#ANYWAY she's coming in like February-ish

[lea-andres-dolls]

Was anyone gonna tell me Tokyo Disney had the cutest Haunted Mansion doll or was I just supposed to just find that out stumbling around on eBay super late at night?

[stsgluver]

𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐓.𝟒 — gojo satoru

synopsis. nobara can’t find the dvd anywhere and gojo has a decision to make

wc. 4k

tags. fluff, angst (kinda), reader is described as fem, possibly ooc gojo (my bad), cliffhanger-ish, any spelling mistakes blame on my cats, possible plotholes

a/n. several things to address: firstly my description of dvds and how they work ARE SO FLAWED IK DON'T JUDGE. secondly, look I get how rct works so not everything I say is accurate but like this is also about 2d men so who's to judge. finally I'm not too sure about this chapter so if its shit lmk BUT I HOPE YOU ALL LOVE IT THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT <333 ily all but I do have upcoming exams so the ending(s), won't be posted till possibly early February as I have to get back to studying :(

previous part / final part / series masterlist

“guys we’ve lost it.” nobara pushed up her mattress, phone pressed between her ear and her shoulder as she peered beneath the wooden slats. all there was was her suitcase and a bag from an expensive shop she’d convinced gojo to buy for her. “it’s gone. poof. here once and now it’s not.” the ‘it’ in question being the dvd they’d treasured for the last few weeks (well, yuuji and nobara anyways).

after gojo had taken the dvd – unbeknownst to the first years – nobara had ended up sleeping for the next fourty eight hours, and then afterwards spending several days catching up on the classwork she’d missed. she hadn’t had the time or energy to force her classmates into another movie night so now here they were, almost a week since it was last touched, finally realising its disappearance.

“do you want me and megumi to come help?” yuuji asked tentatively as he heard her curse as she dropped the mattress back down. nobara sighed, glancing around at the chaos she’d created. her room was a mess – drawers half open and half her clothes and books on the floor in case the dvd had slipped into a pile by accident. 

“it’s not in my room,” she said adamantly, pushing her hair back from her face in frustration as she struggled to piece together the final moments she had with the dvd. she could remember sending megumi away, beginning her little day of research and even some of the videos she watched (the arcade and the christmas reunion), but then she fell asleep and everything was hazy from there.

“when was the last time you had it?” megumi asked and nobara felt her eye twitch like she hadn't retraced her steps a million times already.

“the first day i was off sick. i was watching a few–”

“without us?” the pink haired sorcerer cut in with a gasp.

“what else was there to do?” nobara argued back with no bite but he quietened down nonetheless. 

a moment of silence settled between the three as each tried to figure out where it could have been misplaced or who could’ve accidentally picked it up. if nobara had dropped it somewhere outside of her dorm, could one of the older years taken it?

nobara was brought out of deep thought by yuuji flippantly asking: “did you watch any after sensei came to see you?” she froze at the implication of his words. at no point could she recall their teacher ever coming in to check on her – it had always been either yuuji, megumi or maki. 

“what?” 

several hours later, the three first years found themselves huddled on the benches, nobara in the middle and the boys either side of her. in front of them were the second years and gojo – the latter having said something to annoy maki as yuuta held her back from making a swing at their laughing teacher. the second year teacher was off ill today so the larger class meant that the three had a distraction as they tried to figure out what their next step was – if they even had one at this point.

the assumed facts were as such: the first years were no longer in possession of the dvd, and gojo had it. though there was little doubt that this was true, it didn’t stop them questioning the possibility – after all, megumi had pointed out, there’d been no alter in his behaviour whatsoever since the minute he’d checked on nobara. surely, even the strongest would be noticeably affected by a disk that immortalised a happiness and innocence he’d never be able to return to.

but then again, maybe this was just another thing that separated gojo from the rest of society. being the strongest came before all else, he didn’t have the time to mourn resurfaced memories.

“maybe he just doesn’t have it,” yuuji suggested.

“he has to,” nobara reaffirmed. at this point they’d exhausted all other options about where it could possibly be and surely they would have heard if one of the older years found what they had. “would he tell you if he had it?” she asked megumi.

“no,” megumi said quickly, shaking his head and leaning back on the bench as he looked over at gojo, “we… he wouldn’t talk to me about that. about them.”

“could we steal it back?” yuuji offered and nobara debated duct taping his mouth closed.

megumi scoffed, shaking his head, “he has six eyes. even if we tried, he’d know for sure it was us.”

“he already knows it was us,” nobara countered, not that she agreed with yuuji’s solution by any means. “which is why i don’t get why he hasn’t said anyth–”

“oi, you three!” the first years jumped apart from their circle, hearts pounding as gojo appeared before them with a smirk toying at the corner of his lips and his hands clasped behind his back. “whoever beats maki in hand to hand combat gets the day off tomorrow!”

“yuuji if you win, i’m taking your day off,” nobara called out as she trailed behind the aforementioned boy running to the centre of the field. 

“okay!”

unsurprisingly, all three first years lost against the second year. megumi came closest to winning but when he tried to use his cursed technique, gojo countered it, catching him off guard and giving maki the opportunity to sweep him off his feet with her staff.

gojo found himself still laughing over megumi’s shocked expression as he fell flat on his back as he stepped past the threshold of his office. even after all he’d taught the boy in combat, with no cursed technique it was hard to overcome the zenin girl’s strength and skill she’d mastered to take on her own clan.

he let out a small sigh as the door locked shut and, for the first time that day, he was alone with his own thoughts.

dropping down into his office chair, gojo crossed one leg over the other as he pulled open a drawer. on the top of a pile of unread paperwork for the higher ups was the dvd the first years were so fixated on. 

he wasn’t stupid; he knew eventually they would figure out he had it and, unlike himself, they’d been way less subtle once they’d put two and two together. yuuji’s speech had tripled in speed, nobara was way too keen on being anywhere but where he was and megumi… gojo couldn’t forget the guilt and hurt in the teenage boy’s eyes after telling him you were gone. it was here again, had been for several weeks, and it was only after stumbling upon the disk in nobara’s room that he’d understood why.

gojo gritted his teeth together as he held the disk up between shaky fingers. it was pathetic, he scolded himself, it was just a bit of plastic with memories lasered into divots in a never ending spiral. it wasn’t worth the heartache.

if he looked closely enough, he could see shoko’s name written on the centrepiece in faded black sharpie. after gojo had stumbled upon the old camera several years after graduating from jujutsu high, shoko had taken back the camera to transfer all of the old clips onto dvds and given him, herself, nanami and you your own copies. he couldn’t even remember where his and yours were anymore, in fact he’d pretty much forgotten about their existence until a week ago.

he wasn’t sure where shoko had lost the dvd for the first years to get their hands on it but he hadn’t worked up the courage to speak to her about it. he hadn’t worked up the courage to do anything more than just spin the disk between his fingers, cry about it for a bit, and go back to pretending he didn’t have the last remnants of his youth in his drawer.

gojo glanced between the disk and the laptop on his desk. it was the last step he needed to take to hear your voice again. it had been on repeat for the last week in his mind; you uttering his name and that innocent question, would you last beyond your teenage years?

he missed it, missed you so bad.

raising megumi was a lot harder without you there; you were his favourite after all, bridging the gap between the two when they bumped heads with their contrasting personalities. gojo was all rainbows and giggles and megumi was everything but. you were a happy medium, creating a balance that maintained order in the home you shared. it was a peace that megumi deserved after losing his parents.

gojo clicked his tongue, reaching across to press a button that opened up a space for the disk. slotting it in place, he clicked the device shut and held his breath as he waited. it took several seconds for the files to load and then there he was again, back in those fields under the large weeping willow that was your spot.

the video was paused, exactly where it had been left, except this time gojo could actually see the screen.

your face wasn’t in it, just his. his glasses were off – balanced on your head if he remembered correctly – as he used your lap as a pillow. one of your hands was holding the camera while the other was held over his eyes to block any sort of light. the only thing he could make out was your cursed energy.

you were nearing the end of your first year and whilst gojo was growing more powerful, he was also growing more and more reliant on his glasses to stop himself from becoming so overwhelmed with the constant information he received with his six eyes. he’d overworked himself that day, as he so often did, hence why you’d dragged him away from the school to the seclusion of the tree. 

your questions about the longevity of your relationship weren’t meant to hold deep meaning, you just wanted to take his mind off of the headaches. gojo would choose thinking about you over the searing pain in the back of his head any day. yaga said that once he had a better understanding of his reversed curse technique it wouldn’t be so bad but until then it was just about riding it out.

gojo snorted at the notion. his reversed curse technique only marginally helped. you were what got him through the days when he’d lock himself in his bedroom with blackout blinds pulled down, hiding under his covers till he felt like he could function in society again.

he didn’t unpause the video, however, instead clicking onto the main tab with all of the files stored. 

lifting up his blindfold and dropping it down onto the desk, gojo took a deep breath before he began scrolling. unlike when the first years were simply searching for the ones with their favourite thumbnail, gojo was specifically searching for the ones he knew focused on you.

he needed to hear your voice again, to play it on repeat until it became so ingrained into his skin he could feel your touch.

gojo halted the cursor over the familiar date of your birthday, clicking on it without a second thought as the video filled the screen. it buffered for a moment, giving him a view of the dorm he’d practically spent three years in (despite yaga’s constant complaints and reminders that dorms were segregated on gender).

in the corner of your room was a stack of plushies that he’d won for you at arcades, and your walls were covered in photobooth photos and polaroids of your group of friends. his personal favourite was the polaroid you had pinned just above your desk. it was the two of you on new years eve sharing your first kiss of the year, sparklers in hand and the faint pink of a firework in the background. on the bottom of the polaroid was haibara’s handwriting as he’d scribbled on the date and a small smiley face.

“happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!” seventeen year old gojo sung in the video, swaying the camera side to side above a pile of duvet and pillows. you were somewhere in the middle, half asleep and trying to push yourself deeper into the comfort of your bed and further from whatever the screeching was in your room.

you’d never been a morning person whereas he, on the other hand, had a reserve of energy that never depleted. it was what made getting up at the crack of dawn on your birthday so much more entertaining for him. even as an adult, when the two of you lived together in the comfort of your own apartment, he would either force you to stay up until midnight or gently nudge you awake at 4am to tell you he loved you.

