#AGH. scared. but its okay. its literally fine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

suite43 · 3 years

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(summary: starscream and bumblebee have an argument, and turn to trusted friends for some advice. or: several long and winding paragraphs about love, redemption, and what we are worth. alcohol warning.)

"Be honest with yourself," Starscream sneered. "If we hadn't been forced together, do you really think you'd give a scrap about me?"

"Why does it matter?" Bumblebee shot back.

"Because, Bumblebee, you're wrong. You think you care, you think you're in love with me, but you're not. You were forced to be around someone you hated and you had to find some way to be okay with it because you're a good little autobot and you overcompensated. You're a victim of proximity. We both are. But y'know what? You're free now, so go ahead and run along back to your life and your friends and people you actually give a shit about beyond finding the moral high ground and leave me alone."

"Unbelievable," Bumblebee muttered. "You're unbelievable! Do you know how to do anything except wallow in denial? What is your fucking problem?"

"My problem at the moment is that someone was deluded enough to think he could squeeze millions of years of monstrosity out of me by telling me he loved me."

"Primus, Starscream, if you're not interested just say so! If you're angry, if you're scared, fucking say it! But you don't ever get to tell me how I feel!" Bee was screaming up at Starscream, pain and frustration radiating from him. "I don't know where I'd be if things were different and I. Don't. Care. I like my life, Starscream. Despite everything, I'm happy with it and I'm glad you're in it! Apparently you aren't, and if that's true you can leave! You've always been free to go whenever you fucking feel like it! But you haven't! So pardon me for assuming you had something going on in that thick fucking head of yours!"

"Oh, please-"

"No! Shut up! I'm not done and for once you are going to listen to what I have to say! You try so hard to convince everyone that you've got some black heart, that all you are is violence and malice, and I know that's not true! Whether you want to believe it or not I've seen what you're capable of! I know you, you let me know you, and I decided that I fucking love you and I'm willing to keep loving you even when you're a cruel, stubborn bastard. If you really want to leave, leave! Go! But don't run because you're afraid, or because you think I don't know what I'm getting into."

Starscream didn't say anything, just stewing. Bee tried to collect himself, mentally urging Starscream to just fucking say something.

"You don't know me."

"For fucks sake, Starscream," Bumblebee sighed and decided fuck it and gave into his impulse, pulling Starscream by his collar down into a kiss. He was frustrated and Starscream was caught off-guard, so it was messy and clumsy and awkward, but after a beat Starscream grabbed his helmet and pulled him into it harder and Bee nearly forgot he was ever angry in the first place.

It felt like a million years had passed when they finally pulled apart and Bee let his heels fall back into the ground. Starscream stared down at him, face unreadable.

"Sorry," Bee said, barely even whispering, hands settled on Starscream's chest. "I just. How do I prove to you that I mean it?"

"You can't," Starscream responded, pulling away from Bumblebee's touch. Bee just watched him go.

He sighed. Starscream would be back when he was ready. Or he wouldn't. Either way, Bee would be here.

///

"Are... Are you okay, Starscream?" Thundercracker asked, peeking out the door to the balcony.

"I'm fine."

"Um... Why are you on my roof?"

Starscream was sitting cross-legged on the roof of Thundercracker's apartment, staring off into the distance, one hand held over his mouth in thought, fingers idly tracing his lips as he couldn't drag his mind away from flittering fancies of Bumblebee and kisses and love. Thinking about dozens of late-night conversations and well-meaning gifts of cheap high grade and the way he laughs and the way he looks beautiful even when he's angry and- hm.

"You know about things, don't you, Thundercracker?"

"Most people generally agree the answer to that question is 'no', but. Maybe? What kind of things?"

"What does it feel like to be in love?"

"Oh. That kind of thing. Uh," Thundercracker climbed onto the roof awkwardly, pulling himself up next to Starscream, legs kicking where they dangled off the edge. "You know I don't really mess with all of that, right? Dating and stuff. I don't do it."

"But you know things," Starscream said. "You're better with feelings then anyone else I know."

"Not true," Thundercracker said. "You know Bumblebee!"

"That's exactly the problem, Thunders."

"Oh. Oh." Starscream could almost hear the gears turning in Thundercrackers head as he connected the dots. "Are you in love with Bumblebee?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. If I knew I would know what to do about it and I wouldn't be here asking you for romantic advice now would I?"

"I suppose."

"So then how am I supposed to know?"

"If you're in love?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I've never been in love. I don't know. But, in the movies, it's like... Usually two people kind of get stuck together in some kind of situation, y'know, they meet and they don't really like each other much at first. But then you think about them all the time. And then you keep running into them, and even when you think they're annoying, something about them is still kind of endearing. They make you happy. And then there's some big fight or misunderstanding or somebody gets scared or has to leave and it looks like nothings going to work out, but eventually they decide that they like being around each other enough that it's worth working out whatever they fought about or giving up whatever's keeping them apart, and then, happily ever after, I guess."

"Just like that, huh?"

"Only in the movies. There's no end credits in real life."

"So what happens next, then?"

"I guess just what happens with every other kind of relationship. You keep being happy and working and then fighting and deciding its worth trying again over and over until you give up or somebody dies."

"Unfortunately I don't think death is a viable reprieve for my situation."

"Oh yeah, I guess not. Sorry."

"No, it's okay. He's easier to tolerate when one of us is dead."

"I guess the question, then, should be, is he worth it to you? Are you going to get off the plane to Santa Fe or New York or Chicago and run back to him, or are you gonna go be a well-respected but no-fun businesswoman in the big city forever?"

"What?"

"Sorry, I think I got lost in the metaphor," Thundercracker laughed, a big, booming thing, clumsy and well-meaning and earnest, just like the mech it came from. "Something in there was probably good advice, though. You should ask me things more often."

"I really should," Starscream sighed, leaning over and laying his head in his trinemates lap. Thundercracker didn't stop him, and let one hand fall to rest on Starscream's midsection, just to say I'm here when you need me so Starscream can reply I know, Thank you, I'm sorry by taking that hand in his and squeezing it lightly. They watched the stars twinkle across the horizon as lazy clouds sauntered by, and Starscream started to wonder about what he was worth.

///

Bumblebee trudged into Maccadam's, his normal sunshine dampened by how just miserable and unfair everything seemed. He took his usual spot at the bar and ordered a drink, half as strong as usual so he'd have to spend twice as much money if he wanted to do something stupid, letting his thoughts brew around as he sipped.

"Hey, bigshot! How did it go?" Wheeljack slung his arm around Bee's shoulder, energetic as ever, but Bee just groaned and slammed his head into the bar.

"Terribly."

"Weelllll," Bee could practically feel Wheeljack trying not to say 'I told you so'.

"He's just. Agh!" Bee said. "He was just himself, y'know, determined to be as difficult as possible and allergic to his own happiness. And I yelled at him, which I probably shouldn't have done, and then I kissed him, which I definetly shouldn't have done, and now he's probably never going to even look at me again."

"Well, y'know what they say, fortune favours the bold and all that!" When Bee gave Wheeljack a skeptical, dont-try-to-make-me-feel-better kind of look, Wheeljack just doubled down, squeezing his shoulders. "Seriously, you shot your shot! That's all you can do, and if he didn't want you that's his loss!"

"He was scared, Wheeljack. I know him, I know that that's his fucked up defense mechanism or whatever and I knew he was gonna try to drive me away. Why did I let him drag me into that?"

"Because you care, Bee. You care a lot. You aren't the kind of person who can see somebody struggling and just leave them to it. You're like, literally incapable of not lending a hand. Especially when you love somebody."

"So then why the hell did I have to fall for the hardest to love cybertronian there is?"

"Oh, I'm sure there's been worse.I mean, Nova-"

"Not really the point."

"Oh. Because you have horrible taste?"

"That's more like it," Bee grinned. "Cheers?"

"To shit taste!" Wheeljack agreed, clinking their drinks together.

"Absolutely."

They left the bar a bit later, neither of them really drunk so much as in the zone, as Wheeljack liked to put it. It was right before you got too drunk to really do anything sensible but drunk enough that you didn't overthink things, and it was just the right level of alcohol consumption to go for a walk and talk about life.

"So, what're you gonna do then?" Wheeljack asked after the conversation had trailed off.

"About what?"

"Starscream. Y'know, I don't think he's very good for you."

"I dunno," Bee shrugged. "And i know. I know nobody thinks he's a good person but he tries, Wheeljack. He really does! He just, he's scared. All the time, I think, of everything. He doesn't trust me, or you, or anyone at all, and I hate it. I hate that he feels like he can't trust me, even after all the stuff we've been through. It makes me mad! Not even mad at him, just mad at- at- I dunno, at the universe, at the war, at Megatron, at every shitty thing that ever happened that made him feel like he needs to be afraid all the time. I want him to be safe. I want to make him feel safe. But I dunno how and he won't tell me, and how can I tell him my stuff if he won't tell me any of his, and if we never tell each other anything then it's not all that much of a relationship."

"I mean, what do you even want from someone like that? He's not got a lot to offer. I mean, he's kinda hot if you squint, I guess, but other than that?"

"I think 'kinda hot' is the understatement of the century, Wheeljack. But... I dunno, I just. Want something. I want him to be able to tell me he cares about me. I know he does. But I want him to say it. I want it to be real."

"Why? You're a good person, Bee, it's not like you don't have options."

"Because I'm happy when he's around. I feel more like myself. I feel like my life is better when he's in it. For better or for worse, he's got a perspective nobody else does, and he always comes up with things I'd never even think of. He's smart and observant and funny just as much as he's a wise-ass and a smug bastard. For every inch of him that's irritating there's another bit that's incredible. And a lot of that incredible feels like our little secret, like he only lets me see those parts of him, and I like that too. And, I dunno, I get to be angry and there's nothing wrong with it. He's never mad that I'm mad, he never tells me that getting pissed is a waste of time or energy, he just lets me be. He argues, but he doesn't try to stop me or make me be polite and friendly because he doesn't need or want me to coddle him. I like the idea of taking care of him because it's less actually taking care and more just. being there, and letting him do the rest. I share my input and he gives his, and eventually he comes to the answer on his own and I get to see him being better. He gets better because he wants to, not because I'm forcing him to."

"I guess I just don't get how Starscream becomes a better person without you dragging him into it."

"People are fundementally good, Wheeljack. Don't look at me like that! It's true! Everyone wants to be loved, and really we all want to do good so we feel worthy of being loved, but it's about opportunity. When your needs aren't met, it gets harder and harder to do good. When everyone around you treats you with cruelty, it gets harder. When everyone believes you're a monster, why even bother trying to prove them wrong? All it takes is one opportunity, one chance to do the right thing, one person to say I know you know what's right for someone to take a step in the right direction. I didn't do anything to him, I just. I tell him what I know, which is that he doesn't enjoy who he became any more than the rest of us, and I give him space to know that even when it's scary and even when he loses everything, I'm on his side. Even the worst of us can improve given the chance. I really do believe that. I mean, you were at Megatron's trial. He opened the matrix. If that guy, given the opportunity, decided to turn himself around, why can't Star?"

"Did you kiss him and then yell at him or yell at him and then kiss him?"

"What?"

"Earlier, when you said you guys fought. Was it all like 'oh im in love with you' and then you kissed and then you fought afterwards? or was it like 'oh we're fighting by the way I love you' and then you kissed?"

"Uh, neither. I told him I was in love with him and he told me I wasn't and that made me really really angry, and I'm not even sure why honestly. And then I kissed him, to uh, prove I meant it, I guess? Not my best idea."

"Maybe you're just tired of being told what to do."

"I think I just don't like other people telling me what I am. I know what I am. I'm Bumblebee!" He took a deep breath and started yelling. "I'M BUMBLEBEE! I'M ALIVE AND I'M IN LOVE! AND I KNOW WHO I AM!"

"HELL YEAH!" Wheeljack threw his arms up, just enjoying the act of making noise as they wandered back to Bee's apartment, and eventually the two of them devolved into pointless hollering and whooping, until someone somewhere through a little chunk of metal and bonked Bee right in the back of the head with a SHUT THE FUCK UP! and the two of them just started laughing, both trying to shoosh the other as they eventually made it into Bee's apartment and Wheeljack settled on the couch, barely sparing a muffled g'night buddy before passing out, leaving Bee alone to stare out the window and think about what he wanted.

///

Bee rolled out of bed the next morning to the sound of a knock at the door, rubbing at his eyes, wincing at the too-bright sunlight. He wandered past where Wheeljack was snoring on the couch, muttering a yeah, yeah, I'm coming, to the door as the knock came again, less sure of itself this time.

He wasn't really sure who he expected to be at the door. But it both was and wasn't a surprise to see Starscream standing there.

"Bumblebee." He said plainly.

"Uh, good morning," Bee responded. "What's, uh, what's up?" Ah, that felt like the lamest possible thing he could've said. Nice one, Bumblebee.

"I... I want to apologize."

"You... what?"

"I'm sorry," he muttered, hands clasped in front of him, not meeting Bee's eyes. "I. For everything. I'm sorry I'm impossible. I'm sorry I'm cruel. I'm sorry I'm petty. I'm sorry for my ego and my selfishness and for how I only drink the most expensive wines, even when you buy me the cheaper ones. I'm sorry because I know that none of this is going to go away and I'm going to have to keep apologizing over and over and it's going to get old. I'm sorry for doing every possible thing I can to drive you away and I'm sorry you're not stupid enough to fall for it because your life would be a hell of a lot easier if you would. This isn't easy. And I could stand here and apologize for hours and I still wouldn't hit everything, but, but. You're... I'm missing my train for you, okay?"

"Uh. You lost me on that last bit."

"Thundercracker's advice only comes through rom-coms, so, sorry for that too, I guess."

"It's okay. Uh. Thank you for apologizing. And I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I'm stubborn, I'm sorry for yelling, I'm sorry that I'm touchy and pushy and too much in all the ways you aren't. I'm sorry I always have to feel like I'm winning, I'm sorry about all my moral grandstanding, I'm sorry for all the ways I make you feel like a bad person. I'm sorry for the days that I don't have the patience, and I'm sorry for the days I have too much and it makes you mad, and I'm sorry I thought I could make you love me in the way I wanted just by pulling hard enough."

"It's okay. It's... It's okay."

"Are we... are we okay?"

"Yeah. I think so. For now. And if we aren't later, then I think we can figure it out." Starscream let his hands seperate, and Bee reached out to take them in his own, intertwining their fingers.

"Okay."

"Only if you want to. I know I'm not easy."

"Neither of us are easy. But that's okay. I meant what I said. I know what I'm getting into. If you think we can figure it out, I'd like to try, at least."

"I think I can do that. I can try."

"You wanna start by kissing me properly?" Starscream's face flushed bright pink.

"That sounds as good a place to start as any."

#red.doc #starbee #sorry for still not properly posting things to like. a website. this is the best ur gonna get beloveds #anyways. this was much much shorter and then i added the TC segment and got carried away #the tc bit is my favourite bit btw. its good.

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celeste-clearwater-06 · 4 years

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A warm spring day in Neville's 5th year was a perfect day to go out and find productivity by examining some greenery near the Black Lake. He had brought fresh parchment and a quill outside with him, and he scribbled down perfectly literate handwriting, observing a blade of gold and olive-colored grass.

And coincidentally, he was not the only student who needed a breath of fresh air and to break away from the horrid witch, called Umbridge.

Y/N adjusted the strap of her small, hand-knit bag that she slung over her shoulder.

She found a seat underneath a willow tree, sat close to the edge of the lake, and tucked herself close to the trunk, which made the perfect makeshift seat between its large and knotted roots.

Y/N sat cross-legged, and carefully emptied the contents of her bag.

A well-used sketchbook and pencil, and a few snacks that she had been gifted from the generous house-elves after she had skipped lunch.

A fluttering of wings drew her attention away from the beautiful landscape and watched with a smile as her sand-colored tawny owl perched himself on a gangly root close to her.

"Hello, Percy. " she smiled, and gently stroked the top of his feathery head with two fingers. He closed his eyes with a content chirp, making Y/N chuckle.

"I brought you a little snack. Are you hungry?"

She held out a small piece of bread, and let the owl happily snatch it from between her fingers.

Y/N then looked down at her sketchbook, feeling the urge to let her creativity discharge onto the paper. She scanned her surroundings longingly, trying to unearth any spark of inspiration. Her eyes scanned over large trees, and the captivating lake, watching as a few mermaid tails skimmed the water's surface and delved back down below. A small whip Scorpion scuttled along the ground near Y/N's feet. And when she grew frustrated that no inspiration had come to her, she saw him.

Neville Longbottom, her long time crush, seated on the lush terrain with his legs sprawled out, as he scratched words onto a piece of parchment, and gently biting down on his lower lip in concentration.

Perfect.

A sight for her sore eyes, and for a moment, Y/N can't tear her memorized stare away from the flawless presence about 20 feet away from her.

And when she could finally look away, it was straight down to her hands, watching as they mindlessly duplicated the stunning image not far from her.

Neville felt… strange. He felt the piercing stare of eyes on the side of his head. Nevertheless, he didn't draw his attention away from the violet petals of a beautiful flower. He figured that it was just his subconscious and panicked mind. It always felt that way, since he was known as the fool, the klutz, the screw-up of Hogwarts. He felt like people were always there to judge him.

But if only they were in his shoes. Then they'd know how hard it is to be him. To be Neville. For a moment, the feeling went away, and relief washed over him, but that feeling was short-lived, and the pressure began again.

Neville shifted uncomfortably and furrowed his brows just a bit more. He suspected it was just Draco and his obnoxious goons and decided to just let them stare and conjure up a plan to tease him.

He knew it would never change, and he would just have to live with that.

But, still, his conscience was persistent, and he found his attention pulled away from the delicate flower between his soft fingers, and surveyed his surroundings. And his heart skipped a beat.

Y/N had her beautiful eyes locked down in some sort of book, hand moving in gentle strokes across one of the pages, and her eyebrows knitted together, completely lost in her little world. Next to her, sat a small owl with unusually large eyes. It stared intently at Neville, and then let out a loud chirp.

Y/N smiled, looking up from the book, and up at her owl, speaking to it in a delicately inaudible voice, before realizing that it was staring at something. Neville's face flared as red as his house color, seeing her gentle smile and wave in his direction, and he could hardly lift his hand to wave back.

He watched as Y/N chuckled, then turned back to her book continuing to scribble with eagerness.

He tried to continue looking down at the fragile plant in his hand, but his infatuation with the girl nearby was all too much for his timid heart to handle.

