#A very emotional but important night... Left with a lot of complex feelings I don't have words for but... I wanna do the right thing and try

[chloecorvid]

... man.

[asinglesock]

I just got out of seeing a community theater musical and hugged some people I haven't seen for a while and heard kind words from a former professor of mine so I'm still kind of having an emotional rush from all that and it's making my brain go fast for the first time in a while

so

(cw vague description of irl murder & child death, religious trauma, apocalypse anxiety, martyrdom complex, dubious late-night exegesis)

I'm realizing that the pastor of the church my family attends is obsessed with eschatology in a way that's even more than the standard Oneness Pentecostal stance (itself really obsessed with eschatology). Wednesday night I overheard him talking before church and I realized that 1) he has been watching conspiracy theorists on Youtube and 2) some of this fixation really started to surface after his daughter and two grandchildren were mysteriously found dead 11 years ago.

(I also realized recently that my Sunday school teacher and her kids moving out of state and being murdered when I was 13 might not have been great for my emotional health. I need to revisit this.)

But after we found out it was like the only way we could cope was to be even more fervent than before. He invited an evangelist (who everyone addressed as "prophet") to preach a series of revival services. I remember that Prophet M was always talking about money. After a week of services, he gave each of the musicians $20. I'd just started doing church music (again, I was 13) and I couldn't believe he'd just give away that much money. But that week was the first time that a preacher calling for people to give sacrificially made me more doubtful instead of more enthusiastic. I started to hear the salesman tone in his voice. He took a lot more money away with him.

Tangent: I've been interested lately in how Paul talks about money. People are always quoting 2 Cor on how God loves a cheerful giver as a prooftext on the importance of giving money to the church, but it affects how I understand the tone of that when I think about the historical context. Paul is encouraging the Corinthians to give money toward the collection, but in 1 Corinthians he's very defensive of himself, saying that he never took money from them (see 1 Cor 9:15). This saying is part of the persuasive rhetoric Paul is using precisely because his Corinthian audience is not guaranteed to be made up of cheerful givers. I don't necessarily think Paul was exploitative irt money but it does change the feeling for me.

But I was talking about eschatology. Pastor usually talks about the End Times as a terrible and frightening thing. I used to find the End Times terrifying myself (I watched Left Behind when I was like 6 :/). But as I got older and started unpacking it, I realized that scriptures on Jesus's return and the resurrection at the last day and the New Jerusalem are full of hope. Even though there is definitely eschatological terror in the New Testament, a lot of it is pointed toward empire and oppressors. I couldn't understand why preaching at our church was always so frightened when preachers talked about the possibility of martyrdom--weren't we supposed to accept it because we had hope?

Then post-advent of covid Pastor's preaching has only gotten more and more paranoid. It built on what it always was--if mask mandates weren't the Mark of the Beast, they were preparation to make people compliant; restrictions on public gatherings were Satan warring against the saints; and every earthquake was a sign of the end of the world. The response to any natural disaster or war in other parts of the world was a kind of closing off, saying that this world will pass away but we're not of this world. We shouldn't care too much about the things of this world--but the "things of this world" even counted people's lives!

In retrospect, it's clearer now that Pastor saw his daughter and grandchildren's deaths as martyrdoms. There was speculation that his daughter was responsible because of post-partum depression (obviously it can do weird stuff like that and we wouldn't blame her if that were the case), but Pastor always believed that there was some evil reason--some cult or demonic influence or something like that. And in that light it makes sense why he'd anticipate the End Times as something grim and terrifying.

He's already experiencing the suffering of the End Times. There are cults of ritual murderers out running amok. Government officials conceal the truth. Why should he trust them? Pastor has a high school education and low technology literacy--he's the target audience for a conspiracy.

I don't know how this information is helpful, but it feels like unravelling a knot in my brain.

Anyway this is already long and rambly but I realized that their deaths affected how I dress. When I was 11-13 I wore really loud colors and tried to style my hair in complicated ways, with hair ornaments that were the only jewelry we were allowed to have. I was wearing a very bright blue dress with a very bright pink jacket the night the church learned about their deaths. It felt like I'd done something offensive, being there and wearing such bright clothes. I felt a sense of shame every time I wore either of those garments afterward--but I didn't realize it and I kept them for a long time. This developed my undestanding of modesty as not calling attention to self by dress. Since then I usually feel uncomfortable in loud colors or elaborate hairstyles--ironically, this made my personal style less obviously Pentecostal.

[bollosa-02]

PERFORMANCE TASK in CREATIVE WRITING

Kelsy Charm C. Bollosa

12- Gas C

Hello, I'm Kelsy Charm Bollosa, a 17-year-old who finds joy in the fast-paced world of volleyball. Whether on the court or off, I'm always up for the thrill of the game.Embracing the warmth of the color yellow, finding serenity by the sea, and cherishing the beauty of sunsets – these are the hues that paint the canvas of my passions.

POEM

Childhood Trauma

Deep inside i wounded my heart

Lies the memory of childhood start

Aching that pain won't let go

Ghost of memories that I never forget

Every day I feel disgusting

Every day I feel depressed

Darkness that shadowing the hope

Echos of voices that surrounded

The past may left it's mark

But it won't define a life that's plain

A bright future can still form

A new chapter can be born

‌

NARRATIVE ESSAY

Beauty of Mindoro

One fine day, my aunt planned a trip to Puerto Galera. We don't have any idea that my aunt planned all of this; she packed our things, and we're going to Mindoro. We are all so excited because of the beautiful beach and island that we are going to.

We stay at the White Beach Resort, which has a nice and clean villa. Perhaps along the way to Mindoro we are so exhausted because we need to go first to Batangas Port to ride a boat or a small ship to Mindoro. But when we arrived in Mindoro, the exhaustion that we felt was gone because of the beauty of Mindoro.

In conclusion the beaches and islands in Mindoro are so fine and relaxing to the eye. The ocean was clean, and the sand was very thin and white. There are a lot of beaches and islands that we visit, and every island is amazing because of the unique form of the mountain and the different kinds of sand that are there.

‌

DESCRIPTIVE ESSAY

Sunset above, Sandbelow,peace within

During the sunset phase, a magical moment takes place that brings a strange feeling to our hearts. The sun's waning glow lays bare the coming night, but with each passing moment, it reveals the richness of its beauty that gives mystery and color to our world.

As his descent progressed, the sky was perfumed with colors like red, orange, and yellow. The sun's rays play on the clouds, and whatever their whip creates creates the echo of the secret kingdom. The giant clouds become the fabric of pantheons of art in the sky, cursing the genius of creation with each phase of the sun's descent.

As it travels toward the edge of the ocean, it fades away like a loose and complex legend. Watching it is like climbing above a realm full of mystery. Each step of the sun seems to be a statement of the promise of hope for the future, as its warmth envelops the atmosphere of love and peace.

ARGUMENTATIVE ESSAY

Unity Against Harassment for Respectful society

Harassment is a bad habit that often happens in our society. It causes fear and pain for its victims. This may take place in various ways, such as through humiliation, oppression, or humiliation. In the online world, this is made even worse by the lack of personal connection and the digging that can be done without seeing the victim's face. It is important for society to work together to fight harassment, promote education and campaigns to give voice to the oppressed, and have policies and laws that address this issue.

To prevent harassment, the role of education and campaigning is important.together to give each other the right knowledge and understanding about the importance of respect and equality. Harassment must not only be stopped but must also serve as a voice for the oppressed. In addition, policies and laws are also needed that will put strong protections on victims and teach a lesson to harassers. In this way, we can curb harassment and build a more orderly and respectful society.

In conclusion, harassment is a serious issue that we must focus on and fight against. Not only does it cause temporary pain, but it can also have a lasting impact on the victim's emotional health. With the advancement of technology, the need for education and campaigns to provide adequate knowledge and understanding to everyone about the importance of respect and equality becomes more critical. It is important for society to work together, including legislators and government agencies, to set thorough policies and laws that will provide protection to victims and send a clear message against harassment. With unity and thorough action, we can overcome this challenge and promote a society full of respect, love, and progress

EXPOSITORY ESSAY

Mental health awareness against Cyberbullying

Nowadays, cyberbullying is becoming more widespread and causes complex effects on the health of the victims. Bullying, bullying, and digital bullying not only result in emotional harm but can also have long-term effects on the mental health of those being bullied. In the first paragraph, we will highlight the importance of promoting legal sanctions against cyberbullying. Having clear and strong laws will help not only in targeting the perpetrators but also in providing protection to the victims.

The government need for strict implementation of legal punishment against cyberbullying will be shown. Focusing on the legal aspect paves the way for a thorough investigation and prosecution of offenders. The role of education in schools about the effects of cyberbullying and the corresponding laws should also be highlighted. Through the proper implementation of legal punishment, the number of cases of cyberbullying can decrease and there will be clearer boundaries in the online community.

Ultimately, promoting legal sanctions against cyberbullying is a step towards a safer and more orderly online environment. Coordinated efforts by government, institutions, and communities are essential to address the effects of cyberbullying and emphasize the need for respect and security in the online space.

THANK YOU FOR READING:)

I wanted to extend my heartfelt gratitude Ma'am Vadeth for Your kindness meant a great deal to me. I truly appreciate your time, and it has made a positive impact on my life and knowledge. And again I'm Keldy Charm C. Bollosa from 12- GAS C.

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu character breakdown as I understand him

Meaning that this might be inaccurate and your opinion and visage of him might differ from mine, which is just fine. We perceive the world and the people around us through our experiences and expectations. I'm curious to know how you guys see a complex character like Dazai, just please respect everyone's opinions.

Warning: Manga plot mentions, s2 spoilers, BEAST light novel spoilers, Dazai Osamu

Dazai Osamu was introduced into the scene of Bungou Stray Dogs at 14 when Mori found him.

Even at that young age, Dazai had suicidal tendencies and had been wrapped in bandages similarly as he is in the present. Already dealing with too much trauma for a child his age, the fire is fuelled as he was forced to bear witness to the death of the Port Mafia boss at the hands of Mori, the person that took him under his wing. To use him; which was becoming very apparent to Osamu if he hadn't been aware since the start. Now, I'm not saying that death of the previous boss left a particular scar on Samu, he even agrees with it and is something he himself would have done. But that that is the scene that bore fruit of the following quotes:

"Or could it be that you're afraid, Mori-san? That one day i will slit your throat and take over as the boss?"

followed by

"Everyone seems suspicious to those who have an axe to grind."

This tells us right away that he can tell what type of person you are just from the way you perceive your surroundings, which is logical, but not something many think too deep into.

Even less who have their evaluations of others on point like he does. And he has to, since Dazai's plan is always to understand his allies, his enemies, possible allies and possible enemies. He also takes into account important neutral parties that can still, in one way or another, affect the outcome of his plans or decide to align with one side out of common interest. After comes realising the main goals, along with side achievements (just in case some of those maim his allies or ruin the future plans he made) of every party. Taking in their morals and motivation, and being familiar with the ground the confrontation will happen on, he now has the view of the whole chess board and it's pieces in his head. He moves his allies in the right places, knowing how they'll react in the situation to come, and awaits the enemies with open fire arms. He was tought to think like that. At all times. Mori made sure of it. You know how specialists never really stop thinking in their areas of expertise, like doctors, for example, will naturally notice people's posture and look for scoliosis or whatever? How your foot hits the floor, if you're walking straight, your knees and shoulders, etc. Same for Dazai. His brain maps out person's expressions, reactions, choices, personality, etc. in great detail. I'm pretty sure he has eidetic memory, if his conversations in manga with Fyodor are anything to go by.

Another thing his brain does is think of worst possible outcomes.

Not in a fear of what if things go wrong, but as a possible route. He uses it to determine how big of a threat the opposing force is and what steps they'll have to take to achieve that. Knowing that, he'll know how to intercept them. Also, like everything else, it's not something he can control since we're talking about thought process here and that's just how his brain works. Can't magically turn that off. It's especially annoying to him when he's genuinely enjoying himself with, let's say, ADA members and then his brain goes brrr.

•"A lot happened recently and we're a torn in many people's eyes." *Tanizaki and Atsushi drinking punch* "There's a possibility, while a small one, about 8% at this very moment, but as time goes on will increase, that an organisation outside of Yokohama decided we're an unavoidable threat and poisoned the drinks. Don't drink that. Nothing will happen, they'll wake up tomorrow in pristine condition don't drink th-"

Yeah, i feel bad for him too.

He has PTSD and insomnia, besides the hectic brain,

so he's not getting proper amount of rest. Actually, he drinks almost every night by himself at home. Pretty sure it's canon as well, because if you search for a picture of him in his room, you'll see him surrounded by multiple bottles. Two of the PTSD symptoms are hallucinations and night terrors (no, that is not the same as a nightmare). What people usually do is use opium to cause hallucinations in a safe environment so that there's little chance of them happening uncontrolled. He's probably using alcohol to numb himself while he's reminiscing, since if he does still have hallucinations after years having passed by (which isn't impossible), they're probably few and far between. Not saying there's no chance he isn't using opium. He would know where to get what he needs, after all.

Osamu's haunted by his own actions as well, not just by trauma caused to him.

At an uncountable amount of occasions, he found himself looking into a mirror and not really comprehending his image. It was like dissociation. Looking through a fog at what's supposed to be your carbon copy, but not knowing all of your features perfectly, so whatever you're seeing could only be an impostor, yet you're not sure because that would take comprehending physical proof of your life to the fullest and how it works and he just... can't. He can but he doesn't want to. He already knows he's despicable and broken, doesn't really feel the need to see just how much. He can't, for all his perfect memory, remember the faces of the people he has killed. He hadn't even seen all of them, but he was responsible for their demise. Causing havoc and misfortune in general through other crimes besides murder as well. We've seen his expression when he listened in on Atsushi talking to Kyouka over the earpiece how the 35 deaths don't matter anymore. He knows they do and he knows that the change of heart won't justify what he's they've done. Ango thought him to value each life. But he also knows that even murderers can change and become good. Oda did that. It's also what's keeping him in the agency.

When Oda died, his last words mentioned that Dazai doesn't care about good or bad and that was correct for Dazai Osamu back then. I genuinely think that his present self does mind the difference.

He believes in necessary evil and will do dark shit to get the good outcome he's envisioned.

He doesn't separate outlaws and lawful people, however.

He knows that generally speaking, the line is thin and easy to cross and that many were born or forced into the situations they are. Those that fight the life thrown at them are an exception, not a rule. That's also why he likes Atsushi, probably the main reason. The boy has every right to hate the world and yet. Dazai is envious, he doesn't really have the same capacity.

I want now to talk about why does Dazai Osamu do what Dazai Osamu does.

The reason he attempts suicide, joined the mafia, made friends at all, is because for all his intelligence and observations, ability to understand others, he doesn't really understand himself.

He doesn't understand his worth. He doesn't understand his purpose. In all of that confusion, he finds no reason to live. He laughs but can't get the high, he bruises but can't fully heal. In all of the things people find happiness in he can't feel joy from. He is emotionally stunted. He thinks too logically. He doesn't understand actions out of emotions because to him, it doesn't make sense. Emotions cloud your mind and when you're not thinking straight, you make mistakes. Plain and simple. He just accepts it, that most people simply cannot control themselves and prefer lashing out instead of methodical approach. All the better for him, he has leverage. Even when he does act on impulse, which is incredibly rare and not as explosive and dramatic, his brain rationalises it as to why his actions were a good way to go. And if his reaction was one that bore fruit, than it was a tactical one.

"If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you're exposed to raw violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man's true nature. I though that way i could find a reason to live somehow."

From this, i can tell that he was hoping that, in a situation where he's pushed far enough, he'd realise what's important to him, what he wants to protect or destroy, what's one thing he wouldn't want to leave unsettled before dying. What is that one thing he'd regret dying before achieving? What should he fight death for. What is worth living on for? To him, it doesn't matter if that something is good or evil as long as he gets to keep it in his life.

