#I genuinely had a great time tonight and am feeling fine

[asinglesock]

I just got out of seeing a community theater musical and hugged some people I haven't seen for a while and heard kind words from a former professor of mine so I'm still kind of having an emotional rush from all that and it's making my brain go fast for the first time in a while

so

(cw vague description of irl murder & child death, religious trauma, apocalypse anxiety, martyrdom complex, dubious late-night exegesis)

I'm realizing that the pastor of the church my family attends is obsessed with eschatology in a way that's even more than the standard Oneness Pentecostal stance (itself really obsessed with eschatology). Wednesday night I overheard him talking before church and I realized that 1) he has been watching conspiracy theorists on Youtube and 2) some of this fixation really started to surface after his daughter and two grandchildren were mysteriously found dead 11 years ago.

(I also realized recently that my Sunday school teacher and her kids moving out of state and being murdered when I was 13 might not have been great for my emotional health. I need to revisit this.)

But after we found out it was like the only way we could cope was to be even more fervent than before. He invited an evangelist (who everyone addressed as "prophet") to preach a series of revival services. I remember that Prophet M was always talking about money. After a week of services, he gave each of the musicians $20. I'd just started doing church music (again, I was 13) and I couldn't believe he'd just give away that much money. But that week was the first time that a preacher calling for people to give sacrificially made me more doubtful instead of more enthusiastic. I started to hear the salesman tone in his voice. He took a lot more money away with him.

Tangent: I've been interested lately in how Paul talks about money. People are always quoting 2 Cor on how God loves a cheerful giver as a prooftext on the importance of giving money to the church, but it affects how I understand the tone of that when I think about the historical context. Paul is encouraging the Corinthians to give money toward the collection, but in 1 Corinthians he's very defensive of himself, saying that he never took money from them (see 1 Cor 9:15). This saying is part of the persuasive rhetoric Paul is using precisely because his Corinthian audience is not guaranteed to be made up of cheerful givers. I don't necessarily think Paul was exploitative irt money but it does change the feeling for me.

But I was talking about eschatology. Pastor usually talks about the End Times as a terrible and frightening thing. I used to find the End Times terrifying myself (I watched Left Behind when I was like 6 :/). But as I got older and started unpacking it, I realized that scriptures on Jesus's return and the resurrection at the last day and the New Jerusalem are full of hope. Even though there is definitely eschatological terror in the New Testament, a lot of it is pointed toward empire and oppressors. I couldn't understand why preaching at our church was always so frightened when preachers talked about the possibility of martyrdom--weren't we supposed to accept it because we had hope?

Then post-advent of covid Pastor's preaching has only gotten more and more paranoid. It built on what it always was--if mask mandates weren't the Mark of the Beast, they were preparation to make people compliant; restrictions on public gatherings were Satan warring against the saints; and every earthquake was a sign of the end of the world. The response to any natural disaster or war in other parts of the world was a kind of closing off, saying that this world will pass away but we're not of this world. We shouldn't care too much about the things of this world--but the "things of this world" even counted people's lives!

In retrospect, it's clearer now that Pastor saw his daughter and grandchildren's deaths as martyrdoms. There was speculation that his daughter was responsible because of post-partum depression (obviously it can do weird stuff like that and we wouldn't blame her if that were the case), but Pastor always believed that there was some evil reason--some cult or demonic influence or something like that. And in that light it makes sense why he'd anticipate the End Times as something grim and terrifying.

He's already experiencing the suffering of the End Times. There are cults of ritual murderers out running amok. Government officials conceal the truth. Why should he trust them? Pastor has a high school education and low technology literacy--he's the target audience for a conspiracy.

I don't know how this information is helpful, but it feels like unravelling a knot in my brain.

Anyway this is already long and rambly but I realized that their deaths affected how I dress. When I was 11-13 I wore really loud colors and tried to style my hair in complicated ways, with hair ornaments that were the only jewelry we were allowed to have. I was wearing a very bright blue dress with a very bright pink jacket the night the church learned about their deaths. It felt like I'd done something offensive, being there and wearing such bright clothes. I felt a sense of shame every time I wore either of those garments afterward--but I didn't realize it and I kept them for a long time. This developed my undestanding of modesty as not calling attention to self by dress. Since then I usually feel uncomfortable in loud colors or elaborate hairstyles--ironically, this made my personal style less obviously Pentecostal.

[exopelagic]

update I have been in SUCH a good mood today and I love talking to people <3

[talktonytome]

Buck’s nervously bouncing his leg on the barstool, hands a little sweaty, as he waits for Hen and Karen to show up. They had invited him to a gay western club, after he came out and he’s excited to finally be here. He’s craning his neck to see if he catches a glimpse of them, when a beast of a man walks up to him.

Wow, Buck knows he’s a big guy himself but this dude is even bigger than him. He’s got insanely broad shoulders, big arms, thick thighs and an ass that had to be sculpted by the gods-

Suddenly, the man is clearing his throat to get his attention. “Excuse me, but I think you took my chair,” he says matter-of-factly, like Buck should have known. And it’s maybe a little infuriating because who does this guy think he is?

“Oh I’m sorry, I must have missed your name on it,” Buck retorts, eyes narrowed at the stranger. The chair was open when he got there and really, it’s a little childish to be calling dibs.

Hot jerk holds his hands up placatingly, attempting to deescalate the situation. “Sorry, sorry”, he says genuinely enough. There’s something about his eyes that comforts Buck. “It’s just, I only ran out to take what I thought was a work call, and I was hoping my spot would still be free. It’s been a long week,” he sighs.

Buck can understand that. It’d been a long week of hectic calls for the 118 and he’s been looking forward to tonight. “Hey, uh, I get it. It’s been a week for me too,” he offers a rueful smile. “I’m meeting some friends so I’ll give you your chair back soon, don’t worry.” If he didn’t know any better, he could swear the man’s face falls a little.

As if by stroke of luck, the stool next to his opens up and hot guy immediately sits down. “It’s my fault really, I know this place is packed Friday nights. It’s worth it for the live bands, though,” he says. “I’m Tommy, by the way. Fighting the great chair war merits name privileges, right?” He winks.

Buck blushes, suddenly feeling a little breathless. “Oh definitely,” he manages not to stutter. “I’m Bu- um- Evan Buckley.” Wow he almost had it.

“Evan,” Tommy tries out and it sounds like the name was made to be uttered by him and him only. Buck gulps.

“Well, since we’re both here, how about I buy you a drink? I owe you that much for being rude earlier.”

Buck can’t help but smile. “Sure, why not?” He nods, “my friends aren’t here yet, anyway.”

“Great,” Tommy grins. “Craft beer okay? Or I can get you something else?”

“Beer’s fine, I’m not picky,” Buck shrugs.

“I am, at least when it comes to beer,” Tommy chuckles, signaling the bartender for two beers.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Buck teases. Why does this feel so easy?

“Hmm, I think there’s a lot about me that’ll surprise you,” Tommy smirks.

Buck may be inexperienced with the same sex, but he damn well knows how to flirt. He tilts his head a little, knows his eyes are twinkling. “Is that right?”

“Oh absolutely,” Tommy declares. He’s so confident in a way that radiates coolness. “For example, I’m a pretty great dancer.”

Buck thinks back to the times he’s tried to dance and winces. “I’m definitely not.”

“I could teach you,” Tommy says as Buck finishes his sentence.

“Really? Is that gonna be right after our beers?”

“I mean I don’t think we can drink and dance at the same time,” Tommy laughs, “at least not effectively.

“Yeah okay, teach me, Tommy.” Buck says dropping his voice, looking right into his eyes.

Tommy’s eyes grow wide and Buck immediately notices the blush on those gorgeous cheekbones. He preens a little because he did that.

“Ok,” Tommy swallows, holding out his hand. “Let’s do it.”

“What about our beers?”

“I’ll buy you another one.”

Buck laughs incredulously, but gives Tommy his hand and lets him lead them onto the dance floor. The band’s playing something sweet and slow, for lovers. Tommy uses the grip on his hand to pull them close together, until they’re chest to chest. He guides both of Buck’s arms around his neck and he circles Buck’s waist with those big hands, finally turning them into a gentle sway.

You got me out there, honey

We danced until I let go

Never been lost in a moment

But there's hours I can't recall

Buck looks down at his feet trying desperately not to mangle Tommy’s. He feels two fingers under his chin, as Tommy tilts his face up. “Eyes on me,” he says softly. “I got you.” Buck obeys and gets lost in Tommy’s eyes- gosh they’re so blue-as they sway and spin so smoothly he forgets about his feet altogether.

Maybe tonight

You'll let me run

Into your arms

And we'll conquer the heart

Tommy’s guiding them into another spin, when Buck can’t hold back from wanting to kiss him any longer. If Tommy’s eyes constantly flicking down to Buck’s lips are anything to go by, he’s on the same page. Buck tests the waters by leaning in, enough that Tommy’s breath ghosts across his lips.

You came in like a fire

Burned all I ever knew

I've been weighed and found wanting

And all that I want is you

Tommy gently grips his chin again, one big thumb slots right in the middle, and brings him in for the gentlest, most tender kiss Buck’s ever gotten. Tommy’s lips are warm and soft as they slide against his. It’s not long, by any means, but when they part, it leaves him breathless, all the same.

Tommy rests their foreheads together. “Was that okay?” He whispers, a little awestruck.

“More than,” Buck grins, playing with the hair on the nape of Tommy’s neck.

“Good,” Tommy replies, pressing a kiss to Buck’s bicep. “I do have a confession to make.”

Tommy tangles their hands and pulls Buck away from the dance floor. The song is over by now, so they make their way to the edge, where they can lean against a railing.

Bucks stomach drops. Did he get it wrong? Was Tommy not interested? Was he about to let him down gently?

“Hey, hey, look at me,” Tommy cuts into his spiraling. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”

“I’m a little embarrassed to say it now,” Tommy breathes, “but.. that wasn’t my chair.”

Buck finally lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Huh?”

“Erm, where you were sitting? It wasn’t actually my chair. I just… I saw the most beautiful man I’d ever seen all alone and I knew I had to talk to him,” Tommy rushes out. “Upon reflection, my approach could have been better,” he mutters.

Bucks laughs, but makes sure to squeeze Tommy’s hand in reassurance. “It was… not good,” he laughs again.

“Come on, hey!” Tommy exclaims in mock offense.

“But- you did it anyway. You came up to me all cocky and hot, not knowing the outcome, and it worked out so,” Buck shrugs.

“You think I’m hot?” Tommy smirks, playfully bumping his shoulder.

“Oh like you don’t know?”

“Did I mention you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen?” Tommy looks at him in a way that’s too fond for having just met.

“Maybe, but doesn’t hurt to hear again,” Buck grins. “Thanks for the dance, by the way,” he adds shyly. “It was pretty great.”

“I had the best partner,” Tommy says.

They look at each other for several beats.

“So, you wanna get out of here?” Tommy jerks his head toward the exit.

Buck doesn’t know if he’s ready for what that sentence entails, but he really likes Tommy.

Just like before, Tommy notices his apprehension; he’s so goddamn considerate like that, apparently. “Not like that,” he clarifies. “I’m having such a great time with you and I’m not ready for the night to end. I know this place with the best tacos,” he gives Buck his best puppy eyes.

Buck breathes a sigh of relief. He’s not ready to part ways either. “You had me at tacos! Lead the way.”

