#ANYWAYS SORRY I HOPE I'LL BE ABLE TO BE MORE ACTIVE SOON

[otterlis]

sooo this is what ive been working on when im not dying at work ♡

[yuikomorii]

Happy 12th anniversary! 🎉

// I can’t believe so many years have passed since Ayato’s first CD drama, which marked the beginning of Diabolik Lovers and the introduction of my girl, Yui. Even if it got its flaws, I will continue to support this franchise! 💘

I have prepared an edit and a scenario for this special day! It's meant to be a "funny" one, so there will definitely be some cringe moments, but overall it's quite lighthearted. I sincerely hope you find it enjoyable! Besides, I had a blast writing Laito; he always channels my inner mischievousness.

Yui: Hmm… I believe I have all ingredients now!

( Come to think of it, the Sakamaki brothers are vampires but they surprisingly allowed me to celebrate Christmas this year. )

( It’s honestly so ironic that it makes me wonder whether or not they actually did it for… me? )

( A-Ah no, that’s definitely not the case! I’m probably just getting selfish at this point, but I genuinely do appreciate it. For this reason, I’ll try my best to cook all of their favorite dishes so as to show my gratitude! )

( Christmas is such a magical time of the year. It brings back memories of my father and I organizing the annual Christmas Mass together. We used to decorate the church and bake sweets for children, who were so cute when receiving them! Those were activities that truly brought joy to my heart… I sort of miss those times. )

( My father… I wonder, is he preparing for Christmas too? No, he most likely isn’t… )

( I don’t even know where he is to begin with but I truly hope he’s alright… )

( Anyway, I shouldn’t ruin the mood with those thoughts. Now that I've got everything ready for the dishes, I just need to find the right spot to hide Ayato-kun’s pre— )

Ayato: Yo, Chichinashi!

Yui: G-Geez! Ayato-kun, I told you already not to sneak up behind my back!

Ayato: Haa… Fine, fine, I’m sorry.

Yui: It’s— Eh?

( Wait a little, did he just apologize? )

Ayato: Why are you making such a dumb face? You don’t believe my words, do you?

Yui: Y-You got it wrong! It’s just that I wasn’t expecting Ayato-kun to apologize for something so trivial, you see.

Ayato: Hmm, I guess you’re not wrong. But, since Christmas is coming soon, it’d be a pity for Santa Claus to write me on the naughty list after trying to avoid it the whole year.

Yui: Naughty list…?

( Is it just me, or does Ayato-kun really believe Santa Claus will give him a present? I mean… Santa is told to only deliver them to children, and I'm not sure a 17-year-old still qualifies as one. )

( But I can’t straight up tell him that! It will only ruin the magic otherwise… Besides, when that thought crosses my mind, it somehow makes him appear so pure. )

Ayato: Hah? What are you grinning at? I swear, I've made an effort to be a good boy this year!

Yui: That’s really… amazing, Ayato-kun! I’m sure Santa will remember that!

Ayato: Heh? So you really think he’ll bring me something?

Yui: Uhm… Definitely!

( His eyes started sparking, I really can’t say “no” to that…! However, that only means I'll have to get him another gift so that he can have one from "Santa" and another one from me. )

B-By the way, I think I forgot to buy gingerbread syrup. I suppose I should leave before ——

Ayato: No, no, I’ll go!

Yui: You will? Ah, but you don’t have to! I was the one who forgo—…!

( He’s covering my mouth! )

Ayato: Stop blabbering already! Ore-sama offered to buy it for you, so you could try being a bit more grateful!

Yui: That’s… you’re right.

( Maybe it’s for the better. This way, I'll be able to find a hiding place for the present I already have for him. )

Ayato: I’ll be right back!

—Timeskip—

Ayato: Tsk, I can’t believe that shit was out of stock!

Chichinashi will surely be disappointed, if I come home with nothing! After all, she takes all that Christmas stuff seriously…

What's worse is that I tried really hard to find it, but it was already sold out by the time I arrived!

Tsk, damn it! Why must this be so complicated!?

Laito: Well, well. Seems like Ayato-kun is quite moody today.

Ayato: Get lost you pervert, it’s none of your business!

Laito: Haa… how rude of you, Ayato-kun. And there I was actually intending to give you this, but I guess you don’t need it anymore.

Bye bye~!

Ayato: Wait… What’s that thing in your hand?

Laito: What you ask? Nfu, it’s gingerbread syrup, of course. I was able to get the last one today.

Ayato: Wha—! Oi, you better give it to me or else—

Laito: Or else what~?

Ayato: I’ll—… Nevermind.

Look, you know I’m not into cheesy stuff but Chichinashi really loves Christmas, okay? Getting that gingerbread syrup might make her happy ‘cause maybe it’d remind her of how she celebrated it with her pops. That’s why… I can’t believe I’m saying this but… give it to me, please!

Laito: Woah, it’s honesty hour, hm?

Well, whatever, I don’t really care about that gingerbread syrup anyway, so you can take it if you want to.

Ayato: Really? Gr—

Laito: You didn’t let me finish though. I will only give it to you, if you promise me something.

Ayato: Hah? What the hell is it this time!?

Laito: No need to get so worked up~. All you have to do is to ensure that Bitch-chan consumes at least one glass of syrup at the time you bring it to her.

Ayato: That’s it? Pfft, easiest task ever!

Wait… almost a bit too easy.

Oi you perv, you better not plan something behind Ore-sama’s back, understood?

Laito: Normally I would, but Christmas is just around the corner, right? Who would risk being added to the naughty list at the last minute, right?

— hands Ayato the gingerbread syrup—

Place: Living room

Ayato: Yui! Yui! I’m back and look what I found!!

Yui: Good job, Ayato-kun! Thank you so much for helping me!

Ayato: Now take a seat!

— forces her to sit down —

Yui: Eh? What’s happening?

Ayato: Nothing to worry about, just drink this!

— shoves glass of syrup down her throat —

Yui: Mmh…!!

(What on earth!? I can’t breathe—!)

— Yui swallows it —

Ayato: So~, how is it?

— Yui starts coughing —

Yui: It’s… it’s not as sweet as I remembered. This one is quite bitter.

Ayato: Bitter? Don’t spout nonsense, gingerbread can’t be bitter!

Yui: Yeah… thought so too… but..

(My head started spinning around…)

Ayato: Are you even paying attention to what I’m saying?

Yui: Uuh… Sorry, Ayato-kun, I’m suddenly feeling so dizzy…

Ayato: How—?

( The heck’s wrong with her? Is it ‘cause she swallowed that too fast or…? )

Yui: Ayato-kun…

Ayato: What’s it?

Yui: Has anyone ever told you before that you are… extremely cute?

Ayato: Hah!? I mean, yeah, but what’s up with the random confession?

Yui: Eh? Am I not allowed to compliment the most adorable boy in the whole wide world…?

Ayato: Huh—?

Yui: You see, when I look at you like that… you might not be very clear, yet I can’t help but want to protect you…

Ayato: Protect me? D-Don’t say shit like that, it should be the other way around! After all, Ore-sama is the stron—!

(She pinned me down!?)

Yui: Fufu, you’re just so funny when you praise yourself like that…!

Everything about you is so beautiful… your hard yet nicely textured hair, your jade green eyes, your long eyelashes, your ——

Ayato: Tsk, get off me!

— pushes her away —

— Yui falls down —

Yui: Ngh…!

Ayato: …!

Oi! I… I didn’t mean to! Wait, gimme your hand!

— Yui takes his hand and looks up —

Ayato: (Don’t tell me… did that push bring her back to normal? Heh, if that’s so then—)

Yui: Mistletoe…

— puts her hands on his cheeks —

Yui: Holding your face like this makes me realize how soft your cheeks are… They are so round that I wish I could give you more and more Takoyaki until they become even chubbier…!

Ayato: S-Say what—!?

( It’s not like I dislike cheeky women but she’s nuts! )

— Yui gets closer to his lips —

Ayato: …!

*Smooch*

Laito: Fufu, hahaha, look at your face!

Ayato: Oi, Laito! Don’t just stand there staring, help me!

*Smooch*

Laito: Now why would I? After all, I already did you a favor by giving you the gingerbread liquor~!

Ayato: But you— Did you just say gingerbread LIQUOR!?

*Smooch*

Laito: Ex-act-ly! I was simply curious to see what kind of ‘drunk’ Bitch-chan is, and it seems like she’s the honest and horny type.

— takes picture —

Ayato: O-Oi! Don’t you dare to send it to anyone, delete it right now!

Laito: Oh my, look at the time! Now excuse me but I have to take my leave~.

Ayato: You can’t! Save me first!

Laito: Sorry Ayato-kun, no matter how delicious it feels watching you on top of each other while making out in plain sight, I've got better things to do, so... nfu, enjoy while it lasts!

— winks and disappears —

Ayato: You… You bastard! You will pay for this, I swear you wi— Mmh… Mm!

( Now how will I get myself out of THIS situation!? )

( Ugh, that’s what happens when you try helping others. I should have learnt my lesson a long time ago! )

— Yui stops kissing —

Yui: Will Ayato-kun… suck my blood?

Ayato: …!

( Heh, suddenly this doesn’t seem half bad anymore. I might actually grow to like being desired like that~. )

[fyodors-husband]

Hihi! Can i request some Verlaine sfw and nsfw hcs??? I hope you have a good day!!!

ANON I LOVE YOU.

(Also I assumed you meant x reader so i made them that way, i can make another if it's general hcs!)

Thank you so much for giving me a chance and reason to write for him 💜 he's my favorite!

I hope you have an amazing day aswell!

Also, I apologize if you've been waiting a long time for me to answer I've been less active since my semester is just ending now, but over the summer I'll be much better!

Anyways, here's NSFW and SFW Paul Verlaine HCs!

CW: smut, Very very very slight OOC (we don't mischaratarize verlaine here), stormbringer spoilers, no beta we die like the flags (I'm sorry 😭)

°~•~○~°~•~○_FLUFF BELOW THE CUT_○~•~°~○~•~°

Verlaine is a very clingy lover, some might even say possessive, the thing about him though is he dosent want to control you

He loves you alot and he feels that your the only person who loves him, so he dosent want to loose you

But he also wants you all to himself, know what I mean?

during, and post stormbringer, he's a spy (post he's in the pm basement but still a spy)

So he's probably got money, and once of his love languages is definitely giving gifts

Another is acts of service. Definitely

Hes not to good at showing his affections for you, so he'll do things for you and buy things for you to try and make up for that

If you knew him pre / during strombringer, you'd be able to see how he's changed between during / post, especially pre / post rimbaud incident (death) and he'd honestly be so grateful that you still love him after all of that

Hed be insecure though, that you'd leave him, please reassure him you do love him alot

Hes definitely a fan of cuddling / snuggling up to you (after a while)

He wouldn't be very open to touch in the start of the relationship (maybe holding hands)

But as he comes to trust you and realize you do actually love him he's alot more fond of touching you and maybe even some PDA

Takes you on the fanciest dates, anywhere you want to go, to the most high-end restraints definitely (he'll have a subordinate get it for you and take it in if he can't leave the basement)

Flowers, lots of flowers, one of thoose guys who keeps one for himself so he knows when he needs to get you new ones

°~•~○~°~•~○_NSFW BELOW THE CUT_○~•~°~○~•~°

Switch.

Definitely takes him alot of time to be comfortable enough to trust you with something like actual sex

Within the first few months you've had your first kiss and cuddled

After the six month mark you've most likely made out, but never done anything more

Possibly he'd service you but he's also nervous

Hes not a virgin per say, he definitely has experience, just not alot

When he finally comes around you will not regret waiting

So soft and gentle with you the first time, checking to make sure everything is okay, the most considerate lover

Hes take it very slow at first, especially your first time together, finding out what you like and what you dont and what he can and can't do

After all the foreplay and that, he could get a little rough, not on purpose because he'd never want to hurt you, (without previous discussion) and as soon as you tell him to slow down or stop he would

After the first time, you two talk about what you do and don't like and he's very respectful of it

If you like to be degraded, he'd most likely only say a little bit, he dosent want to hurt your feelings or mentality by accident

he's a hand holder during sex, or some part, he has to be holding onto you all the time atleast on one spot

Scared you'll disappear honestly

If you want to top him, he'd take some time to come around as that's a whole new level of trust but it wouldn't take him as long as it did to agree to sex

Maybe a week or two at most

If you do top him please be gentle, very into soft making love more than rough fucking

Don't degrade him he will cry :(

very very into praise, tell him how good he's doing and how pretty he is, he'll melt (and probably still cry, but not in a bad way)

Will absolutely die if you show any concern for him if he winces or groans, wouldn't think you cared that much about him

He still holds onto you even when he's on the bottom, wraps his arms around your neck

The position is definitely tame at first, he wants to always be facing you aswell, whether he's top or bottom, to make sure your okay and if you two can keep going

He miiiiight be open to positions where he isn't facing you but again, takes a couple weeks

Afterwards very clingy, dosent want to get up or clean up, just wants to lay and hold you

Basically no pillow talk, only because, as i said, not very experienced so he falls asleep quickly

[p1xiemeat]

Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

[distortedataraxia]

"Life isn't just about fun."

Y/n x sk8 the infinity (platonic)

wordcount : 14,587

Type : one-shot

Warnings : mention of hospital accident, school related bad memories (?) swearing/cursing, negative thoughts, and i think that's about it!

Author note : Hi! It's been really long since i posted, i wanted to challenge myself to write something way longer than usual, and i've been pretty down in the dumps so it's hard staying active. I'll get to your requests soon, i'm sorry it always take so many months for me to catch up to them! I hope you'll appreciate it nontheless, it's the first time i write a one-shot so long, don't hesitate to send in a few advices if you want! I hope this isn't too much out of character and that y/n can be relatable. It's not easy writing a relatable y/n. I tried to have a moment for each characters but kinda failed, i hope that's okay and that i can write each of them better overtime! Well, now that's out of the way, i hope you enjoy! ★take care ★

The summer holidays have been good, despites the overwhelming heat making you sweat to your heart content.

You could handle the heat with your friends around you while making sure to stay dehydrated, really, whenever you went to see your friend weither it was to eat at a restaurant, harass shadow, skate around random places, try new tricks, race at S, discuss about skateboards and make skateboards : you could rarely every worry about the heat. It's like the heat never existed in the first place, but of course, as soon as you get home you will inevitably notice a shower is reallly necessary if you don't want to turn into a glue stick human form of thing just by sweating.

Time really does fly by when i'm around my friends.. you think to yourself, the summer holidays are coming to an end very soon..

And every nights i feel it.

This is going to be a long night for you, a very long night.

There is no better feeling than staring at a wall with closed eyes. If that makes senses.

In fact, you couldn't really sleep, you kept waking up every 2 hours, scared of missing your alarms, afterall you'd be bummed out if you were to miss your first day of school. It's not that you enjoy going to school at all, it's just that if you'd miss the first day of school you'd probably get into troubles with your parents, and you'd feel double lost at school, which isn't so cool to be honest.

So you kept trying to sleep, rolling around in your bed to try to find a comfortable position, and… stay here until you stop crying. Because yes, tears were leaving your eyes right at that moment, your eyes were burning and your head was hurting and it was hard to sleep. Breathing was a bit troublesome, it might seem dramatic, but you still felt all of these wandering emotions anyway.

You had some fears concerning school, or a lot of fears. You remembered all the bad years you spent, having to complete your homework in time and stay good enough to your teachers and parents no matter what, forcing yourself to try to even listen to the teachers' lesson and remember it, having to suck up all the weird looks from your classmates whenever you answered something dumb or did something weird from their point of view, while you had to look unaffected whenever the teacher or your classmates said something dumb… School wasn't a place where you could be yourself, it wasn't a place where you could express your opinion, it's not a place in which you're ever good enough, not a place where you feel able to develop any sort of potential if you had any, and it's not a place in which you had fun at, if anything, all the bad years at school were just taking colors away from life, a lot of colors. The endless homework to finish at night wasn't so pleasant aswell, you could remember the allnighter or allnighters to catch up on your homework or lessons. Hours of class felt more like a black hole sucking up all of your energy, what was the use of having energy and going through the day if you're going to do this your whole life? Was something you thought more than once or twice.

What if it happens all over again?

You really hopped to stay in the same class as Reki and Langa this year, but it wasn't for sure, you guys could be picked to be in different classes for all you know, why do you have to even change classes every years? It's a breeze when your class sucks but not when your class is actually somehow not that bad. And what about all the new people?

When you weren't in their class, you could recall zoning out more, dissociating more. Strangely enough, they usually seperate people from their friends so that they focus on the class, but you're more prone to focus if your friends are here, let alone, if they ask for your help with any homework, you feel a kind of responsability and a will to help, so your grades uncounsciously got better so that you could help out Reki who's being late on classes because he's staying up late to skate at S and barely listening at class, so you could also help out Langa who's having struggles taking notes and understanding everything, because even if he spoke japanese, he still had a hard time to adapt. But even if your grades were to be lower or not different, it felt way better when you were willing to work for it not just to not get in troubles, but also to help your friends. Maybe it wasn't entirely for you in that case, but it already felt better.

But whenever you mess up and feel unable to help, it feels bad. You actually had a bad dream once in which messing up continuously during group projects with your friends led them to burst into tears because it was really too much.

