#AND IT EVEN MADE ME CRY WHEN THEY SAID THEY LIKED TECH FOREVER AGO

[satansxlapxcat]

Motivation. Who is she and where can I find her?

Lately, I'm not sure about you, but my timeline has blown up with content around getting your body in shape for summer.

"We're only eight weeks away from getting our bodies outside! Get that waist teeny and that ass tight!"

I mean, yes, hell yes, I want to be the baddest babe out on these Seattle lakes this summer. The thing is though, where on Earth do I find the motivation to get going balls to the walls in the gym?

Two years ago (omg - two whole years), I was in great shape. Going to the gym three times a week and watching what I ate - When I think back to that time though, a lot was different.

First off, things were only just opening back up as long as you masked up. Second, my job required almost no thought for me because it was a low level RC job at one of the big Seattle tech firms. Third, I was in a relationship where my boyfriend did most of the cooking. I didn't have many plans with friends because we were still sticking close to bubbles, I wasn't burnt out after work, and I didn't have to worry about making dinner and could come home from the gym, kiss my boyfriend hello while he was cracking into dinner, shower up, and that'd be it.

Long story short, I had more time.

At the beginning of this month, I started a new (and so far the easiest) planning ritual. I color code activities I do either on a weekly or monthly basis, plan out what days I will do what, and that's my schedule for the month. It's been great so far for everything! Everything except, you guessed it, working out.

While I do still somehow make time for the gym twice a week - barely - it's likely not on the days I've 'scheduled'. And even then, I am absolutely dragging or figuring out a way out of it.

Today for instance, I got amazing news from work (a director in my org sought me out for an open position and while my VP said she'd 'cry her eyes out' if I left my department that she'd welcome it if it meant growth in my career), so I decided that I'd skip the gym and let myself celebrate a bit. Celebration meaning having a glass of wine, poured to the brim, up on my rooftop in the chilled but sunny Seattle early evening, and reading more of a book I'm stuck into.

Why on earth would I celebrate wonderful news (being highly regarded at work - wow) by going to the gym?

Honestly, I wish I was more like my dad in this regard. His coping mechanism is going to the gym. He goes. Every. Day. That's how he deals with anything - by doing something active. If I would've grown up in his house instead of my BPD mothers maybe it'd be easier for me to dig up the motivation to go to the gym more often...

But this also isn't just a difference from my situation two years ago versus now or how I wish working out was my coping mechanism, I think deep down it's a difference in how I feel about my life.

Two years ago, sure, I had more time and a boyfriend who did wonderful things like cook dinner most nights. What I failed to let sink in at the time was that I also felt that I had lost all direction in my life and had no control over what was happening to me. Classic pandemic vibes, right?

I'd lost my (still favorite) job in the entertainment industry which was an industry I wanted to be in forever and made a career plan for, I had been unhappy in my relationship for months, and everything felt like it was crumbling around me and I'd never be on solid ground again.

Here comes the obsession with my weight... ⚠️ TW ⚠️

The only thing I could control was how I looked. What I ate and how hard I pushed myself at the gym were the only things I had absolute control over. Not my feelings (I had only just started therapy at that point), not my career (pandemic, remember?), and certainly not how my boyfriend wished I was someone I am not (maybe I'll talk about that another time).

So I went for it. I counted every calorie, only drank on Sunday's because football and even then made sure to count the liquid calories, I tracked all of my workouts and did cardio until I almost couldn't breathe - I let it consume me.

As the pounds came off, I was happy I was reaching my high school weight, my tummy was flatter, I had a thigh gap for the first time ever in my life - I felt accomplished, but in the end it didn't actually make me happy. I was still in a dead end job, still unhappy in my relationship, and still not able to see my friends the way I used to.

Honestly, I am not sure if it's a lack of motivation so much as how much I really feel like I need to make my waist smaller and my ass fatter. Certainly, no one has ever turned me down before. Do I wish I had a flatter tummy and slimmer facial features? Sure. But that's between me, societal beauty expectations, and my own inner critic.

I mean I'm not out of shape, hell I climb 160 floors on the stairmaster and kick ass in a boxing class every week, but I know that I don't want to go back to the mental place I was in to get the body I had two years ago. She was boarding on an ED with the way she would try to compete with herself to eat less calories than she was allotted that day.

I don't want to be her again, but it would be nice to find a way to get the motivation to maybe look more like her.

[80s4life]

You Take Good Care Of Her Pt.2

Word Count: 1,440

Status: Requested!

Fandom: The Expendables {1-3}

A/N: This was just a little extra spice to add to the first part.  A fluffy, happy ending for all the Lee lovers!

Relationship: Lee Christmas x Reader

Summary: When the mission goes south and leaves the reader injured, feelings arise to the surface in a swarm of feelings at the thought of losing each other, especially when the only things worth while is the other in their lives.

Warnings: mentions of blood, fluff OVERLOAD, language (We’re dealing with grown-men-children okay?)

Masterlist The Expendables Masterlist  Part One

{not my gif}

Despite his attempts, he knew he wouldn't ever be able to resist her, and for that, he didn't care what he had to go through, he was going to have her. Because she was his, and he was hers, no matter who knew.

And now we continue...

With his newfound set of mind, Lee made it his priority to say hi to Y/N every morning, smile, wave, and even engage he in conversation.  "You really are desperate aren't ya?" he thought, trying to be as gushy and nice as possible.  He was trying to be so different he wanted to gag.  Sometimes he wondered if this new act was something that Y/N would get used to and he would have to keep up this act for the rest of his life.

Y/N knew Lee was being weird.  The first thought she had was that he was sick, but now, as he openly made eye contact with her, spoke to her, even sometimes winked, she found herself thinking of the knives expert more than she thought she ever would.  He was sweet yes, but she's lying to herself if she didn't like the true Lee she knew.  Back when he was very avoidant of her, she saw who Lee truly was, but at afar.  He was snarky, mysterious, funny, British to the bone, and strong mentally and physically.

Barney saw this shit from the very beginning.  But, even as he didn't want his baby sister falling in love and being left brokenhearted, he knew the two good enough to know that they needed each other.  At one point, once he saw Lee start acting like a lovesick puppy, he started to secretly root for them, joining the ship Yin Yang and Toll had built months ago.  This didn't mean he was going to make it easy for the man either though.  They still all had a job to do and love is going to get in their way if they don't focus.

Dropping down in the forests below, the Expendables, clad in black suits, weapons to attack 5 states, and high tech gear to guide them through the thick forest.  Barney, splitting the team off to get to the best views of the town under attack, tells the group where to go while giving them all ear pieces to keep up with communication.  Gunnar, going along the outskirts where the forest meets the open town lands, squats, getting a visual on the sniper at the top tower, utterly excited to finally use his new toy: a big ass bazooka.  Toll and Yin Yang sticking together to find shelters near one another but still separated.  Barney, not wanting to leave his sister alone on a mission, appoints Lee to her, knowing the two have each other's backs while still not getting into Barney's dangerous line of sight.

As the group splits, its only natural for the foreign enemies to spot them.  With the first cry, most likely to alert the opposing team's members, made Y/N's stomach tie up in knots, always an unsettling noise to be paired with the impending war ahead.  Times like these make her go into a dangerous trance, back to the war and military she was a part of for 10 years.  Even as the images flash through her mind, she tries hard to yank them away, focusing her for the time being.

As the war raged on, the pairs of teams the Expendables once had have broken up accidentally, communication soon being cut off during the blasts and explosions, leaving Y/N alone.  She had dropped it as she was taking cover from the harsh blows.  With her ear piece gone, she had missed Yin Yang as he had pinpointed the next blast of a missile, not their own, but the rivals as they aimed in her direction.  The team screaming her name through the earpieces, not knowing if she could quite hear them.  By the time Y/N saw her attacker, she only had minimal time to run away.  Getting a great distance away, her lungs burned as he leg caught a rock.  The missile falling seconds later, far away, but not far enough to stop her from the debris crashing and colliding with her small form.

Lee had turned a corner just in time to watch the horrific event play out in his eyes.  Sprinting, he rushes to Y/N, seeing her bloodstained clothes, cuts, and bruises.  Upon his arrival, she looked at him with such fear and pain, almost as much to make her cry as the adrenaline started to run out, the sheer intensity of the pain finally settling in.  Lee held her tight, moving themselves to the closest form of shelter, plopping down, and cradling her body into his own.  She was sitting in his lap, arms weak, and head leaning on his shoulder.  She had made it out fairly lucky now that Lee had gotten a closer look, but not lucky enough for a piece of shrapnel to lodge itself within her torso.

"Your gonna be fine, I swear!  You have to be okay!  I should've never left you behind," Lee almost choked out, as tears threatened to fall.

"Lee, I'm fine.  See?  It's just this piece, if you don't touch it, it doesn't hurt, so can ya' please stop shaking me?" Y/N responded jokingly, trying to lighten the mood as she didn't want Lee to spike her anxiety even higher.  "Do you have an earpiece on you?  Please, get Barney," she asked, wanting her brother more than ever.

"Yeah...Yeah I can do that," he said as he contacted Barney, holding Y/N in an iron grip.  "I was so worried you were dead...I didn't know what I would do with myself if you had. I- I-" Lee stuttered, getting lost in her Y/E/C eyes as they peered up at him.

"You what Lee?" she asked, starting to feel a little lighter with the amount of blood dripping.

"I love you Y/N," he admitted, now fearing for her life more now that he had admitted what he's wanted to say for forever.

With this, a lazy smile appeared on Y/N's face, chuckling lightly with delight, "I love you too Lee."  He could only muster a look of utter disbelief before the rest of the gang showed up, the rest of the mission finishing out in a blur.  At some point, whilst making their way to the hangar of the plane, Y/N had dozed in and out of consciousness, seeing Lee running her away from the mission's town, seeing the plane, the shrapnel being removed by Barney's concentrated and light hands, and later, waking up in a bed, in the hospital with Lee in the chair beside her.  Both of his hands wrapped around her tiny one.

He wakes up once he felt the bed move slightly, Y/N stretching her long worn out body.  Lee bounces out of the chair immediately, asking her if she needs anything, "The only thing I need is this British guy to sit next to me and play with my hair," Y/N responds playfully, Lee smirking as he takes off his boots, keeping his socks, and laying beside Y/N on the hospital bed, both dozing off together.

Click

A quick, almost blinding light flashes once as snickers and mumbling was heard in the direction of the hospital room door.  With the pair now fully awake, and possibly more afraid than they were when Y/N was attacked, they both make eye contact with the res of the Expendables watching the pair, Barney front and center.

"Look, I-" Lee had started, trying to come up with an excuse for how they ended up like this, but ultimately coming up empty and out of excuses.

"No, ya' gonna listen to me.  You take good care of her, ya' hear me?  I'm gonna bust ya' balls if ya' don't, alright?" Barney answered defensively.  "You have my blessing, but ya' better not fuck it up.  I'm warning ya'," he continues, motioning for the team to give them privacy, Toll wiggling his eyebrows before he walks out.

Y/N, falling into a fit of laughter, moves to lay on her back, unable to flip on the right from where the stitches from the shrapnel were placed.  She looks up at Lee, him blocking her from the edge of the right side, her falling in the blissful feeling of love.

"I'm gonna be walking on eggshells for awhile I guess..." he glances at Y/N before continuing, "but I know it's worth it."

With this, Y/N cups Lee's right cheek, pulling him down lightly to capture his lips with her own, sealing the bond they've spent forever building.  Knowing that wherever, whenever, they are always a team, and are always going to be better as long as they are together.

[grasslandgirl]

FALLING for you

It was an accident. Really. Katja was tall, and she’d always been more comfortable on horseback than on her own feet. So when a root sticking out of the ground caught on her boot while she was walking home from school with Ostentatia; it was an inevitability that Katja would trip. And take Ostentatia down with her. And somehow, through a feat of physics Katja didn’t understand, ended up sprawled on her back with Ostentatia on top of her- their faces mere inches apart.

Katja stared. Ostentatia stared back. Katja didn’t think about how she could smell Ostentatia’s strawberry lip gloss, the Love Spell perfume she reapplied at lunch, the oregano hair rinse her Nonna made her use every weekend. Ostentatia blinked down at Katja. Katja was sure she was bright red and probably smelled like the stables (the bad stables smell, like dirt and sweat and poop- not the good stables smell of fresh hay and Cinnamon’s special cinnamon-scented mane conditioner). 

Ostentatia sat up, rolling off of Katja and sitting down on the grass beside her. Katja closed her eyes for a moment, staying sprawled out on her back. Her stomach was one big knot and she could still feel Ostentatia watching her. Her knee was right next to Katja’s ribs, and if either of them moved even an inch, they would be touching. Katja opened her eyes again, looking up at the blue sky through the branches of the tree above her.

She sat up. Ostentatia was still staring at her, mouth pursed up tiny and determined. 

"I- I'm sorry-" Katja started to say.

Ostentatia shoved her hand out towards Katja's face, holding one finger in front of her face to silence her. "Don't say you're sorry." Ostentatia commanded, and Katja's mouth snapped shut. She tried very hard not to think about how close Ostentatia's hand was to her mouth. She tried not to think about how close Ostentatia’s mouth had been to hers a minute ago. This is just how Ostentatia, Katja told herself, she's loud and she's pushy and she goes into my personal space because she cares about me- like a friend. That's it. "Don't apologize to me," Ostentatia continued, scowling up at Katja. "You did not to anything wrong."

"But I-"

"No!" Ostentatia interrupted again, "I need to tell you something! And I'm going to say it!"   

Katja nodded, mute with worry. Ostentatia stood, unspeaking. Her eyes bored holes into Katja. Her jaw trembled, even as she glared, and Katja worried for a second that Ostentatia was about to cry.

Ostentatia crying was the third worst thing Katja could think of, after Cinnamon dying or her Dad being upset. Katja very pointedly did not think about the connecting factor between those three things. If Ostentatia started crying, than Katja was going to start crying too, and then Ostentatia would be upset she'd made Katja cry, and then Penny would appear out of nowhere- she had a weird sixth sense ability to tell whenever one of them was crying- and the weird moment would be broken.

Katja didn't think about how pretty Ostentatia still managed to look- even when she cried. Tears streaming down her face in clean lines, eyes sparkling even as she glared at someone or something, nose turning bright red. Katja always ended up with a lot of snot over her face, and that wasn't a good look for anyone but Cinnamon (who looked beautiful always and forever no matter the circumstances).

Katja wondered what was so important or so bad that Ostentatia couldn't bring herself to say it aloud- even to her. There were only a few things that Ostentatia struggled to say (that was one of the things Katja lo- liked the most about her; how Ostentatia wasn't ever afraid to say what she thought)- not like Katja, who still felt the most comfortable talking to Cinnamon.

"I'm going to say it." Ostentatia repeated, but it sounded more like she was saying it to herself this time, not to Katja. Her finger was still an inch away from Katja's lips. Katja still wasn't thinking about it. Ostentatia had really pretty hands, too: perfect nails with real gems on them, she and her mom had a regular appointment to get them done together every month. One time, Ostentatia invited Katja to go with them, but Katja didn't end up going- it's hard to set up horse tack with inch-long acrylics. (Even if Ostentatia said her nail tech could totally do a horse design if Katja wanted. Even though Ostentatia had taken Katja's hand in her own and told her she had nice nail beds. Even though Ostentatia's hands had been warm and gentle on hers.) Katja blinked. Ostentatia was scowling.

Back before they were The Maidens, back before they were friends, Katja had thought that Ostentatia's scowl was the scariest thing in the world (after the thought of Cinnamon getting hurt or dying, of course). But, Katja realized with a little bit of pride, she knew Ostentatia well enough now to know this wasn't her pissed-off-at-You scowl, this was her pissed-off-at-Me scowl.

"I'm gonna say it," Ostentatia said for the third time, almost murmuring it. Her perfectly-manicured eyebrows were low over her eyes, jaw set and determined.

"I love you," Ostentatia whispered.

Katja's heart fell out of her chest.

Ostentatia wasn't one who was afraid of telling people she loved them- she did it often, loudly, and with pride. But this was different. This wasn't how Ostentatia said it to the other maidens, or even how Katja had overheard her say it to her family. This was quiet, an intention behind the words that Katja was terrified to put a name to. 

Ostentatia huffed, blowing a small strand of hair out of her face. "I mean like- whatever, I love you. Like. Eugh-" she finally took her hand away from Katja's face, gesturing with both of her arms wildly- "Like love you, okay! Like, Zelda and her weirdo boyfriend, like Danielle and Antiope, like Sam and that fucking bitch Aelwyn. Like- like you. Okay??" Ostentatia's voice rose in pitch and volume as she talked, but behind all her bravado, Katja saw something she'd never seen in Ostentatia before- uncertainty.

Oh.

"Oh." She breathed, and like she was waiting for any response from Katja, Ostentatia froze- arms hanging in the air, mid-gesture.

"Oh?" Ostentatia echoed. Her voice was angry, but her eyes were still uncertain, even- afraid.

