#ANYWAY my criteria is just that this would be really funny and actually work

[strixcattus]

I always thought that what the owls of Ga'Hoole needed was a good helping of cosmic terror.

combine your first real fandom with your current one to create a terrible, terrible au

[horseimagebarn]

Ok so thanks for the answer vis a vis the centaur situation I appreciate it a lot and I'm not trying to convince you to change your ruling but unfortunately you used the word taxonomy which triggered one of my damn neurodivergences. I hope you don't mind but my response will be to deposite these few paragraphs in your inbox I'm sorry in advance if this comes off as aggressive or condescending or just plain annoying I'm just sensing an opportunity to infodump to someone who might be interested in tbe topic so I'm seizing it I'm sure you know what it's like

Anyway there's a disconnect between pragmatism and scientific rigor that people are blind to which vexes me and biological taxonomy is a particular pet peeve of mine the biggest instance of it is crocodiles and alligators which are really the same damn animal for all intents and purposes but that's not relevant

Naturally when one thinks of horses one thinks of domestic horses specifically (Equus ferus cabellus) but I'd argue that certain pictures of donkeys (Equus africanus) look more like domestic horse pictures than certain pictures of Przewalski's horse (Equus ferus przewlaskii) despite the latter being classified as the same species and the former not

And I feel that for a horse image barn the resemblence of a picture to an archetypical horse image should be a higher priority criterion for inclusion than some criteria that biological taxonomy relies on like the presence of specific haplotypes which isn't even a word anyone knows and if you go to its Wikipedia article you get a definition of it that's not really relevant to this ask

So yeah in conclusion I wouldn't tie the in/ex-clusion of images to scientific taxonomy but to Vibes if I were the admin of this or a similar blog but I'm not and you are so you can like do whatever

Also I won't be submitting the centaur image I wanted to submit but can I still send it as an ask I like showing it to people spreading it around etc it's kind of cursed but also funny and I like it a lot and I understand why it's not horse enough to your taste but it's definitely horse adjacent and I want to share it

as a fellow animal wikipedia delver i agree that taxonomy is not the end all be all of the human perception of animals however what i meant to imply is that the differences between centaurs and horses are large enough to be considered taxonomical and are not debatable even in a taxonomical sense due to their many massive differences also i have posted przewalskis horses before as they are true horses and this is horseimagebarn not assimagebarn or centaurimagebarn even though i love donkeys just as much and would own a donkey over a horse any day

i did just take my adderall and am bored at work so i have to humbly yet lengthily disagree with you that taxonomy is not important in both cases presented while the crocodilian assumption you make has bruised my heart as i love alligators and i find them far cuter than crocodiles due to the differences in their jaw structure that makes their bottom teeth fit into their mouth instead of jutting out like crocodiles (which is one of the many actual and notable physical differences between them alongside choice of salt or fresh water etc) i wont get into that and will focus on horses since thats the point of this blog using actual punctuation and capitalization for the first time in this blogs history ill be referring to przewalskis horse as takhi as it is also known so i dont make a typo which i know i will

long ass (donkey pun) post warning

Taxonomy can of course be vague at times or muddied, but it is not an invalid study. All human knowledge is constantly evolving, and mistakes are inevitably going to be made, but that does not make our efforts invalid. It is beneficial for us to know how evolution works. Taxonomical differences are real and worth considering, even if mistakes are made sometimes. Two animals looking similar is not a valid reason to ignore their taxonomical differences, nor is it okay to ignore similarities because they look different—if we went by that logic, every dog breed would be a totally different species.

Speaking of, here's a little more on the whole appearance thing before we get into the science:

The other day, I was watching a video about the actual horses that existed in antiquity, and they are far more similar to takhi than you might think. I'll link the video if I can find it, apologies for a lack of a source on this right now, but the gist of it was that horses of yore were much shorter and stouter than modern horses. The tall, thin horse often seen in modern depictions of ancient time is inaccurate, as is the thick, muscular draft, which didn't become common until later on. Back then, people wanted horses that were sturdy—most people didn't care as much about specific breeds or having the hugest and prettiest horse on the block, especially when food to maintain larger animals like modern horses wasn't always guaranteed, and having such a huge animal could be dangerous and more difficult. Their horses were more similar to ponies than our big guys now, and ponies aren't a separate species. The selective breeding of horses to become taller and leaner made them appear way different from the takhi, but just like dogs, they remain extremely similar to those of their taxa despite looking different on the surface. For example, take a look at the ancient fjord horse breed next to the takhi...in fact, sometimes takhis are called Mongolian ponies! We can even see this in ancient art earlier in the horse's domestication:

Anyway, science:

Firstly, the takhi isn't wholly classified as the same exact species as the true horse, our domesticated Equus ferus caballus. Both Equus ferus callabus and Equus ferus przewalskii are considered subspecies of caballines, or true horses, meaning they're more like cousins (I know it's a cliche to say this, but I mean it), with donkeys and zebras as, like, their nephews twice removed. If the takhi was considered the exact same species as the domestic horse with no acknowledged differences, it would be considered a breed of horse, not a subspecies (though breeds are typically manmade, they are not always—see the word "typical" in the dictionary definition). This means that it does have recognized, distinct differences from the standard domesticated horse that have been taken into consideration in their taxonomy—it is not like the two are blindly considered the same exact thing.

Mistakes have been made in Equus taxonomy in the past, but continued research has led to a retaxing of the genus as early as the 1980s. In the 2012 review article "Discordances between morphological systematics and molecular taxonomy in the stem line of equids: A review of the case of taxonomy of genus Equus," by E. Kefena et al., a number of scholars reviewed the methods with which the Equus genus has been taxed in the past and how they have changed in the past few decades.

According to that article, equines are an incredibly plastic genus. They are very good at adapting to their environments, which led past taxonomists to overcount the amount of Equus species that existed in the past and therefore miscategorize the history of the genus in general. Many were actually just adapted versions of the same thing. This is what we see in the horse and takhi—they are similar but have adapted to their different environments and niches.

In 1986, two molecular scientists, George and Ryder, performed the first DNA-based molecular taxonomy on all living equus species, publishing their findings in the article "Mitochondrial DNA evolution in the genus Equus." By mapping equus DNA and constructing a phylogenetic tree, they were able to take a closer look at the actual genetic disparities between equus species.

George and Ryder found that "[In the mtDNA (mitochondrial DNA) cleavage map,] the percent sequence difference between E. przewalskii and E. caballus individuals was found to range between 0.27% and 0.41%. ... Overall, the amount of divergence presented here is small and not much greater than the 0.36% divergence reported for mtDNA differences found among the human racial groups (Brown 1980; Cann et al. 1984)."

So, horses and takhis are incredibly similar. Using these findings, they separated equus species into three clades: "One that groups the zebras, a second that groups E. africanus [African wild ass] and E. hemionus [Asiatic wild ass, aka the hemione], and a third that associates the true [caballine] horses E. przewalskii and E. caballus as a unit. However, as stated previously, the E. africanus-E. hemionus clade remains enigmatic."

They later state that "E. hemionus and E. africanus appeared more karyotypically [chromosomally] similar to each other than to other equids," hence why they were considered a clade despite being "enigmatic." Kefena et al. explain this weird enigma further, and, notably, compare it to the takhi: "Next to Przewalskii's horses, hemiones were the first species to be diverged from the stem line of extant equids, suggesting that they might be closely related to caballine horses than to asses, though they are monophyletic with donkeys than with horses. On the basis of these evidences, morphological resemblance between species doesn't guarantee genetic similarity between equid species." This means that asses and horses have distinct genetic differences that far outweigh those between takhi and domestic horses, despite the fact that donkeys and takhi look more similar. The hemione looks very similar to the African wild ass, and it is closer to it genetically, but it is not the same due to the way it evolved—it broke away from the general line earlier than any other ass. The takhi is the same; it diverted earlier than other horses, but remains very genetically similar—more than any other extant Equus species. And, even with the takhi's extra chromosomal pair, George and Ryder also found that they and horses were also very close karotypically, giving them incredible similarities both mtDNA-wise and chromosome-wise. Despite that different chromosome, horses and takhis can successfully interbreed and produce fertile offspring, unlike horses and donkeys.