There's just, a lot of things to worry about. You have to study about your future, you can't just skate all day long and have fun with your friends, and they'll be fine without you, life isn't like that, it's not just about fun…

Ah…

You stared blankly at your arm.

You absolutely dreaded this day. School for you was like a survival game, you'd play, try not to fail and lose just like you'd go to school everyday and try to keep everything up to just not fall apart.

Well, to be honest, last school year was a bit more manageable with Reki and Langa around, surprisingly enough, they made your days at school usually less boring, and if the all three of you guys were unhappy or not doing good, you could complain together ; About the teacher's teaching methods, the way this or that spoke to you, the way you got caught watching skating videos instead of reading-

You could really cool down a bit with them around, things were way less stressful than they could have been. And somehow you felt more productive with less pressure felt.

So, in the end, maybe it wasn't that bad, you could get to spend more time with Reki and Langa, and you wouldn't have to die to the summer heat.

Or maybe not, maybe you won't end up in the same class, maybe you won't feel brave enough to sneak your phone between your pages to pretend to read anymore, maybe you won't be in a good class, maybe you'll get picked on by your classmates and maybe-

afterall, it is true that you could spend much more time with Reki, Langa AND your other friends outside of school, if they weren't on vacations without you that is. School can be a real seperation factor for friends, and it sucks, it can be very isolating.

But school is important, nontheless.

I think.

Are the all-nighters productive? Are they healthy? The stress, the social fears, just… everything overall that comes from school, except the time you spend with Reki and Langa and the rare lessons where you learn something that is actually helpful for you.

Probably not.

You've tried not to think about it, but really, the more time passes, the less you're able to sleep well or spend your days without worrying as to weither or not you're making the best of the summer holidays, without feeling guilty for doing nothing when the heat is killing you or you're tired. Time is so scary, the meaninfgul times fade away so fast, and you lose so much occasions on making the best of your life, time always gets you.

Finally, the morning came, you could hear the birds sing, the sun was shining through the curtains, making you regret ever opening your eyes who were now burning at the burning source of light, you wanted to hide under your pillow and blankets and never see the light again. Why get up when you can just sleep ? Your alarm rang, it gave you a headache, a headache that'll follow you probably all day long, you had to get up now. Goodbye to the everyday without worrying of what's coming next day. What a life.

I mean, everyone has to work or go to school, it's society, it's just life, there's nothing to complain about, be grateful that you have it easier than some people. Or even, most people.

Besides, you still have Reki and Langa right? It'll be okay, right? Even if you don't end up in the same class, you could look up to every ends of the days to skate together and every mornings to skate together, same for the free time.

That is, if your schedules aren't too different and if you even have the energy to skate and hang with your friends, you could remember days in which as soon as you'd get home, you'd fall to your bed, fall asleep and skip dinner, only to have to catch up on your homework in another stressful morning and find something to eat in the fridge your family emptied the night before.

School is back. Holidays were great, but everything came to an end. Nothing ever last forever, does it ?

You yawned and tried to stretch yourself to wake up but your eyes were shutting tight, your every single thoughts begged you to fall back asleep and rebel agaisnt whatever keeped you awake, before you knew it, 5 minutes already passed. If you wouldn't have put multiple alarms to wake you up every minutes, the amount of time in which you were late would have greatly multiplied, by ten maybe, well, if you were never late because of that ; that's because you skated very fast to school or ran. These alarms really pain you but they still save you, a great plenty of time, you probably would have been late right now without them. On the first day of school, your sleep schedule is not even set on time.

Be grateful.

You sit up and get up, feeling every ounce of your body wanting to fall down and just lie in the ground to sleep, you try your hardest to motivate yourself to get dressed, making a mess out of your wardrobe, you'd have to clean that later and put your clothes in order, or deal with it and have your parents scold you for it until next holidays, but really all the thoughts that came to your head were negative, you didn't even bother to think about your friends yet, you just wanted to sleep it off, sleep it off so much you wanted to cry, get away from reality. As you kept getting lost in your thoughts, your arm hits your wardrobe and furnitures.

Ouch. The hit was a bit brutal, you were stressed and you were scared. Your arm felt like it was burning, why did you have to get that arm hit and not the other? How lucky can you get? Is it a lack of luck or is it just your problem for not sleeping enough?

And before you know it, you already have to leave your house in 5 minutes. 5 fricking minutes, and you just got dressed.

Mornings were really fast, especially if you're as tired as you are right now. You could get up and leave your bed and you already have only 10 minutes left to somehow get dressed, eat, brush your teeth, check that everything is ready, make sure to use the toilets, wash your hands, and happily get out of the house with your skateboard to get to school! How you loved going to school every mornings!

Well, last year you could feel positive going to school most days, it's the year when you met Reki and Langa at, one of the most liveliest years of your life. But now that you know them, you rather spend time with them outside of school.

You were tired, completely tired, your heart was beating fast, so fast and hard it was hurting, like some sort of drums inside you, the bat would dum- dum- slap your heart out just to keep you awake. You could barely keep your eyes open, your hair was a mess, all you wanted to do was hide yourself under your blankets until the school year ends. You only want this to be a dream, it's just a bad dream, school never existed… Is hiding and denying all you're ever good at?

But maybe that's a bit harsh, isn't it ?

What a great start of the year, surely the year wouldn't go well if you kept that up.

You didn't have time to eat breakfast, or else you'd be late, so you started walking out of your room and you fought the stairs. Not literally don't worry, we respect stairs here

As you were about to step out of your house to get to school you receive a message on your phone on a groupchat. A groupchat between you, Reki and Langa.

"Y/n, we're waiting for you at our usual spot, where are you?? :("

You smiled, for a second there, you felt like summer holidays were still going on. You felt as if you had nothing to worry about. Your friends were really important to you, they held a special place in your heart. And they made you look forward to everyday, everyday felt more like a pleasant surprise with them around. Maybe just maybe, you don't have to worry about this school year.

Or maybe you do, maybe you do have to worry about this school year.

The messages having reminded you to take your skateboard, you grabbed your skateboard after turning off your phone, almost forgetting to take your skate, almost forgetting about how you got into skateboarding and almost forgetting the entire last year you've spent with Reki and Langa. Too busy overthinking about the past years before that one.

Maybe it was better to expect the worse to not have your hopes crushed, but would that make you happy?

You put your phone in your backpack, left the house, and pushed to get to your skateboard, trying to be careful of where you're riding despites your attention span being lower, trying to keep your foot well positionned and not accidentally press your back foot against the tail of your skateboard which would make you.. fall off if you press hard.

Skating was a bit harder this morning, the thought of school came back to you very soon and it drew out your motivation fast, very fast.

You were really tired so it was hard, but the thoughts of your friends cheered you up a bit, so you skated to your usual meeting spot, thinking about how Reki and Langa must be waiting for you right now. And soon enough, you recognized a shining red-head and a outstanding blue-head, you surely couldn't miss them by accident even if your vision was blurry, not a lot of people around there has had their hair dyed.

You wondered, would reki's head shine more with no hair or does it shine more with red hair?

They finally noticed you skating towards them, they turned to you, it seems like Reki was staring at his phone while Langa's head was peeking over his shoulder to see the screen. You waved at them and they waved back, you smiled instinctively, until you suddenly fell of your skateboard and rolled down the floor, making sure to protect your head while trying to keep your other arm safe. But you still hurt your arm, which is sadful.

"Ouchhh-" you yelped, usually you'd laugh whenever you fall of your skateboard, it was silly, you fell off because you kept your eyes on your friend and not the floor. You liked them just way too much. But you just didn't feel the energy in you to laugh, something just didn't click inside, you couldn't laugh. Maybe you're just grumpy because it's the morning, maybe you're just not in the mood. Whatever it was, you didn't feel the willpower to laugh it off as you usually do.

"Y/n !" Reki screamed running towards you "Don't be reckless, you hurt yourself at your last race ! " he crouched down to your level "here, let me help you" he took your arm and checked your bandages "did you even change them!? He asked frantically, eyes focused on your bandaged arm, as Langa walked towards you and caught your skateboard for you. —I forgot. you answered, in an honest and tired laugh, it was so hard getting even dressed in the morning that you forgot to check your bandages. —This can't be good.. The redhead sighed and looked at Langa Langa, pass me the bag Langa tossed him his bag over, hitting Reki in the face Ouch ! That wasn't cool Langa ! he complained —Sorry, i didn't mean to, are you hurt ? The blue haired boy panicked —No, i'm fine, anyways… Reki's hand searched for something in the bag Ah there it is ! He got his hands out of the bag and took out a disinfectant and some bandages Now let me check that."

Reki always had this sort of thing ready in his bag, as getting hurt is common when you skate.

He inspected your arm and your wrist, your bandages were getting red, he got rid of them to check your injuries "Oh they're healing faster than i thought, even though they should have already been healed, thank god they're still healing though. But you're bleeding." He smiled, almost motherly to you, making sure that you don't panick, the thought of reki as a mother was very funny to you as it crossed your mind, but the cursed images of reki being pregnant following your thoughts were more cursed than funny "I'm gonna have to use disinfectant, Just tell me if it hurts okay?" he uses the disinfectant carefully, you groaned in pain a bit but it was fine. "There we go." he then proceed to put some new bandages over your arm and wrist, and Langa complained " you never took this much care of me whenever i bled. —You never got really that injured, you only ever bled, it's nothing we all bleed from time to time when we skate. Reki tried to explain himself, still focused on your arm. —You let me faint. —Oh shut up, i panicked and ran to you for the record. —Like a prince in a shining armor ? you asked, randomly, Reki stopped bandaging your arm for a second, only a second, and then he continued bandaging your arm. —I wasn't charmed, I was already uncounscious. Langa argued —Are you falling in love with Reki or something Langa? You wanted to be charmed? You tried to tease him, Reki just finished bandaging your arm and jumped over to turn around and put the stuff back in his backpack, seeming a bit agitated and quick to hide his face, he then spoke —Don't say things like that y/n ! We're bros, nothing like that —I was speaking to Langa, not you. —Oh you get what i meant ! "

You didn't continue trying to tease them, this was largely enough and you enjoyed the way Reki was talking to you but turned away from you and Langa was just staring at the both of you completely zoned out, dumbfounded.

They were really fun to be around with. Your morning was already much less depressing, Reki really cared for you and Langa did too. You reallly hopped to be in the same class as them, even if you felt like a thirdwheel, you don't want classes schedules to disrupt your common routines.

For a moment there, it felt like you guys were already in the same class, but would that be too optimistic? Should you actually hope?

"So… Are you guys, perhaps… excited for school ?" you asked, curiously. They looked like they had much more energy than you, it's as if summer holidays never actually ended. Their face looked so bright, they seemed so happy and careless, as if summer never really ended. Reki and Langa looked at you curiously, finally, Reki spoke ;

"Definitely not. —Eh!? How can you have so much energy then!? I don't get you. —Personally, Langa speaks I'm excited whenever i can spend time with you or Reki, and school is important to me, i need to improve my japanese skills and understand how things work around there. Langa explained, honestly. —Right… Well, as long as i'm not a thirdwheel. —Don't even say that word, it makes me think about my final race with Adam. Reki groaned thinking about it, he acted like he was going to puke, Langa chuckled. —Was that race this bad? You were really good. —It was fun but.. I really don't enjoy skating against Adam and you know that Langa, i don't get you, you almost died when racing him down that crazy path last time ! —Oh, that's true. Langa recalled, having actually forgotten this detail —You really looked like you were falling mindlessly, you weren't even moving and then you suddenly moved and took your skateboard and won the race, what even got into you? You really scared me you know? I was worried. You both are crazy, you got injured last time too y/n Reki spoke, with a genuine troubled expression on his face. —Reki, you get injured much more than i do. You spoke, with a stern voice —The word fun saved me. Langa spoke, out of the blue, with full honesty in his voice —What? You mean the word fun we put on your fixed skateboard?"

Reki turned to Langa with a curious face. You looked at the time, you guys were already going to be late at this rate, you coughed "guys, we're going to be late." your tone was a bit harsh, but you really didn't want to be late.

"Oh crap! Langa, y/n, let's go ! " and there you guys went, skating to school, fast.

Your friends looked very energetic, it killed you that you couldn't be as energetic, honestly, it's been a few days or weeks since your energy drastically dropped to the thought of school, and you couldn't tell if your friends noticed, but you were afraid to be a burden to them. They were shining so bad, and you were starting to feel like you were staying in the dark, maybe you always were in the back afterall, but everytime, it seemed Reki, Langa or Miya found a way to cheer you up or make you feel like you belong.

Reki and Langa did a few ollies and some random tricks while you just cruised. It's crazy how they're late and still able to flex, have fun and pull up some tricks. Well, it was like this last year too.

You met Reki and Langa at school, and met your other friends at S, and these friendships really made your life much more brighter. Could it be constantly the case though? What if they were the one brightening up your days - but you weren't the one brightening up their days ? That thought hit you a bit inside, like a small bullet passing through your body, but slowly, and with barely enough pain, you felt a small wave of negative emotions, it hurts a bit, but you felt a bit empty, in a way.

You felt the air pass through your lungs, burning, as the cold air hits your face, and finally, you reached school. Somehow you made it despites the overwhelming feeling that the air is so heavy it'll crush your bones.

School is back. ~

You slid your skateboard behind your backpack and walked to your assigned classroom after the school announcement concerning the begginning of the year, you were not in the same class as Reki and Langa, of course.

That's not all that mattered though. Your grades mattered too.

You're not going to die by working a little and spend less time with your friends, come on. You could still spend time with them nontheless later.

Before you go, you exchanged a small wave in Reki and Langa's direction, they waved back; these two were in the same class it seemed. Maybe they were better without your grumpy-self though. They seemed much more happier than you were, were you just overthinking and dramatising everything?

You reached your classroom and when the teacher told you to, you sit down, taking the sit at the back, avoiding to talk to anyone. Why bother? Approaching people isn't on your to-do list at the moment.

The class was already loud and obnoxious, just like a circus. You paid no attention to the noises and as to avoid getting bothered by the noises, you stared at your desk and zoned out, thinking about all the times you went skating with your friends. It was the only thing you wanted to think about right now.

Despites your efforts to not be bothered by all these voices, you still heard a few people talk

"The manager of the fruit stand always sat and only sold vegetables —What!? You mean the fruit stand down your street ? —Yes, atleast the vegetables are cheap. So me and my mom always go there the saturday mornings. —I wouldn't buy my vegetables there if it was a fruit stand only selling vegetables…"

This random conversation you heard was completely unrelated to school, you sighed, but who were you to care? It seemed like people knew each other, you were probably going to end up alone this year, is it so bad though?

The teacher coughed and asked for everyone to be quiet, and the class continued talking. Why were you even here? This is supposed to be the first class, usually during the first classes people should be quiet, atleast on the first classes of the year. But who were you to talk? You can't lie, you really wished you could talk to Reki and Langa like this right now, but you guys aren't even in the same class.

Between all the talks you could hear, you heard another one, still completely unrelated to school, there was a brown-haired girl talking to a black haired boy, the girl looks cute you thought, the boy spoke : "Why do you LoOOooOOOoOve me Stanley? —I like your blue eyes. She replied as if it was a sufficient reason to like someone —Why did you only tell me now ? He stared at her with his PieRcIng BlUe EyEs —I didn't want any new girls stealing you away from me. Your classmate declared in full confidence —…Wow so possesive grrr~ He said before the two burst out laughing —You're so stupid the girl chuckled, a smile on her face —Stupid for you ? he asked, playfully "

And there you witnessed a newborn couple that was probably going to last a few days or weeks, on the first day of school.

Everyone didn't look like they cared about the first class. You wished you could not care aswell, but you cared, you cared a plenty lot, this was supposed to be important. You couldn't not care with all these anxious thoughts going on in your head.

Why can't i see? you thought to yourself, wondering why you couldn't see things the way your other classmates did. Everyone else seemed so much more happier than you did. Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you see things the way they see things? Why do you have to mess up so bad on this?

When you finally stopped your thoughts and snapped back to reality, you noticed the new couple stopped talking and were looking at you whispering some things. Shit, you stared too long. You quickly turned to look at your desk.

Finally, after some time the teacher managed to get the class to be silent, he presented himself, talked about how everything works this year, and asked everyone to present themselves one by one, to break the ice… apparently.

A girl on the left front beggined ; "My name is Mallory and i love riding horses on my free time. —You mean men? the boys snickered"

Long after that, it is finally your turn to present yourself.

"Uhm, i'm y/n.. and i love skating with my friends. —You have friends!? Someone random in the class exclamed themselves, even though they barely knew you for even an hour, some people laughed and the teacher told the class to be quiet"

It's crazy how people make assumptions on even people they never talked to and saw for only minutes of their lives. This is gonna be a long class, ice breaker wasn't really working out, was there even ice to break to begin with?

School is back, i guess. ~

The class ended, it's finally free time, you went to sit on your skateboard at the rooftop, the place you, Reki and Langa discussed going to if you were ever seperated at school and wanted to meet up. Eventually, Reki and Langa walked up to you.

The class was long, everyone was loud and judgemental, it was… definitely great.

