#A smol before bed because this was too fitting sobs sobs

[nxthingmxtters]

What color is your aura?

Blush

Lollipops, warm cheeks, lip gloss, flowers, flamingo feathers, painted nails, heart glasses. Your essence is blush: you are outspoken and protect your heart by never offering an apology. You seize your desires; there is a particularity to your passions, and not many are privy to your reasonings. You are protective and extend your heart in a way you will never accept in return. You are the trend-setter. You are the defiant. You find kinship in like-minded individuals of crimson, red, tawny, and coral, who share your aspirational intensity. You are also drawn to the honest souls lilac and cream, who will help you grow and realize you are not always under critique. However, you may struggle to get along with the internal personalities of sky and beige who are too self-effacing.

Tagged byStolen from: @lctibule (♡) Tagging: @frostise, @paradoxbatmd, @question-marked, @smilingmxsk, @violetsparkk and anybody else who'd like to do this?

[lazycheesecakeee]

Stray kids as love languages

Ok so I started thinking and that’s never good and somehow this got CHUNKY AF :))) But I hope you enjoy reading my messy thoughts about skz expressing love :)

Bang Chan

Giving: Gifts/Words of affirmation

Yeah SO… we all know how he always seems to always give the closest people to him, like everything, including the moon and a fucking rocket to the moon as well, and build it too, that before he gets anything at all? He is definitely a giver. He buys food, drinks, anything.

Anything you would accomplish, no matter how small would be an excuse for him to go out and buy you a meal and while you are there, if you only happen to glance at something twice, you already have it? Yeah you might feel bad and try to pay or say “stop giving me things all the time” but he would not stop and he would buy you the thing and shower you with praises for how well you did, even if you think it is not such a big deal.

You have a normal day when nothing happened? You go to the store together, he pays. He comes to visit you randomly. On the way he buys a flower and a random chocolate or a drink because he remembers somehow that you said you wanted to try it like 3 months ago. And the list never ends. He has a good sense for what people want too. So if you are close to him he gives you EVERYTHING. Showers of praises and all of his fucking money :)))) BOY HAS NO LIMITS.

Receiving: words of affirmation

Listennnn, as much as he gives and never stops, like NEVER. (Take his credit card away lmaoooo), when you acknowledge his little appreciations and thank him sweetly or give him a hug to let him know you are grateful, he gets immense satisfaction. I feel like he is the one to give but if he feels like he is used in the slightest he definetly cuts the rope short real FUCKING FAST.

I feel like he def is SUCH a sucker for appreciation and words of affirmation AND COMPLIMETS. He wants to feel needed and like his efforts are worth it. And giving him the verbal queue that his efforts don’t go unnoticed, that despite his busy schedule you appreciate the time with him, that his hard work and struggles to be the best are worth it, that the nights in the studio are fruitful and he is doing a good job, THAT would really make his entire day and his anxieties dissipate. Let him know he is wanted. Poor baby someone give him a sleep schedule too and some melatonin :)))))

Lee Know/Minho

Giving: Acts of service

He def strikes as one weird cranky, moody, annoying bitch with his behaviour but if you pay closer attention he is actually so observant and thoughtful/caring. He seems like you would not want to go to him for things but I actually think that if you take the time and grow close to him he is one of the most caring and protective people tbh.

Like it’s in his nature to pay attention to what close ones are doing, their schedules, interests and habits. He is the kind of person to never purposefully say or make a fuss out of doing something but somehow he knows you need something or you want something. And he buys the thing and puts it in the fridge. Or changes the sheets because he feels you are too sad and unmotivated and that would be good. Or buys something definitely because “he wanted it” but gets more, and a side of the thing you like a lot, because “it was there”, definitely not because he thought of you and that it would bring you joy. Or he would like pick a prescription for you or refill your water bottle before leaving or tell you to bring band-aids because you complained those shoes hurt you. Or tell me this boy would not chop the onions for the pasta sauce so you don’t ruin your mascara (I am not sobbing you are).  And he somehow fits himself in and things add up so well and your life is so much easier despite him claiming he „did nothing”.

Receiving: Words of affirmation

Although it doesn’t seem like it, something tells me it’s true. I read on an internet thing that people that seem cold and don’t want/seem to have the need for verbal affirmation and validation from strangers get actually more satisfaction from it than people who say it explicitly.

He also def strikes me like he was raised to be tough, to recover fast, to not be a cry baby and just get up and do the job, suck it up, be strong and independent. A little bit of trust issues into the mix as well ☹ You can actually kinda see a sort of anxious behaviour type of thing in him. So I feel like if you actually grow closer to him (ahem Jisung), acknowledging his efforts and how he makes your life easier, THAT would bring out the asshole being like “oh really? Hm interesting you think I do so much for you huh?” but he actually does thooo and you saying it would bring him like so much joy and make his heart happy.

Like each time you give him a compliment TM he would act like “yeah I know” or act disgusted but high key it soothes his spirit and ego when you say such things. He just loooves to hear how much you loved something he cooked or how attractive he was while dancing or how he was really thoughtful, and you appreciate it sm. He seems to have the nature to give, and he seems to expect to go unnoticed but when and if you do acknowledge his heart is actually swooning over it.

Changbin

Giving: Physical touch/Gifts

I think he would be the type to bring weird things to you for no reason along with 1000 kisses and a hug that is a bit too tight you know? Like his mind gets occupied with you if you are close.

And like he saw this weird card at the store or a little figurine or something which has a weird patters and he thought “Hm they must see this. They would like this strange ass thing I bought which was overpriced”. And when he gives you the thing you give like an odd smile and in your eyes is a „love you but wtf is this” and he would take your hands and look down and kiss them and say “I don’t know i thought you might like it?” And you would tease each other and he would start doing ayego and get really shy and just hug you again and place his head in your neck to avoid the eye contact, then lift you up and spin you and from there you have no chances of escaping the embrace TM.

Receiving: Physical touch

I feel like he would be a sucker for physical touch as your love language as well. If you reciprocate hugs, kisses and stuff. You know he seems like the kind to find comfort in holding you for no reason, like a hand on the knee or on your waist and if you two are comfy and give him little pets, stroke his hair, place your hand on his shoulder or biceps or take his hand with both yours or grab his middle randomly, he would swoon. Also you clinging to him and letting him cling to you I think is like thing he wishes for most tbh:) I feel like he feels safety and love by holding onto you and you onto him like he can protect you. He would like to know you trust him with that, ya know? Like he is a strong bitch ready to fight anyone coming at you and can protect you but is also your smol koala child which you can never escape.

Hyunjin

Giving: physical touch

Now this might seem weird to you BUT. He seems like he touches people out of nowhere sometimes and kinda clings. Not like all the time but enough. Like he likes being really close to you if he is close to you, you know?. He would be all up in your face with his weird ass mannerisms and humour but if they are reciprocated and he feels safe and good around you he naturally starts to cling if that makes sense? Like in a way a sort of telling others: “mine, you cannot have them before me” but also in the sense that you know he would do anything for you if you ask in those instances. Like YO, you have me, soul and body next to you, I am here :)))

Like he doesn’t seem like the type to buy things a lot (cheap ass I see you :)))) although he would sometimes) But he makes up by being there and encouraging you despite not knowing how to act or what to say all the time, he lets you know you can count on him and he is there. I feel like his touch expresses appreciation.

Receiving: words of affirmation/quality time

He strikes me as attention demanding lmao:)) OH I am yours pay attention to me I am your baby I require love and affection, undivided.

So if you make time to have lunch with him or have conversations before bed in peace (my dude seems like his thoughts overwhelm him all the time and honestly same :/ it’s kinda yikes tbh), or watch a movie/tv show, or just be in his presence when he is both excited or down, and listen to him rant and give him solutions or rant with him about random subjects and jumping around between them subjects, you would get all the uwus and he would probably be ready to dedicate his entire existence to your well being and desires.

He is just like that, a dramatic ass with overly changing emotions who wants a good connection, like a genuine one, where hours go by and someone truly understands him and things flow, ya know? (seems like the type to believe in fate type of love, which I find interesting)

Han Jisung

Giving: Physical touch/ Words of affirmation

He seems really touchyyyyy TM. But like in the way that shows physical affection because he seems a little insecure? That is kinda what he strikes me as. Like he wants to hold you. He wants to show you have him. He wants to be appreciated :( my child (and bias) help me I am sobbing:))) and he wants to make sure you know he appreciates you just as much.

Like he would hold your hand, hug you a lot or place random kisses and linger in those places? An he would compliment you and tell you your work is amazing and that he is proud and he would make lots of idiotic jokes to cheer you up, no matter the mood (we stan crackhead humour in this household) and he would tell you the most random shit he likes about you. Like “I like your socks” or “you changed your bag” or “the perfume is oddly floral just like your shirt and I like it”.

And he would make random short freestyle raps (kill me now I am in too deep) about you or a random thing you are doing. And he would just linger around you when you are busy and can’t give him attention. He wants to show trust and love through little gestures and trusts you to see them as a sign of his love because you make him happy and all.

Receiving: ALSO Physical touch/words of affirmation idk

I feel like he would like physical touch back? Like he would be fine if you didn’t like it, but like since he is like anxious and (to me) seems like a little overly aware of his “flaws and deficiencies”, he would like to know he has your “hold”. Like some sort of security type of thing.

Like small gestures, your hand on him, a little kiss, a hug, a squish :))), a little grip of reassurance and a nod of “you are doing good”. I think he would be a sucker for that. And also despite him lowkey rejecting your compliments like “yeah I know I am the best”, giving it to him would boost his self-esteem a lot, as I think he has many insecurities and quite a few complexes that are hard to express for him. So that, along with your touch and words to reassure him, he would love and get the idea that you want him close too, that he’s desired enough for you to seek his love, something like “you my dude are seen and loved for who you are”.

Felix

Giving: Giving gifts/Physical touch

He is defiantly a giver. He literally seems like he is so thoughtful and cares so much. Like we all know how his fellow members said he is great at gifts. Well duh. I feel like his gifts are not always big but like a small food or drink he brings because he knows you always love it, a flower he saw in the front of a flower shop he thought was pretty. Something you said you needed (or you didn’t say) but he knows you do need it because he just pays that much attention. A pendant necklace. A ring. A small ice-cream because the day is hot so why not. A donut that had flower sprinkles because you like to post aesthetic foods and so on. You name it. They would not be obnoxious, but it would sure show how much you are occupying his thoughts.

We also always know how he is attached to the hip to the people he is close to and he loves skinship. He said he loves back hugs, hugs, kisses he wants it all:)) So he gives plenty of cuddles for sure. You can never escape the octupus arms as you go to sleep each night, so might as well set up the air conditioning in your house as it’s about to get warm but affection and love above all, right? :)))))))

Receiving: Words of affirmation/Physical touch

I think he thrives if you return his little ministrations of affection. Does it matter? A hug, a kiss, holding him, a little massage, hand size comparison, throwing yourself on top of him on the couch or the bed at the end of the day. He LOVES it. You are also competing with Chan lol but no worries, he has plenty affections for all:))

Also I think he needs reassurance and a sense that people that are closest are proud of what he is doing(wipe your tears bitch). So I think acknowledging his hard work and the fact that he pulls through despite certain mental heath problems and telling him he does an amazing job and complementing his work would definitely mean a lot to him.

But give the boy your affection, A VerY tOucHy BoI. It makes his heart swell with joy knowing you pull him close and feel so much love for him that you don’t hold back from giving. Be an octopus with him tambien😊

Seungmin

Giving: Acts of service

Another one for acts of service. Our smol good boi which somehow does not seem smol at all because he exudes maturity and rationality lmao.

He would be such a servant if he loves you. AND YOU WOULD NOT EVEN NOTICE at first. Like I feel like he does stuff in a way similar to Minho where he makes sure your life is as easy as can be. Like puts your shoes out of the way, checks the weather so you don’t leave dressed inappropriately (forces you to take the puffier jacket despite it not going with your outfit, because “do you want to catch a cold, hm?”), gives you an umbrella. Fixes a random necklace which you broke by accident because he knows it will sit there for like 3 years if it’s in your care, and you like the necklace 😊. Makes sure you eat something healthy too(would definitely bring you washed and cut-up fruits after going out to eat at mcdonalds). And he for sure does not expect you to really notice, but if you do he is getting flustered and runs out the room with a big smile😊 what a baby tm.

Receiving: Acts pf service

I feel like he would appreciate most if you also took time out of your day to ease his life too. I feel like he would feel such relief and happiness and his heart would swell with affection and appreciation if you took on one of his (no matter how insignificant) tasks. Like he would be in a rush to leave and you woke up earlier before work to make him a coffee. Or when he comes home late you already put his clothes on the bed and prepared a bath. Or getting up and asking for extra napkins if he was not given any, or simply asking how can you make his day better. I feel like being helpful and listening and paying close attention to him would be what makes him happiest.

I.N./Jeongin:

Giving: Quality time/Gifts

He gets awkward when he tries to express feelings with words and is def not the most fond of skinship. However, I think if you were close he would be an amazing listener and sit with you and you could both share and grow together so much. He would give you the feeling he is ready to listen and be with you if you need him. 

That and also I feel like when you are out and about it makes him feel good to know he can buy you things you can enjoy, and you are appreciative of them and he has that power to brighten your day and be a mature adult by buying you things, despite not really needing them sometimes.

Receiving: Quality time/Words

You know how he struggled a bit with the dancing at first and you know how the other members say that he does nothing when someone criticizes him, he just goes out of his way to fix his “mistakes”? And also in Vlive when he said he doesn’t like to watch his own fancams because all he sees are his mistakes? My baby seems to have a bit (quite some) of an imposter syndrome and since he is young and everyone teases him, although with love, I feel like it gets a bit uncomfortable and tough. He seems he just wants to keep up, and be the best at what he does but it gets tough when you have to catch up with people who have been doing the thing for many more years than you and you are struggling with your feelings and figuring things out as you grow within a demanding contract. So I think someone to listen to his worries and give him undivided attention without judgement and put in their input without being intrusive would be the most amazing thing to him. That, along with compliments and acknowledgement of his efforts, telling him that he is doing GOOD and you are proud (although he might think that you are just saying it, since he seems to only see ways he needs to improve) would be good at raising his self esteem and encourage him to continue with his hard efforts.

[haechanniesunflowers]

Stray kids reaction to you being distant all of a sudden

Guys I did it, I wrote another :D

Warning: derogatory words, depression, anxiety

Bang Chan

It started happening after you appeared on Chan's room as a guest. Chan announced his relationship to the public and stays practically begged him to invite you to an episode of Chan's room. He convinced you that it will be fun.

You guys were having a good time, he made you feel comfortable and told stays how much you mean to him. You were reading comments, all saying how pretty you are and how you two look so good together. There was one in particular that caught your attention and made you shut down. You tried your best to keep your cool for Chan's sake and ended the live in a cute way.

You avoided him for a week, and Chan decided to phone call you on the next episode which you didn't answer. He felt something wasn't right because you shouldn't be busy at that time so he came over to your place after the live.

"is something the matter? Are you feeling okay?" he asks.

"yes Chris. Why though?" you say.

"I don't know, I guess I can feel your energy. You're sad" he says. You love this about him. How he can just sense your mood even when you perfectly hide your feelings.

"it's just a comment that bugged me, someone called me an 'attention seeking fat whore' and I let it get to me"

Chan looked visibly upset.

"I'm sorry you had to read that. They don't know what they're saying and aren't educated enough. You're perfect and I couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend" he says as he holds you in his arms.

Lee Know

You didn't realize that you had a scowl on the entire time Minho's performance was on. He had a dance stage with a very hot female dancer and you couldn't help but be jealous of the way he held her waist, how he easily lifted her and the way his hips moved against her. The sultry eye contact and her lips ghosting on your boyfriend's made you feel so jealous and uneasy you could have ripped your scalp off. Your voice of reason kept telling you it meant nothing and it was just a dance performance for his fans but your inner bitch said no sis he looks good with her and he deffo gon leave you for her so you being you, listened to the inner bitch and made the genius decision of not talking to him anymore yay.

The fact that he didn't notice your silent treatment because he was just so busy with practice and schedules, added fuel to the fire and even your inner bitch was like hey stop assuming things it was only funny the first time but no. Minho came to see you during a break between practice because it had been some time and he missed you a lot. He unlocked the door and walked in quietly wanting to surprise you and found you laying in bed crying.

"what's wrong why're you crying" he says softly, scaring you in the process and you scream.

"what're you doing here?!?!" you yell out trying to catch your breath. He slowly reaches for your hand but you pull it away and cover your face with the blanket.

"tell me what's wrong" he coos making you cry harder. He pulls you into his lap and hums a song rocking you back and forth until you calm down.

"I thought you left me for that girl you danced with" you mumble. He internally face palms. "I saw your performance and you two looked so good together and then you didn't contact me so I assumed it was over" you look at him with teary puppy eyes. After he reassured your that it was indeed just a performance and he wasn't going to leave your for another woman you were back to normal and it was time for him to go but he wasn't going to leave without teasing you.

"so you were jealous ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)"

Changbin

You haven't been replying to his phone calls or texts and he was getting worried. He knew you struggled sometimes but you always told him about it. And he didn't know what was up this time so his mind was making up scenarios. He didn't have time to see you because he was booked and busy and couldn't ask anyone to check up on you either. So after he was done with his schedule, and it was time to head to the dorm to sleep because the boys were dead tired, he compromised on his sleep just to see you. Isn't he the sweetest.

He knocked on your door but you didn't answer. After waiting for some time he couldn't wait anymore. Checking if the coast was clear, he took a pin out and picked your lock (he knows how to pick a lock guys okay)

He got in and went straight to your bedroom and saw you covered in blankets with the lights off.

"y/n?" he called softly, not wanting to startle you. You were expecting him sooner or later so it wasn't much of a shock.

He noticed you had become thinner and you looked tired. Knowing something triggered your depression, he came to sit next to you and hugged you. He understood you and that you needed space.

"you're so strong y/n, you will get through this" he says quietly.

You hug him back, nuzzling your face in his chest.

"I was worried, make sure to text me always okay?" he says and goes to sleep with you.

Hyunjin

You aren't the type to get jealous easily. You're pretty confident about your looks and your style so you knew Hyunjin had the best, you queen.

So please explain what you're feeling when you see an episode of stray kids reality show with another girl group as a guest, particularly Hyunjin getting along way too well with the pretty girl with purple hair, Hyeri. She's making him laugh and to top it off, the two of them reveal that they were class fellows in high school and were pretty tight.

Umm he never told you that. Why didn't he ever tell you that? Does he have something to hide? They still look pretty close.

You never learnt how to contain your jealousy so your brain automatically shuts out the source of it to protect you. He calls you but you're not picking up, "hmm maybe she's busy with her university work" he thinks and leaves it at that. You'll call him when you're free. But you don't, it's been over 2 weeks. No phone calls, no texts, nothing. He texts you asking if you're up for a lunch date but you don't reply so he goes to your place to check if everything's okay. Your flatmate let's him in and tells him you're in your room. To his disappointment, you're on your bed, using your phone.

"hey, why aren't you replying to my texts or answering the phone? Is everything okay?" he asks casually.

"oh, hey" you reply dryly, turning your attention back to your phone.

"okay... so are you up for lunch?"

"hmm? oh no I have plans with Jeno".

"Jeno? Lee Jeno? why? you know him and I don't get along well. Why're you suddenly hanging out with him?"

revenge is sweet you think.

"so? you don't get along with him. I happen to like him, he's really sweet and funny".

