#AND THERES NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THIS WORLD FOR MY PAIN!!!!!

[nebulastarss]

I'm still so unironically upset about the minecraft movie

[1117-yungi]

SONG BIRD. jung wooyoung x fem!reader [4.8k]

in the infamous lounge, a singer performs for the one man who always breaks her heart — the untouchable owner. their reunions crackles with passion and pain. in his world of glittering façades, love is never enough, and you're left singing to ghosts of what could have been.

genre. rich!wooyoung, club owner!wooyoung, singer!reader, smut, angsty, toxic situationship, he is kinda insufferable but its hot, little porn with a lot of plot

warnings. toxic woo, swearing, manipulation, gaslighting, smut, pull-out method (don't do this guys), choking, switch!wooyoung, switch!reader, oral: m receiving, fingering, orgasm denial, pet names: songbird, angel, darling, baby, and bunny, hair pulling, praise and degradation, bittersweet ending, they're not good for each other guys!!!, size kink if u squint, implied dub-con tbh, power play dynamics, let me know if theres anymore!

note. hide the scissors from wooyoung rn

the dim haze of the lounge cast long shadows on the plush, velvet booths and the lacquered piano. smoke curled lazily in the air, mingling with the faint clink of glasses and the low hum of idle chatter. you stood beneath the spotlight, a figure draped in silver, your dress catching the low light like a thousand tiny stars. your voice pouring over the room like honey over jagged glass. the microphone in your hand felt heavy, but nothing was heavier than the weight in your chest as you sang.

each word slipped from your lips, the kind of voice that made people stop in their tracks, made them feel things they'd been too afraid to feel. your voice was sweet, but raspy in the best way possible — the crowd watched with newfound fascination, the other acts providing background music for the illegal activities. but you, you were the main act. though tonight, your eyes weren’t scanning the crowd. you weren't looking for applause. you were looking for him.

and there he sat in the corner, a million-dollar smile on his face, surrounded by men in sharp suits and women with sharp laughs and seductive stares. his watch gleamed under the dim light, a beacon of everything he was — untouchable, unattainable, a mirage with no end. but when your voice reached him, his head turned ever so slightly, like the string you had tied between them had just been tugged. his eyes had found yours.

you didn't falter, didn't let your emotions bleed into the lyrics. not yet.

you'd met him before, on nights much like this one, when the world seemed coated in gold and the air hummed with possibility. he was the kind of man you never really forgot; the man who walked into a room and owned it without hesitation. a man made of money, of charm, of tragedy.

tonight, though, there was something different in his gaze. as you sang the final note, he rose, leaving behind the world that adored him, the entourage, the whispers. he walked backstage towards where you were.

"you always knew how to break my heart," wooyoung murmured, his voice like bourbon, smooth but burning. it made you freeze in your tracks, turning your head towards the voice.

"and you always knew how to make me let you," you replied, your lips curving into a bittersweet, forced smile.

it was always the same between them. he was a million-dollar man, but his worth was his undoing. you were the girl who saw through it all and loved him anyway, knowing he could never stay.

"play me a song, darling," he said, his voice low, as if he knew this moment might be their last.

you didn’t ask why. you never did.

fingers trembling as the two of you sat down on the bench of the piano you had practiced at for ages. with a deep sigh, you played the melody that lived in your heart, the one you'd written for him long ago. the room around them disappeared, the crowd, the smoke, the lights. it was just them, a girl in silver and a man who carried the weight of the world in his eyes. even backstage, away from the crowd, it felt suffocating.

when the final note faded, he pressed his lips together in a firm, his tongue playing with the ring in his lip. he let his fingers ghost over the keys, not playing, just feeling. "you deserve better than this," he murmured, his gaze distant, his hands now stilling against one of the keys, his pinky grazing yours. "you deserve more than me, angel."

"and yet, here you are." you replied.

he laughed softly, the sound bittersweet yet intoxicating. "yeah. here i am."

for a moment, the world shrank to just the two of you, a singer and a man who could never be yours. he leaned in, his lips brushing your forehead, his warmth lingering even as he pulled away.

"you deserve better," wooyoung said again, softer this time. then, just like always, he was gone.

you stayed at the piano, staring at the spot where he'd sat, your heart aching but your resolve steady. your eyes moved up to the piano, staring at the empty glass he left behind. you hadn't even realized that he brought it with him. a tear slipped down your cheek, but you wiped it away, knowing you'd sing the song again tomorrow night.

for the million-dollar man who never really belonged to you, but who’d stolen your soul all the same.

the lounge felt heavier tonight, like the air itself was steeped in tension. the usual haze of smoke clung tighter, the shadows darker, the applause quieter. they all felt like ghosts, lingering echoes of the night before. and you, you were here again, draped in the same silver as always. you noticed your fingers trembling as you adjusted the microphone stand, your heart heavy with a burden only he could bring. you didn't bother scanning the crowd this time — you already knew he was here.

he always was, especially when you swore you wouldn't let him get to you again.

you hadn't seen him since last night, but you could still taste the remnants of his touch on your skin, still hear the soft murmur of his voice, still feel the weight of his words pressing on your chest. you deserve better than this. you deserve more than me, angel.

it was the same old routine. the promises of distance, the whisper of something more, followed by his sudden disappearance. but this time, there was something different in the air — a thick tension that gnawed at your insides, something you couldn't shake.

when the crowd settled into their usual spot, half-distracted by their own secrets, the music began. you took the stage like clockwork, the spotlight cutting through the gloom. the microphone felt colder tonight, like it was in on the game. as you sang, your voice wavered, only for a moment, when you caught his silhouette at the corner table.

but he wasn't alone this time.

she was draped across his arm, some attractive woman with a laugh like crystal shards, glittering and sharp. she leaned into him, whispering something that made him smirk — that signature smirk as he played with his lip ring. but those fox like eyes? oh, they were on you. they always were.

the song ended, and the crowd clapped, but you barely heard it. he was already standing, already moving toward you as his hands clapped for you; it seemed taunting. the woman that had previously accompanied at his table barely seemed to notice when he had left.

"you're something else tonight, angel," he murmured when he reached you, his voice low and familiar. the way he said angel made your stomach twist, equal parts longing and fury.

"don't start," you said, stepping down from the stage. you tried to walk past him, but his hand caught your wrist, firm but careful, like he knew exactly how far he could push.

"start what?" his lips curved into a crooked grin, but his grip didn't loosen. his gaze flicked to the other patrons around him, then back to you, something unreadable behind that cool, confident exterior. "just giving you a compliment. you look beautiful, as always."

you glared at him, yanking your arm free. "you should be telling her that."

his grin faltered for half a second, but it was enough to make you feel the smallest spark of satisfaction. still, he recovered quickly, his tone dropping into something softer, almost apologetic. almost.

"don’t tell me you're jealous."

you laughed bitterly, stepping back, needing space. "of her? no. of whatever hold you have on me? yeah, maybe."

wooyoung's expression shifted, the smirk giving way to something darker, sharper. he stepped closer, his voice low enough that only you could hear. "you're the one who keeps singing for me. what does that say, angel?"

you stiffened, trying to keep your gaze steady, but something inside you recoiled. that voice. that look. the way he made everything feel like it was slipping through your fingers, made you doubt your own choices. you wanted to hit him, to scream, to walk out and never come back. but the worst part? he wasn't wrong.

"you don’t own me," you said, your voice trembling, not with fear, but with anger — at him, at yourself, at everything.

he tilted his head, his smile softening, dangerous. "don't i?"

"i told you," he continued, his lips curling slightly as he drew away, taking a slow, deliberate sip from his glass. "i'm not here for anything long-term. you're not the kind of girl who gets a happy ending, not with me. but i do like the way you play along."

"play along?" you repeated, voice thick with disbelief. "is that what you think this is?"

his gaze darkened, though his smile never wavered. "you're a smart girl. you know exactly what this is. you always have." his eyes softened for a moment, almost like a mask slipping. like even he didn't believe the facade. "but don't get too attached. i'm not the one you should be putting your heart into."

a sharp, bitter laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it. you crossed your arms over your chest, feeling exposed, vulnerable in front of him. "i know who you are," you said, voice steady but laced with a cold edge. "i'm not an idiot."

"good," wooyoung said, still leaning in, but this time there was something colder in his touch when his fingers brushed yours. his eyes held that cruel, knowing gleam. "but don't act like you don't want to be a little bit more than this."

you didn't say anything. you couldn’t. because, despite everything you told yourself, part of you did want more. you were tired of the games, the lies, the promises that never meant anything. but another part of you… the part that still clung to that impossible hope, the part that still wanted him to be something better than what he showed the world… that part wouldn't let you walk away.

and he knew it.

you watched him turn on his heel, his expensive shoes clicking against the polished floor as he started to walk away. you felt the pull, the magnetism of him drawing you in even as you knew you should turn and leave.

but then, just before he disappeared into the crowd, he glanced back over his shoulder with that same smirk, the one that never quite reached his eyes. "i'’m not done with you yet, songbird," he called out, his voice dripping with that familiar, dangerous promise.

the next few hours dragged on like a blur of muted lights and endless faces. the lounge seemed to buzz louder, more insistent, as if the world were trying to drown out the weight of the space between you and him. but you couldn't escape it. not when you could still feel the pressure of his fingers on your skin, the weight of his words on your chest.

when you finally left the stage, the air around you felt too thin, too oppressive. you hadn't seen him leave, but you knew he was gone. you always knew. he didn't need to announce his exit. it was his absence that left you hollow.

you went to the dressing room to get out of your stage outfit and into your normal clothes. it was routine and becoming old, but you hadn't made an effort to leave. you pushed through the crowd of people, smiling at their empty compliments before freezing as you tried to excuse yourself by pushing past a patron.

but wooyoung was standing there, looking as if he'd never left. his dark eyes locked onto yours instantly, the room falling away as if it were just the two of you, frozen in time. the crowd moved around you, oblivious, but you couldn't stop looking at him. couldn't stop feeling the electric pull between you.

"you always do this," you murmured, half to yourself, though your words carried across the silence.

"do what?" he asked, his voice cool but laced with something dangerous. the smirk was back, that crooked grin that never seemed to falter, like he enjoyed the power he had over you. like he knew the exact moment to strike.

"you know what i mean," you said, trying to steady yourself. but your heart was racing, your pulse quickening as he stepped closer, narrowing the gap between you.

he reached out, fingertips brushing against the back of your hand — light, gentle, but the touch sent a shiver through you.

the heat between you, the tension that had built up all night, was palpable. it was always like this, when he came close. the air turned thick, suffocating, and you couldn't tell if you wanted to push him away or pull him closer. but you didn't have to decide. not yet.

he didn't wait for an invitation. without breaking eye contact, he reached out, a single finger brushing your arm — just enough to send a wave of electricity surging through your skin.

"come with me," he said simply. "i don't like waiting."

his eyes scanned your face, his gaze sharp, like he could see past every defense, every wall you'd tried to build around your heart. for a moment, he said nothing, just watching you. watching the battle in your eyes.

there was no hesitation. you knew what it meant when he said that. he wasn't asking. he was demanding — as always. you had learned long ago that when he made these kinds of demands, you couldn't say no, not really. but he always gave you an opportunity to for it.

"your friends won't like that," you said, a small attempt at playing it cool, but the words felt weak as they left your mouth. you knew it was pointless.

he raised an eyebrow. "the only person i'm interested in right now is you."

he didn't wait for you to respond. instead, he turned, almost arrogantly, like he owned the space around him, and without a word, you followed him. his presence was commanding, and you could feel the weight of it behind you. you kept your distance at first, though every step you took felt like it pulled you deeper into his orbit.

you clenched your fists, trying to fight the tremor in your hands, trying to ignore how badly your body was betraying you as you trailed behind him. you wanted to say something sharp, something cold, something that would break the connection between you. but he was already too close. his presence was too much, suffocating in the best way. and you followed him without question. god, you were weak.

"i'm not playing your games anymore, wooyoung," you said, your mouth moving faster than your thoughts could comprehend your voice wavered, and you cursed yourself for it.

he stopped in his tracks, about to reach the exit of the lounge. his lips quirked up at the corner, an almost fond smile creeping into his expression as if your defiance only made him more interested. "you say that, but you know you like it. you like the chase. the danger."

the words hit harder than they should have. you looked away, your chest tightening as he stepped even closer, until there was nowhere for you to go.

"then let me end it," he said, his voice quieter, and this time, there was no smirk, no cruel amusement. only an intensity that left your breath caught in your throat. "come with me." wooyoung looked like he would have gotten on his knees for you right then, pleading for you.

you opened your mouth to protest, to tell him to leave you alone for good, but the words wouldn’t come. so instead, you found yourself nodding, against your better judgment, against the part of you that knew this would only make things worse.

the crowd was still swirling around you, but it felt like you were in a different world. the moment he stepped closer, his hand grazing your arm as he guided you toward the exit, everything else faded. you were lost in him again.

no turning back.

the drive to his apartment was short but felt like hours. the silence between you was thick, suffocating, each passing second dragging you deeper into the inevitable. he hum of the engine only adding to the tension. you sat next to him, your hands gripping your bag tighter than necessary, the familiar burn in your chest threatening to crack you open. he didn't speak, didn’t ask you any questions. he just drove, as if this moment was already scripted. you were a part of the plan, whether you wanted to be or not. you couldn't stop your mind from racing, from thinking of everything you’d tried to ignore — the past you’d buried, the future you were too afraid to face.

when you reached the building, he didn't wait for you to say anything. his hand was on the small of your back, guiding you up the elevator without a word.

inside, his apartment was exactly what you remembered: sterile, cold, all glass and steel, but still holding that dangerous allure. the kind of space that made you feel insignificant, like a blip in a world too big for you to understand. the moment the door closed behind you, the outside world seemed to vanish. all that remained was the quiet atmosphere of his space and the man standing in front of you, looking at you as if you were the only thing that mattered, and the only thing he could destroy.

there was no pretense this time. no smiles. just that intensity that always left you breathless. he stepped toward you slowly, his gaze never leaving yours, until you were backed against the edge of the sleek, black sofa.

his hands reached for you, but this time, there was no game in his touch. it wasn't the same as it had been before, when he made you feel like a toy he could play with and discard. this was different. this was raw.

"you keep pretending you don't want this," he murmured, his fingers tracing the curve of your jaw, his thumb lightly brushing your lips. "but you do."

you wanted to argue, wanted to push him away, but your body betrayed you again. the warmth of his touch, the deep pull of his presence, was too much to fight. you wanted to say no. you wanted to walk away.

but you didn't.

his lips were on yours before you could say anything else. a kiss that was all heat and demand, a kiss that made you forget everything but him. his hands slid down to your waist, pulling you closer as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

and maybe, just maybe, you couldn’t get enough of him either.

you should have known better. you should have walked away when you had the chance. but instead, you stayed. you always did. his touch overwhelmed you completely, you couldn't bring yourself to fight it. because deep down, you knew you were already lost.

you grasp onto his expensive shirt, pulling him even closer until the two of you fall down onto his lavish couch. his lip ring felt cool against your soft lips, making your mind become foggy with pleasure. he chuckled into your mouth, as if he could tell you enjoyed his piercing. he adjusted the position, resting between your legs. your legs naturally wrap around his hips, making him rut into your clothed core. you gasped at the feeling, whining against his lips.

wooyoung pulled away from your lips, much to your dismay, before he started to kiss along your neck, biting down and sucking on the flesh to create a dark mark. you mewled at the feeling, your back arching off the couch as you grabbed onto him with a newfound aggression. he whimpered from how tight your hold was on his long hair, providing him with pain mixed with pleasure.

at this revelation, you tugged his head back by hair and returned the favor. you decorated his neck with dark marks, sucking harshly on his sweet spot, which was easy enough to find. his slutty hips rubbed against your core desperately, clearly enjoying the feeling as he moaned shamelessly while you felt his cock hardening.

he tried to take control of the situation again, but you didn't let him. you flipped the both of you around, now straddling him before ripping his shirt off by the buttons. he frowned, letting out a whine, "that was expensive, baby."

