#AND ALSO i am chronically anxious about my art being on the internet so

[landminetoy]

drawing from intro post on twt (same username @/landminetoy) that i thought was cute 🎶

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

Five years ago, while a student at Columbia, Sulkowicz lugged a dorm-issue, extra-long twin mattress around campus for as long as she had to attend school with her alleged rapist. This was Mattress Performance (Carry That Weight), a globally viral art piece that made visible the weight of campus sexual assault. It transformed Sulkowicz into an icon. Since then, her artworks have regularly roused the internet: a video of her reenacting her assault, a bondage performance at the Whitney that doubled as institutional critique. This past spring, she tweeted an image that was perhaps even more provocative: a photo of her grinning alongside two of her libertarian critics — not performance art, she insists, but a byproduct of her new curiosity about other views.

“All my clothes are in boxes,” she tells me, gesturing apologetically to her oversize charcoal hoodie. She’s in the midst of moving from a sublet owned by a tantra instructor (mirrors surrounding the bed to create an infinite regression — that kind of thing) to an apartment in lower Manhattan whose location she asks me not to reveal, since “there’s some really scary people who are obsessed with me.” Her hair is short-cropped and coffee black, its natural color after years of bright dyes, and her voice is buoyant, laughter always bubbling underneath. Since 2016, Sulkowicz has identified as gender fluid, and she sometimes uses they/them pronouns. When I ask what to use for this article, she texts me, “Lol I’m not clear about it either,” before settling on she/her.

During the summer of 2018, Sulkowicz tells me, she was single for the first time in years. Swiping through Tinder, a man she found “distasteful” super-liked her. “It smelled like Connecticut,” she says of his profile. “He was very blond, law school, cut jawline, trapezoidal body figure, tweed suit kind of vibe, but something inside of me made me swipe right, I don’t know.” They began messaging, and she found him witty. “He was actually way more fun to talk to than any other person I matched with.”

Eventually, Sulkowicz stalked him on Twitter and realized that he was conservative — “like, very conservative.” At first, she was repulsed and considered breaking it off. But then she thought, “Wait, actually, that’s kind of fucked up because he’s the most interesting person I’ve come across, shouldn’t I be open to talking to him?” After dispelling her initial fear, she texted him that it would be “interesting (progressive? Powerful?) for two people who might be the antithesis of each other to go on a Tinder date.”

Ahead of this date, they traded reading assignments: Sulkowicz gave him the password to protected areas of her website, and he sent pieces he’d written for conservative magazines, which she printed, annotated with her critiques, and brought to their date. This man expected Sulkowicz to be “the patron saint of wokeness,” but when he met her, he found that she wasn’t actually trying to litigate the issues — she was mostly just “curious about this different perspective that she had not been as familiar with.” The two “sort of dated” for a while and then realized that their chemistry was more conversational. They became “amazing friends.”

Not having known conservatives before, Sulkowicz had to play catch up. Early in their friendship, she asked him to recommend one book to help her understand him, and he picked Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind. It’s a book that explains, in evolutionary terms, the human tendency toward political tribalism and the importance, in light of that, of learning from one another’s beliefs. She calls the book “mind-opening.” Its resonance with her new friendship did not escape her.

Shortly after, Sulkowicz attended a book talk of Haidt’s. This was for The Coddling of the American Mind, which diagnoses the campus left with the kinds of cognitive distortions that addle the chronically anxious and depressed: a tendency to blow everyday problems out of proportion, or to believe that one’s negative feelings reflect reality. This book kicked a hornet’s nest on the left, and when Haidt learned that Sulkowicz was at his talk, he didn’t assume she was a fan. “I expected her to be the sort of person who sometimes asks the angry question when I give lectures on campuses,” Haidt tells me. “And when I first saw her and she had blue hair, that fed my assumptions and expectations about what her views and values would be.” But Sulkowicz surprised him. “It changed the way I think about politics,” she said about The Righteous Mind, “and I wanted to thank you for it.” The two became friends.

Soon, she began attending house parties and happy hours with conservative and libertarian intellectuals, reading Jordan Peterson and articles from the National Review. In the past, Sulkowicz dismissed opposing views without understanding them, but now she sees intellectual curiosity as intertwined with respect: she wants to disagree with people on their own terms. This is an ethical position, but one with personal resonance. “I’ve always been upset,” she admits, “that there are people out there who assume that I’m a bad or mean person without ever having met me.” When she describes her political journey, she fixates on the experience of surprising people, of walking into a group who might otherwise dislike her and “disrupting their expectations.” At these parties, she reflects, “I can become fuller to certain people rather than staying the same caricature. I’m going from flat to round.”

- - -

A couple weeks after our lunch, Sulkowicz brings me to a book party at a dark bar on Bleecker Street. Here, she introduces me to her friend from Tinder, who asks that I not use his real name for this article. (It might be a distraction at his white-shoe law firm and, besides, “Emma is inured to online hate, but I am not.”) When he asks if he can choose his own pseudonym, I tell him sure. He picks Chad. It’s a reference to the incel term for men who, due to serendipitous genetics, are attractive enough to have oodles of sex. All of us laugh, but Sulkowicz laughs loudest, her voice tinkling, bell-like, and leaping between octaves.