It seems he hadn't found it exactly, but is satisfied with what he has for now, in the agency, to just keep going. But he still tries to commit suicide, hoping that one day, when the clear picture of the world around him is fading away, when he's becoming light headed from the lack of oxygen, when he's loosing control over his body and thoughts don't seem to flow well, there will be one thing, anyone, screaming at him to fight it. New day new chances. It didn't happen today, better luck tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomo-.

Now, like Mori, Dazai feels the need to, at all times, be in control of the situation. Including people.

That means no one, but perhaps Ranpo due to his own abnormal intellect, is aware of their own role. They know their mission, but they're not expecting to be given that particular one because they'll come across an obstacle they would react to in a way that would satisfy Osamu's plans.

Dazai Osamu is more of a chemist, than a chess player, if you ask me.

Throwing different people into the mix, under different conditions at different times and is noting down their reactions in safe surrounding if possible, so that when the time calls for it, he'll be able to make a perfect concoction for the predicament. A chemist and his substances; A chess player and his pawns; A puppeteer and his puppets. Now, Dazai is meticulous and never rash, but like everyone else (except effin Lovecraft what is he even) he's only human and he bleeds when he falls down and humans aren't perfect. He isn't always right. That means he makes mistakes. The issue with big shot players that control the board is that, when they fall down, everyone on their side crashes and burns as well. So the day Dazai fucks up everyone else will follow because of lack of insight on their part that's completely out of their control. All it takes is for him to underestimate or overestimate one person and chaos ensues. There is no such thing as happy little accidents small mistakes for someone like him. I have crippling anxiety and a sole thought that one hiccup could blow up in everyone's face... damn. I would try committing suicide myself. But it's his fault, he brought upon himself an obligation and pressure like that. To be fair, it was Mori that drilled that type of thinking where no one should know what you plan because they can't ruin what they don't know If they turn against you, they can't stop you.

For his own sake, and everyone else's, Dazai needs to learn how to show his cards and share the burden.

Again, going back to the emotionally stunted guy that has commitment issues (where he either can't commit or can't let go) trope.

He never outright does something good for someone where people would acknowledge it, he uses his underhanded tactics here as well.

He casually makes himself look like a bad guy, an asshole, to conveniently move attention from the inner turmoil a person is struggling with to a present problem at hand that they can fix and let their frustrations out on. But he hopes that, one day, someone just might notice his intentions for what they are and do the unspeakable- see through him.

"I'm a very private person. You don't ask, i don't tell."

Yes, and your whole existence is just a huge cry for help. He wants to be asked. He's begging for attention. A specific type of attention. One that will see him without making him feel imposed on. One that will understand his sins without making a big deal out of it. Accept him as a person he is, makes him feel like one as well. Makes him feel alive. Makes him feel... period.

The day he finds that thing is the day he completely turns his life around and fully dedicates to it. It's where the part of not being able to let go commitment issue ensues.

Since Oda's death he's been secretly keeping an eye out on possible ways to bring him back. If you've read Beast AU you know that when Dazai gets his hands on the book, he'll create a universe where Oda doesn't die. Should he find an ability user that can bring back the dead, just tell him what it will take, he's ready to destroy his own soul for it and if that isn't enough, well, he'll have no hesitation ruining theirs. After all, BEAST!Dazai Osamu never actually met Odasaku, he just had the memories he'd gotten from his canon self and that was enough for him to do everything he did.

He's incredibly selfish and has a weird come in but the door is a wall dynamic he rolls with in his self imposed solitude.

It's like the walls of the space in my brain are ugly and terrifying, so i closed off the entrance to keep myself in. I'm doing you a favour but please break the wall down and tell me it's okay to come out i don't want to be here-

Happy little thoughts woah woah yeah~

That's what i got from what I've seen of him. I may have missed some things, some things might prove to be wrong as the series progress further, but yeah.

There is, however, one more thing i want to put out here. Since Dazai was already like this before Mori found him, that begs to question as to why? What happened to him?

Now, since the characters are based on real people, is it crazy to say that Dazai Osamu has had a horrible childhood because of his father? Real life Dazai was terrified of his dad and was very intimidated by him. He always tried to stay in his good graces out of fear of punishment. Neither of his parents felt like a parent to him, actually. His father didn't care and his mother was often ill, but did care for him when she could. Both of them died eventually.

This could be the plot Kafka based Dazai's background on, but we'll have to wait and see.

[extorchic]

TOP 5 SK8 Episodes

So I got tagged by @akira-cr to make this list, it took some time but I think I've sorted out my mind, thank you for considering me 😊. Now here comes the list, sorry if it's supposd to be objective, but I'm gonna let my heart out over here (It's gonna be a long post and I'm not gonna cut it ):

NUMBER 5 - Episode 6 - Steamy Mystery Skating?! (A.K.A. The beach episode 🏊‍♂️)

Well this is supposed to be "breather" episode, and it's basically the one that sold the series to me. I like how fun and chill this episode is, although it does (further) foreshadow Reki's insecurity issues. The music is of course SUBLIME! "Seize the Moment" is probably my favorite insert song of all time! (it's been present in Reki's beefs as well, but here it really reflects the fun nature of his character and the show overall). And of coruse, FANSERVICE, not so much in how the boys were in swimsuits (though I gotta admit Reki does look good in them), but on the RENGA interactions!

That hug gave me life! How Langa was worried 24/7 about Reki being injured, at the end when they skated together to escape from the Bantu! I gotta admit that I have some mixed feelings about the implications of Reki being attracted to the faceless girl (I mean, Bi rep is very important too), but I guess my shipping side was just as jelaous as Langa was supposed to be (according to the fans LOL).

NUMBER 4 - Episode 11 - King vs. Nobody (A.K.A. Reki rising! ✨🌺🌞⚙️)

Reki is, without a doubt, my favorite character. He doesn't need to win, he doesn't need to be super flashy while skating, he just needs to be himself. He's been through a lot, many people (including me) have felt tremendously related to him, and seeing him in this episode is just satisfying. With his issues behind, with a promise to skate with Langa after he wins and no longer fearful, Reki rematches against Adam; and the way he does is fantastic! Taking advantage of his creativity, observative skills and mechanical knowledge on skateboarding, he faces up against the main boss and manages to not only endure his violent ways (which were gruelling to see, TBH), but also SOUNDLY HUMILIATE HIM in front of the whole S Community!

Yes, Adam, the "God of S", in the ground covered in mud by a boy almost everyone dissmissed! It was really sunshine through rainfall! I must also add how much I liked to see his renewed relationship with Langa, how much they treasure their company after patching up. I want to elaborate on this in its own post but I personally see that their interactions from this point on are more, I don't know, tender, caring, still playful but not in an entirely comedic way. The way they see each other is also deeper, anyway, it's just what I see.

NUMBER 3 - A DRAW: Episode 8 - The Fated Tournament! and Episode 9 - We Were Special Back Then (A.K.A. The month in which I was in an emotional crisis because of anime sk8t3r b0is 🍎🐍😭🛹❄🍵🌸 )

This is the point in which I got into the show, and the fandom (Yeah, haven't been around for too long). At this point the show wasn't the same, and I realized it when I caught up. Though there were some cool skating scenes in these episodes, the events that caught my attention were outside the road (Yeah, this was no longer just a skateboard anime, it's a whole lot more). Though I had been mainly focusing on Reki and Langa, I really liked having more backstory related to Joe, Cherry, Adam and Tadashi. Seeing how Adam went through a terrible childhood, convoluted teeange years to culminate in an adult with too much power for his own good and a twisted sense of "love", along with some extremely serious psychological issues was very interesting.

I acknowldge him as a complex villain, but that DOES NOT justify what he did to Cherry. This only proves that just because we know his backstory, we don't have to sympathize with him (Adam's just such a terrible person). On the RENGA side, we see Reki avoiding Langa after their rift, and how this affected both. We have Langa's sadness increase scene after scene, as well as his passion for skating dwindling as progressively. Reki on the other hand, just falls deeper and deeper in his depression, but also being unable to stop thinking about Langa, and he ends up going to S to see the latter's match against Joe. It's hard to see whether there's envy, jelaousness, frustration, admiration, pining or fear of being left behind in his mind. It must have been hard for a 17 y/o.

Reki also defends Langa from people speaking behind his back and shouting his name during the race boosts Langa's performance tremendously. This culminates on Reki realizing that the thing he actually wanted was to skate alongside Langa, not on the side, not as support, but together, he just couldn't. There's also the scene which may or may not confirm that Langa's feelings for Reki are more than just friendship! (Felt represented, for reals).

NUMBER 2 - Episode 7 - We Don't Balance Out (A.K.A. This was supposed to be a fun show!😭⛈️💔️)

I wrote a lot about the episodes in the previous spot, but this is the one that flipped the tables, the game-changer, and the one that hit closer home. It is a sad episode, no races there, it's just here for us to see how the circumstances affect the characters. It was hard to see how Reki, who at this point had been nothing but supportive and proud of Langa, starts to see him flying farther from him. Is it jealousness? Dissatisfaction? Is it fear of loneliness? Adbandoment issues? Is it feeling inferior? Frustration? Not being able to improve? Admiration? Care?

And on top of that a broken promise. I just can't imagine how hard is it for a 17 y/o to deal with all of those conflicting issues in his head, as well as the toxic competitive environment on the "S Community". This just came to show that he wasn't just the excitable, goofy sidekick character, he goes deeper than that, and makes him relatable. We also see a deconstruction of the cool, aloof prodigious character in Langa, as he just can't comprehend what's going on with Reki, and he's hurt by it, but still needs to figure out his own ambitions and desries. This leads to the emotional conclusion of the episode (which in turn left me in the aforementioned 4-week-long emotional crisis, thank you)

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Episode 12 - Our Infinity! - The race was cool, the Renga hug gave me life and everyone had a happy ending

Episode 5 - Passionate Dancing Night! - Despite the beef between Langa and Adam being cool, we start to see Reki worrying about Langa and opening up to him, further deepening their bond.

Episode 2 - Awesome for the First Time! - There's just something special about sharing something you're passionate about with someone else. Watching Reki teaching Langa the basics of skateboarding was heartwarming

NUMBER 1 - Episode 10 - DAP Not Needing Words

After 4 weeks waiting, the anticipation for this episode was gargantuan. Reki's depression was hitting its lowest point, bordering in self-harm, and hurting others as well. Langa continues to look for Reki after seeing him briefly at the hospital while visiting Shadow and we get to see this loving scene where he watches videos of Reki learining how to skate. After confronting Tadashi and realizing that he loves skating because it's fun, he returns home to find out that Langa had been waiting for him but left shortly before he arrived.

This leads to a heartful reunion, where words can't express their feelings, so they resort to do their thing, to skate, and that's where the feelings flow. This is when Langa tells Reki how he admires him tremendously and Reki understands that Langa'll be there by his side, and leaves his fears behind. With a mutual desire to skate together infinetely and a new dap, they rekindle their bond. People watched this show for different reasons, and though I like the skateboarding aspect because it looks cool, my interest leans more on the relationship aspect, and Reki and Langa's is so deep and intimate, and I liked seeing it grow from zero through different hardships (in other words, in all of the years I've been in a fandom, I had never shipped any other pair like these two, I needed to say that).

So I guess it's time to tag some people:

@pico-sour, @sleebycryptid, @elizabethslee, @itsamole, @kaorucherry, @blueflame97, @trieizieme, @tardiskitten, @lady-pendragon-9

So, if you've read until this point, thank you very much (I know it's not supposed to, but this post is yet again a very long "I love Renga" one, but it's what my heart wanted me to write 😅). I'd love to see people other than the ones I tagged showing their lists 😃

[kaisa-ryo]

Satoru Gojo NSFW Alphabet

Warning: English isn't my native language!

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*

A = Aftercare (What he likes after sex)

With slow movements, stroke your back with your large palms. Gently fingering your hair and mumbling something about your uniqueness. Then he will pause and move on to deeper caresses. Goose bumps will cover your whole body, and your heart will pound madly, which will cause an involuntary smile from Gojo. Let it be some strange mantric nonsense, a mysterious spell, with the help of which you can finally hide from everyone around you.

How rarely do you experience such a feeling of security, while the beloved man experiences an equally rare feeling - the love of the closest person, which gives him confidence for the whole day.

B = Body part (His favorite body part)

Chest.

At least because he considers her an integral part of the female body. And if you have it of impressive size - expect especially great attention to them. Namely licking, biting, scarlet sucking, spanking ... But don't think that this will only happen with big breasts. Medium or small, too, will not be left without affection. Seen from the outside, most of them may seem like feminine signs that complement orientation and are able to give relationships with a man such inner harmony that will make them extremely desirable.

The first place on your body where he will leave marks is your chest.

C = Cum (Everything about sperm)

Inside.

He loathes condoms, for which you constantly sulk at him, because you have to take birth control pills, and this, by the way, is not very pleasant. And in general, obeying the rules is not his forte. Therefore, he is firmly convinced that he possesses the mysterious art of doing what is beneficial to him alone.

D = Dirty secret

Not to say that it can be safely called a "dirty secret", but he has thoughts of selling you into sexual slavery to himself. Such thoughts first appeared in him when he realized that with your charm you were making him ill and, in a sense, making him weaker. And what an unpleasant humiliation for him, when the ideal woman of his fantasies suddenly appears out of nowhere and by her very existence spoils all his megalomania. To tell you the truth, this fact even turns him on a little. Based on this, he came to the conclusion that he will subdue you completely and completely with the help of sexual slavery.

Is it strange? Depends on how much you go crazy over him.

E = Experience

Gojo himself considers this question to be slightly incorrect. For example, if he had fucked other women before you, then you cannot say for sure that in those moments he definitely knew what to do. And if he hasn’t "shoved" anyone before you, it will always be possible to gain experience from a variety of sources of the vast networked web.

But if we talk about it, then in such cases he is helped by confidence and high self-esteem. Which gives him a considerable advantage in the field of sexual relations.

F = Favorite position

Opening.

When you swing your leg over his shoulder, and he continuously pushes, biting and licking the inner thigh. This action drives you crazy, and you are ready to beg him not to stop. When he reaches orgasm, you scream, and he squeezes you in his arms, showered you with kisses and pushes his excited flesh into your vagina, while he himself shakes with laughter. You know that this obscene act brings him such pleasure that he cannot stop. You cling to it with all your might, as if hoping that it will not stop and you will be able to reach the highest point of bliss. Therefore, it is so important for him to control the lower part of your body.

G = Goofy (Are you serious at this moment?)

Not at all.

In a sense, for him, this is nothing more than entertainment. But it also happens that he, fascinated by your alluring body, smell, look, goes crazy. And then anything can happen.

H = Hair (Is the hair ok?)

Not.

Once you asked him to put things in order at least once, after that you realized that it was useless, because instead of answering, he just laughed loudly.

I = Intimacy (Romance)

Yes, sometimes.

Even despite the fact that he does not treat women as much as, for example, Nanami, he considers his passion an exception, although, perhaps, not in all cases. He is pleased that he is considered some kind of incomprehensible male - “this is not even a man, but such a little dummy who thinks of nothing but sweets” - and this is a compliment for him. The most important thing is that you like to feel your exclusivity.

In his opinion, he considers the most romantic moment for you when he looks you in the eye. Well, of course, he is so tall and also with eyes, in which the whole universe seems to fit. Therefore, in order to impress you once again, he takes off the blindfold, looks into your eyes and says something very pleasant about you in a bewitching voice. And at the moment when you already lose the power of speech from this - bends down and kisses on the lips. He knows perfectly well that you will not resist one hundred percent before such.

J = Jack off (masturbation)

Never. Seriously, never.

He will not humiliate himself so much in front of himself, but in front of you ... there is even nothing to answer.