“satoru,” you whispered groggily when you gave up trying to ignore his awful singing, lifting your head up just enough to meet his eyes. he would have done anything to see you physically before him instead of watching you through the lens of a camera. to be looked at with love as you did and not a mix of fear and respect. “if yaga catches you–”

“i’m just singing happy birthday to my girl,” his younger self dismissed, plopping down onto the bed next to you. he preferred your bed over his, a softer mattress he used to argue when shoko would complain about him showing up at your shared dorm several nights in a row. that particular birthday, he was pretty sure she’d been sent on a training mission over in kyoto. gojo’s hand came into frame as he ran a gentle hand through your hair, giving it a little pat when you quietly hummed at the contact. “he can’t hate on me for that.”

“yes he can,” you retorted, rolling your eyes with a tired smile. gojo felt his chest tighten – two years without waking up by that very same smile after almost a decade of having it everyday.

“i’ll blame shoko,” gojo shrugged with a grin, kicking his legs up onto your bed, despite your small protest that he was taking up all of your space. like you weren’t just as clingy as he was.

you huffed out a quiet laugh, your elbow digging into your pillow as you rested your head in your hand to stare incredulously at your boyfriend. “shoko forced the strongest sorcerer of the modern day to enter the girls’ dorms? uh huh.”

“woah woah, i’m the strongest of all time baby, i don’t do second best,” he corrected, leaning down to give you a peck on the forehead. you scrunched your nose up at the contact, but even through the viewpoint of the camera, he can see how your eyes dropped down to his lips.

“i know you don’t,” you smiled and gojo dropped the camera down as he moved to give you your first real kiss of seventeen. present day gojo sucked in a breath, willing for himself to get through at least one several minute video of you until he started crying.

the kiss ended all too quickly as gojo shoved the camera back into your face, the flash causing you to squint and squeeze your eyes closed. “now smile and say cheese, you’re seventeen!”

“woo!” you cheered half heartedly, giving in to his infectious excitement. blowing the camera a tired kiss, you shuffled yourself back deep beneath your duvet. “now can i go back to sleep?”

“as long as i can stay.”

“fine,” you dragged out, though you both knew you wanted him to just as much. yaga be damned. the video ended several seconds later and an odd silence filled his office. 

he’d only ever watched several of these videos once or twice – back when he still had you to curl up into his side and reminisce with him and laugh at nanami’s old haircut. if he was being honest, he didn’t even remember he’d recorded that (though he was glad he did).

gojo was more confident this time when he scrolled, his hands no longer shaking as much as they had been as he smiled at the life he once had. a life with you and geto.

this time he stopped at a thumbnail with the three of you; gojo holding up the camera high as the three of you posed like it was a photo. it was at one of only a handful clan events you had attended together, with both you and geto as gojo’s plus ones. he and geto were in matching suits and you were in a floor length dress that he’d spent way too much money on (but you looked so pretty when you tried it on he couldn’t not get it for you).

“hi this is mtv,” you clapped your hands together, “and welcome to my crib.” his younger self waved his hands around in the background (geto was recording), showing off the spiralling architecture that cost more money than fathomable. 

gojo quietly laughed in his office. the politics of clans and these events were the last reason he’d ever chosen to attend them. seeing you all dressed up and running around buildings with a million rooms were right at the top. his favourite had to be when both the first years, shoko and utahime had also been in attendance, but after haibara’s death, hanging around with the clans that upheld the institution that killed their friend seemed distasteful.

“this is my in house art museum collection.” you led geto along one of the vast corridors, pointing into a room with dozens of framed canvases of art from all across the globe. “this is where i come in for inspiration and to truly just feel art you know?”

“i wasn’t aware you had skills beyond stickmen,” geto interjected and you raised both your middle fingers at him.

“art is subjective, di–”

“woah, i have standards to uphold here,” gojo cupped a hand over your mouth, stopping any expletive leaving you. you hummed in annoyance and the white haired sorcerer grinned, nodding his head over to a partially opened door. “we don’t need to argue when we have a whole cinema room to ourselves.” gojo remembered the stain of red lipstick you’d left on his hand when he let you go (you’d refused to kiss him all evening because of your makeup).

the cinema room was massive: rows and rows of sleek leather seats that looked out of place when compared to the aesthetic of the building. this was someone’s home, though it looked like anything but.

“this is my cinema room,” geto held onto the back of one of the chairs as he loosened his tie. he lowered his voice as he leant closer to the camera gojo was now holding. “we used to have two but daddy converted the smaller one into a sauna so now we only have this one,” he said with an upturned nose, and you could be heard giggling in the background at his faux disgust.

you nor geto were from the same wealthy background as gojo was and loved to poke fun at his high status background.

“oi!” an official that was supposed to be watching for any curses or curse users that tried to sneak into the event pointed a light into the cinema room. “you kids shouldn’t be back here!”

gojo laughed, throwing the camera to geto as he grabbed your hand and led you quickly down the stairs to another exit at the bottom of the stairs. geto turned off the recording once he’d grabbed a hold of the device in favour of focusing on not being caught. it wasn’t like there would be any real consequence – they were with gojo satoru after all.

the white hair sorcerer smiled as he thought back to the rest of the night. obviously, you’d all managed to get away – though he had suffered your wrath at the fact your legs weren’t as long as their’s were and you were running in heels. two strikes, but he’d made it up to you by taking you out for ice cream instead of going back to hear the speeches.

it wasn’t an exaggeration to say gojo would have done anything for you then. 

gojo swallowed a lump in his throat as your last interaction came to mind. you were arguing, as you had been in the weeks up until megumi’s birthday as he inched closer and closer to being old enough to enrol in jujutsu high.

the only wish he’d ever refused to fulfil: keeping megumi away from jujutsu.

“he’s our responsibility.” you were yelling at him, desperate for him to understand your point of view and he was walking away. dodging your anger by going wherever his legs took him – anywhere but where you were. “we need to protect him. we can’t protect him if he becomes a sorcerer too.” 

“i can,” he insisted, halting in his place to turn and look down at you. his cursed technique was activated, though there was no need for it to be, and all it did was frustrate you further.

“i nearly died today!” you countered, pointing to your neck with a faint scar. shoko’s reversed cursed technique was almost perfect, but not even that could fully erase the deep lacerations that had almost taken your life. “where were you? you can’t be everywhere and help everyone at the same time. it’s just not possible.”

“i can try.” his jaw was tight as he responded through gritted teeth.

“and if that’s not enough?” you didn’t need to see his eyes to know his were locked directly onto yours, daring you to continue. he wouldn’t hurt you, would never dream of it, angry or not, but how could you of all people doubt him? “what then gojo satoru?” you uttered his full name like it was an insult, “you may be the strongest but he’s not. i’m not. we’re mortals compared to you.”

“you’re my family,” his voice broke.

“yu and suguru were family once too.”

gojo clenched his fists at the memory, at the reminder he walked out after that. you were trying to get him to see your concerns, and he’d taken that as you blaming him for the outcome of your close friends. that was the last time he ever saw you; tears welling up in the corner of your eyes at his insensitivity, at his inability to admit that maybe, just maybe, he too was just a mortal. 

everything you said was logical and made sense – he had almost lost you that day, having not initially received the message that you had needed backup as he was preoccupied with his own mission. by the time he had arrived, the curse had its claws dug deep into your skin and it had taken everything in him not to use hollow purple and bring the entire infrastructure down in seconds.

despite all he’d done to save you that day, he’d still lost you. he’d only delayed the seemingly inevitable by mere hours.

megumi sat up in bed at the sound of two knocks on the door. he highly doubted it would be yuuji since the pink haired sorcerer had only left several minutes prior, saying something about needing to meet panda. 

to his surprise, gojo stood before him, hands in the pockets of his pants as he half smiled at the younger boy. 

“is itadori here?” megumi hesitated before shaking his head. “good,” gojo held up the missing dvd, “we need to talk.”

taglist. @thefictionalcharacterssimp @hana-patata @mor-pheus @leathairs @sh0ek0 @maliakealoha @levisteeacup @g-kleran @stevenknightmarc @n1kimura @darliingyu @saturn-alone @splxtscreen @leah-rose03 @rinshoe @laurenzitaa @patricia142lilian @sabo-has-my-heart @wooasecret @dahliawarner @kysrion @dreamerdeity @mwah-chia @geromiegerald @arminsarlerts @maliakealoha @cherrypieyourface @k4romis @monsieurgucchi @bofadeezs @777userz @polarbvnny @chonkercatto @tenshis-cake @haitanibros0007 @ba-ks @liaurokodaki @urfavvirg0 @lofasofabread @r0ckst4rjk @vee-ai @aiikuraa @melileli0001 @rinshoe @vinivave @yell0wdreams @sukunasleftkneecap @malikazz243 @sad-darksoul @giannitaa @maliciousmace @name-insert @splxtscreen @kimvmarvel @ieathairs @janbannan @ja-zz @vangoes @starringz @ciscob1tes @theoriginaluzisimp @thirtykiwis @vivienne2000 @whydohumansss @purpleguk @simeon-lovergirl @missesgojosatoru @loveroftheoldestdream @mkaiiserr

if ive missed anyone im so sorry send me a little reminder &lt;3

[styrofauxm]

2025 Book Bingo Plans

I've started planning out some of what I'm going to read for @batmanisagatewaydrug's 2025 book bingo (read more here), and to get myself hyped, I'm sharing the books I've set in stone, as well as recording some ideas I have for the other spaces!

I've been looking forward to Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins for a while now, I'm interested to see if it will live up to the philosophical examination it sets itself up as.

I got the illustrated copy of Eragon by Christopher Paolini/Sidharth Chaturvedi for Christmas, so that's kind of a no-brainer for the re-read.

Heavenly Tyrant by Xiran Jay Zhao I'm also getting for Christmas, but it's the pretty Illumicrate version, so it's not getting here until January or February. I took a gamble with Iron Widow and got the hardcover, and I was not disappointed (I've read it 3 times and am going to reread it once I get HT, and will certainly reread both in the future), so I expect the fancy one will be money well spent (by my aunt but still).

I am just assuming that My Friends by Fredrik Backman is going to be set in Sweden, because all of Backman's other novels are set there. Hopefully I don't need to find a new book for the category lol. If I do this one will probably fit Literary Fiction anyway.

I've been working my way through my reread of the Hitchiker's Guide trilogy by Douglas Adams, and think I can finish the 3rd in the next few days, so I'm all set up for the 4th going into 2025 :)

I stopped reading Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey when school got really rough last year and have wanted to go back to it for a while. It was recommended to me by my dad, and one of his favorite books. In the 100-ish pages I've read, I've found it to be amazing as well.

Things My Son Needs to Know About the World by Fredrik Backman was going to be my memoir choice until I realized it was actually essays.

