#ANYWAY. see y'all in a week. or. whatever.
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Salute to a Brief, Precious Companion
I just came home from the vet. If you missed the notice on Friday, Rocky has been euthanized due to failing health. I'm a little bit of a mess right now, so apologies if this post isn't coherent or it's overly-emotional. I just feel I should pay my respects and tell you all Rocky's story. Be prepared. This is a long one.
This was Rocky. Nicknames included Wocky, Rocky-Pocky, Rockadocious, and Little Man. He was an incredibly sweet and incredibly skinny critter who somehow even Jupiter outsized. I only had him for 7 or 8 months, but what lovely months they were.
Rocky came to me from a horrible situation - someone who is technically part of the family (and do I dearly wish they weren't) is one of the worst pet owners I've ever seen in my life, and he regrettably had Rocky for over 10 years. That is, 10 years trapped in a single room with a connected bathroom where his rarely-cleaned litterbox (singular, shared with multiple cats) was located. He didn't have anything: no comfort, no entertainment, pellets that could barely pass for cat food, and no attention. This was supposedly to save him from a dog that had a habit of killing every small animal it came across, but once that dog died, as did Rocky's companions, he still wasn't allowed out of that room because the idiot didn't want cat fur all over his furniture. Mind you, his dishes in the pantries had dust all over them, if that tells you how he lives his life.
Anyway, a relative of his called me and begged me to take Rocky, being unable to stand his solitude and wails for affection any time she went to that house. I wasn't looking for another cat at the time, but I agreed, on the condition that the former owner pay for the initial vet visits and whatever treatments were needed. Rocky was very visibly unwell when I saw him - underweight, crooked-backed and smelling of sickness. I never had a high opinion of his owner in the first place, but as time went on and I saw the effects of Rocky's ailments and the consequences of him never seeing a vet in those 10 years... well. If murder was legal.
Rocky's first 2 weeks in my house were disastrous. He attacked Moses, Jupiter and Moonshine any time he saw them, had no idea that he wasn't allowed to just pee wherever he wanted, and was frightened and confused by toys. It took several months for him to understand the concept of batting a ball around for fun, and he never did fully get that sleeping on a soft pile of blankets is much nicer than a hard table. I was extremely close to seeking out another home for him, certain that this wasn't going to work and I had just ruined the energy of the house for my other poor cats.
But somehow, Rocky turned around! He realized the other cats weren't a threat to him (all three of them are excellent at handling tense situations with fellow felines, and they never struck back or hissed at him during his rampage), and started seeking them out for companionship. Of course, it had been a few years since he'd seen another living cat, and he'd kind of ruined his initial impression on them with his poor behavior, so it took a while for them to fully relax around him. He and Jupiter very quickly were forced to become friends as both of them wanted on my lap at all times and weren't willing to give up their seat to each other. They eventually sought each other out and would sleep together even without me being there.
Rocky practiced being friendly on Jupiter, including grooming him. Amusingly, Rocky didn't quite remember how to groom another cat, so he ended up licking the fur the wrong way and getting Jupiter all slobbery, like a dog had licked his head. Jupiter never minded, purring along and letting Rocky do his thing.
Moonshine was more hesitant to let Rocky sit on her or curl up by her, but Moonshine's never held a grudge in her life and conceded towards the latter third of our time with him.
Moses...
Well, y'all know Moses. He was just as grumpy with this other old man as he is with everyone else. Though interestingly, over this weekend, he was unusually kind to Rocky, and actively laid down next to him and let Rocky touch him.
In fact, everyone was extra nice this weekend. I suspect they knew something was up from my energy and mood. They were sticking close to me as well.
As Rocky got more comfortable in the house, he really showed his personality. He followed me around everywhere, couldn't force out a loud meow if his life depended on it, wanted on my lap at all times (making up for a decade of loneliness, I guess), and demonstrated a sweetness and cheerfulness that couldn't be beat. He was, by far, the best at taking medicine that I have ever experienced with a pet. He would swallow his pills with no struggle and allowed me to give him shots of vitamins without so much as a twitch. It's extra-impressive for how long he went without those things. Really, his only fault was that he would have accidents around the house - everything else about him was wonderful.
I knew he was a hospice case when I took him in. He was sick and old; he wasn't long for this world, whatever I did. I still feel like I failed him for only giving him half a year of a comfortable, happy life compared to the decade of misery he experienced. Everyone tells me that it's quality over quantity, and that he got to live a wonderful last bit, and I should be proud of that. I hear them. But my friends can attest that I've spent the last two weeks kicking a tantrum about how unfair it is that he didn't get more time with me. I won't pretend I'm the very best pet owner in the whole wide world, but god knows I'm at least better than his previous owner, and I provided everything I had, whatever it costed. I felt like I owed Rocky at least a year of joy and love, and he didn't even get that. It's not fair. It's just not fair.
It's amazing how attached you can get to an animal you know will die soon.
Rocky's ashes will be coming to me in a couple weeks. He'll join the rest of my pets on my desk, and that way he'll stay with me. I'm grateful that he got to fall asleep in my arms and that his pain and weakness is over. Wherever he is, he's comfortable.
I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you, Rocky. You deserved the world.
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I saw your post and have some incorrect quotes!
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*Eurylochus and Elpenor are planning to crash Ody and Poseidon's "wedding"*
Eurylochus: We need to distract the guards.
Elpenor: Right.
Eurylochus: What are we gonna do?
Elpenor: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.
Eurylochus:
Elpenor:
Eurylochus: Deal.
(Spoiler: They did NOT save Odysseus and ended up married too)
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Persephone: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Polites. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Polites!
Hades: Nope.
Persephone: In that case, as the archbishop of Hades's fully awakened Bidom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my love, and kiss Polites right on the lips!!!
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Hades, holding a rock: Polites just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".
Persephone: If you don't marry him, I will.
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Odysseus, to Poseidon: I'll be under the mistletoe when I start feeling desperate!
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(During the honeymoon)
The gods: I regret nothing!!!
The crew: I regret everything!!!
I Signed Up for a Quest Not a Wedding Registry! AU part two
Previous = Next
Let me continue this.
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Eurylochus: This man is crazy, y'all. I've had him blocked on everything for weeks, yet he still manages to find ways to contact meâ
(Hears something and turns around to look at a microwave. Yes, I know microwaves don't exist yet, but whatever.)
Eurylochus: Bro, this is what I'm talking about! Look, he's calling me on my microwaveâhow is that even⌠I didn't know microwaves could doâHow is he doing that?
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Poseidon: âŚ. --- ..- --. âŚ. / .. - .----. ⌠/ -. --- - / -- -.-- / ..-. .- ..- .-.. - --..-- / .. / .- .--. --- .-.. --- --. .. --.. . / ..-. --- .-. / -- -.-- / .- -.-. - .. --- -. âŚ
Odysseus: What's that?
Poseidon: Remorse code.
Odysseus: âŚI'm even more angry now.
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Dionysus: I had a dream where you were cheating on me last night. Explain yourself.
Elpenor: ?
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Poseidon: Odysseus, let me in! I need to save you.
Odysseus: Save me from what?
Poseidon: From what Iâm going to do to you if you donât let me in.
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Polites, walking into the underworld: Hello, people who do not live here.
Eurylochus: Hi.
Odysseus: Hello.
Elpenor: Hey!
Polites: I gave you the key to my house for emergencies only!
Odysseus: âŚWe were hiding away from them.
Elpenor: Yeah, I need a break from Dionysusâfor at least four days.
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(Dionysus hands Elpenor a marriage certificate signed by him.)
Elpenor: What is� How did you do this?
Dionysus: Come now, Elpenor. A magician never reveals his secrets.
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Other Demigod: Seriously, what do you see in that guy? (referring to Polites)
Hades and Persephone: He makes us laugh.
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Poseidon, after Hades judges him and the others for kidnapping a mortal and forcing them into a marriage: Why do you act like you didn't kidnap your lover and have two lovers?
Hades: Well, first of all, Zeus gave me permission to marry Persephone, and second, not only did Polites actually consent to the marriage, but Persephone allowed it to happen! Did your other wife agree to this?
Thank you for this incorrect quote, this made my days! Anyway please give me more ideas. I would love to hear your ideas and opinions for this AU!
#epic the musical#the oddyssey#odysseus#eurylochus#elpenor#polites#eurylocus epic#odysseus epic#odysseus epic the musical#epic odysseus#perimedes#perenor#if you squint#Epic the musical AU#greek mythology au#I Signed Up for a Quest Not a Wedding Registry! AU
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Setting an Official Deadline⢠for myself of getting the last bits of chapters 2 and 3 done, which means. Chapter 1. Genuinely for real happening very soon. I may make a separate post ahead of time over what this thing is actually about so that people can be Aware (because. trigger warnings.), but I haven't decided yet.
#I AM definitely going to turn off anonymous asks for a while once that info is out there though#that's probably me overworrying but like. have you SEEN how people behave on this webbed site when Dark Content⢠comes up#like this is gonna stand a far better chance of getting me Purity Cancelled⢠than shipping j/c ever did which is. sure something lmao.#like I really do need to keep reminding people that THESE ARE CHARACTERS. THEY ARE NOT REAL. NOTHING IS HAPPENING TO A REAL PERSON.#like. inevitably someone will say 'oh but YOU'RE trying to do this with nuance and through an ANALYTICAL lens' I mean yeah I am trying#to do that because that's how I approach everything but like. there's no amount of 'attempt at nuance/analysis/etc.' that will ever be good#enough for these people. and also you can LITERALLY just write a story because you had an idea and went 'hmm that's a little weird#or fucked-up or whatever.' like me going 'what if character analysis from this angle' really isn't any more Deep⢠than someone going#'ooh I had an idea!' in neither of these situations is anyone making a profound commentary on the human condition#ANYWAY. see y'all in a week. or. whatever.#The Fic That's A Lot
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ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".
like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!
on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.
returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body
literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence
#reblogs turned off because obviously i'm already bracing to be pilloried for saying one thing not quite correctly or whatever#and also bc i have zero interest in having this be boosted by trans dudes on their own transandrophobia agenda either#i'm just venting#but frankly the first time i got yelled at for saying that as an intersex person some of the immense violence i experienced as a child#was motivated by transmisogyny#i was a teenager and it was someone a fair bit older than me with more local clout so like. it's been a decade. how is it worse now.#intersex spaces have made SO much progress and yet#also yes i'm femme! i'm femme in a trans way! many dykes who aren't women are!#many of us got more comfortable w it as adults who had gender agency!#in literally the same way it took my wife ages after transitioning to work out she's also butch and doesn't actually want to do femme thing#bc that's a shared experience in how we've navigated the expectations of womanhood before opting out of the parts we don't want!#anyway the lawcomm shit was fucked bc honestl i don't give a shit if someone lost their gonads as an adult in an accident#they should be protected even if they don't consider themselves intersex#and we know that gender as an axis of oppression comes back to the reproduction of the nuclear family#and that cis women who can't have kids sometimes become the political football though ofc not as much by far and like#idk. y'all ever heard about solidarity? sometimes i feel like i'm back in the place where the loudest traumatised person at the party#is yelling at another young woman like âyou'll never understand what it's like to be a victimâ#when said young woman was assaulted the week before.#a politics that starts by defending and defining oneself w oppression kinda fucking sucks actually#and intersex people stopped policing intersexness by who got mutilated a long time ago#bc actually we want the generations ahead to not get that treatment#and when i see âtrans eldersâ going on about how âif you pass and got on hrt before 18 you're not trans like i amâ i'm like. why! what!#anyway. tired.#may regret this. we shall see#tony muses
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sorry for the lack of art! Iâve been really feeling it and I donât really have the energy to get on my laptop too much and draw. please take this silly grian laughing his ass off as an apology [+ rambles in the og tags whoops]
#I also haven't been consuming a lot of hermit content and haven't touched any e!hc videos#I still love them all so much#hermitcraft#grian#whatever is going on with false sounds like it goes insanely hard though#AND! I'm quite interested in the new create mod series it sounds like a load of fun#art out the oven#hopefully I can do a larger scale piece some day#everything I've done so far has been in the 2-4 hour range + doodles; which is nice! but I wanna paint again </3#uni has been great and also taxing as fuck#but at least I had this week as a break week! [ignoring the fact I had to stay up until 5on Wednesday to do an assignment] /lh/lh/lh#anyway hopefully I get to see y'all soon with more art!!!
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-. Finished The B-ear, not here to talk about that because I will never stop and no coherence will accompany me on this journey anyway, BUT- now more than ever I want to bring my SAD SAD writer back that I had for... a few weeks back in 2016 I believe, so I shall be doing THAT.
BUT BEFORE THAT, I'll be MIA for a few days because I've been kind of tired as shit for no reason, so I can't get my brain to work on drafts or have the proper energy for chatting~ SO, I'LL SEE YOU SOON, just giving a heads up that I'm not ignoring anyone âĽ
#;ooc#;psa#reason i'm associating the b.ear with bringing back Liz is bc same faceclaim lmao BUT#my neurodermatitis is acting up violently again for the first time in a good few years and it's#it's very itchy very uncomfortable i feel gross and my clothes all make it worse PLUS#because it's this bad again my skin's all raw and it hurts SO#i need to focus on 1. seeing if maybe i'm dehydrated and that did it#2. if that's the reason i've been sleeping poorly bc if it ain't gotta fix that too#3. no more alc for at least a week or two to see if that's got anything to do with it#and then... well idk whatever else comes to mind as possible solution WAHOO#BUT ANYWAYS YES I'LL CATCH Y'ALL SOON SORRY FOR PUTTING A PAUSE HERE
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Had a few folks interested in how I made the patches I posted for Solarpunk Aesthetic Week, so I thought I'd give y'all my step-by-step process for making hand-embroidered patches!
First, choose your fabric and draw on your design. You can use basically any fabric for this - for this project I'm using some felt I've had lying around in my stash for ages.
Next, choose your embroidery floss. For my patches I split my embroidery floss into two threads with 3 strands each, as pictured. You can use as many strands in your thread as you prefer, but for the main body of my patches I prefer 3 strands.
Next you're going to start filling your design using a back stitch.
First, put in a single stitch where you want your row to start.
Poke your needle up through the fabric 1 stitch-length away from your first stitch.
Poke your needle back down the same hole your last stitch went into so they line up end-to-end.
Repeat until you have a row of your desired length (usually the length of that colour section from one end to the other). Once you have your first row, you're going to do your next row slightly offset from your first row so that your stitches lay together in a brick pattern like this:
Make sure your rows of stitches are tight together, or you'll get gaps where the fabric shows through.
Rinse and repeat with rows of back stitch to fill in your patch design.
When you're almost to the end of your thread, poke your needle through to the back of the fabric and pull the thread under the back part of the stitching to tuck in the end. Don't worry if it looks messy - no one's gonna see the back anyway.
This next step is fully optional, but I think it makes the patch design really pop. Once your patch is filled in, you can use black embroidery floss to outline your design (or whatever colour you want to outline with - it's your patch, do what you want). I use the full thread (6 strands, not split) of embroidery floss to make a thicker outline.
I use the same back stitch I used to fill the piece to make an outline that adds some separation and detail. You could use most any 'outlining' stitch for this, but I just use back stitch because it's just easier for me to do.
Once you're finished embroidering your patch, it's time to cut it out!
Make sure to leave a little border around the edge to use for sewing your patch on your jacket/bag/blanket/whatever, and be careful not to accidentally cut through the stitches on the back of the patch.
If you have a sturdy enough fabric that isn't going to fray, you can just leave it like this. If not, I recommend using a whip stitch/satin stitch to seal in the exposed edges (I find that splitting your embroidery floss into 3-strand threads works best for this).
And then you're done! At this point you can put on iron-on backing if you want, or just sew it on whatever you wanna put it on. Making patches this way does take a long time, but I feel that the results are worth it.
Thanks for reading this tutorial! I hope it was helpful. If anyone makes patches using this method, I'd love to see them! đ
#solarpunk aesthetic week#sewing#tutorial#sew on patch#punk diy#diy punk#punk aesthetic#handmade#solarpunk#handcrafted#embroidery#embroidered patch#how to#how to make a patch
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â đ´đ¤đŚđŻđŚ đŞđˇ. (đŤđśđ´đľ đ¤đ°đđđŚđ˘đ¨đśđŚđ´) đ
⤡ summary: spain and canada. lando's rizz is negative, mission is failed. plus, mclaren pr is about to fuck shit up đŁď¸
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
liked by ynusername, zbrownceo, and 42,908 others
mclaren spain you were forgettable at best đ on to the next one
18,980 others
user1 y/n don't insult your team on the team account challenge
mclaren is it really an insult if it's true
user2 we got a lando photo but at what cost
user3 lando fans can never win here
mclaren why you would ever choose to be a lando fan to begin with is beyond me
user2 you're so right queen i'm sorry
landonorris DON'T APOLOGIZE WTF
user2 fuck both of y'all honestly
user4 at least mclaren fans can always count on content, even if we can't expect results đ
user5 lando and y/n in their friendship era, how the fuck did we get here
landonorris you're posting me now? oh you want me so bad đĽ´
mclaren sending this to hr immediately
ynusername YOU'RE FIREEEDDDDDDD
user6 damn she logged into both accounts just to make sure he heard her ass đ double homicide
user7 oscar fans i can't even tell if we won or lost
user8 we didn't get a face pic but... we didn't get whatever the fuck the 3rd slide is
landonorris guys pLEASE
landonorris i won't post it she says... it's just for me she says
user9 LMAOOOO AND YOU BELIEVED HER???? 𤣠đŤľ
landonorris going dark, no one call me
user9 was anyone going to anyways đ
user10 LET HIM GET UPPPP
oscarpiastri i'll pay you 20 dollars if you don't ever do this to me
mclaren đ¤
mclaren i mean you were never the target but now you will be if i don't get my money!!!!
oscarpiastri oh ok
lilyzneimer i have pictures you can you use if you need bb <3
oscarpiastri WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON
zbrownceo Very funny Y/n! Keep up the good work đ
mclaren Thanks boss! (:
landonorris ZAK WHY
user11 zak is so supportive now, wait until he sees her comments đ
zbrownceo I have seen her comments! Very funny! đ
user11 blink twice zak, we can help you
maxverstappen1 This is the highlight of my week, thank you Y/n!
mclaren hey max verstappen of redbull racing! not sure if you heard but you did win the grand prix this weekend
maxverstappen1 No i know, this is just definitely better.
ynusername where's my photo credits đŤľ
mclaren my bad bbg đ
user12 nurse she got out again
oscarpiastri we'll win next time!!
mclaren who told you that đ¤¨
oscarpiastri the voices in my head
logansargeant you hold on bro, we'll find your meds soon
user13 i think moto moto likes you ahh image
user14 i need to shrink him and put him in my pocket and keep him there
user15 which one?
user14 lando
landonorris nuh uh, pick again
maxfewtrell you can't post pictures without consent mate
mclaren i didn't??
landonorris i didn't consent.
mclaren who are you gonna believe max? me? or the solid concrete evidence in front of you
user16 he looks like he can do some crazy tricks on a trampoline
landonorris this is the only comment about myself that hasnt made me viscerally angry
oscarpiastri unfortunately i feel the opposite
user17 lany/n at it again
user18 literally what the fuck do you mean
user17 if you dont get it, i can't explain it to you
user18 okay cryptic ass, fuck you đ
user19 they're in love guys, just wait and see
user20 yall just love saying stupid shit on this page huh
user19 i hate getting accused of some shit i actually do đĄ like yeah i do love that but who told you
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
user20 op be so fr right now
user21 everytime one of these illiterate f1 drivers pulls one of the hottest women on earth a fairty dies
user21 *fairy
user22 fairty
user21 you shut the fuck up đŤľ
user23 people when coworkers are seen together at their place of work
user24 do you hug your coworkers and follow them like a lost puppy when you could be on a break
user23 wtf no
user24 EXACTLY MF, THIS IS NOT COWORKERS BEING COWORKERS
user25 history will say they were just colleagues đ
opeightywon this shit is a national tragedy
user26 every time i see a post like this i think about the fact that she has probably seen this and i shiver
user27 honestly praying on their downfall
opeightywon wtf
user28 lando fans be normal challenge
user27 idgaf about that white man, she's just too hot for him đ
opeightywon oh yeah real
user29 i need another youtube video where they stare at each other longingly again asap or i fear i may start having withdrawal symptoms
user30 another hot girl lost to an average white man's swagless looks and cringe fail personality i feel sick
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer, and 44,786 others
mclaren not our best results in canada but we improved i guess đ but on a much better, more exciting note: NEW MCLAREN YOUTUBE CHALLENGE OUT GO GO GO GO
17,998 comments
user31 my crops are watered, my skin is clear, my funds are tripled
mclaren all me đŽâđ¨
user32 "yay challenge video" we all cry in unison
user33 OSCAR FANS IS IT REAL??? HAS IT COME TRUE??? IS THAT A FACE PIC I SEE
user34 and it's good quality too 𤊠what did we do to deserve this
mclaren you don't, but oscar bought me coffee all weekend
oscarpiastri yes i bribed her, i feel no shame
user35 lando's back in the dog house bro, he's back to no face pics
user36 but look at his beautiful brown eyes
mclaren babe they're greenish blue with the TINIEST bit of brown đ
user37 how long you gotta stare at a man's eyes to know the exact paint blend đŤľ
user38 DOWN HORRENDOUSSSSSS
lilyzneimer insert comical heart eyes here
mclaren flirting with your man 𤢠on MY cellular device
lilyzneimer my bad bb, he doesn't mean anything to me anyways đĽ´
oscarpiastri ok what the fuck
danielricciardo DROP THE CAMERA SETTINGS AND MY LIFE IS YOURS
mclaren check dms đ¤˛
danielricciardo thanks love you're the best
landonorris LOVE??? LMAOOOO
user39 bro is losing the dgaf war MISERABLY
user40 the way lando is staring at her the whole time she's behind the camera đŤ oh he's not even down bad, bro's down under
landonorris can i get the camera settings
mclaren has anyone ever told you how good you are at photography?? i'm not saying that, i'm just asking đ
landonorris oKAY fuck you.
user41 the way she doesn't even pretend to care about the results
landonorris i know đ
mclaren i know p13 is nawttt talking back to me right now
user41 OHHH SHE ATE YOU UP HUH
landonorris y'all are some fake ass fans fr
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
8:57 PM.
