curb.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

“Tch. We don’t have time, Hange and Erwin are waiting for us.” He finally grumbles back, eyes aimed at the retreating figures now walking through the double glass doors. He turns on his heels and leaps up the stairs, leaving you and your hurt feelings at the bottom.

So much for trying.

Even in your sour mood, you still appreciate how beautiful the restaurant is from the outside. It’s very high end with a large crystal chandelier peeping out of the tall windows that make up the majority of the front wall. The railings of both sides of the stairs are adorned with growing vines and colorful flowers. A simple sign in neat cursive hangs above the front doors, reading ‘La Crevette’. You raise an eyebrow at that but say nothing before making your way into the air-conditioned interior alone.

The inside is even better. The gold inlay that decorates the white marble adds a delicate and elegant tone. On the walls sit ceiling high mirrors that you can’t help but stare in as your eyes scan the new surroundings. You catch Levi’s eyes in the reflection before he turns away to follow the hostess who is now leading you all to your designated table.

To say that the atmosphere at the table was so tense you could cut it with a knife would have been an understatement. You find yourself sitting across from Levi - at least 5 feet away. The chill emanating from him makes you shiver and you wish you had brought a jacket with you.

Orders were already taken so now you sit in silence as Hange and Erwin compare the activities they both did today. Levi’s fingers drum against the clothed table as he stares out the window to the left of you. It looks out into the ocean, the setting sun painting the sky, those beautiful oranges and pinks that you liked so much. You fidget with the napkin that sits across your lap in tight fingers as you stare. Erwin calls your name.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

“Hange said the baths were really nice. We might have to stop by one before we leave town, huh Levi?” The attention is now diverted onto a very bored looking Levi. He only hums in response, shrugging his shoulders as well.

‘You look like you got quite a bit of sun today.’ Your smile wavers as you eye him. There’s a soft flush across his cheeks as well as his nose and forehead. His gaze flickers up to you and you think you spot conflict in his steely eyes.

“I forgot a hat.” He says back, his curt tone a little too sharp for you. You pretend to not hear it. Your eyes fall onto your water glass after that, Hange and Erwin going back to talking about the other things they did today.

By the time dinner comes and disappears, the tense atmosphere barely stagnates. You sense Erwin and Hange can feel it too, but they don’t say anything. The only things you’re given are looks, ranging from curiosity to what you imagine is understanding. You don’t blame them though, this is really something that you and Levi need to hash out. Anxiety gnaws at your chest as you continue to pull on the thin fabric of your dress.

Eventually, the waiter comes with the check and hands it over to Erwin per his request - you all knew better than to argue with him about it. When Erwin hands the black book back with his card of choice, the waiter takes it and leans over to start gathering dishes out of the way. As he reaches from behind you, the feeling of his sleeve brushing against the side of your neck makes you stiffen up. When he pulls away, a small pop resonates by your ear.

The lack of weight around your neck is instantaneous. You watch in silent horror at your favorite necklace plopping into your lap softly. Everything goes quiet as you pick up the chain in shaky fingers, almost losing the sakura pendant as you do. The sight of the delicate golden chain now broken in a place that would not be an easy fix makes you feel like someone is stepping on your chest - crushing you.

You feel hot tears rolling down your face and you blink hard a few times. You’re in too much shock to make a sound. The waiter’s incessant apologies come muffled as realization dawns on you. You should have kept it tucked away and safe. You shouldn’t have kissed Levi. This necklace is you and Levi right now. Broken necklace, broken friendship. Your fault. All of it is your fault.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

Before anyone can protest, you push your chair out and away from the table, bumping into the still apologizing waiter. You sign a few hard apologies yourself before running down the ramp to the host station and out the front doors. Your feet take off down the street in the direction of the condo, tears streaming still but not a single sob escaping your lips.

A hand closes around your wrist, the force of your speed almost knocking you back as someone holds you still. The firm grip is telling enough that you don’t have to look around to see who it is, but you do anyway. Levi is out of breath from running after you, chest heaving and hair windswept.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

You only shake your head in response, still feeling the tears rolling down your cheeks and off your chin. You have no energy left for a fake smile and his subtle annoyance feels like another knife in the chest. You’re not sure if it was the exhaustion, the necklace, or Levi, but you feel inexplicable rage boiling over. Ripping your arm out of his grip, you start signing roughly.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘You could have fooled me. It seems to me you want nothing to do with me, ignoring me the way you have all day. What do you want?’ He flinches at that, surprised by your less than normal aggression.

“I-I’m sorry. I just don’t…” He runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back and out of his face. He stumbles through his words, something you’ve never seen him do. But you can’t think about that right now, your patience is thinning and you can’t face him if he still refuses to acknowledge the hurt he’s dealt to you even if he didn’t realize it.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

‘I’m not talking about the necklace, Levi!’ You’re in the middle of the sidewalk slamming your hands together as people rush past you two. As always, it feels as if it’s just you and Levi and everyone else are blurring streaks in the background. This time, it doesn’t feel as pleasant.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘Right.’ You don’t give Levi a chance to refute as you turn around swiftly and start off in the direction of the condo, head hung low as you do your best to sniffle quietly. Fortunately, no one looks your way as you shuffle down the sidewalk.

Different layers of pain pile on your shoulders and you’re not sure how you’re going to get out from under them. The worst of them all seems to seep into your heart in a heavy way, weighing you down so much that you’re surprised you make it back to the elevator of the condo without collapsing. When the doors shut in front of you, you allow yourself to finally fall apart like you’ve been wanting to all day, sobs racking from deep within your chest.

The moment you get into the bedroom, you slam the door behind you and prep for bed. The lingering sunlight filters through the room, painting the room gold. You didn’t care what time it was, you just knew you were ready to pass out from the day.

As you loosen your hair from the multitude of pins sticking in it, you stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Your eyes are bloodshot, the skin around them puffy. At least you don’t have to do much since your tears broke down most of the makeup already, only needing the gentle swipe of a cloth. The moment after you slip on your sleepwear, you toss yourself into the soft sheets of your temporary bed and curl in on yourself.

