#ANYWAY who is even reading all of that!!!! have a good day tho
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Most normal mom ever and their cute little girl
First time posting these ocs yeay lore thing below
First, they're in the same story as Olive and Ambrose!! The blonde character is Laelia (they/them) they're part of the same cult as Ambrose and they're more or less the only person Ambrose actually has contact with in the cult (since he went back at least) Laelia is also the person who helps him finding the group of people he's looking for (they're kinda partners in crime ahah⌠they're isn't any affection between them tho, they're just using each other, but i think they can be very silly :3)
The little girl is Krystal, she's 1-2 years old, she's eerm⌠Laelia's kidâŚ.. at least if you ask them, because the truth is not really that. Actually if you ask Laelia about Krystal they will lie by saying something even worse than the truth, i won't say more that's kinda fucked up ahah Laelia is over protective with Krystal and to them, Krystal is promised to be the future cult leader (to summarize the cult members all went throught a "ritual" to give them a certain power and Krystal already has a real talent at using it)
Also Laelia met Olive as well (which made Ambrose super angry the first time ahah he doesn't want him to be involved with all the cult mess) Olive thinks they're kinda mysterious but seems to appreciate them
#sorry for the very confusing lore thingy im so bad at talking about my ocs#btwww if you want more context about the cult thing... Ambrose's and Ruby's artfight pages are right there.. ahah just saying#It's so hard to talk about a character who lies all the time anyway#well if you see me posting silly art of them don't mind it ok!! yeah Laelia is the most fucked up person ever but#nothing can stop me from drawing them silly..#and drawing Krystal being silly with Olive and Ambrose too :))#well i don't draw these two often actually but i need.. they're very important characters of the story#Laelia is probably the third character you'll see the most.. i think (at least among the alive ones)#ANYWAY who is even reading all of that!!!! have a good day tho#my art#oc art#digital art#Laelia#Krystal
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Currently giggling and kicking my feet over the fact that Dorian, a mere 22 year old man, keeps calling Manon who is over 100 years old âwitchlingâ. Gotta give it to him for calling her baby witch while heâs literally a mere infant in comparison
And Manon doesnât reject it my girl is embracing the nickname because she loves Dorian THAT MUCH
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#dorian havilliard#manon x dorian#manorian#donât mind me just having wild manorian thoughts before bed#a girl has to stay sane somehow#itâs how i cope#but fr u guys!!!#am i the only one who finds this endearing?#the man did not hesitate and just called her âwitchlingâ probably not realizing that heâs the only person who can actually do this and live#to see another day#anyway Manon loves nicknames given to her by Dorian#this is canon#Dorian is creative he probably has many nicknames for her depending on the mood#and Manon loves them all even tho she doesnât say it#but he can tell by how sheâs reacting to them#she doesnât turn him down or reject the nicknames#so allâs good
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hi.
#i know most of you didnât even realize i was gone#but manâŚ#my mental health was like in a state of đđđ in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldnât shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes đĽ˛)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#iâm still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just donât know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game iâve hardly blogged abt before#but iâm not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah yâall r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways donât mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#itâs insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought iâd be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but iâm v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadnât found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything thatâs happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasnât Loving it yâknow#but that may be more a âme having to fight tooth nâ nail to force myself to consume new mediaâ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since iâm not filming my HSR stuff iâm gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and iâm probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but letâs not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways letâs return to the subject at hand while thereâs still room left in these tags shall we#iâm so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since heâs leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2⌠it was nice to see-#-him here at least 𼚠iâll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was âyâknow DR RATIO once told meâŚâ like boy we get it ur in love with him đ (/J!)#i love how they canât go on these programs w/o talking abt each other itâs adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILLâS KIT!?#they canât just fuel my crackship like this⌠god and his whole âmuddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?â thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothillâs inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck iâm here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. âwho /is/ he? ⌠does he order milk at the bar?â iâm crying sheâs so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYoâs version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. weâve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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I rlly liked red hood the hill bc besides the gift it completely ignored everything else with the batfam which to meeee Iâm taking it as the hill has been overlooked by the bats forever (see Orpheus rising) so yeah nobody there gives a fuck about those people and jason knows better than to bring that shit over there
#genuinely tho#I dislike the trend rn of simplifying Jason and Bruceâs issues and making it seem like Bruce was nice and accepting all along and Jason just#needs to get with the program#like the fanficication of that and the Damian Bruce issues or Damian tim issues or even Dick and bruce issues#where everything comes down to the kids being insecure and Bruce being bad at communicating#which has always been PART of the main issues but using that as the crux and lens through which a solution will be acheived is a stretch#a stretch only made in fix it fics that is picked up by ppl who dont read shit and then writers who dont read dont care and get a check#THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH WHERE IT SEEMS BATFAM IS GOING THAT IS NOT AN ISSUE I HAVE WITH RE#NOT ABOUT RED HOOD THE HILL#back to red hood the hill#i DO like them#playing off how jason has always been able to relax there#with a community that has eachothers back#and the flip from#his early red hood days to seeing dana go that path is soooo#what i find interesting tho as that he positions himself as support and backup more than a deterrant#like yes he does try to talk her down a lot but most of the time hes living his life with a worried eye on her#and i think it shows to how he reacted to ppl (bruce) being heavy handed with him#and u know i love the batfam repeating awful cycles shit i think its very interesting that this is one jason didnt repeat#maybe bc hes so close to the feeling or that dana isnt to him what he was to bruce or even that hes just relaxing and thinking clearly and#above all trusts her#most toxic fun future would be for her to break that trust and him to go crazy but thats a diff rant#anyways my entire summary for jasons character is that THAT is what good coochie does to a nigga#carmen thank you for your service another crazy off the street đđž#red hood and the hill#oh. still no Orpheus mention#no it doesnât hurt less anytime đ#Jason Todd
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on one hand completely ignoring your emotions is soo good for my mental stability and productivity but man i miss staring at the ceiling and listening to sad songs on loop
#idk if depression is the right word but yeah that author was right you become comfortable in your sadness you start loving it because#it becomes such a defining part of you#if i don't engage in any bad habits throughout the day i start to feel so uncomfortable and wrong and unfamiliar#that i crash and do something old me would've done again :(#the bounce back time has significantly improved tho so that's a relief#also lol who am i kidding pms will come soon im sure#but anyway#i physically can't listen to waiting room rn i listened to the opening notes and it was like#like a dam about to burst#so i just closed the gate very fast#i can't be sad rn because then i will feel lonely and then i will miss people and they won't miss me and ill cry the gasping for breath#i don't know what to do with this emptiness in the middle of my chest crying#man i hope this doesn't have any long term consequences#also i hope one day being good feels like me again and rotting in bed becomes unbearable again#i used to be so active like not physically but idk just like engaged with life more#curiously excitedly#well there's no going back now but i do hope i find a good balance#i was reading normal people and kinda rerealised that woah this sadness will always be a huge part of me. you only get#one childhood and. welp it got too real too relatable#i hope i don't turn out like her every self help book ive read says kids follow in their parents footsteps but god i hope not#this is why boys will always be so scary to me#future seems so bleak sometimes like not my 20s they'll be fire im sure but after that. am i even capable of being loved long term?#if the person who knew me the most well can move on from me in a flash. well then. i don't have anything more to give this is all#what has this post even become oh god. whatever. ill keep trying to be smarter first interesting second hopefully lovable will follow
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i have so much life shit i need to complain about right now but everything just comes out as a garbled mess
#gonna make a divider here so ppl dont have to read my stupid tag rant if they dont want to--------------------------------------------------#(sorry i can never resist rambling in the tags)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway my mom is coming up here for my birthday after i specifically told her to wait & let me get her a flight for mother's day weekend#& she's staying for two fucking weeks#& there's nothing i can do bc she already bought plane tickets#i mean. i was excited for her to come up. but this amount of time is going to drive me insane#bc i already feel guilty that im not going out & meeting people enough (or really at all) & that's gonna be impossible when she's here#bc i'll have to cater to her the entire time#and i know she's just doing this bc she assumes i'm gonna be alone on my birthday (& apparently not have plans for 2 weeks after!!!)#but i like being alone & doing stuff by myself!!!#and ive been feeling guilty abt that too bc i know it's just hurting my ability to make friends which i apparently so desperately need#like ive been trying so hard to find events bc i already feel so ashamed of myself but i have no desire to actually go#even tho i know i need to#i wish i was the kind of person who's good with people instead of being overwhelmed by everything#so i wouldnt have to deal with all this shame & people wouldn't feel like they have to take pity on me#gonna try to be positive about i guess. been having a hard time doing that lately.
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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(
#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of#last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year#but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going#i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year#i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh#im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is#so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that#i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up#and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm#man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it#and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps#like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real#and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn#ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it#and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually#but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm#ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by#ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit#ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway#okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries#maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then
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I've been screaming about this for 11 years, thank you.
sorry i love homosexuals
#sorry to add im just still screaming about it bc i love it and i love this art#homestuck#jake#dirk#dirkjake#lollipop chainsaw#decap#otp#lmao @ me being like 'wait i did this too' no u fuckass u slapped together a shitty edit and called it a day lol#fave#seriously tho im unhinged about decap dirk i will see any character get beheaded and be like '0/10 dirk did it better'#im still chasing the high of the volcano upd8 like i have an unfinished embroidery i did of that scene somewhere lmao#sorry to tag dump all this where op and person i rb from can see but bro... i love this shit#its cute. i love both media. jakes leg hair. did i mention its cute? also piercings dirk will always have a specialplace in my heart#(bc im a piercings dirk and ppl used to criticize me for keeping them in while cosplaying and im pretending im not still upset abt it)#but yeah good art op love this shit#thank u person i rb from for putting it where i can see it on my dash im glad i scrolled this far if only to see this lol#while im tag dumping bc im embarrassed... how do we feel about jake having to be the one who decaps dirk to save him?#been a hot minute since i played lollipop chainsaw but that was hilarious#i wonder if it has backwards compatibility or do i need to bring my 360 upstairs hmmmmmmm#sounds like a problem for future cori to consider tackling lol#my bro lost my original copy which had a hotd skin for juliet and im just hoping the replacement copy he bought me has the same one#or was it the kore wa zombie desu ka skin idr which one the gamestop version had like i had to figure out where i was buyin it on day 1#when i went to buy it there was even a juliet cosplayer also buying it with a cool chainsaw too that was fun#and then like a year later i went to an msi concert in juliet cosplay which was fun (i did that twice bc i was in college and they...#...ofc came to nyc again when they toured the next year again)#i wish id had time to make the cosplay but i didnt have my sewing machine and was more occupied w homestuck cosplays#but i bought it and still have it even tho i sure as shit aint gonna fit in that again lmao i think i snapped some seams last time#but yknow ive moved on to other things like remaking my dirk and bro cosplays from the same time period lmaoo#anyways this has been a ramble and a half sorry to anyone reading this far im just embarrassed abt being excited over this lol
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bang chan recs (18+)
key: !!! = personal favourite, s = smut, f = fluff, a = angst
add. notes: hai :3 i know i said i would make a skz recs list but the minute i scrolled thru my likes n started saving from chan onwards, i realised i had Too many recommended fics for him (this list is like 40 fics/drabbles long....) so i decided to just make member separate posts instead!!! i tried not to have repeats of authors to give u guys a broader scope to choose from n also sorry in advance that i yapped so much abt them it's just like . these r my all time fav authors so it's expected. anyways i hope u guys love these works as much as i do bcs they r from some of my absolute fav creators n plz give them lots of love n always make sure to appreciate these ppl <3
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hopelessly devoted to you â @changbunnies (!!!, s, a?)
this was literally a 11/10 fic like i am not even joking rn. i luv greaser chan n even tho he messed up, the way he makes it up to mc is so so soooo sweet. the fact that he's so gone n pussydrunk while eating her out, the sweetness in how he holds her n fucks her is all too mindnumbing n i hope u continue writing bcs u r amazing at it!! i will always come back 2 this when i need a pick me up fr
2. bad idea â @hyunsvngs (!!!, s)
JUNOOOOO my lovely baby.... i adore u n all ur work always but this fic. This Fic. it changed the trajectory of my life. like not even kidding but i was a different person when i started reading this n when i finished it i was Changed. life is worth living now, the grass is greener n the birds always sing 2 me which i firmly believe is bcs of u n this beautiful yummy fic. i fucking LOVE stepdad chan sm like there's smth so gross n nasty abt fucking ur mom's bf n even tho mc is a menace, i still loved it. never stop doing what u do!!!
3. 1095 days â @luvyeni (s)
EX INMATE CHAN RAHHHHH!! i have akshewally been following ur work for so long n i LOVE!! the way u write :3 thank u for always churning out ur work so fast n being so good at what u do. im obv a sucker for daddy kink considering i eat it up every time n it's so fucking good i love how chan cares for mc n the way he gives it to her once he's back. mark my words i will EAT this man up n this fic whenever i stumble across it
4. milk and honey â @straykeedz (s, f, a?)
user straykeedz u have to stop... ur work too addicting n perfect.. ur depiction of chan too real n crazy (/pos)... they're gonna get u... but seriously i love bffs2lovers so bad n the way u always characterise chan n make him call mc so many cute pet names melts my heart :( i've also been following U for a long time n even tho everything u write is so so soooo good, this has to be one of my faves alongside ur inexperienced chan fic. i hope u don't pressure urself too much to update n jus do what u have to do :D
5. my wife â @chrizzztopherbang (s, f)
ngl i Think this is my first fic from u cus i followed u bcs of it n that's a given honestly cus newly turned husband chan?? eating his wife out metres away from his friends n family on the other side of the door n fucking her within an inch of her life right after they're pronounced husband n wife?? i love it i loved their bickering over who's a pervert n i just love the idea of mc finally calling the love of her life hers forever. i hope they r always happy alongside u
6. sweet nothing â @frenchkisstheabyss (!!!, s, f, a)
this fic actually changed me as a person too not even kidding. i EAT UP exes to lovers n the portrayal of it was so good here bcs there's so much unspoken tension between the two n then chan begging mc to not leave again n her promising she won't bcs all she wants to do is be his at last?? AWOOGAAAAA i need him so bad it's jinja michin (i am so cringe sorry..) ANYWAYS!! i hope u know tattoo artist + ex bangchan is a crazy combo n that the makeup sex was HOT HOT HOT!!! plz keep writing i adore u <3
7. pick you up â @moonchild9350 (!!!, s)
see idk if this is tmi but sex where ure being picked up n fucked is downright nasty in the best possible way n i fear i need to get railed like that by chan so u writing abt is literally u making my fantasies come true. this fic was a delicious mix of cute w chan telling mc he only works out so he can pick her up (based off of his bbl texts obv) n hot w him Actually fucking her within an inch of her life. i love all ur work tee bee eich so keep doing what ur doing!!!
8. spring has sprung â @cbini (!!!, f, s)
miss ems where do i even begin with u.. (u probably Do Not Know me but i know u smirk emoji. soz that was weird erm but ya i am the binnie anon who said u deserve changbin LOLZ) this fic was the perfect mix of cuteness w raw passionate fucking i love the idea of chan getting hard bcs ur dressed so preciously in a pretty dress i think it's rooted somewhere in his slight corruption kink which comes out def when u r all dolled up for him. anyways u never miss n i hope u know that <3
9. walking in on rooomate!chan / pt. 2 â @kacciidubs (!!!, s, f)
going 2 be very honest here i do not even remember what happened in part 1 bcs part 2 of this roommate chan fic actually blew my mind away like Seriously user kacciidubs u r insane!!! all ur work never misses n i am always so eager whenever u post bcs i've been following u n loving everything u put out for so long. ofc ur chan work is my favourite as u can tell but this fic... this fic was crazy the switch between daddy n sir oh my god what if i cream my pants rn. plz never stop writing <3
10. last nerve / pt. 2 â @cb97percent (!!!, s)
user cb97percent let me just preface this by saying whatever u write is INSANE. like i already knew u were a great writer but this fic? changed me as a person not even joking rn. the way mc n chan banter n how chan's an asshole who is pissed off how he can't get it up anymore unless he fucks mc is so funny n how the raw passion between them results in the best sex Ever. n ofc the ending w minho took me out n Yea i just . i have no words plz never stop writing to u as well
11. hush â @petrichor-han (s)
sucker for exhibitionism n sucker for chan so what better way to comemorate this occasion than by reading abt it? this entire scenario was so hot like honestly i can totally imagine chan's bitchass doing this bcs he's so cheeky in nature he would lose himself from the thrill of almost getting caught. u r amazing as always thank u for churning out so much content for kinktober may god or whoever u believe in bless u with eternal inspiration
12. daddy!chan helping you shave â @hyunjins-orange-slice-too (!!!, s, f)
i sent u an ask already talking abt how much i love u n everything u write but THIS. this made me weak in the knees bcs i have imagined this very scenario so many times if im being brutally honest. there's smth so sweet n domestic abt the act of helping ur partner shave n with daddy chan in the mix? kill me now plz. the way he asks if he can play w mc once he's done n how he sternly instructs her to be safe like omgkjdfjhjdfgjhhjg need him in ways that give the pits of hell a run for its money w how hot n nasty im abt to be fr
13. one last time â @baby-yongbok (!!!, s, a?)
