#ANN LECKIE FUCK IT UP!!!!!!!!!!

[bambles]

just finished the raven tower and holy SHIT what the FUCK what THE SHIT

[cat-dragron]

I'm still so mad that August Kitko was such a mid book and like I would go do far as to say maybe it was bad but it's likely it just wasn't for me.

And then I read Hell Followed With Us and realize hey now... there's a lot of similarities between these two books and wow i am enjoying this other book way more. I almost want to dig into that and figure out why. Can you ever dislike something so much you want to take a scalpel to it and dissect it to find the bloody heart? Yeah that's what I'm feeling with August Kitko... it kinda sucks but I need to know why it makes me so mad.

[phagodyke]

IN OTHER NEWS I FINISHED TRANSLATION STATE LAST NIGHT the ending had me sobbing not bc it's sad at all but WAAAAA

[official-linguistics-post]

Oh! I want to write books at the intersection of sci-fi and fantasy! What are the ones you're reading right now, or one of your favorites?

one of my favorites (which i need to reread) is ann leckie's the raven tower. on the fantasy side, i'm hoarding the goblin emperor and jonathan strange & mr. norrell for an upcoming trip, and on the sci-fi side i recently read becky chambers' wayfarers series!

i love a book that will fuck me up in indefinable ways.

[dragongirl-casca]

One of my fav parts about Ann Leckie's Provenance is you get to see how people outside the Radch see Radchaai, and one of their key cultural differences is "they are fucking awful at understanding gender markers." To the point that the Radchaai ambassador frequently corrects herself from a correct pronoun to an incorrect pronoun.

It's extra-funny to me because in the Imperial Radch trilogy, we see this happen from the inside of the Radch and we are led to assume that it is inevitable in any conversation between two different human cultures.

But Provenance shows off the interstellar politics between Hwae and Tyr and Omkem, and no other characters (including the Actual Aliens) have any trouble navigating male/female/neman/etc. It's Just The Radchaai. It cracks me up thinking about it.

[asexualbookbird]

BEHOLD! BOOKS I READ IN 2023!

A handful of rereads, a lot of new favorites, and I put a huge dent in my physical unread piles! I'm pretty happy with my reading year to be honest!

BEST OF 2023

Nettle and Bone by T Kingfisher - If I haven't talked about it enough please read this. An absolute DELIGHTFUL start to the year, which is odd to say of a book about abusive spouses and dead sisters. Like. I wanted to reread it right after finishing it, and will probably reread it this coming year, I loved it so much

The Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee - also heart wrenching but listen, there are BIRDS! Giant birds!!!! A strange pick me up during a bad time, but it WORKED!

To Shape A Dragon's Breath by Moniquill Blackgoose - Oh what a marvelous read, a delightful adventure, I look forward to book two!

Provenance by Ann Leckie - don't hate me, but I think I might enjoy this more than the Imperial Radch trilogy. It's really what I wanted from A Memory Called Empire, and it was so much fun to see the Radchaai from a different perspective!

The Liar's Knot by MA Carrick - DEROSSI VARGO, MY BELOVED! But also, this has such rich worldbuilding. Every time there's a Pattern reading in a scene, the authors did their own reading in real life and put the results in the book. They came up with multiple calendars for the world. And it never feels overwhelming, everything is integrated so naturally! Ren heists an entire family for her and her sister. A lovely brick of a book :)

Where the Drowned Girls Go by Seanan McGuire - I think this might be my favorite Wayward Children book so far, I'm glad these books are bite sized because I want to read them over and over <3

The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie - WHAT A FUNKY LITTLE BOOK!

WORST OF 2023

Black Wings Beating by Alex London - birds would not fucking do that. Why are we following the most insufferable of the characters. Why is everything about him, even the parts about his sister. Blegh.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo - this canNOT be the same book tumblr couldn't stop talking about for months. I know I shouldn't judge a book by its sequel, but I know about the glowing demon dick. Come on. Also, like, the whole book was building up to rescuing someone and then THEY NEVER DID! wtf lol

Tress and the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson - Snooze. Yawn. Snore. One of the most boring books I've read. I was right to avoid Mr Sandwich and his books.

Whalefall by Daniel Kraus - I feel bad because someone hyped this a lot and was excited about it, and so I was excited about it, but it read like it was written specifically for a movie in mind. It's just Daddy Issues™️in the ocean.

This does not include rereads, of which Name of the Wind was one. Yes, I still loved that one. Still fun, still weird that it never felt long despite being a BRICK. Proof I don't hate long books because they're long, I hate long books that don't have to be long. Which is why the Dishonorable mention goes to Priory of the Orange Tree lol Get edited, beloathed.

