#AND I was running a fever and coughing up blood and phlegm the whole time

[algolagniaa]

I can’t believe my legs used to look like this the scholar life has made me weak as soon as I graduate I’m getting SHREDDED again

[thewhumperinwhite]

Café: No More Squad Car

In which shit blows up, both literally and metaphorically.

Previous: Teaser 1, Teaser 2, Hospital/Squad Car

@whumpitywhumpwhump

TW for: Cop Fires Gun At Unarmed Civilian; car accident; coughing up gross shit; fair warning going forward café zombies are Gross.

Biting his lip, Kent rests the back of his hand against Shawn’s forehead and cries out indignantly. “God, you’re burning up! Why’d they let you leave the hospital if you had a fever?”

Shawn shakes his head. Leaning around Kent to frown at Shawn, Sol sees that his eyes are glassy and he’s sweating. “I dunno, man, I didn’t feel half this bad at the hospital,” he croaks. His voice is mostly air.

“Well you look like shit now,” Sol says, and glances up at Kent. “Think they’ll let us go back if we tell ‘em he’s dying?”

Shawn pales, and Kent shoots Sol a glare. “Hey, come on, don’t even joke about that,” he snaps, and then turns to wipe sweat off Shawn’s forehead with his sleeve, fussing like a mother hen. “You’re gonna be alright, okay? We’ll get you checked out as soon as we get there. I’m sure they won’t push you if you aren’t up to— “

Shawn cuts off with a harsh cough that ends in a choking sound, and Kent pulls his hand away from his forehead, hovering with his hand near Shawn’s face like he isn’t sure what to do with it. Shawn claps both of his own hands over his mouth and bends double, squeezing his eyes shut. Then he freezes, and his eyes fly wide.

Trembling, Shawn lowers his hands. A string of blood-clotted saliva stretches between his lip and his fingers until it reaches its limit and breaks. Phlegm flecked thickly with red drips down over his chin.

Dark eyes very wide, Shawn looks down at his hands and then up at Kent. “I-I— “ His eyes are glassy with tears, now. “I’m okay,” he says in a clotted, bubbly voice.

All the air rushes out of Sol’s lungs.

“We’ve gotta stop this fucking car,” Sol says, but without any air his words are lost under the roar of the engine. Kent is already tugging the glass door in the divider back open with badly shaking hands.

“Turn the car around!” Kent shouts at the driver, his voice shrill with panic. “We’ve gotta go back to the hospital!”

“Are you out of your mind?” Sol yells. “Stop the fucking car!”

Kent rounds on him. “What’s wrong with you? Shawn needs a doctor!”

Sol doesn’t bother responding to that, hammering on the glass divider. “Hey! Are you listening? Pull over!”

Out of the corner of his eye he sees Shawn press his bloody hands over his ears. “You’re being too loud,” he mumbles in a shaky voice.

Finally turning the radio down, the driver frowns at Kent over his shoulder for a second, then turns back to keep his eyes on the road. “What the hell’s going on back there?” he half-shouts. Shawn curls in on himself, shaking his head.

“Too loud,” he mutters. “Shut up!”

Kent yells “Turn around!” at the same moment that Sol howls “Pull the fuck over!” and the driver raises a hand to cut them off.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kane press his bloody hands over his ears. “You’re being too loud,” he mumbled in a shaky voice.

“Okay, slow the hell down!” he shouts over both of them. “And one of you tell me what the hell’s wrong with— “

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Shawn’s hand darts forward before anyone can make a move to stop him, wraps around the driver’s face, and slams his head back against the glass divider.

There’s a moment when everybody freezes, and then Officer Santos screams “shit!” and dives for the steering wheel just a second too late.

The car lurches up onto two wheels as she tries to get it around the next turn, and Sol’s head crashes into the window with enough forces that he loses a few seconds. He comes to unable to tell which way is up and with an awful screeching sound in the air loud enough to drown out anything except the panicked roaring of blood in his ears.

The car is airborne for either five seconds or several eternities. Sol can’t see anything because of the way his hair is floating weightlessly around his face.

Then gravity comes back as suddenly as if somebody has flipped a switch, and Sol’s head snaps back on his neck, sending pain rocketing all the way down his spine. The whole universe is upside down and his seatbelt is pressing into his chest and throat.

The radio is pounding out Kesha at a much lower volume than it was before. He guesses the driver one that one, then.

Suddenly unable to breathe, Sol scrambles for his seatbelt clasp, and dumps himself roughly onto the roof of the car when it comes undone more easily than he expected.

Sol doesn’t know how many times the car rolled, but it tore off the passenger side door, and while Kent, whose seatbelt seems to have already come undone, is sprawled across the roof of the car with his head resting against the glass divider and his eyes closed, Shawn is nowhere to be seen.

The divider is starred with a billion tiny cracks, and all Sol can see for sure is that the airbags are deployed and there is a lot of blood everywhere.

Shaking his head like a cat after a long fall, he grabs Kent by the shirt collar and crawls out through Shawn’s door, dragging Kent’s lanky body behind him. A tiny whine forces its way out of his throat when he puts weight on his wrist. He isn’t sure what yet, but something is definitely on fire.

Head spinning, Sol pulls Kent away from the car, across the asphalt, and looks around. The car has overturned in an almost empty parking lot, leaving a trail of window glass behind it. Squinting to force his eyes to focus, Sol sees something shiny that might be the torn-off car door closer to the street, and a dark lump, much closer to the car, that might be a body.

Poised to run, Sol stares at the lump, waiting for it to move.

It doesn’t.

Releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding, Sol frowns down at Kent, who is also not moving, and pulls the blonde’s head into his lap. There is a new cut on his cheekbone from where it must have struck the divider, but Sol is fairly sure he’s breathing. Okay.

Sol presses the heels of his hands over his eyes and repeats the words don’t freak out in his head several times, as his breath picks up and his heart starts to hammer in his ears, which is why it comes as such a surprise when something large and heavy tackles him from the left, knocking Kent roughly out of the way and slamming Sol down against the pavement.

His eyes flying open, Sol stares at Shawn. Sol knows Shawn exactly well enough to know he played rugby in college and is still built like a linebacker. His big hands are wrapped around Sol’s wrists, drawing a gasp when he squeezes at the reset bones, and he plants his knees on either side of Sol’s waist.

Panting, Shawn stared down at him, his right eye and lips bloody. As Sol watches a drop of blood trembles at the corner of his eye before falling to splash against Sol’s cheek.

For a second, confusion flickers in Shawn’s eyes. Then he lunges, teeth aimed at Sol’s face.

Embarrassingly, it’s actually the gunshot that startles Sol into crying out, rather than the prospect of having his face ripped off.

Shawn’s weight lurches to the left, off of him, and he turns his head to see Officer Santos, standing beside the wreck, her gun in her hand and the driver sprawled unconscious at her feet.

Tears and fire in her eyes, she steps over the driver and fires again. Shawn’s body jolts on the asphalt next to Sol, and Sol has to throw an arm up to avoid a spray of blood across his face.

Officer Santos fires again. Squeezing his eyes shut, Sol turns away from the sight of what the shots are doing to what is left of Shawn’s face.

When the gun has been silent for thirty seconds, he starts to push himself into a sitting position with his good arm.

“Don’t you move.”

Sol freezes, forcing his eyes open. The gun is trained on the center of his chest, and although there are tears streaming down the Officer’s cheeks, her hands are steady.

“I want you to tell me exactly what the hell is going on,” she says in a low, dangerous voice.

Sol stared at her, willing his brain to start working again.

“You knew there was something wrong with him before he did a damn thing,” she says, and when he doesn’t answer, she fires again, and the bullet passes so close he can feel its heat against his cheek. “Start talking!”

His heart pounding in his ears, Sol stares at her, and sees the smoke rising from the engine behind her just in time to throw his arm over his face.

The wave of hot air from the engine exploding slams his head down onto the pavement, and the last thing he hears is someone shouting his name.

[chrysalispen]

kiss prompt fill: “because i’ve missed you”

taking a break from the other thing i was working on to write this thing. i realize this is a trope i’ve done a few times now, but in my defense it’s mostly because this man’s real and true alignment is Chaotic Dumbass and we all know the second the WoL fucked off to the First Reflection he’d be 1000000% back on his bullshit, said bullshit including ‘forgoing basic self care such as eating, sleep, and/or hydration for the chance to get his hands on that sweet sweet Allagan technology’ 

that said i legit don’t know if i’ll toss this one on AO3 or not, because it was mostly a writing exercise in working out how this character would react to everything that had happened once the dust had settled, and i’m not really confident enough to post it anywhere outside my tumblr. maybe. we’ll see ;

anyway, spoilers for end of Shadowbringers MSQ under the cut, don’t read unless you’ve finished the game.

========================================

"Your timing couldn't be better," Cid said as their footfalls pounded up the staircase. "Godsdamned fool gave himself a cold while he was afield, probably sitting out in the elements and tinkering with something. He and I were arguing about... well..."

"His abrupt departure from the Ironworks, I assume," she supplied with a sigh.

"Yes, actually-- and he looked about to drop dead on the spot. Jessie helped me strongarm him upstairs and into bed. He protested, of course. Loudly. I'm fair certain all of the Toll heard him swearing at us."

"You've not called a chirurgeon?"

"He wouldn't let us. You know how stubborn he is." He shrugged, expression tight with annoyance. "I thought maybe he'd cry uncle if we just gave him his wish and let him suffer a bit, but he hasn't attempted to get out of bed even to come rifle through his schematics-"

"That is very unlike him."

"I know. Mistress Tataru let it slip you'd returned, so..."

"You want me to get him back in fighting shape so you can shake Rowena's money out of him," the Warrior of Light said dryly.

"Something like that."

"Guest room?"

"Guest room."

A familiar figure was curled up into a tight ball beneath the thin quilt when they walked through the door. All that was readily visible was a stray tuft of pale blonde hair, disheveled and half-scattered over a down pillow.

"For the last time, go away," a hoarse and slightly nasal voice growled. "Must I repeat myself? This is humiliating enough as it is without your hovering."

Cid crossed his arms, casting his eyes heavenward as if to say you see what I've been dealing with in your absence?  "Nero, I'm not going to have you expire in my godsdamned workshop. You are going to see a chirurgeon whether you like it or not.”

“Like hells I will.” This punctuated by a series of hacking coughs.

“I've brought-"

"I don't bloody care who you brought, Garlond. Bugger off, both of you," the sick man grumped. "I'll be fine with a day's rest."

Aurelia sat down on the edge of the bed. Without looking she reached over Nero's shoulder and pressed her left hand against his brow, right over his third eye, as if checking his temperature. The gesture was a very rude one, but she wanted him to focus on her presence in a way he physically could not ignore (and she figured the two of them were well past concern over etiquette anyway).

As she'd expected, that svelte frame tensed and she felt a calloused hand grip her wrist in surprise. His palm was paper-dry and hot as a furnace.

