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sweetnestor · 7 years

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You Look Happier | Chapter 15

university au, teamiplier + jack

platonic/romance/angst/smut

previous chapter

hey i actually have a song for this chapter: Clean by Taylor Swift

“I am… so glad to be apart of the team,” I said in a stiff voice, a fake smile plastered on my face. I was facing the camera, but not looking directly into it. “I am honored to be… to be - I can’t read the card,” I added in a soft voice.

This was my “introduction” video to go on Mark’s channel. I was sitting in front of the camera that Ethan was holding, and I had to pretend like I was forced to read cue cards. But there weren’t any, and I had to improvise.

“I-I’m honored that Mark asked me to join,” I continued in that stiff, staged voice. “And-”

“No, no, no,” spoke the devil himself. “You begged me to join.”

“Right. I asked like, twelve times and they finally let me in!” I smiled in a way that screamed for help. You could say I was acting. “And I am… excited for all of you to see what I can contribute.” Awkwardly, I gave a thumbs up, my smile looking less and less convincing.

Then, Mark came and sat next to me. “Okay, okay. Honestly, though, Bella is one of us now, and I asked her to join. We’ve got some good stuff coming in the future. Also, we’re stranded in Boston!” He went on another tangent that was completely extra before finishing the video.

It was true, though. After PAX, our flight back to LA had been cancelled due to the blizzard. I wasn’t sure what was worse, being forced to be away from my home or the impending doom of having to get back on a plane. While I was able to function somewhat properly after a crying fit, I found myself wearing thin. I know, what else is new? That feeling was probably going to stick for a while, but I guess it’s apart of recovery.

We stayed at Amy’s friend’s house for the time being. At the moment, it was uncertain how long we would be here in Boston. Three days, possibly. I tried not to let that get to me. These things happen. They happen to everyone… except Signe, who got on her flight back to Denmark just before the blizzard hit. Jack would have gone with her, but it was still the middle of the semester. He did mention that they would be okay while he was still at uni, though.

Speaking of YouTube University, I wasn’t sure what my future was with that school. I mean, I was going to be on the road in a few months, on tour. I was going to have a hand in creating the show. I was going with them. It was safe to say none of us were returning to YouTube University in the fall. It felt weird to have future plans.

Since we had nothing else to do, we made a movie trailer. Mark, being Mark, got naked and sat outside in the snow. After all this time, I still didn't know what went on in his head sometimes, but you had to admit he was dedicated. It was fun, though. I got to contribute ideas… and hold the camera for most of the shots.

I also decided to properly look through my social media later at night. We all had to sleep in the living room of the small house, and it was the first time I had a moment of silence. I was stuck between Ethan and Amy, but they were both asleep already.

The same stalker photo of Ethan and I holding hands had been reposted many times. Added to that were professional photos from his signing. I was caught in the background in several of the fan photos, along with the selfies I took with some of them. The various captions are what made me smile, though.

“I met Bella at the signing!! She was so nice and she's so cute with ethan!!”

“THEY'RE SO CUTE OH MY GOD”

“Amyplier whomst? I only know ethella!”

“My new parents”

“I hope Ethan and Bella know we love and support them a whole lot :’)”

It was like a breath of fresh air. I was tempted to post that stalker picture on Instagram with the blue and sparkly heart emojis, but it was probably too soon for that. I knew some of my followers came from Ethan's community, yet I wasn't expecting them to be nice and supportive. It was a different reaction from my last relationship, that's for damn sure.

I let out an audible sigh, glancing at Ethan, who had already fallen asleep. I was still experiencing insomnia from being so far from home, so I sat up and tried to find more ways to keep myself busy.

“Can't sleep?” asked a quiet, deep voice.

I turned, finding Mark sitting on the couch. Last time I saw him, he was lying down next to his girlfriend.

“I won't sleep until we get home,” I replied as I locked my phone and shoved it under my pillow.

He nodded. “I still can't believe you actually came here. You got on a plane.��

“Yeah, and I had to resort to drinking in order to do it,” I told him as I crawled up onto the couch and sat next to him.

“You still did it, though,” he said. “You didn't back out of it. You accomplished a lot this weekend. You should be proud.”

I shrugged. “I guess I can't disagree.”

