#ANYWAY this got very long and rambly bc i'm excited

[arcadian-vampire]

I'm trying a new med for gastroparesis (despite still not being diagnosed with gastroparesis lmao) and??? I think it worked????? I was able to drink a little coffee a while ago, and usually by now I'd be like 'ouch yikes I feel terrible', but I'm. fine. I feel like I didn't even drink anything

I hope it does work and I'll be able to eat things again... It's gonna be really hard to not go wild and eat myself sick, bc I miss food tastes So Fucking Bad dude. I missed out on my mother's biscuits and gravy! Like do u know how hard that is!!!! She makes the BEST biscuits and gravy EVER

[mattodore]

birthday boy 🎂

[palskippah]

Hellowi pretty people I come over to ramble about random Nimona projects and stuff bc I'm excited about them but nothing's finished

I'm writing a short thing for fun with the idea of Ambrosius getting hearing loss because of the explosion that made Nimona and the laser and I'm listening to songs to see if I get inspo for the title (so far the doc is called 'Ambrosius gets hearing damage' but that's not cool JSKSHD), and listening to Mistki I was like omg a fic called Why Not Me. But then I was like omg a fic regarding Nimona and her monster form with the title 'I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down' but then I was like no omg what about a fic about comic goldenheart with the title 'I always want you when I'm finally fine'

I have no idea what qualifies as a good lyrics title but I think they work

And I literally have no ideas besides a phrase and the vibes for it, and still got no title for the temporarily deaf Ambrosius thing but it's so fun to do this sjdkdj (also, I really like the headcanon of him getting permanent but parcial (?) hearing loss on the ear that was closest to the explosion, it makes sense) (also I've experienced some partial hearing loss (?) at some point earlier this year and it's just so not fun to go through that bc people get very mad at you when you need them to repeat themselves more than twice and ask them to be louder pipipi anyways everything keeps happening around him and Ambrosius doesn't catch half of it and he feels a bit too helpless and scared of not hearing again but it works out in the end (more or less))

I see why everyone always picks lyrics as title names they're so coolest also mistki's songs are so good 😔🙏 they make me sad and happy at the same time sjddj

Another thing that has a long way to go and I'm trying to find a title for is an au of the gay dads au with mpreg where Ballister is from the beginning Nimona's dad and Ambrosius is that ex that by chance slowly makes his way back to his life and accidentally becomes Nimona's stepdad (like in Look Who's Talking? I think sjdkdj) also Meredith's there and she's cool and doing her own thing, I'm glad I read the comic bc I changed her relationship with Ballister in the fic and I think it works better with his decisions and motivations and all that stuff

(in my head it's very epic but to you it may seem like anything JSKDH)

Ballister is not really having a good time (lonely, unsure about his decision, scared and stuff, especially when he has to have her) but he has his good moments, promise. Also he hugs Meredith and she pats his back awkwardly like in the comic, at some point

Also as soon as Ballister finds out that Nimona's a girl he gets many very pink clothes pipipi Ambrosius gets him pink stuff for her too bc he sees any cute baby clothes or accessories and he's like hey I bet Ballister would like this for his baby :) and buys it

Nimona doesn't like him much when she's born, and he's like aw c'mon :( I bought you so many gifts pipipi I helped fold your tiny little clothes that one time !! (Ballister points out that he had done a very shitty job at it and Ambrosius shushes him, covering Nimona's ears)

ALSO

I'm drawing stuff for a TikTok post about mpreg but for comic goldenheart and trying to make the comic plot fit into it and it's so silly bc they have nothing to do with one another.

Ambrosius and Ballister don't beat the shit out of each other at the bar but Ballister goes away all angrily while Ambrosius walks behind him going Ballister I'm not done talking to you !!! >:(

And Ballister's like I am !! >:( and then there's another drawing of him leaning against a wall with one hand going damnit because he overworked himself, and Ambrosius going all *touching his hands together nervously* do you need to sit down :(? And Ballister going ...no. fuck off.

Also Nimona telling him to just abort that thing when he first told her (and he hadn't known yet what to do about it), and then when Cyrus' born he's staring angrily at her (he's not, he's just newly born and scrunched) and Nimona's like, holy shit boss, he remembers 😟 and Ballister's like, ?? How's he gonna remember, he doesn't even know you.

Also Ballister getting sad about the discussion at the bar and Nimona cheering him up with the science fair, but him going this won't trick anybody, look at me😔 *gestures to his pregnant self* and Nimona's like, nah boss you just look like you got a beer gut, it'll work. How they manage to run away from the guards/knights and all that when Nimona's stuck in cat form, that's not my business 🧐

Also Cyrus is born sometime before the whole Ballister freaking out about Nimona's powers, so he's somewhere in the kingdom being babysat by a nice older lady or something when Nimona's part is destroying everything. Or maybe he's just peacefully sleeping very far away in the lair and Ballister goes around the whole thing with a baby monitor, whichever option works. (Neither does 😭)

So yeah yippie I wanna post this stuff but nothing's finished pipipi 😔

[bitter-hibiscus]

Hey hi you have piqued my interest and I would love to hear your thoughts on Jason and Roy's interaction in New Titans #20-21 :)

OKAY OKAY OKAY!!! SO THOSE ISSUES ARE SO SO SO IMPORTANT TO ME BC THEY SET THE FOUNDATION OF JASON'S RELATIONSHIP WITH AUTHORITY HERO FIGURES AND. ROY IS PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY POSITIVE ONE

Sorry for rambling about more than just Roy and Jason but I had to set a foundation for my points.

The only three people who actually speak to Jason at any point for more than a single line in those issues are Donna, Hank, and Roy.

Donna, as is plainly stated in the text, is not actually talking to Jason, but to Robin, and she expects him to act exactly like Dick Grayson does.

In the beginning of the story, this isn't particularly an issue, since Jason is very excited to be included and Donna isn't actually putting any kind of pressure on him. HOWEVER, as issue #20 progresses, it becomes really, really serious. Particularly in this scene:

Donna, who up until this point Jason generally worshipped in that way children always do, just showed him she's not only capable of extreme violence against her teammates, but also willing to completely leave the people depending on her behind. (I may not be the biggest Donna lorehead but I'm pretty sure this isn't something she does often. It is, however, what Jason sees her doing, and that's important.)

Jason, kindhearted, boneheaded Jason, immediately calls her out on this. He trusts that Donna is a capable and trustworthy hero and team leader, but the image of a perfect heroine has been broken.

Donna puts almost the... complete opposite kind of pressure on Jason that Bruce does. Bruce has trained Jason to obey, and to try and force him into a leadership role while three of your teammates are literally unconscious is, to say the least, stress-inducing to a little kid.

(oops, the Donna part got long. I have a lot of feelings about them, okay?)

The second person who interacts with Jason in those issues is Hank, who is, you know. Hank.

The first thing he says to Jason is mocking his age, which Jason seems to be pretty self-aware of in a negative way, being the only child in a group of 20-something-year-olds.

Then, he actively stops Jason from joining a fight and doing his part as a Titan:

It's the polar opposite of how Donna treats Jason in this issue. Hank sees Jason as incapable and unfit for being a Titan. It's both demotivating and incredibly insulting, especially when Jason was trying to do the right thing.

So we're 0 for 2 for grown-up superheroes being dicks to Jason.

Enter Roy Harper, stage left.

Roy is the only member of the team to both acknowledge Jason as a teammate and still speak to him like the child he is without being patronizing or mocking, despite his conflicting and complicated emotions on the mission they're going to, because Cheshire. He keeps himself friendly and inviting to Jason, forces himself to joke around, because Jason is a child who shouldn't be responsible for Roy's Whole Ordeal.

He actively humors Jason's worship and wonder of superheroes, but still jokes around with him like Jason is an equal and not a kid he's babysitting.

He offers Jason company and empathy, and encourages him to share his view of the situation, once again treating Jason as a team member worthy of being listened to, but not particularly of being in charge of anything. Jason, for his part, pays attention to what's happening with Roy, and expresses concern over what Roy's feelings on the situation might be.