"you can afford it." you whispered with a grin on your face before taking one of his nipples into your mouth. he gasped at the sensitivity as your tongue swirled around his perky, hard nipple. wooyoung had never experienced anything like this, always being the dominant. and he certainly didn't expect you to be like this. what else are you hiding from him? after a few more moments of teasing him, you crawled down to where he needed you the most.

you tugged down his pants, leaving them pooling at his ankles. oh, he was big. somehow you knew that. you gave his tip a swift kitty lick, his body visibly shaking. his eyes stayed on yours as you shoot him an innocent bat of your eyelashes. "fuckin' brat," he whispered, reaching down to your hair while he whimpered while your tongue swirled around his tip, gathering the pre-cum that leaked out.

he brushed a few stray hairs away from your face as your mouth worked him up and down in perfect rhythm, bobbing up and down. one of your hands kneaded his thighs while the other played with his balls. wooyoung let out a desperate moan at the sudden touch, he hadn't even noticed how sensitive he really was. all for your touch. you were both drunk on each other — without any alcohol in your systems. besides his very few sips of whiskey.

your jaw was hurting, pleasurably stretched by his cock, but the sensation of his tip hitting the back of your throat was too addictive to care about the pain. you hollowed your cheeks, trying to fit every vein that popped out as wooyoung breathed heavily, holding back with all his might not to mouth-fuck you. he felt dumb from the pleasure, growing more and more needy and desperate.

"you're gonna make me cum if you keep doing this, angel," wooyoung laughed with a whine as your tongue glided against the underside of his length, sending goosebumps all over his body. unable to hold back any longer, he harshly yanked you down, forcing his entire length into your mouth, his tip deliciously hitting the back of your throat, making you gag.

you moaned at the sudden rough treatment as he rolled his hips into your mouth. despite the intensity, your tongue continued to lick and satisfy him, while he used your mouth like his personal toy, sending vibrations through your entire being.

you could feel him twitch inside you — he was almost there, ready to release. your hands pulled and kneaded his balls, giving them one cheeky little squeeze, pushing against them before pulling off of him, denying his orgasm.

wooyoung whined at the loss of your touch, pouting before raising up. he grabbed your throat and pulled you against his lips with an unmistakable hunger and desperation. he stripped off your clothes while kicking off his pants that you left. he picked you up with ease, carrying you into his room and onto the bed.

and then you ended up on his lap, with his long fingers stuffed deep inside you, curling and making a mess of you. you couldn't even remember how you had gotten into this position, too drunk and intoxicated on the feeling of his fingers hitting all the right spots. you rolled your hips eagerly, making him grin as he watched you with a smile on his face, clearly getting off on how he was making you feel.

"you're such an eager bunny, baby," he murmured over the pretty moans ringing in his ears as you leaned back against his chest, head resting on his shoulder, while he whispered the filthiest things in your ear. his hot breath tickled your skin. god, he was like a drug. "humping my fingers like you're in heat."

his thumb was rubbing your clit, making your toes curl. his words made you embarassed and your face hot, but you didn't dare correct him. "no matter where you go, you always come back to me. won't you, pretty girl?" he teased, your moans answering him.

he slid another finger inside you easily, stretching you even more. your eyes widened from the sensation; it was a mix of pleasure and pain that made tears brim in your eyes. a whimper left your throat, going straight to wooyoung's hard cock that rested against your thigh.

your tiny hand went straight to his cock, trying to stimulate him as his fingers worked your dripping cunt, moving in and out, curling, hitting all the right spots. he groaned quietly before kissing you, his tongue exploring your mouth. you tried your best to kiss him back, saliva pooling at the corner of your lips as your vision was slowly going blank, stars starting to appear. your body trembled under his relentless pace, lips parted, gasping. but he started pulling his fingers out of you.

"woo," you whined which made him scoff, watching you looking like a doll. his perfect, little doll. he slid his fingers covered with your slick into his mouth, a hum vibrating through him while swirling his tongue around them while your mouth watered at the sight. you took a heavy breath, and without speaking, reached out, pulling his fingers from his mouth, looking at him expectantly.

he swallowed hard, the look you gave him was flipping a switch in his brain. "go on, take them into your mouth."

you obliged, sliding three of his long digits into your mouth. wooyoung groaned, his eyes closing as he could fell the back of your throat at his fingertips. he couldn't take it anymore, and clearly you couldn't either.

you aligned him at your entrance, your pussy practically begging for him to fill you. that signature smug smile remained as his eyes held yours, and you gripped his shoulders as his tip pushed through your walls, stretching you deliciously as he finally bottomed out. he paused, letting you adjust to his length, and you gasped before nodding him to continue.

he began to move, each thrust slow but steady, reaching deep, hitting that perfect spot inside you. your vision blurred with pleasure as he drove into you, his pace intensifying, while his lips found yours again. he could tell you were trying to hold your moans back, and that wasn't sliding by him. he gripped your throat tightly, pulling away from the messy kiss. "sing for me, baby," he moaned.

and you did. you moaned for him, your back arching off his mattress and into his chest as his pace quickened, thrusts growing deeper. they started out calculated but soon turned sloppy and messy. his lips pressed against neck. each movement, each kiss, each moan that escaped his lips only pushed you closer to the edge until you couldn't hold back anymore.

your hands gripped his shoulders tightly, fingers digging into him as the building tension finally snapped, sending you spiraling into release. your nails had dug crescents into his shoulders, drawing blood slightly. and then building tension finally snapped, sending you spiraling into release. you clenched so hard around his cock, pleasure consuming you completely with your body trembling in his arms as you released your orgasm. his hips never faltered as he rode you through the high.

wooyoung's thrusts slowed as he guided you through the last waves of pleasure, his own breaths turning ragged. "come on, baby," you whispered to him, trying to catch your breath slightly. he shivered at your tone, trying to chase his own high. "cum for me." you commanded, making him whine while pulling out of you quickly. his hand jerked his cock once then twice, and warmth spilled onto your thighs as he held you close, his load shooting out onto your plush skin. he fell down beside of you after every drop left him.

after leaving for a moment to retrieve a towel, he dragged the fabric to clean you and him up. he tossed it aside and held you close to him, his fingers grazing against your skin.

when he finally pulled back, his breathing heavy, he looked at you with that same inscrutable expression. "i'm not going to let you go," he said, his voice thick, almost possessive. "not this time."

you didn't say anything. there was nothing to say. you knew you were already lost. your breath was shallow, as you tried to forget the words, tried to remember that he didn’t matter. that he couldn’t hurt you anymore. his words were just empty promises, as always.

he had already left his mark. the damage was done. and you, despite everything, knew you'd sing for him again and again.

even if it meant losing yourself in the process.

[teeztruthers24]

stay with me, hold my hand, there’s no need to be brave, i will hold your hand for you

PAIRINGS: alpha hongjoong x omega seonghwa x omega reader (poly relationship)

WARNINGS: false pregnancy, reader is incredibly upset by this, angsty thoughts from reader, theres a lot of crying but is followed by fluff, hurt/comfort

no physical descriptions of the reader are included except reader is described as afab and having female anatomy. seonghwa is also a male omega and does have the anatomy to get pregnant (yes there is mpreg...sue me).

FYI: guys...this is my first time writing a/b/o dynamics. all i know of omegaverse stems purely from fanfics so please comment (nicely pls) if there's something i can change/improve on!

SUMMARY:

soulmates. your everything. nothing in this world could ever make you turn on your husbands – or them on you; your affinity to each other was just as strong as your omega wolf’s connection to her mates that she found in seonghwa’s omega and hongjoong’s alpha. your heart was ever-so-loved by your mates and you returned your love with the utmost adoration and affection. they never made you feel like a burden.

which made your current feelings of doubt about your relationship, strike at your heart.

all this pain over a simple test.

START:

you loved your husbands – truly, you did. they were the wind beneath your wings, your soulmates, your everything. nothing in this world could ever make you turn on your husbands – or them on you; your affinity to each other was just as strong as your omega wolf’s connection to her mates she found in seonghwa’s omega and hongjoong’s alpha. your heart was ever-so-loved by your mates and you returned your love with the utmost adoration and affection. 

so then why does your heart ache? why can you feel the back of your eyes burn with unshed tears, waiting to delicately fall down your face? why can you feel your chest squeeze, waiting to let out sobs that you’ve so patiently kept in? 

well, for the sake of your mates out in the bedroom, you keep quiet; all on your lonesome in your bathroom. you don’t want them to know how upset you are holding a negative pregnancy test, whilst your beloved seonghwa holds his positive one with immense pride and joy. where was your pride and joy? why couldn’t you be happy? a wave of guilt rolled upon you – who were you to feel this way about your own mate? why couldn’t you just accept seonghwa’s happiness? after all, he and hongjoong were together before you intervened joined their relationship and they had been waiting for so long for the second line on the pregnancy test to appear. they had waited much longer than you had – so why were you sitting on your toilet seat by yourself, sobs tearing at your heart, clouding your mind? 

not wanting your slightly soured scent to reach your mates outside, you hurriedly reached into the cabinet below the sink and applied a scent blocker, praying it was strong enough to mask your despair. deciding to throw your pregnancy test in the bathroom bin and covering it with toilet paper, you opened the door and walked out of the bathroom to see seonghwa resting peacefully on your bed, hongjoong gazing at him with adoration. throwing a blanket over his sleeping body, hongjoong looked up at the sound of you walking into the room, and smiled before walking over to you. 

“oh my love, isn’t this the most happiest moment ever? seonghwa was so excited, he cried and became sleepy so I told him to get some rest,” hongjoong said, soft hands gliding over your arms, resting upon your shoulders and pulling you into a tight hug. you could feel him nosing your neck, and pulling back in surprise at the feeling of your scent blocker. 

a questioning look adoring his handsome face, hongjoong asked, “why…why are you wearing scent blockers love? is everything okay? you were holed up in the bathroom before…seonghwa wanted to see your face when the test turned positive but we figured you were busy in the bathroom…” he trailed off, head tilted in uncertainty. uncertain about your odd behaviour. about your feelings. about why you decided to stay in the bathroom when your mates were outside in the bedroom figuring out if they were going to have a little addition to their little family. 

giving him a small, but tight smile, you shook your head, “I’m fine! I just had a bad day at work and even my shower couldn’t hide how upsetting today was,” you ruefully smiled at him. “I didn’t want to worry hwa – you know how strangely perceptive he is with even a slight scent change,” before you could start rambling, you cut yourself off and looked at hongjoong before squeezing his hands and telling him you would go to the kitchen to get started on dinner. 

you quickly left your bedroom before hongjoong could cast any doubt on your behaviour or hidden scent. hongjoong was incredibly perceptive about your and seonghwa’s emotions, quick to detect if either of you felt sad, angry, upset and was quick to soothe you. you prayed this time, your loving mate – who meant well – was oblivious to your despair. you ignored the set of eyes on your back; eyes that wondered what you were doing in the bathroom when your two mates received news of a lifetime out in the bedroom. 

as you worked around the kitchen, you worked wonders to make sure your oncoming tears didn’t fall. you cut up the vegetables and meat for the soup you were sure would make seonghwa feel better once he woke up. once that was done, you moved to go do the laundry and then clean up your living room; giving your mind no time whatsoever to think about the negative pregnancy test hidden in the bathroom, and seonghwa’s positive one sitting on your bedside table. 

though the distractions worked, you noticed that in the entire time you were busying yourself, not once did hongjoong leave seonghwa’s side the bedroom. not once did he peek his head out and come over to ask if you needed help. doubt started to cloud your mind and uneasy questions started to form. was hongjoong unhappy with you? could he - could he tell you weren’t pregnant? you had been trying for so long…was he able to tell even though you hid your sour scent?

with thoughts spiralling, you stood up from the couch so fast, your head spun. shaking your head softly, you decided you would talk to hongjoong. be brave. talk to your mate…your husband. courageously, you made your way to the bedroom but stopped shortly because in front of you…was hongjoong holding your pregnancy test. your negative pregnancy test. and your scent blocker packet in the other hand. 

and when he looked up to look at you, you could feel your heart crack at the sight of tear tracks marring his beautiful face. he sluggishly moved his feet towards you, almost as if a heavy chain was holding him back, tethering him to the ground. 

he kept his voice quiet when he asked softly, “is this why you put a scent blocker on? this?” he sniffled, gesturing to your pregnancy test. 

“you found this out all alone, hidden in the bathroom instead of with us?” hongjoong whispered. “is this why you hid from seonghwa? from…from me?” he let out soft sobs that tore at your heart. 

you felt the tears you carefully tried to hide fall down in heavy streams, blurring your vision. shoulders shaking, you felt like your legs give out but before you could hit the cold ground, you felt hongjoong catch you, holding you so delicately, as if you would shatter into irreparable pieces if he held on tighter. 

whispered apologies left your lips. the only thing circling your befuddled mind was the hope that hongjoong and seonghwa would forgive you. forgive you - forgive your omega for not getting pregnant. forgive you for hiding your sadness and not relishing in their happiness. 

almost as if he could read your mind – and maybe your mate was truly telepathic – hongjoong caressed your hair, moving your head into the crook of his neck and comforted you with soft “don’t apologise love”. as he moved the two of you to sit on the couch, his woody, earthy scent filled the living room, making you relax further into his arms. 

with hongjoong’s arms wrapped around you and his comforting scent flowering the air, all your sadness melted away like ice out in summer. he rocked you back and forth, like a parent does to their child, gliding his strong, yet gently hands up and down your back and tells you softly to match his breathing; your mate’s alpha knowing full well you and your omega were on the verge of a blown panic attack. 

after what seemed like forever, you felt your breathing slow down, heart softening in its pounding, your mind clearing the fog away. however you felt…ashamed… to look hongjoong in the eye and speak to him, so you carefully retracted his hands from you and moved to sit next to him on the couch. 

avoiding his eyes, you spoke so softly that hongjoong could’ve missed it, had his full attention not been on you, “I’m sorry for worrying you hongjoong-ah. I’m sorry I lied. I-I didn’t want you to be disappointed in m-me,” you could hear and feel your breath catching on your sobs, “I don’t know why I can’t get pregnant…I mean we’ve been trying for so long. I’m sorry I can’t give you a b-baby…please forgive me hongjoong-ah…please,” your voice broke off, leaving silence in its wake. 

you took a deep breath, trying to find the courage in you to speak again, but before you could, hongjoong softly clutched your face in his hands and pressed a soft kiss against your lips. when he leaned back and searched for an ounce of hesitation in your eyes, and found none, he leaned back in and kissed you so hard, you could feel the breath leave your lungs. 

when you both reluctantly pulled away, hongjoong kissed your tears away before pulling you into a tight hug. 

“please y/n. please my love, don’t apologise for this. I’m so sorry I didn’t see how sad you were before. I’m so sorry y/n-ah. you don’t have to apologise for a single thing, ok? you not being pregnant…that’s something I will never , could never, get upset at you for, alright my love?” hongjoong took a pained breath, before continuing, “you have to understand what I’m saying darling. I’m sorry you felt the need to hide the test. and I’m sorry it was negative…I know how much you wanted to be pregnant when hwa was so you could both experience it together…and I can’t even imagine the pain your omega is going through right now,” he paused to gauge your reaction. 

no longer forcing your tears to remain in your eyes, you allowed yourself the comfort of crying in front of your mate. your hongjoong. you remained silent, knowing hongjoong had more to say.

squeezing your hands, hongjoong continued, “but my love, we can always try again, okay? please don’t blame yourself for this y/n-ah…this is not your fault–” 

“I feel…bad…for my reaction to the test. the test itself. not telling you and hwa right then and there. I just didn’t want to ruin your moment together…I mean, I could smell how excited hwa’s omega was when he realised he was pregnant…I didn’t want to come inbetween that,” you sighed, shoulders dropped. it was only after you admitted this that you noticed how pungent the room had become, your sour vanilla scent overpowering hongjoong’s woody one. 

you hoped the scent wouldn’t reach seonghwa and wake your lovely mate up. god knows that was another thing you could do wrong.

hongjoong let out a strange sound from the back of his throat before shaking his vehemently, looking you deep in your eyes before exclamining, “come inbetween us? what are you talking about y/n? ever since you graced seonghwa and I’s life with your presence, it has always been the three of us, you understand? not just me and hwa. you and me and hwa. that’s how it’s been and that’s how it will always be, alright y/n? never doubt that.” hongjoong’s beautiful eyes were covered with unshed tears. 

you could feel your brain stop sending hostile thoughts of a ruined relationship around. 

eyes widened, you took a deep breath before asking, “so…you still want me? you and hwa? you still want me with you guys?” 

and before hongjoong could blink and respond, you heard a covered sob from behind the wall. you and hongjoong turned your heads to see seonghwa making his way from behind the wall, and your hearts’ broke at the sight of your pretty omega husband silently listening to your sadness with tears streaming down his face. 

“oh hwa, my love, come here,” hongjoong said, hand reaching out to grab seonghwa’s to pull him into your space on the couch.

