#AND THERES NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THIS WORLD FOR MY PAIN!!!!!

[septemberpdf]

THE INDIGO GIRLS WERE SO RIGHT

[anama-cara]

Take care

Boston Era!Joel Miller x you

Part 2

Summary: You're a nurse working in the Boston QZ and when a handsome new patient comes in you just can't help yourself. Word count: 1.4k

Warnings:  Dead Dove Do Not Eat, +18 minors dni, handjob, somnophilia, noncon. reader has no physical descriptions such as skin color or body type

You fucking hate it here- you hate Boston, hate FEDRA, hate your job, hate the world, hate your life. You need some excitement, something new. You're working as a nurse in a dirty QZ hospital. It's such a fucking joke. The hospital (if you can even really call it that) looks like an abandoned building. The lights flicker, the glass windows are shattered, the floor is always covered in grime, some of the brick walls are even crumbling in the front. Whenever a surgery needs to be done they just dip the instruments in a bucket of alcohol, theres no such thing as a sterile procedure anymore. There aren't enough supplies or staff left to properly function as a real hospital. There are only a few doctors for a ton of patients, some people that come in don't even get seen by a doctor. So that's where you come in, the nurses. You aren't even an actual nurse, you've never been formally trained. Before the outbreak you were a radiology tech, and once the QZ was set up they went around asking for anyone who was in the medical field. You volunteered, but you had no idea it'd be for a job like this. They just threw you to the wolves and over the years you've improvised and learned what works. It was messy in the beginning, you were scrambling and scared and had breakdowns almost daily. But now you feel like a hardened nurse, numb to most things. 

You're sitting in the "break room" munching on some jerky and absentmindedly kicking at a smudge mark on the ground with your boot. 

There's a flurry of commotion the hallway and the door flies open. 

"Jen?"

Your friend pokes her head in. "Oh good you're here, come on, we've got an intake. Male in late 40s, early 50s. Stab wound. "

"Is the doc coming to take a look?"

"Nope. Busy. It's on you."

"Me? He's not my patient and I'm supposed to be on break."

She laughs. "Yeah sorry. I would. You know I would. But my plate is full. I got a gun shot wound that's infected that's taking all my time. I wouldn't throw you this one if I didn't know you can handle it."

"Of course Jen. I got your back." You're following her down the hall rushing towards the emergency entrance.

"Thanks. Two guys brought him in." She nods to a room at the end of the hall on the left. 

"OK thanks Jen." You give her a nod and head towards your newest patient as she bustles down the corridor. 

"Hello I'm- shit." This is the kinda shit you're getting sick and tired of. The men just dumped him and left. Your patient is fully unconscious, laying flat on his back on the exam table, wound still bleeding. This guy needs a doctor, but you're all there is. You sprint for the supplies closet, grabbing alcohol wipes, gauze and suturing materials. With your arms full you rush back to the room. Good thing he's unconscious, you think, because this is going to hurt and the hospital ran out of pain meds long ago. 

You tug and rip his flannel shirt open, making the buttons pop off. You're tearing open packets of gauze and trying to clean his wound so you can get a good look at the entry point. Finally after wiping away the dried and fresh blood you get a clean view. You begin disinfecting. There's an open gash about four inches long running underneath his ribs on the right side.

You blow out a deep breath, pull up a chair and get to work closing the laceration. 

--

An hour later you push yourself up, set your instruments aside, wipe the sweat from your brow and look over the stitches. Given the circumstances its looks pretty darn good, you're actually proud of yourself. 

You look your patient over, eyes moving past his wound and taking him wholly in for the first time. 

He's probably in his early 50s, patchy graying beard, tan skin, ruffled hair. His flannel shirt you ripped open reveals his hard chest and soft tummy. You study his sleeping face, the creases in his brow and the hard angles of his jaw and nose. He's undeniably handsome.

You notice the blood on his flannel and you sigh as you stand up from your stool. You stretch, back aching after leaning over him to sew his wound. You reach for his flannel and begin tugging his limp arms out of the sleeves. You pull the bloody shirt out from underneath him and toss it on a nearby table. His arms are muscular and you notice a few scars here and there. Your hand reaches out on its own accord to lightly trace over a jagged white line on his bicep. He twitches at your touch and your hand quickly pulls away. 

You move down to his jeans. After unbuckling his belt you slowly pull them down, trying to be as gentle as possible. Now that the immediate danger of the bleeding stab wound has been dealt with you need to do a physical exam and make sure he has no injuries elsewhere. You toss his pants on the table and walk back to your patient, examining every inch of his beautifully tanned skin. You can get him a hospital gown later. Your hand traces up his leg and you watch it as it moves over his dark hair, over his knee and rests on his thigh at the edge of his boxers. You shift your gaze higher and to your surprise you see his hardened bulge pushing against his boxers. You gulp and your hand lightly glides up and down his inner thigh, tracing along his muscle. You shoot a glance up to his face - he's still out. You look at the closed door and try to listen. You don't hear anyone in the hallway. The only other nurse on duty in your unit of the hospital is Jen and she's definitely still occupied with that gunshot wound...

You reach up and with one hand you pull the waistband and his boxers out while your other hand slips underneath, wrapping around his hard cock. His cock twitches when you first touch him and you smile. You slowly move your hand all the way down, feeling the full length of him. Damn he's got a nice one. You swallow the spit that's pooling in your mouth. You drag your hand back up and your thumb runs through his slit and circles around the head. You look at Joel's face again. He's still completely out but you think his brow looks more furrowed and his mouth a little more opened. You continue to gaze up at him as you twirl around his head, feeling precum beginning to bead at his tip. You swipe and gather it on your index finger before popping it in your mouth. Salty and warm and deliciously masculine. You pull your finger out and hold up your hand as you tounge it, licking your palm and fingers.

Your grab his cock again, pumping him faster now as your hand glides over his warm smooth skin. You hum to yourself as you work. 

Minutes later and you feel him tightening. You quickly grab a cloth from the table and tuck it under his boxers just in time. He erupts under your hand, ribbons of messy cum spilling into the cloth. When he's done your pull the cloth out and wrap it up neatly, keeping everything it caught tucked into the middle. Joel's eyelids flutter and he makes a groaning noise. He'll be waking up soon. You place the dirty cloth in the laundry bag and step into the hallway to grab a patient gown from the clean linen cart. You wash off your sticky hand and quickly dress him. You're tidying up your instruments when Joel finally wakes up, groaning as he tries to sit. 

"Woah mister careful, you got a pretty good gash in your abdomen there. Easy. Just relax. You're in the hospital now. I'll take good care of you." 

You smile pleasantly at him. 

[jeongintwenty3]

16.25

pairing: bangchan x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of tears, sadness

author’s note: hello! how’s everyone doing? decided to write this hurt/comfort imagine of chan cause i just cannot accept the fact theres only one chan in the world. pardon for my poor grammar and mispellings if present, other than that, happy reading! <3 remember, it’s just a bad day, not a bad life; it shall pass to. my dms are open if anyone wants to talk ab anything (:

————————————————————————

nobody said marriage life was easy. the day you said yes, the both of you were expecting the ups and downs, the happiness and sadness.

“i’m home!” chris exclaimed as soon as he stepped into the house, one of the few places the both of you feel comfortable enough to call home.

silence from the other side, he was baffled. confused was an understatement, why isn’t his wife scrambling to his arms? you’d usually greet him in ragged breaths, as if you’ve just completed a marathon.

going up, unsettling thoughts clouded his mind. although he knew deep down it will never happen, everyone’s gotta prepare for the worst, right?

wrong.

opening the bedroom door oh so quietly, he managed to make out your figure huddled under the thick comforter. oh, you’re sleeping.

but it’s just 4 in the afternoon?

deciding to kneel so he could be at eye level with you, he froze upon the sight.

chris felt his heart shatter as the seconds passed by, this is never a sight he wants to come home to. why is his favorite person in the world crying?

you’d be lying if you didn’t notice chris entering the room; you tried to play it off by pretending to sleep. but boy, did chris see through you.

he shook you gently, not wanting to invade any further into your personal space. looking up at his pretty eyes, your tears started to well up for the 3rd time this afternoon.

“oh no,” chris started to panic. “what’s wrong babe, hmm? talk to me,” he tried to coax you into reaching out to him.

you covered your face with your 2 hands, not wanting the man that stood beside you see the woman he married.

if chris had to list the top 10 most heartbreaking sights he’s ever encountered in his life, this will be the first. never in his life, he saw you this vulnerable. you always had this strong facade; but even strong people can crumble too. they just decide to not show it.

sitting on the edge of the bed, he guided you onto his lap; he knew, his woman needed his physical affection to ground her.

while patting your head with a few kisses to your temple peppered here and there, he tried to keep his guard up; as much as he wants to cry too, he needs to be strong for his one and only. silently praying the pain in her heart will subside soon, he continued his loving acts.

“deep breaths baby, you can do it,” chris whispered, ensuring the person cradled in his arms is still getting sufficient oxygen. “i’m here now okay? you can rely on me, you can talk about it, you have me,” chris continued, not wanting to aggravate any painful memories.

“i- i’m sorry,” you managed to blurt out while trying to keep your shit together. you knew he was exhausted, visible from the eyebags and the way his shoulders sag. “i know you’re tired, i’m sorry you had to come home to whatever this is,” you continued. “i’ll be better.”

chris wanted to explode; who the hell made his wife feel like this? she’s everything he’s ever dreamt of; kind-hearted, a little clumsy, very dreamy, independent, smart, adora-

his train of thoughts were cut short when he hears your crying started to worsen.

“no,” chris said firmly while still holding your frame. “you, my love, are the definition of an angel. now, before your thoughts get the best of you, let me explain.”

hearing no response from his woman, he let out a small okay, to make sure you were fine with whatever he said and will say — which you were.

“who isn’t tired? we all have our own problems, some we can fight alone, some we need others to help. whatever you’re thinking now, it’s all the exact opposite of what i think of you. you’re perfect, and before you start with your nobody is perfect speech, to me, you are perfect. heck, i often ponder to myself, what did i do in my past life to deserve such a woman?”

responding to what he said, you simply held him tighter and buried your face in his neck. now only hearing sniffles, chris felt relieved you’ve calmed down.

chris had to get to the bottom of this — “is there something you want to tell me?”

after a good 2 minutes, you lifted your face so you could stare into his face and man, nothing ever prepared chris for what his love was about to say next.

“this morning, i went to my pilates class as usual. there were these group of women, i don’t know them at all since they’re new,” you paused, needing a breathe because you felt your throat closing up again.

with a nudge to your side and a kiss to your forehead, chris encouraged you to continue.

“i heard them talking about how they were able to travel around the world with their partners, having the time of their lives, while i’m rarely at home for lengthy times due to work. it’s not that i want to stay away from you, if i could choose i swear i’d choose spending time with you over anything else in the world. i’m sorry, i’ll be home longer, i’ll make you happier.”

a single tear rolled down your cheek, and at the speed of lightning, chris managed to kiss it away.

looking into her eyes with so much adoration one can ever have, chris replied, “you’re enough for me, baby. we have holidays where we can spend time with each other 24/7 and we communicate with each other pretty well. you make me the happiest man alive and don’t change yourself; you’re perfect just the way you are. i understand your feelings, but please don’t ever underestimate yourself, you’re literally my favorite person in the world and i don’t like the person i love the most get hurt because of her thoughts, okay?”

resorting to a nod to respond to his answer, chris felt his heart swell looking at his wife. someone so selfless, she even let her thoughts get the best of her.

“like we agreed, let’s talk about whatever’s bothering each other yeah? no secrets between us, i know you trust me as much as i trust you,” chris concluded, not wanting another wave of sadness wash over his beloved.

“i love you, chris,” you whispered as to not ruin the comfortable atmosphere blanketing the room.

“i love you most, my beautiful wife,” chris replied, with a kiss to your forehead, cheeks, nose and lips.

nobody said marriage life was easy. but one thing you learned was, it’s always the two of you versus the problem, and with the right person, marriage life can feel comforting, like hot chocolate on a snowy day. with chris, you always felt at home.

[icrypop]

In pain, theres peace.

Call of Duty Ghost

Ghost x Fem! Lieutenant! Reader

Angst/Comfort

Warnings: Mentions of guns/gunshot, wounds, friend dying, friend getting injured, self blame

Oof this one hurts- I'm so tired but I got it done, I need to go eat my hot-pockets now

-Writer Icy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gunfire. Screaming for a medic. Not having enough time

It happened too fast. I watch as he lay lifeless on the concrete floor, several gunshot wounds to the stomach and chest… right through the vest.

As the unit communicated through coms, the world went quiet for me. I froze, my heart pounding in my ears as my blood ran cold. Rage and anger but sadness and regret. I was frozen, stuck in one spot as I stared down at my now dead best friend. He had been there my junior and senior year of highschool and enrolled into the military with me..I was at his damn wedding- “Y/N! Pull yourself together!' I heard Soap's voice ring out sharply, his words cutting through the silence that I thought was there. 'This isn't a field trip, L/n! Get your ass into gea-” another gunshot and a yell. My head whipped around to Soap who was now bleeding from his bicep. “Fuck..” I had to move, I had frozen in the middle of fire. My heart sank as I realized the severity of my actions. 