"Cid," she said calmly without looking over her shoulder, "if you happen to have any pine resin on hand, could I please have two or three cakes? Also, I'll need water and some stones. Flat smooth-sided ones."

"Pine balsam? What are you going to do, hero, mop the floor?" the other engineer muttered between coughs, voice half-muffled beneath his blanket. Cid and Aurelia both ignored him.

"Jess handles procurement, but I'm sure we'll have something that common in storage. The stones will take a bit longer, I think. I'll go have a look myself and leave you two be for now." 

Bless you, Cid. The meaningful look her best friend gave the two of them, his gaze drifting over to the man in the bed, had not been lost on her. Nor was the tiny smirk playing about his lips, crinkling at the corners of his eyes as though he and Aurelia shared some secret jest.

The door had barely shut behind him when Nero mumbled: "Hadn't expected you back for moons yet."

"I hadn't expected me back either." Aurelia sighed, lifting her hand from his forehead to gently run her fingers through his mussed, sweat-dampened curls. "There's some unfinished business, but the immediate threat is gone."

"Threat?"

"The Ascians, you remember them-"

"Black robes, red masks? 'Course I do." Another cough. "What caper were they up to this time?"

"One that very nearly killed every single one of us, myself included, without our knowledge."

When he didn't answer, she decided to just tell him as much of the whole truth as she thought he could stomach. There was no easy way to say any of it without sounding mad, anyroad. 

"Suffice to say some very old academic assumptions about aetherology were incorrect, Varis is an even bigger bastard than I took him for, you lot - the Ironworks, that is - pieced together how to construct a temporal stasis reactor before you all died, Biggs and Wedge's grandchildren used those notes to enter the Crystal Tower and use it as a channeling focus to move its one inhabitant across time and interdimensional space and he's the one who was calling us all this time - you remember G’raha Tia, of course you do - I found out the others are fine and their souls are just trapped somewhere else, I met Solus zos Galvus, who is- was- actually an Ascian and somehow that wasn't even close to the most outrageous thing that happened-"

"Aurelia-"

She held up a hand.

"Then I found out that the Garlean Empire was brought into being specifically to end the world as we know it and make all of us blood sacrifices to Zodiark so the Ascians could resurrect their friends from the dead. ...Also I was very nearly turned into a hideous world-ending monster, but I'm fine now," she finished tiredly, passing a hand over her eyes. "I think that just about covers everything of import. The other Scions say hello, by the by."

"Aurelia."

"What?"

He released her hand, threw one arm around her waist, and rolled over with a pained grunt.

"...What are you doing?"

"Welcoming you back, what's it look like?" His head tilted slowly side to side against her bosom. She heard the wet sound of his inhale, or his attempt at one before he convulsed in another coughing fit. “Hells, I feel like death.”

"Don't expect my sympathy. It's your own fault. I told you you'd catch a cold up there if you weren't careful."

Nero shrugged. "If I die, at least now I can die as happy as any man in this hard old world could expect."

She felt his other hand slip beneath her shirt and her camise, riding up just below the curvature of her breasts. 

Catching him by the wrist, she glared down at him. "Before you even ask, we are not trysting in Cid Garlond's guest bedroom. I don't think you could manage it even if I were game."

"All work and no play as usual." Mock pouting, he rolled over onto his back, but did not remove his hand from its place beneath her shirt. 

Hot fingertips traced light patterns over the surface of her stomach, and she understood that his banter was just banter-- what he wanted was the contact. She relaxed against the down pillows on the headboard and continued to run her fingers through his hair. "Scaeva, you know damned well you'd choke on your own phlegm the moment I sat on your face."

Nero let out a surprised, spluttering cackle that quickly ended in another coughing fit. "Please don't make me laugh," he gasped, rather plaintively. "Feels like a godsdamned gigas is sitting on my chest every time."

"I'm sure it does. You've likely let your cold turn into pneumonia, because you're possibly the most idiotic smart man in all Hydaelyn."

"Ah, how the wheel of time does turn. That Academy-trained bedside manner of yours rears its head once more."

"You should be glad of my training right now. Cid was absolutely correct in trying to force you to see a chirurgeon." She leaned over and kissed him right above his third eye. "I'm going to impose disgusting potions and bed rest upon you, and you can't escape me."

He let out a groan, one arm flung dramatically over his eyes. A stray platinum blond curl escaped to flop sadly over his wrist. "My hero."

"I'm serious. If you try to leave this bed before I say you can, I will find you."

"All right, all right! I will put up with Garlond for a day or two lest I incur the eikon-slayer's wrath. Satisfied?"

"Yes. Now sit up. You can lean on me while I fix your pillows."

"Lean on y-" Nero glared up at her, obviously insulted. "I'm not an invalid."

The flat, unimpressed stare she leveled in his direction would have made Emet-Selch proud. 

After a moment's attempt at defiance and an exasperated muttering beneath his breath which she chose to ignore, Nero finally propped himself up into a half-sitting position with his back against her chest, the expression on his face something approaching mutinous. 

Aurelia patted a cheek made even rougher with stubble than usual-- likely he hadn't shaved in a day or two. He was wearing an old work tunic, half-undone with most of the buttons fastened through the wrong holes, as if it had been done in a hurry. Her palm flattened briefly over the soft mat of wiry hair on his partially exposed chest.

"So..." she said after another beat of silence, "that's that, is it?"

"What's what?"

"You're just... not going to comment on all that information I dropped on you? Not your death? Not Cid's time machine? Not even 'oh yes by the way the Emperor was an Ascian'?"

"Would it make you feel better if I pretend to be shocked by that last revelation? We both grew up in Garlemald's loving clutches," he scoffed, glancing up at her with fever-bloodshot blue eyes. "We have a continent-spanning war machine, darling. It don't exactly scream 'peaceful land of flowers and kittens', does it?"

She poked him in the chest, gently, but with enough emphasis to make him wince. "You were a cog in that machine until fairly recently, Tribunus."

"As were you."

"Yes." Aurelia's amused smile faded. "I suppose neither of us are innocent."

"I suppose not." He shivered, coughing again, and that was her cue to draw the blanket back over them both. She tucked her head against his, both her arms now draped loosely about his shoulders. One of his hands closed over her forearm and gave it a small squeeze.

She leaned forward, but Nero saw immediately what she was about and tilted her chin to the side with two fingertips before their lips could meet. "None of that, love, not unless you plan to join me in this misery. Save it for later."

Aurelia knew he was right--he was in fact being downright sensible, for once--but she felt a stab of disappointment anyway. When she'd entered the Ocular from the Norvrandt side she'd been half-drowning in homesickness and grief, and she'd been looking forward to sleeping in her own bed and bathing in her own house and just... letting all of the stress wash away, really. But she'd been looking forward to-

A hand closed about her wrist and lifted and Aurelia felt the press of his lips, a kiss that was warm and careful and very soft, against her open palm. Then he carefully placed it against his rough cheek and laced his fingers through hers, mouth curved in a faint and rather bleary-eyed smile.

"Missed you," he murmured--then promptly sneezed.

She laughed, despite herself.

"I missed you too," she said lightly. "Now go back to sleep. I've got work to do."

[xxx-cat-xxx]

Not Us

Inspired by the latest Endgame trailer.

I know that I can’t do justice to the whole Tony-Steve relationship mess with one 1.7k-word fic. I’m not even trying. Imagine this as part of a larger project that may or may not ever be written. Let’s pretend for this one that Pepper and Rhodey died in the snap or are otherwise indisposed. It contains illness and might be a bit sad (very very light suicidal TW for the last paragraph).

A million thanks to @whumphoarder for beta-reading.

Steve remembered the way his heart had been pounding in his throat when the spaceship first landed in front of the compound. How they’d all run outside and then stopped as if on command, torn between hope and dread at what awaited them.

What they’d seen when the ship finally opened its gates was somewhere in between the best and worst case scenarios. Tony was alive, albeit barely, dragging himself down the ramp with the help of a robot girl, his eyes looking through all of them as if they were just another group of ghosts that haunted him.

He’d spent a few days in the medical unit, just enough to get out of the danger zone that dehydration and malnutrition had brought on. He and Scott Lang had started to work on a plan the moment he was strong enough to hold a tablet. He’d gotten down to the workshop as soon as he could walk again, silently daring anyone to try and stop him. He still looked ill, desperately thin under the clothes that were so oversized they seemed to belong to someone else, and heavily favoured his left side while walking, aching from the remainders of an injury he wouldn’t allow anyone to tend to.

Some people move one. But not him.

Steve would never know the details of what had happened on Titan, having to make do with the bits and pieces Bruce and the others slipped him, although he was sure even they would never get to hear the full story. There had been a boy with Tony, they said, a child that Steve remembered blurrily from the battle in Leipzig as extraordinarily strong and a bit too talkative, a child that hadn’t returned to earth. But whatever had happened, it was clear that it had shaken Tony to his core, changed him to someone Steve hadn’t thought he possibly could become.

The early mornings at the compound had always been Steve’s alone to jog and quietly read the news upon return, to watch the sunrise without another soul around. But nobody could sleep nowadays.

Sometimes he’d meet Bruce in the kitchen, making tea with the calm, habitual movements of an old man, but the circles under his eyes would betray another sleepless night. Natasha was often found in the common room, silently staring out the window, as if looking out for someone who would never return. Sometimes Steve sat with her, the shared silence as comforting as anything could be these days. Sometimes it was too much to bear, and one of them would leave after minutes without speaking a word.

Some people move one. But not them.

One time at dawn he’d found Tony on the couch, thrashing and turning in the grip of a nightmare, an overturned scotch bottle on the ground speaking of how he’d tried to drown his thoughts the night before. Steve hadn’t dared to wake him, had stood silently, and, when the moans had become too frantic, had turned on his heels and called Bruce to intervene.

Tony was of course not the only one suffering from nightmares. Steve had never slept as badly as he did these days. Sometimes the dead came back to life. Then Bucky stood next to him, both of his arms made from flesh and blood, a smile that hadn’t been seen in decades hanging on his lips when he looked at Steve. Sometimes Sam was there too, circling high above them like the falcon that gave him his name. These were the nights when Steve would wake up with tears on his cheeks, when he would give anything to stay in that world the dreams opened up for him.

More often though, it was the living who’d step over into the world of the dead, the few souls that still meant something to him taken away at last. Natasha’s hair was always red when she died, nearly the same colour as the blood spreading rapidly beneath her body once it hit the ground. Sometimes Steve was the one who couldn’t save her. Sometimes he was the one who pulled the trigger.

They all were broken beyond repair, but the change was most obvious in Tony. The man’s unlimited energy was still there, but now it was of a dark, destructive nature that seemed to entail despair. The sparkling of creativity that had brought so many inventions to life had transformed into a mad, raging fire that everyone knew would leave him burned out and hollow at the end. He wouldn’t sleep, hardly ate a thing, and talked much less than he used to. His jokes, as rare as they were now, had gone from good-natured irony to stinging cynicism.