"Hey, y/n" Langa spoke with a gentle voice "Wanna go skate in the playground ?" he asked and you looked at him, with a frown on your face "we're gonna get in troubles again, and i'm injured, for you to know." Langa insisted "But you still skated this morning despite your injury, and it could be fun, you seem down, come on come with us" he almost pleaded, you couldn't say no to him at this point, reki finally spoke "I mean it's your choice if you don't wanna skate i understand, but you're acting just like you were when we barely knew you, come cheer up a bit with us, won't ya ? If we get in troubles i'll take the blame if that reassures you." you looked at Reki, with a curious look on your face "How can you even take the blame for something like this ? —I don't know, I'll come up with something. Reki shrugged, you looked at the floor, a bit hesitant, but ended up saying —Fine fine. you saw the boys' eyes light up —Let's go then ! "

You stood up and took your skateboard with you.

You guys ended up skating at the corridors before reaching the playground, of course, a teacher was there and you ended up having to run away from a teacher with your skateboard in hands. You guys were caught as always and got in troubles, Reki did his best to put the blame on him but it didn't work out, now you three have to stay after school and help the janitors clean, atleast it's better that it's the three of you guys in troubles than only Reki. Ah, and the teachers took your skateboards, Reki literally groaned and Langa looked like he was going through all the stages of grief at that moment.

"Oops? Reki muttered under his breath when the teacher finally left you guys I hate cleaning He complained innocently —If it's with my friends i think it's okay, i help my mom clean the house most times. Langa said, looking as if he was recalling all the times he helped his mom with the laundry, the cooking and the overall house chores, as her husband died, Reki turned to you and spoke —Sorry, we didn't want to get you in troubles, we just thought you'd cheer up a bit since the first school day doesn't seem to be going well for you- —How was your class guys ? you asked out of nowhere, after having zoned out, cutting reki's speech off as if it was nothing —Huh!? Oh uh, i don't know, i didn't really pay attention, the window was more attractive. Reki answered, taken a bit off guard you didn't pay attention to what i was saying thou- —You mean the reflection of Langa next to you was more attractive? —How did you- i mean, no homo though. Reki scratched the back of his head, a bit embarassed, these two were so obvious, you stared at Langa, he seemed zoned out —Langa ? you called to him, he looked at you and then he said —I'm confused. —What are you even confused about ? Reki asked, with a nervous voice —I'm confused: when people ask me what's up, and I point, they groan."

You facepalmed.

"Dude?! When people ask you what's up they ask you how you are, not what's literally up ! Reki spoke, dumbfounded —Japanese is difficult. Langa remarked, thoughtful, looking at the ground —You mean english is difficult!? Reki retorted, remembering the many times Langa tried to teach him something in English —I guess any language can be difficult for anyone."

You were not participating in this conversation, staring in disbelief at Langa.

you zoned out, thinking about the way your new classmates were staring at you in class, and all the whispers you heard in your direction.

"say y/n, how was your class ? Reki turned to you, curious I mean, you're not in the same class as us and you asked us so.. —It was fine. "

Your answer was short and automatic, you know that tone and voice when you reply automatically and it's technically you talking but it doesn't feel like it's you - like you don't even think the words you say but somehow they leave your mouth as if they were the complete truth ? As if you had to answer this specific answer at all cost to protect yourself and act like it's the truth, so much you replied without thinking ? That's exactly how you felt when you spoke, and you hated it. You couldn't control it though, your brain decided it was best to lie.

And yeah, maybe it was best, Reki and Langa didn't have to know about anything, you didn't want to make them feel akward. I mean, it's always this way, whenever you feel the slightest bit down, everyone is always akward or replying "ah" or "oof" or "Sorry", it's as if what you said bothered them in a way, and you just didn't like it.

You noticed Reki and Langa exchanged a glance, did they notice your weird behaviour and caught on your lie or is it just a gay-type of glance ?

You continued talking, trying to sound convincing "I mean, the class was rather loud but it was pretty funny, there was this newborn couple and the guys joked around a lot-"

The bell rang, it was time to seperate again. Thanks god the bell interrupted you, because you didn't even know what you were saying. Still you didn't want to go back to the classroom, you wanted to stay with your friends.

"What? Already!? Reki complained, looking like he was going to be out of his mind if the bell rang one more time —Please focus this time Reki, instead of staring at me. Langa remarked, blankly, it took Reki off guard —I wasn't staring at you i was staring at me ! He defended himself, he put his arm over Langa's shoulder and tried to coonvince him I was staring at my hair because i thought about getting an haircut, you know ? You noticed sweats appear very fast on Reki's face —Right. Langa spoke, half-convinced You never changed your haircut in over a year, you only ever take your headband off when you're mad at me. —Let's go to class now, i need to tell you something. Reki changed the subject and started walking away, before turning to you and waving See you on the rooftop at lunch y/n ! "

You guys waved at each other, and you went back to your class. It was loud, once again, and you could hear a bunch of random conversations again, unamused.

"My uncle's favorite pastime was building cars out of noodles. —How do you even -"

"You know my favorite song? It kinda goes like this, tired of explaining, as these seasons keep on changing —Is this even Japanese…? —No it isn't."

"Which is greener, purple or red ? —Red is greener than purple, for sure. —Look at that color circle, purple is closer to green than red is ! —Does that even mean anything… Purple is made by blue and red, why wouldn't be red greener ? "

"What do these results on this quiz mean ? —You're like the peanut butter. The creator said so. —Wha- but i wanted to be a cheese! so that i could be cheesy with rome- —You're not always who you want to be."

The teacher eventually got the class to quiet down and called for everyone's names one by one to check weither they were present.

Your name wasn't pronounced, weird. But you paid no attention to it.

The teacher begun with an history lesson, a classmate raised his hand and asked something, he wondered why at 18 he was old enough to go to war, but not old enough to buy cigarettes.

You couldn't focus, your head was heavy, until eventually, you noticed the teacher was looking at you.

"Uhm, excuse me.. he called out to you, not pronouncing your name, he coughed, akwardly —Yes ? you asked, a bit taken off guards, were you going to get in troubles for not listening ? —What's your name ? He asked, a bit unsure of his question, staring at a paper, the class was looking at you —y/n l/n —Hm let me see… no you're not in this list. The teacher remarked Weird… What class are you supposed to be in ? —This class sir, it was written on the paper. you show the paper and the teacher examinates it, he looks embarassed —There must have been a mistake somewhere, maybe this is why Aoi haruka isn't here, let me contact my colleagues."

The class was silent, and after a few minutes, an adult came to the class to pick you up and lead you to your class, when you left the classroom, you could hear whispers in your directions, the adult apologized to you explaining your name got mixed up with someone else.

You walked with the adult, reaching another classroom. They knocked on the other classroom door and explained the situation to the other teacher.

"Please excuse me, we mixed up the names and got two students mixed up, i'm here to put y/n l/n here and take Aoi haruka to her actual class. —Oh uh, it's okay… Aoi haruka, please go, and uh.. y/n l/n, please go sit down"

The teacher looked a bit embarassed by this situation.

You entered the classroom, a bit nervous, everyone was looking at you, you looked at the whole classroom to search for a place to sit at, and saw a girl standing up with her backpack and stuff and leaving the classroom, it must have been Aoi Haruka. You looked at the seat, it was next to Langa.

You were in Reki and Langa's class in the end.

You could feel immense relief when you realized, and went to sit down next to Langa, Langa and Reki looked at you curiously, there's a paper on Langa's desk, there's sentences with a very good japanese writing on it next to bunch of badly written japanese sentences, Reki and Langa were probably passing notes about something, you could read a few words from the distance, but only a few, you managed to read your name and the words mission and lie.

What were they planning? When you think about it, what if they were talking behing your back like the other people who you thought were your classmates probably did ? You decided to shake it off, you were probably going too far. You want to trust Reki and Langa… Don't you? Aren't you a good friend?

…

Yeah.

Reki whispered something to Langa, and Langa then leaned his head towards you to whisper something to you.

"Reki asks what are you doing here —My name got mixed up with someone else, i was apparently supposed to be here"

Langa leaned his head back towards Reki and whispered to him what you said, Reki gave you a thumb up.

You smiled. Maybe you were luckier than you thought.

And maybe they weren't.

the class passed, it was way much better, the other class was kind of funny to be honest, but it was really tiring on the first day and they didn't seem to like you so, it's really better this way, and you get to be next to your friends.

But you need to focus on your school work don't you? You can't always hang out with your friends and have fun, life isn't like that, you need to work and be responsible. Be grateful you have it easier than other people, make the best of your school time because it will be harder once you start having a job.

Ah… right.

The teacher talked and you started taking notes, struggling because your wrist hurt, this is the wrist you usually write with, it's injured since your last race at S. Langa looked at you.

"Do you need any help ? he asked, with a calm expression on his face and a tint of worry —No it's okay, i rather not bother you, besides i can't even understand your writing. you whispered back, a bit harshly at the end, you internally slapped yourself for it. —L/n, is there anything you want to share with us ? The teacher spoke, looking at you, your classmates looked at you, you hated it —Uhm actually sir, their wrist is injured, so i was asking them if they needed help. Langa spoke instead of you —Thank you Langa but I was asking L/n to talk- —I CAN HELP ! reki raised his hand and exclaimed himself —Alright… Thank you for your enthusiasm Reki… the teacher replied, looking like he gave up at this moment —Sit next to me, y/n reki spoke —Ah yes… Langa, could you please exchange your desk with l/n's for the class from now on until their wrist heal ? —Yes. Langa moved and you guys switched desk, it looked like Langa was a bit sad to not be next to Reki anymore, but he was happy to be of help in any way —Thank you, Reki, Langa you mumbled, Reki smiled to you —It's nothing "

You got injured after a race at S a few days ago, you were racing Reki. You weren't doing so bad during the race until you thought that if you got injured maybe you wouldn't have to deal with school, and coincidentally, you lost balance, rolled down to the side, and hurt your arm and wrist. Reki was upset and worried and your skateboard continued rolling until it fell off a cliff and you never saw it ever again, but Reki had a spare skateboard for you, thankfully.

The class passed faster than the last class, Reki helped you and took notes for you, though he was pretending to take his notes about the lesson, his notes were mostly about skateboarding if anything, he looked more focused to help you though. Reki seemed kinder to you than usual, it's not that he's never kind, he's always been kind, but it felt a bit more insistant this time. ~ The bell rang, you put your stuff in your backpack and Reki helped you.

"Y/n" Langa spoke, you turned around to face him "yes ? —My stomach hurt. He said, Reki closed your backpack and walked up to him, concerned, he asked —Did you eat anything weird this morning ? Do you want to go to the infirmary ? —This morning, I ate a sock because people on the Internet told me to. You stared, blankly, trying to process the information, and Reki exclamed, in disbelief —What people on the internet !? Langa you can't listen to everything the people tell you to do, how did you even get yourself to eat a sock!? —It didn't taste good. —No kidding it didn't taste good! Langa look at me, did you swallow the whole sock ? —Yes. —So that's why you were having a hard time skateboarding earlier! "

To be honest, you didn't even notice this, but now you were worried for your friend, Langa. And you let Reki speak to him and explain to him that: no, eating a sock isn't safe.

Langa was really something, he was still skating better than you this morning even though he swallowed a whole sock, how did he not choke? ~ Long story short, he got drived to an hospital. For eating a sock. Because people on the internet told him to. Reki looked mad.

You were sitting on the rooftop with Reki, you both were silently eating.

"Langa really is reckless, he scares me"

Reki broke the silence.

You contested : "I don't think he's scary —That's not what i meant, but i mean, sometimes i literally have nightmares because of him, he can't go on and accept every challenges people offer him, i mean, the race with ADAM and now the sock? What's next is he going to mess with the FBI or something!? —I wouldn't even be surprised at this point.. you sighed —Right? I wonder what goes through his head, i mean, what's fun in eating a sock? —I don't even want to imagine. "

And there's a silence again. Until Reki broke it once again, looking at you with a stern look on his face.

"y/n, you won't be as reckless as him right ? —Huh? —I mean, last time you raced at S you got injured, we were racing, y'know… —Well hey, atleast you won ! You tried to reassure him —I want to skate with you but i don't want you to get injured, you know, and you just fell off so suddenly, it didn't even feel like it was an accident if i was honest You felt yourself internally panick, you didn't even know yourself if you did it on accident or on purpose. —No, don't worry it's just a silly little injury, it could have been worse. you tried to reassure him, Reki shouldn't be too worrieed about this, it's not like he never gets injured, he was injured for half of the memories you have had with him, he needs to think more of himself too. —Oka once told me, it's not bad to take care of yourself sometimes, you know ? his tone became a bit more stern —What do you mean ? —You don't look like you've been even sleeping at all y/n, and for the record, your injury was supposed to be healed by now, but you keep using your injured arm and your body is not getting enough rest, i'm worried that you'll actually make it worse."

You stayed quiet at his words, Reki sighed.

"y/n, please take care of yourself, i really don't want to lose you too"

you remembered him telling you about his old friend, you felt bad for even thinking for a second that maybe Reki didn't care about you, but now you needed to think of a way to reassure Reki, this was your fault for being reckless. You smiled and said "Hey hey, i swear it's going to be okay, i'm not being merely as reckless as you or Langa are sometimes " you joked and added "I never raced ADAM"

Reki looked at you with a silly angry face "Well it doesn't mean you can go around and make your injuries worse! You don't want to have to quit skateboarding do you? —Oh, come on it's just an arm —Just an arm!?"

You finished your lunch, and as you were about to get up while Reki was scolding you relentlessly about your injury, you tried to grab for your skateboard, and cut Reki's scolding off "Let's get our mind off of it and skate- —Our skateboards got taken away, y/n —Right"

You sighed, it felt empty without Langa. You felt silly for asking to skate into the school's grounds when you were the one refusing it this morning when Langa asked.

Did it ever feel this way when you were gone?

It felt empty even though Reki was still as lively as ever. If Langa was there though, you knew you wouldn't have been able to escape Reki's scolding, he's been pretty insistent for you to take care of yourself since that injury.

"Thinking about Langa, I hope he's doing okay…" you thought out loud, Reki nodded

Reki looked more quiet than usual, he was still talkative but less, it seemed he was thinking about something. No wonder why though, one of his bestfriends was in a hospital.

Well, bestfriend, that's understimating what the both of them really are. They have one hell of a bond. Even you can notice; their eyes contacts are everything. Even If they aren't romantic, they are still much more than bestfriends in ways words can't describe.

He got up and smiled "Well If It's Langa we have nothing to worry about, he always gets out of troubles somehow"

you nodded, chuckling a bit. It's true, Langa always get out of troubles.

The bell rang, you walked to your classroom together. You sat next to Reki, feeling weird that the seat next to you was empty, you missed Langa already.

The class passed, and when it ended it looked like Reki has fallen asleep while he was trying to take notes for you, but you were too zoned out to even notice.

A voice snapped you back to reality though.

"Just because the water is red doesn't mean you can't drink it… Langa what are you even talking about"

It was Reki's, you looked at him, confused, he was actually awake? You stood up and put your stuff back in your backpack, ignoring the burning pain in your arm.

"What do you mean? " you asked, before realising he has fallen back asleep. Reki is one to talk in his sleep afterall, he always does, you could still remember the day he woke up, stood up from his desk and screamed for Langa's name loudly in utter panick in front of the whole class when he was worried about his race with ADAM. You could also remember staying up with Langa when you guys were having a sleepover, just to hear what Reki would say in his sleep, there were no boring nights with Reki even when he was asleep, he was full of surprises, just like Langa, in a way.

"Reki?" you put your hand on his shoulder, he jumped and screamed "AH ?!!" you gestured for him to calm down. ~ Finally, the school day ended, more silently. You were in front of the school, Reki told you to wait here, you knew you had to stay one hour after class anyways to help the janitors clean, so it didn't reallly matter much.

"What are we even waiting for Reki? The teachers are waiting for us. —Just wait"

You stayed silent, until you noticed Miya walking up to you "hey slimes, so are we gonna go get the skateboards or what? You better pay me back after that. *You stared, confused, before turning to face Reki. —Reki, what is this about? *Reki sighed* —Long story short y/n… I'll have the two of you conduct a prison break ! —Wait you don't mean- —We're going to get our skateboards back and get away from here ! Reki exclamed himself, proudly —And then he'll become my cat. Miya added, killing Reki's joy in just a sentence —Don't act smug it's just one day ! —Wanna make it two?"

you stared at them, surprised, Miya didn't bring his skateboard.

So you were going to get your skateboards back and Miya was going to take Langa's skateboard back.

And then you could break out of school.

You stared the ground, your face frowned, and you spoke "They'll call our parents for that —Oh don't worry, i've done this plenty of time with Langa, you just never got into that much troubles before —What? But- you whole lots of crazy!- —They always forget! Infact, when i tried to wait for them to give me back my skateboard, they always forgot, so we have to get these back ourselves before they damage our babies ! —Fair enough i guess.."

You didn't want to imagine Reki giving birth to a skateboard, so you just went along with his plan hoping he'd stop using the name "babies" for the skateboards. ~ You were out of school with your skateboard, at the small skatepark you and Langa usually go to, you could remember Langa practicing tic-tacs here.

You were sitting with Miya as Reki was skating around

Miya yelled at his new human pet " drop, you must! —On it!" Reki dropped down the ramp, and failed, miya snickered

"Wow, and i thought i promoted you to a a golem! —You did!? Reki sounded happy Also If i failed, that's Langa's fault! Reki complained, which led Miya to be confused, he asked —How so? —Today I heard something new and unmemorable. Langa literally swallowed a sock because people on the internet told him to, i can't focus! —He did what!? So that's why he couldn't go pick up his skateboard himself!? Miya looked heavily surprised, he stared at the ground, hiding his concern"

Reki started skating again and raised his voice "Yes, he never changes!" Reki was obviously shaking and struggling to keep his balance, he looked tired and stressed, damn, you hated to see him like this. You looked away from him for a bit, and looked at Miya.

