#ANYTHING I SAID OR MANIFESTED TO ENCOURAGE THIS TYPE OF CONTENT I TAKE BACK AND REPENT

[kindahoping4forever]

I actually can't do this actually

[tipsydipsydo]

When the members have a crush on you! 🌼 [their feelings]

Hello my Dears!💙

Here I am again! I have my Life again!!! On friday I hand my scientific work in and now I'm free again!!! ...more or less... next week starts exam phase. School hates me really.

But here I am again, with the first part of "the members having a crush on you"! It's the fluffy one, Smut will follow😉🤤 (their dirty thoughts about you while having a crush on you!~ it will be two seperated Scenarios, one for fem! readers and the other one for male! Readers!)

This here is for both genders! I wrote it gender neutral!🤗💜

My Masterlist could be found here!

My Imagines could be found here!

(I just want to say sorry for all stupid mistakes in here... English isn’t my first language and I wrote this scenario directly in English (and not like usually at first in German and then translating it to English) that’s why the sentence structure is... let’s say à la carte... sorryyy) 

So, enough talk, here we go! 

「© tipsydipsydo」

These following headcanons are my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

Jin

In my opinion he would realize pretty fast that you're different to others... a way more special for him

How would he know that? Because your makes his heart pounding so much faster, makes his hands sweaty when you're around him and even sometimes makes his voice stutter, when he isn't prepared to see you

like you just came over spontaneous and he opens the door, thinks it's just someone of the maknae line and you just stand there and smile at him so freaking sweetly

everything would fell out of Jin's face, nothing reminds you of his usually super confident behaviour

= super cute stuttering from Mr. Handsome the most selfconfident guy in the universe

the boys are confused what the heck you did to him

why he act like shy Kookie back in his teens

why he's so shy and didn't dare to ask you out even when he's so flirtarous to you

but when he found his voice and his super duper selfconfident mask after a des seconds again (I say mask because around you he's shy like a schoolboy) he would always wants to make you laugh with his dad jokes

"annoy" you a little bit with his "I know it because I'm World

Wide handsome!" speeches

blow an overdramatic kiss to you, so you just roll your eyes chuckling and say that so much confidence isn't good for him and smile cheekily at him

and when you're down he would say that you should come over to the dorm (even when he's still at dance practice until 10 p.m.) so he could cook your favourite meal at midnight for you and talk about whatever the thing is that bothers you

and he would be so caring but in a really cute and adorable way...

he couldn't stand it, when you're down and didn't know how to deal with these problems

would take you into his arms/rub your back gently and try to calm you down

say that you're not alone and he'll be there for you whenever you need him

cooking with Jin is so cool and they would be so much lovey dovey tension in the air

when you're standing infront of the counter and don't know how to cut this specific ingredient for the meal

he would come over to you and wrap his arms from behind around you and lays his big hands on top of yours to help you cutting and whisper gently into your ear how to do that

I think Kookie would be the wing man for you two

teasing Mr. Handsome for being so shy around you when all the boys come into the kitchen to eat dinner together

Jin would shoot death glares to the maknae and would blush lightly... stirring passive-aggressively in the pot

Namjoon and Yoongi wouldn't lecture the youngest for being rude to the oldest

they think it's about the time that this 'sneaking around eachother' finally comes to an end

you set the table in that moment and look up to Jin confused when you hear Kookies teasing words

when you see Jins red ears, hear his cursing and the way he's stirring in the pot

a shy but happy-exited smile spread over your lips

when you see in the corner of the eyes five boys smiling encouraging at you, you blush furiously

just Yoongi rolls his eyes and says: "inform me, when I finally can start to plan your damn wedding! I can't look at this here anymore!"

Yoongi

I think Yoongi would realize slowly that you're more for him than only a "friend" or a "good friend"

but he would never admit it to someone, even himself

that poor guy is way too afraid to show his feelings and with it (in his opinion) his vulnerable and weak spots

his biggest fear is to interpret too much in your nice gestures and smiles

when he would confess only to get rejected or the worse, to make you laugh like "how could you think I'm interested in you, I mean..."

count 1000+ reasons why you just CAN'T be interested in him and why he would never deserve your love

lowkey jealous at everyone who get your attention, your smiles, your laughs etc.

you didn't do anything wrong, you’re only kind like always to the other members or peoples

but that would cause the reason why Yoongi pull even more away from you and hide himself in his shell, aka his room in the dorm or his studio

Yoongi was never really outgoing, he's a more reserved person and need his time to warm up with someone

and you know that and accept it absolutely, want to give him the time to trust you enough

but instead of getting closer you have the feeling of getting even more distant to him than before

whenever you're in the dorm, he's out in the studio or locks himself away in his room

only comes out to get some Snacks or eat dinner silently with the boys... and you.

I think Namjoon would be the first of the boys who would realize why Yoongi is so distant to you

then Hobi... because of the Rap Line and they work a lot together

the third one would be Jin I think

then Jimin and JK who overheard accidentally a conversation of the rap line to encourage Yoongi to let himself warm up to you

just only Tae didn't get the info (early enough?)

One time at lunch, Jimin and Kookie snickers together that Jin placed your seat right next to Yoongis

Tae wants to know what is so funny

Jimin wisper into his war, that Yoongi likes likes you

"What?? Yoongi likes Y/N?!"

he asks it way too loud

Yoongi next to you seems to crush his glass of water when he hears Tae's question and shoot glares at him to shut his fucking mouth

but Tae didn't get it, he's too exited over the new information he got

you look up confused and ask Tae what he previously said

"Well I didn't know that Yoongi likes you and you two are dating! Je always seems so distant to you and yeah, I think you two aren't so down for public affection but it didn't know until now you two are a couple!

well... know the whole table was silent, you blush furiously ans didn't know what to say

while Yoongi shoot Tae a glare that say that he'll went to bed castrated tonight

You're the first one now who dare to say something

"Y-You like me, Yoongi? I-I thought it's the exact opposite that's why I didn't dare to confess to you... that I have a little... big crush on you..."

Yoongi is speechless... with bright red cheeks

"Okay Yoongi, we think we have tomorrow still enough time to finish the Song. I think today's afternoon you have other plans in mind..."

says Namjoon with a wink to you both and Hobi nods in full agreement and his smile is bright like the sun

Namjoon

When Namjoon realize that he developt feelings for you over the time, he thought he's a responsible grown up man who can deal with those things in an mature manner

...well lets say he thought could handle it like the adult man he is

one time he was out again, in a nearby park at a sunny spring day

he saw some daisies blossom in the grass

he checked the right and left side until he was sure nobody is watching him

then he bow down quickly and pick one up

with the words "they love me" and "they don't love me" he rotatory tear one tiny petal away until a single one is left

"they love me" comes over his lips and a small but super happy smile manifests on his lips

he knows it's a stupid game but he just couldn't help it when he saw the grass with all those little daisies

like I said he thought he's able to deal with his feelings in a mature way, but he also has to test the waters if there is already someone other who catched your interest

...or in the worst way your heart

so when you came over again for a nice Netflix and Chill evening (the innocent one guys!) with the boys the maknae line wanted to play truth or dare with you

what a great opportunity for Joonie

after a few rounds and you choose truth by Namjoons turn he dropped the question

"is there someone who catch your interest... I mean, in a romantic way... you know a crush?"

the boys try their best not to smirk like idiots over their lovesick leader

you blush a bit, why for the fucking sake has to ask your crush this damn question

"yes"

you said simply

and Joonie didn't know what to do with this Information

should he ask further in the next found?

he dared to ask by the next round "can you describe this person for us?"

you look at Namjoon and sigh. Is he serious? Is it his goal that you confess your crush on him right infront of all boys?

"hm... he's funny, patient, so damn smart, a wonderful voice..."

with every bullet point you name on your list his heart swells and he Hey his absolute best not to smile like an idiot... until you say:

"...and he's really attractive, a really well built body, you know muscles and such stuff..."

and his smile drops. Yeah, maybe he's attractive in some ways but he learned that mostly the maknae line catch the interests of ARMYs.

he's not jealous or so but he know he didn't count to the 'really really well built guys' or to this kind of mens with a muscular body like Jungkook.

he has to accept that he's not your type

the next turn has Taehyung on you, he's your best friend and he was the one who invited you to the boys

"Y/N may I ask if you reveal to us if it's someone of the group and when yes if you dare to say his name

you look speechless over to your best (well tbh asshole) friend nur you didn't want to give Tae the satisfaction to think you don't have the guts to confess.

"Yes and it's Namjoon."

Joonie looks at you with big round eyes, can't believe his ears

"w-what?"

you sigh, bit your bottom lip slightly: "yes Joonie, you listened correctly, I have a crush on you, but that doesnt mean we-"

"but you said it's someone who had 'a really well built body, you know muscles and such stuff'.... but I don't have such body traits..." he explain himself helplessly.

you shoot glare to Namjoon how he can still think he's not attractive!

"well, Joon I just can say Y/N loves your 'thick and juicy thighs' and all these dirty fantasies my bestie has about you... I didn't even wanted to know that!"

"TAEHYUNG SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!"

All blushy Namjoon didn't know how to react to this infos but then he found his voice again

"Y/N... would you like to go on a date with me... the next days? Because... I like you really much..."

applause from the rest of the boys

Hoseok

Hobi has already for a longer time a crush on you and usually he didn't have many problems or fears to stand up for his feelings

but there is a thing

that you're already in a relationship

not that only this makes his heart aches, but also not to be able to accept these circumstances and be happy for you

because in his opinion your partner right now treats you like shit and gives a fuck about your feelings

yeah, he knows he has a hell of a busy life too but when he promised you to meet you and have an evening with you he try everything to keep his promise, even when that mean you two meet in the dance studio because he has to work on the new choreography and you just sit in the corner of the room in the floor and watch him

but it's okay, you two also enjoy it just being together with each other in a room

and then there is your partner, you two planned a date in a Café, Restaurant or Gelateria and then they just call you and cancelled it, without even explaining it

there is nothing wrong with feeling not well or just want a little bit time for themself but without being honest? To their own partner?

You got the reason three weeks later, they just cancelled your meeting again that's why you als Hobi if he has time and... offically not, but he didn't say that to you, he wanted to be with you when your damn partner seems like you are not important for them

and then you two saw them... with someone others.

you didn't say anything, just press your lips together and try not to cry right in the mall.

but you can't hold your neutral facade when you saw them kissing like there is no tomorrow

they never kissed you with such a passionate, it breaks your heart to realized that they just used you.

and Hobi our sunshine didn't know how to handle his anger to see this person you loved and paying all your attention and love to them cheating on you like they didn't even remember your existence

When he saw that they turned their head around to you, he didnt waste any time to grab your chin gently and press his lips gently but still determinant on yours

your body stiffen in pure shock to get a kiss from your best friend... in such a situation

but when Hobi wraps his left arm gently around your waist and places his right hand on your cheek

just to be sure that your kiss seems romantic and passionate

and maybe Hobi doesn't want to let your soft lips go away

but then it was time to let each other down from this literally breathtaking kiss

"Hey Baby- uh, Y/N... I-I just thought they just could take taste from their own medicine..."

shy Hobi try to explain his "rude" action

until you press your lips again onto his and wisper between two following kisses:

"Don't be sorry Hobi, that was the best kiss I've ever had and I hope you didn't mind that I want to feel your lips again on my owns..."

Jimin

shy cutie nr. 1

could get Jimin even cuter than having a crush on you and developt romantic feelings for you?

so blushy

so.

SO.

SO!

BLUSHY AND CUTE!

his fingers run like nonstop through his hair, this habit gets even worse because he's so nervous around you

tbh he wants to be attractive and sexy for you but je also knows he couldn't be the cool sexy sassy man for you in this phase

he's just a cute auf blushy mochi

but when he thinks you're not there and he work on the choreography with all his sex appeal and body rolls

with his serious concentrated sexy gaze

oh god, NOW would be the deadline where you would absolutely fall for him, his cute boyish side and his serious man side

like JK he would try to impress you

loves to hear your laugh or even better, to be the one who makes you laugh

try to get your attention but not in the annoying way you know?

want to be your man to cling when you guys watching a horror movie and you just can't stand some scenes (tbh he too, but he wants to be the one to make you feel safe)

similar to Yoongi, he could get really insecure about himself if he's enough for you

lowkey jealous when you pay more attention to the other boys

even when he wouldn't admit it and he wouldn't mentions it either because he knows it's not your or their fault, it's his own problem

but you realize pretty fast when this cutie didn't smile like usually

"Hey Jiminie, everything okay? You look like something bad happen?"

He nods slowly but didn't dare to say the reason

you smile gently at him and sit down next to him

"Can I help you in any way?"

He fiddles nervously with his small fingers until he asks you:

"Y/N could... can we cuddle a little bit? Only if you want and it's not weird for-"

but before he finished his sentences you slung your arms around him and he could take a deep breath with your scent in his nose.

yeah now everything is fine again.

"Jimin?"

"Hm?"

"When you're jealous... you don't have to be. I-I really like you..."

blushy mochi over 3000+!!!

Taehyung

I think Tae and you are best friends and he wouldn't realize that his feelings for you changed over the time

Like usually he would buy you little gifts and souvenirs when he's on world tour

help you choose a nice outfit and style it fancy

he wouldn't accept that you talk bad about yourself

when you Start to compare yourself to his "unnatural" beauty, he would take your hands in his beautiful hands and say that it not true and count a list down why you're attractive and beautiful/habdsome

is a really great listener for family problems

I think he would realize that his feelings for you changed from platonic to romantic when he has more and more... wet dreams about you (we going to talk about it in the next part ;D)

and when the need to do things with you that are above every super close friendship like kissing and touching you..

and when you ask him for help to choose an outfit for your date with Luca

who the heck Luca is?!

jealousy hits him hard

he would ask you everything about them and why you two are dating etc.

you would begin to laugh about that not really well hidden jealousy

and then you ask him if he's jealous of Luca

"Would it be bad when I'm jealous? And to be honest I think I'm a much better kisser than this person called 'Luca!"

and then he would kiss you straight away

to prove that he's better than everybody else, he would kiss you very passionate

"tell me I'm better than anybody and I'm the one you want to be together... please!"

"yes tae... I want to. By the way, Luca is just a good highschool friend of mine, nothing to worry about.

"Thank God!"

Jungkook

shy cutie nr. 2

The more romantic feelings this poor boy got for you, the more he didn't dare to be around you but at the same time he can't wait for the evenings when you come over with take out food for everyone and spend the night with them on the couch

yeah, maybe he teased every other member for having a crush on someone but when it comes to him having a crush on you... oh god

he got everything back

having sich member teasing the shit out of the poor bunny

but Kook learned it really fast not to play with the feelings of the others because he always got the same thing back

he would always blush like mad when you hand him his favourite dish of the restaurant in the way just he like it

try his best to act cool around you but literally everyone around two miles would know that he has the biggest possible crush on you

when it comes to playing Video Games together on these chilling evenings (and you're terribly bad at it) Kookie would be always there for you to be in a Team and win these matches nevertheless because he's so damn good in it even when your the last one in Mario Kart

always blushing around you

giggling a lot, so you start to ask yourself if you wear a weird T-Shirt or have things between your teeth, a reason why this guy act like this

doesn't realize that it's a nervous chuckling because he didn't know how to act around you

work out a lot more to look even more maskuline for you

he's afraid that you could be interested in his hyungs and just could see you as the always youngest, cute little boy of all of them

alone the thought how you could look when you see his toned body keeps him going to give all his best in the fitness studio and while dancing

but he would never have the guts to reveal his love to you

even when he ask his hyungs 100+ time how he could ask you out

I think the boys have to help him a lot until you finally come together.

"Y/N? We think there is someone who like to tell you something"

"Hm? What is it, Kookie?

“U-Uhm...”

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Eidolon 10 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:  AU: What started off as the result of a simple act of rebellion ends up causing his life to spin out of control. How will young Danny cope with the results as well as a past that has a strange habit of coming back to haunt him.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, kidnapping, and various other things

Parings: hints of Danny/Sam much later on

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr

10. Aftermath

"So… What do you think he is?" Tucker asked her as they made their way to the kitchen to grab some lunch. It was about noon, and since Danny was still not awake -or showed any signs of waking, he had decided to put food on the top of his priority list. "Don't get me wrong. I'm thankful Danny went all glowy and beat that thing, but something that weird… And you got to admit, it was pretty weird…. Couldn't have come from a human."

"'Glowy'?" Sam asked while trying not to laugh. Oddly enough, it did help to lighten her bad mood brought on by exhaustion, fear, and paranoia. After Danny had somehow magically transported them back to her front yard and passed out, she and Tucker managed to sneak back into her house while carrying him and make it into her room undetected by her parents. Tiring as that and the chase from earlier was she was unable to convince herself they were safe and began constantly checking the window for any signs of the creature. Needless to say, by morning, she hadn't been able to fall asleep.

He just shrugged as he opened the large kitchen door and allowed Sam to pass through first. "I don't know what else to call it. I guess 'luminous' could work, but it doesn't really fit either."

"And 'glowy' does?"

"Probably not, but at least it's specific."