Ghost’s POV

Soap's words had stung her, but they also served as a harsh reminder of her duty. I ran out just as L/n looped her arm up under Soap’s, making their way back to the hall we took cover in. I could only serve a sharp look her way. “L/n, You're a lieutenant. Act like one.” I grumbled under my breath. She put her head down as the rest of the unit met back at the evacuation heli.

No ones POV

After returning to base, a run-down shack in the middle of nowhere; they were able to get Soap down and banaged after removing the lodged bullet in his arm. “Fuckin’ ‘ell Soap” Ghost mumbled after watching Y/n bandage Soaps arm. “L/n, what the hell were you thinking? People die everyday- You could’ve gotten Soap or yourself killed.” 

Y/n nodded “Yes Ghost I know, I know the severity of my actions and what could’ve happened…It wont happen again.” she mumbled before leaving. Soap grabbed Ghost’s arm with his good one, “Go easy on ‘er mate. How’d you feel if ya’ lost her in combat?” Ghost nodded, “I know…Have to be harsh on her out front…Price would have our arse if he knew-” Soap patted his comrade’s arm and nodded “I know. Just go get ‘er.” He mumbled before relaxing back into his temporary bed.

Ghost returned to their shared room to find Y/n sitting on the edge of the bed, her back facing the door. Tears streamed down her face as grief consumed her, not only for their fallen comrade but also for the realization that her panic and freeze up could have jeopardized Soap, herself and the whole mission… So many more lives could’ve been lost if she had stood there another second-

“Y/n,” Ghost’s deep voice rang through the silence of the small room. He closed the door and made his way over to her, his heart heavy.

'I'm sorry, Simon,' Leah whispered, her voice trembling. 'I let you down.'

Ghost crossed the room and crouched in front of her. With a soft touch, he rested his ungloved hand on her knee, his gaze meeting hers. 'You didn't let me down, Y/n.”

'But I panicked,' Leah protested. “I could’ve gotten Soap or someone else on the team killed. I-If I had stood there another second, It could've-”

“We all have our moments of weakness, Y/n,” Ghost sighed, cutting her off. “But it's how we respond to them that truly matters.”

Ghost's words brought a glimmer of solace to Y/n. She leaned into his shoulder as the final walls broke as she cried openly into her partners shoulder. He held her close, whispering soothing words into her hair. “Let's honor your friend,” Ghost suggested softly. “We'll give them a separate burial, just the two of us tomorrow…I know they were your best friend.” 

“He was practically my brother Simon..” she hiccuped. “So lets make them feel honored. He may be gone but not completely.” Ghost soothed her to the best of his ability. Comfort wasn’t his specialty, it was Soap’s. Being with Y/n, he had to learn a thing or two as to, in words of Soap, “Not be a fucking dick-faced-prick”.

The following day, they found a secluded spot, far from the temporary base in the forest clearing. With solemn hearts, they laid their comrade to rest, offering a whispered prayer for their eternal peace. As they filled the grave, Y/n felt a sense of closure. Though the sorrow would linger, she knew that her friend had found their way to the afterlife. It hurt her but she knew it was always going to hurt when she lost someone she loved. She knew when she joined, they both did. But as she looked at her partner beside her, she felt relief that she wasn't going through this alone. The man might be harsh, rude, and unfeeling on the outside but she knew what laid in his heart and she loved him for it all.

Together, Ghost rebuilt Y/n’s shattered spirits. They recognized the strength in their connection and the importance of supporting each other through their darkest hours. Y/n's panic had been a harrowing experience, but it had also brought them closer together, forging an unbreakable bond that transcended the battlefield. He knew she was going to be okay, not today or tomorrow, but she’ll get through this and he’d help her till the end.

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group G, Round 2, Poll 8:

Propaganda under the cut

Taylor Hebert / Skitter

Gaslight: She’s constantly gaslighting herself, like seriously all the time. Mainly because she couldn’t properly process her own emotions to save her life. ‘I’m totally fine after doing [fucked up thing]. Totally fine. It was my only option, and definitely not a result of my own deep-seated trauma affecting the way I perceive and interact with the world around me. Plus it’s not like it was even *that* fucked up. Actually, it was definitely the most moral choice in that situation. I had no other option. They forced my hand’. No they fucking didn’t Taylor. You had tons of other options, you’re just too much of a traumatized mess to recognize them. And *Worm* is well-written enough that, because we’re constantly seeing things from her fucked up point of view, we believe her. Especially when she describes events slightly yet very significantly differently from how they actually *textually* occurred previously in the text, but not so obviously that the readers notice without it being pointed out to them. It’s only during interludes from the POVs of other characters that we get a view of her without that lens of self-delusion. Gatekeep: Probably the weakest of the three for her, but somebody else could probably tell you more. Girlboss: She has the power to control bugs, with perfect coordination, infinite multitasking, and even proprioception. What does she do with that (in no particular order)? Rot somebodies dick off. Stick flies up his urethra. Eat his eyes with your bugs after he’s already disabled. Stick bullets ant up somebodies anus. Have bugs clean off the sweat and other material immediately after losing your virginity. Use your bugs to to drive a car through a city post-disaster while blind, without anybody else realizing you’ve been blinded. Get stabbed in the shoulder through bone, and proceed to monologue to the stabbed without showing any signs of pain. Line up bugs on people your shooting at with bugs on your gun to give you pinpoint accuracy. Hide massive amounts of bugs in the folds and crevices of your body, as well as in in your hair. Join a gang of supervillains. Carve out somebodies eyes. Turn butterflies into an instrument of terror. Kill a baby. You know, just completely normal things for a barely 16 (pre-timeskip) / not-quite 18 (post-timeskip) year old girl to do (most of these were pre-timeskip).

[copied from @lakesbian so credit to them]

*rotting a guy's dick off with brown recluses. on accident. *realizing due to her accident that it's actually pretty effective to put bugs on genitals and starting to threaten people with putting tapeworms up their asses on purpose. and also putting bugs up asses and peeholes on purpose. really if theres an orifice she puts bugs up there on purpose *dips her bugs in capsaicin before putting bugs up orifices on purpose so it hurts more. [skitter voice]i just dipped every tarantula hawk wasp in my villainous lair in liquid pepper spray so nows not the time to get stupid with my ass *using spider silk to create rube-goldberg machines of suffering i.e hauling a dude 3 stories up into the air and then dropping him, shattering all of his limbs on impact. all while casually holding a conversation w/ someone else *using centipedes to hollow another villain's eyes out and then putting maggots inside and just Leaving Them There with the intent of the heroes she hands the villain over to finding the maggots later and being scared of her *killed parahumans' wonder woman equivalent by putting bugs in her lungs and then using those bugs to make silk in her lungs to block out airflow. while monotone-quoting something wonder woman had said to threaten her earlier back at her as she died. wonder woman wasn't even in the room to hear it she just did it anyway. *only time she has ever successfully been jailed is when she turned herself in on purpose *made a phone call using bugs once. not villainous but very funny and iconic *used bugs to swang around a disintegration knife on a massive length of silk, killing like 50 people instantly, because she wanted one (1) person in the room dead and was willing to just shotgun that shit until it worked out for her. and then immediately after proceeded to think of herself as "not much of a fighter." because she has psychological issues. *mind-control kidnapped several thousand people once *literally made fun of god's dead girlfriend until he got suicidal and died about it *drove a car. blind. using bugs. no one realized she was blind for like 12 hours because she's a bug freak superorganism of a girl who walked around using bugs to triangulate perfectly w/o vision. also not villainous but still iconic *wanted to put 10000 black widow spiders in a shared villainous base to make costumes out of spider silk w/ and when the other dude who lived there was like "wtf can we not??" she was like "huh that's surprising. you don't want 10000 black widow spiders in your home? why? are you arachnophobic or something?" because she's a freak. *fucked, got up, and immediately made several hundred bugs crawl across her naked ass body to clean her off. because she's a freak. her boyfriend has had spiders on his dick he's just going to have to live with this *literally psychologically cannot refrain from putting bugs in the hair and clothing of everyone within a several block radius to keep track of them at all times because she's a panopticonic freak. like i'm talking "her friends occasionally talk to bugs they see under the assumption that it's her spying on them, and they're Right" level panopticonic freak. she rocks. *did i mention she's 15. world's most autistic freak 15yo dissociates hard enough to kill god more at 7

Regina George

Mean Girls became a template for high school drama movies, Regina being the meanest of the titular "mean girls"

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run .09

Yandere!Eustass Kidd x F!Reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of past abuse, pregnancy, implications of death,

A/N: So since theres gonna be a little more people in this chapter then usually so some people are gonna have the same colors but different size fonts to indicate a different persons talking. hope its not to confusing. The key to help for people with the same color is below

Chopper- small orange Nami- regular orange

music playlist

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10 pt.11

~~~

“We’re here! Everyone assume positions and get ready to dock!” The sound of thunderous footsteps and Tashigi’s voice breaks through your nap. You rub your eyes as the sun shines through the windows of the bunk room. 

“Wake up (Y/N)! We’re at Sabaody!” Tashigi’s voice once again cuts through the silence as she calls out to you from behind the door.

“Mmh, I’m up…just give me a second.” You stretch gently before gathering the strength to push yourself up. Breathing heavily, you manage to sit up, the purple turtleneck you wore slightly riding up before you pull it back down. You grab your hat from beside you and position it so that it keeps your hair in place and hides the scar along your face.

“Do you need help picking up your things?” The door opens as Tashigi peaks inside to check up on you.

“That’d be wonderful. I can’t really pick up things like that anymore, haha.” You watch her grab some things and hand them to you before she carries some things herself.

“There's no need to do that. I’m going to have to carry it after I get off the ship.”

“I’m using it as an excuse to just hang out with you for a little longer. Smoker might make me do something.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the slight pout on Tashigi’s face. Yet, you were happy you’d be able to talk to her as friends before you guys became ‘enemies.’ The thought made your heart bleed, but there was nothing you could do about it. Even if you were enemies outside, you’d always be friends in your soul.

The thought of not being woken up and seeing the smiling faces of G-5 marines made a small voice inside you tell you to stay. That you’ll miss them more then you think you would. It was like an earworm replaying the same song over and over again. But when you bite your tongue harshly, all those thoughts leave, and the voice telling you to return to the Straw Hats and that your almost home comes back. It’ll always be hard, never being able to talk to them peacefully ever again. But the memories will soothe the pain. 

“Captain! We’’ve docked! We’re on tree 30!” One of the marines notifies Tashigi and you on th ebay that the ship was anchored. Thankfully, quite a bit away yet close enough to bay 41. While you weren’t looking forward to walking that far, it’d be worth it in teh end to see everyone.

“Here’s to hoping my shoes don’t get drenched in whatever makes those bubbles here.”

“It actually doesn’t! Truly weird stuff. Have you never been to Sabaody before?”

“I’ve been here but haven’t actually been on land. Just a quick sight as we passed by to head to the new world.”

“It’s a pretty place but also full of bad people. Bounty hunters, other pirates, and not to mention those disgusting Celestial dragons. Makes me sick.”

“Anyone sane would want to see those horrible people go down.”

Memories of the Celestial Dragons you encountered two years ago flood your mind as you hold back the urge to vomit everywhere. You remember a conversation you had with Killer months ago when you were still under Kidd’s lies. How he told you about how the Celestial Dragons mark their slaves by burning their symbol into their skin. Almost exactly like the jolly roger scarred into your own. Once again, though, you escaped your kidnapper's clutches. But there's so many people who’ll never be given the chance you’ve had. Never be able to see the sun as a free person.

‘No. Don’t dwell on that. Today’s supposed to be happy. Stop thinking about things you can’t control.’

“Well, this is it.” As soon as you were 20 feet from the ship, you and Tashigi stopped. Turning around to face the ship, you saw everyone gather to say goodbye, including Vice Admiral Smoker.

“So this is it, huh?”

“I guess so.” A little chuckle leaves your lips before it turns into tears. Despite trying your best to silence them, they continue to flow.

“I’m so thankful for all of you…You’ve always done so much for me, and there's nothing I can do to repay you. I’m going to miss you all so much.” You can feel Tashigi wrap her arms around you before starting to cry as well.

“Don’t leave (Y/N)! Stay with us!” The two of you held each other tight as tears continued to cry harder.

“I’m sorry! We can still be friends regardless of our sides!” Tears made your vision blurry as you held onto Tashigi for a little while longer before leaving her embrace. Walking up to Vice Admiral Smoker, you lower your head.

“Thank you for everything, Vice Admiral. I promise to protect the honor of G-5 and take down any pirate who dares speak ill of you. And I also promise that no civilian will be hurt by my hands.”

“They better not. Now, get out of here before I change my mind.” With a chuckle, you lift up your head and grab your things with Tashigi’s help.

“Oh, Tashigi, one more thing before I go. I have to ask you something.” With all the overthinking you’ve been doing, a scenario popped up in your head that you couldn’t help but ask her to be a part of.

“What is it?”

“If, by some chance, I do end up keeping the baby with me, and I happen to pass away, would you take care of them for me? Like a godmother or something?” Once again, you were wrapped up in Tashigi’s arms as she cried.

“I’m so honored! Of course, I will. Oh my god (Y/N), you're so sweet!” The two of you hug a little longer before separating. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you wave to the other marines, who wave back to you.

“Goodbye, everyone! I love you all!” With a final wave, you turn your back and make your way to the thousand sunny.

“Do you think she’ll be safe? I can’t help but worry.” Smoker watched as the captain of G-5 gently wiped her tears away. How a single pirate managed to worm her way into the hearts of G-5 will forever be a mystery to outsiders.

“She’ll be fine. As much as I’d like to arrest those Straw Hats right now, I’ll wait. We’ll definitely be seeing each other again. A pirate can only escape for so long.” Crossing his arms, he watches you walk away.

He’s never met someone like you in all his years on earth. Someone who’s been through hell twice yet still has kindness to give to a world that turned their back on her. How you’ve managed to pull through all these months was a miracle. So many nights, people were awakened to the sound of your cries from the night terrors you suffered, but no one said a word about it to him until a day ago. To suffer all that and still find a way to smile is a trait not many can say they have. It’s admirable.

“Let’s get ready to go back to the New World. Everyone get ready!”

“Yes, Vice Admiral!” Watching the Marines scatter helps Smoker ignore the sadness in his chest. Despite how he’d outwardly deny it, he’ll miss you. You can only hang out with someone for so long before they worm their way into your heart. And somehow, you managed to set up a place without meaning, too.