I saw Death In Rocky Mountain National Park: Accidents and Foolhardiness on the Continental Divide by Randi Minetor while just wandering Barnes and Noble and was sure I had to read it when the title made it clear it wasn't going to blame animals for the actions of humans.

I've wanted to read Last Chance to See by Douglas Adams and Mark Carwardine for a long time, but the concept alone has always made it a little too sad to convince myself to pick up. This year will be its year though.

I promised my roommate that I would read The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson last year so that we could watch the show for Halloween. I'm following through this year instead.....

My reasoning for Thud! by Terry Pratchett is simple. I like Discworld, I like Ankh Morpork, I like the Watch novels, I like Sam Vimes.

Below the cut are some of my ideas for the sections I haven't filled yet (anyone should feel free to send me as many recommendations for these as you want):

Literary Fiction:

All The Names by José Saramago (recommended by my dad)

The Summer Book by Tove Jansson (recommended by my roommate)

Short Story Collection:

And Every Morning The Way Home Gets Longer and Longer, The Answer is No, and The Deal of a Lifetime by Fredrik Backman (this is not technically a collection, but it is a group of short stories that I really want to read)

20th Century Speculative Fiction:

The Martian by Andy Weir (I just want to read it)

Published Before 1950:

TBD Agatha Christie novel (I stole my dad's books acquired a lot of these and want to read some)

Indie Publisher:

Something from this list

Graphic Novel, Comic Book, or Manga:

Nothing Special by Katie Cook (I read this on Webtoon as it's been coming out, it has some of the best panel transitions on the platform, and I really want to see how she translated that to book form. Also I want to own the books bc I love the story and refuse to pay Webtoon money for it)

Animal On the Cover:

A Lady's Life in the Rocky Mountains by Isabella Bird (I was looking at the "local" shelf (not at this book in particular though) in Barnes and Noble, and a woman (not an employee) came up to me to tell me this is one of her favorite books ever and now I must read it)

The Girl in Red by Christina Henry (I help run a blog here cataloguing books with little to no romance and/or sex in them for people who are sex/romance repulsed, and someone submitted this. I also read a book years ago that I loved, but I didn't have Goodreads even at that point, and all I really remembered was the cover and opening. I've been looking for a while, and I think this very well could be it)

City of Nightmares by Rebecca Schaeffer (I loved her Market of Monster's trilogy and the Webtoon adaptation, and have been meaning to read this for ages)

Descendent of the Crane by Joan He (recommended by my other roommate, plus I liked her book The Ones We're Meant to Find)

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett (re: the reasons for Thud!)

2025 Debut Author:

Honestly, no clue here. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it

Read a Zine and Make a Zine:

Scarland fanzine by a whole bunch of people (I've read it before but it's really quite amazing and I would read it again happily)

2024 Award Winner:

Something on this list

Romance Novel:

Just Last Night by Mhairi McFarlane (recommended by a friend whose judgement in books I really trust)

Read and Make a Recipe:

We will see what strikes my fancy this year

Historical Fiction:

Fever 1973 by Laurie Halse Anderson (this one has been on my TBR since 2015)

The Island of the Sea Women by Lisa See (this was a birthday present in 2019)

Babel by R.F. Kuang (the premise is cool, and it says it's a response to The Secret History and I loved that book)

Bookseller or Librarian Rec:

Because of Mr. Terupt by Rob Buyea (in 5th grade, we did a unit where the class was split into 3rds and we each analyzed 1 book. The kids who read this book loved it. I really wanted to read it then, but never did. Then in 8th grade a librarian recommended it to me, bringing it back to my memory, but I still didn't read it. It lives on my TBR because I feel like I need to read it for 10/13 year old me)

[bomberqueen17]

while i've got the file out

So the last bit of time when I was at the farm, I finally gave in to the pressure of @sassaffrassa's art and started reading the Queen's Thief series.

It's... It's great, I'm not as obsessed with it as some (the selective concealment of stuff that POV characters know but the reader can't Until The Reveal is... clever but rubs me the Wrong Way, not enough to throw me out of the book but enough that I do find myself resenting it, but totally understand how it works beautifully for other readers) but it is extremely, extremely ripe for fanfic, I allow that. And I found that it made me think about the fics of Ciri in Nilfgaard again. It certainly made me realize my error in not including any slaves in the Nilfgaard settings-- that's a big dynamic I missed an opportunity to include, but it's not a thing I like to think about and so I had mentally assigned it all to just be slaves working fields etc., which as anyone knows is like. Only a percentage of what societies that contain slavery actually use slaves for. There should have been enslaved people in the households, all through the society, and Ciri objecting to and wanting to change that could have been an entire underlying theme.

But it's not, because I had meant to write that story as a 5k oneshot, and also I'd entered it right out of Goblin Emperor fic-writing, and whatever that particular fictional society contains, it doesn't have any enslaved people. So I just hadn't thought of it.

Anyway, a digression, but-- it made me, on one exhausted evening, reread the next bits I was going to publish of Not A Crest, and then I still didn't feel like writing but I wanted to keep reading so I dipped into my extras/cut scenes/written ahead docs, and I found an entire a/u I'd come up with and wrote 5k of and then realized i couldn't possibly fit in anywhere.

But. It stands alone somewhat, and I could strip it out of this world and create a new backstory and file all the serial numbers off that too, and...

well now I have another book to write, so I've started a doc with the serial number transpositions in it, LOL.

Now that I'm done at the farm, I have December, January, and probably February without any major commitments. If only I can wrangle my ADHD-or-whatever into some kind of shape, I can hope to bang out at least rough drafts of a couple of these things, or at least enough of them to know whether there's anything to pursue. And, I hope, I can achieve some of my other personal goals around the same time as well. If only I could miraculously learn how to operate a to-do list and make/keep a schedule........

Behind the cut, I'm gonna summarize the a/u snippet and my plans for it. We'll see how this goes.

So this plot depends on Ciri's powers of teleportation and time manipulation, so it can't possibly be in the same continuity as the mammoths and the tall ships, but that means I have a ton of leeway in worldbuilding. It needs to be fantasy-ish but it could be sort of cyberpunk if I wanted. Really it could be just about anything, provided that not-Ciri (I've already renamed her Leila) can still uniquely manipulate time and space, and the mechanism of how she does that is unimportant. It should have a cost, of course, which will be part of the worldbuilding.

So the backstory would be that a larger kingdom/nation-state/whatever kind of polity gobbled up Leila's when she was a young teenager, and she spent her youth as a guerilla, fighting or fleeing and honing her survival skills. There was some larger existential threat, related to the as-yet-undone worldbuilding, but the reveal is that the larger polity attacked and absorbed its neighbors in order to fortify itself against a yet larger invading power-- could be another kingdom, could be like, space invaders, I really haven't decided yet.

Leila meanwhile has come into her powers finally, and has begun to be able to manipulate time and space. i'm going to give her a wise and powerful sorceress mentor, Yennefer-like; instead of Geralt she might have a sword tutor slash captain of the guard or something, an older man who loves and protects and teaches her. Undecided; don't know whether he's important for more than backstory.

And this is all backstory, mind. In this backstory, she finally comes to aid the armies of the polity she had been fighting against, to resist this greater existential threat/invader/whatever. And as part of that she's paired up with this universe's version of Morvran-- I've renamed him Corbin since it means Raven but I'm still open to changing my mind on that. Anyway he's got the important bits of Morvran-- he's both a hostage and a presumptive heir, far too young and far too responsible, a strange balance of overly powerful and completely vulnerable. And for the duration of the backstory, he is helping this mystical enemy-turned-ally (Leila) fight a desperate, scrambling battle using powers that none of them entirely fully understands.

And he has an underling, an aide-de-camp, a young woman who keeps track of things and isn't much of a fighter, and that's where Luliana comes in, and I think I'll keep her name since i made it up anyway. She's a relative of his perhaps, a little older than he is, but allowed to be close to him because she's so unimportant, and she's really his only friend. And she of course falls in love with Leila, who to everyone's surprise falls in love back. Corbin is secretly delighted with this.

The war is long and difficult and horrible things happen to everyone, but in the end they triumph. And Leila is brought back to Expansionist Polity, her own homeland being so thoroughly encompassed and destroyed there's no restoring it, and the leader (perhaps he was injured in the war? perhaps he was already dying? perhaps he's just a guy who wants to retire?) begs her to become his heir, which effectively deposes Corbin, who silently doesn't mind it. But the rest of the government does mind it, and insists she marry Corbin to give them stability. Corbin privately proposes that they have a paper marriage; he is not inclined that way himself, you see, and he would be delighted if Leila and Lu kept their relationship and just let him be nearby, the way they did in the war. Leila counter-offers; she'll stick around long enough to make everyone feel safe and happy, but then she and Lu will run off someplace to live in peace, and leave Corbin to rule and to marry whoever he actually likes. Corbin, too used to not letting on his feelings about anything, agrees to this. And so they all rule together for a year and a day or whatever, Leila gets a bunch of the reforms she'd wanted pushed through, they get along marvellously, and then Leila disappears mysteriously, as agreed.

She and Lu go off and live happily somewhere peaceful. She is unexpectedly bored, Lu is homesick and sad, and her sorceress mentor finally finds her and scolds her for running away. "Haven't I done enough?" Leila asks, and her mentor is like obviously not, but doesn't have anything to convince her with. Until a little later, when the sorceress comes back and tells Leila that Corbin is dead, assassinated. He could not in fact get by without her.

Leila uses her powers to go back, but arrives too late, finding Corbin's head on a spike and his hands nailed below. She notices his hand still has both their wedding ring and the ring she'd given him as an engagement gift on it. He was supposed to have moved on and found himself a better partner.

She musters the last of her power and jumps back a little farther, interrupting the assassination attack, but she is again too late; Corbin is mortally wounded. She sits with him as he dies, and with his last breath he admits that he has always loved her and never wanted her to leave. She needs to jump again, and doesn't have the power for it, but sucks the last of his life-force out to do it, which is unethical-- she also draws from his would-be assassins and the guards who betrayed him, knowing it's a terrible thing to do but will be largely erased by her abandoning this timeline. There'll be a cost and I'll worldbuild that in too, however it makes sense once I've written it.

And this is all still backstory, and the story begins as she arrives, just in time, to interrupt the attack and save Corbin's life, wounded but not mortally. But this time Corbin has some self-possession left, and he is still wearing her rings and apologizes for it and merely admits that he was relying on his enemies' remaining respect for and fear of her. We the audience have not seen Leila's two previous attempts and do not know what she knows.