Tommy wraps an arm around his waist as they start walking toward the exit, when Buck remembers, “oh wait, my friends!”

“You sure they’re coming?” Tommy raises a doubtful eyebrow.

“I dunno, they said they would. Let me-“ Buck pulls out his phone and opens his messages. Sure enough there’s a couple from Hen.

Sorry buckaroo, Denny has a stomach bug and we’re pretty sure we all have it now :(

We’ll make it up to you, we swear!

Buck can’t feel too disappointed, when he got Tommy out of it. He texts back a quick ok feel better! and slides his phone back into his pocket, then reaches out to take Tommy’s hand again.

“Their kid has a bug and infected them so they are, in fact, not coming,” he explains.

“Kids and their germs,” Tommy laughs. “So you’re free to go?”

“Yes, I- I am free.”

- inspired by the chair (george strait) and conquer the heart (orville peck)

[mountkennedie]

Hair

Kili x human!reader

Summary: Kili learns something new about you and loves it

Warnings: nudity but no smut

"Y/N?" Kili called through the door. You had been getting ready for bed at the moment. Dressed in soft pajamas and ready for slumber. Your room had a great fire burning, and due to that, you stuck to just a night shirt this evening.

"Kili!" You were not expecting company tonight. You raced and put on the first pair of pants you saw. The shirt and pants combo you currently had going on was a fashion felony. You could only hope he wouldn't ask about it.

You walked over and opened the door. He stood looking up at you with a smile. "Hello," he spoke softly with a smile. You had joined him on the journey to reclaim this mountain. You've known him for over a year, and yet he still looks at you like it's the first time.

"Hello," you said in the same tone, "what are you doing here?" You smiled after your question, so he knew you weren't really upset.

He walked forward and placed his hands on your waist. His thumbs caressed your stomach as he spoke, "I can not visit the woman I love?"

You rolled your eyes at his comment. "Come inside. I'm not in the mood to be battered by lectures tomorrow about what 'is' and 'is not' proper."

"I will always gladly enter your chambers," he said in a smug tone.

"Kili," you laugh and pull him inside. He removed his outer layer and helped himself to sit on your bed. Once comfortable, he was able to get a better look at you. He looked you up and down, then cocked his head to the side.

"Interesting form of dress, Y/n... is it the new style?"

"Very funny. So what if it is? Not a fan?" You posed in your atrocious outfit as if it were fine fabric.

"Oh, of course," he said sarcastically. The fire roared on, and you had been sweating since he walked in. Kili stood and placed the sleeve on his shirt on your forehead and wiped some of the perspiring off. "Too warm? Are you feeling alright?" His eyes scanned all over your face for any other discomforts.

"No, it's just hot in here," you told him.

"Would you like me to put out your fire?" he began walking to the hearth, "it's no trouble."

"The fire is fine it's just -"

"Just me?" He smirked at his comment.

"No," you smiled, "I'm just warm."

"You can always remove a layer..." His smile grew, "I don't mind."

"See, that's why I won't. Someone refuses to control himself," You joked.

"What!," he spoke with mock offense. "Can't control himself?! I'll have you know, I have always been one of great control," He smiled brightly.

"You are ridiculous," you smiled and reached for the tie of your pants. You weren't sure why you were worried. Your shirt was long and came to your thighs. You pushed the worries away with the pants. You could tell he was resisting looking, to prove his claims of 'self control'.

"Feeling better?" He asked as you sat on the bed beside him. His eyes were boring into yours, and you found it hilarious. You wanted to test his patience, so you crossed your legs, letting one brush his.

"I am, yes," you spoke like this was nothing. "It's okay if you look, you know... I won't tell." You let your words trail off, and one could argue it was suggestively.

He gulped before letting his eyes climb down to your now bare legs. He cocked his head again, and his brows furrowed. "Oh..."

A wave of fear flooded you again. Suddenly insecure due to his reaction. "Oh?" You hoped that he would take the hint to elaborate as to why he had the reaction he did.

He noticed the unease in your voice and clarified, "Oh! I was just surprised. I wasn't aware that human women also grew hair on the bodies. I thought it was only dwarven women." He looked up at you with wide eyes, trying to convey how genuine he was trying to be.

"Is that a problem?" You wanted to sound strong, as if it didn't get to you.

"Oh no," He placed a hand on your bare knee, "It only makes you more attractive." He began placing warm kisses by your ear and worked down the neck.

You exhaled and laughed. "You scared me for a second! I thought you'd be disgusted! Also, I was right," you pulled him off, "No self-control."

His eyes looked foggy, like the idea of doing something else other than talking had taken over his mind. "Can you blame me, amrâlimê?" He leaned in and placed a heated kiss on your lips. You had always underestimated the strength of dwarves. So when he pulled you into his lap, like you weighed nothing at all, of course you gasped.

You felt him chuckle on your lips. You never thought that a new discovery of hair could turn him on so much. But now you know you never have to spend money on a razor ever again.

-------------------------------------------------------

[dazed--xx]

SKZ Reaction: He hurts the reader (Maknae Line)

A/N: ooofff two uploads in a couple days that shit crazy 😜 but yeah I hope you guys enjoy and there probably won’t be a part two I enjoy that they left the boys because of the behavior. But requests are open and hopefully I’ll release something else soon.

Masterlist. Hyung Line

Jisung:

“You don’t fucking get it Y/N!” Jisung exclaimed for the umpteenth time since you both had walked through the door. “What is there to get? All this could have been avoided if you would have just told me it was supposed to be boys night. I feel bad for ruining that for you guys especially since I wasn’t informed. You didn’t have to have an attitude all night you could have asked me to leave” you retort as you pull your heels off. “Do you really think I could have said Oh you’re not welcome to come? You would have lost your shit and gotten all clingy and annoying like you always fucking do and it’s ridiculous how much you cling to me!” His words spew like venom, you stare at him in utter shock. “Fine I’m sorry I imposed myself on your night with your friends. It won’t happen again can we please not do this right now Ji. It’s stupid we love each other and we shouldn’t be fighting over something that’s not even important” you plead grabbing at his wrist softly, placing your cheek on his shoulder. A habit you’ve become accustomed to since this was a great calming technique when it came to your boyfriend. Typically you’d both sit silently with your head on his shoulder as you both just caught your breath and actually communicated; which is why you were so surprised when you felt him shove you roughly off him. “Don’t fucking touch me seriously can you be any more annoying tonight?!” He growls.

Struggling to catch yourself, you hit your side on the corner of the counter a sharp gasp is released from your throat as your had instinctively caressed the area. “Ow!” You cry, you stare at him in shock “what the hell is wrong with you?” Hurt is laced in your angry tone. His eyes are wide with surprise and guilt. “My love I didn’t realize—I’m so sorry” he apologized profusely, his hand caressing the small of your back making you flinch. A whimper is released from his throat “Im seriously so sorry baby I don’t know why I—just don’t touch me please just leave me alone” you cut him off moving away from him slightly. You see the reality setting in on his face as tears form in his eyes. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry” he gasps out “please don’t make me leave I-I can fix this..” his pleas fall on deaf ears as you gesture him to leave. His hands wrap around your wrists and he holds them to his chest. “Jisung seriously, let me go and leave I don’t want you here.” You snap, knowing your words were quite harsh yet you didn’t care. You didn’t care that he looked like his entire world was crumbling around him. You didn’t care that he was sorry. if him pushing you was the only reason you were doing this you would have had your resolve broken by the way he had pushed you; but his words prior also continued to ring in your head. “Babe I’m begging you please don’t make me leave. I’m sorry I hurt you I am so fucking sorry I hurt you but it won’t ever happen again I promise you that. I can fix this…I don’t want to break up please don’t break up with me.. even if you need space I can give you that I-I can…—sigh—I can be better for you okay? I didn’t mean to genuinely I didn’t mean to.” He pleads. The pain that’s radiating through your back is being less burdensome than the pain in your heart at his words. But your mind is set “please leave Jisung…” you mutter under your breath before you pull your hands from his and make your way into the bedroom locking the door behind you. You heard heavy sobs and profanities coming from your living room for a while before the sound of the front door opening reaches your ears. You hear him cry out to you one more time begging for you to call him when you’ve figured out how you feel before the door is closed behind him.

Felix:

Tears form in your eyes as you stare meekly at your hands placed in your lap at the fourth joke about the dress you chose to wear. And while you did believe it hugged your body and curves in a modest yet sexy way apparently, your boyfriend and his friends found it a lot more arousing than you had intended. With the alcohol that had flowed consistently throughout dinner had sent all inhibitions out the window with the drunk boys. You felt embarrassed as Felix laughed along with the rest of his members. You felt disgusting and objectified. A look of disgust was plastered on Chans girlfriends face as she stared at her boyfriend for his latest comment. You could feel the other girls eyes on you making your growing embarrassment worse. “I-I’m going to see you guys later, j-just text me what I owe you guys for my portion” you croak as you lift yourself from your seat, ignoring Felix’s confused pleading pout. The girls giving you a sympathetic smile telling you to text them when you got home, you give them a small wave and make your way out of the restaurant allowing the tears to flow freely. Honestly you didn’t know what you were thinking wearing something like that, you and the girls went shopping and they thought it would help you gain a little bit of confidence yet now that plan had backfired and you were a laughing stock. And with Felix just laughing along like you, his girlfriend, weren’t objectified and then to make a sexual joke about you himself had you seething and utterly destroyed. A pair of arms clumsily the smell of soju and a familiar cologne fills your nostrils. You bite your bottom lip looking away from your boyfriend. “Ughh come on babe what’s up? What’s wrong?” He whines as he tries to cuddle into you.

“You’re kidding me right?” You snap, pulling away from him “no seriously what’s your problem? Everyone was having fun and you just took things way too personal they aren’t into you like that babe” he offhandedly sighed as he pulled you closer to his frame placing wet kisses along your shoulder “but I am, so please don’t be mad I can’t help but be all over you right now you look so fucking good” he groans his arms firmly wrapping around your waist. “Felix seriously get off me!” You growl trying to pull his hands from around your waist “why are you being such a fucking bitch! “ He snaps releasing his hold on you “I’m sorry I don’t enjoy being objectified by 8 different men!” You retort. A sarcastic laugh rings through the air before Felix’s eyes are locked on you. A darkness takes over his expression “you shouldn’t have just sat there and just allowed it to happen if it was such a problem…I bet it’s what you wanted when you dressed like such a slut.” He snaps his hands wrapping around your shoulders shoving you back against the brick wall roughly.

