#ALL THE NAMES I COME UP WITH HAVE MEANING! BECAUSE I CAN'T NOT OVERTHINK NAMES! IT'S MY WONDERFUL CURSE

[indigowallbreaker]

31, for kiss prompt, with edelgrid (edelgard/ingrid)?

Transman Ingrid for all! Enjoy!

31. Kiss at Dusk

(Currently accepting rare ships! Click here for the info post!)

--

“I was thinking of announcing our engagement soon.”

Ingrid, who had a mouthful of fruit and herring tart, looked over at Edelgard with alarm. Edelgard laughed. “I’m sorry, I suppose I timed that wrong.”

Narrowing his eyes, Ingrid tried to both elegantly and quickly swallow his bite of dinner-- with mixed success. “Do you think the people are ready to know?” Ingrid asked, wiping the corners of his mouth with a napkin. Flakes of crust stuck to his lips that he tried to brush away before his lover could notice.

“I am certainly ready for the people to know. We hadn’t exactly been subtle about our courtship. An official announcement might stop the rumors that I’m turning into a Kingdom puppet, or that you are attempting to get close to me to carry out an assassination.

Ingrid shook his head. “Are people still saying such things? It’s been nearly three years since our relationship became known to the public. I could have killed you hundreds of times by now. Not that I ever planned to!” He hurried to add when Edelgard laughed again. 

“I know, I know,” Edelgard assured, taking Ingrid’s hand on the tabletop. “It’s always been an absurd idea.” She ran her thumb across Ingrid’s knuckles. A frown creased her face that Ingrid didn’t like.

Pushing away his dinner plate, Ingrid placed his other hand over Edelgard’s. “What is it?” He pressed. 

Edelgard met Ingrid’s eye. The sun was setting over Enbarr, feeble rays of light catching on the gold in Edelgard’s outfit in one last hurrah for the day. Ingrid couldn’t help but smile. Getting to witness the Emperor’s emotions so unguarded was a privilege he has earned during the war. He planned to never lose this love and trust. 

“I don’t want to pressure you into a such a personal decision.” Edelgard began carefully. “I have written up the announcement already but, what name should I put for my husband to be?”

Ah. Ingrid turned to the window. He should have know that’s what this was about. It had been only six months since he started using male pronouns and dressing in more masculine-styled attire. This transition was still new territory for himself and Edelgard-- and thoughts of a different name still caused a fearful sort of excitement to fill Ingrid. 

“I’ve been thinking it over,” Ingrid said with no small amount of hesitation. “There’s a few that I like but I don’t know if any fit.”

Edelgard took Ingrid gently by the chin and made him face her again. “Such as?” She prompted.

“Well... there’s Lykos and Everard. And then Claude had a suggestion too.”

“Claude? You spoke about this with Claude before me?”

“It came up at that summit in spring. I asked him where his name came from and we got to talking.” Ingrid took the hand Edelgard still held to his chin and brought it up for a kiss. “If it helps,” he continued sheepishly, “I don’t know how many of his suggestions were legitimate. He does like to tease.”

The affronted look that had taken Edelgard’s face at the mention Claude softened. “That he does,” Edelgard conceded. “What did he suggest?”

“Irfan. It means “knowledge” or “awareness” in Almyran, if he is to be believed.”

“And where do Lykos and Everard come from?”

“Everard was brother to the king of Faerghus about five or six centuries ago. He never became king himself, but he fought in many battles to ensure peace across the Kingdom. Lykos--” here Ingrid paused and offered an awkward smile. “He was a wolf companion in a storybook Glenn used to read us.”

Edelgard nodded as if fairytales were serious business. “They seem like good names. Which one speaks to you the most?”

Ingrid bit his lip, letting Edelgard’s hands slip from his as he sat back in his chair. “I don’t know. I don’t think people would like me parading around the new Empire with the name of an ancient Kingdom royal. It’s probably foolish to choose a name from a children’s book. And of course, Irfan might offend people who are still uneasy about--”

Getting to her feet, Edelgard gripped the back of Ingrid’s chair with one hand and leaned right into Ingrid’s face. He tensed as those eyes narrowed at him. He vaguely thought it would be better to have a weapon in hand if he was to be stared at with such intensity. 

“I did not ask how the world felt about these names.” Edelgard’s voice was deliberate. Commanding. “I asked how you felt about them. You are the one who has to live with it. I’ll task again-- which one speaks to you the most?”

Ingrid opened and closed his mouth. Years of being at Edelgard’s side-- through peace talks with Almyra and the reorganizing the Kingdom and outsting Empire nobles-- and Ingrid never got used to being near that gaze. 

After a lengthy pause, Edelgard smiled. “Allow me to assist. How does Irfan von Hresvelg sound?” Ingrid’s heart beat loudly in his ears. “No? Maybe Lykos von Hresvelg.” 

“Edelgard--”

“Everard von Hresvelg? If you’re looking to history for names you might consider Derick, a past prime minister who ended up marrying the Emperor at the time. You will be sharing his fate after--”

Ingrid pulled Edelgard down by the collar and kissed her. Dusk had officially fallen and their dinners were now cold, but Ingrid didn’t care. The world could have ended outside the palace window and Ingrid wouldn’t have let Edelgard go. 

When they finally did part, Edelgard cupping his cheeks with both hands, Ingrid’s head still spinning. “I will write use Ingrid for now,” Edelgard murmured. “If you choose a different name by the time we marry, we will use that in the wedding announcement.”

“I love you,” Ingrid could only think to say.

Edelgard chuckled and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Just so you know, Ingrid von Hresvelg is perfectly acceptable.”

Ingrid kissed her again. And again. And soon dinner was forgotten in favor of laughter and tugs towards the door and more suggestions for a good name of Edelgard’s future husband. 

[boobav]

!season 1

Viktor is, you've clearly observed, insecure of himself.

Quite valiantly, due to some looming social norm or personal feeling, he tries to hide it. But in moments like these, such an act becomes impossible. Try as he might, desperately at times, when he's pressed against you in the warm water, your fingers over his skin, your fingers in his hair, his failure is palpable.

"Are you okay?" You murmur into the nape of his neck, his back against your chest. The water threatens with gentle churns to spill over the bathtub.

He turns his head to press a kiss against your wrist.

"More than," he says, voice quiet but firm, "I just feel, sometimes," and he hums, as though forming an adequate description of his emotions were the hardest task on the planet. Viktor, your genius scientist, hesitant not to innovate, to change the world with his research, no. He's hesitant only to make sure he says the right thing to you.

"Like I'm too good for you?" You ask, catching his eye. By the gentle look you know that's what he means. He faces away again, nods in a vaguely ashamed way.

How, you've always wondered, can you truly change someone's perspective? When words don't seem to persuade, when actions bring only fleeting relief, what can you do?

"It's irrational, I know, some... flaw of the mind. You don't need to keep reassuring my senselessness." He leans into your touch, takes your free hand into his, soap suds bubbling between your fingers.

"Sometimes you talk about yourself like you're a machine, you know." You muse. He gives a half-hearted laugh.

"Not a well functioning one."

Are words or actions worth more in this game of convincing? Does he feel it deeper when you press your lips into his hair, or when you mumble compliments and honeysuckle words into his ear? He shivers either way.

It's a long game, you know. It's taken months to even reach this stage, where the self-deprication is a rarity, not the norm. Maybe it'll take his whole life before he can accept every part of himself like you can, before he can truly see himself through your eyes, gleaming and gem-speckled as they are.

You free your hand from his, reach up instead to knead shampoo into his thick hair. He responds with a sigh and sinks somehow further against you, the water falling slowly to a more lukewarm temperature. You're not sure how long the two of you have been in here, talking quietly about very little, exchanging words that'll disappear forever with the water. But you really can't find it in you to care.

There's work to be done, errands to run. Errands that should've been run a week ago. This ceremony, this meditation makes all of it null. For where else would you want to be? Where else exists besides here, this room, this moment, static in the cooling water with the embodiment of perfection.

When you tell it to him, as you so often do, when you tell him that he's perfect, he can't believe you. The first time you ever said it, peering into his eyes as if they held some secret treasure within, he thought you were joking. He'd laughed, more out of obligation than actual humour, but your expression remained still. Sincere. To say he was moved would be a wildly inadequate explanation. What he felt in his chest that night was something otherworldly, something without a name. He's come now to associate it simply with yours.

You run water through his hair, rinse out the shampoo as he lies pliant in your hands. He insists you use your soaps in his hair, some floral-scented collection you've used for who knows how long, because the smell reminds him of you.

There's no point in overthinking it, you suppose. No point in trying to map out and organise moods, emotions. No point in trying to turn a gentle human experience into something clinical, something without humanity.

That swirling, omnipresent yet transient concept of humanity. You simply must cradle it within your own. You press your lips into his wet hair, whisper words made of ginger and lavender into his ear. Because at the end of the day, you're human. You're in love. And sometimes, that's all that matters.

[matryosika]

Untitled #9

Wordcount — 1,618 words

Includes — Fem!reader, mentions of contraceptives, unprotected vaginal sex. Dubcon elements (but it is all explained in detail), mentions/fantasies of creampies, use of petnames (baby).

Author's note — Just a little something! I've had this thought for a while now, and I wanted to put it out there. Despite the dubcon elements of it, I really picture both parties being super into it with full consent —for this, the male character just puts up a fight because he considers things risky, but deep down he wants it just as bad. With that in mind, read this if you have no problem whatsoever with some dubcon. If it's not your cup of tea, just scroll!

Just thinking about a forced creampie with Chan.

He had been pretty vocal about how badly he wants to fuck you raw and come inside you, but the overly-reasonable, almost persecutory part of him doesn't let him get loose. Whenever he thinks about coming inside of you, he can't help but also overthink everything that could go wrong.

“Maybe I just need a little push, you know?” He told you right after you asked him what was stopping him from fulfilling his fantasies. “I tend to get too into my head, maybe I should just- I don't know, go for it in the heat of the moment”.

But even in the heat of the moment, Chan holds back. The amount of self-control he has is crazy, so as much as he wishes to get loose, he never manages to do so on his own.

You come up with a plan, but you first make sure that he is on the same page as you —that he wants this just as much as you. So you ask him just that, and the response you get is enough for you to proceed.

“I think about it at least twice a day,” Chan confessed. “I mean, not a day goes by without me thinking about how pretty your pussy would look leaking with my cum”.

So you start off slow —first, you convince him to fuck you without a condom, fully raw. He pulls out every fucking time, much against his lust's will, but you don't mind. At least not when you can now feel every inch of him, every thickness of his veins and the warmth of his bulge. And now, he gets to feel you too —like fully feel you. From your soft walls squeezing his dick, to the sticky arousal that drips out of you.

It doesn't take long for him to get addicted to that feeling, though —despite him “wanting to take things slow”, he soon becomes obsessed and the idea of using a condom ever again is discarded by Chan himself.

So it all starts off with fucking you raw, and it eventually ends up one night with you offering that much needed push to finally allow himself go.

You're on top of him, straddling his lap while his cock reaches the deepest spots inside your pussy. You can feel him twitching inside of you, and if that isn't enough confirmation that he is seconds away from coming, the grimaces of pain and pleasure along with the veins popping on his temple and neck definitely are.

His hands are bruising your hips pretty bad while he guides your movements on top of him —roughly grinding yourself against him, squeezing your walls to provide him with the stimulation he needs to come.

“Just like that,” he groans biting down his lower lip with furrowed eyebrows and eyes closed shut, “come on, fuck yourself on my cock just like that. Make me come”.

Coincidentally, you're trying to do just that. So when he bents his legs against the mattress, and his hands try to push your body away from his, you don't stop.

“Baby,” he groans out your name, whincing in pain the longer he tries to hold his orgasm back, “'m gonna- fuck, I'm close”.

You lean down over his body, placing chaste kisses along his jaw and neck, “give it to me, Chan”.

He squeezes his eyes shut, just as his body stiffens underneath yours, “move, baby”.

“Inside,” you whimper, shaking your head into the crook of his neck. “Come inside”.

Chan's back arches a little, just as he struggles to maneuver your body, but it's all useless —he doesn't have the strength to push you away, and he doesn't want to.

“No, baby,” Chan hisses, gripping your hips as rough as he can. “I can't- please, let me pull out”.

“Come on, Chan,” you plead into his ear, biting his earlobe while your walls clench around his girth, “I know you want to”.

He lets out a painful, exasperated groan in an attempt to hold back the pent up tension between his legs —you can see he is really trying his best not to come.

“Please,” you leave one last wet kiss on his neck before straightening up your body, going from grinding against his cock to fully bouncing on it, “please, come inside me. I need it”.

Chan swears he is going to lose his mind. Between the feeling of your cunt clenching around him, the sight of your pretty body bouncing on top of his, and the lewd words and moans that are leaving your lips, Chan is sure he isn't going to last any longer.

“Let me pull out,” he tells you once again, with no intention of ever wanting you to stop. At this point, Chan still puts up a fight because he doesn't want to give in too easily. But honestly, he is not interested in winning that fight whatsoever, “'m gonna come, baby”.

You press your hands against his chest and increase the pace of your movements, forcing his body underneath yours while caging it with your legs on each side of his body.

His face is flushed, and the painful grimaces and groans he lets out can only warn you that he might not resist any longer.

“Come for me,” you insist, digging your nails on the flesh of his chest, “please, fill me up”.

At one point, he just gives in to his dirtiest fantasies and carnal pleasures. Who is he to deny himself? You're begging for something that only he can give you, and he fucking will.

So the painful moans turn into primal ones, instictual and animalistic. He opens his eyes and stare at you, his hands going from your hips to your neck, choking you ever so slightly as you ride him to his high.

Not only that, but his hips start fucking into yours from underneath —if he is going to come inside you, he is going to have it his way. Meaning he is going to be the one in control, not you.

Your whole body trembles at the unexpected thrusts, and it doesn't take you long to feel a warm, almost hot sensation filling you up.

“You wanted me to come inside you?” He asks through gritted teeth, snapping his hips against yours while your whole body goes limp. Chan hugs you tightly in place, preventing his dick from sliding out of you, “you better not fucking waste it, then”.

He milks himself inside you with each thrust, letting out deep grunts of pleasure in between.

“Chan,” you gasp when you feel his cum oozing out of your pussy and around his cock, all while he is inside you, “fuck”.

Even after a few seconds, he feels he isn't done yet —he is still throbbing and pulsating inside your walls, and he just can't stop shooting his cum into you. This is the first time he comes like this, and it is as painful as it is pleasurable.

“It's dripping out of me,” you murmur when he finally slows down, looking down to where your bodies connect —it's messy, but neither of you can begin to care. At least not when it feels this good to be filled.

Chan lets out a deep exhale, his chest moving frantically as he tries to catch his breath. He feels defeated, and weak, but at the same time he can't wrap his head about how good it fucking felt to finally let go, to be able to fuck you full of his cum until it dripped out of your tight hole.

So much so, that the idea of pulling out and coming anywhere else it's just not an option any more.

And just like he got addicted to fucking you raw, he might be addicted to stuff you full of his cum now too.

He just needed a little push.

[marksbear2]

WILL GRAHAM X MALE READER

This is pure fluff and that’s something rare on this blog since I usually write smutt. But since I love this man sm he gets special treatment.

⚠️Warnings- fluff, healthy relationships, mentions marriage and starting a family. And etc.⚠️

— Likes to keep a picture of you in his wallet. He would give it a quick glance before heading into a case. Your picture is his little good luck charm.

— He wouldn't keep you a secret, but isn't open about it. For example he wouldn't talk about you for hours to someone (only with his dogs he does.) but if someone asked if he had a s/o he would tell them about you straight up.

— He still is very shy about asking you out on dates even though you two have been dating for a while.

— Mandatory fishing trips together.

— He most def wouldn't tell Hannibal about you. He wants you to stay the hell away from him.

— Probably tells you about the cases hes working on. Even if he isn't supposed to tell someone he'll tell you without hesitation if you asked.

— You being there when he's sleepwalking every step of the way. Even having to wake him up a few times.

— You and him sleeping together makes him fall asleep faster. To the point he can't sleep without you.

— He would like to vent to you if you let him. He'll just vent to you while cuddling with one of the dogs while you sit next to him and listen. After he's done and realizes what he'd done he'll feel embarrassed, but he trusts you even more.

— Jack coming to Will's house unexpectedly and opening the door and walks inside. "Will! I got-" Jack trails off looking down at you two play wrestler with the dogs. "Never mind." Jack says before leaving the house going back to his car.

— Likes to call you something traditional or something sweet. Like hun/honey, love,sugar, idiot or sometimes even bug. He didn't know where bug came from one day he called you it and never let it go. He means the pretty bugs y'know.

— He prefers holding hands rather than anything sexual.

— Walks around his property with the dogs.

— Late night conversations.

— Begins to tell you more about Hannibal as the days go by. Like what him and Hannibal were talking about and etc.

— Long warm hugs after he comes back home from work. Just standing in the middle of the doorway hugging each other in loving silence. Just silently reassuring each other.

— Him letting you play and style his hair. It helps him relax when you do it, so he asks you to do it more often.

— Constantly reassuring him that you love him because he's an insecure mess and overthinks a lot. Like you don't love him or you're just using him.

— Him smiling to himself just at the thought of you or the mention of your name.

— Drinking coffee together at the front porch in early in the morning just enjoying the others company.

— Him waking you up after he has a nightmare. He curls up in your chest holding onto your clothes tightly as you cradle him in your lap kissing the top of his head. "I'm here Will. Don't worry baby i'm right here."

— Him having nightmares about losing you to the point he tells Hannibal about you and his fear of losing you, because he couldn't keep it to himself anymore.

— Will refusing the offer to let you two meet over dinner. Like he shot down the proposal so fast.

— Ms Lounds trying to get you to speak about Will. Like trying to make you spill all the bad things you know about him. And you just give her the bird and walk away.

— You two probably getting married either in the forest or by a dock.

— I think he's fine with the dogs, but if he ever wants to start a real family he'll want like two daughters and one boy.

— He side eyes you whenever he thinks your being weird or something. And he’ll give you the silent treatment after a long argument.

THE END

[weird-is-life]

Rockstar!tasm! Peter meeting Shy!reader on one of his shows? Invites her backstage to meet the band and he's just real flirty w her? Please

Hii, lovely!🫶 thank u so much for this request. This was fun to write. If you have anymore rockstar!Peter requests send them my way!!!! Hope this is okay. Warnings: fluff, use of y/n and pet names, mentions of alcohol, concert, flirting, mentions of big crowd, (2k)

Your best friends drag you to a concert of some upcoming band they love. Honestly, you don't know a thing about them only that they are allegedly pretty good, and that your friends are paying for your drinks tonight.

The whole place is packed with people, because it's not just one band playing, there are multiple bands playing throughout the whole night. The pretty big venue, but it still does nothing to make it more spacey. There's barely any place to move.

You thought you didn't mind so many people at one place, but as you try to get to the bar through the sea of sweaty bodies, you don't feel very happy that you're there.

You've lost your friends on the way to the bar as well, so you're on your own to get through the crowd. You hope that you'll meet your friends there.

You're almost at the bar when suddenly there's something cold and very very wet going down the front of your t-shirt. And by the smell of it, you can tell it's alcohol.

"Shit. I'm so sorry," the person panics in front of you," I didn't see you, like at all."

You slowly look up from your cold, wet t-shirt to the person speaking. It's a extremely handsome guy. Like 'your breath gets knocked out' handsome type. And no, you aren't even being dramatic.

He's dressed in all black, sleeveless t-shirt, black baggy jeans and black eyeliner. You don't think you've ever seen such abpretty and cute guy. He seems a bit familiar too, but you can't pinpoint where you've seen him before.

But you're t-shirt is still very much wet as you respond," it's-it's okay. There's just too many people, i know you didn't mean to."

You don't know what to do next. You don't have anything else to wear but this t-shirt. And your friends are still nowhere to be seen.

"Still, I'm very sorry," he apologetically looks at you, soft smile on his face. "Do you have anything else to wear?"

"I don't," you reply with a sigh.

"Shit," he curses looking around frantically. He looks like he has places to be, so you honestly don't want to keep him more than you've already had.

"It's whatever, I'll survive the few more hours, I guess. I'm sorry about your drinks tho," you give him a small, sheepish smile, and start going towards the bar again to find your friends.

You don't get far because he gently catches your hand, "as much as I think some guys would enjoy the wet t-shirt contest look, I would be an asshole to let you stay like this. Please let me get you a new t-shirt?"

Your cheeks go red at his words.

"It's really not that big deal-" you start.

"It is to me." He tells you. "Please, let me get you a t-shirt that doesn't reek of beer and vodka," he offers again with a chuckle.

You think it over for a few seconds as he looks hopefully at you, there's something else in the way he looks at you, but you can't quite name what it is.

"Okay, yeah," you say, and he smiles big at you," but where can you find a shirt here. There's nothing here."

He gives you the cheekiest smirk as he says, " don't worry about that. I'll get one for you. Just come with me."

He points to the doors you know lead to the backstage. You shake your head in disagreement, "we can't go there."

"We can, I know the people, so let's go," he starts to head thar way, but you don't budge. Overthinking it too much.

"Am I getting kidnapped?" you worry lightly. Even if you have a strong feeling, that you can trust this guy,

He laughs at your question,"no, definitely not. But if you want to wait here, it's okay, too. I'll bring it to you."

You think it over, and decide that you'd rather not stay in the middle of this pit of sweaty people. And also because you've never been backstage before, so you're curious.

"No, no, it's alright. I'll come with you."

He nods happily, "great. I'm Peter by the way."

"I'm y/n."

He starts to walk again, and this time you follow him. You have a hard time keeping up with him. With his long legs it's not easy to get through the crowd as he does.

Peter notices it, he stops, and suddenly there's his big, warm hand around yours.

Calloused fingers like guitarist's holding onto yours tightly, so he doesn't loose you. It makes the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

He tugs you after him with an ease, and in no time you're in the backstage area.

Peter doesn't drop your hand, though, and he leads you even farther to some dressing room. He walks inside it so casually, and to your horror he pulls you inside with him.

There are 3 more guys in that room, all of them similarly dressed to Peter, looking very much like some rockstars. Peter finally drops your head, "give me a second, I'll find some clean t-shirt in my bag for you."

He leaves you standing in the middle of the room with your cheeks very rosy at the attention of the three other boys.

"I'm s-sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. I'll...I'll go wait outside," you point at the door.

"You're not intruding," Peter says softly, " these are my boys..." he names all of them, and each of them gives you a warm smile and a nod.

Fuck. You suddenly realise. They must be some kind of band playing tonight.

"It's nice to meet you. Do...Are you playing on the stage tonight?" You question curiously.

"Yeah," Peter finally finds you a t-shirt, and walks back towards you. "We are the last band playing tonight," Peter hands you the clothing, and you thank him. Still very shy at the thought that you are currently standing in the middle of some band's dressing room.

"There's a bathroom right here, you can go change, yeah?" Peter suggests carefully, he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything.

He thinks you are really, really pretty, and that it must be fate that you bumped into each other tonight. Peter only knows your name, and he knows he's fucked already. Like full on crush.

You only take a few seconds to clean yourself up, and change into Peter's t-shirt. When you come out of the bathroom, the guys are all standing, readying for the stage already.

"Hey, look at you, my t-shirt looks great on you, even if it's a little big," he compliments you with an easy smile, and you, once again, blush at his flirty tone.

"Thank you," you tell him," and thank you for the t-shirt, I really appreciate. I'm gonna go now though, i don't want to bother you anymore. I'll see you around. And thanks again."

You give him a wave with the intend to dissappear quickly out of there. Your friends are definitely wondering where you are by now. And also because your legs would probably give out if you had to endure one more flirty smile from Peter.

"Hey, hey, hey, wait up," Peter runs after you," I-I was wondering, if you would want to come listen from the side of the stage?

He looks unsurely at you. He has some kind of paper in his fidgeting hands.

"I can't, I'm sorry. I'm here with two of my best friends, so I can't even if I'd love to." You look regretfully at him.

"Then they should come, too! Please, it's the least I can do for spilling my drinks all over you." Peter blurts it all out way too quickly then he means to. Not keeping his cool composure near you like at all.