Y/n stared at the flashing numbers on the digital clock in the boardroom and huffed quietly. The table in front of her was covered in a mix of shredded mozzarella cheese and vibrant, red pizza sauce. Flour with evidence of handprints and bits of pizza dough decorated the wood and the woman internally sighed at the thought of clean up. Eventually she would have to get back to work.
Lando was on his phone across the table from her, and she fought the urge to stare at him. Oscar had left a while ago, having an earlier flight than them out of Canada. Lando and her had made the executive decision to stay and finish the pizza the two men had made during the "not my hands" YouTube challenge. It was messy, and didn't fully resemble a proper pizza, but it tasted good enough if not a little bit burnt. The two had been sitting in a comfortable silence for the time being while they ate.
In the time Y/n had gotten to know the British man, both on and off the track, she found herself warming up to him considerably. He was kinder than she gave him credit for at the beginning of the season, and far funnier. She could see now that more often than not he spoke without thinking or having any consideration, and maybe he was more than a little bit arrogant, but he also felt things deeply and cared passionately.
Before she could think about what she was doing, Lando's eyes met hers and he smirked. Y/n's face burned but she rolled her eyes at him and took another bite of their burnt pizza. Her ears caught the sound of him placing his phone on the table, and when she looked up again he was leaning his body across the table and toward her instead.
"What are you staring at? Hm?" He teased and she scoffed.
"You," she started and took another bite of her pizza, "have pizza sauce all over your face, you idiot. And I'm just thinking, not sure if you're familiar with the concept." He grabbed a napkin quickly and began wiping rapidly at his chin and mouth, and even his nose. She couldn't help but laugh loudly. There was nothing on his face. He was perfect actually. Unfortunately.
"Did I get it? Why didn't you tell me sooner, traitor!" She doubled over but nodded anyways.
"What are you thinking about?" he questioned as he settled back down.
"Just the season, you and Oscar," she muttered.
"Me? Thinking of little ol' me when I'm right here in front of you," she rolled her eyes with a groan.
"You have selective hearing Lando," he laughed and nodded.
"Well what have you thought about it? The season I mean. And myself of course, don't care much what you think about Osc," he leaned on his hand and stared at her intently. Y/n couldn't help that being stared at by Lando felt a little bit like being ocean, being pulled and pushed by the moon's gravity. Her brain didn't work properly around him.
Or maybe I'm just really dramatic and he's just hot, she thought miserably, Probably the latter.
"I just think maybe you and me got off on the wrong foot," she said as she fumbled with the lid of her water bottle, "and I think that maybe I enjoy this job a lot more than I thought I would." The comments seemed to sober Lando's mood up slightly.
Maybe I shouldn't have been truthful. Maybe it shouldn't have been that serious.
"What did you think of me?" He asked quietly. "When you met me I mean."
"Do you want me to be honest?" He looked at her quizzically.
"Of course I want you to be honest Y/n, or I wouldn't have asked."
"I thought you were kind of an asshole," she whispered and he laughed.
"So the beef was real for you," he smiled slightly and she let her face fall gently into her hands.
"Yeah," she breathed out a laugh, "yeah maybe a little."
"Doesn't seem like a little," he goaded and she shot him a glare.
"Okay Lord Lando, maybe more than a little," he pointed at her triumphantly.
"AHA! So it was the instagram comment. I thought you knew I was kidding," A loud groan filled the room as she smacked her head on the table. Lando's giggling could probably be heard down the hall but Y/n found she didn't care all that much anymore.
"It wasn't just the instagram comment," she defended weakly. There was a brief silence as Lando stared into space and shook his head.
"Wow... I can't believe you were actually mad at me and I just didn't know."
"It wasn't that big of a deal I guess, I just felt like you didn't really take me seriously."
"Well I mean you're not a very serious person," Y/n's heart fell to her stomach.
"What?" She asked, staring at him. She couldn't have heard him right.
"Well it's just that you're not very serious are you? Like since I met you, it's never felt like you were a serious sort of person." He added as if that was some sort of defense.
As if that isn't more hurtful.
"You're not like Zak or Andrea, or really anyone else here you know? You're just you, you're different. It was hard to be serious with you here because that's just who you are." He continued.
God just shut up, please for the love of God just shut up.
"This is my place of work Lando," she muttered bitterly. "I mean do you hear yourself." His eyes widened and he put his hands out placatingly. Like she was some sort of rabid animal he needed to calm down.
"No no no," he muttered quickly and stood up to round the table, "that's not what I meant Y/n, you know that."
"Stop Lando, just stop," she said as she began to clear off the table.
Why did she expect him to be different. What made her think he could've changed.
"You made it perfectly clear what you mean. What you think of me and of my work, my career" she spit out, swiping everything on the table into the trash. They hadn't finished eating the pizza and now it was in the bin, but Lando didn't deserve to eat the pizza she helped him make. He didn't deserve to be here at all. He wasn't her friend, he was her coworker and nothing else. It was better she accept that now.
"You misunderstood what I said," he grabbed her arm to stop her from cleaning and she whipped it out of his grasp.
"Stop Lando," she said raising her voice. She knew her eyes were teary but she didn't care. She knew her face was red with embarrassment and her hands were shaking with the force of her humiliation but she didn't care. Lando Norris could go fuck himself.
He looked at her in shock and winced as he saw her face. She steeled herself. She had never cried over a man before, why would she do it now.
"You need to leave, you have a flight in the morning," she said emotionlessly. "And I have to clean so I can go home." He tried to speak and she put her hand up, stepping away from him.
"Get out please, you're in my way," she said and his brows scrunched. He was angry? Good, so was she.
"I'm in your way?" He asked incredulously, as if she didn't have any reason to be upset. "You're not even going to hear me out?" He scoffed.
"No Lando, I don't have time for this. I have a job to do and you're in my way," she said emphasizing the words as if speaking to a child. His face fell. He looked angry.
"Whatever Y/n. What fucking ever," he muttered, grabbing his bag and storming out. Y/n waited. Footsteps in the hallways continued until a far off door slammed.
Y/n wilted like an unwatered plant as tears began to fall.
So much for friends.
She knew deep down she was hurt about much more than just friendship.
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
ââââââ ŕźťâŠâââžââşâ§ŕźş ââââââ
this is the second to last chapter of part one! i hope you enjoy! please feel free to comment and send requests, i'm excited to hear your thoughts <3
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@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666
#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1#f1#f1 smut#f1 x you#formula one#f1 imagine#f1 smau#lando norris smau#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris#racew1nn3rs: fake it till you make it#racew1nn3rs
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Diet Diaries
Hi all! Thank you so much for 500 followers! Here's a little style switch up to celebrate, got a lotta refs in this one and I quite leaned into the diary entries so I hope it's not too much! Hope y'all enjoy this stereotype reversal and as always, best! -Occam
Monday March 21st-
Andy:
I am beyond sick of Steve. Moving in together was a mistake, I donât care how cheap the rent is, he is a narcissistic slob and I am eager to never see him again. Well no, I shouldnât get ahead of myself. Our R.A. had this idea to try and walk in each other's shoes, which I donât know? It might not be the worst thing? My big idea was switching diets actually- honestly Iâm just hoping if he ate more like me heâll stop stinking up the dorm. I can dream at least. Literally though he just canât go to the gym as often if he eats like me. If I'm lucky at the very least his deodorant will last longer, I cannot take another day of his b.o. seeping through the walls, ugh! Anyway, wish me luck! Iâm sure this will be a breeze for me, he usually just eats junk anyway, hope he enjoys my salads~
Steve:
Andy that little fucker. He was being such a little bitch to James and now Iâve gotta eat his rabbit food for a week or lose this bet or whatever. Steve donât lose tho. Lil twinkâs gotta eat whatever I make him too and you can bet your ass Iâm gonna make him match my macros if Iâve gotta starve myself like he wants. Fuck! This shit is going to absolutely tank my routine! Iâve gotta make Andy give up. Iâm gonna go so hard on him heâll have to hit weights if he doesn't want to blow up like a pig. Maybe then heâll stop bitching any time I donât fucking shower every time I get back home.Â
Tuesday March 22nd-
Andy:
My Lord! He is trying to kill me! I donât know how anyone could consistently eat as much as heâs telling me to. Iâm so bloated from all this food.. He looks so smug every time he tells me to keep eating, Iâm sure he doesnât eat like this. Heâs just trying to break me but Iâm not going to let him win this easy.
Ugh, I feel so bloated my pants are so tight on my waist. I didnât think meat sweats were a thing but man I am needing to put on deodorant like twice a day now and Iâm not even exercising. I will say that now that Iâm eating so much, I donât hate the idea of going to the gym. Itâs been a while since I went but I should probably at least hit up the treadmill lest I get even more of a gut- maybe Iâll see if he wants to go tomorrow. This is all just an exercise to understand each other more after all, no need to make it a stupid competition like he wants eh~
Steve:
Fuck! I am so tired of Andyâs pussy-ass diet. I had absolutely no energy at the gym today, I told all my bros that I was just gonna take it easy but fuck! I really was working my ass off and I struggled to even meet a PR I set last week. It was supposed to be a push day and I didnât even get a chest pump! Why the fuck am I still going. Iâm abso-fucking-lutely not getting gains on his fuckinâ bitch-ass salads and oats.
Eatinâ like a fucking twink and the fucker has the nerve to ask to go to the gym with me tomorrow. Iâll make sure he regrets that >:) Gonna work him like a horse so heâll throw in the towel! After feeling how sore actually working on yourself makes ya, he might actually learn something. Iâll turn in early so I can go all out and show him what a real man looks like.
Wednesday March 23rd-
Andrew:
Man! I totally get why Steven eats so much now~ I am absolutely raring to go and get this; He said I could go to the gym with him today! He even seemed like he wanted me to go with him! I feel like I have more energy than Iâve ever had before, I might even try some weights!! I donât know but Iâm so excited! Itâs like I can feel my chest and biceps begging me to go and hit some iron haha! Or whatever those âbrosâ say~ I hope heâs got something good planned for lunch because I fuck Sorry! I just want to show him that I can do all this dude stuff too! Iâm a man right? I guess all this protein is making me feel more like a man than usual idk. Either way though Iâm ready to go! Hope we have some fun!
Steven:
That bitchâs fuckinâ fru fru salads are ruining my PRâs for sure! I bet he knew that when he begged me to take him to the gym today, knew it was the only time he could show off to me was when Iâm so out of it. And he didn't! Just to be clear I could still wipe the floor with him even if Iâm not at my A-game. Ugh, I do gotta hand it to the little fucker though. I KNOW he hasnât even really set foot in a gym before but man. Beginners luck my ass, as soon as I showed him a technique he lifted like heâs been doing it his whole life! Itâs like I could see his pecs and tris swelling up with each lift. Not that I was staring at the bitch or anything but heâs just I just need this fuckinâ diet thing to end so I can get back to my grind, I guess I wouldnât hate taking him to the gym more often, would be hot to make a bitch into a bro Fuck! What am I writing, I just need to lift again.
Thursday March 24th-
Andrew:Â
Bro! Weird? Whatever, I am absolutely on fire! Stevenâs diet is absolutely killer! I donât know how itâs working so well but man I couldnât care less, I felt like a pro in there! My coaches in school would always shit on me for not trying but man! I was barely trying yesterday but I could tell from the look on Stevenâs face that I was acing it! I guess Iâll have to admit to him that he is definitely onto something with his macros but man, not until he gives up haha! Man, I need to chill haha, itâs not like Iâm any stronger than I was Monday but man, looking at myself in the mirror it just seems like my clothes are just fitting better. Catching on my chest rather than my stomach yâknow? Iâve never noticed that there is muscle on my arms before but man the way my sleeves are kinda hugging my biceps mm. I need to chill haha! Canât use all my energy before hitting the gym again today!
OH! Also totally weird, Iâve had to shave twice this week! Once last night and then again this morning which is so weird! Iâm not complaining though, itâs not like I wouldnt look hot with a beard right? Although my face is a little itchy already, my chest too? Whatever though haha! Time to head back to the grind lol!
Steven:
God!! Andy Andrew is being such an asshole! Heâs clogging the sink shaving which I know he would so be on my ass if I had done that. Wait, he did get on my ass for shaving! But it hasnât been a problem this week, itâs like Iâm not even growing stubble for some reason? Probably from not working so hard at the gym, is that how that works? Whatever itâll be over as soon as this stupid diet thing is. Weâre halfway through now. Thank God! Because that fucking twink is starting to stink up the dorm which again!! He was such a little bitch all the time to me about that! Itâs like heâs literally stopped using deodorant as soon as he started needing it! Heâs never exerted himself in his life and now that his pits are sweating at all heâs suddenly allergic to hygiene, ugh! I saw last night too the fucker fell asleep with his head in his pit too so itâs not like he doesnât know it.Â
It was a little surprising actually, cause I wouldâve sworn he was hairless like one of those freak cats but man his pit was as thick as my pubes! Thicker maybe, uh? Man I wish I could get that image out of my head, itâs like the tuft was pushing out further each time he inhaled, man thatâs kinda hot? Fuck! I swear this twink-ass diet is making me think like him too. I need to sneak to the gym later, without him. I cannot have him getting ahead even while Iâm still on his chickenshit diet.
Friday March 25th-
Steven:
Ah!! That Little bitch! He was already at the gym when I got there! Ugh! It makes me want to punch a wall, or fight him. Or something I dont know! Itâs just, he was lifting my body weight on the bench when he saw me, it was so ho ugh! It doesnât matter what it was, I canât stop thinking of that smug look on his face- what I would give to wipe it off⌠That absolute prick knew what he was doing. Ugh, speaking of pricks! He may as well have not been wearing shorts at all by how much his cock was showing through them.
I knew my meal prepping was fucking tight but man, I canât believe hot its made him. It just really fucking turns me on, or no its such a turn on for chicks. Yeah. Whatever. I need this bet to end already. Clearly heâs totally obsessed with my lifestyle so he should just admit it already! Also, hate to say it, but to Andrewâs credit his diet ain't too bad either. Iâd never tell him this, and it is all a little emasculating but my skin has never looked this good. Iâm not even doing skincare or anything but itâs like Iâve been on a routine for years, itâs crazy! Itâs still ruining my upper gains but man, my ass looks so good it's crazy..
Oh also re: facial hair, I woke up this morning and couldâve sworn I used to have chest hair but now it looks like Iâve got just a little left around my nipples and leading up from my pubes? I might go ahead and shave those too, might as well be totally smooth like a chick right haha, I wonder what Andrew would think? I need to chill haha, maybe Iâll go see if heâs still at the gym~
Andrew:
Fuuuuck dude lol. I shouldâve started hitting up the gym ages ago. Donât know what I was even wasting time on before I started doing twice-a-days? Studying I guess but I can figure that shit stuff out hm. Fuck it is so much better to be strong than a dweeb. Every set it feels like Iâm just busting out new PRâs! Gonna need to buy new clothes though cause I am absolutely tearing up my crop tops, my twinky little wardrobe just isnât cutting it anymore. Maybe Stevenâd be down for a clothes swap, Iâve seen him eying up my fits all week, god knows heâll fit them better lol. Oh haha, and speaking of him eying things up >:) You shouldâve seen his little face blush when he walked into the gym this morning! He looked so pissed at me lol, but Iâm not gonna grab him to come along every time I need to get some sets in right? It was pretty embarrassing for him yesterday anyway, the way I showed him up lol. Iâm not just gonna sit around and watch him not lift weights when I can figure this shit out myself, thought it was supposed to be his thing though lol.