Even in the worst periods, Tony Stark had been a man who enjoyed life, who wanted to survive just for the sake of living. Now it was different - Steve felt that all that kept the man going was the determination to bring back the ones they’d lost, that the moment this would happen, he’d crumble to earth without anything left to force him into getting up again.

Two weeks after the landing, Tony started coughing - a cracking kind of noise that sounded painful and dry. Bruce tried to talk him into getting checked out by the only doctor left at the compound, fearing he might have caught pneumonia after the long period of isolation in space. But Tony refused with the same stubbornness he’d refuse to eat and rest, ignoring the way the cough slowly turned into a wet rattling deep in his chest.

The worry creased in Bruce’s face became permanent, nothing left of the gleaming hope that had sparked in all of them when the spaceship had first shown up on their radar. It was only reluctantly that he left with Nat when the first message of Clint’s whereabouts reached them. Tony, looking sweaty and flushed, essentially forced them out of the door. The moment they were gone, he vanished back into the workshop without another look at Steve.

Steve was in the gym the next night, trying to chase away depression with the pain that would only come from hours of working out, when Scott entered without knocking.

“You need to get downstairs,” he stated without a greeting, “I think Stark’s having a panic attack.”

“What?” Steve frowned, caught off-guard, “I don’t think I’m the right person to -”

“No one else is here, unless you count that robotic girl who’s currently taking apart her own leg in the swimming pool. Look, I don’t care what happened between the two of you. I’m here to bring back my family, not to deal with Tony Stark’s PTSD. You’ve got much more experience with this kind of stuff, and you’ve known him far longer.”

So Steve had gone.

The lab still smelled like it used to, but it seemed larger and darker without robots whirring around and with a distinct lack of rock music blaring from the speakers.

Tony was pressed into the small gap between a cupboard and a workbench, trembling and drawing in small, flat breaths in quick succession. He was staring into space with wide open eyes, their darkness in stark contrast to his otherwise ghostly white face. It was clear from a mile away that he was running a fever, the glassy eyes and beads of sweat above his brows betraying the illness even before Steve could feel the heat coming off him in waves.

“Tony?” he asked in a forcibly calm voice while kneeling down a few steps away, knowing better than to touch him.

There was no reply except a sucked-in breath that made Tony’s lungs rattle. The distressed look on his face morphed into outright panic when the air didn’t reach its intended destination. His frail hands clutched at his chest in a useless attempt to force oxygen inside.

“Tony. It’s okay, you’re safe. We’re at the compound, in New York, remember?”

Tony sucked in another mouthful of air, setting off a coughing fit that had him doubling over in pain. His head hit the workbench in the process, and maybe that was what made him snap out of it. When he looked up, there was a bit of recognition in his eyes.

“What-What the fuck are you doing here?” he croaked.

“You’re sick, Tony. You need to-”

“You’ve got no idea what I need, Rogers. And no right to tell me what to do.“

“You’re angry. Fine, I understand. But Tony, you haven’t talked to me-”

He was cut off by Tony descending into another coughing fit that had his whole body shaking. He wheezed and retched, hacking up strings of red-tinged phlegm that stained the collar of his shirt.

Steve put a hand on his back, reflexively trying to ease him.

“Get off me,” Tony gasped, his voice full of spite, but when Steve looked at him, his face conveyed pure terror. It was the same look he’d had in Siberia, when Steve had smashed the arc reactor instead of his head, ending the fight. Ending everything else that had ever been there in between them.

“Okay.” Steve backed off. Tony was taking rattling breaths, his eyes half-shut, looking like he was having a hard time staying conscious.

“I’m… I should leave, I think. I’ll ask Scott to help you to your room,” Steve said quietly.

But he didn’t move, the clouds of unspoken words hanging heavily in the air, paralyzing him.

In the end, it was Tony who broke the silence.

“Why us, Steve?” he slurred deliriously. “Why did we survive, while the ones who deserved to live had to go?”

“I don’t know,” Steve replied, all the sadness of the world caught in his voice. “I always thought that there was justice in what was happening in the world, a deeper sense to why we’re here. But now I think it’s all just madness.”

“What will we do?” Tony asked, desperately. “What will we do if we can’t get them back?”

“We have to.” There was only one reply Steve could give, the only one he’d ever had.

Some people move one. But not us.

Steve leaned forward, laid a hand on the other man’s bony shoulder, feeling the heat pulsating through his shirt. Tony looked up at him, sick and defeated and lost, frantically searching for something that would be worth staying alive for. This time, he didn’t push Steve away.

[vaingloriosa]

Why Don’t Snakes Have Arms?

Connor x Reader

Words: 1,768

Summary: You thought you could manage work while running a high fever and feeling absolutely miserable. You guess you are wrong. Way wrong.

Requested by: Anonymous

Author’s note: you may look at this title and think, “what the ever living fuck has angel gotten us into?” and all i can say is...you’ll see. also, anon, hope u don’t mind that i tweaked your prompt a bit (maybe a whole lot...whoops)

masterlist

“I thought I advised you to stay home.”

Behind your sunglasses, you appear to be fine though underneath your façade, you couldn’t help but feel an impending doom looming over the horizon. You wave a dismissal right hand before you sneeze into the crook of your elbow and feel the blow in your chest.

“I’m fine, really, Connor,” you manage to get that sentence out when you feel a phlegm-y cough at the back of your throat. You clear your throat and straighten out your dark coat, faking your way through this.

“You’re running a fever.”

“Typical. My body’s fighting back.”

“You haven’t taken any medication.”

“I was running late!”

Connor furrows his brows at your stubbornness. He opens the door for you as soon as you sneeze again, this time a little more harshly than before. He places a warm hand on your shoulder as the two of you walk over to the bullpen to get to work. You find your desk and plop down with the full force of your weight onto the innocent desk chair. It squeaks, slowly wheeling you away from your terminal but you allow the chair to take you wherever it pleases. Connor frowns then stifles a laugh as you begin to scramble towards the files on your desk. You’ve just become his mission: try and make you as comfortable as possible.

But that’s easier said than done.

Not even an hour in and your waste bin overflows with used tissues. At this point, you aren’t even aiming correctly because your vision has become bleary from your cold. Your body becomes a revolving door between two extremes of cold and sweltering. Even Gain, the man who makes it his side job to roast everyone in the precinct, has taken pity over you and stopped making jokes about your sick self. Connor looks over to Hank who is watching all this unfold before his very eyes. He nods over to the Captain’s office who happens to make eye contact with him. Fowler lets out a big sigh and nods in your direction.

You need to go home and rest.

“Good luck, kid,” Hank tells him as Connor grabs his coat from the back of his desk chair. Connor approaches you cautiously in order to not startle you while you write with haste on a piece of paper.

“Hey,” Connor says your voice in a sweet tone, gingerly placing his hands on your shoulders and gently massaging them. Your shoulders drop immediately at the touch, careful in biting back the moans that want to escape. “I think you should go back home and rest.”

You shake your head in protest. “I’m doing just fine, honey.”

Connor squints at the police report you have in front of you. Upon closer inspection, he knows that you are not in any position to be at work.

“You wrote ‘why the fuck don’t snakes have any arms?’ then proceeded to explain your own question.” He places the paper neatly in front of you and you frown.

“It’s a valid question, don’t you think?”

Connor places his hand under your arm and begins to lift you up. You want to resist but you give in to his touch. He grabs your coat and purse then places the warm coat over your shoulders then pulls you close. As soon as you leave the precinct and into a driver-less taxi, you nearly nod off to sleep on Connor’s shoulder. You only wake when the vibrations of the road that rocked you to sleep came to a stop. You rise from the taxi and feel instant regret as blood surges to your brain too quickly and causes a minor headache. You huff and trudge up the stairs of the brownstone. The perks of living in “Old Detroit” as it was plainly dubbed meant living in a part of the industrial revolution history with a technological twist. You press your thumbprint on the scanner near the doorknob and with a tiny beep, you nearly stumble inside.

“Here, I’ll take that,” Connor offers as you shrug off your coat and give it to him. You navigate towards your bedroom and groan when you realize an obstacle.

“Ugh, why does my house have stairs!” you holler in a hoarse voice into the air and let out a frustrated groan. You grab a hold of the handrails and begrudgingly make the trek upstairs to get into your cozy pajamas.

Suddenly, euphoria takes on the shape of your bed as you flop down on your back and pull the duvet closer to you. You hear a knock on the open door and peak through the covers to see Connor standing with a glass of water in one hand and a pill bottle in the other.

“You should take these.” He walks over and puts the items on the nightstand. You roll over on your side away from Connor and moan into your pillow. Your arms begin to feel like concrete, slowly sinking into the mattress.

“They taste like ass,” you say into your pillow and huff, quietly laughing to yourself. Connor simply rolls his eyes as he still tries to figure out the different colloquialisms of human beings.

“But if snakes had arms, they’d be lizards.”

Connor tilts his head at how out of the blue your sentence is. He says your name in the form of a question but it seems like you can’t hear him.

“That reminds me of this one time my family went to the zoo...hold on-” You shakily stand up and press your back against your headboard to act as support. Connor’s initial reaction is to reach for you and his eyes are full of concern.

“Since when did I get up here?”

Connor shakes his head. “You don’t remember?”

You didn’t. From all you can remember, you had been in the taxi and somehow ended up here. Your fever had taken over and put your entire body on autopilot for the time being. You start to slink back down underneath the duvet as you feel the world beginning to spin once again. You spot the medication then think that maybe this can help and drink the medication down the hatch. You suck on your teeth at the bitter aftertaste and close your eyes as the water burns while it travels down your scratchy throat.

Connor begins a scan and concludes you are suffering from delirium due to your high fever. He starts to speak up until he’s soon hit with a message from the D.P.D. Connor’s eyes begin to flutter as he gathers the information, LED turning a curious yellow then readjusts his vision. Another homicide case that requires his assistance.

He feels awful in leaving you in the state that you’re in. Connor begins to reason to himself that perhaps you will give into the pull of sleep and knock out like a light for several hours while he’s gone. Then again, you can be quite unpredictable.

“I just received a case. I’m sorry to leave you but I have to go. I will be back, I promise.” Connor bends down to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. As he begins to leave, you grab a hold of his wrist to prevent him from walking any further.

“Connor, please, stay...at least...until I go to sleep,” you plead with him. You don’t understand why you begin to cry but you don’t fight the tears that drop along your cheek. “I don’t want you to go. Please.”

Connor melts at your request and can’t find the heart to tell you no. Captain Fowler would understand the reasoning for his absence, hopefully. He sits back down next to you and runs his hands over your hair to soothe you. He learned that you enjoyed this one time when you two had been watching a film here and you laid your head on his lap. It felt like an instinct to reach over and play with your hair and you gave him the green light.