(long pause to admire how beautiful Jade looks in this story. anyway)

This scene is also really important, I think. Not only for the obvious reasons of Lian Being Revealed, but because even though Roy is reeling from the knowledge that he has a child, he still has space in his thoughts to care about Jason and want him safe. Even though Jason's attempt to lighten the mood was... less than optimal. Lol. I love him so much

Jason is there for what some may argue is the biggest part of Roy's development as a character, and even though he's secondary to everything that's happening, Roy still considers Jason an important part of the situation. He still takes Jason into account, despite desperately wanting answers from Jade.

I have nothing to say about those panels but look at them. my babies. jason is so so worried. his new friend is not ok and he cant help :(

TLDR: Jason's interactions with most adult heroes are.. pretty bad, (Not all. Shoutout to my men Joey Wilson and Garfield Logan,) but Roy is a major exception to that rule. He's compassionate and funny and a hurricane of emotions, and he's the first adult outside of Batman and Nightwing to canonically show Jason a little bit of kindness. While not in any way backed by canon, I do think that Jason's interactions with Roy filled him with determination to be a good hero and earn other people's trust. Those two issues have very small interactions, but I do believe they're some of the most important pieces of original Robin Jason content, largely due to Roy's presence.

[smoshidiot]

vidcon 2024 !

hi guys this is my rambly post abt my experience at vidcon this year if anyone wants to read abt it! overall i wanna say that it was absolutely incredible and i def wanna go back next yearr

DAY 1: check in! literally nothing youtube related happened this day but it was fun as hell to check out the venue and meet up with my friends

DAY 2: smosh meet and greet day. holy shit. in the morning was anthony's ISADW matpat panel and besties when i tell you i was worried he wouldn't be there until I SAW HIM WITH MY TWO EYES. but incredibly he does exist? and he DID show up to vidcon? the panel was such a blast and it was interesting to hear about how the past few months have been for matpat. it was also just cool as hell knowing the rest of smosh was waiting right behind the curtain 🥹 and we could see nicole off to the side enjoying the panel. also shout out to @smoshkidtv who i got to meet before the panel and is legit the greatest i love them sm ok ty

then, almost right after, there's a post on socials that's like "get to the M&G early if you want free essentials merch!" so ofc me and a few friends BOOK it up to the M&G line and are prepared to sit and wait for like 4h lmao. we pass the time by watching smosh the movie and it goes by surprisingly quickly. after being moved into the official queue it's really not that long before smosh shows up and the nerves HIT. luckily we did show up early enough for the merch (smh for 4h we better have lmaoo) and it was so cool to talk to some of the crew (kiana/erica) passing it out. then the whole smosh cast comes out. weirdly the FIRST person i saw was marcus lmao but it was great to see him (and his eyebrows) in person.

i was near the very front of the line so i really didn't even have that much time to prep before i went up with my bestie of all time @smoshmonker! but waaaa ok so we go up and anthony calls out the shirt i'm wearing bc it's a recreation of my fave 2006 catch em all shirt

he asks if i bought it from smosh.com and i go "i made it actually!" and he's like :000 and thinks it's really cool until spencer yells "DUPE" and they all get fake mad at me LMAO. i remember ian going "we're gonna sue your ass" and i'll cherish that forever. anyways then i introduce myself and say that i do art n shit and nearly forget to say my name. but holy shit guys... the second i go "my name is ana", i see ian and anthony LIGHT up 🥺 they immediately recognized me and seemed excited to see me, it was genuinely so surreal. i didn't get to talk to anthony much directly bc he was standing in the back but it looked like he WANTED to say smth to me and even that was wild. and ian was so fuckin sweet and complimentary abt my art. then i ask if we can do a friendship always wins highfive pose. ofc i ask if ian and anthony can reach each other even tho they're not standing right next to each other. bc quite frankly, what's the point of doing this pose if the besties aren't highfiving?

then the second pose was more of a surprise for @yourinterestisnotcringe hehe. we brought out a potato plush for ian to hold and he was too fuckin cute about it. he was absolutely charmed by the idea of the lil potato plush and i love this pose that he went for lmao

then as we're about to leave, ian surprises my by going "thank you for all of the cool art that you make!" and i'm just .. on fucking cloud 9. i go absolutely breathless for a moment when ian hecox, standing right in front of me, thanks me for the stuff that i make. i stutter out smth like "sorry but can i hug you?" and him being the sweetest man ever goes "absolutely!" and goes in for the hug 😭💕 it was the perfect hug and i'll forever have the mental image of his lil gold chain sparkling in the light.

then we go off to the side and @squig-s is there talking to erica and kiana again and ?? they introduce me to alé? who was so freakin cool and lovely and reached out to shake my hand. then to be quite honest we all leave the meet and greet and have a good fuckin cry bc we JUST MET SMOSH

DAY 3: panel day! we get there early as FUCK bc we have a Plan(tm) and need to be in the front row to execute it lmao. like 10 months ago we had the plan for a bunch of us to dress as that damn neighbor at vidcon and damn it, we WENT for it.

also here's ian and anthony (and damien lol) shouting us out at the beginning of the panel

the panel itself was a ton of fun! it was a live reading of reddit stories and one of them was NUTS. it was such a blast to receive a live update tbh. then RIGHT after the reddit panel ended, we had to book it upstairs to get seats for the smosh mouth panel.

I don't remember a ton from this one other than them talking about boobs for most of it. also !! krungle is returning!! i'm so fuckin excited i'd die for krungle i can't wait to have her back. also anthony was sitting on the ground off to the side of the panel and i made awkward eye contact w him a few times lol. i am also honestly bummed that ian wasn't the guest for this one, but spencer and angela were great and they really just goofed off for an hour, it was a fun time.

DAY 4: the last day of vidcon </3 there wasn't a ton on the schedule today regarding smosh, but i DID have a slot for the mari meet and greet so i made sure to go check that out and ?? holy shit ALL of OGSoG was there 🥺 i had actually met them before at a con years ago and it was so wild to see them again, i really didn't think i'd be able to. this meet and greet was SO much more chill than smosh just based on nerves. these 4 were honestly so sweet and the vibes were so fuckin goofy it was lovely ♡ also who's gonna tell joven that this isn't a heart

then we had the mythical kitchen panel! it was a lot of fun even tho i only rly knew trevor and josh oop. trevor was such a sweetheart and stayed after at the end to take some pics and i got one with him on my fuckin 3DS lmao. i love the crunch of this pic, it's one of my faves from the weekend tbh. also i pray to GOD that he wears this hoodie again. he looks so good in pink

but that's pretty much it! idk if anyone is even reading this so hi if u did ♡ it was such a magical week and i'm so so so fuckin grateful for it all

[bbyquokka]

hi, it's been a while huh. how r u all? i hope u've all been taking care of urselves !! i didn't intend to take this long of a break but life has been.. well.. life 😶‍🌫️ (rambles below.)

i've been wanting to come back a few weeks ago but every time i logged back onto the app, my brain n insecurities would eat me up so i'd log back out n tell myself tmrw will be different. ig i've lost the confidence in my writing n have become insecure about my abilities. have this nasty habit of comparing myself to others n thinking that there's no need for me to come back/post bc there's always gonna be someone better than me, aha (insecurities r fun, yknow) bUT enough of the oversharing bc i feel weird n awkward, i have been writing in my spare time n i have finally finished my jisung bday piece which i will post soontm (once i've polished it up) n i've got some other stuff that's completed which i will also post !!

anywhoo–lets talk !! how r u all? how was ur halloween? did u dress up? if so, what?! o: i did a last min halloween make-up n i did choso bc.. well.. i don't think i need to explain why, hihi 🥵🥵 if u don't celebrate halloween, what did u do anyways?! what have yall be doing? hows life for yall?

