#A N D AN ALL MEATS PIZZA

[rubydubsnuby]

YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKASS TWAT. YOU WERE HAPPY. YOU SAID I'D "SAVED YOUR PARTY". KILL YOURSE-

[ju1cyfru1t]

Y/N’s Guide of a Snapping Turtle Mutant

Rise! Raphael x reader

Fluff! :D gn reader, romantic leaning but can be read as platonic

In which Raph stumbles upon your documentation on himself.

Donnie Leo Mikey

∑Subject of interest

Snapping turtle mutant; large humanoid turtle man

∑ Diet:

Pizza, soup???, meats, carrots, ⚠️allergic to peanuts⚠️

∑ Likes:

Red, punching stuff? (owes me new mirror), hot (specific) soup???, wrestling, Lou Jitsu (watch movies), teddy bears (save coupons), R&B, Jupiter Jim (movies, comics, games), shell scratches, red buttons (owes me an uncracked collar bone; ask why Donnie would add sear ejectors)

∑ Dislikes:

Turtle tank (claims to be “tank-aphobic”), hurting other people’s feelings? (very sweet), “Leo’s tomfoolery” (me too, bro, me too), reading, being snuck up on

∑ Tail language 🛑 do NOT pull, subject screams very loud🛑

twitching rapidly: threatened, scared, nervous. (can smell fear on subject? should I be concerned?)

wagging: excited, happy, proud. (Turtle likes to hear he’s doing a good job)

still and loose: relaxed, confused, sad. (Subject tends to overthink; or not think enough)

——————————————————————————

Raph sighed with a big, swooning smile, setting your paper down on the counter as he finished reading it for the 5th time over. It just made him misty-eyed to see that you, someone so perfect to him, cared so much about him, a big scary mutant. (Even though he’s really not all that scary.)

It made his heartbeat quicken and his chest feel tight, but in a good way. In the best way.

Obviously he knew it wasn’t right for him to read through your personal notes, but I mean, hey. The folder had his name on it, so that basically made it his too.

Still, he didn’t want to seem like a jerk. He had to make it up to you somehow…but making his own gifts was never his strong suit. But…he could add to yours?

——————————————————————————

∑Subject of interest

Snapping turtle mutant; large humanoid turtle man

∑ Diet:

Pizza, soup??? ? I mean it’s ok, I guess., meats, carrots, ⚠️allergic to peanuts⚠️

∑ Likes:

Red, punching stuff? (owes me new mirror) Sorry. What size you want?, hot (specific) soup??? You have got to watch Lou Jitsu. , wrestling, Lou Jitsu (watch movies), teddy bears (save coupons), R&B, Jupiter Jim (movies, comics, games), shell scratches, red buttons (owes me an uncracked collar bone; ask why Donnie would add seat ejectors) I’M SORRY

∑ Dislikes:

Turtle tank (claims to be “tank-aphobic.” What does this mean?) it means exactly what it sounds like (I blame Donnie), hurting other people’s feelings? (very sweet) Who, me? Naaah, “Leo’s tomfoolery” (me too, bro, me too), reading, being snuck up on

∑ Tail language 🛑 do NOT pull, subject screams very loud🛑 WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT

twitching rapidly: threatened, scared, nervous. (can smell fear on subject? should I be concerned?) STOP TALKIN ABOUT MY FEAR STINK I TOLD YOU IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL

wagging: excited, happy, proud. (Turtle likes to hear he’s doing a good job) Yes, he does.

still and loose: relaxed, confused, sad. (Subject tends to overthink; or not think enough) HEY. That’s …so fair.

Love you♡ IGNORE THAT IM USING A PEN I CAN’T ERACE ERASE

���—————————————————————————

AHHHHHHH 4/4

I HOPE THIS IS AS GOOD AS THE OTHER 3 <3

sorry this took a hot second

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 21 Mingi — window/balcony sex // exhibitionism

➥ big d!ck!Mingi × smaller!Reader (not tiny, just smaller than Mingi) summary: Mingi & Y/N have always shared an exhibitionism kink so when they move into their new apartment, they decide to take the balcony for a spin. wc: 3.1k warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, established relationship, mention of alcohol consumption but not by the reader or Mingi, sexual content (minors dni!): oral (f receiving, m receiving), fingering, monster cock Mingi (cause why not), unprotected sex (be responsible), balcony sex (Mingi bends the reader over the railing), exhibitionism (they both get off on the idea that one of their neighbors could be watching), use of pet names (baby, babe, etc), dirty talk, and I think that's everything. Let me know if I missed something! Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy @drunk-on-dk @violagoth @mixling-blog @kosmoreads @yourfavoritefreakyhan Ateez taglist: @2hodefender @babyhailey819 @foxylilbitch @rdiamond2727 @indigo35 @sanjoongie @moonlightsora @hwarmony @kangfication @beomgyusbabygirl Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WLL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. join the taglist!

a/n: Mingi is a big strong man and uses that to his advantage to pin the reader against whatever surfaces he can during sex or in this case, over the railing. Thank you for reading and as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

════════════════════════════════

"And that's the last one!" Yunho said loudly as he walked into the apartment carrying the final box. You turned to look at him, checking the label of the box and crossing it off your list.

"Perfect!" You beamed. "We got all the boxes!"

You set your phone on the kitchen island and looked over at your boyfriend who was currently busying himself with his phone.

"Where do you want this, boss?" Yunho asked, drawing your attention away from Mingi, the box still in his hands. "Put it in the den," you answered, turning away as Yunho nodded and moved to enter the den to deposit the box.

"Y/N," San called from the floor, making you peer over the kitchen island at him. He was holding a screwdriver in each hand. "Does this mean we get pizza now?" he asked excitedly.

A smile spread across your face as you nodded. "Yes, I'll order it now," you answered, grabbing the pad of paper and a pen from your purse which sat next to your phone on the counter.

"What does everyone want?"

"Pepperoni!" "Extra cheese!" "I want veggies and meat!" "Ooh, can we get some cheese sticks?" "What about the beer?" "Don't forget the extra cheese!" "Just meat please. I don't want veggies."

As 8 voices fought to tell you what they wanted, you worked to compromise and finally worked out an order of four large pizzas, two orders of cheese sticks, four 2-liters of soda, lots of plates, napkins, cups, and other utensils and finally, a small gluten free pizza for yourself. 

The guys then played rock-paper-scissors to determine who would go get the beer and unfortunately Mingi and Yunho lost. Yunho grabbed his car keys as Mingi came over to press a quick kiss to your forehead, muttering he'd be right back.

After calling and placing the order, you started to help unpack the boxes Seonghwa had brought to the kitchen. He opened and unwrapped while you put things away, having already agreed with Mingi where things would go and even making small labels to go inside the cabinets and drawers.

When Mingi first announced to the group he was moving out of the dorms and into an apartment with you, they immediately jumped at the chance to help him move not only his stuff, but yours as well. You'd made sure to pack everything up nicely, labeling all the boxes and making a list so nothing was forgotten.