"I, uh, like- love you too." Katja mumbled. She'd read a lot of the romance-centric books in the Babysitter's Horse series (even written some stories of her own for some of them, but that wasn't here or there-) but nothing Katja had ever read could have prepared her for how hard it was to say it aloud. "Uh, I didn't know that- but you just- and I don't know how to. Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Uh. Did you want to-" Katja racked her brain for something cool or romantic to say. (In most of the Babysitter's Horse books, they went and got hay from the same trough together- or even sugar cubes in some of the later, teen editions- but Katja didn't think Ostentatia would want to do that.) "Get ice cream? From Basrars? With me? Just me- not the other girls? Or, I mean, if you wanted to invite them too we can if you want to, but I thought maybe we could-"

"Yes." Ostentatia was twisting one of her rings around her finger- a nervous tic- but she was smiling up at Katja. She had a really pretty smile, and it made something go mushy and warm in Katja's stomach to realize that it was her that was making Ostentatia smile like that. "Yes. Basrar's. A date."

"Oh. Okay. Cool." A date. 

"Okay," Ostentatia said definitively. She took Katja's hand in her own- warm, with callouses on her palm and cool metal rings on her fingers. "Let's go." Ostentatia tugged Katja to her feet. 

“Ostentatia?” Katja hated how her voice wavered, hated how even in this wonderful, important moment, she still shook with uncertainty. She turned, raised an imperious eyebrow; but there was still that warm smile on her mouth, her hand around Katja’s- and that was enough to bolster Katja’s courage. “I wanted to kiss you. Earlier. When we-” Katja felt like her face was on fire- “and also. Before then. A lot. So.” She grimaced, looking down at Ostentatia’s warm hand still tight around hers. “Sorry, I’m not good at this.”

“Katja.” Ostentatia took a step closer. Katja could see her pristine Fantasy Uggs in the grass. “Look at me.” How was Katja supposed to ignore that? She did, tugging her gaze away from their interwoven fingers. Ostentatia’s smile was a blinding, burning thing, spread across her face. Katja had heard her talk about her god’s Holy Forge before- how it had burned impossibly hot for centuries, how no mere mortal could look upon it without Logran’s blessing or their face would get burned off- Katja thought that’s what Ostentatia’s smile looked like. So beautiful she was scared she would go blind from the force of it. “You’re good at this. You’re good at a lot of stuff. Don’t shit talk my girlfriend like that.”

“Girlfriend-?” Katja squeaked. 

“Yeah.” 

“Okay.” 

“And for the record? I thought about kissing you, too.” Ostentatia tipped her head, huffing as though she’d just won an argument. Katja beamed. “So there. Can we go get ice cream and make out now?”

“Ye- yeah. Yes. Let’s go.” Katja held Ostentatia’s hand the whole way to Basrar’s- and she didn’t trip once.

[britishassistant]

I wonder what the supervillains (the dorm leaders) would do if they get switched with their other self in Twisted Wonderland.

They'll meet a younger Yuu calls them senpai and probably get shivers when they hear someone shout Prefect but then realize its Yuu's role in that world.

Bonus would be if Yuuken's there too, sharing the dorm with Yuu.

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

I decided to take a little inspo from my Villainous Paranoiac series for this one! Not a whole lot, but the idea of Twisted Wonderland Yuu being put in the infirmary after the events of Chapter Five!

(Also consider it non-canon, since it kinda involves everyone’s identities being exposed!)

Basically imagine that the supervillains find themselves in what looks like a private school infirmary, late at night. The air is buzzing with a strange energy, almost like the powers back in their home world, but...different, somehow.

The room nearly empty, save for one occupant in a cot close to the door.

Poison Queen and King immediately begin bickering over whose fault this mess is, while Royal Flush tries to get them to keep their voices down or else they’ll be detected. Charon is half a minute from going to curl up in a corner, clutching his freeze ray like a lifeline, while Octo Dealer and Snake Charmer are busy inspecting their surroundings for anything of value or that can be requisitioned into a weapon on short notice.

Tsunotaro has wandered over to inspect the sole other living being in the room with them.

He is pleasantly surprised to see what looks like a younger version of the reporter he’s so fond of, fast asleep in the infirmary cot. Their cheeks still retain the last bit of baby fat from childhood, and there’s some acne left that will fade with age. He may give one cheek a gentle poke, just to satisfy his curiosity. The sleepy mumble they let out is a little more high pitched than normal, but that’s the reporter’s voice alright.

He is less pleased to see dark circles under their eyes, or the bandages around their throat that stink of medicinal salves. If this truly is a younger version of his child of man, then why do they look so worried, even in sleep? Why are they injured and sleeping in this place of healing in the first place? They’re a mere child, barely old enough to operate a vehicle or live alone. Their only worries should be trivial things, not whatever is causing this furrow in their brow and hunch in their shoulders.

The other supervillains have begun to migrate over to where Tsunotaro is crouching in silent contemplation. King flips his eyepatch up to get a better look, whistling lowly. Octo Dealer busies himself with refilling their water glass, sneaking glances at them as he places it within easy reach. Snake Charmer pulls their pillow more under their head from where it’s almost slipped off. Poison Queen straightens the arrangement of the very tasteful bouquet on the bedside table, so the flowers’ best angle is shown to the bed’s occupant. Royal Flush carefully tucks their covers in over them.

Charon takes a picture with his tablet.

He forgot to turn off his flash.

Yuu cracks their eyes open...

To see seven adults looming over their bed in masks that resemble the ink from the overblots that haunt the Prefect’s nightmares.

Cue terrified screaming.

Snake Charmer lunges forward instinctively to cover Yuu’s mouth—

It’s only thanks to Poison Queen yanking him back that he doesn’t end up with an arrow in the shoulder.

Several more follow the first one through the window above the prefect’s cot, cold iron sharp and perfectly aimed to seriously maim if the supervillains don’t immediately get away from the screaming teenager. Rook was lax in protecting the Trickster after VDC ended, assuming there was no more danger after Roi du Poison’s overblot was saved. He will not make that mistake again.

The infirmary doors burst open, a younger Yuuken in a sleep-rumpled uniform barging in from where he decided to sleep outside because Ramshackle felt too empty and quiet to bear, but was forbidden from staying in the infirmary himself. He only has a pillow, but he brandishes it at the strange adults, fully willing to defend his dorm mate in whatever way he can.

The vanguard appears in a flurry of bats though, too many to fight off, small and vicious and furious. Their commander materializes in the center if the swarm, hovering over the head of Yuu’s cot, pink eyes brimming with a cold rage that makes his small and cute form look like it’s bursting at the seams holding something much older and angrier back. He opens his mouth, fangs long and glistening—

Only to stop short at the sight of one of the supervillains. “Malleus? Malleus Draconia?”

Tsunotaro nods warily.

“Wh-What in Twisted Wonderland are you wearing??”

Tsunotaro ducks his head like a chastened child. “I could say the same thing.” He mutters sullenly.

From there the lights get turned on, and the seven supervillains are made to explain themselves to the sleep-deprived students and staff who trickle in to see what’s going on. All six dorm leaders and one vice dorm leader vanished from their beds, setting everyone on high alert until news of these...alternate versions spread.

It is very weird for the supervillains to see all their minions as teenagers (again in some cases). It is only surpassed by how weird it is for everyone else to see their dorm heads and vice head all grown up and adult, even if they are dressed weird.

Ortho still wants to shoot them with a beam until they bring back his nii-san. Luckily Charon is able to convince him that Idia should be fine if he’s in Charon’s lair—he’s got plenty of the latest games, manga and tech for him to play with, so that should keep him occupied for a while.

Sebek is in a state of Malleus awe. He has shut down and will not restart. Silver has taken to pinching himself just to make sure this isn’t a Lilia’s cooking induced fever dream, while Lilia himself scolds Tsunotaro that he raised him better than to go around watching people sleep like that! Tsunotaro tries to use the “but I’m a supervillain” excuse, only for Lilia to shoot back “and I’m a war criminal in some nations, what’s your point?”

King is enjoying watching the overgrown lizard get scolded. Now if only the tiny Ruggie would stop asking him what injury the eyepatch is for, and making remarks about how embarrassing it would be if it were totally pointless—King does not pay his adult self so much to put up with this shit. The baby Jack also needs to stop demanding to know if his adult minion self can pull a sled faster than a moose or something...

Jade and Floyd are attempting to wind up the adult Octo Dealer, trying to see how much they can get away with compared with the normal Azul. Octo Dealer is legitimately at a loss as to how this world’s Azul doesn’t keep them in line without letting them turn to a crime or two. Then he learns about Azul’s contract business and feels a pang of commiseration and understanding.

Poison Queen, Royal Flush, and Snake Charmer are unpleasantly shocked when their dorms address them by their respective secret identities in front of their fellow supervillains out of the blue.

Poison Queen has to put up with King’s uncontrolled laughter as he finally understands the full extent of the incident with White Neige so long ago, while Tsunotaro tries to tell him he liked Schoenheit in his role as the evil dragon prince in the GaoGao dramatization. Royal Flush is about two seconds away from throttling Octo Dealer if the bastard doesn’t stop trying to make a deal to guarantee his mother doesn’t learn about her son’s private activities. Snake Charmer’s just glad his civilian identity flies under the radar enough that Charon has to try and look him up to understand who he is (and fails because he’s not on school wifi and his cellular data is bust).

Poison Queen is also getting a headache from Rook rhapsodizing about how his villain form is another, enhanced mode of beauty he is fortunate to lay eyes upon, as if he hadn’t been willing to skewer Poison Queen along with the rest of the supervillains five minutes ago. He’s at least able to amuse himself by letting Epel run away with his speculations about how he’s the buff hyper-masculine muscle for Poison Queen.

Kalim is crying that Jamil had to resort to becoming a villain in his home world! He must be so sad if he has to do that! He’s mildly cheered up when Snake Charmer tells him they work together on schemes, and that Snake Charmer is actually reasonably happy with his chosen vocation—and then he begins panicking that Jamil will like that world so much, he won’t want to come back.

Royal Flush is glad his counterpart at least has good people around to look after him, even if it is odd to have young versions of Trey and Cater trying to mother hen him despite the fact that he’s the older one now. At least Ace and Deuce acting up seems more fitting now considering their age than it ever did on their adult selves.

Ace huffs a sigh and leans on Yuu’s shoulder. “This is a mess, huh Prefect?”

“You said it.” Yuu replies. “I just wanna sleep forever.”

The supervillains go still.

“I’m sorry,” Snake Charmer says carefully. “But isn’t Enma-san the Prefect?”

“No?” Yuuken replies, confused. “Yuu’s the prefect of Ramshackle Dorm. I’m their vice— or would be, if we had any other students apart from them, me, and Grim.”

Octo Dealer laughs, sounding slightly strained. “Ah, apologies, but you see, that isn’t possible. It can’t be. Yuu isn’t—”

“But I am the prefect, Azul-senpai.” Yuu the Prefect says. “I’ve–I’ve always been the prefect.”

There’s a stunned silence.

Royal Flush places his head in his hands. “What the fuck.”

Back in the Supervillain AU universe, Yuu the Reporter sneezes sharply while trying to wrangle five frightened teenagers, one frightened-but-playing-tough twenty year old, and one confused however-old-he-is-but-younger-than-Tsunotaro fae.

They wonder what the chill down their spine is.

[navalcriminalimagines]

Taken & Found - 1

Request 1: Hey there! I'd really like to see a comforting Gibbs after the reader was kidnapped?

Request 2: Could ya do something with the reader being kidnapped and tortured in captivity for a long time and after she was rescued and came back Gibbs tries to get her to talk about what happened to her so he can figure out how to help/comfort her?

Request 3: May I request something with Gibbs and scared reader? Maybe they’re like trapped somewhere or she’s going under for a surgery? You can decide reader’s fate!

This is a two-part fic. This part is basically full angst, focused on Gibbs and the comforting, healing focus on Reader will come in the second part. I wanted to separate both.

Pairing: Gibbs x Reader

TW: angst, kidnapping, mention of suicide, depression, slight alcoholism

Words count: 3k

Tags: @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @madamsnape921 @specialagentastra @ncisfan @zetasaturno99

She was supposed to be thirty-five years old today.

And it was one of those very rare days Gibbs didn’t want to get out of bed.

He spent the night working on his boat in the basement, thinking about what his life would be if anything had happened. But he would never know, would he? No matter how bad he wished Shannon and Kelly weren’t dead, how bad he wished you were here with him… all of this happened. And he found himself alone in his basement.

Well, not entirely alone. He had a bottle of bourbon to keep him company, and Fraser, an old black labrador. Your old black lab. Your furry baby, as you used to say.

You rescued it when it was just a puppy, a couple of years before you joined NCIS. So, Gibbs has always known you with this loving thing. At some point, you would even take him to the office and Fraser’s favorite spot was under Gibbs’s desk.

Gibbs never wanted to get attached to the dog. Fraser wasn’t his, it was yours and he respected that. But somehow, you both made your way to his heart.

But only Fraser was still here.

Taking a sip of bourbon directly out of the bottle, his eyes landed on your pet, curled up in the armchair Gibbs put here years ago after you made a remark. “You know, you should put something down here. An armchair or something for people who visit.” You said, while caressing the wood with your fingertips. God did he wish he was the boat at this very moment.

“People who visit never stick around.” He answered, sternly.

“I stick around,” you grinned.

Indeed, you did stick around. A lot. Probably too much.

Would’ve saved him the heartbreak if you didn’t.

A week later, an armchair was down his basement.

With the bottle still in his hand, Gibbs sat next to Fraser and started to toy the blankie. Well, technically, it was not a blankie. It was a tee-shirt. One of yours. The one you left at his house, two years ago.

The top, representing one of your favorite bands, was destroyed now. Fraser chewed it, curled against it nonstop for two years, it was now just some cotton with dog’s hair on it. It didn’t have your smell anymore, it had Fraser’s, but Gibbs never had the strength to take it away from the dog to wash it.

He never had the strength to do much after you disappeared.

When it was clear to the team that you had been taken, kidnapped, abducted or whatever, Gibbs searched for you for weeks, probably mouths. He still does, to be honest, just not 24/7 anymore.

The first weeks, he asked - or actually, ordered - Abby to take care of Fraser. Gibbs was spending all of his time away, looking for you, he couldn’t take care of someone - well, a living thing. The lab tech happily obliged, but Fraser’s health quickly deteriorated. The dog wasn’t eating, or drinking. All he did was lay on the floor, waiting for his mum to come back.

“What, Abby? I don’t—“ not a welcoming way to answer the phone but she didn’t hold it against him.

“I know you’re busy, Gibbs, but I’m taking Fraser to the vet. He’s not okay at all.”

Abby heard her boss taking a deep breath. “Which vet? I’ll be here as soon as I can.”

The dog was clearly letting himself die. Without you, he didn’t see the point of living and Gibbs understood that. If he told anyone what he did after he got Fraser from the vet, they would think he was crazy. Maybe he was, but he didn’t care at this point. He didn’t care about anything, anymore.

Fraser was depressed and there was nothing the vet could do about it. So, they let Gibbs take him home.

And he took him home. His real home; your apartment. Fraser immediately lay on your bed and cried. “You’re reading my mind, Fra.” Gibbs muttered to himself, while preparing a bowl for the pet.

Gibbs had been in your room a few times, but he never paid attention to your stuff. All his attention was on you and your body when it happened. But as he was sitting on the floor, his back against your bed, he allowed himself to take a look around. It was very much you. Minimalist with your touch. He saw your guitar, your messy wardrobe, candles and some Polaroid pictures of people you love. Gibbs never paid attention to those pictures until this moment and one grabbed his attention.

A picture of him. You could see him from afar, aiming to throw a ball. He remembered that night but he never knew you took a picture.

Ziva had invited him to throw a few balls on a baseball field. It was a nice summer night and they had just saved many people from getting blown up. It was also the first night you kissed him. In his basement, you teased him like you always did and ended up with your lips on his. He wasn’t ready for it at that moment, and when he realised what had happened, you were already gone.

Gibbs held the picture in his hand and before sitting back exactly where he was, he went to the kitchen, grabbed what he had prepared and came back.

Fraser was still laying on your bed, his face on your pillow. Gibbs carried him in his arms, the labrador didn’t even fight back or anything. He put him in front of the bowl and Gibbs sat across. “You wanna die, Fra, huh?” The dog looked at him with horrifying sadness in his eyes. “You and me both, buddy. So let’s do this.”

Gibbs put the picture next to the bowl and grabbed his gun and the bottle of whiskey. “I know you know that salmon. Eat it, choke, and when you take your last breath, I’ll pull the trigger.” He said, pressing the gun against his temple.

Fraser is deadly allergic to salmon. When he was a few months old, you fed him some and the reaction was almost instantaneous. Luckily, you took him to the vet right on time for them to save him. “Salmon is banned from the house.” you said on the ride home.

The dog didn’t move one bit. With his face still resting on the floor, he kept looking at the man. Gibbs swore he saw tears in the damn dog’s eyes. “So? Whatcha waiting for? Eat it. It’s good salmon, trust me.” He said, drinking the brown liquor.

If Fraser could talk, he would’ve told him; ‘I may let myself die, but you’re damn crazy.’ Which would’ve been fair.

Gibbs was going crazy. It was the last straw. The last punch in the guts he could take. He had reached his limit.

He was finally letting himself love again and get loved in return. And someone took that away from him. All over again.

He got it, the universe hates him for some reasons. Why would he keep pushing it then?