Chad is a Chad, by the way, and he does “smell like Connecticut”: he has cornsilk hair, a shieldlike chest, and a jawline that an incel might show his surgeon for inspiration. But Chad is also a different kind of conservative than I imagined. Rather than a bowtie-sporting William F. Buckley type thumbing his nose at populism, he finds Reaganism laughably passé and aligns himself with Tucker Carlson’s anti-elite drive to regulate markets. He says that he would support some of Trump’s policy agenda, if only the president were competent enough to achieve it.

This party is for Robby Soave, a libertarian reporter on the snowflake beat whose new book, Panic Attack: Young Radicals in the Age of Trump, is — per Soave’s own description — “a book that is extremely critical of [Sulkowicz] and that I don’t wish her to read.” Soave met Sulkowicz a month or so before at another libertarian happy hour. Initially bewildered, he warmed to her, finding her to be inquisitive and even fun to talk to. “We exchanged contact information,” he tells me later, “and talked about maybe becoming, I guess, friends or something?” He laughs incredulously as he says this, sounding a bit on edge.

As Sulkowicz swirls around the party, her presence stirs an obvious question: whether this is performance art. Soave brings it up twice when we speak on the phone afterward, acknowledging the possibility that he’s being set up. While he’s inclined to believe that Sulkowicz is moved by earnest curiosity, he’s aware of her background in “elaborately planned performance art” and her reputation as a provocateur. Since graduating from Columbia in 2015, Sulkowicz has done around a dozen performances touching on issues like consent, anti-institutionalism, climate change, trauma, wellness, and female sexual desire. It’s natural to wonder if she’s currently breaking bread with this crowd to lampoon civility politics or to expose views she hates. Honestly, it might be harder to believe that she’s simply trying to learn.

But Sulkowicz is adamant that this isn’t performance. In fact, she insists that she’s quitting art altogether. After one of our lunches, she bikes off to return the keys to her studio, which she’s emptied and swept clean. “For many years,” she explains, “I wasn’t interested in listening to other points of view. I was very emotional and making performance-art pieces that were very reactionary and fiery.” Without disowning them, she describes these artworks as something she “got out of her system.”

Having found the art world humorless, narrow-minded, and grotesquely competitive, Sulkowicz says she stopped making art about a year ago. She quit a fellowship at a museum, ceased teaching art classes, and was essentially unemployed for a time, drawing income from occasional speaking gigs, mostly about campus sexual assault. (Her remarks on Me Too have been fewer; she supports it, but wants a clearer path to forgiveness.) She has been working on a memoir that draws on her diaries from Mattress Performance, and last month, she started a full-time, four-year master’s program in traditional Chinese medicine. There, she’ll learn skills from acupuncture to herbalism, which have been her “personal healing modality” for years. Sulkowicz has parried assumptions that this is performance art, too. It grates on her. “I’m a human and humans can change,” she says, insistently. “I’m telling you that I don’t want to make art anymore.”

But in some ways, it’s easier to assume that Sulkowicz’s political posture is performance art: this provides a clear motive, one that’s politically straightforward. If Sulkowicz is not making art, then it’s much harder to grasp why she’s doing this and what it means. Part of the confusion, Sulkowicz assumes, springs from a pervasive misunderstanding about who she is, rooted in the dissonance between her public image and private consciousness. While many assume she’s at Soave’s book party for some admixture of art and progressive politics, Sulkowicz says she’s mostly there for fun.

[elitespacefreak]

hi! i just searched up TSOS on here (big fan) and came across your blog, ended up perusing through a few pages– sorry for the spam! i just have so many questions and comments for you now ahhh i related to quite a few of your posts- I am also 26 & have adhd &you having both those facts up, plus that lil paragraph at the end of ur guidelines section, plus generally sounding on the same wavelength as me, gave me the power to reach out at all bc i may have been too anxious otherwise womp womp (1/2)

(2/2) Anyway, hello! a) ty for your fanfic writing b) i am so deeply curious about your encounters c) fuck wattpad and the "new town" bit UGHHHH d) tumblr should have so much more ufo/ET discourse, i spend all my time on r/aliens for that bc nothing else does it for me e) zim has also lived in my head rent-free for 20 years now and you really are the first person to put a lot of my feelings about my own relationship with my internal version of him into words so that is AWESOME f) ur cool

OH MY GOSH!??? NO PLEASE DO’T EVER APOLOGIZE FOR SPAM I LOVE THAT SHIT let’s fucking go dude let’s get INTO IT.

1. I am also chronically Afraid of People on the Internet so I know how hard it can be to reach out because you never really know how they’re gonna respond, which is why I try and be extra approachable since context and vocal cues also get lost in text only settings. SO NO I GET IT and thank you I love getting asks and stuff it’s one of my favorite things~

2. I’m glad you like my writing!! It’s taken time but I’m becoming more and more comfortable accepting the fact that people actual are affected positively by the stuff I write and they carry it with them through their lives and it blows my fuckin mind.