They moved better than any moving company and even better, they only asked to be paid in food and beer which you were only happy to do. It was every day you had 8 strong guys to help you move. You were eternally grateful for Jongho, San, and Yeosang especially.

You chatted with Seonghwa as you worked, emptying the boxes as you went and filling your cabinets and drawers with your flatware, cookware, and other kitchen gadgets.

San and Wooyoung groaned in exhaustion, having finally finished putting the coffee table together after three separate attempts to do so. "I'm never putting furniture together with you again," San whined as he pushed himself up, gathering the tools and putting them back in the toolbox.

"Me? What did I do?" Wooyoung squeaked, still lying on the floor on hid back. "You put the legs on upside down, twice!" San quipped back. You shook your head, amused by their bickering as you resumed working. Hongjoong exited the bedroom to let you know he and Yeosang had finished putting your new bed together.

"Jongho's finishing the dressers now," he added, leaning on the counter as he rested. You opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, handing it to him. Hongjoong thanked you, opening the bottle and taking a sip. "Give these to Yeo and Bear," you said, handing him two more bottles. San dashed over to the counter as Hongjoong headed back into the bedroom.

You grabbed two more bottles of water from the refrigerator and turned back to San, handing him both. He thanked you with a grin and turned to toss the bottle (more like throwing with full force) to Wooyoung, hitting him in the chest.

Wooyoung started to whine but the front door opened, Yunho and Mingi returning with not only beer but several bottles of soju as well.

Seonghwa broke down the now empty boxes as you moved to take a few bags from your boyfriend. "Do you plan on getting everyone drunk?" you asked jokingly. "Some of this is for the apartment," he admitted, kicking his shoes off and following you into the kitchen.

Yunho set the two cases of beer on the counter and was whining about his shoulders when the doorbell rang. Mingi moved to answer it to find the delivery guy had arrived. Yunho stopped complaining immediately and rushed to his best friend's side to take the pizzas.

"Oh, I'm here," you called out, rushing to the door to pay but Mingi beat you to it, taking the soda from the delivery guy and handing over his card. You pouted up at your boyfriend who merely smiled and handed you the 2-liters.

Mingi signed the slip and thanked the delivery guy as he put his card back in his wallet and shut the door. You opened the bag with all the plates and napkins, pulling everything out and setting it up nicely while Yunho placed the boxes of pizza side by side.

"Alright, you heathens," Mingi yelled, calling mostly to the bedroom where Hongjoong, Yeosang, and Jongho were.

"Pizza's here!"

After sitting and standing around the kitchen island, eating pizza and cheese sticks, downing most of the soda and beer while absolutely obliterating the pizza, Mingi finally kicked the guys out.

It was almost midnight and you still needed to sleep before work in the morning. Of course, working from home had its perks but you still had to get up at a reasonable time.

Mingi shut the door behind San and Wooyoung as they exited after waving everyone off. With a heavy sigh, he turned to look at you, standing in the kitchen and cleaning up the mess left behind, mess being the stacked used paper plates, napkins, and cups.

You tossed everything away and started to consolidate any leftover pizza into one box as Mingi moved to stand behind you, his arms wrapping around your shoulders as he rested his chin on your shoulder. "Alone at last," he whispered.

You should have known he had an ulterior motive for kicking the guys out as he waited patiently for you to finish what you were doing, although his hands roamed, first from your shoulders, down to your hips, pulling you roughly against him as his lips left kisses along your neck.

You managed to put away the leftover pizza, soda, and beer despite your 180 centimeter tall boyfriend clinging to you like a baby koala clinging to its mother. "Are you done?" he asked, lips brushing against the shell of your ear. You hummed in response, nodding.

Mingi used his body to push yours against the counter, grinding his now obvious hard cock into your ass. "Good, cause I can't wait anymore," he growled.

You let out a groan, your body responding to him as he continued to grind against you, hands grabbing every bit of your body he could reach. One hand snuck under the hem of your shirt, moving up to grab your tit over your bralette while the other wrapped around your throat as his lips attacked your neck once more.

"This place is ours," you heard him mutter, lips ghosting over your skin. "No one else lives here. We can do whatever we want," he continued, nipping at your skin as he spoke. You felt him press his erection against your ass again, making you moan loudly.

"We can fuck whenever we want," he grunted, rutting against you again. "Wherever we want." You whined as his hips continued to move, rocking against your ass. "Mingi," you gasped, your hands moving to grab onto his forearm as he held your throat firmly.

"Yes, baby?" he whispered, rolling his hips slowly, making you feel all of him. "What is it?"

"Please," you whimpered, hands tightening around his forearm, feeling the hand under your shirt slide down, sneaking past your pants and panties, moving dangerously close to your center.

"Please what?" Mingi asked, his hand pressing against your groin. "Use your words baby, tell me what you want." You felt his lip brush against your ear. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you to fuck me, Mingi."

Your boyfriend let out an animalistic growl, pulling away just enough to spin you around and take your lips in a fierce kiss, forcing his tongue into your mouth. The kiss was messy, wet, and loud but you couldn't be bothered to care when Mingi was kissing you like he'd never get to do so again.

You let out a cry of shock as his hands grabbed under your thighs and lifted you, depositing you onto the kitchen island. He was quick to undo and remove your pants, taking your panties along with your jeans where he left them on the kitchen floor with your shirt that came off next. You ripped off your bralette and suddenly were completely bare before your boyfriend.

He leaned in, kissing you passionately as one hand moved back to your tit, squeezing and kneading it slowly. Mingis lips left yours, trailing down your neck to your chest where he peppered kisses between your breasts. You giggled but it was short lived as his tongue dragged over your pert nipple, taking it into his mouth.

Your fingers tangled in his hair as you used your free hand to brace yourself on the cold granite countertop. You'd have to remember to thoroughly disinfect the counter tomorrow.

You felt Mingi's teeth gently graze the sensitive skin of your areola, making you whimper, hips rolling to find some sort of friction but you were met with only air.

Mingi pulled away and gently blew on your nipple, making you whine and the skin around it to pebble before giving the same treatment to the other one, teasing it with his tongue and blowing cool air over the wet bud.

Your chest heaved with your labored breathing as Mingi's lips left a trail of wet kisses down your chest, past your stomach as he slowly pushed you onto the counter, the cool granite meeting your hot skin.

Mingi scooted your body back and leaned over, kissing down your stomach again until his lips met your sex, giving the slick skin a single lick and groaning in response. "Fuck you taste so good," he grunted, pushing your legs further apart and diving in.

His tongue licked up your slit, finding your clit and swirling around the nub. Your back arched off the counter as your boyfriend ate you out like he didn't just stuff his stomach with pizza and beer an hour ago. The lewd sounds of his tongue against your wet pussy sent heat to your cheeks.

Moans and whimpers of his name left your lips as he kissed, licked, and suckled your clit, stimulating it as you felt two fingers toy with your entrance. "Mingi," you gasped as he dipped his fingers into your wet cunt, gliding past both knuckles.

