#AND WHAT HE FINDS HAD ME IN FUCKING TEARS AND THE WAY THE ML FELT LIKE

[punksnom]

When an author decides to show a snippet of what happened after the reborn mc died in their first life and it includes the ml just barely missing the chance to meet the mc and the ml just goes on living his life but vaguely feels as if something is missing

And in the end the ml won't ever know exactly what it was and how happy he could have been because their fate this time was never meant to cross

[meikudan]

hello can I request nanami taking reader’s virginity and the morning after? tysm 💕

thank you for your request ml <3

husband!nanami x fem!reader , virginity loss , mdni

You’ve been married and living with Nanami for a few months now. Things have been sweet and happy, the perfect life for you. When you two first got together, you told him you were a virgin, and he immediately understood. You knew he was very experienced, and Nanami being the kind gentleman he is, he lets you know that you can tell him you’re ready whenever you are, and that he’ll take good care of you.

Now’s the day you’re ready, you’re laid back on your bed, legs spread for him. He kisses all over your body, being extra gentle, taking his time. The sweetest moans and whimpers leave your mouth from time to time.

He travels down to your thighs, licking, the little nibbles and kisses driving you absolutely insane. He’s got you so aroused, you swear you’ve never been this excited before. He sees the wet spot formed on your panties, the sight making him grow extremely hard. He removed your undies, your pretty pussy being revealed to him. His mouth literally waters at the masterpiece that is being shown before him, he needs a taste.

“May I?,” he says, face inches away from your arching, needy little clit. The way he purposely lowers his voice a tone, just to make you even more excited than you already are. Nanami is big on consent, even though you told him you were ready, he must know that you’re completely okay with what he’s about to do to you.

“Nanami.. p-please..,” that please making him weak in the knees, seeing you be such a sweetheart.

He dives in, slurping up all your juices and almost immediately sucking on your nub. The loudest moan leaves your mouth, the suction he has got your legs shaking already. You knew he was experienced, but shit that caught you off guard. His tongue fucking your needy hole, his nose making the slightest contact with your clit from time to time.

“N-nanamiii I’m gonna c-cum..”

He was holding your legs up as he absolutely devoured you, he heard your cries, he was enjoying the meal he’s been waiting for for a very long time. He wasn’t going to let up at all.

“Cum on my face baby, I know you can do it, c’mon.”

The encouragement alone had you coming, hard, hands finding their way to his head and shoving his face into your cunt, oh he loved that so much. He swears he almost came from that. You were shaking as you came down from your high, a tad bit of tears creasing at the corner of your eyes. He made his way up your body, caressing your hair and praising you because you did so good for him.

You jumped a bit when you felt something sliding between your folds, heart pounding a tad bit knowing this was it. He was about to take your virginity, something you’ve been saving for just the right person. Nanami has been too kind to you, you had to let him take something so valuable.

“I-is it going to hurt..?,” you whispered, a bit afraid of how it was going to feel.

“It might feel and be a bit uncomfortable at first, but I promise you it’s gonna feel so good after a while. I told you I was gonna take good care of you, don’t worry princess.”

His words calms your nerves a lot, you trust him with everything. As he began to slide in, he was going extremely slow, seeing how u winced a bit in pain, you were being stretched out, it was all very foreign to you. He kissed your forehead, thumb sliding back and forth on your cheek to calm you down. You teared up a bit as he filled you up all the way.

“Shh it’s ok it’s ok, you’re doing so great baby. Taking me so well,” he said to you.

Not long after the discomfort went away he started moving, your moans became louder, your pleasure increased and everything started to feel so fucking good. Good wasn’t the word, it felt amazing. The way his dick hit so many good spots inside of your, your g spot being shown no mercy. Your breath was taking away as slow thrust turned into pounding. You became very vocal as Nanami brought a finger down to play with your clit a bit.

“Feels good huh baby? Told you it was gonna feel good after a while,” he chuckles in your ear, kissing your cheek as you moan into his touch.

“F-feels so good.. losing my m-mind..,” you said to him, arms wrapping around his neck as he gave you the time of your life.

He felt your pussy tighten around him, he knew you were close. He rubbed tight circles on your clit, he was dedicated to making you cum on his cock.

It took one more thrust and you were crying, screaming your husband's name. And not long after, he took it out and thick ropes of his cum, shot all over your face. Your orgasms were so euphoric, you fell right asleep, laying there so prettily under him. He was so in love.

He got a warm cloth and cleaned you right up. He changed you into your favorite silk pajamas, and cuddled you right to sleep. 

The next morning, you woke up with Nanami's arms tightly wrapped around you, the sound of soft breathing in your ear. Then all of a sudden, memories from last night flooded in your mind. Your face heating up, butterflies in your stomach, you couldn't contain yourself from not smiling! How could you?

Not long after you woke up, Nanami did as well.

"Good morning my princess," His voice was so deep in the morning, that beautiful smile he loves spread right across your lips. You kissed him all over, admiring the smile that laid upon his face too. You were happy, he was happy, life was just so great for you.

"Good morning handsome," you giggled through the sentence

"How about we make breakfast together? Been a while since we've done that, sweetheart."

"We can do anything, as long as I'm close to you, Kento."

[anothershittydiaryblog]

I tried

So... I did try to talk to my doctor about medically transitioning. I feel like that's a big thing for a lot of people. I even wrote down notes of the things I wanted to address.

Breast reduction/ Full mastectomy: I had this whole spiel ready about how the size of my breast were causing a lot of pain and discomfort. How much my back hurts and the skin irritation underneath them was nearly unbearable... also how I have a family history of cancer especially breast cancer. At the end I was even going to throw in how having large breast that I couldn't hide in my clothes makes me feel uncomfortable and dysphoric. Add a little GenQueer spice at the end.

Getting on T: At this point I was going to go full send on the Transgender conversation. I've always wanted a deeper voice and a more "masculine" features (broad shoulders and bigger muscles, a more square face shape) I even knew that I wanted to be on a 0.1-0.3 ML weekly dose of testosterone cypionate injections. (Another embarrassing story: When I was a kid I dreamed I'd be 6 feet tall like my dad, brother and granddad. I marked a line on a door frame at about 5'10". Then one day in 5th grade my doctor told me I was done growing I cried because I was only 5'3". My mother tried to give me hope by saying that when she was pregnant with me she grew about an inch taller. Even then I knew I didn't want kids so I gave up on my dream of being tall. T_T).

Permanent Sterilization options: I've always known I didn't kids. Being the oldest sibling gave me lots of opportunities to play parent. Also my entire life the idea of using my body to grow a child felt foreign to me. I knew I was physically capable because I paid enough attention in biology and sex ed to know what parts I had and how they related to the parts of some of my peers but, childbearing as a concept sounded more an illness or cancer that as a black person has a lower than average survivability rate anyways. Why would I want to nurture some tumor in my uterus until it decides to leave in the most painful destructive way possible... I'd rather fill out the paperwork to adopt. I also find it disturbing that I'm expected to let my body prep for this tumor once a month until I decide to nurture one.... I don't think I'd say AAALL that to my doctor but something close...

Even with all that preparation I never told anyone what my appointment was for. My situationship in Seattle (Now to be referred to as Sunshine) thought I was going for anxiety meds. My mom thought it was for my annual check up. I only told my ex-bf (of all people) why I was going. There were weeks in between me making the appointment and actually going to the doctor so I was so anxious about telling my doctor all of these things. I was too scared to come out to my friends and thought I had the bravery to tell a man I only see once a year that I don't want my tits anymore.

Well when the time came for me to go, the universe had to fuck me in the special way that it does, my car didn't start. I tuned the key once, heard nothing and got an Uber with the last of my money... I call the doctors office and they warn me that if I'm more than 10 minutes late to check in then I would have to reschedule but it wouldn't hurt to try. I walk through the the door and rush to the kiosk and lo and behold 11 minutes late... I gave up and cried. I cried the same tears that I cried when my doctor told me I was done growing.

Stranded at my doctors office and too embarrassed to explain to my roommate why I was so upset I called my ex for a ride. He took me to a movie to lift my spirits and confuse me emotionally. Then dropped me off at home...

I still haven't rescheduled that doctors appointment.

[crystalcow]

𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡//𝐷𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑

Main Masterlist // dreams child ml

THE EGG

Badboyhalo x reader !p !child reader

Pronouns used: they/them

Warnings: Egg, manipulation, capture, choking, soothing

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The teenager shivered as they layer down onto the cold quartz floor. The cold breeze echoing through the the empty house. Abandoned for months since Bad and skeppy disappeared.

“Such a shitty place, even pogtopia was warmer then this.” They muttered resting their head against their arm. A little red vine creeped about the room, slithering around their leg. They screamed as more started growing out of it, encasing and paralyzing them.

“What the fuck!” They shouted screaming for help, as if anyone would save them. The teenager continued to shout and cry for help, the vines reaching to their neck keeping them in a choke hold.

The red chemical like substance grew stronger and stronger as they struggled against it. It was getting harder to breathe, barley able to get any oxygen they finally passed out. The whole house, corrupted with the same substance. Every wall and floor, like an over grown farm.

Vines hung from the ceiling and washed through the windows, spongey red grass and magma on the floors. As if the nether were slowly making its way through into the over world, the portal shattering including the balance of keeping the two apart.

Their senses tho knocked out still felt someone carefully picking up the teenager. Little binds of red vines following the creature behind. A white cloak dawned upon the creatures head, covering their face and the small horns which had sprouted.

“You should know better muffin.. Never stay somewhere without permission.”

✦͙͙͙*͙*❥⃝∗⁎.ʚɞ.⁎∗❥⃝**͙✦͙͙͙

Later they had awaken in a strange room, smells of fire and rotten flesh, chemicals fogged the teenagers head. The feeling as they were laid down near a source of heat, like boiling solidified lava.

“Magma cubes.. Where am I, the nether?” They asked themselves taking a look around the area. Coughing from the previous lack of air, a possible crimson forest? But no.. The walls were made of stone, the same red vines from earlier hanging out of the ceiling along with holding them captive.

The most wonderous thing in the room had caught their eye tho.. A red egg like thing sat corner of the room. Surrounded by shroom lights and a protection of some sorts.

“The kid you brought ins awake. Now don’t bother me..” A familiar voice rung through the room, “Skeppy?” They asked their voice drained and sore from shouting. “Oh there you are muffin! Finally you’re awake, took you long enough.”

A figure approached them, looking similar to an old friend. “Bad! Please help me.” They begged feeling like a small child again, crying when they touched the baked goods before they could cool. Except now, years have passed and everyone and everything’s different.

The demoniod looked nothing like himself, the comforting eyes and warm welcoming touch now gone. A white cloak replaced the red, his eyes as well. The small coos now bringing a shiver down their spine.

“Bad?” They whimpered feeling faint and weak, malnourished from the days without food. A small shortage and a mysterious compromise of the farms, only subsiding from those with meat and storage.

“Shh, your safe.. The egg won’t hurt you, I won’t let it.” Tears formed in the brim of their eyes, “I don’t want to be here.” Their voice felt small, the egg in the corner of the room staring at them like a temptation.

It was like a taunt, betting for them to try. It knows they can’t win, not against the egg. None of them can. Even if they manage to resist the eggs control, somehow find a way to keep it out of their head. The egg will always win, one way or another!

Bad carefully helped them stand up, keeping a harsh grasp onto their arm taking advantage of their current weakness. He walked the both of them to stand in front of the thing, turning their head forcing them to stare at the object. Wincing at the demoniods grip, a little ping making the hold looser.

“Sorry muffin! I don’t know my own strength sometimes.” He giggled, small whispers from the egg. It muttered something in an in incoherent language which Y/n couldn’t understand.

“What do you mean, no you can’t!” Bad started yelling, the teenager looking at him in confusion fear plastered in their eyes. No wars or deaths could compare to the ideal of this certain situation. The man they had once looked up to, the one who taught them everything there was to know growing up. How to make friends, baking, kindness..

All of that now gone, left and thrown aside. Now the one who stands in his place, a corrupted monster. Full of disgrace compared to the hero he used to be.

And Skeppy.. Skeppy Skeppy Skeppy. The diamond that pranked around everyone in the server, never failing to make one smile or laugh. Him and Bads squabbles as if they were an old married couple, the one who never failed to say ‘Everything will be okay’

What a man he’s become, standing ontop of the egg, not even batting an eye at bad nor the teenager. “Fine.. if that’s what you desire.”

Bad shot them an aplogetic smile, their senses boosting up. “I’m not ready to die..” They begged running as fasts as they could, thinner then before weak and down.

Finally they escaped to see the air, yet have they really? Now they’re just another on the eggs list.. of enemy’s

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@creatorofstars @georgenctfound @samistheidiot @smolbox-png @ghostlysenses @stellarinstigator

PLEASE this is probably one of the most intense things I’ve written in a good while. Probably my favorite out of the series too.

As always! Ask or request anything and ask if you want to be on a tag list.

[male-reader-requests]

Dog Days Pt. 2

Pairings: Mirio Togata x Male!Reader

Word Count: 1,893

Warnings: Second installment! Slightly angsty I guess, I could not remember for the life of me where I was going with this considering it's been 2 months but you know, is what it is. It does have a very small bit of potential sexual harassment, so that's a warning there, but nothing actually happens!

-

Midoriya felt horrible. 

Mirio was still in the middle of his fight, fighting pretty playfully to tire out Tenya, but the green-haired male was hoping for him to finish faster. 

He'd been talking to himself, normal, and it had been about (M/N). Said male had gotten curious and came over to question him and Midoriya had freaked out. 

Really he hadn't meant to! He'd been so absorbed into his own world that he hadn't noticed that (M/N) had gotten so close until he'd tugged at his uniform!

Midoriya was still on the floor, laying down this time as he looked at the ceiling as if it was the thing causing all his problems. He had wanted to talk to (M/N), to understand his quirk a bit better, and get to know the tall male. (M/N) was dating Mirio, and Midoriya loved Mirio like a brother so he wanted to know his significant other. Then he'd gone and fucked up. 

Tilting his head a bit Midoriya could see that (M/N) was sitting in the corner of the room, relaxed against the wall with one knee propped up. He looked quite calm actually, but he was glaring harshly at the floor.

Midoriya had struggled with himself enough to recognize that (M/N) was beating himself up mentally, that he was replaying the encounter over and over again to see what he'd done wrong and could have done better, but there was nothing.

(M/N) had done nothing wrong, Midoriya was just jumpy and had reacted badly. 

Midoriya felt horrible and knew he should approach the other male and apologize, but he couldn't find the strength to drag himself up. What if (M/N) reacted badly to Midoriya approaching him? What if he didn't accept the apology and was pissed? Was he pissed?

Midoriya was working himself up, mumbling again. But before his own mumbling could get too loud he noticed someone else was mumbling. Not very many people had a habit like that in the class. Confused he looked over (M/N) to see if it was him, but he was just sitting against the wall with his chin against his chest, mouth and nose buried in his jacket collar.

Midoriya looked around a bit more, going from person to person only to find nothing. Confused he sat up, trying to get a better angle of everything, and this time he found purple in the form of Mineta. He was partially in the shadows, this stupid grin resting on his face, a stupid grin that Midoriya, unfortunately, knew very well.

The girls could all take care of themselves, Mineta was more or less just annoying, and the guys had all given up trying to reprimand him. Well, Tenya still tried but that was just part of his personality.

Mineta was currently eyeing up Jirou, who was still quite out of it due to (M/N)'s venom. It was of no surprise really that Mineta would go after her. (M/N) had explained to all of them beforehand that his venom in the small dose he used would make them sleepy and pliant, having a fuzzy memory of everything after it had worn off. So it was no surprise that Mineta was going after the one girl that wouldn't remember it very well. 

Midoriya moved to stand up, but out of the corner of his eyes he saw that (M/N) was slowly getting up. The tall male was leaning against the wall still, but he had his feet under him so he was crouched down, his eyes still closed. As Midoriya looked at him in curiosity he watched as those red eyes moved about, tracking something.

Belatedly he realized the taller male was tracking Mineta who had his back turned to (M/N). His face was against the wall, he looked relaxed, but Midoriya knew the signs of tensing muscles. 

He was moving slowly to stand up, close to the wall in a way you could only ever expect of a spider. 

Once he stood up completely (M/N) was terrifying. He was taller than everyone else in the class, and while only being dressed in jeans and a hoodie he looked almost like a villain. Is that why he'd freaked out earlier?

(M/N)'s hands were trailing on the wall as he walked forward, silent as a free hand stuffed into his hoodie pocket pulled out the gun he used for his venom. 

(M/M) was an all-over fighter, he could do short-range or long-range, but with long-range he couldn't use his venom which could incapacitate someone with one hit. With that in mind, the support class had made him a little gun he could load with his venom to use so he could inject it in a better way.

Midoriya looked around, looking to see if anyone else had noticed but everyone was watching Mirio and Tenya fight. He watched as (M/N) pulled the little vile that held the venom out, holding it against elongated canine teeth the collect the venom much like people do with snakes. 

It only took a second or two for the vile to fill up, for (M/N) to be standing right behind Mineta.

He crouched down, still towering over the purple male, but Mineta finally seemed to realize something was wrong. Midoriya watched as he shakily looked up, meeting a mass of red and (E/C) eyes looking down at him.

Mineta tried to scream, (M/N) clamping a hand over his mouth with a light shushing sound.

Midoriya looked around again, but everyone was ignoring what was happening. He seemed to be the only one who had noticed, the only one close enough to hear the two of them.

Two of (M/N)'s hands come out into Mineta's sight, one holding the gun, the other holding the vile. 

"You know what's in this?" he whispered, shaking the little vile of (F/C) venom. Mineta nodded erratically, trying to squirm out of (M/N)'s grip but was unable to move. 

"Then you know what would happen if I injected more than I should, right?" Mineta nodded again, tears almost coming to his eyes.

Midoriya went back to earlier this afternoon again, to when (M/N) had been explaining his abilities. His venom was always a set amount, half an ML mixed with some solution to be injected via needle darts from his gun. It caused exhaustion basically, zapping anyone hit of their energy.

He'd told them that he would only use more if absolutely necessary, mostly due to Bakugo saying he was more resilient than the rest of them, but had proceeded to tell them what would happen if he used more.

It was still safe between 1 and 3 ML, depending on the persons size and their health records, but once you got past that it got dangerous. He had a Neurotoxic Venom, the kind that was used to paralyze prey in actual spiders. 

He had explained that the general dose, besides the memory haze, would cause muscle spasms, cramps, twitching, sweating, drooling, and gooseflesh. As the dose got larger it would start to cause painful abdominal cramps, strange sensations, unstable blood pressure, and severe pain in the limbs.

Then, with a blush that rivaled Mina's hair, he had said in rare cases it could cause damage to Autonomic effects, such as temperature control, digestion, bladder control, and unfortunately sexual function. Basically, if he gave a bigger dose than safe he could cause any of the males to get a painful erection. He'd sighed after that, filling a little vile with his venom to show them all the color of it so they'd recognize it. 

Coming back to himself Midoriya's eyes focused again, looking to (M/N) and Mineta who had been talking softly. Or (M/N) had been talking with Mineta nodding along the best he could. 

(M/N) pulled back after a second or two of silence, putting the gun back in his pocket but keeping a firm hand over Mineta's mouth.

"Now I suggest you find a new hobby or you'll end up confused and dazed, not having any memory of the next 12 hours," (M/N) smiled lightly, head tilting a bit to the side, "You understand, right?"

Mineta nodded aggressively again, (M/N) smile getting larger before patting him on the back, standing up, and moving away from him. Midoriya watched Mineta for a second or two more before looking back to (M/N), flinching when he locked eyes with him.

(M/N) was just standing there, partially in the shadows staring at him. It was horrifying.

"(M/N)!" a voice called out, Mirio coming into the room with a shining smile.

Immediately all of the murderous intent left (M/N)'s system, a soft smile so different from the one a few minutes ago coming to his face. He looked exhausted, he had before but now even more so. 

Mirio came over, talking excitedly and waving his hands around, gently elbowing the taller male in the ribs as he laughed at something. (M/N) didn't say anything, just smiled and nodded, ruffling blond hair when he had to leave for his next fight.

Mirio's smile fell once (M/N) was out on the field, turning to look at Midoriya instead of his boyfriend through the glass.

"What happened?" he asked, face void of the happiness it had shown with seconds before. Now he just looked concerned, confused and concerned.

"I don't really know," Midoriya started, rubbing at the back of his neck as he looked at the ground. "I'd gotten lost in thought so he'd startled me when he tugged on my shirt and then he scared Mineta when he was creeping on Jirou.

Mirio sighed, looking back to the glass that protected them from the fight happening below. (M/N) was fighting Mina, the pink girl easy to spot against the mass of rubble around them. She was laughing, struggling to breath as she slapped her thighs. Mirio smiled lightly at that, (M/N) had said some dumb joke in order to distract her. Partial for the fight and partial for himself.

"Yeah that's (M/N)," he chuckled softly, watching as the young girl fell over, laughing so much she was crying with (M/N) frantically crouched over her, clearing panicking as if he'd done something wrong. "He's always nice to everyone, easily excitable but he's also pretty awkward."

Mirio then let out a slightly forced laugh, rubbing at the back of his neck. "He's also always been someone who acts, so if Mineta was being a creap then I can't really blame (M/N)." 

Midoriya nodded, watching as Mina struggled to get up, (M/N) helping her the best he could with their height difference.

Maybe he'd just caught (M/N) on a bad day? Hopefully, they could be friends, or at least get along.

[youresog0lden]

Forever and Never || S.R

WC: 1K 

Summary: You’re home and alive. But Spencer isn’t happy. 

Warnings: Cursing, drug use, mentions of drug use, and mentions of dying. Let me know if I missed anything

Series MASTERLIST

NORMAL ML 

25 DAYS OF SPENCER ML

~Day 6 of 25 days of Spencer ~

“She’s alive.” I yell. 

“Listen this is not how I wanted to tell you guys.” 

“How you wanted to tell us!” 

“Y/N’s alive. She never died.” 

“Yes and she will be here soon. Jackson is trying to find her. She went into hiding after that night she had too. We couldn't keep her safe. Please if you want to be mad at anyone be mad at me. Not her, this wasn’t her choice.” was all Hotch said before walking out. 

“She’s alive.” I repeated. Everyone looks at me, JJ rubbing my arm. 

“How could she do this to us.” I asked at that moment I heard footsteps stop behind me. 

“I didn’t have a choice.” her voice repeated in my head time after time. Everyone just stared at her but I couldn’t even turn around. I hear the sounds of crying. 

“I am so sorry guys. I didn’t have a choice.” she cried. At that point Pen looked at her in awe and walked over and hugged her as tightly as she could then Emily, JJ, Rossi, and Derek. I finally turned around to look at her. She was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. Her hair was now a black color and she looked a lot thinner than when I saw her last. She kept repeating that she was sorry. I don’t say anything to her. I just mumble a quick ‘I can’t do this’ Brushing past her I walk off. I grab my bag and walk to the elevators. I get in and press the button riding down to the parking lot. I plop down into my car and look around. 

“Come on where is it?” 

“Where is it.” I start to get frustrated before finding the bottle of clear liquid. I stop for a second. Don’t do this. Spencer it’s not worth it. I could hear Jolie's voice telling me not to. But I just didn’t think after that. I pulled the needle out of the bottle and put it in my arm. I could feel it coursing through my veins. Numbing everything. Everything around me feels faded. After a while of sitting in my car I pick up my phone before dialing her number. 

“Hello. Spencer?” 

“Don’t be mad.” I said

“Spence, why would I be mad?” 

“I couldn’t help it.” I cried 

“She was here and I just needed to clear my mind.” I cried harder. 

“Spencer, what did you do.” I could hear the anger in her voice. 

“I-I- I used again.” my voice cracked. 

“Spence, where are you.” 

“The parking garage.”

“I’m on my way.” Not much longer was Jolie standing there helping me out my car and into hers. 

“Spence. I thought we talked about this. If you ever felt the need to use it again you would come to me.” I rolled my eyes. 

“I didn't come to you because I didn’t want to hear this conversation.” 

“Well what do you expect. You’re using again.” 

“Stop.” 

“You are not in a place to tell me how or what I should be doing with my life. The only other girl I’ve ever loved died then came back to life and you expect me to fucking be okay with it.” I snapped. 

“No but you shouldn’t have used drugs as your coping mechanism.” 

“Holy shit. I wouldn’t have called you if you were going to be like this. Please stop the car.” 

“No.” 

“Jolie stop the goddamn car. Now.” my voice rang in aggression. She stopped the car as I got out quickly walking the opposite way of her car. I walk until my mind is free. 

-- 

“Good morning everyone. Today will be a paperwork day.” I heard Hotch call out. 

“Y/N, can I see you in my office.” she nods before looking around and walking up to the office. I look over at everyone. 

“How ya holdin’ up.” Derek looks at me. 

“I’m fine.” I don’t say anything else, I just continue to write. Before anyone knew Y/N was walking out of Hotch’s office. Her face blank. I watch her slowly make her way over to me. 

“Spence-” I cut her off. 

“Spencer.” I corrected it. 

“Spencer, please can we go somewhere and talk.” I sigh before getting up and walking to an empty office. Her closely following.

“What.” I sat on the table.

“I-I I just wanted to say-” 

“What that you’re sorry?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well sorry isn’t going to cut it.” 

“I- I know that Spencer but you have to believe me if I could’ve told you I would have.” she said. 

“Do you expect me to forgive you, because if that’s why we came in here then I’m leaving.” I put my hand on the knob getting ready to turn it, but she grabs my hands stopping me. For a second I let it stay there before ripping it away.

“Listen I know how you’re feeling.” 

“NO. You don’t know how I am feeling. I went four years without you. I loved you so much and you didn’t have the decency to tell me you 're alive. I spend days crying, hell year's crying over you.” 

“I couldn’t tell you.” 

“YOU couldn't. So what makes everything so special now. Why are you back.” I spat

“Because Hotch thinks he found Jackson and we’re going to try and get him.” 

“Spencer you weren’t the only one who had to face losing someone. You had to face losing one person. I lost my whole family.” 

“Oh, that’s bullshit Y/N. Do you even think about how much it could hurt someone to lose the only person you’ve ever loved. No. Did you not think we’d be able to help you so you went into hiding? Honestly Y/N cut the crap.” I blew out. 

“You may not be dead now, but you sure as hell are dead to me.” I forced out. She didn’t say anything, she just released a few tears. I didn’t say anything either I just opened the door and walked out leaving her all alone in the room and letting everyone’s imagination of what happened.