~~~

‘This place is much bigger than I remember. I hope I’m going the right way. Not like I can ask for directions.' You were trying to avoid the public eye yet not look suspicious, so you just kept your head down. With your hair covering your scar and your hat hiding your face, a slight sense of safety coursed through your veins. But not enough for you to ignore the wanted posters that had your face scattered everywhere. Even though there was so much noise around you, you still managed to catch your name being talked about.

“When the hell are the Marines going to catch her? Doesn’t she know the destruction and death she’s caused?!”

“She should just go back to Captain Kidd. Everyone would be safer and happier. She’s being selfish.” Those words make you stop in your tracks as a rage boils inside you. You know you promised Smoker that you wouldn’t lay a hand on a civilian, but how dare they call you that? They don’t know what you’ve been through. How can they tell you what you should do when they haven’t experienced anything you have?

“Let’s not forget she’s pregnant! The most infamous worst-gen pirate has a child! No doubt that child is going to be just like their dad!” Your knuckles turn white from how hard you were gripping your belongings. Every cell in yoru body begged for you to teach them a lesson. To tell people that they had no right to treat you the way they were. That if they went through what you went through, they wouldn’t be talking the way they were. You can feel your body shake in anger as they continue to talk.

‘I have to keep moving. I’m gonna do something I’ll regret if I don’t.’ Taking a deep breath, you begin to fast walk away from the two civilians. You’ve come too far to blow your cover now.

“300,000,00 berri’s if given to Captain Kidd, but only 100,000,000 if given to the Marines? Why would anyone turn her into the Marines if the price Kidd is asking is much higher?”

“Right?”

‘Just keep walking. Just keep walking.’ Water begins to appear at your tear line as you try to ignore the angry tears that threaten to spill. Your heart beats hard as you look at the ground, only sneaking glances at the trees to see that faithful 41.

“Please leave me alone! I’ll give you all my money. Just let me go!” A woman screaming caught your attention, making you scan your surroundings. When you turned your head to the right, down a dark alley, you saw a large masked man gripping a woman's wrist harshly. The scene triggered your own memory of being in her shoes.

“Please! Just let me go! I-I’ll give you all the money I have! Just let me go!” You try to pry his meaty hand off your wrist, but inside, you know it was pointless. It seemed your desperate attempt amused him.

“Now, why would I let something I caught fair and square go?” The way his eyes looked up and down your body made a shiver go down your spine.

“I could get a pretty penny selling you as a slave. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No! Someone help me!” You begged for someone to help her. The chances of your cover being blown would multiply if you jumped in. Yet, the more seconds that went by, the more your hope diminished. Images of that man two years ago, the day everything happened, popped into your head. The man begged for help, and all he wanted was to see his family, but no one did anything. All they did was ignore him as those horrible people arrived and killed him.

You couldn’t do anything then, but maybe now, you could.

Picking up your bags, you walk into the dark alley, your heart beating wildly. Looking up just enough to see the man’s chest, you crack your knuckles before speaking.

“Didn’t you hear her? Let her go.” The sounds of struggling stopped before a raspy laugh left the man.

“Your kidding me? A pregnant lady trying to jump in and help? What are you gonna do? Waddle over here and give birth on me?” His words only made you see red.

“I’m going to give you one more chance. Let her go, or else.” The familiar tingling in your fingertips reemerges as you wait for the man’s next move. Your fingers twitch as you can hear barely silent crackling.

“Oh, I’m so scared!” The man mocked you and seemingly gripped the woman's wrist harder. 

“You're hurting me!” As those final words leave the woman’s mouth, you curl your fingers into claws before feeling the tingling get stronger and the crackling gets louder.

Light began filling the dark alley, flashing and flickering as the ball of pure electricity in your hand started forming. Each snap of electricity only made you pour more anger into your attack.

“A devil fruit user? Go figure. Just because you have some powers doesn’t change the fact that you're weak-” After deeming it has enough charge, you throw it straight for the masked man. You watch him try to dodge, only to have it hit him directly in the chest.

The woman manages to pull her wrist free from the man’s grip before running behind you. Both of you watch as the ball of electricity disperses and runs across his entire body. You watch him grab his chest before falling back and landing on the ground with a heavy thud. Without saying a word, you watch as the man spasms on the ground, trying to get a breath in.

“We need to go now.” With the woman nodding, you both quickly walk away from the alley and into the road. Having all your belongings in your hands, you feel slightly drained. Your lungs burn as your mouth goes dry. Sure, you’ve used your devil fruit powers on pirates while in G-5, but that stopped when you found out you were pregnant. So it’s been months since you’ve used it on anyone.

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you anywhere else, right?”

“No. And yes, I’m okay.”

“Good.” Turning your back, you begin walking towards Grove 41 once again.

“Wait!”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come.”

“No problem. Just make sure you stop using back alleys and stay on public roads.”

“I will.” You watch the woman run in the opposite direction from you and take that as your cue to continue your original quest.

~~~

After walking for what felt like hours, the familiar smiling lion comes into view, and you feel your heart jump in your chest. Seeing the thousand sunny after being in the dark for so long felt like seeing a miracle happen before your eyes. A new-found energy bursts inside you as you start walking faster with a new vigor.

‘I’m here! I’m here!’ Holding your belongings with a crushing grip, you can feel a huge smile spread to your face. You could hear laughter the closer you got, and your heart felt as if it were going to explode!

Soon enough, you were close enough to where you were able to see a clear view of the crew. You try to speak, but nothing seems to come out. It felt like it was a dream. Even though you were speechless, your presence seemed to be enough as a familiar face called out to you.

“(Y/N)?!” You watch her run up to you along with the others.

“(Y/N)!”

Not even seconds pass before you're encased in a hug. The feeling of being near them was enough to have you start sobbing. Being surrounded by pure love and care but the people you owe your life to felt unreal. You’ve dreamed of this moment for so long, and now that it is finally here, you don’t know where to start.

“You're okay! I was so worried about you!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“We all were,”

“I missed you all so much…I’m so happy!" Despite your limited ability, you try to hold everyone close to you. It’s been so long since you’ve been so happy that the feeling almost felt foreign.

“I can’t believe this is real. I was so afraid I’d never see you guys again!”

“Come on! Let’s go sit down now. I bet you're tired.” Through your tears, you nod as you let them take you aboard the Sunny. You notice a shiny substance covering it. 

“What's that?”

“Oh! It’s the coating that’s going to help bring us down to Fishman Island!”

“Wonder if Franky enjoys having his ship covered in bubbles.” Laughter erupts through the tears. Having your shoes crunch against the grass of the safety has a wave of safety washing over you. Sitting on the bench connected to the mast pole, your able to let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Robin and Nami sat next to you while almost everyone else sat on the grass.

“Where’s Luffy and Zoro?”

“They should be here soon. I swear if that moss head got lost.” You finally take off your hat as the sun is beating down harshly, making you sweat. With your hair finally being able to move, the strands that once hid the huge scar on your face disappeared. Leaving it for them all to see.

“Oh my god, what happened?! How did you get that scar?!” While you knew you shouldn’t have been surprised they’d notice it right away, it still managed to shock you. Maybe you just lived with it for so long that you’ve forgotten what you used to look like without it.

“This? Oh. I went face first into a corner of a crate.”

“Does it hurt? Here, let me check!” You watch as Chopper hops onto the bench before examining your face. 

“How you are not blind is amazing, considering where it’s placed.” Feeling Chopper's little hooves on your face causes a small warmth to erupt in your chest.

“No, it doesn’t hurt. I’ve had it for a while. And it hasn’t caused any problems.”

“What about this one? There's a huge one on the back of your head.” You feel Robin's nimble fingers gently brush through your hair, her gentle touch reminding you of your mother. The sensation made you bite your lip as you choked back tears.

“Can you do that again, Robin? It felt nice.”

“Sure.” Her calm voice and touch made your eyes close as you tried to regain composure.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm? Yes Robin?” A shiver goes down your spine as you feel her trace the scar.

“Did….Kidd do this to you?” Simply hearing his name makes tears finally slip down your cheeks, and some even onto Chopper's hooves. With your vision blurry, you close your eyes and nod. Even saying his name would leave a bad taste in your mouth.

‘God damnit. I should be crying tears of joy! Not sadness!’ You argued with yourself as you tried to pull yourself together. Gripping your pants, you dig your nails into the fabric.

“How about we change the subject? Umm—” A loud rumbling echoes around everyone, making you hold your stomach.

“Sorry. I haven’t eaten a snack or something.” With the adrenaline finally settling down, you realize how tired and hungry you were.

“Do we have supplies restocked?”

“Of course (Y/N)-swan!”

“That’s good. I’ll just go get something to eat real quick.” Just as you go to sit up, Nami sits you right back down.

“Sanji can get it. You’ve walked all the way here, so Sanji can whip you up something. Right, Sanji?” The stare-down Nami gave the cook made a giggle slip past your lips. You watch Sanji run so fast to the kitchen that dust almost flies behind him.

“Okay, the rest of you, except Chopper, scram.” Nobody moved for the first 20 seconds.

“SCRAM!” Everyone begins to run in different directions until only you, Nami, Robin, and Chopper are left.

“Okay, now that they’re all gone, we can talk about more important things.”

“More important things?” Nami puts her hand on your back, and Robin continues to gently comb through your hair. You watch her look down at your stomach before looking back up at you sympathetically. 

“How are you holding up? Do you have any pain?”

“It’s okay. Not anything right now. I get migraines sometimes from the head injury and back pain, but that’s it. Just regular pregnancy things, I suppose.”

“Have you been eating properly and sleeping well? Taken a tumble or anything?”

“No. I’ve been stable on my feet. And almost all I do is eat and sleep.” Chopper lets out a sigh of relief.

“That’s good.”

“I do work out and exercise. Gotta keep myself strong, ya know?”

“We just don’t want you to overdo it. Pregnancy is no easy feat, so it's nice to hear that you're doing well.”

“How far along are you, do you know?”

“Six to seven months.” With Nami and Robin comforting you, it was easier to talk about the baby growing inside you. Yet the nagging thought in your head kept coming back.

“Do you think Luffy will let me stay a straw hat? Even after knowing that I’m pregnant?” You can hear your heartbeat in your ears as you look at Nami and Robin.

“Of course! You’ll always be a straw hat!”

“No matter what!”

“Everything will be okay (Y/N).” You put your arms over Nami and Robin and hold them close. Chopper cuddles close and hugs you as well. Tears fall from your eyes, and you never want to let them go.

“I don’t know what to do, your guys. It feels like no matter what I choose, everything is the wrong decision.”

“If I give the baby up for adoption, there's a chance Kidd will find them or the marines will use them as bait. If I were to keep them, the Marines and Kidd still would be after us. All I want is for them to grow up happy and safe. Is that really too much to ask?”

“No. Not at all. No matter what you choose, we’ll stand beside you.”

“You’ll never have to be alone again.” You see Chopper jump up from the shared hug with a look of shock and wonder in his eyes.

“Chopper? Are you okay?” Everyone split from the hug and looked at Chopper in concern.

“I felt them kick me! When we were hugging, I felt them kick me in the face!” Normally, such words wouldn’t have a positive reaction, but this seems to be a different story. Nami and Robin seemed excited, too, at Chopper's confession.

“Really?! Aw!”

“They know were talking about them.” Robin smiled and giggled softly.

“Have you thought about names?”

“Not really. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl even.”

“Well, do you have names that you planned on naming your baby with (....)? Perhaps you can name the baby after them?” It’s been a while since you’ve heard your late fiance’s name—almost to the point that you’ve forgotten it with all the chaos that surrounded your life.

Kidd didn’t know your fiance's name, or you hope he didn’t. On one hand, you somewhat liked the idea. But at the same time, it’d be a constant reminder of the love you lost. You fear you might accidentally compare the baby to a person they’ve never met. And even though the baby was innocent, the fact it’d be the offspring of the man who took everything from you, having their name felt wrong and tainted.

“They deserve to be their own person, so I don’t think I’ll give the baby (....)’s name.” You rub your stomach subconsciously.

“What if they look like him? I know it’d still be my child, but…”

“Even if the baby looks exactly like Kidd, it doesn’t mean they’ll be like him. I bet one of my tangerine trees that they’ll be the exact opposite.” A chuckle leaves your lips as the ease Nami brings seems so natural.

“I’ll take you up on that offer.” You and Nami shake hands, and the sound of the kitchen door opening lets you know the food is finally done.

“After you're done eating, I'd like to give you a checkup to see if everything's healed alright.”

“Sounds good.”

