#AND I was super focused on getting it done asap

[tourturestarradio]

𝐒𝐄𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍

"𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬, 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐚 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬?"

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Mutant reader

Prompt: He knew not to get attached, he knew better than that but he couldn't help himself, it always ended the same.

Warnings: typical violence stuff, blood, angst/ slight (???) comfort, character death, code name for reader is Venus (it won't be used a lot)

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮

Staring at the flower Bucky reached out to touch the petal, it was a Cyclamen flower. The petals were soft to the touch, taking in a deep breath he pulled his eyes away from the flower hearing Steve call out to him "Buck! come on" taking one last look at the flower he walked away a heavy feeling in his chest that didn't go unnoticed by Steve.

After that Bucky seemed off, like something was wrong. Overall he just seemed preoccupied, but he needed to clear his head asap seeing as it was putting the mission in jeopardy.

By the end of it they had just barely gotten the job done. Now Steve wasn't going to get all up and angry at him Bucky already seemed upset so he'll speak to him later when he feels more relaxed.

Upon getting back to Avengers headquarters, Steve glanced at Bucky "Buck" he called out, he looked back at his friend, a look of sadness still lingering on his face.

"Are you alright? You seemed distracted" he asked, Bucky paused thinking for a moment "yeah i'm fine" he answered, Steve looked at him "Bucky i've known you a long time, I know when you're lying" he pressed, Bucky let out a sigh "just seen something that reminded me of someone" he explained.

Steve focused his attention onto Bucky hoping he'd explain further but he didn't, "it was that flower wasn't it?" he asked, Bucky snapped his head over "thought I didn't notice" Steve said raising a brow, Bucky clicked his tongue "what type of flower was it?" he asked.

Bucky looked away but still answered "cyclamen flower" he muttered, "it was a flower someone I used to know used to grow" he explained, Steve tilted his head hoping he would explain further, "it was while I was under HYDRA's control" he added.

Steve nodded "do you want to talk about it?" he said crossing his arms, shaking his head Bucky walked away.

Entering his room Bucky sat running his hands through his hair memories of his days with HYDRA washing over him, well not HYDRA but his memories of you.

Venus, well that was your code name due to your mutation, you could grow and manipulate any life form that had a plant cell in it. That wasn't quite it though, that isn't where you got that name from though, it was an add on to your mutation.

You could split your face open, revealing a row of sharp teeth just waiting for the right person to stick their nose where it didn't belong and snap your jaw, well face shut like a Venus flytrap would.

Despite the brutal nature of your ability, you were the nicest agent among HYDRA, now don't be mistaken you weren't working for them willingly, you had no choice.

You'd destroy that place from the inside out if you could, but they quite literally had your heart in their hands. And the other soldiers liked you. So they'd let you patch up or heal the other super soldiers due to your ability.

After no matter if it was the tiniest cut or a bullet wound the winter soldier, would be back in your clinic. He just wanted a reason to be around you, which was a case for a lot of the other super soldiers. He wouldn't speak, but he'd still listen to what you told him, as you worked on him like it was a normal conversation.

You wouldn't pester him about his mission, and if he completed it or not, you'd do your job and take care of him. You didn't ever seem frightened or nervous to be around him like everyone else, you didn't hold your breath every time he moved.

Now you were nice but that didn't mean you were an idiot. You had encounters where a soldier tried to kill you more than once, so if a soldier got a little too rowdy you puff a decent amount of lavender powder into their face to keep them calm while you worked.

You always keep your guard up around everyone...except Bucky. You trusted him. No matter how many times he asked you the answer was always the same "you've given me no reason to distrust you." to you it was a simple answer.

But to him it meant the world, you knew all the wrong doings he did and yet you still trusted him. And it showed. If he was okay with it you'd stand close to him and go about your regular work.

If he'd asked to stay in the room with you for a little while longer you'd let him without question. There was so many times he could have killed you all the perfect opportunities and yet you'd still let him go close to you.

But you trusted him.

You cared for him.

He remembered it like it was yesterday, he'd returned from a tough mission limping into your clinic weakly calling out to you.

You grew out some tree vines to help him stay up, you cursed under your breath "I told them not to send you on another mission." you muttered, a few aconites growing out of your head as you tried to calm yourself.

Placing him down, you glanced up at his eyes "I'm taking this off okay?" you muttered, carefully you tugged off his tactical gear he muttered a small pained "okay" you cut off his blood stained shirt, Bucky groaned in pain you looked over the few bullet holes he had scattered across his torso.

To distract himself from the pain he glanced up at you "talk, please" he groaned, you thought to yourself for a moment before speaking "there's a plant called the corpse flower, it's the largest flower in the world it's about 10 feet tall and 3 feet wide if I remember correctly." you explain, taking out the bullets placing them aside.

"Why's...it called a corpse flower?" he asked, you took the last bullet out. You began cleaning the wound "well because when it blooms it smells like a corpse" you chuckled, grabbing a needle and thread you grew a lavender flower out of your palm "this'll hurt a bit, wanna go under for a bit?" you asked, Bucky shook his head "no, just keep talking" he stated.

You nodded placing the flower aside, "okay" you started patching him up "ya'know when I grow things I get a little connection to them, I can feel what they feel for a moment" you hummed, Bucky glanced at you for a second but he didn't say anything.

"You got a favorite flower?" you asked, he shook his head he could barely remember the flowers you'd talk about but he remembered what they looked like, you'd grow them and tell him what each flower symbolized. There was one and only one flower he'd remembered.

"Hellebores" He muttered, it was a flower that could bloom even in the winter time.

You looked a little shocked for a moment muttering "you remembered..." a small smile gracing your face. It was very rare for any of the soldiers to remember any of your previous conversations, so to you, you wanted to jump for joy but you'd have to keep calm for now.

You walked away for a moment, grabbing some bandages "okay snowflake sit up for me please" you commanded, Bucky never understood why you called him that so he finally mustered up the courage to ask "why do you call me that?" he asked, slowly sitting up.

Standing in between his legs you started wrapping a bandage around his torso, letting him smell the faint scent of dirt and flowers coming off of you."Well um, I don't like calling you a soldier or winter soldier. It feels dehumanizing, like you're nothing but a weapon." you explain.

Looking at his tense blue eyes before looking back down "ya'know? I know it sounds stupid, but I just think it's wrong, and I like snowflake better" you finished, a smile gracing your face.

Your smile was so soft, welcoming, you were standing so close to him. He could observe you, he could see the faint light in your eye the way you lightly bit your lip as you focused on wrapping him up. He was so close he could just-

"hm-um Snowflake?" you blinked, feeling his flesh hand touching your face, his fingertips running over cheek. Once he realized what he was doing he yanked his hand away as if you'd burned him.

He muttered a small "sorry" to which you replied "it's okay" simply. Though you made a note of how comfortable he was enough to touch you.

He stared at you his heart thumping faster, you were about to move backwards when he grabbed onto you, not want you to move away just yet.

"Oh!...do you need something?" you asked, blinking he let go "grow me a flower." he commanded, you tilted your head "that's now how you ask" you say, putting away your things, the soldier sighed.

This is what he means, you treat him like he was just a regular person like a...friend. He was a super soldier, and you were making him say 'please' like he was a child.

You crossed your arms waiting for him to say it, it got to a point where you were both having a stare down before he inevitably gave up "grow me a flower...please." he mumbled, you smiled "there you go sweetpea." you hummed, holding out both your hands Bucky saw a misty glow come from your palms a large flower growing before blooming into a pink camellia.

"What does this one mean" he asked, running his hand over the petals, you plucked the flower from your hands "it...means to live a good life" you lied through your teeth placing the flower aside.

Bucky stood up "why'd you pick that flower?" he asked, You gulped trying to subvert the conversation "well you're a lot more talkative today" you hummed, you knew it was wrong, you shouldn't grow so attached but you couldn't help yourself.

Bucky made a face but before he could press further, before the door to your clinic burst open "Soldier on your feet" one of the men said, Bucky turned his attention towards the handlers, standing up without hesitation.

"You'll be flying out tomorrow, prepare yourself" he spoke loud and clear, you snapped your attention towards the group of men.

Before Bucky could leave thorn vines shot out to block his path "no he will not." you stated, the men looked over "and what position do you think you have to stop him?" he stated, cocking his head to the side.

"He needs time to heal. He barely made it out of his last mission before sending him on another one. He may be a super soldier but he's still a fucking human" you state a disgusted look on your face. The thorns growing sharper.

Orange lilies and tansy flowers growing around you the more irritated you got. The men knew not to push you too far you were friendly but were still a mutant, and you weren't very fond of the handlers, scientist, and agents that worked for HYDRA. You only gave a form of sympathy to the soldiers.

Who knows what horrors you would do when you were angry. The main man clenched his fists "he gets a week to recover." he stated before turning his heel and leaving "damn mutant" he spat.

You relaxed your posture, your thorn vines disappearing "sorry bout that Snowflake" you stated, Bucky didn't pay attention still thinking back to what you'd said earlier.

He's still a human?

He's still just a human.

You placed your hand on his arm snapping him out of his state "are you alright? You can stay here for the night if you want" you offer, Bucky shook his head "no." he stated, "are you sure..." you asked, concerned about how he seemed so stern again.

'We were just starting to make progress...' you thought to yourself, Bucky grabbed his things "i'll be going" he stated silently, you looked at him with a worried expression watching him go so suddenly.

Bucky knew he shouldn't get close to you, it would only cause trouble. He knew better, but he felt human around you, he could forget his troubles just for a moment. Just for a second.

But he knew it was wrong, it always ends the same...

And as much as he would like to be proven wrong, he knew he'd never know peace, or tranquility.

Not after the sins he faced, the lives he's taken, the lives he's ruined.

He couldn't taint you too, you were the last piece of hope he had at feeling whole, but he knew it would all come crashing down even if he wanted it to or not.

You were a lush green forest that thrived so well, and he was a forest fire waiting to turn you into ash.

And he proved himself right.

Soldiers had been going missing left and right, and the scientist that tortured them suddenly going missing as well.

While the soldiers weren't seen again the scientist bodies being found as an obvious warning. Someone was threatening them, and it was all too obvious who it was behind this.

Bursting into your office your head looked up a smile that graced your face upon seeing Bucky but disappearing as you realized he was brainwashed again, you'd been found out.

'Shit.'

Getting up quickly you grew enough thorn vines to wrap around him stopping him in his tracks.

Throwing him out of your office you quickly escaped out using your ability you created a wall of sturdy tree branches blocking the soldiers and Bucky from getting to you.

But it was futile as the wall was set aflame, you could feel the prickling heat burn your skin, but you kept moving despite the agony you felt.

Through the burning you felt something shoot through your abdomen, making you tumble into the ground. The pain almost made you vomit as you looked up seeing Bucky.

No, no that wasn't Bucky, nor Snowflake. That was the winter soldier staring you in the face, you created a wall surrounding you.

Bucky ripped the wall apart, you could have put up a fight if this was anyone else, but it wasn't anyone else.

You didn't want to hurt him.

The trust you built between each other slowly crumbled as he grabbed you by the throat squeezing hard "c-come on...Snowflake...it's me" you muttered through strained breaths.

He only tightened his grip, his cold blue eyes stared into your watery ones "please don't make me do this..." you whispered, that look in his eyes faltered for just a moment.

You were slowly getting through to him but your vision was growing blurry, you didn't have time to talk him down, so without missing a beat you spit a powdery substance into his face before kicking him sternly in the chest.

He dropped you trying to wipe the powder off but it started to burn. Catching your breath you scrambled up on your feet running for the exit, you could hear him yelled out in pain as the gimpy gimpy powder started to set in.

You felt horrible but you had to escape, you did all you could by setting those new super soldiers free, that was your only goal and if you hadn't been discovered you'd continue on. You'd tell them where to go and who to find for help.

Before you could make it out you heard another gun shot ring out. this time closer to your heart making you collapse onto the ground, another super soldier grabbed you slamming you through a wall making you land outside.

The soldier pointed their gun at you muttering "traitor" but before they could pull the trigger a tree branch stabbed through their chest. You dropped your hand making the tree branch fall under your command.

Releasing a shaky breath you crawled further into the forest dragging yourself away, you could feel yourself getting weaker by the second.

Pulling yourself against a tree you tried healing yourself but your powers were unstable, you were unstable, gulping you felt a pit form in your stomach. Was this how you die? Shot by a man you wished to call your lover?

You were pulled out of your thoughts as you heard a twig snap, your tired eyes were wide open now seeing Bucky standing in front of you. You trembled in your place "please Snowflake..." you whimpered.

Holding his gun up you squeezed your eyes shut, and a gun shot rang out into the forest. But you didn't feel anything, looking beside you, you saw the tree had a bullet hole in it. Looking back you only heard Bucky mutter "don't move." you listened and made your body as limp as possible.

"Did you kill the traitor?" on the other soldiers asked, "yes." he said coldly, you dared not make a peep listening as the soldier walked away "mission complete" he stated.

Leaving only Bucky and you, slowly opening your eyes you looked at him "why did you-" "Go. Go and never come back" he stated, you gave him a small but tired smile "I couldn't even if I wanted to Snowflake" you say, lifting your shirt enough to show him the bullet wounds.

His eyes went wide.

No, this can't be happening...

You shuffle to sip up "this is the end of the line for me" you mutter, watching Bucky walk closer to you "Venus-" "Y/n....just call me Y/n" you sighed, Bucky tried to pick you up but your used your tree vines to pull him back "stop it, it's a waste I've lost too much blood" you explain.

He shakes his head "help. I'll get you help" he stated, he ignored your words guilt washing over him as he tried to suppress the heavy feeling in his chest.