SERIES TAG LIST: @iathenaxx @mcntsee @bawaajigan-blog ? @lovelyspencerreid @enchantedcruelsummer @tclaerh @mggsprettygirl @confused-and-really-hungry @dracofxckingluciusmalfoy @goobies 

25 DAYS OF SPENCER TAGLIST: @all-time-fanatic​

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THIS means your username wouldn’t work !! 

AS ALWAYS PLEASE MESSAGE ME OR SEND ME AN ASK TO BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST LOVE YALL !! 

[lululawrence]

Can you recomend any kidfic’s? Particularly where one of them already has a child! Thank you!

hello my dear nonnie! you know what’s funny about kid fic like this? i don’t usually seek them out, but i’m not against them either, and i’m so glad because i’ve read some really amazing ones. since you didn’t specify pairing, i hope you don’t mind but i’m including other pairings here too (mostly because some of my very favorite kid fics ever were actually tomlinshaw hehe).

so here we go! these are some fics i’ve loved where one of the protagonists has a kid :D hopefully there’s some on here you’ve not read before and you find some new fics to love! 

as always, please show your thanks to the authors with kudos and nice comments!

come on over, we've got something to share by @jaerie - A/B/O fic featuring omega harry and alpha louis. they’re neighbors and both have kids, and it’s so hot but it’s also got such a lovely deeper layer to it as well. i love this fic very much a lot!

Down From the North by @chelsea-frew - this is SUCH a lovely christmas fic! harry and louis have been dating for long enough that louis is ready to introduce harry to his daughter, but when they’re introduced it turns out his daughter has already met harry. it’s just SOOOO cute the way it all unrolls. hehe

try to not remember (rather than forget) by @hereforlou - ANGST TRAIN! established relationship fic where harry has been in a coma for YEARS. ACTUAL. YEARS. so when he wakes up there’s a lot of catching up to do.............. including meeting their child. TEARS MY FRIENDS. this fic was incredible. so anyway. get ready for pain, but you’ll like it ;)

He Was a Different League (When I Was Nothing Much) by @afangirlfantasy - i just really love crying over kid fics, okay? lollllll this one is one of those where they knew each other when they were younger, lost touch, and then reconnect when they’re older, right? but add in marcel and single father louis and oh gosh. so many tears. like when i reread my comment i kinda laughed, because apparently i ran out of tissues and made my poor husband get me a new box so i could keep reading and crying lollllll so anyway. a great fic, highly recommend, once again get ready for pain. lol

Eye of the Zebra by @sadaveniren - lmaoooo listen, this fic was written for @wordplayfics and the prompt was zebra, and then sada went and found a hilarious tumblr post to base the fic off of and i about died. this fic is actually from the pov of the child, and it’s GREAT. 100% recommend. lol

Liminal by @thousandbelow - okay listen. if you have never read anything by kodi, you’re missing out. she has such a way of creating a very specific feel and atmosphere to her fics. truly, it’s a gift, and this fic throws you entirely into louis’ world. it’s incredible and the story is amazing and hard to read in some ways and it’s just. wonderful.

Face Your Fears by @sadaveniren - SINGLE FATHER AND SECRET OMEGA HARRY!!! during his very first heat he was mated by an alpha who wasn’t there when he came to and he had twins. THE WORLD BUILDING! THE LIFE HE BUILT FOR HIMSELF! THE WAY HE MEETS LOUIS AND THINGS COME TOGETHER!!!!!! gahhhhhhhh and listen, these kids are SO REAL. i love it.

happiness hits like a train on a track by leighbot - tomlinshaw fic! tbh i went to scan the fic to be sure i was thinking of the right fic and then accidentally spent 20 minutes reading and had to cut myself off so i could finish this lmaooooo SO ANYWAY single father louis moves in next door to liam and harry, who do as many happy couples do and try setting louis up on dates so he can find his happily ever after like they have lmaooooo it clearyl doesn’t work, but then one night his daughter gets sick and duh duh duhhh! doctor nick to the rescue! the humor, the banter, the rhythm of this fic is all incredible and obvs sucks you in lol i love it 

Come and Get Your Love by @rsadelle​ - another tomlinshaw! this is a five times fic and both nick and louis are fathers and it’s so wonderful. the fic revolves around them taking their kids to each other’s houses for play dates and such, but there’s also little interludes and there’s history you want to learn and you slowly put things together and i just... oh gosh i loved the feel of this fic so much. every single character in this made me wanna be part of their friend group lol

i've a feeling it's time to try (love it if we made it) by serenityandtea - I LOOOOOVE THIS FIC SO VERY MUCH SO SO SO MUCH SO VERY INCREDIBLY MUUUUUCH. i just... deep breaths. yeah. okay. tomlinshaw! yoga instructor and single parent louis! nick basically stumbles into a class of louis’ and of course has to go back. lol it’s famous/non-famous, there’s so much DEPTH to SO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS. i just. fuck. i love it in a lot of different ways and it is truly one of my very favorite kid fics EVER.

Things There Might Be Pictures Of series by @andyouknowitis - established relationship, featuring george shelley as harry and louis’ kid! listen, lj has the most amazing writing, they build these incredible worlds for us and the detail, the intricacies involved in this series! it’s just mindblowing. gorgeous. wonderful. there’s such truth in the snippets we are able to have here, and i love them.

This is Halloween, everybody make a scene by @allwaswell16​ - i STILL giggle when i think of this fic and i read it almost three years ago now, okay? this one sticks with you. it is short and sweet and just a total nightmare for a parent, but also such fun lololol you just really have to read it if you haven’t cause it’s a gem

Home for Christmas by @haloeverlasting​ - HALLMARK CHRISTMAS AU KID FIC! truly it’s amazing. harry didn’t think he wanted kids but then he wakes up! and he’s got a husband and kids! hahaha oh gosh this fic has such feeling and i legit have built it up so much in my mind that i truly thought it had so many more hits than it does?? how?? does it not have more love? anyway. i love this fic very much, it is so soft and lovely and i adore.

Packed Lunches, Sticky Fingers and Accidental Levitation by @londonfoginacup - this fic made me cry... but not because it’s sad? lollll okay so it’s witch harry who has an entire house full of kids and all the chaos that brings. he does it all himself and is not doing a great job at staying on top of everything. he really needs help, and fae zayn finally makes a decision for him and sends louis. and listen. louis does so much for harry that i as a parent who have felt very much the same way that harry did, i cried. lollll but anyway, it is such a lovely and soft and beautiful fic AND THE SEQUEL!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!! so anyway. an absolute fav of mine, right here, and that’s saying something cause emmu is one of my fav writers.

Took Me by Surprise by @becomeawendybird - listen. famous/famous, secret relationship kid fic? you hear what i’m saying?? louis was making a name for himself in the world of MLS when he got injured so he’s now a big name commentator and he has this sassy daughter who is in love with singer harry styles, so naturally things happen, right? gosh I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH. i’m just sitting here remembering everything i love about it, and i can’t name it all, so please read it.

[touchmycoat]

BOOK RECS BOOK RECS

I've read 3 (and a half) books by this author (Bai Lu Cheng Shuang) now and I'm in LOVE. They seem to be consistently concerned with the question of how love can exist between men and women when society loads them with such systemic power imbalances. The female leads are all charming as hell and super distinctive, and BLCS has this way of concretizing exactly what love is. You get tons of hijinks and shenanigans and sarcastic mental monologues, but in the middle of all that, you also get relationships broken down in realistic, down-to-earth terms. Showing your shitty husband loyalty and apparent love? It's how you keep your ass out of the line of fire, whether or not he actually likes you, duh. Not getting jealous when he shows affection to other women? Why get jealous of insubstantial promises when you can get that dough, or food and shelter. Find out what he needs done and do it for him—make yourself useful and you get leverage. The author sees the problems of patriarchy and finesses the fuck out of them—plays men at their own game until the women walk out with both the monetizable goods and the emotional goods lmfao.

Can't stop won't stop recommending this. Modern woman transmigrates into a novel's minor villainness and sets out to make the main male lead fall in love with her so she can go home and get her end-of-year bonus already. Ji Man makes me heart-horny, I've already raved about it. I'm honestly about to reread it literally in this moment. BLCS is all about practical love—yeah, you can get doki doki about some person, but that's going to go. After it fades, have you learned how to manage that relationship? Do you understand that staying in love is work? Ji Man is so damn SMART, and i love scorpios ;;

I...would actually love to translate this novel because talk about my cup of tea! Widely-hated princess is executed for her sins by the Prime Minister, only she transmigrates into another young lady's body and sets out to clean out all the corrupt politicians and get revenge on the people who got her killed—who of course is the male lead. MC serves mushy nonsense and sex jokes like nobody's business, but it's all an act to keep her by the ML's side. The ML's ADORABLE jesus christ, very Lan Wangji-energy. I lovelovelove Ning Yuxuan from Spring Boudoir, but Jiang Xuanjin pushes all my OTHER buttons. Li Huaiyu is sexy and cute and has a following of men for good reasons. I cried for her when shit started going down, and this novel has one of my favorite slow burn > whump > misunderstandings > ignition progressions in the world.

the book i literally just finished today and spent oh, two hours dripping tears and snot for? Tentative title translation: The World for a Peach Blossom. A Zhao Country princess is to be married to the Southern King (an honorary title for a son of the Emperor) of Wei Country, but on the way, she stumbles into the Wei Prime Minister's plot to kill her for political power. The author writes something like "Shen Zaiye has a hundred ways to get Jiang Taohua killed and Jiang Taohua has a hundred and one ways to convince him not to." Bastard meets bastard, and the political shenanigans are FIERCE. BLCS writes such intricate plot lines that exemplify "the personal is political" fnjdjfndjnf harem women and their relationships and infighting can both dictate and be dictated by the greater "men's world" of politics. The title really says it all—the MC's name is literally peach blossom, and the tug-of-war at the heart of this novel is, when two bastards fighting for the good of their countries meet and fall in love, which will they sacrifice, their love or their countries?

(okay this one was not an easy read though, i'll be real the ML rapes the MC in the very first chapter and while she takes it pretty calmly, it's...a hell of a way to start a relationship. the ending had me fucking bawling for chapters and chapters though, in a good way.)

I'm putting this last 'cause i'll be real i didn't finish it. I picked it up because of the premise: modern woman transmigrates into the Prime Minister of an ancient kingdom who is a major pain in the Emperor's butt. She thinks the PM is a guy, but turns out he's a woman in disguise. Both the Emperor and the Emperor's bff go gay for her, except the Emperor figures out she's a woman first and they fuck about it. It's interesting and funny, and the MC has the charm of Shang Qinghua from Scum Villain—clever enough and good with words, but very much a coward at heart. Emperor's gruff and tough dude who does NOT know he comes off so grumpy. Reasons I put it down...neither the MC nor ML are as clever as the leads in the other novels. The plot lines and pacing also felt kind of sophomoric compared to her other works—the emotional payoffs really weren't all that there for me.

[writemywaytoyourheart]

Onsra- Chapter 34: Betrayal 

banner created by: @envity ♥️

pairing: vampire!jungkook x female reader (also vamp!tae x ga-in oc & vamp!jimin x yuri oc)

genre: E2L, romance, horror, angst, drama

warnings for this chapter: mentions of blood, lots of confused and pained Koo and y/n, a bit of fluff, there’s an I love lucy quite thrown in and I’ll luv u five-ever if you say what it was, panic attacks and kook being an ass but we love him. basically, pls don’t come for me after this 

word count: 9.1k

Onsra: ML, Previous

Welp. It seems we've reached this point in Onsra. pls forgive me. ____________________________________

“Jeon Jungkook. Get your butt over here right now.”

Jungkook looks up at the sound of your voice. He’s been sitting in the shade of the willow tree for what seems like hours now. He didn’t see you follow him, and the tone of your voice surprises him.

“What is it, y/n?” He ignores your order to come to you, keeping himself planted on the ground as he watches you, a blank look on his face.

You feel your heart clench in your chest, but you know if you soften then he’ll only ignore you like he’s been doing for the past two days. You know something happened that night you found him during one of his panic attacks, but he won’t open up to you. 

So, you keep your head up and don’t let yourself crumple into a ball of tears like you want to. “I told you to come here.” You say, trying not to let your voice shake. Jungkook rolls his eyes but stands up and moves closer to you, stopping a few feet away.

“Kook…please don’t shut me out.”

“I’m not.”

“You are…just talk to me, please.” The desperation in your voice makes his throat close, but he swallows and runs a hand through his hair to keep himself calm.

“I told you I’m not shutting you out, why can’t you just stop?” He grumbles, making your heart ache.

“Because I care about you and I want to know what’s upsetting you.” You sigh in exasperation. Jungkook just scoffs and looks away, paining you further.

“Jungkook! Look at me.”

“Why?!” His voice raises, making you flinch as he turns to glare at you. Something snaps in you at his next words. “There! I’m looking at you! Are you fucking happy now?? What the hell do you want?!”

Your heart drops to your stomach as you feel a tear roll down your cheek. You quickly wipe it away, not wanting to look weak in front of him. Then you swallow and try to regain your composure. But Jungkook isn’t finished.

“Just go and run back to Seokjin hyung, cry to him and let him comfort you! He’s always been your favorite anyway!” He isn’t thinking clearly now, his mouth is running away from him even as his mind urges him to shut the fuck up and think.

When his outburst is met with silence, Jungkook knows he fucked up. His chest tightens as he watches you staring at the ground, your bottom lip quivering ever so slightly.

Fuck.

Fucking dumbass.

Why did I say that?

I didn’t mean it.

“All I wanted was for the boy I love to tell me why he’s hurting…do you not love me anymore, Kook?” Your small voice is steady but quiet.

Jungkook feels his stomach lurch at your words and he steps forward, “Y/n, i-it isn’t like that.” His voice is soft and almost timid as he inches closer, his hands out to touch you.

You step away, “I can’t understand you anymore, Jungkook. I get that something happened, and you’re upset. But all I wanted to know was how to help you. If you didn’t want my help you could have said you were upset but wanted to be alone. Instead, you ignored me for two whole days and now you’re insulting me.”

Jungkook tries to reply but you cut him off.

“I’m going home. I think you need to think to yourself and decide what it is you really want, Jungkook. Don’t apologize to me if you don’t mean it. I might not like confrontation, but I know that I don’t deserve to keep being treated like this.” Your voice isn’t shaking at all anymore.

Jungkook bites his bottom lip harshly, beating himself up over acting like such an ass. He knows you’re right, and he wants to say sorry. But he can’t make himself say it. It’s like the words are stuck in his throat. So, he stays silent as you sniffle and pull yourself together.

“Feel free to talk to me about whatever is going on with you once you’ve decided to act like an adult. I need a little bit of time to myself, too…bye, Jungkook.”

You turn and walk away, holding in all the tears that are threatening to spill. You aren’t going to let them come until you’re somewhere where no one can see them.

The young vampire watches you walk away, until he can no longer see you. He looks down and starts to mess with his fingers, not knowing what to do anymore.

Well, you fucked that up pretty good.

“I know.” Jungkook whispers.

Ah, not cussing me out anymore?

Jungkook stays quiet, not having enough strength to fight back, and honestly, not even caring to.

Still not agree with me on how sweet she’d be?

Jungkook walks back to the tree and sits on the ground where he was before you came to speak with him.

It’s a pity really, you’re such a waste of a vampire.

“I was a waste of a human too.” Jungkook mutters, still messing with his nails.

Guess you don’t really belong anywhere.

“Guess not.”

You’re no fun anymore. The voice has a taunting pout to it.

“Hm.” Jungkook bites his nail, his eyes drifting around and looking at the trees surrounding him. His gaze lands on a patch of wild flowers and lingers for a moment.

Can’t believe she really thought you loved her to begin with.

“I do love her.”

You can’t love her, dumbass.

Jungkook sighs and rests his head against the trunk of the willow, closing his eyes and running his hands through his hair.

You’re a fucking vampire, idiot. Vampires don’t feel love.

“I’m not a real vampire.” Jungkook tries to keep his voice steady, but it quiets considerably anyway.

Might as well be. Besides, you’re not far off, you know.

“Whatever.” Jungkook keeps his eyes closed, breathing in and out through his nose to calm down.

You didn’t even try to apologize.

“Yup.”

Why is that?

“You know why.”

I want to hear you say it.

“Fuck off, asshole.”

Laughter rings out in his head as the voice struggles to keep its composure. Ah, there you are. Thought you had given up on me.

Jungkook hates the way he’s numb; he can’t make himself feel anything at this point. It scares him that the guilt he felt when he first snapped at you has now turned to a dull feeling, exactly like it used to be when he hurt someone.

He doesn’t care.

~                   ~                    ~

“W-where are you going?” You wipe your eyes as best you can as you question Hoseok, who’s just finished packing a small satchel.

He looks up, his bright smile turning to a frown at your red eyes and runny nose. “I volunteered to- Y/n, are you alright?” He straightens up and puts the satchel over his shoulders as he watches you in concern. You wipe your nose with the back of your hand and let out a small laugh. “I’m okay, just some allergies.”

He seems to buy that, his smile coming back as he sighs in relief. “Make sure you take some meds for that, allergies are terrible.” You nod and point at his bag again, changing the subject. “Where did you say you’re going?”

Hoseok looks down and pats the small satchel, “Ah! I’m going with Yoongi to do some scouting. Namjoon is going to stay home today, doing some ‘research’ he says.” Hoseok chuckles and you send him a smile. “Well, be safe please.”

“Oh, we will, don’t worry.”

Yoongi comes down the stairs with a backpack bouncing on his back. He gives you a quick pat on the shoulder and a few words, “Hey y/n, we’ll be back before dark. Would you mind making sure Seokjin hyung doesn’t over do it and hurt himself? He’s out back right now.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, we’ll see you later.” Yoongi and Hoseok wave to you before walking out the front door and leaving you to finish cleaning your face up before finding the eldest.

When you step out the backdoor, you see Jin sitting in a chair that was brought outside from the dining room. Sooyoung is sitting in a chair next to him and talking about something quietly while Jin smiles brightly.

You stop and watch the two of them for a minute, debating if you should just go back inside and not interrupt. But before you turn to go back in, you hear Jin calling you over.

“Y/n! I haven’t seen you all day. Wanna join us?”

Sooyoung is turned around in her chair and smiling shyly at you, not a trace of irritation that you messed up their talk on her face. You smile and walk over to join them.

When you sit on the grass in front of their chairs, Sooyoung is the first to speak.

“How are you, y/n? I haven’t seen you recently.”

That’s because I’ve been hiding in the forest when Jungkook ignores me.

“Oh, I’ve just been here and there. I don’t know.” You mumble.

Sooyoung doesn’t push it, but you see Seokjin frown out of the corner of your eye. So, you decide to change the subject. “So, uh, how are you Jin? Feeling alright?”

The eldest seems reluctant to move the conversation, but he brushes it off in a second and smiles. “Oh, I’m always fine. Even death can’t take me now.”

He laughs and claps his hands while you and Sooyoung laugh and shake your heads at his goofiness. You three talk a little before Sooyoung says she’s going to go and help Ga-In with dinner for tonight. You wave goodbye to her, and when you look back at Jin, you feel your stomach sink.

His brows are furrowed as he watches you carefully, a little frown etched into his handsome features. He pats the chair next to him, “Tell me what’s going on.”

You get up on your knees to shuffle over and climb onto the chair, keeping your eyes downcast.

“I don’t want to worry you.”

Jin sighs, “Y/n, I’m suddenly a human again for no reason that I understand, I got a knife to the stomach, and now I can’t do housework or cooking, which is harder for me than it looks. Nothing you say is going to phase me at this point, unless it’s that we’re being invaded by vamps or Hunters, which in that case, we’re doomed anyway so it doesn’t matter. What’s on your mind?”

You giggle a little at his rant, but still look at him doubtfully.

The only reason you start talking is because you realize that not sharing Jungkook’s behavior with Jin will most likely backfire on you and stress the oldest out even more when he eventually finds out.

“It’s Jungkook.”

“I thought it would be. What is he doing now?”

“I found him the other night, having a panic attack in the woods…he was covered in animal blood and screaming. I was able to calm him down, but since then he’s been ignoring me. Today, when I wanted to try again to let him tell me what’s wrong, he blew up at me. He’s acting like he did before, and I’m scared.”

You mess with your hands anxiously, glancing up at Jin when you finish your story. His gaze is a bit distant as he stares at the grass on the ground, worrying his bottom lip. Then he looks back at you and gives you a tiny and sad smile.

“I was worried about this for a while. It’s the human blood, I’m sure of it.” He bites his lips harder and looks away from you. “I’m so confused. I don’t understand why I’m a human when nothing happened to me like it did to Jimin and Taehyung. If I understood, maybe we could find a way to save Kook.”

You bite your own lip at that, wondering if maybe it’d be okay to tell Seokjin why he’s human, as long as the others don’t hear you. You’re not sure what Tae would say, but you know Jin won’t blab to everyone. But before you can speak up, Jin continues.

“We’re losing him…something slowed it down for a while, but something else must have caused it to continue.” He looks back at you, grief swimming in his eyes.

You clear your throat and speak before you can cry, “Tae and I think we figured out why you’re human again. But it doesn’t help us with Jungkook.” The hopelessness in your voice is crystal clear, and Jin swallows his own tears before they can fall.

“It won’t?”

The fact that Jin is making sure the reason he’s human again can’t help Jungkook, instead of jumping to know the answer to his own question about why he’s human, makes your heart ache at how truly selfless he is.

“Well, I don’t know…” You sigh, then you start to tell him everything. You tell him how you two figured out it wasn’t the kiss that changed them, but the fact that the girls said they loved them and meant it. That it isn’t necessary to have someone fall in love with you, if you prove your own humanity like Seokjin did, saving the man that tried to kill him.

Jin sits quietly, listening to every word you say, then he smiles sadly and takes your hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

“And you told Jungkook you love him, and really meant it…and he’s still a vampire.” He says slowly, watching your reaction. You nod and wipe your tears again, “Yeah, I guess I didn’t do enough.”

“Stop that.”

You look up at the tone in Jin’s voice.

“You are doing more than enough by just tolerating that boy.” Seokjin insists, making you laugh tearfully. “He’s not an easy one to be around, let alone fall in love with.”

You nod again because he does have a point.

“I don’t know what happened to him that night to make him act this way, but he can get through it. I know he can, and you know he can.” He gives your hand another encouraging squeeze.

You and Jin sit in the slight breeze for a few more minutes, listening to the birds twittering and the leaves rustling. The sun has hidden behind some rainclouds by the time you two decide to head in. You help Jin out of the chair and let him wrap an arm around your shoulders for balance. You put your arm around his waist and with that, you two start heading back in, going slowly for Jin not to be in too much pain.

You’re leading him to the couch when he laughs sarcastically, “Yah, my most favorite place. You know, I loved this couch before I was sitting on it day and night until my butt turned flat.”

You snort a laugh and stop in your tracks, “Would you like to go somewhere else for now?” You look up at him and see him pooching his lips and squinting as he mentally goes over his options. “Mmm, can we go to the kitchen? I’ll boss the girls around and nag them on how to cook.”

You laugh again as you two turn to make the trek to the kitchen, “That does sound right up your ally, Jinnie.”

“It is indeed-“

“What are you doing?”

You and Jin both turn at the sound of the voice, your arms still wrapped around each other to support the injured man. Jungkook is glaring at the pair of you from the front door where he just came in.

“Oh, hey Kook, where were you-“

Jungkook interrupts Jin angrily, “I asked what you were doing.”

You feel the eldest stiffen against you in annoyance, and you don’t blame him. Jungkook has quite the audacity to come in here and act like this after his behavior earlier.

“Y/n and I were learning a new dance, care to join? Or maybe you’d prefer to watch, since you seem to enjoy staring at us so much.” Jin snaps, making you bite back a nervous laugh as Jungkook’s eyes narrow even more.

Jungkook just stands there, unamused. The feeling of jealousy and anger is bubbling up inside him, willing to burst if only he’d let it.

“Y/n was helping me to the kitchen, something you don’t care too much to do these days. And why should that bother you? I’d really like to know. Seeing as you’re not being very nice to any of us these days, you asshat.” Jin’s nose twitches when he’s done ranting. You’re shocked he cussed at all, it being something he doesn’t usually do unless he’s infuriated.

But you’re thankful he didn’t just mention that Kook had been mean to you earlier, instead, lumping everyone into it so Jungkook doesn’t know you’d spilled the beans on your fight to Jin.

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Get your hands off her, she isn’t yours to touch.”

Um, what?

Seokjin’s eyebrows raise to his hairline and he turns you both so he can face Jungkook head on. “Excuse me? What did you just say?” Jin’s voice is laced with disbelief.

Jungkook looks ready to murder his oldest brother, “I said get your fucking hands off her. She’s mine, not yours.”

What the hell?

Jin starts laughing hysterically, but you can tell he doesn’t think this is funny at all. “You listen here, you little brat. She isn’t anybody’s, she doesn’t belong to you. Y/n was helping me to the kitchen because she’s sweet like that. You have no right to come waltzing in here and claiming her and telling her or me what to do.”

You try to protest when Jin moves himself from you, gently taking your arm away from his waist. But he steps away from you a little before you can and keeps glaring at the youngest. “I don’t know what your problem is, Jeon. But you better get your act together and treat her with some respect. She isn’t an object to lay claim to. I won’t have you disrespecting anyone, not in my house.”

Jungkook fumes, his mind a blur of anger and guilt. He’s mad at himself for saying something like that and he knows Jin is right. He knows that made him sound shitty, but he really hadn’t meant it like that at all. He doesn’t see you as an object, he just got so blinded with jealous rage when he saw his hyung’s arm around you that he spoke without thinking.

Something that he’s apparently really good at doing these days.

Jungkook almost wants to apologize and rephrase his words, but again, the words die in his throat.

Instead, he looks down at the ground to avoid Jin’s piercing glare.

He hears the eldest scoff before there’s some shuffling. When Jungkook looks up again, you and Jin are gone. He squeezes his eyes shut and grabs his head, wishing he could physically pound out all the darkness that is seeping into his mind and starting to control his tongue.

It terrifies him.

And Jungkook is never terrified.

But he can feel it. He can feel himself slipping away.

It’s what happened earlier too, when he wanted to tell you he was sorry, a darkness clouded his mind and he physically couldn’t speak. The dark cloud is full of hatred and anger, blocking out all the things he was starting to get back, even if he tries to resist it.