You stare at him in shock, your mouth hung open as he got in your face his hand grabbing at your chin forcing you to look at him. “Felix you’re drunk let me go!” You argue trying to remove his aggressive hold on you. A conflicted look is planted on his face “you’re such a fucking bitch Y/N!” He exclaims “why do you have to be so fucking annoying right now all I wanted was to have fun with my friends and you had to go and ruin my fucking night! Honestly don’t dress like a whore if you don’t want to be treated like one.” His expression still wearing that unfamiliar darkness which makes your stomach turn. You’ve never seen this side of him, and now that you have you were absolutely terrified. “I never told you to leave you could have had fun with them Lix it would have been fine I just felt uncomfortable so I left I never asked you to leave with me you chose that. And you can chose to go back because I don’t want to be around you” you mutter your eyes drifting to the ground. “Fucking pathetic bitch..” he states under his breath “fine whatever then, bye” his tone is full of sarcasm and anger. You nod softly as you go to make your way around Felix. “Don’t expect me to call your prude ass later though…” he quips. You stare at him with disgust “don’t worry I won’t. Honestly you should expect to get a call or text from me tomorrow when all your shit is packed and on my porch” you growl, shoving him back before ripping the necklace he got you off and tossing it at him. His expression drops, “c-come on, your kidding right?” Panic fills his tone. You shake your head as you walk away from him. “Y-Y/N, wait come on let’s just talk about this..” he begs his hand reaching out to grab you. “No Felix we’re done. There’s nothing else to talk about you can go fuck yourself. Tonight told me what kind of guys you and your friends are and honestly it’s absolutely fucking disgusting. I don’t want to see you again I genuinely hate you especially since you wanted to call me a whore and put your hands on me I’m done with you I don’t ever want to see you again so don’t bother coming to see me when you sober up. Don’t call don’t text I just don’t exist to you anymore; I hope you understand this now because I won’t be entertaining this conversation again” you state stoically before walking away.

Seungmin:

“You had no right!” Seungmin shouted as he stormed into your practice room. Your eyebrows raise in amusement “what do I have no right to do?” You challenge placing your hands on your hips defiantly. A bored expression placed on your face. His jaw clenches as he releases a heavy sigh “Why’d you do that to Soohee?” You roll your eyes “oh my god! What the hell did she tell you? I literally told her to either actually learn the choreography or at least pretend better! Is there something wrong with me as a trainee about to debut scolding my lacking member; who already doesn’t put much effort in because she’s your friend?” You argue. “Min I’m not doing this with you right now as you know I’m busy right now and I’ll apologize to Soohee when she comes back okay? I have to figure this choreography out right now because the choreographer just changed it again because of Soohee. Why don’t you tell your friend to take this more seriously since JYP is ready to shelf us already since we can’t seem to get it together because Soohee won’t put any effort in.” Your steady your breathing as you make your way back over to your phone to run through your dance again. Suddenly, you feel a sharp grasp on your arm forcing you back toward your boyfriend. “You need to leave her alone Y/N! I get your jealousy but she is trying she is putting in effort—just because you’re fucking her and you think no one knows doesn’t mean you need to defend her every time she genuinely does something wrong. She’s my group member that’s why I’ve just left things alone but honestly I don’t even care if I debut anymore because I can’t be in a group with her anymore and I honestly can’t deal with you anymore.” You cut him off forcing his hand off you.

“Why do you have to act like a fucking child?! I’m not cheating on you Y/N I haven’t done anything with Soohee.” He snaps “I don’t care anymore Seungmin that’s the thing you’ve made it clear that in your eyes Soohee is absolutely gold and will always be right. I’m done being second choice to my boyfriends friend. Someone who, mind you, let me know that you guys are indeed sleeping together and also earlier today showed me pictures of you two in bed together! So I don’t care how you feel about Soohee nor do I care about how you feel about me anymore” you state boldly. You can see the conflict in Seungmin’s eyes, you can see that he believes you but he doesn’t want to. He wants to continue to hold his childhood friend in high regard but he knew you were serious. “She’s lying, those pictures are really old before I met you. Nothing happened between us even then I promise you that! I can’t lose you over this please I believe you.. I’ll talk to Soohee and things can get figured out.” He begged his hands grasping at yours trying to pull you into him. Your eyes refusing to meet his, in his panic his hands encase your face “please look at me! I can fix this” he pleas. “No honestly Seungmin just leave” you counter. His eyebrows scrunch together as he throws his phone in your direction “Fuck!” you feel it whip past your head smacking against the mirror behind you. Both of your eyes widen in shock within seconds Seungmin’s arms are around you “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to do that—please get out” you cut him off “w-what no please I’m really sorry” he drops to his knees “GET OUT!!” You scream his eyes watering locked on you with a pleading expression as he shakes his head “no please don’t make me leave I’m sorry I really didn’t mean to I wasn’t looking I wasn’t thinking please I’m sorry” you scoff as you pull yourself from his grasp “I don’t want to see you again” you explain as you walk out of the door.

Jeongin:

“Why are you such a fucking slut?!” Jeongin exclaims. “Jeongin! Thats literally an over exaggeration. I went to lunch with my coworker I wasn’t on a date with him it was literally everyone in my department!” You explain your anger growing in your stomach as your boyfriend continued his tirade. “You’ve been fucking him for months behind my back haven’t you?!” He shouts his hand grabbing at the lamp on the end table and throwing it toward you. The loud crash behind you making you recoil in fear. “No it’s seriously not like that! I haven’t done anything wrong!” You argue with your hands over your ears. You see him lifting the picture of you two from your first anniversary before he threw it at your feet the glass crashing and cracking as it made contact with the ground “you’re a fucking whore! And you say you didn’t do anything wrong? Is fucking your coworker not wrong in your eyes?!” He storms over to you his hand grabbing at your hair pulling your face toward his “you wanna rethink what you just fucking said?” He challenges. Fear flowed through your veins, he was going to hurt you. He was going to seriously hurt you…and you were absolutely terrified. He’s never acted like this before. “Please I’m sorry I’ll leave I won’t bother you again if that’s what you believe but I want to go home I’m scared please let me go home” you pleaded through your sobs. “Fuck!” He growls as he throws you back your head hitting the wall before you land on the broken remnants of the lamps. You can feel the cuts forming on your hands but all you could think was this was your chance. And you dash toward the door. Your legs carrying you at a record breaking speed.

“Wait! Wait I didn’t mean to scare you” he calls his hand wrapping around your arm softly tugging you to face him. His hand caresses your cheek “Im sorry honey, why’d you have to go and make me do that?” His tone is soft. Disgust fills your stomach, anger flares in your stomach as your hand makes contact with his cheek “im sorry honey why’d you have to go and make me mad?” You challenge as you shove him off you and walk out the door, leaving him standing there wide eyed and caressing his now reddened cheek.

[lfghughes]

Can you do an imagine where jack’s wife (reader) and kids are at the game when he gets hurt and then after when they bring him home?? A little angst ending in lots of fluff

a/n: y'all i am not good at writing an angry jack because all i can think of when i see him is just a small bean

Your heart was in your throat when Jack went down on the ice, the hit had been a hard one and you knew Jack well enough to know that if he was staying down it was because he was hurt. But you also were trying to not react too much because you had your six year old daughter and your one year old son with you.

Your daughter especially was at the age where she started to question certain things and she picked up on emotions really well. So even if you weren’t reacting she knew something was wrong with her dad but you had to stay calm to keep her calm. “Mommy..is daddy okay?” She asked and you nodded your head. “Daddy is okay, the doctor is just going to check him.” You told her as he skated off the ice.

It didn’t take long until someone who worked for the team found you, and you were sure it was because Jack had sent them which was a pretty good indication this game was done for him. Your stomach was in knots as you held onto your one year old and your six year old. The minute Jack came out of the locker room you could tell he was pissed which meant the news really wasn’t good.

Your daughters hand slipped from yours as she ran up to Jack “Daddy!!” She exclaimed forgetting all her nervousness from earlier and just excited to see him. “Not right now little bug.” He told her as he placed a gentle hand on her head, leading her back to you. “Let’s go home.” He told you, his voice rough which only made that pit in your stomach grow more.

You hated when Jack was upset. When you got to the car the both of you helped strap the little ones to their car seats and then you went towards the drivers seat “I’ll drive.” You told him and immediately a frown grew on his lips. “I’m literally fine, stop treating me like I’m going to break.” He snapped at you out of nowhere. “Jack, I’m not doing this right now. Get in the car.”

It was a clear warning and you were just happy he listened and went to his side. Once you got home you didn’t say another word to Jack, instead you got started on the kids bedtime routine which included baths. This alone took what felt like forever with the two of them and without Jacks help it only felt like it took longer.

But once your one year old was down for bed you moved onto your six year old and in between all of this Luke had shown up to check on his brother. Your daughter before you could convince her otherwise had walked over to Jack. “Daddy can you read me a story tonight?” And with a shake of his head Jack responded “Not tonight.” And with that your six year old returned to you disappointed.

Once you had her in bed you could hear the faint conversation Jack was having with Luke and it didn’t sound great. The last thing you heard was Luke mutter to his brother “You don’t have to be such an ass.” Before you heard your front door shut. “Mommy will be back, pick out a book.” And with those words you went and found Jack.

Your husband sat at the kitchen counter, his head in his hands and your heart sank once again. You walked over to him, your arms wrapping around him and you could feel him soften under your touch. “Your brother isn’t wrong but I get why you’re upset.” You whispered to him. “I’m sorry, baby.” And you could tell it was a genuine apology and that finally everything was catching up to him.

“I just hate letting the team down and you guys.” He whispered to you. “Well right now you have a six year old upstairs who just wants her dad to read her a story.” You reminded him and he just nodded his head. “You’re her hero, Jack. Just remember that next time.” And with those words you saw something shift in Jack and you knew that tonight wouldn’t be repeated again.

[peachy-panic]

Companion, pt. 1

New Do No Harm content? In the current timeline? In 2024 the year of our lord? Could it be?

Here's part 1 of a couple-part saga in the Sebastian contract, which I lightly foreshadowed here.

WARNINGS: Not much outside the usual BBU tag and the uncomfortable power dynamics that come with it.

The house is warm when Sebastian gets home, in every sense of the word. A candle flickers an inviting glow on the coffee table, and the smell of garlic and onions rushes to greet him. As expected, he finds Jaime posted in the kitchen, tending to his latest creation on the stovetop. On the small bluetooth radio beside the toaster, a song he doesn’t recognize is playing.

It’s taking some time for Sebastian to get used to coming home to someone. For so long, for most of this adult life, it has been dark, empty apartments or cold, distant roommates, never allowed past arm’s length. And now, there’s Jaime, who has entered his life like a bullet and smiles over his shoulder when Sebastian walks into the room. 

He is getting better these days at reading his smiles, and this one, at least, appears to be genuine. Relieved, almost, that he is home. 

“Hi,” Jaime says first.

“Hello,” Sebastian echoes, dropping his coat over the back of a barstool. “What are we making?”

“It’s an Ezra recipe,” Jaime says, wiping his palms on his pants. “Is soup okay tonight? If that’s not substantial enough, I am happy to make something else with it.”

Sebastian does not let his smile drop or fade, no matter how desperately uncertain Jaime sounds. “Soup sounds great, Jaime. It smells amazing.”

It’s the truth, too. It’s a difficult balance, wanting to compliment his prowess in the kitchen and appreciate the genuine joy he seems to derive from it, while also trying not to think of the how and why. Sebastian doesn’t know much about what “training” looks like inside the facility, especially for the specialized domestic tasks that would have been assigned to Jaime, and he doesn’t particularly like speculating on the details. From everything he’s seen in the clinic, he knows that none of it is pleasant.

“How was work?’ Jaime asks, then seems to catch himself. He stiffens, looking sheepishly away. “Sorry. You probably aren’t allowed to talk about that.”

Sebastian snorts. “If only doctor-patient confidentiality applied in a place like that.” The words come out before he can consider the significance they carry to the person he’s speaking to. Guilt spikes sharp in his chest. “Sorry, that wasn’t…”

“It’s okay.” Jaime smiles, but it’s a tense, brittle line. 

