#AND MY FINGER HURTS SO FUCKING BAD
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spilled molten blueberry jam on my finger 😐😐 doing fine actually 😐😐😐😐😐 <- me definitely not screaming
#my coworker blursed me with like 2lbs of blueberries and im like wtf am i gonna do with these 😭😭#ive already made three loaves of blueberry babka#six loaves of blueberry lemon sourdough#and am planning on making some double blueberry cookies with this homemade blueberry jam#and i still have like 1lb left 😭😭😭😭#AND MY FINGER HURTS SO FUCKING BAD#talk#text#mine#not nct#ignore.mel
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it's so damn sad that i have 500+ of you and no one gives a shit that i am curled up on the floor crying holding my old stuffed cat because it's the only thing that hasn't left me and trying not to have a full on break down and jump out a window, but you will just at the chances to correct my shitty behaviors the moment i even momentarily fuck up. suck my dick/not a threat. jesus christ
i am tired. take what i say tonight with a grain of salt. i can't type due to the fact every ounce of liquid in my body is pouring out through my eyes while i try to convince myself life is worth living.
#kairying in here#im so tired#im so exhausted#i feel like im gonna pass out but my body keeps shaking#i feel like everything i do gets criticized and im so sick of it#let me be a person. let me say shit and regret it on my own god damn terms#do not point it out yes i know what i said what fucked up but i do not care#i am angry. i am tired. i am hurt. and if i hurt you well then maybe you deserve it#because you probably hurt me#you people hurt me so damn much#not all of you#but the ones who know who they are know who they are#of course they're all pussys and have me blocked#dumb fucks#deciding to ghost me and leave me for dead after multiple exhausted work nights telling them how much they matter#bullshit. absolute bullshit. you can't care about anyone without them giving you the finger and leaving you#why do i always need to be left behind?#why am i so undesirable that everyone fucking leaves me?#fuck you. fuck all of this shit#fuck this fuck you tumblr#i give up#im done#i quit. i give up. you win. i am a bad person#i am egotistical and rude and i do not take accountability for my actions#are for you fucking happy?#are you glad that ill be dead by tomorrow? that you'll never need to see my fucking face again?#you win. congrats. you get the honor of seeing me bitch for no one to hear#im sick of this. of all of it#my friends are gone. im “too negative”. fuck that#fuck that and fuck you. go eat shit
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trying so hard to flirt with a hot girl rn and my arthritis ridden hands are cock-blocking me
#original#im using humor to cope but genuinely my right middle finger is so swollen#it hurts so fucking much#genuinely close to tears just trying to pick up my phone#i wanna curl into a ball and just sob i hate this#fuck fuck fuck it hurts so much ghh#im taking all my fucking pain meds so why is it still this bad#ive almost run out of my gigantic bottle of 1000 ibuprofen i bought 2 months ago#that's insanity. my stomach is probably dissolving itself#fuck it hurts fuck fuck fuck#..........maybe i just slice the damn finger off huh#god. i dunno. i need to hit up laika see if its got any dismemberment stories i could read#ugn
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getting back on my drawing slowly but surely ^^ here's an aleena
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sth aleena#aleena the hedgehog#sorta vent in tags but its more rambling TDLR i got injured right after the other stuff lol :sob:#just a tw for xacto knives & vomitting#I probably would have gotten back sooner but I ended up having a pretty nasty accident with an Xacto knife#design students remember your xacto safety and dont end up like me#my mom says it's probably because I was distracted with other events so I wasn't paying as much attention as i should have#you always feel like they're overreacting about safety till you end up in an accident :skull:#or well#Ive been cut before with Xactos but they weren't from cutting straight against a ruler and not realizing your finger is in the way#they were mostly because of how I'd accidentally push my finger too close to the back of the knife#and circles#“Go fast with a lot of pressure” - my design teacher's instructions on straight lines... yeah. I did that.#It's kinda crazy though cause I've gotten worse injuries but HOLY FUCK#Like yeah. Spraining my ankles hurt... burns hurt... that time my elbow just decided to be unbearably painful for no reason#that last one still confuses me cause what the hell??? anyways this time was just#an actual ridiculous amount of pain for what it was#I threw up 5 times from the pain all at once... which has only ever happened before with the elbow thing#at least this was an actual reason. unlike the elbow... which I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP AND IT WAS SEARING PAIN LIKE WHAT THE HELL????#anyways#Now that it doesnt hurt as bad it's kinda neat to look at#and think about in hindsight cause it bled a lot :sob:
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Okay um. Here’s mine for day 1 (even tho it’s the second when I’m posting this bc it’s almost 2am😭) and I’m honestly pretty proud of it ! I haven’t done an actual drawing like this in MONTHS so I think I did okay!