“Jungkook, it’s okay, I’m here.”

The vampire jumps a little, then he takes his hands off his face and sees you standing in front of him. You’re looking at him with an emotion he doesn’t understand, something that doesn’t anger him, it just confuses him.

What is it?

“Do you want to talk, Kookie?”

Kookie?

He knows that name…

Oh…you call him that when you aren’t mad at him.

“N-no.”

No? Why did he say no? He wants to talk.

“I think maybe you’re not telling me the truth.” You say unsurely.

Yes, thank goodness, you know he wants to talk.

But how can you know so much about him?

Jungkook presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to think hard. He racks his brain, doing his best to push that dark cloud back. Just push it back enough so he can think clearly.

Love.

That’s what you were looking at him with.  

You flinch when Jungkook looks up suddenly, “I still love you. I love you so much that it kills me and I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean a word I said to you or Jin hyung, please don’t think that I think of you as an object, I really don’t.” He’s rushing his words, spewing them out of his mouth before they get a chance to change and say something he doesn’t mean again.

“Kook-“

“Please believe me when I say I love you, and I didn’t mean it. I hate myself for saying such things to you, and to think how confusing and hurtful it is for you makes me sick. I am scared. I’m scared to death, y/n. Because I don’t know what’s happening to me. One minute I’m me and the next I’m saying and thinking things I never wanted to.” His voice breaks, sending your heart to your stomach.

“Kookie, it’s okay.” You put a hand on his shoulder to ground him as his breaths get shorter and panicky.

“Don’t say that. It isn’t okay, the way I’ve treated you is not okay, don’t try to make it seem like that.” Tears brim in his eyes as he panics, feeling the dark cloud creeping closer yet again.

You rub his shoulder consolingly before taking one of his hands and holding it gently, “I’m not saying what you said is okay, I’m saying that you’re okay. Everything right now is alright, you’re here and I’m here. Jin hyung is here and he loves you. I love you. We’re going to figure this out, I promise, Kookie.”

“I’m scared.” His voice wavers unsteadily.

“I know.” You swallow your tears, gazing at him and wishing you could take all his pain and fear away.

“Can I hug you, Kookie?” You ask tentatively after a moment of silence. Jungkook nods his head aggressively, “Please, please hug me.” He whimpers, and that’s enough to have you wrapping your arms around his middle and holding him tightly. “Hey, I forgive you, and I understand that something beyond your control is going on.” You say gently, rubbing his back as you hold him close.

Jungkook’s face is buried in the crook of your neck as you sway him gently side to side. After a minute, you feel his breath start to speed up again and he gets stiff. Then he pulls away, a look of pain flitting across his face.

“It’s happening again…y/n, please know that I love you, and I’m sorry if I say something that doesn’t sound like me. Please, stay away from me for now before I say something hurtful again.” Then he pulls out of your hold and moves to the stairs to climb them, leaving you to watch him shut you out all over again. Yet somehow, this time it feels worse.  

“Jungkook.”

He turns back to you when he reaches the middle of the stairs, his eyes asking what it is you want to tell him.

“Be with me when you can, and tell me whenever this happens…please?” You ask softly, trying not to bawl your eyes out at the exhaustion and sadness covering his face.

Jungkook nods, “Ok.” Then he hurries back up the stairs to shut himself in his room before he can do any more damage.

~                  ~                    ~

“They aren’t back yet.” Yuri speaks up anxiously before taking another bite of food.

“They’ll be back.” Jin says seriously, taking a bite of his own and chewing with determination. Jimin sets his fork down, “But-“

“They’ll be back.” Jin says again, shutting down all other arguments or speculations with the tone of his voice.

Hoseok and Yoongi had said they would be back before dark. And it’s been dark for a while now, their seats growing colder with their prolonged absence…

The next morning, there’s no sign of the boys.

Everyone is panicking, but everyone is panicking in the way that they’re pretending to be calm while they tell the others not to worry as they go hysterical in their own minds.

And then there’s Jungkook.

The first part of the day, he was holed up in his room, locking everyone out. Then, when he finally came downstairs, he saw how worried you were for Hoseok and Yoongi and he didn’t want to stress you out further, so he slunk back to his room.

Around lunchtime, Jungkook hears a knock on his door from where he’s curled up on his bed. He was too hot to get under the covers, and too tired to lay down properly, so now he’s in a little ball in the middle of the sheets.

Jungkook lifts his head, his eyes squinting in the dark room.

“Who is it?” He croaks out.

“Y/n.”

“Oh, come in.” Jungkook plops his head down on the bed again and watches sleepily as you come in and close the door behind you.

You’re surprised at how dark the room is at first, then you look over and see the blinds are drawn, blocking out the afternoon sun. A little lump in Jungkook’s bed moves slightly and you figure that it’s him.

“Hey, Kookie.” You speak softly and walk over to sit beside the lump on the bed, reaching out a hand to comfort him. “Is this an okay time for me to be here?”

“Mhm.” You hear him mumble, and you frown. “Kook, you haven’t eaten today, have you?”

A tiny ‘no’ comes from the lump and you sigh, “Well, it’s a good thing I brought you something. Come on, sit up for me.”

It takes a bit of coaxing, but eventually you have Jungkook sitting up and leaning against the head board as you hand him the bag of blood you brought, given to you by Namjoon for Jungkook to drink.

It’s hard to see his expression in the dim room, but you hear the sigh that leaves him clearly. “I really don’t want this right now.”

“How come?”

“I don’t feel well.”

You reach over and put your hand to his forehead, feeling his ice-cold skin touch yours. Jungkook reaches up and takes your hand, holding it and bringing it to rest in his lap. “Vampires don’t run fevers, cutie.” He murmurs tiredly, amusement in his voice. You smile at the way he sounds like himself again, but you’re still worried.

“What’s hurting Kook?”

“I don’t know…everything? My stomach just doesn’t want blood right now, even though my mind and the rest of me do.”

You purse your lips in thought, then you rub his hand gently, “Try a few sips and see. You’re probably malnourished.”

Jungkook isn’t very happy about it, but he takes a few sips anyway, feeling his body instantly lift and his strength coming back.

He hates it.

A bit more coaxing and he’s finally drunk the whole bag. He must admit he’s feeling better physically, but mentally, he’s never hated blood more.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” He whispers into the dark, catching you off guard.

“Why are you sorry?”

He’s quiet for a moment before clearing his throat, “Just-…for being so difficult.”

“Don’t worry, I can handle you.” You say cheekily, trying your best to cheer him up. Jungkook smiles a little at that, “I think you’re the only one that can.”

“Probably.”

A little chuckle from him makes you smile, “Are you ready to go out of this dark and stuffy room?” You ask as you grab his arm and tug on it. He laughs again at your antics.

“No, I like the dark.”

“There’s like, no air in here!” You utter in disbelief and he giggles.

“Air is overrated. I want to stay.” You can practically hear the pout in his voice, and you roll your eyes and tug him harder.

“A little fresh air isn’t going to kill you, you hothouse plant!”

Jungkook bursts into laughter, “I am not a hothouse plant! I’m a vampire.”

“Hardly.” You mutter, smiling when you hear him laugh again.

“Ok, we can leave under one condition.” He pipes up and you stare in his direction suspiciously. You don’t like not being able to fully see him in this dark room.

“Deal, now what is it?”

“Give me a kiss.”

“Kook!” You start laughing, feeling him squeeze your hand. You don’t know why this is throwing you off so bad and making you blush like a little schoolgirl. But you lean closer to where he is anyway, puckering your lips to give him a quick kiss. Jungkook leans closer too, then your heads bump each other, Jungkook kissing your eye and you kissing his chin.

Laughter erupts from both of you at that.

“I thought you were higher up!”

“I thought you were down here!”

“Why should I be down there?”

Another fit of giggles ensues before you feel Jungkook touching your face, cupping it with his large palm. “Y/n?” He whispers, and you swallow thickly. “Yeah?”

“I promise I’ll never hurt you, no matter what happens to me, ok?”

His words catch you off guard and you suck in a breath, trying not to get upset. “Don’t say things like that, as if you’re dying. You’re going to be okay, I told you that already.”

“I just want to be sure you know I love you.”

“Don’t worry, I know.”

“Good.” He says softly before leaning in and kissing you gently, making your stomach erupt with butterflies.

~               ~             ~

“What are you making, Kookie?”

The vampire jumps and looks up at you, smiling sheepishly as he snaps his little notebook closed.

“I uh…nothing.”

“Oh, really now? Come on, let me see.” You giggle and sit down next to him, trying to get a peek at what he was writing. “Is it a journal?”

“No.”

“Then let me see!” You whine jokingly, pulling a small giggle from his mouth. “You can see when I’m all done.”

You pout but stop pulling on him. “How long will that be?”

“I don’t know, whenever it’s done!” Jungkook laughs, keeping the notebook out of your reach. You cross your arms and sit back with a huff, determined to figure out what has had his attention for hours now, since you came out of his dark and dusty old room.

“Ok, give me a hint.”

“A hint?” Jungkook looks at you in amusement, looking you up and down before nodding curtly, “Ok fine, one hint.”

“Yes!”

“It’s something I used to do a lot. But this time, it’s more special.”

Oh…hmmm.

“You know I’ll grill Seokjin and he’ll eventually tell me, don’t you?” You say in exasperation when you can’t figure out what it could possibly be. Jungkook laughs and shakes his head, “You can grill hyung all you want. I don’t care if he tells, but you won’t hear it from me.”

You sigh and lay down on the grass, trying not to think about the other boys that still haven’t returned, after waiting for them since last night and all day today. You can’t help it if your mind won’t let you think of much else.

Where could they possibly be?

Are they okay?

Meanwhile, Jungkook is sitting with his back to you, quickly jotting down the last line of the chorus for his song before he forgets it and before you can snoop.

He’s been working on a song for you for a while now, but it was so hard for him to get started, that when he finally did, he was so consumed by it and wasn’t giving you attention, which he feels bad for now.

Jungkook snaps his little book closed and tosses it to the side, then he lies down next to you and pulls you closer to nuzzle his nose into your neck, making you giggle at the ticklish feeling. “Hey, little flower.”

“Hey.”

“What’s wrong?” He asks sadly, noticing your quietness.

“I’m just worried about the boys is all.” You sigh and let him snuggle you more, his deep voice calming you when he speaks reassuringly, “Don’t worry. They’ve done this before…I’m sure that Yoongi hyung just insisted on being out a little longer because they found something that interested him.”

“I hope so.” You whisper and he hums into your shoulder. Then you feel him stiffen, and you know it’s happening again.

Jungkook pulls away, his eyes shut tightly as he puts his hands over his face and groans softly, then he rolls away from you and sits up, keeping his palms pressed to his eyes.

“Fuck.” He sighs and you sit up, not moving to touch him because you know it’ll only make it worse.

“You okay, Kook?”

“Please just leave me alone.” He snaps and you take a deep breath, reminding yourself that he’s having trouble keeping his emotions in check and it must be scary enough for him already without you getting mad back at him.

So, you stay quiet and pick at the grass, pulling little bits out and ripping it before tossing it on the ground and doing it over again. After a minute of silence, Jungkook stands up and grabs his little book angrily, “Don’t follow me.” He huffs out before stomping away into the woods to let out his emotions on something that isn’t you.

You stay in your spot and sigh sadly as you pull at the grass some more. After another few minutes, you decide to head home and wait for Jungkook to come back and talk it out with you when he feels better.

~               ~               ~

“Dinner is ready, everyone!” Ga-In calls unenthusiastically from the kitchen.

You slowly walk down the stairs, Yuri following behind you with Jimin. It’s dark out and Yoongi and Hoseok still haven’t returned. It’s now been a full day since they were supposed to have been back. Everyone is on edge, but no one really knows what to do. You think you overheard Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, and Seokjin talking about sending someone out to look for them. But it seemed like they really didn’t want to send someone out to look in places they had no idea about, let alone where Yoongi and Hoseok could have gone.

Seokjin is sitting on the couch when you come in the living room to help him to the dining room. He laughs bitterly, “I swear, I’m going to get better if it kills me.” You laugh as you help him stand, “Hey, you just worry about resting up. Don’t push yourself Jin, you literally almost died not even a week ago. It’s going to take time to heal.”

“I know,” He mutters in disappointment as you walk into the hall to get to the kitchen. That’s when a series of sharp knocks sounds on the door and you jump in surprise. Jungkook is the only one still outside, and he doesn’t knock, especially not like that.

The sound has drawn everyone out from the dining room to see what’s going on. Taehyung passes you and Jin to walk over to the door. He unlocks it and opens it slightly, then you all hear him gasp.

Tae opens the door all the way to let whoever is outside, in. You gasp when you see Hoseok and Yoongi stumble inside, a very very little girl clutching onto Hoseok’s leg as all three of them pant heavily.

Another gasp escapes you when you realize that Hoseok and Yoongi are both wiping their sweat, the tans on their faces clear as day as their wide black eyes scan the room. Then Jimin is shouting in confusion at their appearances.

“What in the ever-living fuck is going on??”

~             ~               ~

Your jaw has dropped to the floor at the sight of the three humans standing in front of you.

What in the hell happened out there?

Once the three of them have been given water to drink and wet towels to clean their faces, they are led to the couch to sit down and collect themselves. The little girl, who can’t be any older than four, is sat in Hoseok’s lap, clinging to him for dear life as he gently pats her head that’s full of wispy blonde hair.

It’s so strange to you, seeing the two as humans after all this time. Namjoon chuckles in disbelief when Yoongi gives him a look meaning he knows, and he doesn’t understand anything either.

“Ok, I don’t mean to jump you with this right when you get back, but what the heck happened out there?” Jin asks in bewilderment, having taken his usual spot on the couch again.  

You have an overwhelming urge to hug the little girl and comfort her as much as you can but seeing as she wants nothing to do with anyone but Hoseok, you hold yourself back.

Yoongi clears his throat and takes another drink of water before starting. “We weren’t planning on going very far. But we ended finding some tracks, so we decided to follow them, and they lead us to an abandoned school. That’s where we found this little one.” Yoongi gestures to the little girl and smiles softly at her, to which she returns a shy smile of her own before tucking her face back into Hobi’s chest.  

“We had no idea where she came from, and she wouldn’t say a word except that we were ‘bad guys, scary monsters’. We knew she was scared, and we couldn’t get her to come with us.” Yoongi continues, “That’s when it started to rain. We decided to sit with her and see if she would warm up to us, but she just stayed as far from us as she could. When a group of vampires came, we had no choice but to grab her and run. We had to hide in the basement of the school and wait for the vampires to move on.”

Hoseok shudders at the memories of what Yoongi is telling everyone, but he doesn’t say anything. Yoongi takes another drink, looking over the room at everyone staring at him and waiting for him to go on with the story.

“We were in that basement all night. We could hear the vamps walking around upstairs and it didn’t seem like they’d leave anytime soon. But this guy right here-” Yoongi jerks his thumb at Hoseok. “-he would not give up on the kiddo. He turned on his flashlight and he sat with her all night long, telling her stories and jokes even as she sat in the corner away from him. Eventually, when it was almost morning she walked right up to this scary old vampire and hugged him, saying he was a ‘good boy, not scary monster’. Literally has not stopped clinging to him since. When the sun rose, this little fuc- I mean, Hoseok…was a human.”

Yoongi takes a deep breath and shakes his head, still not believing what he saw with his own two eyes. Everyone in the room looks at Hoseok and the tiny girl, who shies away from the attention and cuddles further into her new best friend. Hobi smiles brightly and pats her head comfortingly.

You, Tae, and Seokjin all share a few looks, knowing exactly what happened with Hoseok to turn him human.

You’re about to ask how Yoongi turned human, but the door opens and Jungkook walks in at that moment. He looks into the living room when he sees everyone gathered there, then you see him freeze as his eyes land on Hoseok and Yoongi.

His body visibly stiffens, and you feel your heart sink, knowing he must be so confused and angry right now. You stand up and move to get to him, but Jungkook just runs up the stairs, ignoring your shouts for him to stop.

You reach his room a split second before he closes the door, and you force your way in. Jungkook throws his notebook on his bed and kicks his dresser in rage, “Why am I not turning back?! Why?!” He screams.

You don’t know if he actually wants an answer, so you keep quiet and shut the door before he scares everyone.

“First Tae, then Jimin, then Seokjin! And now Yoongi and Hoseok?! What am I doing wrong? Tell me! Please, y/n!! Just tell me what to do!”

“I don’t know.” You whisper brokenly, not sure what to do to help him right now.

Jungkook’s chest heaves and he flops onto his bed, “I don’t understand.” He whispers before putting his face in his hands.

You move to sit beside him, but you refrain from touching him. “Namjoon is still a vampire too.” You say gently, watching as that statement seems to help Jungkook calm down. His breathing evens out and he takes a few breaths.

“He won’t be for long…they’re all going to turn back, and I’ll be a vampire forever.” He looks up at you, his red eyes shining with fresh tears. “What did I do to deserve this, y/n?”

“You didn’t do anything, Kookie.” You lay your head on his shoulder and rub his thigh to comfort him. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise.”

~                 ~                     ~

“So, what happened with Yoongi? I never got to hear that part.” You look back at Hoseok who’s sitting on the bathroom floor with his eyes closed as he leans against the door. The little girl they brought home last night is in the tub, giggling as you wash her off gently.

She warmed up to everyone fairly quickly, but still needs to have Hoseok within her sight for her to be calm, hence the reason he’s currently sitting on the bathroom floor as you bathe her. She hasn’t said anything apart from a few mumblings of ‘hobi’ and ‘good boy’ when she looks at him as if she’s looking at the brightest star.

She grew a quick bond with Taehyung as well, letting him hold her in his lap as long as she could see Hobi. Tae was thrilled to even get to look at the tiny child, his heart pounding from how adorable she is. You’re pretty sure he has plans to steal her loyalty from Hoseok and adopt her at the soonest chance he gets.

Hoseok smiles, his eyes still closed. “Ah, yes. I’m really not sure why it happened…I remember we decided to sneak out the next morning, so I grabbed the little one and Yoongi hyung led the way upstairs. We didn’t hear anything at first, then a Hunter came out of nowhere and started shooting at us. He was alone, thank goodness, but he almost killed all three of us. It didn’t seem to matter to him that me and the little one were humans.” Hobi’s brows furrow. “Then Yoongi hyung slammed him against the wall and went to bite him.”

Your blood freezes at that, remembering Jungkook drinking the man’s blood when the Hunter had hurt you.

“I yelled for him to stop.” Hobi’s voice is quiet. “It was almost like he’d been possessed. He was so enraged that the Hunter kept shooting at us when two of us were humans, that I don’t think he was all there. I was sure he would drink that man’s blood and kill him, but after a minute, Yoongi hyung pulled away from him, he was shaking so bad…then he just knocked the Hunter out, and we left. A few minutes later, Yoongi hyung was complaining about feeling like shit, then I noticed his eyes weren’t red anymore.”

“He turned back because he made the choice not to hurt that Hunter, even when it was what everything in him was telling him to do.” You speak quietly, then you see Hoseok’s eyes pop open as he stares at you. “What does that have to do with it?” He asks curiously.

“It’s the same reason you turned back when little one-” You pat the girl’s small head, “-put her trust in you. Even though you looked like something she feared, she saw the good in you. A child saw the good in you, and it proved that you’re no monster.”  

Hoseok looks bewildered until you explain everything to him that you and Taehyung had figured out, then his eyes light up in understanding.

“Ah! And Yoongi hyung proved his good soul by making the decision to spare that man!” Hoseok shouts triumphantly, making the little girl laugh.

“Exactly.” You smile brightly, then you turn back to the small girl, “Hey, we need to find out her name. We can’t keep calling her ‘little one’.” You brush some of her wet bangs out of her face and boop her teeny nose. “What’s your name, honey?”

“Honey!” The girl shouts and grins, little giggles spilling from her pink lips. Hoseok positively beams, “I think that’s a wonderful name for now, it suits her too. Look at her golden hair.”

You turn back to her and smile, “Ok, Honey. Let’s finish cleaning you up, hm?”

~             ~              ~

“Jungkook, just take some deep breaths.” You say calmly, your heart aching as you watch him struggle. The boys have been home for a few days now, so you’ve been taking Jungkook out to the woods to keep him away from them.

You know he’s still upset about them being humans, and him not. It’s really starting to get to his head, you can tell. Jungkook won’t talk about it though, he keeps acting like everything is fine when he’s thinking clearly.

But when the ‘dark cloud’ as he put it before, starts closing in, he shuts himself off completely and distances himself from you. It’s painful for you to watch, but you don’t know what else to do besides let him know you’re always there if he needs you.

Right now, Jungkook is sitting on the rock in your special clearing, his hands clenched into fists as he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to breathe. You can see the turmoil for him, but you’ll never fully understand what’s going on inside of him.

Just accept it!

If you give in, it’ll be so much easier, I promise.

You won’t have to fight it anymore.

Come on, Jungkook.

Give in.

Let it take over.

Let it take away the pain.

You know you want to.

You want it to be easier, don’t you?

Just give in.

Jungkook sighs shakily and holds his hands out for you to take. You hurry over and clasp his cold hands, squeezing them and holding them to your chest. You bring one of his hands up and kiss it gently, “You’re okay, Kookie.” You whisper against his knuckles and see him smile a little, his eyes still closed.

~                     ~                   ~

You wave goodbye to everyone for the last time before shutting the door and locking it.

Seokjin had decided it was high time for everyone to get out and have some sunshine, so Sooyoung came up with the idea for a picnic. Everyone helped make sandwiches and pack the lunches, then they got ready to leave.

Jungkook opted out of the picnic and you wanted to stay behind with him, so you helped them finish the preparations before sending them all on their way. Little Honey giggling happily made your heart warm, thinking of how close you all were to being able to be free again.

When you lock the door, you walk back to the living room to find Jungkook sitting on the couch, his legs spread out annoyingly enough to not make enough room for you. So, you sit on one of Jin’s armchairs instead.

“What should we do today, Kook?”

You’re met with silence.

“Do you want to read? Or maybe, play a board game?” You suggest kindly, only for Jungkook to shake his head and keep watching Koko swim around aimlessly.

“Ok, we don’t have to do anything. We can just sit and talk.”

More silence.

“Or we can sit and relax, that’s fine too.” You get comfy and close your eyes. After a little while you get restless, so you grab your Beauty and the Beast book and start reading to yourself while Jungkook stays planted in his spot, unmoving. When you glance over at him every now and then, your worry grows more every time.

He’s acting really weird.

Even for the Jungkook he is these days.

The whole day passes like this, with Jungkook staring into space and sometimes clenching his fists or squeezing his eyes shut, and you reading your book. You try to get him to drink a bag of blood, but he refuses.

You eat a small lunch and go back to your reading.

When it’s almost dinner time, and almost time for the others to get back, you sigh and close your book. Then you look at Jungkook, “Hey, we should go and catch fireflies, or maybe pick some flowers, how about it?”

Jungkook suddenly speaks up, scaring you for a minute after not hearing his voice all day.

“What are you doing?”

“Hm?” His question confuses you, and you tilt your head as he turns to look at you for the first time today.

“Don’t play dumb. What game are you playing?”

“Jungkook.” Your voice is tinged with hurt, even though you know he must be having one of his ‘dark cloud’ moments. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, you do.” Jungkook stands up and towers over you, his eyes hard with anger. “I can’t believe I actually fell for it. For you.”

“Jung-“

“Shut up. You think I believe you’re this fucking sweet all the time? Oh, let’s go and catch fireflies and pick flowers and be so fucking nice to everyone!” He mocks you and scoffs running his hand through his hair.

What the hell has gotten into him?

“Ok, Jungkook. I’m going to go and start dinner, you can stay here and I won’t bother you.” You get up to go to the kitchen, but he grabs your arm, stopping you.

“Admit it. You’ve been playing with me this whole time.”

“What are you saying?”

“You never loved me, did you? If you had, I would be a human right now.” Jungkook seethes and you’re taken aback, like he just slapped you in the face.

What happened to him?

“Ok, let go of me. Just try and calm down Jungkook.”

You pry your arm away from him and hurry to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. When you come back you see him standing where you left him. You hold the glass out to him, but he ignores it.

“I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m not pitying you, Kook. I just want to help-“

“That’s all you ever do, isn’t it? Help people. Well, I don’t need your help, and I don’t need you. Get the fuck out of here.” He hisses, but you stay in your spot.

“I said get out!” Jungkook’s voice raises considerably and you flinch when he grabs the glass from your hands and chucks it across the room, the sound bouncing off the walls as it shatters. “Stop lying to me and just get out!” Jungkook’s eyes have turned a deeper shade of red and you know you should leave. He isn’t in his right mind, he can’t think clearly. You’re not sure what triggered it, but he’s somehow convinced himself that you don’t really love him, and you’ve been lying to him this whole time.

“I swear y/n, you better leave right now before I fucking lose it.” He growls and you swallow the lump in your throat, not knowing what to do. Should you leave and let him calm down? Or would leaving make him think that his worries are true? You stay planted in your spot but regret soon washes over you when Jungkook grabs your arm suddenly and pushes you into the wall. Your head smacks against the hard wood, the world spinning for a second.

“Ouch, Jungkook! You’re hurting me.” You hiss in pain, but he just glares into your eyes, no regret swimming in his as he pinches your arm harder, and you know this isn’t your Jungkook. You dare to look into his eyes, your heart stopping in your chest at the murderous gaze staring back at you. All evidence that he ever loved you is nowhere to be found, nothing but hatred in his dark red orbs. Then you gasp when Jungkook opens his mouth and you see his fangs have grown longer. “All you ever did was play with me, isn’t that right y/n? Answer me!” You flinch again but can’t tear your eyes away from the sharp white canines that are only a few inches from your face.

Jungkookie wouldn’t hurt me.

Jungkookie wouldn’t hurt me.

You keep repeating it in your head like a mantra, over and over.

“N-no, Jungkook. I really do love yo-“

“Liar.”

Jungkookie wouldn’t hurt me.

“Jeon Jungkook, I love you- ah!” You scream when you feel his fangs sink partly into your neck. His eyes are a deep red and he growls at your cry of pain. “Shut up, you did this to yourself.” The shock that he’s bitten you swarms through your veins in a hot rush.  

You cry when you feel him start to sink his teeth in again on the spot where he just bit you. When he starts sucking and you feel your head start spinning, you whimper quietly, “Kookie.” He freezes at the nickname, then shakes his head as if to clear it before sinking his teeth into you again. The sharp pain is indescribable as you choke on your tears.