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

The next time your eyes open, they’re met with darkness. You’re not sure if the moon decided to stay away or if the clouds had rolled in during your slumber, but regardless your vision is pitch-black. Soft snoring to your right indicates that Hange had made it back and is currently deep in sleep. You vaguely recall hearing them calling out to you when they came back shortly after you fell asleep.

Rolling onto your back, you are greeted with the dim red light from the alarm clock illuminating the ceiling. You imagine it’s quite late in the night considering how refreshed you feel despite the lingering melancholy from dinner.

With a huff, you sit up and swing your legs off the bed. Your bare feet hit the cool, hard floor and you make quick yet quiet work of sneaking out of the bedroom. You know Hange could sleep through anything, but you did not want to suffer on the off-chance they woke up – you were not prepared to face them right now.

After closing the bedroom door, you pad over to the fridge and pull it open. The only drink options were a couple of beers and a handful of caffeinated sodas. You wish you had a cup of Levi’s tea in your hands, but instead you opt for water from the filtered pitcher. After taking a tentative sip of it, you decide that going back to sleep was not an option for you. You kick yourself for potentially screwing up your sleep schedule for the rest of the trip but that was a problem for future you.

With a cold glass in hand, you step over to the plush couch and sink into it. Grabbing the remote in the other, you turn it on and flinch as you’re met with a loud commercial about an action movie coming out soon. Quickly, you turn the volume down to one and sit still as you listen for any sounds of your roommates – luckily it stays silent. You sigh softly.

You pull over a blanket from the other side of the couch and tuck yourself in. You let your mind wander for a bit as a random movie starts to play, the low volume buzzing in the background. Thankfully, your thoughts stay away from Levi. That is, until you watch as a teacup is placed down on the glass coffee table in front of you with a clink as well as delicate fingers pulling away from the handle.

Blinking the glassiness from your vision, your eyes trail up the muscular arm that belongs to a weary-eyed Levi. His gaze shifts away quickly as he lowers himself on the other side of the couch as far as possible from you. He lifts his own teacup to his lips and takes a small sip, eyes forward on the movie ahead.

He doesn’t say anything to you, which you’re not certain if you should be grateful for, or annoyed. You were thinking about wanting some of his tea earlier, but now that it’s here, you’re torn between indulging him or not. As your eyes narrow on the steam that rises off the amber liquid, Levi pipes up finally.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

You let out a soft huff and reach for it, taking the handle in between two fingers and pulling it up to your mouth. Upon the first sip, you withhold a sigh of content. Levi always knew how to make a mean cup of tea. But you won’t say that to him right now. You’re still fuming, tea or no. With that thought, you down it the best you can despite the scorching heat of it as it burns itself down to the pit of your stomach.

You stand when you’ve finished, placing the cup back onto the saucer and then turning around to fold the blanket back up. The space is turning tense by the second and you don’t want to deal with this right now. After placing the blanket on the armrest, you reach down to grab your tea set as well as Levi’s, but his hand stops you as his fingers close around your wrist once again.

“Stay. Please? I want to talk.” You side eye him, noting the nervousness in his eyes. If it wasn’t for that, you would have stormed off. For once, it seems Levi is ready to talk, and whether you were ready or not, you needed to listen.

Setting the saucers back down, you sit on the other side of the couch again, facing him with your arms placed over your chest. Only now do you realize you’re still in a nightgown that barely covers your ass and no bra. Trying to be natural about it, you grab the pillow that sits in the middle of the cushion and pull it to your chest to cover up.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m afraid, okay? I’ve never felt so conflicted about stuff like this before. But I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you all day. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you, I just didn’t know how to face you. Or what to even say to you.”

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

The look in his eyes is chock-full of anxiety and panic. Your fingers are flying before you can stop them. The strong walls of anger you had put up for protection start crumbling away, making room for disappointment as well as regret for making him feel this way.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

Levi scoffs at that, his gray eyes cutting over to you, narrowing. He doesn’t say anything right away, instead using this moment to shift on the couch until his knees are against his chest as he faces you a couple feet away.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

‘You’ve been brushing me off all day. It’s because I kissed you when I shouldn’t have. You hate me. And you regret it even now.’ You feel the tears from earlier start to well again, but you refuse to let them spill in front of Levi.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

“It’s hard to put into words.” Levi says simply. A scowl appears as he pinches the bridge of his nose between fingers. He continues to pace, eyes half closed as he mutters to himself. You hear something about ‘not being used to this’ and ‘being blindsided’.

You lean forward and grab his pant leg with tight fingers. His sweatpants’ waistband slides down his hip from the sudden force of your grip, immobilizing him unless he wanted them pulled down any further. His steely eyes snap to your troubled expression and he softens immediately, hands dropping to his sides.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

Levi side eyes you as you hold him in place, his lips pinched into a thin line. He opens his mouth as he attempts to figure out what he wanted to say next. It takes a few tries but eventually, he settles on the last thing you’d expected him to say. It’s like his naturally stoic demeanor melts into something completely unrecognizable – not like you were complaining.

“When you kissed me, it was like I understood everything and nothing at the same time. I was so confused.” Levi mutters under his breath, sitting back down on the couch but this time on the cushion closest to you. His thigh brushes up against your knees, sending tingles up your spine from the sudden contact.

“Ever since you’ve stumbled back into my life, I couldn’t understand why you were always on my mind. I think I do now.” He continues without missing a beat. “I think I’ve always cherished you in some capacity, just in different stages.” Levi places his face in his hands that were propped up against his knees. After a few seconds, his head turns to you with a familiar expression. The way he looks at you reminds you of the little boy next door all those years ago.

“Leeeeeviii!!” You yell as you bound down the front steps without a care in the world. Your brother and Levi currently sit on the lawn, messing around with their action figures who were currently in a heated battle. In your excitement, you completely miss the bottom step and stumble down onto your hands and knees, rough concrete digging into your skin.

The wails that come out of you are loud enough that the dogs across the street start barking. A pair of hands are on you in an instant, helping to pull you up and onto the bottom step that had caused you so much trouble in the first place.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“You’re okay, it’s just some scratches.” You look up through blurry lashes to see Levi staring at your bleeding knees. You’re not going to bleed out, but crimson is trickling down your legs and it’s enough to make you cry harder.

