#A and I were apart for 6 days
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has 411 employees.
Text
.
#A and I were apart for 6 days#and I came back today#I met up with her family because her sibling was having their band’s first public performance#big deal#A’s best friend is also there#I hang with her cousin and she hangs with her friend#no biggie I’m really close with the family this isn’t unusual#except A keeps looking back at where I’m sitting in the bar#this IS unusual#then she invites me to dinner#I show up expecting her friend and some of the others that came to be there#NOPE#just me and the immediate family#and she is sitting so unnecessarily close to me all through dinner#at one point we broke off from the main conversation#and we’re doing this yeah huh huh thing we do#and when it finished#the entire family was staring#and A broke the tension by going back to whatever had been the topic before#but I felt suddenly like we’d done something too close to be normal#then when we left she kept her hand on my back the entire way to the parking lot#and went back to uncontrollably smiling#it felt like it did right before Christmas on her couch when I thought she was going to kiss me
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yeah... I remember seeing the architectural design majors at my uni having this breakdown each semester...
#love in the air#lita#rain#scriptwriting was the only course within my major famous for making people openly cry#because the professor would eviscerate you with her feedback#not to be mean; but she would look at the feedback you'd already been given by your classmates over and over throughout the course#and if you still hadn't fixed issues she'd really stab into them and rip you apart#she liked me though- i followed the syllabus due dates and no one else did#meaning day 1 i already had a treatment ready by the first class#and even though she told me the syllabus schedule didn't need to be followed; i chose to follow it#because it kept me a week ahead or so#So when I finished each 200+ page draft of my script I was finishing it a week early#which let me focus on other exams in other classes and manage my workload more easily#the only time scriptwriting made me cry was when i spent 6 hours typing draft 6 of a 214 page feature and my computer crashed#erased the whole thing#i'd been typing up the script based on hand notes i'd written on my previous draft so it was easy to recreate#but redoing it took 8 hours since my hands were so tired#but that wasn't the classes fault; that was my fault#i did really well in the class; you just can't take feedback personally and a lot of writers really struggle with that#i've lost so many friends because they claim to be writers who take feedback seriously#and then it turns out they're little bitches about it and throw tantrums after begging me to give them feedback#so now I will not give a friend feedback on anything they write#for the record- the way i was trained is not to be cruel or mean#you literally just go through it like 'here is what I had issues with as a viewer and here are some ideas on how to easily fix that'#always offer a solution#and for every complaint you have to give a complementt#so i'm not out there like gordon ramsey ripping into people; it's very gentle and kind#except when i gave M her round 6 feedback on her script and she STILL insisted Mt Everest was 3 billion years old in her story#AT EVERY STAGE OF THIS SCRIPT I REMINDED YOU IT IS AROUND 30 MILLION YEARS OLD GET IT THROUGH YOUR-
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
in case anyone was wondering I'm still terrible at math
49 - 12 is not 35
you'd think I would know this, because 7 + 2 = 9
but no, no I did not
in a similar vein of thought, if two siblings are born 8 years apart one of them cannot possibly be 35 while the other is 31. that's not-- 1 + 8 = 9, not 5
the same logic applies if the same siblings are born 6 years apart!