"You sound so pretty when you say my name like that," he murmured, lips and chin covered in your essence but he couldn't be bothered to care as he set a steady pace, pumping his fingers in time with the flicks against your clit with his tongue.

You felt him curl his fingers inside you, pressing against your g-spot with ease thanks to his large hands and long fingers. The combined effort sent your body reeling towards your climax, cumming with a whine as your thighs closed around your boyfriend's head.

His tongue and fingers didn't stop, coaxing you through your high and dragging another one quickly out of you, leaving you a panting and twitching mess. You moaned out, feeling him scissor his fingers inside you. "Mingi," you whispered hoarsely.

"Yes baby?" he answered, continuing to stretch your entrance so you'd be ready to take his entire length. "Balcony," you replied, licking your lips. "Fuck me on the balcony."

Mingi moaned at your suggestion, leaning over to kiss you as his fingers continued their movements inside you. "You want the neighbors to see us? Want them to know that I'm the one fucking this tight little pussy?" he growled.

You nodded, whimpering pathetically as your boyfriend's fingers pistoned in and out of you, fucking your cunt but not as well as his cock always did. "Please. Let them see."

You cried out as he pulled his fingers from your core quickly and stripped himself of his shirt, pulling you off the counter and leading you over to the sliding glass door, opening it with ease and pushing you out onto the balcony.

The view from your apartment was incredible, the city lights sparkling like stars, headlights from the street below looking like tiny pin pricks of light. You turned to your boyfriend, pulling him into a desperate kiss as you both fumbled with his jeans.

Finally getting the button and zipper undone, you pushed the material down along with his underwear as you lowered yourself to your knees, wrapping your fingers around the base of his cock.

"Fuck, babe, you don't have to- ngh!" Mingi moaned as you took the head of his cock into your mouth, tongue swirling around the tip and sucking before taking more of him past your lips.

"Shit," he cursed, one hand grabbing the railing, the other gripping your hair as your head bobbed, taking as much of his cock as you could. "Just like that, baby. Fuck you're so good," Mingi rasped, his grip on your hair tightening as he started to guide your movements.

"Fuck, yeah. Just like that baby. Keep doing that."

You hummed, the sound vibrating around his cock and he bucked his hips, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat with a lewd wet noise. You didn't let that stop you, keeping a firm hold on the base of his cock with one hand, you reached up with the other to cup his balls, something you knew he loved.

"Shit, Y/N," he gasped. "You're gonna make me cum if you keep doing that." You moaned, bobbing your head as you sucked him off, ignoring the saliva that ran down your chin. You knew your face was probably a mess but you couldn't be bothered to care.

"Holy shit, come here," Mingi groaned, pulling your head back and then to your feet, he wiped your chin and pulled you in for a sloppy kiss before turning you to face the railing and bending you over it.

"God I'm gonna fucking ruin you," he growled, taking his cock coated in your spit and pushing the tip past your folds, sliding into your cunt easily. You let out a loud, long moan as he slid in, bottoming out with his hips pressed flush against your ass.

"Gonna fucking wreck this pussy."

"Mingi," you whimpered, drawing out the last syllable of his name. "Please fuck me."

He didn't need to be told twice, taking your hips in his hands and pulling back almost fully before snapping his hips forward, burying his cock in your throbbing hole. You could feel the tip of his cock hit your cervix, no doubt a small bulge forming.

"Ohhhh fuuuuck!" You cried out as he set a fast, unrelenting pace, his hips slapping against your ass as he thrust into you.

Mingi marveled at the way your ass bounced against his hips, his cock reaching deep into your body as he pounded you against the railing. "Fuck. Feels so good!" he groaned, one hand grabbing your shoulder as his hips continued their assault.

"Ahh! Mingi! Feels s-so deep. Inside m-me!" you moaned. "You like it when I fuck you like this?" Mingi growled, slamming into you, his grip on your hip and shoulder tightening as your walls clenched around his cock. "Like it when I fuck you where everyone can see?"

You nodded, whimpering with each drag of his cock against your insides. "Fuck me. Harder," you moaned, ignoring the small bead of saliva rolling down your chin. It wasn't the first time he'd fucked you so hard you'd drooled and it wouldn't be the last.

"Make me scream, Mingi."

Mingi's hips stuttered for a moment but he was back on top of it a second later, pulling you back to meet his thrusts, enjoying the whiny moans you let out with each thrust. He loved hearing you unrestricted. He loved how loud you got and knowing it was all because of him made his heart swell with pride.

The neighbors hearing how good he gave it to you was a bonus.

"You're gonna wake everyone up, babe," Mingi hissed but made no effort to cover your mouth or muffle your moans. He wanted his neighbors to know he fucked his girl so good. He wanted everyone to know how only he could make you scream.

As if that was his goal, he grabbed your waist, increasing speed and strength as he railed you (no pun intended). Your whiny moans turned into loud cries as he drove his length into you. The loud sounds of his skin hitting yours and the wet sounds of his cock entering your cunt over and over were drowned out by your screams, walls squeezing him as you finally came.

Mingi plowed into you, thrusting once, twice, thrice more before he finally came explosively, his hot load painting your walls and spilling out of your pussy around his shaft, rolling down the inside of your thighs and dropping onto the balcony.

You always joked that Mingi had horse sized loads and this time, it really felt like it. "Shit," he cursed, glancing down to see his cum spilling onto the balcony and rolling down your skin. "I didn't think I'd cum this much," he murmured. "You okay, baby?" he asked, pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder.

You nodded in response. "'M okay," you answered weakly, thighs threatening to give out any second. "I'll clean this up tomorrow," Mingi said, wincing as he pulled out of you and watching more of his load falling to the floor. "God there's so much of it," he whispered. "I don't think I've ever cum this much before."

You stood up shakily, smiling as you felt Mingi support your body with his hands. "You know what they say," you replied, chuckling as your boyfriend shook his head. "No, what do they say?"

"Horse sized load for a horse sized cock."

[mandobatemans]

SFW Alphabet (Agent Whiskey x afab!reader)

warnings: pregnancy mentions, ex-wife & child death mentions, reader is assumed to be a Statesman agent but it's not really important, sex mentions 

word count: 3,151

also posted to ao3

A/N: This can be read as a gender neutral reader, except for a mention of pregnancy in letter "L", which is why it's tagged as afab. If there's anything implying a female-presenting reader that I missed, please don't hesitate to message me and I'll fix it! Also I didn’t do the letter “B” because I got lazy but the rest of the alphabet is there.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Jack loves touch. He always wants to be touching you, a hand on the small of your back or drawing little shapes with his fingers on your leg as you sit together. He’s into PDA—maybe too much. At work, he’ll sometimes rest his hand on your thigh during a meeting…you try to give him a warning look, but that grin on his face has too much influence on you, so you let it slide. When he wants to make out with you every time he sees you in the hallway…well, that’s when you have to put your foot down. Even if you two are sitting together at home working, he wants to be touching you in some way. He’ll cross one of his legs over yours on the couch or you’ll put your feet on his lap. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’s opposed to you calling it “cuddling” but, yes, he loves to cuddle. After a rough mission or a long day of paperwork, there’s nothing he wants more than to curl up with you next to the fire or in bed. Jack will very often fall asleep while cuddling, but you can’t blame him. You’re just as comfortable wrapped around him as he is with you. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Oh my god, yes. Despite the womanizer exterior, Jack is a huge softie inside. All he really wants is to grow old with you at his ranch surrounding by kids and grandkids and great-grandkids and–