Anyway! Onwards to 2024! :)

[ojirocardigansniper]

Terra Ignota fucked up my whole brain (positive). I think it's either the deepest or most pretentious (more likely both) works of fiction I've ever encountered. Ada Palmer is my new god. These books are so gender and strange and interesting and horrifying and political.

My favourite genre is Scifi Where Your Favourite Character Is A Queer War Criminal (or other monster beyond comprehension) (Machineries of Empire, The Locked Tomb, etc). In this area, Terra Ignota is a holy book.

Canner and Sniper are my precious innocent friends who can do no* wrong.

*all

(I deeply love these books, I'm just very insane about them)

SAME SAME SAME SAME SAME SAME SAME. YOURE IN SUCH GOOD COMPANY. i first read too like the lightning in 2017, promptly shoveled seven surrenders in my mouth, got the will to battle for christmas, and then spent the next three-and-change years rereading them multiple times and collecting a small cadre of weird friends i could convince to attempt it. perhaps the stars permanently rewired my brain on first readthrough. terra ignota kinda one of the lenses through which i see most things cus it came to me at the right time. touchstone of my brain and heart. also MASSIVE UPS FOR MACHINERIES OF EMPIRE AND LOCKED TOMB ASWELL LETS GOOOOOO!!!!! also off the top of my head i'll point to ann leckie's imperial radch & related books, kameron hurley's stars are legion, seth dickinson's exordia which im reading rn, and on the fantasy side of the same trope we got seth dickinson's traitor baru cormorant, n.k. jemison's broken earth trilogy, fuckin, don't feel like going upstairs to remind myself of more but yeah. i slurp compellingly fucked up people with strong motivations/principles with a straw. And good god if you like those terra ignota has like fifty of them ! Yay! christ i love these books. if you want to marinate your brain in thoughts about them i have a "ti tags" tag which is a lot of stupid memes and also some very juicy thoughts..... things to rotate... i have been rotating it all for so many years in my mind

[abstract-ornithology]

some miscellaneous thoughts after rereading Ancillary Justice (this is my third time reading it but first time listening to the audiobook):

I think I’ve gotten better at picking up on unreliable narrator since the last time I read this book because it is only now hitting me that Breq (whom I love and cherish) is (respectfully) kind of a fucking dumbass sometimes

Adjoa Andoh!!!! is so good!!!!!

I think what threw me off the first time I read the book is that Breq is both incredibly confident in her abilities and competent enough for it to be justified, so I, being the emotionally incompetent (and almost certainly neurodivergent) teenager I was at the time, failed to pick up on the fact that despite this, she is also oblivious to the extent that her actions are dictated by her emotions (I say this like I’m not still an emotionally incompetent teenager, but humour me)

I want to make my was-almost-an-English-major friend read this so we can analyze it together, but she said she doesn’t like sci-fi because she finds the worldbuilding stuff too complicated so that’s not going to happen :(

I love how Ancillary Justice gets around the otherwise potentially suspension-of-disbelief-breaking coincidences by making them A Thing That’s Important for Radchaai citizens. Also the moments where it outright tells the reader the connotations of a word because it’s different in the in-universe languages compared to English. My thoughts on this aren’t very coherent, I just think some of the literary devices in this book are really interesting and different to what I’ve had to analyze in English class and Ann Leckie is really cool

Like, seriously, I want to have an actual conversation about this with someone who actually knows what they’re talking about because there’s so much neat stuff in the writing of this book and I want to have coherent ideas about it. I can hear all my past English teachers laughing maniacally as they bask in their success.

All the names in this series are such a vibe. And now I even know how to pronounce them! Audiobooks are great :)

Seivarden’s character development??!! (/pos)

That’s all the words my brain has to vomit for now, but I may do some actual analysis or something when/if I develop more coherent thoughts. It’s exam season though so no guarantees

[wetcatspellcaster]

Writer Interview Game

thank you so much for tagging me @eraserspiral !!!!

When did you start writing?

I wrote a lot of 'original fiction' as a teen, including a couple of TERRIBLE novels, that were essentially just a grab bag of all the books i was reading at the time. School (and in hindsight, grief) stopped this around 16-18, and then a very high pressure degree at a high profile university seemingly killed off my love of writing entirely.

I got back into writing at 26... weirdly?? just before the panini?? (january 2020, did past-me feel something in the water and know i'd need to hold onto any crumb of serotonin for dear life??) I had just finished my PhD applications, and after sinking so many hours and so many words into the most joy sucking series of forms I've ever encountered, I decided I wanted to write something fun for a change!