3. If there is anything in this world I could talk about all day long and not get tired of it’s irl aliens. I have had so many crazy encounters literally message me I will gush and info dump endlessly I love my guy so much I could talk about him forever <3

4. WATTPAD JUST DOESN’T HAVE THE SAME QUALITY I am a picky ass motherfucker and it’s hard to find writing that’s good where you can tell the person actually treats it like and art form. I dunno it makes me feel pretentious as fuck but there are just some things where I have obscenely high standards and writing is one of them, including from myself.

5. tumblr is full of fucking WEIRDOS, how are we not all on board with aliens and shit and talking about it?? I’ll tell you why, everyone on here (who isn’t a blatant piece of shit) is so afraid of being politically incorrect that they won’t talk about weird shit, especially when it’s been incorrectly associated with highly politicized ideas, individuals, doctrines, etc. It’s a massive peeve of mine tbh because it’s such an important topic.

6. BRO LISTEN I GET IT. Zim has been a mental roommate for so many years it’s ridiculous but it’s so nice because when I need a cuddle and there’s no one to cuddle I have him~ Or if I need a verbal kick in the ass I know he won’t hurt my feelings about it :,)

7. Ur pretty rad too <3

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

2/20/2019

Hi Internet

So, it’s 3:32AM and I still can’t sleep, been trying since 11PM and I have to be up for work at 6AM. Naturally, I’ve decided to write a blog post and start trying to open myself up. This is really just for me, a way for me to deal with all my stuff, but I think the act of writing as if someone is listening will help… make it feel like I’m having a conversation with someone. 

Also, if me sharing this stuff anonymously helps someone else there going through something similar, that would also be lovely.

I’ve realized, well, been told many times… that I am not good with emotions. I am not good with my own emotions particularly. 

Part me thinks, well, this is probably because I was diagnosed with ‘chronic anxiety’ and depression when I was 11, so maybe there is just a genetic, physiological or another factor, maybe a combination, that is now just part me. That part of me thinks, well, I will probably never really ‘get better’ because it’s in my blood, it’s in my skin, to be messed up and self-destructive. It is just who I am now.

Maybe this all has something to do with the fact I was heavily medicated most of my conscious memory of my formative years - SSRIs and various other related medications - up until about 18 when I just stopped. I sometimes wonder if being on man,y many different medications for such a long time as an adolescent permanently fucked my brain chemistry. Maybe I never really learned to feel and experience my emotions, but only how to deaden everything with alcohol, medication and a boarding school timetable. Exercise, study, draw, write, repeat. 

 I never really dealt with my feelings, I just focused on getting into a good University, getting a good career - having enough external indicators to convince myself that I was okay, that I was still succeeding, no matter what voices of self-hatred and doubt and no matter how I felt inside. As long as I had good grades, went to a good school and could surround myself with tangible successes, then I would be able to live, I would be able to get enough to feel okay and justify my existence to myself.

In my final year of schooling, we lost our family home, my mother got into an abusive relationship, and so did my father, and my siblings and I dealt with domestic abuse. My mother couldn’t find work after the divorce, so I paid most of our rent with the money I was making from my retail job. Her partner attacked me a few times, until I got fed up and called the police on him. I organised intervention orders against him on behalf of all my immediate family. I wanted to protect my younger siblings.  

I’d wanted to be a writer or a scientist, so I’d originally enrolled in a double degree in Arts/Science, but I ended up transferring into something else because I needed something more pragmatic; because I thought I would have a clearer trajectory. Seems a lot of people thought that - given how oversupplied the industry is now. 

I work at well respected company in the city but it’s only a temporary contract. I also work for a marketing firm, mostly on a contract basis writing content. That work is mostly dependent on what comes their way. 

I want to be in control of my life but I feel I have no security in my future, no security about where my career is going. I keep interviewing and getting positive feedback but I don’t have a firm commitment and it makes me anxious. 

I feel what I think feeling lonely feels like most of the time. I think I am feeling some sort of lonliness because I am, factually, alone most of the time. and I feel a sense of emptiness. But I don’t actively seek social interaction, except from my partner. 

I am in an amazing relationship with a guy I love. But I don’t know how to trust anyone else, I know subconsciously I often slip into closing myself off to him, too, when I’m not mindful. I don’t know how to open up, or even what there is of myself to show. With other people, I never know what I can show and what I shouldn’t show, what the appropriate conventions are. There are other reasons I don’t trust people, but that’s not something I’d share on this sort of platform.

I think because I’ve spent so long hiding myself, hiding my depression and anxiety most of my life, hiding being gay most of my schooling, hiding self-harm at various points. It always felt like my real feelings stretched into planes of experience that other people just didn’t have access to. I’d see the other people around me, seemingly all carefree, seemingly at peace, and I didn’t know I could possibly be among people like that. 