The first time he cooks for you, it’s in his New York apartment. You’re prepared with the number for the pizza place down the street in anticipation of his burning the kitchen down, but to your surprise, it's one of the best meals you've ever had. True to form, however, he’s a meat and potatoes kind of guy. The first meal he ever cooks for you is a steak dinner with mashed potatoes, green beans, and homemade gravy. You almost point out how stereotypical it is that your first home-cooked meal from a cowboy is steak and potatoes, but you keep it to yourself because the dinner is so good. He makes variations on it for your anniversaries, incorporating recipes from your side of the family over time. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Whiskey doesn’t break up. He’s snuck out on some one night stands before, but once he’s in it for real, you better believe it’s ‘til death do us part. 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Once he falls in love with you, Jack is unconditionally committed to you. He has a funny way of showing it sometimes, but when you get more serious, he’s certain he wants to marry you. It will take him some time to be ready to get married again, but he knows it’s in your future. He’s tested the waters with off-handed comments about marriage, and you've made some indications that you'd like to marry him eventually. Neither of you are in any particular rush, as you’re happy with your relationship and both know you’ll get married at some point. As they say, things move slower in the South. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Emotionally, he’s much gentler than you ever would have expected. He’s sweet and sensitive, nothing like what you expected from his strong, rough exterior. He’s maybe the most understanding man you’ve ever spoken to. Physically, he only won’t be gentle with you during sex, and that’s only if that’s something you’re into and express wanting. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

While Jack loves a good hug, it would usually be you initiating them. He’ll wrap his arms around your waist and rest his chin on your shoulder while you’re brushing your teeth in the morning, but you've been known to give him a full-on hug out of nowhere. You just can’t help it, being enveloped in his arms overwhelms you with his scent, his warmth, and the steady sound of his heart beating, that you have to hug him at least once a day. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes him a while to say the words “I love you” explicitly. He tells you he loves you in every way except verbally. From teaching you how to ride a horse to telling you things he’s never shared with anyone else, he hopes you know he loves you. Jack knows it doesn’t make sense, but he equates love with loss. He loved his wife and unborn child—he lost them. The nagging voice in the back of his head tells him that if he doesn't say the words aloud, he won't lose you. When he finally does say it, it’s after a mission, one he barely survives. Something went wrong with the tech and his cover was blown, forcing him face-to-face with death. Whiskey had encountered his fair share of near-death experiences, but this one was different, a brush with death so close that he could feel it. The second he’s back at Statesman HQ, you’re there waiting for him. Neither of you are sure who threw themselves into the other’s arms, but you're a mess of limbs and tears. Cradling you as close to his chest as he possibly can, he repeats his first, second, third, and so on “I love you”s into your hair, on your lips, determined to make up for lost time. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Whiskey rarely gets jealous—he’s much too cocky. He’s amused when you’re jealous, though he would never purposely upset you. Whether on your own time or on Statesman business, people will approach him to flirt. Who wouldn’t flag down the cowboy at the bar? Before he can get a word in to politely turn them down, you’re at his side, greeting him with a kiss or firmly attaching yourself to his bicep. He can’t help the smirk that tugs at the corner of his lips when you get defensive over him. Part of why he loves you is how well you can handle yourself, and he’s more than happy to let you show him off.   

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

JACK LOVES TO KISS YOU! He’s always finding an excuse to sneak a kiss: at work, passing you in the hallway, before bed, before work, while you're brushing your teeth, etc. There is no time or place where this man will not be trying to lay one on you. They can be gentle and loving or passionate and demanding, depending on the mood he’s in. Long before he says “I love you,” his love is contained in his kisses. 

There’s a little patch of his neck, right under his jaw, that makes him putty in your hands if you kiss. If you asked him directly where he likes to be kissed, he’d answer, “Oh, you know where, darlin’” and waggle his eyebrows, but in actuality it’s neither of those places. He wouldn't admit this, but he loves when you kiss him on the cheek. It’s something you do without thinking, like when you’re in a rush and have to head out the door or after he's answered a question of yours. It’s so natural to you that he can't help but feel loved when he thinks about it. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Some of the other agents have children, so occasionally there will be a kid or two running around Statesman HQ. Days when there are kids around are the longest you've ever heard Jack not curse. He was raised a good Southern boy, and you mind your mouth around little ones. As for your own children, Jack lost a child that he never even got to meet, so it will be a delicate subject. Personally, he didn’t really expect to have kids at his age or in his line of work, but if you unexpectedly became pregnant, he wouldn’t react badly. He’d be a little shocked, but slowly warm up to the idea of becoming a father again. Alternatively, if you express during your relationship that you want children at some point, he’ll have a bit more time to get accustomed to the idea. When you're pregnant, he’ll quit drinking with you, go to the doctor’s appointments, baby proof the ranch, everything. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Some days he’ll have to be in the office earlier than you are and vice versa. Whoever’s up first will usually make coffee or tea for the other to enjoy once they wake up. When it’s him, he tries really hard not to wake you up, but you sometimes stir from the kiss he has to press to your forehead before he leaves. When on the ranch, where the both of you can usually sleep in, he’s still up before you. On these days, he’ll make you breakfast, sometimes bringing it to you in bed, sometimes leaving you to sleep a little longer. Your favorite mornings are the ones where he stays with you, your bodies a lazy mess of limbs. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It depends how tired you both are. If you’ve still got energy, you’ll usually have sex. If it’s been a long day, one or both of you is reading and/or knocked out on their pillow. However, seeing Jack in his reading glasses will sometimes wake you right up. He won't go to bed without giving you a kiss and telling you he loves you. Some days, those will be the last words out of his mouth immediately before knocking out. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Jack has some fairly open wounds from his past, and he’s not going to just come right out and tell you about his fear of falling in love just to lose them again. Early in your relationship, he purposely avoids opening up emotionally and eventually, you stop asking. Once he’s more comfortable with you, he finds himself wanting to be vulnerable. He wants to have the kind of relationship with you where there’s open, healthy communication and no secrets. It will take him a while to get there, and it won’t happen all at once, but it will happen.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s pretty patient. When he’s stressed out or tired, his fuse gets a little shorter.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He can be forgetful, but he remembers the important things. Everything you express any interest in at all, he remembers, even when you don’t. You’ll find him fixing the sink because you had mentioned the drip was bothering you. Or you lingered a little bit looking at a necklace in the shop window and next thing you know, it’s wrapped up in a little box on your desk.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

There was a time where you both got injured on two separate missions, and Ginger had you both in the lab under observation in beds right beside each other. You had been on one or two missions together before, but always with another agent. Of course you knew each other from meetings and passing each other in the hallways, but had never really talked. Ginger had put you on lockdown in the lab, though, and there was nothing else to do but talk. This was long before you started dating, but looking back on it, it’s probably what Jack would cite as the beginning of your relationship. You had looked over at him and snickered, laughing about how he looked with healing gel around his forehead. After asking you what you were laughing at, he commented that you had the same gel on your chest. 

