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sablesides-writing-corner · 5 years ago

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Mulan and Loceit!

Sorry if it's not what you expected, havent seen any Mulan movie since I was little so I dont remember much about it ;-;

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Logan was quite content with his life, and he was rather smart for someone of his social status. But of course there was only one thing anyone ever seemed to want from him, a husband. He'd just never seen the point in love, or feelings in general for that matter, it all seemed pointless. Yet there he was, getting ready to see if he could ever land the husband his family so desperately wished he would. Make-up itched, and clothing to, everything itched and he hated it. He hated these pointless rituals and matchmaking, hated love, hated feelings. But he sat and smiled, because that's what a good son does, sits and smiles and gets a spouse to carry on his family's legacy. His grandmother had given him a cricket, he never understood how that was going to help him, it was highly unlikely that such superstitions were actually true.

But Logan found himself hoping his grandmother was correct in her assumptions as he walked to the matchmakers house. He hoped he wasnt sweating, makeup ran when in contact with liquids, he thought about how stupid makeup was again.

He wasnt sure when he'd been called, he barely remembered it, but next thing he knew he was sitting on the floor, pouring tea for matchmaker and pretending to have a genuine smile. He didnt have to pretend for much longer, the tea stains on the matchmakers face made her look almost as if she had a beard. She reached for the teacup, and Logan noticed the cricket his grandmother had given him poking its head out from the cup.

"Let me refill that for you-" he said, taking the cup quickly and trying to stall for time. The matchmaker eyed him suspiciously. Logan felt beads of sweat on his forehead and began to panic. This was a bad course of action.

Next thing he knew, or at least wish he knew, the matchmaker was on fire and screaming at him to get out.

"YOU WILL NEVER FIND A HUSBAND, YOU WILL BRING ONLY DISHONOR TO YOUR FAMILY!" the words cut through Logan like a knife. He didnt care about finding a husband, or feelings, or love. But he did care about family, and the disappointed looks from his own haunted him.

It seemed like the day couldnt get worse. Yet somehow, it did. Logan's mother was told she would be sent off to war, and there was nothing Logan could do to stop it. He'd stayed up for hours thinking and devising plans, watching his reflection in the pond, wondering what he'd done to become such a terrible son, when he came to a realization. He walked to the wardrobe his parents had always told him to stay away from, that it was for his mother only, he shouldnt touch it. But when he opened the wardrobe and took out the armor inside, he couldnt see why. Perhaps they thought him to fragile for war, but he disagreed. As he put on the armor and took the sword his mother used to show him when he was little, he felt stronger, smarter, even. He hadnt thought it possible for him to get any smarter than he already was, he suprised himself every day now it seemed. He raced to the stables and found his personal favorite horse, a tan palomino.

"You think you can handle a journey like this? It'll be a while before we can get back," Logan didnt know why he talked to the horse, it was such a stupid thing to do, but it seemed to understand him, he could have sworn he saw it nod. No matter the reaction, he climbed onto the horse's back and set off for the army, completely uncertain of whether or not he would return.

About half way through his journey, as Logan slept one night, he heard something moving in the field. He blinked his eyes open and looked up to see the shadow of a dragon on some stone. "What the-"

"GREETINGS MORTAL- IT IS I- REMUS!" said the dragon. Logan looked around, and noticed a small green dragon with brown lines on its nose nearby, the cricket was holding a torch toward it. "IM HERE TO TELL YOU TO-" the dragon seemed to notice Logan staring at him, "Oh-"

"You're here to help me." said Logan, who quite frankly was not expecting much from the dragon.

"I know more about this than you do, violence is my thing," said Remus the dragon, who was small and nonthreatening.

"I'm sure you do," said Logan sarcastically, but he decided to e

accept the dragon's help anyways, he supposed a talking dragon for company was better than no company at all.

He hadn't expected this to be an easy feat, not remotely, but the addition of General Deceit was something he absolutely couldnt wrap his head around. The general had scars all along one side of his face, he almost looked like he had scales. The rest of the army found him intimidating, Logan found his pushing frankly annoying.

Logan would make one mistake and hear "I've seen better from a servant," behind him. It was, to be frank, a drag. Remus tried to help him several times, but that only seemed to get him into more trouble.

"Alright, I think I've seen enough from you," Deceit's eyes were cold and unforgiving as they bore into Logan's own, he'd never been scared of the general, but this particular instance was an outlier. "Your time in this army is done, I expect your things and you to be gone by morning, Logic," the name had been used on a whim, Logan frankly didnt understand how anyone bought it, but that wasnt his place to say. He watched as Deceit stormed off to watch the other recruits, and he made a decision. He was going to practice until Deceit had no choice but to let him stay.

It worked like a charm, Logan would never forget the look on Deceit's face as he gaped at Logan, sitting atop the log that so many others had desperately tried to scale the previous day. He took great pleasure in Deceit's revocation of his previous command. But this was a war, he had to remember that.

It hadnt really felt like a war, hed been having so much fun talking with the other recruits, and been so caught up in hiding his identity that he had almost forgotten. Which was why when they came upon the decimated remains of another village, Logan didnt know how to cope. They were overtaken soon after, and amid the confusion Logan had managed to screw something up that he couldnt repair.

"What, exactly, is this?" Deceit had his hand wrapped around Logan's arm, despite the opposing armies supposed defeat, Logan had made a grave mistake. He had forgotten all about the markings he'd left on his arm the day of his matchmaking, he'd hoped they would have come off by now, he wished they had. "So you're not even a soldier, then?" said Deceit, the hiss in his voice clearly audible. Logan tried to sputter out a response, but to no avail. He was left there, in the cold, as the rest of the army fled back home. Remus tried to console him, but it was no use. He'd failed to gain honor in any situation, he wasnt a good husband, he wasnt a good soldier, and he wasnt a good scholar. He wasnt good enough at anything.

Logan's horse whinnied, he turned around to see his enemies rising out from where he'd thought they'd disappeared. Frantically, he got back on his horse, Remus latched onto his shoulder, and fled back home, hoping to warn Deceit before it was to late.

The journey seemed endless, but finally, Logan made it. He searched the crowds and streets for Deceit, catching a glimpse of his yellow eyes withing a parade.

"Deceit!" he rode up beside him, the man ignored him. "Deceit, the armies didnt die back at the mountains, we're all in danger! You have to listen to me!"

Deceit turned to face him "I dont take orders from a low-class man who couldnt even land a husband, you are not a leader, and you are not a soldier, stay in your own line." he growled. Logan glared and lead his horse away.

"How dare he! Well if he doesnt want to listen then we can just watch everyone die from out here!" said Remus angrily. Logan ignored him, he was to busy trying to formulate a plan so his idea wouldnt come to fruition. He finally landed on something, but it still required Deceit's help.

By the time he'd returned to the palace however, enemy forces had already arrived. He enlisted the help of some of his army friends as a distraction and ran off to find Deceit.

"Do you believe me now!" he said, halfway sarcastically. Deceit through him a sword and rolled his eyes. Together they fought through the army. Logan had never really noticed it before, but Deceit's intimidating demeanor was actually very pleasing to him, and he fought quite well for someone with so many injuries so close to his eye.

Logan hadnt expected any rewards, he'd expected a reprimand, punishment, maybe even death for what he'd done. Yet as he faced the crowds of people cheering for him, he felt happier than he ever had in his life, he watched Remus giving him a thumbs up, watched his parents beaming up at him from the audience, and then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

He turned to face Deceit once again. The man rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "You uh, fight, well, for someone-"

"So nerdy?" Logan finished his sentence for him. Deceit flushed and Logan laughed. He said his goodbyes and headed back home.

He'd fully expected there to be no more suprises in his life, fore everything to go back to normal as soon as he put everything back in place. He should've known better, his life had been nothing but surprises recently, but at least this surprise was a pleasant one. Deceit's smiling face was a sight Logan had only ever dreamed of seeing again, and his words were something that caused even more joy.

"I'm in love with you, Logan, I dont know how or why, but its true," Deceit had told him. And Logan had smiled, hed felt it to, he'd never known what the word meant before, hed always thought of himself as a glitch in that particular system, yet here he was. Young, clever, and in love,and what a set of things to be indeed, he wouldnt change any of it for the world.

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roseamongroses · 5 years ago

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Antithesis: “what do you have? “ I have a kNIFE” “NO”

[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,

[Tags/mood:] highschool au, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17) (18)

L: I May Have Lost Roman

V: nice

P: not nice :)

V: i feel vaguely threatened

Rem:@L how the fuck did you manage that Rem: nvm i know how just give me details

L:I don’t know ? One second we were at check out L: Next minute he was Gone and Nieve is looking suspicious

L:Hold on lemme ask Dmitri

V: why is he there

L: I mean he’s actually pretty chill L: But he dropped Roman off and Nieve got attached L:I’m...not sure if she’s planning on letting him go?

V:logan, my friend, my buddy, V:the only person in this chat with basic reading comprehension

Rem: that’s pretty fair

P: it really is tbh

V: Send. Pictures.

L: Okay L: Slight Issue

V: you lost the snake too

L: I lost Dmitri too and Nieve is not spilling

Rem: oh they’re defeinately fucking

L:...Where? The bathroom?

Rem: Don’t knock it till you try it ;)

V: not to be that guy but im vetoing this discussion V: cause thats a Yikes even for you Remy

L: Alright time to find them

Rem: check ;))) the;))) bathrooms ;;))))

L: Remy.

Rem: alrighlright too far ill stop

L: Thank you.

V: keep me updated V: i only have silence and physics homework as company

L:Huh L:Found them

L: Roman….found a katanna…

V: im sorry WHAT V: Why The Fuck Does He Have A Sword

Rem: drop the location of that store man

L: 1) It’s a Katanna L: 2)I will certainly Not. L: 3) He’s trying to convince Dmitri why he should have it

L…..and Dmitri looks more amused then concerned

V: if I can't have a tarantula he sure as hell cant have a sword

L:I told him it was probably fake/ poorly made and that he should take the time to invest the proper skill in money in a real one

V: goddamit logan you cant logic roman.

L: It worked. He put it back. L: So I say I can do what I want with roman

Rem: some spicy takes from the chats only brain cell ;)

---

“So you’re turning eighteen, in a few months. ” His aunt said, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. She still managed to hold an air of prestige despite getting utterly shitfaced the night before. Her appointments have been going well.

Dmitri looked up, masking his surprise and holding his tongue.

Dr. Montag looked over, quieting the running water and placing the dish was he was cleaning down, “Really?” he said, brushing his hands, “You got any plans?” he asked, Dmitri.

“Oh we usually do something small,” His aunt interjected, “But seeing as he’s my father’s favorite grandchild,” Only grandchild, “He’s is flying from Paris to join us. And he was never a man of modesty so I’ve been thinking about doing something special for the occasion.”

Oh.

Dmitri fought the smile creeping on his face, ducking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that she remembered after all if his grandfather was visiting. It’s how he got his phone, laptop, his car.

It’s probably why she puts up with him, to begin with. Cause it wasn’t guilt.

“--We should get your hair cut,” She continued, and Dmitri snapped out of his thoughts, “Maybe invite Diana--he’d like her,” she murmured.

“Diana and I a-” He closed his mouth, and his aunt’s eyes shot over.

“You broke up?” She narrowed her eyes, examining her nails, “Huh, makes sense seeing as...” she gestured at him vaguely, “So who have you been sneaking around with?”

“I’m not sneaking around with anyone,” Dmitri said, meeting her gaze. And technically he was right, it’s not sneaking if she just hasn’t been asking. And he’s given up on telling.