— I have never done this before... I will appreciate it if you teach me! — said Gojo, smiling broadly and spreading his arms to the sides.

— Quite a fool or what?..

— Oh? So can you show me how it's done? The man asked with a sad and obviously feigned expression on his face.

— Why don't you start doing it at all? What's so sexy about that?

In other words, he does not need this, because for such cases he always has you.

K = Kink (Kinks and fetishes)

Light BDSM elements such as bondage, gags, collars ... especially the black blindfold. He just goes crazy when he sees you with her. It seems that you imitate him, ready for all dirty manipulations, just to become like him. Heck.

After such a night, he will repeatedly hint that he really liked your yesterday's image. It is unlikely that you want to again fall for his next trick to trick you with various perversions. Not to mention, he'll drag you into bed anyway. You have no options, baby.

L = Location (Favorite places to have sex)

Prefers on the bed. He's not so much a fan of public places or hiding places. But if we talk about the audience ... he loves to play with your pussy with his fingers, so that you feel awkward and uncomfortable all the way home. But it's worth your wet panties.

M = Motivation

When you say how you want it at the most unexpected moment. Yes, yes, at least in the same audience. For him, this is the most exciting thing that can be with him. He had already checked everything before, no doubt. And such a mess in his thoughts, it’s just not clear why he should fight the curse when he can take you right here? Someday he will do so, believe me.

N = No (Which won't do)

Something for which you will not want to see him for a long time.

He may never show such an emotion as longing, but he certainly does. Just at such moments. When he comes to apologize to you, he will hide it again. According to many men in the world, girls do not take offense for long. True for Gojo, these words seem to be a lie, because you have been ignoring and abstracting from him for the third week. He thinks that this is natural, because he considers you not like everyone else. But it only makes my soul worse. Maybe he really was so guilty? Then it's really monstrous. Why hadn't he thought about it before? But anyone knows that it's his ego. It was then that he realizes that even the strongest make mistakes.

O = Oral (Likes to receive or to give)

Get. Do you know what his trick is? He always tries to give you as much as possible, so that in a fit of excitement you give him twice, because giving pleasure to you does not tire him at all! It's like swinging, only you don't understand that you are giving him not yourself, but your body, and you give it to him at that moment when you still don't know that you are giving him and yourself. You don't even notice it. So it gives him a huge plus. Not a bad bonus for you.

P = Pace

In this regard, variations take over. He even has his own trick - to scroll the first song that comes to mind and adjust to its rhythm. And oh God, such harmless stupidity does such amazing things... (!)

Q = Quickie

Also not unambiguous.

From the very beginning, it's kind of like very slow introductions, specifically for you to beg him to speed up. Stretching on a sense of anticipation that creeps through you. Satoru will maintain a slow pace until he moves his hips on his own to match his movements. And only then it will gradually pick up the desired speed.

R = Risk (Ready to experiment)

Anytime, just ask!

He himself does not mind trying something new, but only when you are completely sure that sex will be successful. Otherwise it will be awkward and unpleasant. While these are experiments after all, anything can go wrong. And it's one thing when you really think about the consequences, it's another thing when you have no doubt that as a result of "new" sex there will be a lot of pleasant sensations. But if you don't try, you won't know, right?

You also urge Satoru to be taken seriously and responsibly. By the way, an interesting fact — he ignores words about responsibility, but at the same time, in some magical way, everything goes perfectly. Well, in that case, you are lucky with a man, congratulations.

S = Stamina (Stamina)

Always adjusts to you.

He cannot enjoy the process if you are already exhausted just lying on the bed and trying to grab at least some notes of ecstasy. Perhaps this theory seems primitive, but Gojo believes that any sexual intercourse is nothing more than a change in posture, the purpose of which is to make intimacy pleasant. After all, it is also part of a complex whole in which body and mind harmoniously merge. Certainly not an indicator of sensitivity, as one might expect, but also not one's own narcissism.

T = Toys

Not an ardent fan, but there is some interest, and a very big one.

If he is out shopping and stumbles upon a "sex shop", prepare for the fact that he will bring everything that was there to your home and some strange enlightenment session will begin, because you did not even know about the existence of many toys.

— This one? Maybe this one? Or is it this one? Look how interesting!

— Gojo ... did you seriously empty the entire store just to show it to me?..

— The opinion of my beloved woman is much more important for me than the schedule for the import of new goods into the store.

— Why does it seem to me that you are laughing at me?

U = Unfair (Does he like to tease)

Yes! Yes! And yes again!

As mentioned earlier, he likes it when you beg him to speed up. But what if he stops altogether? Or maybe pull the cock out of your slit? There will be no limit to your charming whine! As soon as he does this, you try to put yourself on the penis on your own, while he, grinning, does not let you do it. As a reward, he sticks the head into your hole and again starts hammering like crazy into your hole.

V = Volume (How loud is it)

The only sounds he makes are short chuckles. They serve as a sign that he likes your movements, actions and moans. Sometimes he allows himself to snort. This is also a kind of signal - he experiences excitement from the same movements ... actions... moans... oh...

W = Wild card (Random headcanon)

Once you had such a case that after he finished, you immediately lost consciousness. And when she woke up, she decided that she had already died. You told about this to Sator, sitting next to you, who burst into loud laughter. He told how you passed out right at the end of sex, explaining that the blame for everything is his magnificence, just the same, leading to a swoon.

* In fact, for three minutes he could not understand what was happening and for an hour he tried to bring you to consciousness. And you lost it not because of its magnificence, but because of its multi-orgasm. As a result of this incident, the man did not do this with you for a while, as it was a little awkward. At that moment, the thought crossed his mind that he really killed you. And he still cannot forget it, although he has long ago got rid of such ridiculous thoughts associated with you and your fragile body.

X = X-ray (What's under the clothes)

19.5 cm, during erection ± 2

Y = Yearning (How high is the sex drive)

A serene magician never looks for a reason to do this with you. Only if you don't want it yourself. Sometimes it happens - completely on your initiative, and sometimes he independently makes you want it. This Devil with a bandage seems to see all your weaknesses from the most obvious, to the most secret and intimate: whispering in your ear, changing the timbre in his voice to a lower touch of his hands that slightly tickle your face ... He has a lot of ways to make you want what no matter how he spoke.

Therefore, to be honest - 7/10

Z = Zzz (How quickly falls asleep)

Are you sure he ever sleeps at all?

The most recurring case is when he watches you for a long time until he is sure that you are definitely asleep. Following, he will kiss you somewhere in the area of ​​the ear and go about his business.

But if we consider a rare case, then everything will turn out the other way around: it will wait for you to wake up to ask how you slept. The perfect moment to be alone with him without any obligation.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I know this is controversial but do you have any johnlock non-con or (preferably) dub-con for the twisted minds out there? If it's roleplay even better. If you don't do this sort of stuff just ignore me.

Hey Nonny!

Ahh, I usually don’t so I don’t have a lot of personal recs (more… it just happened in the fic and it’s a side issue), but I’ll give you the ones I have bookmarked as well as the ones I have on my MFL list, if only to bloat this list a bit more, LOL.

Cheers, and as always, if anyone has some recs, please let us know!

NON-CONSENT / DUBIOUS CONSENT

See also Alexx’s Lists:

John bottoms, Dub-con - Johniarty, Johnlock, Johncroft

Alpha!John, Omega!Sherlock & the Dub-con sex

Dubcon Johnlock

Drugged Non-con sex

Johnlock non-con and dub-con sex

And my alternate list: Consent and Relationship Negotiations 

Upon Waking by joolabee (E, 3,901 w., 1 Ch. || Mild Dub Con, Magical Realism, Angst, Somnophilia) – It sets on slow: John can only be awake while Sherlock sleeps, and vice versa. Their lives are codependent, but never meeting. Like a set of scales.

A Certain Kind of Hunger by MapleleafCameo (E, 5,881 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Creatures || Incubus!John, Worried Sherlock, Tail Penetration, Somnophilia, PWP, Threats of Non-Con) – A concerned Sherlock watches as John seems to be rapidly losing weight. What he discovers is that John really isn't normal. And he is very, very hungry. The tail was the real surprise.

Caves in the Mountains Are Seldom Unoccupied by starrysummernights & TheMadKatter13 (E, 7,925 w., 1 Ch. || Were-Creatures, Werebear John, Pseudo Bestiality, Rimming, Dub Con, Rough Sex, Come Inflation / Eating, Size Kink, PWP, Bratty Sherlock, Rutting) – “This isn’t something to play at, Sherlock,” he snapped. “If it doesn’t work out- what you’re asking of me- we can’t shrug and say 'oh well, at least we tried'. If we do this… I could seriously hurt you. Do you understand? I could lose control. I could… I could kill you.”

On the Losing Side by missselene (E, 8,210 w., 1 Ch. || Anal / Oral, First Kiss / Time, Angst, Misunderstandings, Mild Dub Con / Drunk John) – After Mary's death, John moves back into Baker Street, but is still upset at the loss of his wife and child. Eventually, he and Sherlock stumble into a sort of relationship, but it's more physical than anything and they don't talk about it. They especially don't talk during sex. If they are going to have sex, Sherlock notices the signs hours beforehand, and he prepares carefully. The lights are off, they're under the covers, he prepares himself using lots of lube so he can make it feel as much like a woman as he can, and he doesn't let himself make any noise so that, if John wishes, he can pretend that he's still with Mary.

Better Than One by Innerspace (E, 14,760 w. 1 Ch. || Threesome, Self-cest / Clone Sex, First Time, BJ’s, Power Play, Slight Dub-Con) – Sherlock creates a clone and discovers things about himself and John he never imagined. John is just along for the ride, so to speak.

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It's a lot less cracky than you're probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

A Love with No Name Series by aceofhearts61 (G to M, 49,955 w. across 20 stories || Asexual Sherlock / Straight John, Est. Rel, Queerplatonic Relationship, Romance, Cuddling, Fluff, Platonic Romance, Domestics, Rape/Non-Con) – In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,494 w., 5 Ch. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 (E, 81,665 w., 8 Ch. || Dirty Talk, Threesomes, Light Dom/Sub, Sex Club, Experiments, Anal, Mildly Dubious Consent) – They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.

Secrets and Revelations by Hisstah (E, 83,535 w., 9 Ch. || Sentinel / Guides Omegaverse AU || Adventure, Violence, Anal / Oral, Omega!John / Alpha!Sherlock, Case Fic, Politics, Mild DubCon) – Dr John Watson has some major secrets that he's kept from his flatmate, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock Holmes. Now the Sentinel Tower is after him. Can John stay out of their hands until he can reveal his secrets to Sherlock? Part 1 of Secrets and Revelations

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Ten Days by Engazed (E, 137,208 w., 31 Ch. || Rape/Non-Con, Post-TRF, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, Case Fic) – Sherlock Holmes has been dead for forty months, and John is at last beginning to live his life again. But just when he believes he might be happy, his world crashes back down around him. John is named a missing person. Someone is pointing DI Lestrade in the wrong direction. And as the days pass, his situation only grows more dire. It seems like the disappearance of his best friend is the only thing that can bring Sherlock Holmes back from the dead. Part 1 of The Fallen

A Fold in the Universe by darkest_bird (E, 152,869 w., 26 Ch. || Omegaverse / Prime Universe Crossover || OmegaJohn / AlphaSherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Angst, H/C, Dub Con, Humour) – Alpha Sherlock and Omega John are in a relationship. Prime Sherlock and Prime John are not. So what happens when a freak fold in the universe switches one John for the other?

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w., 31 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate's secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn't he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock's past as events conspire to threaten their future.

MARKED FOR LATER

Three drinks or was it five by iriswallpaper (M, 1,455 w., 1 Ch. || Mild Dub Con / Drunk Sex, Morning After, First Time, Awkwardness / Awkward Sex, Idiots in Love, Avoiding The Talk™/Miscommunication, Fluff, Happy Ending) – Sherlock wakes up beside John, naked in his bed, after a night of getting hammered together on very good Scotch. Trying to spare John embarrassment, Sherlock makes as much noise as possible to indirectly wake John, all the while dreading the Very Important Talk he knows John will want to have.

Scars by Mildredandbobbin (M, 2,516 w., 2 Ch. || Post-TSoT/Pre-HLV, Rape/Non-Con, Hurt/Comfort, Rape Aftermath, Past Torture, Pre-Slash) – On his honeymoon, John starts receiving anonymous texts with increasingly disturbing images. He discovers how much he doesn't know about Sherlock's time away. Part 1 of the Scars series

No Means No by lindor1306 (M, 3,606 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, Underage / Non Con / Rape / Child Abuse, Dub Con, Drunkenness) – When Sherlock attends a party with John, he finds himself in a horribly familiar situation, and learns the meaning of the word 'No'.

Tumblr Mini-fics #7: Triskadekaphilia Fic Fest - The Johnlock Fics by berlynn_wohl (E, 3,791 w., 16 Ch. || First Time, Alley Sex, Dub. Con., Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, ABO Dynamics, Mpreg, Omega Sherlock, Sub Sherlock, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Chastity Device, Drugged Sherlock, Milking, Omega John, Experiments, Nudity, Yoga) – In March 2013, I celebrated 1300 Tumblr followers with my Triskadekaphilia Fic Fest. Followers requested a pairing and a kink, and I wrote a fill for each that was 13 sentences long, with one sentence that was 13 words long, and with one word that was 13 letters long. These are the resulting Johnlock fics. Part 7 of the Tumblr Mini-Fics series

If You Go Out in the Woods Today by Sexxica (E, 5,247 w., 1 Ch. || Fawnlock, Mythical Beings/Creatures, Teen John, Virgin John, Anal Sex / Fingering, Mildly Dub. Con., Bottom John, Top Sherlock, Outdoor Sex, Blow Jobs) – You're sure of a big surprise. 18 year old John Watson certainly didn't expect to stumble into the realm of a forest god, let alone one demanding payment in order to let him and his friend Mike leave.

Company by lookupkate (E, 6,004 w., 2 Ch. || BDSM Club AU || Dom John, Sub Sherlock, Soft Dom John, Mentions of Previous Bad D/S Relationship, Past Non-Con, Humiliation, Happy Ending) – Sherlock goes under cover to suss out an embezzler at a BDSM club. His past is marred by an ex-boyfriend who verbally abused him under the guise of a D/s relationship. What he thinks he needs is a little different than what he needs. Luckily he's placed with someone who can see how fragile he is, Dom John Watson. Once the case is over he realises how much he's going to miss the man. Damn.

Let's go home by thewallflower07 (M, 6,333 w., 2 Ch. || Post-S3, POV Lestrade, Cuddling, Snuggling, Protective John, Hurt/Comfort, Hospital, Restraint, Psychological/Physical Torture, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Non-Con Touching, Non-Con Drug Use, Kidnapping, Fever Dream/Hallucinations, Villain Mary) – Lestrade is driving John to the hospital and helps him bring a heavily injured Sherlock home. In a flashback Mary had kidnapped Sherlock and played her cruel tricks on him. Sherlock is walking through a weird London where nothing is logical and he sees a John Watson he no longer recognizes.

Splat! by Vulgarweed (E, 6,618 w., 1 Ch. || Historical Appalachian 1970′s AU || Dom / Sub, Gunplay, Knifeplay, “Non-Con” Roleplay, Switchlock, Anal, Rimming, Bondage, Hunting Kink, Rough Sex, Object Insertion, Dirty Talk, Comeplay) – Sherlock decides he does want to go hunting with John after all. But not for deer. Part 2 of the The Bone Fiddle series

Pulse by SoftTae (E, 6,620 w., 1 Ch. || Vampire AU || Vampire John, Human Sherlock, Dark John, Dub Con, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Blood Drinking, Anal, Light Bondage, Violent Sex, Biting, Vampire Sex, Angst, Preditor/Prey Dynamic) – This was written for a friend who asked for vampire John, and human Sherlock.