like i said, i am a sucker for the exes to lovers pipeline alongside husband chan so while this isn't Either of those things entirely it still scratches the itch in my brain very very well. the way mc n chan exchange snarky remarks n how chan only says he's satisfied once they're done fucking OHHHH MYYYYY GODDDD... need this man carnally like i would dump him just so he can fuck me the way he fucked mc in this fr (that is a lie we r locked in 4 life). u r brilliant as always i always look forward to ur work so next time u r questioning if this is worth it just know lovscb97 on tumblr has ur back fr
14. chan ask drabble #1 â @skzms (s)
maymay.. my eternal luvr... the genius behind smrsmf minsung... ofc u were bound to eat this up n end up on this list. idgaf if it's just an ask answer or drabble bcs the way u write is so . so Elegant. i love how u always use ur words to describe the emotion lingering between ppl in love n the way u do it here w chan n mc, the way he reassures her afterwards n how he promises her he'll give her everything later while fucking his fingers into her ohhhh mannnn.. i can just imagine him in his suit thank u for bringing the vision to life fr
15. you're right, baby â @chlorinecake (s, f)
soft dom chan who is ur fiancĂŠ fucking u n claiming u bcs he's a lil pouty that u forgot ur ring?? n then going so far to say he'll cum in u to make sure everyone knows who u belong to?? RAHHHHHH HE NEEDS ME!!! this was written so deliciously i loved the way mc n chan cared for each other n also the ending was so cute LOLZ hope they r happy in every universe n that their wedding goes great fr u r an awesome writer user chlorinecake
16. silence â @valkyriexo (s, a)
make up sex make up sex make up sex!!! i love it so good even tho it hurts so bad when mc realises chan forgot to show up :( but the fact that he makes it up to her by begging her to not leave him n making her cum as many times on his tongue as possible for her to forgive him?? INSANITY!! the longing in their eyes n words n actions from how much they've missed e/o when he finally touches mc n oh man.. u ate this up
17. corruption â @goquokka00 (s)
STEPBRO CHAN RAHHHHH i am a sucker for him (in more ways than one iygwim eheheh.. soz) i loved the sinister blackmail u added into the story n how he fucked mc bcs of her bad grades by making up some shit excuse abt learning how to please someone like y/n u can't be this dense girl!!! (i'd do it too if he asked me #Tbh) ANYWAYS. idk how this didn't have more notes bcs it was hot asfk i hope u keep writing more stuff to come :3
18. chef's kiss â @hyuniepies (s, f)
the tenderness of mc n chan's love mixed w the nasty dirty talk ohhhh hyuniepies u r a GENIUS!! this is exactly how i imagine domestic life w chan would be like; him coming back home to u cooking a dinner n then fucking u absolutely silly on the countertop bcs he just can't wait after getting a look at ur figure n bcs he's missed u so much. i too would be obsessed w bangchan if (read: when) he becomes my husband teehee
19. chan ask drabble #2 â @miupow (!!!, s)
USER MIUPOW UR FUCKING BRAIN!! HOW DO U CARRY SUCH A HUGE BRAIN IN UR HEAD!!! DOES UR BACK NOT HURT FROM HOLDING UP THE DELICIOUS IDEAS OF BCHAN SIZE KINK!!! like i told u yst i love ur writing n i love U so bad. u always eat w every request or idea u come up with n i absolutely adore that for u i hope u truly never stop writing bcs u have a serious gift n i hope ppl keep telling u that constantly bcs i sure as hell will <3
20. pretty mouth of yours â @jeongin-lvr (s, f)
need to give chan head like . Yesterday. but OHHHH MEINNNN GOTTTT fiancĂŠ channie w mc sucking him off so pretty u know exactly what im a sucker for u dont u user jeongin-lvr? ur writing is tooooooo good i swear i have read so much of ur work n granted this is one of my fave chan works from u icl i love the jeongin ones even more but i'll add those to my innie recs list later :3 ANYWAYS!! plz never stop writing u r awesomesauce (cringe.) n i love u hope u r having a great day today
21. daddy issues â @hwan-g (!!!, s, a)
HELLO THIS FUCKING FICCCCC... it is so good so delicious so fucking beautifully written that it brought tears to my eyes no joke. i still remember the first time i stumbled across it n like wow.. i think i dmed u on my side reading account too to express how much i liked it bcs i rly Did like it truly was a piece of art n sometimes i can't believe ppl like u just write stuff like this for free?? u should be getting paid good money bcs all ur work ALWAYS eats <3
22. closing the distance / pt. 2 â @thefantasyden (s, f)
ik long distance relationships r tough n it's awful when u can't spend time w each other physically or touch either but hear me out . it would Not suck w chan bcs he'd do everything for u the way he does everything for mc in this fic. from how he shows up n is too nervy to kiss her to them finally touching each other for the first time n then she moves back to him?? ohhhh man i love love n i love U for making this ur work always eats n trust that i'll always come back to this fic when i need to rmb how much i love chan
23. riding chan's thigh/knees â @faeryacha (!!!, s, f)
i love daddy chan so bad im sorry im not even gonna hide it anymore n i love the way he was written here too, from the way he asks if mc wants to play to the way he has her fuck herself on him to get herself off like i'm not even into little space like that but the minute he refers to himself as daddy n speaks to me all soft n protective im on my knees on the floor ready to suck him off like my life depends on it. u ate so bad w this plz continue doing more amazing work in the future!!!
24. steamy desires â @notsoangels (s)
shower sex w chan mngnghfhghgh.. need him so bad id let him fuck me anywhere as he pleases but in the shower?? w the hot water cascading over us w just us in our little world like omgomgomg NEED. i love the simplicity in ur writing too n how it paints a picture in my mind bcs i can vividly imagine all of this happening like him making u squirt on his cock n then rinsing u off so u can spend time wrapped up with each other on the bed like plz. One chance plz.
25. the fuckboy next door â @seospicybin (!!!, s, a)
miss seospicybin.. how do u always do it? how do u always come out w the most mindbreaking jawdropping amazing insane array of fics without even breaking a sweat like hello? this series is so fucking good from the smut to the angst that hurts so good. i love the development of the plot n that chan tries So hard to be true to mc so he can be w her n the way she tells him to do it for himself like :( they deserve each other sm i am very much looking forward to part 4!!!
26. pussydrunk chan â @aeliuss (s, f)
mngngngngjghgh i love pussydrunk chan so bad n i love the idea of him being so infatuated w mc that he just Had to drag her away n eat her out. i also love that he's there to support her in the end n how turned on he gets from her just being herself like that is a real man!!! n the way it's so reflective of how chan is irl too? i feel like this is how exactly how he'd behaveâ needy but so so soo in love with u too
27. kitty â @bandgie (!!!, s, f)
no joke this fic made my pussy throb. i need him 2 do this to him so bad bcs i need Him so bad. the way u wrote the subspace drop n how immersed mc was in her role n the way chan guides her thru everything n then the aftermath of it like hngnngnfgddjghjgh... i always have loved ur writing but this particular piece rly got to me along w ur kinktober series i hope u continue to do writing bcs u seriously so so SO good at it fr!!
28. angel eyes â @temptaetions (!!!, s, a)
this fic. this fucking FIC. bro this is actual evidence of the fact that literary geniuses exist bcs the way u wrote so beautifully not just the actual smut but the whole storyline?? u r a godsend fr like u should be getting paid to put out work of this degree. not only r u a PHENOMENAL writer but i hope u never stop writing bcs this was actually so so lovely n amazing to read i wish i could revisit the first time i read this T_T
29. just (fucking) friends? â @snowyquokka (s)
HELLOOOO i love possessive fwb chan almost as much as i love ur writing!! the way he's so annoyed at how she said they're just friends so he takes out his anger on her but then at the same time asks her what her color is to make sure she's still okay WOWZAAAA.. need him Bad. n in the end when they both agree they don't wanna be just friends like chan.. i don't want 2 be just friends either.. come 2 me plz... anyways very yummy work fr
30. american whiskey â @straywrds (!!!, s, a)
this fic... how do i even begin w this fic... the way u write is actually so . so otherwordly yk? u rly pour all ur passion into ur writing n the way u describe everything like every emotion every detail every feeling it's so raw n real that it touches my heart. i can Feel what each of the characters go thru n the SMUT... the smut is so so delicious ofc. i've read ur other work n u r such a good writer plz keep going with what u do i will always support u fr
31. free use w/ soft dom chris â @hwanghyunjinenthusiast (s, f)
the dirty talk in this.. hngnngkgjjdgjjh. i need free use w daddy!chan just as bad as i need to reread this fic ten times until it's ingrained in my brain n any telepath w the ability to read minds out there is disgusted by how many times i think abt it (idk what this analogy was i am sorry). the way he eats mc out n the way he fucks her omgfkjdgjhjhgjh NEED HIM RAHHHHH u did so well w this
32. play tight / pt. 4 Â â @roseykat (s, a)
squirting w chan squirting w chan SQUIRTING!! W CHAN!!! the way he makes mc do it once n then immediately goes "yea i need to feel that on my dick" n fucks her within an inch of her life like ohmygodjkdjhsfghj i did eat up the angst too but the way u wrote them fuckinig was so nasty n delicious I ENJOYED IT SM!! this entire series is such a good read even tho it's not chan centered idk if there r more parts to it but if there r plz link me to them!!
33. dream you â @charmercharm3r (s, f)
ok i know we r discussing smut n all n trust that i will get to that but THIS!! this was so cute n precious ohemgee the way he loves mc n takes care of her n banters w her at the start so lovingly is so so precious to me i want him so bad :( the smut was also very delicious w chan switching to hard dom mode n making mc suck him off before ravishing her like oh my god PLZZZZ FUCK ME PLZPLZPLZ u did so well on this plz continue writing more for me at the least <3
34. brat-taming w/ chan â @blurboki (s)
this damn drabble was so.. hngngjfjghjhdgjh. i want 2 be a brat to chan so bad n act out just so he'll snap n put me into my place which is exactly what u wrote n i LOVED IT!!! it's so short n simple (not a bad thing at all btw) yet it's so powerful too? i love the characterisation of chan cus i firmly believe this is how he'd act in bed w a fussy bratty s/o like wow. Just wow. i love u and ur delicious mind i hope u r having a great day just for this :3
35. tell me all about it.. â @chnsbm (s, f)
hngnfjhdfsjghgjh the idea of chan making u forget all about ur stress n playing with u to help u sleep is so gfjfjjjffjhgjhjh HOT!!! the way he lovingly reassures mc like u don't need to worry abt it now just let me take care of u n how he's such a fuckin TEASE!! w the way he's touching her is so so hot u ate w this idea n i will forever die on the hill that this is really smth chan would doâ tease u n make u talk while he's doing ungodly things to u just to see u stutter over ur words
36. be that guy â @daizymax (!!!, s, a)
i have said it once i have said it twice n i will say it one more time bcs i don't care how many times i need to reiterate it needs to be said: EXES TO LOVERS W CHAN IS TOP TIER!!! the smut in this was so delicious but the LONGING chan had for mc.. the way he felt the twinge in his chest for letting her go oh man.. i'd take him back if he so even looked at me but maybe im just crazy. BUT ANYWAYS!! this is possibly one of the hottest chan smuts there ever is so thank U for this delicious gift fr
37. more than just friends â @kwanisms (!!!, s, f)
werewolf chan my luvr... my big strong baby who will knock me up w his knot n fuck me until the sun rises RAHHHHHHHH!!! this was so so SOOOOO good n yummy like from the way he pinned mc to the wall to the way he ordered her around n how his self restraint snapped the moment she called him daddy like why's that so Me behaviour HELPPPP anyways user kwanisms u fucking ATE w this i hope ur pillow is cold every night u go to sleep <3
38. connected â @j-0ne25 (s, f, a)
let me just start this by saying I FUCKING LOVE U USER J-0NE25!!! ur interactive stories esp megaverse r so fucking good how r u so bigbrained my dumbass could never like actually JSDHJFJHGJH. anyways i rmb reading this very vividly n oh boy.. "baby patience, or do you need me to teach you a lesson?" Brother my panties r drenched n off dont even start w me rn. anyways this was so so delicious plz never stop writing i beg u
39. chan ask drabble #3 â @hyungszn (!!!, s, f)
saved the best for last but CLOVER.. (u dk me but i am ur biggest fan hai :3) "your mouth is saying no but your body is telling me a different story, mrs. bang." GRRRHJDJSDFJHKJSFKJSFKJGJ... I NEED HIM SOO FUCKING BAD!!! the way they banter even while having nasty sex n just love each other so bad n hello my breeding kink went feral w this. when mc asked him to not eat his cum out of her pussy n he was like "and why is that?" cus he wanted to hear her say it GRAHHHHH I WILL EAT HIM!!! on a side note, u r so so soooo amazing i have been reading ur work for so long i think since american pie n i can safely say u r one of the best skzblr writers i have ever seen along w so many other ppl like plz keep up the good work bcs i will ALWAYS support u for it !!!
. . .
add notes: thank u very much to all these amazing writers fr. if ur work wasn't featured here now do not fret!! i probably (most definitely knowing my dumbass) just missed it cus i didn't scroll Very far down in my likes (there's like 2k+....) so trust that u will most likely end up on the next recs list!! i love u all very much regardless if u r here or not n as always a very big thank u once more for all ur amazing hard work, u r all doing so well n i hope u guys know that <3
#â° sunny's skz recs!#bang chan#bangchan#bang chan smut#bangchan smut#bang chan fluff#bangchan fluff#bangchan x reader#bang chan x you
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strip for me.
part five | lhs.
pairings: hyungline x reader
synopsis: hyung line got you trapped in a situation that you canât get away from.
wc: 8k
warnings: smut, minors dni, fivesome, bullying (not promoting violence or bullying), degrading, raw sex (please use protection), dirty talks, curses, masturbation, hyung line being mean. this is not proof read.
note: lee heeseungâs solo part. next one will be jayâs. thank you so much for supporting my works and loving strip for me series. also, this doesnât have heavy smut since i want to show the boyâs affection with reader outside the bed even more. anyway, reblogs and replies are highly encouraged.
part one; two; three; four
slutofpsh 2024 Š all rights reserved.
you got sick the day after. maybe because your body got overwhelmed and didnât expect that kind of activity. they let you rest for as long as you like until you finally regained your senses.
it was almost 10 pm when heeseung drove you home. both of you silent throughout the drive. heeseungâs glancing at you from time to time, but you refused looking at him.
your mom isnât really skeptical about it. its also a good thing that she didnât wonder why the hell did you get sick the day after because you have no idea what will you tell her.
todayâs saturday. you skipped school yesterday and just laid on your bed the whole time.
your mind is still occupied by the big question: âwhat are you for those boys?â
they did took care of you that definitely ruin the whole concept of you being their toy and made you confused. the switch up is totally odd as well. theyâre always so rude and harsh towards you, then suddenly they went soft and gentle.
that tho, didnât change the fact that you felt used. (name)âs words kept repeating inside your mind like a broken radio.
a faint knock on your bedroom door snaps you out of you thoughts.
ây/n?â its your mom. âyou have visitors. your friends are here.â she announced that draws your brows together.
âfriends?â youâre beyond confuse.
nobody ever visited you, and more importantly, what friends? while feeling a little disoriented, you forced yourself out of the bed then faced the mirror once.
the smile on your motherâs face is bright, looking so delighted. she feels excited by this visit sheâs referring to, you can tell by how she ushered you down the staircase.
âmom, wait.â you tried calming her down because you canât think properly on who those friends sheâs talking about.
âcome on! theyâre waiting.â and finally, you made it to the last step then she almost drag you to the spacious living room.
your lips gapped when you saw them dominates the sofa set by the middle. its just the four of them but it seem too crowded. maybe because theyâre all so tall and now the average looking sofa looks a bit small for them.
they all whipped their heads on your direction the moment you stepped inside. you cannot exactly tell the look on their faces. your mom smiles and tugs your arm lightly.
âthey said theyâve been worried, sweetie. why didnât you told them that youâre sick?â she pouts.
you blinked, pushing the tears back inside your eyes. its a bit annoying. how you planned to ignore them after what happened and now you can feel your heart warms up just by seeing them here. how all the courage to finally end it dissipates along with your anger for the four fine men in front of you.
its kind of sickening. you find yourself pathetic for actually letting them affect you this way. they make you feel worthless, but at the same time theyâre the only ones who can make you feel special.
âiâm s-sorry, it slipped off my mind.â you sniffed and tried to hide the real emotion through a half-smile.
your mom totally bought that reason. she hums and then she can hear a faint ringing from the other side of the house.
âoh! that must be my workmate. iâll leave you guys here, okay? i will order food for you guys.â she coos and then exits the living room, leaving you alone with them.
their eyes settles at you, flashing with an foreign look on it. that made you feel uneasy so you glanced away.
âsweets,â jake was the first one to approach you closer, reaching for your arm.
his heart sank when you yank it back, declining his affection. he looks surprised and he wanted to try again, but he doesnât want to push it.
âwhy are y-you here?â your voice cracks and looked at them one by one.
jay looks concerned, heeseung have his usual calm composure and sunghoonâs brows are furrowed. you canât tell if heâs mad or worried. he stood up, stopping himself to advance towards you. he doesnât want to scare you.
âwe just want to check on you...â sunghoon says in his softest tone. he licked his lips, blinking multiple times to try and calm himself.
your view of sunghoon got covered when jake steps closer, his brows furrowed hardly and eyes glistening with sadness. his hand hangs mid way, attempting to get in touch of you, craving it.
âwe got worried when you skipped class yesterday. we tried to call you, sweetheart.â jake looks desperate. it slightly broke your heart seeing him this way. his mischievous smile long gone.
âbut you ignored all of us...â it was jay who talked this time.
you gave him a short glance. the stare stays for a while before you pursed your lips to sigh heavily. chest tightens and mind all messed up.
âwhat happened, sweets?â jake steps closer.
out of all of them, heâs the most touch deprived. one day without you and heâs all over the place. not to mention that youâve been ignoring all of them. none of their attempts to contact you became successful and its sending him in distress.
you glanced at him then took a step backward. it pinned him on his position, eyes blank. jake looks in pain, but you looked much worst.
heeseung may seem calm, but behind this composed demeanour is his mind being a mess. heâs in panic. he never seen you this way and honestly heâs not prepared. he gulps and tries to gather himself.