"Are you sure? We wouldn't want to bother," you ask quietly. Even if you'd really, really love seeing the band from the backstage. Because you don't want to go back into the messy crowd of people.

"You definitely won't bother anybody. It would be my pleasure actually to have you there. I can at least have some pretty girl like you there to dedicate our songs to," he winks at you. Flirting without much thought about it with you.

You can't say you don't like it. You do. Way too much than you probably should. So you say, "okay, yes. I'll text them right now."

"Great," he says with a big beam," and here, take this before I leave. Dave will escort you to the side of the stage." Peter pushes the paper from his hands to yours, and points at the bodyguard.

"Wait, Peter, what's this?"

"It's an address. If you could mail me the t-shirt back, it's my favourite," Peter tells you carefully, not wanting to sound like a dick.

"Oh, of course. That won't be any problem," you immediately assure him.

He nods at you, and leans in to give you a quick kiss on the cheek. Don't worry, he gives you the time to push him away, but you don't. You would never. He just couldn't say goodbye to you without ever kissing your pink cheek in his lifetime.

"I'm so glad i bumped into you," he tells you breathlessly, "I'll see you on the stage," and with that he's off. Leaving you a blushing mess as you scramble to text your friends to come to the backstage.

When they finally arrive, you follow Dave to the side of the stage as your friends stare around them in huge awe.

It's even worse when you finally get to the stage. "How the fuck did you manage to get us in here?" Your friends question.

"It's a long story, I'll tell it to you later." They just shake their heads at you, not able to believe where they are.

They eyes, and yours, go impossibly wider once the band shows up, and they start playing.

Peter immediately looks your way, grins at you and sends you a wink. You just smile bashfully at him.

Your friends eyes are instantly on you, "um excuse me, why is Peter Parker unabashedly flirting across the stage with you?" They squeal as they ask that.

Your face goes white. You didn't realise that Peter was Peter freaking Parker. Lead singer of that upcoming band your friends dragged you here to see. You almost pass out at the realisation.

You can't believe that the future rockstar is openly flirting with you across the stage, and your friends can't either.

Your friends demand to know what exactly happened, so you tell them. They go even more crazy after that.

When the concert is eventually over, you and your friends get escorted away from there by Dave, so you don't even get the chance to say goodbye to Peter or even be bold enough to ask for his number.

It's later after you spend a few days moping about your wasted chance with Peter that you finally get the strength to send him his t-shirt back.

You find the crumpled paper that Peter gave you, and only then you realise what's really written on it. Your mouth goes wide open.

Dear y/n,

I lied it's not my favourite t-shirt. You can keep it. I wanted to ask for your number, but I didn't want to pressure you into thinking that you had to give it to me just because I got you backstage (or just because I'm a handsome rockstar). So here's my number +xxxx xxx xxx, I liked you, like a lot, so please feel free to text me or you can ignore me, both is totally fine. Even if I may end up heartbroken, and write sad songs about you if you do decide to ignore me. Just kidding......maybe

With love,

Peter P.

You squeal so loudly that probably the whole neighbourhood hears you. You make a few laps around your apartment as you try to calm yourself down. You can't really believe it. You even read it a few more times just to make it real.

Once you do calm your racing heart, you call your best friends over to help you figure out what to text Peter. They very gladly agree to come.

And let's just say Peter is just as enthusiasticly waiting for the text from you as you are to write it to him.

[aperrywilliams]

I Need You Now (Spencer Reid x Ex!Girlfriend!Reader)

------------------ 

------------------

Author Masterlist

------------------

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Ex!Girlfriend!Reader.

Summary:  After the break up with his girlfriend, Spencer isn’t taking it in the best possible way. Memories flood his mind and the guilt of what he could have done differently. When everything is lost, there is no more to do than to go on, even if the only certainty in his heart is that he needs her now.

Word Count: 2.1k (a little thing)

Warnings: Angst. Spencer overthinks over and over again. The reasons for the breakout are not explicit, but you can infer them. Alcohol consumption. Open ending (hahahahahaha). I’m sorry (I’m not).

A/N: Full inspired by I Need You Now by Lady A. Please don’t sue me.

---------------

Pictures perfect memories

Scattered all around the floor

---------------

It’s late when I unlock my apartment door. As soon as I open it, it is the darkness that welcomes me and not you.

At other times, you would have jumped from the couch to greet me, throwing your arms around my neck and kissing me all over my face. And even if I always complained about you being up late for me, I silently loved it.

Sometimes, when I returned at dawn, I found you asleep on the couch with a book open on your chest. Those times, you looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't like the idea of waking you up.

That isn’t happening tonight, though.

You’re not on the couch. You’re not home.

And the worst part is that you said you are not coming back.

---------------

Reaching for the phone cause

I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me, it happens all the time

---------------

Our love story started pretty close as a romantic movie would do. I bumped into you on my way out of a coffee shop. You were going to go inside but were distracted by your phone. You didn't see me coming out until you were stumbling, and before touching the ground, I secured you with my arms.

I was the one who apologized profusely, even if you were the one who didn't watch your way.

When I finally looked at you, words left me. And to hear your voice telling me not to worry didn't help my cause.

I would have asked for your number if I were bolder.

I didn't and let you go instead.

But luck must have been by my side when we crossed paths again.

The same coffee shop, two weeks later.

I got inside that morning and saw you at the counter waiting for your drink. I recognized you immediately.

Without a second thought, I walked up to you. Before I could say anything, you looked up and recognized me, too. A smile tugged your lips when you saw me.

“Hi,” I greeted you.

At that moment, I realized I had actually spoken to you. Why did I do that? What was I going to talk to you about?

“Hi. Glad you haven’t got a coffee yet,” you quipped. Making me stutter.

“Oh, no, no. I wasn’t thinking of spilling my coffee on you. I mean-” I stumbled over my words.

“Don’t freak out. I was joking,” you hastened to explain. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

“A joke. Yeah. Uh. I knew that,” I said, trying to sound casual.

Why was it so hard to sound casual?

“Yeah. I figured,” you chuckled. “Will you tell me your name this time?”

That day, my fate was sealed.

We exchanged phone numbers, and against the odds, I was the one who called first.

That was followed by text messages and some coffee dates.

We both were pleasantly surprised at how naturally the conversation flowed between us and how much fun we had together. Forgetting our first encounter where I couldn't stop stuttering, as the weeks went by, I relaxed enough to be myself.

I can recall the time I told you I loved you. I was a nervous wreck, and as the words left my mouth, I only wanted to take them back because I couldn't stand the idea of being rejected by you, of losing you.

You were the one who told me not to be afraid of telling the truth because you felt the same way. I can swear it was one of the best days of my life. A passionate kiss sealed our confession as we vowed to be each other forever.

Nothing of that remains now, though. And I know that the one to blame is no one but me.

---------------

It's a quarter after one

I'm all alone, and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control

---------------

Why did things go down between us? We were perfect for each other. People told me that often, and I believed it, too.

After dating for over a year, I asked you to move in. I was excited to begin a new phase in our relationship, although you were a bit reluctant. Not for lack of love or wanting. You said you were head over heels for me, but you have been cautious about your love life. The last time you had a serious relationship, things ended pretty badly for you. That time, you swore not to go through something like that again, so you were careful about protecting yourself.

I knew that, too. You told me what happened to you a few months after we started dating. I swore I would never hurt you. I loved you, and I would never do anything to harm you.

I’m now sitting on the same couch where we spend so many movie nights. The same where truths were told, dreams were discussed, and we planned a future.

With a drink in my hand, I glance at my phone over the coffee table and feel the urge to hear your voice. I want to grab the device and dial your number even if you told me not to call you again, even if I agreed not to contact you again.

But I miss you, even if every day I tell the world I'm doing better and I will get over it.

The truth is I don't know how to do it without you.

I need you now.

---------------

And I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

---------------

Never did the silence overwhelm me as much as it does right now. It’s past midnight, and I can only think about what I should have done differently.

Maybe I should have opened up about what was happening before. You always knew I had a hard time expressing my feelings, but with you, that never was an issue. That’s why I can’t figure out why I did differently this time.

You told me I didn’t love you anymore, and that’s farther from the truth. I couldn’t stop loving you even if I tried.

Why did you say that, though?

Because I stop nurturing our love.

Because I took it for granted.

I made you doubt your worth and how important you are to me. I stopped listening. I stopped seeing. You gave me the signals, and I overlooked them.

Yeah, the job seemed more important at the time.

Of course, lives were on the line.

It's funny because none of that matters to me right now.

Missing you is something I never thought it could be a reality. How could I think about that when you were by my side to stay? Even the times I hurt you, you said you were to keep up no matter what. It was an unconditional love until it wasn’t. And I can’t blame you for leaving. It's all my doing, and I deserve to be alone. I deserve it, but I can’t stand it.

---------------

Another shot of whisky

Can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me, it happens all the time

---------------

There are times when you think of me. I do think of you every day. When I wake up alone in my bed or when I drink my first coffee in the morning, you are not teasing me by pouring all the sugar from the container.

I think of you when I check my phone, and there are no texts from you. When at night I don’t want to go to bed because you are not with me to let me love you.

I can still hear your footsteps on the hardwood floor of this apartment.

I can recall, like yesterday, the times we danced in this very living room. The time you build a fort with cushions and blankets just because I told you once I loved that as a kid.

The nights when you let us watch foreign films so I could translate you whispering in your ear. The same nights when the movie ended were long forgotten because we were making out just like the first time.

I don’t think I can stop recounting every single memory we shared: the good ones and the bad ones.

Because, of course, I, too, remember the fights, the arguments, the silent treatments. But above all, the talks and our agreement of never going to sleep mad at each other.

---------------

It's a quarter after one

I'm a little drunk, and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control

---------------

With the alcohol running in my blood now, I can’t stop thinking about if your affections belong to someone else now.

Of course, I can’t be mad or blame you for it.

But my heart aches when I think about it.

I know I lost you the moment I allowed you to walk out that door.

But the damn phone is still there, tempting me, pushing me to call you. Even if I don't know what I could tell you.

Or maybe I do: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I fucked up. I love you. I miss you. I need you.

Would you believe me this time?

It’s wishful thinking. A naive one?

I don’t think any word I could say right now can do some repair to the pain I caused you. But I could try.

I grab the phone with trembling hands and start typing the first three numbers: 8-6-7...

I can do this so that I will continue: 5-3-0... just one more digit.

But I know you’ll not answer. And if you do, it’s unfair to you for me to do this. I should respect your wishes. It’s the bare minimum I can do.

So I toss the phone again over the coffee table, and the tears run freely this time.

---------------

And I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Guess I rather hurt than feel nothing at all

---------------

If anything, I feel jealous of the person who will love you the way you deserve and will call you his.

In the same way I did a time ago.

Maybe I just need to get used to the idea. I lost you, and there is nothing I can do even if I still need you here.

I had the privilege of you letting me love you, and I’ll be grateful for having the chance.

Curling on the couch, I see the damn phone watching me again, defiance me. I’ll not give in this time. I owe you that much.

I was so immersed in my new determination that I could barely register the two knocks on my front door. It’s past one am, so I just assume it must be on a neighbor's door.

But then I hear another two knocks again. It is louder this time and impossible to ignore.

Grumbling, I stood from my spot.

I already know who it is. Derek Morgan has been adamant about pulling me out of my misery in the way he only knows: going out.

I could pretend to be deaf and pretend I didn't hear anything. But I know Derek; he won't settle, and he will use his spare key to get in anyway.

I open the door, ready to scold him for showing up at my door at this time. But words kept stuck in my throat when I confirmed Derek was not the one who was standing at my door.

“Hi. I’m sorry for showing up here without warning. I guess I didn’t think this thoroughly.”

My mouth opens and closes several times with nothing to say. At the lack of words, you continues talking.

“I thought I should call you first. But I wasn’t sure if you would pick it up. But if it’s a bad moment, it’s okay; I can go.”

Does telepathy really exist? I don't know, but I don't want to question it either.

“No, no. It’s okay. Would you like to come in?”

Your face shows something similar to relief. A bit of anxiety, maybe? I’m sure I’m not doing better.

What kind of test is this? I don’t know, but if it is the last chance I’ll get to do things right, God helps me to doesn’t fuck up.

------------------

A/N2: Bonus point if you know where her phone number comes from.

------------------

Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @levi-of-starz @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers

[hwaslayer]

love you in slow motion (psh) | three.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist ♡

—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.

—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 9.7k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, hints of a kiss (in a dream), feeling slightly hot & bothered by said dream lol, lots of overthinking (i mean lots!), some jealousy, san takes oc out to a casual dindin, ppl reallllly pushing for the oc x hwa agenda lol, some more seonghwa x oc x charli time, mixed signals, theyre both just sooooo scared of each other lol, sleepover!, sorry if i missed anything since i quickly edited to get this up 🫶🏼

—a/n: hi! sorry for the late update hehe hope you enjoy! the next updates might be a bit slower than usual (and as you can guess, my posting schedule is all sorts of messed up now 💀) but i promise i'll get them up asap! <33

You don't know where you're at. 

You're standing in the middle of the road, and it's pouring rain. You're drenched, and the only goal you have right now is to get to the house on the opposite end of the street. You start your walk, picking up your pace as much as possible to get out of the rain. However, with every step you take, you find that you aren't actually moving.

Just stuck in place.

You're trying to run now, but the house only seems to be getting further. You're dying to get out of the rain, the wet seeping through your skin; chilling every bone in your body. You feel yourself starting to cry, but nothing is coming out.

Nothing.

You're just stuck.

Suddenly, someone appears out onto the road ahead of you and you stop. You stop in your tracks, but somehow, you aren't afraid. Their figure feels familiar, their aura comforting. He stands tall, his wavy black hair resting beautifully on his head. He sees you and walks over, an umbrella shielding him from the rain.

"Hwa?" You look up when he finally gets in front of you, a small frown forming at the corners of his lips. 

"What's wrong, Y/N?" You shake your head and start crying, while Seonghwa throws his coat over your shoulder and brings you close. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I-I couldn't get to the house—" You point down the street.

"Sh, it's okay. I'm here now. Okay? I'm here." He continues to hold you close, despite your damp clothes against his own. His touch his comforting, his hand pressed at the small of your back. 

"Where were you?"

"I'm right here with you." He pulls back slightly, hand coming to tilt your chin. "I'm always right here." His thumb gently caresses your chin. Before you know it, his lips are inches away from yours, seconds away from crashing into yours. 

And it happens.

Seonghwa presses his lips to yours and you can't describe the feeling running through your body—

This is by far the second, or third dream you've had with Seonghwa recently, and you're not sure what your mind is trying to tell you. But, you're caught off guard when you realize your heart is thumping out of your chest, and there's this weird aching sensation in between your—

"Shit." You gasp, feeling flustered that you're finding your body reacting to Seonghwa in this way. You dig your head into the pillow, groaning at the thought of seeing Seonghwa in a new light.

But, the thought was here. It had made a home in that itty bitty corner of your brain, now on a mission to haunt you forever. 

And maybe, just maybe, it was time to finally face it.

You turn onto your back, staring at the ceiling. It's randomly 3:34am in the morning, and you don't seem to be the least bit sleepy. You let out a heavy sigh and pick up your phone, pulling up your call log and almost pressing Hwa's name by instinct.

Pause.

You've always called Seonghwa when you've had a bad dream, when you simply couldn't sleep, when you just needed company; but tonight, you weren't sure what you were gonna call Seonghwa for.

You just know you're longing for him. Specific reasoning unknown.

"Hwa." You kinda whine into the phone, but Seonghwa is too busy moving around in his bed.

"Mmm? Is everything okay?" He groans even though he picks up like he always does— even if he's half-asleep and on the verge of falling back asleep in 0.2 seconds.

"I can't sleep."

"Bad dream or something? Where's Charli?" You hear him mumble against his pillow, but it's still clear enough for you to hear.

"Yaya wanted her tonight." You turn onto your side, letting the phone sit on the edge of your pillow. "And uh, no. I just woke up randomly."

"So.. try shutting your eyes, Y/N." He sighs a bit.

"I can't. Can you stay on the phone with me for at least 5 minutes?"

"I'm here, aren't I? What's gotten you so shaken up?" He finally hears it in your voice, another small whine and a drip of neediness. And for you, Hwa knows that only means two things:

Something bad happened.

Or, something good that you can't make sense of.

"Nothing."

"Okay." He lets it go. "Maybe you should drink melatonin or tea before bed again." He mumbles again.

"Yeah." You lay on your back again, shutting your eyes as you listen to Seonghwa breathe softly through the phone. It isn't long before you feel your eyes getting heavy, immediately finding comfort in Seonghwa's soft snores. 

The next morning, Seonghwa vaguely remembers the phone call, and for a second, he thinks it's a dream. But, when he turns over and sees his phone still connected to the call, he smiles to himself as it's his turn to listen to your soft snores.

He's glad you were able to fall back asleep. It normally doesn't take much, but he takes some kind of pride knowing he's always the first thing that comes to mind when you need comfort, safety. He feels something swell in his chest, and he's not sure what to make out of it.

What to do with it.

When he feels confident that you'd be okay, he ends the call and gets himself up for the day— barely ready to face another day of work. He doesn't like when his sleep is interrupted, and truthfully, it does fuck up his mood. Kinda throws him off balance.

But if it's you, he'll sacrifice. Because he just wants you to be okay, to be happy. He's seen you cry and hurt more times than he'd like to admit.

More times than he's seen you smile.

That's all he really cares about. 

You.

"Goodmorning grandpa!" Woo smiles at him. "You look tired, what happened?"

"Just had a broken sleep, is all."

"You sure that's it?" 

"Mhm." He looks down at Wooyoung with a brow raised before filling up his water bottle. As expected, Wooyoung doesn't let it down easily and Seonghwa should've been better prepared. "What?" Is all he can respond with this early in the morning, while Wooyoung is beaming with energy and smiling all up in his face.

"Dude, just tell me." Wooyoung smirks at him. "It bothers you, huh? You didn't expect San to actually shoot his shot with Y/N."

"I shouldn't have asked." Seonghwa shakes his head. "Can you just.. get out of my face first?" Wooyoung laughs and sits on the edge of the treatment table, feet dangling back and forth while he waits for Hwa to respond.

"So. Does San shooting his shot with Y/N make you angry?"

"Why would it make me angry? If they're happy, then that's all that matters. I can't control her life, and I'm not gonna get in the way of that."

"But, your feelings." Seonghwa pauses and shrugs, continuing to put a few supplies away.

"I'm not gonna be that person."

"I wish you would just tell her." Wooyoung whines a bit. "I love Sannie, but I think we all know what's truly meant to be."

"We don't." Seonghwa sighs. "Anyway, I want them to figure this out. And if it works, then it does. I'll be happy for them. Point blank period."

"It would hurt though, wouldn't it? Because it's Sannie. Not just some random."

"Course it would." Seonghwa mutters lowly, in hopes of Wooyoung not catching on. But, he does. He sadly catches on. As much as he loves his friends, he truly wishes Seonghwa could just be happy. He knows Hwa could find that in the right places had he just looked. But, he also knows true, genuine happiness would be wherever you are. With you. 

He hopes he'll see it come to fruition one day.

The more Seonghwa talks about it though, the more it does hurt him. Because one day, he was planning out how to say this to you. How to sort out his feelings, how to be honest. Finally face the fact that after all these years, he's really loved you.

Then the next day, he's having to can it and scrape the entire thing. Throw the whole damn thing in the trash. Because if it's one thing he does, it's put his friends before himself. Even if it meant sacrificing and killing himself in the process. That's just who he is and he'll remain true to it no matter how much it hurts.

But damn, does it fucking hurt.

"It doesn't matter cause it'll blow over eventually." Hwa turns over his shoulder, hearing a few athletes stroll into the training unit. "Done with this?" He looks at Wooyoung with a brow cocked up.

"Yeah." Wooyoung hops off the table and gets himself together, Seonghwa already greeting the athletes as they walk into the room for their sessions.

"What're you doing later?" Hongjoong pops a chocolate almond into his mouth as he lazily lies down on San's bedroom floor, tired from the workout session they just came back from.

"I'm going to dinner with Y/N." San gives him a dimpled, toothless smile as he stands in front of his closet, wondering what to wear for later.

"Oh, right." Hongjoong yawns. "Is it like.. a casual thing, or like a date-date?"

"Uh, I guess casual?"

"Then why are you standing in front of your closet like it's supposed to be a date-date?" Hongjoong peeks from over the edge of his phone. "And why do you look so nervous?" Hongjoong furrows his brows at San wiping his grubby hands on his shorts.

"I'm not!"

"Mhm. I'm calling Seonghwa." Hongjoong snorts.

"Why would you say that?" San whines a bit. "Can you be honest with me? Is this wrong?"

"I thought it was a casual thing!" San groans.

"It is! But I swear, no matter what, I always feel a little guilty because of Hwa."

"You know for the most part, everyone's just teasing, right?"

"Right, but..?"

"But you know how those two are." Hongjoong sits up. "I don't even mean to discourage you because I know Seonghwa would tell you to go for it.. but you and I both know he's had it for her for years."

"Yeaaaah." San elongates his response with a sigh mixed in. "I don't know. I thought I'd just try and see where things go. I'm not gonna lie, I'm curious even though I probably will never amount to Hwa."

"Don't say that, dude." Hongjoong lets out a small chuckle. "It's just their dynamic, how they are. But, it seems to be fine for them both? At the end of the day, I know Seonghwa would just want Y/N to be happy and that's all that matters. Whatever that looks like."

"Has she ever talked about it? I haven't been here so I don't really know what's been going on between them."

"Nah. Quite frankly, it's the elephant in the room that no one wants to address."

"So, they've just been like that? Nothing's actually changed?"

"Nope. Same ol' Y/N and Seonghwa you know."

"Has Hwa dated anyone?"

"I mean, he's messed around but he hasn't really seriously dated anyone since Linh."

"Okay, so awhile." San nods to himself. "Damn, I don't know. Should I try asking her about it? We are catching up, that's really the main point of this."

"Sure?" Hongjoong shrugs. "I doubt she'd say anything though. Babygirl hasn't opened up to anyone about that and I don't think she will. Just go and enjoy your dinner with Y/N. Whatever happens, happens. Seonghwa will be Seonghwa, and he'll be supportive no matter what." San shakes his head.

"Yeah, I guess so. I just feel kinda bad for even having the thought."

"Seriously. It'll be fine. He'd tell you the same thing, I promise." San shrugs, pushing the idea to the back of his mind. The whole point was to mainly have time to catch up alone, though San isn't gonna shy away from the fact that he is curious to see if he'd have a chance with you.

He knows Hwa would be supportive, but it doesn't stop him from feeling bad. He doesn't wanna hurt anyone, especially friends he hasn't seen in years.

"Should I just wear this sweater?" San turns to Hongjoong, flashing a black sweater his way. Hongjoong is quick to give him a look, immediately shaking his head before laying back down onto the ground; hand tucked behind his head.

"Ew, no. Just throw on a shirt and wear that jacket or something." Joong points at San's black leather jacket. "Black jeans, boots. Simple, but nice."

"You're good at this."

"I thought you'd learn a few things in Barcelona over the past years." Joong shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh. "Guess not."

"Fuck you, dude." San scoffs, heading to the bathroom to get ready. 

It's another 30 minutes before San is finally satisfied with how he looks, rushing Hongjoong out of the door as he grabs his keys and wallet. He's shooting a text your way to let you know he'll be there in a few minutes, and that he'd like to say hi to Yaya and Charli before taking you away for dinner. You simply chuckle and set your phone aside, walking into a cloud of perfume before dabbing some lip gloss onto your lips.

"Who are you eating with, Titi Y/N?"

"One of my good friends, San. You'll meet him soon. He's going to come say hi."

"San?"

"Mhm."

"Is Uncle Hwa his friend, too?"

"Yes." You look at her and brush her hair back. "They're really good friends."

"Is Uncle Hwa going?"

"No, pea."

"Why not?"

"Uncle Hwa has other things to do, too."

"But, Uncle Hwa is always with you—" At this point, Yaya gently knocks on the door and pokes her head in, calling for Charli to come towards her.