“Um.” Sebastian clears his throat, trying to get their conversation back on the rails before he ruins the evening completely. “My day was okay. It was fine.” He shakes his head, pressing his fingers briefly to his eyes. “That was a lie. It was terrible, as usual. I don’t think I need to convince you that having a good day in that building would be a poor reflection of one’s character.” 

So much for salvaging the conversation, Tate. 

“Anyway, how was your day?” 

Jaime pulls the hand towel down from his shoulder and begins wiping at an invisible spot on the counter. “It was fine, thank you.”

Sebastian watches him, trying hard not to scrutinize the pre-packaged reply. His answer is always something of the same tune when Sebastian inquires about his day, never anything less than “fine,” never forthcoming on the details. It’s not the first time it’s sent Sebastian into a bit of a spiral about a concern he’s had from the very beginning: how does Jaime spend his days? Is he happy here? Has Sebastian provided him with enough resources to carve out some semblance of a life here?

He has tried. He has provided him access to the internet and all the movies streaming had to offer, he bought Jaime a reading tablet and granted blanket permission to fill it with as many books as he wants, he has given enthusiastic encouragement for Jaime to go for runs or walks whenever he’d like. It doesn’t feel like enough. He still ends up spending his long days at work wondering if Jaime is at home feeling like a prisoner. 

Sebastian pushes the thought away for now. 

“Is there anything I can help with?” He asks.

“It’s almost done, actually.” Jaime taps the excess liquid from the wood spoon and lays it on a ceramic dish. “Just needs a few more minutes to simmer. Sorry, I hoped it would be ready by the time you got home.”

Sebastian gives him a look. “You don’t have to cook at all,” he says. “Let alone have it hot and waiting at the table. You’re aware of my microwave burrito phase? My standards are low.”

“I remember.” Jaime assures him.  “I don’t mind, though. I like trying new recipes. Ezra lent me a cookbook. I tabbed a few that look interesting. If they look good to you, that is.”

“You have yet to steer me wrong. I’m starting to think it’s impossible for you to cook anything less than a masterpiece.”

The slight stutter in Jaime’s stirring is quick enough that Sebastian can brush it off as his imagination. 

“It passes the time,” Jaime says, a bit quieter. 

“What?”

“Cooking. Planning the meals, ordering the ingredients. Prep and cook time,” he elaborates. “It’s productive, is all I mean.” Jaime has gone tense, the way he does when he seems to say more than he means to, but he recovers quickly. 

The soup is ready shortly after, and dinner is delicious as always, but Sebastian can’t get out of his own head enough to really enjoy it. Jaime’s words—it passes the time—bounce around inside his skull, breaking open all sorts of subtext and confirming all of Sebastian’s fears. 

They’re cleaning up afterward, Sebastian scrubbing the dishes while Jaime dries, when a thought that’s been brewing spills out of his mouth. 

“Have you ever had any pets?” Sebastian asks, apropos of absolutely nothing. Jaime shoots him a quick side glance without pausing in his work. 

“Once,” he says after a beat. 

Sebastian knows it’s tricky ground, getting too close to details from Jaime’s past. He knows the rules he is bound by and how closely Jaime tries to follow them, even if sometimes Sebastian thinks he might be getting more and more comfortable with little rebellions. Sebastian is still riding the high from a couple weeks prior when Jaime had gifted him and Ezra the small nugget of truth that he used to play soccer, in his life before the system. What might have been an insignificant detail to anyone else was such a fragile, entrusted thing.

Sebastian doesn’t want to pry, though. He decides to keep his questions more general. 

“Do you like animals?”

“Yes.” That answer comes much quicker. 

“Would you…” Sebastian pauses, making sure he’s positive about the proposition he is making before he makes it. He is. “Tell me honestly if this isn’t something you’re interested in, and I won’t be offended in the slightest. I was wondering… if that might be something you would be interested in. Having a pet here.”

Jaime takes a minute to answer, like he’s choosing each word carefully. “Would it be solely for my benefit?”

“No,” Sebastian assures him, and it’s not a lie. “It’s something I’ve thought about before, but I don’t have a lot of experience with pets. Zero, to be exact, unless you count a goldfish that lived for under a week when I was seven.” He pauses. “I do worry about you getting lonely, though. Staying here by yourself all the time.”

“I don’t mind being alone.”

“I know. I just wonder if it might be nice to have some company. Something to look after.” Something to bring you comfort. Anything to make you happy here. 

A quiet falls over them, interspersed with the sound of running water and dishes clanking around in the sink, and Sebastian starts to think of how to walk this back. Because clearly this is something that gives Jaime pause. 

“What about…” Jaime starts, then stops. Sebastian puts down the dish he is working on and looks at him. Jaime meets his eyes for a split second and then averts them again. “Would you keep it, even after I’m gone?”

And shit. Maybe it’s a good thing he put the cup down in the sink, because Sebastian is pretty sure it would have shattered in his hand from the force of his grip. And he realizes, not for the first time, that the longevity of this… arrangement is something they need to talk about. In detail. At length. Soon. But now doesn’t seem like the right time. 

“If I brought a living creature into my home,” he starts carefully, “then this would become its home, too. It will be here for the long haul.”

After a long, weighty silence, he sees Jaime nod in his periphery. 

“I think I’d like that.”

****

@whumpervescence @shiningstarofwinter @distinctlywhumpthing @whumptywhumpdump @nicolepascaline @anotherbluntpencil @hold-him-down @crystalquartzwhump @maracujatangerine @batfacedliar-yetagain @thecyrulik @pumpkin-spice-whump @finder-of-rings @melancholy-in-the-morning @insaneinthepaingame @skyhawkwolf @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @mylifeisonthebookshelf @dont-touch-my-soup @whump-world @inpainandsuffering @cicatrix-energy @quietly-by-myself @whumpsday @extemporary-whump @the-whumpers-grimm @thebirdsofgay @firewheeesky @whumperfully @hold-back-on-the-comfort @termsnconditions-apply  @cyborg0109  @whumplr-reader  @pinkraindropsfell  @whatwhumpcomments @honeycollectswhump @pirefyrelight @handsinmotion @alexmundaythrufriday @scoundrelwithboba

[ahonice]

it doesn't matter

jamie drysdale x fem reader (ft. trevor zegras)

word count: 4.3k

warnings: drinking, sexual themes and mentions of sex, cursing, jamie being a fake swiftie (dw that is taken care of), reader has a guilty conscious, fluff (some angst i think), happy ending (those are rare on this blog), not proofread because i accidentally queued this so it posted on its own oops

note: i rewrote this about three times over the past two months, hope you guys are pleased with the final outcome. any and all feedback is greatly appreciated. hope you guys enjoy. have a great day, love y’all babes <3 !!!

+++

“hey you’re single right?” your head shot up at the sound of trevor, one of your closest friends, voice. you had known trevor since you moved to anaheim for college, on your first day in town he accidentally took your coffee from the pickup area at starbuck and you chased him down because you would be damned if you spent ten dollars on an iced coffee that you wouldn’t of been able to drink. it would’ve been a lie if you said you didn’t have a crush on him, he was so funny and kind and not to mention the fact that he is genuinely gorgeous, but you never acted on anything because you were worried he wouldn’t reciprocate your feelings, and the fact that the two of you have had one too many drunken, and a couple sober, hookups didn’t help either.

“of course i am, or else what we did last night would’ve been morally wrong, why?” your heart rate picked up, thoughts running a mile a minute. was he about to ask you out? did he actually like you back the way you dreamed he did? was our relationship finally gonna be something more than friends who fuck at times?

“i wanna set you up with my roommate, jamie. i think you guys would like each other.”

+++

it was a crushing blow, not only did trevor just inadvertently just tell you your feelings are one sided, but that they are so one sided that he thinks his roommate would be a better match for you than himself. you felt sick to your stomach, this was in no way a heartbreak, but that doesn’t mean it can’t hurt.

“earth to y/n.” trevor’s voice shook you from your trance, you had completely forgotten he was there. “you good? you haven’t said a word in like five minutes.”

“yeah i’m fine, um who is this guy? i don’t think i’ve heard you talk about a jamie before.” you wanted this to be a joke, for trevor to say he was kidding, maybe jamie wasn’t real and he just wanted to see if i was open to a relationship right now. 

“well he’s on the ducks as well, seems like your type. brunette with blue eyes, he’s got nice eyebrows too, just a couple weeks older than you, i know you don’t like extremely tall guys so him being 5’11 is perfect.” the more trevor went on about jamie the more you realized that jamie was in fact a real person and did seem like my exact type. “he has freckles too, i know you love those on guys and he looks good in the color green, he checks off all your boxes y/n.” you hated that he did. 

“can i see a picture before i agree to anything?” you didn’t want trevor to get suspicious when you said no, so you wanted to seem like you were at least considering it.

“absolutely.” looking over at trevor’s phone you let out a small sound of surprise.

he was gorgeous

“trevor why have you never told me about him before?” you said, grabbing his phone to go through all of his instagram posts. “he is literally beautiful!” 

“i honestly didn’t even think about it, but jamie saw you at our party last week and asked about you and i knew i had to make you two happen.” trevor said, taking his phone back. “come over tonight. we’re having a party before the season starts, you’ll be able to meet jamie.”

+++

it didn’t take you very long to get ready, your hair and makeup having already been done from your errands earlier in the day, but you did struggle picking out an outfit as every twenty year old girl would. you didn’t quite know who it was that you were dressing up for, in previous months it was always trevor. you were always hoping that he would see you and you would end up staying with him until the morning. while that was usually the case, the second part of your fantasy never came true. the part where trevor realizes he has feelings for you that go further than seeing you as a good fuck. but now there was jamie, you hadn’t even met him yet and you were still wanting to impress him. maybe trevor would see you with jamie and it would make him realize his feelings for you. but jamie seemed nice, once trevor left you looked him up and watched a few too many tiktoks and interviews involving him, he seemed like the polar opposite of trevor and that might just be what you need, it also doesn’t hurt that he was just about one of the most attractive men you’ve ever seen in your life, trevor was not lying when he said that jamie was your exact type. settling on a simple pink top and black jeans you made your way towards the uber trevor had ordered for you, palms sweaty and legs slightly shaking as you confirmed where you were headed before you saw your apartment complex disappear in the distance. 

+++

“y/n thank god you’re here, i was starting to think you were pussying out.” trevor loudly yelled as he approached you, great he was already at least three drinks in. “catch up” he said once he was standing in front of you, handing you a beer. 

“i don’t drink this crap, you know this.” you said, shaking your head as trevor silently continued to push the can in your face.

“fine, i bought you some caymans. they’re in the garage fridge, but don’t take too long, jamie is excited to meet you.” you ignored the way his eyebrows wiggled as you began walking towards the garage.

once you were in there you grabbed two drinks, just so you wouldn’t have to come back out for at least half an hour, as well as a shooter. you needed the liquid confidence that would come from the tiny bottle of pink whitney. 

once you made your way back into the party you walked around looking for trevor, stopping a couple of times to greet those you knew, before you found him sitting with the man of the hour.

“y/n! come here, meet jamie.” trevor waved you over, you took a generous sip of the alcohol in your hand before making your way over, sitting down on the couch. trevor in the middle of us, as he began rambling to no one in particular about something you didn’t quite know, your ears tuning him out as the sound of your heartbeat in your ears took over all your senses. 