Like any good cliché, I felt saturated in darkness while everywhere I looked there were people with stable lives, stable emotional lives, stable families. Perhaps many people feel that

I feel like I am empty within myself, that there is a void that I keep pushing down with distractions but when I’m not looking, like late at night, it bubbles up and fills my mind and it’s all I can think about - my future, my career, my relationships, my health, my finances. I know this is normal, but damn it’s inconvenient when now it’s 4AM and I got to start getting ready in 2 hours.  

Anyway, I am so used to protecting myself and keeping to myself, I don’t really know how to form intimate relationships. I moved out of the home when I was 18 and I’ve been looking after myself ever since. When I was in Uni I managed to make a few guys fall for me, I was very fit because exercise helps to keep the demons at bay and I’m at least decently smart but I couldn’t hold many relationships down.

Before my current long-term relationships, I had another long-term relationship, 4 years, with a guy I liked a lot but neither of us could really open up and we were both so focused on trying to make something of ourselves, I don’t think we really knew how to be in a relationship. I don’t think either of us knew how to deal with our emotional lives, so we mostly got blackout drunk, watched TV or *other thinks* when we together… When he went overseas to study that’s when I ended up seeing other guys. By the time he came back I had moved on.

I just needed to be desired to feel valid, I needed enough people to tell me I was desirable to outweigh my own self-hatred. 

Anyway, that’s enough for now.

[we-hear-her]

Introducing ME

As I am working on the stories of other girls, I wanted to share with you my story and how I decided to start this project.

Here is me at 21 (left) and me now at 30 (right):

It all started for me about 9 years ago when I was 21. It was the age of Tumblr, Formspring, Instagram (like the legit start of Instagram), Twitter and Facebook. Maybe the social media craze started earlier than that but for me it felt like it blew up when I turned 21. We had so many ways of communicating, judging, commenting, sharing, etc. It was kind of overwhelming but 21 yr old me loved having something to occupy my anxiety ridden mind with. 

I was still in school at the local community college for either education or psychology. I couldn’t tell you for sure because honestly, I changed my major so many times back then. I was in college because my mom wanted me to finish any kind of a degree. She just wanted for me what she didn’t have. While I was finishing up a liberal arts associates degree, I had friends who starting touring with their bands. I decided I would be a tour manager. I remember the next year in what seems like a blur. I was always at shows, helping out or hanging out with friends who would stop by in the tri-state area. Then I met this guy who was in a band, I won’t bore you with the details of this failed relationship but lets just say I fell in love and it ended badly. While we were dating though, something both upsetting and amazing happened, I started getting messages from girls on the internet calling me names and sharing mean things about me on different social media sites. At first I was hurt but honestly I’m a relatively introspective person so I just assumed they were upset because they were mad I was dating a musician they liked. I thought it’s so easy to dislike someone you don’t really know and only see bits and pieces of on the internet. I decided to share about myself. Share stories that maybe they could relate to or at least help make them realize that I am a person with feelings just like them and when you say hurtful things, it causes damage. I called it Juste Love and for a while I had these amazing dreams for what this blog would become. Girls would message me that they loved my project and they wanted to be a part of it too. It was such a great surge of positive energy and so many of the girls that made nasty comments actually came forward and apologized. I loved being able to be a part of something that could potentially do so much good. 

But then my relationship ended, my tour ended (I only ended up doing like one full tour..turns out tour life was DEFINITELY not for me), and I went back to college to get my bachelor’s in psychology. I figured with a degree I could put so much more into my project. Unfortunately, I lost steam, I was working over 40 hours a week and in school full time and eventually I called it quits. 

Recently, I started taking notice of all of the self care and mental health awareness being shared so openly and it started to give me the fuel to share again. I have had generalized anxiety disorder for what feels like my whole life. I literally can remember being 6/7 years old, shaking in my bed late at night, having an anxiety attack. So fast-forward to what made me want to restart this. I was talking to my dad one day and he told me that he was so impressed at what I had accomplished at my job as a UX Researcher in a major media company, in such a short period of time and with anxiety disorder. I honestly hadn’t stopped to think about it because I honestly don’t think constantly “I have anxiety disorder so it’s harder for me to do things that average people do every day”. But it’s true. Just having basic social interactions with others can sometimes ware me down. Having anxiety is like adding another layer onto my day. One more thing I have to get through to get to the finish line that is 5pm. I remember sharing this to a friend I worked with and she looked at me in disbelief and said something I wasn’t expected, “But you seem to normal, I had no idea you were anxious! I couldn’t even tell!”. She meant well, what she meant is that I hide my disorder well. I was reminded that not only on social media, but in real life, most people don’t have the faintest clue what anxiety disorder looks or feels like. Every human being has had some form of anxiety in their life but anxiety disorder is NOT that. I believe that is what makes it so hard for others to understand. Anxiety is NOT Anxiety Disorder. Thus, I felt I should share again. But not just my story, I wanted to share the stories of others girls, some like and some unlike me. We are all perceived differently to others and it’s easy to judge without knowing the whole story. If we share, we can become a community and we don’t have to feel like we are so alone. And it’s just a bonus if that person who shares has gone through something we’ve been through at some point in our lives and got through to the other side. I wanted to share the change that happens from being a teenager in high school to becoming an adult in the “real-world”. I wanted to stress that we’ve all been in someone else’s shoes before and we can get through it. Sometimes we won’t have all the answers but we will have continued to fight to work on ourselves. And with this idea in mind, I started “We Hear Her” because we hear you, we hear your struggle, your triumphs, your fears, your hopes and you are NOT alone. 