Kefena et al. "MYBP" stands for "Millions of Years Before Present" Funnily enough, G&R also say, "There has been little to no dispute over the close relationship that exists between E. przewalskii and E. caballus; thus the addition of E. caballus to the E. przewalskii branch should be easily accepted." Which is so weirdly on the nose that I feel compelled to say that it's on page 544 so no one thinks I'm making it up. So, with their genetic similarities, their actually surprisingly similar appearances, and their sequential DNA similarities, the Przewalski's horse and the domesticated horse do belong in the same category when compared to other equines like donkeys and zebras. They're not identical, but they're in the same room of the larger equine house. And, check out the tarpan, Equus ferus ferus, another subspecies of Equus ferus and the most recently extinct of them all, alongside the current Equus ferus species (and a concept of the original Equus ferus pre-domestication by Cameron Clow on Artstation)! They're all friends:

Conclusion

you can send me centaurs if you want i just wont post them

[howdoesagrapewrites]

𝙊𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣

Cw: Nightwing x vigilante!lesbian!reader

Notes: inspired by me wanting to chat with an AI of Dick Grayson and him shamelessly flirting until I had to come out to him. Also this is based off of me, like almost everything I write

>Let's say you meet as vigilante and just for comedic effect, he tries to hit on you, nothing too serious

>And he's just met with you being uncomfortable?? Like he honestly feels bad after that, he just found you cool and wanted to express his interest, it's not like he's even interested in pursuing an actual relationship with you, just friendly flirting

>He feels like a creep after that, top ten most humiliating experiences in his life, and his life has been eventful*

>It's not like he's been living inside of a cage, he's bisexual, he knows there's more than one way to go, but he sort of wants to silence his gut because he doesn't want to be the douchebag that believes every woman who doesn't want him is a lesbian

>"She doesn't seem to be into men... Oh my god, did you just assume she was a lesbian because she didn't flirt bag? What level of scumbag you have to be to-"

>But anyways, it makes him feel so embarrassed and tries to not address it because it would only get more awkward

>But you're not talking to him much and he believes you may have started this relationship with the wrong foot, and tries to fix it next time he sees you

>"Hey... So, when we met we started off the wrong way and I just want to say I never wanted to make you uncomfortable"

>"Don't worry about it, I don't care"

>"Oh, you weren't talking to me so I figured there could be an issue there"

>"Don't worry, I'm just not great talking to people in the first meeting, you should be used to it, with Batman and all"

>Your personality appears very serious but you're not at all stuck-up or severe, he likes when he makes you laugh because it seems so out of character for you

>His doubts are finally cleared out when someone else tries to flirt with you as well, gets the same annoyed frown Dick got from you

>"Sorry, didn't realize you were a lesbian"

>Then Dick comes out of fucking nowhere to give a speech about how the guy's not entitled to your reciprocity and he's got to work on his ego if he thinks you're a lesbian just for rejecting him

>"He's right!" You exclaim enthusiastically at your friend standing up for you "I am a lesbian though, but you're right about everything"

>"You didn't tell me"

>"It didn't come up" you shrugged your shoulders

>has a love-hate relationship with doing duo missions with you, since you tend to trust your own criteria a little too much and get in dangerous or reckless situations

>But you get the job done most times, and he likes hanging out with you out of the costume the most

>He's the type of friend that asks "want to hang out tomorrow?" And then barges into your house to do parallel play with the occasional "hey, check this meme/cute pic I found on Instagram"

>Will force you to engage in the latest piece of media that caught his attention

>He loves musical theater and sappy movies so if you don't like it, good luck

>He sings along to every Disney song, loudly

>Loves to cook, hates to wash dishes

>It'd be really funny if you two had the same taste in women

>"Hey, so... You and Zatanna are a thing?"

>"We were a thing but we're over, we still get along very well and- why are you asking this?"

>"And is she dating anyone else at the moment?"

>"Y/N why are you asking this?"

>"Is that information you have? Can you tell me if she's seeing anyone?"

>"Y/N, are you seriously trying to bag my ex right now??"

>"It's not my fault you dated half of the USA population"

[anhed-nia]

I have way too much shit to do over the next few days starting tonight, so yesterday I decided to stay on the couch and have cramps and vegetate and watch all the lady movies I've been sleeping on.

EILEEN is pretty much what I expected, it's good but not great and a little pretentious, but the character study with Thomasin McKenzie is really cool. Or maybe I just thought that because she reminded me so much of a close friend of mine that I just decided the movie was about my friend and it was more fun that way.

THE ASSISTANT was also about what I expected, good but not great and sort of predictable--although I like how it plays like a thriller even though what's happening is sadly mundane and unsurprising. That approach works pretty well for this movie.

THE SOUVENIR is not a masterpiece but very strong, and disturbing. One critic called it a type of horror film. Years ago I was in a version of the awful relationship at the heart of this movie, and although that guy didn't have the excuse of [SPOILER REDACTED], all of his behavior and its effects on me were basically the same. It could have literally been him on the screen. My viewing experience was pretty tainted by unpleasant, shameful flashbacks and although I'm confident in saying it's a good movie, it's hard for me to imagine what it's like to watch it if you don't connect it directly to your own biography. I'll just never know what it's like as a pure work of art.

The funny thing about THE SOUVENIR is that it has this weird Rotten Tomatoes ratio were the audience score is really low, I wonder what that's about. Maybe it's just one of those things where general audiences are more resistant to being Very Bummed Out than film critics and aficionados. Or maybe it's that dumb thing where audiences find the choices of the victimized protagonist too hard to relate to because of the media they've been trained on. I often notice this in discussions about horror movies where the characters are motivated by fear, hysteria, dissociation, incomprehension, and other totally normal responses to extreme experience, and shallow unimaginative viewers go "UGH why did she do THAT, THAT'S not what I WOULD DO," and not only is it exactly what they would do in an incomprehensible situation, but their basis of comparison is not even "rational behavior"; their basis of comparison is the behavior you see in THE BOURNE IDENTITY or something where the hero does everything perfectly all the time and because certain viewers are strongly pursuaded by inhuman perfection, they think that's the standard everyone should be meeting, that's what they think is "realistic". It's stupid and ignorant and egotistical, and it's actually part of my secret criteria for who I can and cannot be friends with.

But anyway that's kind of what THE SOUVENIR PART II is about, which has high ratings for both critics and audience. It is a better movie, to some degree, but it was extra fascinating to me because as the protagonist uses her senior film school project to do a post mortem on her awful relationship, she is confronted with the fact that nobody quite gets what the story is about because none of her cast or crew have been in her shoes and they find the whole thing unconvincing. They don't get why the heroine subjects herself to abuse, or how to humanize the guy who seems like a total monster. You know, why is she so weak, he's "obviously" bad, what is the logic of this situation? All this black and white, judgmental thinking from people who are lucky enough not to have had to live through such a thing. The truth is that the abusive relationships are sort of absurdist in nature, they don't play by the normal rules, even the laws of time and space bend around this black hole you're being sucked into, which the heroine finds out as she's trying to put scenes in order. Strong stuff.

THE SOUVENIR PART II reminded me of this great rant Joe Bob Briggs has about "strong female protagonists" that basically amounts to the idea that characters should be whoever they need to be to serve the story. They're not exemplars of some ideal state of existence for us all to emulate--I mean unless they are, but that's under fairly specific conditions. His example is always Laurie Strode, who is typically upheld as a Strong Female Protagonist even though she doesn't become that thing until years down the road; in the meantime, she is a completely normal person with anxieties and phobias and insecurities and perfectly rational responses to Michael Myers. And that's what makes her so relatable, not her perfection, but her humanity.