“Staring at my chest, cowboy?” 

“Hard not to, sugar, there’s a big fuckin’ bubble of shit on it.” 

You paused for a second before cracking up. Ginger wasn’t all too pleased when she returned later that day to find you had spent the time that was meant to be used recovering to talk and crack jokes (and flirt, in Whiskey’s case). 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Jack knows you can take care of yourself (he’ll never forget the time you roundhouse kicked him in training and he walked funny for a week) but he’s a cowboy, so a part of him is always going to want to protect you. Whether in public or on missions, he can’t help but keep an eye on you in case for some reason he needs to jump to your rescue. 

He has an emotional wall up when you first meet from the grief of losing his first wife. It’s an attempt to protect himself from ever feeling that pain again. The longer he knows you and the more time you spend together, the more he feels comfortable lowering that wall and baring his heart to you. He comes to find that, yes, love puts you at risk of being hurt, but it’s worth it to get to be with you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

It’s rare that the two of you get to do a date night, so he puts all that energy into anniversaries and gifts. Your first anniversary, he plans the most elaborate, all-expenses-paid trip for the two of you. It’s the most expensive and luxurious trip you’ve ever been on. You have the time of your life, but if this was the plan for the first anniversary, you worry if your bank account can handle what he would have planned for the second, third, fourth… After expressing this worry, he tones it down. Every 5th anniversary or so he’d plan something extravagant, but the ones in between are no less special. Dinner and drinks at home show you how much you mean to him just as much as a cruise would. 

Sometimes gifts just appear on your pillow or on your vanity or on your desk at work. They’re not that often, usually so spread apart that there’s no discernable pattern to them. The truth is, there is no special occasion. If Jack sees something he knows you’ll love, or remembers something you mentioned offhand and there’s no birthday/anniversary/holiday coming up, he’ll get it for you and leave it somewhere for you to find. He doesn’t feel like he has to make a big deal of giving it directly to you because he doesn’t need the kudos for it. He just wants you to have it. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Jack can be cocky. Nine times out of ten it’s charming, but sometimes he’s so stubborn and so arrogant that it’s too much. To his credit, he is working on it.

He can also be forgetful, dragging his shoes in without wiping the mud off his boots, or forgetting something from the grocery store if you don’t write it down for him. He’s got a great memory when it comes to mission briefings or differentiating a Scotch from a Bourbon, but not for mundane, day-to-day things. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s no more concerned with his looks than anyone else is, except for when it comes to his mustache. He could spend hours in the mirror trimming and grooming it to ensure it's totally even and just how he wants it. Half his bathroom cabinet is grooming products: comb, scissors, balms, oils, wax. For his birthday one year you got him a mustache care subscription box, and you swear he almost cried. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He doesn’t subscribe to the idea that a partner makes you whole. Your partner should make you feel like the best version of yourself, and that's how he feels about you. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Jack is over the moon when you agree to let him teach you how to ride a horse. He has a few stables on his Kentucky ranch, and he’s had the perfect horse in mind to teach you on ever since you first told him you'd never ridden. She’s a Clydesdale named Peaches and a good beginner horse for you because of how obedient and affectionate she is. At least that’s what he tells you as he picks out a saddle for you. However fast or slow of a learner you are, he’s very patient with you. In the beginning he gets too overzealous and explains way too many things at once, but after you ask him to slow down he’s much more aware of your pace. When you finally get the hang of it, he’s so excited to take you to some of his favorite parts of the ranch that are only accessible by horseback. The first time he sees you out riding on your own, he’s overjoyed that you seem to like it as much as he does. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Whiskey doesn’t want someone who’s mean. He can take a joke, but if you’re downright mean? He’s too old for that shit. 

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He can fall asleep anywhere. He’ll pass out on the Statesman plane ten minutes into the flight. The second his head hits the pillow on your shared bed, he’s out like a light. After sex, when he’s sure you’re clean, comfortable, and settled, he falls asleep immediately. You've caught him snoozing at his desk a few times, too. Sometimes you tease him about it, saying, “Okay, old man…” when he insists he can stay awake to watch another episode of whatever the two of you are watching. When he ends up knocked out, you pause the TV and quietly tuck him in. You’ll either fall asleep with him on the couch and stay there all night, or he’ll wake up a few hours later and carry you to your bed before climbing in with you.

tagging: @absurdthirst @laters-gators​ @eupheme​ @psychedelic-ink​

[sa9raaaaa]

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ Headcannons on Monty Gator ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Yeeeeeee, you didn't wait, and I came to you with headcannons on Monty from fnaf ✌ ✌ ✌ I'm used to drawing Monty in the form of a furry, not a robot, so here's the same thing, I also made a mem. Write through the translator, therefore, might not be correctly written :"D ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ ˏˋ ★ ˎˊˏˋ ★ ˎˊ 🐊 ✨ 🎸 I bet he's a goofball, but he's not stupid, it would be funny that he fumbles in math, calculating all sorts of angles of inclination and other things to play excellent golf;

🐊 ✨ 🎸 He likes to annoy company employees, and I can see him swearing with Vanessa, scaring the guards and fooling around with employees on break, yes, he loves attention;

🐊 ✨ 🎸 He quarrels with Roxy like brother and sister, but in case of something they stand up for each other like a mountain. Both like to compete in literally everything: eating pepper for speed, racing, golf. Both can cheat, but mostly it's Monty, yes. It's crazy, they both hate losing. (But Monty can give in if he likes you, maybe I'll even write about headcannons with Y/N someday);

🐊 ✨ 🎸 He eats everything in a row, but he is most enthusiastic about meat. He shares montymix with Chika, for which he gets pussy from employees. Eats her pizza in secret from Chick. Drinks cocktails on his ride, and donuts 🍩 ;

🐊 ✨ 🎸 The disaster of a healthy lifestyle - drinks energy drinks and beer instead of water, eating fluted bacon-flavored chips. Even his voice actor thinks so: "D. Well, I think he smokes from nerves;

🐊 ✨ 🎸 Loves the dark, just like real alligators. I think the thing is that someone from the management clamped his normal eyes, which is why he has photophobia, but they are like: fuck, hold the glasses. Even when repaired, his room is darker than the others;

🐊 ✨ 🎸 He's still a flirt, but if you reciprocate, he's like this: 😎 🤏 😳 ;

🐊 ✨ 🎸 Can growl and purr like real alligators. And... bark and grunt, as you can hear it in the game :D;

🐊 ✨ 🎸 There is a bug in the game when Monty doesn't do anything while standing at the lantern, although initially he should catch the player as soon as he gets caught by the lantern (I don't know if it was fixed or not), so now I have a hedcanon that he is just resting, posing for a spotlight, taking pictures, playing phone games. He is the most naughty animatronic, because of his laziness, he even sometimes does not follow the mimic's orders and just hangs out in golf ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ That's all for now, in the future I will still post headcannons on many other characters, including Monty, this is my very first post that I post in this way, so do not judge strictly. It was really interesting to write

[bloodmoonobsessed]

I’m just gonna do all of them now!