âjake...â he calls his friend to stop him from advancing more.
as expected, he didnât listen and attempts to take another step but a tear escaping your eye is what halts him from doing so. they never seen you this bothered and terrified before.
âsweets...â jake almost chokes on air when he softly tries to call you.
âp-please leave.â your breaths heavy, and chest painful from thinking that youâll be ending what you have with them
its messed up. its very wrong. the set up is fucked up, but you canât deny that youâve gained more than you lost from thisâwhatever you call this.
it may sound exaggerated, but you think you saw all of their faces lose color. their eyes flickers fear and shoulders hangs low after hearing what you said.
âs-sweets...â jakeâs voice cracks, trying to earn some sympathy. he never done that. he isnât someone so weak. he always know where he stand and his power he holds over people. but not at the moment, specially not in front of you.
heeseung clenches his jaw to hide his trembling lips. he unclasped his fist, realizing heâs been doing that ever since youâve walked inside the room.
jayâs in shambles. he doesnât know what to feel at the moment. heâs always been the nonchalant one. never shown that thereâs a weak spot in him. but now that you seem to be slipping away from him, heâs lost. he can feel his heart aching, hands shaking and breaths shorten.
sunghoonâs silent. his eyes never left you, fists balled tightly. heâs cursing himself. for being so ruthless and aggressive. heâs blaming it all to him and his friends. theyâre so selfish. and youâre just too perfect. you did nothing wrong. it was all on them.
ây/n,â heeseung licks his lips and this time he trudges closer. jake glances at him, eyes full of hope. maybe his heeseung hyung can fix this mess. he can, right? thatâs what echoes inside his mind.
âangel...â he gulps and you noticed how heâs a little off right now. heâs far from the reserve and calm, heeseung youâre used to.
he looks... anxious. the fear and trepidation flashes clearly through his eyes. something youâve never seen before.
âtell me whatâs wrong, hmm? weâll talk about it.â he says using his calmest tone. âweâll figure things out.â
that caught you off-guard. if thereâs something about these four men have in common is that they love being in control of you. they get off seeing fear and watching you submit to them.
so to hear him saying those words are new for you. talk? will they really listen? what if they just laugh at you if you opened it up to them.
those questions clouded your mind to the point that you didnât notice jake approaching closer. heeseung wanted to stop him, but he knew thereâs no preventing jake from getting close. its either he lets him or heâll completely lose it.
jakeâs warm hands wraps over your wrist is what snaps you back in to your senses.
âsweets...â he calls you. his eyes scanned your face and wait if youâll resist his affection once again.
he gulps, hope igniting when you didnât shove his hold off. he took a step closer and this time cups your face. your cheeks warm that sent comfort to jake.
âtell us whatâs wrong...â he whispers, pleading. he rest his forehead on top of yours and shut his eyes. âplease.â he added.
that made you cry. because you got scared. youâre afraid to confront them because it may end everything.
âwhat a-am i to you, really?â you started that caught them off-guard.
ây-you guys...â they kept their stares right at your face, waiting attentively to what youâre about to say.
âyou treat me like a toy. youâre playing with me like as if i d-donât have feelings.â
if the scene moments ago hurts them, then this surely broke everything in them. they were silent for a while. reflecting to all the things theyâve done so far to you. yes, they were a little less insolent the other day, but what they did to you probably made you misunderstand it.
jake was the first one to retract, âwhat? no, sweetheart.â he licks his lips and cares your cheeks gently. he shakes his head continuously.
âwe...â he gulps, nervous. he locks his gaze at you and softens, tears brimming his eyes. âi love you.â he blurted out that made you hitch your breath.
that obviously is not what you expected to get from him. specially from jake. heâs the player, always have girls around him. youâve never heard him say those words to anyone.
your eyes stares right at his desperate ones, trying to search for any traces of mischief over them. but none. sincerity and desperation is all you can see through them.
a warm hand rests at the small of your back then someone rests his forehead at the side of your head. his familiar manly scent invades your nose.
jayâs eyes are tightly closed when you try to glance at him. his jaw clenched hard as his hand bore onto your back.
âiâm sorry if you misunderstood us, baby. thatâs not how we want things to escalate.â he mumbles so softly. nuzzling close to you, like as if it will help ease those pain away.
it made you sob. heeseung approaches and his friends gave space for him. he grabs one of your hand and caress it. while staring at your eyes, he placed a gentle kiss on it while the other two boys tries to hugs you. jakeâs got his face buries on the crook of your neck, jay remains standing beside you.
âiâm sorry, angel. we...â he couldnât continue right away. he gulps. âwe didnât know this is how you feel.â
tears streams down your face. continuously. and your chest aches, but this time its for a different reason. you didnât expect any of these. you imagined them scoffing and laughing at you for actually catching feelings for them. they basically mistreated you.
jake tightens his hug on you, refusing to let go. his warmth envelopes you. jay has his hand placed at the small of your back, caressing it up and down. heeseung has your hand, kissing it from time to time.
the three of them whispered their sorries. they totally feel bad. as your eyes roams around, it caught sunghoonâs.
heâs still standing at his place. didnât move a step. heâs just there, watching all of this unfold. his heart aches, thatâs for sure. he wanted to come close to you too just like how his friends are trying to console you, but his feet are stoned.
he cannot do it. heâs afraid.
out of all of them, heâs the meanest. he says the most hurtful and degrading words towards you. of course, he meant none of them. heâs just caught up in the moment and to the thought of dominating you.
his heart drops at the sight of your tear stained eyes. all those times heâs been rough on you flashes back through his mind like a montage. he hates it. he hates himself.
heeseung whips his head back to look over his shoulder. he can see how sunghoon has his fists balled. how he looked scared. heâs never seen him this way.
âdude.â he calls.
jake lifts his head to look at his friend, jayâs watching too. sunghoon kept silent, his lips shaken.
âh-hoon?â you called him out, now starting to feel worried by how heâs acting.
sunghoonâs eyes stings as it heats up. he knew heâs tearing up, but he wonât let you see him shed tears. not because heâs trying to mask it ouy, but 'cause he knew it will make you even sadder. heâs scared that he will cause more damage.
his eyes met his heeseung hyung and he nods with a small encouraging smile. the four of them grew up together. theyâve known each other their whole life, so he knew why sunghoonâs not approaching.
its not because heâs mad. heâs being careful. and sunghoonâs never been like this towards someone.
sunghoon gulps then take small courageous steps. your eyes watch him carefully, waiting patiently.
when heâs steps away from you, his eyes softens and you saw how his hand trembles when he lifts it to touch you. he backs out, hesitating to lay his hand on you.
âiâm sorry.â he says in a low voice.
it was such a short sentence but the amount of emotion his eyes shows is enought to let you know that he has so many more that he wants to say.
your eyes scanned his face. slowly, you laid your hand out for him. its a way to let him know that its fine and that you allow him to touch you.
his eyes darts at it. he contemplates, but eventually reaches out. your warm hands sent comfort to sunghoonâs cold ones. it gave him life.
âiâm sorry, pretty. w-weâre really sorry.â he mumbles as he buries his face on your neck. his big figure almost covers you up from heeseungâs perspective.
they watch silently. thankful that youâre just too nice to even let them be this close to you. they exchange look to each other and knew they had to do something to make it up to you.
âforgive us, angel. weâll do better from now on.â heeseung says and rest his big hands on your hip.
you looked at him and kept silent.
honestly, youâve been thinking of ending it between them. the amount of stress and overthinking youâve been going through because of them was unhealthy. you promised that after confronting them and if they confirmed that theyâre just here for the fun, youâll bolt out.
but... this is totally a big turn of events.
your lips stretched a little. a subtle gentle smile, but still visible to their eyes are what relieved them.
âokay.â
jake rushes closer and kisses your cheeks multiple times. âreally, sweets? thank you! i love you!â he excitedly mumbled between his kisses.
you felt sunghoonâs big strong arms wrapping tightly around your waist.
âthanks, baby. we will try our best.â jay caught your attention when he rest his hand on top of your head, giving it light taps.
the corner of his lips lifts before leaning to kiss you on the lips. âi love you.â he whispers, like he doesnât want the other boys to hear. like it was only meant for you.
jake steps in, the sulky boy in him coming out. âkiss me on the lips too!â he argues and pouts his plump lips.
jay snorted and swat his arms. you chuckles and lets him lean in for a swift kiss. his eyes sparkling after that smooch.
heeseungâs hands digs on your hip as he leans silently to drop a kiss on your lips. it was soft and lasts for a few seconds. when he pulls away, he remains close and smiles.
âthank you, angel. weâll be good boyfriends. right?â he says and looks at his friends which they responded with nods.
you blushed, âb-boyfriends?â surprised.
heeseung smirks then nods, âyouâre our girl.â he pinches your cheeks lightly. ânot some toy.â
sunghoon places a kiss on your neck then pulls away. his eyes bores to you. they glisten affection and relief.
âour pretty girl.â he whispers and dips his head to give you a feathery hot kiss on the lips.
your eyes opens when he pulls away.
âwe need to work on our issues in order for this to work. we donât want another misunderstanding like this.â heeseung announces.
âdo you have anything else you donât like, angel? except from us being total assholes...â he cleared his throat.
your mind wonders. âi d-didnât like what we did the last time. its o-overwhelming...â
they all looked at you with cute eyes then jay chuckles. âi mean she did passed out that time. her stamina couldnât handle it.â he says.
heeseung nods, âat least we get to try it once, right?â he smirks, the memories of the night still lingers to his mind.
you blushed and glanced away.
âis that all, angel?â
you look back at heeseung and nodded.
âplease stop being aggressive.â you reminded, ears turning red.
they almost cooed at how adorable you looked.
âwe promise.â they say almost in unison then approaches for a group hug with you in the middle, making sure they arenât squishing you too much.
âbut we can still do threesome, right?â jake asks innocently that made all of you whip your heads at his direction.
âjake!â they all hissed at him for still being horny despite the wholesome situation that only made you chuckle.
âhi!â you shyly greets when you saw heeseung outside of your house, leaning over his black audi.
its monday morning and youâre beyond surprise to receive a text message from him saying heâll be picking you up for school. of course you got excited. this will be the first time.
âgood morning, beautiful.â he smirks and snakes his arms around your waist to pull you closer.
your cheeks blushed at his words then stomach churns when he leans in for a kiss. it seems so natural. like this is your usual morning routine.
âget in.â he instruct and even open the door for you.
once inside, he swiftly walks around to ride the driverâs seat. then off you go. it was a short drive, but it isnât awkward. heeseungâs asking questions from time to time to start a conversation while a low music plays on his radio.
the moment his car enters the parking area designated for the students, you saw familiar boys. jayâs leaning over his car while jake and sunghoon bickers about something.
âoh theyâre early.â you mumble because usually you arrive first.
heeseungâs always on time since heâs the schoolâs president. jay and jake arrives at school just on time. sunghoonâs the one always late, unless he have his morning practices.
their heads whips at your direction once they heard the familiar blaring of heeseungâs car. jake turns his back over hoon then waves like an excited puppy. he for sure cannot see you yet as the car is heavily tinted, but it made you smile. heâs so cute.
heâs on your side of the door once heeseungâs done parking it. he waits until the carâs unlocked and then open it for you.
âsweetheart!â he greets happily then hugs you.
heeseung shakes his head while smirking then unclasped your seatbelt for you as youâre busy greeting jake, returning his hug.
jay and sunghoon walks closer as well then hoon went to grab your things from the backseat. he naturally carries it, letting one strap hangs on his arm.
âhey, baby.â jay greets and placed a kiss on your cheek.
âhi jay.â
âi arrived earlier than both of them!â jake interrupts, proudly letting you know how heâs very punctual today.
âwow, thatâs great jakey.â you complimented him and his eyes sparkles.
âyeah, right. youâre so childish.â sunghoon commented before leaning towards you for his kiss.
all of you walks on the hallways together. sunghoon and heeseungâs is a few steps ahead while jakeâs beside you telling you about his dog. even showing you her cute pictures and bragging how sheâs the smartest dog ever. which sunghoon quickly argues that his dog is much better.
jayâs on your other side, silently listening to his friendâs playful banters. heâs very used to it already and slowly, you too.
curious eyes follows the five of you. thereâs a hint of surprise and judgment through them. some are whispering, some just stares with mouth slightly gapped and others just donât care.
honestly, it bothers you. their eyes carefully watching you is making you uneasy. it felt so weird being watched that it makes you wonder how these boys got used to this.
jakeâs warm hand envelops yours that caught your attention. he smiles, his red plump lips distracting you.
âdonât mind them, sweets. theyâre just jealous.â he whispers, eyes staring straight at yours.
with blushing cheeks, you blinked twice. âw-why? because iâm with you guys?â
he shakes his head and leans closer, his lips grazing your ears that made your stomach drop. âbecause youâre ours.â
to say that your face turns red is an understatement. your heart races and he just winks then continues talking about other things.
when you arrived at the classroom, theyâre all looking curiously. wondering why these boys are acting this way around you. as far as they remember, they used to bully you around. basically why you end up becoming a loner.
âhere, pretty.â sunghoon says and placed your things at the side of the chair. you thanked him and he just smiled before walking to his seat.
jay and heeseung did the same but jake remains near you, pouting hardly.
âcanât i move seats?â he complains.
you chuckle and cares his arm, âgo to your seat now, jakey.â
he sighs and wants to lean to give a kiss but stops himself. you did talked about them not to do pda in public or at least when around a lot of people. not everyone is open for this kind of relationship, you just donât want any issues.
âjake, stop being sulky and sit down.â jay calls him then rolls his eyes.
the said boy just raises his fist and showed his middle finger to his friend. you chuckled and just sat down so jake can go to his chair.
eventually, the homeroom teacher walks inside for morning reminders. she mentioned the upcoming fieldtrip which slightly riles you up. youâre excited to go at the museums and such.
during the breaktime, the boys accompanied you. sunghoon and jake to be specific. the other two are busy on student council so its just the three of you.
âwhat do you want to eat, doll?â sunghoon asks while pulling a chair for you.
jakeâs playing with the edge of your hair while watching you carefully.
âanything is fine.â
hoon nods once, âiâll order for you.â
âthank you, hoon.â with a smile.
he smirks then squeezed your hand before walking off. jake and you sat down at the table.
âdid heeseung hyung told you already?â he starts.
âabout?â
âheâs taking you out on a date later.â he says casually while doing something to his phone. his forehead narrows, very focus.
âa d-date?â
he hums, answering your question with a short nod. heâs not looking at you, still hooked to his phone. âwhere?â
he shrugs, âhave no idea.â
your heart hammered just by the thought of going on a date with thee lee heeseung. yes, they did said that theyâll make it up to you and that confirmed your relationship with them, but sometimes it still donât sink in.
theyâre your boyfriends...
your eyes caught the glimpse of what jakeâs doing and you got distracted. its a picture of you. that was the first time you saw it.
âis that me?â
jake whips his head at you then smiled, âyes! iâm putting you as my wallpaper.â then he clicked something before locking it and opening the screen to show you.
its a candid picture of you. you forgot when it was, but it was obvious that youâre unaware of him taking that photo. youâre focused on something.
âbeautiful, isnât it?â his smug smirk looked adorable. he cocked his eyebrow once, smirking wider. âthatâs my girlfriend.â
you blushed even harder. âstop it.â
he chuckled, finding you adorable. instead of stopping, he stared more intensely making you even more flustered.
âj-jake..â and you glance away.
âfine, iâll stop.â finally, he glances away, his big grin not wiping off.
sunghoon arrives afterwards and the three of you enjoys the time together before going back to your class.
during your vacant, some of your classmates are doing random things inside the room. you find it a waste to just do nothing and remembered about the history assignment.
you stood up and instantly, four heads whips at your direction. when the bell rang and one of the students announced that it was your vacant, they all naturally gathered around you.
âwhere are you going?â they almost ask at the same time.
âa-at the library.â you answered, shy that all of their attention is now directed at you. its slowly becoming a habit, but thatâs something you will never get used to.
âiâll go with you.â heeseung was quick to stand up and fix his uniform slightly before carding his soft black hair once.
you gulped, âo-okay...â and your eyes dropped at the three boys who remains sitting down.
sunghoon smiles, âsee you later, doll. iâm sleepy.â he reasons then leans over his table.
jay just smiled. jake have this pout on his lips. âi really want to coââ his words got interrupted when jay covered his mouth.
âshut up.â
heeseung covers your line of sight from them then flashes this soft smile. âletâs go?â he says and just like being hypnotized by his gaze, you nod your head.
heeseung ushered you to the library, asking what youâre going there for. once informed about the assignment, he said that heâs already finished with his so heâll just help you.
you canât help but to be at awe for this man. can he be more perfect? heâs good in everything.
he find you guys a vacant table and asked you to sit down. he said he will look for the book he used and you thanked him. it didnât took long before you saw him walking back with a handful of books. strangely, he fits this image well.
youâre in complete trance when he walked closer then placed it on the table. he then started pointing the references he used and told you that you can gather information from those articles then summarize it to your own words.
that was plenty for you. considering it will save you time doing this assignment. with a small smile you thank him then proceed on focusing on the task. heeseung sat beside you and watch how your brows draws closer.
his grin grew wider and fingers starting playing through his lower lip. his stares never left you then it slowly trailed down from your brows to your nose and then lips. those damn lips...
he inhaled and licked his lip, cleared his throat in the most silent way.
now, he went here with you with the most genuine intention of helping you. but then his thoughts are starting to wonder into something... inappropriate.
you did said that you only disapprove of them being mean and aggressive, right? being horny is not mentioned. so you probably wonât mind if he fingers you knuckle deep right now.
god, just by thinking of it, heeseungâs already salivating.
besides, its not his fault that you look so innocent and very pretty looking all serious.
he rests his hand on your thigh that made you jolt in surprise. you blinked twice then turns your head at his direction. heâs giving you this lazy look while biting over his lips.
your chest hammered and stomach churns when he started caressing your thighs gently. making sure you can feel his rough palms rubbing against your exposed skin.