Mm, saying that though, I def didnât hate having a little audience from his treadmill. God, his blushing face as he stared directly at my work-out chub. Fuck, it really got me going. It really helped my sets too haha. Maybe I should hit him up lol, I can tell how bad he wants me >:)
Saturday March 26th-
Stevie:
Ugh! That douche is walking around the dorm completely shirtless! Do you know what itâs like to have an oaf flexing away across the room from you 24/7! He knows what heâs doing, and thank god my dick isnât showing through my shorts like I thought it usually does because he might literally pounce on me then-
Ugh! I didnât even mention this morning. I literally woke up to him jacking off his morning wood! Do you know what a bitch-fit he would have thrown if I did that! He wouldâve filed a police report, probably the dweeb, or. I guess I could too?? But it was just so fucking hot. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but he totally caught me. He literally smirked and made eye contact as he finished too- thank god he didnât see my boner as he asked if I wanted to clean up his mess. Heâs such an ass!Â
I still have a boner now actually, itâs his B.O. driving me actually crazy! Itâs like I canât think near him if heâs going to stink this bad god.. Oh, heâs doing pullups on the door frame fuck. Heâs supposed to be hairless but I see sweat dripping from his pits god I can't. God with each pull up his chest looks even more powerful. His cock is bobbing up and down in his pants and I can not look away. Fuck itâs getting even bigger. Iâm supposed to be the strong one right? Itâs not, fuck. This isnât right. He just so fucking, god that body, I need him-
And Drew:
Heh. I knew that fucking twink couldnât resist me. Every little thing I do wraps him even tighter around my finger. Every flex and smirk turns him on even more I bet he canât even think straight the way his little dick is losing it in his briefs- I took all his jocks since Iâm sure he would need them anymore. Bet the little bitch didnât even remember they were his. Â
Might as well have been drooling when he saw me jacking my cock this morning lol, surprised he didnât take me up on the offer to lick up the mess. I know he wanted to lol. Heâll get the chance soon enough though >:) God itâs a two-way street though. That fucking twink is so fuckable now, thank god he doesnât need to shave anymore, donât want his peachfuzz scratching my cock cause god that mouth is so fuckable now.. To say nothing of his fucking juicy ass, god! Iâve been working out in the room all morning waiting for him to give in and ask me to fuck him, idk if I can hold it in much longer. I might need to jack it again, my balls are bluer than I ever thought they could be, fuck. Itâs like they're sore. Ugh I feel them getting heavier, heh, that little fucker cant resist though. God I feel precum starting to pool in my jock. If I put my pit within a foot of his face I give him five before he canât help but shove his face in. I need to fuck him, but as if Iâm going to let him see how desperate I am. Stevie that little fucker. Heâll be riding my cock any second now.
Sunday March 27th-
Stevie:
Fuck <3 !! He finally fucked me!! God, it was like nothing Iâve experienced before~ His cock was like a beer can and goddd the scratch of his beard as we were making out.. Hehe if I keep thinking about him I might just cum again right now! He can fully toss my body like a ragdoll and Iâd thank him ugh! Heâs just so hot, and to think he wants to fuck me!! Ah~ Iâll need to keep myself pretty so he wonât get tired of me hehe! Not that itâll be a problem, I just need to keep on his diet, God who knew it would be this good! I donât even remember whatever problems we had before all this and I canât imagine anything better than getting fucked by him <3 Ah! He he~ Heâs staring at my ass right now so I guess itâs time for another round! Canât thank our R.A. enough for this idea, well he he Iâve got an idea for how to thank him, oh! Drewâs ripped off his jock! Wish me luck he he~
Drew:
My little bitch is so tight, fuck. Iâm surprised he can even take my cock but god can he ride it. Gonna have a hard time taking a break from fucking him to even hit the gym. Need to make sure the twink keeps up the diet tho or weâll have an issue. Be sure to make him come to the gym whenever I do, if not to tighten up then to watch me heh. Wonât hate fucking him in the locker room too. Mm, God his fucking tiny body makes me feel so powerful. And I fucking am. God my bis are the size of his thick thighs, fuck his ass. My cock is straining my jock just thinking about it. His tiny waist ugh, I need my sweaty body over him now. Not like heâll mind, the horny fucker. Mmm hope heâs ready to take my cock, bet his mouth is already watering heh. Pop my pecs at him and heâll struggle not to cum on the spot, he better keep it together until I let him though. Canât be having my bitch blow his load that fast. Thank fuck heâs chilled out finally, though I guess my cockâll work wonders on anyone >:) speaking of itâs about that time again. Hope heâs ready for some more action, hate to have to find another hole.
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â๨ŕ§ËâĄË࣪ you know i got a soft spot for you !!
á°.á peak romance is when you realize that he's got a soft spot for you. alternatively: a headcanon post about the specific things he only does for you or the specific things you do to him that only you can get away with. ( fem!reader & sfw )
featuring osamu miya, tobio kageyama, kiyoomi sakusa author's notes damn, y'all just let hq win every poll, don't you?? haha jk, im happy to write whatever u guys wanna see. keshi's song has been stuck in my head all day (is this my socal abg transformation?? [guys im 100% viet, im allowed to make that joke]) i definitely still want to make a bllk version + if you guys like this, i'm always open to more characters <3
๨ৠOSAMU MIYA â gives you the first and last bite of his food why it's special: osamu takes being a foodie to the next level. the man can eat, and he loves to do so. ever since elementary, his classmates and friends learned better than to ask osamu to share any of his snacks. he's not rude about it, per se, but you can tell that he packed his food with the intention of him and only him consuming it. him and atsumu even get into verbal altercations over who ate the last snack in the pantry. osamu just loves food â so it's pretty obvious that he must really love you a lot to always offer you the first bite of a meal at the restaurant he's spent weeks waiting to open.
"and anyway, that's whenâ hey, what the hell!" bits of rice fly out of atsumu's mouth whenever he watches osamu give you the first serving of grilled meat. you and osamu invited atsumu out to eat, to celebrate him joining the msby black jackals, and because everyone was craving bbq, you all agreed on the same restaurant (for once). osamu is naturally in charge of grilling the meats. what throws his twin off guard, though, is the fact that osamu is serving you first. "what's the matter? and finish chewing before you speak, damn." osamu huffs, before beginning to assemble portions of the side dishes on your plate as well. atsumu looks at his own empty plate before looking at osamu's empty plate. "geez, [name], how'd you do it?" you look up from your food to answer atsumu. "do what?" "this selfish, gluttonous bastard never lets anyone else eat first!" atsumu tells you, and you just laugh as osamu starts swearing at his brother. "well," you tell atsumu brightly, once his argument with osamu is settling down. "osamu's always lets me eat first. he insists, really." osamu has to tell atsumu to shut the hell up and stop whining before he doesn't get any food at all.
๨ৠTOBIO KAGEYAMA â takes pictures of you why it's special: tobio kageyama's camera roll before you consists of screenshots (some are accidental, such as the ones of his lock screen, or it's usually different athletic gear he wants to check out), photos of maps (because he is directionally challenged everywhere except for the court), and sometimes of virtual tickets (for when he actually does attend an event, usually for sports). tobio kageyama's camera roll after you consists of the same stuff, pretty much... except for the fact that there are now hundreds of photos he takes of you. he's not one to take pictures; he's a bit awkward around a camera, really, but he realizes soon after getting with you that he doesn't mind being in front of a camera as long as you're posing with him. he takes so many candids of you, like when you're washing the dishes or drifting off to sleep on the couch after bingewatching a tv show. if pictures are worth a thousand words, he's said "i love you" over a million times.
"oh my gosh, delete that!" you shriek, trying to make a mad grab for your boyfriend's phone. his reflexes are quicker, though, and he holds it out of your reach. "why would i delete it?" he asks innocently. "you look cute." the photo in question is the one he just took. the two of you ordered ramen for takeout, and yours was made spicier than usual. your lips feel swollen, and they're kind of stained red from the spices used, and the image captures that, but also highlights the tears welling up in the corner of your eyes as you're in the middle of a massive bite of noodles. "i look like i'm the thumbnail for a 'mukbangers who took it too far and died' video!" you wail. "delete it, tobio!" "but you look cute." he stands his ground, pouting a bit. "that's not fair. do not make that face." you groan, turning to look away from your boyfriend. honestly, with a face like that, it's no wonder why you couldn't force him to delete any pics of you. he's just too damn good at whittling away your resolve. "i think i'm gonna make it my lockscreen." he muses.
๨ৠKIYOOMI SAKUSA â lets you make a mess of his things why it's special: kiyoomi is very particular about his personal belongings. he doesn't let his teammates borrow any of his training equipment. he refuses to wash his jersey with the rest of the team's, and instead, gets it professionally cleaned elsewhere. in the beginning of your relationship, kiyoomi always offered to wash the dishes, purely because he would only trust that it was truly cleaned if he could confirm that they were well scrubbed. the closer you two get, though, the more the boundaries blur. soon, his stuff gets mixed in with yours. you're doing the laundry together. he gives you his pillow when yours gets too warm. there's intimacy in that, even more so when you consider how prickly kiyoomi gets with these things.
"kiyoomi! you're home early!" fuck fuck fuck, is what's going on in your internal dialogue. you're baking a cake for dessert, only the mixer had a mind of its own, and you ended up covered in sugar, spice, and everything nice. which isn't that big of a deal. you already wiped down the counters, mopped the floors, and got started on the dishes. the only issue is that when you're at home, you have a habit of stealing kiyoomi's clothes. right now, you've still got on his sweatshirt. his nice, pristine, fresh from the laundry sweatshirt... that is now covered in nothing but flour and cake mix. you were going to wash it, honest! it's just... cleaning the kitchen took more time than you anticipated, and kiyoomi was supposed to stay at the gym for the whole day. he knows that that sweatshirt is his. you expect your boyfriend's eye to twitch, or for him to frown, or to even complain that you just ruined his very nice and outrageously priced hoodie. instead, he walks over to you, and places a kiss on your forehead. you've got flour all over you, including your hair, and surely he's got some flour on his lips now. he doesn't complain or say anything about the ruined sweatshirt. he just says, "thanks for baking. i'm going to go shower."
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu headcanons#drabble#fluff#osamu miya x reader#tobio kageyama x reader#kiyoomi sakusa x reader
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Part 8: The Toxic In Intoxication
Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 9 - Part 10
Your mouth is poison (your mouth is wine)
(In which an all over the place writer, writes something that's a little bit all over the place)
Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd
Themes: Angst, Fluff, Jealousy,
Words: 9.0K
TW: Swearing, a little bit of violence, mentions of blood, men being men
A/N: Hi lovelies :) Unfortunately, as I've been warning y'all for a while, the deadline did finally slip through my fingers. However I'm hoping y'all will forgive me for it because I am only one day late and this chapter is quite long. I do wanna warn y'all in advance that there won't be a chapter next week because I am going on vacation and my laptop is staying very, very far away from me. There's a lot going on in this chapter and I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing but I'm hoping y'all will enjoy it anyways. I did actually edit this time but who knows how successful that was, so please let me know about typos/mistakes. As always, feel free to tell me about what you liked, what you disliked and anything you'd like to see going forward. Have a lovely rest of your weeks my loves <3
August 2025
Azzi Fudd is a spectacular liar. She excels at keeping up a façade of yes everything is perfectly fine in front of her friends and family. Sheâs quite good at tricking people she can barely stand into thinking oh yes iâm totally enjoying this conversation. But the person Azzi lies the most to, is without a doubt herself. As she steps out of the car into the hot Indiana air, bustling with noises from the growing crowd inside, Azzi internally repeats a lie to herself again: she did not show up to all-star weekend for a glimpse of her ex girlfriend. Sheâs here, as per Colleenâs managerial advice, to build connections, to further her career and to expand on opportunities in the basketball world. The fact that Paige Bueckers, who Azzi hasnât seen in three months -the longest period of time theyâd spent apart since sheâd started at UConn- is definitely also going to be attending tonightâs party, is merely a happenstance.Â
Taking a deep breath, Azzi puts one kitten heeled foot in front of the other, trying to ignore her heightened nerves. This isnât her preferred scene by any means. Sheâd much rather be back in her hotel room, curled on her couch with a book and a pint of ice cream. Itâs not that Azzi doesnât like parties; she has her fair share of fun at Tedâs, but itâs the unfamiliarity of the environment and the lack of that once ever present comforting hand that used to tap out iâm here for you against the back of her own at big events like these, that has her yearning to crawl back into the car and hide away.Â
âAzzi?â a familiar voice calls from behind her and Azzi lets out a sigh of relief as she sees Aaliyah walking towards her with a large welcoming grin, âAzeray!â
âLi-Li. Thank god youâre here,â Azzi reaches up to hug her former teammate, mentally thanking whatever god was looking out for her. Sheâd dreaded walking in by herself and now she wouldnât have to. Really she probably should probably send Coach a âthank youâ text for having so many alumni in the league that there was bound to be a Husky she could attach herself to for the night.Â
âIâm glad to see you too Az,â Aaliyah says, pulling away and looking at Azzi with a semi-concerned look, âbut you seem a little extra relieved to see me? You good dude?â
âJust- just a little nervous,â Azzi admits, shuffling her feet uneasily.Â
Realization dawns on Aaliyahâs face, âcause of Paige?â
âNo you know I donât like big unfamiliar places,â Azzi sighs when Aaliayh gives her a pointed look, âbut I guess maybe- maybe a little cause of Paige.â
The Mystics forward shakes her head before linking her arms through Azziâs, âI swear, I leave yâall for one year and everything implodes-," she bites her tongue, "shit was that insensitive?â
âNo,â Azzi grimaces, âthatâs pretty much exactly what happened.â
Something hard coils in her stomach at Aaliyahâs words. The truth is theyâd been fine. Better than fine even. And then suddenly Azzi was lighting a box of matches she hadnât even known she was holding and her whole world was on fire; an implosion of everything Azzi had once thought inflammable. Sheâd burned her hands trying to rescue them and all she has to show for it are invisible red hot pustules that refuse to heal. But perhaps, she thinks, thatâs what a pyromaniac like her had deserved.Â
Azzi cowers under the flashing lights of the cameras, clinging tighter to Aaliyahâs arm as the two of them make their way onto the orange carpet, the cameramen immediately swinging their devices to capture the college basketball player more than likely to be the number one pick in next yearâs WNBA draft. She feels herself tense under their piercing gaze, anchored only by Aaliyah's strong and steady presence next to her. And as they pose for the cameras, sheâs thankful for her former teammateâs company but she canât shake the feeling that it should have been someone else.Â
âAnd look who we have here,â Lexie Brown says excitedly as the two of them approach the interviewer, âyâall Huskies clean up nice.â
âWe try, we try,â Aaliyah answers charismatically, doing a little hair flip to match her tone.Â
âAaliyah, it's your first all-star nod, how are you feeling?âÂ
âI feel great, you know itâs always good to see yourself being acknowledged and being an all-star has always been a goal of mine. So, I hope itâs the first of many and Iâm just hoping my team gets the W tomorrow,â Aaliyah answers diplomatically.
Lexie turns to Azzi, âI bet youâre really proud of her. I mean youâve got a couple of teammates who are first-time all stars between Aaliyah and Paige. Youâve gotta be feeling pretty proud of themâ
âY-yeah I mean,â Azzi clears her throat, trying not to flinch at the mention of Paigeâs name, âItâs been- itâs been really exciting to watch them and Iâm extremely proud-â
Sheâs cut off by the sound of excited chatter filling up the air and Azzi doesnât have to turn around to know whoâs just entered the premises. Not when she has a whole separate sensory system that flares up just for her. Azziâs skin prickles as she registers the sound of familiar peals of laughter echoing from the orange carpet. She digs her nails into the palm of her hand, forcing herself not to turn around.Â
âSpeak of the devil,â Lexie says goodnaturedly, getting her hand ready to beckon the blonde over and Azzi feels panic suffocate her lungs, not quite ready to face Paige yet.Â
âOh I donât think-â Aaliyah tries to cut in, glancing worriedly at her friend but itâs too late.Â
âPaige,â Lexie calls out, beaming over Azziâs head at the Dallas Wingsâ newest star point guard.Â
The world seems to move in slow motion as Azzi feels Paige getting closer and closer to her. She smells the faint scent of fresh mint weaved with a hint of citrus first. Then she hears the sound of Paigeâs breathing, perfectly even to anybody else but Azzi can hear the staggered harshness hidden beneath it. And as the blonde passes over her to settle on Lexiâs other side, she feels Paigeâs arm brush against her own and it hurts to breathe. The contact lasts for a second but Azzi swears itâll last forever, tattooing itself on her bicep as a wretched reminder of a touch sheâs no longer allowed to crave.Â
Itâs funny, thereâs a hurricane swirling between them and Paige can barely look at Azzi, keeping her eyes firmly on Lexie and Aaliyah as she greets the trio. And yet, thereâs a sense of calm -of peace- that seems to wash over Azzi just by having Paige near her again. The older woman seems to possess some sort of magical power that weaves itself into Azziâs nervous system, soothing away her frazzled nerves with an unspoken promise of and if you give me the chance iâll make it all okay.Â
Despite the hectic transition from a full college season to a frantic W season, Paige looks ethereal as always. Her two piece cropped vest top and straight fitted pants match the color of her eyes and a silver chain dangles across her chest. Two strands of blonde hair hide her signature diamond studs, the rest of it pulled back into a slightly messy bun. Azzi gulps at the way the vest top parts right above her midriff, Paigeâs toned abs playing peek-a-boo behind it. She lets her eyes roam over Paigeâs exposed arms, trying to ignore memories of how they used to go taut under her touch, down to the blondeâs bare fingers and she feels her heart constrict. No rings. It feels wrong. But then again, nothing has felt right for three months.Â
âAzzi,â Aaliyah hisses and Azzi snaps out of her thoughts, realizing sheâd been asked a question.Â
âSorry,â she laughs nervously, moving a strand of her hair out of her face; Paigeâs eyes intently following the movement, âwhat was the question.â
Lexie smiles, âI was just asking about your thoughts on Paigeâs amazing rookie year so far?â
âOh um-â Azzi hesitates, shivers inching up her spine as she feels Paige drinking in the sight of the her body like she's a woman parched, âIâm just-â their eyes lock with each otherâs and everything else seems to vanish until it feels like itâs just the two of them floating in between remnants of what they used to be, âIâm just really proud of her. I always knew sheâd be amazing. Sheâs just doing what she always does. Being the best player she can be. So yeah Iâm just- Iâm just really proud of her.â
And Azzi doesnât know how they got to this point where Paige seems almost shocked that Azzi could be proud of her, to this point where thereâs droplets threatening to spill over both of their water lines and they no longer have the right to wipe each otherâs tears away.Â
âAww,â Lexie coos, oblivious to the tension, âwell on that sweet note, off yâall go and weâll see yâall later.â
The walk into the party is kept alive with Aaliyahâs attempt at keeping a conversation going. While Paige tries to at least entertain some of, Azzi finds herself completely zoning out until they finally make their way inside into the cacophony of music and laughter.Â
âYâall wanna get-â Aaliyah begins.