1. Anorexia Binge Purge Subtype

2. I’ve had disordered eating since I was a kid but I developed my specific ED in 2019.

3. I was sexually harassed by men at work (Thats right I said MEN multiple…)

4. I noticed things going south in January 2020

5. I joined EDTWT in jan 2020

6. My nutritionist supports me most.

7. Fear foods are pizza, fries, and chips!

8. I hope to beat my fear foods… For real…..

9. I think this question means to ask How I show symptoms??? Maybe? Uhh I used to excuse myself to vomit my food.

10. No one noticed I told people.

11. My mom doesn’t think I have restrictive ED so She doesn’t worry. My friends do.

12. 0 inpatient stays. But I have an ED therapist I see weekly and a nutritionist.

13. N/A

14. Puking every meal, to the point I’d vomit 50-90 times a day.

15. Yes, I started from a higher weight so I never got to a low LW, But I lost 100 lbs…

16. Biggest fear is gaining weight even though nothing is wrong with being fat. And I’m trying to lose weight and I’m kinda relapsing but trying to eat over 1100 calories But its HARD!!

17. See above…

18. Being sexually harassed. At my lowest weight I never got sexually harassed. I only notice it when I was heavier I think because I had H cups and it shrunk to a B/C… I dunno though. That’s kinda putting blame on me but men really love big boobs I hate it. I’m a D cup right now 😭

19. I started recovery by contacting a nutritionist.

20. I started recovering for real in June of last year… But it’s rocky…

21. Spaghetti/Noodles in general!!

22. MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD IS ROCKY!!!!!!

23. I’ve always loved food, from the time I’d eat in secret at 7 to now… I love it (I hate it too)

24. Yes I count calories……… My nutritionist doesn’t want me to

25. I don’t understand this question.

26. I don’t have one… MYSELF!!!

27. Professionally diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar 1, and GAD. (As well as ADHD but thats not mental illness)

28. No but I eat less meat than I did as a kid…

29. I take Prescription meds like Spironolactone and Straterra

30. Kinda yes but kinda wanna get worse? I dunno… My brain is at crossroads.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Skeleton and S/O burning something together and skeleton's brother is coming home just to see this.

Undertale Sans - He walks past the kitchen when Papyrus and his S/O are screaming and throwing water everywhere. He sighs and keeps walking, ordering something to eat online before he goes back to sleep. It's not the first fire, that won't be the last, it's fine.

Undertale Papyrus - "REALLY SANS?! YOU DIDN'T EVEN PULL OUT THE PIZZA OUT OF THE BOX, OF COURSE THIS WAS GOING TO BURN. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. AND YOU Y/N! YOU SAW HIM DO IT AND DID NOTHING, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TWO?" You are both looking your feet, while Papyrus is lecturing you. That's what's happening when you're doing a lazy contest with your boyfriend.

Underswap Sans - He flies to the rescue because poor Honey is so scared he's panicking with the fire, and you're just screaming behind him, not knowing what to do. Blue grabbed the garden hose and is watering the dying barbecue. Welp, rip little sausages.

Underswap Papyrus - Ok, so Honey is usually not loud. Except in this case. "BLUE WHAT THE HELL IS THAT." "IT'S A SATANIC PENTAGRAM, IT'S BURNING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY." "I KNOW THAT BUT WHY IS THERE A SATANIC PENTAGRAM IN THE HOUSE?!" Blue points you. You gasp and immediately scream back that Blue encouraged you to do it. Now there's potentially a demon appearing in the middle of the house, great job.

Underfell Sans - When he sees the lasagnas are burning and that you're already trying to calm Edge, he moonwalks out of here. He's not dealing with a pissed off Edge right now.

Underfell Papyrus - When he sees his brother, Red is hiding behind you and pushes you onward as a meat shield. You were trying to make cookies, except Red didn't understand it was 12 minutes and not 120 minutes, and that didn't end well for the cookies. Now the oven is ruined, and Edge came home early, and he's slowly getting very red, like a kettle about to explode. "saaAAAAAAAAANS". Well, shit. Red is teleporting the two of you out of here. Edge is screeching and stomping in front of where you were standing a few seconds ago.

Horrortale Sans and Papyrus - Hum... You were trying to burn some branches you cut earlier, and you are now wondering if the fact the flammes are 30 m high is normal. Willow is the first one to panick when he tries to calm down the fire and it does nothing, then you and Oak are panicking. Willow calls the firefighters while you and Oak pushes all the animals out of their enclosure to save them. You're never doing this ever again.

Swapfell Sans and Papyrus - Nox was wondering what were these "pop pop pop" he kept hearing behind the kitchen door. So he opened it, and instantly regret it when his own body suddenly swims away in a sea of burned pop corn. The kitchen is full of it, and more kept coming out of the pan Rus used. Rus and you are nowhere to be seen, but he sure can hear Rus said that if you two are swimming under the pop corn, Nox won't notice. Oh boy. Nox is scanning the zone for their souls and bringing them to him. You two are trying to avoid eye contact. You're going to clean his kitchen. He doesn't want to see one pop corn on the ground or he swears there's going to be a murder. You two execute. Nox is M A D.

Fellswap Gold Sans - Win facepalms when he sees the pastas burning. Coffee jumped in your arms the second it burned and you two are screaming in panick. Wine gets up and stops the gaz. The pasta stops burning. Oh.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - "brother are you sure all the smoke is normal. it looks not good." "I KNOW HOW TO COOK BURGERS, PAPYRUS. THIS IS NORMAL." You try to say something but he growls at you before you can, so you shut up. "hum... ok. but are you sure the bread is supposed to be this black? it looks like it's d-". He stops when a huge flamme suddenly carbonised the burger for good. Uh... Coffee is just scared now. He's going to wait in the garden that his brother is done.

[freuleinanna]

movie night

Characters: Dylan Lenivy, Kaitlyn Ka, Ryan Erzahler (starring as a domestic polyamorous trio) Chosen ending: Any one where those three are alive and not infected Short summary: The chaotic bubbly trio has a movie night but pick the wrong film :D Words count: 836

Tags: @ryo-kaen, @althea-tavalas, @ech0lenivy1, @b33barlowsstuff (tagging those who wanted to check the works and/or specifically the characters in this trio, I think they all have an amazeballs chemistry!)

(yes I didn't find a single gif of all 3 together so I had to choose my personal fav oops)

((also I had to colour-code it bc it's all dialogue, but let me know if it's easier in b/w!))

‘Dooon’t you worry, guys, I’m the protector here, everything’s gonna be-- argh! Shit, false alarm.’