I did not notice either of these errors in my timeline spreadsheet of herald related things for at least six months
#wip: herald at dawn#sometimes#i am a very silly fool#though I suppose#in two different time zones#on new years eve/day#if the older sibling was born on december 31 and in a further behind timezone#and the younger was born on january 1 and in the ahead timezone#and they were 6 years apart#it would be possible#but thats not applicable here the older one was born in july and the younger on december 1st#c: amelia gates#c: alexandrina mclelland
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
it just set in for me that i start community college this upcoming monday literally less than a week from now and i want. to throw up
#its a combo of omg holy shit my life is progressing im healing im reforming into a human being im a real boy#and ✨academic trauma✨ reflecting on my life now vs the last 6 years and the last time i was in school#and im not handling it well. maybe i am a little cuz so far i have held back the tears but i dont think thats an acceptable bar#the tears are certainly there. and i most certainly feel like losing the little ive eaten today#ive also started seriously considering if it would be more or less strategic to skip cr today in favor of playing smth with a friend#i was like dang its important to take the time when we're both free#but also cr uploads on mondays and ive reignited my interest in watching live and i dont trust myself to fight the vod impulse on that day#i want things to be different and i want to do good and i want to feel all the progress ive made in action#so if she is available today im gonna be honest and say sorry i cant play this thing we were both excited about bc ive got a 4 hour#nerd show tonight. and im gonna feel really shitty about it.#feels shitty and stupid to choose a piece of media thatll always be there over quality friend time#but i know if i dont get this shit thats always gonna be there over with NOW itll be really hard to put off later#hhhhhhh#im a mess dude ima finish the video i was watching before i started having a crisis and then im gonna take a bath#and then maybe stardew valley. it is the game for when life is falling apart and i just deep cleaned my desk itll be so nice
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
the most devastating shit on earth is that i had a friend in middle school who was like my ride or die. but her only "social media" was Google Fucking Plus. so naturally i have lost her in the wastelands of that shitstorm. but i cannot find her ever again bc she has like The most common name on god's green earth so one facebook search for people with her name in the bronx yields like a million fucking results. so imagine if she's not even in the bronx anymore. 10 million results
#and if by some will from god she's out there wondering about me occasionally too She'd also be shit out of luck#bc my first name is different now. not even close to my birthname. and my last name is a nightmare#i didn't learn how to spell that shit until i was 6 and only so soon bc my mother set aside time to teach me specifically how to spell it#like it was its own school lesson. How to spell my own last name. so i'm not going to imagine someone could ever just Remember That#a decade down the fucking line#but i miss her often. she showed me inuyasha for the first time before rodan even did#we had the most awkward innocent scared quivering animal type lesbianism happening.#i would walk her home even though it meant making my 10 minute walk home into like 45 minutes#she lived in one of the projects and she snuck me in her apartment a few times when her dad wasn't home. that's when we watched inuyasha#one of my ''gifts'' i remember so specifically when we had decided we were dating is. i gave her. a tiny bag of chips.#blinks for a long time at you. i got her A Bag Of Chips.#💀😭 She should've killed me where i stood........#we once kissed because someone said they'd give us 20 dollars for it. We did not get the 20 dollars.#i was mad bc i wanted to split it with her and get snackies at the deli after school together or something. kills my elf#WAAAH i miss her. i miss da bronx too. one day i'm gonna drag rodan downstate to see it all#i want to take him to the bronx zoo and the botanical gardens. but also i just checked and nearly scumpt at the prices#37 DOLLARS..... 💀⁉️ i remember. (said oldly) i remember when it was. SEVEN DOLLARS!!!#whstever fucking happened to wednesdays you get in free. huh#i'm too scared to even look at the gardens now bc Nearly 40 tickets a person. oh My God. vomitworthy#wait oh my god what do thebuses and subway cost now. oh no oh no oh no#okay it's okay. it's a 40 cent difference. idr what a metrocard used to cost so it means nothing that it's a dollar now#but also Why the fuck do the express buses cost SEVEN DOLLARS.... 😭 brother bring that shit back down to five NEOW!!!#it's not even double the standard fare anymore. even if i round up the standard fare That's More Than Double. what#i hate inflation i hate inflation i hate#i'm rambling. walks away fast And my ass
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
So maybe running a 10k on an almost empty stomach after the very intense day I had yesterday wasn't the brigthest idea I've ever had 🥴
#I legit almost fainted after I climbed the 6 stairs back up to my apartment#my ears were ringing and my vision got spotty#my body was like FOOOOOOD. NOW PLEASE.#I didn't skip breakfast or anything to accidentally made too little oatmeal lol#I was like I'll be fine#*narrator's voice*: she was not fine#anyway I'm fine now but I think I'm gonna lie on the couch for the rest of the day lol#minnie talks
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS
#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for#i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most#friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously#aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think#abt him i think about THAT so.#anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common#and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol#like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs#anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job#and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster#but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it#and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him?#and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO#and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him#but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was.#afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT.#like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear?#i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years#because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing#idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know.#i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷♀️ who knows
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yknow guys. I have my moments but honestly I’m really glad to be alive and get to experience this beautiful world... like the birds outside my window or my beloved beast bella (there is an animal!!! In my house!!! And she LOVES me!!!) and getting to see my best friend and watching tv and movies together and engaging with media and taking long car rides. Life is so beautiful and I’m so glad I never forget it too long. Every little thing that makes you feel joy is a reason to be on this earth, so cherish every last one, because you deserve it. You deserve to feel how beautiful the world can be. Even if it sucks dick sometimes. Sometimes everything sucks and then you see a cardinal out the window competing with another for a female and everything’s okay again. Theres joy in every day, so please go out there and feel it as hard as you can, embrace everything that makes you happy. Live. We deserve it.