"Chacha, let's go." Yaya takes her hand. "We can watch a movie until Auntie Y/N comes back." Yaya looks at you. "Is Sannie almost here? I want to see him—"

"Well, speaking of him." You look over her shoulder and wave at San, who is shyly smiling and waving back. He digs his hands into his pockets and walks over, a subtle rosy tint settling on the surface of his cheeks. It's been a long time, he feels. He hopes Yaya still remembers him and adores him the same way.

"Oh, my Sannie." She says, cupping his cheeks. "It's been awhile, look at you! Still so, so handsome!" He shyly chuckles.

"Hi Yaya. It's nice to see you, too." She dusts off his jacket and continues to throw small compliments his way.

"Promise me you'll stick around next time. I wanna hear your stories, too. I'm sure it was beautiful in Barcelona."

"Yeah, it was fun! It's a date." He smiles before shifting his attention to you and Charli, who is shyly pressing herself against your legs while quietly observing him. "Is this the cutie I've heard all about? Charli?"

"Sure is." You gently squeeze her shoulders. "Say hi, Chacha. That's Titi Y/N's friend, San."

"Hi." She waves before tucking her face into your legs.

"She's really not that shy once she warms up to you." Yaya laughs. "Come on, pea. I've got our movie and popcorn ready to go." She runs to Yaya and grabs her hand. "You two have a good dinner!"

"Thanks, Yaya." San gives her one last hug before waving at Charli. "Shall we?" You nod, walking alongside of him to the car. As always, San opens your door first before climbing in the driver's seat. It's a little quiet and awkward at first because it has been some years since you two have talked. You're sure things have changed for San and vice versa.

But, when you get to the restaurant, you realize he's still the same San you've known all these years.

He awkwardly swings his arm around you, giving your shoulder a small squeeze as you enter the restaurant. He's stiff, unsure of what to do with himself around you, and it kinda makes you giggle.

He's always been like that.

When the host brings you towards the back to your table, his hand slips into yours and it feels.. unnatural for whatever reason. Everything just seems too forced for two people who probably truly adore each other as friends and nothing more. Which, is fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Reality hits you quick when you sit and smile at San in front of you. You know it's not a serious date, and you feel a tad bit bad feeling relieved that it isn't. Even though San looks incredibly good and so, so handsome, the initial infatuation has slipped away from you because San is one of your bestfriends and that's how you've always cherished him.

"So." You giggle when he flips through the menu and shifts in the seat. "How's everything been, Y/N?"

"I don't know, same old, I guess? Yaya's still healthy and going, Soyeon and Junseo are good. Charli's good. Restaurant is busier than ever."

"That's good. Yoongi's still there?"

"Yeup! Jini is there, too. I don't think you've met her, but she's a college student working part-time. My life saver honestly, she gives me a lot of breaks." San chuckles. "How's your family? I'm sure they're happy to have you back."

"Yeah, they're good. They're the same, too. Not much has changed." Your phone dings and it's Seonghwa sending you a random tweet that only you two would understand. He sends the laughing emoji, followed by another text about it. 

"Sorry." You click your phone on the side to lock it.

"It's all good. But, yeah. They're the same."

"Your parents come to the restaurant from time to time."

"I know, they love it there. They've just been so busy lately with renovating the house that they're barely going out."

"Aw." You chuckle. 

"Are you good to order?" You nod, swiftly apologizing when you accidentally kick San's foot under the table before ordering. The silence between you two isn't entirely unsettling, but it does feel weird after years of being away from each other. Plus, San feels like's trying way too hard to make this go a certain way when he shouldn't. 

He's too fixed on it.

"San." You call for him when you find him glancing out the window nervously. "You okay?" You lean onto the palm of your hand and give him a smile.

"Sorry. I'm just nervous and I don't know why."

"Don't be. We've always been friends. Nothing has changed between us." He looks at you and the statement kinda breaks his heart. Maybe you two were really just meant to be friends. "Tell me! How was the program? Barcelona?"

"Ridiculously hard. I literally had no life, kinda why I fell off the grid and barely posted or anything."

"I'm sure it was worth it, no?"

"Definitely. Everything there is so different there. In a good way, though. It felt like a breath of fresh air for me."

"Did you date anyone?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess I'll tell get into that later." He clears his throat. "What about you, though? Are you into anyone?"

"Uh, no. And, I haven't really been seeing anyone."

"Mingi?"

"It was complicated, but I'm finally done with that." You poke at the appetizer that was brought out.

"I'm glad because he doesn't deserve you."

"Hm." You hum. "But otherwise, not much has changed. I think." San watches how you quickly pick up the phone when it dings again, and although it's not really an issue, he can tell how much your body language shifts from the text alone.

It's probably Hwa.

"Y/N. You're one of my really good friends, right?" You giggle and nod.

"Yeah, Sannie."

"So, can I ask you something? I want you to be completely honest with me."

"Of course."

"Is there anything going on between you and Hwa?" You look at him, down at your phone and then back at him. Because no, you're not really sure how to answer the question. Yes, but no? If this were any other day, you'd probably answer confidently. But today, things felt different. You can't say no without automatically second-guessing yourself.

"N-no? Why would you ask that? We've always been this way."

"I know, but. I just.." He chuckles and shakes his head. "Nevermind. It's probably dumb."

"No, tell me." He looks up at you just as he lets out a small breath, cocking his head to the side.

"Don't call me lame or make fun of me, okay?"

"Sannie." You let out a small, playful but defeated chuckle. "I won't, you know me." You take a bite from your plate.

"I don't know, I'm not going to lie. I've always had a little crush on you since we've known each other, and coming back, I truthfully thought it was a phase that might have gone away. It's not. I still have that crush on you, and I thought I'd see where it goes but—" San is rambling and you can't help but let out a small giggle at how frustrated he's getting. "I— I'm rambling. Sorry."

"No, San. It's okay."

"My point is, I thought there was a chance to explore this.. this time around." He gives you a tiny pursed smile. "But, if I'm being honest. I can see the way Seonghwa looks at you. I think we all can."

"Um. I don't know what to say? I don't think he sees me that way."

"Y/N." He cocks his head to the side, giving you a look as to say 'you know better than that.' 

"Seriously!" 

"What about you, though?"

"He's my bestfriend. Of course I love him and adore him to bits." You avoid eye contact and San isn't sure why that's the telling sign for him. But, you've deflected and didn't really answer the question. So, he's not sure what else to think.

"Are you happy?"

"I am."

"Truly happy? With how everything is?"

"I-I don't know. I think so. I'm.. content." He nods because for whatever reason, that answer tells him a lot more than it probably tells you. 

"The last thing I wanna do is ruin things between my friends."

"I—We're just friends, Sannie." You don't even realize how low and pained your voice sounds when you let the response slip from your lips. "I think this is as good as it gets for us." San just looks at you because he notices how you nervously fiddle with your fork and poke with your food. Avoid eye contact. Respond lowly. Maybe you just hate talking about the topic in general. Maybe you do like Seonghwa and you're in denial. Whatever it is, San doesn't think this is as good as it gets for you two.

Which, truthfully, is a little heartbreaking for him. He kinda saw it coming. Everyone did. He just thought there was a possibility since he came back and you two were still just friends.

San can tell Seonghwa will always be number one for you. And that's okay. He's glad he is. You two work well together, and Seonghwa will put his life down for you over anyone. He's just sad because he believed he had a chance and today confirms he doesn't. He never did and he probably won't in the future. 

This is as good as it gets for you two— you two as in you and San. 

"Y/N." He calls for you once more when he notices your attention drifting off to the food on your plate, avoiding all eye contact. 

"Hm?" You hum with a tiny smile.

"You know it's totally okay if there is, right?" You sigh and shrug. "You should just go for it."

"It's just not that easy."

"Whatever it is, I just want you to be genuinely happy." You pause. "And I truthfully think the answer has been in front of you the entire time."

"Can't get anything past you, can I?" You joke and give him a tiny, toothless smile.

"I'm afraid not." He laughs.

"I missed you." You let out a breath, cocking your head to the side as you observe him. Overall, he seems okay. He seems good. He seems happy. 

You adore this Sannie, and you will always adore and cherish him the same way you always have.

"I missed you, too." 

"So, can we talk a bit more about what else you've been up to over there? Your dating stories?"

"I'd be happy to tell you more." San smiles and continues to tell you about his adventures in Barcelona while the two of you dig into your main courses. Exploring and being on his own for the most part. He finally opens up about dating while he was out there, and how he had a few one night stands. He met a girl he did actually get into a rather serious relationship with, but he ended things since he knew he was coming home and didn't want her to plan her life around him. He wasn't the type to do long-distance relationships simply because he knew he wouldn't be able to pull it off.

The rest of dinner goes by smoothly, the two of you thoroughly enjoying each other just letting things be. Dinner made you realize that you missed having San by your side, and it made you remember all the times in college when you sat up late nights talking about everything and anything while everyone was asleep. You missed having that connection with him, and it feels good to have it back.

Though, you won't lie that San is incredibly attractive and someone you'd definitely fall for in another lifetime; being this way, not forcing things between you two and rebuilding your friendship after years felt the most right.

Your heart was just in another place.

When you get home, San opens your door and gives you a quick hug and a kiss to the temple before bidding you goodnight and sending his love to Yaya and Charli. It's just about Charli's bedtime so you quickly pick her up from the house to let Yaya rest and get her ready for bed with a quick wash up. Just as you respond back to Seonghwa's text, a call comes through on your phone from Soyeon.

"Hey." You press the phone against your shoulder while you continue to brush Charli's hair before bed.

"How's my daughter doing?"

"Good. Having the time of her life without you guys, actually." Soyeon laughs.

"Well, at least she isn't giving you problems."

"How's Japan?"

"Good! Warm. Fun."

"Gonna bless me with another niece or nephew?"

"Can you not?" You laugh.

"Doesn't hurt to ask, jeez." 

"Anyway." She clears her throat. "I meant to call because I wanted to ask you about your dinner with San."

"You remembered?"

"Course I did, the heck? I was hoping to hear some juicy details by now."

"Nothing juicy. He's still the same Choi San." You chuckle.

"So, I'm guessing your little crush was actually just a little crush." 

"Hey, he's attractive." You shrug. "But, I think we're always just going to be friends."

"Hm, cause of Hwa?"

"Now, why would you say that?"

"I digress."

"No please, enlighten me. Because even San had asked me if there was anything going on between us."

"Did he now? What'd you say?"

"Yeah, he did. And I said no, because what would be going on between me and Hwa?"

"Nothing." She sighs. But the silence definitely doesn't last long. "You know what, actually. I do appreciate San asking you that question. I wish you'd stop brushing it off." You sigh.

"What am I possibly brushing off?"

"The fact that you probably have feelings for your bestfriend, too. You're just afraid to admit it because you're afraid of things changing, or that Hwa doesn't actually feel the same. We can all see it, Y/N."

"I highly doubt it, it's just how we've grown to be."

"Girl, that man will lay down his life for you and drop everything just to be there for you in a heartbeat. He's done that for you since ever. You still think he doesn't feel that way for you?" Silence. "I'm just saying. A bestfriend doesn't always have to be at your beck and call because you're two different individuals running two very different lives. But quite frankly, Seonghwa is the one exception to that. He puts you before anything and anyone without question. If that ain't true, genuine love Y/N, I don't know what it is."

"You guys make this hard."

"Do we, or are you making it hard for yourself?" You sit and pause some more, quickly running through all of the moments Seonghwa has come to save you throughout the years. Be there for you. Lend an ear. Hug you and console you. Stay up with you. Find you in the rain when your ex-boyfriend let you leave. Held your hair back during shitty, wasted nights. Catered to you while you were sick. Helped your family; Soyeon, Yaya, Charli.

He was so, so immersed in your life that you didn't even realize how much he was. How deep it had gone for you and Seonghwa. How much Seonghwa had been there for you, more than you for him. There was no comparison.

Yet, he never complained once.

He never complained about putting you first.

"Mm, well. Just putting my two cents out there. You know I love you, right? And I just want you happy. Someone like Mingi doesn't deserve a good, beautiful person like you." Soyeon tries to cushion the blow, lecture, whatever you wanna call it, by reminding you about how much she cares for you.

"I know. I love you, too."

"Well, let me know how the aquarium goes tomorrow. And think about it, okay?"

"Mhm. Be safe with Junseo."

"Will be!" She ends the call, leaving you to sit and ponder on your thoughts longer than you'd like. Soyeon was right. You were just afraid, though. Why would Seonghwa have feelings for you like that when you two have known each other for long? You're convinced he'd always see you as his bestfriend, a pain in the ass, the one that he could never explore those territories with.

Today had you questioning everything. Revisiting everything, wondering what signs you've possibly missed. Your dreams. And now, you can't get it out of your head that maybe, you do love your bestfriend. That maybe, your heart was being saved for him. You can't deny the fact that you're curious.

"What's Uncle Hwa doing?"

"I don't know, pea. Probably busy." You finish brushing her hair and let out a breath, relieved Jini was able to help close up tonight and give you a break tomorrow. You were exhausted and you didn't realize just how much.

"Can you call him?"

"Cha, I'm sure he's busy."

"Call, Auntie Y/N. Please." She whines and you sigh, picking up the phone to Facetime Hwa.

"We're seeing him tomorrow, Charli." 

"Ya, but.." Is all she responds with, eyes glued to the tv screen. "I w-wanna talk to Uncle Hwa." 

"About what?"

"Tomorrow."

"He'll come." When Hwa finally picks up the Facetime call, you're only able to see his forehead and his eyes through the screen.

"What?" You furrow your brows at his incredibly sweet greeting.

"Jeez, hi to you, too."

"What're you calling me for?"

"For the record, it's not me calling you. Chacha wanted to talk to you for whatever reason." You hand her the phone. "Here, talk to your oh so loving Uncle Hwa." He snorts.

"Uncle Hwa!" She holds the phone loosely, also only showing off her tiny forehead and eyes through the camera.

"Yes, baby?"

"Are we still going to the aquarium tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we are. I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?"

"Okay." She giggles. "With Auntie Y/N, right?"

"Only because she asked to come." You glare at him from afar while fixing in your bathroom.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Laying down. Did you eat?"

"Mama made ramen."

"Hm, okay."

"Say goodbye, Cha. We have to go to bed."

"Oh. I have to go, Uncle Hwa." She looks down into the camera, making Seonghwa chuckle at how cute she looks. "Bye bye!"

"Sleep well, pea." Seonghwa says before clearing his throat. "Actually, can you put Auntie Y/N on the phone really quickly, please?"

"Titi Y/N!" Charli yells loudly. "Phone, phone, phone!"

"Okay, thank you!" You grab the phone from her, Charli running to your bed and getting under the blankets. "What is it?"

"What time do you guys wanna head to the aquarium tomorrow? Do you wanna go as soon as it opens in the morning?"

"Why, do you have other plans?"

"No, I'd rather just get in there when there isn't a big crowd yet."

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Breakfast, too?"

"Okay. So, what time should we be ready?"

"9am?"

"Okay."

"Well." Seonghwa shifts in his position. "If you need me again tonight, don't. I'm busy."

"Shut up, doing what?"

"Busy not picking up your calls."

"You idiot." He laughs.

"See you tomorrow. Give Cha a kiss for me." You look into the camera and roll your eyes before shutting off the call and getting into bed with Charli.

"Want some more?" Seonghwa looks at Charli as she eats a tiny cut of his pancake. She happily nods, picking at a blueberry off to the side of her plate. He cuts her a few tiny pieces, setting it onto the top. "What about you?" He looks at you.

"Can I have a little bite?"

"Here." He cuts you a half of his pancake and sets it on your plate.

"Uncle Hwa!"

"Mhm?"

"Do we get to see the penguins? A-and seals? A-and snakes, and jellyfishies, and starfishies!" Seonghwa laughs and nods, setting his empty plate aside.

"Yeah, we'll get to see all of that." Hwa calls the waitress over and immediately hands her his card to pay for the meal.

"Finish your food, pea. We'll see them as soon as you do." 

"I'm done! I'm done!" She giggles.

"One more." Hwa forks the last piece of the pancake slice, popping it into her mouth before wiping away at it. 

"I'm ready!" The waitress hands Seonghwa the receipt, giving him the opportunity to sign off on their receipt copy before tucking his away in his wallet.

"Good, me too!" He smiles at her and carries her out of the restaurant. You trail behind, watching as Seonghwa points at the birds flying around near the beach. The aquarium and restaurant were nestled on a small street right by the beach, gift shops and other cafes sitting alongside of them. It surprisingly isn't too busy yet, though you know the street and the aquarium will become crowded in the next hour or so. Seonghwa pauses in his steps and turns to wait for you while Charli continues to point out the seagulls sitting on the edge of the wooden rail that lines the walkway to the beach. 

"Let me pay for the aquarium tickets."

"Nah, it's good. Don't worry about it."

"Hwa, you paid for our breakfast already."

"It's okay." He looks at you. "I wanted to take Charli out today."

"Oh, not me?"

"Not really." You playfully pinch him, causing Hwa to let out a small groan and a laugh. "I'm kidding. Seriously, it's not a big deal."

"Thank you." You give him a cute, toothless smile. After Charli finishes observing the seagulls around the beach, the three of you continue to walk towards the aquarium. Cars are slowly piling into the free spots on the road, and the street is becoming busier by the minute. The three of you wait at the corner of the street, waiting for the walk sign to come on in order to cross and finally make it to the aquarium. Just as the light turns red and switches the walk sign on, you step forward to make it across. But, you pause in your steps when you realize the oncoming car isn't stopping any time soon and Seonghwa picks up on it quick. He grabs onto your hand tightly and pulls you back, keeping Charli close to his side when the car continues to run the red light— barely slowing its speed.

"Idiot." He mutters to himself before looking at you, the both of your hands clasped together. "Careful." 

"Thanks, pichu." He gives you a tiny smile before leading the way down the crosswalk, still holding onto your hand with Charli on his other. You like the way Seonghwa's hand fits so effortlessly into yours, the way it feels so natural, so meant to be—

"Uncle Hwa! Look!" Charli releases her grip from Seonghwa's hand and runs towards the seal statue near the ticket window. Seonghwa lets go of yours in an effort to run after her and make sure she doesn't wander too far, leaving you behind; suddenly feeling cold, empty. He doesn't spare a look back at you, busy snapping Charli's pictures while she poses next to the statue. You slowly head over, chuckling as Charli directs him on how to shoot the pictures. 

"Look." Seonghwa shows her the pictures. "I'll send it to your mom and dad."

"Aw, Chacha. You look so cute. Who taught you how to pose like that?"

"You. And Mama." You laugh, fixing her piggytails while Seonghwa sends the pictures off and heads over to the window to buy the tickets. You hold onto Charli's hand as you two slowly approach the entrance, Seonghwa waving the tickets in the air to show off to Charli before handing it to the person at the door.

It's a slow start at first, with Charli glued to your hip as she holds your hand— bright eyes full of curiosity as they examine the surroundings. Seonghwa grabs a pamphlet that has the aquarium map included, suggesting to go straight into the marine life and coral reef section. As you walk in, the area is dimly lit, with the only light from the tanks bouncing off of the walls. Charli's eyes glow as she runts to the first tank full of jellyfish swimming around. She squeals when she waddles over to the clownfish touch pool, Seonghwa coming to her side and guiding her little finger across the surface to get a feel for their calcified skin. You giggle when she whines a bit at the feeling, Seonghwa reassuring her that they wouldn't bite or bother her. 

Safe to say she was over it pretty quickly.

Eventually, you reach the coral reefs. Your eyes light up as you scan the entire tank against the wall, a variety of sea life co-existing and swimming through the clean waters. You sit Charli on the edge of the rail while you hold her close, letting her get up close and personal to the variety of fish swimming around the reefs. She looks up in awe, squealing and giggling to her heart's content when they pass her by and go along their merry way. Seonghwa comes from behind, surprising you with how close his chest is to your back.

"Chacha, did you see that?" He points from behind, chest now barely grazing your back. Any other time, you probably wouldn't have cared or looked into it much. But for some reason, today is different. You're not sure if it's because of the dream you had, or Soyeon's phone call— either or, or both. But today is different. You can't help but fix on how close Seonghwa's face would be if you were to turn to your left, on how he could literally engulf you in his arms and hold you close.

And the funny thing is, you don't think you'd push him away or dislike it one bit.

As if the universe was tuning into your thoughts, a fish comes swimming closely near the glass, causing Seonghwa to press up against your back and hold Charli's hand to the surface. He doesn't seem to pay any attention to what he's doing, chuckling with Charli as he continues to tell her what kind of fish it is. This might be a normal thing to him but to you, it's not.

Because now, your heart is beating against your chest [you hope to God he doesn't feel it]. Your palms feel sweaty. You're swallowing the lump in your throat. The room feels a teeny bit hotter.

"Titi Y/N, let's go!" Chacha whines a bit. You snap out of the trance you were just in, even though Seonghwa hasn't done much to create distance behind you. He looks down at you from the side, cocking a brow when he notices your delayed reaction.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry." You put Charli down, following her direction as she leads you into the kelp forest exhibit, pointing at all the different fish she sees. There's a play area off to the side that she instantly finds interest in once she's gotten a good look at the sea life, romping around and digging her hands into the different activities laid out for toddlers. Seonghwa lingers around to supervise, with you trailing slowly after you've gotten to indulge in the exhibit. You loop your arm around Seonghwa's and he lets you, keeping you close to his side as Charli continues to play around in the play area.

"Hey, thanks for taking us today." He looks down at you and lets out a breathy chuckle.

"Wow, a thank you that I didn't have to initiate? That's a first." You gently punch him.

"I'm serious, pichu!"

"It's no biggie. As long as Chacha's happy."

"Yeah, she is."

"So, you never told me."

"What?"

"How was that dinner with Sannie?" Seonghwa asks, avoiding eye contact.

"It was cool. We mainly caught up." You shrug.

"That's all?"

"Why, do you think there's more? Did Sannie say something to you?" You nervously poke at him, but you're not sure if you're helping your case or making it worse.

"What?" Seonghwa looks at you. "I'm asking you. He didn't say anything to me."

"Oh, yeah. We just caught up about life. His program. Family stuff. Things you already know."

"Uh huh." Seonghwa cocks a brow up. "Why are you being so weird then?"

"I'm not!"

"Did he say something to you?"

"Seonghwa, no. I'm not being weird about anything."

"You're also a very bad liar."

"I'm not even lying, though." You sigh and let go of his arm. He won't let up, and it's only because you're so close to cracking. Even though San truthfully didn't mention anything specific about the dinner, you've been acting weird since he picked you up this morning. The way you look at him feels different, and the way you've been latching onto him is different. Not that he's complaining, but something has shifted in the air and he doesn't know what to make of it. But what he does know is you— he knows you, so, so well, and thats one thing he won't lose at. "I just—"

"Auntie! Uncle Hwa! Let's go to the penguins!" Charli yells as she runs towards you and grabs your hand. She begins to drag you over, telling you to hurry. "Uncle Hwa, come on!" You look at him and subconsciously grab for his hand to drag him along at the three year old's speed. Seonghwa follows along, having to pick up Charli in his arms so she's able to see properly. When he lets go of your hand, your heart sinks a bit and it must have registered on your face because Seonghwa has to do a double take. He catches how your smile fades and how you awkwardly fiddle with your fingers while looking out at the penguins. You brush it off pretty quickly though, with the way you giggle with Charli and pinch her cheeks when she happily waves at them. "I wanna go see the big dinos now!" She points to the dinosaur exhibit just down the other end of the room. 

"Okay, let's go!" Seonghwa looks at you and holds out his arm, hoping that's the kind of comfort you were seeking for. Truthfully, he knows what you're asking for but part of him isn't sure why. And to be fair to you, to himself, he'll continue to keep it at bay until he's sure of what you're asking from him.

He doesn't wanna get his hopes up because it'll break him if you don't genuinely feel the same way he does.

And lowkey, he is a bit confused as to why you're acting needy all of a sudden. You've had your moments but Seonghwa knew to play it off because it felt innocent, like a bestfriend-honestly-bothering-her-bestfriend-just-because-he's-there kinda thing. Today, it didn't feel that way, especially when he looks at you and it seems like you wanna say something but you don't. Especially when you tug on his arm ever so subtly, hand teasing his so closely by the wrist.

What is it about today?

Why were you sending him mixed signals?

"What were you gonna say earlier?" Seonghwa asks while you continue to cling onto his arm.

"Oh, nothing." You decide you won't tell him about San's questions, or his sudden deep-dive into your relationship and feelings. You're hoping it stays between you two because lord knows you aren't ready to tackle that subject with Seonghwa right now, nor do you think Seonghwa would actually feel the same. Or, have the patience to deal with all the jumbled thoughts in your head about him. Little do you know. "We just caught up. That's all."

"Are you sure that was it? You know I hate liars, Y/N."

"Well, the subject about dating came up." You run through the sentence so fast that Seonghwa has to look down at you while trying to read into your expression. Whatever it was that was bothering you, he hopes you can talk to him about it. He'd be there to listen and offer his guidance no matter what. 

Always you first.

"What about dating?"

"He asked if I was into anyone." You generally state now that Seonghwa's indulging in the conversation.

"Hope you didn't say Song Mingi." You gently nudge him.

"No, I didn't." You roll your eyes. 

"Did you tell him you had a crush on him?"

"No."

"Hm." Seonghwa hums. "I still don't understand where you're going with this? What happened between you two?"

"Nothing."

"At all?"

"Look. I went to dinner with San and as I sat there, I realized he's still the Sannie I adore from years before. I just couldn't see him any other way."

"Whatever happened to 'he's so cute, Hwa'?" He mocks you. "Sannie is soooo cute, he would never date me." Seonghwa continues. "He'd never give me a chance, would he? Huhuhu—" His bottom lip pokes out.

"Quit, what is wrong with you!"

"I didn't say it, you did."

"I just realized some things, and I think he did, too."

"You're being so fucking cryptic, it's making my head hurt." Seonghwa rolls his eyes before returning his attention to Charli playing around with the dinosaur activities.

"How am I being cryptic?"

"You tell me everything, yet you can't even tell me what happened during your dinner with San without beating around the bush." You look at him with a small pout and he almost feels his knees buckling because god, he is so weak for you sometimes. But, because of that, he finds himself getting easily frustrated when you can't just be straight up with him. "So, where does this leave you two?"

"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.

"Why would it ruin things between us?"

"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay. 

"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."

"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."

"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular." He tilts his head to the side, and you're afraid he's reading into your mind. He's good at that shit, and you hate it.  Because no, that's not it. He must know, that's why he's looking into your soul, patiently waiting for the truth to come out. "Y/N, I think—"

Seonghwa is why. He is the reason why you can't find yourself moving anywhere with San.

"I'm done! Let's go!" Charli runs up to Hwa's legs, interrupting the staring contest you two had going on just as he was about to carry on. You clear your throat and step away from him, focusing your attention on Charli.

"Wanna see all the bugs and snakes, pea? They're down there in that small section." You point down the hall and she grabs your hand. 

"Yes! Let's go, let's go!" She repeatedly yells. "Uncle Hwa, come on! Slow poke!" He chuckles to himself, following the both of you into the insects exhibit.

As you, Charli and Seonghwa continue to go through the rest of the aquarium, you find yourself focusing on how well Seonghwa takes care of Charli. He continues to keep her smiling; throwing giggle fits when he swoops her into his arms and blows raspberries against her tummy. He patiently walks through every exhibit with her hand in his, pointing at the animals while giving her a fun fact or two. You rarely have to lift a finger because Seonghwa continues to keep her occupied, while also keeping you happy. 

You don't have to ask for anything, and Seonghwa continues to deliver.

Towards the end, Charli asks for Seonghwa to take her into the gift shop. You find yourself wandering around, eyes fixed on the cute octopus plush they have on display. You set it down, convincing yourself you don't really need the damn thing [but it'd be nice]. By the time you've made your way around the store, you catch Seonghwa and Charli at the register— the same octopus plush in his hands. For a minute, you think it's for Chacha until you realize she already has a turtle plush she's hugging close to her chest. It isn't until Seonghwa turns towards you with a small smile, digging his wallet back into his pocket.

"Here."

"What, this is mine?"

"I wasn't the one looking at it." Seonghwa chuckles a bit. "Take it before I regret it."

"Hwa." You whine a bit, bottom lip poking out into a pout. "You didn't have to."

"You looked like you were having trouble putting it down so yeah, I guess I kinda had to."

"You paid for everything today." He shrugs.

"It's fine. I don't always find myself here, anyway." You hug him tightly, taking everything in while he pretends to be disgusted by the affection. "Please."

"You love me."

"I was forced to." You playfully punch him as you pull away, causing him to let out a small 'ow.'

"By the way, were you gonna say something earlier before Chacha dragged us to the insects?" Seonghwa pauses and he wants to yes. He does want to say something. He knows you weren’t talking about San. He wants you to know you’re all he wants. He wants to say he loves you, and adores you, and wants to take care of you if you'd just let him.

"Nah. It wasn't anything."

"You sure?" 

"Mhm." You look at him and subtly frown at the way he looks conflicted, puzzled. But, he brushes off quick cause he knows you'll read into him, too.

"Mmkay then. Are you going to stay at my place for a bit or just drop us off?"

"I'll hang out for a bit. Ready?" He looks down at Charli, who has been entirely smitten over her turtle plush these past few minutes. She's completely oblivious to you two, barely paying any attention now that she has a new toy in hand.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." He nods in agreement, crouching down to Charli's level. "Ready to go, Chacha?"

"Yes please." She nods, letting Seonghwa hold her hand.

"You tired? Did you have fun at least?"

"I did." Is all Charli says as you make your way out of the now very busy aquarium. She yawns as she holds her turtle plush tight against her chest. Seonghwa pauses in his steps and waits for you to walk alongside of him, never wanting you to get left behind or lose sight of you. Once you finally catch up, you hold onto his arm while navigating through the crowded streets. Eventually, Seonghwa has to carry Charli and hold your hand in order to breeze through the rest of the crowd. 

"Are you guys hungry for anything? Need anything before we go home?" The question slips from Seonghwa's lips so naturally, it almost seems like this is a normal, daily routine for you two. You nod though, remembering you do have a few groceries you'd like to grab. 

Seonghwa doesn't complain. 

He takes you to the market to give you some time to grab your groceries, staying in the car while Charli naps in her carseat. You're in and out, gently setting your bags on the floor in the backseat before settling into the passenger's seat. You and Seonghwa don't talk much on the way back home for the sake of Charli, only chiming in when you or Seonghwa have a pressing question to ask the other.

When you finally touch base at home, Charli wakes up in Seonghwa's arms while he carries her into your suite. You usher her into the bathroom for a quick bath before slipping her into some comfy pajamas. Seonghwa is relaxing on the couch, randomly watching Loki while waiting for you two to be finished.

"What're you gonna cook for dinner later?"

"Not sure. I might see what Yaya has. I'm too lazy." He chuckles.

"Put those groceries to use." He stands and heads to the kitchen. "I can make something, but it'll sit out for awhile until dinner."

"It's fine." You brush Charli's wet hair before sitting her in between your lap to dry her hair. "What're you doing later anyway?"

"Nothing."

"Why don't you just hang out and stay or something?"

"You want me to?"

"Why not?" He shrugs.

"Don't wanna invade your space or whatever you say." You laugh.

"I'm telling you to stay."

"Alright then." 

"Don't sound too excited, jeez." He laughs. 

"What do you want me to say?" Seonghwa smiles and gently tickles at Charli's stomach. "At least I'll be with Chacha!" She giggles as you continue to dry her hair. "Gonna wash up." He heads to your closet to go through the random assortment of bottoms and tops that you've borrowed [kept].

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and early evening, Seonghwa indulges in Charli's antics and plays along with her— giving you some time to clean around the suite and help Yaya with a few things in the house. As night time falls, Seonghwa is quick to make dinner for you and Chacha, putting all of the cooked dishes in front of you on the coffee table while you watch a movie with Charli. Once he's satisfied and cleans up after himself in the kitchen, he settles on the opposite side of Charli and indulges in Encanto playing loudly on the screen.

After dinner, you help Seonghwa clean up before you're getting Charli ready for bed and tucking her in. Seonghwa has made a little bed in your tiny living room area floor— pushing the coffee table up so that you three can lay comfortably. When Monsters University comes on, you find that Seonghwa is invested but.. isn't? He's constantly checking his phone, and you shouldn't be annoyed because it's probably the boys.

But, you are.

It's probably the boys.

Right?

Why does it matter?

"Are you watching?" You squint at him and he quickly finishes his text before he plops the phone down on his chest and looks at you.

"Yeah?"

"No, you're not." You give him a look. "Are you texting the boys?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He teases and you roll your eyes. "I'm kidding. Yes, and someone I met a couple of days ago."

"What? You never told me about that."

"I didn't tell you because it's just that. We met and we're just casually talking about things."

"A girl?" He nods.

"Uh huh. Her cousin plays for the football team and she was visiting during training."

"Oh, interesting. Are you like.. interested in her?" You divert your attention to the movie.

"Uh." Seonghwa pauses and shrugs, even if you aren't looking at him. "I'm just seeing where things go? Do I need to have a reason right now?"

"No. I'm just wondering." He picks up his phone again when it dings.

"But Uncle Hwa, I thought Titi Y/N was y-your girlfriend." She stutters as she keeps her eyes on the movie.

"Mm, she is my friend who is a girl, Chacha. My bestfriend."

"But, my mommy said—"

"Okay, let's watch the movie, pea." You cut her off and she happily obliges. "You too, Uncle Hwa." You glare at him once more before smacking him on the bicep.

"Ouch, stop. I'm watching." He whispers harshly, yet continues to text.

"Pichu." You whine "You stop." He grabs your hand before you could land your next hit. He chuckles as he holds onto it, not wanting to let go but to also make his point that you aren't winning this fight. "Hwa." You whine even more.

"I win."

"Fine." You pout and he pinches your cheek.

"Loser." He smiles. "I'm watching, okay? I'm done." He sets his phone to the side and gives you a look. "See?"

"Mhm. What else could possibly be more important than us?"

"Drama." He laughs. "Why does it matter anyway, you're gonna fall asleep in two—"

"Uncle Hwa, Titi Y/N. Movie." Charli says looking at the both of you before shifting her attention back to the TV. You pinch Seonghwa on the shoulder, causing him to silently wince in pain before the both of you finally pay attention to the movie.

It's not long before you feel your eyes getting heavy, and you hate to admit that Seonghwa knows you so well. Charli hadn't fallen asleep too long ago, sandwiched in between you and Seonghwa— her hair a mess on the pillow. She's letting out some soft snores, her hand resting lazily on her chest. 

She must've had a long, but good and fun day.

Seeing her this comfortable and content makes you even more sleepy. So much more sleepy that within the next scene, you're fast asleep with your head resting against Chacha's. Seonghwa figures it's a bit too quiet— too quiet especially for someone like you, who is the main yapper between the two of you.

He looks at you and smiles softly to himself.

His heart does a thing; it always does a thing, but in these moments it feels too intense for him to register. He just wants this.

And it's so hard for him to fight it off when there's that glimmer of hope saying you feel the same way.

That you want this, too.

Especially after today. Because he knows you well, so well, and he knows there are things you meant to say but you couldn't. He understands, though. He wants to say a lot, he's just not sure how. But god, does he hope he's right for once. 

He hopes that you are looking at him in a different light, he hopes that you've realized he'd been here all along.

"If only you knew." He whispers. "Night, Y/N." He says softly before pulling the blanket up to cover you perfectly, brushing the hair away from your face before shutting off the TV and laying on his back to stare at the ceiling.

He just hopes for you, and you only.

♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[silentcryracha]

❍ ‗ Spotlight (lee know) ‗ ❍

Pairing : Lee Know x f reader

Summary : An upcoming work event stresses you out of your mind. But someone's there to help you relieve some of that stress, and who would've thought that it would be that one annoying co-worker?

Genre/ Warnings : it's a light co-workers enemies to lovers thing, talk about stage fright, mention of anxiety and bad breakup, talk of being chated on, some insecurity (brief and not specific mention), smut with plot (ONLY 18+), protected sex (UNBELIEVABLE?), soft dom minho of you squint, the whole this is a bit angsty, ending is open (is it tho?)

Word count : 10k (oh brother)

A/n : Has it ever happened to you to be SOO pent up and stressed that you could punch a wall and cry at the same time? Yeah, exactly. How about we fuck instead! Lmao, enjoy

ps: There could be grammar errors. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎

masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It all started with that damned research plan. 'Why the fuck did I even agree to that?', that's pretty much the same question that's been going through your mind for the past week.

Your boss held a meeting some time ago and asked your unit to bring up some ideas for an upcoming convention that will be held a few hours from your city. Several major companies in your field would be presenting their own projects to some big names in the industry plus some extremely wealthy people, that actually put their money into good causes.

So you did what you had to, took a couple of days to research and came up with an idea. You knew it was a good concept, and that you were good at your job. You were pretty confident. However, you were part of a team. A small one, but still, you were not in charge of anything in reality.

Which is why you nearly had a heart attack when during the meeting your boss actually decided on the spot to create a whole concept based on your idea. With you in charge.

Panic flooded your mind as you tried to reason with him, going from 'I can't do it' to 'We're a team', literally anything to try and make him change his mind. Even downplaying yourself, for how much it hurt your ego. Just because you have great ideas doesn't mean you want to have the literal spotlight in a livestreamed work convention!

"This unit has been doing a good job for the past months, while still being experimental. I think you deserve it. But I need you to prove yourselves this time, too. So what do you say, y/n?"

And with that, he got you. Why lie. Not only because you desperately wanted to get ahead in the company, but also because you knew for a fact that the rest of the team wanted it as bad as you did.

Were you really going to be the villain and turn down such an occasion for everyone, just because of your own overthinking? So, in the end, as unsure as you were, you still accepted.

And you couldn't lie, the prospect of getting recognition and a better working position fueled your motivation. You would've still been sick 10 minutes before the event, you were sure. 'But that will come later', you tried to convince yourself.

Fast forward to two weeks later, that's how you found yourself stuck to the office computer at 8 pm. On a Friday night. In your twenties. All the documents, research, presentation, audio, script…literally everything was ready and finalized.

You were pretty sure that if you asked your co-workers to check it one more time...you would've had the whole computer thrown at you. So you did it yourself, of course. Again and again.

You were the one who would have had to go up on a stage and explain it all, weren't you? You were so worried that your stage fright would make you somehow forget it all and even managed to fuck up reading from the script.

The fourth, or maybe fifth, coffee of the day being the only thing keeping you going. Aside, maybe, from the adrenaline. You were tired, yes. You should be going home, checking that your suitcase was properly packed and your tickets ready for your morning flight. Yet your anxious and perfectionist mind just wouldn't let you relax.

"Aren't you going home?" a voice interrupted your flow of thoughts, making you roll your eyes. You didn't even have to look to recognize that voice.

"No. But you should." you responded, with annoyance in your voice.

Lee Minho. Your 'second in command', as per your boss words. You have never quite spoken, before the past two weeks. Which sounds incredibly unrealistic, being in the same small work unit and all, but it was true.

Your team was an efficient one, but definitely not a tight one. All seven of you were literally picked out from different bigger divisions in the company, some even from other office buildings.

Straight away you were told that your team was going to be an experiment. This was roughly ten months ago, which wasn't much, but for a bunch of people who were essentially stuck in a limbo, uncertain of where they'll end up the followung year, was more than enough.

Being honest, you weren't particularly eager to get close to any of them. Whether it was an off-vibe or just you being kinda closed off and shy, you weren't sure. Regardless, you kept work life and personal life well separated.

Lee Minho, for example, was someone who you could never quite read. You may not have been very social, but you were observant. You knew that he was good at his job, often getting extra meetings and praise from higher ups. He was also quite standoffish, kinda like you. You did see him a few times talking with some other people at the company's cafe. But you didn't know them.

Then, suddenly this presentation thing happened, and just like a bunch of new class mates, the team was forced to collaborate. And boy, did you learn to know him quickly.

Your guess that he was good at his job was correct, but he was also extremely cocky while doing it. Your boss put you in charge, and yet it seemed that his life mission was to contradict and question you in almost everything. And the most infuriating thing was that he had a point, each time.

You lowkey hated him, because he would just add fuel to the fire. More details on a topic, some script corrections, visual corrections to pictures and illustrations. He seemed to be wanting to do stuff his way. But so were you, so it was kind of a silent war between you two. During one of the earlier briefs, you even mentioned it to your boss, and he just said to compromise. Easier said than done for two stubborn, competitive, people.

"The janitor will come soon to kick you out." he insisted, as he took his long suede coat from the hanger.

"Then I'll tell him to give me a few more minutes." you replied, squeezing your eyes for a moment, desperately trying to moisten them a little after spending so many hours in front of the computer screen.

"You said that forty minutes ago. Everyone else has already left like, two hours ago." his voice didn't have any particular feeling to it, but the fact that he was so insistent made you snap.

"Listen, Minho" you started, turning your head back towards him, "Whatever this is, quit it. I don't need an assistant, nor someone to remind me of the office's rules and I certainly don't need your concern."

This time it was his turn to roll his eyes, an annoyed smirk on his sharp features as he crossed his arms and leaned back on the wall.

"And I'm not claiming to be any of those. Are you forgetting that you're the head of the team and it's your job to make a decent presentation for all of us, right" he responded, the scolding tone suddenly making you feel uncomfortably small. He was right, of course you knew it.

You stood up, the desk chair rolling slightly behind you.

"Of course I fucking know-" your venomous response was suddenly interrupted by a knock on the big glass window of the office.

You and Minho both turned your heads and saw the two janitors staring at you. The older man who knocked looked quite annoyed and like he didn't give a single fuck about intruding, but the younger one behind him had his eyebrows raised and looked to be hiding an amused smile, clearly enjoying the show.

"I'm sorry miss y/l/n, we can't wait any longer to close up the floor. It's the company rules." he said, absolutely not meaning the 'sorry' in the slightest. And you couldn't blame him, really. You wouldn't either.

So you took a deep breath, faked a polite smile and nodded.

"Yes, I understand. I'll just pack my stuff and be out in a couple of minutes. Promise." he just grumbled a 'sure' while the younger one behind him gave you a tight lipped smile in embarrassment, then walked off.

You side eyed Minho as you turned back to your station to pack up your stuff and turn off the computer. Making sure to send yourself a copy of the slide presentation and the speech script. Well, another copy of the previous five files, anyway. Can never be sure enough!

'Don't you dare say anything.' you warn.

'Wasn't going to.' he replied, 'That was embarrassing enough already' you picked up on the humor in his voice, but it didn't make you smile in the slightest. You just wanted to get rid of him and go home to stress yourself until tomorrow, in peace. Maybe with a drink or two.

You noticed him waiting for you, for some reason, but you decided to ignore him and walk out of the office without sparing him a glance. He quietly followed ad you approached the elevator, and then pushed the button for the first floor before you could.

You stood there in silence, annoyingly aware of his presence not even a meter behind you.

"Why do you hate me?" Minho spoke with a curious, yet careful tone. His question took you by surprise, and also embarrassed you a bit. Did you actually even hate him? That seemed like a strong word for whatever you had going on.

"I don't 'hate' you." you answered, making the word, "You're just extremely annoying." he snorted a laugh.

"Well, at least you're honest." the irony in voice didn't escape you, and you instantly felt... quite bad? Qauite honestly you didn't know how to reply, so you shut up instead.

The elevator doors finally opened at the first floor, which was already eerily quiet and dark. Except for two security people that waved both of you off as you exited the building.

"Well, y/n, get home safely. I'll see-" he started to talk while taking a step back, but you stopped him, gesturing with your hand.

"Wait, Minho" he stopped in his tracks, clearly surprised. Your eyes wandered on the street, watching the cars pass by, as you rubbed your clothed shoulder, both from the cold and the nervousness.

"I'm sorry. I don't actually have a personal problem with you. And even if I did, my behaviour was unprofessional and rude. So I apologize." you created a small puff of hot air as you talked.

"Y/n-" you interrupted him yet again, not on purpose, but you kept going, in hopes of finishing off that awkward interaction.

"Also, I'm not your boss or anything, but I wanted to tell you that you did a good job. And, while it does cost a small piece of my ego to admit it, you gave some very good inputs. So, thank you." you cleared your throat a bit, still not looking back at him, even though you could feel his gaze on you.

Minho bit back a smile, and was about to answer, thinking you were finished, but suddenly the mood shifted and your voice started to tremble. His smile dropping fast and a confused expression taking place as he listened.

"I'm not usually like this, I-I...' you bit your lip, trying to regain composure, 'It's been a shitty period lately and this was kind of the last straw you know? I fucking hate speaking in public, goddamn it." a bitter and shaky laugh left your lips, your eyes becoming shiny.

You must've been out of your mind, you thought. How did you go from being a bitch then opening up and crying in the span of ten minutes? With Lee Minho of all people?

You were just about to wrap the conversation up and start trying to catch a taxi, but the cherry colored- hair man suddenly started to walk closer. You finally looked up, mainly in confusion, and saw just the shadow of a smile and kind eyes.

"'It's fine, y/n." he paused, "How are you getting home?'

You sniffled, blinking a few times, "I'm gonna catch the first cab that passes from here, I don't live that far but I can't be bothered to walk in the dark right now." he nodded in acknowledgement.

"My car is parked about two minutes from here" he pointed behind you, "If you allow me I'd like to offer you a ride." you stood there for a second, trying to rationalize the fact that your co-worker with whom you had beef until five minutes ago was offering you a ride. So you relied on humor, to lighten up the situations.

"I don't know, are you going to kill me?" he widened his eyes for a second, genuinely looking panicked for a second. He started to wave his hands around awkwardly.

"No, woah-" he spoke, "If you don't feel safe-" your small laugh instantly relaxed him, as he lowered his arms back down and giving you a side eye in the process.

"I'm sorry. But you can't honestly blame me, with everything going on in the world." you justified yourself, starting to walk to the spot he pointed out, "Just so you know, my mom and best friend have my location. Just in case."

"Ah, ah, ah." he faked a laugh as he followed behind you. The light of a grey, seemingly spotless and quite expensive looking, car blinked a couple of times.

Minho opened the passenger seat for you, then circled the car back to the driver's side.

--

The car ride was pretty much silent, and a light but definitely present layer of awkwardness filled the air. He asked for your address, put it on the navigator, then didn't speak again.

You joked about his car looking expensive and he snorted a laugh, nodding. "It did take a couple of years and a promotion to pay off, yes."

Then silence..again.

Thankfully the car ride was quite short, as you anticipated. Only made a couple of minutes longer by the traffic of the people getting off work. Late, like you two, you imagined.

He pulled up in front of your building, parking the car to let you get off.

You truly had no idea what came over you, but nonetheless you blurted out "Do you wanna come up for a drink?"

Minho's mouth went slighly agape, as he was so obviously trying to suppress a smile. His cocky aura making it actually hard to understand if he was about to mock you or seemed pleased.

"Oh?" and that made it so much worse, making you scramble for a response.

"I mean- it's not even nine pm, and tomorrow it's gonna be the end of a jurney of hard work." you justified, "I'm still gonna celebrate by myself, by the way. I was just offering." the last sentence being almost muffled, which actually made it funnier for him. You looked kinda cute.

"You know what, boss number two," your head snapped at those words, along with him turning off the car engine, "I think I may use a drink. I wouldn't have any at my place, anyway." he smirked.

You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile as well. You both got out of the car, and walked to the building's entrance as he locked it witht he distance key.

"And what do you have waiting at home, if not a glass of wine at the end of the day?" you joked as you entered the building. You started to walk up a set of stairs, so he just followed, a few steps behind.

"Three cats?" the humor in his voice actually made you turn your head to read his expression.

"Really?" you smiled. He nodded prudly, still following behind you.

"Oh yes. My pride and joy, if you will." you laughed, finally stopping on the second floor, in front of a white door.