yeeeeah I gotta work on anatomy and hands but ‼️ I’m posting this anyway cuz I worked really hard on this and I think I’m gonna have freaking arthritis in my fingers after this
@deadbeatbug made the prompts ! 🎃
#mcsm#minecraft story mode#mcsm jesse#mcsm fanart#minecraft#fanart#art#my art#beginner artist#Halloween#mcsmtober#my fingers actually hurt so fucking bad#like i am never going to draw on my phone again.
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im ngl i think my favorite headspace to be in is "want to be annoying"
#i am also really low energy today so i cant really do my normal expressions of it#(spam messaging Everyone i want to talk to at any given moments notice; sending random pictures/asks/etc to ppl)#but i also like. love being annoying. idc how others feel about it. there's something so wonderful to me about being such a nuisance to ppl#u like that they roll their eyes when you post your random thoughts AGAIN#there's something so lovely about pushing peoples buttons (within reason)#there's something just so fun about being ANNOYING!!!!!#ugh#i think it may genuinely be impossible for anyone to make me hate myself with mean words now#i think about it a lot and ppl can be really mean and it'd make me sad ofc if people were mean to me#butalso like#every person who is mean to me for silly reasons or bc they wanna take me in bad faith; every hateful thing thats been said to me - its all#jokes. my screen name on discord in a couple different servers is nicknames over stuff thats ACTUALLY been said to me#i think weirdly fondly of the man who yelled out to me on my birthday last year “fat bitch” fromhis car not bc he's a good man (fuck him)#but bc yeah that hurt my feelings alittlein the moment - and then after i was like wait why? i AM a fat bitch! its one of my favorite thing#and every time soemone hates something abt me i just kinda learn to love it out of spite#anyway all of this is 2 sy: mutuals if u read this im holdin my finger 2cm frm your cheek going “IM NOT TOUCHING U” & giggling abt it c:
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When you’re stroking your t-dick after a long day of work and the rootbeer bottle on your desk starts looking alarmingly phallic and appealing 👀💀
#dw guys I’m not actually gonna stick glass in there… probably#I can barely fit two of my tiny fingers I know it would hurt but like.. 👀#god I need to get fucked so bad 😭#corey speaks#nsft#object insertion.
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#i got bit by my moms cat a few days back#and it got infected#and istg it hurts so fucking bad#i feel fucking awful#it was all just a stupid mistake - like the cat attacking me - it was a misunderstanding 😂#and we went to the ER and everything so i’m on antibiotics#but apparently it takes some time before that shit kicks in#i’ve already called my GP and they said it takes some more time and to call if it gets worse#so fingers crossed that this is the worst and that it will get better from now on#i don’t like the pus and grossness of this all
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My cousin was trying to complain to me about how, when she dislocated her knee and told my sister about it, my sister tried to relate by telling our cousin how she went two weeks with her knee dislocating repeatedly once - and my cousin was mad solely because she didn't believe my sister and said "it's not possible to go that long with a dislocated joint" because from her singular experience it was too painful... And I was like girly I hate to break it to you but my sister has joint hypermobility which causes joints like her knees to dislocate or subluxate stupidly easy, and yes it absolutely is possible to go that long with it and I know this because I also have joint hypermobility and have gone an entire month with my shoulder dislocating repeatedly before. Like, news flash, people with disabilities get pretty fucking used to their chronic pain sometimes. I didn't even know my shoulder was out because my back pain is such a constant that the shoulder pain blended right in. Idk I guess my point here is, not believing someone's injury because their level of pain doesn't meet your standards is bullshit in general, but especially if you don't even know if that person is disabled in some way and therefore you base their wellbeing off of your own able bodied self. Shut up.