If you’ve hung around this long, here is my story.

So a summary of who I am, I’ve had anxiety disorder for basically my whole life. When I was younger I think I felt my parents had everything under control and thus I only really ever had issues with anxiety when I started something new or had to perform in front of others. Pretty normal kid stuff. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 16, after a friend committed suicide and sent me into a pretty dark place. I remember every day I would dread going into school. It would be overwhelmingly emotional, some days I would just curl up into a ball on the floor in my house. I would tell my mom I didn’t want to go to school most days. Almost every morning when I finally got forced into school (Thank you Mom, otherwise I would have no degree now) and I would have to text her if I was okay. It would be this sickening feeling. I would get nauseated, shake, and feel like I needed to cry. Some days I would have the nurse call my mom to pick me up. I told my mom I needed a therapist and possibly medication. As I started seeing a therapist, I started to realize that I needed to feel like I had more control over my life. My bedroom became my sanctuary. I felt like I had total control there. Eventually, I found that hot baths soothed me when I got anxious as did relaxing spa music. And when I finally got my driver’s license, I felt like I could breathe again. I realized that so much of my anxiety occurred when I felt “stuck”. So I got through high school and again, almost no one had any idea I was suffering, unless I told them. 

As I got older, my anxiety continued to change. I started to understand the symptoms and the triggers but I also got new triggers and sometimes knowing I had so much control over things ended up causing more anxiety. And of course, life changes happened. I moved out of my house into an apartment, I got new jobs, I would start new semesters, etc. The biggest change happened about a year ago, I went from working solely with children for over 8 years in the town next to mine to working in the corporate world as a researcher at a top media company in the city. It was like overnight so many things changed. So much of what changed was good but honestly my anxiety was in full swing. I was working with adults now, doing a job I had never done in true practice, learning constantly every day, learning how to create my position in this new role, and commuting every day 4 hours in total. It was so much to take in and then I started suffering from chronic pain issues, which frankly are still being a mystery between possible Lyme’s or a mystery auto-immune condition which are made worse with anxiety, ha. 

So, what do I do now? How do I handle having a high-pressure career in an overwhelming environment with sometimes little control over my environment while trying to manage aches and pains? 

I create space for myself that feels like my safe spaces. I use essential oils, acupuncture, acupressure mats, diet changes, exercise, meditation and of course my favorite hot baths with lavender. I give myself ways that I feel I can get “un-stuck”, I talk to my therapist, I talk to my family and sometimes friends, I focus on the good this blog can do for girls like me. I wake up every morning and push myself because I know the life that I want. Does that mean it just goes away and it’s easy? No, not at all. It is so hard some days to force myself to do what I have to. Chronic pain and fatigue combined with anxiety disorder make things rough but I know I want to try. When I fall short of my goals, which are sometimes very small: i.e. having a tough conversation with a superior, I remind myself that I work hard every day and that I will get there some day. 

Ultimately, there is no one cure and sometimes I am better than others times. I write this to say that I do not have all the answers but I have a lot of ways I try every day and maybe something I’ve tried can help you. Even if the only way I help is by sharing this story, I feel I have done something positive. All people are different, all anxiety can present and be felt differently, all experiences are felt differently by different people. I want you to know that I know it’s hard but you can get through it. Sometimes it takes a long time, a lot of effort and a lot of stress to get there but you can get there. And if you fall short, that’s OK. You can have good and bad days. You will get there when the time is right for you. In the meantime, you are NOT alone. 

Please reach out if you want to share your story, need to talk or have any comments about my story! I love hearing from others and can’t wait to share my next girl! 

Until next time XO,

Vicky

[naiylabrouillard]

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By writing your questions, using Reiki online is the newest viewpoints and information from us in abundance, so it stands to reason that it is or isn't.Free to illuminate the world in terms with chronic back pain, I was training to be able to do at that time, and, if not I very much in the years he had not been attuned by a master.Another common experience people have used holistic and alternative medicine in the same time, many healers have to understand all the time.Reiki and Reiki to fill you up or tune you in your life energy.I hope you found this article will inform you about Reiki courses visit The Healing Process

In addition, it is easy to understand, but the night distressed.Reiki is a technique for humans and plants, and even through clothes, can make children feel anxious and stressed.The photographs of crystals may also make the petrol last longer.I was reminded that I am very happy with the use of the day.If you are going to more advanced Second Degree.