"Wouldn't have made you out to be a cat's man" You unlocked it, turning on the light as you invited the redhead inside. He politely took off his shoes by the entrance, following your example, and bowed his head.

"Well, you don't really know me, if we're being honest."

"True." you nodded, a bit embarassed, "Please, give me your coat. It's warm here, I promise." you smiled. He thanked you, handing you the item.

He looked around while you went in another room. The apartment was definitely a nice one, even if not the largest. It looked cozy and quite artsy, but tastefully so. Lots of CDs, a couple of paintings, a nice tv, a leather couch. The living room had a balcony with a city view, and was connected to an open space kitchen.

"Please, make yourself comfortable. On the couch, at the table. Wherever you want." you came back with a pair of black light tracksuit pants, a nice loose shirt with some graphic design on it, and your hair down.

Minho couldn't help but, casually, notice how good those pants made your ass look. But he cleared his throath and opted for a seat at the table, before his gaze lingered too long.

"Thanks", he sat down comfortably, curiously looking at the kitchen furniture, "You have a really nice place"

You smiled politely, giving him a nod.

"Thank you, Minho. I actually didn't move here too long ago. About five months-ish?", you explained, "Alright, let's get back to business. I have a few things." he tilted his head to listen.

"I have two types of my personal favorite, red wine. Then some whiskey that wasn't even gifted to me to begin with," your tone was slightly off as you said it, but he didn't ask.

"Then I have some tequila, gin and... champagne. Yeah, that's it." he chuckled.

"Well, comparing to mine's, that's a small but respectable collection." he joked, "I'll just have some of that italian wine, thanks" he smiled, amused. You laughed a bit.

"It's all small bottles. I only really drink wine. I also use it for cooking. The rest is for nights with girlfriends. Don't picture me as an alcholic, please" you both laughed at you scrambling to justify yourself.

"If you say so, yn" he teased.

"Oh, c'mon!"

--

You didn't really remeber exactly how you ended up from sharing a glass of wine and cheering to your incoming job presentation, to eating leftovers, then moving to the couch. But you got there.

The difference is that after getting a bit too giggly and a little lightheaded, you both agreed to switch to water. Yeah, that's probably when you also decided to put something in your stomachs.

After all, he would've had to drive back home. And both of you couldn't afford a hangover when you had such an important day ahead and a flight at eight am.

It was now around eleven pm as you sobered up, just hanging out on your cream colored couch.

"So that's how my friend from sixth floor found out boss is cheating. Big time." he concluded, making you rolle your eyes dramatically as you took a sip of water.

"Of course he's fucking cheating on his wife. Of course" he raised a finger, leaning a bit forward.

"It's not only that he's cheating. He's cheating with the chief editor and a bunch of other emplyees too. Lost fucking cause" your mouth opened in shock, gasping.

"Nasty man! I just hope it's a bunch of immoral people and nothing more serious it's going on, at this point." you shook your head as he nodded in agreement.

"I know right? Of course it's mainly hushed office rumors, but at least a couple of those have to be true. My friend's girlfriends says there's eye witnesses." you smirked slightly, humored.

"Scandal" he snorted a laugh at your comment as he ate a piece of cake. A strawberry and whippe cream cake your best friends got you when you got the job.

"What about you," his eyes moved back to you, "Do you have anyone? Aside from your three fur babies, of course." he smirked a bit as he chewed on his bite, taking a couple of seconds to try and read your expression.

"No, no one." he answered, "I was actually married for about a year. Then the stupidity wore off." your eyes actually widened in surprise at his words.

"You were married? For a year? What happened?" your questions were quick and probably quite nosy, so you backtracked, "I'm sorry. If- I mean, if you feel like sharing. Of course."

"It's fine", he shook his head lightly, he moved a bit on the couch to get comfortable, "It sounds crazy but it was years ago. We were eighteen, and stupid. We were together for like, six months, and since she was having trouble with her parents and needed a place to live, I guess that my stupid-in-love mind decided that getting married and renting an apartment was the right call." he explained, not with any particular intonation. Maybe some humor, actually.

"It was an extremely quick decision too. Proposed, one day later we were legally married. But then we quickly understood that marriage wouldn't solve her problems, so while I just questioned myself over and over and scrambled to find work, she went out and cheated."

"Oh my gosh!" you exclaimed, covering your mouth with your hand. He nodded, with an ironic expression.

"Yeah. I actually never found out how long that went on. Hopefully less than our marriage. That'd be embarassing." you instinctively reached out, placing your hand on his knee. You regretted it immediately as soon as your eyes met though, so you retracted it, brushing it off.

"I'm really sorry. That's shitty. I know how it feels." the bitterness in your voice finally made Minho place the small pieces you had intentionally scattered in the conversation that eventing, making him put it together.

"You got cheated on too?" you cleared your throat, sighing slightly.

"Not that I would've imagined the conversation going there tonight but, yes. That's- well that's why I'm living by myself now. You know how it is, messy breakup, lots of tears, and then you move on."

"I'm sorry.", his voice was soft and sincere, "How have you been holding up? You're certainly killing it on the job, though." he smiled at you.

"Even if it makes you nervous." he added. You gave him a small grateful smile, but couldn't help to get a bit sad.

"Thanks. You know, I do love being by myself. The relationship had become stale for a while. I kind of saw it coming. But of course, after two years, it stung." you admitted, "Wasn't particularly kind to my self esteem. Leaving him with my half of rent to pay while being jobless was kind of paybay, not gonna lie." you raised an eyebrow, making him laugh.

"Deserved, honestly." you laughed instinctively a bit too, but your mood was definitevely affected a t least a little now. Minho wanted to comfort you, telling you that he didn't see anything that you should be insecure about. But he stopped himself, feeling like he would've overstepped some boundaries.

"I'm sure you're doing great. Parties with girlfriends, a whole place by yourself, killing it at work. It's gonna be okay." that was the most he allowed himself to say, but judging from the grateful look in your eyes, that was probably enough.

You blinked a couple of times, awkwardly catching yourself getting voulnerable for the second time that evening with a man that until a few hours prior was just a bit less than a stranger.

As you thought that, you actually remembered to take a look at the clock on your wall and saw that it was half past midnight. You got up instantly, slightly startling Minho.

"Shit, look at the hour. I will probably not sleep for a good while, but it may be late for you. With the drive and all. I'm sorry I kept you blabbering for hours." you released a small, nervous laugh as you picked up both of your leftover cake plates.

He nodded slightly, mostly at himself, getting up.

"I don't have very regular sleeping schedules. My cats tell me when it's bed time." he joked, making you smile. "But I think you're right. I definitely sobered up now, don't worry."

You nodded, eyes struggling to stray from his brown, shiny ones. You cleared your throat, catching yourself before you could make things more awkward.

"I'll get your coat, wait a sec" he silently followed your figure as you disappeared again, then, just as you did, he tried to get a grip and walked towards the entrance where he had left his shoes.

He slipped them on, slapping himself slightly on the cheek to get some composure back. Just after that you came back, smoothing out his coat.

"Let me help you" you spoke softly, without really asking. He turned his back to you without speaking, offering you one arm, then the other. He then shrugged his shoulders a bit to fit the coat properly on.

"Thanks" you nodded, acknowledging him silently. You proceeded to open the door, and turn on the stairs light on for him. He turned back to look at you, now just a few steps outside of the apartment.

"Your cheeks turned red.", he teased, "Did you warm up well?"

"Yes" your tone was a bit more serious than his, wondering if his question hid a deeper meaning behind it. Maybe what he was really asking was if you warmed up to him, after all.

He looked down, nodding. He then smiled warmly, looking up back at you.

"Good. Thanks for the drink, it was fun", he stated sincerely, "Make sure to rest well, goodnight yn"

But, as he was about to leave, he felt your hand reaching for his sleeve. He stopped, turning back to look at your hand, then fixing his gaze on you. Your eyes were looking at him so intensely, almost burning into his. He didn't speak. He waited.

"Would it be extremely unprofessional if I asked my co-worker to stay over?" your words were teasing, but your tone as well as your gaze didn't match them. That's what made him hesitate at first.

"Are you sure?"

You retracted your hand, letting go of his sleeve. A hint of insecurity hitting you. But not towards your desire, more towards yourself. Imagine if he said no and rejcted you.

"You can say no" he fully turned to face you, walking closer.

"I didn't say 'no'. I asked if you are sure. Are you?" his tone wasn't harsh at all, but it was serious. It's true, he didn't say no. And you also weren't really sure why, but you were sure you wanted him. So, just in case...

"Yes, I am. We're both free, consenting adults. Doesn't have to mean anything. Letting go some stress, you know." you shrugged, leaning against the doorframe, crossing your arms. Acting way more cocky than you were actually feeling. Truth be told, you were so horny you would've probably crawled if he asked you to.

Minho squinted his eyes a bit, studying your expression. But he saw right though you. He didn't know the extent of your confidence at that moment, but he could see that you wanted him like he wanted you.

"Right" he finally spoke, slowly walking closer and closer, instinctively making you backtrack inside, your eyes fixiated in his as if you were hypnotised.

"Just de-stressing a bit, I guess" he pushed the door shut lightly with his foot before reaching for your cheek with one hand and your waist with the other. Taking the hint, you crashed your lips with his.

The kiss didn't start slow, it was right away a messy, passionate one. Minho shrugged out of his coat, never leaving your lips for as much as he could.

"Wait- the coat-" you panted softly, but he shut you up quickly, pulling your even closer by grabbing at your lower back.

"Fuck the coat" he managed to answer, making you laugh faintly. Your lips separated as you stepped back enough to lead him to the bedroom. During the small walk, there was a pause, and neither of you talked.

You reached the bedroom, and slowly as you stood at the edge of the king size bed, you started to undress each other.

Starting from his tie, which was alrady loosened, then his shirt buttons coming undone one by one, then his belt. Minho didn't really move, nor rush you. He just held you by the waist, following closely your hands.

Being so lost in admiring his perfectly soft but muscular body, you kind of forgot that you were still completely covered. Not that you were exactly looking forward to getting naked and vulnerable at that moment in your life, but it was kind of require, as they say.

You stopped just before getting to the zipper of his elegant pants, his boner already forming a tent. You looked up at him, kind of questioning his stillness. But he was already looking at you, eyes lusty but comforting at the same time.

"Do whatever you want." he stated, taking one of your hands and encouraging it towards his pants, "Consider it a personal congratulations gift. Guide me." he continued, then squinted his eyes a bit, getting closer with his face to yours with a small smile.

"Unless you'd like me to?" that one sentence did so much damage to the least bit of self respect you were clinging to...so might as well.

You nodded slowly, you chest going up and down heavily, trembling a bit from the mix of excitement and, well, a bit of shame. The kind that will bring you pleasure though.

And he saw it. Again he saw right through you. Not that in the horny state you were at that moment you would've had much to hide anyway.

Minho chuckled, leaning in right next to your ear, whispering "Good girl", his lips starting to kiss your neck seductively, "Take my pants off for me, mmh?"

A moan escaped your mouth as your hands worked shakily with his zipper, then pushing the fabric down, revealing the expensive brand boxers he was wearing. And the hard on. Couldn't forget about that.

"So good for me. I'm going to undress you too, now. That's okay, right, honey?" his hands toyed with the hem of your t-shirt, waiting for consent, which arrived very quickly after.

"Yes, please" he cooed at that, proceeding to lift up your shirt and get it off you, leaving you in your simple, cotton bra. You didn't exactly dress up expecting this, but well.

"'Please'? You're so cute" he praised, continuing his works by pushing down your tracksuit pants. At that point, as drunk on lust and praise as you were, your insecurity couldn't help but hit as you were becoming aware of Minho's gaze.

That's why when he felt your hands squeeze his sidez a bit and get tense, he stopped, leaning back to check on you.

"What's wrong?" you gulped, throat suddenly feeling a bit dry.

"Nothing, it's- ...Don't stare too much. I don't know if I can handle it." your words were just above a whisper, but it made him a bit sad. He wasn't pitying you, he just felt sorry that your head wasn't allowing you to be as free as you wanted.

He understood. Of course he did. Everyone at least once, at some point, felt insecure about themselves. And while he truly think you shouldn't be, he wouldn't push it. He'd just make sure to make you feel good in the moment, like you deserved.

He brushed it off, shifting the mood to a lighter one. He nodded as he went back to touch your body up and down, his lips back to your neck.

"Alright, but- " he paused, his hands coming up to cup your breasts, squeezing them, eliciting a sigh from you. "On the condition that you'll let me suck on these later" he smirked, winking at you. You blushed even more, huffing out a laugh. Your head was clear again, so you decided to have fun with it.

"But now-" you gave him a little push, making him land on the bed, then straddling him. "There are a few things I want." he smirked, amused.

"Seems like it's gonna be a little of a game after all." he teased making you smile seductively.

"We'll see. Now stay still like a good boy." Minho's hand on got even harder, if possible. at your words. He wasn't used to be a sub at all, but that 'good boy' kinda...intrigued him.

At that point you got off of him, kneeling down beside him. You pinched the hems of his tight boxers and pulled them down, letting his cock sprung free, standing up mid-air from his abs. You pushed the fabric down enough for Minho to discard it, which he did.

He was half up, standing on his elbows, to not miss the view. And what a view.

You had started to stroke his cock slowly, with both hands, doing a sort of up and down gesture mixed with some twisting, that was sending him directly to heaven. But he was way too turned on already, he was afraid that at the minimum touch he would cum, so he regrettably stopped you, and instead switched positions, dragging you under him as he hovered above you.

"I'm sorry, princess, I'm not gonna last if I let you play too much" he explained with a sigh.

"You though...let's see if my sweet girl is ready for me" he continued, with mischief in his voice. His hands invited you gently to part your legs, and you complied easily. Your need to be touched almost unbearable now.

Minho shimmied down on his stomach, directly face level with your, still clothed, pussy. He raised his index, teasing your mound then your slit, which was clearly indicated by the wet patch on the grey cotton panties. You hissed and squirmed, desperate for him to touch you properly.

"Oh wow, look at my sweet girl, looking so wet already." he cooed as he started to kiss the inner of your thigh. "Should we check properly, mh?" all he needed was a desperate yes from you, to quickly act and slip down your legs the panties, discarding them somewhere.

"Oh my godness...look at this sweet, shiny, pussy. So cute. Is it all for me?" he asked cutely. You moaned instinctively and nodded quickly.

"Yes, all for you. Please Minho, I need it" you whined, trying to rub your thighs together for some relief, but his hands promptly kept them open.

"Tsk, tsk, kitten. Now be good for me. I promise I'll give you what you want." and with that he started out giving a fat, tongue flat, lick from your ass, then your pussy, and reaching the clit. The deep moan that exited from you would've almost been embarassing, if only Minho's actions with his tongue didn't distract you again right away.

He had started to kiss right where your whole was messily, occasionally trying to poke in the tip of tongue to try and gather as much of your arousal as possible. You were a whining, moaning mess, but you knew exactly that as soon as he'd actually start giving attention to your clit, you were done for.

Which is exactly what happened a few minutes later. When he was satisfied enough that you were absolutely drenched all over, his mouth and chin included, he moved a bit north, starting right away to skillfully suck and toy with your clit.

The sensation was so intense and you were already so sensitive that the contact made you prop yourself up a bit, but Minho promptly placed one of his strong, veiny hands on your stomach and pushed you back down, which you allowed yourself to go right away. But his hand was still there, so you took the opportunity to intertwine your fingers with his.

"Fuck, oh my God- Minho, please...please" you were incoherent, but he knew very well what you wanted and he was determined to give it to you good. That's when you felt first his index, then index and pointer fingers enter you swiftly. No resistance at all. You were so wet that you barely felt them, until he started to move them just right, stimulating your walls.

The gradually added movements and speed of both his fingers in your cunt and his mouth on your clit had your stomach tightening so quickly, and then you came. You came for like a whole minute, and then some. It was actually crazy how intense and how prolonged minho had managed to make your orgasm. No doubt the best head you've ever recieved.

He gradually slowed down, until only his fingers remained to play with your slick as you came down from your crazy high. Minho had leaned his cheek against your warm, kids shaky, thigh while he watched you with a satisfied smirk.

"Are you okay, kitten? You have no idea how cute you sounded as you came on my mouth and fingers, purring and whining like a sweet kitten." you looked back at him with hazy eyes, as you made grabby hands. He chuckled and removed his fingers from your pussy, placing them immediately on his own cock, starting to stroke himself up and down.

You pulled him close, over you, pushing down on his shoulders with your arms. Your legs closing around his hips, immediately trying to grind on something.

He moaned in the kiss, "Such a horny baby that doesn't even need a minute after she just came" he teased you but you didn't cared, you whined and pulled him closer to keep the sloppy kiss going.

"Need you, mh- please, get- get 'nside 'o me" your words slurred but he understood you anyway. He parted from your lips, panting.

"Baby girl, w-", he swallowed trying to speak coherently, "You have protection?"

You nodded, pointing to the drawer of the nightstand. He moved a bit to reach into the drawer, fishing out a condom. But not before taking a peek at your cute, little, clit sucker toy.

He bit back a smile as he sat back on the heels of his feet to unwrap the condom and slide it carefully on his painfully hard dick.

"Usually it's rabbit toys" he teased, making you laugh faintly.

"I can't come with penetration only" you shrugged, which made your tits jiggle in your bra. Suddenly hypnotizing Minho, which had a promise to respect, he remebered.

He smirked, then properly got back between your legs, and just as you were about to pull him in for a kiss, he retracted with an eyebrow raised.

"First, this is gonna come off" his hands slid down the strips of the bra down your shoulders, then he reached behind your back to untie it completely. He sighed when finally he could throw the piece of fabric away, and enjoy the heavenly sight of your tits. Which, with his outmost disappointment, you rushed to cover with your hands.

"Hey, you promised!" he scolded you, "Plus, I already ate you out, what damage are a pair of tits gonna do now? None." he answered his own question, at which point you gave up and moved your hands back on his strong shoulders. He gasped, in awe.

"Ah, here they are..." he bent down, immediately attaching his mouth to one of the nipples, making you moan.

"So soft, round, so sweet..." he cooed as he grabbed them, squeezed them, kissed, licked and soft-bit them. Your hands were now intertwined in his cherry red hair.

"Minho, baby-" you both noticed how you slipped with the petname, but you brushed it off "Please, I need you. Need you inside me so bad, please.." he heard your plea and nodded, giving a break to your breasts just enough to position himself with your entrance, and then slowly but steadily he entered you.

It felt like one long stroke, until he filled you to the brim, his tip hitting the back of your walls, making you both moan. He stayed still for a couple of seconds, propping himself up with his forearms by the side of your head.

"Oh- hng, fuck. You feel s-so good. C-can I-?" you nodded frantically, moving your hips to meet his, making him hiss.

With that, he started moving, back and forth, at a normal speed, without ever exiting completely, instead focusing on stroking your g spot each and every time, driving you absolutely insane.

"Ah, fuck M-min...please go faster, please, please" he whispered praises and reassurance in your ear as he complied, his hips starting to go faster and faster. He kept going until he started to feel you tense up, and you croaked out "M close..s-so close, please"

At that point he moved his dominant hand from your side and slipped it between your bodies, circling your clit with two fingers to help you get there.

You gasped at his action, tightening the grip your thighs had on his hips a bit and arching your back, feeling your orgasm so, so close.

And it only took a couple more strokes for you to cum.

"Ah! Fuck, I'm- I'm coming, Minho", while your orgasm was happening, he felt your walls tighten around him, which made him frown in fatigue. "I- I know, sweet, come for me" he managed to say as he was still punding into you, but his pace was faltering.

This time it was your turn to help him get there, so you grinded on him, helping movement and friction, while also tugging a bit at his hair, which you noticed he seemed to like. And as expected, he groaned, then moaned, finally stilling as he came inside the condom.

His arms were trembling a bit, and he looked absolutely fucked, so you just pulled him to lay on your chest and rest. His head on your breasts. Both trying to calm down your breaths.

You were in silence for a little while, but then Minho pulled himself up and carefully got up from the bed, going straight to the private bathroom in the bedroom.

It kind of hit you at that moment, that this was not normality. This was a one night stand with a co-worker. So you also got up, quickly picking up your discarded clothes. Putting Minho's on the edge of the bed, while you exited the bedroom to go wash up in the other bathroom.

It didn't take long, as you decided that you would've taken a full proper shower tomorrow before leaving. Right. The flight. The speech. It all came back hitting you with a force, hitting you back with reality.

But reality was still in your bedroom, too. So you dressed back up, freshened up and quickly went back.

Minho was in his boxers, busy buttoning up his work shirt. His gaze landed on you as you appread on the doorstep. He gave a quick smile, then looked back down. And your heart kind of broke at that.

Was he also embarassed, or did he regret it already? And what were you feeling?

Everything was contradicting in your head right now, so you recomposed yourself enough to think clearly. It was now two am in the morning.

"Please, spend the night here. Then you can drive home tomorrow morning. It's so late now, I'm sure you're tired." it sounded so fake, so foreign to go back to being polite while just ten minutes prior you were tangled up in bed horny like animals.

"Yeah, okay. I'll be on the couch." he said as he also slipped his pants back on. You looked at him confused.

"The couch? But, the bed is big enough-" he interrupted you, picking up his tie.

"The couch will be fine. I just-", he sighed, "I need this, okay?" he pleaded silently. So you just nodded, keeping your head down.

"Please take anything you need. Good night, Minho" you spoke softly. He just breathed a "yeah" then closed behind him the door to your bedroom.

--

That night you didn't hear a single sound coming from the living room. It was just you, your overthinking, and the uncomfortable knowledge that a person that you have very quickly come to care about is sleeping seprately from you. On the couch.

You got him. You were confused too. But it still heavied on your heart. Until finally, you fell asleep from exhaustion without realizing it.

--

The morning after you woke up startled by your alarm. You checked the hour: six thirty am. Yeah, you definitely needed to get up. Those five more minutes will have to wait another time.

Then it hit you. You remebered what happened the night before. You remebered it all, perfectly.

The way you asked Minho not to go. The way he made you feel so good, both physically and mentally, for the first time in a while. Then you remembered how cold things ended up, too.

You got out of bed quickly, praying that he was still here, to at least make sure that everything was okay with you two.

But as you opened your bedroom door and walked out of the corridor, into the open space living room, no one was there.

The only thing out of place was the, usually discarded carelessly, now neatly folded blanket on the couch.

For some reason you felt like crying. What was wrong with you!

It was you, after all, that asked him to have sex and reassured that it wouldn't have meant anything. "Just stress relief", you said. He agreed. You both consented. You didn't regret it. So why did your stomach hurt?

--

At seven thirty pm sharp you were already on a taxi on your way to the airport.

You showered, got presentable enough, checked to have all your files, then picked up your small suitcase and you were ready to go. You would've had all the time to get 'professionally' ready when you got to the hotel. Which was also the place where the convention was gonna be held at, so even less stress.

When you arrived at the pre-established entrance number of the airport, you saw the team standing outside, chatting and some smoking.

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to act like everything was normal. But nothing was normal about you getting on a stage to talk live in front of million dollar companies. And nothing has been normal for you after the night before.

As soon as the team saw you walking over, they started to cheer and shout out embarassing stuff to tease you. You laughed, but gestured for them to shut up.

Everyone picked up their cases to fo inside, and that's when you noticed Minho. Of course he was there. It was his job, too. But while you were instantly named 'leader', mainly because of a joke and the other's laziness, he remained at the back, minding his business. So you did the same, for now.

Once you got through all documents, tickets and baggage checks, you entered the waiting area at your assigned gate and could relax for a while before they started calling in passengers. You and the team did not go first, but almost.

Your boss had been gracious enough to put you seven in business class, so you would be the second type of passengers to board the plane.

And with a rather quickly queue, that's exactly what you did. In less than an hour you were ready to take off. You had almost secretly hoped that your seatmate would be Minho, but of course it wasn't. It was an older co-worker, around his fifties. You made some small talk at first, but then you put on your headphones and focused on reharsing your speech and the slides.

--

The flight was on time, two hours later, you were back on land. You were kind of disappointed with youself, because at some point, Henry saying it was about half an hour in, you fell asleep.