Hyunjin's catching on a little.

"yeah but you never really hung out with him before and I'm your boyfriend so I don't get why you're finding him sweet and funny out of the blue" he says.

"sounds like a you problem. I didn't complain about you being close to Hyeri, why're you getting jealous?"

click click click everything's making sense now.

"I see, you're jealous babe" he says licking his lips, eyes dark and voice deep. Damn you think he's hot.

He kisses you, it's deep and needy. This goes on for 2 minutes before he pulls away and gets up to leave. You're laying on the bed, out of breath and confused.

"I'll have lunch with Hyeri. Have fun with Jeno babe" he says before leaving.

He beat you at your own game sis I'm so sorry.

Han

Jisung loves you too much, always takes care of you and makes you happy. You're both obsessed with each other in a healthy way. You complete each other, the perfect match. Sometimes it was too much for you and you fell into the hole of self hate. You couldn't help but think what Jisung saw in you.

It was one of those times, and unlike other times, you weren't able to control yourself. You completely shut him out, blocked him from everywhere and his members too, making sure he couldn't contact you in any way. You would tell your roommate to say that you weren't home whenever he came to see you. You were hurt by your thoughts and it was hurting him too. He was so concerned, maybe I did something wrong he thought.

Your roommate answered the door and Han asked about you. "she's not home today either, sorry", she says apologetically.

"I'll wait for her" he pleaded.

"that's not a good idea, I don't know when she'll be back" she lied. But Han insisted so she had no choice but to let him in. She made him sit in the lounge while taking out her phone to text you not to come out of your room but she was too late. Here you were, asking her "what did he say" and immediately spotting him on the sofa. He's gotten thinner.

"y/n..." he said in a broken voice. Your roommate takes her cue to leave and apologizes to him for lying.

You didn't know what to say to him because you couldn't explain what was going on inside your head.

"do you hate me?" he asks looking sad.

You sit next to him and embrace him, just wanting him to be close.

"you know I love you" you say.

"then why?" he asks.

"it's me Hannie. It's not you. I can't fight it. I keep thinking I'm not enough for you" you say between sobs. He cries with you because he doesn't understand why you don't see how perfect you are.

Felix

He was preparing for a comeback so he couldn't see you often. You two decide to take a break and come back once he was done with promotions, it's what you always did so you won't demand attention and once you guys were free, you had each other. He's your safe place, you're his softest smol baby.

You supported Stray Kids but weren't exactly a fan so you didn't keep up with their promotions, hence you didn't know they were going for a dark concept this time. Felix and the boys dyed their hair and changed the makeup and wardrobe to fit the concept.

Overwhelmed. That's what you'd use to describe your state when you saw him on TV. Everything from his hair, his visuals and his clothes made you overwhelmed. He's just so beautiful and looked different.

It's not his fault at all but you hate the image you see in the mirror. Are you jealous of him? No. You're envious.

"he can own everything. Pull off everything. I can't do it" you say letting tears spill down your face.

When his promotions were over, he came to meet you but you were not ready to get back together. You were determined to change for him, for you. He was confused and hurt. Why did you need to change. But he would support you and wait for you.

Guys I'm not satisfied with Felix's part either, I'm going into a dark place mentally and I can't be happy with anything so please don't be disappointed. I still want to write because tumblr is my happy place.

Seungmin

He introduced you to his parents. They're really nice and loving people and welcomed you with open arms.

"our Seungminnie is in good hands" his mother says complementing you.

You say thank you and shy away behind his arm. Everyone swoons over how cute you are. But you think you messed up. Maybe you were being too weird and didn't leave a good enough impression.

You didn't want any kind of reassurance from him because you think it'll make you seem pathetic so you subconsciously start to distance yourself from him. He'd call you over when the members are out or asleep at the dorms but you'd decline. You wouldn't sit next to him when he'd come over and just spend your time in the kitchen or on your phone. He understood you and knew something was going on. You're at your terrace, letting the cold autumn air tingle your skin when he walks over to you.

"y/n? Is there something you want to talk about?" he says.

"why? what makes you think anything is wrong? I'm completely fine" you reply. You're over explaining, now he's 100% sure something is wrong.

He comes closer to you and holds your hand. "tell me. You know you can talk to me about anything" he says calmly.

After much hesitation you finally tell him "I think I was being stupid at your parents' house, they must think I'm weird" you say looking embarrassed.

"I'm sorry you thought about that. The truth is, my parents loved having you over. My mom wouldn't stop taking about how cute and beautiful you are after you left" he says, grinning.

"really?"

"yeah she wants me to marry you"

Your eyes go wide "she does?"

"yes" he says getting on one knee and opening the small box in his hand. "y/n you make me the happiest, and I've never felt more complete. Will you marry me?"

"yes Seungmin"

Jeongin

You've been warned by his manager to stay away from him because JYP thinks you're bringing him down. He sometimes is late for practice and isn't paying much attention to the choreographer. You argue with the manager at first but he explains how dangerous it is for IN's career. You love him but you don't want to get in the way y of his dreams. He wanted to be a singer and worked way too hard to get where he is today. You aren't just going to let all that go to waste. So you comply and little by little start distancing yourself all the while keeping it cool because none of this is his fault and you can't hurt him.

He doesn't notice, at all. Until one day he starts to wonder why he's second guessing over sending you a text to ask about your day. Things weren't like this between you two. How did this happen?

He texts you and you send a late reply. He can't stop thinking about how things have changed between you two so he personally goes to talk to you.

He's in your apartment and the air is thick and awkward.

"how are you Jeongin" you ask casually.

"I'm okay. Are you okay?"

"yes" you answer simply.

He can't seem to get comfortable with you like he used to be and can't get you to do the same.

The encounter he had with you made him realize that you two aren't in a relationship any more and you've been treating him like a friend for some time now. He can't do anything about it because he can't get you to talk. And you weren't gonna name his manager.

He has no choice but to accept the way things are.

[wonderland-in-bloom]

the perfect match?

[epel felmier x tiger!fem!reader]

anon asked: Hey hey! Can I request a oneshot of Epel x savanaclaw!tiger!fem!reader? I think it’s so cute how Epel wants to join Savanaclaw but can’t. So why not give him a s/o or cute reader from Savanaclaw? The reaction from both dorm leaders would be hilarious! XD

of course you can anon! i love how epel looks so soft, smol and innocent but he’s actually very contradictory on how he looks lolol and yes i agree with u anon how its so cute how he wants to be in savanclaw, but sikeeee

♡

“EXCUSE ME?!” two screams echoed throughout the halls of two separate dorms. students in each respective dormitory jumped and stopped whatever they were doing. scene one took place in the pomefiore dormitory. rook hunt bursted into the room as vil was admiring himself in the mirror before screaming, “EPEL AND (Y/N) ARE DATING!” vil’s eyes widened as he felt the mirror before him crack. both the pomefiore dorm leader and his vice were beyond shocked. “EPEL?! DATING THAT SAVANACLAW GIRL?!” he shrieked, voice echoing down the halls. vil felt like he could’ve fainted due to shock. this was not expected. not at all. 

“EPEL FELMIER!” he banged the door to epel’s room. this caused epel to wrongly carve the apple he held in his hand and caused his masterpiece to be ruined. “what do you want?” he scowled. vil tapped his foot on the floor whilst crossing his arms as rook stood behind him. “someone told me that you’re dating (y/n) (l/n) from savanaclaw.” epel rolled his eyes and turned around to make his back face vil. “yeah, so what?” vil furrowed his eyebrows but chuckled in a slightly scary manner. “so what? so what?! excuse me, she’s from savanaclaw.” epel rolled his eyes once more, while he desperately tried to just blocked out all the words coming from vil’s mouth. “they are dirty, rough, agressive...and not fit for someone like us here.” rook really wanted to break the awkward tension in the air, but that didn’t seem to work as epel already retorted vil’s comments. “well i don’t really care about that. besides what’s wrong with being a bit like savanaclaw sometimes.” vil’s jaw dropped and he felt like fainting. rook was now just wondering how he can get this whole situation to stop. 

meanwhile scene two took place in the savanaclaw dormitory.

leona lounged around on his bed whilst ruggie cleaned up the mess leona called his room. “there’s nothing interesting going on nowadays huh?” ruggie sighed. “let’s keep it that way.” not even a second after that sentence exited leona’s mouth, jack walked inside the room. “hey senpai, is it true that (y/n) and that pomefiore boy dating? what was his name..?....epel?” leona and ruggie laughed and brushed it off at first. however it seemed as if their brains processed the information coming from jack at the same time. “...EXCUSE ME?!” leona shouted. “WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” ruggie followed. jack was baffled to see the two on their feet and jumping from leona’s balcony. “WHERE’S (Y/N)?!” the two started running around from left to right, trying to find their precious kouhai. meanwhile jack was still in leona’s room, staring at them with confusion. he thought that they were like overprotective parents protecting their only daughter. it was slightly entertaining so he didn’t really mind. “(Y/N)!!!” you basically fell off from your bed as leona and ruggie kicked your door down. “oh my god! what?!” you screamed back after you groaned in pain from falling from your bed. “YOU’RE DATING THAT EPEL BOY FROM POMEFIORE?!”

“ya..?” leona facepalmed while ruggie pretended to sob. “there is no way you’re dating someone from pomefiore.” leona shot at you. “with all due respect senpai, there’s no rule here that says i can’t date someone else from a different dorm.” leona sighed and sat beside you on your bed. “true. no rules. but as your dorm leader, i forbid you to date him.” you squinted your eyes, starting to get annoyed. “but why?” leona rolled his eyes. “he’s a pomefiore. pomefiore means big trouble.” you were now beyond pissed. leona didn’t like pomefiore, probably because he didn’t like vil. “this is because of prefect vil right?” you growled. “jeez how dense are you, (y/n)? they’re all so proper, well-dressed. all they talk about is make-up, hair, bla bla bla.” ruggie sighed as he watched you two bicker. “i don’t really think that matters, senpai. besides epel is not like the other pomefiore boys, and he’s...well...different.” you talked while smiling. leona saw your expression while talking. “besides...all that matters is that...i love him.” oh you were in love. deeply in love. “it’s true that he’s from the prissy pomefiore, but well...as long as she’s happy. right leona-san?” 

ruggie grinned from ear to ear. he didn’t agree either that you’re dating someone from pomefiore, but well, being the stubborn, hot-headed tiger (literally) you were, ruggie couldn’t do anything to stop you. ruggie patted your head. “well, let’s just hope everything works out now.” leona shot a dirty look at ruggie. he didn’t approve of this, but again, what could he do? “just make sure you don’t do anything stupid, got it?” leona snapped. you giggled. giggled? your action made the two of them exchange confused looks with one another. “okay mom. okay dad.” they both froze. but really that whole scene did remind you of how a father would be so overprotective of his daughter and not really support whoever his daughter dates, and the mother would be there to just try and support you. “what?!” they both screamed. “leona-senpai’s my dad. ruggie-senpai’s my mom.” you snickered. “ME?! A MOTHER?! AND WITH HIM?! BULLSHIT.” the two continued to argue with one another, while you just sat there chuckling. you glanced at the clock hanging on your wall and saw the time. 4 pm. 

it was the time you were supposed to meet him. with them arguing, you sneaked out of your own room and made a run for it to go meet epel at the school courtyards. “(y/n)!” he beamed once he saw you walking towards the bench he was sitting on. “hi!” you cheered and plopped down beside you. you two continued to talk about different things. from your day, classes, and other things. however he brought up a topic which was quite interesting. “vil-senpai and rook-senpai knows about us.” you brushed it off. “it’s fine i guess. leona-senpai and ruggie-senpai knows about us too.” epel reached down and grabbed your hand. “is it...alright though?” you chuckled. “of course. so what if we’re from different dorms? so what if the dorm leaders hate each other. at least we’re happy, right?” you smiled. epel reciprocated that smile. “hm i guess so!” you stood up enthusiastically, ears twitching and tail slightly swaying from left to right. “besides, we’re like forbidden lovers! like a typical story ya know!” 

epel laughed once he saw how happy you were. he found this adorable. yes of course, like a typical fairytale was the right word to describe your relationship. one from a prim and proper ‘family’ (one can say) and the other from one who has a tougher and more aggressive connotation around their name. you and epel were just playing around in the courtyard, the only sounds heard was your laughter. you two were just happy to be there with each other, despite what youre respective dorm leaders had to say. 

“ne, epel. do you think we’re a perfect match?”

“of course! it’s like an opposite attracts kind of situation.”

“no matter how different we are, i think we’re actually really similar. don’t you think?”

“of course. we both love each other after all, and that’s all that matters.” 

BONUS: vil and rook popped their heads up from a bush. the scene before them was chaotic. epel and (y/n) were just laughing and having fun with each other. “ah, look how deeply in love they are. don’t you agree?” rook spoke to the dorm leader whose face was plastered with a type of disappointment but also with slight...happiness. “maybe she’s not as bad as she seems. as long as she doesn’t taint our precious epel, i’ll reconsider.” he flipped his hair. meanwhile, leona and ruggie were listening to (y/n) and epel from behind a tree. “they’re a good couple, right leona-san?” leona sighed. “ugh. maybe. we should stop stalking her so much, she’ll think we’re actually her parents.” 

of course both respective dorm leaders and vice dorm leaders were like parents to you and epel. and there would be a day where you both would have to introduce each other to your ‘parents’. hopefully they would remain civil.  

♡

i feel like writing astra’s story and her experiences in the game and stuff. would you guys be interested, and where should i post it? hmmmmm

love, a♕

[rustdream]

Mustache Kid makes a New Friend hee hoo

Yea! A smol story for @promisedangel‘s roleswap AU! I wrote this at night so some things may be grammatically incorrect. I hope this is good!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The air was full of tension as Mustache Kid stood infront of the ice walls that surrounded her destination. By some sort of miracle, they were perfectly intact, despite the immense heat the forest gave off daily. While it’s a neat discovery all on its own, it would mean that she would have to bust her way in. She was taken out of her thoughts when she heard a chuckle behind her. The voice belonged to none other than the Matriarch, the ruler of Subcon and the pain in the butt that’s been threatening her into doing favors for her. “It’s quite the feat, isn’t it?” The shadowy being asked, floating besides the girl.

Mustache Kid sighed in annoyance, causing the ghost’s angelic features to distort. “Now don’t take that ton with me, child. This will be different than the other favors you’ve done!” The passive aggressive tone had set in, as she feigned cheerfulness. The Matriarch clasped her hands together, “You’ll be delivering a gift to my special Prince for his birthday!” Mustache Kid turned to her as the gift box was born from red flames, the embers forming the luxurious bow. As much as she hated to admit it that box had a pretty darn cool shade of red. “Okay…but why don’t you do it? Since it’s your gift.” Mustache Kid questioned, as the Matriarch’s expression softened. “Oh, how I wish I could give him the gift myself! Unfortunately, my temper had gotten the better of me and…we got into a fight. Now the poor thing’s scared of me.” It was clear that queen of Subcon was being exaggeratingly dramatic right then, as she had no qualms about threatening children with execution twice fold. Still, the kid didn’t have much choice, as the box was shoved into her hands. Mustache Kid had a couple of moments before she realized that her bombs were gone. “Hey!” 

“Oh and, by the way. The Prince is very finicky, so these,” The Matriarch held the bag of bombs in her hands with the heat threatening to set them off, “are out of the question. Now get to it.” As Mustache Kid jumped through the ice pillars infront of her, she could her the cold-hearted monarch say something about burning her if she was to break the box. But she was used to those threats, and there wasn’t much to worry about anyways. She continued, occasionally having to break the walls with the fiery fruits and Dwellers hiding around. Eventually she had made it to the other side of the labyrinth of walls and was immediately hit with the extremely cold weather. She adjusted her cape to cover herself and waded through the thick snow, in the direction of the manor in the distance. When she neared the front porch, she could see glowing yellow eyes peer at her through the attic window for a quick second, before blinking out of sight. Hopefully, this ‘Prince’ wouldn’t be as much as an immoral jerk as the Matriarch was. She went to knock on the door before the wood had turned to ice and being rendered unopenable. Mustache Girl groaned as she kicked an ice statue near, but her attitude quickly changed to fear when said statue came to life and tried to smash her head open. Running from living creatures of cold terror, she had ducked into the cellar in the back and shut the doors. While one might think this wouldn’t stop them from breaking in, it did. In fact, they seemed to leave as soon as the door had locked!

Well, she already made it in the house, might as well deliver it personally. She skidded through the cellar floor, the spilled wine having been frozen over the years. Managing to make it upstairs without busting her bust on the slippery ice, she was relieved to find that the rest of the house’s flooring wasn’t in the same state. Mustache Kid wandered down the hallways, the carpeted floors keeping her footsteps quiet. Suddenly, she had heard the sound of glass breaking coming from the room besides her. In an act of impulse, she opened the door, leading her to the library. There didn’t seem to be anyone in here. A broken vase sure, and an ice sculpture that was whispering to her. Wait. On closer inspection, it was a Wally! Though, he was frozen everywhere but his head. “Hey, Little Mustached Child, why are you here?” He asked, his voice shaky and low. Before she could answer, the air grew darker as footsteps could be heard. “Quick! Hide, Get out of Here!” Mustache Kid wasn’t about to question it, she simply slid under the low bookshelves, the gift box conveniently fitting through with her. Just in time too, as a shadowy figure entered the room. It had the same aura that the Matriarch gave off, but its figure was slightly deformed and monstrous. It was safe to assume that this was the Prince that she was referring to. His yellow eyes scanned the scene, panic present in them. 

His head snapped towards the Wally as the frozen man panicked. “H-hello Best Friend! I was being clumsy and um, knocked it over-” He frantically tried to explain, as the shadow interrupted him. “You promised, you promised that you wouldn’t break any more stuff last time you broke these. You broke my things, gifts to you last week and you said, ‘Wally will fix that’, ‘Wally won’t break stuff again’. But did you live up to that? No nononono, you didn’t you just lied and lied, and you know how I HATE liars.” The Prince ranted, as the ice on Wally’s body consumed more of him. Mustache Kid watched as he was frozen completely and smashed to pieces by this raving lunatic. The shadows mad shrieks soon dissolved into tears, burying his head in his hands. Mustache Kid slowly crawled out of her hiding spot, placing the gift behind the sobbing mess. She then tried to tip toe her way out of the room before a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Who are you?” The Prince spoke through sobs, as the girl turned to meet his gaze. She seemed to stammer quite a lot, obviously nervous. The royal’s gaze slowly drifted to the nicely wrapped gift between them, the sight swinging his mood straight into a happy delirium. “Did you bring this gift, a gift for me? I’m good enough for gifts?” He asked hopefully, pure joy blooming inside his chest when she had nodded. The Prince chuckled as he suddenly swooped both the box and Mustache Kid in his arms, straight to a bedroom. This caused the kid to become upset, not understanding why he was doing this. But, he simply placed her on a pile of pillows, as he ‘sat’(more along the lines of coiled on) the bed with the gift in his lap. As he tore open the wrapping, Mustache Kid looked around to determine her situation. Everyone but the two of them were frozen solid. Some of them are seals, cats, a lot of them Wallies. “Great, this might as well happen.” She mumbled, as she heard the Prince gasp in surprise. Well, she’s kind of stuck here, might as well find out what the gift was!