“Kookie, you broke your promise…you said you’d never hurt me…” You whimper as you feel yourself start to lose consciousness, the pain and blood loss rushing to your brain. A single tear slips down your cheeks. At those words, Jungkook pulls away, his eyes dimming to a dull red once again.

His mind starts to clear as he finally registers what’s going on when your body goes limp in his hands and he catches you as you start to slide down the wall, “Y/n? What-”

Just then Taehyung walks through the door, Ga-In right next to him and Seokjin following behind. They all freeze at the sight of a panicked Jungkook holding your limp body, blood trickling down your neck. Ga-In’s hands fly to her mouth in horror and Taehyung just stares in shock. Jin shoulders passed them both and steps towards Jungkook cautiously.

“Jungkook…what did you do?”

____________________________________

a/n: pls don't burn me at the stake for this ;-;

tag list: @jjungkook99 @ditttiii​ @fekitza​ @xxxanimangxxx​ @mygukandonly​ @rubinora​ @elliegrace1999tvd​ @nikikookie​ @karissassirak​ @howbizarre​ @lettersforjoon @krystle1990​ @adelina1299​ @your-best-behaviour​ @jeonjungkookismyfuture​ @squidyelmosquidbutt​ @hopeworld-baseline​

[seedleaflesssapling]

Ver 2.0? Turning Point?

I can't really identify to which point in my life that i started to doubt myself but im pretty sure that it was because of UP. Damn, that school, my uni. It do really have the ability to make you feel small; i was in a disadvantaged side when i entered it, you know. I was acquainted, no we did not really talked one-on-one, but i heard when we did introductions - Pisay, UP High, science comprehensive schools, Xavier University, who wouldn't be intimidated by that when you came from Col. Ruperto Abellon National School (who would know where that is? I was lucky enough for a teacher recognized it and my classmates be like 'ahhhhhh,' .....really?! I dont even know where xavier is, it just sounds cool). Another thing is that, i wasn't a stem shs graduate - a leverage(?) or excuse (?) that i always use for them to know that i am at disadvantaged side here, not their competitor, probably a NOBODY. They, being stem graduates, have capstone projects you never thought that they have at that age, but i would hear them saying that it was publish in this journal (whatever, idk the journals lmao, i dont even understand their studies 2nd lmao, but that was some smart shit you know, a shit that makes me feel pathetic for being too proud of my what? Correlational study from inconsistent surveys?!!! Wtf, wtf, wtf). But it was a very good peer pressure you know, i kinda turned it that way. Being left behind, being on the rock bottom, i have no other place to go but up. It wasn't the goal, like making or taking the top spot, i just need to survive.

Inevitably, the exams came. I had hard time adjusting chem but math was kind to me. Who would have thought that i would get two 1.0 at my math subjects for the first semester, the sem that i thought i would barely pass. I was even a CS for that sem. Who would have thought? Our first chemical engineering subject that involves computations was on the list the next semester and the first exam, out of 100 i got something like 20ish. WTF. THAT WAS MY FIRST FAILED EXAM. but no, never did cry but tears were flooding inside. So apparently, i have to focus more on this subject and i did. Some were still failing, but i raised my average up. We also had physics, my first ever physics. I really love physics that time or that sir rommel is just a very good professor. I got the highest score on our second LE, everybody else did fail. Small victories. Not that they lose, but i just won. But i heard one time they were talking about me re: passing the physics exam and even getting a high score. They were uhm.. a guy i really look up to cause his good, the other was a girl that idk but i think she didn't like me back then. They were friends but eventually the girl transferred uni because who cares why. i heard the guy saying something like sin.o gid na si franklin nga taas iya score man, maybe even worse than that, i still look up to the guy even until now. But wtf. I really took it in that time, like i wanted to cry but did not. With all that, i got a fair grade at physics. I still got 1.0 at maths that sem and even maintained being on the CS list. S M I L E. BECAUSE WE HAVE A MIDYEAR CLASS. VERY EXHAUSTING FOR SOMEONE WHO DONT WANT ANYTHING BUT JUST ADJUST, SURVIVE, AND FIND MEANING OF BEING A UP STUDENT. It was just one subject and it was math, but i got 2.0?!!! I have no excuse to that, i am very grateful for the family who accommodated me. After midyear class, i did got sick, it sucks, really sucks. I wanted to file an LOA for the next academic year, it is the only thing i can think of for me to go back on track (i haven't said that my parents pushed me to graduate with latin honor and i wanted to also for my resume to look good because everything else in me is effed up). I really wanted to pause and be free for a while but i also wanted to graduate on time (mostly because i want to give the bitches who dared to have expectations be put on my shoulders not the satisfaction, but the audacity to tell them 'i aint did it for ya') so i asked mama. THANK GOD, SHE DID SAY NA KUNG ANO LANG KAYA MO, AMO LANG DA IH 😭😭🤧🤧 so i enrolled, but went to school late, haven't attended the school opening but all is good. I did kind of reset, just enough for me to face school again.

Second year, it was fucked. I did really love coding on octave and doing sheets at ms excel though. On that year, we have formed the che 103 bagsak group. Together with two of my classmates on 103 and math 55, we became buddies after failing che 103 on the first LE, another 30 over 100 exam hahahahaha. We made bawi just enough for us to pass the subject hahahahahuhu. I have thermodynamics sub, i barely pass. Thank G na wala ko nag removal. If ever i did, i am so sure that i wont make it. My GWA for that sem was not enough for me to be a CS. Who cares? I still did, actually but mama was never been too pushy since then, even since after midyear, after getting that 2.0 grade from the only subject i am good at. Btw, my math 55 for first sem, second year, was 1.25. Not a 1.0 but still, it's good. Second semester that year was when pandemic hit so there's nothing much to tell. I was, sorry but i was really, glad to be away from school for a while, not until for a while became forever. Virtual university set-up was very hard. With too much from taking in whatever i see and hear on my surroundings, even just at home, everything is difficult. It is very hard to find motivation and discipline in studying when i was surrounded with people who do nothing. Even to this point i am writing, everyday is like a battle, but is mostly an internal one. Self vs self, a war no one knows who will win. So the confidence, the tower of knowledge i did build, exponentially went down. I did really well when i was in grade 10, i did my best that time and it can be seen at the achievements i had that year. Being consistently on top 1 the whole year, placing second on division MMC (even getting the highest score on the written elimination round for the whole cluster), doing well sa physics under maam andico, placings on cluster journalism competitions - it was like a record best, best record (?) Whatever. But it wasn't enough you know, i eventually came fourth like wtf. I had read from somewhere Newton saying like the two years when he did write the three laws of motion and the calculus stuff were the two best years of his life, and it kept me thinking that what if mine already passed? That it was when i was in high school?

But, back when i was in school, every time that i was belittling myself or even at random times that i would feel nervous for nothing, my classmates and close friends would say na:

Uno mo man ang Math, uno mo na na (it was a one or two time thing, what if chamba lang to???)

Ikaw man highest sa first le sa thermo (it was really an absolutely one time thing, i barely passed that sub)

Alam ka man sa physics (i was just invested on physics and maybe nachambahan lang na ang ginpractice ko solve kay parallel sa exam ni sir)

Alam ka, d ka lang confident (OKAY???!)

I was ignoring those shit cause who cares if i did really good that time. Yeah, it felt good but it wasn't fulfilling. Satisfied but not happy. But with recent events, i think i would be changing. This post will be a written contract that i will push to be better, to start trusting myself, and build that confidence glow behind me; to believe that i am bright and i can hack it, whatever it may be.

For coherence, i would itemize na lang all of the events that brought me to epiphany lol

It was Friday, 17 Sep, when Dean, in our plant design subject, gave an activity for us - to come up with solutions that would address problems he presented. 1 off grid island community (either you address the water, electricity, and phone reception/signal problem under a 100k budget) and 2 vinegar packaging with a 500 mL volume and should cost less than the cost of vinegar. The due's on Monday, 20 Sep. The challenge is that you should come up with an idea that is not the same with those who already turned in their proposed solutions. I haven't turned in mine until Sunday afternoon. We are 23 in class, hence there should be 23 proposed solutions for each problem. However, only 20 or 21 turned in their solutions and as a student who decided to do it three days after the sheet was given, i was at the second to the last of the entries hahaha. I have limited choice since a lot have been proposed. And ngl, i did entered my idea for the first problem at Sunday evening and for the second problem it was on the afternoon of the next day. Those were basic solutions cause who am I? Am just your basic guy.

Tuesday, 21 Sep (#NeverForget #NeverAgain), class again for plant design (PD). Dean discussed stuffs which im ngl, i did not listen because im bored (not until he said 'we'll have a 5-min break and we'll have a quiz after that' like wtf, how will we do our quiz???!). After the short break, I did study cause i panicked as hell, he presented the prospects of the course, that we will be divided in groups and that the leaders were chosen based on the solutions they turned in the activity previously given. So there's no quiz, i was calm the whole time after that until my name was called. Like wtf??! Your basic guy will be a leader???! Hello!!! So i chat people, asked them if it was a good thing (course it was!!!? So dumb right?!). And then, i asked another leader and she agreed to my argument that we should only be divided into six instead of seven as what dean has decided. So i chatted dean (pic below). I just accepted the role half-heartedly.

As leaders, we should be hiring people for our team and we should make pubs. I dont have a canva account to help me do pubs. I made mine at MS ppt HAHAHAHAHAHA but im good so its cute. We were assigned with projects and i get to have the 4-member team. The vacant roles were project maven and liaison officer for a 3-member team. In my pubs, i included scrummaster as position to be filled, cause who am i to lead?! So yeah, that's it. I did the pubs Wednesday and I submitted my resume Thursday (third to the last hahahaha but my resume's cute hahaha).

Thursday. So i had this invite by a classmate to join the Shell event long time ago. He was reaching out for someone to ask Dean for his approval because Dean did not replied to the email he sent. So, i volunteered. I really want this competition cause this will be my first and maybe last competition as a UP student. So i DMed dean and blah blah blah he asked for selection process. I relayed the message and apologize to them for being me because i was thinking that it was me who made him come up with the decision of having the team be selected. Like, wtf i was just asking for his approval. Getting kicked out of the team was not my intention. Those whom i chatted that night were telling me that it wasn't my fault blah blah blah. So i half-heartedly agreed to them.

Friday came, yesterday, the interview. I am very anxious for someone who will be the one asking the applicants lmao. I already have been interviewed before for college applications and somehow remember the feeling, nerve wracking, whatever. To calm my nerves, i listed questions which i never got to ask properly btw, but at least i have concrete ideas on what to ask. The first interviewee was my very closed friend and so we just laugh and laugh and laugh HAHAHAHAHA. IDK if dean saw it but who cares. And the next and next and next. 3:30 passed by fast and guess what??? YOUR BASIC GUY HAS THE MOST NUMBER OF APPLICANTS TO THE POINT THAT DEAN CUT MY LIST. IT WAS EXHAUSTING BUT VERY FLATTERING. I FEEL SO HONORED. i really thought and very scared at the thought that no one will apply to me but wtf, just wtf. Ranking my applicants was damn hard. 1 i have a dream team but one was cut by dean; 2 this could make my friends mad; 3 this will be the group for the whole year; 4 i am really exhausted. But still, i submitted the list. I was hoping for the people i chose to choose me back. Only two out of three did, i am forever grateful.

Still on Friday, the classmate who invited me to the Shell thing and Dean had a zoom call and discussed about the competition. That classmate told dean what i told him the other day that i might be the reason for the decision of having the selection process done. He told me this through a voice memo, katamad daw magtype. A voice message that i played over and over again. Dean actually find me interesting (?), Invested (?) Idk exactly but the classmate told me na 'may nakikita daw talaga sya sayo. Na grabe ka ka-practical as a person like yung ideas mo daw sa plant design napakasimple lang pero napaka practical to the point daw na madami nag apply sayo kanina. And then, you need more confidence lang daw talaga' so ig, you basic guy is a practical guy now. It's just flattering.

Now, whatever happens, i must meet those expectations right? This could be a lousy motivation but what is if there's none? I dont know why im writing this. I just thought i should get my thoughts out. Ver 2.0? Turning point? Let's just do good 😌

PS I put this on my bio on FB, guess im getting more public, and if you happened to read this because you saw the link on my bio, send me a message about you thoughts.

PPS if your initials are JTZC, these have been my week and i miss you even though you're not interested in me anymore, you are hard to forget

[sleepingrenjun]

nervous | ML

the gorgeous banner was made by the one and only @hyuckiebabie

Genre ♡ angst, badboy!Mark Lee 

Length ♡ 16.9k

Pairing ♡ Mark Lee x reader

Warnings ♡ character death, violence, making out, mild swearing, mild alcohol consumption, kinda mafia, uhh shitty parents? Basically just angsty badboy!Mark, it’s rather tragic I do apologise.

Playlist ♡ nervous playlist

Summary ♡ You find yourself falling deeper and deeper into Mark’s fiery touch despite the dislike you once felt for him. But Mark Lee is dangerous and nefarious despite his gentle desire to love and protect you; the two of you are star-crossed and you will forever be damned into the very pits of hell.

-

Your clothes were beginning to stick to your skin, the rain blurring each and every neon sign into one big mess of colour against the onyx canopy of the sky above the city. The faint sound of cars screeching along distant streets could only just be heard over the music blaring through your earphones. You stumbled ever so slightly against the sudden outcry of wind as you rounded a corner and looked up through your lashes to see the refreshingly familiar street which housed your favourite late night coffee shop. You looked down again in order to give your cloudy eyes a break, eyeing your slightly scuffed, and now very soggy converse as you trudged a little further until you made it to the door of your beloved safe haven.

 You used your right shoulder to help you push the heavy door open, relieved to see that the lights were still on. You pulled your earphones out, shoving them into your tote bag unceremoniously.  

 “Oh hey, y/n,” you looked up to see Donghyuck smiling sleepily at you from his position behind the counter as he raised his golden hand in a small wave.

 “Hi Hyuck,” you threw a lopsided smile in his direction before carefully drying the soles of your shoes on the mat which lay before you.

 “It’s a little late for you, is everything okay?”

 “Yeah, yeah, I just got caught up with uni work, I guess,” you tell him as you take your phone out of your soaking wet hoodie pocket, before tapping on the screen, thus confirming that it was indeed later than you had realised, 10:53pm. He hummed in understanding as he continued to steam-clean the tea cups which sat on the polished granite in front of him.

 Donghyuck studied at the same university as you and so he understood that sometimes the workload would cause you to spend hours on end in the dusty, old university library situated on the top floor of the main building. His major was in English literature, and if he wasn’t in the coffee shop working then he could often be found studying with his nose buried deep in a coffee-stained book with his exhausted round glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. Donghyuck was lovely, in every sense of the word. His strawberry blonde hair looked gorgeous against his honey-stained skin. He was warm and flamboyant and just, quite simply, alluring. His raspberry-stained lips were soft and full, just as his cheeks were. Donghyuck was the type to wear tight black jeans paired with an eccentric, ill-fitting jumper and a pair of beaten up doc martens, yet he wore it so well.

 You weren’t exactly friends, but you had a sort of routine. You confided in eachother more often than you liked to admit, but only inside the safe environment of his workplace, you didn’t really speak at any other time. Every Thursday, without fail, you would stop by to order a latte from the lonely coffee shop that he worked at. You were studying fine art, which meant you had to spend a lot of time at the university, whether it was using the studios for various workshops, or losing yourself in copious amounts of books in the library in order to help you write extended essay after extended essay. With that said, it was usually between 7 and 8pm when you stopped by to order your coffee on your way home, hence Donghyucks concern.

 “The usual?” he spoke up after a moment of tranquility.

 “Mmm, please,” you hummed in response as you fiddled with the slippery metal of the rings on your fingers while you waited for the coffee you had been looking forward to for several hours prior. You took out your money and left the correct amount by the till and then proceeded to make your way quietly over to your usual round table before flopping down languidly, the table was situated by the window, allowing you to watch the world outside go by peacefully as you tapped your nails along the surface of your phone screen restlessly.

 The coffee shop was warm and cozy, the smell of coffee beans welcoming anyone into the glowing space. Your weekly visits were something that you looked forward to now, although you did sometimes make an appearance at other times, Saturdays, for example. Occasionally you popped in for a cup of tea in the morning and engaged in polite conversation with Taeyong, the owner of the place. Taeyong was delightful, in a different way to Donghyuck, though. He was sharper and had a witty sense of humour to match the bubblegum shade of his hair. He was kind and wise beyond his years and so much more – but you didn’t have the same unspoken understanding with him that you had with Hyuck. Perhaps that’s why you looked forward to Thursdays, Donghyuck understood you without even trying, as did you with him.

 Donghyuck slid the disposable cup onto the table in front of you, snapping you out of your daze.

 “Thanks,” you smiled up at him before you realised that he was, in fact, now sitting opposite you at the table, with a coffee of his own in hand.

 “What’s on your mind, princess?” he asked you with a cheeky smile as he leaned back into the chair before sipping a little of his coffee. You chuckled at the nickname and hummed as you thought of how to reply.

 “I’m just exhausted, Hyuck,” you said as you let your head flop softly onto the rough wooden surface of the table before closing your eyes gently.

“Uni deadlines are exasperating; my parents are driving me mad and I just really need to sleep” you breathed out drowsily as you peered up at the boy through half closed eyes.

 “Yeah, I feel the same. Uni has me really stressed too,” he cupped his steaming coffee with both hands and leaned across the table, “what’s up with your parents, though?” he squinted at you, genuine curiosity adorning his friendly face.

 “Just the usual, you know,” you sighed after taking a long gulp of coffee, not feeling up to explaining everything to him at 11pm on a Thursday. Donghyuck vaguely knew about your relationship with your parents, if you could even call it that, although you liked to avoid bringing your friends into that side of your life; you weren’t proud of it.

 “Care to elaborate, princess?“ Your reply was soon cut off by the sound of the front door opening suddenly and the fierceness of the storm outside immediately filled the peaceful room, the sound of the ‘open’ sign hitting against the wall alerting you to the fact that you were no longer alone in the coffee shop.

 You looked up in surprise and proceeded to try to fix your composure at the realization that the person who had entered the premises was none other than Donghyucks best friend; Mark Lee. The two were polar opposites. While Donghyuck was late nights by a crackling fire and cups of steaming hot chocolate, lazy afternoons spent surrounded by blankets and makeshift pillow-forts and summer evenings spent reading during the golden hour. Mark Lee was everything that Donghyucks general aura protested against – he was burning hot embers and cigarettes, sunrises and motorbikes screeching along empty streets at 4am. Mark Lee was cold yet hotheaded and harsh and a lot to take in. You had only seen him from a distance, picking Donghyuck up from the university on the back of his bike. The two were so different but they were the best of friends and it baffled you.  

 “Hyuck, what the fuck is taking you so long? Let’s go-,” he voiced as he ran his hand through his damp hair and shook his head a little, completely ignoring your presence. He was clearly irked about something, his eyes were dark, black almost, and he was clutching his bike helmet under his arm tightly. Hyuck looked across the room to the vintage clock which was perched just above the coffee machine behind the counter, before muttering a profanity to himself and looking up at you with apologetic eyes.

 “Shit sorry y/n, I completely forgot, I was meant to close up 10 minutes ago,” it was nearing 11:15pm now.

 “Oh yeah, it’s fine, I should probably get back home anyways” you offered in acceptance before tearing your eyes away from the two boys in front of you to look out of the window at the storm you would have to brave once more. Mark cleared his throat as he made eye contact with you for the first time,

 “are you two done now or…?”

 Mark opened the door, a subtle hint that he was leaving and that Donghyuck should hurry up if he wanted to accompany him to wherever the two were off to at this hour. You scoffed as you took in his appearance, his damp, jet black hair was falling into his eyes in soft curls, his tanned skin was wet, and the neon yellow hoodie he wore under his signature leather jacket had darkened by at least two shades from the rain, as had the black skinny jeans which were tightly clinging to his legs.

 “Will you be okay to get home?” Hyuck asked you as he turned off the coffee machine and motioned towards the door with a light tilt of his head. You nodded and replied with a “yeah” as you swiftly picked up your takeaway coffee cup and headed out the door which mark hadn’t managed to hold open for you. Hyuck followed you out after turning the lights off and grabbing his own helmet, locking the doors behind you. You nodded towards Donghyuck, turning away from the boys you clutched your arms around yourself in an attempt to keep warm as you walked in the direction of your shared apartment.

 “See you, y/n.”

 You turned your head and waved in return at Donghyuck who was smiling at you as he put his jet-black helmet on whilst he leaned on the back of Marks motorcycle. Mark offered you a smirk as he took a long drag from his cigarette before dropping it to the floor and putting out the glowing stick with a swift movement of his foot, his tattered black converse catching your eye. You continued forward in the torrential rain and not a minute later you could hear the revving of the engine as Mark and Donghyuck pulled away and sped past you, Mark deliberately not avoiding the growing pool of floodwater on the street next to you, splashing dirty water at you in the process. “Fucking fantastic,” you groaned in exasperation.

 -

 It was the following Tuesday when you next saw Donghyuck with his best friend in tow. You were packing up your things after a long day in the library, sneezing and sniffling every so often; you had managed to catch a rather bad cold after walking home in the pouring rain last Thursday. You had just turned around after placing your last book in your beaten-up bag when you heard Donghyucks contagious laughter coming from your left, he and Mark were walking towards you and away from a small group of three boys you often saw Hyuck hanging around with between classes, you weren’t sure of their names. Mark was once again holding on tightly to his helmet as he mumbled something to the velvety boy beside him and ran his other hand through his disheveled hair.

 You fished your phone out of your pocket and turned it off airplane mode before stuffing it back into your pocket and looking up, just in time to hear your name being spoken from a few feet away.

 “Hey! y/n!”, Donghyuck exclaimed, looking surprised to see you, “you got home okay then? On Thursday?” he queried, stopping before you, causing Mark to roll his eyes at his friends genuine concern.

 “Yeah thanks, Hyuck. What are you guys doing here?” you chuckled in reply, it wasn’t unusual for you to greet him in the library as you both spent a fair bit of time there, Marks appearance, however, was a little less common.

 He was obviously there to pick Donghyuck up, probably just to take him home or to a party or something; what was unusual was that he didn’t usually come inside. If you ever saw him at the university, he would be leaning against the outside wall, by the doors, often holding a cigarette in one hand and his phone in the other. He was a couple of years older than you, only a year older than Donghyuck, and although you knew that he had graduated from the same institution that you attended, you didn’t know what his major was, not that you particularly cared. Your train of thought was interrupted by Donghyucks reply,

 “Oh, Mark just needed to talk to Jaemin about something,” he gestured towards his friend, who was clearly already bored with your conversation.

 Just as you were about to speak, your phone started ringing. You took a deep breath once you saw the caller ID, before picking it up and holding it to your ear.

 “Dad?” you breathed out, his timing could not have been worse. You had a complicated relationship with your parents; your father was controlling to say the least, and it frustrated you to no end.

 “So, you finally decided to pick up the phone then?”, he greeted you harshly. “I’m sorry, I’m in the library, my phone was off,” you offered him an apology, hoping it would suffice. You looked down at your shoes and wrapped your free hand around your waist, turning away from the two boys who were waiting patiently before you, hoping to gain some privacy for what would most likely not be an enjoyable conversation with your father.

 “You’re always sorry, it’s not good enough y/n,” he complained, “anyway, I called because I need to ask a favour from you.” He only ever called you when he needed something, and he certainly wasn’t one for pleasantries, he always found a way to try and make you feel bad about yourself – although you’d grown a sort of immunity to it now that you knew what he was trying to do. You remained silent, signaling for him to go on, “your mother and I are hosting a dinner party tonight” you place your hand on the back of the chair in front of you, “and we expect you to attend, can you be at the hotel for 7pm?”

 Your grip on the chair tightened to the point that your knuckles were beginning to turn white, you looked at your watch and groaned softly so that he wouldn’t hear, it was already 6:47pm. “Dad I don’t think-“ you started, knowing perfectly well that you wouldn’t be there on time – it was nearly a 40 minute walk to your parents’ hotel from the library.

 “Great! See you then, don’t be late!” he cut you off, not allowing you the time to tell him that you wouldn’t make it for 7 before he ended the call. “Jesus Christ,” you exclaimed as you let your iron grip on the chair go, moving the same hand to push your hair out of your face.

 “Is everything okay?” you turned around to see Donghyuck and Mark both staring at you in confusion.

 Your parents frustrated you a lot. They could never be bothered to make time for you but the second they had the opportunity to use you to their advantage, they would milk it. Your father loved to patronize you and put you down while your mother loved to brag about all the wonderful things you were supposedly doing, she loved to make you sound like their perfect child, when really, they were nothing but disappointed in you. They were disappointed in your art major and disappointed that you chose not to intern at your fathers’ company – you wanted as little to do with his illegal activities as possible - so disappointed that they actually felt the need to lie about practically everything you did.

 “Oh, yeah I just-,” you paused, trying to clear your head and come up with a way of fixing the mess you were about to get into, “sorry but I have to go, I have to be somewhere in like 10 minutes and it’s a 40 minute walk so-,” you rushed out, panicking as you grabbed your bag, flung it over your shoulder and proceeded to walk quickly down the hall towards the staircase. You didn’t make it very far however, as Donghyuck managed to grab your wrist and turn you around.

 “Hey, wait!” he exhaled deeply, “do you need a lift? Mark can give you a lift, right?” he suggested, turning to his friend in question.

 Mark looked as horrified as you felt at the thought of being perched on the back of his bike, “yeah, not happening,” he exclaimed, “she doesn’t even have a helmet or anything-” Donghyuck cut him off by thrusting his own helmet into your arms unceremoniously “now she does!” he retorted cheekily, throwing a smug smile in Marks direction.

 “No, Hyuck really-” you started, the idea of being in such close proximity to the stranger not sitting right in your stomach.

 “Donghyuck, what the fuck?” Mark exclaimed in obvious annoyance at the lively boy who had seemingly already made the decision for you both as he sauntered off down the hall, leaving you alone with his best friend.

 -

 Mark didn’t speak to you as you made your way down the stairs side by side. You felt your heartbeat speed up as you walked through the automatic doors and saw the back of his motorcycle come into view. The model was sleek and rather elegant, the matte black of the main body suited Marks nefarious persona perfectly and the egg-yolk yellow accents made it all the more beautifully daunting.

 “Ever ridden a bike before?” Mark exhaled at you, already knowing the answer to his foolish question.

 You shook your head, “I haven’t. But you already knew that”.