Y/N sighed with relief, seeing him turn back to his original position, permitting the opportunity for her to finish the black and white sketch of Neville. She added finalizing touches, like the golden sun reflecting off of his chocolate-colored hair, and his beautiful long eyelashes that fluttered when he blinked.

She looked up one last time to confirm that she'd made the art perfect, but Neville was gone.

Her heart sank, knowing she had missed another opportunity to talk to him, but jumped out of her skin when she heard a cough on her opposite side.

Y/N quickly turned her head, to find Neville standing above her, wringing his clammy hands together.

"M-may I sit here?" He inquired politely, and immediately averted his eyes when hers widened.

"Absolutely."

Y/N's answer surprised Neville, but he thanked her quietly and accepted the offer of her hand patting the ground. As he lowered himself in between Y/N and a tree root, Neville caught a glimpse of the drawing in her hand and his eyes widened in astonishment.

"That's amazing!" He gaped with perplexity, referring to the art with a nod of his head. Y/N flushed and choked on her own words.

"Ooh, uh yeah…I-I mean thank you! Thank you." She stuttered, internally hexing herself for doing so.

"How in Merlin's Beard did you do that?!" Neville asked, reaching his hand out, and stroking the pencil marks on the well-used paper.

"Just practice I guess. Takes a lot of work, but it pays off in the end." Y/N so badly wanted to place her hand on top of his.

"What spell did you use to do this?"

"Sorry, what?"

"What spell?" Neville repeated, "I had no clue there was a charm for art."

"There's not…"

And Y/N thought Neville's eyes couldn't get any wider.

"REALLY?!"

The loud noise startled Percy, causing him to screech loudly, and flap his wings. Neville gasped.

"Shh, shh it's okay Percy!" Y/N soothed the owl, with a marvelously lulling voice, and Neville just stared in bewilderment as she was able to Instantly calm him, stroking the top of his head.

"I-I'm so sorry!" Neville whispered guiltily, "I didn't mean to scare him."

Y/N laughed sweetly, making Neville's heart skip a beat.

"It's alright. You don't have to whisper."

"R-right. Sorry." His attention was drawn back to the sketchbook. "So you really drew that yourself?"

"I did…"

"You're incredible…" Neville muttered and quickly realized that those words were not meant to leave his mouth.

"I-I mean, the drawing is incredible! A-and you are too! AGh… Merlin, I'm pathetic, aren't I?" He hid his bright red face in his hands

He heard Y/N laugh again, and found that her face was just as red.

"I don't think you're pathetic, Neville."

He looked at her with a deep marvel.

"Y-you know my name?"

She nodded, looking back down at her book with rosy cheeks.

"C-Can I ask you a question?" Neville spoke very quietly, turning to admire the lake a few feet away from them.

"Sure."

"Why did you draw me? There are plenty more interesting things to draw, than me."

Y/N was quiet for a moment, and Neville instantly regretted asking the question, afraid it made her uncomfortable, but before he could speak up, Y/N answered.

"I like to sketch things that I think are pretty."

She answered simply, closing her eyes as the spring air blew gently against her face, and leaned her head back on the trunk of the tree.

Y/N didn't see Neville's face burn an intense shade of red, or how he grinned from ear to ear, mimicking the way she leaned against the willow.

"You think I'm pretty?" He muttered.

"Well, yeah I guess. I think you're very interesting. You seem very nice." She opened her eyes, looking over at Neville, anxious with the sound of his silence.

He was still grinning like a fool as he stared out at the captivating body of water. Y/N found herself starting. He was even more handsome close-up, with the reflection of the water creating beautiful moving patterns that danced across his complexion. He blinked his ivy green eyes a few times.

"Nobody's ever found me interesting unless I'm making a fool of myself." Neville's smile quickly vanished, and he looked back down at his fidgeting hands and picked at a loose string on his cable-knit sweater.

"I can assure you, I think you're more than just a fool. Not everyone can see that, though I'm not sure why."

"Well, I'm not the bravest Gryffindor, for starters. Not as great as Harry Potter. I'm the only one who can't cast his Patronus for Merlin's sake."

"You're brave for trying at least. There's a reason I'm in Hufflepuff, you know. I couldn't do half of the things you Gryffindors could."

"Well sure you can. Hufflepuffs are amazing!"

"Yeah… really though, I think you're incredible Neville."

Neville had nothing else to say. This girl was not one to let him talk down on himself.

After a few moments of stillness, Y/N coughed.

"I think we should get back before Umbridge sicks her evil quill on us."

This made Neville chuckle, a deep, butterfly inducing sound that made goosebumps crawl up and down Y/N's skin.

"You're right. T-thank you by the way."

Y/N looked over at him, realizing she was practically the same height.

"For?"

"Being so kind. It's not every day that someone wants to draw me."

Y/N blushed, and then got an idea, the thought evident on her face as her eyes lit up.

"Here." She ripped the page, and Neville stared in horror at the sound of tearing paper filling his ears.

"What are you doing?"

She pulled out a cleanly torn page, with the picture of Neville, and then held it out to him with a bright smile.

"A parting gift."

"You don't have to do this. Y-you worked so hard and-"

"It's fine, really. I always find the time to make more."

"Thank you. So much. Really, I mean it." Neville's face hurt from smiling so much, as he stared down at the beautiful artwork.

"You're very welcome." Y/N grinned and dusted off her clothes before standing up on her feet.

Percy fluttered from this perch and up onto her shoulder. Neville still hadn't looked away from his gift, and hardly noticed the girl holding her hand out.

"Need some help?"

He froze, locking eyes with Y/N, and unable to form even half of a syllable, with his bright burning expression.

Finally, he could move his head just enough to replicate a nod, and lifted a trembling hand to place in hers. And he would have melted into a puddle of happy-Neville right then and there if it weren't for the fact that he needed to get back to herbology class.

Her hands were warm and soft, and immediately he grew anxious that she would notice the sweat on his as she helped pull him from the ground.

When Neville was back on two feet, he had nearly forgotten how to walk, being so close to this beautiful angel.

He tumbled forwards a little bit, almost knocking Y/N over, and she laughed, helping him stand up straight.

"Oops!"

He quickly pulled his hand away and started to stutter, but Y/N cut him off.

"Hey, you dropped something."

She pointed down at the grass, and Neville noticed it as well. It was the same purple flower that he had been studying earlier. An idea of his own came to mind, and he stooped to pick it up, before holding it out to Y/N.

She gratefully accepted the beautiful plant and tucked it in the front pocket of her black school robe.

"Thank you, Neville! It's beautiful!"

"Y-you're welcome." He smiled shyly.

The two acquaintances walked up towards where they had originally come from, having a deeply intriguing conversation about this so-called "Dumbledor's Army" that Neville had spoken of earlier, and though both of them had been very shy and hesitant at first, they walked away with one thing in mind; they were happy that something good had changed.

A/N- I hope you enjoyed this little one shot!! I know, im not super experienced with the entire set up of this format, but I'll get used to it eventually!! Thank you!! ❤❤

#neville longbottom x reader #neville longbottom #harry potter #x reader #hufflepuff

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livelovelaug-h · 5 years

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"My karma" ep rewrite

well part of do rewrite- part 2 of "my fruit cups"

Cox x reader

Summary: Imagine breaking up with Dr. Cox.

A/n: the next story I come out with won't be related to this story but it will be a requested (Cox x male) reader I'm excited to write it! Will be out in a few days.

Things have been going pretty great for you and Perry.

You and Perry got a little tipsy leaving you guys laughing for hours. "I mean it was hilarious." He said laughing.

"I remember when I was in highschool and my one teacher was behind me, I ended up slipping on someone's backpack. Haha it was funny but embarrassing."

"Oh yeah I've fallen at school way too many times too hahah."

It was a perfect way to end the night. X

~~~

Nurses station~

You walked over with a huge smile on your face. Carla asked: "Oh, why are you so smiley today? That excited for work?"

"I just feel so warm and happy when I'm with perry. I think he's the one. He gets me you know. It's great." You couldn't wipe the smile off.

"That's great sweetie I'm so happy for you guys. You guys make a great couple."

It's funny how you can be good with a person one day….

"Thank you." He really did melt your heart. You just couldn't wait for the next time you ran into him in the hallway. Sometimes you guys would sneak into the medicine room, where you mostly made out but you did talk. Sometimes.

~~~

And have that change in a whole other day...

The more Jordan got to her due date the more Perry pulled away from you.

You were alone in Cox's bed when you looked over at the clock, it read: 3:00 am. Cox wasn't home and he was off work at 9:00 pm….

2 months later -

"Hey have any of you seen Dr. Cox around?"

"Yeah well Jordan's water broke so he was getting her one of the suites."

"Jd!!" Carla said to him.

"No it's fine. Thank you for telling me JD."

Later you saw Perry doing some paperwork so you went over to talk to him. You had put on some makeup in the bathroom, since you've been feeling a little self conscious. Perry hasn't been talking to much and he was barely home. "Hey Perr, how's Jordan?"

"She's doing good." He was avoiding eye contact.

"That's good. How does she like her suite?"

"Well I didn't get it… yet, because someone else is in there."

"Oh. Hopefully soon. Hey I was wondering do you want to grab some lunch or dinner together in the cafe since we'll both be here."

"Um yeah sure let's do lunch just in case Jordan gives birth around dinner."

That was like a punch to the stomach. Why did it matter if he was there when it's not even his baby? "..Okay" you whispered but he didn't even seem to hear it as he walked away.

Dr. Cox leaves Jordan's room. ''Hey, Girl's Name!" He shouts to JD.

"What?"

Dr. Cox: "Gimme a break -- I got a lot on my mind, Ellen! Ooh! Look at that! I bounced back! A-hey-anyway, the cave bat just kicked me out of its lair, and seeing as I no longer have my all-access pass to crazy town, I'm going to need you to occasionally go in there and poke her with a broomstick, just to see how she's doing."

"Dr. Cox---"

"Uh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh! Please! Just...check on her, 'kay? All right." He doesn't really wait for an agreement from J.D. before walking down the hall.

[calling after cox] "But what if she has the baby while I'm in there?"

~~~~~~~

Fantasy Sequence:

The Birthing Suite

J.D. stands nervously by as Jordan delivers.

Jordan: AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Dr. Donna: Here it comes!

J.D. looks over Dr. Donna's shoulder at what has emerged from Jordan. "What the hell is that?"

Dr. Donna [to the baby] ''Goo-goo, ga-ga! Ga-ga, goo-goo! Goo-goo! Gee-gee! Agh!''

With other-worldly squeals, the slimy monster leaps from Dr. Donna's arms & latches on to J.D.'s throat.

"AAAGGGHHH!! GAH! Oh, somebody get it off!!!!!!" Jd yelled.

~~~

Carla is doing some organizational work. Dr. Cox stands in the doorway talking to her. "So, now...why'd you finally agree to marry Gandhi?" He asked her.

Carla: Well, he's amazing in bed...and he has an awesome CD collection.

"Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared anymore?"

"Please! I'm still terrified! I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?"

Dr. Cox: Why?

"Ate 'em all."

Dr. Cox: Sounds like good roughage to me.

"What do you do when you get scared?"

Dr. Cox: Run away, get a divorce, drink alone.... You know, the classics. The thing is that, this time, I am killing myself for this woman, and I'm still getting my ass handed to me.

"There is no Shangri-La, you know? Every relationship is messed up. What makes it perfect is if you still want to be there when things really suck."

Dr. Cox: Yeah, well, I'm not so sure.

"It'll come to you. But what you have to do is choose either you're with Jordan or Y/n. You can't have both. And you're not being too fair to y/n these days. "

~~~~

You got your lunch at the Cafeteria & sat down waiting for Perry. You waited a little bit to eat so you guys could eat together but, 10 mins later you gave in and ate, you were starving. 10 mins later: "Hey y/n"

"Hey jd. What's up?"

"Nothing much today is just not one of the good days."

"Your telling me."

"Hey do you believe in karma?" He asks you. You thought about it for awhile. 10 more mins later and Perry didn't show up.

You stood up grabbing your tray. "To answer your question, yeah. I do believe in karma."

~~~

Call me new agey, but I think karma's a powerful force.

You were walking out of the building thinking about what JD said about karma.

Because I honestly believe, if you've got some bad karma coming your way, well…

Dr Cox was waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs. When you seen him you scoffed and tried to walk around him but he lightly grabbed your arm: "Hey can we talk?"

… You can't hide from it.

"About what?"

"About us.. look I'm sorry I haven't been around much I really am, but I just I need to be there for her."

"Got that loud and clear."

"That doesn't mean I don't like you, it just isn't a good time right now for us to be dating."

".... Okay." And instantly your world was shattering. You literally couldn't breath.

"I'm sorry. I know I messed up something great because…Well I don't think I deserve you."

"But you do." You whispered almost sounding too broken. Now what?

"I'm sorry."

You were in shock.

Karma's really just about doing the right thing.

"Me too."

~~At the bar~

1:50

"hey is there someone I can call. We're closing?"

"what no stay and ppartyyy." You said you were totally wasted. you gave the guy your phone and told him one name.

He walked in and seen all of your cups.

"y/n?"

"JD!!! heeeey come have a drink."

"we can't there closing. Come on let's go home."

"Less go skinny dippin'!!" You said slurred.

This is not good. It's gonna be a long night. It's always hard seeing one of your friends going through a tuff time.....

82 notes · View notes

twilightofthe · 5 years

Note

Tell me ALL your SW faves

Aaaaaa thank you! This took a while cuz this got long, lol sorry! Aight, so here’s ALL my SW faves for this ask prompt list!

FAVE MOVIE: Revenge of the Sith. 10000%. It just has everything! You get to see the Obikin relationship in all its glory, first and foremost, how much those two loved each other more than anything and knew each other better than anyone, and just how much they genuinely got along and then we got our hearts broken watching them have to fight after Anakin made his Goof Of The Millennium and just oooooof all the feels about my boys! Seeing Padmé and just loving her so gotdang much for being strong and wanting the best life for everyone, all while she was so scared and had so little support from anyone, and just couldn’t do it in the end. Seeing the end of the Republic, how after a thousand years, just, *poof*, just like that in like two days (yes, I know Sidious was planning it for over a decade but still), the horrific fascination on how Sidious was able to do that. Just the brilliance of Sheev’s character, how you despise him, but how brilliantly everything was pulled off. The angst of Order 66, how especially after TCW you love these characters SO MUCH and then you gotta watch them DIE HORRIBLY BY THOSE THEY TRUSTED, THOSE WHO NEVER HAD A CHOICE EITHER. Did I mention feeling so freaking bad for Obi Wan and his Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day??? Because I really do, he’s so good and kind and we see his life fall apart and ugh I love him. And y’all, watching Anakin Skywalker fall from grace like the brightest angel he was, you hate him for what he did, but you still can’t help but love him and cry for him and his loss because he was so good, and he did not deserve all this to happen to him but he did it to HIMSELF AAAAGGHHHH. Also, Obes and Ani were at peak prettiness this movie!! Just asdfkjglkdskajsrlk best movie love so diggity dang much

FAVE PAIRING: Oh, how EVER will I choose– Obikin. It’s Obikin, all the way, no contest. I know I’ve yelled about it a million and one times so I’ll save y’all the rant on how much I adore these disasters and their relationship and how I think they’re goddamn soulmates and the most interesting dynamic in the entire Saga. I ship them romantically and platonically and just everything, they’re so fucking important to one another and that’s why it hurts so much to watch them fall apart, and that’s why I’m so incredibly happy that they get to canONICALLY SPEND THEIR ENTIRE AFTERLIFE TOGETHER BECAUSE FORCE GHOSTS HELL YEAH. If I had to pick just secondary fave romantic and platonic relationships, hmmmm that’s hard. BUT, I’m gonna have to go with Kanera for romantic; SWR was what got me back into Star Wars and one of my favorite parts of it was watching Kanan and Hera, how much I loved them separately, but just how much they were a team together and I love them and I was unbelievably upset when Jedi Night happened (and I still have a rant about how animated Star Wars kills off their romantic couples in the exact same manner, pls ask me about how TCW’s The Lawless and Rebels’ Jedi Night had basically all of the same plot points that ended in killing off a romantic lead). For other fave platonic relationship, gonna have to go with Luke/Han/Leia BROT3 (separate from Hanleia as a romance, which is probs my 3rd fave). These disasters were the original Golden Trio, they saved the galaxy together all while yelling dramatically and having each other’s backs to the bitter end (or, at least ‘till the end of ROTJ lol) and I just love them as a team so dang much

FAVE TV SHOW EPISODE: Okay, since there are four TV shows, it’s only fair for me to pick one (or more don’t judge me) from each! Let’s see, from The Clone Wars, my fave eps have to be the entire Mortis trilogy arc in S3 because Obes/Ani/Snips family dynamic, Force Shenanigans, BEAUTIFUL scene designs, Anakin angst, just so many good things oof, and also Dooku Captured from S1, which I just adore because Obikin snark, annoying Grandpa Dooku, Hondo Fucking Ohnaka making everyone look so bad at their jobs, I just love it agh. Whoops that was technically four faves, so gotta do four for Rebels too! Gonna go wiiiiith World Between Worlds from S4 for Badass Ahsoka Tano, Ezra being brave and talented, Sheev being Absolutely Ridiculous, and just the overall Force Shenanigans cuz canon time travel y’all; The Lost Commanders from S2 because Rex is awesome, Kanan angst, and really good Kanan and Ezra bonding and Jedi awesomeness, Fire Across the Galaxy from S1 because of Ghost fam dynamics, Kanan angst, more Kanan and Ezra bonding, and just good stuff, and Twilight of the Apprentice in S2 (lol what about my username?) for being creepy and cool and maKING ME CRY ANAKIN YOU STUPID THRICE COOKED TOILET SEAT LEAVE AHSOKA ALONE. *cough* Ok, fine, I’ll stick with only one ep for the other two series. For Resistance, gonna have to go with the latest ep, actually! We get to see Kaz being clever and caring about his fam on the Colossus, really cool designs for Aeos and its people, Tam angst, and just everyone shining! For The Mandalorian, it’s gotta be the finale, Redemption, we get Din name, Armorer kicking everyones asses and me loving it, BABY YODA DOING THE HAND WAVE, Din getting over his issues with droids and connecting with IG only for IG to FUCKING DIE, DIN AND BABY YODA BEING AN OFFICIAL CLAN OF TWO, Taika just knocking this whole episode out of the park with the funny scouttroopers at the beginning who still deserved the ass-whooping they got for fucking murdering Kuiil and hiTTING BABY YODA YOU SLIMY FUCKNUGGETS–

