#AND she ended up alone with no one??? when a friendship with cait was so easily accessible writing-wise????

[lasarcasticpanda]

ill need to sit with season 2 a bit longer to have like full feelings, and ultimately i did love it, but i do think it would've benefitted from another act. idk if a whole other season would be good (too much space to go off the rails), but another 3 episodes. so many important things happened off-screen and Mel, in particular, kind of got shafted this season. i wanted more with her - before she got Black Rosed away or whatever, it would've been very cool to see her trying to sway cait away from ambessa and really set up their dynamic for later. plus more time for other character interactions and motivations (SEVIKA).

also zaun and piltover. it would've been cool to spend more time in the actual cities, with the citizens- i want to see them interacting. people in power uphold power structures keeping them where they are but the average person? they want to live their lives and i wanted to see more of that, esp after the fight. i wanted to see piltover citizens crossing into zaun to celebrate with them. i want to see the beginnings of the good timeline we saw and seeing those on the ground mending distance while the council holds to the power structure would be so good.

there were so many Big Things happening all the time this season that we were too high up to see the ground clearly and i do think another act would've helped bring that back into perspective a lot.

[gracechiew]

The cameras are placed in Alexis’ and I’s room, already recording my every move. They even installed a digital clock for us big enough to be a local shop sign. The clock read “00:01:00.” One minute to go before we break headlines. The nerves were now kicking in, and I’m sure Alexis feels the same way. Rather it was for this, I am unsure. How did we ever agree to this?

The short answer would have been that we were both drunk idiots. Funnily enough, Alexis and I were already on a call together when we were dead set to have the longest call. She’d been someone I considered my very first friend, bonding over our opposite feelings for Justin Bieber. We had sleepovers during the weekends, our families clicked immediately, heck, we even showered together when we were in first grade because of our fear of ghosts haunting us. Our friendship however, took a turn when she announced she was leaving for Singapore in our third year of primary school.

The first few years without her were rough, but she was consistent in coming back home to visit, and that was all that mattered. A friendship for over a decade long and still counting is such a feat, especially since we are still in our teens (for the last time). Unlike our usual calls, we decided to have a little celebration over the call for graduating high school with a little illegal cup of gin last Friday. The next afternoon, I received an email notification confirming my application for a Guinness World Record. 

That same day, we were on a call together the moment we sobered up from our pathetic hangover, pacing around. Still pacing around, I attempted to decipher Alexis on the opposite side of my screen. She had stood still. I wonder how long she stood there for. Her face was cryptic, almost incomprehensible. I eventually stopped pacing around too, only looking at her. It was not long before she broke the silence with the same indifferent expression.   

“What if we just go for it Cait? No harm done anyway.”

Alexis was right. There was no harm in trying a groundbreaking project. The only risk I could think of after that unnecessary pacing was that our devices may explode from overheating. But before I could say anything, she interrupted the silence yet again. 

“Also Caitlyn, I have something I wish to say. I hope you don’t rush over what I will say, and give it some proper thought. You may think it’s unnatural, but I cannot think of any better time than now to confess before we do that long call. I love you. Much more than that of a friend, you bring such joy to my world and I want to hold a stronger bond with you in order to expand our already existing love. You mean a lot to me, and of course your feelings hold importance to me, so please take the time to consider before refusing flatly… That’s all I have to say. Thanks for listening. The next time I’ll call you we won’t just be alone, but breaking a record together. Goodbye.”

Ten seconds to go. We didn’t call, nor did we text since her confession, and I admit, I was stumped when she abruptly ended the call. So this time, I am going to return the favor back, but with love.  

[vecnasrevengerp]

welcome home KATHERINE O’HANNON (laura harrier fc)

hope you brought your tissues with you! be sure to check in at home or to your hotel and don’t forget to always look over your shoulder. this is hawkins, after all.

basics

[LAURA HARRIER, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER] When’s the last time anyone heard anything about [KATHERINE O’HANNON]? Old friends remember them as [COMPASSIONATE and INTELLIGENT] but also [NAIVE and SELF-CONSCIOUS], no wonder they’re still known as [THE BIBLIOPHILE] around town. Today, in 2006, they are [THIRTY-TWO] and some people say they remind them of [THE SMELL OF BOOKS AND VANILLA, GLASS PERCHED ON THE END OF HER NOSE, CRYING WATCHING LATE NIGHT ROMANCE FILMS]. [cait, twenty-seven, she/her, est].

biography

Katherine O’Hannon wasn’t extremely popular around Hawkins. In fact, most people had to think about who she was to begin with.. then they’d say something along the lines of ‘Oh, Grace’s daughter’ or ‘The quiet girl from the library?’. Katherine didn’t mind it this way. Her mother was a teacher at Hawkins Middle and her father lived a few cities away. The most she had seen of him was the child support check that came in the mail once a month. Her mother was extremely busy.. while she taught at the school full time she also worked part time at the library to keep up with the bills. The rest of her time was spent with whoever she met at her Speed Dating events or the local bar. The men were always far from perfect. Katherine did her best to just stay out the way. Books taking her places far away from her lonely life in Hawkins, Indiana. Picturing herself as these women in the novels. Brave, powerful women using their voices…. something Katherine was certain she could never be.

School was never hard for her. She was extremely intelligent and got by easily. There was never an issue with bullying because they simply didn’t realize she existed. Katherine was probably a ghost just getting by without anyone noticing. Spending her lunch period alone at a corner table reading, writing, or watching as the other students mingled with their friends. She sat and listened. While she was not directly involved in anything she heard everything. The good thing about being invisible is no one knows you’re there. People spilling their guts right in front of her and not even realizing she was there. The stories she had heard were interesting enough for her to write down… inspire her story telling. Inspire plots in the never ending novel she seemed to be working on.

It wasn’t until later in life she felt like she had actually been noticed. Dustin Henderson wasn’t shy by any means.. and seeing as he frequented the library often he was probably the only person in the town who actually knew her name. But, there wasn’t a friendship built until they were older. Katherine and Dustin seemed to have a natural spark. A friendship quickly blossomed into more and soon they were married. It was a whirlwind she not only became a wife but a stepmother all in a matter of months. But, the kids were precious and everything to her. Katherine knew that there was no filling the shoes of the mother they had lost but that there could only be love and understanding. She grew so fond of them all. Becoming a mother was never something she saw for herself… it wasn’t that she didn’t want to but it just didn’t seem possible for a girl who no one looked at. They were comfortable. She worked and took care of the two children during the day while he made his inventions. It was simple and worked well… maybe too well. Her husband clearly had a lot of time on his hands. Not that he wasn’t paying her attention but he did spend a lot of time in the shed.

Katherine felt as though something was up when he had gone on a trip. It wasn’t that she was exactly snooping but when she found out he had been communicating with an old flame it sent off a red flag and she began to gather evidence. Katherine was kind and compassionate… and loved Dustin. But, she was hurt. She has built their relationship on the foundation that she would not end up like her mother. Sad, alone, and letting a man cheat on her. When confronting him and finding out her suspicion was true that he visited Susie and he has an affair she immediately began to pack her things. But, the children.. she had grown to love them so much more. She couldn’t lose them. They were like her own. The three of them were all practically attached at the hip by now… and they needed a mother. So, an agreement was drawn up that there would be fifty-fifty custody between her and Dustin. It was all she asked for in their divorce because they meant so much to her.

It hurt for a while and at times her heart still skips a beat when they meet up for different events or to drop off the kids during the week. But, she pushes it down.. he hurt her deeply. She couldn’t trust him like she had before. He had broken that bond they built by seeing someone else. So Katherine ignores those feelings and focuses on her writing… and since that hasn’t taken off she works full time as a librarian. With the news of Joyce Beyer’s death she knew that she would have to keep the kids a little more if not only give Dustin time to grieve the lost of his childhood friend’s mother.

As an aside, please let us know what your character left behind in the Hawkins High Time Capsule between 1983 (Season 1) - 1986 (Season 4). We’d simply love to know! Please do so even if your character was not canonically in Hawkins or attending Hawkins High during this timeframe.

1983 - A copy of Pride and Prejudice and her favorite writing pen. 1984 - A pair of beat up converse she wore almost everyday to school.1985 - A polaroid of her mother’s classroom. 1986 - A copy of her story she has written that was inspired by some of the rumors she had heard at lunch throughout middle and high school.

stats

Athletics - 1

Burglary - 0

Contacts - 1

Deceive - 2

Drive - -1

Empathy - 3

Fight - -1

Investigate - 3

Lore - 3

Medicine - 1

Navigation - 0

Notice - 3

Provoke - -3

Rapport - 1

Resourcefulness - 1

Stealth - 2

Will - 3

extras

pinterest board. playlist.

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

We've had so much happy sappy things lately. How about some angst? Companions react to sole getting super pissed at them and just leaving forever?

Oh, no..... I knew this was going to come soon enough... All good things must come to an end, after all 😔💙💛

All jokes aside, this literally broke my heart to write, but I very much enjoyed your suggestion for the new perspective it gave and the opportunity to write some good, old-fashioned angst 🥰 I didn't provide an explanation for what they said or what they did to make F!Sole mad, which I hope is okay! (I couldn't picture my F!Sole leaving any of them for any reason but I'm sure everyone's Sole varies in that respect)

Warnings: Light mentions of suicide, heavy mentions of drug and alcohol use.

Cait - Falls back into chems and will likely drug and drink herself to the grave. She can't believe that she went and screwed everything up again. She let down and upset the one person she vowed to never do that to, and now she's alone. Again. She's managed to run off the one person in her whole lifetime that actually cared about her and all she knows is that life is not even really worth living sober if she has to endure pain like this.

Piper - Cries herself to sleep for many nights after and sometimes finds herself crying during the day while she's typing an article or doing small mundane things, her guilt and sadness consuming her. (If F!Sole let her interview her back when she first came to Diamond City) Piper keeps a copy of the View from the Vault articles beside her bed and numbly reads them sometimes before going to sleep just to remind her of the only best friend she had ever had in her life. The only person that had stuck by her and tried to look out for her since her dad. Eventually she stops crying, but it takes a long time for her to rebound and her smile to come back. It never is as bright as it used to be when F!Sole was there, though.

Curie - Breaks her heart and completely destroys her. She cries for days, weeks, forever. All she knows is that there is a huge hole in her heart and she thinks of F!Sole every day. Her humanity is a constant reminder of the great person that she had lost and she will forever blame and kick herself for being so horrible that F!Sole would leave her. Curie will always care about F!Sole even if F!Sole doesn't care about her and Curie will forever miss her.

MacCready - Ends up heading back to go be with Duncan permanently. F!Sole was the only thing keeping him in the Commonwealth but now that he screwed that up, there is no reason left to stay. He was originally going to have his son brought to him as soon as possible, but he decides that they're better off away from where all of the sad memories are lingering. When he returns to his son, he is very happy, but he soon falls into a basic routine, trying to get through his grief of losing a true friend because of his own stupidity. He will eventually come out of the depression, but he will always carry the intense guilt of driving her away for good.

Deacon - Despite the fact that he just continues on with that constant mask of looking like he's just as calm and happy as anyone else, he is hurting deeply on the inside. It is easy to tell because of how he seems even more distant than usual and he very rarely ever comes back to the Railroad HQ. Guilt turns him into someone even more detached than he used to be before she left. However, he sometimes goes undercover just to watch her at a safe enough distance to keep her from recognizing him. After all, he has not changed his face since she left, preferring to keep some souvenir from his time with her. Unfortunately, his face is all he has left of those days.

Codsworth - Is broken-hearted and is at the epitome of guilt because he cannot believe he has made her so mad that she will have nothing more to do with him. He has absolutely no one left to serve and there is no one left who cares about him at all. He ends up falling into a state of denial, somehow glitching and convincing himself that she, sir, and young Shaun are simply away and will come back eventually. He sadly remains in this deluded state for the remainder of his days.

Hancock - Somehow does even more chems than before, knowing it cannot kill him but needing the rush to distract him from the complete and utter pain after sending away one of the few people that actually stood by him through thick and thin. He goes back to being the full-time mayor of Goodneighbor, but when he falls so deeply into the chems, the citizens begin thinking that it would be best to overthrow him. When he figures this out, he knows he has to stop doing the chems quite so much. He cuts back just enough to be coherent and make speeches to inspire people, but anyone can see that he is by no means doing as well as he used to before F!Sole left. At some point he is completely numb and he takes the chems to just feel something besides this deadness inside.

Danse - Is devastated. She is all he had left after being kicked out of the Brotherhood. He can't believe that he drove away the person that convinced him to see his own worth despite his true identity. He finds himself in deep, inescapable depression, and he eventually loses sight of why he should even keep going on at all. After all, he is just an instrument of evil that breaks friendship, families, and all good things. Why would the world need something like that?

Preston - Despite the fact that he does not believe he can do it, he forces himself to take up the mantel of General. He tries to lead and maintain a brave face even though he feels like he is falling apart. He knows the Minutemen are depending on him, and he feels so helpless. Eventually, he hands leadership over to Ronnie Shaw, returning to a second-in-command position as he throws himself into duties and work to try not to think about the loss of one of the few people that actually saw his vision and tried to help him achieve his dream. However, he can't quite forget the fact that it's all his fault that it ended up like this.

Valentine - Honestly cannot believe it and is in pure shock and devastation for several days before the grief and depression finally sets in. He throws himself into his work and becomes even more self-endangering, caring very little about himself and what happens to him. He knows he still has Ellie and the agency, but it just kind of seems to fade in importance as he thinks of F!Sole and how he drove her away. If he doesn't manage to get himself killed during this period, Ellie has a stern talk with him, and he actually does start being a little more careful. Not quite the level of careful he was when he had both F!Sole and Ellie on his back about it, but he tries for Ellie's sake if not his own.

X6-88 - Is quite angry at himself for angering and isolating such a vital and valuable asset of the Institute, but there is something else inside of him that pricks and pokes at his mind and gut. It is something he cannot identify and something he has never experienced before. It frequently brings her face to the forefront of his mind, homing in on just how angry that she looked and how she looked like she would rather be looking upon a pile of Brahmin dung than to be staring into his face. It bothers him for some reason, and when he returns to the Institute and expresses his thoughts, it is the last thing on his mind before they wipe his memory of her and reset him entirely.

Dogmeat - Tries to follow her even though she does not want him to. When she screams and throws things at him, he lowers his ears and tucks his tail, confused at what in the world he did wrong. He just wants her to love him again like she used to. He could be a better boy. He could stop pooping in Cait's shoes and stop chewing holes in things. Eventually, after weeks of following her and being rejected, he finally leaves her alone, heading back to Red Rocket Truck Stop where he decides to wait for her in hopes she will one day come back and give him all the pets or at least one pet. He ends up living his days waiting for her and pacing the place, waking up every morning with hopes that the sunrise will bring her back to him until he doesn't see the sunrise again.

Strong - Stays mad at her forever. However, he sometimes does wish that he had tiny human to help him with some things like fighting or cooking, but he quickly remembers that he's mad at her and tells himself that super mutants don't need puny humans. But there is something strange in his stomach when he thinks of her, but he usually smashes something to try to make himself feel better. The feeling never goes away quickly, though.

[goodneighborxfallout]

Reaction: Breaking up with the companions

(Just want to put it out there: the next reaction will be Sole and companion getting back together)

Cait

The betrayal was real and damn did it hurt. Cait didn’t let people in, period, you were the exception because she truly believed you cared and would always be there for her so when you broke up with her so many different emotions went through her at once, she could barely handle it and keep herself together. Anger, at herself for being as stupid as to let someone in, and at you, for making her believe she could rely on you. Sadness, because once again she was alone. Disappointment, she truly thought she could start a new life with you. Understanding, she knew she could be a lot to handle. But above all she felt stupid. Even if you told her that you just didn’t love her that way but still cared about her as a friend, she would need time to come around to the idea. But she would in the end, because she’d rather have you around as a friend than not at all.

Curie

Curie would take the break up as an adult, the way it should be handled and she’d respect your decision, but depending on why you broke up with her, she might be really confused. See, for Curie it is unthinkable that a feeling as strong as love would suddenly just be gone. So if your reason for breaking up with her is that you just don’t feel that way towards her anymore, she’d have a really hard time grasping it and she’d try to think of other reasons you might want to break up, but she could really only think of one: did she perhaps do something wrong? It would take some time convincing her before she’d believe that that was honestly not the case and in the end she’d just have to take peace with the fact that people change. 

Danse

Breaking up with Danse would absolutely break this man. Like his world came crumbling down a second time, only this time it was so much worse. The first time was when his true identity got discovered and he got kicked out of the Brotherhood. He thought that’d be the worst thing he’d ever go through in his life, and there was only one thing that kept him together. You. Now, you were gone as well and he had to deal with everything on his own, and he just wasn’t sure if he could. Actually no, he was pretty damn sure he could not. 

Deacon

Deacon would pretend like it wasn’t a big deal at all. “Alright, it was fun while it lasted, back to amigos then?” But inside he was torn apart and now, more than ever before, it scared him how well you knew him. If you left the Railroad after breaking up with him, he’d stay in the Railroad but would get facial reconstruction surgery and take on a new identity. If you stayed in the Railroad however he’d often consider leaving. He didn’t think it was fair to leave everything he had achieved there behind, but being around you was too painful and scary because you knew too much about him. 

Hancock

Hancock was very conflicted when you broke up with him. On the one hand he was sad, he loved you so much and he truly thought you were the one, but on the other hand it felt right, you deserved better than a ghoul after all. But he didn’t show you how he really felt, he took the news like a champ and continued to be really chill around you whenever you two met, though afterwards he’d confine himself to his bedroom inside the Old State House and experimented with chems to figure out which one was best at glueing together a broken heart. Spoilers: none of them. 

MacCready

Would be visibly upset with you, though he’d hear out your reason(s) for breaking up with him and take peace with them. He wouldn’t be that guy to get angry with you for not wanting to be with him no more, he knew you couldn’t force those things, but that didn’t make it easier to cope with losing you. So Mac would tell you he didn’t want to be around you for the time being and took the first job as a hired gun that became available to him just to get away from you and the memories of your relationship.

Nick

Nick would be much like Hancock. He’d be sad, because he never even thought he’d find love, but you were everything he could ever want, but also relieved because sometimes he wondered if you were completely alright in the head. He knew you deserved better so he didn’t show you that breaking up with him hurt him. He didn’t want you to feel bad for him, if anything he felt foolish for even thinking this thing between you two could last. 

Piper

Heartbroken, and she’d show it. You mean so much to her and she thought you and her were gonna go far. She’d question why you’d want to break up with her and would really want to know everything she could about how you felt. Did she do something that caused your feelings for her to change? How long had you been considering this break up? After hearing you out and accepting that you actually just don’t feel that way for her anymore, she��d tell you she needed time before she could be around you again and spent the following weeks or even months completely focused on Nat and her job. 

Preston

Just shocked. He’d have so many questions, he didn’t know which one to ask first and it would result in just some gibberish coming out of his mouth. After composing himself he’d just ask you one thing. “Why?” Preston wouldn’t act annoying or difficult, he’d hear you out and kinda just accept it. Sure, he’d need some time and he’d use your position as general and his superior to create a barrier between the two of you. 

