#AND I WAS ALSO GOING TO GO SEE IT FOR AN ASSIGNMENT. FUCK.
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young!jensen x reader. ex-bf!jensen x reader.
discreet glances.
small smiles.
mouthing things you couldn’t say aloud.
secret touches under the table.
your pinky finger rubbing his as he had his hand on your knee.
all of that? it turned into complete ignorance.
you were confused about what caused your breakup with jensen. you both were fine. everything was fine. up until one night, it wasn’t anymore. you came back home, where he was already waiting for you, his head hung low as he kept his hands clasped tightly together. you could see a small tremble in them as if he was holding back his sadness. or anger. you couldn’t tell.
you dropped your bag and tilted your head to the side, slowly approaching him. you were quiet. he was quiet. the whole apartment was quiet except for the clock, slowly ticking in the background, and some white noise coming from the kitchen. you felt your heart slowly coming up your throat as he finally lifted his glossy green eyes to look at you. once so full of life and love, now replaced with sadness and heartbreak.
exactly 38 minutes and 16 seconds later, you and jensen broke up. he said it was distance and work. you both were young, freshly rising stars. you had your projects — most of them abroad, and he had his stuff here. it wouldn’t have worked, that’s what he said. dnd you just agreed. 'cause what else was there? if he didn’t want to fight for the two of you, why should you? two people make a relationship. not one.
so, once cheerful looks turned to avoidance of eye contact whenever your eyes met.
once quiet chuckles turned to sternness and ignoring each other.
once intimate touches turned into keeping distance as if one of you had some kind of disease.
you tried to move on. you tried. after spending countless hours crying yourself to sleep and wondering what you did wrong, you finally stepped out into the world again. slowly, you were regaining your spirit, that gleam in your eyes you lost due to the heartbreak. but most importantly, you finally let go of your past. of him.
maybe one day your paths will cross again.
jensen also tried to get back on track. but the looming feeling of guilt and realisation that he had lost the best things in his entire life hung heavy on his shoulders. he knew he made a mistake. he should’ve never chosen his career over you. you were always supporting him, you were there for him and he went and dumped it cause what? a young heartthrob like him would lose fans if others found out he was in a relationship. he knew he should’ve never listened to his manager. but now? it was too late. you were gone.
now, whenever he saw you, his eyes were full of longing.
his heart was crying for you.
he knew that he had to talk to you again. no matter if you hated him. he had to see you.
you were in your assigned place at some awards show. and you weren’t sure if it was just your luck or he did that on purpose, but jensen was sitting next to you. at first, you were thinking about changing your seat, but then again, there was no bad blood between the two of you. you could act like adults, right?
“baby, listen to me, i’m sorry— “ he started, turning his head to look at you with those green eyes that had so much depth to them. and again, you could see that love in them. fuck, you were crumbling. you weren’t over him as much as you thought that you were.
“hey, it’s okay. it’s fine. we’re fine.”
“we’re not, ‘kay? i regret my decision every single fucking minute of the day. i’m a fucking idiot. i should’ve never break your heart like that. i love you, baby. please, i— ” he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “i’m sorry. about everything.”
you didn’t know what to do. your heart was yearning for him. you missed him, so much. but he broke your heart, there was no going back from that.
so, you sat in silence, just staring at each other as people around were clapping and cheering for the person on stage. but you didn’t care nor did jensen. his whole world was sitting right in front of him.
a/n: okay so yeah i wrote a little sth and tbh im not sure how i feel about it lmao i just hope that you enjoy it guys <3
༄♡ tags: @internetitgirl17 @beausling @deanswidow @deansbite @aileenunfiltered @fitxgrld @figthoughts @angelicp0etry @hrtsoldierboy @titsout4nicholas
#jensen ackles#jensen ackles x reader#jensen ackles x you#jensen ackles x y/n#jensen ackles fic#oneshot#jensen ackles oneshot#young!jensen ackles#ex bf! jensen ackles
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super shy? no, super lucky
⠀ ⠀— chapter 2 of the cool with you series
yn pov 3rd person
She sighed, finally finishing her test. Now, it was time to see what she got on it. She'd been lucky enough to remember her test was today just in time, but now let’s see if she was lucky enough to get a good grade despite her last minute studying, constantly leaving online classes early, and turning in assignments late.
Which the only reason why these things would happen is because of newjeans.
“ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh,” she whispered, her hand shaking as she reached for the refresh button—or maybe she was just being dramatic. She pressed it, and then—“YES! OH MY GOD!” she cheered, seeing her grade: a B.
Just as she was about to scream some more, a text popped up, it was utahime reminding the group about an afternoon dance rehearsal for their new song, Supernatural.
