#A bit of a lengthy post but this is what I have so far for this AU

[phoenix-flamed]

Alright, time to put my nose to the grindstone and write out a post detailing my "From the Fire" verse. Or try to, at least.

During The Night of Flames, in Elwin's efforts to see Joshua escape from Phoenix Gate, he was beheaded by traitors to the duchy. The trauma of the scene, compounded by Clive's last words to Joshua being that he was counting on him to protect their father, was too much for the child to bear, and he lost control -- transforming into Phoenix.

However, Joshua had little to no control over the Eikon's powers in his distressed state, leading to indiscriminate death for both foe and friend.

But Phoenix's power is over both life and death -- and it was this fact that spared some, most notably the Archduke. The regenerative magics mended his fatal wound and breathed life back into his body just enough that he was able to cling to life by a thread, unbeknownst to either of his sons. When all was over, and Anabella and accompanying Sanbrequian soldiers arrived to the scene and apprehended a devastated and half-conscious Clive, they also found Elwin amidst the rubble. And much like they had done with his eldest son, they took him prisoner.

Unlike Clive, however, Anabella made sure that he would not be made a soldier for the Imperial Army. No, that would be too good for him, and allow him to retain some semblance of his pride as a skilled swordsman. The former Archduke had always held a kind and soft spot for the Bearers and Branded of Rosaria, so why not let him join the gutter rats he so loved? And so he was branded and made into a common slave.

He spent his years in Oriflamme under the name of "Miles", working as one of the Holy Empire's many Branded, and treated with every bit of disdain, contempt, and cruelty as any other -- as one would expect, given that his true identity had been stripped of him(not that anyone would believe who he was, even if he said). He watched from afar as the Iron Kingdom invaded Rosaria and slaughtered and enslaved his people, and as Anabella sold out their homeland to further her own agenda, effectively dissolving the Grand Duchy and turning it into just another territory of Sanbreque. He watched as she married Emperor Sylvestre Lesage and became Empress, and as she undid or twisted every bit of good that Elwin had done for Rosaria all while knowing that he would see her work and suffer in powerlessness to stop her.

It was not the despair of a jilted lover that he felt towards his former wife, but the despair of knowing that she would ruin and end so many innocent lives just to spite him.

And so it was, until eventually Cid Telamon's Cursebreakers smuggled the small group of Bearers and Branded that he happened to work with out of Oriflamme and beyond Sanbreque's borders. They found themselves in Hideaway, liberated.

It was here that "Miles" learned of Cid's grand dream for a changed world, and his ongoing efforts to overturn the long-standing order and traditions in favor of establishing and normalizing equality for all. Needless to say, Elwin was quite taken by this ambition, for it was something he too had dreamed of. He was also quite taken by the people of Hideaway and their dedication and determination to seeing this dream become a reality, and how they worked together in harmony to keep their makeshift home blooming despite the Blight that surrounded them.

Unlike him, their struggles and traumas, far greater than his own, had not broken them, nor had it driven them to give up. It had only made them that much more resilient and determined and hopeful for a brighter tomorrow -- a tomorrow that they themselves may not see, but nonetheless planted the seeds of for future generations.

And like any other seeds, with cultivation and care they would eventually grow and bear fruit for all to enjoy.

He wanted to help them. He wanted to do what he could to aid their cause, and so "Miles" chose to pledge his skill with a sword to the Cursebreakers, undergoing the surgery to have his brand removed and joining their ranks.

As a personal desire, Elwin does want to liberate Rosaria, though not to reclaim his family's right to rule. He simply wants to see his people freed, especially from Anabella's treachery. He is aware of the Guardians of the Flame hiding in the shadows outside of Port Isolde, but he does not visit them in person, and he certainly does not try to reveal his true identity to them. Instead, he helps them from a distance, watching over their order and keeping track of their movements and actions.

There is much that he feels extreme guilt for, but he doesn't expect nor seek forgiveness for his deeds; he only wants to do his part for the future, to help rectify the mistakes of his past actions as Archduke of the Grand Duchy of Rosaria.

[seungfl0wer]

*𝑨𝒃𝒅𝒖𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏*

Pairing: Alien!OT8 x Reader (Fem)

Genre: Smut

Warning: Barely any real plot, Alien!Skz, Weird dicks, multiple rounds, Multiple Orgasms, Oral (Both), Long tongues, Aphrodisiac, Abduction, Unprotected Sex, Creampie, Double Penetration, Slight Hair Pulling. Sorry for any mistakes or missing tags

Find The Halloween Master List Here

A/N: this is just pure smut- please hear me out on this one.. Don’t come at me😂 also HAPPY HALLOWEEN SLUTS😘. EDIT: after already having this posted a lovely anon informed me that I forgot to put hyunjin in this. So this has been edited from what I originally posted because I will not have an OT8 with out all the members😤

-🎃

Lying down in bed, it felt cozy. So warm in the cool night as you cuddled up to your pillow. You drifted off to sleep fast before suddenly being woken up by hands. Eyes slowly blinking awake, your body felt out of it. Your eyes flickered around seeing a bright light before you saw around you. There were a handful of men around you. ‘Men? Are they men?’ You asked yourself. They’re strange looking.”

“You’re gonna scare her!” A voice came across.

The men? Creatures? Moved away leaving you lying on the table. You were completely naked, with everyone gone you felt the cold air finally hit you. You shivered before you felt another hand on you.

“Easy pretty, we are gonna take good care of you ok?” The creature said before rubbing his hand up your body a slimy substance coming off him seeping into your pours.

“What’s going on? Where- what are you?” You asked.

“We are from the far off planet pretty. My name is Chan.” He said a weird long smile came across his face. He pointed to each of the other strange men telling you who everyone was.

“So you’re aliens?” You asked.

“Well technically you’re the alien to us. But yes.” He said.

There was a warmth creeping up your body. Heat going straight to your core, nipples perking up. You felt yourself becoming soaking wet, you were so confused.

“We are gonna have some fun ok? You’re uhm.. horny right?” He asked a bit confused at the words.

“Mhm” you nod looking at him.

“Good, the stuff I coated your body with is like an aphrodisiac. It’ll make you want us to out any thoughts” he said with a smirk.

These men were lengthy, skin slightly colored different. Their bodies abnormal to you with long fingers. They looked like something out of a movie, but not the typical big head and eyes combo. None of them looked the same different skin tones ranging from blues to reds to pinks. You could see they all had their cocks out which were also all different. Some big resembling human cocks almost, some tentacle like, some had two, and the man who was talking to you? He had a long cock, tentacle like with little filler looking tentacles around.

“Tell us if you need a break.” He said and before you could respond someone was already pressing their mouth to your cunt. It was Changbin? You think that’s his name. His long thick tongue pushed into you fucking you as he slurped at you. The others attached themselves where they could. Felix and Jisung Sucking at your nipples. Minho pushed himself into your mouth his long leaky cock sliding easily down your throat. The others stood by you, watching as they pumped their cocks. Jeongin using your hand that was now untied from the bed to jerk himself off with.

“She tastes so sweet.” Changbin groaned from below.

The strange place filled with lewd sex sounds combined with the moans and groans from everyone. The feeling of more of the slime being rubbed against your body.

Your body ached off the table as Changbin fucked his tongue rougher into you, Felix hand coming down to rub your clit. Your body felt like it was on fire. Not from just all the attention but this damn slimy shit. It had you feeling like a bitch in heat. With one more thrust of his tongue changbin had you cumming. You came around his tongue moaning around Minhos cock that was still buried in your mouth.

Changbin cleaned you up, not letting a drop go to waste before Chan moved between your legs he pushed himself into you his weird small tentacles moving over you clit. He cock pushed far into you pushing past your cervix fucking you completely in your womb.

Chan had pushed a button on the side of the table making another opening underneath. Jeongin quickly moved to go under it he pushed himself into you. Cock pressing against Chans as they filled your cunt to the max. His cock wasn’t as thick but it was even longer. You don’t know how he was under the table and still being able to fuck you like this. Honestly you didn’t really care either. It just felt to good to question right now.

Felix had traded places with Minho fucking into your mouth now. He gripped at your hair small whimpers escaping his mouth as you felt his cock becoming a thicker by the second. “Shit- shit- gonna fuck gonna!” Is all he got out before cumming down your throat. You swallowed around him his cock slowly becoming smaller as the loads of cum came pouring out. When he finally pulled out he leaned down kissing you softly.

“You doing ok?” He asked eyes fixated on your expression.

“Y-es” you gargled out.

He smiled before another pair of hands turned your head to them. Jisung was awaiting his turn, he looked at you his eyes half open. His cock was a pretty lavender, he had two tentacle like cocks both equally dripping. Before Felix moved away he whispered into your ear.

“The smaller one, it’s super sensitive. Suck it and he’s done for” he said a devilish smirk across his face as he went to clean himself a bit before next round.

Jeongin was fucking into you like a mad man, he was chasing his high and he was chasing it fast. His cock felt like it entangled around Chans making his cock feel even thicker even deeper. Chan was fucking into you so rough. His hands digging into your thighs, head thrown back as he let out low grunts. His little tentacles moving quickly over your clit.

“Gonna cum for me pretty? Make a mess. Fuck make a mess for us” he groaned out. Your walls becoming tighter as you felt your release close. Minho bit at your nipples as Seungmin sucked marks on the other side. Changbin had his cock in your hand fucking it into it like his very own pocket pussy.

You were about to say you were cumming but jisung took the opportunity to push into your mouth. No warning as he pushed his pretty cock down your throat. You were gushing around them, squirting wetness all over their bodies. The feeling making both Chan and Jeongin cum deep inside you. Their cocks throbbed as they filled your womb with their loads. Coating yours walls as they pulled out.

They were panting trying to catch their breathes. The emptiness didn’t last long before Minho pushed into you. His cock had ridges, they hit spots in you only toys could with that texture. It was so different from what you just had your body was already so close to cuming again. Changbin made his was under you before pushing himself into you. His cock was so- so fucking thick. What he lacked in length did he ever make it up in girth.

“Fuck- you make her feel so fucking- tight” Minho hissed down at the other man.

“Yeah? Our cocks are made to fuck together” he teased.

Jisung was being rough with your mouth. His hands gripped at your hair pulling it harshly. In a moment of annoyance at that you moved your head to fully take both his cocks. His hips stuttered at the feeling of you sucking his smaller cock. “Wa- i- fuck” he whimpered out. His voice sounding pathetic. You sucked his cock swirling around them both the longer one twitching back your throat. His hands rested at the sides of your head as you saw what looked like tears pricking at his eyes.

“T’much-“ he moaned out feeling you suck harsher paying extra attention to the smaller one rolling your tongue over on it. He let out an almost scream as he came hard in your mouth his hands gripping at your face trying to keep you steady as he came. He looked so fucked out, with one swallow he was screaming his smaller cock releasing. His body felt almost limp as he did. Felix came behind him holding onto him as he pulled him from you. He shot you a grin before pulling Jisungs limp body to the seats across.

Changbin and Minho weren’t doing any better. Their thrusts were becoming sloppy. Seungmin who was still at your side started to play with your clit. He let his long tongue come down to play with it instead. Wanting to taste you, wanting to have all your juices for himself. Minho hissed at him “damnit- you’re making her- fuck she’s clenching so tightly I’m-“ Minho groaned out feeling his high about to wash over him. He picked up his pace, the feeling of his cock made Changbin moan.

“Dude- slow down-“ he pleaded but it fell on deaf ears. Or no ears I guess.

Minho couldn’t be stopped his eyes met yours keeping eye contact as he came deep inside you his cock twitching as he released.

“Shit!” Changbin groaned.

Your walls clamped around them as you came once again. Your body stuttered shaking as you did. Seungmin lapped at everything that was spilled from your sweet cunt.

Changbin gripped at your hips before pushing once more into you releasing quickly after you both. His cock pushed all of Minhos cum deep with in you.

“Alright move, I’ve waited long enough” Seungmin said pulling Minho from you who stumbled back a bit. Changbins body laid on the floor under you as he caught his breath. Seungmin pushed into you quickly, his cock was a bit like Jisungs however it was definitely thicker at the base. He had a second cock like jisung however it was a different color than his main cock.

Seungmin pushed deep into you his arms came down to grip your hips hard adding to the many little bruises from the others. He leaned down to kiss you before slipping his long tongue down your throat. He fucked into you sloppily to both your surprises Felix made his way underneath you, pushing his cock in with seungmins. He hissed breaking the kiss, the new tightness of you, your walls clenching around them both.

Hyunjin took a spot beside you, he pushed his almost human like cock into your mouth. His cock was long, a mix of purple and pink. It got thicker as you went down it with almost a knot looking bulge at the end. He fucked into your mouth softer than the other. His hands came up to cup your face making you look at him as he fucked down your throat. His pretty pink eyes locked on yours watching your every expression. His finger ran over the side of your cheek whipping a small tear that had fallen. “You’re being so good for us” he whispered out.

Felix matched seungmins pace however from Seungmin leaning down his smaller cock was rubbing against your clit. The moans you both let out were almost pornagraphic. He pulled away from the kiss a long string of spit connecting you both hands coming up to grab at your chest as he felt himself close already. Damn your warm cunt, it was just sucking him so well he couldn’t hold it. Seungmins movements started to slow a bit making Felix pick up the speed. Felix’s cock reached your g-spot making your body shake.

Your moans were sending vibrations around hyunjin’s cock making his body stutter. He grabbed ahold of your hand trying to steady himself as he was reaching his high. He glanced down at the other men making his head roll back. By accident while looking down his cock pushed as far as it could go making him groan loudly. “Fuck- c-cuming!” He said squeezing your hand ever so softly his thick cum gliding down your throat. You looked up at him with hooded eyes as you watched the pretty pink turn into a deep purple. His cock twitched a bit before pulling out. He kissed you ever so softly before moving away.

“She’s close-“ seungmin groaned. He pushed his sensitive cock against your clit as he moved his hips. The cock hitting your clit so Nicely the warmth of his precum making you groan. Your hand came down to touch it, to toy with it. Seungmins body trembled, he gripped your hips hard digging his fingers into your soft flesh as he came. He came hard too, both cocks releasing at the same time. He felt his body go limp like Jisungs as he stumbled back searching for a place to sit.

Felix was fucking into you hard now. His high was close and so was yours. Your body was covered in sweat, marks and now cum. Your brain was gone, eyes clouded from pleasure. You felt a figure approach you before you could open your eyes you felt the familiar cock push into you. It was Chan, fuck almost all of them were ready to go again.

This went on for a while. One finishing another one coming to fuck you. What felt like hours had passed, you didn’t even realize they had brought you to a bed. It felt like a water bed almost as it moved, it was so warm it felt like it was hugging you almost. All the men were curled around you Minho behind you buried deep you still. You heared Chan whisper softly as he played with your hair.

“Don’t worry pretty, we are gonna spoil you forever. Our pretty little love” he said before kissing your forehead. If this was gonna be the rest of your life honestly you were fine with it. You weren’t much of anything back on earth but here, you felt like everything to them. Yeah. You were fine with this.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

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[captainsophiestark]

A New Man

Colin Bridgerton x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Bridgerton

Summary: Colin has had feelings for his best friend for some time now, and has decided his new skills in charm and flirting are the perfect way to win her over. He is unfortunately very mistaken.

Word Count: 4,713

Category: Angst, Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"This is by far the best part of these society events," mused Benedict, one of my best friends, as the two of us perused the dessert table. "Sometimes it even makes putting up with all the marauding mamas worth it."

I laughed and picked up a delious looking cupcake.

"The mamas must be truly terrible this season if the food only sometimes makes them worth putting up with."

Benedict sighed. "You have no idea."

I nudged him with my shoulder, smiling as we stepped away from the dessert table together.

"Well, you have no need to worry, Benedict. As long as I am unattached, I am more than happy to act as a shield for you, especially when society dictates you must find a partner and dance."

"Thank you. You are a true friend. I know I can always count on-"

"Colin!" I turned to grin sheepishly at Benedict in the wake of my outburst and found him staring at me with a mocking, raised eyebrow. But I couldn't quite bring myself to care, since I'd just seen my absolute best friend in the world, Colin Bridgerton, standing across the lawn chatting with a group of ladies.

He'd left England this summer for another lengthy international trip, and I'd missed him terribly while he'd been gone. He looked different now, too, a little more sure of himself and wearing a style that had clearly come from somewhere on the continent rather than from here. And if my heart raced a little at the sight of him, well, that could easily be chalked up to excitement at the prospect of seeing a friend. I couldn't keep a smile off my face at the sight of him, even as I turned back to Benedict and found him with crossed arms and doubly raised eyebrows.

"When were you going to tell me that Colin had returned?" I demanded, completely ignoring Benedict's judgey look and barely managing to keep my voice at a socially acceptable level. Benedict just sighed and rolled his eyes.

"It is why I came over here in the first place, but then you distracted me with talks of friendship and cupcakes. And now I see it was all a lie, as you are clearly about to abandon me to the whims of this social event to go rush over and talk to my brother."

"Sorry, Benedict," I said, giving him a grin. "But I saw you throughout the summer. It has been much too long since I last saw Colin, so he takes precedence for the day. But I promise you I will come to your aid if you find yourself cornered by the mamas, or any other dangerous creature roaming the society grounds."

Benedict snorted, but I didn't give him the opportunity for a comeback as I turned back to Colin and walked quickly across the gravel paths, the smile growing on my face the closer I got to him. He didn't notice me as I approached, wrapped up in conversation with the handful of ladies in front of him, and my smile grew even more at the thought of his face when he finally caugh sight of me.

"...will be fighting over you," I heard Colin saying as I walked up to join the group. "I cannot compete."

All the ladies in the circle giggled, giving me perfect cover for my smile as I came to a stop in front of Colin. He turned to face me, a beaming smile on his face, then froze a bit as his eyebrows shot up when he realized who I was.

"Lady Y/L/N!" he said, the shock melting back into his charming smile. "What a pleasure it is to have you join us."

"Mister Bridgerton, what a pleasure it is to have you back in England with us."

Colin dipped his head, the corner of his mouth pulling up in a roguish smile before he returned his gaze to me.

"Believe me, Lady Y/L/N, the pleasure here is all mine."

