sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

Under pressure

Our skin can

Stretch

Connective tissue

Branching out

Sinewy vines of blood

Swelling vascularity

Souls aren’t like that

Nothing to stretch

Splits at the edges

Fizzling

Shrinking

Gravity

Bending light

A portal swirling

Into crushing

Endless night

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

I don’t know how much more I can take

Loneliness

Reaching from out the fog

Evil witch, bog hag

For another sad fag

Tired old cliche

Another knee jerk

Kicking off

Hitting off

Ready to swing

Aimlessly at every

Fucking thing

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

Hera’s shrill decree

Demands so much of me

Mindlessly I see

Pointless deeds

Gathering like reeds

Bloodied seeds

Something dark within me

Seethes

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

I have the plague, good sire!

But tis’ not a rot you catch

It spreads through frequency

A psychic thing

With roots and branches digging

sooty blackening fingers

Into the light

Excising it like so much flabby fat

Was Descartes right?

Swivel camera - brains n’ vats

Or is that

Our soul unfolds

A writhing mass

Of swollen vampire bats

Beatified in strength of might

Under skins of perfect night?

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

I say I’d try to meet the Muses

Pull the thread of divinity

and see if it connects to me

Lil’ nymph queens twisting under planes o’ glass

You note their fangs

spines of bone protruding skin

hauntingly they sing

But you note the deathly quiet

The smooth dead planes of Gorgon eyes

The melting skin to perfect stone

You note the deathly quiet

And I take your meaning

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

The machine stirs with the sizzling stink of soldering iron

snapping saltily awake

a saltine snack cracking crisply

a clean break

coming on, turning, turning

up

outward

a sudden rush or reddy blood

painful pangs like a dead arm stiff from

rigid lack of movement or too

much downward pressure

ugly and ungodly feeling flittering, flickering

facsimile of life

coming on, coming on

coming

Online

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

I’ve come to better see the outlines of my selves

each a nexus point, a constellation compartmentalised behind

access points which,

rusted and corroding, become harder to reach

phantoms in the nerve cells, whispering down

my basal ganglion and snaking silently

by the ground fatty mince of so much

grey matter and CSF

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

Thought of the day:

When the urge to self-harm gets too strong, stay away from the kitchen. Don’t even touch anything sharp.

Lock yourself away with any exercise equipment you have, blast the fiery, screaming chants of destruction and exercise until you can’t move, let the urge to self-destruct and that black-and-red churning mass and vibrating urge to violence push the animal to force this crude biomass into something productive. Channel the urge to pain and suffering into things that hurt in a better way?

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

moon_mxtr on Instagram

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

“I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad. Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

“I know pretty much what I like and dislike; but please, don’t ask me who I am.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[sillyalpacacollection-fan-blog]

— Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath