#ANYWAY enough oversharing lol

[anachrosims]

Chanukah Sameach to the Jewish simmers on my dash <3 <3 <3

[teaboot]

if ur a murderbot nerd now do u have any fun opinions abt it yet?

Oh my goddd you have no idea

I really, really, really like Murderbot because it comes at life with this perspective we don't often see that is very real among people who have already been through traumatic experiences, who developed skills and abilities to suvive that were once useful but no longer have context- that search that traumatized people go through to recalibrate and reorient ourselves in a world where we no longer really need those things to survive.

A bit personal here, but my own issues personally involved a lot of psychological abuse that made it difficult to trust my own perceptions of reality, and as a result I found I was very easy to lie to and manipulate.

To handle this, I became obsessive over writing things down, cataloging details and making notes of things as they happened- I'd carry recording devices and make audio recordings and stay up late at night to transcribe what they'd picked up, read those over and over again to reassure myself of things I wasn't certain about.

While doing this, there were others close to me that I felt responsible for, who I had to protect from others and protect myself from at the same time. Life was about two things: Evidence, and defusing threats

Over time, I learned to trust myself as my memories matched what had been recorded where their narrative didn't, but I never really kicked the habit. Like Murderbot, I had added something to my own programming that reassured me I was safe, that I was in control of myself, that I couldn't be mistaken or crazy or broken or used.

I'm only on book two, but already I see myself in Murderbot again. No spoilers here, but when I left home- left that dangerous context- I didn't need to repeat these patterns to survive anymore, but I still did, because I didn't know anything else anymore. It felt safe, comfortable, knowing knowing that the past couldn't repeat itself, because I'd written that flaw- blind trust in myself-  out of my programming and replaced it with something else.

Still, though, I'd become something specially suited to thrive in a very specific environment. Nothing else felt right like followinghigh-risk situations, like witnessing and watching and recording and knowing I had proof of the truth where others might not.

People took notice. I wound up in security by accident, but's an environment that I thrive in due to the same patterns and behaviours I originally developed when I had no other choice. I climbed the ladder pretty quickly, once supervisors caught on that my reports were the most accurate, most objective, most factual, detail-oriented and timely. I keep others and myself safe and prioritize public safety above all else, and I perform well under pressure

Now I'm in a position where I often wonder, do I enjoy this job, or is it just what I'm good at? I have a set of skills now, but do I have the option of choosing not to use them? What would I be, if not this? Could I be anything else? Can Murderbot be anything else?

It has a set of skills that set it apart, make it different, special. It does what it knows best. But is it free? Does it want to be? What does it want? Does it have to do what it was built to do? What if it didn't?

I know what I'm good for. The idea of deliberately leaving what I'm good for for something uncertain, that I might hate, that I might be useless at- the choice to give up what was so important to me for so long and become deliberately obsolete?

Let go of my entire purpose? The only thing I know, that I fit so well into but don't actually know if I enjoy? Now that I can choose? Now that enjoyment is a luxury I can afford to consider?

Yeah, that resonates.

I like the Murderbot series so far because it feels the way I feel: Like the most significant and formative part of my story, the part where I became what I am, has already happened

And now I have to just. Keep going

Into... what?

It feels absurd. Like a microwave giving up on reheating food and deciding to start a life around abstract dance.

So, uh. Yeah. It's really very wild to see this same philosophical-ish dilemma I've been digging over in the back of my mind and in therapy for the last forever laid out so plainly in a genuinely exciting and enjoyable story like this. I feel much less alone, and I... kind of really need to see how it resolves, I think.

So, uh. Yeah. Read Murderbot, I guess

[strawberri-draws]

Some dream Halloween costumes because I don’t have one this year </3

[trentskis]

scream just did a terrifying* thing (asked my boss if it was possible to raise my wages)

[6mayhem]

anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

HOLD ON WAIT UP HOLD THE PHONE

I KNOW I WAS GONE FOR A FEW MONTHS THERE BUT HAS BLUE LIKE DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF A SERIES OR IS THAT A NEW DEVELOPMENT???