âI see Jewell and TĂŠa,â Paige cuts her off immediately, her legs already moving in a rush, âIâll see yâall later.â
She gives Aaliyah a tentative grin but barely looks at Azzi as she practically trips over her pant-sleeves trying to get away. It feels like somethingâs biting against her skin, sharp teeth indenting you did this to yourself as Azzi watches Paige walk away. She watches as the tension slowly leaves the blondeâs muscles as sheâs pulled into a hug by Jewell and then by TĂŠa. The fake smile that sheâd politely kept on her face the last couple of minutes for the sake of the cameras and reporters is replaced by something far more genuine. Azzi watches as Paige is absorbed into the warmth of the growing crowd, embraced by a league that adores her, and she feels the ice cold pinch of she belongs somewhere without you now start to freeze her own heart.Â
***
Azziâs doing fine. Sheâs gotten through the night with Aaliyah by her side, making small talk with a bunch of different players and sheâs managed to keep a friendly smile the whole time. Sheâd even danced for a little bit, letting loose with some of the other college basketball players that had made the trip to Indianapolis. Sure, sheâd occasionally been distracted by her eyes flickering over to the bar and finding a new pretty influencer batting their fake eyelashes at Paige but really sheâs doing fine. Her headâs a little dizzy and maybe the third shot of tequila, influenced by a one leggy brunette that had gotten a little too handsy, wasnât her brightest decision of the night but really, Azziâs doing fine.Â
Until sheâs not.Â
And itâs Paige's fault. She had to know that it would be Azziâs last straw. She had to know that Azzi could live with watching a thousand girls flirt with Paige as long as the blonde in question stood rigidly by the bar doing nothing but smiling politely at them. She had to know that Azzi, after having spent most of their college life watching girls fawn over her girlfriend, could deal with the flirty hands that lingered just a little too long on Paigeâs bicep. But itâs when Paige leans into this one girl -whose dark curls and tanned caramel skin are just a little too reminiscent of her own- when Paigeâs lips graze just a little to close this one girlâs ear, that Azzi realizes sheâs decidedly not fine.Â
âI need some air,â she manages to bite out, ignoring Aaliyahâs concerned look as she marches out the back door, heading towards the deck.Â
Azzi buries her face in her hands as she leans back against the brick wall. She knows sheâs being unfair; knows she has absolutely no right to feel this way but something burns within her anyways and the light breeze does nothing to cool it down.Â
âIâm not cheating on you,â a harsh voice interrupts her pity party and Azzi sucks in a sharp breath, âWeâre not together and I can flirt or kiss or fuck-â she flinches, âanyone if I want to.â
âI know.â
âDo you?â Paigeâs voice is laced with accusation, âbecause the way you just stormed out says otherwise.â
Azzi continues to keep her head in her palms, refusing to look at the blonde, âitâs hot and stuffy in there. I just needed some fresh air.â
âDonât you ever get tired of lying,â Paige spits out.Â
âWell what do you want me to say instead?â Azzi finally looks up, her even cadence in stark contrast to Paigeâs fiery tone, âI know weâre not together-â
âBecause thatâs what you wanted-â
âI know,â Azzi yells, and then quieter, âI know. I know I- I know I did this. But that- that doesnât make it any easier to see you with someone else,â she swallows, âdoesnât mean it doesnât hurt. Doesnât mean I donât miss you.â
Paige scoffs, rubbing her face as she begins to pace, âyou miss me? I was at Mohegan when yâall had summer camp. The whole team showed up to the game except for you and you want me to believe that you miss me?â
âI didnât think youâd want me there,â Azzi confesses in a whisper, âyou were so mad at me after-after everything- and I just- I didnât want to ruin coming back to Connecticut for you.â
âFor me,â Paige lets out a laugh devoid of any emotion, âgod Azzi there you go again with this fake âselflessâ bullshit.â
A thousand and one retorts die on the tip of Azziâs tongue as she shakes her head and pushes herself off the wall. She can smell the alcohol on Paige, can tell the blonde is itching for an argument but all she feels is pure exhaustion.Â
 âI donât wanna fight Paige. Iâm tired and I just-â she bites her lip, fighting the urge to caress Paigeâs cheek, âbelieve it or donât but- I really do miss you.â
Sparks of electricity dance their way through Azziâs veins when Paige curls a hand around her wrist, stopping her in her tracks from going inside. And suddenly she doesnât feel so cold anymore.Â
âDance with me,â Paige whispers.Â
âWhat?âÂ
Paige shrugs, tugging on Azziâs hand to pull her closer, âyou said you donât wanna fight and I- I donât want you to go,â the confession hangs between them as Paigeâs hands fall to Azziâs waist, âso- letâs just- letâs pretend.â
âWhat are we pretending?â Azzi asks quietly and despite the warnings ringing in her head, she wraps her arms around Paigeâs neck. It feels like coming home.Â
âWeâre pretending that weâre okay,â Paige says softly, holding Azziâs hips as she begins to sway them gently, âweâre pretending that three months ago you said yes.â
âPaige-â
âClose your eyes Azzi,â the blond waves her hand gently across Azziâs face, willing both of their eyelids to flutter shut, âweâre pretending that weâre not here- weâre in Minnesota or DC or I donât know just- anywhere. And our families are here, laughing and talking and some sappy romantic song is playing. It's the best day of our lives and weâre both- we're both dressed in white-â
âPaige,â Azzi lets out a sob, as she begins to understand the picture Paige is painting for them; a picture drawn on a canvas that Azzi had torn up before any color could touch it
âSshhhh just- let me have this okay,â Paigeâs voice trembles as she leans her forehead against Azziâs, âif I canât have it for real, please just let me pretend.â
If they were both just a little bit more sober, maybe Azzi would fight Paigeâs tightening grip. If they were both just a little bit more sober, maybe Paige would let go. Instead Azzi lets Paige play pretend, lets them keep their bodies pressed against each other, moving from side to side in rhythm with the wind.Â
It isnât until she hears footsteps approaching them that Azzi hurriedly moves away first and she can see the betrayal of if only youâd just let me hold you in front of the world written all over Paigeâs face. Theyâre both quick to swap their tears for smiles that donât reach their eyes as they turn to face the intruders. And Azzi wonders if Paige wishes sheâd drank a little bit more too. Because maybe if they were both just a little more drunk, then tomorrow they wouldnât have to remember just how right it had felt to play pretend tonight.Â
April 2033Â
âYou look so pretty Mama,â Stephie gushes from where sheâs perched on the bed as she watches Azzi put the finishing touches to her makeup
âThanks baby,â Azzi smiles, blowing a kiss in the mirror.Â
âMiss Buecks,â Stephie flips the running facetime call, skipping over to her mother with the phone in her hand, âdoesnât Mama look beautiful?â
Sixteen years later, and maybe itâs because of all the time theyâd missed in between, but Azzi canât help the bout of shyness that flushes across her features when Stephie places the phone, Paigeâs face illuminated all over it, against the mirror so the blonde can get a proper look at Azziâs outfit.
âYou look-â Paige clears her throat, eyes dilated as they rake over Azziâs whole body, âyou look phenomenal.â
âBig word Bueckers,â Azzi teases, trying to disguise her blush, âdid you just learn it?â
Paige rolls her eyes, âcanât even give you a compliment without an insult Fudd.â
âYou guys argue too much,â Stephie says exasperatedly, shaking her head at the two adults who laugh. The younger girl sometimes seems far wise beyond her age.Â
âWeâre not arguing Stephie, weâre just-â Azzi struggles to think of a word.Â
âForeplaying,â Paige mutters under her breath and Azzi immediately glares at her.Â
âPaige!â
Stephie scrunches up her nose at the screen, âwhat does that mean?â
âNothing,â Azzi says shrilly, âMiss Buecks is just making up words.â
âWhy would Miss Buecks do that?â Stephie asks, looking back and forth between her mother and the screen.Â
âWhy does Miss Buecks do anything,â Azzi babbles, as she begins to usher Stephie out of her room, âgo grab your things Stephie-bean. Mamaâs almost ready to drop you off at Nana and Popâs house.â
Stephie pouts, âI wanna go to the party with you and Miss Buecks. Itâs no fair you both get to go and I donât,â she picks up the phone, looking at Paige with wide guilt-tripping eyes, âdonât you love me Miss Buecks?â
Azzi has to hand it to her daughter. Sheâs a smart one to choose Paige as the victim of her emotional blackmail, knowing her wiles had long stopped working on her mother.Â
âYou know Iâd take you with me if I could Stephie,â Paige says, âbut Iâll make it up to you tomorrow I swear.â
Stephie smiles and Azzi shakes her head at how quickly the five-year oldâs plan had worked, âyouâll take me to the park and then weâll get fries and then get ice cream?â
âThatâs a lot of junk food Steph-â
âSsshh Mama,â Stephie chides, âthis is between me and Miss Buecks.â
âThe park, then fries, then ice cream it is,â Paige concedes and Azzi rolls her eyes.Â
Stephie grins brightly, puckering her lips to kiss Paige through the phone and eliciting a laugh from the older woman when she cheers, âyouâre the best-est-est Miss Buecks. See you in a little bit. Donât hang up without saying goodnight.â
âI promise I wonât,â Paige calls out after the little girl as Stepehie hands the phone back to Azzi and starts skipping towards her room.Â
Azzi gives the blonde a look, âwe have got to have a conversation about you learning to say no to her.â
Paige shrugs unhelpfully, âI donât want to learn how to say no to her.â
âYouâre a lost cause,â Azzi remarks, hands on hips, âand foreplay? Seriously? Us bickering is not foreplay.â
âWell it could be if youâd just let me fuck you after,â Paige grumbles and Azziâs mouth falls open at the bluntness of it.Â
âYou say the most romantic things to me Paige Bueckers.â
Theyâre both quiet for a second as Azzi moves around her room, collecting her wallet and keys and to put into her purse.Â
âYou know thereâs still time for me to come pick you up,â Paige says finally.
âPaige,â Azzi sighs, not wanting a rerun of the same argument theyâve been having for the last week. She knows itâs a touchy subject for Paige; that it veers a little too close to insecurities that stem from their past but sheâs not quite ready to take this step yet. There isnât quite any rhyme or reason to her logic except well, sheâs haunted by memories of the last time theyâd let the personal mix with the professional. Her phone still holds invitations to countless team reunions that sheâd actively avoided and a group chat that sheâs long muted. Azzi hasnât stepped foot in the state of Connecticut since sheâd entered the draft; she refuses to lose California too.Â
âTeammates can carpool,â Paige explains vehemently, âitâs easily explainable.â
âI know-â
âIs this about ClĂŠmence?â bitterness tinges the edge of Paigeâs voice as she chews her bottom lip. And there it is, the other subject theyâd been tip-toeing around since it had been brought up at breakfast a week ago. Paige and Azzi are both excellent at avoiding talking about the harder topics but theyâve never quite managed to let anything go forever.Â
âWhy would this be about ClĂŠmence?âÂ
Paige narrows her eyes, sitting up from where sheâd previously been lounging against her pillow, âmaybe you donât want her to see us together? Maybe youâre trying to spare her feelings I donât know.â
âPaige-â
âYou know what itâs fine,â Paige huffs, âIâll see you at the bar Azzi.â
She hangs up before Azzi can say anything and the brunette lets out a litany of curses under her breath, annoyed with Paigeâs ability to go from A to Z by skipping everything in between. Thereâs a part of her that knows Paige deserves an explanation about ClĂŠmence, a chance to have her lingering doubts confirmed or denied, but amidst the egoistic thoughts of well she married someone else and the self preservationist urge to prevent a potential fight, she hadnât been brave enough to approach the topic just quite yet. Azziâs about to step out of the room, when her phone pings with a facetime call from Paige again.Â
âAre you calling to apologize for hanging up?â Azzi asks with a frown.Â
âNo,â Paige replies stubbornly, âI called because I hung up without saying goodnight to Stephie and just because Iâm mad at you doesnât mean Iâm gonna miss saying goodnight to her.â
Something wonderful and warm blooms in Azziâs chest as she silently walks over to Stephieâs room. This is a new chapter in Paigeâs storybook that sheâs slowly beginning to read; one scribbled with the blondeâs devotion to Azziâs baby girl. Azzi still has every other chapter memorized; had thought nothing could be more beautiful than the words within the one that had been dedicated to her. But sheâd been wrong. Because every day that she watches Paige and Stephie fall more and more in love with each other, she finds herself falling in love with how much they love each other.Â
âMiss Buecks,â Stephie squeals, practically snatching the phone from her motherâs hand as she goofily grins at the screen, âyou didnât hang up.â
âI promised I wouldnât,â Paige says, the hardness that had existed in her voice while talking to Azzi, dissolving into adulation, âyou be good for Nana and Pops okay?â
âIâm always good,â Stephie says matter-of-factly, âcan you come over really, really, early tomorrow?â
Paige laughs, âIâll be there as soon as I wake up.â
âGood,â Stephie claps contentedly as she grabs Azziâs hand to start walking towards the car, âgood night Miss Buecks.â
âGood night Stephie-bean,â Paige echoes, blowing a kiss through the screen.Â
âPaige,â Azzi says urgently, trying to stop the older woman from hanging up, âcan you just hold on a second while I buckle Stephie in.â
âAz-â
âPlease.â
âFine,â Paige says, averting Azziâs gaze as she sulks.Â
Azzi lifts Stephie onto the car seat, fastening her seatbelt and pressing a kiss to her daughterâs cheek, before she closes the car door and uses it as a stabilizing structure to lean on as she pulls her phone back in front of her.Â
âHey,â she whispers.Â
âHi,â Paige says back begrudgingly, âyou wanted to say something?â
âI-â Azzi swallows, âdonât go the bar-â
âOh fantastic,â Paige cuts her off, her voice furious as she glares daggers at Azzi through the phone, ânot only do you not want to go to the bar together, you donât want me to go at all. Fine. Okay. Whatever. I wonât go. You have the time of your life with fucking Clementine or whatever-â
âYet,â Azzi says loudly, trying to speak over Paigeâs angry rant, âdonât go to the bar yet.â
âWhat?âÂ
Azzi licks her lips, âdonât go yet. Iâm gonna drop Stephie off at my parents-â
âWhat does that have to-â
âWill you just let me fucking finish?â Azzi almost bangs her fist on the car in frustration and sheâs glad to see that it makes Paige look just a little bit sheepish, âas I was saying. Iâm gonna drop Stephie off at my parents and uh- your house- itâs um- itâs on the way to the bar so I thought,â she shrugs with fake nonchalance, the edge of her mouth turning upwards, âI thought maybe- maybe I could pick you up on the way.â
Paige stares blankly at the screen, eyes blinking as Azziâs words slowly register, âyou- you wanna go to the bar together?â
âI didnât say that,â Azzi teases, eyes twinkling as she basks in the thrill of eliciting that Azzi smile from Paigeâs lips, âteammates carpool right?â
âTeammates definitely carpool.â
April 2029Â
âYou invited ClĂŠmence to our movie night?â Jana asks in a whisper, as she walks into the kitchen where Azziâs making popcorn. Her Saturday nights have gotten rather boring since sheâs had Stephie, consisting of alternating between movie nights with Jana and dinner with her parents. It wasnât the most thrilling of times but she looked forward to them all week, excited to not have to spend a night in solitude.