âh-heeseung...â
he raised an eyebrow, âyes, angel?â he asks innocently like as if heâs not doing trailing his hands upwards into your inner skirt.
âw-weâre in the library...â and you roam your eyes trying to check if thereâs people near enough to get suspicious of whatâs going on under the table.
âexactly. go study.â he says with a grin.
âw-what are you doing? they might seeââ
âshh, donât worry. just be a good girl and do your assignment, okay?â and he leans to drop a kiss on the side of your head, ushering you to continue doing your work.
after staring at him for a while and realizing he ainât going to stop, you decided to just go with it. besides, you canât hide the arousing feeling that slowly poisoning your whole system. your head starting to get fuzzy, core getting wet as he started to trace the line of your pussy.
you hummed, teeth sunk onto your lower lip in attempt to stop any moans that wants to come out. âungh,â
he chuckles sexily, âtry to be quiet. weâre at the library after-all.â he whispered.
he pulls his hand out then gave it a lick before dipping it back in. âopen your legs for me, please.â he demanded in a very soft tone.
youâre already in deep thoughts, unable to even respond properly and just obliged his dirty desires. once he have a better access, heeseung pushes your underwear to touch you bare.
his fingers are hot and rough. feels so good. he started on your clit, rubbing it in a very delicious way.
âfuck, youâre so wet.â he curses, enjoying how your face contorts out of pleasure. pleasure that heâs currently giving you.
âh-hee..â you calls him.
he smirks, loving the way youâre so needy for his fingers.
âall right, i'm going in angel. focus on your assignment.â he stated like as if its even possible to do that. but you tried to pull yourself together. heaved a sigh then looked at the books in front of you. none of the words made sense, but thatâs not important.
your mouth slightly gaps as he inserted one finger inside you. the stretch felt so good it makes you want to moan loudly.
âshh.â he reminded, chuckling.
heâs enjoying it. heâs loving it as much as youâre loving being finger fucked.
he didnât stopped and put another finger. he let it rest inside, trying to take time feeling your tightness around his long fingers. he wants to imagine it to be his dick and he bet it will feel heaven. he shove that thought right away, he needs to focus on you.
âyouâre so tight around me, angel.â he whispered huskily. âeven after being fucked by all of us, youâre still so fucking tight.â he started talking in nasty way.
the way he say it in a calm tone just hits in a different way. you gulped and breath out, calming yourself.
âp-please.â
he smirks and gave you another kiss on the side of your head. he started moving his fingers that almost sent your soul out of your body. the way his fingers moved in and out in your tight hole just feels perfect.
he continues, slowly catching his pace that just added to your pleasure. one of your hand grips over his thighs, squishing it that he quickly find adorable.
âhow i wish its my tongue inside that hole, angel.â he says that he truly means.
you whimpered lowly and tried to keep your eyes open. the words on the book starting to became blurry. it went on for a while until you feel a knot forming on your stomach. a sign that youâre already close.
âheeseung...â you calls out.
he chuckles then rutt his fingers even faster making you whimper softly. you glance at him and he already knew that youâre close. from the way your eyes are half-lidded and teeth digging unto your lips, you are definitely about to release.
he fucks deeper and just a few moments after you came to his fingers, head hanging low and grip over his thighs tightening. you shake lightly that made him chuckle, leaning his head closer to kiss you by the head.
âyou did so well.â he complimented then kept on thrusting in and out in a slow pace, helping you ride your high.
once you calmed down, he pulls it out making you wine. he stares at you then shamelessly took his fingers over his lips to suck it. your eyes grew and cheeks blushed hardly.
âheeseung!â
he smirks, âi deserve a reward, donât you think?â then he winks at you making you lose your mind. heâs going to be the death of you.
âbye baby.â jay smiles and kisses you gently before moving away to give way for sunghoon. heâs already holding his helmet by one of his hand.
âbye, pretty.â he says with a playful grin over you.
you smiled before pouting, âplease drive safely.â
his eyes soften after what you said and leans in again for another kiss. âi will, i promise.â
you nodded and a sulking jake came into your view.
âbye sweets.â he says half-heartedly that made you chuckle then insisted for a kiss just to ease his bad mood.
sunghoon rolls his eyes then grabbed his sulking friend by his uniform and drag him out of there. jake complains and started to argue, but jay helped to drag him away.
heeseung sighs and snaked his arm over your waist, âletâs go?â
you glance at him then nod your head once before going to his car. he opened the door like always and guides your inside.
âwhere are we going?â
he glances, âiâm taking you to our small vacation house by the lake.â he smiles.
you smiled back, âhmm. okay.â
âi called your mom and told her iâll get you home a little late.â
âyou called her?â youâre surprised he even remembered telling it to her.
âyes. i donât want her to be worried or get you in trouble.â he says while eyes fixed at the road.
you pout your lips and looked at more with so much adoration. that was so sweet of him. you can feel your heart races and butterflies going crazy inside your stomach.
heesueng notices your stares and chuckles, âwhy?â
you shake your head, âits just youâre so sweet. it makes my heart melt.â
his smile grew wider, totally proud that he made you feel more special.
âanything for you.â
he said it will took a bit time to get there so you guys went to drive thru so he can buy some food you can eat while on the way. while on the way, you naturally fall into conversations, giggling and teasing each other.
it feels so good. heeseung used to be very intimidating for you. his serious demeanor and the way he seems so calm about everything just makes you feel agitated around him. but eventually, he starts to feel warm. like someone you can entrust yourself fully. they all feel that way, honestly. but heeseungâs the most reliable one, you must admit.
when he noticed your eyelids looking heavier, he chuckles and told you that you can sleep for a while.
âbut how about you?â feeling a little bad that youâll leave him driving.
he smiles assuringly, âiâll be fine, angel.â
and with that you slowly dozed off. he lets you sleep until youâre already pulling over the driveway of their small vacation house. its not particularly small. its actually above average, but maybe for people like him who probably have many vacation houses, this is small for him.
âcareful.â he mumbled and quickly reaches for your hand when the rocky path greets you.
the house is very cozy and simple. the clear view of the lake can be seen from the big glass windows. it was beautiful.
âyou can go roam around while i set our food inside the fridge.â heeseung says then kisses you at the head before heading to the kitchen.
your eyes wanders around with curiosity and admiration. everything looks expensive. your eyes darted at the table filled with picture frames. with full curiosity, your feet trudges closer.
âwow...â was the first word that came out from your mouth. you can see pictures of their family. his dad and mom. him and his older brother.
âcutie!â you exclaimed when you saw heeseungâs baby picture. he does resembles him that you can tell right away that it was him.
your smiling ear to ear then fished your phone to take a snap of that pic. after getting satisfied with your shots, you slowly head over the small balcony where you can see the lake.
âwow, its so refreshing.â you mumble under your breath then leaned over the railings, letting the wind blow onto you.
you jolted when a pair of arms wrapped over your waist. âenjoying the view?â
ây-yes.â
heeseung kisses your cheeks then place his chin on your shoulder. the two of you admired the view while holding that position. the breeze is kind of cold, but heeseungâs hug kept you warm.
âdo you want to walk around for a bit before we start dinner?â he asks then finally pulls away.
your eyes sparkles, âyes!â
he chuckles, finding you adorable then leans down. âgive me a kiss first.â
your cheeks blushed then blinked twice. the two of your stares at each other for a while until you decided to give in to his request. a big satisfied smile spread across his handsome face then stand back up.
âletâs go.â and he intertwined your fingers.
looking at the lake in a much nearer distance gave you comfort and peace. you never thought watching the soft currence while holding heeseungâs warm hands can make your heart race.
âdo you know when i started liking you?â heeseung breaks the silence.
you craned your neck to glance at him, eyes flashing curiosity. âwhen?â
he stares at your for a while before chuckling lightly then pinching your cheeks.
âyou look adorable, but i have to resist. come on, try to guess.â
his compliment and how he said that using his softest tone soothes something in your heart. it made you blush instantly. despite all of it, you tried to guess like how he requested.
âwhen you started this thing with me?â that was the first one that came in your mind.
you barely remember any interaction with lee heeseung before all of this.
his brows narrowed, âthis thing?â he sighs. ârelationship, angel. thatâs how you call it properly.â he says using a salty tone.
you chuckled and just nods as acknowledgement. he kept his stares, his eyes returning to being gentle and full of affection. a small genuine smile then appears over his lips.
heeseungâs out of words to describe how precious you are for him. heâs usually good on saying the things he wanted to say, but with you his thoughts are starting to be messed up. thereâs just so much he wanted to say yet he donât know where to start.
âit was on seventh grade.â he stated that made your lips gap.
7th grade? but youâre already on eleventh grade. still surprised, you cannot say anything.
âduring that time i experienced my first loss. it may be nothing for a normal high-school kid, but for someone who comes from a perfectionist family who doesnât accept defeat, it is a pretty big deal.â
instantly, you feel slightly bad. of course, youâve heard about his family. they are pretty strict when it comes to him. maybe thatâs why heâs very reserved because he has no time for failure. theyâve put too much pressure on him.
your free hand extends and travels from his arm towards his neck, up to his face. slowly, he relaxes to your touch.
âi remember feeling so worthless while staring blankly at my silver medal.â he resumes telling you the story.
âwhile i stare with despair at it, already imagining the disappointed look from my father, someone approaches me.â he stops.
âguess who?â he smirks. âi'll give you a clue.â then smirk grew wider.
âsheâs very pretty and currently holding me softly right now.â
âme?â you wonder.
he nods. âyou were pretty amazed at my silver medal.â he states, a big smile on his face now.
just the emotion he was showing was enough to tell how delighted he is by reminiscing that moment.
âi was actually annoyed at first because i thought you were mocking me.â he chuckled and you pout jokingly.
âhey, youâre so judgemental.â
he shrugs his shoulders. âcanât blame me, angel. i was still very introverted that time.â
âyouâre still a little introvert now.â
he cocked his eyebrow and you did the same thing, staring back. that made him chuckle.
âokay, maybe youâre right.â he surrenders then drop a kiss on your forehead.
âand then what happened?â you curiously asked.
he smiled. âthen i told you harshly that whatâs so great for second place?â he continued.
you grow silent then tries hard to recall the memory.
âand then you said,â you glanced at him, eyes starting to water a bit.
âthat thereâs nothing wrong with being second place. that it doesnât mean that you failed or you didnât won. that instead of being sad, you should take it as a chance to become better. that it only means you still have a room to grow.â you finished it that made him smile.
âright...â
âhee...â eyes brimming with tears already. âthat was years ago.â you stated, couldnât believe that he started to get interested that time.
his eyes dropped at your intertwined hand and he raised it to gently place a kiss on top of it.
âhee...â you mumbled again, this time voice cracking a little.
he smiles, âsorry if we approached you the wrong way. we just really donât know what to do.â his eyes sparkles, getting a bit teary as well.
âi-itâs okay... i didnât know.â
he chuckles, âobviously. youâre too dense to notice.â
âhey!â you playfully shoot him glares that he just laughed at before leaning in to give you a kiss.
the two of you stared at each other affectionately, enough to communicate what your hearts wants to tell one another.
âi know that with all the responsibilities and the expectation from your parents, it felt heavy. like you feel that you canât be flawed.â you started.
âbut for me youâre just perfect the way you are. with your achievements and failures.â those words tugs his heartstrings, a tear escaping his eye.
the moment you two steps inside the vacation house, heeseungâs lips are attached to you. his kisses are gentle yet passionate. his hands holds you closely to his hot body.
his kisses moves from your lips, down to your chin then neck making sure to suck on your skin making you moan, fingers tangled on his hair.
he slid his arm over your legs then carries you towards the bedroom. he went back to your lips and kisses you once again.
he gently placed you on the bed hovering above you, his hand starting to remove your clothes. and you let him.
when he pulls away, you try to even chase him that made him chuckle.
âwait, angel. iâll just remove my clothes.â
your eyes trailed down his now erect member.
âd-do you want me to...?â
he smiles then shakes his head, âno. today, its just about you.â
then he kisses you again, resuming on discarding every clothing that you still have on you. once fully unclothed, he positions himself in front of you. he started rubbing his head on your now wet core.
your brows narrowed and whimpers sexily.
âiâll go in now, okay?â he glanced at you and a nod is all you gave him.
and while your eyes staring back at each other, heeseung pushes his dick inside. the stretch feels so good, his thick cock making you moan his name. it made him satisfied, hearing you getting comfortable on letting out your moans.
âthatâs right, let me hear you.â he whispered then pinned your hand on the sides, intertwining his fingers to yours.
he lets you get more comfortable with having him inside and connects his lips on yours again, couldnât get enough of your lips. his tongue pushes in, wanting to taste every insides of your mouth.
when he started to move, your head starts to get blank. nothing inside but the man above you and making you feel this good.
he slides in and out. starting with a slow pace then going faster. he thrusts deep and fast sending so much pleasure.
âheeseung...â you moaned after his lips moves away.
âi love you, angel.â he suddenly said that made your heart jumped. you didnât have the chance to say anything as he leans in for a peck.
âi love you so damn much.â and then start thrusting even faster.
âi...â you pursed your lips, eyes shuts as the pleasure from his dick takes away your ability to think and speak properly.
âi..â you attempted again, opening your eyes so you can look at his pretty face.
âlove you too...â you finally finished it.
heeseungâs heart thumped faster and he fucked you even harder. he smiles and leans in for another heated kiss. he loves and adore you.
he continues drilling his cock inside until he felt you tightening around him, indicating the approaching release. he kisses your chin.
âcumming for me, angel?â
you open your mouth, âyes. feel so good.â
he smirks, âi know. pussy so good for me.â and then he rut his cock deeper.
âiâm cumming too..â he announces, feeling the knot on his stomach.
âcum with me.â he orders then attach his lips before going rapidly.
not long after you came around heeseung then he filled you with his hot cum. he pulls away to look at your fucked out face, brushing off some hair. he smiles.
âi love you.â he whispers, still going in and out but in a slower pace. riding both your highs.
you opened your eyes and reaches for his face. this time, you lift your head to give him a sweet kiss with a smile on your face. then you laid back down, staring lovingly at him.
his thrust starts to go faster again and a playful smirk spreads across his handsome face, some of his hairs sticks on his forehead due to sweat.
âround two, angel.â and then you let out a whimper from both pleasure and overstimulation.
the two of you spent the rest of the time just going for each other. heeseung making sure you felt how special you are for him.
lee heeseung is scared of failing. always aiming to be the best and to be perfect. heâs too obsessed on pleasing his parents to the point that he almost lose himself. but with you, he felt at ease. he felt safe and confident knowing that despite all his flaws and just being his true self, heâs still admirable.
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đ đđ [& đđźđŞđ˛ đ´đŹ] đđ!! | tĹji fushiguro
đđ˛đ§đ¨đŠđŹđ˘đŹ: It's bad enough you got a crush on your gym instructor, Toji; however, it gets worse when things become too close and personal for this relationship...But who says you shouldn't get a little praise for your hard work?
đđ¨đ§đđđ§đđŹ: personal trainer! Toji x fem! reader - explicit contents; minors DNI - unrequited/crushing Âť mutual pining - sex in a public space (gym locker room + showers) - shower sex - thigh riding - oral (m! + f! receiving) - ball massaging - face + throat-fucking - breast fondling + nipple play - against a wall + upstanding citizen + standing 69 positions - praise - clitoral play (swiping and pinching) - cervix fucking - pet names (angel, baby, doll, dollface, good girl, princess, sweetie, sweet thing) - unprotected sex (doesn't shoot inside tho) - overstimulation - cameos: Haibara and Ino (gym manager and employee) - the reader accidentally walks into the men's locker room (they're a bit dumb, forgive them, lol) - mention of sweat spit and tears.
đđ¨đŤđ đđ¨đŽđ§đ: 8.4k (i'm about to lose my mind, bro.)
đđŽđđĄđ¨đŤ'đŹ đđ¨đđ: mannnnnn, the way this draft has been collecting dust, it was supposed to be released on Dec!! ofc my first fic back would be for toji lmao. anyways, i hope you enjoy, and tysm for 4.7k y'all are so sweet ;;w;; and thank yeww @ramonathinks for beta-reading, mwah mwah
âThat one was weak; do another three.â
âGahhâ âŚYouâre such an asshole, Fushiguro.â
âHeh, like thatâs anythinâ new. Câmon, letâs go!â
Weâre counting down to the last weeks of the year, and so many people have already promised affirmations for themselves in the upcoming year. In terms of this year, you canât say much. Youâve done your work, hung out with the same people since last year, and probably learned to spoil yourself more. Maybe another thing you can be proud of is that you crossed some TV series off your âget-to-watchâ list, so go you!
Although, besides those minimal things, there is one change in your life that youâve committed yourself to. One thing that you didnât expect to be so in tune with throughout the past half of the year. It started as a forced challenge because your friend Miwa needed someone to motivate her to maintain her gym membership. What was once something youâd thought a one-time thing gradually became something you enjoy â something you felt proud doing!
