#ALL THE GIRLS WITH HEADS INSIDE A DREAM ( FACE: M. HALSEY. )

[miskatonique]

TAG DROP 3 -- MEGAN HALSEY !

[hellomissmabel]

Vienna

MASTERLIST

AO3 account

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x plus size!reader

Warnings: Fat shaming, angst, fluffy ending

Word count: 2.302

Summary: Sebastian and Y/N are taking a time-out while Sebastian finishes up filming for his new movie. They’re not splitting up for Sebastian it feels that way and in one final attempt at making amends, he shows up unexpectedly at Y/N’s door.

A/N: Written for @caplansteverogers

Inspired by the song “Gasoline” by Halsey. Lyrics in italics.

All plus size fics can be found here

Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me? Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me? Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me? Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?

It’s early when you can hear the doorbell ring, the display of your alarm saying it’s not even 6 a.m. on this dreary Wednesday morning. Swinging your feet over the edge of the bed, you stretch your arms and look at yourself in the mirror on the other end of the bedroom. You’ve got a royal bed head and your shirt is slightly crooked. In your dusty pink pyjama shorts and light grey t-shirt you shuffle towards the front door of your New York apartment, expecting to see your landlord to ask you about the rent again.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Y/N…,” the voice on the other side of the door responds when you want to slam the door back into his face. “I just flew all the way here so please, just let me in.” You relent and he closes the door behind him, a guilty look on his face, before following you over to the couch. He sits down but you don’t, instead leaning against the wall and keeping your distance.

“What are you doing here, Seb?,” you question him as you suppress a yawn, crossing your arms over your chest to hide your taut nipples pressing through the fabric of your shirt. You usually sleep covered under a million blankets, so you never realised until now how chilly it’s in your apartment without the heating turned up to match the early autumn cold.

Sebastian fidgets with the paper bag he’s holding, putting it on your living room table so you can look inside it. “I found these while cleaning up our bedroom.”

“It’s not our bedroom anymore,” you snap back before you can bite your tongue, regret coursing through your veins as you see his shoulders slump like a lost puppy from the corner of your eye.

Inside the paper bag is  your old college sweater, which you thought he would’ve just thrown out after your separation. There’s also the camera Seb broke on your trip to Vienna, when you first came out as a couple and were at your happiest.

“I thought you might want these back,” he mumbles under his breath, resting his back against the couch cushions as he folds his hands in his lap.

Lastly, a half-empty bottle of the expensive champagne you got for yourself the day you broke up. But instead of drinking it like you intended to, you poured it down the drain as soon as you saw a pic of Seb pop up on Instagram, the girl’s caption stating she was glad he finally got rid of this fat cow.

“Thanks for the sweater, I thought I’d thrown it out…,” you smile sadly at him, feeling grateful that you had it back. “But you can keep the bottle, though. And that camera is broken, so I won’t be able to use it anyway.”

Seb nods, already expecting such an answer, and gets up from your couch. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Being face to face again with the man you loved so much, and still love so much, cuts your heartstrings in a thousand little snippets. That man knows just what to say and to do in order to tug the right memories. But you’re strong and just as long as he doesn’t say those three words, you’ll be fine.

Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me? Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me? Do the people whisper ‘bout you on the train like me? Saying that "you shouldn't waste your pretty face" like me?

Lingering a little too long for your taste, you push yourself off the wall and walk in front of him back to the door. He follows suit like a lost puppy until his chest is inches away from your back and as your hand stops seconds away from reaching the door knob.

“You still smell so good,” he whispers into your hair, his breath fanning your neck. “Like fresh laundry. Or an early spring afternoon in Vienna.”

You know what he’s trying to do by bringing up your trip to Vienna. The broken camera was a subtle clue and you didn’t realise it at first, but now you can see things clearly. “Don’t, Sebastian.”

The former brunet inhales deeply, running his hand down his face. “What am I doing, Y/N?”

“You were leaving,” you reply dryly, attempting to turn around again and open the door for him but his arm locks you in place.

“I mean, what are we doing?,” he rephrases, intense blue eyes burning holes in your face. “I love you, Y/N. I know we can’t go back to Vienna but maybe we can bring Vienna back to New York?”

Your fingers slide off the door knob and you sigh heavily. “I - I can’t go back to that life. I can’t go back to pretending to be someone I’m not.” Your eyes meet his and you immediately notice the painstaking hurt behind them.

“Look at you, Sebby.” You scan his clothes and give him a sad half smile. “You dyed your hair blond for your new movie. You dress up smart for big premieres and women all over the world swoon over you. They even write fan fiction about you.”

Collapsing your back against the surface of the door, you allow yourself to be cornered by Sebastian, his hands placed on either side of your head as he leans in closely. “Do you like the blond hair?”

Eyeing him curiously in confusion as to where this unexpected question came from, you shake your head at his silliness. “Of course I like your hair, Sebastian. But that’s not the point I’m trying to make here.”

Sighing softly, you press your hands to his chest and gently remove yourself from the door, tiptoeing back to the living room and onwards to the kitchen to make yourself a strong cup of coffee. “I don’t recognise you anymore, Seb. How can you keep your own unique identity if you continue to lose yourself in all these different characters?”

Again, he follows suit in uncomfortable silence, perched against the kitchen counter as he watches your every move very intently. “I’m just the girl next door, Seb,” you continue as you wait for the coffee machine to finish, “I’ve always been the girl next door.”

“But I don’t fit into your world. I’m not cut out for the glitter and glamour of the stardom. I don’t fit into the fancy gowns designers used to send me because I have a bigger body than the runway models they usually dress up.”

And all the people say "You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline"

Pouring yourself a cup of coffee, you take a sip and revel in the warmth dripping down your throat and easing the soreness of the early morning wake up call, putting reality on hold for just a little while longer. Sebastian however, he doesn’t let your words wrap themselves around his heart. “I want to try this again, Y/N.”

You place your cup back on the counter, your hands falling limp at your sides as you cast your eyes downwards in contemplation. “I don’t think I can, Sebby.” The vulnerability in your words causes the goose bumps to cut like a knifes through your skin. “You promised to give me a couple days to figure things out. This isn’t exactly the time-out we agreed on.”

Sebastian takes a couple firm strides towards you, closing the distance until his hands cup your cheeks and his lips slant over yours. “I love you,” he whispers lowly and you know you’re done for. “I’m sorry but I can’t stand it anymore. You’ve been gone for too long and I’m going mad.”

“Sebastian…,” you try to reason with him but instead of letting you finish, his lips cut your off.