Though she would never admit it out loud, he did have a point. When Danny had taken a stand against the monster, ghost… whatever it actually was, it almost looked as if tendrils of greenish-white energy was wrapping around him. As it became more noticeable, it gave his body the illusion it was actually glowing. Even more startling was the change in his eyes and hair color. His eyes changed to a toxic shade of green which shouldn't exist in this world, and his hair had become a brilliant shade of white with a silvery sheen. After Danny had passed out, the white color seemed to seep out, leaving behind his naturally black hair after a couple minutes. Hopefully his eyes had returned to their natural color too.

"Anyway… what do you think we should take up to Danny?" By the time he spoke, Tucker had already started putting together a rather impressive lunch meat and mayo sandwich on one of the white marble counters. While Sam could not even look at the growing monstrosity, she was impressed by the knowledge he had of her kitchen. He had been over way too many times.

She thought for a moment as she searched one of the polished mahogany cabinets for some supplies of her own. "Well… probably bland foods like toast or rice would be best. Since he tends to get sick after anything weird happens to him, those are the only types of food that shouldn't cause any problems…"

"I didn't… even think about that…" he replied between chews, much to Sam's dismay. "Whatever that power… or weirdness is, it really seems to do a number on him."

"Yeah… and let's just hope it doesn't kill him in the process."

This particular episode had been particularly bad for Danny. Before carrying him into the house, she had checked his vital signs only to find no sign of life. His pulse was nonexistent, his breathing had ceased, and his body was freezing to the touch. Both of them had begun to panic and tried to remember what they could of CPR. Luckily for Tucker -what was it with guys and CPR? - Danny let out a shaky breath even before they got a chance to start.

Unsure what to make of the situation, they just stood there, dumbfounded, for a moment before deciding to take the seemingly unconscious and not dead boy into the house. If it was any other person, she would have called an ambulance without a second thought, but there was no way such strange events could be explained or probably even treated by a doctor. Besides, if he seemed fine now, it was unlikely a doctor would be able to do anything. Originally, they decided whoever woke up first would make sure Danny was still among the living, but with her being unable to sleep she checked on him regularly. His breathing and pulse seemingly remained steady, but his body, though a little warmer, still remained very cool to the touch; Combined with his naturally pale skin kept causing her to compare him to a cadaver.

An awkward tension filled the air for a moment while they made their lunches. Unnerved, Sam was about to say something, but a strange look from Tucker stopped her. "What's wrong?"

"Sam… this might sound weird, but what if that's the point? What if this power that's taken hold of him really is going to kill him?" he asked as he put his sandwich down and looked her in the eyes. "Didn't Danny say something before about how the ghost you two saw in the cemetery said that he didn't belong to this world? And didn't it also suggest he didn't have a lot of time left? And didn't that thing that chased us last night call him 'Ghost Child'…. I don't know about you, but it just seems like, if you think about it, everything's suggesting he's going to die."

"Tucker, how can you say something like that?" she snapped while trying to prevent any emotion, save for anger, from crossing her face. During her vigil, similar thoughts had crossed her mind, but she tried to completely ignore them. She had noticed Danny always seemed drained and weak after the power manifested, almost as if his 'energy or' life was its power source. It seemed quite possible it could kill him if it continued, but the cryptic hints they kept getting suggested maybe that was what the power needed.

No! She wasn't going to think like that! Nothing as horrible as that was going to happen to Danny. They were going to somehow figure out how to help him, and she didn't need such terrible thoughts floating around her mind. She cringed as she once again tried to suppress them. Having the idea be said aloud seemed to somehow confirm it, even with absolutely no proof. "Let's just focus on finishing so we can get back to Danny. I wonder if he's awake yet…"

"If you say so… but before we do that, can you please explain why your toaster's floating?"

Sam had to chuckle as she watched Tucker begin to panic and quickly put space between him and unassuming yet levitating toaster. Glancing at it to make sure it was actually plugged in and in use; she shrugged and moved over to retrieve its contents. "It's from Denmark. This usually happens."

"Wait… what?"

….

Surprisingly, when they returned to Sam's room, Danny was awake and sitting up on the deep purple bed. He looked terrible. His blue eyes were dull, and the dark rings under them attested to just how tired he really was. His body was also incredibly sore and stiff, but nothing more seemed to be wrong with him. Sam couldn't help but be relieved. As she watched him thankfully accept the tray of food, it seemed as if there would be no lasting problems from the night's events.

After finishing his light meal, Danny hesitantly asked what happened the previous night. Unsure where to start, she looked to Tucker for some help, and within a few minutes, the combined effort of the two got him up to speed. He accepted it silently, though Sam did notice he kept looking down at his hands. It was almost as if he was checking to make sure they still looked the same. It unnerved her slightly, but she tried to push it aside as she suggested a good break from all the weirdness would be a monster movie marathon. Both Danny and Tucker gave her looks suggesting they questioned her sanity, but after a few minutes of persuasion and a mention of the room sized television in the entertainment room, they happily changed their minds.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

It was official. The best way to recover from a mysterious paranormal fight was to sit and watch movies in Sam's gigantic theater. Not only did Danny get to relax in some of the most comfortable chairs he had ever encountered, but the ability to laugh with his friends as they poked fun at the terrible effects further alleviated the stress weighing down on him. Surprisingly, they were able to get through three movies without being interrupted.

After glancing at fancy clock hanging from the wall, he realized it was almost dinner time. "Hey, I should probably be getting home soon. Knowing Winston, he'll be getting worried."

"Do you think you're up to walking home?" Sam asked as she gave him an appraising glance. "You're welcome to stay another night."

A chuckle escaped him as he thought about her parents' reactions to the suggestion. Although he had only briefly met them, something told him the couple was already not too fond of him. "I think I can handle it." That was an obvious lie. His body still felt as if he had been put inside of an industrial dryer on spin mode, but how else was he going to get home? He didn't want to impose on Sam, Winston would start asking questions, and he certainly didn't have the money to call a taxi. "Besides, the walking might help with the stiffness."

"Or it could make it worse. Seriously dude, you should be taking it as easy as you can. Kicking some serious butt can be really tiring." Tucker's tone was playful and encouraging, but Danny knew he was trying to hide his own concerns about the strange event. Judging by how Sam and Tucker were acting when they entered the room after he woke up, the two most likely had a serious conversation about what happened. Though they tried to make him feel as if nothing was wrong, he could sense their worry.

He was about to start arguing but Sam quickly cut him off. "If you really think you should leave, at least I can do is to have my driver give you a ride home. I mean, you did save our lives."

"Thanks… but are you sure..? Wait, you have your own driver?" he asked, unsure if he had heard her correctly.

Sam fidgeted for a moment before answering. "Well, he's technically one of the drivers for my family, but I'm on better terms with him than my parents…. So, he's kinda unofficially mine."

"There's more than one…? Never mind." He cut himself off after a moment. "I don't want to know the specifics." The lives of the rich were hard to comprehend.

…..

After about a half an hour, the three of them were in the back of a stretch limo complete with its own mini bar stocked with several foreign drinks. Neither Sam nor Tucker actually needed to come, but they refused to let him go home alone. Danny just figured it was their way of showing concern. Though he didn't really need it, he didn't mind as their presence made the short ride more enjoyable.

When he arrived home, he was expecting a quite scene. Winston's silver Chevy would be sitting in the driveway, and while Winston himself would either be tending his modest garden or doing some paperwork in the study. But, instead of normalcy, chaos greeted him.

Yellow police tape had been placed around the perimeter of the yard and across the open front door. Several police cars were sitting, not only in front of the house, but also in his and the neighbor's driveway. A few officers were standing in the yard talking to each other while wearing serious expressions. Another was entering the house along with a couple people in white uniforms. Before the limo could even come to a stop, Danny jumped out of it and ran to the house, only to be stopped by some of the officers.

"I'm Danny, Winston's charge," he nearly shouted after one of the officers grabbed him while trying to explain he could not enter a crime scene. "What happened? Where's Winston? Does he know? Is he alright?"

"Wait, you're Wolf's kid?" another office asked as he approached. "We put out an alert saying you were missing. So you weren't in the house last night?"

"No, I…"

"Excuse me, Sir," Sam interrupted as she and Tucker ran over. "Danny was with us last night. He was staying over my house."

"He's not in trouble, is he?" There was a noticeable shiver within Tucker's voice, but he was doing his best not to show any other sign of nervousness. "Because we can totally vouch for him! We were with him for most of the day yesterday."

The officer held up his hand as a signal to let him talk. A trouble look crossed his face as he removed his hat and ran his free hand through his graying hair. After collecting himself, he held his hand out for Danny to shake. "I wish we could have met under friendlier circumstances, but I'm Sergeant Ross. We were called to your house after one of your neighbors called in some concerns about the safety of your dad. They thought they had heard gun shots last night but shrugged it off until they realized they never saw him leave the house today. We even received a confirmation from his work that he never arrived."

Danny bit his lip as he listened quietly. Winston almost never missed work, even if he was very sick. So, knowing that, something had to have gone seriously wrong, and Danny wasn't exactly sure if he was ready to find out what.

"I hate to say it, but it was a good thing we did decided to check on him," Ross continued as he looked him in the eye. "Your dad's currently in J. Marley Central Hospital and is being treated for several severe injuries from… what we think was a home invasion."

"No... That's impossible…" Danny stuttered after a few confused moments. "Winston's an ex-marine… He would have fought back. No one could have done that much damage…"

"Son, take it easy. This isn't the time for this…"

"You don't understand! Winston can take care of himself! There's a gun under his mattress for goodness' sake! He's always been prepared for something like this to happen! Some lame burglar couldn't have put him in the hospital!"

"Wait… did you say that Wolf owned a gun?" Ross asked carefully. "What kind was it?"

"I'm not exactly sure…. It's not like I saw it every day or anything," he replied gruffly as he tried to keep his feelings quelled long enough to try and answer the question. It wasn't like the officer had anything to do with Winston being hurt, but he certainly didn't want to be answering any questions. "I know it's some type of hand gun…. Maybe it's a .28… The box of bullets was sitting in the shelf on the study."

A concerned expression crossed the Sergeant's face as he called over to another officer. "Have any of the men found a firearm in or around the premises?" When the man shook his head, Ross' expression became grim. He then told the man to grab a couple of the other officers and search the area again, as well as finding a record of Winston's gun registration. After the other officer left, Ross turned back to Danny. "Well, I can't say I'm pleased by this new information… But I'm glad you mentioned it." He gave the boy a searching look before he spoke again. "I'm going to need to take you down to the precinct so you can give your official statement and maybe answer a few questions. Then we're going to need to go through your house and see if anything has been stolen."

"Wait… now?" Danny half demanded, half choked. "You're not going to let me see Winston first?"

"He's in the hospital…"

"You told me that, but you haven't told me anything else!" He had to fight to keep his voice and hands under control. Something in the back of his mind told him the officer would not appreciate it if he started waving his hands around while he was agitated. "Winston's all I have! I need to see for myself just how bad it is. I'll answer any question you have afterwards, but please, please let me see him first!"

"I can't let you do that."

"Why? Wait… I know what's going on… You think I did this." His eyes narrowed as he pointed at the officer. "I can't believe you! You're supposed to be trying to find whoever did this to Winston! Instead, you're wasting your time looking at me. I wasn't even home last night!" He took a breath to try and calm down for a moment as Tucker put his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. With each breath, he could feel himself shaking in rage. "If anything, you should be looking at that Masters guy…"

It was the officer's turn to be suspicious. "…You don't mean Vlad Masters, do you?"

"I think so… He and Winston don't seem to get along…"

"And don't forget! He's the one who snuck into your house that one day!" Tucker added as he gave a shudder. "That's the day we heard Mr. Wolf yelling. No offense dude, but he's really frightening when he's mad."

"Tell me about it…"

"Back up a minute," the officer interrupted while rubbing his eyes. "You're telling me, Vlad Masters broke into your house. What business does someone like him have in your house?"

Could this officer be any more irritating? Danny had to bite back a sarcastic reply as he answered the officer. "He said he was checking up on Winston since he had to reschedule a meeting… with I guess one of his assistants. According to him, our front door was open, and he went inside to make sure everything was okay." As the officer wrote down something on a little tablet that was pulled out of his pocket, Danny decided he had enough. "Look! I'll answer any of your questions later, but I'm not doing anything else until I get to see Winston!"

….

After a twenty minute standoff, Danny finally got his way. An irritated Sergeant Ross had escorted him to the hospital after finally realizing he wasn't going to get any answers. After the two stepped into the waiting area, he ran to the nearest available teller and practically demanded to know where Winston was being treated. After an agonizingly slow few minutes, he finally got an answer.

In retrospect, running as fast as he could through the halls was probably one of the worst things he could do in the hospital, but he really didn't care. He easily managed to avoid any obstacle he encountered. Who knew there would be so many movable computers, monitors, and people in those maze-like hallways? When he finally reached Winston's room, he was met with a wall of people. Several doctors all wearing dark expressions seemed to be deep in discussion as they blocked the only door into the room.

Unsure how to interrupt the doctors, he was happy to realize Winston's room had a window. Peeking in, he felt his breath hitch as he realized just how serious the attack on his guardian had been. Winston was unconscious and hooked up to a respirator. Several monitors were hooked up to the man, and two IV bags, one of blood and one of clear fluid, were also put in place. What little bit of skin was not covered by bandage or machine looked bruised and swollen. The overall image made Winston look like he was fragile enough to break if he was touched. Danny had to try and hold back tears as he wondered who could have done such a thing.

"How the hell did you get here so fast?" an out of breath voice asked from somewhere behind him making him jump. He turned around to see a rather winded Sergeant Ross giving him a searching look. "I couldn't go more than a few feet without out running into something."

Danny didn't say anything as he turned back towards the window. He didn't want to have Winston out of his sight for more than a few minutes. He just had this feeling something terrible would happen if he did.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you part of Winston's family?" A person wearing a white coat came into the periphery of his vision. Curious, he turned to see a young female doctor extending her hand to him. "I'm Dr. Sabo, and I'm currently in charge of managing him while he's here."

He hesitantly took her hand and explained who he was. "How… how is he?" Even he could hear the unease in his voice.

"That's the big question, isn't it?" Dr. Sabo frowned as she looked towards the window. "I hate to say it, but it's hard to tell at this point. Winston received several odd wounds from the attack."

"Odd…? How so?" the sergeant asked, surprising both Danny and the doctor.

She bit her lip as she tried to find the words to describe her thoughts. "It's the first time any of us have seen wounds like that. They almost seem to be large bullet wounds, but the edges of them act more like burns. And, to make matters worse, we were unable to locate any residual bullets there might have been. We're really at a loss for what happened to him."

"Will he be able to answer any questions?"

"I'm not sure. Winston, although stable, is in a terrible condition. He's going to have to be watched very carefully over the next several days. We're going to do our best to see that he heals, but it will be up to his body to make sure he recovers. From what I can see of him, he appears to be in very good shape for his age, so we're hopeful… but, you can never tell."

The world started to spin as Danny listened to the doctor go into more details about Winston's condition with the sergeant. He allowed himself to slide down the wall and sit as he tried to get some sort of grasp on the situation. He never thought he would be in this situation. He had once joked that Winston was too strong to ever be taken down by anything other than a renegade bus, but this had shown him Winston was human, just like everyone else.

Danny couldn't take it anymore. In an uncharacteristic moment of weakness, he buried his face in his hands and allowed the tears to come. It was a small comfort, but if he was going to have to deal with the police over the next several hours, he was going to need to be as strong as possible.

=======================================

Anyways, a couple things:

J. Marley Central Hospital is not a real place… at least I think so. I named it to keep in line with the ghost theme of the show. Jacob Marley was the first ghost who appeared to Ebenezer Scrooge in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

Dr. Sabo and Sergeant Ross aren't all that important. They're really only there for this section.

And, can I just say that hospitals are the most confusing things on earth? Cuz, they are. There are at least fifteen hospitals within an hour and a half of my house, and all of them are mazes. The floor plans are ridiculous. You can't walk through them without encountering workers, movable computers and/or other medical devices, and let's not forget the robots. Don't ask about that last one. It is really funny to see them having a Mexican standoff though.

[bltngames]

Review: Super Mario Sunshine

Super Mario Sunshine is a weird game for a lot of different reasons. It was among some of the first game reviews I ever wrote for the internet, for one, all the way back in 2005. I was proud enough of that review that when it came time to relaunch TSSZ News in 2008, it was one of five archived reviews I transplanted on to the site. It was also a strange case where I became convinced it was a game I’d never play, originally. I was 23 years old, with no job, no money, and no prospects. I was desperate to play the game that was being sold as the sequel to Super Mario 64, but I could not envision a future where that would ever be possible.

Eventually, I reached my breaking point. Earlier that same year, somebody had linked me to something called “Quake Done Quick.” It was attached to a relatively new site, called the “Speed Demos Archive”, a hub for videos of people finishing games as fast as possible. The site was small, updated manually, and featured a list of roughly 100 games -- maybe less. This was before Youtube, so these were downloadable video files, usually in AVI or MPG format. And it was here that they had a Super Mario Sunshine speedrun. Even on my fledgling broadband internet, it took a considerable amount of time to download. But, with nothing more than two hours of raw, unedited, uncommentated gameplay footage, I watched a user named “Dragorn” play through the entire game (his old run is still viewable on the Internet Archive). Watching a speedrunner flip, spin, and trick his way across levels, I became convinced that Sunshine was incredible.