“I-I’m so sorry for not checking on you my pretty omega…I feel terrible. I was living in my own happiness that I completely neglected you y/n-ah. will you forgive me,” seonghwa whimpered. 

your omega whined at the sight of one of her mates trying to speak in the midst of sobbing. his painful wails made you sniffle and grab seonghwa into a tight hug. 

“my pretty hwa. my pretty omega. please don’t say sorry. I should’ve told you the moment the test showed a negative. I shouldn’t have hid it from you…you’re my mates. if anything, please forgive me omega, alpha?” you pleaded with a sad pout, looking between seonghwa and hongjoong 

“as long as you remember it is the three of us in this relationship – okay, three? – then everything is good my love,” hongjoong said, hands squeezing your and seonghwa’s waists. 

“y/n-ah, I’ll still need my omega by my side throughout this pregnancy. I cannot do this alone baby. I still need hongjoong and you, the two of you. I’ll need both my mates. so please, don’t ever think I don’t need you, or don’t want you, or get bored of you, or–” 

your giggles at seonghwa’s cute rambling made him cut his speech short. together, he and hongjoong gazed at you with so much warmth and fondness in their eyes, you were surprised you hadn’t melted on the spot. 

nodding your head, you gave your mates a gentle smile. “okay. I think…I think I feel a lot better now,” you laughed softly. “this was a really big mess, huh? I probably could’ve avoided it but I’m glad everything’s out in the air now,” you said.

laughing along, hongjoong agreed before pulling you into a deep kiss, leaning back and pulling seonghwa into a kiss with just much as ferocity as he gave you. 

“how ‘bout we sleep in our nest tonight my lovely omegas, hmm? I think that would do all of us some good right? a night in our nest that my two beautiful mates built,” hongjoong suggested, kissing along your neck before moving to seonghwa’s to do the same. 

you and seonghwa turned to each other with a knowing smile, and understanding the mischievous glint in his eyes, you turned to hongjoong and giggled, “as if we would let an alpha into our nest!” 

clutching seonghwa’s hands, you stood up from the couch and moved away from hongjoong’s grasp, giggles from you and seonghwa turning into laughter at the sound of hongjoong’s offence at your words. 

“yeah alpha,” seonghwa said, jokingly, “our nest is an alpha-free zone!” 

“hey! get back here!” hongjoong stood up to reach you and seonghwa, but the two of you laughed like two mischievous peas in a pod and ran away from hongjoong’s outreached hands into your nesting room and shut the door. snuggling close together under the numerous blankets you had in your nest, you and seonghwa giggled at hongjoong’s amused chuckles when he came into contact with the closed door. 

and when he opened the door, his heart felt so full seeing you and seonghwa curling around each other, seonghwa’s hands clutching your body close to him, one of your hands in his hair, the other softly caressing his stomach. 

and later that evening when you all fell asleep cuddled in your nest (yes with hongjoong included, snuggling up close behind you), three pairs of arms and legs intertwined with each other, you felt your breathing relax and your heart ease from the pain of the day. 

the course of events today made you realise that in the arms of your mates, your alpha and omega, you didn’t need to be brave all on your own. you had them. and they had you. and in that feeling of solace, you slipped off into your dreams.

[artzslovematcha]

The OM! Brothers after the break up Part 2

🍵Part 1 (Lucifer , Mammon , Leviathan)

🍵info: No warnings! NO smut ! ANGST? A bit of crack maybe?

🍵Characters: Satan , Asmodeus , Beelzebub , Belphegor

Satan

Satan's wrath grew far more dangerous. The House of Lamentation had never been so loud and violent. Lucifer and the brothers decided that they'll put boarders , planks , whatever that keeps the door closed to prevent Satan from causing harm to them and to the whole devildom.

If you were lucky to even get a peek out of his room , it would look like a tornado passed by it. His books were on the floor , clothes were all ripped off , the walls full of scratches and the floor would also have a huge hole.

Satan lets out angry tears , was it wrong for him to feel hurt? Why was everyone looking at him like he did hurt somebody when he didn't? Sure he MAYBE had ripped some paintings in the house and demolished almost everything in his path , but he never physically harmed anyone.

He remembered what you said and he took that to heart. To never harm anyone just because he was angry.

Satan would be stuck thinking what he did wrong. No amount of heart wrenching books would ever one up to the pain he was feeling.

He would be convinced that somehow , he did hurt you. Because he cant seem to find anything as to why you would leave.

Asmodeus

Asmo brushed it off , pfft. As if a breakup can ever take a toll on him? He can get a new partner in no time , no matter what they are. An angel? A demon? Or another human? He can for sure be with another partner.

But he grew confused , he's breaking out?! He stares into the mirror in distress. "I did my nightly skin care routine before I fell into deep slumber , didn't I?!" Asmo checked all of his products and tried to remember if he had done them last night.

"..." He fell quiet once he realizes , maybe it was because he was crying last night. Asmodeus looks around his room , his eyes fell onto the floor. A pile of ice cream tubs and left over comfort candy. Asmo groans , he completely neglected his 'cut off sugar week' routine! Asmo groans and stormed back to his bed. Wrapping himself in his silky blankets.

Once Lucifer entered his room to ask why wasn't he there eating breakfast with his brothers. He claims that he can basically frighten the whole devildom if he steps out of his room , but the truth is...Asmo didn't wanna see you at all. Especially in this situation!

Asmodeus would often go to parties after you left to fill the empty void in his heart, though it never worked because it often just made him cry whenever he drinks.

Flings and one night stands also took place in his life after you left. Mostly rebounds aswell , but he can never get over you.

Asmo hoped one day you'd come back , he didn't try winning you back with flowers or lavish gifts but instead tried to make you jealous.

(Guys I love Asmo sm)

Beelzebub

Poor boy , he was confused and tried to think about what went wrong and it kept him from the thought of his empty stomach. His brothers would often find him staring off to space even when theres a whole buffet right infront of him.

When he does think about his hunger though , you would come to mind. He would chew on his cheeseburger and nearly choke because he was focused about what he did wrong to cause the relationship tumbling down.

Sadly , No amount of food will ever make him feel better. Not even his favourite human world cheeseburger. :c

Belphegor

Belphie would try to cope with the pain by sleeping over and over again hoping that everytime he wakes up , you'd be beside him. That this was all a stupid dream.

As days pass , he surprisingly got no sleep at all to the point his brothers were getting concerned. This was not the Belphie they know! Beelzebub would walk towards the kitchen only to find Belphie laying down on the floor.

"What are you doing , Belphie?"

"Finding new spots to sleep in."

"Isn't your bed comfortable enough?"

"Hell no. I can smell their scent , I can't sleep."

Belphegor wouldn't admit it but...he sleeps better with your scent. Its your absence thats haunting him. He would sometimes hold your guitar , trying to keep the memory of your voice and the sound of your soft lullabies to him.

He was first against the idea of lullabies , those were for babies! But that was also where the pet name 'baby' comes in. He fucking misses your voice it was keeping him awake.

🍵Not proofread! I swear I wrote the word stupendous can yall tell me if I did lol. Im half asleel

[burreauxsss]

thirty for thirty

background: the boy of every girl's dreams, joe burrow who was in a long lasting relationship with a model, ended due to infidelity, what happens when he runs into someone new at the met gala?

all pics from pinterest, all rights reserved)

synopsis: a game gone wrong means that theres a elephant in the room, that joe and y/n finally address

word count: 1.5k

notes: grammarly is really a pain when i try to write on google docs, so please ignore any spelling mistakes/correction mistakes.. anyways im home for awhile so im gonna be writing alot of these to pass my time.

warning: this is a au aka alternative universe series.

📍Chicago IL

The wheels of the jet screeched onto the runway, slowing to a quiet hum as the cabin lights flickered low. Joe leaned back in his seat, jaw tight, hands clasped in front of him. His phone vibrated for the 50th time that hour, texts from Ja’Marr, an ESPN reporter, and his PR guy all lighting up the screen. But the only person he cared about still hadn’t answered his last text.

Joe: “Landed, be there in 20, you okay?”

He stood up slowly, grabbing his duffel and tugging his hoodie up over his curls. A pair of oversized black sunglasses slid on as his Bose headphones connected. Music wasn’t playing. He just needed an excuse not to talk.

Two security guys spotted him, they didn’t speak for the sake of their job.

Joe moved through the small terminal fast, avoiding eye contact. But it didn’t matter, someone always noticed.

A guy in a Bears hoodie whispered to his girlfriend, eyes wide. “Yo… that’s Joe Burrow. What’s he doing here?”

Someone else took a blurry photo from the corner near the airport store. It’d be on Twitter in 15 minutes with the caption: “Joe Burrow in Chicago tonight?”

But Joe wasn’t checking social media. He wasn’t thinking about trolls or teammates or press conferences.

He was thinking about Y/N.

And how, when he saw her on FaceTime earlier, her face looked tired in a way that scared him. Like she was disappearing under all the pressure. Like she was trying to armor herself so hard she was breaking from the inside.

He was thinking about how the world had turned on her this weekend, over a foul, a look, a shove. Like they’d been waiting for her to mess up.

And he was thinking about how he hadn’t done enough, not publicly, privately, or when it mattered.

He reached the SUV waiting for him just outside baggage claim, tossing his bag into the backseat and sliding in. The driver gave him a nod.

“Straight to the address?”

Joe nodded. “Yeah. Fast as you can.”

As the city blurred past outside, his mind ran faster.

He was never one to react emotionally. He liked slow decisions, controlled narratives. But something about this situation lit a fuse in him. The protectiveness. The guilt. The helplessness.

He’d watched women he cared about get ripped apart by the press before, hell, even his ex girlfriend, but he always promised that this time around, it’ll be different.

Fifteen minutes later, parked in front of her high rise condo, Joe sat in the backseat of the SUV, watching her condo from the tinted window.

No paparazzi yet. But the night had that scared feeling, like anything could go wrong.

He stared at his phone, opened up Instagram, and hovered over the photo he’d taken days ago.

Y/N, in his Bengals hoodie. Hair up. Pizza in hand. Barefoot in the kitchen.

A candid. He’d taken it the morning after the Met Gala, laughing while she told him a story about her teammate’s terrible blind date.

He hadn’t posted it then, didn't want to make her feel attacked, and never wanted to face backlash for it.

But now, he was feet away from her. And when she opened that door? Everything was going to change.

The intercom sounded sharp in the silence of Y/N’s living room.

She didn’t move at first. Didn’t breathe. Just sat on her couch in Joe’s hoodie with her knees drawn up to her chest, phone face down on the coffee table, untouched since the last wave of hate started crashing in.

She already knew who it was, he said he was coming, but she didn’t believe he actually would.

She exhaled, finally walking to the screen by the front door. She tapped the video feed.

There he was.

Joe Burrow. Hoodie. Hands in his pockets. Head down.

Her heart clenched, and she buzzed him in.

A few seconds later, three soft knocks at the door.

She opened it slowly. He looked up. Eyes bloodshot from the flight, jaw clenched, voice low.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” she whispered.

Neither of them moved.

Then he stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug so tight, she nearly fell into it. Her fingers gripped his back instantly, pressing into the cotton of his hoodie, and she felt the tension he carried, shoulders stiff, arms protective.

No kiss. Just presence. His weight. His warmth. His breath was near her ear.

���I’m sorry,” he murmured, voice so quiet she almost didn’t catch it. “I should’ve shut this shit down sooner.”

She swallowed. “It’s not your job to fix it.”

He pulled back just enough to look her in the face. “Maybe not. But I can stand with you. That’s all I want to do.”

Y/N blinked hard. “You flew out here just to-”

“Yes,” he cut in. “I’m done hiding like you’re a problem I need to keep quiet. Like I’m protecting my image by protecting my distance. I should’ve known better. You don’t need protection. You just need truth.”

She stared at him, lips parted. “So what now?”

Joe stepped inside, shut the door behind him, and dropped his bag by the wall.

“Now,” he said, pulling out his phone, “we launch.”

yn.handle

❤️ 1m 💬 30,000

Liked by: lahjay_10 haileyvanlith teehiggins joeyb_9 and others

yn.handle: most unexpected plot twist @/joeyb_9

haileyvanlith: oh we KNEW

username_1: joe please dont do this to me i have work in the morning

username_2: just fell to my knees inside a walmart username_3: just saw someone fall to their knees inside a walmart

joeyb_9: beautiful.

*load more comments*

📍Chicago Sky Practice Facility     Chicago, IL 

The second Y/N walked through the gym doors, everything stopped.

Basketballs bounced in slow motion. Sneakers squeaked and stalled. Her teammates all turned toward her like they’d been waiting for this exact moment.

She could feel it in her bones, the aftermath of that post. The unspoken questions. The sidelong glances. The “omg bitch you better tell me everything” energy vibrating under the surface.

She kept her walk slow, steady, hoodie tied around her waist, headphones in, pretending to scroll her phone like she hadn’t seen her face on SportsCenter this morning or read a TMZ thread talking about her. 

She made it halfway to her cubby when Hailey  practically launched a Gatorade at her head.

“SOOOOOOO.” Hailey dragged it out dramatically. “You were just gon’ soft launch that man to hell and BACK, huh?”

Y/N smirked. “Technically… it was a hard launch.”

Courtney, already lacing up her shoes, threw in, “Hard launch? Girl, you damn near livestreamed your marriage license.”

“Yeah,” Kamilla said, jogging by with a towel. “Twitter thought y’all were engaged by midnight.”

Hailey added from now across the court, “And don’t think we didn’t clock that he’s been liking all your old thirst traps.”

Y/N opened her locker and grinned. “Oh, you went through the likes?”

Hailey was grinning like a kid on Christmas. “Duh. I saw him hit that bikini pic from the Turks like he was tryna go BACK in time.”

Y/N tossed her gym bag down and sat. “Okay, but real talk, y’all not mad at the circus right now?”

Courtney shrugged. “We’re used to the noise.”

Kamilla leaned against the lockers. “Girl, you handled the noise. Caitlin Clark tried to send you to the ER last game, and you still walked off the court like Rihanna in heels.”

“Plus,” Hailey added, “half of Chicago loves a little drama. And the other half just became Bengals fans overnight.”

Maddy deadpanned, “Except Caitlin stans. They’re already writing essays on Twitter.”

Y/N exhaled, stretching her arms over her head. “It’s just a lot. People think I’m here to be a headline. Not a hooper.”

That made the girls pause.

Courtney walked up, placed a hand on Y/N’s shoulder. “Listen. They might come for your relationship. They might even boo your free throws. But you lace up and lock in every game. That’s what counts.”

Hailey added with a grin, “Besides, if we do play the Fever again, I wanna see you drop 30 and then blow a kiss to Joe courtside.”

Everyone hollered in unison as they headed out for warmups. The coach walked in and clapped once. “Let’s get focused. Cameras are showing up later, so put your game faces on.”

He gave Y/N a pointed look, her chin held high for once. But during practice, Y/N drilled her shots harder than usual. Hustled harder. Talked less, and when she sank three straight from deep, even Coach cracked a smile.

Kamilla  jogged past her on a breakaway and whispered, “Joe’s favorite player still Caitlin Clark?”

Y/N smirked, wiping her forehead. “Not after this week.”

[hangezoeismyqueen]

Unspoken

Erwin Smith x Reader -> Angst to fluff

A desperate confession from our favorite commander, hope you enjoy ;)

(if enough people like this, I might make a pt.2)

--------------

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!”

The sound of dust falling to the ground could be heard from the surrounding rooms. All voices previously angered and hurt were silenced, reduced to nothing in the room that held so many precious moments. Hange and Levi, standing right outside the door to their superiors office, were taken aback. They had anticipated an argument, but nothing of the sorts. Deciding it was best to walk away then and there, they left in worry.

Your jaw forced itself up, eyes widening, and mind foggy. 

“Because you consume every fiber of my being,” The man in front of you pathetically uttered. Never in all your life had you imagined you would see Erwin Smith desperate, despite the many intimate moments shared on the bed the next door over. Despite the hushed moans, breathy kisses, and pressed up bodies that revealed themselves after a moment of vulnerability months ago.

Your expression told a thousand words. You were hurt, angry, confused. So many questions ran through your head. This didn’t fit in with the many, many rationalizations you had created in your head obsessing over the man before you. You were so sure he thought nothing of you, that you were comrades, equals, friends, but never lovers.