~~~

After finishing your lunch, you head up to the infirmary. When you sat on the bed, you noticed just how out of breath you were. The stairs have been getting harder and harder each day. What used to be an easy task now felt like you were being asked to climb a mountain.  

“You okay (Y/N)?” Holding a clipboard, you watch Chopper walk over to you and look at you in concern.

“Stairs are just getting a little harder, but it’ll be okay. So what's your first plan of action, doctor?” It was always so cute to see Chopper get all excited when called a doctor.

“Can I check out any wounds or scars that may have happened since we last saw each other? I’ve made scar cream that is supposed to help reduce the size and stiffness that comes with said scars.”

“Oh, okay. There’s…a lot. Just give me a second.” You begin to take off your sweater before placing it beside you. Chopper's eyes widen as he tries to focus on a single scar, but there's so much more than the last time he’s seen you. He doesn’t know where to start, but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by staring.

“Is there any place you want me to check first?”

“I don’t know if there are any on my back, so you can check there.” you feel Chopper jump on the bed and start to inspect your back. The bra you wore gave the reindeer enough space to inspect your back. While it didn’t cover the scar you hated the most, you simply hid your chest with your hand.

“Not seeing much. Just small ones anyone could have." Chopper goes and grabs your left arm to check it out. You feel his hooves put pressure on the scars before stopping at your hand.

“Did you get shocked? What happened that caused all these small scars?” The realization that you haven't shown anyone your devil fruit powers yet shoots through your mind, and a small excitement courses through your veins.

“Chopper, can you let go of my arm real quick?” Chopper cocked his head before letting go. A big smile plasters on your face before you take a deep breath.

There were sizzling and cracking echos in the room as electricity started to form along your arm and slither around your scared skin. It gave off a flickering glow as you began to accumulate it in your hand.

“Woah! I didn’t know you had devil fruit powers! Why didn't you tell us earlier?”

“I only got them during the two-year separation. I’ve worked my ass off to have control like this. I’m probably not as strong as the rest of you guys, but I think this’ll help.” All your words seemed to go in through one ear and out the other as Chopper watched the electricity form into a ball in your hands.

“I’ve never seen an electricity logia type devil fruit. I didn’t even know there was one.”

“Well, here I am, haha.” Chopper laughs alongside you before he stops. You wonder why, but you soon figure it out when you follow his eye direction. Since he asked to see your arm, you left the branding scar open for him to see. The look of horror is present on his face.

“Oh my god, how did I not see this?!” Moving around to get a better look, Chopper stands next to you on the bed. Carefully moving his hoove near your chest, he stops.

“Is it okay if I check this out?” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you nod.

“Yeah.” You feel Chopper place his hoove on the scar and watch as his eyebrows knit together.

“Unlike the other ones, this one is raised above the skin rather then indented.”

“Is that…a bad thing?”

“No. The one on your chest is a hypertrophic scar, it’s normal to scar like this on ones chest. The others are simply atrophic scars. They're all fine, but…”

“But?”

“I just can’t believe it. With this being in such a sensitive place, I can’t imagine the pain this caused.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t a fun recovery.” Tears gather in your eyes at the memory. There are a million memories you wish you could forget, and this just happened to be in your top five. Remembering Kidd’s approach with that heated metal pole speeds up your heart rate and constricts your chest. Your breath goes jagged as the tears start flowing.

“I look like a freak. Everywhere I look is a reminder of him. How can someone ever love me when all they see is a disfigured shell of a human.” You begin to cry into your hands as the room feels suffocating. Tears slip through your fingers and onto your tummy as you try to catch your breath.

“What have I done to deserve this? Everyone in my family is dead, and I don’t even have a home to go back to! My entire island was wiped out in a single afternoon, and there's only five people who survived to prove the island even existed in the first place! Why do they have to perish while I live?! What’s so great about me?!”

“What’s not great about you?” You and Chopper freeze and look at the infirmary door. There stood Luffy with a big smile on his face.

“Luffy?” Dropping your hands to your thighs, you look at him through your blurry vision.

“I was wondering where you were! But Usopp told me you were in here with Chopper and-” Luffy’s happy voice soon cuts off as he fully registers the state Kidd had reduced you to. You watch his eyes zero in on the branding before his expression darkens.

“Did he do that to you?” He points to the scar, and even though you try to sound tough, you hiccup out a ‘yes’ as you feel your body shake.

“I know it’s their Jolly Roger, but I promise I didn’t want it! Please don’t kick me out, Luffy! I—” You stop in your tracks when you feel something be placed on your head. Rubbing your eyes, you see the brim of Luffy’s straw hat in front of your face. You are at a loss for words as your heart beats in your ears.

“You're not going anywhere (Y/N). I’ll make sure he’ll never lay a hand on you ever again.”

“Cause I’m gonna kill that bastard for doing this to you.”

~~~

Sitting in his workshop, Kidd twirls a sharp scrap of metal between his fingers while looking at the wall. All the bounty posters for the straw hats are plastered on the wall, covered in holes from the number of knives and sharp scraps he’s thrown at them. Even seeing their faces makes rage course through Kidd’s veins.

His eyes zero in on the captains before he throws the metal scrap at the poster. It hilts the man on the poster right between the eyes. His poster is the most shredded. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have been taken and escaped in the first place.

It’s been six months since you left the Victoria Punk, and every second has been a waking nightmare for everyone. While their captain had always been a hothead, he’s been ten times worse ever since you left. The amount of blood on his hands could rival the devil’s—and to many, he was.

The Victoria Punk has become one of the most feared pirate ships currently sailing. When the Victoria's big jaws came into the sight of any other pirates or marines, all they could do was pray. They prayed that by some miracle, Eustass ‘Captain’ Kidd would take pity. Unfortunately, the New World was not known for its kindness, and neither was he.

There was even talk about naming him a new emperor of the sea.

While the title would help him on his path to becoming King of the Pirates, it meant nothing if he still couldn’t find you six months after the fact—couldn’t find you or his unborn child. He didn’t know how you were doing, how the pregnancy was progressing, or what the gender was. It didn’t matter much to him because, in the end, they’d make a great future ruler of the sea.

“Kidd!” Bursting open the workshop door stood the right-hand man of the Kidd pirates. He huffed and puffed, trying to regain his breath after running from across the other side of the ship.

Moving his eyes towards the man in teh doorway, Kidd responds before throwing another scrap metal at the posters.

“What is it Killer?” Walking up closer to the table, Killer slams down multiple papers and photos.

“What am I looking at?”

“I know who’s been harboring (Y/N).” Jumping from his seat, Kidd gets closer to what Killer was showing him. 

“What?! Who?!”

“After looking through enough photos and newspaper, I’ve managed to pinpoint the marine squad that’s been hiding her.”

“Well?! Spill it!”

“Marine squad G-5. It’s occupied by Vice Admiral Smoker and Captain Tashigi. How many lower rank marines are on the ship, I don’t know but it can’t be anymore then twenty.” Gritting his teeth, Kidd looks at the pictures of each crew member.

“Next marine ship we see, keep a marine alive. We’ll use them to get G-5’s location.”

“And after we find them?”

“Kill every single one of them. I want that ship to paint the sea red.”

~~~

@rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092 @nerdgeekandeverysweet-blog @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @lovemesomefanfic846 @ryuv1i @carpinchootaku @misoxramen @pinkfoxmusic

[lifes-line]

DEFO DEFO TAZ SPOILERS

So one of my favorite taz aus is what I call "the replacement au" or the "Lup Au" which is basically what if it was Taako who died or went missing and it was Magnus, Merle, and Lup working for the BOB

In which case that poses a lot of questions for each arc so lemme tell you my theories on how it would've gone

Here they be gerblins:

Lup has always had a horrible ache in her heart. She wouldn't call it depression but no matters how hard she tries to move on and forget. She has always felt something painful and missing in her heart. Like someone ripped out a huge half of it and left her with the rest. She's had this feeling all her lonely life as a single child and no matter what magic she used on herself or how many people she surrounded herself with... she couldn't escape that feeling... Magnus and Merle somehow helped though. Being the absolute dumbasses they are.

Lup finds herself flirting with barry blue jeans and disappointed he wont be joining them later-

Lup sees Taako's skeleton/corpse and takes the wizard hat and his glave(or whatever his magical weapon he made during their year of artificing was)

She feels drawn to the phoenix fire gauntlet and she teases about putting it on alot(before phandalin goes to shit), she also gives it a high five but she isnt dumb enough to put it on and understands how dangerous it is and how devestating the events that follow are

Lunar interlude one

Lucretia is baffled to see lup having taako's things on but thats not important

im gonna say Lup gets pretty similar things to taako since they are the same class(just different schools of magic)

She doesn't fuck with leon as much as taako does but she still does of course

Murder on the rock port limited:

They get on the train without charm person but of course theyre still "not who they appear to be" as merle keeps loudly insisting they kill the ticket guy

Lup respects angus but they dont get close as he does with Taako so instead Angus gets closer with Magnus though Lup does offer to teach angus some magic lessons

Smokes that crab

Pretty much all of the taako things except she might be a lil less dramatic about the drink cart

Petals to the metal

Lup and hurley are bffs dont even trip

Lup defo found Sloane attractive but backed off when she found out she was taken

also found captain captain bane attractive

a quip of "My type are hardcore nerds with those obnoxious spectacles and sexy science facts"

Lup either picks a mongoose mask or goes with a phoenix I imagine

She would threaten the guards to get into the hammerhead base at first but then switch up to help out Merle's plan - or she'd just straight up kill the last guy and hit em with the "I forgot about that"

Since theres no way to absorb the arcane core she makes it explode and it works just as well

You can assume she has taakos position in the car ride, but most likely she cannot summon Garyl and instead klaarg comes in and saves merle and later her

Red robe shows up and shes the only one who fucking remembers the director telling them about them and she is the only one to insist they dont listen to him

but they do anyway and she gets majorly suspicious

Small lunar interlude:

Fuck Lucas but not fuck him but yknow

Oh yeah the red robe? "I want to let you know I am the only one who actually remembered we should've bounced"

Crystal Kingdom

Oooh transmutation relic not her thing

She cooks tho

Lucretia? "That's such a cute ass name, I'm gonna start calling you Lucy"

can i also have a red suit

that pink thing looks like salt

Also in consensus Lucas in fact a huge asshole.

Actually answers buddy bots question/riddles within the first two minutes

Yeah ill go into the elevator world? Oh no cockroaches? Yeah Lup makes fun of merle for liking cockroaches and then kills the one he missed.

They meet N03ll3 which is great and all but what do you mean you keep picking up lich activity

Go into Lucas's room cause Lup disguises self

Ok I dont know what a lich is why do you keep harassing me

Merle loses an arm oh fuck

Also gonna kill Lucas

fine lets learn some science

oh its that red bitch again - Lup is only not running because her boys wanna hear this too and also this lich is like weirdly flirting with her

"It's... Lup, where did you get that hat?" "Oh this? I took it off of some skeleton on our first adventure." "... oh my god.. you.. you found him... you..."

Weird I just made this lich who was flirting with me upset about my dope ass hat

YEAH SHES BEEN WEARING TAAKOS WIZARD HAT THIS WHOLE ASS TIME

skipping a bit woah oil can time

woah the crystal guy is back and instead of merle being the most dangerous its Luuuuuup? Whyyyyy????

"Wait haven't I seen you before?" He asks Lup and she tilts her head. The crystal shakes his head. "Nevermind. one second-"

Guys hes calling me a lich or possessed by one what do I do

Kick ass, Not tentacling dick ew, lucas there you are - woah magnus

Oh its the grim reaper, No we are not being shipped together-

Lore

"And you, Lup. Are still dead." "... Sorry what-" "You're dead?" "Nah I still got my hit points, I mean I'm bruised and bloody but I'm still alive." "Yeah is this maybe another Lup... or...?" "No. She's a lich. She is an undead entity that must be locked away in the eternal stockade." "How about fuck that (tries to kick his ass)"

More lore

YoU ATE THE WHAT

Oh hi kravitz, can you look pass this posession if I promise to have someone free me? And if this lich leaves me so im not a vessel anymore you can come get it, trust "... I.. I cannot let a lich get out of my sight." "Bro I cannot fight you anymore." "Well, it would be more dangerous if you died but you refuse to come peacefully." "I dont think Im a lich I just think im posessed - we've done a lot of crazy shit in our adventures-" bla bla bla fine its settled

We'll debrief in a sec ig here lemme uhh. i dont have transmutation its so over , just shape the damn stone and idk someone else can do magic right?