Gibbs stayed up all night, drinking and waiting for Fraser to eat the fish and die. So he could pull the trigger and end this once and for all.

But Fra never did. Instead, around 5am, the dog went to grab something from the bathroom and put it on Gibbs’ lap. It was one of his hoodies. A hoodie you stole from him. Gibbs buried his nose in it and he could smell you. For the first time in many years, he let himself cry. He cried like a fucking baby, under the watch of your fucking dog.

At some point, he felt that Fraser was trying to nudge his nose in the hoodie too. “We’ll find her, Fra. We have to.”

If Gibbs had killed himself, along with Fraser, it would’ve meant you were gone forever. Because eventually, people would’ve stopped looking for you. They would’ve stopped thinking about you and just pretended you’re dead.

But Gibbs knew you weren’t dead. He knew it deep inside him. Because if you were dead, Fraser would’ve eaten the salmon and he would’ve pulled the trigger.

Laying in his bed, Gibbs turned on his side and found himself face to face with Fraser. The dog was sleeping and snoring. That’s what he does most of his time. Fra was still depressed, but he didn’t let himself die anymore. He eats and drinks the bare minimum. He doesn’t play anymore though. He used to be a happy, playful and loving dog. Now he’s just laying around, waiting for you to come back.

Just like Gibbs.

They both lost weight. Gibbs didn’t even bother to look at himself in the mirror anymore. He hadn’t been to the hairdresser in a while. His hair was longer than it has never been, and his beard was prominent now. You would probably freak out if you saw him like this. You would order him to shave and get his marine haircut back. You would feed him - and Fraser - until they are full. He just wished you were here.

He reached for Fraser’s head and pet him for a moment. “The boat is done and I can’t even offer it to her.” He sadly whispered. It’s been his plan a long time before you were gone. Building a boat after and for you. Now it was your thirty-fifth birthday, the boat was fucking done but he coudn’t teach you how to operate it like he promised.

For the next two weeks, Gibbs would stay in the basement, and stare at the finished product. There was nothing left to do on it, so he just sat behind the wheel, files on his lap and bourdon in one hand. His use of alcohol has never been higher than it is now. You’d scold him if you knew.

Maybe he’s self-destructing, hoping you’d show up and make everything right again. It was stupid, since you didn’t leave on your own. You were taken. Someone took you, and god knows what they were doing to you. This awoke a rage he never knew he had. He’d kill that - or those - person with his bare hands if he ever has a chance.

A month after your birthday, Gibbs was basically falling asleep in his boat, relatively drunk. Fraser was on his lap - he doesn’t realise he’s not a puppy anymore - when the dog shot his head up. “Easy, that’s just Fornell.” Gibbs mumbled, recognizing his friend’s footsteps.

“My two favorite depressed boys.” Tobias greeted them. He gently patted Fraser’s head and looked at his friend. “I need you to sober up, Gibbs. We need to talk about something important.”

“Just say whatever you have to say. I’m not that drunk.”

“Yeah, right.” Tobias grabbed the bottle from Gibbs’s hand and checked how empty it was. But Tobias knew only one thing would make him react, so he went straight to the point. “It’s about Y/N, Gibbs. Get your ass—“

Before the FBI agent could finish his sentence, Gibbs had practically thrown Fraser away. The poor dog looked at him with hurt in his eyes. It was only then that Gibbs saw the file his friend was holding against his chest. He didn’t think twice and tore it out of his grip. Tobias let him.

There wasn’t much in the file, just a picture.

A picture of you.

You looked different, thinner, your hair was shorter and in a completely different color. You looked like a homeless woman.

Gibbs’s jaw dropped. His head was spinning so fast, he needed to sit again. He touched the picture with his fingertips so softly, hoping it was like touching you. A lot of things were going through his mind at this moment, he actually drew a blank. “It was taken two days ago. In Wyoming.”

Gibbs didn’t need more.

Tobias had everything planned before he showed up at Gibbs’s place. One of the FBI private planes was waiting for them, in order to take them off to Wyoming. He had asked Emily if she could dogsit Fraser for a few days, and he even called Vance to let him know he was taking Gibbs with him.

In the plane, he told Gibbs how he came across this picture and all of the info he had, which wasn’t much to be honest. As far as they knew, you were in one city of Wyoming two days ago. Maybe you were gone by now.

But all Gibbs could focus on was that picture. He didn’t take his eyes off it since he opened the file. This was you. You were alive. Whatever happened, whatever the reasons you found yourself here, you were fucking alive.

Tobias looked at his friend. He’ll spend the rest of his life pretending he didn’t see the tear rolling down his cheek. “How you feeling?” He tentatively asked.

“I—I don’t know. It’s a lot.”

“She’s alive. We know it. We’ll find her.”

“I’ve always known she was alive.”

No doubt he did.

It was hard for Tobias to tame Gibbs after they landed. The agent was already barking orders at everybody and anybody, he was ready to organize a fucking manhunt to find you. But the first place they went was where the picture was taken. Gibbs spent hours in the area, while Tobias went to see the local cops. When he tried to check on Gibbs, the man never answered.

In the picture, you were looking at the surveillance camera. You knew you were being watched. You did it on purpose, Gibbs was sure of it. You must have left a clue somewhere around.

You looked scared, someone must have been following you. But he knew from what Tobias said; there wasn’t much more on the video. You were briefly seen and then disappeared, again. “Talk to me, Y/N.” Gibbs thought to himself while looking around.

It was only around noon that it hit him. He finally saw it.

Right there on the graffiti wall.

“Born to lose, live to win.”

Your handwriting. This sentence. Your tattoo.

You must have written this to let him know he should look at this wall. So he did. He studied those graffitis for a long moment, until he saw what he needed to see.

Numbers. GPS coordinates.

He called McGee, not paying attention to the missed calls he had. He gave him the coordinates and Tim gave him an address.

Was that it? The nightmare was finally over? He would go to this address, find you and take you home. Finally.

Fucking finally.

He felt dizzy while running to the address. It wasn’t that far away, and there was no way he’d wait for Fornell or a cab. So, he jogged to this fucking house. When he was standing in front of it, his heart was beating so fast, he thought it would stop.

But he couldn’t die now. He would die after he found you but not now.

He didn’t care about procedures or anything. He grabbed his gun, and let himself in the house by knocking out the door. A man was sitting there, on the couch.

The house was pure filth. The man seemed to be a bit younger than him, and he looked like a psychopath. Which he is, considering he took you.

The man was standing in his living room, his hands up as Gibbs pointed the gun at him. In a flash, Gibbs was standing right in front of the man, the gun pressed against his throat. The man looked scared, he didn’t even try to fight. “What the hell, man? Who are you? What do—“

“Shut your mouth. Where is she?” Gibbs asked, suppressing the urge to beat the man to death right now. That would come later. He needed to find you first.

“Who? There’s no—“

Gibbs’s knee hit him right in his crotch and that bastard fell on the floor. “You’re living the final hour of your life, you better tell me where the hell is Y/N, before I watch life leaving your fucking eyes.”

“I—I—“

Seeing his hesitation, Gibbs punched him. “Where?!” He yelled, but the man stayed silent. “Fine.”

Gibbs grabbed the guy by his collar to put him back up. He was physically impressive, but the adrenaline running through Gibbs’s veins gave him incredible strength. He threw him on the first chair he saw and immediately cuffed him to it. He punched him once more, harder this time.

His nose and lips were bloody, but of course it wasn’t enough. Gibbs fought a lot in his life. To defend himself or to arrest someone, but never, had he been filled with that much rage and anger. He didn’t think twice before his boot hit the man directly in his face, knocking him unconscious. He stared as the man fell on the floor along with the chair he was cuffed to.

He needed to find you. Right now.

No need to be a federal agent to know a psychopath would hold you captive somewhere private.

So he immediately looked for a basement, which he quickly found and he saw the door.

A reinforced door with quite a few locks. Keys. He needed keys that he found in the man’s pocket. Although he was still laying on the floor, fighting to regain consciousness, Gibbs kicked him again, in the stomach this time. He wasn’t holding back his strength one bit. He will kill him anyway.

As he was unlocking the door, his hands were shaking like they never did before. His heart was still pounding in his chest. He still felt dizzy.

He was sure his heart actually stopped when he spotted you on the one-person bed. You were holding your knees against your chest. It was dark, but it was you. You were there, a few feet in front of him. He didn’t even know what to do.

But you did.

When you realised who was standing in front of you, you weakly jumped off the bed and rushed into his arms.

The only thing that kept you alive all this time; knowing that he would find you.

You felt even smaller than you already were. With your arms wrapped around his waist, your face buried in his chest, Gibbs felt you crying.

He slowly wrapped his arms around you, afraid it wasn’t real. Afraid he may hurt you. Afraid you would disappear again. “You found me.” he heard you whispering.

That he did.

[redrobin-detective]

To light a candle is to cast a shadow

Dannymay Day 9: Candlelight

________________________

TW: Major Character Death

Danny had never been to a funeral before. Never in a million years would he have imagined this one would be his first. He was surrounded by his classmates and teachers and friends. His parents were sniffling quietly off to the while Jazz was a little more open with her grief. He felt so much, like he was a balloon ready to burst that he’d circled back to numbness. All he could do was stare at the gentle flickers of the candles people were holding. And like a candle, Danny was acutely aware of how quickly a life could be snuffed out.

“Danny, pay attention, it’s rude to space out at a place like this,” Tucker whispered in his ear. Danny squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of his best friend’s voice.

“Sorry, I,” he whispered back, “this is harder than I thought it’d be.” Sam looked over her shoulder at them. She looked worse than he’d ever her, greasy hair pulled back in a low tail, eyes sallow and not a trace of gothic makeup. It would have smudged with the tears anyway. She was wearing black as always but this time out of grim necessity. If it was hard for him he can only imagine how she was feeling right now. 

“Poor Sam,” Tucker huffed. “We should go stand by her, let her know she’s not alone.”

“Yeah just, let’s give it a minute,” Danny said quietly back. “This has been a lot, how are you feeling, Tuck?” 

“Oh you know,” Tucker chuckled, moving around to Danny’s other side. “Larger than life.” Danny bit his lip and looked down at the candle held in his shaking hands. He could see ice creeping up the sides, it would go out entirely if he didn’t keep it under control. He’d already let one light go out due to his negligence. 

“Not now,” was all Danny could say. He kept his eyes low so he didn’t have to confront his friend’s green skin and glowing red eyes. 

“Oh so only the half ghost can make dead jokes?” Tucker said with an audible eyeroll. He floated back around to Danny’s front but he could still see through the ghost to Mr. Lancer giving a weeping statement. “Come on, lighten up. It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.”

“Tuck please,” Danny pleaded, a sad keening sound that sounded pathetic to his ears. He saw Star turn to look at him and offer a sad, sympathetic smile before turning back to the speech. “Please, just, can this wait until after the vigil?”

“You don’t have to be sad, dude, it’s not like I’m really gone,” Tucker chuckled. “It doesn’t even hurt. I mean it did, alot, for a second there but then it was over with. Easy. Just think of it as Team Phantom upgraded one of its members!”

“It’s not the same,” Danny frowned, “it’s not, things aren’t going to be the same.”

“And why not?” Tuck said with an eerie edge to his voice. “Danny is the same as Phantom, why can’t it be the same for me?” He grinned and his teeth had sharp edges. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous of me again? Afraid I’ll have better, cooler powers as a full ghost?”

“Tuck, you’re dead,” Danny stressed quietly, almost choking on the words he never wanted to say. “You were so brave and so stupid and tried to hack into the school’s PA system while Technus was inside and it... electrocuted you to death.”

“Haha yeah, we really are bros in everything, we even died the same way.” Tucker laughed, watching as Sam was discreetly wiping at her eyes. “Whatever happened to Techy? Things got kinda fuzzy there for a while.”

“Technus is gone,” Danny deadpanned. “When I found you, when I smelled that mix of ozone and cooked flesh I sort of lost it.” He’ll never get that god awful smell out of his mind. He remembered it from his own accident and smelling it again, paired with his best friend’s corpse and Technus’s idiotic ranting in his head. The next thing he remembered was Sam screaming over Tucker’s body and his hands covered in ectoplasm. Technus’ ectosignature had been entirely obliterated. 

“Oh hardcore, shoulda done the scary eyes when you said it. It would’ve had more of an impact.” Tucker turned to him with his beaming red eyes, so close yet slightly off from his normal looks. “Hey that means there’s an opening for a technology ghost around these parts. I gotta think of a name, someway to combine Tech and Tuck. I’ll think of it, I mean I have the rest of eternity.”

“Are you sure you want to stay?” Danny asked seriously, finally looking his dead friend in the eye. He was a new ghost, barely had an ectosignature and wouldn’t for at least another few months. Danny was the only one here who could see the ghost haunting his own candlelight vigil. A boy, a friend, gone far too soon. “You could move on, find your peace. Haunting Amity Park forever hardly sounds like a dream come true, I’ve only done it a year and I’m sick of it.”

“Peace? I’m 15, Danny. Peace was never an option.” Tucker lounged until his was floating on his back. He passed through Mikey and Kwan both of whom shivered at the contact. He playfully batted at Sam’s ponytail and she stiffened, like she was doing everything to hold back tears. Sam might not be able to see him but she knew Tuck almost as well as Danny did, knew what a prankster he was. Or at least they had known him. Now Danny doesn’t know quite who or what he’s looking at. 

“I’ll hang around with you guys until my core’s stronger then I can pick up some of the ghost butt kicking slack. Amity will have two awesome ghostly superheroes. Or at least until you get bored or old or whatever. Then it’ll just be me, Techer.” He made a face, “oh god that’s awful, forget that one.”

Danny almost smiled, despite everything because with Tuck in front of him chatting as usual, he’d almost forgotten. For a second, the smell and the charred, contracted limbs and Mr and Mrs. Foley’s wailing when they heard the news almost seemed like a far away nightmare. Then Tuck floated forward and clapped his hand around  the flame on Danny’s candle, snuffing it out.

“The wax was about to drip onto your hand, you’re welcome, dude,” Tuck preened with his sharpened teeth and glowing aura. “I already got this hero thing down pat.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Danny said wanly. Mrs. Foley got up now and was talking about what a good, considerate son she had. How she was going to miss him every day. Tucker watched her speak with a polite, distant face like she was talking about some character in a story written long ago. He was here, he remembered but there was a palpable disconnect between the Tuck of old and his ghost. Danny wondered how long it would be before his friend was gone entirely, consumed by amnesia and obsession.

“Ugh Danny,” Tuck huffed, crossing his arms petulantly. “Can you cut it out with the waterworks? I’m right here after all.” But he wasn’t, not really. What was in front of him was an echo. Tuck was here but not all of him came along for the ride. The rest, the part that Danny had cherished and relied on for most of his life, was at the morgue ready to be buried in the morning. Closed casket obviously. 

Yeah, his friend was still here but death had changed him, like it had changed Danny. And he was going to see a constant reminder of his friend’s death in his face every day until one of them decided to move on. Moments would pass and feel like normal only for him to realize that something vital had been lost. Like a candle casting a shadow, lacking all the warmth and life of the real thing. 

[deaconusdelirium]

Fight your demons

Requested: “what if the reader slipped in and out of what happened and what’s not. Like, switch Crosshair out with the reader, after they get their chip removed, she’s just really scared about hurting the Batch and especially Omega, maybe she just has a mental breakdown and then that’s when everyone notices how much you’ve lost yourself. I’ve also noticed you have more Crosshair lovers than the other, so go ahead and do Crosshair. Soft! Please🥰”

Oh man, that definitely hits the feels

———

You ran, ran far, Gerreras soldiers weren’t cut off, and they sure went going to get back to him. “Commander. We caught a few of Gerreras men, six to be exact” you stopped, making the other Elites as well. You held a fist up, “Fall back, we’ve got what we need” “but the orders were to eliminate all of Gerreras troops” the guy who thought of himself higher than the group spoke up, throwing an attitude already, the others looked at him. They knew he said something, “oh?” You turned, facing him, “I’m the commander here, you take orders from me. And I say we fall back, let those two go, they’ll tell Gerrera we’re here. He’ll send out more of his soldiers. Then we’ll strike, got it?” You explained, walking closer as he backed off, “yes, commander” he nodded, standing straight again as you took off towards the Regs who had the hostages.

They weren’t far, but that didn’t mean you could walk. By the time you got there, there was eight of them, “we caught two sneaking around” you hummed, walking up to the soldiers, “let’s make this easy and short. Where’s Gerrera?” “like we’ll tell you” one of the guys spat, “oh I’ll make you, starting with her” you pointed at one of the ladies, the Elite grabbed her. Forcing her to her knees. “Talk” the soldiers looked at her worryingly, “don’t! Tell her, I’ll be fine” the woman spoke, “let her go” “talk and then maybe I will” they all glared at you, the Elites stood behind them, just in case they got any ideas. They seemed to talk to each other, you watched as they exchanged words between them “We lay our life down for Gerrera, we’re not telling you anything” their heads held up high with pride.