A pile of bacon. That was literally it. It wasn’t even good, all of it was charred to crispy charcoal. However, the Prince was very happy to receive this gift. He started scarfing it down quickly, as if as soon as he stopped it would be all gone. He then froze up suddenly. He could hear them. His friends, they were hungry too. They deserved this gift more than he did, and he’s just hogging it like the selfish friend he is. He doesn’t deserve such a nice thing as this, with how horrid he was being. Of course, Mustache Kid didn’t hear any of that. She just looked on in confusion as the Prince went around the room, trying to shove bacon down the ice statues’ throats. Though that went as well as you’d expect it to, as it either fell out (with the Prince eating it anyways) or it just stayed in the mouths of the frozen creatures around him. He made it to Mustache Kid, offering her a handful of burnt bacon. “Oh um, no thanks. I’ve already. Eaten on the way here you know and, snacks aren’t my thing?” She refused, thoughts of an elaborate escape plan flooding through her mind. The Prince sat back on the bed, facing away from everyone as he consumed the rest of the food on his plate. After he was done, he turned to Mustache Kid and held her hands in his freezing cold hands. “Thank you, thank you, thank you for this wonderful gift. I’ll cherish it, I’ll love it. Never forget it, thank you new friend!” He repeatedly thanked her, his breath hitching as he started to mumble incoherently to himself. He then stood upright, seeming to have snapped back into reality. “It seems like it’s getting dark! None of you, none of you are leaving, r-right? GOOD! Good, I guess that means that we can have a slumber party. You – YOU will join us, won’t you New Friend?” He asked the child, as ice started to form on her legs.

Mustache Kid sat on the pillow pile on the floor, bored out of her mind. Since her bombs are gone and this guy can freeze her in an instant, fighting her way out is out of the question. So is straight up running for the exit. For now, she just has to play along with it. However, the only entertainment right now was watching him start up conversations with the frozen people besides him. And even then it wasn’t really funny. Just sad. She would perk up whenever he spoke to her though. Mainly because he could kill her if she didn’t answer. “Oh, sure! I agree! No way!” After a long while of talking, the Prince stood up. “Okay everyone! I’ve gotten everything prepared for tonight! A nice view, snacks…wait. No, no snacks??” His head rotated 180 degrees (grossing the kid out a bit), facing the empty table meant for housing the refreshments. How could he forget? He should have thought this through! He has a new friend he needs to impress, and this is his first impression? A forgetful dumb stupid idiot who disappoints everyone he meets? He could feel the hateful stares burn up as he backed out of the room. “I’m, I’m going to go get the, snacks. Friend! New Friend, can you come with me?” He practically tugged Mustache Kid out of the room, and downstairs into the kitchen. 

Mustache Kid gathered up what small amount of treats she could find in the abandoned cabinets on the table, as the Prince got ready the tea. A couple of crackers, and some preserved fruits. She turned to the Prince, who was shaking as he continuously stirred the tea. At the very least, he was a lot nicer than the Matriarch. “Not many snacks…are there?” She questioned, more out of concern for how he’s been living all this time. While she figured that ghosts don’t need to eat to live, it seemed to cause the Matriarch pain when she missed a meal, imagine living with only this. The Prince put the tea kettle on the tray, along with the cups, before answering. “Hang on, there’s more, I’ll get them.” He walked hurriedly to a hollow spot in the walls, before sliding it aside to reveal some bigger snacks, such as a bag of fish chips of the CC brand and a slice of velvet jelly cake. All of it seems to have been frozen to last, the velvet jelly was absolutely solid when he placed it on the table. Mustache Kid grabbed the snacks, as the Prince carried the tea tray upstairs. “By the way, I’m sorry for being so forgetful. It’s really awful on my part, I hope you can forgive me.” He told her, as they set the tea and snacks down. Of course she’d forgive him, it’s not like he has anything he needs to apologize for.

The night seemed to have gotten better. The two were now talking about law, and frankly hearing about this planets views on justice and law enforcement was pretty interesting. Until he got into the nitty gritty details of it. Not that it was boring, it was just the simple fact that they have all these policies and fallacies and such. But it isn’t complex! There are bad people who need to be arrested, like the Matriarch, whole there are good people who arrest the bad, like herself! Still, she listened intently to his rambles about law theory. Something the Prince isn’t used to! Usually when he rambles to people, they ignore him. It always made him feel like he didn’t matter but when he asked Mustache Kid if she was listening she actually responded! Mustache Kid took a sip of her tea, and grimaced. The tea was ice cold. Which was understandable since the person who made the tea could freeze things with his bare claw hands. But there was also the fact that she actually wasn’t a tea person. The Prince caught on to this. “Is there something wrong? Is it not good enough? I’m sorry I’ll make a new kettle if you hate it-“

 “It’s good, it’s okay!” Mustache Kid assured him, almost becoming numb from the ice that had formed up to her knees. It was thin, luckily. She placed a hand on the Prince’s shoulder as he calmed down. “Oh, I’m sorry I just got worried and…” He eventually stopped talking as he leaned into her arms, humming as she petted his head. He liked this, it’s nice. She’s nice. Most of his other friends didn’t hug him like that, they didn’t even tell him nice things. He’s heard of BFFS, Best Friends Forever. Maybe people that nice are BFFs? The Prince never had enough friends to tell. He’ll need to hide her from Vanessa. She’ll come and burn him again, and maybe even burn his new BFF like everything other bit of happiness he hoarded. He didn’t want to think of that. Whenever he did his mind devolved into this dark place he can’t get out of. “So what’s the next event on our list of fun?” Mustache Kid asked, distracting the Prince from his thoughts. “A dance.”

[jimlingss]

Doubts [M]

➜ Words: 2.5k

➜ Genres: 60% Angst, 30% Fluff, 10% Smut

➜ Summary: You plan. You feel with your head and not with your heart. You overthink. And you're beginning to have doubts that Jungkook is the person you want to be with.

➜ Notes: This is a smol drabble, kind of. It’s different from my usual writing style cause the actual idea was inspired by a dream I had. Unfortunately, not the smut part but mainly everything else. Anyways, hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

You wonder if you’re too good for him.   You wonder many things — if the choices you’re making are the choices that you want to live with. You wonder constantly if this is what you want, if this is enough, if he’s what you want.   He was your first real boyfriend, your first serious relationship that was only becoming more serious as time went by. A week turned into a month which turned into several, so gradual that you didn’t even notice. And you only knew him. No one else.   While that sounded like a romantic fairy tale where you knew solely one boy, that you only ever had one, it also meant you didn’t know who else was out there.    You don’t know if there’s anyone who can make you happier. Sure, things were fine and nice and comfortable in your relationship, but you didn’t know if they could be better. And these questions that haunted you were selfish and greedy, but you liked to plan. You didn’t want to idly sit by, let fate and time determine important decisions for you. You didn’t want to end up somewhere or with someone simply because it was convenient and easy, simply because you were with them in the first place.   Jungkook was your investment and if you weren’t going to marry him one day, build a home and family and potentially live the rest of your lives together, you didn’t want to waste any more time and draw out the relationship to cause more pain some other day.    But you didn’t know what to do. You didn’t want to pull the plug when nothing was wrong. But you didn’t know how to continue with these doubts in your mind. You were confused. Stuck. And the hardest part was that there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. There is no soulmate. One single person that you were born to be with. You will never know if he or anyone else is the right one.   “Are we always supposed to have doubts?”   “I don’t know,” your friend honestly answers. “Have you talked to him about it?”   “No.” You cringe at the mere thought of it. “How am I supposed to tell him that I think I could do better?”    “Well, don’t put it like that.”   “I haven’t been talking to him,” you admit. It wasn’t out of the blue for you to ghost him. He knows you’re busy. You guess he must’ve caught on since he’s given you some distance. But this has been the longest you’ve gone without contact since you’ve gotten together. Two days of silence has drawn into a week and a half.    The silence between the both of you gives you time to think. The silence between the both of you acts as a hint for him — so he has an inkling and isn’t caught off guard if you decide to sever the ties, so he isn’t so pained later on. But you still don’t know if you should break up with him in the first place. You don’t know what to do.   You don’t know what to do with these doubts you have.   “This is your choice.” She shrugs, truly not knowing what to say. “I can’t tell you what to do. You know that, right? This is your decision to make.”   You wish there was a right or wrong answer.   //   It would be a lot easier if you could fall head over heels blindly, if this was like the movies and books where you were in a romantic whirlwind and could declare your love on top of a mountain without a shred of hesitation. You wish you could be caught up and be overwhelmed with emotion. But you’ve always felt with your head and not with your heart.   You brace yourself before knocking on his door, knuckles rapping on the surface. It swings open a few seconds later and you’re brought face to face with the person you’ve been thinking about. It’s awkward, the short period of time not spent together reducing you both into strangers.   “Hey...”   “Hey…” Jungkook offers a reserved smile and steps back, letting you into his apartment. He doesn’t ask. Maybe because he knows you don’t want him to. Maybe because he’s afraid of what you’ll say. The pair of you are bad at confrontation. Inexperienced in dealing with emotions.   You enter, dropping your bag on the carpet and turning to look at your boyfriend who seems unusually tired, dark hair a mess, lips pulled down, brows slightly furrowed. You inhale a deep breath, preparing yourself. You’re going to do it. Deep down, you know this is a hasty choice like deciding to get a tattoo last minute or jumping off a diving board head first. But your brain has been in overdrive, overthinking, and you wanted it to stop.   Yet somehow, none of what you plan to say is exchanged or conveyed.    Somehow, someway, you end up with your back pressed to his mattress.   You become surrounded by Jungkook. His room is small, belongings scattered everywhere and bed even tinier, barely fitting the two of you. It’s where he sleeps at night and the pillows, sheets, covers have been made to smell like him. His scent is attached to the soft cotton fabric, sullied with the aroma of his soap, sweat, and laundry detergent.    And it’s not just the air stained of Jungkook that surrounds you. He envelops you in a physical sense, hovering over your body fully clothed while you’re beneath him, vulnerable and naked. Your own clothes have been stripped by his hands, abandoned on his floor like gift wrap unraveled on Christmas Day.    His roommates are out for the afternoon. It’s just the two of you in this small space, silent except for the sounds of his heaving breaths drawing from his parted lips. Jungkook gazes down at you intensely, his dark hair shagging in front of his eyes, sending a lump to your throat that makes it hard to speak.   The moment is too intimate.   He kisses you gingerly before his mouth trails down to your jaw and then your chest. His lips travel between the valley of your breasts down to your stomach, grazing lightly and pressing gentle kisses to your skin. You keen into his touch, hand curling at the back of his head and fingertips sinking into the strands of his hair.   “Jungkook,” you cry his name softly.   “Hmmm…” He hums a note, timbre vibrating onto your flesh.   He spreads your legs, pushing them apart nimbly, making just enough space for him to settle himself there and claim his spot. Jungkook’s plush lips meet your weeping center and his tongue pokes out at you as if getting a tiny taste before he goes ahead.   You can tell he’s dedicated himself to making you feel good, relishing how you writhe and squirm beneath him. His touches aren’t rushed, all calculated and he never says more than one sentence at a time. It’s not like all the times before — times of playfulness or mischief where he tries to talk dirty and ends up giggling instead or moments when you threaten to bite off his dick if he dares to deep throat you without warning again…   You’re both not people of words. The pair of you have never been ones to give cheesy declarations of love or confess your feelings for one another. So Jungkook communicates to you the best way he knows how.   His hands grasp at your thighs, eating you out, nosing at your clit. It’s messy and sloppy, sobs of his name coming from your throat and obscene sounds fill his room. He has no intention of stopping or rising or chasing after his own pleasure as if your noises are enough to satisfy him.   His touches are tender. Gentle. Like he’s trying to tell you that he doesn’t know what’s wrong, but that he missed you. That he doesn’t want to let go.   But you can’t pay attention, can’t deduct the deeper meaning to his caresses or decipher the expression on his face. You can’t think anymore, falling deeper into his mattress, legs wrapped around his head, dizzy when he goes faster and deeper. Jungkook runs two of his fingers down your slit before entering, plunging them knuckle deep into your velvet walls.    His tongue laps at your wetness, nose rubbing at your clit, fingers curling inside your hole. And it’s finally enough for you to seize, toes curling, crying out for him again. A few tears escape from the corners of your eyes and pleasure washes over you.   But when it fades away, you feel your chest ache. It hurts in ways you’re unfamiliar with.    You ignore it, dragging him up to kiss his lips, faintly tasting yourself on his mouth.    Jungkook’s about to get up, not particularly caring about his own predicament, but you pull him back and with a few words of persuasion, he ends up fucking you into his bed sheets. With the way he’s going, attempting to hold back, but still eager enough, you wonder if he’s trying to break the springs of the mattress.   You watch the way his brows are furrowed in concentration, chasing after his pleasure, how his hands are sprawled all over your thighs, pulling you up as he thrusts in and out of you. Still, his touches are always soft and tender. He kisses you again, breaking you out of your thoughts.   He’s sweating above you and your own back is slick. Your pussy is creaming all over his cock, dripping down his length and as he gets closer, he groans your name deep within his throat. And that overwhelming emotion returns — you want to cry, but instead you shut your eyes tight, lingering in the feeling of him all over you, pressed on top of your body.

  Jungkook comes and with a thumb on your clit, rubbing in quick circles, you come for a second time under his tender ministrations. The boy ends up collapsed on top of you and for a long moment, you can hear his pounding heartbeat.   You quickly push his heavy weight off of you, getting to your feet. He expects you to scamper off into the bathroom to clean yourself up, then join him on the bed again like you’d so often do. But this time, you grab your sweater off his floor.   “Are you going?”   Jungkook sits himself up, watching.   “Y-yeah….” Your head is clouded. You’re more lost than you were before. You were confused. He made you confused. “I have to go pick up my mom and help her run some errands.”   He knows you enough to see right through your lie, but he nods anyhow, not pushing to make you stay. “Okay.”   You get dressed and he does too after running a hand through his messy hair. Jungkook walks you to the door and not much is said after that. You don’t even kiss him goodbye.   //   It’s unfair to him for you to be this cold and distant. But you need to get your thoughts in order before you talk. You need to know what you want — the problem is you don’t even know what you want. Your head hurts more than it did before. It’s overwhelming and what’s worse is that you brought this upon yourself.   You end up ghosting your boyfriend again. This time, it’s with the intention of trying to get your shit together. You’re single-handedly putting on a strain on your relationship and you still don’t know what your final decision is.   It’s after countless nights that you decide to just do it.    It’s yet again another hasty decision on your part, but you just want to put an end to your turmoil.   You stand at the end of the empty hall, waiting. You know his routine like he knows yours and you knew he was about to finish up his usual workout at the gym. Other days you’d hang around here, wait to catch dinner together, maybe chat a bit before you headed home. Today, it was an entirely different reason and luckily, no one was here to witness what was about to happen.   You swallow hard, curling your hands tight into a fist, bracing yourself.   And after a minute or two, Jungkook turns the corner. His hair is messy, duffle bag slung over his shoulder by his side and he looks at you, steps slowing. He’s surprised that you’re here. But when you see him….   A freight train hits you. Realization strikes you across the face, making you numb.   You can’t.   You can’t do it.   You’re not ready.   In the moment of truth, the point of no return, push comes to shove — you can’t go through with your decision. Perhaps this is the answer you were searching for. The one that you were pondering for so long, if you should or shouldn’t pull the plug of your relationship. Or maybe this is a second of cowardice that you need to overcome.    You’re not sure of anything. You’re scared, frightened of facing him, of facing your feelings, so like the coward that you are, you turn around. As if you could disappear, becoming invisible or evaporate into the air, you simply shut your eyes tight, hoping that he doesn’t see you anymore.   You expect him to turn you around, to tap on your shoulder, call your name. But none of that happens.   There’s nothing. And after a long moment, you open your eyes, hearing clunking noises to your left. Turning, you find Jungkook at the vending machine, looking at the selection, casually trying to buy something. He pretends not to see you. He can read you like a book. And he knows you’re uncomfortable.    He’s considerate enough to spare you from a confrontation you’re not prepared for.   Your eyes sting. Your head doesn’t hurt this time — it’s your chest. The same feeling from before has returned, making you feel heavy, regretful, saddened.   And for the first time, you’re the one to reach out.   You say his name, not wanting him to leave and your arm extends, wrapping around his frame. Your cheeks press against his shoulder and you hug him. Tightly. Locking your hands together. Cuddling into his body. It might not look like much to an outsider, but to you, it’s significant.   You haven’t hugged anyone since you were a child, haven’t hugged anyone aside from your own parents. Every time Jungkook’s ever held you in an embrace, you’ve remained limp much to his dismay, at best giving a halfhearted and awkward pat on the back, and he’d laugh while hoisting you up in the air, trying to get you to hug him back.   It’s a gesture that was important to you, that you feared to give. But now, you were holding onto Jungkook, hugging him, grasping on securely, offering as much warmth as possible.   “I’m sorry,” your voice is heavy, throat constricting. It hurts beyond belief.   “For what?” The tiny smile on his face is heard in his question. Jungkook lets himself be embraced by you.    You care a lot more about him than you thought — enough that the numerous doubts have sunk beneath the surface.

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

Baby Boom

@blind-mutant here we go!! For anyone else who reads this, this is uhhh an au??? Based off a fic I wrote for Devin's birthday in which Rhys lives a happy life with Wulf, Sal, Pascal, Lace, Mahogany and Dae! They also have a ton of babies (the carrier for all of these is Mahogany, they're still trying to get Sal to have a baby for them to coddle during all this) and here are some headcanons (tho core details like appearance, names, powers aren't decided since I want it to be a duo thing to share).

Malf (Wulf x Mahogany)

Oldest baby since Wulf is incredibly fertile

Big baby. Mahogany had quite a few worried boys around them when they got close to their due date and Baby themself got Mahogany exhausted.

So for the first few weeks it was the boys mostly taking care of Baby while Mahogany rested.

Spent the past six months being carried by Wulf before the last month was spent with only Dae being allowed to go near because he doesn't smell of much. Mahogany could only stand him and it made Dae cry every time.

Ate a LOT of meat since they were already the size of a one year old despite Mahogany being carrying for six months.

Screamed any time they were left alone and thus someone had to be in the room with them or holding them.

Even without powers,,,,ridiculously strong,,,dragged a chair with Sal still sitting on it and they were only a year and a half.

Angwy lil bab when the twins were born. Father crew had to keep an eye on them because Pascal launched out of bed one morning (throwing Rhys across the bed by accident) and caught Baby dragging the twins out to the woods,,,and then spent another hour holding a wailing Baby over it.

Wild Child. The kid who screams "FA!" and comes running in with a snake they found before announcing that they were bitten excitedly.

Wants stories all the time and everything they get told depends with "That's not what Auntie Edith/Uncle Mordecai says!"

Had very weird body proportions where they're skinny look but has big ass hands and feet,,,,like Michael from tma.

Stomps everywhere.

Ridiculously tall when grown. Gets yelled at by Rhys or Sal and they have to squat to be at eye level.

Kinda neurotic about keeping packs together and self obessed idea of being the next Alpha. Starts a few fights with Mahogany that leaves them both scarred, much to the worry of everyone else.

Rhogal (Rhys x Mahogany/x Pascal?)

Mahogany got pregnant when Wulf Baby was two.

No one knew who's this one was and automatically assumed Rhys because pale and one was blind.

But then Lace openly wondered if they worked like a cat and could have multiple fathers and then doubts settled in.

Did not help that Baby Two would start giggling ominously before something bad happned.

Anyway, easier birth! Less stress and less muching if you don't include Wulf Baby's attempts at getting rid of them.

Smol, got carried around by Rhys a lot and could fit into Wulf's palms which made some knees weak.

Generally didn't seem much trouble at first but then it Began.