“y/n, are you even listening to me?” trevor asked you, gently poking the exposed part of your waist.

“no.” the laugh you heard after that made a bush creep up your neck, jamie’s laugh was just as beautiful as he was.

“rude, anyways y/n this is jamie. jamie, this is y/n.” he motioned the two of you towards each other as he talked, jamie reached in front of him to offer you his hand. “now get to know one another, i’m gonna go play pong.” trevor stood up before you could protest him leaving you alone with jamie.

you expected it to be awkward, but it wasn’t. conversation was flowing between the two of you like you had known each other for years, you talked about the basics, what tv shows you enjoyed, favorite movies, taste in music, which then led to a thirty minute discussion about taylor swift and how jamie claimed he was a swiftie but couldn’t name any songs that weren’t played on the radio

“i have a lot to teach you i guess.” you were definitely making it obvious that you were interested in him, but you didn’t care. you’d usually be so shy around a guy so cute, but something about jamie made you calm, that was the simplest way to put it.

“i would love that.” the blush on his face matched yours. you smiled at him, contemplating whether or not you wanted to ask the question you had been wanting the answer to all night.

“so why have i never seen you around or met you before? i’ve known trevor for almost two years now, and i’m over here quite a lot.” 

“i usually just stay in my room all day, especially during parties, i’m not the biggest fan of them.”

“then why are you out here right now and not bunkered up in your room?”

“i wanted to meet you, to get to know you.” jamie answered, scratching the back of his head and giving you a sheepish smile. “i came downstairs last weekend to grab something from the kitchen and that's when i saw you, i really lucked out that you are friends with trevor or else i probably never would’ve been able to find out who you were.” 

you nodded at his response, informing him that you were glad you were friends with trevor too.

“speaking of him, i was hoping to see him again before i left.” you told jamie, standing up from your spot on the couch noticing his slightly upset expression. “let me give you my number, i would love to see you again, maybe begin my lessons on taylor swift to you.” 

“i would love that.”

+++

after exchanging contact information with jamie you made your way outside towards the pong tables, hoping that trevor would still be out there. 

“hey trevor, i was just about to leave, wanted to say goodbye.” you said approaching him in the dimly lit yard.

“you’re leaving already? i didn’t even get any time with you.” he pouted, resting his chin on your shoulder his arms loosely around your waist. 

“sorry trev, but i got to know jamie. don’t let this get to your head, but i think you might be a pretty good wingman.” you joked, your arms around his neck gently running your hands through the ends of his hair. it wasn’t abnormal for the two of you to be so affectionate, so this felt normal.

“good, i’m glad.” his tone didn’t sound like his statement, but you could easily chalk that up to the alcohol in his system finally wearing him down. 

“why don’t i help you get into bed? basically everyone has left already.” you suggested, forcing his head up to meet yours at your eye level.

he smirked before responding. “i like where this was going.” 

“nothing like that buddy, besides you just set me up with your best friend that wouldn’t be a good idea, don’t you think?”

“that's not fair, you can’t do that.” he mumbled, his head dropping back down into the crook of your neck. “you can’t say you're taking me to bed, and then not take me to bed the way i want you to take me to bed."

you rolled your eyes at his comment and began dragging him back inside and up towards his room. once you wrestled him out of his jeans, giving up on putting pants on him because of his multiple attempts to lure you into bed, you got him to lay down and made sure he was comfortable before you headed downstairs to get some water and pain killers for him to take once he woke up in the morning. 

“goodnight trevor.”

you made your way outside onto the front lawn while you waited for your uber to arrive. you usually would’ve taken trevor up on his offer to spend the night with him, but something about even just thinking about doing that was now making you feel guilty. it wasn’t like you and jamie were in a committed relationship or anything, but he seemed to genuinely like you and was actually interested in getting to know you and you didn’t want to do anything to sabotage that.

+++

from: unknown number

can we meet up today for coffee or lunch? i would love to start becoming a real swiftie.

to: unknown number

am i right in assuming this is jamie??

from: unknown number 

yes 🙃

to: jamie🤭

i would love to meet up.

to: jamie🤭

could we get lunch? i am literally starving because of my hangover.

from: jamie🤭

absolutely. send me your address, i’ll come pick you up. 

+++

you were in full panic mode, you had no idea what to wear and the fact that it was visibly obvious that you were hungover didn’t help at all. you told jamie to give you at least thirty minutes, after he told you that an hour was too long. 

you took the fastest shower you ever have in your life before tackling the biggest issue, your outfit. you went through every drawer, bin, and your closet before you decided on biker shorts and a crewneck. you could only hope that jamie wasn’t planning on taking you somewhere with a dress code. 

makeup was applied and your hair was pulled into a claw clip before jamie texted you that he was outside, you did some final touches before you made your way out of your apartment complex. you lucked out seeing that jamie was in a comfy outfit just like you were. once you were buckled up jamie handed you his phone and told you to pick the music before driving off.

+++

“so what is your all time favorite taylor swift song?” jamie asked once he joined you in the booth you found for the two of you, he had taken you to in and out claiming he was craving a burger, and you didn’t complain because you would never pass up the opportunity to fuck up some animal fries.

“i don’t have just one, i think it is humanly impossible to have just one.” you told him, taking a sip of your lemonade before continuing. “i do, however, have a list of my top sixteen songs by her in no particular order.”

“sixteen songs? that’s insane.” 

“she has over two hundred songs, you’ve got a lot of listening to do.”

“well why don’t you give me your list of songs, the only ones i really care about are the ones you like.” you blushed at his words, before stating all of your favorite songs by her. his only responses were “i don’t know that one, never heard of it, i know that one, wait no i don’t”

once you were done and jamie confirmed all the songs were now added to his spotify you two began eating as you gave him a run down of her career.

“so who is your favorite and least favorite ex of hers?”

“i hope you don’t have plans for the rest of the day because i have a lot to say on this.”

+++

“do you want to get dessert? there is a nice ice cream place a few minutes from here.” jamie asked while you two were walking around huntington beach. you didn’t even realize how long the two of you had been hanging out until he asked if you wanted to get dinner, and now three hours after that when he is now asking to get dessert. 

“yea i would love to.” he smiled down at you and you made the move to hold his hand. “sorry, i hope this is ok, i just wanted to hold your hand.” you blushed, turning your head away from him.

“it’s ok, i wanted to as well.” he blushed as well before he began leading the way towards the ice cream shop. 

+++

“i had a lot of fun today, i was honestly a little nervous that with both of us sober it would be a little awkward, but it wasn’t and i would like to see you again. soon. sorry if that is a bit forward.” you told jamie as he pulled up in front of your apartment.

“i’d like to see you soon too, like tomorrow soon. are you busy tomorrow? we could get dinner, a nice place this time, not that in and out and qdoba aren’t nice it’s just-”

“yea i would love to, just send me the restaurants info before so i can figure out what to wear.”

“you’ll look beautiful in whatever you wear y/n.” you blushed at jamie’s comment before leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek. you were quick to get out of the car, yelling a goodbye as you ran into the front doors of your building.

+++

“finally you’re back. where the hell were you? i’ve been here for hours.” 

“how the hell did you get into my apartment trevor?” you asked the boy who was sprawled out across your couch eating your food. “stop eating my wheat thins asshole.”

“i found your spare key, i mean hiding it on the top of the door frame is just a horrible idea y/n.” trevor said as he went back into your kitchen, hopefully to put your snacks away.

“what are you doing her trev?” you asked, taking your shoes off before making your way into the living room.

“where were you? you’re never out late, and i got here at like two and it’s now eleven. did you pick up a shift?” trevor was quick to join you on the couch, grabbing a blanket and throwing it over the two of you.

“no, i was actually with jamie, he picked me up at noon to get lunch and then we spent the whole day together.” you blushed remembering how much fun you had today and how it was the first time in a while that you had enjoyed a date that much.

“oh, i didn’t realize that you two were getting along that well.” trevor said, reaching towards the table to grab the remote. “what the hell did you two talk about for nearly twelve hours? jamie cannot be that interesting of a guy.”

“we started off talking about taylor swift and how he is a fake swiftie, just like you are.” trevor cut you off with a gasp and hit you with the pillow he was using. “and then we talked about our childhoods, stories from school and growing up where we did.” you smiled at nothing, just reflecting on this one story jamie had told you about his worst halloween costume, which you then one upped with your own horrible halloween story. “thanks for pushing me to meet him trevor, i know it’s only been a day but i feel an actual connection with him and i can’t remember the last time i felt that with a guy.” 

+++

you and jamie had been going on dates multiple times a week for the past month now and tonight the team had the night off and jamie was taking you to his favorite restaurant for date night. you weren’t dating, yet, but both you and jamie have spoken about it as something you both want. it’s just up to when the timing is right.

“where is he taking you out tonight?” trevor asked you as he joined you in your bedroom. you called him over to help you pick out an outfit for tonight.

“cortina’s” it wasn’t a black tie restaurant, but it wasn’t a jeans and a tshirt restaurant either. “i was thinking my black leather pants and then a nice top, maybe my pink top with the mesh sleeves?” you were met with silence from your best friend, “hello? earth to trevor.”

“sorry what?” you rolled your eyes before entering the bathroom, changing into the outfit you had in mind. “what do you think?”

“i think that jamie isn’t coming to pick you up for another two hours and that gives us plenty of time to have some fun.” trevor said, wrapping his arms around your waist and giving you open mouth kisses on the exposed skin of your neck down to your shoulder, you let yourself revel in the feeling before you snapped back into your senses.

“trevor stop.” you pushed his arms off of you as you distanced yourself from him. “trevor you can’t do that, we can’t do this anymore.”

“why not y/n? you and jamie aren’t dating, there is nothing wrong with it. it’s been a month and i’m getting frustrated.” he groaned, flopping down onto your bed.

“that is not my issue trev, don’t blame me. i can guarantee that there are at least one hundred girls in your dm’s right now who would be willing to hook up with you, go bother one of them.” you snapped back at him, not in the mood.

“i don’t want some random girl, i want you y/n. aren’t you in the mood even a little bit, it’s been a month for you too.” you avoided his eyes as you made your way to your vanity to begin your makeup. “wait have you been fucking jamie? what the fuck y/n?”

“trevor you have no right to be upset, we are nothing. you were the one who set us up. isn’t this what you wanted?”

“no this isn’t what i wanted, i should’ve just made jamie make a move on his own. if that was the case you would still have no idea who the hell he was because jamie is too much of a little-”

“get out.” you cut trevor off before he could say anything worse. “trevor get out and don’t talk to me until you manage to get your head out of your ass.”

+++

“is everything okay? you seem a bit off.” jamie asked, he was right. after your argument with trevor you had been a bit out of it, the guilt of what you had done with trevor in the past was eating away at you. “could we talk about it later? i don’t want to ruin dinner.” your voice was shaky as you spoke.

“yes of course, but i’m gonna be honest i’m a little worried now.” jamie said, playing with the napkin on his lap. 

“i am too, don't worry.” your attempt at a joke didn’t help, but thankfully the waiter came to take our orders. 

+++

dinner was terrible. 

you two tried your hardest to have everything be normal and how things had been in the past month, but both of you were worried about what you had to say. jamie was scared you were gonna break things off with him, he was already nervous for tonight because he was going to ask to make things official between you two, and now he was even more on edge. while you were worried that after you told him about you and trevor’s past that he would no longer want anything to do with you and would break things off before they even got fully started. 