FAVE CHARACTER: Alright, look, I can narrow it down to FIVE and that is IT. I just love too many Star Wars characters, I can’t go lower than top five! Ok, so my four favorites are Obi Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa, Kanan Jarrus, and Finn Skywalker-Dameron-Tico (i SAID what i SAID.) AIGHT so for starters, a lot of my favorite characters in different franchises fall under various archetypes I have for faves. Obi Wan fits one of my more popular ones: “Old, reluctant and more than slightly-questionable parental badass with a mysterious past that makes you love them all the more when you realize just how beautiful and tragic and deserving-better they were when that past is revealed”. I latched onto this dude from the start when I just liked the OT (tho Leia was always my fave lol), and I wanted to know about him, and then when I finally started getting into the PT and TCW, it was just a steady stream of “oh no he’s hOT?” “oh no he’s sAD?” “oh no he’s nICE?!? REALLY FUCKING NICE AND A BIT OF A MESS HELP” and then I just totally latched on because he’s hypercompetent at literally everything and looks damn good doing it and boy do I have a thing for competence, charming as all hell and goes through so much and comes out strong despite the fact that fate hates his fucking guts and tries to destroy his life constantly and guys he tries so hard and he’s kind of messy sometimes and a bit of a dick and I love him all the more for it because he’s trying, none of that do-or-do-not shit, he is doing his damn best and deserves happiness and not Anakin tearing him apart. SPEAKING OF SAND MAN. Ugh, so I love Anakin to fucking death and that makes me REALLY MAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE MAKES EVERYONE ELSE I LIKE SAD. So I love Anakin regardless because he’s not your typical protagonist. He’s fucking brilliant, hot when he fights, is amazing at fighting and flying and building stuff and there’s that competence thing for me again, oh boy! He’s funny and kind and he cares. And somehow, this bitch manages to have the two most beautiful, amazing people in the galaxy in love with him and willing to do basically anything for him like the fuck?!? Jealous much??!?!?!?! I am!!!! He’s so fucking bright and it’s impossible to look away. He’s also a dorky, messy disaster who’s not good with people or feelings or emotions and he panics over stuff and doesn’t know self-control and is kinda really bad at his job a lot and pushes away the people who care about him and screws up literally all the fucking time and he always feels like he’s drowning and alone and I get to watch him crash and burn under the weight of it all. Basically, minus the anger issues and the child murder and the murder in general, I kinda relate a lot to Anakin. I feel like a self-hating mess who doesn’t know how to control my ow head and the world hates me a lot too. I can project my mental issues onto him, enjoy the good parts of him, live vicariously through the things he does that I can’t like be loved by pretty people and be hot and athletic and smart, and then when he crashes I can side-eye and remember that at least someone’s doing worse than me lol. So yea, I love this messy boi to death and he’s the one I get the best characterization reviews on, so I guess we have an understanding. Leia I loved since as a kid. I’d want to be her, brave, talented, smart, strong as hell and snarky to boot. I realize that Leia fits another fave character archetype of mine: “Powerful young adult raised for greatness, did not ask for all the horrible shit that’s happened to them, highkey wants a break and for the bad guys to just roll over and die, is generally clever, hypercompetent, and 100% done with everyone else’s shit, overdramatic as all hell and enjoys insulting people”. Her and Han were my first Star Wars ship and she just always made me happy seeing her kick names and take ass. She’s gone through almost as much hell or maybe more so than Obi Wan, she also keeps getting back up and fighting, she deserved SO MUCH BETTER than what the Sequel Trilogy gave her and you may quote me on that. She’s also gorgeous and I wanted to wear all of her clothes (bikini not included). I also love her relationship with Luke and I am so goddam happy it is now canon that Leia Organa did Jedi training and can use a lightsaber!!! She has a lightsaber!!!!!!!!!! Ugh oof I love her. Kanan fills the similar “mentor” archetype as Obi Wan does, but with a smidge of youth because he’s younger when he gets dropped into this role. He’s more of a punk, more of a mess, and oof. Basically I’ve said it a zillion times how Rebels resparked my love of Star Wars, but really, it was Kanan on the screen that did it. It happened when the Rebels season 3 premiere eps ended up on the TV and I saw it and I thought in order 1. holy shit that Maul fucker’s actually alive? and 2. Oh no sad blind Jedi man! He’s cool and mysterious and I want to know why he’s sad and who made him sad and also want to give him a hug!!! He was my fave character all throughout Rebels and his training dynamic with Ezra, struggling to help this kid all while flying by the seat of his pants because he had Issues and no clue what he was doing and no support and ugh, he was smart and brave and I’m so sad he’s dead and yea. Finn!!!! Last but not least!!!! He was my favorite character from The Force Awakens. People have said it before, but he was just so new, a rebel Stormtrooper stolen and brainwashed at birth, finding the good guys and fighting to do the right thing! Possibly Force Sensitive! Super duper cute!!! Funny and kind, dammit, when not many other people in the galaxy were!!!!!!!! I was so, so sure Finn was gonna be a Jedi along with Rey at some point, that might have been my biggest letdown when I saw TLJ, but ugh I just loved his enthusiasm and his war within himself, ultimately loving his friends and trying to do what was right at the risk to his own safety, even though that was why he ran scared in the first place!!!!! I shipped him with Rey and with Poe and now I am NOT above the post TROS Jedistormpilot shipping!!!!! Finn was just always the most interesting part of the Sequel Trilogy for me and I personally feel like they could have done more with his character.

FAVE ACTOR/ACTRESS: Aight, so I try my best not to “stan” anyone famous because literally no one is perfect and everyone’s done something problematic at some point and if I dare say I like a famous figure, someone’s gonna find something about them and come after me all “OMG THIS PERSON DID/SAID/IS X YOU MONSTER GO DIE!!11!!1″. In terms of performance, I think all the actors in Star Wars did a lovely job and I’m happy with all of them! If I had to crush on any, it would probs be Ewan McGregor, John Boyega, or Diego Luna cuz, uh, they hot. If I had to pick one I liked most, it would honestly probs be Carrie Fisher. Maybe that’s just partially from missing her now that she’s gone, but I really admire her advocacy and transparence for mental health, and she just seemed like such a funny, kind, strong person.

FAVE PLANET: Aight, this is HARD and I refuse to only pick one planet! Ok, gonna start off with Coruscant because an endless city planet made up of lights is amazingly gorgeous and it has a Jedi Temple stacked on top of a Sith Temple and is just so cool aaaaa. Also love Felucia just for being so bright and colorful and pretty. Mortis for being just as weirdly gorgeous and also Weird Force Shit. Lothal for the beautiful mountains, the wolves, and the fucking lightspeed center of the planet passage what, Dathomir is delightfully creepy to look at, Crait is really cool with the salt and the red and the ice foxes, Kashyyyk because Wookiees and it’s pretty and I love their treehouses. Basically if it makes me clap my dumb monkey hands and go “oooh pretty!”, I love it. The more “not like Earth” it is, the more I love it.

FAVE SPECIES: Hmmmmm, this is a tough one……. There’s just so many cool-looking species that we know so little about, ya know? I wanna say either Togrutas or Wookiees. Togrutas just because the character design is incredible and so fun to work with and also I love Ahsoka, and Wookiees because they have such an interesting culture and backstory and also I want to give Chewbacca a hug.

FAVE CONCEPT: Uhhh, not quite sure I get the question; you mean like just story concept in general? If that’s it, I’m gonna have to go with just the whole concept of the Force and the Jedi in general. I mean George, George my man, what the fuck? How the hell did you come up with this?!? Mystical psychic space wizards with magic abilities to connect with and use the sentient godlike life force that combined the entire galaxy together. Oh and also they have COLORFUL GLOWING LASER SWORDS?!?!? It’s honestly one of the most creative things I’ve seen in popular culture, and that makes me sad that Star Wars now seems to be trying to separate itself from what I think is its most interesting quality because “ugh not EVERYTHING should be about the Jedi guys!”, when like, y’all, without the Jedi, the entire SW universe is basically just another military scifi war story…… Just my opinion tho.

FAVE SHIP: Ok, since pairing was already up there, I assume this means actual ship? Well, uh, gonna have to be square with y’all, I’m a bad Star Wars fan for this part; I’ve never been the one to memorize ship names and designs and know the exact make and model number of some fancy ship, I’m real bad at that lol. I’ll say my favorite ship is the Ghost. Hera flies it and the Rebels Fam lives on it and it’s super cool and it makes me happy!

FAVE WEAPON: LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABER LIGHTSABER. LIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABERLIGHTSABER. Y’all, c’mon, what did you think I was gonna pick? xD Lizard brain want glowy shiny colorful big stick that goes whoosh!

FAVE BACKGROUND EXTRA: Again, not entirely sure what this means, but do you mean fave background character? If so, then it’s a tie between Wilrow Hood and his ice cream machine for the memes, that one clone in TCW who yeets a plate of toast at Cad Bane’s face, or that one background soldier who scoots between Han and Leia arguing in ESB and also Hera and Kanan arguing in Rebels (yes I do headcanon it’s the same guy lol)

FAVE MOMENT/SCENE: This one’s actually pretty easy. Anakin dying in Luke’s arms in ROTJ, and then his ghost showing up to Luke later at the Ewok party. I just care so ridiculously much about stupid Anakin and his stupid story and mistakes, and even before I was a prequels stan and had only seen the OT (and wasn’t a huge Vader fan, believe it or not), some part of me just felt so solemn, so fragile watching this, watching the giant monstrous machine falling apart as he fades away to reveal a weary, tired old human man, and it always made me wonder, what the hell happened to him to turn him into that thing? Seeing that young, beautiful man, basically Luke’s age, showing up as a ghost later, just the fascination, the tender look he shared with Old Ben, just how young he was, that made it all the more mysterious and knowing what I do now, it’s just so much better because my poor, horrible Disaster Man finally did the right thing and he finally found peace and it’s just the only ending I could be happy for Anakin with, And Luke, I always felt so bad for Luke, being so strong, so brave, finally getting his father back for like five damn minutes and then having to lose him again and just hurting for him but also knowing that it was gonna be okay because Luke had more family now, the ghosts, and Han and Leia and Chewie and R2 and 3PO and Lando and everyone.

FAVE KISS: Luke and Leia (HANG ON LET ME SPEAK) forehead kiss in The Last Jedi. I know (this one) isn’t meant as romantic, and I know the question is probs about a romantic one and I know that it’s not even a real mouth kiss. But. That Luke and Leia scene was my favorite part of the entire movie. Again, I was missing Carrie a lot, and ugh, after all these years, after not getting to interact the entire previous movie and not at all during this movie, the ONE scene with Carrie and Mark and the pure emotion of it all just knocked me out of my fucking seat. You could see how connected they were as siblings, how much Leia had missed Luke, how much he had missed her and how sorry he was for leaving, sorry for Ben, sorry for having to leave her again now, Leia knowing Luke was about to die, and just, acceptance. Love and acceptance. It was just a final, tender kiss on the forehead, and it was perfect and yeah. If I do have to pick a romantic lip smooch, it’s probably the Hanleia classic “scoundrel” kiss in Empire Strikes Back. I still remember watching ESB the first time as a KID and being all eeeeeeee are they gonna– YES they kissed they kissed they kissed finally! and that’s enough for me.

FAVE FIGHT: Obi Wan and Anakin on Mustafar in Revenge of the Sith. WIthout question. It’s brilliantly and precisely choreographed to show the intricate nuances of the Obikin breakup in alllllll of its painful glory. It breaks my heart every time I watch it because every time I watch it I still hope it’s gonna end differently. That Anakin realizes he can’t kill Obi Wan and ditches Sidious and goes back with Obi Wan to save Padmé. That Obi Wan realizes he can’t let Anakin die and saves him from burning and from Sidious and takes him back too. That Obi Wan at least puts Anakin out of his misery which would be godawful painful, but would save him from the horrid life as Vader. That while they’re fighting, a lava monster appears like in the concept art and Vader and Obi Wan have to put aside their differences and fight the thing and remember how much they mean to each other. But ugh, this fight was beautifully choreographed and was originally supposed to be a MULTI-MINUTE SINGLE SHOT WHAT THE HELL??? Oooof Hayden and Ewan did such an amazing job and the whole thing just rips my heart out every time in the bestworst way possible

FAVE LINE OF DIALOGUE: Now THIS is hard, I’m not the best at picking favorite lines. Hmmm, this is HARD. Let me think. Gahhhh, it’s hard because I have so many lines I like and I can’t even just narrow down a couple!!! Ultimately, it’s probably gonna be Yoda’s monologue from Empire Strikes Back: “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter…” Just that entire line saying how basically all of us are more than the sum of our parts, that everyone is their own sparkling light made of stardust, I loved it as a kid and I love it now.

FAVE BOOK/COMIC: Answered here

FAVE HERO: Gonna go with Obi Wan! I already rambled about why I love him, but y’all……. I love him.

FAVE VILLAIN: Anakin Skywalker/Darth McFucking Vader. I loved him when he was a hero and the silly poor sad boy makes me sad when I see him as a villain all while being an overdramatic asshole and it just makes me wanna hit him with a newspaper for ruining his life and everyone else’s I love him.

FAVE OUTFIT: Answered here

FAVE CREATURE: I love Lothcats/Tookas! I just heckin’ love cats and now there’s spACE KITTIES WITH SUPER FOOFY TAILS AND BIG EARS OMG Y’ALL I LOVE THEM I JUST REALLY DO AND I REALLY WANT ONE SO I CAN CUDDLE IT ;_;

WHEW. That was all of the faves, thanks so much for asking me!!! Sorry this took so long to do, this was kinda a hell week haha!

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gegenji · 5 years

Photo

(Chachanji Gegenji) Saint Fathric's was usually a pretty serene and idyllic location, out and away. Perfect for tasty grasses for sheep or playing hide-and-seek. Very serene. However, that serenity was somewhat marred by the racket that seemed to be coming from below the lip of the cliff. Scratching, scraping, rumbling, and the sounds of rocks cascading into the lake below. And some low whining. (Chachanji Gegenji) "Do I -hafta- climb it thi' way? 'm sure there's gotta be a better way fer me ta get up there..." Silence. "Well, yeah, thi' DOES make it easier but..." A shorter beat. "N-no no no, thi' is fine! I dun need more!"

(Metarutaru Koradrixl) An unhelmed dwarf would begin his survey around Saint Fathric's. Concerning reports have mentioned of a powerful monster causing quite a bit of trouble for Il Mheg and even the Outskirts of Lakeland, so he's taken up the job to defeat this creature for the citizens' safety... and the money of course, can't forget that. (Metarutaru Koradrix) "Whew! Quite the climb! Shame I couldn't bring Gidgett with me, but she oughta be fine waiting back at Lakeland." (Metarutaru Koradrix) "Now where is that thing..."

(Chachanji Gegenji) The scrabbling and scratching would continue to grow louder until a rather sizable hand crested the lip of the cliff face to dig for purchase into the dirt and grass above. Followed shortly by the rest of a rather oversized-looking Lalafell (or helmetless Dwarf, here on the first) pulling himself up and flopping down in the dirt. "Ugh. Agh."

(Metarutaru Koradrixl) Hearing a voice that... definitely doesn't sound like a monster, but louder than he expected nonetheless, would turn to the source of the voice. "Lali-WHAT!?" He would be shocked at the sight! A Giant Dwarf! A contradiction if he ever heard one! Perhaps that is the monster causing all the mayhem! He'd have a hand on his weapon, ready to attack as he moved closer... (Metarutaru Koradrix) "What in all of Norvandt...?"

(Chachanji Gegenji) Whatever the oversized creature was, it was breathing heavily from its exertions. Which ended in a long, rumbling groan as it pushed itself up and into a seated position with a very upset look on its face.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Well! Part of me feels it's hardly sporting to fight a monster that seems ready to keel over on it's own, but regardless!" He hops down from the rock. "Lali-Ho to you, ya foul experiment gone wrong! When I heard something was terrorizing citizens, I didn't know it was some-one-!"

(Chachanji Gegenji) Those large, long ears wiggled at the voice and he looked about. "H-huh? Someone's already found th' monster?" the understandably monsterously-sized figure mused in surprise - failing to notice the Dwarf as he clambered up to his feet to look around for where the beastie might be. Not entirely realizing that the Dwarf had been talking to him.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Hey! Don't you go ignoring me, you overgrown hunk of slag! And don't play dumb either! Course the monster's been found. I'm lookin' at ya right now!" He'd claim to the giant with a huff under his breath. To be looked down upon by another dwarf, and literally, no less!

(Chachanji Gegenji) Those long ears wiggled again, and the paradoxical giant dwarf finally had the sense to -look down- and see the other figure not even thirty fulms away from him. "... Oh hey, I didn't think I'd see 'nother Lalafell out thi' way!" he stated in surprise, kneeling down to get a better look at him. "Ya sayin' somethin' 'bout how ya found th' monster?"

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Whaddya mean If I found the monst- YOU! You're the monster! And what the heck is a Lalafell anyway! Eesh, whatever those pixies did to you must've warped your brain too! Don't worry, poor, corrupted Dwarf. I'll put ya out of your misery caused by those troublemakers, yeah?" He felt a bit bad about it. Poor guy must've been subjected to such horrible pixie magics to have them do his bidding and such.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "M-me...?" Chachan echoed, pointing to himself before scooting back a half-step as the pieces clicked into place. Which was a decent distance, comparatively. "A-ah! N-no no no! 'm-m not a monster! Honest!" He waved his hands out wildly in front of himself as if that would clear the air between them in a figurative sense.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Riiight, and I'm the bleeding Crystal Exarch!" He shook his head. "You're as tall as a small hill, when I got reports of a monster terrorizing the folks of Lakeland and Il Mheg." He looks around. "And I don't see anything else that would qualify as monstrous here! So what would that make you, hm?" (Metarutaru Koradrix) the Dwarf seemed a bit unconvinced at the scared giant dwarf/monster's claim.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "I-I dun ev'n know who tha' is!" he stammered back. "'n-n I haven't ev'n been outside'a Il Mheg! 'm tryin' ta find th' creature too! 's-s why 'm up 'ere!" He looked about wildly. "Gria! W-where'd ya go? A lil' help!" There was a flash of light and a delighted giggle and the oversized beast started getting LARGER. "N-not like tha', Gria!"

(Metarutaru Koradrix) He jumped back a bit. "Oh! Going to make it a challenge I see! You and that twisted little master of yours are going to have to go down!" He bangs upon his chest a few times to psych himself up, ready to take down this threat!

(Chachanji Gegenji) "'m-m not tryin' ta challenge anythin'!" the now excessively large Lalafell rumbled out, stumbling back another couple steps - the ground cracking dangerously beneath him as he neared the cliff edge.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Well, you'd better explain yourself, or I'll gladly find out if cowards float!" He got up the rock to be able to be somewhat closer to face level with the giant... though it's not by much.