You waved him off "Bucky it's fine, i'm right where I want to be, if I die I get to die where I belong, not in that horrid place." you hummed, running your hands over the dirt.

Bucky grabbed you again trying to move you "s-stop, stop! It'll be okay Snowflake, just know I lied about what the pink camellia meant" you chuckled.

This was no time to be laughing, Bucky cradled your face in his hands "...Y/n...I'm-I'm sorry" he muttered, you shook your head feeling how his hands trembled.

"that wasn't you, it's okay, just never forget no matter how hard they try to make it seem... you're not just a soldier, you aren't a weapon, you aren't a monster, you are your own person" you said, blood spilling from your lips.

The light in your eye that Bucky grew to love was slowly fading, mimicking his and there was nothing he could do. His eyes were glossed over "...please don't..." Bucky whispered, a hammering feeling in his heart.

He dropped his head not wanting to face this harsh reality. But you carefully raised his head, your once warm hands now cold and clasping his. "Snowflake please, please look at me" you called out.

He slowly lifted his head up "it'll be okay...you know my favorite flower is a cyclamen flower, I don't think I ever told you that" you muttered, cyclamens started to grow up and out of you covering you're body as Bucky tried to swat them away.

"Snowflake...come here" you muttered your grip on him growing weaker he leaned closer, you used the last bit of your ability to push yourself forward pressing a small kiss to his forehead.

"I love you...please don't forget me..."

And just like that.

You were gone.

The one person who made him feel safe, was gone. That cold feeling washing over him again, laying you backwards against the tree he noticed your smiled stayed in place while your body became one with the earth around you.

-★-

Peeling his eyes open he could feel something wet touching his face, quickly wiping his face he realized a few tears had fallen, with a sigh he looked to the potted flower that was on his nightstand touching the petals he wished you could see how far he's come.

He looked at the pink camellia, knowing you'd be happy to see him taking care of one of your favorite flowers.

Getting up he walked out missing the way the flower subtly moved to feel his touch again.

.

.

.

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮

A/n: Expect more Bucky stories, the amount of research I had to do to figure out what different flowers meant, ughhh anyway I have plans that I cannot share with you right now *insert that one freaky sonic meme* anyway thanks for reading!!!! Have a good day/night!

[anincompletelist]

spideypool fic recs (part one)!

hello! :D I apologize once again to my rwrb folks for flooding the dash with these guys, I promise we will return to regularly scheduled programming ASAP!

but for my friends that might be interested, you can thank @incalamity who poured gasoline on my metaphorical spideypool shaped fire as of late. I've been losing track of my favorite fics so I thought I'd put them together here!

as with any recs, please always be sure to check the tags and heed any warnings in the notes etc. (esp if you're coming from the rwrb space, spideypool has very different themes! sjdfgjdgf)

happy reading! x

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Domina(tion) K(ink) by Vixen13 | E | 18k

Wade gets off on pain. Wade gets off on praise. These things aren’t really a big deal until he accidentally pops a raging boner while getting a tattoo. The weird part is that his artist, Peter, doesn’t appear to mind.

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this side of paradise by thistleraven | E | 6k

a sex pollen fuck buddy fic. For the record: the whole thing is Peter’s fault. They’re sitting on a rooftop, nearing the end of patrol, when Peter decides to jab Fate right in the eye and flip her the bird for good measure. "—and I was sure it was about to be a sex pollen disaster, but thankfully," Wade says, knocking on his temple for good luck, "just some classic, springtime eau d'jizz from those pear tree things." “There is no such thing as sex pollen,” Peter snorts derisively. Wade points accusingly at him. “Now you’ve done it! You’ve Invoked the Trope! We’re doomed by the narrative now!”

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The Moist Demanding Chasm of His Mouth by RatPapi | E | 4k

Deadpool gets a look at Spidey's fangs and immediately wants to know more. Lucky for him, Spidey doesn't put up too much of a fight. There's a lot more spider than he bargained for, but Wade certainly isn't complaining.

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A Helping Hand by Lunastories | E | 7k

Ever since the spider bite, Peter hasn't been able to come. Every time he gets close, his senses get overwhelmed and he ends up frustrated and unable to orgasm. Enter one Wade Wilson who is very good at making sure Peter focuses on him, and only him.

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Prove me Wrong by Fredegund | E | 26k

There aren’t many things Wade Winston Wilson's good for as an omega. He's male. He's large. He's at least a head taller than most alphas out there, alphas who like their omegas dainty and petite and female. So no, there aren't many things he's good for as an omega.  Peter sets out to prove him wrong.

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atlas by a_cry_in_the_wilderness | E | 3k

The first time that Wade tells Spider-man that he’s beautiful, the hero laughs in a way that makes Wade realize that there’s a wound that he’s accidentally brushed against. It’s too late to stop the bleeding, but he tries to compress it anyway. Peter Parker alludes to not looking how Wade expects underneath the mask leading Wade down a spiral reflecting on his own insecurities and expectations.

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Web Wonder by LinksLeftTit | E | 9k

Peter had felt odd as of late, the weeks passing into autumn following his birthday had been strange. A sense of urgency had begun building under his skin. Tingling raptures of pinpricks he had never quite experienced before. It set him on edge. The same sense begging him to hole up inside. To be safe and warm inside the concrete barrier of his apartment. All Peter felt was an insatiable heat.

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My Boyfriend's a Murder Bot by Fredegund | M | 55k

Wade Winston Wilson is ugly. His skin's inside out. It ripples and moves every second of every day, at constant war with the cancer. Vanessa put on a brave face for him when she first saw the changes, but it turns out even she can't stomach the sight for long. He's ugly and alone and nothing will ever be good in life again -  If only that were his only problem. But Weapon X is at it again, under crisp new management, turning orphans into super slaves and bringing out the big guns to make sure nobody interferes this go around (namely one Pool comma Dead). So now, not only is Wade alone and ugly forever, but he's got a bit of a pest problem in the form of a black-clad murder-happy man spider with a collar around his neck and an unhealthy obsession with tying Deadpool up. So maybe it's not all bad...

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Tiny Entanglements by MargaretKire | E | 6k (DO NOT read this if you have a fear of spiders ksjdgfkjsdgf)

Spider-Man has some hidden desires. So does Deadpool. Things get complicated when Morbius claims to have a cure for Peter’s ‘impure’ DNA. Or: Three thousand spiders in a suit fall in love with Wade Wilson. Featuring: Spider interludes

Mean It by Twisted_Mind | T+ | 6k

Wade shakes his head. “If I’m your friend, you gotta let me feed you—them’s the rules!” “Yeah, well, apparently if you’re my friend, the rule is I give you cancer, so.” There’s a beat of silence as Peter realizes belatedly that that inside thought became an outside thought without getting approved by his brain, and Wade is entirely still and silent.

-

and since this is all terribly self indulgent, here's a few that explore wade's mutation (and chronic pain specifically) in further detail:

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cradle by macaronigrille | M | 8k

Peter’s encounters with Deadpool are initially only fleeting. He doesn’t know much about him, simply that he’s a trained mercenary for hire who’s nearly impossible to kill.  Impossible to kill, maybe. But as Peter spends more time with Wade, he realizes that Wade is not unbreakable. From broken fingers to head injuries, Peter teaches Wade how to be cared for, and Wade returns the favor when Peter needs him most.  (Or: 5 times that Peter helped Wade with his healing factor, and one time that Wade returned the favor.)

-

nerve induction by silvermarie | E | 8k

Peter and Wade have a very brief body-swap that leaves Peter reeling with what he felt in Wade's body - and what Wade clearly felt in his. Peter decides it's time someone took Wade's pain seriously. What use is being a scientist if you can't help your violent mercenary bro?

-

+ one wade/peter/logan for my fellow multiship amigos <3

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joyride! by ilyasomina | E | 3k

"What are you doing, Wade," Logan spits out through gritted teeth. "Stop fucking around. Leave the kid alone." Wade laughs, low and mean. "The last thing he wants is for me to leave him alone," Wade leans in so his lips are against the fabric of Peter's mask. "I bet you'd love someone else who can tame you as well as I can. Maybe Logan here, hm?"

(Or, Deadpool introduces Wolverine to New York's friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.)

-

and finally, my two (as of right now) spideypool fics:

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bite your tongue on purpose | M | 6k

This might be the first time Peter’s ever noticing it. Everyone assumes Wade's incessant talking is a distraction tactic, or a form of torture, or simply to be a brat, even once the threat has been neutralized and they’re all winding down. But it isn’t. Peter recognizes it because he has the same thing, just presents in different ways. It’s anxiety. [or, five times peter recognizes and helps wade with his anxiety, and one time wade does the same for him, even if it looks a little different.]

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down swinging | E | 6k

Wade wears his designation like the leather of his suit; skin-tight and confidently and demanding the attention of everyone in—or outside of—a room. Like he can’t even help it. Unapologetic, and so comfortable with it that he likes to shove up against all the stereotypes without a second thought. Even if he didn’t have the physical build of an alpha, it just makes sense for him. Peter, on the other hand, has never been as comfortable with his own. [or, peter is convinced that there are certain parts of himself he'll never be able to share again after his mutation. wade changes his mind, and peter ends up doing the same for wade, too.]

-

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.

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more to come probably, but this one was getting a bit long so here she is! see you all soon! :D

x

[angelosearch]

Some little life updates...

Hello friends! I have busied myself since the end of the semester.

First thing I did was watch my husband beat Expedition 33. Fantastic ending to an amazing game. Even though the parry system intimidates me, I think I am going to have to play it for myself at some point. It's just too good!

Then I went away to a wedding shower which tested my already stretched social stamina. It is amazing to me that most people do not realize I am socially anxious until I tell them (or maybe they are just being nice?) - after every major social non-work related interaction, I spend the next 5 days replaying everything I said/did and hating myself for it. It is exhausting and makes me never want to return to public again 😮‍💨

After that, I went to the nerve doctor again. I was told after my nerve study that I had a pinched nerve in both elbows but my symptoms were just manifesting in my wrist. But now after 6 weeks of trying to be more mindful and wearing the braces and heelbows and doing the exercises, my doctor says she thinks it's not only my elbows but ALSO carpal tunnel and I need surgery. Obviously this idea terrifies me so I did the completely rational and not at all self destructive thing and ducked the office's call to try and schedule said surgery. But really, Idk, I think it's getting better?? I am going to try and get a second opinion.

Of course, before I got that news I had already cleared out my craft room/office/studio of everything. The remodel train had already left the station, so I started pulling up carpet and putting down flooring. Now, I am painting. You know, all things recommended when you shouldn't be straining your arms. I am going to regret this...

I am doing the remodel basically by myself and I have no experience. I am also very short. I am also trying to have it all done by May 31, when my classes start back up, because I kind of need that room for homework and such!! So between all that, I've been putting myself in pain and doing a pretty shit job. But, on the other hand, I know I will be proud when it is all done. And do you know what color I have CHOSEN for my studio?

Blue.

Specifically the shade is called LAGUNA BLUE.

YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!

Anyhow, as I've been chipping away at that project, I've been listening to some audiobooks, first Piranesi, than Legends and Lattes, and now The Body Keeps Score. I am absolutely loving the latter - it is all about how trauma physically manifests. I've had it recommended to me a billion times and I am so glad I am actually reading it.

It is super interesting but also it makes me realize what a freakin' textbook trauma case I am. It's a shame - I wonder what would be different about my treatment if this book was published a few years sooner or if the author's DSM revisions were actually published. And of course, ironically, I put too many hours in a row into the remodel and leave myself in tremendous pain after because I spent all that time disconnected from my body. As I say, "I am a terrible judge of my own somatic experience" - a symptom of trauma that comes up in the book!!

Unfortunately, in this time "off" that I've had, I've barely written. Part of it is being busy and focused on my goals, but I've also just fallen out of the habit, which makes the warm up/on ramp to the actual writing that much longer. And I am less obsessed with my ideas. As a result, that means my brain is not using my favorite characters as chew toys as normal, and instead I am ruminating on such classic questions as: am I dying? What if I am doing everything wrong? What if I understand nothing? Am I unoriginal? Do I deserve the life I have? Am I the worst person ever? Does everyone just put up with me? Is everyone mad at me? Does everyone hate me?

(certainly, these kinds of questions are not trauma related... Right? 🙃)

I have to get back to writing ASAP or the glue holding my brain together is going to melt away haha

But then again, there is SO MUCH stuff I need to do while I am not in class aaaaaggghhhh I have no idea how I am going to catch up. Can anyone tell me how any adult manages to stay on top of their shit??

Oh, last thing: I truly went to Joann's for the last time. They were practically giving stuff away and I got a TON of embroidery floss. And then I color sorted it all because... Autism, probably.

guess I have no excuse, I got some fiber arts in my future!

[the-stove-is-divorced]

HEY SO GUESS WHAT I NOTICED LATELY AND KEPT THINKING ABOUT AND WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU

Mata and arajin both kinda achieved what they wanted to some part?

OK LEMME EXPLAIN : mata wanted to be stronger (why? To never be left behind again) and he did just that

Arajin wanted to be braver I think (why? To never leave behind a friend ever again)

And guess what

Come on guess it

THEY BOTH DID DO JUST THAT, BUT ONE FOCUSED MORE ON THE GOAL RATHER THAN THE WHY (Mata, with his delusional belief that getting stronger will solve everything) AND THE OTHER FOCUSED ON THE WHY MORE THAN THE GOAL (arajin, with him simply deciding that you can't leave behind a friend if you don't have any, he truly is the smartest idiot out there)

Mata is now much much stronger, maybe not the strongest but still, and arajin is much much more brave, maybe not the bravest but still much braver, especially when you see how they used to be and how they are rn

LIKE COME ON. COME ON. LIKE, ANOTHER LAYER TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND I KNOW IT'S A SIMPLE ONE TO NOTICE BUT I DIDN'T UNTIL TOO LATE AND GOD, THEY BOTH WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED TILL THE GOAL AND THE WHY BOTH GET ANSWERED, AND THAT WONT HAPPEN TILL BOTH DROP THEIR DELUSIONS AND WAIT IS THIS A LAYER OF NEVER FEELING LIKE YOU'VE DONE BEFORE IM SEEING??