“I couldn’t- I can’t, let myself succumb to the desires that claw away at my soul. To let myself grow weak at your every movement, every pleading look you send my way.” Erwin’s usually commanding voice began to falter, breathless and cracking, when all he had done was stand still. His hands went to his forehead. He looked nauseous, like he couldn’t take it anymore. 

You let him continue. “If I lost you, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself, to push on and remain strong for all the world that depends on my command. I would have sacrificed the people counting on me just to see you smile again. I would’ve burned the walls that protect us to the ground if it meant you got to stay alive.” His confession was strained. He paused, sighed, and just then did you see the small ring of tears forming at the waterline of his beautiful blue eyes. The eyes that welcomed you into the scouts when he had just begun, and the eyes that have seen you at your worst. But never have these eyes looked at you like you were a million miles away when there was mere inches between you. 

Somewhere along his speech, the both of you shifted closer and closer together. 

Erwin opened his mouth to speak, “But of course I love you. I’m crazy about you. You don’t even know how miserable I feel when you leave my room without a second look, or how much I regret it when I see your sorrowful eyes glance at me after I don’t give you the light of day.”

You feel hope bloom in your heavy heart and your breaths become heavier by the second. Your furiously uttered questions were being answered one by one, the pain that once consumed you began to lift with every word he said.

“You’re irresistible. I mean, it’s you.” He looks down and chuckles mostly to himself. “But I can’t burden you with this. I won’t let myself.” You’re stuck in your place, not knowing what to do with yourself. Should you kiss him? Oh how you want to kiss him. 

Before you can answer that question for yourself, he looks up, and for the first time you see Erwin Smith cry. The Commander of the Scouts, The Erwin Smith, buckling for you. However, in this moment he was none of those, he was just Erwin. The one you grew to love.

Theres a long pause. “Listen, I get it if you want to leave, I’ve said too much already.”

You shake your head no before you know it, eyebrows furrowed and expression shifted from smitten to disoriented in an instant, but he begins to turn before he can witness it. 

So, you follow your first instinct, the only way you can express all the words that piled up at the bottom of your throat. You grab Erwin by the collar of his disheveled button up and kiss him like you’ve never done before. His eyes are wide, but he wastes no time before reciprocating, his dazed eyes closing shut. The kiss is wet with tears and rushed with devotion. His large hands impatiently grasp to cup your face and he acts like a starved man tasting food for the first time. As his tongue dips into your mouth, you realize this kiss is different from all the previous ones you’ve shared. No, this time he treats you like you’re made of glass, like you might break in his hands if he dares to move. Its tender and delicate, and all you can feel is the love he so often suppressed pouring from his lips. You pull away for a moment and he chases your lips before opening his eyes. 

Those same blue eyes now hold the most joy you’ve seen since you met him. 

“You’re such an idiot.” You breathlessly laugh as you see his expression morph into confusion paired with amusement. “Of course I love you. I’ve always loved you.” He waits, and you continue, “I love you so much that I’ll willingly, happily take on this burden with you. And I don’t care what happens in the future, can’t I just savor my time with you now? I mean, don’t we deserve at least that, after all we’ve been through?”

You’re right, he knows you’re right. And because of that, he nods and smiles. Grins even, with teeth and everything. Then, he dips his head back down and kisses you once more.

—

Levi and Hange converse in the mess hall about God knows what as an attempt to ignore their impatience, until their questions are answered by the sight of you and Erwin emerging from the sleeping quarters with big goofy grins on your faces. 

“Ohhhhhhh shit!” 

“Finally, you two.”

And you can’t feel more grateful. 

[anama-cara]

Take care

Boston Era!Joel Miller x you

Part 2

Summary: You're a nurse working in the Boston QZ and when a handsome new patient comes in you just can't help yourself. Word count: 1.4k

Warnings:  Dead Dove Do Not Eat, +18 minors dni, handjob, somnophilia, noncon. reader has no physical descriptions such as skin color or body type

You fucking hate it here- you hate Boston, hate FEDRA, hate your job, hate the world, hate your life. You need some excitement, something new. You're working as a nurse in a dirty QZ hospital. It's such a fucking joke. The hospital (if you can even really call it that) looks like an abandoned building. The lights flicker, the glass windows are shattered, the floor is always covered in grime, some of the brick walls are even crumbling in the front. Whenever a surgery needs to be done they just dip the instruments in a bucket of alcohol, theres no such thing as a sterile procedure anymore. There aren't enough supplies or staff left to properly function as a real hospital. There are only a few doctors for a ton of patients, some people that come in don't even get seen by a doctor. So that's where you come in, the nurses. You aren't even an actual nurse, you've never been formally trained. Before the outbreak you were a radiology tech, and once the QZ was set up they went around asking for anyone who was in the medical field. You volunteered, but you had no idea it'd be for a job like this. They just threw you to the wolves and over the years you've improvised and learned what works. It was messy in the beginning, you were scrambling and scared and had breakdowns almost daily. But now you feel like a hardened nurse, numb to most things. 

You're sitting in the "break room" munching on some jerky and absentmindedly kicking at a smudge mark on the ground with your boot. 

There's a flurry of commotion the hallway and the door flies open. 

"Jen?"

Your friend pokes her head in. "Oh good you're here, come on, we've got an intake. Male in late 40s, early 50s. Stab wound. "

"Is the doc coming to take a look?"

"Nope. Busy. It's on you."

"Me? He's not my patient and I'm supposed to be on break."

She laughs. "Yeah sorry. I would. You know I would. But my plate is full. I got a gun shot wound that's infected that's taking all my time. I wouldn't throw you this one if I didn't know you can handle it."

"Of course Jen. I got your back." You're following her down the hall rushing towards the emergency entrance.

"Thanks. Two guys brought him in." She nods to a room at the end of the hall on the left. 

"OK thanks Jen." You give her a nod and head towards your newest patient as she bustles down the corridor. 

"Hello I'm- shit." This is the kinda shit you're getting sick and tired of. The men just dumped him and left. Your patient is fully unconscious, laying flat on his back on the exam table, wound still bleeding. This guy needs a doctor, but you're all there is. You sprint for the supplies closet, grabbing alcohol wipes, gauze and suturing materials. With your arms full you rush back to the room. Good thing he's unconscious, you think, because this is going to hurt and the hospital ran out of pain meds long ago. 

You tug and rip his flannel shirt open, making the buttons pop off. You're tearing open packets of gauze and trying to clean his wound so you can get a good look at the entry point. Finally after wiping away the dried and fresh blood you get a clean view. You begin disinfecting. There's an open gash about four inches long running underneath his ribs on the right side.

You blow out a deep breath, pull up a chair and get to work closing the laceration. 

--

An hour later you push yourself up, set your instruments aside, wipe the sweat from your brow and look over the stitches. Given the circumstances its looks pretty darn good, you're actually proud of yourself. 

You look your patient over, eyes moving past his wound and taking him wholly in for the first time. 

He's probably in his early 50s, patchy graying beard, tan skin, ruffled hair. His flannel shirt you ripped open reveals his hard chest and soft tummy. You study his sleeping face, the creases in his brow and the hard angles of his jaw and nose. He's undeniably handsome.

You notice the blood on his flannel and you sigh as you stand up from your stool. You stretch, back aching after leaning over him to sew his wound. You reach for his flannel and begin tugging his limp arms out of the sleeves. You pull the bloody shirt out from underneath him and toss it on a nearby table. His arms are muscular and you notice a few scars here and there. Your hand reaches out on its own accord to lightly trace over a jagged white line on his bicep. He twitches at your touch and your hand quickly pulls away. 

You move down to his jeans. After unbuckling his belt you slowly pull them down, trying to be as gentle as possible. Now that the immediate danger of the bleeding stab wound has been dealt with you need to do a physical exam and make sure he has no injuries elsewhere. You toss his pants on the table and walk back to your patient, examining every inch of his beautifully tanned skin. You can get him a hospital gown later. Your hand traces up his leg and you watch it as it moves over his dark hair, over his knee and rests on his thigh at the edge of his boxers. You shift your gaze higher and to your surprise you see his hardened bulge pushing against his boxers. You gulp and your hand lightly glides up and down his inner thigh, tracing along his muscle. You shoot a glance up to his face - he's still out. You look at the closed door and try to listen. You don't hear anyone in the hallway. The only other nurse on duty in your unit of the hospital is Jen and she's definitely still occupied with that gunshot wound...

You reach up and with one hand you pull the waistband and his boxers out while your other hand slips underneath, wrapping around his hard cock. His cock twitches when you first touch him and you smile. You slowly move your hand all the way down, feeling the full length of him. Damn he's got a nice one. You swallow the spit that's pooling in your mouth. You drag your hand back up and your thumb runs through his slit and circles around the head. You look at Joel's face again. He's still completely out but you think his brow looks more furrowed and his mouth a little more opened. You continue to gaze up at him as you twirl around his head, feeling precum beginning to bead at his tip. You swipe and gather it on your index finger before popping it in your mouth. Salty and warm and deliciously masculine. You pull your finger out and hold up your hand as you tounge it, licking your palm and fingers.

Your grab his cock again, pumping him faster now as your hand glides over his warm smooth skin. You hum to yourself as you work. 

Minutes later and you feel him tightening. You quickly grab a cloth from the table and tuck it under his boxers just in time. He erupts under your hand, ribbons of messy cum spilling into the cloth. When he's done your pull the cloth out and wrap it up neatly, keeping everything it caught tucked into the middle. Joel's eyelids flutter and he makes a groaning noise. He'll be waking up soon. You place the dirty cloth in the laundry bag and step into the hallway to grab a patient gown from the clean linen cart. You wash off your sticky hand and quickly dress him. You're tidying up your instruments when Joel finally wakes up, groaning as he tries to sit. 

"Woah mister careful, you got a pretty good gash in your abdomen there. Easy. Just relax. You're in the hospital now. I'll take good care of you." 

You smile pleasantly at him. 

[getstickbugdlol]

this is literally just a huge dump of feelings about the Everything

obviously this has fucking sucked (if you dont know what im talking about im talking about my ex's very serious affair and kicking him out of the house.) my whole world just got ripped out from under me and the one person i thought i could trust turned out to be a violent lying cheater. i never ever ever thought in a million years duncan would hit me. but i never thought hed cheat either so.

theres been a bit of relief, though - like he was soooo insistent we HAD to stay in nyc even though ive wanted to leave basically since i got here. and it wasnt even that i was opposed to nyc, i just wanted him to be committed to a life *with me* instead of me fitting well into his nyc life cause neither of us are from here. ive thought about what it would mean to never date a woman again, i thought about him not being somebody id want to raise a child with, etc etc. it's objectively good that i ended a relationship with a violent, entitled, lying, cheating, dumbass rich boy loser. now i can go wherever i want. i can do whatever i want.

however.

duncan was my first major relationship, i had never had a relationship that lasted longer than six months before i met him. he was the first person i slept with after being raped. first person i said i love you to. first person whose family i met and who met mine. this relationship was a huge fucking deal for me, it confronted a lot of fears i had about myself being fundamentally unlovable and difficult and now it's like....that was never true.

and yes, i have friends and i'm a well-liked person but we built this whole life together, and it wasn't enough for him. nobody's ever wanted to build a life with me, nobody's ever wanted me that close before and i have trouble thinking it will ever happen again. being well-liked is great but it's not the same as being loved. having a lot of friends isn't the same as being presented, cherished, folded into somebody's life, somebody saying "You have a space here."

all my friends are in long term relationships or getting married, why did everybody else get to find their person at 25 and i end up hurt and betrayed again? why do men treat me this way? whats wrong with me that i keep choosing them? why was i not worth building a life with?

there's nothing else i want from duncan. i never want to see him again. he's violent and entitled and he scares me. the fact he moved into an apartment on my same fucking street makes me paranoid. but why did he go along with this whole relationship, what was the point of lying and lying and lying to me when he knew that would be devastating to me. was that part of the thrill of it? idk maybe.

i have a lot of questions that are never going to have satisfying answers and my self esteem is really low rn, but it's not satisfying to hear anything. im in a lot of pain. im glad i have school to focus on, and that i can go anywhere because i think i probably will move - i literally have not had one year in nyc without some kind of earth shattering trauma. year 1, pandemic, year 2, discrimination at work, year 3, subway shooting, year 4, breakup #1, year 5, the final and worst breakup.

idk none of it makes sense. it is so antithetical to how i would behave. why the hell would he meet this other girl's family. what was lacking in me that he sought that out. sitting in the same bed as me in our hotel room in vienna, planning trips, while he was texting this other girl and lying to my face. he was talking to her about getting a cat, about moving in together. why would you do that. it doesnt make any sense.

i really think he deserves to lose all his money and have his ass thoroughly kicked but at the end of the day he still wasted 4 years of my life and proved all my fears about relationships true.

everybody is also acting like they all saw this coming and they didnt. ive had a lot of anger because ive felt at times that ive been guided to stay in this relationship because im always the person thats like girl dump him and a lot of people told me not to be too hasty with this but like those red flags were there day 1 and i saw them. and they were true.

it just doesnt make sense and idk how im going to move forward from this or what i did to deserve it while everybody else i know gets to be happy and supported

[icrypop]

In pain, theres peace.

Call of Duty Ghost

Ghost x Fem! Lieutenant! Reader

Angst/Comfort

Warnings: Mentions of guns/gunshot, wounds, friend dying, friend getting injured, self blame

Oof this one hurts- I'm so tired but I got it done, I need to go eat my hot-pockets now

-Writer Icy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gunfire. Screaming for a medic. Not having enough time

It happened too fast. I watch as he lay lifeless on the concrete floor, several gunshot wounds to the stomach and chest… right through the vest.

As the unit communicated through coms, the world went quiet for me. I froze, my heart pounding in my ears as my blood ran cold. Rage and anger but sadness and regret. I was frozen, stuck in one spot as I stared down at my now dead best friend. He had been there my junior and senior year of highschool and enrolled into the military with me..I was at his damn wedding- “Y/N! Pull yourself together!' I heard Soap's voice ring out sharply, his words cutting through the silence that I thought was there. 'This isn't a field trip, L/n! Get your ass into gea-” another gunshot and a yell. My head whipped around to Soap who was now bleeding from his bicep. “Fuck..” I had to move, I had frozen in the middle of fire. My heart sank as I realized the severity of my actions. 

Ghost’s POV

Soap's words had stung her, but they also served as a harsh reminder of her duty. I ran out just as L/n looped her arm up under Soap’s, making their way back to the hall we took cover in. I could only serve a sharp look her way. “L/n, You're a lieutenant. Act like one.” I grumbled under my breath. She put her head down as the rest of the unit met back at the evacuation heli.

No ones POV

After returning to base, a run-down shack in the middle of nowhere; they were able to get Soap down and banaged after removing the lodged bullet in his arm. “Fuckin’ ‘ell Soap” Ghost mumbled after watching Y/n bandage Soaps arm. “L/n, what the hell were you thinking? People die everyday- You could’ve gotten Soap or yourself killed.” 

Y/n nodded “Yes Ghost I know, I know the severity of my actions and what could’ve happened…It wont happen again.” she mumbled before leaving. Soap grabbed Ghost’s arm with his good one, “Go easy on ‘er mate. How’d you feel if ya’ lost her in combat?” Ghost nodded, ���I know…Have to be harsh on her out front…Price would have our arse if he knew-” Soap patted his comrade’s arm and nodded “I know. Just go get ‘er.” He mumbled before relaxing back into his temporary bed.

Ghost returned to their shared room to find Y/n sitting on the edge of the bed, her back facing the door. Tears streamed down her face as grief consumed her, not only for their fallen comrade but also for the realization that her panic and freeze up could have jeopardized Soap, herself and the whole mission… So many more lives could’ve been lost if she had stood there another second-

“Y/n,” Ghost’s deep voice rang through the silence of the small room. He closed the door and made his way over to her, his heart heavy.

'I'm sorry, Simon,' Leah whispered, her voice trembling. 'I let you down.'

Ghost crossed the room and crouched in front of her. With a soft touch, he rested his ungloved hand on her knee, his gaze meeting hers. 'You didn't let me down, Y/n.”

'But I panicked,' Leah protested. “I could’ve gotten Soap or someone else on the team killed. I-If I had stood there another second, It could've-”

“We all have our moments of weakness, Y/n,” Ghost sighed, cutting her off. “But it's how we respond to them that truly matters.”

Ghost's words brought a glimmer of solace to Y/n. She leaned into his shoulder as the final walls broke as she cried openly into her partners shoulder. He held her close, whispering soothing words into her hair. “Let's honor your friend,” Ghost suggested softly. “We'll give them a separate burial, just the two of us tomorrow…I know they were your best friend.” 