(Yes, yes, I was complaining that the Queen's Thief series relies too much on this, but I admit I'm trying to figure out whose POV this is from, and I may well not use Leila's, in order to make it not dishonest to exclude this knowledge. We'll have to see what seems honest to me as I'm writing it.)

And the story goes from there, as she tries to restore his rule and tries to figure out which version of him is lying, the one who said he loved her with his last breath before she stole the rest, or the one who calmly, collectedly bled all over her and politely apologized for his inability to do as she had asked him to and find a different spouse.

Obviously I need more plot than that, but it will come to me, I'm pretty sure. But that's where I'm starting. As I've said before, I'm a pantser, and that means I can't outline the plot or I'll paralyze myself.

[artficlly]

wip wednesday

it's not wednesday but shhh.

thank you for tagging me @marvelstoriesepic !! so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to doing this. i'm officially done with uni for the year woohoo, i'm free-ish until february so i want to try write a lot. here is a wip i've been working on?? no idea what this is going to be, maybe a one-shot, maybe a shorter series. anyway enjoy, so sorry for the long wait between posting these last few months. much love and btw it's a fantasy apocalyptic au!

i who have known death monsterhunter!bucky x healer!reader

The space where Dregwyn County once occupied had been drenched in a deep, black ink. Any carefully drawn details or delicate lettering was obscured—consumed even. Dregwyn County was a place long forgotten, like many others, just a mere memory lost to the wind. The Bleeding Lands Map was sacred to the Sisters of the Veil, a map of all of history and all that was to come. Massive and weathered, edges fraying, it dominated the chamber room. Looking upon it was like a prayer come to life, a record of life lost since The Blight. Regions were marked with faded names, and where cities had fallen, it was replaced with a lathering of ink, as if one had taken a brush and erased the entire region from existence. The lands the Sisters had once healed were shrinking, drawn back into the grasp of the Bloodworms.

You reached out, finger tracing across the small metal pins pressed into the void which was once Dregwyn County. Each pin was painted black, a record of each sister lost as the region fell. It did not mark the other innocents lost, the families and workers. No, the map could not hold the number of pins needed to represent the loss since the Bloodworm Blight would simply be left as a mountain of metal. The frayed paper turned to ribbons under each prick and pierce. 

Your heart tightened as you gazed at the pins, noting how the map grew smaller each passing year, even within the short years she had called Cloisterwood home. Once vast and thriving, the safe lands were now reduced to small pockets of resistance. The cities had become refuges, safe from the Bloodworms, but there were fewer and fewer of them. And the countryside? The places that had once supported civilisation? They were lost. All lost.

Your gaze swept away from the North, away from the void of dark ink that obscured the borderlands. The Bloodworms pressed in from the west, attacking the small towns and farmers that remained in the red-soiled swamps. The South… well, the South was no better than the North. The Blight rampaged through the plains, thriving in the open where their hosts could make rapid ground, and there were fewer and fewer places for the survivors to hide. No, the one true last fortress of the lands was the East. The Bloodworm Blight was rampant but controllable. Cities offered protection and purpose, and the Sisters of the Veil were always nearby. Colourfully painted pins dotted those Eastern areas, each representing an active sister who was out healing. 

You would soon be one of those colourful pins.

You had completed your training after six years with the Sisterhood of the Veil, or the Faceless as you were often referred to. Healing, Alchemy, even good manners if Sister Niva could get a word in. Six years later, you were ready to be sent out into the world, a world that you had blissfully forgotten. Would the memories of Dregwyn blind you with grief? Or would you grit your teeth, bury those feelings and continue? It would have to be the latter if you had learnt anything; this bleeding world was not one to hesitate in.

The large doors opening echoed through the room, startling you as you backed away a few steps from The Bleeding Lands Map. 

“Sister, it is time.” The Sister’s expression was unreadable beneath her veil, the black lace shrouding her features. Some had even called your Sisterhood wraiths, women who walked the line between life and death—faceless women who stood in the face of evil. 

You nodded, rushing to leave the small confines of the Map Chamber.  The sister at the door, Sister Elara, you could recognise her by her voice alone, grasped your shoulder as you attempted to pass.

“Once you enter, I will not see you again. You will choose a name from the bowl and leave for the place immediately.” Her voice sounded oddly strained, tight and nasally. You tilt your head beneath your own veil. It was unlike the Sister Elara to convey such evident emotion. “It has been an honour, my acolyte. I trust you will do well out there.”

“And it has been my honour to be taught by you.” Your voice caught in your throat as you spoke, a sad smile playing across your obscured lips. Six years with this woman, your mentor, your rock… and yet you had never seen her face. When you closed your eyes, you would only be met with the image of who you thought she could be. Was she brunette or blonde? Did she have dimples when she smiled, crooked teeth? Did her hair curl in the rain, and were her eyes a mismatch of green and blue? 

All you would ever know was her voice, soft-spoken and steady. You could only hope that in your last moments, you could cling to those memories, the two of you tucked away in the stuffy, incense-smoke-filled studies of Cloisterwood, how her delicate hands had guided yours, showing you how to stitch a wound or brew a potion. 

“I who have known death,” The Sister Elara choked out, hand raising to her left shoulder as she cut a motion diagonally downwards, the repeated on her right as she drew out an X across her chest.

“I who have known the end.” You reply, repeating the motion. 

There was a sinking feeling as you stepped into the corridor, blindly walking towards the ascension room. A sinking feeling that Sister Elara already knew you were being sent to your death. A mother's intuition, maybe, a knowing within her soul as her faceless acolyte stepped into the beyond. For all the death you had known, it would be nothing compared to the fate that awaited you in the western swampland stronghold of Redhollow.

[bismuthburnsblue]

✨2024 makes wrap up! ✨

this ended up being a big year for me in terms of makes, though it didnt really feel like it at the time! im also realising how many of these projects i never did a proper wrap up post for, so i will try and do some more of those over the coming weeks!

Total sewing projects: 11 Costumes completed: 3 UFOS finished: 1.5 (one was a long-awaited alteration) buttons sewed for coworkers: 13 (ish)

and the full list, with links to posts as i write them!

Anne Pants

Anne Blouse

Anne Corset

Flora Dress

Janet Skirt

Record Bag

Ginny Skirt alteration

Ginny Vest

The Coat

Skirt alteration

Minecraft Guardian plushie

bonus mentions:

(things that werent sewing projects or didnt get completed, but felt important enough not to leave off!)

Anne necklace

Cross stitch progress

design a dress

swallow ita bag

below the cut ive wrote a little about the projects with pictures, if you wanna read more in depth thoughts!

Anne took up most of the start of my year, working from february to may on the parts of the costume. it took me outside my comfort zone in a lot of ways- my first time making pants, and the corset presented a whole bunch of new challenges, being in leather- any seam i made was impossible to fix. i made a whole bunch of mistakes, but im incredibly happy with the overall results anyway.

I took a break after Anne, chilled out, did some cross stitch, only to jump head first into Flora on an impulse (aka my friend said "do you want to?" and i said "say less") In spite of the time crunch, she was quite an easy build, following a pattern, not too much fitting, and most of the problems ended up being of my own making. after coming back to redo her hem in october, im super happy with how things came out!

I floated around for a bit over the summer, messing around with patterning the wing collar for the design-a-dress for a while, working on my Janet skirt, and patterning a couple other miscellaneous things before throwing myself into mcm prep again! as mentioned, i redid my Flora hem, and i also decided to learn a new type of skill! bag making!!!

Looking at my archive, i dont think i ever posted anything about the bag i made for Maggie, which is frankly a crime, because i love this thing!!! it was absolutely a learning curve & i didnt have all the best choice of materials (it was mostly scraps from my job and things from in my stash) but i really did learn so much that i can take forward into the future- which there definitely will be a future! i already have plans for at least three more bag projects, and im gonna figure out how to make ita bags too :D

then it was full steam ahead into november, and i decided i could finish another costume this year, and so it was time for Ginny! She was a mix of refashioning & from scratch work, but every fabric piece was made with recycled materials. I loved making this costume, it was super fun to mess around with techniques with no worry about how professional it looked at the end because she was such an obscure costume!

At the same time i was working on Ginny, i decided it was high time i finally finished the coat i started working on... two years ago ''':) this too was all about learning new techniques and understanding proper construction, and i am so, so happy with the results. theres definitely a couple pieces id like to come back and revisit at some point (looking at you, collar -_-) but i know those are mostly things only im going to see. im so glad i put it down for a while, i think ive done a lot better than i would have done this time last year- and i know when ive given it some time and come back again, ill do better then, too. but its wearable and cute, and i finally have a lovely winter coat :)

I thought i would be finishing the year with a couple of long overdue alterations to my favourite skirts, but i ended up only getting one done when my coworker asked for help making a christmas present for their friends kid. the second she showed me the pattern, i knew i could do better, and so i wrapped up my year with a mad dash to make a plushie guardian in a week before i finished work for the year.

You should know by now i love a challenge, and this sure was something different! i think id do things differently if i had more time, but im super happy with how this guy came out! it was great practice for satin stitching on my machine & working with tricky fabrics, and i think id definitely like to make another one, with a few changes to the design- and the colours of the fabric, as i had nothing to do with those! im telling the kid its a shiny guardian ;) either way, i hope the kid has a great time using him as a mace !!

and thats my year in review!! im hoping next year ill be able to do another one of these and be just as proud of everything ive achieved :)

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Not sure if you're actually interested in talking more about this, but I'm jumping in anyway because I relate so hard to being confused about the spiderverse timeline. Not only did everything about the society and Miguel happen fast, but a bunch of other stuff don't add up either? Like.

The first film takes place in early December 2018 according to Miles' test (if we can trust that? It does snow several times) and Peter's headstone, and Across takes place less than a year and a half later... or in July 2023 according to the bodega's security cameras?

Also, the news anchor says Peter was 26 when he died, but the headstone says 1991-2018. Then his birthday was in mid to late December? And he died right before it? That's sad. Oh! Speaking of birthdays: Miles asks why he can't go back to Brooklyn middle school. Soo... he's 13 (which the art book claimed, I think??) and skipped a grade? Is his birthday also late in the year? It has to be imminent if he can be 15 in a year and four months.

And Mayday! Babies typically start crawling at 7-10 months. 9 months of pregnancy + 7 months of living baby = 16 months, or a year and four months! MJ must've gotten pregnant immediately after she and Peter B reconciled. That's effecient of them, but I guess she'd waited long enough.

If we disregard the security cams, it's actually April-ish 2020. How long has Gwen been with the society? She says "a few months", yeah? If that's the truth, it must be between two and five months, because Jess' belly was noticeably big in the prologue, but she's yet to give birth by the end. So! Gwen joined in December or January? Maybe February? That's winter. Is it common to be dressed in shorts, tights, and sweater but no coat in New York during winter? Because that's how she's dressed. And the people around her are wearing t-shirts.