#disability#I've dislocated and subluxated my knees shoulders elbows wrists fingers toes and ankles man#Sometimes it's very obvious very painfully quickly (like my elbows and ankles) but other times it blends in w other pain#God the elbows are the worst. I can't use my arm the rest of the day even if I get it back in#I have had dislocating joints since I was THREE and I still REMEMBER my elbow dislocating at baby church and-#-having to be rushed to the doctor because I was screaming and crying and they had to put it back in place it hurt so fucking bad#Over the years I had to learn how to do it myself so now I usually can on my own#My shoulders also rotate pretty much constantly which sets my sternum out it place too it fucking sucks#Whatever#I was mad but couldn't take it out on her bc she's 14 and ignorant but I needed to rant#If your instinct is to go “I don't believe this person because what is visible of their level of pain isn't as high as I think it should be#Then you should shut up.
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"it's better to keep it colder because you can always put on a sweater"
My fingers are so cold they're clumsy and my nose hurts. I'm going to throw you in the river
#ITS NOT FUCKING TRUE THAT YOU CAN JUST WEAR MORE CLOTHES#am i supposed to wear gloves and a ski mask indoors?!!?!#66 isnt room temp ive been cold for years every second im home#my fingers and nose HURT from always being colf#its so bad i literally DREAM about being somewhere i never have to be cold again#hoping my new roommates arent like my dad and expect somone with circulation issues and body temperature disregulation#to just be in actual pain from the cold even in the hottest days of summer#mid 60s is actually evil to keep my entire floor as
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man, I don't know if it's like. residual emotional effects from yesterday, the physical toll it took on my body, hormones or just like. a general sense of malaise. but I just kind of want to lie in bed and cry today.
I just finished a work project, which is generally call for celebration, but I just. every time I try to work on a creative project instead, I feel like everything I make is awful. every time I try to just veg and watch something, I feel like I'm wasting my time. my brain is very... scratchy today, for lack of a better word.
idk, maybe I'm just mentally exhausted. I had to put on kind of a brave and friendly face for most of yesterday, but it was a pretty awful experience. the actual migraine(?) was terrifying, especially because the experience wasn't anything like other migraines I've had, the tests were stressful and painful and I'm having quite a few physical effects today because of them. and no matter how often it happens to me, there's something so specifically demoralizing about paying several hundred dollars to go to the hospital and stay there all day just for them to say "good news! we can't find anything wrong!" like that makes you feel any better at all when something clearly is.
idk how I feel so simultaneously over and underwhelmed today.
#vent post#I'd usually go for a walk to air out my brain but uh#let's just say that my body is very unhappy about some things that happened to it yesterday#plus the overall ache that comes from tensing up for an hour for an MRI#my joints are so fragile today and it's driving me nuts#I had to hold the call button in a weird angle during the MRI and MRA yesterday and my fingers hurt like hell by the end#and this morning they just won't do fucking anything I want#and they had to give me a large dose of zofran because I have bad reactions to MRI contrast#and uhhhhh let's just say that I'm not having a great reaction to that rn either#plus after all those attempts with the IV my arms are one big bruise#I'm whining sorry but today everything feels like a lot#maybe just feeling the things I didn't have space to yesterday idk
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if your hands get dry enough they actually become self moisturizing (blood)
#ew when my fingers touch each other i can feel the inside of them and its weirdly wet and sticky#ummm do i need to tag this body horror or some shit?#plz tell if so#anyway woah my hands are fucked#dunno why maybe cuz its winter?#i should probably get vaseline...but...#boycott and all that#to clarify the first tag its because my fingers are all cut up so i can literally feel the inside flesh when they touch each other#it feels like my skin is too tight over my hands so when i stretch them its like...expanding? cracking? idk#my hands hurt so much when i put lotion on last night#is lotion inside cuts bad for you??? uhh probably honestly#once my mom told me to put mint chapstick on my wounds bcuz it was all we had and then it started burning so i read the label#it EXPLICITLY said not to put on wounds....didnt know they put that on chapsticks but oops
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Halloween costume hint:
(The stitch marker and the word that describes this colour-pattern of yarn [or fabric] are 2 more hints.)