 Mark nodded his head in response before putting his helmet on and climbing onto the bike in front of you. You mirrored his actions and secured Donghyucks helmet into place with shaky hands; the jet-black helmet was a little big for you, but you managed to fight against the strap until it was tight enough that you felt somewhat protected. You shuffled into the small space behind Mark and had barely just lifted your feet off the ground when he revved the engine and kicked off, sending you surging forward into his firm back in order to not fall off.

 Mark snickered at your immediate reaction, “you might want to hold on, sweetheart,” he told you in amusement as he turned his head towards you slightly. “I’m gonna need directions,” he announced as he turned back to the road and pulled out of the university car park, the sudden acceleration encouraging you to grab onto his shoulders firmly in an attempt to balance yourself.

 “Yeah, okay. Continue down here for a bit and then take a left just before the gym.” You instructed as you assessed the road before you.

 “Alright,” he responded casually, veering off to the right to overtake a car, causing you to stiffen even more.

 Sitting on the back of Marks bike was rather unnerving, but it was also thrilling and rather freeing. You could feel the wind in your hair and you were able to let yourself go a little. You closed your eyes for a moment and embraced the carelessness you felt bubbling up in your stomach; if your parents ever found out that you’d been on the back of a boys motorbike they would be livid, but in that moment, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You leant forward and informed Mark about the next turn he needed to make, to which he responded with an okay and as if sensing your sudden carefree nature, he applied a sudden pump of pressure on the gas and sped up even more. He was trying to scare you, to irritate you, and it was working. The wind in your hair suddenly felt too cold, too loud, and the traffic surrounding you too fast.

 “Mark,” you warned him as you moved your hands from his shoulders to wrap them tightly around his waist. “Hey, slow down!” you shouted in his ear once you realised that he wasn’t letting up.

 “Relax, baby. You’re alright,” he chuckled over his shoulder, sounding completely unbothered.

 You tightened your grip around him and closed your eyes as you tried to calm down, no longer finding the experience enjoyable. You could feel the soft flesh of his toned stomach through his shirt; the vibrations of Marks laughter as he felt your grip tighten and your forehead press softly into his shoulder. He was warm and deadly and you could feel your hot blood rushing through your veins. You breathed him in slowly; his aroma was cigarette smoke and peppermint; his shirt stained with the faint scent of his cologne and cinnamon. You hated to admit it, but Mark Lee smelled heavenly despite being the embodiment of Hades himself, and it was intoxicating.

 “Sweetheart, you need to look so you can direct me,” he said blatantly, you opened your eyes briefly before closing them again with a shake of your head.

“Take the next right and then pull up on the left just before the hotel,” you breathed out.

 Mark was soon slowing to a halt and you let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in. “Thank fuck that’s over” you exclaimed before releasing your grip around the devilish boy in front of you, feeling slightly embarrassed that you’d been holding him so tightly. You swiftly removed your helmet and thrust it into Marks arms with a mumbled thank you before turning on your heel and heading towards the front door of the building. You faintly heard Mark calling your name, but you weren’t really listening as when you reached the door you felt your stomach drop, your dad was waiting for you and he was furious.

 Ten minutes later, you were seated next to your mother and opposite to your father, you were trying to settle the growing pit of nerves in your stomach as you knew you would be confronted by your dad soon enough. Around an hour into the meal, one of your parents’ guests decided to ask your mum about how you were getting on at uni, they were trying to make polite conversation, although your mothers response irked you rather.

 “She’s doing great! She’s loving her classes, aren’t you honey?” she directed at you with a knowing look in her eye. You simply nodded and replied a polite “yes, it’s great.”

 The same guest then went on to ask what it was you were studying, to which your parents simultaneously responded with ‘law’, as if rehearsed, which it most likely was. You knew your parents had never been happy with your decision to study fine art, and you couldn’t say you were surprised to hear that they were lying about your major, but it pissed you off, nevertheless. You clenched a fist underneath the table as they continued to brag about how well you were supposedly doing at law school. The evening continued like that for the next hour; your parents telling their ‘business partners’ about all the achievements you had made and how proud of you they were. Your family was built on a mound of lies.

 You knew that they were careful about what they told you about their business, but you were alert enough to be aware of the fact that the deals they made were not what might be expected of a typical hotel chain. They lied in front of you to try and cover the illegal activity that was going on, and while you weren’t entirely sure what that involved, you had an idea.

 Your parents walked with you to the entrance of the hotel when the dreadful dinner party was over, and you braced yourself for what you knew was coming.

 “You’ll never guess how our y/n arrived here earlier, love.” Your dad gestured to you while speaking to your mum.

 You looked down at your feet and fiddled with the hem of your jumper in anticipation. Your dad was business suits and stainless steel while your mother was sterile surfaces and fake smiles and you hated it, you hated them and the stupid lifestyle they had dragged you into. Nothing about it was real, nothing about it was fair.

 “She arrived on the back of a boy’s motorcycle,” he informed her with disgust evident in the tone of his voice, his facial expression unsettlingly straight. Your mother gasped in horror and you had to hold back from rolling your eyes at her dramatic reaction. “y/n what the hell were you thinking?” she asked you with a raised voice, anger evident.

 “I needed a ride, it’s a forty-minute walk otherwise!” you responded honestly. You weren’t going to let them manipulate you into apologizing to them.

 “Imagine what the guests would have thought if they’d seen you arrive in such a bedraggled way!” she screeched at you, to which you just responded with a shrug; not having the energy to argue with her.

 “You will reply when your mother addresses you, y/n.” Your father seethed through his teeth at you, anger taking over his stout features. You turned away from them in an attempt at getting away from their suffocating presence, talking back to them was not going to get you anywhere. But before you could walk through the now half open door, he grabbed onto your wrist harshly, “if you pull another stunt like this, there will be consequences, y/n, and stay away from that boy, he’s bad news.” He spat the coarse words into your left ear no louder than a whisper.

 You could feel your eyes beginning to water a little, “don’t touch me.” You breathed bitterly before yanking your wrist out of his forceful grip and slamming the glass door behind you.

 You finally let yourself go once you were outside, the tears flowing freely and silently down your cheeks. You were tired, exhausted even, of trying to mask how much their actions hurt you. Nobody at your university had a clue, not your roommate, Lisa, none of your art class acquaintances, not even Donghyuck, who you often found yourself confiding in when things got a bit too much and you found yourself on the verge of a breakdown.

 You were looking forward to getting home, your apartment was cozy and warm and just what you needed after dealing with your exasperating family. Your parents had bought you a 2 bed flat on the top floor of a crumbling apartment building, which you had the pleasure of choosing. After being brought up in a mansion-like house that didn’t even look lived in, you opted for something small and homely so that you weren’t rattling around in it. Two weeks after moving in, it still felt a little empty to you and so you advertised for a roommate – that was when Lisa came into your life. The two of you had your differences but you loved each other, you supposed she was probably your best friend, not that you were one to give people titles. Lisa was away on a two-week trip to Florence with a few of the people from her major, meaning you had the place to yourself; you weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

 “Dinner party went well then?”

 You turned around and were met with the sight of Mark leaning against the wall next to the door of the hotel, he was somewhat hidden from view, his dark clothes melting in to the ebony of the sky. He held a cigarette between his lips and a lighter in his left hand, he took a long, slow drag before plucking it from his lips with his free hand and blowing the smoke in your direction.

 You stifled a cough and rolled your eyes at his actions before continuing in the direction of your apartment, “why are you still here, Mark?” you asked him as you lifted a hand to wipe the tears away from your rosy cheeks, curious as to why he’d hung around for you.

“I thought you’d want a ride home,” he shrugged as he caught up with you, lifting the cigarette again and this time leaving it hanging from his pink lips, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

 “The last thing I need is for my parents to see me on the back of your fucking bike, again.”

 Mark chuckled dryly in response, “did your dad give you a hard time?” he cooed, clearly finding your upset state funny. When you didn’t show any signs of amusement, his cheeky smile turned into something more sincere.

 “I heard what they said to you, you know,” he gave you a pitiful look, “I’m sorry that they treat you like that.”

 You raised your eyebrows and bit back a laugh, “cut the crap, Mark.” He looked a little taken-aback by your curt response, giving you a questioning look as he slowed to a stop beside you. “Don’t act like you suddenly care,” you sighed at his obliviousness, turning to face him.

 Mark Lee was not known for his kindness, caring nature. He was known for being cold and troublesome, he was like a snake; constantly shedding his skin and becoming a different version of himself. One minute he was dangerous and sinful and all things devilish and red, yet the next, he was soft like the feathery wings of an angel with kind eyes; and it was impossible to tell which version of himself he would present to you each time you met.

 You looked at him, really looked at him and took in his appearance. His soft dark hair was falling in his eyes with a slight parting in the middle, his sun-kissed skin rich and deep under the soft, golden light of the street lights you were bathing in. Your gaze fell to his cherry-stained lips and to the glowing stick he held between them, soft clouds of smoke occasionally leaving his lips as he exhaled. The heartbreaking truth was that Mark was attractive, you found him attractive and you didn’t know how to stop the way your breath hitched when you looked into his dark eyes. He was looking at you, observing you in the same way you had been observing him, and it was unnerving. His eyes flitted between your own and your lips briefly before he pulled his gaze away from you and towards the now-familiar motorbike which was sat just a few feet away from where you were stood.

 “Come on, let me take you home.”

 You didn’t talk to Mark as he drove you home aside from directing him to your apartment, it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, though. You were exhausted, and you found yourself feeling a little numb as you clutched Marks waist tightly and pressed a cheek into his back as you closed your eyes. You couldn’t find the energy to think about your father seeing you on the back of Marks bike. If he saw you, then so be it. You were utterly sick to your stomach of the way they pried and warped you into what they thought was the perfect child, the child that their fellow businessmen and women would want to hear about. They objectified you and they underestimated you and it royally pissed you off.

 You found yourself almost enjoying the feeling of betraying them, perhaps you’d take it up as a hobby. Perhaps you’d befriend Mark just to get under their skin, you’d undoubtedly relish in that feeling if you were a little more like the boy who you currently had wrapped in your tight embrace. But you weren’t like that, you were good and caring and you had so much love to give yet nobody to give it to. You couldn’t intentionally play someone like that, it wasn’t within your capability, nor was it your true desire. You didn’t want to use Mark, no matter how perfect it would be or how much it would irritate your parents. So, you pushed your delirious thoughts aside and tightened your hold on Mark as if to thank him for not asking too many questions or rubbing in your ill-fated situation. In response you felt a tight squeeze on your left thigh as he reached back to comfort you subtly, and that was all that was needed for you to begin to feel a little better.

 Mark pulled up outside your apartment building after what felt like forever. You heaved your heavy body off the padded seat behind him, your worn shoes scuffing against the edge of the pavement as you did so, causing you to stumble forward briefly before a strong hand gripped at your waist and pulled you back. You turned around at the sudden feeling of Marks arm wrapping around you, only to notice that you were standing a lot closer to the raven-haired boy than you’d anticipated. He had leaned off his bike a little in order to reach you and you now found yourself brushing up against his jean clad thigh.

 “Easy there, princess,” you could feel his hot breath on your cotton-candy stained cheeks and you struggled to appropriately place your gaze. You’d never been this close to him, face to face anyway, and you found it unsurprisingly intimidating. You observed and noticed his perfectly placed eyebrow piercing, the two silver balls gleaming even in the dark of the night. Marks eyes were deep and dark, black almost, a heavenly contrast to his honey-stained skin. They were half lidded and verging on sultry as he blinked and brought his eyes to meet with yours, his tongue briefly darting out to wet his lips before he gently brought the hand which wasn’t wrapped around your waist up to eye level. He hesitated briefly before he lifted his hand and started to unfasten the strap on the helmet you had borrowed from Donghyuck, “here, let me get that-”.

 Your breath caught in your throat as his hand brushed against your soft skin, the rough texture of his calloused hands contradicting your own smooth, milky complexion. You looked into his eyes as they were concentrated on removing the heavy helmet; he looked so innocent like this, so pure and refined. It was almost like the fire inside him had been dampened momentarily and the ice around his heart was beginning to melt, of course that wouldn’t last. You knew that the next time you saw him, it would be like this hadn’t happened. He would go back to smirking at you or blanking you entirely. It would have been a moment of utter serenity if it weren’t for your caged heart beating at ninety to the dozen inside your chest. You were nervous. Mark made you nervous.

 Once he’d lifted the helmet off, he realised he was still holding you and quickly moved his hand from your waist to rub the back of his neck, you became suddenly all too aware of your close proximity and took a small step back, clearing your throat and crossing your arms in the process. He roughly planted said helmet into your arms with an “I’ll see you around” before he kicked off and left you standing by the side of the road, looking a little flustered.

 Needless to say, the second your head hit your pillow that night, you were out like a light.

 -

 You entered the coffee shop two days later, Thursday, at your normal time of 7:15pm. Only this time you had more of a purpose; you, of course, were looking forward to your latte, but you had also brought Donghyucks helmet since Mark had left it with you.

 “Donghyuck!” you greeted the familiar face as you made your way towards his position behind the counter. “Here” you lifted the heavy black helmet onto the counter for him to take. He thanked you as he took it from you and went to put it in the back room.

You took the chance to look around the room, noticing a few familiar faces, mostly students huddled over their laptops or buried in a pile of dog-eared books. You spotted your usual round table and smiled at the site of the empty chair sat by it. You would soon be just like most of the other customers in the coffee shop, head down and engulfed in a heap of Gustav Klimt books, your chosen artist for this semester.

 “Hey, have you seen Mark around?” you were brought out of your thoughts by the return of the radiant boy in front of you, who was now busying himself with making your coffee.

 “Not since Tuesday, why?”

 “I haven’t seen him since then either, he normally drops me off for my shift today, but he didn’t show,” he replied sounding a little concerned for his troublesome friend. “I’m sure it’s nothing,” you hummed in response.

 You thanked Donghyuck with a warm smile as you paid him for your coffee before taking it over to your table and getting your notebook and a couple of books out of your scruffy bag. The next hour went by relatively quickly, you alternated between writing notes and actually annotating the books in front of you; you had a bad habit of defacing books. Whether it was folding pages or actually drawing on the pristine pages, you enjoyed making them look used and a little haggard.

 You had been so engrossed in your work that you hadn’t noticed Mark’s brief appearance in the cozy coffee shop, he was only present for about 30 seconds before Donghyuck excused himself and stepped outside to talk to his friend. You had your head down when you left through the heavy doors, you weren’t listening as they hushed their conversation at the sight of you, and you didn’t notice when Mark, who was sporting a bruised cheek and a bloody lip, cast his gaze over to you from behind his friends’ shoulder.

 You were living in your head as you walked home that evening, thinking up your future, where you wanted to live, and what you wanted to be doing. You’d just decided that you liked the idea of settling in Paris or somewhere similar when you felt the first sign of rain hit your cheek. You cursed to yourself as you pulled your hood up over your head in an attempt to shelter yourself from the inevitable downpour. You were never prepared when it rained, you usually just wore a hoodie and jeans to uni and you had never got into the habit of carrying a jacket or an umbrella around, you should probably change that, though; it rained a lot in your city.

 Not even two minutes after the rain started, you heard the screeching of tires on the wet road as a familiar looking bike skidded to a stop alongside where you were walking.

 “y/n get on!” Mark yelled over the deafening downpour surrounding you, taking his helmet off as you jogged over to him.

 You weren’t sure why you decided to listen to him, especially after he tried to scare you the last time. Perhaps it was because you knew you’d be home in a fraction of the time if he took you, walking would be at least another twenty minutes. Or maybe part of you actually liked the idea; somewhere deep down in the burning embers of your soul, you quite enjoyed the cryptic boys’ presence. He was everything you had stayed away from up until now, and although you would never admit it aloud, you found yourself reveling in the risk of it all.

 You tried to refuse his helmet, saying that he needed it more, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Just put the damn thing on,” he argued, only moving off once you were sat behind him with his helmet sat snugly on your head.

 Your arms curled around him in the same way you had recently become accustomed to. He was soaked through to the bone and cold, so cold, it seemed Mark wasn’t one for dressing according to the weather either. While you were at least wearing a hoodie, he was only wearing a t-shirt, a white one at that. His muscular back suddenly became painstakingly obvious through his soaked shirt and you tried to focus on the road ahead as you rested your chin on his left shoulder.

 Not even 10 minutes later, you had arrived at your apartment building.

 You jumped off the bike as soon as it had stopped moving, keen to get inside and rid yourself of your drenched clothes as soon as possible; a hot shower sounded absolutely wonderful right now. You expressed your thanks and looked up at Mark to return his helmet to him once you’d wrestled to get your wet hair untangled from the strap, only to see that he had his head hung low and turned away from you.

 “Hey, Mark?” he hummed in response, seeming somewhat distracted. “You good?”

 “Huh? Yeah, I should really go-”

 “Why won’t you look at me?” you hesitantly reach across and hear a sharp intake of breath from him when you grip at his jaw, turning his head to face you for the first time that night. Your breathing faltered at the sight of his black and blue cheekbone and your eyes scanned the rest of his face to discover that his lip was also rather swollen and coated with dry blood.

 “Mark…” you whispered as you ghosted your hand over the tender skin, blinking down at him as his hand gripped at your wrist.

 “It’s fine, y/n,” he gritted his teeth, still not looking up at you.

 “Who did this to you?” you thumbed at his puffy lip gently, the question more rhetorical than anything else.  

 You had never seen the boy before you look so worn out. In fact, you weren’t sure if you had ever witnessed someone being hurt like this before. You blinked twice and moved your hand away from him in order to brush your own disheveled hair out of your eyelashes as you realised that the rain was only becoming heavier.

 “Come inside,” you said unexpectedly, surprising both yourself and the bloodied boy sat before you. You tugged at his sleeve, “just let me help you, as a thank you of sorts”.

 “I really shouldn’t, I-,” you didn’t let him finish, you instead found yourself dragging him away from his beloved black and yellow bike and into shelter.

 He followed you up the stairs until you were on the top floor, you had your key in one hand and his bike helmet in the other. He didn’t speak as you walked up the five flights of stairs, the only sounds were your sopping wet shoes squelching each time you took a step and the shaky breathing coming from the pair of you.

 You stepped into your small apartment with Mark in tow, switching on the lights as soon as you were in the door. You placed your stuff down alongside Marks helmet on the long wooden coffee table in your little living room before disappearing into Lisa’s room to find something for Mark to change out of his wet clothes into. When you walked back into the living room, he was still standing there, hands clasped together and rocking back and forth on his toes lightly.

 “Here, I think this stuff should fit you.”

 Lisa sometimes had boys over, usually they were just one-off flings but sometimes they’d come often enough that she had managed to accumulate a growing pile of their clothes. You’d found a pair of loose black shorts and a large light-grey hoodie that looked around Marks size.

 You directed him to the bathroom so he could change, before turning to your own room and stripping off your drenched clothes, changing into a pair of sweats and a loose fitting shirt as quickly as you could. You grabbed some wet cotton wool and a bag of frozen peas to help take down the swelling, you didn’t have a first aid kit in your apartment, so this would have to suffice. You found Mark sitting on your sofa when you returned, his head leaning on one of his hands whilst he texted someone on his phone with the other. He heard your fluffy sock-clad feed padding against the hard wood floor as you neared him, looking up and instantly turning his phone off and placing it next to him once he realised you had reappeared.

 You knelt down in front of him, placing the frozen bag on the floor beside you and turning your attention to the injured boy.

 “Stay still,” you could feel Marks eyes following your every move. You dabbed at his wounded lip, trying to help take the edge off the sting he must be feeling. You steadied yourself by placing your free hand on his shoulder, causing him to turn his attention to you rather than whatever he found so interesting behind you.

 “Where’d you get the clothes from?” he gestured to the hoodie he was now wearing.

 “Oh, they’re from Lisa’s- my roommate’s ex, I think,” he nodded at your reply.

 “Don’t move,” you whispered as you held his head still and wiped away the remainder of the blood. “It’s not like they’d be from my ex, given that I don’t have one. Or a current boyfriend, for that matter.” Your weak attempt at a joke fell flat as you suddenly realised the implications of what you had just said. Your eyes grew wide, “that was stupid, I don’t know why I said that. I just-”

 Your ramblings were cut short when Mark gripped your arm and took the bloody cotton wool from your hand, dropping it to the floor while keeping his half-lidded gaze on you. He moved your hand to hover just above his heart, resting it there. You kept your eyes on his hand as it covered yours, not daring to look up at him for fear that you may crumble. You felt like putty in his hands and all he was doing was touching your hand. Your face flushed as your hands began to tremble subtly.

 “Do you feel that?” you did. You could feel his heart beating rapidly, just as yours was. “Baby?”

 You dragged your eyes up to meet his and nodded delicately as you let yourself tug at his hoodie a bit, trying to cease the nerves rising up from the pit of your stomach to the very tips of your fingers. Mark lowered his head until his forehead was brushing against yours from his elevated position on the sofa. You could smell the faint scent of cigarette smoke coming from his lips, which were now barely three inches from yours.

“What are you-,” he rubbed his nose against yours and murmured a barely-there “shh,” as his eyes fluttered shut.

 Mark pressed a kiss to the corner of your lips and moved his soft grip from your hand to angle your face up towards him, bringing his other hand up to cup your jaw before moving to plant a slow peck on your plump lips. “y/n?” you hummed when he pulled back a couple of inches, keeping your eyes closed. You didn’t want him to stop and you hated yourself for it. You tugged at his hoodie again, hoping he would understand your signal for him to continue. You didn’t have confidence in words, opting to not say anything and instead moving your left hand up further to reach the nape of his neck, pulling him into you.

 The feeling of having another’s lips pressed against yours was unfamiliar and yet, strangely addictive. Your breathing was getting heavier in sync with his as he left long, drawn out kisses on your lips, alternating between your bottom lip and your top. You found the angle was getting a little awkward and so, with the help of Mark, you sat up on your knees, only staying like that for a moment before you found yourself situated on his lap with your legs on either side of him.

He barely paused for breath before capturing your lips again, this time prodding at your entrance with his slick tongue. The sensation was effortless with him, your lips slotting together over and over again with such ease and precision. His tongue massaged against yours as he relocated his calloused hands to rest around your waist, squeezing the soft flesh as your shirt rode up slightly.

 You let out a soft whimper as his cold hands touched your hot skin and you threaded your fingers through the damp locks of hair at the back of his head, your other hand clenching and unclenching, taking fistfuls of his hoodie as you tried to make the feelings in your chest evaporate. The air was hot and sticky, and you gasped into each-others open mouths, you couldn’t get enough of him.

 Kissing Mark Lee made you feel more alive than you had ever thought possible, it was both heavenly and sinful, and he took all your breath away as if it was nothing. He tasted sweet and smoky and he was enthralling for he was the devils incarnate, yet the most celestial being you had ever laid eyes on. You hated him, you wanted to hate him. But he was radiant and god-like and you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away, for Mark Lee was magnetic and you will forever be drawn to his sacrilegious self.

 You were panting and breathless as you took his lower lip between your teeth and looked into his amorous eyes, but he winced, and you found yourself pulling away from his swollen lips as a coppery taste lathered your tongue. You were flush against him; your immediate proximity making you blush, given the circumstances. “Sorry, I forgot- about your lip I mean,” you stammered out, feeling rather flustered.

 “I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” Mark leant forward to press his lips to yours again messily as he dragged his hands along your thighs, he couldn’t seem to sit still.

 “Mark,” you tried to pull away again, you knew he was using this situation as a distraction. He hummed as he ran one hand up your side until he was cupping your jaw, trailing his wet lips down the side of your neck. “Mark, stop.” You said firmly just as he nipped softly at the flesh under your ear, pushing him tenderly by his shoulders until he was far enough that you could look at him properly.

 “Did I do something?”, his panicked eyes searched your own for an answer.

 You sighed, “no,” as you slid off his lap and made yourself comfortable on the sofa next to him. “I just- why?”

 “Why what, baby?”

 “What did you do to deserve this?” you asked him tenderly as you crossed your legs and turned to face him, tracing your fingers from his harsh eyebrow piercing to the soft skin of his cheekbone. Under the soft light of the lamps in your living room his bruises were faint and indistinct, but they were still there. The black and blue painted on his skin somehow looked pretty, it was a deep contrast to his normal warm tone, but it didn’t exactly look bad – just sore.

 “Can we not talk about this, please?” he groaned as he dropped his head into his hands.

 “Just tell me what happened!” You argued, your voice raised a little in exasperation. You didn’t understand why he was so reluctant to talk to you about it. Everyone knew about Marks reputation, he was known for sporting the odd black eye and not holding his tongue when he should. But as you were sat next to him, you realised that you didn’t actually know why.

 “I can’t-“

 “You can, please-”

 “No, you’re staying out of this y/n,” Marks voice was deep and hoarse as he spoke loudly to you, letting you know that his decision was final.

 “Why won’t you talk to me? Doesn’t this mean anything to you?” you breathed out, as you covered your face with your hands in frustration, letting your elbows rest on your knees, you looked up at the boy before you. “Is this an act of pity or something? Did you only come in because you felt sorry for me?”

 “What? No I-,” his phone ringing cut him off before he could speak further. Mark cursed once he saw who was calling him, “I’m sorry, I have to go, I’ll see you around.” He grabbed his stuff from the table before rushing out the door to answer the phone, leaving you alone and bathing in the now strangely silent room to process everything that had just happened.

 -

  “So, tell me about Florence!”

 Lisa was finally home from her time in Italy, and she’d somehow managed to persuade you that catching up over a drink or two was a good idea. You’d never been the type to drink to get drunk, not that you hadn’t been drunk; it just didn’t happen very often. You were more of a coffee lover, that’s where you and Lisa were different. While you would spend your free time slaving over a book with a steaming mug of coffee, she would spend hers sharing secrets with strangers over a bottle of beer.  You supposed your dynamic wasn’t so different to Donghyuck and Mark, like earth versus fire, air versus water; you were somewhat dependent on eachother, the perfect contradiction.

 “It was incredible, the architecture was phenomenal, as was the art and gosh you would’ve loved the culture!” She gushed excitedly after taking a long gulp of her fruity cocktail.

 If you didn’t know her personally, you might have been jealous of Lisa. Upfront, she seemed unmistakably perfect, her hair was thick and shiny, her skin was clear, and she flourished in social settings. But you did know her, well enough to know that her happy exterior wasn’t always genuine and that she too found life to be rather stressful at times, she was just better at relieving that stress than you were; hence her tendency to party and pick up boys every now and then.