Dr. Montag’s eyebrows knitted together confused,” Well that isn’t true,”

Dmitri’s eyes went wide, stomach sinking.

His Aunt’s grin spread, “Oh really?”

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck--

“He’s been helping me out, hon,” Dr. Montag set down a glass of water and pills beside her plate, “You’ve been so stressed lately,” he looked guilty and produced some tickets, “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Her face softened and like that the tension left the room. Those two got to linger in whatever lovey-dovey spell had taken hold of them in the last few months, but Dmitri was still on edge.

She still kept him on edge, but he could get her back. Even the playing field. Anytime he could leave this—Anytime he could flip this switch and put her on edge and make her—

He stopped eating, setting his plate aside.

He felt sick.

---

R:helllloooo R:anyone up R: sigh R: allll by mySELLLLF

L: Roman?

R: the one and lonely yes hello human contact???

L: Are you alright? It’s 3 am why are you still awake?

R: why are YOU up mm????

L: My parents have newborn twins. What’s your excuse?

R: well fuck got me there

R: i was texting dee but he was rlly tired and i stILL can’t sleep

L: Any particular reason?

R: u m

L: Private chat?

R: please

- [TheTruthAboutTheMoon]

TheWalkingMouth: Okay shoot

Cowboy:it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: I’ll tell you if it's stupid or not just say it

Cowboy: i just….like Cowboy: it's all kinda….hitting me a ll at once and i Really don’t like thinking about it but i cant bottle shit up either like you bastards so i feel like the human equivelent og a washing machine with too much laundry in it

TheWalkingMouth: Then don’t? TheWalkingMouth: Even if it's too ‘stupid’ for me I’m sure Dmitri wouldn’t mind

Cowboy: yeah but i feel like im going to say something shitty to him i Cowboy: like we should talk about it Cowboy: and i will Cowboy: but not now--later when it's not too stressful for either of us

TheWalkingMouth: Why would you say something shitty?

Cowboy: idk id jst get frustrated trying to explain it Cowboy: like hes smart as hell and probbaly get it without me saying anything but like Cowboy: I have neither the patience nor articulation right now to explain like a civil person and he doesnt need me being shitty about it

Cowboy:like,,,,,for example,,,,, if he fucks up in school, he’ll get recommended a tutor and teachers would assume hes doing his best and hes such a sweet and quiet boy

Cowboy: like he is sweet!!but hes a little shit too!! And gets away with it!!! Half those pranks he pulled on virgil, as Iconic as they were he never got in trouble for them!!!

Cowboy: when i fuck up i

Cowboy: god it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: Might not get a second chance? Yeah I get it.

TheWalkingMouth:Remember when I first transferred here? None of the teachers would take me seriously bc of my accent and if they did, they were afraid of me. I could repeat something another kid said word for word and still be told I had an attitude.

Cowboy: god i remembered that Cowboy: you answered his yes or no questions in a fuckin montone, quiet ass voice and he legit called in the office cause he got scared of a goddamn freshman

Cowboy: But ye when i fuck up Cowboy: im suddenly the lazy ass brown kid who should spend less time corrupting youth with my feminine hips and curls Cowboy: like it's not like a lot of them say it outright but it feels like if im not perfect im fufilling all the stereotypes

TheWalkingMouth: Ah okay, rant away

Cowboy: OK like like like im not like virgil right?? in a lot of ways and it fuckin shows

Cowboy: he’s been planning on going into engineering since sixth grade meanwhile i only got my shit together in highschool

Cowboy: and like now that im here/???what now??? My mother expects me to have my shit together meanwhile im over here freaking the fuck out over whether not it's worth it to even try Cowboy: like yes mother i want to go to an art/or librel arts school that may or may not accept me that we may or may not afford to find a career in who the hell knows because if i have to sit in a healthcare class or a applied mathmatics class like you did i miight actually shank the professor????

Cowboy: that i dread the thought of not trying to explore my options outside of this fucking state but i dread the thought of going bc i cant stand the thought of being away from home but i cant fucking find a reason to stay cause everyone i love is leaving or planning their own life anyway???

Cowboy: like remys gunna fuck off to who knows where regardless of whether or not he has a plans or money, pattons gunna take care of his grandmother whereever the fuck a canada ,moms moving in with tia, virgils already mentally flipping me off ready to fuck nasa , and i only fucking hope dmitri even getss the chance to choose where he goes but hes g o n e and i die from yearning behind a screen like the gay victorian i am , and you….i actually dont know

TheWalkingMouth: Teaching for either biology or physics

Cowboy: huh it fits but what about chemistry??

TheWalkingMouth: Fuck chemistry.

Cowboy: oh thank god we’re on the same page

TheWalkingMouth: Anyway, I assume you’re more worried about whether you should apply rather then if you could get in?

Cowboy: i think so

TheWalkingMouth: Well if my opinion means anything to you

Cowboy: more than you’re assuming but yeah continue

TheWalkinMouth: Wait

Cowboy: nothing nothing continue

TheWalkingMouth: Okay-- I think you should go for it but you don’t need to dive head first into it and commit to everything 100% like virgil did.

TheWalkingMouth: You’re allowed to keep your options open, to have backup plans for back up plans

TheWalkingMouth: It doesn’t mean you’re not passionate about your art. Doesn’t mean you’re inevitably going to get a office job and abandon all your dreams. It means you’re being smart and not backing yourself into a corner

TheWalkingMouth:It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay not to have it all figured out

TheWalkingMouth: Nobody does.

TheWalkingMouth: Even if no one else gives you a second chance at least give yourself a second chance.

TheWalkingMouth: It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to fuck up and get fucked over TheWalkingMouth: That doesn’t mean you will everytime TheWalkingMouth: And it certainly doesn’t mean it's the end

Cowboy:

[...Cowboy is typing…]

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

#Roman sanders #Deceit Sanders #Roceit #ts sides #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #ts virgil #ts logan #ts remy #Antithesis

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strawberryspeachy · 5 years ago

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So when i watched death note in high school it made me curious about real japanese police work. I read about it alot and came to the conclusion that their justice system isnt too great.

Im currently upset that a coworker who i took as a friend - not only disliked me all along - but went as far as to lie about me to get me in trouble. That no one cared to hear my side. That i was fired on the spot. That people turned their back on me immediately. That no one cares.

Well. 17 year old me would have said. But of course. In Japan your guilty until proven innocent. That japanese put on a show but dont truely like most people. That they band together and will go out of their way to avoid any kind of conflict. That they care more about a pretty appearance than solving anything. 17 year old me that only heard and read about Japan knew these things. 17 year old me imagined this cool different country that works because theyre proud of this... performance way that they live. And i was amused by it. All i knew was america and european history. I was so hungry for something different. I was so interested in different people.

Then I went to Japan. I got here and it was too similar to manga. How silly, i thought, those a comics - i didnt actually expect the country to be like those comics. And ive never really been able to place what that made me feel but id grown past this bemusement of different “alien like” people. Theyre just people who live in another country i thought. I dont like america and our norms. I know nothing but america but i dont agree with any of our steriotypes. You cant describe me the way most would try to describe a typical american. So why would people from any other country be different. Im sure theres people like the sterotype - but certainly more not at all like that.

And i got here and i watched the smiles on service workers slowly fade when they thought no one was watching. I watched children put trash where it didnt belong thinking no one was watching. I was girls laugh loudly and run around and yell at their boyfriends. I watched drunk college kids hollar and reak havoc in the city. Not robot people, not obedient children, not, quiet and demure girls listening to the men, not studious students worried about their reputation. Just people. The same people i saw back home.

And so i thought. Its the same. Different history. Varrying values. Same old people - judgmental and watching everyone ready to scold them if they deem it necessary.

But that guilty until prooven innocent thing. The fact that the old way of caring about your reputation is still a solid work practice.

These things. Make me feel like... i guess.... to my dissapointment. Maybe america really is more free...

I dont want that to be true. The us is so full of itself. Just like healthcare. I want universal health care to be a good thing and at very least in japan its not really. Its better. Its more affordable. Maybe their problem is just how much they hate drugs and thats what stops real care.

But. Ive always been a cautious person - i just dont want to get in trouble. But ive never thought id be in a situation i couldnt talk my way out of - because i dont do anything super bad. Maybe sometimes ive pressed the limits - but never outside of... like i drank underage. I tried to get into bars i wasnt old enough for. Ive dodged paying for the train fare. Dumb things. Things that the worse that would happen is i gotta pay it somehow or id get scolded. Drinking under age is against us law but its almost never taken too seriously.

But its occurred to me. Yeah. In japan it is guilty until prooven innocent. I really could have gotten in legal trouble for baseless allegations.

And japan is as racist and people say. Theyre friendly and try to talk to you in english and say nice things. And it doesnt seem like racism to a person from the states. Out racist look at you with digust. They wont touch you. They wont talk to you. They dont want to know about you

But here... it takes the form of a racist parent who grew up in the 50s and knows that theyre not supposed to be racist but still is.

Theyre welcoming and friendly to your face but talk shit behind your back. They ask a bunch of questions like (in america “where are you really from”) they refuse to accept you might actually belong. They constantly want to assert how different you are so instesd of telling you that your different - they ask questions or explain what theyre doing. And if you say ‘yes we also do this’ they react with disbeleif - what? No! You couldnt possibly get this - this is our thing and you are not us! And they constantly ask if you miss your home. Assume that you’re uncomfortable because they are. Also also. Instred of not wanting to touch you here - theyre much more willing to push you out of the way

Theres many mixed race kids here now though. I assume theyll have to do the same thing that happened in America. I havent met any mixed race adults but ive met plenty of white dads.... all trying super hard to assimilate to the point that they walk around talking like robots. Swearing that everything japan is great and they dont miss their home cointries at all. Pretty similar to the immigrants of america from when my mom was a kid.

So i still think at least for japan. Theyre way more similar to the west than they think they are. But these restricting regulations that they live by... really does make the country seem not as free as id ignorantly beleived it was.

It surprised me because their rules are so much like the way my great grandmother talked about stuff. And while were supposed to care... we just dont in the states. Respect your employer? Sure we say we do to their face but talk shit with coworkers. Worry about your reputation? Eh think im a bitch i dont give a fuck whatcha gonna do about it? Nothing thats right. Dont like another person? No one cares. Like that person or dont - it doesnt change anyone elses relationship with them. Make a mistake? Well if your boss fires you - everyone already probably thinks their an asshole cause generally mistakes are just met with some form of dickwaving belittlement. Pretty sure most of us get mad everytime we hear a story about someone getting fired because they posted a picture of them in a bikiki or having fun - most of this generation agrees thats dumb and has to change.

I feel more like an american now than ever. Americans are reluctant to change im told. Yes. I suppose we are. We might not know the rest of the worlds history but we kinda know our own. And as much as ive alwags agreed with the sentiment that cultures are different and thats just the way they want to be.... we used to be these ways but decided it was restrictive and controlling and mentally abusive and fought it...

Ive been reading more about the work culture in japan to figure out how he fuck this went so wrong. Apparently when young japanese people enter the work force, they cant even have friends as distractions outside of work because their boss will move them away from home.

Ive already read that japanese think suffering is good and seniority and witness first hand their preoccupation of appearing busy over actually being productive. Its just this constant performance.

Perhaps i did stress him out to the point of physical pain. I remember having a massive meltdown where i shook and it felt like my brain was melting after i tried so hard to be a good nice person. I did whag people apparently like. I changed myself to just agree with people and be positive and assume the best in everyone. Then my “friend” told me that i was a bad friend because i asked them if they would people drive their friends home so i could to sleep at 4am. And the two things just didnt click. I didnt go to sleep that night. I sat at my desk shaking for the next 5 hours and having flashbacks.