Not only has your knowledge of your body and how to keep it in good shape improved over half a year, but your love for the community has grown more and more. The gym you go to feels like a second home, with many people youâve gotten to know and befriend along your journey. Even the manager, Haibara Yu, practically treats you like a sibling after seeing you every other day. The same goes for the front desk associate, Ino, who is the goofiest goofball youâve ever met (not to mention the best drinking buddy).Â
But â if you really had to pick â there is one person who has made this experience more enjoyable and worthwhile. âHahhh!! There, I did them! Arenât you supposed to be my spotter, not a shit-talker?â
âIâm doinâ my job, arenât I?â Toji Fushiguro, your gym instructor for the past few months, has been a driving force in your physical journey. With his help, youâve been disciplining yourself in and outside of the facility, maintaining a good diet, and keeping your body active in a balanced fashion. The gratitude you have for him supersedes all. But above all else, throughout the years, the two of you have gotten pretty close and know a good chunk about each other to call yourselves friends â at least, thatâs what youâve been doing. âAlright, thatâs enough lifting for today; time for stretches.â
Aside from a friend, there is something else you refer to him as â something youâd rather die than admit out loud. Toji, your trainer, is your gym crush. Well, your crush in general.Â
Can you really blame yourself, though? Look at the man! When you first look at him, his physique alone is enough to keep you staring at him for hours and hours on end. Strong, bulky arms that look like they could pick up five treadmills in one sitting and with veins that decorate up to his forearm can effortlessly grab the attention of the normal eye. Heâs wearing his black fitted tee, so tight that it was as if it was vacuum sealed to perfectly showcase the outline of his abdomen, ribs, and pectorals. And it doesnât help from the back view either; you canât count how many times you fell into a short trance from admiring his gorgeous back, from his trapezius to his waist. Every time the man flexes his biceps and triceps, all you can do is internally thank the gods for sculpting such a man to be in front of you. And those beautiful thighs and calves shaped from his black leggings and shorts? Damn.
But the thing about him that has you squeak more than a mouse are his eyes. Forest green orbs that can shift into a stern concentration whenever heâs working on a machine or when heâs observing your form and finds whatever needs correcting. Then there are times when they are mellow and soft when youâre speaking with him or when heâs deep in thought about something until you catch his attention. Then heâd throw a small smile at you â your biggest weakness. The scar on his lip being lifted to a curl never fails to put your stomach into knots.
Heâs such an attractive man from the first moment you ever laid your eyes on him. You were bound to fall in love with him one way or another. It just sucks that itâs under such a professional relationship that you have to keep this little unrequited love to yourself.
Which is getting harder and harder every day, especially now when the guy is so close to your face when heâs helping you stretch. Oh, dear lord.Â
Every time you are done lifting weights, Toji will have you do stretches. He has you do them before and after a workout as they give your muscles time to warm up and straighten from the stress you put on them. So now, as youâre laying on your mat, Toji puts one hand on your right leg to keep it grounded on the floor and his other hand on the back of your left to push it up to your chest. The position has the two of you so close, him being situated between your legs and observing your breathing; itâs so wrong of you to dwell your mind into other things â other raunchier things.
And when he brings both your legs up to your chest, how the fuck are you supposed to calm your heart from exploding!?? You have to close your eyes during all this to not be pulled in by the examination of his gaze under his raven bangs. This is, without a doubt, the best worst part of the workouts. Thankfully, this is the last workout of the week, and the gym is about to close within an hour and a half.Â
Toji breaks the suffering silence between you two. âYâre still stiff; take deeper breaths fâr me.â
Oh, if only he knew how your dirty mind took that sentence. You chew on your lip with a gulp, âMaybe I still have a little energy in me that still wants to exercise.â
That made him chortle. âIs that so? Well, maybe after your stretches, you can get on the stairmaster for a few minutes.â
You gawk at him, only furthering the smirk on his face. âAre you serious!?? You promised we wouldnât do any cardio until next week.â
âWell, next week is around the corner,â Toji moves your knees a bit to the left, bending them further down to your chest so his face could be a little closer to yours. Your brain almost short circuits at the movement, trying to distract yourself from the fact that his groin is mere inches away from your shorts. âSo, since ya got the spirit, be a doll and do a few minutes on the machine, okay? Five minutes.â
Your breathing is so slow that youâre too scared to move. Your lips pressed to a thin line to conceal the quiver, and your eyes donât dare venture down. You already know your body is going through its own internal turmoil, a throbbing sense occurring in your lower regions the more you keep looking at Toji, who lifts a brow from awaiting your response. Oh, this man is going to kill me.
ââŚFive minutes.âÂ
âAtta girl.â With a scoff, he finally straightens himself and places your legs on the mat. Toji then stands on his feet and grabs his bag. âGonna head for the showers; finish up those stretches and head for the stepmaster. See ya later, Y/n.â And you watch him leave for the menâs locker room, finally having room to breathe. Before you can conclude your stretches with a cobra and childâs pose, you grumble to yourself in a whisper.
Why the hell did I have to fall in love with such a snarky, gruff, older guy like himâŚ
âââ ââ
ââ
â âââ
You enter the locker room after completing the instructed exercise. Your mind is dizzy from walking on the step machine for about fifteen minutes, and your legs are mere minutes from turning into jelly. You curse Toji internally for the insufferable torture youâve stressed on your poor limbs.Â
No matter, though; youâre finally done for the evening and can head home to your soft bed. The gym will close soon, so perhaps you could use the locker room showers to freshen up. But then again, after the strain youâve put on your body for almost two hours, all you want to do is be home and listen to your favorite music. I donât feel like cooking today⌠Â
Further into the room, you can hear the sound of someone using the showers, indicating you had picked the right idea to head home. You head for the locker side to grab your items to put in your bag before leaving, and itâs then that you hear the water stop running from where the showers are. Oh, shit, make this quick, Y/n!
In front of you is the locker with the number youâre familiar with â where you always leave your things, like your own spot. You open it only to findâŚ.nothing is in the locker? Huh? Where are my leggings? And my phone??
Come to think of it, whereâs your duffel bag that you usually leave on the bench against the lockers? Youâve never had a problem with people stealing from you in this place, so how does a bag full of your stuff magically disappear? There is a bag in here, but itâs definitely not yours. And now that you get a good look, you start to notice that the color of the lockers is of a different, darker shade than what youâre usually accustomed to. Wait a minute, am I in the wrongâ
âY/n?â
You go still at the familiar voice. Oh no, please, God, no. Thereâs no way. Your eyes teeter to the corner as you ever-so-slowly turn to the direction where that voice was coming from. And, of course, it was your personal trainer, who isâOH MY GOD!!!
Toji stands afar on the opposite side of you from the showers, without clothing, his body and hair completely drenched from water. The only thing that covers him is a white towel wrapped around his lower body. His body, which youâre used to seeing being snug tight by his gym clothes, is out for you to see as water trickled down from his clavicle, pecs, ribcage, and abs. For a split second, you take in as much of the image as you can, storing this as itâs a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity in your mind (maybe to fuel more of your erotic fantasies when you go home). But you avert your gaze when your eyes travel down his abs, counting each one until you reach below his belly button, where strays of dark hair become more prominent with a trail down his pelvis andâOkay, stop looking, stop looking!!
âMâMr. Fushiguro!?â You croak, eyes wide with realization at what youâve just done. Your dumbass just walked into the menâs locker room without checking first. And to add salt to the wound, your crush is the first person to catch you in the act, âO-Oh my goodness, Iâm so sorry! I didnât mean to walk in here! Iâll get goingââ
âNo, no, Y/n, calm down,â Toji walks to where youâre standing; a mini-heart attack was about to be deployed until the older man turned to the side to grab for something in his bag. He pulls out a smaller towel. âYa walked in here on accident, right?â
You gulp, seeing the steam from the shower still leave from Tojiâs nude body. âUhm, yeahhh, I donât know where my head was at. SorryâŚâ
The gym instructor scoffs at your apology. âIt happens; mustâve been a bit light-headed from the exercise and forgot where yâre at. Heh, guess those five minutes did more damage than I thought.â
âAhaha, yeah, it wasâŚprettyâŚ.dreadfulâŚâŚâ Were you distracted? Yup. Because Toji used the towel he pulled from his bag to wipe off the water from his arms and face. You couldnât help but survey the manâs movements, watching the small white towel brush on his triceps and glide down to his torso. You continue watching the small towel until your eyes drift to the happy trail on his pelvis. Your breathing goes uneven, thinking of more indecent things that connect with the trail of hair and the limb thatâs shielded by the towel around Tojiâs waist.
ââŚâou thereâŚY/n?â Your name said to you snaps you back, realizing where you are and what you were doing. Your eyes crawl back to Tojiâs face, who throws a small smile at you. âEyes up here, sweetie.â Sweetie?!? If the floor could give way and swallow you, that would be appreciated. âIs there anythinâ else you need to tell me while yâre here?â
No, Iâm in the menâs locker room, so I need to hurry and get the fuck out! âUhmm, n-nope, nothing at all! SoâŚI better get going now. See you later, Mr. Fushiguro!â You turn on the heel of your foot to head for the door, only able to take about five giant steps before Toji stops you again.
âHow was it today?â
Oh, for fuckâs sake, what now!? You look over your shoulder. âExcuse me?â
âThe workout. How was it?â
âItâŚIt was, umm, alright, I guess. I feel like I couldâve done better on the weights.âÂ
âAnd why is that?â
Your body turns to have your front fully face him again. âWell, I mean, I was struggling at the last few repsâŚIâm sure you noticed, too, since you scolded me about it.â
He hums. âYa know I correct you because, I know, you can do better, right, Y/n?â It was rhetoric, but you humor him with a slow nod. He brings the small towel to his head and dries his damp hair. âIâve had many clients who come at me with everything they got or burned out before the first two months. But donât worry, Y/n, I can tell you take pride in what weâre doing, and itâs good to knowâŚâÂ
His words drown out from your ears. You didnât mean for it to â you really didnât. But while Toji was fixing his hair, you snuck more peeks at his body, enjoying his side profile. Admiring the way his arms move and flex, following the rocky silhouette of his abs that lead down to the towel again, you gasp at the dent of something that appears to be between Tojiâs legs. Good lord, even with the cotton material covering him, you can still see it andâ
ââŚ.Y/n.â Oh no, I did it again. You gulp with eyes venturing back to Tojiâs face; the grin grew broader than before. âThat's twice, sweet thing.âÂ
âSâSorry, Mr. Fushiguro. Itâs just that you have a...uhhhâŚâ The heat in your ears makes it hard to concentrate on looking at the ground, anything to avoid your instructorâs gaze. ââŚ..areallynicebodyââ
âHmm? I didnât hear that, sweetie,â Sweetie? Sweetie!? Why'd he call me that? What you should be questioning is why that nickname made your stomach flip. But who are you kidding â if anyone had a crush on their instructor and were called a cute name like that, of course, theyâd be as hot as a volcano. âDidnât catch that, say it frâ me again.â
âIâI said that,â Oh for fuckâs sake, this is so embarrassing! âYou have a nice bodyâŚAn attractive body, reallyâŚâ The heat on your cheeks and ears is reaching heights that would have you combust at any moment. Itâs what youâd hope for, honestly. Itâs bad enough youâre stuck in the menâs locker room for not paying attention; now youâre here admitting to your instructor that you got the hots for him. God, please strike me here and now!
Toji says nothing after you say that, and it has your nerves at an all-time high, wondering if you should wait for his reply or just dash for the door and hope no one sees you leaving the menâs locker room. However, his voice breaks the silence, âI can say the same frâ you.â
Oh, stop it. âOh, please, no need to butter me up, Mr. Fushiguââ
âIâm serious.â He shuts down your argument down your argument before you can even finish. âCâmere.â
Why did you do what you were about to do? You couldâve just declined, exited the facility, and headed straight home to wallow away about this entire interaction, maybe find a different gym to form a membership with. But you didnât. Instead, with downcast eyes, you slowly approached your instructor, who stood behind the locker bench. âCloser,â he says, noting how youâre about two arms length away from him, which you meekly decrease to one. âYou donât think ya got a nice body?âÂ
The adjacency between you two was too much for you, your face minutes from imploding. Too shy for words, you settle for a nod to give.
âHow come?â
For Godâs sake, this is not a conversation you want to have now with your crush instructor in the middle of the menâs locker room. âIâŚWell, Mr. Fushiguroââ
âToji,â he cuts you off, discarding the small towel to the top of his bag. âYâre over here tellinâ me I look good when youâre the one lookinâ like you could strike any guy that walks up in this place. Doncha think so?âÂ
Again, your eyes avoided his toweled figure, focusing on the tiled floor beneath your sneakers. âI guess, butâŚToji, when compared to you, Iââ
âThen thatâs what ya shouldnât be doinâ, who told you to compare y'rself to others?â Toji brings a hand to your chin to make your avoidant peer placed on him, a move you were not mentally strapped in for. âIâm me, and yâre you, right?âÂ
âRightâŚâ
âAnd thatâs a good thing,â the hand on your chin slides down to the inside of your hoodie, his forefinger sneaking under the band of your sports bra. It makes your breathing stop. âBut ya know what else I think?â
âWhat?â You sounded so low â so tiny â you didnât know if he could hear you. He then brings his face close to your ear, and you couldâve sworn you almost felt your heart jump out of your throat. His free hand comes around your waist, pulling you even closer to him. The cotton of the towel now brushed your leg, and you could sink into a pool of embarrassment at the gasp you let out.
His voice was hoarse and low, the air from his nostrils grazing the skin of your ear. ââŚI think yâr body is the sexiest thing Iâve seen.âÂ
The sentence hit you like a truck, your heart almost giving in to a complete shutdown. âHuhâOhhhh, wait,â Toji takes a nibble of your ear while his hand slithers your hoodie off of you, freeing your arms and covered chest where he creeps his hand inside next. You whimper at his fingers on your nipples that harden at his grinding touch. âToji, wait, please waitâŚDo you really meanââ
âMhmm, I do,â He coos, and a kiss to your neck nearly has you give way and lose balance; lucky for you, Toji was smart enough to have a leg between yours. âNow that I have you here, Iâll prove it.âÂ
âWeâreâAhhnnnâŚBut weâre in the menâs locker room,â Toji brings his face up to look at you, your half-lidded eyes locked with his emerald orbs. âSomeone could see usâŚâ
Your worries are taken with a caress to your cheek. âDonât worry about other people when yâre with me. I gotcha, baby.âÂ
âAnd IâmâŚOhooo, really sweatyâŚâ
âNothinâ a shower canât fix.â
And before you refute him again, Toji places his scarred lips onto yours, a shocked moan muffled as he kisses and sucks on your bottom lip. The hand in your bra now positions to the back of your neck, positioning you for him to deepen the kiss once you allow him access to your mouth. And once you kiss him back, all the reins of restraint have been discarded along with your hoodie to the floor.
The sounds of lips smacking get louder by the second, the passion in the kiss unraveling when you bring your hands to cup his cheek and have his face practically glued to yours. And Toji complies, shoving his tongue to tease and play with yours. The hand that was on your waist comes down to your ass for him to grope with the flesh, urging more of your sobs to be taken from him. Is it possible for your brain to turn into mush from a kiss? Youâre finding that out now, breaking the kiss to gather whatever air you can before Toji claims your lips again.
The leg youâre riding on is nestled between your thighs, rubbing against the groin of your shorts. With every kiss and hump comes a grind on his leg, and it alleviates the growing ache thatâs flourishing in your panties. Shivers travel up your spine and heighten your horniness, this elated feeling so dangerous that you could turn into putty at any second.
Toji lets go of your lips with a heavy pant, breathlessly snickering at his work; turning his cute client into a mess flipped a switch heâs been dying to indulge with. âMmmm, yâre too fuckinâ cute, baby,â he wipes your mouth before letting you go; you hold back a whine when he removes his warm figure from you and steps back. Itâs then that your instructor finally removes the towel thatâs been shielding a now-discernible tent. The white towel meets the floor, and you follow his happy trail to meet with his erection, a sight that makes your jaw drop. The older man takes a seat on the bench behind him, and his legs spread out for his dick and balls to be ever-so-present and seen.
âYa see how crazy you and yâr body make me?â He bites his lip, getting more turned on with you marveling at him and his length. âCâmere, angel, lemme see what you can do.â It takes a good mental slap to snap out of your frozen state and look at the thing youâve been imagining all these months. Now, when the chance has finally been brought to you, how could you pass this up? Following Tojiâs command, you come close and go to your knees between his legs.Â
The sheer size and girth of his length nearly put you in a trance, your eyes taking every detail of his erection before your eyes. Every dent and curve, the prominent veins from the underside, and the oddly pretty pink tip where bits of precum dare protrude from the urethra. Your raised hand has hesitance, yet Toji is quick to assuage your unease, taking your hand with his and wrapping it on his cock. The rough skin on your palm hitches your breath, âHmmm, oh fuck. Yeah, just like that, princess.â
And there he goes again, egging you on with more cute pet names. Your hand slides up and down along his shaft from the tip to the base, and the sensation of its veins is so raunchy for your overwhelmed fingertips. Tojiâs gruff hums to your touches stick to your ears the most, a sound you never in your wildest dreams thought youâd be lucky enough to hear. You want to keep hearing them, want them to be stored in your memory for as long as you can. And when you meekly tease his glans with a tiny lick, the hiss he expresses turns you on even more, so much so that you take the tip with patience and start to suck.
Toji throws his head back to the lockers behind him; the feeling of your tongue rolling around his girth as you inhale his cock is crazy. Fuck, it felt so good â he has to fight the urge to rut into your hollow cheeks and puffy lips. âHahhhâŚMmmm, damnâŚ.Ahahaha, ya know how to use that mouth of yârs, Y/n. Keep suckinâ me off like that, and IâllâOhhh! Shit, shit, shiiiit,â he wasnât prepared for you to take in his entire erection to the hilt. The tightness of your throat around him sends shivers, having to use the bench to grip onto.