The kiss lasts longer than any other kiss with Sebastian before. Is it a minute or two? Ten minutes? An hour or two or three? You don’t know. You’ve lost all sense of time, only focused on the soft press of his lips on yours, that cheeky sliver of tongue slipping past your lips as you gasp when he squeezes your thigh.

He’s the first to deepen the kiss, but also the first to break it, instead peppering butterfly kisses down your neck and throat, crouching on his knees in front of you as he lifts up your shirt, looking up at you through thick, luscious eyelashes for permission.

The soft press of his lips on your tummy means your undoing. “I missed giving you tummy kisses. I missed your tummy, your thighs, your butt,… I missed my plus size girl.”

Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me? Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me? Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me? Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?

It’s like the earth moves under your feet, your heart bursting as you run your hands through his blond hair. “You know just the right things to say, don’t you?”

“Can I take you to your bedroom?,” he queries gingerly as he gazes lovingly into yours eyes. You bite your lip in doubt but you’ve already given your heart to Sebastian a long time ago, so the choice will never be yours to begin with.

He carries you bridal style to the bedroom, shedding himself of his shoes, trousers, jacket and shirt before crawling onto the bed and joining you underneath the covers. You hadn’t even bothered to take off any of your clothes, because it’s not that kind of intimacy you’re both looking for.

What Sebastian and you have always sought in a significant other, it’s that unbreakable emotional connection that transcends anything physical. Not just plain, sexual desire but a deeper skin contact.

His hands dip underneath your shirt, his sweaty palms providing the necessary warmth you’ve been craving for all this time. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should’ve paid more attention to you. I should’ve seen how you were feeling. I should’ve been there to help you.”

Resting your cheek on his broad chest, you hum sadly. “I’m not gonna lie, I was really unhappy, Seb. People would comment online about how sweet you were to take a fat girl to a movie premiere. And the more parties or screenings or other events we attended, the more people would chime in and voice their surprise that you, Sebastian Stan, are still in love with me even though I’m fat.”

“I’m so sorry, baby.” His lips press a chaste kiss to your temple. “I’m so sorry. I can’t apologise enough.”

“It’s not your fault I got fat shamed on the internet, Sebastian.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I should’ve stood up for you…”

“You did defend me, Seb, but the damage had already been done. The worlds keeps on turning, spitting hateful comments at whoever wants to hear them. I was so close to depression I just – I just had to take a step back from everything. But I’m better now. I want you back, Sebastian, but we have to make some changes. Otherwise we’re going to get caught in a hurricane again.”

Sebastian doesn’t believe his ears. “I’ll do anything you ask of me. I will take care of you, I miss you so much. I miss having you around. I miss you so much every single time I lay my eyes on our photo wall. I can’t live without you.”

“We have to communicate more and better,” you state frankly, your voice very clear about what you want and don’t want. “We keep a low profile. No accidental videos posted on Instagram of the two of us. I still can’t believe the whole world saw me do a kissy face.”

“The whole world didn’t see you do a kissy face,” Seb chuckles playfully with a wink. “If the whole world saw you do a kissy face, then the whole world saw just how much I love you.”

“Sebastian…,” you whine quietly at his attempt to light that same flame again. But the wildfire between you never really died down because this kind of love cannot be contained.

“We’ll talk more. We’ll talk every day until you’re sick and tired of my voice. No more impromptu Instagram posts. Like I said, Y/N, I will do anything and everything. I love you.”

You know he means it and as you look into his eyes, you have to admit to yourself it’ll always be Sebastian, no matter what he looks like. “How long are you supposed to keep the blond hair?”

“Not that long anymore. Filming is almost over. Why?”

You run a hand through his hair, chuckling at the golden shine. “It’s just – it makes you look younger.”

His chest rumbles with hearty laughter. “I’m 35, love. That’s still young.” During a short pause, Seb pulls you on top of him, his arms tightly around your waist. “But old enough to make a serious commitment.”

“What do you mean?,” you pipe up as your brows knit together in thought, your lips pecking the tip of his nose as your mind mulls over his intentions.

“Y/N,” the actor exhales with a nervous chuckle, eyeing the woman in his arms lovingly, “Please move back in with me.”

Tagging: @avengerofyourheart @a-little-hell-to-raise @marvelingatthewonder @mrshopkirk @hardcorehippos @knittingknerdy @winterboobaer @italwaysendsinafightt @viollettes @hymnofthevalkyrie @feelmyroarrrr @justareader @austinamelio @volklana @howlingbarnes @themcuhasruinedme @theoneandonlysaucymo @caplansteverogers @amrita31199 @emilyevanston @minervaem @howlingbarnes @buchananbarnestrash @youandb @you-and-bucky @fvckingsteverogers @thatawkwardtinyperson @barnes-heaven @that-sokovian-bastard @abovethesmokestacks @marvelrevival @marvel-fanfiction @justanotherbuckydevotee @barnes-heaven @heartmade-writingbucky @buckyywiththegoodhair @captnbarnesrogers @its-not-a-phase-hux @melconnor2007 @ivvitm1109 @toofuckinfabulous @ailynalonso15 @hollycornish @delicatecapnerd @camigt1999 @learisa @curlyexpat @palaiasaurus64 @fanndas-snow-goddess @crisssivonne @yourenotrogers @tomhollandzs @supernaturaldean65 @beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep @aletheladyinred @sniktlogan @xbergiex @reniescarlett @promarvelfangirl @capbuckybuchanan @lovemarvelousfics @yknott81 @rrwilson66 @pegasusdragontiger @salty-holographic-stickers @sammyissassy @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @kudosia @bellejeunefillesansmerci @lumelgy @mizzzpink @southernbellestatues @daringtodreamawake @neurotic-narwhal @cokamarie24 @blue1928 @movingonto-betterthings @breezy1415 @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @jesspfly @weenie-butt @debzybrazy @fuckingchaotic  @always-an-evans-addict @petersunderroos  @thegreentgirl @nedthegay @eve1978

Tag list for all plus size stories: @suz-123 @kiwi71281 @whatisaheroanyway @ilovebeingjoyful @veronicalei @meganlane84 @thescarsweleave @isaxhorror @pleasantdreamqueen @georgiadean37 @revlismoriarty @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @evyiione @salamander-falls @taylorjacksonandtheolympians @jughead-wuz-here @jasmineladjevardi @sonofadeanwinchester @3dsaunt @marvel-at-bucky @nothin-after-79 @sexy-sea-basss @shesmade0fcandy @wtfisalltherandoms @mrs-dr-strange @disneymarina @secondsandstars @brandybucky @metal-armed-dino@amethyst09 @sydsmut @princess76179 @marvelsdaughter @spideynygma  @beautifulbri26 @allyp1023

[icharchivist]

LAVEN PLS

SEND ME A SHIP OR CHARACTER AND I’LL TELL YOU WHAT SONG(S) I ASSOCIATE WITH THEM!

m an the Laven stuff, it’s been a while!!!