“so can you tell me what is going on?” jamie asked once you two had exited the restaurant and were sitting in his car.

“i want you to know that this started before i even knew you existed and it stopped the moment i met you.” you took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. “trevor and i had been hooking up, for nearly the whole time we were friends, but i swear to you the second i met you i cut it off. i’m really sorry for not telling you sooner, it’s just that i really, really, like you and i didn’t want anything to jeopardize that, even though keeping it a secret probably wasn’t the best alternative.” you looked out the window, avoiding his gaze, afraid of how badly he was judging you right now. “i understand if you don’t want to continue this anymore, you can just drop me off right here and i’ll uber home.”

“y/n. i don’t care.” you finally peeled your eyes away from the reflection of the cars in the side view mirror to see jamie looking at you with a smile. “your previous relationships are none of my business, yes it is a bit uncomfortable that he is my roommate and one of my closest friends, as well as one of yours, but i really, really, like you too so that doesn’t matter to me.” you smiled back at him, a few tears building up in your waterline. “i was actually going to ask you if you wanted to be my girlfriend, and i still want to. so y/n would you make me the happiest man alive and officially become my girlfriend?”

“yes jamie, i would be honored.” you leaned over the center console and kissed his cheek, to not distract him from the road. “it sounds like you proposed jamie.” you laughed. “are things going to be weird around trevor for you?” you hated the idea of being the cause of their falling out, or to have any team problems sprout from this.

“yes.” jamie replied bluntly. “and i’m definitely not the biggest fan of you two hanging out without me there, at least for a little bit, but it’ll all work out. i won’t let it get to me or my game, but the second he makes a comment about you it’s over.”

you giggled before replying with a short “got it.” and placed your hand over his.

“and don’t worry, i never plan on going anywhere without you drysdale. you’re gonna have to start coming to girls' nights too.”

+++

note: i actually rewrote this three times and each time the plot was different, the last version was so much juicer and had so much drama (trevor realized he was in love with reader, but he was too late dun dun DUNNNN) but i cut that out because i couldn’t get the wording right. anyways i hope y’all enjoyed, leave feedback (any and all is appreciated), have a great day, i love y’all babes <3 !!!

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Hi Shalom, I am the anon who sent an ask about calling a shul last week. Before giving updates I would like to apologise for vomiting my anxiety all over the ask. We're strangers and you didn't ask for the job of calming my anxieties. I apologise for that.

Also, thank you for your faith in me, it gave me strength, because I did go to the shul. I was incredulous at myself, but I did do it. I had to go back to my home during the day as I had forgotten my ID but I still went back instead of giving up (the journey was one hour and a half total, next time I will remember).

The security literally used interrogator techniques on me, which I realised only later. I totally understand, I didn't know anyone there, I was not Jewish by my own confession, I could have been anyone. Anyway, I said if I shouldn't be here that evening it was fine (I didn't want to pose a security risk) he said "No! You can go tonight we talked about you."

What can I say about the experience but that it was- so much better than I expected. First, everyone was so opened and relaxed. I talked with two women behind me. I said it was my first time and asked some questions, and one of them was so nice. Said she couldn't read either the first time, that she had learned. Turns out she was a convert. I hesitated to tell her I wasn't Jewish, but I did. One thing I want to be is honest. Those people are literally putting themselves in danger, opening their space to a stranger, I owe them at least three time my honesty.

At one point during the office, I got teary eyes. The emotion of being there, honestly it surprised me, I don't really now what got me so emotional. Another moment, I felt like I was flying, wrapped in the singing of everyone around me.

Another thing is I was finally hearing people say Hashem, and Shma Israel and Shabbat Shalom and talking about the destruction of the Temple. It was as if I had finally found the correct dimension, you know?

It was so good. At the end the lady gave me her number told me I could text and we could drink coffee this week so that she could answer my questions.

The guy at the entrance told me to call the secretary to begin the procedure of conversion. I never said I wanted to, but apparently me wanting to assist to an office count as wanting to convert.

So, this has been a wonderful experience. I still I'm not sure if I want to convert or not. I will contact the lady. What I know is I want to learn everything, I want to go back to shul. What I don't know is, what level of observance can I sustain realistically over the term of my life? am I ready to confront my relatives reaction to this? And am I ready to put my children in danger over my calling to Judaism?

I will reflect and ask questions and think.

Thank you for reading, have a great day!

I want to start with: I am, genuinely, very proud of you. It might sound odd, but it is such an intimidating first step to take, and I can empathize with how scary it is. Additionally, I understand where you were coming from, and understood that these anxieties are hard to talk about with, really, anyone, but they need to go somewhere. Every step of the conversion process is a community project, even questioning if judaism is right will take a community to address. We can't survive alone in this, and I think part of exploring conversion is learning how to be in community. I think many of us grew up in hyper-individualistic communities to the point where we internalize shame by "stooping down" to seeking help. I don't want to assume what your situation is, but it's definitely been something I personally have had to contend with (and frankly, I still am contending with). So I truly understand why you went about your feelings the way you did - you didn't cause harm to me, I didn't feel like a therapist, and you it seemed like you needed community. That's nothing to be ashamed or guilty for. So long as we all remember that I am not an expert, I think we can at least have a heart-to-heart. My overall point is: I don't want for you to feel ashamed of needing community and asking for support, and I hope you don't feel that way. I'm glad you contacted me, and feel honored that you chose me to speak about it with. That's crazy to think about (in a good way, of course)!

I truly have so much faith in your path, and I found myself relating heavily in what you've expressed. I absolutely don't want to tell you what you ought to do, but I really hope you continue this journey no matter where it leads you. Keep asking those big questions - learning about what your needs are is so important. I can't answer them for you, and I don't want to assume that you want me to answer those for me, but if you ever want to talk, know that this blog is an option if you want it to be. All of this is a community effort. Chase the happiness. You deserve that, literally, at the very least

[smoshygayness]

Thought I would write something cute and fluffy🫠 dunno if I’m still able to do that 😂 I don’t even know if this have sense, but let’s try. (English it’s not my first language, hope it’s readable)

They were just about to finish recording the angry letter video and Ian was emotionally tired. He had to be composed and not show too much. He didn’t want to go emotional in front of all these people, and above all in front of Anthony because he knew that for him it was a hard time, reading all those things aloud. But that , for Ian, required lots of energy and mental strength.

He was tired of holding himself back. It was destroying his mental state again.

When they were done recording, he and Anthony headed toward Ian’s office. They needed to finish some stuff before going home so they decided to order some dinner since it was already late and they were starving. Ian was all of a sudden really quiet, all of his tension and tiredness was kicking in. He sat on his chair, closing his eyes for a bit, letting out a long breath. He then took his glasses off and his eyes focused on Anthony for a brief moment. He was taking his jacket off, mumbling something Ian didn’t quite catch. He looked genuinely happy and calm. Like he finally had the opportunity to let all his thoughts out. It’s not like they didn’t talk about their feelings after their reunion. Actually they talked a lot. About what was in their mind, about all those years apart from each other, about anything and everything . They promised to talk with each other about everything that comes on their mind. But Ian knew there was something he was intentionally not telling him. Maybe because he was afraid to open up that much. He’s always been afraid of expressing his feelings even though it was his best friend he was talking with. But he promised, so he had to be brave and tell Anthony everything that was on his mind because he didn’t want to ruin their friendship again.

His thoughts were interrupted as he saw Anthony moving closer to his chair.

“Hey man what do you want for dinner? I thought we might order something light for tonight since we have to wake up early tomorrow. I don’t wanna have trouble sleeping.”

Anthony said, looking at Ian while searching something good to eat on his delivery app.

“Mmm okay, I was thinking like a soup or something would be fine?”

Ian wasn’t really interested in the food anymore. He was actually starving when they left the studio, but now all he was thinking about was how to tell Anthony how he was feeling.

Meanwhile anthony was nodding at him, telling him that soup was a good idea and he was trying to choose which soup was better for them. But Ian wasn’t listening. He wasn’t listening when apparently Anthony did ask something to him.

“Are you there? Are you listening to me?”

Anthony’s waving hand in front of his face put him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah sorry I was just thinking. Anyway, that soup sounds great.” Gesturing towards the vegan one.

Anthony stared at Ian for a second, realizing something was up in his best friend’s head.

“Are you okay Ian?”

Ian was caught off guard, he didn’t expect Anthony to notice this quick his mood had change.

He let out a sigh and rubbed his face. He didn’t know where to start but he knew he couldn’t escape from this.

“Anthony I…I know that during the reading of the angry letter I’d never seriously express myself and it was like I was undervaluing what I was reading. But it’s not like this. I wanted you to know that even though I am so bad with emotions, I felt what you wrote on that journal. I was just trying no to break down during the recording. And it was hard not to do that.”

He pause just to see Anthony’s eyes watering. The sight of his friend crying, brought him on the edge and he found himself crying all the tears he wanted to cry that day. He immediately wiped his eyes, trying to calm himself down. With a not so steady voice, he kept with his trail of thoughts.

“I am so sorry for all the shit we’ve been through in the past. We were both so wrecked we didn’t even realize how bad we were hurting ourselves.”

His voice cracked, another tear drew a wet line on his pale skin.

“I know that during those past years I’d never took your feelings into consideration and I feel really bad for that. Because I know now that I was hurting you and I didn’t even realize back then because I was so inconsiderate and stupid. And blind…”

Ian felt Anthony’s hands on his shoulder, gently squeezing him. He didn’t even realized he had moved since now. He turned his head to met Anthony’s gaze and he was still crying, face all red and wet. But even with all those tears, he had a sweet smile on his face. He leaned closer to Ian and hugged him tight from behind. His arms around his neck.

Ian put his hands on Anthony’s, squeezing. He than stood up from his chair, facing Anthony.

“It’s okay”

Anthony softly said, gently wiping Ian’s tears. Ian closed his eyes, leaning in Anthony’s touch. The feeling of Anthony’s warm hand on his face was heartwarming.

“We both fuck up really bad, I fucked up really bad. It’s not your fault, we were both so emotionally unavailable and tired. We grew and learn from our mistakes and that’s the best thing that could have happened to us. And now we’re here. Stronger than before. Changed.”

Ian nodded and without even thinking about it, he found himself hugging Anthony. With all his strength. They stayed like that for what seemed like a lifetime and than they break the hug. They stared at each other smiling like idiots. Ian felt Anthony’s hand caressing his face, pulling back his hair just a little for him to kiss him on the forehead. Ian just melted into his touch, happy to finally be able to be more open with Anthony. It was all new and so good at the same time. It felt like a heavy weight on his chest just disappeared all of a sudden.

It was all he needed.

Anthony was all he needed.

He’s never been happier.

[callingallbaddies]

Cocky Bastard

Heelbret

As I sat at the commentary desk, analyzing each match with my sharp wit and insightful comments, I couldn't help but notice Heel Bret's confident swagger as he made his way down the ramp. His piercing gaze locked onto mine, a mischievous glint in his eyes that hinted at the chaos he was about to unleash.

"You know, Y/n," he began, his voice oozing with charm, "I can't help but be captivated by your beauty and intelligence as you sit there at ringside. It seems you are more than just a commentator. You're a force to be reckoned with."