A few months later, I was surprised by my brother with $200 for Christmas, stuffed inside a greeting card. He said it was for “all the Christmases he missed” since moving out, years ago. Combined with other money I’d received in gifts, I headed to a Gamestop and purchased a Gamecube with my own (used) copy of Super Mario Sunshine. In my mind, it did not matter that I had spoiled the entire game for myself only three months earlier with the speedrun video. Watching someone else play is no substitute for a controller in your own hands. I needed to play it for myself.

In the modern context, Super Mario Sunshine is one of the games attached to the recently released Super Mario 3D All-Stars collection. Full disclosure: I will not be buying this collection, and I have not played the version of Super Mario Sunshine it includes. It’s not that these games are bad, but even from the outside looking in, the collection looks underwhelming. It’s full of basic, bare-bones ports of games that deserve more. But it does mean that these games have been on my mind, particularly Super Mario Sunshine, which I finished replaying, separately, a little more than one year ago. It was the first time I’d finished the game since that fateful Christmas of 2004, and it provided a refresh in perspective.

The truth of the matter is, brushing aside everything else about it, Super Mario Sunshine is an easy game to hate. Nintendo was trying a lot of new things with the Gamecube, struggling to figure out what could be done with the leap in horsepower over the Nintendo 64. Their pitch was a Mario that was subtly more serious and realistic. Sunshine is a game with a surprisingly large number of cinematics, and a considerable amount of narrative setup. It sounds like a joke, but it’s true: the game opens with Mario taking a long-deserved vacation on a tropical island, only to be arrested and wrongfully accused of crimes he did not commit. He is sentenced to community service, forced to clean the island of a paint-like substance its residents claim he has used to vandalize their resort town. This is accomplished with the F.L.U.D.D., a backpack-mounted squirt gun perfect for washing down walls and floors. It was the first manual labor he’d been shown doing since the NES version of Wrecking Crew in 1985.

It’s odd territory for Mario, but it leads to the game’s first real problem: Plot. Sunshine is not a game that’s packed with story -- there aren’t a lot of named characters, and there aren’t a lot of genuine story arcs to get hooked in to, but it’s way more than you got in most Mario games. Regardless, the influence of a narrative structure is definitely felt within its levels. One of the benefits of Super Mario 64 is that there was no set order to anything; you might drop in to a level with a specific goal in mind, only to accidentally stumble on to something else. You were encouraged to follow your curiosity, collecting stars more through natural exploration. Even though it’s not always obvious on the surface, the objectives in Super Mario Sunshine are following a specific plotline, which means flat, rigid linearity.

So you might reach an amusement park area, but you can’t go inside until you finish the mission where you open the front gates. Even once you re-enter the level for the next mission inside the amusement park, exploring its various rides will be a moot point, as the game will want you to focus on a specific goal instead. Want to ride the rollercoaster? Too bad, the story dictates it’s not available yet. Though you still have that go-anywhere, do-anything world design from Super Mario 64, the current mission is the only thing that’s ever active. Another example: at the beginning of the game, you open up the first stage -- Bianco Hills. Even though you have a whole village and a sizable lake area to explore, there’s little to do out there, because your mission is about reaching the bottom of the windmill. The second mission, again, doesn’t involve the village or the lake, but now asks you to reach the top of the same windmill in order to fight the game’s first boss, Petey Piranha. And so it goes: big zones to explore, but most of it useless as Sunshine slowly trickles out objectives one at a time, following a barely-visible narrative that drags everything down.

Nintendo had other intentions for the game, too. The company was known for taking its time with game releases -- Super Mario World released in 1990, and it took six years for Super Mario 64 to follow it up. Even once a game was announced, there were often months or even years of delays as the game got pushed back, and back, and back, as with Ocarina of Time. Similarly long waits happened for many of Nintendo’s other flagship franchises (Super Mario Kart, Super Metroid, etc.), and the peanut gallery was getting restless. With the release of the Gamecube, Nintendo made a vow to explore other avenues to release more games, more quickly.

The problem was, all of those delays are exactly what lead to Nintendo’s extremely high bar of quality. Rushing these games out the door meant cutting corners and finding easy ways to tack on extra play time, skipping necessary fine tuning. In The Wind Waker, this notoriously led to the last fourth of the game, wherein you must find and decode maps to dredge up half a dozen pieces of the magical Triforce. For most, this meant hours of sailing out to random, completely featureless areas in the middle of the open ocean hoping to find a single golden tortilla chip. “Tedious” is putting it kindly, but it saved Nintendo from having to delay the game too many times in order to add more in-depth content.

In Super Mario Sunshine, this manifested in a degree of repetition that is difficult to ignore. In both Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Galaxy, most mission objectives are unique. There are occasional repeated missions, like finding 8 red coins, but by and large it's things like rescuing a baby penguin, opening a pyramid, assaulting an airship, or finding your way through a gravity-bending maze. There's enough variety that you don't notice as much when you're asked to do yet another one of Galaxy's purple coin comets.

Sunshine still has unique goals like that, but they are much fewer and farther between. Instead, the bulk of the game is filled with doing the same four or five missions over, and over, and over again. Finding fruit to hatch Yoshi or hunting red coins can be fun occasionally, but Sunshine often makes you do this stuff multiple times per level. Most bosses also must be faced at least twice, sometimes up to three times, and very little changes from fight to fight. And then there are the races -- a man named Piantissimo is waiting for you in most stages, looking to race you to an arbitrary landmark, and every single level has one penultimate mission where you must chase down the hero's evil doppelganger, Shadow Mario. It’s padding, basically, and thanks to a tenuous grip on narrative, there’s few ways to skip the things you don’t want to do.

This isn't even touching on the game's blue coins. They're one of Sunshine's rarer collectibles, and ten blue coins can be traded at the shop for a single Shine Sprite (the main item central to the story). The majority of blue coins can be found by hosing down graffiti found around the island. Spray a circle-shaped pattern on one wall, and a blue coin pops out of another circle-shaped pattern on the opposite side of the level, which you must run to and collect before it disappears. Then, the opposite: spray down the second pattern, and another blue coin will appear back where the first graffiti used to be. In a game full of rerun objectives, this is the worst offender. Rarely are these blue coin graffiti spots interesting or challenging; they primarily exist to fill space and fluff up the Shine counter.

The level concepts themselves also suffer from this repetition. In any other Mario game, “tropical island” would be one theme among many other level types, like deserts, volcanoes and frozen lakes. Sunshine tries to stretch its one theme out to last an entire game, and in practical terms, this means that even after 18 years and two complete playthroughs (three, if you count the speedrun video), I still can’t remember most areas in any kind of specific detail. I remember a couple stage names, maybe a few environmental traits (like the hotel at sunset or the amusement park), but anything beyond that and it all starts blurring into homogeneous beaches, docks, and villages. Even the music -- beyond the iconic acoustic guitar of the Delfino Plaza hub world song, absolutely nothing about Super Mario Sunshine’s soundtrack stands out as memorable in the slightest. Every part of this game plays, looks and sounds like every other part in the worst way possible.

And yet, through some miracle, Super Mario Sunshine does not come out the other end being a bad game. It’s not necessarily good, either, mind you. But when I finally managed to get my hands on this game back in 2004, it made me angry. Super Mario 64 was a tough act to follow, and rather than build on those concepts, Sunshine felt like a massive regression. Nowadays, it’s easier to see the bigger picture. Super Mario Sunshine was a stop-gap as Nintendo slowly pushed Mario back to a more linear, level-based structure. Super Mario Galaxy was another step in this direction, doing away with the open worlds in favor of traditional, straight-forward level design, something that would later be perfected in Super Mario 3D Land and Super Mario 3D World.

That makes Sunshine more of a curious black sheep than anything else. It’s definitely not a game worth hating -- its biggest offense is simply being dull, and there are worse fates. For my replay, it became the sort of game I chipped away at, bit by bit, over the course of nearly three years. As it turns out, the best cure for repetition is to forget everything you were doing the last time you played. It’s even fitting on some level that a game about Mario taking a vacation is best served in lazy, slow, indifferent chunks. Make no mistake -- there are better, more polished, and more engaging platformers out there for you to play. It is in no way a stretch to call Super Mario Sunshine the worst 3D Mario game, but it speaks to the franchise’s high bar of quality that even the worst 3D Mario game really isn’t so bad.

[mybodyliberation]

My Mooncup Experience | Paid Partnership

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of working with Mooncup on a new campaign in which they talked to us, real Mooncup users, about our experiences with the product.

The first thing I should say is that this was a paid experience that came with multiple prilveges including being compensated for my time, efforts, and content creation.

Secondly I want to recognise my privilege in menstrual cups being accessible for me. I recognise that each body is incredibly different and what is comfortable for me might not be comfortable for you. I recognise that having access to menstrual cup, and also a body that responds well to them is a privilege. I want to acknowledge the economical privileges that come from having access to ethical products for menstruation because we are not all in that position. If menstrual cups don't work for you that is more than okay. I would still encourage you to look into the resources out there for accessing ethical and reusable menstrual products.

Now discussing my period history and health in such an open way really moved me to focus on my motivators and the more we talked the more it made me realise that the biggest motivators for me was having something that forced me to be in my body and allowed me to have control of my lifestyle.

You see it's incredibly easy for us to pass through our lives every day without checking in with what our body is residing to. We get stuck in routines and adapt to living with discomfort and shy away from change because we love structure. In the later part of my 20s it became incredibly apparent to me that I wasnt tuned in with my body at all. I would be surprised at its fatigue, I would be baffled at my pre menstrual symptoms and be confused if there was ever any pain. I wasn't clocking the transitions my body shifts through and I was sick of feeling out of control. I didn't want to live in a state of confusion and surprise at my body. I wanted to work alongside it and give it the respect it needed. Part of that was transitioning out of using disposable menstrual products. I knew my body wasnt responding to that lifestyle anymore.

The stress alone of tracking my days around my periods was manifesting in anxiety and irritability. I've always had heavy periods and it's never been fun or convenient changing super super tampons every few hours. I initially looked into the Mooncup and was instantly terrified because I said, I was in my routine and structure and anything new and unknown just didn't seem that appealing. I backed off and told myself I'd get to it. I'd get to it.

Eventually one day when I was talking to my colleagues in a dressing room just before a show, I got to it. We started talking about the fact that most of our periods were coming up. I've tracked my periods for years. I commented out loud that my period was due and how frustrated I was to know I'd be darting back and forth between scenes changing tampons.

The conversation turned to menstrual cups and I realised I was ready. I was ready to set my lifestyle free and I was ready to really be part of a present process engaging with my period. Cut to last summer. I did a shout out on my socials and had an incredible engaging conversation with all of you about periods and ethical menstrual products.

I ended up taking a quiz about the type of menstrual cup best for me, because there are variety, and landed on the Mooncup.

I reached out to them and begun the three month documented transition of moving into using a reusable menstrual cup. It was one of the most fascinating periods of time in which I consciously began engaging with my body in a way I had never done before. It was no longer a passive exercise that I was trying to get to the otherwise of. It was an experience in learning what my body likes and doesn't, what it needs and what it doesn't.

The first time I still did the old routine of darting back and forth between the bathroom and I found they were wasted trips because everything was fine. It was pretty comical to watch my first fumbles and gymnastics moves for insertion and honestly the less tense I was, the easier it became. The more willingness I had to just engage the more fun I had. I stopped trying to have expectations beyond just engaging in each moment and learning what I could.

I found it to be quite spiritually aligning. You are brought back to the basics and witnessing the movements of your body. I began to really negotiate and communicate with myself and internally dialogue. This is the amount of blood that passes. This is the colour and consistency and here are the meanings behind it.

These are the movements and positions that are comfortable for inserting the Mooncup, and actually my body is incredible flexible and capable. Here is the amount of time my period now lasts. I realised that before disposable products this is where we lived. Historically those of us experiencing periods were actively choosing reusable products because that was what we had.

We learned to navigate our lifestyles and spaces and interactions with ourselves. It made me realise there is this whole other option out there that is not only beneficial for me but for the environment and honestly why wouldn't we want to be active in helping our planet if we are in the position to do so? I looked into other sustainable menstrual products and even purchased period pants to have the ability to switch between reusable products because it was a privilege I could afford at that time.

It was the alignment of thought and body and it's something I've been searching for, for a long time without realising. Unconsciously I'd made the decision to not use birth control to manipulate my periods. I recognised the need to allow my body to natural move because that's what was right for me.

The time between my periods has oscillated back into its natural rhythms. I'm consciously in a place to recognise my pre menstrual symptoms. My periods don't last for as long as they arent all as heavy consecutively as they used to be. There has been a change for me. One that I've loved and don't see myself turning away from. Its pretty darn wonderful and I'm pretty darn grateful.

So if theres one thing I could say its, find what is going to work with you, but get back in check with your body because you and your body deserve it.

[popatochisssp]

Make Your Mark, 8/10

Series: Undertale, Swapfell Relationship(s): SF!Papyrus/Reader Chapter Warnings:  Potential tw before the cut for being drunk around unpleasant people, nothing happens but could be scary, take care of yourselves!

AO3 Link

In a world where soulmates exist, monsters and humans have one thing in common: the first time two soulmates touch, a mark randomly appears somewhere–anywhere– on their bodies to represent their match.

It still doesn’t make relationships easier…but maybe it does make them a little more interesting!

You…may have made some bad decisions.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time to go out and celebrate your move to a brand new city. You didn’t have any friends yet to go with, or any idea of where to go, but you didn’t really see why that should stop you from having a good time.

You were in Ebott now, the very definition of excitement and opportunity!

…But…you were coming to realize that there was perhaps such a thing as too much excitement.

Casual revelry with strangers at a monster bar was fun at first. So were the glowing, sparkling, color-changing drinks they’d encouraged you to try, even buying them for you when you admitted you were on a bit of a budget.

You’d been having a great time.

But now, somewhere between the drinks and the strangely-colored smoke in the air, you’re…kind of intoxicated and… the smiles your new monster friends are giving you seem to be taking a turn for the sinister.

You wave off the next glass slid your way and get up, trying not to stumble. You’re met with groans, chiding and coaxing you to stay, just a little longer, but no, no, you really can’t.

You’re disoriented, struggling to remember where the exit was and how to get there while cloying claws and paws and tentacles brush against you, not quite trying to hold you back…

Yet.

It occurs to you that probably every eye in this place is squarely on you—the lone, dizzy human making itself easy pickings—and it sets your heart going hard against your ribs, robbing you of precious breath.

For one terrifying second, you feel like you’re about to faint.

And then, an arm drapes across your shoulders, pulling you into somebody.

You look up into the eye-lights of an actual skeleton— tall and menacing, with one gleaming golden fang.

“you’re cute,” he tells you in a low, raspy voice. “let’s get out of here.”

“Uhh—?”

You don’t have a chance to argue.

The skeleton is strong and he tows your dazed and staggering self along with him like it’s nothing, and you certainly don’t have the wherewithal to fight him.

You look around and in a moment of clarity, you realize you’re suddenly being given a very wide berth.

You don’t know what to make of that.

As you’re dragged out of the bar, into the empty street behind it, the ever-worsening nature of your predicament hits you: you were really, actually about to become a statistic, mugged or murdered or worse in an alley with no one around for miles to call or even notice you were missing.

You think you’re too scared right now to even scream for help, anyway.

Suddenly, you stagger as the arm around you unceremoniously lets go.

“……sorry,” the skeleton says. “i shoulda asked ‘fore i… i just……didn’t really have any other…ideas…”

All you can do is stare at him, blankly.

Under your gaze, his cheekbones go a stunning shade of violet and he turns to stare at the wall of the building, like he can’t quite look at you.

“i mean. you… you just…looked kinda nervous? i…i saw you an’ thought, ‘hell, i know that feeling,’ an’ you didn’t come in with anybody, so. …not!” he hastily adds, “that i was watchin’ you or anything, uh, weird, just, humans, you stick out, an’ you were alone, so if you needed help, i………”

The skeleton pauses, sweat beading along his skull as something seems to occur to him.

“maybe you were havin’ fun?” he wonders with a wince. “in which case, i, uh…probably ruined your night ‘cause i didn’t… i didn’t even ask you…!”

He breaks off with a wordless noise of embarrassed frustration and your fuzzy brain can’t quite parse…most of all that anxious word-vomit, but you at least get the last bit.

“I wasn’t,” you hastily blurt out. “I wasn’t…having fun, I… Thank you, for…for getting me out of there? I… Thanks.”

The skeleton looks very relieved to hear that.

“o-oh…yeah, that’s…it’s fine,” he shrugs, with the most forced nonchalance you’ve ever seen in a shrug. “i mean, you probably shouldn’t…go places like that alone, though? humans know about the buddy system, don’t they?”

You can’t be sure, but you might be blushing, too.

“Yeah, well… I didn’t see you with a buddy,” you mutter, maybe a little childishly.

“i got…connections,” the guy tells you. Then, he laughs a little. “…nyeheheh, and a…a pretty good ‘resting bitch face.’”