#i make no guarantees of finishing in time for halloween tho im going thru a lot rn#i DID finish a second pair of Scream yarn socks today tho!!#i just wanted to give my fingers a little break from knitting socks but i have other halloween sock yarn i plan on working on#(november is halloween 2 for me)#but yeah i saw a sample of yarn using this type of seamless cast on (provisional cast on / circular tubular cast on) last night...#...while half asleep and was immediately like Oh. I HAVE to do that costume idea now.#i flubbed the crochet part bc the way i did it made the stitches twisted when i knitted it...#...and i had to pull out every crochet stitch one by one. lol. but at least i know for next time how i gotta crochet it to be open stitches#also i knit backwards (mirrored) so i was surprised i managed to figure out the tutorial on the first go...#...bc the person filming described their actions instead of just showing it so i only needed to listen. it makes a world of difference to me#anyway. now that i got that started i have been shaking in pain all day i gotta try n shower before it gets too late#apparently my new back xrays show that my back does have an issue. but not on the spot thats hurting lmao.#so i get to do an mri and see a back specialist ughhh. also the pharmacy is refusing to fill pain meds for me. it sucks.#AND i finally got a physical therapy appointment.... for the middle of december.... guys i injured my back and#....have been trying to get in to PT since fucking MAY. its OCTOBER.#like fuck my life man i can barely fucking walk. i can barely take care of myself. the pain had been SO bad since i recently reinjured it#so yeah i gotta try n shower before i pass out from the pain.#knitting#Cori.exe#Image.exe#fiber art#horror#halloween#also like this yarn is the closest i could get to colour accuracy that i have in my yarn bin and i only have 1 skein of it which is perfect#bc it means i get to use up probably the whole skein and it makes a difference in the amount of yarn i need to use out of my bin lol#especially bc what other use am i ever going to get out of one skein of yarn? nothing but socks take one skein.#my worst yarn habit is seeing a cool yarn and then buying just one or two skeins. like thats fine for a hat or scarf...#...but i need to learn to knit and crochet more things. id like to make a sweater at least once in my life lmao#((sweater yarn gets so expensive tho bc u need so much. and we're back to me wanting to reduce my yarn stash))#personal
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I'm probably not gonna post for the next few days because I just need a moment give my fingers a rest. So, here are some casual designs i've been doing in the background! The first two are me and my friend's Thirsty Sword Lesbian characters for an upcoming game, and the third is just a DnD character idea i've had for a while. So here's Inktober day 17, 18, and 19. Just to get back up to current!
#my art#digital art#clip studio paint#inktober#art#clip studio art#doodles#Thirsty Sword Lesbians#TTRPG.#Dungeons and Dragons#Playing games with my friends :3#I really hurt#my fingers are so fucking bad#cold weather ain't helping#Inktober 2023
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crazy that the cut on my finger took just as long as my broken leg to heal. with the recovery included. the fuck
#holy shit. like it’s closed up now but i can barely touch it without it hurting so fucking bad#obvs i damaged some nerves#my leg took 6 weeks to heal. it’s been a month and my finger JUST closed#the nerves wont be back to normal for at least a month#it’s just crazy to think abt yknow.#of course it took me months on crutches to rebuild my muscles and such#but i was out of the cast by 6 weeks#idk im so fucking high. and pondering
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Just a little life advice from me: if you've been wondering about whether or not you should develop eczema, i would recommend not doing it!
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