how's kpop btw? i haven't been keeping track of anything lately (aside from the riize situation) ik skz announced a cb n im excited but im not? idk, i find comebacks veeeery stressful n very overwhelming 😅 hope yall got tickets btw !! 🙂‍↕️ ( cries in eu n poor ) hanji casually revealing that he has another tat on his side which, omg he has another tat BUT also, sad bc NO MORE CROP TOPS 😭💔

oH. let's talk about ARCANE??!!! ✨ cinema ✨ i haven't cried that hard over a show in a veeeeerry long time. sad it's over n they won't be making another season, but im excited to see what other regions of ruintera they'll explore 👀👀

more league stuff, aha; BUT WORLDS FINAL?! ofc t1 won 🤭 i watched it with my bf n just,,, woooow!! gutted i couldn't go see it live bc they held the ceremony in london but it is what it is 🙂‍↕️ the open ceremony was *chefs kiss* ashnikko was my fav. linkin' park.... eeeh. idk. for a worlds song, personally, i don't like it.. (sry)

but yeee, aside from that, life has been a little iffy lately but i'm back (kinda. im nervous af to come back so uuh, be gentle with me. tack! 🥺) to write n post as much as i can (uni started. bye bye free time) but i hope ur all well n i've missed being here n interacting with u ❤️‍🩹

[kkami-writes]

hey guys!! long time no talk......here's a little life update!

so as you remember I got a job at the beginning of novemeber! while kinda stressful and hectic I really enjoyed working with the dogs and was happy even if i didn't have as much time for other things. December took a bit of a rough turn with seasonal depression and just feeling no motivation for really much of anything. For context for years I've never really had amazing birthdays, I've been disappointed, upset or just alone on my birthdays and I've long lost the excitement of my birthday. This year, I took a trip to Orange County/LA to visit family. We had planned on doing an escape room (something I've only done once but enjoyed but with my anxiety the thought of being locked in a room freaks me out). my cousins bf however booked a saw themed room. for those of you who don't know. I hate horror. ok, I digress. sometimes I can watch horror. but i mostly more enjoy horror video games but even then I do NOT play them for the most part. And if I do I usually have to take a break bc my anxiety spikes. In years I have gotten better at dealing with it, but in general horror movies specifically trigger me pretty badly. And prior to this, my anxiety had been out of control, constant anxiety and panic attacks that I didn't think I was even going to make it on my trip. So needless to say I was upset. Because I was looking forward to doing an escape room, I enjoy puzzles and thinking but that being said I would never ever do a horror themed escape room. I felt bad because I couldn't do it and they had already paid and it was about an hour before we had to leave. (thank god I asked what the theme of the room was before we got there). anyway, with all my emotions that I had been piling up in me, I just had a bad breakdown and cried. They all ended up going bc again, didn't want to waste money and I just wanted to be alone at that point anyway. Regardless, I still had a good time on the trip, "minor" bump aside. We went to little tokyo and I got to go to designer con for a bit. ALSO I love my cousins bf, he's a really nice guy. He did not know I don't do horror so it's not his fault. In his defense it was more supposed to be horror comedy / parody but I was already very highly anxious that even that would freak me out.

With my job, the original owners of the daycare had sold it, due to personal circumstances so we were getting a whole new owner. Except that a lot of us did not agree with things they were going to be adding or the way they interacted with the dogs. They have "nap time" which is literally just them crating all the dogs for almost 2 whole hours. Not all the dogs are crate trained and needless to say, did not enjoy it. When we tried it a few times it was just non stop barking for 2 hours. It was heartbreaking and sad. Literally everyone but two people have quit and decided they would not be working with these new people who clearly don't really care about the dogs. It's all about how to make the most money. The new owners don't even HAVE a dog. It's kinda crazy. So that being said...I have also decided to leave as I just don't feel comfortable there anymore. Which is heartbreaking because even though it's been two months, I've really bonded with these dogs and love them and it feels like I've left them to fend for themselves :/ anyway, I don't want to keep rambling on and on. but basically! i'm on the hunt for a new job and still struggling a bit with motivation and my mood, but i'm still hoping to return back to writing in january. I miss you guys a lot and have missed writing. I'm gonna answer all my asks soon. Thanks <3

[justabigassnerd]

Secrets Always Come Back to Haunt You

Pairings - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x daughter!reader, Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw

Word count - 3,341

Warnings - swearing, Jake's shitty parents, protective Jake, brief mention of deployment, mentions of death

Summary - something Jake had been hiding from since he was 18 finally caught up with him only this time he has a daughter to protect too

A/N - it's another installment of the 'Hangman junior' universe y'all! I had this idea flying around for a while now (bc we know I'm a whore for angst) so I had to write it for y'all. I also wrote this bc I love the idea of our beloved Hangman junior being just as protective of her dad as he is of her. Anyways I'll stop rambling now. As per y'all, please send in requests, feedback and enjoy!!

After a long deployment that half of Dagger Squad had been on, your dad included, the team decided to head to the beach to decompress and rehabilitate a couple of days after the mission. You had of course been invited along and you were excited to hang out with those of them who had been away. You, your dad, and Bradley had packed some things to take to the beach in your dad’s truck and made the journey to the beach, despite Bradley’s insistence that you take the Bronco instead.

When you reached the beach, you greeted those who had been on the deployment happily, accepting hugs from Payback, Fanboy, and Coyote as they greeted you too. Once you’ve had a chance to speak to them and see how they’re doing, Phoenix finds the football amongst the stuff you’d brought with you and suggests you play a round of dogfight football. You opted to sit out, knowing that this game was very much something that Dagger Squad owned and they got so into it that you were honestly shocked that no one got seriously injured playing it. You sat on your towel, sliding your sunglasses on and watching the game with a smile as the team slowly got more intense. You also read your book as you soaked in the sun that was shining over the beach.

“y/n! y/n, over here!” You look up to see Fanboy waving you over as you raised an eyebrow.

“What?” You call back, wondering what he was calling you for.

“Come here!” He yells, gesturing for you to come over and you sigh heavily, putting your bookmark in your book and placing it down on the towel before getting to your feet and heading over to the group. When you reach the group, Bob passes the ball to you with an expert toss and you glance between the group, confused.

“We know you’re not big on the whole idea of dogfight football but you’re not too old for a game of catch, are you?” Jake asks, an amused smile on his face as you roll your eyes. You move to stand in a position so you could toss the ball to Coyote, who then passed it to Fanboy, who passed it to Phoenix, who passed it to Jake. Just as Jake was getting ready to pass the ball to Bob, a shout rang out across the beach.

“Jacob Seresin!” Every member of Dagger Squad whipped their heads around in your dad’s direction and when you looked over you saw a look you’d never seen on your dad before. He was tense, like every muscle in his body had been tightened and his eyes grew cold and stern as he glared over in the direction of where the voice had come from.

“Dad what’s-” You start, crossing to your dad as he drops the ball on the ground.

“y/n, you stay right here. I’ve got this handled.” He says sternly, his eyes glimmering with his overwhelming urge to protect you from whoever had just made their presence known. You didn’t even get a chance to protest before he was crossing to Bradley, telling him to keep an eye on you before making his way over to the two people who were standing by the beach wall.

“Who are they?” You ask Bradley as he comes to stand by your side, watching his boyfriend talk to the mystery people.

“No idea, kid.” Bradley was trying to hide it, but he was worried about who these people were. He’d never seen Jake react in such a way to something and the fact he banned you from checking on him only made Bradley even more concerned about what was going on. Bradley turned around for a brief moment to ask if any of Dagger Squad knew what was going on, but he was met with shaking heads and shrugs and when he turned around again, he saw you storming across the beach to come to your dad’s aid.

“Oh shit. Jake is going to kill me.”

When you reach your dad, the two people opposite him are almost yelling at him, their voices are raised and neither party is backing down. When the lady notices you, her expression shifts and she’s smiling softly at you.

“Hey, sweetheart! You’ve come to say hi, have you?” She says enthusiastically, reaching out to grab you in a hug but Jake was quicker. He stuck a protective arm out in front of you and pushed you behind him.

“Jacob don’t be like that. Your mother only wants to say hi to our granddaughter.” The man scolds your dad, and his words make you realise who these people were. Jake had never gone into a lot of detail concerning his parents, all he ever told you was that they never got on and that he left the moment he got the chance.