X6-88

Confused. He thought you two were doing alright. No explanation would really lift his confusion either. If you told him you had trouble dealing with his moral compass, he’d remember all the times he didn’t agree with moral choices you made. He didn’t break up with you for that. Should he have? Confusion! If you told him you just didn’t feel that way towards him anymore and just want to be friends, he’d start questioning whether what he felt for you was actually love or also just friendship. Confusion. His confusion would take up any space in him to feel anything else, so he’d never actually feel sad about the break up… 

[fallout4reactsblog]

I was wondering if you could do an ask for those of us who don't have family to celebrate the holidays with. Companions react to Sole being upset spending their first holiday season without their family.

Cait: ��Do you wish you had someone this holiday, Cait?”

It’s a weird question to come out of nowhere, and she leans around the curio she’s searching through to eye them quizzically.

“Why do you ask?”

They shrug. “I was just thinking about my family and everything, and how I miss them, and I thought I would get your opinion.”

She chews her lip thoughtfully and returns to rifling through drawers. “The way I see it, this is the one holiday I actually do have someone to spend it with. Before you, nobody gave a shite about me, you know?”

“I guess I hadn’t thought about it like that.” They laugh a little. “What an odd pair we make.”

“At least you’re not completely alone. You’ve got me, after all. Think of how much worse it would’ve been if you were by yourself.”

“That’s a surprisingly adept observation coming from you, Cait.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She chucks a loose snack cake at them.

They dodge, laughing. “It’s just strangely philosophical, you telling me to focus on what I have instead of dwelling on what I don’t. I guess I can learn a thing or too from you, huh?”

“Damn straight. You should listen to me more.”

“If I did, I’d end up dead.”

“Probably just maimed.”

“Brutally maimed.”

She waves a hand through the air. “Details.”

When they’ve quieted for a moment, she murmurs, “But for real, I am glad to have you, sole.”

Quietly, she hears. “I’m glad to have you, too.”

Curie: She taps the end of her pencil to her cheek as she searches for the right word. It’s not “impossible,” and “improbably” sounds too formal, but the word she wants escapes her. Frustrating.

“Curie?”

She glances up at sole, who’s sitting on the other end of the couch. In the middle, their legs have tangled together, and she looks past them to look them in the eyes.

“What is troubling you Madame/Monsieur?”

“Nothing, nothing. I just noticed you’ve been a lot more affectionate lately. I mean, you’ve barely left my side.”

She flushes. “Is that a problem?”

“No, not at all, I just thought it was strange.”

“I simply thought you would be feeling more lonely this time of year. Holidays can be a difficult time of year for those of us without family to celebrate with, non?”

They narrow their eyes. “Why were you even thinking about that?”

“I was simply reminiscing on my time with the other scientists before the war, and I remembered how lonely it was all by myself in the lab. They were always so happy around the holidays. And I thought to myself, sole is not in a lab, but they are also missing their family. I thought perhaps you would appreciate a little extra support.”

“That’s...” they shake their head. “That’s really sweet, Curie. Thank you.”

“Oh, do not mention it. It is merely a gesture of our friendship. You saved me from my loneliness, and I wish to return the favor.”

“Still, it’s kind. I appreciate it.”

“You are more than welcome, Madame/Monsieur. Anytime.”

Danse: He finds them out on the deck, wind whipping past them as they stare over the Commonwealth. They’ve been distant for days now, giving nothing but short answers, eyes far away when they talk. If he’s honest, he’s worried about them. It’s why he’s ditched the power armor in his bay for the moment; right now he wants to be a person, not a Paladin.

“Evening, Danse.”

They don’t turn to him when he approaches, and he doesn’t know how they can recognize his footsteps outside power armor, but he doesn’t question it. He just leans against the railing beside them.

“Something has been troubling you,” he says.

They sigh, and he can almost see them deflate against the railing. “You know, Danse, I thought that it would be easier than this.”

“What?”

“The holidays. I thought, you know, even though my family wasn’t here, maybe the Brotherhood would help fill that- that emptiness, if even just a little. But I guess it just doesn’t look like that.”

Their words hit too close to home, and he deflates a little, too. “I’m afraid you’re a year too late. With the war, there will be no holidays onboard the Prydwen.”

“Did there used to be?”

He nods, not trusting his words. He can’t tell them that, even though he understands why it’s necessary, it still hurts. They’re still new, still building their trust. He can’t sabotage that.

His silence means nothing, though, as sole seems to read his mind. “You must miss that. In a way, you don’t have a family for the holidays, either.”

Gently, they lean their shoulder to his, and he allows himself to lean back against them, just this once.

“At least we have each other,” they whisper.

He nods. “At least there’s that.”

Deacon: He doesn’t want to say it in such direct terms, but the truth is that sole’s house is a little... sad.

To be fair, they’ve only been in the Commonwealth a few months, and a lot of that was spent trying to figure out what the hell had happened to them and the world, but still. Sole’s place feels entirely like a house, and nothing like a home.

“You know, boss, you should just spend the holidays with us.”

They look up from their coffee mug from their place at their sad table with its sad, lone chair. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, just come live at HQ a while. It’s gotta be better than spending the holidays alone out here.” Slowly, he turns in a circle, as if to emphasize how empty (and sad) the walls are.

“But my memories are here, Deeks.” They blow on their coffee. “This is where I should’ve spent the holiday.”

“Yeah, with your family, if the world hadn’t gone to shit and blown up. But it did, so you should just come celebrate with us. Trust me, you’ll be a lot happier.”

He doesn’t mention the number of holidays he spent in an empty farmhouse for the sake of memory, and thankfully sole doesn’t ask.

“Deacon, are you actually... worried about me?”

“Oh, you bet, boss. I mean, look at this place. It doesn’t even have electricity. You couldn’t have holiday lights if you wanted them.”

“Do you guys do holiday lights?”

He shrugs. “Do you want to?”

For a brief moment, there’s a spark of life in their eyes. “Would it be okay?”

“Who’s gonna complain? Carrington? Just tell him that he doesn’t have to look at them.”

They hum and say, “I guess I’ll consider it.”

That’s his cue to hit him with the ace up his sleeve. “We do a game of Secret Santa, too.”

They try to hide their smile, but they’re bad at it, and Deacon breathes a sigh of relief, knowing they’re sold.

Gage: “Fuck do you mean, you miss them?”

“I mean I was fucking married and had a kid, you eyeless prick. I actually cared about my family, and it sucks that they’re not here. I’m sorry that you cut ties with your family completely, but not all of us can or want to.”

He huffs, because he can tell he’s pushing a little too hard, and if he keeps going he’ll end up wishing he’d kept his mouth shut.

“Well, Overboss, trust me when I say you won’t even remember them. We got a bit of a tradition here, ourselves.”

They eye him warily. “Do tell.”

He shrugs. “Not much to say. It’s a party, we get drunk, fuck around, light some shit on fire. It’s a good time. Can’t lay around feelin’ sorry for yourself when you’re lightin’ something on fire.”

“So, Yule. You’ve reinvented Yule.”

“Call it what you want. As long as you have a good time, who cares, right?”

Their face is still doubtful.

“At least give it a shot, boss. You’re gonna have to be there anyway to keep up appearances. Might as well try to have a good time while you’re at it.”

“Alright.” They sigh in resignation. “But if I end up drunk and crying in a corner, it’s your fault.”

“I promise to hide you before you can embarrass yourself.”

“I guess that’s all I can ask for.”

Hancock: “Hey, sister/brother, what do you think of these?”

He holds up a couple strands of garland and tosses them over to a waiting sole, still perched on a ladder.

“Shockingly good condition,” they say. “But I think this stuff usually goes on the tree.”

He waves a hand. “You put it wherever you want. I’m just helpin’.”

“Well, do you have a tree?”

“Somewhere around here.” He glances around, but realizing it’s not within direct line-of-sight, shouts, “Fahrenheit!”

“What?” Her voice is muffled by the distance, but her irritation is not.

“Where’s my tree?”

“Wherever you put it last year. I don’t keep track.”

“Damn,” he huffs. “ I thought for sure that’d work.”

He heads into the other room to rifle around for his tree. There’s a beat of silence before sole says, “You know, I never have properly thanked you.”

“For what?” He glares down at the wreath in his hands, which had tricked him into thinking it was a tree, before shrugging and tossing it to the side to get hung up anyway.

“For giving me stuff to do like this. Staying busy really helps me feel less... alone, you know?”

He rocks back on his heels, peering into the other room to make eye contact with them. “Sure thing, sunshine. But I’ll warn you, it wasn’t all my idea.”

They laugh a little. “I figure Daisy had a hand in things, but still. It’s nice of you.”

“I appreciate you assumin’ that I’m not just using you for free labor.”

They laugh again, for real this time, and he can’t help but smile.”

MacCready: He wants to say something. He wants to tell them that it’ll be alright, that he’s been there and it hurts, but you make it out in the end. He wants to be able to comfort them somehow as he watches them duck their head and pretend to not see the decorations in Diamond City, but he’ll be damned if he knows how.

Fortunately, sole has the words where he does not.

“This sucks,” they declare, holed up in the corner of the Bobrov’s bar.

“I’ll drink to that.”

They clink their beers together, sip, and lapse into silence before sole says, “I really miss my family, Mac.”

He closes his eyes, pictures his boy back in D.C., and agrees. “It’s a tough time of year to be without them.”

They reach across the table and grab his hand. “Next year, we’ll go down to D.C. We’ll have found the cure by then. We’ll go see Duncan.”

“Would you really want to go?” His heart is thrilled to hear their words, but his head tells him that might only hurt them more.

“Of course. I want to see you go home and see your kid. I wish we could’ve done it this year, but...”

“That didn’t work out,” he finishes.

They nod.

“You know,” he says, taking another sip of beer, “next year we’ll have a big family celebration to compensate.”

“What, you and Duncan?”

“No, all three of us. We’ll go the whole nine yards. Lights, presents, everything. The real deal, all three of us. Family.”

That brings a smile to their face, and he smiles to see it. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but for a moment he can see the whole thing before him. The three of them together, laughing, making a family out of nothing.

Just make it through this year, he promises sole silently, and I’ll make sure you have a family holiday again.

Nick: He eyes sole in the corner of the agency, where they’re talking to Ellie about some case they’re working. They’ve been talking about leaving these past few days, about heading up to Sanctuary for the holidays. It doesn’t sit right with him. He knows sole, and he knows that only bad things await them at their old home this year.

“Well, I’m headed out.” They breeze by his desk to grab their hat. “Have a nice holiday, you two.

He looks them dead in the eyes and asks, “Why?”

They freeze right where they are. “Why what?”

“Why are you leaving? Got somethin’ real exciting up north?”

Their expression tells him they don’t have a good answer, and he sighs.

“Look, kid, I get it. You think you wanna be alone to mourn and cope with your loss. But I’m tellin’ ya, you’re not coping. You’re just making yourself miserable.”

Under their breath, they mutter, “Damn detectives. Always analyzing you,” before turning to him directly. “Well, you and Ellie already have your thing going on. I’d hate to intrude...”

“You’re not intruding,” Ellie pipes up. “In fact, I already bought you a present. In a way, it would almost be ruder to leave.”

“I bought one, too,” he says. “How about that?”

They hesitate. “Are you sure?”

“Bed upstairs is all yours. Stay a while. It’s not like ya can’t change your mind and leave later.”

They turn to Ellie, but she’s just nodding along. “I freshened up the sheets just the other day, actually.”

“Well... alright.”

He lets himself smile.

Piper: “Damn, Blue. This place looks worse than the Glowing Sea.”

Her eyes scan Sanctuary Hills. Even Preston has headed off to the Castle for the month, so the place looks well and truly abandoned. The breeze kicks up as if on cue, scattering a few leaves across the road.

“Isn’t it great?” They kick a pebble across the street, bitter expression on their face. “No family for the holidays, and nobody else, either.”

“You can’t stay here,” she says, staring at the bleak, run-down houses.

They shrug. “I don’t really have anywhere else to go. I could stay at one of the other settlements, but that just feels weird. My home is here.”

Piper shakes her head. “No way, Blue. I won’t allow it. You are not spending the holidays here and that is final, you hear me? Final.”

They glance over at her with a bemused expression. “Then where am I going?”

“Home, with me, to Diamond City. You’ll spend the holidays with Nat and I, not here in, well, this. I mean, at least Diamond City decorates.”

They laugh a little. “Piper there is no room for me in your house.”

“We will make room. This isn’t up for debate, Blue. And don’t start with the ‘Oh, I’ll be intruding’ stuff, either. Nat’s gonna be thrilled to see you, and I’ll be thrilled you aren’t moping around this place that could probably make Takahashi depressed.”

“What, the noodle bot?”

“The very same. Now, go make yourself a sleeping bag, get whatever else you need, and let’s go.”

They salute her mockingly, “Yes, ma’am. Right away, ma’am.”

Better to be mocked than leave sole here.

Preston: He knows without sole saying a word. He knows that pain, the haunted look that trails them, the way they linger just a moment too long in the doorway of their home before sighing. He can’t help but feel for them, too, because he still feels like he’s in those shoes, lonely around the one time of year no one should be lonely.

Maybe that’s why he does what he does. He tells himself he’s crazy, even as he treks across the Commonwealth, searching out their companions, inviting them to Sanctuary so sole can be surrounded by this new, found family they’ve made. He can’t let sole suffer alone, not this time, not ever. He knows what that loneliness does to a person, and he refuses to ask sole to face it on top of everything else.

He reminds X6 that, if he doesn’t play nice, he probably won’t live to regret it.

He meets Gage at neutral territory and, even though it disgusts him beyond belief, they make a temporary armistice for the next few months.

He tells Danse that if he makes so much as one comment about ghouls, synths, or anyone else, he won’t be able to get all the sand out of his power armor for months.

It’s not the most glamorous job in the Commonwealth, but he is bound and determined to make this thing work, no matter the cost or consequence.

X6: “I don’t think I understand. Your family is here.”

They sigh. “But they’re not, X6. Sure, I found Shaun, but he’s hardly the child I thought I was looking for, and my spouse is still dead. My own son doesn’t even know me, much less would want to spend the holidays with me. I may have found Shaun, but...” They sigh. “Did I find my son?”

He takes a moment to contemplate their words. “You’re quite distressed about this.”

“I guess?” They shake their head. “I’m just lonely, X6. That’s all. I miss my family and having someone to spend the holidays with. It just doesn’t feel the same.”

He looks at them, takes in their tired, beaten expression and their slumped posture. Quietly, he evaluates a series of options and outcomes before leaning in and whispering, “Do you want to know a secret?”

“What?”

“A secret. Do you want to know a secret?”

They slide toward him, dropping their voice to a whisper, too. “Yes.”

“Us coursers aren’t supposed to have holidays. We are not supposed to have a sense of family. You know this.”

“Of course.”

“Perhaps you would like to join us, who also have no family, for a small celebration, then. It isn’t much, but there are snack cakes.”

They look at him, almost impressed. “X6, you know that’s not allowed. Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I trust you, and I think you need us as much as we need each other. I only ask that you don’t report it, if for no other reason than our bond as friends.”

“I- X6, I’m not going to tell anyone. I’d love to go.”

He nods. “It’s settled then. December twenty-second, one in the morning, the abandoned areas behind biosciences. Bring snack cakes, and bring lots if you want to make friends.”

[moonstruckwytch]

So I was inspired by @birkholtzlovebot posting her first fic the other night and I accidentally wrote 4k of nurseydex their senior year after the first loss with Dex as captain. No one has read it but me and it’s mostly unedited but I enjoyed writing it and figured the hivemind would like to read it... so.... 

Full fic under the cut because like I said it’s 4k and no one needs all of that on their dash

Dex’s weekend is not off to a great start.

 Samwell’s first loss with him as captain happens on Friday night in Boston. It’s not even a close game. Sure, they shut out BU’s team in the first period, but then one of their guys took out Tango and that knocked Whiskey off his game, and the next thing Dex knew he was walking back to the locker room and they’d lost 4 – 0.

He’s worried about Chowder. Hopes that he knows it wasn’t his fault. Needs him to know that. Dex knows it’s his fault. He’s the captain and he’s responsible for the team. He should have kept it together and kept BU away from C entirely. Walking back to the bus back to their hotel he can practically hear Jack’s voice in his head telling him that’s not true, but the nasty comments coming from his own internal voice are louder.

He really should rally the team, give some kind of pep talk, but he can’t bring himself to. So instead he sits silently on the bus, headphones in but not playing anything, until Nursey appears next to him. Ford walks past, gives him a sad smile, and when she and Nursey nod at each other Dex thinks it’s going to be a long evening.

Nursey, blessedly, leaves him alone on the 15 minute ride to the Marriott, or Hilton or whatever chain they’re staying at, and Dex pulls himself together long enough to hand out keys with Hall and Murray, who really don’t seem any more disappointed in him than usual. Eventually he’s alone in the lobby, holding the key to his own room, and Nursey’s gone ahead with Chowder, even though they’re staying in the same room, so Dex turns to his coaches.

“I’m sorry –“ he’s got more, but Hall cuts him off.

“Dex, you all played a good game. There’s nothing for you to apologize for. Not to us, or to the boys.” Murray nods in agreement, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Go take a shower and get some sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.” Murray’s tone brokers no argument, and his eyes are sympathetic, so Dex nods to the two of them before heading to the elevators alone, still feeling the weight of the loss on his shoulders.

When he gets to the room and lets himself in, his first step is to drop his overnight bag at the foot of the bed closer to the window. Technically it’s the bed Nursey prefers, and usually Dex lets him have it, but he wants to be as far from the door as possible tonight. If Nursey were here it might be an argument, or he might just let it lie, a concession to the fact that Dex just lost his first game in charge of the team. He texts Nurse and C to let them know that he’s in the room and gonna take a shower, so Nursey either needs to come back now or in 40 minutes.

About 30 seconds elapse before there’s a knock on the adjoining room door he didn’t notice was there. When he swings it open, he’s face to face with Derek M. Nurse, and if that would usually be enough to set his heart racing, it’s not doing much tonight.

See, on top of the responsibilities of being captain, the stress of senior year as a comp-sci major, and the sheer terror of figuring out what comes after graduation, Dex has a less-than-small crush on Nursey. He’d come to this realization sometime over the last summer (just after Nursey waved goodbye at the South Station Amtrak stop when Dex dropped him off in May if he’s being honest with himself) and has been managing it ever since. Their friendship has gotten better – he feels comfortable calling them best friends now even – but he’s pretty sure the revelation of his feelings would send everything crashing right back down to where they started.

So, while Dex has a massive crush on his d-man partner, and usually being just inches from his face would turn him into a blushing, stammering mess, nothing is getting through the fog of the game just yet. He leaves the door open, ad goes to take his shower, leaving Nursey standing where he is.

He steps into the shower and turns the temperature as hot as he can get it to go, and if he cries a little under the water, no one else needs to know about it. And 40 minutes later, he feels cleaner. Not any better, but at least he doesn’t smell like game sweat and his gear anymore. Throwing on an old t-shirt and a pair of Samwell sweats, he remerges into the room and finds Nursey and Chowder on the bed closer to the door, both with wet hair and wearing similar t-shirt and sweat combos. Chowder has his Sharks hoodie on.

Nursey looks up at him, smirking.