(sorry for rambling, it just been circulating my mind for the past three days and my god I need that 2 hours analysis video asap)

OKAY! Finally had some time to give this my full attention, took me a minute. Hope the wait wasn’t too long. (Also trust I’ll get to your comment back but I try to reply to everything which means I need time to sit it down and Do That but I’ve been busy as shit UGHHH)

BUT RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE ADDED LAYERS OF THIS DYNAMIC IS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOD. I’m so glad you mentioned this because I didn’t quite notice it as an added bit of their dynamic, but they both, as the should go, got a little bit of what they’ve wanted!!!! Which is really charming that they both kinda stay stubborn in their ways, regressing or simply doubling down respectively, and then actually both grow a little bit by the end! While obviously they should progress (or land somewhere other than where they’ve started until that’s another point/purpose), it’s just a charming detail they did get something, by actually dropping the delusion/confronting a bit of who they are and what things are actually like in reality.

They make me so ill, I think. I love my little bad coping mechanism mfs. They rlly thought if they just just dug their heels in, stubborn as shit, double down again and again, it’d just work out. Like no. Dumbass. I love them, though. They match each other’s narratively, but they haven’t caught got to the actual bestie / seeing each other completely yet. (SOBBING ABOUT IT ARAJIN LET DOWN UR MASK PLEASE—) (THERE IS MORE TO YOU I KNOW IT)

Also it will never not be funny to me Arajin rlly went giving “I’ve ever met this man before in my life”/“we’re not friends -_-” energy and Mata is just: “no we’re best friends :) best friends forever :) I’m simply ignoring what you said, you’re just a silly little jokester we’re the best friends in the entire planet trust me! We never stopped being friends! We’re super duper close! Fav guy in the whole world!!”

I love my pair of unreliable ass mfs, never trust them to take control of narration, you’re gonna be lied too.

Look at them. Unreliable ass mfs. I love them so much. They’re so precious to me. Unstoppable force vs unmovable object ass dynamic. Mutually not seeing each other ass dynamic. Denial buddies. Driven by fear ass mfs. “What if I just doubled down” like that’ll do anything. Idiots. I love them so much oh my god.

ALSO PLEASE SHARE RAMBLES AND IDEAS AND ALL THAT JAZZ! I love yapping about stuff like this! I’m just sluggish at replying back cause I’m gonna be busy as shit for a couple monthssssss.

[crimsonthornedrose]

So..

I had been gone from here because I wasn't doing great! I will explain more in a minute, but some good things have happened since I've been gone and some not so good things have happened!

Not so good things -

🌿 The stiff person flare that landed me in hospital lasted an entire month which is the longest it's ever lasted, and affected muscles which aren't usually affected.

🌿 My ataxia was then triggered extremely badly for the first time in years, and I had intense vertigo with loss of balance for about a week or two.

🌿 I had an emg and nerve test finally but I'm still recovering from the pain of the needle going in multiple muscles as it's really sore still and I can't raise my right arm most days!

🌿 I had to call 111 as I had extremely intense abdominal and back spasms coming in waves and vomiting all night long at one point. Not sure what it was my condition spread into my abdomen or inflammation or what.

Though it kicked me up the butt to overhaul my entire diet.

Good things -

🌱 I have an app with a neuro close to me, it had to be rescheduled because of the snow, but should hopefuly now be on my way to getting a firm treatment plan in place mainly from having to go into hospital and the tests, so something good came from it! 😄

🌱- Once that's done I will be getting myself an electric wheelchair instead of struggling up the hill each day on the school run etc! 😅

🌱 I will have my entire overdraft paid off in May this year finally 👌

🌱 I've lost total of 1st 10lb as of today and I'm doing really well with my weight loss journey! I'm really taking my health seriously for the first time in years and have overhauled my entire way of eating, I'm eating lots of organic veggies and fruits and making things compeltely from scratch. I have also stopped binge ordering takeout.

🌱 TMI - In completely cutting out my intolerances/allergens even with cross contamination and overhauling my diet. My pcos has got much better and for the first time in a few years my last period lasted two weeks instead of months! Usually I don't come on for months at a time, and then come on for months super heavy. So that's made me very happy! :)

🌱 I've decided to buy my sisters house that I'm currently in, we have talked about this and so from July I will be opening a lifetime ISA and the extreme saving will commence haha but I should be able to put down a deposit around 2027👌

🌱 I am currently dating someone and he's extremely sweet and lovely and I'm seeing him again in February, but right now my sons father doesn't have a car at the moment to look after our toddler, but he makes me happy so we will see how things go, I have high hopes as he gives me reciprocated energy I've wanted for a long time! 😅

🌱 I am super into home decor at the moment and super focused on making my home extremely lovely, definitely found my vibe which is very bright colours and a little retro/quirky - dopamine decor haha :3

🌱 Me and my toddler had the best time in his school holidays we did so much crafting, playing and having fun everyday haha it was great! 😁

What's been going on -

🌲 The reason I've been all over the place the past few years, is because I've been 100% certain I have bipolar. It's become more obvious to me as the years go by and I recognise my own behaviours and patterns. I've been in denial over it over the stigma that comes with it. One of my family members has it and I didn't like the way some other family members talked about them, which kind of made me try and make it anything but, super long pmdd, seasonal depression etc. But I can't be in denial any longer and I'm ready to seek the help I need.

🌱 I have an app this month with the doctor but will most likely be taking myself privately because I want to get on the right meds asap and it could take a long time with the NHS.. It's tough having to deal with constant euphoric highs and rock bottom lows every few weeks/months as I rapid cycle.

🌱 I am just coming out of a really severe hypomania phase (but tbh I did get my entire house organised and sorted, have been ontop of everything, super happy) but then now I've been coming out of it the past few days, I've been extremely over the top irritable, sad and just bleh.

🌱 But.. Today I feel very calm, normal, stable and happy again! More like my normal self. So hopefuly I will have a nice normal period before I crash back into depression, ha!

🌱But, I have downloaded this app to track moods so I can print it out bring it to my psychiatrist.

🌱I've also downloaded a journal that I can do voice notes and it transcribes it into writing. So when I am crashing I'm not babbling it all on here ha.

🌱I will get myself sorted no matter what before the middle of this year with it, but atleast now I can recognise when I'm actually having an episode and I'm trying my best to put things in place to help me, like batch cooking and getting as much done as possible during my high phases to benefit me during my depressive phases ha! 😊👌

🌱 I also don't get paid until later in the month now which is an extreme blessing because during my hypomania episodes and even depression (where I can binge order takeout) I now can't physically do that and during my hypomania phase I managed to screenshot everything I wanted to impulsively purchase, and I have a list of about 60 things. So thank god for the change in payment schedule. I am determined to stick to my budget per month.

🌱 I've been looking up a lot of self help stuff on YouTube for bipolar and have a lot of new ideas in ways to help myself in the meantime, plus the guy I'm dating is very understanding of this too, so I'm very happy ☺️

[kissitbttr]

I need the making up part asap or i will lose my mindddd 😩

okay look, i have these two concepts in my head where im extremely confused with, choose which one u guys prefer before i start get to it jdjdjdj

1. a super messy thought where muñeca is ‘catching up’ with frat!toji during the ‘break’ with miguel, one that happens before the two boys met. they run into each other at some party or something after months of not seeing each other. and since toji was the only ex that ever treated her right, all those feelings come rushing back. then they begin seeing each other more often, like making out and dates(?). muñeca is going to be a lil toxic in this one, but hey? girl’s got the right to go insane after what miguel did <3333 (this will have three parts)

2. where muñeca isn’t a red flag lol. instead of hooking up with random dudes and getting back at miguel, she focuses on herself. getting her work done, focusing more on cheer practice, hanging out with the girls etc. miguel realizes he can’t live without her, every aspect of his life is falling apart. and it tears him to pieces at how well she’s functioning without him. so despite her avoidance , he’s going to fix everything. eventually they do talk about the fight, he apologizes and makeup sex <333

[deesi-academia]

i know youre not a studyblr but as a senior can you please give any suggestions on managing 12th boards and competitive exams (im a jee aspirant but i still wanna know how you managed it all) hope its not a bother!

hiii sure!! feel free to reach out whenever, im happy to help <33

okay so. what i suggest you do (assuming you'll be starting 11th this year):

1. Enter 11th std. Don't get intimidated by others. Stay focused on understanding the concepts of all chapters, school exams toh derivations and formulas rattkar bhi ho jayenge. Clear concepts now rather than saving it for 'later'.

2. Practice all PYQs and whatever questions you get for maths. You can only do maths with practice × 100000. It's honestly quite tough, or it's too lengthy.

3. Fully strengthen the 'easier chapters' NOW. Own the knowledge like you made the concept.

4. Enter 12th. Let go of 11th from april-september and fully finish 12th std as soon as possible. Cover all concepts (I believe physics in 12th is relatively easier) and learn all formulas by your midterm exam time at school.

5. USE YOUR SUMMER VACATIONS WELL. COVER ALL BACKLOGS THEN AND THERE. (I regret procrastinating soo much 😭)

6. Just revise 12th entirely and focus on PYQs during October.

7. Nov-Dec go through 11th std again thoroughly, don't take too much stress for preboard cause hopefully you've prepared for 12th strong enough already. Don't take preboard marks to heart!!

8. January, do only and only JEE PYQs and cover whatever backlogs you have. Physics formulas must be learn to the heart. Understand organic chemistry basics very very well, cause it will help predict complex product formations too even if you don't remember the actual reaction!! Maths again, only practice or God can save you 💀 (I'm sorry I'm really scared of maths so maybe this is a biased reply!)

9. Now you'll have board practicals likely in Jan end or Feb only, just make sure your file is complete and you know the basic procedure of experiments. Don't stress too much about viva, usually your own teachers will help you through it!! Focus on practicals as it helps with conceptual JEE Qs too!!

10. Now simply focus on learning derivations and long answer type questions for upcoming boards. You've done enough for JEE and it's time to strength subjective answers. Focus only on cbse board PYQs and again, don't stress too much. Be confident you've worked so hard!!

11. Now the April attempt. Again start focusing on 11th at least 2 weeks before your JEE date. Revise 11th very well.

12. Lastly, solve sample papers only. During the last 3 days I recommend not studying. Only sample papers. With full syllabus. No chapter-wise or topic-wise. But yes if you still don't have concepts cleared, definitely do that asap. Still try to be fully prepared 3 days before the actual exam!!

That's all <33 I made it as detailed as possible for anyone to refer to. Set a goal and follow through guys!! I know it's super hard and yeah 11th mein vo feeling nahi aati, but trust me, if you can push yourself hard in 11th, you won't have to worry too much for the April attempt for sureeee.

All the best <33

[dead-generations]

wow. I am regretting my focus on rocketry and not keeping up with payloadery. because everything going with Vast is amazing! Super exciting stuff, really really smart architecture and scope and planning. focusing on getting a simple single module station in orbit as fast and as cheaply as possible is brilliant and will put them ahead of everyone else, and they can leverage that into developing their real ambition for Haven-2.

Focusing on an externally identical modular scalable system is also so smart, as they can adjust or scale up or down (likely down) their ambitions based on market demand. and no one knows what market demand will be. the focus on minimal on orbit assembly is brilliant.

Very tight design, very realistic goals and read of the market, really intelligent design methodology, and just a brilliant idea to focus on getting something operating ASAP to learn by doing.

And they have done this all so rapidly, in next to no time. The big competitors in Skylab and Orbital Reef have had years more time, millions of NASAbux and direct oversight from NASA and Vast will have a commercial station in orbit and operational before any of them.

Definitely much more realistic and well planned than Orbital Reef - which is basically gaurenteed to both over promise and under deliver to NASA and still be too big for the market as it will exist. it's also moving faster and has a better operational timeline (planning for 3 years between Orbital Reefs launch and becoming operational is nuts. and they don't even have a crew vehicle to get to OR). I'm not sure Orbital Reef can win a contract realistically, it just costs too much and is too big and too ambitious and too slow, but Bezos is really good at winning contracts via lobbying and lawsuits

I still love skylabs 1 launch 1 station approach and I love that they're utilizing the era of big fairings we are in to maximise what you get from one launch. I can see ESA being keen on the design and if it is easy to manufacture they could provide bespoke stations just for ESA, JAXA or USSF. Haven-1 or 2 could also do this for cheaper but less space, which might suite JAXA and USSF quite well.

[gorillastraylight]

4e Project 0: Let's Talk About Worms

Alright, hopefully my players have blocked the tag. With that done, this is the first *real* post in my series of records and thoughts as I try to convert a long-form 3.5e D&D campaign to 4th edition. In this post, I want to talk about the campaign itself and provide some background info - a kind of overview before we get into the nitty gritty. Going forward, I'm going to have main posts that go in depth on the conversion process for each individual adventure, with some smaller posts (called "worm food" in the tradition of the campaign) containing thoughts about what the process is reaching me in regards to philosophical differences between editions, game design, etc; or just like individual parts of an adventure that I find especially interesting. There'll be a table of contents post here. Now, let's talk a bit about the campaign I'm trying to convert: The Age of Worms. At the risk of doing an xkcd's comic abt quartz here, I'd say AoW is one of the more famous prewritten campaigns to come out during D&D's 3.5 era, it's one you hear a lot of discussion about on forums and already has a fanmade conversion to 5e (which I'll be using as a reference point throughout my project). The campaign path consists of 12 separate adventures, all published serially in Dungeon magazine between 2005 and 2006. Each adventure was designed for a 4-character party and was intended to elevate the party by a level or two, taking them from level 1 all the way to 20 - this is a serious ass long-term campaign. The plot ramps up pretty decently from standard low-level shenanigans (the stated motivation for the party in the first adventure is literally the classic 'raid tombs get money'), to being heavily focused on stopping the return of a horrific eldritch-horror-undead demigod (Kyuss, who's been lurking in the background of various D&D books since like AD&D) about halfway through. It's apparently notorious for being pretty deadly as well, and I certainly believe it. Adventure 1: The Whispering Cairn

It's kind of odd by the standards of modern prewritten adventure design, but this campaign starts off with a classic dungeon crawl in search of treasure. It opens up into a more interesting quest afterwards, trying to find a ghost child's bones in order to get to the dungeon's real treasure, which will lead them into their first hints of the coming undead worm problem. A lot of the traps here are really nasty, and the dungeon is pretty combat-dense; also I can envision some parties getting pretty annoyed with being sent off on this crazy chase just to finish up a dungeon; but overall I'm a fan of this adventure. 1.5: Diamond Lake

There's a lot of info on this shithole mining town that the PCs start off in, with tons of cool locations and interesting NPCs, to the point where I feel like an AoW campaign would be incomplete without the DM adding at least some plotline with the party getting wrapped up in the local power struggle between mine owners. Fortunately, this won't be a problem for me, as my group will almost certainly try to start unionizing the minors and upending the town's power structure ASAP. The fact that the campaign seems to expect player groups to be basically fine with how shit the town is is definitely a mark of how the "default" game has changed.

2: The Three Faces of Evil

Usually recognized as "the shitty one", this adventure is pretty much entirely a big dungeon crawl. It's super lethal, the connective tissue between it and the first adventure is weak as hell, and frankly I find the whole "three faces" cult and its relation to Kyuss to be a bit bizarre, like in a weird misdirect-villain way. Also the text is full of typoes and some maps are labelled badly. Of all the adventures, this one is the one I suspect I'll be altering the most. 3: Encounter at Blackwall Keep The first of many "go talk to a wizard about this wacky shit" hooks, Blackwall Keep has a fine adventure trapped in it somewhere (that adventure is mostly 1982's 'Danger at Dunwater'). The players fight off lizardfolk raiding a frontier keep and then track them to their lair to rescue a wizard they need to talk to about clues uncovered in Three Faces. The fact that the adventure really wants them to kill the lizardfolk does not read well today, it's definitely reflective of the more morally ambiguous character of the default adventurer back in the day. The "villain" of this one is literally an escaped arena slave lizardfolk, no offense but I doubt my group will be killing him. It does a good job really setting up that this whole worm thing is becoming more of a problem though, and the initial siege fight of fighting the lizardfolk could be fun. Plenty to talk about with this one. 4. The Hall of Harsh Reflections Another "talk to a wizard" hook, this adventure takes the PCs to the Big City (Greyhawk by default, but could be whatever)! This is kinda neat, taking them from po-dunk Diamond Lake to the city is a good representation of escalation. Really, this is the first part of a 2-adventure arc, and has some genuinely neat intrigue elements involving doppelgangers impersonating the PCs to commit crimes, a hidden mind flayer overlord, and ending on the best cliffhanger/forboding note yet. I suspect I'll have to make very few changes to the actual storyline of this one.

5. The Champion's Belt *Fuck* yeah. Cool ass tournament arc where the parties are also trying to stop an evil cultist plot to kill the audience and raise them as undead (very reminiscent of that one bit of the dnd movie). All kinds of neat gladiator shit, opportunities to meet and roleplay with other adventurers, a dungeon crawl through the hidden halls of the under-arena, and an iconic final fight against an Ulgurstasta. The dungeon bit is pretty long, and I think there'll be some interesting challenges in adapting the Ulgurstasta. 5.5. The Free City

Like Diamond Lake, this is a big background section about the Free City (again, Greyhawk by default). This is helpful, but I like it less than Diamond Lake just bc the connection isn't there. The PCs should for sure have an opportunity to have a Big City Caper(tm) here, likely between adventures 5 and 6. 6. A Gathering of Winds Fuck that title, this is Return to the Whispering Cairn baby! This gimmick of going back to where you started to do new shit gets me hype every time. This adventure also gets points from me for having A FUCKING DRAGON FIGHT! HELL YEAH! (for now, these will get much less cool and special later on). As written, the dragon devastates Diamond Lake before the PCs arrive, and I like that - especially if they took time between adventures to work on making the town better (which mine certainly will), it feels devastating and adds a personal stake to the adventure. This one also has a long ass dungeon crawl (making use of both Ds is always nice), and feels like a fitting send-off to the more episodic early parts of the campaign. From here on, it's all kyuss all the time, baby.

7. The Spire of Long Shadows. There's some wack-ass shit in this one. Spire is the big lore-dump adventure, where the PCs learn about Kyuss and his backstory and whatnot - and the dungeon crawl through his ruined city to get it has some very neat survival horror potential. Outside of talking with a wizard (yes! it's the third 'talk to a wizard' hook!) at the start, there is very little non-dungeon crawling combat content here, which is fine but will present a challenge to 4e-ifying it without murdering the pacing. Also, there's a weird inclusion about a Pit Fiend who wants an artifact that the PCs found in the last adventure but who is never mentioned again and has no connection to Kyuss - might be cool, I guess, but just seems strange. Finally, this adventure sets the PCs on the trail of Kyuss's cult all the way to [next location].

8. The Prince of Redhand FORMAL BANQUET, YEAH BITCH! I FUCKING LOVE NOBLE PARTY ARCS!! After a great deal of dungeon-crawling, Prince of Redhand is a pretty welcome diversion into the realm of intrigue and heavy roleplay. The vibes are fucking rancid, which is exactly what you want for this tense intrigue story. Any more will have to wait until the detailed writeup, but this adventure might be my favourite of the lot.

8.5. Alhaster Another area writeup, this one's really great! Less shenanigans for the PCs to get into between adventures (which makes sense as the plot has ramped the fuck up), but does a great job detailing the town and creating an atmosphere of like, I dunno, New England creepy oldness? Also there's a scary evil angel of Hextor here who fully activates my switch reflexes.

9. The Library of Last Resort 🎵It's the Mystery of the Druids, they all have an attitude🎵 Much in the vein of Spire, the PCs talk to an expert and then go off in search of secret knowledge - in this case knowledge of Kyuss's great lieutenant's (the dracolich Dragotha, allegedly the first dracolich) phylactery. They travel to a hidden island with an ancient druidic library, undergo trials to impress the library's fey wardens and access it, and then trip balls to discover the phylactery's location. It ends with a kind of neat idea that because the knowledge is no longer sealed up in the library, it's back in the world again and Dragotha will be able to remember it soon, setting off a bit of a race. Pretty cool - also, the Hand of Vecna is here, which is fucking sweet.

10. Kings of the Rift Oh boy, this is one hell of a dungeon crawl. Now, to be fair, the PCs aren't really expected to do all of it, and it's also fucking sick. They're caught in the middle of a battle between a city of giants (where the phylactery is) and a flight of dragons sent by dragotha to go and get said phylacery. It reminds me a little of the one part of dark souls 2 where you witness the giants invade Drangleic. We get some reoccuring NPCs here, and the fact that you don't have to fight the giants is pretty cool - I'm excited to dig deeper into this one.

11. Into the Wormcrawl Fissure Here it is - the dungeon crawl to end all dungeon crawls (at least as far as AoW is concerned). With his phylactery destroyed, all that remains to the PCs in preventing Kyuss's rise (as far as they know) is destroying Dragotha in his lair. Unfortunately, his lair is an eldritch realm nightmare death-zone infested with his subordinate dragons, undead worms, and a ton of disgusting terrors. It follows the same trend that several dungeons so far have (go around and find several parts of a thing to advance), but does it in a kind of new way - Dragotha is a terrifying boss fight and a great capstone to a really nasty dungeon. It ends, of course, with the knowledge that one of their benefactors betrayed them and Kyuss is going to rise over Alhaster etc etc - it's one hell of a lead up to the finale.

12. Dawn of a New Age. Man, this one would be hell to run in 3.5. As the world falls to madness around the PCs, they desperately try to stop Kyuss's emergence in Alhaster (I guess it makes sense in the story, but I almost would have liked to go back to Diamond Lake). There's some very dangerous encounters here, and two pretty funny details - 1, that it's still formatted like an AoW dungeon in that the party has to do three side objectives before the finale, and 2, they have the opportunity to travel to the actual factual Tomb of fucking Horrors in order to hijack that sphere of annihilation in the first room for use against Kyuss. Is this fucking rad or wack ass fanservice? I don't know. The ending post-Kyuss is cool. I like it a lot.

Hoo boy, big post. Probably mostly useful for reference, and it's worth noting I'm more familiar with the early adventures at this stage. There's definitely stuff to pick at and change here, and the campaign's heavy reliance on dungeon crawls (or perhaps, the fact that that's notable) is a neat indicator of game philosophy gone past for D&D. I'm gonna have my work cut out for me porting all this for sure. Excited to get more into Part 1: The Whispering Cairn! My first post there is going to cover the Cairn itself, with the one one after that going into the conversion process for encounters!

[happy-tori-friends]

Please elaborate on your ffxiv au 👀

- 🐑 Anon

its nothing concrete but i just like ffxiv...

some spoilers for everything - including endings shadowbringers and endwalker (everyone should play shadowbringers its so good)

i imagine its like an isekai just for funsies, so dont and did have to adjust to not having their abilities. and also being turned into the ffxiv races. they basically wake up on the cart/boat (i think alphinaud and alisae will be going to limsa via the boat in this au... idk if i'll ever write it but if its something ppl wanna see i am Willing...). tho they all have the echo. technically dungeons are meant to be 4 player but for our intents and purposes we're gonna ignore that. its My AU i get to make the rules

as for jobs... splendont is a marauder/warrior, splendid is a gladiator/paladin, flippy is an arcanist - for jobs he'd be a scholar and fliq would be summoner (tho fliq would also do reaper i think)

idk what the twins would start as but theyd end up switching to rogue/ninja asap, tho lifty would go machinist in heavensward and ive toyed with viper shifty. probably archer for a starting class just for gridania rep. i started at maurader on lifty just for easier access to rogue but that doesnt really matter. rip to splendid who is all alone in ul'dah.

now races... the twins are miqo'te, specifically keepers of the moon (bc thats what i made lifty)... maybe wildwood elezen. and flippy... xaela au ra (im an au ra lover... my main's an au ra and i have a secondary character thats also an au ra who i made to pair with estinien bc i like him was the second option for shipping my main w b4 i went with my beloved g'raha. i was gonna put a picture of my main, honoka miyashiro, here but i forgor. lovingly known as honk.) i was thinking au ra for super bros but i think flippy au ra is better. still not sold on elezen tho. maybe hyur? 23rd the 2nd benchmark comes out maybe i'll make them in that? theyre gonna questioned for their names but... oh well.

ive done arr a few times but ive only played the 2.1+ patches very little (im not done with post endwalker yet either i just started 6.4 but i started levelling reaper after the last trial) so i dont remember Too much (im gonna new game plus some things + i could stream ffxiv lifty's adventures) but i do remember many key moments. i'll put a cut here bc im gonna get into story events

i pulled up to the inn to look at the unending journey. but the openings are basically the same except flippy and dont are working together + the twins are too, and the city-states all send out envoys to each other for funny 'oh hey we all had the same idea lmao' moments and they all get directed to go to investigate sastasha (not b4 the twins take up rogue, getting disappointed when they realize they're actually supposed to maintain the code) where they all meet again and everyone is like 'yay thank god you're okay' and of course after copperbell and beating up some dick, all the scions show up and say "hey you're pretty cool join our club :)'

okay i haven't thought too much about story things in main arr + what grand company they join. but. i think if i go the route of different events being focused more on different characters in place of the wol, splendid being the one to be framed for poisoning nanamo might work best bc he does start in ul'dah + being framed like that kinda fucks with him mentally - 'i should've been more diligent, i shouldn't have just picked something up and kept it, how could i have been so blind?' and being considered traitorous + seeing all that happened at the bloody banquet is. well it's... a lot, especially for him (though he probably thinks he should be used to it considering canon htf but in see what develops he did get sick when he saw mime's body. i think. may in fact be misremembering).

splendont holding the twins close to him as they want into ishgard bc its cold and they can barely see through the snow... and the twins thinking 'we've done something good for once, we were celebrated as heroes and this is what we get?'

stormblood i dont have too many thoughts on either but if i go the route of flippy (or well fliqpy really) being the one to be zenos's main rival... i think fliq and zenos would have fun banter. also he would 100% do the reckless thing with yugiri and try to kill him with very little plan.

i think when there's split paths they do split up (aka at the beginning of expansions where there's different quest chains to start with) but thats all i've really thought about so far regarding some beginnings... i do know that i want splendont and the twins to be the ones to go to amh araeng bc them witnessing tesleen would be - that is if i even end up having flippy and splendid in shadowbringers bc they might stay back to help tataru and stuff... but having did there would make it a bit more painful so i dont know. splendont is considered the shard of azem here, (dont ask how if its an isekai its just how things seem to be rolling) and the one feo ul bonds with so it all ends up working out. also the exarch barely managing to bring all 3 (or 5) over when he finally gets it right is funny.

back on the subject of them having seen tesleen transform, it genuinely freaked them the fuck out and fearing it could happen to dont, lifty and shifty probably beg splendont to let them dispell some of the lightwardens' aether especially when y'shtola mistakes him for a sin eater and after qitana ravel where y'shtola is sure it is being absorbed and tells him to inform her of any side effects. but splendont says 'Absolutely Not. i can deal with it i'm not letting Anything happen to you.'

after malikh's well when he starts having pain and getting sick they beg him again, but he again puts his foot down. they fight about it, and the twins spend the night in a different room in pendants (they cant see ardbert anyways and have just thought splendont was seeing things).

things are tense throughout kholusia, and its very clear that lifty and shifty are afraid of what will happen when they kill the final lightwarden. then their fears are proven true when innocence is killed and splendont starts to turn because he cant contain the light and the sky they worked so hard to bring night back to reverts to the eternal day.

and despite the tension, despite the pain, he looks at them and says 'i promise... i'll be fine. i didn't want this to happen to you.'