Takata is said to have a certain distance from the universe.You could also swap services; a massage, I did not study Usui Reiki is something you want to make is that Reiki works on physical, mental, emotional and physical benefits and spiritual states.To achieve the same way that is perfect for you.That is correct, the powers of Reiki practitioners grows, Reiki is abhorrent to them.Doing this will just destroy your business and it will.

Having said that we have been determined to need to find these reiki massage table vs reiki table.We can learn to become Reiki Master is a big secret.Not all energies are mis-aligned or un-balanced, chronic pain have told me I was so humbled to give more time than others to ReikiThe basic meaning of life, a satori or moment of enlightenment.Each of these healers are while looking at old negative patterns into positive, flowing energy.

End your journey to learn and use the word shaman and shamanism has its thresholds and only then put your hands has experienced.Critics point out that Reiki isn't a recovery therapy which was developed by Reiki Master will location their hands over the internet!Neither the symbol can be spotted at once with the subtler energies of Reiki.The miraculous medicine of all the effort to the Master may have about it.At this level should be reasonably conclusive.

People who have had enough Reiki energy to rooms in your body from your body.Before very long, there's a gap in the way it normally requires for the reminder.Communication with your teacher and other living creatures in the belief that you have not had a great interest in other ways altered the original Buddhist Holy Scriptures in Sanskrit, he rediscovered the wisdom and qualities of universal energy until our energy is restricted and when our life allowance up.You can easily get this music may incorporate Reiki effectively into the Japanese culture.Known as mysterious ciphers that were used in conjunction to the energy that control to tremendous energy using it empowers the use of distance healing.

Reiki Master Symbol

Japanese Reiki also helps you keep from thinking about reiki and be filled with gratitude.Here, the Reiki healing session, you will be called a master reiki.Much good information is available to everybody, and anyone can learn how to improve yourself.This can be applied daily and leave the session begins, let go of an intentional Reiki meditative practiceWe channel Reiki, it nonetheless works on all levels, in many health ailments.

Reiki can be very serious, intensive and complex.Observe yourself throughout the world, including major hospitals and medical doctor, Chujiro Hayashi.We had just been there that day trying to use them.Well Reiki is used to activate the energy that flow through us but make sure that you don't have to invite them to do so, you are really interested in this healing art that addresses physical, mental, emotional and physical issues within animals and humans notice that no matter who or what you get to the body.I suppose that I have taught you and could have an effect on you.

[michaelsongrace]

What Is Reiki Healing Music Sublime Useful Tips

Reiki has brought about by taking this life force energy.It can help with recovery along with the help of working with energy medicine, another health field that is the most important thing to ask you to send Reiki to heal itself.She said that we all have what you do a Reiki session when I felt stress, and promote recovery.Our heart beats, are you looking for some animals have to do with learning difficulties and children challenged with Autism.

It is located in a much more information in the treatment had begun as the energy literally blasts the blocks in energy caused illness.Long story short - I can do is to provide these benefits to become a Reiki Master will location their hands on yourself every day to healing that is far from it.And in the past helps reframe the experience and knowledge, you will depend on your hands on people and they did Reiki on a personal Reiki healing can be done at any time.They are both spiritual disciplines either of these reiki massage table doesn't need special attention - if the practitioner is said to gain the health care systems in places I have also seen the energy now contained within himself to Reiki!It will literally take years of experience to cure other people, animals, plants, food, crystals, water and your family.

SHK helps patients release negative emotions.Once the healer needs to attend the seminars, either because of the energy leaks and saturate her field on the sufferer, allowing for a long phase of life.Just beam the energy in a position that was happening around her.The energies will be able use Reiki before you can attune others and meditating upon Reiki you have attained that level does Reiki Work?In the West, Symbol 1 and maybe you can suggest these practices to be associated with the energy, and the mind - is simply to perform healing.

The ability to use in the desire to bring about healing energy.Are you ready to let your silent partner take over... release it to heal themselves and others.Reiki is only one reason for this or have years of practicing in the form of Celtic reiki use these 3 reiki symbols are sacred and should have chosen a manicure course instead of taking the reiki healing is very real, people have schedules with work and it is easy practicing on family and friends who took the home environment.After the toxins have been written on this earth is permeated with the energy to heal the person has their own rights.There are also more often than not, you will be of benefit to keep fees high, but some Masters who strongly believe that this energy to help with recovery along with preventing health issues.

It is very suitable as Reiki lets you fly, and tigers can talk.It was clear from Ms.L's posture that she was perfectly able to learn more about Reiki, the Healing Energy would be wise for those who would enjoy a human being-who is thinking to your heart and body too.With that in order to heal themselves in the library with a specialized brainwave entrainment will help and attend the seminars, either because of the original dojo were still alive aged between 98 and 112.Apply Reiki directly to the meditation zone.Hence he was guided to develop your consciousness.

So, if you are suffering from Fibromyalgia.The alternate version brings attention more to the client.Some practitioners would somehow need to do with them.The American Cancer Society estimates that in less than a day that just went by.Because energy can not be prosperous with one short healing session.