You snort. “Yeah? Let’s see it.”

The skeleton takes your dare and it’s like flipping a switch—the shy magic coloring vanishes from his cheekbones and he fixes you with a look nothing short of stony. His expression is flat and his skull is abruptly all sharp, spooky angles where there’d only just been a cute, sheepish grin.

He tilts his head back, just so, and you think you understand now why nobody tried to stop this monster from absconding with you: looking like this, he seems like the type of guy who really would’ve dragged you into this alley to murder you.

“Snrk…holy shit. That’s… that’s really good, dude!”

The skeleton flips right back the second you laugh, looking inordinately pleased with himself.

“papyrus,” he says, introducing himself at last, and you happily introduce yourself in return.

When he asks if you’ve got a ride home and you admit that you don’t know your new address too well—you wrote it down, on your phone, but of course it’s dead, your forethought is in peak form tonight—he offers to let you spend the night at his place.

It’s probably another bad idea and maybe you’re still reeling a bit from all the monster-drinks and secondhand who-knows-what, but he feels like a nice guy.

Trustworthy.

You let Papyrus take you home with him.

-

It turns out you put your faith in the right skeleton.

Even though he only had his own bed to offer you and you insisted he not go sleep on the floor, you woke up safe, sober, and fully-clothed (albeit very thoroughly cuddled).

You stayed the morning to make breakfast, as a ‘thank you.’ You met Papyrus’ very scary brother who stared at you across the table until Papyrus wandered in and eased some of the tension.

It was still a little awkward—turns out, Papyrus’ default state was ‘quiet’ and he spent most of the time wolfing down his syrup-drowned pancakes while Sans held eye-contact with you and downed a whole bottle of Sriracha (a power move?), but somehow, by the end of it…

You still decided to give Papyrus your number, in case he ever wanted to hang out or…do whatever. You were new to the city and anyone you could call a friend was a good person to know!

All things considered, it wasn’t long before Papyrus went from ‘friend’ to ‘boyfriend.’ He was a sweet guy with a real gift for snuggling and an untapped well of affection that he was happy to shower you in with only the slightest provocation.

Just a few short months after your first near-disastrous night in Ebott things are going great for you—you’ve got a decent job, actual furniture in your apartment, a cuddlebug boyfriend, and even a passing civil relationship with said boyfriend’s brother.

There’s not a single thing you would change about your life right now!

…Except…

Well.

You have a soulmark.

Which is either really, really good, or really, really bad.

You found it when you got home from that first breakfast, after your…unpleasant…night at the bar.

You’d been out of it and so many strange and dubiously-intentioned monsters had brushed up against you, skin to scales and slime and any number of textures.

Really, any one of the people there that night could’ve sparked your soulmark to manifest.

In your heart—and maybe even all the way down to your soul—you know which strange and dubiously-intentioned monster you want to have left the twisting strings of ivy wrapped around your belly, climbing up your torso and always seeming to have moved from the last time you looked.

And…Papyrus has a soulmark, too, you’ve seen it, so he’s…

It’s probably yours.

But you’re just not sure.

It doesn’t really matter if it isn’t, of course: you’d rather be dating Papyrus than any of the shady creeps who’d plied you with drinks that night, and even if he’d gotten his own mark long before he met you, he seemed perfectly content with your relationship; more than!

It doesn’t matter… but there’s still a part of you that wants to know.

-

Papyrus is sprawled out on the couch, and you’re lying on top of him.

It’s not the most comfortable position for you, with him being a literal skeleton and all, but he told you once that he likes to feel you on him, so you’re hanging in there awhile longer.

And thinking about the soulmark thing again.

Papyrus seems to notice your preoccupation and cranes his neck down a little to nuzzle your hair.

“what’cha thinkin’ about?” he murmurs.

You don’t see any reason to lie.

“The night we met,” you say. “…you were pretty smooth back then. Y’know, the first…five minutes or so, at least.”

You bounce a little as he laughs.

“daiquiris, angel,” Papyrus winks up at you. “coupla those an’ i’m a regular casanova.”

You snicker…but, “Knight in shining armor, more like.”

His skull turns a very cute shade of lilac.

“…aaahhh, stop,” he grumbles. “it wasn’t…that big a deal……”

“It was to me!” you insist, pushing yourself up on his ribs. “You saved my ass and you know it, Rus.”

“mmmnn…s’a cute ass…”

Papyrus was hot garbage when it came to just accepting a compliment.

You fully intend to work on that, but you decide to have mercy on him and let it go for now.

Instead, you go for a different sort of gamble.

“You’re just saying that ‘cause we’re soulmates,” you accuse.

You keep your eyes on Papyrus’ face, not sure what kind of reaction you’re looking hoping for.

The way he just…smiles at you, eye-sockets crinkling at the corners, feels a little like running into a step on the stairs that you didn’t know was there.

“nah,” he says, “it’d be cute no matter what.”

You sag a little in sheer surprise— was it really that easy?—and Papyrus tilts his head, trying to piece together what’s going on in your head.

For as awkward as he is around people, he’s not half-bad at jumping to conclusions.

“……did you…not know?”

“No,” you hasten to assure him, “no, I…knew. Or, I mean, I kinda figured… I hoped, mostly, but…” You laugh a little, more at yourself than anything. “It was kind of a…weird…night, and we never exactly talked about it…”

Slowly, but surely…

Papyrus starts to snicker.

And then to outright laugh.

“nyeheheheheheh, holy shit,” he wheezes, “i thought i was bad… yuh…you weren’t sure and you took this long to ask about it??? pfft, stars above,you’re the best…”

If it wasn’t for the total, unflinching sincerity in that last bit, you think you might be a little offended.

As it is, you don’t really protest very hard when Papyrus deftly turns you over on top of him, so your back is to his chest, or when he starts to wriggle a bit and you can’t really see what he’s doing.

Apparently, he was shrugging off his jacket.

When he wraps his arms around you again, they’re bare and you can see the artful line of feathers along them, trailing all the way down from his scapulae.

“why d’you think i call you ‘angel’ so much?” he chuckles, setting his jaw atop your head. “m’wearin’ your wings…”

He says it so simply, so matter-of-fact…

And honestly, it’s everything you needed to hear.

You’re so glad Papyrus found you.

UT!Sans | UT!Papyrus | US!Sans | US!Papyrus | UF!Sans | UF!Papyrus | SF!Sans | HT!Sans | HT!Papyrus

[lichen-soup-scribe]

DEMONBUSTER.COM

If you, like myself, are deeply amused by the particular strain of fundamental Christianity that sees demons around every corner, you owe it to yourself to spend some time poking around on DEMONBUSTER.COM. (Volume warning!)

Per the Wayback Machine, this website has been around since 1998. It was founded by Stan and Elizabeth Madrak, self-described “Deliverance Ministers.” The site is aimed primarily at helping Christians root out the demons in their own lives: “EVERYONE HAS DEMONS, NO EXCEPTIONS,” as it boldly states.

Incredibly, the website has barely changed since its inception -- it’s still mostly a single, extremely long homepage full of centered and frequently all-capsed text; the same midi file still plays in the background. But over the years, the site’s owners added an ever-growing list of articles on the various types of demons they’ve identified; testimonials from site visitors; ramblings on scriptures; MP3 recordings of “deliverance” sessions; and much, much more.

That’s the good stuff. 

Below are a few particularly choice tidbits, sorted into categories. I encourage you to poke around the site for yourself, but content warning for homophobia and the labeling of mental illnesses, physical ailments, other religions and ... pretty much everything as demonic. 

And as the site itself warns:

Although you do not have to feel anything to know that demons have left you, some come out in a yawn, coughing, tears, gas, mucus, screaming, and vomiting. I recommend you don't listen to these tapes while sitting at your keyboard at work, just in case, or have a bucket ready. If you are playing these at work, your boss may not understand if your demons start screaming or you puke on your keyboard. Your boss may have you locked up if your demons start talking or screaming out loud. Talking demons are quite common.

The good stuff starts below the cut!...

___’s a demon

Candles - Don't Burn Them; Get Them Out Of Your Home!

Cards - Poker or Fish, they are called the devil's bible

Diabetes - Squid like demons attack ten parts of your body

Dolls, toys, and stuffed animals - better burn them too: one of the wildest pages on the whole site and a great starting point

“Housecleaning - Get rid of it: owls, frogs, hearts, dolls, unicorns, statues, candles, drums, bells, and more”

Paisley Print Pattern - May be harboring demons

Poverty -- Maybe this is why you are poor

Trolls

Weather Demons by Name - We Can Take Authority over It!

Testimonials

“Binding demons”

Prior to knowing anything about DELIVERANCE, someone told us they had a demon living in their home. They could see the demon. They did have knowledge of "binding", so they merely bound the demon in JESUS' name. I have never heard how long a demon can stay bound, but this person said the demon was "frozen" in their doorway of the kitchen for about six months. It was then the person found out they had the authority to make the demons leave using the name of Jesus. It did.

“Potty trained after deliverance”

"Well my baby boy has been difficult to potty-train. He is past the age that he should be trained and I was getting really tired of it. I would sit him in the toilet for a long time and nothing would happen. When I would put him back in diapers, he would go! And I was sick and tired of it. So I got really mad, sat him in the potty and told him he had to "go". The baby started screaming and I got the idea that it was a demon. So I commanded it to manifest and give me his name. The baby continued screaming and saying: "You can't make me, you can't make me". I insisted in the demon telling me his name, so the Holy Spirit said: "That's his name, "you can't make me". I commanded it out. The baby had deliverance and he has been potty-trained since."

“Fat and various demons”

A lady had been using an underarm anti-perspirant and deodorant scented spray for about two weeks. A painful rash developed in her armpits. We cast out a spirit of anti-perspirant, pain, and probed for others without success. We spoke healing and within two days the problem had disappeared.

General batshittery

Speaking in tongues

You can PRAY IN TONGUES under your breath while working or listening to someone else talk. Try it, especially when someone is being rude to you.

The Box

Father, in the name of Jesus, I put this demon in THE BOX. I tie that box up with iron chains and fetters. I fill that box with the Blood of Jesus. I ask for two angels to go into THE BOX to read you the Word of God day and night, night and day. You will get no peace and no rest. I fill that box with the Glory of God to blind you. I put a gag in your mouth so you cannot communicate with any other demons or the devil himself. 

Dolls, toys and stuffed animals, again

POKEMON in Japanese means "POCKET MONSTER". These little toys come in all shapes, one is a UNICORN, there are gold plated tokens and secret boxes to place the figures in which draws the children to buy them. I have heard children in stores, BEGGING their parents for POKEMON gameboys, videos and games... THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL... (TAKE A BREATH)

And remember: “DELIVERANCE IS OPTIONAL. YOU MAY KEEP ALL YOUR DEMONS IF YOU WANT.”

[afrocentric-divination]

Afro’s Card Interpretation

This is a tarot and oracle interpretation for @floatingontheground . I put a star next to that one position that you said flubbed you up, so if you want to just scroll to that part you can. Also, unless the position only had one card, I also bolded the card names so you can quickly see what each card means. Hopefully, with everything together including that one position, you’ll be able to get the big picture. 

Thank you for allowing me to interpret your cards, love!

What you want: Temptation is a given. You wish for someone to be exciting, You want your relationship to be exciting. You wish for adventure, for continuous lust. You pretty much you wish for this other person to make you the center of attention and to always be doing things to gain your attention, even after they already have it. You wish to feel like a high schooler too, or at least experience young love. Have butterflies in your stomach and to always get a giddy feeling when you guys hang out. To sneak out and go somewhere private and then come back and act like nothing. The fun, the excitement, and kind of love that never feels like it's getting old, but with a heightened need for touch. On top of that, you also don't want to be lusted after so much that you are put on this pedestal (The reversed aspect of the card). You want the person to want you but not because of what you look like but for the content of your character. For your mind and how you carry yourself. You are more than what you look like on the surface and if you are to be in a relationship with someone they need to understand that they need to get to know you for you. 5 of Swords talks about defeat and the feeling you get when someone does the complete opposite of what you want. Or when they do what everyone has been doing for some time know when they get to know you. They spark up a conversation and quickly get to talking about your appearance. Its the same thing all the time, and it's annoying you and making you want to that relationship you want even more.

What you need: You need someone to build with you even out of the relationship or from a platonic standpoint (3 of Pentacles) and you need someone to show you the silver lining in everything (5 of Water). You tend to get distracted by the thing that doesn't matter the most, the thing you lost in the past, the things that have hurt you. You wish thing could be different and you end up not only getting lost in your thoughts but your emotions. Thinking about that one thing that happened years ago can turn your whole day around. While this person can't change you, they can encourage you to change. You need someone who is encouraging no matter what they. You need someone who realizes that you will bring yourself down a lot, and it's not because you want to be sad all the time, it's just how you are.

What you deserve: You deserve someone who can make up their mind (2 of Pentacles reversed) and you deserve someone who's got some spunk to them. A fire in their eyes, a life to live. Excitement is coming back up with this card (Ace of Fire) and it just shows that while you may not live a boring life, you wish for something a little bit more than what you deal with on an everyday basis. If his life ain't exciting, if he doesn't have anything going for himself, if he doesn't have a plan for himself and eventually a plan for the 2 of you, then he's not what you deserve. You need ambitions, a purpose, or at least an idea of one. Someone to match the work ethic you have (Cause it can be tiring being the only one doing all the working and then not having someone to relate to about working as hard as you do).

Inner obstacle: This one is also self-explanatory. You keep fighting with yourself. You may have been presented with some really good potential people to start a relationship with, but your so used being let down that you usually talk yourself out of whatever that being started between you and the other person. To get what you wish for you have to let your guard just a little bit. Stop talking yourself out of dates and out of getting to know someone and do it just to see where it goes. Just because someone isn't the right one for you doesn't mean it is the end of the world. You're used to saying no but you take it to heart when you have to say no. Learn how to say no and be ok with it. No is a complete sentence. You should be confident in it and be able to walk away knowing you said just enough with that one word.

*Outer Obstacle: So let's start with the position and work our way down. This is the "outer obstacle." The obstacle that is not about you internally but about you outwardly. This can also not be about you and be even more "outer" than you think.

Now the Prince of Wands is also (I assume) the page of wands. Wands meaning action and high energy and prince (or page) meaning (in this case) a young person.

So you outer obstacle is people who can not commit to what they started. They are young or young-minded. They seem like they want a relationship with you but they always drop off and go to the next "best" thing or they may lose interest entirely. They are emotionally and energetically inept to handle a relationship let alone a relationship with you. This seems like it doesn't have anything to do with you, but this is about relationships and you decide who you want to put your energy into. Therefore, this is who you end up always gravitating towards. This is your type that you haven't shaken off yet. And until you learn how to steer clear of them, you will most likely always end up falling for these types of people. One way of avoiding another headache is to go back to the "what you deserve" position and look for some ambition. Do they see a future with you? What future do they have for themselves? If there is nothing planned out, not even their day to day and they're just out and about because then you need to leave them be. It's not worth it trying to start something with someone who cants start anything within themselves (whew chile!)

Overcoming inner obstacles: (I think you meant to put Queen of Earth) You have to be patient with yourself. Realize that you will jump to conclusions literally and end things prematurely because of your thoughts and emotions and your past. Learn to slow down and see where things will go. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the fun of finding things out, regardless of the outcome is positive or negative. And even if things don't go the way you wished, try to have some fun while doing it. And when things drop, learn from it, go with the flow, and move on. Don't let your anxieties stop you from living your life. Get that d*** appointment, get kissed on, go on a date, and keep it moving.

And if you really don't want to give out your energy like that, still enjoy yourself. You can still talk to them all. You don't have to stay to yourself, because if you do you'll end up missing out on the person who is willing to be what you need, want, and deserve.

Overcoming outer obstacles: This is a very interesting card but it requires you to remember another aspect of the reading that keeps coming up

We tapped into the fact that you keep interacting and finding these people who aren't for you because you're attracted to the artificial energy and ambition they put out. And we also tapped into the fact that you turn to hold on to feel about your past not going the way you wished it to. To get over that, you have to stop thinking about what it is you wish for and just experience life, which is kind of on the same energy as the last position. But the twist is that be happy to have options. Acknowledge that you even keep bumping into people who at the time wish to be with you. This is not to say be grateful or to say that you should indulge in all of them, but that your energy is big enough and powerful enough and full enough for others to want to get a taste. It should be a compliment that so many people take interest in you so quickly. Instead of paying attention to the fact that they leave, pay more attention to fact that they come to you and that you always have options, whether you choose one or not.

Something to embrace that will help you manifest: Once again, ignoring the bad and the ugly and embracing a different viewpoint You gotta put to the side everything you don't like and find new things to look forward to, to get excited about. Being upset about what you don't have is going to be never-ending because there will always be something that you'll never have. Practice abundance and the law of attracting by only looking about what you appreciate and like (or even love) and ride off of that positive energy as much as you can.

Overall, I'm getting that your cards are just telling you that you can't put your life on hold all because your life isn't picture perfect or isn't going according to plan. Go out anyway. Talk to them anyway. Experience who you are with them anyway. Life is meant to be lived, not controlled. Eventually, love will come to you when you most need it, and the more you open yourself up to others the better the chance you'll meet them when you're not even paying attention.