Im talkative. I talk as much as i do here in real life. And i have alot of questions. I talked to him a lot. Made him look not busy. I know he liked talking to me. I know he did. Thats why i got confortable talking more. He was always surprised when i asked him questions about himself but once he started answering he kept talking. Yeah. Its nice to have someone ask you what your thoughts are on topics. What your experiences have been. Did you like those things or not. I know japan it a group think culture - i guess they get there by really draining out ANY idea of individualality. He told me hed never been asked what he likes about himself. In the us were asked that constantly from elementary school “what do you like about yourself. What do you like about your friend. What makes you different?”

It kinda baffles me... questions and thoughts like these are so common in anime.... and obviously anime is popular in japan. Obviously obviously. Im confused how theyre watching these programs often with such deep meanings.... and not taking anything away from them. In the states our tv programs are always being restricted and stuff because they might give us “bad ideas” but they aren’t restricted here and yet... it seems no one takes anything from them

When i visited japan in 2013 i saw a teenage girl in huge heels lose her balance and stomp on a middle aged womans foot. That woman had already been standing like her feet were in pain and she made a face of being in so much pain. The girl rudely didn’t apologize and the older woman said nothing. She smiled through her pain...

And i also complained to my coworker. Not full on complaining. The small ones you make at work when youre not sure of the extent you can go to. At first he held off like the other teachers. But. Then. He started complaining back. It got to me not needing to be the one say an annoyance first. Like i asked how his meeting was. Other people i worked with might leave it ah it was a bit slow but necessary. And he started that way. But instead he started responding to me a succession of statements the slowly crept more toward his real feelings. ‘It was good... we didnt do much... or anything, i just sat and listened and took notes. we dont learn anything, it takes up a lot of time but we have to go. I dont like those meetings. I dont know their pupose... but were told to go so we must’

Whatever. Im just gonna keep rambling and complaining about this cause it sucks and is awful. Contracted woth my company i wasnt allowed to publically critisize japan. I imagine thats why you dont often find many things on the internet complaining. You will literally be unemployable if your name is attached to critisisms of this country.

Where as everyone can come to the states and tell us to our faces how much we suck and how much cooler their countries are. And generally the younger general is just kinda like - ‘you right’ people write articles all the time shit talking the states and we just go ‘ya we deserve that’ we do. Im not saying dont do that... but like... maybe just maybe. Were doing the good thing where were like

Haha call us fat! We are fat. We love us some mcdonalds. Hm.... why though. Actually we need to fix that. Why are people eating so unhealthy? What is the underlying cause of this problem? Lets try to work on that - and then we fight amoungst ourselves.

I like that... i like thay thing we do

In the states you might not want to become a ‘whistleblower’ and in some industrys you might get black listed for something dumb. But at least we talk about it and agree its a problem. In japan no one wants to even admit they have problems.

Know what else i told him. I talked about how were overworked in the states. That our work culture has gotten too similar to japans and we hate it. No one working 80 hour weeks thinks that they should have to do that. Of course i didnt go about it that way. I told him that my friends back home work 80 hour weeks and its unhealthy. That i cant work that much and refuse to. He i imagine counted how many hours he works and laughed and i said - oh haha yea i guess you also work that much. And he looked so much like he wanted to cry about it in the same way my friends back home. But said its natural in japan and that hes gotten used to it. But he definitely didnt mean it as he said it. I told him my friends say that as well. That i think theyre workaholics and i personally cant do it. That when work calls them they always pick up the phone even when they dont want to. But i dont do that. When my job called me as a server id ignore it and call them back later when it was too late for me to be asked to come in and ask them what they wanted.

Maybe to him my stories felt like when i read about students in europe being allowed to not go to school without reprucussions. It made HAVING to go to school evem more annoying. Why cant we choose to take breaks? I heard that place doesnt have homework - meanwhile im given at least 6 hours work a night! Not everyone has to do this? Other places learn things for fun?? They dont have to keep up with standardized exams that dont account for different teachers and school districts?? A 50% in that country isnt a failing grade???

Those were already shitty things but to read about them not bein universal did make having to endure it more upsetting.

Doesnt change that im stoll upset with him for not saying anything to me. Doesnt change that im mad that he made stuff up.

Really me rambling on about this doesnt change my presepective on any of it. Im just bitching

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supersoldierslover · 6 years ago

Text

A Messed up Situation Part 12

Summary: You have the perfect life in LA, there is nothing that you would change. However when your mom calls you telling you to drop everything because your father is sick. You see yourself going back home where you have to deal with your family and your first love Bucky Barnes.

Words: 1.555

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Now im’ really sorry

I can thank you enough @unbetaedimagines you betaed this form and gave amazing in feedback

Catch up here

After someone you love passes away, you have the need to feel alive.

A couple of years ago, you read an article by your dear friend Wanda where she was talking about her brother’s death. You don’t know why, but that article in specific got stuck with you.

There she tells you all she did when her brother died, all the nights that she cried, all the junk food that she eat and all the man she slept with because of the need of feel something. You never understood why she lost control of things but now you do.

You feel empty.

It’s been two days since your father died and today is his funeral. Because he died at home, there were a few complications so the funeral could only be today. You hate that, you are extending your grief.

You look at yourself in the mirror; you just wish all this would be over and you would be back home.

Being here in at your childhood home it’s weird for you. Your mom is trying to be strong for all her children but every time she sees something from your dad she starts to cry, you siblings come and go but they stay long enough to comfort your mom.

There are only two people that you like to talk are Bucky and Wanda. Bucky doesn’t push you to talk about things, he is happy just staying with you. Yesterday he even brought Lydia to cheer you up. Play with the little girl helped you a little, you can’t deny that.

Wanda, she just lets you vent. She doesn’t judge you when you are being selfish, or when you a drinking a whole bottle of wine before bed. The only thing she asks for you is for you to be careful and you swear that you are trying to make good decisions.

“Sweetie, are you ready?” You mom asking knocking on the door, you nod going downstairs. There you see, Bucky sitting on the couch with Lydia on his lap that is almost falling sleep “What you are guys doing here?” You ask you imagined that you would meet them at the graveyard.

“We are here for emotional support and Lydia wanted to see you.” He says when Lydia sees you she lunch herself in your arms and you can’t help but smile “Well it’s nice to see you too, Lydia.”

“Daddy said that you were sad, so I bought you my favorite teddy bear.” She says pointing at the bear on the couch. You wonder how she understands the situation that is happening. Lydia is only 3 but she is so smart.

“Thank you, Lydia. I do need something to cuddle at night.” You say kissing her cheek and giving her back to Bucky “You can always cuddle with daddy, he always cheers me up when I’m sad.”

She says sweetly and you nod. You wish you had spent more time with the Barnes family but your mom needs you “When all this over, I will give her all the cuddles sweet.” Bucky says kissing your cheek.

When you arrive at the funeral, your mood changes drastically and it was for the worst. You feel like you could puke, everything sounds so fake and annoying. You never saw so many tears in your life.

There are so many people that you never saw I, a few you imagined that were friends of your dad from work, other neighbors but most of them? You are sure that this was just a social event in this small town.

You feel Bucky’s hand on your shoulder, giving you some comfort. The whole funeral feels like a nightmare, radon people came talk to you wish their condolences and giving you hugs.

But for you the worst part was when people started to talk, first was a friend of your dad from work. He was very sweet, in the way that usually middle age man are. He said how much your father would be missed, how good he was at drinking beer and how good he was at his job.

A lot of people talked, some of them were friends of the family, others distant relatives. Whoever what made you lose at all, was not your mom saying that she lost her soulmate or your grandmother saying that no mom should bury their children.

But was when your sister started to sing the song that your father used to sing when you were little. There was something inside you saying that you should get out of there.

“Where are going?” Bucky asks when you start moving “Home.” You say, without giving too much explanation. He is not going to understand, this is not just about grief it’s about not belonging anywhere.

“Let me give you a ride, to your parents’ house.” He says and you take a deep breath, this is not the home that you were talking about. You look around seeing, Lydia with your nephews and your brother, they look so oblivious to everything that is happening.

“Bucky, I’m not your daughter and I’m not your responsibility… so I suggest that you take care of her not me.” You say walking away, you knew that you were being cruel but would be a lot easier this way.

He holds your arm, not strong enough to hurt you but strong enough to stop you “Sweetheart what is happening?” He asks with a soft voice, you clean a few tears out of your face “I don’t want to be here, Bucky… I feel like I’m getting insane.”

He sighs, looking at Lydia, then you and then your brother “Come on, your brother is going to take Lydia home for me… Let’s talk.” You feel his hand on your back leading you to his car “What is wrong.. Besides the obvious?” He asks, he sounds so worried about you.

All you know is that you want to scream.

“I don’t belong here, I hate this place… I need to be back to LA, where I actually have something to do besides… this.” You say running your hands on your hair, you need to come back to work where you are going to be useful.

“What changed? You were fine yesterday….” He says confused and you sigh “I wasn’t fine, maybe I was grieving in a different way.” He nods, stopping at a red light “You looked happy with me and Lydia, yesterday… I thought that we were helping you and you us.”

He says sadly, he is heartbroken right now and that is why you have to go. You can’t cause him any more pain.

“And you were, but you knew that I wouldn’t be here forever, we both knew that this cannot last forever. We were foolish to let this happen.” You say holding a few tears, besides being with your father in this final days, Bucky was the highlight of your trip.

“How can you say that? I love you, I being in love with you for so long and I don’t regret being with you again.” You rest your hand on his thigh, and he rests your hand on yours “I hate to break your heart, Bucky.”

He parks in front of his house, but before you can be angry that he didn’t take you to pack your bags, he says “I’m used to…” You move on your sit, pulling him for a kiss. Why do you feel so confused?

You don’t want to hurt Bucky, but here you are doing exactly the same. Kiss him is wrong and the logical part of you knows that but the emotional part of you just want to give him some comfort.

“Oh, Bucky…” You say breaking the kiss, you have to be the mature right now. You have to think about him and Lydia. The little girl got so attached to you in these last few days that you don’t want to hurt her.

Would kill if you hurt that little girl.

Bucky doesn’t answer you; instead, he kisses you again and again until you are breathless and your lips are swollen. You allow yourself to give in, to him and the bliss that he is providing you.

You don’t know how but between kisses, you manage to leave his and car. You feel a synchrony that you never felt before, with any other man that you ever been with. Even with Bucky himself.

He seems to know every trick to your body, he knows how to make you moan and keep you pleading for him. One moment you were against the walls with your legs around his waist and the next you were grabbing the bed sheets underneath you.

You don’t how much time has passed, all you know that you were bring to the edge again and again. In the end, you are so exhausted that you don’t even feel yourself falling asleep.

When you wake up, you are washed with guilty. You should have been more responsible, you sigh doing the only thing you can. You pick a piece of pepper that is one his nightstand leaving him a note.

You get dressed silent, before kissing his forehead and saying “Goodbye Bucky, I love you in a way that you never going to know….”

PART 13

Now I’m really sorry about that but trust me it was the only way...

PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE ON THE TAG LIST, I’M REALLY EXCITED FOR THIS SERIES.

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x reader

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gocatboygo · 6 years ago

Note

1-50 for Rosa

I’m Love You.