Debriefing oh yeah the red robe was there, yeah i lowkey dont really trust you, ok fine i can settle

They dont talk about the deaths to lucy in canon but after the debriefing Lup gathers the boys up and talks to them "Hey so you know how he called me an undead evil lich. so like... lets not tell the director and merle can you like perform an exorcism or something just to see if its true?" "Uh I have detective good and evil?" "Dope." And NOTHING HAPPENS BECAUSE LUP ISNT EVIL- but merle does detect some necromantic energy radiating off her whole being but he doesnt have like a spell to fix her so theyre like lets not worry about it rn

Lunar interlude

Alright angus this is magic, cooking? Why the fuck would i teach you how to cook

Ok you got me i grew up by myself in a lonesome life as a vendor but i didnt cook or anything I just spent my whole life doing side jobs and saving people. yeah fire is my speciality but like i wouldnt recommend it for you cause its literally fire. and youre a kid.

Whered I get the glave? A skeleton from a cave. He was wearing a red robe so lowkey maybe im possessed by his spirit but like... doubt.

Eleventh hour

I believe in you ango

woah we're here

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FIGHTING THE WORMS LEAVE THEM ALONE THEYRE JUST BABIES

alright lets get this bread - bye avi - hello clay perosn. roswell? ok Wow that statue sure is red what the fuck

"This is bad.. this is a bad thing i did." Yeah I kept it.

Hi Cassidy im sure we can be besties

woah earthquake

Lets go in the inn, oh hello pretty elf lady, ok she doesnt care about me wdym you know magnus - guys wait dont make me talk to her alone

"Why do you live in a bubble?" "Lup." "WHAT?"

I wanna meet paloma fuck you guys

I will go to town on these scones, you need gold can I trade you anything else

I can hardly remember these goddamn loops so lets assume that lup and taako do alot of the same shit except she doesnt steal any of this shit -

Put him in a bubble... ok-

Hi Istus, What's this? Not a bag of holding? "This item... has the ability to bring back anyone from the dead, as long as they have been deceased for at least over a decade." "Oh this could be useful for all the guys you killed!" "Yeah!" "Well... you could save it too but... yes I suppose so?" "But only for over a decade." "Why the fuck is that so specific?" "STOP SWEARING IN FRONT OF CHRISTMAS" "ITS ISTUS"

Ok get that cup

Fuck you issak

WOAH ITS THE CUP BACKSTORY TIME; Besides the long periods of static and weirdly fuzzy childhood, Lup's biggest regret in her life? Well she didn't have anything really. She didn't put any of her skills to good use.. except once. She was performing her evocation magic for money and it got out of hand. She seriously injured an innocent person that resulted in their death. "Lup... that is your biggest regret. But it hasn't happened yet. If you claim me, we can go back and save that life. They would have never died. We can go back and save them."

thats the best i can do

Lup probably takes the longest to think this over because she cant handle the fact she murdered an innocent but Magnus's speak of "Tell me what happens if we dont do this" convinces her to stay

DONT KILL THE WORM YOU BITCHES, LISTEN TO JUNE

FREEDOM

Oh fuck its that red robe again - no we dont fucking trust you

"You don't... You don't trust me...?" He looks to Lup, and floats down to her level. Despite his occasional flattery and softness when he speaks to her, lowering himself and looking her in the eye pulls at something invisible in her heart. Something she hasn't felt in forever. "Lup...? You don't trust me?" "I don't even know you." The red robe whispers some more things and electricity flies off of him as he vanishes.

Hi Paloma oh a vision? "In your hour of greatest need, you will receive help from the forgotten one."

Ok back home - oh fuck IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER?

Lets fight? OK!

Lunar interlude

Date at the chug n squeeze? Wrong. Battle of the century. Almost.

Lup v Kravitz the two face off with Kravitz just trying to knock Lup out so he can safely transfer her into the astral plane without her dying

Lup, who doesnt think shes a lich, is just trying not to die.

They dont do this on the moon, they do this in neverwinter

IS THAT THE FUCKING RED ROBE?

As he saves you. As you're down you feel something phase through you as a red robe walks through your body and presents itself in front of Kravitz. He emits that same electricity off of his body and Kravitz looks baffled but only rifts a hole into the astral plane. "You're coming with me." As the battle is only beginning the red robe whispers to you, Lup; "Run."

PURCHASES THE RAGING FLAMING POISONING SWORD OF DOOM

Suffering game

Hey lucy, oh youre not fifty? Oh thats lowkey kind of fucked "Luckily as an elf i dont think i have to worry about that... sorry-"

Maggy where the fuck are you going

I feel like Lup would either follow magnus or magnus would defo ask Lup to help break out robi, so she does.

MAGNUS YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM-

Oh fuck get me out of here fighting these monsters

Lord artemis sterling and his bodyguards... cool.. ok

nvm lydia is hot

Ok this sucks

Lup gets the same sacrifices as Taako, so she takes the bad luck, shes fine with losing some life, hands? No Im not giving you my hand, fuck. MY APPEARENCE...? Yeah i dont care.

Chooses trust instead of forsake.

"Why should this person chose you?" "Uhh... Cause I'm hot as fuck." *applauds*

SAVES MAGNUS OFC - Oh is that the grim reaper? So Lup actually does try to save Kravitz cause lowkey she wants to be on good terms with him

Is that the red robe-

WE'RE TRUSTING HIM NOW????

her ghost looks ... weird.

Its nearly impossible to kill Edward, except when he's a lich. So. That's actually when Lup gets an idea. And she dies. Like full on explodes herself.

LICH LUP WOOOOOO

As soon as Lup is free from her body, her very very death and actually burning corpse. Everything hits her very slowly and soon all at once. So instead of killing edward immediately Lup instantly panics and starts to lose her cool... until "Lup?" She hears Barry's voice. It's not her anchor but it's enough to remind her of the situation at hand.

Lup destroys edward, so lydia destroys magnus's body

As Magnus sees Lup's liches form he isn't surprised, because he remembers when Lup sat down and told them all(?) about her and ... somebody's decision to become a lich... WAIT WHAT

Lup demands more answers from Barry and Magnus does the same, Barry is more sweet about it to Lup than Magnus

Merle is looking at Lup and Barry with upmost confusion and WHAT IS GOING ON????

To Barry's cave! Hey why is there two pods here

"So... I'm really glad actually, Lup, that you're here. And you're back... and as much as i wanna stop the end of the world to kiss you... We gotta move. We both saved what we could from our corporeal forms - mine is a bit more fresh but yours is back from the [starblaster]... so ... I actually don't know what you'll remember but youre gonna need it if we wanna get back on that moon base and confront Lucretia."

Merle can't hear anything and he is so confused, Magnus can understand this all and contiens demanding answers- before they both enter the tank, Magnus gets Lup's outfit while Merle pulls out deniem blue jeans AND WAIT BARRY AS IN BARRY BLUE JEANS?? beFORE THEY DO THIS

Lup looks to Barry and asks where Taako is. The name sounds familiar to Magnus, but his head is splitting in two before he can remember such a person. Barry can't bring himself to reply so he simply tells Lup he isn't sure but he doesn't have high hopes.

As they both go into their own tanks, Barry doesnt know anybody or anything. Lup steps out and she throws on her outfit and demands answers from magnus and merle of what happened after she died. "Am I a lich? Am I posessed? IS THAT BARRY?" And why is barry still so goddamn attractive?

Barry looks at Lup like shes the love of his life and actually starts being timid and nervous around her

Magnus tries explaining but once its all static the idea of another void fish comes to mind... PLANNING

BACK TO THE MOON BASE

heres the relic, magnus is dead, fuck you.

Oh hi angus, the truth? uhhhh i guess we can tell you oh is that zone of truth. dammit barry-

SECOND VOID FISH?

Oh my god........ my brother is dead. Taako is dead.

Hi Lucy, "I'm gonna fucking kill you now." But Barry holds Lup back as her fire wall is pathetic against her shield.

"I'm so sorry Lup but.. the pain was too unbearable. Taako.. Taako is gone. And he's not coming back."

Story and Song

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT-

As all hope seems lost after Lup remembers the other half of her heart, Barry and Lup are refusing to die because they cant be liches forever. They dont have anything to go back to-

She remembers Paloma's prophecy, and Istus's gift. It's a simple ritual - a simple spell and only thinking of her brother she casts it. And Lup almost loses it again when nothing happens.

It takes too much but Lucretia is the one who channels a spell to crush these beats in their own shield before she vanishes. ANd now we gotta do other shit yay

Lup and Barry and sent to find the ship but she can't bring herself to do so... "I... I know we're supposed to save the world and everything Barry but... but what's the point... without Taako here with us?"

Barry does what he can to comfort his fiance before he notices the sphere of black glass. "Listen.. do you remember in lucas's lab when we was going over everything?" "Ye.. yeah?" Barry takes a breath to elaborate but Lup cuts him off. "Barry you know transumtation isn't my school of magic." "I know but..." He points to the glave she's holding. "It's his."

And with that they feather fall down and give it a try.

While Barry begins to fight for his life - with the help of Lucas who joins them, Lup continuously tries and fails to open this portal. She slams her head against her own creation and curses Taako for not being here. How is she supposed to go on when Taako is gone? And she didn't even get to grieve? Or say goodbye? And why did Istus lie to her?

And then a rift in space opens. And there he is. Taako appears in his red robe without his hat or his weapon. Lup feels a hand on her shoulder suddenly as she hears her brother's voice say "Don't worry Lulu, I have magical powers." And when he touches his weapon to the sphere it's like an explosion goes off.

"Taako! Where'd you open that portal to?!" "The Astral Plane."

When Lup sees Kravitz (and he looks fucking awful.) behind him she suddenly flips out; "ARE YOU DATING THE GRIM REAPER?" "SHUT UP"

But it doesn't last long before Lup embraces Taako tightly.

TAAKO ONLY CAME BACK BECAUSE MEREL RECONNECTED WITH THE GODS BTW SO ISTUS COULDNT HOLD UP HER END OF THE DEAL UNTIL SHE WAS BACK-

OK SHIP TIME WE GET TOGETHER EVERYONE IS PISSED AT LUCRETIA BUT as theyre discussing the science behind it she suddenly offers, looking at the tres horny boys briefly that there is a third option. Thanks Paloma.

Taako stays on the plane to fight while Lup, sure she wont lose him again, kicks the hungers ass.

Epilogue, everything is pretty much the same because lup doesnt wanna run a school for magic and now that taako was apparently routing for lup in the astral plane the whole time shes off the hook

THE END YAYAYAYA

EDIT I KNOW I HAVE MORE WOOHOO:

Why does Taako die? Why does he care?

Well, Taako knew he couldn't just rely on a dance to cheer up Lup - so Taako decided he was going to do something good and destroy his sister's relic. Obviously he can resist the temptation but Cyrus Rockseeker does not. Taako blasts him with his glave(or clave or whatever) into the safe but ultimately dies.

We then we Taako wake up in the astral plane, behind the bars of the eternal stockade where a skeleton stands before him checking off a list. He says something in a cockney accent along the lines of "Finally, I've been lookin' for you."

"Crazy accent you go there Ghostrider, where am I?" "You're in the Astral Plane, Taako. Finally. You wouldn't happen to know where your others friends are? They're supposed to be locked up in here with you."

"... What-"

AND OVER THE TIME TAAKO SUCCESSFULLY FLIRTS AND SEDUCES KRAVITZ ESP POST CRYSTAL KINGDOM ARC AND THATS WHY THEYRE DATING NOW OK COOL-

[yanpsychobitch]

Tw for the text below: r@pe, abuse, suicidal thoughts

Everyone is glad to be alive but to confess I would rather be dead. Long life in cycle of loneliness. Long nights full of kisses and compassion. At this point I no longer can tell who I am. At this point I no longer can tell what is good and what is bad. Everything merges into the color of vicious green.

Should I even stay alive? My broken lences are no secret no more. Am I even able to love? No one in this world could bring the accurate answer. Your and their eyes hold the same stare: the unforgiving judgement. Everyone sees beauty in you but the only thing I could see was an endless suffering.

Everyone is glad to be alive but when I declare my death wish the room suddenly goes quiet. Long life in a chain of pain. Long dreams about love and fame. Who will take home the broken man tonight? Who will end the broken man's sence of self and life? The only thing I was sure about that night was the smell of your strong parfume and your lips vicious green.

Your promises, sensations make me go out of my mind. Have mercy on me unforgiving oh so cruel Maria. I knew I saw something strange in the way you moved, you smiled at me. Theres no one left for me in this world except you oh my sweet Maria.

The happiness seems so far away. Way too far away when you entered my life. The way you spoke to me oh I felt so blessed until you grabbed my neck and forcefully stuck it in. You said ,,doesnt it feel just great?" while I didnt feel great at all. Repeating things again and again is just a process to love something eventually.

Can I even describe how I feel now? Will anyone even save me now? The fact I feel still alone lying next to you should speak for itself but I am just too desparate and that blind. All the things man will do for love while he can't even love himself. No one can save me now from descending into darkness, not even the strongest of your gods.