Levi takes your little hands into his slightly bigger ones and inspects them. He brushes off the small gravel that had embedded itself into your skin, his tongue stuck between his teeth in focus. You observe him as best as you can despite the salty water obscuring your vision. Levi’s eyelashes flutter across his cheeks as he turns your hands over to get a better look at them.

“Not cut, just a little dirty. Nothing that can’t be fixed.” He says softly to you. Blue-gray eyes look up into yours and you realize you stopped crying. He offers you a lopsided grin as he squeezes your hand a few times.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

You laugh at the sudden memory that flashes before your vision. You’re grateful for Levi in many ways, despite the fact he made you mad sometimes. Memory recovery was one of the reasons why. Levi’s eyes widen at your sudden outburst.

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“Which time?” His lips twitch at his comment and you realize it probably wasn’t the first time you had fallen. You appreciate your resilient nature as a kid, taking note of the small scars that probably decorated your knees even to this day.

‘Levi, I think there’s always been a part of me that’s always felt safe with you. And, I think having a future without you in it, no matter what that means, isn’t something I want to see. So, I think that’s why I was so torn up about this. The idea of you leaving just tears me apart.’

Levi sits up at your confession, staring at you in curiosity. There’s a new look of assurance on his face as he eyes you. A pink flush creeps up his neck and into his cheekbones as he focuses back on the colorful screen ahead.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

There’s more silence, only cut up by the voices on the television and distant crashing of waves from down below. You watch him closely as he blinks slowly, propping his chin up in both arms that sit against his thighs. Before you can sign again, he speaks softly.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

You narrow your eyes at him, annoyed he would close up after so much progress. But then a yawn so big escapes your mouth and you shove your face into the pillow you were still hugging until it’s done. When you look back up, you see Levi watching you in amusement before his expression changes into indifference quickly. Maybe this would be best saved for the next day when you were both awake.

‘What about you?’

“I don’t sleep much, you know that. I’ll be okay.” He shrugs his shoulders as he gets up from the sofa. He reaches for the remote and turns off the tv then carefully places it back on the coffee table. Then he turns around to offer you a hand which you take, still hugging the pillow to your chest. He raises an eyebrow at that but turns on his heel to head to his bedroom. With a soft sigh, you place the pillow back and follow him down the hallway to your room.

The need to figure out what was going through his mind was strong, but your exhaustion hits harder. As you pass the kitchen, you note the time was about to hit five in the morning which means you have been up for a while. Despite the amount of sleep from earlier, you feel your body giving in to the heaviness of fatigue – no doubt a consequence of having such a taxing day.

You watch as Levi stops outside of his door, right hand gripping the doorknob in white knuckles. As you pass him, you reach over and place your hand on top of his. When his eyes fall on you, you offer a small smile.

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

Levi looks down at your lips quickly before jumping back up to your eyes. In a swift motion, he releases the doorknob and grabs your hand, pulling you in closer to him with sudden force. His gaze is as firm as the grip on you, holding you in place. When he speaks again, his words come out measured.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

Your eyes widen at the sudden confession, and you stare at him with your lips parted in surprise. As if time slowed down, just like in the elevator, Levi tilts your chin in his direction - pinching it gently between his thumb and index finger. He leans in slowly, his eyes staring into yours as he wavers inches away. Levi is so close to you that his hot breath hits your face, and you smell hints of his black tea and traces of pine.

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

Carefully, his mouth meets yours and you instantly distinguish the difference between this kiss and the one in the elevator. This one is hesitant, nervous. But traces of ravenous hunger linger as an aftertaste.

That same heat blazes from your face all the way down to your toes. Levi’s fingers move from your chin to right under your jaw, tilting your face into him even more. After a moment, he breaks away granting you a moment to catch your breath. His face is still inches from yours, gray eyes fluttering closed as your forehead rests against his. Your name tumbles out of his mouth, almost like a beg.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

He leans in again, cupping your whole face in his calloused hand and locking his lips back over yours. The hunger intensifies just like the buzzing throughout your whole system. You open your mouth slightly to let his tongue in to explore and it does, eliciting a quiet moan from you. You swear you hear Levi growl in response. Oh, how touch starved you two were for each other.

As if in sync, Levi opens the bedroom door and you both stumble still lip-locked into his room. He pushes you up against the door, shutting it behind you. If you weren’t so lost in the kiss, you would have been worried by how loud the slam must have been. Levi presses up against you more, sandwiching you between the heat of his body and the cool wooden door behind you. You already feel how hard he is under his sweatpants.

You’re more inexperienced than most so there’s hesitation in your kiss – something Levi picks up on quickly. He pulls away but leaves his hands on your face as he looks at you with apprehension.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to tonight.” He whispers to you. His voice is as sincere as it always is, albeit husky. You place a hand over his that sits on your face, leaning into it as you do before signing back.

‘I want all of you.’ You offer a loving smile, wide and full of adoration for the man in front of you. Levi’s eyes bounce back and forth between yours as if searching for something. He finds nothing but pure truth.

Levi’s lips crash back onto yours, careful but just as heated. As his marred lips leave and make their way down your neck, one of your hands slides up his chest to his undercut until your fingers find what they were looking for, tangling in his raven hair.

The moment you feel his teeth pinch your soft skin, another moan comes out louder than before. Having him pressed up against you like that, the outline of his cock pressing into your stomach, you start to feel your patience slowly unraveling.

Your nervousness flies out the window. This was Levi, you had no reason to worry. Levi is safe to you. He would take care of you as he always does. And you would do the same. The thought makes you smile up at the ceiling. Before you know it, your hands push against Levi’s soft skin, and he pulls away quickly. Worry pools into his dark eyes as he watches you carefully.

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Instead of signing back, you force him to step back towards the bed with your palm pressed against his chest until the back of his knees hit the edges of the mattress. The force alone makes him lurch back so that he falls back onto the soft duvet, catching himself on his hands so that he’s sitting up.

In a swift motion, you straddle his hips, and your lips find solace on his mouth yet again. You don’t hesitate to push your tongue through to taste him again, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing yourself into him more.