 The two of you talked back and forth about her time in Florence and your time without her, although you failed to mention anything involving Mark, the last thing you needed was Lisa breathing down your neck about something that you weren’t entirely sure about yourself. She raved about the museums and galleries she’d visited and made sure to recite each and every individual piece of art that she’d enjoyed; yes, you were jealous. You were jealous of her freedom and you were jealous of her carefree nature, you wished you could be like that. Perhaps if it weren’t for your family, you would be a little more like Lisa. You thought back to a few days prior when you were sitting behind Mark, clinging to him tightly as the two of you rode through the rain; that was the most unburdened you had felt in a long time.

 You were snapped out of your train of thought by Lisa standing up from her seat next to you at the bar, “I’ll be back in a minute,” she signaled to the bathroom before traipsing away from you, leaving you with your thoughts and a half empty glass of vodka and lemonade.  

 As you waited you found yourself casting your gaze around the busy room; the bar seemed to be teeming with students like you, apart from the odd older guy. You spent a lot of your time observing people and their actions, it was almost like a hobby, being a bystander. There were booths filled with youngsters, chanting and laughing and having the time of their lives, there were bar stools filled with friends downing shots and getting plastered, and then there was you. You, who would rather be at home, curled up and watching a movie with a bowl of shitty popcorn. So, when you were approached by a sleazy looking man who seemed to be rather under the influence, you were somewhat bewildered.

 “Two shots for this lovely lady and I!” He hollered to the barman over the blaring music as he gestured roughly towards you. He reeked of alcohol and sweat, a rather nasty combination which could absolutely not be considered attractive.

 “Oh, no I was just leaving-”

 “C’mon, just one drink!” he interrupted you, sending a ratty smile in your direction.

 “No really, I’d rather not” you raised yourself off the tall stool you had been perched on, reaching for your bag as you desperately tried to remove yourself from the situation. This was why you didn’t like going out, you were terrified of exactly what appeared to be happening right now. You felt vulnerable as soon as he appeared next to you, your instincts quickly telling you that the man before you was bad news.

 He grabbed your wrist firmly, making you wince at the abrupt action. “Don’t touch me,” you seethed as you tried to pry away his painful grip on your wrist.

 “You’re a fair handful,” he slurred as he moved closer to you, moving his other hand to clutch around your waist under your shirt, making you feel uneasy. You could feel tears of panic begin to sting at the corner of your eyes as you looked around frantically in exasperation at the fact that nobody seemed to be aware of what was going on. He pressed himself against you and you were struggling to get away from him as you felt him begin to trail his hand to your backside.

 “Get your fucking hands off her,” a familiar voice threatened from beside you, although you couldn’t quite figure out who it belonged to.

 He didn’t comply. You felt sick.

 He was suddenly ripped away from you as a large hand grasped at the neck of his shirt and a swift punch was thrown, and then another two. “I warned you,” your eyes widened at the scene which was playing out before you.

 “Mark, stop!” you shouted as soon as you recognised the dark mop of hair that you were now well-acquainted with. Of course, he didn’t listen to you.

 The drunk man tried to retaliate but was soon rendered defenseless as he took one final hit to the face and staggered backwards with blood dripping down his chin, “sorry man, didn’t realise she was yours,” he laughed as he spat blood onto the floor and disappeared into the crowd.

 You looked away from the man who was swaying away from you and, sure enough, standing before you was Mark Lee in all his grandeur. He was dressed from head to toe in black and his bruised cheek was mostly faded now, barely visible unless you were really looking for it. His knuckles looked red and sore as he splayed his hand out to check for any broken skin.

 Your devilish savior ignored his distasteful comment as he diverted his attention to you, “are you alright?”

 You shook your head, “I just need to get out of here”. You felt claustrophobic, like you couldn’t breathe. And, god, you were itching to shower and scrub off the feeling of that man’s grimy hands on your body.

 You pulled your gaze away from Mark for a second, just long enough to see Lisa walking your way from the bathroom. “Y/n? What’s going on?” she asked as she looked between you and Mark, who was standing so close that you could feel his hot breath on your neck.

 She undoubtedly knew who Mark was, everybody at your university did. He was striking in both appearance and in demeanor, although not always for the right reasons. And so, she would most likely be wondering what someone like him would be doing speaking to someone like you. The two of you were so drastically different; if he was the devil then you were the purest sinner to walk this earth. He was dripping in warning signs, he radiated bad news, yet you found yourself being drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and it would appear that he too found himself unable to shake you from his mind.

 “Nothing, it’s fine.”

 “Why is he here?” she nodded to the boy standing behind you, sending you a look of questioning.

 You heard Mark scoff under his breath as you glanced round to him, trying to think up an excuse to leave the bar that wouldn’t lead to a lengthy conversation with Lisa later.

 “Something came up, I’m sorry. I can’t stay,” you offered her with pleading eyes, praying she would understand your need to leave, even if she didn’t know the reason behind it.

 “Alright, be safe,” she responded with a sigh and a quick hug, and with that, you turned on your heel and walked quickly out the door.

 You could feel Marks presence behind you as you walked along the pavement with your head hung low, your feet dragging and scuffing along the stone as you sifted through the multitude of thoughts that had gathered in your head. The two of you walked in a comfortable silence for a while, you breathed in the cold city air and exhaled heavily through your mouth as you tilted your head to gaze up at the dark sky which was faintly painted with the warm glow of the city lights.

 You could breathe clearly out in the fresh air, the sticky heat of the bar finally cooling on your skin; it wasn’t a particularly nice feeling but it was better than being coated in the sensation of a strangers touch.

 Your phone buzzed, pulling you out of your trance-like state, you reached into your pocket and fished it out, stopping dead in your tracks as you read the message on your lit-up screen.

 [dad]

One of my business associates just saw you leaving a bar with that boy, remember what I told you, y/n.

 You rushed to turn around as you looked back along the long stretch of street in search of someone looking at the two of you, but you saw no one. You were nearing the canal just to the west of the city centre and the street lighting was limited, not giving you the best view of the road you’d just walked down. Mark looked at you in confusion as he lifted his hands to rest on your shoulders and looked into your fiery eyes, “is everything okay?”

 You shook your head and shrugged off his hold on you, already beginning to walk again, more hurriedly this time. “You have to leave, Mark,” you told him firmly as you breathed in shakily.

 “What, why?” he questioned as he crept up beside you, easily matching your determined stride.

 “Please just- it’s for your own safety, I can’t be seen with you,” you told him truthfully, knowing that it sounded a little harsh. Your dad was, however, a powerful man, and you didn’t doubt for a second that he would do whatever he deemed necessary to get what he wanted; and if he wanted you to stop seeing Mark, then he would not hesitate to dispose of him in some way. All for his stupid business and riches. All your parents seemed to care about was their reputation, as long as their names, yours included, were untarnished, the company would keep raking in stacks of money and numerous money-making deals. And they would do whatever they had to, get rid of whoever they had to, in order to keep it that way. They’d been like this for as long as you could remember and there was no part of you that would ever be able to challenge your father’s threats. Because that’s what they were; threats. And he meant every word that he said.

 “Y/n, what the hell are you talking about? If this is about the bar or the other night then I’m sorry I-,” he shut up when you turned to face him once more and gripped both his hands in yours, lacing them together intimately. His brows furrowed as he looked down to your interlaced fingers and then back up to your eyes.

 “Please, Mark.”

 “I don’t understand?”

 You sighed up at the dangerous boy before you, trying to think of an appropriate way of telling him that your father probably wanted to kill him just for being near you. “My dad doesn’t – he doesn’t like you”

 “Your dad? I haven’t ever met him, though?” his face twists as he processes the information, struggling to fathom how your father could possibly have an opinion on someone who he’d never even spoken to before.

 “That doesn’t matter, you don’t exactly-,” you paused and chewed at your bottom lip, tilting your head to look at your feet and lowering your voice to a whisper, “- have the best reputation.”

 He squeezed your intertwined hands comfortingly as he sighed, dragging your hands up to rest around his neck gently before circling his arms around your waist and pulling you close to him.

 Mark wasn’t particularly proud of his not-so-perfect character, he knew that people talked about him, he knew that he didn’t do himself any favours by consistently sporting some form of bruising or blemish and getting himself into fights. But Mark was soft, too. He had a heart of gold when it mattered; he was like the purest form of oxygen in a smoky room, he never failed to show his good side when his loved ones were in need.

 “I’m not all bad, you know, princess” he chuckled soothingly, his breath tickling against your face.  

 Your fingers played with the soft tufts of hair at the nape of his neck, “I don’t want you to get hurt-,” you started, stopping to think quickly. You weren’t sure where these feelings were coming from. You’d barely known Mark until a couple of weeks ago, the two of you having never payed eachother any great amount of attention before, but Donghyuck had introduced him into your life and now you couldn’t seem to shake him from your mind.

 “-because for some reason, I care about whether you get hurt or not,” you laughed breathlessly, rolling your eyes as you looked up to the sky once more, perhaps searching for the answers to all the questions swimming around in your head at the moment.

 “Can I kiss you?”

 You shook your head, chuckling nervously at his question, it was so very Mark. He managed to completely ignore your concern, instead opting to act on his own thoughts. “Have you listened to anything I’ve said?” you said in exasperation, feeling somewhat frustrated.

 “Yes, I have, but I don’t care, y/n. I’m not going to leave, your dad doesn’t scare me, and you make my heart beat far faster than I’d ever care to admit - I know you feel it too. So please, y/n, let me just have this,” he pulled you closer by your waist as he let himself wear his heart on his sleeve momentarily, pleadingly looking into your eyes.

 “He’ll kill you, you know,” you warned faintly.

 “I can take care of myself.”

 “I know I just- I think you’re underestimating this. He’s powerful and he warned me to stay away from you. Hell, you barely even know me, Mark, I’m really not worth this-,” you gasped as you felt one of his large hands squeeze your waist and he used the opportunity to shut you up completely, mumbling a soft “stop talking,” before pressing his lips to yours in one swift motion.

 You stayed like that for a moment, your body flushed against Marks chest as he held you tightly to him, as if he were afraid that you would disappear if he wasn’t too careful. He soon pulled back just far enough to rest his forehead against yours, his eyes still closed. You admired his dark lashes fluttering against his satin skin and the way his lips were full and wet from your kiss, he was breathtaking. You couldn’t deny your attraction to him, your heart practically begging to be released from its cage whenever he was close to you like this; he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

 “This is dangerous,” you whispered, encouraging him to open his doe eyes as he parted his lips a little in thought.

 “You look so good right now, I just- I can’t,” he stumbled over his words, his voice breaking under your gaze. “God, I like you so much.”

 You would have giggled at how he sounded like a schoolboy if he hadn’t kissed you again, gliding his right hand up your body until he was cupping your velvety skin and pulling you closer still. He kissed you with so much feeling and emotion, you barely recognised him as the boy you had first met anymore. His cold, harsh exterior completely melting away under your gentle touch. He let himself groan as you kissed him back with just as much ardour, letting your tongue gently pry his lips apart as you tried to convey your feelings for him. You let yourself momentarily forget the posing threat from your dad, enjoying Marks successful attempt at distracting you from it.

 His touch was fiery-hot, his hands leaving a burning trail in their wake as he touched you delicately, as though you were a doll who might break if you fell into the wrong hands. He pulled away once more and grasped your hand in his before leading you away from the canal and towards his home.

 -

 Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of a hushed voice nearby, propping yourself up with one hand and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes with the other. You blinked groggily several times before you managed to keep your eyes open for long enough to sit up with your legs dangling off the side of the unfamiliar mattress, the cool air of the room making your hairs stand on end. You looked down at your cold legs and noticed that you were only wearing an oversized shirt with your underwear – the shirt, you recalled, was Mark’s.

 He’d brought you back home with him last night, you didn’t really feel like going home and explaining the events of the night to Lisa. Your brain was still half asleep and hazy as you tried to recall all that had happened yesterday; you could remember Mark offering to sleep on the sofa, but you also recounted that you’d asked him if he could stay with you, his presence alone helping you feel at-ease. He made sure to keep his distance, to keep to his side of the bed, even if he was itching to reach across the sea of sheets to hold you. He made you feel warm and safe and at-ease and that scared you a little – how quickly he’d earned your trust, if that’s what you could call it.

 You couldn’t make out the muffled voice coming from next door, but you imagined he was probably just on the phone to someone. You stifled a yawn as you reached for your phone, which had been thrown onto the carpeted floor by the mattress in haste before you knocked out fast asleep last night. The time was only just gone 7am, you wondered who Mark could be speaking to this early, a friend possibly? A parent? It was when you thought about things like this that you realised just how little you really knew about him. You knew that he liked living more dangerously than most, that he had an unhealthy love for driving his motorcycle too fast, too late, and too often, you also knew of his friendship with Donghyuck; but after that, you struggled to find anything you could add to the list. You barely knew the boy.

 “Sorry, did I wake you?” he called from the doorway, startling you out of your tired thoughts. You looked up and felt the air leave your lungs as you saw him; he looked ethereal. He was leaning with his left shoulder against the flakily-painted frame, his navy-blue hoodie was too big and his honey-coloured collarbones were only half hidden by the drooping neck of his bed-attire. His boxers were fitted to his thighs and you had to pull your gaze away to stop the inevitable blush that would otherwise creep up your neck. He’d probably already noticed your staring, anyway.

 “Yeah, but it’s okay,” you said groggily as you stretched your arms back to relieve your aching shoulder-blades – you must have slept on them funny.

 You made the effort to stand up but were swiftly turned back around as Mark placed his warm hand on the small of your back and guided you back to the plush mess of bedding and blankets. You lay back down on your side, with your head facing the door and your back to Marks side of the bed. The sheets smelled of him, you realised. A little musky perhaps, like cinnamon and spice. His aroma was warm and comforting as you pulled the duvet up to rest just beneath your chin to try and keep out the chill of the room, your hands clasping together just below the covers. You felt the bed dip as he sunk into the pillows beside you, his breathing was shallow and yet you could somehow still just make it out over the quiet sounds of the city outside waking up.

 “Do you mind if I- can I lay with you?” he asked you, sounding unusually shy, although maybe it was just his lack of sleep.

 “You lay with me last night, Mark” you chuckled.

 “No, I mean-,” he cut himself off, shuffling around behind you until you felt his arm reach around your waist tenderly. His chest was radiating his body heat, just a couple of centimeters from touching yours. “Like this,” he whispered in your ear, softly pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear as he grasped your clasped hands in his blindly.

 “Oh” you replied, barely there. He made your brain go mushy and you were still so tired, having not gone to sleep until late. You wiggled yourself backwards a little, just enough so that you could feel his heartbeat on your clothed back as arm tightened around you. “Let’s just stay like this forever, it’s so nice,” you murmured, letting your eyes fall shut as you basked in Marks warm embrace.

 A few hours later, you find yourself back in your apartment. You’re nestled into the warmth of your sofa with your legs tucked into your chest and a pillow hugged tight to your chest. Lisa was sat next to you, in an equally relaxed position, her fluffy socks tickling at your side faintly.

 “He gave you a ride? Twice? On his bike?” she repeated fragments of what you’d told her back to you. You’d told her more than that, but her eyes grew wide the second you had mentioned Marks name. You nodded in response, “yes?”

 She breathed out heavily, “he’s hot too, do you know what you’re getting into?” she wiggled her eyebrows at you, making you laugh and throw the pillow you were hugging at her. She shrugged, “hey! I’m just saying, the attractive ones always cause the most trouble”.

 You didn’t reply, instead you placed your head in your hands and lulled to the side, looking up at her and sighing like a lovesick puppy. “I really like him, Lisa,” you mumbled, the atmosphere turning more serious, “I just don’t wanna get hurt”.

 “You have to see past that. Live a little, y/n, let yourself loose for a bit,” she told you. You knew that she was probably right, and that she was only encouraging you to do what she knew best. It was easy for Lisa to say that, she was renowned for her extroverted, care-free personality, and you did sometimes envy that. But maybe it was time to take a leaf from her book, you didn’t know what would happen with Mark, you just knew that there was a strong connection between you two that you couldn’t ignore anymore. You couldn’t keep fighting against it. No matter how much you willed yourself to hate him, you never could. He was so much softer than you thought, there was more substance to him.

 He was bright and full and carefree, almost the exact opposite to you. He was a little similar to Lisa, actually, just more devious. More devilish. You could see that his harsh front was beginning to melt around you, though. You seemed to have some kind of effect on him, and he hated that. You loved it. You found yourself wanting to get to know the boy hidden beneath all those layers of toughened-up skin. “Maybe I will,” you replied, with a knowing smile on your face.

 -

 Your lips parted as you panted, out of breath as you pulled back for air, throwing a quick glance to your buzzing phone, signaling yet another call from your father; you ignored it. Marks lips trailed lazily down your neck as he kissed faint flowering bruises into your soft skin, his teeth occasionally nipping and biting at the juncture of your neck. You closed your eyes in bliss and threaded your fingers through his curly, raven hair, tugging at it to signal your enjoyment.

 Your father had been texting you and leaving you voicemail messages frequently over the past week. At first you were concerned for Marks safety, but it seemed that his threats were empty as nothing had come of them yet. And so, you found yourself seated in Marks lap for the third time that week. He let out a low groan as you tugged at his hair once more and shifted slightly in his lap, “stop moving, baby,” he mumbled into the crook of your neck, wrapping his arms around your waist tightly as he squeezed you into his embrace.

 A knock at the door of Marks small, one-bed apartment stilled the pair of you. He lifted his head up to look at you with a cheeky smile, “what?” you looked down at him with wide eyes.

 “You’ll see,” he replied as he placed a soft kiss on your plump lips before picking you up off his lap and placing you down on the warm blanket-covered sofa, you crossed your legs and looked up to him in anticipation.

 He padded over to the front door, just out of your line of sight, you heard him open the door and engage in conversation with the visitor. You glanced around the room and took in your surroundings, observing, as you always did. You’d been in Marks apartment two or three times by now, he seemed to keep it relatively clean, everything seemed to have its place.  You squinted as you noticed a sliver of silver on the bookshelf in the corner of the room, it seemed to be an expensive looking watch, a rolex, perhaps. It looked to be of that sort of style. You wondered briefly how Mark would come by such an expensive watch but didn’t think much of it, perhaps it was a family heirloom?

 Your gaze trailed down as you noticed a hard, black case protruding from its space under the shelf. It didn’t look like a briefcase, in fact it looked to be rather heavy-duty and you wondered what on earth Mark would have one for, you’d only ever seen things like that when people were housing weapons or something similar. You knew this because your father liked to keep cases full of handguns around your house, not that you were supposed to know, you were merely a curious child who went snooping where you shouldn’t have.

 “Hey, so pepperoni or cheese?” you snapped your gaze from the case over to Mark who was just emerging from the hallway to the front door, two greasy pizza boxes in hand. A warm smile lit up your face as the delicious smell of pizza filled the room, “you ordered pizza?”

 “Yeah, I figured you’d be hungry, you do like pizza, right?”

 “Of course,” you hummed, shuffling over to make room for Mark to sit next to you.

 You spent the next two hours sharing the food between you and talking, laughing like normal youngsters should. It felt good to finally be in each other’s company without watching your back or worrying about the future. You had the television on in the background, it was playing an old black and white film that you weren’t really paying attention to, and you felt at home.

 Mark placed the empty boxes on the coffee table once you’d finished with them, pulling you into him and tangling his legs with yours as you rested your head on his chest and listened to his quickened heartbeat. “What do you do? You know, when you’re not causing trouble”

 He visibly tensed at your question and looked away from you as he thought of what to reply “I work for a company, just running errands. It’s nothing special,” he shrugged, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You mind if I smoke?” you shook your head.

 “That sounds a bit boring,” you yawned into his chest, feeling the vibrations of his chest as he let out a soft laugh. He leaned over you momentarily to reach for his pack of cigarettes before leaning back again and fishing his lighter from his pocket.

 “Yeah, I guess it is,” he replied as he caught a cigarette between his lips and brought his lighter up to encase the stick in a flame, leaving behind a glowing tip. He took a long drag, letting his eyes flutter shut in bliss for a second before blowing the smoke out, angling his head up so as to not blow it in your direction.

 “Why don’t you quit?” you coughed a little, fanning away the smoke that had snaked its way down to you.

 “Smoking or work?”

 “Work,” you chuckled, glancing up at him and tracing a finger along his jawline. Admiring the way his jaw flexed as he exhaled another plume of smoke.

“It pays well”

 “You get paid well for running errands?” you raised an eyebrow at him, not quite believing his reasoning.

 “Yes?”

 Before you can say anything else, Marks phone rings from its place on the floor by the empty pizza boxes. “Shit I better get that-,” he lifted the cigarette from his lips and stubbed it out in the ashtray on the table after taking a final, lengthy drag from the glowing stick.

 “It’s okay, I should probably head home anyway,” you cut him off, it was getting late and you didn’t plan on staying the night, you had a 9am lecture the next morning.

 “Alright, baby. Get home safe,” he stood up, pulling you up with him and pulling you in to press a peck on your supple lips, and then another slightly more drawn out kiss before you dragged yourself away from him, not wanting to get carried away. He tasted like wispy smoke and peppermint again and you could so easily get lost in his lips, the effort to pull away proving to be gallant.

 “I’ll see you later,” you blushed up at him, fiddling with the sleeves of your jumper. You turned your back and walked towards the exit, hearing him pick up his phone and answer the incessant ringing. His voice was muffled through the thin wall of his main corridor, and although you knew it was wrong, you found yourself listening.

 “Hey, Sicheng. What’s up?”

 “No, not yet. Hey, can we talk about this later? Now’s not a good time, man.”

 You could picture Mark furrowing his brows in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration, smiling softly to yourself as you slipped on your shoes.

 “Yeah, y/n just left, actually”

 “Yes, Sicheng. I know”

 “I’ll do it soon, I swear”

 Your ears perked up at the mention of your name and you suddenly felt like you were invading his privacy by staying and listening to this conversation. You didn’t feel comfortable hearing information you probably shouldn’t have been privy to. And so, you slipped out of Marks warm apartment as quietly as you could and walked home at a brisk pace, eager to jump into the comfort of your own bed and fall asleep.

 -

 “That’s all for today, don’t forget your deadline next week!” you stood up from your seat in the lecture hall and stuffed your laptop and notebook into your scruffy bag before walking down the stairs to the exit. You’d just finished a two-hour lecture on the history of fine art, the one part of your major that you didn’t absolutely love. It’s not that you didn’t find it interesting, you just felt that it dragged on sometimes; half an hour felt like twice as long in that class.

 You left the room as quickly as you could, already imagining how good your Thursday latte would taste once you made it to the coffee shop. You were too wrapped up in your own thoughts to notice the boy walking in your direction until you bumped into a firm structure, far broader and taller than your own.

 You looked up and smiled as your eyes were met with the pretty sight of Mark’s curly black hair - messy as always, yet still so perfect. “Hi” you grimaced up at him through your lashes.

 “Hey, princess-” he chuckled, “-mind if I join you?” He didn’t give you time to reply as he took your hand in his and pulled you out of your lecture building. “I’m guessing you’re heading to Hyuck’s café?”

 “Yeah” you replied quietly as you glanced down at your intertwined hands, a rosy blush spreading its way up your neck and onto the apples of your cheeks, you tried not to smile too much. You hated the effect he had on you. He had the ability to turn you into a blushing mess at the drop of a hat, and he made it look so easy, it’s like he didn’t even have to try. You wiggled your way out of his grasp, remembering that you were in public. The last thing you wanted was for one of your dads associates to report something back to him, again.

 “How was your day?” he peered across to you, ignoring the way you had separated yourself from him.

 “It’s been alright, pretty standard. How did you know where to find me?” you replied in question, wiggling your eyebrows up at him, “stalker” you giggled, watching as he opened his mouth to respond, shutting it before he could say anything. He looked like a fish.

 “You mind if we take the bike?” he nodded his head towards the striking motorcycle just ahead of you, it wasn’t parked very carefully. He had obviously just pulled up and jumped off in a rush.

 “Oh, it’s okay I can just walk-”

 “Nonsense, baby. Hop on,” he picked up his helmet, placing it on your head and fastening the strap under your chin. “Perfect” he smiled once he was done, admiring how you looked in the soft light of the early evening for the first time. His smile was sad, though you didn’t really think anything of it.

 The two of you usually crossed paths when the sun had set, and the stars were visible for the night, it was nice to see Mark in the golden hour of the day for once. His skin was glowing as he bathed in the light, his black curly hair a stark contrast as his messy locks fell against his forehead and into his eyes. He looked breathtaking, although you supposed that shouldn’t really come as a surprise to you anymore; Mark always looked breathtaking, ethereal even. It was as if he was sculpted by the gods themselves, his beauty truly not of this world.

 You rode through the city, the warm air blowing your hair over your shoulders as your arms automatically wrapped themselves snugly around Marks toned core.

 You found yourself in a state of serenity when you were close to him like this. His warmth and his intoxicating aroma were the deadliest of all combinations. Truthfully, if Mark was an erupting volcano, you would most likely swim towards his lethal inferno. You didn’t understand why you felt this way; he had some unknown, invisible control over you and you were sure you were already addicted.

 “Oh, crap,” you heard under a hushed breath from in front of you. Mark was looking from side to side in a frantic motion, his sudden state of distress immediately alarming you.

 “Mark?” he muttered something that you didn’t quite catch, ignoring your questioning plea. The air around you turned static at the revving of an engine or two coming from right behind you. The hairs on the back of your neck raised into goosebumps and you called out his name once more.

 “It’s fine, baby- shit-” you heard a sharp intake of breath and you lifted your head slightly so that you could rest your forehead on Marks shoulder, letting your eyes screw tightly shut.

 The bike swerved violently to the right as you heard the first gun-shot ring out, it’s deafening sound leaving a painful ringing in your ears. “What the fuck was that? Was that a gun-shot? Holy crap, oh my God-” you stopped yourself and were now verging on terrified as you buried your face further into his warm body. “Mark? What’s going on?”

 “Just hold on real tight, okay?” he briefly glanced back to your quivering, hunched over figure, placing a reassuring hand on the lower part of your thigh, hoping to send you some form of comfort – it didn’t really work. “We’re gonna be fine”

 He seemed determined to get you both out of this mess unscathed, urging his bike to reach dangerous speeds as he steered you both through the bustling traffic of the city, weaving between cars and turning down backstreets, trying desperately to lose your unwanted companions. His entire body was tensed - you could feel it. The adrenaline that was rushing through his blood was causing his veins to pulsate and protrude and his arms were firm with concentration, his grip on the handles of his motorcycle never wavering.