âShe asked what I was doing tonight and I told her we were having a movie night and then she asked if she could join and well I couldnât just say no,â Azzi explains, sticking the bag into the microwave.Â
Jana cocks an eyebrow, âdo you want me to leave?â
âWhy would I want you to leave?â Azzi asks, crinkling her nose as she juts out an ear just in case the baby monitor goes off.Â
âCâmon Az,â Jana says pointedly, leaning on her elbows against the kitchen counter, âyouâre telling me thereâs nothing going on between the two of you?â
Azzi grimaces uneasily, not quite wanting to answer the question, ânothing that would require you to leave.â
âIf thatâs the way you want to play it,â Jana relents, grabbing a soda from the fridge on her way back to the living room, before she pauses in the doorway to look back at Azzi, âbut I know what it looks like when somebodyâs in love with you. And that girl out there,â she nods her head towards where ClĂŠmence is daintily sitting on the couch, âsheâs definitely getting there.â
Janaâs a rather observant person but Azzi knows that sheâs at least a little bit wrong this time. Because ClĂŠmence might be a little bit in love with -even if thatâs not a fact Azzi particularly wants to acknowledge- but it's impossible for her to look at Azzi the way Jana remembers someone else looking at her. That had been something completely different; a gaze that saw all the little chinks in her armor, all the imperfections carved against her walls and loved her inspite of them, maybe even because of them. ClĂŠmence might love her, but Azzi doesnât think anyone can be in love with her the way the person sheâd been hopelessly in love with, had.Â
When she walks back into the living room with the popcorn in hand, still plagued by her younger teammateâs words, Azziâs deliberate to sit on the couch next to Jana instead of the open space next to the francophone. The flash of hurt in ClĂŠmenceâs eye causes guilt to trickle down her spine but Azzi thinks a flash is better than the tsunami of pain she could cause if she doesnât start to ease herself out of this right now. Thereâs a selfish part of her that doesnât want to, thatâs going to miss having somebody who hangs onto her every word. Azzi likes this feeling of being wanted, even if itâs not by the person she wants. But that person isnât hers to want anymore and she wonât torture ClĂŠmence by barricading her in the same jail that has held Azziâs soul captive for the last four years.Â
Theyâre about half way through the movie, awkward tension eased by Janaâs incessant chatter, when Azziâs phone buzzes. Already confused at the timing of the call, sheâs even more perplexed to see Iceâs name flashing on the screen.Â
âOooh Iceyyy,â Janaâs eyes light up when she catches a glimpse of the CallerID, âput her on speaker. Ice is one of our UConn teammates,â she explains, turning to ClĂŠmence who nods in recognition, âshe probably did something dumb as fuck and need Azziâs advice.â
âDonât be mean,â Azzi scolds with a grin, knowing that Janaâs probably right as she picks up the call, âhello-â
âI hate you,â Azzi freezes at the sound of the familiar voice, laced with unfamiliar malice. Next to her Jana stiffens immediately while ClĂŠmence observes the scene in front of her with a guarded frown.Â
âPaige who the fuck are you calling?â Iceâs voice is muffled in the background, âoh shit, Paige give me back my phone.â
âNo. She needs to hear this,â Paige grits out, her pitch wavering with the effects of alcohol, âshe needs to hear how much I fucking hate her. Azzi do you hear me? I can hear you breathing. I know youâre there. Did you hear what I said?â
âPaige,â Ice hisses again.Â
Azzi swallows the lump in her throat, fingers digging into her bare thighs as she grips her phone so hard, she half-expects it to break into pieces in a reflection of her heart, âI heard you Paige.â
âGood. Because I do. I really fucking hate you,â Paige repeats again and Azzi flinches, âyou ruined me Azzi. And now youâre ruining my marriage. My wife is perfect. She loves me. She loves being seen with me. She loves being known as my wife. Everything I ever wanted from you, sheâs willing to give me. But she saw that damn hug at the Olympics and she- sheâs upset with me. She thinks- she thinks Iâm not over you.â
âAz maybe you should-â Jana says softly but Azzi immediately raises a hand to stop her. Maybe sheâs a masochist but she can hear the hurt laced underneath the anger in Paige's voice. And if what Paige needs to get rid of her pain is a target to aim all her arrows at, then Azziâs willing to sacrifice her heart, or at least what little is still left of it.Â
âAnd the worst thing about it,â Paigeâs voice breaks, âis that she's probably right. I have the perfect fucking woman at home and I canât seem to get over the one who broke my heart and never looked back. Isnât that pathetic?â
âPaige,â Ice pleads again and Azzi can hear her former teammate trying her best to wrangle the phone out of Paigeâs firm grasp.Â
âIâm not done yet Ice. I need to talk to her and I need to talk to her now because if I donât, Iâll never get the courage to say any of this again,â Paige is sobbing now, and her broken whimpers pierce Azziâs heart deeper than any words could, âwhy couldnât you just have said yes Az? I know- I know your reasons but why- why couldnât you have just loved me enough to look past them? How do you do it Azzi? How do you live without me because itâs been four years and I- I still donât think I know how to live without you and I hate you, I hate you because you do.â
No, Azzi thinks, I really donât. But she doesnât say anything, rapidly blinking back tears as she avoids both Janaâs concerned look and ClĂŠmenceâs more thoughtful gaze.Â
âI wish I could just feel nothing towards you Azzi,â Paige confesses, heaving as she struggles to breathe through her tears, âI donât want to hate you. I donât want to miss you and I really- I really, really donât want to love you. Please just make it stop. Iâm so tired of this Azzi. Iâm so tired of hurting. How do I make it go away? Please tell me how I make it go away? How did you make it go away?â
âI didnât,â Azzi whispers, so soft sheâs not sure Paige heard it; sheâs not sure if she wants Paige to have heard it. Itâs the kind of pain, she thinks, sheâs destined to feel forever. Itâs weaved itself into every crevice of body and now it exists as just another innate part of her. Paige thinks Azziâs learned to live without her but really all Azziâs learned is how to live with these permanent scars of i think iâll miss you forever.Â
âThatâs enough Paige,â Iceâs voice is clearer now, having finally snatched the phone out of her teammateâs grip, âAzzi-â she begins apologetically, âsheâs just drunk. She didnât mean-â
âShe did,â Azzi clears her throat, sinking into the way Jana's arms wrap around her, âsheâs um- sheâs gonna be really hungover in the morning. Make sure she- make sure you give her water but donât- donât give her coffee. Sheâll want it but itâll only make it worse because she uh- she- when she drinks too much, her stomach hurts and the caffeine- it just- it makes it worse so- donât let her drink coffee tomorrow morning okay? And make sure- make sure she eats something before she takes painkillers. And Ice?â
âYeah Azzi.â
âIf she doesnât remember any of this tomorrow morning, please donât remind her.â
***
April 2033
The bar is buzzing with noise by the time Paige and Azzi finally arrive. Itâs an exclusive enough place that they wonât be too bothered by fans asking for pictures and autographs but the size of the crowd still puts Azzi a little bit on edge. She canât help the small smile that flitters across her face when she feels Paigeâs hand resting on her lower back as the blonde guides the two of them through the crowd in search of their teammates. For the last eight years, Azzi has been her own protector and sheâs learned to guard herself but itâs nice -it feels right- to have someone else ready to be her shield too.Â
âYou know Bueckers,â Joyce says as the two of them finally approach the table that had been reserved for the Valkyries, âsome might say that one should be on time when meeting their new teammates. Just a thought.â
âAnd some might say Edwards that being fashionably late is being on time,â Paige quips back.Â
Joyce grins, âalright time for introductions.â
âIâm pretty sure I know-â
âShut up,â Joyce reprimands, throwing an arm around Paigeâs shoulders, âlet me introduce these brand new people to you.â
âTheyâre not-â
âSssshhh. Let me have my fun. Weâll start over here with Westbeld and Booker. You might know them, their teams kicked your ass during the 23-24 season,â Joyce says with a smirk.Â
âOh I do remember that,â Paige says thoughtfully, eyes twinkling with mirth, âwhat happened the season after?â
âDonât be cocky Bueckers. Itâs unbecoming,â Madison chides as she rises from the table to give Paige a hug.Â
âYeah I try not to remember that Elite Eight game thanks,â Laila says, making a disgusted face.Â
Joyce glares at her, âdid I introduce you yet Miss Phelia?â
Laila raises her hands in surrender as Joyce continues to give Paige a tour of the Valkyrie team. Azzi had known that Paige would fit in well with her teammate -really the blonde had the uncanny ability to fit in anywhere- but seeing it realized in front of her, it seems even clearer. Paige feels like the last mosaic piece, slotting in right where she belongs.Â
âThose two over there are our babies,â Joyce points to Haylen and Jayla, âtheyâre like five years old but we love them anyways.â
âIâm almost 25,â Haylen protests.Â
âSee,â Joyce remarks, âliterally children. And that one,â she points to Jana who beams at Paige, âwell you already know her even if you sometimes wish you didnât probably-â
âHey!â
âOh shush Jana,â Joyce says airily, âand I supposed thereâs no point in introducing Azzi to you since yâall came together,â she pauses to look between them, âyâall donât live that close to each other. Why didnât you just carpool with Jana? Iâm pretty sure she lives closer to you.â
Paige opens and closes her mouth a couple of times as Azzi feels her own cheeks heat up at the innocent enough question, âwe um- well it's just- you see- my house is on the way from her parents and she had to drop off Stephie so it just- it just made sense you know? For efficiencyâs sake.â
âOh yeah for efficiencyâs sake. Theyâre both very efficient,â Jana smirks, âmakes a lot of sense.â
Joyce gives all three of them a weird look, âyâall Huskies are strange. It was just a question but anyways,â she grins as she finally steers Paige towards the blonde in the corner and Azzi stiffens at the way Paigeâs body immediately tenses, âa couple of our teammates arenât here but we do have a former teammate. Paige meet ClĂŠmence.â
âWeâve met,â Paige says, attempting to school her features to resemble anything but the discomfort sheâs feeling within, âduring the Olympics that is. Weâve beat France a couple of times.â
Itâs a purposeful word choice, beat instead of played and Azzi's fingers fidget with the hem of her top as she tries to avoid looking at either of the two women.Â
âYes. It is good to see you again,â ClĂŠmence says tersely, her French accent stronger than the last time Azzi had spoken to her. She shakes Paigeâs hand rather formally before her eyes focus on Azzi and she determinedly walks towards the brunette, âand it is really good to see you Azzi. I have missed you.â
âI-â Azzi stutters at the French woman pulls her into a hug; over her shoulder she can practically see steam coming out of Paigeâs ears as she hyper focuses on how ClĂŠmence makes it a point rub her thumb down Azziâs back, âitâs um- itâs good to see you too.â
She pulls away and she can feel the disappointment reverberating from ClĂŠmenceâs body as Azzi practically flings herself on the chair next to Jana, wondering what sheâd done to deserve this moment as a punishment for her sins.Â
âSave me,â she pleads as ClĂŠmence and Paige sit as far away from each other as possible, occasionally shooting glares when they think the other isnât looking.Â
âSave you from having two hot women fighting over you?â the center teases, âyou truly have such first world problems Azzi Fudd.â
âTheyâre not fighting over me-â
âAzzi you will have your usual rum and coke no?â ClĂŠmence asks and Azzi looks over to where the francophone is intently staring at her, âI will go-â
âOh thereâs no need,â Paige says immediately, âyou sit ClĂŠmence. You already have a drink. I was gonna go get one for myself and Iâll get Azziâs too. Besides, Azzi's more of a fruity drink girl. Az Iâll get you a piĂąa colada-â
ClĂŠmence narrows her eyes, âmaybe she liked that when she was in college but Azzi likes something different now.â
âShe might like something different now,â Paige counters, standing up aggressively so she towers over the table, âbut sheâs always gonna love a piĂąa colada right Azzi?â
All eyes turn to look at Azzi who wants nothing more than to cower under the table- or hit Jana who seems to find this very unamusinging situation rather entertaining, âI um-â she swallows, âI think tonight calls for something stronger. Round of shots for the table? On me?â
It placates the situation for a while as the rest of the team cheers on the idea, beckoning over one of the bartenders to orders a round of tequila shots for the table. For a moment, Azzi tricks herself into thinking maybe thatâll be the end of ridiculous situations for the night as the team downs shots to Jana yelling âto the Valkyriesâ but she should have known it was wishful thinking.
Half the team ends up on the dance floor, swaying to the mixed rhythm of the music and the newly minted alcohol coursing through their bloodstreams. Azzi watches with a smile as despite her protests, Joyce manages to drag Paige onto the dance floor with her, engaging her in some eccentric dance moves as they try to outdo each other on who can look the silliest. And as the rest of the girls cheer the blonde on, it feels like Paige is chiseling out a place for herself in another part of Azziâs world.Â
âShe is easy to love,â ClĂŠmenceâs hot breath fans Azziâs ear as the francophone takes Janaâs empty seat next to the brunette.Â
âClĂŠm-â Azzi sighs.Â
âShe fits in well with the team,â ClĂŠmence continues, something wistful in her voice, âI have seen her play. She will fit in well on the court with you guys as well. She will fit in well next to you.â
âThatâs the hope,â Azzi says softly as she tilts her head to look at the other woman, âyou fit in well too. I mean it ClĂŠm. Weâll miss you at GSV.â
ClĂŠmence smiles bitterly, âI would have liked to stay but they needed the cap space so they could sign her. She- sheâs quite expensive. I mean considering she is casually wearing swarovski crystals on her neck in a bar on a random Saturday night, I am not surprised.â
The two of them laugh despite the gravity that looms heavily over them. Azzi and ClĂŠmence havenât been anything in a long time but sheâd never quite shut the possibility of a potential future done. She can hear the lock ready to click now. Itâs bittersweet doing the right thing but as Paige glances over from the dancefloor, eyes darting cautiously between the two of them, Azzi knows that she doesnât want to keep any other doors open. Not when the one with Paigeâs name etched on the door handle, leads to home.Â
âOne last dance?â ClĂŠmence asks softly, holding out her hand.Â
Azzi hesitates, knowing that it would irritate Paige but she thinks she probably owes ClĂŠmence this and so she smiles and takes the francophoneâs outstretched hand as they join their other teammates. Itâs nothing beyond friendly and they both keep their hands to themselves as they sway to the music, but Azzi can feel the annoyance radiating off of Paige from across the dancefloor. She would never admit it, perhaps itâs a little toxic of her, but thereâs a certain thrill to making Paige jealous. Thereâs something about the way the blondeâs blue eyes flare with ice cold envy, the way her jaw hardens as she grinds her teeth. The way she looks at Azzi like if she had her way sheâd drag the brunette out of the bar and mark her with a possessive youâre mine youâre mine youre mine. It makes Azzi clench her thighs together as she tries to focus on ClĂŠmence.Â
âI understand now,â the francophone says thoughtfully as Azziâs peers up at her in confusion, âwhen you told me that you could not be with me. I get it.â
âI donât-â
âYou are here with me but you arenât actually. You will always be with her,â ClĂŠmence tilts her head towards Paige, âyou always have been. I understand now,â she says again simply before her face hardens, âeven after all those words she said to you on the phone that night.â
Azziâs stomach curls at the reminder. She knows exactly what night ClĂŠmence is referring to. Sometimes when she closes her eyes, itâs those words, coated in anger and malice, that shower around her like acid rain, seeping into her skin and infecting her bloodstream.
âI told you, you deserved better,â ClĂŠmence says and Azzi gulps, âbut you said- you said you deserved worse. I hope you donât believe that anymore Azzi. Just because you hurt her doesnât mean you need to let her hurt you too.â
âI-â Azziâs cut off by a hard body ramming into her own and she feels herself going stumbling back into the unwanted arms of a random man, âIâm sorry,â she says tersely, struggling to get out his grip.Â
âNo worries pretty girl,â he says toothily, the heavy stench of alcohol in his breath making Azzi feel nauseous, âbut now that youâre here, how about I buy you a drink.â
âNo thank you,â Azzi says sternly, trying to push the man away but heâs relentless.Â
âAw câmon donât be like that sweetheart,â the term of endearment sounds like an insult falling from his lips and Azzi loses her patience, stomping her heel into the manâs foot to finally free herself from his grip and he yelps in surprise.
âI said no thank you.â
âWhat the fuck,â the man spits out, standing up as Azzi takes a step back. Heâs got some muscle and although, despite his bravado, she knows sheâs strong enough to take him, sheâd rather not create a scene. Her plan is to walk away. Paige seems to have other ideas, suddenly materializing in between Azzi and the man, a furious look on her face as she squares him up.Â
âDo we have a problem?â the blonde asks menacingly.Â
âNothing other than your little friend here being a fucking bitch.â
Paigeâs eyes darken as she takes a threatening step towards him, prevented from going further only by the way Azzi immediately laces a hand around her wrist, âwhat the fuck did you call her?â
âI called her a-â
âIt doesnât matter,â Azzi cuts in, stepping in between a glaring Paige and a man whoâs clearly underestimating her strength, âlet it go Paige.â
âYeah,â the man mocks, âlet it go Paige.â
âYou fucking-â Paige tries to lunge at him but Azziâs quick to shove her back gently.Â
âDonât cause a scene,â she warns.Â
âAzzi-â
âPaige please.â
âHoly shit,â the man wolf-whistles, âyâall play for the Valks. Youâre Azzi Fudd. I know you.â
âGood for you,â Azzi spits out at him before turning her attention back to Paige, who looks like she could kill the man if given the chance, âcâmon let's go back to our tab-â
âItâs funny youâre acting like such a fucking prude when you have a bastard chi-â
An unmistakable crunch rings out through the bar as the man goes flying backwards. Azziâs knuckles are bleeding as her breath comes out in ragged huffs. She hadnât wanted to cause a scene; could have walked away from a man being a drunken idiot, could have walked away from being called a bitch or hell, even something worse. But the man had attacked the one part of her that sheâd always be ready to go to war for. Heâd brought up Stephie and sheâd seen red. Her fist had moved of it's own accord.
Paige doesnât say anything and Azzi can feel the anger still vibrating from the older womanâs body as she roughly grabs Azziâs unhurt hand.
âLetâs go,â the blondeâs voice is eerily low, âweâre going home.â
***
Itâs a subconscious choice to let Paige drive Azziâs car even though theyâve both sobered up considerably, not that one shot had done much in the first place. Itâs a subconscious choice that Azzi reaches over to lace her fingers through Paigeâs free hand, resting it on her lap, as the blonde use her other hand to grip the steering wheel. Itâs a subconscious choice that they end up driving to Azziâs house in complete silence. Sheâs not sure whoâs mad at who, if theyâre even mad at each other or that man or just the world but she can feel the fury suffocating the air.Â
âWhereâs your first-aid kit?â Paige says gruffly as Azzi unlocks the door.Â
âBathroom,â Azzi says quietly and Paige is off towards it before the word has even fully left the brunetteâs mouth. Azzi scrambles after her, pausing in the doorway as Paige rummages through drawers, knowing better than to interrupt to help when Paige looks livid like this.
âSit,â Paige points to the sink once sheâs finally found the sanitizer and gauze to clean up dried up blood staining Azziâs knuckles.Â
âI can do it my-â
Paige glares at her, âjust sit on the fucking sink Azzi.â
Putting away her own irritation at being told what to do, Azzi lifts herself onto the flat surface of the sink, opening her legs slightly so that Paige can stand between them. Despite still quivering with barely concealed rage, Paigeâs touch is gentle as she dabs at the remnants of red liquid on Azziâs hand.Â
âYou shouldâve just let me punch him when I wanted to,â she says finally.Â
âSo you could be the one bleeding?â Azzi raises an eyebrow.Â
âNo because he wouldâve never gotten the courage to say shit about Stephie if youâd just let me kill him when he called you a bitch,â Paige bites out venomously.Â
âAnd let you go to jail? I couldnât do that to Stephie,â Azzi tries to lighten the tension in the room, âsheâd miss you too much.Â
âThis isnât funny, Azzi,â Paige seethes as she begins to wrap the white gauze around the wound.Â
âI know,â the younger woman says, trailing her other hand down Paigeâs arms trying to soothe her anger, âbut itâs fine-â
âItâs not fucking fine,â Paige yells.Â
âBaby-â the word slips out from Azziâs lips before she can catch it. She hasnât used it for someone other than Stephie in so long that it feels foreign on her lips and yet, it fits exactly right.Â
âDid you call ClĂŠmence that too?â and there it is, the real reason behind the volcano erupting as Paige decidedly looks away from Azzi.Â
Azzi narrows her eyes, âI donât know Paige. Did you call Olivia that?â
âThatâs different,â Paige grits out, âOlivia was my wife.â
Azzi flinches at the word; hates that somebody else had ever had the honor of being called that even if she knows itâs unfair of her to feel that way when sheâs the one that had turned it down first.Â
âExactly,â she says slowly, âyou married someone else-â she holds up a hand when Paige protests, âI know. I know I said no but you married someone else Paige. So you donât get to be mad at me for having something with someone else too.â
Paige is quiet for a moment and Azzi sees the exact moment the fight leaves her body as she lets out a sigh, leaning her head against Azziâs shoulder.Â
âYouâre right,â Paige whispers into Azziâs neck, hands moving to rest against the brunetteâs thighs.Â
Azzi runs her hand through Paigeâs hair, brushing it in tandem with the harmony of her breathing, âwe canât keep throwing the past in each otherâs face, Paige.â
âI know,â Paige breath tickles against Azziâs skin and she shivers in spite of the tense moment,âI just-â the blonde lifts her head to look at Azzi, âI need to know who ClĂŠmence was to you. You- you know what Olivia was to me and I- I just need to know the same about ClĂŠmence.â
âShe-â Azzi hesitates, âwe hooked up a couple of times,â she squeezes Paigeâs hand when the blonde flinches, âbut then she- she wanted more but I couldnât- I couldnât do that. Partly because I didnât- I didnât feel the same- donât look so smug,â Azzi chides when a small grin forms on Paigeâs face, âand partly because we were on the same team. I didnât want to complicate things, not like last time. Feel like I should probably have a rule not to date teammates.â
âRight.â
Azzi watches the cogs turning in Paigeâs brain and she reaches out a hand to ease the creases forming on her forehead, âwhat are you thinking Bueckers?â
âI just-â Paige bites her lip, âwhat about me?â
âWhat about you?â
âI mean weâre gonna be- I mean we are- weâre on the same team too,â Paige says and Azzi can hear the insecurity of will you leave me again weaved through her voice.Â
âYou donât get it yet do you,â Azzi whispers, reaching up to cup Paigeâs face, âbaby you are the exception to all of my rules.â
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make you cry | part three: hyuka's ending
part one | part two: beomgyu's ending
pairing: hueningkai x you, past beomgyu x you
summary: after your falling out with beomgyu, kai becomes your new best friend as you spiral out of control. his actions may not be completely platonic, though.
genre: angst, romance, smut (mdni), best friends to lovers
warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, creampie, dom!hyuka, oral (f. rec), dirty talk, praise, choking (sorry), possessive!kai, just some really sweet sex if u ask me, pregnancy kink
word count: 3.9k
notes: y'all... ik i said this would come out on my bday (which is exactly 2 weeks from now hehe) but i couldn't help but post it as soon as i finished it... lord knows i'm impatient. anyway, i said this would probably never exist but since ppl were asking for it, as the biggest pushover in the world, i couldn't say no ;_; i hope you enjoy it!
"you're not gonna die," kai says softly. "it's a shitty circumstance, but you're just making it harder on yourself."
you hum noncommittally while downing another searing shot of vodka. kai watches in horror as you don't even think to chase it, too much of a hassle, you said.
"look, i know how you're feeling, trust me. i just think that torturing yourself is the worst thing you can do right now. whatever happened to self care in the face of heartbreak?" he pleads, and it's like he's talking to a wall. you had been staring listlessly at the same spot for what had to have been at least an hour â no tears, no nothing. just a blank stare and an insatiable need for the next sip.
"yeah, i know. i just wish things were different." you were miserable being just friends with beomgyu before, but that pales in comparison to how used you feel now that youâve slept with him.Â
"i know, baby. i know." at this point, he kind of just wishes you would cry. the awful look on your face seems significantly worse than if you'd just burst into tears.
beomgyu is your best friend, sure, but as you slowly descended into a pit of unrequited love for him, kai had understood like no one else after a particularly nasty breakup with his serial cheating ex. you two found some sort of secret camaraderie in the feeling of loneliness, something beomgyu would never understand, given how easily everything tended to work out for him. except for right now, you guess.
"alright, i think i'm done here," you slur and shakily stand as the vodka seems to be doing its job. kai scowls in frustration, wishing he could do more for you, but knowing he can't.
-
kai refuses to let you go home alone, so he hitches a taxi for you two. in the backseat of the car, you lean your head on the window and close your eyes, but all you see is the repeating image of beomgyu with a self-satisfied smirk on his face as he shows you the girl who he will probably end up fucking. you feel mentally sick knowing those eyes will never light up that way for you. you feel physically sick knowing that you gave him everything now and it still wasnât enough.Â
then, as if hearing your thoughts, kai carefully slides his hand around your cheek, which is currently somewhat numb from the coldness of the window and bumpiness of the ride, and softly places your head on his shoulder.
when you finally get to your apartment, you invite him in. he can tell you just don't want to be alone, but he doesn't say anything, just wraps an arm around you as you lead him into your bedroom. after plopping down in your bed, he turns to leave before you grab the end of his shirt.