Pls Baby One, let go of the spoon, I swear you'll get more meat mush in a second- oh my god where did Baby Two go????

Lots of rushing around looking for Satan before Baby Two would just calmly pad in with a dead dove or napping in Alpha's hair.

Twins need to hold AT LEAST a body part of someone. Sal's hands?? Wulf's hair??? Rhys's feet when asleep??? It'll do. Especially if it makes Papa Rhys scream funny.

Sal shows them the shining twins and still getting punished for it to this day I hear.

Asks a lot of questions that seem emotional and gut punching. Baby One asks Wulf if they're monsters when being tucked into bed, Baby Two cheerfully asks Dae what's gonna happen if he dies at the family breakfast.

Absolutely ride or die and everyone and no one knows if they can change sizes because no one sees them as adults together strangely enough.

Rarely fights but when they do??? Oh its BIG. To the point where Mahogany has to pull a big scary move that makes everyone step back.

One twin is so gross like, Lilo licking Nani level, but no one knows until it's too late.

Scared of fires but urge to arson is terribly strong in these babies.

Wulf Baby hated them and then it got worse because you had two tiny terrors annoying and bullying Wulf Baby lowkey for months.

Lagni (Lace x Mahogany)

Wulf Baby is 4, the twins are 2 and Lace Baby is a wee bab!

Dad Squad is getting to be experienced, knows to set up a den in the bedroom, only Dae and babies can go near them in the last month and Wulf Baby is VERY proud of being able to play at Alpha and look after their carrier.

Lace Baby was....surprisingly normal at first and ok no one expected that but no one was going to argue since they all knew how powerful Lace was when off his meds.

Things were fine! But then a few weeks and,,,,Mahogany was sweating and Sal wouldn't stop bleeding and being sick and Rhys got surrounded by his shadows and isolated. Lace cried later that night.

Still! They got around it and Carter helped out by telling the government that he had a second child and they got some medication for Lace Baby to have in order to calm them down, at least until they could be taught some control.

Quiet but....weirdly attentive?? A month old and yet nodded when asked questions. Prodigy baby, Wulf says proudly.

Likes sitting near their fathers and getting hobbies. Lace was strict in telling Rhys he wasn't allowed to scare people and luckily Lace Baby just picked up music from him.

Likes brawling with Wulf Baby and is seemingly durable so more than once Pascal has yelled because Wulf Baby tossed a giggling Lace Baby across the room with one hand.

Addicted to hanging out with cousin Logan to the point where they have been a bit rude and blown off their own siblings. Got a big fight about it that ended up with Baby One sulking with their head in Rhys's lap and sniffling.

Wants to move out but not in a bad way just....wants to study and learn about what they are, what their PACK is. Begs Uncle Abara to teach them demon stuff.

Accent changes with who they speak to. Has a stutter with Dae before switching to rough Irish when begging to go hunting.

Likes to stray from family but the slightest thing that upsets them?? Comes home sobbing to their parents, half of which only teach their shoulders now.

Cried easily? Medication made them have swings and some time Rhys said something and they cried and he still feels bad about it years later. Wulf is confused because all Rhys said was that they can't take a sword to school.

Likes making charts and playing games that Dae.

Burns themself out a lot and that causes worry for the family when they're eight and suddenly passing out after chasing after Mahogany.

Secretly keeps and cuddles a sweater from one of the parents and sleeps with it. Mortified if anyone found out about their blankie.

Mahl (Sal x Mahogany)

Wulf Baby is 5, the twins are 3 and Lace Baby is 1!

No one actually knew this time Mahogany was pregnant because the bump was so small and they weren't eating as much. Really, Mahogany started craving sweeter stuff and ate sap and honey for 6 months instead of meat.

Therefore, this is the one baby Mahogany finally got to have in the middle of nowhere and came back with late afternoon. Sal passed out immediately.

S m o l. Literally kitten sized. But had a perfect affinity for sound and therefore had the horrifying gift for copying voices. More than once they were woken up to Sal Baby screaming like an adult man and one time they woke up to Pascal's own voice screaming back at him.

Suckles a lot and this was cute until they grew teeth Mahogany has sharp teeth, Sal has blocky teeth. Baby has jagged teeth. Also the only baby who didn't eat meat but rather drank honey for months on end before finally eating meat.

Everyone thought Sal hated them because he never spoke to them until he finally sighed after a crying session and ruffled their hair and called Baby "Snuffle-Truffles". Wulf cried.

Didn't move for ages until Rhys didn't hold them one day after everyone ELSE did and Sal Baby finally got up and passed after him for their daily shadow dad cuddles.

Smol but f a s t. Scaled a wall in less than a minute and the wall was high enough that it takes about three minutes to hurry if you aren't a giant noodle who can litreally climb up.

Baby can touch Dae safely and that's because he woke up scremaing when Baby Sal was found suckling on his fingers and was....perfectly fine. There was a lot of crying.

Wants to Dance(Tm) but,,,,clumsy dancer. Has the legs of a chunky chicken wing to baby deer.

Baby of the family and they know it. Has some health issues later and VERY wild physical changes later on in life.

Mahogany is still bothering Sal about carrying a baby or two because they wanna coddle but haha what are the chances of that happening,,,,,:3 :3 >:3

Lace Baby is the teen that dumps their parents and Sal Baby is the teen that is mortified by the amount of baby pictures.

[faceless-stay]

*Insert clever artsy title here*

I did a thing soooooooo...yeah. warnings for swearing, yelling, mentions of family problems and implied anxiety.

Also, shout out to a friend who basically co-wrote this they helped so much. Love you! And sorry I couldn't get the cut thing to work.

you never really had problems with the kids at school. sure, you weren't the most social person out there, and maybe you thought this whole clique thing was weird, but you weren't the type to make enemies.

except for one

lee minho

he was just so...ugh

he was loud, obnoxious and cocky, which wouldn't be nearly as bad iF HE WASN’T SO DAMN GOOD AT EVERYTHING.

while you worked your ass off for your grades, his practically fell into his lap.

all the teachers love him, his grades are higher than your self-esteem, and you were pretty sure the air around him smelled entitled, not to mention he had girls falling at his feet. he was a catch and he knew it.

which is why you took every chance you could to take him down a peg.

it was a constant battle between you two. who could turn in tests the fastest, raise their hand the most, taking any and every chance to show each other up. everyone knew you guys were rivals.

you just hadn't expected it to change so fast.

it all started with a couple of his stupid friends.

you didn't know how the hell they stood him for that long everyday.

all in all they weren't so bad. pretty weird, you had to admit, but you didn't hold anything against them.

that being said, it was still a shock when two of his lowerclassmen buddies Felix and Seungmin ambushed you at your locker. you’d be lying if you weren't at least a little bit suspicious.

“what do you want?” you asked a little too sharply.

Felix flushed, stammering over his words. “Woah, wait, i-uh, we were just, ah,” Seungmin gave him a look.

“we need a favor,” seungmin spoke for felix

you replied, “why don't you ask minho? you are friends with minho, right?”

“well, yeah, but he won't do it.”do what?

“we have this friend, jeongin-”

“he's a freshman,” felix interjected.

ugh, freshman.

“anyway, he's having some trouble adjusting and his grades are falling behind and-”

“he needs a tutor?” you filled in, quirking an eyebrow. felix nodded.

“what do i get out of this?”

seungmin smiled imploringly. “the satisfaction of a job well done? the joy of helping out someone in need?” mmhmmmm

“i'll do it,” you said, surprising yourself, “but you all owe me. big time.”

the sophomores grinned. “lunch tomorrow okay for you?”

flash forward to tomorrow @ lunch

and you're walking around looking for a kid fitting the description of “a smol boy with brown hair and braces” like that helped anything.

just as you're about to give up you see felix flagging you down from the opposite side of the room and you head over.

their table was overflowing and you had no idea how you were supposed to fit between all these people. you counted nine, recognizing seungmin, felix, some kid from your grade named changbin and, unfortunately,

minho.

“really guys?” he scoffed. “this was your solution?”

you scoffed right back at him, turning to a yet again flustered Felix. “You didn't say he would be here,” you growled

“awwwww, what's that matter y/n? you weren't looking forward to seeing me?” minho pouted

“oh shut up,” you shot back

“ooh, a master of wit”

“Look,” seungmin stepped in. “Y/n, I'm sorry you have to deal with him but he kinda comes with the territory and minho, if you would have helped jeongin, we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with, so you don't get to say shit.” Seungmin turned back to you. “I know minho's an ass, but can you please put this aside for a couple of days? There are more important things going here,” you nodded, looking around.

“So, which one of you is jeongin?” you asked, trying to ignore the current air of awkwardness. A shy-looking boy raised his hand from the far end of the table, across from two guys you assumed were seniors

You made your way around the table and sat at the head.

Welp, I better make the best of this.

So that's how your days went.

And as time went on, you got to know the boys little by little.

You learned that jeongin was good with the humanities, but math was his greatest weakness.

You learned that Felix was obsessed with this alumni girl group called Twice and nothing got in between him and his precious

You learned that two sophomores, hyunjin and jisung hated each other's guts during middle school, but one day put aside their differences for the good of the group.

You even learned to tolerate minho, if just for one period of the day.

In no way did your rivalry stop, and occasionally you two had to be broken up when things got too heated. but even then, you often found your competition fall from the forefront of your mind before you went to your next class.

Slowly but surely, jeongin's grades began to improve, and though you were less often needed you found yourself still in that same seat, with those same people everyday.

And slowly but surely you got more comfortable, throwing yourself into the banter just as loudly as the others. You could laugh and joke and tease with the best of them, even if your back and forth with minho got in the way. Everything fell into a fairly comfortable routine.

Yet as school got easier, the rest of your life began to fall apart. it all started with the fighting.

your parents used to fight quietly, late at night as not to wake the little ones. but recently it got worse, and you found yourself caring for your siblings more that your stay-at-home-mom ever had.

you put them to bed and tried to keep them happy, distracted, anything that could help them keep their minds off of the mess your family life had become.

to say you were tired would be an understatement.

the weight of caring for your brother and sister, keeping up with schoolwork, taking care of yourself and processing everything going on took a toll. you were juggling and you simply didn't have enough hands.

so school fell out of focus. you didn't rush for the extra credit, studying was nowhere on your plate, and as much as you tried to keep up with minho, you just couldn't. you kept telling yourself you would pick back up, but all you did was fall further down. you managed to coast for a while, but it really hit you when you got your AP Chemistry test back with the lowest grade you'd ever gotten. tears welled in your eyes as you look at the bright red numbers but you refused to show anyone. you thought nobody had noticed.

if you had looked up, you would have seen minho staring at you, concern etched on his face.

So everyday you pretended to be fine. and everyday it became clearer that you weren't.

One day you were helping jeongin with algebra, graphing polynomials and shit. Both of you were on edge and you found yourself gritting your teeth at even the smallest annoyances.

“This doesn't make any sense!” Jeongin shouted. The whole table startled, looking at him as he ran his hands through his hair. You took a deep breath.

“What's confusing you, jeongin?” You asked as patiently as you could muster.

“This-this whole thing! It makes sense in my head, but when I try to put it on paper it all goes to shit!”

“Language!” responded the boy sitting across from him, a senior named Chan. You tried not to roll your eyes.

Much to your chagrin, minho made his way over to your end of the table, leaning over jeongin's shoulder to look at the problem.

“Oh, this? This is easy. Wait til you hit algebra 2. That's when shit gets hard.”

“fuck off, minho,” you muttered

“What was that y/n?” Minho said teasingly.

“I said fuck off,” you repeated, ignoring Chan's look of disapproval.

“I'm just saying,” he deflected, raising his hands. “It's really not that hard,”

You turned to minho, eyes flaming. “I’m sorry we're not all perfect like you, minho. I'm sorry that some of us actually have to put in effort to get the grades we want. I'm sorry that we don't have everything fall right into our laps like you. Everything's so damn easy for you, you act like you've never had to work in your life! Not all of us are privileged like you!” You spoke in a crescendo, voice breaking at the end of the very last sentence. You clenched your jaw, grabbed your things and walked away.

it was safe to say the table was stunned. they knew you had a temper but they had never seen you lose it like that. chan looked at minho. “well?”

“what do you mean?” minho replied, shocked. “i don't know what just happened?! someone else go after her!”

seungmin called from the other end of the table. “you started it, man. now you gotta fix it!”

“dammit,” minho muttered. well, he thought as he slung his bookbag over his shoulder, might as well get this over with.

minho found you fuming at your locker, very aggressively preparing for your next class. your body screamed with tension and as he got closer he saw...tears? You were so focused on biting back your sobs you didn't notice he was heading towards you until it was too late.

shitshitshitshitshitshitshitwhatdoidowhatdoidowhatdoido minho panicked. “umm, are you okay?” he asked hesitantly. you refused to make eye contact.

“i'm fine,” you choked out, brushing away the tears that kept spilling.

“You don't look fine,” he responded

“I'm FINE,” you repeated more forcefully. You weren't fooling anyone.

Minho sighed. “Look y/n. You're a lot of things, but you're not a good liar. You're obviously not fine. Is something wrong? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“no, because there's nothing wrong,”

“that's bullshit and you know it. You haven't been acting like yourself for ages. Hell, you started falling asleep in class! What's-”

You slammed your locker shut, cutting minho off. “why are you even talking, minho? We both know you don't give a shit.”

“Damn it y/n, I'm trying to help! You look like absolute shit, the boys probably all think you're crazy, and I'm still trying to figure out why the hell you're so mad at me! I haven't even done anything!”

You laughed bitterly. “You know what, you're right. You didn't do anything. You've never had to do anything in your life. Forgive me for entertaining the thought that you could possibly have a single flaw,”

“You're not making any sense! I don't know what you're talking about!” Minho yelled, distress evident in his voice.

“Oh, are you confused minho? Let me spell it out for you.” You spat, taking a step towards him. “you're not perfect. You're not special. Hell, no one even likes you! Not your friends, not our class and especially not me! You're a cocky, obnoxious asshole who sticks his nose where it doesn't belong, and if I could kill you, I would. Your life is so easy and you don't deserve any of it.”

“At least I'm not a stuck-up bitch!” Minho shouted. “At least I have friends, instead of pushing everyone away because I have to be the best! At least I'm not constantly begging for attention because my parents don't love me!”

You froze. how did he know? he couldn't have. It was a shot in the dark, but it hit you right in the heart. Tears welled up in your eyes yet again. “Go to hell,” you whispered as the bell rang. Barely breathing you pushed past him and rushed to class, ignoring the fact that it was one you both shared. Steeling yourself, you swallowed your emotions and walked into class, no tears to be found.

Minho didn't know what was happening. It felt like his legs were glued to the floor. He kept gasping for air and he swore no matter how much he inhaled he still felt out of breath. He pulse pounded in his head, and the last ten minutes felt like a blur. What's happening to me?

Nothing was the same after the fight. Any progress you two had made was undone tenfold that day. Class was more cutthroat than ever, and neither of you were willing to back down. Before, there was almost an air of playfulness in your competition. Now it was deadly serious, malicious even.

If everything had been fine, you could have handled it. But it wasn't. And you didn't. At least not well. You pushed yourself, running on two hours of sleep and a prayer most of the time. Meals? Never heard of her. Your life was a whirlwind, and not in a good way.

If you had the energy you would have realized that minho wasn't doing so hot himself. You would have realized that he barely spoke when you were in the room. You would have realized that when he had to speak in class his hands would shake just a little too fast, that when he sat at lunch his laugh was a little too loud. You would have realized that minho was never really as perfect as you saw him to be.

But you never did.

You still sat with the boys at lunch, no matter how awkward it became. You still helped jeongin when he needed it, though nobody had the heart to tell you that more and more often you got them wrong. They all knew something was wrong, but no one knew what it was. They tried to ask minho, but to no avail. He insisted that he didn't know, and his stone cold tone put the matter to rest.

People were starting to get fed up. Everyone knew that something went down, but your drama was quite frankly starting to get annoying. Changbin felt especially frustrated. He was constantly trapped between you too, whether it was during class as the only other junior in your group, or at lunch. He had tried getting minho to spill, which clearly hadn't worked, so he went with his next best option. You.

Changbin hunted you down during one of your few shared classes and sat down next to you, all business. “You need to figure out what the hell's going on here.” He said firmly.

“Hmmm?” You replied distantly, barely paying attention. Changbin grabbed your arm and you swung around to jerk it away, making eye contact in the process.

“Y/n,” changbin growled, “if you don't get yourself together and fix this mess with minho I swear to God I will make you regret it for the rest of your life. I am sick and tired of your dramatic bullshit.”

You scoffed. “I don't want to talk to him, and even if I did, I promise he wouldn't listen to me. In case you weren't aware, we aren't exactly friends.”

“Fine.” Changbin said, folding his arms. “Tell me what happened and I'll go talk to him myself.”

“There's nothing to tell,” you retorted.

“I call bullshit. Everyone knows something went down that day. You can practically smell the tension whenever you're in the same room.”

“If you want to know so bad, ask minho yourself.”

“He won't talk about it. We've asked him a million times by now.”

You raised an eyebrow. “We?”

“Like I said, everyone knows. I don't know what you said but minho barely acts like himself anymore. Clearly something you said hit a sore spot. I don't know if this is one of those weird straight people courting rituals-”

“It definitely isn't that,” you butted in.

“I don't care. Figure. It. Out. No one is gonna do this for you.” with that changbin stood and moved to his usual seat right as minho walked in. The two of you made blood-curdling eye contact. If looks could kill you'd both be shooting at high noon.

But even as hatred boiled within you, you felt a tinge of guilt. Is he really that beat up? And is it my fault?

the only thing keeping you alive was coffee. Were you over-caffeinated? Probably. Was human communication your forte when you were actually sane, much less now? Nope. So you're not exactly sure why you're sitting next to minho's locker at 7:30 in the morning. But, he's walking up now, so there's no going back now.

It was safe to say minho wasn't happy to see you.

“The hell are you doing here?” He said coldly as he unlocked is locker.

“Uh, your friend pretty much threatened my life,” you replied, not knowing what to say.

Minho snorted. “Changbin's being overdramatic.”

“He said you were pretty torn up,”

Minho gritted his teeth, struggling with his lock. “Like I said, overdramatic.”

“Look man,” you sighed. “I don't like this anymore than you do. But we've kinda gotta figure this out.”

“There's nothing to figure. I think you were pretty transparent.”

You folded your arms. “Mmhmm. Because I was the only one who said shit. I'm pretty sure I recall some harsh words from you too,”

“Awwwww,” minho turned to you. “Did I hurt your feelings? I must not have noticed over all of your bullshit.”

“Are we really doing this now? It's been like two minutes and this day already sucks ass.”

Taking in a shaky breath minho said, “I don't know. Do you want to?”

You shook your head. “No. I got too much shit on my plate as is.”

Minho nodded. “Truce?”

“Truce.”

“So what's going on?” minho slid down and sat next to you. “Stuff at home?” He asked quietly.

You chuckled. “What makes you think I'll tell you this time?”

“because i'm asking nicely?”

you quirked an eyebrow.

“and because i’ll never let it go and i'd tell this entire school i made you cry if you don't.”

“why am i not surprised?” you sighed. “you're never gonna get over this?”

“nope.”

“and you swear you won't tell anyone?”

“cross my heart and hope to die.”

I'm talking to an actual fourth grader, you thought as you took a deep breath.

“it's my parents.”