1) What is your OC’s favorite color?

maybe red? could also be brown, but like probably red

2) Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?

bad christian romance novels from pre-war. cass gives her most of them. twilight is included in this but its by no means her favorite like she thought it was just ok

3) What kind of things is your OC allergic to?

nothing comes to mind

4) What kind of clothing does your OC wear?

in public she almost always wears a mask, usually either the legion recruit mask or the ncr ranger mask. also construction gloves. spends most of the beginning of the game in a sherrif’s duster & then from there she just wears whatever covers most of her and supports her gear, if it’s really hot out she’ll wear the wasteland surgeon armor

5) What is your OC’s first memory?

she still has her memories from before the bullet so probably something from her childhood

6) What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?

she really fucking loves horses. like she’s a Horse Girl TM. least favorite is like,, djfdsfjs cazadores idfk

7) What element would your OC be?

definitely earth!

8) What is your OC’s theme song?

probably a mitski song lmfao. either that or everybody wants to rule the world by tears for fears

8) Do you have a faceclaim/voiceclaim for your OC?

bold of you to assume i have anything for this oc / i just realized i fucked up the numbering here so enjoy that sdkfjdsk

9) What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

after she gets pretty deep into the game, maybe after the sierra madre? greed. i can see her going a little out of control after she has to give all that gold up (even though she could bring 1 bar back bc She Big) and just kind of. taking everything

10) What are your OC’s hobbies?

she’s a courier at heart so delivering packages dsjkflsjdw. farming, solitaire, reading those bad novels i previously mentioned, knitting, gecko hunting… watching holotape movies on her pipboy… getting terminally bored and taking med-x ksdjfkds

11) How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?

she’s fairly patient, the only time she really gets hot-headed is at fortification hill when she goes to meet with lanius (caesar dies of his cancer p early in her canon). also probably at the tops, she doesnt like bein in there

12) What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.?

cis woman / bi / mexican / human / etc.

13) What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods?

uhh she learned how to cook from home-grown ingredients and in lasting bulk so she mostly eats stew and potatoes. every time she goes to freeside she gets that “mystery meat” from the stand in front of the gate despite the fact that its transparently radroach meat. she doesnt like the meat from the ultraluxe (even before she finds out it might be people, its fancy and garnished and she dont trust like that) but she loves their brahmin cheesecakes so she like, settles kdsjfksd

14) If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?

rex. rex. rex. rex. r (she also has like 2 brahmin at some point ksdjfksdf)

15) What does your OC smell like?

that’s ! a wildin question huh! probably gunpowder and old leather

16) How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?

she works for house, owns a small farm (after a while, in spring of 2282), and does various quests around the mojave for money. she was a courier for 8-9 years and she loved it, so id say thats her ideal job, but she’s past it. she’s very happy with where she is in all 3 of those jobs !

17) What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?

her biggest fears would probably be claustrophobia and getting buried alive (because benny). she has nightmares abt it, like 2 the point where every so often she wakes up and just Has A Good Sob. she has very low charisma (1) and very high endurance (9), her strength is also pretty good

18) What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?

she thinks truly madly deeply by cascada is the best love song ever written. she also listens to radio new vegas & a holotape cass gave her that’s mostly feminist anthems from the 20th century and 2 instances of mad about the boy

19) If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

oh god she would fucking hate the pre-war world. she would probably just go find a horse tbh sdfjsdkf what else is there to do!

20) What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves?

she has brain damage from the bullet. it didnt affect her intelligence or (for the most part) her memory, but she does have, like. chronic headaches, brain fog, dizzy spells, things like that. like i said before, she also has nightmares & claustrophobia from the same incident. as for pet peeves, she hates people who talk a lot without saying anything or try to sound smart for no reason. she has no problem with talkers as long as they like,, Say Something dsfdksfj

21) What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

she grew up in a very small (very catholic) village, so im not sure if she exactly went to high school?? but she did attend school. she was sort of a loner, she had a single mother w no siblings & shes like 6 feet tall so both of those things made her a little bit outcast ksdjfksd. i mean she. She Was A Horse Girl what else do i have to say

22) What is a random fact about your OC?

god i dont know!! uh… oh omg she thinks astrology is something vulpes made up and when she hears arcade talking about it she out of bodies

23) What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

rosa’s a very simple person, she mostly just wants a good life for herself. stable work and a stable life make her happy. a lot of her philosophy throughout the game is based on the fact that she’ll do (almost) whatever her employer asks her to, thus her being a house courier. most of her relationships are based almost entirely on trust, which is another major philosophy of hers

24) What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?

honestly??? i read so many fics (especially f!courier/vulpes) where the courier was a Relateable Pretty Girl TM that i probably just wanted to make a female courier who had actual substance and weight. rosa is married to (ex-legion) vulpes so she rlly does largely serve to subvert the genre in fnv fic

25) Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

i mean. her husband probably skdfjkdfs. she’s been travelling with vulpes for a long time and she’s had to put her life in his hands a lot of times because of that, so he’s grown to be very important to her. mr house is a close runner up. i hate to say this but arcade is probably her least Impactful TM companion skjfdkds she barely travels w him

26) What kind of childhood did your character have?

i say some of this in the other questions but like heres all of her backstory in one i guess kdsjfsd. rosa was raised in small catholic village somewhere outside nevada, i havent decided on what state its in bc im fucking dumb as hell. her family (like great grandmother type shit not her personally) & a few others came up from mexico years ago to get away from raiders, made a village and Kabaam. her mother had her, and then a second baby who was stillborn, and her father disappeared a few months after this happened. her mother raised her there until she was 20 and she signed on with the mojave express as a courier in an attempt to get out of her village and find Something To Do With Herself TM. she was a little outcast growing up, not totally isolated but certainly not very popular, and it caused her to be a very independent person later in life.

27) What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?

she fidgets sometimes but i wouldn’t say she stims. clenches her fists when she’s nervous. she likes to smoke and chew tobacco (especially when she’s stressed out) but it’s only a minor addiction

28) If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

honestly?? “Forgive Me Mama” bc that’s what it says on her helmet sfjdsfhd

29) Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

apparently bc she fuckin did! she wants stability and someone to take care of her, and she likes the idea of being a unit with someone a lot more than she likes the idea of just dating them, so i guess thats how vulpes Happened ™. she actually can’t have kids bc she got irradiated pretty bad while she was looting searchlight :/ but she doesn’t want kids because 1) she’s travelling a lot for her work and 2) she doesn’t want to have to shape her life around a child. god knows vulpes cant interact w children, but he still wants them in theory because he wants a legacy

30) What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?

ring-a-ding-ding! it’s getting shot. her favorite memory is probably either like, easter when she was a child, or some time she swam in a river with vulpes, she’s fuckin basic

31) If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?

a horse. i wanted to answer this differently but it really is just a horse

32) Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why?

she’s killed! if she’s provoked or if her employer asks her to, she will absolutely kill someone. destroying the bos bunker was hard for her though :/ i like to pretend she didnt do it even though shes house ksdjfklsdhg

33) What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

maybe its just the fact that its 2am and i have poor reading comprehension but i have no fucking clue what this means

34) How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

her imagination is pretty good! i wouldnt call it excellent but it’s pretty good. she usually only daydreams before she falls asleep or gets up in the morning (or if she’s just like rlly chilled out skdfjds). she doesn’t worry much.

35) What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

i have no idea how to answer this one, which is a tragedy. maybe ill come back and answer it someday lmao

36) What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?

The House Always Wins I-VIII

37) What would your character do with a million dollars?

in all seriousness she’d probably just stop having any financial restraint and start buying whatever she wants whenever it comes to mind. also she’d buy vulpes like 100,000 gambling chips from gomorrah and tell him to lose his mind skdfhjldksg

38) What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can?

fridge at her farmhouse: vegetables, gecko meat, some seasonings, leftovers, beans, cram / fridge at the 38: An Entire Pot Of Stew ™, leftover tops restaurant takeout, a cheesecake, crispy squirrel bits, a post-it note from veronica saying they’re out of shampoo / bedroom floor: ;) / garbage can: empty cans, vulpes, plastic wrappers

39) Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

first thing that came to mind was to gomorrah, in her Fancy Riot Gear and ranger’s helmet, with raul. no idea why but like have a fun night bb sdkfjdslkf

40) What does your character do when they’re angry? Why?

depends on why she’s angry, but usually she’ll either start ranting at whoever she’s mad at (which never lasts long) or just go silent and tense up. she’ll also grumble. i mentioned this before but fortification hill was probably the only time she was so mad she was just yelling at everyone skfjkdsf

41) Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

she has a lot of scars! the most visible one is a cobweb-shaped scar on her forehead from when benny shot her. she also has another less prominent scar on the side of her face from Some Shit. various scars on her torso and arms from various sources, another bullet scar on her arm from raiders, maybe more. there’s a particularly bad scar across her ribs from being slashed w a knife (raiders again)

42) What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?

she hates the irish

43) How does your character react/ accept criticism?

i dont know if she really cares? shes still a little bitter abt some insults she took as a kid but like arent we all. it makes her more angry than insecure

44) If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?

under normal circumstances, she’d throw it in the fucking trash. if she HAD to eat it she’d be fine skjfsd she just wouldnt like it

45) Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?

yeah, she probably puts a needle in its shoulder or something to see if it works. shes so used to being end 9 she doesnt consider the fact that She Will Lose Her Shoulder

46) Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?

she can’t draw slkdfjsd. she probably has like… some warrior cats type drawings from when she was a kid and thats it

47) What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?

her father dipped when she was maybe 1-2 years old, a few months after her brother was stillborn.

48) Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?

she likes a little bit of candy, mostly lollipops. i cant see her getting a sugar rush

(i know i fucked up the numbering) 50) If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

this,, could actually very easily happen because of her brain damage, ive explored that concept before. she would probably spend a lot of time alone or with the people she’s closest to reflecting on her life and trying to die in peace. if she had enough time she’d go see her mother again, but it’s still unlikely

————

jesus fucking christ thats long, rip mobile users. tysm for sending me this!! i didnt realize how much 50 questions was dksjfkds. yall can keep sending me these (like 1-10 at a time skdfjdg) for other couriers if you want but like i understand if ur tired of hearing me Fucking Talk after this

#long post #fallout new vegas #fnv #courier 6 #rosa #dare i litter vulpes's tag w this.........................#vulpes inculta #haaaaaa suffer assholes

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swayinghummingbirds · 6 years ago

Text

i feel like i need to blog more stuff out of me to research my own thoughts ignore me or help me either is welcomed.

so like i was diagnosed with mdd , panic/anxiety disorder so i know how it goes and how it feels and all that jazz. used to be on medication and not for almost two years. i can usually cope well since while i was on medication ifound many ways to do so. but now ive come across season affective disorder and i gotta say i am not a fucking fan. i cant bring myself to do the coping mechanisms because im fucking cold and there is no sun ever.

this time last year i felt the exact same way and almost moved back to fl but didnt want to give up on tn yet. but im wondering is it maybe time to give up on it? i have no family here. and my family is expanding and growing without me. which makes it worse.

ive been where i am for almost a year now and its been good. but there are no sidewalks like anywhere? im so tired of sharing walls. sure, its a townhouse and its pretty big and two floors and fire place but my neighbors are so annoying and for some reason in tennessee so many people think its absolutely okay to let their dogs out with leashes?

knoxville is a really cool city and ive loved living here but idk if i can stand the winter. and its just a mild winter, idk how yall in the north handle it. i see now why when i moved abck to pa for 8 months my mom had it by the time march came around and we moved back to fl.

a part of me feels like i might even just get bored with where i am after a certain amount of time considering how i was brought up. i have moved 17 times, which is wild for a child. probably why i have a hard time making friends too.