"can you stay with me?" you plead. and he nods without a word. lying down next to you before pulling you in his warm embrace.
"you know, i think you're gonna be just fine," he whispers into the top of your head. and just like that, the dam breaks, and you finally, finally burst into tears. wail, really.Â
you kick your legs like a child, chanting "no, no, no," and lamenting on and on about how things are wrong, wrong, wrong. this isn't how things were supposed to go. he was supposed to fall in love with you and open his eyes and see whoâs been with him all along. heâd apologize and kiss you gently to make up for lost time. you hate how you hoped against hope that he would return your feelings and finally, finally start respecting you. but none of that happened the way it should. the way you so fervently hoped it would.
kai just pats your head and rubs your hair, all while cooing "shhh, i know. i know.â
you lay there with him, legs all tangled together and heart aching until you fall into a fitful sleep.Â
-
you miss beomgyu, that goes without saying, but it's getting easier these days. this is due in no small part to kaiâs persistence. he comes to see you nearly every day and calls you when he canât. you spend countless nights with him on speakerphone. most nights, he talks about his day, where he went, the people he saw. on the really, really bad nights, heâs just trying to console you. like right now.Â
âshh, itâs okay. i know,â he whispers into the phone.
âi-iâm sorry, hyuka. iâm just so sad,â you sob.
âno, donât be sorry. why are you sorry?â he coos.
âbecause iâm dumping this all over you. itâs not your job to baby me,â you cry, feeling guilty beyond words, which only makes you cry harder.
âyouâve done the same for me. you know that. i couldnât have gotten through my breakup if it werenât for you, so you donât need to be sorry. iâm here. iâll always be here.â if you were less confused and hurt, youâd hear the extent of his tenderness. you might even realize how heâs bending over backwards in a way thatâs reminiscent of the way you did for beomgyu. the way somebody who really loves you only ever does. but as it is, you donât register any of it.
-
beomgyu shows up at your doorstep, sometimes. he doesnât ever really say anything other than your name in a desperate voice between pleas to let him in, but you never do. you have no idea how strong your resolve will or wonât be if you see his face again, so you do your best to avoid him altogether. on a particularly bad night, though, you feel your self control waning. listening to what he has to say just once couldnât hurt, right? you canât stand the uncertainty and this seemingly endless purgatory you find yourself in now. you decide, no matter what the outcome is, youâll put a stop to it tonight.
with newfound courage, you lightly crack your front door to come face to face with the boy who's been haunting you for months now. his red-rimmed eyes widen in shock as he finally sees you in person instead of from his friendâs instagram account.Â
âwhat do you want?â you attempt to ask coolly, but you sound unsteady even to your own ears. beomgyu doesnât seem to notice, though, and if does, he doesnât say anything about it.Â
âi just wanna talk to you,â he pleads, and you nod before widening the door and letting him in. you gesture for him to take a seat next to you on your couch and he cautiously sits while never breaking eye contact with you, as if heâs afraid that youâll disappear if he takes his eyes off of you.
âso?â you ask plainly. he clears his throat as if he's been in a daze until now and nervously begins.
âi-iâm sorry for what i did to you. so, so sorry,â beomgyu says weakly. âand i miss you so much i canât stand it.â
âthen why did you do it?â you ask, not without a hint of malice.
âi.. i donât know. i think i was just so scared to be hurt that i hurt you instead. but being away from you has shown me just how much i need you.â need. what a strange word coming from beomgyuâs mouth. as for needing you in particular? even stranger.Â
âyou know, i really didnât mean to hurt you,â he continues, but even he knows how flimsy his words seem right now.
âi know,â you reply quietly.
âi ruined everything,â he says with a sense of finality, no room for argument. âi know i did. but i-is it always going to be like this? i donât think i can live without you in my life, one way or another.â
âi donât know, beomgyu.â he flinches at the use of his full name. âitâs going to take some time before we can be friends again.â if ever. you donât say those last words, but he can swear he hears them.
âthatâs okay,â he says with a smile that doesnât quite reach his eyes. âas long as you know that iâm sorry, and that you didnât and donât deserve how i treated you.â
âi know,â you repeat. you canât believe youâre not bawling and pulling him into your arms right now, for better or for worse, but surprisingly, you donât feel any of the emotions you couldâve bet your life you would feel. you pity him more than anything, and your heart does ache, but more so for the friendship you lost instead of the love that never was. beomgyu wasnât your best friend for nothing, so as if he can sense how detached you are from him, he says his next words.
âare you seeing him?â he asks with a tinge of melancholy.
âwho?â you ask, taken aback at his sudden question.
âcâmon, be serious. kai.â
âk-kai? what do you mean?â he smiles bitterly at your words.Â
âiâve seen the way he looks at you. if you donât see it yourself, youâre either delusional or blind. after i last saw you, he really told me all about myself.â
âhe talked to you after that?â you ask in shock.
âoh yeah. he said heâd beat the brakes off of me if i ever tried to hurt you again, and the only reason why he hadnât done it already was because you would be sad.â you pause at his earth-shattering words. your sweet hyuka really said that? you canât imagine someone as soft and caring as him uttering such unforgiving words, but when you think about how much pain he knew you were in, it makes sense. kai had seen the worst parts of you after beomgyu had broken your heart. only he knew just how much you were hurting, and only he would care as much as he did. you donât know why, but you canât help but smile softly at the thought of him being so riled up that he acted completely out of character for you. just for you.
âand if i know you, and i do, iâd say that you probably feel the same way he does.â you gasp at his observation. how could he possibly think that?
ây-youâre wrong! weâre just good friends.â best friends, even. you havenât really thought about kai in that context. everything youâve ever done seemed purely platonic on your end. but now that youâre really thinking about it, is it actually? the late night phone calls, spending the night in his arms, waking up to kisses on your forehead and promises to see you later. thatâs not what âjust friendsâ do, is it?Â
âreally? then youâd be okay with him acting the same way he does with you with literally anyone else?â youâre at a loss for words at this. what would you do if kai showed his gentleness to anyone else the same way he does for you? how would you react to him staying up all night on the phone with another girl? to him dropping everything just to make sure sheâs eaten? to looking at someone else with infinite warmth and care? you wouldnât like it at all.Â
beomgyu smiles sadly at your reaction. he knows now that youâll never love him again. not in the way heâs realized he loves you. but thatâs okay. love is supposed to be selfless. he realizes that now as he watches you stutter and vehemently deny the love you have so obviously begun to have for another man.
on your end, all you can think is: oh god, how long have you been stringing kai along? since your fallout with beomgyu? or even before that? sure, you could hide under the pretense of being each otherâs primary support system in heartbreak, but you canât do that forever. especially not now. in the middle of your reverie, the sound of your front door opening snaps you back to reality. who else would it be besides the boy in question?
âwhat the fuck are you doing here?â kai growls when he catches sight of beomgyu. he had just stopped by to see if youâre okay since you hadnât texted him back in awhile. he figured heâd walk in to you sleeping soundly, not to the sight of you and beomgyu getting cozy on your couch. you, of course, were decidedly not getting cozy with beomgyu in the slightest, but kai couldnât see that in the midst of his rage.Â
âme? iâm leaving now,â beomgyu says, sensing danger and cleverly wanting to escape it.
âyeah, youâd better,â kai spits.Â
when beomgyu shuts the door behind him, kai immediately turns to you.
âdid he hurt you?â you shake your head no.Â
âare you okay?â he asks and all you can do is nod. actually, you havenât felt this okay in a long, long time. things that didnât previously make sense to you are incredibly clear now. you love kai, you really do. you loved beomgyu, obviously, but those feelings of pain are gone now that you feel the tenderness that is actual, reciprocated love.Â
âkai?â you ask in the middle of his barrage of questions about what happened.
âyes?â he asks, completely dropping his interrogation as soon as you say his name.Â
âdo you love me?â his face crumbles at this question.
âdonât be stupid, of course i love you. youâre my best friend.âÂ
ânot like that. i mean, do you love, love me?â you search his eyes for an answer. his mouth widens and he sputters for a moment before realizing thereâs no way out.
â...yes.â
âsince when?â you canât help but ask.
âsince always,â he says with a smile, reminiscent of the words you had spoken to beomgyu all that time ago. you canât even imagine how kai must have felt when he saw you pining after beomgyu, and for so long. actually, you can. thatâs how you felt about beomgyu. your heart aches when you think that youâve unintentionally inflicted the same pain on the sweetest boy youâve ever known.
âwhat about your ex?âÂ
âsheâs not you. and i think⌠i think she knew my heart was never really in it. not like it is with you. i think thatâs why she cheated.â it still hurt to be cheated on by her, to be clear, but not more than it did to see your eyes following beomgyu every second of every day. when he cried to you about her, he was really just crying over you.
âiâm⌠i know youâre not into me like that, and that's okay, it really is. i just donât want to lose you.â your heart flutters at his words. kaiâs selflessness, his care, his indulgence. his love. you try to imagine a world where kai shows the sides he shows to you to someone else. youâd feel absolutely gutted, now that you think about it. unconsciously, youâve grown to want to monopolize everything about him. you canât imagine giving him up, not for anyone. not even for beomgyu.
without another word, you gently place your hands on his cheeks and pull his face towards yours. you kiss him softly, tenderly, and he canât help but gasp before melting into the kiss. thereâs so much care behind it along with love, appreciation, and the sense of making up for lost time.
his eyes redden when you insert your tongue into his pliant mouth.Â
âs-stop. any more, and i wonât be able to hold back.â âso donât hold back,â you say as you grab his hand and lead him to your bedroom.
âa-are you sure?â he asks nervously.
âiâm sure,â you say breathily. âi love you, too. so please, just take care of me, okay?â he canât hold himself back now. the girl he loves is practically begging him to take her, what kind of person would he be if he said no? so he doesnât. with great care, he strips your clothes off of you and watches in awe as he sees your naked body in front of him. slowly, intentionally, he lays you down on your bed and admires you for all that you are. your cheeks heat up as he presses kisses onto every inch of your trembling body, almost like heâs trying to mark you with a seal that makes you his own, completely. almost like heâs removing traces of anyone else, and you love the feeling of practically being worshiped by a man whoâs clearly in love with you.
eventually, his kisses become more and more fiery as he inches towards your fluttering pussy.Â
with a curse, he grabs a pillow and shoves it underneath your hips, raising your glistening cunt so you can more easily fully take in the sight of him lapping up your sweetness like heâs starving. youâve felt similar pleasure before, but nothing quite like this. is this how it feels to be with someone you love who truly loves you back? you think so. your legs are shaking and involuntarily caging him in between them, but he doesnât try to resist you. itâs like he could die happily in between your legs as he moans into your cunt, the vibrations racking through your body deliciously. he chuckles when you gasp at the feeling of one of his long, knobby fingers entering your heat. he curls experimentally, you cry out his name when he finds your sweet spot and taps it mercilessly, sliding another finger in and following suit. the sweet feeling of his mouth sucking on your clit and the cruel curling of his fingers is enough to bring you to your climax. you cry out his name as your toes curl and legs shake, which only spurs him further, slurping up your slick like he canât stand the thought of losing a single drop.
âdid that feel good, baby? you wanted me to take care of you, right? so just sit back and let me do it. iâll make you feel better than you ever have.â
he rips off his shirt and unceremoniously tosses it behind him. youâre panting now, gasping for air, but heâs not done with you yet. he sits up and unbuckles his pants, sliding them down his creamy thighs and letting his cock stand tall. his whole body is flushed pink with embarrassment when you take him all in, matching his reddened member, which is currently leaking profusely with precum. heâs so needy for you, and you can see it all over his bright pink face. you should be tired from the intense orgasm he just gave to you, but you canât help but gulp in anticipation as he lines himself up with your entrance. slowly, he pushes his wide tip in your spasming pussy.Â
âo-oh, god,â he says as he splits you open. you canât even form words because the stretch you feel is absolutely scorching, so you whine instead. tears spring in your eyes as he shakily pulls out then pierces you with one fluid motion, bottoming out completely.Â
ây-youâre going to break me,â you cry.
âoh, baby. itâs alright, you can take me,â he says soothingly, but not without a tinge of mischief. thatâs all you get before he begins thrusting into you. the harsh curve of his cock dragging along your walls and inadvertently hitting your g spot relentlessly has you opening your mouth, trying not to drool, but failing when he sticks his thumb in your mouth. like a madwoman, you begin to desperately suck on it, which only fuels the fire even more.Â
âyou look so pretty sucking on me like that,â he coos. âbet you wish it was my dick instead, donât you?â he snickers as he stuffs his cock into your pussy. âiâll give it to you every day, okay? you donât have to beg.â you nod pathetically in agreement. the thought of kai filling you up every day has you needier than before, somehow. you need this feeling, the feeling only he can give you.
his body is scorching hot in your arms. his cock throbbing inside you? even hotter. you watch in awe as he rams himself into you, your whole body shaking with every thrust.Â
ât-take it, you can fucking take it. my pretty girl, so fucking perfect for me,â he praises.
this canât be your sweet, sweet hyuka, right? but as your teary eyes look up at him, you know it has to be. as if he can hear your thoughts, he smirks as he takes one of his hands and lightly grips your throat. itâs not hard enough to hurt you, but enough to have you whimpering. he calls your name lovingly as he drills into your swollen pussy, walls clenching down around him. you whimpering out his name in tandem with the indecent sounds of his balls slapping against you ring inside his head. he feels more and more that heâs losing his grip on reality as he continues to impale you on his cock. a shudder pulsates through you as you feel an orgasm approaching again. you donât have to say itâs coming, because he can feel it when you clench around him, pussy begging him not to leave as it sucks him in deeper and deeper.Â
âfuck, baby, you look so beautiful coming undone around my cock. so gorgeous, this pussy is the best, never wanna leave it.â
neither of you feel particularly sane at the moment, especially not as he clutches your thigh to steady himself as he thoroughly fucks you into your soiled mattress, hand still gripping your throat.Â
âgonna come, gonna get you pregnant so everyone knows not to mess with you. do you want that? do you want everyone to know how good iâm fucking you? that youâre all mine?â
âyes, yes, yes! come inside, please!â you manage to choke out. you place your arms around his neck and dig the heels of your feet into his ass as he drills into you. thatâs all it takes, really, before his warm seed fills you to the brim. he moans as he releases his grip on your neck and pumps it further and further into you, pushing his load into your cervix as he peppers your face and neck with sweet kisses.Â
he collapses, pushing your hair off of your sweaty face so he can get a better look at you.Â
âd-did i hurt you?â he asks cautiously, only sobering up now that his release has come.
âit was good, i liked it,â you giggle, admiring his cuteness. he smiles contentedly as he places one hand on your stomach and gently caresses it.Â
âyouâre so beautiful,â he murmurs. âcanât believe youâre really mine.â mine. what a beautiful word, only made more beautiful by the boy whoâs insisting you belong to each other.
âi could say the same thing about you,â you whisper, placing your hand on his blushing cheeks.Â
âwanna go again?â he asks, cock already hardening once more.
âw-what?â you ask dumbly as he shifts from beside you.
âi meant it when i said i want everyone to know youâre mine,â he says, positioning himself over you again and sliding his cock up and down your slit. he was right. youâve never felt this good before in your life, and you wouldnât want it to be because of anyone else.
taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast @softesyoongi
series taglist*: @gyulinoo @moamidzyism @sooberryworld @dreamxerz @sweetttkissess @gothraccoons @jaxyy219 @idontwantoeatspicy @soobsfairy444 @denleave1088 @notevenheretbh1 @fairfootedflekk @hihello-pinky @ilovesimjaehyun143 @seolis-world @midwinterblizzard @slutty-cherry @run2min
*if you were tagged in part two: beomgyu's ending i assumed u wanted to be tagged in this one too! if i was wrong, i'm sorry n i will delete ur tag jus lmk!!
#niningtori#make you cry#hueningkai hard hours#hueningkai hard thoughts#hueningkai smut#txt smut#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#mdni#hueningkai x reader#hueningkai angst#txt angst#huening kai smut#huening kai hard thoughts#huening kai hard hours#nini's hard hours
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future problems (pt. 2) -- coriolanus snow x fem!wife!reader
me, after posting a one-shot: âok i won't do a part twoâ
me, a few days later: *posts a part two*
howdy y'all ;) back with everyone's favorite toxic white man of the month
this part is based on this anonymous request -- love you anon :) xox
find part one here
summary: reader finds out she's pregnant and has to tell the scariest man in panem -- her husband, president snow
as always, warnings: smut!, pregnancy sex, coriolanus snow is a fucking warning in himself, heâs a dick here, fem!reader, p in v sex, mommy and daddy kink just trust me ok)
barely edited we die like men
anyways... here is future problems (pt. 2):
......
he was told by a servant a month before you told him.
he couldn't believe it.
you had not bled last month.
it's not that he was mad... but he wanted to be told by you. he wanted you to be the first one to tell him. it was important to him â trust and loyalty, especially from you. he had allowed you to get close to him, physically and emotionally, and he deserved that same respect.
he couldn't believe you had kept it from him.
you. of all people. you.
how fucking could you?
it had been a total of six weeks since he had been told by the servant.
it wracked his brain like it was the fever that debilitated him for weeks. it gnawed at him, it scratched at him, and it fucking demanded every ounce of energy from him that he possessed. that sort of pain, betrayal â it insisted on being felt and dealt with immediately, no matter what needed to be taken care of first. corio coriolanus couldn't believe he had honestly trusted you, or even thought you were worthy of some amount of trust... and he couldn't believe he, for even a second, allowed either of you to live in that facade.
never again, he reasoned. never again.
on the day after the six week marker, there was a knock on his office door.
his lips fell into a grimace before he forced it to remain even â calm. no emotion shown. not anymore.
âcome in,â he spoke.
his eyes fell to the papers on his desk, where he continued to write and edit his memorandum. his eyes traced the words he wrote, but he was barely focused on what he was writing. the only thing he could hear was the sound of your footsteps entering his office.
âcorio?â you asked quietly, smiling, as you stepped through his door.
inside, he flinched at his nickname. coriolanus, he wanted to correct.
he did not raise his head. ââŚyes?â
he could not see you â but he knew that you noticed his flat demeanor.
it affected your own.
he couldnât see that â but he knew. he fucking knew.
it wasnât the first time he had been cold to you, but enough time had past where he reasoned that this would be the solidifying moment of your opinion of him. he knew that you knew he was upset about something. what else could have changed his demeanor?
âi-i wanted to⌠tell you something,â you replied, voice wavering.
he could tell you were working hard to ignore the obvious signs that something had shifted between the two of you. he knew, he knew, and he knew â but he didnât care. he couldnât care. why should he, when you didnât?
âyes..?â he replied once more, this time sighing.
his eyes met yours.
your resolve immediately fell. though slight, he could see that whatever confidence you had possessed had faded from your face. it was gone⌠and coriolanus didnât have the resolve to replenish it. neither did you have the strength to fake it.
he saw you begin to pick at your fingernails â another nervous habit of yours he had noticed.
however, this was a new one. once the pair of you shared a kiss â you were rarely seen pulling at the skin of your lips and your usage of lip moisturizer had increased. he appreciated it, at the time â but now? now it was a reminder of what once was. with new bad habits came the alert of the passage of time â and the alert of bonds breaking.
he couldnât deal. he just couldnât.