“You lost the right to consider y/n your granddaughter when you kicked me out and said you wanted nothing to do with me or her.” Jake says lowly, gritting his teeth as he stares down the people who made his childhood awful. The same people he swore to never be like when he held you in his arms for the first time.

“And we regret saying that Jacob.” His mother says with not an ounce of sympathy in her voice. It sounded rehearsed like she’d practiced that line a hundred times before talking to Jake.

“Uh-huh, sure you do.” You scoff from behind your dad, ignoring the gasp let out by Jake’s parents.

“You’re going to let her speak to us in this way?” Jake’s father asks, glaring at you from where you were observing behind your dad.

“She’s just not buying what you’re selling. Besides, you never answered my question about how you found me in the first place. And while you’re at it you can explain why you came all the way here when the last time, we spoke you never wanted to see me again.” Jake says coolly, keeping his gaze trained on his parents as their eyes narrow at Jake allowing you to speak to them like that.

“Well if you really need to know. Our friend Sarah and her husband Jeff, remember them? Well, they happened to be in the area, and they mentioned that they saw you. It took them several minutes to recognise you, and when they said that they saw your daughter too. And we just wanted to come and see if we could convince you to come home.” Jake’s father says, making Jake scoff as everything clicks into place in his head.

“You don’t give a shit about us. You only want us to come back because of the ranch.” Jake concludes, folding his arms across his chest as he chuckles lowly to himself. He knew his parents too well to think they’d come out of the goodness of their hearts, not that he thought they had any goodness in their hearts. You, meanwhile, raised an eyebrow behind your dad’s back, confused about what the three were talking about.

“Jacob that’s no way to talk about the family business. This ranch has been in the Seresin family for generations you can’t just throw it away because you want to play soldier.” His father spits, his eyes narrowing as he glares at his son standing strongly in front of him.

“You are not dragging my daughter into this.” Jake says protectively, pushing you further behind him so his entire body was in between you and his parents.

“You don’t get a say in this do you?” Jake’s father sneers, getting the courage to take a step forward, making Jake push you back slightly while holding his position, refusing to move an inch.

“You think you can raise this girl and drag her into the Navy and take her away from her family?” Jake’s mother then comments, making you grit your teeth at the way they assume your father is raising you.

“My dad isn’t making me do anything. He’s raised me with nothing but love and support. I know that when I choose what I want to do in the future I will be supported one hundred percent of the way. You don’t get to talk to my dad like that just because you are sad excuses of human beings who think the most important thing is a fucking family business.” You say, moving out from behind your dad, bravely staring up at your supposed grandparents. They may be related to you by blood, but they were the furthest thing from family to you.

“You little brat. I should’ve expected nothing less from a child raised by you Jacob. You’re letting the Seresin family name down.” His mother now hisses, venom in her tone as she stepped closer, only stopping when Bradley smoothly stepped in between Jake and his mother. You looked at him, shocked. You hadn’t even noticed him come over.

“I think the two of you should leave.” Bradley says calmly, acting as a barrier between Jake’s parents and you and Jake.

“Who’s this? You’ve got yourself your own personal bodyguard Jacob? Rather pathetic if you ask me, why don’t you deal with this like a man?” Jake’s father taunts, attempting to sidestep Bradley but is quickly cut off by him once more.

“I wouldn’t try that if I were you. You see Jake has something you don’t right now. He’s got an entire team of his friends just over there waiting for the moment they can jump in. And trust me, they won’t go easy on you just because you’re old.” Bradley smirks, gesturing loosely over his shoulder and Jake’s parents follow his gesture to see the entirety of Dagger Squad watching the interaction from afar. Seeing the team made the two take a step away from Bradley as he cocked an eyebrow in amusement.

“Well, I think you should consider it Jacob. Think of your daughter. She needs a stable life, not one where her father is always halfway across the world with nothing to leave behind for her. Taking over the ranch would mean she’d have something to take over once she was old enough. Besides, surely the country air would do her some good?” Jake’s mother asks in a last-ditch effort to get Jake to take over the family business and you saw the way his mother’s words cut through him like a knife and that was your final straw.

“Hey lady, I don’t give a shit if you’re my dad’s birth giver. No one and I repeat no one talks to my dad like that. Just because my dad gets deployed it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me. He always makes it home and makes sure I have a good, stable, and comfortable life. I doubt you’d even know what a life like that was because the way you treat my dad is foul and if this is the way you’ve been treating him since he was born? You should consider yourself lucky I was nowhere near existing. You talk a big game with this ranch, assuming my dad gives a crap when you literally kicked him out for having me. You wanted nothing to do with us until I was old enough to be considered to take over the ranch. You care so little about your family, and I can’t imagine what a lonely existence that is. We have our family, and they’re here. That group of aviators have been more of a family to us than you ever have. Now would you please fuck off and leave us alone. Oh, and I think you’ll find the coastal air is much better than people give it credit for.” You say, moving to stand alongside your dad, even moving closer to stand alongside Bradley so you could really get in their faces as you spoke. You were appalled at the way they were treating your family. Bradley carefully put an arm in front of you to stop you from getting any closer to prevent you from getting hurt. Jake came to stand on Bradley’s other side and all three of you were soon staring down the pair in front of you. Jake’s father opens and closes his mouth a few times, looking like a fish out of water while his mother looks flustered and angered at the response they received. When neither party moves to do anything you cock an eyebrow and glance between the two groups.

“Are we just going to have a staring contest or are you two going to finally leave us alone?” You ask as you cross your arms, a cocky smirk appearing on your face as Jake’s parent's mutter obscenities under their breath, getting ready to turn tail and retreat before Jake steps forward, mere inches separating him and his father.

“If you ever come near me or my daughter again, stitches won’t ever fix what I will do to you.” Jake spits, his eyes blazing with protectiveness and anger as he glares at the people who failed to raise him. With Jake’s final warning hanging in the air, the two finally retreat and the moment they get in a car and drive off, Jake moves away from you and Bradley and sits down on the beach wall as you and Bradley watch him worriedly.

“I’ll check on him. You can let the others know we’re all good.” You say to Bradley who nods slightly.

“Okay, I’ll come back over in a minute.” Bradley says with a small smile, patting your shoulder before he heads back over to Dagger Squad who were still watching from afar. As Bradley, makes his way back over to the team, you cross to your dad.

“Hey dad.” You say, a small smile on your face as you sit down on the wall beside him.

“I told you to stay with Bradley. Why didn’t you do that?” Jake says, looking over at you, trying to hide his annoyance that you didn’t listen to what he asked you to do.

“The way you reacted when you heard their voices scared me. I’ve never seen you look like that before. I wanted to help.” You say, noticing Jake drop his head slightly and look away from you.

“I didn’t want you or Bradley coming over because I didn’t want you seeing the kind of people my parents are. And I didn’t want them trying to drag you into the whole family business, it’s not worth it.” Your dad admits, a hint of shame rising in his tone as he speaks. Your face falls as you notice him rapidly blinking to rid himself of any tears.

“Dad, I don’t give a crap about who your parents are. They don’t define who you are. They are shit parents. But you’re not. You chose to love and care for me when you were on the brink of joining the Navy. You did everything you could to make sure I had a good life. Don’t let their words get to you. They’re sad old loners who know that they have no one to mourn them when they’re gone because we sure as shit won’t.” You say comfortingly, resting a hand on his shoulder and moving to sit closer to your dad as he offers you a slight smile.

“What have I been saying about language, huh?” He teases quietly before wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into a hug which you reciprocate instantly. Your dad wasn’t the best with his words, so he portrayed how he felt with his actions instead. The way he held you tightly as if you’d disappear if he loosened his grip and the feather-light kisses you felt him press against the top of your head told you everything you needed to know. He was beyond grateful for your words and hugging you and pressing repeated kisses to the top of your head was the best way he could express it.

“Everything okay over here?” You lift your head from where it was buried in your dad’s shoulder to smile over at Bradley who was approaching with a gentle smile as he sat down on Jake’s other side.

“We’re okay. I’m sorry you had to see that. I was thinking they’d never come here. Guess you can’t outrun secrets, they always come back to haunt you.” Jake mumbles, looking over at Bradley who reaches over and interlocks his hands with one of Jake's.