You bob your head along his length, a hand accompanying the motions to further the exhilaration. Spit and come wet your palm, yet youâre too focused on the task to care, the haze of your brain increasing every time your lips meet the pubes of his pelvis. The jerk of his hips entails that youâre doing a good job, Toji bringing a hand to the back of your head when you kiss and lick on the head of his cock. You take note, assuming that itâs his weak spot, and continue to suck and tease the tip some more, massaging his testicles which almost had him choke.Â
ââHnnmph! Fuckinâ shit, I canâtâŚâ Toji then has enough of this ribbing pleasure, unable to hold it anymore. With a careful hold on your skull, he stands from the bench and plows your face with his member. The harsh hit of his hips propelling his dick down to the deep crevices of your throat was sudden; the assault on your uvula results in your gag reflex; however, Toji was here to calm you down, âItâs alright, angel, breathe frâ me.â He caters to you with a mediocre rhythm to the hips, the movement relieving the abrupt stress to your throat as you hum on his cock. You find purchase on his thighs to stabilize yourself while he plays with you orally, dialing up the pumps to your mouth until it reaches an erratic mood. Fuck, it has your head ringing, but the growing twinges and throbs between your legs practically excite you for more. Goddamn, it feels so good. So fucking good. âJesus ChristâY/n, Iâm âbout to cum. Keep swirlinâ that tongueâŚNnmmm, fuuck, right there, right thereâAhhhck!!â
His release comes with a few rough hits to your lips, his balls hitting your chin until theyâre pressed against it. He pups his load into you, and you take it like a champ, letting the fluid venture down as the girth pulsates around your walls. His choked breathing eventually simmers down, giving it a few long seconds before he steadily removes himself from your warm cavity. The last remnants of his white substance paint your tongue, your saliva coating him. And with a voluntary swallow, you open your mouth again to showcase your clean change.
âHeh, didnât even have to tell you,â Toji chortles, bringing a thumb to wipe your chin. âGood girl.â
KA-CHA! CREEEEK!!
Wide green eyes shoot wide along with yours, and the both of you go frozen rigid. That was most definitely the sound of a door opening. The door to the menâs locker room, where you are on your knees, in front of your personal instructor, with his dick out for the whole world to see. The blood in your body runs cold, and your stomach drops to the chilly floor. Oh, itâs over. Itâs done. Your life is officially coming to an end. Welp, itâs time for me to think of a good suicide note when I get home andâ
Pause on that. Because one moment you were thinking of your demise from this discomfiting situation, next youâre being dragged by Toji to the other part of the locker room, the showers. He swiftly opens a curtain and throws you both inside with a close, and the wet tiles soaked to your socks have you cringe, so you take them off. Â
âHello?â Itâs a guyâs voice, of course â Inoâs. The young man is probably inspecting the male locker rooms before they close for the night like usual. You donât dare speak so much as a letter when the footsteps draw closer to the showers, your heart rate spiking to a nervous high, and your breathing shallow. This is worse; now youâre in a confined space, face-to-face with Toji, who is utterly nude, towel left back on the bench. Your eyes locked with his, and your ears to the sounds of shoes entering the plane. âAnyone here? Saw some stuff at the front.â
âYeah, Iâm here,â your expression turns to sheer terror, wide orbs looking at the raven-haired man who spoke. No! Why would you say something!?Â
âHmm? Toji, that you?â Inoâs voice comes closer, in front of the shower curtain that shields you from his field of vision. Your heart is on the verge of dropping to your intestines. âYouâre still here? Figured youâd be home by now.â
âNah, Iâm still here. Just about to finish up and head out.â Toji then turns on the faucet, cold peeps of water hitting your sweaty skin, panties, and sports bra. And, of course, it catches you off guard. OH FUUUUUUâ You donât scream. You canât. Instead, you shield your mouth and turn your back to Toji after giving him the most outstanding death glare of your life, which the older finds amusement in. You wipe your face from the water, cursing internally at this entire predicament.Â
âOh, okay, cool. I was just worried someone left their stuff on that bench over there. Carry on, and have a good night!â Ino dismisses himself and leaves the showers, and you exhale a silent sigh of relief. Oh, thank goodnessâŚ
Toji, on the other hand, sees your relieved state, and he canât help but grin to himself with what heâs about to do. Moving closer to you, he brings his wet hands to your sports bra and immediately goes to fondling your breasts. A moan sneaks past you at the contact, prompting him to grope you even more. âTâToji,â the water gradually gets warmer, juxtaposing with his cold fingers. âStop, we have to leave, this isâOhoooâŚâ He tweaks your nipples with his forefinger and thumbs, and a leg sneaks in between yours.
âRelax, dollface, itâs just you and me here,â Oh, sweet Lord, you almost fell to your knees when he whispered to your ear and a teasing lick to your helix. âGot ya all to myself, nowâŚâ Toji kisses the crook of your neck, his wet hair brushing your cheek while he snakes his hand down into your panties. The way his fingers graze your clit again has you arch your back to him, another hushed shriek when he bullies his way between your folds.Â
âHey, Toji?â Inoâs voice again. Back to anxious stakes now that Tojiâs toying with you. Goddamn it, Ino! What are you still doing here!? âI noticed you left your towel on the bench over there. But I also saw Y/nâs hoodie there.â Oh, fuck me!! Shit, shit, shitâ"Ohhmph!!"
With quickness, you covered your mouth before your moan caught the ears of the front desk employee. And the reason for that is that Toji pulled down your soaked underwear and gave your chasm a sudden lick. If Ino werenât back here, youâd give your personal trainer the nastiest kick to the throat you could ever do. But when he inserts a finger inside you, your aggression withered away in seconds.Â
âHuh? Ohh, yeah, âbout that,â Toji stands back up and continues to finger you, chuckling at the sight of your trembling figure using the wall as leverage. âI saw âem before headinâ to the locker room. We talked for a while, but then they said they needed to change and told me to hold their hoodie for âem.â He says it so casually, all the while scraping your inner walls with the tip of his forefinger, summoning hushed cries that turn to silent screams when his free hand comes down to playfully pinch and press on your clitoris. God, this is too much torture for one night.Â
Ino keeps questioning. âReally? I had someone check the other locker rooms, and she said she didnât see anyone or anything except for a few personal items and leggings in one of the lockers. Iâm guessing those would be Y/nâs, but where could they be?â Little did he know that you were just a curtain pull away from being found, chewing hard on your lip to quash your screams from the erratic swiping on your clit and the curving hits of his digits in your wetness.
âMmmm, they probably are at another part of the gym or waitinâ for me at the front.â He lies effortlessly, yet his attention is still on you as he removes his fingers from you, the pleasure subsiding from the removal. Instead, he brings his erection in between your folds and humps you, and the feeling of his dick on your lips worsens the throbs in your awaiting cunt. With the heat coming from the shower and your uneven breaths, youâre bound to faint at any moment.Â
âAhh, makes sense. Alright, Iâll try and find them then,â you donât say anything, just hesitant breaths when you feel the tip of Tojiâs cock align and lightly push to your slick-coated entrance. Holy fuck, this is actually happening! Your lips quiver when Toji comes down to your ear to tell you to relax your body from tension, quietly maneuvering you by pulling your lower half to him. You do big inhales and exhales while the man pushes his cockhead to enter your cunt, wincing at the few seconds of pain that accompany each push. âSee you later, Toji, and I put your towel on the hood next to your shower for when youâre done. Good night!â
âSee ya.â And with Tojiâs dismissal, Inoâs footsteps draw farther and farther from where you two are. And the moment you hear the locker room door slam close, Toji pushes the entire cockhead inside of you. Finally, you can squeal out to your heartâs content, balling your fists on the shower wall while your personal trainer wedges his length inside of you and stretches your walls. The girth was definitely something you knew would be an obstacle to accommodate, and itâs worse when your slit keeps clamping around the foreign limb invading inside. Tears begin to swell from the stinging touch, not that they would be distinguished by the shower water hitting behind you and Toji.
âHaahh, ahahhnn, mmmm,â Your wails seep out from your system right as the base of his cock kisses your lower region lips. And after a few seconds, he starts with a slow pace. Knowing that you can feel every dent and vein within you is insane to comprehend; the heat across your cheeks cranks up due to the euphoric sensations. âOhhhh, my God, Tojiii. Iâm so fullâŚâ
Toji pecks on your shoulder, âYeah, sweet thing? I bet so. Just be a good girl and keep grippinâ on me like that, alright? Gonna start movinâ nowâŚâ His hips rut into your vagina, pulling his shaft slowly outward and rushing it back inward. Holy shit, it felt so dreamlike â having him actually move inside of you. But it was very much real; having his pelvis meeting the flesh of your ass was proof of such.
A hand snakes down to your clitoris, and a gasp leaves your lips at the brush of his thumb rubbing against it. Your legs tremble at the flick of his finger on your bud, and the pace of his thrusts crank up in speed, making it hard to concentrate on one thing. So many senses are being activated all at once; the shower water raining down on your back, the exhilarating combination of Tojiâs dick grinding down on your insides, and the swipes and pinches on your precious clitoris. God, it was all too much.Â
âArch some more frâ me, princess,â Toji gets up to push your back further down, the walls of your chasm clinging onto him as the more exposed opening gives room for you to be plowed. âHnnmm, shit, feels so goodâŚHey, letâs try somethinâ different.â
By the time the last bit of his sentence could be registered, he already had you turned to face him, folding your arms around his neck. You didnât know what for until he hoisted you up, and then you instinctively grabbed hold for dear life before your back hit the wall, your legs wrapped around him while he held you by the thighs. Toji brings his member back to your labia to insert it back inside, and you two moan at the contact again. Oh, this was different â never have you been lifted like this. And to be elevated by your gym crush, in this connotation, is enough to have you appalled.
But what made your breath hitch the most was Tojiâs face being up close and personal. The bangs stuck to his forehead thanks to the shower water; his jet-black hair was wet and slicked. Trails flow down his face, drops of water plummeting from his nose and chin. And â oh, sweet Jesus â those green eyes of his, so striking as if they could pierce right through you. They were piercing through you. He took in your expression just as you were his, eyes filled with wanton desire, and it was all directed towards you â for you. He flashes a small smile, teeth peeking from beneath his scarred lips.
Oh, my God. You turn to the side to hide your face from his gaze; it definitely wasnât the water that was making your cheeks and ears hot at that moment. But that didnât fly with Toji. He sneaks into a rut that has you jump on his cock, the new position giving his dick an angle to hit your cervix. Because of that, the jab erupts a shriek you had no preparation for withholding.Â
âHeh, aht, aht, donât do that,â Oh, he knows heâs in control of this entire situation; you can hear it in his patronizing chortle. âDonât hide that pretty face from me, doll,â he kisses your cheek and trails down to the crook of your neck. âLet me hear youâAiishhh! Oh, fuuckâŚâÂ
Once Toji begins to jerk his hips to you, you dwell into a pleasure that you never knew existed. Tojiâs length scrapes your inner walls like crazy, like a euphoric itch. The fact that youâre bouncing on the cock of your personal trainer is scary to comprehend. Having him see you like this, hearing you moan and wail for him, you never felt more exposed in your entire life. And also, him holding you like you weigh nothing and fucking you in the menâs locker room showers?! What the actual fuck!? This is actually so embarrassing â I could die!Â
But why would you? The commotion between your legs feels way too good to bring this to a stop â you two are already joined in a union, so why stop? Every stroke to your slit sends a shiver up your spine, clamping onto him every time he brushes up on your sweet spots that make your nerves tingle. And the occasional jabs to your tender cervix? Damn, the stimulation was enough to have you faint with the heat growing tenfold.
âMmmff, hoohhh, ohhhhh,â your cries are drowned out by the shower, only heard by Toji. Speaking of, this position gives you proximity to observe his expression. His eyebrows furrowed, eyes shut as if heâs in the zone. The huffs of breath he takes with every roll of his pelvis are so hot to the ear that you wouldnât mind listening to them all day. Anytime the walls of your wetness clamp onto him, he moans and hushed curses at the feeling of you wanting him. Heâs an attractive man, but, holy fuck, this was a sight you thought youâd never see in a million years.Â
ââKhhhh! Hnmph, ahhhh,â Through the gruff pants, Toji opens his eyes half-lidded, catching you in the moment of staring right at him. You clench onto him; why does this man have to look so fucking sexy!? He smirks, âHow we feelinâ now, baby?â
âHahhh, IâIâmâOhhh!! Fucking shiiiitt,â you cry out when he slams deep into you, making your toes curl, and your words come out in slurs. âItâs too muuchh, Tojiii, ughhh!! TâTooo muuuuchâŚâÂ
âYa gettinâ close?â Oh, yes, you were. You could feel it through the trembles climbing up your fibers. Your brows trench at the high, and Toji was mean enough to sneak a pinch to the clitoris without you noticing. Your legs tighten around his waist, and you shake your head hurriedly. He chuckles, releasing your clit from his rough fingers and putting his forehead to yours. âCâmon, angel, I wonât know what you want if ya donât say it.â
Fuck, heâs such a meanie. You love it so fucking much. You mewl to him, âPleaseee, Tojiii, I want it so bad!â
He lifts a brow. âWant what?âÂ
ââTo cum!! Pleasepleaseee, I wanna cum on you, I want itâAhaahhnn!!â Fuck, itâs coming. Almost there.Â
Thatâs all he needed to hear, the grin on his face broadening at your response. âCum on me, then. Iâm right here to catch ya, princess.â His hand returns to your clitoris, pressing down on the delicate button to the point where all he can hear is your sweet screams of lust. His thrusts now get erratically fast, having you rebound to the hilt of his length, the smacks of skin slapping against each other fill the confined space of the shower. And the climb of your aroused high increases until it comes crashing down; you let out one last howl as the electric shocks course through your body, and your release is freed. Your walls squeeze hard onto Toji as you indulge in your climax; him pistoning his cock to your sensitive labia adds to the chilling sensitivity. Your cunt flutters around his cock while you experience your crescendo, your eyes screwed shut to enhance the experience, not aware of Toji watching you ride out your orgasm on him.Â
The trembles calm down, the shocks subside, and your breathing descends into a steady rhythm. Throwing your head back, you rest your back against the wall while still in Tojiâs hold, using this time to indulge yourself in this moment of clarity.Â
Toji lets out a tiny laugh, bringing his face to your neck to suck on it. âThat felt good, sweet thing?â You sigh out of breath, nodding to his question. âHmmm, good. But ya know Iâm not done, right?â Your blood ran cold, your body rigid still. Wait, huh? âI let you have your fun, so be a good girl, and lemme have mine.âÂ
The involuntary twitch of your slit should give you a clue as to how the news hit you, and you can't tell if it'll be him or the shower that will have you melting like a puddle by the time this is over...
âââ ââ
ââ
â âââ
Haibara walks out to the front desk, where Ino hurriedly stuffs his phone back into his pocket, away from his superiorâs eyes. Fortunately for the younger man, the older one didnât see his device. âHey, Ino, I got a question.â
âYeah, whatâs up?â The associate fidgets with his brown hair under his rolled-up ski mask.
âHave you seen Mr. Fushiguro and Y/n today? Toji told me he couldnât make it for Monday night, but I havenât seen Y/n that day or Wednesday.â The older brunette looks around to find any resembling cues, but his eyes see nothing that sparks familiarity.Â
Ino blinks before answering. âNo. And now that you mention it, I havenât seen or heard from them since last weekâŚâ
Haibara leans on the desk and sighs. âHope Y/nâs doing all right. Usually, theyâd call or shoot a text telling me they couldnât make it for their appointments with Fushiguro. But this is twice where neither of them show up.âÂ
âHmm, canât say I have an idea.â The other shrugs at his superiorâs concerns. âI didnât get a call or text from Y/n either, so maybe Iâll give âem one after my shift. Heh. Letâs hope they didnât replace us with another gym.âÂ
With trenched brows, Haibara took offense to the younger brunetteâs words. âCut that out, man! Iâd be pretty upset if they just suddenly stopped showing up here. Half a year of coming in and out and getting to know each other, only for them to just vanish like thatâŚAt the very least, they could give a call!â He passionately bangs on the front desk, giving Ino a startle.
RING-RING-RING!! RING-RING-RING!!Â
The two froze at the sudden ring of the desk phone as if Haibaraâs fist magically granted them a call. And by the exchanged glances they shared before Ino picked up the phone, they better hope it wasnât the call they were expecting. âHello, this is Golden Gate Gym. My name is Takuma Ino; what can I do for you?âÂ
âHey, is that you, Ino?â
âHey, Y/n!â Ino turns to Haibara, whose eyes share the same perplexity as his. âItâs good to hear from you; whereâve you been? Youâve been MIA for almost a week.â
âYeah, sorry about that. I had a little accident and sprained my ankle; I couldnât come to the gym on Monday and Wednesday.â
âOh, shit, for real?â Haibara watched the younger manâs tone change to concern, which didnât help his nerves either. âSorry to hear about that, but itâs a good call not coming here and taking care of yourself.â
âYeah, thanks. Is Haibara there with you by any chance?â
âUh, yeah. Heâs right next to me, actually.â Ino takes the initiative to give the darker brunette the phone to speak with the one on the other side of the line. Haibara outstretches his arm to take the phone and put the receiving end to his ear. âYo, Y/n!â
âHey, Haihai. I meant to call you Wednesday, but Iâm letting you know that Mr. Fushiguro and I are still doing our weekly appointments.â
Haibara sighs in relief internally, giving Ino a thumbs up. âOh, thank God! You two had me worried there for a second. We didnât see you guys here and thought youâd be a no-show again.â
âYeah, sorry for the scare. Mr. Fushiguro found out about it and decided it would beâŚ.HaahhhâŚ.best for me to do my regimine at my apartment insteadâŚâ
âWell, thatâs nice of him to look out for you with your ankle. Iâm sure heâs doing what he can toââ
âAhaahhnn!!â
A sudden yelp pops into the call out of nowhere and completely takes Haibara aback from the phone as if it was so out of place for the topic that was taking place. Ino notices it when the darker brunette gives him a brief perplexed look, which the younger shrugs at. âUhh, Y/n? You busy right now?â
Oh, you were busy, all right. Youâre at your apartment right now. Your ankle? Absolutely fine, nothing wrong about it in the slightest. The only change, however, is not being at the gym for this entire week and staying home instead. Why?