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I don't write smut. I read a LOT of smut.

But in terms of themes, I tend to write in worlds/fantasy settings where we can all pretend that capitalism doesn't exist, or that if it does exist, the protagonist is winning at it. I really like speculative fiction (sf and fantasy) that tackles capitalistic themes/poverty well - this has been on my mind recently bc of an arc in a D&D game I've been playing, where my wonderful DM has essentially gone 'capitalism bad' but then let us do something about it <3

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I find it hard to know what my writing 'is like'... not bc it's wildly unique or anything, but just bc I don't think I can see my own influences that clearly (if anyone wants to drop me some comparisons in the askbox, go for it, I'm curious!)

But in terms of writers I want to emulate, at the chatty/colloquial end it's T Kingfisher and Sarah Rees Brennan, who have a good handle on when to hit emotionally or on high fantasy register, and then when to have really grounded/human moments that make their characters incredibly relatable (and often very funny). At the high fantasy end, it's Shannon Chakraborty, Ann Leckie, Nghi Vo, Silvia Moreno Garcia. They write haunting and engaging narratives!

And, of course, I'm always trying to muster an ounce of whatever the fuck Howl/Sophie had going on.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I use my desk for work/thesis and want to exclusively keep it that way, so my writing space is actually just on the corner of the sofa in my living room, with my legs crossed, a blanket, and a cup of tea. No music, pure autistic silence (but also bc my laptop speaker is broken). Scotland gets dark for a long time in the winter, so it's usually pretty cosy vibes. It's probably not good for me, as I get a LOT of leg cramp.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Honestly, not to be tsundere about it... but maybe ignore the muse a little? If you've burned out or you're trying to brute force a scene, all you're doing is guilting yourself into being productive. With fic writing, especially, you should be doing it to have fun, not bc you feel like you have to. So if the words aren't coming, do other things for a bit. Go on a day trip, hang out with friends, do chores or read something. In my experience, my brain doesn't stay quiet for long, and ideas for my current project will come to me when i'm not trying to squeeze them out of myself like toothpaste.

Sometimes the well runs dry! Rather than feel terrible about it, be kind to yourself, and wait for rain x

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Hahahahaha, let's not talk about how I keep placing people into the worst versions of themselves and then have them improve and earn love anyway, regardless of if they deserve it. Or how I'm interested in characters who feel a wealth of emotion they hide from everyone behind a mask of either performed indifference, wilful charm, or simply bc they can't articulate it in the socially correct way. Or women who think 'if I cannot be beautiful or loveable, I will be competent', and the men who-

Anyway, introvert x extrovert pairings, amirite? Everything else is shown to me in a vision (my therapist reaches a dead end in my session as I insist nothing is wrong, asks me about my fanfic, and then delivers me a laundry list of the stuff I'm currently coping with. Lowest point: being told im IDing through the fucking DARKLING, on one project. That man is a war criminal, and I dont look like Ben Barnes).

What is your reason for writing?

In the beginning, I think it was pure comfort. I'd just come out of a period of extreme depression, and wanted to hallucinate some characters in love.

But recently, and going forward, I think it is a genuine exercise in proficiency. I thought my writing was so terrible that I said 'I couldn't write', for so fucking long. I now genuinely think this is something I'm good at, and that is something it has taken me so very long to believe, and even longer to say. I am a very self-deprecating person. I have so few things I feel good at, or that I think bring something worthwhile to the table. As academia delivers me blow after blow and the world leaves me feeling worthless, I am going to cling to this until my hands bleed.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

focusing on the 'motivation' part of this question... I think the comments that happen to land on the one specific thing that matters to me, those are the ones that hit hardest. It happens rarer than you'd think. part of the joy of fanfiction comments is the wealth of different reader interpretations, with people seeing things in your own work that you've never noticed. All interpretations are amazing, especially the ones that show you a blindspot you never considered. But when a reader hits the nail fucking on the head (gets a 'gold star in reading comprehension'), that's the most motivating, and makes me want to open my document and write the next chapter. Because I know then that at least one person out there 'gets it', and is fully on board with the story I want to tell.

But that is a very selfish, specific feeling. All comments are motivation, and all reader interpretations have value!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Idk if this seems weird or a disingenuous answer but... as a person?? Writing a story for fun? Pieces was a very cool and special experience, but it was very unexpected. I wasn't and never considered myself to be a 'big name fan'. I never want to enter any kind of popularity contest, and I never want to be beholden to people who are reading a story I am writing for fun. Very funny to have a story blow up when you have weird feelings about attention lmfao. Like don't get me wrong, absolutely amazing to ride such a huge tide of support, but this was meant to be my silly introvert hobby :')

I also hope they think my writing is good!! obviously!! i know it can't be everything everyone wants all the time, but you know!! i think it's neat!! I hope y'all think it's neat!! plz and thank!!!