The happiness seems so far away. Way too far away when you kissed me for the first time. They way you spoke to me oh it felt so great until you actually showed me your real face. You said ,,it couldnt have been that bad" while I felt the worst in my entire life. Going on with the conversation I instantly knew I got myself trapped.

All the little things and the bigger things, the heinous and good acts we have done. Where should I run away from you when I know all the roads lead to hell? Youre trying to tell me something but I can't hear a thing and when I talk neither can you. Someone just please kill me already. The only certain thing in my life is your strong grip and the flame in your eyes vicious green.

These feelings of love and pain makes me to go insane. Be patient with me cruel oh so unmercifull Maria. You knew there was something strange about me yet you chose me to torment and laugh at my tears. The only hell and heaven for me is you oh my sadistic Maria.

The happiness seems so far away. Way too far away with the words you say. The way you held me and declared you loved me oh I felt so blessed until you crushed my sence of self. You said ,,you would be much better that way" while I already knew how much big of a failure I am. The only thing  I knew was I will never be enough if I want to become complete and one with the strong and the vicious green.

Everyone isnt so glad to be alive when I propose my wish and laugh straight to their faces. Long life of foolish dreams about love. Long nights of despising your existence. Will there ever be place for me to stay? Will there ever be person capable to love me? The only thing I was sure about was cycle of hate and violence within your embrace and your poisoned words vicious green.

The bruises and traumas are making me feel so loved. Have mercy on me cruel oh so unforgiving Maria. I knew there was something special in your ways, your fears and rules. That makes us the same and deserving of each other oh my vicious green my dear Maria.

If youre reading this sentence I love you cuz you have actually read all of that shit

[talesfromeorzea]

Memories

FFxivWrite 2024 Day 6 Prompt Halcyon

*warning injury and death descriptions below cut*

As the cherry petals drifted down in the warm spring morning Ruru couldn't help but let her mind drift back to when she had been so much younger. It had been another Little Ladies Day when she had been roughly twelve summers.

She had been walking the streets of the Ruby Road exchange when a young Miqo'te kit scarecly seven summers came up to her and bowed low shyly asking, "Miss may I be your Seneshal for today?"

Ruru blinked in surprise and asked, "Why me?"

The little Miqo's face turned bright pink and he squeaked, "Cause…..your really pretty and seem nice and I just wanna be there for a lady today but all the others have seneshals already and…

She gave him a sweet smile and said, "I would welcome the company then my dear Seneshal shall we?" and with that she reached her hand out to him.

He beamed at her then took her hand on his arm and began walking with her during the festivities waiting on any preceved need she might have.

Each year after that he had sought her out and repeated the ritual. It wasn't until many years later she had learned that the Miqo'te's name was U'taln and the reason he was usually alone on Little Ladies Day was because the majority of his sisters and mother had died in a sickness that had swept through the U tribe in the forgotten springs. She had also learned how shy his was and that she was as far as anyone knew his only friend. After learning that she began to spend as much time with him as she could and he slowly grew to be more than a simple friend.

As she walked her mind played through all of those happy times both during the festivals and others. All of the wonder and excitement they had shared when they began as adventurers. The simple times around a campfire or in a tavern discussing where they were off to next. The nights curled together in either their bedrolls or inn rooms. Ruru halted as she walked as her mind unbidden then brought her to the end of those sweet days.

"Theres not that many Ru we have them lets go," he said rushing forward

"Wait Tal, we don't know that for certain….Tal!" she screamed as the first few arrows embeded into his body and then the hidden bandits charged forth intent on ending him.

Then her vision went red as she waded through the group hacking and slashing at everyone who came near. Rivuels of blood streaming down her armor as she slaughtered all of those who were attacking. Once her vision cleared there was a pile of bodies around her and silence that was broken by a gurgling breath. Whirling she dropped her blade and cradled Taln's head in her lap blood staining the corners of his mouth as he wheezed, "Sorry luv….I…thought that we could."

"Hush, I got ye," she said swiftly and began rummaging in her belt pouch searching desperately for a certain soul stone that she didn't use often but knew was there.

"I'm sorry Ru.." he wheezed again and then gave a gurgling cough

Finally her hand closed around it and immediately the aether swirled around her and gone was her sword, shield and armor instead were the red and white robes and a healers cane. The world suddenly around her also seemed to come alive more as her arcane senses heard the elementals all around.

Swiftly she called upon the life giving energies they gave the world and began channeling them into healing magics. But as hers spells hit him she knew, deep down she knew it wasn't enough but she had to try. She couldn't lose him. Tears pouring from her sky blue eyes she burned every bit of mana reserve she had trying to heal him of the wounds each moment knowing it wasn't going to save him. As his gurgling breaths finally stopped she let out a scream of anguish and still poured so much aether into each attempt but it was for naught.

"Ma'dam are you alright? Do you need help?" a kind voice mercifly cut into those painful memories and Ruru shook her head and saw an elderly Hyur looking at her concerned

"Aye, was lost in memories miss pay me no mind. Ye should go and find a Seneshal fer the festivities." she responded doing her best to give a warm smile.

"My dear Seneshal has gone to get us some drinks, what of you ma'dam have you a Seneshal to look after you this fine day?" the elder woman asked

Ruru gave another tight smile and said, "No, not any longer but its alright. I'll be fine please enjoy the festival and don't bother worryin bout me please."

The old woman gave her a reluctant nod and Ruru quickly moved on through the streets toward the Quicksand. She had quite enough of the Festival today. She'd check with Momodi and see if there was any work to be had far from the city if it was possible.

Work will keep me from dreamin bout the past. Its gone, its over no sense in re livin it over and over. she told herself though she knew full well she never wanted to forget those good times for they were what mattered.

[saewokhrisz]

hiii!! 3 things..

1) for your mask expression art where goro's mask is confused, you said you took inspiration from atsv? what is that, if i can ask?

2) in persona 4 arena , theres a shadow suppression unit named labrys and she essentially only wears yasogami's highschool uniform so if you look at labrys and aigis, the idea of shadow suppression unit goro works very well because his school uniform is nice enough that he can hide his princely (& maybe later darker?) outfit and appear more human when theyre in public (excluding ears of course.. those can be passed off as headphones however).. i just thought thatd be something you would find interesting

3) in norse mythology there's the myth of loki killing baldr, so skadi traps him below the earth with chains made of what's holding his 1st child fenrir down as well, and poison from a creature (i cant remember the exact creature unfortunately) but he stays there until the ragnarok (the end of the world) and his wife, sigyn, who puts up with all his mischief and the fact that 4/6 (or 4/5, depending on what iteration you look at) of loki's kids are not sigyn's at all (hel, the horse he gave birth to, fenrir, and jormungandr are the ones not sigyn's.. nardi and vali slash just nardi is sigyn's) . but anyway sigyn holds a bowl and catches the poison so loki doesnt suffer, and every once in awhile the bowl fills with poison so she has to go outside to dump it out, and loki withers in pain because while she is gone the poison drips down his head and it causes earthquakes.. but anyway. this all reminds me of engine room (being trapped & in pain, etc) and its also.. loki. so sigyn as akira and loki as akechi art would be super duper cool.. i encourage you to look into both loki and robinhood's myths because robinhood era-myths also include the mention of mordred, the incestous son of king arthur who kills his way to the top yet his revenge fails (reason unspecified, it can be assumed he was killed himself or robinhood took his revenge for him) and his outfit is suspiciously similar to that of the black mask's, from the horns to the black getup.. mordred is akechi, akira is robinhood, and robinhood's merry band of thieves are the PTs.

ty for listening to my rambling :D no one really mentions mordred and i think him and akechi's symbolism is so important.. also! What You've Already Buried by malevolentmango on ao3 touches on a lot of loki's myths and such if youd like to learn about it that way :D

sorry the face i made seeing how long this ask is AHSJGF took me a min to answer

1)ATSV is Across the the spiderverse ! that movie inspired quite a few things about my art style, that also just happen to work really well with p5s visual motifs since the comic book inspiration and heavy use of colour blocks and halftones, as well as they make the spiderman masks eyes emote, since they have them on for a big portion of the film, and its the cutest thing ever

2) Ive seen Labrys' design! she always reminds me of miku if im completely honest BWAHA but yesss he could possibly hide it very well, also the fact that he always wears gloves could hide his fingers too :D

3) havent touched too much into norse myth besides the surface level knowledge of it that i obtained thru osmosis, mostly from friends who were into it. also i loveeeee binge reading wikis and link hopping (did it with gnosticism -> ended up inspired and made the ophiomorphos piece hehe) but its such a spontanious thing for me, i shall keep it in mind tho :D i did wanna at some point read up on hereward more specifically, since out of his 3 personas him is the one i have not a single clue about but i....forgot...i really dont give a lot of love to hereward sobs

[voidwritesstuff]

Tooth and Claw

Summary: just a small character study of Rajan Savarimuthu.

Cw:mentions of insects,body horror,death,cosmic horror,body image issues,insecurities, sexism and patriarchy.

->Authorn note: have this,the product of my sleep deprived, bored mind on a 8 hour road trip.

There she was again,at the back end of the room, Sister Rahema in all her Beauty...and horror.

Moonlight shines down on sister Rahema,but its not her no. Its a monster,a thing of stories,a thing from fairy tails,bedtime stories and cautionary tales.

Rajan watches his sweet sister,Aatidka writhe in pain as her bones snap contorting in unatural ways.  It takes him but a moment to realize what she- it is.

--mother mercy- enconsced in whi-white-- His voice shakes with fear,hes frozen in place and its a mystery on how the words find their way out of his mouth-- tends the hungry day and night,lo-loving mother to the poor,dare not enter through her door,mind this verse lest you should meet- please mind her smile and mind her teeth! Your name is known to me great maw! Now unbind me from tooth and claw!

Rahema,the great maw,laughs in pain and rejoice. She reaches and digs into his body,infesting it with her wretched, unholy Essence of pestilence,sickness And plague. Even at his young age,he knows its going something he wont ever be able to get rid of.

--You only saved yourself- Fool-- she gasped out,and as a final act of malice she grabs his sweet sister,tearing her part by part infront of him.

Aatidka's pained screams and the maw's horrible ear shattering laughter Pierces through the air,Getting louder and louder.

And louder

And louder

Until his mind shatters Like a broken mirror and He wakes up in a jolt,cold sweat down his forehead,breath uneven and broken. His body feels weak,his mind is in a haze and it takes him a few solid minutes to realize hes in present time,safe.

The first few Rays of sunshine come through the Windows,heavy curtains drawn to bathe the room in darkness. Despite the terror of the nightmare,hes still tired,exhausted. Feelings of revenge,vindication,justice, they all swirl within him in what can only be described as a maelstorm of feelings.

But there was no point in laying back down to sleep,or so he told himself, the day has started so he should too.

Sunlight burns his eyes as he pulls back the courtains, but the New found warmth of the sun is welcomed by his half asleep brain. This reminds him of One question that he didnt want answered, how much of himself was part insect? Bees had been proven to drop to the ground when the lights go out, during the colder months they hibernate, and he not only got sleepy in cold spaces but also fell asleep as soon as the room was in complete darkness.

Rajan didnt know Wether to find it endearing or feel flustered about It.

He would rather not know,he guessed, some things are best left unkown.

Eventually he finds his way to the bathroom,cold water splashes his face and wakes him up. He shaves and does his routine,takes care of his hair and hopes that this shower washes away the remnants of the nightmare hes got.

It almost works,almost.

There,in the mirror he finds himself looking back. And he knows he shouldnt stare for much time but his resolution fails him today.

His eyes trail to part of his chest and side,the paper and hexagonal cells that plague his body. Hes gotten used to the sight,but not to the feelings it brings.

This is divine punishment,he thought some times,for being selfish,for being weak, not brave enough. All it took was one slip of the tongue and his world shattered into pieces,he Hated himself for Many,Many,Many Years after the incident,hes sure some of that self hate never left. Its festering in his bones alongside those damn pests that live within him.

Rajan feels them writhe,move,coil within his body. The sensation is odd,Like something crawling under his skin,the perpetual buzzing of the insects has become back ground noise but theres been a few days where he couldnt stand the sound,the sensation, those days he usually stayed at home and never left his estate.

Its a burden he must bear,one hes learnt to live with for the most part, hes learnt to controll those things that live in him, hes a walking hive, he thanks the world that he hasnt been in a situation where he had to take off his shirt. This was a secret he had to Keep.

"Men dont have insecurities" the world said "they dont feel weakness or fear, they dont show emotions and they are a fixed point"

Poison,those words were Poison fed as holy gospel to men,he has been victim of it hes sure of it. Maybe from his parents on accident,and the world around him too. He cant remember and hes got enough bad memories resurging already,he does not wish to uncover another corpse of his past.

His hand presses against his side, he feels the buzzing,the movement. One deep breath is all he allows himself before leaving the bathroom and letting his hand hang limp near his hip.

Soon he dresses in his usual attire,his fine button up shirt,ironed,alongside his dress pants. The crevat gets tied around his neck,the collar of his shirt goes up and it brushes his jaw.

The final piece is his coat,ornate,elegant,intimidating. The shoulder pads make him look bigger,stronger,the Velvet material its made out of gives him an air of sophistication,class.

