#AND AGAIN THEY’RE JUST. NOT SCARY. LIKE THEY’RE NOT EFFECTIVE AS A MEANS OF MAKING YOU FEEL FOR THE CHARACTERS

[hyperfixationtimego]

every time I see someone say their favorite executions were sdr2’s, I lose a couple years off my life I think

[moonstruckme]

Can we get a poly!marauders with a reader who has just lost their best friend(not dead, they’re just not friends because they’re friend started being a not nice person) and the reader starts to think its their fault/insecure reader :))) thanks

Thanks for requesting!

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 540 words

There’s an odd thing that love does when it changes. It doesn’t go away, just sits exactly where it used to in the center of your chest, and sours. Curdles. 

The ache behind your ribs feels almost familiar, but the pain has lost its pleasantness and it’s just pain. You swallow against it, but it won’t go away, even as James rubs firm circles around the area of affliction on your back. 

“Don’t torture yourself,” Remus tells you softly, looking up at you from the floor beside where you sit on the bed. “You did the best thing.”

You nod like you believe him, but your voice is leaden with doubt. “It feels so weird to go from talking to someone every day to not talking to them at all.” 

James makes a sympathetic sound. “You said it yourself, sweetheart, they’re not the same person you wanted to talk to every day. You’re just looking out for yourself.” 

Looking out for yourself. It sounds selfish to your ears, though you know it shouldn’t. You’re used to looking out for the people you love, and now you’ve gone and left one of them behind. Your eyes flit almost unwillingly to one of the pictures taped to your wall. It’s too small to make out, but you know it well, one of the many of you and your best friend scattered about your home. What are you supposed to do with those now, throw them out? 

Sirius reads your mind (he’s scary good at that sometimes), the mattress shifting as he leans towards you. “Just because you’re not close anymore doesn’t mean you have to hate them, or forget that you were happy during some of the time you were close.” He gives you a rare sorrowful look, raw in its understanding. You feel closer to tears than you have since you’d made the decision. “I know it’s hard to move on, but it’ll be easier if you’re fair with yourself about it. You did the best you could. It’s not your job to figure their shit out for them.” 

You nod, a hot tear cresting your cheek. “You’re right,” you tell him, or maybe all of them. “I’m sorry for making such a big deal out of this.” 

“Hey,” James chides, palm pressing harder into your back like he can push the hurt right out of you. “Don’t be. It’s a big deal to you, yeah?”

You nod again, wiping your face with the heel of your hand before another tear can make it very far. 

“Then it is a big deal,” he says. Remus hums his agreement, looking at you with sad, worried eyes. “It’s okay to be sad for a while. Just so long as you’re not blaming yourself, alright?” 

You swallow, leaning your head on his shoulder as thanks. “None of you guys can ever change like that, okay?” You’re aiming for lightness, but the effect is diminished by the croakiness of your voice. “I’ll have a very hard time ditching you, self-preservation or no.” 

Sirius makes a derisive sound, playing along as he bumps your shoulder with his. “Yeah,” he scoffs, “good fucking luck with that one. Try to shake me, and I’ll latch onto your ankles.”

[miheartsedthings]

Long Drive

SFW

You can’t sleep. Your body too full of a thrumming sadness you can’t be rid of. The source of which you can’t pin down. Your heart feels stuck to your sternum and you turn over in bed again searching for some kind of relief. 

“Can’t sleep?”

Billy’s husky voice finds you in the dark. 

“Not even a little.” 

The two of you climb into the car, you bring your thin blanket and he doesn’t bother putting on a shirt. He’s warm enough to brave the spring chill without one. You let the passenger seat back and watch dark trees slide by the window. A navy sky empty of stars. His hand comes groping under the blanket, searching for your hand and you offer it, lacing your fingers with his. 

“What’s got you sad?” 

“How’d you know?”

He gives you a skeptical look. 

“All this time, you still think you can keep a secret from me?”

It makes you smile, however sadly. 

“Just feeling…far away…don’t know why.”

He nods slowly, his eyes watching the horizon while he mulls over what you’ve said. 

“From me?”

You shrug. 

“From everything. Just…feel like I’m missing something.” 

He brings your hand to his lips. 

“I’m here.” 

You smile. 

“I know.” You say “I know you’re here. I know I’m not really on my own I just…” You don’t have the words to finish this feeling. It has no particular name. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

He heaves a deep sigh. 

“Steve texted me.” 

This rings alarm bells, you raise the seat to sit up and look at him. 

“Yeah? Is he okay?”

He shakes his head.

“The nightmares came back. Bouncing’ off the fuckin walls over there.” 

You groan, your heart filling with worry. 

“How can he still live in that town?”

He shrugs. 

“The kids are there. He won’t leave till they graduate.” 

“Fuck.” Your head falls against the rest. “I worry about him,” you say. “A guy like that shouldn’t live alone. He needs people around.”

“I told him,” Billy grumbles, clearly worried about his friend. The sensitive boy he sometimes thinks of as a brown-eyed puppy. He rifles through the glovebox, retrieving his cigarettes with a huff. 

“You told him he can live with us, right? If he wants to?”

“I fuckin’ told him, baby,” he says around the cigarrette. He rolls down the window a second too late, filling the car with the heady musk of smoke. “He’s a stubborn asshole.” 

You cough and he apologizes, giving your knee an affectionate squeeze. You tell him it’s fine and crack your window as well. The two of you sit in silence for a while. Winding through streets in no particular order. 

“You think people can feel it when you're thinking about them?” Billy glances over at you. Unsure how to answer. “I mean, psychically. Like…I think about it with celebrities sometimes. When there's thousands of people thinking about you all at once, it has to have some effect. Maybe it just makes them sneeze.” He grins a little, taking another long hit from his Marlboro. “So maybe Steve’s sneezing his brains out right about now.” 

“I hope so. I hope he knows we give a shit.” 

“I think he knows you care. You tried hard after everything. He trusts you now.”

“Hmm.” 

He takes another long pull from his cigarette and angles the smoke toward the window. He avoids downtown and all that traffic, choosing instead to wind through the empty streets curving toward the San Bernadino mountains. 

“Are you gonna call him?” 

He sighs. Already his cigarette is nearly gone. 

“And say what?” 

“I don’t know. Sometimes people just need to hear they’re gonna be okay. And it means something coming from you.” 

He scoffs. The cigarette is done, and he scrubs it against the heel of his shoe before flicking it out the window. 

“You don’t think he listens to you?”

“If he listened to me he’d leave that asscrack of a town.”

You shrug, slumping down in your seat. 

“Leaving your home can be scary.”

“So fuckin’ what? Shit gets scary, do it anyway.”

You can’t help laughing. 

“I knew it, I knew you read that book!”

You can see him start to blush in the cool blue light from the dashboard. You’re talking about the book his therapist recommended the year after moving out of Hawkins. Do It Scared. He’d insisted he wasn’t interested in reading it, yet here he was quoting it like scripture. Your teasing gets to him, and he retaliates by jamming his fingers into the ticklish spot on your side. You’re forced against the door where you can’t wiggle out of his reach. Instantly you’re apologizing, begging for him to stop through painfully uncontrollable laughter. 

He’s smiling when he relents, satisfied to have taken his revenge. You settle back in your seat with a sigh. Followed by a yawn. 

“There it is,” he says, affection softening his tone. 

He brings your hand to his mouth again. Each of your fingers gets a turn against his lips. You watch him, taking in the details of his profile. You've looked at him so many times you've completely lost count, but every time you do it feels new. You discover something in the beauty of him that makes you realize again how much you want him nearby. This time, you watch his careful gaze as he looks out onto the road ahead. His lashes, tail lights shining into ocean blue. He’s worrying. 

“Anyway. Not everyone can just barrel through stuff. He’s scared and he could use a call from you.” 

“Alright, alright. I’ll check on the little dweeb. Happy?”

“Very,” you answer with a sleepy smile. 

You find yourselves far from home, wondering on and on as the hours roll by. You both have class in the morning, but there’s something so comforting about the car and the darkened streets. You waste time, long stretches of it going by without a word spoken between you. Not much needs to be said in company as familiar as this. You’re able to be together, letting go your tensions with every new scratch of mile. Drowsy and quiet until sunrise. 

[hotluncheddie]

💕🪱Wiggly Wednesday🪱💕

ty for tagging me: @runninriot @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @whimsicalwadewinstonwilson @someforeignband <3

I’ve had these worm thoughts for a while but I dunno if I'll turn it into anything. Think bc of the nuance that I would need to put in it. <|:3

But basically! I’m thinking about autistic Steve again. My lovely lovely high masking autistic Steve. Who struggles to ask for help and struggles with how much he’s allowed to share, struggles to look after himself and is still learning about his needs and his desires.

Thinking about how he’s so good at following rules, because most of the time that genuinely makes the most sense to him. It’s how he navigates the world, how he’s built his mask and scripts. How he’s kept his secrets, kept himself safe.

As long as he’s not effecting anyone else, he doesn’t need them knowing the rules he’s made, the ones he breaks and why - what that might mean. So it can be to his detriment, it can be to people please, it can be a way for him to ignore himself. But they’re also a part of him, an important part; they're all he’s ever known.

But what makes it complicated is thinking about all of that, in the context of navigating a d/s dynamic. With Eddie and him exploring that part of their sex life a little.

Because, thing is, Eddie knows how good Steve is at following rules, how willing and eager he is to be good. But Eddie’s doesn’t want to hurt him. So they would both have a lot to learn, about each other, and about communicating.

- So maybe it starts as:

‘What do you think baby? Would that be hot, you’re not allowed to cum unless it’s with my permission?’ Eddie asks, kissing over Steve’s stomach, looking up at him all sprawled out and cozy on his bed.

Steve traces the line of Eddie’s nose, lips pouting in thought. ‘Like we did the other day?’

‘Kind of, but more like, when I’m not there too. You have to wait until the next time you see me.’

Steve liked what they did the other night, Eddie going slow, teasing him a little. Telling him when to touch and when to stop and when to finish is a slow syrupy haze.

But, if Eddie’s not there. He usually likes to touch himself before bed, to help him sleep. Pretty much every night. Like, like a routine…

(And that’s the thing. Working through Steve asking for things he needs, understanding that some changes could be for his benefit. Never meant to be to his detriment. What that means for his masks and scripts and taking real care of himself. To let Eddie into the world of his rules and maybe let him make some of his own - that requires a lot of honesty, and that's scary.)

- And so maybe there's a bit of angst, some hard talks and hard truths, but then maybe it shifts into something with a bit of comfort, like:

‘How about this, we can try rules, but things that are about taking care of yourself, and we don’t have to do punishments. It’s more, like, I want you to tell me when you’re struggling Stevie, and maybe this will be something that can help.’ Eddie says, pulling Steve’s hand into his lap, connecting them.

‘You like how showering feels right? You said it makes you feel good?' Eddie waits for Steve's nod. 'Ok, so I want you to shower for me, each night, it can be quick and the same as your always do it, same with your hair.’ Eddie continues, tucking a lock behind Steve’s ear. Steve curls toward him, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his head in Eddie’s shoulder. Not looking, but listening.

‘And it might help, you know, if you think you can’t do it but remember that Daddy’s rooting for you, yeah?’ Eddie drops his voice, speaking softly into Steve ear. ‘Daddy knows his baby likes to shower and brush his teeth before bed so that’s what I want baby to do okay?’ Eddie asks, smile blooming sweet and cocky on his face as Steve squirms, shifting himself closer, throwing a thigh over Eddie’s and seating himself in his lap. That word always makes Steve feel a little crazy. Makes him feel gooey and loved.