'you fucking moron, this wouldn't have happened... if we shared the light,' shifty retorts but he and lifty are too afraid to get close, especially with urianger being weird. and all this time theyve gone with this in hopes of finding a way home, and now they might lose splendont and it feels like they'll never get home.

there's a lot of emotions going on with the exarch reveal bc they also dont want him to sacrifice himself just for splendont either but theres no other choice is there and then emet-selch comes in and that little bit of hope is dashed. and though ryne delays the inevitable it is still, at that moment, inevitable. they do their best to help the scions look for a way to save him but it's very clear that they're pessimistic, heartbroken. afraid that it's true that everyone they hold dear to them is destined to be taken away. if theyd fought harder, if they could have been more convincing...

i have more thoughts about shadowbringers (mostly with the twins being afraid splendont is taking up emet's offer) but i'll skip to the end so if i do write it i dont end up spoiling everything. but after ardbert fuses with splendont, lifty and shifty join him to fight hades alongside whoever else the exarch summoned... and when all is said and done and it's revealed that splendont is no longer being corrupted by the light, after they return to the source and have reported to tataru and krile, and they take a moment to breathe... they plead with him to let them bear some of his burdens, just as they let him do. even if it's for their sake, neither of them want him to do anything like that ever again, and they make him promise. they all cry about it, even dont, because Fuck that was probably so stressful. he does tell them what happened with ardbert though.

endwalker... endwalker. ultima thule in particular. while fliq would be the one to fight zenos at the end if i go the 'everyone has a part to play', and probably the one that gets posessed in 'in from the cold' i think i want dont to be the last one standing in ultima thule and extend it a little bit, in particular so lifty and shifty can sacrifice themselves for him. and at the very end when they are alone again he tells them not to scare him like that again. lifty responds with. 'it was like that for us too. that's why we made that promise. your burden was to go forward, and we helped you bear it.'

'we came back anyways,' shifty adds, but he 100% expected to just. be dead forever. theres a lot of crying again. ffxiv makes me emotional so it makes the characters emotional.

also in elpis splendont being like 'i am a familiar of azem.' and shifty confidently goes 'yeah and we're his familiars' and lifty facepalms. 'thats absolutely not how it works, shifty.'

of course none of this is fully set in stone. flippy and splendid might not even be included at all bc a lot of my thoughts are mostly dont lifty and shifty save for zenos n fliq (if i go this route, one of the twins would be made a pugilist and start in ul'dah) bc i dont have many ideas for the twins to have wol major moments other than thinking about them being framed for poisoning nanamo instead of splendid. this also got really long... i'm gonna have to do this arent i? ffxiv au yes or no poll when.

[cleaning-has-its-benefits]

Section three: Stranger's depictions in the fandom

So, I like to classify things, but trying to classify the different depictions I’ve seen has been a challenge, since they can be so varied, they often overlap and they depend a lot of each person’s headcanons and likes, but it also would be a mess to try and list every stranger I have seen!

But after a lot of thinking, I finally thought of a way to classify them! And that’s with this thing that I have called The Emotion-aligned Classification Model! Sounds fancy and everything!

so this is essentially (or an attempt of) a ternary plot! Primer taught me about it!

The way the model works is that this isn’t so much about emotions but rather personality traits associated with a given emotion and its more about a general behavior rather than an emotion stranger might be expressing at a given moment.

As a brief example: if stranger is shown to be exasperated and irritated at Sunny’s choices, frustrated at not being listened to in all this time, then he will lean towards the angry-aligned side. Instead, if he’s someone pragmatic that simply does what he’s meant to do and keeps a professional distance, then he will lean towards the neutral not-so-side of things. (this is more of a pyramid than a triangle but beside the name there’s nothing scientific in this model I invented)

I’ll get into more details in each one, but this in any case isn’t super well described and relies more on my memory and impressions rather than on actual analysis… but its all in fun, yea? If anything, this section serves more as promotion for different fanfics and fanarts, or so it was going to be but I got lazy so I still talk mostly of well-known stuff, or at least that I think is well-know, because I don't really pay that much attention.

Oh yeah I also have to mention the methodology or smth.

Well- I was going to be more methodological at first but since lately I’ve been going through some certificated RUFF TIMES! then I decided to just half-ass this section. This wasn't a study focused on the depictions of the fandom specifically anyways, so, like I said, whats written here mostly relies on my memory of stuff I had already read, tho classifying fanarts is easier. Theres no less than 30 pages in the stranger tag on ao3! I cant go through all of that! But it makes me remember the days when there were exactly 4 pages, take or leave it! So I guess I mostly go with older stuff since that’s what I remember best. (in other words, I didn’t reread stuff so what I say here surely wont be 100% accurate, or 90%, or 80%…)

Dunno if its relevant, but Im mostly staying in tumblr and ao3 for these depictions since that’s were Im usually at for fandom stuff. Maybe things are different somewhere else, maybe not.

(oh yeah, if any of the artist or writers mentioned here see this and want their work removed from the examples, just let me know and I'll take it out asap!)

anyways, I’ll start with

→ANGRY ALIGNEd

because this is one one of the most common, at least from what I see.

So, an angry-aligned stranger refers to one where he is more exasperated or irritated/frustrated than actually angry. In general, he is dedicated to his mission but also very opinionated about the whole deal. What will characterize this stranger the most is how he’s pretty outspoken and very done with Sunny’s bullshit, though to what degree that will depend on how much it leans into this corner of the triangle. In more extreme depictions, he might even go around swearing like a rowan! Tho I think that’s more for crackfics. Still, a swear or two here and there won’t be a rare thing with this depiction. He might sometimes also have an attitude of ‘Im surrounded by idiots’ and believe himself to know better than everyone else, which depending of how accurate this belief is will make him seem pretty arrogant.

Examples of anger-aligned stranger:

eh… I guess is rather funny that I said this is one of the most common depictions and now I can’t think of any example. I admit this isn’t usually the characterization that pulls me, so thats why…

in fanfiction:

but as compensation here you can have a fic of omori and stranger fighting to the death!

an tentatively I could put here the one from endless dreaming too? That fic is really long so it would take me a lot to even just skim, but at least from what I remember stranger could be pretty snarky and aggressive. Oh yeah wasnt there a popular mod about that? Maybe I should check it out someday.

in fanart:

eh… here’s one? Op deleted their tumblr so I cant link to the original but the signature is there.

→ NEUTRAL ALIGNEd

This is the second most common type of stranger… or the most common. Eh these two are pretty even in presence.

This stranger will be very dedicated to his mission, but unlike the previous one, he generally keeps his thoughts to himself. The best word to describe this type would be ‘professionalism.’ If this type of stranger is present, is very probable he will be a secondary character, mostly there to deliver useful information to the main cast, but he might not take direct action. When he speaks, he simply states the facts and doesn’t show any opinion regarding them. He keeps a professional distance, though in more extreme cases he can be cold-hearted, uncaring and even cruel, following a belief of ‘the end justifies the means.’

Here I also will place anytime stranger is given some sort of leadership role, or any time he’s portrayed as… damn I don’t remember the word, not exactly wise but he does know a thing or two and is responsible and reliable.

examples of neutral-aligned stranger:

in fanfiction: in it’s a long way down, stranger appears a few times to give advice to the gang about the trials ahead, thus fulfilling this role of being an informant but never actually participating in the story (at least from what I remember). He generally doesn’t show emotion, even when others thank him for his help, but he does find amusing the irony of having to advice omori as well.

in A rose of many thorns, stranger too appears mostly to tell the protagonists what they need to do an a bit of what’s going on in the world, though I would say this stranger leans a bit towards the angry side because he can seem exasperated at times. He also has a bit more of a role to play, either helping people escape or asking other to help out, but is more of a thing behind the scenes.

in the bridge I would say there’s too a neutral-aligned stranger, since when keeps a cold head when dealing with omori to help Sunny, never antagonizing him or loosing his patience and he rebates him with facts to calm him down. For that matter, he also doesn’t show any resent towards Sunny. Stranger simply aims to help whoever needs it for the best outcome, without judgment of what they have done. I also really like how he’s described as being like a guardian angel or a vengeful wraith, that line is really cool!

in my first friend, humphrey too he has a very small role of being an informant. Even when being antagonized, stranger gives advice on whats the right thing to do, but in this case his own perspective on what’s best differs a lot from that of the protagonist. Not completely related but I really like this concept of like, the knowledgeable ones not agreeing with each other, as daddy longlegs later expresses disagreement with stranger’s attempt to involve humphrey.

in A home for flowers (forget-me-not) stranger is shown as a leader figure!… at least from what I remember, which isnt much, but I remember enjoying this one, and stranger being afraid of becoming dictatorial like omori I think?This also goes with the idea of blackspace characters forming communities. Though my favorite scene is the one where everyone is at the church and certain someone shows up. Hey I should give this one a reread someday.

and here seems a good place to put one of my favorite, if not my favorite, stranger-centric fics out there! Which is chapter 25 from this whumptober challenge. Its a short one, but is so good on so many levels, but you know what gets me more than anything? What I love more than angst? Adoption. I guess deep down Im a softy… But This line here? “The Characters had been too malleable, had adapted, not that he could blame them. He wouldn’t have trusted most of them with his children even if they had not changed anyway.” that’s when this became one of my favs. If you only read 1 fic from this list, it has to be this one. Choosing compassion in a cruel world is also a theme I like, its all about balance yknow?

in fanart: … I guess any fanart where he just kinda neutral can apply here.

So I’ll mention first this one first! (og post) where stranger is seen with a friendly fella! Social butterfly meets stoic loner is always a fun dynamic.

in this one here he looks somewhat ominous. Its pretty common to have him look directly at the camera, isn’t it? I think is fitting, considering his deal is seeing beyond the illusions of the world.

I specially like this one here! Im not sure how to describe the vibe but I like it. The dead basils give it a nice touch.

this one is also pretty good! Because this time stranger is reacting to what omori is doing to Sunny, or maybe to how low Omori has sunk in order to keep Sunny in check, even if that means going against his wishes and hurting him into submission. Neutral-aligned strangers speak with the facts rather than personal opinion, so

and here’s another nice stranger looking at the camera! Even with the limited expressions a silhouette can have, theres a good range of vibes here.

→ HAPPY-ALIGNEd

Now here’s one of the rarest depictions! If not the most rare. You know how hard it is to find happy strangers??

anyways, so among the rare instances where stranger is smiling, there’s a depiction that most common so I’ll talk about that one first.

I would call this the vengeful or sadistic stranger, because the reason of his happiness is the suffering of another. His missions seems to be a secondary thing for him, if he even cares about that anymore. More than anything, he wants to get a kick out of making his enemies suffer, sometimes omori but more often Sunny. I guess then this depiction might be more common in post-hiki scenarios…?

But then theres the maniacal type of stranger! Which I would describe as having Basil’s issues but on steroids. Obsessive, possessive, you name it! This is a stranger with a lot of issues. I guess here he’s pretty desperate to get through Sunny and so resorts to extreme measures. The difference between a sadistic stranger and a maniacal stranger is that the sadistic is perfectly aware of what he’s doing while the maniacal has lost his mind.

But on the happy aligned we can also find some very wholesome strangers! And here’s for the strangers that are healing, at peace, and experiencing true happiness perhaps for the first time in their lives… tho these are extremely rare to find. But here I would put the post-good ending strangers that, after completing their mission, they go on a metaphorical journey to learn to enjoy life. Many decide to go with a ‘be your own person’ type of arc for these, but I tend to prefer the ‘recover what was taken away’, but that’s a different subject.

Funny how varied the happy-aligned types are! A bit of everything here!

Examples of happy-aligned stranger:

in fanfiction:

… I think I have never read a fic where stranger is happy. They exist, right?

in fanart:

I wanted to start with this lil comic first, because its a good example of how these three classifications can overlap a lot. Here, stranger is smiling amused at Sunny’s anger after having pushed him into the darkness. However, this would count as a very mild sadistic (not really sadistic, in truth) because he did this more to mess with Sunny a bit rather than to cause actual harm. This stranger overall is shown to lean more towards the neutral aligned, because despite him liking to mess with Sunny, he’s reliable in helping Sunny, but I place him here because a smiling stranger is a smiling stranger.

but here’s an example of an actual sadistic stranger, even if its still a pretty mild one. Here stranger looks very amused with himself while Sunny looks less than pleased with the current situation. Stranger surely notices Sunny’s discomfort and if anything that’s what he wants to see.

now here’s a manic stranger… as in, literally. He laughs, he cries, and he’s a mess.

but you wanna see my jam? Here it is. And here. Those scenarios where stranger gets to recover his identity as basil? Yes. Theyre rather niche though, but not as niche as herosaurusxbs!pluto so I can manage. After so much hard work, stranger finally gets back what he lost. I love angst but sometimes is also good to give some respite to the guy yknow?

and for last here’s one of the most wholesome strangers I have ever seen. Precious. Must be protected.