How about asking your personal trainer who has you propped upside down, standing up with his hands holding you by your ass, stuffing his face to your exposed cunt which he licks and sucks on. The feeling of his tongue digging through your labia has your hips jerking, but his strong arms exhibit unmoving effort in keeping your wetness in his mouth. His pants down to his knees, and his erect length in your hand and brushing your cheek. This is most definitely not the at-home exercise that Haibara is thinking of.
ââŚHello?âŚY/n, you there?â
Oh, shit! âYâYeah, Iâm here! Sorry, my ankle is acting up on meâOhhhhâŚFushiguroâs looking at it for meâŚâ Oh, please, heâs not checking shit; fucker indulging himself between your asscheecks, ravishing your folds like a sweet fruit to his tastebuds.
âOh! So you two are exercising together right now?â Toji nibbles on your vagina and grazes with his teeth, having you gasp and twitch. His tongue surprising your clit prompts a choked whine. âThatâs good to know then! Alright then, see you guys when youâre ready to return to the gym. And tell Toji not to put too much on you, ya hear?â
ââKhhhh, mhmmâŚIâll give him an earful for you. See you later, HaibaraâŚâ
âGreat, see ya. Happy Friday!âÂ
And with that farewell, you can finally toss the phone down and coo to your heartâs content, biting your lips at Toji stuffing his mouth on your bare chasm; his muffled groans vibrate your lower half like crazy. âOhhooo!! Ohhhfuckkk, Iâm gonna cumm,â your words slur with a suck to your clitoris, your hips bucking involuntarily. âLemme cum, Tojiiii, I wannaâAhaaaa!!â
He removes his face from your ass with an exhale as if he was dying for breath. But based on the grin plastered on his face, he wouldnât mind being in this position for a little while. âOh, I donât think so, doll. I donât think ya deserve to cum in my mouth.â
That was the last thing you wanted to hear right now. âAhahnn!! Youâre such an asshole, TojiâŚâ
He chuckles crudely. âThatâs where Iâm gonna play with next if you donât stuff my dick in that pretty mouth of yârs already. Suck me good; then maybe Iâll let the princess cum all over me.â
Broad strokes from his pelvis rub his dick on your cheek, a reminder of your part of this endeavor that you must partake in. The smell of him overwhelms your nostrils into a pornographic trance, your head pounding just from looking at it. You gulp and take the tip into your mouth, sucking and licking the precum off while your hands glide up and down his shaft. âGood girl, good girlâŚâ Toji goes back to smacking his lips on your folds, moving his tongue in whirlpool motions that have you moaning on his cock. God, it feels so good, so fucking good. You can see yourself becoming addicted to this, and thatâs a bit scary seeing this professional relationship drift to something more touchy and personalâŚ
âŚBut then again, thereâs nothing wrong with that, right?
Š đđ¨đŹđĄđ˘đ đŤđđ˛2024 â reblogs + comments are appreciated wholeheartedly â header art by achumuchi + dividers by @/cafekitsune & @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more.
#đŻđđđđ Ëââ§ę°á â ŕťęą â§âË đžđđđđđ: đđđđ#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#toji smut#toji fushiguro smut#toji x you#toji x y/n#fushiguro toji x reader#fushiguro toji x you#toji fanfic#fushiguro toji smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fic#jjk imagines#jjk fic
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đ¨ââ đ´ ââđł ââđŤââ đŞ ââđ¸ââ đ¸ ââđŽ ââđ´ ââđłâ ďź
BSD MEN REACTING TO A CONFESSION.
⡠A/N â yes new divider again because im indecisive as heck
â
FT. â dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa , atsushi , fyodor
!! TAGS â mentions of suicide, insecurities, overall fluff
"i love you."
á´
á´á´˘á´ÉŞ.
promptly replies with, "i love you too."
he'll lean into you with an amused smile because he lowkey thinks you're joking
when he realizes you're serious about it he'll immediately stop the stupid grin
and look at you with this sincere look you've never seen on his face before
he'll hold your hand and everything while repeating "i love you too," for a second time, only this time he's serious about it too
definitely asks for double suicide later
"You know it's my motto to unalive myself with a beautiful woman. How lucky of you to have been bestowed upon this honour."
"Mhm."
"I'll say yes if you join me in a double suicide," he asks with puppy eyes.
"Dazai, you already said yes."
"I'll say it again!"
âá´Ęá´á´Ęá´.
he stops abruptly and half chokes on his expensive ass wine
poor boy is really confused đ because "where did that come from??"
he tries to play it cool but he's literally SCREAMING inside
we all know he's been betrayed a lot of times in the past so he feels hesitant about it
will decide to give it a shot tho
100% calls dazai to brag about it
"You may be taller or whatever (as if that matters in the first place) but were you the one able to steal her heart? Eh? I think not!"
You chuckle hearing him update his rival of his new relationship status.
"And anyway," he raises a glass of wine for toast. "I'd like to thank my good looks, good looks and did I mention my good looks (?) for making tonight the happiest night ever."
Ęá´É´á´á´.
"i know."
he has always observed every single thing about you - how you behave around others vs how you behave around him, the little times you look at him like you want his attention etc etc
he's known about this since like soooo long
he defo also knew when where and how you were gonna confess
went to yosano for tips to react to it and bought you chocolates and stuff. he thinks it'll make you happy :D
eats all of that himself even tho he originally bought it for you but you let it slide because he's a cutie patootie
"You could at least have been a bit subtle about it," he says, munching on his chips. "I mean, anyone who saw you would've been able to guess. I didn't even need my ability for this!"
He lifts his chin up thoughtfully, fingers ripping open another packet of snacks. "You should be grateful I'm not a snitch. Eh, well," he shrugs, "You're now dating the greatest detective in the world! Congratulations!"
á´á´á´á´á´É˘á´á´Ąá´.
"eh???"
like chuuya, he's pretty confused too
"are you sure?"
tries to keep a straight face and hide his fluster
he'll narrow his eyes at you as if he's trying to read your emotions. he doesn't wanna get hurt if he gets too attached to you and you two end up breaking up
also how tf is he supposed to believe that someone like YOU like someone like HIM?
reassure him that he's perfect please :( poor baby deserves the world
"I am a lot of work. I don't think you can keep up with all of that," he says shortly.
"I'll try my best."
"You don't have to."
"But I want to!"
He stares at you for a few moments, looking like he's about to cry.
"Oh, alright then," he waves a hand around. "But don't you ever leave me."
á´á´ęąá´ęąĘÉŞ.
screams
"SAY IT AGAIN PLEASE!"
jumps around everywhere in happiness
you dont even get a verbal answer the man's just dancing around
either that or he just faints
he's, like akutagawa, insecure about himself. but he's much more open to showing his emotions to you.
you end up cuddling the whole night or he calls off work to be with you for the rest of the day <3
"I..." he repeats the same word for the fifth time in a row.
"Yes?"
"Don't mind me, I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that I get to date you."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No, no!" he panics, wringing both hands all over himself hastily. "I love you! Really!"
ę°Ęá´á´
á´Ę.
no reaction. im sorry
spares a small glance at you but otherwise doesn't get distracted from his work
you think he's gone deaf from the way he just ignored you cuz what????
will spend like 15 minutes that way before extending an arm to you and you lowkey DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO??? HELP??
he'll stare at you for a few seconds before pulling you onto his lap and continuing with his work
and that's his way of saying yes
He shuts the computers around him down and taps your outer thigh twice. You immediately stand up and help him up. He stares at you for a few seconds, contemplating something.
"You know, I never thought I'd enable others to call me a lovesick fool."
"Does that mean you are a lovesick fool?"
"A little, maybe," he turns around and walks out of the door while you follow him with a soft smile on your face.
Š chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.
#bsd x reader#bsd x y/n#bsd x you#bsd scenarios#bsd hcs#bsd headcanons#dazai hcs#dazai x y/n#dazai x reader#chuuya imagines#chuuya x reader#fyodor hcs#fyodor x you#fyodor x reader#akutagawa hcs#akutagawa x reader#chuuya headcanons#dazai headcanons#dazai x you#fyodor imagines#atsushi hcs#atsushi nakajima#atsushi x reader#dazai bsd
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In the Middle of the Night (In My Dreams!) ŕź*¡Ë
18+ MDNI !!!
Pairing: Tom Riddle x Fem! Reader / You
Summary: Kinktober 2024 Day 21 - Somnophilia. Riddle has to figure out a way to keep Reader happy and covering for his ever increasing duties outside of the castle. What initially starts as a transaction escalates when they're both more willing than he expected, leading them to explore the slightly more forbidden together.
Tags: Somnophilia (consensual), Mildly dubious consent, Fingering, Hand jobs, Oral sex (f and m receiving), Friends with benefits, Denial of feelings, SoftDom!Riddle, HeadGirl!Reader, Manipulation, Faking an illness (chronic fatigue is very real, he's just a lying POS, only briefly mentioned).
READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!!!
Word count: 5.1k
Read it on ao3! | Masterlist
Authors note: Okay so despite this poll (sorry), I edited this into a less dark kinktober fic and will then release a much darker (non-con elements) part two after I finally finish kinktober!! This works as a stand alone if you're not into reading that kinda stuff (which I totally understand, ily dw)!! It just felt too dark for kinktober... even tho I literally have non-con as the prompt for day 25.... idk okay!! Hope you like it anyway mwah ( ââĄâ)㣠âĄ
PART 2 COMING SOON !! (but works as stand alone)
︜âšď¸śď¸śŕ¨ŕ§ď¸śď¸śâšď¸ś
The moment the two of you had been announced as Head Boy and Girl at the start of the year, Riddle knew he had to get on your good side. Not only for the purposes of professional engagements and living in the same quarters but also because there would be a lot heâd need from you. Last year, he had found a flaw in the enchantments around the castle, discovering that apparition in and out of the castle was in fact possible, so long as you did so from the room of requirements. He has started attending to business outside of the castle regularly, rallying supporters in closed-off magical communities, among trolls and elves. He also searches for artefacts and researches dark magic when he finds the time, visiting isolated collections owned by old eccentrics who he is able to charm easily. Heâs made himself a busy life outside of Hogwarts which heâs determined to keep up in order for his plans post-graduation to go as smoothly as possible. Which is where you come in.Â
He leaves for these expeditions every weekend, but obviously, heâs not actually allowed to leave the castle. He has to ask you to cover for him if anyone asks where heâs gone. He concocts a rubbish story about having chronic fatigue and having to rest all the time he can, and that he canât possibly be disturbed while heâs resting as heâs taking special potions for sleep. Itâs all a lie, playing on your empathy, which he knows you have droves of, something you are widely admired for. He tells you that heâs horribly embarrassed about it and doesnât want anyone to think heâs incapable of being Head Boy because of it, so asks you to cover for him if anyone asks about him. You give him those big sympathetic eyes and agree, workshopping a litany of excuses with him. He almost feels bad with how seriously youâre taking this, how much you want him to feel okay, even though youâve never liked him much before. Almost. It wonât happen a lot either way, heâs told his âfriendsâ that he will be out of reach and very sternly told them not to question, so they wonât poke around, and anyone else who needs him wonât need him often. He makes a show of being very tired in the evenings in the common room the first few weeks you live together. Soon after, he drops the charade and you donât seem to notice the falsification happening right in front of you, continuing to cover for him every now and then when it comes up. You even comment optimistically that he seems more energetic lately, to which he smiles.
âI suppose so, yes, it must be that I can finally get the rest I need, thanks to you,â he says smoothly, proud of himself for taking this as another opportunity to keep you pliable. You seem overjoyed to be helping.
In return, he keeps you sweet. At first, he merely observes you to get an idea of what might keep him on your good side. Then, he starts showing up for you. He brings your favourite pastries from breakfast (you have a bad habit of sleeping in, which sometimes makes him wonder how you got this job, but alas), accompanied by a coffee just how you like it. Complimenting you whenever you try a new hairstyle or dress up nicely on weekends. The first time heâd done it, heâd commented on a trim youâd gotten to your hair over the weekend in Hogsmeade. You were baffled, saying no one had noticed a thing all day. He sensed that you found the fact that he was the only one to notice odd, but he couldnât help being observant. He told you as much, and you just smiled. He makes sure to do any favours you ask of him, so you canât throw his refusal back in his face in case you want to stop helping him, he needs something to hold over your head. Itâs never much, perhaps helping you with a bit of schoolwork, listening to a speech youâve prepared for Head duties or just jostling the logs in the fireplace of the common room when the flames die down. Heâs surprised you donât ask for more, considering that he starts asking for a lot from you.Â
His schedule outside of Hogwarts gets complicated, requiring him to head out occasionally in the middle of the week. You always cover for him, insisting to professors that heâs ill in bed, even though itâs clear by now that youâve realised heâs actually missing during these periods. Your enthusiasm over helping him out has dwindled as you get the sense youâre being played, but he treats you well enough that you seem to assume the best intentions. How naive. Having someone so respected by the professors, the head girl herself, lying for him, he knows, is the only reason heâs been getting away with it for this long. Heâs âsickâ far too often and never seen at the hospital wing, never requesting any medicine or showing any symptoms. He wonders what you think heâs doing when heâs away, doubting you could guess the truth, but you never ask despite your increasingly suspicious looks, which he appreciates. He likes you, youâre discreet, a surprising trait for such a goody-two-shoes as you are. He spends more and more time with you in the common room in his free time, charming you and winning you over, making sure heâs there if you need a favour or a âfriendâ to talk to. He finds you to be intelligent and likeable, youâre funny, even if he prefers a bit of a darker humour than you have. There are silences as you sit together where you stare at him while he works on whatever schoolwork he deems most important that day, he knows youâre formulating all sorts of theories, your brain turning as you try to make a guess.
âI appreciate you being discreet,â he says simply one night as you sit together, working separately on assignments. The statement is followed by a silence in which he is tempted to look over at you to see your reaction but resists the urge.
âI donât suppose youâll ever tell me what youâre up to?â Itâs meant to be a question, but it comes out as a statement. You already know he wonât, and he knows it too. No matter how good youâve proved to be about covering for him, if you knew the true nature of what he was up to, youâd run. Tattle before even letting him explain, which really wouldnât help either way. He turns to you, extending an arm.Â
âCome here,â he nods his head in his direction. You look confused, and he doesnât blame you for feeling that way, he isnât affectionate with anyone. He makes a point of never being seen as being soft, which is easy given he isnât soft for anyone. But he knows the type you are, so sweet and kind, the type that you can be won over with a little affection. Thereâs no one here to see either of you anyway, he can risk it this once. You slowly scoot into his side and he wraps an arm around your shoulders. He brushes an errant strand of hair from your face and holds you to his side. âI really do appreciate it, Iâm always here if you need anything from me,â he whispers. You look up at him and nod. âGood,â he hums. You spend the rest of the night pressed into his side as you do your homework, itâs odd, but heâs warm and solid, and most girls at Hogwarts would kill to be in your position, so you let it be. It becomes a fairly frequent scene, the two of you snuggled up by the fire, especially as the days grow colder and colder. His hands like to wander, brushing places they probably shouldnât, but you never stop him or say a word, letting your own hands wander a little too. You donât talk about it, not with him or with anyone else. You know without words that he doesnât want it to leave the room. Itâs just another secret you have to keep for him.Â
He starts having the need for more frequent meetings with his little group of in-school followers, the Knights of Walpurgis, as his plans get closer and closer to their time of fruition. The Head Common Room is the perfect place to host, spacious and completely secret, except for from you. He knows he has to sweeten the deal once more to have you leave the common room for long periods in the evening. So one night, while the two of you study together snuggled up, he kisses you. Youâre alarmed but immediately kiss back. He knew you would, every girl in the damn school would, but it still feels like an unexpectedly simple triumph. His hand grips your jaw, not allowing you to move away, not that youâre trying to. Your hand gently cups the side of his neck, keeping him close as his tongue carefully breaches your lips, slightly surprised by how willing you are for him. He has a multitude of things heâs considered doing to you, but for tonight, he has to stick with something focused on your pleasure. He doesnât mind, pleasuring you is an act of domination in its own right. By the end of the night, he has you sat between his legs, your back to his chest as his fingers thrust in and out of you. You squirm and mewl in his ear, your head thrown back on his shoulder, as he holds you securely with an arm around your middle, fucking you on his fingers. Heâs high off of the fact he has you completely nude apart from your socks before him, while heâs still fully dressed.
âThere we go, darling,â he purrs in your ear, gently pressing his lips to your jaw. âI bet youâve wanted this for quite a while, havenât you?â he teases, grinding the heel of his palm against you as his fingers press in and out. You must have, given how quickly youâd let him strip you down, manoeuvre you into the position he wanted, just how soaking wet youâd been from a couple of strategic words of praise. Heâd wrongly assumed youâd be a little more prudish, but he was pleasantly surprised otherwise. âI want you to do something for me,â he whispers, slowing his movements a little so you can focus on his words. You whine softly in protest and he smirks. âTomorrow evening, could you make yourself scarce for⌠letâs say three hours? Starting from⌠six thirty?â his fingers caress your inner walls torturously lightly, almost tickling, making you squirm unhappily.
âWhere would I go?â you exhale.