“Fine, kill her” the Elite that was holding her, shot her, making Gerreras squad yell and try to break free. “Last chance, all of you” you warned, wasting time on people who weren’t worth it. “Didn’t you hear the first time? Or can’t you get anything through that helmet of yours? We’re not saying anything.” The supposed leader spoke for them all. You leaned over to the ‘executioner’ as he always did as told. “Kill them all, leave the one at the end alive” you said, he gave a swift nod. Telling the others as the guy at the end flinched as his teammates fell, the sound of leaves crunched under your boots as you walked up to him. Kneeling down to meet his eye level, “you’re chosen for a reason, now, I promise not to hurt you if you tell me, where Gerrera is” he shook, looking at you. “He left, but his caravan..” he finally spoke. “Uh huh” “they’re the vulnerable ones, down the road, just before you caught us” you stood up, walking away, “thank you for your cooperation, your no longer needed” you shot him, making the troopers around look at you.

“You said you wouldn’t hurt him if he told you the truth!” The woman slightly raised her voice at you, “and he’s lying, we have scanners all over this planet, more than one. If someone was disobeying orders to help Gerrera, we would still have others to tell us if a ship has left or not. And they’re has been no word on that, however. The caravans most likely here, I’d say far off considering we have troops a few clicks out and we would have found them by now. We have no use of a liar with us” they listened, you were right. If someone did betray the Empire, then there were still others loyal, and they would immediately alert you. They watched as you walked off, coming to your side again. “Find them” you told others as they got into squads and set out.

The caravan wasn’t hard to find either, it seemed like they didn’t know that you were there. Now you watched as they quivered by their ship, holding each other. One of the Elites spoke against your orders, “we signed up to be soldiers, not an execution squad” he spoke, the others unsure if they should follow the man, “you know why they put me in charge?” You asked, he turned to face you, the other Elites stepping back, knowing he was done for “it’s because I’m willing to do what needs to be done” you shot him as the others backed up again, looking at you. “Good soldiers follow orders, finish the mission” you told the others as they walked closer to the civilians. You watched as they complied with your orders, feeling a bit of pride grow for your squad since they almost stopped questioning your ways.

—

You woke up, gasping as tears had already made their way down your face in your sleep. The image played like it was moments ago, but it seemed like forever, you touched the side of your head. The feeling of the small scar there told you that the chip wasn’t there anymore. You felt like you were trying to breath, your eyes watered again. As you heard Hunter run in while a sleepy Omega jogging after him, her eyes widen as she seen you. “Y/n, Y/n are you ok? What’s wrong?” Hunter came to kneel at the edge of your bed, his hand touched your arms as you pulled away, “don’t...” pulling away from his grasp. “Y/n?” Omega called out, walking towards you, her hands held out to grab yours. “I said don’t, go away” Omega looked at Hunter worryingly, he nodded to her, she walked out feeling sad. “Y/n, what happened, is everything alright?” Hunter asked, his voice gentle as to not make you anymore upset. “I.. I don’t want to talk about it” you held your knees up to your chest as you spoke through your arms. He understood, standing up and walking out the door “I’ll be here if you need me” he said before leaving.

You wiped your tears with the end of your blanket, regaining your breath as you calmed yourself. “Problem?” Crosshair asked, leaning against your doorframe with his arms crossed, he was the only person you didn’t want to show tears around, considering he was more intimidating than Wrecker and Echo. “No” you answered shortly, sitting there as the thought of innocent people were gone. “I know you’re lying,” he spoke, coming to sit at the end of your bed, “I’m listening” he said it like he does it all the time. I mean, he did, he mostly listened to Tech rant about things he didn’t understand. And he liked listening to him, he didn’t mind at all. You didn’t answer, but he seen as you came to touch your head again. Oh, he knew now.

“You’re worried?” He questioned, hoping to at least get a short answer from you. He didn’t sound upset or moody like he usually was, you scoffed, “more like scared... and worried. I pushed Omega and Hunter away- but I was just so.. scared I’d hurt her. I remember it like it was just today, those innocent people” he was surprised at how easily you pried open. “Those children, just like Omega. They died at my hands, I did it without hesitation. I knew what I was doing yet, I didn’t. It felt like I couldn’t control myself. It seemed right, but now, now it’s wrong” did being under the influence of the chip take that much of a toll on you? Was it like that for all clones? He nodded, “I didn’t mean it, it just..” tears fell as you cried, “it hurts to even think I did that. I would never have done that” you wiped them away, Crosshair felt like he needed to do something.. anything.

“It’s not your fault. It’s the chip” he spoke, trying to reassure you. “And that chip, ugh it still feels like its there and” you cut off as you rubbed the scar. “I just want to be my old self again, one who wasn’t being used by everyone to get what they didn’t want to do, done. I hated it, I hated every second of staying with those Elites, and having to see Rampart almost all the time when I reported back to Kamino” it sounded awful, it must have been too. “I just wish I could forget about it” you confessed, finally feeling like you were able to breath after getting that all off of your chest. And he didn’t judge, he didn’t say anything rude like he always did. You silently cried to yourself, Crosshair didn’t say anything for awhile. You felt like you made him uncomfortable, “sorry, I just..” you apologized, wiping your tears away as embarrassment replaced your self pity.

He didn’t know what to say, it sounded like nothing could be done to help you. So he did the one thing he could think of, he turned and pulled you into his arms. Unsure if he was hugging too soft or too tight, he didn’t even know if hugging too soft was a thing. “Cross, you don’t have too” “shh, just.. relax” you smiled weakly at his attempt to sooth you, and you did relax. His warm embrace felt comforting, something you’ve never felt before. Maybe it was because you’ve never been held or hugged, or maybe because you just tried and needed someone to listen after all you’ve been through. He stayed like that for a long time, he felt the occasional hiccup of you trying not to cry again, he moved away, and so did you. You watched as he stood up, then came to lay down. He pulled the covers over him as he made you lay down. He wrapped his arms around you, but what if this was too far for him?

You laid there, still, not wanting to step over his boundaries. You grew tired, finally putting a hand on his side, making him tense up, but soon relax under your touch. He gently squeezed you, making you slowly come closer until you were holding onto him. “Cross?” You asked, whispering to him while facing his chest. “Hmm?” He was curious to know what you had in mind again, “tell.. tell me this is real?” You hesitantly spoke, grabbing his shirt and holding as much as you could of him in your grasp. “It is.. why?” He waited for your answer, “I’ve had dreams like this, when I was back on Kamino with the Empire. Where one of you held me, mostly you. I missed you guys terribly, then I realized it was always a dream” his cheeks grew warm and his heart broke at the thought of you missing them.

They didn’t mean to leave you all the time, but they had too. “You’re back with us now, don’t worry” he said, tangling his legs with yours and holding you closer. The sound of his heartbeat was new, you actually felt it, and his breathing was something to add onto. It matched yours, or did yours match his? It got late, and you still couldn’t sleep, what if your chip instincts came into play without you even knowing, and then you hurt one of them. Crosshair seemed to be sleeping, but you weren’t sure as you kept tossing and turning every minute, “Y/n, what is it now?” He asked, finding you far away from him when the side you were sleeping on was empty. “I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you... sorry” “there’s no need to apologize, come on” he pulled your arm, making you lay beside him again.

It felt a little better, but not enough to make you sleep. He took note of it, “it’s not there anymore if you’re wondering” he knew you were worried about to chip, so his hand came up to softly rub your temple with a feather like touch. It seems to make you sleep, considering you weren’t moving and your heartbeat slowed to a gentle pace, and your breathing was shallow. Was this all it took to make you sleep? His question was answered as you snuggled into him again, it may have been new to him too. But he had already loved this new found form of touch and reassurance. He only wished he could take away your darkest memories and never have you think of them again, but if this helped you sleep at night knowing someone was finally there, then he would be there every night to fight your demons.

———

Wow. I like this one, although... lemme know if you clones want it softer cause I feel like it’s not soft enough...

[ficsnooneaskedfor]

Call the Twi'lek Midwife

Chapter 30: Light and Darkness

Word count: 3k

Series rating: M

Chapter summary: Citali continues her dream conversation with her mother. Ahsoka and the clones break into the facility, experiencing strange feelings, both good and bad as they do.

TW: None that I can think of.

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"I just want them home safe with Tech, Omega, Melita, Marina and..." Citali paused, almost feeling selfish to admit it. "And me." Her mother cradled Citali in her arms, rocking her back and forth. "I'm afraid of how much it will hurt if I lose them." She was still crying but the pain in her soul was slowly starting to subside as she felt her mother holding her. It mattered not to her that this was a dream.

Her mother looked at her with empathy. "Sooner or later, we all must say goodbye to those we love. Pain and grief are as much a part of life as joy and love. Like rain and sunshine. Not that it makes it any easier."

It was a lesson that life had tried to teach Citali long ago. A lesson she hadn't fully accepted until she'd performed the war ritual. Citali stopped crying and dried her tears, feeling cleansed. "It's not only that I fear the pain of losing them. I want them to live out their lives in peace. To choose their own paths for once. Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo had a taste of freedom, and I'm afraid it's going to be taken from them now."

"Oh my sweet girl," her mother said. "They will choose their own path. As will your other friends," A strange bird with a long tail let out a call and started circling above them. It seemed like a great light radiated from within it that Citali could feel but not see. "But peace," her mother said as she gazed longingly at the bird with her piercing blue eyes before looking at Citali again. "That I'm afraid will be more difficult to grasp. Not just for them, but for you as well. There is a darkness that has fallen over the entire galaxy. I know you've sensed it, like a faint whisper in the distance."

Her mother was right. Ever since the day the war ended, a time that should have brought her joy and hope for a better future, there was a vague feeling of doom that seemed to follow Citali wherever she went. It was always there in the back of her mind, even during the happiest of moments, as if barely hidden by a sheer curtain. It was impossible to explain but she knew her mother understood. The rise of the Empire and the massacre of the Jedi had made her uneasy, no matter the justifications for it. Her mother and father told her stories as a child of the Jedi and their extraordinary powers. Citali used to imagine what it would be like to be a Jedi: to go on grand adventures around the galaxy, to explore new worlds, to have the rare powers they possessed, and use them to help people. It wasn't until the Clone War began that she had begun to see the contradictions of the Jedi Order. They may have dedicated their lives to "peace and justice" yet that didn't stop them from allowing the Republic to force the clones (who had no rights, freedom, or even pay) to fight the Republic's war. Even so, Citali did enjoy listening to Echo's stories about the individual Jedi he'd known during the war. There were many he spoke of. Most often he told her about Jedi by the names of Shaak Ti, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Ahsoka Tano, but she felt a particular fondness for one called Anakin Skywalker. He had helped rescue Echo from Skako Minor, and she would be forever grateful to him for it. They sounded so good and noble, it hurt her heart to know they were all gone. Even before Echo shared these stories and told her about Order 66 and the inhibitor chips, she had a hard time believing that the Jedi Order (despite all its faults) would have betrayed the Republic in the way Emperor Palpatine said they did.

She remembered watching the Emperor's speech on the HoloNews when the war ended and the Jedi Order was accused of treason. Citali felt nauseated watching him, and it had nothing to do with his newly disfigured face. Citali felt it again now on top of this unknown mountain and she looked to the horizon to see unnatural-looking clouds as black as obsidian, growing larger and getting closer. A strange bolt of lightning struck a tall tree and it caught fire, the flames quickly spreading to surrounding ones. Citali wanted to stop the storm. She knew the loss and destruction it would cause, that it had already caused as it swept across the land, but she didn't have the power to stop such an evil force. That was a role for someone else, not her. But surely there must be something she could do to help, however small.

"What can I do Mom?" Citali asked like a small child in need of guidance.

"You're already doing it, sweetheart," her mother said smiling. "Healing people. There is power in what you do, you will come to understand it in time. You are not a general, or a queen, or a Jedi, but that does not mean your role in the great story of the universe is any less significant. And while this mission is perilous and difficult, the journey for Echo and his brothers does not end here." Her mother spoke with such sincerity that Citali wanted to believe her, but she reminded herself this was just a dream. A vivid, terrifying yet comforting dream, but all of this was in her mind.

"They too have a part to play, as does Omega, Tech, Melita, Marina, even Cid." Her mother put her hands on Citali's cheeks wiping away her lingering tears, smiling at her the way a mother does looking at their newborn child for the first time. Like Citali was the most precious thing in the universe to her. "And you...my brave, kindhearted, wonderful daughter...will help them all discover what that is. Just as they will help you find yours."

Even with the ropes and pulleys Ahsoka had set up for them over the past few days, this climb was going to be dangerous. Wrecker was fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist nervously, trying to distract himself from his fear by wondering what Melita and the baby were doing right now. Were they sleeping peacefully? Was Melita sick with worry about him and the others? Was Marina missing him? Wrecker had been a part of her life every day since her birth, did her infant mind think he was gone forever? It had only been two days and he already missed them dearly. Tech, Citali, and Omega too. He just hoped that Crosshair was still alive and all of this wouldn't be in vain.

Everyone put on their harnesses as Ahsoka tested the lines one final time. There was a darkness coming from deep within this mountain Ahsoka could sense that filled her with dread. She'd felt it ever since she arrived on Wayland, the feeling getting stronger the closer she was to the mountain. Touching it was almost unbearable. She kept her feelings to herself. The others were filled with enough fear and doubt, she didn't need to add to their dismay.

"Alright fellas," Rex said as everyone was staring up the mountain. "It's not gonna get any shorter by staring at it."

Ahsoka lead the way as she'd scaled the mountain three times already and found a relatively safe route. Before Gregor followed behind her, he turned to the others and said, "Just remember if you fall, don't scream." He laughed involuntarily but everyone knew it wasn't a joke.

They began their trek single file with Wrecker at the very bottom, wanting to keep his feet on the ground until the last possible second. All were in an almost meditative state as they climbed, wondering what fate had in store for them when they reached their destination. They got into a rhythm of climbing for fifteen minutes and resting for five. Hours passed like this as Ahsoka and the men grew tired despite their breaks. Whenever she could, Ahsoka used the Force to levitate the men one by one up the mountain, trying to move the process along and help them conserve their energy. As much as she wanted to hoist them all the way up, she too need to conserve her energy and such a feat would drain her. At one point Gregor lost his footing and fell colliding into Rex, then Rex into Hunter. Ahsoka noticed them falling and used the Force to catch them before they took down Echo and Wrecker below them. They all rested a bit longer than usual after this incident, drinking water and eating some of the food Citali and Melita had packed for them, hoping to increase their stamina. Gregor offered some bits of salted meat to Ahsoka, who accepted it gratefully. She hadn't had much to eat since arriving on Wayland.

They all had thoughts of giving up, feeling again like this might have been a mistake but as they rested, gentle feelings of love and hope seemed to wash over them as if coming from very far away. Like ripples from a stone dropped in a lake, creating a big splash at first then fanning out. It gave them strength and courage as they focused on it. The odd feeling wouldn't have been noticeable to the clones if they were not already deep in thought. Ahsoka was the only one that was accustomed to such feelings. Even she found comfort in it though it puzzled her. It was a connection through the Force unlike any she'd felt before: faint and unfocused yet powerful in its simplicity. The darkness in the mountain still unsettled her but this new presence, despite its softness, helped her not to dwell on it. Echo recognized it immediately when he felt it. It was the calming, warm feeling he experienced with Citali. He had felt it when she'd touched his hand in her garden the first time they all visited her house, when they danced at the harvest festival, when he bore his soul to her and she accepted him. He felt it every time he held her, when he heard her sing, when he made her laugh. Echo thought it was simply him being hopelessly in love and missing her, his mind trying to help him cope with the difficult task ahead of him. When they began their climb again, Echo focused on his goal of rescuing Crosshair as the feeling remained ever-present. When he rested he succumbed to it, envisioning Citali's beautiful smile as he embraced her when he returned home.

It took nearly half the night before they arrived near the entrance to the facility. Everyone took a look from the ledge surveying the situation as they recuperated. Wrecker was beyond grateful the climb was now over. Between fear and physical exertion, this was probably the most difficult thing he had ever done, but it would be worth it if they got Crosshair out of there. Bright lights shined on a large landing platform with dozens of ships. The platform was mostly devoid of troopers save a few on patrol duty. Rex informed Wolffe that they had reached the entrance and to be ready.

"So what's the plan from here Commander?" Hunter asked still catching his breath.

Ahsoka looked up as she heard Morai's call and smiled at her as she circled high above them. "When we enter the facility, I'll lead us to the lift that goes to the lab. Use deadly force only if absolutely necessary. We need to keep things quiet. Though most of the scientists and troopers will be off duty, there'll still be plenty at work. Once inside, Echo will hack into an Imperial computer, disable the cannons on the platform, and trigger a drill that will divert most of the troopers on duty to one area of the facility. They do random drills all the time so this won't be out of the ordinary. It should temporarily clear our path. Mostly. When we reach the laboratory entrance, stun the guards. We'll need to do this quickly or a lockdown will be triggered. From there...we'll have to make it up as we go."

Ahsoka lifted her hood over her head as everyone took one more look to make sure the coast was clear and got up on the landing platform. They split into two groups: Ahsoka, Gregor, and Wrecker in one, Rex, Hunter, and Echo in the other. They crouched down low and hid behind the ships on the landing platform when there were soldiers nearby, inching their way to the door. There were two troopers guarding the door but as Clone Troopers and Stormtroopers now usually wore the same armor design, it was hard to tell which the guards were. Ahsoka gave Rex the sign to pause. The young Togruta closed her eyes and stretched out her hand, causing a small crane on the platform to collapse onto a ship and the two guards ran to investigate. Once the path was clear everyone ran into the facility.