tried leaving work yesterday after i got my list done (usually isnt a problem for my manager but the ass. manager always fights me with it). i told him three times i already had 2 1/2 hours of overtime and ill be leaving when im finished but bitch never listens to me and acts like he didnt hear me say it to his damn face.Usually i ask just to be polite and make sure but this time im telling him. kind of snapped on him because the day before i just cried all fucking day and had that feeling in my stomach and felt the same way when i woke up. old me would have called out, one because the position i was in was easily fillable but now im actually needed so i go to do my job and if i get done early that means im working my ass off and sweating like a pig to get done three hours early. (and the girl who does the work on the two days im off never gets the shit down or sets the room or anything up in order to have a good morning because the whole thing is very time sensitive and its very frustrating. also she called out like three times this week and made my week shittier than it needed to be.) like bitch no that doesnt mean i want to stay and help with other things after exerting so much energy that i dont even have in myself to begin with. so anyways i cried and then the manager came and talked to me and was understanding because he is aware of my mental health issues and i forgot steve- the ass manager (assistant manager , but also ass because he can be an ass) was not aware. so all in all i talked to my manager and told him and he was very supportive and then i went to apologize to steve and he reassured me i was valued and adored here which was nice. and i had to basically tell him if im trying to leave early it usually means because im feeling like a crazy bitch whos on the break of a mental breakdown so. quit fighting me.

so anyways.

even if i did move back fl ive finally gotten myself where i wanted to be in my job but i guess if it was meant to be the universe will take care of it just like it did when we moved here.

a week before almost moving back to fl my grandparents came to visit and we were in crossville, which is the half way point from here to where we were living at the time and i was like hey lets try knoxville and the next day we went to look at apartments and as we were looking this place went up for rent almost as if the universe here, ask and you shall receive. because i was only looking at places that was in between the three stores that we could have possibly transferred to because i had no idea which one it was going to be i just new it was going to happen. and then when trying to transfer we my fiancees assistant manager knew the manager at this store here and said that he would take both of us and needed help in the area i wanted to be in and i was like wow amazing its all working out. and it did and it was great and then it got cold. and then holidays came. and birthdays came. and i ive learned so much about myself and i feel like yes i needed this part of my life. and now im not sure if istill need it.

we have a vision of owning a little home a nice big plot of land near the mountains with a spring and creek on site with woods around. if we kept it up and really searched when the time came yeah im feel like we could find it. but what if i still feel this way when were there? then weve bought a home and it would be harder to get rid of. i have a vision of my own business with yoga. i find myself in capable of moving between the months of decemeber and march. then what. even when i get on to the mat i cant get into the flow.

and what if we move back to fl. would he resent me for giving up on our dreams? will i be tired of people demanding my time and energy? will i bitch about the heat all the time and the fact that neighbros are every where? probably, yes, yes, and yes.

but will i resent him for not moving back to spend our lives with our families? will i resent myself for not listening to the feeling in my stomach? or would i resent myself if i did listen to that feeling and gave up on the mountainous dreams.

i know we would welcomed back with opened arms and i know not many would miss us here.

the mountains are beautiful and so mystical when there. i wonder how it would be to live there. i always end up feeling so creeped out at some point of hikes because i feel like something is watching us, and i know there is, there is always is whether its and animal or a spirit. but sometimes those spirits, or beings, are just so strong of a force. what if we bought a property with one of those that wouldnt be able to make peace with us? i always imagined if we ended up with a property with strong entities then we would make peace and ring singing bowls and plant luscious plants for them. but what if they hate it all. and what if our neighbors down the street end up being cannabilistic cult people? what if some animal tried to maul my dog (which already happens frequently, shes a chihuahua everything is out to get her). what if something happens at oak ridge? i had no idea i was living next to a giant nuclear power plant thing.

but then its like okay what if theres a giant hurricane that tears my house down (i had a tree fall on my house during matthew which is one reason why we left) or the storm sturge sweeps my house away. trey is scared of tsunamis, not that one has happened there probably ever, idk but it is a weird fear of his. surprisingly tornados do happen in tn too.

and a day like today, where trey is working all day and i have the day off. there isnt much to do. its cold out so i cant sit on my patio for a few hours like i would in the summer. i dont like to go shopping. i dont have a friend to hang out with, which is my own fault people im really not a big people person. i have hung out with a couple a few tiems, and idk ij ust would rather not. but if i were in fl i could go hang out with my brother, or treys sister, or the few friends i have there. or go to the beach and sit on my own, because its not fucking weird to sit alone there and usually you dont have to worry about getting mugged. i cant go to the parks here on my own. i cant take my dog for walks around here because there are no side walks and people just look shady af everywhere.

when i went to visit for my brothers wedding in october i realized how i did not appriciate the plant life naturally around all year round when i lived there for 11 years. i guess mostly because it wasnt until two years ago that i really got in to plants but omg i cant stop imagining what our yard would look like if we were in aplace where things could just be outside all year round. i would take cuttings of my plants andjust put them every where have my own little tropical paradise in my front and back yard.

i know this all is really sounding one sided atm but this time last year i was having the exact same visions and the exact same thoughts. and i thought about how what if my brother has kids and im up here well hello here we are now and thats happening. i feel like i need to be there. theres even a house for sale on the same street as him and all i could was fantasize what i would do to the house and how i would baby sit for them and be able to see my dog that i left with him because ultimately she was is but we co owned her together and just to be there. and be with my mom. shes living in orland with her boyfriend and i feel like the fact shes goingt o be a grandmother might sway him into moving closer, she hates the city and i imagine shes just as depressed as i am to be away and to be in a city where you dont feel safe to go outside alone. we are creatures of nature and both pisces and very sensitive to everything.

and what if trey and i have a baby at some point? we have no one here to help us. i was thinkg about how our wedding date is a year and like two months away and i have no one here to help me plan. and for a long itme i always imagined myself getting married at this place called sugar mill gardens, a botanical garden that i had always loved in my home town there. when trey and i got together we would pokemon go there and take clippings, and i still have those plants today. but then this new vision came where we would get married on our future property. i feel like we are still a long way away from buying a house here though. idk if we would be there in time. and since we went back in october all i can think about is getting married in sugar mill. he reproposed to me when we were there and that was so sweet and just made me want to be there instead for it.

this is very long but these are my constant thoughts that all happen at once and it feels nice to get them out to piece them together and not feel so overwhelmed with all them at one time in layers upon layers of thoughts. sometimes my vision even goes out and i dissociate and just work blurred vision cross eyed for ten minutes, who knows maybe its an hour. im back there by myself for eight hours a day idk.

#v long #nothing to see here #sorry for clogging your dash #idk how to break it

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musubiki · 6 years ago

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angst hcs????? :3

➞

(these are just gonna be random bits of angst mainly backstory that i had)

(i mightve written about this part before) limes mother died when he was 3. kiwi was 8. he was young enough to bounce back bc he didnt fully understand what happened. their father ran a large energy company and was very cold and distant towards them, especially after the mother died, and emotionally abused kiwi

their only other family was their grandparents on their mothers side, who they were hardly ever close to because the father didnt like them, so they never met them.

so when lime was 4, kiwi (a hella strong young girl. im so proud of her) was somehow able to contact their grandparents, the only allies they really had. when they heard about how lime and kiwi were living, it was their idea for them to run away and live with them instead.

so kiwi packed two backpacks for her and lime, and one day just ran away from school, took a train to the other side of the country where they met their grandparents, who then erased all their traces and disappeared to the small port city where they started their sandwich shop

luckily, their father didnt even know his wifes parents, nor where to find them in the 1st place, so he had little hope of finding where they ran away to.

(also, limes grandmother is the witch of the dog, strangely. so she was able to cover their tracks nicely)

(their dad doesnt care about their safety, hes just pissed that they were able to get away from him. the only reason he wants to find them later is because he wants lime to take over the company, but thats too far ahead and for another time)

so kiwi became a nurse and dedicated her life to helping people. she lives with a slight but consistant fear that he’ll come back for them one day. her grandmother assures her it wont happen.

lime is incredibly protective. and actually a bit posessive. he hates to admit it but when push comes to shove, mochi is the only real friend he has. like yeah i guess coco too, but its not the same. mochi is like his rock (though he never admits it) and hes afriad of literally anything happening to her.

moreso when he starts to fall in love with her. his protectiveness branches into just him being controling of her when it gets too far, and this results in them fighting. again. it also branches into jealousy. (they always talk it out and resolve it eventually. they have a pretty good relationship. but theres a lot of shit they get into and out of just because he protects her so much)

this also gives him seperation anxiety when shes gone.

coco is an orphan. her parents died overseas when she was 6. she lives with her aunt and uncle and their twin boys (5 years old)

so shes mostly pretty emotionally distant. she has a lot of friends, but not REAL friends. mostly like you pass them in the hall and shoot a small insult, laugh about it, and leave, but at the end of the day she goes home by herself.

at her old school she had 2 great friends, (one of which is her long distance boyfriend when she first moves there)

she had to move when her uncle had a better job oppertunity where mochi and lime live. she was SUPER bummed because. it was hard for her to make friends in the first place. now she gotta make new ones. so she purposely puts off a “I don’t give a fuck” attitude in school so people dont think shes weird for chilling by herself

she actually has a lot of anxiety about what people think

and because of how she is, she can be incredibly scared and self-preserving. there was one time mochi really was in trouble, and was separated from lime and coco, but she told them to leave so they wouldnt get hurt. so coco was gonna leave, and her and lime have the worst fight ever and he TOTALLY CALLS HER OUT ON HER SHIT

everyone thinks lime and coco are pretty similar but. lime is surprisingly more brave and caring than coco. this whole moment was pretty much between “SHE TOLD US TO RUN!!” and “You know what?! Fuck you. I’m going back for her. You can do what you want. I knew you were shitty but I didn’t think you were shitty enough to abandon your only friend. Coward.”

and its after this that shes fully invested in mochi (and also lime.) and she hates it. she hates having so much to lose shes just scared its all gonna get taken away from her. again.

for mochi, her main thing is just pressure and fear

since shes the house of the cat, and as her training goes on and she gets stronger as a witch, her mothers power also gets weaker (her mothers power is what keeps them hidden). so between trying to fight off magical beings every so often, protect pom, protect her friends and family, and learn everything she needs to before her mother cant help her anymore, she just stresses out a lot

another thing is just BEING a witch. coco asks her what her plans are after high school. she gives the usual answer, that shes just gonna stay there and take over the shop for her mom. everyones reply is usually “Really?? You don’t want to go to college??? spread your wings???? live your own life???? are you sure???????”

and she just answers yes, and shes not even sure what she wants, but she doesnt really have a choice anyway so it doesnt matter. she needs to keep a low profile and continue to learn the witchcraft

all this and the fear of literally almost dying every single time someone comes after her power. the cats power is SEVERELY covetted by all witches and other magic beings, so they stay hidden under spells and potions in that small town.

#nice #thanks anon #anon #ask #headcanons #canon #the misc adventures of mochi & lime #story #text #idk if these are 1000% canon yet but i think abt them somtimes #idk if this is what u were looking for??? idont have too many sad scenes fleshed out yet

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ravenschmaven · 7 years ago

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GIVE US THE STAR WAR SPOILERS

like, all of em??

because, if so

HERES THE WHOLE DAMN FUCKING FILM UNDER THE CUT

We open to poe dameron about to fuck up a ship called a dreadnought - which is HUGE - because the rest of the rebellion is trying to evacuate. he cals hux, pretends he has no signal, makes a yo mama joke then begins blowing up the surface guns so that the ship cant destroy the bombers who are on their way to smash the ship.

leia tells him not to do the thing, he ignores her, blows up all the guns, and summons the bombers, which are these huge bulky things which move at a snails pace while tiefighters and x-wings fight around them. all but one of the bombers blows up, and the last bomber is able to drop the payload because of an asian officer we later realise is rose’s sister. rose’s sister is one of the many who die, with about five x-wings making it back. The rebellion goes to warp, finn wakes up and asks ‘where’s rey’.