Gwen and Hobie has been on "a couple dozen" missions together. That's at least 24, if he meant that literally. Nearly one every day for one month. But it can't have been continuous because he's got shit to deal with in his own dimension in between. How do they manage their time? Do they have a schedule? And this has less to do with the timeline and is really something that just hit me:

Did Miguel deliberately gather all those spider-people to intimidate Miles with? Because HQ is teeming with spider-people doing mostly nothing (and that's only in the lobby). Don't they have villains to catch at home? I'm picturing Miguel sending a mass dm to everyone about how he needs them to come in and act natural – they have a 15 year old that has to be put in his place!

All this to say: I don't think you're dense about this. I think it's the writers that can't math.

BRUH ACTUALLY DEADASS

HOW LONG HAS JESSICA BEEN PREGNANT??????

Because her pregnancy and Gwen's time there PLUS pavitr joining in under six months is SO JARRING AND CONFUSING.

I assumed Gwen was with them for like 6 months, but that seems way too long so maybe 3? And we can (generously) say Jess was maybe 5-6 months pregnant? So okay, she's about to give birth.

And as someone who lives in NY, nah Winter here is a good 40F(4C) here or lower - even spring you have to wear a hoodie and it's like 60F(15C) until July so I don't know when they recruited her tbh

But for some reason I always assumed that Gwen joined before Pavi did, but I guess not?? But Pavi had only been Spider-man for six months? So did they recruit him right away or was HE the 'new guy' before Miles???? And why would they recruit him right away?

Yeah and with Hobie's work schedule - like I'm assuming they don't go on missions only together because she knows Pavi and LOTS of the other Peters, so either shes going on other missions with other people too- meaning Gwen has done a couple dozen with Hobie and THEN some, or she has a lot of time between missions to meet a lot of Peters around campus.

But then that adds up to like 50 something missions. Unless anamolies are happening every single day, that's still 10 weeks, five days a week - at the least.

And they have training rooms!! So i'm assuming Gwen didn't start going on missions right away with the way Miguel was treating her - so what the hell?????

It's like....

If MJ got pregnant right away, at the same time Miguel got the watch - how long did it take him to meet Peter B.??? Was Peter B the first one he met? And how long did he know Peter B before he lost his daughter? Mind you - all in under a year or so. How long was he with his daughter?????

This makes NO SENSE. NO SENSE WHATSOEVER

And also to answer your last point:

Personally I think, yes Miguel actually made a concentrated effort to do that.

I wrote about it in my Hobie dialogue break-down - but the entire Spider Society scene was propaganda meant to intimidate Miles. Hobie even points this out, telling Miles 'propaganda bro'.

Their watches can take them anywhere - Jess goes to the bridge in Mumbattan. But when they need to see Miguel, they make Miles look at the all (trained) Spider-people. Then they take him to the prison area, then the go home machine. They could've just teleported into Miguel's lair, but instead Miguel made them do this whole tour (things Hobie and Gwen have seen), before meeting Miguel.

In my opinion Miguel absolutely planned that, theres no other reason for them to have been there and for the three of them to have to walk through all of that.

They even make them go to the food court for Miguels empanada like how petty can Miguel be lol He literally just wanted to scare Miles

[rikki-roses]

Fluffy February Day 10: Care

SWTOR

Time Period: Early Chapter 3 of Consular storyline

I think Nadia is "supposed" to be older, like 21-ish, but honestly I headcanon her as closer to Ashara's age based on how she acts and how her father treats her, and I think Ashara is about 16? Definitely picture an older sister/younger sister dynamic between her and my Consular, bordering on a mother/daughter dynamic; Setra's 25/26 here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Setra and the boys gathered around Nadia, trying desperately to provide comfort to her after the death of her father, all four of them woefully unprepared to care for a grieving orphaned teenager. While Setra could formally make Nadia her Padawan as per Nadia's father's last wish, ensuring the girl would be cared for and still have a Responsible Adult in her life, it didn't provide solace in the moment. And Setra certainly hadn't expected it to come about like this, the months of them training in secret notwithstanding.

In the end, they situated Nadia on the couch in the ship lounge, keeping a steady stream of tea (Zenith promptly tried to mix it with brandy - "that's what we do when we're grieving the loss of someone in the Balmorran Resistance, and 17 is totally old enough for alcohol" - but Setra quickly put a stop to that) at her elbow and practically burying her in lap blankets and stuffed animals. The remaining diplomats, for their part, provided comforting words to her but otherwise stayed out of Setra and her crew's way.

When Nadia hadn't moved from the couch after several hours, leaving her lunch untouched, Setra gingerly perched on the edge of the couch next to her. Nadia looked up at her, eyes welling up with tears, and leaned into Setra hard as she wrapped her arms around the older woman's neck, weeping into her shoulder.

For the briefest second, Setra froze; she was not used to providing comfort like this - normally, when she dealt with someone experiencing high emotions, it was anger or fear, not sadness. But her Jedi training came through, and she wrapped her arms around the girl, pulling her close.

Relax. No different than comforting Kiki when we were children, before...

She closed her eyes and gently swayed the two of them, reaching out to her Padawan through the Force, letting her presence in the Force wrap around the girl's. Nadia gratefully seized upon the offered connection, steadying her breathing to match Setra's. She pulled away after several minutes, sniffling; Setra handed her a handkerchief, brushing the hair out of Nadia's eyes.

"There's my girl. Do you think you can try eating?"

Nadia's lower lip trembled, but she nodded and grabbed the untouched plate. Nadia picked at the food, offering bites to Setra, who in turn politely declined. Setra herself had eaten little, but she didn't want the girl to worry or get distracted. Not that she had an appetite after the recent events, anyways. Nadia got through a good chunk of her food before finally speaking."

"When...when are we going to Tython? Does the Council know yet that I'm your Padawan?"

Setra took a long moment to respond. "Master Syo knows I was planning on training you regardless of what your father had wanted, but he and the others know yet what happened, or that you're officially my Padawan now. We can go to Tython and tell them in person whenever you're ready, but I didn't want to rush you so soon."

"Will they be angry?"

Setra quickly shook her head. "No, no; this isn't the first time a Jedi has taken a Padawan in these conditions. Master Kaeden on the Council might complain since I technically didn't get Council approval beforehand, but he'll be an outlier. He's...more rigid about the rules. And again, Master Syo is on our side."

Nadia bobbed her head, mimicking how Setra often nodded. "Can...can you read one of your texts to me, tonight? Daddy always read to me before bed."

"Of course, sweet girl. We can make for Tython tomorrow, if you think you're ready?"

Nadia bobbed her head again, and Setra felt a weight lift that she hadn't realized was there. She looked up and saw the four men hovering in the doorway; she gave them a thumbs up, and they left to prepare the ship to leave.

Setra hadn't expected to have to care for a Padawan so soon, but if the Force willed it, she would follow.

[honeypot-sapphic]

Relationship storytime at the request of @junipermead53 ! It's a lot im sorry but to be fair it took almost three years lol

- Meet this girl Junior year of hs in my trade program, let's call her G

- Assume off initial meeting she's either going to be a lesbian or a republican and don't think much more of it cause we aren't friends

- slowly become her friend towards the end of Junior year and be friends with two other girls (E and K)

- We chat over the summer but i ignore her a lot bc severe depressive episode whoops

- Senior year comes around, uneventful start. I have long since learned i was wrong she isn't a lesbian or a republican and is a straight christian girl

- I realize around October that oh no, I caught feelings for her and have a crisis over it cause of course I'd fall for the one straight girl in my friend group.

- Chat with her constantly in and out of school, we call constantly when out of school and I consider her one of my closest friends

- Somewhere mid April, I send an Instagram reel that says something like "ask me any question and I have to answer it". After a long and back and forth about actually saying it it makes it out that I like her, but she doesn't like me and is straight. We decide to remain friends.

- In the same voice call that the reveal happens, she suggests we fake date to play a joke on our friends. Specifically E and another girl named P.

- We have a trip to California for a competition we competed in (scored 4th place nationally babeyyyy) and decide to full send the fake relationship for the trip, which is end of April

- Trip happens. On our day we get home I stay over at her place just cause of convenience and she tells me she actually DOES like me. We do not begin a relationship yet.

- Early May, E and P blow up on us for the fake dating, calling us manipulative and toxic and bad friends. We feel bad about it but also huh what?? Manipulative? For a fake dating prank? Anyways we apologize and feel bad about it. Very shortly after me and G decide to actually start dating

- Things are rocky. Senior year ends, the job hunt begins, she's having an identity crisis and starts acting super weird to me. I have to flat out ask her if she's breaking up with me and the answer is yes. ON THE FIRST DAY OF PRIDE MONTH. BY SAYING SHE'S STRAIGHT. homophobia at its finest

- I cut my losses and let us stay friends.

- Over the course of June we somehow get closer? Calling every night, constantly chatting, ect.

- July and August we hang out in person and she gets REAL clingy. Like.. she's super huggy and sweet to me, wants to hold my hand a lot, ect.

- September 4th ish? We have our first kiss. Yet again because of an Instagram reel, this one joking about making out.

- Have a "so what are we" debate before we make things official where she tells me she does actually like me and whatnot

- And we make it official on September 8th!

- ignoring the mental breakdown I had early October when I broke up with her for a day we're going strong! Five month anniversary coming up start of February and I'm so very in love with her

[astral-athame]

((Life for me has pretty much been: Wake up at 8am. Desperately try to get more sleep until 9 (usually I doze off for, like, 2 or 3 minutes at a time and that's it). Get ready for work. Leave between 9:30 and 9:45. Work from 10-1:30-ish (it's supposed to be until 1:15 but I'm never out of there on time). Get home around 1:45. Leave for work part 2 around 2:30. That goes from at least 3-7, usually closer to 7:20 when I finally leave (sometimes stay until 8 or 9). Get home between 7:30 and 7:45. Make a quick dinner, shower, etc. Around 8:30, watch Ba.tt.le.st.ar Gal.act.ica with a couple of friends (if things work out, this couple may eventually be more than just my friends, but we'll see how that goes ^^;) until about 10:30, then chat with them for a bit after that, usually until almost 11. Bedtime routine (wash face, brush teeth, etc etc). Then stare at drafts until midnight when I realize I need to get to bed because I know I'll be up earlier than I need to be. Then the weekends have consisted a lot of babysitting, running errands, and trying to finish unpacking here and there because it's been 4 months and finding time to unpack has been a pain in the ass with everything that's constantly going on. Also, I spent 3 hours on Saturday putting together a kitchen cabinet- thankfully we have extra screwdrivers because the phillip's-head screwdriver they included was such bad quality that it was messed up and unusable less than half an hour in because the metal of it was so soft -_-

ANYWAY- Work both shifts the rest of the week (except Friday, but only because I don't have to do the second shift, still have the first). Saturday we're going out for my dad's birthday (which was actually last week, but we couldn't make things work for going out last weekend like we'd wanted to). Saturday night is also game night, as usual. Then Sunday I *should* have some free time, but I also desperately need to get some cleaning done that's being semi-neglected throughout the week. So what I'm saying is Sundays are chore days.