(Chachanji Gegenji) Despite the obvious size difference between the two, the much larger one seemed very visibly upset by all this. "'m-m tryin' ta! Y-ya jus' dun believe me!" Seeing the dwarf clamber up onto the rock, he sat down to try to be closer to eye level. Hopefully so they could converse better and reach an understanding. "'m-m not normally thi'... big! Gria thought it'd be th' best way fer me ta get up 'ere ta find th' -actual- monster!" (Chachanji Gegenji) The ground rumbled dangerously again as that much Lalafell settled into a seated position (Chachanji Gegenji) ... Of course, even atop the rock, the dwarf was only up to the oversized fellow's knees.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Hey! Mind not taking the entire mountain with ya!?" He almost lost his balance for a moment. "Look... You can't really blame me for thinking you're the monster. No Dwarf is as big as a hill!" He decides to sit down. "Alright, be level with me here. What's the deal, yeah? Who are ya, what is this Lalafell you're talking about when we're clearly Dwarves... at least you -Look- like one."

(Chachanji Gegenji) "A-ah! S-sorry!" he yelped, reaching out to try and catch the dwarf before hesitating and instead drawing into himself. Trying to stay as still as possible. He looked... honestly hurt. Ready to cry even. "I-I know thi' ain't normal..." he whimpered, another odd sound coming from someone of his stature. "'m-m Chachanji. 'n... um... I thought WE was Lalafell..." He motioned between the two of them. "Th-though I guess ya call us Dwarves ov'r 'ere in North Rant?" (Chachanji Gegenji) "Gria kept callin' me one too."

(Metarutaru KoradrixCoeurl) Now he just felt bad. Fighting a monster is supposed to be a fearsome, angry, and dangerous encounter!.... Not this. "Okay okay, no need to start with the waterworks. Il Mheg's got enough water with the Fuath in the lake." He shook his head. "So, Chachanji yeah? Definitely not a Dwarf name I've heard of before. Yeah, in -Norvandt-, we're known as Dwarves, as opposed to... Lah-lah-fell? from wherever you're from... Must've been somewhere real far out there before the whole Flood." He ponders.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "Flood?" he echoed curiously to himself, trying to both quiet his sniffling and also think of any floods he knew of. The one that came to mind was, of course, the one his brother spoke of - the flood that ended the War of the Magi. The Lalafell on this side of the world had been over here THAT long? Chachan looked honestly impressed as he rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. "A-ah, I-I 'spose so. Pretty far 'way. Th' pixies brought me 'ere ta play." (Chachanji Gegenji) "'n help 'em wit monsters 'n stuff... w-which 's why I came up 'ere."

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Well... if that's really the case... Pixies do have a habit of messing with anyone and everyone. The fact that they didn't flat out turn you into a leafman or leave you lost forever is, honestly impressive on its own! So, what's say we start over, Chachanji. I'm Koratt, formerly of the Tholl tribe. I'd shake your hand but uh, your hand would crush my whole body... So a proper Lali-ho will suffice!"

(Chachanji Gegenji) "A-ah... I-I think they have more fun makin' me huge like thi'..." he stated, rubbing at the back of his neck. Their interest in that - and his reactions to it - were probably what was keeping them FROM turning him into a leafman. At the comment of the handshake issue, he raised a hand and waved it worriedly. "A-ah, I wouldn't crush ya! H-honest!" Though, seeing Koratt seemingly more keen to do this... custom, he tried to mimic it back. "'s-s nice ta meetcha, Mr. Koratt."

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Well! It's good to meet ya! Sorry about the uh... threatening to kill ya thing. And Shoot, if you're here to fight the monster too... I'd have no qualms 'bout working together! So long as you make sure I don't wind up like dirt under your boot, yeah? Don't want my life to end by an accident."

(Chachanji Gegenji) "'s-s fine, honest..." Chachan admitted, though his smile was a sad one. "'s-s not s'prisin' folks'd think 'm... w-well... a monster." He shook his head as if to dismiss the gloom from his mind and gave a bit warmer smile. "O-oh, ah, sure thin'! 'd be up fer workin' t'gether. 'n-n I ain't gonna step on a new friend! O-or anyone, fer tha' matter."

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Hey, if you wanna step on the monster I'm all for it! So! Let's see if we can't find this critter causing trouble in Il Mheg, Chachanji!" He nods, eager to lend a hand now that this prior confusion is dealt with... and hey, if they're busy messing around with him, here's hoping the Pixies won't start messing with him too! That'd be troublesome otherwise.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "W-well... i-if'n I hafta..." the oversized pacifist stated, lifting the dwarf up on his glove as he got to his feet. Which incidentally gave Koratt a pretty good vantage point to look around for where the creature would be. Being this high up was pretty handy! "I-I honestly dun like hurtin' anyone, but we can't let some monster go 'round hurtin' others neither..."

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "The way I see it, a bit of violence be necessary to keep the peace! Specially the way things have been now that all that corruption's going down! People and critters getting rowdy now that the end of the world isn't really coming to pass and whatnot. Still wishin' I can thank the folks who did all that work to fix things in Norvandt..." He let out a sigh, but he seemed content. "Now then!... Hmm... little critter, where would I hide if I were it...." Metarutaru Koradrix looks around.

(Chachanji Gegenji) Chachan blinked at that. The corruption was probably those Sin Eater things he'd help chase off now and then. Like ashkin or voidsent, really. But end of the world? Maybe that whole Bahamut thing had ramifications all the way out here? The oversized Lalafell shook his head. Now wasn't the time to worry too much about that. "R-right, th' monster, um..." He looked about too, scanning around from his sizeable vantage point for wherever this ACTUAL monster had gotten off to. (Chachanji Gegenji) "... Mebbe in those ruins ov'r there?" He pointed with his free hand.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Ah! That's as good a spot as any! Could be there or maybe hiding in a cave nearby or something. being all sneaky and whatnot, you know?" Metarutaru Koradrix nods to you.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "Ah, if'n they're in a cave then 'm gonna have pro'lems if'n Gria keeps bein' a meanie." The Lalafell would quickly regret those words, as the Pixie in question didn't take too kindly to being called a 'meanie.' "Maybe ye need ta be as big as yer mouth!" came an irate chime from up by Chachanji's ear. The oversized Lalafell panicked as more magic was pumped into him, covering his new friend carefully in both hands until it was over. When it was, Koratt had a much higher viewpoint. (Chachanji Gegenji) "'n ev'n moreso now," he sighed, moving quickly away from the cliff edge as it groaned worrisomely under his bulk. (Chachanji Gegenji) Once at the ruins - which was a matter of a few steps at this scale - he set his new companion down gently in front of it.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Ah jeez! Whatever is causing you to grow, mind telling her to slow it down some? You're gonna break everything the way you keep growing, villages included!" He shook his head a she was set down. "Hmm... Least we're both in one piece. Anyhow!" He would move in closely and would see the ruins. "Hmmm.." He'd take a small bag inhand toss it in the ruins, before keeping hidden behind the wall. The bag would pop and something that seemed sparkly would fly about in the ruins... (Metarutaru Koradrix) (A Glitter-like material! cuz it's always so hard to get that off of ya. Easy to find invisible folk with it! (Metarutaru Koradrix) well, if it's there!)

(Chachanji Gegenji) "'s-s Gria, sorry," he stated quietly as he gently settled down into a seated position to keep watch from outside the ruins. Even seated he could see a fair bit, and trying to help with the search would likely cause more harm than good until he at least convinced his upset pixie friend to get him back down to more manageable sizes.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) Looking carefully in, among the glitter there would be juuust a few specks of the glitter not on the ground or on the ruins walls, but instead floating... a tad unnaturally at that! "There you are, you sneaky little bugger..." Meta mutters and looks to his new giant friend and gives a nod to confirm something is indeed in there! He can't see it though aside from the specks of glitter on it, and wonders. "Does your magic mumbo-jumbo let you see it?" He'd ask.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "A-ah, I jus'... get big. If'n it's hidin', ya can prolly find it better'n I can..." he admitted. "I can... um... try'n spook it out by movin' th' rubble 'round or somethin'?" (Chachanji Gegenji) He likely could also just crush it at this size, but he didn't seem too keen on pointing that out. Not without knowing what it was first - if it was a sin eater or an ashkin or something, sure. But if it was a living thing - or, worse, another person - he wanted to try and avoid outright killing it if possible.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Hmm... Nah. you're big, so tell ya what, let's figure out what it is. If it really is a monster or not, I'm gonna draw it out. If it's dangerous, we get rid of it, if it ain't we'll see if we can't catch it and find a better way to deal with it! The Nu Mou are good with magic and might be able to help pacify it if we catch it, if it's worth saving."

(Chachanji Gegenji) "A-ah, so 'm on catchin' duty then?" the Lalafell asked with a sudden bright eagerness at the thought of capture over killing, shifting in his positioning so he was on all fours. "I-I'll do me best!" Somewhere nearby, Gria couldn't help but laugh at this visual of an oversized Lalafell hunkered down in front of the mouth of the ruins like a cat at a mouse-hole.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) Koratt ran in and cause a ruckus, letting out a burst of energy. It would be successful in revealing what was hiding in there, and Indeed it was indeed their quarry! A sin eater, and a Bear-sized one at that! Which compared to Koratt would be large indeed. "Ah-ha! There you are, you little bugger! You're done hurtin' the Lakeland folk!” (Metarutaru Koradrix) Koratt would move out of the ruins, the Bear-like sin eater following angrily, but it would only make it easier for Chachanji to assist once out!

(Chachanji Gegenji) Chachan started to lunge when Koratt was the first one out, but noted it was his friend just in time to hesitate - hand over the doorway but letting him go past. Due to that, however, when the sin eater came out right on his heels, he was too slow and the hand slammed down right behind the beast as it chased after the dwarf!

(Metarutaru Koradrix) With the hand behind the bear, Koratt is confident! The monster can't get away now! He smirks and charges the bear, using aetherical energy to slam into it hard, and knocking the sin-bear into the giant Dwarf's hand!

(Chachanji Gegenji) The sin eater crashes into the oversized Lalafell's thumb, and he's quick to rotate that hand and completely engulf the beast in it. It's like he's holding a guinea pig rather than a huge bear monster. His grip isn't super tight, and the beast wriggles and flails against him - clawing and biting at those large fingertips. Chachan winces in pain, but refuses to let go! (Chachanji Gegenji) "Th-thi' looks like a sin eater!" he states the obvious.

(Metarutaru Koradrix) Wouldn't be able to get a good clean shot at the bear as he'd like, due to the creature's wriggling and writhing. He'd get a swipe in, but the bear's struggling would get him hit with it's hindpaw, sending him back quite a bit. "Ack!"

(Chachanji Gegenji) "A-ah! Koratt!" Chachan yelps in alarm at his new friend being backhanded (or backpawed?) like that. Distracted by it, the sin eater gets a solid CHOMP on his thumb and the oversized Lalafell yelps and loosens his grip just enough that it's able to wriggle free!

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Grr! I ain't letting some bear make a meal of me!" He gets back up and would charge at the now freed bear! Taking a blocked hit from the sword, it pushed him back a bit and winced, but he went right back in and fought the creature tit-for-tat. thanks to the struggle earlier from their teamwork, it wouldn't be able to keep up and eventually fell, though Koratt was quite winded and a fair bit hurt too. "Hah....hah... Whew... Sin Eaters always are, quite something..."

(Chachanji Gegenji) Chachan wanted to assist in the scrap but the two were too interlocked with each other for him to get a blow without risking hitting his companion as well. His hand hovered nervously back and forth trying to find an opening until the stalwart dwarf got the final blow in. As the beast slumped to the ground, Chachan shook his hand before lightly suckling on his bit thumb to numb the pain some. Given the size difference, it hadn't broken skin but that monster's jaws had PINCHED it pretty good. (Chachanji Gegenji) Given the creature was a soulless husk like an ashkin, and leaving any chance of it still able to move could result in his new friend or someone else being further harmed - or infected! Chachan only felt a twinge of regret for the life the bear once had before its transformation before he slammed a fist down into it, tendrils of white smoke curling up around the impact. (Chachanji Gegenji) "Th-there," he added as a bit of lame finality before looking to his friend. "A-are ya akay, Koratt?"

(Metarutaru Koradrix) Koratt winces a bit at the sight of the crushed sin eater, full glad he is on his side and actually didn't try to hurt the giant Dwarf before! He opts to sit down. "A little banged up... But nothing I can't get over with some rest, recovery, and alcohol, heh..." He snickers a bit before wincing. "Ow. How about you? He... He didn't infect you, I hope, did he cut your stab you with his claws?" He asked, visibly very concerned for Chachanji as he is unsure.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "Ah, I can help wit tha' a lil'..." he offered, holding a very large hand over the Dwarf. The hand would glow with a faint golden light as he sent some healing energy into his companion. His healing magic was usually rather weak - not good for much beyond minor scratches and scrapes - but bolstered with some of the extra aether in him due to his increased size, it would actually be able to do SOME actual mending. His form actually dwindled a bit in size as that aether was used up, but it would-- (Chachanji Gegenji) be difficult to notice given it was a couple fulms out of around a hundred and fifty. (Chachanji Gegenji) "'n 'm fine, dun worry... th' bites 'n stuff hurt, but it didn't break skin."

(Metarutaru Koradrix) He would feel himself getting better already! He smiles brightly at him. It would at least be enough to get back home safely, for sure. He nods to him. "Wow, wasn't expecting that... Thanks a bunch. Man, do I owe you an apology and then some for earlier! Tell you what, if you can find a way to be proper sized to walk into a town, You just have to let me treat you to some good food and drink! The least I could do for helping me here, Chachanji." Metarutaru Koradrix smiles at you.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "'m sorry I can't heal much more'n tha'. Ain't never been too good at it," Chachan stated apologetically, but with a smile. "'n-n dun worry about it. I... kinda can't blame ya fer thinkin' I was th' monster, y'know?" The smile is slightly tinged with sadness, but not nearly as much as before. Hard to be as upset about it when misunderstandings were corrected and a new friendship was forged! "'n-n 'm sure Gria'll help get me back down ta size." He scratched at his cheek. "I figger I owe 'em an-- (Chachanji Gegenji) apology first, though."

(Metarutaru Koradrix) "Well... Alright, I won't question magic shenanigans in Il Mheg... But if ya got the time, Meet me sometime at the Ostall Imperative! It's south of the gate to Il Mheg itself, and I'll treat ya! I need to head back to them and give 'em a heads up things are all safe here now. Well, as safe as Il Mheg can be, hah! I'll see you soon Chachanji!"

(Metarutaru Koradrix) He waves farewell to him, and making sure not to be in Il Mheg too long, risky business that is after all. He'd begin to work on his trek back down, revitalized by the healing.

(Chachanji Gegenji) "Ah, sure thin'. Will ya be able ta get down alright or...?" he started to offer, but the dwarf was already on his way. So he just gave him a wave as Gria twirled into existence next to his oversized ear, hands on hips. "Sure as ye are over a hundred fulms tall, Chachanji," they stated with a pout. "Ye -better- be apologizing! I gave you all that aether and you call me a MEANIE."

#ffxiv screenshots #rp log #first rp #metarutaru #koratt #chachanji #gria gai #dwarves #lalafell

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moon-yeongjun · 5 years

Text

We’re not saviors if we can’t save our brothers || Moon Bros

Summary: This is all the way back in November when Jun first receives the call from Tae that their father is dying.

TW: panic attack, talk of death, cancer

@moon-yeongtae

TAE:

If Tae never had to look at roasted seaweed packages again in his whole entire life, it would still be far too soon. His Appa had found an outlet selling them in bulk and he’d decided to buy them all up and turn them for a profit. Now they were the MoonLight Special and Tae had to painstakingly stack them up on one of their end displays every couple of hours. Because his Appa had been right. People loved seaweed.

It was at times like these that he wished he was doing literally anything else. He would even rather be doing homework or sitting in detention or feeding the fucking chickens and he hated that chore. Those fucking chickens were just so gross and dirty. He always stepped in their shit and they would run around his feet and get in his way like they had a death wish. Stupid birds.

Even if they were kind of cute.

Tae shot a glare over at the back of his Appa’s head as the man helped bag groceries for a customer. So dumb. Why did he have to work here every stupid day? His Appa even had his Eomma here today cashiering. It was like this Market /was/ the family. His Appa cared about it more than he cared about them.

Tae was hit by an overwhelming urge to throw all of the seaweed onto the floor and go stomping out of the store. He didn’t even know where he wanted to go. Just anywhere but here.

Maybe he would go see Nemo.

Well, maybe he would text Nemo and ask if he could see him. It wasn’t like he could just go marching into the hollow and knock on Nemo’s door. He was way too big for that and also he didn’t know where it was.

Nemo would make him feel better, though. He always did. Because Nemo was a cool breeze on a summer day. He was bright and bubbly whenever the fog threatened to settle around the day. Tae had gotten used to having Nemo around--used to his warm presence pressing up against his own anger and sadness and making them feel less real. Or at least further away.

Tae stacked the seaweed and listened to the hum of the refrigeration unit a couple aisles down. The seconds stretched out in front of him, thick and goopy like molasses, and he trudged through, huffing as he went.

Only two more hours and he could go ho—

“Yeong-tae!”

His Eomma’s voice sliced through the lazy atmosphere like sharp steel and when Tae looked up, blackness started to creep in around the edges of his vision.

It was only the sound of his Eomma’s voice, yelling again, that reminded him to breathe while his world was crumbling beneath his feet.

“Call an ambulance!”

But Tae couldn’t do anything. He was frozen. Stuck. He tried to move his hand to his pocket--he thought he had--but when he tried to grip his phone, he realized his hands were still full of seaweed and his Appa was still lying on the floor, not moving. He didn’t even look like he was breathing.

Appa is feeling a little sick right now, but everything will be okay.

Are you going to tell Jun? Is Jun coming home?

No, Tae. Jun is busy with his studying. We shouldn’t bother him with this. Appa is alive and breathing and he’s going to be fine.

Okay, Eomma.

Breathing.

“Hey. Hey kid, are you okay? Hey.”

Tae was aware of something shaking him--a gentle hand on his shoulder. When he looked up (how had he gotten on the floor?) a woman was looking down at him, her brow furrowed in concern, and she held a phone to her ear.

“Yes, I need an ambulance to Moon Market. A man has collapsed.” A pause. “No, I don’t know him. His wife is with him. I don’t know if he’s breathing.”