“Finally,” he says “me and C both managed to shower in his room with how long you were taking. I thought we might have to save you from drowning.”

When Dex doesn’t respond to the chirp, doesn’t even tell him to ‘fuck off, Nurse’ his face goes softer. And maybe Dex wants Nursey to look at him like that sometimes, but right now it just makes him feel fragile.

“Hey, are you okay? You know how that went down wasn’t your fault.” Nursey is speaking softly, like he’s trying not to spook Dex, and that, that just makes Dex mad. But when he turns, rounds on Nursey with something sharp on his tongue, he finds the concerned faces of his two best friends in the whole world looking at him and he just, breaks down.

Dex sits down heavily on his bed for the night, trying to take steadying breaths that he can hear come out shaky and ragged, too loud in the now very quiet room.

Immediately Chowder is at his side, pulling him in tight for a hug, leaving no room for Dex to even move his arms to hug back.

“Dex! Dex it’s okay. It’s not the first time we’ve lost, and it won’t be the last. We can’t win every game. I’m sorry I didn’t block more of their shots.” He sounds frustrated with himself at that last part.

Chowder’s earnestness is endearing, and it would be easier to let it lie, but the loss isn’t his fault, and Dex can’t let him think it is.

“’S not your fault C. I lost control of the situation. I should have been more on top of it, done my job as captain.”

And at that, Nursey comes over to his other side. He seems less than sure of how to fit himself into this equation, eventually settling for resting an awkward hand on Dex’s shoulder. Fleetingly Dex worries that Nursey isn’t comfortable with his breakdown, and for a moment that comingles with a wish that Nursey would hug him the way Chowder is, which is just even more pain on top of an already bad night, so Dex shoves that to the side and figures he’ll deal with that later. When he tunes back into the situation around him again, Nursey is talking.

“Dex…” Nursey’s tone is soft again. “you’re not responsible for how the whole team plays. If BU hadn’t taken out Tango Whiskey still might have had an off day. It’s not your fault.”

And then Dex remembers Tango, slammed into the boards by a dude half a foot taller than him. He’d been helped off the ice and not allowed back into the rink for the rest of the game.

“Oh god, Tango. I didn’t even ask if he’s okay.” Dex groans, feeling worse by the second.

“It’s okay. I checked on him already. He’ll be fine, no concussion or anything.” Nursey soothes.

Dex swipes at his face, not wanting to let the tears pricking at his eyes fall. He knows neither of his friends will judge him if he cries, but old habits die hard and he’s never been one for public emotions other than anger. Call him repressed if you will, he’ll admit it. He presses the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, hoping that will help. He doesn’t know how long they sit like that.

Chowder and Nursey seem to be having some sort of silent conversation above his head, and the next thing he knows Chowder is pressing a soft kiss to his hair and unwinding his arms from around Dex’s shoulders.

“I’m gonna go call Cait,” he says. “You should get some sleep, Dex.” He gives a pointed look to Nursey and leaves their room, the adjoining door shutting with a click.

Without C’s arms around him, Dex feels suddenly cold, and the room seems even more silent, his sniffling attempts to not cry that much louder. Nursey moves away from him and his heart sinks, fearing more proof that Nursey was only comforting him because Chowder was there, but he’s back in a moment. Dex hears the TV turn on and listens as Nursey flips through channels until landing on some late-night program on the history of space travel, turning the volume down low. They sit in silence for a while, listening to a monotone man drone about shuttle specs and astronaut fatality rates.

“Hey. Let’s get you into bed.” Nursey says suddenly, pulling the covers down on Dex’s bed and putting a hand on his back until he shifts so he’s sitting in the middle. Dex thinks this is going to be the end of the interaction, but then he sees Nursey grabbing the pillows off his own bed, and the blanket he always brings with him on the bus.

“Move over Poindexter,” he says, continuing with “you’re not crying yourself to sleep alone tonight. Move.” And climbing into the bed next to Dex.

“Ah, fuck.” He says immediately after he’s settled, climbing back off the bed and padding to the door to turn off the lights. Now the room is illuminated only by the glow of the TV, and when Nursey climbs back into the bed, he slips and arm around Dex’s shoulder and settles them both against the mountain of pillows he’s created behind them.

Dex goes willingly, decidedly not thinking about how he’s got his arms wrapped around Nursey’s torso, his head on Nursey’s chest, their legs tangled together. He’s not thinking about the fact that Nursey is slowly rubbing circles into his side with one hand and carding his fingers through Dex’s hair with the other. He’s not thinking about any of this, because he’s too busy crying into Nursey’s t-shirt.

Incrementally he settles down, slowly, rough sobs fading into sniffles, into low hiccups which eventually also die out. And then its just the sounds of their breathing mingling with the history channel, and Dex still doesn’t feel better necessarily, but he does feel a little calmer.

Nursey’s voice is still soft when he asks the question, almost like he’s scared of what Dex’s answer might be. “Do you want me to stay here tonight, or get back in my own bed?” Dex just wraps his arms tighter around Nursey in response, not trusting his mouth and his brain to work together well enough to avoid telling Nursey how he feels here and now.

He falls asleep like that, Nursey’s warm arms still around him.

---------------------------------------------

When Dex wakes up the next morning, much more sun is coming through the windows than there should be. He groans and reaches for his phone before registering the fact that his pillow is Nursey’s chest, and Nursey’s arms are solidly wrapped around him, holding him where he is. The next realization is that Nursey is also awake and watching him. That fact will have to be tucked away for examination later.

“Nursey… what time is it?”

“Good morning to you too Dexy. It’s about 9:30 right now. I figured you could use the sleep.”

Dex groans. “We missed the bus. I lost my first game as captain and we missed the bus. Hall and Murray should just replace me now.”

Nursey’s arms tighten around him for just a split second. “I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you.”

“What… what does that mean?”

Before Nursey can answer the (very good, very reasonable) question, a knock from the adjoining door, and Chowder’s voice.

“Nursey? Are you guys up? We’re coming in!”

“We? Who is we?” Dex asks, but he doesn’t have to wait long before he finds out. Chowder pops his head into the room and is immediately followed by Lardo.

“Dude” she greets him “rough night.” She nods to Nursey, a knowing look in her eye, and only then does Dex realize that he is still in bed with Nursey holding him. He extricates himself as gracefully as possibly, pointedly ignoring the pout Nursey gives him, and goes to hug the former manager.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“C texted me. Told me that you’d lost, and it was your first. I called Hall and Murray and convinced them to let me keep you three for the day, with the promise that I’d have you back on campus by 5 tonight.”

“I still… what?”

Lardo looks at her phone. “I’d love to give you a deep explanation, but we’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up, so get dressed. Come on C.”

As she heads to the door, she looks back. “We’re getting brunch. It’s not Jerry’s but it’s almost as good. You have 15 minutes.”

With that, Lardo and Chowder head out to wait in the Lobby, and Nursey and Dex prepare to face the day.

Face washed, teeth brushed, and wearing everything except something warm, Dex regards his captain’s hoodie with suspicion. He’s still not sure he deserves to wear it this morning, and he could just ask to trade Nursey for the day. But while he’s considering, Nursey takes it from his hands and sticks it over his head, looking almost unbearably fond when Dex’s face reappears through the collar. Yet another thing to think about later. Once Dex has his arms situated, Nursey pats him on the chest right above the C and grabs their bags.

When they meet Lardo and Chowder in the lobby, they’re herded out to a familiar looking jeep, which Dex is pretty sure belongs to Holster. Something about Lardo being in charge for the day feels calming, and he feels a little more settled in his own skin, though he’s still concerned about how the rest of the team is handling the loss.

A five-minute drive and a little bit of Nursey’s infuriatingly upbeat music (who on earth handed him the aux?) later, they’re parked outside what looks like the Boston version of Jerry’s. This is to say that it looks like it’s seen better days, might have margaritas on the menu, and definitely does the sombrero thing on birthday’s despite the fact that it’s not primarily a Mexican restaurant. Dex see’s a couple familiar faces waiting for them.

“Brahs!” Shitty is emphatic as ever, pulling each of them into a tight hug that somehow smells residually of weed, despite the fact that Dex has been around him long enough to know that he’s totally sober at the moment. For one, he’s fully dressed, though that might be a condition of the fact that they’re going to a restaurant. Holster and Ransom offer him fist bumps and matching commiserating smiles, and he wants to ask how they dealt with their first loss, but he’s being herded, along with the rest of them, into the place by Lardo.

They end up at a round table booth. Dex is squished between Ransom and Nursey, Holster to Ransom’s other side, and Chowder, Lardo and Shitty on the other side of Nursey. It would feel claustrophobic with anyone else, but this is his team, his group. The only people missing are Jack and Bitty. He says so and Shitty laughs.

“Not by their own choice you know. Bitty threatened to cancel the photoshoot for the book he’s working on, and very nearly convinced Jack to take off from practice to be here.”

Dex looks at him aghast.

“We told him not to under any circumstances” Lardo pipes up from behind her menu. “But don’t be surprised if you get a phone call from both of them this evening. They’re worried – and Jack wants to talk to you.”

Dex isn’t entirely sure he’s prepared for that phone call, but it will be nice to hear from both of them. He then decides it’s now or never and turns to Ransom and Holster.

“What did you guys do when you lost your first game as captains?” he asks, because honestly, he isn’t quite sure he remembers.

“Called Jack to freak out.” Ransom says casually. “Dude was captain for 3 years, plus the Q, and the stuff with the Falcs. He knows a thing or two about losing.” Holster looks a little less pleased, but Dex knows that his rivalry with Jack is mostly superficial.

“Once we talked to Jack, we sorta just, watched sitcoms” Ransom continues. “Put together a list of the best episodes of Holster’s favorites and stayed in the attic for the day.”

Dex nods. That, makes a certain amount of sense actually. Holster jumps in.

“You probably remember Bitty sort of corralling you all that day, and stress baking. He dealt with you guys so we wouldn’t have to.”

Dex thinks about that, and hopes that Ford, Tango and Whiskey are managing the rest of the team. Especially because Nursey and Chowder are here with him. Almost as though reading his brain, Nursey speaks up.

“Just got a text from Ford. Everyone is fine. Whiskey is making muffins with Tango, and Tricky and Marsh want to know if you’re okay. Hops and Bully say hi.”

“The team will get it. First loss as captain feels like a bigger deal than it is. You feel responsible. But it’s really not your fault.” Holster says.

Chowder pipes up. “Remember how Bitty packed off to Providence the day after he lost that first game?”

Nursey presses his knee against Dex’s. “The point is, we’ve got your back, Dex.”

The rest of brunch passes in a blur. There’s eggs and hash browns, and a cinnamon roll that Dex is pretty sure is bigger than his head. Shitty orders something sweet that probably has too much alcohol in it for a Saturday morning, and they laugh, and joke and it feels like home for a while. A couple hours later the checks have been dealt with, and they’re getting ready to go their separate ways. Dex feels lighter than he has in the past 12 hours, and that’s in no small part due to the fact that he’s just missed these people. It might also have something to do with the easy way Nursey threw his arm around Dex’s shoulders in the diner, or how their knees stayed pressed together under the table.

On the 30-minute ride back to Samwell, Chowder and Lardo chat up front while Nursey sits with Dex in the back. Dex is quiet, happy to just listen to his friends and bask in the moment, but he is acutely aware of the way Nursey has inched his hand closer to Dex’s own until he’s grabbed it completely. Dex hopes he isn’t bright red at this, but doesn’t say anything – too busy running the morning through his memory, thinking and overthinking waking up in Nursey’s arms, and the fact that Nursey was just watching him.

Lardo drops them at the Haus, and after they’ve hugged her goodbye, the three of them head inside. The kitchen has cleared out except for Ford, who just nods to them, and looks pointedly at Nursey. Nursey shakes his head in response, and Dex isn’t going to press what that means at the moment. Instead he grabs Nursey’s wrist and pulls him down to the basement bungalow, and if Nursey seems surprised by this, he doesn’t say it.

“Do you mind staying? Do you have time?” Dex asks, realizing that he didn’t ask before taking up Nursey’s time.

“For you I’ve always got time, Dexy.” Nursey replies, smirking, but there’s something warm behind his eyes that Dex hasn’t noticed before. He glances to the bed, and produces his laptop from his bag.

“Movie?”

“Sure.” Nursey shrugs, and climbs up onto Dex’s bed, settling like he belongs there, and oh fuck Dex should not let his brain go down that road. Nursey looks over to see Dex staring, and pats the bed.

“You gonna join me here or stand there and stare?” and then Nursey fucking winks.

“Are you hitting on me?” Dex asks, before he can stop himself. Fuck fuck fuck fuck no don’t ask that, his brain practically screams at him.

“Nice of you to finally catch on.” Nursey laughs, and his eyes light up. “Now are you gonna join me or not?”

“Finally catching on? What?” Dex is frozen in place, not sure how to process the sudden left tilt his world seems to have taken on.

“Oh, I don’t know Dex. I’ve only just slept with you last night, spent all of brunch trying to make you laugh, and held your hand the whole way back from Boston. And that’s just the past 24 hours.”

Dex tries to cast his mind back over the past month or so, trying to see if there’s a pattern he’s missed in Nursey’s behavior. Has he been so caught up in making sure Nursey never found out about his feelings he completely missed them being reciprocated? There was the time Nursey brought him coffee in the comp-sci lab, for a full week when he was pulling all nighters trying to get ahead early in the semester. The time Nursey stole his hoodie and wouldn’t give it back. The time, times, Nursey has made sure he actually eats when he gets lost in a code, so focused that if Nursey puts something in his hand and tells him to eat it, he will. He’s lucky Nursey hasn’t taken advantage of that to comedic effect. There’s more he’s sure but that seems to be enough proof to him, and he’s been standing here staring at Nursey with an open mouth for too long already. Dex scrambles for something eloquent to say to respond, but what comes out instead is.

“Can I kiss you?”

Now it’s Nursey’s turn to freeze. It’s a much shorter moment than the one Dex had, and he covers admirably well, smirking and replying with “I thought you’d never ask.” Before patting next to him on the bed again.

Dex doesn’t waste any time with that, climbing up next to Nursey and getting in his space. Once they’re face to face however, he’s not really sure what to do. It’s Nursey who leans in first, tilting his head to meet the angle Dex is at, grabbing one of Dex’s hands with his own, the other coming up to gently cup Dex’s jaw. Once their lips touch Dex feels a little like he can breathe again, and it’s slow, and soft, and overall, just, nice. It’s not Dex’s first kiss, not even his first kiss with a boy, but it’s certainly the one that’s felt the best so far. When they eventually break apart, he’s pretty much ready to keep doing just that for the next month.

“So. Movie?” Nursey asks, smirking at the blush Dex can feel spreading across his face, heating up his ears and flushing down his neck. Dex takes a breath and decides to be brave, however.

“I think I’d like to just do that again if you don’t mind.” He says, and Nursey blushes this time, nodding and already leaning in.

Dex’s weekend did not start out great. But it’s certainly getting better.

[entering--hyperspace]

Game questions or smthn

Tagged by @mimabeann

Rules: Fill in your answers below and tag some buddies!

Games

First game you ever played: Okay not counting my educational games on the V-Smile.. Pokemon red! the original! 

Favorite game:hhhhhhhh Fallout New Vegas really solidified my dream of becoming a game dev. God I love that game SO MUCH. Also Journey...and Destiny. but FNV is the #1

Game you’ve played through multiple times: I replay a lot of games (mostly my favorites) multiple times so there's too many to list. However, I do play Fallout: New Vegas every year because its my favorite video game of all time and I CANNOT shut up abt it. I also really enjoy playing Pokémon soul silver. I’m currently in the process of replaying the entire DA trilogy, and Pokémon white.

Game you hated at first but now love: Apex! God I did not enjoy apex when I first started playing it bc yknow battle royals were new and do have a bit of a learning curve to ‘em. I fucking love Apex now though

Game you used to love but now hate: I may joke abt hating games but I rlly don't have any I used to love but hate now. wait I lied. I remember really liking DA2 but now I'm dragging my feet along replaying it. I don't HATE it, but its certainly not one of my favorites.

Your favorite game atmosphere/setting(s): Journey. hands down. That game captures it’s atmosphere absolutely perfectly. I do want to give special shoutout to these games for this question ;Never Alone, Abzu, what remains of edith finch, Oxenfree

Game with the best group/companion(s): Dragon age: Origins had the best cast of companions hands down. They all had incredibly interesting motives and created such interesting group dynamics. DAO remaster when

A game with your favorite ending: Subnautica. GOD. SUBNAUTICA. CHEFS FUCKING KISS. I haven’t gotten emotional over a new game in a fucking WHILE. 

A game with the WORST ending: HMMMM. Hm. hmmm. Fallout 4 hands down lmao. I won’t get INTO it but man I did not like that game’s story. 

Best character customization?: The newest monster hunter game. I dont even own it but I’ve watched its cc. puts my hand against the glass wall.

Hero and Companions

Your favorite playable character: HMMM protagonists. oh protagonists. I’m gonna go with Arthur Morgan from RDR2 on this one. ALSO. Clem (TWD2/4) Javier (TWD3) Lee (TWD) The Inquisitor (DAI) Delsin (Infamous: SS) Shepard (ME tril) The Commander (GW2) The courier (FNV)

Your favorite companion(s): CRACKS KNUCKLES. Dorian Pavus, love of my life, (DAI) Theron Shan, Lana beniko, Tau Idair, Blizz, Mako (SWTOR), Alistair, Wynne, Zevran, Leliana, Shale, Sten (DAO) Anders, Sigrun (DA:A) Cole, Varric (DAI) Varric (DA2) Wrex, Liara, Tali, Grunt, Garrus, (ME tril) Vetra, Jaal, Liam, Drak (ME:A) Veronica, Arcade, Rex, Lily, (F:NV) Mccready, Preston, Cait, Piper(F:4)

Relationships

Favorite game friendship(s) (im excluding pc/char just to make it shorter): Alistair/Wynne. yknow what? Wynne and anyone, she adopted the whole group. Charles/Arthur (RDR2) Freya and Kratos (rip) (GOW) Mirage/wraith(Apex)  Theron/lana, Tau/Braga, (SWTOR) Varric/Merril, Isabela/Merril (DA2) Varric/Cassandra, Cole/Varric, Leliana/Josie, Bull/krem (DAI)

 Favorite game relationship(s): The inquisitor/Dorian bc im very very gay. anyway.... Achilles/Patroclus, Zagreus/Thanatos, Orpheus/Eurydice (Hades) Theron Shan/pc Lana beniko/pc, UHHH I cant think of more rn

Favorite companion banter: Wynne/Alistair, Sten/Shale, Leliana/Wynne, Alistair/Zevran (DA:O) Varric and anyone (DA2) Cassandra/Varric, Varric/Cole, Dorian/Sera, Bull/Solas, Dorian/Varric (DAI) When I think abt companion banter I think out in the world walking/talking so not a lot comes to mind.

A relationship you weren’t sure of but loved: 

A character you wish you COULD romance: RATTLES MY HANDS AGAINST THE BARS. Varric. Do you think a Straight Man would walk around with his tiddes out in the open like that? NO. if he was romanceble in da2 it would’ve made the game significantly better. ALSO GARRUS FOR M!SHEP??? HELLO???? ALISTAIR FOR M!WARDEN...ALSO HELLO? I’ll stop now but a lot of these is just God I Wish MLM Got More Options In Video Games

Fun

Shoutout to a random NPC: BLIZZ I FUCKING LOVE U. 