Rather than the earnest excitement I'd been expecting, Colin's demeanor and voice dripped with a slick charm I didn't recognize. I'd been expecting his usual earnest, genuine emotion, not... this. I gave Colin a little frown of confusion, but quickly let my expression return to normal as he returned to addressing our entire group. He had an energy about him that I couldn't quite place, but it was much different than the Colin I'd gotten to know so well before he left. Still, we were in public. Neither of us were allowed to be anywhere near as effusive and close as we would've been in a more private setting.

"We were just discussing the season," Colin said, including me seamlessly in the conversation I'd joined between him and the other ladies. "Truly, it is amazing to me that all of your dance cards are not already full of suitors."

All the ladies around me giggled, hiding behind their fans and fluttering their eyelashes at Colin. I just stared at him, letting my brow furrow again as I watched my friend. He met my eyes, a smooth smile on his face and his eyes roaming me with an interest and flirtation they'd never had before. If Colin had looked at me like that when I'd last seen him, my heart would've started doing backflips. But his new demeanor made the gesture seem much less sincere, and much more shallow. I let my frown deepen.

"So..." I started, trying to clear the air of whatever strange energy seemed to be lurking here. "Mister Bridgerton, tell us of your travels. You sent so few letters this time, I have simply been dying to hear about everything you saw and did."

Colin flashed me a brilliant smile that didn't totally reach his eyes.

"This time, my stories from abroad are not suitable for such tender young ladies." Everyone around us giggled into their fans again, but Colin's eyes never left mine. "Were I to tell you even the tiniest adventure, well... I'd be forced to marry you."

He delivered the final few words with dramatic flourish, as if expecting for them to have some groundshaking impact. And with the way he stared at me with a simmering gaze, the words clearly intended to make every lady in earshoot swoon, he accomplished his goal. I couldn't hold back a snort of laughter, which I quickly hid as a cough behind my fan.

Colin looked shocked when I glanced up at him, but I still couldn't keep another laugh from bubbling up. He was being so ridiculous, so arrogant and flirting with everyone in sight like he was God's gift to the women of England, and I truly couldn't take him seriously this way.

I cleared my throat and straightened back up, keeping it together just enough as I faced Colin and the other ladies, giving each of them a shallow curtsey.

"Forgive me. I think... something in the air, it must have gotten to me. Excuse me, please."

With that, I turned on my heel and didn't look back. I walked quickly across the garden, seeking out and immediately finding Benedict among the crowd once again, hovering by some shrubbery in an attempt to hide from the ladies and their mothers. I sped up to reach him, the giggling smile returning to my face as I approached.

Benedict must've heard me coming, because at the sound of laughter in a semi-high pitched register he turned on his heel and started moving in the other direction without looking to see the origin of the sound. I walked faster, until I was close enough to call out to him without drawing undue attention.

"Relax, Benedict, it's just me!"

His shoulders slumped as he stopped and turned to face me, relief written in every line of his face. After a moment, however, his expression changed to one of confusion.

"What are you doing back here so soon?" he asked. "I thought you would spend at least the next hour with Colin, catching up on all his travels and making every eligible lady here incredibly jealous of the two of you."

"Well, I planned to catch up with him, but... Benedict, you will never believe what he said." Benedict raised an eyebrow, so I glanced around to make sure no one was eavesdropping, then took a step forward and lowered my voice all the same. Laughing about Colin with his brother was one thing, but I didn't want anyone in the rest of the Ton talking behind his back. "He said he couldn't possibly tell me his stories from abroad, because they weren't 'suitable for tender young ladies'."

Benedict scoffed. "Truly?"

"Truly! Benedict, he's come back from abroad strutting around like some peacock, as though he is God's gift to eligible young women everywhere. You know I love him, as you do, but... I cannot take him seriously with his new attitude. I do not think I could if I tried."

Benedict smiled and shook his head, staring over my shoulder, presumably at Colin. Then he turned back to me.

"Did he seem to be directing his newfound charm at anyone in particular?"

I frowned. "No, not that I noticed. It seemed to be more like buckshot, just aiming with broad strokes at everyone in range. Why? Are you joining the side of the mamas in trying to help your brother find a match?"

"No," Benedict sighed, sounding truly tired. "Simply trying to guague exactly how long I may have left before I am the only eligible Bridgerton son for the mamas to focus on."

I laughed. "Do not worry, Benedict. I think you have some time yet."

Benedict didn't respond, but I thought I heard him mumble something into his drink that sounded like, "we'll see". When I raised an eyebrow at him and prepared a question, however, he quickly changed the subject, and I let him. We spent most of the rest of the afternoon together, hiding out from societal obligations and occasionally laughing about how strange his siblings could be sometimes.

After the garden party, I didn't get much of a chance to speak with Colin again until Lady Danbury's ball. He'd approached me once or twice when we'd seen each other in passing at other events, but we'd always been interrupted by other ladies, and Colin seemed suddenly incapable of interacting with me without his base layer of extreme, over the top charm. I would've felt bad for how little time I'd spent with him since he'd returned home, but every time I'd tried to ask him about his travels or how he was doing, he turned it into a truly ridiculous line of flirting, the likes of which we used to make fun of other suitors for before his most recent summer travels.

As a result, when Lady Danbury's ball rolled around, I didn't seek Colin out the way I would've last season. Instead, I found Eloise, Benedict, and even Francesca for a while when she clearly needed a break from her first season out in society. I danced with a few of the men who were tolerable, and otherwise enjoyed my time at the refreshments table and talking to people I knew. Colin didn't seek me out for the first half of the ball, either, so when I heard a familiar voice trying to get my attention after I'd found a spot along the wall for a bit of a break from the rest of the party, it was more of a surprise than it should've been.

"Y/N."

I turned around with a smile to find Colin standing behind me, a grin on his own face. We were out of earshot of the rest of the party, so we could dispense with some of the titles and formality that had lost all meaning between us long ago.

"Colin, hello! I was beginning to think I might not see you at all during this ball, such your other engagements seemed to be."

"Well, I could never let my other engagements prevent me from conversing with the most beautiful woman at this ball, could I?"

He said it with an easy smile and a charming sincerity, but I'd seen him use the same attitude and similar words on enough other ladies in our few interactions this season that his words didn't work to sway me the way they seemed to sway others. My smile slipped, and I fought to hold back a sigh.

"Yes, well..."

Colin smiled at me for another moment, and when I didn't pick up the conversation, he gave an easy chuckle and fixed me with another roguish grin.

"As delighted as I am for any opportunity to spend time with you, my lady, I did come over here to ask you if you might do me the honor of a dance. I truly cannot think of a partner I would rather have than you."

I fought a grimace, barely managing to turn it into a polite smile. I looked around briefly to make sure we were still out of earshot of any other party-goers or servants, which we were. I turned back to Colin with a sigh.

"Colin... I am going to tell you this because I truly care about you, although that may not seem to be my motivation at first glance."

"...Alright," said Colin, blinking a few times and trying to hide any confusion with another easy smile. I took a deep breath.

"I do not wish to dance with you." The smile dropped off Colin's face and his eyebrows knit together as I continued. "I never thought I would say such a thing, as quite often dancing and laughing with you were the only things that made attending society events bearable. But ever since you've returned home from your trip, Colin... it has been nearly impossible to talk to you.

"The man I thought I knew, my friend, whom I deeply cared about and whom I could talk to about anything, seems to have gone. And in his place I have found a Colin Bridgerton who not only flirts with anything that moves, but who does so in a way that is incredibly condescending and impossible to have a meaningful conversation with. Your letters from your previous travels were wonderful, Colin, and when you returned we were able to discuss them at length. You know I have an interest in learning and the world at large, and yet now, whenever I bring the subject up, I am told I could not possibly handle hearing about the things you saw and did, since I am but a fragile woman. Your sincerety and genuine expression of yourself has become cloaked in an oily layer of false sentiment and charm, directed equally at everyone you speak to, no matter your relation to them or your true feelings. I have no idea what brought about this change in you, Colin, but I am sorry to say I do not enjoy it the way the rest of the ladies here seem to."

Colin just stared at me, blinking and gaping like a fish. I frowned, feeling a big guilty, but lying to him would serve no purpose for either of us. Still, he was my friend, and I did care about him regardless of his recent changes. Choosing to ignore society for a brief moment, I put my hand out and rested it gently on his arm.

"Do not mistake my words as an insult designed to hurt you, Colin. You are my friend, and always will be. I have simply... found it harder to be around the person you have become recently. I am truly happy for you and your newfound confidence, but it seems to have extended a bit beyond confidence and into something more challenging, especially with ladies. Even ones you've known as long as you've known me."

I gave him a tight smile, which he seemed too stunned to return. I gave him a moment, but when he still didn't seem capable of a response, I curtsied and took a few steps backwards.

"Well. I will... take my leave. I do hope you enjoy the rest of the ball."

Colin just watched me as I took another few steps backwards. Finally, I turned on my heel and walked away. I wasn't sure how I'd been expecting him to take my statement, but complete speechlessness certainly hadn't been my prediction. I could only hope I hadn't wounded him too badly, and that he might come around enough to be the man I remembered as my friend and confidant, who could discuss the world with me as an equal and laugh with me through anything.

Thankfully, no one at the ball seemed to have noticed our exchange. Colin kept his distance from me for the rest of the evening, although I did notive him staring in my direction once or twice.

I debated finding Benedict to ask him his opinion about what I'd said to Colin, and how Colin might be feeling, but eventually decided against it. No matter how true my words had been, or how I'd tried to keep them from sounding harsh or designed to hurt, Colin would likely need his space for a time while he processed. And sending his brother in as my proxy would be the opposite of giving Colin space.

I expected Colin to keep his distance from me for a few days at least, if not for much, much longer. But as I took my seat in the sitting room of my family home the next morning for the start of the calling hours, I turned out to be quite incorrect. Before the clock had finished chiming to mark the start of the first hour, none other than Colin Bridgerton came striding through the door, ahead of the butler who normally would have announced him.

"Lady Y/N," he said, bowing to me and then to my mother sitting on the couch next to me. "I have come to call on you, if you are willing to entertain my company."

He still walked and spoke with confidence, but the layer of charm that had honeyed his words since the first day he'd returned for the season was gone, replaced by a directness and frankness that felt like taking a breath of fresh air. I gave him a small smile.

"I would be more than happy to have your company, Mister Bridgerton."

Colin gave me a small smile in return, and the two of us moved to the other end of the room, still able to be chaperoned but out of immediate earshot. I settled into the couch, Colin sitting right beside me.

"Y/N... thank you for being willing to speak to me. I had to see you, to apologize... and to explain."

My eyebrows shot up. Now that we were sitting closer together, I noticed a few irregularities in Colin's appearance. He had a few shadows under his eyes, as though he hadn't slept well, and his hair wasn't as neatly quaffed as I was used to seeing it. His shirt was rumpled in a few places a maid or a butler or a hovering older sibling might've insisted on fixing if they could've, and although Colin's new confidence appeared to be mostly intact, the charm had been replaced with a nervous energy I'd hardly ever seen from him.

"Colin... are you quite alright?" I asked, leaning a bit closer to him as I studied his face. When I looked up to meet his eyes, I found them instead scanning my face, until he apparenlty snapped out of it and met my gaze. He took a deep breath and sighed.

"Yes. Well, no. Perhaps. I am not sure, I think my wellbeing may depend a bit on the outcome of this conversation."

"Colin, before you begin, if I was too harsh on you the other night then I must apologize-"

"No! No. You were not." He took another fortifying breath, closing his eyes for a moment and dropping his shoulders from where they'd been creeping closer to his ears, before meeting my eyes again. "I have been quite different since I came home. I found myself while I was away from society, in a way I have never felt able to do here. But... I also learned the kind of charm that most of the Ton enjoys. It worked so well from the moment I got back, I did not think much of it. But I should have. And I am sorry if our relationship suffered as a result of my attitude."

Colin paused to take a deep breath, and I took the opening to reach out and rest my hand on his forearm.

"Colin, you do not-"

"Y/N, please. Please allow me to get all the way through this. I need to say it all, and I may not be able to get it out if I have an opportunity to change the subject."

I leaned back a little to stare at Colin, though I didn't remove my hand. His eyebrows were knit together with worry and his eyes never left my face. Slolwy, I nodded. Colin let out a sigh.

"Thank you." He squared his shoulders and sat up straighter, resting his hand on top of my own. "I understand why my approach was... not appreciated when we spoke in the garden and at Lady Danbury's ball. But the sentiment behind what I was saying was genuine. I have been searching for the way to tell you this for years, and I thought the charm and flirtation I learned abroad would be the way to finally do it. Clearly I was wrong. You should have seen the face Benedict made when I talked to him last night..."

Colin trailed off, shaking his head and apparently lost in thought. After a moment, I took a breath to say something else, but the noise must've been enough to jar Colin out of his memories. His stare snapped back to me, eyes slightly wider than usual.

"I love you. I have been in love with you for years, and when I returned home from this trip, I decided to finally do something about it. I thought the charm that worked so well on everyone else would work just as well for you, but... clearly I was mistaken."

I huffed a laugh. That was certainly an understatement.

"I wanted everything to be perfect, to come home changed and sweep you off your feet, but I've already failed at that, and I cannot keep my feelings to myself a moment longer. I love you, and I want to share everything with you. You are my best friend, my confidant, and the only woman I could possibly imagine spending the rest of my life with. Is there even the slightest chance you may feel the same way?"

Colin looked at me with the most open, vulnerable expression I'd ever seen, from anyone. My heart raced in my chest, and all I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and never let go. But I forced myself to take a moment, rather than letting my emotions run wild.

"I need you to answer two questions for me, Colin," I said, trying to keep my voice calm and level. Unfortunately, I didn't totally succeed. Colin nodded quickly.

"Anything."

"First... how were your travels? Where was your favorite place to visit?"

Colin huffed a laugh, relaxing and leaning into me slightly as a faint smile pulled onto his face. My heart raced, but I forced myself to keep a neutral expression.

"I apologize for even making this test necessary, but my travels were... incredible. I may ask you not to share details with the rest of the Ton, but anything you ask, I will be happy to share with you. And my favorite place was Paris. I could not stop thinking about the two of us returning someday to visit together. It is a truly romantic city."

Colin's words removed any hope I had at keeping a smile off my face. I leaned into it, grinning at him and squeezing his hand a little as my heart began to race.

"Well then, I look forward to hearing all about them."

"And I look forward to telling you. Your second question?"

"...Did you truly go to Benedict for help with this last night?"

Colin groaned and threw his head back, which made me laugh. He shook his head as he met my eyes again, but he was smiling all the same.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I know you are close with him, and I noticed you going to speak to him after you abruptly left our conversation at the garden party. I thought he might have some insight, and I was right. It just came at the cost of quite a bit of mocking."

"You truly must be serious to give Benedict such ammunition to use against you for the rest of your lives."

"I am incredibly serious. And I would brave the teasing of every one of my siblings if, at the end, it brought me to you."

"Colin, that may be the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Does that mean... you return my affections?"

I smiled. "Yes, Colin. It does. You are my best friend, and I cannot think of anyone I would rather spend my time with than you."

Colin absolutely beamed at me. He began to lean forward, then thought better of himself even as his eyes still strayed to my lips.

"I cannot begin to tell you how desperately I wish we were alone in this moment," he said, voice low and husky. My heart did a backflip as I felt myself flush.

"Hopefully we will not have to wait long," I replied. We stayed there together, the tension and heat growing between us, until my mother cleared her throat from across the room and we were both brought back to reality. We leaned slightly further apart, although we didn't let go of each others' hands, and shared a grin.

"So... does that mean you will marry me?"

I laughed. "Colin, you cannot be serious! You began courting me a handful of minutes ago!"

I met Colin's eyes, expecting to share the joke, but instead I found him staring at me with a burning sincerity to go with his words.

"I am happy to wait as long as you need me to," he said, voice lowered slightly. "But I would also happily announce our engagement today."

I smiled and shook my head, my heart pounding in my chest so hard I thought Colin might actually be able to hear it.

"I may ask you to wait at least long enough for us to spend an evening or two together while courting, to see what it may be like to have a different relationship, rather than to spend time together as friends. But... I do not predict you will need to wait long."

The grin that spread across Colin's face was blinding, rivaling the happiest looks I'd ever seen from anyone in my life.

"That is good to hear. There are quite a few things I can hardly wait for, all of which come with engagement and marriage."

"Hm. Thank goodness we are both of positions and family that allow us to disappear for months on a honeymoon, finally sharing some travels around the world together. Among other things."

Colin squeezed my hand, and I could see him fighting back a handful of inappropriate responses and actions. I just grinned back at him, the two of us settling into our usual ease on the couch togehter after a moment so I could finally get Colin to tell me about the things he'd done on his travels. Hopefully, no one else would show up during the calling hours, and Colin and I could spend every moment of the day together just like this.