"Miya, how was school ? you asked, curious —It was fine i guess, you ? —You know how people get pregnant around their belly? Well i get brain pregnant, it's like i'm giving birth to so many neurons i'm gonna explode"

Miya stared at you and questionned your sanity. You looked back to Reki who was skating, you decided to cheer him on "Never back down never what!? —Never give up! Reki screamed in enthusiasm, before he falls on his balls and scream in more pain —Are you okay!?"

Reki sat up and gave you a thumb up, before standing up, visibly in pain. You started to wonder if you should join him, he seemed to continue skating despite his struggles, and you were just watching him with Miya, not doing an effort at all.

You can be such a burden sometime, you're almost certain being looked at this way while you're struggling must not feel cool. You remember being scared of people's looks when you started skating.

Reki went up to you, and asked you

"Hey, so y/n how are you feelin- —Meow for me, slime. Miya cut him off and Reki meowed, embarassed and annoyed, you laughed That's a good cat. Miya commented before Reki said —Oh shut it Miya, if we have a beef one day i'll make sure you regret that"

You looked at your phone and noticed that you had a message on a groupchat with Reki, Langa, Miya, Joe, Cherry and Shadow.

…You have a lot of groupchats. Like one that excludes Joe just for Cherry, and one to exclude Cherry just for Joe.

Shadow : " I'm racing a rookie tonight ! Watch me blow them off at midnight ! scary laughter "

It's scary how he used the scary laughters seriously as if he was talking to bots and roleplaying

Cherry : "I'll pass"

Reki looked at your screen, before saying "maybe we should go to Joe's… —Hm? you turned your head to face Reki, he seemed thoughtful. He turned to Miya and said —Miya, let's- —Call me master and meow. —Frick you! —It's apart of the deal —Fine- Master, let's go to Joe's meow —There there that's better. Miya pet Reki's hair and Reki looked like he was trying his best to compose himself, you tried not to laugh —Who's paying ? you asked —My cat is paying. —I didn't even- but yes that's true"

a few seconds passed, before Reki screamed

"WAIT I FORGOT I HAD A JOB !"

Your eyes widened, and you all skated to Reki's workplace, Reki apologized and you volunteered to replace Langa since he was unavailable tonight, since he… ate a sock. Miya was playing on his console while you two were working, you were pretty much zoned out and it looked like Reki would talk mostly to Miya anyways, you were zoned out but you could hear him complain whenever Miya told him to act like a cat, some things about this being inadequate at a workplace.

~ Finally, after that, you guys skated to Joe's restaurant, it seemed the restaurant was still open and Joe was waiting for you, Shadow and Cherry were all here, they seemed to know you'd come. Maybe Miya or Reki texted them to come.

You guys ordered some meals, and Shadow tried to steal Joe's kitchen to cook instead and show his great cooking skills, he wanted to cook you waffles or something… somehow, with his secret recipe. For shadow, excitement replaced fear until the final moment where Joe was able to stop him from using the kitchen furthermore.

Waffles are always better without fire ants and fleas, afterall. (This is an Italian restaurant).

It seemed the restaurant was originally closed but Joe made an exception for all of you because Reki convinced him to.

You were sitting near the window next to Miya, facing Reki. You asked : "So, what are we doing here Reki ? —I wanted to pass some quality time with my friends, you know.. eheh He looked like he was hiding something —That is your friend ? Miya pointed to Shadow which Shadow immediately noticed —Hey! I'm not your teacher or anything! Shadow raged, and Miya shrugged —You could have just invited everyone except Shadow on the groupchat excluding Shadow. Miya said, indifferent, playing on his console —WHAT GROUPCHAT?? Shadow yelled, before Joe told him to quiet down"

you stared at the table, a few moments later, Joe handed you guys over a few plates of food, as you guys ordered. Cherry was sitting next to Reki.

Shadow was renting, something along the lines "My dentist tells me that chewing bricks is very bad for your teeth. But no bricks can hurt my teeth behind this mask! I'm a true man!" you couldn't really understand what he was even saying, too zoned out to even try to understand. If Langa was here, he'd have been very happy to eat all of the restaurant's leftovers. You heard miya tells shadow "Well good for you idiot, just tell me if you want me to call a mental hospital for you"

You were happy you were all together, but you couldn't help but think about tomorrow's school day, you were definitely going to be even more tired than you were today tomorrow.

Joe kicked Shadow out of the restaurant for being a menace to his kitchen in the end as Shadow continued to try going back to the kitchen of the restaurant.

The first school day was tiresome, even if you were in Reki and Langa's classroom, you felt a sort of stress concerning your future, you didn't want to mess your life up. Life isn't just about fun…

Miya nudged your shoulder to get you to listen to whatever they're talking about, and he spoke "Thank god Joe was able to get Shadow out of his kitchen, if Joe ever lets Shadow cooks for us, I won't think twice i'll go : bye-bye-bye —This feels familliar you spoke, the way he said the end of his sentence looked like a song, strange.. —What does? Miya asked —Oh- nothing, nothing."

You stared at your plate and ate a bit, you were slow though. Reki was silent, after some time, Cherry spoke.

" Today I discovered something i never knew about carla before. —Which is ? Joe asks —Nothing. —If you want everyone to have a conversation so bad, atleast come up with something more creative."

the room was silent, Joe and Cherry wouldn't even speak, Reki looked at Joe, with pleading eyes, you were confused. Joe sighed and speaked:

"Say y/n, are you going to S tonight? —Uhm… You thought, S was really fun, and you really didn't wanna go to school and all, maybe you could just go to S and call it your life cheatcode- —I don't advice you to If you're still injured. Cherry said, glancing at your arm —I'm fine guys, i swear —You're not going to race anyone though, right ? Reki asked, looking concerned —Well actually i was thinking about it. you admitted, Reki looked at you with a face of despair and Miya spoke —You're so reckless y/n. —Y/n! please don't hurt yourself! Reki pleaded —It's no use Reki, they don't understand you… —What do you mean they don't understand me!?? —They zoned out again" ~ Long story short, the group convinced you not to go to S tonight, and Reki ended up convincing you to sleep at his place tonight for a sleepover so that you wouldn't be alone in skipping S tonight, but also to be sure you don't go there. He already sneaked to S without his friends knowing before, and he doesn't want you to do that too.

You walked out of the restaurant with Reki, Miya already went home, Cherry already left, and Joe had to clean after you. You already texted your parents that you would be on a sleepover with Reki tonight, you also mentionned that Langa would be there so that they wouldn't ask too many questions, even though Langa wasn't here.

"What a long day" Reki stretched, and looked at you "Let's go"

You both started skating, until it started raining, your skateboard wasn't set for rain, shit.

"Shoot! Y/n this way ! " Reki called out to you, skating away, the rain was getting slowly, no, quickly heavier and heavier, and you ended up falling off, you got up and took your skateboard and ran, Reki was already far away.

Big thunder noises

Oh, there's a thunder. ~ You reached Reki's house, panting and barely breathing, covered in mud, barely standing on your own. He panicked and apologized a thousand times when he noticed you got even more hurt, he took you to his house quickly not wanting to let you get even colder, and he checked your injuries once again, this time, in his bathroom, just in case something was missing in his bag, he was sure to find whatever it could be in the bathroom.

The bathroom looked clean, it was a small room but sufficient, you sat on a chair, Reki opened his bag and a drawer, before checking your arm first, your wounds visbly opened again as your bandages were red. How amazing. Reki probably didn't like seeing your bandages being red so often.

"Damn, now this must be my fault this time. Reki mumbled, as he got rid of your bloodied bandages and pulled up a disinfectant Thanks god the wounds aren't that big, you could have ended up in the hospital like Langa, because of me… —Hey, no, we're fine, we didn't predict the weather."

Reki seemed distant as he stared at your arm, he mumbled something inaudible. He was zoning out while lightly using the disinfectant, you didn't like this. So you spoke.

"You're not a god, you know. —And you're not either, so stop being so reckless will ya? He retorted, unhappy —Say the one who was blaming himself a few minutes ago! You didn't want to let this slide, Reki was done changing your bandages, and he spoke while putting back the bandages supplies into their places —I'm not blaming you! I'm just, well, worried for you you know! —There's no reasons to be. You stared at the ground, ready to deny everything, Reki spoke, almost reading your mind —Where else are you hurt? —Nowhere! You tried to stand up but your legs gave up pretty easily Agh- You almost fell but Reki caught you, some of the dirt of your clothes got to him, you both were still dripping wet, and you were covered in mud, it was a bit awkward, but Reki was there for you, he was like a brother to you —Hold into me, where does it hurt? —My knees —Shit "

Reki cursed and slowly had you sitting back in the chair, telling you to not move and not be reckless.

You and Reki held something in common, you both were pretty stubborn when it came to being fine.

Right now, Reki looked lost in thoughts as he checked your knees, and as he suspected, your knees were hurt, but it didn't look too bad yet, he sighed and looked at you in the eyes "We're going to get that checked tomorrow if it doesn't get better, okay? —Okay..? You sounded hesitant, as if it was weird for him to care about you,but it's not supposed to be —So you can't stand? —Actually yes I can! you tried to let go of Reki's grip, but you held into the chair instead, Reki sighed —Alright, uhm, you're covered in mud, do you want to take a bath? I have some spare clothes for you if you want? He politely asked, feeling bad that he let you get hurt like this —I mean, yeah alright you replied, not knowing why you could possibly say no, being covered in mud really wasn't pleasant"

This isn't the first time something like this happened, you smiled, this is why Reki always had spare clothes just in case, because you can recall the three of you getting all muddy so many times, and you guys would usually have sleepovers at Reki's house more than anyone's house. You knew what was going to happen was that you would take a bath, and then Reki would do so too when you leave the bathroom, clean and changed and as you go get your other clothes cleaned.

You might catch a pretty bad cold tomorrow. ~ After you took a bath and put on the spare clothes that were ready for you, you ended up in the living room, desperately holding into whatever you could hold into, you were told to sit down and not exhaust yourself. But to be honest, you uncounsciously wanted to exhaust yourself, so maybe you could ghost through the whole year, was it selfish? It's just the first day…

The family was really loud and lively, even at night, you recalled that it was often like this whenever you had a sleepover with Langa at Reki's house.

It's weird that Langa isn't here… It feels so empty even with all of the noises going on, Reki must be feeling stressed out. Just as he showed at the skatepark earlier, barely able to keep balance on his skateboard.

You heard one of Reki's sibling, try to tell a story to another sibling, something along the lines of "The llama couldn't resist trying the lemonade…", It felt very silly.

The atmosphere was warm, you sure never get lonely in here, this place is full of life. It was such a warm and fuzzy atmosphere, you couldn't help but smile a bit. Though the noises gave you a headache. Surprisingly enough, it still wasn't too late for Reki's siblings to be awake, somehow. Well, it's true that Reki's mother was desperately trying to calm the siblings down and get them to sleep, you were in the living room, your backpack out, you already had homework on the first day of school, and you could barely focus.

After some time, Reki came downstairs, he seemed to have cleaned himself up and changed himself faster than you did, he walked towards you and sat next to you, opening his backpack aswell.

You both tried to focus with the awkward silence going on between you, it was funny because no one could hear the silence as the house was really loud, but you could still feel it.

After some time, Reki scratched his hair, stretched and sighed "Man, I didn't listen to a single word the teachers said today —You didn't? —You did? —Yes, I mean… you hesitated, you mostly remember having negative thoughts about yourself today, you looked down at your paper I don't really remember anything…"

You felt Reki's gaze on you, you didn't know if it was a thoughtful look, a mocking look, a look of disbelief, or a look of concern, you didn't dare to move your head to know, sometimes it's better not to know, so you tried to focus on the printed writing of your paper.

"Is this history? you asked, Reki gulped —I thought it was maths —But there are centuries on the paper —True… But you have to calculate the centuries right? —Reki…"

You sighed, this was getting nowhere, you were barely reading. Mostly reading with your own eyes but not your brain, a simple sentence was like a treasure hint, each simple little words just wouldn't reunite or make sense in your brain. At that exact moment you just wanted to spend time with Reki, you didn't want to work, it was selfish, yes, but you couldn't help it, you didn't want to drag Reki into troubles though. You knew you were tired, but if you slept right now, you knew that you'd still be unable to work the next morning, it stressed you out, you didn't want to mess up on the second day of school aswell. You couldn't let all these bad feelings stop you, you didn't want to make yourself up excuses not to work, you felt like it was your fault, like you were the one who uncounsciously made yourself feel bad to have an excuse to work less and feel better about yourself. Though it was doing the opposite, and maybe you weren't right about this.

Thoughts were spinning around inside your head as your eyes focused on the sheet of paper and your textbook, you were completely zoning out.

How are you going to do this? How are you going to handle all of this? You messed up, all you had to do was not overthink it and here you already tired yourself out for a whole period, and you're dragging Reki into it aren't you? How stupid can you be? This is important, school is important, you can't just ignore that, it's not all just about fun. Why would it be?

"Y/n" *Reki called your name, looking at you "Hey, Y/n" *he insisted, you shook your head as your eyes widened, you stopped your trail of thoughts* "Yes ?" you tried to hold in your tears, but instead, you yawned, which got a few tears out of your eyes anyway, you whipped those tears away: you were just tired, that was all. Why else would have tears left your eyes? You're tired, nothing more. It was just one or two tears, a natural reaction from yawning, isn't it?

That is, before you realized it, the tears didn't stop leaving your eyes, it wasn't caused by just the yawning, you couldn't control yourself and your thoughts right now. Reki panicked, "Woah y/n! Hey please don't cry uhm-" you hid your face. when you realized.

Fuck, this wasn't the time to be dramatic, your other bestfriend was in the hospital, and all you could think about was yourself. How selfish can you be? Why are you ruining everything?

You weren't looking at Reki but even you could hear his panic, you tried to wipe away your tears and to calm down, it wasn't working out. Reki spoke, trying to be reassuring and comforting "hey, hey, it's okay- it's going to be okay, look at me- Well it's okay if you don't want to look at me, do you want to talk about it? What's up? —It's nothing, I'm just tired you said, your voice was shaking, you couldn't even make your voice sound normal, Reki's siblings were staring at you, great, you're making a scene now. —Is this the school stressing you out again? He asked, you stayed silent and your eyes widened a bit as you stared at the ground, Reki put an hesitant hand on your shoulder and spoke —Hey, it's okay, we're in classes of 30 people, they never check our work- —But I can't mess up you cut him off School's important, life isn't about just fun, work exist too Reki stayed silent for a second, before saying —Hey, I have fun at work you know —Huh? But this is a part time job!- —Does it matter? "

You paused, questioning your life's choices, Reki continued

"Hey, let me show you something" He stood up and led you an hand, you got up and he helped you walk, you guys walked toward the place he usually goes to to work on his skateboards in his garden, it seemed it stopped raining a while ago, probably while you were trying to focus on your work.

"Remember this place?" He asked, you nodded. Of course you can't forget, Reki made you multiple skateboards for free here, it was loud hearing the machines sometimes, but you can never forget a place with such fond memories.

Reki walked and grabbed a piece of wood "your skateboard got wet right? It needs to dry, this can last months, so to wait, i can make you another skateboard before this one breaks" he said, taking the usual measurements of the wood and tracing some lines, you were confused, weren't you guys talking about school and work just now? Why is he suddenly talking about skateboards again? I mean, atleast he was really passionate about it…

You stared at him, a bit dumbfounded, as he work, and you asked, before he turns on that godamn machine that had your ears dying on spot.

"Why are you doing this? —Well, because, if i let you skateboardless and dying to the stress of school, what will i think of myself for letting you down like this? —You're never letting me down, and, as I've said, life isn't about just fun anyway- —But it can be. Why torture yourself? He turned on the machine to cut the wood, making sure to follow the lines he traced precisely, communicating would be harder now, you had to raise your voice —It's not that simple! —Pick some trucks and some wheels"

Welp, there it is, Reki was being stubborn again, does he even understand you?

You sighed and stared at the available trucks and wheels, Reki was a bit too nice, he always gave you wheels and trucks for free.

Small wheels are for tricks, big wheels are for cruising on rougher surfaces. You pick out some wheels, and some trucks. When you think about it, Reki could just make you a board and you could replace the trucks and wheels yourself, why was he doing this?

When he was done cutting down the board, he asked "you done picking your trucks and wheels?" you nodded "mhm" he smiled and looked at the wheels and trucks you picked before nodding aswell, not surprised by your choice. He spoke, almost teasing you.

"You know, you really never changed your style of skating. —I don't really want to. You replied, Reki chuckled —You don't have to if this style suits you"

Reki started taking his supplies to color and decorate your board, you looked at him do so, and he asked "The same theme as usual? —Yes, please don't get too silly about it. You said in anticipation of whatever was about to come, Reki can be all but predictable sometimes —Will do!"

Reki got to work after putting a support under the board so that the paint wouldn't go over all the desk, and you just stared at him, feeling useless. He was used to working on this now to no surprises, and he was extremely fast, he surely looked like a professional. To you, he was like the God of skating, and you're sure many other would agree with you.