#lion’s lair#me#I. Idk I’m just. Looking forward to another day of seeing my best friend#And the world. And tv. And eating food#positive#tw from this point forward in the tags#I just.#okay so as kids me and my cousin always shared a birthday. Because it’s like 6-7 days apart right and we were best friends#And I loved that. We liked the same things so it was never a problem#As we got older his parents got jealous of the fact he liked staying with our grandparents more and stopped letting him come much#So every birthday was a spectacular treat. That and thanksgiving. Because he’d be there#Then in like 2017 his mom fucking died. Suicide. And he started staying with us a lot again#I almost called him my brother opening this part of the post. Because he is. To me#Just a year older than me#But again his dad heard how much he preferred us to him and stopped letting him come around. Even on the holidays#The last day I saw him was halloween. 2018. Also the last time I saw my non-relative bestfriend at the time#And I can’t even remember if I gave him a hug goodbye. I hope I did.#He died in January the next year after his dad threatened to take away his job. His like last refuge#A lot more fucked up shit happened to him I won’t divulge but. That man made him miserable.#That man killed him. Even if he didn’t use his hands#And I miss him so much. Every day but it hurts so much around my birthday#And every year I’m so scared to age and feel so bad because I’m getting older and. He’s not#He’ll never get any older because he’s dead. Hell never see any more marvel movies or shitty b movies. Never play red dead 2 again#He doesn’t get to have those little joys in life anymore. And it makes me so fucking sad#So please please please just always remember the little joys. The birds out the window and the things and people you love#Because there’s a lot of fucking hate in this world. But there’s so much goddamn love in it too#And wonder and whimsy and things worth living for. Even when life sucks every day. There’s always something. So please stick it through#I’m so glad I’ve stuck it through. I never thought I’d make it to be an adult when I was younger let alone 20#I miss you.#Happy birthday brother. You should be here.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing that bothers me is when you tell people you’re a fan of eurovision and they just shit on it to you immediately. like if someone told you they had any hobby, like they follow F1 or they like knitting or they go climbing or they’re a big fan of jazz music or whatever else, no one would just instantly shit on it to that person knowing that they enjoy it and it brings them joy. so why do people constantly do this to me?? i’m really tired of awkwardly laughing and going haha yeah. next time i’m just going to ask them what they’re into and tell them it’s stupid too and they’re an idiot for enjoying it.
#this post comes off so dramatic but honestly this is so annoying#had a conversation with a ‘friend’ or i should say someone i knew a few years ago and i hadn’t seen in ages#he immediately said ‘i don’t believe anyone watches eurovision unironically’ while he’s talking to someone he knows is a esc fan#like firstly 180 million people watched last year they can’t all be watching it as a joke lol#and secondly i get it if it’s not your thing but it doesn’t cost anything to be nice or just switch the subject#this with many other things is just making me feel completely out of touch with like 90% of people now#yesterday i was on a really packed bus and there was a group of like 5 or 6 teenagers and none of them sat on seats next to each other#so when the bus got packed they were all sat next to strangers instead of their friends#which is so bizarre but i don’t know what’s cool anymore i guess#completely unrelated but yeah so much stuff is anti social and just miserable these days or at least i notice it more now#and btw i’m not someone who brings up esc constantly i honestly don’t talk to anyone irl about it apart from my sister and mum
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
yall my ex is so lucky we're not together now that I'm off my meds for like. not even the reason that makes sense.