I’ll do my best!

Edit: 1/04/2019: Revamped it with new songs  too o/

under cut soo i can add some later:

Nearly Witches (Ever Since we Met) - Panic! At the Disco

How does a heart love, if no one has noticed its presence And where does it go? Trembling hands play my heart like a drum, But the beat’s gotten lost in the showYou have set your heart  on haunting me Forever from the start, It’s never silent

Crooked Kind - Radical Face

So, collect your scars and wear ‘em well,Your blood’s a good an ink as any.Go scratch your name into the cloudsAnd pull ‘em all… down.The thunder plays it’s drumThe air is heavy with the smell of stormsAnd I sit beside my brother and I feel him shakeAs he laughs himself right back to sleepAnd I’m laughin’ with him, but I smell their bloodMy finger’s trace their faces in the woodI hear their voices somewhere in my bonesI feel them sing along when I’m aloneWhen I’m not too frightened that is when I know

Beautiful Words - The Afters

Have we been running round in circles, Missing all that we could beYou say it’s not too lateWe are words, on pages that we’ve left unturnedAn ending no one’s ever heardWe are a story slowly unfolding, Beautiful words(…) And you could melt away this winterNow we’re starting over, We will see it’s not too lateThat last when everything else has passedEven when the stars are goneI know every single beautiful word that we were will live on

Wicked Game - Chris Isaak

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do.I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you.And I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you.No, I don’t want to fall in love(this girl is only gonna break your heart) with youWhat a wicked game you play to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do to make me dream of you (…)No, I wanna fall in love with you

Wash it all Away - Hypnogaja

I’m trying to find my way, But every direction looks the sameUnmasking all my fears, Have I been lost for all these years?And I say baby pleaseCan you come down and take away all of the painCan you come down to ease me and wash it all away(…) Dreams die and fade awayBut time will bring another day(…) I hear you call my nameBut will you hear me when I say?

Golden Days - Panic! At the Disco

Oh don’t you wonder when the light begins to fade?And the clock just makes the colors turn to greyForever younger growing older just the sameAll the memories that we make will never changeWe’ll stay drunk, we’ll stay tan, let the love remainAnd I swear that I’ll always paint you Golden days!Time can never break your heartBut It’ll take the pain awayRight now our future’s certainI won’t let it fade away

Samson - Regina Spektor

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truthI have to go, I have to goYour hair was long when we first metSamson went back to bedNot much hair left on his headHe ate a slice of wonder bread, and went right back to bedAnd history books forgot about us and the Bible didn’t mention usAnd the Bible didn’t mention us, not even onceYou are my sweetest downfallI loved you first, I loved you firstBeneath the stars came fallin’ on our headsBut they’re just old light, they’re just old lightYour hair was long when we first met

Venus - Sleeping At Last

At first I thought you were a constellation.I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation:You’re as beautiful as endless,You’re the universe I’m helpless in.An astronomer at my bestWhen I throw away the measurements.Like a telescope, I will pull you so close, 'til no space lies in between.And suddenly I see you.I was a billion little pieces, 'til you pulled me into focus.Astronomy in reverse, It was me who was discovered.

Neptune - Sleeping at Last

I’m only honest when it rainsIf I time it right, the thunder breaksWhen I open my mouth, I wanna tell you but I don’t know howI’m only honest when it rainsAn open book, with a torn out page and my inks run outI wanna love you but I don’t know how

I Found - Amber Run

And I’ll use you as focal pointSo I don’t lose sight of what I wantAnd I’ve moved further than I thought I couldBut I miss you more than I thought I wouldOh I’ll use you as a warning signThat if you talk enough sense, then you’ll lose your mindAnd I found love where it wasn’t supposed to beRight in front of me, talk some sense to me

Slow and Steady - Sleeping At Last

we’ve learned to brace for the worstand to read the last pages first, surrender feels safe.but we can’t dream when we’re wide awake or fall in love with a heart too strong to break.(…) faith is expensive to taste, and time is borrowed loose change that’s already been spent. maybe the soul is the tone of voice that unearthed the words that we needed…

Help - Hurts

‘Cause I know what I’ve been missingAnd I know that I should tryBut there’s hope in this admissionAnd there’s freedom in your eyes(..) But when I hear you call my nameI whisper the word that I never thought I’d ever say(..)I can feel the darkness comingAnd I’m afraid of myselfCall my name and I’ll come running‘Cause I just need some help

Junior - Stateless

You say that these are nothing more than wordsBut they’re all words from old songs (..)All this talk of war is it everydayHatred resides in a fitful mind and I don’t want to live that wayYou leave between the stepping stones of life, Be careful not to slip nowYou’re too young to dieYour blood is full of energy, There’s fire in your eyesBut these people aren’t your enemy. The truth gets disguised All this talk of war is it everydayNow it’s raging inside, and the bullets are flyingCan’t find a good enough reason why(…)Don’t make your mind a prison cell 

Like the Dawn - The Oh Hello’s

And like the dawn you broke the dark and my whole earth shook(…)You were the brightest shade of sun I had ever seenYour skin was gilded with the gold of the richest kingsAnd like the dawn you woke the world inside of meYou were the brightest shade of sun when I saw youAt last, and you will surely be the death of meBut how could I have known?

All I Need - Within Temptation

I’m here on the edge again, I wish I could let it goI know that I’m only one step away from turning it aroundCan you still see the heart of me?All my agony fades away when you hold me in your embraceDon’t tear me down for all I need, Make my heart a better placeGive me something I can believeDon’t tear it down, what’s left of me, Make my heart a better placeI tried many times but nothing was realMake it fade away, don’t break me downI want to believe that this is for realSave me from my fear, Don’t tear me down

Faster - Within Temptation

I can’t see, cause it’s burning deep inside. Like gasoline, a fire running wild.No more fear, cause I’m getting closer now. So unreal, but I like it anyhow. (..) And I go faster and faster and faster and faster for love.And I can’t live in a fairytale of lies.I can feel that you’ve mesmerized my heart.I feel so free. I’m alive, I’m breaking out.I won’t give in, cause I’m proud of all my scars.And I can see I’ve been wasting too much time.