“what about them?”

you tried to swallow the lump forming in your throat. “they're fighting. all the time. and now i have to pick up the slack and get my siblings to bed and get them up for school and do their damn jobs for them because they're so busy screaming at each other and half the time the fridge is empty because no one's going shopping and-” your voice cracked as you tried to hold back tears.

oh shit, minho thought. is she gonna cry? please don't cry. what are you supposed to do when someone's about to cry?! “that...that really sucks,” he said quietly.

you sniffled. “yeah. it does.”

“is that why…”

“i'm such a mess all the time? yeah. you try juggling two small children, schoolwork and very angry parents.”

“why don't you ask for help?”

“ask who?” you said sarcastically. “this may come as a surprise, but i don't have many friends.”

“i'll do it.” minho blurted, totally on a whim.

you looked at him, shocked. “i’m sorry, what?”

“i’ll help you. I'm good with kids, I swear.” Minho half-joked. Should I not have said that? Is that too weird? Is that something you're allowed to say?

“Why would you want to help me?” You said, suspicious.

Minho shrugged. “Why not? I don't have anything better to do. Plus if we don't look like friends by the end of the week, changbin promised some...very threatening weekend plans.”

You smiled despite yourself. “Well i wouldn't want you to be in danger.”

“Are you sure? I'm pretty sure you wanted to kill me not that long ago.”

“Shut up.” You rose, slinging your bookbag over your shoulder. “what are we gonna tell them?”

“About...this?” Minho gestured to the both of you. “i don't know. It'd be easier not to say anything at all.”

“Then let's not,” you shrugged.

“They're absolutely going to hate that,” minho pointed out.

“That's just an added bonus.” You winked. Minho chuckled in return. You were about to go to your own locker when you spun around suddenly. “Wait. How did you know it was changbin who threatened me?”

Minho laughed, and you were pretty sure the world shone brighter. “Who else was it gonna be? Felix?”

[elizabethrobertajones]

14x08 watching notes

This episode is the Worst I had to lie to my mum when I came downstairs trembling and tear-stained to get a cup of tea to recover, and play it all off as cold symptoms, and now I feel complicit in some sort of deceit with the episode and like Meredith broke the fourth wall through sheer pain.

Good morning, I slept in until seven after they started digging up the road outside at 9pm at night, so I still kinda have a lingering headache from that, but I'm pretty sure Meredith is about to make good on the Dean n Jack murder pact or something else of that level of awfulness so... *deep breath*

-

YAY it is Lily!! I mean it was pretty obvious from the costuming because wow she's a distinct person but idk maybe some people thought it was her mom?

Anyway getting a recap just of how terribly Jack is doing and then also a reminder of Lily Sunder is just.. Good recap. *kisses fingers*

(*curls up in agony*)

In all the drama I never noticed Rowena being among those who yelled "Jack!" when he went down and to be honest she knew him five minutes and I'm crediting all that panic in her voice to his absolutely ridiculous powers of being the most adoptable creature in the cosmos. You take one look at him and you want to make sure his shoelaces are tied properly and he has a glass of milk.

Anyway he totally caught Rowena off her guard and made her express an Emotion(TM) that was not spite and a good chunk of that is new and improved Rowena of the last year or so, but also just... She bonded HARD :P

-

Ironically I left the spoon in my coffee in my haste to get up here and start watching so now I will drink it like that and possibly exit the episode also wearing an eye patch

-

I watched a second and tucked the largest, most comforting stuffed toy this family owns under my arm. Yes, not my personal stash of friends, the family heirloom squishy guy who has been with us through all the worst stuff D:

-

The framing is Sam sitting at Jack's bedside, Dad no.1 as season 13 firmly established for us, and the dad with the closest traditional relationship of father/son to Jack. Then Cas hovers nearby, struggling to be as close but still Dad no.2 with the ongoing and uncomplicated connection to Jack in the sense that both just sort of accept they're now father and son without any debate or internal wrangling, and that's always been Jack's in with the family and the way he inadvertently got Cas to vouch for him from beyond the grave when he said Castiel was his father and Sam immediately just flipped to Team Jack, not, of course, that he'd not been giving him a huge chance and trying to reach out to him already, but that was his "oh shit this is now my son because Cas is dead" moment.

Finally, Dean fills the foreground, face in shadow, the conflicted Dad no.3 who can't even face his dying son, taking it personally because this is literally the fourth smol child he's taken under his wing who he then lost, from Sam, Ben, Emma, a truly tragic collection of lost children. He resisted adopting Jack because he couldn't be a parent again, not after what Sam put him through as a parent, and yet Jack, the most adoptable boy in the cosmos, eventually wormed his way under Dean's skin too, and by the end of season 13 Dean was acting fatherly towards him and by this season Dean's been opening up the doors and letting Jack be his son. And. Whoops. As SOON as you took him on a hunt for one on one father son bonding time, look what happened.

And so Dean will lurk in the foreground, not looking at Jack, peering moodily into some dark empty box that metaphorically is his soul or his remaining ability to cope with losing children or some such nonsense. The pandora's box of parenthood. He's full on dark romantic hero brooding.

-

OH  NO  IT IS A RECORD PLAYER NOT A BOX

-

I need our family to retroactively adopt a larger, squishier friend to hug in this trying time

-

Having archived every single one of my watching notes ever between last episode and this episode, I'm more than usually pained by Dean's "not meant to be crap" line because he's been resisting it the entire frikkin time, when Sam kept, even long long long before they knew their real destinies, musing if HIS own personal angst was meant to be and Dean was like don't give me that destiny crap. I swear there's lines about this back in season 2 or 3 when Sam is musing on his powers and the grim lot fate had dealt them. This is a callback line to Dean dealing with his own sense of unravelling control and pure panic about what was happening to Sam, back when that was a thing in the very early seasons and he was having to face the kid he raised from a baby amongst all that tragedy now recklessly declaring all sorts of horrific things about not being able to resist his destiny. Oh, also, in season 2, while under a murder pact from John about killing him if he couldn't save him.

Honestly, it's barely a relationship worth mentioning if you don't have a murder pact going with Dean. Ben is literally the only one of all 4 children AND CLAIRE who hasn't had one with Dean.

-

If this episode involves Dean bringing any of his records in to play for Jack I'm gonna go out in my pyjamas and take a long walk to the sea and then keep walking once I reach it

-

Dean you did not walk nearly far enough for Jack to not hear you thump the wall outside his room

-

PS: totally figured the promo scene was an early emotional beat between Dean and Cas which utterly delights me because the earlier that came in the episode the better as it meant less and less chance it was about anything other than Dean and Cas having an intense relationship over this whole thing.

-

Jack is the absolute worst about dying. He's this saintly angelic little boy from like, no later than 1900s literature, who exists only to bravely suffer and love with his whole heart. He's snatched out of an era when kids needed morality tales about how to die politely of consumption with the least amount of fuss for their parents and 300 siblings.

How dare you fucking die selflessly. Humanity is at its Bithc This Isn't Fair stage. Throw a fit. Go walk into the sea out of protest.

-

Okay you're in Kansas I understand how that is an unrelastic option and I grew up spoiled by the immediate location of the sea should I ever need to walk into it.

-

This show has never made me cry before the title card before.

-

This is the Pippin and Gandalf scene from Return of the King with the whole Into the West thing that they wrote for a sick fan who died before the movie came out and literally Annie Lennox sings what would be Jack's THEME for this scene.

-

Sam is horrified that Jack didn't even live long enough for a LotR marathon to explain the reference that's making him bawl.

-

I LOVE that this scene with Dean n Cas is just about Dean being a wuss about watching his son die because that's so much worse than Jack having asked for a mercy kill or anything. And this all before the title card. Cas tearing Dean a new one about going in and watching your son die smiling beautifully like a little cherub who can't wait to find out what happens next.

-

Jack's gonna be dead before the title card, isn't he?

-

Oof.

-

Hey, Dean, one more reason to hate yourself :) :) :)

-

Also robbed Cas of watching him go.

-

But I think tbh they could have done this if Dean wasn't being a coward about watching Jack die that they would leave Sam to sit at this side in the last moment.

-

Ugh, my eyes are leaking too much to type. What the hell is all this wet stuff coming out of them.

-

I've never seen a TFW shot where Sam was the shortest but he is slumped over like someone cut all his strings.

-

"Your brother's in pain" AND WE'RE NOT? YOU'RE NOT? CAS ISN'T?

-

Dean stopping Cas going after Sam with just a catch of his shoulder... Ugh. The two of them are still connected through all this in a way where Cas and Dean are connected whether Dean's in the most obvious pain or Sam is.

-

Cas, pls be selfish and in the most obvious pain at some point this episode.

-

Oh please don't make me watch Dean telling his mom that Jack died

please

I beg you

-

They put a photo of Kelly next to Jack's bed D: Or has he always had that?

-

That's not even the photo that Cas had pinned to his board in 12x10 and yes I went and checked, I'm leaking tears too much to watch because Cas is standing over him and this is going to be the worst while Dean's answerphone message lays over the top.

I'm so not here to watch TFW mourn their son.

-

They had him for like a WEEK this SUCKS.

-

ALso I said "please don't make me watch" so they cut away to Cas mourning silently while Dean talks to Mary's answerphone because Meredith is an evil fairy who whimsically takes your wishes and twists them into even worse options.

-

*takes my glasses off and throws them aside angrily when Sam emerges carrying a duffel over his shoulder and wearing the fucking orange jacket he first met Jack in*

-

God, I don't even wear them for focus, just lack of headaches. Why was I bothering.

-

7x10 and this episode are probably going to be unholy companions in this show's canon

"She's come down with acute Tear Duct Blockage. The only option is head amputation or we make her cry, NOW" "Don't worry, I have just the thing."

-

Dean this answerphone message huuuurts

Also explains the Buckleming issue of not calling Mary, to just say, yeah, it escalated, rapidly.

-

Your brother is storming off and Cas is broken.

-

If I have to see Cas see a set of PB&J crusts and a glass of milk identical to what Dean saw in 9x10 I'm - well, I'm still here instead of walking off into the sea so my threats are starting to look a bit performative. BUT I'M THINKING IT.

-

Cas watches Sam go, while Dean is being dwarfed by the bunker and obfuscated by its maze of corridors.

-

*presses my hands over my eyeballs* STOP. STOP IT. GOD. You're not even sobbing or anything you're just lEAKING. This is so annoying! I'm gonna dehydrate and they'll find a shrivelled skellington here and I'll go with just a few quiet sniffs and a dumb smile on my face like fucking Jack did.

Now I'm just distraught about the first time ever in canon we see Cas drive, it's in his dumb blue car and Dean's broken and not up for driving even if Sam presumably hadn't stolen the car for his errand/driving until he finds the sea and walking off into it mission. All my myriad fantasies about Cas behind the wheel of the impala and Dean grinning at him like yeah that's my baby (which one is he talking about?), and nope we're getting Cas's little partymobile and Dean's mute expression of grief.

-

NEVER MIND THEY SHOWED ME SAM CURLED UP ON THE GROUND USING THE IMPALA AS A BELOVED FAMILY HEIRLOOM TO HUG AND I SOBBED OUT LOUD FUCK  YOU MEREDITH FUCK YOU

-

I need the tissues why were they not here in preparation for this episode

-

I need to avoid my mum all day on the ground of spoilers because my face is a walking spoiler

-

"TELL ME YOU DIDN'T  MAKE A DEAL" "wha- no, I'm trying to make a pyre"

Making a pyre doesn't usually involve curling up on the floor.

Cas is getting an accidental glimpse of 13x01's emotional landscape, not that anyone will tell him this was what it was like for Dean, that we now have Sam in the spot of. We're getting some mirror image missing moments, like we just saw Dean get the axe out but did see him begging God... in this one we see Sam go take it out on a tree.

-

Incidentally I re-read all of Terrible Coffee AU two days ago for Reasons and the scene where Sam is whaling on a tree while screaming into the sky is pretty much this. Which is fucking hilarious that 2 years ago I decided Sam taking out his feelings on the local trees was a Thing when he was depressed.

(I wrote that scene the day Eileen was murdered on the show and honestly at the time he was mostly just angry on canon!Sam's behalf and I figured I'd come up with plot reasons later.)

-

Oh, they weren't driving the party!mobile, they were driving something else. I'm not even gonna ask where they get these vehicles

-

Yeah I'm harping on Dabb vs cars because Cas is talking about Jack's story ending like this and certainty of death for angels and this is just... the worst.

-

the story line - Cas deciding how their stories go. Dean resisting the how it's supposed to be of Jack's death. TFW want to take the narrative into their own hands. We KNOW in this world deaths are stored in notebooks, potential ways to pass that you skate past until one claims you. They're free to write their own stories but the ending is always pre-written for them... It's just a matter of which one. But Cas especially... Jack was supposed to bring paradise, and maybe the emotional landscape between season 12 and 14 is a gulf of difference in their openness and bonds, largely facilitated by Jack's presence in the narrative and relentless open love for everyone who was nice to him and even those who weren't in Dean's case. He breezed through their lives, manic pixie dream girl'd them to emotional health, and mayfly'd out. But that's THEIR stories. That's not JACK's story. That's not the epic destiny something as cosmically powerful as him was due, and the potential he was shown to have... It abruptly gets into the territory of Dany having her whole Stallion That Mounts the World prophecy for the son she lost... I've not watched the TV show since it diverged so wildly I couldn't hack it any more, but the books with everyone wondering if, like, Jon Snow was this guy instead, etc, picking this that and the other guy... what if Dany's lost child WAS the only one it applied to and the prophecy just fizzled out? ASoIaF looms over Jack's narrative... He's literally been framed against an Iron Throne in the past, and his character arc for parts of season 13 was a sort of anti-Joffrey in many ways. And then in death, GRRM's unromantic look at fairytales and heroic narratives comes for him too, that maybe it doesn't always happen like the stories say...

... but of course, he also has LotR coding, and in THAT regard, Sam Gamgee has his good old speech about the heroes in the stories and how we relate to them and are inspired by them and become them. The stories that matter. And Jack's was supposed to be one of those. In a way, their lives have been so epic that Jack mostly having a personal impact rather than a cosmic one seems wrong to them. That he didn't become the great hero of his own story, but was a tragic hero who ran a dramatic but personal arc and burned out because his asshole father killed him and his asshole uncle presumably finished him off with an experiment in grace transfusion. At least if my dashboard is to be believed :P It's inconcievable to TFW, the "making it up as we go" people who tore up the script and threw away the pages, that they can't just make this happen or that Jack didn't serve some great purpose. Even men as weary of Destiny as they are, struggle. Just because that was their lives, so how could the son of all three of them not follow in all his fathers' footsteps?

-

"Jack being taken before his time... Being taken before *me*" Cas shut the fuck up.

But that is the speech from Theoden, and once again Sam is Gandalf, which is fucking hilarious that Sam's been Gandalf TWICE this episode.

Ever it's grown on the tombs of my forebears...

you have four bears???

-

God dammit that joke didn't stop me crying as they go knock their glasses together and hold Jack's lil 3 dads wake

-

3 Dads Wake is a great name for a whiskey

-

God, Cas is drinking.

-

CAS.

-

They need to give him like one bottle to every finger of whiskey they drink but dammit if they don't get Cas loaded.

-

Letting them talk privately about how aweomse Jack was and not letting us hear it is a crime

-

Listen you don't even know me if you didn't think as soon as the nougat appeared on screen I didn't hit pause and sob for a whole minute with my hands over my face

-

Officially worse than bobby and the goddamn licorice conversation

-

Cas laughing with caramel hanging out of his mouth is the worst thing the sho whas ever done and I'm suing for emotional damage

-

Imagine being one of the bitter stans who hates one or more of TFW or Jack right now watching this scene. God, are you even human. They're eating Jack's secret nougat stash they all pretended they didn't know he had.

-

I can't believe I'm now thinking that Lily showing up will probably be a lighthearted way to bring up the mood of the episode.

-

Cas is offficially wobbly! We have Cas tipsyness!!

-

Sam tapping out first. Oh no. Don't leave. Don't.

-

Fuck you Sam Winchester how dare you canonically be the most lightweight of TFW consistently for the entire show and need to go crash off the side of your bed and sleep on the floor while Dean n Cas are still drinking together.

-

Did Dean seriously outdrink Cas.

-

Well that's... something.

I am gonna cling to that like a rock in the churning sea I have walked out into.

-

Also I managed to calm myself down with walking around my room taking deep breaths so I could go downstairs pretending not to be a wreck, so I could get tea, and my mum made me finish the sudoku for her. I don't have the heart to show her this episode. She loves Jack more than anyone in this god damn fandom and maybe more than Cas does. Maybe I'll lie to her and say the show ended last episode and Jack was fine hahahahaaaa

-

OH FUCK I hit play and there was a single line of dialogue for the whole wake. Dean drunkenly slurring to Cas, I think, you know we did everything we could, right?

I'm...

*walks further out into the ocean*

-

"Here's to you Jack, wherever you are" I am not okay.

-

Oh fork you Meredith we did not need to see the boy in Heaven eating burgers.

-

Oh fork you Meredith we did not need to see the boy in Heaven eating burgers while on a case with all of his dads.

-

OH SON OF A BENCH THIS IS THE DODGE CITY CASE AKA 13x06 MEREDITH YOU DINK.

-

Oh dear, Heaven is broken. Who was the ashhole who was saying that Jack should die so that he can go to Heaven so he's well-placed to help deal with all this nonsense.

-

LOL Jack would be the sort of person who goes to Heaven and doesn't need more than a second of prompting to be  like oh wait I am dead and in Heaven, and just, like... Go open the door. Just pop his head out like cooee I wanna hang with my dads anyone here to replace the bulb in the sun so I can carry on hanging out here for eternity?

Like, seriously, I'm dead, this is when I am supposed to catch a break.

-

Let The Boy Say Fork.

-

Listen, secondary to his power to be adopted by everyone on sight, Jack is uncanny also with just walking into trouble.

-

And to try and be clam for a moment, this is Jack getting pulled back into the story, but not just by unfortunate happenstance, because he was the one with the sharpness, the cosmic awareness even on this level that Heaven just doesn't quiiiiite work for him in the way it's supposed to even if say it was at full power, that he is the one who voluntarily not just understands instantly that something is wrong, but then is fully snapped back to his old self, and chooses to open the door, and that is the moment of choosing to continue his story, at least for now.

It's like how the last time we saw Bobby chronologically was in Inside Man and Cas and Sam woke him from his repose and got the fighting spirit back into him enough to open his own door and rejoin the story for one last hurrah... And it was a choice there too, a moment of once more telling the natural order to screw itself, Bobby could step outside the proscribed ending of his narrative one last time.

Unless Jack finds him and is adopted on sight today.

-

Sam looks way too healthy.

Invigorated by having a Plan

-

Lils. Finally getting to see the Bunker filled with all her stolen research notes.

And no that wasn't canon before, but boy am I hoping she recognises her research amongst all the bunker's angel lore.

-

Men stealing fuckin everything

-

"We've never looked through Kevin's angel tablet translations"

HAVEN'T WE?

NO

WE HAVEN'T

THEY HAVE BEEN THERE

FIVE

FUCKING

YEARS

And every forking time something comes up where they might be useful I say, HEY WHAT ABOUT KEVIN'S ANGEL TABLET TRANSLATIONS?

and the show says

hey so we don't have the angel tablet but we do have the demon tablet

and I'm like I'm sure that won't have any dumb side effects that could be avoided by having the angel tablet translation just on hand in your archive

did Meredith hear me screeching

because I screeched very very loud after 13x14

13x13 sorry

that was Bucklemming handing her the wrong fucking tablet

-

this is bitter vindication but feels even better than her and Bobo remembering the grace extracting needle in 12x19

-

Glynn is a fucking gift.