#oooooh i have no appetite now that I'm not on multiple meds with weight gain as a side effect#surely that aspect of my being is evil of me#pretty sure my unmedicated bipolar disorder would just be like fun for him bc im not always depressed anymore#not to be like crazy or whatever but the fact that while i was taking meds and working on my relationship w food they were like. bitter?#like demonized me both having problems with food and seeking help for them#&viewed my being on medication as exceptionally privileged which like. i wish i was on them again i get it but also getting that 'privilege'#required 1) my own fucking money i got from having a job something they didnt get until we broke up and i was like#im not paying off our apartment alone so either you or your parents owe me money every month#and 2) getting hospitalized after an attempt#because i had the privilege of being on twice the max dose of an antidepressant that didnt help me#like. ugh yes it was a privilege and one that i miss having but it also sucked getting there it wasnt like#idk the way they framed it was always like i was offered the fucking luck of the draw on it or whatever#like sorry? remember when i was on so much lexapro i went into a dissociative fugue and started dating you lol fuck off#because i actually genuinely dont remember like 6 or 7 months because of that shit!#i actually ended up hospitalized from it and all i remember hearing about it was that you were sad bc you felt you werent enough to stop it#like it had fucking anything to do with you#like wish them all the best but damn. actually they sucked very very badly. i hope they figure it out one day but probably not#ik theyre on antidepressants now so yknow. im sure theyll forget being medicated means theyre privileged now#becomes normal once its them or some shit
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
i don’t know if this is going to be a positive thing to hear or what but i am obsessed with your worlds worst target odyssey and i hope you continue sharing its all insane and incredible. have a good day and stuff
well see the thing is i quit like 4 months ago. so there’s not really anything new to share and there won’t be until i move back to california and pay that beast a visit to see if it’s still standing. but it’s all tagged with “#my job wrapped” if you’re feeling so inclined to take a horrible journey
#my apologies if you knew that already but if not basically the story is:#i worked there from august 2021 - february 2023. 18 months exactly to the day#and long story short i finally quit because my favorite lead left#because his husband got a promotion that meant they were moving to florida(the target in question is in los angeles)#and i was like literally take this job and shove it i ain’t working here no more#oh yeah and i had tried to get promoted just for the pay raise because i was trying to move out of my shithole apartment#but they couldn’t promote me because they already promoted too many people so they were basically keeping me on the back burner#until someone could be transferred and/or promoted out of the store#and there was like. no timeline for any of this shit. no real job description for this position they created for me that they could give me#and the idea of potentially having to stay in that apartment for 6 more months while i found a different job made me soooo mad#that i literally just put in my notice & came back to south carolina at the beginning of april so i could spend the summer with my hounds#and now i’m unemployed by choice until i go back to california. like a freak lol#but it’s like. i have a nice little chunk of savings i’d much rather spend my time & energy on things that matter#like WORKING OUT and REFAMILIARIZING MYSELF WITH THE ACT OF OPERATING A VEHICLE#which btw i couldn’t do at my shithole apartment because there was no parking#soooooo uh. Yeah!#oh wait you know what let me add the tag —>#my job wrapped
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
You fucking idiots dont fucking get it. ive been taking care of plants since i was 14. Ive tried FUCKING EVERYTHING. Fungus gnats are just apparently gonna exist around me no matter what i do or try, apparently just like these yerfs who also seem to be breeding like maggots.
#please! non plant experts stfu forever.#please! if you dont take care of a grden or live by a heavily wooded areas and dont have any plants inside too that arent succs-#shut the fuck up forever!!#whatever you're about to suggest! ive fucking tried it!!!#but of course. like the yerfs you are you cant ever take me at my word for my own experiences. its always that yall know whats right always#and never that im actually fucking correct about the shit i talk about. like maybe its just really fucking hard to control their population#did you ever consider that sometimes you have to make sacrifices if you want to take care of something like plants? i have to wake up at 6#in the morning now JUST to keep the squirrels scared away from my planters. bc if i sleep in at all i risk letting my plants die bc of#their bs. unfortunately theres just shit that comes with plants that you have to decide whether or not your love for plants is greater than#whatever bs you might encounter while you take care of them. and unfortunately one of those sacrifices is having to deal with fungus gnats#and bugs in general. yall think its so easy to control bugs in my apartment. im poor. nothing is sealed here.#i had a fucking mosquito infestation. how does that even happen? i dont fucking know! but it did.#ive had a meal moth infestation. how did they get in? they were breeding in a little bag of old food i had for my hermit crabs.