Black Cat by CatieBrie (E, 7,158 w., 1 Ch. || Psychological Horror, Supernatural Elements, Disturbing Themes, Body Horror, Sex, Major Consent Issues / Possible Rape, MCD, Intent Magic, Ambiguity) – He’s watching Sherlock crawl up his body, doesn’t have to see to know he has a blade tucked away somewhere, knows his body will react no matter what. “Do you know what this is, John?” Sherlock holds up a doll made of rudimentary cloth stuffed with god knows what. It’s wearing a crude rendition of John’s favorite striped shirt, denim pants and the hair is too fine and blonde-shocked-grey to be anything else but his.John tries to answer, has no voice, shakes his head. “It’s a poppet.” Sherlock explains, pushes the arms together and John’s limbs react, snapping to his sides and remaining there even as he tries desperately to struggle free.

Perception by orphan_account (M, 7,821 w., 1 Ch. || Rape/Non-Con) – John is perceptive sometimes.

A Chemical Defect Found (On the Losing Side Remix) by AreteArt (M, 7,978 w., 1 Ch. || First Time / Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Mildly Dubious Consent, Angst, Fluff, Misunderstandings, Pining, Anal / Oral Sex, Frottage) – A remix of missselene's "On the Losing Side." After Mary's death, John moves back into Baker Street. He and Sherlock stumble into a relationship, or something of that sort. Sherlock's rather giving when it comes to sex, but that doesn't mean he and John ever talk about it.

A Study in Asexuality by ladyxdarcy (M, 8,082 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Acephobia, Mentions of Rape/Corrective Rape Therapy, Past Suicidal Ideation, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Overdose, Past Mary/John, Emotional Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Vulnerable Sherlock, Est. Rel., Angst with Happy Ending, Fluff) – When Sherlock, asexual to his core, fears that John may grow bored of a sexless life, he decides to do whatever it takes to make John happy so he stays. Good thing John is already happy.

as if not spoken to in the act of love by coloredink (E, 8,288 w., 1 Ch. || Dubious Consent, Codependency, Angst, Drama, Consent Issues) – Sherlock endures the indignities, bodies squirming against one another, the sweat, the saliva, because of John's jam in the fridge and sour-breathed kisses in the morning.

Making History by SaraDobieBauer (M, 8,622 w., 6 Ch. || Vampire AU || Season 1, Vampire John, Dark John, Bondage, Dub Con, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes lay unconscious and handcuffed to John’s bed. John had been waiting for this day ever since he’d first met the consulting detective. He'd been waiting for centuries really.

Slave by skadi_zlata (E, 15,654 w., 1 Ch. || Slavery AU || Rape/Non-Con, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Dub Con, Abuse, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In the gambling dens of a vaguely AU London, John Watson has won and lost fortunes in a night. One evening he winds up playing with entirely the wrong crowd, the kind of people that make him feel he’ll be lucky to get out of there with his life – let alone anything else. But the announced prize is somewhat unexpected. It’s an abused slave with dark curly hair and mesmerizing blue-grey eyes.

Kingdoms Rise by colbee (E, 15,668 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF, References to Canon, Graphic Descriptions of Crime Scenes, Mentions of Rape) – "The name is Sherlock Holmes, and I broke in."

The Wench Is Dead by Chryse (E, 15,915 w., 1 Ch. || Underage, Extreme Dub Con, Flashback, Manipulative Relationship) – “You thought…not just you, Molly too. Probably everyone assumed it. You thought that bad things happened because I used drugs. That I made terrible choices and got myself hurt. And you weren’t wrong, not exactly. You just got it backwards.” What Sherlock put in the box. Part 2 of the Another Country series

Evidence of Human Life by thesardine (E, 16,906 w., 1 Ch. || Possessive Sherlock, Mental Health Issues, Rough Sex, Dubious Consent) – Sherlock's sanity deteriorates while he and John are stranded on a deserted island.

Broken Wings and Cigarettes by solisandluna (NC-17, 20,298 w., 10 Ch. || Violence, Abuse, Rape, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Sherlock Whump, Dark Story) – Sherlock has been missing for two years. So when he is found in a cellar, tortured and raped, how will John help him recover? Can he get over the shock and guilt of seeing his seeing his friend so abused? And can Sherlock be fixed?

A Question of Intent by Mildredandbobbin (E, 22,129 w., 6 Ch. || Omegaverse || Dub Con / Consent Issues, Misunderstandings, Knotting, First Time, Switching, Mating Cycles, Top/Bottom O!Sherlock, Top/Bottom A!John) – Sherlock was on the bed, naked, writhing, tangled in the sheets, on all fours and apparently in the full throes of a Heat. So very not good, the non-lizard part of John's brain was saying -- the enlightened 21st Century, reconstructed Alpha part, the part that supported Omega contra-heat, equality, pro-choice, the Omega rape legislation and general gender liberation. The part that knew Sherlock did not, obviously did not, want to copulate with him and certainly did not want to bond.

Consent by KeelieThompson1 (M, 26,466 w., 11 Ch. || OMC, Rape/Non-Con, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Developing Relationship, Triggers) – Sherlock has a difficult past regarding sex which John discovers when he tries to change their relationship.

Dubious by mslilylashes (M, 29,907 w., 14 Ch. || Rape/Non-Con, Dub. Con, Abusive Relationships, Victor Trevor) – John says every time Sherlock says 'stop' he will do so immediately. Sherlock knows that there is always a point that most men say they can't stop. The idea that John might be so much more than what Sherlock has come to expect from other men intrigues him, so he begins an experiment in consent. John begins to realise he is being tested, but he doesn't know why. (Does he ever when it comes to Sherlock?) All he knows is that something happened in Sherlock's past to make him think that what he wants or doesn't want doesn't matter in the bedroom. Then the nightmares start. Part 1 of the Dubious series

Lessons in Astronomy Series by CaitlinFairchild (E, 31,164 w. across 3 stories || Angst, Post S3, Grief/Mourning, Mildly DubCon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Physical Abuse, Oral/Anal Sex, Unrequited Love, Pining, Sibling Incest (No Actual Holmescest), Masturbation, Accidental Voyeurism, Drug Addiction, Romance, Dev. Rel., Trust Issues, Happy Ending) – In a different time, a more naive time, Sherlock thought he was the star and John the satellite, circling him in worshipful orbit. He knows now that was never true. John was always the sun, bright and fierce, and Sherlock was the pale, cold moon, his only heat coming from the light he reflected. And then his sun went into supernova. Moriarty said he would burn him and he has, and John is the fire, his rage and grief incinerating Sherlock, burning the heart out of him in the end, turning him into nothing but cinder and ash. And now the supernova is collapsing, a black hole born where there was once warmth and heat and love, and Sherlock is being pulled down, down past the event horizon, into the endless frozen void where nothing can ever escape.

Unsettled by AxeMeAboutAxinomancy (E, 33,879 w., 10 Ch. || HIs Dark Materials AU || Daemons, Dark Themes, Non-Con) – Sherlock's dæmon hadn't settled. Once John realised that, so much made sense. Though so much else didn't, because it practically wasn't possible. Part 1 of the The Utmost Edge of Hazard series

The Half-Life of Love by Calais_Reno (E, 38,751 w., 12 Ch. || Dev. Rel. Angst with Happy Ending, Obsessive / Possessive Sherlock, Different First Meeting, Manipulative Mycroft, Drug Withdrawal, Rehabilitation, Pining, Mild Dub Con, Abusive Parents) – “Maybe we met too soon or at the wrong time, under the wrong circumstances,” said John. Sherlock shrugged. “Hypothesis Contrary to Fact: none of these 'what ifs' happened, so it’s all pointless speculation. We did, in fact, meet at a specific time and place.”

Renegades by augustbird (E, 39,405 w., 12 Ch. || TRF AU, Dubious Consent, Torture, Drug Use) –  Sherlock Holmes takes down Moriarty’s syndicate. He also takes John Watson with him. AU of The Reichenbach Fall.

Shadow by MapleleafCameo (M, 40,845 w., 11 Ch. || Rape/Non-Con, Supernatural Elements, Non-Con Kissing, Non-Con Touching, Dub Con, Implied Slavery, BAMF Molly, Angst, Creepy) – Invaders from an alternate universe, another dimension, invaders called Shadows have humanity fighting for their own survival. John, captured by the Shadows, has more to fight for more than he originally thought. Eventual Johnlock.

Defrag by 7PercentSolution (T, 43,748 w., 21 Ch. || Graphics Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage, Angst, Drug Use, PTSD Sherlock, Memory Palace, Case Fic, Mental Health Issues) – Sherlock's hard-drive needs to be cleaned up; viruses detected, malware files deleted, memory freed up, order restored. Follows on chronologically from Musgrave Blaze, but there will be enough back story to stand alone if you haven't read that yet. An important Part of the Game Theory Series. Part 4 of the Game Theory series

Silence by halloa_what_is_this (T, 44,993 w., 13 Ch. || The Piano Fusion || Victorian Sherlock, Dub Con, Voyeurism, Permanent Mutilation, Johniarty, Mute John) – In 1850, John is a mute young man forced to marry to save his father from indebtedness. His sister as his interpreter and his piano to keep him company, he travels to London to live with his husband James Moriarty. Without John's consent, James sells the piano to his friend Sherlock Holmes, who only asks for lessons from John in return. The lessons turn into a power play between the two when Sherlock proposes a deal: John may earn his piano back one key at a time, certain conditions attached. Part 1 of the Aborted Wings series

Mind the Gap by orphan_account (E, 45,089 w., 6 Ch. || Victor Trevor, Dubious Consent, POV First Person Sherlock, Character Development, Friendship, Pining Sherlock, Fluff, Introspection, Parent Death, Vulnerable Sherlock, Doctor John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Child Abuse, Implied Sexual Abuse, Domestic Abuse) – An introspective journey through the life and relationships of Sherlock Holmes. "I can hear the bones hum beneath pale and freckled skin, this sack that holds my form together. Bits and pieces that start at the bottom and end at the top, hiding the blood, muscle, fat. Cells, knit together, constantly in motion. They'll live and die, and replicate, until total equilibrium is met."

Vault by masterofall14 (M, 47,766 w., 23/31 Ch. || WiP || Loosely Inspired By Room, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Parentlock / Sherlock Has a Son, PTSD, Eventual Johnlock, Suicide Attempt, Pining John, Sherlock Loves John & Vice Versa, Big Brother Mycroft, Triggers, Creepy Magnussen, Happy Ending) – Jack lives in Room with his Pa, Sherlock. They share everything, except the secret that Jack isn't privy to... Room is in Appledore's vault. Magnussen and the woman his Pa calls the Wicked Witch visit when Jack sleeps and Jack can't explain where the bruising on his Pa's body comes from... But if they get out, how will they both cope after years of imprisonment? Even Sherlock, who can imagine nothing other than the four walls he has known for thirteen years...

The Night Is Darkest by missselene (E, 48,461 w., 8 Ch. || Post-TLD, Extremely Dub Con, S4 Rage Monster John, Insecure Sherlock, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Exploration, Healing, Self Care, Self Acceptance, Sexual Exploration, Casual Sex, Gentle Sex, Sherlock/OMC, Threesome with 2 OMCs, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Communication, Internalized Homophobia, Relationship Negotiation) –  Sherlock Holmes would do anything for John Watson... and that includes letting John do whatever he wants to him. What would it take for Sherlock to stand up for himself and finally start taking care of his own needs?

Command Structure by 221b_hound (E, 49,034 w., 16 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post TRF / Not S3 Compliant, Dom/Sub Play, Dom John/Sub Sherlock, Oral/Anal, Anal Fingering, Frottage, Past Child Abuse, Anxiety Attacks, Captain Watson, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective John, Slow Build, PTSD Sherlock, Consensual, Past Dub Con, Rimming) – Sherlock Holmes returns from his hunt to destroy Moriarty’s network. He comes home to John, and at long last they start this thing between them that couldn’t begin while Moriarty threatened them. But Sherlock has returned fractured and suffering anxiety attacks. He thinks he needs discipline - the whip - to help him focus and be strong. But his problems are deeper and run back to a childhood of neglect. John Watson is prepared to be Sherlock’s Captain, but he’s a doctor too. His command style isn’t about pain and subjugation. It’s about care and responsibility: and those concepts go in both directions in Captain Watson’s command structure.

Brotherly Bargain by xenobia4 (E, 50,187+ w., 17/19 Ch. || WiP || Rape/Non-Con Elements, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Abuse, Torture, Blood and Gore, Fisting, Dismemberment, Non-Con Oral, Object Insertion, Watersports) – A violent drug cartel abducts Sherlock Holmes after two of their operations in the UK have been shutdown. They upload the videos of torture online, gaining the attention of both the British government and Mycroft.

Musgrave Blaze by 7PercentSolution (T, 64,527 w., 28 Ch. || Equestrian, Country House, Series One, Murder Mystery, Case Fic, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con) – Mixing ACD canon, Sherlock and John are drawn to the rolling hills of Gloucestershire to investigate the mysterious disappearance of a horse, the death of its trainer, and the theft of a three-day eventing trophy from Musgrave Hall. Multi-chapter case fic that brings back some old memories for both men.

Roommates are for little people by alexxphoenix42 (E, 69,042 w., 14 Ch. || Teen/Unilock || Forced to Share a Bed, Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Fake Relationship, Sherlock is a Prick, Drinking, Inadvertent Drug Use, Family Wedding, Footballer John / Ballet Dancer Sherlock, Frottage, Slow Burn, Mild Dub Con, Cuddling While Sleeping, Slight Homophobia, Posh Boy, Dirty Dancing, Endearments, Nosy FAmily, Bathing Together, Mild Angst, UST/RST, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff) – John was looking forward to seeing his friends back at uni, but a new year brings new complications, not the least of which is a dorm room with only one bed, and a stroppy roommate with an utterly spectacular arse. God, John doesn't need the headache.

Sherlock's Bane by toggledog (E, 70,095 w., 19 Ch. || Post-TRF, Rape/Non-Con, Rape Recovery) – John's friend, DI Toll, is brought onto a case involving murder and the destruction of a Mozart bust. He starts sexually harassing Sherlock. Toll being such a likeable guy, this appears to go unnoticed by everyone. Sherlock, himself just wants to work on the case and not cause trouble for John. However, the harassment starts getting more and more obscene…

Next Right: Welcome to Westbound Rest Area 818 by elwinglyre (E, 73,618 w., 16 Ch. || American Unilock AU || Bunk Beds, Anonymous Sex, Homophobia, Closeted John, Roommates, Angst with Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Music, Rape/Non-Con, Hurt John, BAMF John) – Sherlock Holmes dreams of escape from his smothering family and space to breathe. Studying chemistry at the University of Michigan, he's almost far enough away to fill his lungs. Almost. While John Watson dreams of being a doctor, he also dreams of being with another man. John knows that with hard work and study, he can make the first a reality, but he's certain the second can never be. Until a secret encounter in the dark at Rest Area 818 changes everything. When Sherlock meets his new roommate, John Watson, he sees a man in the closet. Sherlock hides from no one. Except from his own family, a detective inspector who wants his evidence returned, and his secret encounter at Rest Area 818. Setting late 1970s, Michigan, USA. POV third person alternates between John Watson and Sherlock Holmes.

This Is Your Song by agirlsname (E, 79,990 w., 19 Ch. || Moulin Rouge Fusion || Prostitute Sherlock, Poet John, Acting, Singing, Dancing, Writing, Poetry, Musical, Song Fic, Heavy Angst, Unreliable Narrator, Sherlock is French, Love at First Sight, UST, First Kiss/Time, Frottage, Coming in Pants, Anal Sex, Switchlock, Clothed Sex, Crossdressing, Secret Relationship, Forbidden Love, Jealousy, Terminal Illnesses, Grief/Mourning, Breakup/Makeup Sex, Past Drug Use, Attempted Rape, Canon-Typical Violence)– When John Watson is invalided home from the army in 1895, he moves to Paris to rediscover his writing and find a new meaning in life. His old friend Stamford invites him into a group of artist friends, and suddenly John finds himself auditioning to write a show for the famous brothel across the street. There, he meets the most beautiful man he’s ever seen - Sherlock, the star of the Moulin Rouge. But Sherlock is already promised to the investor of the show, the rich Duke Moriarty.