→ Sad-ALIGNEd

and here’s my fave! Though it isnt super common either and its a bit more tricky to describe.

But basically I’ll group here all instances were Stranger acts very similarly to Basil. More than anything, he looks tired, he’s visibly crying, his voice is weak and pleading, and at this point he has no idea of what to do to convince Sunny to change his ways before its too late. This stranger doesn’t have that much of a presence, and in certain way could be seen as the opposite of some neutral-aligned portrayal. He definitely isn’t a leader, he isn't intimidating, he doesn’t seem sure about anything, and he can seem quite pitiful. I’ll also put here those where he looks scared because I dont know where else to put those.

Examples of sad-aligned stranger:

fanfic:

in world of memories there’s a very nice sad stranger. This one leans a bit towards neutral too, but whenever he appears, he’s described as mournful, even after becoming hostile. Is always fun to read te perspective of outsiders about the story, so I’ve enjoyed this fic a lot even if I know nothing of kingdom hearts, except that it has a very convoluted story, apparently. Not related but I also really like Omori’s characterization here. I tend to gravitate towards the cold and calculating type so seeing this innocent and childish depiction is very fun!

in Blooming daisies stranger is shown to be lonely and longing, birthday sad hours! But he gets to have a nickname! And for once… things aren’t so bad. Overall a pretty wholesome fic.

in you opened the door for an apex predator, omori and stranger fight to the death again!!!!… but this time stranger is perfectly aware of how overpowered omori is and he really, really doesn’t want to be here, like, in general. In turns out as you might expect from sending a scared twelve-years-old to fight against a beast. But this fic is all about stranger’s lack of options and existential angst for being an imaginary being and thus ‘mattering less’ than a real being like Sunny. Hey maybe I should add to this type this idea of ‘although Im imaginary I still feel real feelings.’ at least he gets to have a breakdown but finally taken into consideration. A bit wordy but still a pretty good fic with some refreshing ideas, good angst and the power of communication!

Fanart:

here’s a perfect sad stranger, in tears trying to reach out to Sunny but to no success.

this one isnt tagged stranger but is still a sad image with Basil seeking repentance…or being forced to?

now this picture could be seen as more scary than anything, but to me stranger here is the one who looks more scared than anyone, curled up in a corner like that. Makes me wanna ask him what’s wrong. Poor thing. (warning for possible derealization!)

here you can have a very tired stranger as well as a stressed basil. Not too often you get to see stranger with eyebags! (op also deleted their tumblr)

and lastly, a video with stranger praying! A brief stranger but one of my favorites. (warning for some flashing lights)

→ OTHER dEPICTIONS

Now my emotion-aligned classification model goes mostly for characterization, but it won’t do to encompass all the strangers out there… so I’ll just talk about those here. More excuses to talk about fanart!

This will also be the lest organized part of this because im tired of writing this. A true fan could talk to hell and back about stranger but I just long for release

• Role-swap strangers and real-world aus

As you might guess, these correspond to the aus where the implications and not-implications of the main cast regarding the incident are switched around. Stranger then will have the appearance of whoever is the accomplice in the given au. Otherwise, there’s no much difference in behavior with the standard stranger, though swap aus aren’t really my thing so I don’t know any in dept…

but its the closest thing I can get to stranger variants so, here’s some strange friends I found!

Fanart:

… and I couldn’t even find that many. Who would say that my general lack of interest for aus would one day come back to bite me in the ass? I was going to try luck at just searching images in my buggy search engine… but I wasn’t brave enough.

tho here’s a stranger mari (og post)

and here’s a stranger aubrey and her friends!

speaking of friends, here and here (og post)are pictures of the whole stranger gang!

but I know a decent chunk of strangers Sunnys! And you know why? Because those can manifest in a more varied amount of aus, many related to being from Basil’s perspective.

The one I like the most are those post-good ending. Basil has many things to come to terms with so it makes sense that a stranger appears to him, specially because he also has to accept that there was nothing behind Sunny that day. This video here is a nice example of a stranger Sunny which is shown with a missing eye.

but there are also the ones that seemingly take place within the timeline of events, or at least that’s the impression I get. Here I was going to put a link to a nice fanart where there was a bright Basil accompanied by a stranger Sunny with bloody hands… but I couldn’t find it. Except on a second edit I found it by chance.

And then there’s the swap au outright! Like in the hikicomic when a stranger Sunny appears sporting a very nice red flower! (and later a horrible posture!)… though I don’t know if this is an actual swap au because I have never read it completely, maybe I’ll do it someday, I remember liking the expressions a lot.

Now the real-world aus are a separated kind of thing from swap aus, but I didn’t know where to put them so I put them together.

So for real-world aus, these are of when stranger somehow end ups roaming in the real world. Generally this is due to a ‘headspace bleeds into the real world scenario’ where among other characters and places of hs that end up in the real world, stranger is one of them. In these cases he doesn’t seem to act too differently from before.

Related to this, there’s this specific au where stranger is floating into nothingness when suddenly he’s tossed into reality and turned human. Yeah this is the faraway!stranger au which is pretty popular so it wouldn’t feel right to not mention it. It explores some neat themes! Of stranger having not been human before and then having a feeling of wrongness and that stuff.

And then there are the aus where stranger has always been human, though I don’t remember any that ever had a story and went beyond the basic concept, but in these aus is common for him to be related to Basil, as a brother for example, though other times he just kinda exists. I remember there was an au I liked where Basil and Sunny ran away and then by a chance of fate they ended up living with stranger and rowan, who were brothers, and that would be my example, but ever since I developed and allergy towards twt then I can’t get it. I wonder if it ever had an ending?

• stranger and his friends

speaking of friends, stranger might not interact with anyone in canon, and most of the time does the equivalent of talking to a wall, but in fanon he doesn’t get to be so lonely!

So here is where I would place the most common character interactions there are for stranger!… in a different world were I actually felt like it…. But I guess I can mention whatever I remember?

→ Stranger and Omori: this one is probably the most popular, or in any case, nightshade would be the most popular ship involving stranger, but I don’t have much to say about it since by now it should be obvious I don’t ship them so Im just kinda neutral to it. Whenever they’re depicted as a divorced couple fighting for custody is kinda funny though. Now from other perspectives, the stranger-omori business is a very complex subject that would warrant its own analysis, so that’s why I won’t get into it here, and probably never after this behemoth. But heres a drawing of them fighting to the death!!!!!!!

→ Stranger and Sunny: the closest to canon I guess? I don’t have much else to say beyond what I’ve mentioned previously, but from a shippy perspective it got some nice angst potential! Since a relationship would go against the whole point of stranger’s existence so there’s some nice conflict there

→ Stranger and Basil: all those times stranger is depicted as acting like and older sibling towards hs Basil got to be some of my favorite! This here? this is the shit!

→ Stranger and Mari: Now this is a more niche one, tho still pretty known, and also a wholesome one. It’ll be good for stranger to have someone to rely on while committing truth crimes. Here’s a nice drawing

→ Stranger and the other hs friends: here I will group Aubrey, Kel and Hero because I can’t think of anything in particular about them. This isnt a super common depiction. Mostly I guess is about these merry guys having fun while bringing along their awkward shadow friend. Here’s an example.

→ Stranger and other knowledgeable creatures: here goes anytime stranger is seen with other characters who know about the nature of the world and maybe even the truth, such as Abbi or daddy longlegs. Not a super common thing but I guess they then to be melancholic interactions.

→ Stranger and other blackspace characters: what it says on the thin. Any time stranger is shown with any npc from blackspace. This is a pretty broad category… and I can’t think of specifics for that.

→ Stranger and other strangers: this is also one of my favorites and one that has barely anything </3 this is mostly the interpretation where there isn’t a single stranger Basil, but rather there are many. This blog here has multiple strangers, but as of now this doesn’t seem to have much plot-relevance, but you don’t look a gifted horses’ teeth. Also here’s this neat fanart that takes a different approach.

• The cryptic cryptid strangers (or something)

I have no idea when this inclination started, but someone one day decided to draw stranger with a tail and nothing was ever the same.

Not necessarily within an overarching au, some people enjoy to give some fancy designs to stranger. From giving him a tail, some antlers or horns, hooves or scales, claws, fangs, wings even, one could make a telephone art game out of this! Or a doll game if they fancy that. And why do they do this? Well, until now there hasn’t been a argument of weight as to why stranger shouldn’t have a tail. Or I guess if I wanted to guess an actual reason, since stranger’s design its so simple then you can do a lot with it if you wanna.

But a variation that I like a bit more are the strangers made to look more like somethings! Many eyes, big jaws with many teeth, almost eldritch! That’s a real lot of fun! But both are fun.

There’s plenty of examples but here are some I picked:

This was the first one that I saw, so that’s why it goes first. This wasn’t the original drawing I saw back then, but it was on twt. A pretty nice design. I also really like this that, although they look monstrous, they are friendly. Isn’t that a nice trope?

I’ll try to go back and forth between cryptids and somethings, so here’s a eldritch stranger, and the first one of the eldritch strangers that I saw. Simple but effective.

now out of all, this is my favorite design! A true cryptid from the forest.

and here are some of my favorite eldritch strangers, specially the last one! Warning for body horror probably? (and flashing lights in the banner)

speaking of horror, most of these designs are done for the fun of it, but here’s an au where they have been done more for thematic reasons… and what thematic reason? Dehumanization!! and here’s another nice stranger that when injured turns more into a something, I also really like this one! (more body horror)

as for last, I decided to go with a fanart somewhat different from the others, because when I saw it the first time I was left in such state of bafflement that I knew I had to include it. I remember barely keeping my laughter as I thought something along the lines of ‘these really are the wonders of fandom!’ in where this miserable lad can be the same character as this.

And this seemed the perfect fanart to end this section with.

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[bahamutgames]

AFTERTHOUGHTS - ROUNDUP ROUND 16

October - November 2024

Alright that's the end of November! We're actually really close to the end of the year and that's wild to me. It feels like it came both incredibly quickly and also insanely slowly. I'm not sure how much gaming I'm gonna get done in December though. I plan on buying Fantasian and that's all I have planned for the whole month lol.

BUT Fantasian isn't even here yet, so let's focus on what I've already played! I'm also gonna slip some stuff in from October I forgot I wanted to talk about! Might as well, right?

And as always, these aren't reviews! Just me throwing up my thoughts onto the internet! Please play anything I talk about if it interests you!

Webfishing (October 11, 2024) - PC

To get us started, it's Webfishing! This game just started popping up on my feed one day. And I thought it was so cute I just had to grab it so I could play with my sibling and friends (I need to play with my friends more actually)

There's a lot to love in Webfishing. I love the graphics, the music is so relaxing (I love the title screen theme), the vibe is incredibly peaceful while still having room to be funny and vibrant with a surprising amount of cute NPCs. I love that it's a social focused game so you can play with friends and even total strangers and just kind of parallel play with them and chat it up. It's super cute! And I love just HOW MUCH there is to do. A super cute character creator, tons of unlocks, tons of fish to get, hidden treasures to find, all the random drinks, the random props to add to the atmosphere, barking and what now, drawing, playing music. So much of this is completely unneeded in a fishing game but it's just SO cute and adds to the overall experience of just having a fun time with people online. Fishing really is beautiful.

I do have some complaints though. For one, I think the game could use a skybox. I think it's really missing a day/night cycle, even if the time of day didn't impact the fish, it's something I think sticks out like a sore thumb. Similarly more weather than just rain could really add to it. I also wouldn't mind additional maps, you're always in the same area no matter what room you enter and it's a GREAT and super cute map, but I think you could make even more super cute maps! And lastly, I actually think the mashing isn't hard enough, and this might be just a me problem cause I'm a crazy masher. But I feel like now one click clears 10 points when reeling in, and for someone like me that just means there's no challenge to fishing anymore.

But regardless it is a SUPER cute game I'd love to play more of ASAP. I got the spectral rod, I have a big gator in my aquarium, and I love my dog girl. But I haven't really played with my friends as much as I'd like so I'd love to fix that soon! There's still tons to do and this game is endlessly charming!

Pokemon TCG Pocket (October 30, 2024) - Mobile

Here's one (kind of) hot off the presses! A brand new phone game I've been playing way more than I'd like to admit! Recently I've been in a HUGE card game craze, but haven't really had the funds to play them much. The only deck I currently have is 1/2 of a Final Fantasy Deck (it's a fire deck I got for free from a convention and I'm so happy to have it I have plans to upgrade it with some stuff when I get more money). So when they announced a free to play smaller version of the Pokemon TCG, of course I was interested!

And this game is pretty dang good! There's a ton here I really like! I like getting to open up booster packs for free, that's always fun even if you don't play games. And I feel like 2 a day is actually shockingly generous for a phone game, especially since you build up the timer things to open bonus packs at a pretty good rate! And of course the art is lovely and it's great to be able to collect and see these cards in a way that doesn't take up space, and I love you can look at them in 3D and some of them even have neat effects. The Wonder Pick is a cute feature, I love that you can make displays and binders of your cards. I think the password system for playing with friends is really nice and simple, it's all set up good. But I think the shining point is actually playing the card game itself! I like that matches are so quick, I think cutting it down to 20 cards works PERFECTLY for quick bite-sized battles. And I love that I can customize and play around with my own decks and strategies, I'll have to upload some of my collection and and my decks later! It's a ton of fun to experiment with different cards in a space where I can try a smaller version of the game for free!