"Hey, y/n, want to add a touch of your help too? Let's spray some paint together —Can I really? —Yeah, it's your board not mine, as long as you don't spray paint all over my face I'm cool with it."

You smiled, feeling excited, you chose a color, specifically your favorite color. You started trying to draw some lines on the back of your board, not really confident. Reki nudged your shoulders to tease you, so you fought back.

Before you knew it, your board was full of colors and failed drawings, this definitely wasn't your usual board. And you both had full paint on your clothes, and some on your skin. You both were laughing and hardly breathing, when you calmed down, Reki looked at your board and declared "I shall call it the double painted friendship Reki-Y/n creation board, aka the Reki y/n dp friendship board!" you sighed, there he went again with his ridiculous nicknames, but you didn't dislike it either. If anything, Reki's enthusiasm was cheering you up, at this exact moment, you couldn't even bear to think about school, you just wanted to have fun. So what if they say life isn't just about fun?

You turned to face Reki, your eyes widened, and you looked at yourself. This was a catastrophe, you both were full of paint. Reki looked at you and looked at himself and realised the mess you both have done aswell, he had a curious and surprised look on his face for a second, before his smile brightened, and proud of himself he declared "Well looks like we both had a relooking!" you sighed and smiled "this isn't very healthy" he laughed "Don't worry, the paint is offensive once every 10 years"

"Let's let the paint dry for now." Reki said, before turning to look at you "You good?" you paused and thought, before answering "Yeah, i'm fine, why do you ask?" Reki sighed and said "I was scared you'd flood my house back there. —Hey! I'm not that much of a crybaby! —I'd rather have you cry than stay alone though. Joe once told me to never end up on my own."

You paused and stared at the table "Yeah, that's a good advice" you mumbled, before turning your head to face Reki, a curious look on your face "Say, why did you do all of this? You didn't have to let me pick out some new trucks and wheels, we could have just put the ones from the old board on the new board, you know? —Y/n, this is not the first time your trucks got wet, and i'm afraid they're getting rusty —They are? —Even a 4 year old would notice. —Hey! "

You guys laughed, and you asked "what do we do about the paint? —Let's go get it cleaned before it dries on our face, it's not raining anymore so we can go back to my house and to the cabin when it dries"

You were able to stand on your own, but when you took a step, it really hurts a lot, but you felt like you could handle it, things are way much less painful when you're in a better mood, it's crazy.

Once you entered his house again, you saw one of his younger sister, Koyomi, eating an ice cream and directly turning to talk to you "Hey y/n, i've got something for you —You're not sleeping? Reki asked —Nope, couldn't sleep with all the charades our younger relatives put in the house"

Koyomi took some papers and handed them to you "Here, nanaka and chihiro made these for you, they said they hoped it would make you feel better"

You took the drawings, these were drawings made by one of Reki's youngest siblings, a stickman kind of drawing with some hearts. It seemed even they cared about you. you stared at the drawing, while Reki said "Hey Koyomi, don't stay up too late. —You aswell" ~ After you both cleaned the paint off your face and arms, you went back to the place where the paint dried. You already felt much better, you made sure to keep the drawings somewhere in your backpack, these were silly, but you wanted to keep them in your room or something when you'll go back to your house.

Your phone bzzzzed, you turn on your phone and checked the notification, it was a message from Langa on the trio group containing you, Langa and Reki.

"Hey guys! I'm out of the hospital! :) The sock was no problem much, i'm on my way home!" Reki turned to you "Hm, what are you doing y/n? —Hey, look at this, Langa's out of the hospital you said, Reki immediately looked at your phone without any hesitation and said —Wow, so he really got out of troubles huh? —Yup, once again."

You smiled and typed a message on your phone "Hey Langa, I'm at Reki's house right now, I hope you have a good night, see you at school tomorrow!" you sent the message, before you knew it, reki took out his own phone and typed a message "Hey Langa, btw, i made y/n a new board, wanna video call to see it?".

You saw the message appear on the groupchat, and before you knew it, Langa already sent a videocall ask, you refused as Reki already turned on the video call and one was enough.

It seems the paint has dried already.

Reki picked the trucks and wheels you chose to put them and fix them on your board, you only noticed now but these also got colored in the process somehow, it gave your board a new type of look, you couldn't help but smile. When Reki was done, he took care of the grip tape, and when that was done aswell, he looked at you to present the final result while showing Langa through his phone the final result, and proud of himself, he asked, a big genuine smile on his face "Well! What do you think??" you clapped, genuinely amused. Langa praised Reki.

Reki grinned "I know, i'm the best when it comes to making boards —I helped painting the board too! —You sure are an artist y/n l/n."

Reki laughed, and you heard Langa laugh too. You were smiling, you didn't even know what time was it, you didn't really care about the time anymore, though you could notice dark circles under Reki's eyes, you didn't know if you had them too.

After a small moment of silence, Reki talked, in a low soft voice "Hey, y/n —Hm? —You're right, life isn't about just fun. you dropped your composure when he said this —What do you mean? —Life is about being happy, silly! He messed your hair up, leaving the screen on the desk and leaving Langa confused, he smiled you really are an idiot you know? he teased you, not actually meaning it —Hey! Atleast I care about my grades! You defended yourself, Reki grinned —You know, when it comes to school and grades, i'm not really worried, you build yourself a path towards the future by being happy and doing the things you like, don't you? —Well, it's true but… —So why torture yourself? You'll be just fine, a day of not doing homework won't kill you, hey, what makes you happy? —Being with you you blurted out and everyone else you added, Reki seemed a bit caught off guard, he scratched his head and blushed a bit, flattered, he spoke —Well then use your mind a bit more for us and less for school, I promise you you'll figure everything out at your own pace —Can I really? —Do I inspire you? he asked out of the blue, semi-hesitant, semi-confident —Reki! you nudged his shoulder and laughed —What? —Of course you inspire me! —But i'm not good at school and grades, I don't even care about school as much as you do. —Yes, but you're so passionate and good at what you do. I'm not even sure of what i want to do in the future. —All I did was enjoy what i enjoy. He paused and smiled brightly I love skating, the fun is infinite, it never ends!"

You heard Langa's confused voice through the phone, the lonely blue-haired teenage boy spoke "Y'know y/n, when it comes to school and work, i rather see you happy with average grades than stressed out and on edge with good grades, just like we found you were last year"

You felt a bit embarrassed and nervous, so you stared at Reki, internally begging for him to change the topic. He smiled, and said "it might not be easy, but hang in there, i promise everything will be okay, school won't pick your path for you, school will force you to pick a path, of course school is important, but a balance is important aswell, we can't have you so stressed out that you break down on one sheet of paper everytime, what kind of friends would we be if we let you alone to struggle like this? I don't think that would be very fair, you know. Life may not just be about fun, but sometimes it is. What's more important anyway is to be happy anyway isn't it?"

His confident and long monologue was interrupted by a big sneeze.

Oh, you had all that nasty stuff over your face, dear god.

Reki panicked and ran to grab some tissues, you tried not to laugh at the way he ran, welp, this was really worth not going to S for.

You stared at the phone on the desk and Langa saw your face and laughed as you picked the tissue Reki handed to you.

Through the phone, you heard Langa's voice "y/n, you know, I'm happy with you guys too —You better be." ~ You fell asleep in your sleeping bag, and the next morning, you both were completely sick. And you forgot to complete the homework you were supposed to turn in today. You still weren't even sure if it was an History sheet or a Maths one.

But did it really matter? You had so much fun yesterday, and you cheered up, sometimes it's cool to loosen up.

This is the type of memory you won't regret when you'll be at death's door. This is the type of memory that really matters.

Of course school did matter, but when it slowly kills you and you have no idea of what you want to do, what do you do? How do you balance personal life and school?

Life isn't just about fun sure,

It's about appreciating the moment that's happening right now. And right now, you didn't want to think about school.

Rather, you wanted to think about getting some meds, because you both were REALLY a sick mess.

And little did you know the papers you both left on the living room table didn't last long when Reki's siblings woke up.

Oops?

[lisutarid-a]

[Gakuen K] Munakata Reisi Route Translation

Fireworks festival

LIST OF CHAPTERS

[Translation under the cut]

Saya: Ah, a phone call. Who could it be…?

Saya: Munakata-senpai!?

Munakata: Hello. Is it okay that I'm calling you at this hour?

Saya: Yeah. It's okay.

Munakata: I would like to have some of your time this evening, are you free?

Saya: Evening? Yes, I am free. Is something happened?

Munakata: We are going to a fireworks festival, so get ready.

Saya: Ehh!?

Munakata: Well then, I'll pick you up in 20 minutes.

Saya: U-Understood.

Saya: (This suddenness took me by surprise…)

Saya: (But thinking about it, I remember the printout of club activities for the summer vacation said something about a fireworks festival)

Saya: (I guess that means it's part of the club activities. Anyway, let's hurry up and get ready!)

Saya: (I thought it was a good occasion to come wearing a yukata, but I hope it was all right)

Munakata: Ah, Munakata-senpai! Sorry to keep you waiting!

Saya: (Senpai is also in a yukata…He looks different and more mature than usual)

Munakata: Good evening. I'm glad you came.

Saya: Huh… The others haven't come yet?

Munakata: The others? It's just the two of us.

Saya: Eh? Aren't we doing club activities today?

Munakata: No. It's completely private.

Munakata: Now, let's take a ride on this.

Saya: Eh… you mean this ferris wheel, right?

Munakata: Yeah. That's right.

Saya: (Somehow, there are only couples in line for the ferris wheel…)

Saya: (Are we really going to ride this? It sure seems like you have to be a pair to ride it)

Munakata: …It's our turn. So, after you, please.

Saya: O-okay…

Saya: (Munakata-senpai said it was private, I wonder what he meant by that…)

Saya: (Wah…It's going up pretty fast. Besides, it's a beautiful night view…)

Munakata: I guess it is about time.

Saya: Wow…! Amazing!!

Saya: (This is what they mean when they say a big flower blooms in the night sky)

Munakata: It was just the right timing.

Saya: Yeah! I have never seen such a big firework!

Munakata: Fufu. I'm glad, too, that you are happy with the reward for the puzzle.

Saya: Reward…?

Munakata: Yeah. I told you the other day I would consider a reward.

Saya: Ah! Was it when I did a jigsaw puzzle with a firework pattern?

Munakata: Yeah. You were the only one who didn't give up until the end.

Saya: (Senpai remembered that…)

Munakata: Well, we're almost at the top.

Saya: Wah! I-It stopped…?

Munakata: It seems so. What in the world is going on?

Announcement: The ferris wheel is now temporarily stopped for equipment maintenance. Please wait for a while.

Saya: Maintenance…

Saya: (It's not like it's broken or anything…? What should we do if it won't work again?)

Munakata: There's no point in panicking. Let's watch the fireworks quietly and wait for it to start moving.

Munakata: Thanks to the fact that the ferris wheel is not moving, don't you think that this is a special seat for watching the fireworks?

Saya: Ah…I see. That's right.

Saya: We're lucky to stay in the best place longer!

Munakata: It's an experience you don't get to have very often, so let's enjoy it to the fullest and go home.

Saya: Yeah!

Munakata: Ahh, by the way, there is something I forgot to mention.

Saya: What is it?

Munakata: The yukata suits you very much.

Saya: T-Thank you…!

Saya: (I was praised by senpai…!)

Saya: Em, senpai looks great too.

Munakata: Thank you. The fireworks are coming to an end soon.

Saya: It'd be good if the ferris wheel is working by the time it's over.

Munakata: Don't worry so much. Everything will be all right.

Saya: Okay…

Munakata: And if it doesn't start moving when we're done, maybe we can do some stargazing this time?

Saya: Oh, that's a great idea! There are no clouds today and it looks like we'll be able to see lots of beautiful stars.

Munakata: Fufu. We have one more thing to look forward to, don't we? Let's enjoy the fireworks slowly for now.

Saya: Okay!

[Prev chapter][Next chapter]

[hoes4hoseok]

enhypen as sour

...so i said i'd finish my work before posting another but i couldn't help it I PROMISE I'LL FINISH IT EVENTUALLY THOUGH. thanks for reading, y'all!

ni-ki as brutal

"they'd all be so disappointed, 'cause who am i if not exploited?"

some maknaes give me such unmistakable teenage angst energy (as i showed by choosing hueningkai for jealousy, jealousy)

&& ni-ki is not an exception imo!! he's also actually seventeen i kinda had to ✋

anyway yeah ni-ki's life is great in some ways but it also sucks in other ways, just like olivia depicts in the song

like yeah he's in a big k-pop group but also he's been through so much 🤧. this obviously does not mean that he's in any hurry to grow up, but y'all get my point (i hope)

sunghoon as 1 step forward, 3 steps back

"which lover will i get today? will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?"

sunghoon is not the type to stay with you if he doesn't like you

but in this case, he's conflicted. (ultimately, he does not like you enough to not toy with your feelings, but alas...)

&& yeah, he might regret it soon after acting cold, but that doesn't matter because he'll act nice but do it again & possibly repeat until the end of the relationship

oh god, heartbreaker sunghoon, y'all!! it's a concept!! that i live by!! (i'm not okay.)

sunoo as deja vu

"a different girl now, but there's nothing new, i know you get déjà vu"

sunoo would totally do the same activities with multiple partners 😭

he wouldn't think it's a big deal though?? he'd associate the things with good times, not people

it would suck but there's not much you can do about it

on the CONTRARY...he'd probably be pissed about you doing the same stuff with other people

especially if the break-up was on you

he'd complain to his friends about it & they'd be on his side in either situation (so would i, sorry y'all)

heeseung as enough for you

"don't you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing?"

this scenario is a real tragedy to imagine so i'm sorry about that 😭

just as with any relationship, if you were with heeseung, he would have to love you just as much as you do him.

&& if a relationship with him fell apart it would feel particularly bitter because there would be little warning signs along the way that you didn't think were a big deal

like the whole line about him not complimenting her makeup ✋🙄 (come on bro,, it's not that hard!!)

the real tragedy is that he didn't want more from you...he just didn't want you

anyways 🤠 like she said!! you'll find someone who does find you exciting :)

jake as happier

"i hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me"

it would be so hard to hate jake after a break-up 😭 especially if he was kind about it & took your feelings into account

even more so if it's been a while since the two of you called it quits & you should have moved on but you haven't

because tbh who would be able to?

&& seeing him with someone else would leave you conflicted because how could you possibly be upset with him? or his new partner?

so you'd kind of have to suck it up :( & hope he isn't as happy as he was with you :(

jay as favorite crime

"know that i loved you so bad, i let you treat me like that"

so this song is about partially blaming yourself after a heartbreak, because you "let" them treat you like that

getting dumped by this man would be so devastating

again, it would be slow -- even if you tried your hardest to hold on because you wanted him so badly, he would end up letting go in the end

it's such a horrible feeling. i don't wish it upon anyone.

anyways...before you know it 🚨 wee-ooo wee-ooo 🚨! ur heart is broken! 💔🚔 (sorry i just felt compelled to do that idk)

jungwon as hope ur ok

"somehow we fell out of touch, hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush"

as i said in my txt post, this album only has 11 songs, so this one is also assigned to soobin

&& tbh i have a pretty similar reason for choosing it but i think jungwon would be the one thinking about his old friends & acquaintances (rather than his friends thinking of him, which i said for soobin)

he seems to have a really kind heart, & the reason he's the leader of enhypen is because he's so caring

oh wow 🤧 got myself in my feels about him thinking of his i-land buddies 🤧 i'm gonna go now

txt version ☆ emails i can't send version ☆ masterlist

[shai-manahan]

Hollowed Minds Progress Update 5/08/23

Hi! I know I failed at making a progress update last month, so first of all, apologies for that! Things have just been busy tbh and life has been too stressful that at some points I just couldn't write. It's why I've been a bit inactive here as well, and why I've been barely answering the asks I've been receiving.

I cannot report yet how many words I've written for the update so far because I haven't really taken a look at it myself, but I will do so at the end of the month if there's still no confirmed schedule by then. My eye health has just been very consistent at making my life harder as well until recently, and here's hoping I'll at least be able to function properly for a whole month🤞

Some things that will be in the next update:

For Chapter 2's Part 2:

Everything still goes as planned, except now both routes are expected to be fast-paced and action-oriented, though one is still more intense than the other.

This will be a massive one, not because of the word count but because of the variations that will play out. There won't be much issues in arranging the transitions to Chapter 3, so there's at least that, but your choices will matter a lot. So you might have to be careful with them.

One of the routes gets Alonzo actively involved, but please be assured that this doesn't mean you have to romance them. I actually encourage you all to check out both routes once they come because you'll gain more discoveries that way. 👀

Alonzo's route will be so memeworthy, I have to admit. Please try it.

There's an info dump in Chapter 2's Part 1 that I'm not really a fan of, so I'll be moving some of those to this part instead if needed.

For the overall IF:

Alex will now have a set skin tone if a lighter one is chosen for the Ripper. I will discuss this in detail soon, but I just wanted to emphasize that Alex and Ripper's mother are canonically PoC.

You will have options for your Ripper to wear contacts or glasses (or neither ofc).

You'll be able to bring a weapon with you in Chapter 2 depending on your choices so far.

You might remember a section of Chapter 1 where you can choose what your Ripper had been doing for the duration of the five months. I might reduce it to a few, just so I could have them properly recognized in the story.