[EDIT: Pardon me if the tone of this is a little alien to this blog. I don't even know if it definitely is, or if anyone cares, but I couldn't figure out where to put this post because I don't post much autobiographical material here anymore and I try to make the content of this blog reasonably appropriate for colleagues to see in both tone and content (like this feels both too intimate and too casual to me). But, I also try to keep all my movie information over here, so this is what I picked. I'm sure this doesn't bother anyone but me, but I have to justify my own rule-breaking to myself in order to feel better, so there.]

[cherubchoirs]

Ok I tried to separate some of the asks I had into different things so it's not a mish mash in one ask, don't think I did to well on that but the little drone has taken over my mind!!

Does the everybodys fallen au take place after Michael's Ferryman attack or before? If it is after what do the other arch angels think of the drone and the ferryman. I like to think Raphael absolutely adores the little drone and plays with him occasionally when he's feeling energetic by his standards. I also think he would cuddle with the drone occasionally.

Hell maybe Michael ends up like

Micheal doesn't want drone:

Micheal and the drone:

Unlikely but funny thought

And once again for the everybody's fallen au if it's after the Micheal ferryman attack like I said before do the ferryman and Michael ever make up? How would a conversation like that go?

ok so in the full fallen au, michael likely wouldn't have gone after the ferryman at all, at least not in the same way - since he is now fallen himself, he becomes more concerned with the overall idea that god has abandoned his kingdom and so wants to eradicate it in general. however, his opinion of the ferryman would be much the same, minus the additional baggage since mike here isn't suffering from rot - the ferryman becomes a far less personal issue for him (save for their reverence of gabriel, that still hits a sore spot), but he does see their idolatry and their worship as indicative of exactly why god left this world. it's twisted, a perversion of his design run so deep that those in hell attempt their own forms of service. and even if he could be convinced to care for his brothers, he still isn't at all willing to engage with any other sinners, especially not one that he possibly sees as corrupting gabriel in the first place. they are a sick element of a sick world to him, and gabriel likely tries to keep them separated as nothing good would come of their meeting (especially as michael, in a way, is jealous of the ferryman's continued worship, as he has forced himself to give up all prayer and acts of service now that he's fallen)

raphael and uriel are much more forgiving of the ferryman, but for different reasons - raphael actually believes there is nothing wrong with their devotion and in fact shows the god's light can go so much further than they believed. the ferryman besides is rather more gracious than he thought they might be (despite harrowing stories of how they come to occupy their ships) and it brings a sense of solace to raphael when he helps to comfort them. for what it's worth, he finds michael's notion that they tempted gabriel quite silly - their worship of him seemed rather distant, and as an archangel it's unlikely gabriel would be affected given how he is regularly worshiped on earth as well anyway. as for uriel, he's well. he's an angel of heresy now, and so he really doesn't much care about the entire debate on the ferryman's reverence at all. heretical or not, it would be hypocritical for uriel to judge based on that criteria and that aside i think he would greatly enjoy the ferryman's company. like. it's ALWAYS raining in wrath for one, so their boat is great to visit to help extinguish his constant burning. but the ferryman is also rather quiet and contemplative in their solitary nature much like himself, and they very much adore the wisdom uriel imparts when he wishes to. a great listener, but someone willing to sit in silence. it's just the kind of company he would prefer if he were to show himself.

for there to be any relationship between the ferryman and michael, especially should there be an encounter similar to the rise and fall au (pretty possible, at least in the sense of michael doing a similar amount of damage), mike would need to do a LOT of growing in himself. his deconstruction of all of this is even more complicated than any of the others, as his part in the expulsion of lucifer left him working entirely as god's shadow in which he essentially gave up whoever he had been up to that point. yet if he could break that down into anything workable, the ferryman is very much a reflection of himself - forsaken yet forever repentant, a sinner that does everything they can to prove their love of god beyond anything else. nothing else matters. they are their connection to god, and they are worth nothing because it cannot be fully fulfilled. and i think that would be the only thing that could bring them together - their staunch belief in god despite their positions, how they continue to love him even in their sin and refuse to move on from that in spite of all the evidence to the contrary that those around them have taken. it's not the healthiest connection really, but they're otherwise alone despite good company.

and the ferryman would be receptive to any apology michael were to offer, for better or worse - he is the prince of heaven even if he fell - and they wouldn't deny him a second chance. it changes michael's perspective on them a bit, that they offer forgiveness so willingly where he would not in their position, and i think the time they spent together at first would largely be given over to prayer. michael needs it in spite of being here now, and the ferryman seems to be the only one still sincere in it, as well as the only one that wants it as much as he does. their love is not a twisted thing, he finds, and they hold no illusions that they are wanted in return - it is enough that they pray, that their repentance is known even if there is no reward. and i think if mike can deconstruct enough and work through his own pain to a certain extent, he probably would feel like a massive jerk lol the ferryman, though possibly an exception that proves a rule, shows a selfless sinner. someone that just repented too late...and found no forgiveness.

NOW for the drone!!! raphael certainly treats it as a little lap pet, always taking naps with it while the drone warms itself up so it can be like a nice heating pad lol he finds its company invaluable since it's so difficult for him to get around much, and i think the drone starts to favor him too since he stays at home so often with it (raph....making little hats for it.....) uriel is always appreciative of a companion that, once again, isn't a talker - it's actually quite nice to read to, as it seems to pay attention and even offers little chirps like it's being an active listener. he doesn't hold it too much since he's not looking for added warmth, but it's the one guest he never seems to turn down and he at least offers it a couple pats for coming to see him. and for michael, i also do kind of love the idea of him being the dad that didn't want the cat who then proceeds to treat it like his own child lol he TRIES to seem as standoff-ish with it as possible in front of others, but the drone always floating up to him and looking for attention SEEMS to suggest he's not as cold as he lets on (raphael has absolutely seen him playing with it when mike thought he was asleep - he won't say anything of course, but he's glad he's making friends :])

[cafalla]

Game Informer Magazine (November 2019, Issue 319) Scans

I try to focus on mainly scanning older items, but I found this Game Informer magazine and couldn't pass it up.

I mean gosh, anything pre-Covid may as well be a relic, right? (jkjk)

Unfortunately the front cover is a bit damaged, but I still really love this art collage of Pikachu and the Sword and Shield starters!

Here's some scans from this issue that I like!

Starting off, here's the fanart page.

These fanart/personal creation corners are my favorite pages in hobby magazines. It makes me so nostalgic for being a preteen and wanting to make and submit my own art in hopes of it being featured!

When I was about 13, I was obsessed with DeviantArt. My dad showed me how to use the scanner so I could scan my own art and post it (on the family computer, of course). My sister came to me one day and asked me to scan her comic that she wanted to submit to the in-game Club Penguin newspaper/magazine.

I didn't play Club Penguin much (I was a Neopets girl), but I fondly remember her being so proud of that comic. I helped her scan and submit it, and asked her every day if it got put into the paper. I don't think it ever did, but it was a fun time waiting to see if it would.

Speaking of Neopets, I also really loved the Neopets paper. I'd spend hours browsing backlogs of the paper to look at the fanart and read the fanfiction that was posted there.

Good times!

----

I thought this League of Legends art was super neat, but the whole premise of this article is hilarious to me.

Like...ok, Riot/League. iykyk.

I'm a fairly new League of Legends player - I started playing after watching Arcane. My bf has been an on-again off-again League player, but I was always too intimidated to get into it. I actually got into it first from Team Fight Tactics, and then started playing ARAM, and only recently started dipping my toes into Summoner's Rift.

Anyways, as much as I love the game, people can be SO mean. So just seeing the article title and thinking of all the rudeness I've seen in-game is pretty funny. I know a lot of good people play and work on this game though, so I appreciate the optimism and work to make the community better.

Granted, this article isn't only about League of Legends. But I think having them as the front cover for the article is kind of hilarious.