A game you love watching playthroughs for and want to play: I dont like watching playthroughs unless (next question)

Love watching playthroughs but won’t ever play: I legit only watch a Single lets players and he does horror vr. its increadibly funny and the only way I can play/watch any type of horror shit

Why do you play video games?: For a lot of reasons! I play them to have fun, I play them to be competitive, I play them to relax, I play them to challenge myself. I play them to learn a story. As someone who is majoring in game design and has made games before, Video games are like a stained glass window. They provide unique glimpses into various worlds, they allow us to live our wildest dreams, and give us the platform to spread awareness of social issues to the masses. They Allow us to have fun and connect with other people.  I play video games because I love them.

Tagging: @sentinelapologist @kornyo @remnantofahero @axperjan

[give-jack-a-lightsaber]

Inner Kid (2) (Team Flash x Reader)

Finally! Here’s the part two! I hope I don’t disappoint you guys with the closure of the story, I tried my best 💜 it’s a bit shorter than the first part (btw it’s right here :Inner Kid (1) ) --------- Back in S.T.A.R. Labs, carrying a wide awake Y/N on Ralph's shoulders, the boys went straight to Cisco's lab to announce the new discovery on the little girl. "Guys, Y/N still have her powers" announced Barry to the scientists "and your suit works Cisco, she totally disappeared in front of us".

“Cool, a hiperactive kid with invisibility powers, what could go wrong?” said Cisco with a sarcastic smile.

“Good thing that we are actually close to the serum that will reverse her condition” Harry exclaimed while writting some results of the test on the board.

"Hey, you know what's weird? That the suit shrunk with her" commented Ralph. "Of course, the ONLY weird thing about this whole situation is the suit shrinking Ralph, not strange at all that your adult friend got transformed into a child!" yelled Cisco with a exasperated face. "I think it's a pretty extraordinary detail, Ramon" shrugged Harry earning a glare from the long haired scientist.

Meanwhile the grownups where bickering little Y/N and Mango left the room wandering through the hallways of the enormous S.T.A.R. Labs to find something more fun to do. That's how they ended up in the very colorful but very dangerous time vault. Just as she was going to enter to a badly timed open cell a pair of hand grabed her and hoisted her up onto some strong and broad shoulders.

“What are you doing here by yourself missy?” asked Oliver.

“Ollie! Me and Mango are bored!” she said with a pout, “and Barry and Cisco and Ralphy and the grumpy man were talking weird stuff, I don't understand it”.

“Okay but you can't walk away alone, it's a very dangerous building and you could get hurt” he explain while walking back to the Cortex where they found a distressed looking Cisco and Ralph.

“Oh thank god!” yell Ralph when he noticed the girl and her stuffed friend being lowered down by Oliver, runing towards them to pick her up in a bone crushing hug. “You scare the heck out of me princess” sighed out.

“Where was she?” asked a 10 times more relaxed Cisco.

“Entering one of your meta cell. You guys need to be more responsible, she could have gotten hurt Cisco. This place is a huge lab with experiments lying around in every room. Leaving her out of your sight for 3 seconds is out of commission” scolded Oliver.

“I know! But Barry had to run to stop a robbery and Caitlin left with Harry to buy some things for Y/N because the serum it'll be ready in a day or two and I just forgot about her!!” Cisco yell frustrated turning to watch her talk with Ralph who didn't want to let her go. “I turned her like this and I can't even take care of her, I'm the worst friend”.

“You're not a bad friend Cisco, this a very... peculiar situation, nobody is prepared to go through this and I'm sure you're doing everything on your power to help her” sighed Oliver putting a hand on Cisco's shoulder, “ we're all trying”.

----------------

It was Ralph's turn to watch Y/N, who was actually sleeping on the medbay, but he was okay with it. The little kid bring to the room a bit of good energy that the team needed. It had pass a day and a half since the incident and the group was more at ease with the toddler but Ralph had managed to build a really good friendship with her, like the one they shared on the daily basis before the transformation.

“Hey, it's finished” whispered Caitlin entering the room with the vial of the serum and the rest of the team. “Can you wake her up? I have to put an IV to pass the serum and I don't want to scare her with the sting of the needle”.

“Yeah sure” said Ralph moving out of the bed to shake Y/N gently “hey princess, wake up”. It took a few moment for her orbs to open in their wide and curious natural form. “Hello sleepyhead, remember when we talk about the medicine that the team was working on? The one made for you to not be sick?” he asked and waited for the girl to nod her head. “Well it's finished now but Cait has to put a little needle, it's that okay?”.

Sensing the kid weariness about it Cisco added “it's like mosquito bite, a very annoying mosquito, like Harry” making her giggle and the older man roll his eyes.

“Okay Cait” she said extending her arm towards the woman “but can Mango stay with me?” asked with big puppy eyes, “and Ralphy too”.

“Of course Y/N, you're already so brave for doing this” answered Caitlin smiling to her while preparing the IV. “It'll take time until the all the serum is gone so you can take a nap if you want”.

“Ralphy can I hold your hand?” Y/N asked shyly.

“Of course sweethearth” he said with a smile. “Better idea, what if I lay down with you, and Mango, and we take a nap together? Would you like that?”.

She nodded her head and move to let him lay next to her. Hugging her stuffed tiger and shutting tightly her eyes she said “I'm ready Cait”.

--------------

When Y/N started waking up things felt foggy. In her hand she could feel a soft like thingy and from her left side something was warm and inviting like sleeping in a big, soft bed on winter. Finally winning over the dizziness she opened her eyes to find herself on the medbay and squished next to Ralph who took over 2/3 of the bed.

“Ralph, wake up” she said a bit loud while sitting up and looking around. The clock said it was 6:30am. “Ralph dude, wake up” she repited louder this time and shaking him awake.

“Wha..? I'm awake, I'm awake” he replied sitting up with heavy eyelids. It took him a whole 2 minutes, with streching and a long yawn, to realize the situation. He made eye contact with a very confused Y/N. Very confused and ADULT, “OH MY GOD YOU'RE BACK TO NORMAL!!!” he yelled while wrapping her in a tight hug.

“Ralphy I can't breathe” was Y/N reply, muffled by Ralph's chest, forcing him to let her go. “What are you talking about? Back to normal? What happened?”.

“It's a bit of a long story, but we should call the others, they would want to know that the serum worked and that you are okay. Wait, are you okay?” he asked with a concerned face.

---------------

They were all waiting for her to react to the story, currently on the medbay because Y/N's dizziness was still present. Trying to explain something that they really didn't understand yet was very confusing but still the weirdest part was telling their experiences with little Y/N.

Cisco was waiting for her to yell, cry, hell he was wating for her to kill him for making her live through that hell. Like, what kind of friend will do something like that?!

She finally raised her head to look at them from where she was staring at her lap for minutes.

“I got piggybacked by Oliver Queen?”.

[fallout-snippets]

um i love how u write x6, how do u think he would interact w the sosu + other companions post game railroad ending, assuming he was sent to a settlement and isnt immediately hostile to the sosu?

(i know he technically gets hostile if you do any other ending but the institutes, but that’s shit writing and character neglect on bethesdas part.)

Immediately after he’s on high alert, but not looking for trouble. There’s no way he can take on everyone and if he flees, then what? He has nowhere to go. It’s not like he didn’t know it was coming either though. It doesn’t take long after he becomes Soles companion that he realizes that they don’t really have any intentions to join the Institute.

He’d probably blend in with the shadows, waiting for Sole to tell him what to do because honestly, he has no clue what to do or what his purpose is now. Maybe Sole is about to kill him and they just forgot about him. He’s fine with that. Maybe they’re about to make an example out of him to all the surviving Institute affiliates. That’s okay too. As long as something happens soon. He finds himself scared for the first time in... forever. Maybe he should’ve fought with the Institute against Sole but he knows that it wouldn’t matter. Sole would win anyway and honestly he doesn’t like the idea of going against them.

When Sole does find him, he has to smother the fight or flight response. There’s nowhere to run and there’s no way he’ll fight them. He accepts his fate and waits for the final blow. Instead Sole puts their arms around him, pulling him tight against them. He feels them sobbing against his shoulder and he knows enough to put his arms around them too.

He doesn’t know how to cry though.

He’s granted a place with them, if he promises to do right by the people and cast off any allegiance to the Institute and their ways. That’s not a problem to him, it was never his opinion. He wasn’t allowed to have one. All he needs is someone to follow that he trusts and so far Sole has been the only one.

He knows Cait doesn’t trust or like him one bit but she leaves him alone. He appriciates that. As time passes he won’t make too much of an attempt to make friends but he does commend her combat skills and ask to spar from time to time. She never holds back.

Codsworth is a gentleman. He would never make any comments or suggestions of bad character, but X6-88 knows the bot doesn’t trust him that much either. Technically, he is created by the people who tore his family apart, regardless of the bombs. Their interactions are always civil, however, and X6-88 sometimes asks for advice on proper etiquette.

Curie isn’t afraid of him. She might not properly understand his origins but she does love to ask about it. He appriciates her forwardness and doesn’t mind talking to her despite her sometimes invasive questions. They help eachother become a little more human; she teaches him to be softer and he teaches her to be a little tougher.

X6-88 doesn’t care much for Danse and Danse will never accept him. Their backgrounds are just too different, but neither one will seek out the other for a fight. Danse may, sometimes, express his distaste but it doesn’t bother X6-88 at all. He knows the inconvinience a fight among friends would cause Sole and he values them much more than he dislikes Danse.

Deacon and X6-88 rarely interract. He understands that Deacon is loyal to Sole as well but he knows that given just the slightest reason to doubt his own loyalty, he will be executed immediately. Their few interactions are always stiff and he knows that Deacon not only distrusts him, but genuinely despise him. They stay away from eachother as much as possible.

Dogmeat is a friend to everyone who’s a friend to Sole. He definitely notices how the other companions treat X6-88 but if Sole likes him, so does he. X6-88 adores Dogmeats company. Appriciates having someone near that doesn’t talk or request interaction. Likes to just exist near someone.

Hancock takes a while to warm up to the idea of an ex-courser being free to walk around people without strict supervision but eventually understands that X6-88 had no other frame of reference other than the Institute. Considers this his second chance however, and won’t give him a third. They’re not exactly friends but Hancock is a man of the people and understands social situations perfectly, and X6-88 tries to learn from him.

MacCready seems to be equally scared and pissed at him but he’s not in the business of acting on it. Their interactions are always civil and polite but brief. If Duncan is nearby he notices that MacCready becomes much more visibly distressed and so he chooses to keep a distance. Not just because it’s ethically the ‘right thing to do’ but because he doesn’t doubt that MacCready, if pushed into a corner, would do something rash and stupid.

Nick understands X6-88 better than anyone else and doesn’t hold his past against him, if he really is trying to reform. Nick knows firsthand how hard it is to do good and be good when people are continously doubting and using your past nature against you. Nick is probably the closest thing X6-88 has to a friend other than Sole and it’s kind of a friendship based on what they both are and are going through rather than a friendship based on interest and having fun together.

If there’s one thing Piper never thought she’d be doing it’s talking to an Institute puppet without screaming profanities too. She’s always cautious in approaching him at first but once she gets going she can’t help herself. X6-88 thinks it’s intriguing how her thirst for knowledge smothers her fear and he finds himself more than willing to tell her whatever she wants to know. Who’s going to reprimand him for spilling the secrets now? Not that he knows that much. Piper comes to understand that the Institute considered X6-88 a literal tool, nothing close to human, and that he’s trying to emerge from the power they held over him. She’s never going to ask him over for dinner or anything, and she’ll keep Nat a good distance away from the man, but she’s kind of sad to realize he’s not the monster she thought he was.

Preston doesn’t hold his past against him, like Nick, but is also going to make damn sure the Minutemen survive no matter what. Keeps an eye on him and the things he does but as long as X6-88 at least does what Sole says, Preston has no major problem with him. If someone else does, however, that’s between them.X6-88 admires Preston. The worst things that could’ve happened to him happened but he survived and fought through it anyway. He tells him sometime, that he never had much faith in humanity but Preston has proved him wrong. He probably says it much less tactfully and Preston probably doesn’t know if he’s being insulted or complimented but sees the struggle and just thanks him.

Strong assumes that people are wary of him because he’s a fearsome warrior or something. Doesn’t entirely understand the whole faction thing and honestly? He doesn’t care. Humans are humans. Also doesn’t understand why X6-88 apparently isn’t human? Strong is very interested in fighting X6-88 to see who’s the strongest but X6-88 keeps a respectful distance. They’re both two sides of a socially inept coin and there are only misunderstandings between them.

Ada remembers the Mechanist doing bad things thinking it was right until Sole cleared it up with her. Assumes it’s the same with X6-88. She’s not afraid of him. She kind of freaks him out though. If she’s a friend of Sole she’s a friend of his, more or less, but she acts as if she’s not just a bot. And people treat her like she’s not just a bot. But she is a bot. But then, isn’t that what people say about synths? And he’s a synth. So is he a bot or more than that? What’s the truth? Her existence and programming sends him down a spiral of selfdoubt and hard-hitting questions he’s not always ready to deal with (but that he does try to deal with)

Longfellow knows more than well that synths and coursers can reform and change their lives. The only real difference between the two are their job descriptions and hell, Longfellows just too old to give a shit. If he wants to make amends and change his life, let him. X6-88 appriciates the rare kindness Longfellow shows him but finds his lifestyle to not... match with his own. Has no idea why people like alcohol. The first time Longfellow got X6-88 to down a drink he thought he was malfunctioning and followed Sole around with a grip on their jacket until he sobered up. He’s not interested in doing that again.

Gage is probably a bit jealous of the reputation that follows X6-88 around despite the fact that he more or less follows Sole around like a puppy. Gage tries to push him into action but not because he wants everyone to turn on X6-88 and push him away but because he wants to see if it’s true. X6-88 honestly enjoys the testing, finds comfort in how firm he is in his emotions, or lack thereof. Doesn’t much care for Gages previous life, thinks he’s everything the Institute were convinced humanity had become.

[selenityshiroi]

FFVII REMAKE SPOILERS

Okay, I’ve given it a few days since the official launch. I have to give my thoughts on this game. Don’t read if you are still playing through, as I WILL be talking about the ending and some things that diverged from the original game.

First off, this game was so good in so many ways.

I was worried about the gameplay, because I’m not really an Action RPG gamer. But the gameplay was smooth, fun and well planned. I played the game on easy, so I could focus on getting through the story, but I WANT to play the next difficulty because I feel like I will enjoy the challange.

Then there was the graphics. Oh. My. God. This game is SO BEAUTIFUL. The scenery (even though it’s not always supposed to be beautiful, it’s so intricate and detailed and has such a scale and world building to it), the characters, the battle animations, the attacks...even the grotesque monsters look so well done. We KNOW the FF series is always known for it’s stunning visuals, but they really outdid themselves. And, yeah, there are a few texture bugs that’ll probably be patched at some point, but even things like the lighting and the facial expressions and body language...it’s all SO GOOD. If this was a movie they would be fighting for art direction awards.

But the part they totally blew my expectations away on, everyone’s expectations, is the character and story development.

When they said they expanded Midgar they really, really did. But not by senselessly bloating it out. Everything they did led to making you more and more invested in the events. Spending more time with Team Avalanche meant that you cared about Biggs, Wedge and Jessie. Spending time talking to the NPCs in Sector 7 meant that you really, really wanted to stop that plate from coming down. And every time you spent time with one of the main characters, you felt like you knew and understood them better than you ever did.

By the time we got to the plate collapse I actually felt GUILTY for doing side quests and looking for treasure etc. Because it felt like I’d failed the people in the slums (even though, obviously, taking your time doesn’t change the story). And they’d done SUCH A GREAT JOB in making the slums feel real.

Now...before I go into characters and relationships, let me be clear and upfront. I always have and always will ship Cloti. But I don’t hate Aerith. I never actually played her much in the original game (I was spoiled for her death and was very pragmatic in not wanting to waste my EXP). This game is my first real taste of Aerith as a character and not a lost friend, so I’ve loved getting to know her.

Let me get the Cloti talk out of the way, first.

HOLY SHIT.

I’m sure there are fans of other pairings who won’t agree, but most people are in agreement. Cloud and Tifa got a LOT of ship fuel in this game.

From the start, Tifa is the one person Cloud isn’t standoffish around. He tries but within a few minutes of them teamed up in Sector 7 they are gently teasing each other in banter, and he is SOFT AS HELL towards her. Since this comes directly after the opening mission (where he and Barret are openly antagonistic to each other and he barely tolerates the rest of the team) it’s very obvious. As the chapter goes on he also listens to her and offers support and encouragement, which is completely different to the rest of his interactions thus far.

As the game goes on this difference continues, even when he starts to open up to others. Despite the fact that he has encouraging and impressed battle dialogue with Tifa and seems to respect her ability to take care of herself, the game has him constantly protective of her. They also touch each other A LOT (both initiated by Tifa and Cloud) and far more so than anyone else. There are some super charged moments between them, too (the train jump scene alone has enough sexual tension to start a baby boom) and there are several gratuituous scenes of them grabbing at each other in danger and showing extreme concern both physically and emotionally (and more of Cloud being SOFT AS HELL when it comes to Tifa). Plus their optional scene is super romantically suggestive (with the hug and his concern for her emotions and the hints at their shared history).

I could spend so much time going over all of their interactions and little moments because WOW. But I wanna go over the other relationships.

Cloud and Barret have such amazing development through the game. They start out as super antagonistic to each other. Barret doesn’t trust him and Cloud doesn’t care. But Barret is a softy at heart and he can’t help but soften up a little. By the time of the second reactor mission they start to tolerate and appreciate each other a little. But by the time they are fighting to save the plate? At that point Cloud is invested in the Team and Barret knows he’s a good fighter and maybe a good guy. The optional scene (I haven’t triggered it but was linked to a video) they have is such a good one where is shows how far they’ve come (Barret unloading his thoughts and emotions onto Cloud and feeling comforted by having spoken with him and Cloud willing to listen patiently and willing to be part of the Team).

Barret and Tifa have a rather familial relationship (Barret is super protective of his team and you can see this really early on) and their mutual respect and care for each other is wonderful. They know each other so well and are so emotionally open to each other.

Cloud and Aerith start out with him being pretty standoffish and barely tolerating her. But when she encourages him to save Tifa from Don Corneo they start to bond and their friendship starts to develop.

The slow build to Cloud finally sharing a high five (a few ‘how do you human’ moments with Avalanche, Tifa and Aerith and then misqueing one with Aerith before finally getting one right) was so damned adorable and is one of my fav moments!

I mean, I don’t ship them (and with the SHEER VOLUME of Cloti moments plus the increased hints towards Aerith’s relationship with Zack I don’t feel like I’m supposed to) but I am 100% behind their friendship. Also...Aerith knows how to flirt with Cloud and then back off when he’s uncomfortable...unlike Jessie who was well out of order several times. She is cool.

But talking about friendships I am 100% behind and very much grateful to Squeenix for giving us?

Hello Aerti!