There will be a couple of changes in the character descriptions in the game's stats page, with plans to make them shorter, too, for easier readability.

I will make sure you'll have saves at the end of this. So please don't be surprised if there'll be more page breaks in the future, as well as more choices (that are still as meaningful.)

In connection to above, I also plan to make the in-game descriptions snappier and easier to read while still maintaining the quality they should have. Your feedback will be very important for this, and this also applies to the beta testers (sorry I've been so silent. I swear I'll get back to you all soon lmao)

Not really too related here, but I also plan to be more consistent with my updates in the future. It's just that my irl schedule is still a huge mess, and it's very hard to be consistent when that happens.

Just a last piece of my mind. Some anons have been very aggressive with harassment the past few months, and I really have no interest for more drama right now. So if you have issues, if you think you can back your own words, send them through a DM or at least turn off anon so we could have a proper conversation.

It's honestly tiring. Being an Asian in this community can already be so tiring, so I am begging people to be mature and responsible with their words. After all, I've repeatedly said that you can always come to me with your concerns or whatever you have against me. As long as we can actually talk about it.

Anyway, that's all, and I hope the week will be good for everyone :) I have a few more things to post on Patreon tomorrow, so if you're a current patron, do look forward to that!

[hydn-jpg]

HELLO!!!

i am back!! sorry for dropping off the face of the earth again :'0 i was dealing with mental health stuff but i am okay now. the horrors persist but so do i and all that haha

anyway! i spent the past few months focusing (as much as my adhd allowed me to ,, ) on school and writing my thesis, and also spent some time in canada for my research project!! it was a really nice experience and i met some rly cool people too :D

as of writing this it's been a week since my exams finished and almost a month since i submitted my final thesis so that's great! i really feel like i can finally breathe again haha. i poured my blood, sweat, tears and probably other bodily fluids into it too so i hope everything goes well! (emphasis on blood bc my nose literally started bleeding while i was doing my exam ;; lmao)

it's good to be back! does this mean i will be back to posting art? YES absolutely!!! (will be posting one in a few hours :^) ) i'll need to read the new books and recent chapters to get material to draw more relevant stuff but i do have a few pieces that i drew before/during my hiatus that i'll post in the meantime! i have a lot to catch up on but i'll get there haha (especially id2!! idec if it's bad i just wanna see cas and gabe my beloveds :'0 i couldn't stop thinking abt them lately and i've only been doodling them,, ahhh)

i will be more active from now! i really miss posting and interacting with y'all :'D i have reserve forces training to attend next week but other than that i shouldn't have any other pressing matters so i'll be able to spend more time on tumblr!

to everyone i owe something to, i will send a message soon!! and by soon i mean literally after i post this lol. thank you for all your patience!!

[credince--writes]

Whispers

Whispers can be heard, calling from the sand.

AO3

Cots sucked.

They really, truly blew.

Blew hard.

She groaned, sitting up on the shitty little cot she'd made her resting place for the last few days. There were whispers she had caught hold of, like butterflies drifting past in stagnant air. Whispers of Price and Gaz showing up soon.

Soon.

She was being left in the dark.

She knew it.

She hated it.

And every butterfly that floated past she'd catch and rip its wings off.

A tribute to her truly, sour mood.

But it had seemed that she wasn't the only one in a sour mood. While she'd be able to corner Soap a few times, at least try to make some conversation as she felt like she was losing her mind in isolation.

Almost as if she was being put in timeout.

She didn't remember.

And that was her fault.

Now all of a sudden they wouldn't talk to her.

Were they mad at her?

Did they not want her anymore?

She was a part of the team.

At least she thought she was a part of the team.

Maybe it didn't mean anything.

She felt useless, sitting here doing nothing.

She wanted to help,

to be useful.

She had caught Rudy in the hallway one day, stopping politely to greet each other she offered her assistance.

"I'm losing my mind here, dude." She'd said. "Your techs need any help?"

"Of course... Let me ask first, then I'll go get you."

What she didn't expect was a very, very poorly managed tech department with a senile old man sitting in front of a computer that looked like it had been pulled out of the nineties.

"This... Is the tech department?" She asked, glancing over to Rudy.

"...Si..."

"You're shitting me, right?"

"No." He replied voice raised slightly.

"This isn't a tech dep, and if this is what you guys are running I'm surprised you aren't all dead." She hisses out. Taking a step closer to him.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm just following-"

"Orders. Right." She seethed. "So, not tech-dep-tech-dep, what activities are done here?"

The old man lifted his head, lifting a hand with a pack of cards. "Chinchón!" He stood, moving from his chair in front of the computer to a table tucked in behind a shelf.

Her head snapped over, looking at him. "What?"

"You'll get along great- that's Momia, call him Mom. Bye now!" Rudy side stepped and quickly exited the door leaving her alone with the lingering smell of old cigarette smoke, and a wrinkled old man with a pack of cards.

She hesitantly stepped forward, more into the room to glance over a shelf to see him sitting at a table with the pack of cards in hand, tapping an empty carton of cigarettes against the damaged fold-out table. "....Hello."

"Hello." He replied back. His voice was gravelly, aged. It reminded her slightly of Price's. It carried a weight, one that was only acquired with experiences.

Haunting ones.

"You speak English?" She hesitantly asked.

"Fucking hope so." He bites back.

She was taken aback slightly, raising a brow. "Why do they call you Mom?"

"Supposed to be momia, call me Mom."

"What's that mean?"

"Mummy. Cause been here since you were in diapers." He replied, opening the package of cards and placing them on the table.

"I don't understand why I'm being placed with a fucking babysitter." Jitters hisses out, standing up and pushing her chair back. "I'm more than capable of taking care of myself and I won't be disregarded to-"

"Sit the fuck down." The old man grumbles out.

She sits back down quietly. "Sorry, Sir." She mumbles, awkwardly folding her hands in her lap.

"You know Chinchón?" He asks.

"No."

"Rummy?"

"...No."

"Gin?"

"You're just making these up, aren't you."

The old man sighs, rolling his shoulders back and letting out a deep exhale.

....

She groaned, leaning back into her chair after losing yet another card game to the man next to her.

"At this point why don't we play something like speed?" She asked.

"No."

"Why, you afraid you're gonna lose?"

"No."

She groaned again, looking around the room. "Why are you in here anyways?"

"It is my room." He replied simply.

"Like, you live in here?" She asked.

"No."

"What do you even do on that computer?"

"Solitare."

"You play it a lot?"

"Si."

She looked over at the computer and the well-worn mouse on the mouse pad next to it. There was a full ash tray sitting a few feet off of the thick computer.

"You play cards a lot?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the old computer.

"No, not many to play with." He replied, shuffling the deck and getting ready for another agonizing round of him wiping the floor.

"So you just play Solitare all day?"

"Si."

"Huh." She turned back around, facing him at the table and watching as he dealt out the cards again.

"You ever get bored of it?"

"Me? No." He replies. "Now play."

"If you just play cards all day and smoke why don't you just go home?" She asked.

"The Los Vaqueros is my home, my child." He states.

"You Rudy's Daddy or something?"

He huffs a light laugh at that. "No... no.... But I remember when he was just a boy. Skittish little mocoso."

"So you've been here a long time."

"Yes."

She sighed. Conversation with the man was impossible, all he would do was shuffle the cards, ash his cig, light a new one, and maybe every once and a while stand to leave to take a piss.

She was going insane.

The room was dingy, and stained with cigarette smoke and it didn't help the chairs squeaked in a horribly irritating way.

Any time she stood she'd been chastised.

She was being held hostage by an old bastard who smoked like a chimney and played cards all day.

It'd be fun, in theory, but she wanted to be anywhere.

Anywhere but in that room.

Feeling useless.

Doing nothing.

It was aggravating, they were occupying her.

Placing her with a babysitter.

What was really happening?

Mom sure took advantage of bossing her around, to bring him his lunch, eat with her, go fetch him a new pack of cigs.

And it went on like that for a few more days.

She'd like to think they'd made progress, she started to understand the card games, play along, maybe even win once or twice.

He'd start telling her long, raspy, and drawn-out stories of the good ol' days.

The days when justice wasn't a foreign concept.

'A bullet can solve any problem' the old man had told her.

To a degree, she agreed with that statement.

His eyes would dance when he spoke of old stories, stories of when he was young.

Stories of when he was strong.

He was crazy, she'd deduced.

Maybe senile.

Half the things he'd tell her didn't seem feasible to survive, but she'd let the old man live through his stories. Watching the life glisten in his eyes as he relived the good memories of his past.

Relive his youth.

"We didn't have these cartel problems when we just strung them up in the street." He said, puffing off of his cigarette and placing a card down.

"Think that's bad for tourism." She replied bluntly.

He laughed, that dry, raspy, old laugh.

They continued to play, the long dreadful games to her always losing and him finishing with a crooked smile with missing teeth.

"Back in my day, we never had those phones. Just cards."

"Bet you didn't have a girlfriend either." She bit back.

"I had many of women." He replied.

"Yea, Mom, the slayer of women."

"Hah..." He laughed. Sitting up in his chair and flexing his shoulders. It was almost like a routine. Trying to correct his poor posture that had been engrained over the years. "I wasn't always Mom."

"Hard to see you as anything other than a chimney with a card problem."

"I remember when the spirits still roamed the desert."

She sighed silently, looking up at him.

"Yea? Dance with the cactus too?"

He laughed lightly. "I thought you'd understand! Have you not seen the demons dancing in the sky?"

She paused, looking at him.

The smoke danced off of his cigarette and up into the air, dissipating into the room's stuffy atmosphere and tar clinging to the walls.

"The desert still lives, at night." He adds. "But only if it deems you worthy."

"Worthy of what, exactly?" She asked.

"A warrior's death." He explained simply, collecting the cards and starting to shuffle them again.

"Why would I need a warrior's death?" She asked, looking at him hesitantly.

"Not need, but worthy. Pure of heart. Intention." He clarifies. "We can all see the demons. They crawl out of the dark, but the life... No, that's only there for the good."

"Have you seen the life of the desert?" She asked.

"Not for a long, long time. Before I became what I am today. When I was a young boy, I would watch the cactus dance on the sand."

"Before you were the momia?"

He laughed, smoke puffing from his lungs as he exhaled as chuckled. "No. When I was a warrior."

"Then who were you?"

"Can you not tell?" He asks.

She gives him a deadpan look.

He lifts his sleeve, revealing a sleeve of old, ragged tattoos.

But one stood out.

One deep into his flesh.

But it wasn't a tattoo.

It was a scar.

A brand.

It was the insignia of something- she honestly couldn't tell.

"El Gran Vaquero!" He chuckles out.

She stays silent, watching his movements.

"Lazo de la muerte, I'd hang them from the streets!" He wheezed out.

She stared.

El Gran Vaquero.

He was the first.

The first of the wild cowboys.

The Los Vaqueros.

The patriarch.

Of course, he couldn't leave. He'd be hunted like a trophy.

The old, sad card-playing man. Isolated into grungy solitude, smoke smothering air.

Lazo de la muerte.

"Can you not tell?" He asks.

She stares at him, and it as if his flesh melts from the bone. Death radiated off of his pores.

The hands that carefully shuffled the cards gripped onto a rough rope, a lasso. Wrapped around the neck of a criminal as they were dragged through the street.

He was no Mom.

He was a God Damn harbinger of death.

Staged atop a horse.

Cursed to never see the life of the desert again.

"Go find lunch, will you?" He broke her train of thought. Killing the stiff mood of the room, effectively turning back to his cards.

She groaned internally, nodding and standing to leave the room.

Following out of the hallways onto her familiar route to go to the mess, pick up grub for the old bastard and herself, follow back and continue on with the prison sentence of sitting with him, inhaling the secondhand smoke and playing cards until the tips of her fingers bled.

To get there, she'd have to route through the majority of the base, which was a pain in the ass but it had given her a much-appreciated break from the stuffiness of the room.

She'd pop her head out, look around the garage. Cut through there as a shortcut and sometimes walk outside and lean against the wall to look at the clouds and the bright sky they tried to devour.

She walked through, opening the door onto the asphalt and looking out onto the tarmac to see the familiar tall figure of Ghost standing next to a Heli.

One that was prepping to leave.

She stared in disbelief.

Were they... leaving her?

Were they not going to say goodbye?

Ghost stood, talking to who she could only assume to be Rudy from that distance. It was much easier to tell who Ghost was- the tall dark looming figure with the white of his mask making him indistinguishable.

Ghost turned, in her direction.

Like he was staring at her.

She stared back.

His body was completely facing her.

She could feel the burning of her flesh, the singing of her hair under his gaze.

They stayed like that for a moment.

Staring.

The sound of the chopper's blades beating against the air fills the silence.

And he turned, climbing into the Helicopter.

And she stared, watching as it lifted off of the ground and ascended.

Leaving.

Without a word.

Nothing.

"I am not your babysitter." He said plainly.

"Never said you were." She shot back.

"Bit defensive are we?" He questions, moving across the room to put away a weight he had been using earlier.

She grumbled a little, crossing her arms. "I didn't mean to. I just am starting to dislike being regarded as a baby."

He turned, looking at her. "Then do something about it."

She stared at where the helicopter once was.

"No. I'm not being cocky. You, yourself told me to do something about it and this is me doing something about it." She throws her hands up in the air. "You drag me out to bumfuck, act like I'm your Soap surrogate but when we get back you act like none of it happened." She seethes out.

"You were a liability." Ghost says again, the words leaving his mouth drawled out slowly.

"Yea?" Jitters voice cracks a little bit.

"This isn't some fun game you just get to run around with now." Ghost started.

"This isn't a fucking game, and I earned my spot here. I've earned it multiple times and I've proven that-."

"You haven't proved anything. You are not a soldier. You are a fake. We are not your community service project or your parole officers. I don't need your falsified pity, or courage for that matter." He spits.

She stared.

They didn't want her anymore.

"You. Are a scared, weak little girl."

Do you ever miss it?" She asks.

He looks at her and nods a bit before flicking the ash off of the end of his cigarette.

"Sometimes." He finally responds.

"Would you ever go back to it?"

"There's nothing left to go back to." He says.

Home.

"I guess that's something we have in common." She mumbles.

But now?

There really wasn't anything to go back to.

[madame-fear]

Last Kiss | Gotham!Jonathan Crane x Fem!Reader

A/N: Hello guys! so I know this is something I don't usually do (and won't really be doing this often), but I'm having a kinda sad day and I wanted to release my feelings somehow – so this immediatly came to my mind. Hope you all enjoy it anyways! Also: The title was inspired by the Pearl Jam song, "Last Kiss". And not proofread as always.

Summary: After insisting Jonathan on going with him and the J Squad to help them out with their criminal activities, you face the consequences of your own actions in middle of the villain battlefield.

Genre: Angst.

Warning/TW?: Mentions of murder, blood, criminal activies, cursing, and death.

──────────────────────

The sudden sound of the harsh bullet coming out of the gun caused all the arguing and shouting between you and one of the policemen to harshly stop, being immediatly followed by morbid silence.

Your eyes widened in surprise – and lowered your head to look – at the burning feeling on your stomach, as well at the sensation of your blood dripping from the open wound as they cowardly escaped from the scene, realising what they had just done. You lifted your sight to look at them nervously running away, only to soon disappear in middle of the dark mist. You weakly fell to your knees, and your entire body soon dropped to the cold, harsh ground as you groaned in pain.

Your vision was blurry and it felt as if everything around you dizzily moved. The only thing you could see, was the dark sky, and the flickering street light that barely lit up your pained face. Your eyelids began feeling heavy, as you felt how your own dripping blood stained your whole back, and quickly, your whole body. Your breathing was harsh, and some weak tears escaped from your eyes.

“I don't need you to constantly protect me from everything, Jonathan, I'm not a baby. I promise, I'll be good.”

The last words you said to him before you left your shared home only to accompany him on his villain duties echoed on your head like a melody that got stuck in your brain, making you release a weak, and quiet scoff in disbelief at yourself. There was a disturbing quietness, until, you felt your name being called one, two...and then, three times – you recognised the familiar voice: it was Jonathan's, your boyfriend. Jonathan seemed to not be able to find your dying body, but, you knew he did when the way he screamed your name was absolutely horrible, and terrifying.

“Y/N!” Jonathan shouted, ironically, in horror as he quickened his pace to get to your laying body.

Taking of his Scarecrow mask, he crouched to reach to your level, and he then got on his knees. “I told you not to come with us, because it's dangerous!” His voice was terribly filled with desperation and terror at the sight of the bloody scene. Jonathan carefully got a hold of your body, and softly placed you on his lap, slightly holding you with his arms. His face flinched a bit when he heard you groan with pain. From the wound, blood continously escaped your body, staining not only you and the ground, but as well, as his Scarecrow clothing. Jonathan didn't care if he got stained with blood, the only thing that mattered to him at the moment, was your own well being. “It's my fault, I'm sorry...” Your voice was weak, and quiet – nearly impossible to hear. Knowing him a bit too well, at the sight of violently harsh tears coming out from his eyes, you knew he was so badly trying to hold them, but it was just too much for him to handle.