It was suddenly too hot. Beads of sweat rolled down Tae’s forehead and into his eyes, stinging. He needed to get out of here. He needed to move. Why couldn’t he move? God, if his legs would just move he could run and run and maybe he could run fast enough and turn the world backward on its axis and maybe this would’ve never happened. Maybe his Appa would be yelling at him to stack the seaweed better and he would be grumbling and oh god were those sirens?

Just like that, Tae’s body remembered how to move. He also remembered Jun. He remembered how Jun didn’t know Appa wasn’t feeling well and maybe this sickness was worse than his Eomma had said. Maybe it was really bad. Maybe their Appa was—

Tae shot up like a rocket and ran for the back office, nearly tripping on scattered seaweed. His fingers fumbled in his pocket for his phone as he ran.

Jun. Jun. Jun.

Each thud of his heart.

Each slap of his feet.

His fingers found the contact right before he slammed the office door shut and he listened to the ring. It drilled into his panicked brain and he collapsed into his Appa’s chair, his legs shaking and his chest heaving.

“Answer the phone, Jun,” he begged. “Please, God, let him answer the phone.”

JUN:

Jun was working

This was not surprising to anyone, least of all to Jun himself, whose last vacation had been an extended weekend home to Swynlake through Easter Monday roughly seven months ago, during which he still technically had worked---helping Eomma with the Easter Dinner, working with Abeoji to put down a fresh layer of mulch over the garden, and weeding around the tomatoes and strawberries from 5 in the morning to well past noon. Working with his hands in this way had nevertheless been a break for Jun’s brain, if nothing else. It was his brain he used here in the pediatric ward and his brain that only shut off when he was asleep, and occasionally between the hours of midnight and 3 in the morning, when he logged onto Overlands and decimated the enemy army with his biotic rifle.

But right now it was 4pm and Jun was supposed to work until 11pm tonight after which he needed to pick up food for Tiffany before she began the night shift. They were scheduled for a dinner date in the cafe on the first floor of the hospital. He would get home around 11:45 p.m., where he would probably pass out, since he was scheduled to work from 8 to 8 tomorrow.

Jun kept this calendar in his mind at all times. If it was not in the forefront, it was in the back, as he reviewed blood tests and reorganized this charts and bounced from room to room—

This schedule did not account for a 4pm call from his dongsaeng.

He’d been on the way to a patient’s room. He was fifteen minutes behind all his appointments, which he knew was quite annoying. But when the phone rang with his special Tae ringtone, he’d nearly smacked right into a bathroom door as it opened.

Tae hadn’t called him from his phone in...

Jun couldn’t remember. Ever? Possibly ever? Ah, and that meant whatever it was, it was not good. A thousand horrible possibilities flashed through his brain as he ducked into an empty room at the hospital: Tae having been arrested for some public disturbance and needing bail money, Tae having hijacked a car and driven it into Atlantis Lake and needing money for the damage, Tae stranded in Bristol needing Jun to wire him money—

“Tae-yah,” he answered the phone in a rush. “Agh, I’m in the middle of a shift, what did you do now?”

TAE:

The phone rang and Tae was trapped.

He was trapped in this sort of space where nothing was happening yet everything was going wrong around him. It was like he was pushing and pushing to do something and the brrrng of the phone held him back. It laughed at him and told him how useless he was--how utterly useless. And Tae knew it was right. That incessant ringing knew his darkest secret. He was helpless. There was nothing he could do to make any of this right.

He couldn’t fix his Appa.

He couldn’t make hyung answer the phone.

He couldn’t—

Jun’s voice came over the line, low and rushed, and all of the breath in Tae’s lungs was pushed out in a shaking sob. When had he started crying?

“Hyungie.”

It was more of a whine than anything really. He sounded so small and scared. He was so small and scared. “Hyungie, help. I don’t know what to do.”

Jun:

Hyungie.

Before Jun could say anything else, his brother’s breath hitched across the line. And as easily as that, Jun felt himself time-travel— leap back years and bridge the distance, so it was himself and Tae in the front yard, Jun holding a sobbing Tae to him as he gently cleaned dirt off his scraped knee. It was the first day of school, Tae’s tears dribbling down his cheeks, clinging to Jun’s trousers. It was Jun leaving for Oxford and Tae refusing to talk to him until the train pulled in and Jun took the first step toward it. Hyungie, he’d cried out to him. Hyungie, wait!

The letters on the chart in Jun’s hand all blurred together. The hospital murmur bled into cold static.

He couldn’t hear anything but his brother.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tae-yah, what’s going on—” Jun’s eyes darted toward the door he’d left ajar. He reached for it, pulling it shut. “Deep breaths, yeah? Deep breaths for me. Can you tell me if you’re okay?”

Please tell me that you’re okay. And Eomma, and Appa, and Sky and Star and Sunny… The pager at his waist went off, but Jun ignored it.

TAE:

Now Jun sounded worried and Tae panicked even more. Jun wasn’t supposed to be worried. Jun was supposed to know what to do all the time. Jun was his rock--his constant--and he never wavered, but his voice went cold and calculated which meant he was scared. Jun was scared just like Tae.

“I’m—” he gasped into the receiver. “It’s--we called the ambulance and I dropped all the seaweed, hyungie. I was supposed to be organizing it. Appa said organize the seaweed Tae-yah and I was doing that and then everything crashed and Eomma was screaming for an ambulance and Appa--hyungie, I don’t think Appa was breathing.”

His Appa hadn’t been breathing.

Tae couldn’t remember seeing the rise and fall of the man’s chest. “I was so mean to him, hyung. I talked back to him and what if it was my fault? What if I did this?”

Jun: We called the ambulance.

Icy panic gripped Jun, cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck.

Appa said organize the seaweed—

Everything crashed—

Eomma was screaming—

I don’t think Appa was breathing.

After his hal-meoni had died, Jun had stopped having nightmares. He had stopped dreaming altogether. Either he slept like he was dead, buried so deep in exhaustion he couldn’t even remember falling asleep, or he didn’t sleep at all. His exhausted eyes stayed peeled awake, like someone had nailed them open. He stared at the ceiling or he logged on with half his brain into an Overlands server, where he killed the after-midnight hours by adding new rooms onto his growing fortress, building block by block one click of his keyboard at a time.

If he had nightmares though, they’d come to him like this phone call. They would be about his family— about Abeoji and Eomma and Tae and Sky, Star, and Sunny. He wanted desperately to sit down, and he looked at the patient’s chair near the computer screen, and then at the examination table, where his eyes found a wrinkle in the sheet paper stretched across it. Something about that wrinkle grabbed him and he couldn’t look away. He stepped toward the table, smoothing his hand over the wrinkle like he could iron it down.

He did not know how to deal with nightmares, you see, he was desperately out of practice, but he knew about the body, and what to do— he knew what to do, he was a doctor, he knew what to do.

“Tae-yah, no, no, it’s not your fault,” he told his brother very calmly. He pressed down on the wrinkle of the sheet. “You didn’t do anything, but I need you to listen to me. We can help Appa together. Can you do that with me?” He had to go home. He had to go right now. Jun tugged the sheet of paper, the paper crinkling as he began to straighten it out. He kept talking. “I’m coming home. I am coming right now, but until I get there, you must be hyung, okay? I’ll stay on the phone with you-- go back to Appa, can you check his pulse for me?”

The paper was straight now, the wrinkle just a faint line, like a pencil mark. Good enough? Good enough.

He had to go home.

Yes, he had to go home.

Jun swept out of the examination room, his chart still tucked under his arm, his hand pressing his phone still close to his ear. “Is there a pulse? Is the ambulance there? Talk to me, Tae-yah.”

TAE:

It suddenly got very hard to breathe as Tae's throat closed around Jun's words and his palms started to sweat. There was no way he was going back out there. He couldn't do it. Even if he wanted to his body was frozen solid, incapable of moving from where it had burrowed away from all danger.

Jun spoke again and Tae shook his head, a whine slipping through his lips. "I c-can't move, hyungie. I can't do it. Appa was bagging groceries and he was fine. He's fine, right? He's going to be okay."

A million miles away he heard his Eomma calling his name. She was calling for him to come. Why did nobody understand that he couldn't move?

"Come home, please. I need you to come home. Why aren't you here? I need you, hyungie. Please." And now he was sobbing into the phone, his words barely coherent.

Jun:

There was a good chance that Abeoji would not be okay. Every worst case scenario presented itself to Jun as he sped through the clinic toward the front desk, the other half of his brain split off and thinking about the steps it would take to get home. The two were in precarious balance: medical disaster on one side, and everything that he needed to do on the other. And so Jun thought resuscitation-- chest compressions-- need to be doing chest compressions-- as he simultaneously thought-- cancel on Tiffany, reschedule my appointments, book the train, I need Tiffany to water my plants--

Tae cried on the other end, each gripping sob like the buffering wheel on Jun’s macbook. It got in the way. It was not helpful. With each gasp of Tae’s breath, Abeoji could have no breath at all.

A brain could last six minutes without oxygen.

“Yeong-tae!” Jun snapped-- loud. The receptionist startled the front desk and looked up at him.

The phone left his mouth for one moment. “Family emergency, cancel all my appointments, tell Dr. Karev-- page Dr. Schmitt to cover--”

He brought the phone back to his mouth. “Yeong-tae, listen! Stop crying. Stop it. Go to Abeoji right now and do what I say.” His voice then softened. “If you do exactly what I say, Abeoji will be okay. Eh? Would I lie to you? I’m a doctor. Go, now.”

TAE:

Chaos.

So many thoughts, fears, what-ifs and if-onlys scattered around haphazardly over his consciousness. His Appa was dying. He couldn’t stop it. His Appa was dead. He couldn’t fix it. Tae’s body flooded with warmth--everywhere except for his chest. His chest was ice cold and his heart hammered at his ribcage, threatening to break out. He was going to be like that dude in Alien--just a giant gaping hole where his chest used to be and he would deserve it because he was letting his Appa die.

He couldn’t--

Jun’s voice, sharp and clear, cut through the fog in his head. Suddenly, Tae’s lungs remembered how to breathe and his feet remembered how to move. Jun was a doctor. Jun knew what to do. Jun wasn’t here but Tae was here and Jun was yelling into his ear--telling him to do something that might help, something besides hyperventilating.

Appa would be okay, Jun said, if Tae could just listen and maybe Tae wasn’t always the best listener but he could listen now. He could listen to Jun and save his Appa.

His feet carried him back onto the sales floor and toward the register where his Appa lay on the floor, his Eomma shaking him and screaming.

“Eomma, move,” Tae said, his voice hard and cold.

“Hyung, tell me where to start. I see him. I’m so scared. You have to tell me what to do.” The fear was in his voice again, but he could be stronger than his fear. He could hold it back until his Appa didn’t need him anymore because Jun was there. His brother was helping him.

Jun:

Jun knew every way that this could go terribly wrong. He heard each one, repeated ad infinitum, in the harsh voices of every doctor who had supervised him. This IS life or death, they’d bark after exercises that went less than perfect. There is no room for error. You make a mistake, someone dies. You make a mistake, someone dies. One more time-- say it-- you make a mistake, someone dies.

This mantra, on a loop, pushed Jun faster out the door. His brain opened like a textbook.

He could only hope that their abeoji’s heart had not stopped-- that Tae was overreacting. He could only hope that Pride University’s hospital would be there within the next few minutes, not only to save Abeoji, but to save Tae-yah as well.

You make a mistake, someone dies.

“Check his pulse,” he said it again. “Make sure he is breathing, make sure his heart has not stopped. Feel his wrist for the heartbreat, Tae-yah. If you don’t feel it, you will do chest compressions, one hand on top of the other. You must use all your strength, Tae-yah, when you do this, do you understand? All of it, do not be afraid to hurt him. I will help you keep count.”

TAE:

Feel his wrist for a heartbeat.

Why was his heartbeat in his wrist? Why couldn’t Tae feel his neck or his chest or--Tae needed to listen to Jun. He needed to do exactly what Jun said because if he didn’t his Appa could die.

“No, nononono,” Tae whimpered. His fingers pressed into the skin of his appa’s wrist, trying to feel something, anything, that would tell him that he was alright, but Tae didn’t feel anything. Was he doing it wrong? That had to be it. He had to be doing it wrong because his appa wasn’t dead. He just wasn’t. It was impossible because appas don’t die. Appas live forever.

“Hyung, I don’t feel it. I don’t--he’s not dead, hyungie he’s not!” The last part of his sentence came out as a screech, searing his throat painfully. “He’s not he’s not he’s not. NO. Okay no. He’s--let me just--”

Tae leaned forward, placing his face right up close to his appa’s face, ignoring the fact that maybe he wasn’t his appa anymore. Maybe he was just a body. And that’s when he felt it. A tiny puff of air.

“JUN!” He screamed. He screamed it again and again. “He’s breathing! I felt it! Jun, he’s not--he’s--tell me what to do now. What do I do? He’s not moving but he’s breathing. It’s really light.”

Jun:

Jun looked up at the sky and let out his own breath.

Finally. The last few minutes had torn through Jun’s life like a bullet. Now his brother’s scream of joy was a wall he crashed into. Time stopped again, just as it had when the phone call came, only now maybe it would stay still like this, just long enough for Jun to figure out what to do next. All those important steps, all these things he had to do, they must be organized--

At least his abeoji was breathing, at least his heart had not stopped, at least Jun still had a father. He was not alone, even if he stood apart from the world, one figure paused standing in the middle of the parkway. Even then, his brother wept in his ear, Jun could hear the sirens on the other end-- the ringing of the Moon Market’s door as it opened--and his father was still alive. These were blessings. Jun must count each one, the same way he counted his grams of sugar and counted to ten with his young patients when drawing their blood.

When time started again, he was thinking of those little patients of his, so brave in the face of ten seconds of pain.

It was an old lesson, but a true one. You can do anything for ten seconds.

For the next ten seconds, Jun was going to go to his car. The ten seconds after that, he would turn it on and pull out of this parkway. On and on, he would build a road home to Yeong-tae and his family out of individual ten-second blocks. And at the end of this road, he’d greet his father again.

“I can hear the paramedics. Liten to them, Tae-yah,” instructed Jun. “I’ll be there soon, yes? Listen to the doctors, hold Eomma’s hand. Give me an hour, Tae-yah, and I’ll call again soon.” One hour, sixty minutes, 3600 seconds. Count to ten 360 times.

“Saranghaeyo, Tae-yah. You’re brave. You can do this.”

The phone clicked off, and Jun began to count to ten.

Hospitals were never quiet.

Train rides could be. Taxis often were. Swynlake’s streets, especially in the evenings, were often more full of crickets than people, and the spaces between the whirring allowed for plenty of time to think and prepare. In every step of his journey, Jun had used all this quiet space to create a list and then execute it. His plants would be well-tended by Tiffany; his shifts were covered; a real estate broker was contacted and his flat’s listing was already posted on a website. He called movers and he wrote his resignation letter on the train, then cracked his knuckles as he stared at the send button, before finally saving the letter as a draft and stowing his laptop away. All these steps Jun arranged like a game of chess, until he arrived at the hospital and the noise blasted through him again.

Machines beeping and chuggering and screeching; crying down the hall; footsteps on the tile; phones ringing off the hook.

It was all very familiar to Jun, who knew how to cut right through it and find his abeoji’s room number and the name of his doctor, all before he found his family.

But this was another thing on Jun’s list: find out what was wrong. Because no matter how busy Jun had kept himself on the journey here, the lack of answer stretched wide. It was the ultimate hole that he kept falling down. His abeoji was sick-- badly, badly sick. He hadn’t known. Eomma kept it from him, confessing to him only now, over the phone, that she and Abeoji had decided to keetp this secret together, that it was best he did not know because he was doing so well in his program. You know how he is about these things, Eomma sobbed. He didn’t want to worry anyone. He said it would get better. But the treatment. Not working. Getting worse. Help, Yeong-Jun, you must, I don’t understand what they are saying to me. Help, please.

So he hunted for answers, and after cornering his abeoji’s oncologists, Jun bullied his way into his father’s files. He flipped through every listed appointment. He studied page after page of test results from blood work, his eyes tracking the rising and falling of his white blood cell count. He looked at the scans and then he went to the radiologist and barked at him until he explained them to Jun, then explained them a second time.

Jun did not need to be an oncologist to know that the picture assembled from these disparate pieces was dire.

He did not need the doctor to tell him, but still he asked. Still he asked, what have you tried so far? And then is there anything else we can do?

And then, and only then, did Jun find his family in the waiting room.

Eomma lifted from the chair first and rushed toward him. She was a tiny woman-- no taller than 5’2, like his three sisters. She clutched him as a fresh wave of tears filled his eyes.

“You look so skinny,” she said, because this is what mothers say to their children when they cannot control anything else. “Have you eaten? There’s food here. There’s pizza in the cafeteria--”

“Eomma.” Jun rubbed his mother’s shoulders. “We should all sit down.”

He looked up, his eyes meeting Tae-yah’s. He’d come home in the beginning of the summer but the past few months had still added another inch to his brother’s frame. Or was it just the taekwondo that made him look bigger? Jun was struck every time he came home by just how much changed without him. He kept waiting for his baby brother to come toddling around the corner, shouting his name.

That boy was long gone now.

#para #moon bros

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veridium · 6 years

Text

sweetest goodbye

@bitchesofostwick I’m literally garbage and spewed this fluff onto my computer so here. it helped that your beautiful torturous fluff from last chapter was so so so good and inspired me.

PART 8 OF THE TRASH CAN FIRE COLLEGE AU FIC.

ON THIS EPISODE: The day after their party escapade, and Olivia has a choice to make -- take Cassandra up on her bet and show up at the Church, or skip out and move on for good. She makes a pact with Ellinor that they will do something to clean up the messes they’ve made; how successful that ends up being, well, only time will tell.

part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7

The worst part is the dry throat that comes when she first wakes up after a Friday of drinking and poor decisions. It always makes her cringe and curl into her bed face-down, until it’s too much to bear and she has to get up and drink a hydroflask’s worth of water from the dorm bathroom sink. That is, unless she wakes up and the first thing she sees is Ellinor’s feet -- which, incidentally, is what happens the morning after their night from hell.

She blinks her heavy lids open and sees them in all their glory: the chipped hunter green nail polish on her big toes, the crocheted anklet hanging on by a worn-down knot. She stretches her arms up and papers crackle -- taco bell wrappers no less.

She groans and pokes Ellinor in her ankle. Her ticklish instincts lead her to flinch and retract a foot into the comforter. A growl from the other end of the dorm twin bed.

“Errrrghhhh,” Ellinor stiffs, rolling over. “Fuck me.”