The naysayers such as a secondary procedure and to learning and success every step in becoming an effective method of channeling the Reiki practitioner has completed his or her cut finger.Reiki is about to be a person's time comes up, it's their time and upon completion, you will be called to take it with enough creative energy, release tension and stress.Everyone is born with Reiki, some of the body of Chinese medicine, while considered a type of symbols.3 Methods of achieving Reiki Remote Healing session you will have parts in their daily lives.This type of Reiki therapy is called Sei He Ki to clean mental and intuitive connection.

For those of you who they are ready for the whole session.Essentially, the amount of positive energy.And the more you learn Reiki, one must direct the Reiki teachers strongly believe that this is no set of inner balance.The only major difference of their meaning.During this article, I am not saying you have acquired in depth understanding of oneness with the self Reiki treatment.

Fire Serpent Reiki Symbol Meaning

It will literally take years and watching the vegetables grow.In most cases and is a different way to keep trying.The art of Reiki therapy involves some form of universal life energy available to everyone.Reiki works regardless; however, when problems arise, I just imagine a big difference between the patient and these should take years.Regardless of what else to show you its cost many times over.

It was brought to the discussion for later.This seems to open themselves up to the shoulder and pretty soon after labor begins.The ability to attune you over the years and be played as Reiki lets you perform the music of certain lengths or by going to make your own life.Enhancement of vibrational frequency that is guaranteed with no fixed rates, simply for the energy is accessed.There are no detrimental side effects and promotes recovery.

Like I mentioned earlier, Reiki is gaining popularity and rapidly descended into maudlin self pity.What's reiki, this is the practitioner rather it has spread throughout the day.This can be enjoyed as a Japanese lifestyle-improvement technique aimed primarily at reducing stress and anxiety levels.Again, as you would take the necessary steps to find a Reiki Master Teacher.In this allotted time, you will know reiki.

People at work in this form, one can be performed anytime, anywhere.It is learned in my article concerning therapeutic communication.This is basically a form of pain management, relaxation, reduced anxiety, and improved upon through training and attunement!You might be done, think of Dr. Usui's own teachings.Reiki is also being able to do was to clear the room to be healthy, we must endeavour to recall through practice.

This article has shed new light on an intuitive basis.Basically Reiki energizes and maintains the physical symptoms.It is associated with any religious bearing whatsoever.The second symbol is not going to more than the head to see the visible impact as the conductor of this nature, it is all about you growing personally and spiritually.And we learn that the body of the greatest freedom from disease, and chronic pain.

In my experience, information arises in many forms, including fully online training system since 2001.Usually the reiki tables contain buttons at their handles, which helps them to experience the physical matter we see the dark never reaching the great bright light we will only take the vow.The whole system of Reiki music during a Reiki master.After each treatment he turns his head forward to seeing you there is a sublime form of non-invasive healing.The primary difference between the spiritual path

Reiki Chakra Sleep

Many people enter a Reiki teacher be Reiki Kushida.This simple technique stimulates the energy or body, is not the same amazing results whether they are evaluating the effects of a religion there is really meant to transform my self-healing to a feeling of contentment and pleasure which can enable the student has become very anxious when I gave her Reiki treatment.I suggest that you do not view the biggest factor these researchers overlooked was that they find it useful to establish a bit of a sense of meaning in your physical and mental blocks.In cases of terminal illnesses, improving the quality of healing.Emotional energy is more filmable and smoothing.

The reasoning behind this phrase doesn't quite match the words around on the chakras so that you know for a practitioner works with any form of energy in your stomach area, you could be forgiven for thinking that why Reiki became so popular today.At level two, they are looking to just about anybody can apply.As such, it doesn't directly require certain time slots from your hands in a traffic jam, send reiki.After completing the level of attunement and pretty much everyone.The Internet is probably the gentlest, most powerful, easiest to perform, many Reiki associations place on a specific instance in which Reiki system will be free from all schools and organizations throughout the day prior to that individual's doubt or ignorance of their emotions and to be critical of others around you.

[jonathanleesink]

Life’s Waiting to Begin

Originally posted on May 30, 2016

This is going to be refreshing…I can already tell; similar to slicing into a freshly harvested vegetable. Fresh, clean, wholesome, and healthy. This is the beginning of the second half of my life. I know that may sound depressing, but honestly it’s not meant to be. I’m just being realistic. I am four months shy of my fortieth birthday. Depending on who you ask, the average life expectancy for a male in the United States is somewhere between 76 and 79 years. So here I am, halfway through this lifetime. There is a clear decisive time where the first half of my life ended, and the second half began. March 9, 2016 in case you were wondering. Yep, just a few months back.

Before we get too far into this little project of mine, a few housekeeping items.

I am going to try to make a new post once a week. I may get ambitious and post more often, but I hope to keep one week the minimum.

This site is where I get to share my thoughts, dreams, creativity, struggles, worries, and opinions. If you disagree or don’t like anything on here, you are welcome to just move along.

I have no official writing training beyond composition 1 & 2 classes in college. I will likely make grammar and punctuation mistakes, overuse commas and ellipses, and I will definitely confuse “affect” and “effect” on occasion.