You hum in content at the feeling. Your fingers find Connor’s free hand and you brush the pads on your fingers over the top. “Can you do that thing where you make your skin disappear? It’s fascinating.”

After escaping from his programming, Connor suddenly felt like a fish out of water. For the first time, he had experienced entirely new emotions completely foreign to him. Being an android made for obstacles but you two embraced them together head on. You had asked him one day to show who he really was underneath the synthetic skin and as much as that request made him question if you would still see love him, he showed you his true self. Connor remembers the smile that crossed your lips and how you captured his lips into yours, telling him how much you love him. This is a part of him and you will love him unconditionally and would work through this insecurity together.

Connor finally felt like he belonged.

Now, showing his true self doesn’t bother him and makes for a fun party trick. The synthetic skin disappears in the blink of an eye and you let out a small gasp. In your fever state, everything captures your attention and this is no different. It feels like you are witnessing this transformation for the first time. You marvel at the intricacies of each joint and how seamless each line is. Connor moves his arm for you to see his palm, rewarding him a second gasp that nearly makes him laugh. You touch the palm of his hand and trace shapes along the smooth surface.

“I love having an android boyfriend. I love you, Connor, you know that? Hope you do.”

Connor takes your hand into his and kisses the top of your hand. “I love you, too.”

You wave your other hand to try and dry the new tears that fall from your face. You use the heel of your hand to dab underneath your eyes. “That’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. I don’t deserve you.”

He can detect the sleepiness in your tone as the cold medicine begins to kick in. You nestle your head deeper into the pillow all the while you hold onto Connor’s hand. You can feel your eyelids become heavy because of sleep but you try to fight it to feel the warmth of your boyfriend. Before you succumb to the much needed rest your body needs, you hear his calming voice.

“Goodnight. I’ll be here if you need me, love.”

Tagging: @kwaiky, @rebelfinn, @chrisevansthedoritobastard, @black-widow-fangirl, @connorshero, @yonaih

[meatsackk]

The sickness came slowly, starting as a very harsh cough with lots of phlegm and some minor fatigue. I continued about my regular garrison activities as if nothing was wrong. Then came the night sweats, fever dreams, intense body pangs. Within a week I was losing weight, unable to smoke cigarettes from lack of oxygen flow in my lungs. It’s as if they had shrunk up, my throat had swelled and filled with mucus. I could barely get out of bed, shaky with an intense migraine. Vomiting every hour or so, not able to keep down food or drink or sit stand or walk for very long. Pale and sweaty. I waited about three weeks and decided it was only getting worse and grew concerned. One morning I got in my fatigues and I went to sick call to be seen by a doctor. After explaining my symptoms to a medic in the room where you’re seen, my blood pressure and heartbeat was taken. My blood pressure was 82/ I believe 100. The medic checked it three times and said that I shouldn’t even be walking. I explained that it was rather severe. 15 minutes later a civilian doctor in full hazmat suit comes in yelling at me about COVID and how I exposed people if I have it. I told her to shut the fuck up and help me I don’t care about getting in trouble it feels like I’m going to die. They kicked me out and sent me to another hospital. I waited in the parking lot for four hours until I was escorted in a back door and lead to a room by a civilian doctor. He did a full scan and I received my second covid test of that day. Extremely rude and passive. Prescribed me some cough medicine and told me it’s probably covid and I’m going to be quarantined for two weeks, but it could also be pneumonia. I asked him what happens if it’s pneumonia and I have no care, I can barely breathe. I have to walk in periods to catch my breath, I’m not okay. He said when the test comes back they will give me the proper care. I was shuttled back to my barracks for quarantine, leaving out of the same back door, escorted. Each day four times a day I would crawl from my bed to that bathtub and take a bath so that the hot water and steam would allow me to breath. The sudden oxygen to my brain would make me pass out. I learned to hang my limbs out of the water. I would be so weak and zoned out just staring at the ceiling. Memories flashing behind my glazed eyes. The doctor saying “you just need to breath more and drink more water.” Running over and over in my head. I felt my spirit growing weaker each day. I felt my life slipping away. I began to hallucinate. Throughout the day and night. Nightmares when I slept, and when I woke my clothes and sheets and blankets are soaked, and I mean SOAKED. I rarely peed because I couldn’t hydrate fast enough to not sweat it out. I tried reaching out to the appropriate people but help never came. I cried to myself and prayed and I was angry that this was how I was going to die. All day each day I considered reaching out to friends or family but no one that would care came to mind. About 15 days after I left that hospital and no additional medication, food, or care was provided for me, my spirit left my body while I laid in my barracks bed. Alone. Forsaken. Yadda, yadda. I saw my body laying in my bed. Then I was in a cavern and some dude man out of shadows or some shit tried fucking with me so we squared up and that mother fucker Bruce lee saying be like water popped into mind so man I just dodged and juked his shit and he gave up. There was a stone door and that looked like the only way to go in the cavern and next thing I remember I’m back in my body. I took a salt bath, then it felt like my whole body was falling asleep and vibrating and I was gonna have a stroke or something so I sank to my knees naked as fuck and soaking wet and just tried to breath until it passed. After not even week the worst part of the sickness was gone. I was smoking cigarettes again after about two weeks. No one from work even came to check on me. I didn’t tell anyone, because no one would believe me. I didn’t come back the same.

[sickandvomiting]

Okay, so I really like your OC Jon (Tron). I know emeto is your main, but I was wondering if you would consider doing a drabble with him just having a terrible cold? You can include other OCs of your choice, of course! (If not, that is 100 percent fine, and I understand completely!)

This was so fun to write oh my god. I also realize that I’ve never actually used Jeeves before so have some Jeeves as well. Thank you for the prompt!!

“UGHHHHHHHH”, Tron moaned loudly. The sound was muffled by at least five blankets that Tron had stolen from his friend’s beds over the course of the night. Even with the added layers, he was still shivering. God, it was so cold. He sniffled miserably and rolled onto his other side, trying to find a comfortable way to position his aching, chill-wracked body. He tried to take a breath in through his nose, but the air caught in his sinuses and he couldn’t fully inhale. It was like someone has stuffed his nose full of cotton, then added more for good measure, then sealed the whole thing off with a cork. He manually blocked one nostril and sucked in hard, trying to clear the path, but it only served to dislodge a bit of the mucus, which he choked on as it hit his windpipe. He launched into a painful coughing fit, the force of which seemed to tear at his already sore and swollen throat. When the fit subsided he practically yelled in frustration. He just wanted to feel better already.

It had been days. Days of hiding under stuffy blankets, and alternating between freezing and burning– sometimes he felt like he was both hot and cold at the same time. Days of blowing his stuffed and yet still running nose into scratchy government issue toilet paper. Days of barely being able to swallow because his glands were so swollen and the back of his throat was so raw. Nights of restless, fitful sleep accompanied by dark dreams and haunting shadows that his fever addled brain took a few minutes to shake even after he woke up. And he was done.

    “Muffinnnn,” he whined noisily to the camp cook. His voice was gravelly and cracking, and he coughed weakly as the action irritated his throat. “I’m actually dying, Muffin. Write me a nice eulogy. Tell my parents I loved them.” However, because he was completely buried under a mound of blankets, he couldn’t see that Muffin had already left. He had left quite awhile ago, actually. The only one left in the barracks was Jeeves, a whiny twig of a man who was spoiled rotten by rich parents as a child and well into his adult life as well.

    “Better you than me, Tron,” Jeeves said with a contemptuous sniff. “Just try not to get the rest of us sick.” He had his t-shirt’s neck pulled over his nose and mouth. An unintelligible grumble came from under the mound of blankets.

    “What was that now?” Jeeves leaned as close as he thought was safe.

    “I SAID FUCK YOU JEEVES!” Tron roared as he pulled the blankets from over his face for added clarity. However, the effort of yelling was too much for his scratchy throat and threw him into a particularly violent coughing.

Tron buried his face into the crook of his elbow and he hacked. He felt a disgusting mix of phlegm and spittle flying from his lips as his lungs tried to force their way out his mouth, and he felt something in his ribcage pop, sending a spike of pain radiating all the way down his side. And the thing worst thing was it didn’t seem to be stopping. He just coughed and hacked and gagged when the coughs were too strong. His eyes were closed tight against the pressure. He was sure that if he opened them they would pop right out of it skull. White spots danced across the corners of his vision with each barking expulsion. Tears slid down his cheeks from pain and exertion as he gasped for air, which only made him cough harder. He only vaguely registered the sounds of the door opening and slamming shut. Seconds later the sound repeated, and suddenly he felt large strong hands on his back, one steadying him and the other patting firmly between his shoulder blades. Muffin. He felt smaller fingers, slender and soft, pushing back his bangs from his sweaty forehead and pushing a cool damp washcloth in their place.

When the fit finally subsided he hung his head weakly. The small hands kept the cloth pressed to his face when his head dropped, and someone wiped the mess of saliva and tears from his face with toilet tissue.

“Guhhh,” he groaned miserably as he opened his red-rimmed eyes blinking slowly as they acclimated to the light. He heard a high pitched yelp and suddenly the small hands left his forehead.

He tried to focus his hazy vision on the startled figure in front of him. He was surprised to recognize Jeeves. His addled brain tried to figure out what had caused the fright, but this was answered for him when Jeeves suddenly grabbed Tron’s face in both hands and turned it toward the light, looking hard at his left eye.  

“It’s bright red!!” Jeeves whispered in awe. “I think you burst a blood vessel in your sclera during the fit!” He turned Tron’s head about, inspecting his eye, clearly fascinated. He hastily added, “Sorry about the jump, it just wasn’t what I expected to see.”

“How you are ever gonna be a doctor if you jump at red eyes is beyond me,” Muffin said.

“H-hey now!” Jeeves started, voice cracking in indignation.

Tron rasped, “How you’re ever gonna be a doctor when you pull a t-shirt over your face to keep from catching a cold is beyond me…” His throat was entirely shot, and his voice sounded more like a pitiful squeak than anything else. Tron moaned as Jeeves released his face, and his aching head fell heavily into his own hands. He felt like his skull would split in two any second.

Jeeves thought for a second. He could go sulk about their rude remarks. That’s what he really wanted to do. But he wanted to show them that he was okay to study medicine. He wanted to show them that wasn’t as bad as they assumed.  So instead of going to skulk around the camp, he rewet the washcloth and dabbed it gently over Tron’s flushed face.

    “To be entirely fair, this seems more like the fucking pneumonic plague than a cold,” he said softly, aware of how loud noises might affect his ill comrade’s splitting headache. Jeeves looked up toward Muffin. He was met with wide, shocked eyes.

    “I didn’t know you actually knew swear words!” Muffin chided.