Inside was bright and eerily quiet, similar to Kamino before its destruction. Ahsoka lead them down corridors and through doors, having memorized much of the facility's layout from the information Wolffe had provided, as well as her own recon. Hunter sensed a security droid heading their way and redirected them before they were spotted. They found a computer near the lift as Echo made his scomp link appear through the wrist of his cybernetic arm, and inserted it into the socket. The others stood guard above him and Ahsoka, blasters ready. Echo was temporarily overwhelmed by the massive amounts of data entering his mind. It had been a long time since he'd done this and it took a few moments to get acclimated to the sensation again. His eyes moved as if he was reading words on a page. In a way, he was reading just not with his eyes. He looked through files and protocols, his mind and the implant on the back of his head working together to analyze massive amounts of information every second. He disabled the cannons before finding what he was looking for.

"Commander Tano," Echo said quietly in the modulated voice from his helmet. "What type of drill do you want me to trigger exactly?"

"An air raid drill, protocol number 2," she said as everyone but Rex and Gregor looked at her like she'd lost her mind. Even with their helmets on, she could tell that's what they were thinking.

"Forgive me Commander," Hunter said skeptically. "But won't that bring more troopers inside the facility?"

Ahsoka shook her head. "You would think that, but whatever is in this mountain is very valuable to the Empire. The troopers on duty go to the landing platform and the facility's entrance when this type of drill occurs. If there was ever an actual attack here, the Empire's priority is keeping this facility secure. Not protecting the lives of soldiers," she said with a hint of sadness.

Echo, Hunter, and Wrecker still had their doubts, and Rex could tell. "Brothers, we must trust her judgment," Rex said as Ahsoka gave him a small smile.

Echo put his hand on Citali's handprint and envisioned her in his mind. Just thinking about her brought him tranquility and peace. He did as instructed and triggered the drill as an alarm went off throughout the facility and an automated voice came over the intercom system, announcing the drill. They all hid in a utility closet very cramped together, Wrecker lifting Ahsoka up over his shoulder with her permission to make more room, as dozens of troopers ran to exit the facility. When all appeared clear Ahsoka and the men ran onto the lift and went down into the mountain, to the lowest level of the facility. The lower they went, the stronger the evil presence became and Ahsoka had to work hard to keep her mind clear. Though she could no longer sense the comforting feeling she'd felt during her climb, she tried to focus on the memory of it. It was enough.

When the lift stopped everyone's heart began to race with adrenaline. They walked slowly through a long corridor with Ahsoka and Rex leading the way, before turning down another corridor and opening a door. When the door opened what appeared to be three scientists stood in front of them, looking puzzled. Before they could react, Rex, Hunter, and Gregor quickly stunned them. Echo opened a closet door as Rex, Ahsoka, and Gregor removed their comm devices and code cylinders. They had Echo but the code cylinders could potentially come in handy. Wrecker picked up all three and tossed them into the closest. There was no way for them to get out when they came to.

This feels far too easy Hunter thought to himself. He was imagining how close his brother was behind these walls and doors. Almost together again after all this time, yet he couldn't help feeling like it was foolish to hope it would be so simple. They still had no idea what lay waiting for them inside the lab or if Crosshair was even still alive. They continued on until Ahsoka singled they were nearly there. They all stopped at the intersection of two corridors near the lab. Ahsoka peaked around the corner to see how many guards there were. There were six of them, three on each side of the door, about 50 feet in front of them.

Ahsoka faced the men feeling a strong sense of longing and anxiety coming from Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo. They were much more on edge than Rex and Gregor were. She pushed her own worries aside and closed her eyes to meditate for a few moments, focusing on her connection to the Force and drowning out the darkness that surrounded her. When she opened her eyes she gave her companions a small smile. "Ready?" she whispered. They nodded their heads, blasters ready. "Run towards them as fast as you can. Rex and Gregor, I'm going to give you guys a little push. Be ready for it. On three...

One...two..."

Taglist: @justasigh37 @darkangel4121 @arcee-1995 @gjrain20-starwars

Next chapter is when the action will really pick up. Also just wanted to say, if Citali knew what Anakin did during Order 66 she would hate his guts lol. And again sorry for these last few chapters taking so long, but hoping the next one will be posted by Tuesday at the latest.

[until-theend-oftheline]

Finding Neverland - Part 2: Aimless

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Warnings: PTSD, Survivor’s guilt, Insomnia, aimlessness, mention of character deaths.  

Squares Filled: Tony Stark for @star-spangled-bingo 2021 and Insomnia for @badthingshappenbingo

Word Count: 1400ish

A/N: Still no reader in this part - we will meet her in the next part. 

Betaed by: @blacktithe7​ - thank you love

MASTERLIST - TAGLIST

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Bucky couldn’t tell you why exactly, but his first stop had been visiting the lake where Tony had been put to rest. He parked some distance away from the house. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb or cause any pain to Pepper or the little girl. Instead he quietly snuck up to the lake across from the house. 

Bucky wasn’t sure how long he stood there letting the night of December 16th 1991 play over and over in his mind. He had done a lot of things he wished he could have stopped himself from doing. Things that kept him up at night or pulled him from his sleep screaming at himself to stop. Every life he had taken haunted him and caused the insomnia he had battled ever since he had gotten control of his mind back. Every single one, but somehow, that night was clearer than the rest. Maybe it was because Howard had once been a friend, or maybe it was because Tony had grown up to become a friend of Steve’s. He wasn’t sure. He also knew he should have been angry at Tony for trying to kill him and Steve that day so long ago, but he wasn’t. He never had been. Bucky hadn’t wanted to die, but if he had died that day, it would have been justified. Bucky even resigned to his faith back then and had only started fighting back when Steve wouldn’t stop helping him, and Tony’s rage had turned on Bucky’s best friend. His only friend. The only man that had never given up on him. 

Bucky didn’t realize he had started crying, and he had been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even heard her walk up next to him. He only became aware of her when she handed him a handkerchief.

Bucky’s eyes briefly met Pepper’s as he took it before her eyes drifted to the lake. They stood there silently watching the stillness of the water, and Bucky desperately wished he knew what to say. He didn’t. He hardly ever did, so he kept quiet, not wanting to leave, but not sure if he had any right to stay either. 

“He didn’t blame  you anymore.” Pepper’s voice was quiet, hesitant almost but she sounded sure. “After Morgan was born, I think he started seeing everything differently. He felt betrayed by Steve to a degree, but he was also ashamed of what he had done. He never spoke about it much, but I knew him. Better than anyone I suspect.”

“He was right to blame me,” Bucky lowered his head. 

“Maybe. Maybe not,” Pepper turned around to face Bucky. “It’s so much more complicated than that Bucky. He was angry and hurt, but like I said, when Morgan was born he let go of all of that. If he had been here with us, I know he would have told you to do the same. What they made you do, there is no changing that. There is no bringing back Tony. We just have to find a way to live with the past. We have to live though, for the ones we lost.”

“I don’t know if I know how,” Bucky answered truthfully, his voice heavy with grief and guilt. 

“When you figure out how to let go of it all like Tony did,” Pepper smiled, reaching out to give Bucky’s arm a slight squeeze, “then you’ll know.”

Bucky looked down at her hand before meeting her eyes. He gave her a sad grateful smile. He didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. 

“Do you want to come back to the house? Meet Morgan?” Pepper offered, making Bucky quickly shake his head. He didn’t want to do anything to upset the child.

“Okay. I’m heading back to her,” Pepper sighed was she turned to walk away but stopped, looking back up at him. “You’re always welcome here Bucky. You don’t have to try and sneak in. I doubt with all of Tony’s tech and Happy keeping an eye out, you could if you wanted too.”

Bucky smiled. He had been an idiot thinking no one would know he was here.

“That’s good,” Bucky nodded. “I’ll remember that.”

He stayed in front of the lake for a few minutes after Pepper disappeared back toward the house. He walked back to his bike, feeling a little lighter, but still not able to forgive himself for what he had done to the Stark family or to any of his other victims. He had hope though, hope that he would be able to find a way to live with it all, just like Pepper had advised him. He just had no idea how yet. So Bucky drifted around from town to town for a few weeks. He never stayed in the same place for more than a day. He told himself he was exploring his country, but he wasn’t. He felt aimless. He had no idea why he had left a place where he was at least doing some good to drift around with no direction at all. When he was on the run he had a goal; stay under the radar - don’t get caught. Now he was just… drifting. 

He had no one left but Steve and maybe Sam. He had left the two of them behind to look for something; he had no idea what. He felt useless, and was almost ready to go back a month after he left, sitting awake in a hotel room hundreds of miles from New York. He had just about made up his mind when his phone suddenly rang, and Steve’s face appeared on the screen. 

Bucky grumbled, slightly annoyed that Steve somehow always seemed to know when he needed to talk, even if Bucky never wanted too. 

“Steve, it’s the middle of the night,” Bucky groaned into the phone, and he could practically feel Steve rolling his eyes at him. 

“You weren’t sleeping, and it’s not night here yet,” Steve retorted, before pausing. “Bucky I have to tell you something… Becca she…”

“She died while I was gone. I know,” Bucky interrupted Steve. That was one of the many things that haunted Bucky at night. He had the chance to go see her when he was on the run or in exile. It would have been risky, but she had been alive.

“Yeah… I’m sorry Buck. I found out where she’s buried,” Steve said hesitantly.

Bucky felt as if the air was knocked from his chest. He hadn’t looked for her resting place, because visiting her would make it real. His little sister was no longer breathing the same air that he was. He no longer had a family, not aside from Steve that was, and with his decision, chances were Bucky would be forced to outlive him too. 

Bucky had understood. He wanted Steve to be happy, and he wouldn’t have wanted Steve to choose any differently. He had encouraged his choice, and he would again. 

“Stevie… I don’t know if…” Bucky stammered, and he heard Steve take a deep breath on the other end of the phone. Just like he usually did when he was getting ready for one of his speeches. Only nothing came. 

“I’m gonna text you the address.” Steve announced, and it was Bucky’s turn to take a deep breath. 

“Okay…” 

“Bucky,” Steve tried, making Bucky shake his head even if he knew Steve couldn’t see him. 

“I’m fine Stevie,” he lied. 

“I think you should go see her. I think… well I think that might be where you need to go,” Steve said, without really saying anything. It always annoyed Bucky when he did that, but he was also too tired to argue. 

“I might,” Bucky promised without promising too much. “Goodnight Steve. Take care of yourself.”

“You too,” Steve’s voice sounded before Bucky ended the call, waiting for the screen to light up with an address. He stared at the phone for a few minutes before tossing it onto the bedside table and throwing himself back onto the bed. Tears flew down Bucky’s cheeks as he stared into the ceiling. For the first time in forever, he let himself feel the loss of his family, and it hurt so badly he could hardly breath. 

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[anarchy-and-piglins]

My depression: but what if suicidal Techno?

My muse: yes sir, right away sir!

So have some vent writing...

The first time Technoblade tried to kill himself he was maybe ten years old.

Like most bad choices it was spurred by nothing but curiosity. The overwhelming need to test the limits of the improbable, without a second glance as to whether knowing would make a difference or not.

It had whispered in his mind for years. You can not die, it had told him over and over. Until it was pressed solidly within his veins. Technoblade hadn't thought to question them at all. Despite the voices having a tendency to lie to him, gloat in his misery or trick him with falsehoods, there was an underlying certainty that this statement at least was true. Technoblade would never die, he knew.

Until he had sat on the floor in the living room one night, watching Phil rock Tommy on his lap. His tiny body shook with sobs as their father rubbed Tommy's back, fingers cradling tenderly through blonde hair. "It was just a nightmare," Phil had said. "We're all fine, promise. We're alive." But the words had done nothing to reassure the child.

Because Tommy was five years old and had dreamt his family died.

And Phil had told him that while everybody died eventually, it wouldn't be for a very long time yet.

Technoblade sat on the floor with Wilbur leaning against him, half-asleep as they had all been woken up by Tommy's nightmare, and had wondered which one was the truth.

So the next day he had waited until their father left to run an errand, until both his brothers had been distracted. And then Technoblade went into Phil's room and found a knife.

He brought it to the river that ran near their house and glanced at the rippling water. There was no fear inside him – no worry. It felt like Techno's very soul knew it wouldn't work. The voices confirmed this by telling him it was futile, taunting him to go through with it or begging him not to. Techno narrowed his eyes, walking into the water until it came up to his knees and holding out his arm.

In one quick motion he slid into the skin, following the curve of his elbow down towards his wrist.

Blood was swept away into the river while Techno stood there, tears brimming in his eyes from a mixture of pain and confusion. Minutes passed and he bled and bled and bled and then he got dizzy and he sat down on the soggy riverbank, still crying and bleeding.

Techno passed out and woke up what felt like hours later, the sun sat low in the sky.

He was covered in blood, the wound scabbed over with the dried remains of it. He hadn't died, though he felt in all ways as if he should have.

Standing up, he stumbled back to the house. Wilbur was in the living room, his face when Technoblade staggered inside became three shades paler. Techno dropped to his knees, feeling empty. He told Wil it was an accident. Told him that he had taken the knife to train with and had slipped up and hurt himself. He begged Wilbur not to tell their father.

Eventually, Wilbur agreed but made him promise to be more careful.

Technoblade nodded. Though it hadn't been the last time he tried, he became more careful about letting them see.

The river ran red five more times.

He drowned once, in Antarctica.

The ice had broken beneath Technoblade's feet and he had dropped beneath the surface in a blink's time. Cold water rushed into his mouth when he gasped and then it was in his eyes too, making it hard to see. Heavy furs became soaked in seconds, dragging him down deeper and Techno tried to swim but only found more ice, solid walls every way he tried to go. His lungs were bursting in his ribcage, tearing apart with the need for oxygen. It hurt worse than any war wound had.

Technoblade couldn't die.

He was left there, at the brink of some grand abyss that was denied for him and left him with the agony instead. After what felt like forever he managed to push through something inside him – a small chasm of power that resided within – and Technoblade punched through the sheet above him to claw at the sky again. Heaving himself onto the ground, he was left retching the excess water out of his body. Hypothermia had set in, sending pinpricks through every nerve but his flesh did not starve or wither.

Technoblade never dies, the voices cheered. A mantra that was starting to sound like a curse. The gift of a god turned into a damnation.

Technoblade stood on shaking legs and continued his way home.

He set the charges one by one, sloppy and without care.

There was poetic justice in this, he decided. This was a narrative conclusion that made sense. His brother blew up both L'Manberg and himself. Then Technoblade blew the city up as well.

So this simply was the logical next step.

If Technoblade could get his way, there would be nothing left come morning but a giant crater in the ground.

Instead, the explosives went off and ended the world that mattered without taking Techno down with it. He stared at the sky with pain in every limb that should have been torn off but stayed attached, with burns all over that should have killed him but wouldn't, and wondered how the simple act of dying could be this difficult. The voices were still audible – the only thing he could hear since his fractured eardrums were bleeding out his ears – and they admonished him for being naive enough to try still.

It would never allow him to die on anything but their terms.

("Take better care of yourself," somebody said.

"Don't go throwing yourself into danger for others," somebody said.

"Why did you protect me? You could have died!"

Technoblade wanted to tell them all that his life didn't matter like theirs did, but couldn't find the words.)

The anvil had broken his head open, splashed his brain matter into a million pieces before stitching it back together. When Quackity asked him how he had done it, Technoblade had laughed with a hollow heart.

He came home and found his nearest chest full of potions, digging through it for any sleeping pot he could find. Tommy was asking questions Techno easily brushed off, finding he couldn't care less why the kid was here. Heck, maybe he could keep the cabin. At least then all Techno's grinding wouldn't go to waste. Uncorking the first bottle, Technoblade downed it in three big swallows.

Then the next, and the next. A few more after. The world became dazed and muffled and Technoblade was tired. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted to go to bed and be left alone forever. Even in retirement, they would see fit to hunt him down, drag him to their mockery of a trail like an animal and sentence him without a jury.

And subjected him to an execution that some part of Technoblade might have been hoping would actually work. A death that would finally stick.

Not yet, it whispered in his mind, toxic and murky. Dragging him to the edge of unconsciousness as he slumped down on the floor feeling his pulse slow down to a faint whimper. It would not cease beating completely only because they would not allow it to, divine power kept the blood flowing. You can't die yet. You can never die.

Technoblade closed his eyes just to pretend he wouldn't wake up again.

When he did Phil was there. Some distant part of Techno felt the heat of sibling-typical annoyance towards Tommy. Clearly the kid had snitched on him. Gone and told dad, like he always said he would when he found Wilbur wrist-deep in the cookie jar.

Techno wanted to sob.

"Why did you do it?" Phil asked, with no anger or disappointment. Only sincere worry was reflected in his every gesture. It made regret swell in Techno's gut. He couldn't even die without hurting everybody around him.

He'd always keep hurting them.

"I don't know," he lied. Or maybe it was the truth. He wasn't sure anymore.