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

lmao eraserspiral's reply to this question was a fucking mood. (just deleted it in my template to make space).

I guess... I know how to flesh out a character, and a character voice. I think I can establish a character's personality, their strengths and their flaws, and have them consistently become the vehicle for both progression and some very real, understandable mistakes. I think chapters from different perspectives feel distinct, and that when development in either direction (bad or good) happens, it feels earned.

idk man, this is a hard one to answer when depressed :')

How do you feel about your own writing?

At the end of the day, it's a lifeline. Sometimes I keep very much to myself and I protect it fiercely, because it's one of the only things that kept me going at certain points in the last few years. At my lowest, I've often wondered for what, if anything, I'll be remembered for or what I'll leave behind... and now I actually have things! 12 whole stories, where once there was nothing! Sure, it's fanfic! But some people's favourite fanfic. None of it is perfect, but it all matters to me, and we're now at the point (4 years in) where I am starting to slowly realise how it has changed me as a person, and will continue to change me going forward.

I want to start on some original ideas once my thesis is over, vivaed and done, but I don't currently see my writing as anything something I can make into a career, bc I need to keep the joy in it as the joy literally keeps me alive :')

tagging: @imscissorbladez, @pricemarshfield, @blarfshnorgull, @violacae, @dededrabbles, @brabblesblog - no pressure, just trying to share this tag game to more groups/social circles! :) x

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Choose - Lose

First posted: April 2, 2019

Focuses on: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, and Bruce Wayne

Favorite bookmark: "cried again. i will cry another time"

Second favorite bookmark: "fuck yeah"

Tier: Pretty middle of the road.

This is my “behind the scenes” series where I indulge myself horribly by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

This one. was. wild. At 699 words, I think it's my shortest (just checked, it is) and one of my more uhhh experimental pieces.

At some point in 2018-19, I read Raisin Delight by @lemonadegarden, who is an evil genius. I read it and it broke my entire brain and also my heart. It it one of the few fics I remember my name instead of a Friends-esque description. I don't know when exactly I read it because I don't know how long the emotions it inspired had to rattle around in me before they splorted out this fic in response. I wrote it all in one sitting, if I remember correctly. I don't remember getting stuck or having to backtrack. It being so short helped as well. It was—as you can tell by comparing the works—less about what happened in the fic and responding to that the way one might via a sequel or even going "I like that but what if you..." and more about be feeling many, many things around the concept presented and just needing to barf emotions into a brown paper bag.

They stood side by side, shoulders angled outward, faces on the horizon. The wind rose, lashing stinging grains of sands against their skin before dying down again.

No philosophical intro on this one. It's too short and the tone is all wrong for that kind of introduction. There was no question about sidestepping my usual chattiness and dropping in midscene. Like I said, wrote it all in one sitting, bang, done.

I did try to make each word and image count, though I'm no Ann Leckie and probably could/should have done an even finer job of it, but I do feel like the first two sentences packed in a decent amount of information.

Tim looked to the empty space where the time traveler had stood, a forgettable man with a forgettable face in a forgettable shabby brown suit, and had made his unforgettable offer.

I blame Agatha Christie for this imagery, if I blame anyone.

Bruce, face bare, t-shirt wrinkling in the wind, had sucked in a sharp breath.

This was important, them, as civilians, as people, as a father and his sons, not in costume, not with their gear and tools and weapons. This isn't Batman being forced to choose between his Robins.

In the air, a chopper whined. In the distance, a truck rumbled. A small, caped figure hurried across the dunes.

Fun fact: Even though this fic is so short I have slightly more insight than usual because I was able to pull up my chat history with @audreycritter from right after I wrote it and then surprised her with it, which is the only way I know that I was at work when I started thinking about debt and histories and timelines and realized that Jason's death was the only reason Tim joined Fam, that everyone else would have made their way in eventually but he needed Jason to die to make it and how guilty that might make him feel if he realized it, and then I remembered "Raisin Delight" (still at work) and just about lost it.

Literally at 5:03 PM on 4/1/19 I'm listing different takes I'd love to read and tell Audrey "Or some twisted scenario where a time traveler takes them back and gives them the choice. I couldn't do that one. but I would read it. Maybe. Through my fingers."

... Annnnnd by 7:43 PM on the same day I'm casually texting Audrey "hey off the top of your head by chance do you remember how Jason and Sheila got to the warehouse?" Which is how the above sentence comes into being.