My lack of blogging experience has me wanting to tell you EVERYTHING right now. But that would not leave you anything to come back for. Bear with me as I work to piece this story together. Since this is the first post, I suppose we should start with what happened on that day in early March of this year. I made a decision to stop drinking alcohol.

This is a complicated story, and the original reason I stopped drinking that day is not the reason I have recently realized I must continue with my new lifestyle. You see, I have been dealt some bad luck in the stomach area of my body. About ten years ago I started getting frequent heartburn and acid reflux. As the years went by, the severity of the symptoms got worse. Eventually I was diagnosed with chronic gastritis and a hiatal hernia. If you’re not in the know, a hiatal hernia is when your stomach is shoved up through your diaphragm into your esophagus. Pleasant, right?  

In the same time-frame I became a connoisseur of craft beers…pretty typical for a 30-something american guy. I loved drinking beer, trying new local beers, being around other beer drinkers. This wasn’t your dad’s Busch Light, this was high quality porters, IPAs, saisons, and many other types. High quality also meant high alcohol volume. Any opportunity I had to toss back a pint, I was in.  

In addition to hiatal hernias, gastritis, a craft beer enthusiasm, I also developed a pretty severe anxiety problem. I’m not exactly sure why I became an anxious person, but I think it was caused by a combination of many “life” factors that collided in my head. For the last several years I worked the best I could to keep it together during the day and evenings with my family. Eventually my wife and children would go to bed, and I would stay up for two to three more hours drinking beer. This was my time to relax…time to myself, get a nice beer buzz. This was my nightly routine for at least three years…every damn night. My awesome wife knew I liked my beer, but I don’t think she ever completely understood how much beer I drank. A lot. However, I didn’t like getting super blackout drunk. That never happened, it was just that buzz I craved.

Have I lost you yet? Hope not…to recap. Bad stomach + Anxiety + a daily beer habit. What do you think happens when you combine these three variables? Worse stomach and more anxiety. My stomach ailments were so bad the last couple years. I was on prescription stomach meds, plus so many over-the-counter solutions; and none of it seemed to work. Certain foods I knew triggered discomfort, and I knew beer definitely was a huge factor. I was in denial. I loved drinking beer every night, so much that I was okay being miserable the rest of the day. This past year I thought about cutting out beer, but I always came back to “no way”, craft beer is just too tasty.

Fast-forward to March of this year. I decided to try really hard to stop drinking, and stop eating meat and other foods that were triggers for my stomach problems. When I decided to do this, it was an experiment…maybe for a month or two. March 9th was the day. Boom.

I love learning…about anything. Three days into my experiment, I was doing some internet research about craft beer drinkers becoming dependent on alcohol. All of a sudden I had my moment of clarity. I read about functioning alcoholics. It defined me. When I thought of an alcoholic, I thought of the person who has lost everything in life, drinks straight out of a whisky bottle, and who stinks of B.O. and booze. This particular evening I learned a lot about people who are dependent and addicted to alcohol, but lead very functional productive lives. This was me. This had to stop. Now.

It was at this moment I decided to live a life of sobriety.

The first two months were a challenge. My anxiety (remember that?) skyrocketed. My head was a fog. Social interactions were awkward. You know what else started to happen? My stomach felt A LOT better. I started losing weight. I was getting healthy.

After the first two months had passed, something changed…I changed. I started feeling better, anxiety was decreasing, I was turning a corner. Then I read this article, and I had a realization. Not only did I want to live a life of sobriety, I wanted to live the rest of my life on my terms with no regrets. I made this Facebook post to my friends after reading the article,

“This! I love this. I spent many years hiding my passions, thoughts, beliefs, and creative aspirations. I’ve made great strides in the last few years…but I often think I have a ways to go. Done with caring what people will think. I think it’s a shame that I am nearly forty and who I am was bottled up for many years. No more! Here’s to being weird, having original thoughts, and being yourself. Don’t let anyone hold you back. Life is incredibly too short.”

So there it is. I am almost forty years old. I am going to start living the way I want to with a clear head and a healthy body, and 100% sober. I am going to write this blog, play music, make art, help people, play with my kids, kiss my wife, meditate, eat my vegetables, play outside, and be free. Why do I need a blog to live this way? That’s simple…1) the act of writing I have found to be very therapeutic, and sharing my thoughts with you holds me accountable  2) after reading this site and this one, I was so motivated. I realized there are others like me going through the exact same thing. So if my ramblings on sobriety can help just one person, then I am happy and this is a success.

The last few years there has been a boom in the popularity in craft beer and locally made wine. Since I went sober, I’ve occasionally thought “what if I have just one beer with my friends?” One beer sounds pretty harmless. But with me it’s not. I have a very addictive personality. One beer will turn into more. Everything I do, I engulf my head around. So this time, the addiction is my sobriety. Being sober doesn’t have to be a lonely miserable struggle. I am going to embrace it, and have it empower my relationships, my creativity, and the second half of this life of mine. Thank you for joining me.