-

On the other hand this episode now is pulling on 9x06 and 12x10 at once and that makes me feel woozy

I can't deal with a Glockeybo combo

-

Also waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Kevin's handwriting. I can't deal with that AND Bobby memories AND FUCKING NOUGAT DEATH

-

Which I mean I do feel instantly better about once he opened the door and let himself back into the story and I stopped crying at once and cheered up and Lily is indeed providing much needed relief, wild as that all sounds.

-

Lily trying to explain her soul magic to Sam and Dean, rubes who haven't done a single enochian calculation in their lives.

Wait, no, Sam has done one, in ... 12x19 ...

But yeah, a rube and a completely self-taught asshole who knows like one thing about it.

And she's like oh yeah just use his soul and they're like AAH WTF LILY and she's like er this is the most obvious thing in the world what is the problem here

-

where are my cas reaction shots

-

Jack wearing an eyepatch for the rest of the show would be adorable and hilarious

-

"it won't cost much... he'll never miss it" trust me his soul is enormous and boated with sweet nougat love, he can spare it, guys.

-

Dean being able to say "Jack's dead" one day later, when he couldn't say it about Cas practically until he was BACK

-

Nice trade. TECHNICALLY nothing dodgy about it at all, at least in the sense that aside from resurrection consent issues from Jack, once he's back the choice is still on him to choose to grow old and die as Lily has done, or even to stop using the magic to sustain himself and die again immediately if he is squicked out by it... Or it all comes from trading on his OWN soul power.

Definitely better than demon deals or having any favours looming over them etc

And with Heaven in the state it's in, honestly sending Lily there might be easier than they think if NO ONE IS LEFT TO RUN IT.

Er, imminent ghostpocalypse issues aside.

-

We're in ghostpocalypse territory as of a minute ago show time, btw.

-

Cas has quietly observed all this chatter and we get back to him when he says, "Don't you think Jack should decide for himself" so honestly Cas is right there with me, and I always like when me and Cas are the ones agreeing on a thing in the episode.

-

Obligatory reminder that Sam is more aware than most about soul stuff

*takes another piece of coal off the pile I was going to send Meredith for ruining christmas*

-

HEY, ANUBIS.

Don't tell him about what they did to Osiris

Unless that would amuse him

Wait never mind Meredith is literally throwing in amusing snark about 7x04 which I think when Adam Glass disowned that episode (despite how I actually think it's really good and he was too hard on it) he never expected anyone would ever want to throw in amused references about it in canon ever again.

-

"When God left - sorry, long story - " Lily is one of the few people who seems able to conceptually roll with the nonsense TFW deals in all day.

She should join the squad. Always room for a 100 year old badass with deep enochian lore knowledge.

-

I'm sorry has Jack crashed Kelly's heaven or is this a rando little girl. I immediately thought she was Kelly in the long shot and they substituted a lil girl for POV when we got closer and actually had to go back and look again and she was the little girl all along.

-

This also conceptually looks so much like Cas's eternal tuesday afternoon.. A rainy, flower-filled garden.

-

Roosevelt looks SO much like the doggie in 11x20 aside from anything else

-

IT IS KELLY

-

This is horrifying since they never ever got to meet ever until now and I'm suing Meredith

-

I mean I'm already suing her but I'm just adding this to the list of complaints. My laywers are working overtime on this episode.

-

FORK!! THEY GOT HER BACK FROM LEGENDS OF TOMORROW FOR A DAY!!!!

-

Can Kelly and Jack go on a rampage around Heaven to fix things?

-

Her hair is suspiciously darker from the back which I think is her Legends look from the gifs I've seen

-

Wait, Bobby had a forking dog called Rumsfeld, and Kelly has Roosevelt.

-

"Hi mom you're dead"

".......................................................... NOooOoOooooOOoo No no no baby no"

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

-

Dean resisting the spell and complainging "gotta happen, no other way" is making me feel like the Heaven Drama is going to smack them right before they can get it all done and give them a LOT MORE to worry about than Jack but also give them a roundabout way to see him again and also, of course, mean Lily might be useful for an entirely other purpose while she's here...

-

Dean right now is rationalising this through the lens of that all their terrible deals have been terrible and that this is just one more step on the Winchester life and death merry-go-round, and of course that Jack is about to get the full family treatment he deserves. But that's the Winchester lens of looking at things that even when deaths are brutal and lives cut unfairly short, there's going to be a way to bring them back if they haven't finished their stories. John finished his, in 2x22 seeing Dean get the revenge he needed to be at peace, but everyone else...

Is it ethically right to put Jack on that merry-go-round when he smiled sweetly and died with as much enthusiasm as he gave pretty much everything in his life?

-

The table lamps are out in the bunker D: them being dark is so ominous

-

And Cas shows up like shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit something worse going on guys

-

They're so casual about just summoning gods into their front room these days

Of course they're doing it in the spot in front of the door with the war room behind in one direction... The opposite end of the library to where they opened the rift.

-

Sam picks his way through the wet paint but Dean stands right in the centre of this circle for SUMMONING THE GOD WHO DECIDES WHO LIVES AND DIES AND WHERE THEY GO to have this lil chat with Lil?

-

And now Dean steps out of it and corners her with the obvious question - what's wrong with your magic and why are you risking going to Hell to stop using it entirely?

-

I'm so sorry you have to look at more dead angels, Cas

I'm also so sorry they were killed by black slime because wow after season 7 that was a laugh and a half for you

-

... Can you swear in the hallways of Heaven?

-

DUMA LIVES

(probably "for now" though hopefully longer than that)

Ma'am are you aware you have a Nougat on the loose too

I'd love it if Cas is like hi what's happening also have you seen my son

-

This actress needs to come back for a 3rd time to follow Dean around in a crisis moment.

-

OH NO now Cas is coming to the heaven memory and seeing what Jack considered his best memory

-

YEAH. I knew Naomi would show up, I just didn't know when :D

(She wasn't in the credits as far as I could tell but I already sort of knew they were leaving people off? Or maybe I was thinking lol I bet Amanda Tapping is in this episode and they won't tell us... On the other hand she mAY have been in the credits but I was WEEPING MY EYES OUT so didn't clock her despite my efforts to hold myself together and see who was coming up on screen)

-

Naomi doesn't have the most dramatic entrance on the show but she sure is racking up points for good entrances one at a time each time she appears. She never just, like... toddles onto screen normally.

-

"Perhaps the angel side of him knew he was in Heaven" honestly the most tragic thing I was trying not to think about is that he knew the entire time but he was willing to play along and enjoy hanging with his dads for eternity despite that.

-

Oh man it's another dispute over who owns Jack. Is this kid never going to be allowed to just sit and eat burgers and nougat? (Hopefully not at the same time)

-

Also based on last episode where it seemed like the Empty was awakening but had Lucifer's eyes and we were all NOOO fork that!! is there some more complicated forked up aspect to what's going on or is it just itself and awake and coming for Jack?

-

I love how Naomi just casually knows how many people are in Heaven

-

"What's one nephilim boy against all that?" "But he's MY nephilim boy!!"

-

OH NO NAOMI

-

NOT LIKE THIIIIIS

-

We better get an answer on her state by the end of the episode because she's my fave villain bar Metatron on the entire show and devouring her in shadow is just... yikes.

-

"give it a sec" *POOF* Anubis is prompt, okay.

-

He probably honestly is somewhat slighted that they're 14 years into their career and he hasn't clapped eyes on them.

-

"Yeah, we've died." "A LOT."

-

I honestly, at this point, do not blame them for their lax attitude towards the permanence of death. They need a lot of counselling they're not getting and until they do they really are going to always be terrible at this.

-

A brief moment where Anubis is like, am I going to get Flirty Banter with Dean Winchester?? and he looks at him and Dean's eyes are all dead and "my son is dead" and Anubis sighs like welp not today oh well better luck next time, if I survive this...

-

Getting flirty banter with Dean is a sign of high honour and takes you to some very interesting places.

-

Into Dean if you stick with it like Crowley did

-

And Lily's been standing there this whole time like wow these boys suck up all the attention in the room and I kinda hate them

-

Oh I LOVE this abacus. Is this some nerdy ass research that meredith did to know better than most what to expect here? Even I haven't heard this one, though I haven't really revisited Egypt lore after the expected Egyptology phase as a kid...

Anyway the half white half black beads are super interesting in a wider show symbolism way.

-

Oh deeear, Lily.

-

Of course that instantly makes you fascinated about what would happen if TFW stuck their hands over it.

-

What a good line on the show's philosophy about making your own fate - it's not destiny or a choice from above or anything like that. Your individual actions get you sent to Heaven or Hell in the natural course of things and it's weighed in such a way all he can do is use his equipment to read which way you're going... Everything else is down to you. Free Will, write your own story.

Of course, if Lily did some huge sacrifice I bet she could change things.

-

CAS LAUGHED

ugh this episode should be banned.

-

If you hug Kelly I'm rioting.

-

Everyone who ever hugs Cas slaps their hands firmly on Misha's broad shoulders like it's law and digs in and I don't know if it's because Cas has this wonderful presence about him that even when you're around Misha acting him in the moment you get swept up in it, or you just want to hug Misha like that, but Cas hugs look like the most amazing hugs in the universe and everyone just GOES for it.

Also I am typing this nonsense because I literally used up my box of tissues earlier and the next option is stealing a roll of toilet paper. So I will snark and try and ward off the sobbing.

-

"I'm so sorry. I failed you." Kelly, who has spent about 5 minutes in Jack's presence and understands his nature even beyond her blind faith in him from before but now gets to see the evidence of it: "You didn't. You didn't."

Yes, please can more characters tell Cas that he did a good job even when things don't quite go to plan. Dean's drunken slurring about how they did the best they could, this...

Kelly tells Cas how wonderful Jack is like Cas doesn't know and Cas breaks up.

And you know what this looks like and I'm not going to survive typing this and can already feel my eyeballs filling up with water... 10x20 and Jimmy and Amelia talking about Claire at the end of the episode oh god I hate it take it away from me.

-

Oh good Cas telling Jack we need you alive to fix Heaven but just in a passive way where you not being dead means the Empty backs the fuck off rather than you having to DO anything

-

Ooops the Empty is here as Dumas. I suspect she's not surviving this episode but MAYBE Naomi survives.

-

I am saying with full wishful thinking after seeing her completely consumed by black goo

-

I do like the concept of "THERE ARE MAJOR STAKES TO RESURRECT THE BOY. BRING HIM BACK THIS INSTANT. LITERALLY SAVE THE UNIVERSE BY BRINGING THE NOUGAT SON BACK TO EARTH." because that makes it so much different from "hey bring me back and maybe accidentally unleash some terrible evil in the process but we'll deal with it later  because that's what we do"

-

"HE'S OUR KID" Sam snaps

I hate it, thanks

For the love of god appeal to  her more as a fellow parent.

-

Dean DIRECTLY EQUATES Jack and May

Hold me

-

Equating no soul to not being human in front of Sam aka our no soul test case. Owie. Another reminder of just how hard Dean took it in season 6 until he got Sam back, all that skin crawling feeling of being around him...

You know what? Jack reminds me of the sort of example nice ensoulled Sam stuff we saw in 6x12 when Jared was allowed to play over the top sweet and uncomplicted for a few scenes, just to be a total contrast to how he'd been acting thus far in the season. Of course, we saw him for like 3 scenes of Dean smiling in pure relief when Sam did Nice Things before it all got complicated again, and Jack's been a long-time character :P But Sam does have a sweet street that when it emerges in the rare times it can be uncomplicated, is I think the closest equivalent to where Jack's innocent sweetness is drawn from. He's the son of Sam's puppy dog eyes specifically.

But yeah I think Lily just needs to have this resistance and anger about it all to make it so much more of a flip if she were to decide to do the spell, so that it counts as an even gooder good deed to MAYBE flip her chances. By giving her a good work to do.

And hey maybe if she meets Jack for a minute she'll love him and then be changed by the experience and go out and do more good things etc etc.

-

DUMAS IS SO GOOD AT BEING CREEPY!!

-

Misha hammed the FORK out of being the Empty and now she has to live up to it and she IS.

-

CAS don't fight the Empty by trying to stab it, fight the Empty by humming this is the song that never ends.

-

*makes a disgruntled sad noise about being forced to see Jack laid out on a table in his cute lil PJs with his cute lil socks*

-

Wait, if Lily does this spell does this mean she's using up the last of her soul to do it and going to the Empty anyway?

-

ANGRY LIONESS KELLY COMING TO YELL AT THE EMPTY AND GIVE IT A PIECE OF HER MIND

I've just paused after her yelling "STOP" but whatever happens next, she leaped in when Cas was getting kicked around and that's BAD ASS.

-

Hitting Kelly is like... probably a rage button Jack didn't even know he had so I would like to see how that goes over, but we cut to them trying to resurrect him.

-

I forking love how this is 2 seasons in a row where the message seems to be that you live to spite nihilism and the bitter end of death.

-

D'aw even though Sam said they'd pray it was Dean who used prayer to reach out to Cas in Heaven to give him that heads up. Like, totally practical rather than the sort of prayer he's made before to Cas that was all emotional appeal, but, let's save our son, huh?

-

CAS NO DON'T SAY THAT

The Empty might also really want to think about that because it knows you forking suck to keep around so trading yourself for Jack is like... really? do I really want that? :P

-

"Not for years. EONS, MAYBE." Cas, bud. I love you. I want you to stay alive that long. Do you really forking think that with the life you lead you have eons left? I mean it's really heartening to hear you talk about yourself this way. But I have to ask.

-

The Empty telling Cas that it'll come for him when he finally lets himself be happy is forking hilarious. Cas hasn't been happy once in his life and he doesn't plan to start now. Eons, maybe.

Just like that, he's unlocked eternal, grumpy life. Take notes, Lily.

-

I mean on a practical level this is basically like, yeah, this is why Destiel isn't canon, because as soon as Cas allows himself to be happy, he's ALWAYS known he gets punished for it. In 4x20 he rebelled for Dean and was instantly dragged back by Naomi... This sense of another mission, never belonging, always being on the outside and not getting the emotional resolution he needs, and actively running from it at times or throwing himself in the way of danger to make Dean be happy without him... it's interesting honestly that the Empty is here as Duma and not Naomi as she's been the agent of hoiking him back from happiness enough times in canon... And that fear of losing everything as soon as you're happy? That's what first kept Dean from Jack and then as soon as he really truly fathered Jack, happened to him. Like, that's Team Free Will's entire life story, starting with Jess, to date, here with the Empty making this threat.

-

Duma survived!!

-

Cas... really could have just bought a few minutes to do the spell rather than given himself that burden >.>

But he's determined to make a more lasting sacrifice, one that ensures this won't happen again with Jack, that he can always die whenever he wants and go to Heaven and not be bothered here.

-

Oops Jack's angry now. Now he's seen a dad sacrifice for him, he's suddenly got a case of the Winchester Angsts. Dean in season 2, for starters. Not a good place to be D: Dean in season 2 is proportionately his worst season.

-

I'm not crying because I think I already died earlier in the episode, but that was... truly awful... to watch Cas tell Jack he's at peace with it and he loves him and everyone loves him and then Kelly butts in like I LOVE YOU TOO and mom him a bit with straightening his jacket and hugging him and... UGH.

-

Lily has either the start of a heart attack or loses her soul entirely in the background and wanders into a corner to die? Er.

-

OH HEY WE ALSO MANAGED TO GET THE WORST DEAN HUG SINCE 2x22 WHEN HE GRABS JACK. NEVER SEEN HIM HUG LIKE THAT BEFORE, DON'T WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN THANKS

-

Nope, she just dieded.

Let's hope she went to heaven and we get a super corny young Lily surprise Alicia Witt return moment at the end since this episode is just throwing everything at it.

-

It's Anubis' office!!!

Wow, that's a noisy annoying place to work

Still, I LOVE these visualisations of where the cosmic forces of the universe work

-

I called it super corny but I'm DYING to see Lily's fate change.

-

"Say hello to your daughter for me" DOn't make me cry about Lily please I beg you I am run dry

-

OH THANK GOD NAOMI SURVIVED. Hooooooraaaaay!!!!!!! Oh this is a wonderful ending to a perfect episode to not have to deal with her having being consumed and left dead off-screen somewhere.

-

LOL that slam as he realises what's up and even though she obviously can do what she wants, he's still protectively closing Kelly's door to put a barrier between her and Naomi.

-

"I'm here to thank you"

Oldest trope in the book, but I love when they look over their shoulder to see if "you" is someone else, and Cas, unflappable Cas, in Naomi's presence, still checks the infinite empty corridor.

-

*double checks*

"...... you're welcome?"

Wheee unlocked new plot for altrusim!

-

Ahahaaaahaaaaaaaaa Jack wrapped in a fluffy grey robe. Listen. I am

not

okay.

Jack with his burger and Dean's dead guy robe, spitefully living...

-

I bet Dean made the burger

-

WHY did I type that when I knew how likely it was to make my eyes burn.

-

I did not cry at the last scene of them all at the table so I am going to eat extra cookies at lunch as a reward.

And Jack and Cas sharing a little glance, knowing what Cas did. Father and Son's first dire family secret! :')

-

And gently roll the camera away to credits to leave them to their happy little scene.

-

Presumably with a slow fade so you can fumble for some more tissues.

Gyah.

[yoosungiib]

Sorry 'bout adding another request to your list, but what about the RFA + minor trip and a MC who's overly-food-sensitive during her time of the month? Like, she sees they're out of hot cocoa or sausage rolls and totally starts to sob because she says, and I quote,"I just wanted one more,"?