Utopia - Within Temptation

The burning desire to live and roam freeIt shines in the dark and it grows within meYou’re holding my hand but you don’t understandSo where I am going you won’t be in the endI’m dreamin’ in colours, of getting the chanceDreamin’ of trying the perfect romanceThe search of the door to open your mindIn search of the cure of mankind(…) Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia?How will the lights die down, telling us who we are?I’m searching for answers not given for freeThey’re hurting inside is there life within meYou’re holding my hand but you don’t understandSo you’re taking the road all alone in the end

Salvation - Skillet

All alone, lost in this abyss, crawling in the darkNothing to wet my longing lips, And I wonder where you areAre you far? will you come to my rescue?Am I left to die? but I can’t give up on you I feel you keeping me alive, You are my salvationTouch you, taste you, feel you here,I feel you keeping me alive You are my salvation, Hold me, heal me, keep me nearMy heart will burn for you, It’s all I can doBeen out from under who I am, and who I want to beHeld you tightly in my hands, Why are we unraveling?Was it me? will you come to my rescue?Or did I push to far when I turned my back on you?

Fire And Fury - Skillet

If I freeze you are the flame, You melt my heart, I washed in your rain, I know You’ll always have the best of me Destiny’s got a hold on me, Guess I never knew love like love knows me‘Cause I need to feel you here with meI will burn, I will burn for you, with fire and furyMy heart hurts, my heart hurts for youYour love burns within me, With fire and fury Let it all fall down to dust, Can’t break the two of usWe are the safe in the strength of love, You can stop the aching, 'Cause you’re the one I need

Hold me tight or don’t - Fall Out Boy

I never really feel a thing, I’m just kinda too frozeYou were the only one that even kinda came closeI just pinch myself, No longer comatose, I woke up, no luck(…) This isn’t how our story ends, So hold me tight, or don’tI got too high again, realized I can’t not be with youOr be just your friend, I love you to deathBut I just can’t, I just can’t pretend We were lovers firstConfidants but never friends, Were we ever friends?

I Walk The Line - Halsey

I keep a close watch on this heart of mineI keep my eyes wide open all the timeI keep the ends out for the tie that bindsBecause you’re mine, I walk the lineI find it very, very easy to be trueI find myself alone when each day is throughYes, I’ll admit that I’m a fool for youBecause you’re mine, I walk the lineYou’ve got a way to keep me on your sideYou give me cause for love that I can’t hideFor you I know I’d even try to turn the tide

My Indigo - My Indigo

Ink burns on the page, blue to blackBut words are fireproof, can’t take backWhile the memory’s aliveWhen there’s pennies on our eyes, we’ll never restCan we take a second now, To rain down the heavy storm that’s in our chestYou don’t have to love me, There’s one thing you should knowMy love will not unravel, It’s unconditionalEven when the heart won’t let me show, you don’t have to say to let me know

Say (All I Need) - OneRepublic

Do you know where your heart is? Do you think you can find it?Did you trade it for something, somewhere, better just to have it?Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it?You felt it so strong but nothings Turned out how you want itWell bless my soul, You’re a lonely soulCause you wont let go, Of anything you holdWell all I need is the air I breathe, And a place to rest my headDo you know what your fate is? And are you trying to shake it?You’re doing your best and your best lookYou’re praying that you’ll make it

Ghost Town - Radical Face

I seen more places than I can nameAnd over time they all start to look the sameBut it ain’t that truth we chase, No, it’s the promise of a better placeBut all this time, I been chasin’ down a lie, and I know it for what it isBut it beats the alternatives, So I’ll take the lieI still miss you, There’s no goin’ home with a name like mineI still dream of you, But everyone knowsIf you can, let it go

That was harder than expected @.@ but I hope you like it ❤

Take care!

[cvmisado]

ryden fic rec list

ahh so over the years i have read some AMAZING ryden fics…and some not so amazing ones. here, my dear friends, is a masterpost of some ryden fics that are definitely worth reading. make sure to read the warnings that the links give before reading please!! (there are 41 as of now, i update it like once a month)

 ♡ = favorite

one shots:

1. Falling is Like This: So, Brendon is madly in love with a boy from the candy shop. The boy from the candy shop. There’s only one. 

“I bet he’s sweet,” Pete cracks, and Brendon rolls his eyes and groans.

ryan is so cute in this. and the story line is so fluffy and adorable i mean,, c’mon. 4,571 words.

2. let the good times roll: A college/barista AU. 

ryan’s kinda obsessed with fall out boy. i love how this ends. also slight joncer. 3,650 words. 

♡ 3. Love, Sex, and Parachutes: Spencer owns Decaydance Skydiving and employs many of the bandom boys. 

this fic is kinda like the office and it’s so funny and i love it okay just read it. lots of ships. 3,847 words.

4. Purple Is Not A Christmas Color: KID!FIC Brendon has a problem with the fact that Santa put Ryan on the Naughty List.

i live for kid fics and this one is no exception. so fluffy. 5,657 words.

♡ 5. If I were stalking you then I’d know your favourite cookie flavour (Oatmeal Raisin, by the way): Spencer’s a video game addict, Jon’s kind of an ass, Brendon’s in Fall Out Boy and Ryan, uh, well he has a stalker.

ryan and jon work in a coffee shop. brendon’s kinda creepy but he has good intentions. trust me, it’s good. 6,011 words.

6. Sleepover Princes vs. Goodnight Girls: Ryan totally has a thing for Pete Wentz. Brendon should be happy for him, right? 

ryan’s a slick motherfucker and brendon’s a jealous one. 5,487 words.

♡ 7. Love In A Letterbox: AU. He’s always found a sanctuary in books, a protection almost. A world of your own where no one else can change things you don’t want to be changed.

so deep and well written. really cute library au. 6,007 words.

8. From A Pretty Mouth: “Are you wearing lip gloss?” Spencer asked as he passed by the two boys right when Brendon pursed his lips in the mirror. “Damn right I am!” Brendon exclaimed, and grinned at the drummer.  “It tastes like strawberries.”

ryan has a brendon’s lips kink. hot make outs. really short though, 2,000 words.

♡ 9. This Is Halloween: Brendon turns into a four-year-old just before Halloween.

the CUTEST. baby bren is so so great and has a lisp when saying spencer’s name. 2,981 words.

10. Candyboy: There is an urban legend about how a boy can get the most spectacular and orgasmic kiss of his life, if he dares to try it. 

this fic is pretty hot with an interesting story line. i’m pretty sure it’s a crack fic. 1,700 words.