(By 8:31 PM, the fic was already done.)

The traveler disappeared.

This was very much a no-answers fic. Who was that guy? Why was he doing this? How did he find them? Were they all together or did he gather them from separate places? How are they going to get back when they're done?

Answer: Don't wooooorrryyyyyyy 'bout it

Tim’s place with Bruce was bought with blood. Paid for by the death of another boy. Without the sucking, gaping void of Jason’s absence, there was no role for Tim. There would be no grief for Bruce. No reckless rage to tamp down. No despair to fight back. No place for a lonely boy from down the hill. No reason to make the walk to the Manor’s front door.

My thesis statement (paragraph.)

Beside him, Bruce swayed. Forward, as if to step, as if pulled beyond his control. Then backward, rocked by the horror, repelled by the choice.

This is the horror of the fic. Bruce cannot choose. He cannot choose one child over another. Like unbreakable-law-of-the-universe cannot, divisible by zero cannot. But not choosing is choosing, so he can't choose and he can't not choose, and if one of his sons didn't choose for him, he was going to spontaneously combust into antimatter, I think.

Beyond, Jason stood still as granite. Frozen. Hard. Petrified by the glare of Medusa. 

Contrast with Jason, who doesn't dare move a muscle.

The numbness hadn’t yet made it to Tim’s heart. It gave a twinge of surprise that they hadn't moved. Was it up to him again, then? To push Bruce into action? To do what must be done?

Contrast with Tim (the Robin who does what must be done, who exists to help Bruce and keep him on the right path), who assumed Jason must be the one saved, because as he goes on to explain, Jason dies. He gets beaten, tortured, blown apart, killed, buried, and resurrected in his own grave. Tim... well, Tim will lose his heart and happiness and the only true family he's ever known, but he won't know that.

Or, to quote myself:

He would wake, alive and whole, in his own bed. He wouldn’t even notice the hole where his heart had been. He would live, but he would lose.

Some version of those two words were always the options for the fic, because it's about choosing and losing (not or. and.) But the options listed in the chat were:

Choose. Lose.

Choose / Lose

Choose - Lose

and then lots of grumping about how, grammatically, Choose, Lose and Choose; Lose are both more accurate but I loathed them.

Bruce had gone white. Jason had gone green.

A clever commenter thought this was a reference to the Pit. It wasn't, just nausea (watching yourself walk to a horrible end) and maybe a small nod to Megan Whalen Turner. I like the thought, though.

Tim took a step forward. Then another. A hand encircled his wrist, held him fast. The trigger callus scraped against his skin.

Like I said. Bruce could never choose or not choose. He needed his sons to make the choice for themselves. There was never another universe where he stopped Tim or let him go. It had to be Tim's choice to go and lose his future just as it had to be Jason's choice to stop him and accept what he had.

And lastly, a commenter left essentially a dictation of the dialogue she had with her mother (who doesn't read fic or know anything about DC) telling her what happened in this fic, and it made my entire life.

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Coming Out Swinging; or, It's So Early In The Year To Be Over-Buying Books But Here We Are.

Okay, so: I know I set one of my bookish goals this year to be "buy fewer books," BUT! First off, preorders don't count, and second off, the Two Lines Press haul was logged under last year's book purchases, and it's not my fault they arrived a week later. RAVEN TOWER I have no excuses for.

I have really enjoyed everything of Two Lines Press that I've read so far--their Calico series are perfect bite-sized anthologies in translation, vaguely themed (and THIS IS US LOSING COUNT has the English and Russian version of the poems presented side by side! I can read both of those!!). I'm ride or die for Wayward Children installments (this is why I love January), and a friend spoke very highly of RAVEN TOWER so I picked up a used copy from HPB. I'm very pleased with my piecemeal haul to start the year! I swear I'll buy fewer books once I work through all my coupons/gift cards! I love books!!