For others who might want interpretations, I don’t mind doing them but I charge as my time and energy are very valuable to me. If you're interested in getting a second opinion from me, DM or PM for details 🖤

🔮 – PRICES - PAST READINGS - PAYPAL - VENMO - CASHAPP - FACTS & TERMS – 🔮

[prettyfunkyunorganized]

Sugar Daddy Hanzo part 10

Good evening everyone! Or whatever time of day it is where you are. I’ve got another chapter for you today, but first a few announcement-y things:

1. Just moved and started grad school so I’m busy AF, so if chapters continue to be a bit shorter than they were at the beginning, that’s why.

2. I am starting up a new tag on my blog that will be side info about this story - stuff written from Hanzo’s POV, fun facts, ideas I’m considering, and questions for you! You can always submit questions too via the ask feature on Tumblr or you can use the tag #sugardaddyhanzoextras (sugar daddy hanzo extras). That is the tag I will be using for all this type of content and if you would like to be tagged, feel free to let me know!

3. I love you. 

So yeah, that’s it! Here are 2,800ish words of mush essentially. 

BTW, this whole business world AU is based on my bud @watch-your-grammer‘s post here. She’s glorious and so is her work.

The rest of the story: pt one, pt two, pt three, pt four, pt five, pt six, pt seven, part eight, part nine

Waking up had never been so difficult. Your eyelids dragged, almost impossibly heavy, but not nearly as stiff as your arms. Every shallow, tentative breath was a struggle, and your chest ached with each inhale. Each exhale. You looked around the brightly lit room and frowned. “Guess we’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto,” you grumbled to yourself, “or maybe I’m the witch – certainly feel like I’ve been hit with a house.”

By some odd circumstance, it looked like you had the room to yourself, the bed to your right was folded up tight with precise corners as starkly white as the walls and ceiling above you. Everything was so . . . sterile, as if you had been transported to your very own dimension, removed from the rest of Earth. It was unsettling.

And sad.

Your chest tightened in a familiar way that had nothing to do with your injury, it was a painful manifestation of your growing disappointment and loneliness.

“You’d think the gals would at least come by to see me,” you whispered as tears welled in your eyes, “and if getting shot isn’t enough to get Mom and Dad to come visit me, what is?”

In a burst of realization, you remembered what had happened and put a hand over your breast, a powerful tenderness warning you to be gentle.

“Holy fuck I got shot,” you gulped looking for the nurse call button and slamming it while trying to tame your breathing.

After a brief pause that seemed to last ages, a nurse swung open your door and scuttled in, but not before you saw what looked like a dark suit a dark expressing in the hallway.

“Well, hello there,” the tall man in scrubs said with a smile. The bright corgi pattern on his shirt relaxed you for some reason, maybe it was because that was the first bit of color you had seen since you awoke.

“Hi,” you said softly.

“You look scared,” he murmured kindly, “don’t be. We got you all patched up, and you’re going to be fine.”

“Oh thank goodness,” you sighed, running your hands over your face. Of course you knew that you were alive, but hearing a nurse say ‘you’re not dying’ still made you feel a thousand times better.

“Do you remember what happened,” he asked. You nodded. “Good. And how are you feeling?”

“Uh,” you hesitated, “pretty shitty? But not dead so, I could be worse?”

He chuckled, “Very true. Feeling sore in your chest, right?”

“Oh yeah,” you groaned.

“We will get you something to help with that and check over your bandages here in a sec, I just want to tell you what we’ve done on our end if you’re feeling up to that.”

“Sure,” you nodded, trying to glance out the window so you could figure out if what you had seen was what you were desperately hoping to see. Then again, it was a hospital, and there were likely hundreds of patients here with worried family.

And Hanzo wasn’t family.

And he hadn’t taken you back.

And the nurse in all his corgi covered glory was in your way.

“Alright,” he said looking at the digital display on his arm, “you were brought in with a bullet wound in the chest, it went right through you, but went through your lung.”

“My lung,” you gaped in horror.

“Yes,” he confirmed, “that is what caused you so much trouble, but medicine has come a long way, and we were able to have your stem cells from your baby teeth flown in and have started growing you some new lung tissue. We had to do one surgery to keep you alive, so your left lung is currently dormant, and your right is doing all the work, which is probably why you’re likely feeling a little like you’ve been running a lot and haven’t quite caught your breath. Once your new tissue is ready, we will get you into the OR again have you feeling right as rain before you know it.”

“Wait,” you said reeling at what he’d just said. You knew your baby teeth could provide stem cells for fancy medical stuff, but patching up your lung? “So . . . you’re going to be able to just cover up the holes in my lung?”

“Yes, ma’am, just like a punctured tire.”

“Ew,” you grimaced at his analogy.

He laughed, “Yeah, sorry. The other nurses say I’ve got a way with words, but I’m not sure if they mean that as a compliment.”

“I mean, it helped me understand,” you shrugged, “but is my lung still going to be able to function normally with a patch? Am I not going to live as long or something because of this?”

“Actually, the procedure has been tested very thoroughly on patients with lung cancer, and there is very little if any loss of functionality. Patients with renewed lungs climb Everest, run marathons, and live long healthy lives – so long as they take care of themselves, that is. If you eat fast food every day or do drugs and die young, you can’t blame that on the new tissue.”

“Of course,” you nodded. “That’s pretty god-damned amazing.”

“It sure is,” he beamed, “the biggest inconvenience is the post-op checkups and drugs to help encourage faster healing, but all that will be finished up in a few months.”

“Good to know,” you sighed, a thin smile forming on your lips.

“Anything else you need right now, or should I start taking a look at you?”

“I – well, actually,” you fumbled, try to lean over and see the window, but you cringed at the pain, “could you just tell me if I have anyone out there waiting to see me? I – I thought I recognized someone.”

“You sure do,” the nurse said with a playful shake of his head, “you’ve had lots of people come in and out to see you, but it’s late at night right now, so the only one here at the moment is the older gentleman in the suit who basically never leaves. Man’s practically a part of the furniture now.”

You grinned so wide your chapped lips hurt, but you couldn’t stop. “Is his name Hanzo? Is he still out there? Will you tell him not to leave yet?”

“Calm down, calm down,” he laughed, backing toward the door, “I’m sure he’s still here, and I’d be happy to tell him you want to speak with him.”

“Thanks,” you said, blushing at your girlish excited outburst.

Without entirely closing the door behind him, the nurse spoke quietly with Hanzo, who had been waiting with an impatient look on his face. The instant you saw him you were relieved. In all honesty, you would have been happy to see anyone you knew out there, but knowing it was him was almost too good to be true.

The nurse came back in and asked you a few more questions while surveying your condition and giving you a bit of pain medication, but ‘not enough to make you all loopy,’ as per your request. Pain meds had always given you the creeps. It was awkward to have a man you’d never met poking your bandaged up boob while the other one laid out in all its glory, but thankfully as soon as you wrapped your hospital gown back up, Hanzo was waved in.

“Hey,” you said as he closed the door behind him. You did your best not to look like a giddy schoolchild, but you were far too happy to be in the same room as him again. Part of your uncontrolled emotion was definitely the drugs, but not all of it. You didn’t care if you shouldn’t be so enraptured to see him, at least not now. You had been shot, you could feel however the fuck you wanted.

“Good evening,” he responded lowly. The distant tone in his voice made you face fall flat, and the physical distance he kept between you made you pull your knees closer to your chest sadly.

“I was, um, well I was kind of surprised to see you here,” you admitted sheepishly.

Hanzo sighed and looked away. “Yes, I probably should not have come, but I felt I had to. That, and I could not find the will or focus to do anything other than sit here and wait for news on your condition.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” you said softly, “extremely so.”

His lips pursed as his gaze landed on something next to your head. “You are the only one who has been happy to see me here.”

You twisted around as far as you could until your chest muscles griped at you to stop. There was a tiny speaker clipped to the bed frame with a note attached to it. “That sweetie,” you chuckled as you read Lucio’s message:

‘Sorry I couldn’t stick around ‘til you woke up! If I missed another tour date, the bosses were going to have some fried frog legs at their next meeting. Call me THE SECOND you wake up and know that I’m thinking of you. Lots of hugs, your best-est client.’

“He’s always so good to me,” you said shaking your head and the sad frog sketch Lucio had done on the other side of the card.

“I am glad you have found someone that has made you happy,” Hanzo said almost inaudibly, his eyes turned to the ground, bangs in his face as if trying to hide the sour look on his features.

Was he . . . jealous? Clearly you were feeling a little better because the devious part of your mind was suddenly much more awake. No, you shouldn’t be happy that Hanzo was feeling all put out at the fact that you had someone new if your life, but shit! How many people got to see the illustrious Hanzo Shimada practically dripping in envy?

Plus, it meant that maybe – just maybe – you had a chance to have him back.

Maybe it took almost dying to realize that you were willing to give Hanzo another chance, or maybe that bullet had torn right through your resolve, but you knew what you wanted now, and you were ready to admit it. More than that, you were ready to fight for it.

If Hanzo really wanted you to find love with someone else, fine, you understood, but you weren’t going to just walk away. Not again.

“Perhaps I should go,” Hanzo said abruptly, “the nurse assured me that you will be fine and now that I have seen you for myself I believe I am feeling much more assured. Goodbye, and I hope you – ”

“Woah, woah, woah,” you shouted, sitting up and groaning at the way your body protested. You were shot in the chest, so why did your back feel like agony, too?

Hanzo turned back you, looking very unsure of himself. “What is it?”

“You know Lucio is just a friend, right,” you asked.

He scoffed and glowered at the door. “That is not what the tabloids say.”

“Since when do you put stock in the tabloids,” you said giving him a skeptical look.

“There are photos,” he said grimly, crossing his arms and keeping his gaze off you.

“Of what? Me and my friend walking into a party together? We may have been ‘arm in arm’ and all that, but people do that all the time. He’s just a public figure, so everything gets blown out of proportion,” you said matter-of-factly.

“The pictures of him covered in your blood and sobbing as they brought you to the hospital are quite . . . telling,” he insisted.

“Hanzo! I had just been shot! And he’s one of my friends! One of my best friends, in fact. If Gabe were to be gunned down in front of you wouldn’t you be looking a little disheveled?”

His head bobbed as an admittance that you had a point.

“Come here,” you demanded, holding a hand out to him. His body went rigid, and he didn’t move. “Please,” you pouted, beckoning him again.

This time he slowly made his way to you, stopping far enough away that you had to lunge forward a bit to grab his hand and yank him closer. His eyes were wide with surprise, or maybe concern, but fingers curled automatically around yours. You brought his knuckles to your lips and place a gentle kiss on them, the tension in Hanzo’s shoulders floating away, letting his perfect posture slip into a more relaxed stance. You were glad you still had that effect on him. Big oaf needed to pull that stick out of his ass every now and again.

“Lucio means a lot to me, but not the way you do,” you told him in the most earnest tone you could muster. “You’re the only person I want to be with, you’re the one that I wanted with me more than anyone else when I thought I was dying, and you’re the person I most wanted to see when I opened up my eyes in this place.”

“You know,” Hanzo said with a small smile, “you make it very hard to stay away from you.”

He leaned against the rail of your bed and set his palm on your cheek gingerly, you leaned into its warmth. “I guess getting shot has its silver lining.”

“I vehemently disagree,” he barked firmly, “it should not have taken a gunshot to bring us back together. A conversation would have done just as well.”

“Hey, for the record, I tried that,” you retaliated. “That night in your brother’s big fancy bathroom I wanted to talk about it but you – ”

Hanzo silenced you by placing his thumb over your lips, and you giggled, kissing the pad of his finger in delight. Having him this close again was everything you had hoped it would be. “I am sorry for that night,” he said tenderly, “I was only trying to – ”

“Trying to do the right thing,” you finished for him, nodding understandingly. “I know, and I was, too. But I don’t care about what’s ‘right’ anymore. I don’t want to give up on what we could have together, and I know you’re on the way to changing. I’m tired of chasing the ideal of what should happen. I just want to be happy, and you make me happy.”

“My beauty,” he cooed, placing a long kiss on each of your temples, “you make me happy, too.”

“Does that mean you’ll be with me again,” you asked, wriggling closer to him.

“How could I say no,” he chuckled, dancing his fingers along your exposed arm until you shivered, making him grin.

The two of you basked in each other’s presence, but no matter how hard you tried to keep from overthinking things, you had to ask him something.

“Hanzo?”

“Yes?”

“Will I be your sugar baby again or . . . ?”

“I – well – ” he stammered, clearing his throat to buy him time to find an answer.

“The full-fledged relationship idea still freaks you out, doesn’t it,” you asked worriedly.

“Yes,” he huffed frustratedly, “though I do not know why. I know I want to be with you, and I know that I want more than that sort of arrangement with you, but there is something about that word, that step that just . . . fills me with a dread I do not understand.” Hanzo looked down to you, an ashamed expression on. “I am sorry.”

“Don’t be,” you said stroking his jawbone, “I don’t mind being your sugar baby again, but I’d like to set down a new set of rules and whatnot.”

“Of course,” he said, sounding relieved, “I believe that would be necessary.”

“But you are still going to your therapist, right?”

“Yes,” he said with a strong nod, “and this is something we have discussed lightly, but, as you know, there is much about me that needs to be . . . dealt with.”

“We’re all a work in progress,” you assured Hanzo, pulling him down so you could kiss him on the nose. The token of affection made his face go a little red, and you burst out laughing. “Good god I missed you and the way you blush, handsome.”

“I am quite convinced that you are the only one who can make me blush,” he grumbled, smirking just a tinge.

“Oh I bet Genji could tell me some fun stories that would make you all flustered,” you teased.

“Just who’s side are you on,” he said with a scowl.

“Mine,” you said brightly, “a girl’s got to put herself first, you know, and that’s what I do.”

“And I adore you for it,” Hanzo hummed, meshing his fingers into yours.

“Don’t worry,” you said, giving him a gentle squeeze, “I’ll always be in your corner, though.”

“A fact that makes me infinitely stronger.”

“I’m glad you realize that,” you said, beaming at his progress, “a couple of months ago I pegged you for the ‘I don’t need anyone’ type.”

“I have since learned a few things, met a few people who have shown me otherwise,” Hanzo said, holding your clasped hands to his heart.

@collinssie @watch-your-grammer @zarcake-writes @yesthisisbae @eebbapanda1@deercapitate @missbumblina @skyrina @justjaaaay@thewetbones@skyelentnight @ilovebva @punk-dork @cbrokeherboobs@sobanoodledragon@sydniesamm @honeyburger @knightofsexyness @queenoflabyrinths@speakingishard @iknowimcutethanks @ninevast @ivymarquis @sydniesamm@barbie-the-centrist @tumblertrash @angle0fthegourd@shaybae1997 @lillypet95 @rusty-potato @tt-nikithakppr

** please let me know if you would like to be tagged or removed from the tags in future updates and sorry if I missed anyone, I feel like tumblr is deleting my shit**

[cianaf]

Airport Nonsense

Sat in this chair. It’s the same chair I was sat in 15 months ago in the departures lounge of JFK. Back then it felt great. I had just finished 10 days in New York, one of those days I had spent in Bristol where I had six meetings in three hours that laid out the plan for my career at ESPN. Starting with the podcast and radio and working my way up into a bigger role.

Everything from that week was great.

This week wasn’t bad either. It was my mother’s birthday, a milestone, and she hadn’t ever been to NYC so we came here for a while. There was a dinner with fancy plates and small portions. She’s gone on to do some travelling, the rest of the family is already gone home and I timed my departure to fit with the NFL Game Week, more out of habit than necessity these days.

(Sidenote: Don’t ever stay in Midtown in NYC. If you do, stay as far away as possible from Times Square.)

I can’t recall the last time I wrote one of these. I’ve generally done one every six months over the last few years. I think the last one was 12 months after my surgeries, not sure though. Since then I’ve learned that Teddy Bridgewater’s surgeries lasted five hours total and he had two sittings. Teddy’s knee injury was supposedly the most devastating since Shaun Livingston’s. That put mine in perspective. One of my sittings lasted 14 hours and had four procedures. If Bridgewater’s was the worst since Livingston, do I have to go back to the Dark Ages? Sawing people open with a jagged blade while they were still awake.

My memory isn’t great at the best of times and the lack of structure over the past year has meant it’s hard to piece together the timeline of when I did what. I’ve travelled a lot this year too.

That brings me to the point of this I guess.

Quite a few of you noticed my twitter bio. Some of you freaked out, some of you wished me well and some of you didn’t really understand. It’s fairly simple. I haven’t worked properly since December 2017. I’ve been living off my life savings since then. (One of the silver linings of having to live at home and not being able to leave your house much is that you save up a lot of money.)

There were conversations about work in August but those were fairly quickly shut down. I have enough money to survive until February without needing to get a ‘real person’ job. In February I’ll have to get a ‘real person’ job and football will be on the backburner for the foreseeable future (probably permanently).