“He was practically my brother Simon..” she hiccuped. “So lets make them feel honored. He may be gone but not completely.” Ghost soothed her to the best of his ability. Comfort wasn’t his specialty, it was Soap’s. Being with Y/n, he had to learn a thing or two as to, in words of Soap, “Not be a fucking dick-faced-prick”.

The following day, they found a secluded spot, far from the temporary base in the forest clearing. With solemn hearts, they laid their comrade to rest, offering a whispered prayer for their eternal peace. As they filled the grave, Y/n felt a sense of closure. Though the sorrow would linger, she knew that her friend had found their way to the afterlife. It hurt her but she knew it was always going to hurt when she lost someone she loved. She knew when she joined, they both did. But as she looked at her partner beside her, she felt relief that she wasn't going through this alone. The man might be harsh, rude, and unfeeling on the outside but she knew what laid in his heart and she loved him for it all.

Together, Ghost rebuilt Y/n’s shattered spirits. They recognized the strength in their connection and the importance of supporting each other through their darkest hours. Y/n's panic had been a harrowing experience, but it had also brought them closer together, forging an unbreakable bond that transcended the battlefield. He knew she was going to be okay, not today or tomorrow, but she’ll get through this and he’d help her till the end.

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group G, Round 2, Poll 8:

Propaganda under the cut

Taylor Hebert / Skitter

Gaslight: She’s constantly gaslighting herself, like seriously all the time. Mainly because she couldn’t properly process her own emotions to save her life. ‘I’m totally fine after doing [fucked up thing]. Totally fine. It was my only option, and definitely not a result of my own deep-seated trauma affecting the way I perceive and interact with the world around me. Plus it’s not like it was even *that* fucked up. Actually, it was definitely the most moral choice in that situation. I had no other option. They forced my hand’. No they fucking didn’t Taylor. You had tons of other options, you’re just too much of a traumatized mess to recognize them. And *Worm* is well-written enough that, because we’re constantly seeing things from her fucked up point of view, we believe her. Especially when she describes events slightly yet very significantly differently from how they actually *textually* occurred previously in the text, but not so obviously that the readers notice without it being pointed out to them. It’s only during interludes from the POVs of other characters that we get a view of her without that lens of self-delusion. Gatekeep: Probably the weakest of the three for her, but somebody else could probably tell you more. Girlboss: She has the power to control bugs, with perfect coordination, infinite multitasking, and even proprioception. What does she do with that (in no particular order)? Rot somebodies dick off. Stick flies up his urethra. Eat his eyes with your bugs after he’s already disabled. Stick bullets ant up somebodies anus. Have bugs clean off the sweat and other material immediately after losing your virginity. Use your bugs to to drive a car through a city post-disaster while blind, without anybody else realizing you’ve been blinded. Get stabbed in the shoulder through bone, and proceed to monologue to the stabbed without showing any signs of pain. Line up bugs on people your shooting at with bugs on your gun to give you pinpoint accuracy. Hide massive amounts of bugs in the folds and crevices of your body, as well as in in your hair. Join a gang of supervillains. Carve out somebodies eyes. Turn butterflies into an instrument of terror. Kill a baby. You know, just completely normal things for a barely 16 (pre-timeskip) / not-quite 18 (post-timeskip) year old girl to do (most of these were pre-timeskip).

[copied from @lakesbian so credit to them]

*rotting a guy's dick off with brown recluses. on accident. *realizing due to her accident that it's actually pretty effective to put bugs on genitals and starting to threaten people with putting tapeworms up their asses on purpose. and also putting bugs up asses and peeholes on purpose. really if theres an orifice she puts bugs up there on purpose *dips her bugs in capsaicin before putting bugs up orifices on purpose so it hurts more. [skitter voice]i just dipped every tarantula hawk wasp in my villainous lair in liquid pepper spray so nows not the time to get stupid with my ass *using spider silk to create rube-goldberg machines of suffering i.e hauling a dude 3 stories up into the air and then dropping him, shattering all of his limbs on impact. all while casually holding a conversation w/ someone else *using centipedes to hollow another villain's eyes out and then putting maggots inside and just Leaving Them There with the intent of the heroes she hands the villain over to finding the maggots later and being scared of her *killed parahumans' wonder woman equivalent by putting bugs in her lungs and then using those bugs to make silk in her lungs to block out airflow. while monotone-quoting something wonder woman had said to threaten her earlier back at her as she died. wonder woman wasn't even in the room to hear it she just did it anyway. *only time she has ever successfully been jailed is when she turned herself in on purpose *made a phone call using bugs once. not villainous but very funny and iconic *used bugs to swang around a disintegration knife on a massive length of silk, killing like 50 people instantly, because she wanted one (1) person in the room dead and was willing to just shotgun that shit until it worked out for her. and then immediately after proceeded to think of herself as "not much of a fighter." because she has psychological issues. *mind-control kidnapped several thousand people once *literally made fun of god's dead girlfriend until he got suicidal and died about it *drove a car. blind. using bugs. no one realized she was blind for like 12 hours because she's a bug freak superorganism of a girl who walked around using bugs to triangulate perfectly w/o vision. also not villainous but still iconic *wanted to put 10000 black widow spiders in a shared villainous base to make costumes out of spider silk w/ and when the other dude who lived there was like "wtf can we not??" she was like "huh that's surprising. you don't want 10000 black widow spiders in your home? why? are you arachnophobic or something?" because she's a freak. *fucked, got up, and immediately made several hundred bugs crawl across her naked ass body to clean her off. because she's a freak. her boyfriend has had spiders on his dick he's just going to have to live with this *literally psychologically cannot refrain from putting bugs in the hair and clothing of everyone within a several block radius to keep track of them at all times because she's a panopticonic freak. like i'm talking "her friends occasionally talk to bugs they see under the assumption that it's her spying on them, and they're Right" level panopticonic freak. she rocks. *did i mention she's 15. world's most autistic freak 15yo dissociates hard enough to kill god more at 7

Regina George

Mean Girls became a template for high school drama movies, Regina being the meanest of the titular "mean girls"

[glassartpeasants]

Run Rabbit Run .09

Yandere!Eustass Kidd x F!Reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of past abuse, pregnancy, implications of death,

A/N: So since theres gonna be a little more people in this chapter then usually so some people are gonna have the same colors but different size fonts to indicate a different persons talking. hope its not to confusing. The key to help for people with the same color is below

Chopper- small orange Nami- regular orange

music playlist

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10 pt.11

~~~

“We’re here! Everyone assume positions and get ready to dock!” The sound of thunderous footsteps and Tashigi’s voice breaks through your nap. You rub your eyes as the sun shines through the windows of the bunk room. 

“Wake up (Y/N)! We’re at Sabaody!” Tashigi’s voice once again cuts through the silence as she calls out to you from behind the door.

“Mmh, I’m up…just give me a second.” You stretch gently before gathering the strength to push yourself up. Breathing heavily, you manage to sit up, the purple turtleneck you wore slightly riding up before you pull it back down. You grab your hat from beside you and position it so that it keeps your hair in place and hides the scar along your face.

“Do you need help picking up your things?” The door opens as Tashigi peaks inside to check up on you.

“That’d be wonderful. I can’t really pick up things like that anymore, haha.” You watch her grab some things and hand them to you before she carries some things herself.

“There's no need to do that. I’m going to have to carry it after I get off the ship.”

“I’m using it as an excuse to just hang out with you for a little longer. Smoker might make me do something.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the slight pout on Tashigi’s face. Yet, you were happy you’d be able to talk to her as friends before you guys became ‘enemies.’ The thought made your heart bleed, but there was nothing you could do about it. Even if you were enemies outside, you’d always be friends in your soul.

The thought of not being woken up and seeing the smiling faces of G-5 marines made a small voice inside you tell you to stay. That you’ll miss them more then you think you would. It was like an earworm replaying the same song over and over again. But when you bite your tongue harshly, all those thoughts leave, and the voice telling you to return to the Straw Hats and that your almost home comes back. It’ll always be hard, never being able to talk to them peacefully ever again. But the memories will soothe the pain. 

“Captain! We’’ve docked! We’re on tree 30!” One of the marines notifies Tashigi and you on th ebay that the ship was anchored. Thankfully, quite a bit away yet close enough to bay 41. While you weren’t looking forward to walking that far, it’d be worth it in teh end to see everyone.

“Here’s to hoping my shoes don’t get drenched in whatever makes those bubbles here.”

“It actually doesn’t! Truly weird stuff. Have you never been to Sabaody before?”

“I’ve been here but haven’t actually been on land. Just a quick sight as we passed by to head to the new world.”

“It’s a pretty place but also full of bad people. Bounty hunters, other pirates, and not to mention those disgusting Celestial dragons. Makes me sick.”

“Anyone sane would want to see those horrible people go down.”

Memories of the Celestial Dragons you encountered two years ago flood your mind as you hold back the urge to vomit everywhere. You remember a conversation you had with Killer months ago when you were still under Kidd’s lies. How he told you about how the Celestial Dragons mark their slaves by burning their symbol into their skin. Almost exactly like the jolly roger scarred into your own. Once again, though, you escaped your kidnapper's clutches. But there's so many people who’ll never be given the chance you’ve had. Never be able to see the sun as a free person.

‘No. Don’t dwell on that. Today’s supposed to be happy. Stop thinking about things you can’t control.’

“Well, this is it.” As soon as you were 20 feet from the ship, you and Tashigi stopped. Turning around to face the ship, you saw everyone gather to say goodbye, including Vice Admiral Smoker.

“So this is it, huh?”

“I guess so.” A little chuckle leaves your lips before it turns into tears. Despite trying your best to silence them, they continue to flow.

“I’m so thankful for all of you…You’ve always done so much for me, and there's nothing I can do to repay you. I’m going to miss you all so much.” You can feel Tashigi wrap her arms around you before starting to cry as well.

“Don’t leave (Y/N)! Stay with us!” The two of you held each other tight as tears continued to cry harder.

“I’m sorry! We can still be friends regardless of our sides!” Tears made your vision blurry as you held onto Tashigi for a little while longer before leaving her embrace. Walking up to Vice Admiral Smoker, you lower your head.

“Thank you for everything, Vice Admiral. I promise to protect the honor of G-5 and take down any pirate who dares speak ill of you. And I also promise that no civilian will be hurt by my hands.”

“They better not. Now, get out of here before I change my mind.” With a chuckle, you lift up your head and grab your things with Tashigi’s help.

“Oh, Tashigi, one more thing before I go. I have to ask you something.” With all the overthinking you’ve been doing, a scenario popped up in your head that you couldn’t help but ask her to be a part of.

“What is it?”

“If, by some chance, I do end up keeping the baby with me, and I happen to pass away, would you take care of them for me? Like a godmother or something?” Once again, you were wrapped up in Tashigi’s arms as she cried.

“I’m so honored! Of course, I will. Oh my god (Y/N), you're so sweet!” The two of you hug a little longer before separating. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you wave to the other marines, who wave back to you.

“Goodbye, everyone! I love you all!” With a final wave, you turn your back and make your way to the thousand sunny.

“Do you think she’ll be safe? I can’t help but worry.” Smoker watched as the captain of G-5 gently wiped her tears away. How a single pirate managed to worm her way into the hearts of G-5 will forever be a mystery to outsiders.

“She’ll be fine. As much as I’d like to arrest those Straw Hats right now, I’ll wait. We’ll definitely be seeing each other again. A pirate can only escape for so long.” Crossing his arms, he watches you walk away.

He’s never met someone like you in all his years on earth. Someone who’s been through hell twice yet still has kindness to give to a world that turned their back on her. How you’ve managed to pull through all these months was a miracle. So many nights, people were awakened to the sound of your cries from the night terrors you suffered, but no one said a word about it to him until a day ago. To suffer all that and still find a way to smile is a trait not many can say they have. It’s admirable.

“Let’s get ready to go back to the New World. Everyone get ready!”

“Yes, Vice Admiral!” Watching the Marines scatter helps Smoker ignore the sadness in his chest. Despite how he’d outwardly deny it, he’ll miss you. You can only hang out with someone for so long before they worm their way into your heart. And somehow, you managed to set up a place without meaning, too.

~~~

‘This place is much bigger than I remember. I hope I’m going the right way. Not like I can ask for directions.' You were trying to avoid the public eye yet not look suspicious, so you just kept your head down. With your hair covering your scar and your hat hiding your face, a slight sense of safety coursed through your veins. But not enough for you to ignore the wanted posters that had your face scattered everywhere. Even though there was so much noise around you, you still managed to catch your name being talked about.

“When the hell are the Marines going to catch her? Doesn’t she know the destruction and death she’s caused?!”

“She should just go back to Captain Kidd. Everyone would be safer and happier. She’s being selfish.” Those words make you stop in your tracks as a rage boils inside you. You know you promised Smoker that you wouldn’t lay a hand on a civilian, but how dare they call you that? They don’t know what you’ve been through. How can they tell you what you should do when they haven’t experienced anything you have?

“Let’s not forget she’s pregnant! The most infamous worst-gen pirate has a child! No doubt that child is going to be just like their dad!” Your knuckles turn white from how hard you were gripping your belongings. Every cell in yoru body begged for you to teach them a lesson. To tell people that they had no right to treat you the way they were. That if they went through what you went through, they wouldn’t be talking the way they were. You can feel your body shake in anger as they continue to talk.

‘I have to keep moving. I’m gonna do something I’ll regret if I don’t.�� Taking a deep breath, you begin to fast walk away from the two civilians. You’ve come too far to blow your cover now.

“300,000,00 berri’s if given to Captain Kidd, but only 100,000,000 if given to the Marines? Why would anyone turn her into the Marines if the price Kidd is asking is much higher?”

“Right?”

‘Just keep walking. Just keep walking.’ Water begins to appear at your tear line as you try to ignore the angry tears that threaten to spill. Your heart beats hard as you look at the ground, only sneaking glances at the trees to see that faithful 41.

“Please leave me alone! I’ll give you all my money. Just let me go!” A woman screaming caught your attention, making you scan your surroundings. When you turned your head to the right, down a dark alley, you saw a large masked man gripping a woman's wrist harshly. The scene triggered your own memory of being in her shoes.

“Please! Just let me go! I-I’ll give you all the money I have! Just let me go!” You try to pry his meaty hand off your wrist, but inside, you know it was pointless. It seemed your desperate attempt amused him.

“Now, why would I let something I caught fair and square go?” The way his eyes looked up and down your body made a shiver go down your spine.

“I could get a pretty penny selling you as a slave. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No! Someone help me!” You begged for someone to help her. The chances of your cover being blown would multiply if you jumped in. Yet, the more seconds that went by, the more your hope diminished. Images of that man two years ago, the day everything happened, popped into your head. The man begged for help, and all he wanted was to see his family, but no one did anything. All they did was ignore him as those horrible people arrived and killed him.

You couldn’t do anything then, but maybe now, you could.

Picking up your bags, you walk into the dark alley, your heart beating wildly. Looking up just enough to see the man’s chest, you crack your knuckles before speaking.

“Didn’t you hear her? Let her go.” The sounds of struggling stopped before a raspy laugh left the man.

“Your kidding me? A pregnant lady trying to jump in and help? What are you gonna do? Waddle over here and give birth on me?” His words only made you see red.

“I’m going to give you one more chance. Let her go, or else.” The familiar tingling in your fingertips reemerges as you wait for the man’s next move. Your fingers twitch as you can hear barely silent crackling.

“Oh, I’m so scared!” The man mocked you and seemingly gripped the woman's wrist harder. 

“You're hurting me!” As those final words leave the woman’s mouth, you curl your fingers into claws before feeling the tingling get stronger and the crackling gets louder.

Light began filling the dark alley, flashing and flickering as the ball of pure electricity in your hand started forming. Each snap of electricity only made you pour more anger into your attack.

“A devil fruit user? Go figure. Just because you have some powers doesn’t change the fact that you're weak-” After deeming it has enough charge, you throw it straight for the masked man. You watch him try to dodge, only to have it hit him directly in the chest.

The woman manages to pull her wrist free from the man’s grip before running behind you. Both of you watch as the ball of electricity disperses and runs across his entire body. You watch him grab his chest before falling back and landing on the ground with a heavy thud. Without saying a word, you watch as the man spasms on the ground, trying to get a breath in.