If things go well, I should, soon, only be working the first shift in another week or two (with the second shift just being Fridays and when absolutely needed)? Right now both my sister and I are stuck doing the second shift every night (and have been since before mid-winter break last month) because the custodial staff is down two people (one girl broke her leg and has been out since October, I think? And the other has been on temporary (paid) probation since early February while they consider whether or not to fire him and go through all the legal jargon of all of that). But they should be coming to a decision about that soon, I would hope, which would mean that if he gets to come back, then we won't be working nights unless someone calls out. And if he doesn't come back, then they should be hiring someone to fill his place so we'll just have to wait until someone snags the job (hopefully, in that case, they'll offer it to my sister first because usually they try to offer it to substitutes and she really wants it, but we'll see). They're also slowly running out of budget for substitutes, so, that's something to consider, too.

ANYWAY- TL;DR: I've basically had no writing time / personal time and that's why I've not been around. Hopefully work stuff will calm down soon because leaving the house around 9:30am and not really getting to be home until usually after 7:30pm (sometimes 8:30pm or 9:30pm) has been exhausting ^^;

I'll try to be around on Sunday (probably focus on Rogue's blog because I've been writing the fic in my head at work most nights so I have a lot of muse for her AND her blog has been sorely neglected for at least a few months now WHICH MAKES ME SO MAD AT MYSELF). If I can even get one or two asks done, then I'll consider that an accomplishment at this point!

I'm so sorry about the long absence. I'm sorry to everyone for neglecting replies. I'm sorry to everyone I was writing with and haven't had the time / social and physical energy / emotional capacity to reach back out to in a while. That's on me. I dropped the ball on that. I've never been good at ooc communication anyway, tbh. I was really hoping things would be a little bit calmer after I moved, but instead they went in exactly the opposite direction and haven't really slowed down any since November. In fact, they've just gotten more hectic over the last few months ^^;

I adore you all so much and I really do hope that I can get back to writing soon. I've been missing it (and all of you) terribly.

Take care and I'll try to be around soon <3))

[blankcreator]

Hello sorry to bother you with this all of sudden ,and this might be coming out of nowhere, and I’m not trying to force you or be pushy but I m trying to get more people into this show with great potential. If your not interested it’s fine but Have you heard of or watched moon girl and devil dinosaur? Season 2 comes out February 2. 

The main character i love she gives me autistic vibes I’m autistic. The show has interesting characters, action ,great music, and animation ,good themes and representation, Anime references, it even has an eyecatch season 2 is going to be more story driven if you find that interesting. It also shares the same animation studio as rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

It be good if you watch the first 2 season 2 episode when they air so the ratings will be higher. And watch the other season 2 episodes when they air.

I think Disney might be trying to sabotage the show with them probably dropping 14 episodes on Disney + on February 3. They did similar with season 1 and the ratings where low ,please watch season 2 episodes when they air on. But more importantly also watch it on Disney + on feb 3 and when they air it on YouTube. Unfortunately they are dropping 14 episodes on Disney + so watch them all in one day but also when they air the first time.

I’m not just saying only cable just also. I’m saying please support this show. Despite that it still won 5 Emmys. Also if it’s no trouble could if it alright with you spread the word about this show to others you know like either online or irl. Time is limited!

GIRL- I AM ALREADY IN THAT FANDOM! plus, the animators a.k.a flying bark production worked with this show and also worked with my other fav cartoon rottmnt. I have join other cartoon fandoms like star vs the forces of evil, ben 10, spider verse, TMNT, LMK, and other fandoms. My fav is currently rottmnt. But i do have some moon girl and devil dinosaur fanart! Its just small doodles though, not full put drawings.

And dont worry, you didn't disturb me. I was bored as heck anyway! So answering this was actually fun ^^

ALSO! Yeah! This show barely gets support! SOMEONE PLS WATCH THIS SHOW! I swear i love the comic-ish art style! Its bootiful!

[fullofsunsetwhispers]

Didya know that today, February 2nd, is TwinTail Day? Would you give us a headcanon relating to Kimiko's twintails pls?

Ok, maybe that's ultra late but OMG I didn't know such a holiday exists!

I googled it and it appears it became popular thanks to Sailor Moon (well, the trend of such a hairstyle originated from many other animes too but I'm mentioning these series for a reason)

Headcanon 1

What if Kimiko was a Sailor Moon fan? And she would watch it with Keiko?? And then they would comb each other's hair?

Headcanon 2

That's a tradition the girls practice each year. Even Mr Toshiro isn't safe from pink ribbons lol

Headcanon 3

This one is less canon-ish because I wanted to include my interpretation of Seiko here too. (She's the character from chronicles and she's also a friend of Kimiko and Keiko although she joined their group quite late). In my mind, she would give off more tomboish Vibe and hence, she's not fond of the holiday. But girls are persistent and try to make two ponytails of her short hair anyway. Seiko secretely likes IT but keeps on telling them next year she won't take part in such a toomfoolery. (She's lying)

Headcanon 3

Because Kimiko is a Monk now, she can't be at home as often as she used to. When the TwinTail Day comes, she's upset she can't spend the holiday with her besties. Dojo and the boys Ask her what's wrong and their immediate solution is: YOU CAN DO OUR HAIR. (I love some wholesome Clay and Rai with Tiny ponytails bc their hair is too short tgtv) Omi joins too! He brings one of Kimiko's wigs and tells Kimiko she can do some braids! Kimiko is no longer sad and everyone's having a blast. At the end of the day Kimiko sees Seiko and Keiko sent her a selfie so Kimiko replies back. She sends them silly photos of boys and their attempts to make twintails on Kimiko's hair.

That's my ideas regarding this japanese celebration and thank you for the Ask!

[postmakergeneral]

A quick-ish ramble to sort out some feelings.

So... It's only the fifth of February. I don't usually keep to the larger internet, mind you, so I tend to be late to things. But, the fire has spread to my little spot on the internet where I take comfort.

What fire? The fire. That fire. You know the one. The fire of things ever changing, too fast to rest or to even understand. As soon as one thing settles in, it hits you with another and you're left just lost for a while.

I woke this morning a little later than usual. I've been composing or rearranging music in part to make my own, in part to understand music better. It's a struggle, one worth taking, but it eats time—

Anyways. I wake up and check the internet. See the news. Check my mail for rejected job applications. See something on reddit and—

I watch vtubers, of course I do. I'm an out and out weeb, struggling to learn Japanese alone. Anki discourages you within a week of study, though I blame myself for not immersing enough.

I didn't watch Selen. I guess she's Dokibird, now. I'll have to watch her next stream to show my support.

Nijisanji EN is burning. Has been a while, I guess. It's just game to see who's next. Live content is fast at making parasocial connections.

That's the word of post-quarantine media. Parasocial. Creators versus the audience. I say it like it's a fight, because it seems to be. Creators against themselves, trying to keep up good content. The audience, demanding but loyal. The sense of friendship watching the same person for years, though they may never see your comment.

We're all lonely here, in our own ways. Hear someone friendly enough refer to you as "you"—English lacking a plural you to differentiate. Even the streamer's lingo of calling the audience "chat", has this —effect of them pointing at the you behind the screen.

——

Later, as I was working through some backlogged videos, I learn Matpat is quitting. You too, huh? Thanks for all the early Youtube videos, though I fell off after FNAF 3. Feel a bit bad now, since the appeal of the lore has clicked in for me.

I don't know if Youtube/Twitch is a job in the same way accountant is. You know, that boost in popularity and in money. The unease of not knowing how much your next paycheck is.

But, retiring? That isn't quitting and finding a new job. That's... just not working anymore. And I get that he's not really quitting, but you know what I mean—he's not making this his thing anymore.

That's out there. Like, I know Matpat's a dad now. But, I always figured that these folks would retire 20 years or so before me. Like, we'd be balding, guts lapped over our belts when some youtuber had their 40th or so anniversary. Then, they say: "It's the last year for me." And we'd all cheer—we would have proven that internet media production is a life vocation. That with some luck and skill, we could live all our lives as Creators.

But Matpat et al aren't retiring because they've had a full career. They threw themselves into the fire and got tired of it. They're backing off from the internet for health and personal reasons, not because they're too old.

Better this, I suppose, than being asked to leave. Better this, than "selling out" and making worse content.

——

Speaking of "being asked to leave".... I get it now. I get what you were talking about when your favorite creator got cancelled. Because I just learned what my favorite creator has been up to—it's not great.

Compound that. What, for about 14 years? I'd say about that much. 14 years of quality, consistently improving content, near daily. Then, it hits that your favorite creator just did the fuck up of a lifetime and now—

Well, I have to come to terms with it. How am I supposed to feel about this? I'd say disappointed, but I... think I saw this coming.

I won't name names here. Dokibird deserves better, so she gets a mention. Matpat will have fanfare seeing him off—when we cry for him, it'll be out of respect.

This guy? He asked for quiet time, time to do better.

But at the same time, I know if I sit through the old content... I'll hear it. The things that pointed this way. I had the sense that he wasn't just going to put his foot in his mouth, but both his legs in there before long. And he did, massively.

I hope. That's hard word to say. Hope. I don't think I've had much of that a while. I want for him to do as he promises and be better. Apparently, other people have done the same.

—

Apparently, the drama tubers have gotten their mitts on the guy. Vultures, the lot, and so are we. But I don't watch drama tubers. I do watch people who interact with that bubble.

Last month or so, my newest favorite video esssayist—and while I haven't decided to drop the name yet, it's very obvious—decided to take on the legal basis of some youtube drama.

I was there for the section on the American financial system, like a good nerd.

That went... well, Icarus moment, for the guy. I don't think any of the fans were really there for the drama section, just for the legal analysis. Like, I've seen legal tube before. I'm sure you have. I was full on expecting for the rest of the legal analysis to drop, like he'd pull out a different case entirely to examine what had happen before.