I'd meant what I'd said about wanting to wait, at least a short while, before announcing an engagement, and I did think it was a good idea. But I also couldn't imagine anything coming between Colin and I again after this. My best friend was back, and we were in love. What more could I possibly ask for in a match than that? Even if Benedict would be insufferable, claiming to be the one who'd set us up. It would be worth it, especially because we would weather the storm of his siblings together. Just like we'd do everything else that came for the rest of our lives.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

[armandaughter]

Interview With the Vampire + Perfumes

i posted about wanting to make this and people were also curious, so here it is :) i absolutely have no qualifications to be making this. i just love perfumes and iwtv and wanted to combine em!! lmk ur thoughts <3 fyi this gets pretty long-winded and analysis heavy at times

louis de pointe du lac (new orleans/paris eras)

very slow world in my mind. i think he'd gravitate to the warm spice of it and the hints of whiskey. this also smells a bit like incense, which i think is fitting for him. louis' religious upbringing will always inform how i approach him. but this scent also reminds me of the clubs in new orleans, cigars and rich drinks, and that transfers over to him exploring new sides of himself in paris with photography and engaging with art and cafe scenes. i question the inclusion of the balsamic top note, it's actually much more tea-aligned! this is also quite masculine to me, which makes sense as, particularly in nola, he had to be a little overly masculine-- older brother, man of the house after the death of his father, business owner, and a black business owner in an extremely racist setting. i like this for him, i'd even go as far as to say maybe it's not quite masculine enough.

runner-ups: full incense by montale, nothing but sea and sky by une nuit nomade (this one is very bergamont heavy, which i also think he'd like) foreshadow by curatrix (this one is in my rotation rn and i am almost out because i use it SO much. musk, tobacco, incense, cypress)

louis de pointe du lac (dubai)

this one isn't similar to the above at all, but i think it sort of stays in line with what we know of louis in dubai. it's a very fresh scent, with residual fruity and cedar/fig accords snuck in there that are more noticeable with longer wear. this feels performative like most of dubai, put-together and appealing to the senses but deceptive at the end of the day. i think it's still something louis genuinely likes, but i see him, when he's happy, wearing something a bit more explicitly sweet-spicy, less wood-spicy. this is an amalgamation of the above scent and other sweeter, floral accords he'd drift to, but not quite leaning into it the way i suspect he'd be were he actually healed, had he actually confronted his past in full and emerged content with his circumstances.

runner-ups: of true minds by liis (this is inspired by shakespeare's sonnet 116, also smells like sooo complex. floral spicy with a bit of suede) angel dust by fugazzi (cashmere, pepper, bergamont)

lestat de lioncourt

i actually took so long to decide for lestat. after consulting @operahouses (thank you for enduring my lengthy perfume character analysis) i'm happy w this. it's very very floral, mostly rose, with jasmine and iris too. there's also the underlying patchouli and according to what i read, a sort of rosewater wine-y feel about it. walks the line of intense and mysterious with an elegant softness that feels very true to lestat coming off of paris and finding his footing (and the love of his life) in new orleans.

runner-ups: l'olympia music hall by histoires de parfums (floral, also the name is very lestat in the vampire lestat to me) baccarat rouge 540 by maison francis kurkdjian

rockstar lestat

this is zoologist, which literally makes perfumes off of animal scents. i think that is so fucking cool. anyway-- this is a very bold scent that takes the sweetness of the initial perfume i shared and expands upon it with some really interesting notes. there's passionfruit, leather, teakwood, and incense. (INCENSE, which i think he'd intentionally wear for the nostalgia it could potentially evoke in louis!!) but, overall, a very impressive and borderline questionable miasma of smells. because of this, it's startlingly unique. verrrry memorable, which is kind of the desired experience of a rockstar trying to get his ex-husband back.

runner-ups: triumph of bacchus by argos (this one has such an insanely diverse array of accords i feel only he could pull off) do not disturb by vilhelm parfumerie (this leans into femininity a bunch, which i am down for with lestat. also has some questionable accords but again i think this era welcomes that)

armand

so i'm not even going to pretend i'm not projecting with my first choice for him because i am-- press gurwitz 0.3 is soooo criminally underrated. it's got the knockout combo of the cinnamon and vanilla but when the smoky spice of it hits... it HITS! it also isn't overly sweet at all. the vanilla subdues the sweet notes and leaves sort of a smoky yet clean spiciness over time. i think also the idea of him wearing a gourmand scent has a lot of interesting character connotations in it-- wanting to be desired, wanting to be almost edible, to attract that sort of temptation. if not a gourmand, i can see him preferring fresh, clean, sharp scents-- hence the choices for him as rashid.

runner-ups: milk by commodity (amber, firewood, tonka bean; ultimately the marshmallow accord felt a bittttt out of line for him but this scent is GOOD. a pinch sharp but in a way that's striking rather than obtrusive) female christ by 19-69 (eucalyptus, woody, with cashmere and cinnamon at the base notes, emerging the longer the scent is worn)

armand as rashid

this one has a lot going on but i NEED you to stay with me and hear me out. first of all-- there's notes of pineapple here, which i feel are soooo good given the 'honey and pineapple' exchange. there's also a lot of sweetness here and while the 'honey' part isn't explicit, i feel like it's still reminiscent of it. also, who's to say rashidmand doesn't wear honey body oil with this? wouldn't put that past him. otherwise, this is also pretty floral, fresh, and long-lasting. my one flaw is it is intense, especially for his playing as rashid. my defense here is this: he's already gone with the slutty shirts and the speaking out of turn, so a memorable scent doesn't seem suddenly too far, at least not to me. also, the bottom notes like the vanilla stabilize the intensity. for the first hour or two after application, i'm sure this lingers in a room (which is what he'd want) but as it fades, you'd have to be in closer proximity to notice it.

runner-ups: honey & crocus by jo malone london (this is the honeyed scent that could replace the pineapple one, with traces of saffron and lavender included too which go nicely) fleur de délice by reminiscence (VERY herbal and fresh)

daniel molloy (1973)

ok i am pretty sure i'm not the first to say this but he's SO jazz club. to me. this on top of probably perpetually smelling like cigarettes. and i've heard it's more masculine-leaning, with the rum, spice, and tobacco staying on the longest. i think in devil's minion canon armand would also be all over this like a bloodhound. not much else to say aside from boozy and kinda sexy. the kind of thing you'd wear to go out and score drugs or a fatal vampire encounter.

runner-ups: none! i stand by this one. possibly book by commodity, which uses cedar and sandalwood to come shockingly close to putting your nose in a book. also accomplishes a sort of smokiness.

daniel molloy

this is kind of like if jazz club matured a bit. from what i read (i haven't smelled this one) it's very leathery and dry with a slight sweetness at the end. it has some pine and dates in the list of accords, which works for me too. it is also a bit sensual and i think daniel would wear this in dubai to see louis for the first time since '73. not too intense, which i think he'd prefer. @operahouses suggested a new car smell and i STRONGLY agree.

runner-ups: ombré leather (2018) by tom ford (this went too herbal for me to attribute to him, but i still think leather is good for him)

claudia in new orleans

getting into headcanon territory. this scent is sweet, light, and rosy. i'm imagining this is a gift from lestat before things soured. also something to wear before she branched out and developed her own preferences. i personally think this one is a bit strong and just a tad like a bath, but then again it's very clean and satisfying when the initial scent sits for a little. the sugarcane there brings it together too. this would also contribute to the infantilization both louis and lestat force upon her, the shared--whether explicit or implicit- idea that she's theirs, only the 'girl' part of daughter and too young and naive to be the 'woman.' i feel like she'd grow to hate this smell eventually the same way she grew to resent what lestat and new orleans meant for her.

runner-ups: rose of no man's land by byredo (i didn't think the spices fit, but could be that's a stepping stone for her)

claudia (paris)

i haven't tried this scent but i do love curatrix. so i think in a similar way to daniel's progression this is an older, sultry, woody-sweet rendition of what a younger claudia would enjoy. knowing curatrix, it's probably a bit intense, but for a woman duelling with the reality she will not ever be properly seen as a woman, i think it's very fitting! the cloves and tobacco lend age to it while the honey and vanilla sweeten it up a bit, dries down into a suggestion of ginger. i think the name would attract her as well. claudia owns being a vampire-- she loves it, wants so badly to be loved by the coven for loving vampirism, so the idea of fatale is definitely something she would gravitate to in my mind.

runner-ups: hypnotic poison by dior (similar wood themes with a bit of floral and fruitiness mixed in, but mostly, the bottle is cute) carmilla by immortal perfumes (the name, naturally-- also has a blood accord!! was my first choice until i remembered fatale exists)

madeline

gets a classic. i wore this for years before i started to present less feminine. it's clean, floral, sweet, a bit powdery, and stays on forever. not too overwhelming but def alluring. one of thee ultimate femme lesbian choices to me!

runner-ups: immortelle by chloé (still white floral with some tonka snuck in. i like the name for her a lot!)

santiago

i really have nothing to say other than this scent doesn't get very good reviews and it kind of pisses me off and that's perfect for him. def wears way too much of this and it pisses off everyone in the coven. the HEIGHT of gay man who is about to infuriate you.

okay i had a lot of fun doing this. so if anybody else matched my freak ab this i would LOVE to do more.

[altcvnningham]

what’s in a name?

alluded to it in my last adlerbell rot post but i have such a complex over adler naming bell and i find it difficult to put into words. so here’s a very lengthy attempt:

most of the symbolism behind bell’s name is obvious and doesn’t need much stating: it’s indicative of adler’s ownership of bell, literally naming them like a pet, his property. obvious also that a bell was used in their conditioning; as well as a reference to the study of classical conditioning itself by pavlov, who similarly used a bell to condition behavioural responses in the test subject: a dog (hence the myriad dog imagery/symbolism in adlerbell fics… it’s like crack to me)

but the obvious aside it always hits me deepest as part of the “it wasn’t personal” narrative. it’s insanely personal- it’s intimate. i think i put adlerbell on a little bit of a pedestal to view everything about them through a vaguely romanticised lens, but to me it really is- in the most horrifically tragic and sickening way- romantic.

like, you’re bell, right? you trust this man, bell. he is your friend. you witnessed some of the worst atrocities of mankind and survived hell with him and he is your friend. he calls your name through the smoke and gunfire, as a bullet zips past your ear you hear it amidst the splitting of shrapnel, the tearing of screams silenced for but a moment. each time he extends his arm to pick you up, he calls you, bell. every time he directs you to a point of interest, he beckons you, bell. when he nudges you out of your cot in camp haskins, it’s your name he laughs, bell. when he praises you, and smiles at you in that wry, almost boyish way, and tells you how good of a job you’ve done, how we couldn’t have done it without you, how they should be thanking you- it’s your name, bookended, every time, a fondness notched into the welding that stamps you both together inseparably. bell. every single association you have to your name is whenever he pulls you close, helps you, praises you, saves you. your name alone a positive association- to the respect and affection he has for you. bell.

and it’s to the point. adler says their name at any given moment he can. he says it so often it’s infuriating. like deadass take a shot every time. it’s practically a trope in any fic featuring the two, that he utters their name every other line of dialogue. it’s the first thing he says to them at the start of the game- walking into the safehouse at west berlin- not a word, but their name. sure, obviously isn’t the first time he’s spoken to bell, knowing what came before- but it’s presumably bell’s first time walking around freely since mk ultra. that coupled with the trigger phrase must make for a very pliant response- when he says their name, it’s the same man, as far as bell knows, who fought with them back to back in vietnam. something thicker even than blood.

and i reckon adler likes it. mk ultra was a joint effort but bell’s past is based on his choosing, his memories. by no means did he have to pick their name, but he did. he chose to name the thing he’s helped create. it’s almost sick that the ‘closeness’ bell feels towards adler is really only partially synthetic- over a span of months adler really was there, every day, talking for hours and conditioning them over and over and over again. of course he’d name them. something something don’t name an animal you don’t want to get attached to. but it’s his animal. it’s his dog. they’re his bell.

and there’s something just so sickening and so adler that he could have named them anything else in the world- maybe something inconspicuous and plain, like john or jane; something sweet, something that reminds him of someone else, a song he likes, a nickname, an insult, or even something downright cruel. but i don’t think anything could be more cruel and tragically appropriate than calling them by the name of the instrument you used to condition them. to call them by the tool you used to enslave their mind. the very thing that reset their entire being to zero. a bell. not just their name- but the sound, ever ringing, in the back of their mind. the thing that echoes in the empty inside them, to remind them why it’s empty in the first place, its sole purpose to keep them chained in their loyalty to adler. bell.

like i said, i do really think adler likes it. for whatever reason. ownership, spite, just a way to rub salt in the wound any chance he gets, a small victory only he gets to revel in, right in their face. but bell is his. bell belongs to him. when he says their name, it’s the one he chose. time and patience came alongside that bell that rang perpetual in that lab. he’s said that name as many times as he rang it. maybe a part of adler’s as attached to that instrument as much as he is the person he named after it. i’m sure adler hears it chiming in the recesses of his own mind more than he’d care to admit. he’d been around to hear it as long as bell has, hadn’t he? maybe part of him has grown conditioned in his attachment to that instrument too.

but there must be a semblance of pride when he says it. really, to be able to beckon your dog by the name you chose for it. i wonder if a swell of maddened joy tugs at his blackened heart whenever he sees bell’s head perk up at the sound of their name, the one he chose, as implicit and unthinking, automatic, as though it truly were their own. since birth.

and like it couldn’t be enough that he took everything from them. and most importantly that he took them away from perseus- that he stole perseus’ most precious comrade right out from under him, and turned them to an unflinching loyal pup for himself. this isn’t about you, this isn’t about me, this is about millions of other fucking people. is it? when you croon and tut their name between every sentence, are you sure you don’t just like the satisfaction of saying it, knowing how deeply it disarms them? knowing how they are wholly yours, to their very core? to the name they introduce themselves as? to the one they flinch and come running whenever you say it?

ugh. it’s just- a name is so integral to one’s identity. it shapes their life. their personhood. and he didn’t just erase theirs, but he gave them a new one and made sure they’d like it. a conditioned response of pleasure whenever he’d say it. isn’t that intimate?

he took everything. every single shred of who they were. that not even their name is their own. that even their name, their name, belongs entirely to him.

this didn’t make sense, i wrote this mostly for myself, congrats if u read this far. i just wanted to have every single thought and feeling i had about it jotted in one place and file it away ajshsjksjsjsjs

[leonw4nter]

maybe like a lil drabble (or whatever you’d like to do) where instead of hunnigan working with leon, it’s the reader. and they be all flirty and cute and kinda like 👉👈

tbh it can work for anything post-re2r, even if its still before re4r. you can do how he acts around you in different eras (if you want to at all, or just choose an era)

sooo whatever you have most inspo with! thank youu

RE4R!Leon x FOSAgent!F!Reader drabble

After Ashley and Luis had gone to sleep in the small ramshackle shed Leon had managed to locate for the night, he sat by the entrance of their temporary shelter and turned on his comms, waiting for his radio to pick up a stable wavelength to relay information back to HQ. The dingy little thing still wouldn’t pick up a frequency, which the blond didn’t wonder about since he’s been thrown around one too many times, the walkie-talkie probably also got a small beating along with the impact his body took. After giving a small pat to the black box in his hands, he finally managed to hear the static of his handler’s voice.

“Condor One to Roost, baby Eagle is currently taking shelter in this… dilapidated hut,” he sternly reports. “Along with Sera. Luis Sera.”

A moment of silence fills the air, accompanying the gentle pitter patter of the rain on the thickening mud before you respond to his reports.

“Hmm… aerial imaging tells me you’re near a lake, am I right? Can hear the rain from here,” you say.

“Yeah. We’re not too far from a lake,” he responds. “Guess we got eyes in the sky too, huh.”

He hears a faint little breath coming from you, probably a soft scoff. He smiles to himself, the first time in a long time before he brings his wrist near to his face.

“What time is it back home?” he asks.

“1300.”

“You should probably get some rest, baby. Don’t worry about me, I’m making sure we all get out of here in one piece.”

“I want to but I can’t bring myself to,” he hears you softly respond. “I can’t risk losing you, you know. I gotta keep guard on comms 24/7 even though I know you’re great at your job.”

Leon’s heart squeezes a little bit; he knows how important rest is to someone, which is ironic considering how he hasn’t had proper rest in over 96 hours and is desperately craving a good, lengthy sleep though he doesn’t mind if it means keeping Ashley and the flirty Spaniard safe and sound. He won’t mind, most of all, if it meant keeping in touch with you.

“And besides, I have reports to send to Graham– location updates, aerial view images, all that jazz. I have many things to work on,” you say before he hears you yawn quietly. “It’s not like I can just stop doing these because I’m tired; at the end of the day, the president is a father who wants to know how his daughter is doing all the way on the other side of the world. He’s worried sick.”

“And at the end of the day, I’m just your boyfriend who wants to make sure my girlfriend is still taking care of herself despite all her workload,” Leon responds. “I know baby, I know but still take some time to rest– even for a little bit.”

A soft sigh can be heard from your end.

“Fine. But aren’t you supposed to be resting too? Don’t see any threats within a 3-mile radius, you’re good.”

“Nah. Gotta keep watch, can’t be too vigilant. You’ll be the one resting for both of us tonight,” he says.

“Leon.”

“I’ll get rest later, honey. I promise,” Leon pleads.

Another sigh. Gosh, Leon hates how you’ve been sighing a lot more lately, which meant that a lot was weighing on your mind.

“Promise me that. Or I’ll personally fly there to beat your ass.”

“I’d rather you beat something else of mine instead,” Leon jokes.

“I’ll remind you, agent Kennedy, that we’re still on government-operated frequencies so I highly recommend communicating in a professional manner.”

“Ma’am yes ma’am agent Kestrel, the absolute love of my life.”

“I’m going to go on the break you’ve been forcing me to have instead.”

Leon chuckles to himself, a small puff of air leaving his cracked and pale lips.

“Okay, okay. Good night, baby. I’ll talk to you 4 hours from now.”

“Good night, hon. I… I miss you and… please stay safe,” you sincerely whisper to him, unable to switch off the frequency connecting you to him.

“Me too. I miss you. I love you,” he says before turning the radio off and placing it back in one of the many fancy pockets he had.

He props one leg up while he sits, resting his forearm on his knee as he looks out into the dark and foggy scenery. The rain would be nice if he was back home with his girlfriend, cuddling and joking in the bed of their shared apartment instead of this miserable hellhole infested with mutants and murder-crazed cult fanatics. As much as he wanted to bring along a locket or a small picture of you he couldn’t, out of making sure that there would be no traces of foreigners that the crazy locals could use to somehow involve all of America into this. A faint creak of the rickety wooden floorboards has the hairs on the back of his head standing, his hands flying to the sleek silver pistol on his holster to point it at the source of the noise, only for the source of the noise to be the nosy Spaniard who was unfortunately very much wide awake and conscious throughout the conversation he had.

“Didn’t know you had a ladylove, sancho.” was all the man said after raising his arms up as the agent pointed his gun at him.

Leon put his gun back down, the usual smoulder and frown taking its place back into his haggard features as he sat back down and stared out into nothingness again.

“Didn’t peg you as the type to call a lady ‘baby’ or ‘honey’,” he teases. He walks up to Leon, taking a spot beside him and placing a cigarette to his lips before lighting the end of it with his lighter.

“‘You should probably get some rest, baby’,” Luis repeats with a sly smirk as he shoots Leon a curious look.

Leon simply gives him a death glare, squinting his eyes before turning his attention back to somewhere that isn’t irritating or getting on his last nerve.

“That’s not what it was.” It was what it was.

“Mhm, Sancho.”

“You be thankful she hasn’t ratted your ass out to the president yet,” he hisses.