âLibrary? Walk the grounds? Astronomy tower? I donât mind, darling, as long as youâre not here,â he kisses behind your ear softly. He expects some questions or protests, but none come, only a simple nod. Heâs a little surprised how easy things are with you, although it may have a lot to do with how his fingers are currently buried deep in your cunt at present, he concedes to himself. But youâre always easy, always helpful, so willing to give him the benefit of the doubt even though you were more than smart enough to know better. âThatâs a lovely girl,â he smiles against your skin. He hesitates, unsure whether to reveal the transactional nature of his kindness toward you, but he feels he must assure you somehow that it will be worthwhile. âIâll reward you accordingly, I promise. Youâll hurry back to me at nine-thirty, wonât you? Iâll be missing you by then,â he purrs, trying to further pull the wool over your eyes with some flattery. He straightens up to look down at you, your head still resting back on his shoulder. âWonât you?â he prompts again, kissing your forehead. You nod, giving him a pleading look and bucking your hips helplessly. You want him to keep going, feeling half-insane from his unmoving fingers filling you up.
And that he does, finger-fucking you through two mind-blowing orgasms that night, showering you with ever more ridiculous praises as the night goes on. Itâs unclear whether youâre losing your mind to the pleasure and not understanding him, or if heâs just spewing every compliment he can possibly think of. Once youâre thoroughly debauched, he helps you into your bed as your legs are too shaky on their own, laying you down and kissing you goodnight with a slightly stilted tenderness. You watch him in quiet confusion as he retreats from your room, feeling satisfied and yet completely confused.Â
It becomes a bit of a routine, whenever he needs you to stay away from the common room, or otherwise go out of your way for him, he pulls you into his lap in the evening and tugs down your underwear, pleasuring you expertly. Soon, it becomes harder to tell, as he begins to get you off every night, whether heâs after something or not. You donât know if itâs just his efforts to make sure you donât forget to think of him positively, youâre far from oblivious to the fact youâre being bribed, or if heâs just enjoying it at this point. He stretches out your encounters more and more, especially when you start returning the favour, using your hand on him while he does the same to you. Youâre pleasantly surprised how aroused he gets just from fucking you on his fingers, always at least half-hard by the time you can get your hands on him. When he introduces his mouth into the equation, youâre sure heâll be asking something big of you soon. But he doesnât, nothing new comes up, other than you also beginning to use your mouth on him. He seems to love it, so you suppose it must have been motivation enough. He likes to take his time, to make you feel helpless and desperate, not seeming to care if it leads him to spend long periods of time kneeling before you, which was something you were certain he would have never been caught doing for anyone.
Itâs a nice relationship in Riddle's opinion, he gets off and he gets what he wants from you. You make yourself scarce and Riddle is able to conduct his meetings in peace in a perfect setting. Whether youâre using mouths or hands, itâs always intensely pleasurable. He grows attached to the sight of you on your knees before him, his cock deep in your mouth as you look up at him with those wide innocent eyes. Youâre amazing with your mouth, and usually willing to get on your knees whenever heâd like you to. Itâs a perfect arrangement in this way. He loves to hold you down and make you scream using nothing but his tongue. Some of his friends say that eating out a woman is demeaning, but he never feels more powerful than when he has you crying and begging. He loves to make you beg, long-forgotten is the fact heâs meant to be doing this just to keep you sweet, just to manipulate you into helping him. Heâs lost in it now, and no matter how selfish he gets in bed, you keep covering for him, seeming to misinterpret him as generous rather than intensely power-hungry. It works well for his purposes, so he lets you think of him as a giving lover.
Heâs a little surprised that you havenât asked for any exclusivity or any indication of whether heâs bringing in other girls at the times he asks you to keep away. Heâs not, of course, but he doesnât understand why you donât care to ask. He tells himself that it doesnât matter, but deep down it does bother him, every other girl heâd ever been involved with, even briefly, had asked to be his one and only. Youâre a sweet girl, the type he assumed would fall in love with him the moment he first got his hands on (and in) you, but you havenât indicated this in any way. He knows youâre not seeing any other men because he keeps an eye on you whenever he can. Even having gone so far as to cancel a meeting with a tradesman in Diagon Alley to stay back and watch you while you think heâs away. Nothing. You go about your day as normal, come back to the common room and curl up to read your book. Just before bed, you attempt to get yourself off and fail, pouting through your night routine. You canât do it without him, he notes smugly. He wishes he could come help, but he canât without revealing his spying. By the time he gets back legitimately, youâre fast asleep. Given all of this, he still doesnât understand why youâre not asking him for a commitment. Itâs not that he wants to commit to you, he doesnât like the idea of being tied down, even if he currently has no interest or energy to pursue anyone but you, but the fact you havenât asked drives him nuts. You seem happy to get off with him and go to sleep without asking a single question. He lingers in your doorway, watching your frame rise and fall under your blanket with slow breaths, wondering about you.
Heâs surprised when you bring it up. How youâd felt his presence in your doorway while youâd been asleep, despite not being fully awake. He explained that heâd been wanting to help you out (his own evasive phrasing) but that youâd been visibly asleep so heâd left instead. At your expression, he asks you teasingly if youâd have liked him to do it anyway, his teasing smirk only growing when you blush and nod. And so a system was set, he tells you to sleep on the sofa in the common room if youâd like his attention during the night, as he has a habit of waking up in the middle of the night to fetch water. You agree and you proceed together like normal for the next few days, pleasuring each other in the evenings when he isnât busy. Every night, even on nights he wasnât actually waking up naturally, he would come into the common room to check for you. For a long time, youâre not there, and heâs a little frustrated with you. Why dangle such a tantalising idea in front of him if you never meant to go through with it? Heâd been a perfect gentleman, telling you that you could say no if the idea made you uncomfortable, but at the time, youâd seemed apprehensively excited about it, yet now, nothing. His eyes stay glued on your door as he goes about getting his water each night, wishing he could go in there. He tries his best not to show his disappointment when he spends time with you in the daytime, not wanting to come off as pushy and drive you away. He needed you to like him, staying on your good side was non-negotiable and pushing you on a matter like this was generally frowned upon. About a week and a half later, he trudges from his room to top up his glass and sees a lump under a blanket on the sofa. Itâs you.
He immediately slows and lightens his footsteps, not wanting to wake you as it would ruin the fun. He hadnât had time for you the last four days, between increasing stakes when it came to schoolwork and closing in on a magical artefact outside of it, heâd been gone for everything but class and sleep. He creeps over to you, seeing your peaceful face squished against the velvet throw pillow. You must have missed him, he thinks, since you started your little mutual arrangement youâve never gone more than two days without each other before, mostly because Riddle found himself quite insatiable. Heâd always told himself he was uninterested in matters of the flesh, that he enjoyed indulging but could easily control himself, and that he was only doing what he was with you to manufacture a sense of closeness and keep you in the palm of his hand. Yet, he had to admit that he doesnât usually go so far for the purposes of manipulation and that he never would have done this in the first place if he hadnât found you attractive. He was unwilling to sacrifice his own happiness for his manipulation, beyond a bit of necessary flattering drivel. So when heâd allowed himself into this arrangement, even simply under a pretence, he had quickly lost control of it and become ravenous for the sensations you could offer. He watches your parted lips as you breathe softly. Gently, he rolls you onto your back, waiting to see if you wake. You donât. He slips the plush blanket down your body and exposes you to his eyes. Youâre dressed in a sweet feminine nightgown and he finds the look to be sweet on you, fitting. You were a perfect thing to corrupt. Yet, he smirks to himself, you had agreed to this, you were already corrupted, so desperate for him that you wanted him even in your sleep. Surely you did want exclusivity from him, you were just trying to appear laid back to not scare him off. You could be endearingly shy like that at times. Yes, you agreeing to this was surely evidence that you wanted more from him than you had. That you needed him.
He slowly and cautiously shifts you around until he can settle comfortably between your legs. His hands run up and down the soft skin of your thighs, keeping a close eye to see if you stir. He wonders if youâre really such a heavy sleeper, or if youâre merely pretending not to have woken for his benefit. At the moment it doesnât matter to him, you seem asleep enough, and if you are conscious, youâre hardly objecting. He pushes up the hem of your nightdress and grins at the sight of you already bare for him, with no underwear in sight. Naughty girl, he thinks to himself as his hands skim up and down your inner thighs, leaning forward to press a soft kiss just above the little patch of hair shielding the part of you he wants most. He would love to tease you and draw it out more, but he doesnât want you to wake before he can explore the more intimate aspects. He carefully lies down, guiding one of your supple thighs over his shoulder, spreading you open for his eager eyes. Youâre already a little wet, he wonders if itâs from his teasing now, or perhaps your dreamy anticipation. He knows he can get you wetter easily. He uses two fingers to gently spread you open even more, revealing the sensitive pearl nestled within your folds. He blows lightly on it, making you twitch a little. He grins.
Still trying to let you stay asleep for now, he leans in and very gently touches his tongue to your bundle of nerves. You sigh softly in your sleep but donât seem to wake. Your dreams are turning sticky-sweet, you begin to feel warm and floaty, but youâre not conscious enough to register this change properly. You squirm slightly and moan as his tongue gently swirls around your clit, not touching to keep you just bubbling below waking. Your breath is hitching softly, and little noises are leaving your throat. He can tell youâll wake soon unless he stops, but he figures he doesnât mind. He wants to see your face when you wake up to his head between your legs. Will you be shocked to start with? Or immediately eager and accepting? He was oddly thrilled to discover this. Your hands slide away from where they rested on your stomach, trying to grab something as he starts to lap at you just a little faster, your breath hitching a little more, exhaling shakily. Heâs surprised youâre still asleep, heâs tempted to use legilimency on you to discover what youâre dreaming of. Your face is flushed and your lips parted blissfully, so he figures itâs something nice. His tongue slides up and down between your slick folds, the familiar taste of you spreading across his tongue as you become more and more aroused. He gently kneads the skin of your hip, pulling you a little closer to his mouth, trying to coax you awake without startling you too much. Your eyelids flutter, but you remain asleep, whimpering quietly. He focuses the tip of his tongue on your clit, making the stimulation just a little more intense, watching for your reaction intently. Your fingers tangle into the crumpled blanket by your side, curling into the plush material, and he knows you're on the very verge of wakefulness. He smirks, gently suckling your clit into his mouth.Â
This rips a loud moan from your chest, which in turn makes your eyes snap open. You try to sit up, blinking blearily, looking a little bewildered, trying to make out shapes in the dim moonlight, to understand why you feel lost in a haze of pleasure. Riddle's hand moves, splaying out on your stomach, pushing you back down and holding you there. Your eyes snap to him, he grins up at you from between your legs, looking unbelievably smug, his eyes glinting in the light of the moon. The sight of him between your legs, the knowledge of what heâd been doing while youâd been sleeping, coaxes another moan from your lips. He eases up a little now youâre awake, going back to gentle teasing licks against your bundle of nerves. Your heart pounds and you breathe rapidly, partially reeling from the sudden awakening, but mostly just feeling amazing. You lie back against the sofa, trying your best to get your bearings while he continues smothering you with unrelenting bliss. He pulls back for a moment, though he instantly replaces his mouth with his fingers, not giving you a moment to think.Â
âNaughty girl, sleeping without underwear to give me access,â he purrs, his voice rumbling in a self-satisfied manner. You giggle sleepily. You had done that, hadnât you? He smiles up at you. âWas it a nice awakening, my darling?â he murmurs smoothly, leaning back in to continue his dedicated licks. You whimper softly, your hips twitching before he holds you solidly in place, tutting against your sensitive skin.
âThe best awakening, so unbelievably arousing,â you whisper, your voice hoarse, watching him work his magic between your legs. He hums against you. He knows this of course, this was quite possibly the wettest heâd ever had you, only increasing since youâd woken up and become conscious of what he was doing. Your hands slide into his short curls as he works, usually, he might complain about this, but youâre still a little sleepy, and he decides to let it go. You sigh pleasurably, your hooded eyes locked on him. His eyes look up to meet yours as he begins to suckle on your clit once more. Intense pleasure floods over you, your head lolling back, your hands tightening slightly in his hair. You let out a string of desperate moans, moans heâs become intimately familiar with over the past few weeks. Youâre close and he intends to get you there, to show you how much you need him, to remind you that you can no longer achieve this alone, if you ever could. He doubles down on his actions, gripping your hip a little tighter to keep you firmly in place. âOh⌠Tom!â you plead, trying to grind your centre up into his face. You could get so desperate sometimes, Riddle tuts to himself. âPlease,â you beg, anticipating his desire to tease you and hoping to get ahead of it. You need this, badly, he hasnât been around to help you for days, and the scenario was driving you mad with lust. Heâs uncharacteristically gracious, not relenting, continuing to lavish you with exquisite sensation, building you up and up. You look down again, and as his eyes meet yours, the coil in your belly snaps. Your whole body tenses, your back arching off of the sofa, a guttural cry escaping you. He holds your hips in place, continuing his assault as you ride out the climax. Tears gather in your eyes and you feel a little humiliated by how intensely this is affecting you.Â
After several desperate sobs, you finally collapse back, your hands slipping from his hair. You take several deep breaths as he withdraws from between your legs, sitting up to look down at you. He grabs a tissue from the coffee table, wiping his mouth and discarding it haphazardly. You smile tiredly, and you feel exhausted by your sudden wake-up, but completely heavenly at the same time. You stare at each other for a moment. Itâs an oddly domestic moment. Youâve never seen him in his pyjamas before, a matching shirt and trousers, made of silk or some other such soft material, the type thatâs popular with the rich Slytherin boys. His hair is a little curly naturally, this you did know from him getting back to the common room on rainy days, but is now slightly messed up from your hands in it. You cover yourself back up, tugging the hem of your nightdress back down as he watches. He looks almost sweet, he has been sweet to you, in his own way. He reaches over and touches your flushed cheek, rubbing it softly with his thumb, unsure whether heâs trying to prove his effect on you, or just wishing to touch you.Â
âIâll have to think of something to ask of you in exchange for doing that,â he jokes a little unnaturally. You laugh honestly.Â
âYou didnât already have something?â you tease, moving to sit up. He smiles, enjoying the way you see through him, just enough to prove youâre not stupid, but not enough to compromise any plans. Perhaps thatâs why you havenât asked for exclusivity with him, youâre not stupid like the others, whether you want it or not being irrelevant to the facts. The facts that were feeling more like theories lately.
âNo, believe it or not,â he chuckles, pushing your hair behind your shoulder. âBut itâll be easy enough to think of something,â he pulls you onto his lap and kisses you goodnight. âYou always find a way of being useful,â
︜âšď¸śď¸śŕ¨ŕ§ď¸śď¸śâšď¸ś
xoxoxo
#tom riddle#tom riddle smut#tom riddle x reader#tom marvolo riddle#tom riddle x y/n#tom riddle x you#harry potter#harry potter smut#slytherin boys#slytherin boys x reader#slytherin boys x you#tom riddle one shot#x reader#reader insert#fem reader#hogwarts smut#enemies to lovers#smut#kinktober#kinktober 2024#first post#tom riddle era#angst#voldemort#voldemort x reader#tom riddle kinktober#harry potter kinktober#tom riddle x reader smut#fanfic#dark fic
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Synastry obs <3
Hiiiii !!! It's been a while ! Here's another synastry obs, enjoy it :)
Rising in their 8th house : the 8th house might be very aware of everything the rising do in their everyday life and they even might stalk a little... 8th house synastry is also about the spiritual, rising might introduce them to new beliefs (especially if 9th house synastry is present.). This relatioship, platonic or romantic, will be transformative for both of them.
6th house synastry : UNDERRATED. Girl, if you want a bestfriend in a boyfriend, a secreteller, a shoulder to cry on and someone to call and yap about your day... I love this synsatry because the planet person just want to be in the life of the house planet and want to improve everything in it ! Be aware of pressure and toxicity tho, you have your own pace ! Great placement for longterm relationship.
Lilith synastry (inner planet : mars, venus and moon) : briefly = the mystery. Everything about them will be mystery at some point.
Mars asp lilith : attraction of one to another will be a mystery : why ? how ? how much ? Why me ?
Mon asp lilith : Their emotion will seem irrational, childish or just straight up incoherent. Might triggers some past trauma in the lilith person.
Venus asp lilith : the out of reach. For some reason this placement is always about two poeple not being able to be together, or not for a long time. Social class, age, title, work... Even when it seems like you two can be ? Like why ? Something do not feel right.
Moon in the first house : moon person can read every little emotion and thought on the first peron face and mind.
10 th house synastry : I have seen heavy 10 house synastry in two case : meeting at school or work (it's your boss or the pretty senior boy that you are too afraid to talk too.). It's a celebrity : house of social statut, even if you are the house person, you just might have a big crush on people having the sign of your 10th house.
9th house synastry : house of journey... spiritual, physical. Anytime you have this synastry you will experience some sort of trip with the other one. You might move house with them, change country ? Or you might travel in the beliefs of the other, convert to a religion with them ? Enjoy it and take the lessons of these adventures.
Lilith conjunct moon : here, the planet of your emotion encounter the dark side of the moon nd in the same sign. Think about the bad and the good side of one side meeting up. In some case, you two might help each other grow, in some other case it can become too intense. I experienced it one time : a friend of mine (the moon), it started very fast, we spend every free moment together, made the world together late at night and it just stopped for some stupid shit. I think about her often tho, hope she is alright !
South node is worth looking at, trust me. You can have some peeps into your past life with the others.
Do I have to say anything about the 8th house synastry ( especially mars and venus) ? No, we know, i know, you know... uhm anyways.
Moon conjunct moon : bestfriend placement, think the same and at the same pace, just loving placement !
I have always wondered who feel the most... house or inner planet ? Tell me.
That will be all girlies :) Hope you will enjoy it :))
#astrology#synastry#1st house synastry#mars synastry#astro observations#astro community#astroblr#astrology community
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dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
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