I think the video's gone now. But, internet. Do check out his stuff. There's more than law in there. I think I'd call it anthropology, or just the analysis of how culture came to be. Is that the same thing?

—

I don't feel better. This was supposed to make me feel better. I was supposed to confront my emotions and process them until I was happy(er). And I'm not.

Do people still do these? A strange little diary of the moment? It's very Tumblr to me. Carve out a little place for yourself. No one will see what you make. No one will care. Freedom, at its best and worst. Too much to do and too little at the same time.

There's a sense of welcomed imperfection here. I won't likely get much love for what I do on here, nor will I get any critique. A diary made public, for no one to see. Wonderful. That's exactly what I wanted from my social media.

Odd. I don't want to interact or others to interact with me much. Here I am, just shouting into the void because the beach is closed.

—

Some other notes before I let you leave.

Palworld exists. It's in odd space, seemingly trying to step on toes. But it's really not the better version of Pokémon I was looking for. It doesn't have better story or gameplay.

I have SMT and Persona (which I like less than mainline) for that.

The Apollo Justice trilogy finally dropped, saving some wonderful games and stories from rotting on the 3DS. Citra, of course, exists, but those games refuse to run on there.

I'm playing around with other hobbies. Maybe I should try daily writing. This time, I might actually post it. I think my creative writing is more structured than this, but probably not. Every once in a while, I think up a decent phrase and wonder if I should try again.

Honestly, this here is out there for this blog. This is a post whatever, whenever I just made blog. I guess this counts.

I think it's time. I need to touch grass. I need a job.

And I'm very tempted to hit the Enlist button.

Thanks for reading.

Bye.

[niyanao]

love — a subject .

i hate talking about personal things like this !! (proceeds to talk about personal things like this)

but seriously, i don't think anyone reads my entries yet and i just wanna dump my feelings so this is my journal page and i do what i want ! anyways, here's my second journal entry, about my experiences with love and loss and everything in between <3

where i start is, who i am as a person. after all, why love something if you have no idea what it is right ? anyway, i've never been a very extroverted person, me being an introvert can be up to debate, but one thing, i'm horrible at speaking to strangers and people who intimidate me. i always preferred being comfortable with 1 person rather than having a friend group, and i guess that's where some of my love stems from. 

i've had four exes so far, though i could say all of them are wonderful people .

— my first love was an online relationship, she lived in davao and i lived in manila, despite us not being that close, it was very heartwarming. sadly, had to end the relationship because of her strict father and his religious beliefs preventing us from merely talking to each other. i would really love to relive that moment in my life again.

— one from a friend that i still know up until now, i liked the bond between us, but to my fault, i misinterpreted that as romantic and just a mere-coping mechanism to breaking up from the first relationship. i realized this and sadly ended my second relationship and i hurt him, to that, i'm still sorry.

— the third one, february this year. i never thought i could be loved. but i guess an inter-class soiree/prom-ish with another school made me believe otherwise again. i found her quite attractive and a fun person to talk to that we'd talk for hours about random stuff. worst mistake i ever made was to confess that i liked her that much on the same night where we first met, maybe i wouldn't be in a different position now. we were two busy students, but she always found the time to talk to me. now i feel like a horrible person because i barely took the effort to reciprocate that, even though i still loved her so much. i'm sorry, and i never wanted to use you.

— most recently, him. another dear friend of mine, he stuck by me through thick and thin, for the past 3 years. i was so hopeful and always pursued to be perfect, and tried my best to learn from past mistakes of my previous relationships to make this work because i really did love him, and i didn't want to lose him. he's a few years older than me, so pretty much more mature than any facade i can put up. i always loved the midnight chats, where we would talk while you were drawing, i would talk about my problems and you for yours. my heart still aches thinking about it, but the world doesn't stop because my world did.

how i wish everyday to be loved, instead of the person who loves. gosh, i'm so tired of love at this point, and i feel very drained whenever i think about someone i remotely like. other than relationships that came and went, i faced a lot of rejections from people either. despite my heart being crushed and broken countless times, i still continue to blindly fall in love with people. i want to constantly improve myself for the next person to come so that they feel warm and welcomed. but of course, why chase butterflies if you can build your own beautiful garden? a garden so beautiful you wouldn't need to chase butterflies anymore and still be at peace. i've learned so much from the people that i look up to, that i shouldn't really beat myself up that much. god, how stupid am i to give the same advice to my friend to not do that, even if i do that to myself a lot. it's always the fact that i have a hard time loving myself, i guess that's why i think it's hard to love me. 

i want to improve on that, even though it's natural for someone like me to continue doing that. i experience so much envy and dysphoria from day-to-day life that i've forgotten to look into the mirror and appreciate what's there. but i never had. i always see — her. a perfect me. beautiful, cute, smart. or what i want there to be.

but hey, with the help of some people, i've been trying to be at peace with what i am now, but i can't ever help feeling alone.

i really like this poem from my former english teacher. "when love arrives" by sarah kay and phil kaye really touched me because of so much heart-melting lines, like:

"If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her. Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper, “Thank you. Thank you for stopping by.”"

— nao

[readnburied]

February Reading Wrap Up

Target: 8

Read: 9

Private by Kate Brian

This is book 1 of the Private series which focuses on a boarding school and a group of girls who are beautiful as they are mysterious. Our main character, Reed Brennon, wins a scholarship to Easton Academy and she’s all too happy to get out of the house that’s given her so much heartache. And when she comes across the elite students of the school, she realizes that she’d do anything to be in the same group as those girls. 

Along comes the popular boy of the Academy and Reed’s life becomes a juggle of studies, friends, romance and popularity. When secrets starts revealing themselves one after the other, Reed realizes that Easton Academy is not what she expected it to be. 

It’s been a while since I read a book featuring an academy, but I must say I enjoyed myself and if you’ve been living under a rock and not read this book till now, like me, then I do recommend you go and check it out because once in a while you do enjoy an easy read when you feel like being a little laidback. 

Animal Families by Lorrie Mack

I read this book for the reading challenge I’m participating in, which is known as Pick Your Poison Reading Challenge. In fact, all the books I plan on reading this year are for this challenge mainly, and one of the prompts of the challenge was to read a book about animal families; so here we are, reading this book. 

This book is all about animal families and how just like human families, the animal families care for their young and play with each other. It’s a children’s book and I finished it in like ten minutes, but it was for the reading challenge and I’m glad I was able to fulfill the prompt and be one step closer to completing the challenge. 

Neverfall by Brodi Ashton

This is a novella following Cole’s perspective from the time he meets Nikki to everything he experiences because he refuses to accept his feelings for her. I would say this is book 1.5 in the series by Brodi Ashton and it gives us a nice perspective on Cole and how he felt about Nikki. 

All in all, I really enjoyed this book. It was short and interesting. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to reading the remaining books in the series. Yes, Cole is selfish and evil but his feelings for Nikki are genuine much to his surprise. But I’ll only know how the series unfolds once I read the remaining books in the series. 

Unveiled by A. D. Trosper

This is book 1 of the Raven Daughter series and was one of my most anticipated reads. Like this book was released some time ago but I hadn’t gotten the chance to read it until now and let me tell you guys, I was really excited to read this book and had high expectations from it. Perhaps it was because of the gorgeous cover—scratch that, it was because of the pretty cover that I was expecting this book to blow my mind and become a new favorite. However, it did not reach my expectations. 

Our main characters include Jo, who’s a reaper, though she didn’t want to be one, but became one regardless and a half-demon who just so happens to be the reapers’ enemy. But when things start going south and souls start becoming Lost, the two sides have no option but to work together to find out who’s responsible for the souls becoming Lost. 

I did not expect this book to be so… boring. I did not like the world, which appeared to be too Sci-Fi-ish and I was not expecting that from a story about angels and demons. And then we have the main character. I’m personally not a fan of characters who’re just too perfect, and that’s exactly how Jo was. Like she’s mature, she’s also super powerful—okay that is to be expected from a YA novel but it still irks me—and not to mention that she’s responsible for saving the world—which is also to be expected from a YA novel, but still…

Anyways, I had high expectations from this novel and it didn’t meet the mark. However, I will be reading the second book in the series and maybe things will become more interesting. 

Relish by Lucy Knisley

This is a really delicious graphic novel about food and funny stories. There’s a recipe given at the end of each chapter which you can try out. I was definitely inspired to recreate the recipes given and I’m someone who never cooks. 

The author writes about her journey with food and how she grew up with food being such an integral part of her life. Not to mention the cute and funny life stories she throws in which makes this an interesting and easy read. 

I enjoyed this book and found myself quickly finishing it. This was a nice, laidback graphic novel which really gives you a beautiful glimpse of the author’s life. Do give this a shot if you’re looking something related to food other than a cookbook. 

Glitches by Marissa Meyer

This is book 0.5 of The Lunar Chronicles series which is about Cinder and how she came to live with her new family. It’s a novella which gives us a flash of the inception of the world created by Marissa Meyer.

After reading this book, I couldn’t help the heaviness in my heart. The way Cinder’s adopted mother treats her and the way her adopted father contracts the virus, it not only hits a little too close to home—considering the pandemic we’re living in—but my heart goes out to Cinder and it makes me wish that I could help her somehow. 

Though you don’t have to read this before you read the other books in the series, it does tell you how it all started and why Cinder was the way she was. 

I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman by Nora Ephron

If you need a fun, lighthearted, slice of life kind of a book, then you should definitely give this book a shot. This book is so relatable and doesn’t fail to make you laugh. It is pure, raw and allows you to accept the changes of life. 

The author talks about her life in this book and the reasons behind the decisions she made in life. From choosing her apartment to the kind of bag she buys, she’s given details about her life that you cannot help but appreciate the author for writing such a book. I’m really glad I stumbled upon this book and I highly recommend it. 

Capture by Melissa Darnell

This is book 4 in The Clann series by Melissa Darnell and this follows a completely new set of characters instead of Tristan and Savannah which were the protagonists of the previous three books. 

Tarah and Hayden used to be the best of friends but due to misunderstandings drifted apart. Now, once again destiny forces them to work together and allows them to finally accept their feelings for one another as the world around them threatens to destroy everything they hold dear. 

When I read book 3 in the series, I thought that was the end until one day I was scrolling through Goodreads and came across this book which was labeled as book 4 in the series. So me being the completionist that I am, I had to read it. 

I enjoyed the writing and the way the events unfolded. However, I felt the ending was a little rushed. I don��t know if there will be more books in the series or not, but the ending of this book made me think that there will be more books coming as a lot of things were left unresolved. I just can’t imagine the members of the outcast to be living in hiding forever and the world leaders not knowing where they’re hiding. Let’s see what the author’s plans are for this series, but I did enjoy this book and do recommend the series. 