    “Yeah, when you hang around ingrates like you guys enough, you pick up a few things.” Jeeves voice was gentle, his tone kind. Which was strange for the normally callous young man. An odd mischievous grin played at his lips before he pressed the cloth into Tron’s hand and stood, ready to leave. He was just about to close the door when Muffin nudged Tron and cocked his head in Jeeves’ direction, eyebrows indicating that he was expecting something more from the ill man. Tron grumbled a bit, but looked the smaller man in the eyes.

    “Thanks, Jesse,” he managed. After a moment’s pause, he added, “You’re a decent guy under all of the weird sweaty angst, ya know?”

    A genuine smile lit up Jeeves’ face at the use of his given name. But he held a slender finger up in front of his lips and said “Shhh. Don’t let anyone else know, yeah?”

    Both Tron and Muffin pressed a finger to their lips in agreement. Jeeves turned on his heel and stalked out the door.

    Muffin turned to Tron and met his eyes, Both whispered a simultaneous bewildered “What the fuck??”

    Jeeves smiled to himself. Maybe there was hope for him yet.

[tipsycad147]

The sniffles. The 'flu. The cranky tummy. The hacking cough.

All travel around quicker than a skittish reindeer during the winter and while many of us might want to turn to herbal remedies for some help, it can be hard to know what herb to choose - especially when you're feeling under the weather.

With a bit of preparation, you can create an easy-to-use winter apothecary for common seasonal complaints. It all begins by getting to know your winter plant allies and selecting a few that you become comfortable working with. One herb often serves many needs (because plants are galaxies of healing, blessed be!) and you don't need to know a hundred herbs, but just a handful, to help you keep well during the winter. Each herb listed below is in at least two categories if not more to help you find a few herbs that will work for a multitude of complaints. I have not created an extensive, never-ending list of herbs for each common winter ailment listed below because I am hoping to encourage focused simplicity in your practice. However, you might already use an herb for one or more of the categories below that is not listed and you are very much encouraged to incorporate it into your list of indispensable winter herbs.

Since Creating A Winter Apothecary is part of the free Plant Ally Project series (check out the Thirty Day Challenge for a more in-depth herbal experience), I'm going to offer suggestions for herbs that you might check out but it's up to you to meet the plants and build a custom winter apothecary for you and your loved ones. Subscribers to my Magick Mail get a free worksheet and quick guide to organise their winter apothecary and easily reference what herb they might need for whatever winter illness issue that might arise.

Creating Your Winter Apothecary

Begin by reading through the list of herbs below in each of the ten categories. I've listed when I've written about each herb, but you can also start with my Winter Wellness: Healing Herbs for the Dark of the Year which profiles some herbs on this list.

After doing some research, choose one herb from each category. You might end up with 10 different herbs to work with, but most likely you'll have less since each herb can be found in more than one category.

Learn about the best way to prepare your herb as a remedy. I've listed common remedy preparations in my Plant Ally Project Thirty Day Challenge. If you're looking for more in-depth and diverse herbal remedy tutorials check out the Lunar Apothecary.

Gather together your chosen herbs and have them in an easy to access space in your home. I encourage you to add labels to their containers (whether a loose herb jar or a tincture bottle) that indicates what the herb can be used for as well as dosage. You might have a jar of Sage (Salvia officinalis) and label it with the following description: "Good for wet coughs + excess phlegm, congestion, sore throats, and indigestion. Dosage is 1 teaspoon per cup of water."

Create your own Winer Apothecary "cheat sheet" with my free worksheet and quick guide available to my Magick Mail subscribers.

Herbs for Preventative Care or Daily Tonics

Let's start with some daily winter tonics which are nutritive, generally warming, and often immunomodulating (as opposed to immunostimulating - which we'll look at later). These are herbs that can be taken on a daily basis throughout the winter.

Elder (Sambucus nigra): Read more about Elder in my Tree of Medicine and Winter Wellness post.

Ginger (Zingiber officinalis): Read more about Ginger in my Aries Astroherbology Profile.

Milky Oats (Avena sativa)

Sacred Basil or Tulsi (Ocimum sanctum)

Thyme (Thymus vulgaris)

Herbs for Dry + Hacking Coughs

Moistening or mucilaginous herbs are of great help when the respiratory tract is dry and irritated. Many of these herbs have additional nervine qualities which help to relax the tension brought on by irritation.

Elecampane (Inula helenium): Read more about Elecampane on my Winter Wellness post.

Angelica (Angelica archangelica): Read about Angelica in my To Ignite the Imagination post.

Mullein (Verbascum thapsus): I write more about Mullein on the Capricorn Astroherbology Profile.

Thyme (Thymus vulgaris)

Vervain (Verbena officinalis)

Herbs for Wet Coughs + Excess Phlegm

Herbs that are astringent can be excellent allies in drying up excess damp and phlegm in the system. They help to tone, tighten, and restore tissues to their optimal state, preventing or helping the body to recover from infection or prevent it from settling in the body.

Elecampane (Inula helenium): Read more about Elecampane in my Winter Wellness post.

Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis): Read more about Rosemary in my Remembering Wholeness post.

Sacred Basil or Tulsi (Ocimum sanctum)

Sage (Salvia officinalis)

Yerba Mansa (Anemopsis californica)

Herbs for Sore Throats

Similar to herb for dry and hacking coughs, herbs for sore throats are generally moistening in nature. Some are more drying and others are more moistening while others are neutral in temperature. Many are also anodyne in nature, meaning that they offer pain relief, which is an added bonus when dealing with the discomfort of sore throats.

Angelica (Angelica archangelica): Read about Angelica in my To Ignite the Imagination post.

Cleavers (Galium alparine): Especially useful when the lymph glands are swollen.

Peppermint (Mentha piperita): Read more about Peppermint in our Winter Wellness and Quicken the Mind posts.

Sage (Salvia officinalis)

Thyme (Thymus vulgaris)

Vervain (Verbena officinalis)

Yerba Mansa (Anemopsis californica)

Herbs for Drippy Noses

Herbs that are warming, astringent, and tonifying to the mucus membranes can help take care of the drippiness of an unhappy nose.

Ginger (Zingiber officinalis): Read more about Ginger in my Aries Astroherbology Profile.

Peppermint (Mentha piperita): Read more about Peppermint in our Winter Wellness and Quicken the Mind

Yerba Mansa (Anemopsis californica): Yerba Mansa is a tophorestorative for the mucus membranes which is why it is great for both drippy and congested noses.

Herbs for Congested Noses

Herbal expectorants help the body cough, sneeze, and release excess mucus, clearing out congestion and helping us breath clearly again. Pay attention to the color of your mucus. Yellow mucus indicates heat (think of sunny warm yellow) and more cooling expectorant herbs are useful while clear or white mucus indicates cold (think of snowy cold white) and warming expectorant herbs are a better choice.

Elecampane (Inula helenium): Read more about Elecampane on my Winter Wellness post.

Ginger (Zingiber officinalis): Read more about Ginger in my Aries Astroherbology Profile.

Peppermint (Mentha piperita): Read more about Peppermint in our Winter Wellness and Quicken the Mind.

Sacred Basil or Tulsi (Ocimum sanctum)

Sage (Salvia officinalis)

Thyme (Thymus vulgaris)

Yerba Mansa (Anemopsis californica)

Herbs to Cleanse the Lymphatic System

Our hard-working lymphatic system can get clogged down leading to uncomfortably swollen glands that can't properly process blood and fluid which means white blood cells are transferred less effectively throughout the body. Adding lymphatic cleansers to cold care blends can be very helpful in promoting a speedy recovery or preventing a virus from settling in the body in the first place.

Calendula (Calendula officinalis)

Cleavers (Galium alparine)

Mullein (Verbascum thapsus): Read more about Mullein in the Capricorn Astroherbology Profile.

Yarrow (Achillea millefolium): Read more about Yarrow in The Warrior + The Healer post.

Herbs to Stimulate the Immune System

The following herbs are known as immunostimulators meaning that they stimulate the immune system into action and are best used for a the short run when you're dealing with a cold or 'flu or in a higher risk situation for exposure (such as air travel or hanging around kindergarteners).

Boneset (Eupatorium perfoliatum)

Echinacea (Echinacea purpurea)

Elder (Sambucus nigra): Some folks categorize Elder as immunostimulating as well as immunomodulating. What Elder does is disrupts a viruses' ability to replicate and while that does stimulate the immune system into action, I have not found Elder to be more useful as tonic than a short-term herb for acute symptoms (though it still is effective in the short term because it's a pretty darn amazing plant). Read more about Elder in my Tree of Medicine and Winter Wellness post.

Yerba Mansa (Anemopsis californica)

Herbs for Fever + Achiness

Fevers help our bodies to burn off infection and as long as they stay within a safe range (when a fever in an adult is consistently 103° or higher and lasts for three days or more it is time to seek medical help). Yet, fevers can come with accompanying discomfort including aches and pains which may be relieved by the herbal remedies listed below.

Boneset (Eupatorium perfoliatum): Especially useful for when the bones feel achy otherwise known as "break-bone fever."

Echinacea (Echinacea purpurea)

Elder Berry (Sambucus nigra): Read more about Elder in my Tree of Medicine and Winter Wellness post.

Elder Flower (Sambucus nigra): When restlessness and irritability is present. An Elder Flower foot bath can be helpful for those who are having difficulty sleeping. Read more about Elder in my Tree of Medicine and Winter Wellness post.

Elecampane (Inula helenium): Read more about Elecampane on my Winter Wellness post.

Ginger (Zingiber officinalis): Read more about Ginger in my Aries Astroherbology Profile.

Milky Oat (Avena sativa): While not an herb specific to fever it can be very useful in recovering from a fever when there are signs of adrenal burnout, fatigue or if the illness has been brought on, in part, because of not allowing oneself to take time grieve a loss.

Peppermint (Mentha piperita): Read more about Peppermint in our Winter Wellness and Quicken the Mind.

Sacred Basil or Tulsi (Ocimum sanctum)

Thyme (Thymus vulgaris)

Vervain (Verbena officinalis): For type 'A's who don't know when to stop and need to relax in order to heal.

Yarrow (Achillea millefolium): Read more about Yarrow in The Warrior + The Healer post.

Herbs for Indigestion

Whether indigestion that has come with the 'flu or from a sluggish system burdened by too many rich winter foods, the following herbs, many of which are considered digestive bitters, can help to improve intestinal tone, relieve gas and cramping, and help to rekindle the digestive fires.

Angelica (Angelica archangelica)

Calendula (Calendula officinalis): Especially good for inflammation along the intestinal tract as well as stomach ulcers.

Ginger (Zingiber officinalis): Read more about Ginger in my Aries Astroherbology Profile.

Peppermint (Mentha piperita): Read more about Peppermint in our Winter Wellness and Quicken the Mind.

Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis)

Sacred Basil or Tulsi (Ocimum sanctum)

Sage (Salvia officinalis)

Yarrow (Achillea millefolium): Read more about Yarrow in The Warrior + The Healer post.