"Oh, Tech." Phil hugged him, the warmth not at all enough to waylay the numbness in Techno's soul but at least it was better than nothing. A little drop in the desert that was his confused emotions.

Techno clung to him and rubbed Phil's back, remembering the way Tommy had held onto their father over a decade ago. "I'm fine, promise. I'm alive."

Even if he'd rather not be.

Inside his ribcage, his heart continued beating.

[whoneedsapublisher]

Watching on the Riverbank

Prompt was eclipse. Continuing my Yazawa sisters crossover kick.

Words: ~700

Summary: You had never seen a total solar eclipse before, and it turned out to be a day to remember in more ways than one.

Also on Ao3

*******************************

You’s neighbourhood had always been close knit. Everyone knew each other else. Parents babysitted each other’s kids. Grandmothers cooked for overwhelmed singles who’d just moved out of school. Tech savvy people went from house to house helping the clueless get their computers working again. When someone made a bunch of a food for a get together, leftovers could end up at a dozen different houses. And of course, they all came together to make festivals fun.

But this was still a little special. Even though there wasn’t a festival on, everyone was still gathered together outside by the river to watch the eclipse together. Kenta from down the road, Emi from next door, Futaro, Yohane, Jiro, and so on, and so on.

You was already sitting down by the riverbank when someone tapped her on the head with a pair of eclipse glasses.

“Hey there, kiddo,” came a familiar voice. “Your mom said you forgot these.”

Cocoa Yazawa. A woman who lived just a block down the road from You. She’d moved in over a decade ago now. Her and You had grown up together after that, although she’d been in highschool in when You was in grade school.

And she also happened to be You’s first love.

Not that You had done anything about it. But she’d still nursed the crush. Trying to stand out as much as she could. Whenever she won a tournament, or got an award at club, she always looked forward to Cocoa’s praise the most. And even if it felt a little bit like she was being treated like a child, she enjoyed when Cocoa petted her hair and told her that she’d done a good job.

“Oh, thanks,” she said, reaching up and taking the glasses, fiddling with them as an excuse not to look directly at Cocoa as she settled down next to You.

“Pretty exciting, isn’t it?” Cocoa said. “It’s been a long time since the last total solar eclipse.”

“Oh yeah,” You said. “You saw the last one, didn’t you?”

“Right, you weren’t born yet, were you?” Cocoa said. “I was still just a little kid.”

She laughed. “I was actually terrified, you know. It suddenly got dark in the middle of the day, after all.”

“Really?” You asked. It was kinda hard to imagine Cocoa scared. She was always so lively and upbeat.

“Really,” Cocoa said. “I started crying and everything. But my big sister Nico made me feel better.”

She struck a silly looking pose, putting one hand on her hip and raising one finger to the sky. “Don’t worry, Cocoa!” she said, mimicking her sister’s voice. “No matter what happens, there’s always one star that no one will ever eclipse: your big sis Nico Yazawa, the star of the idol world! And I’ll always shine my light just for you!”

You laughed. “Did she really say that?”

“She sure did,” Cocoa said, grinning. “And it worked, too. I stopped crying right away.”

The light started to fade.

“Ah, it’s starting, put on the glasses, quick!”

You slipped the glasses on as the darkness descended and looked up.

It was certainly striking. Seeing the sun blotted out like that, light only leaking around the edges of the dark disk in front of it, and the darkness falling at midday, combined together to make a very surreal effect.

“Hey, You,” Cocoa said, after a minute.

“Yeah?” You asked, not looking away from the sun.

“Everyone’s looking at the sky, you know. I bet not a single person around us is looking over here.” Cocoa’s voice was low and quiet, and there was a slightly mischievous tone to it.

“I guess?” You said, a little confused.

“Do you wanna kiss?”

The train of You’s thoughts hit a penny, flipped right off the tracks, crashed into a mountain, and exploded into a giant fireball. She turned to stare at Cocoa, wide eyed.

“Five seconds to decide,” Cocoa said. “Eclipse won’t last forever.”

You’s mouth fell open. Was she… serious?

“Five. Four. Three. Two-”

“Yes,” You said.

Cocoa grinned at her.

“Good choice.”

And that was how You Watanabe had her first kiss.

Hopefully she wouldn’t have to wait for another eclipse to get her second one.

[imaginethatneathuh]

Winter is Beautiful: Technical Boy - American Gods

I had to cut this in half because Tumblr wouldn't let me post it all as one.

Partially inspired by one of @random-imagines-blog Technical Boy posts.

Done for @atomicdetectivehideout‘s December challenge (yes, I know I’m a day late, shut up).

I’m not good at romance.

Fluff.

Word count: 4.4K+

Second Part

You smiled at the trees, barren and lifeless, all except the pines.

The pines were strong and sturdy. That beautiful pine green, even in the dead of winter. A faint hint of brown spiked the otherwise green needles. A sign of Death and Disease knocking on the trees' door.

The faint sound of Winter-ready birds hung in the air. Their song, even compared to the sunset, was something to behold. The rustle of the trees as the birds flew between the branches reminded you of days long past.

You inhaled the cold, country, Winter air. As you breathed out, a puff of smoke spread out. The warmth of your breath soon dissipated as the frozen air overtook it. dissipating. You smiled, satisfied.

The cool, pale yellows, blues, and pinks of the sunset waltzed across the sky. Not even the chilly air, which was sure to get worse, could dissuade you from spending time that night under the stars, especially on a night like tonight.

While the alignment of Jupiter and Saturn was not the main focus, it certainly helped to convince Technical Boy to come along. It was a "Once every 800 years" kind of event. Something that he would never get the chance to see again.

It had taken forever to get the tech god to agree. You hadn't expected anything less. He was him, but you were also you. Both equally stubborn in your own ways.

Speaking of the devil, the young god stood beside you, wrapped in far too many layers.

A beanie donned his head, along with a scarf, gloves, a Winter coat with two sweaters underneath (both of which you hadn’t the chance to see), a pair of jeans, snow pants, and winter boots.

It was beyond excessive in your eyes.

"You don't need all of those, T," you said. "You'll be fine."

He scoffed. Both of his hands wrapped around his upper arms, rubbing them.

"Like Hell," he mumbled teeth chattering.

How he could still be cold with all those layers was a mystery to you.

A blanket hung over your shoulder as you looked back at him.

"Let's just go."

"Home?" He asked, perking up a little.

"No, to the meadow."

Technical Boy groaned as he walked after you stiffly, following as closely behind as he could. The thick snow pants on top of jeans were hard to walk with.

Sure, the snow was a little high, but no higher than it usually was here around the Solstice.

A part of you wanted to grab his hand, just to hold it, but you thought better of it.

It wouldn’t be like it was the first time you’d held hands. The two of you had done it a thousand times. Okay, maybe that’s an over-exaggeration, but the point still remains; it wasn’t a big deal. Well, it shouldn’t be a big deal.

So, why not just take his hand?

Maybe because in the last few months, how you felt about him changed. When he smiled at you; or even just looked in your direction, it was like the world stopped moving. Your heart raced when he touched you. At times, you thought he could hear your heart pounding in your chest, especially when the two of you would lie together and cuddle. When he’d ‘Hmm?’ when you said something to him, your heart would turn to goop.  When he joked with you, you laughed harder than usual. Even just being around him made you feel this warmth deep inside. This feeling of being known without thinking he’d shame you for anything. It was slightly addicting but in a good way.

And as much as there had been a change in you, maybe there had been a slight change in him, too. Sometimes, when you stayed over at his place, he’d offer you his clothes if you wanted to take a shower. That way you wouldn’t have to wear dirty clothes after getting clean. That’s the excuse he always used anyway. There were times when he stayed at your place where he’d get all nervous about sleeping in the same bed together, even though you’d done it before, and he hadn’t had a problem then. He showed you affection and kindness and rarely said anything bad or rude about/to your family. He was kinder and sweeter now, less of a cat, more of a dog.

You also noticed things about him that you hadn’t before. Like the way he’d look at you with that big, goofy, adorable smile and how his eyes would shine brighter than the sun, the moon, and all of the stars when he saw you. Or how any time he hugged you, he would nuzzle into your neck and hang on for a little longer than most people. There were the times when Technical Boy would get hyper-focused on something and zone out. He looked adorable every time.

But there were also things you think you looked too much into. Like the little surprise visits and gifts he gave felt like more than what a friend would do. Before, you’d never noticed how much he’d look at you or how much more playful he was around you than most people. Of course, you’d never let yourself hope for more. He was a god, after all.

•

The two of you trudged through the snow as the sun set ahead of you. The pale colours of the evening gave way to the rich, dark blue of the night. Stars twinkling like diamonds suspended high in the sky.

For a moment, you thought you'd have to start pulling Technical Boy along. Thankfully, he kept up, even with all the layers.

"I was not built for the cold, Y/N,” he said.

You forged ahead. Trying (and failing) to suppress a smile, you looked behind you before turning back front.

"You're not used to the cold, that's all."

He whimpered, dashing to get back to your side. It was warmer than when he was by himself.

"How 'bout we just go back, yeah? Go back to the cabin? Where it's warm."

Stopping in the snow, letting it soak into your jeans, you faced him.

"If it bothers you that much, you can go back, but I'm not."

You didn't want him to go. He was the reason you wanted to come out here tonight in the first place. It wouldn't be right without him. Besides, two bodies are warmer than one.

Technical Boy looked between the warmth of the cabin that he so badly craved and you, the reason he was willingly out here, freezing his arse off.

Eventually, he chose to follow you, stepping to your side.

The snow flew up with every step. Some of it was packed beneath his boots, other bits stuck on them, but at least he wasn’t being drenched by it.

•

As you got to a fenced-in field, a smile spread across your face.

It was almost entirely dark now. The last vestiges of light from the sun were blinking out, disappearing behind the horizon. The stars and the half-moon became your only guide.

You giggled and looked behind you, still smiling widely.

"Come on," you said, offering your hand to Technical Boy.

He stayed where he was, a worried look on his face.

Your hand fell as you sighed.

"Really, T?"

The god shuffled backwards.

The low, barbed-wire fencing stood between you and your favourite place in the world. Besides maybe with Technical Boy.

Near an old, what you assumed to be, power box lay a dip in the fencing. The fencing had been bent and broken years ago, long before you ever came to the meadow.

Using one of the old, wooden posts the wire was wrapped around, you hopped over.

Breathing deeply, you face away from the dirt road and to the pure, untouched snow of the pasture. Your eyes closed as the wind whipped by.

Technical Boy whined behind you, reminding you of a puppy who wanted attention.

You turned to face him, a renewed light inside you.

"Come on, don't be a wuss," you said. "It's just a fence."

He looked at the fencing, then at you, bouncing side to side.

"Fine, be a wuss, but I'm going to enjoy the pasture."

You twisted back to the snowy, rolling hills far away.

"I'm not a wuss," he said.

You looked over your shoulder with a smirk and said, "Prove it then."

Technical Boy, scowling, glared at the fencing and stepped forward.

“Do we really have to do this? I mean, it’s fucking freezing out here. Not to mention, it’s really stupid. There are apps made for stargazing for crying out loud! We can stargaze where it’s warm, believe it or not,” he complained.

While his point about the apps was fair, the app could never capture the beauty of watching the stars with the naked eye.

"T," you tease in a singsong voice.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming." Technical Boy gripped the post you did when you hopped over. "Don't rush me."

"The sun has already set. We don't have time for this."

That wasn’t true. The stars would be there for hours to come, but you had to get him moving somehow.

With another small whine and some mental encouragement, the god hopped over. Now on the same side as you, he backed away from the fence, facing it.

He turned to you lethargically like he was bored, and glared at you.

“Great, I’m over here. Now what?”

Unable to resist, you snickered.

“What?”

You shrugged.

“Nothing, you just sound really fucking bored. I can’t combine that with the shivering you. It just doesn’t work in my head.”

He rolled his eyes and walked toward you.

“Whatever,” he said before rubbing his hands together and breathing into them.

You wiped your freezing nose with your equally cold hand, sniffing.

Eyebrows furrowed, Technical Boy took off one of his gloves and pressed a hand to your cheek.

You tried to bat it away, but he ignored it.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, you're freezing," he worries. "Why didn't you say anything?"

You pushed him away slightly, his hands drifting to your upper arms.

"It's nothing I haven't handled before."

"Come here," he said.

He shed his coat and wrapped it around your shoulders. Taking his scarf off, he coiled it around your neck, tucking it over your nose sweetly. You giggled as he moved his hands to grasp yours.

"You feel like ice," he comments.

You shook your head, a smile plastered on your face.

"I'm fine, T. Let's just enjoy the night."

"What if you get sick!"

You sighed.

"I'm not going to get sick."

"That's what they all say," he said, pulling you close. "But then starts the sniffling and the coughing and sneezing. Not to mention the fever!"

You laughed at him. Pushing away, you took off and wrapped the scarf back around Technical Boy's neck. You glanced down to hide your giggles, but you’re greeted by a peculiar sight.

Covering your mouth, you stared at his chest.

He looked down at his sweater.

"What?"

"I can't believe you're wearing that."

He pulled it down, pouting.

"Your mother gave it to me. Plus, it's also almost Christmas. I thought it was festive."

You burst out laughing.

The ugly Rudolph the Reindeer sweater looked so stupid on him, you just couldn't help it.

"Y/N, don't be mean. I'm sure it took her forever to find one this ugly."

You kept laughing and pulled him into a hug, burying your head into his neck.

"I love you, you dumbass," you said, pushing away.

He smiled at you.

"I love you, too."

It may have been from the cold and wind, but you could have sworn there was a hint of pink on his cheeks.

You handed him back his coat.

"No, Y/N, you need it."

Instead of taking no for an answer, you tossed it onto his face.

As it fell off, Technical Boy caught it and gave you a look. The "done with your bullshit" look he often gave.

You just smiled over your shoulder and laid down the blanket over the snow.

•

The two of you stared up at the sky. For the first time since you managed to pull Technical Boy out here, it was quiet. Save for the wind rustling the branches and the coyotes howling far off in the distance. Some might be afraid of them, but not you. They were comforting. Familiar really.

Taking a deep breath, you could smell the clean snow. It was like water but cooler. As you'd expect from ice.

So enraptured by the peace, you hadn't noticed Tech staring at you with one of those rare, soft smiles on his face.

"Why'd you bring me out here," he asked.

Breaking from the serenity, you turned to look at him. His face fairer than usual because of the light reflecting off the snow from the half-moon.

"I wanted to stargaze with you."

Technical Boy nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer. Keyword is "seemingly".

"Okay," he said, turning back to the sky, a pink hint to his cold cheeks. "But you never bring anyone out here. Not home, not to the cabin, and definitely not here. You only ever talk about this place like it’s a far-off memory. You don't even take the animals out here."

You sighed.

The stars glittered with the glowing moon.

"It's my quiet place," you said. "Where I go when I'm not really there. When all else fails, I can always come here." Looking at the sky, you smiled. "It's the most important place in the world to me. I guess, I just wanted to share that with you." You looked down and rubbed your arm.

Technical Boy let a smile spread across his face.

Cupping your cheek, he guided you to face him.

"Thank you, Y/N," he said. "I mean it."

You smiled back.

Technical Boy wrapped an arm around you and laid his head on your shoulder.

You watched the stars, Jupiter and Saturn's alignment shining amongst them.

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Chapter three! I already skimmed through it and just. Holy fuck I’m falling in love with this series all over again, and this is just the opening arc, how the hell is this so good??? I’m genuinely just in awe and fuck is it making it hard to decide where to have a cut-off point for this chapter. I suppose we’ll just have to see what fate decides.

(Also, the temptation to just paste in all of the last three pages of the chapter is so incredibly strong, you don’t understand.)

[No. 3 - Entrance Exam]

We start off with some exposition: UA’s hero course is designed to give students all they need to go pro, and is the toughest and most popular hero course in the country, with only a 1 in 300 acceptance rate. Discounting the four slots that are recommendation students, that’s 36 slots a year, which is about…

Yeah. That’s a lotta applications, and that’s just for the hero course! 

Several alumni are mentioned: All Might, who declined the people’s choice award; Endeavor, who’s stopped more crimes than anyone else in recorded history; and Best Jeanist, who’s won the Best Jeanist award eight years running. (One of these things is not like the other~ One of these things just doesn’t belong~) The exposition suggests that graduating from UA is basically a requirement for becoming a great hero - something which we’ll learn soon enough isn’t quite true.

But yeah, Endeavor with the record for crime handling, even above All Might. Quite the impressive hero, though that face…

Not precisely reassuring.

So yeah, Izuku here mentions the date of the exam - February 26th. I figure that this has to be a Sunday, for the simple fact that Japan has a slightly different school schedule than us. Most notably: Japanese schools (some of them, anyways) have 5.5 day school weeks. Yes, that means the first half of Saturday can still be a school day. 

While I couldn’t confirm for sure whether this is more common among the higher end schools, I feel like a school like UA, with its ‘Plus Ultra’ motto, would definitely be a school to have a half-day (or even a full day) on Saturdays, and since they also have to accomodate for middle schools that have Saturday morning classes, I figure that it would make the most sense for UA to schedule this exam on a Sunday. 