His flirtatious tone caught me off guard, and I raised an eyebrow, not sure if I should play along or maintain my professionalism. "Oh, Bret," I replied, my voice a mix of amusement and skepticism, "I appreciate the compliments, but let's not forget that the real action is in the ring, not in our banter."

Heel Bret chuckled, undeterred by my response. "Ah, Y/n, your quick wit only adds to your allure. But trust me, I am well aware of your ability to captivate an audience. It takes one charismatic performer to recognize another."

His cockiness irked me, but I couldn't deny the underlying chemistry between us. "Bret, there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance," I retorted, my voice laced with a touch of challenge. "And it seems you've crossed that line more times than I can count."

He flashed me a self-assured smirk, leaning closer to the commentary desk. "I prefer to call it embracing my greatness," he countered, his gaze intensifying. "But don't worry, Y/n, I'll make sure to give you front-row access to witness my victory tonight. Perhaps then, you'll understand the irresistible charm that sets me apart."

His words made my pulse quicken, a mixture of annoyance and intrigue bubbling within me. "Oh, I've seen your performances, Bret," I replied, my voice laced with a hint of sarcasm. "But I can't say I'm convinced just yet. Actions speak louder than words in this ring, remember?"

Heel Bret's grin widened, and he leaned even closer, his breath warm against my ear. "You're right, Y/n," he whispered, sending shivers down my spine. "Actions do speak louder than words. And tonight, I plan on showing you just how powerful my actions can be."

The intensity of his gaze and the promise in his words sent a rush of adrenaline through me. It was undeniable - Heel Bret knew how to work a crowd, how to draw people in with his charisma. And in that moment, he had my full attention.

As the night unfolded, Bret delivered a thrilling performance, captivating the audience with his athletic prowess and showmanship. Each move, each taunt was calculated to elicit a reaction, and I couldn't help but be drawn in by his magnetism.

With each passing match, our banter grew more heated, the flirtation more palpable. The lines between professional rivalry and personal attraction blurred, leaving me wondering if there was more to Heel Bret than met the eye.

As the final match approached, Heel Bret sauntered over to the commentary table, a confident smirk playing on his lips. "Y/n," he said, his voice low and husky, "this is it. The moment of truth. Will you finally admit that I am the most captivating performer in this ring?"

I looked into his eyes, seeing the fire and determination within them. "Bret," I replied, my voice filled with a mix of admiration and defiance, "you've certainly proven yourself tonight. But true greatness isn't just about captivating an audience; it's about leaving a lasting impact."

Heel Bret's smirk faded, replaced by a thoughtful expression. "You're right, Y/n," he said, his tone softer now. "There's more to being a performer than just grabbing attention. It's about connecting with people, making them feel something."

In that moment, the flirtatious banter fell away, and we shared a genuine understanding. Heel Bret had shown me a different side of himself, a vulnerability hidden behind the cocky persona.

The night ended with Heel Bret emerging victorious, the crowd on their feet, cheering for his triumph. As he made his way up the ramp, our eyes met one final time, and a knowing smile passed between us.

Though our paths may have seemed at odds, there was an unspoken bond rooted in our shared love for the world of professional wrestling. And who knows what the future held? Perhaps our paths would combine?

[drdemonprince]

I had a great time this afternoon but no matter how genuinely good I feel around people, I always feel exhausted afterwards. I am going to rest now but I really would love if I didn't feel like this every single time. I've been trying to do it for months and I feel good, happy for being around people I can talk with and spend a good time all around, and I cherish that time. I also know that good feeling is gonna help me feel better tomorrow, but tonight I just feel like I climbed a really big mountain. Do you think it's bad if I never stop feeling this tired after spending time around people?

It's not bad at all. I think it might be more productive for you to plan around it and treat it as a thing to expect rather than an outcome to avoid or a sign that you've done something wrong. People experience big drops from all kinds of lovely experiences -- after sex or kinky scenes, after conventions, after vacations, after a great date -- it's not only an Autistic experience and it's not a sign of a failure, but rather the body regulating itself after a peak of energy and connectedness. It's also one part of realizing just how much you enjoyed the experience and how much it meant to you. Returning to everyday life can feel like drudgery in comparison, and the stimulation of the moment might have been exhausting to process because it was so meaningful to you, or because you don't get that kind of closeness a lot. I'd encourage you to keep at it, budgeting in time for rest and recovery, and make a plan for how you will soothe any negative emotions you feel in addition to the exhaustion. I find that spending a lot of time with good people exhilarates me, but also drains me enough that I find old videos and videogames that sometimes bore me interesting again. Leaving the house makes returning home feel nicer than staying there, holding those two experiences in balance helps me cherish both things. You may also find that with practice you get less emotionally flooded by some of these experiences, which could be a great bonus if you do want to socialize even more, but it's fine if it never changes.

[fluffyzoey]

On “Perfect” Couples

If there’s one thing Estelle hates, it’s when she and Zoey fight

—————————————————————————

“Someone seems happy.” Zoey set down her bag, untying her green work apron. Estelle was sitting on a barstool at their kitchen counter, grinning and kicking her feet like a small child. It was nearly eight pm, and the sun was already creeping lower and lower in the sky. Now that Zoey was home from a double shift at Beanies, Estelle would finally get to enjoy her favorite time of day.

“Maybe just a little.” She admitted shyly. “Can you please change? I wanna cuddle.”

“Oh, that’s what you’re after.” Zoey rolled her eyes. “Clingy piece of shit.”

“Am not!” Estelle flies to her feet, swift and graceful, like a little bird. “You said we could cuddle tonight, you promised, Zoey, come on!” She grabbed onto Zoey’s arm, holding onto it tightly like a vine around a tree trunk. “Please?”

Zoey threw her off. “Not now. Go away, Estelle, I can’t do the baby talk. Don’t you have cats to feed or something?”

Clearly, work had not been pleasant. Estelle smiled lightly and this time tugged on Zoey’s hand.

“Come onnnnn, babe! Upstairs! Cuddle time!”

“Oh, a whiner, too?” Zoey’s fist clenched. “Listen, Estelle, it’s been a long fucking day and I cannot put up with you acting so fucking childish. Go to bed, I’m taking a shower.”

Estelle was stunned. They’d been dating for nearly a year and Zoey had never snapped at her for something so little. They’d had their arguments, their fair share of ups and downs, but with most of those, she knew she’d genuinely done something wrong. She was just trying to be sweet.

Zoey stormed off into the bathroom, leaving Estelle standing in the kitchen, crestfallen. The least she could do was head to bed, she supposed.

The rush of hot water hitting Zoey’s bare body was a relief. The stress and frustration of the day washed off her with ease as she breathed in the warm vapor. Her hair was fine without a wash, so she turned so her body was facing the shower, letting the droplets coat her chest and stomach. In all the pleasure of a nice wash, she almost forgot that she’d left her partner alone downstairs.

It wasn’t Zoey’s fault she snapped sometimes–the girl was 22 and basically running a coffee shop, for goodness’ sake! Estelle’s constant clinginess and relentless need for attention were a lot, especially for someone who wasn’t great at showing her emotions. Still, a pang of guilt hit her as she turned the water off and wrapped up in a towel. By the time she was fully dry, she was really feeling like shit about what she’d said. She threw on a soft t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants, before venturing down the hallway. She winced, her ears quickly met with the sound of Estelle’s gentle, controlled, yet very audible crying. She opened the door, stepping in with grace, but the moment she entered, Estelle turned away. 

“Baby…” Zoey reached out to her. Estelle crossed her arms, sucking back tears.

“Estelle, I’m sorry.” No reply. 

“Come on, Estelle, don’t be like that!” Nothing.

“Estelle?” Silence.

Zoey sighed. You really fucked up this time, haven’t you? She’s the only person who loves you because you’re you, not just because you’re sexy or have big boobs. And you make her feel like a worthless piece of garbage. Shameful. 

She lay down on the bed, landing on her side, eyes fluttering shut. Soon enough, though, the familiar feeling of Estelle nuzzling into her body made itself clear. She could sense Estelle’s breaths start to come slower and softer, relaxing against her.

“I’m sorry.”

“Mhm.”

“I love you.”

“Mhm.”

“Tired already?”

Silence. Zoey kissed her girlfriend on the top of her head, lips supple against the nest of ginger curls. 

[midnightkens]

i’m cold, alone

TW: Drug addiction, alcoholism, mentions of trauma, rehab, and being outed

—

Colt blinks blearily and rubs his eyes. It’s never quiet in the city, but this is as close as it’ll ever get. If he closes his eyes, he can just barely make out the crickets’ chirp, a song that reminds him of hot Florida summers, chlorinated water clinging to his hair and skin and playing Manhunt with his cousins. Nothing was simple, but he hadn’t a care in the world in those moments. He misses his cousins. They haven’t spoken in nearly twenty years, not since Mom outed him to the entire family.

Colt can’t help but laugh. He’s been in rehab, yet his bisexuality was the final straw for more than half of his family. How fucking fake.

The door creaks beside him, and he cracks an eye open to see his partner coming out to join him. He grins. Ken has a familiar tumbler in his hand, but does it matter? Does anything? No, not right now. He should care. He should be begging through gritted teeth for Ken to dump the wine, to stop drinking and come back to him. But everything is so calm and peaceful. Who is he to destroy it by starting an argument?

Ken sits beside him. Colt pulls him into his side and kisses the top of his head, and Ken sighs contentedly. He gestures toward the tumbler. “Where’s mine?”

Ken snorts. “Are you crazy? You can’t mix, babe.”

Colt waves a hand dismissively. “I’m fine. C’mon. I’ll just go get it myself.”

“No, you won’t.” Ken stiffens in his hold, and Colt frowns. He’s so angry, and for what? Doesn’t he know that he’s a hypocrite? “You bitch about the taste every time I give you a sip, and there isn’t any beer or tequila in the house. Nice try. Besides, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“Oh, like you’re not? You have a fucking twenty-ounce spritzer every night, and you don’t think you’re hurting yourself?”

“Never said I wasn’t,” Ken says with a shrug. “Don’t put words in my mouth. But you’re high as fuck.”

“I am not – “

“Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you can barely keep your eyes open.”

“I’m tired – “

“Don’t preach about me hurting myself when you’re sitting here acting like I’m stupid,” Ken hisses through gritted teeth. “How many painkillers have you had tonight?” Colt feels Ken’s icy glare, and he keeps his eyes focused on the sky. It isn’t that big of a deal. Ken has his vice; why isn’t Colt allowed his? Why is he getting criticized and judged when he’s been nothing but supportive? Ken’s been a fucking mess, and Colt understands, but he’s been holding it together for him for so long. Keeping himself and Ken afloat had been easy at first. He’d carried the weight of Ken’s trauma when Ken couldn’t. He’d completely crumbled, and Colt had been there to catch the fall. Colt misses his partner. He misses the genuine grins, how easily he’d laughed, how he’d serenade Colt with his guitar and make him feel like they were the only two who existed. Ken is a shell of the man he’d met all those months ago.

Colt misses him so much he could cry, but he can’t. The pills dilute everything; it’s almost like being outside of his body. He welcomes the floating, the complete emotional detachment. He wishes it were permanent. It’s so much easier to keep up the façade. His shoulders rest easily now that the weight is gone.

It’s not fair. Ken didn’t ask to be traumatized, and Colt promised to support him. Promises are easy to make in the moment, but Colt’s always been great at breaking them.