‘But, and this is the important part baby, if you can’t, if it’s too hard, I want you to call me okay?’ Eddie asks, linking their fingers again and looking Steve in the face, waiting for his small nod.

‘And you don’t have to use that word when you call, if you just want to call me Eddie, that’s perfect too. Or if you call and say it’s a bad night and can’t get any more words out that’s fine. I just need you to call me yeah? That’s your rule. Okay Stevie?’ Eddie finishes, shaking their joined hands and smiling when Steve gets out a little ‘okay’, looking Eddie in the eyes for a flash, smiling, leaning into Eddie’s arms, moving closer for a kiss, and another, and another.

yeah! Just ideas!! Maybe I’ll write it all down one day, but maybe not. Hehehe.

✨Tagginggggg✨ : @scoops-aboy86 @pearynice @steviewashere @devondespresso @marvel-ous-m

@wynnyfryd @wheneverfeasible @thefreakandthehair

[nynyhaha]

Phantom Troupe - failed robinhoods?

As the new chapters told us,the Spiders started out as a revenge based organisation. That’s also what made them the way they are now.

But no one talks about the huge responsibility they have to carry to help their whole town.

Kurapika’s task for instance is to avenge the dead rather than changing the world to better treat the living. He doesn’t have a community whose situation he is concerned with. It’s tragic,but in a way that limits his responsibility. Leorio wants to treat people for free and actually addresses a bigger societal problem that was born out of a personal one.

The phantom troupe are very much concerned with avenging specific people,but they work on utilitarian principles. They’re ready to sacrifice themselves for the whole of Meteor City,so that no kids will be kidnapped again

For that they’re ready to throw away their own morals. Because kid Chrollo isn’t yet evil. He can’t think the same way adult Chrollo does,he’s not hat capable of committing a massacre but he already knows he will kill many people,without really understanding what that means. If you were to say something like this,would you know what it means? I wouldn’t. So in short,they’d chose to pull the lever and sacrifice one person for the five.(Unless it’s up to Paku and Chrollo is the one person)

If this wasn’t a revenge mission,what would it be?

Meteor City needs two things, protection and material goods.

Before the Troupe gained sufficient strength to have a say, the elders made a deal that exchanged people for the mafias “protection”. It seems heavily implied that the very same mafia who agreed to protect them was the one behind the kidnappings to begin with,they just exchanged children for adults.

In chapter 105 Leorio says the following:

Many years after the original deal,there was a second one, but this time the mafia offered goods. Why couldn’t they kept the “protection” deal?

Because the City no longer needed protection. Something must’ve happened for the mafia to take a step back and actually pay Meteor City rather than just not stealing their kids.

See how it’s a forced decision?

And the Troupe abolished even that.

Not only did the Spider scare off the criminals terrorising their town,they also put a stop to the mafia buying Meteor City’s loyalty.

Maybe it’s already pointed out by someone,but we need to talk about that more!

Suddenly their quest to steal makes much more sense. They’re not only scary guard dogs,but providers. It simply can’t be argued that the Troupe’s existence has no positive effects,when it changes everything for Meteor City!

Why then are they “failed” robinhoods? Because while they’re effective,they can’t change the world. They can only scare off the Mafia while they exist,should the Spider die it could all revert back. And also because they can’t help everybody. The cost of their constructive ends is destruction.

While I believe the Kurta clan massacre had other reasons,would it not be the perfect way to show the elders the Troupe is both capable of cruelty for the sake of their community and fit to provide money? “Oh you think you need the Mafia? Watch this.”

In that way they wouldn’t even need to hate the clan,it would merely be killing outsider children for the sake of Meteorian children.

It perfectly shows how trying to achieve radical change in an unfair world can drive one to insanity. “Robinhoods” seem noble. The work that the Troupe does can’t be noble. Just like Kurapika’s quest isn’t righteous,as much as he wishes it was.

Wanting safety for the kids of Meteor City is natural,but it seems unattainable.

Is the thesis here that you can’t help Meteor City without killing someone? Yes. It doesn’t mean killing the kurtas,but it means killing the Mafia. And killing the Mafia often= normalisation of killing. The more often you do it the easier it is,and the lesser justification is required. Eventually,that means killing the Kurtas.

The idea is that they couldn’t keep doing what they did without eroding their morals to the point they’re at now.

They can’t remain pure. But they have to do something.

Meteor City seems like an unsolvable tragedy. It’s sucks up all the misery and filth of the world, and while it’s supposed to represent hope and be a safe place for all the lost,that’s an unattainable ideal.

There will always be people in need is such a place. It’s like the shadow of the World, which is the actual problem. Meteor City is everything that is right and wrong with humanity.

And the saddest part? Any state of peace is fragile. ALL of the Troupe’s achievements might be lost once it’s gone.

So it really was all for nothing? And how is Chrollo supposed to keep caring about human lives back at home when he has ended countless lives himself? How can he feel any attachment to humanity when he uses bodies as bombs and sees himself as a worthless hostage?

If he doesn’t feel it tho..what’s even the point? No wonder bro is lost

[cursedonyx]

Hogwarts Legacy Characters React to Being in a Haunted House Attraction

Sebastian Sallow

This boy doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. Not in the sense of ghosties and ghoulies, anyway. He’s more frightened of things that can actually hurt, like Anne’s curse and Solomon’s abuse. Considering he willingly sought out tombs and catacombs to explore that are full of inferi, a haunted house is a walk in the park for this ballsy lad. He might jump if a scare actor pops up but then he’ll laugh and tell them ‘you got me!’ He treats the whole thing as a game and relishes any puzzles he comes across. He’s most often found joking with Ominis about everything, but this is partly because he's extremely protective of his best friend. Even though he knows he’s more than capable, he’ll keep an eye on him all the same.

Sebastian absolutely wants to go again the second he’s out, and might complain if he’s not allowed.

Ominis Gaunt

Shockingly, none of the visual scares work on our prince of snakes, and he soon gets used to the cacophony of spooky noises that surround him, they don’t bother him. He does find it a bit disorienting if there’s a lot of noise, and though he complains that he’s bored or finds it pointless, a very well-placed sound-effect will have him leap Scooby-Doo style into the closest person’s arms. He’s grossed out if he has to touch anything nasty and will avoid it at all costs. Everyone follows him through the hall of mirrors because to him, it’s just a hall.

He does end up enjoying it more than he’ll admit out loud, because after growing up in the house he did, what true fear can be found in a haunted house? It’s nice to be scared safely around his friends.

Garreth Weasley

Similarly to Sebastian, Garreth has a good time in haunted houses, but he’s very easily startled or spooked. He’s the first to scream at a jumpscare and he’s absolutely terrified of anything resembling a scary white lady with long black hair. He can and will bolt if he sees this. To cover his nerves, he makes loud, crass jokes and puns, which will either help calm everyone down or piss them off.

He and Sebastian might get into a dick-swinging contest about who’s the least scared, but when Seb suggests they go through alone, Garreth is not keen, but he’ll do it if he’s sufficiently egged-on, and he will shit bricks. It’s harder to be brave when there’s no one to show off for.

Leander Prewett

Leander is the type to boast about how ‘not scary’ these types of attractions are when he’s in the queue, but the moment he’s inside, he’s holding onto Garreth’s hand for dear life and more often than not is hiding his face in the back of Garreth’s shirt. Credit to him, he’ll go through the whole haunted house, but it’ll take a lot for him to actually feel brave enough to peek at his surroundings. He’ll probably regret it, because with Leander’s luck, he’s going to come face to face with something terrifying. The only time he’ll not cling onto Garreth like a life-raft is if he’s in there with people who are more frightened than he is – seeing other people more scared than him brings out the true Gryffindor bravery in him and he’ll lead them through, even if he needs a very strong drink afterwards.

Amit Thakkar

Perhaps surprisingly, Amit loves haunted houses. He knows they’re all pretend and are full of actors, not actual things trying to kill him, so to him they’re very much a game, a way to experience danger without actually being in danger. He’ll still shriek like a banshee at every little thing and might even run away at times, but the only thing he’ll outright refuse to do is crawl through a small space. He’ll have to be immobilised and pulled through if the group comes across one, because he absolutely will not do it under his own steam.

Andrew Larson

He’s a nervous giggler, and is cackling pretty much all the way through. He feels safest if he can hold onto someone and will probably form a chain with Garreth and Leander. That said, he’s not above taking advantage of how unnerved everyone is and he might try a few of his own scares, like running his fingers over the back of someone’s neck and pretending he didn’t, or blowing puffs of air on someone. He’s not particularly subtle and will probably be caught out quite quickly, but he’s such a sweetheart that everyone forgives him.

Duncan Hobhouse

Similarly to Leander, Duncan will boast to everyone that haunted houses don’t scare him, but he’ll only boast about that when there’s no chance of him being within fifty miles of one. He’ll come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid going, but if he’s forced, he’s going to be bawling from the moment he sets foot inside. Chances are he won’t make it to the end and has to be rescued by the staff before he has a full-on meltdown. Ominis, naturally, will take every opportunity to scare him more and make him leave so he can enjoy the rest of the attraction in relative peace. One could term this cruel, if it wasn’t for the fact that Duncan had been planning to do the exact same thing but meaner to Ominis until his cowardice got the better of him.

Natsai Onai

Natty can take or leave a hunted house. She enjoys the experience, but she’s had one too many scares in her life to take any real enjoyment out of being deliberately scared for fun. What she likes is the camaraderie with her friends as they all go through together, and she’ll be the first to make fun of herself for screaming at a spider when an axe-wielding maniac is chasing them down a hallway.

She’s also a bit of a mum-friend – if someone’s really struggling, she’ll do her best to comfort them and show them that haunted houses aren’t that scary, so she’ll probably be part of the chain with Garreth, Leander and Andrew. She’ll hum nursery-rhymes from her childhood when she gets nervous, and the others find this both endearing and comforting.

Poppy Sweeting

This little hellion will scare the actors. Poppy is a feral nutbucket and she delights in the chaos of the average haunted house. She will happy charge ahead by herself, shriek and wail at the actors to make them back off then go running back to the group with a huge grin on her face. On occasion, Garreth might pick her up and point her at something particularly scary, like a whirling-limbs-shield.

Poppy’s laughter is genuine in a haunted house. She loves the décor, the aesthetic, and the efforts the actors put in, and her enthusiasm is infectious. She and Sebastian will probably run off ahead together at some point, find some masks or bandages, then jump out and scare their friends.

She will actively try to save any real spiders she finds, and chances are her pockets will be full of them when she leaves.

Imelda Rayes

Imelda will probably affect great boredom going through a haunted house, complaining loudly about how dull everything is. She’s got a keen eye and great reactions, so she’ll probably spot a scare coming a mile off, most of the time. A skeleton would pop out and she’d yawn and go ‘seen it before!’ but then she’d turn around and come face to face with a scare she wasn’t expecting and scream the place down. Being used to yelling across a quidditch pitch, Imelda’s screams are quite something to behold, and Ominis learns very quickly not to stand too close to her for fear of going deaf.

Once out, Imelda will be the one giving a blow-by-blow of what happened inside, laughing with everyone about which bits scared whom and doing impressions of everyone’s reactions.

Masterlist

[solargeist]

I love that you went from the watchers being this mildly terrifying force that doesn’t realize they’re terrifying (and traumatizing Grian) side eyeing that one 3L comic you made about the watchers making it a “game” for Grian (still very much thinking about the “yaaaaay you won!”) to now Oh My Gosh A Tiny Being Can We Adopt Him pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

ehehe i was trying to get my footing !! I think I have a grasp now on how I like writing them now ....

However !! The Watchers still very much traumatize Grian, even though they genuinely do love him, I've said that since the beginning, thats their babeyyyyyyyy Watcher, but still a Watcher nonetheless.

Aethers not exactly excused from this either, she loves him and cares abt him, but shes an angel, she just doesn't understand. She has an issue with..... Toxic positivity ? Shes not very confrontational and doesn't want to have hard conversations with him, its easier to hide things or just comfort him by rubbing his back or hair when hes upset. When Grian asks to visit Evo again early on, she already knows all the players have left, but lets him see for himself anyway. Its like when a kid begs to eat something like cocoa powder, not understanding how bitter it is, so you just let them. So its not a big deal to her, but is to Grian, its the horrifying realization that he is completely alone, all of his friends left, he feels abandoned and betrayed. All good things must come to an end though, she says, nothing lasts forever, except us ! haha !

Not to mention the purposeful sleep deprivation and isolation, the full control over what he eats, where he goes, what he does. Its not very fun being a kid, its hard and no one understands.

Aether didn't originally want to be a parent, nor was she exactly ready for that, so she just did a lot of things that were normal to her, what she went through or what other Watchers had told her. But ! She does care abt him, enough to bend the rules just a tinyyy bittttt sometimes bc ~technically shes allowed to since he's her kid, yes he can go home if he has a headache or eat fish if he asks for it wym.

Theres also Flora, his aunt, she has no interest in kids and sees Grian just as a Watcher in training, this means she's a lot harder on him, but bc he's her sister's kid she doesn't act on this all the time. She also projects her own issues on him, how can you survive or do anything in life if you're not strong ? Here fight this phantom creature you've literally never seen before. Thats as far as their relationship goes, she teaches him to fight. She pets his head sometimes anyway. (kind of like how parents will sometimes force their kids to play sports, or take extra classes, or get frustrated with you over math and you cry over disappointing them)

I don't think the Watchers are intentionally evil, but I don't think they're goofy dumb birds with baby fever either, they're complicated !! There something abt how people who love you can hurt you, and religion can try to save you and it'll doom you instead. (ok they can be a little bit dumb birds sometimes, but they're also righteous angels at the same time)

Its also kinda scary being 25 years old, and then being brought to some place you thought you had equal grounds on, but everyone is taller/stronger and treats you like a child or even a pet, that alone would have some side effects, i imagine.

They're very fun to write abt.

Grian also doesn't often get to see the sun.

[starsurface]

Hai! Hcs for MK1 Baraka with baby regressor? :3 TY!-✨

Hi!! Of course!! There's a lot of things in my other CG Baraka post that are related to babyspace regressor, but these ones are more focused on those. :D

WARNING: Assusion to lost of family, and effects of Tarkat

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

CG Baraka w/ Babyspace Regressor Hcs

🦴 Oh my goodness baby regressors would have such a soft spot for his heart!!! 🥺

🦴 If we ignore canon again, he’s much more of a cuddle bug with a baby regressor than with bigger regressors

🦴 Not that he isn’t affectionate with bigger regressors!! He’s very . . . VERY cuddly with all regressors

🦴 But baby regressors are usually somewhat dependent, and clingy, so why not give them as much attention as they want?

🦴 (^ Again, he’ll do this with ALL regressors!!!)

🦴 But his affection is still limited, even if we ignore that Tarkat is spread by being around it

🦴 He doesn’t have lips, so unfortunally he can’t kiss your forehead :(

🦴 But he can nuzzle your cheek! Or do forehead touches!! :D

🦴 And his arms, and body, are really spikey, so he has to be careful hugging/cuddling you

🦴 But he can wrap you in a soft blankie so he can coddle you!!

🦴 He’s very good wth nonverbal babies!! It takes some time, but he’s getting it down well

🦴 Ugh, babbles :(

🦴 Seriously, he loves babbles, they’re so cute!! And make him very happy that your comfy enough with him to do so

🦴 It’s been a long, long time since he was a Father, so if you need padding, he knows some tricks, but finds it a bit difficult

🦴 But he also knows that his arms are spiky, and he’s terrified about hurting you

🦴 Takardans aren’t in the living scenario, so regressing at your place might be the best scenario

🦴 ^ But his personal hut isn’t the worst either!! And he’ll dedicate an entire area for your regression!!

🦴 Takart is still getting accepted, but that doesn’t mean he won’t try to get you stuff!! Like new bottles, or blankies, or stuffies!! Whatever he can get his hands on!

🦴 I think he’d know how to sew, having to help fix others clothes and such, and would make you a stuffie :3

🦴 He’s very gentle if you regress at camp, as are the other Takartans

🦴 You do stay right next to Papa though, no leaving his side, he’ll just give you a piggy back ride for the entire day if you’d like

🦴 If your a naughty baby, he really doesn’t like punishing you

🦴 If it’s an accident, he’ll redirect you

🦴 But if it’s on purpose, his (accidental) scary voice will put you in place, but he also thinks your too small to be put into a full timeout

🦴 You know what the best soft food to give baby regressors?

🦴 Cake 🎂 (seriously CGs, y’all should give it to them, it’ll make all problems disappear 👀)

🦴 (^ A hint to his MK11 Friendship) but also cake isn’t something often around the Takartan camp, so being able to give it to his baby makes him really happy because he’s giving you a very nice treat <3

🦴 Back onto his voice for a second, it might be a little scary at times, but he’ll try his hardest to soften it, especially if your a more senstive regressor

🦴 But if your a regressor that likes scary things, he’ll try to be more normal, but he’s still cacious of scaring you

🦴 Very protective of you, especially as a baby regressor

🦴 He can’t have you hurt, not at all, he won’t be able to forgive himself if you got hurt

🦴 I think he’d really enjoy rattles

🦴 Whether he rattles it above you, or you rattle it in his face, or just playing with it, he really adores it

🦴 It’s so cute! And your so cute with it!! <3

🦴 Also there’s so many to choose from! :O

🦴 He might not be able to get you a custom paci, but a fun little activity would be getting some small gems or such and decorating it together!!

🦴 You on Papa’s lap, picking out what to put where, him glueing it on 🥺

🦴 He adores his baby, and he’s very happy to be your CG <3

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Baraka seems really cool, I'm glad he got turned into a good person. I never liked the whole way Takartans were treated in Mortal Kombat :\

[cosmicdream222]

hypnotherapy - I know what it is but at the same time I don't. Would a hypnotherapist be able to loke guide us to the void?

It’s a good question but might take a little explaining. So hypnotherapy is kind of an unregulated field. When someone wants to become a doctor, massage therapist, teacher or similar profession, they have to take a set curriculum of classes and become licensed by a federally accredited board, and remain up to date with their licensing and certifications.

When someone wants to become a life coach or hypnotherapist, there is no real standard, no board, no licensing requirements. You don’t even need any kind of professional training or licensing to be a life coach or hypnotherapist (which is kinda scary tbh)

I took a one-year coaching certification course in 2019 so I am “certified” in life & success coaching, EFT, hypnotherapy, NLP, and TIME Techniques - meaning I now have the knowledge to practice these techniques on myself and my friends/family/clients/whatever. But I only learned some basic hypnosis techniques and have a couple of scripts so I could record my own or guide others through it.

I did enjoy my class and I did learn a lot. But it’s kind of a meaningless piece of paper because the entire industry is unregulated, anyone can make their own coaching course and their own methods/techniques and tell people they’re certified in whatever they want. It’s pretty much just a free-for-all.

So all that to say, just because someone is a hypnotherapist doesn’t actually mean they know what they’re doing. They would have to continue their education beyond the basics to learn more advanced techniques and have much more experience.

I was not taught any techniques that would be helpful for entering the void or guiding someone else to it. Since most people in general don’t know about the void state, finding a hypnotherapist who knows about it would most likely be hard to find.

I do really like hypnosis tho and it works well for me, so a couple weeks ago I was looking on YT for a guided hypnosis for the void and I did find one, like only one. “Extra deep hypnosis - into the void”. Although I’m not sure if she knows exactly the power of the void, it’s meant to get you into a deep thoughtless state of relaxation.

I tried it once and she is a very good & skilled hypnotherapist. It is a safe & effective video and I plan on trying it again to enter. But as a warning, her channel has a lot of bizarre NSFW hypnosis videos too, so don’t go looking around her other videos unless you are 18+ and want to be shocked 😂😂

[filthforfriends]

Chapter 4: Comfort

The Sun is the Center of Everything

See Authors Note (CW: Addiction, hard drug use)

Word count: 4.1k

“The label would like to fly you out to London.”

“Do they know we’re broken up?”

“This isn’t for an event. Sony believes that you’re the most effective kind of damage control when it comes to Damiano. They’re probably not wrong.”

“Is he okay?” Already, you’re opening Twitter.

“For now. I think he’s reached a turning point where the drugs are more scary than they are rewarding. If we can just get him into rehab…” In moments of wishful thinking, you’d done some research into rehab programs in Rome. In a moment of poor impulse control you’d stuck Damiano’s name on wait lists, which was no small undertaking. It meant using confidential healthcare information that you knew from the five year relationship. The fact that he hadn’t consented made it not entirely legal, but you justified it as a means to an end.

“The label is willing to refund Damiano for the program, whatever he chooses.” 

“I think the difference might be an Italian-speaking facility.”

“I agree. So you’ll come?”

“Yes,” you wince. This might go horribly and hurt like a motherfucker.  

“Good. Your flight leaves in four hours. The car service will drive you to the hotel. They have a gig tonight.”

“Oh lord.” The chauffeur actually took you straight to the venue, promising to deposit your belongings in your hotel room. You still had your friends and family badge. Wearing it again felt like putting on a costume. The cavernous backstage area was weirdly empty. You had to follow the arrows to the dressing rooms, of which there was an entire hallway. It was unusual that each band member had their own and that none of them were there to greet you. Handlers and security gathered around the entrance to what you assumed was Damiano’s room with crossed arms. You weren’t sure why, until you heard the yelling.

“Shit, he’s gonna shred his voice for tonight.”

“We’re past that point,” someone responds, not even looking at you.

“Just leave him to calm down,” another suggests.

“We need him for soundcheck,” someone else hisses. Many of these staff members were added since the breakup. Luckily, you found Ronnie.

“Hey, staring at him like a zoo animal isn’t helping, no?”

“Oh, hey. Yeah, um…” 

Damiano comes out of either a closet or bathroom, slams the door and bellows, “Why the fuck are you watching me?”

“We don’t know what he has on him or if he’s eaten today.” Damiano slides down with his back against the wall and curls in a ball behind the couch. He’s so defeated and powerless that it shatters your heart into splinters of glass.

“He’s totally dysregulated. Have you offered him food? Water?”

“He’s insisted that he won’t eat,” says another new voice. 

“Get him some pizza from the bougiest place you can find and if he doesn’t eat it, fine. What about his rider?”

“It contained alcohol so we had someone remove it.”

“You removed the whole rider, not just the alcoholic drinks?” You look at Ronnie in astonishment. “Fresh fruit is on his rider because he eats it before a gig. So he has something in his stomach, but it won’t make him sick running around on stage.”

“Right can, uh…can someone get some fresh fruit for Damiano?”

“No citrus, no pineapple,” you add. “Don’t need to douse his vocal chords in citric acid right before a gig. Also throat coat tea and cold compresses to help him calm down. Alkaline water, as well.” You look into the giant dressing room to see if he’s noticed your voice amongst all the others. Dami seems to be in his own little world, and not in a good way. You can’t do this with an audience.

“One more thing, could you just back up a little bit.” You herd the onlookers out of the doorway so you can achieve privacy. “Just a little more, mhm. Okay, great.” Before they realize what you’re doing, you close the doors of the dressing room in their surprised faces. Trying not to startle him, you place a hand on Dami’s back. It smells like he forgot to put on deodorant. Or maybe he was so stressed he sweated through it already.

When that doesn’t elicit a reaction, you rub his back and run your fingernails along his scalp. Dami shivers and looks up in confusion. That was your touch, but how the hell were you here? He’s obviously high, pupils completely blown out. Could phone camera’s catch that on stage? 

“I closed the doors, it’s just me and you here.” He’s still processing, confusion turning into surprise.

“What did you take? Blow and liquor?” He nods sheepishly and avoids your eyes. “What about pills?” Looking sincere, Damiano shakes his head. 

“They sent you here to talk to me?”

“I guess. I’m not here to chastise you, though. It seems like you needed some peace.” You stroke his head, then down his face. Dami leans into you organically. 

“Can we sit on the couch instead of the floor?” As he stands, there's a timid knock on the door. Someone slides a couple trays inside. Fruit and tea on one, ice water water and a stack of cloths on the other.

“Thank you,” you say curtly and lock the door. “Ohh-kay, do you want some tea for your voice?”

“No thank you,” Damiano clears his throat. You wrap the first cold rag on the back of his neck and use the second to softly wash his face, redipping to keep the cloth cold. As much as you’d like to ask questions, it was clear that soothing is what Damiano needed.

“I’m gonna go grab the other tray.” You start eating the fruit yourself, knowing that will encourage Dami, and he takes sips of tea. You exchange the rag on the back of his neck with a fresh one. This is the tipping point. He opens the water bottle, but doesn’t drink. Instead, Damiano reaches towards you, arms around your waist and head in your lap as his face crumples.

“I can’t control it!”

“I know,” you murmur, stroking his flushed complexion.

“I can’t control it and I don’t know what to do,” he cries. “I just want to go home.” How childlike we all are, when worn down to the bone.

“That’s why I’m here, to take you back to Rome after this gig.”

“No, I fucking hate Rome,” he bites.

“Rome is your home.”

“No, you were my home and now whenever I go to Rome I can’t come home.” Closing your eyes, you try to steady yourself, with a few deep breaths, then a few more. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

“I fucked it all up and I’m afraid…it feels like I’m too far gone to turn back.”

“You are not too far gone! People spend years in hard drug addiction and they’re not too far gone. Please, don’t give up on yourself! I haven’t given up on you, not at all.”

“Why not?”

“Because you are right here, right now, acknowledging that this is out of your control.”

“I’m so afraid of getting better because there’s only one direction. If I don’t do it then I’ve failed. If I fail, then I might as well die.”

“No, that’s not true! If you’re alive, then there's always a chance to get better. And if you relapse, you can get clean again.” As you say the words, they sound more like a Hallmark card than a mature piece of advice. Neither of you were equipped to handle this particular moment.

“Then you won’t want me anymore!”

“Yes, I will! My love isn’t that fragile. I am not that fragile. I dealt with your self-destructive alcoholic ass for months before we ended it.”

“I’m never happy. Even the blow doesn’t make me happy, it just keeps me going. The other day I was so close to trying crack, just to see if I would fucking feel something again.

“But you didn’t?”

“No, but I almost –” You lean down and press a long kiss to Dami’s cheek.

“You’ve already started getting sober then. Plus you’ve admitted that you need to get better, that this is all out of your control. Three weeks ago you couldn’t say that. You’re doing good.”

“It feels like it was all for nothing. I burned every bridge to force Sony’s hand in a new contract, and now I’m even more miserable than before. I can’t even enjoy it because I can’t enjoy anything! I’ve driven so many people away and the ones left are other addicts, but they’re all fucking miserable too. I can see them pretending they’re not and its so fucking depressing that sometimes I don’t even want to –”

”Go on,” you whisper horsely, stiller than a granite statue.

“I don’t even want to be alive anymore,” he finally admits. “The entire world thinks I’m a druggie playboy and they’re not wrong. I’ve destroyed all my credibility, every good thing that people thought about me and I’ll never get it all back.”

“I disagree, I think an epic rebrand will be humanizing and make you more lovable than ever. People crave a comeback story.”

“But I never put 100% into getting sober before! I don’t know how to try, what if I’m not good at it?”

“I guarantee you won’t be, which is why you’re going to go to one of the best rehab facilities in Rome. You’re gonna get psychiatric care to treat the why of your addiction so you can stay clean.”

“Come on,” Damiano sits up, face riddled with skepticism. “It takes weeks or months to get into those places.” He starts eating just like you’d predicted.

“That's why you’ve been on half a dozen waitlists for a few months.” Damiano scoffs and catches a grape in his mouth.

“No I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have.”

“How would I –” When he makes the connection, Dami’s mouth falls open in surprise. “You? But you’d need my SSN and fiscal code, right?” You nod with a self-satisfied grin. “Did you steal my identity, y/n?”

“For your own good.” He shakes his head in mock disapproval, but gives it away with a poorly suppressed smile. “I secured a spot for you before I got on the plane.” Secured was a nice way of saying frantically called and pathetically begged until I got a yes. His face falls.

“What? Do you really hate Rome that much? I’ll visit you.”

“No, no…I was just hoping for an excuse to stop by the apartment for a night.”

“When you get out, you’ll make me dinner and meet Cheeto, okay?”

“I’d love that. We’ll have– ‘scuse me.” He makes a face then bolts to the bathroom. Damiano turns on the faucet and fan, but you can guess the sound he’s concealing. Giving him a few minutes before checking in, you snoop through all his stuff. In the bottom of his box of cigarettes is a mostly empty dime bag of white powder that you almost missed. There’s also a pill case at the bottom of his purse which has coke in it, too. You feel silly after checking the room itself for drugs, as if Damiano wasn’t taping heroin to the underside of the sickly-green velvet couch.

“Babe?” Oops. “Dami, I’m coming in okay. In sickness and in health.” He’s sitting on the floor in the corner, panting, face scrunched in pain. You retrieve the water and cold compress tray.

“You really can’t keep anything down?” He shakes his head, obviously exhausted. “I’m so sorry. I know that cocaine can be hard on your stomach.”

“My own fault,” he winces.

“Yeah, but I still hate seeing you suffer.” You sit down on the floor beside Dami and pull his legs across your lap. Naturally, his head rests on your shoulder. You rub his back for a while, wiping it down with a cold cloth first.

“That's nice,” he whispers.

“Mhm.” You make a fresh one to wipe the sweat from his face. Then you take an ice cube and run it across the top of Dami’s chest to stimulate the vagus nerve. His breathing starts to slow and he leans into you more.

“I really miss this.”

“Affection?”

“Comfort. Everyone is…exhausted with me.” Not knowing what to say, you wrap one arm around Dami, set the other hand above his knee, then rock back and forth. For a few more minutes, you sit in silence on the hard tiles of the bathroom floor, just being together.

“Okay, I’m about to fall asleep, which means I need to get ready.” With a grunt, Damiano stands upright, then pulls you up after him. “Thank you, my lo – sweet – y/n.”

“Smooth.”

“Mm, thanks,” he cringes, walking up to the sink. He picks up a travel toothbrush and fresh tube of toothpaste that someone had already left there, prepared for this moment. You unlock the door and peek your head out to find Ronnie leaning his back against the opposite wall. 

“Hey is he, is he gonna do the show?”

“Yeah, can you get us tickets back to Rome as soon as possible? His place is being held at a facility that does 24/7 intake.”

“Like right after the gig?”

“Yeah, I don’t feel comfortable taking care of him overnight. He needs people who know what they’re doing.”

“So he agreed to rehab. How’d you get him in?” 

“Uh, name dropped,” you shrug, trying not to overcompensate. “So by the end of the show we’ll need a car ready with all our luggage, plus a change of clothes for Dam.

“Something inconspicuous. There’ll be a car waiting when you land, of course.”

“What if Twitter finds out we’re traveling?” Fans wanting a picture was inconvenient, but paparazzi wanting a story were truly the worst ever.

“Security will be there as soon as you deplane. We’ll keep this need to know.”

“‘Kay because he can’t handle any stress. I’ll need an ETA before we take off to give the facility and um…I don’t want him to get arrested for drug possession.”

“Damiano never puts drugs in his luggage, he always keeps them on his person.” You can already feel the nerves of walking by drug sniffing K-9s, hoping to god that there isn’t any significant residue in the bottom of his pant’s pocket.

“So we’re depending on the addict to be rational, thorough, and honest in the process of throwing all his drugs out? Really?”

“He’s good about not taking stuff through TSA. We wipe everything down. There's a system and we haven’t been caught yet.”

“And as great as that is –”

“Y/n,” Ronnie takes both your hands in his own. “Neither of you will end up in English prison tonight, I promise.” The lingering skepticism is written all over your face. “I promise,” he insists. 

Damiano acts the very same before going on stage. He smokes a cigarette and bounces in place to mitigate his own adrenaline.You always stand with him in this moment, rubbing his arms and reminding Dami to be gentle while stretching his neck. It’s comforting to see the band comradery persist now that they’ve come together. There's fist bumps, plus Thomas and Victoria threatening to ruin the other’s performance. Mia is joking along with them, cheeks flushed and her top inside out. Tom keeps a hand on the neck of his guitar so it doesn’t hit her.

At this moment, you’d kiss Dami good luck, having to get on your tiptoes because of his stage shoes. Today you slink into the shadows and see him take a breath from an oxygen canister. Their stage manager counts down from ten while shining a flashlight at the floor, so no one trips on a wire or seam in the stage. You can see him put the persona on, then drop the cigarette on the floor and stamp it out. If you were beside him, Dami would take a final puff and hand it over for you to finish. 

Ethan goes on stage first, then the rest of them. The audience releases a wall of sound and the unhinged screaming only intensifies as the lights go up. You can barely hear Ethan’s sticks click as he counts the band in. Mia cheers with the crowd, in case Thomas looks back. They never look back, but you both did it anyway. Just in case. She begins walking towards the audience exit. It was easiest to slip in front of the barricade unnoticed at the beginning because of the hysteria. You feel the tug in your chest to go with her, sing the lyrics to songs that Damiano had shown you first. 

“Y/n! Oh my god!!” It's jarring to be noticed in real time since you feel so stuck in memories.

“Mia, hey!” You try to match her enthusiasm. “Looks like you’re having fun.” You flick the tag of her blouse as she comes in for the hug.

“Yeah, this venue is huge!” She doesn’t pick up the reference, but enthusiastically agrees anyway. Her and Thomas were both like that: sunny.

“I see you made use of the space.” Mia finally looks down.

“Oh shit! We weren’t sure how long the show was delayed, but Tom thought we had more time to, you know, finish. I wouldn’t touch his guitar if I were you.”

“Ew! You guys are disgusting, I’m so happy for you.” 

“Yeah, thank you!” she laughs. “Let me just...” Mia ducks into Thomas’ dressing room and fixes her top. “So, c’mon let’s go watch.”

“I, um…We’re not back together.”

“Okay, but I’m sure Dam would love to see you out there.”

“I can’t be filmed or photographed today. Also if you could not tell anyone that I’m here?”

“Uh, sure,” she’s put off, torn between staying backstage with you and watching the show.

“But, you go ahead! I have a ton of work stuff anyway, so I’m actually gonna be busy.” A total lie, but Mia isn’t the type to question the authenticity of a friend.

“Oh, okay! Love ya, good luck!” She pulls you in for a goodbye side hug, and practically skips down the hall. Was Damiano expecting to see you in front of the barricade? He probably hadn’t thought about the social media and paparazzi component, which meant he’d be disappointed. This realization didn’t change anything, it just made you miserable. 

Except for the roadies, it's just you backstage. The actual concert was their time off, since they began hauling gear in total darkness as soon as the band finished. Despite how labor intensive their jobs were, the crew was in good spirits, their laughter echoing down the hall. They wore all black with tattoos scribbled on their forearms and cursed as much as possible. You consider saying hi, but this is no longer your space. It'd be like walking into your childhood bedroom with the Justin Bieber posters, hot pink bedspread, and tinkerbell night light still intact. You were visiting a past life, like a ghost.

While Thomas opens the encore with his solo, Dami runs back to his dressing room. You know that his body has become dependent on coke to get through a show and that if he stops now, he’ll crash before you can hand him off to the professionals. Still, it's awkward for both parties. Damiano pulls the pill case from his purse and looks at you with a pained expression.

“I…can’t do this while you’re watching.”

“Right, okay.” You stand up and gesture towards the door. “So I’ll just…”

“No, no, you shouldn’t have to leave. I’ll just go in the bathroom.” Dami closes the door halfway and hesitates because that seems a bit excessive.

“Are you gonna shove it up your ass or?” Dami’s laughter bounces off of the tiles.

“No, I only do that on certain occasions.”

“Like a birthday special?”

“Exactly.” You can hear the tap of something plastic against the porcelain sink. “Can you tell me you’re disappointed in me or something? This feels wrong.” You try to come up with something to say, but end up blanking.

“You are…a very bad boy.”

“Kinky.”

“Ugh, I’m trying! Disappointing…your behavior is disappointing. You are too grown not to know better. Refusing to acknowledge a problem exists is…counter productive to healing. You need to prioritize healing because nobody can do that for you. You have –”

“Okay, done!”

“Thank god.”

“See you in 15!” You walk around the kitchen collecting possibly useful supplies for the car ride, plus the pizza box with Dami’s name on it. The chauffeur walks down the hall with Damiano’s clothes in a garment bag.

“Your flight departs in two hours and 41 minutes,” he says in a professional tone. “Shall I take that to the car?”

“Huh?” Oh, thank you.” The jitters have already started to set in. “And has Damiano’s luggage been inspected?”

“Inspected, ma’am?”

“Yes, has someone on their team looked through it?”

“His luggage was packed by a member of their staff, although I am not sure if they inspected it in the process. Should I ask?”

“Yes, please.” He walks away looking bewildered. You hear the final scream of the concert and try to locate Damiano through the rush of activity backstage. Each band member walks towards the dressing rooms with a towel in hand, drying the sweat from their faces. Dami is exhausted, but he smiles wide when he sees you.

“Hey, were you out there?” 

“No, I didn’t want to get mobbed when those photos hit Twitter.”

“Ah, smart.” He’s still disappointed.

“I’m sorry, but I need you to hurry up and shower. There's a change of clothes hanging in the bathroom. Also I made a cup of baking soda and water for your stomach. Our flight leaves in two and a half hours.”

“Jesus.” He pulls his shirt off while walking into the dressing room, the muscles of his slick back rippling. For a moment you’re very distracted with memories of digging your fingernails into that back while he fucked you to overstimulation. Or when you’d peg him from behind, cupping his balls in the palm of your hand, lips to the nape of his neck. Damiano made the most beautiful sounds when he bottomed. So whiny and demanding.

“Y/n? Y/n?”

“Huh?”

“I was saying it's so nice to see you,” Victoria panted. Ethan agrees behind her.

“Yes, you look well.” His formal way of speaking had endeared you from the very first meeting. Tom is nowhere to be found, probably finishing what he and Mia started before the gig.

“Oh uh, thanks. Sorry, I’m distracted. Our flight is…soon. Too soon.”

“Like tonight?” Victoria exclaims, pulling her own shirt off. She was bare breasted and unapologetic as per usual.

“Yeah, I guess the sooner, the better.”

“So he’s really going? Of his own volition?” 

“Mhm! He’ll be in the facility by breakfast tomorrow.” 

“Oh my god, that's amazing,” Ethan lets out a huge sigh of relief and Vic grins.

“I’d hug you if I wasn’t disgusting.”

“Well, that’d just give me a boner,” you deadpan. Nobody loved raunchy, flirtatious humor like Victoria.

“Ooh, well since you and Dam are on a break…” She wiggles her eyebrows and shimmies closer, sauntering around you with a provocative expression. Meanwhile, Ethan is silently laughing with his eyes scrunched. It's enough to evoke a genuine smile, but also your heart aches for the months you’d missed with these dumbasses.

“Since he’s busy, do you want me to show you what it’s supposed to feel like?” She gives an over exaggerated wink. There had been a strictly no band members policy in your non-monogamy.

“I heard that! Keep your paws off of her, Vic!!” Dami yells from the bathroom.

“Ugh, fine!” She gives your ass a robust slap before disappearing into her dressing room. Your understanding was that “on a break” and broken up were vastly different things, even though phonetics would suggest otherwise. Had Damiano lied or were you reading too much into it? And why did it make you so happy? Before you can get caught in a hell cycle of intrusive thoughts, Ronnie walks up and hugs you. 

“I’m really glad you came,” he admits, pulling away. Your arms hang limply by your sides in surprise. Ronnie wasn’t the hugging type or the emotional type, but his eyes are glassy. It throws you off guard even further.

“You okay?”

“What? Yeah.” He clears his throat roughly. “And we checked everything twice. Someone is currently wiping out Damiano’s purse, just for you.” 

“We can’t all be rock ‘n roll. Some of us have to be anal as fuck.”

“Agreed. I just wanted to wish you luck.” He gives a tight lipped smile and continues down the hall.

“Am I gonna need it?”

“Hopefully not,” he yells over his shoulder.

“Very reassuring, thanks.”

Notes: This is queue. I am currently camping because today is the anniversary of my grandmother's death. Taglist will be updated when I return. Thank you for reading, I promise it gets way less depressing really soon.

-XOXO Eden

Taglist (or taglist removal)

Masterlist

@surelyfreedombound @shinshans @lonnybunnys @davianos-blog @hauntedpostperson @lizzylynch1 @kammerstx@harryssshouseee @slavicgoddess13 @persona1read1ng@katyldamusic @whore4damia @the-chaotic-cow@icarodamiano @gr8rainbowpunk@elvirabelle@bright-shiningstar@maneslut @stardustingold @little-moonbeam-666@que--sera--sera

[madame-mortician]

Early “Review” ig of Rush Week

So first of all, it’s bugged completely. They fixed the lobbies about 10 minutes ago, but for the first two hours you were lucky to get into a single match, and lobbies were lasting ages + the penalty for leaving a lobby early was bugged and would last longer than 3 minutes. Again, it’s fixed now but that’s super annoying.

Another bug is the lighting. The sorority girls hair shows up completely textureless and white, the actual lighting itself is so bright it looks like everybody has a maximum brightness spotlight pointed at them. This also applies to the regular mode but without the white hair.

The audio is fucked. First of all, the opening cutscene has no audio except for the girl screaming and it’s so jarring. Johnny is completely silent, the car is silent, the door is silent, the radio is silent, there’s no background music at all, it’s just bleh. Obviously this is a bug but it’s so off-putting.

Continuing on from my last point, I’m pretty sure the in-game audio is bugged too. The girls do have voice lines and screaming sounds, and Johnny does have his exhausted and groaning sounds but Johnny has no normal voice lines and the sorority girls make no noise when they’re being killed. They’re 100% supposed to be screaming but they’re silent for some reason. Johnny having no voice lines I’m not even sure is a bug. I hope it is, because it is jarring with Johnny staying completely silent all game, especially since the VA posted on Twitter about recording new lines. I can’t hear them at all because of the audio bug. It also inadvertently makes the game harder for the girls because you cannot hear Johnny coming at all, unless you have the radius go off (and even that disappears after he gets a single kill.)

Ignoring the bugs that will likely get fixed soon, how does the rest of the game fair? Well on a positive note the vibes are immaculate. The gameplay has the aesthetics of Black Christmas and Halloween combined and it works so nice as a love letter to slasher/giallo.

The game is actually somewhat scary, since Johnny can very easily kill you. It only takes 2 hits to die, and because there’s no skill tree or perks, you can’t do anything about this. Every girl plays the same which is both a good thing and a bad thing. It doesn’t make it very unique, but it does mean the 6 girls can’t gang up and bully the 1 killer.

Speaking of, you can’t queue up with friends, which is lame. I kinda understood it when the game mode was first teased because 6 friends on comms against 1 poor killer would be unbalanced, but the killer is so strong he can basically instakill everybody so even if you were playing with friends it’s not like you could effectively bully Johnny. I guess you could rush together but that’s not the same.

Anyways, another complaint I have is the lack of actual story. I’ve always praised the TCM game for its incredible lore and how it ties into the films, and a game mode focused on one of the games original characters being uniquely different to TCM in general was interesting. The only “lore” we get is that Johnny continued killing college girls, which we already knew because he was doing it before TCM. I’m hoping the bugged voice lines actually include any lore at all, even if it’s something as simple as Johnny getting annoyed that Sally survived and the Slaughter Family had to go into hiding.

Another thing with the lore (or lack thereof) is that the girls have no names, no character nothing. They don’t matter in the slightest, and I understand they’re simply victims for this game mode and giving them actual characteristics would mean they’d be a part of the bigger lore, but like… Even the Friday the 13th game, that had basically no lore, gave their counsellors names, and tiny lore (like two counsellors dating.) Here we get nothing, no names, no lore, just a sorority house name.

We also don’t even know what the fuck is really going on. Johnny just sneaks into a house and starts killing everybody for shits and giggles. I get he’s a serial killer but why did he do that? There’s 6 girls running around a huge mansion, he could’ve gone and killed literally anybody else. It’s also funny because whenever the police are called he just leaves lmao.

The gameplay is so lazy in my opinion. The perfume is just Virginia’s powder, the knife is just a less useful bone scrap, and the unlock tools are futile. There’s like, two times you want to use the unlock tool, once for the fuse and once for the basement door, both are not mandatory.

Going back to the lack of stats, I feel this was a wrong move. They should’ve made it like F13, where every character had set stats you couldn’t change, that way it’s still fair but also unique.

TL;DR: The game mode is buggy, it adds nothing to the story, and plays like a less fun, lazy rehash of Friday the 13th and TCM, but the aesthetics are nice.

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Main Story Season 5 Finale ‘Owner’s Order’ - Part 4

Part 3

Chapter 12

-secluded street-

sotetsu: Oh, you got here before me. My bad for being late.

kasumi: I don't mind, it's only natural for a background character like me to arrive first. Though, for you to want to meet me out here must mean it's about something you can't say at Starless, right?

sotetsu: It's about your private life. Not exactly something I can just spring on you in front of other people. I mean, you don’t want anyone else to know about your little sister, do you?

kasumi: …!

sotetsu: I may have obtained some information on her. She's alive, that much is for certain. However I don't know her location.

kasumi: …Where did you obtain this information?

sotetsu: I get that you can’t trust me. That's why I’m just relaying the info to you, I don't care either way and I’m not planning to look into it any further. But just keeping it to myself would leave a bad taste in my mouth, we're both work colleagues who joined at the same time after all. I got in contact with a new information broker after winning a little bet. They’re involved in that field if you catch my drift.

kasumi: That field, huh…

sotetsu: It's not an information pipeline I can use often, but it's a trustworthy source, I swear.

kasumi: What do you want me to do?

sotetsu: For now, nothing. When the time comes I’ll contact you.

kasumi: Fine. I’ll be ready for whenever that is then.

sotetsu: Another successful deal done and dusted.

–end

(note: after sotetsu mentions his sister, kasumi speaks seriously and without his usual speech quirks)

-

Chapter 12 SideA

-rehearsal room-

akira: Wh– What do you want? Don't just drag me around! Oi, Mokuren!

mokuren: ……

-mokuren releases him-

akira: Woah! 

-akira falls over-

akira: Ouch… Don't just throw me on the floor like garbage.

mokuren: Sing.

akira: I have been. My vocal chords are tired following a performance, give me a break here~ Aren't you being a bit too violent? Saki-chan looked pretty shocked seeing me being dragged by in the hallway before.

mokuren: I told you to sing, Akira.

akira: Haa… The hell is up with you? You want me to sing here? Now? To practice with you? I’m not interested in practicing again right after a show.

mokuren: No. I’m telling you to sing like you mean it. Both of us aren't the smartest and we both know that.

akira: What kind of new and original diss is that? Is it supposed to take us both down?

mokuren: I’m not the smartest and that's why I dance. In order to rid myself of what annoys me or gets in my way.

akira: So you're saying I should sing to rid myself of annoyances? What are you talking about? Are you trying to give me a pep talk? Cause I’ve already been given enough of those.

mokuren: I see, is it encouragement that you need then? Want me to pet your head like a child?

akira: Gross!

mokuren: If you need to be consoled in order to sing then I’ll call Princess over and have her take pity on you. You said she was in the hallway earlier right? I’ll go get her.

akira: Don’t.

mokuren: Princess is so kind, I’m sure she’ll hear you out and sympathise with you.

akira: Quit it already! I’m not that pathetic.

mokuren: Right? Sorry, I went too far with my joke.

akira: Huh? Wait no, you're scary when you actually apologise.

mokuren: However, if you won't sing properly then I won't waver. Because I’ve discovered that provoking you like this is effective.

akira: You really are demonic, it's scary!

–end

-

Chapter 12 SideB

-starless hallway-

sinju: Sorry for making you look for him with me, Saki-chan.

saki: It's fine. I wonder where Kasumi-san went though.

sinju: Doesn't seem like he's at Starless. Maybe he went out shopping? If that's the case, I wonder if he'll be back soon…

-kasumi walks by-

sinju: Ah, there he is! Kasumi!

-sinju walks over to put a hand on kasumi’s shoulder-

sinju: Kasumi, we’ve been looking for you. I need to talk to you about a shift tomorrow–

-kasumi slaps his hand away-

sinju: Woah…?

saki: Kasumi-san…?

sinju: My bad. Were you busy thinking about something? I’m sorry if you're busy!

kasumi: Ah… (realises what he did)

kasumi: S-sorry about that~ I’m just stressing because the stock order we need to submit today wasn't where it should be.

sinju: Is that so? Do you want me to help you find it?

kasumi: No no, it's fine. Nevermind that, what did you want to talk to me about?

sinju: It's about tomorrow's shift. Maica won't be able to make it so he asked if he could swap with you.

kasumi: Got it, just text me the details.

sinju: Sorry for the trouble, and thanks.

kasumi: If that's all, then please excuse me~!

-kasumi walks off-

sinju: Maybe I shouldn't have done that…

saki: Kasumi-san looked like a lot was on his mind, didn't he?

sinju: That's true. He must be really busy! And then I went ahead and burdened him with more without thinking. I’ll try and have his shift changed to me instead. We can't make it a habit to always just rely on Kasumi.

saki: That's true. I’ll try and help out where I can too. Let’s do our best, Sinju-san.

sinju: Thanks, Saki-chan!

–end

-

Chapter 13

-rehearsal room-

qu: Good morning, Mokuren. You're here early today.

mokuren: I happened to wake up early, and thanks to that the rehearsal room was free for me to use.

qu: I see, it's a lovely morning.

mokuren: Did you run here?

qu: Yeah. It’s nice to go for a bit of a longer run on mornings like this.

mokuren: Yeah, I can concentrate best in the morning. Want to use half of the room?

qu: Yes please. Thanks. Have you been staying hydrated? It looks like you’ve been laser focused on your dancing.

mokuren: …Good point. I didn't realise what time it was.

-time pass-

qu: How’s your team going?

mokuren: Not bad. It's fun when the centre is double casted. Kei and Kokuyou are completely different.

qu: I figured you'd say that. You always dance like you're at war. You're always fighting against whatever it is that you consider to be unfair.

mokuren: If something pisses me off and gets in my way then I just have to destroy it. I’ve gotten smarter and realised you can't just kick it all away.

qu: Hahah, I know.

mokuren: …….

qu: Mokuren? Is something the matter?

mokuren: What do you mean?

qu: No, it's just… You seem a little different from usual.

mokuren: What a strange thing to say. I’m the same as I always am.

qu: True. You're just dancing as you always have. That's why you kept searching for this place.

mokuren: Is something the matter, Qu?

qu: No, it's nothing. I was just thinking is all. Why are we using the story of ‘Paradise Lost’ now?

mokuren: Angels, Devils, Adam and Eve. They're all pretty overused characters.

qu: If we ignore that you're on different teams. You, Rindou and Mizuki are all playing the same role, aren't you? You're Satan, the enemy of the angels, whilst Rindou and Mizuki are Satan as the protagonist.

mokuren: Hmph, I’m well aware. I’ve already learnt how to dance their part. Join me in my practice, Qu. I’ll be your Satan.

qu: You’ve changed your interpretation again. Sounds like fun– I’ll join you then.

mokuren: I’m always ready to dance. Let's get started.

–end

-

Chapter 13 SideA

-starless office-

unei: Understood. Then I’ll book you in for the second rehearsal room on that day.

mokuren: Don't go forgetting it again.

unei: Of course not, leave it to me~! I’ll book it as soon as I finish up with these urgent documents. Oh, you can eat those cookies if you’d like. I bought them for you.

mokuren: Oh? How thoughtful of you. Were you planning to bribe me with cookies in exchange for making me wait?

unei: N-no I wa– Actually… Yes I was, please accept the cookies.

mokuren: You’ve gotten smarter too.

unei: Eheheh, why thank you. I’ll try and be even more helpful from now on!

mokuren: Hm.

unei: Hey! What kind of reaction is that? Isn’t this where you should say ‘do your best’ or ‘thanks for all the hard work’?

mokuren (mouth full of food): Dwo your best, fanks fwor all the hard work.

unei: You sound like you're reading a script! I booked the second room for you, ok?

mokuren: …… (finishes eating)

mokuren: Do your best. You’re always helping us out.

unei: Mokuren-san…! Is… Something the matter? Were the cookies no good?

mokuren: Just take the compliment. You're hard to deal with.

–end

-

Chapter 13 SideB

-rehearsal room-

saki: Hello–

rindou: Please, just give me ten, no, just five more minutes.

qu: Even if you say that, your allotted time is over. Plus, you're looking pale, I think it's best you go rest.

rindou: I’m fine. So for just a little longer– Oh, Saki-san, I didn't notice you there. Sorry for causing a fuss.

saki: Oh no, it's fine. Sorry for intruding.

qu: Don't worry about it, we're done here anyways. I’ll be taking the rehearsal room now, Rindou. Go and rest, ok? Oh I know, how about you get Saki to lend you her lap as a pillow? You can go lay down in the break room.

saki: Wha? A lap pillow? In the break room no less??

rindou: Huh? No, I couldn't ask for that… 

rindou: I’m sorry for the trouble. I’ll go and cool my head.

-rindou leaves-

qu: Jeez, what a handful. Thanks for showing up, I couldn't get him to listen to me. I know he has a lot on his plate concerning the show but he seems way too stressed.

saki: I wonder if something happened.

qu: Ah, sorry, my bad. I shouldn't be talking to you about this. I think the nerves are just getting to him, he's the centre of his team after all. Mizuki is too of course, but he's not really someone that works cooperatively.

Next time you see Rindou looking tired or like he's pushing himself too much, could you stop him for me? Even if you have to do it by offering a lap pillow.

saki: Ok! Wait I mean, I’m not sure if I can follow through with the lap pillow but I’ll make sure to keep an eye on him.

qu: Thank you. I’ll leave it to you.

–end

-

Chapter 14

-outside starless, early morning-

saki: Oh, Gui-san. Hello–

-gui steps away-

saki: (Hm? Did he not hear me?)

sinju: Something the matter, Saki-chan? Oh, Gui’s here too. Hey Gui! Good morning!

-gui steps away-

sinju: Ah, he kept walking! Let's follow him!

saki: O-ok!

-time pass, alleyway-

sinju: He went that way. Can you keep running, Saki-chan?

saki: Yeah, I’m fine– Ah.

-saki trips-

sinju: Crap!

-gui appears and catches her-

gui: Watch your step, Saki.

saki: Thank you…

sinju: Sorry, Saki-chan. I made you overdo it.

saki: It’s ok, I’m sorry for tripping.

sinju: So then, um…

gui: ……..

saki: ……..

sinju: Wait, why were even running after Gui in the first place?

saki: Um well, I called out to Gui-san but I thought he mustn't have heard me.

gui: …I heard you. But I didn't know how to greet you.

sinju: Why not?

gui: I disobeyed Kei’s orders, so… I’m not sure what to do.

saki: I see, you must be feeling a bit lost.

sinju: I get it! That kind of thing happens all the time. It's not good to ignore someone when they greet you though. Did you not want to say anything?

gui: I wanted to greet her.

sinju: Then you should do it. So, does Kei already know that you disobeyed him?

gui: He knows.

sinju: Then he's probably already forgiven you, I wouldn't worry about it.

gui: But I… I didn't…

sinju: I don't really understand what's going on, but I think that there are times when you don't have to listen to someone’s orders. If you think that it isn't right, then you don't have to do it. Right, Saki-chan? We're all only human after all.

saki: I agree. Sometimes we just need to listen to our hearts.

gui: Listen to… our hearts?

sinju: You wanted to greet us, right? So you should.

gui: I wanted to… Yeah, I did. So I should? Ok. Saki, um, hello. Sinju too, hello.

–end

-

Chapter 14 SideA

-alleyway-

master: Kei.

kei: …Master. Why are you here– No, what is it that you want?

master: You owe me a favour, you haven't forgotten have you?

-flashback, alleyway-

kei: It's me. Why are you calling?

master: Kokuyou is traveling with the young woman.

kei: I'm not happy about it, but not knowing Kokuyou's location is the only way to protect her. It's only for a few days, I can put up with leaving Saki to him for that long.

master: They're getting pretty close to that laboratory, are you still going to say you don't care?

kei: What? Close to that place... Why would he go there, of all places… No, for now it is still safer than her being here. Understood, I'm grateful for the update.

master: You owe me for this.

-end flashback-

kei: I have not forgotten. Thanks to you I was able to deal with the situation before it reached her. So, let me hear it. What is it that you wish for me to do in return?

master: Nothing for now. You don't have the power to do anything right now. You're aware of it too aren't you? You’ve spread yourself too thin. You're a performer. Not a supervisor or commanding officer. Your goal– Your aim should be just that. It shouldn't be anything else.

kei: …I am aware.

master: You haven't changed. That really is your fatal flaw as a performer. It's because you couldn't rid yourself of it that you're walking down your current path.

kei: I cannot walk the same path as you, and I do not intend to.

master: I know.

kei: I am grateful to you, Master. You taught me how to survive. The time I spent looking up to you as my teacher has made me the man that I am today.

master: You were an awful student. You acted cocky and always tried your best to take advantage of me. But worst of all, you never knew when to give up. Even now, that aspect of you is the same. People who possess a goal cannot live for anything other than fulfilling it. You were like that from the start, you really haven't changed at all from back then.

master: Prepare yourself, Kei. And remember what your goal is. That is all you are able to do right now. –I will ask that favour of you soon.

-master leaves-

kei: To think I’ve made enough of a blunder to make him scold me face to face again. My only goal– My wish… No, I’m still far too lacking to be able to obtain this desire of mine.

–end

-

Chapter 14 SideB

-park, evening-

zakuro: My oh my, a familiar face has appeared before me. Looking up to the sky whilst deep in thought.

rindou: Zakuro…

zakuro: Is something on your mind?

rindou: Yes… I mean, no, it's nothing. What a coincidence it is to see you here. Are you on a walk as well?

zakuro: I suppose I am. If you consider wandering around with no destination in mind going for a stroll then yes.

rindou: I think it counts.

zakuro: I’ve seen you with this expression once before. Your brows were deeply knit together and your complexion as pale as a ghost. 

rindou: …When was this?

zakuro: That time I saw you at old Starless. Right, it's something I only remembered recently too.

rindou: That's a strange way of phrasing that. Are you saying you only remembered it now?

zakuro: I remember at the time you told me that you had a headache. Do you have one now too?

rindou: Well, I just got news that someone I knew passed away…

zakuro: Oh my, the passing of a friend. I am most sorry to hear that, my condolences. Were they someone close to you?

rindou: No, they were nothing more than an acquaintance. They were a journalist that worked for some magazine. Honestly I wasn't fond of him, I found him annoying and didn't want him to contact me anymore… But I still…

rindou: …… (sad sigh)

zakuro: This is just my personal opinion here, but isn't that a good thing then? He wasn't someone close, rather it sounds like he was nothing but a nuisance to you. In that case I think it's fine for you to think ‘I’m glad he’s gone.’

rindou: That's– There's no way I could think about it like that. A person has lost their life.

zakuro: Yes, indeed indeed, very true. That right there is one of your good points, Rindou. By the way, do you happen to know what the cause of death was?

rindou: He was involved in an accident. I heard from his magazine company that it happened in November of last year. The last time I spoke with him was in October, and then, not long after that he…

rindou: Ugh…

zakuro: You’ll give yourself a headache if you think about it too much. Your face has grown even paler too. There's no need for you to think about it that deeply. If it was an accident that killed him then there's nothing we could've done anyway.

rindou: That may be true… I’m going to head back to Starless. I need to perform today.

–end

(to be continued)

[rocketbirdie]

WAIT I JUST HAD A THOUGHT mako addict Kunsel who’s looking for Zack (thinking he’s dead and in the lifestream, hoping he’s not) but accidentally finds Cloud (comatose/catatonic due to his own mako poisoning) instead, and finds them while Zack is on the run by getting directions from Cloud when he hits and meets up with him in the pseudo-lifestream

I’m not explaining this super well but what I’m picturing is Kunsel shoots up in his room at ShinRa and thinks about Zack so hard while he’s high that he accidentally makes like. Mana-to-mana contact with Cloud’s semi-attached soul while he’s still floating in a tank in Nibelheim and when Kunsel sobers up, because he’s so obsessed with finding Zack and has only hit dead ends up till now, he grabs the “lead” with both hands and straight up deserts to trek across the continents in search of that lab that he only briefly got to see, and vaguely at that. (He mostly was stuck on having seen Zack in the next tank over, scratching into the glass with… claws?)

And over the course of Kunsel’s trek, Zack breaks himself and Cloud out of the lab and goes on his own trek to Midgar, unaware that Cloud and Kunsel are (kind of) in contact. So Kunsel keeps shooting up while he travels, Cloud is still poisoned and has an estranged soul-to-body relationship right now, and they both kind of figure out after a while that they can sort of… not communicate, but Kunsel can impress his desperation to find Zack into Cloud and Cloud can send back his own impressions of where Zack is taking them through at any moment

And because Kunsel keeps shooting up and intentionally stretching his soul thin to reach Cloud, eventually his body kind of gives out on him a little bit and he stops needing as much mako to reach Cloud, and while he assumes this means he’s closer to them than before, really it just kind of means he’s unintentionally becoming a little like Cloud 😬 hazy focus, absence seizures, bog standard mako overdose effects. But they’re helping him find Zack and Cloud!! So they can’t be that bad, right?

Can’t figure out how to bridge the actual finding part of this but I think after they’re all together again Kunsel would be so so grateful to Cloud for helping him find Zack that he builds up a pedestal for Cloud in his mind the way he’s built one up for Zack :) so now Cloud has TWO strong scary SOLDIERs doting on his every whim :)

I think with this au it would actually be Cloud who is more apathetic to Kunsel at first, because while it’s obviously a good thing for Zack to have more devotees, Cloud didn’t really know Kunsel that well before everything… so where it’s awe-inspiring to have Zack be so protective of him, when Kunsel does it it’s at first kind of… uncomfortable… but hell, he learns really fast and he doesn’t seem at all fazed by Cloud’s apathy or Zack’s new mutations or either of their absentminded bloodlust, in fact in that last one he kind of fits right in with them both. And Zack trusts him a lot. So maybe he’s not that bad?

I want to work the mind meld into this somehow but I can’t make it click :( it feels like it could be so INTUITIVE but I can’t make it work :( maybe you have a better way??

ooOUUGH...... poor kunsel burning through his own health for the sake of these two...

[steddie-as-they-come]

everywhere, everything

ao3 link

With a sharp laugh, Robin jumps off the swing and lands, only stumbling a little bit. “Did you see that!” she calls, but her mom isn’t watching, her eyes on her book.

She groans and runs away, clambering up the stairs on the playground structure and sliding around the twisty-turny slide. 

She’s about to go again, but she hears a sound come from under the plastic rock wall. 

“Huh?” She ducks into the shade under the rock wall. Another boy, with his hair shaved like her dad sometimes had, looks at her with big scared eyes. 

She takes a seat next to him. “Hi,” she says gently, because her mom says that if someone’s shy she needs to be gentle. “Do you wanna play pirates with me?” 

The boy just keeps looking at her, knees folded to his chest. He’s wearing a dress like how her mom did when she had to go to the hospital. “Are you okay?” she asks second, because what if he’s sick? “What’s your name?” 

He mumbles something Robin couldn’t quite catch. 

“Steven?” she asks. “Is that what you said?”

The boy hesitates, looking down at his wrist, then nods. “Steven,” he says aloud. “I am Steven.” 

“Can I call you Steve?” she asks. “As a nickname?”

“Nick…name?” 

Robin brushes wood chips off her pants. “Yeah. Like a name that’s shorter than your normal name, because it’s easier. My cousin calls me Robbie.” She lowers her voice. “Only he doesn’t do it around my grandma, because she doesn’t like it.” 

“Oh. Okay. Steve?” 

“Yep. Hi, Steve, I’m Robin.” She holds out her hand to shake, like she sees her parents do with people they’re meeting for the first time. Steve doesn’t take it, though, and Robin thinks it’s probably because it’s silly. Why do people need to shake hands when they meet each other? 

She drops it. “So…pirates?” she asks, standing up.

“What’s a pirate?” Steve asks curiously, following her out into the sun. 

Robin gasps dramatically. “They’re the coolest. They’d go out on the ocean and take treasure from other pirates, and they’d fight like hi-yah and argh and yo-ho-ho and then they’d blow everyone up with their cannons!” She punctuates this with cannonball sound effects, spreading her arms wide to mimic the explosion. 

Steve weakly copies her, making the same explosion sound. Robin laughs. “Okay, do you wanna be on the same crew or different crew?” 

He tilts his head confusedly. 

“You could work with me against other pirates, or we could be fighting each other.” she rephrases, which is the word she learned from her dad, meaning to say something in a different way but still have it mean the same thing.

“Work with you.” Steve says. 

“Okay!” Robin helps him climb up the weird stairs to the top of the tower. “So this is our pirate ship, and they’re the other pirates.” She gestures to the few other kids running around the playground. “We gotta scare them away from coming up here.” 

But as they’re playing, Robin starts to notice no other kids are even trying to come up. Normally the tower is a coveted spot. And she knows she’s not really that scary, at least when she’s not trying to be, so she doesn’t understand. It’s less fun when no one’s coming to try to take the tower from them. 

“They’re not coming.” she says to Steve. He’s cupping a hand over his face, leaning against the railing and looking at the people below.

He scrunches up his forehead funny. “You wanted them to come?” 

“Well, yeah,” she says. “It’s not fun if they don’t try.” 

“Oh.” 

He takes his hand down from his nose, and Robin yelps. “Are you okay?” 

Because Steve has blood dripping from his nose. It’s running down his arm and staining his dress-thingy. 

Steve nods. “I was keeping the kids away for you.” he says, leaning heavily against the railing. 

Robin barely hears him. She seizes his non-bloody arm and hauls him off the playset, running for her mom. “Mom?” she yells. “Mom!”

Her mom puts her book down. “Robin, what is it- Oh!” She blanches at the sight of Steve with blood down his front. “Honey, are you okay?” Her eyes rake over him, taking in his hospital gown and shorn hair. 

“This is Steve, Mom.” Robin says, talking too fast. “He was shy and we were playing pirates and then he was bleeding and I don’t know what to do?” 

“Did you hit your face on something, sweetie?” her mom asks, kneeling down to get on Steve’s level and placing her hand where Robin’s had been.

Steve shakes his head. 

“Well, where are your parents? We might want to get you to a doctor, that looks bad.” 

Steve pulls out of her grip. “No! No doctors! Bad men!” More blood drips out of his nose.

And the weirdest thing happens. Instead of Robin’s mom pressing the issue, her face goes slack. “Okay,” she murmurs, like she’s in a trance. “No doctors.” 

“Mom?” Robin asks worriedly. 

She snaps out of it. “Robin, what do you think about having a playdate with Steve?” 

“Um, right now?” 

“Yeah, right now.” her mom says, taking her book from the bench. “Come on, both of you.” 

She walks off, and Robin looks at Steve, expecting him to look worried. Instead, he grins victoriously, and it’s kind of scary, seeing him smile like that with blood coating his face. 

“Your parents.” she whispers. “Won’t they be worried if you come to my house for a playdate?” 

“I don’t-” he stumbles over his words “-don’t have parents. And you’re the first nice one since I escaped, so I want to go with you.”

“Escaped?” Robin hisses. “Escaped from where?”

“Come on!” her mom calls, honking the car horn. 

They both run towards the car. 

Neither of them get a chance to talk until after Steve’s all cleaned up. Robin starts to notice that every time her mom begins to ask a question about Steve’s past, he jerks his hand weirdly, and his nose bleeds again. Her teachers said she was very perceptive, and her little dictionary said that word meant she noticed too many things.

Robin kind of wishes she wasn’t so perceptive. 

After her mom stands up to go make them sandwiches for lunch, Robin scoots closer to Steve on the bathroom floor. “Where did you come from?” she asks. She spots Steve’s hand start to raise, and she grabs it, pushing it down. “Don’t do that, you have to tell me. I want to know.” 

Steve rolls up the sleeve of his shirt by his wrist. It’s actually Robin’s shirt, but she let Steve have it since he liked the yellow color. 

A set of numbers looks back at her. 

007

“What?” she asks, because… what?

“There was this lab. Run by bad men.” he says. “They did mean stuff to me and other kids. I was Seven.” Oh, Robin thinks. Seven, not Steven. “And there were um…twelve of us?” He looks at his hands, trying to remember. “No, no, Twelve died. Just eleven kids.” 

“What were they trying to do?” Robin asks hesitantly. She doesn’t know if she really wants to know. 

But she will know, so Steve can have someone to tell. 

Steve doesn’t answer. He raises his hand. 

Her toothbrush, a red one, floats out of the cup and lands in her lap. 

“Whoa!” Robin says. “That’s so cool!!” 

Steve smiles, and his nose only bleeds a little. 

Robin leans forward with the tissues before it can drip onto his shirt and blots it away. “What else can you do?” 

“I can read minds.” Steve says, nose still bleeding. “You’re thinking of cleaning my nose off again.” He leans forward and plucks the tissue from Robin’s hands, wiping it away himself. “And I can- can-” He hesitates, then leans forward more. “I can control people’s minds.” 

“You can what?” she says loudly, and Steve frantically hushes her. 

“That’s how I escaped. I controlled the guard to let me out and I ran away.” he admits quietly. “But if they find me I’ll be sent back.” He waves his hand, and it’s like a wave crashes over Robin’s brain. 

When she comes back to herself, she’s standing. Steve’s got half the tissue box held to his nose. 

“You controlled me.” she says, in a state of shock.

“Sorry,” he says. “I wanted to prove it.”

“Would you like to live with us?” she asks before she can stop herself.

Reckless. A word Robin has heard time and time again. Her mom says it means she doesn’t stop to think before doing things. Her dad says it means she does things her way and doesn’t try to change for other people. 

She has half a mind to take it back. 

But Steve’s face lights up, brighter than the yellow of the shirt he’s wearing. “Really?” he asks. “But, what if the bad men come?” 

“I’ll fight them off.” Robin offers. She picks up her toothbrush, swinging it like a bat. “I play softball. I’ll teach you how to swing the bat so you can hit ‘em, if they come.” 

“And your parents?” 

“Use your mind control again.” Robin says. “You can, um, you can say you’re their son too. Convince them that we’re siblings! Then you can live with me, and we’ll be brother and sister!” 

“Okay.” Steve says. “I think I want to be your brother.”

“Great!” She sticks out her hand again to shake on the plan.

He stares at it. Right, raised in a lab. “You shake it. Like this.” She tries to show him, but it’s kinda hard to do it with both of her hands. “It’s what you do when you meet someone new, or how you agree on a plan.” 

“Oh, okay!” He sticks out his hand, and she shakes it. 

Operation Buckley Siblings is a go.

[liveinfarbe]

There's no such future, Sauron!

One of Rings of Power’s great achievements is the layered characterisation of Sauron that perfectly fits with Tolkien’s backstory for him. It’s essentially a tragedy and I get the empathetic perspective on Sauron, but I need to understand how he becomes this evil entity in Lord of the Rings.

So, this is how it ends between Galadriel and Halbrand: she tries to stab Sauron twice and Sauron doesn’t really care. He just doesn’t. He’s a Maia.

But he also reveals himself as having a pretty short fuse. He’s irascible, feral, unhinged when things don’t work out according to his clever plans.

You better not tickle his frail ego or he’ll give you a scare for life. If he likes you, it’s only in your mind, and you wake up just in time.

(I love how Galadriel totally would've stabbed him a third time though she just experienced the futilitiy of it.)

Sauron’s proposal was a mess, and it was a perfect introduction to all that isn’t okay with him:

First of all, it was cruel to use her memory of Finrod, which was a special one, and infantilize Galadriel as a means to his ends. He knows exactly what he’s doing in this situation, while she’s just massively confused, like, completely disoriented. In the forge in Númenor Halbrand said he was sorry about her brother, with teary eyes and all, but now he’s not caring about her grieve anymore. Instead he uses it, because all that interests him is that the Rings are forged. He wants the Rings.

He killed Finrod, did he really think this was going to go over well with Galadriel when he impersonates and completely misrepresents him? For all his wisecracking about diplomacy and human nature in Númenor earlier, he’s really naive or just arrogant to think this warms her heart for him, or maybe he just doesn’t care if it does.

Then he switches scenery. They’re on the raft and he makes his proposal. Galadriel’s tempted because he looks like the Halbrand again who saved her and she’s into him, but the situation is still scary. She’s got no agency here, except maybe to say ‘yes’. The power balance has shifted. Or rather, balance has evaporated. She’s at his mercy. He’s using his magic powers on her, she didn’t know he had, because until recently this was just moody human Halbrand who can do sword tricks.

The proposal - well, Galadriel owns an impressive dagger she can’t use against him; Sauron however stabs her with words and thoughts which is ultimately more harmful. All he knows about her vulnerabilities, he now uses to corner her, to coax her, to make her alloy with him. It effectively disarms her.

She rejects him - or in the metaphysics of ring-forging: her light rejects to alloy with him because his intentions aren’t pure enough - and just like that volatile Sauron emerges. He doubles down on the humiliating rhetoric, he gets worked up really fast. There’s a monstrous transformation going on with his voice and eyes, so finally, he also looks like the fucker who killed the people she loved and so many more, so she attacks him. It’s useless, but she can’t help it. So he plunges her under water and lets her sink.

Sauron’s reaction is purely emotional, he’s getting carried away, he’s like an ancient emo-kid acting out. But that’s foreboding. He could’ve acted differently even though she attacked him with the dagger. It was clear she wouldn’t be able to stab him. He was in control. He’s much more powerful than her and this was just unnecessary and sadistic to make her think she’s drowning.

You don’t do that to someone you fancy, do you? Make them helpless and scared for their life. There’s something so demeaning in this.

If this is his reaction because she doesn’t immediately grasp he’s a good guy now, then he’s got a long way to go yet. Just for that drowning experience alone, I would totally switch into vengeful dark Galadriel mode from the PJ movies too, if I met him next time. I really want her to go hard on him and pay him back.

Had he acted differently, would she then have accepted his proposal? He didn’t quite recommend himself as a reliable, genuine fellow, just an imitation of one, so how …?

On the other hand, I think Sauron is infatuated with her and he knows she reciprocated his feelings when he was still Halbrand. He won’t stop trying to bring her to his side and make it as hard for her as possible to be at peace:

Look at me Galadriel! Look at what I’ve done, this is all your fault! I massacre all those people, because you didn’t love me enough.

But it isn’t her fault, it’s his. He’s suspicious for the sole reason that he could’ve gone the way of full rehabilitation. As a Maia in Middle-earth he falls under the jurisidiction of the Valar, but he evades their judgment, and then can’t seem to bear Galadriel’s rejection either - just because she can’t immediately stop being a victim of his past dark doings …

If he’s a gift maker, he reveals himself here as one of those who take their gift back when they aren’t pleased with the recipient. Thus he let’s her drown this time. Nearly. Long way to go for Sauron.

She could become his personal life coach, sure, but there’s a possibility for her and people close to her of getting hurt and/or killed along the way because he’s a fragile toddler inside though being older than sound.

Even if he was a victim himself (of Morgoth), what difference does it make to Galadriel, or Finrod? Heck, even the Orcs he mutilated who were his dependents? Mutilated, traumatized, dead. He’s asking way too much of her in this moment, to forgive and reconcile at the same time, while he himself has dodged the chance to be held accountable and face punishment for the atrocities he’s done, because he fears he’ll be tested for a long time by the gods and it will be a bore.

From the Silmarillion: When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë, the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not within the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation and to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.

Sauron will possibly renew his proposal to Galadriel, but the first time made a bad enough impression. His methods of persuasion sucked. I’d love if this was Pride and Prejudice in Middle-earth, but Tolkien’s source material doesn’t leave much room for it. It’s not just that the Dark Lord’s manners are unpleasant and he’s a decent guy underneath. He’s described as being just that - unpleasant:

[…] a re-incarnation of Evil, and a thing lusting for Complete Power – and so consumed ever more fiercely with hate (especially of gods and Elves).

[rodeoradio]

Chronically online trans people need to get normal about detransition … the reality is that if you’re in irl queer/trans spaces you are going to meet people who have detransitioned, people who have retransitioned, and people who still identify as trans but in a different way than they used to. Trans healthcare means gender affirming care for everyone, including people who choose to get on different hormones or even reverse surgeries. I think we also need to talk about how even 5 years ago you couldn’t really access hormones and surgeries unless you presented as binary- so now you have a lot of non binary people who really did need access to medical transition and were forced to ID and present as binary to access it realizing that they actually wanted or needed either a lower level of hormones or different surgical options- but it was kind of all or nothing at the time, especially for minors. Health insurance also often only covers full-on top surgery even if someone would rather get a reduction (once again, especially for minors.) I had terrible chest dysphoria- looking back, top surgery saved my life, I’d probably be happier if I got a radical reduction- but my insurance wouldn’t pay for that, even if I had known that’s what I wanted. Not to mention the hordes of truscum who told nonbinary and gnc trans people “no, you’re not really trans, and if you are- you need to ID as binary and want full dose T and top surgery.” And that sort of rhetoric has bled into today’s “T makes you bald and hairy, what did you expect?” and “you can’t pick and choose what hormones do for you! It won’t turn you into an androgynous twink! Either be okay with every effect or don’t go on hormones!” Well, actually, this rhetoric is wrong and is doing a lot of harm too. We shouldn’t demonize the more obviously masculinizing effects of T, it’s absolutely what some people want and need. But you can work with an endocrinologist to do things like prevent baldness, bottom growth (to some extent), and facial hair growth if you want to. You can go on T for a short amount of time and stop whenever you want. We shouldn’t be discouraging people from taking it slow and experimenting with what they want. When you tell people that an androgynous transition isn’t possible, you’re just feeding into the gatekeeping of the medical system and upholding truscum beliefs that caused people to feel like they needed to be “really trans” and transition “all the way”

I understand that seeing detransitioners can be scary- seeing some select detransitioners be paid god knows how much to rally against trans rights and be used as political pawns by the right is terrifying- and your anger is justified. But- you do not have the right to cast all people who detransition or retransition in this light- there are many fighting on the side of trans people, but the difference is that you don’t see them because they’re not being funded by the government. Not to mention that so so many people who choose to reverse some aspects of their medical and social transition, including myself, are still trans. I don’t consider what I’m doing detransition, and I love my trans body, I just have to work a little bit backwards in my transition because the only way I could save my life by accessing gender confirming healthcare as a teenager was by identifying as binary. I just wish I had been presented with all my options, and access to them.