You don’t mean to, but you find your hips grinding on to him, the only barriers between your already soaked self and Levi being the clothes you wish were off. The pressure and friction against your very sensitive core make you pull away for breath. Levi’s soft grunts are music to your ears and his lips start trailing back down your neck, his teeth finding purchase in your soft skin yet again. His fingers slide up your back, pulling your night dress up with it.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

Levi pulls away again and stares up at you with heavy-lidded eyes full of impatience. You note that pink flush of his that you love so much, deeper in color and painting across his cheeks. As you stare down at him, you come to love this version of Levi and you want nothing but to see his face contort at the way you grinded into him. But he places his hands on your hips to keep you still, much to your dismay. You watch him carefully as he speaks, his voice husky.

“I-uh. I want this, I do. But we need to be safe. And I didn’t bri-“ He averts his gaze, staring at the corner of the bed. You were so lost in the exhilaration of it all, you didn’t think about it. A thick appreciation for him crashes over you because his cautious nature, even if it did slightly kill the heat of the moment.

‘Give me a second. I can help with this. Stay here.’ You give him a chaste kiss before sliding off his lap and out the door quickly. You tiptoe your way back to your room, making sure the only sounds that can be heard are the clock ticking on the wall and the muffled continuous crashing of waves just outside.

When you slip into your room, you see Hange flat on their back with their hair tousled everywhere. Soft snores escape their lips, a telltale sign they are out like a light. Hange wasn’t promiscuous in the slightest, but they weren’t closed minded either. And with that, it meant they stayed prepared.

You creep over to their unorganized suitcase where clothes were strewn all over the place. Reaching into the top compartment, your fingers feel the sharp edges of a foil package and slip it out. You blush to yourself as you think back to Levi’s outline as you make sure it’s the right size.

A snort from behind you makes you freeze in place, breath hitched as you sit crouching in silence. A moment passes. Another minute. Hange’s snores fill the room again and you let loose your held breath, shoulders sagging. You’re sure this conversation would come up again later, but you didn’t want to deal with it right now. Especially with Levi waiting for you.

It takes you next to no time to slip out of your room and back into Levi’s, closing his door with a soft click. Turning around, you show him the condom in between pinched fingers and smile widely to Levi who was still sitting on the edge of the bed for you.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“I don’t need to know any more.” Levi blurts out, hands up in defeat. A silent laugh shakes your shoulders as you make your way back over to him. You fling the package onto the bed before straddling him again, noting how hard he was underneath you still.

‘Now where were we?’ You sign with a small smile. Levi smirks and places his hand against your cheek, his thumb tracing your bottom lip gently. You playfully nip at him, and he huffs in amusement.

“You’re breathtakingly beautiful, you know that?” He asks you softly before pulling your face into his and locking his lips on yours. It’s a saccharine-laced kiss. His hands find your hips again, lowering until they are fully on your ass, and they squeeze. A squeak escapes into his mouth as he does, and it just makes his grip on your skin tighter.

Pulling away, you grip his t-shirt from the bottom and start tugging it up. Levi leans back so you can pull it up and over his head, discarding it on the bed next to him. Your hands trail down his toned chest and abs, his skin burning under your touch. It’s soft despite the hard muscles underneath them. Your mouth finds his again as your hands explore, not hesitating to slip your tongue into Levi’s already parted lips.

Your hands find their way back in his hair, fingers entwining through the fine strands. You can’t help it – you tug gently, and a small whine comes out of his pouty lips as he’s pulled away from your mouth. Something inside you burns and again you feel your razor thin patience cutting at you.

As if Levi reads your mind, he wraps an arm around your back while leaving his other hand cupping your ass and stands up effortlessly. In a mere moment, he turns around with you in his strong arms and then gently tosses you on to the bed. A soft laugh escapes you as you land. Everything around you smells like Levi.

Levi stands at the foot of the bed and stares down at you ravenously, a look you don’t think you’ve ever seen on anyone outside of the movies on your television screen. You sit up on your elbows and watch as he gets on the bed and slowly makes his way on top of you. He meets your lips with his own as his body hovers over yours, his fingers lightly trailing up your arms resulting in goosebumps following in their wake.

Slowly, you lie back down flush to the mattress, his knees digging into the sheets on either side of your thighs. Levi’s lips start to slide down your jaw which gives you some space to breathe but your breaths quickly turn into soft whimpers as his fingers lightly trace across your lower abdomen. His other hand snakes around the back of your neck, supporting it as he starts planting more soft kisses down it.

“You can stop me at any time, okay?” Levi whispers, his hot breath tickling your neck. You nod, only wishing you had your voice to say his name and tell him you wanted him. As long as he was with you, you would always want him.

Levi’s hand that was teasing your waist makes its way back up to the lacy lining that adorns the edge of your nightdress, long fingers tugging down the thin fabric that holds your breasts in place. You’re glad Levi isn’t watching your face because you are multiple shades of embarrassment.

But Levi doesn’t say anything, instead he takes a breast in hand and massages it gently as his kisses start trailing down past your collarbone. Before you know it, his soft lips clamp around your already very sensitive nipple, eliciting a loud moan from you. You can’t help but dig your nails into the firm muscles of his back in response, dragging them down as Levi bites down gently. An exhale of hot air blows out of Levi’s mouth against your skin when you do that, a small grunt escaping with it.

You feel the absence of his lips immediately as his lips leave and the wetness left behind leaves your skin defenseless against the cool air. Levi softly kisses back up your sternum then pulls away, leaning forward on both hands that now sit on each side of your face. His tousled hair falls forward, creating shadows across his face as he stares down with that same hungry look, only this time it’s tinted with pure amazement.

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

You blink up at him and swallow hard. You were more than okay but as always, your words fail you. Instead, you nod and the hands that once dragged down his back are now trailing down his chest again. The feeling of his skin against yours sends electricity through your whole body, and you want more. You need more. Your hands flatten against right above his rapidly beating heart as you do your best to give him a look that conveys ‘more’.

“I’ve got you.” Those were the words he had muttered down to you the day before as you fell asleep in his arms on the beach. It wasn’t just cherishment that he held for you; it was deeper than that. Hange’s words from earlier flit through your mind, only briefly. How could you not have fully noticed until now?

He leans down and places his lips back on yours, soft and sweet. As your lips lock on to his, you feel his feather light touch trace back down to the elastic band of your underwear. But instead of teasing you like he had before, you feel his fingers dip under the cloth and further down to…

Any other thoughts racing through your mind cease to exist as his delicate fingers slide down your slick folds. You don’t mean to moan as loud as you do and fortunately Levi’s mouth muffles it for you. He hums in response to your reactions, smiling into the kiss.

Levi’s lips graze back down to just under your ear as his fingers rub small circles around your clit eliciting more moans from you. Your labored breaths fill the space as the white-hot heat from his touch reverberates throughout your whole body, tingling down to the tips of your toes. He whispers your name under a heavy breath, mutterings of how beautiful you are to him floating up to your ear. All sweet words mirror the moans you made.

You reach down to Levi’s hardened bulge that currently fights against the stretched fabric of his joggers. Your fingers close around him as much as they can through the thick cloth. Upon contact, Levi’s breath hitches. You give him a gentle squeeze resulting in a guttural groan that comes through his clenched teeth.

In response, his touch burns deep into your core as he carefully pushes a digit into your warm entrance, the palm of his hand applying pressure onto your swollen clit as he does. His movements are gentle as he pumps it in and out slowly, and you feel his finger curving up into a spot so good your toes curl. The euphoria turns into building heat, and you know what’s about to happen - but you wanted more. You wanted him now more than ever and this was not enough. More, more, more.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He mumbles, his lips finding your earlobe and nipping at it gently. Reaching over with your other hand, you place your hand against his cheek and pull him up to you, planting your lips right onto his. It’s a hungry kiss, one conveying you were ready for him. You love him, you want him. You need him.

With that, Levi withdraws his hand and slides himself off you and the bed. You sit up and watch as he tugs down his pants along with his boxers. You knew what was coming and yet you couldn’t stop the blood rushing to your cheeks in shy embarrassment. You look away, staring at the ceiling as you hear Levi pick his clothes up including the shirt you threw on the bed, and then place them neatly on the dresser behind him. Your name quietly tumbles out his lips for your attention.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

Instead, you push yourself closer to the edge of the bed and take Levi’s hand. In a delicate flourish, you’re in his arms again and he pulls you in for another deep, lingering kiss. His fingers bunch at the bottom of your night dress and start lifting it up. You let him, pulling away enough so he can get the soft fabric up and over your head. He folds it and turns to place it next to his pants. When he circles back on you, he takes a moment to observe your half-naked self.

Being in your thin bathing suit was one thing, but to be standing there as the cool air conditioning drifted across your unprotected self was in a whole other universe. You shift your weight awkwardly and twist your arms together as you avert your gaze to the piled-on dresser.

Levi steps closer to you and takes both of your arms in a gentle grip and pulls them away from each other so that you’re exposed to him. You force your gaze on him despite how nervous you were to be in front of him. Levi’s dark eyes trail down your body but not in an ogling kind of way – he watches you with wonder.

“You’re just so beautiful. Every part of you.” He releases your arms, and his hands are back on you, sliding down your waist and landing on your hips. His fingers leave a trail of tingles. “I want you, all of you. If you’ll have me. Is that okay?” He whispers to you, pulling you by the hips into him. The length of his hardened self presses against your bare stomach as he does.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

With that, Levi gently pushes you down into the bed with a hard kiss, leaning into you until your back is pressed against the mattress. He loops his fingers into the sides of your panties and tugs them down your legs, pulling away from you yet again to place them next to the rest of the discarded clothes. At that moment, he takes the time to rip a corner off the metallic package with his teeth, the foil discarded onto the dresser once done.

He grabs your hips again, this time pulling you flush to the edge of the bed as he stands at the foot of it. His hand makes its way to your thigh and his perfectly trimmed nails press into your soft skin as he holds you close. The tip of his cock teases your entrance and if you had a voice, you would have begged for it. As usual, you didn’t have to.

Levi leans down to you and kisses you slowly, teeth brushing against your swollen bottom lip. He places his other hand on the bed next to your head, using it to keep himself propped up. His hair hangs low as he hovers, already moist with sweat from the proximity and building body heat between the two of you. You use one hand to grip his forearm while the other hand slides up the back of his head and into his sweaty hair, fingers digging into his scalp. As the kiss deepens, so do his movements into you.

Levi slides himself in gently, using his hold on your thigh to control his speed. He lifts your leg up against his hip for a better angle but the sharp gasp from you stops Levi in his tracks. He stays there, feeling your warm walls hugging tightly around him.

He pulls away from the kiss and hovers over you again, looking down into your eyes with worry. It's been a while since you have been touched like this, let alone this intimate. You don’t think you’ve ever felt this loved. Levi makes this all so easy despite the anxious knot in your chest. You realize it isn’t just this that he makes easy, though. It’s everything around you. Every issue, every solution.

You imagine you’re looking at him just the same, a small smile etching into your flushed and hot face. Before he can ask again, you move your hand up and under his fingers that digs into the bed next to you. Lacing your fingers in with his, you squeeze his hand a few times.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

In a breathless moan, Levi pushes himself all the way in. He presses his lips onto yours, muffling your moans that rise in volume as he slowly rocks into you. The hand he had on your thigh tightens as he pulls you into him more, quickening his pace slightly. The new angle hits a spot that almost puts you at the brink of finishing right then and there.

Levi lets go of your hand and moves his arm under your neck again, giving him the opportunity to trail his now sloppy kisses and teeth down it. Those razor-sharp teeth sink into your skin as one of his thrusts hit simultaneously. You bite into the back of your hand to keep yourself from wailing out and waking the rest of your roommates. The other hand that now sits against his sweaty chest digs into his skin, burying deeper with every thrust. It feels as if every part of your body burns like wildfire from his touch. Your name comes out in a groan this time, husky and deep.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

Levi thrusts soon become clumsy, feeling him slam into you inconsistently and with every hit comes more pressure against your clit. Heat builds into your core, the same as before. You’re pulling at his hair, in an attempt to warn him you were close. Throaty curses leave his lips as you both feel each other tense up.