I hope you're feeling inspired to create your own Winter Wellness Apothecary!

Share your collection of winter herbs and remedies with the #PlantAllyProject tag (you can find images from the Thirty Day Challenge posted on instagram and tumblr) and be sure to check out the rest of the Plant Ally Project series.

http://www.wortsandcunning.com/blog/plant-ally-project-creating-a-winter-apothecary?

[professorpalmarosa]

Dirty Bird (Hawks Eye - Sailor Moon Super S)

Out of the Amazon Trio, Hawks Eye was my guilty fave. 

We saw the least of him out of the three, so it was a special treat when I knew one of his episodes was coming up. That said, he did have the worst outfits and disguises. Just...look. See for yourself.

Since most of his targets (with Aino Minako, Sailor Venus, as the sole exception as part of a dare with Tigers Eye) were older women, I wanted his scent to be a more mature one than the other two.

My inspiration came from sappy overdrawn-out films that attempt to make you cry (and fail) like The English Patient, Earl Grey tea, and a few random things that girls I knew in college picked up as habits in an attempt to look “more mature.”

The end result is Dirty Bird: a sultry, sexy bomb that turns the tub the color of a good Merlot or Sauvignon once it hits the water. Then, just like that hot film student you’re totally banging and don’t want your partner to know you have, it leaves no trace behind when you’re done with it.

Bergamot Essential Oil (bergaptren removed)

Bergamot is an unforgettable scent, and one of my top three smells of all time. Almost all Bergamot is harvested from Calabria, Italy. My essential oils and top ten brands of Earl Grey tea (bergamot is what gives it its distinct scent) are no exception.

Pros:

It’s a great deodorizer! Not only can Bergamot be added to a spray to make your room or laundry smell better, but it is also a great natural deodorant. It can hide the smell of your armpit funk in a pinch!

Reduce the appearance of scars and promote a healthier glow to your skin! Bergamot (like Amyris) is a very useful cicatrisant, meaning that it can reduce the appearance of scars and blemishes. It promotes your skin to grow healthier, newer skin and do away with the discoloration. Some people also use bergamot as part of an eczema treatment regimen, but there’s insufficient evidence of its effectiveness for eczema.

Give your digestive system a boost! Bergamot increases the amount of saliva and digestive enzymes your body produces. As a result, it’s easier to digest food and can even be used to assist with constipation or a loss of appetite.

Relax and get some good rest! Bergamot has a sedative property, but can also be used to calm down tired and exhausted muscles. Your aches and pains melt away, leaving you in a calm, peaceful state before you drift off to slumberland.

Reduce a fever and kill germs while you’re at it! Bergamot can lower your body temperature by a degree or two, taking the edge off a mild fever so you come down from it a little quicker. Bergamot is an effective febrifuge (fever reducer), but is also great for killing germs and reducing risk of infection. Bergamot does this by increasing the amount of sweat you produce. This cools your body and also makes it easier to excrete the toxins and other things that are ailing you.

Cons:

Due to its high limonene, alpha-pinene, and geraniol content, Bergamot is NOT a cat-safe oil. If you plan to diffuse this oil, don’t trap your kitty in the room with you.

Bergamot has a sedative effect on some people. If you need to concentrate intensely on a task, drive, or operate heavy machinery, you may want to wait until you’re home for the day to use this oil.

Do not use this essential oil if you are pregnant, trying to become pregnant, or breastfeeding. Bergamot is likely unsafe for fetuses and babies.

Since Bergamot can lower blood sugar in some people, it is best to avoid using this oil if you are scheduled to have surgery within the next 2 weeks. If you have diabetes and plan to use Bergamot, monitor your blood sugar more closely.

Bergamot has a chemical called bergaptren within it. This chemical is incredibly photosensitive, making Bergamot one of the most potentially phototoxic essential oils you can buy. The bergamot that I purchased from Essential Oil Labs has the bergaptren significally reduced, but it’s still better to ere on the side of caution and not use this oil if you plan to hit the tanning bed or be out in the sun for a long period of time.

Due to Bergamot’s photosensitivity factor, you will want to consider avoiding this oil if you take any medications that increase your sensitivity to sunlight. Taken from WebMD, lists of photosensitive medications include amitriptyline (Elavil), Ciprofloxacin (Cipro), norfloxacin (Noroxin), lomefloxacin (Maxaquin), ofloxacin (Floxin), levofloxacin (Levaquin), sparfloxacin (Zagam), gatifloxacin (Tequin), moxifloxacin (Avelox), trimethoprim/sulfamethoxazole (Septra), tetracycline, methoxsalen (8-methoxypsoralen, 8-MOP, Oxsoralen), and Trioxsalen (Trisoralen).

Although Bergamot is safe for diffusing around children, it is not safe for them to ingest it. To be frank, you should never take an essential oil internally without express permission from your physician to do so. An overdose of bergamot has even killed kids before, so don’t risk it.

Fragonia Essential Oil

Fragonia is a relatively new essential oil to the aromatherapy scene. The name “Fragonia” is copyrighted by an Australian company. All essential oil listed as “Fragonia” can be traced back to the same plantation.

One part pine-like, one part floral, it’s a remarkable and better smelling alternative to Tea Tree and Niaouli. This is one of my favorite oils, and I knew from a month ago I’d put it in Hawks Eye’s blend!

Pros:

Reduce Jet Lag! Due to the relaxing properties of this oil, diffusing Fragonia can allegedly help reduce the impact of jet lag on a traveler’s body. When I go to visit Hong Kong next year, I’ll probably carry a Fragonia-infused lotion with me to test that theory myself.

Reduce inflammation and kill germs! A study conducted at the University of Western Australia discovered Fragonia Essential Oil has significant antimicrobial capabilities that exceed those of standard Tea Tree Essential Oil. The oil also has anti-inflammatory properties and can be used to treat red and inflamed skin.

Improve your respiratory health! Therapeutically, Fragonia Essential Oil is predominantly used for respiratory conditions like colds, sinus infections, congestion, and bronchitis. After I had a really bad allergic reaction to Lemon Tea Tree (September’s Oil of the Month) earlier this week, I owe my recovery to three essential oils in total: Rhododendron, Fragonia, and Cajeput. Any of these will help you out a ton.

Cons:

Fragonia Essential Oil is generally considered to be universally safe when diluted. However, due to its high a-Pinene content (approximately 1/5 to ¼ of the oil), old and oxidized Fragonia should not be used and that careful storage (preferably in a refrigerator) is recommended. Don’t let this oil get warm or leave it in the sun.

Due to its high a-pinene content, Fragonia Essential Oil is not safe to diffuse around a cat.

Clove Bud Essential Oil

Clove has a distinct scent that you either love or hate. I’m a clove-lover and enjoy not only smelling it, but tasting it. Most of the Pro-Clove camp reminisce about clove cigarettes and savor the smell full of fond memories. As for the Anti-Clove camp...dental work. So much dental work.

It’s spicy, blends with so many other scents (I love mixing it with Lavender and Bergamot, personally), and feels amazing on your throat.

Pros: Clove is used for fussy stomachs and makes it easier to cough up phlegm. It’s my go-to if I have a stuffy nose or a stopped-up throat. It’s also great for treating diarrhea, bad breath, hernias, nausea, vomiting, and gas.

You can also use it to soothe it as a counterirritant for pain, as well as mouth or throat inflammation. Some folks even mix it in lotion to help delay a man’s orgasm to ward off problems like premature ejaculation.

And it smells awesome! Clove’s one of my all-time favorites and not that expensive to find from a reputable source!

Cons: Repeated and prolonged usage of clove oil to the mouth or gums can increase sensitivity. It can also run the risk of damage to your skin, gums, or mucous membranes if you choose to abuse it.

If you plan on purchasing clove for your essential oil collection, make sure you are getting clove bud oil, not clove leaf oil. Several people have reported a heightened sensitivity and increased risk of reaction to clove leaf oil…and be forewarned: some of the sketchier vendors on Amazon sell it!

Due to the high eugenol content of this essential oil, Clove Essential Oil is toxic (and potentially fatal) to cats and dogs. If you plan to diffuse this, don’t trap your poor pet in the room with you!

Please avoid Clove Essential Oil if you are taking an antiplatelet or anticoagulant (medication that slows blood clotting) such as:

Aspirin

Clopidogrel (Plavix)

Diclofenac (Voltaren, Cataflam, others)

Ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin, others)

Naproxen (Anaprox, Naprosyn, others)

Dalteparin (Fragmin)

Enoxaparin (Lovenox)

Heparin

Warfarin (Coumadin)

Rosalina Essential Oil

Rosalina is a member of the Melaleuca genus (along with Niaouli, Cajeput, and Tea Tree) and shares some of the same properties as its cousins. It’s even referred to in Australia as the Lavender Tea Tree due to its smell.

While Tea Tree personally gives me migraines, I’ve had good luck with other Melaleuca plants and this one smells the nicest out of the whole bunch. It’s slightly lemony, slightly camphoraceous, and a tad sweet. Rosalina blends with a lot of things beautifully, and is one of the safest oils you can buy.

Pros:

Fight off a cold and congestion! Rosalina’s properties are similar to that of Eucalyptus. Out of the Melaleuca family, it’s the best choice for diffusing in a room if your child has a cold, respiratory infection, or the flu.

Calm your mind and relax! Rosalina has a chemical composition of about 2/5 linalool: one of the best chemicals for promoting a calming, relaxing atmosphere. I like to blend it with Blue Tansy and diffuse it at night to promote good sleep with a clear, unclogged airway. Linalool can also be used to tone and even out your complexion!

Clear your skin and fight off microbes! Like Tea Tree and its many cousins, Rosalina has antimicrobial (antibacterial, antifungal, and antiviral) properties. It’s a perfect choice for skin care and massage oils on sore muscles.

Cons:

Rosalina Essential Oil is considered to be universally safe and is one of the few essential oils considered safe for diffusing while pregnant or nursing. Plant Therapy also calls it a “KidSafe” oil, which means (when diluted with a carrier oil or in a bath tub) this oil is safe for use on children 5 and up. In fact, out of the Melaleuca essential oils, Rosalina is the safest to use with children.

The only word of caution for this essential oil is that you may want to perform a patch test and exercise some caution if you have experienced an allergic reaction to Tea Tree, Cajeput, Eucalyptus (Globulus or Radiata), Niaouli, or Fragonia. I’m lucky in this regard. Even though Tea Tree gives me migraines, Rosalina doesn’t.

[gethealthy18-blog]

Wondering What Foods To Have When You Are Sick? Discover Our Top 8!

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/wondering-what-foods-to-have-when-you-are-sick-discover-our-top-8/

Wondering What Foods To Have When You Are Sick? Discover Our Top 8!

Swathi Handoo December 28, 2018

Did you wake up feeling heavy-headed and weak? Does your tummy refuse to accept anything? Is your pregnancy giving you a tough time in the mornings?