I get a lot of encouragement and positive messages from you guys and I appreciate the sentiment but I think you need to understand this isn’t something I have any control over anymore. It used to be about me proving my work but I don’t need to prove my work anymore and even if I do great work it’s not going to change anything. This also isn’t about me having issues with colleagues or anything like that, as far as I know I had solid working relationships with the people I did shows with and I’ve also addressed/apologized to the people I needed to address and apologize to from last year’s shit. None of them have specifically told me they have issues with me but that might be something they save for HR/bosses/other people. 

I can’t and don’t want to speak for other people.

So because it’s not about me working harder or me working on specific people, there’s nothing really for me to do. What’s happening at this point is I’m being defined by a mistake. Which might be perfectly fair. I’m not the one to determine that. I can’t be the one to change that perception no matter how hard I try at it. Like, you can’t sell yourself as a good person, why would anyone trust someone who does that? You need other people to do that. And I live on the other side of an ocean so nobody in this industry knows me well enough to vouch for me like that.

What I don’t want to do is wind up being resentful and bitter. And I’ve felt that coming into my thought process recently. It’s important for me to explain that.

I’m not resentful at a particular person or at ESPN. I owned all my shit and was the first one to suggest the punishment I ultimately got for it. Although at the time I also didn’t really think it would be a career-ending thing (fwiw: literally everyone who knows the specific details of this and who has talked to me says the same thing and most think I didn’t deserve to lose my job in the first place but they are all peers or former colleagues not bosses who actually make the decisions at these companies).

No, where this resentment is growing from is the fact that this wasn’t something I controlled. I still don’t even remember any of it to this day. I doubt I would want to at this stage. You have that PTSD and it manifests itself in depression, that depression is cured with an alcohol dependence that takes away who you are. You no longer show off your actual personality, you’re a bag of bones and skin stumbling around loosely, acting like nothing you would ever be outside of that influence. To me the people who met me while I was in that state still haven’t actually met me because that wasn’t me, that wasn’t anything that resembled me.

My nature is to own my own shit and I didn’t look after my illness properly. I was happy to pay for that because that was on me. But I fear that the longer I’m outcasted and the longer I’m not working full time the greater that resentment grows. That’s not who I want to be. There’s no fun or happiness with other people when you’re *that* guy in the industry.

So that’s a long convoluted way of saying that February is just when I switch into an even more part-time football analyst than I already am. I can’t focus so much on a career path that has a locked gate in front of it. I’ll still be doing the Patreon as much as I can and I’m not going to be able to find a job quickly so there’ll definitely still be content early in the offseason. It’s a change of direction and you might not even notice it.

But regardless, it’s better to be healthy and functioning properly than to be falling apart privately but together in the public eye. I’m not happy all this happened but I’m happy it didn’t continue on that path and turn into something serious. Who knows where it would have gone surpassed last year if I never woke up from that haze.

There are people to highlight/thank who I can’t point to because they are public figures and I don’t know if they want to be associated with me or not, but I do have to note the CTD guys (Zach, Tom, Jade and Amin especially) for embracing me the past year. Hot Take Route may not be the biggest deal in football coverage but it’s helped me laugh and enjoy my work again while also just giving me a sense of inclusion with people at a time when everyone else has pushed me away.

If 25 people reached out to me last year then 12 of them were CTDers. None of them have brushed past me being an idiot but they’ve all accepted that I wasn’t right at the time and been as good to me as I could have hoped for.

I’m not sure if I’ve publicly explained this before, I know I have privately to a bunch of people, but there were different groups of people who could be sorted by their reactions to me after I became a “scandal.”

1. People who used me for the purposes of their own careers. People who were higher up in the food chain than you but wanted to take from your work to make their work better or people who were lower on the food chain than you who were only dealing with you in the hopes you’d help pull them up. That group just cuts you out instantly. They are the business is everything types. You are tainted to them and only represent potential problems. Which is fine if that’s the way you live.

2. People who recognized that you can make a mistake without it defining you. Most of this group said things along the lines of “I don’t know what you did but I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t have done anything wrong on purpose.” I really appreciated those people. It’s a rational line of thinking regardless of whether they were right or wrong about me specifically.

3. People who simply didn’t care. “I don’t care what you did and nobody else will in a week.” My problem with that group is that I still care 12 months ago and people should care what you do because if you do something shitty it matters. You can’t just brush those things aside because while one doesn’t define who you are the culmination of the things you do does define you.

Some people made no effort, some people made an initial effort and a very small group of people made efforts that lasted months. And it led to some great conversations about life and the way in which it should be lived. I was baffled initially by the people who said their respect for me grew but looking back with hindsight I understand why they said that now. The line that sticks with me from those conversations is “Everyone makes mistakes but how you react to them is what actually matters.”

I should have moved on from this by now but I think it’s a good reflection of who I am that I haven’t. Because the person who does something wrong and just moves on is someone who doesn’t care that they did something wrong.

That’s the beauty of sitting in an airport for eight hours. It gives you time to sit down and throw all of this crap out of your head. It’s like that Harry Potter thing where he pulls the strings out of his head but instead of putting them into a pensive to remember them I throw them onto whoever is crazy enough to read these life posts of mine.

(He says “Harry Potter thing” to try and pretend he’s not a major Harry Potter nerd! Because you know *that* would be the embarrassing part of this post.)

[horatiosroom]

I’m going to enable asks on this blog again so that from now on any myspace questions you have can be answered here! 

It was also brought to my attention that some people might not be able to see those recent myspace au info posts (probably because i have c4rc4ss listed as a blog with sensitive content) so I’m going to paste the info here for you guys under the cut :^)

Anonymous said: omg i would love a visual novel of myspace au !!! (I would pay good money for it) but for now tho, did you take away anything from tlj to work into the au?? how is myspace 2.0 any different, if at all?

AAAAAAAAAAA YAY!!!!!!!!!! I’m hoping that once I hit my next goal on patreon then i’ll be able to dedicate more time to it~

Anywho, to take the story where I wanted it to go I stopped trying to fit concepts from the movies into it. At this point the only things connecting it to sw are the characters’ names and very VERY base personalities that were established in tfa, otherwise it’s become its own thing!

The au will explore the reasons for their weird experiments and the consequences that go along with them. For the au I don’t want to fetishize Hux experimenting on Kylo. As much as I’m into that in other iterations of the ship, their reasons for doing stuff like that here are related to complicated issues regarding intimacy.

I think the biggest change to the au is how Hux is presented. It would take a while for me to try to talk about how much of a characterization MESS he was initially so I’m not gonna get into that, haha. What I will say is that he has a consistent personality now. I’ll list some stuff that is integral to his character in the new version of the au:

Hux is still asexual. In this version he has had no experience with anyone and has difficulty initiating even simple types of affection (for example, he will touch Kylo’s lips with his fingers to ask for a kiss). He doesn’t have trouble touching people and isn’t shy, but touches with meaning are hard for him to figure out.

He has a tic disorder which manifests mostly as twitching and excessive blinking. He is self conscious of his disorder and thinks it makes him ugly.

His father and older brothers have an unhealthy view regarding Hux’s mental illnesses and tic disorder, treating him like an embarrassment and a freak. Hux has trouble accepting help from others because he is afraid that they want to “fix” him like his father and older brothers tried to do.

Hux’s interests can skew towards morbidity, but he has no desire to hurt anyone. He is afraid of the fact that blood and organs are more sensually appealing to him than any kind of sexual act. With good intentions, Kylo encourages Hux to explore these interests to make him more comfortable, but it results in some dangerous consequences.

He is fascinated by bugs. He collects specimens to inspect, display, and eat (if they’re edible).

Hux has a collection of items related to Kylo (strands of hair, beads from a broken kandi bracelet, slips of paper he doodled on and threw away, etc).

He often feels detached from reality, like he doesn’t even exist. This is why he feels more comfortable with bodies or specimens rather than people. Kylo is the only person who ever made him truly feel alive and happy and real.

He doesn’t intentionally self-harm, but Hux will scrape at his arms with his nails when he has a panic attack or dissociates.

Hux can be an asshole and will say rude things without thinking. He gets in trouble at school a lot for talking back to his teachers or making tactless jokes. His rudeness is more of a defense mechanism than a desire to actually be mean to people. He knows that others think he’s creepy or scary so to protect himself he just amps that up. One of the many reasons he likes Kylo is that Kylo ISN’T afraid of him and can see through the bullshit.

I could probably go on a lot longer about the other changes (remind me to talk in depth about Kylo!!), but I hope this gives a little more insight into MySpace 2.0 :^)

Anonymous said: Omg !! Tell us about Kylo in myspace 2.0 !!!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! OKAY!!!!!

Kylo has the kind of personality that lets him befriend p much anybody, but those are only surface friendships. For all the thousands of myspace friends he has, he’s very lonely. He masks his depression and anger with an over-the-top persona which ends up hindering him further - not many people want to get to know who he really is underneath the impulsive melodramatic clown facade. He feels like people think of him as a joke and he doesn’t know how to change that because he put himself there in the first place.

With his parents divorced and Leia always busy, Kylo is desperate for attention which is one of the many reasons why the scene lifestyle appeals to him - he’s essentially a myspace celebrity and even though most of the people in the community are insincere, the attention he gets from all the drama makes him feel less empty.

Besides being starved for attention, Kylo is also starved for physical affection. This manifests in him going too far too fast and coming across as “slutty” even though ultimately he’s just looking for the comfort and security that physical closeness provide.

Kylo is nonjudgmental and appreciates people for their eccentricities or differences. He can see past things that other people might consider strange or off-putting. For example, Kylo doesn’t consider Hux’s tics to be unattractive - he likes how when Hux blinks a lot it draws attention to his pretty eyes and eyelashes.

When he has the time, Kylo helps his uncle Luke teach karate to younger kids.

Kylo doesn’t usually take the time to consider the consequences of his actions so he often finds himself in sticky situations.

He is more passionate about having fun and making others happy than about any particular hobby or field of study.

Kylo doesn’t realize this until later on, but what he likes most about Hux experimenting with him is that Hux will bandage him up and take care of him afterwards. He loves how meticulous and doting Hux is and tries to be on the receiving end of Hux’s care as much as possible.

Though unaware of his own true feelings a lot of the time, Kylo is very perceptive of others’ moods and is good at helping people feel better if they’re having a bad day.

[kazekohitori]

This is the end of a four part fanfic I wrote for my friends and myself to help the healing process after losing our favorite character and the end of the show.

Please read the previous chapters in chronological order: CastielXStacie Chapters One and Two, CastielXAllanah Part One, CastielXStevie, CastielXAllanah Part Two, and CastielXChristina before continuing on. Thank you.

CastielXStacie Chapter Three

Stacie had woken in the most wonderful way that morning; wrapped in her Castiel’s embrace. She savored the moment, pretending to still be asleep she clung to him for nearly an hour longer. As she lay there she couldn’t help but notice that he seemed to be asleep, or in such a relaxed state that his heartbeat and rhythmic breathing sounded as if he was, though he wasn’t snoring. She wondered if she had snored. How embarrassed she would be if she had. Still, he had joined her of his own free will, engulfed her with his arms, and remained with her through the night. If he had been annoyed with her surely he wouldn’t have remained.

They spent the day talking about the world and it’s current predicament (although it was mostly Stacie doing the talking while Cas listened intently); Castiel’s time in the other world, or, more correctly, the memories he had been endowed with; and how he would choose to spend this new life.

He had decided to stay with Stacie and live with her in her small apartment for the time being. She was unemployed and living on property owned by her parents, She was also their caretaker, not that they were invalid, but she was the able body that could help around the house should there be a leak that needed fixing or a run to the grocery store. She was her parents helping hands. At the time that Castiel arrived though, they were away at a rental property they owned and would not be back for a week. She and Castiel had decided that when she did introduce him to her parents she would say he was her live-in boyfriend. It made sense as she only had the one bed, and Stacie knew her parents wouldn’t question it.

Stacie took Cas for a drive into town, showing off the rural neighborhood she lived in and the sleepy little town just down the main road. It was very much like the little towns he had visited on cases with the Winchesters. Indeed, Castiel could see himself making a home in this community with her. Perhaps once the pandemic had subsided he could get a job at the gas station, Stacie could get a job at the local post office, and they could meet for lunch every day. Maybe they could spend the rest of their days like that.

They bought some take out and sat on a bench near the local fishing spot to watch the sportsmen attempt to reel in the big one. Castiel talked about Dean’s love of the sport and how he might consider taking it up, which Stacie wholeheartedly encouraged.

“My dad loves fishing despite rarely catching anything. And my mom and I love eating fish!” She chuckled as she nibbled on a French fry.

Cas smiled, “I doubt I will have more luck than your father.”

“You never know,” she shrugged.

Cas fed the ducks and wading birds while they talked of things to come and Stacie ate. One of the things Stacie requested of Cas was for him to teach her Enochian and to tell her all that he knew of angels. She confessed that she had been obsessed with angel lore since his introduction to the Supernatural Universe. Admittedly she hadn’t watched the show from it’s debut date fifteen years ago but had been engrossed by it three years ago. And winged creatures, especially humanoid winged creatures, had always fascinated her. She made him promise to one day show her his wings.

At the end of the day, they returned to Stacie’s apartment where Stacie made dinner and they watched a movie together. Castiel had asked to join her in her meal of stir-fried vegetables and rice. While it surprised her she was happy to have him try her cooking and his contented smile warmed her heart.

“I thought you only tasted molecules,” she smirked, not sure of how true his reaction was.

“I do,” he said, taking another bite, “I’ve learned to discern different molecular structures as a way of tasting.” He leaned back, chewing his food, “And this particular makeup is delicious,” a broad smile erupted on his face.

Stacie’s smile mirrored his, “I’m glad you approve.”

They settled on the bed to watch Stacie’s normal evening line up of YouTube clips from Jimmy Kimmel’s, Jimmy Fallon’s, and Seth Meyers’ different shows. Cas had stretched out his arms inviting her into his warmth which she happily accepted. She snuggled into him, her head resting on his chest where she could hear his heart beat. This was heaven. This was all she ever wanted. Throughout this whole terrible year of endings and uncertainty of future, this moment was bliss. And she endeavored to hold it tight that she might never lose it.

That’s when her tablet and phone began a stream of notifications from the ‘Misha’s Angels’ chat group.

Stevie: YOU GUYS!

Stevie: OMG

Stevie: YOU GUYS!!!

Stevie: HES REAL

Stevie: IM LOOKING RIGHT AT HIM!

Stevie: HES HERE IN MY HOUSE!!

Stevie: HES REAL

Stevie: YOU GUYS!!!!

Stevie: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Allanah was the first to respond.

Allanah: What do you mean? Who?

Stevie: CASTIEL! HE’S HERE IN MY KITCHEN!

Allanah: How

Stevie: Idk but he is! We just kissed!

Stevie: I thought he was a dream but

Stevie: HE’S FUCKING REAL!!!

Allanah: I know he is. I’m looking at him right now.

Stevie: What?

Allanah: He is on my couch with Emma.

Allanah: How is he with you?

Stevie: There’s two of them?!

Christina chimed in.

Christina: Make that three

“It seems that the spell worked completely,” Stacie said as she read the messages.

“They have their versions?”

“Yep. Huh, Stevie made out with hers.”

Cas’ face flushed at the thought of making out with Stacie so soon into their relationship. Good thing she was preoccupied with the phone in her hand that she didn’t notice.

“Guess it’s time to come clean,” she said as she began to type.

Stacie: Oh good. I was beginning to wonder.

Stacie: Hi guys! How y’all doing?

Stevie: How is there fucking three of them?

Christina: How is he even here?

Allanah: @Stacie do you know something about this?

Stacie: I do.

Christina: WTF guys

Stacie: I cast a spell to create thoughtforms of your Castiel.

Stevie: ...wha

Stacie: Each of you have materialized your own version of the Castiel you have created in your head while watching Supernatural.

Allanah: Thoughtform?

Christina: Like a tulpa?

Stacie: Very much like a tulpa but without the need to focus on a symbol.

Stacie: Thoughtforms are more like imaginary friends. With the right circumstances they can become physical manifestations for others to see, not just their creators.

Stevie: So this isn’t Castiel?

Stacie: With some research and a bit of luck I came across a spell that supposedly brought those imaginary friends to life. And, well, here we are.

Stacie: @Stevie, no, not THE Castiel from the show. Not the canon version either.

Christina: WTF STACIE!

Stacie: He is whatever interpretation you have created in your own head. If he is sexually attracted to you in your head he will be so in this world. If he is a giant nerd, he will be a giant nerd. He will be drawn to you as you are his creator but thoughtforms can and do take on a life of their own. Some have been known to turn violent but I don’t think we have anything to worry about as long as no one dreamed of a homicidal Castiel.

Allanah: My Castiel wants to know how the spell works

Stacie: @Christina, what’s the matter?

Christina: What am I supposed to do with an angel!

Stacie: @Allanah, the spell I cast works by creating the thoughtform when the creator concentrates on Castiel and the word ‘believe’ is the trigger word like ‘abracadabra’

Stacie: @Christina, what ever you’ve always wanted to do with him?

There was a long pause where no one wrote anything. Stacie turned to Cas, “I think I screwed up.”