One pill. Just one to quell the stress and anxiety. Then two because one wasn’t working, then three so he and Ken could be stoned together and –

Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine this. A few months ago, he would have laughed at the idea of Ken and him getting drunk and high together in their house. That’ll never happen, he’d thought as he watched Ken sip on his drink, resisting the own itch under his skin, the desperation for the familiar high so strong he wants to claw off his own skin.

Now, here they are. High and drunk together, dancing the same waltz but always three steps behind the other.

They’ll wake up tomorrow and stare at each other from across the kitchen table. His mouth will be parched, head full of cotton, and Ken will reek of wine. Tomorrow they’ll vow that they’ll stop, vow to return to their normal lives and their relationship. Colt wonders what the point is.

They’ll stop when they’re ready.

But when will we both be ready?

[ifearimaybeanamericanidiot]

Spelling Video

Context: I love the spelling bee videos, but I always feel s bad because Chris and Matt seem genuinely upset and disappointed with themselves that they didn't get the word right at times. So, basically here's this. I'm going to write a Matt version in a little bit.

Summary: Chris is upset that he struggles with spelling so much. His partner is always there to cheer him up though.

Chris Sturniolo x reader

TW: self-hate/negative self-talk

*important note: Matt calls his gf 'cat/kitty' in this as a nickname. I hate y/n but I didn't want to use an actual name for the immersion. the gf's friend is refered to with bear, also a nickname. sorry if this is confusing :')*

"Chris, it's not that big of a fucking deal." Nick says, his voice coming off a bit harsher than what I know he meant.

"You don't get it! You're so good at spelling! It's just embarrassing when I try to do it." I let out a huff of a breath. I cross my arms.

"You're not great at spelling, so what? I get words wrong too, and so does Matt. You don't hear him complaining." Nick stops. "If you really don't want us to post the video, then we won't. We'll have to film something else though, and I can tell you're tired. The fans like these videos, but it's up to you." He puts a hand on my shoulder. He's right. I am tired. I really don't want to film anything else tonight.

"Fine." I give in. "I guess it's fine if we post the video."

"I'll edit out some of the really bad spelling errors." Nick says. I know he's trying to cheer me up, but it does next to nothing. I nod to let him know I heard him.

"Let's go watch something downstairs while Nick edits. Okay?" Matt slides his phone into his pocket. He was probably texting his girlfriend about the words he spelled right even though they were really hard. I agree and we head down to the living room.

Matt clicks on Spongebob, then switches it to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I know he's trying to cheer me up, and while it is hard to be sullen when that absolute banger of a theme song is playing, it doesn't make the bad feeling in my stomach go away. It's only pushed to the back of my mind.

I get closer to Matt, snuggling up against his side. We get through a couple episodes before he pauses it. "Why'd you stop it?" I frown.

"I asked a couple people to come over. They'll be here in a few. Are you sure you want to be snuggled up to me like this when they get here?"

"Huh? All our friends know that we're close like this? I don't see why it would make a big difference." Matt pauses before he responds to me.

"I invited my girlfriend over." I wait for him to continue. "And her friend." I continue waiting because I'm still not seeing the big deal here. Matt sighs. "The one that always teases you about everything." Also the one I have feelings for. I don't want her to see me like this.

"No. Why would you invite her? Seriously, Matt." My voice comes out all whiny and I turn away from him. He wraps an arm around me, looping under my arms; preventing me from moving away further.

"I was telling cat about the stupid spelling thing and she asked if her coming over would make me feel better and I said yes. She asked how you were doing and I told her you were upset. She said she had an idea but needed bear to come with for it to work." He pulls me against his side again in a sort of hug. "Just trust us, okay?"

"Fine. But if she makes it worse, you owe me McDonald's."

"Whatever you say, Chrissy." He gives me one last squeeze and removes his arm, but I don't move away from him.

"I'm not going to move." I say, crossing my arms.

"That's fine, I'll tell cat to let herself in." I nod, and we go back to watching the now unpaused episode. I guess I must have nodded off for a little while. Matt's girlfriend is here, sitting on his other side and the turtles have been replaced with Drake and Josh.

"Hey, why'd you turn off the turtles?" My voice is rough and my words are slurred together. I rub my eyes, trying to wake up the rest of the way.

"I told you not to turn them off. I told you two the second you turned them off he would wake up, didn't I?" Cat's friend says. She's sitting with my legs over her lap. "You woke up the baby."

I pull my legs away from her. "It's fine. I needed to get up anyway." I say defensively.

"Dude." Cat hisses at her friend.

"Shit. Chris that came out wrong. I'm sorry." Oh. Well, that's never happened before. Strange.

"It...it's okay." I stretch my legs back out, but don't put them over her lap.

"The new video is up." Matt tells me, poking my shoulder.

"Can we watch it?" Cat's friend, Bear asks. She's pretty and mean to me. Absolutely not.

"No." I deny her. Cat already has the remote though and is pulling it up on the TV. I look at Matt. He asked me to trust them. "Fine. I don't care." We start watching the video. I'm tripping over words and single letters. It's so fuckin embarrassing.

Finally, in the video, after like five minutes, I get one easy ass word right. "Chris! That was so good!" Bear says from near my feet, moving closer to me.

"No, it fucking wasn't." I'm not going to let her just lie to my face.

"Yes, it was. You did your best. Looked really cute doing it too." She grins at me. My face gets hot. Matt and Cat get up.

"We're going to go get something to drink." It's just me and Bear. Matt said to trust them. I'm okay. It's okay. I sit up in Matt's absence, facing Bear.

"I'm serious, you know. I think you did really good." She gets closer. "You can ask me to spell words, if it would make you feel better." I shake my head. "C'mon, ask me to spell something."

"Fine. Spell..." I think for a second. "Fuchsia." Her face scrunches up.

"Hmmm, fuchsia...I think it's like y-o-u-r-f-a-c-e. Is that correct?" My face gets hotter.

"Uh...not even close." What is she doing?

"Oh. How do you spell it then?"

"Um, f-u-c-h-s-i-a? I think. Something like that."

"Good job, Chris. You're so fucking smart." She reaches out, touching her hand to my face. "So handsome too." Suddenly, she lurches forward and kisses my nose. "Sorry. I had to. I've wanted to do that since we met."

"Uh, it's okay Bear-" I yawn. "Sorry, I'm still tired."

"It's okay. You can take another nap on my lap if you want." I must be really tired because I move my head to rest in her lap.

"Why'd you call me the baby earlier?" I blurt out.

"Honestly? That's just how I view you. You're the youngest and you're goofy and pretty needy at times. Mostly though, I'd like to be able to call you baby, or my baby. So, I said the baby instead."

"Oh." I bury my face against her stomach. "I think I'd like that." I let out another yawn.

She pushes my hair out of my face. "Just go to sleep baby." Matt was right. This is helping. "I'll be here when you wake up. Just relax and sleep, my baby." She coos a little bit and I am dragged into the darkness of sleep.

[mayajadewrites]

Levi Ackerman x Reader: Almost

Chapter Seven: Good Things

Chapter Summary: We got some more knowledge about reader and her past, and how she deals with relationships.

I'm gonna testing writing in a first person instead, writing "you" is starting to give me the ick LOL. Let me know what you think! It's still LEVI ACKERMAN X READER.

"I should get going." I stand up from the couch, the aftermath of the euphoria you just experienced taking up the space in my mind.

"If you want to." Levi didn't protest, wiping his lip with his thumb. "I'll drive you."

My legs were still shaking from Levi devouring your pussy, so you walked behind him so he couldn't see the embarrassment.

A man has never made me cum before. This man's dick has not even been inside me and he made me cum with his mouth and fingers. So many feelings swirled my thoughts, the first instinct I feel is to run.

My father is not the best example on what a man should be. He cheated on your mother multiple times, and he always told her he would change. Change never came.

He left when I were 14.

I witnessed my mother's heartbreak as she got rid of his things in my home, one by one.

"Why wasn't I enough?" I would hear your mom on the phone with her sister, gasping for air. "I gave that man a child, my entire life, and he threw it away like it didn't matter."

That conversation is burned into my brain.

People leave. Men leave. I know this.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Levi turned around, pushing a piece of hair behind my ear. "You're never this quiet."

"I'm just tired." I briefly look into his eyes, leaning my cheek into his palm.

Levi accepted this answer and helped me into the car, studying my movements.

The car ride home was silent, but my mind was loud.

I don't deserve this.

He's gonna leave like your father did.

He doesn't want me.

Levi pulls up to my apartment, analyzing my face. He knows something is up, but he doesn't want to pry just yet.

"Thank you, I had a great time tonight." I look up into his eyes, feeling a genuine grin form on your face. Levi returned my grin with a slight smile, kissing my lips briefly.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He whispered, kissing my lips twice more.

I walk into your apartment and look back once to see Levi leaning against the Range Rover, with a half smirk on his face. I didn't have the energy to make a bratty remark, so I locked the door and listened to the sound of his car leaving.

I've never been able to regulate your emotions and address your trauma. I definitely have undiagnosed anxiety, depression, and possibly more.

To be fair, I've never had to address it. I've never felt this way about anyone. The reason I've only fucked men and not had feelings after the fact is because I wouldn't let myself. I am petrified of becoming your mother.

Levi doesn't deserve a woman like that. He's successful, wealthy, has women pining after him everywhere he goes.

What's so special about me?

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

Bzzzzz.

Levi: Sweet dreams.

Me: Goodnight Mr. Ackerman.

Levi: Brat.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

The next day I get up for your 6 AM shift, unsure if I'm ready to see Nina again after my drunken escapades. Nina is very understanding, but she likes to be... well, dramatic.

"Good morning sunshine!" Nina wrapped her apron around her waist. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine." I grab your apron off of the hook. "How are you?"

"I'm good! Ready for the day!" Nina smiled, clapping her hands together. "How was your morning after with Levi?"

"Morning after he took care of me and made sure I didn't throw up in my sleep, suffocate and die? It was good."

"Yikes, let me shut my big ass mouth." Nina giggled, leaving the back room.

The smell of coffee grounds lifted my spirits, temporarily helping me forget about all my feelings.

☕︎⋆˙⟡♡☕

I was on bar today, making everyones drink. The café was booming with people - students, blue collar workers, and everyone in between.

"Good morning, beautiful." A deep voice interrupted my thoughts. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as my eyes met his.

"Good morning Levi." I smile, brewing his black tea. "How's your day looking today?"

"It's better now." He grabbed the cup from me, taking a sip immediately. "It would've been better if I woke up next to you, too."

A blush caressed my face as I shook my head. "I don't think you want to see me every morning as soon as I wake up. Sometimes my mouth is hanging open, I'm drooling -"

"Funny you think you weren't doing that the other night." Levi chuckled, his eyes scanning your face. "You don't look like you slept well."

Must be the bags under my eyes.

"You're so observant." I roll my eyes, beginning another coffee order. "I didn't really."

"I have to take this-" Levi held his phone in the air. "I'll talk to you soon. Have a good day, please."

"You too." I wave goodbye as Levi exits the café. I already missed him, but my anxiety subsided for a bit.

He can find someone better than I could ever be.

He probably wants a woman that can function every day, not like me who has to take depression days.

He wants a woman who's more fit than I am.

The negative thoughts spilled into my mind, taking over my positive ones. Negative self-talk is something I constantly suffer with - I seem to be my biggest hater.

I always ruin good things.