The benefits of this, as we’ve already seen, is that we can then narrow down the timeline for the rest of the series, just based on that single, confirmed date. We know from the last chapter that the Sludge Villain had to happen on a Thursday or Friday of the first week of school (April 14th/15th), with the first training session two days later (the 16th/17th). But what this also gives us is when Izuku’s first year of UA starts, AND the possible years it could start on. 

Since we see the glowing baby is in a modern hospital, we can assume that’s correlated to about our times. Give it a few generations, and we can guess that we’re in the 2200s or 2300s for the current era. Based on that assumption, we get the following years that have February 26th on a Sunday:

23rd century potential years: 2204, 2209, 2215, 2226, 2232, 2237, 2243, 2254, 2260, 2265, 2271, 2282, 2288, 2293, 2299

24th century potential years: 2310, 2316, 2321, 2327, 2338, 2344, 2349, 2355, 2366, 2372, 2377, 2383, 2394, 2400

As a side note, when I got into the series, my brain weirdly latched onto the idea that this had to all be happening in the year 2317. I don’t know why I decided on that number, but that’s what I rolled with, and hilariously I could be RIGHT about the year the current manga arc is happening in, provided Izuku’s first year is in 2316. Sometimes you just know, ya know? I know at least one other friend made these calcs independently of me and chose to run with 2237, which is totally valid! Probably makes more sense to be in the 2200s, but there’s room depending on how much time one thinks has passed.

As for when Izuku’s high school school year starts, we know that Japanese schools start on the second Monday of April. Since we don’t know if this is a leap year or not, we’ll end up with two dates, but that’s fine!

Feb 26 (Sun) -> Feb 27 (Mon) -> March (6/5, 13/12, 20/19, 27/26) -> April (3/2, 10/9)

Therefore, Izuku’s first day of classes (not counting the orientation, which I’ve seen a few other timelines assume is on the Sunday before classes start) is April 10th (or the 9th if a leap year)! I know this is all in the future from this chapter, but still, I wanted to share this at some point and figured now was as good a time as always.

Math!

Sorry, I’ve just wanted to share this math I did for a while now, I put a lot of work into it and I am very proud of it. Let’s get back to the chapter.

So Izuku lives a 40 minute train ride away from UA, and has made it just in time for the exam. Apparently, this is only the practical portion? Or well, that’s the part that gets focused on in this chapter, with no mention of the paper exam. I would imagine they’d be the same day, though? But I suppose one can do whatever they like with it.

He’s standing there looking at the school, thinking about how he didn’t have a chance to test the power, while the other students head in-

Excuse me, Toga?? I know that hairstyle is just a bit off, but… ???

...right, anyways. Izuku is wondering whether the hair really did anything (also, it was apparently sour, which, ew.) Katsuki comes up behind him and tells him to move aside.

Truly a flattering image. Izuku panics a bit and greets him, but Katsuki just walks by without another word or gesture, leaving Izuku confused as he watches him head on into the building. The narrative notes that since the villain incident, Katsuki hadn’t bothered Izuku, while the unnamed characters in the background apparently recognize Katsuki from the ‘sludge’ incident (well, not shocked how the fandom held onto that name). 

Izuku notes that he’s gotta stop flinching instinctively, and then tries to hype himself up, noting that it’s not like before, and think about the past ten months while taking a wobbly step forward- and then tripping over himself.

I’m sorry Izuku just has so many fantastic faces in this chapter I am crying trying to limit myself to just a few. But yeah, that little derp as he realizes what’s happening is adorable, especially while Ochako gently sets him back on his feet. She mentions that it’s her quirk, and apologizes for using it, but that it’s a bad omen to trip and fall. (I wonder if that gets played with again during later parts of the series… will have to check to see.)

While Izuku freaks out over talking to a girl, Ochako notes that the exam is nerve-wracking, and then heads off while wishing both of them luck as Izuku stares after. 

This fucking kid. I love him so much. His flustered excitement gets him some weird looks from the others still outside.

We transition to a new character (Present Mic) who immediately shows off his performative side by calling for a ‘hey!’ which… is met with silence from the crowd. He doesn’t let this throw him off, instead letting them know that he’ll present the guidelines for the practical, followed with a ‘YEAH!’ that gets met with an even heavier silence.

Izuku and Katsuki are seated next to each other, with Izuku descending right into excited muttering over Present Mic and how he listens to his radio show every week. Also with the assumption that all the UA teachers are pro heroes, which I mean, true, but still. Katsuki tells Izuku to shut up.

Present Mic explains the test: ten minute long ‘mock cityscape maneuvers’, with the applicants split among seven arenas, labelled ‘A’ through ‘G’. With more than 10k applicants total, that’s about…

Yeah, more than 1500 per arena. Fucking hell, no wonder the robots deplete so quickly in only a few minutes. Also of interest:

“Bring along whatever you want.” So technically, if Izuku were able to procure the tech and training to handle the robots, there would be nothing keeping him from getting into UA quirkless… though I imagine any kid who gets in mostly on tech probably gets side-eyed… though if said kid made their OWN tech, they might also get an offer from the Support department.

(AU where Mei accidentally took the heroics exam and got a shitload of points, but she ended up taking the offer for Support instead despite setting the record for most points in said exam. Katsuki forever wants to fight her. Izuku and her are good friends.)

Also, another thing I love is how Katsuki just told Izuku to shut up a moment ago, and then:

He’s the one to initiate conversation on the details of the test, basically agreeing on the reasoning behind dividing up the students between arenas. Katsuki is annoyed at not being able to crush Izuku, which has Izuku awkwardly silent. 

Also mini-Mic.

Poor, poor Mic. He just wants audience participation. Anyways, he continues on to explain the points system, with the help of cute little Mario-themed silhouettes. There are three kinds of faux villains, with different points awarded for defeating each based on their difficulty levels. Also, attacking other examinees is prohibited!

A student (cough Tenya) raises their hand to ask a question, going on to note that the handout sheet appears to have four varieties of villain, and that such a blatant error (if it is one) reflects poorly on Japan’s top academy. He then spins around and points at Izuku, calling him out for his muttering and how distracting he’s been, and that ‘if this is some sort of game to you, then please leave immediately!’ 

Is that… Mineta seated behind Izuku? I can’t find another panel that disproves that theory, so. Whelp. If you ever for some reason want to have Izuku accidentally deal with the grape early, he’s right there. 

Anyways, Present Mic brings the convo back to the initial question/comment, noting that the fourth villain is worth zero points, and is more of an obstacle. He then brings up Super Mario Brothers, the old retro game, and compares the Zero Pointer to a thwomp. There’s one per site, serving as a gimmick that’ll rampage in close quarters. Tenya thanks Mic and apologizes for the interruption. 

And so we get our final words from Present Mic:

??? either he's referencing the original guy (which I think would be a misquote because I doubt OG Nap ever noted anything like that) or some French hero or the like who took on the name.

Discord offered this to me while putting together the post:

So there you have it. Tentatively confirmed.

Those EYES man, dude’s got the Rinnegan going on.

Honestly, I have to end on this panel just because of that last line from Present Mic. Like, look me in the eyes and tell me this isn’t the exact point to end on. 

The discord’s takeaway from this:

[squeallywrites]

Questioning the Light - Hongbin Oneshot

You couldn’t believe your luck. You had been on a supply run downtown undercover and had stumbled on your nemesis’s lesser known sidekicks. It was said that he rarely left the [fortress] so you couldn’t really pass up this opportunity, even if you were on vacation.

With a simple bit of acting, he had offered to help you with a “problem.”

~~~~~

“So what problems were you having again?” Hongbin asks as you approached the front door. His exhausted voice was a nice baritone, you had to admit.

“I swear the guy before had set up my pc wrong. It’ll turn on but my monitor and speakers don’t work and I’ve tried everything I could,” you smoothly lie.

As soon as he walks into the main hall, you press a button on your watch, locking down the room. Robotic arms wrap around Hongbin, bringing him to his knees, preventing him from escaping.

He looks at you, confused and only slightly worried. You raise a brow at his less that underwhelming reaction, “For someone working under Rovix, you’re not really cautious, are you? Not only that, but you don’t seem worried about the predicament that you’re in.”

He doesn’t say anything but continues to stare at you.

“I do wonder what Rovix will do. Probably won’t like that his sidekick got so foolishly kidnapped,” you chuckle to yourself.

“Bold of you to assume that he cares about me. Trust me. He won’t come,” he deadpans.

You bend down to meet his eye, smirking with a low voice, “We’ll see about that.”

~~~~~

It had been one week since you sent Rovix that taunting message of your hostage, but nothing. Not a single word. You eyes drift to the video feed of Hongbin in his cell. He was curled up on his bed, head resting on his knees, definitely not wanting to be there but seemed resigned to this being his life now. And as the days went on, you would catch him crying himself to sleep over the coms.

Something twinged in your heart. ‘What was his life before?’

~~~~~

Two months later:

“Come now Rovix! You’re normally so put together!” You yell as you fly through the sky, evading his attacks no problem, “Maybe if you still had Hongbin by your side, you wouldn’t be so clumsy.”

The hero takes aim, hitting your side with one of his lasers. Pain erupted throughout your body as you scream. Quickly, you hide yourself on a rooftop long enough to grab the healing sealant from your belt to spray it over the wound before dodging yet another strike.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” he snarls as he gets closer.

You take off.

“Shame. Seemed like you would’ve cared for your team,” you shout back whilst deploying an explosion that severed the top off a building. ‘That’ll keep him busy.’ Taking your chance, you make your escape.

~~~~~

Limping through the door, you make it about 5 steps before collapsing to the ground.

“Y/N!”

You felt hands grab at you but you couldn’t make them out before darkness took you.

~~

When you woke, you were in your bed. Your memory may be fuzzy but you definitely don’t remember making it to your room. As you adjust yourself, you hiss at the pain. It was slightly better but not by much.

“Oh good, you’re awake.”

You turn to see Hongbin drying his hands as he walks back from the bathroom. “You had me worried there.”

Your brows furrow at that, “Why would you be worried? Aren’t I your captor? Anyone in their right mind would’ve taken that opportunity to escape.

He goes quiet for a while, eyebrows scrunched in thought before he kneels and leans toward you before taking your hand to place it behind his head. You were confused until you felt it. Right under your fingers was a small hard bump in the shape of a square.

“What?” The word escape you.

He pulls away, letting your hand fall, and sits back, but doesn’t meet your eye as he begins, “A couple years ago, when I was seriously injured in a fight, I took on a sidekick to help manage the rising crime rate. He did well but we clashed when it came to morals. By the time I was fully healed, I didn’t realise what he had done.”

“What are you talking about?”

Hongbin meets your gaze, “Y/n, I am Rovix. The one you always fought until just over a year ago. Sejun had this inhibitor chip put in where it reduces my abilities so I couldn’t stop him. He kept me hidden in the base but the one day I snuck out, you found me. I didn’t realise it at first. I couldn’t remember you, but as time went on, I began to remember.”

“Do you think it has something to do with the chip?” You suggested, “I can try to remove it if you would like?”

“The world is so different to me now,” Hongbin stands and walks over to the window, “I guess I never noticed during my career just how much the people didn’t like me. They fell in love with Sejun; The hero that kills. That’s what they want. Not someone who sees those that terrorise people as the ones who need help finding their way. It’s made me think during my time here,” he turns back to you, “Perhaps I’ve had a change of heart.”