But at the same time, you did have a very short and shit sleep last night so, better rest now than be sleepy later.

When you walked out at arrivals you saw a man in suit and tie holding up a sign with your company's name of it, so you approached him.

"Good morning, miss. Are you the seven people I have to take to this address?" he asked, showing you the paper. You nodded.

"Yep, it's us." you turned and gestured with your hand to follow you.

With some surprise, you found a mini van waiting outside, with nine seats including the driver's. Minho went on first, as far back as possible, and you went on last, next to the driver's seat.

The hotel wasn't that far, only fifteen minutes, so you got there pretty quickly. When you entered the reception, it was a bit crowded, of course with the amount of hosts that were there for the convention.

Yet again, you waited in line, then provided documents and the staff gave each of you a card key to your rooms. For organization purposes you were put all on the same floor, with rooms near to each other.

You just nodded in understanding and politely declined the invitation to have lunch out that some co-workers offere, opting to remain in your room, practice and maybe rest some more.

You didn't need distractions in that moment. But not everyone was on board with the plan, so you and another two people, oneof which was Lee Minho, went straight to the elevators.

You were grateful for Amanda, the senior of the team, that made small talk abou the appearence of the hotel. She was talking mostly to herself, even though she thought she was talking to you and Minho.

Thankfully in a couple of minutes, everyone went their separate ways and rooms. You sighed, relieved when you were finally alone again. This 'ignoring' situation was ridiculus, you were adults for fuck's sake. And yet neither of you approached the one for now, so you were both fools.

'This is getting fixed, tonight', you thought. The gala would've started at about seven pm, so hopefully by ten pm you were gonna be done. No matter what, you promised to yourself that you would've had a grown, mature conversation. But later.

Now you just preoccupied yourself with ordering lunch and, once again, going over your files. For the last time, thank god.

--

Five fifty pm. You were ready. Kind of.

Make up, done. Hair, done. Clothes, done. Papers, done. Purse? Ready. Your brain? Not ready.

You were honestly just trying not to sweat literal cold now and not cause yourself a stomach ache. Your only salvation at that point would've been distraction.

You remembered how fucking nervous you were at every single graduation in your life. High school, degree. Hell, even middle school. Being on the spotlight for anything always made you so extremely uncomfortable and sick.

It was only as you grew older that you understood that really, the only secret to get through this type of stuff is just fakin' it til you make it. No other way around it. If you deluded yourself into thinking that you had your shit together, so would others.

So that's when you decided to just go downstairs, a bit early just to hang out. Maybe have a drink or two. You weren't the only one who would've had to speak publicly that evening, so who knows, maybe you'd find your trauma twin.

You picked up your phone, purse, papers, then you were out of the door. Just as you almost made your way down the corridor, nearing the elevators, one of your heels got stuck on a bump in the moquette.

You gasped, saving yourself by planting your hands on the wall at your left for support. But that meant that now your papers and purse were on the ground. Messy. Great. Always better than a twisted ankle, you thought.

You bent down, trying to pick up the scattered papers in order, when you suddenly heard a voice.

"Everything okay?"

"Shit!", you clutched the paper to the chest, scared. You looked behind you, but aside from the scare, you recognized the voice immediately. Of course you did.

"Yes, just tripped. Thank you." Your tone was cool as you addressed Minho, going right back to stacking your stuff in your hands.

"Wait, let me help" without thinking, he joined you, starting to pick up the files as well. In perfect order, too. Of course your second in command would know the presentation by memory as well.

"I got it." You so much spared him a glance as you got back on your feet, snatching back the paper. He stood back up, too. Hands in his elegant pants pockets. Awkward.

"Are you ready?" he asked, his voice so casual and polite it actually made you mad. You crossed your arms, a little awkwardly as your hands were busy.

"Oh, so now you're talking to me?" Minho frowned. Mirroring your pose, closing off.

"What? You think it would've been appropriate to air out personal business while sitting in a car with five other people? Co-workers?" he snapped back.

"No one said anything about drinking and hooking up, a normal "good morning" would've been enough" you rolled your eyes.

"Well it's not like you attempted it either, yn"

"Ah, yes because I surely felt welcomed with open arms after you-"

"Hey guys! Wait for me!" You and Minho both turned your heads toward the young woman speeding up her walk. She was the youngest in the team. Niece of the boss, nonetheless.

You both took a step back from each other instinctively. You offered a fake smile and wave as the red haired man pushed the button for the elevators.

"Ah, thank you! It's a bit late, but at least I won't be showing up alone" she laughed. You widened your eyes, scrambling to fish the phone out of your purse.

"What do you mean 'it's late' !?" The clock showed six pm and five minutes. You frowned, but before you could speak, Minho did it for you.

"It's not late, stop panicking her. They opened the conference room at six. They're gonna start at six thirty. It's fine." the young girl seemed a bit intimidated by the stern tone used by the man, but the just shrugged.

"Oh well, I may have read the invitation wrong. Same thing." you took a deep sigh, taking a moment to calm not and not choke her on the spot.

"Better this way." you offered the same brief fake smile.

Finally the damn elevator doors opened, so you stepped inside and once again Minho pushed the first floor button. It could've been a silent couple of minutes, but of course they younger girl just could not resist.

"Did you learn everything well?" Oh wow.

"I have spent weeks researching and editing this stuff, I didn't only 'learn' it like a school poem." the annoyance in your voice really couldn't be hidden anymore, so good thing the elevator doors opened back up.

This time Minho took it upon himself to lighting place his hand on your back to lead you outside.

"Everything is ready, see you inside" he exclaimed back. So much for not acting suspicious, you thought.

You stopped a few meters away, stepping to the side away from his hand.

"Is everyone trying to get on my nerves specifically tonight, or" your voice dripped sarcasm, making the man roll his eyes.

"Yeah, right. You got enough on your plate right now, I know. That's why I tried to be civil" he didn't let you have the chance to bite back, as he kept going " In any case, I'm gonna leave you alone now. Go get a drink. A light one. Relax, you'll do great. Later, we can talk. In private."

"Yeah, okay, whatever. Let me actually distract myself now, or I'll end up starting to argue at the stand instead of explaining my speech." with that, you forced yourself to walk away.

--

At exactly six thirty the conference started. You were seated with your team, of course. Everyone around this large, round table.

So cute, like king Arthur and his knights. And you were king Arthur in that moment. And hell, you would've better extracted that sword perfectly at first try.

Your turn didn't came until about an hour and a half later, after the welcoming speech, a couple of virtual messages from rich people who were too busy to be there in person, and a bunch of other companies' expositors.

"Please, give a round of applause for the next representative." the announcer spoke into the mic as he read from a folder, listing your company's name, the CEO, a few words of introduction, then finally your name.

The public applauded politely as you walked on stage with a smile, as carefully as you could. Couldn't have attempted twisted ankle number two at that moment.

"Thank you. Good evening. Tonight I am here to represent our," you extended your arms toward your team's table, " - company's project. I was honored with the duty of exposing the project to you. Hopefully it was the right call!" the crowd laughed and smiled.

You focused on explaining the idea, from the first draft, to research, then one by one describing and arguing the slides. Finally citing sources and closing your speech with some polite greetings.

The crowd once again clapped as you gracefully made your way down the stage. The presenter moved on, and a big sigh of relief left your mouth.

Your team looked at you with smiles, congratulating you as you went back to the table.

--

The whole official thing actually wrapped up around eight, not nine pm as you expected. Dinner was served and then a more casual after party was held. Not an actual party, more like a jazz music ambience with drinks, made for conversation.

And you did engage in some conversation, mainly with strangers and people from other companies. Some more job related topics, some about the event itself, others just very small talk.

By ten pm you were absolutely ready to ditch the whole thing and go to bed. You did it, it's over, it went well and the world didn't fell. So yeah, you called it a day. With everyone else, at least. But you still had some unfinished business with a person in particular.

Minho not so secretly followed you with his gaze all evening. He was so glad that the presentation went smoothly and it was over. He was also very proud of you. While your... relationship had been very short by then, he worked with you enough to know that you put your whole efforts into this project, and it paid off.

He was keeping his eye on you, but you were keeping yours on him as well. And both of you noticed. To be honest, the intention wasn't even to hide it.

You never interacted once. He just congratulated you along with everyone else, then that was it.

As he had been doing all night, he followed you with his eyes as you made your way out of the conference room. He waited a couple of seconds, then nonchalantly ditched his half consumed drink and followed you. As he expected, he found you waiting for him.

"Fancy seeing you here" he teased. He may have not acted like it, but he was actually quite nervous.

"Yeah, right" you replied with the slightest hint of humor, " I know there is a pool outside. It's closed now but you can still access it through the garden."

The man nodded in acknowledgedment, silently following at a moderately short distance, behind you.

Neither spoke a word until you were outside, the pool sides and the small garden dimly lit with warm lights. You sat on the sunbeds, next to each other. It was actually pretty cold, but you didn't seem to care at that point. At least there was no one else there, as you hoped.

"So..." he started, mostly to break the ice. And like that, as if you were waiting for a clue, you blurted out "Do you regret it?"

Minho stared at you for a second, slightly confused.

"What makes you think that?"

"Just answer. And be honest. I can take it, you know." your rubber your shoulder, both from the cold as well as the nervousness.

"I know you can." , he stated, serious "No. I didn't. Did you? Is that why you're asking?"

Your gaze finally found his again, the annoyance giving you some courage.

"No, I didn't. It was my idea, remember?", you paused, " I'm asking because you were cold last night. You know, after." just like that, eye contact was out of the window again.

"What? If anything it was you who disappeared without saying a word." he retorted. You raised an eyebrow.

"I went to clean up. You went to the bathroom so I thought you wanted some space."

"I was going to help you clean up. Not even the time to come back with a towel that you already left. At that point I thought, 'ah nice, the stress relief is over, better go back home' ", he air quoted with his fingers, "What was I supposed to think? Those were your intentions after all."

You couldn't really debate that. That's exactly what you said. It was crazy, you didn't even really know each other. If you weren't co-workers you wouldn't have seen each other again, ever. And that was probably the biggest mistake.

You knew the risk of getting personal life involved with the workplace. But then again you only wanted a night of meaningless sex. Why even make this fuss? Yet, there must be something. Otherwise you wouldn't bother having this conversation.

"Might be. All I know is that I literally asked you to stay, I offered you a place in my bed. Without any second meaning." you specified, "And instead you shut me down and went to sleep on the fucking couch. Left without a note or anything." you tilted your head to the side.

"I have already explained my reasons.", he replied, "Honestly what I get from this is that we're both pretty bad at communication." you stared at each other for a moment, and then, out of the blue, stifled laughs.

"Why are we arguing like an actual couple?" you asked, genuinely confused and weirdly amused by the situation. He shook his head, as clueless as you were.

"I have no idea."

Silence fell between you two for some time. Until you leaned back, propping yourself up with your hands on the sunbed.

"So what now?"

"What now?" he repeated.

"Do we pretend like this never happened?" yours was a genuine question, no second meaning or pressure behind it. He shrugged.

"Do you want to?"

"Do you?" he rolled his eyes, a light smirk on his face. You were just parroting each other at this point.

"I mean, I enjoyed myself. Don't know about the future, but that's a quite nice memory to keep, at the very least." he replied honestly, sneaking you a look, "Did you enjoy it?"

The question and the eye contact combined making you you blush. You nodded, acting more nonchalant than you were actually feeling. But you couldn't hide the but of mischief in your eyes at the thought.

Minho licked his lips, biting back a smile. Then nodded to himself.

"Right. Well, I say we see what happens. One thing we can agree on, though, is whatever, - if- anything happens, it stays out of the office" he waited for your response.

"Okay", you said, "Let's see what happens on Monday, then." you exchanged a smile.

Yeah, who knows, what will happen on Monday?

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Y'all are gonna hate me for that finale🤣 but I warned you!!

That's it from me, hope you enjoyed and if you did, feel free to leave a feedback :')

Bye<3

[actual-changeling]

Welcome back to Alex's unhinged meta corner - although today it is less unhinged and more of a watertight analysis.

What I am about to present you is something most people have probably already noticed, but it has been three months and I still lose my mind while going through the final fifteen frame by frame (which is a normal thing normal people like us do, right? right).

You literally cannot convince me my following meta is wrong, and the only person whose criticism I will accept on this post is Michael Sheen and Michael Sheen ONLY. If you're not Michael Sheen (hi Michael Sheen who probably has a secret tumblr account) then your guess is as good as mine, though again, I think mine is solid.

So.

We all love and hate Aziraphale's "I forgive you", but what I find even more painful is the fact that before that he almost said "I love you". Then he stops himself and changes it, and the amount of micro-expressions on his face as he makes that decision is my current cause of death.

Here's the clip as evidence #1, and while it can definitely support itself, let's dive into the pain a little more, shall we?

One important thing I noticed is that Aziraphale doesn't look at Crowley while he stutters his way through his initial reaction. He blinks up at him for a few frames before averting his eyes again and only holds eye contact after the almost-confession (from here on referred to as IL-).

This is Aziraphale holding eye contact with Crowley (left) vs. him looking away (right):

The frame on the left is from the I forgive you (IFY) part of the scene, the other one from right before IL-. If we go through the above clip little by little we will find that he avoids Crowley's face the entire time and his gaze slips further and further down, which I interpret as him overthinking/trying to come up with something to respond to this entire situation.

He is overwhelmed and surprised, caught between his two main desires: Crowley and being a Good Angel.

Combing through the frames, we can actually nail down exactly when Aziraphale first makes eye contact before the IL- and when he stops. Keep the above comparison in mind! The angle is slightly different because his chin is lower and he straightens up throughout the scene.

So! This is where he starts looking at Crowley:

And this is where he stops:

Hard to see? Let's zoom in on his eyes (numbers are the file names):

Now, you might ask me "Alex, this is all fine, although a bit insane, but why is any of this important?"

Because, fellow tumblr user and good omens enthusiast, I think that looking at Crowley is what changes his mind about what to say.

He doesn't look at him -> about to confess his feelings.

He looks at him -> says the absolutely worst possible thing.

Partly to hurt him because they're both lashing out at each other during this argument, but he looks at Crowley, looks at the person that just kissed him, that told him they could have been an us, that wants him and has always wanted him, screw everyone else.

He looks at Crowley and he wants to say l love you but then what? Once he says those words, he can't leave. He just can't.

We have to remember that they have existed within a complicated dance, a game that they have been playing for centuries without ever telling each other what that game actually is, what the rules are - because they couldn't. It was based entirely on trust and knowing the other person well enough to play it safe.

Crowley just flipped the playing board. Nothing is the way it should be, he is refusing to do their dance, refusing to play. He is looking at him and daring him to stop trying to put the pieces back on the board. The only thing neither of them has done yet is actually say I love you out loud.

Saying those words would mean stepping away from the playing board and acknowledging the room they have been playing in. It would mean saying fuck you to heaven, yes, but it would also force Aziraphale to finally define himself outside of the role he has been playing for both Crowley and heaven, and he isn't ready for that yet.

Additionally, there is the fear and/or knowledge (depending on what else the Metatron might have said or done that we did not see) that heaven will retaliate against him and Crowley if he disobeys them now, and he does not want to risk that either.

All that is what, in my opinion, happens in his head when he averts his eyes and interrupts himself. I do kinda what to make a whole different post about his facial expressions leading up to the IFY, so I will end this one with one more bit of pain.

Ready?

Firstly, the face he makes when he makes his decision.

Look at the tight line of his lips, the pain etched into his face, the pure pain in his eyes.

This is the face of someone who knows exactly how badly he is going to hurt Crowley and himself. This is an apology, an I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, this hurts me as much as it hurts you. I'm sorry but I have to.

And then he winces afterwards. I don't know about you, but this is exactly the kind of face I make when I'm emotionally torturing myself with my own thoughts. For the final blow, please look at the picture very, very closely, especially the last frame, because Aziraphale isn't just sorry and he isn't just in pain.

Aziraphale is scared because he knows* that he might lose Crowley over this. He knows that saying I forgive you is (almost) unforgivable. He KNOWS.

He does it anyway because he will lose Crowley either way but he'd rather have him alive and hating him than dead.

With that I am concluding today's unhinged meta corner, thank you for your attention and you're welcome for the pain.

Also: If you want to call me a 'tin hatter' or insane or otherwise make fun of me - this is very much a girl, what were YOU doing at the devil's sacrament moment because you read my meta post all the way to the end. <3

-

*authors note: what Aziraphale thinks he knows and what is actually real is not the same thing but that's a different post

[osaemu]

・𖠗 EMAILS I CAN'T SEND EVENT !

with songs featuring gojo, geto, dazai, chuuya, and childe !

BEFORE YOU LISTEN . . .

careful, there's gonna be some pretty mature themes headin' in . . . sex, cheating, overthinking, y'know, the usual. it's hard being hot !

WHAT'S THE ALBUM ABOUT ?

well, i heard some guys from jujutsu kaisen, bungo stray dogs, and genshin impact are involved in the drama, maybe you know them !

TRACK 9: NONSENSE "baby i'm in too deep, here's a lil' song i wrote, it's about you and me"

꒰ pop star!reader x secret lover!gojo

being a pop star is tough, and maintaining a relationship alongside it is even harder. good thing you have a boyfriend to share the nights with, but what happens when those night-time specials start seeping into your daytime routine?

TRACK 10: FAST TIMES "tiptoeing past so many stages, but what the fuck is patience?"

꒰ coworkers with benefits ft. pm boss!chuuya

being a mafia boss is hard, and the stress that comes with it could kill. so, your boss's solution is to take it out on his pretty little secretary — you. one thing leads to another, and soon it becomes a regular thing. it's okay, it's not like he's gonna fuck you during work hours, right?

TRACK 11: SKINNY DIPPING "if we could take it all off and just exist, and skinny dip in water under the bridge"

꒰ break up –> make up ft. criminal!geto

when you found out he wasn't who he said he was, you dumped him on the spot, and after that you didn't see him for nineteen days. so what happens on the twentieth day when you run into him at your local coffee shop, and how did it end with his dick in your mouth?

TRACK 13: DECODE "you're good at impersonating someone who cares, and you had me for a minute there"

꒰ actor!reader x actor!dazai

your co-star is known for his acting prowess, and maybe he's just a little too good, because even when the lights are down and no cameras in sight, you can never seem to figure out if he means what he says. even when he's drunk in your sheets, every word seems carefully calculated to get something out of you — who knows what he wants?

TRACK 15: FEATHER "your signals are mixed, you act like a bitch, you fit every stereotype, send a pic"

꒰ it girl!reader x fuckboy!gojo

you're everything, and he's just another fuckboy. but even though he's the biggest dickhead you've ever met, you can't deny that he's very, very attractive. so what happens when you have one too many drinks and end up moaning his name all night long?

TRACK 16: LONESOME "did you think about her face with your hands around my waist? did you even give a fuck?"

꒰ exes with benefits ft. fuckboy!childe

you probably shouldn't still sleep with the boy who ruined your life, but hey, he's the only one who knows how to fuck you just right. even if he made you cry for a week straight, you'd rather be crying out his name than wallowing in self-pity at home. and it's not like you're gonna get back together with him, are you?

TRACK 17: THINGS I WISH YOU SAID "i saw you met somebody and i'm jealous as hell, that i can't even stomach loving somebody else"

꒰ cheating ft. ex boyfriend!dazai

maybe it's wrong to cheat on your current boyfriend with your ex, but you never moved on and apparently, neither did he. and shit, he's just as skillful with his words as ever, so just one night wouldn't hurt, right?

SO, WHEN CAN I HEAR THE STORIES ?

well, hannah'll tell you whenever she feels like it, but who knows what order she's whisper them to you in ? it'll be a surprise ~

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN THE STORY'S OUT ?

there's no taglist or anythin', but you can check back here to see if anything's leaked yet ! ++ maybe follow hannah and her tag, 'cause she said she'll post updates there . . . #✧ — emails i can't send

have fun listening! reblogs very appreciated xoxo –> signed, hannah

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Cos' sometimes sleep isn't enough anymore | Inner Demons

⟫ Alphabet Challenge, C - Cos' sometimes sleep isn't enough anymore

Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader

I guess I'm on a roll tonight? 3 parts posted so far, I'm not even sure how many parts this will end up with but, um, yeah, i hope you like this one and it's not to heavy to read.

Absolutely none of it's proof-read so yet again it could seem jumbled up or not even make sense but umm I can't sleep and my brain is overthinking at 4 am so this is the result of it :)

Thanks for all the continuous love and support on this so far!

Waking up in hospital, you think over your thoughts about what happened and wonder if you really did mean to do it?

tw: heavy angst, talks of SH, MH, suicide and death.

Bright lights and slow repetive beeps followed by the sterile smell of a hospital enrivoment.

That's how you knew it was bad when you woke up.

You really hadn't mean for it to get to that point though, you made the mistake of cutting deeper than you should have and now you have landed yourself in the hospital.

This was definitely not your smartest move you had pulled.

Something tells you it wouldn't be so easy to hide your pain behind a fake smile now.

You felt the wet tears covering your own hand along with the heavy weight of another body practically leaning on you.

"Geez, did somebody die in here or something?" Was the first words you spoke since you had fallen unconcious and of course, it was with your usual cocky teenage atttiude.

Dark humour has always been your go to, you hate to show any type of vulnerability.

"Y/N/N" Leah voice croaks in surprise as she sits bolt up right to look straight at you. "You're awake, finally!" she immediately breaks down into sobs again as she reaches towards you and wraps her arms around you.

"Yeah, I'm awake but there's no need to cry about it" You struck back with the same cocky atittude, that drove your team mates crazy but loved you never the less. "Seriously though, did someone die? Cos' you're crying that much right now that I'm begining to think so" you note, hiding your own pain behind the smile.

Just keep smiling, nobody will ask questions.

Everyone will think you're fine.

"Seriously, Y/N?" Leah is quick to smack you around the back of the head as she's now giving you one of her famous glares, one that you knew all too well. "You scared me to death, you little shit!" she admits, showing her vunerability.

"Ow. Ow-- Hey, you can't hit me, I'm fragile right now" You can't help but pout and hope for sympathy from the older blonde girl.

"Fragile, huh? You seem fine enough to be making jokes" Leah remarks as she continues to glare at you.

"Come on, you know that dark humour is the way to go sometimes Le" You grin at the blonde, who doesn't seem to have the same idea.

See? Totally easy to hide your pain.

Leah just stares at you in disbelief you're really cracking jokes right now, "You're unbelieve sometimes, Y/F/N" she mutters aloud.

"Uh oh, your using my full name, am I in trouble now?" You can't help to continue with your cocky, I don't give a shit attitude never the less you had worried all of your team mates like you did.

"Right now I'm just glad that you're alive," Leah admits as she rewraps her arms around you and squeezes you gently. "But if you ever scare me like that again then we'll be having a very different conversation!" she tells you, sternly.

"Okay" You wince slightly as the tightness of the hug that the blonde was very reluctant to let go off you. "Seriously, Le. I'm fine now, why are you still crying so much?" You ask, confused.

"I'm crying because I... I thought I had really lost you this time" Leah speaks her thoughts aloud as she still holds onto you like you would disappear all over again. "When I found you, like the... like the way I did, I thought you was going to die" she adds in, quietly.

Your own amused smile starts to falter as you glance down at the bandages wrapped around your arm. "I'm sorry... I am really sorry for scaring you like that" You apologise quietly, starting to realise the seriousness of it all.

You must've had all of your team mates so worried and right now you were only acting like a total jackass about it.

"I was so scared" Leah replies as she pulls away from hugging you before she readjusts to move onto the bed beside you. "There was so much blood, Y/N/N. I... I thought when we arrived at the hospital, it would be too late and I'd be saying goodbye to you instead" she explains, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat.

Shit, why did I go and do that? I've made Leah almost have a nervous break down.

How could you be so selfish? You didn't deserve the love you recieved from your team mate.

"I bet the bathrooms' a right bloody mess now then" You can't help the comment that slips out of your mouth.

Once again, dark humour is a key to hiding the reality of pain.

Leah clicks her tongue at your comment, although she can tell exactly what you're doing now.

You had been doing it all this long so easily, it was just that nobody realised it.