“Right, rehearsal,” she murmured, calming down a little but still feeling the excitement. She grabbed her dance bag and was just about to leave when she caught a look at her reflection in the mirror by the door. Maybe she should actually get ready for the day—considering she’d just ran out of bed in panic earlier today and hadn’t even showered yet.
Megumi’s pov 3rd person
morning classes are done, and now he has about an hour and thirty minutes until his afternoon classes. Everyone else is out of the dorm doing something, except Toge, who’s napping on the couch. Megumi opens the fridge—nothing, besides four eggs left. "Of course," but he pulls the eggs out of the fridge and starts cooking them, which makes Toge’s big back ass wake up.
"Can I get some?" Toge asks.
"No."
"Why?"
"Because there’s only four, and you guys are always eating everything anyway."
Toge groans. Maybe a few minutes later, Megumi gets a text from Yuuta: "megumi it’s your turn to get the groceries and share some eggs with toge"
"No way you just snitched on me," Megumi says. "Shareeee, Megumi."
"You know what," he says, "since you wanna be so big..." He puts the cooked eggs onto a plate. "Have the rest. I don’t fucking care."
He moves toward the door and grabs his keys.
"Wait, where are you going?" Toge asks.
"To get some groceries, since you wanted to tell on me," he replies, leaving the dorm.
Yn pov 3rd person
It’s been about 15 minutes, and Uber won’t fucking work. She tried reopening the app, restarting her phone, deleting and downloading the app EVERYTHING but it won’t work. She also tried asking the other members to pick her up; half of them are already there, and the other half hasn’t seen her message.
“guess I’m just gonna have to walk.”
The walk isn’t exactly long, just a few minutes, but it’s still risky considering she could get noticed. So, she’s gonna have to wear a mask and some glasses. She went down the stairs, then out the door, walking down the street with her head down as well so she could definitely not be noticed. Amazing idea, right?
Yeah, until you bump int—
masterlist!
TAGLIST @cinnamxnangel @sorenflyinn @beepbopzlorp @angelcakkess @ibeatmywifeandkidss @h-aecat @megumisluciouslashes @gumims @starrysho @tlissablr @kiss-my-asscheeks @good-mourning0 @mikikoo @1l-ynn @stillnotherapy @kzoyu @brideads @mikko-mikko @shokosbunny @fushiguruuzzzz @hanniemylovelyquokka @adoremae @ocyeanicc @sentifua @sirenla @depressinglyobsessed @m1ndfulsorrows
©megumislovedoll all rights reserved. do not translate, repost on other platforms, modify, or copy.
#꒰ cool with you 💽꒱ྀིྀིྀིྀིྀི#cwy#jjk smau series#smaufic#megumi x y/n#megumi x you#megumi x reader#megumi fushiguro#syd’s smau series .°˖✧#jjk fake texts#jjk texts#newjeans#kpop#smau series#toge inumaki#yuta okkotsu#utahime iori
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MAYBE HENRY WAS USED TO IT… but he shouldn’t be. Not that Kevin usually took it upon himself to defend someone – he couldn’t give two fucks about someone else’s problems – but there were times were a line needed to be drawn. He had been an army brat all of his life. He was mocked when he was younger by superior officers and guys who held the same rank as him. He was the butt of everyone’s jokes until the day he stood up for himself, punched someone in the throat and left them wheezing on the floor without a care. He had no patience for bullies. Ignorant or not. And to even think that Henry had been dealing with that shit for fuck knows how long…?
”THAT IS NOT AN EXCUSE.” Now that they were away from the others, his semblance became almost softer. Almost as if he was genuinely displaying some sort of emotion toward the whole circumstance. “They might be scared or plain ignorant but that doesn’t give anyone the right to bully someone. I was bullied before and I lack the tolerance for that shit. If they can’t behave like proper adults, someone needs to set their fucking asses straight.” And as long as that assignment would continue, he would proceed to have Henry’s back. Not just because that’s what a good partner would do but no one deserved to be the butt of everyone’s joke. “I’m sorry you had to deal with them.” Another unnatural display of emotion. He did not feel sorry for anything, really. “They won’t bother you again.”
AS HE GLANCED BACK TO THE GROUP, the comment of him being hot when he was annoyed at people who were not Henry almost made him chuckle, forcing him to turn his head to his partner and look him straight in the eye. Up close, Henry did have the most gorgeous eyes. How come he hasn’t noticed those yet? “What? Are you telling me that seeing me tell those idiots to fuck off gave you a boner?” Like clockwork, his gaze lowered to Henry’s bulge – a sly smirk growing like a Cheshire cat plastered on his lips. “Should I scream at them some more then? If that’s what gets your engine running – I can keep it going for as long as you need me to.” He was definitely flirting but also trying to move past the whole pathetic display that the coroner and the other officers had displayed. Again – SHEEP. He would not lose more time with them than needed.
”WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALONE?” One eyebrow rose, head tilting to the side with mild curiosity as Kevin couldn’t help but wonder what Henry was about to do. Something weird that he was afraid his partner would see? “You say you have an open mind. So do I. I’m coming with.” Not only because they were partners but he was curious about whatever Henry was going to do. He did smell human for all intents and purposes but maybe there was more to him than he had expected? Some big secret? “I was in the army. I did and saw stuff, Quinn. Your definition of unusual might be quite different from mine.” And he was curious. Sure – curiosity killed the cat but he still have eight other lives to spare so what was the issue? “I’ll trust you if you trust me.”
Henry didn't care about the laughing, he was used to it, but also he had learned a long time ago that someone's opinion of you said more about them than it did you. Gone were his younger days when comments about him being 'weird' would hurt his feelings. Now he saw his uniqueness as a gift. Still though, no one had ever stood up for him before, and he was surprised it was Kevin of all people.
"The 'Wong' assignment? Really?" Henry smiled and shook his head. "I understand your frustration with them, but don't let it bother you if possible. The jokes, this line of work, sometimes you have to laugh or make some dark jokes to stay sane. It's how some of them cope." He didn't add that the typical man had no idea how to control their emotions or face them; that any sign of sadness or empathy wasn't macho and seen as weakness. Henry didn't comply to any of that nonsense. And that's why they didn't bother him, they were ignorant, fragile, and unable to emote. In a way, he felt pity for them.
"At the end of the day it's up to the coroner after the autopsy to determine the COD, despite what we think. We just keep investigating as though it were a murder, for now." Henry didn't know if murder was the right word. If Kevin was right, and this was some beast, was this just it's nature, or deliberate?
Henry tilted his head and gave Kevin and raised eyebrow, "Mm hmm, sure, sure, you know as much as I do. You said werewolf, what's that about? I'm open to the possibility. I'm from West Virginia, we believe in Mothman." He smiled, "You know, you're kinda hot when you're annoyed by someone that's not me." He gave his partner a pat on the shoulder. "Thanks for sticking up for the victim, and me."
He took a deep breath, "I have to do something now, I usually do it alone, and it's gonna be a little....unusual."
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btw i accidentally fell asleep yesterday at fucking. 6 30 so I missed the play. this can't keep happening
#I'm genuinely upset about this#because they were only doing one show for it this year due to the hurricane#AND I WAS ALSO GOING TO GO SEE IT FOR AN ASSIGNMENT. FUCK.
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Marvel Meow (2021), Nao Fuji | Professor X and Magneto
Bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus leshnerr#snap scans#i dont scan ever please forgive me for. Everything jvAE:KJ i tried my best to match the purple as how it looks in person#i love the purple used for this whole comic .. its really nice#all the comics have different colors its neat yall should check it out if youre able. its a lovely silly collection#BUT GIRL PLEAAAASSSEE IM CRYING#as a part of my Visiting My Family For The Weekend trip my bro and i went to the store#and i told him about the wolverine cat comic and the whole collection and he found it while we were browsing ....#naturally i got it. because i love the idea of cats being heinous freaks ESPECIALLY to my faves#this all did happen because of a cat. btw. phoenix possessed one while scott and jean were baking a cake#which had everyone trying to catch it. leading to. this. jWLRAKJAWRLKJKJ#this is 1000% has 'we'll be back by 8PM please keep the house clean' vibes i'm sobbing LIKE WHERE ARE THEY RETURNING FROM#also can i just say ... i love it when american comic book characters get the manga treatment#idk i just love it ... i esp love how wolverine's drawn in these comics but. this aint about him#i just wanted to gush about my favorite old people LIKE PLEASE CHARLES IS GOING TO HAVE A STROKE I SEE IT#the fact they still got that goofy lil 'welcome back charles and erik' banner im going to be sick. theyre the whole mansions dads#anyway i have an assignment to do. because my prof hates me Who The Fuck Makes An Assignment due At 12:59AM#bye bye hpoefully ill be back with my own doodles ajvlekjla
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i wanna make a prsk major arcana...