âwhat is it?â coriolanus demanded, eyes blinking.
your lips parted in confusion, and your brows scrunched right with them. there was hurt in your eyes, and splattered across your cheeks in a pink hue. your cheeks were usually flushed with graciousness or from alcohol â but this was embarrassment. hurt. rejection.
he didnât care anymore, especially not when he admitted to himself that a part of him loved seeing your face and confidence fall. if he was going to fall, you were going straight down with him.
down, down, down.
âiâm with child,â you responded, appearing to struggle to catch your breath.
there it was. the admission.
he clenched his jaw. his eyes focused on your face â and how the tears began to collect in your eyes. the rejection he was sending towards you was even being felt by him â and he almost felt bad. to see a woman he so blindly trusted, who thought she could outsmart him â play the part of a hurt and broken hearted woman so well.
he did not smile. he did not laugh. he did not even get up. he simply stared at her â silently.
âi take it you are not happy at this announcement,â she responded, voice barely wavering. âi-i wouldâve thoughtâŚâ
coriolanus watched as you placed a gentle hand over your stomach â almost in a protective manner.
âhow long have you known?â he asked.
âi took the pregnancy test today,â you responded.
coriolanusâ jaw tightened. he was not expecting that, especially not after the news he was given. ââŚbut youâve known for some time. you must have â given how you chose today to take the test, and donât seem as surprised as you thought i would be.â
you narrowed your eyes at him. ââŚno, coriolanus. i didnât. i had hopes, yes, but⌠i took the test as soon as i thought reasonable. youâre the first person iâve told.â
confusion and hurt. that was all you felt. it encased your body like it was trying its best to cast you from the room â placing a heavy boundary between you and your husband. husband⌠if you could even call him that. your lips began to twist in a grimace as emotions began to well up inside you.
âtell me why i have displeased you,â you spoke, voice threatening to break. you took a step towards his desk and kept one hand firmly on your belly. your eyes, red and wet, bore into his and refused to leave him. âi thought you would be overjoyed. i-i thoughtâŚâ
âyou claim i was the first person you told,â he spat, holding your glare. âbut i was not the first person to assume.â
you scrunched your eyebrows at him⌠but then you realized. it hit you like a ton of bricks. you bit the inside of your cheek, drawing blood, before stating, âyour spies.â
coriolanus narrowed his eyes. it was not an issue that she knew⌠but he didnât understand how she could know, nor for how long. spies were useful when their identity and presence was not apparent, and therefore he considered his current spies failures â to be dealt with later. at the moment⌠he had other matters.
âyou might want to elaborate on that statement if youâre going to act like itâs something profound,â he spat, standing and snapping his journal closed.
coriolanus stood behind his desk and pushed in his chair. you watched him as he struggled to keep everything together, neat and tidy.
your face was red and hot, and you werenât sure if it was due to the pregnancy or the betrayal. how could he? how could he?! there you stood, trying to remain collected â but it proved useless. through your tears, you spat, âa woman is supposed to wait before telling everyone sheâs pregnant â god forbid she loses the baby before itâs viable. i waited the standard amount of time most women are practically born knowing to wait. if your spy is going to make my cycle their business, they should at least understand basic fucking female biology, coriolanus, or your spies and their intel are fucking useless!â
you didnât wait to hear his response. you left the room.
he stared at the oak door out of entitlement â it should open once more, and reveal his wife.
the mother of his childâŚ
he had never considered⌠things of that nature. tests. waiting periods. hormones.
incompetence. that of his spies â nor his own.
he didnât understand any of it.
however, he did understand one thingâŚ
he had to deal with the useless spy.
âŚand that would happen before he approached you.
that approach occurred approximately an hour and a half later. he would have found you sooner, but the spy had⌠taken more time than anticipated. afterwards â there he stood, at your door, with a tray of food in his hands for the both of you.
his knuckles wrapped on the door.
there were no footsteps.
they wrapped again.
still, no footsteps.
once more.
âŚand, still, nothing.
he couldnât believe this.
he went to knock a fourth time, but before he could â the door swung open.
to reveal you in the doorway.
your eyes were blown wide with anger, but the rest of your face did not show emotion. you glared at the man before you, which unsettled your husband,
he picked you because you were unproblematic â but had gotten lucky with the fact that your company was so pleasant. you were not loud, annoying, mean, bold, disrespectful, disobedient, or anything of the sort â but he did not expect this.
he did not expect you⌠to hold a grudge against him, much less stand up for yourself.
he stood there silently â dumbstruck.
âi would slam this door in your face if you werenât the president,â you spat lowly. âplease do not make me forget formalities.â
âi brought you dinner,â he spoke, ignoring you. âplease⌠join me.â
you raised an eyebrow, scoffing. âyouâve been ignoring me for weeks, when i tried to convince myself you were just busy. you can handle another night of dining alone.â
you went to shut the door, but he stopped it with his foot. your eyes lowered to where his toe was in the doorway, and traveled up to where his eyes were. as per usual, his facial expressions were flat, save for determined. he always had a goal in mind⌠and refused to change it until he succeeded.
you sighed. you had had enough.
âiâm not doing this tonight,â you bit. âi show you every ounce of respect that i know you expect of me. i have been patient, kind, gentle â but i canât meet you halfway right now. not after that. leave. please.â
there coriolanus went. searching your eyes once more, like he had done long ago. his jaw clenched once, twice, three times before it finally settled. he did not remove his foot before he spoke once more.
âwhy didnât you tell me immediately?â he imposed.
there was a hint of pleading in his voice. your breath began to quicken with anxiety. out of exhaustion and frustration, completely forgetting your station, you rolled your eyes at your husband before responding.
âwhat if i was wrong, coriolanus?â you spat, your eyes were narrowed. âwhy would i tell the most powerful and scary man that runs panem â that i am pregnant with his child, if i am not one hundred percent sure? to get your hopes up for nothing, if, god forbid, i lose it?â
he didnât respond.
you threw your hands up in exasperation. a silent cry left your lips in the form of a broken inhale. your hormones were running rabid â coursing through your veins and filling you with frustration.
you locked your teary eyes with him once more. trying to keep your voice quiet, you hissed, âyour spies arenât exactly discreet. iâve known about them since my first day here. your spies â theyâve never reported iâve done anything wrong because i have never done anything wrong. itâs not like i can hide anything here, either â theyâre everywhere. nothing is a secret â even a private moment between husband and wife, like a wife finally being able to tell her husband that sheâs sure sheâs pregnant with his child. i have given you everything youâve ever requested of a wife, yet there you sat â throwing silent insults in my face.â
there went the boundary.
up and sturdy.
layer after layer of brick and cement. your trust and love for him crumbled with each new layer, until you couldnât see the man you once adore beyond the wall. the man before you frustrated you so much that you forgot what it was like to look upon his face and feel nervous excitement at the prospect of seeing him smile. you wanted to slam the door in his face, placing two boundaries up â a real one, and an emotional one.
one that would prevent you from ever being so stupid again â from ever letting him close to you, for ever thinking this could work.
stupid, you thought. stupid, stupid, stupid.
but coriolanus corio would have none of that.
he was a man of formalities and manners, but your husband actually pushed his way through.
you stumbled backwards in surprise. your husband had guards for doing his dirty work â not the shoulder of his new and crisp suit.
he shoved the tray of food on a nearby table, ratting the walls and the contents on each surface. you placed a protective hand over your stomach and watched him â waiting for his next move.
âi said get out, coriolanus!â you spat. your gaze was fiery red, and now there were angry tears in your eyes. corio could see the hormones flowing from every opening in your skin they could find â even smell them. âi refuse to speak to you!â
âthe father of your child?â he spoke evenly, walking towards you. âyour husband?â
you took a step back for every step he took forward. âyou were more concerned with the secret kept than the actual chance of life!â
âi thought you were keeping the chance of being happy about a child from me,â he spoke, bitterness instinctually falling from his perfect lips. âyou canât forget â we barely know each other ââ
âand whoâs fault is that?!â
he stopped. his jaw tightened. he stared down at you and wondered where all of this fury had come from.
him. it came from him. the realization struck him similar to how other pieces of information had been striking him later. in the chest or face, whichever hurt more â and forcing his breath to catch in his lungs. never to reach his throat, let alone his lips.
he couldnât keep going on like this â watching and waiting. watching others for their mistakes, and waiting for the correct moment to⌠correct them. at the very least⌠he couldnât with you â not with you.
âi committed a wrong against you,â he spat before he could think about it.
you scrunched your eyebrows in disbelief. apologies were rare in the capital, and admissions of guilt were almost as scarce. you stared at him, still consumed with rage â but now confusion began to creep upon you. and where there is confusion⌠there is always curiosity.
you didnât respond. you clenched your jaw at his words, but that was the only response he received.
âi did,â he reaffirmed, stepping closer to you. you drew back a step â not far, but still a step. he continued, âwhen i had heard what my spy had relayed to me â i should have asked you.â
you had three options. ignore him, yell at him, or hear him out. did he deserve the first two? yes. did you have every right to do either of the two, or both? yes, of course. however⌠were they worth it in the long run?
that was the question that now ate at you.
you had every right to put up the same emotional barrier you had worked so hard to tear down with coriolanus. his? who knows why he insisted on making his hurt everyone elseâs problem. yours? he was an elite asshole, but⌠you were married to him. he was the president of panem. he was the most ruthless man in all of panem.
and you loved him.
you really, really did.
that was why his distrust for you hurt so bad.
it wasnât about seeking approval anymore â because you thought you had it, or at least had come to close to it. once given that, you felt safe enough, well⌠to feel safe. to feel safety, trust, respect, reliability⌠and love. love.
the fucking bastard made you love him.
with reluctance, you took a step forward. âyou should have, coriolanus.â
his jaw tightened as he also took a step forward. âcorio â please, my love.â
you scoffed out of reflex and threw your stare to the side. you began to rub at your stomach, hoping to quell your own anxiety. there were a million insults waiting to leap from your tongue and latch onto his face, chest, throat â anything to hurt him or get him to fuck off. however, you swallowed them.
âi would do anything for you,â you stammered, trying to keep emotion out of your voice. âi have proved that time and time again.â
he took a step closer. âi know.â
âi know better than to keep something substantial from you,â you replied. âgod forbid it was a flukeâŚâ
another step closer. âi know.â
âi have done everything i can to prove that i am loyal to you, and only you,â you spoke, your voice wavering. âin the future, i ask that you approach me first â yell at me, fuck, i couldnât care less â just as long as you donât ignore me. anything, corio â just donât push me away.
he laughed then, only a foot away from you now. the tears in your eyelids hadnât hit your cheeks yet, but they threatened to. he reached forward and cupped your face in both of his hands. he leaned down due to your height difference and pressed a kiss to your forehead.
âi know,â he repeated. âand i promise â i will try my best to not push you away.â
âokay,â you nodded, sniffling.
ânever heard such coarse words from my perfect wife,â corio attempted to break the tension.
you chuckled then, wiping away any moisture from your eyes. âthere were more â trust me.â
âi would have deserved them.â
your eyes flickered up to his them, searching his irises for answers like he did to you. you werenât sure how he did it â but he could find every lie or fact inside someoneâs eyes. that trait had not found its way to you.
but maybe it would to your child.
âi want to hear you say it again,â you whispered, now meeting his eyes. âi want to hear you say that you promise you will try your best to never push me away again.â
âi promise,â he spoke, nodding.
you refused to stare into his eyes at his admission. if he wasnât a good liar, you didnât want to know â not in that moment.
"am i allowed to kiss the mother of my child now?" he asked with a smirk.
you glared at him. "you would've â"
"shhh," he cooed, before leaning down and pressing his lips to yours.
one of his hands slid to the back of your head and cradled the bottom of your skull. he wrapped his free arm around your back, pulling you into him. the kiss, you couldn't explain it â it â it...
it was like he swallowed you.
there was no place for you to move, but then again â why would you want to? you body was perfectly molded to fit his, in every way he wanted you to bend to him. his warmth, his scent, his taste â it all coaxed your senses into such a feeling of satisfaction that you weren't sure where it started or ended. it held your consciousness in warmth and safety â something rare in the capital. the only thing that mattered to you was that you were in your husband's arms and the kiss did not stop.
"so pleased with you," he mumbled against your mouth. "a child..."
warmth bubbled within the lower half of your body. praise, from a man like corio... any woman's weakness.
you hummed into the kiss, rubbing your hands up and down his chest. "going to be so proud of their father, the president."
the groan that emitted from his chest was deep and guttural â so masculine. it made every hair on the back of your neck stand at attention, waiting for a direction from the man before you. you began to finger his top button, hoping... hinting...
"sweetheart," he spoke, pulling away. "as much as i want to, i am not sure whether â"
"i think i'm fine," you gushed, only realizing after how desperate you might have sounded. "we might as well â especially before i become too big to breathe."
he stiffened as he held you. you immediately grew worried.
"what's wrong?" you softly asked, rubbing his chest.
he shook his head. "nothing â" he stopped for a moment, appearing to contemplate something. "it's just â i was imagining â"
you looked up at him curiously, hoping he would elaborate. his eyes immediately flew to your lips â perfect and plump, a match for his. you smirked.
you had him. âwhat were you imagining, husband?â
his jaw clenched again as his eyes widened. âmy pretty wife has become so much more bold since i met her.â
you smiled up at him, hoping that he found it amusing more than disreepctful. one of his hands found your cheek as his thumb caressed the skin. your eyes were big as they gazed up at your husband, keening into his silent praise.
âi disagree with you, wife,â he spoke. âtoo big to bed ââ he scoffed before leaning down to your ear, your words rolling with disgust off his tongue. his lips brushed against the skin of your lobe before he spoke, âiâll have a hard time keeping my hands to myself when the mother of my children will swell with me inside of her.â
your eyes, still wide, were frozen on corioâs. mischief danced in his irises, like a snake coiling around its prey. air left his nostrils in a small, sudden gush â amusement. the look that played on his face depicted the power imbalance â but, then again, how stupid could you be to ever think you would have control over your husband for a substantial amount of time?
he grasped your chin in his fingers before your lips parted. you were at his mercy â to be bent to his will. his head bent towards you before he spoke.
âyou think youâll repulse me â when my seed takes inside you, and it shows?â he asked. his eyes searched yours â but what yours reveal that he didnât already know? he had you. he had you, and there was nothing you could do about it. âmy naive, little wife⌠i donât expect iâll allow you to leave the bedroom much when that time comes.â
christ, you thought. your breath began to quicken as his words settled upon you. in a soft voice, you replied, âyou leave me speechless, husband.â
he wickedly smiled then. âget on the bed, sweetheart. making up for lost time is in order, wouldnât you agree?â
you couldnât help yourself. you shouldâve listened to him â but how could you, when he smelled so good, spoke so nicely, and was so close? you rolled onto your toes just enough to be able to press a kiss to your husbandâs lips, and wrap your arms around his neck.
the angle was annoying for corio, who thought pulling you into his arms would be better use of his strength â especially if you werenât going to listen. his large hands held your ass, supporting your weight as you leaned into his touch. your breasts, arched into his chest, were the only barrier that kept you two apart. there was nothing like a kiss from corio â heat, lips, teeth, spit. all of it melted into one.
âyou missed me⌠didnât you, sweetheart?â
âyes,â you spoke, breathlessly. âso much, corio.â
âi was so mean ââ he replied, in between kisses. âwasnât i? neglecting my perfect wife. a good husband would have to make up for that.â
you hummed in agreement, almost breaking into a whine. âkiss me, corio. missed you so muchâŚâ
it was like he swallowed you. body, lips, breath, emotions â all of it. once yours, but now his. all his. your body temperature increased with every fold of his lips against yours. heat pricked at the tips of your cheeks, the back of your neck, and your lower back. your fingertips, tingling, made quick work of his buttons to strip him of his clothing.
he couldnât deal with how slow and gentle your fingers were. he loved you and how gentle you were â but when his cock was straining against his pants? the head of his cock, so red it was almost purple, leaking at the sight of his redeemed, perfect, pregnant wife? begging for him?
you were fucked. so fucked.
he should've been disgusted at the thought of fucking his wife while the babe sat protected inside your womb. however, nothing could stop corio from rejoicing at the fact that you had never done him wrong when you had actually presented him with a gift, also showing the utmost protection for it.
you fell back against the bed, your back awkwardly landing on the edge. you couldn't stand or lay back perfectly balanced, therefore relying on your husband to hold you upright and your grip of his clothes.
"my perfect wife â" he moaned into your neck, mouthing at your clammy skin. he had shoved his hand into your panties, finding you already soaked. "glowing as a mother â"
it was like you were both succumbing to the heat and haze of all-consuming lust. your hot breaths added to the humidity in the air, making your embrace with corio feel like a sauna. he couldn't rip your lace stockings off fast enough as you struggled to hold your balance.
your husband loomed over you as one large hand cupped the back of your head. his long, talented fingers on his other hand drew rough circles on your sensitive bud and you couldn't contain your cries. it had been so long. so, so long. the feeling of loneliness and lust had dissipated and was replaced by satiation. you need corio's hot, and husky breath groaning against your ear and all of your muscles holding you up and in place, forced to take everything he could give you. tears began to well up in your eyes at the thought of not only having your corio back, but for the lonely need for intimacy to also leave you.
he laughed darkly. "you're so close already, aren't you?"
you whined, struggling to regain your composure as you fought through embarrassment. "it's just been â so long â"
"how would you feel if i took it away, little dove?" he asked, eyes taunting. "how helpless would you feel? â how much of a mess would you make?"
"don't take it away from me, corio, please â" frustration was eating at you as you held onto him. he was so far away, then so close, and he was threatening to pull away as if it was a game. your feelings, your safety, you â all a game to him.
the hand on the back of your head left you to grasp at your chin as tears rolled down your face. your teeth were firmly planted in your bottom lip as you struggled against his touch. the rope in your womb was being wrapped so tightly that you felt the strands would snap at any moment, but you knew he would pull away. his eyes, dark and boring into yours, spoke for him â you were right. it was a game, and he was loving it.
"tell me it was worth it â for this," he rasped, eyes still locked on you. "tell me all of the pain i caused you was worth it â for this."
you were writhing against his hold at this point, grinding your hips down onto his hand as you whined against his lips. you were pulling at the fabric adorning his shoulders, hoping to rip it from him â hoping to make him feel as strung out as you felt.
"it was all worth it," you croaked. "all worth it for how good this feels."
"i'll never leave you again," he promised, his movements now becoming more rough on your core. "tell me you love it. tell me you love me."
"i love you, corio â !" you cried, pressing the sides of your noses together so your lips were barely touching. "i love it so much â please, don't stop â"
"that's it, doll â" he groaned. "cry for me. do it â cry."
something snapped inside of you.
your eyes closed, and your vision went black.
your throat went hoarse from the sob that left your mouth.
your lips were ragged with how your teeth ripped into them.
but you? oh, god â you felt so full.
corio's palm rubbed against your clit as his fingers entered you, pressing into that deep spot only he could find. you rode his hand like satisfaction was the only thing that mattered to you. greed and gluttony â want and need. none of it mattered.
"mommy feels so good now, doesn't she?" corio whispered into your ear. "just needed what only daddy could give her. â s'all right â just keep cumming, darling."