Well, if any of the above is your state, your day has gone down the drain. And so has your appetite! What do you do then? What do you eat to survive and battle this sick feeling? Check out the list of foods we’ve lined up for you. Sit up, scroll down, and thank us later!

Foods To Have When You Are Sick

1. Coconut Water 2. Herbal Tea 3. Chicken soup 4. Bone Broth 5. Oats 6. Yogurt 7. Ginger 8. Garlic

1. Coconut Water

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Coconut water is just the thing you need when you are dehydrated and experience diarrhea, fever, vomitings, and headaches. It has ample potassium and glucose content and is better than other oral rehydration fluids (1).

One coconut can yield about 206 g of coconut water, which is rich in magnesium, manganese, vitamin C, and dietary fiber.

Adding table salt to coconut water can balance out bicarbonate, chloride, and sodium deficiency, if any (1). It helps replenish the electrolytes you lose via stool, vomit (gastroenteritis), and perspiration – pushing you back on the quickest route to recovery.

2. Herbal Tea

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Tea is the fuel on which some people function. Their bodies don’t respond to any stimulus without a cup of piping hot tea. Fortunately, you don’t have to stay from tea if you are a teaholic and unwell.

But, you need to add a few medicinal herbs to your tea to relieve a stuffy or running nose or a blasting headache. Mint, thyme, yarrow, elder, boneset, chamomile, and ginger are some common additives (2).

These herbs slow down the spread of the viral infection, lower inflammation, reduce flatulence and bloating, push out phlegm, and alleviate cough while boosting your overall immunity (2).

Psssst…!

Tip: Add a teaspoon of honey to your herbal tea. Or, if you have children with severe (acute) cough, give them some honey.

Honey can reduce mucous secretion and relieve congestion in the air passage. This way, the children (or adults) can sleep better without coughing bouts (3).

3. Chicken Soup

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On the days your nose is blocked, and your throat turns all dry and parched, hot liquids are a blessing. They keep your nose and air passages moist and soothe a sore throat (4).

Chicken soup is one of the preferred options.

When you make the soup, an amino acid, cysteine, gets released from the chicken. This amino acid thins the mucus (that is generated as a defense mechanism) in the lungs and accelerates the healing process. This also happens because the soup might have anti-inflammatory and immunity-boosting effects (5).

Also, chicken is one of the highest natural sources of protein. It provides the much-needed strength to your body when you are sick. You can also add a variety of vegetables to your soup. They help in clearing out the phlegm and recharging your body (5).

Vegans and vegetarians can opt for hot water instead of chicken soup or bone broth.

4. Bone Broth

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Bone broth forms an important part of the Paleo (or Paleolithic) diet. It is said that bone broth, fish, meat, fruits, and veggies made it to the list of a hunter-gatherer early man, while dairy products, alcohol, grains, legumes, and coffee never existed (6).

The age-old, crude bone broth is made by simmering bones from beef or chicken with seasonings in water for over two days. The new-age bone broth has carrots, onions, leeks, cabbage, kale, and a mixture of herbs to enhance its flavor and therapeutic properties (6).

This broth is a concoction of anti-inflammatory, digestive, decongestant, and revitalizing active ingredients. You can consume it like a clear soup (6). It is light on the tummy and soothes your aching body.

5. Oats

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We’ve sung enough glories about protein. It’s time for some carbs! Carbohydrates are not always the villains. They also help in building a strong body and strengthening immunity. Since they are easily digestible, oats are an ideal carb source you can opt for, especially on days you experience tummy troubles.

Oats are whole grains that contain good sugars and fiber like beta-glucans. These polysaccharides enhance your immunity by activating the immune cells involved in fighting pathogens (natural killer cells, macrophages, etc.) (7).

This means your white blood cells work better and faster when you eat oats (8). Isn’t this what you want when you are down with a bad tummy or flu?

6. Yogurt

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Yogurt is packed with proteins, vitamins A and B, calcium, phosphorus, potassium, zinc, saturated fats, and a ton of probiotics.

This is why you are asked to eat yogurt when you are on antibiotics, during a bout of flu, fever, food poisoning, or a bloated tummy. It can calm your inflamed gut and respiratory tract with all the micro- and macro-nutrients.

Also, the probiotic or live lactic acid bacteria in a cup of yogurt can restore the lost or damaged intestinal microflora (good microbial coverage) due to antibiotic treatment. This way, whatever little food you eat gets digested well, and your appetite begins to recover (9).

And no, it won’t worsen the flu (10).

7. Ginger

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Ginger is listed as generally recognized as safe (GRAS) for consumption by the US FDA and a remedy for vomiting in pregnant women by The British Herbal Compendium. It is one of the most widely consumed and studied herbs in the world.

Ginger root contains essential oils that give it a characteristic odor and flavor. Zingiberol is one of the predominant constituents. It also contains gingerols, shogaols, parasols, zingerone, and 30 other compounds (11).

Ginger is an antiemetic and is known to relieve nausea and vomiting. It acts on serotonin and cholinergic receptors and increases gastric emptying.

Since it acts directly on the central nervous system and neurotransmitters, ginger is considered the most effective remedy for diverse conditions, including dyspepsia, diarrhea, body aches, fever, nausea, and vomitings. It is particularly helpful for pregnant women and those undergoing chemotherapy (11).

Trivia Time!

Caffeine is known to induce alertness, improve psychomotor performance, and curb malaise (12). Drinking hot black coffee in regulated amounts when you have the flu and fever can get some of your pending work done. Dark chocolate is known for its cardioprotective properties. It not only protects your heart but also boosts your immunity. Active compounds like theobromine and caffeine in dark chocolate can aid faster recovery from illness. Bananas are a good option when you are suffering from gastritis, acid reflux, or a stomach upset. These fruits trigger the production of mucus from the inner lining of the stomach. The secreted mucus protects the GI tract from the acid and digestive juices that give you heartburn (13).

8. Garlic

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Garlic has great historical importance and therapeutic significance and finds a place in almost every kitchen across the world. Garlic is known to work as an appetite stimulator, immunity booster, neurostimulator, expectorant, anti-inflammatory, and antinociceptive agent.

Garlic pods contain allicin, a substance that has strong bactericidal properties. It has abundant sulfur-containing compounds, amino acids, etheric oils, organic acids, minerals, and vitamins.

Research suggests that garlic prevents viral infections like the common cold. It is a strong antimycotic agent and hence can ward off fungal respiratory infections (14).

Pick your favorites from this list and stock them up for the days you are sick. If you are already down, here’s what you should avoid.

What Should You Not Eat When You Are Sick

Whether it is the flu, a queasy tummy, or a worsening episode of morning sickness, you need to stay away from the following:

Oily, spicy foods

Unwashed vegetables and fruits (some might have worms)

Sweets

Ice creams

Bakery products and processed foods

Sour and acidic foods

Alcohol

Highly salty foods

Fermented foods and pickles

Unidentifiable and wild mushrooms

Unpasteurized, raw milk and milk products

In A Nutshell…

We can all stay miles away from the flu, stomach infections, and indigestion if we watch we eat. As I always say, balance and moderation are imperative.

If you feel nauseous, dehydrated, or drained because of various factors, you now know what to do!

Once you have picked your favorites from our top 8 foods list, clean or sterilize them well and then consume them. If you are allergic to any of the foods above, consult your doctor for a customized food regimen.

If you have any queries or issues related to this topic, feel free to post them in the box below. Please share your feedback and suggestions about this read too!

Until next time, eat your way to recovery!

References

1. “Coconut water as a rehydration fluid” The New Zealand Medical Journal, US National Library of Medicine. 2. “Seven Herbs to Support Immunity” Bastyr Health, Bastyr University. 3. “Honey for treatment of cough in children” The College of Family Physicians of Canada, US National Library of Medicine. 4. “Effects of drinking hot water, cold water, and chicken soup…” Chest, US National Library of Medicine. 5. “The Healing Powers of Chicken Soup” Student Affairs, Duke University. 6. “What’s the scoop on bone soup?” Harvard Women’s Health Watch, Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School. 7. “Effects of beta-glucans on the immune system” Medicina, US National Library of Medicine. 8. “Don’t Get Sick This Winter” Eating Healthy at PSU, Pennsylvania State University. 9. “Yogurt to the rescue!” Microbes- The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, Ask a Biologist, Arizona State University. 10. “Yogurt” Food Source Information, Colorado Integrated Food Safety Centre of Excellence. 11. “The Effectiveness of Ginger in the Prevention of Nausea and Vomiting…” Integrative Medicine Insights, US National Library of Medicine. 12. “Caffeine and the common cold” Journal of Psychopharmacology, US National Library of Medicine. 13. “Bananas and nausea” MedlinePlus, US National Library of Medicine 14. “Extracts from the history and medical properties…” Pharmacognosy Review, US National Library of Medicine.

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Source: https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/foods-to-eat-when-sick/

[limshell]

I got into the medical centre the other day. I was quarantined there for close to 60 hours.

I feel as though my body has deteriorated a lot ever since I came here. My whole body had rashes (but thank God it wasn’t itchy, just red dots and black patches when it has dried, eww I know) and I’m unsure of what’s the cause as the doctor tell me there may be a few reason : 1. The humidity level in the ship is very dry as we are in such confined environment with limited exposure to the sun and the air conditioner could have absorbed our moisture as well. 2. The water - as we are actually using filtered sea water for our daily pipe water for the sink or even shower we use. The water in our mess are also filtered sea water, so I had to resort to buying a few bottles of mineral water for the daily needs 3. The laundry - we send our uniform to the laundry to clean them, the detergent that they are using could be the cause of it. Doctor told me to do my own laundry instead for 2 weeks and see how it goes, but it’s the same apparently

Then now I’m having running nose, coughing miserably and had fever the other day. The phlegm that I spit out and the mucus I've blown out contains blood, which is quite scary. I feel like my body is just losing alot of blood. It wasn’t that bad living in the medical centre except the fact that you lost your freedom roaming around the ship since you’re quarantined.

To begin with, it started with my roommate getting sick and was sent for isolation, then they had to called for me, who’s her roommate to run a medical check and see if my body condition is alright. If all is good, I’d have been allowed to go back and enjoy having a single cabin for a short period of time while my roommate is being isolated. BUT, I was already sick to begin with, I had fever, and also tested the same - possibly infected by virus.

It wasn’t that bad of a room, there’s port holes! Something that we don’t own back in our own cabin. We could also order for room service and select from a limited selection of food (they’re very oily basically, and they don’t have rice at all urgh) and the bellboy would deliver the food to us. And you get hours off, but you would probably feel very guilty about it as that means your other team members would have to work extra hard to cover the part where you are missing.