“You’re the only person I could wake up next to in bed and still be a hundred percent sure I did anything but that,” Olivia mutters back, rubbing her eyes with her knuckle. “What time is it?”

“Hell if I know.”

“Ugh.” She reaches back and slaps her hand a couple times on the nearby dresser searching for what feels like a phone. Finding it, she holds it up over her face only to drop it on her forehead. She winces and cusses under her breath before turning the screen on. “It’s...shit, it’s 2.”

“Too early.” Ellinor curls back over against the wall.

“Ellinor.”

She only burps, followed by a groan of disgust. “My burps taste like fire sauce…”

Olivia sighs heavy and pulls her arms up and over the blanket, folding them against her chest as she stares up at the ceiling. Trying to remember everything: the house party she had no idea about until it was too late. The whiskey -- the excessive whiskey. Cassandra arguing like an asshole in the hall, and her stupid bet. Getting in the car with Theia while Josie asks her what’s wrong over and over. Their arrival at a gay bar and her ordering another double old-fashioned to add insult to injury. Dancing on...tables? Tables.

That is where her memory goes hazy. She wishes it got like that sooner in the evening so she wouldn’t have to think about it all.

“Are you...gonna go?” Ellinor asks, seemingly reading her thoughts.

“I don’t think I should,” she replies honestly, exhaling. “I’m in no shape to be judged for all my mortal sins.”

Ellinors tucks herself deeper into the bed against her borrowed pillow. “Mmph. I don’t think she’s expecting a Saint to show up.”

“I don’t think she’s expecting me to show up at all.”

“Could you blame her, dude?”

She’s right. Grumpy, but right. It would be on-brand for Olivia to keep with her tradition of finding the exit and call it good. She checks her apps on her phone, taking it off DO NOT DISTURB. New messages from several people -- Theia, with a thumbs up after she confirmed they got back to the dorm. Her Dad, wondering why she hasn’t called. The student she’s tutoring wanting to reschedule...again. Then, Cassandra’s name comes up. A message sent at 9am:

--I can send you the address, if you’re planning on coming.

That’s it. That’s all. No tastefully added smiley emoji, no greeting like she would before. She used to say ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight.’ Olivia kind of misses it. But then her voice saying ‘Goodnight, Olivia’ with her understated smugness echoes in her head and compounds her nausea.

“What about Cullen?” Olivia diverts, tossing her phone onto her stomach. “You gonna handle that mess you made?”

“I didn’t make a mess,” Ellinor says resentfully. “I...I got out of hand, and ejected myself before it could get worse. I am glad I did.”

“Ellinor,” Olivia peers down at her, only seeing her bedhead of dark hair against the pillowcase. “He did the cool thing. You know, we like guys who do that cool thing. Right?”

Maybe that is the issue -- he was doing the cool thing. He always does the cool thing. Ellinor doesn’t know where to look for her excuse explaining why she blocks him out. There’s no idle vice, no insincerity, no pretentiousness. No foul taste in music or cinema. He’s just fine. Perfectly fine.

“Look,” Olivia adds, squirming in place. Her head aches. “I’ll cut a deal. I’ll...address my mess, if you address yours. You owe me that after lying to me like a dumbass. Right?”

Ellinor is quiet for a moment. Olivia expects her to say “nuh-uh” and go back to sleep, or start snoring without a word at all. But, to her credit, she rolls back over and peers down her nose, frowning but with acceptance.

“Fine.”

“Fine. You have until tomorrow night at Midnight to do it. Then, we are to have our shit swept under the rug where it belongs.” Olivia smirks bittersweetly, and pecks the side of her foot. “Asshole. I can’t believe you pulled that on me. I hate you.”

“I know. But it was pretty fucking hilarious.” Ellinor stretches her arms up above her head, hands in fists. “Besides, you were hot.”

She is right. She was hot. But dammit if Cassandra did not show a single lick of care in that regard. 2:00pm means she has an hour and a half to get her act together, whatever it is. Should she be spiteful and come dressed like a demonic sorceress with a need for a virgin sacrifice? Or should she play along and maybe not go full throttle-antagonist just yet?

Ellinor pinches her in the calf. “Don’t scare the Preacher into locking you up and exorcising you, please.”

Well, there’s her verdict.

TWO HOURS LATER…

For the second time in the weekend Olivia finds herself standing in front of a building she has no interest in entering, and yet, she is tasked with doing just that. Cassandra’s text was nice, but unnecessary; everyone knew where their Church was. It is a gaudy one, with bells, cobblestone facade, and all. It’s annoying, and old looking, and smells on the inside. At least, that is what she remembers from the last time she set foot in it when she was sixteen.

It’s 4:15. She’s late. But it’s fine. She tugs at the turtleneck collar of her black, crushed velvet dress than goes down to her knees. Around her waist is a black slim belt, and she’s wearing the same kind of black sheer tights from the night before. A compromise between wanting to stick it to Cassandra and accommodate the situation. And oxford heels, the most non-emo punk pair of shoes she owns. Her hair is in a neat top bun but she secretly wishes she had worn it down. Now she won’t be able to hide her face around its waves.

In the front where there is a podium by double doors, and the carpet is blue like she remembers. The side offices look locked up and desolate. She expects there to be several busybody Jesus-Juicers singing or praising the Lord on this fine Saturday evening, and yet, the place is so quiet she could hear a pin drop and scream Hallelujah.

She goes through the two doorways leading to the main chamber, where the two sides of long benches span down the length of the room towards the altar steps. The place is one of those Churches that tries its best to look old despite probably being built no farther back than 1995. Stained glass windows depicting sacred scenes up along the walls, flying buttresses that are probably just mostly plaster, and wooden pews.

She walks until she’s about halfway down the main processional walkway and stops. In the corner is the organ, the one she was forced to play on once. She was learning piano at the time, but her Mother thought she would do well to learn hymns via musical appreciation. It did not go well. The songs she learned were so repetitive, always so mundane to her kid self who wanted to be entertained. Just as she zones out into her childhood of repressed manners, a sound of creaking out from the other side of the altar stage. A door opening fast. In a flash Cassandra appears, dressed in black slacks like the ones she wore the night of the concert and a black button-down dress shirt. Tucked in. Of course. She looks surprised. Like, honestly surprised.

Olivia blinks. “Hello!”

Cassandra just stands there, looking like the Holy Ghost has stopped by with a cup of coffee and wearing a little, black, long-sleeved velvet dress.

Olivia swallows and starts walking to her. Slowly like a choir processional member. “Cat got your tongue?”

“I…” Cassandra gulps, looking back behind her fast before she refocuses on her guest. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

She furrows a brow. “Is that not what you do when you are invited somewhere?”

“Well, yeah, but…when you didn’t text back, I kind of just assumed...” she looks around again, this time back towards the doors from whence Olivia came. What, is she scared someone is gonna jump out and attack?

“You okay? You look…” Olivia comes around the front row and up the two steps, now standing parallel with her.

“Oh! Uh,” she clears her throat and cradles her arms under her chest. “Yeah. I think I just maybe...uh, nevermind. H-how are you? Did your night get better after your friends came and picked you up?”

It must have. Olivia can’t remember for sure, which is a good sign. Usually. “Agh, yeah,” she smirks, shrugging to one side, “we just did our typical nonsense. I’m still kinda out of it.”

“Right. I had a little too much rum and coke last night, myself.”

“Oh, you do drink rum?”

“Yeah. How did you…”

“I smelled it on your br--I mean, uhm,” she rubs her wrist to her throat and looks toward the altar mosaics. “Cool...cool stuff here. They still have the same sh--I mean, things, here, from what I remember.” She kicks at the ground with her shoe heel.

Cassandra grins, and steps closer. “I mean, religion kind of attests the adage ‘if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.’”

“I think quite the contrary,” Olivia meanders towards the table where the bread and water plates are laid out, clean and pristine, “you would be unpopular around Martin Luther and his friends.”

A chuckle. “Touche.” Cassandra arrives at her side and locks eyes with her. There’s no anger in her expression -- quite the opposite, actually. A reserved hopefulness.

“Listen, Cass--”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Cassandra shakes her head, sliding her hands into her pant pockets. “I get it. Church girl with a mean face turns up and shows interest. Must be an Inquisition on the wings.”

Olivia laughs nervously, tucking nonexistent hair behind her ears. “You said it, not me.” She looks back behind her at the empty room, so spacious and expansive, yet she feels closed in. “I...I admit I’m confused, though.”

“Confused? Why?”

“It’s just. I don’t know. You’re caring an awful lot about a simple friendship…” she scans the windows again, noticing the stark colors of the peoples’ clothes. “Especially one not founded on spiritual salvation.”

She lets her gaze fall on Cassandra, who looks rather engrossed in something. Something...someone, apparently, as her eyes are only on her. Another fleeting moment where Olivia thinks she sees the truth in her intentions, but can’t be sure. It’s one foot in, one foot out, and a door ready to slam on her fingers for daring to touch. But she smiles, and plays coy.

“What’s the matter?”

“...Nothing,” Cassandra’s brows lift, her eyes clearing as she looks away. “Hey, um, I did ask you here for a reason. If you have the time, I’d like to show you something.”

“Oh?” Olivia twists her shoulders, “is this where I meet Trevor?”

Cassandra walks towards the door she came in from, waving a hand casually as an invitation to follow her. “We don’t have a Trevor here. The band leader’s name is Peter, for your information.”

Olivia takes one last look at her surroundings before coming along. “Ah, Peter. Of course. What a non-denominational name.”

She hears another laugh as they walk through the door and down the narrow, white-painted hallway. It’s barely enough space to walk side-by-side, but they manage. Occasionally their shoulders brush, and Olivia merely clings tighter to her coat. They go a right, then a left, and then up a flight of steps, until another pair of double doors appears.

Cassandra looks at her with another careful grin before opening only one of them. She holds it for her, and Olivia glances at her with suspicion before walking inside. That suspicion melts into wonder as she enters a library hall. The tall shelves line the walls, only interrupted by tall, square windows. There’s a philodendron hanging off to one side, flourishing. The standalone rows of shelves match the dark wood on the walls. Books upon books fill the rows to the brim, and to the right there are study desks with lamps. The natural light coming in makes it all look like a portal into the 1940s.

She walks in and stomps her heel to a halt, mouth softly agape. Part of her wants to make a wisecrack, like ‘oh, is this where it’s all held before they burn it?’ but the part of her that prevails is curiosity.

“Why did I never see this room when I went here?” she spits out, turning around to face her. She leaning against the door frame, hands still in her pockets.

She shrugs. “It wasn’t here then. A couple years back the Church started housing missionaries, and they needed a place to study and hold meetings. My family is a patron of the Church, so, they helped furnish the renovation.”

“...Helped?”

Cassandra chuckles and steps in. “Alright. Pushed it. It’s one of the few things my family has done with their money that I don’t instinctively despise.”

“Are these all books on religion, then? Like, fifteen hundred different copies of the Bible?” Olivia looks at the closest shelf, trying to figure out for herself, but it’s just far enough for the spine titles to be unreadable.

“Very funny,” Cassandra stops a couple away “but no. They’re a lot of things. Religion, philosophy, law, poetics. Sometimes college and high school students borrow for their classes. I know some of the surrounding neighborhood kids come here to have a quiet place, too. It’s pretty neat.”

That is neat. Damn. Olivia looks at her and for the first time, genuinely smiles. No pretense, no clever quip. Just agreement. She remembers what it was like in the back of Cullen’s car, when they were still just small-talk and half-hearted laughs. That was what, a week ago? It feels like a month has passed.

“Is this where you bring all the ladies, then? To your cool little hideaway with hanging plants in the windows and a bunch of dead Greek men’s opinions at the ready?” She takes a risk in asking that. A gentle tease, but for someone not receptive to such an insinuation, a litmus test.

Cassandra blushes and rolls her lip. While she buffers, Olivia side-steps towards the shelf for a closer look. She lets a finger tug at a book -- something on the Middle Ages something-or-other, all the while her heart hangs on the response Cassandra is denying her. She holds the cover out to examine it, and footfalls sound off behind her.

“I come here to do assignments. Also to get away, if I am being honest,” she finally speaks, and her answer is not a correction to Olivia’s implication. Hopeful results indeed.

“It seems like an ideal hiding place,” she agrees, “does God provide wifi?”

“If God is AT&T, then yes.”

They look at each other, and Olivia quells a laugh in her throat. She has to hand it to her, she has a good sense of humor contrary to her stiff, formal exterior. Perhaps she has underestimated her.

“You know, I can’t really figure you out,” Cassandra changes the subject, thereby sliding the spotlight.

“What?” Olivia peers over her shoulder at her.

“I don’t know,” she frowns neutrally, shaking her shoulders again. “Agh, Nevermind.”

Olivia watches her as she places the book back on the shelf. She goes from exuding cool, some would even say strong-arm confidence, to falling back on her words. If anything, it’s Olivia that is left at a loss for figuring out her companion. But she won’t admit to that. That would mean she’d want to know in the first place. Instead, she swings around with a step and faces her again.

“In uh, in any case, since I see a deficit of weird men and Priests ready to douse me in Holy Water, I think you may have won a bet. So, Cassandra Pentaghast,” Olivia pulls at her dress on either side and makes a mock curtsy. “You have my profound apologies.”

“Thank you. I won’t say it was an easy feat.”

“Hah!” Olivia swings her foot to the left, preparing to walk away. Before she does though, she goes out on a limb and reaches out, taking Cassandra’s hand into hers. “Come on, show me around. There’s gotta be something vaguely socialist in here!” incessant in her teasing, but warmer this time.

Cassandra slouches, her head going back a bit as she grins. But she lets herself get pulled in, and for a moment all goes rosey and Olivia’s heartbeat skips. They’re gonna explore bookshelves, and pick out ones for each other, and argue, and quote excerpts, and somehow they’ll end up on the floor with stacks surrounding them, and someone will offer to order a pizza because hours have passed and they’re suddenly starving. Then they’ll argue over whether pepperoni is better with or without pepper flakes, and she’ll take her shoes off and walk on her toes across the wood. It’s gonna be fantastic, and maybe this once, she won’t sabotage the good time.

But then, A voice calls from the hall. Shit, had she spoken too soon? Was that her plan, to get the bet win and then impose the wrath of the Holy Church?

Cassandra flinches and falls back to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with her as a man comes in, their hands parting instantly. He’s also dressed head-to-toe in dark slacks, a dress shirt, but with the addition of a belt and polished men’s dress shoes. A man with an aged, calloused face and salt-and-peppered hair. He has sunglasses in his hands and a Rolex-looking watch on his wrist. He steps in imposingly.

“Cassandra. There you are,” he half-scolds, a heavier version of the accent that Cassandra has.

Cassandra’s voice stutters a bit. “Hello, Uncle.”

“Did you get any of my calls? We’re late for dinner. Who is this?” He motions his glasses at Olivia. Before either of them could answer, though, he does. “Wait...I know you. You’re the Sinclair’s daughter...O...Ophelia…?”

“Yes, my name is Olivia, Sir,” she says, disguising her unimpressed attitude with palatable manners. “I’m sorry, it was my fault. I kept Cassandra behind. I needed to return a book.”

Cassandra peers at her in muffled confusion, but does not correct her. Meanwhile, he gives Olivia the once-over, mouth open as he presses his tongue to his lower teeth. Not impressed. She knows all-too-well that face when people realize who she is. It’s no stranger. It still stings though.

“Right, well,” he nods. “Always a pleasure to see those of our flock that have gone wayward make their….necessary, returns.” Condescending prick. “Cassandra, the car is out back. Come on. I’m sure your friend can see herself out, or stay and continue to her...education.”

Olivia can feel the growing heat of resentment stewing beside her, but she keeps her cool.

“Alright, I will be down in a minute. Can I say goodbye at least?” Cassandra manages, calm but displeased.

He shoots her a concerned look, but steps back, clearly not all that invested in the intricacies of his niece’s misadventures when he could admonish her in private. Olivia is all-too-familiar with that method. He waves at her like he’s saying goodbye to a sales clerk or something, and leaves.

“So...that’s…”

“Yes.”

“Uh huh. Can I…”

“You can.”

She mutters in relief. “Asshole.”

Cassandra laughs under her breath and turns toward her. “That’s his thing, I’m sorry. He’s right though. I do have to go. I just…” she rocks back on her heels in a quick-paced rhythm as she bites her lip. “Does this mean I get another shot?”

“Another shot?”

A voice from faraway again. Him, probably saying her name. Cassandra looks but hardly wastes more than a second. “I can’t get into it now. Not here. I just…”

Olivia opens her mouth to say something,but she too struggles to find words. She does her best though, for the sake of reassurance. “I mean, totally. Yeah, we can be friends.”

Friends. Dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit.

That’s all that’s needed, though, to make Cassandra grin, and her face beam a little bit more like it had before her Uncle interrupted them. “Good. I’ll text you. Uh, see you soon, then?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Olivia smiles. “Uh, you like hugs?”

“Um...oh, yeah, that’s fine.” They are timid at first. Olivia, oddly enough, opts to wrap her hands around Cassandra’s neck as opposed to the quintessential side-and-shoulder platonic model. It makes her stomach flip as Cassandra wraps her arms around her waist, and even though it lasts no more than a second or two, it’s enough to make her want to know what it’s like for an hour, not just a breath. She smells like that Old Spice. And her grip is so strong and careful at the same time.

And just like that, she’s out of her hold and walking out of the door. Leaving her, alone, in a Church -- in the DEPTHS of a Church -- and she didn’t have to kidnap her to do so. What kind of skills did this girl have up those pressed-and-tailored sleeves of hers?

All by her lonesome, Olivia looks around and then deflates. She goes to her phone and pulls up her fellow oath-keeper’s name, and sees a new message already waiting for her.

--Do I have to rescue you yet?

She giggles to herself, and types. Turns out Ellinor was waiting, and her response is instantaneous:

Olivia: --No. But I’m heading back to campus.

Ellinor: --Everything ok?

Olivia: --Yeah...I think??

Ellinor: --Wait, wtf?!

Olivia: --I’ll talk about it later.

She walks out into the hall, and just as she is about to go downstairs, her phone goes off again. This time, it’s Cassandra:

--Hi. Sorry, but, I have to be in this car for an hour. You have any song suggestions?

She smiles and bites her lip. This is a critical decision. Should she play it cool and send something technically good, but without implicit symbolism? Cassandra seems like the kind of person who likes more easygoing, measured tunes. Not heavy and raw, or dark and doom-wishing. She taps on her phone case for a second, blushes, and pulls up the Spotify link:

--Songs About Jane is always good to revisit. Start with track 12. Good luck!