11. Like A Magic 8 Ball, But You Can Only Ask One Question: Jon has the power to know whether someone’s gay or straight or somewhere in between.

jon saved everyone’s lives. just like irl. 3,689 words

♡ 12. Every Night You Stay: It wasn’t Ryan’s fault that Brendon had, apparently, taken everything he said to heart and decided to make Jon his new best friend and secret boyfriend. 

ryan is so weird, jealous, and hilarious in this. i felt so bad for jon hfshjfsdj. it’s by one of my fav authors. 5,342 words.

♡ 13. Best Laid Plans: Brendon had a three-step plan to make Ryan Ross fall in love with him. He didn’t write it down or anything (and if he did, the tiny, shredded pieces of paper were scattered across some highway between Wisconsin and Indiana, so no one could prove it), but it was a very specific plan. 

THIS IS HILARIOUS. i love this fic sossoso much cause brendon tries so damn hard to get ryan. featuring octopuses playing pianos (it’s not crack i promise) 4,600 words.

♡ 14. The Theory of Infatuation: Brendon’s the drama geek with the voice of an angel, and Ryan’s the socially crippled boy on the newspaper staff who loves him.

o!!!!m!!g!!!!!!!! the perfect high school au, ryan is too cute for his own good.  5,896 words. 

long fics:

♡ 1. Eccentric Times At Barrington High: The Office/High School AU: For some odd reason, a documentary company decides to document the daily lives and struggles of the teachers and students of Barrington High.

(OR: Music teacher Patrick Stump is hopelessly in love with his best friend trademark emo English teacher Pete Wentz, valedictorian William Beckett may or may not have had sex with the new Spanish teacher Gabe Saporta over his summer break in Jersey, pretentious and Coldplay-addicted Ryan Ross hates the lively and optimistic music teacher Brendon Urie, and more scandalous and weird things happen)

oh. my. god. this fic made me laugh so hard. mikey way is kind of an asshole and the description isn’t exaggerating when stating “Coldplay addicted Ryan Ross” because he honestly is. I’m pretty sure he fantasizes about Chris Martin on a daily basis. tyler and josh are the camera men. oh yeah, and halsey is in it. they are teachers except the tai guys and halsey. 75,032 words. 

2. Two Weeks In Hawaii: After being left at the alter the night before his wedding to Pete-fucking-Wentz, Ryan cashes in his honeymoon tickets to Hawaii where he finds that maybe not all men are complete assholes. – features pretty much every relationship ever, tons of characters, a bunch of relationships, and more butthurt and angst than any one story should. 

william is so great in this story. brendon’s such a sweetheart too. the beginning is so sad. i may have hated pete wentz for three days after reading this fic. lots of drama and angst. 112,075 words.

♡ 3. Two Vatos Locos Full of Carnalismo and Inamoratos: You dream with your soulmate. That’s how you learn who you’re meant to spend the rest of forever with. It’s simple, really, almost too easy. There’s no struggle unless your soulmate lives miles upon miles away. At least, that’s what usually happens. At first, Ryan thinks he’s sick. That he’s messed up or broken– maybe that’s why he didn’t dream with his soulmate for so long. But then he does, and fuck. Of course his soulmate is a fucking trauma case.

WARNING: WILL FUCK YOU UP. i’m not even exaggerating. it’s so angsty and sad and perfect and i love it so much. also, please read the tags before deciding to read this fic. some include: abuse, alcohol, suicide attempt(s). this isn’t the full thing so please take care and read the tags. 207,878 words.

♡ 4. Our Eyes Shine the Brightest When Our Faces Are Covered in Dirt (sequel to Two Vatos…): “Life isn’t a Disney Movie, and the world isn’t that generous. Sometimes, a story ends with an unsatisfying fade to black, and that’s all you have.”

Ryan struggles to teach his students this after taking a university teaching job to distract himself from his absent soulmate and his dying friend at home. He begins wonders if the ring on his finger means anything at all to Brendon.

read Two Vatos before reading this one. this may be even more sad and angsty, if that’s even possible. i cried a lot while reading this & the prequel. keep tissues handy. 104,062 words.

5. The One Thing I Never Expected: Ryan is Brendon’s best friend, they grew up together. But Ryan is different. An accident when he was a child left him deaf. Brendon has always taken care of Ryan, but now he’s starting to care for Ryan in a different way.

this is one of my all time favs. there’s a rape, suicide, and alcohol mentions. this is so cute and yes, they do have sex eventually. high school au. 91,000 words.

6. Star Shaped: Brendon’s not having the best holidays season ever.

you may want to read Forever, Now before reading this fic for it to make more sense. it isn’t ryden, but the story will make more sense if you do. 54,593 words.

7. Brilliant Smiles and Barely Scraping By: Brendon’s holding something inside of himself. It’s far from his heart; that’s where his favorite songs are kept. What he keeps secret is held in a place that Brendon himself doesn’t even want to try to find.

If Brendon couldn’t fight battles, Ryan was more than ready to fight for him

so so sad and worth reading. highschool au. there’s mentions of abuse and is quite angsty. this fic made me really angry. 73,600 words.

♡ 8. Rock Band Is (Not) A Synonym For Love: A mall AU. Pete’s head over heels for an oblivious Patrick, Gerard’s running out of ways to tell Frank he won’t date him, Ryan’s successfully trying to ignore his feelings for Brendon, and Spencer’s trying to make ends meet even as he slowly falls for Jon. On top of all that the big mall celebration is coming up and there’s all kinds of trouble keeping everyone on their toes.

so so cute. all your fav ships in one: peterick, frerard, joncer, and ofc ryden. pretty funny as well. 45,000 words.

9. Freaks: An accident lands Ryan in the hospital, and he meets Jon, who tells him of a mysterious patient on their floor.  There’s something not quite right about him, but then again, there’s something not quite right about Ryan as well.

ryan is so self concious and kinda an ass. jon & spencer are the best. 46,000 words.

10.  I Don’t Have a Library Card… But I’d Love to Check You Out: AU college. Brendon is close to flunking out of college, and his roommate and partner in crime, Jon, is not helping. He seeks refuge in the school’s library and finds a little more than a place to study. This is a story about finding love, taking chances, and being true to one’s self. 

ryan is adorable and sarah may seem like an ass at first, but she’s not. oh, spencer and sarah are siblings. 46,500 words.

♡ 11. How To Kill A Straight Guy: “Have fun eating your once-living flesh! I’ll be in here masturbating to girl magazines I got from my pot-smoking friends!”

the summary above is just for the first chapter. this fic is AMAZING and soooo much angst. it’s unbelievable. you will probably end up crying. it has a kind of sad ending, just warning you. 75,766 words. 

fics that are too long to be one shots, but too short for the long fics:

♡ 1. Just A Dash Of Fairy-maldehyde:  Brendon had never expected to even meet a real nymph, let alone fall for one.

so so so cute!!!!!!!!!!!! the story line sounds weird, but honestly it’s not at all?? the author totally works it. ryan is flustered so easily and it’s adorable. it’s written by the lovely @buttercupross give her a follow and check out her writing! it’s amazing, and so is she. 14,914 words. 