Stranger at the Gate by bendingsignpost (E, 85,190 w., 11 Ch. || Vampire AU || Vampire Sherlock, John with a Sword, Hypnotism, Vampire Sex, Dub-Con, Lying Sherlock, Vampire Puberty) -  As far as initiation rites go, kidnapping a human doctor from a defended town ought to seem extreme. When James Moriarty offers him the challenge, Sherlock never considers saying no.

A Study in Slavery by sweetinsane (M, 88,538+ w., 12/? Ch. || WIP || Dark / Slavery AU || ASiP, Angst, Domestic Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Slow Build, Dehumanization, Sexual Slavery, Child Abuse, Master/Slave Dynamics, Dark Content) – John has never owned a slave of his own, but after returning from Afghanistan is awarded one with his pension. A disobedient male slave with way too much troubling history, however, is not what he would have chosen himself.

Fade To Black by twistedthicket1 (M, 93,389 w., 29 Ch. || Split Personality Disorder, Action, Romance, Violence, Implied Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Fluff and Angst, Baskerville, Human Experimentation, PTSD, Implied Self Harm) – John Watson believes one day he'll just fade. That he'll drown in the black spaces of his mind, and that one day he will no longer exist. It's always been like this, the dark spots marking out moments in his life he can't remember. Where for just a moment he's someone else. Having a Dissociative identity disorder, he can't even be entirely sure he's really who he says he is. Then he meets Sherlock Holmes. A brilliant detective who when he looks at you can read your entire life story. John is immediately fascinated and afraid, half-wondering if maybe Sherlock can see the other personalities in him and half terrified of the thought of him finding out. Becoming his flatmate seems at once to be a wonderful and horrible idea. Yet as John's Blackouts become more and more severe and his other personalities begin to truly awaken and show themselves with Sherlock's help, the two soon discover that sometimes even the kindest person can harbour a demon best left untouched inside of them. Because not all of John's other personalities play nicely and some may be hiding secrets best left undisturbed...

A Waste of Breath by Chryse (E, 95,452 w., 25 Ch. || References to Drugs, Dubious Consent, First Time, Friendship / Love, Hurt / Comfort, Angst) – John had always assumed Sherlock was uninterested, untouchable, married to his work. He was wrong on all counts. But when Sherlock embarks on a relationship, John worries that he is in over his head.. .and this time he might be right.

We're All A Little Mad Here by angelblack3 (E, 98,019+ w. across 4 works || Series WiP || Dark AU, Obsessive Behaviour, Stockholm Syndrome, Torture, Kidnapping, Dark Sherlock, Abusive Relationship, Bondage, Aphrodisiacs, Rape/Non-Con, Painplay) – In this universe, Jim got a hold of Sherlock way before he ever met the ones that were meant to save him. Now, they're happy business partners. Though, according to Jim, Sherlock isn't nearly as happy as he could be. He should find someone like Jim found his dear pet Sebby. Sherlock is skeptical, until he finds an army doctor with a psychosomatic limp in a twisted sense of fate.

Riptide Lover by jinglebell (E, 114,090 w., 20 Ch. || Merfolk & Victorian AU || Mermaid Sherlock, Human John, BAMF John/Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Mild Gore, Dubious Interspecies Consent, Stockholm Syndrome, Dark Romance, Dubcon and Morality, Rough Sex, Abstract Mentions of Rape, Size Queen, Switchlock, Foot Fetish) – The year is 1866. When John becomes swept overboard, he never expects to encounter a living creature of myth. When the merman absconds with John, the lost sailor must use every tool at his disposal to convince Sherlock not to kill him. But it seems that killing John Watson is not what the deadly, beautiful creature has in mind at all...

Thirst by bittergreens (E, 122,257 w. || Post TGG, POV John, Angst, Pining John, UST/RST, Masturbation, PTSD, Sexual Fantasy, First Kiss/Time, Nightmares, Frottage, Friends to Lovers, BAMF John, Mildly Dub Con, Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Rain Sex, Voice Kink/Porn, Loud Sex, Rimming, Fingering, Dirty Talk, Case Fic, Baths / Bath Sex, Mild Gore, Psychological Torture, Fluff, Slow Burn) – When John realizes he has feelings for Sherlock and decides he must keep those feelings secret at all costs, the resulting tension might bring Baker Street to the ground.

"Merry Christmas" I wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying "I love you" by starrysummernights (E, 135,132+ w., 30/31 Ch. || WIP || Post S4, Slow Burn, Mary is Not Nice, Christmas, Fluff, Smut, Angst, Parentlock, Past Torture / Rape) – John has moved back into 221B with his daughter Rosie after Mary was killed, but things are not exactly comfortable between him and Sherlock. After everything that has happened, they are trying to become friends again...and maybe something more. What better time than the Christmas season?! Takes place after TLD.

A Little Help from my Friends by Ttime42 (E, 140,776 w., 28 Ch. || BDSM AU || Switchlock, Fluff, Verbal Abuse, Bondage, Hospitalization, Military Kink, Teacher/Student Roleplay, Consensual, Punishment, Violence, Blood, Knives, Past Drug Use, Dub Con, Masturbation, Case Fic, PDA, Stalking, John’s Giant Junk, Aftercare, Kidnapping, Happy Ending) – In a world where everyone identifies as either a dominant or a submissive, Sherlock is having a rough time moving on from a bad relationship and has sworn off doms forever. John has recently returned to London from war and has a fortuitous run in with an old friend in a park. Sherlock and John's lives are changed forever because of that chance meeting, and they'll both find their way through life with a little help from their friends.

The Frost Is All Over by Chryse (E, 148,518 w., 21 Ch. || Pining Love, Implied / Referenced Rape / Non-Con, Period Typical Homophobia, Virginity, Teenlock, Major Illness, Implied / Referenced Child Abuse) - John was brave and clever and loyal, a commoner who longed for an exciting life. Sherlock was dashing and brilliant and passionate, an Earl’s son who longed to solve crimes. Being a Tale of Glorious Adventures, Love Letters, Treachery, Longing, Secret Identities, Deathbed Confessions, First Kisses, Daring Escapes, and True Love.

Failing Upward by elwinglyre (E, 204,847 w., 40 Ch. || Parallel Universes || Rape/Non-Con, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Magical Realism, Science Fiction, Supernatural Sex, Non-Con Unwanted Frottage, Memory Loss, First Time, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Johnn, Friends to Lovers, First Person POV John) – When John Watson, a young med student who supports himself as a florist-by-day and musician-by-night, finds he is heir to supernatural powers that others would kill to possess, John’s life transforms into a mixture of comedy and terror. As he fights to understand what’s real and what’s imagined, he travels from one alternate universe to another. Along the way he finds the key was there all along: his brilliant best friend, Sherlock Holmes, the man who becomes the touchstone for all that John is and ever will be. Set in current day cities and countryside of Michigan, this story blends romance, magical realism and science fiction with humor. Part 1 of the Failing Upward Universe series

A River Without Banks by Chryse (E, 203,286 w., 23 Ch. || Alternate Realities || Angst with Happy Ending, Depression, Suicide, Violence, Torture, Rape/Non-Con Elements, PTSD, Serial Killers, Virgin Sherlock) – "You love this, being Sherlock Holmes."He had once. When had it all gone so wrong?

The Jewel in the Tower by PoppyAlexander (E, 207,079 w., 39 Ch. || Dystopian AU, Violence, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Mild Dub Con, One World Government, Class Issues, Assassin John / Geisha Sherlock, Self Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Espionage, Miscommunication, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Letters/Texting, Phone Sex, Infidelity, First Time, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Injury Recovery, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Scars, Misgendering, Happy Endings) – In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace – despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world's pleasure districts. John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world's most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned "drashaskaya," the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled. In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London's pleasure district. (PUBLISHED AS “At Night in the Floating World”)

Conductivity Series by liriodendron (E, 207,367 w. across 7 works || TRF / Post TRF, ReunionCanon Typical Violence, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Romance, Sexual Tension, First Kiss/Time, Synesthesia, Power Dynamics, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Case Fic, Est. Rel., References to Drug Use, Homophobic Language, Religious Content, Intercrural Sex, Unrequited Love, Angst, References to Suicide, Injury, Anal, Dub. Con, BDSM, Suicidal Thoughts, Violent Sex, Suicide, Grief/Mourning, Break Up) – In which Sherlock Holmes locates his heart, John Watson learns what it's like to burn, and there is no darkness that cannot be made bright.

Deflowered - Director’s Cut by Lorelei_Lee (E, 328,535 w., 51 Ch. || Mafia / Mob AU || Rape/Non-Con, Dub-Con, Boss John/Rentboy Sherlock, Bottomlock, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous John, Prostate Milking, Sounding, Anal Beads/Plug, Anal Sex / Fingering, Spanking, Begging, Blow Jobs, Riding Crops, Begging, Romance, Desperation, Minor Character Death, Implied Self Harm, Violence) – It should have been strictly business. Being a Mafia boss with a sadistic sexual streak, John had long since realised that his playthings were in it for the money only. Being a masochistic rent boy, Sherlock seemed too good to be true. Little did they know…

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Apologies' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Apologies"

Chapter Summary : After spent some 'private moments' with Park, Bell is facing a nightmare......

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3300

------------------------------

This night......this night has certainely became one of the best nights I'm living since I left my coma, after I was finally able to see & found Park again after 3 years. It's.....something else.....something that I didn't experience for like, ages. I think that this moment were awaited a lot by the both of us for a very long time....3 years.....I don't know how we were able to resist this far but tonight, it was done. We realized that we couldn't wait anymore as we are always working around to stop Perseus and even if our fight is important, we needed to do this.

I could finally discover for the first time how she was looking behind all of those clothes and to say, she was the most amazing woman to be with. Helen Park, the british MI6 spy.....was the most beautiful woman I have seen in my entire life. She is so fucking incredible ! She has maybe did bad things on me by lying about my state but the most important thing now is that I'm believing in her, I'm loving her.....and I want to stay with her for an large part of my life, I want to dream of that and if I die while fighting Perseus, she would have been there for me on my way to my redemption.

We spent at least 2 hours, finally enjoying ourselves where we kissed each other, admiring the other for minutes before starting all over again. To say, we had sex and it was incredible, pretty amazing before we finally decided to rest after letting our emotions express themselves during this time. I preferred to stay with her, wanting to sleep with her in my arms. After what we did, did I really wanted to go back in my room and sleep alone ? Hell no !

Drinking was never one of my things in my life but here I am, in my office in the Lubyanka, just taking a sip from a little glass filled with scotch and at the same time, I was having a cigarette between my fingers in the hand I had my glass. I was dressed in the same uniform as before and as always without any jacket and the top button of my shirt was removed. I could seen that we were in December 1980, especially the 27th.

Zasha wasn't here to work and I was looking sad, giving a look to everything around me, trying to understand why and how I'm here. On my office, there were reports of Perseus talking about Greenlight and by the look of it, I did get on my nerves as there were remarks on some reports : 'MURDERER' with a arrow pointing to Perseus name, 'ASSHOLE' pointing at Kadivar's name and 'DOUCHEBAG' on a strange name....'Stitch'. There were an big question mark pointed to someone called Sonya but I don't know why.

I was going to put some scotch inside my glass before the red phone that was on my desk start to ring but instead of picking it up, I let it ring until it stopped as I took another drink. I thought that it was doen but then, the phone rang again and I reluctantly agree to pick it up.

"Grigoriev...." I muttered in a lazy voice.

"Thanks, god ! Grigoriev, you're here !" It was the voice of a woman, sounding relieved that I took the phone

"Portnova ?" I said, recognizing the voice.....Zasha's love. "Is there something wrong ?"  I asked, keeping my voice lazy and....filled with alcohol.

"Yes, you need to come at Zed's place, they're having an panick attack !" She exclaimed, panicked.

"What ?" I raised my voice, getting up from my chair in an instant that goes behind me, hitting the wall.

"They need you real quick, they can't stop to think of you." She affirmed, her breath getting louder at the seconds.

"I'm coming as fast as I can !" I admitted before I hang up the phone.

I was starting to panick as I just learned that my best friend life was in danger before I took back control and act. I took a leather jacket that was on a coat hanger, grab my car keys and I immediately left my office, starting to run in the numerous Lubyanka hallways that was filled with guards at each corner to get to my car. They could have think that I was going crazy by seeing me running all around the place but I needed to save my friend. I even runned through the metals detectors, jumping between them as there were people in it.

I was too fast as the guards wanted to stop me because I did that before I finally reached my car and drove off the place to get to Zasha's appartment. I was really nervous on the wheel, getting myself angry each time something was blocking the way and after 5 longs minutes, I was able to arrive at the complex Zasha was living, parked my car in front of it before I runned straight inside. I get up the stairs in a lighting speed and then, I was at their door, knocking multiple times. The door finally opened after at least 3 louds knocks.

"Finally !" It was Portnova who opened the door, still breathing loudly.

"I made it as fast as possible." I exclaimed, letting me enter into the appartment and closing the door behind me. "Where's Zed ?" I asked clearly.

"In their bedroom." She replied and in a second, I started to walk rapidly towards their room and entering, discover Zasha on their bed, panicking and sweating, trying to catch their breath. "Zed !"

"Yirina....Yirina....Yirina." They started to move slowly, spreading their arms before I arrived next to them, taking them in my arms too.

"It's okay, I'm here." I affirmed, trying to recomfort them at my maximum, in my arms. "Stop panicking." I whispered, feeling them shaking.

"I can't, I can't." They then removed themselves from my arms, lying down on their bed as I decided to sit next to them, needing to control them.

"Where's Dedov ?" I asked, looking at the door as I didn't see him when I arrived in the appartment before I looked back to Zasha who were on the verge of crying. "Zed, where's Dedov ?" I asked again

"He left !" They replied and their voice they used broke me inside by hearing it. "I woke up this morning and to go wake him up like every day but he wasn't there."

"No....you can't be serious, right ?" I whispered.

"I looked everywhere : he left to me a letter saying he decided to left the country to go to England....to study at Oxford." They added, releasing a little tear from their right eye. "He want me to join him but Perseus is blocking me, he said that he had plans for me & Dedov. He left because of him too."

"Perseus...." I breathed, angered by this man name, clenching my left fist before I moved to clean up their tears as they started finally crying. "No....don't cry, please...." I then started to move to get them back in my arms.

"We're the bad guys, Yirina." They affirmed, crying in my shoudler. "Because of us, we have doomed Europe."

"No, Zed. We're gonna stop Perseus together !" I proclaimed, true in my words before I suddenly decided to move to get next to them on the bed, lying down on top of the blanket with them, starting to look at the ceilling. "How it's possible that I let myself stay in his organization instead of following a normal life ?"

"We could have fled for years....and we only think of it now." Zasha said as we were both our hands on our respectives chests.

"He lied to me for years and I just discovered it a week ago and instead of fleeing, I'm staying." Right now, we were both saying our own thoughts, realizing our own mistakes. "We're just now people that are trying to redeem themselves." I let myself my left hand between us, removing it from my chest. "We need to defect."

"You're right, we need to do this but we need a plan."  They told before I could feel their right hand going on top of my left hand and I wasn't taken aback by that. "Yirina ?"

"Mmhm ?" I looked at them with an very small grin and they were doing the same.

"If Freya wasn't there for you....if I didn't had Portnova, I think that I would have been with you...." They admitted and I could only offer a smile even if I wasn't so sure of it.