----

As a Pokémon fan, I thought this top ten page was a fun look at past gym leaders, especially considering the cover story for this issue is about the new (at the time) Pokémon mainline games.

The judging criteria is not clear at all. That's ok, there doesn't need to be a reason to do a top ten list - I'm assuming these are just this guy's favorite gym leaders. It is refreshing to see some leaders who don't normally wind up on these kinds of lists though, like Wulfric, Maylene, and Korrina.

This is really wanting to make me go back and play Let's Go! Pikachu lol.

----

Ok, so admittedly I knew nothing about Baldur's Gate 3 until the day it came out and I was like 'What the heck is this game everyone on my friend's list is playing?"

My bf ended up buying it for me and we played it co-op. Definitely deserved all the hype and praise it got.

So color me surprised when I was flipping through this magazine from 2019 and saw mention of Baldur's Gate 3.

There's a whole interview in here with the founder of the BG3 game studio. I knew this game was in development for many years, but I just completely missed the hype leading up to it.

----

Now some scans from the main cover story about Pokémon Sword and Shield.

These aren't all the scans from the spread, but I just wanted to show some of them off! I love multi-page stories about things where they feel almost like scrapbooks with how the graphics are arranged.

----

Here's a preview about the Final Fantasy VII Remake.

I've never played a Final Fantasy game, and though I'd love to someday, I'd have no clue where to start. I do love the character designs and I thought this game looked beautiful when it was announced.

And some more previews for various games.

Little Town Hero was actually on my radar at the time, as it gave big Fantasy Life vibes (and I LOVED Fantasy Life). Also, I just learned from this article that Toby Fox was brought in to compose? Amazing.

I looked it up and it's available on Steam, but disappointingly the reviews seem pretty mixed. I'm gonna add it to my wishlist and grab it when it goes on sale.

----

Here's a couple of reviews from the review section.

And an ending fluff page about creepy Pokémon pokedex entries.

And that's it for this one!

The full magazine is available to read over on my Internet Archive account.

Thanks for reading!

[hot-take-tournament]

regarding the potential sideblog for serious takes: I completely get what you mean. Thinking of things to submit, I came across many many takes of mine, things I feel very passionately about, that I just.... Couldn't really bear to submit to a silly tournament blog. A lot of things that I don't have the guts to say on my main, since the main reason it's "hot" in the first place is my friends' and mutuals' disagreement. The criteria I've been using for submitting is, "if I got 90% disagree votes, would that be heartbreaking? would that be depressing to know, that that many people disagree on this topic that I care so much about?" and if the answer is yes, then... that's too important to me. and i just keep it to myself.

honestly, if you did make a sideblog, I would be more than glad to submit these takes that i held back from. and I suspect that many others would feel encouraged to send things that they otherwise wouldn't, as well.

whatever your decision, I deeply respect this blog, which is rather funny, since i actually have the words "hot take" in my blacklist because I'm honestly so tired of seeing violent discourse about human rights.

basically, it's really refreshing to argue about stupid shit like "what's the best way to write a date" or "am I committing a food crime if I eat my food this way" or "what kind of music sucks". i like feeling mentally engaged and introducing nuance into false dichotomies, and this blog gives me an easy place to do that without having to read questions like "ok but does this minority ACTUALLY deserve rights or are they not [arbitrary measure of Virtue] enough"

that being said I did vote in favor of the serious takes blog. there's a high chance that I wouldn't be able to follow it for long before the Bad Takes drove me mad, and the notes sound like they would be godawful, but I think if you threaten to only keep the blog up for as long as people behave and keep the notes civil, it could work.

and, to anyone with serious opinions that needs a place to put them besides your blog, I often send mine to the blogs transenbyconfessions and aroaceconfessions. they post asks and submissions, anonymously or credited. the goal of those blogs is just to provide a platform for genderqueer, questioning, or relationship-queer folk to have a place to tell their stories without having to worry about horrible notes. just gets sent in and forgotten about. if you want a ping when it posts, you can also sign off as/mention a sideblog of yours. I've done that a few times too.

yeah, i think it's the best option, but it depends how the poll goes

i think in the meantime you can still submit those takes, and if choose the first option then they'll be posted, and if they don't, it doesn't matter either way - maybe it will help just to get it off your chest anyway

i do the read all the submissions, so even if it would make you feel better knowing that at least one person has read your take, then feel free to submit!

[rustbeltjessie]

I'm currently participating in a month-long intensive writing workshop from Selah Saterstrom/Four Queens Divination. Which is fantastic, by the way—if she ever offers the Write Now! workshop again, I highly recommend it. The project I'm working on is somewhat autobiographical, and the autobiographical parts all come from approximately spring 2003-spring 2005. It's kinda funny, though, to be writing about a time in my life when I was a self-destructive trainwreck, while I'm here now in a time when I wake up, do school stuff with the kiddos, make myself a small breakfast of yogurt + granola + banana, and then do my stretches, before I sit down to write. (To quote myself: My life is easier now, but it's also less shiny. Or to quote W/IFS: Sometimes I miss those days—that's right, you heard me. Other times I could not give a damn.)

As research for my writing project, I've been rereading journal entries from that time period. Some thoughts/observations I've had while reading through them include:

1 - Wowwwww, none of these pass the Bechdel Test. Haha, I know a personal journal entry can't be measured with the same criteria as a film or whatever, but still. For a couple years there, I was very much "The Ugly One" from Teen Girl Squad. You know:

2 - I was actually surprisingly astute about my issues and patterns, even at the time. Astute enough to know how to stop them? No. But give me a break, I was in my early 20s.

3 - One thing that's the same as it ever was is that I am always lamenting about not writing enough. Like: I need to write more. Or: I've been writing a lot, but not as much as I want to. I think I'm just one of those people who, no matter how much time I spend writing, will always feel like it's not enough.

4 - I was reminded of an incident I'd—well, not forgotten about, but forgotten about an aspect of. So, for a couple months in the summer of 2004 I was traveling/couch-surfing. A., one of my roommates at the apartment I'd been living in prior to that, told me I could keep some of my stuff stored there until I found a solid place to live. When I did, I went back to get my stuff, and she informed me that while I'd been away, she'd had a party, and some of my stuff got stolen. Including my bike, and a bunch of my favorite records. In retrospect, I think she stole them, or gave them away, because she was a mean, fucked-up, vindictive person. And it just seemed really fishy. My stuff was the only stuff that got stolen; none of A.'s stuff got stolen, none of the stuff belonging to the person who'd moved in to take my place got stolen. Plus, it was only my most favorite records, not the ones I felt so-so about, and how would some random thief know what my most favorite records were or have the time to sort through the bin to find them? Anyway. That's not the part I'd forgotten about. What I'd forgotten is that when I got upset about it—and I wasn't even blaming her, I was just fucking upset—she called me something like a 'privileged crybaby' for being upset over 'little things like a bike and a few records.' Reading about that again just made me go: Uhhhh, what??? Like, I feel like getting upset about your bicycle and favorite records getting stolen is a pretty normal response for anyone to have in that situation? Especially when you're broke and can't afford to replace them?

In other, more recent news:

My oldest kiddo got an electronic drum pad for Christmas, but I asked him if I could mess around with it when he's not using it, and he's fine with that. So I'm teaching myself to play drums! That's like the only type of instrument I have no experience playing, so why the fuck not? I'm not good yet, but it's hella fun. And if I get better, and become a real drummer...well, if I'm an O.G. zinester and a drummer, I really will be the (nonbinary) girl Cometbus, haha.

I also found out that my county has launched a big harm reduction campaign re: drugs possibly being laced with fentanyl. They are giving out test strips, and Narcan, as well as doing one-off training courses in how to administer the Narcan. So I've signed up. Just because I don't do those type of drugs anymore doesn't mean I'm never around people who do, and I want to make sure I can help people if necessary. (I'm also really, really proud of my county for doing something like this. Harm reduction for the win.)