♡ 2. What We Invented: Now Brendon really doesn’t mind having boys in his bed, especially pretty ones and the one currently occupying his sheets seems quite pretty. It’s just…he likes to know who the boys in his bed are and he has absolutely no idea who this boy is.

ryan is so strange in this but it’s a good strange so it’s okay. the joncer is also so cute like? bill beckett is ryan’s roommate. 7,411 words. 

3. Let Me Down, Charlie Brown or How Jon Walker Saved Christmas:  Christmas time at the mall sucks, especially for those who work there. Brendon has given up on Christmas, Ryan is uptight, and Jon just wants to help. 

pete dresses up in a santa costume and patrick is in an elf one. brendon works in a pet shop and spencer always somehow always knows shit. 13,239 words.

4. Love in Bloom: Ryan Ross is a normal boy who struggles with his past. Can one rose seller at the side of the road help Ryan remember the past while still living in the present?

i’m pretty sure i had a revelation while reading this. i remember crying after reading this. a lot. 12,000 words. 

5. The Interpretation of Dreams: “I think something’s wrong with me,” Brendon tried to explain. “I basically have dreams so great that they kind of make real life pale in comparison. But not so great that I can tell the difference when I dream.” “And this… is a problem?” Spencer looked skeptical.

this fic was also really sad. very well written. so much pent up emotion. 20,000 words. 

6.  The Laundromat: Ryan doesn’t want to know the names of the people who come into the Laundromat. He doesn’t want to know what makes Tattoo Guy talk to Guy Who Never Showers. He doesn’t, but a new customer might just undermine all the work he’s done to distance himself from the world.

ryan’s names for people are pretty funny. features joncer, frerard, gabilliam, and peterick. 20,427 words. 

7. Silver Roses: Happiness doesn’t grow on trees - but maybe it grows on rosebushes. 

there’s slight william beckett/jon walker which was a first. spencer is evil. this is kinda a cinderella au. cute. 23,000 words. 

8. Brendon Urie: Pet Detective: Ryan Ross is the new kennel attendant at Thompson & Thompson Vet Clinic. When he meets his co-worker, Jon Walker, they begin to discover dogs disappearing from their kennels. When Ryan’s own dog, Hobo, goes missing, Jon Walker knows exactly who to call.

i almost gasped out loud when i found out who took hobo. pretty creative. 18,000 words.

♡ 9. Just One Of The Girls:  “Spence, I’m. Look, I’m going to prove this girl-thing to you, okay? I’m going to,” he held up his hands, “this is so brilliant, I’m going to become a girl.”

pretty hilarious. ryan turns into a girl. vicky t is amazing. 20,830 words. 

♡ 10. Every Speck of Dust Illuminated: “Z Berg.” Brendon pauses dramatically for effect. “Is a witch.”

Jon drags a spoon through the foam to draw a four leaf clover, complete with stem. Brendon admires it for a second.

“Brendon,” Jon sighs. “I know you don’t like that Ryan is spending so much time with her, but you don’t get to go around saying shit about people.”

Spine stiffening, Brendon responds as levelly as he can manage, “This has nothing to do with Ryan. Well, besides the fact that he’s hanging out with a witch.” 

Elizabeth Ann Berg is a witch. (and there is Charlotte the cat, Ryan the oblivious, and Brendon the hopelessly infatuated.)

you need an account for the link to work. it doesn’t take very long to make one and it’s free. but, this fic is pretty good and ryan is an old man. not literally, he just dresses like one. 15,931 words. 

♡ 11. For Whatever You Loose: You can’t always get what you want - unless you fish it out of the ocean.

mermaid au!! brendon and jon are mermaids and ryan and spencer are humans. brendon is so cute. 14,500 words. 

♡ 12. You’re Going to Recycle That, Right?: The one where Ryan is a hippie college environmentalist and Brendon just wants a better music auditorium. Featuring Ryan Ross chaining himself to a tree.

ryan is pretty hilarious and smokes a lot of pot with jon. the ending is really cute. 10,600 words.

13. Because You Looks Like A Jackass: Apartment AU! Basically: Brendon’s just moved into town. He courts Ryan Ross with flowery words and also a coat rack. He falls flat on his face. 

brendon is honestly so weird in this but it’s kind of endearing and cute. 7,600 words.

♡ 14. Serenade In Blue: Brendon makes Ryan stupid.

brendon likes ryan and ryan likes brendon but they both have no idea. ryan acts really weird when brendon is around and even more when he’s singing, it’s hilarious. z berg is the greatest. 8,013 words.   

♡ 15. This Happy Ending’s Just Beginning: The Disneyland parade has evolved into an all-singing, all-dancing extravaganza and Brendon wants to be part of it. Unfortunately there aren’t a lot of opportunities for the guy who sells knick-knacks by the park gates. Enter Ryan, the parade’s current star attraction, who might just have a plan to get Brendon everything he always wanted.

disney au!! my heart melted. spencer hates everyone, overall really amazing. 28,348 words.

  16. You Got A Crew? (I Got A Crew Too): AU. Every June, in the world of Las Vegas hair care, it’s all about one thing: the Annual Services Survey. Can struggling hairdresser Brendon Urie and his coworkers finally win over rival salon Cobra Starship? Shenanigans ensue as they battle it out, all while Brendon struggles to keep his eye on the prize—and away from that cute but prickly reporter.

i kept avoiding this fic for some reason? i wish i hadn’t though, it’s hilarious and the pranks are hysterical. one of my favorites. 24,000 words.

here, my friends are 41 of really good ryden fics totally worth your time. if you ever have any questions, don’t be afraid to hit up my ask box. oh, and i apologize for the sucky descriptions, i’m not good at summaries. i tried including fics that i haven’t seen everywhere, so that you can get some new fics. please let me know if the links aren’t working.

make sure to take care of yourselves and read the warnings that the links give before reading. happy reading!

[useyourrwords]

Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

Christmas is officially done and dusted and honestly, I am so fucking thankful. 

I loved Christmas day but the days leading up to Christmas? I’m good thanks, can I get Christmas without them next year?

Between the chaos that is Christmas and the extra shifts at work (plus a month-long convoluted promotion) and no longer having a best friend, because of course, I am ready to disappear for at least a year.