“Hey, I’m not dating you for your parents. I don’t give a shit about them. I do, however, care about you.” Bradley says softly, squeezing Jake’s hand as Jake slowly releases you from his grasp so he can turn to face Bradley and move closer to him.

“You’re not alone either. You’ve got us by your side.” Bradley assures, pressing a delicate kiss to the back of his hand as Jake rolls his eyes jokingly.

“You big softie.” He laughs lightly yet still smiling lovingly at Bradley as they untangled their hands.

“Yet you love me for it.” Bradley grins as Jake finds himself nodding.

“That I do, yes.” Jake says, agreeing as the two slowly move closer before connecting their lips in a precious kiss. Jake’s hand making its way up to play with the hair on the nape of Bradley’s neck while Bradley’s hands cupped Jake’s face, bringing him impossibly closer. When the two finally parted for air, you awkwardly cleared your throat.

“Dad, as much as I love that you love Bradley. Can we do less making out in front of your daughter and more having fun at the beach? I’ll even play a game of dogfight football as long as you all promise not to murder me.” You say, dodging Jake’s hand reaching out to mess with your hair and when the two share a look you recognise all too well you leap to your feet and run over to the rest of Dagger Squad.

“Fanboy, hide me!” You exclaim as you hide behind him, hearing the playful shouts of your dad and Bradley ringing out across the beach.

“y/n, I love you but no.” Fanboy says, sidestepping out of the way as Jake runs over, chucking you over his shoulder as both he and Bradley wade out into the sea. Jake then readjusts the way he’s holding you. He holds you bridal style in his arms and tells Bradley to hold your wrists while he holds your ankles. Sensing what they’re doing you begin to plead for them to not do it but they ignore you, swinging you lightly before tossing you into the waves. When you emerge, soaked through, the two men are bent double, laughing their asses off at you. You roll your eyes at the two men and then decide to jump on your dad’s back, hugging him tightly.

“Karma is a bitch, isn’t it?” You joke as you splash Bradley with your free hand.

“Language!” Both men laugh as you groan at their scolding. Dagger Squad, tired of watching from the sidelines all decide to join the three of you in the ocean and soon the whole team was swimming around, splashing each other and even tossing the football amongst each other as you share a grin with your dad.

Despite Jake not wanting you to get involved in the drama surrounding him and his parents, he couldn’t help but be incredibly proud of how you dealt with the situation. You stood up for both yourself and him and he found himself more and more grateful you were in his life by the second. He watched as you passed the ball to Payback while Phoenix splashed water at you to try and throw you off but your aim was perfect as usual.

“You good, Jake?” Bradley asks as he wades up to Jake, following his gaze to you as Jake nods with a smile.

“I am good, Bradley. I’m very good.”

taglist (comment or message to be added):

@zbeez-outlet @kaceywithak

[rollercoasterwords]

genuinely thank you so much for writing thtf. it's my favourite thing to read in the whole world for so many reasons. like other than where it's obviously devastating (in SUCH a good way), idk it just makes me so happy

I think it's the first wip i followed from start to finish and I have to say that part of 2022 was not the greatest but yk, every few days there'd be a new chapter. and it was great.

I fucking love Dorcas talking about "a butterfly in the palm of your hand" it's changed the way I think so much. like you would not expect this from a fanfic lmao but it's pretty much exactly what I needed to hear at the time. living just to live, even if it's complete shit, not caring about what they're leaving behind. ch 42 (i think) where all they're doing is just washing the dishes but it's so special and they're listening to dawn storm is so important to me I love it SO much. fucking amazing.

ngl I don't really think there's anything I don't like. every character feels so right - regulus in particular sticks out to me, like there's such a good balance between him doing pretty bad things because he's not a particularly "good person" but also not being a complete dick. also I would die for marlene mckinnon and the way you write her is just so fucking good. the way she is just so alive to make up for her shorter life is so beautiful to me. I could ramble on for a very long time about everything in this fic but I dont want this to get too long lol

the music you put on the chapters is also really good like I'm pretty sure the first time I read it I didn't listen the music and then I reread it with the music and it was like a whole different experience

yeah i would've sent this earlier (like maybe a year ago) but looks like I put it off for a really long time lol

also - really love where atwmd is going rn I'm so excited for more chapters, i love Sirius Black etc etc

ahh thank u this is so sweet! i love hearing that thtf resonated w people it definitely feels like the fic kinda took on its own life & became a little philosophical journey that i was not entirely expecting lol. i think writing a story where i knew my main characters were going 2 die the whole time really made me contemplate like. ok what do i actually want 2 say abt death, and by way of that what do i wanna say abt life? bc like. as someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife i didn't wanna write a story that says "well it's ok bc they can be happy in the afterlife" <3 bc like. that does not comfort me lol. & i also didn't wanna write a story that was like "it's ok bc there's gonna be a good future 4 others after them," bc i think life means something and matters even outside of futurity. i didn't wanna play into this narrative that u have 2 Do Something 2 make ur life meaningful by making sure u have an impact on the future, etc; i wanted 2 write abt life as meaningful outside of that. & i also specifically wanted 2 write abt life as something beautiful & meaningful even with the bad stuff mixed in, and even if death is abrupt and scary and painful and unwanted. like i purposely made both their deaths pretty brutal bc i personally find the idea of a "bad death" really scary! the idea of dying before ur ready, dying scared or alone or in pain or all three, etc...and i think part of why that's so scary is bc we place this big emphasis, again, on a linear timeline of life, where death is The End, and if The End is bad, then the story's a sad one. but death is just one moment in the sum total of billions of moments throughout your life; why should that bad cancel out all the good? why should a story be sad, just because the last page of it is sad? you can open the book to any page and find happiness, and love, and warmth, etc. & that's what i'm trying 2 say w "a story is not its end."

anyway. this got much longer than expected lol i love 2 ramble abt thtf but! again ty 4 the kind words glad u enjoyed the fic glad u enjoyed the music as well!! i love the playlist 4 that fic <3

[zonerz]

your alvi character is soooo cute and cool looking i love him…

OMG 🥺 TYSMMM He’s my pride and joy and I love him so so much!!! I have sm I still wanna do with him and I'm so so excited for KHML to get him back into the action! 🫶 Unfortunately that also means he will, on some level, being Going Thru It but that's a small price to pay for more content of my boy <3 <3 <3

I hope u dont mind me taking this moment to ramble abt his general deal and vibe bc I feel like my thoughts are all scattered throughout my art with him 😭🙏 Will add a cut and reading past is ofc optional but TYSM for the interest in general! His design is so fun to doodle and he’s got a whole Dreamhouse Closet of fits 👍

But!! Basically in UX my boy joined Vulpes and got his keyblade on his bday, Dec. 25th when he turned 13-14 or so :] he started out on his own and was pretty quiet but very compassionate which paid off in the long run and got him some good friends (both in the form of Ephemer and co. and then with my friends' keykids Vivian and Vial--highly rec checking out their art too btw !!! @thequibblingking13 and @thatalien404 I love Vial and Vivi so so much as well 🥺)

As he pulled in these new friendships (and in the case of Vivi and Vial, practically family/siblingship) Alvi ends up having that compassion fuel him to become more skilled with his keyblade, learn more about how to best guilt and use medals, the best ways to Raid, etc. in order to be able to both protect/keep the people he loves safe as well as to be a teacher. He loved exploring new worlds and helping people in general and I think would end up being the kinda general Big Brother FigureTM who other kids could run to with questions--especially as he got into his later teens.

He ends up learning quite fast and scaling up pretty exponentially compared to some of his peers and, in general, ends up fairly competitive with the weekly rankings and PVP (friendly still, but ready to give it his all) and with that, he ends up taking that protector role more seriously as he becomes more competent. By the time the War really comes around when he's like 15-16, he ends up sticking around to fight in the hopes of shouldering as much weight as he can in the place of others, as well as wanting to shield Vivi and Vial as best as he can.