DAMN these girls got a lot of moments together and plenty of chance to interact and develop a bond and I LOVED IT. Cloud was totally a third wheel to them, most of the time, and so he should be. Thank you for giving us girls being friends and not letting a man get between them. Tifa and Aerith protecting and defending each other felt so good after seeing so much toxicity spread around by the less stable parts of both ship fandoms.

Between letting Tifa and Aerith spend time together and having Barret help Aerith out of Shinra Tower it felt like Squeenix are trying to spend more time on developing Aerith’s relationships with the whole team. And I LOVE that because it’s needed before we get to THAT moment in future games. Nanaki doesn’t get much time with the others but it’s nice to see the starts of the bonds forming.

As much as I love shipping I love one thing just as much. FOUND FAMILY TROPES. And I want the next game to definitely go down this route for the entire Squad.

As for the characters individually...thank god we finally have the (not quite) real Cloud back. The emo fanon contruction is gone and we have our awkward, dorky, snarky boy back. I love him. He tries his best to be cool and all, but he’s a good boy at heart and it leaks out all over the place.

Same with Barret. Soft Team Dad hidden under a gruff guy who tries to come off as all tough and deadly. His moments regarding Marlene were super sweet and, like before, are such a contrast to his ‘big bad activist’ self that it’s great to see him in both stages and the inbetween.

Tifa was ~chef’s kiss~. A little playful but also a little shy. Full of compassion but not a pushover. Tough as nails, when needed, but also emotionally open.

Aerith was super playful and fun. But there is an undercurrent of sadness and insecurity around her and there is a lot of speculation that she may Know Things. Possibly even her future death.

We don’t get much of Nanaki or Reeve but I can’t wait for more from them (in Reeve’s case, through Cait Sith who got a small cameo during the plate collapse) in the next game. It looks like we might get Nanaki being a proper teenage wolf kitty which is gonna be great!

Team Avalanche were all pretty great, except for Jessie’s outrageous flirting going totally over the line...Cloud was very clear with his refusals but she still didn’t back off and was a step over the borderline of harrassment. That being said, other than the flirting, the team had some great moments. Jessie’s concern over how much of Reactor 1 was her fault and her GUILT was amazing. Biggs and Wedge, too, felt real and dimensional. Cloud building a small bond with the three of them (THEY GOT HIS FIRST TRUE AND BRIGHT SMILE) was so good and made the plate fall EVEN WORSE (despite the possibility of survival for them).

But now...the ending.

Oh boy.

There is a lot of talk and speculation about the ending and I’m sure it’ll be a hot topic until the next game comes out.

There are a few things it could mean on a scale of ‘barely anything will change but this means that Squeenix have given themselves some wiggle room with future events’ all the way up to ‘everything is gonna be totally different to the original game from here on out’.

Everyone is mad at the thought of the next game going in the latter direction and it’s the biggest drawback of the game to most. The one thing holding them back from thinking this game a perfect adaptation of the original game.

Personally, I think that the game is not going to change that much. I DON’T think Zack is still alive (the game was very clear to show us that Cloud still had the buster sword...so much so as to equip it on him during the cut scene after Zack’s appearance, even if it wasn’t his equiped weapon...Cloud probably wouldn’t have the sword if Zack was alive). I do think the Sephiroth we saw could be from the future. I do think the game will mostly keep to the same beats and events but that certain things will change in execution in order to keep some element of surprise and suspense. The biggest of things being that I think Aerith will still die, but not in the same set of events.

Overall, this game was utterly fantastic in almost every way. As a fan of the original I was so, so happy with what they did. The production team should be so very proud of the effort and detail they put into this game. The love they have for the original was obvious in the presentation.

10/10 would and will play again!

[nukagalreacts]

Fo4 Companions react to Sole teleporting back to the Institute in the middle of an argument- Part one!

20 billion years later here is the react an anonymous requested! Thanks again for the request and be on the look out for part two in a day or so! Much love y’all!

Cait: The arguments between her and Sole would get nasty real fast since Cait was so short tempered and Sole was stubborn and had a hard time admitting when they are wrong about something. As of late the arguing was a lot worse since Sole had found their long lost son whom Cait learned was the head of the Institute, Cait kept insisting that Sole find ways to sabotage the place from the inside and bring the Institute down once and for all. Sole couldn’t bring themselves to go against their son though and was positive they could make the institute better if they stuck around. Cait was furious when Sole brought this idea up, an argument filled with expletives, yelling, and tears ensued, both of them trying to get their points across. 

Cait realized she crossed the line though when she told Sole that it would be better if she just killed her son and brought the whole Institute with him. Sole’s whole expression became blank as their eyes glazed over and their lips formed a tight line, hands now slack at their sides. Cait felt a horrible sick feeling overtake her whole body knowing she just made the biggest mistake of her life. Reaching out a shaking hand she tried to tell Sole she didn’t mean a damn word she just said, but Sole flinched away and Cait knew it was too late as she watched Sole teleport back to the Institute.

 Cait felt as if she was going to start hyperventilating as her breathing became labored and her vision blurred with hot tears, how could she have let herself fuck up this badly. After standing their for a moment she managed to find an empty building and proceed to break most of the furniture that was left, as she screamed and punched holes in the wall till her knuckles bled. Once she exhausted herself she collapsed to the floor and curled up, closing her eyes and letting herself slip into a fitful sleep full of nightmares where Sole never came back and she was left alone in the world again. 

Curie: she hated arguing with anyone especially Sole, and when arguments did happen she was the one to talk it down and make them see the rational and logical side of the situation, and rarely let her emotions get in the way. The past few months though had been tense to say the least, at first all was well and dandy when Curie heard the news Sole found her son, she was even okay with the fact that he was the head of The Institute. Curie just figured her and Sole would work out a plan to turn the Institute around and make it into something good that would help the Commonwealth instead of trying to purge it. The situation became complicated though when Sole revealed Shaun wanted them to take up his title as Director and lead on the legacy that he had helped build up over the years. Curie urged Sole not to follow in their son’s footsteps that them doing this would lead to the destruction of the people left in the Commonwealth. 

Curie begged and pleaded until Sole couldn’t take it anymore and snapped at her threatening to have Curie turned into one of the Institute’s mindless synths. It was hard to make Curie angry or upset but Sole was the one who has pushed her too far this time, as she began telling Sole that nothing but death and destruction would follow after Sole and there Son. Sole made a stern promise that they would see to it that nothing would stand between the dreams and hopes their son had for the Institute, no matter how many people they had to kill to fulfill that dream. Before Curie could say anything else Sole was gone in the blink of an eye as they transported back to the Institute, Curie felt rage and despair as every good feeling and memory they had of Sole turned into hatred, once she was able to get back into her room at the Sanctuary settlement she broke down on the bed wanting to scream and cry, but was only able to curl up in a ball feeling sick to her stomach. 

Danse: Sole was someone he thought he could always trust, they have been there when he doubted his whole existence and life fell apart when finding out he was really a synth and his memories where all a lie. Sole had stood by his side and built him back up and helped him create a new life, allowing him to re-find his purpose outside of the Brotherhood. Now that was starting to feel like a mistake as Sole began dabbling with the Institute, at first it was all about finding Sole’s son and rescuing them but everything changed when Sole announced they had found Shaun. Danse was over the moon at the prospect of Sole brining Shaun home and all of them being a proper family together and starting a new life, but those thoughts were washed down the drain when Sole admitted Shaun was the leader of the Institute. Danse knew this changed everything, but still attempted to convince Sole that destroying the Institute was the best thing for everyone. Sole had agreed to this thought process at first but the more time they spent with Shaun and the deeper they got into the Institute, the more Sole became influenced by them and began agreeing with what they did to purify the Commonwealth.

Danse felt defeated by this betrayal and felt his insecurities slipping up as he watched the person he loved most slip out of his grip, and even start to turn on him and look down at him for being a synth. It all came to a head when Sole made a snarky comment to him and Danse snapped back at them asking Sole how much of themselves they were going to give up just to create a bound with their dying son! Sole had gone quiet and for just a second Danse thought he saw the old Sole start to break through before it vanished and they gazed at him coldly before disappearing as they teleport-ed back to the Institute. Danse could feel himself starting to go numb as he started to wander off with no destination in mind, he couldn’t believe he was losing everything all over again.           

Preston: Sole was a loyal friend and General of The Minutemen and Preston felt that he could never regret having them as part of his life, they where a bright light in a moment of darkness, the strength he needed to move forward when he was at his weakest. Preston thought he was ready for anything when he helped Sole find a way to use a courser chip to teleport into the Institute, sure he had been scared as Hell when it actually worked but it was even more terrifying when they came back and told him the leader of the Institute was their son. He hadn’t wanted to admit it at the time but he knew in his heart that was the moment of the downfall of Sole, and honestly he could never blame them for it. He still can’t wrap his mind around the descent of this slow and painful betrayal that felt like a knife twisting in his gut, but he kept trying to bring Sole back, to convince them that this was the wrong path, that doing this would only hurt them in the end.

At first Sole tried to keep ties with the Minutemen and the Institute, but that was short lived as their Son pressured them to pick what side they wanted to be on, being clear to remind Sole that the Institute was the Commonwealth’s and humanity's only salvation. Preston knew Sole was desperate to spend time with Shaun and try and make up for lost time, but to side with some of the most vile people on this earth to accomplish that and side with the horrible things they had been doing made Preston’s blood boil, it enraged him that Sole was willing to throw away everything they had accomplished and risk thousands of lives and hurt the people who had come to love them so much. Preston had confronted Sole and said as much to them, letting them know if they left they could never come back from this and whatever friendship they had was broken and that he never wanted to see them back in the Commonwealth again and if they did come back he wouldn’t hesitate to kill them. Sole had turned to him and angrily asked what he would do if the situations where reversed, and preston told them he would have had the strength to do what needs done and not condemn a world of people to slaughter under the disguise of progress and science. Both stared at each other long and hard before Sole turned around and teleported for good back to the Institute, afterwards Preston was quick to get a few settlers together to destroy the teleportation pad, letting out all his rage as he smashed it to pieces.    

X6-88: Sole and X-6 made an unstoppable and fearsome duo, helping take over the Commonwealth and spread the Institutes influence with an iron fist, if you ever saw these two come your way you knew you were utterly fucked. Ever since Sole’s son passed away and they had stepped up to fill his shoes and it was nothing but stress and a constant reminder that they still had a lot to learn before they could receive the amount of respect and trust Shaun had within the Institute before his passing. Sole was well aware of the stares and whispers behind their backs and when they brought this up to X-6 he reminded them that they needed to earn the title that Father had left them, sure Sole had been next in line but they needed to prove that they have what it takes to rule over them, and show they have the will, authority, and strength to lead them into a new age. 

Sole was pushing themselves to the limit to prove themselves to everyone, but they constantly felt like they were failing and making a fool of themselves, and that no one took them seriously. At this point Sole felt like they were always angry, snapping at everyone and constantly had a migraine pounding against their skull which only added to them being irritated and pissed off. Everything broke down when X-6 confronted them to tell them they had been acting unprofessional and people were beginning to question rather Father was right in letting them take over his role. Sole snapped and started screaming about all they had been doing for this past year was trying to prove themselves and make everyone happy and it was never good enough. X-6 gave them a blank stare, pissing Sole off even more and without thinking they teleport back to there room only to feel stupid when X-6 teleport-ed into the room as well right next to them, Sole sat down with their head in there hands knowing X-6 wouldn’t go away until this was all sorted out.   

[raiders-r-us]

Headcanons-How Gage Feels About the Other Companions

Cait- Doesn't get along with her at all if he meets her before she gets clean, sees her as just another junkie commonwealth raider type.

If he meets her after she's clean, he has a quiet respect for her, since she worked to better herself. Her constant drinking annoys the hell out of him though. She wants to fight him every time she's drunk and he's within eyesight; he's not interested in a fight that doesn't end up with someone's guts on the floor and their money in his pocket. He figures Sole wouldn't be too happy with him if that happened to Cait.

Curie- It's not a secret that the idea of synths creeps him the hell out, but with Curie it's a whole new level. It's one thing to build a person in a lab, you can almost forget they weren't born like normal people; but Curie started out as a robot. What does that say about humanity if you can take a programmed personality and slap it in a human shell? Doesn't help that she's so damn nice all the time. "Monsieur Gage, if I may, perhaps I could help you with your eye." He shudders every time he hears that accent, and he avoids her like the plague. He is not at all pleased if Sole forces him to see her when he's sick.

Preston Garvey- Hahahahaha fuck you.

Danse- Gage and Danse don't get along at all and it's very mutual. Danse is quick to dismiss Gage as just another piece of raider scum. Considering Gage's thoughts on the Brotherhood, he thinks Danse ought to look in the mirror before he goes pointing fingers.

If Gage is romanced by a Fem!Sole, Danse makes him very insecure. The "white knight" military man probably has more in common with Sole's late husband than a busted up old raider ever could.

Codsworth- Gage does not like robots; especially creepy robot butlers with stupid accents. He thinks it's super annoying the way he nannies Sole; and he'll probably break his fist on a wall if the damn thing compares him to Sole's husband one more time. He'd smash the damn thing and scrap it for parts if it were up to him, but for some reason Sole considers it a comfort to keep around.

Deacon- Gage, for all his faults, is not a liar; and he can't stand liars. He doesn't trust Deacon half as far as he could throw him, and it drives him crazy that Sole does. He's forever keeping a cautious eye on the railroad spy, waiting for some shifty shit to go down.

Dogmeat- Gage tries to act all tough and indifferent to the "mutt" at first, but soon falls in love with man's best friend. When he thinks no one's looking, he even sometimes shares his food with Dogmeat. Sole has caught him more than once passed out curled up on the couch with fluffbutt over there.

Hancock- Hates him at first; chem downing junkie ghoul that he is. Gage warms up to him though, as he realizes that Goodneighbor is a thriving town that doesn't judge, and Hancock worked his ass off to make it that way. He respects and identifies with the need to walk away from family when they make a choice you just can't respect.

He does wish he'd stop offering Sole chems though.

MacCready- Gage just can't believe a word MacCready says about his past. A cave full of kids who kick people out once they grow up? Nope, too weird, not buying it. Because of this, he doesn't believe a word the young mercenary says, and feels about the same for him as he does for Deacon.

Nick Valentine- Resents the hell out of him. Sole looks up to this guy-robot-synth-thing like a father figure; and like any prewar father figure, Nick doesn't have many nice things to say about a guy like Gage. Gage finds it hard to look at Nick, he freaks him out almost as much as Curie does, just in reverse. This obviously robotic looking thing has the mind and memories of a prewar lawman, it's not just programming, he used to be a person...but what the hell is he now? Creepy, if you ask Gage.

Piper- Oh God just so damn annoying. Does she ever shut up? Not every cause matters, and his business certainly doesn't belong in a fucking newspaper for all to read. He hates it when Sole indulges her with tales of their exploits. Gage thinks if Piper REALLY wanted to keep her sister safe, she'd worry more about combat training than journalism. Piss the wrong person off and kiss your family goodbye; and Piper doesn't take any care in who she pisses off. What's more important? He'd like to ask her. Your family, or the scoop?

Strong- When he first meets Strong, Sole narrowly stops Gage from killing him on sight. At first, all Gage sees is a goddamn fucking mutie. Gage and Strong form something of a strange and unlikely friendship, full of lots of boasting and chest slapping. Gage takes an interest in Gatorclaw hunting, he likes bringing back trophies to rub in the mutant's big dumb green face.

X6-88- At first, Gage trusts him about as much as he trusts the institute as a whole...which isn't saying much. Surprising to himself though, he finds himself on weirdly good terms with the courser. Not too many of Sole's companions can relate to Gage's quiet, somewhat calculating disposition; he appreciates X6's tendency to leave him alone. He also appreciates how X6 judges by skill, not by a warped sense of black and white morality. Neither of them are very fond of words, so the extent of their communication is a friendly nod of the head in passing.

Longfellow- Gage sits in childlike wonder when Longfellow tells the stories of his youth and the sea. He wouldn't admit it, but he sees Longfellow as the strong father figure he wished he had in his own youth. Usually Gage doesn't give a shit what people think of him, but it cuts him deep when Longfellow looks at him with disappointment upon finding out about Gage's position as a raider. Longfellow's life actually makes him consider leaving it all behind; running off to a secluded and inhospitable wilderness to build a life with Sole away from all the bullshit. Something to consider anyway.

Preston Garvey for real this time- It's no secret that there is heated animosity between the two, but Gage can't help but note the similarities between them. They both placed Sole in charge, taking a back seat as second in command; both of them with a fire in their hearts to accomplish their goals. Garvey's goal however, is futile to Gage. The commonwealth, and the wasteland as a whole, is just not a peaceful place. There will always be a bigger badder monster or stronger force of manpower lurking around the corner to fuck up your day; sending in Sole to rescue people who don't even have what it takes to stand up for themselves does nothing in the long run. Gage usually prefers to keep his distance from Garvey and his holier than thou speeches, but he always tags along when Sole goes to speak to him. He's not above knocking Garvey's teeth in if he tries to trash talk him to Sole again.

[nuclear-reactions]

i’m on an angst binge and i’ve had this scenario in my head for days!! how would the companions from fallout 4 react to sole suddenly leaving without a trace, only leaving behing a letter or a holotape with an apology about them not saying goodbye in person?

(Dogmeat and Strong can’t work nor understand holotapes so they’re excluded)

“If I got thenerve together to go through with this, you’re wondering where I am.I would have given  you a proper goodbye, God knows you deserve that,at the very least. But I knew, if I stayed, if I brought myself tomeet you and say to your face ‘I’m leaving’… I know I wouldn’t havebeen able to. Don’t try to follow me. You can’t follow me throughthis. I’m sorry. This is goodbye.”

MacCready- He’dalways been expecting something. A knife in the back, getting leftbehind when one of the bullet maelstroms they endured proved too muchfor Sole, their friendship too tenuous and unimportant for them tosuffer for him. They surprised him every time they helped pick himout of the dirt after a fight. It had always been too good. He knewit was. But somewhere in the back of his mind, he had hoped, foolishand idiotic as that was. Hoped he had found someone to trust, someonedeserving of it. Someone he could give his all to, knowing they hadhis back. And here he was again; alone. He’s angry, understandably.He kicks chairs and curses after he finds the holotape. He wants tothrow it against a wall so hard it shatters, smash it under his heel,with an anger he hasn’t felt in so long he almost isn’t sure what todo with it. But he hesitates when it’s in his hand. If they didn’tcome back, this would be the last time he hears their voice. He’storn between the white hot anger that bobs in his throat and theinexplicable need to keep something of theirs close. The need winsout in the end. He tucks the holotape away in his rucksack and goeson, alone, as he’s always been.

Preston- In theback of his mind, he should have known things couldn’t stay the waythey were. It was dangerous to put so much weight on one person’sshoulders. He had thought if the burden was ever too heavy, theycould share it with him. He had prayed to God or whatever benevolentdeity that was gracious enough to let him wake up in the morningsalive, whatever force brought them together, he had hoped… this wasa person like him. Better than him. Kind enough to want to tilt theworld back on its axis and strong enough to see it through. Succeedwhere he failed. But that had always been the fatal flaw of PrestonGarvey. He hoped. Worst of all, even as he surveys Sole’s room, emptyand cold as the day they wandered back to Sanctuary, he still hashope. Hope that one day he’ll see their shadow on the horizon again.He leaves the holotape where it lays and walks out into the streets,shaking off the foggy daze in his head. There’s work to do. Too manypeople depend on him for him to linger too long on the dense pit inhis stomach.