"I don't know...." I breathed, biting my lips.

"It's....it's okay if you didn't have the same view on me but I wanted to share it with you."  They added, giving me a good look.

"You're still my friend, Zed. I'm assuring you that." I smiled in return before I could feel something touching my legs, I looked at them to discover Beans, their cat, arriving slowly between us. "Hey, Beans !" I whispered, causing Beans to meow

"Come here, my little Beans." Zasha gently ordered, giving tap next to our joined hands and it meowed as he arrived to lay down exactly where they tapped. "That's a good cat." They said in a low voice, moving their hand to pat Beans head.

"It's good to see Beans recomforting you." I exclaimed as they were focused on Beans before I looked at them, putting my hand on their cheek, wanting to make them sure of something,

"Don't worry, we will get through this together !"

I suddenly woke up with a start in Park's bed, troubled by that memory I just had : seeing Zasha in a panick attack, giving me claims of what I told Freya during that memory in the Ural Mountains. We indeed stopped Perseus but....where's Zasha ? Where is Dedov ? Where is Portnova ? What happened between this date and the 13th of January 1981, the day Kadivar shot me on that airfield in Turkey ? They need to still be alive, they had to be and right now, I'm trying to find them all.

Currently, I wasn't feeling okay to go back to sleep right now. I awake at Park's sight, behind her as we were both naked....I could see a part of her back filled of some scars she has suffered back in North Korea, whipped and tortued. She explained it to me when I saw it for the first time and I was very touched by it. I was suddenly, feeling thirsty, needing to drink something. I decided to grab my clothes, putting only on me, my underwear, my bra and my shirt as it was more comfy. I checked the time very quickly : 4:10 AM.

I put them without making a noise, not wanting to awake Park who was sleeping peacefully and before leaving bed, I gave her behind her neck a little kiss and then, I slowly started to walk out of the room, knowing that I would be back in no time with her at her side. Quietly closing her door before I go down the stairs, only facing the silence that was invading the house but when I was down, I realized that someone was still up as the light in the kitchen was still turned on. I moved in it as I wanted to take a drink before I saw Sims, sitting on a chair, his pistol on the table and looking at it.

"Sims ?" I said, causing him to brutally move his head, been scared by my presence as I didn't make big noises to arrive in the room, he almost reached for his gun.

"Shit, you could have told me that it was you." He exclaimed, sounding scared as he was redressing himself on the chair. "I thought you were a viet-cong !"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were there." I replied, moving next to a cupboard to grab a bottle of water that Wolf showed to us when we arrived here "And no, I'm not a Viet-cong or someone from the NVA." I scoffed and I wanted to go but I was wondering something so I decided to sit on a chair "You're looking troubled, Sims."

"Oh me, I'm pretty good." He looked at me with an smile, trying to joke but he was faking it, something was betraying him....his eyes. "Well, no....still got PTSD from Vietnam." He added, giving me his real look : sad and troubled.

"So, that's why you're not in your room ?" I asked and he slowly nodded to me, biting his lips in the process.

"There's sometimes that I don't have them and some where I have them back." He replied, adding to his nodding. "Been 16 years I'm facing that and somehow, I'm still thinking how I'm still alive and not dead with some of my brothers-in-arms in Vietnam."

"That war has changed many people, Sims." I said, getting myself into something I barely do and know, knowing that my memories with my 'best friend' Russell Adler is fake. "I'm not saying that's the same thing but sometimes, there's moment when I think why I didn't left Perseus."

"What do you mean ?" He asked, curious

"I never believed in Perseus ideas...never...I hated to work with him and now, I'm realizing that stopping him is the only way to redeem myself of what I have done for him." I replied, breathing by telling him the truth as he didn't know that at all. "I'm not an fanatic ex-Perseus agent, just someone that want to do the good around her."

"And that's what you did : you're a good person, you helped us to get to Solovetsky and you're helping us again even after Adler did to you." He admitted. Inside of me, I was thinking that everyone in the West was seeing me as a good person and it was making me feel good. "I think you're not doing this for Adler but for yourself and for those you believe in."

"Exactly." I expressed before I opened the bottle to drink a large part of it before looking back at him, still having his eyes on me. "What ?" I asked, in a low voice.

"You know, I'm sorry to have kinda avoided you back at that time three years ago." He responded, referring to him, avoiding as much to talk to me. "At first, I just saw you as a russian girl running around with my memories along with Adler's ones before I realized that day where Lazar talked to me about you, explaining your kindness." He added, feeling sorry in his voice

"Thanks." I whispered.....before I start to see Lazar in my head...suddenly, I was feeling to be the one to be sorry for. "I'm sorry too !"

"For ?" He raised an eyebrow

"Laz'....." I sniffed, holding back my tears "I saw him like a brother....and that day in Cuba, I wasn't so fast to save him." I could see Sims getting troubled, hearing me. "I know that you two were best friends and I'm feeling so sorry to not be able to save him." He didn't say anything at me, just grinning a little as he was crossing his arms. "I'm so fucking sorry, Sims !"

"It's okay, Yirina." He breathed, giving me a little smile and nodding slowly. "It wasn't your fault."

"This is what I want to say to myself but I can't." I explained to him, Lazar's death is in my hands, I should have been faster...

"Hey !" He started, putting his arms on the table. "Don't blame yourself, I'm pretty sure that Lazar is surely happy about you now and your choices." He then start to laugh "I'm pretty sure that he's happy to see you with Park." By hearing this, I almost choked myself with the remaining water of the bottle....did he learn of it and how ?

"Uhm....." I looked away in shame, blushing and trying to hide it. "Me & Park, it's just...."

"Yirina...." He cut me straight, giving me a look that could say 'I know and you know' "It's been 3 years that I know that : Lazar unintentionally told me about it." He told me, sure of his answer. "And to say, during almost 1 hour, I heard you both from the floor, saying each other's name almost loudly." He added, laughing about it. Damn, I didn't thought that we were this loud.

"Well.....okay, we're together but you're keeping it a secret ?" I asked, giving him a serious look, he nodded. "If someone know outside of you and Adler, she's gonna get fired from the MI6....and I will kill you both." I said, almost joking at the end, to appease him before I wanted to know something. "Is Wolf....aware ?"

"No." He shook his head "He left before you two start your things : he had to go recover the remaining materials we need to work with at the other side of the city and to have some intels on someone."

"What about Adler ?" I asked as we didn't know of their status.

"He has arrived in Irak with Mason, Woods and some others person that will help them in tracking down Rabalwi." He replied, looking at a satellite phone posed on the kitchen counter. "They already started to work, it will take them at least 3-4 days and maybe 5-6 days for us against Duvall." He added, giving me the details of their side.

"And then, we're all back to West-Berlin...." I rolled my eyes at thinking of it. "Glad to say that I'm in the New Orleans."

"You got lucky that Adler put the three of us in the US, I think you would have killed him if you had to stay a single day with him." He scoffed, taking a breath about it. "I think you should go back with Park, you're looking tired."

"I didn't talk about my past." I joked but anyway, I start to get up from my chair, putting the empty bottle in the trash bin of the kitchen "For real, you're right, I'm tired." I said

"Enjoy the rest." He exclaimed, smiling at me but there were something strange,

"You're staying here ?" I asked, seeing him not moving at all from his chair, he nodded.

"I want to take sometimes to think." He responded, removing his arms from the table to get comfy on his chair, back at the same position I found him but not the same face as before. "Good night, Yirina."

"Good night, Sims." I whispered before I left the kitchen, leaving him alone but inside of me, I would have like to help him to get some sleep. Instead, he preferred to stay in the kitchen, wanting to think and I knew that it was better to leave him in his thoughts, maybe good.

I was still a little troubled to know more about who was Lawrence Sims, the man I was supposed to be 'best friend' and where we were making 'a hell of a team' as described by Adler himself in that 'Fracture Jaw' memory. I was able to make some amends with him about some events and some things and I think it went well for us. I go up the stairs to join back Park's room and I entered it to find that Park was now facing my direction I was. I quickly moved to join her back.

"Yirina...." She said in a very low voice, her eyes narrowed to the max.

"It's okay, I'm here" I told her as I put myself back in the bed with her. "I had a little nightmare, I just wanted to have a drink, that's all." I then put a little kiss on her forehead, causing her to smile before I took her in my arms, to give her some heat and recomfort, thinking of a lot of things.....

"Don't worry....we will get through this.....together !"

[paintedrecs]

Since you've semi-recently gotten into "Gargoyles," do you have some fanfic recommendations for it? (And yes, you can include your own fics if you want. We don't mind.)

Hahaha honestly I don’t have a lot of other recommendations - when I was close to finishing the show, I got impatient and checked the David Xanatos/Owen Burnett tag on AO3, which <em>literally had six fics in it</em>. I was surprised and disappointed, and I spent a few days idly writing a fic in my own head. Since there was nothing out there for me, I had to create my own content.

At one point, I told @mad-madam-m​, “I'm talking myself out of writing a Gargoyles fic that 1 person (me) would read.” She replied, “Why would you talk yourself out of that.” I said, “.....huh, fair point I guess.” A few days later, I’d posted an 11k fic.

The funny part is that M, who had not seen the show at that point, has now written 10 Gargoyles fics (going on a 30k+ 11th) to my 4. So really, she played herself.

I’ve poked around in a few other Gargoyles fics - basically scrolled through the whole tag and checked for anything that sounded like it had sufficient Owen in it - but I’m...kinda picky about my pairings, and I’ve gotten weirdly attached to the rarest possible dynamic in this fandom. (Polyamorous Xanatos, married to Fox and dating Owen, but without any romantic/sexual OT3 trio action.) 

And I’m also very picky about how people write Owen, because there’s this odd tendency to separate Owen Burnett from Puck, treating them as different people/personalities. Owen IS Puck. Puck is Owen. Just because his face and name changes doesn’t mean he does. 

I wrote nearly 37,000 words to try to properly convey my love for this incredibly complicated, fascinating character. (Each subsequent fic was because I felt like I didn’t quite do enough in the last one. I still have a few more in me, if I can ever get around to writing them.)

So...my recommendations...really are just my fics and M’s. Sorry!! It’s sad for me, too. :(

Here they are, though, if anyone’s interested. 

My Fics

Then Fate O’errules (30k)

This two-part series has my original Owen POV fic (11k), and an 18k Xanatos POV follow up, since M wanted to know what Xanatos was thinking during all of their relationship drama. (These fics are, incidentally, the first time I ever used the E rating. Gargoyles is an oddly inspiring show.)

I’ve left this as a complete series, since it covers everything I wanted it to, and I consider it a full story.

However...I’ve been dipping back in with timestamp-style fics, so everything I’ve written for this pairing all fits within the same universe: canon-compliant, with the very slight and (I think) fully believable addition of Xanatos being romantically/sexually involved with Owen.

But a Dream (5k)

Technically this has an unhappy ending (unusual for me), but it fits between chapters of my longer series, so it’s just a glimpse of a tougher point in their relationship, when Owen was stubbornly breaking his own heart and Xanatos was massively failing at communication. I honestly really like what I did with the snapshots of their dynamic here, regardless of the angst.

Spirits of Another Sort (2k)

Another quick timestamp between episodes, because I couldn’t stop thinking about Xanatos putting so much effort into trapping a trickster, when he already had a far more powerful one at home. I also have a LOT of emotions about how incredibly desperate Puck is to stay with Xanatos, as Owen. I love exploring their love, as messy and complicated and painful as it is.

[Pending fics: Another short timestamp, from earlier in their relationship, set in the dojo. An outsider perspective on this unusual Xanatos family dynamic from David’s dad, Petros. And, if I ever manage to go back to it, a fairy tale AU that I fully outlined months ago.]

Mikkimouse’s Fics

To my incredibly great fortune, M ended up liking the Xanatos/Owen dynamic as much as I did, so she’s written a few lovely fics for this pairing, now bringing the grand total in the AO3 tag to fourteen.

The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth (2k)

M and I had a conversation some time ago about A Midsummer Night’s Dream, because how can you talk about Puck (and Oberon, the douchebag) without bringing up that play. M then produced this very wonderful snapshot from later on in the Xanatos/Owen relationship, when they go to a play together and run into unexpected emotions. It’s very tender and true to them. I love this one a lot.

Important Questions (592 words)

Xanatos gets drunk. Owen is indulgent.

Explanations (195 words)

A very short, very sweet glimpse of the Xanatos family. I love seeing Owen’s softer side, especially with young Alexander.

Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be (5k)

While all my fics are tightly focused on the Xanatos family - primarily Xanatos/Owen, with Xanatos/Fox and Alex in the mix - M has really run with the wider Gargoyles world. She’s particularly great at writing Elisa, who’s one of my favorite characters in the show (which might not be visible from my fics, since uh...Owen doesn’t particularly like her, and I’m largely writing from his perspective).

M has a fantastic grasp on Elisa, though, and has fully sold me on the idea of Elisa and Xanatos eventually becoming really solid friends. This fic has achingly great Xanatos/Owen pining, but it’s mostly about Elisa (sniping at Xanatos but grudgingly getting along with him because he’s frustratingly brilliant and ridiculously charming), and it’s A+.

New Friends and Stranger Companies (3k)

Another stop along the “how the effff do Elisa and Xanatos become best friends??” journey, with Xanatos showing up at Elisa’s apartment after the events of The Gathering. There’s some Owen/Xanatos and Fox/Xanatos, but it’s mostly about Elisa & Xanatos starting to see (to Elisa’s dismay) how much they have in common. There aren’t many people in the world who know what it’s like to be a human hopelessly in love with a very powerful...non-human.

It’s messy and complicated and Elisa begins to really get a sense of the kind of guy Xanatos truly is, beyond his immense wealth and evil plots and fondness for messing with her easy-to-mess-with roar-happy winged boyfriend.

Concerns (200 words)

Some episode timestamps, because this really is the kind of show that inspires you to fill in the gaps. First, a brief exchange between Xanatos and Owen after they’ve discovered Goliath and Elisa (their two biggest harassers and meddlers) are off on some Avalon World Tour, leaving them free to do whatever they want.

That Shrewd and Knavish Sprite (2k)

And an exchange between Hudson and Owen during The Price, when Owen got his stone hand and Hudson turned out to be a lot more perceptive and difficult than the extremely easy to predict Goliath. Also an introduction to another unexpected friendship I’m super on board with: Owen needs friends, and Hudson makes weirdly perfect sense. (They’re definitely not there yet in this fic, but I’m hoping for a sequel.)

Gargoyles Three Sentence Fics (575 words)

Some of M’s early explorations of Elisa and Alex, whom she wrote wonderfully even before watching the show.

Ill Met By Moonlight (5k)

An Elisa & Xanatos friendship? Weird, but it works. An Elisa & Owen friendship? ...Not really going to happen.

One of the things I really like about this show is that it has all these different layers of relationships. Xanatos can be deeply in love with both Fox and Owen, but that doesn’t mean that Fox and Owen are going to feel that way about each other. They get along and definitely grow closer over the years, especially with all three of them being Alex’s parents, but they’re different kinds of people who live different lives and who both happen to have fallen in love with the same man.

Similarly, Elisa and Xanatos becoming best friends doesn’t mean that Owen and Elisa will ever be close. You don’t have to like all your friends’ friends - being an adult means recognizing and knowing how to navigate those complexities.

So here we have Elisa waking up tied to her least favorite person in the world, a sentiment that Owen has no interest in refuting. But they can still work together, and Elisa can still feel and express concern for Owen when she realizes he’s not quite as put together as he always appears.

(Also really great action writing. M is fantastic at that.)

Gentles, Do Not Reprehend (1.2k)

Along with Elisa, M has really made Alex her own. She’s working on a 30k plus Alex-centric story that I am super excited about, and this is an initial window into some of how that will look. I lovelove the unusual and wonderful Xanatos Family structure, and M does such a great job of building it out in funny, emotional, believable ways.