#how did they get in and somehow get to that bag all the way in my room? WHO FUCKIN KNOWS! I SUSPECT THOUGH ITS BC IM FUCKIN POOR#AND THIS SHIT AINT SEALED IN HERE WELL ENOUGH. i have bug problems all the time.#and you're gonna tell me its just suddenly so easy to get rid of gnats.#this is why ik none of yall *actually* take care of plants. like actually truly. outside of what. your succulents and the one palm you have#im really happy that you have plants you can deprive of water for a few days but i have marsh plants! i have swamp plants! I CANT deprive#them of moisture acrually! so its really not that fucking easy to get eid of the fucking gnats! i feel like i should have to fucking#explain this. if you actually took care of plants forreal forreal you would know they are just not fucking easy to get rid of.#but naw. im trans. so that means i never know what im talking about about anything or whatever and yall gotta act paternalistic about#everything i do. meanwhile im sitting over here ripping out my hair about how dumb and juvenile YALL are bc ik for a gotdamn fact if any of#yall ugly fucks ACTUALLY took care of plants outside of the ornamental ones you have this wouldnt be a discussion.#but naw ya saw a jokey post of mine about how i felt defeated in my ability to get rid of the gnats and decided i wasnt actually trying#bc for some reason yall gotta assume that no trans person actually just knows wtf theyre talking about literally on anything.#anyways i hope yall get plagued by gnats forever and all your planrs die from them devouring the roots.#its like yall are new souls coming in acting like you're an old soul and im the actual old soul tryna tell you what it is but yall are just#*so convinced* you're right because everyone says im the crazy old man on the corner so that means i dont know anything or some#dumb reasoning like that. like idk maybe this old man has seen some shit and knows some shit but sure im sure yall little asses know wrf#ur talking about. totally.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#last night i dreamed that i was trapped in my same patterns as i am while awake but the building i work in was bigger#and i was so dizzy and disoriented that i kept stumbling from room to room. up and down stairs. running into people who would stare at me#in confusion until one grabbed me in the way u do when someone is being concerning and incoherent and he made me sit in an auditorium#with a doctor who already knew my name. but then i was back in my messy apartment staring down at a lizard id let die because id forgotten#to feed it. part of my brain was in contact with my mum and she said i should come home so i did. i appeared there but i seemed somewhat#transparent. liked id been there a long time so no one noticed my being there was out of place. they were there but doing other things#i wandered into a room where some ppl i knew from hs were performing surgery. i went to wash my hands and the soap came out as blood#my sister tolerated my presence. which is out of character. she seemed to sense something was wrong. then i walked back into my current#apartment halfway across the country. caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and became transcendently angry#uneasy dreams. but at least i didnt have to get up at 6. i mean i still only got like 7hrs sleep at most but better than 6 i guess#its probably bc i spent so much time hysterically crying and staring off into space yesterday. by the end of the day i felt so awful i#wondered if i might b getting sick. dizzy in that way thats not quite dizzy#but today should b pretty laid back. still doing things but probably ill hace time to get some non work bullshit#done. hopefully. then its back to 11hr days until Monday#then the experiment is over and i havr to deal with the consequences. and finish my other destructive project#which has at least 11 days left#well see what happens 🫠#unrelated
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
hiii i want to quit my job <3
#.txt#stressed.#i dont like lights and sound. i dont think that way. cannot tell the different lights apart and programming confuses me#also the catwalks in the theatre we used last sem were good and stable and not too high up so hanging lights was fine#like they're heavy as shit and i am: weak. scared of falling. not very tall.#so leaning out to focus them sucked#but it's fine!#except we're in the other theatre now. and the catwalks are fuckinf high and wobbly and i hate WALKING on them let alone carrying a light#and everything got hung for the current show but strike and on i really dont feel comfy up there#but whay the fuck else can i do#also i'm working one show that's moving into tech. and co-SMing two others this sem. and taking a full load of classes.#and originally i was only allowed 6 hrs/wk which was fine that's doable#but i guess bc i didn’t work january i get eleven now#but consider! i don't WANT eleven hours i want to QUIT#but she really wants to schedule me fridays and things keep complicating it ans i don't know how to say i don't want to work Fridays#and i HAVE to make sure she continues to like me bc shes the person to go to for SM shit. shes in charge and seemingly fickle#i'm already workinf mon-wed and one of those days i literally don't have time to get lunch so i'm not eating til 5#but i really should push thru to the end of the year at least. i need an understanding of this facet of things.#shes put in the work to train me i shouldnt leave after one semester.#UGH#hate this im too tired for negotiations over a job i dont even want
3 notes
·
View notes