“No no, it's not your fault. It's my fault! My fault for letting you come–” Jonathan was only left with harsh sobbing as you interrupted him by strong and tight, yet weak gripping of his costume. “You know why it's my fault, baby? Because I didn't listen to you when you told me not to come.” Some of his tears dripped on your face, and every second you spoke, you felt your essence and your soul slowly leaving your body. Jonathan, seeing how slowly the weaker you became, placed his forehead against your as he wiped a bit more. You placed your hand carelessly on his cheek, wiping away the tears that ran through his beautifully harmonic face, and you failed to caress his hair, leaving it messier than it already was. He suddenly stopped pressing his forehead against yours, as he spoke, “Wait! I should get Mr Tetch and Mr Valeska, maybe they'll help me carry you–” He was once again interrupted by your violent head shaking in disagreement to him.

“No, don't. Please...stay with me, I know I won't arrive home tonight–” You suddenly coughed some blood, staining your bodies even worse. As much as you hated putting that way plus the coughing, seeing how it made him cry even worse, you preferred to have him by your side. “If they come to us, good – but if they don't, reach them later. I'm too scared of what's in the other side, my beloved Scarecrow, please stay by my side these last moments I have on Earth.” Jonathan cried even worse at your comments, but he knew you were right. “Please...make me feel better, and give me one last kiss.” Blood started suddenly dripping out of your mouth, your vision was blurried to the point were you could barely distinguish his precious face. Jonathan nodded, and gripped your body tighter. Slowly, he leaned his body near you to the point where your lips were inches away, and he desperately pressed his lips against yours. You moved in sync with his as much as you could, savouring the moment, knowing you wouldn't last much longer. The kiss felt eternal, and was tremendously bittersweet, as he could feel the taste of both your own blood, and his tears.

Jonathan, at one moment, knew you were gone. Your lips stopped moving in sync with his, your body became lighter, he couldn't feel your breathing anymore, and you weren't moving at all. His lips were still strongly pressed against yours for a few moments after that, not wanting to let go of you, even if it was already too late. The flickering street lights, and the casual sound of vandalism in the streets of Gotham made the moment even more sadder, somehow. Weakly, he started letting go of your lips, as he started admiring your now place as snow face. You looked so peaceful, and yet so pretty, that it was so bizarre. He wiped a few more minutes, as he held your cold body, blood-stained body. Knowing how your own blood was stained on his costume, made him feel numb. The blood that came out of your precious lips had also stained his own face. He didn't have his parents with him anymore, and now, he didn't have you as well. A deep, void of sadness filled his mind, and heart.

Jonathan wiped away some strands of hair covering your face. As much as he felt sad to your passing, rage against your murderers began brewing inside of him. He grabbed your entire body, and stood up – planning on leaving your body somewhere better, and quietter, where your soul could pass more peacefully. He knew, you'd probably want him to get over you and find someone that could take over your place, and love him as much as you did, but that wasn't going to happen. For him, nobody could replace you. No matter how much love they show to him, he was always going to be forever yours.

Some tears and sobbings still came out of him as he walked towards a graveyard; he could still feel the taste of your last kiss on his lips – and he knew, the taste would last forever.

[meeludrawz]

Coma - Part 1?

Hello! Idk how long this is so take yourself more than 10mins lmao I'm not sorry >:3 I always think that what I'm doing is cringe but it makes me so happy when I do it ngvhbbgvnhb Anyways, text under the cut @ackalice

"WAIT!!" Bulan slowly stood up, leaving her weapon on the ground and raised her hands in a placating way. The fierce wind blew her tears on each side of her head. Surrounded, she and Leo were both encircled by plenty of Kraang bots. Their guns were all aimed in their direction, but mostly her. Leo was lying on the ground, right next to her, and brushed Bulan's foot with the tip of his fingers. Silently and his eyes closed, he was asking her to not give up the battle yet but what else was she supposed to do when the love of her life was two seconds away from dying? "Please Kraangs! Let us go!" Seeing that they didn't react much, she continued. "I'll do anything you guys want! Please I'm begging you! I- I could even tell you where our lair is!" The snake lady glanced at them, they were too many guns pointed in her direction. "..B-Bu.... Lan.." The blue-masked turtle breathed, barely able to open his eyes. The snake lady threw a glance at Leo, she was having a hard time to even looking at him in this state. He did so much for her and now, because of her, he was going to die. Bulan had no choice but to betray the turtles.. Unwillingly, she faced back the Kraangs. [I'm so sorry Leo.. Please forgive me for what I'm about to do..] (<That is thinking)

Bulan slowly stood up, almost jolting as she felt a hand on her shoulder. The snake mutant examined her surroundings, the sun was long gone and only the dim purple lights of the room were on. Leo was lying in front of her while sitting on the floor, her arms resting on the mattress. Donnie was the one who woke her up, standing behind her, he gently patted her shoulder. "You should head to bed, it's late.." "Mhm.." Bulan mumbled, half awake as she tried to get up. She easily lost balance but Donnie was quick enough to catch her. "Your legs are asleep, it'll hurt a bit but I'm here don't worry" The purple-masked turtle helped her get to a chair. "How long have you been here, Bulan? Did you even.. eat?" The snake mutant didn't even answer any of his questions. She avoided them instead by asking another question. "Is he going to wake up soon?" Donnie sighed, she was a stubborn gal, wasn't she? "You're not helping yourself.. You need to eat" Silent and unmoving, Bulan kept her gaze on Leo, hoping that he would wake up. Since he fell into a coma, she became the complete opposite of what she was. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep and would almost never leave his side. "Bulan I-" The purple masked turtle started but immediately sighed. "If I tell you how he's doing, do you promise to go eat and sleep?" This time, she looked at Donnie. The snake mutant didn't answer but the purple-masked turtle didn't need any to know that's what she wanted. Donatello then started, once again, to explain that his vital signs were stable and that he was even showing brain activity. (Listen I don't know shit about the doctor vocabulary so just imagine alright? lmao) That meant Leo could wake up anytime but it still has been 6 months since the last time he was fully awake. "He got badly hurt, but now that he's healed, he could and should, wake up anytime soon" Bulan's legs weren't asleep anymore so she got up, holding her stomach and grabbed Leo's hand with both of her hands. "Please wake up soon.. We all miss you so much.." She whispered before glancing down at her stomach. The snake lady then glanced back up at him. "I don't want them to grow up without their father.."

Sitting at his desk, Donnie was working on some little projects at his pc. He couldn't do much because of the size of his new lab and also because of his older brother's presence. He couldn't risk harming Leo by playing around with gadgets and stuff. Donnie took a sip of his coffee and spotted his brother moving in the reflection of his black mug. He quickly turned his head around, but Leo looked as dead as before. The turtle sighed, it has been 5 days since he had this small conversation with Bulan. He spoke to the others about her health and since then, they were all trying their best to change her mind. Bulan was still visiting Leo, of course, but it was less frequent than before. Not her fault if the others were all trying to kidnap her to go shopping and other stuff like this. And, at least, she was eating and sleeping more. "As a scientist, I-.. I don't know if you're ever gonna wake up.. But as your brother.. I'm just like Bulan, I wish- No- I really hope you're gonna wake up" He smiled a little. "You know.. You were right about Space Heroes, it's a good show. Some parts aren't logic at all but it's still good. Just don't tell Mikey or Raph" Donnie scoffed but his smile quickly vanished. "I don't know what I was expecting.." He mumbled as he got up from his chair. It was late and he wanted to sleep so he saved his project on his computer and turned it off. "..Bu-.. Lan" A quick gasp came out of Donnie's mouth. He turned around so fast that he almost tripped on his own legs. His older brother still wasn't moving so he hesitated, was he hallucinating? Usually he started to hallucinate after 3 days of not sleeping.. But he slept yesterday- "..Bulan-.." Donatello saw Leo's lips moving. "OHMYGODLEO-" He muffled his own screaming behind his hand as he started to examine his brother. "D-Donnie?" The blue masked turtle whispered, half-awake and half-confused. "Where's-" He started but quickly shut himself as Donnie's hand was almost shoved into his face. "How many fingers do you see?" Leo rolled his eyes. "Three" "Alright, okay that's good, really good- If uh you feel nauseous or maybe if you have a headache- Literally anything that feels off, just tell me alright?" Donnie spoke fast, maybe a little too fast for Leo. "Wha- Why, where's Bulan?" Leo confusedly asked as he sat up. "Heyheyheyhey- Don't get up yet, Leo you just came out of a coma" Leo glanced at his brother and blinked. "What- How long- How long was I out?" The purple masked turtle looked at his watch, he mumbled as he calculated. "About 6 months, 5 days and-" Leo shoved his hand on his brother's mouth. He maintained eye contact with Donnie. "Six months, got it" Leo removed his hand. "What happened?" "Your memory seems intact so far so I guess a little recap shouldn't be too much" Donnie started, he grabbed his chair closer to Leo's bed and sat down. "We.. Lost the battle against the Kraangs and we were forced to leave. Because-" "Bulan told them where our lair was" Leo interrupted him, again. "About that, Leo, please don't get mad, she did what she thought was best and without her, you would've died" The purple-masked turtle waited for an answer by looking at Leo, but he never spoke so he continued. "Elina gave birth to a boy, his name is- No, I think it's better if she tells you herself. Mikey's being quite responsible about him, it'll probably be some kind of shock for you but-" He cleared his throat, here he was again, about to ramble. "Anyways Bulan is- Erm" He hesitated. Would it be best if he discovered by himself or if he told him?

"Bulan what? Is she okay? Where is she? I thought she would be there-" Leo's eyes widened. "Dee, don't tell me she's with the Kraangs since then" Donnie's eyes also widened. "Nonononono! Of course not! She just hasn't been sleeping or eating a lot lately so I'd prefer if you waited until morning to see her and the others. It'll leave you some time to rest a bit before they toss you around and overwhelm you" Leo confusedly looked at his brother. He examined his surroundings and his glance fell on Donnie's digital clock. 2:43am. He raised a "brow" toward his brother. Donatello chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. "Stop looking at me like that, I was gonna sleep but you woke up" "I think you should worry about someone else" Leo scoffed. "Auuughhh don't remind meee.." Donnie whined before they both laughed together.

"Okay so I couldn't find your mask, Bulan probably has it, but I got your clothes. I fixed the holes in your pants and-" Donnie stopped himself as he realized that Leo wasn't there. "Leo?" He called as he checked around, even in the bathroom. No turtle in sight. "Oh god, where is he?" Donnie slightly panicked as he ran out of his lab. The snake mutant was awake, she was slowly walking toward the kitchen since she was hungry. Well no, she was craving something in particular. Chocolate and mustard, what a strange combo. She even thought it was weird, but being pregnant, it was probably not that uncommon. Bulan started eating her strange combo until she heard footsteps getting closer. "I know, I know, I'm supposed to bed in bed but I got this craving and-" She dropped her chocolate.

--------------------------------------------------------------------- YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW HOW HARD THEY BOTH ARE TO DRAW BUT I HAD SO MUCH FUN THOUGH I almost cried at some point because gosh, it's so romantic *melts while sobbing*

Also don't worry Donnie, Leo found his mask :) Idk if there's going to be another part to this

[9tzuyu]

little update ᥫ᭡

idk who cares or which of my mutuals are still active, but i just wanted to tell you guys i’m doing really well lately. life has been very good as of late. im going to a blackpink concert tuesday so im super excited about that!! mentally im doing a lot better too! as far as my ed goes, it’s there and i don’t think it’ll ever leave, but my thoughts aren’t as loud as they used to be. and its great to be able to say that i’ve restored some of my physical symptoms as well!! im also trying some new stuff and going out with people again. it’s been good, i feel like im living life more than i have in a long time.

as far as writing goes, i’m not quite sure where i’m at with that. writing was my outlet for the things i was struggling with and feeling, and since im a lot better than i was before its hard to find that motivation to write for those sorts of things now. i’m sorry about that, but i do hope you guys understand why i don’t think i’ll be able to continue writing those things.

i hope you all are well, and i hope to be able to get to writing stuff soon – though hopefully it’ll be more in the fluff category haha. i’ll write when i can, but i can’t say when that will be since i’m a lot more focused on life and stuff. i’ll still be active of course, so if anyone ever wants to talk or whatever i’ll still be here! that’s all for now i think.

also, if you guys want to you can follow my twitter. i'm a lot more active there anyway. my main is @/ t9zus and my priv is @/kooryeongf. i'm active on both, but i spend most of my time on priv. anyone can request/follow. i'll follow back too :).

♡.

[idyllic-affections]

Yaoshi theme is 100% the way to go. In the Aeons teaser I was like "man, how is this aeon so pretty???" because they're elegant but at the same time simple and hoyoverse balanced well the color scheme to not make it too basic. It's really nice aaa

And then there's Aha existing/hj

I liked the header/banner (I don't know how to differentiate). The blog's color suits it and I hope Tumblr lets me see the icon too (it's still the Baizhu one for me, sorry if I'm just being dumb and you just haven't changed it yet TT)

Sending platonic kisses <33

-🦢 anon <3

YEAHHH i am so abnormal about yaoshi i can't even act like i am not. i am THE yaoshi apologist of all time. it isn't yaoshi's fault that the xianzhou alliance's ancestors actively LOOKED FOR them, attained immortality from them, and then decided they did not enjoy the consequences 🤭 that isn't yaoshi's fault!

yaoshi's design is so endearing to me. i think they deserve more eyes though. biblically accurate yaoshi /hj /lh. i feel like they suit the abundance so well... an abundance of arms. an abundance of eyes. an abundance of life. i don't know how to articulate my thoughts about their design (maybe i'll post about it later on?), but i love it. it feels so well thought out.

AHA i am so fascinated by aha......

yaoshi is so pretty and elegant, almost seeming untouchable. almost as if, should they touch you, your mortal mind might not be able to handle or comprehend the way their featherlight and vaguely painful (nails. their nails. those nails would hurt) touches drag on your cheek with the affection of a parent because they are so inextricably intertwined with life itself and therefore all living things brave enough to forsake mortality are their children.....

and then there's aha LMAOSJSKSGJF i love aha.

SORRY I WENT ON A LITTLE TANGENT ANYWAYS i hope tumblr lets you see it soon! i have changed it. but either way, regardless of if you can see it yet or not, i'm glad you like it!

i am sending those kisses right back to you!!! mwah mwah ✨️💘💗💖🫶💗💘💖✨️🫶💕✨️🫶✨️💘💖✨️💘🫶✨️💗

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #47 (part one)

previously - Journal Entry #46 (part seven)

Victor

Hey, everyone.

So, it's been a while, and I'm not even sure where to start. Things have been... chaotic. I guess Yuri's been keeping you up to date, and I'm sure he's told you all about my accident and everything that's been happening since, so I won't go over that again. Living it once was enough, and I'm still having nightmares about it, so... yeah. I'm trying to keep my waking hours as free from it as I can.

I haven't felt like recording anything up to now. I mean, I obviously couldn't while I was in the hospital, but since I've been home again, I haven't had the mental stamina for it, or the physical stamina either, really. Being in pain is pretty exhausting, honestly. I think I probably already knew that from taking care of Yuri, but now I understand it from personal experience. I'm not used to feeling like crap and having hardly any energy, and it sucks.

I’m confident that my arms and rib are slowly getting better, and Mom says the bruises I had on my face and shoulder and down my side are totally gone, but I'm still having brutal headaches and I still can't see properly. Julian had to set up my phone for me so I could record this. If I'm not looking right into the camera, I'm sorry, and if I'm accidentally giving all of you like, a thousand-yard stare or something, I apologize for that too.

Sometimes I think my eyes are improving, but then I'll blink or I'll try to focus on something and it's just gone again. Mostly, everything's all blurry and indistinct, as if I'm looking through one of those frosted glass shower doors. It's frustrating because not only can I not play games on my Switch or text on my phone, I can't even do stuff that doesn't require major use of my hands and arms, like watching videos or practicing my reading or even picking out audio books by myself. I have to get help finding an audio book to listen to, or a movie. I basically have to listen to movies too, which is annoying.

When I'm not in too much pain, I get bored, and without being able to do anything to distract myself, all I can do is think. I don't like that. It's too scary and depressing, especially when I start worrying about whether my life really is going to get back to normal.

I realize it's only been a little over a week since my accident — this is Monday night and it happened a week ago Friday — so I shouldn't expect too much, too soon. The doctor did say it might take a few weeks or maybe up to a month for the worst of the symptoms to resolve, after all, and I might be dealing with some aftereffects for months. She said it was a grade 4 concussion, which is the most severe type because I was unconscious for more than a full minute, and she said I've got mild swelling of the brain. That's the explanation for the bad headaches and dizziness and of course the vision problems. I'm not supposed to be doing anything strenuous, or even remotely active, really. I'm not even allowed to climb the stairs by myself until the doctor clears me to do it. Not that I can actually climb the stairs by myself anyway, but you know.

Earlier today, Yuri's dad arranged an appointment for me with the oppthalmologist that he and Mrs. Okamoto, Yuri and Yuki all go to. Her name is Dr. Ishida, and she's going to see me this coming Friday. Exactly two weeks after the accident, if you're counting. I'm hoping she gives me better news than the ophthalmologist at the hospital did.

Yeah, you didn't hear that wrong. Mr. Okamoto arranged it. Yuri was going to do it himself, but he's actually sick right now and he's not up to making important phone calls. Like, he's sick enough for the hospital, if you ask me, but I think somebody would literally have to carry him out to the car to get him there.