“We need to go now.” With the woman nodding, you both quickly walk away from the alley and into the road. Having all your belongings in your hands, you feel slightly drained. Your lungs burn as your mouth goes dry. Sure, you’ve used your devil fruit powers on pirates while in G-5, but that stopped when you found out you were pregnant. So it’s been months since you’ve used it on anyone.

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you anywhere else, right?”

“No. And yes, I’m okay.”

“Good.” Turning your back, you begin walking towards Grove 41 once again.

“Wait!”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. I don’t know what would have happened to me if you hadn’t come.”

“No problem. Just make sure you stop using back alleys and stay on public roads.”

“I will.” You watch the woman run in the opposite direction from you and take that as your cue to continue your original quest.

~~~

After walking for what felt like hours, the familiar smiling lion comes into view, and you feel your heart jump in your chest. Seeing the thousand sunny after being in the dark for so long felt like seeing a miracle happen before your eyes. A new-found energy bursts inside you as you start walking faster with a new vigor.

‘I’m here! I’m here!’ Holding your belongings with a crushing grip, you can feel a huge smile spread to your face. You could hear laughter the closer you got, and your heart felt as if it were going to explode!

Soon enough, you were close enough to where you were able to see a clear view of the crew. You try to speak, but nothing seems to come out. It felt like it was a dream. Even though you were speechless, your presence seemed to be enough as a familiar face called out to you.

“(Y/N)?!” You watch her run up to you along with the others.

“(Y/N)!”

Not even seconds pass before you're encased in a hug. The feeling of being near them was enough to have you start sobbing. Being surrounded by pure love and care but the people you owe your life to felt unreal. You’ve dreamed of this moment for so long, and now that it is finally here, you don’t know where to start.

“You're okay! I was so worried about you!”

“Yeah, me too!”

“We all were,”

“I missed you all so much…I’m so happy!" Despite your limited ability, you try to hold everyone close to you. It’s been so long since you’ve been so happy that the feeling almost felt foreign.

“I can’t believe this is real. I was so afraid I’d never see you guys again!”

“Come on! Let’s go sit down now. I bet you're tired.” Through your tears, you nod as you let them take you aboard the Sunny. You notice a shiny substance covering it. 

“What's that?”

“Oh! It’s the coating that’s going to help bring us down to Fishman Island!”

“Wonder if Franky enjoys having his ship covered in bubbles.” Laughter erupts through the tears. Having your shoes crunch against the grass of the safety has a wave of safety washing over you. Sitting on the bench connected to the mast pole, your able to let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Robin and Nami sat next to you while almost everyone else sat on the grass.

“Where’s Luffy and Zoro?”

“They should be here soon. I swear if that moss head got lost.” You finally take off your hat as the sun is beating down harshly, making you sweat. With your hair finally being able to move, the strands that once hid the huge scar on your face disappeared. Leaving it for them all to see.

“Oh my god, what happened?! How did you get that scar?!” While you knew you shouldn’t have been surprised they’d notice it right away, it still managed to shock you. Maybe you just lived with it for so long that you’ve forgotten what you used to look like without it.

“This? Oh. I went face first into a corner of a crate.”

“Does it hurt? Here, let me check!” You watch as Chopper hops onto the bench before examining your face. 

“How you are not blind is amazing, considering where it’s placed.” Feeling Chopper's little hooves on your face causes a small warmth to erupt in your chest.

“No, it doesn’t hurt. I’ve had it for a while. And it hasn’t caused any problems.”

“What about this one? There's a huge one on the back of your head.” You feel Robin's nimble fingers gently brush through your hair, her gentle touch reminding you of your mother. The sensation made you bite your lip as you choked back tears.

“Can you do that again, Robin? It felt nice.”

“Sure.” Her calm voice and touch made your eyes close as you tried to regain composure.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm? Yes Robin?” A shiver goes down your spine as you feel her trace the scar.

“Did….Kidd do this to you?” Simply hearing his name makes tears finally slip down your cheeks, and some even onto Chopper's hooves. With your vision blurry, you close your eyes and nod. Even saying his name would leave a bad taste in your mouth.

‘God damnit. I should be crying tears of joy! Not sadness!’ You argued with yourself as you tried to pull yourself together. Gripping your pants, you dig your nails into the fabric.

“How about we change the subject? Umm—” A loud rumbling echoes around everyone, making you hold your stomach.

“Sorry. I haven’t eaten a snack or something.” With the adrenaline finally settling down, you realize how tired and hungry you were.

“Do we have supplies restocked?”

“Of course (Y/N)-swan!”

“That’s good. I’ll just go get something to eat real quick.” Just as you go to sit up, Nami sits you right back down.

“Sanji can get it. You’ve walked all the way here, so Sanji can whip you up something. Right, Sanji?” The stare-down Nami gave the cook made a giggle slip past your lips. You watch Sanji run so fast to the kitchen that dust almost flies behind him.

“Okay, the rest of you, except Chopper, scram.” Nobody moved for the first 20 seconds.

“SCRAM!” Everyone begins to run in different directions until only you, Nami, Robin, and Chopper are left.

“Okay, now that they’re all gone, we can talk about more important things.”

“More important things?” Nami puts her hand on your back, and Robin continues to gently comb through your hair. You watch her look down at your stomach before looking back up at you sympathetically. 

“How are you holding up? Do you have any pain?”

“It’s okay. Not anything right now. I get migraines sometimes from the head injury and back pain, but that’s it. Just regular pregnancy things, I suppose.”

“Have you been eating properly and sleeping well? Taken a tumble or anything?”

“No. I’ve been stable on my feet. And almost all I do is eat and sleep.” Chopper lets out a sigh of relief.

“That’s good.”

“I do work out and exercise. Gotta keep myself strong, ya know?”

“We just don’t want you to overdo it. Pregnancy is no easy feat, so it's nice to hear that you're doing well.”

“How far along are you, do you know?”

“Six to seven months.” With Nami and Robin comforting you, it was easier to talk about the baby growing inside you. Yet the nagging thought in your head kept coming back.

“Do you think Luffy will let me stay a straw hat? Even after knowing that I’m pregnant?” You can hear your heartbeat in your ears as you look at Nami and Robin.

“Of course! You’ll always be a straw hat!”

“No matter what!”

“Everything will be okay (Y/N).” You put your arms over Nami and Robin and hold them close. Chopper cuddles close and hugs you as well. Tears fall from your eyes, and you never want to let them go.

“I don’t know what to do, your guys. It feels like no matter what I choose, everything is the wrong decision.”

“If I give the baby up for adoption, there's a chance Kidd will find them or the marines will use them as bait. If I were to keep them, the Marines and Kidd still would be after us. All I want is for them to grow up happy and safe. Is that really too much to ask?”

“No. Not at all. No matter what you choose, we’ll stand beside you.”

“You’ll never have to be alone again.” You see Chopper jump up from the shared hug with a look of shock and wonder in his eyes.

“Chopper? Are you okay?” Everyone split from the hug and looked at Chopper in concern.

“I felt them kick me! When we were hugging, I felt them kick me in the face!” Normally, such words wouldn’t have a positive reaction, but this seems to be a different story. Nami and Robin seemed excited, too, at Chopper's confession.

“Really?! Aw!”

“They know were talking about them.” Robin smiled and giggled softly.

“Have you thought about names?”

“Not really. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl even.”

“Well, do you have names that you planned on naming your baby with (....)? Perhaps you can name the baby after them?” It’s been a while since you’ve heard your late fiance’s name—almost to the point that you’ve forgotten it with all the chaos that surrounded your life.

Kidd didn’t know your fiance's name, or you hope he didn’t. On one hand, you somewhat liked the idea. But at the same time, it’d be a constant reminder of the love you lost. You fear you might accidentally compare the baby to a person they’ve never met. And even though the baby was innocent, the fact it’d be the offspring of the man who took everything from you, having their name felt wrong and tainted.

“They deserve to be their own person, so I don’t think I’ll give the baby (....)’s name.” You rub your stomach subconsciously.

“What if they look like him? I know it’d still be my child, but…”

“Even if the baby looks exactly like Kidd, it doesn’t mean they’ll be like him. I bet one of my tangerine trees that they’ll be the exact opposite.” A chuckle leaves your lips as the ease Nami brings seems so natural.

“I’ll take you up on that offer.” You and Nami shake hands, and the sound of the kitchen door opening lets you know the food is finally done.

“After you're done eating, I'd like to give you a checkup to see if everything's healed alright.”

“Sounds good.”

~~~

After finishing your lunch, you head up to the infirmary. When you sat on the bed, you noticed just how out of breath you were. The stairs have been getting harder and harder each day. What used to be an easy task now felt like you were being asked to climb a mountain.  

“You okay (Y/N)?” Holding a clipboard, you watch Chopper walk over to you and look at you in concern.

“Stairs are just getting a little harder, but it’ll be okay. So what's your first plan of action, doctor?” It was always so cute to see Chopper get all excited when called a doctor.

“Can I check out any wounds or scars that may have happened since we last saw each other? I’ve made scar cream that is supposed to help reduce the size and stiffness that comes with said scars.”

“Oh, okay. There’s…a lot. Just give me a second.” You begin to take off your sweater before placing it beside you. Chopper's eyes widen as he tries to focus on a single scar, but there's so much more than the last time he’s seen you. He doesn’t know where to start, but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by staring.

“Is there any place you want me to check first?”

“I don’t know if there are any on my back, so you can check there.” you feel Chopper jump on the bed and start to inspect your back. The bra you wore gave the reindeer enough space to inspect your back. While it didn’t cover the scar you hated the most, you simply hid your chest with your hand.

“Not seeing much. Just small ones anyone could have." Chopper goes and grabs your left arm to check it out. You feel his hooves put pressure on the scars before stopping at your hand.

“Did you get shocked? What happened that caused all these small scars?” The realization that you haven't shown anyone your devil fruit powers yet shoots through your mind, and a small excitement courses through your veins.

“Chopper, can you let go of my arm real quick?” Chopper cocked his head before letting go. A big smile plasters on your face before you take a deep breath.

There were sizzling and cracking echos in the room as electricity started to form along your arm and slither around your scared skin. It gave off a flickering glow as you began to accumulate it in your hand.

“Woah! I didn’t know you had devil fruit powers! Why didn't you tell us earlier?”

“I only got them during the two-year separation. I’ve worked my ass off to have control like this. I’m probably not as strong as the rest of you guys, but I think this’ll help.” All your words seemed to go in through one ear and out the other as Chopper watched the electricity form into a ball in your hands.

“I’ve never seen an electricity logia type devil fruit. I didn’t even know there was one.”

“Well, here I am, haha.” Chopper laughs alongside you before he stops. You wonder why, but you soon figure it out when you follow his eye direction. Since he asked to see your arm, you left the branding scar open for him to see. The look of horror is present on his face.

“Oh my god, how did I not see this?!” Moving around to get a better look, Chopper stands next to you on the bed. Carefully moving his hoove near your chest, he stops.

“Is it okay if I check this out?” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you nod.

“Yeah.” You feel Chopper place his hoove on the scar and watch as his eyebrows knit together.

“Unlike the other ones, this one is raised above the skin rather then indented.”

“Is that…a bad thing?”

“No. The one on your chest is a hypertrophic scar, it’s normal to scar like this on ones chest. The others are simply atrophic scars. They're all fine, but…”

“But?”

“I just can’t believe it. With this being in such a sensitive place, I can’t imagine the pain this caused.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t a fun recovery.” Tears gather in your eyes at the memory. There are a million memories you wish you could forget, and this just happened to be in your top five. Remembering Kidd’s approach with that heated metal pole speeds up your heart rate and constricts your chest. Your breath goes jagged as the tears start flowing.

“I look like a freak. Everywhere I look is a reminder of him. How can someone ever love me when all they see is a disfigured shell of a human.” You begin to cry into your hands as the room feels suffocating. Tears slip through your fingers and onto your tummy as you try to catch your breath.

“What have I done to deserve this? Everyone in my family is dead, and I don’t even have a home to go back to! My entire island was wiped out in a single afternoon, and there's only five people who survived to prove the island even existed in the first place! Why do they have to perish while I live?! What’s so great about me?!”

“What’s not great about you?” You and Chopper freeze and look at the infirmary door. There stood Luffy with a big smile on his face.

“Luffy?” Dropping your hands to your thighs, you look at him through your blurry vision.

“I was wondering where you were! But Usopp told me you were in here with Chopper and-” Luffy’s happy voice soon cuts off as he fully registers the state Kidd had reduced you to. You watch his eyes zero in on the branding before his expression darkens.

“Did he do that to you?” He points to the scar, and even though you try to sound tough, you hiccup out a ‘yes’ as you feel your body shake.

“I know it’s their Jolly Roger, but I promise I didn’t want it! Please don’t kick me out, Luffy! I—” You stop in your tracks when you feel something be placed on your head. Rubbing your eyes, you see the brim of Luffy’s straw hat in front of your face. You are at a loss for words as your heart beats in your ears.

“You're not going anywhere (Y/N). I’ll make sure he’ll never lay a hand on you ever again.”

“Cause I’m gonna kill that bastard for doing this to you.”

~~~

Sitting in his workshop, Kidd twirls a sharp scrap of metal between his fingers while looking at the wall. All the bounty posters for the straw hats are plastered on the wall, covered in holes from the number of knives and sharp scraps he’s thrown at them. Even seeing their faces makes rage course through Kidd’s veins.

His eyes zero in on the captains before he throws the metal scrap at the poster. It hilts the man on the poster right between the eyes. His poster is the most shredded. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have been taken and escaped in the first place.

It’s been six months since you left the Victoria Punk, and every second has been a waking nightmare for everyone. While their captain had always been a hothead, he’s been ten times worse ever since you left. The amount of blood on his hands could rival the devil’s—and to many, he was.

The Victoria Punk has become one of the most feared pirate ships currently sailing. When the Victoria's big jaws came into the sight of any other pirates or marines, all they could do was pray. They prayed that by some miracle, Eustass ‘Captain’ Kidd would take pity. Unfortunately, the New World was not known for its kindness, and neither was he.

There was even talk about naming him a new emperor of the sea.

While the title would help him on his path to becoming King of the Pirates, it meant nothing if he still couldn’t find you six months after the fact—couldn’t find you or his unborn child. He didn’t know how you were doing, how the pregnancy was progressing, or what the gender was. It didn’t matter much to him because, in the end, they’d make a great future ruler of the sea.

“Kidd!” Bursting open the workshop door stood the right-hand man of the Kidd pirates. He huffed and puffed, trying to regain his breath after running from across the other side of the ship.

Moving his eyes towards the man in teh doorway, Kidd responds before throwing another scrap metal at the posters.

“What is it Killer?” Walking up closer to the table, Killer slams down multiple papers and photos.

“What am I looking at?”

“I know who’s been harboring (Y/N).” Jumping from his seat, Kidd gets closer to what Killer was showing him. 

“What?! Who?!”

“After looking through enough photos and newspaper, I’ve managed to pinpoint the marine squad that’s been hiding her.”

“Well?! Spill it!”

“Marine squad G-5. It’s occupied by Vice Admiral Smoker and Captain Tashigi. How many lower rank marines are on the ship, I don’t know but it can’t be anymore then twenty.” Gritting his teeth, Kidd looks at the pictures of each crew member.

“Next marine ship we see, keep a marine alive. We’ll use them to get G-5’s location.”

“And after we find them?”

“Kill every single one of them. I want that ship to paint the sea red.”

~~~

@rebeccawinters @iggy5055 @dairygrrl @childconnoisseur @menifire1092 @nerdgeekandeverysweet-blog @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth @lovemesomefanfic846 @ryuv1i @carpinchootaku @misoxramen @pinkfoxmusic

[howitcouldgoes]

DEFO DEFO TAZ SPOILERS

So one of my favorite taz aus is what I call "the replacement au" or the "Lup Au" which is basically what if it was Taako who died or went missing and it was Magnus, Merle, and Lup working for the BOB

In which case that poses a lot of questions for each arc so lemme tell you my theories on how it would've gone

Here they be gerblins:

Lup has always had a horrible ache in her heart. She wouldn't call it depression but no matters how hard she tries to move on and forget. She has always felt something painful and missing in her heart. Like someone ripped out a huge half of it and left her with the rest. She's had this feeling all her lonely life as a single child and no matter what magic she used on herself or how many people she surrounded herself with... she couldn't escape that feeling... Magnus and Merle somehow helped though. Being the absolute dumbasses they are.