“Good point there,” Luis sneers. “No… no anything then?”, to which Leon responds with silence.

“Then… perhaps she’d like to go out for a jive, a little dance of bachata with me,” the Spaniard presses with a shit-eating grin. “Since you two don’t seem to be anything.”

“Back off from my girlfriend,” Leon blurted as he froze the man in front of him with his steel blue gaze.

Luis puts out his cigarette, chucking it somewhere and gets up as he walks back to where he ‘slept’ moments ago.

“Okay, sancho. I can clearly see that you’re hers,” he comments. “I guess only you have the pass to call her ‘the absolute love of your life’. Buenas noches, amigo.”

With a wink, he lays back down on the floor and turns to his side to fall asleep.

NOTES - It feels great to finally get back to posting again!!! It's been quite some time and since I'm finally finished with the third quarter and my tests, I'll be more active with posting fics :)) Requests have been marinating in my inbox and I know ppl have been waiting for quite some time so here's the request, more otw!!!! I'm also eepy rn so I'm going to go to bed after I post this <3 Neways, thanks for reading my works and I <3333 UUUU!!!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY WHEREVER YOU ARE <3

[steddieas-shegoes]

a lot alike

for @corrodedcoffinfest prompt 'gareth'

rated t | 997 words | cw: mention of shitty parenting | tags: side steddie, gareth and eddie are best friends, post vecna

🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑🧑‍🤝‍🧑

Gareth Emerson is born on July 25th, 1968.

Gareth's parent's divorce is finalized on August 8th, 1968.

Gareth's dad leaves town and never looks back on August 12th, 1968.

***

Eddie Munson is a lot of things, but first and foremost, he's Gareth's best friend. He's more like an older brother at this point, and an annoying one at that.

But he's always there for him, even when things go to absolute shit.

***

On March 29th, 1986, Gareth's dad decides to visit him.

It's not great timing considering the town is in shambles and his best friend is still technically facing murder charges. Steve Harrington says they'll be cleared, but he isn't sure he trusts Steve Harrington much. Robin Buckley backs him up, though, and he had a little bit of a crush on Robin for most of his Freshman year, so he supposes he can find it in himself to trust her.

No one is allowed to see Eddie except for his Uncle Wayne, and Wayne barely leaves his side.

So when Gareth's father comes into town, he doesn't know who to turn to.

Jeff and Frankie would probably be understanding about how confused he is, but they wouldn't get it. Not like Eddie would.

Eddie's dad came and went in his life more times than anyone could count, finally being forced to stay away thanks to a lengthy prison sentence and protective order keeping him away for nearly a decade. He knew what it was like firsthand, and knew Gareth well enough to know that most comforting words wouldn't help.

He's walking up and down the neighborhood, stepping over the cracks that make it seem like the town may splinter into pieces at any second, when Steve Harrington pulls up next to him in his BMW with his window down.

"You wanna go see him?" Steve asks.

"They'll let me in?" Gareth asks back, a little stunned to even see Steve in this part of town. He had no reason to be here as far as he knew.

"Hopper convinced them to let him make a guest list of a few people. You're on it. Hop in."

Gareth had no choice but to believe him.

***

"Nice to see you, son," Wayne patted him on the shoulder just outside of Eddie's room. "Doing okay?"

Gareth shrugged, pretty sure Wayne already knew the answer to that question.

"Well, Ed's on the upswing now. He's still in a lot of pain, so maybe keep your visit today short so he doesn't push himself." Wayne sighed. "Heard your old man was in town."

"You got some great hearing, then."

"He botherin' you and your ma?"

Gareth knew he was just looking out for him, but Steve was standing just on the other side of the door talking to Eddie about something before Gareth went in and he didn't need the King of Hawkins High to hear about his daddy issues.

"Nah. Just heard about the earthquake and decided to check on us for the first time ever."

"You let me know if he starts causing a problem for you two."

It was sweet of him to offer, but probably not necessary. His father was a piece of shit, but he never actively caused problems with them. He just...left.

"Can do."

Wayne squeezed his shoulder before walking down the hall and getting on the elevator.

When Gareth walked into the room, Steve was sitting on the side of the bed, arguing in a hushed tone. His head snapped up when the door closed behind Gareth.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt," he said as he stood awkwardly by the door. He was trying not to gawk at how bruised and scarred Eddie was, but failing. He'd assumed things were bad, but he didn't realize they were this bad. "I can wait outside."

"It's okay, Stevie here was just heading out. He's on a top secret mission to get me some burgers and fries so I don't have to eat another nearly expired fruit cup for dinner." Eddie smiled, or tried to, his mouth falling down into a frown when it seemed to pull on stitches holding him together.

"You gonna hang out a bit? I can grab you something too," Steve offered as he stood, his hand brushing against the back of Eddie's. "I could stop somewhere else if you don't want burgers. I think the pizza place is open again."

"A burger's fine, man. Thanks."

"Cool. Be back soon."

It didn't look like he wanted to leave, but Eddie gave him a small smile and nod and Steve did.

"Not King Steve, man. Anyone but him," Gareth groaned as soon as he was sure Steve was gone. "How?"

"He's not so bad. He's buying you lunch, right?"

"I guess, but I need the whole story soon."

"Maybe after you tell me about your dad being in town."

Gareth gulped. He didn't think Eddie would've heard, but maybe Wayne had warned him.

"Not sure what to say about a guy I don't know." Gareth sighed. "Just wish he hadn't bothered. We're fine. We've been fine this whole time."

Eddie nodded. "He being polite?"

Gareth smirked. That was Eddie's nice way of asking if he needed to get Wayne to take care of someone.

"He's fine. I promise. He probably won't stick around for long. Not with the way half the town isn't even here anymore and the other half is barely functioning." Gareth nudged Eddie's unbandaged hand. "You gonna be okay?"

"If this didn't kill me, nothing will!" Eddie grinned, wincing after a few seconds. "But man have I got some ideas for our next campaign."

"Yeah?"

"Yep. Steve offered his place when I break free if you want."

"Harrington's house used for DnD instead of parties?" Gareth couldn't quite believe it.

"Won't be the first time," Eddie said as he winked. "You in?"

"Sure."

Eddie went off on a tangent about some new monsters while Gareth sat back and smiled.

[82mitsu]

Previously translated pair names that had been posted to Twitter. However corrections had to be made (misinterpretations & an instance of mistranslation), so this is version 2.

Note: This is the only translated thing I will be posting, I am not off hiatus. I had been meaning to archive this before my hiatus, but I also had to fix some things, which is why there was a delay.

Please consult to this post only regarding pair name translations done by me (82mitsu), any other posts or reposts you might see of this chart is the older version. (Previous version has been deleted, but I'm unaware how far the information had spread.)

If any other corrections need to be made, feel free to contact me and I'll make them as soon as possible.

Below follows an extreme lengthy TL note breaking down some pair names, it's a lot of text, so be warned once you unfold the read more.

A lot of research went into these due to 18TRIPs tendency to mix up words, use Gen-Z slang that hasn’t been picked up by everyone yet (or limited to TikTok) and make up their own words (“Omotenashisto” -> “Hospitalister”). I used dictionaries, searched forum results, looked up how people use these words on social media, went TikTok digging, etc.

I tried my best to localize in a way that should make sense even without added context. I only explained the ones that I thought might needed some more back-up in a cultural sense or because it was a specific JPN thing. Thus, not everything has been explained. However, I hope things are clearer compared to the first version that was posted. For Renga & Yukikaze: For ぽゆぽゆ (poyupoyu) there is no definition or anything for this word, but from context clues and digging through how people used it, I deduced that it means something soft and squishy like a plushie or cheeks, so to say. For Renga & Liguang: かりそめの宿縁 (karisome no shukuen) is a Japanese saying about a fated connection of bond that only lasts for a brief moment, but leaves a deep impact on your life. For Renga & Raito: Party is mispelled in the katakana as “paachii” and not the usual “paatii”. Renga has a tendecy to say English words wrong. While “friends” is spelled the correct way, both words have been “mispelled” to drive the point home. For Renga & Kinari: なぁぜなぁぜ (naaze, naaze) is JPN Gen-Z slang from Tiktok. It’s a statement made as an act for complaining, with a bit of sarcasm and irony thrown in at times. Like, “I said I wanna diet but I ate a big meal anyway! なぁぜなぁぜ” or “I’m an idol but I get more anxious doing improv than performances! なぁぜなぁぜ”. Best way I can describe the usage in this context is Renga is throwing a bit of a self-aware tantrum as to why Kinari would correct him. (As mentioned earlier, he isn’t good at English). I guessed a close equivalent would be “nuh-uh”, since that is a dismissal of someone else’s opinion without actual good reason, even if the other person has a point. For Renga & Netaro: まんまん (manman) means “a lot” but I also believe it’s a reference to meatbuns (nikuman). For Kafka & Yodaka: Hanbei is Takenaka Shigeharu, a Japanese samurai from the Sengoku era. He was known for being Toyotomi Hideyoshi’s strategist. For Liguang & Yodaka: 闘牌伝 (touhaiden) is related to Mahjong stuff. 闘牌伝 seems to be an old timey Mahjong video game with RPG elements. Rekka is a fighting game term, and I will quote the website The Fighting Game Glossary by Infil on this: “A type of special move that has multiple stages, as long as you input more commands to continue the sequence. Not all multi-part specials can be called rekkas though; a rekka tends to have exactly three distinct parts and will move your character forward along the ground with each new input.”  For Akuta & Nanaki: They went to the same kindergarten and were grouped together in the “Oden Class”. Japanese kindergartens, from my understanding from researching, tend to have a name for their class, rather than a number. To give an idea what such names could be, in 2019 the website hyenasclubs hosted a poll of most commonly used names for classes, and the top 3 were “baby chick” (hiyoko), “peach” (momo) and “dandelion” (tanpopo). For Akuta & Muneuji: My take on はっけよい輝矢部屋 (hakkeyoi kaguya heya) is a bit of an elaborate bit joking with Princess Kaguya of the Moon (from Tale of the Bamboo Cutter) because I was wondering why they suddenly opted for Muneuji’s last name instead of first. (I might’ve also just overestimated Kaguya Heya being some joke on Kaguya Hime). Hakkeyoi is what a referee shouts at the start of a sumo wrestling match. For Akuta & Ushio: I think ポジティブに腕押し (positive ni ude oshi) is a take on 暖簾に腕押し (noren ni ude oshi) that means something has no effect or is pointless. Lit. it means “pushing a curtain with one's arm”.    For Akuta & Tao: Akuta Nine is a joke on the baseball movie Gyakkyo Nine which is an adaptation of the manga of the same series, I believe. The movie is referred to as GK9, hence I made it AKT9.  For Akuta & Ryui: The original is OYAxKOBU which comes from 親分子分 (oyabunkobun) meaning “boss and his underlings”. Akuta also calls Ryui by “Oyabun”.

For Kiroku & Nanaki: Weebs who watch highschool anime should be familiar with this, but emergency staircase refers to the hallway stairs in a JPN highschool that are sometimes used as chilling out spots by students. For Kiroku & Chihiro: TuRyStA is the clothing brand they wear. 18TRIP has a various selection of clothing brands, which each character having a preference for one or another. For Kiroku & Yodaka: Zhao Yun, as quoted by Wikipedia, “was a military general who lived during the late Eastern Han dynasty and early Three Kingdoms period of China.” For Ushio & Raito: Some heavy freedom was taken with バスボムしゅわリスト (basubamu shuwaristo). After considering how to approach it in the most sensical way, I decided to translate it as “bubblist” due the other options being “hand sign list” or “bubble list”. I thought リスト might function as in -ist, like dentist, artist, guitarist. しゅわ comes from しゅわしゅわ which means bubbly. Although bubblist isn’t not that common, it is sometimes referred to entertainers that do bubble performances (in English). And I think it made more sense than “hand sign list” or “bubble list” to say the least. This was also taking in consideration how 18TRIP, as explained in the intro, gets very creative with its language usage. For Raito & Nagi: Mandarin ducks symbolize “soulmates” of some kind in China. In other words, Mandarin Duck Touring is more along the lines of “Motorcycle touring soulmates”. However, I find the mandarin duck reference and interesting pull compared to just “soulmates”, so it was kept as is. For Kinari & Ryui: “Super Darling Gap Inspection” is more along the original lines. “Gap” in Japanese is usually used in the context of when someone acts one way, but unexpectedly, can act a different way. Ex. A very shy person shows they can be super vulgar, that can be considered a “gap” of some kind. In English, people are more familiar with “gap moe”, thus gap moe was used. For Tao & Nagi: Might be a reference to Yokohama’s Zo-no-hana (Elephant Nose) Park. For Toi & Yodaka: The original is more along the lines of, in the most literal sense, “going around raisins circle (of friends).” Toi likes raisins, but Yodaka doesn’t, so Yodaka passes them onto Toi. I’ve turned into on a play on “sharing is caring” since that’s a common concept in English.

[sierra-r-a-e]

I have been absolutely CRAVING writing these past few weeks, so enjoy this little thing I wrote to quench my thirst!! ✦

MommyKink!Choso x fem!Reader

MDNI under the cut

Choso always looked so pretty, no matter what he was doing. Whether he was sitting there staring off into space or doing some sort of task— but he looked especially pretty when his lengthy cock was stuffed down your throat as he writhed in pleasure. His head was thrown back and he tried to keep his eyes open to look at you as you sloppily sucked him off. He looked down at you with lidded eyes, moaning and whimpering as if having neighbors were a foreign concept to him.

Seeing you kneeling between his legs, your mouth stuffed full of his cock, and your lips shiny with spit has him absolutely reeling. His mind was clouded with pleasure as he fisted the couch cushion, trying to keep it together.

A dark blush coated his cheeks as he begged, "Please, please don't stop, 'm so close~" You continued to suck him off, desperate to see him fall apart right in front of you. He held your hair up in a makeshift ponytail— just as you had taught him to do. Taking him as far down your throat as possible, then bringing your head back up to swirl your tongue around his ever-so-sensitive tip.

That's when he said it, "Mommy please, you're gonna make me cum~!" You moan around his length, heat immediately rushing straight to your core, making your knees go weak. You never knew that one word could have such an effect on you, yet here you are.

You pull off him with a soft 'pop', continuing to jerk him off with your hand. "Fuck, please call me that again-", you say breathlessly, looking up at him with hazy eyes, then going back to sucking him off just the way he likes it.

Hearing your plea nearly sends him over the edge, absentmindedly tugging on your hair, he whimpers out one more "Mommy, please~" Hearing that come out of his mouth has you over the moon. You moan around his cock once more, the vibrations sending him tipping over.

He finishes with a loud moan of your name, his hips involuntarily thrusting up into your mouth as he rides out his high. You swear that you could've came just from listening to the sounds he makes, or watching his eyes roll back into his head from the overwhelming pleasure he felt.

After pulling off of his now softening cock, you take a moment to catch your breath. You swallow every bit of his release as he stares down at you with both love, and lust.

"So, what was all that about, hm?" You ask in a teasingly, trying to get a reaction out of him. He immediately avoids eye contact and looks down, a pink color beginning to coat his cheeks.

"Aw, I'm just teasing," you say slowly standing up to press a kiss to his forehead. "I actually really liked it." You continue, moving to sit down beside him, resting your head on his shoulder. Little did you know how much your comment affected him— in the best way.

Wc: 512

Thank you so much for reading!

This is the first thing that I've ever written and posted, so bear with me if it's absolutely atrocious. (´•̥ ᵔ •̥`)

Divider credits go to @ saradika-graphics

[lukolabrainrot]

This is going to be long, I am sorry.

So, recent posts, we are all talking about them, assuming things, trying to find 5 differences and all that, but certain comments sparked a thought in me which I would like to share. What if we all are looking into timeline in the wrong way? Now I would need someone with an actual knowledge of how this promo contracts works to confirm or correct or entirely contradict my little theory. Is there a general timeframe in a contract during which L would have been supposed to post about this hotel or is a truly specifically established day? Now hold that thought, I would like to explain why this theory even came into my head and it’s a bit lengthy.

I think we all notices certain patterns and features in behavior of some less pleasant individuals in L close social circle. And even though we don’t have any concrete proof we have some pretty damning evidence that something went wrong post Part 2 premiere and more importantly during the “happiest” Italian gateway in relation to those particular individuals. We can see it clearly in their behavior during and post that, in pictures as well as drastic behavioral pattern changes. Not going to elaborate on this we have all been here during that and there are more than enough of in depth analysis on various platforms, this lovely blog including.

One such evidence which makes me pretty certain that something happened is actually N herself. There were many, many ways to post about her close friends’ birthday, but she specifically chose those pictures and that phrasing. She could have even just post those cute pictures with some other words, but no, she mentioned paparazzi and friends protecting friends. Along with someone mentioning L leaving two days earlier than his friends (not a 100% fact I concur but definitely possible), this makes me believe he truly learned something to shake those relationships, perhaps some kind of betrayal? And we know that N is protective of people in her life, even as just a friend if he shared the situation with her, I can totally see her wishing to throw some shade on people who put in jeopardy her friends’ safety and privacy. (I would have done exactly the same thing) N just coincidentally had a very convenient, easily deniable way to do just that.

Now I truly do believe that likes on SM mean nothing, just from my personal perspective. We also know that L followed and liked J posts on SM for a while even after a break up. This situation though seems different, A is different. I saw someone make a comment that L likes seem almost like a little reminder to A that he still can see what she is doing, we all know SM games she enjoyed playing promoting their supposed intimacy. At that time I dismissed it because it seemed too far fetched, but what if not? I mean, if he finally comprehended her shadiness, as well as some other people’s, what if he finally sees the bigger picture?