[islamicrays]

ٱلسَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ‎ I'm sorry to ask something while it's Eid celebrations. I've been in a relationship and have become vulnerable. I have broken up but sometimes we still talk. I am scared. I don't know how to stop. I have even spoken haram with some people online. I am very guilty and scared. I feel like my istigfar is fake. I want to erase the past but I know I can't. People think good of me, but I've been bad online. How should I stop?I have betrayed my future spouse! How to purify? Sorry

Walaikum Assalaam,

Cut off your contact with him. If you can't get married then stay away from each other. Distract yourself and work on your relationship with Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Do productive things that will help you in the hereafter as well. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has already written our spouse name. It’s just matter of time. So don’t compromise your values and lead a life pleasing to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Abstain from haram relationships. If something is meant for you then you will eventually get in halal way in shaa Allah. We are not perfect and we may make mistakes so rectify it and try your best to abstain from haram.

First we need to attach ourselves to Allah then we can easily detach from others. We need to balance the love of Creator and the Creation. Keep the love of the creation in your hand and the love of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala in your heart that’s difficult to do but with time you will learn. For this we need to make dua and love for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala

“Call on your Lord when your heart is brittle, that is a time when it’s in pieces and the Light of Allah can fill the gaps. That is why Allāh is with the broken hearted.”

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

“The fastest way to heal a broken heart is to find someone better to love, and love more. Know that sometimes heartbreak happens just to push you to Allah.”

-Yasmin Mogahed

Fix your prayers and ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala for the help. Always remember that Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala plans are better than our wishes. Make lots of dua and while asking Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala always say “if it’s good for me” because we don’t know what’s good for us only Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

Advice from Hadia Alia on moving from a ex boyfriend

“Moving on from an ex-boyfriend can sometimes be very complex. Every situation is uniqe and will require different actions. Here are a few tips to get over him:

Cry. It is ok to cry if you want as it feels better when you let all the emotions out instead of keeping them bottled up inside you forever.Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes you just need someone to listen rather than offer advice. Even you cannot understand why it happened, talking about it can help you accept that the relationship is over.Get the help you need. A breakup can have serious negative effects on your mental and physical well-being, especially if you find that you are still dwelling on it months later. Breakups have been associated with weakened immune systems and an increased risk of illness. People who have not gotten over a breakup within 16 weeks can even experience physical changes in their brains that reduce their motivation, concentration, and emotions. A therapist can help by listening to you, encouraging you to confront your feelings, and teaching you new ways to do with your pain.Remind yourself to let go. There are variety of behavioral techniques you can try to stop thinking about your ex. All of these techniques rely on your ability to recognize when a thought about your ex enters your mind and to take a specific action to stop that thought from coming back. Remember that these techniques are to be used for obsessive thoughts only! If you have not yet dealt with your feelings and taken the time to grieve, you should not try to suppress your thoughts.

– You can try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it each time you think about your ex.

– You can write down the thoughts you are having about your ex on a piece of paper and then throw it away.

– You can try a visualization exercise, which requires you to visualize a specific scene whenever a thought of your ex occurs to you. For example, you could think of a stop sign in order to remind yourself that you need to stop what you are doing. If you do this consistently, the association should become automatic.

Focus on taking care of yourself. In order to boost your mood, it’s important to practice healthy habits. Make sure you exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep. Committing yourself to a healthy lifestyle will not only make you feel good, but it may just offer you the escape you need from thoughts about your ex

– Start praying five times. It will help you to regain your positivity and let go of the stress associated with your breakup.

Remember, you are strong and can get over him if you really want to.”

Always remember this:

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by the decree of Allah. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

-Umar ibn al Khattab (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu)

On healing broken hearts:

If you are trying to get over a person you can’t be with, treat it like an addiction:

1. Cut yourself off from the drug completely: Cut off all communication and reminders–even if that means blocking numbers, emails, a Facebook profile, and stop checking their Facebook! This is your detox.

2. Replace it with something better: Increase in your thikr (remembrance of Allah) and get closer to Allah. If you aren’t praying your daily prayers, fix that. Pray all and pray on time. Pray qiyam in the last third of the night (just before fajr). Make duaa, tawbah (repentance), cry, plead to Allah. This is your treatment.

(Yasmin Mogahed)

Unlawlful love before marriage…

Ibn al Qayyim al Jawziyyah (rahimahullah) mentions in regards to unlawful love before marriage (i.e. haram sexual relations, or love for someone who you are unable to marry).

“And the cure for this deadly illness (i.e. unlawful love before marriage) is for the person that is afflicted to realise that this love is only due to his/her own delusions and ignorance.

So upon such a person is to first and foremost strengthen their Tawheed and reliance upon Allah, and secondly to increase in worship and busy themselves with it, so much so that they do not have any spare time letting their minds wander and think about their beloved.

And they should call upon Allah to protect them and save them from this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called upon Allah and he was saved. And they should do as he did, be as he was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity) and remembering Allah in abundance.

This is because if the heart is filled with ikhlaas for the sake of Allah, there will be no space left for any unlawful love to be present, rather this only happens to a heart that is empty and has no ikhlaas whatsoever.

And let such people remind themselves that whatever Allah has decreed for them is only in their own best interests, and when Allah commands something it is never to cause harm or misery to His slaves.

And let them also remind themselves that their unlawful love does not benefit them, neither in this world or the hereafter! As for this world then they will be so preoccupied with their love that it will cripple them and will cause them to live in a fantasy world. And as for the hereafter then it will cause them to be preoccupied with the love of the creation instead of love for the Creator!

These people need to be reminded, that the one who is submerged in something will never see it’s ill effects, neither will the person who has never experienced such things. The only people who will be able to relate to them are those who have experienced the same thing but have been saved. Such people can look back and realise how evil it is.”

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us all to the straight path. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Allahumma Ameen

[calamitysshatteredson]

Hello! So, I know you don't really write things from Lazard's perspective on this blog, but I think Scientist by Coldplay in a way describes some of Lazard's feels towards a certain silver-haired enigma.

[Not a lot of Lazard POV around here, Anon, but I will take advantage of this ask to write a drabble for a certain someone who has written Lazard in the past.  And to all of us on the Seph/Lazard yacht.  HAP VAL, GF.

Also, for everyone’s listening pleasure.]

He had his reasons.  Good reasons; important on a personal level and beyond, though his focus had been on his own.  “Revenge” was such a… sour word.  Even if it was also sharp comfort; spurring him on, keeping him awake and aware and careful and alive.  Years.  Years, moving toward this resolution.

It was easiest to focus on his own reasons for making decisions.  For making things happen, and letting things happen and rolling with them; though he’d been prepared to accept some level of unforeseen consequences.

A truly personal involvement hadn’t been possible to prepare for.  They needed Sephiroth, the SOLDIER was absolutely vital to their plan, and he’d been given materials to read which so easily reduced the man to the scientific sum of his parts.  The problem was so ridiculous, so abysmally simple–

Sephiroth was still a man.

Not a science experiment, not a successful project; a man with quirks.  Worries, concerns; honest empathy.  Friends, if few, and desires.  Smiles.  There were tighter ones, which fooled the vast majority of people (himself included, for some time), but seeing the honest one… the soft, slight smile that for just a moment made Lazard forget what the First was to him.

What, not who.  A means to an end.  A tool.  Like how Shinra saw him, utilized him.  That should have been the whole of his focus, continuing that.  And it was.  Initially.

Lazard hadn’t expected those smiles to be addictive.  Infectious.  He really didn’t expect Sephiroth to have a sense of humor, let alone one that he could appreciate.  He never could have anticipated communication in a glance, or a giddy thrill every time the door to his office was closed, blinds drawn, and it was only the two of them for a time.

He’d been–  Infiltrating.  Ingratiating himself, gathering information and secrets for later use.  Not getting close.  Certainly not getting too close.  Not developing a fondness for, a l–

No.  No.  Except.  Didn’t knowing that he was absolutely not falling for someone mean that he was already too close?  That he should rethink this matter?

The end was too important to completely change the means that they had agreed to.  He knew that.  And yet, when the time was growing nearer, why was it that he felt so very torn?

Sephiroth was just a successful experiment.  A custom-designed living weapon.  For use.  And he knew… Sephiroth was bothered by those thoughts.  Did not want to be that.  Did not wish to live only to be a killing machine.  And maybe, maybe with enough time, he could have convinced.  Spoken, communicated.  But with the goal so near and so much that could go wrong–

Brutal.  He had to be vicious in the face of the beautiful, actually quite gentle man he’d shared a bed with many times.  Which was not to say that it was always gentle, of course…

And the way he smiled at that thought, at the memory, cemented how very off the path he’d traveled.  Remember your revenge, Lazard.

He remembered.  He could not forget.

It shredded him.  But Genesis had told him it would be fine, he’d take care of it.  They’d been friends for so long, even despite the betrayal, the perceived uncertainty, he knew it would work out.

Lazard… wanted to believe that.

He’d disappeared.  Left.  Abandoned Sephiroth, the company.  Means to an end.

Except that he’d heard how very distant the SOLDIER had become after.  Keeping tabs was a mistake, certainly.  Genesis continued to assure him, but–

The night before the mission which would bring Sephiroth to Nibelheim, for the plan to see fulfillment, Lazard did something he never in his life would have been able to predict of himself: he took a risky, stupid chance without being able to plan for every eventuality.  Security cameras were disabled, guards responding to rather mysterious texted instructions to investigate something on the other side of the Shinra complex.  So simple, so easy to pull strings he still had wrapped around a tight fist; but it was far more difficult to use said fist to knock on that apartment door, uncertain of what he’d find.

Familiar.  Familiarity in a landscape that was not, could no longer be, the same.  His knock, and he wasn’t sure if he actually heard footsteps or if he was hoping so much to hear them that he–

The door to Sephiroth’s apartment opened with abruptness, narrowed green eyes glowing in the dark.  He stared for a long moment, trying to keep his expression stiff.  Unreadable.  But his eyes cycled through emotions.  Betrayal was there.  Disbelief.  But… also, maybe…  “You left.”

Lazard swallowed at the accusation.  “I did.”  Silence passed between them; not the easy silenced they’d once known, and there was no affection in the subtly alien eyes gazing back.  He’d failed already.  Failed before he’d even begun, on a whim, but–  “I want you to come with me.”

There was no hiding his surprise, Sephiroth’s eyes widening as he took in every detail of the man before him.  Too much to hope for.  “You want another traitor?”

The blond felt an ache in his chest, wondering very much whether it felt like being speared on the end of the general’s sword.  “Yes.  And no.  I want you.  And I want to… explain all of this.”

Sephiroth stared.  Long and hard, for a good while.  “I’m not leaving Zack alone.”

The breath caught in Lazard’s throat.  That wasn’t a deal breaker, per se, however… “You trust him?”

That word… that was a difficult word to know the meaning of.  He’d trusted a great many people, including the one standing in front of him; and he couldn’t say for certain that was still the case.  Still, he answered with little hesitation, “Yes.”

Sighing a little, some of it truly in fondness, he really didn’t know how much that would unsettle plans.  It would unsettle his colleagues, for certain, but that… all of that would be secondary.  Maybe unnecessary, depending on the reaction to what he had to confess, explain.  “Then you won’t have to.”

Another long look, subtle disquiet present in Sephiroth’s gaze… but he turned to retrieve his boots.  There was very little in terms of personal effects that he would miss, and they could all fit in his pockets.  “Better go collect him before he shows up for work, then.”

[toosicktoocare]

Lol, whoops don't have a title

(Yo, what up people! I have a very big obsession with Spiderman and I gotta soothe that obsession through fanfic. So enjoy. If, for whatever reason you people want more of these then put it in the comment thingy at the bottom. Hope yah enjoy!)

Tony Stark was prepared for a lot of things.

He was prepared for the alien race who’s name had so many vowels in it, it looked like someone had dropped the scrabble letters.

He was prepared for Steve’s infamous tantrums because yes, Captain America did pout and as funny as it was to watch, Tony had plenty of expensive but easily broken equipment just within arms reach.

Tony was prepared if his suit malfunctioned. If his backup suit malfunctioned. Even if his backup backup suits malfunctioned.

Tony was everything but prepared for Peter Parker.

The kid, he just wormed his way into Tony’s life, his bubbly bursting personality completely picking away at the wall Tony had spent so much time putting up. God damnit, that shit took time.

And Peter was loud. Tony was willing to bet Peter would talk to himself in the mirror if no one else was listening. But he also adored Tony. Clung onto every word that Tony said and filed it away for later.

Peter was also excited about everything. Once Tony caught Peter’s drink before it fell and the kid all but did a backflip.

So when Peter sluggishly dragged his feet against Tony’s fancy new carpet and walked straight into a glass window, Tony knew something was up.

And when Peter refused to come down for dinner and to instead catch an early night, Tony felt an unfamiliar pang of worry in his chest.

Tony had long forgotten what an “early” night was. He spent far too long in his lab concentrating on some very important gadget to look out out the window and see the rising sun.

“Sir,” FRIDAY interrupted and totally did not scare Tony what are you talking about, “Would you like a nightly check on Mister Parker?” FRIDAY asked.

Tony frowned, fingers itching to pick his technology backup but nodded nonetheless.

“Mister Parker has a fever of 33 degrees and seems to be suffering quite a high level of distress in his sleep.”

A large wave of complex worry surged through Tony and he was halfway out the room without even remembering to deactivate FRIDAY.

Tony was quick into Peter’s room, not even bothering to knock as loud cries were forcing their way through the door.

Peter was thrashing around in his bed, fighting against his covers as he screamed loudly. His lamp was on the floor and some of the bedside crap the kid had brought over was also over the floor. Peter gave another high shriek and his hand whipped out and smashed against the corner of the bedside table with a harsh whack.

“Peter! Kid, wake up!” Tony sat on the bed, hesitant to shake Peter awake as he seemed in so much distress. But listening to his crying was even harder.

“Peter!” Tony shook Peter’s shoulder’s and his eyes instantly snapped open at the contact, a harsh sob leaving his mouth.

Before Tony could properly calm Peter down, or even process what was going on, Peter’s eyes widened and he shot up like a rocket and pushed Tony out the way before heaving over the edge of the bed.

His shoulders jumped forward and with a loud splat, Peter lost his dinner. With another violent hitch of his shoulders, another copious amount of sick poured from Peter’s mouth.

Tony was not prepared for this. Aliens, death, pouty superheroes, Tony was prepared. This was more out of his world than any form of a comfort zone.

But Tony could hear the soft sobs between heaves and a harsh tug on his heartstrings made his hand reach out and rub up and down Peter’s back in what he hoped was a soothing motion.

“You’re okay.” He muttered, feeling an alarming heat through Peter’s top. Keeping one hand on Peter’s back, his other snaked around and cupped Peter’s forehead. It was absolutely burning.

“Oh, kid.” Tony sighed, wincing sympathetically as Peter now seemed to have exported everything he’d ate, possibly in his lifetime and was now painfully dry heaving instead.

“-Sorry-” Peter gasped any chance he could draw breath. “God- ‘m so- sorry.”

Finally, the heaving seemed to taper off, but any of Peter’s energy had completely left and he slumped forward, exhausted.

“Okay, easy, easy.” Tony soothed, pulling Peter back until he rested against his chest. Tony began brushing Peter’s sweaty hair back. He didn’t know why he did it but it seemed to soothe Peter even slightly.

“I’m so sorry.” Peter wept, his voice raw with emotion. It sounded painful.

“Shh, don’t even start, kid.” Tony hushed him but Peter shook his head, adamant.

“Bein’ such- a bother.”

“No,” Tony said firmly. “Never. I don’t want you to ever say that again.”

Another sob hitched in Peter’s chest and Tony’s heart hurt so bad he ended up pulling the kid up and hugged him against his chest.