Lup finds herself flirting with barry blue jeans and disappointed he wont be joining them later-

Lup sees Taako's skeleton/corpse and takes the wizard hat and his glave(or whatever his magical weapon he made during their year of artificing was)

She feels drawn to the phoenix fire gauntlet and she teases about putting it on alot(before phandalin goes to shit), she also gives it a high five but she isnt dumb enough to put it on and understands how dangerous it is and how devestating the events that follow are

Lunar interlude one

Lucretia is baffled to see lup having taako's things on but thats not important

im gonna say Lup gets pretty similar things to taako since they are the same class(just different schools of magic)

She doesn't fuck with leon as much as taako does but she still does of course

Murder on the rock port limited:

They get on the train without charm person but of course theyre still "not who they appear to be" as merle keeps loudly insisting they kill the ticket guy

Lup respects angus but they dont get close as he does with Taako so instead Angus gets closer with Magnus though Lup does offer to teach angus some magic lessons

Smokes that crab

Pretty much all of the taako things except she might be a lil less dramatic about the drink cart

Petals to the metal

Lup and hurley are bffs dont even trip

Lup defo found Sloane attractive but backed off when she found out she was taken

also found captain captain bane attractive

a quip of "My type are hardcore nerds with those obnoxious spectacles and sexy science facts"

Lup either picks a mongoose mask or goes with a phoenix I imagine

She would threaten the guards to get into the hammerhead base at first but then switch up to help out Merle's plan - or she'd just straight up kill the last guy and hit em with the "I forgot about that"

Since theres no way to absorb the arcane core she makes it explode and it works just as well

You can assume she has taakos position in the car ride, but most likely she cannot summon Garyl and instead klaarg comes in and saves merle and later her

Red robe shows up and shes the only one who fucking remembers the director telling them about them and she is the only one to insist they dont listen to him

but they do anyway and she gets majorly suspicious

Small lunar interlude:

Fuck Lucas but not fuck him but yknow

Oh yeah the red robe? "I want to let you know I am the only one who actually remembered we should've bounced"

Crystal Kingdom

Oooh transmutation relic not her thing

She cooks tho

Lucretia? "That's such a cute ass name, I'm gonna start calling you Lucy"

can i also have a red suit

that pink thing looks like salt

Also in consensus Lucas in fact a huge asshole.

Actually answers buddy bots question/riddles within the first two minutes

Yeah ill go into the elevator world? Oh no cockroaches? Yeah Lup makes fun of merle for liking cockroaches and then kills the one he missed.

They meet N03ll3 which is great and all but what do you mean you keep picking up lich activity

Go into Lucas's room cause Lup disguises self

Ok I dont know what a lich is why do you keep harassing me

Merle loses an arm oh fuck

Also gonna kill Lucas

fine lets learn some science

oh its that red bitch again - Lup is only not running because her boys wanna hear this too and also this lich is like weirdly flirting with her

"It's... Lup, where did you get that hat?" "Oh this? I took it off of some skeleton on our first adventure." "... oh my god.. you.. you found him... you..."

Weird I just made this lich who was flirting with me upset about my dope ass hat

YEAH SHES BEEN WEARING TAAKOS WIZARD HAT THIS WHOLE ASS TIME

skipping a bit woah oil can time

woah the crystal guy is back and instead of merle being the most dangerous its Luuuuuup? Whyyyyy????

"Wait haven't I seen you before?" He asks Lup and she tilts her head. The crystal shakes his head. "Nevermind. one second-"

Guys hes calling me a lich or possessed by one what do I do

Kick ass, Not tentacling dick ew, lucas there you are - woah magnus

Oh its the grim reaper, No we are not being shipped together-

Lore

"And you, Lup. Are still dead." "... Sorry what-" "You're dead?" "Nah I still got my hit points, I mean I'm bruised and bloody but I'm still alive." "Yeah is this maybe another Lup... or...?" "No. She's a lich. She is an undead entity that must be locked away in the eternal stockade." "How about fuck that (tries to kick his ass)"

More lore

YoU ATE THE WHAT

Oh hi kravitz, can you look pass this posession if I promise to have someone free me? And if this lich leaves me so im not a vessel anymore you can come get it, trust "... I.. I cannot let a lich get out of my sight." "Bro I cannot fight you anymore." "Well, it would be more dangerous if you died but you refuse to come peacefully." "I dont think Im a lich I just think im posessed - we've done a lot of crazy shit in our adventures-" bla bla bla fine its settled

We'll debrief in a sec ig here lemme uhh. i dont have transmutation its so over , just shape the damn stone and idk someone else can do magic right?

Debriefing oh yeah the red robe was there, yeah i lowkey dont really trust you, ok fine i can settle

They dont talk about the deaths to lucy in canon but after the debriefing Lup gathers the boys up and talks to them "Hey so you know how he called me an undead evil lich. so like... lets not tell the director and merle can you like perform an exorcism or something just to see if its true?" "Uh I have detective good and evil?" "Dope." And NOTHING HAPPENS BECAUSE LUP ISNT EVIL- but merle does detect some necromantic energy radiating off her whole being but he doesnt have like a spell to fix her so theyre like lets not worry about it rn

Lunar interlude

Alright angus this is magic, cooking? Why the fuck would i teach you how to cook

Ok you got me i grew up by myself in a lonesome life as a vendor but i didnt cook or anything I just spent my whole life doing side jobs and saving people. yeah fire is my speciality but like i wouldnt recommend it for you cause its literally fire. and youre a kid.

Whered I get the glave? A skeleton from a cave. He was wearing a red robe so lowkey maybe im possessed by his spirit but like... doubt.

Eleventh hour

I believe in you ango

woah we're here

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FIGHTING THE WORMS LEAVE THEM ALONE THEYRE JUST BABIES

alright lets get this bread - bye avi - hello clay perosn. roswell? ok Wow that statue sure is red what the fuck

"This is bad.. this is a bad thing i did." Yeah I kept it.

Hi Cassidy im sure we can be besties

woah earthquake

Lets go in the inn, oh hello pretty elf lady, ok she doesnt care about me wdym you know magnus - guys wait dont make me talk to her alone

"Why do you live in a bubble?" "Lup." "WHAT?"

I wanna meet paloma fuck you guys

I will go to town on these scones, you need gold can I trade you anything else

I can hardly remember these goddamn loops so lets assume that lup and taako do alot of the same shit except she doesnt steal any of this shit -

Put him in a bubble... ok-

Hi Istus, What's this? Not a bag of holding? "This item... has the ability to bring back anyone from the dead, as long as they have been deceased for at least over a decade." "Oh this could be useful for all the guys you killed!" "Yeah!" "Well... you could save it too but... yes I suppose so?" "But only for over a decade." "Why the fuck is that so specific?" "STOP SWEARING IN FRONT OF CHRISTMAS" "ITS ISTUS"

Ok get that cup

Fuck you issak

WOAH ITS THE CUP BACKSTORY TIME; Besides the long periods of static and weirdly fuzzy childhood, Lup's biggest regret in her life? Well she didn't have anything really. She didn't put any of her skills to good use.. except once. She was performing her evocation magic for money and it got out of hand. She seriously injured an innocent person that resulted in their death. "Lup... that is your biggest regret. But it hasn't happened yet. If you claim me, we can go back and save that life. They would have never died. We can go back and save them."

thats the best i can do

Lup probably takes the longest to think this over because she cant handle the fact she murdered an innocent but Magnus's speak of "Tell me what happens if we dont do this" convinces her to stay

DONT KILL THE WORM YOU BITCHES, LISTEN TO JUNE

FREEDOM

Oh fuck its that red robe again - no we dont fucking trust you

"You don't... You don't trust me...?" He looks to Lup, and floats down to her level. Despite his occasional flattery and softness when he speaks to her, lowering himself and looking her in the eye pulls at something invisible in her heart. Something she hasn't felt in forever. "Lup...? You don't trust me?" "I don't even know you." The red robe whispers some more things and electricity flies off of him as he vanishes.

Hi Paloma oh a vision? "In your hour of greatest need, you will receive help from the forgotten one."

Ok back home - oh fuck IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER?

Lets fight? OK!

Lunar interlude

Date at the chug n squeeze? Wrong. Battle of the century. Almost.

Lup v Kravitz the two face off with Kravitz just trying to knock Lup out so he can safely transfer her into the astral plane without her dying

Lup, who doesnt think shes a lich, is just trying not to die.

They dont do this on the moon, they do this in neverwinter

IS THAT THE FUCKING RED ROBE?

As he saves you. As you're down you feel something phase through you as a red robe walks through your body and presents itself in front of Kravitz. He emits that same electricity off of his body and Kravitz looks baffled but only rifts a hole into the astral plane. "You're coming with me." As the battle is only beginning the red robe whispers to you, Lup; "Run."

PURCHASES THE RAGING FLAMING POISONING SWORD OF DOOM

Suffering game

Hey lucy, oh youre not fifty? Oh thats lowkey kind of fucked "Luckily as an elf i dont think i have to worry about that... sorry-"

Maggy where the fuck are you going

I feel like Lup would either follow magnus or magnus would defo ask Lup to help break out robi, so she does.

MAGNUS YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM-

Oh fuck get me out of here fighting these monsters

Lord artemis sterling and his bodyguards... cool.. ok

nvm lydia is hot

Ok this sucks

Lup gets the same sacrifices as Taako, so she takes the bad luck, shes fine with losing some life, hands? No Im not giving you my hand, fuck. MY APPEARENCE...? Yeah i dont care.

Chooses trust instead of forsake.

"Why should this person chose you?" "Uhh... Cause I'm hot as fuck." *applauds*

SAVES MAGNUS OFC - Oh is that the grim reaper? So Lup actually does try to save Kravitz cause lowkey she wants to be on good terms with him

Is that the red robe-

WE'RE TRUSTING HIM NOW????

her ghost looks ... weird.

Its nearly impossible to kill Edward, except when he's a lich. So. That's actually when Lup gets an idea. And she dies. Like full on explodes herself.

LICH LUP WOOOOOO

As soon as Lup is free from her body, her very very death and actually burning corpse. Everything hits her very slowly and soon all at once. So instead of killing edward immediately Lup instantly panics and starts to lose her cool... until "Lup?" She hears Barry's voice. It's not her anchor but it's enough to remind her of the situation at hand.

Lup destroys edward, so lydia destroys magnus's body

As Magnus sees Lup's liches form he isn't surprised, because he remembers when Lup sat down and told them all(?) about her and ... somebody's decision to become a lich... WAIT WHAT

Lup demands more answers from Barry and Magnus does the same, Barry is more sweet about it to Lup than Magnus

Merle is looking at Lup and Barry with upmost confusion and WHAT IS GOING ON????

To Barry's cave! Hey why is there two pods here

"So... I'm really glad actually, Lup, that you're here. And you're back... and as much as i wanna stop the end of the world to kiss you... We gotta move. We both saved what we could from our corporeal forms - mine is a bit more fresh but yours is back from the [starblaster]... so ... I actually don't know what you'll remember but youre gonna need it if we wanna get back on that moon base and confront Lucretia."

Merle can't hear anything and he is so confused, Magnus can understand this all and contiens demanding answers- before they both enter the tank, Magnus gets Lup's outfit while Merle pulls out deniem blue jeans AND WAIT BARRY AS IN BARRY BLUE JEANS?? beFORE THEY DO THIS

Lup looks to Barry and asks where Taako is. The name sounds familiar to Magnus, but his head is splitting in two before he can remember such a person. Barry can't bring himself to reply so he simply tells Lup he isn't sure but he doesn't have high hopes.

As they both go into their own tanks, Barry doesnt know anybody or anything. Lup steps out and she throws on her outfit and demands answers from magnus and merle of what happened after she died. "Am I a lich? Am I posessed? IS THAT BARRY?" And why is barry still so goddamn attractive?

Barry looks at Lup like shes the love of his life and actually starts being timid and nervous around her

Magnus tries explaining but once its all static the idea of another void fish comes to mind... PLANNING

BACK TO THE MOON BASE

heres the relic, magnus is dead, fuck you.

Oh hi angus, the truth? uhhhh i guess we can tell you oh is that zone of truth. dammit barry-

SECOND VOID FISH?

Oh my god........ my brother is dead. Taako is dead.

Hi Lucy, "I'm gonna fucking kill you now." But Barry holds Lup back as her fire wall is pathetic against her shield.

"I'm so sorry Lup but.. the pain was too unbearable. Taako.. Taako is gone. And he's not coming back."

Story and Song

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT-

As all hope seems lost after Lup remembers the other half of her heart, Barry and Lup are refusing to die because they cant be liches forever. They dont have anything to go back to-

She remembers Paloma's prophecy, and Istus's gift. It's a simple ritual - a simple spell and only thinking of her brother she casts it. And Lup almost loses it again when nothing happens.

It takes too much but Lucretia is the one who channels a spell to crush these beats in their own shield before she vanishes. ANd now we gotta do other shit yay

Lup and Barry and sent to find the ship but she can't bring herself to do so... "I... I know we're supposed to save the world and everything Barry but... but what's the point... without Taako here with us?"

Barry does what he can to comfort his fiance before he notices the sphere of black glass. "Listen.. do you remember in lucas's lab when we was going over everything?" "Ye.. yeah?" Barry takes a breath to elaborate but Lup cuts him off. "Barry you know transumtation isn't my school of magic." "I know but..." He points to the glave she's holding. "It's his."

And with that they feather fall down and give it a try.

While Barry begins to fight for his life - with the help of Lucas who joins them, Lup continuously tries and fails to open this portal. She slams her head against her own creation and curses Taako for not being here. How is she supposed to go on when Taako is gone? And she didn't even get to grieve? Or say goodbye? And why did Istus lie to her?

And then a rift in space opens. And there he is. Taako appears in his red robe without his hat or his weapon. Lup feels a hand on her shoulder suddenly as she hears her brother's voice say "Don't worry Lulu, I have magical powers." And when he touches his weapon to the sphere it's like an explosion goes off.

"Taako! Where'd you open that portal to?!" "The Astral Plane."

When Lup sees Kravitz (and he looks fucking awful.) behind him she suddenly flips out; "ARE YOU DATING THE GRIM REAPER?" "SHUT UP"

But it doesn't last long before Lup embraces Taako tightly.

TAAKO ONLY CAME BACK BECAUSE MEREL RECONNECTED WITH THE GODS BTW SO ISTUS COULDNT HOLD UP HER END OF THE DEAL UNTIL SHE WAS BACK-

OK SHIP TIME WE GET TOGETHER EVERYONE IS PISSED AT LUCRETIA BUT as theyre discussing the science behind it she suddenly offers, looking at the tres horny boys briefly that there is a third option. Thanks Paloma.

Taako stays on the plane to fight while Lup, sure she wont lose him again, kicks the hungers ass.

Epilogue, everything is pretty much the same because lup doesnt wanna run a school for magic and now that taako was apparently routing for lup in the astral plane the whole time shes off the hook

THE END YAYAYAYA

EDIT I KNOW I HAVE MORE WOOHOO:

Why does Taako die? Why does he care?

Well, Taako knew he couldn't just rely on a dance to cheer up Lup - so Taako decided he was going to do something good and destroy his sister's relic. Obviously he can resist the temptation but Cyrus Rockseeker does not. Taako blasts him with his glave(or clave or whatever) into the safe but ultimately dies.

We then we Taako wake up in the astral plane, behind the bars of the eternal stockade where a skeleton stands before him checking off a list. He says something in a cockney accent along the lines of "Finally, I've been lookin' for you."

"Crazy accent you go there Ghostrider, where am I?" "You're in the Astral Plane, Taako. Finally. You wouldn't happen to know where your others friends are? They're supposed to be locked up in here with you."

"... What-"

AND OVER THE TIME TAAKO SUCCESSFULLY FLIRTS AND SEDUCES KRAVITZ ESP POST CRYSTAL KINGDOM ARC AND THATS WHY THEYRE DATING NOW OK COOL-

[annabelle-creart]

There's more?

Much more YEY, more of the multiverse meeting because of bad weather :D

Part 1 Part 3

I did the 4 bots

Now let's make the human team (Greenes and villains not included because that's too damn much)

This time there was lighthing, but nothing came, at least at view, but from the sky and in a robotic suit, the old man, blinded by a curse, started his new plan to go back home

The name? Police Chief Charlie Burns...