I FEEL LIKE ITS CHRISTMAS ALL OVER AGAIN FUCK Y E A H

Okay so

I...

have been cooking

by which I mean illusions of grandeur and

schemes

And I have not been forthcoming lol Everyone kind of disappeared all at the same time so I kind of stopped talking about what I'm doing but I have been biding my time, quietly putting mechanisms into motion and plotting and occasionally cackling over my cauldron.

I finished the first draft of Blue like don't forget about me and didn't like it so I cut out all the sci-fi fantasy stuff (bye bye aliens farewell superpowers) and in November wrote a new first draft that's all contemporary romance babeee and I'm so in love with it I'm turning it into a little 3-part (possibly 4 if I can't control myself) series.

The original childhood years have been split off into a prequel novella called Red like my bleeding heart in your hand. Then Blue like don't forget about me will take place 20 years later. Nash works at Cherished Hope Nursing Home

“And what is it you do? At the nursing home, I mean.” I wipe shit off of old people. And Teddy’s a hockey player. What’s Luke, an underwear model? He shouldn’t have come.

Teddy comes back to town for a funeral and

Teddy looks at him for the first time in twenty years and every ounce of warmth leaves his expression. Message received. He should not have come.

OKAY SO AND THEN the next book will be Jo's POV and is called Violet like these delights. and MAYBE there will be a 4th from Luke's POV bc he gets to live this time by the grace of god (me) but it'll depend on how Violet goes (its current state is mostly vibes and a single overarching theme so, stand by).

Red needs a clean-up round of edits to snip out the few little threads that connected it to OG blue. And rewritten blue is basically done. I've done the major revisions and am about to start line edits and after those are done I'm sending it out to beta readers (lmk if you're interested).

There are concise actual summaries in my pinned post btw lol

WHICH REMINDS ME

The series title is Wildflowers of Deliverance. Which I'm extremely proud of. Did you notice did you notice how each title incorporates a wildflower did you did you? and the town they grew up in where Nash and Teddy first met is called Deliverance!!! It's okay I know I'm a genius.

And this brings us to the meal okay? because like I said I've been Cooking™ quietly but steadily for a few months now. ANd what have I been cooking? PLOTS and PLANS

I've decided on a pen name: Sarah B. Elisa

I've created a(nother) side blog for it that will be exclusively centered on my og writing and geared more toward readers rather than writers like this blog is: @sarahbe-writing

I'm going to create a website (as soon as I convince myself to spend money)

and a newsletter (as soon as I convince myself to spend money and do work)

I'm still waffling between trad publishing and DIY. I really like all my hats and it would be a shame to have to share them but oh my god I don't want to do all the marketing but trad pub seems hit or miss on how well they market you so I might get half of my hats taken away and still have to do the marketing bullshit UGH

anyway

OH YEAH and the OG draft I wrote for Blue? I'm going to spin it back to its OG OG roots [parkner, naturally--Return of The childhood friends to estranged almost lovers to super-powered rivals to reluctant allies to friends to lovers finally wip!!! AKA: We Were Gods (we were kids)] and that will fix all the things that went wrong and I didn't like 😌 so it's basically like double Christmas I think

[todayisafridaynight]

psst for my stream regulars

How does the idea of me starting streams at like 1:30PM (EST) sound. i’ll still plan to run them to like 5:00PM (EST) but now its more definite it’ll actually end then opposed to accidentally going on until like. 7:30PM (EST)

Also im on mobile so i cant make a poll so you gotta let me know through like a comment or somethin ok ty

[hiddenbeks]

hmm. isabeau teaching brynjolf ballroom dances

[bbnibini]

HI! You don't have to respond to this, I just wanted it to let you know:

Your CYOA fic was actually the first fic I genuinely love and enjoy when I got into the OBM fandom back in around 2020 or 2021 ish?? I genuinely, absolutely love the amount of effort your put in. like FR, links embedded in the phrases or texts??? Multiple choices??? The story too???? SECRETS???? Your CYOA is incredible and I certainly don't mind having to wait years for it because I know without a doubt, it's going to be such a banger of a fic, its so full of life. So yeah, take as much time as you need, we all have our own lives, I, myself haven't caught up to the latest chapter because of work and life, but I'm glad you wrote it <3

Thank you! It makes me happy to have readers like you who understand. I'm just happy you enjoyed my series. c: Feel free to go back to it (or don't idrc; just really happy you took your time, went out of your way and placed a nice ask here. Really. You made my day c:) at your own pace! I used to have more time to write the CYOA but life happens so what can you do? Lmao it's a struggle the working class understands really well. 🫂 Let's get through this together! ;v;

[neonpigeons]

actually I lied earlier. when I say "I wanna fuck that old man" it usually is as a term of endearment but (as my friends and I have joked before) there's always only one (1) man on the planet I would be willing to fuck. it changes periodically. sometimes they're fictional. so it goes

[orcelito]

like ok

> has very definite Trauma Things from various times in life > has difficulty remembering some of them for Various Reasons, while others are. way way way too vivid. > has continuous difficulty sleeping, including a variety of reoccurring disturbing dreams coupled with a general apathy about them (refusal to call most of them nightmares bc most of them im not actually scared in, which kinda rly says smth about me mentally, i think) > general avoidance of Trauma Things > general negative reactions when Trauma Things r brought up

uhmmmm yea ok

[ppulverse]

.

[cryptidapprentice]

been feeling mad rejection sensitive (or smthn similar) lately and i cant tell if its my upcoming period, or bc i tried adjusting my med schedule (per my doctor's rec) or if im just being all-around moody

[bisexualclarkkent]

Undoubtedly by far the worst thing about living alone is that no one takes care of you when you’re sick and no one can pick up the slack with chores

[cherry-shipping]

i think about my horrortale self insert so much i dont know what it is that made them my favorite insert but im having fun with them as if they were someone elses character HONESTLY

[riacte]

Why you should watch Ren’s streams — a promotional post:

He’s got face cam on right now and if the simping in the tags is any indication— 😳

His stream conversation topics veers wildly from “inappropriate jokes about sweating/peeing/intimate parts” to “cringefail flirting stories” to “sincere advice on how to be a content creator and the realities of life and progression and the inherent loneliness of being a content creator when you can’t see most of your colleagues face to face and you have to devote yourself entirely to being creative” and you end up crying either way

He has a cute bookshelf set up behind him. Which he claims is “adulty”. But the actual books on the bookshelf are out of view and we can see his Magic cards and Rendog plushie and Lego so it really is an adulty bookshelf innit

He’s off being a Minecraft professional on Hermitcraft. Just normal Rendog Hermitcraft shenanigans [he keeps forgetting where his stuff is] [calls a beacon a bacon] [almost died in the Nether multiple times] [this is fine]

If it gets late enough, he starts oversharing about his dating history/ ex girlfriend/ preference in women completely unprompted. And his many many cringefail stories about the insane ways he tried to flirt with women. He’s so. His rizz is certainly strange. The definition of “nobody asked” /affectionate

He randomly claimed Etho was an alien and never brought it up again.

He blew a kiss to his viewers?? And said there were 1000 viewers watching him, which meant 2000 eyeballs, 10000 toes, and 2000 buttcheeks—

Joked about being cancelled for streaming without pants on (he actually has pants on don’t panic)

Blamed his mods for not stopping him from streaming for 4 hours lol

He keeps on mentioning the heat in England and continuously gives us updates on the state of his water (Has the ice melted? Is the water lukewarm now? Is there limescale / bone flakes in his water?)

It’s cute to see the hermits welcome him back in their way <3 be it trolling to the point of stunning him into silence for 30 seconds (False), nicely asking to run errands with him (Cub), or dropping a signed photo of you being hot with zero explanation (Scar)

Anyways. Ren. Go watch him. And experience the stream of a lifetime.