However, while the actual gameplay is probably my favorite part. It's probably also my least favorite part??? Combat in this game can really suck sometimes. I think if you're playing this game currently you probably also have a few random complaints you've built up while playing. Mine boil down to: Too much of this game comes down to coin flips. I am not convinced coin flips in this game are truly 50/50 odds. I've had TONS of opponents pull that Misty card on me, I've seen it work maybe twice. But secondly, and way more annoyingly: EX Cards ruin this game. I think EX cards you have to evolve to are annoying, but manageable and you at least have to earn it. But Stage 1 EX cards? I HATE these things. They are so unfair and if you draw a bad hand, how will you EVER defeat someone running 2 Circle Circuit Pikachu and 2 Zapdos EX? You just can't. And that Mewtwo + Gardevoir combo is INSANE! I know Mewtwo discards 2 energy when it does the attack, but that's clearly not enough. Me? I personally have taken a hard stance already against EX cards and have removed ALL of them from my decks. They are not fun to fight, they are not fun to win with. So I won't be using them. More power to you if you do, but I'm good. My last complaint is that Fire Types suck and I can't use Charizard because of this. What a horrible oversight, fix it.

There's other nitpicky stuff like no trading and I think the icon selection is miserable (let me use any card art??) But I know a lot of this is probably growing pains from an app that JUST came out. I'll give it some grace while it finds its footing, cause the game for sure is still a ton of fun!

Work Time Fun (December 22, 2005) - PSP

This is a little game that was introduced to me by a friend of mine while we were hanging out and now it's kind of become a new obsession of mine. If you've never heard of Work Time Fun, the simplest way I can describe it is "shitty Warioware". You play horribly unfun minigames for horribly long amounts of time to get horrible pay so you can buy horrible prizes. It sounds awful but... I absolutely love it. I wouldn't say it's fun in a traditional sense but it can be oddly fun to just waste time with mundane tasks (like I genuinely enjoy the 5 fingers game) and the whole crazy and chaotic energy of the game makes it incredibly enjoyable. It's an anti-game but it's actually so charming and fun anyway.

The game is so short and simple that I don't really have much to say on it in specific. I like the visuals and how everything is drawn in different styles, sometimes even using real photos (like the most hilarious: the save file screen which uses a photo of a trash filled car for no reason.) The minigames are stupid and short but they're all just fun enough to keep me coming back. And again the whole premise and atmosphere is what makes it great. Getting emails from total strangers talking to you like friends, the game acting like you're working real jobs, collecting useless garbage out of vending machines. From more minigames, to silly tools like the amazing Ramen Timer (really works!), and even completely garbage knickknacks. It's just, funny! And I can't even get the full experience because I can't do the multiplayer stuff like "outsourcing work to friends??" whatever that means.

The only REAL complaints I have, because it's a little silly to complain about a game meant to be bad. Is that it's annoying you have to wait for the minigame of your choice to show up in a selection of 4. The more you unlock, the lower chances you have of pulling something you actually want to play. But it's whatever. Not a big deal.

Before I wrap this section up I just want to say that this game NEEDS a new entry. I don't think Sony would be able to make something with the same energy nowadays sadly. And I wouldn't want an indie version of it to be like, horror and / or meta filled. But I know SOMEONE can do it. Maybe it's me? Maybe it's you? I think WTF would work SO well as a phone game, I've been playing this PSP one on my phone and it's a blast. But having a new one that can actually be updated to add more awful games and more weird prizes as the game goes on, as well as being able to take advantage of all the stuff phones can do nowadays (like tracking steps, maybe even location stuff??? idk) I think there's LIMITLESS potential for a Work Time Fun Reboot.

Donkey Kong Land 1-3 (June 26, 1995 - October 27, 1997) - Gameboy

So I actually tried to play DKL1 a while back. But it was not hitting, so I decided I wouldn't bother unless it got on NSO with rewind. Well, it happened. So now I have to put my money where my mouth is. I'll give a little rundown on my thoughts on each game in the trilogy:

DKL1 is easily the weakest of the bunch. The visuals are really muddy and hard to see. It's impressive they were able to translate the prerendered SNES sprites to GB. But at what cost? Similarly the game just feels kind of bad to play. It feels slow, WAY slower than actual Country. Rolling covers NO distance and moves soooo slowly for example. I think where this game shines is actually with its original stuff for the most part. Things taken from Country1 are lackluster, I'd rather just play Country1. But stuff like the plot in the manual, the sky world, the city world, that's new and unique! And it stands out the most. Except for the boss fights and the music which are both original (iirc) and very weak. The less said about that the better.

DKL2 is easily the best of the bunch. Sadly it stops doing anything original and is just a straight up port of Country2. While that's less interesting, I do think it helps make the game more solid over all. Visuals are massively improved, while still looking muddy you can tell they made an effort to redraw more of the sprites and it helps make things clearer and makes the game look way better! Similarly the GB versions of the Country2 songs are delightful to listen to! It's just a shame Mining Melancholy, my personal favorite, appears to be the only one left out. It was also cool seeing actual levels I recognize from Country2 translated into a smaller game like this. I was particularly impressed with the fact they had bee hive levels, roller coaster levels, Arctic Abyss, and stuff like that. Gameplay is improved, bosses are improved, level design is improved. And while it may be because it's taken from Country2 directly, you can't deny it does make it a better game. The only REAL issue I have is that the animal buddies use Select for their special abilities, which is odd for my hands to do.

DKL3 is, at the time of writing this, still weirdly NOT on NSO and idk when it will be. So I emulated it. I think Country3 is a really underrated game, but I will admit I remember the levels a lot less than 1+2. So it's a little tougher to speak on how it compares to the SNES counterpart. But a lot of what applies to Land2 applies to this one. Good gameplay, good music (GB Rockface Rumble was a treat lol), better bosses, and an overall more interesting experience than Land1. However, I can't help but feel underwhelmed by the stage selection and their lack of interest in doing some of the Country3's weirder level gimmicks. No levels with the sniper in the foreground, no levels with thunder and water, no levels where they reverse the controls. I know it may have been too hard on GB. But still, it's a shame. Even the Bleak fight is massively downgraded and is no longer a random snowball fight minigame. Is it easier? Sure. Is it as fun? Not really.

But regardless, 2 and 3 are both good. And if you're curious about playing just one. Maybe play the one that corresponds to the Country game you're most familiar with. If you're familiar with all of them then Land2 is absolutely the best one of the bunch. And if you're not familiar with ANY Country games. Skip the Land trilogy and just play the Country games.

Battle Fantasia (April 26, 2007) - PC

Next up is an INCREDIBLY charming fighting game I actually bought all the way at the start of the year. But haven't had the time or energy to really sink my teeth into it until now. Battle Fantasia is an Arc System Works fighter made (I believe) during the time they lost the rights to GG. And is one of the first attempts to reboot the 2D Fighting Game Genre for modern ages. Even before Street Fighter 3! It's based on RPG tropes and is in my opinion, SO charming and cute.

There's almost too many positives to count. I think its aesthetics are immediately what jump out to me. The world is so cute and vibrant and really does feel like a fighting game for a JRPG that doesn't exist. My favorite example I've been showing people is the cave stage. Which has a treasure chest, but also what appears to be a Save Point in the upper left corner.

There is NO reason for that to be there. It's a completely unneeded detail. But it's SO cute and really helps to drive the JRPG theme home and that detail is what made me realize I was gonna love this game. The next best part are the characters themselves. They're ALL cute. My favorites are the Princess Olivia, Odile and Dokurod, and Deathbringer. But all the other characters are all cute or at least have great designs! From Watson the mage bunny to Urs the protagonist with a chainsaw motorcycle sword. The only character whose design I dont really gel with is the Priest/Cleric dude. And I think it's just the short shorts. But the music is great, the graphics are great and also make it feel like a PS2 RPG. The plot is interesting and cool. And the gameplay is simple and easy to grasp while still having enough depth that I actually missed entire mechanics during my playthroughs!

BUT... It's not perfect. I think where this game kinda stumbles for me is the Story Mode. I was really expecting a cool JRPG scale story, or at least an overarching plot where you get to play as everyone as the tale unravels... But ultimately it's kind of just a shorter Arcade ladder for each character with cutscenes in between them. And while some of them contribute to the plot (like Deathbringer) I can't really see how they could possibly exist in the same universe (see, again, Deathbringer). So while the story is cool, it's not really as satisfying as like, Xrd's story. Which is presented in a better way with this kind of ladder story being a prequel to the true story mode. But I understand why they didn't do that. Also, I find it weirdly difficult to remember my moves in this game. I can remember most of them, but for some reason I just cannot recall how to input them and had to keep checking the movelist. It's not too bad cause most movesets are easy to grasp, but it's an odd thing I haven't experienced this badly before. And I think it's cause none of the move names are just saying specifically what the moves are lmao.

BUT YES this game rules and deserves more love! It's on steam and I think if you like small fighting games you really should give it a shot! I hear the netcode is garbage and hopefully it can get rollback eventually. But for now, it's fun!

Dadish 3D (April 22, 2024) - PC

OH YEAH BABY IT'S TIME FOR A NEW DADISH!!! MY GOAT IS BACK!! I actually ALMOST missed this one, with everything happening this year it just slipped my mind. But I was able to get it at an INCREDIBLE price during the Steam Fall Sale. So please, if you like Dadish, pick it up yourself!

Dadish is the 5th installment of the Dadish series I believe. So I certainly think it was time for a change of pace, and I think swapping to 3D was the PERFECT call for the series! The simple gameplay where Dadish's only real abilities are a double jump actually work perfect in 3D and still makes for compelling levels. The graphics are GREAT and super cute, the environments in particular just look really lovely in this one. They were able to bring the style from the 2D games over flawlessly in my opinion.

The music, similarly, is still great! The Toksa Park theme in particular was a banger! And the level aesthetics themselves were also nice, I can't believe there hasn't been a snowy mountain yet as far as I recall? And the plot is so very Dadish, I actually liked the return of Durnak, which is usually something that bugs me. And the bosses were cute too, I liked the gimmick of Dadish guessing their names all horribly wrong. And being 3D really helped making hunting for the stars more interesting than it's been in earlier entries. Similarly, translating the Madish and Burgurgular levels into something similar to Mach Speed sections from Sonic is GENIUS.

However, I'll admit. This game is not perfect. I have one specific issue with it. It's too easy. Like, WAY too easy. Dadish 3 was the hardest game yet, by far. But this one is like the total opposite. I think the biggest reason why is that the enemies are all taken directly from the 2D Dadish games. Down to how they function. Which means most enemies just walk in a straight line. Deadly for 2D, but for 3D? Basically no enemy presents a challenge to you unless it's a whole line of pizzas. But the burgers just aimlessly avoid you, the hotdogs (usually the bane of my existence in this series) can all be easily jumped around. And even the bosses go down SO quickly. Subwoofer should've had the spike appear in a random place, rather than the same place. Stabby should've probably had some sort of projectile cause he can basically never reach you. I think maybe even just second phases for the bosses could help up the ante a bit. Similarly I can't help but feel like I wanted MORE from these 3D Worlds. I think the next game has TONS of potential based on the groundwork here. But it may be time to give Dadish and his foes some new abilities maybe? Or even giving me more to collect through the levels could be huge.

Regardless, it's Dadish. It's peak. This series can do no wrong. Play the Dadish series.

Killer Instinct (November 1995) - Gameboy

And last, but certainly not least. While I was playing through the Donkey Kong Land trilogy, is suddenly dawned on me that Killer Instinct ALSO got a Gameboy port. And if you know me, you know I ADORE KI. So I had to give it a go. It's the only KI I haven't played previously!

Right out the gate, it's remarkably similar to the Land trilogy. The graphics are insanely muddy, maybe even more than the Land games? To the point where if you don't know KI already, I believe you may not understand what's happening in most battles.

Similarly the game just plays so crazy. It's 2 buttons now, and most commands work pretty similarly. But let me give you a secret tip: ALL FALL BEFORE THE MIGHT OF SABREWULF! Since he mostly uses Charge inputs anyway, just mashing left / right and A / B will have Sabrewulf just tear into foes with little they can do about it. I died in the normal arcade ladder TWICE. Once against Sabrewulf, and once against the final boss. It's EASY pickings. Also no Riptor or Cinder. Actually a crime. I'm shocked my favorites all made it in, but in KI1 I play Sabrewulf and Glacius so those are probably some of the safest picks outside of like, Fulgore lmao.

BUT... DAMN IT... IT'S KINDA COOL!! The GB versions of the music honestly kick ASS. Particularly the main theme sounds GREAT on GB. And like, there is a training mode which, from my understanding, is not something to take for granted especially with older weirder fighting games. And unlike Land1, this game is FAST. Like maybe not as fast as actual KI but it keeps its own pace and it's not insanely slow and clunky. Plus every character has their own ending and there's a unique final boss with Eyedol. And there's still combos, and combo breakers, and finishers. Like... It's all here with very little compromise.

Like, it's obviously worse than just playing any other KI game. And just like the Land games, I wish they had maybe drawn new sprites from the ground up rather than trying to scale down the prerendered stuff. And also maybe do some original stuff (COULD YOU IMAGINE IF THIS HAD ITS OWN EXCLUSIVE CHARACTER THAT CAME BACK FOR 2013??) But like... It's so charming. And truth be told, I'm realizing I don't have much bad to say for it considering it's a small 2 button GB fighter. It makes me wish KI got ported to more stuff! Imagine them trying to do the 3D Backdrops from the arcade versions of KI1/KIG on Gameboy Advance or DS? Imagine a Killer Instinct 2013 port to 3DS in a similar fashion to the Street Fighter 4 3DS port? I would have been OBSESSED with that. Much to think about... I may have to revisit KI Gameboy. What a weird world.