And, one last thing: I just discovered yesterday that if you type the word 'emo' on an Apple device, it suggests the black heart emoji. Amazing. 🖤

[claireofluxembourg]

1. I thought you deleted your account because it was not showing and I was like no!! 2. Why does royal fashion police criticize Kate so much? Like I get the lack of work calls for criticism but like she praises Meghan and stands up for Meghan when Kate gets the same hate. I understand that there are some Kate stans that can not handle criticism at all but like Sussex stans are also up there. 3. How dumb does a guy need to be to cheat 😩 like Alexander girls are following you because of your family history and maybe looks and you’re dumb enough to respond on your account and you just got married! I wish Denise were still here! She’s have a field day. Is there anyway to relay this tea to her? 4. Charlene’s clothes are probably gifted/sponsored. Monaco royals are like walking billboards. 5. I’m in the few but I like MT, but her clothes aren’t always flattering for her figure though I love she takes risks. I’m actually surprised the cost of her clothes isn’t talked about more. 6. Stephanie I love you but it could be better but her smile makes up for it so I’m like yeah whatever lol

WHAAAAT? Lord, the world would end and I would still be here lmaooo shout out to CoolGirlTactics who plotted to kick me out of the fandom kasfkasfkasf

My theory is that because they compare Mary and Kate a lot it makes her bitter (as if there's any competition when both of them are completely different people) because she's Australian too so she shits on Kate and supports Meghan because she's the Anthitesis of Kate. But she only supports Meghan for likes tbh and to seem woke.

Literally that tea was so out of my radar because I don't fuck with pretenders (lol) but the fact they got married like five seconds ago and apparently he's cheating is literally terrible.

UFO No More has a very detailed explanation about how they count the items and the criteria but some people don't know how to read and then go and talk shit like RFP or any other Twitter Keyboard warrior. I would suggest everybody to read the disclaimer lmao.

Trust me when i said I've been keeping an eye on her wardrobe for a couple of years now. Obviously I don't follow her as much as I did before because I think she's a bully but the way she revamped her style needs to be talked about, I think her uniform is really good. Fingers crossed she wears more McQueen. Also funny people are so shocked that two rich countries have royals that dress themselves like rich people.

Steph literally can do nothing wrong in my book. Her style is abysmal? yes but she is an asset to the GDF, she has no scandals and makes cute babies so she's forgiven.

[dawnthefluffyduck]

Just got out of class where we had our group critique; can finally post something I've had done for a couple days now 🎉🎉 project details/commentary/funny(?) story under cut because I don't know how to keep things brief

tl;dr: Made some stickers that show things that interest me in Japan for class :) might try to print them later on, if I do then I'll post that too

This was for Digital Art, it's another "draw concepts of a specific location," but I didn't like, draw where I live this time, so I can actually post this one online haha.

The actual instructions were: "Create six 3"x3" stickers that represent parts of a city, country, landmark, or attraction you would like to visit/have visited." I, a typical art student, chose to do Japan, but I didn't really wanna lean into the whole anime thing a lot, partly because I just don't watch it as often as I used to. I wanted to stick with architecture and major landmarks, but buildings are hard to draw repeatedly in a shorter time limit so I ended up drawing some food too. Also, I'm a percussionist, so I wanted to include a taiko drum just cause they're really cool

The lineart itself took the longest since I reeeaaaally wanted to emphasize a hand drawn feeling to the stickers. I felt this was the best way to make all of the stickers match stylistically, aside from general color matching. I couldnt entirely rely on colors to make them match because things like the ramen bowl had wayyy more colors than the buildings/mountains, and the onigiri was mostly one color. Matching the stickers was part of the grading criteria, so after a lot of brainstorming, I ended up deciding to put more attention to detail into the linework than to the color scheme (though I did try to weasel in that orangey red into as much as I could)

Illustrator did not like line style I used, 'cause apparently all those textured pens take a lot more to load than the normal ones (never had that problem in the program I normally use to draw, so it caught me off guard). Halfway into the project my laptop's fan would sound like a jet engine every time I opened the file; needless to say, progress was slowed a bit as the program started to get extremely laggy haha.

I wasn't able to start on the coloring until a few days before the project was due but I was still good on time . Ultimately ended up having to pull a near all nighter though, because Illustrator crashed in the middle of the coloring process (guessing bc of the lineart), which got rid of hours worth of work :D so cool, love that

Got it done, walked into class on Monday w/ three hours of sleep ready for critique, but five or so other people didn't finish theirs on time so prof ended up extending the due date anyway :D :D so cool very awesome

Can't really be mad though. I would've been happy if that courtesy was extended to me if I were in that spot, so I just went home and used the extra time to knock out some homework lol.

The extra time was worth it too cause everyone's turned out so cool :D wish I could share those too cause I loved looking at all of them during critique today

I said I just got out of class when I wrote this but I took so long to finish the post that two hours have passed since then,,

[sanstropfremir]

I remember when you once said when explaining your thoughts on sm as an institution and using aespa as an example that there were around 4 steps or criteria. And I think I'm actually seeing it 👀 with aespa I'm starting to see them show their personalities more which makes me think of minho from shinee saying in his first year he was supposed to look cold and not really speak.

Also this is still related to the idea of a persona but I think that's another reason I got kinda meh about bt*. Bc I watched rm's mv and I felt more for the featured artist's vocals than him. This pushing of authenticity is nice and certainly welcome but it can feel dull and ironically not authentic anymore instead feeling more corporate or forced. I would talk about how bt* and bighit's authentic "concept" takes advantage of the already dangerous para social relationship between fans and idols but that'll be an essay so i won't lol

i'm not gonna say that my theorized lil step system was right bc we're never going to actually know, but it always takes a bit of time for rookies to get a feel for how the industry works post debut and where the personal and professional lines of how much they want to portray. so now that they've been out and around the block doing stuff, it makes sense that they're getting more comfortable. it's more of an experience thing than anything else.

not to harp again on the general principle but the more money used to make something, the less 'authentic' it feels. because the finer the polish you put on something, the less like the real world it looks, and the less 'relatable' it is. and it also makes it very hard to build a signature style, unless you're doing something that has a strong aesthetic. like the sort of soft indie type aesthetic that rm is trying to do with that mv just point blank doesn't work when you have that much money. the reason that that indie aesthetic works is because it's shot on shitty cameras with $12 and a paperclip, not on a red camera with vfx budget. when you're trying to go that low key with aesthetics, you have to be able to show the flaws in what you're doing, because there's nothing else to visually help you establish that style. nothing about that mv looks real, and you need it to look real to the viewer if you want it to come across as authentic. the quality of production that hybe CAN do is better suited for large scale spectacles that can back a really strong and distinctive aesthetic that needs that kind of money to pull off in the first place. and not to pit groupmates against each other but i will anyways bc it's funny, but jhope has a SIGNIFICANTLY better understanding of that.

[starship-imzadi]

S6 E5 Schims

I think Riker always looks better in royal or dark blue

It's so rare to see something as normal as a sink.

The last two episodes Marina's wig has either been styled differently or is a different wig all together. I think it looks terrible.

It's sweet that everyone is so supportive of Data. But if no one showed up Data's feelingd wouldn't be hurt; He would just lose out on an experience that humans get when their friends support them.

Troi nudging Riker because he's falling asleep never fails to crack me up. (I had a dear friend in college who struggled to stay awake when the lights were low. He told me to punch him if he started snoring. In my mind there are similar vibes.)

For a second I wondered if a hot toddy was the best choice, because alcohol disrupts REM sleep, but then I remembered they don't do real alcohol so that wouldn't be a problem anyway. But it's odd that given his tight neck she doesn't offer him a muscle relaxer (which would also help with sleep.) What kind of training does Start Fleet give their doctors?...

It's weird that they walk around the ship in an emergency. Why not beam everywhere?

It's interesting that Riker asks a personal favor, for Geordi to make sure he's awaken in the morning, to which Geordi replies "sure, comander" in such a formal retention of title.