His hand reaches for the knob and then stops.

"Right. Gloves" he thinks,turning Back to see where in the hell he had thrown them last night. The details are fuzzy in his mind,he was too tired to even think or care where his stuff ended up.

It takes him a solid five minutes to find them. Socks and Gloves,his mortal enemies,he always managed to misplace them or Straight up lose them.

But he does manage to find the gloves,shoving them in his jacket's pocket and leaving.

Hes got a place to be,The Antiquarian. He allows himself to get lost in that task, to think something else than the nightmare that plagued Him earlier this morning,maybe with some good breakfast,a good cup of tea and a bit of food he would be back to being himself, or rather what he showed to be himself.

[mxtantrights]

we could listen to Fleetwood Mac

steve harrington x black!reader the song used: over and over

Robin was right. Well she was always right about things but this, she was right about this, about you and Steve. Or that there could be a you and Steve if you just mustered up the confidence to let him know your feelings.

That was closer to happening when pigs fly.

Still, Robin was right.

Sitting in the corner of the arcade all by himself was Steve. Headphones wrapped around his head and off in his own world. You see him bop his head back and forth to an upbeat tempo.

Typical Steve.

In a perfect world you would walk up to him and tell him. Just tell him that you like him, have liked him for a while now, and even if your confession leads to nothing you got it off your chest. Honesty and all that.

But this wasn't a perfect world. Along with the fact sometimes Steve tells you things that don't make sense or can't really be explained. Like how he got beat up by Billy Hargrove but won't explain why (other than him being a big pile of steaming testicles). Or why the kids he babysits are always checking up on him, if he has any phantom pains.

Okay this wasn't a perfect world. But you could still tell him.

The bench he's sitting on creaks and takes you out of thought. He's turned to you now, headphone pulled off one of his ears. His arm resting on the top of the wooden plank. And theres that smile that did you in all those months ago.

"You spying on me creep?" he jokes.

You suppress the laugh that threatens to fall out of your mouth. Not because he's wrong. You were being a bit of a creep. Just at the fact that he doesn't notice the other times you stare at him. Seems like Robin is the only one who does notice.

"Just wondering where you scurried to. Keith's on break." you answer.

He nods, then waves you over. You follow. Not too quickly, you can't let him know how bad you got it. But fast enough that it doesn't seem like you're considering rejecting his offer to hang out.

Sitting next to Steve is easy. He cracks jokes, he nudges shoulders sometimes. Without hesitation, every time, he turns his body to you. Making sure you know his focus is on you. He does this with everyone.

He turns to you, "Scurried? What am I a rat?"

"I've never seen you and Mickey Mouse in the same room." you joke this time.

He throws his head back to laugh. It's quick and harmless. Your eyes land on his neck. Not trying to be a total creep you don't let yourself linger on it. You can't. You would be distracted and you would talk yourself out of being honest with him and this cycle would never end.

Steve's arm is now leaning against your back more than the wooden plank. This is definitely not helping with your nerves.

"Actually I wanted to talk to you about something." you say.

"Yeah sure what's up?" he removes his headphones all the way, resting them on his neck.

You nod to yourself. And the nerves that you felt in the doorway seem to double-no triple. It's bad. Bad that you feel like you might be vibrating at another frequency.

All of a sudden you feel his hand on yours. It's warm and soft. Soft but theres some raised skin on his palm. Like he's been through some rough things. Things that don't happen in a perfect world.

"Hey it's just me." he whispers.

You don't know why. It's not like there are others around you. There was no one around to hear the two of you or what you are about to say. But the action is so soft and quiet. And so Steve.

You clear your throat, "Uh-god I really don't know how to say this."

"Just take your time. I'm not goin' anywhere." he says.

His hand is now firmly on your back. Drawing large circles, slowly. If you weren't filled to the brim with nerves you know it would make you feel better.

The faint music from his headphones filled the space. Along with your breathing and the humming of the machines in front of you.

"If you can't stand to look at me after I say this that's okay. I just need to get this off my chest." you start.

He nods along to your words. His hair does the things it usually does. This makes him look even more of the guy of your dreams than anything else has. Floppy brown hair, in a green vest and a short sleeve that fits him so well.

"I'm- I have feelings for you. The kind that make me nervous to talk to you and nervous when you look at me. The kind that won't go away no matter how hard I try to convince myself that we're friends." you explain.

You watch in real time as his eyes go wide as saucers. Which is the moment you convince yourself this was a terrible idea. You should have kept your mouth shut and kept your friend. Being honest wasn't going to get you anywhere. Being honest wasn't going to get you the person you wanted.

He's calling your name. That's what brings you out of your tailspin in your mind.

"Huh?" you ask.

"I uh," he starts and then he smiles, "was really hoping you would say that."

"What?" you ask again.

Steve nods and his smile seems to get wider. You're twisting in anticipation. Why did he want you to say that? Why would he- he's not mean. You've never known Steve to be mean. And he's changed a lot since high school so you know he's not regressing to his King Steve ways. He's better than that.

The hand he has rested over yours intertwines with yours. You feel your heart pumping all over your body. You don't know what to think right now. All you can see is your hand in his.

"I've been trying to come up some elaborate way to ask you out. Robin and Eddie have been on the receiving end of a lot of dumb plans." he says.

You let out a slow chuckle. This makes Steve chuckle as well.

The idea is hard to believe. He wanted to ask you out?

Steve senses your disbelief. He takes back his hand and the action makes you turn in on yourself a bit. Was he about to reject you? Was it a past tense type of thing?

"Hold on, I got something." he adds.

Steve takes the headphones from around his neck and places them over your head. You're lucky you slicked your hair back today or this would have been a mess. You can hear the tape rewinding.

"I basically broke my other copy of this tape because I kept replaying this one song." he says.

"The song is that good?" you ask.

"It reminds me of you." he answers.

Then the tape stops rewinding. You don't have the time to gush about how a song can make him think about you.

He places the headphones over your ears now. His finger presses play on the machine. Then his arm goes back over the wooden plank. The music starts softly. A drum, some kind of dreamy piano. A guitar.

You look around the room waiting for the voice to come in.

Could you ever need me? And would you know how? Yeah Don't waste our time, tell me now

All you have to do Is speak out my name, yeah And I would come running any way

You can't help the smile that forms on your face. Hearing the lyrics and the slow tempo. This is what he wanted you to hear. These were the words that made him think about you.

When you look at him he's already got his eyes on you. And a way too cute smile on his face. You want to reach out and touch him, as if he weren't real. As if this are all some elaborate dream to settle your nerves that were biting away at your insides.

You opt for twirling around the headphone wire. A loop forms around your pointer finger, then another, then another. The song stops then. You reach up with your free hand to push back the headphones.

"What'd you think?" he asks.

And right in front of you is a mirror for all your nerves. Steve's leg is bouncing up and down, moving his hair around a bit. He's bitting down on his bottom lip.

"I really really like the song." you reply.

"I really really like you." he says.

Once again you can't help but smile. Steve grins this time. He presses pause on the machine, then looks back at you. You, who can't believe this is happening.

"You're making me nervous." you whisper this time.

He lightly laughs, "Consider it payback for making me nervous earlier."

You shove his shoulder lightly. But he grabs your hand in both of his before you can fully retract it. His hands encase yours and they are so warm. So warm and good. You don't want him to let go yet.

If you are being honest you don't want him to let go ever. You scoot closer to him. Which he makes even easier by dragging your hand closer as you do.

Now you are sitting close enough to feel him exhale on your cheeks. You want to say something. Anything. But words fail you. And Steve has other plans.

He places your hand over his chest directly. You can feel his heart beating against your palm. It's fast and loud. It tells you everything you need to know.

"Creepy you should get that checked out." you joke.

"Yeah? Right after you're done checking me out." he rattles back.

You both laugh at that. And you are thankful that Robin convinced you today was the day to tell Steve Harrington how you felt. Because you don't know where it's gonna lead but you have a feeling that you'll be keeping Steve around. And vice versa.

part two kinda here

[rsepoesie]

MISOGYNY LAUGHS WITH PATRIARCHY UNTIL FEMINISM ENTERS THE ROOM.

All I ever wanted was culture to have empathy. And all I ever wanted was freedom.

And everyone tells me that I'm out of my mind when I'm on the stage advocating but that's fine because that doesn’t scare me.

It's been a long time but I'm back.

Everybody keeps wondering if I still claim feminism . Are they serious, anybody out there hearing this? I came in the world a peculiar feminist . And I'ma leave like that, when my time comes period. They shame paradox’s , I represent and write for them , judgmental people have entered my mind. And they better get ready they will know I'm from a place where my kind are a little bit different than theirs. Quit snoring feminism isn't dead It's just been in mourning from the moment I quit reposting. Listen I'm warming up and they’re misinformed if they

think that feminism is slipping up, this isn’t serious enough, then I'll skip the introduction feminists have been here nobody heard of them? I'll turn misogyny to a murder scene.

I don't advocate for the world.

I advocate for all the kids in war and those forced in child marriage. I fight for the children and women. I Wrote this with emotion. It's hard to get a break when kids are still being harmed. And it's hard to make a difference when people choose to ignore misogyny, are they insane ? Put me in a debate room with a mic you won’t be able to restrain me. They can say what they want but they can't contain me. Obedient is not a character trait of mine, I don't accept misogynistic traditional norms. This is the current condition of my peculiar mind.

All I ever wanted was elders to comprehend patriarchy. All I ever wanted was cultures to Take my writings , put it on their reading list and get goosebumps every time they read it,

If law wasn’t my calling Father, maybe I would have gave up and went back to the American dream but I am not a quitter so that will never happen.

Ive never been the type to kill but I guarantee everything I write I kill poetry.

Trying to make an impact in my continent, is that insane?I am in a place where I can't ever rest until laws to protect women and children are enforced severely.

And you know what's stupid?

I thought all people ever had to do was see how misogyny affected little girls and they would join the movement to end it. But that wasn’t the case because most of the times culture traditions lack empathy.

I guarantee theres no way that I’ll ever give up on feminism . I need child marriage banned I swear to y'all I need this to happen. And feminism is in my veins if they cut me I'm going to bleed it.

And what they think I write poetry for no reason ? no I take the pain of the women before me and I put them in my writings . Ever since patriarchy touched my sister I've been a different woman , don't ever try to predict my writings. Anything I write and

what they read now is me whether I'm in front or behind the page.

I stand beside empathy and humanity I'm a Catholic but my philosophy in life is humanity above religion always.

Don't tell me to calm down when rapists are still roaming free. it might take a minute for our elders to reject patriarchy but one day they will break the cycle and everything about feminism will be crystal clear.

I don't think they see my vision yet I don't think they see my vision here. But this is all that I have.

[nex-kyit]

This post is entirely me rambling about The Knight from Will Wight. Spoilers below.

I REALLY LIKED IT. Up until the last 10%, I would've said it was my favorite book Will has written, but the last 10% is just too fast paced for me. Honestly I feel like the D'niss threat could've been streched into another book, and just have this book deal with Esh'kinaar summoning, or at least have the entire last fight to be with Esh'kinaar, and not this Esh'kinaar 2.0. This is the only thing I didn't enjoy about the book. For now, I will say this is my current favorite Will Wight book, but thats rlly because I haven't reread Cradle in a while and I can't remember which book was my favorite.

Raion. Raion in this book i rlly rlly love him. Theres so much I want to say about him that I probably am going to forget to say stuff in this post. I could write essays about him and I already have many fanfic ideas

The scene where he is being tricked by the senators was so painful to read. How uncertain Raion was if what he was saying were the right words or not, knowing *something* was up, but not being able to read the room well enough to know what hit way too close to home. Honestly Im struggling to come up with the right words to describe the masterpiece the was chapter 24 to 31. It will stay in my mind forever. And then the D'niss come and the Perfected and Raion just blames himself?? Raion wants to take responsibility for everything and going after Esh'kinaar even though he knows for a fact that he died doing the same thing before??? The way he even had words planned and they were the SAME ones as before my heart-

Anyway I need to stop thinking about that scene or else I will never finish this post. Some more scattered thoughts

Varic was definitely the rich kid who thought he was special and talented enough to make it into the arena, only to be brutally humbled. "I had visions of myself following in her footsteps and setting records in an arena." -> immediately gets demolished by Kyri. Ahaha it didn't last long I hope we get to see more rich kid Varic in the future.

Speaking of Kyri, I really liked her character. She only appeared in a few chapters, but her arc was so interesting to read. I really like characters like her, where they just feel so real despite having so little screen time. Also, Kyri x Doctor Cryce.

Also, a small detail I noticed: In the Captain, Varic said he was a prize fighter on Visiria, but he clearly wasn't. It could be that he was actually a better fighter, but just did poorly against Kyri, but I feel like it would've been pointed out that he does win fights. I wonder if he returned to the arena after leaving the Titan Knights, assuming the D'niss haven't reached Visiria at that point yet.

I love how theatrical Varic can be. He 100% gets this from his Spellbinder life. "That was a cue if I ever heard one" -> attacks a child. Hey thats the second Will Wight protagonist to beat up a child!