A silence fell over us, but it was comfortable. I had been alone with Mark plenty of times in my life. I hadn’t been alone with him in a room in a very long time, despite the fact that we had been around each other a lot lately. Well, even now we weren't exactly alone, but we were the only ones awake. Any other time, I would have gone to extreme lengths to avoid seeing him at all. But given the last couple of months or so, I was finding it easier to coexist with him. Here we were, sitting in the dark, with the other five asleep soundly around us. We knew this moment was inevitable, and while it was awkward, it was kind of liberating. As always, I wasn’t the one to start the conversation.

“Are you happy with him?” he asked quietly.

Moment of truth. Everything was already out in the open. Everyone knew about my suicide attempt, everyone knew about Mark’s plan to leave me before Amy came along, and everyone knew about me and Ethan. All that was left to do was tie up the loose ends.

“Are you happy with her?” I asked in response. It was bold of me to say that, and Mark knew it too.

He cracked a smile. “I asked you first.”

“Honestly? Yes,” I answered. “Actually, I think… I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Mark smiled wider. “That’s really good to hear. I’ve wanted to hear that since… I don’t know how long. You deserve to be happy.”

I couldn’t believe I was still fond of him after all this time. My heart swelled up at his words, but I didn’t want to dwell on myself for too long. “So what about you?”

“I’m absolutely the happiest I’ve ever been,” he said. “Not just with Amy - and she does make me very happy - it’s everything I’m doing. I finally feel like I’m doing something good, I don’t even have the words for it.”

“Good.” I was smiling so wide, it was hard to hide it.

“Do you still hate Amy?” It sounded lighthearted, but I took it seriously.

“I never hated her. All the anger and resentment was directed at you, no offense. I mean, it was hard. I won’t lie, that was the most devastating breakup I’ve ever had. And, I think there’s always going to be a part of me that will see her as the girl you left me for. But, for the most part, I’m over it, and I’m glad you two are happy.”

Mark nodded, sitting back against the sofa. “Fair enough…” Then he sighed and brought his knees up to hug them. “I just… I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for leaving you like that, and for driving you to that point.”

I reached over and placed my hand over his. “Hey. You didn’t know I was going to do that. No one saw that coming. You did what you had to do in order to be happy. What I did, that’s all on me. And look at me, I’m still here and I’m happy, and I’m telling you to move on from that. There’s bigger things going on now. It’s okay.”

“Bella, if I had lost you…”

“But you didn’t. You can’t put the whole blame on yourself. It’s just something that happened. I had it coming, anyway. With or without you. But it's in the past now.”

He nodded. “I know. I’m glad you’re still here. I’m glad that we can still be friends.”

That brought another thought to mind. “I think… I believe that people come and go into our lives for a reason. I think we’re meant to be in each other’s lives, whether we’re lovers, exes, or friends. And if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have met Jack, and then I wouldn’t have found Ethan. I wouldn’t be here talking to you now, and realizing just how important you are to me. You've brought good things into my life.”

Mark was smiling, and he squeezed my hand.

“And I think you were meant to find Amy,” I continued. “Whether I was mentally stable or not, she was meant to come along. I know plenty of things have contributed to your happiness now, but I know she’s done way more for you than I ever could have.”

“That’s what I think about you and Ethan,” Mark told me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this much. He's got you getting on planes and going to signings and panels… It's incredible.”

“I made those decisions, not him,” I reminded him.

“Right, of course,” Mark said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you… without anxiety, either.”

“Yeah… I think anxiety is always going to be apart of me. And… I think I’m trying to be okay with it. Like, a bunch of shit happened and the effects of all of that is my anxiety disorder. But I’m trying not to hate it as much, because I’m stuck with it for life.”

“So you might as well work with it,” he finished for me. “That’s good. You know I’ll be here to support you through all of that, right? Despite everything that’s happened between us, I still care about you so much.”

“I care about you too.”

“And you’re actually happy with Ethan?”

“Yes. I don’t even have the words for it.”

I looked over at the guy sleeping beside me. All of these emotions surged in my chest. Here I was, in good terms with my ex, and having a happy relationship with my new boyfriend. My anxiety was at an all time low, something I never thought I would feel. I had people I could call my family.

We heard Tyler groan in his sleep, mumbling something about keeping it down. Mark and I smiled at each other, and we knew there was nothing left to say.

_____

stay tuned for a thank you post following this chapter :)

OH LOOK ANOTHER FIC

#crankgameplays x oc #ethan nestor x reader #jacksepticeye x oc #markiplier x oc #ylh fic #sweetheart writes #AAAHHHHHH IMMA CRY #its the end #the story is over #thats it!!!!!!#fuck!!!!!!#i got all my lovey dovey ass emotions outta the way in the post thats coming up next!!!!

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