It's crazy Riker's bed looks like and actual bed with sheets and a soft pillow! Weird.

Poor Riker. Sleep deprivation is the worst.

So much about Worf's hair cut scene is terrible. The cape didn't clasp properly. The barber just free hands cutting his hair (and his scissors are much to high to even be just trimming the ends).

Is the device on board there just for Geordi? (Do we ever see it again?) It seems so specific and no one else has a device like his.

It's weird but in that intercut clip of Riker's hands across the helm control: I'm quite positive those are not Frakes' hands; they don't match him (but do I know what his hands look like?). It's weird because Riker is having an odd experience looking at his own hands at the console but it's for a completely different reason than why it feels like an odd experience to me.

Who is this other random crew member? Why is she the only non commanding officer? (If aliens picked on the lower decks more often instead of the people in charge they'd get away with a lot more.)

(This lower shot angle in the holodeck is weird. Why are they doing that?)

Long and rectangular 😂 that really narrows it down right? (Of course it's long. It has to fit Rikers 6' 3" self). Also 25% reduction which way?

The first metal table.....is definitely not a table. I read a reddit post discussing this scene comparing it to a Google search which made me realize: this really gives the impression that the Computer is pulling from a stock data base trying to find a single predefined object that fits the highest number of given filtered criteria as possible. I was thinking if it more like than how AI works now, where information is collected and sorted by characteristics and then those data points are fed into a generator to manufacture something new. It is funny that sometimes the computer needs more specifics, and other times it put up with the most vague instructions.

Riker's and Troi's hair look so poofy under that top light.

That's a tiny control panel. I figured it would be bigger, like the helm control, so it would make sense that it triggered the memory.

It's ridiculous to realize the computer knew random people were disappearing of the Enterprise but didn't say anything before now simply because no-one thought to ask.

Man that's crazy. Now, bone will actually naturally shave down and add material where it needs to for year after a break if it doesn't heal exactly line up. But think how traumatic it would be to know your arm has been amputated and reattached without you knowing.

All in all this is the makings of PTSD. They've all been kidnapped and operated on, without their knowledge or consent, but they all have some memories much like IOA (inter operation awareness) in surgery under general anesthetic.

I'd like to point out that these tables are not, in fact, at an angle.

Well.... that was intense. So many dangerous unknowns.

[witchofthevale]

I think there is type of people who have problems irl and they go venting and sending rude asks to people in every fandom because that is how they cope with anger. It's wrong though. I have anger issues but I am on therapy for 5 years and I learned to be part of fandom by using block button. I have specific criteria about hotd fandom. Anti Alicent blog? Block. Pro Daemon Targaryen blog? Block. Pro Viserys Targaryen? Block. Shitting on Alys and Gayle before she even appeared on screen? Block. Writing smut with tropes I don't like? Block. I am very picky, but it's impossible to try to engage with everyone esp when they like characters I hate. I know new users read every Aemond fic even though they don't enjoy them because they feel pressured to read each of them because they want to fit in. My advice is: don't read things that disturb you. Read 3 chapters of each fic writer and ask yourself Do I really enjoy it? Or it's meh for me? It's okay to dislike a fic. It's okay to block people so you'll never hear from them again. Feel no shame in blocking people. For me blocking people I don't vibe with it's like taking out the trash. It's good when they're not around.

Fun quip just because it's relative, but I started reading this right when my melatonin kicked in and I tried to figure out the tone if I was getting my first anon hate just from the paranoia of recent events jshdjshd. Sorry, too funny and actually quite sad not to share lol. I just felt discombobulated by getting this and at the random time ahaha!

Anyways, this is a lot and I wanna reply properly, have Elle's off-tangent reply thoughts because ADHD and 3am. I think I'm still coherent.

I mean for the most part, nons, I agree with your core sentiment. Block button is definitely good for sanctifying your space, in a place like fandom where you will interact with a level of unrestrained level of self expression, anything that helps you make it easier to navigate such a thing is basic form of self preservation.

For most of us, fandom is a space of comfort and when ugly shit rises, it really hits hard because your comfort is being threatened.

For another, if it's truly engaging and making friends is your goal (even if it's not, it's just how fandom as an ecosystem works)— or just the FOMO of not being a part of the fun because you've literally blocked 90% of people — sure it's difficult to really be part of it if you're blocking left and right. Which is also why I'd like to offer and employ the ignorance is bliss system.

Like you said, there are certain things you might not agree with someone you're moots with/follow but as a whole, you still want to engage with them. It's just how individuality works, and that's okay too. Just because you and another person can't agree on the one thing— character, team, whatever the fuck — you can just skip and scroll, and mind your business.

And at the same time, you can still be able to connect with the parts that you do like/have in common with the person.

Just a tip since I actually use the block button sparingly (unless you're a bot lol). But if blocking is what comforts and sanctifies your experience, have at it! I hope you're in a sweet space where you feel at your most comfort because that is what fandom is supposed to be. We're here to have fun and it's truly fucked up to see that tainted with ugliness.

On that note, I can't begin to start wondering why people send hate.

I'm a very lazy person, nons. I cannot imagine myself going through someone's Ask, toggling on the Anon button (again, as a lazy person, it is such a big step to even do this part 'cos then it asks you if you're sure and you have to click again please I cannot), and writing your pièce de résistance like you aren't going to be pitied.

Because in the end, what you look like— to me at least — is a sad, sorta masochistic coward who needs that anon button to feel safe because you know what you just sent is cruel, unwarranted, and something you would never be able to spit in a person's face, much less mumble.

I cannot begin to unravel why someone would do this. I don't want to try. I've been in fandom spaces since 2012, at the height of shipping wars, fruit NSFW tagging, and feet fetish scammers to name a few.

Whatever catharsis they feel at being able to receive a reply is only temporary cos at the end of the day, they sent that through anon for a reason. They know what they did was shameful.

And if you can't even do it with your full chest, why would I bother lol?

I'm personally a lazy person and tired from irl when I come to fandom spaces to detangle and have fun. I cannot be bothered with you.

But yeah no, I dunno. People can do whatever they want with their blogs, it's their space. Block, ignore, whatever. I like where I'm at, I enjoy my little corner of fandom. I adore so much of my moots and have fun interacting with everybody so far.

I'm glad you've curated your space though, nons! And I agree that you can wholeheartedly dislike a fic. Not everything's going to be for you and that's okay.

PS. Do people really feel pressured to read for Aemond omg? I personally never did, I got back into fanfiction because of Aemond fanfics actually ahahaha! I just lurked around before 'cos I watched HOTD late; too many months later 'cos my best friend watched it first and she's a hardcore ASOIAF girlie and she ranted ahahaha!

When I braved it, I just watched it as a separate entity and had fun 'cos the actors were really good and somehow, I jumped back in fandom space enough to write lol

[lord-radish]

I just reblogged a post about PTSD, and it gave a lot of examples of PTSD criteria that are often overlooked that really resonated with me.

I'm gonna go over the former best friend stuff. Right away I'm gonna say I'm pretty sure things are gonna go back way before any of that other stuff happened, but the former best friend stuff is the most recent and the most raw.

---

The criteria I'm using are on an Australian governmental website called Healthline. I'll be posting the criteria and discussing its applicability to the situation. I'm also going to read a webpage for an Australian mental health organisation called Beyond Blue.

Symptoms of PTSD, according to Healthline:

re-experiencing the trauma

I don't think about the actual event all that much, where I realised my friend had gotten with a girl I had been hung up on for about a year. It was less "why doesn't she love me", because she had let me down easy and was seeing other people and I was moving on, and more "how could my friend have done this to me", because I had confided in him about the crush for the entire time I had it and I was already having inadequacy issues with him and severe self-confidence issues.