[bropunzeling]

☕️ fav fantasy books/series and what makes them so good and so For Jess. bonus for thoughts on what makes a less good fantasy fall flat

oh Boy okay alright!!!!

fantasy series i love/are excellent/peak For Jess: radiant emperor duology by shelley parker-chan (point: is it fantasy or just historical-ish fiction with some supernatural elements? counterpoint: i fucking love it and this is my list). the lumatere chronicles by melina marchetta. the daevabad trilogy by s. a. chakraborty. queen's thief my beloved!!!!! piranesi aka one of the best novels i read in 2020. tortall series by tamora pierce (but protector of the small quartet is the best of them).

honorable mentions: the raven tower by ann leckie; sharon shinn's elemental blessings series isn't like, as sharp as the top tier, but i really enjoy every reread; earthsea (but mostly the ones about tenar); it feels like cheating to say discworld but again: my list; the divine cities by robert jackson bennett; the stravaganza books were not quote unquote good but they did change my brain chemistry when i was 13; goblin emperor books (but more witness for the dead bc u kno me, i love a murder mystery). lotr would be here except i read them all once as a 6th grader and have yet to return. i still need to read the oleander sword but the jasmine throne kicked ass.

ok what is the unifying factor here lol. strong world building is very important i think; a real sense of a distinct place and culture/mix of cultures rather than Generic Medieval European City. there was a really good post going around that was like, where does the food come from (aka have you thought about how all of this actually works?), and a lot of these series think about Where Does The Food Come From. differences in cultural norms among different groups within the world AND from the audience. plots strongly rooted in politics/the inherent people-ness of people rather than everything relying on magic (not to say i don't love me some magic/divine plaything stories!!!! but they hit so much harder when the conflict comes from a place of innate human foibles). a dash of wonder and the inexplicable. if an answer is needed, it fits in the schema of everything else, but you don't feel the author trying to answer literally everything (when an author is sweating to show their work u can tell imo). most of these have at least one set of people where i want to see them kiss on the mouth, but most of the time that is not the Point; the best fantasy for me treats romance as a subplot/b-plot where it informs the stakes but is not the stakes itself. and ur basics of a good book in general: good writing, good pacing, et cet er a!

what makes them fall flat? world building inconsistency; new magic springing up because well, the author NEEDED it (aka those moments when you can see the seams lol); when the romance is the a plot (sorry but romantasy = not for jesses!!!!!); i think also authors get tripped up both by not planning ahead enough AND planning ahead too much when doing series (if you get a deal for one than one book you should have more than one book's worth of material; however if you can’t change and move then you can be stifled! see ursula le guin revisiting the gendered magic of earthsea in tehanu years later, or tamora pierce going oh shit there are normies in tortall in protector of the small). also this is a ME thing but i fuckin hate purple or twee prose. fantasy does not mean break out the thesaurus.

sorry for the novel. im gonna think of like six more books as soon as i post this

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

Hi, hello, hola, it's me! This is not a WIP Wednesday post (well, the WIP is always me), but it's something.

First off, thank you thank you thank you to all the beautiful people who messaged me, or commented, or tagged me in things, or even just thought kind warm thoughts at me while I've been away and not writing. Brain not working good enough to sort through the things and tag properly but you know the drill - I love you all.

Here are things I did while I wasn't writing AKA while I have Big Sad Brain:

I visited London, and had a great time - eating delicious food, flat-sitting, visiting old haunts, picking up new ones, spending time with friends, and watching too much Shakespeare. The salted beef bagels in Brick Lane are still unparalleled, there were daffodils everywhere, and I brought home too much tea but not enough biscuits.

I buzzed my hair short again, and as EarlobeGreyTea said, "it really moved your energy from bisexual to lesbian," and then followed up with, "I'm glad that I, a man, could explain your sexuality to you"

I read a lot. I read The Locked Tomb series (I'm obsessed) and fell down a danmei pit (I have consumed SVSSS and MDZS but not yet TGCF) and I have spicy hot takes on why I did not enjoy The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo or The Starless Sea. I re-read all of Ann Leckie's books. I read The Future is Disabled in a Socialist bookshop in London, and I cried so fucking hard that the gentleman in the shop asked me if I was okay. I read The Song of Achilles and Circe and wandered down the labyrinth of getting really, really into Greek myth.

Speaking of: I bought an ROG Ally (horrible name, hate it, but the console itself is fine, it's like a more versatile Steam Deck) and I played Hades. So much Hades. So. Much. Hades. And every time I met Patroclus in Elysium, I bawled, "He's so SAD! He's such a SAD MAN! I need to make him UN-SAD!"

I finally finished the godforsaken Totoro cross-stitch pictured above. As soon as I framed it, I held it up to my spouse and said, "Could a depressed person make THIS?" and he said, "Yes" and then "Good job," because he's a lamb.

When I had energy, I cooked. I learned how to make carrot ginger dressing and shogayaki, and how to velvet pork. I made some of my standbys, like applesauce pancakes and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and felt very Smug and Very Adult for putting frozen cookie dough into my freezer so Future Me could have cookies. I introduced my family to Uncle Roger and I've never heard my mother (1) get so angry and (2) laugh so hard. When I couldn't cook, I ate food that someone else made, and it was enough to celebrate: I ate a meal! I ate food! I fed a me! Hooray!