And after this essay finally comes my timeline idea. What if it was not A who posted before L, but he who posted after her? Now read that again. When she just posted a day before L, everyone immediately assumed that it looks like Cypress, and that even though she tries to make it look like someone tall is filming her, something didn’t seem quite right, ergo A playing games again. And is it not strange that her first hazy but more or less direct hint at him being in her life still, came after N and L had some interaction on SM (her posting him, and him liking her post for KS), as well as whole JD situation taking attention away from her? What if L saw it and decided to use his promo to clarify any assumptions. “I am in Spain and I am alone,” he connected it to Bridgeton and made sure to emphasize that he is there by himself. This, of course, is just my little theory. The reason I even came up with it is because I never saw similarities in those pictures myself, and I think L expected people to realize that. Which is why he posted another balcony pic after people started commenting on similarities to As’ post, with one towel, one cup, one person. Now I am not trying to be purposely obtuse or in denial, I genuinely do not see anything beyond passing similarities that can be found in many Mediterranean resorts. And if you look closely at the balcony pictures that most seem to be basing their views on, I suggest you look again. Truly. At picture of L in a cap standing in front of balcony with greenery, take some eye measurements. We know he is approximately 185cm high, the greenery is somewhat at his hip area, A is shorter than L but even still that greenery would not be almost reaching her breasts. But as I said, just my opinion, my observation.

.

[arcane-ish]

Vi got robbed by the finale

First, a few words on where I'm coming from. I really enjoyed Vi and felt for her in season 1. I'm a Cait/Vi enjoyer and was looking forward to their resolution. I do not have fundamental objections to Vi becoming an enforcer. I don't have a problem with Caitlyn and Vi having sex in the Jinx cell and I actually think it is one of the better scenes of her arc.

IMO she was great, tragic POV heroine and lead in season 1.

Her status changed in season 2, which is reflected in the screntime distribution (ie both Jinx and Caitlyn having more screentime). This does not have to be a bad thing. You can have good arcs and emotionally resonant stories even as a supporting character.

But the more and more I think about the finale and Act 3, the more I think Vi really got treated badly. And the core is really this:

I've joked that I thought about switching my ship allegiance to Mel/Cait after the finale. I'm not actually serious about it. But it got me to think.

And I came up with the following thesis:

1.) Vi is really, really unimportant and useless in the final fight 2.) That matters because they went with an an action finale

On to a long post discussing Vi's role in the finale and Vi's arcs in Act 1 and 2 and her lack of meaningful arc in Act 3.

Within the finale there's really a clear hierarchy of conflicts.

1.) Viktor is the biggest threat and the most emotionally emphasized climax. Jayce is the action and emotional hero of this threat, Ekko is the supporting cool action hero of this threat.

2.) Ambessa is the second most scary threat. She's not a universe threatening as Viktor, but she's still badass and interesting and she gets a cool and very lengthy action scene associated with her. Mel is the emotional core of this conflict. Cait gets the badass action part of this conflict. Mel and Cait also directly coordinate, increasing the badassery.

3.) Warwick by comparison is barely a goon. He feels like an afterthought. Not like a major threat. Vi and Jinx are "assigned" to him. Jinx is the hero of this already fairly unimportant conflict and I would argue she even gets the bigger emotional punch, even though Vi is clearly affected as well.

I find it striking how different Vi's role in the battle feels to Caitlyn. Caitlyn it feels gets two badass action sequences. First in the smoke, really getting to show of her sharp shooting:

While at the same time, Vi gets her shit kicked in by regular Noxian soldiers and is busy... trying to hold a door? Babysitting the shooting of a rocket?

I've been thinking about it. On paper, there isn't that much of a difference between Cait's sharp shooter sequence and Vi's sequence at the tower.

Both show several people dying around them (though Cait acts calm and professional about it while Vi reacts emotionally). Both have bit player characters stepping in to help execute what they are doing (Steb placing the bomb, Jhin tease guy shooting the rocket). Both have missions that kind of fail (Cait's bomb doesn't go off, the rocket shoots the empty egg thing).

But it still feels like Caitlyn just gets way more glory shots. While Vi gets pushed to the floor, gets rescued by Jinx and Ekko riding to her rescue.

Her big glory shot

In theory should be great. She is punching Warwick to rescue Jinx. But it's shot so far away and turns around so fast into Warwick choking her, we don't feel the impact of her punch at all, even though on paper it is Vi using her gauntlets in a really cool innovative way.

If I compare how the Cait/Ambessa fight goes, yes Cait also gets hurt and thrown to the ground.

But Cait's fight just feels way more badass and Cait like a fundamental part of that conflict. Cait and Mel fight like a well coordinated team while Vi, Jinx and Ekko feel a lot more erratic. Cait is the one who initiates the fight in the first place, Cait is the one who makes a badass sacrifice to open up an essential tactical weakness. Yes, Mel gets the last shot and the emotional payoff, but it still feels very much like Caitlyn's fight too.

Yes in theory, Vi and Jinx go back and forth with saving each other, but it's just much faster and erratic, and *busier*, it just never has the same impact to hit. (I would be very interested in seeing a numbers breakdown, how much screentime is spent on the various different fights but also who has longer scenes before the next cut is)

It just feels like this finale is filled with scene after scene after scene with Vi being shellshocked and helpless and not really being super effective enough to compensate for that. Neither her glory moments, not her emotional moments really get the time to breathe the way this moment does with slo-mo and a song.

Compare Vi hurtling herself at Warwick to save Jinx, versus Jinx hurtling herself at Warwick to save Vi.

Okay, so is this just a dick measuring contest over who gets to be the most badass?

No. It's not a crime for Vi not to be the most effective fighter in the finale. But let's take a step back.

Act 1: Vi is a supporting character, but she has a clear role

I have said before I feel a major difference to season 1 is that rather than Vi being the main driving character, the show switched. Cait is the main character of Act 1, Jinx of Act 2.

Vi has lost her spot as main character, but her role in the story is still very clear. She is there as Cait's partner, her heart, her conscience. She witnesses Cait's distress. She tries to reach out to her. When they have an action scene, they work together and coordinate.

Arcane has action roots. Characters express themselves through their action scenes. That's why it's important who gets what action scene.

Also, while Cait's grief and hate and decisions drive the events of Act 1, Vi has her own arc of having hardened towards Jinx (agreeing Cait should take the shot) and then having that challenged by the end and of course getting an emotionally charged poignant moment when Cait dumps her when Vi takes a stand for Isha (= Vi making a choice).

Act 2: Vi is a supporting character, but she has a clear emotional arc

IMO Jinx is the clear lead character of act 2. She has a clear arc with Isha, befriending Isha, rescuing Isha, losing Isha.

Jinx is also the driving force of the Warwick arc. She encounters Warwick first. She is the one Warwick recognizes first. She puts 2+2 together. She seeks out Vi. She initiates their trip to the mines. She gives Vi the important hint about correctly handling Warwick. Warwick jumps into action ("Don't touch my daughter") to save her. His "death" in this arc is linked to Jinx and Isha.

But Vi still has a nice and satisfying enough arc in Act 2 anyway. She starts at rock bottom and grieving, she gets roped in by Jinx, she is initially suspicious of Jinx, she starts to trust Jinx more, her reunion with Warwick is emotional, they all go and try to help him, Jinx and Vi think about their mother.

Vi also goes from grieving Cait, to fixing her own life a little bit, to re-encountering Cait and teaming up with her again.

The big theme of Vi's arc is trust. She has to get over her fears and trust Jinx's advice on Warwick, just like she has to trust Caitlyn about letting Cait tie her up and play fake prisoner.

Act 3: Jinx has an arc about Vi, but Vi has no arc about Jinx

Jinx's in arc in Act 3 is about deciding to leave Vi. Everything in this arc is to prepare us for it.

Vi is not at all in the first episode. Even though the trigger of that episode was according to Amanda Overton what would happen if Vi had died in the original explosion, and the episode is absolutely respectful of Vi, with much grief and praise about it, in the end the portrayal isn't really about how life is impossible for these characters without Vi.

We get told what's going to happen to Jinx and get emotionally prepared for it, even though we don't know it. Sometimes leaping a step forward means leaving a few things behind. We get prepared for the idea that leaving things behind doesn't have to be a bad thing.

In the next episode, again we are getting prepared for what Jinx wants to do through her vision of Silco. She's going to heroically break the cycle of violence. Also, codes and commitments (like Vi's to Jinx) can be the bars we lock outselves in with. Identities (like the Jinx identity) are the cells we want to break out of.

Jinx then makes her decision. She's going to leave Vi. Vi never giving up on her is perceived to be something negative by her. She sets Vi free, telling her to stop caring about Jinx, telling her to be happy with Cait instead.

In the last episode, Ekko talks her out of killing herself. But Jinx still is determined to leave Vi. She says her goodbye to Vi. She assures Vi that it's not a problem because they will always be close anyway.

She then cuts the ties, lets go of Vi's hand and tumbles down with Warwick (and by most people's logic, fakes her own death and leaves the city).

Jinx has made a decision about Vi, which she executes. But Vi has no say in this decision. That's why she has no arc. She doesn't get to make a decision about her future really.

Even sneaking out to try and save Jinx we find out was prepared for by Caitlyn (and of course we find out that Caitlyn is the one who understands what Jinx did while Vi is still outside of this decision). And yes, she chooses to sleep with Caitlyn and she chooses to live with Caitlyn. But do these things really feel like part of her arc or just Vi reacting to circumstances?

IMO Vi wasn't ready to let Jinx go, that's why Jinx had to do it against Vi's will. That's why Vi doesn't make a real decision in Act 3.

Amanda said they wanted to explore who Vi would be if she didn't have anybody she had to protect and that is a valid and cool idea. But how much time with that did we really get?

And yes I genuinely think that if Vi had gotten a better action role within the finale it would have made a real difference in not making her feel so aimless.

Don't get me wrong. I get why they split it like that. The story required for Vi and Jinx to be paired up, so they can execute the conclusion of their sisters story. And unfortunately, compared to the other threats going on in the finale that story didn't really get the attention and gravitas and time and focus it deserved. (also Vi doesn't have a meaningful enough relationship with Ambessa for it to work for her to be in the Ambessa confrontation)

The problem is also that Vi doesn't really have much of a say in the conclusion of the sisters story. And her future is with Caitlyn.

So if they had found a way to sneak in some Vi and Caitlyn also doing action together or even just have Vi react to Caitlyn's duel or have Caitlyn react to Vi being under attack from Warwick, I think it would have felt more satisfying vis a vis the relationship they are going to have.

Alternatively. I love Ekko. I love that he got a badass fighting moment against Viktor. But in the moment where Jayce flies past Vi, for a moment I thought Vi would switch battlefields and Jayce and Vi would team up again, like they've done a couple of times already. If Vi's identity within the final battle was to be a big damn hero, that would also have imo left us more assured about what her identity is moving forward. Rather than the only thing we have is her being fairly weak in battle, being left out of information loops/not being smart enough to recognize them and being Cait's sweet live in girlfriend.

I don't hate Vi. I don't hate CaitVi. And I actually have some hope that maybe there is a chance that CaitVi as a pair will get to show off their stuff in some other form after all. But yeah, that's why imo season 2 and particularly Act 3 really did Vi a disservice.

(I'm not even suggesting things like Vi's decision to fight for Piltover and seeing so many Zaunites die being given gravitas or her reacting to Sevika being on the council, because I think the writers just have no interest in this topic at all)

[ariathelamia]

Hellhound HRT - Day -???

Little note at the start: Hellhound HRT is being written by Arynia, who is a alter... the only alter in this system ^^ Since she is unable to front so far, we decided to have her write the story~ well she tells me what to write and i do that~ Don't worry, Lamia HRT is going to continue! It's just a bit of a drawing rut on my end^^..

Thank you @dawning-mars for the cameo and help writing this~ it was a lot of fun working with you!! Anyway~ on to the story!!

“That FUCKING asshole!” 

I shout while kicking the empty can of soda down the alleyway, hitting a trash can and accidentally spooking the Racoon that was currently inside of it away..

I just happened to leave the clinic of this gigantic egotistical asshole doctor Erian, my tail all the way along my back and fur all over the place. Shit, getting ahead of myself here.

‘Sup, Names Arynia, but people just call me Nia. I’ve been on Wolf HRT for a while… probably what.. 4 to 5 months now? Well let me just paint a picture. Think about an average height punk girl, with a body mostly covered in a mix of orange and gray fur… Got a nice long undercut for hair, and an otherwise still pretty human face, if you discount the slight elongation that would become my snout one day.  Got me a pretty neat tail though! Doctor was quite surprised when he saw it, usually they don’t get that tall so quickly? I guess I lucked out on that one. Legs are still humanoid though… no signs of paws yet… they do ache a little but i guess i traded the Tail growth for the leg restructuring.. Well none of this matters now cause that fucker just cut me off the meds anyway because i accidentally let slip that “being a normal wolf might not be as fulfilling as i thought… that i wanted something a little… extra.”... Guess that was enough for that idiot asshole bastard to say “If you are not happy with the current progress then continuing from here on out won’t be in your best interest.” And something about coming back when i know what i actually want and if this is the right thing and- URGH!! I should have kept my mouth shut but that's just not my style… 

Anyway back to the here and now. Feeling kinda bad for the Racoon… well can’t say sorry now that it’s gone. But what the fuck do i do now? Well first things first, checking the messages… Lot’s o’ new people sending in their first dosage posts… pretty neat. Some new faces joined the support group-... ah shit gotta make the news that i probably gotta leave now.. since i don’t really have an ongoing prescription anymore… ACTUALLY- maybe someone has an idea what to do… yeah thats a better outlook, after all that asshole Theodore isn’t the only doc around. 

I ended up sending a lengthy text in the vent section about my situation.. At first people sent some pleasantries but then also some neat ideas on where to go. I did mention my wish for something more… extravagant and low and behold, someone heard of a library in Hypercity that I should check out. Something about a Mysterious worker there that spooked some customers away with her… “monstry aura”? Sounds neat. Just gotta find the place.

Good thing the Maps app on the phone works in Hyper City.. otherwise this place would become a maze… It’s been neat just exploring new areas though, seeing all kinds of people on different stages in their HRT. Cats… Bats… a freaking DRAGON… pretty sure saw some cyborg too but not sure if that’s HRT or just them wearing prosthetics.. either way looked pretty neat. Ever since this stuff hit the market, and more people managed to grab the formula and distribute it, new kinda therians pop out by the day. Good thing I got a spot in that support group when they still had any. Although things do be a bit hectic in the chats.. but that’s alright. Anything major and important is learned in the group sessions anyway.

After another half an hour of walking and listening to the instructions on my phone, I finally made it to the library…  Pretty normal looking place from the outside if you think about the worker here that everyone is making mysteries of is apparently supposed to be some kinda… space monster.. though the descriptions do shift from mention to mention. Anyway I decided it’s enough waiting around… time to go in.

The SECOND I stepped into the lobby, my instincts fired alarm signals. I don’t know how to interpret that but god damn, my fur was standing upright and my ears clenched backwards. What the fuck is going on? Despite my body telling me to run, I go forward… this wolf ain’t no quitter i tell you that! My hand slowly reaches for the bell at the reception, after three deep breaths I finally manage to ring it. The body is making one last attempt to try to make me run away, now that I have given away my position to whatever predator it was so afraid of. But I won't. I gotta know what the hell this place is about now.

As the bell rings, the library quickly goes cold. The lights seem to be weaker, trying to fight against a layer of darkness that wasn’t present before the ring. The air is heavy and the sounds of footsteps can be heard from book stacks. Through the Darkness emit 5 bright eyes, their pinkish purple hues fluctuate and pulse. 

“Hello Deary, Welcome to the Thayer Library. My name is Mars, how can I help you?” 

Her voice vibrates with an unnatural distortion. Emerging into view is a 7 foot tall creature. Her skin is an unsaturated purple that resembles that of a shark's skin. She wears a black 50’s style dress with a ribbon tied at her waist. A large black sun hat covers a portion of her feature lacking face.

Quite the contrast in style compared to my black tank top, skinny jeans with ripped sides and black and white sneakers…

Mars passes me, walking back to the front desk. She looks down and gives me a monstrously happy grin. 

I take a moment to take in this surreal sight… I’ve seen my fair share of therians and otherkin before… Hell, one of my friends is a freakin’ Lamia… but THIS?! This is something entirely different. Feel like I just got transported into a whole different world, even though my actual position did not change…

“Uhm- name’s Arynia.. I was told this place could help me out with a predicament I found myself in. You see i uh-... just got cut off from my HRT for wanting something more… “Special” than a normal wolf and uh-... yeah-... here I am. Is there anyone you can introduce me to? Or how does this work?...” 

I stop myself from just babbling on and wait with baited breath for the answer of Mars. Trying to figure out WHAT kind of otherkin she is…

“Hm, what exactly do you mean by ‘special’?” She asked, looking me over and giving an inquisitive glare. She didn’t have pupils to track, but the way her brows shifted and glared. I felt myself being scrutinized, like I was being dissected. I struggled to find the words, the eye on her forehead looked deeper than the rest. It’s unblinking resolve pierces through me to my very being. I felt afraid, angered, lost. She must’ve noticed how I felt as she reached to the lid of her hat and pulled it down to cover the fifth eye.

I looked at her with an unsure expression… What DID i mean by that? God, his words about being not sure what I even wanted came back to my head… I didn’t want to be just a wolf… although being a Wolf isn’t bad I just needed something more… “... demonic…”

I suddenly said quietly.. my own thoughts bubbling out of my mouth involuntarily.

“Not… like a demon-demon but like… I don't know… a Demon Wolf? Fur that is almost like smoke but also… solid? ... heat that burns in my chest…

That kinda special…”

Mars' expression changes and sits down at her computer. As her attention turned to the screen I felt a weight ease off me. I nervously watched as the being before me tapped away on her computer. As she typed up something she looked up.

“I think I understand” 

Mars says, not looking up from the computer screen.

“There are ways to be… ethereal, cosmic, existing both in the mortal realm and the outer realms. Technically speaking, what you’re asking fits the description of the Abrahamic Hellhound. But I feel that’s not what you're looking for. It’s hard to explain the unexplainable… trust me..”

Mars hits the enter button as she looks back up at me. A kinder smile on her face as she looked for my response. The pressure of her presence once more weighed down on me as I stumbled to respond.

I scratch the back of my head and nod. 

“Y-yeah. Kinda hard to find something that describes the kind of thing I am looking for. A Hellhound sounds not bad, maybe some kinda different version! Maybe something with a bit more… fur hehe.. I guess you would know what it’s like. I don’t want to sound mean but I have never seen anything like you either.”

“Well my transition is a bit… different than the rest.. it’s hard to explain and it’s harder to understand. Frankly I’m still trying to figure out what I am and what’s going on…”

I notice her grab something from behind their desk. She looks down as I hear her scribble something out before standing up once more.