And yes, this is the Charlie Burns from @gelu-the-babosa-multiversal 's miraculous ladybug au, why? Because I thought it would be funny to have a corrupt mecha police officer and the Akumatized Jhon Wick x Robocop son in the same room (joke)

Charlie, blinded by Hawk Moth's moth, became a suit of armor full of the best tech with the only objetive of make his island and family safe, but well, things happens, and he became kind of... cuckoo

Also, ref post because I know mine is not enough and I think this is really good, despite I’m not a miraculous fan

Despite the lighthing stroke at the founder's statue, everybody were at their homes to notice, except by someone, who deep in the caverns and old tunnels, explored for a way out, finding a large and tall hallway full of strange tech and almost unuseful but fascinating, but what he was about to see wouldn't be fascinating

Now the young Kade Burns was about to see what could have been

Why this Kade waked up on the tunnels and was about what could have been? Because the Heatwave he knew was the mere person who made part of the more terrible times for humans

You’ll see: this Kade Burns is a rescuer, yes, one who comes from an island in the middle of nowhere, he never met the outside world and does not have interest on it, nonetheless, despite he can consider the Heatwave of his universe a friend, he’s still conflicted about Heatwave, because this Kade comes from the universe (that is one of my faves) that I call: Hunters of the Cosmos, an au that works as what if Onyx and Quintus were the only survivors of the war against Unicron, making Predacons the only existing race and by defect, changing the curse of history. In this au, Predacons conquered Earth because Cybertron wasn’t inhabitable anymore, after many years of being only legends, they killed humans on the try and made the place their home. Now, Kade’s shenanigan will be the fact that his universe was brought as that in pain and suffering, when in this one, cybertronians almost came peacefully, it was a shock for Kade how different everything could have been. Also the fact this Kade is more responsible and serious than normal Kade, which for normal Kade is interesting but kind of boring (I LOST THE FUCKING POST THAT TALKED ABOUT THE AU)

With the sound of thunder that fell on a tree, and same with the architect, the sky only seemed to get worse and worse, he didn’t had another but to found refuge as far as possible from the forest, yes, this was strange, but he didn’t have time to think of why he was on another side of the island he got off time ago, not if he wanted to evade the storm

With that, Graham ran with all he could

Despite it sounds normal, it isn’t, this is the Graham from @oldeubagel ‘s shattered glass universe (and theres a lot of TRFB SG universes because Hasbro never gave us one)

The reference post is this one but in context and in short, Graham’s life was mostly sad and miserable, studying hard only to get out of the island as possible evading his shitty family and yes, he became rich really fast (and also drug addicted but those are details), one of the things it would be funny to explore is his relationship with the Kade from Hunters of the Cosmos and the normal Kade, most like a reconciliation that he will never had with his own brother, mostly because these Kades actually care and would never call him a traitor for leaving :v, and also mirrorshiping sound funny (I completely let all the fault on you Bagel, those draws were too good to ignore (and Graham in green looks great))

Despite thinking her end was near, it wasn’t, the only thing that disturbed her was the light and the terrible sound, it felt like if she just was throw out of the lightning itself and this storm was everything but normal, she knew these type of storms, they were usual all the time at home, she just never thought one of the lightning would reach for her, right now, Dani, flying as fast as her tiny wings let her through some drops of water on the storm, needed answers, and a place to stay the night

HAHA, we needed more fantasy Au’s, now, people, Dani, but on fairy :D, she’s not normal and almost watchable, tiny and fast (too much), at home she’s a wind fairy, and also a good racer, maybe the best athlete of all never land

And yes, those storms are normal for her, where she lives is a valley full of magic, magic that sometimes can get angry and out of control, her brother Graham knows more about it, but basically, the lightnings were so full of magic that everything was possible, even sending someone to another universe, or even changing of universe…

The kid was alone, not the first time and he wasn’t surprised, things got out of hands since he discovered he was a prime, but this was definitely the most weirdest thing possible he could ever live know, Griffin Rock was the same, but the kid he had in front was equal to him, the same, like a mirror

Cody knew something wasn’t right, well, nothing was right, he just thought he could help the people trapped in the storm… but now the trapped one was he

Cody Prime by Gelu The Babossa on your service! The kid wanted to be savior boy again but as always, ended up wrong :v, for ref story just write in Gelu’s profile: Cody is Onyx Prime’s reincarnation, and you will find everything in seconds ;)

I know this was mostly au’s from someone else but I don’t have enough au’s or ideas AND these au’s are too damn interesting to not to pay them attention

Just for your knowledge, Chase and Graham are not from the same shattered glass au, SG!Chase is mine and SG!Graham is Bagel’s

And yes, there will be more :)

But for now, bye :D

[yanpsychobitch]

Tw for the text below: r@pe, abuse, suicidal thoughts

Everyone is glad to be alive but to confess I would rather be dead. Long life in cycle of loneliness. Long nights full of kisses and compassion. At this point I no longer can tell who I am. At this point I no longer can tell what is good and what is bad. Everything merges into the color of vicious green.

Should I even stay alive? My broken lences are no secret no more. Am I even able to love? No one in this world could bring the accurate answer. Your and their eyes hold the same stare: the unforgiving judgement. Everyone sees beauty in you but the only thing I could see was an endless suffering.

Everyone is glad to be alive but when I declare my death wish the room suddenly goes quiet. Long life in a chain of pain. Long dreams about love and fame. Who will take home the broken man tonight? Who will end the broken man's sence of self and life? The only thing I was sure about that night was the smell of your strong parfume and your lips vicious green.

Your promises, sensations make me go out of my mind. Have mercy on me unforgiving oh so cruel Maria. I knew I saw something strange in the way you moved, you smiled at me. Theres no one left for me in this world except you oh my sweet Maria.

The happiness seems so far away. Way too far away when you entered my life. The way you spoke to me oh I felt so blessed until you grabbed my neck and forcefully stuck it in. You said ,,doesnt it feel just great?" while I didnt feel great at all. Repeating things again and again is just a process to love something eventually.

Can I even describe how I feel now? Will anyone even save me now? The fact I feel still alone lying next to you should speak for itself but I am just too desparate and that blind. All the things man will do for love while he can't even love himself. No one can save me now from descending into darkness, not even the strongest of your gods.

The happiness seems so far away. Way too far away when you kissed me for the first time. They way you spoke to me oh it felt so great until you actually showed me your real face. You said ,,it couldnt have been that bad" while I felt the worst in my entire life. Going on with the conversation I instantly knew I got myself trapped.

All the little things and the bigger things, the heinous and good acts we have done. Where should I run away from you when I know all the roads lead to hell? Youre trying to tell me something but I can't hear a thing and when I talk neither can you. Someone just please kill me already. The only certain thing in my life is your strong grip and the flame in your eyes vicious green.

These feelings of love and pain makes me to go insane. Be patient with me cruel oh so unmercifull Maria. You knew there was something strange about me yet you chose me to torment and laugh at my tears. The only hell and heaven for me is you oh my sadistic Maria.

The happiness seems so far away. Way too far away with the words you say. The way you held me and declared you loved me oh I felt so blessed until you crushed my sence of self. You said ,,you would be much better that way" while I already knew how much big of a failure I am. The only thing  I knew was I will never be enough if I want to become complete and one with the strong and the vicious green.

Everyone isnt so glad to be alive when I propose my wish and laugh straight to their faces. Long life of foolish dreams about love. Long nights of despising your existence. Will there ever be place for me to stay? Will there ever be person capable to love me? The only thing I was sure about was cycle of hate and violence within your embrace and your poisoned words vicious green.

The bruises and traumas are making me feel so loved. Have mercy on me cruel oh so unforgiving Maria. I knew there was something special in your ways, your fears and rules. That makes us the same and deserving of each other oh my vicious green my dear Maria.

If youre reading this sentence I love you cuz you have actually read all of that shit

[carzstarz]

oopsie this was supposed to be under a readmore

i feel this thing lately (as in a long time) where i guess it can be boiled down to "i want to be transgender one day" which its like. ive known myself to be transgender since i was 15, as in i had the feeling of "i wish i was a boy instead" since much earlier in life but didnt know about the term for it until i was 15 back in like 2011. i knew of crossdressing and had a fixation on it (i had a lot of ocs that were crossdressers, but upon learning about transgenderism i made em all trans instead) and like i sat with this idea since i was 15, this idea it would be impossible for me to transition in any meaningful way you know. i had figured i would never be able to go on hrt or get a name change or even present myself as anything beyond "that thing is a tomboy probably" so i stuck the idea of top surgery and testosterone out of my mind as completely as i could. annihilated any desire for it, feeling that would be a better solution than to be stuck with any perpetual longing for a body i cant have. and for a long time that did help get through the day i think, but after about a decade it caught up with me. as in like i am completely estranged from my family (not neccessarily by choice but its a win in an unsatisfactory way) and im faced with the reality of hrt being something i can just up and do. but it was several years of anytime i started to consider it, i was given countless reasons for why it would only worsen me, but now i dont think it would worsen me. this also means being face to face with dysphoria i had been ignoring for the better half of the last 10 years.

but transitioning became a very like, luxurious thought i couldnt afford to acknowledge. i have spent the better half of the last 10 years dealing with debilitating psychosis that tore me apart from the inside out, every moment im awake. even in my sleep i was plagued with disgusting and terrifying nightmares on top of insomnia. there wasnt any spare room in my mind to think of my gender when i hardly felt alive, barely felt human. which is something im not sure how to really talk about despite how much i do talk about my experience with schizophrenia. and also with the hard hard haaaard decline of my physical health took up the rest of my thoughts it seemed. of being in immense pain all the time, too painful to stand or walk, unable to do that unassisted. being in the tower, unable to traverse stairs. my chest pain, my struggles to get doctors in the first place and then to get them to acknowledge this chest pain that left me immobilized for the better half of a year. pain so immense i thought it would kill me, pain so immense i couldnt lift a cup to my face, couldnt sit up enough to draw or even hold my phone. pain that still lingers, and seems to come back harder the moment i feel i can try and apply for work, almost like its reminding me thats out of reach. but i dont think its forever, i think theres still hope of either lessening the pain or overcoming it. ive abandoned this post for hours ive lost my train of thought. thoughts i want to share even of it just means they arent circling inside of me. i feel very disconnected from it all, its like the world is spinning without me, and now that im on the cusp of rejoining it, it feels like i missed enough that i cant understand it anymore, but that just happens sometimes.

again this feeling of "i want to be transgender" but theres always something more pressing, like just struggling to be alive and generally alone with it. detatched from myself too, that im wondering if im the same person i was before this. before the tower, which is what i call the little blue room i stayed in between moving for several months that i was in too much pain to leave. theres just has to be something about staring at the same walls of someone elses bedroom with no way to entertain myself because the pain was too much to even sit upright in. i listened to a lot of new music which was nice, but because the music i had enjoyed sounded wrong on the crummy old tv we picked up from the dump and had very distorted speakers. and it felt weird to me to hear songs i knew in a different way. in which music was something i liked to fixate on, since silence would usually lead to me experiencing more intense delusions/ hallucinations, and so i always had to have sound playing to stave this off. but the experience of so much solitude in such extreme pain i couldnt even speak sometimes its like. i have to talk about it it waa so much of my life now but i feel like im not supposed to. even still when i get stressed at all it can make the pain worsen but its been getting less intense overtime but im still scared of the pain returning even if lesser. every now and then i try drawing again but its gonna take a long time to rebuild my skills and then theres the problem of what would i draw. i spent the last few years mostly drawing sonic-adjacent furries and it brought me joy like no other special interest, but now i mostly feel sick looking through my art of like. is this what i want to draw? do i still like it? i feel like i had my special interest ripped from me and it sucks. of these characters i held really dear to myself but then i had this messed up health crisis and now its like everything just feels bad, like this is someone elses art, someone elses favorite games, someone elses favorite characters. which like interests come and go but it felt like i didnt get a choice in this. it feels like the pain just rewired myself. the way i see myself is like i was entering some sort of chrysalis, and was about to grow into myself fully, and it took years and years of hating myself and slowly slowly learning to love myself and to show myself compassion, but then my body caved in on itself in my cocoon. and a butterfly didnt come out, it just fell to the side in all its agony and writhing, and i am the walking chrysalis. change (in the house of flies)

i had been considering going by a different name for a long time now, and now it feels like the best opportunity to use a new name since i dont feel like the same person anymore. it feels like even the anxiety was beaten out of me. or at least the isolation just made it into something else now. never felt like i was meant for the world, and it seemed like the world didnt want me in it either, and it succeeded. but maybe i can join as someone new, but i really wanted to be able to be myself in the world but i think i always knew that wasnt an option. i do think i died in some way and i am on my second chance as someone else, and i dont think i will be lucky enough to get another chance. or it all doesnt mean anything, but reaching into myself i can tell it isnt what it once was.

[talesfromeorzea]

Memories

FFxivWrite 2024 Day 6 Prompt Halcyon

*warning injury and death descriptions below cut*

As the cherry petals drifted down in the warm spring morning Ruru couldn't help but let her mind drift back to when she had been so much younger. It had been another Little Ladies Day when she had been roughly twelve summers.

She had been walking the streets of the Ruby Road exchange when a young Miqo'te kit scarecly seven summers came up to her and bowed low shyly asking, "Miss may I be your Seneshal for today?"

Ruru blinked in surprise and asked, "Why me?"

The little Miqo's face turned bright pink and he squeaked, "Cause…..your really pretty and seem nice and I just wanna be there for a lady today but all the others have seneshals already and…

She gave him a sweet smile and said, "I would welcome the company then my dear Seneshal shall we?" and with that she reached her hand out to him.

He beamed at her then took her hand on his arm and began walking with her during the festivities waiting on any preceved need she might have.

Each year after that he had sought her out and repeated the ritual. It wasn't until many years later she had learned that the Miqo'te's name was U'taln and the reason he was usually alone on Little Ladies Day was because the majority of his sisters and mother had died in a sickness that had swept through the U tribe in the forgotten springs. She had also learned how shy his was and that she was as far as anyone knew his only friend. After learning that she began to spend as much time with him as she could and he slowly grew to be more than a simple friend.

As she walked her mind played through all of those happy times both during the festivals and others. All of the wonder and excitement they had shared when they began as adventurers. The simple times around a campfire or in a tavern discussing where they were off to next. The nights curled together in either their bedrolls or inn rooms. Ruru halted as she walked as her mind unbidden then brought her to the end of those sweet days.

"Theres not that many Ru we have them lets go," he said rushing forward

"Wait Tal, we don't know that for certain….Tal!" she screamed as the first few arrows embeded into his body and then the hidden bandits charged forth intent on ending him.

Then her vision went red as she waded through the group hacking and slashing at everyone who came near. Rivuels of blood streaming down her armor as she slaughtered all of those who were attacking. Once her vision cleared there was a pile of bodies around her and silence that was broken by a gurgling breath. Whirling she dropped her blade and cradled Taln's head in her lap blood staining the corners of his mouth as he wheezed, "Sorry luv….I…thought that we could."

"Hush, I got ye," she said swiftly and began rummaging in her belt pouch searching desperately for a certain soul stone that she didn't use often but knew was there.

"I'm sorry Ru.." he wheezed again and then gave a gurgling cough

Finally her hand closed around it and immediately the aether swirled around her and gone was her sword, shield and armor instead were the red and white robes and a healers cane. The world suddenly around her also seemed to come alive more as her arcane senses heard the elementals all around.

Swiftly she called upon the life giving energies they gave the world and began channeling them into healing magics. But as hers spells hit him she knew, deep down she knew it wasn't enough but she had to try. She couldn't lose him. Tears pouring from her sky blue eyes she burned every bit of mana reserve she had trying to heal him of the wounds each moment knowing it wasn't going to save him. As his gurgling breaths finally stopped she let out a scream of anguish and still poured so much aether into each attempt but it was for naught.

"Ma'dam are you alright? Do you need help?" a kind voice mercifly cut into those painful memories and Ruru shook her head and saw an elderly Hyur looking at her concerned

"Aye, was lost in memories miss pay me no mind. Ye should go and find a Seneshal fer the festivities." she responded doing her best to give a warm smile.

"My dear Seneshal has gone to get us some drinks, what of you ma'dam have you a Seneshal to look after you this fine day?" the elder woman asked

Ruru gave another tight smile and said, "No, not any longer but its alright. I'll be fine please enjoy the festival and don't bother worryin bout me please."

The old woman gave her a reluctant nod and Ruru quickly moved on through the streets toward the Quicksand. She had quite enough of the Festival today. She'd check with Momodi and see if there was any work to be had far from the city if it was possible.

Work will keep me from dreamin bout the past. Its gone, its over no sense in re livin it over and over. she told herself though she knew full well she never wanted to forget those good times for they were what mattered.