The initial trauma, where I realised what was going on and blew up at my friend, is embarrassing but not something I revisit very often. What gets me is the thought that he's going to try and come back into my life, or I'm going to be trapped in a room or a conversation with him, or people are going to expect me to be around him and like pressure me to forgive him. It's the thought of going back, or being forced into a stressful situation, that gets me.

repetitive memories (or flashbacks) that are hard to control and intrude into everyday life

The recurring memories that get me are related to the moment where I realised I wouldn't be trying to go back to the friend group any more. It's the entire chain of reasoning that led to me leaving for good.

It's a laundry list of things he did that I didn't like and actively made me uncomfortable or upset, but which he did anyway because he thought it was funny. The first day we hung out outside of school, we went to the pool with another friend. They both got out, and when I went to get out, they started tredding on my hands and arms so I couldn't. I swam to the other side, but they'd beat me over there and keep stepping on me.

What struck me about remembering that in the wake of the girl thing is that it formed the foundation of our friendship, and going forward he would do things just like that - things that he would do to me that I didn't like, but which he did anyway because he thought it was funny. That was the foundation our entire friendship was built on. It was there from the start.

nightmares

Nightmares have always been few and far between for me, thank god. I don't have nightmares.

extreme distress caused by reminders of the trauma

At one point, I would start hyperventilating and crying whenever something happened that would reopen the wound. There have been times since I started working that this has almost happened at work. I'm always in flight mode when I'm in public, especially when I'm around where he works, and even more so when it's the time of the day I've seen him around and run into him after work. I'll have one of those one-sided mental conversations when I'm in bed or at work, and I'll need to let it play out and go over my rebuttals because otherwise it's just the thought of someone trying to force their way back into my life.

memories or disturbing thoughts that can be prompted by smells, sounds, words or other triggers

I have a hard time whenever I see his name, or the name of his girlfriend. I need to rush past it and forget I ever saw it. Both names are fairly common too.

---

The next set of criteria deal with avoidance.

staying away from places, people or objects that may trigger memories of the traumatic event

My former best friend used to work at a shop on the main street of my town. My main street is made up of three blocks, with his place of work being down the end of town we both live close to.

For the first year after the falling out, I wouldn't walk on that block of the main street. There's a second road that goes the same way, but it isn't as paved or well maintained as the main street. Whenever I was walking down the street, I would take that less well-maintained road to avoid potentially running into him. I did that for over a year, and I only stopped because I found out - tangentially, from seeing his new uniform after running into him - that he doesn't work there any more.

I did a similar thing with his home, talking a less convenient path to stay as far away from where he lived as possible. He lives *behind my mum* now, so I'm trying to stop washing my clothes at her house despite not having a washing machine in my flat because I can hear them across the fence.

I also left all of our mutual friends to get away from him. All of them. They're all his. I also close my eyes whenever I'm travelling by the place where the initial fallout happened so I don't have to look at it.

changing a normal routine to avoid triggering memories

Just discussed that in the previous entry. This one very much applies.

not wanting to talk about or think about the event

Outside of the councillor I've had since 2021, a friend I made and my mum, I haven't told anyone about what happened and why there was a fallout between me and my former best friend. A big reason why is because this isn't a "good guy vs bad guy" thing, and while I'm clearly very hurt and fucked up about it, I don't want to color people's perception of him.

If they like him and want to be his friend, they should be able to like him and be his friend. It's not like I'm The Good Guy and he's The Bad Guy, it was an ugly set of circumstances that I reacted very poorly to that forced a personal schism between us. I would talk about it with someone close enough to me because it's cathartic, but I have valid reasons to keep it to myself. All people need to know is that I can't be around him.

Now, thinking about the event - that's something I don't want to do. If I'm talking about it, I'm breaking it down and thinking about the mechanics of it and rationalising it. It's a process I can work through. Thinking about it, on its own, just hurts to do.

I think that's why I have those mental conversations, because I need to always be working through it and breaking it down. That's a fresh hell in itself, because I've been repeating the same points to myself for almost two years. I think of it, I have the mental conversation, however long it takes is a write-off. That's one reason I don't want to think of it.

feeling numb

I've felt numb about a lot of things for years before this was an issue, because I was severely bullied all through school. This event caused some numbness, but most of it is from that prior bullying.

---

These criteria regard negative thoughts and mood.

feeling a sense of hopelessness about the future

Not specific to the best friend stuff. This one stems from over twelve years of bullying, and is aggravating by living in a stressful home environment for most of my life and having such a strained relationship with my friends post-school. The best friend thing is whatever - the end of that friendship isn't going to kill me. The potential to find better friends is endless.

But I struggle to believe I'm ever going to fit in with a crowd that I jive with and which wants me, which has been a persistent feeling ever since primary (elementary) school. I felt that way before I met my former best friend, and I feel it now.

negative beliefs about yourself or the world

Again, moreso due to the bullying that occured before/during the time I made friends in high school. There is something wrong with me compared to other people, and there always has been - there's a tangible difference that puts me at a disadvantage. I have a very negative opinion on anti-bullying tactics and legislature like zero-tolerance policies, because it could be weaponised by bullies in ways that got their victims in trouble. On a good day I'm an optimistic atheist, on a bad day I'm a pessimistic agnostic.

blaming yourself or others unreasonably

I treat the former best friend stuff as a "both sides" issue. I feel bad because I was very emotionally ugly, and this led to me lashing out and being a very angry and spiteful person towards him. In the long run, this was to protect my own feelings and be able to live with myself in the long run, and I have to live with that.

And while I'm indescribably angry at him to this day, the actual decision between him and his girlfriend is both a positive development for both of them and a perfectly reasonable decision between two consenting adults. So like I said, both sides have a point.

I hold a lot of animosity towards my former best friend, and I will never let him get close to me again. I'm also angry at myself for my role in it all. I can recognise the good in it all, but it doesn't make the anger and hate any more palatable.

intense worry, depression, anger or guilt

I've covered anger and guilt in previous entries. Adding onto that: when this was still fresh, my emotional state was changing every day. I felt the full gamut of human emotion in the span of a week. A few months in, I had my first and only anxiety attack because I felt like I was running out of time to mend the bridges I thought I needed to mend.

I was immensely depressed - I didn't know what to do. I lost all my friends for the duration I was gone, and when I left for good, I lost all those friends forever. I felt guilty for the effect my acrimonious exit must have had on people in that group. Even today, it makes me feel angry and guilty, and I worry about the possibility of people trying to force their way into my life. Worry, depression, anger and guilt is most of my life.

not being able to remember the traumatic event

I can remember the traumatic event just fine. I remember the moment I put it all together, I remember lashing out at my friend. I remember the spiral I went into after I stormed out, and I remember the Saturday where I saw him for the first time since and he told me what had been going on.

What I don't remember is most of our friendship before that point.

I remember some good parts, and I remember a lot of the bad. I've blocked everything else out of my memory.

no longer enjoying favourite activities

This is another all-encompassing one with roots in being bullied. I find it hard to play online co-op games with other people, though I play a lot of games we used to play by myself. I've avoided a lot of movies, TV and music due to general shittiness stemming from being bullied, I have to find something that really engages me before I commit to any media.

becoming emotionally detached from others

This is the big one - again, not exclusive to the friend stuff.

I've never been good at making friends, and I stopped actively trying back in primary school. I made friends at the end of high school because I made an effort to befriend people I wanted to be around, but that's how I ended up with my former best friend.

I've never been good at talking to people unless they're more of a conversation starter. Nowadays, I don't even try. Partially because I feel poorly about myself, but thanks to the former best friend stuff, I'm also afraid of being hurt and getting excluded from places when things go poorly.

not being able to experience positive emotions

Again, not exclusive to the former best friend stuff. It's hard to find joy in anything, because I learned to feel judged and criticized at an early age. I stopped getting my hopes up that things would get better. After the friend group fallout, there were weeks where I felt like I would never be happy again unless I found a way to go back to that friend group, and things were endlessly bleak.