Sadly I can’t do that so here we are to discuss my month!

December

        Month’s TBR

I didn’t set one!

     Read

│Lady Mary│Lucy Worsley │

│

│★★★│Read Dec 18│

│ This was fine??? A little boring, but I actually didn’t mind the MC and was surprised that I got through it? Maybe only having to read it in 30 minutes spurts while I was exercising did this book, and me, a favour. 

│The Monsters We Deserve│Marcus Sedgewick │

│

│★★★│Read Dec 27│ This was confusing but I liked it??? Convinced me to read Frankenstein though!

Book of the Month

│To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before│To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│★★★★│Read Dec 26│

│ This was so stinking cute! I think I might like the film a little better but this was still a very good read and I look forward to the rest of the books in the series! 

Look at all those books.

Listen, December was tough, take pity on me, please.

│December│ARC: 2│Owned: 1│Library Loans: 0│Reread: 0│Diversity: 2/3│Average Rating: 3.5★’s│

     Haul

I was too busy to buy books!

       Film & TV

Month’s TBW

│Charmed│Season 1│

│

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4│

│

│Boy Erased│

│

│Robin Hood│

│

│Widows│

│

│The Grinch│

│

│Wreck-It Ralph│

│

│Ralph Breaks the Internet│

│

│Elf│

│

│How The Grinch Stole Christmas│

│

│Ratatouille│

│

│Buzzfeed Unsolved│

│

I actually got through Charmed very quickly and I have no idea how???

All Stars 4 has only just started but I’m already up to date!

I kind of watched Wreck-It Ralph and by kind of I put it on and sort of paid attention. Oops.

I was planning on seeing Ralph breaks the internet with my nephews but they want to see Bumblebee instead so I guess I’ll watch it next month!

I didn’t watch Ratatouille because I didn’t end up having a movie day with my (now ex?) best friend.

And I don’t think I’ve watched any Buzzfeed Unsolved but I don’t think there has been any new episodes?

     Watched

│Charmed│Season 1│

│1998│

Constance M. Burge│

Holly Marie Combs, Alyssa Milano, Brian Krause│★★★★│ Fave Sister: Isn’t everyone’s Phoebe?? So much nostalgia attached to this series! I loved it!

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4│

│2012│

 RuPaul│

RuPaul, Michelle Visage│★★★★│ Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan. I am living.

│Boy Erased│

│2018│

Joel Edgerton│

Lucas Hedges, Nicole Kidman, Joel Edgerton│★★★★│ Fave Character: Gary & Cameron This was soooo good and I cried.

│Robin Hood│

│2018│

 Otto Bathurst│

 Taron Egerton, Jamie Foxx, Ben Mendelsohn │★★★★│ Fave Part: I loved all of it!  I kind of wasn’t expecting what I got from this?? But I loved it. Big on revolution and I was all for it.

│Widows│

│2018│

Steve McQueen│

Viola Davis, Michelle Rodriguez, Elizabeth Debicki│★★│ Fave Character: Veronica: [to her gang] Now the best thing we have going for us, is being who we are. Alice: Why ? Veronica: Because no-one thinks we have the balls to pull this off. I hated it. That’s harsh, I didn’t hate it. I was just confused literally the whole time.

│The Grinch│

│2018│

Yarrow Cheney, Scott Mosier│

Benedict Cumberbatch, Cameron Seely, Rashida Jones│★★★★│ Fave Character: Cindy-Lou I went and saw this with my sister and it was good, not How The Grinch Stole Christmas good but still alright.

│Wreck-It Ralph│

│2012│

Rich Moore│

John C. Reilly, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch│★★★│ Fave Character: Vanellope I put this on for me and mum to watch and neither of us paid any attention. Sometimes we’re just not in the right head space for a movie.

│Elf│

│2003│

Jon Favreau│

Will Ferrell, James Caan, Bob Newhart│★★★★│ Fave Scene: When Buddy eats the cotton balls.   I watched this with my sister for the first time and I really enjoyed it!

│How The Grinch Stole Christmas│

│2000│

Ron Howard│

Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Kelley│★★★★★│ Fave Part: All of it.  The ultimate Christmas movie, fight me about it. I watch it every year and this year I watched it with my sister!

│Hannibal│Season 1│

│2013│

 Bryan Fuller│

 Hugh Dancy, Mads Mikkelsen, Caroline Dhavernas│★★★★│ Fave Part: That everyone is unknowingly eating human meat.  I’m really enjoying this so far! 

│The Holiday│

│2006│

 Nancy Meyers│

Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jude Law │★★★★│ Fave Line: “You’re supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for God’s sake!” I forgot how much I like this movie! 

│Bumblebee│

│2008│

Travis Knight│

Hailee Steinfeld, Jorge Lendeborg Jr., John Cena │?│ I’m also seeing Bumblebee tomorrow but this is going up early so I’ve got no star rating yet.

     Youtube

│Meghan Rienks│

│★★★★★│ Fave Video: YULE LOG ∙| baking with meghan |∙ BAKEMAS DAY 1 I stan one (1) ADHD baking blonde. 

│Lily Marston│

│★★★★★│ Fave Video: Dressing Up As Each Other ft. KELSEY DARRAGH Since the whole Defy Media debacle, I’ve been watching a lot of the old hosts’ videos to support them! I’ve always really loved Lily and her laid-back attitude and disaster vibes.

     Music

│Camila Cabello│She Loves Control│Consequences│Into It│Something’s Gotta Give│Inside Out│In the Dark│

│Madison Beer│Say It To My Face│Dead│HeartLess│Hurts Like Hell (Feat. Offset)│

│Halsey│Without Me│

│Little Mix│Joan of Arc│Monster in Me│

│The Greatest Showman Reimagined│Never Enough (Kelly Clarkson)│This Is Me (Kesha)│Rewrite the Stars (James Arthur & Anne-Marie)│

     Podcasts

│My Favorite Murder│

 Karen Kilgariff, Georgia Hardstark│★★★★★│ Fave Quotes: “The devil made me do bad math”, “All I wanna talk about at parties is horrible, terrible things”, “He’s polite, he’s charming, and he’s calm, just like any good psychopath would be”, “It’s always raining inside of me” Fave Episode: Of recent, 145 – Live at the Mircosoft Theater in Los Angeles. They did a show for 7000 people for Halloween! Uhhhh Guys they had Cameron Britton AKA Mindhunter’s Ed Kemper on to tell his Hometown on the Halloween Live Show!!!!!