Though things definitely do get murkier as he gets stronger. I think that he'd always been a bit more open/neutral to darkness as a concept. He knows it can corrupt but would use it in small increments, however those would become larger and be used more often as time passed in trade for more strength--more capability. It would culminate at it's most out of control/chaotic when fighting with the Foretellers (shoutout to Ira who reflected every light attack BTW. like okay bro. u asked for this ig 😐) where he'd really just let loose and give it all, though it'd leave him weak and also pretty freaked out. Plus the whole almost dying thing definitely adds to that 😭 so he'd rein things in dramatically after waking up from the war.

As for the amnesia about the war, things shift a little bit here and I think he'd sorta wake up to reality pretty quick, especially with the nightmares. He loves Chirithy but his was never the best at lying, and despite whatever bumps in the road he and Ephemer had, he doesn't anticipate that he'd ever lie straight to his face. So when he confronts Skuld and Ephemer about it all? Well, they hesitate enough to tell him something's up at the very least--as he suspected. He's sympathetic to his friends' new position as defacto leaders though and, being a pretty natural leader-type himself, knows how precarious of a situation it is regarding information on the war. It's horribly distressing for him to remember everything to say the least, and he figures himself pretty capable of handling it, so the thought of having so many of the other kids remember en masse and just start hurting despite it being over just leaves him feeling sick. He doesn't like lying either though, and it feels wrong to hide such a huge event--which the others sympathize with bc damn they're dealing with that conflict too 😭 But, ultimately, Alvi agrees to remain quiet about the whole ordeal--even to Vivi and Vial whom he shared everything with. Which creates. Problems. 😬

In the weird mundane time they spend in the digital daybreak before things start glitching and life is just continuing "as usual" Alvi ends up inadvertently pulling back from Vivi and Vial (as they can tell something is Up) and gets closer to all of the Union Leaders! I really think he'd get along well and have unique but fun friendships with each and every one of them :> There's already that like Besties Bond with Ephemer and Skuld, but I think he'd really love Ven, Brain, and Lauriam, too. He and Lauriam would be the tallest two of the bunch and I think would lowkey prod each other about it in a mini competition as they both continued growing, he would ADORE Ven and love carrying him on his shoulders and such, and I think would just be chill and funny with Brain. Put them in a room together and the sarcasm level doubles 🤝

When Vivi and Vial finally figure things out abt the War tho, and that Alvi was actively lying to them, ehm... 😬 Things begin going downhill FAST from there. He doesn't really have any good explanation for himself as he just wanted to protect them at his core, but it was still not the best way to probably deal with it. That said though, what's WORSE is how he responds to the question of whether he'd do it again and uh. Well. 🤡🤡🤡

So suffice to say, Vivi and Vial feel pretty damn betrayed and generally angry at him but Alvi has hope they can patch things up and get it all sorted out. But with each attempt to be more transparent about things, Alvi keeps having to clam up because a lot of the stuff he's been doing have been with the Union Leaders and needs to remain kinda lowkey, so he ends up being unable to really tell that much which just comes across as condescending at best for Vivi and Vial. And then the glitches start showing up 🧍‍♂️

Alvi, in the midst of trying to both apologize and explain once more to them both, gets pulled away to go help Ephemer investigate what's going on at the Clocktower. He leaves his little siblings with the promise that, the very moment he comes home, he will tell them everything and share everything about all the worlds he's seen since--just like how things used to be. They have his word! And it's still shaky ground but a potential light at the end of the tunnel! But, well, then he and Ephemer end up in Game Central Station and things get very out of hand very fast. The end of the game unravels faster than they can keep up and the last "interaction" Alvi has with his siblings is Vivi crumbling in her own fight across town as the feeling of Alvi getting that hit to the heart from Ephemer echoes through to her oTL

The end of UX makes me SO. AUGH. I feel like I've already talked a lot but there's just So Much in my head for my poor little guy and MAN. His end would follow the canon ending of the game pretty closely. He'd stick around with Ephemer and Skuld and help see the other Leaders off in the Ark with the intention to go grab Vial and Vivi and get them inside to safety before things go wrong again. One little thing I wanna draw or poke at somehow tho is that like, I think he'd give little mementos/gifts to the others before they send them off in the ARK. To Brain and Lauriam, he'd give them each one of his earrings, Elrena would get his neon bracelets, and Ven would get a moogle chain he always kept on his dufflebag :>

As for the final fight. MANNNN. I think that Alvi would be able to put on a pretty convincing act and, somewhat bitterly, kinda goes down the line of like "Well, I really am a liar lately, so what's one more?" and he'd go all-in to ensure Ephemer was pushed to his limit. WHICH SUCKS AND HURTS MY HEART TO THINK ABOUTTT. But he'd pull it off, and he'd get that shot to the heart, and I think in that fight it's poetic if he was fighting more in a stance like YX than usual. Smth smth foreshadowing also legacy etc. 🫶🫶🫶 He'd go out proud and happy, even if it was immensely bitter knowing the last memories his friends all shared with him.

Suffice to say I have SOOOO many thoughts abt him and I am SO excited for Missing Link to do a round 2 bc I have a rough idea of what I wanna do for his arc/character-wise on his second time around and I am also so hyped to get Brain back 🥺🥺🥺 I think their friendship is going to be so so crucial to Alvi in ML and I cannot WAIT to get into it!!! And OFC THE WHOLE RAISING OF XEHANORT??? MANNNNN. He would love Xehanort with everything he had. It's so bittersweet that he would've passed before Xeha started learning how to do a whole lot with the keyblade and got all manipulated by destiny bc like. Alvi would not be perfect, but he would've loved to train him himself. Which like also ik I'm #Coping and whatever but I'm just gonna say that Alvi, after passing in KHDR, is just chilling in Quadratum bc I'm sorry but he's far too stubborn to die and just leave his son behind so soon 🫶 I only have memes with them so far but I truly believe that Alvi and Xeha have a Like Father Like Son dyanmic thang going on. A long line of guys with something wrong with them 🫶💖

ANYWAYS IVE ALREADY TALKED SO MUCH AND COULD GO ON, APOLOGIES, BUT I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY LITTLE GUY AND ALL THE PREQUEL KEYKIDS SM ‼‼‼💖💖💖

[teddybeartoji]

omg no wait bc you and higu would be so cute i actually wanna hear all about it. i think he would benefit from a little silly and you certainly could fulfill that role!!! im actually obsessed..... pls share any thoughts you have 🤲

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODD!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEHEHEE HII PERCE MY LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE SUCH AN ANGELLL AAAAHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INDULGING ME ON THISSS HEHEHEHEHHE:33333

SOOO ME AND HIGUUUU😭😭😭 this is a bit silly bc it's not like a real Real selfship yet okay... i don't actually know him all that well so i don't feel like i can yk officially make it into one but you just wait........ it'll become real soon enough..............

OKOKOK SO WE ALL HAVE TO SAY A BIG THANK U TO MY FRIEND ARI @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat BC THEY KIND OF PUSHED ME INTO THAT😭😭😭 i think we were just talking about who of the new character i'd love and then they said that higu would definitely be one of the faves and well.. i am not disagreeing at all he seems so fucking funny and just an absolute sweetheart!!!!!!!!!!!!!! soooo my friend brought up the idea of me being like an intern at his law firm and............................ i folded immediately what can i say. (btw this got so long. uhm. prepare yourself?)