Legend by Katy Evans

This is book 6 in the Real series by Katy Evans and just like the rest of the books in the series, this book is one hell of a drool-worthy ride. The story follows Maverick who’s main goal is to defeat Remy aka Riptide and Reese who happens to be Brooke’s cousin. One encounter in the gym has sparks flying between the two. Neither of them can fight their attraction for the other but by belonging to different worlds, their happily ever after stands with a big question mark. 

Katy Evans is an expert at writing drool-worthy heroes and she hasn’t failed this time either. Remy was a dream but Maverick is no less. The way he falls for Reese and the way he’s so possessive of her is the reason why I’m still single. I highly recommend this book to everyone who wants a dreamy book boyfriend to fantasize about. 

So this is what I read in the month of February. Let me know if you’ve read any of these books or are planning to read any of these. Also, do let me know what you read and what was your favorite book of the month. 

[dreambook06]

Dream from: February 15, 2015

God dang dreams. The heck... why do you do this to me? okay so here is my dream. It's 8:16 am in the morning, Monday, no school. I just woke up. The whole time, this dream felt like a strange real life, Sorry about handwriting, tired. ok here we go because I'm already starting to forget what happened. So basically, I got out/appeared in some random field thing with mountains in the near distance, and there was a small-ish school. It looked like a thrift shop on outside. kind of and it was red. ok so then I went inside/it cutscened to me being inside. And I don't remember what happened then, as this was or must've taken place early on in my slumber... But.. oh yeah apparently I was a boy basically like Malcolm from malcolm in the middle and I was getting... no wait I got framed or something... I was reported by someone that I was in the back of a limo drinking beer or something and throughout this part of the dream it's just me trying to prove I'm innocent. Later on, now me in more real life form - so apparently there's going to be an indoor school carnival or fair thing tomorrow which is irrelevant as I ended up not going but I remember it for some reason... then this is kinda out of order and skipping around but ok: So we (random school people) were in a room (gymnasium?) and there's a huge window in front of where we're standing being lectured or something and then Santa flies past the window and I shout "Santa" loudly. I feel embarassed but I remember my "thing to live by #2 + #1" and soon Santa flies closer to the window and everyone shouts "santa!" so yeah wtf. There was also something about stars at night but I forgot (oh btw 2 nights ago I stargazed again, finally. pretty cloudy. I got a few tears but not much) so later... dang I remember a lot of things but they're too obscure to really remember and soon fade from my mind shoot! Remember - not quite in order!

ok so I guess I decided to go swimming wtf in a locker room pool & it was a small pool like 50 ft deep and oh yeah back up - first I was "spawned" in the next scene already deep underwater in a different pool as I struggled to get up. I think I was in the form of a jellyfish. weird & too blurry from my memory... I remember chucking a jellyfish back down once I reached the surface though. wat. Anyway, so I was at the edge of a pool oh yeah and naked for some reason (maybe it was supposed to be a bath, idk) and I just stood there throwing this pink blob (toy or creature? idk) thing which was squishy into the water, watching it sink and then resurface, springing out of the water, repeat. Few more times then on last time I didn't throw it down hard enough so it resurfaced slowly and didn't pop up so I couldn't reach it and left. Then walking out of the door (oh yea the pools were all in a row like rr stalls.) I didn't have clothes so I used my hands as best as possible. Idk where my clothes went wtf. So I was struggling. There was a person to my left and door leaving the room was open with people walking by in the hallway. A guy comes out too, same thing happened to him, so we're panicing, everywhere we look a person so we run, covering up, Trying to hide or something idk but we're just running down the way, then down to an arcade, I guess it is? Idk bg details. well we pass by Kerstin rae Kelly and she's like "cosette!" as I use the boy's body to cover myself up lol it was freaking weird and felt real... I really didn't want to go onto detail here let me just say I used him to cover up my backside well anyway then we hide underneath a blanket on the ground. There was a "game" under the blanket with animal pic on it and a number next to the animal... So the boy was like pick an animal to represent yourself" I picked a monkey and said because I'm ugly. He said lower numbers = cuter animals and the gibbon monkey thing had a 40. so I picked a lion which was a 300. wtf? So later I was just like "Whatever I can't take it anymore!" and left the hiding spot running super fast out a back door around the school house. I couldn't find my way back to the entry because of the growth everywhere and it looked the same everywhere you turn. ok.

Then cutscene. idk the rest oh yeah, and the boy then chased me (or I think so (I never saw him only heard him) so idk) up the stairs, now apparently a pag and shouted something at me, a pig pun using the word "hog" so wtf ok. Later on... more reality here, and this felt super real. The time of day jumps around a bit but this is the stuff I remember most... but forgetting as we speak so I have to hurry up!!! Now all these characters are from real life but entire school is way different. So... This involves Ms. Kral. I don't remember very beginning of this segment, but I was already in a sad mood because next year, Ms. Kral wasn't going to be my teacher. So hours later I was supposed to go to history class I guess, but apparently Ms. Kral was supposed to be teaching it and I opened the door, late, and take a nearby seat and there's a man in there yelling at Ms. Kral about not doing a good job with her students, some of which were Dominic, Peyton... etc. So he's saying stuff like "This place is worse than a prison cell" "You have our students in a prison!" "What Is wrong with you?" etc. Something about firing her n stuff. Mrs. Gordon is bending town taking to a student & glaring angrily at Mrs. Kral. Ms. Kral has little tears in her eyes. I could tell cause I was seated to the left of where she was standing. So the man (who looked like, or was, this sped teacher who works across the hall from her in real life) and he was just saying a ton of things, really well worded, and it was a yelling volume but the way he said them was under control.

then Ms. Kral just made a straight face and waited for him to finish then angrily tried to defend herself which came out all clumsy and she stumbled over her words and took a step towards him (nothing like real Mrs. Kral, who always has great and well-worded responces and comebacks) So guy got angry and quickened her "removal from students going into 10th grade" for 2 days. Weird punishment but: Dream logic. So later... I don't remember ok quickly back up: When the guy is insulting Kral he insults her brother, whose last name is "line", I think, and that's what caused the little tears. She quietly whispered his name, in a prayer-like manner because he's dead. she had his name written on the inside of her book bag she carries around. "line" wtf. Anyway so later on we're crying, back in her classroom. Or maybe that came later. first I think there was this guy who gave me a poster with Drago from Bakugan on it & I said "wow thanks!" Then wade from real life walks by And the guy gives this sphere thing to wade who was gone so the guy asks me to deliver it to him and I eventually give it to him. I make it to Ms. Kral's room and she's giving wade this space suit made of bones or something so he can float around easier wtf because he has trouble walking, which oddly enough is a recurring object from another dream.

Later... Memory dwindling shoot. Well during lunch I'm somewhere crying and somehow the time goes to 8:00 and I go to Ms Kral's room which looks like a living room and Brian is on the couch and I feel so sad that tomorrow she won't be my teacher (apparently she was my teacher 7 hours a schoolday, unlike real life) and I was so upset, I acted as if she was dying or something and I treated her like she was my own mother. It was just way different in the dream... memory fading... (it's 9:26 morning) well this goes on for a long time, this sorrow & pain feeling, and in real life I slightly come out of the dream and tears are on my eyes, I feel a tear form... back in the dream mode: There is way more to the Ms. Kral scenes than this btw, I just don't remember. So she's trying to comfort her student, telling them (including me) the'll be alright. I'm sobbing. She was the best, kindest, most interesting teacher in the school. We were only being relocated across the hall but it seemed like a big deal. So next morning, early, some ppl and I go into the new room and stuff and apparently there's 1 more day until it officially starts. so I sit down sad. my head just loses senses... idk.. Teacher at chalk board, I don't like him. Btw past night Brian and I just ended up sleeping the night on that couch w/ ms. kral and next morning when we woke, she was crying a lot and there were smashed ceramics and stuff on the floor... she was upset. So anyway, then later ms. kral was at the table with me/us and we were just talking about stuff. she was trying to reassure us it'd be okay. She stayed there for a long time.

Later this girl sitting behind me was looking at a calender or multiplication table and said "I have been counting numbers for hours" or "I can count for hours" and Ms. Kral and dominic were just like... They just accepted the challenge of counting nonstop. Next morning I came back (even tho it was the same day) & Ms. Kral was still siting there counting. I was like "have you been counting all night?" wtf. So later she's helping a student with HW and a book is open and she says "That's the tyrannosaurus constellation" and it's a picture of a carnotaurus. wtf.... then later she must leave back to her own class room  & crying ensued (Dik where the heck the other teacher went. And when she leaves I'm just like on the floor crying on the corner, lifeless, just lying.... Teacher comes back a kid took my spot so I had to sit in front of this big mirror in the room. I was wearing my black jacket. I cross my arms put my head down and sob.... There was way more to the scene than this... but like I said forgetting by the seconds! ugh. Like we had these weird hall pass things or something or he put a lock on our electronics when we asked to go to the BR so we couldn't use them- oh wait that happened the next day. Lots of other things happened when Kral was in the classroom, but all I can really remember was the crying. so next day I'm late and I thought tone was gonna sound any min. so I like slid into the classroom, running in weightless leaps down the hall, I smash the door open, crashing into it, I jump into a chair which apparently is on wheels so I end up slowly spinning around on the chair and moving... It keeps going... I just freeze. I get a look around the classroom while spinning in same position. Everyone is just silent, the teacher has stopped lecturing.

You'd think it'd stop spinning by now. wtf so I end up getting off it and sulk awkwardly to the chair in the farthest back. all eyes on me. The room is packed for some reason, like 40+ students. Haley's there and sitting in the front. The teacher says "That's not your spot" I move over more to a seat with 2 shoes on it (wtf) He says it's taken so I move a spot to the left which only has 1 show on it and sit. My vision is blurry and I don't care about anything. I feel so sad I miss miss kral... And then I wake up. Real life. My cheeks are wet and my eyes are all teary. I remembered reality... dumb old classroom, I only see Kral 1.5 hours a day, but reality... at the end of this year, Kral will never be my teacher again realisation of that fact kicks in and more tears emerge. And here I am. Sorry that dragged on fro so long. It was way different in the actual dream and more dramatic/emotional. It must've been, because I got real life tears!!! I should just start a dream journal I've been having insane dreams lately and have my whole life. I should at least draw the locations & scenes out, sketch then as best as possible. Yes that is what I'll do. okay. the sketching part at least. ok it is 10:00 my wrist hurts!!!