Rey is exactly where we left her. she gives the lightsaber to luke, who yeets it over the edge and goes ‘fuck that shit im out’. she annoys him into accepting that she isn’t moving, then she plays the chewie card, and chewbacca trashes the shit outta the place. luke finds out han is dead, and FINALLY gets his head oudda his ass. Wont teach rey tho because kylo ren is a punk bitch who ruins everything. We see flashes of a flashy wristwatch. luke mentions kylo being a shit and talks about what happened. apparently luke confronted him about the darkness and ren went batshit. r2d2 also swears at luke repeatedly for a few seconds.

somewhere between snoke spends like five minutes roasting kylo ren and calling him a shithead while dressed in a gold bathrobe. ‘you have too much of your father’s heart’. ren smashes his helmet against the lift (rude) and yells at two officers to get his ship ready. hux is peacocking around like an asshole.

while that happens leia gives poe shit for going ahead with a mission that got people killed. Leia HITS POE. LIKE FUCKING SMACKS HIM. (rian post ur address i just wanna talk) and then demotes him for doin his job??? even tho he aint really doing his job. poe is mad as fuCK. Leia has another flashy wristwatch which is actually a tracking device so rey can find the rebellion. she gives it to finn.

We drop out of warp, and everybody is seemingly chill until the first order rocks up literally 30 seconds later, including snoke, who has his own ship like an asshole. People panic, the first order, including kylo ren, attacks, and blows up the launch bay, killing every pilot except poe and a few others, and the bridge, which holds all the generals including leia. leia uses the motherfucking force to fly through space, and makes it back to the ship. she falls into a coma, where vice-admiral/general/mauve murder baby takes charge. her idea of saving everyone is to use their remaining fuel supply to stay just out of range of their gunners, which gives them about 16 hours left.

finn wants to save rey’s life so tries to sneak out, but gets caught by rose, who’s sobbing over the loss of her sister because they dont even get time to MOURN YALL. rose sees him as a hero, then talks about how shes caught 3 deserters, then realises finn is kind-of-deserting, then stuns him. finn wakes up in a trolley and explains the situation (lack of fuel, we’re all gonna die, they tracked us through warp) and rose figures out how they could track the fleet through warp.

if finn leads rose to the weird tracking thingo, she can disable it and save the fleet. the dynamic duo go to poe, whos confused and is really trigger happy and i dont like it, but he agrees that its a good idea. They ask maz how to break in, she says shes busy, and tells them to find this gambler guy with a red flower pin at Space Vegas. the team keep the plan under wraps, with only poe, finn, rose, and a few other officers knowing about the trip. finn, rose and bb8 leave, finn having given poe the tracking device thingy to poe.

Back at it again on depression island and rey is attempting to annoy luke into teaching her. We see the weird tiddy creatures, chewy eats some porgs and rey connects with the force and finds the ancient jedi texts in a funky looking tree. lukes asks who she is and why shes here, she says shes scared of the awakening and has no idea what to do. luke decides to get his act together and teach her.

the day he goes to teach her, rey’s chillin in her room and has a vision of Space trash panda - aka kylo ren - rey calls him a shithead and ren is confused as to how they’re talking, then rey freaks out and shoots the illusion, much to the chagrin of the caretakers (who look like my grandmother). rey lies to luke when he asks about the hole in the wall.

jedi lesson number one is to reach out and feel the force. after telling luke that being a jedi is about moving rocks and breaking shit, and being called a dumbass, rey sits on a rock and shows off a shittonne of power, but also a rising dark side (the motif of this film seems to be that the stronger u get the stronger the good/evil bitchfight) which makes luke panic because ‘this was what ben was like!!!!!!!!!!!! oh no!!!!!!!!!!’ luke get ya head oudda yo ass. its also revealed that luke has shut himself away from the force somehow.

the dynamic duo is in space vegas (they illegally park on a beach) and are walking through the casino and looking for Rose Brooch Guy. rose hears a noise and recognises it as the noise of some funky lookin animal which they use to race. finn says this place is great and asks why rose hates it. rose shares her backstory as the daughter of people who lost so much under the first order. its implied that rose joined because of what happened on starkiller base. she also talks about how everyone here sells weapons to the first order and gets rich off of it. bb8 does his damn job and finds red flower guy, but they get arrested for illegally parking the shuttle on the beach and dont get a chance to talk to the guy, whos gambling with two women on his arm.

one of the support ships runs out of fuel and gets exploded. I think its the medical one first. doesnt matter shit explodes and nobody cares.

JEDI LESSON #2: the jedi suck shit. the jedi are failures and luke keeps talking about it. talks about how he failed kylo ren. rey goes that there seems to be a light inside him (ew) somewhere near here. somewhere throughout the film are a few more force-vision things. one when its raining on Jedi island, one when Ren has no shirt (he looks like a ken doll) and another (the final one) when ren talks about his perspective of that night when luke confronted him.

rose and finn get thrown in space vegas prison, and are angrily yelling abt the problems with their plan when their roommate says ‘hey yeah i can break into a maximum security first order vessel’ then subsequently breaks out of prison. while rose and finn escape, bb8 bashes a few guards over the head and kicks ass.

Rose and Finn end up in the stables of those weird elephant-horse-camel creatures, and start a stampede with the help of the child slaves stable hands by using rose’s secret rebellion ring to prove theyre good guys. the animals seem to have a connection w/rose so i guess shes incredible. the dynamic duo are trapped between a clifface and the cops, and there’s a second where the pair say their ‘goodbye’s before a ship pops up with bb8 at the door going ‘get in bitch we’re going shopping!!!’ with the thief guy from before.

uuuh i think this is where support ship #2 goes because poe picks another fight saying that the new leader is running away and being a coward. she kicks him off the bridge.

rey explores the upside down dark force place on her own, and asks the dark force to show her her parents (I shit u not) it doesnt work and she tells this to kylo’s weirdass force ghost as she sits next to a fire. rey pleads w/ kylo to join the light one last time, and holds out her hand. fingertips touch and then luke fuckin rips the hut to shreds with the force. rey and luke fight, rey continuously pushing for the truth and luke confesses to, for a second, wanting to kill ren, and it was that second of weakness that led to all of this. rey thinks that ren can be saved and fucks off to Snoke’s Party Palace, where ren currently is. She takes the falcon and leaves luke behind.

poe starts a fight with the new leader while leia’s in a coma as the rebels abandon ship for the escape pods. he takes over and locks himself in the bridge to buy finn and rose more time. finn and rose have to barter with the codebreaker by giving him the only piece of her sister rose has left (a matching pendant with huge yin-yang vibes). finn calls him an asshole. the ship that they’re flying on belongs to somebody who sold weapons to both the first order and the resistance.

rey gets chewie to drop her off @ the Party Palace and is immediately captured by Ren and gets brought to Snoke. Snoke - still in the bathrobe - is pleased and brags about how his master plan is brilliant. turns out hes the reason there was a connection between them, AND the reason for the raging struggle in kylo ren. this bitch then fucking starts torturing rey for into on where the fuck luke is, rey aint a snitch so doesn’t say shit, but makes a few attempts at killing snoke.

finn, rose, bb8, and randomass thief guy sneak onto the ship and wear disguises (including bb8, who is in an upside down trash can) to get to the tracking device thingy. however, bb8 is very unusual and attracts the attention of the first order version. thief guy uses rose’s necklace to crack open the lock, then gives it back. aww. but then they get caught by first order just as rose is about to break the tracker. not so aww. captain phasma shows up and finn is ready to start swinging.

poe’s locked down the bridge, and c3p0 is being a whiny shit and starts panicking when somebody starts lasering the door down. poe gets ready to shoot a bitch, but hesitates when he sees that it’s Our Lady and Saviour Leia. she, however, doesn’t hesitate and shoots him w/ something that causes him to go flying and knocks him out (???????)

on the rebellion ship, leia is talking to purple-hair lady - poe is being lifted into a shuttle - when purple-hair lady reveals that she’s going down w/ the ship so that the shuttles can escape. they say may the force be w/ u and leia looks longingly out the window @ her not-gf. poe wakes up, and leia explains the Master Plan. purple-hair lady knew about the tracking and had them rock up to this particular place because there’s a whole fucking planet nobody talks about that used to be a base.

rose and finn have been captured and are paraded thru the loading dock. the codebreaker sold information to the first order about the shuttles, and the ship begins firing on the shuttles.

WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULAR SPACE FIGHT FOR SOME ANGSTY ISLAND BOI. luke goes to torch the tree where the jedi books are kept when yoda shows up (really bitch), asks wtf hes doing, then sets fire to the tree himself. theres some weirdass yoda speak of which i understood none of it but was about how failures are good teachers too (what is this motivational speaker month)

and back at it again at space fight the musical

Snoke’s still throwing rey around, then pushes her against a window so she can see the rebellion dying. he takes her/luke’s lightsaber, places it next to him, then tells kylo ren to kill her. snoke is revelling in rey being helpless, and starts monologuing kylo’s actions. ‘he turns the blade to face his true enemy’ luke’s blade shofts so it faces snoke ‘and slays his true enemy!’ a schwing, and snoke is literally a kebab. ren uses the force to DRAG THE LIGHT SABER THROUGH SNOKES FUCKIN ABDOMEN, CUTTING THAT PASTY BOI IN HALF. he gives it to rey, and then they fight snoke’s guards. its cool, there’s some teamwork, rey throws somebody in an oversized paper shredder. ren uses luke’s light saber at the end.

purple-hair lady sees that they’re going after her people and does possibly the coolest thing i’ve ever seen: she points the ship directly @ the bigass ship, and warps THROUGH IT. because there’s so little fuel, she doesn’t make it to actuasl warp, but is going fast enough that its an incredible battering ram which rips apart the ship, saving the lives of finn and rose, who are about to be executed.

the floor breaks and they’re about to get outta there when phasma’s squad rocks up. one of the first order machines takes out most of the stormtroopers, and the pilot turns out to be bb8 (yeah, dont worry, rose and finn are confused too), and he distracts them as finn and phasma face off. the floor collapses and phasma falls in. byeeeeeee

rey and ren have won, everythings on fire, and ren decides that the best way to get a girl to join your side of the moral spectrum is to tell her that her parents are drunkards buried in paupers graves (damn, all those amazing lineage theories and they go with randomass power………… sad) and that the past should burn, the rebellion should die, all of it. he holds out his hand, and rey holds out hers SIKE shes taking the lightsaber and they’re basically standing there using the force when, really, some dumbass could just, yknow, GRAB IT. they are so ~evenly matched~ that luke’s lightsaber cracks down the middle, exploding and knocking them out.