Danse- People cameand went in Danse’s life, too many for him to even remember most oftheir faces. Even some of the faces of soldiers he’s buried blur atthe edges. He’s no stranger to loss. Yet the striking sense of losshe feels when those words crackle from the radio, that’s somethinghe’s not prepared for. He has to play it several times for themessage to really sink in, and each play leaves him angrier than thelast, his brows furrowing, chest tightening. It didn’t make sense.They had faced down monsters together, the military might of theBrotherhood, they saved his life several times over, and now they hadleft without so much as a proper goodbye. Or a reason. What could bethe reason? What could be so important or dangerous that he couldn’tfollow them? The thought they might be in danger, alone, makes hishead spin. He never got to really thank them for all they did. Henever repaid them. What if now he never got the chance? No, hedecides, climbing into his armor. He wasn’t going to spend his dayswondering, hoping to see them some day long from now, dreading theywere rotting somewhere far from him. Whatever they thought they werewalking into, or walking away from, they were not going without him.

Curie- She’sconfused, hurt, as much as she knows she has no right to be. Curiehad always planned on going off on her own someday. Or at least, shehad thought that at first. She had always wanted to see the world,learn what she could, and when she left the Vault, she had alwaysintended to do that alone. In all her visions of her own future, Solewas never in them. After they met, the change was subtle, enough shedidn’t notice it. With their departure, she realizes she had seenthem together in all those lofty dreams she had once dreamed alone.She feels a heat behind her eyes too late, fat tears streaking downher synthetic face before she has a chance to stop them. “Why nottake me? Huh? Why can I not follow?” She shakes her head, blobs oftears slipping loose from her jaw to plop softly to the tabletop.“This is unfair. You are being unfair!” She would have let themcome with her, whatever dangers she might have faced. She couldn’thelp thinking they thought her weak, or worse, she had somehow grownfonder of them than they had her. Both prospects filled her withequal parts anger and grief. She shoves the holotape as harshly awayfrom her as if it had burned her, turning on her heel to march awayfrom the offending farewell. She had never thought herself quitecapable of hate. Now, she hated the person she cared most for, nomatter how dearly she wished not to.

Piper- The firsttime she listens to the holotape left behind, she’s too stunned tothink much of anything. Sole’s voice pours through her brain like asieve. Nothing quite sticks enough for her to make sense of it. Thesecond time, she argues with just about everything it says, aloud.“-if I stayed, if I brought myself to meet you and say to your face‘I’m leaving’-” “Oh, what you would think twice? Why on Earthwould that be a good idea, huh? Thinking twice about something, no,that just wouldn’t do!” “-n’t try to follow me. You can’t followme thr-” “No, you know what’s the best idea, to creep out in themiddle of the night like a- like a-a vampire or something! A selfish,stupid, blood sucking-” “I’m sorry. This is goodbye.” Herbreath catches in her throat, mid disapproving finger wag at the tapeplayer. A long stretch of silence follows the click of the tapecoming to an end for the second time. “No.” She swipes up thetape, stuffing it in her rucksack, along with an armful of suppliesoff the counter. “No, no, no. You don’t get to do that, Blue. Youdon’t get to ghost off mysteriously into the fog without so much asan explanation. You better hope I don’t find you because you will bethat! A ghost I mean!” Too flustered to properly berate the emptyair she imagined Sole would have occupied had they not been an ass,she shoves everything she can fit into her bag. The door rattles onits hinges when she slams it shut. This is why you can’t disappear onan investigative journalist- they find out the truth in the end, andlittle stands in their way.

Cait- She hardlygets through the message. Before Sole is finished saying goodbye,Cait’s fist collides with the player, caving in the speakers. Garbledstatic and the distorted remnants of what Sole was trying to saylinger until she brings down her knuckles on it once more, smashingit over and over and over again, until the crumbling shell of theholotape player and its contents are all that remains. Pieces shredher skin, blood mingling with frayed wires and scattered shards ofplastic. She shouldn’t have been so angry. One more let down washardly a surprise, nor was disappointment new to her life. Hot tearsstill struggle past the lump in her throat, and she feels so stupidfor crying over someone who doesn’t deserve her tears. If they did,they wouldn’t have left some pussy message and ran away like acoward. She buries her face in her bruised hands, cursing, hatingSole and the trembling in her limbs and herself for letting them getso close. What had she expected? This was always going to be theoutcome. She had been a fool to think otherwise. When the ragesubsides, she regrets letting it get the better of her. The tape shedestroyed might have had a clue where Sole had gone. She tellsherself she would want to know so she could find them and beat theirface in like they deserve. Really, she just wants to know where theyare. There’s nowhere she wouldn’t have followed, no matter what theysaid.

Deacon- He canhardly blame them. It’s practically a page out of his handbook.Vanish in the night, leave behind cryptic message, never be seenagain. Hell, it wasn’t just one of his plays, it was his retirementplan. But then, he was a spy, a habitual liar, and wholly unattached.Sole was another story. Deacon leans against the table, tapping hisfingers against the holotape left behind. He understood the need forsecrecy. Sometimes you just need to disappear. Understanding doesn’tmake it sting any less. They were honest with each other. As honestas one could really be. There was something comforting about havingsomeone else hold onto some of his secrets for him, and stick closeenough he always knew where they were. To know they were out in thewild somewhere, he feels suddenly exposed, like when he felt his wigssloughing off to an angle on a job. Not like Sole would go blabbingto everyone the deeply personal things he had shared with them, butstill. “We tell each other shit, y'know?” he says aloud, as ifthe holotape would respond. “You coulda told me anything.” Healmost takes the tape with him when he goes. Almost allows himself anattachment. He buries it instead, truly leaving no trace of Solebehind.

Nick- There was amoment, a few long moments, even after he files the holotape away andcontinues his work in Diamond City, that he thinks about going afterthem. Missing persons werepractically his specialty at this point. Finding people, especiallyones that didn’t really want to be found, made up a good percentageof the cases that came across his desk. Sole was different. He knewthem too well, respected them too much, to go against their wishes.They had gotten close since their first meeting in that Overseer’soffice, when they came to his rescue. They became one of the fewpeople he trusted without second thought. That was the only reason hedidn’t go after them. If they had vanished without proper goodbyes,they had a damn good reason, that he was sure of. Every now and then,glancing over to the empty chair they so often occupied in hisoffice, a seed of doubt unfurled somewhere in his chest. You betterhave a good reason, he thinks. And you better not stay gone. Despitethe finality of their goodbyes, he expects to see them every time thedoor of Valentine’s Detective Agency swings open, and they occupy histhoughts in the moments of quiet between cases.

X6-88- His ordershad been to follow them, do as they say, within the bounds of his ownprogramming. The news of their disappearance displeases hissuperior’s in the Institute, but X6 finds he doesn’t much care fortheir reactions. More than anything, he’s struck by how much heappears to miss them. The two of them had become familiar with oneanother, in a fashion that came dangerously close to fondness. Heknew better than to reveal this to anyone. He’d be sent off forbehavioral recalibrations if he ever expressed how empty the hallsfelt without them walking shoulder to shoulder with him. How quiet itfelt without them making idle conversation. It was almostoverwhelming at times, how the quiet pressed in, how asphyxiating theemptiness felt. Weeks later, when he’s assigned the task of trackingthem down, he’s glad. The way his pulse leaps at the prospect ofseeing them again should concern him like it would concern Father andthe others, but he doesn’t give it much thought. He has to hide theslight tilt at the corners of his lips when he accepts the mission tofind Sole, whatever the cost. 

 Hancock- Theirvoice is filled with such sadness, it weighs heavy on his heart longafter he turns the holotape off and pockets it. Something was wrong.It had to have been, if they couldn’t share it with him. They hadtaken on everything the Commonwealth threw at them as a team. Neveronce had something been so bad they felt the need to protect Hancockfrom it. Whether that was a rampaging Deathclaw or the revelation hisonly brother had been replaced by a synth. As hurt as he is to beleft behind, he’s more concerned than anything. He pulls every stringhe can get his hands on, calls in every favor, until there isn’t aneye in Boston that doesn’t belong to him. Every wisp of smoke that somuch as resembles Sole’s figure is relayed back to him. The search ismostly fruitless, and he suspects it’ll remain that way. Sole is aperson who can get lost if they really want. He keeps it upregardless, for both of them. If he lives his life never knowing whatbecame of them, it would eat at him for the rest of his very longlife. If they end up in bad straights, they would be grateful for hisefforts, no matter how badly they wanted to disappear. Either way,he’s not letting them go sight unseen.

Codsworth- Thegears click in his head, spinning uselessly as he tries to make senseof what he’s hearing. If he had olfactory senses, he might havesmelled the coppery tang in the air of his circuits burning hot inhis chassis. He was a machine, made to serve the express purpose oflooking after a family. Without that family, he had no purpose. Hehad suffered it once before, been without them for centuries. To seethem again filled him with- there was no way to put it, really.Filled him with things he couldn’t begin to understand or quantify.They had made him think he might get to live out his purpose again.What would he do without them?  He replays the tape several times,until eventually he simply puts it on loop and lets it run while hefloats about the town, aimless. He never ventures far from home, andthe sound of Sole’s voice is never quiet for long. Just a few secondsbetween plays, while the tape rewinds. He answers to no one, andafter a few months, no one in the settlement tries to coax anythingout of him. He’s left to float the streets, the quiet hum of hisengines and Sole’s voice the only sound the bot makes.

[haledamage]

Pairing: Cait Cousland/Loghain Mac Tir

Story Summary: Word of a plot against Anora comes to light, and Cait Cousland and Loghain Mac Tir must go behind enemy lines to hunt down the source.

aka Cait and Loghain have to pretend to be married and attend a fancy Orlesian party. What could possibly go wrong?

Sequel to Yield though you don’t need to have read it to read this one. Rated E

“Good morning, Anora. Another bouquet of flowers arrived for you,” Cait called as she opened the door to the queen’s office. She hoped Anora was actually in there; she couldn’t see over the riot of flowers in her arms.

“They're lovely,” Anora replied unenthusiastically. Cait made her way in the vague direction of her voice. “Who are these from?”

She sat the vase down, the flowers covering the surface of the desk and hiding the mountains of paperwork that were probably on it. She pulled the card out of her jacket pocket and read it as dramatically as possible. “‘To the Radiant Anora Mac Tir, All flowers pale before your delicate beauty, but I hope they brighten your day just the same. Lord Otwin De Calis .’” She dropped the card onto Anora’s desk, to get lost among the rest of the chaos. “Should I know who that is? He sent me a bouquet too.”

“I'm not familiar with the name,” Anora said, appearing from behind an especially large pink rose. “What did your card say?”

“He said my beauty was mesmerizing . And something about my strength of character,” Cait rolled her eyes and dropped into an empty chair. “I think I'd rather be radiant.”

“At least he has a decent grasp of language.” Anora stood up to carry the flowers to the window to add them to her collection. There were over a dozen bouquets of various sizes and colors, all from hopeful suitors that seemed to think a bunch of roses would be enough to make them the next king of Ferelden.

Cait propped her feet up on the desk and watched her friend walk across the room and back, poised and controlled even after hours in this little room. “I suppose. Anyone who'd call you delicate doesn't know who they're dealing with.”

“Delicate next to you, maybe,” Anora said, eyes flashing with amusement. “I assume you've already sent replies?”

"Of course." Cait intoned in an expressionless voice, "Her Royal Highness and Chancellor Cousland are very flattered by your gift and your words, but completely uninterested. Try chocolates next time.”

“Good.” Anora pushed Cait’s boots off her desk and sat back down. “I received word from Warden-Commander Amell.”

That got the Warden’s attention and she sat up straight in her chair. “How’s Carah doing?”

“There may be a situation with the darkspawn in Amaranthine. She says she doesn’t need help at this time, but she’ll keep us updated.” Anora handed Cait the letter in question and she read over it quickly.

Once she’d handed the letter back, Cait slouched into her chair again. “Better her than me. I’ve got too many memories attached to Amaranthine. I’d rather be here.” Carah Amell was a natural-born leader and deserved every bit of praise and power they could give her. Cait only hoped that whoever she had helping her in Amaranthine knew more about politics than she did. Carah was a sweet girl; the bannorn would eat her alive if they could. “She’ll be a better Commander than I would be anyway. Patience of a saint, that one.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be killing darkspawn than glaring at politicians?”

Cait shrugged. “Nah. If I wanted the easy job, I’d have volunteered. I like it here, believe it or not.”

"Since you are here, I would like a word with you." Anora stared at her, inscrutable as always.

Cait grinned to hide her sudden unease. "Am I in trouble? Because it kind of sounds like I'm in trouble."

Anora laced her fingers together on her desk and said calmly, "When I requested you find a healthier way to spend your evenings than getting in bar fights, I did not mean to imply you should start having sex with my father."

Cait studied the queen, trying to read anything in her expression. She didn't seem angry, but beyond that she couldn't tell what she was thinking. Hoping she was reading this right, Cait kept her grin firmly in place and said cheekily, "You didn't explicitly tell me not to have sex with your father."

"I'll endeavor to be more specific in the future," Anora said dryly.

“Is this a problem, Anora?” Cait asked bluntly. She sat up straight again so she could lean forward over the desk and started gathering together a coherent argument in her mind, in case Anora tried to tell her to stop her relationship with Loghain. Could they even call it a relationship? An affair, maybe? Liaison?

Anora was still studying her, and Cait hoped her poker face was good enough. “That depends on you. What are your intentions with him?”

Cait started laughing. And then she kept laughing, until her sides hurt and tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. Anora just watched her stoically, patiently waiting for her friend to stop being so dramatic and answer the question. “I’m sorry, I just… I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of this kind of conversation.” Cait wiped the tears from her eyes and added, “We made it clear that we're not looking for anything serious. I'm not out to become your stepmother, if that's what you're worried about.”

Anora paused before quietly saying, “I'm worried about the opposite, actually. My father is a very loyal man. He does not do anything lightly.”

Cait watched her face for any kind of disapproval, but Anora looked as serious and unreadable as ever. “You're concerned that he's after a commitment and I'm just in it for a bit of fun.” She wondered how honest she should be. Anora seemed to just genuinely be interested, and since Carah and Leliana had left the city Cait was severely lacking in female friendships. But it was also Anora’s father that she was having ‘liaisons’ with.

Oh well. In for a copper, in for a crown. “I thought it might be the other way around, though now that I say it out loud it sounds stupid. Everything Loghain ever does is serious . He doesn’t know any other way to do anything.” She dropped her head to a clear space on the desk with a hollow thud. “He and I are a really good fit. Or we could be, if we decided to be. But I can't even get him to call me by my name when other people are around.”

Anora was quiet for a long time, but Cait stubbornly refused to look up and see the expression (or lack thereof) on her friend’s face. After an indeterminate amount of time, either seconds or hours, the queen simply said, “Perhaps I can help.”

She handed her a stack of papers as soon as she sat up again, and she flipped through them, trying to make sense of it. There were a lot of names she didn’t recognize and things written in very fancy filigree. “You lost me.”

“There are rumors of unrest in Orlais. Some courtiers seem to be upset that Empress Celene failed to acquire Ferelden after her plot with Cailan was interrupted." Anora didn't react to that, though her face went a little stonier. Cait sneered on behalf of both of them. "One of these lords, a Duke Dubost, seems to think he'll gain support if he succeeds where she failed. He seeks to supplant me, either by force or by marriage. And since I do not intend to remarry, not now and maybe not ever, it is only a matter of time before he tries something.”

Anora shuffled through the papers until she found the one she was looking for, and pulled a very fancy gilded party invitation to the front. “He is holding a fete at his estate in Jader and I would like you to attend. Find what he's planning and stop it.”

Cait could just imagine how well that would go. The Orlesians were sure to be very accommodating to the blighted Hero of Ferelden. “I'm behind you completely, you know that, but if I walk in there, everyone will either run screaming for the hills or fill me full of arrows.”

The look Anora gave her reminded her of the ones her mother used to give her, when she said something very stupid and Mother was too polite to tell her so. “That is why you will not be going as yourself.” Another shuffling of papers to bring a new one to the top, filled with Anora’s elegant handwriting. “You are Lady Adela Roth, a minor noble from near Highever. You were invited because your cousin, Elena, is married to the youngest son of a marquise, making you technically a noble in both Ferelden and Orlais. You said your Orlesian friend taught you some of the Game, yes?”

“Yes. Bardic basics, at the very least. Don't know that I'm ready for this , though.” Cait was pretty sure Leliana’s exact words were ‘if you keep punching every lord that insults you, there will be no chevaliers left without broken noses.’ Probably best to keep that to herself. “And what does this have to do with Loghain?”

More papers shuffling. “He is your husband, Lord Christoph Roth.” Anora paused, waiting for Cait to refuse, maybe. When she didn’t, she continued, “I did not feel comfortable sending you in alone, and as you said yourself, you work well together.”

Cait had a lot of questions, but she didn’t know where to start and doubted Anora would answer most of them. She liked to be cryptic, a trait Cait found equally frustrating in both Mac Tirs. “Did you ask about my relationship with your father out of genuine concern, or did you just want to make sure we wouldn't be too awkward on your mission?”

“I don't see why it can't be both. You leave in four days. I've already taken the liberty of having some dresses made for you.” Anora sat back in her chair, apparently taking Cait’s lack of dissent as approval. Maybe it was; Anora’s plan was foolproof, and probably even Cait-proof. She couldn’t think of a way to refuse without just seeming childish.

Business concluded, the stern expression on the queen’s face faded into a small, sympathetic smile. “Some time away will do you good. Who knows, maybe spending a week pretending to be a married couple will give you and Father a chance to work a few things out.”

Cait knew that Anora meant well, but when she put it like that, it just sounded like a threat.

-------

Loghain was having a good day, which, for him, mostly meant a quiet day. He spent the day in his room, at his desk, answering letters. Some of them had been there for weeks, waiting for him to find time to reply, but even if he was no longer a teryn or a general, work kept piling up just the same. No messengers came to his door with news of a new fire he needed to put out and the only sound was the scratch of his quill and the cold wind whistling through the half-open window.

He should have known it was too good to last.

Three terse, loud knocks on his door broke his mid-afternoon solitude. He tried not to growl at whomever was on the other side. "What is it?"

Cait breezed into the room like she belonged there, kicking the door shut behind her and moving through the space with her easy, thoughtless grace. She'd never been in his room before; until this moment, Loghain didn't know she knew where his room was.

She was in one of those Nevarran-style suits she was so fond of, with their high collars and thousands of tiny buttons, her hair in a neat braid and, near as he could tell, she was unarmed except for a stack of papers. Probably, that meant she was here on business.

"Warden," he greeted because he liked the face she made when he did.

"How many times do I have to ask you not to call me that?" Cait asked, making a face like she'd just bitten into a lemon. Without waiting for a reply, likely because she knew she wouldn't get one, she added, "Are you in the middle of anything?"