I. Relate.

RFA + Minor Trio w/an MC overly-food-sensitive during her time of the month

~~~

★ Yoosung ★

Yoosung immediately threw his headphones and shut out of LOLOL when you came into his room, tear streaks down your face and your eyes swollen.

“Baby? Cutie? What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did I do something?”

You shook your head before running into his embrace and sobbing into his chest.

Smol cinnamon bun is confused.

“MC? Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I… I just wanted one more.”

Yoosung crooked a brow and maneuvered you against him so he could tilt your head back and look into your eyes properly.

“One more what?”

“One more piece of cheese. We are all out of cheese, Yoosung, all out of cheese!”

Confusion. You’re crying over… cheese?

He laughed awkwardly, moving you to sit in his spinny chair and pushing the hair out of your face. “W-well, that’s ok. I’ll go get us some cheese! You just sit here and play games if you want.” He puts his coat on and is just about to go out the door but stops, turning to face you and ask, “Do you by any chance need… um… tampons?”

“You’ll get me some of those too?”

Yoosung chuckles, giving you a thumbs up and going out the door. “Superman Yoosung will do anything to save his lady in distress!”

♪ Zen ♪

He was just cleaning up his face when suddenly the bathroom door opened, you walking in with your head down.

He was about to make a joke about you being impatient but you suddenly looked up, revealing your pale face and red eyes.

Protective boyfriend activated.

“Princess, what’s wrong? Come here,” he cooed pulling you to his chest and letting you cry into his shirt.

Zen with his arms wrapped around you protectively lead you out of the bathroom and brought you to the living room. He sat you down on the couch then knelt before you, one hand resting on your thigh and the other cupping your cheek. He swiped a tear away and gave you a tender smile.

“Zen,” you sniffled. “We are out of chicken.”

His caresses stopped and he gave you a confused look. “I’m sorry?”

“Chicken, Zen! We are out of chicken!” you shouted before bursting back into tears, pulling your legs up to your chest and collapsing back down on the couch.

He was really confused for a moment, but then it suddenly clicked.

“MC? Don’t take this the wrong way, but… are you on your period by any chance?” With your head still covered by your hands, and your body plopped on the couch, you nodded, letting out another sniffle. Zen chuckled, rising once he kissed your head.

Zen would be your prince, your knight in shinning armor, and he would get you chicken, chocolates, and anything else you may need.

❀ Jaehee ❀

I mean, she probably relates. 

It was time for her third cup of coffee; Jaehee just settled down her work and was stretching out the chair, tiredly walking to the kitchen,

But she stopped in her tracks when she saw you staring aimlessly into the fridge with tears running down your face.

She rushed to your side, closing the fridge and pulling you into her arms.

“MC? Are you ok? Do you need to sit down for a moment.”

“Jaehee…”

You sounded so defeated. Jaehee’s concern was growing by the minute.

Did someone hurt you? Did something happen? Did she do something? So many possibilities were spinning in her head as she tried to figure out what could have happened to make you cry. She hates to see you cry.

It’s heartbreaking.

She sat you down at the kitchen table and proceeded to rub your back, speaking softly to you ask she asked once again what was wrong.

“I was so looking forward to it,” you started, hiccuping a little as you cried. “I just wanted… one more. But no, I can’t even have that.”

“One more what, darling?”

“One more slice of pizza.”

Jaehee was baffled. She stopped stroking your back and pulled back a little, her brow crossing together and her lips parting slightly. “I’m sorry? You’re crying over a slice of pizza?”

“Yes! Pizza is the only thing that will take this pain away.”

“What pain?”

“My cramps!” Now Jaehee knew what was happening. You were on your period. She laughed a little, slightly exasperated. She told you she would order you and her a pizza once she was finished with her work. For now, she had you lay on the couch and watch one of Zen’s musicals with a blanket around you and a heating pad.

☂ Jumin ☂

Jumin dropped everything, including his cup of tea all over his important paperwork when you came into his office distraught and in tears.

He was quick to your side, pulling you to him and in his warm embrace. “Shh. Shh, sweetheart. Don’t cry, don’t cry. Crying will not do you any good.”

He pulled back and wiped at your tears, then cupping your face in his large hands and giving you a gentle smile.

“Are you in any pain?”

“I just wanted one more, Jumin.”

You took Jumin’s hand and lead him to the kitchen solemnly. On the counter was an empty box of crackers. He looked at you confused as you handed him the empty box.

A single tear slipped down your face as you pitifully said, “Just one more cracker, Jumin. They’re so good. So tasty… but they’re all gone.”

“You’re kidding right?”

Jumin is not the most sympathetic in this situation; he thinks this is pretty ridiculous and stupid.

But either way, you are crying, and he will not allow this.

He has every box of crackers at the closest supermarket purchased and brought to the penthouse. The amount bought could feed a whole country!

When your period is over, you apologize for the breakdown you had over the crackers and explain that you have always been overly-food-sensitive during the time of your month.

Jumin just laughed and kissed you. You are so different from everyone he has ever met. He really loves you, especially now learning another of your weird, yet fascinating quirks.

☺ Seven/Saeyoung ☺

Naruto’s it to where you are. Defender of Justice can not let his 606 cry! And when he sees you in your shared bedroom through the cctv cameras crying, he’s running to you to save the day.

Jumps on the bed next to you, the bounce on the bed enough to bounce you up in the air, but fall back down into Seven’s embrace.

Shushing you softly, he tucks your head underneath his chin and hums softly.

“Ah, ah! Please don’t cry! It’s break my poor heart! What can I do to stop these tears?”

“Seven? Did you eat the last of the ice cream?”

The red head shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure Saeran did.”

“O-oh. Well then that’s ok. He deserves it more.”

“Did you really want some ice cream?” Seven asks. You nod shyly, hiding your face in the crook of his neck.

Seven lets out a loud laugh before flipping you onto your back causing you to squeak, but suddenly go into a fit of laughter as he pushes up your shirt and starts blowing numerous raspberries into your stomach.

It’s not until he starts to kiss your stomach, his lips slowly going down to the waistline of your pants that you start to push him away. “N-no, Seven! You can’t go there… right now…”

He lets out a laugh, leaning up to kiss your lips then nose before grinning. “Oh, honey, please, I know you’re menstruating. Why else would you be crying over ice cream?” A deep blush crosses your face, causing Seven to let out another hardy laugh as he pinches your cheeks. “Come on, let’s go get some ice cream! And Saeran will come with us! And then we can go to the supermarket and stock up on some ice cream to have even more tonight. That sounds fun, doesn’t it? Defender of Justice 707 can fix anything!”

❆ V ❆

A huge, bright pink line goes straight down across the latest painting he was working on when he hears the sudden, pained sob.

He drops his palette and hastily follows the sound of your crying until he finds you at the kitchen table with your head hidden between your arms.

Slowly, he sits besides. He does not touch you right away; he doesn’t want to startle or upset you. He whispers your name softly until you look up from your arms.

“My shining star? What’s made you cry this hard? Can I please help you?”

You let out a breathless laugh, wiping at your face. “Yes, but you don’t need to help me.”

“Of course I do,” he says with a grin. “You’re my darling wife, and I’ll do anything for you.”

“So… you’ll get me some more carrots?”

“C-carrots? Is that what you were upset about.”

Shyly, you hid your face, but turned back towards V to playfully swat his shoulder as he laughs. “As you wish, darling. Is there anything else that you need?”

You hide your face again as you mumble that chocolates would be nice…. As well as some pads.

☻ Saeran/Unknown ☻

He was on the computer, lounging on the couch when he suddenly heard your soft crying coming from the kitchen.

Concerned, he put the computer down and hurried to the kitchen.

He stopped at the entrance of the kitchen, gasping a little at you on the ground, clutching something to your chest as you cried.

Poor boy is confuSION.

You were fine a hour ago. In fact, you were rather chippy that he found it a little odd. You’re normally a happy person, but not like that.

And now you’re on the ground crying?

And what are you holding?

“Eh? MC? What’s wrong?”

You slowly looked up to him revealing your tearstained face. Saeran can never bare to see your face streaked with tears. It makes him sad. He got down on his knees and gently wiped some of the tears off your face.

He then looked down to see what you were holding to your chest, but was shocked to see that it was only an empty cookie box.

“Why are you holding an empty box?”

“I just wanted one more, Saeran. One more.”

“What?”

“Cookie! I wanted one more cookie! That was all I wanted but there are none left,” you wail before breaking back out into sobs.

b r u H

Saeran rolled his eyes and let out a deep sigh. Obviously, he wasn’t gonna let you just sit on the floor and cry, but he was a little confused as to why an empty box of cookies caused such a reaction from you.

“Come on, quit crying, we’ll go to the store and get some more.” At that, you were suddenly happy once again, wiping your own tears and letting Saeran drag you to the car.

As he drove to the store, he kept thinking about your mood changes, and he was still just so confused as to why you were crying over cookies. You rarely ever cry unless it’s something dire or you’re hurt. But today you were crying over cookies.

But then it popped in his head.

“You’re fucking bleeding again aren’t you?” You nodded timmedly, a faint blush on your face. “Ah, fuck.”

✌ Vanderwood ✌

The last thing he wanted to come home to is the cries of his girlfriend. He puts his stuff down and follows the sounds of your cries.

He’s really confused when he finds you standing in front of the fridge, wiping at your face furiously.

“I just wanted one more, one more,” you kept saying.

“MC? What is this?” Vanderwood asks, slowly approaching you.

He looks in the fridge – nothing looks out of place or wrong. So why are you crying? And why are you crying this hard for god sakes.

“Oi, that’s enough crying, hey,” Vanderwood says trying to take a softer tone. “Can you tell me whats wrong?”

“I wanted one more, Vanderwood,” you say softly, looking up into his amber eyes. 

Vanderwood lets out a sigh. “One more of what, MC, I need you to be a little more specific, hun.”

“One more chicken nugget. But we are all out!” you say, a few more tears slipping down your face.

double b r U H

“Oh, come on, MC, this is ridiculous.”

Has even less sympathy then Jumin. But again, he cannot bare to see you cry so he will fix this.

He sets you up on the couch with a blanket covering you and a cup of tea, and he promises to go to the store and get more chicken nuggets for you.

Truth be told, Vanderwood is really confused as to why chicken nuggets set you into a crying fit. You are not one to cry unless it’s something really serious, so what is up with you crying over blasted chicken nuggets?

Everything becomes clear to him when he sees the bed sheets in the washing pile and blood on them. Though he’s a little frustrated with the outburst over chicken nuggets, he understands to some extent that a woman’s period is painful, and during a woman’s cycle, their emotions can be pretty high.

He definitely plans to start monitoring your period.

He sucks in his pride and babies you for the day. Vanderwood has always been gentle with you, or more gentle with you than anyone else. But now knowing how sensitive you are, he works to be extra tender by willingly giving you messages to your stomach and bringing you all the tylenol you may need.

He also feeds you the chicken nuggets he buys! And he actually enjoys it. Just the smile on your face as he brings the piece of chicken to your lips is enough to make him realize he’d get you the moon for you if he could.

~~~

Requests are closed right now, but to find rules of requests you can check out my masterlist page!

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[amoonmermaid]

Christmas Carol || season special! w/ Jaehyun

freckels

i had to jam to christmas songs to get some inspiration kjcsbhsdhbkd i’m so lame lmao

leT’S gEt StaRtEd 

warnings: mention of alcohol

You and this bby smol precious bean have known each other since y’all were 8 y/o

and like the firt time you saw him at your door on a summer evening you were like omg mom who’s dis boi, he has cooties eww

but like two days later you went all ok he has nothing at all, we’re fine and actually you got along pretty well, mainly bc your moms obliged you to talk to each other lol 

and after that week of knowing 8y/o yous time passed and y’all got to see each other grow up an bloom into a pretty flower lmao and since that sole week you two were inseparable

now you were in your 20′s, broke college studets, happily broke college students

y’all enjoyed of your majors and your students life over all, it was... interesting, to say the last

you had plenty of friends in common, with whom you partied and studied and did almost everything

almost, bc doing everything with you was jae’s job just like johnny

aHeM

e v e r y o n e noticed the little things going in between you two, but n o  o n e dared to say a thing bc

jae: catch these fists, i dOn’T lIkE HEr

you: i don’t even know him ewww

to say the least, you had this some thing, but it’s whatevs

well enough back story lmao

holiday break started and y’all were free to do whatever the fuck you wanted with your little spare time

and your friends + jaehyun agreed to go to this new bar just a few block away from uni to celebrate the end of finals and the cherished holiday break before heading home to spent the parties

y’all missed mama so much

but out of nowhere, some of your friends cancelled and you were all :((

so now it was only johnny, winwin, ten, mina, wendy, momo, yugyeom, jungkook, jackson, jennie, jehyun and you

ofc there’s actually a lot of you, but what did you expected from a 20+persons friend group????

so y’all headed to the bar, looking pretty and shit, y’all stationed yourselves at a booth on the very end of the bar and talked a little at first before getting to the drinkinggg

and it all was pretty chill, the music of the bar was into the early christmas mood, playing Frank Sinatra’s xma’s classics and having little ornaments hanging al over the place, it all mixed so well with the alredy cold weather

so to get your bodies warmed up, you ordered a bottle of  Moët & Chandon bc you are fancy as fuck  and cheered for surviving yet another semester of hell

soon, the champagne bottle was empty and was replaced by two bottles of Smirnoff and mojitos delicately held by some of the girl’s hands

you, on the other hand and playing your mom role, decided to not drink as much as the others, alcohol was not needed for you to have fun, you could just chat with your tipsy friends and laugh at jungkook’s clumsyness

Mina, being your wife and second mom usual self, approached you with the half empty glass of the rosé liqud served at the begining of the evening on one hand, and her coat on the other, asking you if you wanted to get some fresh and cold air to just kill some time

“how long do you think they’ll last until one of them throws up?” she asked in a non comical tone, sipping the fruity beverage before turing your way

her voice distracted you from the muffled sound of Mariah Carrey’s voice, turning to her while you leaned over the railing of the balcony on the second floor of the bar

“i don’t think they’ll last any longer, Momo and Ten already danced to winter wonderland twice” you shrugged with a small grin plastered on your face, the fresh memory of momo spilling some vodka over winwin’s white button down playing on your head

Mina was about to open her mouth and say something between the lines of a disappointed mother when a sober yugyeom came hurriedly to you, begging you to make jaehyun stop crying and also quit singing in an off tone way

“Johnny already did his best, but the crying fucker only pushed him away and took one of the bottles to use it as his microphone”

You frowned at his statement, jae was usually one of the lasts to get drunk, why the hell was he in that state with just two and a half hour of arriving?

huffing and giving mina an apologetical look before heading downstairs, where you could already hear the loud voice of a distressed Johnny and Ten trying to calm jaehyun down

failing miserably when the latter met your eyes and immediately broke into another fit of sobs and even more unnecesary tears damping his cheeks and the collar of his button down

“Y/NNNNN~~~, babyyyy.... why don’t you loooovee meeee?”

an eye roll instinctively adorned your face, followed by and embarrassing blush that could easily be mistaken by the effect of alcohol in your system

you aproached the trio with a serious and motherly look on your face, ignoring the dancing jennie and jungkook in the background

“I’ll take him to the dorms, he’s already had way too much” you said a little bit louder than usual so you could be heard over the loud and ambiguous christmas music

Ten and johnny nodded in agreement while you took the bottle off jaehyun’s hold and placed it over the table before taking him by the arm and dragging him with you towards the exit

“Oow, baby you’re huuuurting meee!” he looked down to your tight grip on his upper arm with a small pout and damp eyes, walking clumsily by your side

you ignored his slurred words, tightening your hold a little bit more until you were out of the bar and asked him not to move an inch from where he was while you went to get the car

he nodded at you wit a pout still adorning his face, he looked you in the eyes while you asked for the keys and gave them to you without a single flickering of his eyes

he waited patiently for you to get the car while he still mumbled the lyrics of Last Christmas, tears treatening to fall again just because the lyrics did get him

when you parked a few metres from his again crying form and opened the door for him, he started to sing loudly yet again, earning an eye roll from you and some petty giggles from the people around him

Once again, you had to drag him with you to get him in the car, fastening his seatbelt and rolling dow th window in case he needed to throw up

going out with him usually ended up like this: he would get over his limit and make a total fuss over some dumb shit, you’ve expressed him the frustration of babying in said situation and scolded him for not being rational over the amount of alcohol he ingested

for him, this time it wasn’t some dumb shit, the fuss was mainly because of you

you’ve been in his mind the moment he met you, and he tohught he was the luckiest person whenever you were with him, he loved your bright smile and the way you always smelled like a mix of vanilla and baby lotion

he sighed loudly as he looked out the window, chin resting over the palm of his hand, he felt his eyes getting wet yet again and soon the small lines of salty tears adorned his cheeks and quiet sobs began to erupt from his mouth

“Jae-...” you hesitated at first, watching fro the corner of your eye the way tears fell from his jawline “what is it about, this time?”

“It’s nothing”

“It is clearly something... y’know, you always do this: first you tell me you’re fine, even tho you crearly aren’t, and by the time we’re at your dorm, you spill the beans, so like.. want to skip the drama and tell me already?” your tone was slightly cheerful and soft, even if you werea little bit mad at him, you couldn’t snap at him, you had no reason and you never wanted one

he didn’t answer for a few minutes, you could only hear his quiet sobs and his random sighs “just drive”

after that, you didn’t said a word, not until you were in the uni parking lot, where you got out of the car immediately ad opened the door for jaehyun to get off, you could tell he got sobber and more concious, but he still worried you, so you followed him silently to his dorm, and once you got there you asked once again

“what is it?”

he froze at your small voice, turning ever so slightly just to look over his shoulder and spare a quick glance at you “i said it’s nothing, you can go back to the bar if you want”

you were pissed, he never acted like this and just a few minutes ago, he was all needy and kept calling you pet names, and out of nowhere he was acting like a brat

just before he could close the door in your face, you pushed him further into his dorm and slamed the door shut behind you

“what’s wrong with you, jae?”

he flinched at your harsh tone, looking everywhere but your eyes between his playing hands and a nervous gulp “i don’t know w-what you are talking about...”

“what’s with the sudden change? why won’t you tell me what’s going trough your drunk head?” you took a few steps closer to him, you tone dropping and giving space to your softer side, your hands moved up to wipe away the tears that still covered his face

he moved away from your hold with a small ache of his heart and sat himself on the edge of his bed, looking out the window with a   barely visible pout “why do you act like you care?” he mumbled with sadness in his voice

“i’m not acting-”

“yes, you are, you’ve always acted like it, damnit!”

now you were truly mad, and just a little bit sad, but anger was the only important thing takng over you

“first of all, you stupid, do you think i would act like i give a damn about you for twelve years straight? like, are you really that dumb or what?”

he looked at you with sad puppy eyes and a glimpse of anger inside his eyes “i-... “

“oh my god... i really can’t believe that, after almost fifteen fucking years of friendship, you think i’m that shit of a person...” you shook you head in desbelief, you felt the back of your eyes start to warm and get damp as well

“of course i fucking care about you, of course i love you, and not in the way that i should! gosh, you are so stupid”

just when you were about to get out of his room, tears already falling off your eyes, jaehyun grabbed your wrist and turned you around, his other hand pulling you closer to him in one smooth movement

his lips crashed against yours in a desperate way, but the gentleness never left his every motion

tears and alcohol mixed between the taste of his soft lips as they moved gracefully against each other

unsaid words and unexpressed emotions played with one another as the kiss turned into something more delicate and sweet, and after a while your hands moved back to his cheeks to bring him even closer to you

jaehyun was the first to break the kkiss, resting his forehead against yours with just the smalles grin he could muster in that moment, his hands were still resting on your hips while yours started tracing the tender skin of his jawline

“you’re indeed really stupid” you mumbled after a few seconds of silence, you moved your head a little just to peck his lips and the tip of his nose, earning the cutest laugh you could ever hear

“you make me this way” 

THE END

i just realized that everything a write has a slice of angst in it, and the titles have almost nothing to do with the story lmfao

but well, i’ll try to improve

aND i promise to write the next season special! with you two being together already :p

[astrofireworks]

childhood anon i know i said part 2 would be fluffy!Binu but i am also trash that has to deliver that in the next part so here we go 

Bin peering out his main door at the apartment next door 

There's been movers all morning and he just wants to see who it is that's taking Eunwoo's room 

Sleeping in Eunwoo's room 

(He wants to know if Eunwoo left his glow-in-the-dark stickers up or if he brought it along with him to wherever he went) 

Smol Rocky popping up in the corner of Bin's eye 

"Hi!! I'm Park Minhyuk!!!!!!" 

Bin blinking at this bean, this smol person the universe sent him to replace his beautiful, smiling, kind Eunwoo 

Rocky beaming at Bin and waiting for him to respond

Only to have Bin turning around and disappearing into his own house 

Rocko staring confusedly and slightly sadly at Bin's door 

When Bin is 8.6 and Rocky is 7.5:

Rocky's mum holding his hand and bringing him over to meet the neighbours 

Rocky bouncing on the balls of his feet because look!! He's going to make a new friend!!!! 

Bin's mum answering the door with a smile and her hand on SuA's hair 

Bin's mum calling out for him to come meet the new neighbour boy !!!! A new friend !! 