 Another shot rang out. The bike juddered speedily along a small one-way street as you both felt the impact of a bullet nestling itself into the framework; luckily not hindering your getaway speed. “For fucks sake” he cursed as he noted the damage to his precious motorcycle.

 You were muttering a mantra under your breath as you prayed to the Gods that you didn’t believe in; you prayed to Ares and Dionysus and Hades. You chanted and begged to Marks Godlike entity, willing the gunfire to end and for you to be able to have him in piece. You just wanted to be with Mark. That was all. You wanted to enjoy his presence without constantly feeling the watchful gaze of someone lurking in the shadows. You’d been on edge about it ever since you’d received that text, maybe this was your punishment. Perhaps you’d have to endure this as your comeuppance, your retribution for disobeying your fathers’ wishes. What you didn’t realise, however, was that your father wasn’t your greatest threat.

 The wind only grew colder as you sped along the quiet streets, it seemed that Mark was leading you out of the city and away from the bustling streets. The cloud of polluted air covering the city faded until you could only smell fresh, salty air and the never-ending traffic blurred into the soft sound of waves crashing against the sand of the nearby beach. Mark had brought you to the sea.

 “They’re gone” he called over his shoulder as you slowed to a halt at the empty end of the beach. You didn’t dare move from your place behind him, holding him so tightly you feared you may be suffocating him, but he didn’t complain. He instead hung his head low and released his grip on the handlebars, opting to drop his head into his hands and let out the breath he’d been holding in for the past fifteen minutes. “C’mon”.

 You took the hand that Mark offered you once he’d stepped onto the rotting wood of the boardwalk next to you, letting him help your shaking form stand up. You looked up at him with fearful eyes, you didn’t know what to think. Who were they? Had your dad sent them after Mark? After you? You weren’t sure if you wanted to know, you were just glad to be standing back on your own two feet and by the safety of the ocean. You felt safe with Mark, regardless.

You let him guide you down the grassy dunes and onto the soft white sand, neither of you exchanging any words for quite some time. You were in shock, perhaps. You weren’t really sure where to begin. The two of you took your time drinking in the lengthy stretch of sand before you, hands loosely linked together in an attempt to reassure one another that you were both okay.

 It was Mark who spoke up first. He let out a shaky sigh after you’d been walking aimlessly along the beach for several painfully silent minutes. “I guess I should probably start talking, right?” he let out a nervous laugh and lifted his free hand to rub at the back of his neck, something you’d picked up on as a nervous habit of his.

 You looked up at him, the look in your eyes enough to tell him that he should explain himself.

 “The company I work for, the errands I run aren’t exactly legal” he started, not even able to look you in the eye as he spoke. “I’m so sorry you’re caught up in this, y/n,” his voice breaking as he spoke.

 “What do you mean? I’m not caught up in anything. We lost them, Mark. We’re alright.” You stopped walking, tugging on his hand until he turned around and stood in front of you. The almighty, Godlike figure you’d first met suddenly looked like a trembling mess, his tough gaze breaking under your scrutiny.

 “God, I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you.” Mark whispered softly as he looked into your eyes, his pupils flitting around your face, he seemed uneasy. You weren’t entirely sure you’d heard him correctly, though. Mark loved you. He loved you, and you were too stupid to see it. “Why did it have to be you?”

 As you looked up at the raven-haired boy, you realised something. Or rather, you understood something. You understood what it felt like to have something that you never wanted to lose. In the few fleeting weeks you’d known Mark, you’d grown to care for him. His towering frame made you feel small and helpless but being in his presence somehow also made you feel powerful and free. When you were with him, it felt like nothing else mattered, he was everything; he was the air that you breathed, the drug that you were addicted to, the celestial being that you didn’t know you craved so badly until he’d first kissed you. You needed him, and perhaps you did love him, even after only a short time, you’d grown so attached.

 He plucked his phone from his pocket and looked at the text he’d seemingly just received, swiftly putting it back in his pocket before you could see, “Not now, God. Not yet.” He muttered frantically, he was manic, the look in his eyes unlike anything he’d ever expressed to you before.

 “This wasn’t the plan, this wasn’t meant to happen. I’ve fucked this all up and I cannot express how sorry I truly am-,” he cut his rambling off when you reached up to cup his face in the smooth palms of your hands, stroking your thumbs lovingly over his cheeks. He was a wreck, a trembling cage of beauty in your hands, and you wanted nothing more than to kiss his fears away.

 “They gave me an assignment and I don’t know what I was thinking when I accepted it,” he searched your eyes in panic, lifting his own large palms to cover your dainty hands, pulling your hands down to rest on his broad chest. “They’ll kill me if I don’t deliver, I always complete my missions, I-” he heaved out a deep breath and gave himself a moment to think. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

 “Baby, it’s okay. We can figure this out together, alright?” you were calm as you spoke, although your heart was racing ninety to the dozen. You were scared, yes. But Mark made you feel safe, you had nothing to fear when you were with him, that much you were sure of now.

 You grasped his hands tightly in yours as he held them against his own chest, the thundering beat of his heart hard to miss. “I love you.”

 “Let me love you, Mark,” you trained your eyes on his lips and leaned into him, melting into his embrace completely the second your lips met his. You kissed him so delicately, letting your feelings mold into every fibre of his being with each and every peck, each time your lips met becoming more and more heavenly. He wrapped you up in his arms and you couldn’t possibly be any closer to one another no matter how hard you tried; your chests were pressed flush against each other, your hands touching every inch of skin as your tongues met in a passionate dance.

 “Don’t shut me out any longer,” you gasped as you broke away for air momentarily, before reattaching your lips to his in a drawn-out kiss. “I can’t get enough of you, Mark,” you panted, digging your fingertips into his shoulders in utter, blown-out bliss.

 Marks hands travelled from yours to meet around your waist, your lower back, your hips, your neck. He was touching you everywhere, like it was the last time he would touch you, kiss you, like this. His lips sucked on yours and his kisses were feverish and open mouthed, his thigh propped between your legs as he tried to keep you both steady. He finally settled one of his hands to rest between your ear and your jaw, pulling away to admire your wind-swept state in the heat of the moment. “You’re beautiful, y/n. You know that?” you could see tears beginning to form in the corners of the gorgeous, doe eyes you’d fallen into so deeply, his gaze leering so heavily into your own.

 He pressed a final, barely-there kiss to your supple lips before dropping his head into the crook of your neck languidly. His hot breath stuttered against your neck, your hairs standing on end as you bathed in his being. His hold on you felt like molten lava against your skin, his very touch burning hot onto your sensitive skin, leaving red trails wherever his fingertips travelled.

 “I love you, please forgive me,” he sounded distraught.

 You felt a shiver run down your spine at his words, and another shiver once you felt the cold metal come between your bodies, although you didn’t have time to react before you felt it, before you heard it. The sound in itself would have been enough to make you faint, it was piercing and deadly and you were gone. The gun between you fell to the floor as Mark shook violently in horror at your now limp body, which had now fallen, crumbled lifelessly into his arms. Your heart. He’d shot you straight through your heart, he’d put a bullet through all your love for him.

 “I’m so sorry,” he was hysterical, yet unnervingly tranquil at the same time.  

 “They told me I had to kill you. Your fathers’ company is our biggest threat and I-,” he paused, shaking his head as the tears began to cascade silently down his cheeks. “I had to do it. I had to make him vulnerable, I had to put work first.”

 “I didn’t have a choice, I’m so fucking sorry, y/n,” he lowered himself to the ground and sobbed as his arms thrashed into your unmoving body, his fists clenching at your blood-soaked clothes. The colour drained from your skin and in turn, Marks face paled in trepidation, his heart felt heavy, yet so incredibly empty. He loves you, but he’d shot you. You were dead.

[noirewrites]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug, Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences 1| 2| 3| 4

@miraculousfanworks​ @art-the-f-up​

I have finally tagged all asks, story updates and fanarts on my main blog (@MiniNoire) using the #2043 ml dbh au tag so feel free to check it out!!

Insight into chapter 4 below:

She didn’t know why she was here. And she couldn’t help but stare at the glass that contained her strong Manhattan and wonder about what had dragged her to the bar in the first place.

  She half blamed the guilt that had accompanied her for ignoring Kagami earlier. The hot-headed Tsurugi may not have known it, but her insult had hit Marinette right in the heart.

  It reminded her of what she had lost in her two-year seclusion. The joy, the comfort, the happiness of friendship.

After all, the loss of her only source of comfort had been the reason for her seclusion from the world. And what hurt more was that this time, there was no one to comfort her at all. She had neither shared her pain with anyone then, nor with anyone now. 

  “Loneliness doesn’t suit you, you know.”

She chuckled mirthlessly at the comforting voice in her head, shaking the bangs out of her eyes as she smoothed down her ponytail. “Yeah, but I’m not alone.”

  “I hardly believe you.”

“Heh, I hardly believe myself either. But—” she picked up her cocktail glass, twirling it lightly by the stem, “—I’ve this beaaaautiful Manhattan to keep me company, the feeling of loneliness itself, and….” Her voice trailed off, as she held back a sob. Finally, she managed to let out a broken whisper, “...your voice. It’s comforting, y’know?”

  “Aww dear, don’t be sad now.”

“I-I can’t help it, I-I really can't.”

  “Not even if I say pretty please? Just a smile? At least for me? Okay, how about a hug?”

“You know that...” she snivelled a bit, her conscious coming back to her for a fleeting moment. “... that I could always use a hug from you, right?”

  An expectant part in her waited for the warm, soothing embrace, of the smell of fresh pine tickling her senses. But when the feeling of emptiness followed her statement, Marinette felt like someone had pulled her heart out and stomped on it, crushing every shred of hope it held, right in front of her eyes.

But she didn’t let her emotions win. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t.

  She had been a god damned Sergeant, she knew how to control her emotions.

Even when they ate her alive from within. Even when they made her talk to thin air, and made her seem like a drunk idiot.

  Slamming her fist on the table as she took a swig of her drink, Marinette looked around the bar. People were dancing, drinking, chatting, and some were making out in the dark corners. 

She sighed, turning her attention back to the empty spot in front of her. She neither knew anyone here, nor was she interested in getting to know anyone.

  Suddenly, a yelp caught her attention. She turned around to find a petite brunette fallen on the ground, quivering away from a clearly annoyed man.

Ah, the usual bar shenanigans.

  Marinette would have recluded back to her own small bubble, ignoring the commotion like the other people had. However, her blood boiled on seeing the burly man raise his hand to hit the woman.

Slamming her drink down, she marched over to the scene and twisted the man’s arm behind his back, catching him and the brunette by surprise. 

  “Tch tch, mister Burly,” she said in a voice laced with fake pity. “It’s 2043. Still using ya good ol’ strength against weak women? How pathetic.”

“Mind your own business, woman!” the man hollered.

  “I would, but sadly, this is my business. So, I ask ya… very civilly... to leave that girl alone and get the fuck outta here.”

“You drunk bitch!” He screamed, turning his head towards her. His breath stank of alcohol. “Who the hell do you think you are?!”

  Marinette did her best not to gag. “Would you really like to know…" she growled, getting herself together as she twisted his arm a little more and elicited a slightly feminine yelp from him, "...at the cost of your bones?”

The man shook his head fervently, causing Marinette to finally leave him. Massaging at his bones, he staggered away from her, before glaring at the fallen brunette and scampering off.

  Marinette turned to the young woman, offering an arm to lift her up. 

“I-uh, thanks a lot. Really,” she said, her olive eyes tearing up in gratitude.

  The ravenette flashed her a small smile. “No worries, Missy. Though for future references, bumping into people in bars and falling in love….that’s something happening in movies only. In real life, you’re opting to get your ass handed to ya on a silver platter. Hopefully decorated,” she added with a wink.

The woman laughed. “I will surely keep it in mind for future. Thanks for saving me again. And uhh…” She fiddled with her fingers a bit, before asking, “Would you like to have a drink with me? I’ll pay! And no, don’t worry, it’s not some way to make you fall in love with me or something…”

  Marinette chuckled lightly. “Well, if it helps ya feel comforted, I guess one more drink won’t do any harm.”

The woman beamed at her. “Lila Rossi. Nice to meet you!”

  Marinette glanced at the extended hand, then at the woman’s face, then back at her hand. Slowly, she placed her hand in Lila’s, feeling the comforting warmth that emanated from the human skin.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, The pleasure’s all mine.”

[chatsanova]

Have Another Go At It and Hope For More Than Change: Ch 1

I’ve been sitting on this AU for a while and quarantine as left me more than enough time to write so here so trauma and angst ML fic. There’s some time fuckery, and swearing, as well as major character deaths (think Infinity War here)

AO3

“Cat Noir get back!” Chaos fills Paris as akuma victims attack from all sides.

“I’m not leaving you, my lady!” Bee, Rena, and Carapace have all fallen. It was just the two of them, with no options left.

“Noir, I’m not asking!” Hawkmoth and Paon, now a lot more powerful than the months before, attacked on both fronts, Le Paon causing large and terrifying creatures from the nightmares of people passed out on the streets. Ladybug lost her yo-yo to the reincarnated Jack-ady, Cat Noir’s staff broken in half by Dark Blade. They both had used through their Miraculous. Cataclysm barely effective, the Lucky Charm postponed the inevitable. They were surrounded by past villains, new and old. Some of them seemed to hold a grudge from the last time they were defeated. These were citizens of Paris that Ladybug had failed. She should have known it wasn’t enough to just capture akumas. She should have gone to the source. She should have been proactive. This was her fault.

“Fall back!” Cat screams but Ladybug’s thoughts drive her to hesitate and in a rumbling of the streets Stoneheart picks up Ladybug crushing her body down hard. She screams in pain and passes out in his hand.

“LADYBUG!” tears spill down his cheeks as he scrambles for some semblance of a plan. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. Today was supposed to be normal.

The booming voice of Hawkmoth shakes the streets, “CAT NOIR, I’VE CAPTURED LADYBUG. I HAVE HER MIRACULOUS. GIVE UP YOURS AND I WILL GRANT YOU YOUR LIFE.”

Cat Noir collapses on the ground, holding back dry heaving sobs. Stoneheart releases Ladybug in front of Hawkmoth, her body drops like a sack of bricks. He can hear the thud. Hawkmoth reaches down. Cat Noir is stuck. Body heavy, tired. He can’t move, solidified to the ground as if he is part of it. He needs to save her. She’s hurt, she’s...about to be revealed. He has to… save her. He rises from the ground.

“I have to say, Cat Noir,” Hawkmoth drags out his words, as if he has all the time in the world, “You... are... loyal. Bring him to me.”

Someone, he doesn’t know who, lifts Cat Noir off the ground to drop him off at Hawkmoth’s feet. He buckles once more, pathetically. His knees are weak, and every muscle in his body shakes from exhaustion. Hawkmoth leans over and removes an earring from Ladybug’s ear. “No,” he attempts to scream, but his voice cracks instead. He wants to close his eyes, for her sake, but it’s too late. Her transformation slips off as Hawkmoth removes the second earring. Marinette. He thought about how he would react to this many nights before. What his reaction might be to seeing who his lady is. Would they see each other and have sudden epiphanies about how much they loved each other and celebrate with a dance atop the Eiffel Tower or the Notre Dame Cathedral? Together they could do anything. A joyful celebration of mutual love and respect seems so far away it might as well be a different universe. He sobs. He sees everything that she is. He loves her and didn’t save her. He didn’t stop this. He never ever wanted it to be this way. Quickly, pushing the hurt from his mind, he remembers where is his: on his knees in front of Hawkmoth. His sobs turn to anger.

“I can see it in you, Cat Noir. You’d do anything for her.” He’s tired and stiff, but can still retort with, “Including kill you.” If Ladybug and Cat Noir were balanced, and Ladybug was gone, what was he capable of?

“Bold words from someone who can barely stand. But you are missing the point. You and I, we are the same.” Ah yes, that thing villains love to do: pretend they are heroes after taking over the entire city of Paris.

“Don’t you ever compare me to you.” he spits at Hawkmoth’s feet.

“I would also do anything for the woman I love. That’s what this is all for. I lost my wife, and I intend to get her back.”

Then Le Paon walks out rolling a woman in a glass tube out onto the roof where they stand, then walks away again. Apparently she has better things to do. When he sees the encased woman, Cat Noir’s heart plummets. If it was possible to feel worse, kneeling next to Marinette’s limp body, he did. His mother. His mother is in that tube. My wife. Cat Noir retches.

“With the powers of the Ladybug’s and Cat Noir’s miraculous, I can bring her back to me. Nothing else matters. Nothing.”

“Not even your son?”

“What?”

“Tell me Hawkmoth, where is your son right now?”

Hawkmoth looks around, confused, “Who said anything about a son?”

“I did,” Cat Noir stands once more, leaning on the building if only to try to remove the sick, bitter feeling in his stomach. He replaces it with rages. Through gritted teeth, he says, “That’s Emelie Agreste. Which makes you Gabriel. Which makes me your son. Am I going too fast?”

“No, it’s not- it’s not possible!”

“Then where’s your son, Gabriel?” The blood drains from the villain’s face. The darkness in Adrien, the one the was almost required for someone to be Cat Noir, the miraculous of destruction, shows itself in the moments that he has lost everything, “Did you lose him in the chaos?” With the upper hand, he makes the choice to walk closer to Hawkmoth, “No, I think you lost him a long time ago. Yeah, around the same you lost her,” Adrien points finger roughly at his mother, “When we lost her. But no, there’s no we. There never was, was there, dad?” he spit the word so hard Gabriel looked stricken. Not a word, a bullet. “Now looks at this bitter irony, huh? Neither even realized it. HA! We never realized we were living under the same fucking roof as our sworn enemy!” he laughs in a scary, hysterical way that turns into a coughing fit, which causes a huge pang of pain throughout his body. Hawkmoth, stupid fucking Hawkmoth, stands there with a dumb look on his face.

“Adrien,” the word hurts him, “you can help me. You can help me bring your mother back. Just give me your miraculous!”

“Fuck you.”

“Adrien, I can fix everything! I can fix your mother! I can fix us! I can fix the whole world! Just give m--”

“Fuck. You. You’re delusional. You always have been! I thought it was some form of protection like you wanted to save me or something. But obviously it’s just so I wouldn’t stand in your way. Let’s send Adrien to this stupid charity event! Or this fucking photoshoot! Let’s keep him from the outside world completely and totally, that will keep him out of my hair! You are so stupid. You are so fucking dumb. And I WAS THE ONE STOPPING YOU! THE WHOLE TIME! HAHAHA. You wanted me out of your hair! HAHAHA” As his laughter crescendoed so did the pain. “Adrien, if you don’t give it to me, I will take it from you.”

The crazed smile on Cat Noir’s face drops suddenly, “Go for it. You ripped everything I love away, what’s one more, right? I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction of giving it to you, you better kill me first. Rip it off my cold dead hand. Kill your son to bring back your wife. Go for it, asshole.” Le Paon appears again, “That can be arranged,” and Adrien hears a gunshot. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adrien woke up in a comfy bed in a large room.

The first thought that crossed his mind was “Am I dead?” No, wait. Of course not. Why did he think that? There was a dream. A weird dream.

“Adrien, mon cher, wake up you’re going to be late for school!” a woman’s voice comes from behind the door.

“Oui, oui, mère, Je suis réveillé.” For a moment the word “mère” feels weird on his tongue, but that quickly passes. He dresses in his normal clothes and goes downstairs to find his mother and father sitting at the table with a plate of tartine waiting for him. Once again, something feels off, only for a moment. Maybe it was that dream? There was a sudden surge of hate and bitterness toward his father before pushing it away. It would be strange to feel angry for something his father did in a dream.

“You’d better hurry, darling, Gorilla’s waiting outside.”

“Yeah, I’d better go. Love you!”

A chorus of nonchalant I love you’s follow him out the door.

“Good morning, Gorilla, how are you today.”

“Monsieur Adrien, are you okay?”

“Of course, I am, why would you think otherwise?”

“Well, monsieur, you’re crying.” Adrien reaches up to his cheek to find wet trails down his face. How could he be crying? “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s almost, well, happy?”

“I see. Well, I’m glad you’re in such a good mood!”

“Right…” Adrien looked at his hand, perplexed by the wetness from tears he didn’t even realize he had. _______________

The feeling of wrongness followed Adrien all day. He didn’t know where it came from, but his stomach was just a little wobbly. His friends were there, Alya, Nino, Chloe. They talked in the hallway. Chloe had had a very weird dream and started on a tangent, “And this butterfly just comes up and possesses me…” Nino looked oddly interested, odd only because he’s never had any interest in Chloe’s weird tangents before.

But before he could dwell too long on Chloe’s dream, Marinette walked in. She was just AURATING with wrong. Everything about her. There was nothing different that he could see, her dark, black hair fell down to lay on her shoulders, she wore a black v-neck t-shirt, black ripped jeans with a blue jean jacket. Her lips tinted red. Beautiful as always, but still, something felt off. He was sort of getting sick of this feeling, but then he noticed to look on Alya’s face, who was looking straight at Marinette.

“You feel it too.” He interrupted Chloe.

“What?” Alya snapped out of her daze to look at Adrien’s concerned face.

“The feeling. It’s been following me all day,” Adrien ignored Chloe’s offended face at being ignored, but Alya’s eyes widened, in confusion or fear, Adrien didn’t know.

“What feeling, dude?” Nino pulled himself away from his own thoughts.

“The feeling of complete and utter wrong.”

“Like reverse deja-vu.” Alya said suddenly, “Like something should feel familiar but doesn’t.”

“Exactly.”

“Do you guys listen to me at all? That’s what I’m saying! This butterfly thing didn’t feel like a dream! It felt like a memory,” Chloe added, “That’s impossible, right?”

Nino looked down and said, “I think what’s more impossible is I had the same dream.”

They all turned to look at him.

“Ok, so what the hell is going on?” Adrien tried to reel himself in. It’s one thing to have a weird dream and a weird feeling, it’s an entirely different thing to have his friends experience the exact same thing.

“It’s probably a coincidence,” Nino said, “maybe we were watching the same YouTube video or some shit, the YouTube algorithms do that now.”

“Yeah, could be, or maybe that doesn’t make any sense at all.” Chloe thwacked his arm.

“Alya, did you have that dream?” Nino asked.

“I had one a little different. There was no purple butterfly but there was an arrow followed by a huge hateful feeling. It still felt weird though. What about you Adrien?”

“I did have a dream, I just… ugh, I don’t remember it as well. I just remember my father and the feeling of betrayal and a girl…I think she was dead, or unconscious or something,” He ran his fingers through his hair, “I just don’t remember it, but it sucked.”

“So we all had major crap dreams. What does that mean?” Chloe leaned against a locker, inspecting a fingernail.

“Well,” Alya considered, “Maybe let’s focus on the wrong feeling. We feel it more in different places, yeah? What feels wrong?”

“My entire house feels off,” Adrien thought about his big house, his mom, his father, the chorus of I love you’s. It felt nice. It felt happy. It felt wrong. As crappy as that was, his big happy house with the happy family felt so wrong it gave him vertigo.

“The news. Ladybug feels wrong.”

“Lady..bug?”

“Yeah, she was wreaking havoc all over again.” Yep, that definitely felt wrong.

“What feels the most wrong?”

“Marinette.” Alya’s eyes grew distant. The four of them collectively turned to Marinette, Who was talking to Kim as they entered the classroom. The pit in Adrien’s stomach got bigger and emptier.

“Adrien? Are you okay?” Nino glanced over at him. This wasn’t the first time he’s been asked that today, but it felt so much worse than earlier. This was heartbreak. Love and loss. It went away as suddenly as it came, but Nino had caught it, “You’re crying.”

So he was. The first time had been of joy, but this was a wave of brokenness. He needed to find out what the hell was going on.

“I hate this. I hate this guessing game. Why do we feel like this? WHAT. IS. GOING. ON.” he slung his backpack over his shoulder and marched inside the classroom and slammed his hand in front Marinette. She barely looked up at him. Wrong.

“Blondie.”

“Do you feel it?” Now she looked up.

“What?”

“Do you feel what we feel?”

“Are you crazy?” He felt a little crazy, but goddamn this day was the thing doing it. Marinette was the one doing it. She looked at him straight in the eye.

“The feeling that something...is wrong.”

“HA!” The laugh was bitter, “No, Adrien, I don’t feel what you’re feeling.” She rolled her eyes. Wrong.

“Um, Adrien, maybe not.” Alya pulled his arm away from the desk.

“Yeah, maybe cut her some slack.” Nino’s eyes looked sympathetic. Even Chloe looked like she just saw Adrien kick a puppy. They pulled him into the hallway.

“Maybe approaching Marinette like that after what happened to her parents isn't such a good idea, Adrien.”

“Her... parents?”

All three of them narrowed their eyes and furrowed their eyebrows in concern.

Alya started slowly, “Ladybug was involved with an attack on the Dupain-Cheng bakery.” Chloe pulled the news article up on her phone and showed him.

Oh right, Adrien didn’t remember until he did, if that made any sense, Marinette’s parents died 3 months ago.

Wrong. Wrong, so very wrong. The feeling made his tongue swell and his stomach into a pit. As Alya said it, her face twisted.

“Adrien, why do you seem more affected by it?” Nino mused, “You seem to “remember” less, you know? What else do you not remember?”

“How the hell am I supposed to answer th-” Adrien was cut off by a rumbling through the floor, “What was that?” The rumbling turned into straight-up shaking. Then the sound. It was deafening. Everyone in the class started screaming at once. There was screaming from outside. The rumbling lasted for what seemed like minutes and then trickled to a stop. Chloe frantically searched her phone but it didn’t take long to find out what had happened; she gasped at her phone, horrified. “Chlo?” The phone fell from her grasp and she buckled, “Chloe?” Alya and Nino rushed to her aide asking if she was okay, but she burst into tears. It wasn’t until Adrien picked up her now shattered phone that he saw what she was looking at: A live feed of the news played faintly from the speakers as the famous Parisian Hotel Chloe called home collapsed.“Oh my god.”

Chloe wailed from the floor as the rest of the class asked what happened, they must have seen the horror on Adrien’s face as everyone continued to panic.

“Adrien, what’s going on?”

“What happened?”

“Was it Ladybug?”

Adrien took a shaky breath and exhaled slowly, “Le Grand Paris collapsed.” Alya’s face went slack.

“WHAT?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN COLLAPSED?”