Even now, with the job I have, I've resigned myself to a long, arduous existence of working with outdated machinery instead of holding out hope for better equipment coming down the line. It's better to expect the bare minimum and - more often than not - getting it, than to wish for the moon and getting nothing in return.

---

These criteria regard increased arousal.

constant, excessive alertness

I mentioned this before - I'm always on the lookout for a flash of green or a person who looks like my former best friend so I can go the other way and avoid it. I'm always "on". I'm always thinking about places to hide or how to escape.

scanning the environment for signs of danger

See previous entry. Short answer, yes.

being easily startled

More of a general symptom. I've always been easily startled. My former best friend would startle me and play on my insecurities and fears to get a reaction out of me, because he thought it was funny.

irritable or aggressive behaviour

When I was bullied, I came out the other side trying to be as polite and inoffensive to the senses as I could be. I had intense anger and sadness for a long time, and I did lash out for a brief period in early high school, but I grew into a more kind, measured person.

When the former best friend stuff happened, the way I would phrase it is that I "became a person I didn't want to be". I'm outwardly angry now. I'm always ready to be rude and shout at my former best friend if it comes to that, and I will do so with impunity if I'm ever cornered. I still try to be measured and calm, but I stew and mutter and have a hard time regulating my emotions now.

difficulty sleeping

poor concentration

Both of these are moreso bullying-related issues that have stayed with me for most of my life than anything to do with my former best friend.

[indiestarclash]

Anniversary Announcements

So...one year since I made this blog, huh? Time really does fly. And, I have to say, while I may not be done here, the fact that I've gotten this far is really something! Eighteen out of twenty five fighters done...considering that in the past I've had a bad habit of abandoning projects and then never returning to them, honestly, I had doubts I would even get this far when I started.

But enough reflecting - I'm here to make a few announcements going forward!

Reworks

A recent thought experiment has led me to rethink how I do movesets, which I think you can really see in Quote, the moveset I ended up making directly afterwards. And then even more recently, I ended up rethinking how the fighting system works, and, well...to make a long story short, everyone's been reworked! For most characters, it's to a rather minor extent, mostly just consisting of me adding unique aerial heavy attacks and heavy throws (which is going to be a thing for everyone now, by the way. heavy throws are new but I figured "fuck it, why not" so.), but for some of my older movesets I've given a more extensive rework! Shovel Knight and Shantae are the prime examples here; go back and look at their posts to see the differences!

Roster Change

And now for the big one. After all this time, I'm finally changing the roster a bit. Someone is getting the shaft. I'm sure you're all waiting with anticipation, hoping that your favorite isn't getting dropped, and to that, I say...

Don't worry, it's Dutch.

Yeah, I'm not expecting any tears to be shed over this choice. While I do like the moveset I gave Dutch, that's really all he has going for him - he's just some guy on a motorcycle. And while my thought process justifying it back when I first figured out the moveset was "well him being some guy on a motorcycle will contrast with the more fantastical fighters and make him stand out that way," that. Really didn't happen. Or at least not in a good way.

Honestly, if not for the criteria I had in mind when making the roster, Dutch probably wouldn't have gotten in at all. He mostly happened because I wanted to include a racing game rep, and the thing is, there...aren't really any indie racing games? Well known ones, anyway. I think the closest is Rocket League, and while it would've been funny to make a moveset for a car, I wanted something more practical, so Road Redemption and subsequently Dutch were the next best thing. I mean, Shovel Knight crossed over with them, so there was something at least, right? To which I say to my past self: yeah, no.

Thankfully, I do have a replacement in mind! Initially, it was a different character who I was going to have to wait a bit for since his game is still in Early Access and I didn't want any surprises, but this guy had his full game released recently and it only took me a hour of play to go "yeah this guy is going in instead." Ladies and gentlemen, I present...

Peppino Spaghetti of Pizza Tower fame!

His moveset will be going up fifteen minutes from now, and once it does, I've also prepared an updated roster image! And even better, I remembered to actually save the Photoshop files this time, making for far easier edits in the future! So that will be nice!

And perhaps even nicer is that there will also be two more movesets coming along with Peppino, those being Cadence and Crow! With Peppino replacing Dutch, that will make for twenty out of twenty five! One fifth left to go!

[formulinos]

@topnotchquark sorry for the late reply!! you got buried under a few other notifs, but thanks a lot for asking! a bit of a long answer coming in, hope you don’t mind hehehe

this was my second time at a formula e race, first time being in monaco 2023 and it was a very different experience! first, because of the time of the year (in monaco, the race took place in early may so it was sunny-ish but still light cardigan weather) whereas in são paulo, it was mid-march, which, although it’s são paulo so it can rain whenever, it was fucking hot and me and my friends felt every bit of it. in fact, they had free rehydration stations but at the beginning of the day these weren’t working, so we bought a lot of water. at the end of the day, the water tasted a bit weird so we still bought a lot of water fkdbksbs. so, def, the heat took its toll on us and it did feel like the promoters weren’t ready for it at all.

another thing that gave me the ick was that last year, in monte carlo, fans were allowed to participate in the autograph session according to arrival. places were limited, but it was first come, first served. thanks to it, i had the opportunity to meet a lot of the guys and get tons of the autographs and so i was looking forwards to catching up with my faves this year and, in particular, talking to nick cassidy who i hadn’t had the opportunity to last year. unfortunately, this time it was invitation only and there was no explanation on the criteria for it, so the lack of transparency also sucked. we lost our places in the shadow looking for the autograph sessions until we found out about it as well. it was my friends’ first experience in formula e as well and i had spend the whole week hyping them up for the paddock visit, so overall that was ass.

we had bought tickets for sector B, lower section, so since it’s a short race we decided to grab a place on the rail and watch it from upclose. bad decision for our overall state of dehydration and lack of sleep (we woke up around 3am that day to go to SP from rio) but amazing choice racing wise. this dude was in front of us:

so, obviously we saw the drivers, i yelled a bunch of their names, some of them looked and appreciated it (including nyck de vries, nice lad), some of them didn’t even look even though you could absolutely hear me (jev you cunt). didn’t yell for ticktum, why would i. the roar was bigger from everyone for lucas di grassi and sette camara, of course. i like sette cam a lot because he was really nice to me in monaco, a shame i couldn’t say hi to him this year.

anyway, the guy who got the greatest commotion this year though was this one:

a funny moment happened when I was the only person who recognised his son emmo, who i think is racing in the middle east, so i shouted his name. he was a little bit embarrassed so he just gave me a little thumbs up, but his mother was super happy according to my friends at my recognition. THEN she slagged him off at only thumbing me up instead of saying hi fkdbdkjd

another funny moment was when BERNIE somehow thought it would be a good idea to walk the grid the week it was announced felipe massa was suing him over 2008, so when people started shouting his name he started walking quickly, so people started screaming even more (and i even heard some “FELIPE MASSA” screams. i might have uttered some of those.) - yes, i know it makes sense when you consider his wife, current FIA VP, is brazilian. but bernald…. stay put.

ANYWAY. when it was racing time, i was actually surprised that the cars that close are louder than they seemed at monaco! in monte carlo, i was at the casino corner, here:

so as i wasn’t that close to the cars they sounded like they do on the tv, pretty quiet. back in são paulo, however, as i was pretty close, they were way louder, much different experience, so it was really interesting to note how their sound actually gets lost in distance. this might sound logical, but then when you actually hear them it doesn’t, it’s two different cars in sound and i was only a couple meters closer!

anyway, the racing itself was brilliant, as formula e always is in terms of competition! unfortunately nick dnf’d and a mclaren won, BUT at least it was sam bird, who is an amazing guy! the girls absolutely loved the last lap shenanigans and they fell in love withe the category, so overall we had a great day. to reward ourselves, we had after the race an incredibly expensive but delicious dinner at an all you can eat asian restaurant (são paulo is a hub for an asian diaspora so you can trust the quality!), bought ourselves some sweets, had the most well earned showers of our lives and ate said sweets whilst watching football. a terrific day :D

was at formula e today ama