#[knows i wont fucking do that so i post the 1 rough i have instead] all in a days work#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki akiyama#i posted alternate palettes for this on twitter and i like one of theme way better but im too lazy to get it rn. Lol#i would like to do skecthes for them all but im like ..#um. i dont know snything about tarot so people who DO will see my card assignments and go wtf are they feeding this guy#hermit is easy. pjsk gave that right to me. justice meiko too.#ive decided to pull a revstar and do the 25 card visconti with kagamines in one card. so now i have to reassign with hope charity and faith#boohoo. however the sun emu and the moon mafuyu are staying i know what im about. also kohane with death and an with the lovers#those make me feel like a genius. the rest ill stay shy about. if i say all my assignments ill never feel the urge to draw them#sorry for scheduling these to post at 8am#proseka tarot
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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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ryukaisae (??? idk. simultaneous ryusae and kaisae) is a ship i think would be really funny because it's just sae with two boyfriends who fucking hate each other, which he wouldn't really care about
#reading the more recent epinagi chapters has made the kaiser shidou parallels stronger but this isn't about that it's about polycules that#should not fucking exist#i think shidou either addresses kaiser by full name only or also calls him Mihya both of which piss him off#see i don't think kaiser would be violent with shidou. but shidou would 100% attack kaiser so like . what's kaiser going to do. Not fight?#also kaiser would be pissed as Hell about there being pink dye stains in sae's sink. as if there are not also blue dye stains in that sink#kaiser uses shidou's purple shampoo.#shidou and kaiser have gotten into a physical altercation over kaiser's chronic inability to acknowledge the skills of opponents#i could think of more but i have an assignment to do.#masayapping
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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update: i am Unwell
#i did some research#and i most certainly have a hormone imbalance#that i've definitely had for years don't get me wrong#but it has been Exacerbated Greatly by the sudden onset of 110+ heat#my directors don't want to keep me a full 8 hours at work#and they're generous in giving me days off too#because i am So Fucking Unwell and they can all see it#i'm weak and fatigued and exhausted and dizzy#like tonight i had a moment of 'i need to go inside' and i sounded so weak and looked so shaky that my director said 'no go home'#and they gave me tomorrow off also as well#i am going to call the pcp that was assigned through my insurance tomorrow#this will be my first time in the 9 years i've been in vegas going to a pcp#i have Poor People Trauma re: going to doctors#i avoid it for as long as i can because i historically couldn't afford to see a doctor#i have insurance now so i'm trying to get over that impulse#and i just#i'm kicking myself for not opting into short-term disability when i signed up for benefits#because i don't know how i'm going to handle working until treatment kicks in#it's that bad bros#pray 4 me
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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Took 30 years to get there!
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#alucard hellsing#seras victoria#schrodinger hellsing#a#I’ve no fucking clue how his being gone works like wtf is he doing he has to be doing… something? maybe? maybe not??#you see him in the street 💔 walking by himself 💔 talking by himself 💔 have pity 💔#feeling deranged and silly tonight. they’re doing a PowerPoint thing in my dorm and on one hand I don’t think anyone is gonna go#but also free excuse for mascot slideshow I lost my old one and I’m very sad about that still#but now I have PowerPoint not just Google slides I can make such sexy transitions tee hee#but then also I could do beach boys rankings hmmmmmmmmm this is hard.#assigning every beach boys album a mascot. summer in paradise can be northwestern because I am bitter about its existence
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i wanna preface this by saying im not big into furry stuff but im big into oc stuff, so sorry to all the furries if i sound like a poser. but i think if you have a human oc theres gotta be a difference between what their fursona would be (from the pov of you, their creator) and what it actually is (what they would chose). do you understand what i mean? theres a big difference between their fursona and your animal version of them.
#i just finished working on a set of animal themed ocs and im doing another bear one now so these are the thoughts in my head#like okay my oc felis has cat ears so#shed obviously be a cat.#however#shes also annoying and if she could pick for herself it would probably be like...#a fucking warthog or something just to confuse people#or like bella for example would see herself as being an edgy 2008 deviantart wolf#but in reality if she was an animal i know she would just be a cute pink bunny. with floopy ears.#some match up though. i think mira would correctly assign herself bird#idk what al would pick but of course logically the animal he has the most in common with is the sea turtle because of the way he#im not going to finish that joke because its offensive to sea turtles
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cmon man that’s not a sonnet. where are the iambs
#barely a single iamb in that whole thing#you have to establish the stress pattern is there even if you’re planning to fuck with it!#i realize. im vagueing a sonnet that is openly a class assignment by a non poet#but they are the one who posted it for reblogs on al gore’s internet#and i find them slightly irritating#and they will never see this critique. so.#box opener#no meter whatsoever. incredibly unpleasant to try to read like it’s a metered poem#also of course science poetry is unwholesome but for once the problem here is that it’s basically fine science#and absolutely not poetry. so i guess i can respect that.#if you’re going to fuck up somewhat that is the direction to do it.
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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