#ALSO MY FRIEND PARKERS SOLO TOO MY GOD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

selfcarecap · 3 years

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Friends [p.p]

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Summary: You ask Peter for a very special favour that changes everything for your friendship.

Warnings: first time sex, overall loads of smut (18+), Peter and Ned being confused by female anatomy, Ned rapping Nicki Minaj, Dumb bitch Peter™️ (but what’s new?), language, maybe a bit of angst but a happy ending ;), looads of awkwardness, mentions of Christmas lmao but not as a religious thing they just go to a Christmas market (i didn’t know what else to call it)

Word count: 11.5k damn

A/N: Okay, this was actually so much fun to write, I’ve been thinking about this for months and I finally got around to it (Watch this get like 7 notes, either way I enjoyed it!), also this is mostly Peter’s POV! -- Including the original a/n aw, also the pov is inconsistent af

-this is a repost of an old fic- (yes it used to be called "friends" but the " annoyed me lmaooo)

“So... I’ve been thinking..”

That’s always how it starts.

Peter already knows what this means. He knows this look on your face and with the way you coquettishly glance over your shoulder, it means you want something. You’ve got a vague (totally not vague, but very detailed) idea and you’re sure you want to do it, you just need a partner. And that partner usually turns out to be Peter.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to do-”

He can tell you’re a little nervous; because the idea might be a little crazy and you’re scared Peter isn’t going to want to do this with you.

“And I wanted to ask if you want to join me?”

But every time he’s seen this look on you so far was only moments before some of his favourite memories with you. So he knows your idea is probably as awesome as always.

“I… want to have sex, for the first time, and I was going to ask if you want to.. do that with me?”

“Yeah let’s do— wait what?”

The shock is evident on Peter’s face.

He sits up next to you on your bed, so you’re both at the same level and he can see your expression properly.

And you’re completely serious, nervous though. Suddenly you feel a little shy sitting so close to Peter, but the size of your bed won’t allow you to scoot further away.

You’ve been friends with Peter for a while. Very good friends, you may add. And you trust Peter with all your being.

It’s just that you’ve never really been a sexual person, or at least not talked to Peter about sex. There was never an occasion where it came up and you had no reason to tell him about your so far only solo and literally single-handed sex life.

And for Peter, it’s not that he would really want to talk to you about his... sexy thoughts - but only because they often involve you and he feels bad because of it. But he can’t control his thoughts and dreams- oh god the dreams he’s had about you.

You finally want to have sex and get it over with - the famously painful first time at least. So of course the person you trust most is the first person you’d go to.

“Uh, yeah, I mean I don’t know, why do you want to do that all of a sudden?”

Peter’s previously only ever immediately agreed to your crazy ideas so him asking questions means he already doesn’t want to do it.

“Nevermind, don’t worry Peter you don’t have to, I’m sure I’ll find someone else.” You shrug and look down at your phone, a bit disappointed but you’re in no way going to force him.

“NO!” He clears his throat - Peter does not want you having sex with anyone else, especially if you’d offered him first. “I mean, uh, no I just mean tell me about it more.” He really doesn’t want you to know he’s kind of losing his shit here, thinking about having sex with you.

“Well, yeah - like I said, I want to have my first time and, I wanted to ask if you wanted to have sex with me.. in order to, you know, do that.. and yeah.”

Okay, Peter had understood you right, you want to have sex with him? Hell fucking yeah

Don’t seem too excited though, he tells himself, be cool.

“Okay, so, yeah - but why all of a sudden?” He repeats.

“No, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time actually - just to get it out of the way if I’m honest. I know virginity, or losing your virginity, is quite a big thing in this society, which I personally don’t agree with… for me it just isn’t. But the first time will most likely hurt, but I just really want to have sex.”

You just want to have sex? Yeah cool Peter can do that.

If Peter’s honest, he has thought about asking you the same thing quite a few times.

Mainly after you convinced him to watch the latest Netflix rom-com/chick flick (to be honest, he enjoys them too) where two best friends become lovers.

But then he’d be reminded that that was only in a film and not real and he never dared to ask you.

On the other hand, he is Spider-Man and an Avenger, and although that still doesn’t seem real to him sometimes - maybe that could show him that everything is possible.

You continue, “And I know there are other girls .. and guys of course, who do think of virginity as something special and that’s cool for them but for me personally it’s nothing emotional. Have.. have you had sex before?”

Tell the truth or not tell the truth? It’s you, the truth of course. And he’s sure you already know the answer anyway.

“No, I haven’t.”

“See, that’d be cool- I mean only if you want of course, then we’d both have our first times with someone we actually like and can trust, you know to be gentle and go slow and all that stuff. Then we can go on having sex with other people without the commitment of them being your first and we won’t have absolutely zero percent experience!” You conclude, now a bit more relieved that you weren’t wrong and you can count on Peter even with something like this. (Again though, if he didn’t want to, then that would be his choice which you’d respect.)

“Wait what? Other people?” You notice easily how Peter’s face falls and his whole demeanour changes.

“Oh? Haven’t I mentioned? There’s this guy, and let’s just say he’s made it more than clear that he wants to have sex with me - anytime I want, you know, like an offer. An offer that I definitely want to take up. It’s just that I want to be able to enjoy it without the pain that I’ll presumably have the first time, or first few times even.”

“Ummm, no you haven’t mentioned. So you want to have sex with me only to have sex with another guy?” He might be a little obvious with his jealousy now, but asking him what you’re asking right now is a pretty big deal. To him, at least.

“Well, when you say it like that it sounds a bit... look, have you not been listening to what I’m saying? And don’t worry, Peter, if you don’t want to you don’t have to do anything, I’ll find someone else - forget I ever said anything.”

“No! I - just.. this is all a bit sudden, just give me a few days to think, okay?”

“Sure.” You nod.

“Oh- and do not lose your virginity to someone else while I’m still thinking!” He adds.

“I won’t,” you laugh, “don’t worry - take all the time you need.”

Peter has to think thoroughly and hard about this. Have sex with you? Abso-fucking-lutely.

But then you having sex with another guy? No. Just nope.

What if Peter‘s just going to win you over with his sex skills? Yup, he’ll just do that.

There is just one more thing he requires: those ‘sex skills’, but how hard can it be to make a girl feel good?

“What the hell is a clitoris?” Peter asks Ned the next day during their study session.

“Peter… What? That doesn’t sound like physics? But I think I’ve heard about it? Doesn’t Nicki Minaj say it in that one song?”

“Ned- What? I don’t know if Nicki Minaj says it in her song. And a g-spot? Is that the same thing?” Peter’s beyond confused by the Google results.

But Ned’s too busy rapping to himself, some very inappropriate lyrics, but on the other hand, that might be exactly what he needs.

“I said just lick on the clitoris, uh, don’t fucking bite it. I ride his- Oh yeah! That’s it!”

“Okay and what exactly does it mean?”

“Dude, I don’t know, you’re not supposed to bite a girl’s clitoris but rather lick it. Oh. Ew.”

“What do you mean ew?” Peter’s looking dreamily into the distance, just thinking about you, thinking about sex with you and Ned recognises the look immediately.

“Wait is this about her? You mean the girl you’ve so hopelessly fallen in loooove with and won’t stop talking about? Your other best friend, next to me of course? No, no idea who you’re talking about.” Ned answers.

“Shut up I’m not in loooove,” he mimics Ned’s tone “I just like her okay? And she asked me if I want to have sex with her..”

“You serious?” Ned high fives him with an enthusiastic smile on his face, “Congrats, dude! Have you done it yet?”

“No, no! That’s why I’m googling. You see - by the way you don’t know about any of this, I don’t think she wants you to know - she says she wants me to be her first time, so far so good, right?” Peter explains and Ned nods with every word he says, excited for his best friend. “Okay, but then she says she wants to have sex with this other dude? Like, I don’t even know who she was talking about, but-“

“Brad Davis.” Ned interrupts Peter, absolutely sure.

“What? Why Brad Davis? He’s together with MJ isn’t he?”

“Okay, but all the girls still like him. So she probably does too.”

“No, Ned, for once it’s not Brad Davis! Well anyway. She wants me to be her first, but then she wants to have sex with this other guy. But I thought if I found out how to, you know, make a girl feel good and ultimately make her feel good she’d just want to stay with me?”

“Okay, let’s tackle this clitoris!”

“No, not tackle. Lick.” Peter comments and they both laugh, still not knowing what they’re even talking about.

Once again, Peter realises what a good friend Ned is. He knows that the probability of making you feel so mind-blowingly good that you stay with him forever and just because of that is quite small, but Ned still believes him and is even helping him.

“Okay I think I know what the clitoris is now, is that the same thing as a G-Spot?”

Ned clicks on a website as he talks to Peter. Hours have gone by while they’ve tried to figure out the mysteries of the female anatomy.

Ned makes an indescribable noise when he sees the diagram on the computer-screen in front of him.

“Uh, Peter, come look at this?” He says, sounding a bit helpless.

“Oh” Peter doesn’t know what to say either. “I mean I’ve watched porn but I’ve never seen it... quite like this...?”

They both cock their heads to the side synchronically as they stare at the picture in front of them.

“How am I supposed to know what the clitoris is? Is it that?” He puts his finger on the screen.

“No, Peter. That is the labia minora. Duh.”

Peter scoffs at Ned’s tone. “You just have sex with her then, if you know so well.”

“Peter, you know I love you but this is too much for me. My innocent, virgin eyes have seen enough,” he clicks the ‘x’ button in the corner of the computer “There was this website before, and it said to just ask her what she likes. To me that sounds like the easiest way of doing it anyway.”

“Just ask her what- okay ... that- that does sound quite reasonable actually...”

“Yeah it was Teen Vogue or something. Anyway, I gotta go home now! Text me if it’s Brad Davis!”

“It’s not!” Peter calls after Ned who’s leaving his place, thanking him for his help that might’ve left him traumatised.

Peter has to admit, communication is very important and often the key to many things.

He goes to bed after reading about twenty more Teen Vogue articles - only three about sex and how communication is apparently the only knowledge you need for your first time (- and seventeen articles finding out what Fenty Beauty is, what Disney Character he is based on his zodiac sign (Elsa from Frozen) and a whole article about Dua Lipa’s best looks that this journalist was clearly obsessed with.

He’ll definitely have to buy you one of those Fenty Lipglosses, Peter knows how much you love all your glossy, sticky lip products and how you love Rihanna, because how can one not?)

(And then he watched some guy performing Rihanna’s Umbrella on stage and at first it was very awkward to watch but got better with each second.)

He tries to sleep. He tries. But what if communication isn’t enough? What if you’re embarrassed about something or don’t want him doing more work than necessary? His sex game has to be on point. He really doesn’t want to lose you to that other guy... He has to make that one time count. Or the first few times - as you said.

So Peter spends at least three hours watching a whole ass documentary on the female orgasm on Netflix, and reading countless things on the internet.

When he finally feels satisfied (which is also how you’ll feel after he has sex with you, he’s sure of it) with his new-found knowledge he goes to sleep.

When he wakes up he immediately feels excited.

He can now tell you that, yes, he does want to have sex with you. He’ll be cool about it. Of course he won’t tell you about all his late night googling, he wants you to think that he’s just some natural born sex-god.

He basically knows everything there is to know - g-spot, clit, possible squirting, fingering, giving head. Then there’s the thing - practice makes perfect and he has none of that. But it’s going to be your first time as well, so he hopes your expectations can’t be too high.

“Is it Brad Davis?” Is the first thing he blurts out when he sees you the next day at your college. You basically laugh in his face when he says that.

When you’re finally finished laughing, much to his relief, you kind of strike a nerve. “Isn’t he with MJ now? You still mad at him for stealing your high school crush?”

“First of all it was middle school. It was ages ago... and no..”

What kind of annoys Peter is the smirk on your face as you mentioned MJ. You didn’t have a reason to - he had been over her for ages - but weren’t you jealous? Not at least a teeny-tiny-bit?

Peter knows you don’t like him like that. But you obviously like him enough to have sex with him, so wouldn’t it bother you if he had a crush? And then he remembered his own jealousy, did he want to ask about the other guy?

“So you’ve been thinking about my.. offer?” You ask, not wanting to push him but curious as the answer is obviously yes.

“Um, yeah. The answer is yes.” He tells you and you give him a bright smile that he didn’t expect.

“Do you want to come to mine after school and we can... talk more about it?” You suggest and you quickly arrange a time to meet this afternoon.

Holy cow. Peter is going to have sex. Peter is going to have sex with you. Peter is going to have sex with you and he’s going to make you come. Hopefully. Yes, he knows it. He has to. Woah.

“So you’re sure you want to?”

“Yes absolutely. I’ve just got a question? Who exactly is this guy that you want to have sex with?”

“Oh, well. He’s a friend of a friend, he’s finished with college already and I met him during the summer holidays. We met once before but we never really talked and he’s just.. I quite like him and he’s really hot you know?

Well basically, we obviously didn’t do anything but it was clear that we liked each other. Before he left town, he said he’d be back during the winter holidays to visit and we made some... arrangements. We’ve been texting as well. Of course he’s busy with starting his first job after college, but yeah. It’s not going to be anything serious. It’s not like either of us want a long distance relationship. But I really want him. And like I said he’s made it clear that he wants me too so....”

You rant and he listens with a heavy heart.

Although there is a good thing about this; he’s got until the winter holidays. That is so many weeks, he can win you over, if not with his pleasure skills then he’ll find another way.

The bad thing: the guy’s real. He didn’t just imagine you saying that. And you seem to really like him. But you also seem to like Peter - not in the same way, but hey, he has hope.

Somehow Peter had thought that maybe, just maybe he’d imagined the other guy existing. That he’d dreamt that part and you really just wanted to lose your virginity and chose Peter to have sex with.

But Peter will not give up. Never. Not when it comes to you. (And when he makes you cum.)

“Right.” He responds with a tight-lipped smile, “So... are we gonna have sex now?” He leans forward.

“What? No not now. Peter, I’ve never even kissed anyone. I thought maybe... we could start kissing, and then we kind of... find out what we like and how this whole thing works and every time we see each other we can move a little further?” You suggest, getting closer to him.

“O-okay, cool.” He stutters and you’re right in front of him, so close he can see the twinkle in your eyes and feel your breath against his.

You stop moving towards him only for a second, you look into his eyes and after a shaky breath that lets him know he’s not the only nervous one, you close the gap between the two of you.

It’s just a peck at first but butterflies explode in his stomach.

You do it again and again and again until the kisses last longer, your hands around his neck and his fingers squeezing your waist ever so gently, comforting.

“Sh-should we stop?” Your voice is raspy and you clear your throat, “I-I’m not ready to do anything yet but I don’t want to make this uh... harder for you.” You point to his lap that you’re nearly straddling, your lip between your teeth and it’s then that Peter realises he’s at least semi-hard.

“Oh-I-I’m sorry I didn’t-!” He covers himself and gets up to quickly disappear into the bathroom, but you stop him with words that only make him more excited, “Don’t be embarrassed, you’re not the only one who enjoyed it..” He watches you absentmindedly bite your finger to distract yourself and rearrange your position on the bed slightly flustered.

Not a bad start.

You give him another smile before he takes care of his situation in the bathroom.

That’s all you do for the first few weeks, making out.

And it’s not even weird. Which is weird.

You were just friends, and you still are just friends, but even the first kiss didn’t feel awkward or out of place.

But you have other friends, and you’re sure kissing them would be weird to say the least.

Although that can probably easily be attributed to the fact that you trust Peter so much and it’s a mutual decision you made, both equally inexperienced and new to this whole thing.

But you do it a lot and you’re both really getting the hang of it.

You’ve noticed how much Peter enjoys when you tug at his hair every now and then, and he seems to have realised that you like when his tongue licks your lower lip. Which is what he’s doing right now.

He pulls back for a moment, your arms still around his neck and holding him close to you.

“Um, Peter…” You’re not sure if you can tell him yet… should you?

Before you can decide, it seems like Peter also has something to tell you.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something…” He pauses briefly to look at your kiss swollen lips (especially your lower one) and dilated pupils and he would love to just eat you up (which you yet have to give him permission to and he’ll wait as long as you want) and he’s afraid that what he’s about to tell you will make you want him to eat you up less..

But just the thought of having sex with you, overall being physically so close to you, and you not knowing about his secret doesn’t sit quite right with him.

“Is it anything bad..?” You wonder and pull your sleeves over your fingers, but your arms stay comfortably around him so you can look into his eyes directly.

He rubs his eye and looks at the pillow next to you instead of in your eyes and says, “I’m Spider-Man.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, I can show you if you don’t-” He points to his backpack but you stop him from getting up.

“No, I believe you, I believe you. So that’s the thing you’re always so secretive about, always randomly disappearing and stuff?”

“I mean I thought I was being subtle but yes. Obviously you can’t speak to anyone about it, also, Ned knows but he only found out by accident.” Peter explains and you’re a bit relieved.

“Of course not,” you bite your lip, ”And I really appreciate that you told me… so Spider-Man, huh?” He blushes when you get up and on top of him so you’re in his lap now.

“That is quite cool.” You kiss him again but even before he can properly kiss you back, you’re pulling back again.

“Wait..but that means you get into fights and stuff?” You’re pouting and Peter just wants to kiss it better.

“Well yes, but usually I’m the winner, you know?” His hands find your waist and he looks rather cocky for once but you’re still not having any of it.

“I’m sure you are but you have to promise to be careful, okay?”

You make him pinky promise and tell you, while looking into your eyes, that he’ll be careful.

“So you don’t…” He starts.

“What?”

“Like me any less?” He continues.

“Why would I like you less now that I know you’re Spider-Man and you… literally save people every day?”

“I don’t know I just…” Maybe he’s just nervous around you and wants you to like him. Maybe he’s too nervous around you. You might not be in love with him (yet) but he really needs to stop being so insecure when clearly there’s no reason to be.

You give him a small smile and wrap your arms around him.

Much to both your enjoyment, you’re kissing again and you’re becoming increasingly aware again of how wet you are. If Peter can literally tell you he’s Spider-Man, you’re sure you can tell him how wet you are, after all that was the plan all along.

“P-Peter.” His name comes out rather as a whimper and you’re sure that now he can already tell what you’re about to say, still, you’re a little shy about how to go on.

“Yeah?” But you’re also becoming aware of the fact that Peter must be at least as turned on as you when he adjusts his pants underneath you.

“I think maybe it’s time I go to the bathroom alone for once.” Recognition strikes Peter’s features when he realises you’re referring to the couple of times he got too turned on to hide it and never wanted to pressure you into helping him and took care of himself in the bathroom.

“I mean you can stay here - that’s what I’m here for, right?” He raises his eyebrows teasingly and your shyness increases. “Only if you want.” He adds seriously.

You take a finger between your teeth, contemplate for maybe two seconds and then decide that you absolutely want this, “I‘m not going to take my clothes off yet, though.” You point at him warningly while you settle on your back.

“Whatever you want, pretty girl.”

Fuck, you think.

His fingers slip underneath the fabric of your trousers and at first they trail along your panties and Peter’s nearly shocked at how much wet he finds and he gasps.

“You know you’re not the only one who enjoys the whole making out,” you let him know and you already look so impatient so Peter tries to give you what you want.

His fingers find the waistband of your panties and slip underneath, the problem now is that he can’t actually see what he’s doing. Luckily he remembers that communication is key.

“Is that your cli-” He starts but you let out a breath that sounds like you’re finally getting a reward that you should’ve been granted ages ago, and he knows he’s doing at least something right.

Your smile is so seductive yet still a little shy when you move your arms over your face and your hips buck up into his finger, trailing up and down between your folds.

His lips are on your neck and you can relax more, not having him directly watch you come completely undone.

“Fuck, Peter, don’t stop. Feels r-really good.” You whimper and he says something that’s muffled against your neck.

It feels so good to have Peter’s finger on your swollen clit, but something’s still missing.

Your fingers come down to cover his and you draw a circular motion that he copies immediately and your own fingers leave again.

“Like that?” Peter asks, genuinely concentrated, and now he’s looking at you again. But you couldn’t care less about what Peter’s saying when you tip over the edge and your orgasm flows through your whole body with Peter’s rhythm on your clit not faltering. Your high lasts longer than usual until your legs nearly start to shake and you open your eyes to take Peter’s wrist to stop him.

His fingers stop moving but he still looks at you like in a trance for another few moments until you press a kiss to his cheek. “Sorry, didn’t mean to stare.” He blushes.

“‘s fine.” Your hand brushes through his hair but he looks a little uncomfortable.

“Sorry it’s just.. that was really hot and I think…” He screws his eyes shut in embarrassment before blurting out, “I think I might’ve cum in my pants though.” He’s saying it half with humour but he’s looking anywhere but at you and that lets you know he’s not lying.

“I mean I guess it’s a compliment for me, right?” You pout, “I still would’ve liked to make you cum myself but l-” You can’t continue your sentence because Peter nearly sprints to the bathroom calling out a “I can do it again!” and coming back a few seconds later after you hear him get some tissues.

He throws himself on the bed eagerly and starts kissing you again. “Wait, wait,.” you object and Peter stops, “Let me try something.”

You push him down so he’s lying comfortably on his back and move to sit between his thighs and you bend forward. First he thinks you’re going to kiss him, but you stop at his neck, look at his throat as he gulps and your lips come closer, “Tell me if anything hurts.” You say before brushing your hair from your face so you have a free view of Peter’s Adam’s apple.

You lick your lips and first place a chaste kiss on the skin there. Peter encourages you with a pleased moan that he doesn’t quite manage to suppress and soon you‘re sucking on his skin, your tongue darting out and you don’t let go until you’re sure you’ve left a mark.

You finally pull away to see Peter’s whole face and chest flushed but most importantly an already red-purplish mark right in the middle of his throat and you grin smugly, before moving to other parts of Peter’s body.

That day you end up giving Peter a hand-job for the first time - and judging by the time that he takes to cum, you’re really good at that.

When he comes home uncharacteristically late that day, considering he’s not in his suit, May gets suspicious and follows Peter to his room.

“Have you got a second to talk?” May’s standing in Peter’s door frame with two hands behind her back.

“Uh oh... did I do something?” Peter fears, did he forget to buy something he was supposed to? Not done his chores this week?

“No don’t worry, it’s nothing bad.”

They sit down together on his bed and with her sympathetic smile Peter knows he’s not in any trouble.

“You remember last week when you needed me to send you something to your phone from your laptop when you were in class?”

No no no no no no

“I accidentally came across your search history and...”

Which escape way is better? Window or door?

“And I thought you were just curious and I didn’t want to say anything,”

Stop talking already, maybe Peter should just hold his breath until he passes out.

“But now I can see that absolutely massive hickey on your neck and I’m just wondering, is it from her? You know who I mean?” May says your name in an overly teasing way and nudges his arm. Damn, he’d forgotten all about the hickey and maybe now he understood why so many people, especially other guys, were smiling at him in a somewhat congratulatory way his whole way home.

Peter’s not going to get out of this situation so quickly so he just decides to tell the truth already. Or at least the most important answer which is a simple “Yes” to May’s question.

“So who confessed first? I always knew she liked you as much as you like her!”

“It’s not.. quite like that. I mean we’re not together but we’re... something.” He doesn’t know how to answer the question himself, and he especially isn’t going to reveal all the details to May.

“Well I know you like her, and I know love can be complicated at your age, it’s still complicated at mine,” And Peter’s just got all these pictures of her and Happy Hogan in his mind and a shiver runs down his back.

“But I also know you’re not stupid, you’re both old enough to make your own decisions. And as long as you make sure you don’t have any baby Peters running around here soon I’m not going to bother you any further on this topic.” Finally she reveals what’s been behind her back the whole time, a pack of condoms that she puts down on Peter’s bed.

“So if she wants it too, then I trust you, just tell me if you ever want the place for yourselves - not too often but she’s a nice girl, pretty too.” May finally gets up to leave the room and although it’s awkward Peter thanks her, because it’s truly nice to have her care for him and pay attention to his life. She is basically his parent, after all.

She’s nearly down the hall before she comes back pointing a finger at Peter, “And always remember, consent is cool!”

“Obviously.” Peter comments because he wouldn’t ever think of anything else, even if the phrase sounds kind of lame.

Has Peter’s jawline always been this sharp?

Have his eyes always been this bright and beautiful? His hair always so perfectly messy?

Either way, you’re noticing it right now and it’s affecting you.

It’s your last lesson after a long day and you’ve been waiting all day to finally get out of this class, out of sheer boredom.

But now you just want to get out of this class to get your mouth on Peter.

The professor’s given you a small break so everyone’s talking, Peter leaning back on his chair and turned around to talk to Ned.

He’s laughing about something Ned told him and fuck he looks good.

And then you think about his personality, absolutely godlike.

He’s looking at you now, saying something seemingly interesting but all you can think about is how you have the sudden urge to give him a mindblowing orgasm. He’s too beautiful to be true.

“... brilliant, right?” He looks at you with enthusiasm and you feel like he might’ve just told you something funny or cool so you just give a small nod. But he knows this look on you that he’s had the honour of witnessing a few times before. You try to think of something to say that will at least give the impression that you were listening to what he just told you, when suddenly the pencil between your fingers snaps in half.

“Are you free after class?” You ask, completely disregarding Peter and Ned’s shocked looks, only to conceal that your neediness really just drove you far enough to break a pen.

“Ned and I are going to a Christmas market tonight but I have a few hours before.”

“You should totally come with us to the market, I’m bringing Betty too!” Ned chimes in and you’re not sure if this is his attempt of a double date but you agree anyway, telling Peter to come with you to your place later.

“Ladies first.” Peter points to the only empty seat on the bus when he makes sure there’s no old or pregnant people that need the seat more than you.

“You go sit.” You tell him and after this long, exhausting day at college he’s not going to deny it.

Just a moment after he sits down you follow him, sitting on his lap. You’re aware that he knows what your plan is but you don’t care. You even want Peter to know how much he’s turning you on by simply being himself.

You still manage to be subtle considering the people around you, how you’re able to grind on him with the turns, curves, stopping and accelerating of the bus.

When it’s finally the stop you have to get off at you take Peter’s hand in yours and although he’s busy covering his crotch area with his backpack, he can’t help but feel butterflies in his stomach at your touch.

Just last week you nearly hit him when his fingers barely grazed yours in public and now you’re openly showing affection? It’s probably just because you’re horny, Peter has to remind himself, but he likes holding your hand either way.

Peter - already shirtless - immediately gets his hands on your pants when you stumble to your bed, but your hands push his away, “I want today to be about you, Peter.” You reveal to him and he’s already blushing.

“You know I love doing that, right?” His fingers have been on your clit at least six times in the past week, “Making you feel good is enough to get me off, I love watching you c-”

“I know, but I also want to make you feel good like that. I’d like to make you feel good like you make me feel good.” He stops objecting at that, watches you sink to your knees in front of the bed and his hand is already on his crotch trying to get some much needed relief. His hands go to unbutton his jeans but you swat them away and get to pull them off yourself.

He says your name three times but you ignore him until he says “No.”, only to get your attention.

“Huh?” You look up at him and he thinks that maybe he could just cum by looking at you, your lower lip swollen from continuously biting it.

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” He asks.

“Yes, are you?”

“More than sure.”

“If I can’t help myself anymore and end up hurting you or you want to stop, just tap on my knee twice, okay?” He knows that sometimes he gets lost like he’s in a trance when he’s with you, but if his cock is in your mouth you won’t be able to say when it’s too much so he wants to make sure.

“I won’t but okay. Will you let me get my mouth on you now?” You smile innocently and he nods, swallowing hard.

You pull his jeans off completely and get rid of your t-shirt before your hands are all over him and you come up one last time to kiss him on the mouth and anywhere you can reach, really.

“I can’t believe I get to date someone this hot,” you mumble and Peter gets even harder at that? Did you just say date?

He has no more time to think about that one word that was maybe only said in the heat of the moment when your hands find his boxers and now he’s naked in front of you.

You want nothing more than to finally feel Peter’s cock in your mouth for the first time. You spit in your palm, look up at him and are about to start jerking him off when he pulls you up by your biceps.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t like knowing you have to be on the uncomfortable floor.” He says a little bashfully and gets you on the bed with him. “Aw,” you take the opportunity to get rid of your pants and bra, all you’re wearing in front of him are your panties now.

And Peter’s never really seen you just like this and again he feels like he could cum just at the sight. His hands have felt you before but actually being able to see all the glory that’s usually covered by your clothes makes him even more attracted to you and he didn’t even know that was possible.

“Can I?” You position yourself between his legs with your hands squeezing your breasts and he all but drools before giving you permission.

When your wet palm first wraps around his hard cock he puts his hands awkwardly on his chest. You give him a smile that’s simply so sweet and it should nearly be impossible how good your hand feels on him.

This is going to be the death of him, Peter thinks, and it would be the best way to die.

“Relax, Peter.” You see him place his arms next to his body, not knowing what to do.

Usually he’s the one who has his hands on you but in this position he doesn’t quite know where to put them.

“You can put your hands in my hair and guide me so I know what I’m doing is good or not so good,” and by now Peter’s leaking on his own abs, “Twice on your knee if I’m uncomfortable,” you add so he won’t worry about that.

He places his hand on your head and adjusts it a bit until he gets a nice grip and now you understand what he likes so much about you touching his hair - and he doesn’t miss how your eyes flutter shut for a second.

Then your hand wraps around him and that’s the only thing he can concentrate on, bucking his hips up involuntarily.

After a few seconds you start using your tongue, trailing around the head of his cock and you hum when you finally taste him (- fuck he won’t last long.)

Your hand stays wrapped around the base of his cock while you give kitten licks to the length of him creating a wet sound that is so dirty he gets harder if that’s even possible at this point.

Your fingers shortly go to his balls before you start using your mouth on him completely, enveloping the tip of his cock in the warmth of your tongue.

His hand in your hair is more for comfort, he doesn’t have to or want to be rough with you, and he tries to savour the feeling of when you start hollowing your cheeks further and he closes his eyes.

You start bobbing your head up and down further along his cock, only your hand at the base of him and the rest disappearing in your mouth with your tongue doing enough work to make him cum if he wasn’t concentrating on lasting longer.

He gets even closer when he opens his eyes briefly and sees you drooling all over yourself and how absolutely perfect you look with your lips wrapped around him.

“F-fuck I’m close.” He warns so you can pull away and let him cum on your body or his own hand, but you only double up your efforts.

His hand tightens in your hair with his whole body tensing as pleasure takes over. You pull your mouth back only to let him see how his spurts of cum hit your tongue with your hand steadily jerking him off, letting him ride out his pleasure.

Even when he’s finished, your lips wrap around him again for a few seconds before he gently pulls you away from him by your hair.

You sit up and go to wipe your mouth but he kisses you before you have a chance to.

“Fuck.” He mumbles.

“Fuck.” You agree with a smile.

“Do you want me to-” he starts but you give him a quick kiss.

“No you don’t have to. Fuck I’m exhausted, that was already awesome enough.”

He chuckles but he’s actually slightly red and sweaty… and shy.

“Glad to know you enjoyed it too.” You only hum as you watch him pick his boxers back up and he’s looking at you as well.

He enjoys just being able to see you so comfortable in front of him, completely naked except for your panties, especially after you told him how self-conscious you were at times. Even Peter who never really had any doubts about his body was still shy when he’s naked in front of you. So he appreciates that you’re comfortable enough around him and willing to show yourself like that in front of him like that all the more.

Your eyes shut and he can see how tired you are, but he also takes in the wet stain on your panties between your legs.

“You sure you don’t need me to take care of you?” Your eyes open again at that.

His hands slip under the waistband of your panties and you arch into him when he touches your clit.

“Fuck I’m so wet.” You can’t help but let out a whimper and move to your back and pull a leg up to give Peter better access already.

“Yeah, I can feel.” He looks down to catch a glimpse of your heat that he’s so far only ever touched but not seen, “God, you’re fucking soaked.”

“I know and I want to cum,” You lean in to Peter to get him to apply more pressure.

His middle finger starts to circle your clit like he’s learnt to do in the past few weeks.

It’s not even a minute later when you cum with a silent cry of Peter’s name and with your eyes closed.

Peter’s so close to you, watching you and he feels so deeply for you it almost hurts. But it only hurts because he has to keep reminding himself that he’s only doing this so you can end up in another guy’s bed and that you don’t actually care about him as more than a friend and that this isn’t ever going to exceed a friends with benefits type of relationship if not less.

His fingers are still in your panties and he can feel how soaked his finger is. It‘s been like that a few times already and for some reason he was scared to taste you - well he wanted nothing more than to taste you. But for another inexplicable reason he was scared that you would think he was weird for wanting to do so, but you‘d basically just done the same to him so he moves his finger up to his face. But your fingers wrap around his wrist and then you suck his finger into your own mouth before he can taste you.

“Leave some for me.“ He fake-whines and you release his finger with a pop and stick your tongue out at him.

“I mean there‘s plenty left down there… can I eat you out?“ He raises his eyebrow questioningly.

“Sorry, I‘m too exhausted.“

“That‘s okay, pretty girl, no need to apologise.“ He probably shouldn’t be calling you anything other than your name because he‘ll just fall for you deeper, but he can‘t resist calling you cute nicknames and he loves the way you shyly smile at them.

But also… you did use the word ‘dating‘ before… Maybe you‘ve changed your mind? And you want Peter as much as he wants you, as a real relationship? He doesn‘t want to get too hopeful before he has clarity.

“Hey - you said something earlier when you-“

“Before you even continue - I can‘t be held accountable for anything I say while I‘m horny, okay?“ You point a finger at him playfully and he tries to hide how his smile slowly fades.

“Could you pass me my bag?“ Peter reaches for your bag and you get out a fresh pair of panties which you change into under the covers.

“You bring extra panties with you in case I make you ruin them, huh?“ He smirks.

“Well actually they‘re for if I get my period while I’m out, but I guess with you being so damn irresistible all the time that‘s also a valid reason to carry around a fresh pair.“

Then sometimes, you say stuff like that and Peter has no idea what it means. Friends don‘t say that, right? But friends don‘t do any of the other stuff you and Peter have been doing lately, so he really doesn‘t know what to think.

“I want to take a nap.“ You announce and cuddle up to Peter on the bed, he can feel your naked breasts against his side. And if your calm breathing hadn‘t lulled him to sleep he‘d have gotten hard again.

Peter wakes up with you on his lap, fully dressed and freshened up.

“We’re late to the Christmas market, Ned and Betty are already there, come on get up!” You bounce on the bed giddily, dragging him to get up but because it’s you he happily obliges, even in his sleepy state.

While Betty shows you something on her phone with you holding her arm to warm up in the cold winter of New York (Peter wishes he could hold you like that in public) and Ned’s busy buying chocolate covered fruit, Peter sneaks off to buy you a gift.

He’s actually got one already, for the Holiday season and you two made a promise not to get each other too much or anything expensive, or nothing at all if you can‘t find anything good, but he spots something so perfect that he just has to get it.

You all stay out late, slurping winter punch and you even take Peter’s hand at some point - in public! - and when you notice him smiling down at your intertwined hands you claim it’s just because you’re cold.

Despite knowing that your relationship will turn back to purely a friendship after you have your first time and you have your fun with this other guy, Peter barely thinks about it. For now he’s just enjoying the time he does have with you and in his own head no one can tell him you’re not acting like boyfriend and girlfriend.

It’s the best time he’s ever had in his life - even outside of the mind-blowing new sexual experiences, he gets to spend so much time with you he could almost dance with joy every time.

Just last week Peter fingered you for the first time.

You’d talked to him about how you’ve been trying to get used to the feeling of your own fingers inside of you (and just the thought of you lying in your bed late at night doing that made Peter unbelievably turned on).

But then you pointed out how his fingers were much bigger and it seemed like you felt pretty strongly about that, which in return might have made him a little proud. You’d let out the most gorgeous whimpers, clenching around two of his fingers in the end and he’ll give you as much time as you need but he really can’t wait to feel that around his cock.

And when he told you that May was going to be gone for the whole weekend, you’d responded asking if he had condoms… So that means…? You’re going to… have sex? (He asked and you said yes.)

So now he’s been stressed all day, showered twice already, put fresh covers on the bed, cleaned his room like he never has before and made sure that he had all your favourite snacks at home.

On one hand, he knows he’s overreacting - it’s you. And he feels so comfortable around you and knows you would think it’s silly how worried he is to make everything perfect and he tells himself to chill.

But on the other hand, time flies when you’re having fun and Peter really hadn’t fully registered that it was the last weekend before the winter holidays. And winter holidays meant that you were going to meet dumb already graduated from college guy and have sex with him.

But Peter can count himself lucky to be your first… and like the last few weeks, he’ll forget all about the other guy as soon as you’re over because when you’re with him there’s no room in his head for a single other thing, so he knows it’ll all work out.

It won’t just work out, but it’ll be amazing, anything to do with you is.

It’s past sunset when you come over. It really calms Peter down how relaxed you seem, still nervous but just as comfortable around him as he is around you, and you don’t even move on to anything sexual for the first two hours. And no matter what other guy you’ll end up sleeping with or don’t, you two will always have that special friendship bond that even him and Ned don’t have on that type of level.

Peter thinks you don’t notice how much he’s cleaned up and how squeaky clean he smells, but you definitely do and smile at how much effort he’s put into making you feel special, with all your favourite foods stocked up as well.

When you look at him in that special way that so far in this world only he has got to see, he knows it’s time.

It’s beautiful as ever; how your clothes come off piece by piece, needy but slow nevertheless.

You’re both in only your underwear by now and the kisses along with your heavy breathing are the only sounds to be heard in the room and if Peter tried, he would only fail to explain how honoured he feels to be experiencing this with you for the first time (little does he know exactly how good he always makes you feel in return).

He’s kissing down your chest and over your belly now, you can tell where his destination is. “Oh, Peter - you know you don’t have to do that, your fingers are enough but even if that’s too much to ask you don-”

“No, let me make you feel good.” He purrs from between your legs and they widen, inviting him in. But just an inch above your panties he stops “I mean do you want me to? Is that cool?” (Consent is cool, he remembers.)

“Only if you truly don’t mind, then that would be... really cool.” You perch yourself up on your elbows to look at him, not only because you know how much Peter enjoys eye contact, but you want to enjoy the view too.

And he doesn’t really understand why you hadn’t let him get his tongue on you like he plans on doing now before - you’d given him head and you definitely didn’t mind and even you realise that - especially with Peter - you have not a single reason to be insecure.

Your panties come off and he lies mesmerised between your legs even while you unclasp your bra and then you’re completely naked.

But this - he takes two of his fingers to spread your lips and you’re already so wet that he can smell you, and it’s so luscious when he finally gets to taste you.

His tongue laps everything you give him (he actually has no idea what he’s doing - him and Ned googling was months ago by now and he’s half under the covers and he can’t have his tongue and eyes at the same place at the same time so he uses pure instinct and for once he’s right).

His tongue trails along your swollen folds and this is better than he could have ever imagined.

You make noises, rooted deep in your throat and you half-swallow them so they come out even more desperate and he knows you’re close.

“You can use me, just do whatever feels good.” He says hastily, spending as little time as possible with his mouth not on you. You give a small ‘okay’ and you’re so far gone it’s the hottest thing ever.

He expected a little more resistance because he knows how nervous you are about basically having your pussy in Peter’s face for the first time (which you have no reason to be because he might be enjoying this more than you), but the second the words leave his mouth, your body shifts, your legs on his shoulders moving further down so you’re right in his face as your hips find a new rhythm.

And Peter can barely believe it.

The girl he’s known for so long, been “just friends” with for so long, is grinding her perfect, deliciously sticky pussy on his tongue. You’re arching your back, all but using him to get off and there’s truly never been anything sweeter than when you cum on his tongue, moans no longer held back but loud and so damn obscene, that he nearly cums in his boxers again but he can refrain from grinding his hips on the mattress, saving himself only for you.

(And not that he’s thinking about it- but getting his heart broken by you afterwards would be worth it just for even this one moment).

Even when your legs start shaking around him you don’t stop but rather pull his hair to encourage him to go longer, he doesn’t let up until you’re pushing his head away, and even then you whine at the loss of contact.

“Oh fuck, that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.” And Peter prides himself on the way you’re panting and your chest is heaving. (Maybe he’s officially acquired the sex skills he’s been trying to attain to make you fall in love with him…?)

You get his boxers off so quick he nearly lines himself up with your dripping heat without a condom, but you both realise at the last second, even laughing at your neediness but then the kissing continues and you get even more needy.

Just before you‘re about to spread your legs further Peter presses the most chaste of kisses to your lips and to tell him if it hurts. You bring your legs up to your chest and you have a feeling you‘re close again when Peter‘s cock brushes your entrance.

“Okay?“

“I‘m ready.“

It‘s nearly impossible not to bury himself inside of you completely because you‘re so wet, but he manages to stop before even being inside of you an inch.

You nod so he knows he can go on but your expression becomes more pained with the second and despite how good you feel around his cock, he can‘t enjoy it if you aren‘t.

“Do you want me to stop? I don‘t want to hurt you.“ He says softly, his hand at the side of your face, caressing your hair.

“You could never hurt me, Peter,“ And if he wasn‘t in love, before he falls for you right then and there,“You can go on.“

And he does.

A single tear falls from each one of your eyes but you insist he goes on and he can‘t deny how good you feel. But he wants to last longer, until you‘re more used to the foreign feeling and can enjoy it too, though with the way you‘re squeezing his cock with every half-thrust, you make that really hard.

“Fuck,“ he mumbles and your body rocks against him slightly.

“If you can last only a little longer, I‘ll cum with you.“ You say, your eyes half shut in pleasure, half in pain and for that he manages to last a bit more.

His fingers find your clit and he rubs in sloppy circles until you‘re finally enjoying it too and his mission is accomplished when you cry out his name and now he can let go too.

He thrusts into you a few more times, trying to be gentle and you‘re equally exhausted afterwards.

“That was-“ he starts, “amazing.“ you finish.

“Really?“ Were you not just crying?

“It did hurt, but I‘m still glad I could have my first experience with you.“ Your finger grazes his chest and you kiss him there and he realises, with that it‘s probably over.

It‘s your goodbye to doing this type of thing and although he‘s sad knowing you‘ll be going off soon, he‘s also happy knowing he still has time and it‘s not like you‘ve actually made a decision yet - maybe his plan worked and he persuaded you to stay, with his sex skills… (yeah... probably not). But he doesn‘t ask because you‘re still staying and he appreciates every second he spends with you.

“Sorry for ruining your fresh sheets..“

“So you did notice,“ Peter smiles.

“Of course I did - I also noticed how you had all my favourite snacks - and I don‘t mean you -“ (oh that‘s new), “ was all very sweet of you.“ You kiss him.

Wearing some of his clothes now, you insisted on helping him soak the blood stain on his sheets. May very likely already knows what‘s going on already and she doesn‘t have to know even more. Though you do think it‘s cool how she gave Peter the condoms, although he was blushing furiously when he told you the story.

Bed freshly made (again) you lie together, looking at each other - sometimes talking and sometimes it‘s just a more than pleasant silence.

You‘re not sure if he‘s asleep already, when you roll on top of him with a coy smile as you start kissing along his jawline and your favourite place in the middle of his throat, “I know we just changed your sheets, but can we have sex again?“ With the way you‘re so innocently smiling he can‘t believe that you‘d be horny to want to do it again straight away.

“I think this time it‘s going to hurt less and I want to give you the full experience, without me crying and stuff. Also, we can put a towel down.“ You laugh but he can tell you actually feel bad, when technically he was the one who hurt you, even if it was just a bit.

“For me, that was more than amazing, you don‘t have to go through all that again just because you feel bad for me. there’s nothing to feel bad about..“

“So you don‘t want to have sex with me?“ (Okay he knows this pout and you are horny after all.)

The second time is a lot better for you.

You fall asleep in Peter‘s arms, both happy.

But then that dreaded day comes when you‘re meant to be visiting that asshole.

Even worse - it turns out he‘s a friend of a friend of your family and he‘ll be spending your whole winter trip - over one entire week - with you and your family and you won‘t have any internet, not even any service.

You don’t say anything when he’s waving you goodbye but he has this feeling that this is over.

May, Ned and their presents can only make Peter forget for a limited amount of time and although the holidays are still nice, there are many moments where he has to think about you.

It seems like even the criminals of New York are celebrating the holidays so being Spider-Man for a bit isn‘t an option to forget about you for a bit either.

Hey, he types in his phone into his text message chat with you.

Peter: Hey

Peter: I know you’re with that other guy now

Peter: Probably

Peter: But I like you

Peter: And in the last few weeks I felt like you like me too?

Peter: So maybe if you don’t like that other guy too much we could... be together? Or something maybe

The text messages are absolute shit but it doesn‘t really matter anymore.

You come back a day early, text a “I don‘t get it if it‘s a joke…?“ and a minute later you‘re at his door.

“What are you talking about? Was that a joke I didn’t understand?“ You repeat.

He doesn‘t want to start hoping again before you have a proper conversation in his room.

“So… uh - the other guy..?“

“Peter - I know we‘re not together, I know neither of us have explicitly said that but I thought.. I like you. You’re the one I like. You, Peter. I haven’t wanted that guy for ages. I thought it was kind of obvious …”

“Well I just wasn‘t sure because for example the one time you said something about how we‘re dating - you said that when you were uh… on your knees- afterwards you were all like ‘I can‘t be held accountable for anything I said when I was horny’ so…“ He really doesn’t want to get his hopes up again before he has full certainty.

You giggle, “Peter what I meant was that I didn‘t want you to tease me about anything I say while I‘m horny when we‘re not in bed together, like how I said how good you taste or something.” You respond shyly.

“You never said that.“ He blushes.

“Well I thought it..”

“So you really like me?”

“Of course you dummy,” you want to smack him up the head for really thinking you’d be such a bitch to do all that with him only to get together with another guy, “And if it’s not obvious enough yet, I want to be your girlfriend. So would you like... like to be my boyfriend?”

“Yes obviously!” He beams and you press a kiss to his lips, “That was our first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend.” He smiles and then you remember your gift for him.

“Well since my boyfriend is so good at giving gifts - that Fenty lipgloss you gave me is way too expensive! But I don’t have to tell you, you’re the one who bought it-”

“I was thinking your lips look extra shiny today… and are a bit sticky and I probably have lipgloss on my lips now but if it looks anywhere near as cute as it does on you, I don’t care.” He shrugs happily.

“And I’m not only wearing the lipgloss you gave me-”

“Wait!” He interrupts you once again and you just really want to show him what you got.

“When we were at that Christmas market I saw Betty show you something on her phone and I was unsure whether to get it or not because I didn’t know what we… were? But now I know what we are and it’s okay if you don’t want to wear it but… I’ll just show you.”

Oh no - did Peter get you clothes? Even you sometimes get your own size wrong if you don’t try it on before..

But your eyes go wide when he pulls out a little blue box. “Peter, whatever’s in there we’re too young to marry and also I feel bad now because I’m sure that definitely exceeds the price limit we set and I didn’t even come close to it, if I’m honest I couldn’t even think of a materialistic gift… not really.” But he’s still smiling.

“You being mine is the greatest gift ever.”

“Stop being cheesy and just show me what’s in there.”

“Close your eyes.” You do.

His hands go around your neck and you feel a lightweight pendant rest only an inch below the gap between your collar bones, “Can I open my eyes?”

He clasps it securely and leans back to his normal position in front of you. “Uh-huh, but seriously if you don’t like it you don’t have to wear it.” You can hear the nervousness in his voice but you open your eyes and your finger immediately go to the little letter “P” hanging from the necklace and you nearly tear up.

“Am I really that bad of a gift-giver?-” He worries, seeing you cry.

“I love it,” He’s positively surprised and you really don’t understand why, “That way everyone can finally know I’m yours.” You kiss him once more but he pulls back.

“Do you want that?..” And now you understand why he hesitated with the present.

You’re the one who made him feel as if you didn’t want him, not like that, only because you were too stupid to talk about your feelings openly and he’d gone a whole week thinking you were with some stupid other guy that you now realise might have only been an excuse to get with Peter in the first place - subconsciously at least.

“Yes - there’s nothing I want more than you,” A tear slips from your eye at the thought of how you made him feel - for making him feel as if you didn’t want him equally as much as he wanted you for even just a second.

“Hey, don’t cry - we’ve got each other now and that’s all that matters.” He hugs you so tight it squeezes all the tears out of you and his happiness radiates off of him and on to you.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I don’t want that. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine and now I want to make up for all the time that we weren’t together and with this necklace the whole world will know too and I’m so in love with you it’s- uh I mean…” you ramble and realise you just absolutely used the words ‘in love’ - you’ve got Peter now and don’t already want to scare him off.

“You mean..?”

“Well actually… I did mean what I said - I’m in love with you,” But hiding the truth is what kept you apart all those weeks so you decide to be honest, “if you’re not ready you don’t have to say-”

“I’m in love with you, too.”

“Really?” You’re both grinning.

“Yeah… I realised a while ago.. “

You’re hugging again because it’s just too overwhelming, to finally be together and you’re so so happy that it’s Peter you’re with. And once again you remind yourself of the only gift you have for him.

“The only thing I bought is something for me, as I was trying to tell you earlier. So it’s not directly for you, nothing you can keep-”

“Doesn’t matter.” Peter chimes in. He really couldn’t care less about materialistic things, not when he has you (okay the necklace is quite cute, but he knows you’re his even without the first letter of his name around your neck.)

“But I think you’ll still like it.”

Without another word you pull your sweatshirt over your head (making sure the necklace stays on and Peter takes notice of that) to reveal some lacy lingerie, and he’s already hard.

“Second best gift ever.” He mumbles as he lies you down on your back to hover over you, he’s already touching you with so much lust in his eyes but what you also realise is love.

“The necklace is the number one best gift.” You announce.

“No, the best gift is that I get to call you mine.”

You can only smile at that, at a loss for words because he’s already undressing you, his lips along your thighs.

“Wait no.” You stop him and he sits up.

“Let me be on top?” You straddle him and get rid of your lingerie - everything except the necklace.

And it’s all for him. Only for him. And he sees your smile and he knows that it’s just you and him. It’s you and him together, you and him against the world.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker smut #peter parker #peter parker x you #you people gave this 4k notes last time and idk why 😭 rereading this was painful lskdjfghjksfjghrjs (only some of it)#fem!reader #selfcarecap

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writing-wh0re · 3 years

Note

I can have one where Peter is a fuck boy and unknowingly slept with Y/N (stark) and they meet at the tower on a group meeting day. (and he in front of the avengers pretends to be innocent). Love you

All writing will be #writing-wh0re-requests.

Peter Park x Female Reader - Tony Stark's Daughter.

Words: 3,625 - longest I've ever written.

Warnings: Smut18+, Vaginal intercourse, Male and Female Performing Oral, Praise Kink, Unprotected Sex, Fuckboy Peter Parker, Angst.

A/n: I hope you enjoy this, I took three hours to write and edit this. I got a little carried away with it (I think) and I apologise for it being sooo long.

So far your senior year had been amazing, you were destined to finish top of your class which would make your dad happy and you had also been offered an internship with him, which some of your classmates thought was bullshit but hey, considering you didn’t want to go to some flashy expensive school, you were doing pretty good, even with your dad’s help.

That was until you went out to your first party with your best friend Macie, she thought it was about time you let loose and have fun. You didn’t want to go and had even told your mum and dad who only encouraged you to go out, so that plan backfired. So here you were, standing in Macie’s living room, red solo cup in your hand while dancing with your best friend, happy to have listened to her for once and let loose.

“How do you know this many people?”

Macie shakes her head “I don't know them, they’re Tyler’s friends from his school.” I nod in agreement, looking around the room for Tyler, Macie's boyfriend who is chatting with a guy I’ve never seen before. His brown slightly curly hair, puppy dog eyes and a smile that causes butterflies inside of my stomach. Macie grabs my shoulder, following my line of sight before laughing and shaking her head.

“Peter Parker.”

“Peter Parker” I repeat his name, loving the way it sounds as it falls from my lips. “He’s fucking hot.”

Macie laughs at me before nodding. “Yeah he’s alright, he goes to school with Tyler. He’s a bit of a ladies man but I don’t know too much about him.”

“He’s into science and technology?” I almost feel bad for questioning the boy's intelligence, judging him solely on his handsome appearance.

“Yeah, Tyler, Peter and a guy called Ned won their last science fair two weeks ago.” Macie informs. “Let's go say hi.” Macie grabs my arm pulling me through the body’s of unknown teenagers before we come face to face with Peter and Tyler.

“Hey babe, we were just talking about you.” Tyler pulls Macie into his side, kissing the side of her head.

My eyes fall to Peter, both of us smiling at each other. I feel my skin fall hot slightly as his eyes wander over my body. I mentally thank myself for wearing my red leather shirt and lace crop top.

“I’m Peter.”

“Y/n.” I smile before hearing someone clear their throat. Turning my attention to Macie, a cocky smirk on her face.

“Tyler and I want to play beer pong, want to join?”

“You’d have to be partners though.” Tyler quickly adds, before walking away with Macie to the table to set the game up, not even waiting for a response.

I look to my side slightly silently asking Peter if he’d like to join.

“I need words Y/n.” I take in a sharp breath at what Peter just said to me.

“Uh, would you, um like to be my partner for beer pong?” Peter licks his lips before smirking at me.

“Of course.” His hand falls to the middle of my back as he guides me to the table Tyler and Macie had just set up. Macie raises her eyebrow at me, causing me to blush and shake my head, knowing exactly what she is thinking.

“Okay so standard rules, but we haven’t decided what the winner gets yet.” Tyler states.

I watch Macie stand on her tippy toes whispering something into Tylers ear causing him to chuckle.

“Okay, the winner has to make out with their team member.”

I sigh at my best friend before nodding.

“Fine, okay.”

“Sound a little more excited.” Peter whispers, flicking his eyes from mine to my lips. I roll my eyes, ignoring his comment as Macie flips a coin.

“Heads.” I call quickly, watching Macie reveal the coin, heads being the winner.

Tyler throws Peter the ball, catching it perfectly in one swift motion.

“Fuck.” I whisper to myself, seeing him smirk slightly. He surely didn’t hear me, did he?

I stand beside Peter as he lines up the first shot, landing the ball into the cup causing Tyler to groan.

“Lucky shot.” Macie mumbles before lining up to take her shot, missing the cup as I pout.

“Awh Mace.” Macie narrows her eyes at me before flipping me off.

I grab the ball, lining up the shot, before I can let go of the ball, Peter’s hand falls to my elbow, his other placed in the middle on my back.

“Lower, otherwise you’ll miss and we want to win.” His warm breath fans my neck causing my heartbeat to pick up. I let the ball slip through my fingertips, missing the cup I was originally planning on but landing the ball in the one behind.

“That’s unfair.” Macie complains before drinking from the cup.

The game continues with us losing our lead, until the last cup for both teams. I take a deep breath, knowing it's my go and praying that I won’t miss this shot.

“Breathe, lower your arm, line it up and sink it.” Peter whispers, his lips against my ear, his hands placed on my hips. I follow his instructions, taking a breath, lowering my arm and letting go of the ball. The room feels like it slows down as the ball bounces on the table, landing into the cup.

“Good girl.”

An uncontrollable whimper leaves my lips which causes his grip on my hips to tighten, feeling my arousal pool in my panties.

“Holy shit, you won!” Macie cheers, clapping her hands as Tyler follows suit.

I don’t get a chance to respond to Macie as my body is spun around, my chest bumping into Peter’s. One of his hands cupping my cheek, the other still on my hip, his lips locking onto mine. I feel my body relax against his lips, putting my arms around his neck deepening our kiss.

Peter smiles against my lips, everyone around us whooping and hollering at our interaction. We pull away from each other, before he leans back in, quickly pecking my lips.

*Optional but I listened to this song while writing this next part*

“I love this song, Y/n come dance.” Macie almost squeals, grabbing my arm and pulling me from Peter’s embrace. “Was that as good as it looked?”

“God yes.”

Macie smiles at me before mouthing the words ‘she got that rich girl la vibe.’ gesturing to me as I flip my hair over my shoulder, laughing at my best friend. Macies hands fall to my hips, swaying to the beat with me, I place my arms around her neck singing the words with her.

Macie goes wide eyed slightly before letting go of my hips, I raise my eyebrow about to protest her actions before feeling a familiar grip. I tilt my head back, resting on his shoulder grinding my ass against his crotch, his grip tightening on my hips.

“Behave.”

I roll my eyes, spinning around in his embrace, without a second thought I lean forward, kissing up his neck before softly biting his earlobe.

“Make me.” I dont have a second to think before I’m being pulled behind Peter, a smug smile on my face. He drags me through the crowd, banging on the bathroom door before pulling me through the door with him.

His lips are instantly on mine, my back against the door, his fingertips running up and down my sides. I grab his wandering hand, placing it on my boob causing him to groan softly. I bite his bottom lip, pulling back as our eyes lock together. His lips fall to my neck, kissing and biting the skin.

“You’re fucking gorgeous.”

His compliment causes a shiver to run down my spine, my fingers running through his hair, pulling on his curly locks earning a moan from his lips. The warmth of his body leaves mine, grabbing my hips and picking me up, I softly squeal, shocked how easily he lifted me. Peter places me on the bathroom counter, tugging on top as I pull the flimsy lace fabric from my body, his lips instantly kissing my boobs, swiping his tongue across my nipple.

“Fuck.” I hiss, watching Peter pull my nipple between his teeth. Peter kisses down my body, pulling my skirt up letting it sit around my waist.

“You’re dripping for me.” Peter presses against my clit through the fabric of my g-string. I slowly rock my hips up, attempting to get some friction.

“Needy little girl.”

I whimper at his words, feeling myself become wetter by the second. A gasp falls from my lips as Peter pulls my panties to the side, blowing on my glistening heat.

“Please.” I beg, causing Peter to chuckle. He trails feather light kisses up my thighs before licking a stripe from my core to my clit. On instinct my fingers tangle in his hair, my head falling back against the mirror, mouth agape as moans and gasps fall from my lips like water.

“Yes, fuck.”

Peter slides a finger inside of me, causing my pussy to clench around the contact. His lips cover my clit, sucking on the bundle of nerves earning a hiss from me. Peter adds another finger, pumping in and out of my pussy, my hand slaps across my mouth, muffling my cries of pleasure. Peter looks up at me, using his free hand to pull my elbow.

“Let me hear you.”

I flutter my eyes closed, Peter’s lips on my thigh, sucking and biting the skin, his fingers still buried deep inside of me.

“I’m close.”

The second the words escape me, I regret them. Peter pulls away from me, standing to undress himself. Without a second thought I fall to my knees, looking up at him through my lashes.

“Naughty girl.”

My hands fall to his pants, unbuttoning his jeans before hurriedly unzipping them. I palm his cock through his underwear, a breathless moan escaping from his lips. I tug at the fabric, having his help to pull it off. His dick springs free, my breath hitching at the size of him.

I take him in my hand, pumping up and down slowly, swirling my tongue around the head. Peter bites his lip, his fingers brushing through my hair, his eyes focusing on my every move. I lick from the base to the tip before taking him fully in my mouth, bobbing my head up and down. The sounds Peter makes cause my pussy to ache, his fingers pull on my hair, helping to guide my mouth. I gag around him as he hits the back of my throat, an unholy sound falling from his lips at the contact.

Peter pulls my mouth off him, pulling me up by my arms, placing me on the counter again. I grab his cock, running it up and down my slit, causing Peter to chuckle.

“Someone’s eager.” I simply answer him by positioning his cock at my entrance, hooking my legs around his waist to pull him into me.

I moan at the feeling of him inside of me, his eyes flutter closed at the contact, moaning at the sensation.

“You feel so good.” I smirk at him, watching his eyes flick to where our bodies meet, his thumb brushing against my clit.

I pull Peter closer to me, locking our lips together as he slides in and out of me, deeper with each thrust, causing my body to tingle, the speed of his thumb picking up before slowing right back down.

I pull away from our kiss, trailing kisses down his jaw, running my tongue down his neck, sucking and biting the skin. Peter grips my ass at the contact of my lips, spanking me hard as I rack my nails down his back.

“Just like that Peter.” I whisper in his ear, softly biting his earlobe as he groans.

“Fucking so good.”

I feel the band inside of me tighten, my pussy tightening around his cock.

“Cum for me, come on baby.” My eyes roll back, shocks of electricity flowing through me, holding onto Peter tight. Peter moans against my shoulder, biting the skin before finding his own release.

Before he pulls out, Peter kisses me, holding my face in his hands.

“You’re incredible.” Blush heats up my cheeks as he pulls out of me, hissing at the loss of contact. Peter and I both get dressed quickly, walking back out to the party, moving through the crowd to find Macie and Tyler.

I lock eyes with Macie as her mouth falls open, quickly rushing over to me and pulling me away from Peter.

“You had sex.”

“Shh, don’t tell the whole party.”

Macie rolls her eyes, moving my hair over my shoulder before wincing.

“Have fun explaining that one to your dad.”

I go wide eyed slightly, turning to the hallway mirror and seeing three hickies on my neck.

“Fucking hell.”

Macie chuckles at my expense, pulling me with her to go back to Peter and Tyler. I frown my brows, Tyler now by himself.

“Uh, where did Peter go?” I question as Tyler shrugs. I quickly look around the living room, my eyes landing on Peter watching him slip out the front door without a word.

“Did he just leave?” Macie asks almost dumb founded.

“Guess so.”

“Don’t beat yourself up Y/n, just be lucky you didn’t sleep with Peter, he’s a bit of a fuckboy to be honest.” Tyler chuckles as I feel my body fall cold. Tyler looks between myself and Macie, choking on his drink slightly. “You fucked him.”

“I’m going to head home.” I mumble, Macie quickly pulling me into a hug, walking me to her front door, the same one Peter had just ducked out of.

“You can stay.”

“It’s fine Macie, I want to shower and sleep in my own bed.” Macie smiles weakly at me, pulling me into another embrace. “I’ll text you.”

Macie nods in response as I pull my phone out, calling Happy to pick me up.

The next morning I wake up feeling rough, hating that I mixed different alcohol’s and feeling off about having slept with a complete stranger, knowing how unlike me that is.

“Good morning Y/n, your dad would like to see you in the kitchen.” Friday’s voice bounces off my bedroom walls. I groan at the announcement, grabbing a scrunchie to throw my hair up in a messy ponytail. I quickly look over my outfit, sweatpants and a stark industries crop jumper, good enough. I grab a pair of socks before walking out onto the cold tiles.

“Friday summoned me.” I announce walking into the kitchen, seeing my dad and the avengers sitting around the table. “Oh awesome.” I whisper.

“And what time did you get home?”

“Eleven, maybe.”

I open the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and sitting on the bench, facing everyone.

“How was the party? You’ll have to tell us everything.” Wanda smiles as I nod.

“Y/n Stark, what is that on your neck?” My dad bellows, standing up and tilting my head, looking at the hickies on my neck.

“Nothing.” I push my dad away as everyone at the table snickers.

“You did tell her to go out and party.” Steve states causing my dad to turn and point at the super soldier.

“Stay out of this Rogers.”

“She’s young Tony, let her enjoy her last few weeks of school.” Nat pipes up causing my dad to tut and sit back down.

‘Thank you.’ I mouth to Steve and Nat as they both smile and nod at me.

“So why do you look like you’re having a meeting?”

“We are welcoming a new member to the avengers.” My dad states, sipping his coffee.

“Right, so why did you want me here for that?”

“Because you haven’t met him yet and you’re both going to be interning for me in a few weeks, thought it might be good to be acquainted.” I nod in response to my dad, taking a sip of my water.

“They’re all waiting for you.” I hear Happy’s voice say as he walks into the room, all of the avengers stand and look behind me, I turn and look over my shoulder, feeling my heart beat pick up, my mouth falling dry.

“Peter.” His name falls from my lips in shock.

Peter’s eyes lock onto me as he swallows harshly.

“Peter, buddy, welcome.” My dad greets him like an old friend, his eyes moving from mine to my dads.

I feel a hand grip my forearm, a gasp pulling me out of my thoughts, I quickly pull out of the grip.

“Get out of my head Wanda.”

“He did this.” Wanda whispers gesturing to my neck, Nat and Steve both looking at me. I hold my finger to my lips, pleading with my eyes.

“How much did you see?” Nat whispers to Wanda. I don’t hear Wanda’s response as my dad calls me over to him. I quickly slip off the bench, Nat with a small smirk on her face. I sigh softly knowing they know.

“You called.”

“Peter Parker, this is my daughter Y/N Stark, she will be interning with you and is typically on our communications for missions.” My dad states as Peter puts out his hand for a headshake, I scoff before accepting his gesture.

“So what’s your ability?”

“He’s Spiderman, isn’t it great to finally put a face to the suit.” My mum says, standing next to Happy. Instantly, everything from last night makes sense, the smirk he had when I whispered, the soft touches, leaving the party abruptly. It all makes sense, he knew what he was doing. He could read me like a fucking book.

“Y/n is very fond of you, she studied your web abilities.” My dad states, causing me to run my hand down my face.

“Ah, well, maybe you should show me what you learnt and I could fill in any blanks.” Peter states, causing my dad to hum in approval.

“Why don’t you do that now while I get paperwork ready for you to sign.” My dad smiles. I feel a hand cup my shoulder, looking to the right and seeing Steve.

“Steve Rogers.”

Peter grabs his outstretched hand, wincing slightly at the grip Steve gives. I slightly elbow the super soldier, knowing Wanda told him what she saw.

“Maybe Banner should go with them, do you want a teenage boy to be left alone with your teenage daughter?” Steve asks, my dad sighs before chuckling.

“Clearly she was with a teenage boy last night, I’m sure Peter here is harmless compared to last night's company.”

I hear Nat and Wanda giggle before passing it off as something else.

“Go.” My dad instructs, I sigh, turning away from him and leading the way to the lab.

The walk to the lab is silent, only my dad’s voice bouncing off the walls asking the group why they’re being weird.

I walk over to my desk, grabbing the file on ‘Web Slinger’ and handing it to Peter.

“Take it.”

Peter’s hand brushes against mine before he grabs the file, sitting in the chair beside mine.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I scoff, shaking my head. “Oh yeah because you gave me time to tell you.”

Peter sighs, putting the file on my desk before pulling my chair closer to him.

“Could have told me beforehand.”

“It didn’t seem to matter, how was I supposed to know who you were?”

Peter stays quiet, his eyes looking everywhere but mine.

“Not like you stayed afterwards for us to actually have a conversation.”

“I had shit to do, people to save.” Peter states, now looking at me dead in the eyes.

“Fine, I get that but couldn’t you give me your number or some way of contacting you?”

Peter once again stays quiet.

“Did you tell them? Because Captain America seems to be protective.”

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “No, I didn’t tell them. Wanda Maximoff read my mind, guess she told him.” Peter sighs before I continue, “Look, we can just forget it, okay? You’re a part of their team now and we’re just going to have to move on.”

Peter’s hand falls to my knee, his thumb rubbing against the fabric of my sweatpants.

“What if we don’t move on? What if we start something?”

“Peter, I don’t want you to feel you have to start something because I’m your boss's daughter, if you want to forget it ever happened we can.”

Peter tuts, moving his hand from my knee to my face.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I meant what I said last night, you’re incredible” My heartbeat picks up, butterflies erupting inside of me causing Peter to smirk. “I have an effect on you.”

“Cocky arent you.”

Peter smirks smugly, before brushing his lips against mine.

“If you don’t want to try this, stop me.” Peter hesitates for a few seconds before I close the gap between us, kissing him. Peter’s hands move under my thighs, picking me up from the chair and placing me on my desk.

“Peter Parker!” Peter jumps away from me at the shouting of my dad’s voice. “You two have some explaining to do.”

Peter scratches the back of his neck, looking at me as I shrug lightly.

“Maximoff told me, I should have listened to Rogers, but don't tell him I said that.” My dad walks over to us, grabbing the chair Peter once sat in. “I’m listening.”

Peter takes a deep breath before explaining it all to my dad, leaving out a few details as I but in to fill any holes.

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sacredsorceress · 4 years

Text

The Argument || Peter Parker

pairing: peter parker x avenger!reader

summary: you and peter get in a fight and the other avengers can’t help but overhear

a/n: i have like four things in my drafts right now that i can’t seem to finish, but i had a sudden burst of inspiration to write this instead of studying so here we are! hope you enjoy! (reader’s super power is similar to wanda’s in a way except with gold rather than red)

word count: 2.2k

warnings: lots of swearing, loud arguing, angst with happy ending

masterlist || request

You and your boyfriend Peter stood, glaring at each other from opposite corners of your bedroom. Your hands were balled into fists at your sides as you looked at him from across the room with anger mixed hurt written all over your face.

“Are you serious right now, Peter?” You asked him, raising your voice with each sentence. “Are you dead serious right now? You know I’m a fucking Avenger right? I’m sorry if me being around other guys makes you uncomfortable but it’s kind of part of my job.”

Peter huffed, rolling his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. “So what? This is my fault now?” He gestured towards himself, raising his voice at you.

“You’re the one who’s pissed at me because I’m nice to other guys.” You scoffed. “It’s fine, Peter. Next time a guy needs saving I’ll be sure to tell him that Spider-Man doesn’t trust his girlfriend so he’ll have to figure it out himself.”

At the words that just came out of your mouth, Peter laughed out loud. It wasn’t the sweet laugh you always loved hearing in the mornings or the one where he would find something so hilarious that he would be out of breath, but one that just screamed that he could not believe what you had just said.

“Me?” He shouted. “You’re the one who always gets mad at me for ‘getting too cozy with girls’. I’m doing my job! You see one photo of me saving a girl- from a fire might I add- and you don’t talk to me for two days because you were jealous. What do you want me to do?”

Peter bringing up this situation again just made you fume even more and he knew that. Despite the fact that you and Peter rarely fought, this instance had been mentioned in several arguments between the two of you, but you always held your ground.

You were now the one throwing your hands up in the air, beginning to pace across the room. “Oh! This fucking conversation again!” You shouted at him. “How many times do we have to go over this? When are you going to get it? She kissed you!”

You still remember every part of the footage from that day and the image had burned itself into your brain. It was a solo day for Spider-Man so you hadn’t found out until you had seen the news footage of your boyfriend swinging the girl to safety with her arms wrapped tightly around him and her head buried in the crook of his neck. Peter’s arm was wrapped securely around her waist as he assured her that everything was going to be okay. As soon as he stopped swinging, however, and landed her safely on the ground, she had placed her hands on either side of Peter’s masked face and pulled him into a kiss. Although he quickly scrambled out of it, you couldn’t help but feel sick seeing the image.

“I was wearing my mask, Y/n!” He shouted back, tugging on his hair in frustration. “It’s not like I went in to kiss her. She kissed me! I didn’t do anything!”

At his words, you stopped pacing and stomped across the room, stopping in front of your boyfriend. “You’re right, you didn’t do anything.” You spat. “She kissed you and yeah that’s fucked up, but you know what’s more fucked up? That you didn’t tell me! You knew some girl had kissed you and you just hoped I would never find out. Do you know what it was like to find out from a fucking news broadcast? Fuck, Peter! You lied to me about it!”

Peter took a deep breath, looking anywhere besides your face. “I’m not doing this.” He told you finally, shoving past you to reach the door and stomping out of your room.

Peter aggressively threw open your door and you yelled out of frustration before following him out the room. Your hands were once again balled into fists at your sides as you watched Peter stomp out of your bedroom and down the hallway leading up to the common room, all the while yelling at him to stop.

“Peter!” You shouted.

“I’m not talking to you like this!” He yelled back, his back still facing towards you. “When you calm down and admit that you’re wrong-“

He knew what he was doing and he knew it was just pissing you off to a new extreme. So much so, you could feel the golden glow of your magic radiating off your hands that were balled into fists at your sides.

When Peter continued walking with his back turned towards you, refusing to speak to you further, you flicked your wrist causing the magical glow to spread out from your hand to your boyfriend, forcing him to turn around and face you, stopping him in his spot.

“Don’t walk away while I’m talking to you.” You told him, the anger radiating from your body in the from of the golden glow of your magic surrounding you.

“Did you just use magic on me?” Peter asked in a mix of shock, disgust and anger.

What the two of you didn’t realize in the midst of your fuming rage at each other was that the two of you had stopped in front of the common room. What you also hadn’t noticed was that the room was occupied by some of your... colleagues.

“Did she-“ Sam began.

“She did.” Nat finished.

Peter and you continued to argue back and forth about the audacity of the other, oblivious to the others hearing every word and watching the two of you throw harsh words at each other. It was an endless argument concerning who had the right to be angry and the unanswerable question of who was really at fault. During which the rest of the group of revelers in the common room watched and listened.

“Who wants the bet this is about that girl that kissed underoos?” Tony asked.

“That? That was so long ago though.” Steve replied.

“A girl never forgets.” Nat finished, kicking back in her seat. “How would you feel if you saw someone kissing your girlfriend.” She asked Steve.

“Never had one.” Steve shrugged.

An awkward silence filled the room for a brief moment before Sam began again.

“Steve’s right.” He said. “What about yesterday when Y/n saved that guy from getting his car thrown by that giant android and it turned out to be her ex-boyfriend?”

The group collectively nodded their heads, remembering the events of yesterday and that night when Peter had become more awkward than usual after you confessed the situation to him.

You had never seen Peter so jealous before. The two of you met after you and Peter had graduated high school and with your busy schedules you were barely finding time to hang out with your friends, never mind meet new guys. Peter and your’s relationship was usually one of romantic bliss. Despite the chaos and danger occurring in each of your lives, there was barely an argument between the two of you besides the occasional mention of that one time.

You told Peter later that night about how you recognized the guy you saved as your ex-boyfriend from high school.You didn’t expect much of a reaction considering you had dated the guy so long ago and you were wearing your mask that covered the upper half of your face to maintain your secret identity. It wasn’t even as though he could recognize you- you were just doing your job. You told Peter out of wanting to be honest with him, not because you thought it mattered- because it didn't. Peter upon your confession, however, was standoffish the remainder of the night seeming to be lost in his own head.

You didn’t give it much thought and decided to give him his own space until this morning when he confronted you about it, leading to the heated argument the two of you were in right now.

“Both of you are right.” Wanda finally spoke up.

Everyone in the room then turned their heads to face her.

“Did you... did you read their minds?”

“No.” She told them. “These walls aren’t very thick.”

“Should we stop them?” Steve asked.

To that, both you and Peter shouted “No!”

That was the moment though where you both suddenly realized that there was a whole room of people watching as you and Peter argued. Both of you stopped arguing suddenly and turned to face the room full of your colleagues.

“Did you... um... hear all of that?” Peter asked, cooling off from the heated argument you two shared seconds before as he fiddled with his fingers, unable to meet their eyes.

“Do you even know how loud you two were being?” Tony asked, standing up from his seat. “It’s impossible not to hear. Both of you have to drop it-”

“But Mr. Stark-” Peter began.

“Nope.” Tony cut him off. “No ‘buts’. Are you two even listening to yourselves?”

“Tony-” Steve started, attempting to intervene and have Tony drop the situation.

“Listen Rogers, I know you’ve been waiting decades for a first date, but someone has to play couples counselor here.” He told him matter-of-factly turning back to face the two of you. “You.” He pointed at you first. “That kid would never ‘cheat’ on you okay? He worships the ground you walk on so drop it. I’m sick and tired of hearing this frankly idiotic conversation every other week.”

At his words, you felt your fists unclench at your sides and your muscles relax. You knew he was right. As hurt as you were, you knew Peter would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. You knew he loved you just as much as- if not more than- you loved him.

Just as you were about to open your mouth, Tony began again- this time pointing at Peter.

“And you.” He began. Although you were looking at Tony, you could see your boyfriend stiffen in the corner of your eye. “What did you want her to do? Let that guy die because he... what? Took her on a few dates back in high school? You two have been to space together for god’s sakes. She was just doing her job and you know that.”

The two of you stood in front of Tony Stark himself now, knowing he was right, but not knowing what to say. You turned to look at Peter, seeing his shoulders slouched and his cheeks red likely from both the attention and embarrassment.

“You two can apologize now.” Tony said finally, striding back to the armchair he was sitting in prior to the lecture he gave the two of you and seating himself in it.

You and Peter turned to each other, visibly relaxing as you stared at each other. Despite the flaws the both of you had, you each cared for the other more than anyone else.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, being the first to apologize. “I’m sorry, Pete.” You apologized to him in almost a whisper. “I guess I was just hurt that you thought I could look at anyone else the way that I look at you.”

Peter sighed and you could see the sadness in his eyes that he felt from hurting you. You knew he never meant to hurt you and he was just hurt the same way you were.

“No... I’m sorry, Y/n.” He stepped forward to meet you, placing his hands gently on your arms that were wrapped around yourself. “It just sucked to think of you with some other guy.”

At his apology, you uncrossed your arms, instead reaching out for Peter’s hands. Squeezing his hands in yours you told him, “Peter, he doesn’t matter to me anymore. I love you.”

“Not just that, Y/n.” Although your words meant a lot to him, Peter shook his head. “I don’t know... sometimes I just think that you might want something more... I don’t know... normal. I can’t give you that normal, peaceful stuff so I guess I just get worried. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you though.”

Now it was your turn to shake your head as you gazed at your boyfriend. “Pete, you know I could never do normal” You chuckled. “I just got so angry at you that I had magic radiating off of me. Sure, normal would be easier, but I would choose crazy every day as long as I get to be with you.”

Finally you felt the last of the argument and rage that came with it disappear as a feeling of peace and calm washed over the two of you. You let go of Peter’s hands only to wrap them around his neck while his made their away around your torso.

“Gross.” Nat mumbled from her seat.

“I think I actually preferred when they were arguing.” Tony said in disgust.

You and Peter smiled at each other, able to hear the conversation between the others going on in the common room. You laughed as you looked into his eyes, slowly pulling your boyfriend into a kiss.

You and your boyfriend laughed into the kiss as you heard the group erupt into groans of disgust and annoyance. Although you and Peter didn’t have the perfect relationship and each of you had your flaws, at the end of the day you knew you would choose each other every time.

“Okay... Now do we stop them?”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #peter parker oneshot #peter parker imagine #peter parker blurb #peter parker drabble #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #spiderman x yn

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lizzie-is-here · 3 years

Text

colorguard! reader x peter parker

summary: an entirely self-indulgent piece for myself bc i have to be at my school by 4:15 and get on a bus for 5 fucking hours

wordcount: 750

warnings: cussing, mentions of racism and homophobia, my saber cut me one time and now i hold a grudge against it

• for those who don’t know what colorguard is, it’s this:

ah pls look at those rotations! those are 7s or 8s y’all😩

low key think i’ve been to that arena

drama🥵

• ok assuming ur in high school, this is also kinda gonna be peter parker x reader

• idk ab other schools’ guards but literally my whole guard is fruity

• we love

• anyway

• you’ve been friends with peter for a while, and he had called you in a panic when he got bitten by the spider at oscorp.

• aka, you had to help him make the first spider-man suit. neither of you could really sew and you honestly want to forget about the shabby costume.

• you convinced him to join marching band, even if he did choose saxophone (slightly to your dismay, you’d love to see him in guard, or god forbid, drumline).

• band camp nearly killed that boy, leading to you making many jokes about how, even after gaining superpowers, he was still laying on the field dying after a run-through.

• he attends every winterguard competition, much to your director’s joy. directors take any excuse for extra help.

• when he joins the avengers, he stays in marching band for you 🥺

• peter brings you to meet them, and you’re literally in awe. they don’t think you’re weird or nerdy for it, instead they ask if they can come when marching season comes around.

• nat helping teach you ballet and gymnastics so you can get that dance solo babe

• making them attend a DCI performance and screaming for blue devils bc iconic. my first blue devils show i saw was ghost light and it’s still in my heart.

• them coming to a friends and family performance at the end of band camp

• making the super soldiers try to toss your equipment and wanting to fucking scream because once he gets decent, bucky can toss elevens on rifle with only half preps🤠

• tony as a band parent pls 😩

• the team cheering you on at state and literally jumping down bleachers to hug you both.

• not to brag but my band won state this year and omg fucking surreal. literally froze my nips off bc we didn’t have sleeves on our costumes in the middle of goddamn november but fun anyway.

• them at winterguard comps? almost embarrassing bc they’re screaming when you pull the tarp out.

• consoling u if the outfits are ugly

• if u have any solos it’s over hon they’re hyping u up big time

• WGI slapping every time. this year’s lexis winterguard show is bussin bussin y’all look them up they’re hot

• anyway have some fun scenarios that have happened to me:

• slamming into a fucking metal pole in the parking lot bc i couldn’t see over the goddamn flags

• it rained on us during warmup and our flags were soggy af. still got first tho

• swarming a mcdonald’s at 5 am with the winterguard

• going batshit for a ziploc bag half full of grapes

• breaking multiple lights in the gym because ‘oops didn’t think i could toss that high’

• trying a trick toss at practice and everyone going crazy when you catch

• showing off when another school group walks by (our track team practices at the same time and close by)

• cutting ur freaking hand open with the saber because the tape is too scratchy

• honestly f saber line it’s literally just pinch pinch like bitch i’m not a crab

• we get m&ms instead of trophies for the winter competitions, so literally going feral for the family size bag

• wind and flag work🤮

• exchanges looking sexy as hell. i have a duet suicide (a double exchange) with a friend this season and i nearly kill him every time but the crowd likes it sooo

• crying because your rifle has a crack but buying a new one and adjusting to the weight is a shit time

• fighting the winds bc 90% of ours are racist or homophobic 🙄 literally don’t associate w them

• guard cuddle-piles

• our band does separate breakfasts for each section the morning of the first comp, and we exchange gifts.

• no matter how much you complain, staying for your friends who are more like family

• anyway back to fanfic stuff

• peter asking you out at a competition and sneaking to sit with him on the bus

• sorta-cringey-super-cute hand holding at comps

• him being buff and being able to lift you with ease, leading to partner choreo

• packing snacks for each other bc couples that steal each other’s food stay together

• even if there is a no-pda rule, he’ll kiss you in the middle of the gym or field after every awards ceremony, whether you win or not. he’s proud either way and you feel the same.

#marvel #avengers x reader #marvel x reader #x reader #tony stark #natasha romanoff #bucky barnes #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter x reader #color guard #winter guard

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c-dria · 2 years

Text

The Hydra Healer

Chapter 3: Leaving Med Bay

Warnings: Flinching, mentions of past abuse, mainly comfort, a little angst and fluff

Over the next few days, Natasha and Bucky rarely left your side. Natasha gently explained everything that was happening, what all of the machines you were hooked up to did, and she answered all of your questions kindly. Bucky was always offering you food, which was different than what you had at hydra. There, you were typically only fed through an IV, and even then, only when they wanted you at full strength, like when you were needed to heal their soldiers or other kids who they were experimenting on. Bucky seemed to understand, and he was never angry when you couldn’t handle more than a couple of bites before getting nauseous. Bruce came in a couple of times each day to run tests, asking you questions and drawing more blood cultures. Natasha made him explain everything that he was doing to you and why it was necessary, which you greatly appreciated, not daring to ask him yourself. At hydra, if you asked what the scientists were doing to you, they would beat you or gag you just to shut you up, and no matter how many times Natasha told you that you were safe here, that no one was ever going to hurt you here, you only half believed her. After all, life at hydra is all you had ever known. For your entire life, you had only ever been talked down to, called X, for experiment, to dehumanize you. You were told over and over again that you were replaceable, so you had better comply or else risk violence. You wanted so badly to believe Natasha and Bucky, because they really did seem sincere, but how is this even possible? How does any kind of life exist at all outside of the hydra base you had been imprisoned on for your whole life?

Peter and Yelena also visit your room. After almost a week, Bruce tells you that you can leave the med bay.

“Really? That’s so great, because Ned just found a copy of the original Star Wars trilogy with the director’s commentary and he and MJ are coming over for a movie night tonight and you should totally come. It’s going to be so much fun!” Peter says excitedly.

Yelena gives him a strange look. “Why wasn’t I invited, Peter Parker?”

“I honestly thought you were planning on coming already. You were there when I said we were planning this. Of course you’re invited” Peter tells her.

“What’s Star Wars?” You ask.

“Oh my god, you’ve never seen Star Wars? This is so great! They are the best movies of all time, you’ll love them. There’s light sabers and Yoda and Han Solo and Chewbacca, Chewbacca is the best, he’s a wookie.” Peter explains excitedly.

Seeing the confused look on your face, Yelena interjects “It’s just a movie that Peter Parker really likes. He’s also going to have pizza, which is probably 70% of the reason I will be going.”

“Hey! 70% just for pizza? And you’re only 30% excited about Star Wars?” Peter asks indignantly.

“No, the other 30% is because I like MJ. The movie plays zero percent in my decision to come.” Yelena corrects him, smirking.

“I guess that’s okay, MJ is pretty amazing. Y/n, MJ is my girlfriend and she’s the coolest person ever, you’ll love her. Not like I love her, but like, I mean as like a friend, you know?” Peter excitedly trills.

Yelena laughs and turns back to you. “So you’re in for Peter Parker’s movie night.” She says this decisively, leaving no room for argument.

“Mr. Bucky is coming too, y/n, he loves Star Wars almost as much as Ned and I” Peter adds.

“Yes, that sounds fun” you smile, glad that Bucky will be there when you meet Peter’s friends. Bucky enters the room then, holding a plum.

“Mr. Bucky, guess what? Bruce says y/n can leave the med bay and she’s going to come to our Star Wars movie night!” Peter tells him excitedly.

Bucky’s head snaps towards Bruce, “Are you sure?” he asks.

“Yes. Y/n is completely healed, physically at least. She isn’t a danger to herself or others. There’s no medical reason to keep her here.” Bruce replies.

Bucky hands you the plum, smiling widely when you don’t flinch away as his hand gets close to you.

“Um, where can I go?” You ask quietly, rolling the plum around your palm nervously. Bucky looks at Bruce and then at you.

“You can stay in my room, if you want.” He offers. You smile, beyond relieved that they aren’t kicking you out of this safe haven.

“Thank you” you say, and bite into the sweet plum gratefully.

“I have to go call MJ, I’ll see you later y/n!” Peter says excitedly.

“Wait up, I want to talk to her too, Peter Parker.” Yelena adds, following Peter out of your room.

You smile as they leave. They have been nothing but nice to you. Even Yelena, who’s sarcasm spares no one else, is always kind towards you.

“So, you’re going to the kid’s movie night?” Bucky asks, sitting down in a chair next to your bed.

“Yeah, he said it’s about a wookie? I’m not sure, but he wants me to meet Ned and MJ, and he said you’re going too, right?” You ask.

“Yes doll, I’ll be there. I love the Star Wars movies. And Ned is great. It will be fun,” Bucky says, gently laying his hand on your knee. This has become normal. Bucky always makes sure to be touching you, always exceedingly gently, and slowly, so as to not make you flinch away from him. He knows how important it is for you to be shown, and not just told, that touches can be gentle and kind. Because like him, you spent over 70 years only knowing cruel touches, beatings, and pain. And it’s one thing to hear the words, to be told that you’re safe now, and another thing to actually be shown those gentle touches. When he was first liberated from hydra, he too flinched away from people reaching out towards him, convinced they were going to hit him. And it was Steve, who would put his hand gently on Bucky’s shoulder, Steve who would kindly rest his open hand on Bucky’s arm, proving again and again that not all touches needed to cause pain. And that helped Bucky more than everyone just saying that he was safe and that they wouldn’t hit him, so he wanted to help you the same way that Steve had helped him. So he made sure to be constantly reassuring you, physically, that everything was okay. Whether that was by holding your hand, or placing his hand on your shoulder, or your leg, or putting his arm around your waist to gently guide you where you wanted to go, he was always touching you kindly, gently. You still flinched away from him at least half of the times he reached for you, but that was significantly less than how much you flinched away from everyone else. Except for Natasha, and maybe Peter and Yelena, you were still downright terrified of everyone else. Bucky took great pride in the fact that you weren’t nearly as afraid of him as you had been when you first saw him on the jet the first day you had been freed from hydra. It was helping him to know that he was helping you.

#bucky barnes #fanfic #flinching #peter parker #yelena belova #comfort

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marvelobsessedteenager · 3 years

Text

All The Hurt - Chapter 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem!reader

Warnings: ANGST, Peter was an ass, reader is a hurt and petty bitch, fluff to make up for the angst, curse words, lots of “coincidences”

Word Count: 4.1k

A/n: The amount of love I've gotten is absolutely incredible. Thank you guys for the support! Enjoy :3 -----------------------------------------

Flash had suggested driving both him and yourself to Liz’s house, and you agreed, simply because car rides with him were more fun. You got there earlier than anyone else, giving Flash time to set up his DJ equipment and speakers while you helped Liz and Betty set up the lights, food, and drinks.

Not an hour later and the house was full of people that you knew and didn’t know, but welcomed anyway. Everybody walking around was having a good time, drinking soda out of a red solo cup and dancing to Flash’s party music. You would be lying if you told yourself your eyes weren’t examining the dance floor for a particular bed of curls.

In your mind, you knew there was no way Peter knew Spider-Man. You saw it in the way he told everyone he did today at the gym. His left hand was wildly shaking — a clear telltale of nerves you’d figured out long ago.

Something else was bothering you, though, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

That bruise. You knew for a fact Peter wasn’t a fighter, mainly when it came to bullies - words or actions. He never retaliated, which is why people considered him an easy target. You wouldn’t put it past him to allow himself to get beaten up, but you would have known if that’d happened. Flash was definitely his number one bully, but he wouldn’t dare lay a finger on Peter, and neither would any of his friends, especially since they all knew your history with Peter.

They were all bark and no bite, which meant that there was another explanation for it, but for the love of God, you couldn’t figure out what it was.

And speak of the devil.

You smirked as you caught sight of him, worried thoughts vanishing as you weaved your way through the crowd to Flash, whispering in his ear about your discovery. He flashed you a wicked smile, turned down the music, and grabbed the mic.

“Penis Parker! What’s up?” Flash yelled into the mic, causing Peter to freeze and turn to look at Flash, who was pointing right at him.

“Hey, Y/n,” Flash pretended to search the crowd then turned to you, “Where do you think his pal Spider-Man is?” He placed the mic below your lips and waited for your preplanned answer.

“Hm, let me a guess.” You sweetly said, tapping your chin like you were thinking, “in Canada with his imaginary girlfriend?” You raised your eyebrows, eyes boring into Peter’s with fire burning behind your pupils, your brain ignoring your heart that was begging you to stop upsetting him as you caught the flash of hurt that crossed his features.

The crowd laughed and “ooh” ed as Flash played a “burn” sound effect, “That’s not Spider-Man,” He jutted his chin towards Ned, “that’s just Ned in a red shirt.”

You watched him walk away from the giggling crowd, fuming, and you bumped your fist with Flash's in victory. He turned up the music, and you made your way to the dance floor with your friends, as you swayed your hips to the loud tune. Your group sang loudly to the songs, and though it was deafening and off-tune, you never felt freer than when you screamed the lyrics with them.

At some point, your voice started sounding raspy, and your throat was begging you for some sort of liquid to heal the ache. You excused yourself from the group, walked to the kitchen and grabbed a solo cup, filling it with cool water and chugging it down.

But, of fucking course, someone had to ruin your night and your favorite white dress by bumping into you and spilling coke on your outfit. That someone was a girl with piercing blue eyes and brown hair — someone you didn't recognize. It was clear she didn’t go to Midtown considering she squeaked an apology and ran to her friends, who glanced back at you and immediately dashed out of the house.

Great.

You would ask Liz for another dress, but you weren’t exactly tight with her. You’d also ask your friends to take you home to change, but as you looked at them jumping around and bobbing their heads to the music, you figured they were having too much fun, and you didn’t want to ruin it.

You would normally call your driver, but you hadn’t had the chance to set up your new phone just yet.

Sighing, you grabbed your denim jacket you hid below the counter earlier, put it on, and began your journey home on foot. Your house was located about thirty minutes away from Liz’s, which wasn’t really a big deal for you.

About fifteen minutes of strolling in silence and kicking any rock that caught your eye, you passed by a playground that looked familiar. It was the very same playground you and Peter would play in when you were children. You’d take turns pushing each other on the swing, and when you were old enough to do it yourself, you would both compete to see who’d go higher and who could jump off the swing the farthest. It always resulted in an injury, but you two always laughed it off, especially when Jane would run over worriedly with a first-aid kit.

As you went into your early teenage years, you’d meet at the playground alone and climb to the top of the dome climber with different (and disgusting) flavored milkshakes, exchanging it with each other every now and again, and watch the river flow peacefully.

The same river in which Iron-Man is flying out of with Spider-Man in his arms.

Wait, what?

You snapped out of your reverie and did a double take before you quickly dove into one of the many bushes, the quick rate of your heartbeat becoming a distraction from the fresh cut on your exposed neck from the sharp branches.

You could see everything that was happening in front of you, but not necessarily hear everything. Your wide eyes curiously peeked over the bushes, watching as Iron-Man placed Spider-Man on the dome. And maybe it was your hearing, but you swore you knew the high pitched voice that was exaggeratedly saying something.

You saw Spider-Man tug his mask off and wring it out, which made the back of his head incredibly visible. Brown hair. Or maybe black. It was too dark to see the difference. You debated moving a little closer to hear the conversation.

Deep down, you knew it wasn’t right. Spider-Man was entitled to protect his identity. But you could keep a secret. Besides, maybe this could be the moment you’d thank him for saving you. You doubted he’d remember what he did, but you’d never forget.

So, you crept a little closer to make out the words, despite your gut telling you you shouldn’t.

“What were you thinking?” Iron-Man asked in a way that made you believe Spider-Man was in trouble.

“The guy with the wings is obviously the source of the weapons, I gotta take him down!”

Wait. That sounds like-

“Take him down now, huh? Steady, Crockett, there are people who handle this sort of thing.” Iron-Man said, waving his arm around.

“The Avengers?”

“No, no, no, just a little below their…pay grade.”

“Anyway, Mr. Stark, you didn’t have to come all the way out here, I-I had that. I was fine.”

But that was all you could hear. Because as the conversation went on, the gears in your head begun turning, the dots seemed to connect faster than you could comprehend.

The strange bruise on his jaw after it was shown on the news that a certain superhero fought robbers at the bank across Delmar’s. Him running out of school once it was over. The fact that he left school for two weeks and mysteriously came back. Him ‘allegedly’ saying your name when he saved you. All the times he ditched you in the past were the same times Spider-Man was on the news for a heroic saving. You remembered because you’d send the news to Peter. The “Stark Internship” excuse wasn’t real.

But this was.

Peter Parker is Spider-Man.

Peter Parker saved your life.

The amount of information was loud. So, so, loud. You couldn’t hear the bickering that went on. A rush of emotions went through you. The first was rage. Is this it? Is this is his reason for letting you go? He couldn’t have just been honest and told you? You bet he told Ned. But he couldn’t tell you, could he?

But just as quickly as it came, your anger left you, instead being replaced with worry. You hated to admit it, but you were worried about him. How could he go out there every day and put his life on the line like that? What about his wounds and injuries? Did he suffer through those alone? Or did May help him heal?

Does May even know? Does anybody know?

Lastly, panic, and that was the strongest of them all. Holy shit, you thought, I just found out that my ex best friend and former crush is a superhero. He shoots webs out of his hands or something and sticks to walls and saves strangers and fights criminals and-

And Iron-Man is flying away.

And Spider-Man is walking in your direction.

I need to go.

As soon as you turned around, still crouched but ready to fucking bolt, you accidentally stepped on something hard, and you had to bite your tongue to keep your hissing inside. Once the pain slightly subsided, you looked downwards and moved your head closer to the object. A loud purring sound was emitting from it, and if there was anything in this world that screamed danger, it was this.

You were careful to pick it up and examine it. In the middle of this..machine was a bright purple stone and it was fucking glowing. You looked around you and caught Spider-Man muttering something to himself right before an obnoxious ringing made its way into your ears, prompting you to cringe and put your hands over them as you crouched.

It’s the same annoying fucking ringtone as Peter’s.

You waited for him to move a little farther, and when he did, you peeked from behind the bush. He had just closed the phone and continued his walk. You didn’t know if this thing was a bomb or something explosive, so throwing it in his direction was already ruled out. Besides, he was already beyond throw distance. You knew the safest way to get it to him.

You knew what to do. You hated that you did, but you had to do it.

Maybe hearing him talk to you would confirm or deny your hypothesis. Anybody could have brown hair, a high-pitched voice and the same ringtone as your ex-best friend and be a superhero that saved you two weeks ago.

You took a deep breath to calm your hammering heart from ripping through your ribcage and escaping. “I hate my life,” you mumbled as you rose and followed him with your heart still beating out of your chest, almost sure it was louder than your barely audible footsteps.

Don’t trip, don’t trip.

When you got close to him, close enough to tap him on the shoulder, he quickly turned around and got into a fighting position with his fists ready to punch. You were so shocked that you dropped the object and backed away with your hands up, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy. ”

Upon seeing a citizen (that he knew too well) he dropped his stance, “S-uh..sorry. I-I thought you..uh..” He cleared his throat, “Sorry, ma’am. How can I help you?” He said, very clearly thickening his voice and awkwardly placing his hands on his hips.

But you knew that sound anywhere.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. It is him.

You attempted to swallow the lump in your throat as you felt it clogging your ability to breathe.

“Uh, hi. I’m Y/n.” You mentally smacked yourself. He already knows you, dumbass.

Should you tell him he knows you, though? Should you tell him you know him? No, what? You vehemently shook your head.

“A-anyway I, um, found this-” You picked up the object and turned it around in your hands, “-on my way home and I think it’ll help you? I don’t know, it’s definitely not man-made, I suppose. I’m not exactly an expert but I thought you’d be and you just so happened to be in my neighborhood and I am, too, and this thing is glowing and-”

His spider..eye..thingies were as wide as saucers, and it was only now that you noticed you were rambling. Your cheeks flushed, and you immediately cursed at your body for betraying you.

This is worse than tripping.

“Sorry,” you looked down at your shoes, "I babble when I’m-“ Nope. Not letting him know you’re nervous. Not that he doesn’t already know. You found yourself regretting telling him all your triggers and quirks in the past, because right now, you couldn’t tell whether he could figure you out or not.

He probably could, though.

This night just kept getting worse. Pack it up already.

You cleared your throat and straightened your shoulders in the most confident way you could, “Here,” you outstretched your arm to him, waiting for him to grab the foreign object, but all he did was stare, and stare, and stare. You didn't really know where to look, and you didn't know if he was gazing at you or not, but before you could say anything, he snapped out of whatever he was in and took a hold of the object. You tried not to think about his masked fingers that grazed yours.

“Thanks, uh, Y/n.” He said, not as intrigued by the object as you thought he’d be. Instead, he seemed to be looking at you. Or behind you. You still couldn't tell. You were too caught up in the way he said your name. It felt strangely familiar, and comforted you for a moment. It made you feel safe and wanted. Loved.

Before the memories reminded you of what he’d done.

“Sure,” you nodded, slowly backing away, “um, see you...around.”

“Yeah.”

As you turned on your heel to continue your trip home, he pipped up, “Oh, um, would- do you want me to walk you home? It’s really dark out here.”

You entertained the thought in your head for a second. "What could possibly happen if he walked you home, besides guaranteeing you safety?” Your heart spoke.

"Oh, I don’t know, you could accidentally blurt out that you know him, and then things will get even more awkward than they already are.” Your brain fought back, stubborn as ever.

Yeah, you’re definitely just going to pass up his offer.

“I’m, uh, I’m good. Need a little time to myself.” You nervously chuckled, wrapping your arms around yourself, “Thanks, though, I appreciate it.”

“Yeah.” He repeated, shifting his weight from one foot to another as he watched you walk away from him.

Like he’d done to you.

The rest of the fifteen minutes passed by faster than you anticipated, but maybe it was because you were too preoccupied considering you just confirmed your ex-best friend was a fucking superhero with fucking superpowers. As the confirmation made its way into your brain, you noticed that the signs were right beneath your nose, but you weren’t observant enough to figure it out. They started before he left you.

How did it start to begin with? Has he always had these powers?

Wait, no. Because Spider-Man wasn’t always around. And even if he really did have them for a long time, why leave you now? It must’ve been recent, you concluded.

But how? How does one go from an ordinary, lanky teenager to a robust superhero who can stop a speeding bus with his bare hands?

As one question was answered, another one took its place. The list just kept going and going, without a clear sign of it stopping.

In all honesty, you thought the videos that popped up on your YouTube recommended page of a web-slinging human were staged. In your defense, he seemed quite small to be a hero, and it wouldn’t be the first time some kid tried to fool the world with “a new superhero". You remember sending it to Peter and asking him if he thought it was real.

He never answered.

You hadn’t realized you were standing on your porch, staring at the overly large mahogany door in front of you. You sighed and took out your keys, placing them in the lock and twisting it.

You were lucky today was the beginning of the weekend. You wouldn’t be able to face him after seeing what you just saw. You didn’t know how to feel. You didn’t know what to do. Should you let him know that you know?

Should you let anyone know that you know?

That was the worst part about this whole thing. You had no one to turn to. No one to talk to about this, and there definitely wouldn’t be a wikiHow page on how to deal with something like this.

So, you ruled it out. One of the choices was obviously keeping the secret to yourself and not telling Peter you knew his identity. It would keep things from getting too awkward to handle and would keep him safe.

The other choice, the really horrible one, was to let everyone know. A part of you was still mad at what he’d done. You mean, he didn’t even try to apologize as he should’ve. That evil part of you, the hurt part, wanted revenge — wanted you to ruin Peter like he did you.

You knew people would believe you if you told them. You knew they’d find their ways to figure out if it’s true or not. But for some reason, you were hesitant. Yes, Peter ruined your life. Yes, Peter broke you in ways you believed were beyond mendable.

But Peter was also the boy who gave you his last Iron-Man bandaid when you scraped your elbow the first time you met. He’s the boy who pushed your bully and got punched in the face for it when you were ten. He’s the boy who saved your life the other day - the boy who saves dozens of strangers every week.

It was clear which option was better.

Keeping his secret didn’t mean you forgave him, though.

After everything, you didn’t know if you allowed yourself to forgive him. Part of you wanted you to, pleaded you to for the sake of moving on, but the more stubborn part of you remembered the pain you went through; the nights you spent crying yourself to sleep, the newfound insecurities of not being enough for anybody, the fear that others will leave you behind like he did.

Hell, you had a locked note in your notes app that contained a long speech about how you felt — about how he made you feel. The one you were to send him — but ended up deleting.

You groaned and rubbed your head, feeling an oncoming headache from the questions. You stayed in your house that weekend, trapped with a racing mind and no answers to slow it down.

------------------------------------------------------

You started noticing Peter act differently towards you when your freshman year of high school was close to ending. It started off with him rescheduling long-awaited plans and then showing up late, but you didn’t mind. He had told you he scored an internship at Stark Industries, and you swore you’d never felt prouder in your entire life.

He informed you that he could be called in at any given moment, which was his reason for leaving in the middle of your hangouts. You understood, and so, you encouraged him to do so.

But then, as time went by, you noticed a change. Instead of postponing the plans, he’d cancel them all together and wouldn’t make up for them. And sometimes, in the rare occasion in which he did postpone them, he’d stand you up, keeping you awake until you were on the brink of sleep.

He apologized multiple times for doing so, blaming it on the time the internship took for him, and you let it go, even when it became a pattern to leave you stranded.

You were okay with it.

Until it became too much.

During lunch, you could never find him, which ended up with you eating alone. During the only class you shared with him, he’d zone out while you were talking and completely ignore you. You’d normally come out of your last period ready to see him standing by your locker to begin your journey home, but he stopped being there, and you would walk home alone.

Texts and calls went unnoticed, and you felt the barrier he had placed between the two of you grow higher and higher as the time passed by.

What bothered you is that it was just with you. He acted completely normal around Ned. You often saw them chatting and laughing while you watched from afar, heart breaking into two as you wondered where you went wrong. You inspected every text message you sent and every conversation you had, often staying up late re-reading it until you reached the top. You just didn’t understand what happened.

One day, you approached him after school, running after him as he bolted through the school’s gates into the outside.

“Hey!” You called as you caught up to him and grabbed his arm, which flexed beneath your grip. You sighed and slightly loosened your grasp, “Can, um, can we talk?”

Peter visibly gulped, hesitantly nodding as his eyes bounced around your figure, never looking at you.

“Peter.” You ran a hand through your hair, carefully choosing your next words as to approach this topic cautiously, “What’s going on with you? You..you’ve been acting weird and distant. D-did do something?”

“I’m not acting weird,” Peter said, almost offendedly, quick to defend himself.

“Peter we haven’t hung out in weeks because you’ve been canceling them.” You retaliated.

“I told you, I-it’s the internship.”

You frowned, heart clenching at the tiredness that seeped into his voice, “I know.” You gave him a small smile, hoping for one in return, “I’m your best friend. I’m always here for you, you know.”

“I-“ He sharply inhaled, scratching the back of his head with his shaking left hand. “I don’t want you to be.”

Your smile instantly dropped, feeling a painful nudge in your stomach, “What?”

“I don’t..this isn’t working, Y/n. We can’t be friends anymore. I’m done.” He said. And so easily, too.

I’m done, he’d said.

Your heart stopped for a moment, taken aback by his bluntness and the harshness that came with his words, “What? Why? N-no.” You denied, "You’re just gonna leave? You can’t do that, I..What did I do?”

“Nothing. It’s just..it’s just better this way.” Peter visibly gulped, looking around the streets like he wasn’t standing there, breaking your fragile heart into pieces while you were trying your hardest to not fall apart right in front of him.

Dignity was still a thing. But so was your friendship.

“I can’t fix this if you won’t let me, Pete.” You pleaded, hoping he’d admit that something was wrong - that it wasn’t you that he was pushing away, that there was a reason for him doing so. You could fix this. You could.

“There’s nothing to fix. I don’t want to be friends, that’s it.” He shrugged, shuffling backward, getting ready to make a run from it.

“No,” you stopped him, grabbing his hand softly, despite the tears that already ran down your face, “There has to be a reason! Y-you can’t just leave like that! Give me a reason! WHAT DID I DO?!”

When he didn’t respond, you gave his loose hand a squeeze and wiped your tears with your sleeve, already feeling stupid for the amount of vulnerability you were displaying, especially when you weren’t getting any sort of reaction out of him besides coldness.

“Peter. Peter, please, just l-let me fix this.” You said, voice cracking, "You’re all I have left. Please don’t do this.”

You were begging. You knew you were, but you couldn’t let him leave without putting up a fight. You were a step away from begging on your knees, but you didn’t. You were able to stop yourself from doing so, but you still believed you could get through whatever this is - you were so sure of it.

But you never did.

And you swore he had ripped your heart from your chest, stepped on it, and nonchalantly walked away, leaving you to deal with the pain of the heartbreak on the sidewalk.

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#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #peter parker angst #peter parker x y/n #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #spiderman #spiderman x reader #marvel

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vickyvicarious · 3 years

Note

what do you make of Eliot's pre-show reputation for working alone? it makes sense for Parker and Hardison, who've always worked that way, but Eliot has a history of working as part of a team in various contexts

Yeah, it's definitely interesting! Really, Sophie never gets that label of 'always working alone' (and in fact later we see her bringing in Tara, which supports that she has friendly contacts still). It's just Parker, Hardison, and Eliot. And like you said, it makes complete sense for Parker, and even Hardison's hacking is just typically more suited to be done alone even if he is a social guy on a personal level. Eliot is different, given his history.

One thing I noticed a while ago, which is also interesting, is that Eliot's job by its very nature depends on other people. Sophie, Parker, and Hardison all steal what they want - as retrieval specialist, Eliot had to be hired. That's not to say he never just took something he wanted, necessarily, but his role majorly depended on people a) knowing of him in the first place, b) trusting his reputation enough to hire him, and c) being able to get in touch with him to hire him. I highly doubt he was handing out business cards left and right, so he had to have a network of contacts to at the very least pass his name along as an 'I know just the guy for the job' kind of thing. In fact, we see him bring in a friend on a con early in S1, and he is in contact with/does jobs for old military contacts throughout the show. (Once again, in the first episode Parker and Hardison were successfully recruited for someone else’s job, so it's not like that never happened for the others. But the general trend was that they picked their own heists; Eliot was hired on by other people.)

So we have a guy here who has a history of working on teams, a reputation as a loner, and yet still actively works for people who he has to keep on good enough terms to keep hiring him. How did that happen? In my opinion, it all comes back to Damien Moreau.

Eliot's timeline goes through some distinct phases:

Rural teen with a relatively poor family, I think they mention he played football; very all-American.

Joined the army with "a flag on his shoulder and God in his heart" or however that quote went.

Highly trained military operative involved in very classified operations.

Working for Damien Moreau.

Working solo as a retrieval specialist.

Leverage.

It's easy to track him through 1-3. He was recruited into the army with promises of heroism and glory, excelled at what he did, was eventually disillusioned. Getting from there to Moreau is a bit more of a jump, and likely didn't happen immediately. Given how protective Eliot gets over people he's working with, and how vigorously he hates betrayals of trust from his team, I think it's not unreasonable to assume that part of the reason he left the army had to do with whatever unit he was in getting very hurt. Likely in a way that made him feel he failed to protect them; maybe he was the only one who made it out of one specific situation. Maybe just a bunch of people he worked with got whittled down, or maybe it wasn't anything so deadly but he saw how little their lives mattered in the grand scheme of those in charge, saw how amoral the missions he was given were, and it was more of a gradual slide into illegality. There's also the detail that as he got into more and more classified work, he might be less and less likely to have a large group of people he could talk to/be a regular team with. Either way, I think Moreau didn't completely hire him straight out of the army, but there probably wasn't a tremendously long time between him leaving that group and joining up with Moreau.

*I originally thought Eliot didn't meet Toby until after he left Moreau, but a helpful anon corrected me on that! 'In the French Connection Job he says to Nate "I was out of the service and working for my 2nd PMC", doing wetwork.' He 'should've' killed Toby but instead stayed with him for months, 'learning how to cook and how to feel'. It certainly seems like he had gone some degree of numb after his experiences in the army and even since leaving it. His second private military contract/company... still implies he was working for organizations of some sort, though I get the impression he wasn't sticking around for terribly long times. Still, even if he then works solo retrieval type gigs for a while, I don't think he was nearly as insistent on working alone/had such a clear reputation about it, not yet.

Eliot no longer believed that he was doing good. He'd lost his naive patriotism and seems to have lost his religion for the most part as well. He didn't trust the system, but for the most part he still seemed to have faith in individuals. He still kept in touch with some old colleagues, he'd learned from Toby; he still wanted to be a part of something, even if that something couldn't be the US Army. He's a self-motivated criminal now but he still isn't averse to working with others.

Then comes Damien Moreau. Whether you read their relationship as romantic or not, it was undeniably important and personal. They knew one another well. Damien even still liked Eliot years after he'd left. There's good evidence for them having an emotionally abusive relationship where Moreau took advantage of Eliot's tendency to do things for those he cares about (I reblogged a great meta on this a little while ago). But essentially what we see here is that in all his time working for Moreau, no one else made such a strong impression on Eliot. Moreau definitely seems the type to play favorites and emotionally distance Eliot from other goons - Eliot isn't just another goon after all, he's the best. He's worthy of Damien's time and attention and specific assignments that only Eliot can be trusted to get done right. Whatever process of estrangement Eliot's superior skills may have begun, Moreau quickened until there was only one person who was the most important to him. Eliot didn't just work for him as a part of some vast criminal network by the end - no, he worked directly for and with Moreau himself. He was part of a team of two for all intents and purposes, regardless of how often he may have cooperated with others on specific jobs (though I suspect that got less frequent over time as well).

And when Eliot realized how deep he'd gotten, how terrible he'd become? He left, and left Damien Moreau specifically behind. Maybe he took a break for a while, went underground... it certainly doesn't seem like he had a conversation with Moreau and resigned so much as he just ran. And when he returned it was as a solo act. What this tells me is that not only did his time with Moreau break Eliot's trust in himself, it broke his ability to trust others. Not everyone necessarily, but in a working capacity. It probably was not the first time he'd experienced betrayal (in some form or another, his time in the army definitely qualified) but it was the most personal. Eliot trusted and liked Moreau - and he did the worst things in his entire life for him.

He couldn't repeat that. He couldn't leave himself open to getting sucked in like that again. And what's more, at this point he really didn't need to. His skills were such that he could get the job done himself (and had perhaps even honed those more solo skills while working for Moreau), and doing so meant that he never had to leave himself vulnerable to someone else like that again. He didn't have to be responsible for someone else getting hurt, and he didn't have to accept that he'd put someone else in charge of who he hurt. Eliot starts being more careful not to permanently injure or kill people, starts getting more selective with his jobs, and makes it a requirement that he works them alone. He still has to accept jobs from others, yeah, but he has ultimate control over what jobs he does accept, and if he operates purely on a freelance basis without getting too involved with any one client, then he can avoid the emotional entanglement that lead to such horrific loss of judgement in the past. It's hard, because he is naturally drawn to other people... but Eliot thinks that letting no one in is by far the safer option for everyone involved. He still builds relationships with others in order to get his name out, and may do repeat work for certain people, but no one is going to own him anymore. He is good enough that he can afford to set the terms like that; when he keeps getting the job done the word will spread that even alone he is worth the money. Eliot relies only on himself and any relationships he has are necessarily shallow. Professional, brief. This extends even to friendships (that seem to involve infrequent contact for the most part) and romantic relationships (he has plenty of sex but doesn't get emotionally close to anyone, does not fall in love). He is alone - in fact he is emphatically and outspokenly alone, because he doesn't want anyone to get their hooks in him like that ever again.

(*Doing jobs like this also limits the likelihood, especially in the beginning, that he's going to end up working for Moreau again in any real capacity. As time passes and Moreau doesn't attempt to bring him back too hard, that may become less of an issue in his mind, but it could certainly be a perk at least as the start.)

Then of course we eventually come to Leverage. It's been a while since Moreau. Eliot has built a solid reputation for himself - and he is being offered a LOT of money for a job that promises to be fairly quick. At this point, he probably feels like maybe he can trust himself as part of a team again without getting too sucked in - he will just keep it to one job and go his own way afterwards. It'll be fine.

...And then he immediately gets sucked in, bonds right away and wants so badly to stay. But even then, it's because of Nate. Eliot knows Nate, trusts him to be the 'honest man', is certain enough of Nate's moral compass that it's okay to get drawn in if Nate is the one making the plans. If it weren't for him, Eliot would have walked right away. Eliot was never going to allow himself to be ruled by others again... but Nate isn't like any of those people, he is a good man. Eliot can trust him not to lead him into anything too morally wrong, and in fact the work with Leverage is a way to bring some good back into the world. Not redeem himself, that won't ever happen, but under Nate's leadership Eliot can do something good for once. He doesn't want to stop.

By the time he moves past trusting Nate's judgement so much, he already trusts and loves the whole team. Parker and Hardison especially, so now he has to stay to keep them safe... even from Nate's plans sometimes, when he gets drunk and reckless. Eliot is secure in his role as part of a team again - and he probably was very lonely without one for all that time. It's not really in his nature to work alone long-term. And a key difference this time is that everyone else gets just as invested as he, and there's a good balance of power and respect unlike all of the more hierarchical teams he was in before (army, Moreau, they would have clear command structures - hell, even high-school football has a captain and a coach). Nate is nominally in charge but they talk back to him and lead where they have the most expertise. They dedicate themselves to him as much as he to them, they change together. And they change for the better, together.

#leverage #eliot spencer #leverage meta #my meta #anonymous #replies

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ifuckinglovestvincent · 4 years

Text

St Vincent: “Pour a Drink, Smoke a Joint... That’s the Vibe”

Ding dong! Daddy's Home

By Johnny Davis

19/03/2021

Annie Clark, known professionally as St Vincent, picked up a guitar aged 12 after being inspired by Jimi Hendrix. During her teens she worked as a roadie and later tour manager for her aunt and uncle, the jazz duo Tuck & Patti. Originally from Oklahoma, she moved to Dallas, Texas when she was seven and later attended the Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts for three years, before dropping out.

Clark worked as a touring musician with the Polyphonic Spree and Sufjan Stevens, before releasing Marry Me, her first album as St Vincent, in 2007. By her fifth album, 2017’s Masseduction, she had become one of the most celebrated artists in music, the first solo female artist to win a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album in 20 years.

She became unlikely Daily Mail-fodder around the same time, thanks to an 18-month relationship with Cara Delevingne, and later Kristen Stewart. Her ever-changing music, dressing up-box image and head-spinning well of ideas have seen her compared to David Bowie, Kate Bush and Prince. To complete the notion of her being the "artist's artist", in 2012 she collaborated with David Byrne on the album Love This Giant.

Indeed, she is surely one of few performers today who could stand in for Kurt Cobain with what’s-left-of-Nirvana, performing “Lithium” at their induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2014, as well as cover “Controversy” at a Prince tribute concert in 2020, with such guitar-playing fireworks its author would surely have approved.

Following the glam-influenced pop of Masseduction, St Vincent has performed another stylistic handbrake turn. Complete with a new image – part-Warhol Superstar, part-Cassavetes heroine – she has mined the textures of the music she loved most as a kid: the virtuoso rock of Steely Dan, the clipped funk of Stevie Wonder and blue-eyed soul of mid-Seventies' David Bowie, on her upcoming album, Daddy’s Home.

The title refers to Clark's own father, locked up in Texas for 12 years in 2010, for money laundering in a stock manipulation scheme, one in which he and his co-conspirators cheated 17,000 investors out of £35m. It is also, in typical Clark style, a bit of saucy slang.

Back on the promotional trail, Clark Zoomed in from Los Angeles one morning recently – fully caffeinated and raring to go. “My vices?” she pondered. “Too much coffee, man…”

What question are you already bored of being asked?

There’s not one that’s popping out. There’s no question where I’m like “Oh God, if I ever hear that again, I’ll jump off a building.” I’m chill.

I mention it because prior to releasing your last record you put out a pre-recorded “press conference”, seemingly to pre-empt every inane question the media would throw at you.

It’s so funny. It didn’t really occur like that. Originally that was supposed to be a legit green screen conference. Like, “I’ll just answer these questions ‘cos when they need to have me on ‘The Morning Show’ in Belarus they can have this and put their own graphics behind it”. But then when my friend Carrie Brownstein [collaborator and Sleater-Kinney vocalist-guitarist] and I started writing it and it became very snarky. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that “Oh, that might be off-putting or intimidating to journalists” I just thought "This is silly”. So anyway… I understand.

We're curious about your dad and the American legal system.

I have had a lot of questions about that. For some reason it didn’t occur to me how much I would be answering questions about… my hilarious father!

How do you view his time in prison?

Just that life is long and people are complicated. And that, luckily, there’s a chance for redemption or reconciliation, even after a really crazy traumatic time. And also anybody that has any experience with the American justice system will know this... nobody comes out unscathed.

You recently presented an online MasterClass: "St. Vincent Teaches Creativity & Songwriting". One of the takeaways: “All you need are ears and ideas, and you can make anything happen”. Who’s had the best ideas in music?

Well, you’ve got to give credit to people who were genuinely creating a new style – like if you think of Charlie Parker, arguably he created a new style. This hard bop that was just absolutely impossible to play. It was, like, “Check me out – try to copy me!” So, that’s interesting. I think Brian Eno, for sure, has some great ideas about music – and obviously has made some of the best music. Joni Mitchell – completely singular. I mean: think about that. There are some people who are actually inimitable – like, you couldn’t possibly even try to imitate them.

It’s a brave soul who covers a Joni Mitchell song. Although, apologies if you actually have.

No, I have not. And there’s a reason why not. Come on – Bowie. Bowie never repeated himself. David Byrne also didn’t repeat himself. He took all of his influences of classic songs and the disco that was happening at the time, and the potpourri of downtown New York music from the mid- to late Seventies… and synthesised it into this completely new, other thing. I mean, that’s impressive. Those are the ones we remember.

How hard is it not to repeat yourself?

It’s whether people have the Narcissus thing or not. Like, it’s always got to be a balance where you’re, like, “Well, I need to believe in myself to make something and be liberated. But I can’t look at that pond of my previous work and go ‘Oh you! You’re gorgeous!’” So I don’t go back and listen to things I’ve done. I finished Daddy’s Home in the fall and it was, like, “This is done” and it felt great. I loved the record and it was so fun to make. But what I did immediately afterwards was to write something completely different. But then I don’t know, ‘cos there are people who do the thing that they do just great. And you just want to hear more songs, in the style of the thing that they do great.

Right. No one wants an experimental Ramones album.

Exactly. Or, like, or a Tom Petty record. I don’t want a tone poem from Tom Petty! I want a perfectly constructed, perfectly written completely singalongable three-chord song.

The new album has a very “live” Seventies feel. I’d read that some of the tracks are first takes. Can that be right? It all sounds very complicated.

That’s not right. I should say [rock voice] "Yeah, that’s right, we just jammed…" But, you know, I’ll be honest. There are some vocal takes in there that are first takes. But it really is just the sound of people playing. We get good drum takes. And good bass takes. And I play a bunch of guitar and sitar-guitar. And it’s the sound of a moment in time, certainly. And way more about looseness and groove and feel and vibe than anything else [I’ve done before].

Amazing live albums, virtuoso playing, jamming – those were staples of Seventies music. Have we lost some of that?

I mean, I can wax poetic on that idea for a minute. In the Seventies you had this tremendous sophistication in popular music. Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan and funk and soul and jazz and rock…. and all of the things rolled into one. That was tremendously sophisticated. It just was. There was harmony, there were chord progressions.

What else from that decade appealed to you for Daddy’s Home?

It reminds me of where we are now, I think. So, 1971-1976 in downtown New York, you’ve got the Summer of Love thing and flower children and all the hippy stuff and it’s, like, “Oh yeah, that didn’t work out that well. We’re still in Vietnam. There’s a crazy economic crisis, all kinds of social unrest”. People stood in the proverbial burned-out building. And it reminds me a lot of where we are today, in terms of social unrest, economic uncertainty. A groundswell wanting change... but where that’s headed is yet to be seen. We haven’t fully figured that out. We’re all picking up pieces of the rubble and going “Okay, what do we do with this one? Where do we go with that one?” Being a student of history, that was one of the reasons why I was drawn to that period in history.

Also: that’s the music I’ve listened to more than anything in my entire life. I mean, I was probably the youngest Steely Dan fan. It didn’t make me that popular at sleepovers. People were, like, “I want to listen to C+C Music Factory” and I was, like, “Yeah, but have you heard this solo on [Steely Dan’s] ‘Kid Charlemagne’”? That music is so in me. It’s so in my ears and I feel like I never really went there [making music before]. And I didn’t want to be a tourist about it. It’s just that particular style had a whole lot to teach me. So I wanted to just dig in and find out. Just play with it.

Is there a style of music you don’t like?

That I don’t like?

You're a jazz fan...

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

That does sound quite precocious for a 14-year-old.

It’s annoying. Just insufferable. [Thinking aloud] What music don’t I like….? Here’s what can happen. And I feel like it’s similar to when an actor has some lines in a script and they’re not very good – not very well-written – so they overcompensate by making it very dramatic and really overplaying it. I would say that is a style of music that I don’t really like. Where somebody has to really oversell it and it all feels… athletic. Instead of musical or touching.

Did you put your lockdown time to constructive use?

If you need any mediocre home renovations done, I’m your girl. It was fun. I did – let’s see now – plumbing, electrical, painting. Luckily there’s YouTube, so you can more or less figure it all out. I did a lot of that stuff and I have to say it was such a nice contrast to working on music all day. Because when you’re working on music you have to create the construct of everything. You’re, like, “I need to make this song. But what is this song?” Everything is this kind of elusive castle in the sky thing. But then, if you go and sand a deck, you’ve done something. It feels really good. And it’s not, like, “What is a deck? And who am I?” You’re just, like, “This is a task and I get to do it and I can see how the mechanism works I understand it it’s not esoteric – it’s simply mechanical". I can do something mechanical. I loved it.

Which bit of DIY are you most pleased with?

Painting the kitchen cabinets. That’s a real job. We’re talking sanding. We’re talking taking things off hinges. We’re talking multiple coats. The whole lacquer-y thing at the end. That. I’m, like, “That looks pretty pro”.

What colour did you go for?

Oh, you know, it’s just a sort of… teal. But classy teal.

Of course.

Yeah. The wallpapering wasn’t as successful. But, you know, that’s fine. So that was really fun. And then I also went down a history rabbit hole. I realised I had some gaps in my knowledge about the Russian Revolution and life under the Iron Curtain and the gulags and Stalin and Lenin. So, I went down that hole. And then I was like “Oh I forgot – I haven’t read any Dostoevsky”. So I have been working on his short stories – which are great. And then Solzhenitsyn I really liked – I mean liked is a strange word to use for The Gulag Archipelago. I read Cancer Ward… All of them. I recommend all of it. And then, before that, it was a big Stasi kick. I can’t remember the last time I had time to brush up on the Russian Revolution.

There’s a lyric on “The Laughing Man”, “If life’s a joke… then I’m dying laughing”. It’s also on your new merchandise. What do you think happens when we die?

Nothing.

This is it?

Yeah. I mean, I understand that it would be comforting to think otherwise. That there might be a special place. It would be nice! The thought’s never really been able to stick for me. I would say that we are made of carbon and then we get subsumed back into the Earth and then eventually we become life again – in the carbon part of our makeup.

Well, that sounds better than an endless void.

I don’t think it would be an endless void.

In what ways are you like your mum and dad?

Let’s see. Well, my mother is a precious angel who has unwavering optimism. She is incredibly intelligent and also very nonjudgmental and able and happy to explore all kinds of possibilities. Saying that, though… it’s sounding not like me at all. I’m like my father in that I think we have very similar tastes in books, films, music and a very similar sense of humour. My mother’s so kind that it’s hard for me to… Her level of kindness and decency is aspirational to me.

How famous are you, on a scale of one to 10?

God, I mean, like, “TikTok Famous” probably a one, right? I’m gonna say – I don’t know about the number system – but I’m going to say I-occasionally-get-a-free-appetiser-sent-over famous. Which is a great place to be.

What do you look for in a date?

It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. You know, I once read something, it might have been something cheesy on a card, but [it was]: if you don’t like someone, then the way they hold their fork will bother you. But, if you like someone – or love someone – they could spill an entire plate of spaghetti on your lap and you wouldn’t mind.

You play a zillion instruments. What’s the hardest instrument to play?

Well, I can’t play horns or anything like that. The French horn is supposed to be really hard. I don’t like to blag… but I’m an incredible whistler. Like, I can whistle Bach.

Is Bach a particularly tough whistle?

I think… yeah. It’s fast. And noodly.

What’s the first thing you’re going to do when we're out of lockdown?

I’m gonna get a manicure and a pedicure and a massage. Massage from a stranger. Any stranger.

What about a night on the tiles?

I will probably attend a dinner party.

That sounds quite restrained.

It sounds hella boring. Sorry.

Clubbing?

No, I don’t really go to clubs. I think in order to go to clubs you have to be a person who likes to publicly dance. And I don’t publicly dance. I mean I would feel too shy to dance at a wedding. But for some reason I will dance on stage in front of 10,000 people.

That’s why alcohol was invented.

Exactly! But I swear I would reach the point of alcohol sickness before I would be drunk enough to dance.

The effects of drugs on creativity: discuss.

Unreliable. Really unreliable. Sometimes after a day’s work in the studio you’re like, "I’m gonna have shot of tequila and then sing this a few more times, and then play". It’s okay but you peak sort-of quickly. You can’t sustain the level without getting tired. And then I would say that weed just makes me paranoid and useless. Every once in a while some combo of psychedelics can get you someplace. But, for the most part, you either come back to [the work] the next day and you’re, like, “This is garbage” or you get sleepy or hungry or distracted and you’re not really doing anything. I’ve never had opiates. Or coke or whatever. So I don’t know. I can’t speak to that. But with the slightly more G-Rated [American movie classification: All Ages Permitted] thing, it doesn’t really help.

What do you have too many of in your wardrobe?

I’m not a hoarder. I tend to have one thing that I get really obsessed with and then I wear it every day. Some people, having a whole lot of things gives them a sense of safety and security. It gives me anxiety. I can’t think if there’s too much visual noise. If there was a uniform that I could wear every day I would absolutely do that. And at certain times I have.

Like Steve Jobs?

Or, oh God, what’s her name? The Theranos lady… Elizabeth Holmes!

The blood-test-scam lady?

Well, I guess it was unclear how much of it was self-delusion and how much of it was, you know, actual fraud.

Another black turtleneck fan.

And – again, this is unconfirmed – she also adopted a very low voice like this in order to be taken seriously as a CEO.

Like Margaret Thatcher.

Did she have a low voice?

She made hers “less shrill”.

Oh yes. Yes!

What movie makes you cry?

The Lives of Others

That’s a good one.

Right. I rewatched that during my Stasi kick.

I’ll be honest, your lockdown sounds even less fun than everyone else’s.

I mean… Look, I had to educate myself. I went to a music college [Berklee College of Music] where I tried to take the philosophy class and the way that they would talk about it… it was taught by this professor who was from one of the neighbouring colleges in Boston. And it was very clear that he really disliked having to talk Kierkegaard to a bunch of music school kids. He was just so bummed by it. I’m trying to learn, “What’s the deal with Kant?” and he felt he had to explain everything only in musical terms [because he assumed it would be the only thing music students could relate to]. Like, “Well, you know, it’s like when Bob Marley…" I’m, like, “No, no, no! I don’t want that!” So I had to educate myself. This is where its led me.

Where should we ideally listen to Daddy’s Home?

Put it on a turntable. Pour yourself a glass of tequila or bourbon – whatever your favourite hooch is – and smoke a joint and listen to it. I think that’s the vibe.

Daddy’s Home is released on May 14

#have u covered Joni mitchell? Annie clarkson: ‘I have not’#OKAY MA’AM WHATEVER U SaY MA’am #st vincent #annie clark #interviews #marfa was a dream #Apparently #and that one time she posted her singing jm in the car #also that time at Newport folk festival with doveman #‘maybe that’s her shtick this time around’#’to be full of shit?’#’yah’#that’s hot

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