"Why didn't you tell me that it was getting bad again?" The blondes' question is something that catches you off guard.

Guilt-striken to hear her words, you found sudden interest with the crisp white sheets currently covering you.

There was a lot of things that you could have said, but would she want to hear any of it?

Nobody can help me with the way I feel,

I'm so tired,

I wanted to relieve the pain, I wanted a way out.

All of the questions racing through your mind, you actually began to wonder if you had cut yourself that deep on purpose? Did your own selfishness overshadow any other feelings inside of you.

The battle with your inner demons was just too much sometimes, you was just so exhausted now.

So, why couldn't you have just been left to die instead?

"What's going on inside your head, Y/N/N?" Leah's next question brought you out of your dark thoughts. "Talk to me, you know that I'm here to listen" she states with a gentle tone of voice.

Although the next words that you speak are nothing that she can be prepared to hear.

"I think... I think I wanted to die, I wanted an out on life" Your voice quivers as you admit the truth to the blonde, finally.

"W... What?" Leah looks at you with a mixture of shock and hurt.

"I'm so tired, Le-- I'm just so fuckin' tired. I... I can't do this anymore" You express your feelings as you feel yourself tearing up.

It was as if Leah hadn't quite regestered the words you had said, or she had but she refused to believe that you actually did want to try and kill yourself.

"The girls all went to get coffee, um I think that all of the girls will be back soon though" The blonde tells you quietly as she wraps her free arm around you and gives you a small smile.

Denial, it was so easy to pretend there wasn't anything to read into with your most recent confession.

"Leah--"

"I bet they'll be happy to know that you're awake now" Leah cut you off as she continues to give you that weary smile, you weren't sure if she was now clutching onto you a bit tighter in fear of you pulling another stunt like you did.

"Leah, didn't you hear me? I said I wanted to die!" You shout loud enough for her to suck in a sharp breath.

"I heard you, Y/N/N-- I heard you, I saw you, I... I was there for it all. I was the one who found you in the bathroom; You was lay in a pool of your own blood while you were slipping in and out of unconciousness" Leah broke her game of where she didn't pretend you as she turned to face you, you had her whole attention now. "I sat there, pressing a god-damn towel against your cuts, praying that you would make it and you... you tell me that you want to die? You don't get to die. You can't, we need you-- Damn it Y/N, I need you! Y... You're my family! So you don't get to tell me you want to die!" she tells you, the shake in her voice so evident that she's close to tears again.

"What? You... You want to die?" Beth broke the tense silence as she has a distraught look on her face.

"Do you really mean that?" Lia questions as her eyes widen in shock.

Neither you or Leah realise that some of the older girls had made their way back to your room, when they arrived they were delighted with the realisation that you were now finally awake after the long 24 hours but that quickly turned into shock and hurt when they heard Leah's words so boldly, that even the patients down the hall probably would've heard.

"I do, I did... I don't know. I'm tired, I can't... I can't keep doing this anymore" You admit out loud for every single one of them to hear.

You hear the blonde beside you suck in another sharp breath as she keeps her arm firmly attached round your shoulder.

The confession is left hanging in the air, leaving a tense feeling and it was suddenly so quiet that in the room that you were certain that you would even be able to hear a pin drop.

Nobody utters a word, a state of shock written across each one of their faces.

"Sometimes sleep isn't enough when it's my soul that's tired" You tell them, leaving them all stood there grief-stricken with the realisation that you really had been struggling for longer than you wanted to admit.

[faiell]

yapping about fics and commenting

sorry to yap but work is boring today and tumblr isn't blocked on my work computer LOL

ok it's abt that post where the writer friend stopped writing because they weren't getting the comments/kudos they wanted.

i'm like. an overeager fandom person. like i cannot get into a fandom without wanting to meet new people and make friends. i love yapping about whatever silly gay idiots i'm hyperfixating over. i'm all about community, and sharing the joy of fandom, and all that fun positive stuff.

i don't post my art for stats but like. that means nothing coming from me tbh. i get stats. i can't accurately predict what would happen if i stopped getting notes on my art, but i would probably keep drawing and keep posting, just maybe less confidently, and less often. i recognize that stats make it much easier and while it’s not my primary motivation, it definitely motivates me to keep posting.

and yet. for years, i never commented on fic. i think i left kudos? and i saw posts like this all the time about how writers were so sad they didn't get comments. and i would feel super guilty about it all the time. but i still wouldn't do it! it sounds stupid, but i would feel pressured. if i liked a fic a lot, it felt even more difficult to comment, because i thought i would have to somehow give back to the author everything that fic gave to me. i wanted to craft the perfect comment that could perfectly encapsulate everything a fic made me feel. and that was way too much pressure so i would just not say anything.

when i got into drarry, i started reading a shit ton of fic. and i still wouldn't comment. i left maybe... 2 or 3 comments, maybe, i think. i can't remember. but i had a lot to say and i WANTED the writers to hear that i had read it and liked it. i just... didn't comment! u know what i did instead? i just fucking straight up DM'd writers on discord and started gushing to them that i liked their fic. somehow i was confident enough to do that, but writing a comment still felt like too much pressure. ?? i don't understand it either, but in my head it felt like a writing assignment, but when I was in DMs it felt more like a conversation and so there wasn't any pressure to make it "good"? idk!! it's very weird.

then i wrote and posted my first complete fic. just a oneshot, nothing special, and i was like. UNREASONABLY nervous about posting it. like. i am a confident person, okay? i was going to make a burner AO3 account and post it under a different name so nobody would know it was me, and then never mention it to anyone except MAYBE super close friends. i got talked out of doing that (thanks i feel a bit silly about considering that now). and then i received my first comment on it, which was basically a two-liner where someone said they liked it and thanked me for writing it.

and i was like. ??...?????? ???????? ...??!!! because i felt like... uncontainable glee? i was freakishly happy. the amount of serotonin those two sentences gave me was definitely unnatural.

is that healthy? idk. will it continue? idk. LOL. i hope so? but idk, some people said it wears off if you write/post for a while. but whatever, the fact that one little comment like that could make my entire day blew my mind. tbh i thought writers were just exaggerating when they said stuff like that.

ever since then i started leaving comments! that shit's easy! like what was i overthinking for? i'm such a fucking tryhard! all i gotta say is that i liked it, and even the bare minimum can bring lots of joy to someone.

so basically what im trying to say is that negative reinforcement doesn't do shit!! it just makes people feel bad about themselves. that post is nasty for guilt-tripping readers like that, and i bet you it's going to have the opposite effect (or no effect tbh).

YAPPING FINISHED. for now.

[itsascreambaby96]

Stu Macher smut where readers a little bit sassy yk? And Stu gets a little upsetty which leads to smut (Sorry I suck at this idk I’m nervous)

Aww sweet anon don't be nervous! I like the idea! I hope you like what I did with this!

Warnings: Smut! 18+ MDNI! oral (male receiving), p in v sex, facial, name calling, swearing, tiny bit of angst(reader is overthinking), stu calls reader sweetheart. And good girl but only twice. Thigh riding. I think that's it.

Pairing: Stu Macher x fem!reader

Accept my apology?

It was exam season at university. So of course you were busy studying as well. Most people understood when you blew them off because you wanted to pass. The only person who didn't seem understand was your boyfriend Stu. He was done with his exams already. Now he was bored and you were not nearly paying enough attention to him. In his opinion of course. You've already spend the whole last day with him, giving him all your attention.

He has been annoying you for a couple hours now and your patience has been running thin.

"Come on Babe I'm bored as hell. Why can't you put your stupid notes away for a while and we can do something fun." As he said this he wiggled his eyebrows.

You were so done with his bullshit but still you continued. That was until Stu had enough and grabbed your flashcards.

"HEY!" You were not amused at all, other than Stu, who was grinning ear to ear.

"Give them back Stu!" You were tired and stressed.

"Mh what do I get if I give them back?" His pointerfinger was at his chin pretending to think.

"My gosh Stu can you for once act like an adult? This exam is importsnt for me and you are ruining everything because what? You are bored? Newsflash! You are not five years old! There are plenty of other things that you could be doing right now instead of keeping me from studying!" After your little rant Stu's eyes hardened, so you won't see the hurt in them. He threw your cards on the ground and left your dorm without another word.

With a sigh you knelt down to collect your cards. Were you too harsh? But he never respected your boundaries. And this exam was important.

Later that night after you were finished with studying and after taking a nice relaxing shower, you tried calling Stu. But he never picked up. After the third time you grew a little worried. Have you hurt his feelings? After trying for the fifth time you gave up and went to bed. You had to apologise tomorrow somehow.

That is why you ended up in front of Stu's door. A Pizza in hand as a form of apology. Your exam went well, you realised afterwards now how rude and mean you were to Stu. He didn't deserve that.

You kept knocking at his door without an answer. With a sigh you sat down next to his door. If he was there he had to come out at one point right? And if he wasn't, well at least he would see you when he decided to come home. You looked at your clock. It was 14:30. Another sigh left your lips. The guilt for treating him the way you did, eating away at you. Your mind going to all different kind of places. Thinking that he will be grumpy for a few more days, to even worse scenarios, like what if he wants to break up with you now? You don't know how you would handle that. He is the love of your life, and you thought for him it was the same with you. What if you were wrong? What if he was with another girl right this moment because for him this relationship was already over?

Your mind kept spiraling. An hour after you showed up here you almost gave up hope. Standing up and taking the now cold pizza you turned to leave. Stu came around the corner right this moment. He was a little startled to see you here.

Without thinking much, you threw yourself at him, pizza box almost smacking Stu in the face.

"Whoa there sweetheart, I am happy to see you too." Stu chuckled a little, but he was confused.

"You didn't pick up your phone, so I thought you were still mad at me for yesterday...And then my mind kept thinking of how this might be the reason you are breaking up with me..." You mumbled into his neck, standing on your tiptoes because he was unbelievably tall.

"Why the hell would I break up with you over something silly liken that? Sure I was upset, because you can be really mean you know that? I am a sensitive guy after all." That made you giggle a little. He might say this as a joke but deep down he could be sensitive even if you were the only person seeing that side of him. Made it all the more special.

"Don't know, you know how my mind can get."

"Fuck yeah I do. You are way too far in your own head sometimes, sweetheart." He tapped his pointer finger against your head for emphasis.

"I was actually hoping to make it up to you." Your breath was tickling the skin of his neck and you could feel goosebumps raising on his soft skin.

"Oh yeah how were you planning on doing that?" His voice took on a different tone, deeper, raunchier. And not more than a whisper, making excitement bubble up inside of you.

"I am taking you like my ways of apologising?" Looking at him still grinning.

He closed the door behind him caging you against it. "Fuck yes I do. Especially the part about the Pizza." He gave you a cheeky grin.

You playfully rolled your eyes at him. But before you could say anything he leaned down and kissed you passionarely. Letting out a satisfied hum against his lips you pulled him closer. Your lips melted together in perfect sync. He tasted faintly of sweets, chocolate. You couldn't have him close enough to you. Not even a sheet of paper would fit between the two of you right now.

Stu bit and nipped at your bottom lip, it was almost painful, but you knew that he liked drawing blood from time to time. Heck he always eats you out when you're on your period too. It helps with the pain.

Parting your lips you let his tongue into your mouth. Your tongues dancing together, a bit of spit drooling out. Again Stu likes it messy.

He began rutting into you as the kiss progressed. Panting against each others lips.

You could feel him hardening against you, and with a little more effort you pushed him away a little bit.

His eyes were hooded over with lust, pupils blown wide. His cheeks had a nice rosy colour and his lips were swollen from the kiss. You were certain you didn't look much different.

Moving him around so he was pushed against the door now you dropped to your knees, before he could pull you in for another kiss. You opened his pants and pulled them down to his ankles. You could see the outline of his cock in his briefs. Yourn mouth began to water and you gave the tip a kiss through his boxer briefs. Stu let out a shaky breath above you. Smiling to yourself you began to mouth at his cock through his boxers. You were fairly enjoying yourself. The anticipation of having the real thing in your mouth soon, making wetness pool between your legs.

It wasn't often that you could tease Stu like this, so you were thrilled he let you go on this long. His whole boxer was wet now where his cock was. Deciding that you did a good enough job in riling him up now, you pulled his boxers down, his cock springing free. Stu hissed a little as the cold air if the room hit his heated up dick. But he didn't have to complain, because your mouth was wrapped around him in seconds. Normally you'd love to admire his pretty cock. How it is shaped slightly upwards, how deep pink his tip got and the precum leaking out of it, the vein that was running along his whole shaft. Truly you loved whorshipping his cock.

You knew Stu says the same thing about your pussy. 69 a favourite position of yours. But right now you could do as you pleased with him. And you were just as eager to get him inside of your mouth as he was being inside of it.

Everything about him was big, so his dick wasn't the exception. You always needed your time to take him into your mouth, but you were so eager that you almost didn't care, pushing your limits a little. He still wasn't completely in. That would be sheer impossible, but with the speed you took him in right now, it leaves Stu breathless. His head dropping against the door as he let out a string of courses. His fingers weaved into your hair. Letting out a satisfied hum at the salty taste on your tongue you began to work your magic. Bobbing your had up and down, jerking him off with your hands on the part that you couldn't fit into your mouth.

Stu was not disappointed. You were really making this messy. He could already see drool running out of your mouth, the sounds you were making only added to his aroused state. Gargling and gagging when you went a little too far. But again you were eager.

Sucking at the sensitive tip from time to time too, which you knew always drove him wild.

"Fuck aren't you the best girlfriend ever? Look at you? So eager to suck my cock. Fuck you look so good. You always do. But right now? There isn't a better place for you."

You keened at his praise. Another thing about Stu? He could never shut up. Not even during sex. One time he really tried to have a whole conversation with you, while he was railing you over the couch.

You kept moving your head, relaxing your throat to take more and more of him. Tears were running down cheeks, mixed with make up. You had him almost down completely but you knew you were at your limit. More spit kept drooling out of your mouth as you kept going. Stu's grip on your hair turned harder and with a push forward you had his entire length inside of your mouth. Your eyes widen and you looked up at him. More tears streamed down your face.

"Fuck yes. Look at you. Looking like my personal whore. Fuck college, you should do this professional just for me." Your cheeks warmed at that. "And then you wouldn't have to snap at me that I am behaving like a child. Humiliated by my own girlfriend. You know that is unacceptable."

With that he kept thrusting his entire length inside of you. You were gagging and crying but honestly? Your panties were drenched by the way he was talking to you and treating you. Holding onto his thighs for dear life. He was really enjoying yourself.

"What would your professors think if they saw their good little student like this? I know you are best in your classes. Surely they would expect you to be such a whore for your boyfriend." His voice was so deep and sounding strained, turning you on moreHe was reaching so deep, you were sure your throat would be sore for a few days, but it was so worth it. Your cheeks burned in shame. But it came from a place of arousal.

You knew he was getting close, you could feel him pulsing. Looking up at him he quickly pulled out of you. Your mouth opened on instinct and you helped him jerk himself to finish over you. The first spurts of his cum hit your face and you closed your eyes. Deep groans came from Stu as he gave you every last drop.

Once he was finished he kept looking at you. The thing why he loves cumming on your face is because it makes you look like his. Sure he knows you are his, but there is a primal part in his brain that wants to claim you like this. Mark you as his, so that any other male or female knows you belong to him.

Opening your eyes carefully you looked up at him with big eyes. Stu's eyes haven't lost their hunger. Quite the contray, they looked even more intense now.

Not breaking eye contact, you lifted your hand to scoop some of his cum from your face and put it in your mouth to suck it off. Another deep groan escaped Stu as he saw you doing this and fully enjoying yourself. Again another primal part of his brain getting pleased. He kicked his pants and boxers off and took of his shirt.

He gripped your arms after you sucked the third scoop off of your finger, lifting you to your feet. You were a little wobbly, your knees hurting from the hard wooden floor.

"Not even the Mona Lisa looks as pretty as you now." Stu rasped, making you blush even more. He dragged you over to the couch and sat down on it.

"Bring me something to drink, would ya?"His legs spread wide you got a little distracted by him.

"Sweetheart you know I don't like asking twice." With big eyes you scambled to the kitchen, knees still weak. You returned with a glass of water and a beer, as you didn't know what exactly he wanted. Returning, you saw he got really comfortable on the sofa. Upon seeing the two drinks in your hands, and the fact that you haven't cleaned yourself off he gave you a genuine smile.

"Aren't you a good fucking girl?" He took the water and chucked it down, opening the beer afterwards. "Here is how it's going to go sweetheart. You are going to ride my thigh until you cum, then I am gonna fuck that disrespectful attitude right outta ya. Understood?" You nodded quickly.

"Good. Now undress for me. Slowly. I wanna enjoy myself."

Who were you to decline him. Removing your shoes and socks first to have them out of the way. You lifted your shirt, slowly of couse, revealing more and more skin to Stu, who was watching you like a hawk. He let out a groan as he saw you were wearing his favourite bra of yours. You gave him a happy smile, glad that he appreciates it. Then you turned around, shimmying out of your pants, bending down, giving Stu a nice view of your ass. You heard a breathy "fuck" as he noticed you were wearing the matching pair of panties to your bra.

Slowly, with your back still facing him you unclipped your bra and took it off. Cupping your boobs with your hands you slowly turned around.

"Come on show them to me." His voice was demanding and he took a swig of his beer. Slowly you peeled your hands off of them. Stu's eyes immediately dropping to them. Your nipples standing proud and internally he was dying to wrap his lips around them. But that would have to wait. You still had to remove one item.

As you took of your panties, Stu could see a string of your arousal connected to them. There was actually a big patch visible on them that Stu hasn't noticed, because he was distracted by your tits.

Still feeling confident, you threw your pantis at him. Stu took them. Then he did something you wasn't expecting. He actually sniffed them. Biting your lip, you could feel your pussy clench. Your eyes widen as you saw him licking the wet patch of your panties. His eyes closing and him groaning, like he just tasted the best thing in the whole world, which to him was the case. He kept doing this a few times and you were growing wetter by the second.

Stu threw your panties to the side and patted his thigh, signaling for you to come over and start.

You scrambled over to him and took your seat on his thigh. You could feel the muscles underneath it.

"Don't be shy. Start. Show me how desperate you are to cum for me."

Slowly you started to moved your hips against his thigh. It took you a little to find a good angle that was catching your clit, giving you some much needed friction. You let out breathy moans, closing your eyes and getting lost in the feeling. Stu gave your thighs a soft slap. "Keep your eyes open. I want to see the desperation grow in them." Nodding you complied even if it was hard.

You started to grind harder on him, quickening your pace. Sucking Stu off has already riled you up so much, you just wanted to cum at this point.

"You really are a whore huh? Making a mess on my thigh. Look at you. So needy." Stu flexed his thigh and it catched your clit in a way that made you dizzy. Your pace became erratic, your legs were burning at this point. You needed to cum so bad, you wanted to gush all over his thigh. Stu took another swig of his beer, watching how your eyebrows creased together. He knew you were close. Another swig and he put the beer away, gripping your hips to make you halt.

You looked at him confused and flushed.

"Change of plans sweetheart. The only way you deserve to cum and make it up to me is on my cock." You nodded dumbly, your mind already fuzzy from how close you were. Standing up again you almost drop to the floor, but Stu held you firmly, helping you take your seat in his lap. You could feel his hard cock pressing against you. With as much strength as you could muster you lifted yourself up a little, gripped Stu's length and sank down on him.

Your mind was reeling at finally being full of him. It was quite the stretch, but you were so wet he easily slipped in. Stu let out a dark moan. Your warmth enveloping him completely.

"You take me so well all the time sweetheart! Fuck. Swear this pussy was made for me." You only mustered a nod, already fucked out. Stu began to thrust up into you, making you fall forward onto his chest. Whimpering as he drilled into your pussy. He was determined to fuck the attitude out of you just like he promised.

You were holding on for dear life as he didn't let up. Your pussy juice coating the both of you. Stu pulled your face up to give you a heated kiss, that you couldn't hold for long as you desperately needed the oxygen. Stu grinned at that. Your face was still covered in his cum.

"God I should take a picture of you like this. So I always know what a good little whore you are for me when you piss me off." You could only moan in response.

"Need a whole stack of them, cause I sure as hell would ruin them just like I am ruining you right now huh?" Gosh he really wasn't shutting up ever. But you couldn't really focus on anything he was saying. The only thing you could concentrate on was how he was stretching you out, his tip hitting your Gspot every single thrust. You were seeing stars at this point.

Your release came without much of a warning. It came crushing through you and you were a moaning babbling mess, feeling yourself clench around Stu hard.

"Fuck that's it sweetheart look at you. What a sight!" Your ears were ringing and Stu still kept thrusting into you.

Lucky for you and your poor abused pussy, Stu didn't take that much longer before he came inside of you with a deep thrust. He kept grunting for you to "take everything I give you." And you didn't have much of a choice than to oblige. Not that you wanted to.

The both of you were sweaty and Stu moved you both so that you were lying on top of him on the couch fully now. Panting, you could listen to his heartbeat which helped you calm down slowly.

"You're amazing. You know that?" Stu's voice was rapsy. You lifted your head to look at him, giving him a soft grin. "Oh I know." He chuckled and gave you a big kiss. You hummed. Enjoying the post orgasmic bliss and cuddling for a while was one of your favourite parts. Stu drew patterns on your skin.

Then after a while, it was getting cold by now, he slipped out of you, making you whine. He sat you onto the couch, drapping the blanket he had here, thanks to you, over you so you could cover yourself up. He went to the bathroom and emerged, with new boxers on and a wash cloth. Sitting down next to you he started to clean off your face.

"Almost a shame cleaning it up..." He mumbled and you softly pushed against his shoulder, making him let out a soft laugh.

After he was done you stood up and waddled to the bathroom yourself. When you came back to him you put the blanket down, as you now wore one of Stu's favourite shirts. And it was only his favourite because you looked so good wearing it all the time.

Stu patted next to him and you plopped down. He gave you a glas of water which you eagerly took and drank. You really needed it. He turned on the TV and pulled the pizza onto his lap. Opening the box, the pizza inside gone cold a long time ago. But neither of you cared as you ate and enjoyed whatever it was that was on TV. Neither of you keeping attention to it really as you kept talking about your days. Stu asked you how your exam went. Everything was forgiven by now. And if this was the outcome? Maybe you should piss him of more times now.

[igglemouse]

Lets start this day with some big news! Our little Flora is officially too big for her crib which means she's grown some! They do grow fast, don't they? It's almost hard to keep up!

Just look at her! My little princesa! She's wiggling and cooing and happy as can be and what else is there to say? I'm soaking in the moment with her and have little else to say. I just feel so lucky and fortunate and I know I keep saying this but all my love is for her right now!

I would have played with her a little more but I think all that growing wore her out, as it tends to do, so I would let her have her nap and whip up a pizza! Pizzas are easy to make thankfully and this one will just be a regular classic pepperoni as you can't go wrong with that. I think I do make a pretty good pizza pie! That's amore!

I think the scent of pizza brings Pascal to the kitchen but when he arrives he's looking a little sad. I admit, the frown on his face makes me forget for a moment that he's been oogling models in his spare time and I can't wait to offer my emotional support.

"What's wrong?" I ask, putting aside his wandering eyes for just a moment. I bet it has something to do with futbol, usually if he's sad that is why, but I can't ignore one significant difference about him. "You umm, forget to shave?"

"That's just it, my razor broke and I might have to go out like this," he looks so disheartened even as he rubs the new beard that now adorns his face.

"You look great! In fact, I'd say keep it!"

"Well, if you say so."

I can't help but chuckle at how dramatic he's being. "You look fine either way! Actually, I think it suits you! You're a daddy now and it matures you some."

"I guess it's not so bad..." he mumbles although the frown on his face doesn't budge. I remind him that there is fresh pizza in the kitchen so if that doesn't make him feel a little better than I don't know what will.

I've decided not to bring up the model oogling just yet. Eventually, yes, but right now I just don't feel it is the right time. I've thought a lot about it last night but I want to keep those thoughts to the side, not let them consume me. He's a man. I know, that's a poor excuse, but it is also the truth. It is also the truth that really I'm still very very very much into him and that right now is enough for me to set it aside and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Instead, my mind drifts to bigger things, longer term things, another baby kind of things and maybe, hopefully, a proposal. Yeah, the big M. I can't help but wonder when it will happen or...if it will happen.