But I had a hard time there, here’s why : 1. I got scolded even when I was trying to take a peek outside of my ward. 2. I got scolded when I was trying to ask the Nurse if I could be allowed to go back to work 3. I was told later that I shouldn’t order my food by myself first, the nurse would have instruct me on when to do it, so we could all order in a batch and ease the bellboy’s job 4. During my 2nd night there, I wasn’t having enough drinking water, it was pointless even when I purse for the nurse button as nobody’s on duty, my whole body literally feels like it’s burning on fire and I was so dehydrated, my nose was blocked, I was having nightmare and hence I couldn’t sleep. I need water since 12AM, I was secretly praying that a nurse would drop by soon enough as every hours passby, it lasted until 5AM and I could no longer take it anymore as I was having migraine and it just feels like my brain would explode any moment. Hence I called for the a Emergency helpline 911, then they helped me to page the duty nurse. I then got scolded by the duty nurse as I was told I shouldn’t have called the emergency helpline. I was left speechless cause that was the only number that came to my mind and I don’t know where else to seek help for if not the emergency helpline. And I think I needed emergency attention also, I could have too high of a fever that my brain just got burned. Cause the next morning when I has my temperature taken, it was 39 degree Celcius. I could have died if it wasn’t for the water. Okay, maybe I exaggerated a lil, but I still couldn’t quite understand why can’t I dial the emergency helpline. Sob sob.

Funny thing about my nightmare, it begins with me reading a book called ‘The Murder Game’ by Beverly Baxton, the whole setting of the story pretty much feels like 'The Hunger Game’ where the victim would be tortured in a cold forest, punished with no food and water and the hunter awaits for the final day of the hunt to kill the victim. My nightmare has a lot to do with this, I was dehydrated from the lack of water, my body was hot but my surrounding environment were cold, so I woke up on and off terrified that night and my heart were beating so fast cause I imagine myself as the Amber Kirby in the story. The doctor came in the morning for further body check and I was dumbfounded assuming he was the Hunter in my nightmare and he’s here for the final bullet shot in my head. It took me 10 second to have realised the reality after that. It was such a thrilling experience, the moral of the day have led me to believe never read any thriller fictional story if your body is not in a good condition.

Anyway, that’s about it, I spent 2 days in the medical centre, bored with nothing much to do, and I just want to pray that God strength my body so that I would be still and healthy during the period while I’m here.

'An apple a day, keeps the doctor away’ We do have apples here, but I’m so lazy to peel off the skin with a butter knife LOL, I’ve became very pampered now that all our meals, laundries and chores are well taken care off ahhhhh.

I got back to work immediately on the 24th Dec, I would update more about my Christmas soon enough, till then! Xoxo

[rueur]

Morning Pages #15 (21.01.2017)

Saturday 21st Jan - 8:01 a.m.

I know I haven’t written for the last two days, and I do regret it a little bit, but I’ve been egregiously ill so I’ve also forgiven myself for it. I’ve been coughing up phlegm every day since Wednesday. The timeline of events are as follows: Wednesday, I schedule my doctor’s appointment (Bernice at 5:40 p.m.). I tell her everything about what happened to me over the weekend, and she gives me the number for Victoria Police’s assault line, and the number for the Mill Park Police Station. She writes me a note for a full STI scan - blood test and urine test - which I have to come in to get done tomorrow. Malith drove me to the blood test and urine test on Thursday morning, because I tried getting my sister to do it but she’s apparently got tonsilitis right now and is as sick as, if not sicker than, me. She also yelled at me a lot for getting assaulted in the first place, like it was my fault when really the entire thing was an absolute fluke.

I took a big break from writing to talk to Ikaros. Ikaros and I kind of ended things again on Wednesday, after I returned home from my appointment. He had gone to Lentils for the afternoon and was going home the same time I was. He got on the wrong train at Victoria Park and ended up at Northcote, so he just waited for me. I was really not in the mood to talk to him because at that point, I was still convinced I had an STI and I could never kiss him again. I was quite depressed, I thought my life was over. I told him I wanted some time to myself and he was very understanding. He’s always very understanding. He’s easy to talk to, he’s just not always easy to be around. So taking a couple of weeks just talking to him over Facebook sounds like ideal circumstances for me right now. I want simple. My life has been so confusingly complicated over these past few weeks, I just want simple for a little while in any way that I can attain that.

After the blood and urine test on Thursday morning, Malith drove me home to Mill Park where I was reunited with my parents, who had flown home Wednesday night. Immediately, my mum was so excited to show me a bunch of dresses that she’d bought for me. And let me tell you that I was excited to see them! They were GORGEOUS. There was a flowy black one with a floral pattern AND POCKETS; a grey-white striped cotton T-shirt dress; and a blue floral dress that feels a little like a bathing suit. I’d say my favourite was the flowy black one although it is a little too big on me, being a size 10. The T-shirt dress has weird arms but is otherwise fine (or I guess I have weird arms), and the blue one is just cute but it also seems a little like something a dressy grandma would wear. Anyway, I’m still not totally sure what to wear on my date with Evan which is happening tonight, and which my mum now knows about with thanks to my very loud and not at all discrete sister. I’m just intensely nervous right now. I don’t know when I should start getting ready or what else I should do today to take my mind off of this. I don’t know when I should have a shower, I don’t know what to wear! I was almost going to cancel because I’ve been sick for the past few days, but I woke up feeling a lot better this morning, and I don’t want to cancel I mean I am just so excited. I can’t actually believe how excited I am to see this boy again.

Dan came over last night. And Sam came over on Thursday night. Sam and I went back to her place in Diamond Creek, but she’s actually housesitting at the moment as well, in Fairfield in an apartment on Station Street. Right near the gas station, like neighbour to the gas station. Like they share a fence. I think I’d be able to bike there but I don’t know if I’ll have the time. I’m only going to be here in Northcote for seven more days, I have to remember that. It’s weird though, the idea of leaving here has been pushed back because Emily asked me to stay a couple of extra days. So this time last week I was mentally getting ready to move out, and now I’m finding myself mentally getting ready again, so it feels like I’ve done absolutely nothing for the past week when in reality, I really haven’t been mentally preparing for that long. Anyway, when Sam came over I was still feeling really ill but I didn’t want to cancel on her because I miss her just too much. I miss them all too much: Toni, Sam, Jeri, all of my friends who it’s not easy organising things with. Dan and Malith I just naturally tend to see often, because it’s easier for us to make time for each other. Sam, I probably speak to a lot more than Toni now, yet it’s still easier for me to talk to Toni. It’s odd. Jeri, I only need to see a couple of times a year because whenever we meet up all we do is talk about high school. I feel like there’s an expiration date on our friendship for that reason: there will come a time in the future where we’ll run out of things to talk about. I don’t want that to happen, but I just know that it will. Or at least there’s a high risk of it happening if we don’t stop talking about people we haven’t really had much contact with in upwards of three years.

Sam and I went back to her place in Diamond Creek under the pretext of making nachos and then proceeding to eat nachos in her spa. I still haven’t gotten my period, I’m assuming because of my stress-induced cold that I thought for sure was syphilis or glandular fever for most of this week, so I was all set to go for a warm dip in the spa. We didn’t though. We just made the dopest nachos and ate those at her dining room table whilst also playing a two-deck round of Go Fish which I won. We also played two rounds of Jenga at Emily’s place, and I won both of those too. I remember the last board game I played with Sam was Scrabble and I won that too. I should gamble with her some time. Anyway, she said comfort food would be good for me during my sickness and boxed up the rest of the nachos (with my homemade guac, which she said was really delicious and that compliment alone made my night) for me to take home so I can ‘get well soon’. What a babe.

Meeting up with Dan was a lot different, as it usually is. Both Dan and I are extreme budgeting at the moment, so he was content to come around here and just sit and talk with me. We were supposed to go to Laundry again tonight, but I was feeling ill still and his ankle is still a little weird from when he partied too hard on New Year’s. Anyway, he came over around 7:30 and stayed until midnight and we just talked the entire time. The time flew, honestly. I made both of us a grilled cheese and let him help himself to my pappadums and we drank the second bottle of wine that I had bought on the 31st for New Year’s. It was a good night. We drank the entire bottle, but I think he might’ve had more than me. I was so tipsy by 11:30, but apparently he felt nothing. He’s tall and German though, so neither of us were surprised. I’m short, brown and a total lightweight. I spoke to Dan about Evan and about my being assaulted and my stress-induced cold that I thought for sure was syphilis or something, and my STI tests, and my parents coming home and everything else that’s happened in a week and beyond (Ikaros), and he spoke to me about the same stuff, the way we always catch up except this time within four walls with minimal walking and also with wine. It was a nice change of pace for Dan and I. I showed him the dresses too and he gave me his opinions on them. He told me he totally agreed with how I saw the T-shirt dress with my denim jacket. He also agreed that I should wear the black one tonight when I see Evan. Honestly, I know I should wear that one too. I’m just scared, I don’t know. I’m not usually a bold dresser. In fact, the first time in a long time that I dressed boldly was when I wore my mesh hoodie to Laundry with no other larger jacket over it. But ‘I am a pioneer for oppressed Asian-Australian women’ and I should just do it, just be myself. This flowy black dress is most definitely the dress version of me. It’s a little big though, it’s like wearing a burlap sack over my boobs. But it’s so flowy! And Evan’s already seen my boobs, I mean what I wore to Laundry was quite slutty. I told Dan that, and showed Dan the mesh hoodie too because he was curious about what it looked like. He laughed immediately upon seeing it. We laughed a lot last night actually. It was a fun night. I told him that I was on the stage with a whole bunch of other girls last Friday night, and he was like ‘I didn’t even know you could dance on the stage’, and then I reminded him of how there are always girls on the stage who are dancing it up for everybody, and he immediately prayed, pretended to be ‘blessed’ and then IMMEDIATELY after this, prepared himself for when I hit him. But to his surprise, I was totally ‘blessed’ myself, because those girls were crazy gorgeous and goddamn I still can’t believe that I was ONE of them last Friday. I was a crazy gorgeous stage-dancing girl in a nightclub. I just never thought I would do that, or be that. But I was and it was legitimately because of Evan. I mean it’s also because I’ve been working the last two years on bettering myself and finally find myself feeling good about my body and have no adopted a very liberatingly positive attitude towards life, grabbing every new opportunity that comes my way, but also because a very lovely boy lead me by the hand and danced with me all night. I’m probably romanticising whatever has happened between Evan and I to no end, like tonight probably won’t be as big a deal to him as it is to me, I think. I don’t know. I shouldn’t underestimate myself or devalue myself, I know. And he did seem to like me, he danced with me all night! I’m just so so nervous. I shouldn’t be, I know. I have henna on my arm right now, my sister did it on Thursday. I haven’t worked out since I got sick and I feel like my arms are big. I told Dan yesterday, I feel like everything is in proportion right now except my beefy arms. He said my arms look fine. I hope they do, I don’t know. This is me, okay. I am a textbook trainwreck, an overthinking mess, a hopelessly hopeful romantic who can’t stop thinking about this really fun dude. Fuck.