I spent time with my beautiful friends. I spent time with my beautiful family. They are so good and they have been with me through so many tough things and depressive episodes, through bullshit and drama and tears, like that time I screaming-yelled at someone over the phone (they deserved it) during an engagement party at the cabin and then I had to walk out and pretend to be Normal and got drunk on a lot of Old Fashioneds.

I grew things. Flowers and vegetables and herbs and I accidentally made a great home for some very invasive weeds. The squirrels left only one sunflower alone (they ate the rest), but even now in mid-October, there are still bright coral-red flares of peppery nasturtium, and feathery pale pink zinnias from my caretaker at work (who is an angel), and gigantic, blue-tipped borage. My best friend moved in down the street from me, so she's only a five-minute walk away, and now I can pick flowers and stick them in a vase and walk them over to her, and I love it. I grew too many tomatoes (they got..... scary. My favourite were the heirloom tomatoes, as big as my fist, that remind me of my Lolo) and forgot about the cucumbers (they got lewd) and let myself get coaxed into growing three different kinds of mint: chocolate, grapefruit, and berries & cream (because I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream).

I bullied my spouse into watching Practical Magic with me the other evening and every time That Fucking Cop came on screen, he said, "That Fucking Cop! This movie would be good but there's too much of That Fucking Cop in it" and I felt so v i n d i c a t e d

I tried to write. I tried to write. I tried to write. I tried to write, and then let go of trying to write and just let myself do all the other things that make up living, try to amend the soil so that something good can grow there again. I tried to talk myself out of unhappiness but it's funny how that doesn't work, how only hard-fought kindness has helped me trudge out of the swamp, again and again and again.

I had one of those moments recently that felt like it could have been in one of my stories. At Thanksgiving dinner, I was sitting next to my little half-sister-in-law (a mouthful, I know). She is seven and she lost her dad two years ago and she said, "I wish my dad was here." And I said, "I know, honey. I think we all do." And she said, "I miss his piano playing," because her dad used to play piano the other way someone else might doodle on a napkin - absentmindedly, brilliantly, while wearing a faded green apron and with a dishtowel thrown over his shoulder, in between checking if the roast was up to temp and pouring someone a glass of wine. Always red wine, from the Piedmont region, which is where my spouse's Nonna is from. I asked my little half-sister-in-law, "Do you think you'll learn how to play piano?" and she said, "I don't know," and I said, "It's okay not to know." And then she asked, "Do you have a Gothita?" and we went back to talking about Pokemon, which we had been talking about for a conservative 90% of the dinner.

I wrote this. I wrote this and it felt good to feel my fingers moving, it felt good to have words spilling from me, it felt good to have faith in words again, that the words could be something good, could do something good, that the worlds could just be and it could be good, and that I could just be, and that could be good. Just being could be good. Even if I never wrote another word ever again, just being would be good. As I said to one of my friends many years ago during some deep dark down shitty times, "It's hard work, being human. Thank you for doing the work."

Take care. I love you all. ❤️❤️❤️

[delta-orionis]

Tuesday Again No Problem 2/13/24

My friend @girlfriendsofthegalaxy has a weekly post series summing up things she listened to/watched/made/etc that week, and I'd like to give it a try myself. I tried to do something similar with my Synthwave Sunday posts, but those ended up being unsustainable for me in the long run. I think something in the middle of the week might be a bit easier for me to maintain, but I'm not going to hold myself to a strict standard or anything.

Without further ado:

listening

Mostly the Rain World soundtrack. It’s good to put on when I’m focusing on something else.

That said, I also listened to Tangerine Dream’s album Hyperborea in its entirely the other day, and I ended up liking it quite a bit. I might have to look into more of their stuff. It’s full of good retro synths.

reading

I finally started reading Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie earlier this week, after the poor book had been sitting on my bookshelf, unread, for nearly two years. Good friends of mine have been telling me I’d enjoy it that entire time, but I just never got around to starting it until now. I’m not very far into the book, but I like what I’ve read so far.

I made a post a few days ago about why I think I have trouble reading books these days. Because of the way my brain works, I have a really hard time keeping characters from a piece of media straight in my head if it’s not a visual medium. I already know this book is going to throw a lot of characters at me, so I’ve been doing my best to write down a list of characters and their basic attributes as I read. I’m hoping it will make this book easier for me to parse, because I really do want to give it an honest shot.