│Unsung Sluts│

 Stacie Rasmussen, Tabitha Davis│★★★★★│ Fave Quote: “If you can’t beat them, lead them.” Fave Episode: Episode 12 – Witches and Banshees

│History is Gay│

 Gretchen Ellis, Leigh Pfeffer│★★★★★│ Fave episode: Episode 8: Nazi Punks F**k Off, Pt 1: Magnus Hirschfeld & Episode 17: He’s a Real Wilde One (Oscar Wilde)

│Do You Need a Ride│

 Karen Kilgariss, Chris Fairbanks│★★★★☆│ This is a new one I’ve just started listening to and so far so good!

│88 Cups of Tea│

 Yin Chang│★★★★☆│ Fave part: Learning that Victoria Schwab is a top shelf gay. Fave Episode: V.E. SCHWAB: Bonus Full Episode Guys that episode is over three hours long! This podcast is for every author ever, aspiring or otherwise! 

     Use Your Words Highlights

Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

Bookish Bits // Library Love – 2018

Grey Watches // Give Jim Cary or Nothing – How The Grinch Stole Christmas

Grey Watches // I Love Stupid Funny – Elf

Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

     Blogosphere Highlights

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│ANNOUNCEMENT: LATE-A-THON!│

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│Booknerd Wednesday: My Holiday Wishlist!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│THE LEGACIES WE CHOOSE TO LEAVE│

│Jamieson @ Jamishelves│T5W: BOOKS TO GIVE TO SAGITTARIUS PEOPLE│

│Aurora @ Aurora Librialis│The Most Beautiful Books of 2018 │

│Swetlana @ The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│Bloggers Recommend Their Favorite Books Part 1 // Blogmas Day 8│Bloggers Recommend Their Favorite Books Part 2 // Blogmas Day 17│Reacting To Popular Books You Guys Won’t Read // Blogmas Day 19│

│Marija @ Inside My Library Mind│The Ultimate Character Reading List feat. Blogging Friends│Character Reading Lists│Arya Stark’s Reading List│Hermione Granger’s Reading List│Nina Zenik’s Reading List│Ronan Lynch’s Reading List│

│Vicky @ Vicky Who Reads│The Double Standard Applied to POC in the Book Community│Favorite Feel-Good Reads, Why They’re Important, & Life Updates!│

│May @ Forever and Everly│To All the Books that Emotionally Wrecked Me This Year & Why I Cried Over More Books in 2018 than Ever Before│

│Taryn @ Taryn and Her Books│ON CONSUMERISM IN THE BOOK COMMUNITY & MY 2019 BUYING BAN | DISCUSSION│

│Ashley @ The Infinite Library│Let’s Talk: About Sex, Baby…in YA Fiction (Part 1)│

│Sofia @Bookish Wandress│6 Diverse YA Contemporaries That You Should Read: 2018 Edition│

│Natasha @Sapphic Solace│Discussion: The I realised I Was Queer Because of You Trope, Why I Love It, and Some of My Favourite Examples│

│Lily @ Sprinkle of Dreams│Bookish Musings & Discussion Time // “How Objective are ARC Reviews?” by Vicky Who Reads│

Month’s Goals

 Try and post 4 times a week like I have been!

 I wanna try audiobooks again???

 No Borrowing library books unless they’re holds or audiobooks

 Continue going on walks 4-5 times a week. 3 at the very least!

 Keep up with Bullet Journal because it actually helps me get shit done and be less of a mess.

 Try not to eat loads of takeaway, even though I’m gonna be super busy and tired, unless unavoidable.

 Make one of Chrissy Teigen’s recipes because they look Bomb af

I mostly kept up with my blogging schedule!

I didn’t find an audiobook I wanted to read available from my library so I just didn’t listen to any. Plus I’m annoyed at myself because Audible had like a 3 months free trial thing happening and I forgot to sign up until the day after the promotion ended. Also from what I hear the American Audible is better so I don’t know if maybe I should sign up for that one?? I know when I was signed up, I was with the UK one because it was better but I don’t know if they let you do that anymore? If anyone can help me I’d really appreciate it! Also, $17 a month is just a lot of month to me.

I haven’t been to the library unless it was to return books!

I realised that the Bullet Journaling gives me too much power! Here’s the thing, I like things to be customisable because I work out what I want and get angry when I can’t do things that way. Unfortunately, I think Bullet Journals are too customisable for me and isn’t really working?? I don’t know. I’m going to look into other diaries for the new year and see if I can find something that fits me better.

I did eat more takeaway than last month so that’s not great but I also didn’t eat more than I used to so that’s good and what I did eat of it were mostly small things. Still not great though!

I’m trying to make @chrissyteigen’s Chicken Pot Pie recipe and I’ve burnt the crust, it’s taking me ages, my arm is sore, everything is in American measurements, I thought I’d get it done in an hour like an idiot who doesn’t read recipes through properly and I wanna die.

— Greyson (@useyourrwords) December 23, 2018

I Did Things

I went to the movies with my mum twice this month!

I also went to the movies with my sister which was good! Then we came home and watched Christmas movies together and things got a little emotional and there was a little miscommunication but we worked it out and I’m hoping that we spend some more time together in the coming weeks.

My sister and I both don’t really have a whole lot of people we’re close to. We’re introverts but we also craving some socialising to a point so I think it’ll be good to have us spend some time together. It would also be nice to grow closer to her because I know we both are in need of people we can trust and talk to openly.

My mum and I babysat my Nephew this month as well and it was so much fun. He’s such an easy baby! Literally you can sit him on the couch and he’ll bounce himself off the back of the lounge for hours. He put himself to sleep doing it. Twice.

He’s very cute!

Uhhhh I Maybe No Longer Have A Best Friend?

Long story short I told my best friend of over 10 years that I was officially and legally changing my name for Christmas (it was never a secret that I wanted to change it, she’s known for years) and she didn’t react well at all.

I was firm and told her that if she wanted to continue in my life she had to respect me, and that includes respecting my name and be prepared for big changes ahead.

I’ve given her space to process and decide but haven’t heard from her since so I don’t know, it’s a bit up in the air but I’m handling it surprisingly well so maybe it’s a sign that us parting is for the best???

I don’t want to lose her, but I won’t lose myself to keep her. I won’t sacrifice pieces of myself for the sake of others anymore. All that does is validate toxic behaviour and cost me my health and happiness.

She was kind of my only actual real-life friend who I speak with outside of work so uh good thing I’m too busy to feel lonely.

But I’m super grateful for the people I’ve met through the book community, having this blog and talking to you all reminds me that I’m not really alone. I just have to reach out to people which is, um…not easy for me but I’m trying to work on it.

I hope y’all had a great month to end 2018 on!

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

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