“I think I have something of interest to you, within the archives we have a selection of old reproductions from the Library of Alexandria. It was there where I found a way to become what I am. I believe I know something in the vault that might help you”.

She walked past me, her back appendages stretching outward and then falling back to a rest state. Her tail sways as she walks past the stacks and to a glass door saying ‘Employees Only’.

“Stay here and I’ll have the item brought down for you, feel free to look around while I’m gone.”

It was then that I first noticed how freaking exhausted I was from all the tension that was constantly in my body. I slumped against the desk and felt like I could breathe normally for the first time in my life, even when I didn't notice me breathing abnormally before. This entire situation is beginning to make me feel… somewhat… no… not somewhat.. REALLY excited! When I first started my transition into a Wolf, I felt a slight excitement with it.. not nearly as strong as it is now.  I was sure, this is it! I am at the right place, whatever comes next is what I really wanted!! 

I didn’t start looking around, my feet were almost stuck to the ground, my body still somewhat on edge. My fur definitely needed a brush now with how much it keeps shifting from the adrenaline that keeps shooting through my body in waves. I can’t wait to see what Mars is going to bring back from that employee section… figures that the good stuff is being held back from the general public but hey, who am i to complain. It’s not like the things are not being used for others outside of the employees, guess there is a genuine reason.. if it is able to “produce” beings like Mars, maybe that’s for the better to keep it somewhat detained.

There’s a ding from behind the door and the sound of something rolling. As the employee door unlocks Mars steps out, pushing along a small cart. The second she’s within eyesight I feel her presence once more as I find myself frozen with anxiety. 

“Here we are, the Alexandria Chronicles.”

She says with a pleased chirp. She sets the book between two angled pieces of foam. She gently flips through the pages, being extra careful with her sharpened talons. She settles on a page with incantation circles and text written in some ancient language. She moves her head and runs her claw along the text before turning back to me.

“Arynia, what I have here is a book that contains the remnants of the Library to Alexandria. Within these pages contain the history of the old gods, the ones who continue to influence us in secret. If you want to be like me, you will be made aware of these old ones. You will endure immeasurable pain and psychosis. I say this not to scare you, but to warn you.. to prepare you..”

Mars ushers me forward with her hand. I feel myself walk towards her, but not on my own volition. I approach the book, seeing the inscriptions up close and find the page overwhelming with information. 

“Do you have any questions?”

I take a long look at the writing. Nothing I could ever understand… but still i feel the weight of Mars’s words on my entire body. “I was ready for the pain of the HRT. I saw how much it weighed down on people I care about so that point I am sure is not going to hold me back. As for these old ones…” I took a determined look at Mars, as much as I felt afraid when simply in her presence… There was also the resolve to continue.

“I guess my only question would be when we can start. I can worry about the rest later. Right now my heart tells me that this is the right thing for me.”

Mars smiles and gestures back to the book, her clawed finger gently pointing at a scribble written in the margins. The blurb appears to be an old attempt at translating the chant. The combination of consonants and vowels made it difficult to read. 

“If you need assistance, never be shy to reach out. With that said, let’s begin”.

I nod, but then raise an eyebrow. “So-  I just read out the stuff written on the page?”

“We’ll need to set up a ritual circle, but try reciting this till you feel confident. I’ll get the circle set up.”

Mars steps back and walks to the front door. I hear the latching of the front doors and her footsteps walking to the front desk. I turn my attention back to the few lines of translated text. I reread the text a few times working on the exotic letter combinations. Once confident I try saying it out loud in a hush tone. Tripping over a few words but finding it not as difficult as I initially thought. 

Would have never thought I would end up in a library, practicing ancient texts in order to get some medicine that turns me into a hellhound! Not to mention this being connected to eldritch gods? Wonder if i should give this maybe some more thought… but then again.. it’s this or going to that asshole Erian and beg him to put me back on the hrt… yeah no this is definitely the better option. 

I ended up practicing for, what felt like an hour, managing to no longer stumble over the words. I pick up the book, still mumbling the text while walking to where Mars is probably either still setting up, or is waiting for me. 

I reached a clearing and found a large summoning circle matching the one from the book. Another circle filled the center as well as a ring of the ancient language. She smiled at me as she stood and handed me a candle. 

“Set this where you like and light it. Once that’s done we’ll be ready”.

I nodded and turned away as I was handed a candle and a match. My mind raced with thoughts and feelings. I couldn’t stop contemplating if this was the right choice. If this would truly make me a hellhound. I felt drawn to a certain part of the circle and placed the candle. As I lit it I felt the air shift, my breath could be seen and as I turned back Mars sat just outside the circle with the book. She ushered me forward and like earlier I felt myself moving at her command. I kneeled next to her and looked at the book, sweat racing down my cheek as Mars placed a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s ok hun, I’ll be here to help you”.

I felt comforted by that and gave a gentle smile. I turned down to the book, nervously grabbing the edges and looking back at the translation. I grew worried that I would mess this up, that I flub the pronunciation. I felt like I was drowning and gasped for the biggest breath I’ve ever taken. And then, I began reading.

“Ph’nglui Mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh.. Wgah’nagl fhta-“

I felt a pit in my stomach, the last syllable seemed impossible to say, the ease and confidence was gone. Now I fought against some external force to finish the words.

“FHTAGN!!!!”

Then there was a flash, my eyes began to tear up as I felt a rush of surging energy. The circle illuminated, the ground shook, I felt my face being pulled in all directions. I wanted to shut my eyes but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything but witness waves of images and voices. My vision began to split, I could see more than just the library. I could see pillars, a cracking moon, a hall draped with yellow banners. These images flooded my mind and soul and then nothing. I was floating in a vast void, I felt a moment of ease before the realm began splitting, an eye larger than anything I’ve ever witnessed glared at me… through me? I tried avoiding its gaze, but I wasn't able to… I tried to speak up but my instincts clenched my mouth shut. 

I felt another rush as I was pulled away and then, finally, I blinked. My eyes celebrated the release of the tension as they began to refocus. I felt control regain in my mind and arms as I reached up and wiped the tears. I took a moment to recover, my mind still reeling from what I witnessed.

“Harsh, isn’t it?”

I turned to see Mars who looked relieved. She smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“You seemed to handle that very well. It’s something to have every sense we have to be overwhelmed. It’s crippling, and when we have that control it feels so foreign..”

Mars reached for the now closed book and took it in her arms. She cradled it like a child and stood up and offered me a hand. I wasn’t sure I could stand yet, my legs felt like they were still trembling. I could tell Mars read my expression as she pulled her hand away. 

“Sorry, why don’t you relax a bit while I get this all cleaned up.”

I nod to the best of my ability. Still trying to come to terms with what just happened. My eyes went from Mars towards the ground as my mind tried to make sure that I was back on earth… and not in whatever place I was before… It is at this very moment I start to realize what I just signed myself up for. And the fact settles in that this is not going to be the last time my very foundation of reality is going to be shaken. I look up at Mars one more time.

“Di-” I cough.. damn spit must have gotten in my throat at some point…

“Did it work?”

Mars turns her attention to the center of the circle and sees a small orange bottle. And smiles and turns back to me and nods.

“It did, welcome to family”

I looked back to the center of the circle when Mars did, turning back shortly after with a smile. 

“Thanks~ I guess I’ll be visiting this place more often now~” 

I slowly stand up, my legs still shaking from the ordeal and pick up that small orange pill bottle. It has my name on it… hades-lupusitine… bit on the nose name but hey, ain’t gonna complain as long as it does the job. The name of the prescribing doc was left blank though… then again that makes sense… don’t think you can fit whatever that eyeball's name was on the small tag of a pill bottle… IF that was the one that heard my call from the ritual… 1-0-1… so guess two of them a day… mornings and evenings huh?

I turn back to Mars with a smile as big as I can manage, and a wagging tail swishing behind me.. 

“Thank you so goddamn much for all of this Mars!” She smiled back at me. No more words needed to be spoken… not that I was really able to speak much after that mental strain anyway.. She kindly walked me out of the Library after putting the book back where it was safe. We waved each other goodbye, promising to stay in touch. I took my walk home, caressing the small pill bottle in my Jeans pocket and just itching to take the first pill in the evening. I just hope the next cosmic horrors at least knock first…  

-----------------------------------------------

Next

Definitely check out Mars's Eldritch HRT series!!

[alittlebitofsainz]

a place in this world - ch1

a dream come true. you, a race engineer in formula one, having built your way up through the ranks. sure, the 2020 season hadn’t exactly gone the way that everyone had expected, but this was your chance, your moment to prove to the world of racing what you and your driver, carlos, were made of. but carlos isn’t staying at mclaren forever, and eventually, you’ll have a decision to make…

pairing: carlos sainz x f! reader. slow burn colleagues to friends to lovers (please, from my own experience, don’t follow this pipeline)

info: reader lives in the uk due to working at mclaren, and is somewhat implied to be british. it is also implied that they listen to bbc radio 2 and support leicester city football club. this may or may not be because these things are true of me and I wasn’t planning on publishing this, sorry!

warnings: cursing, a lil’ bit of angst, very infrequent use of y/n, one (1) google translated spanish sentence, a dry british writing style xoxo a/n: hello! welcome to a little passion project I never thought I’d share with the internet. this will eventually become a sort of ‘choose your own adventure’ type series, where you can make decisions about your career that can eventually lead you to different teams and drivers. will be posting a masterlist soon with more info so bare with me! any feedback / comments are always welcome

Masterlist | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4

Chapter One: … Ready for It?

it had started out like any other wednesday. except it hadn’t, not really. the nature of your job meant that there was no ‘any other wednesday’. most wednesdays meant that you were jetting off to some new country, your wide eyed face in the window seat, reflecting back off the pane of glass separating you from the dancing lights of some exciting new city, 5,000 feet below. race engineer to mclaren-renault formula one driver number 55, carlos sainz, wasn’t exactly what you had listed as what you wanted to be when you grew up, but you were far from disappointed that that’s what your linkedin profile now read, a metaphorical middle finger to everyone who’d said you’d never amount to anything in motorsports.

but by all accounts it had been a relatively uneventful wednesday in your life, in fact even more so than usual compared to the early morning check ins at Stansted airport that you’d grown accustomed to. this week was silverstone, your home race, if race engineers could call it that, and that meant no early mornings, no check ins, no flights, no decanting your liquids into tiny bottles and zipping them into a plastic bag to take through security. this wednesday was a stop at sainsburys to fill up the tank of your vw polo with petrol, and an 80 mile drive west towards silverstone circuit. the most exciting part of your morning was getting stuck in half an hour of traffic on the m25; you didn’t even need the dulcet tones of Richie Anderson on radio 2 to tell you there’d be traffic at Potters Bar. as a native southerner, you could just feel it in your bones.

still, only fifteen minutes late to track wasn’t too bad, considering your lengthy journey, and you were by far the last member of the team to arrive. you would’ve been even less late, but for the fact that you’d sat for the best part of five minutes in your car, engine off, staring at the notification on your phone. there were so many questions running around in your head, first and foremost of which was why on earth did dan from engineering have your number? but the second question, which was possibly the more important one, was why did carlos ask him for it? he said that it ‘might be useful to contact each other.’ if the current expression on your face could be summed up in a noise, it would be a very confused and very emphatic ‘huh?’.

sure, you and carlos interacted a lot during race weekends, that much was a given. you were forever catching up to discuss data, strategies, the car setup, the sandwich options at the hospitality, why the leicester city football team would beat real madrid in a fist fight. so okay, your conversations weren’t allstrictly work related, and you could’t deny that the two of you got on well and seemed to really understand each other, but that was all part of being a driver and race engineer duo; you had to be on the same wavelength. it was non-negotiable. but swapping phone numbers? you couldn’t imagine why the two of you would need to text or call each outside of work hours, and you had work phones for that. which led you to your third and fourth questions: number three, why did you suddenly feel so nervous and giddy with excitement when you re-read his message for the seventh time? (question three point five was why did you re-read his message seven times?) and number four, what the hell were you supposed to message back in reply?

you typed in a thumbs up emoji and then immediately deleted it. how fucking old were you, 65? what next, start talking to him about the cold war? no, you had to keep it fun and casual, not too overfamiliar but not too weirdly distant and cold. god, why was this so difficult? you felt like a schoolgirl with a teenage crush, constantly typing various replies and deleting them again, letter by letter. eventually you settled on a cool, calm and collected response, typing it out and shoving your phone into your pocket before you had time to overanalyse what you’d just sent. quickly gathering up your stuff from the boot of your car, you spammed the lock button on your car keys, just in case the first five times didn’t stick, and trotted off towards the entrance to the paddock.

as it was approaching the hour mark since he’d sent his text, carlos had been starting to worry that he’d overstepped an unwritten boundary. why had he even asked dan from engineering for her number in the first place? it just felt like something that he should have. lando had will’s number, he’d already asked him that. but once he’d sent the message he realised that he couldn’t really come up with an excuse as to why he’d needed it, why he couldn’t have waited until he’d seen her this weekend and ask for her number from herself. like a normal person. deep down he knew why, though he was in some sort of state of denial about it, and it was the same reason that he hadn’t asked for her number two weeks ago in Hungary, or at the previous race in Austria, or when he’d first met her at the start of the season. 

he breathed a sigh of relief when her reply came through, 57 minutes after he’d sent his message. well, the first one that is. the second message came two minutes after the first; god, he couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to forget to include who he was at the end of the text the first time around.

but it didn’t matter now, because she’d replied, and her words on the screen made him smile to himself, her voice in his head as he read them through three, now four times over. his fingers hovered over the keypad, contemplating a reply. he checked the time - it wouldn’t be long until she arrived at track anyway and they could chat in person, so he closed the messages app on his phone and tucked it away in his pocket, deciding against committing any words to the everlasting aether which was the iPhone messages app.

it was nearing the end of a lengthy strategy department meeting when your phone went off, a few pair of eyes glancing your way as you apologised profusely, eyes scanning over the text before sheepishly putting your phone on do not disturb and placing it back on the table face down. shit, this meeting wouldn’t be finished for another ten minutes at least, and by that time all the bacon and brie toasties would be gone (everyone knew they were the best lunch option). worse still, you hated the fact that you had to leave carlos hanging; pausing the strategy meeting to send off a quick text was equivalent to a cardinal sin, even if it was to carlos sainz. your eyes were flicking increasingly often down to the time on your laptop, the seconds crawling by as the time approached one o’clock. it felt like whichever godlike entity governed the laws of time was toying with you; surely it wasn’t possible for time to move this slowly? the head of strategy wrapped the meeting at 13:04, and you were out of your seat like a rocket.

amy, one of the strategists, fell into step beside you as you paced it down the corridor.

“you’ve heard about the brie and bacon being back on?” she asked; you only had to reply with a grin to give her the answer that she needed. she eyed you up, as much as anyone power walking down a busy corridor could whilst still maintaining maximum straight line speed.

“everyone from strategy and engineering has been in meetings. so who’s your source?” came her second question. you picked up your pace, under the guise of trying to get to the canteen quicker.

she had a habit of taking just enough time to respond to carlos’ messages to keep him guessing whether she actually would respond at all. it wasn’t entirely her fault, carlos realised; she’d apologised for earlier, explaining that she was busy driving. of course she was, how could he be such an idiot? maybe a part of him was hoping that she’d been acting coy, teasing him by waiting, purposefully trying to keep him on the edge of his seat.

carlos saw her enter the canteen, watched with a small, self satisfied smirk as her face fell, the rattan shelf where the brie and bacon toasties had been, now depressingly empty. he left it just long enough so that she was forced to consider which disappointing option to go for instead, before finally calling her over.

“Y/N!” carlos called, watching as her head whipped round, and he had to stifle a laugh at her confusion. he waved her over.

“sorry, I was stuck in a meeting.” she sighed, her voice slightly breathless. had she ran here? he fought back the urge to tease her about it, shaking his head slightly.

“don’t worry about it.” he replied, gesturing to the seat beside him as he spoke. her eyes lit up when her gaze fell on the plate on the table, in just the way he’d pictured in his head. god, he’d never get over the way the simple things pleased her, and he didn’t mean that in a bad way. over the past couple of months that he’d known her, carlos had learned that the little things really mattered, in a way that was almost rare in this environment. she looked upon a brie and bacon sandwich like it was the sun that shined, and if she’d have looked up at carlos in that moment, she’d have seen that he was looking at her in the exact same way.

“is that for me?”

“no.” carlos replied, deadpan. she shot him a look, her face screwed up in a pout that he’d grown more accustomed to the more he teased her like this. eventually he let out a soft chuckle, as a way to say I’m only joking, of course it’s for you, and she sat down in the seat next to him with a playful scowl, which only caused him to laugh more.

“thanks, carlos. you’re the best.” she told him through a mouthful of brie, bacon and toasted bread.

“I know.” he replied, a cheeky grin dancing across his face. “it was the last one as well.”

“amy’s gonna be pissed.” she giggled, glancing over her shoulder to watch as her colleague was forced to settle for regular ham and cheese.

a podium finish to p13. was it worse to fail because of your own shortcomings or because of something that was out of your control? if you’d asked carlos sainz right now, he would think about it for a moment, and then tell you to vete a la mierda.*

his phone screen lighting up in the darkness was the only thing that brought his attention to how dark it had become in his hotel room. christ, how long had he been sat there, staring at the wall, trying to process how frustrated and angry and upset he was? he’d put his phone on silent, tired of all the commiseratory messages that had been coming through, but apparently his bedtime reminder didn’t obey the laws of do not disturb. sighing, he unlocked the device, and quickly scanned down the many notifications he had been ignoring for the past few hours. one stood out above all the rest, because of course it did. he felt guilt clutch him as he noticed the message from well over an hour ago. from her.not only guilty at the fact that he’d not seen her message, but for some reason guilty for perceiving that he’d let her down at her home race. it was stupid, he knew, to feel that way - it wasn’t his fault that his tyre had blown out with just a few laps to go, but he knew how excited she’d been for her first ever british gp, and it had all ended in disappointment. his fingers hovered over the keyboard at the bottom of his phone for a moment, a million different emotions whizzing round in his head, bouncing off the sides like a demented pinball machine. no wonder he had a headache. he drew in a sharp breath before typing out his reply.