NOW WERE GOING TO THE PLANET THINGY (god it never ends) where finn and rose make a dashing entrance and are almost killed because its a first order ship but poe hears them and calls off the gunfire (then immediately asks ‘WHERES MY DROID’ and honestly? i love). theyre surrounded by not-pokemon evolutions which are better than porgs. the rebellion gets a message sent to their allies (none answer. god thats worse than a groupchat) and then realises they’re sitting ducks because there’s one way into this base on the schematics and the first order is fuckin knocking.

hux finds ren on the floor, who blames rey for the death of snoke (bitchassliar) and claims the title of supreme leader, then goes after the rebellion. the first order has super polished weapons and the rebellion only has skimmers, which are the fancy version of skateboards with nerf guns like they are severely fucked. the first order also has a gun which they use as a battering ram.

when ren sends tie fighters out there, rey and chewie swoop in on the flacon and smash all of em (bless). the ground fire, however, gets almost all the skimmers. poe orders a fall-back, but finn doesn’t listen and goes straight for the cannon, a la poe at the beginning. rose, however, swoops in last second and stops him. when finn asks why, she says that the rebellion will win by saving what they love. she KISSES HIM. then falls into a coma.

all hope is lost until the OG BITCH, THE ONE THE ONLY LUKE SKYWALKER IN THE HOUUUUUUUUSE enters like its nbd. He holds leia, kisses her forehead, gives her a trinket from the falcon (two lil gold dice which i honestly thought were dreidels), then goes ‘bitch i got this’ and just stands in the middle of the battlefield doing the equivalent of the middle finger at ren, who loses it. hux tells him to #chill, and when its revealed that luke survived all that firepower, ren goes down to do it himself.

finn wants to step in, but poe realises its a distraction, and notices that the sparkly bois arent here, so there must be a natural exit somewhere. up above, rey is using the tracker to try and find them.

outside, we figure out that ren is still a punk bitch and gets beaten by luke repeatedly. luke apologises for letting him down. ren goes on about destroying everything. luke calls him a dumbass. talks about rey being the next Jedi.

the rebels find the exit, but, lo behold, its covered in rocks. what does rey do like a fucking badass? move the damn ass rocks. FINNREY REUNION BITCHES. its cute. its v cute. theres a hug.

ren goes in for the kill. luke doesnt die. he stabs luke in the goddamn chest. luke is ACTUALLY A FORCE PROJECTION SIKE BITCH. luke fades away as the rebels escape on the falcon. the remains of whatever weirdass connection remainging between rey and kylo ignite one last time, but rey literally shuts the falcon door in his face (fuck that bitch)

the first order storm the empty base, hux is bein slim shady as fuck, ren finds the not-dreidels on the ground, which flicker out too.

cut to jedi island! luke is watching the sun go down, he smiles, cut to leia and rey pulling a face, and BAM Luke dies. hes gone. poof. his outfit blows away in the wind.

poe and rey FINALLY meet. ‘im poe dameron’ ‘im rey’ ‘i know’ finn is looking after rose (when finn grabs a cloth you can see the jedi books in the same drawer), and starin right @ her. leia sits next to rey, and they talk about luke dying. it’s not a sad death, rey says, but a peaceful one. it was his time, leia goes on. rey looks around at the twenty ish people who make up the rebellion now, and goes ‘how tf do we do this now’

CUT TO slave animal trainer baby in Space Vegas. kid has the ring and looks up at the stars. is holding a broom like a lightsaber as leia talks about hope as a spark which is slowly growing.

cut back to group shot from inside the falcon.

fin.

#the last jedi #the last jedi spoilers #star wars #Anonymous #long post #*grabs megaphone*#dont pay money for a ticket just read this #this took three hours #im so fucking tired but i think i got everything #star wars spoilers

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sarcasticlykaeon-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Caught Between Worlds

Stuck. Thats how it felt, every hour of every day, for as long as I could remember. Like i was some sort of freak, on the outside looking in. I can remember when i was small, barely old enough to really walk and talk, two and a half, three...and i hated dresses. I hated pink. I hated lace and frills. If i could choose or make my will known it was pants. Tshirts and sweatshirts. Childrens overalls. I hated games in preschool. The girls always wanted to play house, with husbands and babies in some sort of elaborate roleplay. The boys wouldnt let me play with them. "No girls," theyd say. "You wont know how," or "girls arent any good at this. Go play with dolls." somehow...just because i didnt have the same lower regions i wasnt good enough. So i played alone, with blocks or toys, making up elaborate adventures or stories in the process. My mother, my aunts, my grandmother...they all wanted me to be a girl. They tried to take me underwing in baking, playing with makeup, dressup, dolls...they tried to teach me about playing with hair. Me? I just wanted to test out the new computer, watch ninja turtles, and kick butt like she-ra. My one concession to female marketed programs was Jem...but honestly? I loved the story and drama, not the glamour, glitter, fashion, or fame. I was the oldest...five years between me and my brother meant i was dads son substitute until i was almost 11. I learned things like changing the oil in a car, ms-dos programming and how to kick ass in Doom, how to tackle and fight back if grabbed by a bigger opponent. Of course...the instant my middle brother was old enough to do son things....fwip! I was ignored. About the only thing i could get the old man to do was D&D. My grandfather insisted it was a phase i would grow out of, that id become a seeker of a strong man and an actual woman eventually. My mother tried to force me to conform to gender standards. My aunt was disappointed. My father only started caring about gender normativity when i hit puberty. I never told them things like "i want to grow up to be a boy" because even at three, i knew it didnt work that way, on some instinctual level. But i dod wail and growl about the unfairness. Why is x okay for boys but not girls? Why are girls expected to be like this but boys arent? And the answer...oh the answer just upset me and angered me. "Because youre expected to be a young lady." By puberty, the words "young lady" were guarenteed to trigger a huge emotional fit of rage...but i couldnt explain why. Just like the fact that i had to fight for my place amidst whatever boys lived in the neighborhood. I had to work twice as hard to prove i was worthy of being allowed to hang out...and still they sought to ditch me at every opportunity. School was even worse. I was overly tall, strong, and hyper intelligent. I was part of the "Gifted Program" (which in most school systems is naught but busy work or a careful way to set up classes in high school to fix the averages of a class.) I was, in every concievable way the outcast. And then puberty found me. Early. The first time i bled in sixth grade, i cried myself to sleep, hiding blood ruined underwear in the back of my closet until i could throw it away. I didnt tell my mother until i was sixteen--hiding this horrid, agonizingly painful thing that happened to me once a month. When i grew breasts i hated them. I hated bras. And of course, i have breasts that grew huge. I survive with super tight sports bras and tshirts because nothing else fits my fucked up frame: ive got broad shoulders, long legs, and huge feet (size 12 womens, which is impossible to find), and im like 5'8". Id be taller but my arms and torso are short, and ive got wide hips and huge breasts and butt. I hated my body and i still do. I feel like i was a crapshoot built out of the mismatched leftovers of several people. And the shit my parents tried to enforce for gender conformity to this "new identity of a young lady." first was acne management. I wasnt a pizza face, but i did and still do have a bit of an issue with blackheads (Glasses have that effect.) But my parents tried to force me to pop my zits...and when i refused because it hurt, they basically held me down and popped them for me. Then was "shaving my legs". Okay. Underarms i get because pits stink. I shave those because it feels less stanky when i do. But their issue? My legs. I refused to do it. "Boys dont, why do i? Thats not fair!" i fought. Hard. But...like the zits...theyd hold me down and buzz my legs for me from knee to foot while i thrashed and begged...all to force on me a title i never wanted, a mold i didnt fit. And i didnt understand WHY. Why was my behavior, my life and interests and hobbies and clothing all supposed to be dictated by something so unimportant? And then...when i was sixteen, i met a person i hit it off with. A sweet and funny youth my age with hair as long as mine and a goofy smile on his face. In a few months we were dating long distance and i suspect my family sighed in relief that i wasnt a lesbian. Our fathers got to be friends(which was useful, since 200miles between us put a crimp in relations.) But this had another side effect. You see, that next year i learned something id never heard before. Something id never considered until that day in 2002. His father...felt he was a woman trapped in a mans body. I was floored. This could happen? What? So i researched what i could to understand (there wasnt much, back then.) And...i began to wonder....because all I could find was for males becoming females. Even joked with my boyfriend that the universe "got us backwards" (he agreed, seeing as how he was girlier than me) And then it all crashed to a halt one night at dinner. His father, him, me, another mtf person and two other adults were at a restaurant, and the kne guy at the table with no knowledge on trans folks was asking questions. I listened, enraptured as the emotions and disconnects id always felt were described from the other side. Emboldened, 17, and perhaps seeking some form of connection or...validation for my feelings, i piped up, expressing how i felt the universe had gotten me backwards. That was the worst thing to say, as his father unloaded on me verbally for being mocking and insensitive and jumping on a bandwagon i had no business on. Treated me like i was being scum--damn near drove me to tears and made me feel small and useless. And i thought "if this is what trans ppl are like...i dont want to be like them ever." it crushed my desire to understand my gender identity and sexuality for years. It didnt help that as time went by ot seemed every trans person i encountered was one of two things: a dramawhore with the emotional stability of a 14year old girl, or someone like my bf's father who decided that i couldnt belong to his elitest club in a fashion that echoed years of "no girls allowed" from boys everywhere. The internets vast collection of professionally offended "keyboard warriors" who spew bigotry and hate and small minded idiocy while calling it "truth" or "just what X group deserves" is a steaming cesspit of shit I dont want to be part of on any level, and unfortunately many of them claim to be whatever "alternate" gender identity or sexuality is the fad this month. Its not winning me over at all, and made me shy further away from actual people i might be able to relate to...maybe who can help me. I finally did own up to something when i was 23--I was more sexually attracted to women than men. In fact...beyond a few emotion driven crushes as a teen, the only male i have ever found attractive was that same goofy, funny, smiling boy with the long hair...except these days hes my supportive, goofy, smiling mate with the softest heart of gold ive ever known inside a powerful and intimidatingly sized viking-esque exterior. But again...because on the outside, our relationship seems very "normal" im not welcomed much by the vocal minority and so im super wary of all parts of the lgbt crowd. I dont advertise or tell my relatives--my parents and their respective siblings are between 50 and 70 years old. They barely believe this stuff exists. I still dont want to be a girl. I dont want the societal expectations of it. I hate having breasts that risk knocking my teeth loose if i move too fast. And dont get me started on the fucking shit show that is my sex life. Its a complicated shit show that starts with the disconnect of parts and ends with kinks i can never actually engage in because, guess what? Im a GIRL. But at the same time, i stare at the only transmen examples and stories i can find, which seem to be rare and hidden somewhere, at places like fb and tumblr and twitter...at pride rallies and news stories...at stuff recounted by friends...and i dont want to be associated with people whose actions turn them into examples of literal human garbage. And so here i sit, caught between two worlds, never part of either one and feeling like im slowly drowning. It seems like one doesnt want me and the other i dont want... Im so tired of being stuck.

#Gender dysphoria #gender identity #emotional stress #confusion #feeling like a freak

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weannoyingbouquetgalaxy-blog1 · 7 years ago

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Doubt on two wheeler insurance ---Help?

"Doubt on two wheeler insurance ---Help?

My father has purchased a second hand bike for me but it is registered with my father name. I am going to use this bike. Now i have the following doubts 1. can i need to buy a new insurance or i can renew the existing bike insurance of bike seller. 2. if i need to buy a new insurance , with which name i need to buy ? my fathers or mine ? 3. can i use online facility of ICICI Lombord ? there it is showing the following 2 options 1.Buy insurance for brand new Two Wheeler 2.Buy insurance for brand new Two Wheeler which option should i choose?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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An individual purchasing auto insurance is an example of: Answer Hedging. Passing risk to someone else. Risk premium. Systematic risk. a and d

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Has anyone had a negative experience with Progressive Insurance Company?

Does anyone know any good cheap insurance companies to insure my car?

Would insurance on a small pickup truck be more than a small compact car?

I am thinking about getting a small pickup truck (Toyota Tacoma, Chevy S-10 type truck). Would the insurance on it be higher than a Small car like a Honda Civic or Hundi Access? I am 18 years old so my rates are already high and have a clean record and I live in New York.""