Bin trudging to the door because he doesn't want to make friends with anyone who isn't Eunwoo 

Rocky beaming at this grumpy boy because hey, who doesn't want to be friends with this amazing child Park Minhyuk? 

Nobody, that's who 

And so he wiggles over to Bin and reaches up to place his fingers in Bin's forehead and rubbing it in small, soft circles the same way his mum does when she tries to get him to stop crying 

And this is how Bin meets his second best friend, eyes red and sniffling and thinking of Eunwoo 

When Bin's mum tells the story Bin cringes in embarrassment and Rocky howls with laughter because it does seem to be a trend with Bin and his best friends 

When Bin is 9 and Rocky is 7.9:

Rocky: "hyung, I'm scared" 

Bin: "of what? You're the one who made me sign up with you" 

Rocky: "what if I can't dance?" 

Bin, shoving Rocky slightly: 

Rocky, pouting: 

Bin, sighing and rubbing Rocky's forehead because "you can, you idiot, I believe in you" 

Rocky, beaming:

Because that's what you do when you're best friends

You believe in each other 

When Bin is 9.1 and Rocky is 8 and Jinjin is 10.9:

Rocky, rubbing Bin's forehead: "it's just a B, it's fine!! it doesn't even count into your final grade anyway" 

Bin, wailing because he's never gotten a B in his life 

This is the first B since Eunwoo left and he doesn't know how to deal and just ??

What if he gets a C the next time??

What if he fails?????????? 

Bin wailing even louder and Rocko pressing his fingers against Bin's forehead even harder to comfort his friend 

Jinjin, walking into this really weird scene of Rocky having his hand on Bin's forehead and Bin sobbing and clutching a test paper: 

Jinjin:

Jinjin: "uh ok Dance Practice starts in half an hour so if you could clean up??" 

Rocko, glaring because is Bin in any way fit to dance rn? 

Jinjin: 

Jinjin: "ur right ok" 

Jinjin sitting down next to Binnie and telling him about the first time he got a B and how his mum practically disowned him 

Rocko, glaring even harder: 

Jinjin choking and telling Bin that she laughed like less than half a minute later and told him that if that was the response he expected, he was wrong because she's his mother and she'll love him through all his Bs and he should never ever worry about disappointing her because he's already the pride and joy of her life 

Smol Jinjin sniffling and hugging his mum around the waist and never daring to dip below an A again 

Rocky nodding in acceptance

Bin stopping his sniffling and hugging both Rocko and Jinjin

Jinjin casually disentangling himself from Bin's snotty nose and putting on some music so they can start Dance Practice early 

Bin's mum doesn't know about this incident still, but whenever Rocky tells the story of how they became friends with Jinjin Bin cringes in embarrassment and Jinjin howls with laughter 

When Bin is 12.2 and Rocky is 11.1 and Jinjin is 14: 

Bin and Rocky and their junior Chani low-key freaking out over the dance showcase next week 

Jinjin laughing and watching them dance and telling them that "you guys look good, stop worrying, you're always in sync and it's great" 

Three of them practicing every day, every minute, all the way to the showcase 

Jinjin constantly being there for them with water bottles and towels 

Youngbin and Jinjin, jokingly reminding them that they have to do this when it's the seniors' showcase next semester before shoving them backstage 

Rocky and Bin trembling slightly because this is it, this is what they've poured their blood, sweat and tears into for the past two months 

Chani looking at Youngbin and Jinjin with wide, doe eyes shining with apprehension 

Jinjin softening and pressing his fingers against all three foreheads and rubbing them in turn: "you'll do fine, kids. I believe in you." 

Because that's what you do when you're best friends 

You believe in each other 

Bin and Rocky, beaming like the sun at Jinjin when they take a bow from the stage 

When Bin is 16 and Rocky is 14.9 and Jinjin is 17.8: 

Bin sitting Rocky and Jinjin down in his bedroom 

SuA poking her head in to say hi to the boys who've become fixtures in the Moon household over the past 7 years

Rocky and Jinjin joking around and shoving gently at each other and cackling 

Bin swallowing hard and looking down at his hands and quietly asking them for their attention 

Rocky and Jinjin slowing down and peeking at Bin

Bin folding his legs beneath him and nervously picking at his fingernails 

Usually it's Jinjin who's serious and asking them to listen and Rocky is ??? shook? 

Bin, telling them in the softest voice about how he's known, he's always known, even before he met Rocky, that he's always liked boys and that while he's always down for appreciating girls he's never like-liked one and he thinks, he's not entirely sure, but he thinks and he believes that 

He might be gay? 

Jinjin knee-waddling over to Binnie and folding as much of Bin as he can into his arms then letting go pressing his fingers gently against Bin's forehead 

Because it's okay, it really is, Bin

He appreciates the courage it took for Bin to tell them but

Binnie needn't be afraid that Jinjin will love him less because whoever Bin chooses to love, he's still the same Bin who spilled coffee onto Jinjin's homework that one time and Jinjin already couldn't love him less 

Bin snorting and shoving Jinjin with one hand and wiping red eyes with the other 

Rocky silently staring at Bin until Jinjin glares at him 

Rocko shrugging and saying, "I never had to tell you guys I was straight, so I don't see why Bin has to tell me he isn't." 

Bin bursting out in tears because 

He knows they were okay with it, they always were

But hearing them reaffirm it again? 

His heart is warm and full and !!!!!!!!! 

Rocky snuggling up into Binnie's side 

Warm, happy 3stro !!!!!!! 

When Bin is 19.2 and Rocky is 18.1 and Jinjin is 21:

Jinjin already at college and coming back every weekend to spend time with his family & Moonrock 

Binnie stressing out because he still has to pick a college out of those that accepted him and he really isn't sure which one is best for him

(He's already picked, but he likes to pretend that the fact that Youngbin and Jinjin are at that college doesn't weigh in on the decision) 

Rocko getting frustrated at his idiot of a best friend and threatening to burn all his acceptance letters if Bin doesn't pick the one he knows Bin set his heart on the moment Jinjin accepted the offer

He's not saying he didn't set his heart on it then too 

When Binnie is 19.7 and Rocky is 18.6 and Jinjin is 21.5: 

Rocko hammering hard at his midterm exams 

Jinjin helping Bin pack his room up because he's moving to college in a week and his stuff is everywhere and he doesn't really know what to bring that Jinjin doesn't already have 

Bin carefully packing his BTOB & BTS albums and Jinjin rolling up Bin's Jungkook poster 

Bin opening a box under his bed that he hasn't opened in ten years 

A plant encyclopaedia and a somewhat useless magnifying glass 

A small foam sword 

A soft, faded hoodie dotted with suns and moons and stars 

Bin smiling softly and rubbing the hoodie between his fingers and hearing a small crinkling sound

A small, handwritten note Bin’s run his fingers across and folded and unfolded so many times that the paper’s worn and the pencil marks are faded

Bin remembering what Eunwoo wrote, word for word for word, because he read it so many times the day Eunwoo left he can taste on the tip of his tongue Eunwoo’s words the same way he can taste the ache in his heart, as familiar and tear-stained and bittersweet as their kiss

Jinjin breaking in and asking if Bin would like him to take the glow-in-the-dark stars from around the room 

Bin opening his mouth to tell him that no, there's no point bringing because they don't glow anymore

But his fingers are caught on the note, tucked safely in the pocket of the small, kid-sized hoodie and Bin finds himself saying yes, yes he'd like to bring them to university, please 

Jinjin shrugging and making a mental note to buy some new ones for Bin anyway because these ones don't seem to work anymore and there's never having too many glow-in-the-dark stars, right? 

When Bin is 19.7 and Rocky is 18.6 and Jinjin is 21.5 and a few hours later: 

Bin and Jinjin going down to the garden that evening and trying to identify plants using the encyclopaedia Bin found under his bed 

Jinjin, squinting at the book and back up at the plant: "I think that's a Mandevilla??????" 

Bin, softly: "that's a Bougainvillea bush" 

Jinjin, flipping the pages and peering at the page in quickly dimming dusk-light: "huh I think you're right" 

Bin: "and that's why there aren't any apples" 

And when he looks up in confusion, Bin has a funny sort of smile on his face that leaves Jinjin silent

When Bin is 19.8 and Rocky is 18.7 and Jinjin is 21.6: 

Binnie shifting into his room in the freshman dorm in his college and Jinjin and his roommate helping out 

MJ's delightful and from the stories Bin's heard about him, which are numerous in number because Jinjin will literally Never Shut Up about MJ, he's dumb and funny and will essentially complete 4stro when Rocky moves in the year after

Bin’s roommate shifting in just when MJ places the last star on the wall 

And Binnie yelping in surprise because look!! It’s Youngbin!! 

Except it isn’t, because Youngbin’s just helping his cousin Taeyang move in 

Everyone laughing because look at this room, with a Moon Bin and a Taeyang and Binnie already decorating his half of the room with glow-in-the-dark stars and Taeyang pulling out another pack

Youngbin, laughing: “it’s practically a solar system in here”

Bin, smiling and agreeing because that’s how it’s always been, he’s always been Space Boy 

It’s just now, after finding the box that he, for some reason, has brought along and tucked under his new bed, that he suddenly remembers he’s missing his Flower Prince

When Bin is 20.2 and Rocky is 19.1 and Jinjin is 22 and MJ is 24.1:

Rocko with his head bent over books some miles away, slaving away at final exams 

Bin and Jinjin and MJ with their heads bent over books at a small, cosy cafe and slaving away at midterms 

Bin looking up from his essay and stretching and yawning like a big cat and grabbing a sip of his now-cold coffee

Bin glancing out the floor-to-ceiling windows

And it’s a flash, it’s only a split-second glance, but Bin swears he’s dreamt of that face before 

He’s dreamt of those big eyes and long lashes and that gentle, kind smile before, he knows it, and for some reason his heart starts aching in ways he thought he’d forgotten

Bin bursting out of the cafe, looking left and right on a busy street, crowded with students flushing from one class to the next 

But it’s gone, the face is gone and its look is slowly slipping from Bin’s memory like cubed ice on warm palms 

And when he returns to his seat by the window with MJ and Jinjin peering concernedly at him, he smiles weakly 

And tells them a story about a Space Boy and his Flower Prince

i swear part 3 will come tomorrow and there will be a messy baby Sanha 

[yoi-secret-valentines2017]

Getting to Feel Free and Easy

For @lyricalia!  Happy Secret Valentine!

Phichit transfers to Cranbrook at the start of the spring semester, so they give him his own room.  On the one hand, it’s a relief; for the first few days, the jet lag is awful, and the wrenching homesickness lasts much longer.  It’s good to have guaranteed privacy in which to call his mâe and cry until he can’t breathe.  

Then again, arriving in the middle of eleventh grade when half of the other students have been at Cranbrook together since they were five is isolating, and his single room even more so.  Sure, there are other oddballs and foreign students, boarding away from home for the first time just like he is, but he doesn’t have time to seek them out or get to know them–every minute he isn’t in class, studying, or sleeping like the dead, Phichit is on the ice.

There, at least, the adjustment is blessedly easy.  Good rinks are all essentially the same, and they all feel like home to him.  Celestino, his new coach, is firm but warm–as ready to distribute hugs and correct Phichit’s English as to criticize his form.  His skating is improving at lightning pace; he’s racing ahead as far as he can go before puberty wrecks his center of gravity.  And, of course, there’s Yuri.

He has other rinkmates, with varying levels of skill and even more varying levels of friendliness, but Yuri is the only one Phichit knows is going to be a friend.  Yuri is three years older, in college already, but his round face and his shy demeanor make him seem much younger.  Most of Phichit’s English comes from the internet, and it’s upon meeting Yuri that he finally understands “smol son.”  

When Phichit voices this sudden revelation, Yuri gives a nonplussed blink, then bursts out laughing.  Ready for every opportunity, Phichit spins around and snaps a selfie while Yuri’s face is transformed and unguarded.  “What’s your IG?” he asks, thumbing through filters as Yuri’s laughter slows into whistled breaths.

“Um,” Yuri replies, looking embarrassed.  Phichit clucks his tongue.

“It’s all right, I’ll sort you out.”  He posts the photo, and captions it Too good for this world, too pure! #rinkmates #DetroitBFF

It takes another week or two for Yuri to really open up, but he’s no match for Phichit’s persistence and willingness to overshare.  He tells Yuri all about Bangkok, his five sisters, his favorite movies (The King and the Skater and all of the sequels) and foods (mataba) and YouTube beauty channels (Michelle Phan and Nitraa B).  Quiet Yuri lets him ramble, occasionally offering up a gem of information about himself.  He forwards the sweet pictures his sister sends of his dog back at home, he reminisces about his mother’s cooking, and he blushes ten shades of scarlet when he admits, after several casual mentions, that Victor Nikiforov is his number one idol.  

Soon they’re spending time in each other’s dorm rooms, pretending to study while really watching movies and incomprehensible Korean dramas.  Yuri has a single room too, in the international dorm, and on weekends they have sleepovers there and paint each other’s misshapen toenails.  “Just because we suffer for our art doesn’t mean we can’t look good doing it,” Phichit reasons.

You really know someone, he thinks, when you can lay awake and talk to each other in the dark about how much it means to be here, training, and at the same time how much you miss your home.

***

A year flies by; two.  Phichit lands his first quad in an international competition, and takes home his first international bronze.  Yuri, ahead of him in age and skill, nabs three international silvers and gold at the Japanese Nationals, inching his way up in the world rankings.  Yuri turns twenty-one, and they get roaring drunk in true American fashion; Phichit learns that his friend is a wild drunk, and he secretly backs up his photos of the evening on three separate thumb drives before letting Yuri delete them from his phone.  He turns eighteen just a two months before his high school graduation, and for his gift, Yuri presents him with a folder full of printouts of apartments for rent near the rink.  Two-bedroom apartments.

“I’m getting tired of dorm life,” Yuri explains, as if he hasn’t just ticked about six boxes on Phichit’s list of friendship goals.  “Too many parties, and it’s too far from the rink.”

Phichit throws his arms around him.  “We’re gonna have so much fun, Yuri!” he squeals.  “But couldn’t you have texted me the links like a normal person?”

They move into their new place the day after Phichit’s graduation ceremony, and celebrate with the most passable Thai delivery in the city and a case of Japanese beer.  In the morning, they wake up covered in glitter and smashed together on the couch Yuri bought secondhand from the previous tenant, and discover when Phichit blearily checks his email that sometime around 3am they both registered (and prepaid) for a pole dancing fitness class.

“At least we picked a time that doesn’t conflict with practice?” he offers; Yuri just buries his face in the back of the couch and groans.

You really know someone, Phichit decides, when you’ve seen them crawling to the bathroom after an unintentional bender and, just days later, wrapping their legs around a pole like an old pro and showing up everyone else in the beginner lesson.

***

Yuri is a perfect roommate.  He’s neat and responsible and he knows how to cook.  They never bicker, just carefully fit the pieces of their daily routines together like cogs, then let them run.  Summer waxes hot and wanes hotter, and in the fall the training season starts up again.  They fall into a routine.

Then their rinkmate misjudges a jump and crashes hard.  The sound when Jamel’s head hits the ice is like nothing Phichit’s ever heard before, and he hopes never to hear it again; there’s blood, and shouting, and an ambulance.  Sitting in the waiting room later in a clutch of worried skaters, Phichit’s terrified and desperately wants to hold Yuri’s hand, but his friend has pulled into himself like a crab on the beach.  Susanna can’t see it–she’s got a crush, Phichit knows, a pretty hopeless one as far as he can tell–and when she wraps her arms around Yuri he startles and shoves her away.  She apologizes, he apologizes; Celestino hugs her instead, and silence falls even thicker than before.  

At last there’s news–he’s awake, he’ll recover, but he needs rest and they’re told only his father is allowed in to see him, it’s after visiting hours.

“Come on, Yuri,” Phichit finally says, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep from pulling his friend physically to his feet.  “Let’s go home.”  Yuri nods and rises, follows him to the corner and onto a bus and into their apartment, but he never quite seems to uncurl.

“Mind if I jump in the shower first?” Phichit asks, and Yuri just shakes his head.  “Okay.”  He stands under the spray as long as he can stand it, as hot as he can stand it, letting the water wash away the cold adrenaline sweat and steam the ache out of his muscles.  

When he emerges, Yuri’s nowhere to be seen and his bedroom door is closed.  Phichit retreats to his own room to pull on his comfiest sleep clothes and retrieve his hamster plushie; thus armed, he knocks on Yuri’s door.  “Hey, are you hungry?  Let’s order in.”  Yuri doesn’t answer.  He knocks again.  “Yuri?”

Still no reply, but he hears a quiet gulp of breath, like a swallowed-down sob.  “Yuri, are you okay?”

There’s a long, terrifying silence, and Phichit clutches the doorknob, but can’t quite make himself turn it.  Then, at last, Yuri’s wobbly voice.  “No.”

He swings the door open and finds Yuri with his hands pressed hard to his face, crumpled on the floor like he couldn’t make it all the way to the bed.  He’s trembling, breathing quick and shallow, and it’s awful–but Phichit’s been calm this whole awful day, he can damn well keep doing it now.  He folds himself down beside Yuri, wraps his fingers gently around Yuri’s wrists.  “Hey,” he says, low and quiet.  “Hey, Yuri, I’ve got you.  I’ve got you, and you know what we’re gonna do?  We’re gonna just breathe for a bit.  Give me your hands…put them right here.  That’s it.  Feel that?  In…out.  In…out.  We’re gonna count them.  Count them out in Thai, like how I taught you.  Remember?  Nèung…sŏng…săam…sèe….”

They’re exhausted in the morning, and sore from crashing and falling asleep sideways on Yuri’s bed.  Yuri’s still quiet, but it’s the more natural, familiar kind, and Phichit has no qualms prodding it.

“Get dressed, we’re going out today,” he says, though he makes no move to get up himself, just elbows Yuri lightly in the side.

“Phichit,” Yuri replies, less than a scold but more than a sigh.  “I’m sorry.  About last night.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Phichit tells him, and believes it utterly.  Then he drags them both to their feet and shoves Yuri in the direction of his closet.  “Now get dressed!”

They take the bus to the Oakland Mall.  At last Phichit gives in to his impulse from the day before, grabbing Yuri by the hand to draw him along to the pet store, where he tells the first staff member he sees that he and his boyfriend are very serious about choosing a puppy to take home, and would like to play with all the very cutest ones in order to make the best choice.  Yuri sputters but goes along, letting himself be plunked down in a tiny room and presented with adorable dogs until he’s finally, finally laughing again.

After at least an hour of puppy therapy, Phichit confides in the staffer helping them that he’s not really sure they’re ready for the responsibility of a dog–perhaps they might look at hamsters instead?  “Look!” he tells Yuri, unable to contain his glee, “these three in here are colored like medals!  Gold, silver, and bronze!  Yuuuuuriiiii, we have to take them home!”

You really know someone, Phichit muses later as Yuri helps him set up the hamsters’ new habitat, when you’ve seen them fall to pieces and put themselves back together again.

***

“I think you can never really, truly know all there is to know about someone,” Phichit says, clutching his glass of champagne and trying to keep the wobble out of his voice, “because people just keep growing.  Yuri, you’ve grown so much, and I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of that.  Now Victor’s lucky enough to be a part of that too.”  He glances at the newlyweds; Victor is already crying, and Yuri looks both embarrassed and extraordinarily content, his head resting on his husband’s shoulder and their arms looped together.  “May you continue to grow, within yourselves and with each other, and with me, and with all of us here who love you.  May you never stop surprising us, Yuri.”