"It wasn't uncommon for me to wake in the middle of the night" Ah so Varic's sleeping problems have resumed. This works well for some fanfic ideas I have...

I love how Horizon keeps dressing Varic up as his alt. lives. I am so looking forward for Varic in a suit or whatever he wore in the MoS life.

Horizon this book was just great. She was so pathetic it was hilarious.

OH and Benri being sus. I think the reason why he gave up the Zenith Cannon so easily is because of how the Vallenar Corporation is benefiting from the aftermath of the Starhammer's downfall. Benri was inspired by the Iron King, so he's trying to expand his influence. Its simple, if the crew has the Zenith Cannon, which the Vallenar Corporation can't use anyway, theres a larger chance that they cause some destruction, and the Vallenar Corporation can just pick up whatever was displaced. No more Advocates? More power in the Free Worlds. Going after the Galactic Union? Time to get ready to pick up some new planets.

[evansbby]

wg 4. Was absolutely beautiful. So many things happened at once. My heart was filled with warmth and agony. I cried for steve and i felt readers guilt and pain. I see how both genuinely loved reader and its really difficult to pick who should reader end up with. But anyways i dont care what anyone will say bur team steve till the day i die (open for debate)

both ari and steve have both pros and cons.

I could see steve really atoned for what hes done. His psychological pain, struggles and especially his parents around was clearly evident to why hes become that way. Yes, it was no excuse for forcing himself on reader but Ari is not any better. To me, steve did not care if reader picked him but he did care if she picked ari because hes aware of what ari is capable of. Steve in that moment did not saw reader as a possession, all he wanted from reader was her forgiveness and he could finally be in peace. Comfortably numb. AJDHJS i know i sound biased cause im team steve but like its probably because of i got alota say for ari. If reader chooses Steve its either gonna go well or not. It will go well, if steve learns to cope properly and control his anger during pressure and argument (which happens alot if youre a couple) so if he starts punching walls when both of them are in a disagreement thats gonna be traumatic for reader. So if hes really sorry he should seek therapy, and solely rely on alcohol and pills to keep him calm. The thought of reader should be his inspiration and motivation to be calm (if ever the end up PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPELASDE I CANT HANDLE THIS AT ALL, IT SHOULD BE HIM OR NON OF THEM.) because the fact he warned reader about ari, it is like hes doing that for her own good not for her to run toward steve instead. Do i make sense? Both of them said sorry but the way they said sorry and the intentions behind that sorry is different. Im yapping alot but i hope this makes sense. Like i hope my yappin is not spiraling everywhereJDGJSH. Also later at the end, my heart broke for steve. The way he had the courage to attempt that as if he got no one in this world for him to stay here is so sad. Hes kicked out of the team, his sister is a mess and hes left to pick up the pieces while hes got a problem of his own too. His sisters pain doubles the weight he carries on his shoulders with his own pain, his parents are too busy which leaves the two of them neglected, and now reader who he scared away. The only warmth in his dark and cold world. I just pity him so much, and i could see that he really regrets it so much that its eating him alive. Its like he felt so shitty that he thinks he has no right to even stay in this world.

for ari;

i think hes way too fast. I know you guys fell immediately after he took her to the woods. Admittedly, it is beautifully peaceful. Like theres no one other but them, that no one could ruin the bond they have. I could feel he genuinely loves reader, and he was really sorry, but that is not enough. He cant run away from the people hes hurt in the past and leave them behind while he lives the dream and future he created for reader. If he wants to live his happily ever after with reader, he has to make amends to those he have hurt. Kira, sharon, and the hundreds of girls hes played with before he met reader. This future he promised is too good to be true. Thats what he always does, promising things he cant keep. He promised that he’ll break up with sharon and how long did that take? It took for reader to lose it and break down for him to finally do. And there he goes again, he promises his success and the family they’ll make together but is it really that simple? Its so subtle, hes seeing reader as something to claim and control, like the part he said reader cant be a model. When he barged in to her room with sandwiches it was like nothing happened. When he said he did not care about sharon more than he does with reader, it just means he did not care the damaged hes cost others but he only cared about the damaged hes cost reader. Reader has been through alot and so does the people hes hurt like sharon. So before he promises the world to reader, start anew, he must address the broken glasses he left behind. Sharon and the other girl’s broken heart, and the mental damage he caused kira. The way ari said sorry, it seems like he expected for everything to fall right back into place after he did. “I told you i said sorry” just sorry? Yes he tried to win back reader with the picnic and his compliments but in order to do that he must ACTUALLY change for the better, not just for reader. He needs to explain himself to sharon, to kira. And reader must also explain herself properly to sharon without getting herself interrupted. Yes it is not an excuse but it is a REASON, for them to see a different perspective on to why it happened. Ari has built a perfect future for him and reader, without addressing the futures he ruined for others first

OH WOW BESTIE OMFG!

OKAY FIRST OF ALL, let me just say how much i appreciate this wonderful analysis you've just sent me. like seriously, it was a joy to read. to have someone be so passionate about the characters i've invented is such a surreal feeling. bc I AM ALSO this passionate about them! they are my babies fr! my fucked up babies bahahah

so with your steve analysis, firstly, this part of what you said really resonated with me: "To me, steve did not care if reader picked him but he did care if she picked ari" part of this is so true bestie, because steve REALLY REALLY did not want her to pick ari. like this man is ari's number one hater. if ari has no haters, that means steve is dead. LMFAOO. but anyways, i do disagree with the first part though bc steve definitely cared if reader picked him. because steve was RELYING on reader picking him, in his head, if she didn't pick him, if she didn't even forgive him... then he had nothing left to live for :(( one of my aims this chapter was to show a different side to steve, and show a little bit of why he is the way he is. and i think a lot of people feel sorry for him now and are rooting for him - which was my goal! bc i want the steve fanbase and ari fanbase to be equal, which i think it is now hahahah.

ALSO LMAOOO you do not like ari, do you?? Okay but when you said this part: "He cant run away from the people hes hurt in the past and leave them behind while he lives the dream and future he created for reader." YESSS YOU REALLY ATE WITH THAT! bc has ari truly changed into a better person... or is he a better person but ONLY WITH READER. bc there's a huge difference! BUT ALSOOO lemme defend Ari a little bit here... sure he barged into her room with the cheese sandwiches but steve also jumped in through reader's window and waited outside her dorm room... so like... they're BOTH giving stalker vibes i can't lie! And also, yeah Ari was acting kinda cocky but i believe his apologies were genuine. being cocky is just part of his personality hehe, he can't lose that even if he develops into a better person.

ALTHOUGH NGL GIRLIE YOU READ ARI TO FILTH ADALSGNSKL "he's always promising a future he can't keep" GIRLLLLL wg!Ari should be scared of you FR kalngalndkngf

BUT THANK YOU for this amazing incredible analysis ily ily ily

[dballzposting]

See when Goku died the second time it was such a morose and sensitive time and Chichi was due for another baby and there was just no room for negativity any more. It was sad and quiet and sweet and bittersweet and careful. She had a new beautiful baby boy and Gohan had a new baby brother.

It was a time of gentle healing. There was relief in the peace.

Because of that I'm very interested in the time when suddenly Goten was old enough that Chichi saw it fit to start beating him. It's been years and the tone of the house has been studious and sensitive, and the new baby has been such a blessing that no one has ever gotten THAT mad about anything lately. Chichi has not used the iron skillet on Gohan in this time, though there were a few times where Gohan felt it would be threatened - but mostly, he felt that he was old enough that that wasnt gonna happen anymore. He felt some sense of satisfaction at his own strength, and that the peace was earned. This house is an emotionally sensitive and intelligent one now.

But chichi is maligned and it's going to come out somehow. When Goten gets to be about 6, Chichi stops being comforted by his babyness and her patience starts to wear thin with him. It starts being ok to slap him, for some reason.

And I just imagine the SICK HORROR that Gohan would feel, in his bedroom, doing his schoolwork like a good boy, when he can hear his mother's tone go sharp in the other room, and then the unmistakable CRACK of a slap to the face. It's defintiely not her strongest, but it stings on babyfat.

The way Gohan's heart would SINK ... he would feel so sick immediately.. It's as if that behavior never left their house, and he's responding in an uncapped adverse way as if he's still young hinself - but unlike when he was young, he's lost the defensive emotional wall regarding it that would have spared him the embarrassment of tears. His defenses have disintegrated with disuse and the panic and pain and sickened SADNESS of hearing that from the other room is suddenly intolerable.

He would act but he knows that theres nothing he could say to get through to Chichi .. and he knows that he cant talk back to his mother. He has too much empathy for her at this present time, so while he DOES hurry out into the room and take Goten into his protective arms and beg their mom to not do that, to beseech how COULD she do that?, to remind her of their saddened circumstances, and to ultimately startle her by the way he's trembling and his voice in a pre-tears wounded cadence, he does not blame her like he should. He knows shes stressed.

Not much can really be done about Chichi so Gohan just tries to keep Goten close, and to specifically encourage him to leave the room with him whenever Gohan starts to sense that Chichi is operating on one nerve only. But who knows what is free to transpire when Gohan isnt around.

Chichi does try to train Goten a little bit, and gives up immediately + dissolves to tears when he goes super saiyan. I dont imagine this rejection by his mother felt good to Goten. And he does learn to fight over at Capsule Corp, but it's a completely different environment and circumstance than when Chichi cracks the wooden spoon over his head.

There is one time where Goten, as he learns about the world, wonders why there is a difference. And there's a day where he catches the spoon before it makes it to his head. As he and Chichi stare at the spoon, frozen in its trajectory, Goten doesnt know exactly what this means yet. He feels a bit shy at the defiance, and a lot of pride at having defended his organism - but then his mother mobilizes in a response of pure shock, fear, and pain. She starts to cry and it's clear she feels betrayed. It's clear he's in trouble. And Goten then is overwhelmed with the new knowledge that - oh, oh no, I'm not suppsoed to do that, I'm not suppsoed to dishonor my mother by getting in her way and going against her will, look at how upset I've made her, look at how much she doesnt love me right now! I've committed a grave defilement of our honor! I've lost her love!

So naturally he never does that again.

I've written about this before but it was only briefly + in the middle of a 6600 word post about GT Trunks, so I'll summarize to the best of my memory: Goten, as his mother's baby boy and saving grace, as her only source of happiness and salvation, as her only source of purity, and as a male who is always told how much he looks like his father (by whom she has taken pain from), feels personally responsible for his mother's emotionally state and feels BEYOND ABYSMAL whenever he feels that he has besmirched her. This is a response to a wound of early childhood and is a moodstate that is out of context in our present time, but is just as persuasive. He feels inconsolably depressed at these times because it's the feeling a baby would have when it got the sense that its mother didnt love it.

He's a happy guy otherwise and he'll go through life being so true to hinself UNTIL he's suddenly down. He's a martial artist + so in-tuned with hinself and his authenticity and his organism's natural healing resources so the effect isnt as PERVASIVE or ENDURING as it could be, but still detrimental.

He'll walk around on GT being a slag and playfully going against his mother's wishes for the priority of authenticity, but if his mother actuslly shed tears or expressed real distress that he's not making any real commitments or efforts toward marriage, then he would get down on his knees on the floor next to her chair and gently grip the arm that Chichi is using to cover her tears and he would promise her, promise her, promise her that he'll do better. As an old wound, he CAN NOT and WILL NOT end up like the father that everyone says he looks like, whose absence he has seen cause his mother irreparable misery and stress over the years. He'll be a good son and a better husband than his father ever was. He looks up a lot to Goku of course but in these moments, it's just between him and his mother, and he just wants to soothe her as he was able to do when he was a sweet baby boy and earn her love. He'll give her a good daughter-in-law and grandkids like she wants.

Goten is a wild man and he loves being himself BUT at times like this he takes a MASSIVE HIT regarding his percieved loss of purity. He knows love and pleasure and sincerity and beauty when he sees it, but at these times and in this moodstate, he feels like he deserves to die for all the pretty women's hands he has held and not honored through marriage. When in his frat years Kinto-Un temporarily rejected him on account of his shitting in one too many urinals, that triggered one of those episodes and he was AWOL for a short while.

Obviously this is clearly fucked. Chichi has made her baby boy responsible for her emotions, becasue she evidently cant moderate/regulate them on her own, when in parenting it's suppsoed to be the other way around. Though I know she loves and is loyal to her family so deeply, she has conducted herself in a manner that has colored her love as conditional and equaling to her satisfaction in her child. She is reactive and explosive and temperamental. She is emotionally immature. Why. I feel like she had a fine dad so why is she like this

Gohan knows this about her and he just sort of .. moves out about it. He takes refuge in his work. He starts his own family. He lets Goten visit as much as he wants. Gohan of course loves his mother and feels responsible for her in the way that one with a sensitive and elderly mother would, and he really does want her to be happy, but he also shuts down a lot of her behaviors and a lot of his responses to her emotions for the sake of his own wellbeing. But he also avoids the topic of her insanity and will not read any books that could explain her behavior or help him to heal, he just hyperfocuses on bugs and disassociates from himself to get by. Whatever

The only one who could ever tame ms Chichi BTW was Piccolo becasue he brought her much-needed peace and security.

Ms Chichi everyone