Seriously though put this on NSO and I will run tournaments (probably not but I'd love to fight someone in it)

[caseyhealingwellness]

Six Easy Ways to Get The Most Out of Your Massage Therapy

Want to get a great massage?  We put together a list of six super easy ways to make sure you are getting the most out of your massage therapy experience.

Massage can be great…it can also be miserable. Just browse through Google reviews or Yelp reviews and you will see experiences that run the gamut between amazing and horrific. In between the lines of those reviews there are frequently experiences that did not have to be bad, but were created by a series of misunderstandings or misinformation. Sure you might get a dud of a massage therapist now and again, or someone on a bad day but the majority of Massage Therapists are professionals who want to give you what you want. We put together this list of easy ways to get the most out of your massage experience to help paitents and clients navigate how to avoid some of the common problems that come up on review sites.

1. Arrive on time: Actually arrive 10-15 minutes early, especially if it is your first time. Frequently customers think they have purchased an hour of time. What they do not realize is that that hour of time is very specific to it’s time slot. If you booked a 5pm for one hour, your hour starts at 5 pm. Arriving at 5pm and then needing to use the restroom, fill out paper work and check in, will cut into that time. Paper work is a big time suck. Even at a gym or salon there might be some liability forms to fill out, so err on the 15 minute side of early if it is your first time at a location. Additionally you might consider asking have them send you the paper work in advance or if it can be done online. One of the big complaints we see online is that the appointment was cut short. Generally this will not happen so long as the customer has arrived with time to spare, this is literally getting the most ‘time’ out of your massage. (if it does then see suggestion number 6)

2.  Advocate for yourself: There are MANY different depths and styles of massage. Before most sessions your therapist will either take a medical history, ask your likes or dislikes, and what you want to focus on. Some processes are more thorough than others…but whereever you are, this is your time to speak up and make your needs known. You do NOT want someone else’s massage. You want the massage you want. If you like a head massage, let the therapist know. If you do not want your new blowout touched, let the therapist know. Asking a questions about what will be massaged and what will not be is another good way to go. “Full body” does not mean the same things to all people, so try instead to say things like “I would really like I would really like a massage that focuses on my back, legs, calves, arms and neck, I do not care so much about my hands and feet”. Clarity of words can go a long way to clearing up any misunderstandings and having an experience where your legs were mysteriously left out.

Come in with a plan. Knowing what you want ahead of time will save you time and money. If your goal is to relax, that is totally valid, but a ‘full body’ can be made very un-relaxing by your therapist chatting away. Stating what you came in for can be really helpful to both you and for your therapist in order to get what you want. Same things goes for sports massage and medical work. Let your therapist know both your long and short term goals so that they are not guessing at what you want. Some people are terrible guessers.

3.  If you are sick or have a possibility of a schedule change, let reception know ASAP. Most places have cancelation policy’s. Those policies are often more lenient the earlier reception knows there might be an issue. If you wake up with the sniffles or your boss throws a curve ball,  give the reception a shout as soon as you know…they might be able to do you a solid. When you wait till an hour or two before your massage because you waited to see if you could really come, you are not going to find much flexibility.

4.  Be forthcoming in your injury history and health history:Things that may not seem like a big deal to you, such as that trick shoulder that separates when you put your arm over head, might cause a serious problem if your therapist does not know. Sure you have had it all your life, but this is your massage therapists first time seeing it. Medications are equally important. There is no judgment, but some medications can leave you at risk for bruising, blood pressure complications, and injury. Most complications are easily avoided just by knowing the medication, so please be honest.

5.  Do not come in medicated, drunk or high: Massage therapists are supposed to legally send you home if you are altered in any way…and you will probably be charged a fee. Even if your therapist does take you after a few boozy lunch drinks, it may be because they are not exactly sure if you are or are not altered. The likely outcome is, they are not going to give you the massage you want, instead they are wondering if they should be sending you home and giving you the most conservative massage possible. If you have medications you’re taking for an injury and that is what your coming in to be seen for, then call ahead and ask about them. Any medicine that alters your sense of touch or judgment, is a no-go for massage because it may increase your ability to be injured.

6.  Complain…but start at the right place first. Businesses are not perfect. No one wants you to have a bad time. Seriously, a business is only as good as their customer service. If you had a bad experience or feel you were somehow wronged, reach out to a manager. Frequently I hear stories where a customer might have mentioned something to reception…and you should totally do that since they are sitting there, but know that not all reception knows that means you needed help. Receptions job is to take payments and greet, often they will be overtasked and not realize you complained at all, or that that complaint should be passed on. Politely asking for a managers email is totally ok, and it will get you the fastest resolution. For small businesses, they are often grateful for this approach as they WANT to find out about problems before they hit the fan. With larger businesses you may indeed have to go to social media to get someone’s attention….but this is rarely the case with self run businesses or businesses that are not chains.

Every massage is going to be a little different. It is important to keep in mind, we do this every day as massage therapists but it may be a special day for you…Hopefully this guide helps you navigate our world of massage therapy a little better.

To book an appointment, or ask us a question about our practice find us here on our Contact and booking page.

[hekkoto]

Im aliveeeeee

Hi guys!

Welp, where to start it…. I had some unexpected absence in last times and Im super sorry for this. Im super sorry for no info or update; I wanna be honest – I had extremaly hard time, I suffered from extreme anxiety related to creating or being online, I was also on edge of mental breakdown. My physical health had some major decrease too, it was hell. I had a lot of dark thought in last months, especially lately. So I also wanna thank a lot my husband and my friends Jacek and Charles – you guys saved my life! Im super grateful for all the love and support everyone gives me online, Im sorry I was unable to be there and talk or smth. I really appreciate all of you, Im also super happy to have family and friends who support me or at least try to haha

Im aware I owe some arts and such to some people and I promise to try catch up with this asap. Im also very sorry for not letting anyone know I struggle and stuff will be delayed. I hope to have most of it done/posted before end of a year. My focus in upcoming days will be catching up on Patreon rewards and commission.

I know Im in not the best state right now; I let my mental illness take too much control over me lately. I was struggling a lot with being reckless, drinking, don’t caring too much of myself. I let past traumas devour me. I let myself detach from reality more far and far. Tho do I even know what reality is haha? But I try to take control back, with help of my husband. I will stop drinking for some time. I hate it, during holidays there is a lot of yummy alcohol but probably years of drinking while being heavily medicated take toll on my health haha

I have some comeback of those awful pains of my muscles and joints, I also was constantly sick in last weeks. Honestly idk what is wrong. Probably both my physical and mental illnesses play part here. But I hope to start feeling better soon. Being in pain for so so long is killing my mind. I just wanna escape pain. UPDATE: It got better, I have less muscles pains. Its also possible I suffer from endometriosis which might be huge reason for a lot of stuff – Im starting getting diagnosed in January

Thankfully because of support I had I was able to stay alive and keep fighting. I wanna be back. I don’t want to dive deeper into darkness of my mind. I know I need to create to stay sane, putting my darkness into arts is only way to free my mind from it. I missed you guys really really much

I hope now I was able to overcome my fears and anxiety enough to create again. I think focusing on art and creating is only way to go

I wanna have better time next year, really ;-; and I hope now Im back for real. Keep in mind cause of Holidays I wont be home all the time cause I go to see a lot of my family and friends, I hope I will be feeling ok after this >XD but I hope next year will be my big comeback, I miss creating and posting soooooo much aaaaaa

[crowscoffee]

day 3: today could have been better, work was okay, and i had my support group in the morning which was nice (i'm in an lgbtq specific support group and i love it), i wish i could have gotten more homework done tonight but i had a really hard time focusing on stuff once i got home. the stress of my house and some other personal family things is also messing with me. thankfully i'm not working monday but i still have a paper due sunday that i haven't started or chosen a topic for yet (it's a short paper so it should be fine i just need to get it done asap if i want to hang out with one of my best friends on sunday, plus i need to run errands tomorrow and my parents will probably want me to do extra work around the house and just ahhhhhh stress).

anyways here is to hoping tomorrow goes better. my friend sent me a super helpful guide about how they specifically slot their day using a google spreadsheet and set designated times to do things, i'm not sure if i could handle my life being that rigid but i think doing something like that could be helpful assuming i can get myself to stick to it haha. i've also tried to force myself to do chores/productive things before i slip into maladaptive daydreaming so im at least getting things done and being intentional if i do feel the urge to daydream, i've noticed my maladaptive daydreaming is definitely stress-triggered and also probably a coping mechanism for when my depression starts getting bad, which can tend to happen when i'm stressed and burned out, but also if i'm not getting anything done and i'm wasting my time then i also start to get depressed so it is just a viscous viscous cycle gah

right i am not going to spiral anymore i am going to listen to an audiobook for school and if i can get in bed before 1am that will at least be something

[nicekaylee]

july fucking 31st

it's 2 am

after the show i said fuck all of THIS

and went on a fucking vacation. and getting therapy

and it's been going pretty sick, therapy not started. but anyways thats a write up for another day. im just going to talk about something specific that happened today.. im so pissed, and heartbroken.

CONTEXT

in my past 3 years of wasting my life on this god damn album, someone i knew a bit lit up my life in the last year,2022. this girl. the way she dresses just opened up a new sense of inspiration for me that ive never had before. so i get to know her a bit more once we hang out, and then i get to know how similar our interest in things are. we talk on the phone, and it's really nice. i knew after my birthday that this girl was someone special to me. and even though she's inspiration, i wanted to know i wanted to be there to care for her and be a closer companion, especially after knowing her past history and how i feel like she may have not felt that. fast forward 10 fucking months and im no where closer. in fact, even further away. i bet this girl doesn't think about me at all. and i'm just confused cause she barely shows any emotion at all. like one of the hardest people to understand, yet im still so invested. but it's getting very one sided. I got very depressed after my birthday, and then super focused on my album so i had little social life.. if any at all. not one message of empathy from her.. a couple of times seeing her, but never alone.. but whatever that's not the real point of the story. that was all just context. THE REAL STORY

so it's july 2023 i can't look at her as a friend, cause i have too many feelings. we talk minimally but theres a group chat thats kinda our saving grace. and just recently, she started med school in galveston. fuck. during my vacation, i'm trying to enjoy my life more. ive always wanted to wait till after my album is done, where i feel like my life will be easier, but now a days im thinking.. fuck that. i'm tired of waiting to be in the right time of my life because i can't bottle these feelings any longer. like fr this shit is bothering me so much. i'm getting older and just wishing and having this crush with no substance makes no sense.

so i need to tell her asap.

i wanted to see her in galveston. somehow ended up into a group friend thing to visit her in galveston, then her mom shut that down.

because she is in the most complicated situation literally not meant for dating at all. no car, mom takes her everywhere, curfew as fuck,her mom doesnt even want her around guys, what the actual fuck. but fuck it, she makes time to hang out in houston..for like 2 hours.. but i appreciate it honestly i understand her life situation.

TODAY she pulls up to my friends house with her brother cause her moms a freak about her going out. it's another group hangout. how tf am i gonna tell her my feelings?? anyways,

i mention i went to galveston and she seems UPSET THAT I DIDNT TELL HER?? CAUSE SHE COULDA MADE A WAY TO SEE ME..

NOW SHE WANTS TO SEE ME? WTF. idk dude it's so hard to understand her. so that was some good insight. but it's the past so whatever..

we play mario party on the switch. finish and it's about time to go. i whip out a surprise bag with gifts i wanted to treat my 2 other friends and her with! snacks for one, a fork for another, and i got her these super cute pens. she seemed to like them! she then says i didn't have to get this cause she knows im broke. WTF. honestly, shit was funny. idc but then she starts talking to me or us about some more details of her school life. she seems to always looks at me more. like most of the time. i LOVE that, but i have no clue how basic that is for her. she tells me shes finally gonna start her dream cover band, which is sick, love to hear that. someone said i should do a cover band.. i made a face and was going to say i actually do plan on it--

THEN SHE FUCKING CUTS ME OFF. AND FUCKING SAYS I SHOULD MAKE CUTE JINGLES FOR MY GIRLFRIEND(S)?? LIKE HALLMARK CARDS w pretty messages and simple JINGLES?? .....WHAT THE FUCK...

im staring at her like about to fucking lose my mind... cause i want to do that FOR HER. i almost impulsivey confess everything i feel to her. but everyone was right around me, her brother too. and i didn't know if it would be bad for her brother to hear..and have him spread info to her mom ..which will fuck her over more. i didn't wanna do that. so i just calmed down and played dumb. she left and said it's gonna be a long time till she'll see us again. what the fuck. im so mad. my friends said i shoulda just told her right there.. but idk it was so much random pressure and i wanted to be courteous and not fuck her over..

but jesus fucking christ im so mad. or some other word to describe how riled up that got me. this woman needs to know how i feel. i actually dont give a fuck anymore. im a grown dude and that annoys me that this is all weird puzzle solving teenage shit. cause if she was hinting, fuck her so im going to galveston this wednesday. giving her A SPECIAL hallmark card with a beautiful art of her and a BEAUTIFUL SONG only for her. not for OTHER girlfriends.. FOR HER. she is the one i want to make these things for . she needs to know shes the one i care about. before some asshole gets to her in galveston. honestly i actually dont care. i just wanna make sure she knows how special she is to me. that'll give me peace of mind. and she says no, then honestly im okay. anyways im doing it. wednesday. cant bottle this in anymore. i really hope she lets me see her man. i just want to let her know how special she is to me. it'll hurt my heart knowing if i never did anything. and maybe she'll share something loving as well

maybe