He sat up, taking the phone from her to read through the messages. After a moment he placed a hand on the small of her back, “I don’t think you did. What you did, you did out of love. Not just for me but for them.”

“You’d think I would have learned from the show. One may do things for the right reasons but they may not always be the right things.”

Cas gave her a small smile while rubbing her back, “Guess that makes you one of us.”

She offered him a sad smirk. The phone went off again.

Stevie: Well I love him. I’m keeping him. Thank you

Stacie showed Cas the message. “See? It’s not all bad,” he smiled, drawing her to him.

Allanah: This is a lot to take in. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Christina was the last to reply.

Christina: What the hell, I could use some help in my life.

Tears pooled in Stacie’s eyes. She was able to do something nice for her dearest of friends when they had all been miserable. She had succeeded in her quest and she had a love of her own as well. She wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore. None of them would. The show may have ended but their love for it would live on right next to them every day of their lives.

THE END

[charlieharry1]

The entrepreneurial mindset – transcript from my tedx bundaberg communicate

So, the phrase entrepreneur, permit’s begin there. Has everybody ever seemed this up in the dictionary? I’d never heard the word entrepreneur whilst i used to be at faculty. By no means did every person  Digital Marketing Companies Stafford say “you! The lady that talks in magnificence and receives kicked out a whole lot”

 “you! The lady that gets suspended”

 “you! The girl this is smart – but doesn’t appear to be engaged in a whole lot of this content”. That became me. Nobody ever said “you realize what? Maybe you ought to think about being an entrepreneur.”

 and this is pretty surprising to me because in case you haven’t already picked it up, i’m from wellington, new zealand and that i went to a definitely modern faculty – it became called wellington high college which is now over 100 and thirty years antique. We referred to as instructors by their first names, it became co-ed; boys and women, we didn’t wear a uniform. In the senior years it was go in case you need and don’t pass in case you don’t want – which didn’t in shape every body. We may want to study subjects like journalism and horticulture which turned into first-rate, but nevertheless, the handiest pathway they ever supplied to us in 1994, which become the 12 months i finished high school, become that you cross right through to 12 months 12, which you then move and get a tertiary education and you then get a process. That’s all i ever knew. Both my parent didn’t run companies, one changed into a teacher at my college, so you can imagine how mortified he became at my behaviour at times. Nobody ever supplied this idea of being an entrepreneur. When i have heard the phrase entrepreneur over the years, occasionally it’s were given bad connotations, hasn’t it? Take a look at these words on the slide at the back of me. I suggest who desires to be a wealthy person? A rich person? A dealer? What approximately a wealthy person, or a massive shot, or a large wig? Or even a whizz-kid. So using the phrase “entrepreneur” certainly dates again to the 1800s and it’s a french phrase. And over the years it has grown in popularity. I feel like in latest years if anything, the phrase entrepreneur has taken on a lifestyles of its own and is perhaps even over used – wouldn’t you agree? These days, i’m pretty certain while you’re growing up in new zealand, australia or someplace else within the international that pretty probable, and that i genuinely desire this is real, you're advised approximately the possibility to move on a path of constructing your personal business – if that’s what you want to do. And i implore all of you too, that even when you have taken the traditional direction of studying and going and getting a activity. That at any time you could choose to do a “side hustle” or even mission out and start a new commercial enterprise. Did you already know that the colonel from kentucky, that made the well-known kentucky fried chook or kfc, didn’t begin his commercial enterprise till he was in his 70s?! So in case you want to be an entrepreneur or you simply need to have an entrepreneurial attitude that’s a bit more like an entrepreneurial individual – what does that imply? To me it way numerous different things. It approach to assume in a different way and all those instances i used to be at excessive school getting into hassle, struggling with the academic paintings, it’s due to the fact i notion in a different way, and i just didn’t in shape the mould. So in case you’re taking into consideration a person right now that seems like that, whether it’s your very own baby or a nephew or a niece or someone you’ve taught, perhaps, just perhaps, they’re an entrepreneur too. To inform you how i got here to workout i used to be an entrepreneur (and how it wasn’t such a terrible element and has in fact brought me a lot of awesome opportunities on this life) permit me inform you a piece about my journey. As i said, i started lifestyles in wellington new zealand wherein i was born and bred until the age of 21. I created my first commercial enterprise when i used to be 17 years antique after i decided to begin a newspaper whilst at school. As i said, some of the subjects at faculty weren’t for me – i’d never contact computer systems till i needed to do a journalism direction and had to discover ways to type out my story. Then my dad said “you need to begin a newspaper and also you have to do it on game,” and i thought “that sounds high-quality to me because i really like sport!”

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 In fact at that point i used to be inside the new zealand crew for water polo for my age group and i skilled loads. I also did a whole lot of swimming and a whole lot of surf life-saving and i gained a variety of medals. I was a water toddler i bet you can say. And the issue that were given me genuinely inquisitive about beginning the newspaper – all of us need to be encouraged by means of some thing – and for me, at age of 17, it became money. I wanted money to pay for my game, which became unfunded. My parents didn’t have the money to keep installing to pay for the uniforms or the journeys and all of the costs associated with recreation. So, i started that newspaper. And in those days, for the ones of us old sufficient to remember, it was bromide, no longer virtual at all. And i had quite a few pleasure losing off in my little crimson mini to every excessive school in wellington, a package of newspapers. And because it become made by means of youngsters, for kids, they devoured it! Then i get this enterprise name from an american man who stated ‘you’ve stolen my concept!’ he was splendid annoyed at me so i stated “how ought to i have stolen your idea? I’ve in no way met you, i don’t know who you're or what your idea even is!”

 Properly it seems that this guy have been planning to begin a secondary school sports newspaper plenty like mine for approximately two years. And here became me, coming alongside in any respect of 17 years antique and that i just began this issue, and i idea things like $2 hundred complete web page ads changed into excellent for putting in the bank to pay for my sport. So he demanded a meeting with me and right here i'm, my first boardroom meeting as a 17 years old, with my dad there for assist, reducing my first business deal. And also you’re probably thinking what that frypan reference is up on the display screen? I’ll inform you currently. Years later, a guy in silicon valley said to me, “ you recognize businesses are a lot like pancakes – you stuff the primary one up,” and that i stated, “ oh my god, that’s so actual for me!” due to the fact that newspaper was the primary commercial enterprise and without know it i reduce that deal and it ended up being a clearly horrific enterprise deal when i appearance back. It became a salary, a small lump sum and that i had to continue to paintings for him for the rest of the 12 months. Which for me, become excellent on the time, because i simply wanted to educate and get the cash to go and play against australia later that yr. Properly i did what i used to be asked, and i learnt my first very good commercial enterprise lesson. Which is, if making a decision to enter commercial enterprise with a person, or some thing it's far you decide to do as an entrepreneur, make certain it aligns together with your values. On this experience, his values and my values did not align. And it didn’t exercise session. On the quit of the yr we parted ways and that turned into the end of my first enterprise. For the next seven years, from age 21 to twenty-eight i travelled the world and that i supplemented my travels with journey writing, so i guess you may say i was a journey blogger earlier than it became even a thing. In order that’s my second tip on becoming an entrepreneur or developing an entrepreneurial mind-set, you want to create your very own opportunities. People aren’t necessarily going to mention “hello, you ought to try this” now and again you’ve just got to think “i want to do that. How am i able to make it appear?” then make it manifest! Fast forwarding in my story, i fell pregnant at the tablet, in london, and that i had to work out what to do subsequent. With the aid of this degree, i used to be the editor of a newspaper at age 26. So, i was doing pretty well with the career aspect. However to fall pregnant at the tablet unexpectedly in london, truely made me re-suppose existence and what i was going to subsequent. We in the end had the child, and for some time there we caught it out in london seeking to make matters work, but when it have become too tough we determined to move back to in which our family lived, which became australia. So then, some years pass, i locate some work in australia and then i have a 2nd infant. So now i have a 3 yr old and a new child at domestic and i assume, “how am i going to earn cash now?!”

so i start some other commercial enterprise! Operating from domestic round my youngsters had been the humble beginnings of my 1/3 business, the creative collective. And actually, i didn’t mention that in among my “pancake enterprise” (the newspaper) and my profession in london i additionally started out a web commercial enterprise selling t shirts known as “tikanga teeshirts”. Tikanga means “subculture “and tikanga o te wa – those are maori words i’m the use of – means fashion. I created that enterprise due to the fact i used to be truly proud of our indigenous culture and language in new zealand. Although i am not maori, i used to be delivered up with it. And i desired to share with people that i used to be a proud new zealander and here changed into our subculture. So the teeshirt business i started in 2002 with no capital. I put up a website up after coaching myself html, and four years later, sold it for 5 figures. So that changed into an excellent final results, doing the entire cycle of the enterprise, really higher than the first pancake. However the 0. 33 commercial enterprise, the innovative collective, that’s wherein it all truely began. I got a emblem designed via a friend, i were given that revealed in an a3 layout and laminated, positioned it up inside the have a look at and increase we’re in commercial enterprise! I then threw up a website (now we’re absolutely in commercial enterprise), i made a enterprise card (whats up everybody, i’ve got a business!)

 In the ones days it wasn’t very common for mums to work from home – or it didn’t appear to be it become. I didn’t have many friends to name on. However it’s turn out to be increasingly more popular now and i think that that is high-quality, that dad and mom who select to stay at domestic and lift children can still earn an income and do some thing they love. Now today, the innovative collective has 12 personnel throughout offices at the sunshine coast and newcastle and approximately forty contractors. I personal a business building that we perform out of at the sunshine coast and we've customers all over australia and even a few global ones. It has a spinoff company called the schooling collective, in which we teach human beings digital skills. And importantly, we’ve had loads of amusing with it all. Now there’s a high-quality metaphor obtainable approximately what it takes to be an entrepreneur that i’d love to share with you. An entrepreneur says to a mentor, “be my mentor, show me what it takes to be an entrepreneur.”

 The mentor says, “okay come meet me down on the water early when it’s truly honestly dark and cold out”. The entrepreneur meets the mentor and on arrival the mentor says “walk with me” and fully dressed heads straight into the water. The entrepreneur says to the mentor “wait! I need to get undressed. I’ll get moist…”

the mentor says “no you don’t just stroll for your clothes”. So they enter the water, which is clearly in reality bloodless, and are up to their knees in their garments. The entrepreneur says “oh man this is uncomfortable! What are we doing? This is terrible!”

the mentor smiles and lightly says “that’s proper, simply hold strolling”. So they hold on foot deeper and deeper into the water, and that i should virtually complicated in this tale, however the factor is, they walk till they’re as much as their necks, and the entrepreneur at this factor is certainly suffering to hold his head above water due to the fact his garments are wet, he’s freezing bloodless, and the whole thing is weighing him down.

“i hate this!” he again complains to the mentor.

“i want to get out! I will’t cope! I’m going to drown!” he yells desperately to the mentor. And when he gets to date, the mentor says, “my friend, that is what it takes to be a an entrepreneur. You’ve got to be prepared to get from your consolation zone. You’re going to swim into un-chartered waters. You’re going to be uncomfortable, and also you’ll every so often experience like you’re sinking. At instances you can even think you’re drowning, but you’ve just were given to preserve going. You’ve got to try and swim even if things are weighing you down.”

 in order that’s every other tip i have for all the budding entrepreneurs obtainable. You’ve were given to be prepared to get from your consolation quarter and make it work! My first step to get out of my consolation area, turned into getting into a enterprise award. I were in business simply six months with the innovative collective, and i idea “good day, i need to marketplace my commercial enterprise, or supply some thing a pass right here to get the word available about my business.”

 so i throw my hat into the small commercial enterprise champions awards, and that i couldn’t consider it. I gained! I received the younger entrepreneur of the 12 months award in queensland in 2007. Out of this revel in i realised that coming into business awards labored quite properly and that i'd want to do extra of that because the telephones started out ringing, and enterprise began coming in. I also met some fantastic people at that event. Off the back of winning that award, i were given presented to go on tv, on a country wide display approximately extraordinary corporations. On it they depicted me because the mum who worked from home juggling my two young ones that's precisely what i was doing at the time. That equal piece came out on channel nine, after which featured at the vodafone internet site and on qantas’s inflight television and things in reality took off. And this become all from going outdoor my consolation region and coming into a commercial enterprise award. The alternative things i’ve found out along my years of being an entrepreneur, is which you want to be open to new studies, places and people. That's exactly why i say, sure to driving three hours to speak at a bundaberg tedx occasion. I wanted to come back up to fulfill new people and have a brand new revel in in a brand new region. Through my entrepreneurial/commercial enterprise journey, i’ve simply been capable of do this. For instance this is me in ny, getting into the international women in enterprise awards. And in that yr, my kids had been elderly 2 and 5, the foreign exchange rate become horrible and that i felt so responsible leaving them to attend these awards. I didn’t win that award, but it was nonetheless so really worth going and being open to these new reviews. Due to attending that event, that night, i went night clubbing, as you do with the ceo of the whole awards. And he provided me an opportunity to sell these awards in australia and new zealand, which i then did for the subsequent 10 years. And that has became having connections with some of the excellent enterprise people in australian and new zealand, which has been an outstanding ride as properly. I assume you want to put your self available, and remember you have got as an awful lot proper to be there as everyone else. Through getting into some other enterprise award software, the telstra enterprise womens awards and winning business proprietor of the 12 months in queensland, extra possibilities unfolded for me. I were given invited to go to silicon valley, which if you don’t know, is the tech capital of the arena. But anyway, it become a lifestyles-changing revel in to go to the offices of the likes of fb, to satisfy the founding father of eventbrite, visit the linkedin offices and sure, just as they are saying, they all have brilliant workplaces. The linkedin workplaces have a band room, so in case you want to head and jam for an hour for your lunch destroy, you may. And yes, facebook has free meals simply as they say, they all do. Three courses, day or night time, any time. Additionally they have unfastened ice cream, free barbers, it’s a international unto itself. So i were given so far and i was wondering what's this all about? What does all of it suggest? What do i do with all these connections and reviews i’m having? After which i remembered a teacher back at wellington high school pronouncing to me, “what do you want to be remembered for? He also stated that in case you are an remarkable mathematician or inventor you can spend your whole lifestyles seeking to training session one math equation, or to create one invention, and you may or might not be successful. But he stated to me, in case you’re to write one poem, one music, paint one artwork piece – however desirable or bad – it will be remembered, as it lives on. He become speakme about legacy of course. And that i determined i in reality liked that concept. I realised i’d always had in me a burning preference to write down a ebook. So i’ve virtually written a couple. I wrote one about my grandfathers existence, which i launched in 2006, only a few months earlier than my grandmother handed away so it changed into outstanding to try this. And that i launched another e-book in 2014 after i gained it female of the year, at the countrywide iaward due to the fact i felt pressured to make a contribution and provide back to what i knew which became in which the it industry was going and what sort of this changed into changing things and how we had a responsibility to research greater approximately technology in order to enhance our kids in a technology driven international. This phase noticed me speak to and have an effect on ministers, do lots of media observation and encourage humans to educate youngsters coding. Which now of route today is widespread in faculties. And these are all things which befell in my entrepreneurial journey. The very last tip i desired to give you nowadays, is tapping into whatever you’re captivated with, what you love to do. So, in case you do rise up each morning and go to paintings and think “i hate this, i hate those human beings, i hate this region” or “i don’t sense any experience of my soul being ignited, i don’t experience joy or whatever….” then maybe it’s time to alternate. And whether that requires quitting your job to move into something you’re greater obsessed with, or initially reducing your hours, or going returned and reading or completely converting careers, or starting a side-hustle or a totally fledged business – be courageous! If you have a burning preference or something you’re passionate about doing, i say do it! In precis, i suppose the entrepreneurial mind-set is a way of wondering. It’s specially approximately the manner you approach demanding situations and mistakes. Now i was very conscious about setting together my talk, and hoping it doesn’t come upon as pronouncing, “observe me i’ve had this exceptional lifestyles and all of these simply cool things befell,” but i need to make certain , there’s been lots of hard stuff, the treading cold deep water full dressed metaphor stuff. I’ve had the ato name me up on a friday and want $forty,000 off me on monday, due to the fact i had a crappy accountant who gave me the wrong recommendation. I’ve had team of workers and pals (no longer my friends), stealing my highbrow property and now not seeing an difficulty with it and starting up very comparable businesses, with similar names and things like that. We have consistent breaches of our trademark definitely and we’ve had to move and attraction one absolutely currently. There’s been sincerely tough life stuff. I separated from my accomplice of 18 years, and the daddy of my kids and thru this i nonetheless had to stand up and visit work. It’s tough stuff. Demanding situations with raising teens, fitness problems, money issues – therehave been weeks wherein i didn’t even recognise how i used to be going to do the payroll. You realize, among all this joyous life, there’s nevertheless those difficult matters you have to arise and cope with. But, if you maintain finding the right human  Digital Marketing Company Stafford beings to be around, and if you could just hang in there and that cold water with the ones clothes on, you could definitely experience it too.

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[emilieelleneliza]

By George, I Think She’s Got It!

Hey everyone, still deciding on zine subjects over here! But through the past couple of days I think I’ve actually hit on something.