"Nothing that can't wait. What is it?"

She looked around for a place to sit and, finding no other chairs, sat down on the edge of his bed. She held out the stack of papers she'd brought with her. "Anora has some work for us."

He flipped through the pages, skimming over the words to try to put together the story. "She wants us to pose as a married couple to infiltrate a party in Orlais and stop a plot to overthrow her rule."

"You caught on a lot faster than I did." Loghain couldn't tell if the wide smile on her face was from nerves or excitement. Probably both, knowing her. "We leave in four days. Take a carriage there, snoop around for a while, come home with the evidence we need. Easy as lying."

"I see," he said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible, "and Anora sent you to tell me in hopes of softening the blow?"

Cait laughed, a warm, throaty chuckle. "Is that what I do now? Here I thought it was my job to make your life more difficult." Her eyes were as warm as her voice, but much sharper, seeing through his attempts at stoicism. "I know we're asking a lot of you. She's asking a lot of us , really. If you don't want to do it, I won't push."

"And what happens if I refuse?" he asked. Spending any time playing nice with Orlesians was pretty high on his list of worst nightmares. Judging by the way neither Cait nor Anora were ordering him to do this, Loghain assumed they were aware of that.

"I don't know," she said plainly, shrugging one shoulder. "Maybe she sends me alone. Maybe she finds me a new Lord Roth. Maybe she replaces us both. It needs doing no matter what." She paused, still watching him. Her stare was like a physical touch, and could make him feel underdressed even in full armor. Finally, quiet and honest, Cait added, "I'd prefer it's you."

"Hmm. And why is that?" Loghain knew the answer, but he wanted to hear her say it - or the excuse she made instead.

"We work well together." Her lips curled in a sly, private smile. "You know we do. If I have to go to Orlais, I want to do it with someone I know I can trust. And Anora must have chosen us for good reason."

She was probably right. His daughter was not the type to throw her greatest supporters to the wolves. She was also not the type to have only one motive behind anything she did; life was a game of chess for Anora, and they’d just have to hope that they weren’t being cast as pawns.

Cait held his gaze unblinking, not quite a challenge but close. When she looked away, it didn't feel so much like a surrender as it was a mercy. There was something she wasn't saying, but he tried not to make any assumptions. She was not in the habit of keeping secrets. If she wasn't talking it was because she wasn't ready to.

"I'll do it," he said, as if there was ever really any doubt.

Her face lit up with a pure, joyful smile that hit him like a suckerpunch and he regretted his decision immediately. "Good. We leave in four days, as I said before. Anora is providing us with clothing, but the rest is up to us. We'll make our way to Highever first, then take a more discrete carriage from there."

There was nothing he needed to add to that, so he just nodded.

Cait nodded too and slid off the bed. "I'll let you get back to your work, then."

She hovered for just a moment more. She looked like she wanted to say something, or was waiting for him to. But she didn't, and neither did he, and then she left as quickly as she'd arrived.

The room was cold with her gone, and too quiet. Her perfume lingered in the air and on his sheets from the handful of minutes she'd spent on his bed. Sleep tonight was going to be impossible.

He struggled to remind himself to think of her as the Warden. To maintain that careful distance between them. That distance closed a little more with every moment spent with her, and every day it got harder to remember why he thought he needed it.

Loghain had not loved many people in his life, and all of them were dead now except his daughter. But the Warden-- Cait --she was Celia’s ferocity and Rowan’s grace and Maric’s charisma all wrapped in wildfire and he knew if he fell for her he wouldn’t survive the impact.

A week in her constant company would probably kill him.

He turned back to his desk, but just stared unseeing at the blank page in front of him. He couldn't concentrate to write anymore, his focus chased away by easy laughter and storm-colored eyes and the scent of summer flowers. With a frustrated growl, he stormed out of the room to find something else to occupy his thoughts.

[simone-garnett]

title: i’m your lady, and you are my man word count: 7.9k pairing: killervibe information: it’s officially valentine’s day here in sydney so this for the kv valentine’s day challenge by @killervibedaily. beware, it does get angsty (you’ll never guess who’s single this VD  ;P)

       ffn  ///   ao3

Valentine’s Day this year was unseasonably warm, and yet, Caitlin feels cold. Cold and alone and the feeling claws at her heart, its icy tendrils unfurling in her chest, touching every part of her. The others hadn’t realised, Barry and Iris too wrapped up in each other and their plans for the night to even consider that her words may be a touch too sharp, her smile stretched a little too wide to be natural, her eyes dull and laugh fragile. Sherloque seems to notice, but is quickly distracted by the cubes sent by his ex-wives to follow up on his line of inquiry. And Cisco,

Cisco.

Her gaze flickers to him, lingers as she watches him thrum in excitement and expectation, the man bouncing in his seat, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear as he works on tracking the satellites, seeing if they could find a new lead. Her smile softens into something more genuine, sadness in the curl of her lips, a sigh leaving her at the sight of him, full of life and warmth. A few more hours until the end of the day, until his date with the mystery girl that had captured his heart with an ease Caitlin could only envy, a want for him she could only ever dream he’d reciprocate.

But he wouldn’t, she knows that to be true, and it cripples her heart.

It had started weeks ago, a nervous Cisco coming to her at the end of work. It takes a night out and some ice cream before he ended up spilling his thoughts to her, the pair pausing in the park, Cisco staring at the shimmer of moonlight on the still waters of the lake. Because there was this woman, this amazing, incredible woman who was perfection itself, formed with stars in her eyes and love and kindness in her heart, whose laughter was more precious than diamonds, whose smile was everything he needs in his life.

And Caitlin can’t tear her gaze away from him as he speaks, even as a lump gown in her throat. Because his eyes are alight with fire and passion, his smile soft and delicate. And all she wished was for him to speak of her that way, for him to look like that when he thought of her, when he saw her. But she was too late to an event she had no invitation for, not when she never had the chance to own his heart.

He turns to her then, and she smiles in response, weak and watery, but how could she not? Not when the despondency she was feeling would show so evidently to him, not when she knows his smile would fall, that he’d be quiet and concerned and ask about her feelings and why she felt this way.

And she couldn’t risk that, not when she could feel the words bubble up from inside her soul, ready to pour out at the slightest indication from Cisco that he wanted the truth. The consequences of that, of revealing the truth to him, were so terrifyingly large, that she shouldn’t risk it, even if it would give her the world. Because to have him reject her, for Caitlin to hear those stiff, awkward words tumble out of his mouth, of how he loved her, but not like that, of how she was his best friend, only his best friend, just his best friend… she would crack and the shards would never be able to be put back together. Because he was her everything, and she couldn’t confess, not when it would sabotage their friendship, an added layer between them that she couldn’t handle. Cisco would never intentionally hurt her, but subconsciously he wouldn’t be as close or as open, he wouldn’t touch her as much, or hold her – and she couldn’t lose that, couldn’t lose any part of it.

So she smiles, and he believes her.

Cisco takes her hand in between his, warmth encasing her cold fingertips, and she feels it throughout his body, Caitlin relishing in the touch, craving more of it. She always does when it comes to him.

And she clings to the feeling his touch gives her, grasps it tightly and doesn’t let go, not when he takes a deep breath and confesses he wants to ask the mystery girl out on Valentine’s Day, wanted her for more than just the night, wanted her for the rest of his life if she’d let him.

She hadn’t expected the news to hurt as much as it did. She should have, the pain something she had become familiar with, each new girl Cisco dated another reminder that he would never see her in such a fashion, that she should move on and let him go.

But every hero had their one weakness,

and hers was him.

It aches,

oh, how it aches.

She wants to let go, to clutch at her heart, to let the tears that are burning her eyes fall. Because he was so in love with this woman, more than she had ever seen before, she can see it radiating from him, hear it infused in every word he speaks.

But she can’t, can’t let go of his hand, can’t let go of her fear that speaking those words would destroy everything. And so when he asks, when he pleads, rambling on in a circular manner until he hits the very heart of what he wanted – for her to help plan the most perfect first date on Valentine’s Day – she can heart her heart fall and shatter at the dark, murky depths of her soul, an emptiness where it should still be beating, life draining from her. But she bites it all down and smiles at him.

She says yes.

They have a fortnight to prepare the perfect date for him, Cisco asking her about her own dream date with a fantasy man, anxious and full of nerves, a pen in his hand as he seeks every detail, determined for it to be the perfect date.

It is difficult to avoid, Caitlin telling him that the perfect date should be tailored to the woman in question, and to himself. But he looks at her with large, brown eyes, voice pleading as he seeks some type of guidance. Because this was more than a first date, it was special, and if she could just tell him what she thought was special, he may have a better idea of what his girl would like.

And so she nods, Caitlin closing her eyes, losing herself in the fantasies she’s been building for a year. Her voice feels raw with vulnerability as she tells him about fancy dinner at the new Italian restaurant, but not dessert. How she would drink wine and he would steal sips and she would steal kisses. She tells him about how she would love to have a small picnic underneath the starlight at the park they frequented, how they would just sit in comfortable silence, watching the stars and moon in the sky, how he’d have to choose triple chocolate fudge because she’d taste it on his tongue, how he’d be able to taste her strawberry, how she’d want to melt against him as easily as the ice cream they’d just consumed, how she would like to lie down on the picnic rug beside him and stare at the sky and each other, confessing all their secret dreams and hidden fears, fingers interlaced as they confided in each other.

(she doesn’t tell him that it has to be that park, because that is their park, and ice cream is their thing, and her fantasy date is only there because it’s him, her fantasy date has to come with the perfect fantasy boyfriend and that could only ever be him).

It is only then, once she had told him how she wanted to walk home hand in hand with him, how she’d never want the night to end, that she opens her eyes, her smile wavering as she takes him in.

He’s watching her unblinking, pen hovering over the paper, his eyes black and intense and she feels herself getting lost in them, in him. It feels as though she has handed him her heart, beating and raw, and she waits expectantly, fearfully, for an answer.  And air? What could that possibly mean, what could it to when he was watching her the way he was?

“Cait –“ he starts, voice hoarse, hand reaching out to her. And she backs away, a feeble excuse on her tongue as she slips out of his lab and into the safety of the bathroom, door firmly locked behind her. It is only then can she let oxygen back into her lungs, a shaky inhale and exhale as she braces herself against the wall, Caitlin reminding herself that her fantasies were not his own, that his mystery girl wasn’t her. That she shouldn’t let herself hope when she had tried that so many times before.

It is a few minutes before she feels safe to leave the confines of the bathroom - not safe enough to rejoin Cisco in his lab. He’d see through her façade, especially with it so poorly in place. It takes a few hours for that to happen and, even then, they are so distracted by the new metahuman attacking the city to even focus on matters of the heart.

The next day they are back to usual, Cisco asking her whether flowers or chocolate would be preferable, whether he should go for something simple or lavish. She answers each question robotically, hoping he wouldn’t hear a quiver in her voice, a longing she couldn’t mask. And he is so blind to her pain, but she keeps it locked up, glimpses only showing when he wasn’t near her.

She is tortured by stories of his mystery woman, Cisco lighting up as he showers her in compliments, transported to another world as he lists all her wonderful qualities. And it has Caitlin trying to swallow down her jealousy. Because the woman was incredible and incredible was exactly what Cisco deserved.

If only it could be her.

It’s only made worse by his constant questioning of her own love life, her words from days before triggering something inside him. They must, because it is continuous, Cisco inquiring about whether she had plans, any man in her life that she was going to spend the night with. And the words are like acid on her tongue, burning her insides, even as they come out sweetly, soft laughter and a gentle shake of her head as she tells him the only plans she has that night are a threesome with Ryan Renalds and Sandra Bullock.

It brings a flicker of a frown on his face, and she remembers belatedly that of course he knows her go-to movie when she’s distraught. But, thankfully, they are interrupted before he could press her on the issue, Caitlin tempted to kiss Ralph for waltzing in as he did, completely oblivious to the tension in the room.

The day draws closer and her heart feels heavier, Cisco singing to himself in his labs while he tinkers away on his machines, unaware of how she watches him from the other side of the glass, the shattered remnants of her heart by his feet. Because they had finished planning, Cisco made reservations and ordered flowers. And she no longer had an excuse to neglect her work and focus on him, no excuse to linger in his labs, to stand close to him as she showed him how he should style his hair, to hold his hands as she taught him basic classical dancing moves, in case he were to decide that an intimate dance underneath the moonlight were the right thing to do.

And she’s weak for resting her forehead against his shoulder as they sway together, weak for imagining it could be them, that it could be more than a lesson, but instead her reality.

The dream is shattered when the song on his phone ends, Cisco clearing his throat before releasing her hands, wiping his own against the rough material of denim over his thighs. It leaves her disorientated, Caitlin needing a minute before smiling at him, commending him on how easily he picked up the moves before she rushes out of the lab, collapsing against her seat as she deals with the very real possibility that, in a few days, Cisco would have a girlfriend. A girlfriend who she would have to meet, have to pretend to love, who he would take dancing and to dinner and spend the rest of his life with.

A girlfriend who wouldn’t be her.

When the day finally arrives she wonders how suspicious it would be if she calls in sick.

She doesn’t, of course. Not when her best friends are a speedster, a skilled journalist, and Cisco. Between the three of them Iris would be the first to catch-on to the lie and, with Barry who can and would cross hundreds of miles in a moment for all of them, and doesn’t realise how a door works, she’d be busted before breakfast. Which would mean explaining to them what was wrong. And she couldn’t do that. And if not them than Cisco would press for answers, pouting as she refused, worried eyes and concerned tone as he seeks to find out why she lied about being sick.

He’d cancel his date for her, that she has no doubt of. He’d take care of her and make sure she feels okay even if she wouldn’t tell him the reasons and she couldn’t demand that of him, not when he was so excited and happy to finally go out with the mystery girl.

So she comes into work, bone weary even after sleeping for a full eight hours, her mind sluggish and her heart cold. She distracts herself with work and coffee, losing herself in research and seeking answers that she wasn’t sure she could find.

Barry and Iris leave first, too excited to waste time when crime was so low in the city. Apparently criminals also fall in love. Next Ralph and, surprisingly, Sherloque, the older man rolling his eyes in fond exasperation as the younger one drags him along on his date to surreptitiously watch and advice.

And it leaves just the two of them in STAR Labs.

Cisco leaves his lab the moment they are alone, rolling on a chair to the spot beside her, beaming in joy. It is difficult not to reciprocate, even as it reminds her of everything she is missing out on. “So,” she starts, clearing her throat before continuing, “are you ready for your big date?”

She elbows him in the side, genuine laughter as he yelps in response, a pout on his face as he turns to her betrayed. “Rude.”

“Cisco.” She gives him a look, cracking as he maintains the sad expression on his face, grinning at him until he too gives way.

“I am,” he admits, almost shyly. He ducks his head and she can feel his love in the air, so strong that it was radiating off of him. And she knows she’s lost him, lost any chance of him ever moving on from this mystery woman. She’s lost the chance to be with him and god, the realisation hurts her, squeezes her heart until she isn’t sure if it is beating anymore.

“Well, it’s going to go perfectly,” she offers, a smile on her face even though she’s breaking.

“I hope so.” And there he is, with those eyes, so wide and expressive, sucking her in even deeper. And she can’t, she shouldn’t. She can’t.

She does.

“Well it better,” she jokes, “I planned it after all.”

“Yeah,” and his nerves must be getting the better of her, because he seems less excited, more nervous. “Well, I should probably get ready now,” he says eventually.

“You mean you’re not going in your Star Wars shirt?” The deadpan look he gives her is enough for a laugh, a genuine laugh, to leave her, continuing as he turns away without a word.

He leaves her to change, Cisco slipping into his lab where his suit had been stored for the past few days. And she stays behind, fiddling with her fingers. And she reads the same lines over and over again, words blurring into each other as she tries to update her knowledge, developments in the field of biochemistry something she should most definitely be reading up on. But they don’t make sense, nothing makes sense. She shakes her head, rubs her eyes, but her mind won’t focus on anything but the man only a few feet away, getting dressed for his date.

Caitlin thinks she hears her name, but she must imagine it because why would Cisco be calling her? Still, she jumps off her seat and meanders her way to his lab, pausing at the entrance, Caitlin leaning against the door frame, allowing herself a moment of weakness, gaze drifting over him. And she hopes this girl realises how lucky she is because, damn, he looks fine in the crisp white shirt and suspenders. He runs his fingers through his hair before he starts fiddling with his shirt. And it’s strange, Cisco usually so good with his hands, unable to do simple buttons at the corners of his collar. There is an agitation she can only attribute to nervousness, the latter creating and compounding the frustration he feels.

Caitlin is caught, Cisco looking up, accidentally meeting her gaze. But she can’t look away in embarrassment, even as she feels her cheeks heat up.  And she walks up to him, sees his eyes dark and stormy and they are inches apart, her heart racing in her chest.

She does crack first, focussed intensely on the neck buttons that were left untied, lithe fingers making quick work of the tricky buttons, her hands dropping down to his chest to smoothen the shirt which had gotten crinkled in his attempts to do the button on his own. And it is nice to be so close to him, even if it is friendly and innocent. It is too nice; she can’t bring herself to back away. So she lifts her gaze, eyes tracing the outline of his face, fingers running through his locks, neatening it up for him, tucking the stray lock of hair behind his ear before smiling to herself.

It is then that Caitlin realises that Cisco hadn’t said a word, hadn’t moved an inch. And she shouldn’t, knows she shouldn’t, but she does, gaze flickering to his own. It steals her breath, the intensity of his gaze, and she can’t find it again, can’t even think when he looks at her like that, not when they are so close and he looks so fine and she is so ready to let the words tumble from her lips. She had been holding them back for over a year, and to confess when he was hours away from a date with another woman, and was excited about the date,

it would be cruel.

And so she backs away from him, pink tinging her cheeks as she smiles at him, a fragile smile which she knows could fall and shatter in a moment. “Well, you look perfect,” she offers and she wills him not to ask anything, not when she is close to confessing everything. “Just don’t forget your jacket.”

For a moment he looks like he will, brows knitting together before Cisco opens his mouth. Only to be interrupted by his phone. She thinks he swears in Spanish, Cisco breaking eye contact to pick up the offending object, sighing before he shoves it into his pocket. “I need to pick up the flowers before the store closes,” he explains, almost apologetically. She nods at him. He picks up his jacket, slides his arms through it before adjusting it on his frame. “Don’t spend the night here Cait, go home.” And again, silently, she nods. But it isn’t enough, Cisco taking those few steps towards her, hands on her shoulder, and she can feel it burning against her skin, Caitlin so hyperaware of everything in the moment, his touch, the way his thumb strokes her shoulder absentmindedly, the way each finger presses against her.

“I’m serious Caitlin, go home.”

“I promise Cisco, I’ll shut the computers down and go home.” And he takes a moment, gaze flickering over her face, looking for something she was scared she’d show. But he just nods and lets go, Caitlin craving the contact immediately.

“Alright then, I’m off Cait. Wish me luck!” She offers him two thumbs up, the exuberance of his spirit only seeing to dampen her own, a watery smile on her lips.

“Knock her dead Cisco, she’d be an idiot to not already be in love with you.”

It seems to be the right words to say, his smile widening, Cisco whistling to himself as he exits the labs.

And then she was left alone.