"fuck, corio â" you whined, buzzing with overstimulation.
he clicked his tongue at you. "such a naughty mouth on you. i'll teach you."
and he meant it.
he immediately withdrew from you â letting you fall onto the floor with both hands on the sheets, facing the bed. you almost scrambled to get back up, until you heard corio's pants drop from behind you. he kicked open your knees, and found himself with your perfect round ass pressing into his cock. he pressed the front of you into the bed, and snaked a arm around your throat.
you felt the tip of his cock prod at your wet and swollen lips before he slipped his length inside of you. you tried to lean forward into his thrust, but corio didn't like that. with a hand wrapped around your throat, he pulled you backwards against him.
the angle made your shiver. the tip of his cock began to hit the wall right behind your clit, making your head go dizzy. his finger found the corner of your lips, dipping inside your mouth. he pulled at the corner, forcing you to look up at him.
"so helpless â so perfect â" he groaned, rutting into you. his head held you perfectly in place for his total control. "can't believe i let myself miss out on the chance to breed my perfect wife. so perfect, aren't you?"
you didn't know what to say. your head was swimming. you were barely down from your first orgasm and now corio was forcing another onn you. hormones, emotions, and sensations were running wild inside your body and you weren't sure how to make sense of the fever. coupled with his own frenzy, you were a mess. a rubber band, for him to snap and play with whenever he liked.
"i asked you a question," he snapped. "you're perfect, aren't you?"
you hesitated, working through insecurity as lust overtook your mind. mumbling, due to the finger in your mouth, you spoke, "perfect."
corio stared down at you in awe. your hair was a mess, as was the rest of you. your face was flushed, your lips were swollen, but your eyes... oh, your eyes... corio was a sick bastard. the look of any sight of wetness in your eyes during sex made his cock so hard he could explode. crying with need was a feeling corio would never let himself feel, no matter how much he wanted to let it overtake him. he wouldn't let himself feel it, but he couldn't hide the fact that he loved the vulnerability you showed when you wanted him. needed him. craved him. his thrusts weren't rough because he hated you, but because he knew that need all too well.
"keep crying for me," he rasped, letting his tongue fall past your ragged lips. "so pretty when you're a mess."
there was nothing like it â being held so tightly you couldn't move and being forced to accept the pleasure and satisfaction only corio could give you. draining you of every negative emotion you had ever felt to replace all of it with animalistic give and take. his own throaty groans were being swallowed by you, as his hips snapped relentlessly against yours.
"make me a mommy, corio," you whispered. "wan' it so badly."
his grip tightened around you as he shook with pleasure. with three thrusts and a heavy groan, he let all of his spend leak inside of you and paint your walls. you felt his rough voice against your ear, mouth obscenities as satisfaction overtook him. you hadn't came again, but you didn't care â not when the air still felt so warm and soft.
that was until you felt a hand find your clit with his softening cock still inside you.
you knew how sensitive he was, and you should've care â but you didn't. all you could think about was giving into how good his fingers felt against you, still feeling so full. the thought of him also being so sensitive while you rode his cock pricked at your senses, relishing in the fact that you were giving him a taste of his own medicine as you came around his cock.
"greedy fucking wife â !" he seethed, anger spewing from his lips as he struggled to fuck you back with his oversensitive cock. you knew it was so red that it was purple and swollen, hating you but loving every bit of you at the same time. you should've cared, but you didn't. not when you knew it felt so good for the both of you, his whines in your ear telling you everything. with one final groan against you, he spoke, "you're never leaving this fucking bedroom â i'll tie you to the bed if i have to, do you fucking understand?!"
all you could do was stare up at him with awe and tears in your eyes.
his mouth parted at the sight. with his cock still inside you, you still riding his softening cock as you rode out your orgasm, nothing was prettier. nothing fulfilled your corio more. with one last kiss, he spoke, "just as evil as me, aren't you?"
you giggled. "i love you, too."
---
if you're wondering if i went batshit insane i did HAHA hope you enjoyed
L xox
#coriolanus snow#corio snow#corio smut#corio imagine#corio fic#corio x reader#corio x you#corio mommy kink#corio breeding kink#corio daddy kink#coriolanus snow smut#coriolanus smut#coriolanus snow fic#coriolanus fic#coriolanus imagine#coriolanus snow imagine#coriolanus mommy kink#coriolanus daddy kink#coriolanus breeding kink#coriolanus x reader#coriolanus fanfiction#coriolanus x you#coriolanus snow x reader#the hunger games#billy the kid smut#billy x reader#billy the kid imagine#billy smut#billy the kid#billy imagine
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Voicemails After the Breakup (Haikyuu!! Headcanons)
*GIFs not mine*
A/N: I pity the fools who ignore this a/n bc WARNING, these are hcs without those stupid bullet points bc I have suddenly emotionally decided that they fucking suck. Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy the light angst, for all those survivors who are still vibing in this fandom. Enjoy!
Word count: 1968
Tooru Oikawa:
âIâm totally and completely over you.â
Thatâs how the message starts.Â
Part of you wonders if you missed something, or accidentally skipped ahead. Itâs so immediate, like Oikawa could barely wait for the beep before tearing into you. Like he needed to spit poison the second he had the chance.Â
And itâs one of those biting remarks that he wants to let festerâfor a while, evidently; he doesnât say anything else for another five minutes.Â
All that follows is a loud thud, like heâs thrown the phone away from him. And then footsteps, like heâs pacing, pacing, pacing back and forth, trying to think of more scathing words by burning holes into his carpet.Â
You hit a point where you think you should delete the message, maybe try and not care about whatever else he may or may not say after waiting for so long. You nibble on your nails and tug at the snarls in your hair. You pick four pieces of lint off your sweatshirt and seventeen more off the blanket draped over your lap, and you know how many there are because you line them up and count them afterwards as you wait, anxious, listening to your ex-boyfriendâs panting.Â
But a small rustle stirs at that five-minute mark, right against your ear. And a sniffle.Â
âFine.â Oikawaâs voice cracks. âYou win.âÂ
You suck in a breath.Â
âWhat do you wanna hear? That I miss you?â He sniffles again, then scoffs bitterly. âThat I miss you so fucking much I canât sleep at night? That my bed is so fucking cold now I canât even stomach sleeping in it? That every girl I see I automatically compare to you because I have toâI just fucking have to, all because sheâs not you. And it makes me sick.â
His chuckle is sour and crackles harshly into your eardrum. âAm I stroking your ego enough, sweetheart? Because you win. You fucking win.
âI want you back.âÂ
He sighs, and it sounds like heâs rubbing his forehead.Â
âI need you back.âÂ
More beats pass in the silence. More sniffles, too, but stretched out, like heâs trying to steady his breathing.Â
You donât think itâs helping him any. As you wipe the cuffs of your sweatshirt underneath your eyes, his voice returns, thoroughly raw and wounded. It squeaks out of him, barely above a whisper. His voice is so loud and tender, like heâs cradling the phone against his cheek.Â
Your hand against his warm cheek, curled over that pink skin, fingertips inches away from brushing through those soft strands, wiping tears. Thatâs what you wish it was.Â
âI didnât knowâŚâÂ
A shaky breath. You hold yours in return.Â
âI didnât know anything could hurt this bad.â
He swallows thickly.Â
âThose last few moments after you leftâI thought that would be the worst of it. When you just walked out. And I keep seeing you do it, over and over and over, in my head like I canât help but torture myself with it.
âI never knew it would get so much fucking worse.â
He whimpers a little, and your heart constricts unbearably. You tear at the damn thing buried underneath your sweatshirt, massaging the skin like it can soothe that phantom ache.Â
Oikawa must hate you. Maybe he hates you like you hate him: not because of the breakup, but because you can go for weeks without seeing him, holding him, kissing him, and everything still hurts like that last time.Â
âThing is, I couldâve sworn you werenât always in my life. Itâs been two years. Only two years. And yet I canât remember a damn thing before us. It feels like it was always us. Some fog, and then you, and then everything afterwards. Everything that was us.â
âAnd I hate that we had it so good, YN. I really do. Because missing you has been the worst thing thatâs ever happened to me.â
The frustration in his voice is familiar, a sickening sense of deja vu around it, and you latch a hand over your mouth at how vividly the image comes to you: Oikawa tearing his fingers through his hair, teeth gritted, cheeks flushed and shiny. Like when he lost a game, but different somehow.Â
Like this was something he didnât even know he could lose.
Heâs crumbling in a way he doesnât know how to stop. That ugly part about having something wonderful and newâthe moment itâs gone, what the hell are you supposed to do then?
âI justâGoddamnit, I canât stand how badly it hurts anymore. I canât,â he cries, desperate and aching, like his hand is fisting at his heart. You can hear the breath hitching in his throat, the hiccuping breaths after his sobs. You can hear every tear, feel it against your own cheeks, a soreness building at the front of your skull.Â
Too many tears. Your body is screaming at you, too many fucking tears.Â
But itâs him and he was yours and you were his.Â
Were.Â
You were his.Â
You had no idea how much that single thought could make your entire chest throb.Â
Oikawa inhales, and it makes your heart race against the thick wall caging it in, squeezing against it.Â
âI need to see you.âÂ
He says the thought like itâs just slapped him across the face.Â
âI need to go see you, IâI have to.âÂ
He mumbles to himself unsteadily, like heâs rocking back and forth. Debating, really, what heâs supposed to do, if he should do it at all, if itâs right after everything.
You should probably think heâs wrong.
You probably shouldnât be curled over your phone, eyes wide, mouth open, not making a fucking peep. Waiting to hear what heâs going to do.Â
Maybeâjust maybeâyou shouldnât be telling yourself that as the voicemail counts down to its final seconds, if he decides heâs not going to go to you, that youâll definitely be going to him.
âI canât just sit here. I canât stay in here, without you. This isnât right, Iââ
Your breath hitches when you hear the frantic jingle of keys.Â
Then the sound of a door slamming.Â
His footsteps racing down his apartmentâs stairwell.
A car engine revving.Â
âI need to see you.âÂ
And the voicemail ends.Â
_________________________
Satori Tendou:Â
The message begins with a scoff of utter disbelief.Â
âIs that what weâre doing now?â
He pauses, almost like he thinks youâre going to respond.Â
âHeard from someone that I suddenly have syphilis. Yesterday, I had herpes though, so I guess Iâm gonna have a tough week.â
A rustle like heâd shaking his head, like he canât fucking believe it.Â
âAnd sure, okay, I figured thatâs fine. You can say all that shit, and it wonât really stick because everyone knows it was us and that itâs you and youâre hurt.â
He sighs.Â
âBut I saw it, sweetheart. I saw it.â The phone whines like heâs adjusting it against his face, and his voice is suddenly lower, darker.Â
âYou donât get to have it both ways, you know. You canât spread all that shitâall those rumors about how shitty everything was and how we didnât have anything going for usâand then turn around two days later wearing my sweatshirt. And you donât get to wear that necklace I gave you for our anniversary and then run away from me the second you see me. Thatâs just not fairâyouâre not playing fair anymore.â
Something swishes around like loose clothing, and a large huff greets your ear from what must be Tendou collapsing into a seat. When his little sounds become quieter, that relentless humming and the excitable clicks of his tongue against his teeth, you figure he must have put the phone on speaker and balanced it on his knee like he always did. Mid-conversation with Ushiwaka, he always used to spin his phone with those long fingers, or bounce the damn thing up and down against his frantic leg.Â
And the voicemail came through late last night, one of those dead hours where the only ones awake were Tendou, his scrambling thoughts, and the moths flitting back and forth outside his glowing window. He was always awake, always thinking, always doing something.Â
When youâd first broken up, after one long, wrenching fight where youâd both lost your voices and the frustration welled so high you just couldnât breathe anymore, youâd been thankful for the idea of sleeping soundly for the first time in months.Â
Youâd been wrong. You werenât even sleeping anymore; just long, slow blinks where your phone screen would magically turn from 3:45 a.m. to 7:25 a.m., and in five minutes youâd have to get up and slug your way through another day.Â
Tendou had been the same. Those naturally wide eyes sagged under the pressure, and the curve of his spine had deepened like heâd been hauling the lack of sleep everywhere he went.Â
He must be sitting at his window now, at this moment in his message, pale skin aglow with wispy tendrils of moon. And heâs calling you. And he saw everything youâd done.Â
âNot fair. Not fair at all,â he whines, teasing. Always, always teasing, and if you hadnât heard the slight cripple in his voice on the last word, youâd have gone on thinking he viewed it as one big joke.Â
Youâre sure he heard the same thing you hadâthat he couldnât keep acting like it was all fun and games. His usual, cat-like smile surely fell into a pert little frown, pale lips twisting like heâd sucked on a lemon.Â
No fun, no fun, no fun, he must have been thinking.Â
âYa see, I thought we had a little deal,â Tendou drawls. âYouâd talk smack and start dressing all pretty just to spite me, and thenâand then Iâd go ahead and delete all your pictures and put your name as âBitchâ in my phone. And in, like, two weeks, weâd just be two ships, whoosh, whoosh, passing each other on the high seas of life, ya know?â
He breathes a ghost of a laugh.Â
âBut, sweetheart, you look like shit.â He chuckles for real this time, and itâs disgustingly hollow. âIâm not even kidding. Like someone ran you over three times every morningâitâs horrible, really.â
You curl into yourself even further, and youâre smiling, grinning, lips peeling with how much youâve cried and how little water youâve drank after. You hate him; God, you hate how he can make you laugh and cry at the same time.Â
âBut thatâs okay, Iâll give you a pass just this once. I havenât deleted your pictures yet, so I botched my end of the deal, too.â Tendou tsks his tongue.Â
âI wonât go easy on you, though. Hereâhere, howâs about this: for every day you stop wearing my clothesâbecause they look horrible on you, sweetheart; really, youâre painful to watchâIâll delete one of your pictures, eh? That means, in aboutâuhhdivideby365daysinayearignoringleapyearbullshitâah, seven years, Iâll have held up my end. Sâthat good with you?â
You lean your head back, letting the tears flood your hair as he chuckles to himself.Â
âFuck it,â he says after a pause. Hopeless. Breathless. âFuck it.â He must be gnawing on that pale lower lip, biting and nibbling until it bleeds. Because he lets something go to sigh again, and he must have smacked his head against the wall, and then you think he sniffled.Â
âI still want you. Iâve always wanted you. And Iâm tired of missing you and wanting you. Doing both hurts too much.â
Tendou soughs.
âSo Iâm still your Chicken Tendy, baby. Always. And Iâll be here when you're ready, syphilis and all.â
#haikyuu x reader#oikawa x reader#tendou x reader#tendou satori x reader#oikawa tooru x reader#haikyuu!! x reader#haikyu x reader#satori x reader#oikawa tooru#tendou satori#satori tendou#tooru oikawa#haikyuu x reader angst#haikyuu headcanons
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I'm so sorry to everyone that I freaked out with the last post, I was trying so hard not to đ I have that like instant fear as soon as I see "we need to talk" or something in the same vein. I always think it's something bad.
This isn't bad, at least depending on how your perspective I guess.
So...I'm having thoughts about CRCB in October. I planned out posting schedules for Kyletober and CRCB and my Patreon stuff and it's going to basically be a post every day, sometimes multiple in multiple places.
That's a lot.
So, I am set on doing Kyletober since all of the fics are already written, but I was planning on continuing CRCB during October as well. But...I think I need a little break from CRCB. It's been about eight months of posting almost every single week and it's been a lot. I'm struggling with chapters right now and with work it's vastly limiting the time I have to write and focus on things and I'm kind of burning out right now.
So, what I wanted to discuss was potentially putting CRCB on hold for October while I focus on Kyletober and everything involved with that. Trying to do both is a lot and I'm not sure I can handle all of it, plus life, plus work.
I was planning on not necessarily putting CRCB on hold, but doing more of a "whenever I can/am inspired" random posting chapters kind of like I did in the beginning when I first started writing the fic, in November/December because those are very busy months and I will be dead tired from work and just general life.
I think I might still do that for November/December and possibly into the new year since there's no way the fic will be finished even if I posted every week until the end of December.
BUT
That's something I'll think about and make a decision on later.
Right now, my thought is...would you hate me if I put CRCB on pause in October? IF I do, I promise I won't end Chapter 39 on a cliffhanger. I wasn't planning on it anyway, but I promise I won't end it on a cliffhanger if I decide not to post any chapters in October.
That way if I do put it on pause, then I can not focus on it for a bit and give my brain a refresh, and I can also focus all my energy on Kyletober.
So yeah, it's going to be a lot doing both at the same time, and honestly I'm ready for a little break from CRCB. It's been going for a long time and it's a lot of words to get out in a week. I've been super stressed lately and I'm just struggling a lot trying to get through chapters.
So yeah. That's basically the dilemma here and the discussion to be had. I know y'all will tell me it's my blog and I can do whatever I want, but I would like opinions on it. Are y'all okay with me putting CRCB on hold to focus on Kyletober? Then pick it back up for probably just whenever I can chapter updates for the rest of the year? In January things will calm down and I'll have more time to relax and write and maybe get close to finishing the story. Plus I know a lot of my readers will be busy the next three months with the holidays and vacations and family and school and all of that, so you won't have to worry about getting behind and having to catch up with a bunch of chapters.
So...let me know...
#I wish I could keep writing it every week#but I need a break#a little refresh one could call it#it might do all of us some good
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bambi distancing herself from chris because he refuses to make her his gf
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ever since the day you found chris talking with your ex best friend about getting with you, it was all you could think about â unfortunately for you though, he'd never brought up wanting to make it official again.
you wondered what was holding him back, and it was hurting with each passing day that you guys were still nothing more than well. . .whatever it is you called what you and chris have going on.
you didn't mean to, but distancing yourself from him was your first instinct. it helped take your mind off of your situation somewhat, but even whilst hanging out with your girls, it was one of the only things that happened to plague your mind constantly. it'd been almost a week since you last saw him, as well as some ignored texts and calls.
"your toes are so pretty, y/n!" riri gushes excitedly, before waving her nails in your face, "what you think about these?"
"i love them!" you said happily, yet the smile on your face didn't reach your eyes, "that color looks so good on you."
"thank you," riri says, but her smile falters when she studies your expression more, "what's wrong, love?"
you sighed, shaking your head dismissively. you felt guilty, to put it honestly â you and riri had been spending the day together, but your mind kept drifting back to your current situationship with chris. and to talk about it with her would make you feel terrible, especially since you were the one that initiated the hangout.
"you know you can talk to me," riri tells you reassuringly, seeing your conflicted expression, "it's what i'm here for."
you give her a frown, before eventually giving in. "i just wish me and chris can get it together."
riri frowns at this too, sitting down beside you as she puts an arm around your shoulder, holding you close to her. "i hated chris for what he did but after finding out the truth, i forgave him a bit. if he try that shit again though, he's dead.
you giggle a little at that, tears pricking at the back of your eyes as riri continues. "but one thing i can say y/n, is that man will do anything for you. and i know y'all are going through it now, but i know y'all are gonna figure shit out, okay? weren't you saying how your trust issues went up anyway after that whole incident?"
it was true â you'd told the girls that it was gonna take some time for your trust to fully regain towards chris. a small sigh exited your lips as you wiped the tear that escaped your eyes, and you realized maybe both of you had a reason to hold back from becoming something more.
#kiwi's love letter đ#dealer!chris#bambi!reader#dealer! chris sturniolo#dealer chris#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo#chris sturniolo angst#the sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo headcanon#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#christopher owen sturniolo#christopher sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fandom#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo triplets imagine#sturniolo triplets imagines#sturniolo triplets x reader#sturniolo x reader#sturniolos#sturniolotriplets#the sturniolos#christopher sturniolo blurb#chris sturniolo blurb
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