*I’m hoping this means somewhat akin to ‘fuck off’

you’d almost forgotten that you’d sent carlos sainz a message of commiseration, which was shocking considering how long you’d been deliberating over it only a mere hour ago. you were back in your own bed in your hometown, seeing no need to stick around seeing as there would be no celebrations this weekend, and carlos had disappeared as soon as the team debrief had ended, making it very clear that he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. which made it all the more surprising when you leaned over to your bedside table, bleary eyes blinking back sleep as your vision adjusted to the pitch black of your room, to pick up the phone which had woken you from your sleep.

your eyes blinked again against the harsh light of the phone, taking a moment to focus on the big bold numbers on your lockscreen. 01:03? who was texting you at this time? eyebrows knitted together in an increasingly deep frown, you scanned carlos’ message. as was becoming customary, you read it several times over, this time to check whether you’d read it right. why would he want to ring you, at this time of night as well? your mind started to reach for wild possibilities - was he in trouble? hurt? worse?

before he changed his mind, carlos hit the telephone symbol next to her contact details.

“Carlos, are you okay?” her voice came through almost immediately, sounding equal parts panicked yet somehow sleepy. shit, not only had he caused her to worry, he’d probably just woken her up in the middle of the night as well. what kind of dickhead rings a colleague that he’s only known for a few months at 1am? he cleared his throat.

“fuck, sorry, I woke you up.”

“don’t worry about it, I was awake.” she replied. a blatant lie, but carlos appreciated the attempt to make him feel better. 

“can I help you with something?” she continued, still sounding concerned. he shook his head even though she couldn’t see.

“yes, no. fuck, I don’t know.” he growled at himself for being so confused, so confusing, for not even really knowing why he’d called her. was he going insane, or did he just hear a soft sigh on the other end of the line? he squeezed his eyes shut, collecting himself to try again, but she beat him to it. 

“I’m sorry about today, carlos, it must be tough to deal with.”

sometimes it felt like she knew him better than he knew himself. he dragged a hand down his face.

“yeah, I’m- it’s not great.” he stumbled over his words slightly, his voice catching in his throat. usually he’d be reluctant to show this vulnerability, embarrassed even, but something about the late hour combined with how oh-so-soft her voice was… it made him forget his pride for just that moment. 

“I can’t stop thinking about it.” he admitted, feeling a ramble coming on but equally feeling powerless to stop it. “I know that it was a problem with the tyre, I know that it wasn’t my fault, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating. and then there’s always a part of me that wonders whether there was anything that I could’ve done. like, maybe if I’d driven less aggressively or something, or changed the way I braked around a certain corner. I still feel like I’ve let myself down, let the team down, let you dow-“

“you didn’t let me down, carlos.” her abrupt reply broke him from his monologue, stopping him in his tracks and allowing him to fill his lungs with air, not realising how out of breath he was becoming with his run-on sentences.

“what?” came his soft reply. he’d heard perfectly clearly what she’d said the first time. but a part of him needed to hear it again.

“you didn’t let me down, carlos.” she repeated, with the same clarity, the same sincerity, the same low tone that he’d never heard from her before that made her sound so wise beyond her years.

“you didn’t let anyone down. this wasn’t your fault. I know it doesn’t make it any less frustrating or easier to deal with - there’s nothing I can say that will change that. but please, please don’t blame yourself for any part of it.”

there was silence on both ends for a moment, before carlos let out a long sigh.

“I- yeah, I guess you’re right.” there was something still on his mind, something that one am carlosknew that one pm carlos would never want to talk about, least of all burden his race engineer with it. but that was all the more reason to say it now.

“I just feel so much pressure to perform, now that I have the ferrari contract.” his voice dropped even lower as he spoke, as if whispering it quietly enough could make it not be true. “I feel like I have to earn my place there, you know?”

“carlos, you were P-fucking-3.” 

something about the way she stressed the syllables made carlos chuckle despite himself, and from the way she let out a small giggle on the other end of the phone, he guessed that that had been her intention all along. 

“anyone can see that you’ve earned that seat at ferrari. you’ve proved that time and time again already. this isn’t about anyone else, this is about you, and what you believe you deserve. the only person you need to convince is yourself.”

carlos chuckled again, feeling some sort of playful nature already coming back to him. maybe he’d finally figured out why he wanted to call her in the middle of the night, maybe it was even the reason he wanted her number in the first place. maybe it was because he knew that no matter how crappy he was feeling, talking to her always seemed to turn the day around. she always seemed to make him smile.

“very inspirational.” he replied, his tone almost teasing over her ‘believing in yourself’ speech. the corners of his lips curved upwards as he could practically hear her rolling her eyes on the other end.

“this is what I get for trying to be nice.” she muttered, but her tone was light, reciprocating the teasing. carlos smiled, his first genuine smile in several hours. probably since the last time he’d seen her.

“thank you, really. talking to you it… it always puts me in a better mood.” carlos confessed, glad that this was a phone call so she couldn’t see the way his cheeks lit up a soft shade of pink.

“anytime, carlos.” 

when they eventually hung up the call, carlos felt lighter than he had in weeks, like she’d melted all his problems away with her soft voice and warm heart. he slept easy that night. meanwhile, she was now wide awake.

you groaned when the sound of your phone pinging dragged you from your admittedly tumultuous sleep. it had been difficult to drift off again after that call with carlos, a million thoughts buzzing around your brain like a swarm of bees on cocaine. you felt bad for carlos, sure, but that wasn’t enough to keep you awake on its own. there was another feeling there; if you were to flip through an oxford english dictionary until you found a word that summed it up you might settle for ‘intrigued’. 

you were intrigued that carlos that had decided to ring you of all people last night; surely he had family, or at the very least close friends, that he would rather turn to? but you were also intrigued by your own reaction - why were you feeling so warm and fuzzy that carlos had chosen you, the knowledge that when he was feeling low you were the one he wanted to hear on the other end of the line creating some sort of feeling in your heart, like someone was squeezing it not-quite-too tightly?

it was these questions, and an incessant amount of bin lorries driving past at 5am, that kept you from falling back asleep, and were the reason that you were grumbling now, as you reached over to pick up your phone. the grumbling ceased the moment you read the message and saw who it was from, replaced by a softly murmured ‘oh’, and that strange feeling in your chest again.

as always feedback and comments are welcomed with massive appreciation and open arms! a second part is written and will be out soonish! much love, Katie x

[sgiandubh]

Señorita Nothingburger

🎶When you see her, say a prayer /And kiss your heart arse goodbye 🎶

Lauren 2.0. Wow: after The Paid Companion, The Wannabe. Unlike the first round of revelations, this time the output has been totally disappointing. Very few things and zero context, which I have to say I was totally expecting, because it didn't exactly fit the agenda being pushed by Marple (amen!). Lightning never strikes the same place twice, right? And then, we had The Follow - a very interesting foolish, yet telling move: but on this, a bit further down the road, mind you.

So, let's ask ourselves along with La Ciccone: '¿Quién es esa niña?' For once, his IG follow has been very explicit:

Leading whoever to this account...

Elix Wellness is offering a very specific range of treatments, of which the one for hangovers really got me interested:

And yeah, even if I have apparently been scooped out by Marple on this one (my bad for sitting on it for a day), shamelessly using my patented methods (that is a lame joke), Lauren 2.0's LinkedIn account is, for once, very clear:

Her contract as a Travel RN was over by August 2023, as pointed out across the street:

And then she decided to go independent and open her own company. So, by far not a hooker - decent education, even, at NYU.

Lo and behold, who had Ibuprofen in his hotel room, in May 2023, when they were spotted on that NY Soho terrace, having lunch (didn't we laugh? you bet we did, it was one of my first posts in this fandom!)? S, of course. Hangovers could use both ibuprofen and a good IV cleansing treatment ( see above - such a common offering in that particular town, soon to be out of fashion - but hey: if she believes it can bring money, not my problem).

But... dating her? Not a chance in hell. You see, just a cursory survey of her IG account between the moment her contract as a Travel Registered Nurse was over and the moment her company started to be active, reveals a very busy Mediterranean summer, hitting all the possible cliches:

Before ending that contract, even, some days in Paris with her real interest, (again) checking all the tourist/romantic tropes you can imagine, from dining at the Au pied de cochon restaurant to having a quick macaron bite in the Luxembourg Gardens...

... then off to Paros, a posh island Greek destination, very much in vogue with the creative crowd, followed by (we are talking mandatory island hopping, here) Mykonos (unapologetically posh and very expensive, LGBTQ+ friendly destination - also beloved by the glam and glitz crowd)

Oh, hello Soho Roc House, part of the Soho Houses network - rings a bell? What a small world, really.

... a couple of days in Rome, followed by some quality family time (Mom and Pop, at a minimum) in Puglia, then Croatia (again, the glam crowd of Hvar island), back to Paris for a girls' trip (Montmartre, the Eiffel Tower and a couple other spots in the Marais and around the Rue de Rivoli - cliche forever):

... then back in Rome for cacio e pepe pasta, Piazza Navona and the Pantheon oculus (artsy girl, told you), followed by Positano and Capri (with Mom and Dad, again). Nothing to write home about, but still trying to sell herself as an up and coming influencer of sorts, perhaps.

Nowhere near S for the entire 2023 Sassenach Summer Tour. How is this equating with dating, that is really beyond me. Seriously. For instance, just before the second sighting, in NYC (June 10, 2023), she was having fun in the Algarve region and Lisbon (of course, Portugal). Probably posted those pics upon her return to NYC:

Dating? More like convenient pretext. He knew people would hang around that hotel (fans, autograph hunters, etc), especially during OL promo peak time. And he knew someone will take that pic, which was then conveniently placed in *urv's lap, for lengthy talks and more innuendo. Just as the first sighting was conveniently placed in Marple's inbox, to see if topic garners interest and sticks around/can be reused for further shits and giggles. Innuendo and nothing more would be my best bet: neither *urv, nor Marple had ANY positive idea about who she was, back at the time.

And now, the third drop was again placed in Marple's inbox, because attention had to be redirected to this particular gossip topic, in rather dire circumstances following Lauren 1.0.

And for your information, she does not follow S and he does not follow her. But he follows her newly opened joint: hangovers are a bitch, I know.

Why? I think it is clear enough why.

Who dunnit? I will let you draw your own conclusions, really. Again, it is rather plain to see. My belief is that this is not TPTB. And for once, I do not think he met her via Raya. Nope.

I took one for the team and listened to that podcast (if you are very foolish or brave or foolishly brave, you can do the same here: https://youtu.be/vBmcnhe2kwg?si=rRu5YCLHS3eZhuFs ). I mean, what is WRONG with those women? That is legit 14 year old bullshit talk about relationships (or the immature impossibility to have a satisfying one). They essentially explain in that podcast they have trouble decoding 'the man' in some relationships and the way they play out. I was laughing so violently my abs (or lack of them) hurt. At some point, I even thought it was some sort of sophisticated second degree, but NO (#cringe).

Also, I think I should be burning my pineapple pajama summer pants. Seriously. If you listen to the whole bullshit, you'll see there is no damn way to substantiate anything based on that. Zero connection.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Are You Sure?! - Episode 2 Observations

10/10 ☆

I can't believe I've actually procrastinated so much that it's the evening before the third episode of AYS and I still haven't written a thing about the second! And it was also the one I liked best. But when I thought about it, what to pick from it, I found it difficult because almost all their activities and moments are worthy of discussion. But at the same time, I'm not really in the mood here to dissect everything. I've seen so many good posts in the last week that I feel like I don't have anything else to say that hasn't been analyzed from every angle.

I've also started to focus more on the crime shows (the Yorkshire Ripper is now playing on my tv) because I really need to channel my attention somewhere else for the next three weeks. Which also means I can't promise whatsoever that I'll be doing a more lengthy writing about the upcoming episodes. I'm not saying no completely, but from my position right now it's not looking that much fun, but I'll keep an open mind.

Right, let me just write about whatever comes to mind and apologies for this lazy attempt.

A friend asked about the favorite moments so far and I instantly thought of the second evening Jimin and Jungkook spent at that house. Actually, it started before during their trip to the store when they decided that pasta's on the menu that night. Jungkook losing focus because of twinkies, Jimin being just a tiny bit exasperated but also clearly used to all of that.

He might have been wondering about, but that was when Jungkook became laser focused on cooking the most authentic carbonara for Jimin so he gets a gold star. No, actually let's say he gets 10 out of 10 Baby Star Candies for it.

🐥🐰

Back at the house, it is among the few moments in the show in which the staff/camera people managed the "incredible" task of not showing up in the frame, but also making the presence of the camera somehow even more visible than in other situations because of this specific context. I'll explain. (I find the BH staff extremely incompetent from a skill perspective and I do admit that what I might choose to interpret as formal choices might as well be nothing. But I'm working with images here and what is ultimately presented).

During their stay at the house, there was this illusion created that they indeed might be alone there in the kitchen, cooking together and then having drinks. And despite knowing that they had go pros and cameras positioned around the house, there was a third element there. One that in some shots, it created this illusion of complete intimacy, as if there was this move from variety content in the form of reality tv style, to something that suddently almost looked like a film sequence. A couple and their routine.

It was also the part that made me feel like a voyeur for the first time, which is something that I've encountered before with Jikook. This time, it was due to a very particular shot and framing.

We as an audience, are positioned intently to look at them through the window. We're allowed to take a peak at what's happening inside that kitchen. We are made to feel part of the environment when we see the shots from inside the house, from the cameras set up to catch multiple angles and the cameras used by jikook themselves. They are making their audience part of it.

But then, for a few seconds, we are pulled back, literally outside looking in. Is this just a way to have a diversity in the shots used at editing? Most likely. But editing always tells a story, whether there's intent or not. It can tell the story the editor/director wants, but it can also tell a story that the viewer ends up picking upon and analyze.

I see that shot as a reminder of my position as an outsider to their story. A reminder that by standing outside, looking in, we are missing so many things that are out of frame. A reminder that perhaps we should not act as the all-knowing fans, as if we have a crystal ball. Or more than that, to judge and micro-analyze every gesture and every word in order to deconstruct something, more often than not in order to dispute even the level of friendship/closeness.

We have always seen a relationship between these two people through mediated sources. That involve editing. That also involves omissions and white lies even in unedited livestreams. That situation should make us think more and to actually understand that there's an actual, more complex life shared there. We see glimpses of it, from gestures, tones, touches and they paint a particular picture, but that shouldn't turn into a way in which we have to look for more proof either in order to confirm suspicions or what has become more clear lately, proof to disprove everything there is to them.

And isn't that a waste of energy? When we could witness such a lovely evening that perhaps only cemented even more that caring for one another has so many forms. And that being vocal about the appreciation for another is so important to be verbalized. It shows people that they are loved (I think Jimin said it to Jungkook many years ago during a game they had when Jungkook had to prank Jimin by complimenting him. Jungkook now doesn't need excuses anymore).

[pigeon-paperweight]

My Kaku Good Guy Rant (help this is consuming my life) (this is very long)

(Spoilers for Water 7 and Egghead, obviously! I'll try and keep this in chronological order. I will mainly be using the manga for examples. This is gonna be lengthy, and ranty, and hyper-analyze...y. I will be using punctuation in this post for the sake of myself and everyone else.)

Let me start this off by saying: Is this the face of a man who hates his life?

Call me crazy (sarcasm), but I don't think so.

Kaku, though he is a Cipher Pol agent, is leagues away from any of the other Cipher Pol agents we've seen to date. The way he acts, the way he speaks, the way he treats others -- it all gets on my nerves because it makes me think he isn't so bad. But we've seen his actions! We've seen some of the things he's done and the bad people he is associated with! He's an evil person!

...Or is he?

Characters can do bad things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad people, because things aren't always just black and white like that.

We know that Cipher Pol agents are taken in as children, and they are raised through the eyes of the government. They -- as messed up as some of these poor kids seem -- are conditioned to think in a way where the bad deeds they do are deemed 'right', just because they do so for the sake of 'justice'. They don't particularly know that what they're doing is wrong.

Part One: Water 7

When we see CP9 act during water 7, I've noticed that Kaku specifically was less involved in the brutal beatings of Iceberg and Paulie inside of the Galley-la mansion. He seems to stand to the side and let Lucci do the dirty work, along with all the talking.

At the end of chapter 344, Opposing Force, Paulie is seen bleeding with the blueprints in his hand. We don't see who beats him up, but it can be assumed that it was Lucci, due to him being closer to Paulie. Lucci is also the first to grab the blueprints from him. Kaku stands still in the background.

However, they could have both been fighting him, as Lucci says "Your resistance against us is futile..." although again, Lucci seems to talk for the both of them, as Kaku doesn't say a word up until Paulie reveals that the blueprints are fake. Even then, after that, Lucci still does the brunt of the talking.

In my opinion, it's highly unlikely that Kaku would beat up Paulie, because as far as I've seen, Kaku doesn't lay a hand on either him or Iceberg, aside from gently checking Iceberg's pulse.

What makes me think this? Well in chapter 345, Luffy, in casual Luffy fashion, busts in just as Paulie succumbs to the beating, to which Kaku attempts to catch Luffy with his Tempest Kick. Luffy dodges at the last second, but is apprehended by Lucci as he is stuck to the floor using metal prongs to hold him down.

Lucci then yells at Kaku to restrain Paulie, because this was "no time to be fighting (Paulie is nearly K.O'd and bleeding out on the floor)", and Kaku does this:

Notice those little lines next to his head? He's surprised.

Now, he could be surprised due to not thinking about restraining Paulie since he's literally already been defeated, but Lucci knows that Paulie could become a bigger problem if he got back up, especially with Luffy there with him. I picture Kaku as a bit of an extension to Lucci, and since they're both very smart, Kaku would know this too, wouldn't he?

Paulie could get up and free Luffy, or better yet free him and team up with Luffy to 'beat' the both of them. Kaku already knows that Paulie isn't dead, because Paulie's still conscious right in front of him, so why is he so obviously surprised at Lucci's order? Why was it so important to draw those little lines next to him?

Perhaps he was surprised because he was worried Lucci would tell him to restrain Paulie, and he was hoping he wouldn't have to.

Another reason for these little lines could be that Kaku could have been zoned-out, maybe having some heavy thoughts (regret, guilt, or some sort of existential crisis), and Lucci snapped him out of it by getting his attention.