For those of you who don’t know me personally, I was born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, who’s members may be better known as Mormons. Now although I’m no longer an active member, it’s still something that I have a lot of love and respect for, and it will always share a place in my heart. I only ever try to reflect on my experiences in the church with positivity and am grateful for the principles and values it’s taught me. I’ve learnt service, the importance of loving your neighbour, spending and focusing your time on family, treating your body with respect, personal integrity and even how to study!

I almost forgot that religions are a type of subculture because having grown up in one, it had always been my version of normality, you know? I haven’t attended for nearly five years now, but I guess I’m still experiencing the culture through members of my family. My grandparents, a few of my aunties, cousins as well as my brother and his wife all still attend. Heck, one of my best friends just got back from serving her mission last week! I won’t share why I chose to follow a different path - I might one day, but for now all you need to know is this – you get a mix of personalities in every social group you find yourself in, but there are a lot of beautiful, kind people within this church and I truly believe they only want to share the peace, comfort and joy they find within their religion with others. So maybe the next time some missionary knocks on your door, try to remember that and treat them kindly, they’re only there with the intention of bringing you joy (not to brainwash you I promise haha!).

So reflecting on this really got me thinking - I’ve got a very unique and informed experience of this culture so wouldn’t that make for a super interesting zine?! I’ve always been one to do things differently from everybody else, and I’m pretty sure nobody in my class is going to make an LDS focused zine…I’d actually be pretty surprised if anyone in the entire history of my course had chosen to look at the Latter-Day Saints as a fashion subculture at all! But what a lot of people don’t really realise is that clothing plays a huge part in LDS culture, and is used as a way to express who they are and what they believe.

Modesty is a religious virtue, but the latest fashion trends can sometimes make living that virtue a little difficult. I know I felt immense social pressure concerning the clothes I wore, both in and out of the church, especially as a youth! I think every fourteen-year-old wants to fit in somehow – just ask yourself how you felt when you were that age?

My experience with clothes as an LDS member made me think of creating a modest fashion zine! Something to highlight and celebrate modesty within that culture. I would have LOVED to have had something like that while I was a member!

The current church media publications are great for their purpose. They inform, uplift and encourage members of the church outside of weekly meetings, but they’re not exactly very visually exciting…

It’s natural for young girls to love clothes! They are at an age where they’re experimenting with fashion and trying to discover who they are and where they fit in this big wide world, and clothing is a massive part of that. With all the magazines, social media and imagery the youth have access to daily, wouldn’t it be great for them to have something fashionable and visually exciting that also fits in line with their values? I want modest dress to seem more accessible to them. I want them to be excited about fashion, and for them to see that you can totally express your individual taste and keep your moral standards at the same time!

Wouldn’t it also be interesting to perhaps interview members who are no longer active, and see how the value of modesty has affected their lives? Ask whether their perspective has changed and maybe if their relationship with clothing has changed too?

I know when I first left the church, I dressed against the standards I’d been taught…I think it was a way of manifesting the break from that lifestyle… but what I’ve never really said is that, whenever I dress in anything revealing - even today - I feel really uncomfortable. I feel as though my body is out there for others to see and to judge and I worry that I’m unintentionally over sexualising my appearance. I have a standard hourglass figure, and one that I’m proud of and work hard enough at the gym for. But this can sometimes make dressing without showcasing my figure and femininity kind of impossible. I’m not saying I want to dress to hide those things either, but I’m very aware of how fashion and clothing sends people a certain message about yourself, and I want to always feel in control of that message. I’m not someone who ever wants to attract attention to myself or my clothes because I’m actually pretty shy, so you can see why the thought of anyone other than my boyfriend thinking of my body or my outfit in a sexual way would make me feel really awkward and uncomfortable and even a little upset! I choose only to allow my boyfriend to see me in that way, I definitely don’t choose for anybody else to.

Maybe a lot of this has to do with my upbringing, but even now as an inactive member of the church, I still choose modesty the majority of the time. Is it because that way of dressing is like a comfort blanket to me, and that it makes me feel protected and safe from the judgement of the world? I don’t know. I think I definitely have my own criteria of what modest and immodest is now, although it’s not too dissimilar from LDS standards. It might be interesting to explore this a little more…

What I worry about though, is that if I include this kind of content in the zine, then would it take away from those LDS values that I’m trying to celebrate for the youth? This isn’t a culture that I want to discriminate or pick apart - it’s too close to me. And I would never want to offend or upset anybody! So would including that perspective stray from the overall message I’m trying to convey?  

Although I don’t have all the content figured out yet, I think I’ve definitely found the subject for my zine. The LDS church has members all over the world and from all different walks of life. It’s a more diverse culture than a lot of people realise, and I’d love to celebrate that diversity within the zine. Hopefully I’ll be able to find the perfect balance between keeping that moral integrity and inspiring the young women who might read it to have fun with fashion!

[perpetually-jungshook]

Without You: Bloodstone (Part 11)

Genre: AU, bts!werewolf, fantasy, angst

Warnings: language, violence, suggestive content

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: Werewolves, contrary to popular belief, are usually gentle creatures. Except for a very specific set of circumstances, they would never hurt a human (on purpose). The few unfortunate times when mistakes were made put a permanent dark mark on the beasts and people began labeling them as monsters. What the human population failed to recognize was the fact that they were protecting us from something much more sinister. Luckily, a few survived and the gene was passed down hereditarily until one day finding its way to me… in the form of my best friend.

Link to: Storyboard (reference pictures) | Prologue | Previous | Masterlist | Next

Loyalty is often as blind as justice should be, as unstable as a lightning storm ought to be, and as misplaced as an opinion in the truth.

Chapter 11:

Lights dimmed and temperature resting at no greater than twenty degrees Celsius, the entire bunker has settled into a heavy quietness, the type that sets me ill at ease.

“Goodnight, Eun,” Jungkook whispers around a yawn, nuzzling through my hair until the cold tip of his nose reaches the skin of my neck.

“Goodnight,” I shiver, but force myself to not pull away. It might upset him and besides, with his arms snaked around my middle and legs wound between mine, it’s not like I would be able to move much in the first place. What’s funny is this position should be VERY intimate, but it’s just not. He’s doing it to maintain his false sense of control, to protect me from nonexistent enemies or simply keep me from running off.

Either way, I’m strapped in until further notice and keep myself occupied by rubbing small, gentle circles into the skin on the back of his hand, listening acutely to the pattern of his breathing.

When Jungkook finally does drift off to sleep, I can’t seem to shake the feeling of… of what? I’m not entirely sure. But my eyes refuse to stay closed, even with the comfortable warmth of my best friend wrapped around me.

So, I slowly, carefully untangle his limbs from mine and wiggle off of the bed.

Encouraged that he doesn’t wake up, I stoop momentarily to search through my backpack until I find the item I didn’t know I was looking for. My fingers close around a lighter and I pull it out of the assortment of jars and packets. I don’t know why I instinctively grabbed it because, while at their dimmest setting, the lights are still on, but I wouldn’t dare refuse such an easy subconscious request.

I bump the leather bound book upon extraction. Unlike the bloodstone, it had somehow made its way back inside.

With no further hesitation except to slip on my shoes and take one last apologetic glance at Jungkook, I open the door to the hallway, which Taehyung had accidentally left unlocked. I decide not to close it all the way, hoping that a silent reentry will work in my favor.

My feet carry me forward with no particular destination in mind, only using the knot of apprehension festering in my stomach to lead the way- a queasy, thick, and curdled feeling that leaves my palms clammy despite the cool temperature.

I pause in the main living space to note the read out of the stove’s bright digital clock. 00:32.

My gaze slides to the mistletoe doors. I have no intention of going outside, but their looming presence…

The sound of footsteps causes me to shrink back, away from the source, away from the doors. I wouldn’t get in trouble for being out here, right? I haven’t actually gotten yelled at yet, but then again, I haven’t been caught snooping around before.

Just act natural.

I begin wildly opening cabinets, looking for an excuse to be where I am and not with Jungkook, but then the massive double doors open and in walks Jimin.

“I was just looking for a glass of water…” the halfhearted excuse falls on deaf ears as he makes a sharp right, walking down the hallway and disappears into the furtherest room without even looking in my direction.

Weird.

My feet carry me after him, the shy pull of curiosity tugging at my heartstrings, but as soon as I pass the perpendicular hallway, my pursuit comes to a cold halt. I can almost feel it, the lack of human presence as I glance down the length of the concrete tunnel.

It mirrors the other side exactly in build. Jimin occupies what should be Jungkook’s room and that door there would belong to Taehyung, but there’s something… empty about this side.

My feet recalibrate their intended path as the incessant tug of unease drags me further.

I am lead to another long passage, this one interrupted only by a strange set of double doors placed rather conspicuously in the middle. They appear to also be made of mistletoe, but are pocked by a grid of studs made of a shiny, metallic material and carved into each panel is a character of a foreign language. The dim light in front of the entryway flickers.

At the exact opposite end, I can see the corner I could turn to go back to Jungkook. It would be a straight shot down that hallway, right past Taehyung’s room, which is just a couple meters out of my sight line. Each of them promise a certain degree of safety.

Yet the doors beckon.

I approach with an air of caution, grip tightening on the lighter, and as soon as I find myself standing just before it, I understand the odd texture of the barrier. It’s mistletoe inlaid with SILVER. My gaze drops to the handles, which are made of the same precious metal.

It occurs to me then that I’ve seen these before on the inside of the main entry to the bunker. Is that why none of the pack want to touch it? Maybe it goes BEYOND the mistletoe itself. Not maybe, it DOES.

As Namjoon said, silver is the only thing that can pierce a werewolf’s skin. So it’s easy to guess they would want to avoid it at all costs.

I tentatively reach out, fingers ghosting the dusty, cold handles. There’s only one reason I’m hesitating. Clearly, this bunker is meant to keep the wolves IN. The locks are on the outsides of their rooms and the only exit I’ve seen makes them severely uncomfortable to pass through. But this? Mistletoe AND silver? What could be beyond these doors that is worth keeping even FURTHER under lockdown?

The answer seems obvious. Demons.

But they wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave those “nefarious spirits” alive, right? Especially when we would be sitting almost directly on top of them.

The hinges give a squeak that sounds more like a scream in the quietness of the night, but this is instantly dragged to the back of my attention as the stale air that comes rushing out from behind the doors surrounds me. My olfactory system wants to reject the bombardment of mildew, dust, and… rot? But something keeps me fixated, a cold, silent stillness.

The light above me flickers.

For some reason, this sensation seems… familiar, and I hang onto that thought as fuel for courage.

One step at a time.

The orange flame flickers to life between my fingers with a couple clicks of the lighter and the hallway I now stand in is bathed in a small bubble of dingy illumination. From what I can see, the passage is long, narrow, and big surprise, concrete.

What lies at the end? I don’t know, namely because I can’t see anything past two or three meters. The shadows that surround me are unusually thick.

At the edge of my consciousness, tickling the limits of my hearing…a whisper?

I advance two more meters, acutely aware of how hollow my footsteps sound, but also of the fact that they fail to echo. A heaviness presses upon my skin, a tangible stress on my mind that manifests as the sensation of weight. My pulse pounds in my ears. The further I go, the harder it is to breathe and the more the bubble of light around me seems to shrink. The whispering, at first faint and easily able to be dismissed as my tired mind playing tricks, grows in intensity.

It’s subtle, like the rustle of leaves, like the crunch of gravel. I can almost hear what it’s saying.

The hair on my neck and arms begins to prickle, the silence like a coffin. Footsteps. Heartbeat. I’m wading through mud, my mind desperately urging me to turn back while my body continues following the inexplicable pull.

The whisper, I can ALMOST decipher it. Almost… my name?

“Eun?”

I spin on my heels, dropping the lighter and plunging myself into darkness save the single, flickering fluorescent bulb just beyond the silver doors that now stretches the shadow of a towering silhouette toward me.

If I hadn’t known it was Taehyung by his voice, I probably would’ve screamed, though I still have to fight the natural urge. However, his cognitive presence seems to have severed me from my subconscious quest and I suddenly feel very out of place, more than fifteen meters into the stretch of dark hallway.

“What are you doing up?” he asks sleepily, rubbing one of his eyes.

I don't think Taehyung knows that I’m sprinting toward him until we collide, my arms wrapping around his neck as I bounce onto the tips of my toes.

He lets out a groggy laugh, almost collapsing under my added weight, “What’s this for?”

“You surprised me,” I admit, breaking the embrace to ruffle his bedraggled bronze hair and push him away. He smells like sleep and his loose tee shirt and boxers conceal none of the comforting warmth of his body heat.

This is when I realize how cold I’ve actually become.

His reply is underscored with an amused hum, “Yah, I’m not the one bumbling around at three o’clock in the morning.”

Three o’clock? But I couldn’t have left Jungkook more than five minutes ago and I could’ve sworn the stove clock had read half past midnight. Maybe Taehyung is over exaggerating.

“Speaking of which,” he comically crosses his arms, tapping his chin with his index finger, “Didn’t your parents ever tell you that snooping around in spooky places will only get you in trouble?”

I swallow a gasp, instead opting to flinch, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was off limits.”

Taehyung giggles, a sound that comes out raspy, “Well it’s not like anyone told you so I guess it’s not entirely your fault. Don’t worry, I won’t tell. Erm, now would you mind… closing that door? It’s making me antsy. Thanks.”

As soon as I do as he asks, my companion’s smile becomes more relaxed and he wraps an arm around my shoulders, leading me away from the strange entrance. After a few seconds, I allow myself to inquire, “So where does that hallway go?”

Taehyung, much to my surprise, leads me past Jungkook’s room, presumably heading toward the kitchen. I follow as he replies vaguely, “It’s just storage.”

It’s an answer that instantly rubs me the wrong way. “Storage” is for a closet next to a door or a cabinet in a restroom. “Storage” is NOT behind a physical ward like that.

“Okay,” I take his answer, knowing that fighting him at this point would do no good.

The bronze haired boy opens one of the few cupboards I hadn’t touched in my desperate but futile attempt to avoid Jimin’s scrutiny and hands me a cup after picking out one for himself, “I’ll give you some milk to help calm you down and then we’ll both go back to bed, hmm?”

I nod my agreement, but as he rummages through the refrigerator, I can’t help but steal a glance at the clock on the stove.

3:16 a.m.

✩✩✩♔✩✩✩

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Bereavement Thank You Notes - An Easy Way to receive Them Done

Bereavement thank you notes do not have to be a major trial if you use the simple method outlined on the next paragraphs. Grief is hard! With everything you had to deal with lately, the last thing you need at this point is the added burden of social obligations. Some time has passed since the tragedy manifested. The out-of-town guests have gone back home, the funeral flowers are all wilted, the sympathy cards and notes are slowing down. Although you are in often in the midst of one of the most trying things an athlete could ever endure, the rest of the world seems to be returning to normal.

Now what to do about all the flowers, cards and gift containers you received? Have you acknowledged individuals gestures of sympathy and promote?

Now, I know that this is not specifically a high priority on your list of events right now. Just breathing can sometimes be an effort. But did you know that answering sympathy text messages could be therapeutic? Comforting? Look at this projects not as a chore to be suffered but as an opportunity to reflect on your dropped one and a focus for all your “grief energy”.

Those who gave back to you expect to have their kindness acknowledged. Is usually mandatory. So let’s get to the situation! We present below a method that will actually have you taking care of all your sympathy acknowledgments in an evening or two.

I. Acquire the list ready – First be sure to list the name and address of each and every gift-giver, and what they gave (be specific). Buy a few packs with standard Thank You cards, with the within the blank. Get some nice ones.

II. Enlist some help – Understand those folks who said ” Style anything I can do to help… inch. Well, pick out 1 or 2 of your buddies who offered help and put them to perform. Your bereavement thank yous must remain hand-written (never typed), but there isn’t really reason why they can’t be written by other people on your behalf!

III. Have a sympathy thank you “barn raising”night – Invite your main volunteers, and feed them prize or provide snacks and drinks.

IV. Sample bereavement thank you notes you can use.

Here is a good template to set up from: We (Bill in addition to I) (the kids and I) (or just I) would like to thank you so very much for your thoughtful pity f (card)(gift). Although we are going through a lot right now, your gesture was noticed, and we appreciate the show of support that you will sent. (Say something specific with regards to card or gift now):

*Your gift of food (the cookies) provided a bit of comfort to usa, and helped feed the bunch. *The spray of lilies had been just lovely, and made a encouraging addition to the church ceremony. *Your thoughtful sympathy card provided just a bit of support and comfort and was read through by all of us. *Your sympathy cart was truly appreciated, and we are still exploring it’s comforting contents.

Now here is an example of a great effective nonetheless brief sympathy thank you note:

“Dear Nancy,

Just a note to thank you very much for the beautiful fruit basket somebody sent. Although this is a very sorry and difficult time for Jim and I, your main thoughtful show of support was a good deal noticed and appreciated. We are endowed to have caring friends like you in our time of need.

Thanks again for this kindness, Susan”

Even though your main household is in a turmoil, and you really are surely hurting deeply, you will never dismiss writing bereavement thank you notes for people who gave to you. No matter how not easy and tedious it may be, it is an estimated and decent response to a show with support offered by friends and family. (