‘Real brave, dude, real brave.’

‘What are you doing, these are buttered! Get it off, Ryan!’

‘Shh-shh! Shhh! Here it comes, guys--’

‘I said get it OFF! Seriously!’

‘What’s the matter, Miss Butterpants?’

‘You NUMBNUT, that’s my designer’s--’

‘Shut it! I’m here for the corny dialogues in the film, not yours.’

‘Boo-hoo, Captain Hook, the crying sofa is in another room.’

‘Corny enough, Kat? How ‘bout more corn?’

‘I’M SERIOUS, God! You’re a hog, Ryan!’

‘…oh no.’

‘She didn’t.’

‘God, no…’

‘Oh, yes, she did.’

‘NO! I didn’t! I did not!’

‘She SO did!’

‘I’m gonna kill you two little…’

‘THE HOG!’

‘OF HACKETT’S QUARRY! Bwaaaaaa!’

‘Why, God? Why?’

‘…dude.’

‘What?’

‘…dude.’

‘Shut it, Jimi Hendrix, go play your imaginary guitar with your imaginary hand. RYAN, STOP WITH THE POPCORN!’

‘…dude, was that your hog sound? So lame.’

‘Turn your head and watch a movie, numbnut.’

‘What-nut?’

‘Dude, not cool.’

‘They are kinda numb…’

‘Oh my god.’

‘…cause you’re sitting on me, Thumbelina.’

‘Nope, not reacting to that.’

‘One more popped corn and your weight is gonna crush me down.’

‘One more word and I’ll pop your eye with my thumb, how about that?’

‘Guys, we missed like half the plot already.’

‘Oh right, so who’s the monster?’

‘I will be, if Ryan doesn’t stop pouring buttered popcorn all over my designer blouse! QUIT IT!’

‘Shush! Also, Ryan, buddy, my leg went numb thanks to Thumbelina over here.’

‘So?’

‘So move your ass! I need space!’

‘Use the space previously taken by your hand. Easy enough.’

‘That’s… low. Even for you, dude.’

‘Life’s not fair. Hey-- Hey. What are you doing?’

‘Avenging my Alexander Wang, you hog.’

‘…OF HACKETT’S QUARRY!’

‘…OF HACKETT’S QUARRY!’

‘Oh, god…’

‘Wait, is he a friend of yours?’

‘Dylan, honey, was your brain also in your hand what it got chopped off? My blouse. My blouse is by Alexander Wang.’

‘Ooh, someone’s touchy.’

‘Oh yeah? How much did it cost?’

‘Are we watching the film or not?’

‘Seriously, how much, Kaitlyn?’

‘Literally free, go eat your popcorn.’

‘If he can get it from under the shirt.’

‘First of all, is that where my safe-net fund go after you said you were too broke to chip in for pizza? And second of all… du-ude! Are you trying to make me lose the shirt?’

‘Yeah, Dyl, are you?’

‘Oh no, oh no-no-no, you can’t throw me under the bus, Kat.’

‘I can and I will the first chance I have.’

‘I’m always trying to make Ryan lose his shirt. But you, sweetums?’

‘Ew, it shouldn’t even be a word!’

‘You, sweetums, robbed our precious Ryan to buy a des shirt?’

‘I did n--’

‘UP TOP!’

‘Oh, god.’

‘I’m so proud of you. Not you, Ryan, you’re a gullible patsy. But we love you the way you are.’

‘Aww, gee, thanks.’

‘Yes, because you give us money. UP TOP!’

‘UP TOP!’

‘I hate you both.’

‘No, you don’t. Now seriously, get Thumbelina off my lap, I’ve at least one case of a numb nut.’

‘You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone, prick.’

‘Oof!’

‘Ouch! What are you--’

‘Sweet freedom!’

‘God, do you even have meat on your bones?’

‘Yeah, if you wiggle your ass more, you’ll definitely find it.’

‘Ew, gross.’

‘GUYS GUYS GUYS, the music! It’s on!’

‘Oh, right! Is that the monster?’

‘What are we watching again?’

‘Ah, who cares.’

‘What’s that one’s name?’

‘Stop wiggling, seriously!’

‘I’m sitting on a pile of popcorn, dude. That’s so ruined.’

‘SHUT IT! They’re gonna show the monster soon! Hear that? Dun-dun-dun, DUN-DUUUUN!’

‘Isn’t she, like, the main damsel in distress?’

‘Yes, that’s THE WHOLE POINT!’

‘She’s a damsel, she’s in distress, she’s gonna get eaten.’

‘Wow. Insightful. Thanks, Ryan the cinema expert.’

‘Oh my god, somebody hold my hand!’

‘Which one?’

‘You’re lucky I’m too emotionally invested to hit you, so just… okay??’

‘Ryan, hold his hand, I’m busy.’

‘Doing what exactly?’

‘Watching, duh.’

‘Oh, my-- Come one, dude. Aren’t you supposed to protect us from the atrocities of the classic horror movie night?’

‘Again, I’m too emotionally invested to—AAH OH MY GOOD!’

‘WHAT THE FUCK?!’

‘Shit, shit, SHIT! RYAN!’

‘I can’t hold both of you!’

‘YOU GOTTA!’

‘What the FUCK?!’

‘Fucking werewolves! GOD!’

‘Who DOES that?!’

‘It’s literally called THE WOLF MAN, DUDE!!! Didn’t you at least check what was on?!’

‘Unbelievable!’

‘Who’s got the remote, quick!’

‘Fucking werewolves! Grrr-ah!’

‘Okay-okay-okay, it’s under me! It’s under me! Or Kaitlyn!’

‘I’m under Kaitlyn, man!’

‘Oh shit, I got it, I got it! Oof, fuckity-bye, creepy 1940s wolf… people.’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘So… call it a night?’

‘Yeah, neat idea.’

‘I’m not letting go of you two.’

‘Come on.’

‘We’re leaving the lights on, right?’

‘Er…’

‘Ryan, not now. Dylan, yes we are.’

‘…’

‘I am SERIOUSLY never letting go of you two.’

‘Neither am I!’

‘Neither am I.’

‘Good, agreed. Nighty-night, then.’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…’

‘Fucking werewolves.’

[amazingphilza]

study buddies :: cc!multiple x reader

fluff , platonic , gender neutral ! some headcanons if the mcyts were trying to help you do hw :D

cc’s included in order: tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo , wilbur soot , philza , technoblade

tommyinnit

i feel like he’s the type to be in a long discord call with you whilst you both try to finish your work

mans uses the screensharing feature like there’s no tomorrow

“y/n watch my stream on discord and help me guess the answers”

“tommy no! i haven’t even taken a film class before”

“your guess is good as mine”

“just cheat and google the answers!!!”

“fuck you”

he actually just wants your attention because he’s bored out of his mind doing homework

five minutes later of asking you to help him guess questions he’s like

“hey y/n”

“what now?”