She then goes to her own app and turns on the track, titled, “Sweetest Goodbye,” and continues her exit with headphones in.

#college au #adventures of ellinor and olivia #friend fic!#ellinor trevelyan #olivia sinclair #modern!olivia

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osmw1 · 5 years

Text

Crowbar Nurse Chapter 4 — You Have Been Warned.

Now that we had made our plans, we had to go through with them.

That mentality was only natural for us slaves to society who create and support the nights of Japan. Finishing up our conversation, we put our plans into action.

“After we collect all the items, we will leave our current area of Downtown and hurry towards the safehouse in Uptown.”

I glanced around restlessly at our surroundings as I spoke to Kiryū.

“The safehouse is… well, it should be safer than everywhere else at least.” “… that’s an odd way to put it. It almost sounds like you’re trying to say that the safehouse isn’t actually safe.”

I could but shrug at his keen inference.

“Unfortunately, you’ve hit the nail on the head. More zombies spawn with every moment that passes. That means there are less safe spaces and makes it harder to beat this game. The safehouses are safe for the first few days though…” “Safe until the zombies encroach into the safe zone?” “Yes.”

He guessed everything correctly.

“Zombies will attack at random intervals after the first few days. If you don’t kill all of the zombies within seven days, a cutscene will play, showing the player being overrun by zombies and forcing a game over. Driving them back will probably buy you some more time, but… it’s not like you can do that anyway. It’s best to just not think about the what-ifs of a game over.”

We were back at the large window from which we came. There were already two, three zombies waiting to fall victim to my assault rifle.

“Wahahahaha, rot in hell!” “… umm, no offense, but are you, y’know… someone who gets too excited from killing people?” “Offense taken! I don’t get off on it, if that’s what you mean. I just like to take out my stress and anger on zombies. They’re inherently evil creatures who were created for the sole purpose of getting killed. No mercy, okay? … a-ha, ahahahaha!” “Never have I thought that any human being would have such a beautiful smile on their face while on a murderous rampage. … but having that said, instead of me defending a younger girl, I feel like I’m the one who has to be protected…”

Kiryū scratched the back of his head, awkwardly standing around.

“Not that I actually need it though. But this is full of surprises. I didn’t think I’d be traveling with a zombie game junkie like you either.” “What, was that a compliment? You’re so nice.” “No, that wasn’t. I’m actually quite shaken…”

He scrunched up his face a little before shaking his head, to which I forced a smile.

“… to tell you the truth, I’d been obsessed with zombie games, so you’re not too far off calling me a junkie. Well, before I got caught up with my practicum and work at least. You’re in safe hands, Kiryū, so don’t worry—s’all good. I may be a little scared, but we’ll make it out of here somehow.” “Your easygoing attitude is rather reassuring, y’know? I had pretty much lost all hope until I found you.”

For a moment, our bitter smiles are mutual until Kiryū suddenly frowned.

“… that being said though, isn’t it weird how you can handle an assault rifle in real life like that?” “Is it weird?” “I’d say so. Aren’t small arms at the top of the list of weapons that are hardest for novices? There are so many clips online of people getting blasted away by guns.” “Hmm… now that you mention it, why do I know how to use it?”

More zombies came at us in the middle of our conversation. I had the rifle on burst mode to get more points, but it was getting a little annoying and I switched it to full auto instead. I don’t even know if I even get points like in a game anyway.

Blood sprayed in the air as chunks of flesh rained down—it a wonderful celebration of violence… zombie games are the best. You’d see the nation’s QoL index shoot upwards if everyone would just relief their stress like me.

“Wahahahaha, eat lead! Die!” “At first I thought I made a bad decision, but now I’m glad I picked up this wild beast.”

Kiryū sighed in astonishment as he watched me spray lead with my rifle and get sprayed with blood.

“I game too, but I’m no expert at zombie games unlike you. I didn’t have the slightest idea how to get ahead in this game. The twists and turns of this area was beyond confusing… I would’ve died here if not for you.” “Heheh, leave it all to me. I know this game like the back of my hand.”

Grabbing the window frame, I hopped over the other side and into the alleyway. I turned around, posed with my rifle, and flashed a smile at Kiryū, hoping to raise his spirits.

“Let’s make light work of these zombies so we can get out of this world ASAP!” “… sign me up. I gotta go back and finish work so I can finally go home. I miss my own bed.”

He heaved another sigh as I laughed in agreement.

“I’m ready snuggle up too, but maybe after a good meal though. There’s edamame, chips, and an ice cold one with my name on them back in the nurses’ dorm.” “… you’re the do as I say–type of nurse, eh? Here for a good time, not a long time?” “Hey, I’m still young! Plus, I haven’t been drinking at home lately either… speaking of which, where do you live, Kiryū?” “Oh, East Shinjuku.” “Wow, for real?!”

I couldn’t help myself from blurting out in surprise.

“I can’t believe you live in a proper place in Shinjuku and not like a cheap dorm for nurses. Adults sure have it nice…” “Hah, it’s nothing special.”

He had somewhat of a smile on his face.

“The boss failed with his bed and breakfast venture with the condo, so instead, he stuffed me in there… and since it’s not particularly safe at night in East Shinjuku, locals try to stay away if they can. Thanks to that, I’ve got a cheap place in Shinjuku that’s real close to work… but there’s also the cops lurking in their cruisers on the side of the road, the drunks shouting in the streets, and the creeps who prowl at night. I don’t feel like I live like a high-roller, that’s for sure.” “Wow… I didn’t know East Shinjuku is like that.” “It’s not just that area of town that’s like that, y’know?” “ I know. But still, that’s amazing… are there perhaps any street thugs who pick fights with you? And do you use bicycles to beat them up?” “That’s what it’s like only in a certain yakuza game. You might see it happen in Kita and Adachi, but I’ve never encountered anything like that in Shinjuku.”

Kiryū looked off to the distance. I furrowed my brow at a particular part of what he said though.

“… that’s a pretty big coincidence though. I work in Shinjuku as well.” “… that’s… oddly convenient.” “Right? How strange… I wonder if it’s a coincidence at all. What if only wage slaves working in Shinjuku get trapped in this world…?”

A bunch of zombies staggered from across the street and into the alley. It’s rare to see them bunch up like this.

“Oh, that’s right. We’ll probably be fine since we have the gun, but shall I check their vitals?” “… what do you—?”

Kiryū must have had a bad feeling about what I said, but I ignored his question. Instead, I shoved the rifle at him and charged at a zombie.

“Hey, wha— Sera?!”

He shouted at me, but whatever. After scuffling with the zombie for about tens of seconds, I plunged my hand deep inside it.

“… you’re literally ripping its guts out?!”

Kiryū’s quip explained all there was to explain. I’m sure lots of people would get angry and complain about it being too grotesque if I were to write out all the details, so I’ll make it short. In any case, I ripped it guts out.

“What the hell are you thinking, Sera? Wait, I didn’t even know you could do that in this game!” “Level 1.” “Huh? Level 1?!” “I took about a minute for me to rip its guts out. At max level, it’d take only a moment but since it took more than a minute… it seems like Sera Harvey is at level 1 right now.”

I flick off the blood from my hands as I shrugged at Kiryū.

“You risked yourself just for that…?”

What are you, some kind of berserker?! Kiryū wearily sighed but isn’t this a pretty standard way of killing zombies? It’s still way tamer than ripping out someone’s spine while screaming “Fatality!”

“Oh, and Kiryū, I appreciate how straightforward you are with me. I never enjoyed formalities in real life either, let alone Sera.”

I didn’t think it would be this embarrassing to say it out loud.

“Gotcha. So, should I separate the two and call you by your real name?” “… uhh, hmm… let’s not. I don’t feel like myself looking like this. Honestly, I’m not this cute and petite in person.”

I spread my arms wide open as I answered him and he agreed.

“Me too. I’d likely die in agony if you called me by my real name… I don’t go peacocking around looking this flashy in real life.”

Kiryū said as he checked himself out. That’s quite an excuse for his looks.

“Peacocking, huh? If only you knew what that meant to a Rainbow Dreams fan like me… I’m not a huge fangirl, but Kiryū Sōichirō’s fans would kill you if they heard you say that.” “… yeah, I know. Not only are there a lot of Kiryū’s fangirls, but they also tend to be pretty extreme.” “…” “…” “… hmm?”

As soon as I questioned him, Kiryū averted his eyes and put his hand against his mouth. That only led to more questions.

“Kiryū… you mentioned that you saw Rainbow Dreams High School☆Fantasia at the game show?” “…” “Kiryū?” “…” “… oh, I’m sure I’ve read an interview online where the game devs of—" “Agh, Sera! I forgot I had something very important to say to you! Listen to me.”

Kiryū had a very serious look on his face as he said that. Then with one stride, he closed the physical gap between the two of us and grabbed both sides of my cheeks.

“Umm, you’re getting awfully close to me, Kiryū.” “I can’t believe you went and ripped its guts out! Don’t you ever rush to your death like that again!” “Rush to my death…? I’m a zombie game junkie. I know what I’m doing. And, uhh, more importantly, you’re still too close.” “You know what you’re doing? Do you really? It might look like it, but this is absolutely not a game.”

The look in his eyes showed he was being very serious.

“Trust me when I say I’ve seen what someone dying looks like.” “… I had forgotten about that. That’s right…” “Well, I’m glad you understand. Honestly, I couldn’t help but think you had abandoned your life when I watched what you did earlier. … we’re not in a game. You don’t get to respawn.” “Right…” “We don’t know what happens when we die here, so don’t recklessly throw yourself into the face of danger.” “I understand… that is a very valid point…”

I nodded along as I watched Kiryū lips move as if this was some sort of well-drawn cutscene.

“… umm, Kiryū, I understood what you said. Do you think I could get you to stop peacocking your flashy good looks in my face? You’re standing far too close.” “I thought you said you weren’t a fangirl of this good-looking flashy peacock?”

Kiryū forced a smile as he let go of my cheeks. I subconsciously stared at him.

“… you might have just been the hottest guy in the world or are you self-aware?” “Silly. The 3D model of this avatar is just really high-quality. Deep inside is just some plain old 30-year-old, remember? You wouldn’t even bat an eye if you passed me by on the street. Now, I will apologize for getting too close to you, but don’t dwell on it. We’re back to normal.”

We walked as we talked, and another enemy drew close.

“… ah. Another one presents itself. Shall we?”

Kiryū swung his crowbar at the zombie at almost the same moment as I said that. It sounded oddly heavy when it collided… does he have some sort of superhuman strength?

“That’s a big swarm of ‘em.” “It sure is. Gets your blood pumping, don’t they? There will be more of them too. One of the game’s selling points was the ‘fun of slaying dynamic enemies that get progressively stronger’… whoa?!”

I instinctively shrieked as Kiryū knocked all the zombies down with his crowbar. Here I thought he was just running away.

“Oh… wow, Kiryū… you sure are strong…” “I exercise.”

He rested the crowbar on his shoulder before returning back to the action. I couldn’t help but stare dumbfounded at him. I thought so too when he grabbed my cheeks, but he’s crazy strong.

He exercises, huh? I don’t think exercise gets anyone that far, but…

I was still in awe as I shouldered my rifle but Kiryū stopped me before I could assist him.

“Hold on, Sera. What did you mean ‘dynamic enemies that get progressively stronger’? I’ve only fought regular zombies before I met you… and I killed all that I’ve seen. Do they get stronger because of that?” “Huh? Oh, right, you don’t really play… it’s because you haven’t killed them all off yet. In this game, the zombies you kill are all just mooks. Part of the fun of this game lies in slaughtering them.” “… kinda like Grand Theft Auto…” “It’s fun, isn’t it? The zombies get tougher and then the tougher ones start to swarm you too. It actually gets pretty hard because of that. And now that I think about it, if that happens, the safehouse becomes not so safe anymore.” “Wait, wait, wait! Isn’t that really, really bad?! The more we kill now, the harder it’ll get later!” “…” “…” “… oh. Oh!” “You just realized?” “I just realized… I’m sorry. The gamer in me got carried away again…”

Now that I think about it, I kinda screwed the pooch. It had become instinctive for me to play like this. Since the more we kill, the harder they get, we should really stop killing them…

“We have to be careful and pick our battles… but that’s a challenge in itself. If we don’t kill them now, we won’t level up and it’ll be harder later too.” “Talk about a catch-22… I’ll do my best with the crowbar, so hold off on the assault rifle. I need to get some levels too.”

We advance on the zombies as we chatted away. Kiryū focused on the “slightly stronger” zombies and swung away at them. How is he that strong?

“… the crowbar isn’t supposed to be that strong of a weapon.” “Is that right? Maybe I’ve gotten used to it, but it feels good in my hand.” “That’s strange. The crowbar is so heavy though…”

Another swarm of zombies showed up as we finished the previous batch.

“This is bad. There are more of them showing up than I expected.” “… you’ve probably overleveled, huh? It might be rough even with the unlimited ammo rifle if there’s any more of them.”

Kiryū sighed as he bashed the brains out of the top of the zombies’ heads. Then, he turned around and looked at me.

“Sera. With all said and done, we still have to go get your phone and Vital Watch, right? And if we keep killing zombies at this pace, the safehouse wouldn’t be safe enough for us to sit and discuss things… right?” “… that’s right. I’m sorry.”

I apologized as I slumped my shoulders. I told him that he was in safe hands and to leave it all to me but look at our predicament now… how pathetic of me. I couldn’t possibly apologize enough. But Kiryū with a spry Keep your head up, he patted me on the back with one hand while holding his crowbar with the other.

“Where did your easygoing attitude go? I prefer the maniacal smile on your face when you committed genocide on the zombies. And plus, we can still do this together.” “… huh?” “I’d be lost in this world if I were just by myself, but now I’ve got you and your wealth of knowledge… now, how do we get back to the starting area of the game?” “Huh? It might be a little hard, but I think we should be able to do it.” “Then, lead the way. Take us to the Vital Watch and your smartphone so we can recover those two key items.” “What are you trying to accomplish?”

I looked up at him and asked. Kiryū—as if peacocking his flashy good looks in my face—smiled brightly at me.

“—to break out of the confines of this game.”

■Kiryū

A prudent game developer. He has his reasons to be careful of avoiding leaking any sensitive data, so he only lurks other people’s tweets. His avatar is very well put together, but the real person behind it isn’t too far off. The ladies often approach him. However, for some reason, he seems to be a very late bloomer. Maybe it would be more accurate to say that he has closed his heart off to potential romance relationships. He’s taken a liking to his fancy Makita vacuum cleaner that he bought for no good reason.

contents: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /next/

(leave me a tip on Patreon?)

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the-little-red-noodle · 6 years

Text

10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk.

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen.

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable..

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy..

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it.

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent.

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know?

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep!

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE

#samiswriting

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darkhymns-fic · 7 years

Text

Through Clear Air, We Soar

Colette helps Lloyd remember how to fly.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel Rating: G Mirror Links: AO3, FF.net Notes: Written for June 15 (Colloyd day in Japan) but now it’s a week later! Whoops. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With another jump, Lloyd reached out his hands to the sky. It would have been less heart-stopping had he not been two feet away from the edge of a cliff.

“Do you want me to show you again?” Colette asked, hands behind her back.

Lloyd sighed for what must have been the fifteenth time. He scratched the back of his head furiously. “I was able to do it before! Don’t know what’s wrong now.”

With careful steps, she walked towards him. Her feet barely made contact with the grass, only bending their tops with a scrape of her heels. Lloyd watched as Colette floated before him, the afterimage of her wings lifting her form a few inches above him. Not yet there, but the mana moved around her in anticipation.

“Just bring the feeling deep in your chest,” she said, hands clasped together in a gesture. “Gather it around your Exsphere, and then it’ll appear like that!”

The fullness of her wings could be seen just then, more solid against the sun, their pink hue draping across the ground. It was a sight he saw a thousand times as sometimes off to the side when they fought monsters, or in the distance as she scouted ahead. But she was before him, right now, painted against the sky.

“See?”

He had to clear his throat to speak. “Yeah. But…” Lloyd stretched out his arms, as if the action would make his own wings spring to life. Nothing happened, as expected. “I can’t seem to get it!” He even flapped his arms a little. Colette giggled at the sight. “Agh!”

“Lloyd! It’s not like… something you force, you know?” She lowered back to the ground, staring up at him. “Sorry, I guess I’m not explaining it right.”

The Iselia forest was situated among a smattering of cliffs among the wilderness, so it was simple to find a spot just for them to practice their flying lessons. Or, attempt to. The sky was clear, and the wind was strong, snapping against Colette’s hair, bringing it into contact with Lloyd’s shoulder. Among the sea of redwoods, they could spot the roof structure of Dirk’s house. Its chimney emitted a gentle swirl of smoke from the forging fires, its substance lost eventually to the few patches of clouds.

“No, it’s okay.” Lloyd sat down on the grass, feet hanging over the cliff’s edge. He placed his right palm over the back of his left hand, feeling the presence of the gem. “It’s not like I need to really learn it that well anyway if we’re just traveling… thought it would make stuff easier.”

Colette of course agreed with him. “I know! If we had to go over like a rockslide or something like that, our wings would be very helpful!”

Lloyd just looked more put-out. “Yeah, and I’d be dragging you down…”

“Not if I carried you!” Colette looked absolutely pleased at the thought.

“But then I’d literally be dragging you down!”

Well, not so with Colette’s retained angelic strength. But she saw the way Lloyd looked back up into the sky. He had risen far upwards after the seed back then, almost outpacing her as she frantically flew towards him. It was the length of his wings, catching the currents easily, the mana refracting the light in its feathered imitation, to the point that it almost hurt her eyes. He flew as if he had known how to all along.

Her gaze drew to his left hand. Fragments of an idea slowly fell into place. “Maybe you need someone to fly with you? I was only just telling and showing you before, so…”

Lloyd turned to her, head upturned. “But, don’t I need to still have my wings out anyway?”

The sky was bright and inviting. The sunlight shone off the Exsphere on his hand, but the light was pleasant, and didn’t make her turn away.

She took that hand in her own, feeling warm. “I told you I can carry you if I need to!”

It was a decision that she was set on, pulling Lloyd to his feet. Her wings reappeared – shaped like diamonds, arranged in soft patterns behind her, like the stained-glass windows of the church – with one draping across the boy’s right shoulder as she stood near. “I can start flying, and maybe when you’re in the air you’ll remember!”

“…Um, is this safe?”