so imagine mickey the errand boy and higu the lawyer man:33 it all starts out super fucking slow btw (every single one of my ships is a slowburn what the fuck anyway). i am very excited to be there,, i think this sort of a job is very perfect for me aaand i think he'd find my enthusiasm very.. interesting lmao in a good way!!!! bc yk who the fuck is excited abt printing out papers and shit??!!! mee:3333

he always tells me that i can go home (cough that i can go home on time.. cough) but i refuse!!!!!!! how am i gonna leave him here all alone smhhh so i always help him finish everything he needs to get done (or at least everything i can help with yk?) aand then we go to this burger place that's just like around the corner to finally eat something and aaah idk it just feels very good with him. like very casual. the first like ten to twenty minutes are usually spent in silence just bc we're both tired and just wanna gulp down our food,, but when we're done with those.. we're talking abt the silliest stuff!!!!!!!!!! he tells me abt his cats. i know he has them ok. canon. in my head. he has two. their names are corkscrew and matilda. (????????????????)( don't ask) he tells me abt how they seems to like to tussle a lot and it makes him a bit nervous bc what if they don't get along but then they're cuddling a minute later and wheww it's all good. i love listening to him ramble btw. it's not like he does that all too often, but when he's tired he kind of spitballs a bit more and i think it's very endearing:333

and then he ofc apologizes for said ramble while tugging on his tie to loosen it up a little. he's so hot. anyway. and then he almost BEGSSS for me to talk to him too. about anything. it's very hard to feel insecure about talking too much with him bc he literally keeps telling me that he loves listening to me....................... perce what if i die

i'm making this other thing ari talked abt canon too bc oh my god their brain is huge. sooo one day. higu is late to work. and he's never late??????? had me thinking that he literally fucking dies or smth yk??? like he wouldn't answer his phone and it was just pouring outside omfg i was so fucking worried. pacing around the office, just calling him again and again and again. and then the door opens and there he is!!!!!!!!!!! COMPLETELY DRENCHEDDDDD like from head to toe, holding his coat weirdly of over his head and body idk he looked so silly (and cute). he apologized to some of the other workers before meeting my gaze and hurrying over and before i could even ask anything,, he opens his coat aND CAT!!!!!!!!!! HE HAD A FUCKING KITTEN???????? IN HIS HANDS?????????????????????????????????? HELLO???????????????????????????????? SIR????????????????????????

and then he literally just handed me the little critter asking whether i could look after it while he's working?????????????????? i was just so baffled bc wHAT. but i obviously took that task very seriously. i tried to clean up the kitty and made him like a make-shift bed from my own hoodie. and then after he got himself a cup of coffee (btw he spent almost no time on drying himself oh my god he's a bit of a loser isn't he...)(he has my heart<3) aaaaaand when he finally sat down behind his desk and looked through the glass wall...

and he just saw me holding the bundled up little kitty to my face while i just stare at it. HE WAS JUST SO CUTE OK I NEEDED TO JUST LOOK AT IT FOR SOME TIME I LOVE CATS OK!!!!!!!!!! that made him smile though. bc he loves cats too:333 btw we just send each other cat pics too. like very randomly. he's just a room away and he's sending them to me instead of just.. idk coming over to my table to show them to me in person??? he's a workaholic ok. ahgsahgshasga i love himmmm

OKOK ANYWAY THIS IS LIKE SO MUCH INFO I'M SORRY FOR THE WORDVOMIT LMAO but i really really do like him and this little thing i have going on with him... we're still in a weird little zone between coworkers and friends and ????????????? but we're both okay with that we're not pushing anything we just do whatever feels comfortable<333333333

BUT WAHHH THANK YOU AGAIN FOR INDULGING ME ON THIS PERCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SMOOCHING YOU SO VERY HARD RN HEHEHEHHEEE!!!!!!! I HOPE UR HAVING THE BEST DAY EVER MY LOVE!!!!!!!

[piracytheorist]

hiiii. this is kinda random but just wanted to say I'm starting to understand you going anime only for SxF. I watched S1 blind, then bcs I craved more I read the manga. Now bcs I know what happens, watching S2 has less exciting effect for me (?) Don't get me wrong I'm still so excited and the animation/voice is stunning, but it would be nice to experience the story for the first time again. anyway it's impressive you got to stay committed to anime only! sorry for rambling in your inbox ;-;

Hi, and no worries, I appreciate the message! Ramble in my inbox whenever :D

And yeah, the feeling you describe is exactly what I fear I'll feel if I go manga first anime second. It even happened with the bullet in butt date episode, since I'd read the chapter already, it impacted my enjoyment of it a bit. I ended up comparing it a lot to the manga and this interfered with my immersion. Funny thing is, any time I read a chapter that I'd already watched in anime, this didn't happen. I was able to enjoy anime and manga both, without interference.

That said, the one other chapter I'd already read before it was adapted was the one where Nightfall visits the Forgers for the first time. While once again I ended up comparing the anime to the manga a lot, after a couple months that feeling went away and now I can enjoy rewatching the episode without making any comparisons. So I'm hoping that after a while I'll be able to enjoy the bullet in butt date episode on its own merit, and maybe it will feel the same for you!

I think it's a testament to the quality and heart of the story, that we want to experience it for the first time all over again. If you're caught up with the manga it'll probably take a few years for the anime to catch up, but if you want to also go anime-only I will probably be here for... well, a long time 😂 one of the worst parts about being anime only is that I have next to no-one to talk about it, and I can't search for posts here or anywhere else because most fans read the manga and avoiding spoilers is impossible, even when you tell people you're avoiding manga spoilers. I'm pretty sure a few of my followers here secretly want to nudge me to catch up with the manga 🤣 So yeah, one of the things that kept me an anime only was the hope that I may provide some company to a fellow anime only 🤣

And look, I totally get you. I'm honestly surprised myself I made it all the way here and only indulged myself once, and only for a couple pages from a certain chapter after I saw some spoilers. When season one ended last December I actually expected I'd break and read through at least a couple arcs into the manga. So the temptation certainly isn't small!

I would say, find the way that makes you enjoy it more and take that. I enjoy the story told through anime more, but not when I get a ton of spoilers here and there, so I have to accept that I will have very limited interactions with fellow fans for years on end, as I don't see the story ending soon, and the anime will need one to two years (if not more) to catch up once the manga ends. So that's something to consider. On the other hand, keeping a distance from chapters you've already read may help you enjoy the respective episodes more. Like, the more time passes from a manga chapter you've read, the more immersed you may be by the adapted anime episode. Idk if you wanted advice, but I thought I could share some thoughts XD In any case, feel free to share with me whenever! I love talking about everything sxf <3

[ladysomething]

Hiiiii!

First of all, all hail our queen, this chapter blew my mind, and writing with injured wrist is impressive as hell! (Take all time you need, perfection takes time and patience is a virtue, some should remember that)

Now I also totally get if you won’t answer this ask because of the second part, so I will praise your work some more: when you eventually finish, the quality of writing and the plot and everything will definitely make this THEE fic to be turned into a real life book, it’s better than most of contemporary literature out there right now!

What I wanted to ask (besides the praise bc fr this is right now THAT fic) how do you feel about the comments, as there are currently three types of comments (if I may analyse a bit - max is sad hence I am sad commenters, praising the work and third type: did you even?-ers) and reading them I got a feeling that some of them are taking this whole fic a bit too seriously? I get it, freedom of expression, but why do some feel the need to basically attack (DiD yOu EvEn ReAd ThE pReViOuS- obviously we all did 😬) other users for expressing their opinion on the work? Do you have any thoughts on that? Obviously high engagement is good for the fic but as someone who likes to read the comments as well, it wasn’t as pleasant as it usually is today.

Again, as I said, no pressure to answer (because it might create a discourse in your asks)🩷

Loved every chapter, excited for some more lore, whenever it might come to light.

imagine me turning a 300k omega verse fic into my debut novel. what a power move from me.

and to answer your questions ... ok, bear with me here, because I already know I'm about to ramble.

but I guess. I don't really know how I feel about it. on the one hand, it's very flattering for people to feel that strongly. on the other, I don't like that readers can make other readers uncomfortable.

but then, I'm not entirely sure what place I'm supposed to have in that discourse. it's not really for me to decide what insights readers do or don't have, or how they engage with other people. I would always step in if things got genuinely nasty (especially if its in the comment section of the fic), which I have done in the past, but an author's responsibility is kind of a grey area in fic.

I of course wish that people could always speak kindly to each other, but I also think it's easy for tone to be misinterpreted in comments. I also don't see the comments linearly - when I get emails saying there's been a comment, the email doesn't tell me its in response to another comment. I have to go and seek that information out, which I often don't do.

all of which is to say - I don't usually know what kinds of conversations are happening underneath chapters, particularly when there are as many comments as there was on this chapter.

as for why I think it's happening ... honestly, I just think that this chapter stirred up a lot of emotion for a lot of people. most readers have either been on team Max or team Charles for a long time now, and from what I've observed, their immediate reaction is always to take the side of THEIR character. I think they often do also come back and go "hm, maybe the other person had some points too" but in the moment, the immediate, knee jerk reaction is to defend their character, and to "hate" on the other one. that's always going to spark discourse, because nobody can really agree on who's right and who's wrong in this fic (which is by design, of course).

anyway, I hope that kind of provided a little bit on insight.