Backtracking just a bit, back to chapter 344, right when Paulie reveals that the blueprints were fake, Lucci and Kaku understandably share a moment of shock.

Kaku, more so speaking to himself rather than anyone else (as he trails off at the end of the sentence), says: "What an idiotic thing to..."

This doesn't have to mean anything, as Paulie could be seen as both smart and an idiot for revealing this in front of them, however I like to think deeper into it, of course.

Kaku could have been calling this action idiotic due to the fact that he knew they would've had to kill Paulie afterwards, and that Paulie likely knew this too, and was just revealing this out of spite and to witness their surprise before he died.

Kaku's words seem a little out of place here. Lucci, of course, just goes straight into 'let's kill this guy 'cause he got on my nerves' mode, but Kaku's response isn't what I would expect. When I read this for the first time, not knowing that these two were in fact Kaku and Lucci, this just stuck out to me (it still sticks out to me, even now), and I can't exactly put into words why.

Again, this makes me think: "Why add this? Why is this so important?"

If they weren't so rudely interrupted by Luffy, Lucci probably would have finished the job and killed Paulie right then and there because Kaku was still standing around not doing anything and just adding random commentary.

One more thing from this chapter, then it's onward and upward from here! We'll get to the Zoro fight and Egghead soon enough!

When Luffy bursts in awkwardly through the wall, interrupting this uncomfortable encounter between the three of them, I stated earlier that Kaku tries to hit him with a Tempest Kick. Right before this, though, Kaku has a moment of hesitation before attacking Luffy.

Of course, as I've said, this can have little to no meaning.

But, can it mean something? Yes!

This little panel of hesitation could be a wave of guilt washing over Kaku, as he knows Luffy and the Strawhats weren't involved in the attempted assassination of Iceberg like CP9 made them out to be. He knows the Strawhats are good people, but he's just following orders. He's aware of the situation they've stuck Luffy with. This bit of hesitation could be him just further instating to himself that this is what needs to be done to get these blueprints.

When Kaku reveals himself to be one of the government assassins, he replies to Iceberg's disbelief with: "You're the one in the wrong. None of this would have happened if you'd handed them over to the government when it asked nicely."

That's rather depressing, combined with the expression on his face.

What is "none of this"? What does that mean? Almost killing Iceberg? Beating up your friends?

His sad expression is pushing me to think that there are more layers to this than just causing harm to Iceberg/Paulie/others.

Why would he need to justify that Iceberg was in the wrong? They were doing this for that sweet sense of justice, after all!

Perhaps the "none of this" really does mean this entire mission, as the whole reason CP9 was sent to Water 7 was to retrieve the blueprints from Iceberg. If "none of this" happened, Kaku would have never been sent to Water 7 in the first place. Makes you think about why he looks so sad, huh? He would have never gotten those five years of bliss.

Remember, Kaku was only 18 when he started the mission at Water 7. That is wild to think about, if you put yourself in his shoes. You aren't even fully developed yet, especially your brain by that time!

If you wanna dive even deeper into this, just think -- all of the other CP9 members are older than Kaku. Granted, Kalifa only has 2 years on him, but they weren't super close during Water 7, so disregard her for now. Lucci was 23 at the start of the Water 7 mission, for more reference of their age differences.

Lulu is 8 years older than Kaku, and Tilestone is 10 years older.

Paulie, however, is only one year older than Kaku. Paulie is his peer. His close friend.

I'm not saying that any of the other shipwrights weren't his friends, Tilestone and Lulu's behavior alone disproves that, however having friends -- especially when you're a teenager -- that are among the same age group as you is important, so it's a little easier to infer that Kaku has an attachment to Paulie, which could be a reason as to why Kaku isn't seen fighting him -- he grew up with him in those five years 'away' from CP9.

After it is revealed that the masked assassins were, in fact, Lucci, Kaku, Kalifa, and Blueno, Kaku is asked to check Iceberg's pulse to see if they can guess the whereabouts of the real Pluton blueprints. We can assume, that from this action, Kaku still respects Iceberg, as all of the other CP9 members have been treating Iceberg like a damn doormat.

Very polite. Just wanted to add this quick one in.

Then -- this is important -- shortly after that, we get this:

Mhm.

To me, here, Kaku is being genuine when he says this. The other members can say that they "don't have anything against Iceberg", but I believe Kaku is the only one who really doesn't have anything against him. He really is thankful for the opportunities Iceberg gave him during his time on Water 7.

Through his actions, Kaku is very obviously genuine, no matter how much someone wants to say he's not. Lucci + Co. beat Iceberg senseless, while Kaku, who could have very easily joined in with the other members, did not. He respected Iceberg down to the very last moment with him, much like I feel he did with Paulie, too.

The next few examples are going to be small, with little bits of my thoughts, because trust me, I really want to get to Egghead.

These examples are throughout the next couple of chapters.

Kaku's face, along with the bubble of an ellipsis at the sight of Paulie. Ouch.

Why does he look so disturbed from the action of hitting Zoro with his Finger Pistol? I'll say it again -- guilt?

Just wanted to add this in because it makes me sad. "Honing their skills to serve the government" is all they're good for, and they all know it.

Alright! That wraps this part up, now we're going to quickly touch on Enies Lobby and Kaku's fight with Zoro, because, honestly, not much needs to be said about the latter half.

Don't worry, the next parts will be shorter.

Part Two: Enies Lobby

I'm adding this section in after I've already finished the Water 7 part, and LET ME TELL YOU: I am currently high on 1 a.m. exhaustion-induced goofiness, and I literally had a dream about finishing this post last night so I'm WORKING ON IT NOW!! NOW!!!!

So please, if you could, excuse me. Me as a whole. Excuse everything.

ALRIGHT LET'S DIG INTO THIS!!!

So, like I mentioned just above the header for this section, I don't want to go too deep into this part, mostly because in my eyes the evidence speaks for itself (especially for the fight with Zoro) however I will go a little bit into some other parts that I find interesting.

EXHIBIT ONE!!! - 'Co-workers pressure you to eat mystery items? Hell yes!'

A bit unrelated, but I just wanted to say how I thought it was a bit funny how Kaku and Kalifa get peer pressured into eating their devil fruits, despite Kaku showing obvious disinterest, and can we talk about their reactions when handed the fruits??

You cannot convince me that they wanted to eat those. Kalifa is struggling. But of course, Lucci comes in with the "It'll be fun", so they just decided 'yep we're doing this i guess'. Was it really that fun, though? Everyone got their ass kicked two times over in the end, so did it really matter?

You poor souls.

Moral of the story, if someone tells you 'eat this thing I'm giving you because it will be fun' -- don't.

Exhibit TWO!!! - 'Crackhead Franky burns the blueprints'

These panels just make me feel some type of way. Of course, Kaku (as the other CP9 members are) is very upset that his five years of work just got burned up into dust in front of him, but it also means that it was ALL FOR NOTHING. Everything was for nothing.

Coming to Water 7, getting the job, liking the job, participating in your interest, making friends, having a good boss and then turning around and ruining it all for the sake of some papers (that you've already been faked out of once, mind you) that just disintegrated and basically never had any meaning in the first place, because 'how the hell are we getting those back, oh yeah, we can't', is what would be going through my mind.

I mean, karma is a bitch, but damn. Also -- are ellipses just Kaku's thing? I'm noticing a pattern here.

Exhibit TROIS! ahem.. Three. - 'Zoro's sword is moaning'

Now we'll get into the stuff with Zoro -- BUT ONLY QUICKLY BECAUSE I'M GETTING TO EGGHEAD, DAMMIT!!

When confronted by Zoro, Kaku stated that Zoro's 'Will you hand Robin's handcuff key over before I kill you?' was a foolish question, followed by another damn ellipsis! What is it with him and those??

Anyways, why is this a foolish question to him? Well, it could go both ways -- Kaku would kill Zoro before he could get the key, or Zoro would kill Kaku before he could give up the key. The first way was probably intended from Kaku's perspective... or was it? Kaku knows Zoro is strong, as he says literally in the same panel that he wished he could see what Zoro was capable of.

Based on Kaku's reaction to Zoro defeating him (which we'll get to in just a moment), I believe he was anticipating his own defeat by Zoro's hand.

Fighting Zoro was almost like a game to Kaku, as he said (during the lighter half of their fight) that this was fun, and the only way for the fun to stop was if Zoro beat him. This was fun for him to the very end of it. That's pretty sad, and I feel like Kaku was excited to have someone like Zoro fighting him, especially with them both being swordsman, as he seemed to really enjoy their fights.

Now for the finale!!

^^ This is right after Zoro informs Kaku that he's fired, rubbing salt into Kaku's many metaphorical and physical wounds. vv

Why did Zoro feel the need to say this? Did Zoro want Kaku to feel bad about what he did? Because usually, foes don't get the time to talk with the person that just beat their ass, because they get knocked out/killed before anything else happens. Did Zoro hit him just hard enough to delay him losing consciousness, just so he could rub it in (and so this would be Kaku's last thought before passing out) that Paulie was upset with him?

Why would Zoro do this? Kaku is an enemy, and at this point in time Zoro didn't know Kaku was going to willingly give him his key (as in he thought he was going to have to take it off Kaku after he was unconscious), so why the hell did he not just knock him out right then and there and get the key? Zoro is pressed for time, because he needs to bring that key to Robin -- so why do this?

Perhaps Zoro is aware that there is more to Kaku than just being a backstabbing government assassin, and that he could have possibly still had a conscience at that time so he just really wanted to rub it in his face that Paulie directly fired him -- because he knew it would hurt.

"You guys... are fired."

'Paulie said that? Oh... what a mess' Kaku says as if he wasn't expecting that? Excuse me, sir?

Sure, okay, maybe he hadn't had the time to think about Paulie and all them dudes with all the shit he'd been dealing with, but honestly, what was he expecting? That Paulie wouldn't say that?

Of course not. Those words just had a lot of weight coming from Paulie, let's be real here. He knew that he was fired. He knew this whole thing would end up with him being fired eventually, so why is he so sad at the fact that Paulie fired him?

This, along with the "assassins can never find other work" leads me to think he knows he's done for. He will be stuck as an assassin until he dies, and that's just how it's going to be. I'm wondering, was he expecting to die here?

I'm curious -- who was it that told him that assassins couldn't find other work? Who is 'they'? Was it you, Kaku? Is he telling himself that?

Or was it someone like Lucci, who wanted to drill into his head that this is what he was 'meant' to do, and there was no going back for him, as if he can't ever redeem himself (praying on this y'all, please Oda PLEASE), just because Lucci wants Kaku on his side to be his partner in crime. Stupid Lucci. I hate that guy.

The next picture will be a little more focused on Zoro's reaction to Kaku rather than Kaku himself.

Again, here we go with those damn ellipses. They are starting to paint a better picture of how complex this could actually get, though, so I won't dog on them anymore.

Let's actually talk about that for a second -- the Oxford Dictionary defines an ellipsis as "the omission from speech or writing of a word or words that are superfluous or able to be understood from contextual clues", and from a couple different sources ellipses in comics can be seen as "there is more to be said here, but you can figure it out because why not" or a character is thinking about something.

What is Zoro thinking about here? What's making him just stare at Kaku while he gets his key for him? Well, maybe Zoro wasn't expecting Kaku to just give him the key, so he's just... watching. Kaku is also laughing (at Zoro's zoo joke, for context), and if I was in his situation I very much wouldn't be, so that can be a bit confusing for Zoro as he might wonder why Kaku is being such a good sport.

This good sportsmanship displayed by Kaku could be giving Zoro a reason to believe in Kaku's complexity and ambiguity, along with Kaku giving him the key right before he passes out. Kaku really felt the need to give Zoro his key because he had earned it, yet Kaku wasn't killed to obtain it -- so this was Kaku's way of surrendering, and that is another reason why I think he was expecting this to be the end of the road.

Bonus to that:

Okay!! I'm done I'm done I'm done!!!!!!!!!!~ I talked a little more than I wanted to but that's okay because were onto EGGHEAD!!! WOO HOO!!!!

Part Three: Egghead

Reminder: MANGA Egghead -- ahead of the anime.

This part is going to be a bit unhinged because as I'm writing this Egghead JUST finished up (who's excited for Elbaf???? WOOP!!) and I have some STRONG feelings.

OK OK OK LET'S GET INTOOO ITTT!!

So Egghead starts and... and.. w-.. wait.

He's sitting on top of poor Sentomaru's battered body. This... this looks familiar.

Oh, that's why. That's weird. What a weird detail. Is this going to happen more in the future? Is this one of Kaku's weird things he does, just because?

Sidetracked, sorry. Anyway-

I'm going to start this off by saying that Lucci has definitely been getting on Kaku's nerves throughout the entirety of Egghead. Honestly, I understand. If I'd have to deal with stupid Lucci for as long as Kaku has I'd be pissed at him too.

It's okay, Kaku. You can kick his ass, I won't say anything.

But my point in bringing this up is that these little moments of Kaku being upset or annoyed with Lucci are building up to something much bigger. Kaku cannot catch a break, and in most of the scenes they're together in he's fed up with Lucci in some way.

Now let's talk about Kaku and Stussy.

He can say they aren't friends all he wants, but I beg to differ. We haven't necessarily seen a whole lot of CP0's interactions with each other outside of carrying out their missions, but there is an obvious connection between these two that I've grown fond of.

Kaku contemplating Stussy's 'Who do I live for?' is interesting -- he doesn't speak on this out loud, but clearly he's got something brewing in the ol' noggin.

This whole page is just wonderful. Also, I think that is the best face I have seen Kaku make. There's a lot to get into here.

So... I absolutely love that Stussy wanted to free Kaku, but what the hell does she mean by 'I know the first thing he'll do if he's released'?? Genuine question. I might have accidentally skimmed over something, because I'll admit I read egghead pretty fast (though I'm thinking about reading all of it a second time because there was just so much happening all at the same time that it got a little crazy) but I don't remember seeing anything else about what she thought Kaku was going to do.

Kaku was obviously not expecting Stussy to do this, as she was pretty much made their enemy because of her betrayal, but Edison's 'I'm sorry for making you betray that friendship' just makes me want to... like.. idk. Edison knew that Stussy and Kaku were good friends, which makes me think that Stussy has possibly talked about Kaku before to the Vegapunks?

I haven't really had a whole lot of time to think about this stuff so everything I say here I'm coming up with as I'm typing it -- it's more speculatory than the other sections.

I think Stussy asking to free Kaku is another case of rubbing salt into Kaku's wounds, albeit more indirect. Stussy cares about him, obviously, but I think what Edison said makes Kaku just do a reflection of his entire life.

Stussy betrayed Kaku, yet she still shows compassion for him because they were friends.

Kaku betrayed Paulie, but completely does the opposite of Stussy. He just completely cuts him off. Paulie and Kaku were friends. Stussy and Kaku are friends.

Despite being his 'enemy', Stussy wants the best for Kaku and tries to help him as best as she could.

This, I believe, makes Kaku do a 180. This situation with Stussy is what could have happened on Water 7 with Paulie, because if you guys remember, Paulie said he felt that Kaku and Lucci were still his friends, even after he'd witnessed CP9 beating up Iceberg.

That is why I think he looks so distressed after Edison apologizes for Stussy's betrayal to him, because he's betrayed his own friends multiple times now, and he's fully realized this isn't all that different from Water 7.

It sure does hurt to be the one betrayed, doesn't it? Now he knows how his buddies on Water 7 felt.

I also want to talk about Edison saying that Stussy's 'inner conflict is a calling card of humanity' (talking about having to choose between being on Kaku's side or being with the Vegapunks), and how Kaku has a little wobbly bubble with an ellipsis.

Has Kaku realized that having humanity might not be so bad? Cipher Pol agents, I'm assuming, aren't really supposed to have this concept of humanity, because they're supposed to be these almost superhuman monsters.

Or has he realized that he isn't like the other Cipher Pol agents, as he secretly does have a sense of humanity that he shoves down for the sake of being in CP0? If Lucci ever found out that Kaku really did have a sense of humanity he would probably deem him useless. However...

Lucci (for the first time ever, wow) shows compassion towards Kaku, being worried that Kaku would be killed in the midst of the chaos that was Egghead.

I always perceived Lucci to be the type to leave behind the wounded, as they weren't of use to him anymore, but he goes out of his way to ask Mars to spare Kaku, which was honestly very surprising. Maybe Lucci still has a speck of humanity in him. Perhaps there is hope.

You're seriously going to tell me that they aren't friends when they're both crying??

Also... do you know that one scene from Air Bud?? This scene between Kaku and Stussy reminded me of that the first time I read this chapter, lol.

Kaku is worried for Stussy's safety, as he knows that if Lucci finds her, he will kill her. And again with this -- what is Kaku going to do next?? I want to know, God dammit, JUST TELL ME!!

Is Kaku going to defy Lucci? Is he going to run away? TELL MEEEE!!

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!~~~

So Stussy is apparently dead, which, okay, when did that happen, and also, absolutely not, but why does Kaku look like he's seriously about to just unleash his rage on Lucci? Do it, please DO IT!! BEAT HIS ASS PLEASE. I HATE HIM SO. MUCH.

But the fact that he's resorted to talking in ellipses again with his face shaded, a huge frown and clenched fists is making me think that this is a breaking point for him. He's just so over Lucci and I would be too. Run, run for the hills Kaku!!!

Kaku's ellipsis bubble is also a teeny bit wobbly, and if you've ever read a comic you've probably noticed that the shape of the bubble pertains to the character's state, whether that be physical or mental, and their speech. But since he isn't talking, his wobbly bubble could mean (and I'm saying could because a lot of the bubbles in Egghead are misshapen, so take this with a grain of salt, this is just what I like to think) that his mental state is, well, not great.

So with a (presumably) dead friend, a long time of growing exasperation towards Lucci, and an already unstable mental state, I really hope Kaku can realize that a line has been crossed, so it's his turn to act.

So now, it's time for the conclusion.

Basically, I just want Kaku to be a good guy. He's so complex and I already like him so much as a character, and I would like him even more if he jumped to the other side. I feel that he's already halfway there. I hope that there might be some sort of redemption in store for Kaku and I will scream if it comes true. You might not think so, but I can dream!!

Anyways, that's my two cents! Or rather... my fifty cents.. or my dollar. That was a lot. Thanks so much for reading!