She reached out for his other hand, interlocking their fingers. “You got your wings differently from me. So… maybe you should re-learn how to fly differently from me?” She paused. “Oh, that doesn’t make much sense, I suppose…”

“No, I… think I get it?” She could see his chest rise as he took a breath, looking out over the cliff as he tilted his head to the expanse above. He then looked back down the steep cliff. Though he had easily sat over its edge just moments before, he unconsciously took a step back. “Huh, this is higher than I usually jump though.”

“I won’t let you fall!”

“I know you won’t, Colette.” He still kept a fierce grip on both her hands. “So, do I just…?”

She had only seen his wings once, and but she had remembered them being engulfing, their wingtips brushing against her back, covering her in cool shadows. Her own were more subdued, with spaces between the mana energies to let the sky show through. They must have been bright as well, she realized. She could always see their hue reflected in Lloyd’s eyes.

She thought about pulling him up by his hands, but then considered how that might have been uncomfortable for him. So impulsively, she untangled one hand from his, and wrapped an arm around his back.

He leaned into her the moment she did so, mirroring her action with his own free hand. “Like this?” he asked.

She nodded. “Okay, I’m going to start flying now. Just tell me if…”

Colette never really got to finish, feeling his weight in her arms as her wings downbeat against the wind. She was preoccupied with adjusting her hands, and trying to not pin her chin into his shoulder. She felt the slight tensions in his back, muscles straining to withstand the loss of gravity.

Still, he hung onto her, fingers tightening around their clasped hands. Another downbeat, and Colette took them further, several feet from the grass, until they could both clearly see the underside of the cliff.

When they had climbed to this spot, the road had been winding, and the elevation challenging the strength of their legs. But even when they stood over the peak, they didn’t realize just how high they had just ascended.

And they were floating up into the sky ever higher.

Lloyd held onto her tightly. She could feel the pace of his breath quicken, how he leaned into her shoulder as she lifted him. His weight meant nothing to her, though the wind blew more harshly the higher they went.

The trees were far below, their tops swaying from the breeze. They could both see even more of Dirk’s house; the balcony with the potted plants perched on its railing, the tiles on the roof where a few needed to be re-shingled on its left side, and the stream where the sunlight reflected off its placid waters.

Lloyd extended his free hand towards the empty space around them. “I think…” The Exsphere winked in the light. “I think I’m starting to get it.”

Colette still didn’t let him go just yet, but she noticed a difference. The way he started to shift, to ease some of his mass from off hers. She’d be fine if he leaned on her for as long as he wanted, if he needed her hand, as he had done when they had held the sword over the seed.

When she saw his wings first form, she took that as a signal to ease her own grip.

Lloyd flinched. “Whoa!”

“Oh! It’s okay! I still got you, see?”

“Ah, sorry…” Lloyd still held out his arm, as if searching for an invisible wall to balance himself on. “We’re just really high up, so it’s a bit, uh…” He didn’t want to say he was scared, clearly. Colette held back her laughter – she just found it to be cute. “I just wanna not mess up, yeah!”

He didn’t know he had his wings out yet. The mana slowly shaped itself behind him, upheld and bent, as if they were already in mid-flight. His right wing just brushed the top of her head, and there was a coolness that set off a pleasant pulse in her chest. Maybe it was a reaction to her crystal, or something else entirely.

“You’re doing great, Lloyd,” she told him. She wanted him to realize for himself, so she eased her grip on him again. He needed to feel himself suspended by his own strength instead of her own. His reluctance to leave was difficult to ignore. There was nothing better than his warmth as they floated in the chilly air, no matter the brightness of the sun.

He trusted her, slowly separating himself from her body until they were only connected by their hands. Feeling how his arm didn’t strain, it was then that Lloyd realized he was flying on his own.

Colette grinned when Lloyd turned his head to see his wings. “See? I knew you could do it!”

“Wow!” His wings shifted, the particles of mana drifting around them, their light multicolored, as bright as falling stars. “This isn’t so hard actually! Awesome!”

Colette was happy. Now he could fly with her whenever they pleased. She remembered when they first floated back to the earth before the tree, how Lloyd’s hand had tightened on hers just as his wings started to disintegrate. Had he lost it then because she refused to let him go? Even Dirk’s dwarven vows mention how one had to walk on their own two legs. (Did wings count?)

“Why don’t you practice?” Her hand eased on his own. With Lloyd’s confidence boosted considerably, he didn’t reject the action. “I’m sure you’ll get it quick!”

“Okay!” Lloyd moved further away. His wings outstretched. She looked down, seeing their shadows against the trees and patches of flatland. In the meantime, only their fingers remained in contact, interlocked, but no real weight to their grasp.

Lloyd was truly flying on his own, nearly as natural as that day. Lloyd had both arms outstretched, his hair flying in all directions. His wings spread out like a falcon’s. “Whoa, this is fun! I guess… I didn’t really get to focus on this the last time.”

They were flying faster, unconsciously heading to Dirk’s house. The speed of their flight made Lloyd’s voice get blown away by the wind. But Colette’s keen hearing could pick up every syllable. “Well, now you have all the time you need!” And with another sudden impulse, she let go of his hand entirely. She flapped her wings, gaining several inches ahead of him. “We can have a race even! That’s probably good practice.”

Of course, Lloyd couldn’t put down a friendly challenge. “You’re on!” His large wings were an advantage, already gathering enough air to push him through the sky, nearly catching up to her.

But while Lloyd’s wings seemed better suited for bursts of power such as that, Colette had more practice, and she could maneuver through the sky easily with her smaller wings. With a playful wink at him, she swerved around his body to find the currents that would more or less glide her to victory.

“Hey, no fair!” Lloyd shouted at her with a smile, and beat his wings. Despite being made of pure mana, they acted as if solid, the clash of his wings making a snapping sound in the air, like that of low thunder. Colette’s own beat like that of a hummingbird’s, their shape blurring to a pink shimmer across her back.

She was so happy that she could share this with Lloyd. And, while she wasn’t really a competitive person, she was ecstatic that it looked like she was going to win, too!

“You better catch up!” she shouted back to him, eyes latched onto the house that grew more detailed as they neared it. She waited for Lloyd to answer back, or for his wings to crush through the air once more.

So it was unnerving when she heard nothing instead.

Colette blinked, knowing something was wrong. She immediately halted her flight, her wings slowing to a gentle rhythm again. She turned. He heart stilled when Lloyd was nowhere in sight, not even way off in the distance.

Eyes shifted in all directions, finding no hint of red or a shape of bright wings. “Lloyd! Lloyd!!”

Then she looked down.

He was there, and he was falling.

Colette more or less dropped from the sky, flattening her wings against her back so that they couldn’t catch any air. Her clothes whipped around her body. She neared the branches of the oldest trees of the woods, and reached out her arms as far as she could.

Throughout her descent, she could hear Lloyd’s panicked voice grow slowly grow louder.

“Catchmecatchmecatchmecatchmecatchme-!”

Her arms gathered around his back, crushing him to her chest. She held him tight as she rescued him from near death, only several feet away from rocky-covered ground. Her momentum was hard to fully stop, so she extended her wings once more to ride the currents. She avoided the ground and lifted both her and Lloyd in an arc that led her up to the sky once again.

Once she was flying normally again, she babbled out a string of apologies. “I’m so sorry, Lloyd! I’m so sorry! I should have been more careful! Are you hurt?!”

She gave very little thought to how she carried him, due to how quick the ordeal had been. One arm was holding up his back, while another was lifting him from underneath his knees. She cradled him as if any other movement would break him. Lloyd was very still, both arms wrapped around her neck, head pressed into her shoulder.

In a clearly shaky voice, he answered. “I… I’m fine. N-no problem…”

Colette felt tears seep from her eyes. “Oh, Lloyd! I’m sorry! I just wanted to help. Instead, I only…”

She was hanging in the air now, holding him carefully. Her wings continued to flap to keep them suspended. Lloyd slowly pulled back, and though he was a little pale, there was a grin on his face.

“Colette… it’s fine, promise.”

“But I almost-”

“No, really! I mean-” Lloyd looked around, hanging off of her with a bit of stubbornness. The weight of his arms around her neck was not at all hindering – she felt it as the same feather-light weight of her necklace, still tucked deep within her overcoat. “I mean, it wasn’t as bad as when we crashed those Rheiards.”

Colette was still not fully convinced (and she only had dim recollections of that memory), but she wouldn’t argue, or apologize anymore. In desperation, she hugged Lloyd tight. He laughed breathlessly in her ear, and his earnest forgiveness for her lapse of judgement was enough to ease her guilt slightly.

“I’ll just take you home now,” she said. “If we need to fly, um, we can just use the Rheiards then.” Though now she worried about crashing, and wondered if Lloyd had gotten any injuries from that.

He didn’t answer her right away. His hair brushed against her cheek as he turned around, one time even leaning down to see below them. She didn’t feel him shake anymore as he did so.

“You know, maybe flying like this isn’t too bad?”

“Oh?”

“It’s relaxing. Like, I don’t have to do a thing and still get to fly!” He paused. “But, you know, if you’re okay with that.”

More than okay. She could only nod, and then hug him tight. “I really don’t mind at all!”

“Colette, the tree!”

She swerved away from the branches just in time, only dislodging a few pine needles from it. “Hehe, sorry!”

“Man…” But Lloyd was laughing, too.

Colette remembered something similar to this; when they had all been celebrating a few nights before, just right after the world reunification. Zelos had been particularly very happy, and then somehow leapt himself into Sheena’s arms, clamoring for her to carry him. It hadn’t lasted long, and both ninja and Chosen fell together in a heap, with her loudly complaining over Zelos’ weight crushing her.

She held Lloyd as Sheena tried to hold Zelos that night, and she was happy that she could. Even if their flying lesson had been a failure, at the very least she could do this for him.

And it seemed, that for Lloyd, still clinging around her neck, forehead pressed against her cheek – that was everything he needed and more.

#tales of symphonia #colloyd #lloyd irving #colette brunel #lloydxcolette #fanfiction #one shot

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imaginary-exchanges-blog · 6 years

Text

Kal’s Story Part 21

Gold, Century, and Rose finally come back. It looks like Rose has been crying. Century makes eye-contact with you and gives a little “Its all good. Don’t ask” thumbs up*

Kal: (Question: is it pretty late in the day?)

Kal: (Or like afternoon?)

(Late morning)

Kal: (Okay)

Kal: *I nod silently* Maybe we should just get something to eat.

Tama: Sounds good.

*you all head to the cafeteria, where some people are eating.*

Your Body: What are you going to get?

Kal: I’m thinking French toast and some fruit. What about you?

*he shrugs* Whatever they’ve got. *he’s not that picky*

*after everyone gets something, you all sit together*

Tama: *she’s poking at her food, in deep thought*

Nova: ... I’ve been thinking.

Your Body: *swallows* Yeah?

Nova: How will the other students react to our return? We have been gone for a while. Scales, Rose, Gold and I have been gone for 2 weeks, while Tama, Century, and Kal have been gone for 3.

Kal: It’ll be fine. I’m sure Jade has everything under control.

Kal: And if not, we face it together

Your Body: Yeah!

Nova: ... I suppose so, but still. I don’t know about you guys but... I have no idea where anything is anymore. Where the gym is, where my classes are, really anything. Tama, Century and Kal have almost missed as much school as they’ve actually been there, and it’ll be another week or so before they release us...

Your Body: Oh! I get it. *he looks empathetic* You’re worried about the other students will see us. We might be heros, and get lots of attention.

Nova: Or we’ll be seem as trouble-makers.

Your Body: Dude, we literally saved a guy. We’re not going to be seen as trouble makers.

Nova: ... I... *he looks at Tama. Its seems they’ve already discussed this*

Tama: ... I’m worried too. *everyone looks at her* Some people may tease Century. Some people may say something that will cause you all to get flashbacks to the experience. Panic attacks and what-not.

*everyone is quiet*

Tama: We’re... going to get a lot of unwanted attention.

*...*

Century’s Body: *Slams the table* GOD DAMNIT.

*You, Century, Nova, Scales and Gold jump.*

Century’s Body: I. Can’t. Take. This.

*the storm howls, and the lights flicker. People are beginning to go to the window.*

Century’s Body: Its been one thing after another. New school, new people, new place. I was expecting challenges, hell, I wanted them, but nothing like this! *Rose’s eyes water* Here we are, stuck in a hospital, scared and afraid about if Syrren is going to come back, about new problems at school, and more! I just can’t take it anymore...

*the storm rages on out* We’re so close to so normalcy only to be told to wait. I just-

Gold’s Body: Calm.

*Rose looks surprised. Then sighs. The storm dies away*

Kal: Look, none of us were expecting any of this, but it’s here and we have to make the best out of the situation. Sure, the others might see us differently, and sure, there’s a daunting pile of schoolwork waiting for us, but we’ll get there.

*she looks at you. It seems like she didn’t appreciate the pep-talk.* I already know that.

*Rose stands and leaves.*

*Everyone is silent*

Tama: You know, noodles are a great brunch food! Hahaha, Just, yeah, uh, Good stuff!

Your Body: Uh, yeah! Brunch food.

Kal: *I nod silently and then get up to discard my plate*

*Century stands and pulls you over* Rose is just tired, and her snapping at you wasn’t fair to you. And, while this doesn’t justify her reaction and its not my place to say, but she’s been having other problems as well, beyond this whole swap thing.

(Thoughts?)

Kal: (I like that it’s focused on the group dynamic and the effects that this whole thing has had on everyone. I feel bad for Rose but I’m curious at the same time.)

Kal: *nodding* Yeah, I get it. We’re all tired.

(Have you noticed how I made each swapped group closer to the people/person they were swapped with? Like emotionally, is that clear?)

Kal: (Yes, I did notice that)

(Whew, that’s good)

Gold’s Body: Come on, Gold. Let’s talk with Rose.

*Gold nods and gets up. The duo picks up Rose’s tray as well, returns it then goes after her*

Tama: *she walks up to you* Do you, uh, wanna go for a walk in the garden? *it appears that she’s trying to cheer you up*

Kal: *watching them leave* Yeah, sure

*you exit with Tama in the opposite direction. She leads you to a quiet part of the hospital garden, then pushes through some bushes. You follow. On the other side is a large pond, and a stream bubbling into it. Two trees loom over you, the rain from a few minutes ago occasionally patterning on to ground. You’re surrounded by bushes, giving you privacy from any prying eyes.*

Tama: ... *she’s smiling gently at the place the looks down at her arm* This is going to feel strange after not doing it for so long. *she selects a power then points her hand to one of the trees. Vines that wrapped across and around begin to grow off and toward the other tree. She points her other hand at the other tree and its vines meet the already outreaching vines, tangling into each other, and meshing together. They start to sag, and then Tama releases her power.

She made a hammock.* Not the most comfortable thing, but it works. *she climbs it.* Wanna join me?

-Join Tama in the hammock?-

Kal: *I join her*

*you climb into the hammock. Its not very big, so you two are right next to each other*

Tama: ... its nice here, huh. Maybe we can make a place like this when we get back to school. A little place just to get away. *its quiet and peaceful* You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know. *Tama’s looking up at the leaves. A water droplet hits her face and she ignores it* I know I’m probably the worst person to say this but, its okay to show weakness. Its okay to be weak and not be okay. You’ve been the strong and keeping that face is hard, so... *she sighs* Just... I dunno. Its okay cry or something. And, um, I’m here for you.

Kal: I know. *I pause* It’s just that everyone’s dealing with their issues right now. I don’t want to add to it.

Tama: Is everyone here right now? Nope. Just you and me. So say what you want. Remember, *she smiles* I was designed for high stress situations.

Kal: Yeah. It’s just been one thing after another. So much has changed in these past few weeks. I mean, with having to save Century to encountering Syrren we’ve been forced into these almost impossible situations. We could have died back there. We were completely vulnerable and Syrren had us in the palm of her hand. I was so afraid that things were going to end much more worse than they did.

Tama: *she nods* We’re lucky to be alive. *she pauses* But hey! We are alive, somehow, and we have grown from those experiences. Think about it, if we had to face against the other students in our school now, we’d beat the shit outta them.

Kal: That’s true. I’m just worried about the effect that this is having on everyone. We did what we had to do at the time, it’s just with Rose and everyone else, it’s hard to see. You know, what if after all of this we don’t become closer as friends and we just drift away because it’s all too much?

Tama: *she looks back up at the trees* No one knows exactly what we’re going through, and each of us are dealing with different weights. All we can do is take those weights and use them so that future winds don’t blow us away. *she pauses to let you think before continuing* Rose and Gold may not understand exactly what happened, but I’m guessing Century told them the basic gist, seeing as how close that trio is. And since you were to first to reach out to Century, he’s not going to just leave. He can’t if we’re all going to the same school anyways. *she laughs* We’re all bonded by this incident, whether we like it or not. And, personally, I think we’re all going to get closer once this is all over with.

Kal: *feeling a little more reassured, I give a small smile* Okay...thank you.

Tama: No prob. *she closes her eyes* Agh, the others might start looking for us soon. *she turns to you and grins* And if anyone saw us like this, they might think Scales and I were together. *she sticks out her tongue in mock disgust* Gross. *she laughs, and rolls out of the hammock* You can stay here as long as you’d like, and return whenever you wanna. *she winks* Like on a date with Scales for example. *she laughs then leaves with a wave*

(Tama ships y’all. Kales for life)

Kal: (Oh mannn how does she know though?)

(Dude, she’s trained to observe everything, including heartbeat, eye dilation, etc)

(How could she not notice XD)

Kal: (That is very true)

Kal: (I kinda forgot that part)

(Its very easy to forget she’s a project.)

Kal: (Yep)

-Stay in the hammock? Get out-

Kal: *I sit for a few moments longer, taking everything in before finally leaving*

*You exit and see Tama is waiting for you*

Tama: I realized you probably didn’t know the way back. *She leads the way back to the hospital, while occasionally marking the bases of trees so that you can find your way back without her*

Jade: Hey! There you are.

*you and Tama walk up to him*

Jade: I managed to switch Century, Rose, and Gold while you were gone. Scales has been waiting for you in the room. If you want we can go there and swap you guys back.

-go to the room? Wait and enjoy the abs a little longer-

Kal: Go to the room

*You go to the room with Jade, leaving Tama in the garden*

Your Body: *turns away from the window once you return* You’re back! Let’s get started, yeah?

-Swap Souls?-

Kal: Yes

Jade: Stand next to each other.

*you and Scales stand shoulder to shoulder.*

Jade: Turn your heads towards each other.

*you turn your head to face Scales. You grin at the height difference. He looks confused but he’s smiling.*

Jade: Don’t resist.

#kal’s story #part 21 #hospital drama part 9 #Tama’s garden therapy #body swap #kal #scales #rose #gold #century #nova #tama #jade

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