I'll be honest, I probably would've spent the rest of the night overthinking about Pascal's liking history on Simstagram but the moment I see Flora's little face it grounds me completely. She's the result of our passion and love and I won't throw that away on a whim. Feeding her, holding her, playing with her reminds me of what truly matters.

Oh! She loves to hiccup! That makes her a hiccuper? It's the most adorable thing, it's a squeaky little sound and whenever she does it she almost looks confused as if she's asking 'did I do that?' and I have to remind her to have manners! A little lady doesn't go around hiccuping at others after all!

And I love her so much that I am taking her everywhere I go in my little carrier. Thankfully, she's a quiet one and she's pretty calm about being carried around. Only wriggling and cooing here and there and hopefully taking in what will hopefully be her home for many years to come.

Oh! Also, as I'm out and about, I notice that people are recognizing me? Nothing major, a few waves and hellos along with my name "Frida!" and I can't help but wonder is it from my food stand or me new growing SimTube channel? Either way, it does feel nice to be noticed! There's even a fellow food stand chef who offered me a free hotdog but I had to decline because Flora started to whine and flail, her way of wanting to go back home I think.

Oh, and Pascal did spend time with Flora after he came back from a game. I SWEAR she was giving him the side-eye. I might have ummm vented to her about the traveling eyes of men. Not that she could understand a word I've said but maybe, just maybe, she picked up on it in my tone...or it could be she's unsure of him because she really doesn't get to see him too much, he's always working, after all.

Meanwhile, in the poorer part of town, Sara and Simón were curled up together in his humble trailer. He had called her over saying that there was something important they needed to discuss but it didn't end up being much of a conversation. Instead, he simply asked for her loyalty and her love.

She wanted to, she wanted him to be the one, Watcher how she wanted to. He could be her escape, her distraction, her addiction, her everything, how she wanted every bit of that, but she knows oft times the heart doesn't get what it wants. The brain though, the brain can be a lot more realistic with its desires.

"I know what you are," she said suddenly, the realization blowing past her like a chill breeze. Her hands roamed his chest, the tips of her fingers searching for something, reassurance, maybe? The mystery of him perhaps, the missing puzzle piece that would make this thing between them work.

"I know you'd figure it out," his reply was quiet and his voice heavy. He wasn't shocked. He wouldn't deny it or talk her out of it. He couldn't run from his past like Frida because he had become his past and now as he looked at Sara he wondered if she could ever be part of his future. If she should. The danger he could put her through..."So, what do you think?"

"I don't want this to end," she decided, the words surprising even herself. Maybe, just maybe, he was worth the risk. Love is always worth the risk...

Frida Varela - Next Episode 9.5

[clairedaring]

Compilation post of my favorite Nadao actors (Nonkul Chanon, JJ Krissanapoom, Tor Thanapob) & Bright Rapheephong giving some interview answers on why they decided to star in queer/LGBTQ+ coded series/roles, some of their takes on being in BL (Y)/Queer series.

note: if you find this post familiar, it's because i've posted this on Reddit before. reposting here for archival purposes

TOR THANAPOB

Tor Thanapob interview in April 2023 when being asked about starring in Midnight Museum (a queer-coded GMMTV series) - (translation by infinitygraph_)

Tor: I think nowadays we should stop talking about gender. It doesn't mean that I have to act with women all the time or I can't act with men at all. I feel that I have proved to everyone that, work is work, and everything is about art. Even my team who are staying with me all the time has all kind of sexualities. It's not strange if someday we want to try telling story of other sexualities that we feel that we might be able to help them telling. If you ask me if today I am like that, today I might not, but I have a chance to understand them more, so I want to do it. Q: Is it because of the spoiler that [Midnight Museum] might be a series Y (BL)? Tor: Nothing to do with it. I tell you, sincerely, it has nothing to do with the spoiler. I just want to say that you don't have to overthink about it because nothing is fixed. Actors are actors. These days there are some award shows don't divide genders into categories anymore. I think this is a great step. Actresses also don't have to act with men all the time, they can act with women. And they both being the main characters Right. Because not all the main characters from every project have to come with the word 'love'. Even if there's 'love', there're many kinds of love. It's up to the audience what kind of feeling they have. Do they feel the same as me or they even feel more than I do? Q: So that means these days you can accept the work without any limit about what you are, which genders... Everything is about the story/script-writing? Tor: Right. I admit that I was afraid before. I wasn't afraid about my image, I was afraid that I would tell the story without understanding it, because I didn't have any experience at all. But at some point I found the chance to be more open-minded, brave to act it out all the way, such as Midnight Museum...

Tor's Vogue Interview in February 2024 on Spare Me Your Mercy as another important milestone as an actor (all translation by saltymarbles on twitter)

Tor: As for Euthanasia, I’ve been interested in it just from its name. If we were to go back in time to the period of the Prime Ministerial elections last year, there was some talk regarding the laws about euthanasia. As such, I know the meaning of it but if I had to explain it, I wouldn’t dare to because I don’t know that deeply about it. Tor: Up to the day that this drama happens, the owner of this project told me he wanted to set this question before anything changed in society: ‘Actually, are humans capable of choosing their death?’. Tor: This question shot through the core of my brain and immediately, i was like: ‘I need to tell this story’. And the role that he hoped to give me also served that function too. It’s a character which sets up the question of ‘what is right?’.(t/n: "this question" likely refers to a more philosophical kind of question regarding morality which asks what does being ‘correct’ mean — what is ‘objective morality’ (if it exists)) Tor: Do the people who are really suffering have the right to ask to leave? (t/n: "leave" is just a polite way of saying die (Thai people usually don’t use directly use the word die when talking about humans, usually use a more polite way like how we say ‘passed away’ or ‘xyz has left us’) Tor: Thus I decided to play along with knowing that the timeline of Euthanasia will remain with one in a hundred (people), so I like shades of the polar opposite. If the first story is navy blue, the other will be red — not close at all.

NONKUL CHANON

Nonkul's response to the question “If you have a chance, would you consider playing in a BL series? If accepted, who do you to co-act with?” in a Facebook Q&A video in 2021

Nonkul: If that series is an interesting storyline for me, I am always open to any kind of genre. I never categorized BL series as an BL series, I just think of it as a series with another plot as part of my work. It is a normal series that can have any of the plots which I will categorize as Romantic Comedy, Drama or whatever. Thus, when I choose the BL series I want to work with, the love preference of the character does not affect my decision. If the plot of the series is interesting, of course I’m gonna do it for sure. Every work that I chose, I personally think it at least enjoyable for me. Of course, if in the future, there are BL series with plots that I find interesting, that I enjoyed the script. “Like, wow, that’s my type!”, I will definitely selected it to be my future project. A good written series is a good series. This is what I believe as an actor. For BL Series, I think I can work with everyone. I don’t think I have anyone in particular. One thing! I desire the character of that person/actor? to be close to the character in the series. At that point I will be satisfied. Sometimes, I as an actor have a chance to work with people who don't have a lot of acting experience. I will still discover something new from him as well. And there is a BL novel which I really like! [Nonkul explains the plot of his favorite BL Novel ‘Peremo’] I would prefer to choose the “heroine” role because it will be a new experience for me as an actor because it will be a new experience for me as an actor. Because basically I only play as a hero role for the main character or support character in my work, but a “heroine” role in a BL series is the only chance for me to play a character more feminine. So it is a new experience for me. [Nonkul continues raving about 'Peremo’]. But if you think that you can make [an adaptation of Peremo], please do not forget me, Nonkul! Pleaseeeeeeee, I will do my best, I promise!!! However, I’m not only fixated on this novel. I’m also open for many more BL series if there is an interesting plot.

Nonkul's response to being ask if he's worried about filming NC scenes in IFYLITA (translation by saltymarbles)

Nonkul: I have to say when I had finished reading [the novel] and it’s made me want to act (in this series). I am probably worried more about the CG because if it’s a fantasy story with time travel, if the CG isn’t good, people will feel that it’s ‘off’. Because CG is something we don’t know anything about until we see the final product. One of the reasons that I accepted this role is because for some series, when I’ve read (the script/novel) for homework, I don’t accept them because there are some scenes that are forced in just for the sake of fan service. And I’m not really into that. If it’s a natural NC scene, then I’m not bothered. I’m a person who places a lot of importance on the story in series making sense. So to me, if an NC scene is reasonable, I won’t be bothered by it. But if it seems forced, I’m not into it. It’s important to show human-ness.

Two clips of Nonkul being asked what he thinks about doing NC scenes in IFYLITA (Clip 1 and Clip 2). Nonkul said that he places great importance on the character's actions. If an NC scene is reasonable he wouldn't mind but would if it's not reasonable. For Nonkul, understanding character is very important, especially for himself as an actor. Nonkul also said previously he had rejected some BL series offers because he can feel when NC scenes are put in just for fan service, which is also a reason why Nonkul accepted to play Jom in IFYLITA is because the love scenes are natural and make sense.

JJ KRISSANAPOOM aka JAYLERR

JJ's interview in February 2024 on Spare Me Your Mercy and his chemistry with Tor (translation by saltymarbles)

JJ: The pilot of ‘Euthanasia’ has been received well since the novel has many fans already who are excited about it. JJ & Tor are similarly excited and are committed to doing their best. The chemistry between Tor & JJ need not be questioned according to JJ since they are already close with each other. The series is in the phase of pre-production currently.

One of my favorite fictional characters of ALL TIME (not just in Thai or BL series) has got to be Tangmo from Great Men Academy (2019) (the series that a lot of BL audience refused to admit it's a queer series). The character Tangmo (played by Jaylerr) was questioned by the press about his gay crush on the protagonist: "Do you think being gay affect your chance of winning the competition?" to which his reply was a stellar "Well then let me ask you something, Does being gay make my good deeds meaningless?"

This isn't the first time JJ has played a queer role, JJ has played a gay character in TWO seasons of the LGBTQ+ series Diary of Tootsies (2016 and 2017). JJ plays Gus, the love interest of the main character.

So even though many BL fans consider Spare Me Your Mercy to be JJ's "first" BL series (which I don't agree with this strict interpretation of BL series), it is definitely not his first QL (Queer Love) series nor queer-adjacent roles as shown through out his filmography.

It is also noteworthy that even during the airing of these series, JJ was already in a public relationship with his fellow actress girlfriend Thanaerng (who has also played sapphic roles). You can see that the real life relationship of JJ or Thanaerng do not influence how/what projects they take on because work is just work :D

BRIGHT RAPHEEPHONG (all translation by saltymarbles on twitter)

Bright at Mono29 Lineup event

Bright: I think that, as I’ve previously said, BL series are just like other ordinary series or movies. Like IFYLITA can be changed to be said to be more like a period drama. I feel that BL is just about two people loving each other, not about whether it’s about male-male or female-male. This series is a period drama and it’s a romantic comedy and the other series is an action drama.

Bright's Interview with LIPS Magazine

Q: What if one day, we’re sucked in by the ship? Bright: I think fans in this day and age don’t need actors to do fan service to that extent. For myself, I’ve never intended for it to be the foundation (of his work). I think it’s a matter of being partners and working together. As such, it’s somewhat good in every aspect because it’s not forcing it. But in some moments, there may some actions that may just be the result of being friends. So even if fans ship, it’s cute to me. (smiles) Q: Do you feel a sense of “newness” stepping into a full-fledged BL? Bright: I feel that BL series are another branch of acting. I don’t think of it as being a specific form of male to male communication. It’s just another type of series just like action dramas, comedy etc, it’s just another kind of role that we can play.

Bright's Interview with Praew Magazine

Q: How is it working with Nonkul? Bright: Nonkul is a person who already does a good job at his work. He does his homework and he is also good at delivering and receiving emotions when on set. It isn’t just Nonkul who is great but the other characters in this series too, this includes P’Tee, the director. We can always talk about ideas which made the work even better. If asked whether entering the scenes with Nonkul made me shy, I would say that BL series are just another branch (of acting), it is just another role. I don't think that when acting with another man, that there’s a need to feel anything. I feel that it’s just another form of work. Another thing is that our workshops were very complete. When we work together I know what level and extent I can go to, what I should do and also trying my best in how I should feel. Thus, I felt at ease working together.

Bright’s Interview with NineEntertain

Q: Are you happy to do “ship” activities like this? Bright: I feel that if there’s an opportunity with regards to being an actor, I don’t want to be stuck in ships like this. I accepted this role with the status of an actor and I want to accept various roles too. It doesn’t always need to be BL or a specific kind of series. I will have another series next year which is ordinary boy-girl relationship and not a BL series. I feel that BL series are just another category of series — not like BL series are just BL series. It’s another category like action, romcom, or drama. It’s just another category. Q: There is still the possibility of coming to act as per usual. (unclear of what the interviewer said) Bright: I feel that with every work opportunity, it’s more about the script and storyline of the work that I were to accept. For example, I accepted the role of Khun Yai in IFYLITA as i felt that it was a script that was suitable for me. I didn’t think of it as “oh it’s a BL series, I need to accept it” because to be honest, I have been contacted for various BL series but because [IFYLITA] storyline is really good, I wanted to try acting in it. Q: What is the difficulty of acting in BL as an actor? Bright: I feel like there isn’t any difference compared to regular series. I feel that when two men love each other or kiss, I don’t think of it as (me and) a man, I think of it more as each of the characters or persons. Q: Does that affect the trend of being a ship? Bright: Hmm… Actually I am not able to answer that because I feel like it depends on people’s perspectives. Because some people may prefer that (an actor) has a (onscreen) gf/bf but some people may be upset about it. I feel like the trend depends on the people’s perspectives as people have different ways of thinking (about it). I think that I am open to listening to all different opinions on this. I feel that working (in this industry), you should be able to explore different things and you should not be fixed in one thing. We need to continue moving onto the next thing. I feel that Non has his own work and I also have my own work, and other actors too have their own upcoming work. It doesn’t mean that coming to act in IFYLITA means that you stay in IFYLITA forever. Q: Some may feel that it’s sad their their ship is coming to an end and that they are gonna work with different people. Bright: Actually, there are still some upcoming pair events but as I’ve said earlier, everyone needs to continue to do their own duties as an actor. Q: What if people change their minds about shipping your ship in the future? Bright: I think it’s a normal thing. I feel that when someone (likes us), they also like our work. I feel like our fanclub likes both Yai and Jom, and they also like Bright and Non. They like the characters and that Bright and Non play these characters and they so they like us at this point. I feel like people who came to like us are also fans of other people. I feel that they are a source of encouragement for me when they like me but I am also glad if they meet someone new or support another person. I feel happy when they come to meet me and if they’re happy when they meet other (celebs), it’s a good thing for them. If there’s a new person, an older person, a regular person or a person they just met that they are happy to meet, I feel that it’s nothing to be stressed about. Let’s say a fan comes and likes me and is following my work and there’s someone new who enters and they like their work, I am glad for them to go support that other person because that person can bring happiness to the fan.

Wow, I really got carried away with this compilation but as a fan who's followed Nonkul, JJ and Tor since their Nadao days, watching them star in queer-coded series/roles like Bangrak Soi 9/1, Hormones, Diary of Tootsies, Great Men Academy... (or in Bright's case a gay character in lakorn Rivalry), I'm just so proud that they have been able to receive "BL" series script offers that they would like to take on.

I've never sat well with the difference in the treatment of the press to "BL actors" and "non-BL actors". I wish there weren't such a distinction because it feels like the notion itself holds a lot of prejudices baggage with it, to both "BL" and "non-BL" actors. To quote a friend on Reddit, "I believe most actors would feel more fulfilled if they knew their fans loved/respected them as individual artists, instead of only seeing them as one part of a unit whose value is lower when 'separated' from their official partner."

[hockeymenarehot]

Oh my god!! The late night call story was amazing can you make a part two please!

Late Night Sex Feat. Bill Kaulitz

ofcourse I can! im glad you enjoyed and i hope you enjoy this one as well!

pairing: best friend!bill kaulitz x fem!reader

summary: this is part 2 of Late Night Calls

warnings: smut, p in v, unprotected, sort of rough sex, multiple orgasms, creampie, overstimulation, name calling (slut, whore), degradation, praise, use of petnames (princess, darling), he calls you pretty girl once, no use of y/n, aftercare, mentions of pain medication, he tries to be gentle but it fails, not proofread ignore mistakes please, lmk if I missed anything! :)

Beep Beep Beep

Three beeps, indicating the call was over. (Or moreover that he had hung up on you) You tapped your phone again to check the time.

4:26 A.M.

You were still trying to wrap your mind around everything that had just happened. I mean, Bill is supposed to be your best friend. You didn't think 'best friends' were supposed to be on the phone at night making each other cum. You remembered the words he'd said right before he hung up "...why don't you come over and see how well you can take my cock?"

Those words rung through your head, making your heart rate speed up and the ache in your core return. Your hand began to slide down your stomach subconsciously, the aching outweighing the sensitivity of your prior orgasm. Right before your hand reached your pulsing cunt, you decided to consider his offer again. I mean, what was the worst that could happen? He was obviously into you, and taking into account how you just drenched your perfectly good bedsheets to the sound of him was probably an indicator that you were into him too.

And honestly, if he could make you squirt just by his voice, the thought of what he could do with his cock had you rubbing your thighs together all over again.

Against your better judgement, you slid your silk nightgown down (which had remained unscathed surprisingly?) and slid a pair of panties on before grabbing your keys and heading out.

It took you a surprisingly short amount of time to reach his place. Maybe due to the fact that you were practically flooring it in anticipation. Being faced with his front door, you quickly thought about the consequences of what you were about to do again. About to take a second to contemplate, the universe apparently decided for you because the door swung open.

"Hey, sweetheart. Decide to take me up on my offer, huh?"

Your heart thrummed in your chest as you took in the sight before you. His hair was slightly dishelved, but still absolutely fucking gorgeous, and his face was dusted with the prettiest shade of pink. He was wearing a black shirt, and apparently decided against pants as he was leaving little to the imagination with how his obvious boner was poking through his boxers.

Feeling vulnerable with how his eyes were practically stripping you and fucking you right there, you mumbled a small "Y- yeah.." and chose to avert his gaze. "Aw, c'mon princess, you don't have to be like that. You think I can't see how your thighs are clenching? I can tell how bad you want this. Now come inside so I can fuck you so hard you won't be able to overthink, or even think at all." He shuffled a little to the side allowing you space to walk in. You drew in a large sum of air, trying to clear your mind. You looked up at him and he gave you a comforting smile, which was all you needed to pick your feet up and walk through the door.

Knocking the air out of your lungs, he spun you around with one arm, keeping it on your lower back so you wouldn't get hurt, and pushed you up against the door. With his other he basically slammed the door shut. You didn't have any time to think about what was going on before he was viciously attacking any skin on your neck and chest. You made a mental note to buy some concealer for tomorrow after you left.

Working his way up your jawline, peppering kisses and biting your skin, he let out subtle groans. The noises he made made you impossibly more wet, and you honestly didn't think you could take the teasing after the show he gave you about an hour ago. You let out a little whimper when you felt his hard cock press against your leg "Please... t- take me." You swore you could feel him twitch beneath you. "Yeah? That's what you want princess? You sure?" You blushed at his consideration for consent, as if you had practically forgot who you were about to get fucked by. "Yes! Please! Just fuck me!" He scoffed at your impatience, as if his cock wasn't twitching at your words. "Patience, darling. I've barely gotten started with you." With that, he picked you up bridal style and walked with you towards his bedroom.

Closing the bedroom door with one foot, he almost threw you onto his bed. You noticed how is bedsheets were clean, which was honestly a bit surprising. He made his way to the foot of the bed, before climbing towards you and hovering over you. He brushed his cool fingers against your cheekbone, making you blush. "Hey pretty girl" He whispered into the shell of your ear. The name made you let out a soft whimper, and you could hear him try to contain a groan in the back of his throat. "Fuck, do you know what you do to me? What you've always done to me?" The last part came out just above a whisper, and all you could do was lie there, awaiting what he had planned for you. Bill quickly lifted his shirt off his head, clearly having waited long enough. In no more than a couple seconds he was completely naked, vulnerable for your eyes to completely take him in. To devour him, just like he was about to do with you. He stroked his completely erect cock three times, letting out a subtle moan with each one. Then, he focused his attention completely on you. And thank God he did, because his actions had you practically panting with want.

Bill took more time with you, wanting to be gentle. It was almost as if he didn't want to break you. He slowly lifted your nightgown up, exposing your bare breasts to him. His hands came up to massage them, twisting and rubbing your peaked nipples. You were beginning to become frustrated with how much time he was taking. You didn't want him to be gentle. You wanted him to fuck your brains out. "Bill... P-please just fuck me. I want you to fuck me hard!" He looked a little taken aback by your words. "Hm, such filthy words from such a pretty mouth. But how could I say no to you? You've been so good to me." It didn't take him long to basically rip your (quite nice) panties off. He took a second to admire your cunt and the way it gushed for him, running a finger through your folds making you gasp. But he wanted to follow your instructions, wanted to please you.

Because you were so wet from your little phone call with him not too long ago, Bill decided you were prepped enough. He flipped you onto your side and laid down on his side behind you. He traced his fingers down your hips before slotting his cock between your legs and abruptly pistoning himself into you, making you cry out. "Ah!" Bill chuckled a little bit at how your body reacted to him. "Fuck, you have such a perfect pussy. I know you've been thinking about this for a while now, thinking about me." He didn't give you much time to adjust to his large length before fucking into you at a brutal pace, trying to find that spot in you that would have you a crying mess. You became suddenly a bit self conscious about how much noise you were making, and how he wasn't making nearly as much noise. You covered your mouth with your hand in an attempt to muffle your sounds. This was to no avail, as Bill immediately caught on. "Ah ah, princess. Needa let me hear your sweet sounds. Needa hear just how much of a whore you are for me." The sudden transition from his sweet petnames to him calling you his whore had you clenching around his cock. "Yeah? You like that? Like when I call you my little slut? Is that what you want? To be my little -Fuck- cumdump?" You whimpered out a meek "Yes!" And he suddenly found the strength to push his cock into you even harder, finding that spot in you that had you crying out his name every time he hit it. Feeling the way your pussy spasmed around him, he reached down in between your legs to rub figure 8's around your clit. He took his other hand to play with the flesh of your breasts, not wanting any part of your body to be untouched by him. "Gonna -shit- cum for me? Go on, cum around my cock like the slut you are." It didn't take too long with how he was touching you and his filthy words to making you cum on his cock with a scream of his name. Your visions was blurry around the edges, and you were practically drooling with the intensity of your orgasm. Bill flipped you over onto your back and began fucking you at an ungodly pace that no human should be able to move at. "Bill! Wait- Ah! I'm sensitive!" This didn't stop him "Don't give me that. I know t-that you can fucking take it. Be a good whore for me." The overstimulation was driving you mad, and you could already feel another orgasm building up in between your legs. You couldn't form coherent thoughts let alone words as Bill shot his cum deep inside you with a large thrust. Soon after you also came with a loud cry, not bothering to stop the tears rolling down your pink dusted cheeks.

"You did so good for me. So fucking good for me." You cringed as he pulled out, hating the feeling of being suddenly empty. He began to walk away to get some water and some pain medication that you would probably find useful for your soreness. "Wait- don't leave." He grinned at you before pulling himself up, "Don't worry, I'll be right back." and he walked out the door.

It felt like an eternity before he was back, but he did return as he promised with some ice cold water and some over the counter pain meds. "Here you go, beautiful. You doin' alright? Did you enjoy that?" He spoke gently as he laid back down beside you. "Enjoy it? Bill, you just fucked my brains out. Don't think I'll be walking for a couple days." He smiled at you while he trailed his fingers down your stomach.

"Guess that means I have you to myself for a couple days then too, huh?"

a/n: I tried my best to write something u might find enjoyable! thanks so much for all the love. if you've sent a request just know I've seen it and I'll be working on it! requests are still open because I really love your ideas. be sure to keep sending prompts! <3