“WHAT COULD HAVE DONE THAT?”

Everyone seemed to have questions that already had an answer, it was Ladybug, obviously, she had caused the building to collapse but it was Marinette who asked the question that really needed asking: “How many people were inside?”

She looked distantly on the floor, numb from the events that had already happened in her life. This world, the wrong world that it was, was a war zone. Ladybug vs Paris. And Ladybug was winning.

The class went quiet, the only sounds heard came from Chloe on the ground, fetal position, dry sobbing, her voice scratched all the ears in the room. Adrien looked at his phone for more headlines only to see the same thing:

“SUPERVILLAIN STRIKES AGAIN AT LE GRAND PARIS”

“INVESTIGATION ON THE COLLAPSE OF PARIS HOTEL, IS LADYBUG INVOLVED?”

“WILL LADYBUG’S REIGN OF TERROR EVER END???”

“THE MAYOR OF PARIS, ANDRE BOURGEOIS AND WIFE CONFIRMED DEAD ON THE SCENE”

Marinette stood, the only one to seem to have her wits about her, and moved to Chloe.

“Hey, Chloe, come here.” She wrapped her arms around the blonde, who reciprocated. She let her cry. They had hated each other for years and years, but now was not the time for past rivalries. It hadn’t been since Mari’s parents… Well, there were far more important things. Far worse things.

Alya stood too, “Adrien...does it say anything about the other survivors?”

“It’s all too new, they… they only started investigating.”

“There’s no investigating to be done. It’s Ladybug. It has to be.” Alya clenched her fists. Nino put his hand on her shoulder.

“Well, yeah, but unless you can capture a supervillain there doesn’t seem to be a lot we can do.”

“WHERE IS THE GODDAMN TEACHER?” Alya slammed her fist on a nearby desk, “Aren’t there supposed to be some fucking adults here? Why are we dealing with this by OURSELVES?” It was a good question. They were in a room a 16-17 year olds, this was a national tragedy. Where was everyone?

At that, the class seemed to come out of their stupor and went to work. Max started setting up a live feed of the news on the projector, Kim and Alix ran to other classrooms to check if they were alright. No teachers there either, turns out. The rest got on their phones to see if their loved ones were ok. Adrien finally called his dad.

“Dad? Are you and mom okay?”

“We’re fine, are you with Chloe? Is she okay?”

“No, she’s not, but we are helping her.”

“Okay. Adrien, your mom says to stay inside, it’s a war zone out there, alright?” Adrien glanced out the window, debris and ash flooded the sky.

“Yeah, we’ll stay here.”

“Good, love you, son.”

“Love you too, Dad.” Adrien didn’t have time to dwell on the foreign feeling from the conversation. Suddenly the feeling in the pit of his stomach had virtually nothing to do with his dad and entirely to do with Ladybug. More students gathered in their classroom and Max’s live feed came onto the screen.

“Updates from Le Grand Paris, officials are pulling survivors from the wreckage, but so far only a few of the hundreds in the hotel seem to be alive. Among the dead, the mayor of Paris and his wife Andre and Andrey Bourgeois, rockstar Jagged Stone and many many more. Among the survivors are most of the kitchen staff, who had been in kitchens in the basement during the collapse.” Alya tried to hold in her relief, especially surrounded by so much tragedy, but hearing her mom is likely alive was the best news she received all day. “It is advised the people in Paris, especially within 4 miles of the hotel stay inside for the time being. The air is currently not safe to breathe due to ash and debris.”

After a few hours of painstaking waiting, Adrien decided to do something, it wasn’t the right time or place, but it seemed as though there was no other option, “Nino, Alya, Chloe, Marinette. Can I please talk to you in the hallway?”

Chloe had stopped sobbing a little while ago, too exhausted for more tears. Now she looked distant and numb, like Marinette had when the Le Grande Paris collapsed.

“Chloe, actually, if you don’t want to be a part of this--”

“Don’t, Agreste…” she threw her hand up to stop him from suggesting that she should be anywhere other than right here and stood, “Now more than ever, I know that something is very wrong. We need to fix it. And that starts with her,” Chloe pointed a thumb at Marinette.

“What? What does that mean?”

“Come on,” Adrien put his hand out to help Marinette off the floor. She’d been sitting with Chloe the whole time. She didn’t accept his hand, and stood herself.

“I don’t know what you guys think I’m responsible for but I’m not. Please just leave me out of it.” Marinette didn’t really look him in the eye, and futzed with her bangs.

“Mari, please.” The nickname made her squint at him, but his face was so pleading and panicked that she relented pretty quickly. He wasn’t alone in his resolve to look for a solution, a real solution that apparently no one else in Paris had, and all the people that did were crushed under Le Grand Paris.

Marinette followed Adrien out of the room to find Alya, Nino, and Chloe suddenly hush their conversation.

“Alright, what are you talking about?” Marinette crossed her arms.

“At most, solutions, at least, answers.” Nino shrugged.

“What makes you think I have them?”

“What all had weirdly eerie dreams last night, very similar to each other.” Adrien was talking softly, tiptoeing around her and possibly Chloe, like they were fragile. It pissed Mari off. Mari had come to realize Chloe as one of the strongest people she knew, bookended by these past few hours and right this second. She had lost her parents, and while surely still grieving, pushes for answers and solutions. She wasn’t fragile, not ever.

“Listen, Agreste, I didn’t have a dream last night, or the night before, or the night before that. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Honestly, Marinette, neither do I."

[something-tofightfor]

POV: The Constant

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader ( Billy x Madani in passing)

Word count: 2174

@ooo-barff-ooo asked for a different POV for The Constant.... so I chose  to focus on the period between Billy and Reader leaving the Anvil facility and getting to the parking garage. 

You’ll probably need to/want to read the entire thing (found on my ML because links won’t allow this to show in search results) before reading this. 

It’s got some language and some mentions of sex, but nothing too zesty. 

His arm hurt. Billy had been shot multiple times before, had felt the sting of the bullets as they pierced his skin and then passed through - clean wounds, from powerful weapons and enemies he couldn’t even see. But the wound on his arm was a different story. He’d seen the person that had shot him, heard her voice as clear as day. Hell, he’d looked Dinah Madani in the eye not even 48 hours earlier when she’d had him in her conference room for questioning, his gaze burning a hole in her as he reminded her of their situation and what she had allowed to happen to herself. And this one hurt worse than any other time he’d been injured - not because the wound was deep or dangerous (it wasn’t) but because it had been put there by someone that had wanted to put it there for personal reasons, not because they had to. How the fuck did I get here?

 Billy’s eyes remained closed and as he took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of her car’s interior, he felt tears begin to roll down his cheeks silently. Why the fuck did I let this happen? Billy Russo did not typically cry, but every man had a breaking point, and apparently Billy’s breaking point was reached when in the span of 24 hours, he threatened the lives of a woman and child, chose not to take an easy kill shot, confessed his deepest sin to his best friend - former best friend, watched said friend beat a man to death, got shot… and then destroyed the very thing he’d sold his soul for. Though the tears continued, Billy allowed himself a small smile - if that’s what it took to bring him to tears, then he wasn’t doing so bad after all.

 A small sigh from the front seat brought Billy’s attention back to his current situation and the woman that sat silently a few feet from him, hands gripping her steering wheel tightly.  When he’d called her from Anvil, knowing that he didn’t really need the bag that he’d had packed for weeks, stored in the closet of her apartment, he had figured that she wouldn’t come. He’d done enough to distance himself from her that he wouldn’t have blamed her, really, but she’d not only answered the phone call - she’d shown up where and when he needed her to, ready to listen and… concerned for him. I can’t let her do this. I shouldn’t have involved her.

 His uninjured arm was behind his head as he felt the car traveling over the New York streets - there was little traffic at the late hour, and Billy knew that he only had minutes to collect his thoughts and make a decision before he had to face reality: he had to get out of New York before Frank killed him - and he wanted her with him. Fuck. I can’t ask her to do that. Can I?

 As she drove, Billy thought back to the day that he’d told her that they couldn’t have contact anymore because he needed to focus on Madani, and had to suppress another small smile despite the growing pit in his stomach and the pain in his arm as he bled all over her back seat.

 “I gotta get… I gotta get back in front of this, you know?” He was in her kitchen, one foot tapping on the linoleum and a hand clutching the back of his neck. It was a nervous habit, one that he’d picked up from Frank through all those long years spent watching Castle rub his hands over his short hair and neck. “We bugged her office. She’s gonna come to Anvil for me, and she’s gonna try to get information out of me. She knows I served with Frank. I can’t see you at all anymore, not now, it’s not safe.” He’d watched her go pale, her eyes growing wide, and though she’d set her shoulders before she spoke, the words came out quiet but even.

 “You gonna fuck her?” Billy had just stared, unable to comprehend how someone like her could just stand in front of him and ask a question like that. “You gonna get information from her while you’re tangled up in her bed sheets in the morning?” Her shoulders were still set, but Billy watched as her eyes moved from his down to his lips and then back up, never wavering in their cold gaze. “Rawlins tell you to fuck her? Use your smart mouth to get the answers he wants?” He felt a tightening in his chest and he wanted to reach out, to tell her that no, he wasn’t going to fuck Dinah Madani, that he didn’t want to be tangled up in anyone’s bed sheets except hers, the smell of her perfume lingering on his skin long after they’d separated for the day. But he couldn’t, because it wasn’t the truth - and he wasn’t about to start lying to her.

 “If I need to.” Billy swallowed, taking one step forward, shaking his head. “I gotta do what Rawlins needs me to do, I have to keep this from coming out, keep her from finding out whatever it is she wants to know about Frank. I owe Frankie that much at least.” She’d nodded - once - and then had looked away, eyes darting around the kitchen. Billy knew what she was thinking - that him being told to sleep with someone if necessary was much worse than Billy making the decision on his own. “You know I’d rather -”

 She cut him off, finally looking back at Billy and closing the distance between the two of them in a few steps, her fingertips moving over the skin of his neck roughly as she pulled him down to kiss her - their first kiss in nearly a month. “Yeah, I know.” She breathed the words after she’d pulled back, her forehead pressing against Billy’s, voice stronger than it had been as if the change in proximity between them had helped. “Just don’t enjoy it too much, Billy. You know I’m the only one that can really handle your mouth.” He scoffed, leaning in and kissing her hard, his teeth catching on her lower lip as he pulled back, a low noise coming from the back of her throat at the sensation. “You gotta do what you gotta do, right?”

 It had been hard to walk out of her apartment that day - even harder than when he’d told her that Rawlins was amping things up, that Billy was afraid that if they continued to see each other, that the man would find out about her and do something horrible. At least then, Billy had known that he could keep an eye on her discreetly, but once Madani and Stein had jumped onto the Zubair case, things had changed rapidly. Then, it was better for both of them that Billy had simply stayed away, his only contact being the once weekly trip to her apartment to backup their files - but only when he knew that she wasn’t home. Billy was a lot of things, but he wasn’t stupid enough to think that he could look into her eyes in the light of day, watching her search his face wordlessly for conformation about his physical involvement with Dinah Madani.

 It was a risk - but it was one that Billy had been willing to take, because he knew deep down that things weren’t going to go as planned, that Rawlins was going to fuck everything up again… and that Madani was going to be an even bigger thorn in his side than he’d anticipated, which made a getaway plan absolutely necessary. And all of that had been made even more difficult when he’d found out that Frank was in fact alive, and that the story was even more convoluted than Billy had ever imagined. Leaving had only become a possibility once he’d cleared the air with Frank - in a roundabout way, sure, but at least now Frank knew that Billy hadn’t actually been the one to harm the Castle family, he’d just… not done anything to stop it.

 But with Rawlins out of the way for good, Frank understandably pissed at him and likely to kill him at some point, and Madani literally out to kill him at that very moment, Billy knew that the only option for now was to run - far and fast and immediately. “Where do you want me to park, Billy?” Her voice drew him out of his thoughts - soft and sad and scared… but not scared of him, never of him, and Billy paused for a moment. “Billy?” It took everything in him to answer, the four words draining him.

 “All the way up.” The car began to move again, and Billy’s thoughts turned to what he was going to ask in only a few minutes. He’d never defined what was going on with her, never had to, because it worked well without admission. She never asked anything of him, except with her body, when her fingers were clutching his hair tightly, or when they were wrapped around him as she took him into her mouth, or when her heels dug into the backs of his thighs as she pulled him closer to her. But she cared, he knew she did - why else would she have been willing to put up with so much of his shit? As the car slowed again, Billy took a deep breath.

 Being apart from her had been hard - harder than he’d thought it would be. Billy Russo didn’t form attachments, didn’t let people in. When he did, bad things happened - both to him and to them. Billy’s life had been one long string of failed attempts to fit in, to make friends and to make good decisions after another, and the present situation was no different. He hurt the people that he cared about, and so he didn’t care about anyone but himself - because by making so many bad decisions, he’d already hurt himself to the point where it didn’t matter anymore because it couldn’t possibly get worse. Or, at least he’d thought it couldn’t - before her. Billy felt the car stop, but neither of them moved or spoke. Ok. Ok, Russo. Think.

 As he’d pulled the trigger on the men sent to collect him from Anvil, he’d realized what he needed to do. As he’d pressed the button to blow the building up, he’d decided that he was going to do it - but only if she showed up. And when he’d seen her, standing in the doorway with her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide and filled with fear as she watched the building go up in flames behind him, Billy knew that it was the right decision, because she was there. He had to ask - and even if she said no, at least he’d know that he tried - tried one more time to care for someone more than he cared about himself.

 Without warning, Billy sat up and took a deep breath, looking at her profile in the dim light before climbing quickly out of the car and making his way to the cement wall in front of it, head hanging down as he looked at the sprawling city below him. I can’t protect her here, not anymore. It’s all or nothing. I leave and she’s safe… she comes with me, and she’s safer.

 Billy heard the car door close softly before she came to stand next to him, both of them still silent. I’ve already lost everything… I won’t lose her, too. “I want to protect you.”

----

[itsakurl]

Go away | ML

  Genre: angst, fluff

Word count: 1.6k

(Anon: can I make a request where the reader and mark are havibg a fight and the reader says something that really upsets mark and then she comforts him bc hes so upset and it ends fluffy? 💖💝💗)

By now you could barely speak, you were a crying mess.  After a few seconds, silence still filled the atmosphere.  Not even you could help him...You stood up, knowing that if you continued it would be pointless.

(The fight)

Like many relationships, there’s always going to be some disagreement

So it’s inevitable

So when you and Mark began dating, there were some here and there.

But the majority of them were small. Like very small.

Like you, two would argue about which route was faster to get to one place or even which brand of cookies were more circular.

And recently, you've noticed he had more time off from promotions, according to Taeyong, which meant he had more time to do whatever he wanted, to spend it with anyone he wanted.

but none of that time had gone to you even though you've tried your best to go to him.  

during photo shoots and fan meets, you'll go early or even late at night to see him just for his sake.  you were tired.  even if Mark was an idol and being overworked by SM, you still went to school and had two jobs but still found time for him...but he just couldn't do the same for you.

it really hurt

like extremely

you never got around to bringing up your opinion to him...but when it finally did, you two were deep into the middle of a fight.

you came to one of their photoshoots for the new album and it all started well.  

you'll talk to some of the members and watch how mark would pose for the pictures, getting all dressed up and makeup done beforehand.

after the photoshoot you and the rest of the members were all talking, having fun until you started complaining about the LONG ASS RIDE (sorry not sorry) you had to take back home on the bus.

cause it late af and it's really not the safest to head back.

“well, why did you come anyway?”

mark asked, being well annoyed since he was most likely tired from all the things they had on their schedule, just wanting to go home and get some rest for another busy schedule the next day.

“because I wanted to see you”

“if you wanted to see me, you could have come at a better time”

Mark started to get worked up.  basically how the fight started.  

The members tried to calm both of you down although they realized you two needed to resolve it between each other. so they all just left the room leaving you two alone.

You two were going back and forth until you said the one thing that made him silent.

“well if you are complaining so much just break up with me!  You're a horrible boyfriend anyways”

You were all worked up at the moment and your brain had to conjure up the harshest thing that mark could possibly hear out of you.

but of course, you didn't mean it.

anyways, your words to mark really stunned him.  He wanted to be the best boyfriend possible and he tried his hardest to find time for you, but sometimes just wasn't the best.

Let’s just say that he totally stormed out of the room, pushing you forcefully out of the way to get to the door

He was mad

Very mad

You’ve never seen him so angry, you’ve definitely gone too far this time.

You ran out to try to stop him, knowing that what you’ve said had hurt him so much even though you didn’t mean a single thing.

But all he did was push you out of the way before the other members had to get involved.

Doyoung and Yuta held onto you, not letting you run after mark before he unintentionally hurts you.

Johnny and Taeyong ran after Mark, hoping to get a sense of what we on between you two.

(Make-up/postfight)

It’s been a week and Mark hasn’t spoken a word to you since.

Not even a call or a text.

You were freaking out. Maybe Mark had moved on already, breaking up with you without even informing you...

That really made your week hell

The thought of not even getting to know if he’s broken up with you.

You’ve seen the news anyways, mark and the rest of Nct were still in the middle of promotions and they all look happy...

It made you think anyways. You really felt bad about saying those things to mark. You loved him...you really do love him. You would give everything up for him.

How can you be so stupid?

The whole week you cried as you tried to get ahold of mark with no answer. You didn’t know what to do and that haunted you...

Until your phone buzzed

It was Johnny

“Hello?” You pick up the phone, masking your airy voice so your state of distress wouldn’t show through.

“Y/n, I still have no idea what happened between you and mark but please come down and talk to him...he’s been moping around this whole week, depressed to the point where he’s not even talking to us...”

You sat there shocked...You really fucked up.

Hanging up, you quickly headed to the dorms, being greeted by Johnny as he opened the door for you.

“He’s in his room,” he told you, letting you quickly head there to be met with the entirety of 127 standing in front, staring at you in the hope you could do something.

Without a word, you slowly twisted the knob, surprised that it wasn’t locked.

You were met with the sight of your boyfriend sitting on his bed, staring at the wall in darkness. As you walked closer to him, he didn’t even turn his head to look at you.

A small slip of light from the moon outside shined through the slit of the window curtains, letting you finally see his face clearly.

Tears rolled down his eyes, making your heart break as you finally stood in front of him.

“Mark...” you whispered, hoping you could get his attention.

He didn’t even move, not even turning his head to look away from you.

You started to cry.

Seeing mark like this sparked something in you. Something worse than what happened the past week. Seeing mark, someone you loved so much, in a state like this because of you just shattered your heart to pieces.

You kneeled down to meet his face. His eyes finally met yours.

The thing that surprised you the most was that he didn’t look angry anymore like you expected. His eyes were all puffy, red from crying too much, he looked like one of those sad puppies in those animal adoption commercials.

“Mark..” you said, sobbing from his appearance, trying your best to wipe away his tears. “I’m so sorry!” You said, looking at him, “I never meant to say those things to you. I never meant it and I never will. I love you so much. So so much mark. I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you like this because of me” you said cupping his face, “I love you mark. I really fucking do. I’m sorry I made you feel this way. If you can't forgive me it’s fine. I just want you to be happy. To be the mark that you truly are. The mark that makes everyone happy, the mark that cares for everyone more than himself, the mark that made me laugh, the mark that made me fall in love with him...”

By now you could barely speak, you were a crying mess.

After a few seconds, a silence still filled the atmosphere.

Not even you could help him...

You stood up, knowing that if you continued it would be pointless. You looked at mark once more before beginning to walk back to the door until your arm was suddenly pulled and you fell on top of Mark.

Facing him, you were now sitting on Mark’s lap, finally getting what you wished for.

He quickly pulled you into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

Pulling away from the hug, your hands slithered back to cup his face as you quickly connected your lips to his.

You two kissed like there was no tomorrow. From all the build-up from the week, you two couldn’t let go of each other.

“I love you so much y/n I hope you know that too,” Mark said in between the kiss, fully pulling away afterward to look at you.

“I’m sorry I got so mad, I was so stressed at the time that everything just came out. I know you didn’t mean it and I’m sorry for getting you so angry at that point” he kissed you again.

Mark played down onto his pillow as he pulled you with.

“Let’s not argue again. The whole week was hell” Mark said, suddenly softly laughing to bring the atmosphere up.

“Agreed?”

Mark asked you both smiled at each other.

“Agreed” you confirmed, giving him a peck on his lips before you laid your head into the crook of his neck, letting him pull you in closer until you both slowly started falling asleep.

“I love you mark” you muttered into his neck, getting a final kiss on your forehead hearing one more “I love you too y/n” before you fell asleep.

[pleasegivemeanokaygrade]

tRY thIS ASSIGNMENT #7

warm up:

Free write for ten minutes about the painting on the cover of the book.

I see a dog or a cat

I also see a bunch of bread.

I see a sticker over half of it that says “Amazon Rentals Prime Student FREE Two-Day Shipping for college students”

The face of a fish, or maybe a grumpy pac man

Baguettes

I like the contrast between the blue of the Amazon Rentals Prime Student FREE Two-Day Shipping for college students sticker and the pastelly reds and oranges that it abruptly transitions into. I enjoy that I can see the canvas texture underneath, but it also makes it look like melted crayons. It looks like if grass wasn’t quite, or if texture was something you’ve never felt but know what it felt. Like if felt was wet. Or if grass was felt. Felt as in the fabriccy stuff, not felt as in I felt it. Felt. Ahh felt, the construction paper of fabric. The painting makes me feel like I’m not sad but also not not sad so I guess that’s melancholy perhaps. I will Feel warm but also I will feel cold in my finger tips. I am not sure for why is which and which is why. But I like paintings a lot and I feel like I appreciate them but I feel like I don’t know how to appreciate them the way that I am supposed to or perhaps the way that I should in order to give the most care and respect to the painting and painter but also be able to enjoy it on a level that truly makes me think about what I am seeing and reflect internally about the feelings that I am having based off of what I am seeing.

THAT WAS SUCH A LONG SENTENCE PLEASE DON’T GIVE ME DOWNPOINTS FOR THAT ABSOLUTE LEXICAL MONSTROSITY.

7.1

Make notes and developments that you could use for a piece of your journal that you could elaborate on and improve.

Once, I wrote this poem:

She called me and she cried

And kissed me and she cried

I talked and she cried

I helped and she cried

We drank and she cried

We smoked and she cried

I asked and she cried

I guess she just cried a lot

How can I improve it?

What are the main flaws of the poem?

Frankly, all it does is list some things that I did with this girl to get her to stop crying and it ends with me saying “she just cried a lot” which doesn't really give the reader anything at all.

Maybe if I described our relationship and then explained her feelings the “i guess she just cried a lot” would make more sense.

But is “I guess she just cried a lot” not an insensitive assholeish thing to say?

She called me in tears.

She kissed me and wept.

For her turmoil was too much for her to contain.

She had to let it out.

She needed someone to let it out to.

She picked me.

She said “I love you” and cried.

Better.

7.4

Take a pack of index cards and jot down a few words per card. Organize them in a sequence. Reshuffle them and reorganize them. The story might change. Find the sequence you like and turn it into an outline.

Meet Derek

34 Years old and he’s very tall

He lives in a house with a dog

Cancer

“Oh no, I can’t believe it’s cancer”

Snow volcano explosion

“Oh no, I can’t believe it’s a snow volcano explosion”

Derek’s house becomes destroyed

Mother says “I don’t love you anymore”

Derek’s life is a certain mess

Poor Derek

The dog. It was the dog that had the cancer.

M. Night Shyamalan twist!

7.5

Doodle a series of lists. Traits of a character, phrases they would use, things they like, experiences they have had.

Eleanor Maza: The psychotic, mass murdering, very adorable teenage orphan girl.

Things Eleanor will say:

Shut the front door.

Oh no! My greatest fear! Small knives!

You’d be cuter if your face wasn’t such a trainwreck.

Trainwreck

This entire situation is a trainwreck.

Pound town

Thanks, I got it from a dumpster.

Thanks, I stole it

Drop the gun before I drop you

Things Eleanor has experienced:

Being a stowaway on a commercial flight

Being a stowaway on a commercial cruise

Sneaking onto the bus without paying fare

Being raped.

When she was 5 years old, Eleanor killed her foster mom’s dog and cat.

When she was 7 years old, Eleanor put both her hands on the stove top burner and clicked the heat level onto 10. She held them there.

When she was 9 years old, Eleanor took her new foster mom’s gun and killed three other foster children and both her new foster parents.

Living alone.

Living without a home

Living without food or water for multiple days

Revenge.

Eleanor’s mannerisms:

Eleanor is very judgemental of strangers, she will make fun of anyone about anything.

Eleanor is very vocal about her thoughts. If she thinks you’re stupid (and she probably does) then she will let you know.

Eleanor is quick to resort to violence but prefers not to kill, she wants her victims to remember that she bested them.

Eleanor is incredibly good at math.

Eleanor is incredibly good at hand to hand combat.

Eleanor is incredibly good at using firearms.

Eleanor has a very high pain tolerance.

Eleanor can fall asleep faster than a soldier.

Eleanor can wake up faster than a soldier.

Eleanor identifies as asexual, but will gladly participate in BDSM as a domme.

Eleanor’s favorite pastime is embarrassing people.

Eleanor will always do what she thinks is the right thing.

Eleanor believes in justice.

7.7

Bring your research skills into your imaginative work. Identify something you don’t know about, research it, and write about it creatively.

I don’t know very much about vaping. Because vaping is extraordinarily lame. So I did research about vapes and below is the product of that research.

Brian: Sup bro, how you been?

Jake: dude i had a sick day today

B: tight, what’d you do?

J: Bro I got this sick new mod

B: Fucking litty bro, what’s the setup?

J: Alien mod, smok tank with 15 ml capacity. I’m on a 65Watt coil too with Cotton Candy Brandy juice.

B: Jake that’s fucking nutty, 65 Watts is tight, I’m on 55 but I got a high intake valve so my clouds are redonk.

J: My clouds come out pretty thick, they’re better for jellyfishing.

B: Can you blow Oh’s clean?

J: Bro I can Oh all day, even outside or if the window is open

B: nuh uh.

J: Yeah man, I’ve got it set to 12.3 ohms so the wattage is basically being supplemented.

B: That’s tight. I got a smok mod with the FreeFlow tank and my coil is stock so it’s pretty mediocre.

J: no stress bro, let’s hop in my WRX and drive to the lookout point so we can take dramatic pics of our mods and put them on the internet for everyone to see how cool we are.

B: tight