In an instant, it’s like the world crumbles around you as you hit your limit. The walls surrounding Levi clenches as each wave of pleasure rolls through your whole system. Your orgasm sends Levi over the edge and in one deep thrust of his hips, you feel his body shudder as his moan almost turns into a whine. His teeth bite into you again as he rides through his own climax, filling up the condom within you.

Levi releases your leg and lets it fall gently against the bed before collapsing on top of you. He uses an arm to keep himself propped up enough to not suffocate you with his body weight. You focus on the heavy panting emanating from the both of you as you come down from your high. His heart beats in sync with your own against as he lays on top of you, digging his face into the crook of your neck.

You wrap your arms around his head and hold him close, despite the heat and sticky sweat between your bodies. Levi nuzzles his nose into sweaty soft skin and chuckles, low and hoarse. You both continue to lay like that until the breathing slows down to a normal pace. The next time he speaks, his voice is so soft and barely audible that you almost miss it.

“I love you too.”

☆ Taglist ➼ @averysmolbear @humanitys-strongest-bamf @youre-ackermine @spaghettiyarns @notgoodforlife @roseofdarknessblog @missamity @icansmellsouls @dkbktk420 @romantichomicide95 @janey-stempy @sckerman @secretmoneybearvoid @sujiroses @jadam724 @e-riellaaa @kamyru @highgoon69 @kingkonoha @nube55 @missyasma

If you'd like to be a part of my taglist to be notified for not only the rest of this fic but for my other writings, please go here!

☾ Previous Chapter: June Part 3

☾ Next Chapter: June Part 5 [Final]

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killerlookz · 1 month ago

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Hey, little late to the party, just wanted to say It Can’t Be That Easy was such a banger! It really made it clear to me how much guilt Joost has. Like, you were telling us this whole time, especially in No Going Back, but now I really gEt it. Legit didn’t know I could read bro comforting reader about hickies he got from another girl and still be like awwww he cares about them so much🥺

Can’t stop thinking about how Joost is so sweet and caring for drunk reader while Michael is such a dick about them drinking at all.

When he says stuff like "You deserve this. And more, just sorry I'm showing you that so late." it makes me think him and reader could be less toxic if they got back together. Idk maybe I’m crazy. It’s written that both of them contributed to their problems but that Joost seemingly did so a little bit more. Are you hinting that he’s learning? That he wants to do better? That the process of breaking up and the messy extended ensuing events of the series are all a learning process?? The process they need to learn they want to be better to each other (and that there is no one else they want to be better for 👀)??? Or am I delulu and it’s all just about guilt? 😂

Praying that Joost learns to communicate exactly what he’s actually thinking🙏

If you cant tell, I’m one of those people who always wants happy endings so perhaps just ignore me. Only you know what the vision is. I just want the best for these hoes. Maybe they can find a less toxic way to be around each other if they really can’t stay away😩😂

Also, I’m guessing Lina wasn’t so happy he took reader home😂 Is he seeing Lina and/or other people during the rest of the series too? Curious 🤔 (even if he was making out with her in the bathroom he did nOt want to meet her friends and did nOt want to leave the couch to go dance with her later so I wonder how much she is just a distraction from how crushed he is and it doesn’t last)

Man, I keep thinking even if reader’s relationship with Joost was toxic Michael is so much worse wth. The cuck chair in every hotel room was designed specifically for Michael.

This was long. No need to respond. Just needed to flail at you. Heartbeat! au has me by the throat.

P.S. If a mf talked about me like I wasn’t there like Lina did about reader on the couch there would be a physical altercation. Reader is strong.

P.S.S. ‘You peek your head from the room, then step out, feeling like a child walking to your parents bedroom to tell them you just threw up.’ Is hiLARious 😂

P.S.S.S. ‘“Not worth crying over. Wasting tears." The idea of wasting tears had never made much sense to you, what were you meant to save them for? Something important? This was important, Joost was important, your relationship was important- and you had ruined it. That was worth crying over.’ You are KILLING me dude

P.S.S.S.S. ‘You had thought things were supposed to get better after breaking off a toxic relationship, not worse.’ Is DEVASTATING WTFFFF this could be the tag line for the entire series I swear

thank you so much for your inbox this is so sweet 😭 thank you for taking the time out of your day to write all this omfg i love reading everyone’s thought so <333

yes joost is SAURRR guilty thru this whole series … like …. sooo guilty …. so so guilty … poor little guy :-( or not poor guy … maybe he shouldn’t have fucked up the first time … oops

- as for joost seeing other girls throughout the series … well this does take place in his “fuckboy” era so…… 😇

- THE CUCK CHAIR IN EVERY HOTEL ROOM WAS DESIGNED FOR MICHAEL??? im fucking dead plssss 😭

- hmmm…. altercation between lina and reader… much to think about!

anyways thank you for your kind words <333 mwa

#my inbox 💌

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lifesver · 1 month ago

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Im so in love with you and your friends’s interpretations of the victims, can I ask how you and your friends are able to develop such interesting lore for them?

hey anon! this is so, so kind, thank you sm for the message <3 ;; honestly like, i think the best answer is everything my writing partners/pals and i have written on these blogs has been a slow-cooked built over time kind of endeavor! stuff that has definitely changed and developed majorly over the months that we've been hanging around on this goofy website, haha.

i started with this blog back just before the public beta test happened for the game, and for a little bit it was just me and rae sitting here like 'well what if we just made blogs for super niche horror game characters'. which tbh, something rae and i have historically loved to do with our diff muses on diff blogs, just kind of grabbing characters that have limited lore but exist in a cool universe and have a cool 'starting point' to jump off from, sort of. it gives a lot of space to really get creative imo.