You couldn’t help the smirk that graced your lips.

~~~~~

“After months, you finally show your face again, Void! Were you too scared?” Taunts Rovix.

You can only laugh at that. The jetpack lifts you up to the spire of the Grand Terminal.

“And for a so-called hero, you don’t really put an effort into your duties.”

“What are you on about?” He flies up to you, piercing blue eyes meeting yours.

“You know, I don’t remember Rovix’s eyes being blue. They were always brown.”

And that’s when they turned red, but before you could move, a beam of dark light shoots up between you. Rovix backs up, startled but you can only smirk.

“Guess what big boy,” You kick off the spire, “I know your secret.”

You take off, booking it through the winding streets of downtown as lasers shoot passed you. Feeling your watch buzz, you take a sharp turn to send the signal before heading for the spot.

Just as you were almost there, Rovix manages to hit your jetpack, the explosion sending straight for the stone steps of city hall. Strong arms catch you before placing you down.

“No, it cannot be,” gasps Rovix, “You died.”

Hongbin chuckles darkly at that, “That’s what you thought.”

Over the last two months after you healed enough to operate your tech, you removed his chip. The burst of Hongbin’s power surprised the two of you, but where he used to have a bright shimmering light to his entire body, there was a dark flame. Everything about his power seemed to have transformed into the more aggressive variety. He felt powerful.

You got up to stand proudly next to him (forever patting yourself on the back for prior thinking about explosion when designing your suit).

“You see, when I sent that ransom video all those months ago, I thought you would’ve jumped at the opportunity to save one of your men. But he’s not yours. You were his.”

“And now it’s time to repay the favour,” Hongbin begins to fly up to Rovix’s level, “Hwang Sejun.”

At that, Sejun roars with laughter, “YOU? What are you going to do? You couldn’t even stop criminals from tearing up the city, let alone kill anyone.”

“I gave them the chance to redeem themselves. To better themselves. You take that choice from them. You took it from me.”

With that, Hongbin pounces, driving Rovix straight into the atmosphere. You couldn’t see them anymore but the clouds would burst with light like a lightning storm. Squinting your eyes, driving your contacts to zoom in, you saw just in time Hongbin drive a powerful blow to Rovix’s sternum. Rovix’s body fell to the ground below, landing a fair few feet away from you, the hole left from Hongbin charred from his power.

You hear him land behind you, “Cutting it a little close weren’t you?”

He was bloody, covered with cuts everywhere and you could see a few bruises starting to form but overall he was okay.

“You would’ve moved. I knew you were watching,” he smirks back at you as he cups your jaw.

You couldn’t help yourself as you moved in to kiss him. He pulls back wincing in pain as you hit a cut on his lip, but he quickly kissed you back gently.

“He killed him! Lord help us! Rovix is dead!” The people wailed.

Hongbin pulls away to look out at the cityfolk gathering at a distance, before wrapping his arms around your waist and rising to the air.

“Your hero has been dead for years! You can thank yourselves for that. Now this is our city and you will pay for turning your backs on the light!” He yells to them as the clouds above darken and lightning shoots down in a flurry.

“Let’s go home,” you tell him, “We can deal with them tomorrow.”

With one more kiss, he takes off as you hold on tight.

[jem-2096]

Brunette from Mars - (Peter Parker One shot)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of fighting/abuse, FLUFFY AF! 

(This could be read as ftm!peterparker and/or regular MCU Peter Parker)

This one shot is inspired by the song mars by Yungblud. Go give it a listen if you haven't! 

You and the brunette haired boy with deep honey coloured irises quickly became good friends. You commuted to school each morning together after learning you lived in the same apartment in Queens while your first day of highschool in homeroom. You were paired for some lame icebreakers to get to know other students. He had nervously blabbed to you about how he had moved apartments with his aunt over the summer and as you got to know him better over time, he let you know the reason why they moved.

You quickly learned that the brunette was a great listener, quick witted, fairly thoughtful, determined with his studies, had a passion for tinkering with programming and computer tech and secretly kept a picture of Daisy Ridley as Rey from Star Wars in his desk that you won't let him live down. 

Two summers ago, the brunette had quite the glow up that to be honest made your stomach do flips. After returning from a trip to Detroit with his Aunt May to visit family, the brunette came back to school with his braces off and a nice build to him compared to the lanky string bean he was when he had left in that June. 

With this overnight glow up also came this new habit of him flaking on you and really everyone without reasonable explanations. He would come to school with bruised knuckles, scratches on his face, and more often than not bags under his eyes. Although he seemed exhausted, his smile and upbeat self usually didn't seem to waver. His eyes did however seem to say otherwise whenever his honey brown irises met yours. 

Unless he flaked on an important commitment, you didn't display emotions or words for his lack of presence. His world didn't revolve around you and you accepted that. You reminded yourself to try not to hold him back from what he loved because you were a good friend and wanted what was best for him, even if it was draining him. 

"I'm free to study for algebra after dinner tonight." You stated to the brunette, looking past him out the city bus window as the buildings, and trees whirled past you. You weren't looking for an answer at this point, just giving him an open invitation to come over if he had nothing better to do on his Thursday night. You saw him nod out of the corner of your eye as he leaned his head against the pole you both were holding onto and closed his eyes. The bus was quiet this morning as you watched the orange sunrise dance over the brunette's features and could hear the beat of whatever song he was listening to through his headphones. 

A GPS like voice came over the bus intercom as you turned the corner. "Grand Central Parkway at 65th Avenue". You pulled the chord on the side of the bus for the bus driver to stop and gently shook the brunette's shoulder. As you saw his honey coloured eyes once again, you nodded in the direction of the door for you to both get off. 

You were early to school today seeing as you made the transfer bus in time for the first time in forever. Walking through the dewy grass on the field together, you pointed at an open picnic table near the tennis courts. 

Setting your backpack down, you opened it grabbing out two granola bars and an apple. The brunette slumped down beside you to face away from the sun. As he set his coffee on the table, his head immediayley went into his folded arms. You placed one of the granola bars infront of him, and sat facing the courts. Stretched your legs out and crossing your ankles, you flipped through one of your novels, quickly finishing up your AP lit reading before class. 

"Thanks." You heard him pipe up in a monotone voice as he shoved the granola bar in his pocket. You nodded, nose still in your novel. He knew by now that he didn't have to put on an act around you. "We gotta go in, in 20. I'll wake you in 15, kay?" 

He nodded as his head was back in his arms, facing away from you. You heard him let out an audible sigh as you finished up the last of your notes. 

"Pete?" You ask hesitantly, resting your hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond. "You know, you can tell me anything right? I won't push you. The offer still stands. No judgement. Alright?" You say quietly, softly rubbing your hand down his jacket clad back and let it drop off to collect your things and pack up your bag. 

The alarm you set on your phone goes off as you see him prop his head up and wipe his eyes on his sleeve out of the corner of your eye.

'Oh Peter. Sometimes, as close as we are, I wish it didn't feel as though there was a cement wall between us.' You thought to yourself as you scrolled through your phone. As you both stood to walk up to the school, to your surprise, as cold and distant as he had been recently, he pulled you into his side. You wrapped your arms around his torso giving him a quick hug. 

After taking attendance in home room and catching up with MJ about her latest find in the school library, you were dismissed to your first period class. "Leave your window open at 6." You heard the brunette pipe up at your lockers. "Always." You nodded, giving him a small smile before parting ways to your classes. 

You quickly glanced at your alarm clock on your desk reading 8:30 pm. Quickly realizing you were running out of graph paper in your notebook as you flipped to a fresh page, you scribbled down the next practice question. Your headphones blasted one of your new favourite songs as you disconnected them from the bluetooth on your phone to play out loud. "Do you feel like your irrelevant, do you feel like your just scared as fuck.." You quietly sang along, writing a note to get more graph paper in the near future, as you heard a thud from the window beside you. 

Swiveling in your chair, you look up to see the silhouette of the brunette. As he steps into the light of your desk lamp and sits on your bed you can see his eyes are red and his knuckles are beginning to bruise again. He kicks off his sneakers as you hesitantly stand from your chair to go and to sit beside him. 

He immediately buries his face in his hands as he quietly cries. You try your best to not show the hurt on your face from seeing him like this as you gently rub his back. You go to sit behind him up against the wall. You bring your hands around his waist gently holding him, letting your legs dangle on either side of him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

When you no longer hear uneven breathing, you sit back up and one hand goes to the hair on the nape of his neck, softly playing with his locks, while the other gently rubs circles on his back. 

"I'm sorry." You hear him sigh out. "Im so fucking sorry." He pleads as he begins to cry again. "I'm here. Just breathe Pete." You say calmly as you wrap your legs around his waist and hug him tighter. You take deep breaths for him to mimic to try and calm him back down. 

"I keep fucking up Y/n/n, and I don't know what to do anymore." He painfully lets out. You take in his words and quickly think of an appropriate response. "Everyone I try to become close with has ended up hurt or passed away, I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and have to fill his shoes. No matter what decisions I make I still always end up letting someone down. I'm just so fucking tired Y/n." Although his words are a jumbled mess to you, you nod. You let go of the tense brunette and sit beside him. "Take your shirt off and go lie on your stomach." You say to him as he looks at you somewhat confused but does as he's told and props his head up on his folded arms. 

You can see the faded scars and healed wounds on his arms, shoulders and back, wondering who gave these to him. As you sit straddling his waist, your hands go to his shoulders and back massaging his tense and knotted muscles. He lets out a big sigh of relief after realizing what's going on. He softly mewls as you gently work the knots out. Once all the tension in his back and shoulders is gone, you lay close beside the half awake brunette. 

"Thank you." He states sincerely, as he rolls to face you. You know that his words of gratitude are for more than just the back massage. You nod, reaching your hand up to run your hands softly through his locks to relax him further as his eyes flutter shut at your touch. "We're all only capable of so much Pete. Please, don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's a hard pill to swallow but its impossible to win every battle and win everyone over. I know it's easier said than done, and it'll take some time to figure everything out, but I'll be here every step of the way though alright?" You whisper softly, and reach for his hand giving it a squeeze as he nods. "I'll let you get some rest." You sigh out, sitting up, bringing the blanket at the end of the bed over his larger frame and bend down giving a kiss to his temple. "Goodnight love." You whisper.

After another hour and a half of battling through algebra questions, you quietly change into some sweats and open up your netflix account to get your mind off your math problems and your worries of Peter. Picking up your laptop, your half empty waterbottle falls to the floor with a thud. Your gaze darts over to your bed to see the naturally curly headed brunette sound asleep. Your heart flutters as you catch him pull the covers up to his chin and nuzzle his nose into the pillow and blankets while he curls his legs up into the fetal position. You sit on the floor beside your bed as the light from the movie on netflix illuminates your bedroom. You have the subtitles on and the movie on the lowest volume as you rest your back against the bed frame. 

After a few minutes you begin to hear the brunette stir and roll over to face the movie. "Is this that BoxTrolls movie?" You hear him croak out in a deep voice that makes your heart flutter. "No, this one's Paranorman. It's in my top 5." You respond, your gaze still on the screen. You feel his fingers playing with the ends of your hair softly, trying his best not to disturb you even though you've seen this movie more times than you can remember. 

He pushes all of your hair over to one of your shoulders and rests his chin on the opposite one. "You know, you don't have to sit on the floor right? I don't bite Y/n." He states sleepily in your ear. You quickly catch your breath at how close he is as you comprehend the words coming out of his mouth and nod standing. You place your laptop on your desk chair and wheel it over in front of the bed. Looking over to the brunette laying confortably in your bed, he holds the blanket open for you to get in. "One sec." You say as you take off your hoodie, revealing your white tank top underneath that clung to the hills and slopes of your natural curves. You had ditched your bra long before the Brunette had arrived, remembering that it's laying in the clothes hamper and not on your body. You looked back down to see the brunette's arm still holding the blanket open, his honey eyes on you. They slowly wandered down your silhouette to see the loose sweatpants hung low on your hips and back up to meet your gaze. The dark room concealed the deep blush you felt on your cheeks from his gaze. 'Too late now..' you thought as you climbed under the blanket. Your back rested up against Peter's larger frame. His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "Is this okay y/n/n?" The brunette questioned. You nodded, trying your best to calm your breathing as you felt his warm, gentle touch on your skin. You hoped and prayed he couldn't hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest. 'I feel so safe and at home in his arms but the last thing he needs right now is a girlfriend. And why would he want to be with me anyways. We're just friends and he probably just needs physical affection from someone right now.' You thought to yourself. 

You let out a soft sigh at your thoughts. "You okay sweetheart?" He asks softly, as you feel his warm lips peck the back of your exposed neck. Your face is on fire at this point. 'He's just tired Y/n. Calm down. Dont say anthing stupid'  "Yeah, I just feel safe in your arms." You murmur loud enough for him to hear. 'Idiot. You ruined it. Shit shit shit.' 

It became deathly quiet between you two. You could hear his breathing, the rain hitting your bedroom window, the cars driving on the street below, your upstairs neighbour walking around their apartment and the dull volume of the movie playing from your laptop.

"Y/n/n?" You heard him whisper.  

You rolled over to face him, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his warm cologne and body wash as you wrapped your arm around his waist and tangled your legs in his. Although you didn't have all the answers you were looking for, this the closest you two had been in over a year and you were happy that he was finally starting to let down his walls. 

He stroked your hair, planting a kiss on the crown of your head. "Goodnight love." He mumbled before all the sounds around you in the silence of your bedroom coaxed you to sleep. 

You had woken up to your alarm at 6:30am to find the spot beside you empty. 

The brunette swore that was the best sleep he had had in months he thought, reminiscing as he climbed down the fire escape after quickly showering and getting ready to meet you before catching the bus. You heard a knock on your window before he slid it open and sat on the sil. He fiddled with tge metro card in his hands as a small smile crept onto his face watching you concentrating on finishing your eyeliner and mascara. You take a step back to look in the mirror to see if your wings are symmetrical, seeing the brunette looking at you with a sheepish grin in the reflection. He looked well rested for once, his eyes kind and soft, glancing at you in adoration. Your heart beats out of your chest as you spin around to look at him. 

"One sec." You say quickly rushing out to the kitchen to grab some food before packing up your bag. Pulling on your coat and beanie, as you walk towards the window sill the brunette is lounging on.

"Before we go, I uhm... forgot to tell you something.. last night." He says looking down at his hands as you reach out gently hold his larger ones. "Y/n.. I uhm-" he looks up at you, scanning your features, trying his best to read your emotions. You see him glance down quickly at your soft lips. 'I can't take this. Screw always being a good friend.' You thought as you leaned in, placing a hand on his cheek and a soft kiss to his lips. Your thumb stroked his cheek as he leaned back in for another. Your forehead rested against his. "Was that what you wanted to tell me?" You asked in a hushed tone, looking down at his lips again. He nodded before giving them another peck. "Uhm.. we better go before we-" "oh.. yeah, your right. Shit!" You say, quickly checking the time on your phone. 

As you dashed down the fire escape and towards the bus stop, his hand never left yours as you jogged behind him giggling at his antics of repeating "Shit" as he saw the bus waiting for you at your stop as you both jogged towards it. You couldn't see it but for the first time in a while, a genuine smile adorned the brunette's face and through whatever he was battling with, knowing you were by his side, there would be plenty more to come. 

[psychewithwings]

Love Bakugo Pt 5: The Letter

The red light of the sunrise was just starting to appear over the horizon. Tears were already brimming in your tired eyes as you opened your sock drawer. You took out the letter, which you kept at the bottom. You’d felt it would be well hidden and kept safe there, especially since your sock drawer, was your own. Looking at the letter, the memory of that night was becoming more and more clear. It was just after graduating UA, and Momo had thrown a party at her house for everyone. You had gone out to the garden to contemplate your entire future. You were half excited, half terrified to start the rest of your life. You were staring into one of the many fountains when Katsuki had come to stand next to you. “I don’t know how to feel about it either...” he’d said. It was the closest he had ever admitted to being scared. “I just don’t know if I’m ready... to move on,” you had said back. You turned to him, and you remember being surprised that he had such a soft expression on his face. He placed his hand on your hip, “do you remember that day in the stairs when you made me be your friend?” You touched his arm, and slowly stroked up and down his arm with your fingertips. “I didn’t make you, ya goon, but I remember that day.” He hadn’t been furious that you’d called him a name, it was then you knew something was changing. “Listen, I’m glad it happened, that we became friends... but,” he took a deep breath, “I don't wanna be friends anymore.” He leaned down and captured your lips in a thrilling kiss. He pulled you into him with his hand on your hip, and the other was holding your face. His lips were softer against yours then you’d imagined. He was gentle but fiery and passionate as always. It was the first time he had kissed you and you felt like you were being ignited from the inside out. He pulled away and said simply, “I’m not great with... this saying how I feel crap, but I know I gotta do it, so here.” He’d shoved the letter at you, embarrassed. “Read it, then give me an answer.” Here you were, years later, you’d kept it but never given him an answer though you’d read it at least 100 times. You turned the envelope over in your hands. It was blue, it had your name written on it in Bakugo’s unique and surprisingly neat handwriting. On the front, he’d placed a sticker of a small cloud. The letter had been opened and closed so many times that the sticker didn't hold it together any longer. You took out the letter itself, a single tear found it’s way onto the paper. You were crying for real now as you read the letter, it went as follows... Hey, I’m shit with not the best with saying how I feel, so I figured I’d try writing it out. That day in the stairs was the beginning of my feelings for you. Sometimes when you’d beat me in a match, and turn me into a damn sniveling puddle of a man for you, I’d pretend your quirk hadn’t worn off so I could just say how I feel. I don't know if you feel the same way, and I hope that by now I’ve gotten the courage to kiss you. I love you and I want you to be mine, even if it’s just for a while. But I don’t like that many people and I like you, so I wouldn’t mind if you were mine forever. Just let me know, do you want to be mine? Do you want me to be yours? I want us to belong to each other and Im sure that sounds fucking stupid but it’s true. If you do, I’m waiting for you right now. And if you don't, it’s okay. Just know I will think about you, care about you, always. Yours, Bakugo Tears were streaming down your face but you grabbed your phone and called Katsuki anyway. He answered on the first ring but he waited for you to speak. “I don’t deserve a second chance, I-I don’t even deserve for you to hear me out. I should have told you what I was thinking at the time but everything was changing a-and I was just so scared. And this is so stupid but I was scared of being truly happy... for once. Because- if I ever did something...a-a-and messed it up, I don’t know if I could handle that...” You tried to slow your breathing, to collect yourself, to say everything you’d held in for so long. “Katsuki, I love you, I have for longer than i’d like to admit, and I’m so sorry I waited this long to tell you. I’m so mad at myself right now- but I fucking love you a lot okay? I don’t care about the revenge anymore because... I feel like the point of it was- I just- you care about me more than anyone ever has. I love you, I love you, I’m sorry-” He hung up there. He’d said that it wasn’t too late at the car earlier but maybe he’d had time to think about how long it took you to come to this place and maybe he had changed his mind. He had a right to. After all, it had taken you years to admit this, why should he still care about you like that? You held your head in your hands as you cried over the loss of love. The love you’d tried so hard to make real between you and your boyfriend and the true love that you’d let get away with Bakugo. You felt like you were being swallowed whole by regret. You flopped face down into the mattress and wailed, freeing yourself of the guilt and anger and sadness that you’d held back for so long. 

“Hey babe? What’s wrong?” your boyfriend was finally back from his escapades it seemed. You lifted your head, your breath shaky. “Get out,” you said softly. “What’s wrong with you huh?” You whirled around now, “What’s wrong? What’s fucking wrong? You’re cheating on me!” you yelled at him. He jumped back, worried, but quickly covered his fear, “what are you talking-” “you know exactly what I’m talking about you piece of shit.” You were staring him down, waiting for his resolve to break, “babe, it was work.” “STOP LYING!” You were done, you ran to the closet and grabbed a suit case. You laid it on the bed and started ripping open drawers, throwing your clothes into it. “We can talk this out babe, I think you’re overreacting a bit, it’s a misunderstanding, if you’d let me explain-” “Fuck you.” You were shoving clothes and other precious belongings into the case. You went back to the closet and grabbed another suitcase. You picked up an armful of sweaters, dresses, and coats and threw them in, hangers and all. You grabbed your jewelry container and took out a pair of earrings he’d gifted you a year ago for your anniversary. “You can give these to that other girl,” you said as you chucked them at his head. He dodged them and then shouted, “you’re acting crazy! there’s no-one else!” You stopped and put your head in your hands. “Katsuki told me everything weeks ago, he saw you coming out of the closet with her at work.” This time his face dropped for real, “he what?” You didn’t answer him this time, just continued packing. “I was planning on getting revenge for your cheating on me, Katsuki was helping me do it, but now I don’t care about that anymore.“ Your ex boyfriend was standing against the wall, puffing out his chest to keep his ego in check. “You know what? I haven’t been in love with you for a long time, and it took all this for me to figure that out.” You could tell those words stung him. “Where the hell do you think you’re gonna go huh?” You were zipping up the second suitcase, “I honestly don’t know, I just know that right now, I’m leaving you and I’m never coming back here...”  “He’s the fucking cheater, he should be the one packing up.”

You whirled around. Bakugo was standing behind you, in the doorway of the apartment. “Katsuki,” you paused taking him in. He was wearing the same clothes from earlier and his eyes looked tired from lack of sleep. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you advanced towards him. He smiled and put his hand on the top of your head. “I figured you were mad... cuz you hung up and-” he stopped you, putting his hand on your cheek. “I just couldn’t tell you this over the phone, I had to see your face, tell you in person...” You waited, studying his softened expression. “I’m not just gonna be your rebound, I’m in this for the long run and it’s all or nothing. So you better be serious about us because I’m dead serious.” He was staring into your eyes, searching for the truth behind them. The tears welled back up in your eyes. “You are so much more than a rebound, and I am very serious, but I want to take things slow and do this the right way... I don’t want to rush in and ruin it.” Bakugo brushed his thumb along your cheek and you leaned the weight of your head against his palm. “You’ll ruin nothing, and as long as I have you... it’s not slow.” Your ex boyfriend was standing in the doorway watching the entire exchange. “Oh I see now, you thought that just because I was having sex with someone else you could go and make a whole new relationship?! You’re such a bitch you know-” “Shut the fuck up...” Bakugo  growled then turned towards your ex-boyfriend. “Oh buddy, you better start packing up right now before I destroy you.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “No Katsuki, it’s okay, I’m leaving. I want to.” Bakugo looked as if he wanted to argue, but instead he walked straight into the bedroom. He looked your ex-boyfriend up and down, before punching him directly in the face. You watched in delight as your ex crumpled to the floor, holding his nose and whining. “You’re scum, I want you to remember that,” Bakugo yelled before picking up your bags and heading towards the door. “You’re sure you wanna leave?” he asked. You nodded, “I want him to be alone in this house, think about what he did... and I don’t wanna be anywhere that I shared with him.” Bakugo nodded and gave you a smirk, “then you’ll stay with me.” You had told him you couldn’t do that, you wanted to take things slow. But as he was putting your bags in your car for you he spat, “tech, where the hell else are you gonna go?”

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