“You’re okay. I’m gonna make sure you’ll be just fine.” Tony reassured once again. Hot tears soaked into shirt and Tony resumed rubbing Peter’s back.

He felt Peter’s fingers grip the back of his shirt in response and Tony knew there was no way he was gonna finish his tech tonight. It could wait.

[sepialunaris]

And I feel that Froot and Love+Fear are exploring more of the themes of self-love and acceptance despite problems still being around, acknowledging its presence while still telling them to live their life to the fullest.

The main message I noticed from Froot is flamboyance and freedom. Marina wrote the songs for this album by her own accord unlike her previous albums, and it used fruits as a motifm Marina wantes to express herself as multi layered person through Froot ("you can paint me any color and I can be your clown, but you won't get my number, yeah you can't pin me down" + the flamboyant imagery of Froot). She puts various kinds of messages in this album, self-love (Forget, Happy, Gold), romantic love (Blue, Weeds), and the human nature (Savages, Immortal). She didn't limit herself to an aesthetic, she is putting different aspects of herself out and saying that "yes I'm an artist but I'm also a multi-layered person and I'm not afraid to show that." And so she's telling us to not be afraid to speak up and express ourselves instead of submitting to what the society demands.

Marina wanted to help us to grow and take care of ourselves more by self-acceptance and a willingness to express who we are or what we truly need/want for happiness instead of festering in self pity and isolation. "To be happy, maybe I need a little company" and to "believe in divinity" or "possibility". Forget is a highlight, "i made mistakes but i believe that everything was worth the fight. Cause in the end the road is long, but only cause it makes you strong. Its filled with tweaks, and twists and turns sometimes you have to learn to forget about it".

I analyzed Love+Fear for a school assignment (particularly Orange Trees, seriously if you look into it its quite deep. I still have the essay) and I found out that Marina planned to quit music after Froot, but rediscovered her passion. And now she's making music out of the pure joy of it. The album uses the nature motif a lot and it is significant, nature is the symbol of familiarity and peace. Marina is presenting herself in a much more personal level in L+F, similar to Froot. She doesn't present a duality of emotion, but a mingling between them. It is realistic but confusing that love and fear often intermingle with each other, emotions such as jealousy can be defined differently in different perspectives. L+F is a very emotion based album and its complex while seeming like shallow. And through I feel like Marina wants to teach us that:

Love is not limited to romantic love, self love is also important ("Was busy chasing happiness when all I needed was a little peace.) and community love (We're united by our love, we're united by our pain)

Overemphasis on romantic love can be damaging ("I'll give you all, I don't care if it hurts, cause I love you till the end of the earth", "So impossible to dream when you're far away from me")

Fear isn't fully bad, it can connect people and strengthen them to combat it ("I know so many boys and girls, people all across the world, we walk and talk and think alike, we all cry the same tears at night" + Karma)

Fear and Love can manifest the same emotion. Overemphasis on both can be bad so balance is important. "I want belong, with the birds and the trees" from Handmade Heaven (Love), which portrays loneliness stemming longing of happiness, "Seems like everybody's having the best time of their lives, but we don't know what's going on at any given time" from Life is Strange (Fear), again portraying loneliness but now stemming from fear of being left out.

So, I feel like Froot revolves on the theme of self-acceptance and self-expression, while L+F revolves on the necessity to balance emotions and not be overtaken by them, as well as the importance of self-love and community love, even if they are produced by fear.

marina made music to comfort teenagers that felt that they were raised to focus on work and achievement and success but were ultimately very, very lonely. The family jewels was made for kids that felt they were too stiff and closed off to be loved. “A control freak driven by a greed to succeed” and “I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine” and “could never tell you what happened the day I turned 17” the ENTIRETY of obsessions, the desperate pleading of “I’m vulnerable, I’m vulnerable.” Marina comforted those who felt unlovable and overwhelmed with their youth, who felt like their whole life depended on their teenage years but simultaneously believed they were wasting them, and who feared their whole life would be missing out on opportunities.

[dachi-chan25]

So I clearly played myself *sigh* some of this books weren't what I expected and I still need to read a shit ton of sequels to series i fricken loved.

1.-Marked (House of Night #1) by PC Cast /Kirstin White

🌟🌟

So clearly I knew this book was gonna be silly and stuff, like it got me cringing so hard at all those 'not like the other girls' super speshul girl and it has low key a lot of cultural appropiation, so yeah, still was a really quick read and what the heck I'll try the next one to see if it gets better than this. I mean there has to be a reason why someone wants to turn this into a tv series right??

2.-Día de Muertos: Antología del cuento mexicano de V.A

🌟🌟🌟

Realmente siento que es una antología muy inconexa, el título y la portada indican claramente una relación directa entre los relatos y el día de Muertos, sin embargo el espíritu de la festividad solo es capturado en un puñado de historias que es lo que me hizo dar tres estrellas al libro, porque aunque el resto de los cuentos no son malos siento que entraron a la antología con calzador pues no tenían nada que ver con día de muertos .

3.- Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman

🌟🌟🌟

Ok, I did not disliked it, the book manages to be very atmospheric and really create some plausibility among all the whimsy but the characters were never really developed much?? And some were tragically underused (the Aunts) I just think the movie made the story/characters much better.

4.- Society of Wishes (Quartet of Wishes #1) by Elise Kova

🌟🌟

I had totally forgot I owned this book (I bought it cuz I knew the MC was a latina girl and yah) and well it is what it is, just a mess filled with hunky ass time wizards or some shit like that with barely any plot, development or much of anything really, definitely not reading the next ones.

5.-Hemlock Grove by Brian McGreevy

🌟🌟

I am heart broken, I wanted to like this book so badly, but it was all over the place imho, the narrative style was plain out confusing at times (like it threw me back to that time when I was a pretentious ass 15 yo trying to read Ulysses by James Joyce) and don't get me wrong I like writers who spice things up with the flow of their sentences like Chuck Palahniuk but I just couldn't get into it, I feel the series managed to tell this story in a much more organized and in depth fashion.

6.- Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy #1) by Richelle Mead

🌟🌟🌟

I expected nothing of this, and I actually kinda enjoyed it because I think the book it's true to itself, it sets a tone from the beginning and doesn't deviate from it . Is it predictable? As fuck Is it full of every single trope under the sun? YUP, but it never pretends otherwise and it's fine (also I am a thot for vampires so idc) I will continue this series.

7.-Battle Royale by Koshun Takami

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

I LOVED it, I had watched the movie, but oh boy it doesn't build the characters the way the book does. It's brutal, dynamic full of optimism even in such a hopless horrific situation. The only thing that kinda had me in stiches was the fact that nearly every damn female character wanted to get it on with Shuuya.

8.- Tale of the Body Thief (Vampire Chronicles #4) by Anne Rice

🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is my frist re-read of this book and damn, Lestat is truly a himbo, he just makes the most idiotic desisions and then is upset because they come to bite him in the ass but he is also kinda charming so what the hell?? David, poor summer child he really thought Lestat would respect his desision 😂😂 this is a real fun book (I mean the whole ass discussion about Faust is as fake deep as u can get) and it really drives home how much of a hot mess is Lestat. (Also Louis u bitch!!! How dare u betray him it's not like u had tried to kill him before multiple times xD honestly Lestat's logic)

9.-The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

I adored this, the atmosphere Neil created in this book is absolutely beautiful, every detail and character Bod meets in the cementary adds so much to a rather simple story, the world building, the sense of magical realism it's just something I always appreciate in Neil's books, this really has become one of my faves and I will try and re-read this very soon.

10.-Dracul by Dacre Srocker

🌟🌟🌟🌟

I was on the fence about this one, like Dracula is one of my all time favorite books, and when I found out his great grand nephew was writing a precuel of Bram's most famous work I felt it was an easy money-grab scheme but then I heard a lot of positive reviews and people started talking how this book gives a back story to one of Dracula's brides and that it was based on some notes Bram left behind I decided to try it, and I don't regret it. I mean it wasn't what I expected, the book is more historical fiction and Dacre tries perharps a little too hard to emulate Bram's writing style/structure but the plot really managed to trap me and it was quite an intresting story.

11.-Bone Music by Christopher Rice

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is the frist book I read from him (like even tho I like her books a lot i don't fucks with Anne Rice cuz she is awful to anyone who critisizes her books or tries to write fanfic of em so yeah I wasn't so keen in reading her son's work) but it was a very pleasant surprise, those twist he makes at the very beginning of the book left me gaping like a fish, I was emotionally involved with the characters and I definitely look forward to read more books on the Burning Girl series.

12.- Final Girls - Riley Sager

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Slashers are some of my favorite things in the world, and this book gets a lot of the tropes/atmosphere right and still, manages to be original and deconstruct them, turn the reader on his expectations and deliver a great ending, will definitely continue with the series.

13- Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Joe Goldberg is a punk ass bitch and I hope the ending stays as it was, like how lucky is this bastard, and at one point I was like, no way are all this people around him so dumb likeeeeeee he is such an unreliable narrator that idk if the things he say are really happening or all is part of his self important delusional mind, I really liked this sequel even if Joe barely struggled until the end (he was living the Life u guys) it was a fun read.

14- The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie

🌟🌟🌟🌟

This is Hercule Poirot's frist book, and he is so different from the books I have read, but still brilliant and with his quirks, it really captured me, I always enjoy a good murder mystery and Agatha Christie always delivers.

15.- The Girl who Loved Tom Gordon by Stephen King

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

King is back in my good graces, this book is terrifying it really takes u along Trisha's emotional journey, all the desperation, the defeat,the hope, really is such a complex beautiful emotional ride of this amazingly brave little girl, and damn Stephen u can write female character's well y u wrote that mess in Bag of Bones like whyyy dude? ?? I simply loved this one, made me cry so much.

16.-#Murdertrending by Gretchen McNeil

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

This was such a fun dynamic read, I finished it in one sitting. The whole concept of Alcatraz 2.0 was pretty darn great, the painiacs, ahhh so good, I wished the rest of the characters apart from Dee were more developed but I know it would have given the plot twist away if they had so it's fine, I am really looking forward to reading Murderfunding.

That was it, my reads were either meh or omgggg I loved it!!! I hope this months my reads are all good.

[bellamygateoldblog]

In a way, finn was also the one that got away. But moreso the idea of him, rather than who he actually was. She lost him very early on and by the end she could no longer recognise him at all. They started off well, hit a peak, a bump, they declined, and they plummeted. And it happened really quickly. They were essentially at rock bottom by the end of that road. But she very much still cared for him; his death shook her, and was a turning point for her whole character. She could look back on this moment as the moment she was pushed to grow into the new world, take up more space, be more ruthless. It was a wake up call of sorts. On the other hand her relationship with Lexa is romanticized, idealised, because they never actually left that honeymoon phase. It's stuck in time forever. So I think it absolutely makes sense for Clarke to mourn Lexa in a way she could never mourn Finn. They exist differently in her memories and have different emotions associated with them. How much of those Lexa mentions are pandering to fandom, I don't know, but I do know the sheer amount of times she was brought up after her death confused me a lot as a casual viewer.

I thought of a couple more things that could point to Finn being Clarke's first love, or at least a love. She banishes her hallucinations with the power of "love is weakness" (dumb, yes, but the inference there is that she did, in fact, love him.) She cries over his dying body in one scene telling him "she can't do this without [him]" even after his betrayal on her character. That, to me, doesn't seem like her throwing him aside like a wet sock. I think you could argue that her readiness to drop him just means she isn't that girl that's gonna pursue a man whose already taken, just as you said! It doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want him anymore. The point you made: about her realising he isn't who she thought she was falling in love with, is exactly how I interpreted that whole situation with Raven confronting her about it ("i barely know him"). Even typing this out it's clear all of these situations are dependent on how you personally interpret them and the characters involved. Can I include an example I just argued with myself about? It cracked me up hahaha. Remember when Clarke gazed over at Finn (+Raven) after Bellamy tells her he wouldn't know what to wish for upon a shooting star? At first (and all the way up until right now) I interpreted that as longing. That she would wish for him to belong to her rather than Raven. But I just did a complete 180 spin and i think that it's just as valid to see that scene as her feeling regretful of her night with him, and she would wish to take it all back. I just confused myself :)

I think Finn and Lexa both are equally important in Clarke's story, but just exist in different times, and belong to different versions of herself. She experienced 2 very life-shattering events with their deaths, one where she couldn't save her and one where she had to kill him, and i can imagine the impact that might have on a young girl with an already existing saviour complex from not being able to save her father. She had 2 more heartbreak-y moments from Lexa's betrayal and Finn's massacre. Bottom line: they both had hands in shaping Clarke into who she is and are linked to very big events in her story. It would make sense to me that they might both get equally revisited in her memories. I think the difference between them is exactly as was said, Clarke associates romance with Lexa, and tragedy with Finn. It's his death that she was forced to deliver that ultimately left the biggest scar, not his love, and not anything he did before. He's important, not because of their fleeting relationship, but because of how it ended.

People often talk about how bad s1 is, but there were very complex dynamics in this season (that were carried into s2) that are fun to pick apart!! (I loved s1 in all it's corny glory lol)

look a part of me will always, always love Clexa 

but realistically

(I’m about to get Clexa critical, if you couldn’t tell. scroll on if you don’t wanna read negative realities about that ship.)

the narrative should reference Finn just as much as Lexa. and the reason it doesn’t has nothing to do with the story they’re telling, and everything to do with the cultural impact each relationship had. Finn and Lexa are really not that different, though, not in terms of how each relationships plays out.

they both betrayed her at different points. they were both her lovers. each relationship ends within a day of its physical consummation. she watched both of them die from wounds to the chest. red blood or black blood, both were on Clarke’s hands when they each took their final breath. she kills Finn directly, and her love is not enough to protect him. she kills Lexa indirectly, and it’s her love that incites the shot meant for Clarke.

she kind of goes through the exact same thing twice, but with different genders.

but only one relationship is vilified to the point of being more or less nonexistent in fandom (I literally had no idea Flarke was a thing before watching this show, Finn was persona non grata in fandom at that time)

and only one relationship has been elevated to the point of legend, been referenced several times within canon, several seasons after the character left the show, and become so iconic that it’s more or less the first thing a lot of people familiar with fandom think of when they hear or see “The 100″

the difference is what Clexa meant to the LGBT community, specifically wlws. and as a wlw, I understand that difference. it’s why some part of me will always be a sucker for them. but I’m disappointed in that difference, too.

Clarke is bisexual. Finn was her first love. there are enough similarities between those relationships and story arcs that Finn should be represented on the same level as Lexa. or even somewhere in that ballpark!

but up until Clarke’s mindscape episode in s6, she never mentions or even appears to remember that she cared for Finn. 

in 3x11, when ALIE!Raven is poking at Clarke’s weak spots, the mention of both her lifelong best friend, Wells, and Finn, her first love who she literally killed, barely earns more than a tight, angry smirk from Clarke. it’s only when ALIE!Raven brings up Clarke being responsible for Lexa’s death, too, that Clarke finally snaps, so much so that she gives up crucial information about their plans.

obviously the Lexa thing is a bit fresher than either Wells or Finn at that point, but not so much so that the difference would be so extreme. both Finn and Wells have been dead for less than six months, at this moment in the timeline. 

that said, I do believe, based on interviews and comments made at cons and such, that Eliza Taylor was playing the role of a person who lost her “one true love” type of soulmate just moments after finding her. 

that allows me to excuse some of the endless references in later seasons, but not all. not when there’s such a dearth of references to Finn.

@osleyakomwonkru brought up a good point, recently, about how Clexa was really more about the tragedy of the potential of something epic being cut off, but that Clarke and Lexa didn’t really get the chance to actually become the epic thing that fandom made them out to be. 

I don’t think anything underlines this attitude more than the dichotomy of fandom reaction to Flarke versus fandom reaction to Clexa. they’re essentially the same story with slightly skewed players and events.