ALL THAT TO SAY rae and i were working with like... beta gameplay, character models/cosmetics/baseline lore snippets, and doing dumb stuff like combing through gameplay vids just to try and collect voicelines to see how these characters might interact w each other! and we had some months to wait before the game would actually release, so in that time we simply started crafting our own ideas and it kinda built organically! just sending prompts back and forth, trying to think about what some of the key story beats would be, as if we were retelling a movie or w/e. but i think the most fun part about tcsm is that the inherent gameplay, and how differently each match can go, lends itself well to creating all kinds of different trajectories of where the story Could go, some endings happier than others, some allowing us to explore more dark themes.

for me that's a big part of what keeps me writing on this blog-- the possibilities for exploring, esp within the slasher genre. esp within the texas chainsaw franchise, where imo, the protags are often sidelined/cut down, and where the antagonists can sometimes be more complex and even sympathetic at times. the game itself, despite what the creative team later said, implies that there's the possibility that the victims survive this horrifying event. and there's like, not a lot of exploration done in that area within slashers, i feel? when i do see it, i cheer furiously tbh like hell yeah halloween hell yeah friday the 13th 4-6 hell yeah anoes 1 + dream warriors hell yeah scream movies. i just think there's a lot to expand on in terms of the effects and healing process of trauma, the emotional connection between the characters, and complex dynamics in general that might tend to get overlooked in stories like this usually.

but anyway, through just being silly and passionate, we met our other friends who were equally silly and passionate about the game/genre/franchise/characters/etc, and started slowly connecting our ideas. like sometimes we'll just slam our general verse ideas on the dash, and someone else will start cooking with it and thinking about it, and then we have a whole connected au going. sometimes we'll be writing with each other, and naturally bring up other characters in those replies and it gives a little bit of worldbuilding too.

roleplaying is honestly such a rewarding hobby, bc i get to collaborate with really talented writers and help bring a cohesive narrative together. idk it's like instead of having to sit and write your story by yourself, you got a funny little writers room. except we're all throwing paper airplanes and also crying on the floor sometimes. but like, you naturally get to bounce ideas off each other and learn how your muse would handle certain situations just by interacting with another muse, you know? and i get to read my friends' stuff and go wow! that was a cool use of wording! or wow i really love how they visualized this scene/character thought process, and then i am able to implement certain things to improve how my own writing goes.

when you find writing partners that really Get You on that front and have the same style of worldbuilding as you, it's just really awesome and keeps the passion and muse flowing in a funny echo chamber almost. and it's like, even for people i've written with that haven't stuck around for whatever reasons, sometimes pieces of their portrayals of their own muses will stick with mine, like we all kind of help each other build our character interpretations out. and even if they end up very very canon-divergent as lore is slowly drip fed to us by the devs, we're confident in what we do have built and just kinda change and work things in as we go. it's just nice and no pressure around here, and it's rly just built off of and inspired by each others individual creative passion. ik that's how it is for me, anyway! i love seeing my friends just say w/e random hc about their muse bc then suddenly we might all be talking about a related hc for our individual muses, that kinda thing!

i'm sorry this was super long winded! i hope that kinda answered the question, i got a lil carried away LMAO but thank you again for idk, perceiving our stuff! it's not like fic writing on ao3 so it's always a pleasant surprise when ppl stumble upon our nonsense it's like oh hey man- welcome to our weird little corner!

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lilacsmothership · 10 months ago

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kind of debating whether i even want to bother turning the queue back on. maybe i'll pare it down to just sharing art from mutuals and slow down the posting rate some more.

i sometimes feel like i've grown a particular kind of audience here whose interests don't quite align with what i really want to be doing. i'm not judging anyone for that, though - people have their tastes and it's not their responsibility to answer to mine just because some of my art happened to resonate with them, nor does that make them shallow or anti-artist. a lot of my follower growth definitely came from cute furry posting, with a few cute furries in particular that outshine everything else i've posted, and cute furries are a big part of what i'm all about!

but i'm not just a cute furry artist, these characters have stories i want to write and belong to these vast science-fantasy worlds i've been laboring for years to articulate. and although i originally started running the queue because i noticed that it seems like people are reminded to go check my blog and actually see my art when there's a consistent stream of posts throughout the day, instead of simply not noticing that i posted that day at all - i worry it just ends up burying the more idk "literary" aspects of my art further out of mind for most of my viewers, cementing the problem.

on top of that, as i've said on my new SFW twitter, building an audience for my worldbuilding continues to be a learning process. i took the past couple years as an opportunity to try a kinda coy approach, being indirect, minimally descriptive and more letting the art speak for itself. i think that can work, but given my observations of other artists, it often pays to be explicit, especially if you don't have lots to show. people Want words and names to latch onto, characterizations and data sketching out the contours of the story beyond the picture. the mysteries of your world need context.

and perhaps a bigger factor is how focused i've been on cute ocs and their mundane lives, without leaning much into the weirder sci-fantasy aspects distinguishing the world itself. so without compromising either aspect, i aim next to start giving the latter more showtime.

anyway, thanks for being here, all 1600+ of you. (wow!) whatever the reason you're here, it really does mean a lot that so many of you enjoy my work, in one way or another, even if that doesn't always align with my ambitions. and i hope that, whatever you came to me for originally, you'll also enjoy the dive deeper into my lore and characters.

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spicerackofblorbos · 9 months ago

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Chapter 8: June - Part Four [NSFW]

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Word Count ➼ ~10.9k

But it wasn’t all regret, was it? You wanted to kiss him. And you liked it.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

‘What do you mean?’

“You look like you didn’t sleep a wink last night and you have been out of it all day. What are you thinking about?”

‘It’s nothing. Just had trouble sleeping.’

“You’re only restless when you have something on your mind.”

“And that’s upsetting?” They laugh and relax back into the plush cushions. “That’s nothing new. I’ve known for a long time.”

Your eyes cut over to Hange again at that, wide in shock.

‘You knew? How? Since when?’

“I know when someone’s smitten. And you my darling? You are smitten like a kitten.” They roll their head in your direction as they speak, eyes sparkling. “Probably since February.”

Was it that early?

‘Can you be specific?’ You feel your face heat up from under the thick mask.

“What happened last night anyways that made you discover this known secret?” Hange already knew, they had to have. Their demeanor changed from worried to curious in the blink of an eye.

‘Nothing.’ You sit back in a huff, closing your eyes.

“Oh yes!! I’ve been looking forward to this part.” Hange exclaims, practically throwing themselves out of the chair.

‘If you must know, he didn’t kiss me.’ You’re suddenly focused on the waterspout sitting opposite of you on the wall.