[ghoulsbian]

i've been having a very hard time staying asleep at night lately. i've rather consistently been only getting two to four hours of rest a night. i go to sleep around 1:30-2:30am most nights lately and usually end up waking up around like 4:00-6am.

this is really bizarre for me. i have a pretty wack sleep schedule (i can go to bed from anywhere between 1am and 7am, sometimes at the end of either side of the spectrum, back to back). so, usually i sleep in until 12pm to 2pm. i take a few medications with sedative effects at night and they're supposed to help me get to sleep within a decent time after taking them. they don't always work too well because i'm supposed to take them with food but i frequently don't do that cuz i'm not very hungry at that point. (though, they do make the symptoms they're meant to treat a lot more manageable! so that's something.)

i fell asleep on the phone with my crush last night, haha. she was just sorta talking and singing and it was relaxing to me. it's almost her birthday! me and my family made plans to take her out the day after. i'm very excited! though very nervous. it's been a little bit since we've seen each other in person. i really hope she'll like my gifts i got for her. i got her a lava lamp (she's been saying bc how she wants one for so long now!!), a plushie of a character from a game she really likes, and an old authentic mint condition nirvana concert ticket (her fav band!!).

i've been venting to her about my sleep issues lately, and she's very worried. i'm not as worried i guess, i'm mostly just annoyed. lack of sleep really messes with my brain. it is a very big trigger for my psychosis to start acting up. i haven't really been hallucinating but have been a bit delusional and paranoid. ultimately, i am coping on the account of my medication, but it's still sort of hard to deal with. dissociation has also been a struggle this last week or so.

i just hope i can get consistently good sleep soon!!! i don't really know what's going on to make it so difficult for me lately. perhaps it's how dry my room gets? my room is really small and there's also a radiator in here so it can get pretty hot and dry. to combat this, i typically leave my window open. i've started putting a window fan in there too to get more airflow. i also have a box fan going at the end of my bed lol.

i don't really know what to do to make myself sleep better :( i tried taking a nap after only sleeping three hours the other night and i couldn't manage to fall asleep for hours. it also made me super super shaky afterwards which was kind of concerning to me lol. i kind of wonder if it was because i ate some quite stale cereal (cocoa pebbles) previous to this. though i am not sure if such a thing would cause an affect like that.

anyways i'm gonna try and get back to sleep in a minute or two here. thanks for listening to my ramble! i just wanted a place to get out my thoughts and maybe some updates on my life. i have a desire to create content for this account but am really lacking in energy and motivation due to what i've explained here. hope everyone understands!

much love to all! ♥️💫

[bonesandthebees]

Spruce not reading honey and tangerines made me remember i got like halfway through before losing all my ao3 tabs and never finishing it 😭 i’ll have to go back and find where i was soon

Also one of my only thoughts after burning gold was literally just “wow tallulah covering her eyes for moat of the fic? She really is just like her father”

Also also WF WF WF MY BELOVED clinic and stars will always have a special place in my heart but sbi’s fight after wilbur said he knew why tommy left at the syndicate meeting will always have a special place in my heart, i re-read it sometimes just for fun

Every once in a while i’ll also remember i was here when the last few chapters of clinic weren’t out yet and then i’ll feel old

I vividly remember checking if clinic had updated, it had, and it was the chapter where puffy came and visited tommy and brought him cinnamon rolls and revealed she was a former-hero

And then i remember being here for all of wf, and reading stars when it only had one chapter and then forgetting about it until it was finished 😭

I can picture so clearly in my head checking wf one day at dinner, i had only read the first chapter a while back and hadn’t kept up, there was now five chapters and i was so excited. I was eating tacos. I kept up with wf updates after that

Sorry for the ramble, everyone’s recent asks have reminded me of a lot of things lmao, still debating if i should re-read stars and i’m so very close to giving in

- 🪐

NOOOO I ACCIDENTALLY INCLUDED THE COVERING EYES BIT AGAIN THIS TIME WITH TALLULAH I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE why do I keep doing this

the fact that you reread that painful fight in wf for fun certainly says something /j (it was such a fun scene to write I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much)

damn you've been around for that long?? you're really an og saturn anon. I remember when I wrote that clinic chapter with puffy and tommy talking after he'd been kidnapped and that conversation ended up being so much longer than I meant it to be. I was so frustrated bc it meant I had to put off the crimeboys reconciliation convo by another chapter and I wanted to write that one so bad, but the puffy tommy convo was so good and flowed so well so I couldn't be too upset

looking back on when wf was updating feels a bit like a fever dream for me bc 1) I wrote most of it during the winter quarter of my senior year of college. we'd gone back to in person for fall quarter after a full year of online bc covid, but then winter had a surge of covid cases again so almost all my classes went BACK online but I had one optional in person class once a week. so I had a lot of free time to write and would spend entire days in a campus coffee shop writing wf 2) sirentwt happened while I was writing wf. that was certainly a Time

anyway i love that you remember you were eating tacos when you noticed wf had 5 chapters up now. I remember I kept trying new drinks at the coffee shop every day when I went there to write but none of it was very good but it was a student run place that had really nice vibes so I became a regular anyway

[pathologising]

out of curiosity, and you dont need to answer if you dont want to. for you, what does it mean to recover from bdsm? what aspects did you have to step away from, and what does the recovery look like? im asking because ive got a friend whos concerningly into cnc seemingly out of nowhere with a history of abuse, and while i understand the self-destructive need to it I am also worried about lasting repercussions in the long run

anyway, the mean anons can get bent. It's stupid to argue to INTENTIONALLY do the retraumatizing thing, with intention, as in, knowingly, as in, on perpose, as in, that is self harm you don't advocate cutters continue cutting because logically you know thats damaging but when its sex related suddenly its dont kink shame me

I was thinking abt how to answer this bc it is a ewally good question. For context I was in an extreme bdsm relationship prior to my current bf and also after that relationship I was in this kinda downward spiral of hooking up with people and participating in extreme bdsm with them as either sex work or casual sex. I was also dealing with my drug addiction at the time and to me sex was always violent or was always transactional due to my history of abuse.

For a good while I was in denial that anything was wrong and that what I was doing was fine and not retraumatising. When in reality the things I put myself through to feel some sort of affection was really only further warping my views on sex and relationships. Like I genuinely believed that sex was supposed to be violent because if I consented then it was fine and not detrimental to myself.

I think what really helped me realise that participating in extreme bdsm stuff was really unhealthy for me was a) my therapist and b) my current partner. I'm very lucky to have met my current partner because he refuses to do anything that might hurt me or warp how I view myself. Being with him has shown me how sex doesn't need to be violent or degrading and my therapist has helped me work through why I felt the need for sex to be destructive and violent.

Through them, I had to have moments where I was very introspective: "Why do I want this to happen to me? Why do I feel the need to be degraded and hurt during sex?" These are a few questions I had to ask myself among many others that helped me step away from the extreme bdsm lifestyle.

Also realizing that sex can be fun and exciting without being violent or retraumatising. Learning to find satisfaction in "mundane" sex with my partner has been a process but i honestly feel that it has helped how I see myself and changed my self worth.

It's a really hard thing to step away from especially if you are so used to sex being violent or whatnot. It really does take a lot of self introspection to see how re traumatizing that shit can be and how easy it is to live in self denial doesn't help.

I hope this makes sense to u lol I feel like im rambling but basically my therapist and my partner have helped me in stopping self destructive sex stuff. Also learning and remembering sex doesn't have to be violent to be fun. Also treating sex as a completely natural and neutral act of bonding has really helped. It's just a long process but it's definitely one that has helped me feel a lot better about myself and my body and sex in general.