I’ve been mostly reading during my downtime at work, which is few and far between these days, so I expect this book will take a long time for me to finish. Time will tell, I suppose.

watching

Fallow week. Unless Rain World memes and Canopener Bridge videos count.

playing

Still playing Rain World. I’m very close to beating Artificer’s campaign, but at this point I’m kind of just milling around getting passage tokens and finding pearls for Five Pebbles to read. I’m not going to be a completionist about it, I mostly just want to see how many pearls I can find before I start to get bored.

(I’ve brought him seven so far.)

making

I’m continuing to work on my Five Pebbles amigurumi.

I still need to finish and attach his arms, and then make his cloak. But he should be finished soon! Then I’ll start working on Looks to the Moon.

He ended up being much bigger than any amigurumi I’ve made before, but I’m fine with that. It’s an interesting challenge.

I’m also going to count my recent post about my Rain World iterator headcanons in the “making” section too, because fuck it, media analysis is a hobby too.

Rain World in particular has been a pretty good chew toy for my brain recently. The lore is kind of vague and confusing, but there’s enough there for you to begin to piece together the bigger picture. I recall reading in a devlog, “Some mysteries in Rain World aren’t meant to be solved”, but that doesn’t mean people aren’t going to try! And try I will, even if it does make me feel like that one scene from It’s Always Sunny sometimes.

[asexualbookbird]

Spooky season is still here in my eyes. Spooky season is eternal. October, however, is over! I didn't read a whole lot because my Sit And Do Nothing energy was spent on my Drawtober challenge, but that's okay! I had fun! Read a few novellas! Read most of what I had planned to read! I didn't get to The Liar's Knot, but I requested the audiobook from my library so I can do more puzzles about it.

I found a fun new game called Suika which is very dangerous and a lot of fun! They changed the theme for Halloween and now all the watermelons are jack o lanterns! I also watched Detective Pikachu which was very enjoyable. It was a good month despite life lol

The Book of Koli by MR Carey DNF - this was for book club and I couldn't get into it. Stopped reading after ten days and three chapters. Might go back to it in audio form, but not a priority (book club said it was very hard to get into)

Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman ⭐⭐⭐ - it wasn't as exciting as the first one, but still worth a read. All the action was shoved into the final act and by that point I just wanted it to be over. Will still read book three!

Of Ice and Shadows by Audrey Coulthurst ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - buddy read with a friend!! Adored it!!!! The pacing was a little off for me, but otherwise! A very good book! (why would you [REDACTED] [REDACTED] that wasn't very nice)

Provenance by Ann Leckie ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - ADORED THIS! Maybe even more than the og trilogy do not @ me

The Scourge Between Stars by Ness Brown ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - a silly little fucked up story :) perfect for spooky season :) little bite sized space horror :)

The Crane Husband by Kelly Barnhill ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Weird! Fucked up! I don't know what I expected but it wasn't that!

I have yet to choose my reads for November, I'm not sure what I'm in the mood for. I still have seven books left in my Yearly Goal Stack and I'm worried I might not make it whoops. But I'll do my best!

[eruditetyro]

long post abt dancing

the caller last night btw used zie zir pronouns and called complicated dances all fucking night. they weren’t even that complicated they just fell outside the usual dance patterns, zie had us doing right hand circles and left side chains. and zie used completely positional calling with no role names. so it was one of those situations where you realize how much that shorthand pervades your brain. like when reading ann leckie books and you realize that the same adjectives you would read differently when they’re assigned to different genders and you have to go now hang on. ok now i’m aware i was doing that. anyway the left side chains were fun because i’m typically a right side dancer (i do dance both ways, just typically) and most of the men are typically left side dancers (in traditional roles left side is gents side, or leads side; in our typical contemporary language left side is larks to right side ravens or robins) and i got to courtesy turn every neighbor and because i love twirling i twirled every single one on the courtesy turn except the one old guy who did not want to (did not easily allow his hand to be moved above his head). and that was good fun. i think more dances should slip in moves like that that flip the anticipated move allocation between positions. and i like when people are forgiving when we switch roles. i can get nervous about switching and i don’t do nearly as many flourishes when i lead and that’s embarrassing in some ways but it’s because i need more practice but it takes a specific mood for me to want to do it and if i’m just a bit too tired or caught up sometimes i’ll switch myself back into the right hand side coming out of a swing by pure force of habit. and that can be fun actually. i did do a switch dance that felt very good last night. no teasing about it or anything and we switched at least four times if not more. it was easier to switch with a positional caller i think because if newbies don’t learn ladies/gents they don’t get as convinced they’re fucking something up when the person coming at them isn’t who they expect. and the experienced dancers all know that i’m probably doing it on purpose and will sort myself out if i’m not. anyway it was fun.