“Damn. I was rea-“

‘I kissed him.’

“Wha-?! You?!”

“I’m guessing by your reactions, it didn’t go well?”

‘He pulled away and gave me a weird look.’

“What did he say after?”

‘He pulled away quickly and gave me a look that didn’t really scream “yay”. What was I supposed to do?’

“Sit and talk to him like the adult you are?” More bubbles pop at the surface as your eyes narrow at them.

‘What if he doesn’t want to talk? Or even see me? Or be my friend anymore?’

“Well, did he kiss back?”

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. A lot was happening.’

“I imagine he did. He likes you too, you know.”

“Want me to make him talk to you?” Hange says with a smirk on their lips.

‘Don’t even think about it. He’ll just kill both of us.’ You flick water in their direction at which they chuckle at it.

‘What happens if we never talk again?’

You give them an exasperated look despite it all, offering them a thumbs down as well.

‘Can we talk?’ You sign quickly.

He considers you, eyebrows pinched the way they do.

So much for trying.

“So how did you like the spa? Did they take care of you as well?” His clear eyes stare into yours with interest.

You smile politely and nod, signing along saying ‘They did, it was quite luxurious. Thank you for setting it up for us.’ He smiles back and chuckles.

Placing it on the table gently, you force another sweet smile, one that closes your eyes and you feel more tears pressing out as you do.

‘I’m going to get some air.’ You sign.

“Where are you going?” His voice is stern and laced with annoyance.

‘Why are you here?’

“I’m worried about you. You’re upset.” His steely eyes cut into yours, narrowing.

‘‘I can’t fix it.’ You sign shakily, fingers fumbling over each other.

“I’ll take a look at it. And if it’s not fixable, I can just get you a new one.” It dawns on you that Levi doesn’t understand, and you’re not certain if he ever did.

He doesn’t say anything back, choosing to stare with his lips parted as if he wanted to.

‘Why won’t you just talk to me? I thought you trusted me with yourself.’

“I do. Trust you, I mean.”

‘Then talk to me!’

“It’s not that simple.”

The hurt from last night comes back tenfold. Only this time, frustration burns under your skin. Before you know it, nightmares come to you in the form of dark slate grays.

“I didn’t poison it, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He mumbles. You flicker your eyes over to him, but his gaze stays glued to the TV in front.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He rubs the back of his neck as he watches you. His anxiety looks like it’s about to overflow.

‘Is that really all you want to talk about? Small talk?’

“No! Of course not.” He grumbles. He mirrors you, folding his arms across his chest. He’s getting defensive again.

‘Then what do you want?’ You click your tongue in annoyance.

“I don’t know wha-…” He falters.

‘You do know what you want. You just won’t say it.’

“It’s not that simple.”

‘But you know, don’t you? What is holding you back? What is making this so difficult for you to talk to me?’ Your signs come out more forceful than you meant.

His arms fall into his lap as his focus darts to the tv off to the side. You eye him warily and purse your lips while you wait for him to continue, which he does after sighing heavily in frustration.

“I’m sorry.” he says quietly, shifting his gaze back to your face.

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry to have caused you so much strife.’ You bite the inside of your cheek.

“Don’t be sorry.” He whispers finally, dark eyes piercing into yours.

“Why would I hate you?”

‘I just feel like I ruined our friendship with my actions, and you wouldn’t talk to me about it so I also feel like you want nothing to do with me because of it.’

“I don’t hate you.” He mutters, eyes shifting away before jumping back to yours. “I could never hate you.”

‘Then why won't you talk to me?’

Levi gets up abruptly and starts pacing back and forth in front of you with his shaky fingers raking through his hair. The anxiety radiating off him is palpable.

‘Just try.’ You give him your best pleading eyes, bottom lip jutting out as far as it can go.

“I’ll go get some bandages.” Your brother says in a panic, running up the stairs and back in the house you had just come out of.

“See? Not broken. You’ll be okay.”

He was always so calm with you. You shoot him a toothy grin while squeezing his hand back a few times. So calm. So safe.

“Levi, I’m never letting you go.”

“What?”

‘Remember when I ate shit outside of my house when we were kids?’

He hesitates as he thinks.

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He mutters.

“I don’t regret it.” He side-eyes you, as if he were afraid to face you for such a statement.

‘What do you mean you don’t regret it?’

“It means I don’t regret that you kissed me.”

‘Did you want me to kiss you?’

Silence.

“You should probably get some sleep. I’m sure tomorrow will be just as exhausting. We can talk more then.” Levi says quietly, changing the subject.

‘What about you?’

‘What’s wrong?’

Before you can pull away, Levi says your name and stares over at you with longing.

“What am I to you?”

With shaky hands, you sign back, ‘What would you like to be, Levi?’ Adrenaline courses through your veins like lava at the sudden question.

“Yours.” It’s so soft, barely audible. And yet so full of conviction.

“You’re right, I do know what I want. My answer is yours. I want to be yours.”

“And I want to kiss you. Is that okay?” You nod, dazed by his proximity.

“I need to know.” He pulls away from you, the air around you instantly turning cold from the lack of his presence. “Will you let me?”

‘Let you what, Levi?’ You know what he wants, but you just want to hear him say it again. And again and again and again.

“Let me be yours.” Your smile would have blinded the whole world.

‘Mine.’

“Is everything okay?” He murmurs hoarsely.

Then a groan comes out of his clenched teeth, full of frustration.

“Did you come prepared?” He raises an eyebrow at the glittering foil.

‘No, but Hange do-‘

“Still okay?” He whispers down to you.

A soft whine comes out of you as your fingers tighten around him. A light huff tickles against your skin – Levi’s way of chuckling.

When you look up at him, you see him offering a hand to you. Your eyes flicker down for a mere second before going back up to Levi’s soft gaze. You feel as if you could faint on the spot.

You sign that same simple word, ‘Mine’.

A way to say you were okay and that you trusted him. And always would.

He looks down at you curiously but then realization dawns on him. His concern washes away to reveal his own version of adoration for you. It’s one of your favorite expressions on him by far.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful. You feel so good.” He buries his face into your collarbone as he moans your name again, shakily.

“I love you too.”

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