Co-op smartbox for young drivers?

I am 18 and considering going through the co-op box scheme for young drivers. Everything about it looks great (I've gone from quotes of 6000+ to 3000!) but there's one area that concerns me - I can't imagine I'll be confident enough driving any time soon to be a wreckless driver, but I intend to go on holiday around Scotland with my friends in the summer where I'll be driving for a long time. I was wondering whether this might affect my insurance premium. So for example if I drove around 5 hours a week, consistently, for a few months, and then went on a road trip and drove for 30 hours one week, would this raise my premium? I ask because on the quote page it asks for how long I'll be driving on a weekly basis. Do any current customers happen to know whether they care at all? Thank you in advance! :)""

Should i get life insurance or not?

i know the end is near for me and i think it would be good for me to get life insurance ive destroyed myself and my own life i think it would be appropriate for me to get life insurance so the funeral could at least be covered thanks 10 points

Which is worse on insurance costs or points a DUI or not haveing insurance?

My insurance company has on record that my husband had a DUI 2 years ago, but he didn't I got the paper work to show that it was a driving without insurance charge but I want to know which is worse to the insurance company.""

High Insurance Rate for RX-8 05'?

I'm 20 years old and have been driving for 4 years now. As of recently, I own a RX-8 05' (1st Car), No prior accidents, never gotten a ticket. Nothing negative what-so-ever with vehicles or finances. I'm paying $1600 and change every six months including discounts such as Military, anti-lock brakes, etc. Insurance company is Gieco. I took in to account that I am in fact a young male with a race car but with no intentions to drive reckless. Its a car that I plan to have for a few years and enjoy driving it before I get something more economically sufficient. My question is... Is this a reasonable payment? Do perks and lower rates come the longer your with a company and continue safe driving?""

Doubt on two wheeler insurance ---Help?

Do i have to have credit check to get car insurance?

i have a bad credit form when i was made redundant i am paying them off now but i still owe will i be able to get car insurance with this on my record, if yes could you provide some companies who i could contact.""

I am growing my insurance agency. Any sugguestions on how to avoid the time consuming busywork ?

I am good at getting people to buy from me, but hate all busywork . I am licensed and live in California, and sell personal health, life, car, and home insurance. I recognize that by not doing all the work, from running the quote to entering the data, that I should not be entitle to the full sum of the commission the carriers pay. Is there any franchise out there that has people who do all the deskwork so I can sell more? Its worth it to me to trade off part of the commish if I can get more people to buy from me. And I feel confident that I can bring more and more people in. My problem is that I lose oodles of time working their dec pages, typing in all their data to the various carriers.. Note: please dont answer if you are a recruiter. I am really looking for a good honest perspective from someone who has been in my shoes......Thanks so much.""

How can we get or is it possible to put a freeze for one or two years on health insurance cost?

I see BCBS is going up over 7% for 2011. Is there no stopping these rising costs? my poor pension.

Estimate how much car insurance would cost?

16 year old guy, with a 2001 Ford F250 Supercab, 160,000 miles. How much do you think insurance would cost per month?""

Really cheap auto insurance?

Right now i'm paying about $130 a month for car insurance and I keep getting told thats kind of a lot. especially since I barely ever drive my car because I work right by my apartment and I don't go to college yet. I live in MN and was wondering if there was a car insurer that would be cheap?

Car insurance for a japanese import?

I am looking for car insurance for a japanese import car and I am trying to find companies which will deal with imports and are cheap. I am only 18 so I know that the insurance will be pretty expensive but if anyone has had any experience with imports at this age and can tell me some companies to try that would be great. The car I am looking at is a Mazda mx-3 1.5i . If anyone knows how to get cheap insurance for this I would like to hear from you. It would be cheaper if I was a named driver and could earn no claims discount but I don't know if any of the companies who do that accept imports. Any help or advice anyone could give me would be very much appreciated. Thanks

Life insurance question?

I am looking for term life insurance, meaning the rate would would locked for 30 years regardless of my husband and I getting older. I just have couple questions, i am hoping someone would shed some light: what does this mean??: The Select-a-Term provides a level death benefit term to age 95 also what does this mean? Current premiums are guaranteed level for the first 15 policy years. if i am selecting 30 years, why are they only guaranteed for 15 years? also, what else should I be looking for? thank you!""

Im 16 and just had my second wreck!? what will insurance do?

I just had my second wreck today and both of them have been my fault! Im 16 and my first wreck was last year in late November. Will insurance just raise my rate, drop me, or offer high risk insurance?? have any options on how to get low insurance if i do need to get another insurer?""

Question about getting your own insurance?

A friend of mine recently just got his license and he tried to go on his mother insurance who doesn't have any insurance. Well, she tried to go on her own and they said that she had to put every single person who has insurance on, which will cost like 500 dollars per person!! Anyways, will it be possible for him to get his own, and will it be cheaper? Also, his father has his license suspended but that was at least 2yrs ago or so. Do they have to know about this or is they way to keep it from them. And, Do you have to put money down when getting insurence?""

Anyone ever in a car accident & break a bone? Wrist? How much did the insurance compnay pay you?

I broke my scaphoid bone in my wrist due to a car accident. I would like to be prepared when it comes down to the settlement. I was wondering if anyone else had the same thing happen. I am right handed and it's my left wrist. the accident was not my fault. other party's company is accepting fault too.

Car Insurance!?

I am planning to buy a used 1992 Honda Prelude for $2,700.00. How does the insurance work? Does the price of the car that I paid or the retail price, plays as a factor of how much I would have to pay monthly for insurance. What insurance company would be the best for a new driver with her G2 only? Does anybody have an idea of how much it will cost me (approximately monthly) for the insurance? What other fees or cost will I have to pay for?""

Cheap car insurance for 7 star driver?

Car insurance issue(s). Please share your experience and help if you can. Thanks?

My car caught on fire due to some electrical wiring, im fully comp, and have never claimed before. But sneaky as they are, they have told me that they do not cover electrical wiring faults, which has caused the fire. But the AA who towed my car in has catergorised it as fire damage. Surely they must cover the fire damage. I took it to a repair centre near me, and have asked them to have a quick check, and they also say its fire damage and what not, this has been procrastinated for so long by the insurance company, (claims company rather) that i can't remember what the repair centre has stated. Surely, fully comp covers something like this? THEIR engineers have said that there was no further damage to the rest of the car, but can i trust THEIR engineers? A full check up costs a lot, as they would have to take apart the car ( i believe? ) When i rang up the lady at the claims centre, she had no idea what case i was on, she literally said 'give me a moment to read up on your case' for me, thats a bit pathetic. While speaking on the phone with her not only was she rude, almost shouting at me (as i pressed on further ) . She told me she would send the company policy booklet to show that electrical wiring is not covered, and a letter stating the case was closed and in detail what the whole case is about. A week and a half has gone by (she said couple of days) This is the most annoying thing. She was rude, unhelpful, unwilling to help, and just taking the pee with the whole thing. I just find it sketchy that the letter has not been made, and no further actions or anything has happened (i have also opened another case about another incident - no info .. still) . I think they are just hoping i'd give this up as they are so unwilling to pay out. This is the reason I have insurance. Whats the point otherwise? Sorry for the long read. I have no idea what to do now, can i take it to a small claims court or talk to someone in the city council to further my case? Thanks""

Consequence of lending your car in terms of car insurance?

If I lend my car to my brother or sister, but I have car insurance, will they get a ticket when they drive? The car insurance covers the cost of the damage to the car, so does it matter who is driving it? What is the purpose of having someone as a secondary driver?""

I need a knee surgery? if i get medical insurance. it will cover the 5500 i need?

my question is when i get interviewed for insurance, should i not tell him about the bad knee so they will take me? i know the surgery will help and i can just wait a month and say i had a sporting accident?""

How much is an occasional drivers insurance in ontario?

I am 16 i have a g2 i drive and 2003 dodge caravan sxt its my dads how much would it cost to list me as an occasional driver with TD insurance

Convicted of drunk driving! Cheap car insurance UK?

Anyone know of a company that does fairly cheap car insurance for sum1 who is 23 thanks

Do you have to pay for a full year of car insurance if your car is written off part way through that year?

I pay my car insurance every month as a direct debit out of my bank account. My policy actually expires in March each year and I'm sent a renewal letter saying that if I wish to continue with my policy I just need to keep paying it monthly as I always have. Then come July my car was total written off. According to the insurance compay I still need to pay for a full years insurance, that is I need to pay all the insurance premiums up until March next year as this is when the policy expires. I figure if I don't have the car any more as it's a write off, and I'm able to cancelled the rego on it, why should I have to pay. I would have thought that if I'd paid a full years insurance in March that I would be entitled to a refund if my car was written off part way through the year. Any help would be appreciated.""

I`ve just passed my driving test at the age of 25 anyone know of any cheap car insurers?

I`ve just been given a suzuki swift, anyone know of any cheap insurance companies, as i`ve been quoted some stupid prices.""

""Will my car insurance rates go up if damage in accident is under $1,000?""

Today I bumped a parked car when trying to pull out of a paralell parking spot. Both cars were scratched, but no dents. My car was in worse shape than hers, and I took mine to an auto body shop to get a quote on what it would cost to repair the scratch. The quote I got was $671.23. The lady (who was sitting in her car when I bumped her) said she was going to have to have the whole bumper replaced... even though it was just a scratch about 3 inches long. We called the insurance companies and I admitted fault (duh.) She said she was going to call the police and may have to go to the doctor because her neck hurt, but the police were never called. I am still worried she is going to try to sue me or get more money from me... it was just a small scratch! Not even a DENT! My main question, will my car insurance rates go up, and if so, by how much? I drive a 2010 Kia Soul. I have one other accident on my record and I pay about $150 a month. If it does go up, is it going to be drastic? Her car was a 2012 Kia Soul (same color oddly enough) so I am hoping her quote will be similar? Since the overall damage is under $1,000, what can I expect to happen? Can she really report me to the police, or try to claim injury? I was just pulling out of a parking slot and thought I was clear, but still very slow and cautious. I just don't see how I could have hurt her neck... Any help/input appreciated, thanks so much.""

Cheap used cars and cheap insurance?

i need a cheap used small car anyone have any ideas where it would be reliable to get one..? not auto trader because i cant exactly trust a randomer selling a car which is probly going to break down 2 days later.... any ideas of something or places plz

What is grandfathered health insurance coverage?

I am trying to define the Health Care Reform Act of 2009 in plain English, and I keep coming across the phrase above. What does it mean?""

How much will car insurance be?

Im 17 and im 18 in september and i have a renaut Clio Grande year 2000 X reg, 1.2 litres. Ive got quotes off of compare sites for 4000 a year yet i feel this is ridiculous? I have heard of friends getting it for 2000ish. Where do i find or get these cheaper insurance deals? Will it go down at 18?""

""How many billions will obamcare cost to insure the poor ,the crack heads the people who can't afford it?

how much is the fine if you can't afford to buy obamacare

Has anyone driven past a police car without car insurance?

I've read on the internet and asked questions here on Yahoo about people driving without car insurance. The majority have said that police cars have a scanning system that automatically checks cars that goes by for MOT, tax and car insurance. I am wondering if anyone has recent experience of driving without car insurance past police cars and have anything happen to them? Have the police cars picked up that you have no insurance? I have car insurance by the way, i am just curious.""

Doubt on two wheeler insurance ---Help?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/can-you-buy-health-insurance-from-college-gwendolyn-varnado"

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