Caitlin doesn’t mean to curl up in on herself and cry, was so sure she’d be able to control the stinging of her eyes, the tell-tale signs of her tears. She had told herself that she simply needed to lie down for a moment, weariness settling into her bones, her body, her mind, her heart all exhausted from the emotional turmoil she was going through. It was only supposed to be a moment, a moment to collect herself, to find all the emotions that had scattered from her control, to quell them and lock them down. She needed the strength before she would go home and indulge herself on some ice cream and her favourite cheesy rom-com.

And her med-bay was so temptingly close, the rest of the lab empty. The bed calls to her and she can’t help but answer, her legs walking there without Caitlin even realising she had moved, the woman toeing off her shoes before sliding onto the bed.

She just needs a moment of rest, but once a single tear escapes her, it becomes a waterfall, pouring from her soul. And her body is wracked with emotion, shaking as she is overcome with emotion. Her sobs are ugly and messy, the sound echoing on the walls of her lab, filling her ears.

It hurts, everything hurts. And it is harsh, the ragged breaths she takes, trying to fill her lungs up with oxygen, the effort needed simply to inhale. It is like a vice on her heart, her lungs, pain emanating from her chest. She feels weak, shaky hands wiping away her tears. But they keep on falling, an untapped water flow.

It had never been like this, she had never been like this. But then, Cisco had never been so in love with the woman before. Sure, he loved Cynthia, but that had been so early in Caitlin’s own feelings she hadn’t felt the devastation of now.

And she thinks maybe it is necessary, therapeutic for her to let all her emotions out now instead of bottling it all up as she had done for the past fortnight, allows her to hopefully have better control tomorrow. Because she knows that Cisco would come into work beaming, knows that he would want to tell her everything about the date, the perfect woman, the perfect night.

Because she was his best friend, and she was so happy for him, so damn happy. Even as it tears her up inside.

Eventually the tears die, but the pain flourishes. She isn’t sure how long she lies there, how long her mind tortures her with visions of Cisco and his girlfriend, the pair laughing over a joke Cisco made, strolling down  the pathway hand in hand, Cisco dropping her off at her apartment late at night, but the pain doesn’t dull.

Caitlin is sure she’s going crazy with the thoughts playing in her mind, so sure she could hear Cisco’s voice in the labs. “Caitlin!” And she can hear heavy footsteps echoing on the floor, becoming louder as they approached her.

And oh, she thinks, not her imagination. It is Cisco.

He pulls her up into a sitting position, gaze frantic as he checks over her, a forceful hand on her chin holding her in place as she tries to duck her face away from his sight, embarrassment causing her to hide her face.

But he doesn’t let her hide herself, not from him.

And so she is blessed with the vision before her; he had ditched the suit jacket and unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt, Caitlin drinking in the sight thirstily, Cisco hardly ever revealing his chest like this. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows and god, if she wasn’t so upset she’d be memorising the sight for future reference.

“What are you doing here?” And if the tearstains didn’t tell him what she had been doing, the thickness of her voice would have done so easily.

“You weren’t home,” he says, as though that should be adequate enough. But at her look he continues, hand shifting from her chin to the side of her head, Cisco stroking her hair. “You weren’t home and you weren’t answering your phone, so I hacked the STAR Labs mainframe. You hadn’t left even though you promised you would leave immediately.” There are hints of accusation in his voice, but it is drowned out by the fear that he was only now letting go of. He shrugs lightly, as though it were nothing when he adds, “I thought something happened.” But she’s not blind, Caitlin can see the tightness in his jaw, can see his adam’s apple bob as he forces the words out. And she knows she must have terrified him with that.

It is though just mentioning it triggers the flood of emotions he had experienced, Cisco turning quickly to her, looking over her in earnest once more. And it with trembling hands he feels her forehead and checks her pulse, fear shining in his eyes as he tries to diagnose just why she was so sad and alone. “I’m okay Cisco.”

She attempts to brush him off, but it is to no avail, Cisco looking at her as though she were crazy. And she thinks she must be, because he was here, with her, and she was encouraging him to be with another woman. But he ignores her, still trembling fingers moving to cup her face, his thumb wiping away the tears that still remained on her face.

And she is weak, too weak, Cisco her kryptonite. Because Caitlin leans into his touch, takes strength from his presence. Her eyelids flutter closed as she just breathes in the moment, commits it to memory as she cherishes every second. Even when she knows it will hurt all the more when he eventually leaves her for his date. She thinks he whispers her name, the sound of it so soft and full of love, and it like a balm to soothe her soul, the pain lessening, if only for this moment, only for him.

When her eyes eventually open, vision clearing to focus just on Cisco. And his eyebrows are pinched and he looks so scared for her. Her heart constructs at the sight and she wants nothing more than to smooth the lines of worry from his forehead, wants to make him feel better. “Caitlin, talk to me.” And his hands drop from her face, Cisco taking her own in between his, squeezing it gently as he urges her to open up to him. And she can’t, she shouldn’t.

She won’t.

“It’s nothing that ice cream and a good movie won’t fix.” It is a weak laugh that follows, and she knows it. But it is the best she can muster when the man beside her holds her heart and doesn’t realise it.

It takes all her strength to pull her hands from his own, a gentle push on his shoulder as she tries to encourage him away. “Caitlin.” And he isn’t treating this as lightly as she wanted, concern etched into his face. He looked pained and he doesn’t budge under the pressure from her hands. He stays beside her.

(Is it too much to ask for him to stay beside her forever?)

“I’m sorry Cisco.” And god, she is the worst friend in the world. His face,

she can barely stand to look at it.

So instead she looks down at her hands, fiddles her fingers together, unable to keep still. “Go enjoy your date, I’ll be fine.” And she sounds it, though she may not look it, her voice steady, a slight inflection at the end the only sign she won’t be as fine as she says.

But it doesn’t matter to him, Cisco scoffing at her words. And instead of pulling away he joins her on the bed in the med-bay, pulling her tight against his chest, Caitlin falling against him easily. And there is a gentle kiss pressed against the crown of her head, a deep rumble she can feel as he says “I won’t leave you Cait, not now, not ever. So get that stupid idea out of your head.”

And she doesn’t mean for the words to come tumbling out, so lost in his proximity and touch, the walls she erected eroding with ease.

“But you will Cisco, you will.”

The confession is soft, delicate. It is strong, mighty, destroying any semblance of carefreeness that she was trying to project. Came out small, but the emotions screams at both of them, Caitlin ducking her head, hair falling, making a curtain between them. But her shield disappears easily, Cisco’s touch light and gentle as he tucks the hair behind her ear, moves the excess over her shoulder. His guidance is tender as he tilts her head back up, turning it toward him.

“What?” He sounds so confused, so hurt by her words. And she regrets it, but she can’t avoid it, can’t lie to him. She never had been able to before.

“You want a wife and family Cisco. You’ve already told me once that you don’t want your powers or STAR Lab. You don’t want me.” And her eyes plead for him to be done with the conversation, but he doesn’t drop it, Cisco shaking his head in disbelief.

“Caitlin that’s insane.”

“It’s not. I mean, you’re already in love with her,” and she can feel the tears re-emerge, pricking at her eyelids, threatening to fall again. “And she’s going to fall in love with you, I mean, who wouldn’t. And then you’ll be serious and get married and have children and you’ve already told me that you want out of being Vibe once, so what’s going to stop you from doing that again. Because you’ll have a wife and kids and I get it, but if you –“ She’s rambling, but she’s been holding this in for so long, a dam breaking inside her, Caitlin lost in the overwhelming current of her feelings.

“Not wanting STAR Labs doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my life Cait. You gotta know that.” He lets out a shaky breath, “and that was so long ago.”

“You think that now, but what happens when you get a new job to support your family. And you’re so busy with it and your kids and your wife and you forget about me? You’re so much of my life Cisco, I don’t know how I’d cope if you weren’t there.”

“You did,” and if she was sharing her insecurities he was also sharing his. “You left when Killer Frost emerged, you got your own life and job and you cut me out completely Cait. Do you know how difficult it was, losing you and Barry together. But Barry didn’t really get a choice – you just left. You left me.”

He sniffs and his eyes shine and god, how did this even happen?

“I almost killed you Cisco! I could barely look at you without feeling guilty.” It is a sharp exclamation, Caitlin desperate for him to understand just how vital he was in her life. She softens, the memories of him coming to her at the bar bringing a gentle smile to her lips. “And life without you, it was awful.”

When he gets up from beside her, her heart gets stuck in her throat, Caitlin almost reaching out for him. But she doesn’t, instead watching him through her lashes.

He kneels before her, takes her hand in his. And she knows she is lost, lost in his gaze, lost in the moment. “Caitlin, please.” And his voice is so hoarse, its roughness rubbing against her, Caitlin shuddering in response. “Please tell me where this is coming from. I can’t help you if I don’t know.”

“I love you.”

They slip out so easily, as though they belonged out in the open, where he could hear it. His breath stutters and he looks up at her in disbelief, eyes wide and shining, jaw hanging open. It is true what they say, that the truth does set one free, because her heart soars with the words. “I love you so much Cisco and helping you plan the perfect date for another woman, seeing you so excited about it, it hurt. It hurt so much knowing it was for someone else, that you could never feel the same for me.” Her voice trembles but she pushes on. “I mean, after Cynthia and Kamilla and the cute engineer from Mercury Labs, why would you settle for me?”

He continues to look at her gob-smacked. And he has lost his voice, Cisco simply watching her silently. And she can feel it, each fragment of her heart fall for every second his silence drags on.

“You – you love me?” His voice cracks at the words, Cisco blinking over and over, as if she would disappear if he closed and opened his eyes. “Do you mean you love me like a friend or you’re in love with me. Because there’s a big distinction between the two and I really need to know.” There is an urgency in his voice but she misses it completely, Caitlin so lost in her own emotional turmoil to catch it.

She also misses how his eyes dim when she slides her hands out of his own, Caitlin tilting her head up as she wipes away a few stray tears. “Everything Cisco, all of it. I love you, I’m in love with you.” A wet laugh leaves her and she can’t meet his eyes. “You’re everything to me, you’re it.”

The shock on Cisco’s face takes her aback and her heart sinks at the sight, a feeling of regret gnawing at her soul.

“I should go.”

And he closes his eyes momentarily, determination flaring in them when he opens them back up, jaw set. “Caitlin Snow, will you please be my Valentine?”

The words cause her to freeze, heart sinking and soaring simultaneously. Because he had spoken the words she had dreamt of for so long, but he doesn’t mean it, doesn’t want her. Not like she wanted, not like she wants him. “You don’t have to do this Cisco, your girl is waiting for you, you shouldn’t be blowing her off like that.”

He huffs, “Cait, I’m serious.”

And she looks down at him, Cisco still on his knees before her, looking up with a sincerity he couldn’t mean.

“I didn’t think you’d tease me like this Cisco. I never thought you’d be that cruel.” It is all she can manage to stutter out before she can’t bear to be in the same room as Cisco any longer. She storms out of the room, the stray tears now becoming more constant, Caitlin wiping them away, a noise of annoyance leaving her as she wipes away fresh tears.

But then she stops,

and she can barely breathe.

Because there, on her desk in the main laboratory, is the most beautiful red dress, flung over it haphazardly, a bouquet of flowers just dropped on the floor. It is a miracle she can move, feet walking to the gifts, knees bending as she picks up the flowers, white roses, she notes, her favourite. There is a note attached to it and she reads it,

and subsequently drops them to the floor, a gasp leaving her mouth, hands lifted up to stifle the sound. Because the note, it was addressed to her. And it is shaky fingers which pick up the dress, so beautiful and stunning and definitely her size. It is though it were designed only for her, so specific to her tastes, to her body.

It drops back on the table and Caitlin is left standing there in the middle of the floor, her mind struggling to compute with this new information. And she feels strong hands settling on her hips, Cisco tugging her close to him. She melts immediately into his embrace, Cisco bending his head, nuzzling into her neck.

And god, it feels amazing.

He spins her around, the worried look on his face melting into a more hopeful one. “I hope you know I’d never tease you about that Cait.” There is an earnestness in his voice, a desperation for her to know it was the truth.

And she feels so lost, like she is lost at sea and drowning in the possibilities that she never thought she’d get swept away in.

“But – but,” and she’s stuttering, but she never thought it could happen, never prepared herself for the chance. “But your girl, she was perfect and I’m – me.” There is a brokenness in her voice, a story of lost love, of tortured love, of a life that one person should not have endure. And Cisco cannot stand it, he never could, not even as he stood in the sidelines, only able to hold her as she fell apart, praying that he could help her.

He leans his forehead against her own, the pair soaking in the moment together. “You are perfect Cait, to me.” He takes a deep inhale, a vulnerability in his voice as he confesses, “you’re it for me too. I can’t imagine a life where you’re not in it. I need you by my side, always Cait.”

“But it doesn’t make any sense. Why did you get me to help with the date? And why did you wait until now to ask?” She stumbles through her questions, heart struggling to catch up to what her mind understood.

He shrugs his shoulders. “I figured the best person to help plan the perfect date was the girl I wanted to ask.”

She smiles, finally smiles, Cisco finally convincing her that it was real, it was happening. And he nudges her nose with his own, eliciting a laugh from Caitlin, Cisco grinning toothily in response, the smile softening as he gazes down at her, Caitlin unable to tear her eyes away from him.

There is a shift on his expression, Cisco suddenly more serious and it worries her. “I’m in love with you too Caitlin, in case you haven’t figured yet. I have been since I first saw you with Hartley and you were able to take him down so sweetly and then be so nice to me in the very same breath. But you were with Ronnie, and then Jay and Julian happened and I – I never thought you’d ever consider me.”

His words take her aback, Caitlin wrapping her arms around his neck, a gentle smile on her face. There is a look of awe in his eyes as she leans in closer, hesitating for a moment before closing the distance. And the moment they connect she melts, Caitlin leaning into Cisco’s frame, raising herself on her toes to be more comfortable. His hands on her hips flex instinctively and she wants more, more of the kiss, more of Cisco, more moments where they can spend together, wrapped up in each other’s embrace. She pulls him down as she moves to rest surefooted on the ground, her lips pressed more firmly against his own as she tries to soak in everything, the way his nose presses against her cheek, the feel of his hair between her fingers as she cradles the back of his head, the electricity that shoots through her when Cisco finds a sliver of skin between her blouse and pencil skirt, his thumb sliding underneath it, the calloused digit rubbing circles against her bare skin.

He pulls away first, Caitlin chasing his mouth, sighing as they reconnect, Cisco grinning against her lips, a strangled groan leaving him as she licks at the seam of his lips, Caitlin deepening the kiss immediately. And she’s known him for so long, so intimately, and it translates easily into the kiss, the pair quickly learning everything about the other, easily drawing out soft moans and quiet whines as they learn the other’s body as intimately as they know their own.

Eventually they do break away, shallow gasps of air as they try and steady themselves and their heartbeats. “That was everything I thought it would be – it was more.” Cisco sighs, “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

Caitlin beams at his words, almost glowing. “Can you believe we could have been doing this for months if we weren’t so scared to say anything?” She laughs the words and her eyes twinkle at the thought.

His gaze darts over her face, as if trying to memorise the way she looks at him. And she wants to blush at the awe on his own, but it dims. “You sure you’re okay with this?” He sounds a little scared.

“Cisco,” she laughs, a quick kiss against the tip of his nose. “I have been dreaming about this moment for so long. I’m more than okay.”

And his thumb sweeps underneath her eyes, traces the line from the corner of her eye and down her cheeks. She knows he is following the trail of tears that stained her face, his expression becoming more sombre as he takes it in, the silvery line a reminder that she had been crying twenty minutes ago.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realise it was hurting you. I swear if I knew I would have asked you out at the beginning instead of all of this.”

“Cisco please, you didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know. I’ve spent ages mastering the art of squashing down feelings, it’s not your fault.” Caitlin pauses, crinkling her nose at a thought before shrugging. “Well it is, but that’s only because you’re so irresistible.”

She accomplishes the task she set out to do, a hearty chuckle leaving Cisco at her words, a smug grin on his face as he lingers in the compliment. And she wishes she could live in this moment forever, his hands a nice weight on her hips as it drops back to where it was resting before, her arms around his neck. They are so close, so intimate, and it feels as though she has finally come home, the feeling of security around her. It is though she is cocooned in love and she wouldn’t have had it happen any other way.

Her finger twirls a lock of his hair, Caitlin smiling, the struggles of the past fortnight nothing compared to the complete euphoria of the past few minutes. And she drops her hand, one anchoring on his shoulder as her right slides down, stopping over his heart, Caitlin relishing in the steady thump beneath her palm. But then Cisco speaks. “We should get going.”

“Hmm,” she responds, still distracted by her thoughts, “yeah we should. My apartment is closer than yours and it’s still too far away. ” It is his laugh that brings her back to this universe, Caitlin refusing to be embarrassed, even as her cheeks darken.

“I meant to the dinner baby, I still have those reservations.”

She stops, head cocked as she scrutinises his face. “I never found out how you got reservations there, and on Valentine’s Day too. It’s been booked out for months.”

The grin that lights his face makes her fall in love with him all over again, Cisco subconsciously swaying them side to side. “I made that booking in November Cait. I always knew you were the one I wanted to ask and that you really wanted to go there.” But then he moves to let go of her, and she can’t have that, not yet. Her grip on him tightens, almost instinctively, and Cisco’s smile shifts into something smug. “Come on Caitlin, we gotta go.”

She pouts at the notion, her alternative far more appealing in the moment. “Do we really need to?” And her hand slides up his neck, hand cupping the back of his head as she brings him back down to her, Caitlin lifting herself on her toes to meet him mid-way. And Cisco knows he should be stronger than this, but kissing Caitlin is something that he could never get used to, never resist. And he gives in to the kiss immediately, hand squeezing her hips, Cisco pulling her closer, barely a hairbreadth between their bodies. And he almost gives in to her completely, because it was Caitlin and she was kissing him and he had dreamt about this for years – the idea of delaying it further for something like restaurant reservations seems ridiculous in the moment, especially when his hands slide up her torso, thumb on the underside of her breasts. It causes her to break the kiss, eyes black as she meets his hesitant gaze. “More,” she rasps, her hand dropping to guide his own to the centre of her chest. “Please Cisco.”

“Caitlin,” he whines, and he sounds tortured.

“Okay fine,” she caves. “Give me a moment to change.” And he grins that grin at her, her grin, the one that she could never resist, not even when she didn’t understand the feelings she harboured for him.

But when he goes to reach for the suit jacket he dropped on the floor, she stops, a hand on his shoulder, Caitlin pulling him back up. “If we’re doing this dinner, you’re going like that.”

There is a spark in his eyes, and she knows that he understood what she was trying to hide perfectly. “But I thought I looked better with the jacket.” Cisco’s the cat that caught the canary, smug and proud and god, she loves him.

So she shrugs casually, a sly smile thrown over her shoulder as she walks away, hands pulling her shirt over her head, Caitlin just in her bra and pencil skirt. There is a litany of swearing from behind her, both English and Spanish as she bends to pick up the dress and flowers. “That –“ she finally says, a casualness which flies in the face of the tension that was crackling between them, the atmosphere sparking with it. “That was when I thought you were taking someone else.”