Managing at home when he's this ill is not ideal in my opinion, but he says he doesn't want to go to the hospital because he doesn't want to leave me. I totally get that. I don't want us to be apart either, but I'm also freaking out because I can't take care of him like I usually do, and he's not comfortable with Mom or Julian doing what I normally would. Plus, they don't know everything they should be doing for him anyway, and it's super difficult for me to explain it.

All I can say is, thank goodness for Yuri's dad.

I know what you're likely thinking. Up to now, Yuri and his father have been on really bad terms and barely spoke to each other, and Mr. Okamoto hasn’t exactly been my biggest fan either, so why am I saying I’m grateful for him? Well, the thing is, he’s surprised us all during the last several days, and not in a negative way.

Let me try to explain.

Maybe people think Yuri’s not interested in a relationship with his dad, and I guess I wouldn’t blame anyone for believing that, considering how tense things were in the past. Yuri does actually want a relationship, but he and his dad are both so stubborn that once they started resenting each other for whatever real or imagined hurt they'd caused, neither one of them was willing to let go. I think Mr. Okamoto was more at fault than Yuri for the problems between them, mostly because he didn't know how to deal with Yuri not living up to his unreasonable expectations, but to be fair, you can't have a disagreement by yourself. Yuri isn't just an innocent victim of his dad's difficult personality and crappy communication skills. He had his own part to play.

But, since my accident, we're seeing a side of Mr. Okamoto that we've never seen before. It started with him coming to the hospital right after it happened, to sign consent forms, talk to the doctors and generally deal with stuff until Yuri could get there. Then, he stayed here with Yuri while I was in the hospital, which I was grateful for. I didn't like to think about him being alone. He said it was awkward, having his father here, but also kind of reassuring in a way.

I'm glad they both seem to be softening up, at least for the moment. Yuri really needs his dad in his life, and seeing Mr. Okamoto ready and willing to help us says something about how much has changed between them in a short time.

I want to be optimistic that things are going to get better between them going forward. Anyone who didn't know the whole story would probably be inclined to be positive in this situation, and maybe I should be too. I promise I'm trying, but knowing Mr. Okamoto, I have my doubts. He's not great at consistency and he hasn't shown much interest in the past, but I guess there's always a chance this time it'll be different. For Yuri's sake, I hope so, but I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

Anyway, on Saturday night after dinner, Mr. Okamoto came over to get the stuff Hana left here that morning. Apparently, Yuri had called or texted him to pick it up because he didn't want her coming back here for it herself. I'm pretty sure nobody wanted her to come back, least of all me, so I was relieved when my father-in-law took the bags and made his exit.

I'm not sure I was quite so relieved when he returned about two hours later, with bags of his own, and with Yuki in tow.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I was thrilled to see Yuki. I just didn’t know what to expect with her and her father planning to stay here.

When Yuki first saw me, she ran to me and hugged me so hard that I thought she might break a few more of my ribs. Then we both cried a veritable flood while she told me she loved me and that she was glad I was alive.

I hadn't realized she was at the hospital with my friends on the day of my accident, and my heart hurt when she told me how worried she'd been. Nobody would tell her anything, she said, and when she wasn’t allowed to see me, she’d feared the worst. I said I was sorry for saying I didn't want anyone to come and see me in the hospital, and she said she understood, but I wondered if she did. In hindsight, I should've agreed to let her visit. I might've felt better after a hug from my favourite local super spy and internet personality, Yuki Okamoto.

Yuki and her father haven’t left here since Saturday night. He brought the smallest shikibuton for Yuki, and of course a normal sized one for himself, and the two of them have set up camp in the laundry room, of all places. Mom and Julian are in my room, Yuri's in his own room, and of course I'm still in the dining room, so it was the only spot left.

Mr. Okamoto said he was here to help. Nobody questioned him, not even Yuri. Since then, he's been doing all kinds of things around the house, including cooking and baking, which he's good at, and housecleaning chores, which he's not good at. Most importantly, he's doing things for Yuri, like helping him in the bathroom, and making sure he stays as nourished and hydrated as possible. Mom said he even gave him a bath this morning, which in her words, "left the upstairs bathroom looking like a small tsunami went through."

While Mom mused aloud about how he could've gotten so much water everywhere and why there were so many wet towels, and complained about the disaster area he'd left behind, I laughed so hard it hurt. I was trying to picture it, and all I could think about was the time me and Ellie were babysitting her cousins, and the four-year-old decided he wanted to be a sea monster while in the bath. We even got water on the ceiling that day, although we never mentioned it to Ellie’s aunt and uncle. I guessed Yuri probably hadn’t been anywhere near as lively as that kid had been, and it was much less likely that he’d wanted to play a game and splash around for fun, so it left me curious about the mess, too.

Bathtime tsunami notwithstanding, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thankful for Mr. Okamoto's help right now. I doubt he's anywhere close to my standards when it comes to Yuri's care, but far be it from me to look this particular gift horse in the mouth. That he's even here at all is astounding, and the fact that he basically rolled up his sleeves and plunged into the current state of madness in our home is a super big deal.

On a connected and somewhat lighter note, I'm pretty sure Julian and Mr. Okamoto are besties now. Mom still seems a little cool toward him, but he and Julian have instantly bonded over their shared interests. They both play the piano, they both love art, and apparently Mr. Okamoto is as big a science fiction and fantasy nerd as Julian. Not gonna lie, listening to the two of them geek out over video games, role playing, Llama Man comics, and classic sci-fi B movies like It Came From Sixam and Day of the Plant Sims was kind of surreal.

It was highly entertaining, having an Uncle Kaz movie marathon with them on Sunday night. We watched some of Uncle Kaz's older Japanese-language films, with English subtitles, and me and Mr. Okamoto tried our best to help Julian understand the jokes. It was fun and felt weirdly comfortable, and by the end of it, my father-in-law and future stepfather were on a first-name basis. I'm not even allowed to call my father-in-law Kenji, so obviously Julian has made a great impression.

Wait... let me backtrack a bit. Like, a lot of stuff happened before the movie marathon, and it's way more important.

On Sunday, we all slept in. Once everybody except Yuri had finally gotten out of bed, Mr. Okamoto and Yuki made rice, eggs and grilled fish for breakfast, and it was so good. Mom had to feed most of my meal to me, but Yuki and I figured out a way for me to grip a spoon without using my thumb, so with her guidance, I was able to feed myself a bowl of rice. It was strange not using chopsticks, and I still feel embarrassed about getting help to eat, but I'm learning to accept it. It’s only temporary, and things could be a lot worse, right?

But, I digress.

After breakfast, Julian helped me upstairs so I could lie down and cuddle with Yuri for a while, and try to figure out just how ill he was. I knew it was serious the night before, when he didn’t come downstairs to share my mattress in the dining room, but I didn’t know the extent of it until I could see him and physically touch him.

To my dismay, it was way worse than I’d expected. He’d been unwell for a couple of weeks before my accident, and I realized he’d been declining, but this was really bad. It blew my mind how he’d managed to hide the true severity of his pain from me, but I reminded myself that I hadn’t exactly been in a fit state to notice every little nuance of his demeanour and body language like I normally would.

Obviously, he’d been forcing himself to do everything he thought he had to do instead of resting and taking care of himself, and by Saturday night his body didn’t have enough fight left in it. His immune system is weak at the best of times, and it’s like he’s constantly pushing through a state of nearly always being mildly unwell, but this had clearly been a headlong rush into a full-on crash. There was no way he hadn’t seen this coming, even if I hadn’t.

Once I was settled in bed with him, I let him lay on top of me the way he likes, even though it made my cracked rib hurt like hell. It was pointless to say anything or to try stopping him. He was so out of it, he probably didn't even realize what he was doing and just instinctively crawled onto me, seeking any bit of familiarity and human closeness he could find. I felt bad for him because even though I was in discomfort, I knew he was in far more pain than I was. I could feel heat radiating off his skin, and every time I moved even slightly, he whimpered.

I wished with every fibre of my being that I could make all his suffering disappear. I hated that he was so sick, and that it was at least partly my fault for not paying better attention to him and letting it get to this point without insisting that he needed rest and medical attention.

"This isn't good, Yuri," I told him, after I’d inadvertently shifted my weight, and he literally cried out from either the movement itself or the abrupt change of pressure against his stomach.

“Don’t… don’t do that,” he gasped. “Hurts. Gonna make me throw up.”

Normally, I might make a joke about him throwing up in bed, but this was not a laughing situation. “If you have to, tell me. I’ll yell for your dad.”

“Please… don’t.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. His tears were soaking through my t-shirt, and I felt helpless to comfort him. “Do you want to lay a different way? It might be less uncomfortable if you’re lying on your side or your back.”

“Wanna lie like this. With our whole bodies touching.”

“We can do that with you on your side,” I said. “You can be the little spoon.”

“Don’t wanna be the little spoon.” And to prove how adamant he was about it, he curled his fingers around a fistful of my shirt, as if daring me to pry him loose. I could feel his little hand trembling against my shoulder .

I rubbed small lines on his back with my fingertips. It felt inadequate, but it was all I could do with my arm in a cast. “Yuri,” I said. “Can you listen to me for a second?”

“Yeah,” was the weak reply.

"You need to see a doctor.”

“Don't want to.”

“You can’t go on like this. You need help, and you need to be somewhere where somebody can take care of you properly.”

"No..." He dragged out the single English syllable in a long whine before continuing in barely intelligible Japanese, "Want you to take care of me."

"I can't, sweet baby," I said. "I love you so much and I want to do everything for you, and I really I wish I could, but this is too much for either of us right now. You need to be where somebody can tend to you night and day, and I think you're gonna need medicine and intravenous fluids to help you get better."

"No," he repeated.

"Yes," I insisted. "Remember last time you were this sick? You needed fluids and antibiotics, and your doctor said the hospital was the best place for you."

"Don't want antibiotics. Make me feel worse."

"I know, but only for a short time. After that, you'll start feeling better a lot quicker. Let your dad take you to the hospital so you can get better?”

“No.”

“I’m worried about you, Yuri. Please.”

"Don't wanna be alone." he said.

"You wouldn't be alone. Me and Mom and Julian would all take turns staying with you. I think even your dad would. He's really stepped up lately, you know."

"Gotta tell him..." Yuri said, but then seemed to lose the thought, and mumbled something that sounded like, "My violin."

I smiled despite the circumstances. "You have to tell your dad about your violin? What about it?"

He let out a little grunt of frustration and tugged feebly at my shirt. "Victor!"

"I'm here."

"Listen."

"I'm listening, love."

"My violin case. Tell Papa..." He trailed off momentarily, as if he was trying to think of how to make the most impact with as few words as possible. "In my violin case. Look. It's important."

"Okay," I agreed.

"Thank you," he whispered. And then, "Love you. Just... wanna protect you."

"I know," I said. "I love you too."

"Please... tell Papa. Promise."

"I promise."

That satisfied him, and he let out a long, shaky breath that was half sigh and half moan. "Gonna sleep," he murmured. He was still clutching my shirt, but it didn't take long before I felt his fingers relax.

I lay awake, thinking. I couldn't imagine what would be in Yuri's violin case other than his violin, and why it'd be so important for his father to see it, but he was so insistent that I figured I'd better not ignore his request. Besides, I promised, and you guys know how I hate breaking promises, especially ones I've made to Yuri.

When I was sure he was sound asleep, I eased him off me as carefully as I could, and then climbed out of bed. It took me a second to orient myself, and then a few more seconds to crawl my way over to where Yuri usually keeps his violin case, on the floor next to his dresser. I could make out the shape of it, and to my surprise, the distinct shape of his violin on its stand next to it. He almost never leaves his violin out for long periods of time. I didn't know when he'd practiced last, but it definitely hadn't been since I got out of the hospital. He wouldn't have left it out since Thursday, so I guessed he must've taken it out sometime on Saturday.

But why?

Cursing my clumsy fingers, I fumbled with the latch of the case for a minute or two. I let out my breath when I finally got it open.

What I found inside was something I totally did not expect. It was a beige file folder stuffed with papers.

I didn't dare try to lift it out by myself, fearing that I'd end up spilling the contents all over the floor. I knew I wouldn't be able to read anything, but I had to soothe my curiosity anyway, so I hooked my fingers under the cover of the folder and flipped it open.

I'll admit, had no idea what to make of it when I thought I saw two passports inside. Why would Yuri have our passports in a folder like this? He’d said he wanted to protect me, but surely that didn’t include leaving the country? Neither of us were in any shape for that. I didn’t understand.

I probably would've panicked if my bruised brain hadn't suddenly registered the fact that both passports were red. The covers of Canadian passports are dark blue, so neither of these could've been mine, and if mine wasn't there then Yuri's wasn't either. Even if either of us could travel, he wouldn't go anywhere without me. I was sure of that.

But, that only begged the question, whose passports were they? And what was Yuri doing with them?

Obviously, it wasn't something he was trying to hide from me, or he wouldn't have directed me to them and asked me to tell his father. The thing was, there was no way in hell I was going to show anything to Mr. Okamoto until I knew what it was myself.

Since I couldn't read the papers, and I couldn't ask Yuri about them, I decided there was only one thing to do. I made my way the short distance back to the bed, and then felt around carefully on the nightstand to locate Yuri's phone. I was glad we'd activated voice dialling on both our phones a few days ago, as that was going to make my mission a whole lot easier.

I had to concentrate to remember how Yuri had listed my mother in his contacts, but once I got it, I said aloud into the silence of the room, "Hey, Siri. Call Dr. Grace."

Mom answered on the second ring, and she sounded both confused and worried. "Yuri? Is everything okay, sweetheart? Why are you calling me from upstairs?"

"Mom, it's me," I said. "Yuri's sleeping. Everything's pretty much as you'd expect, but... can you come up, please? I need your help with something important."

"What is it?" she asked.

"I'll show you in a minute. Please, just come up. I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”

That last sentence came out weird, like a line from a badly-scripted TV show, but I didn’t waste brainpower stressing over it. I had a feeling I’d need to save my mental energy to deal with whatever I was about to learn about the passports and Yuri’s folder full of mystery papers.

"Okay," Mom said. "Hang on. I'll be right there."

[ifeltfree]

Yeah, of course I'll talk with you about it. I'm sorry to hear you're recently diagnosed. I'd say it gets better, but I'd be lying. What does change is that you get tougher, more resilient. If you're lucky, you have people around you who understand and support you well. The seizures never stop being terrifying.

It's an awful disease and one that is extremely misunderstood. Isolating is the right word, for sure. I was diagnosed at 16, so I know how hard it can be to have it as a teenager/young person as well. It feels like it's stealing from you. It is. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Your feelings are justified.

As far as how I cope? Poorly, for a long time, but recently things have been looking up. I was seizure-free for about five years before a recent set of breakthrough seizures (I crashed my car too, lol what a time), so I'm relearning how to deal with the fear and paranoia.

Logistically, I've done a few things:

I was able to get my job to let me work from home 3/5 days of the week.

I sleep. A lot. I still hang out with people and I have a lot of friends, but I had to accept there are things I can't do.

I spend a lot of time in quiet. Overstimulation doesn't help. I found this out the long way - took me forever to realize shutting up one or a few of my senses cut down the brain activity (I'm dumb).

I don't drink. I used to drink - probably too much. Substance abuse and epilepsy don't mix. That wasn't the reason for my breakthroughs, but I do have a little sobriety app. Kinda fun, honestly.

I talk to my friends about it.

That last point is something that I'd never done before this year. It's hard, of course, but I think it's helped that my friends now know I'm having crises of sanity, faith, philosophy - whatever - every day of my goddamn life. It's impossible to live with this disease and not think about what's real, what's not, if I'm losing time, what exactly is a soul...you understand.

Also, seizures are impossible to describe, but I try. That helps as well. Horrifies my friends, but they've said it's ok to talk about.

Every seizure I've had (barring these last ones, or I'd have killed myself) has stolen my personhood from me. I'd wake up as a different person, and then I'd just...live in a stranger's apartment, wear a stranger's clothes, wake up in a stranger's bed. After about a week, the feeling starts to fade but nothing ever goes back to that first reality. That disorientation is, for me, one of the worst parts of epilepsy. It's fucking scary. And if you go through that, I am so, so sorry.

If you want to talk about this more, let me know. I'm much less serious than I seem, and I write like this because I'm overeducated after being scared shitless by my brain. So.

Anyway, feel free to publish this and I hope you feel better soon.

Also, tell your tattoo artist what happened - they'll thank you for not coming in, and they also need to know you're not a flake. Don't want to make them responsible for an unconscious body when they don't have to be! :)

thank you for talking to me more about this. you worded a lot of this really well and its reassuring to know its normal to feel that way that i do about it all. my family thinks im exaggerating it so sometimes i question if im blowing things out of proportion.

anyway, thats terrible that you crashed your car. thats such a huge fear of mine and i cant imagine going through that, im so sorry. its so unfortunate that you have to miss out on things, but im glad you figured out what works for you to keep you in better shape. im gonna try and be mindful about the things you mentioned and see if they make a difference for me, thank you

i dont have much of a support system, most of my friends stopped talking to me after college and i find it hard to meet new people where i live. its significantly harder to cope with shit like this when youre on your own. im sure you get it. and i totally understand what you mean by losing your sense of self. it feels like everything is foggy, all the time but even worse on days i have seizures. it almost makes me mad cause its not fair that after everything else that comes with it, i have to have a diluted watered down personality too.

again thank you for this. ill definitely reach out if the urge arises and you definitely can too. im always open to talk, about anything