“let’s play bedwars”

“oh my god shut up!!!”

if tommy has to speedrun something before a deadline, it is a whole different story tho; he will be so focused on completing that he won’t hear what you’re saying

if you’re struggling in math, you’re on your own

“math is shit, only numbers i need is my primes and youtube analytics” says tommy any time you complain about math

besides the fact he isn’t good at solving math problems, you can’t even read his handwriting if he did try showing you how to do a problem

“okay, y/n, it’s simple, just look” he says in his kareninnit voice and everything

you’d be like “is the variable a G or a 9??”

“fuck you that’s a 4!!!”

tubbo

i don’t know if tubbo ever talked about school before but something about him makes me think he’s actually pretty good at math

like he can explain a few things when it comes to math / algebra

CODING GO BRRRR

no geometry or calculus though, anything past algebra will go bad

if tubbo is doing homework with you, he will definitely tune you out

“hey tubbo can you help me on this question?”

you don’t get a response until like 20 minutes later

“oh yeah, what was it y/n?”

like now you answer? i just got the answer myself after so long, forget you smh

“oh nothing tubbo, nevermind!”

but you’re still grumbling in your head because if he answered just a bit earlier you wouldn’t have gone through the work of finding the answer online

i can also imagine if you’re taking chemistry tubbo is like ;

“oh you’re taking chemistry? let’s make some bombs!” /lh

tubbo would definitely pull an all-nighter with you to finish your projects together

if you had a group project, he would make you do the writing part while he does the drawing part

“we definitely aced this project”

“of course we did, if i made you draw we would’ve ended up with stick figure diagrams”

“TUBBO. THE FUCK?”

ranboo

okay i know ranboo said he isn’t a theatre or band kid (unless im wrong and forgetful) but i feel like he’d be somewhat educated in the topics nonetheless

half the time he’s great moral support, helping you stay motivated !

the other half is him making fun of you

“i cant believe you’re failing, that is so sad, can’t be me”

“it’s literally an honors class, ranboo! it’s supposed to be hard!!”

“taking an honors class willingly? also cant be me AHAHA”

i honestly can’t see ranboo going to school like i know he’s a minor and said he had zoom calls before and plays volleyball but like did i miss something? has he dropped out yet? like something about ranboo does not scream “student” /lh

besides that, i’m not sure what subject he would actually be good in,,, but something about nutrition/health sciences,, he knows a few things

don’t get me wrong, i don’t think he actually likes the subject but somehow remembers what he learned from the class

also gives me the type of energy of the type of person to take a first aid class to be a certified person to do cpr on someone just to kill time during his lunch breaks for a while or something

“i am a certified cpr person”

“my life in ranboo’s hands? oh god please no”

you two would probably joke about the ‘bad’ people in your classes or talk shit about your schools than actually doing anything homework related ngl AHAHAH

“you think your school is down bad? mine went back to campus full time after like 6 months into quarantine because they were running out of money”

“what the hell y/n? your school is a scam, drop out”

“arghhhh i knowww”

“i bet i make more money than your teachers combined AHAHAH”

wilbur soot

he doesn’t seem like the best person to ask for help for homework but can info dump you on very specific historical events + a bit of geography

i kinda see him as the person you can ask to proof read an essay for you and would help it improve immensely

who needs a thesaurus when you have vocabulary boy wilbur?

i dunno if it’s an american thing only or at all, but if/when you get to studying hamilton in your english class, he will get so fucking excited

“no wilbur it isn’t fun! imagine listening to lin-manuel miranda rap ‘alexander hamilton’ at the white house from like 2009 on repeat for over an hour whilst trying to write an analysis about it!! it was so distracting”

“well clearly someone has a personal problem with mr lin-manuel. if i were you, i’d be singing the whole thing”

is this last bit personal and complete spite from my freshman year english class? yes. i do not care? no. /hj

unrelated but i actually scribbled nice guy ballad lyrics and other songs on my english scratch papers in freshman year but anyway

probably isn’t the best person to be in a call to do homework with but wilbur doesn’t mind you ringing him occasionally sometimes

i dunno i can just see him easily get bored of the silence or something but also doesn’t want to bother you too much

but he is genuinely proud of you whenever you tell him you aced a big test you were studying for :D

philza

this man’s bad advice is as bad as him trying to help you on any subject

he’s an old man so /hj

but like honestly, he hasn’t been at school for so long, phil can probably only help with the most basic things when it comes to school

if you have a wack teacher that makes you collect data through surveying people, phil would be one of the best people to ask! straightforward and won’t take too much of your time compared to other people ahem,,

statistics things ! sobs

if you ever complain a lot about your classes and contemplating dropping out and stuff, he will def scold you hard

“ugh phillllllllll can i just like,, never go to school again?”

“do not drop out”

“argh fine, i won’t just ‘cause philza minecraft said so”

honestly if you get a high score in a big test like your sats/gcse’s (whatever you’re taking from wherever you are) he’d probably order you a small meal or something to celebrate :D

like how phil bought ranboo bought him food to his house, it would start as a joke but when you get your test scores back he’s like “YOOO GOOD JOB Y/N”

expect a left meat pizza coming to your house .

technoblade

like wilbur, techno is also helpful when it comes to history!

def knows a decent bit of literature too

besides that i don’t really see him being that helpful

even if he was supposed to be an english major

he will just get mad at the school system for teaching you useless things

“being in school is good but why do you need to know how to know if something is a triangle or not? i can obviously see with my eyes that it’s a triangle”

“i dunno! ask the person that made up geometry”

“just look at a kaleidoscope and be over with it, it isn’t that hard”

“that isn’t how it works—”

“bruhhh”

if you’re looking for the person to call while doing homework, he is not the person /lh

it’s either like 0 or 100 with techno

he can just completely not say anything and ignore you or go on a full rant about whatever class or homework you have

if you have an essay you need written, it will take a lot of bribing but he might take the opportunity if you are rich

“techno i’ll paypal you $10 please help me”

“no. i can make 10 times that amount in 5 minutes if i just started streaming right now”

“techno i don’t have that kind of money! pleaseee”

“no. instead of complaining, you can use that time to actually start you work”

“you’re the worst”

then you speedrun the essay and get an A just to spite him

[shtern-and-art]

Back again with more questions about the au!! XD

And don't worry, we all love your long responses!! The more you say about the au the more interesting it becomes :D

Do Skeppy and Bad need to eat? If so, do they have favourite foods and can they cook?

Does Skeppy have pets of any sort? Does he like animals or have any that he particularly fears? I find the idea of Bad comforting him after a not so nice encounter super cute!

It's pretty obvious they hate the littering teens but what about little kids. Does Bad often lure then deep into the forest to see all the prettiest flowers and cute animals? Has he ever tried to adopt one before realising that wouldn't be a very good idea.

Does Skeppy get defensive about the forrst when he's in the town, like cutting off people who try to say it's a horrible place, or is he good at controlling his emotions?

Do either of them actually need sleep or is it just for fun (or in Bad's case a way to pass time). Does Skeppy ever sneak into the forest depths to nap alongside Bad? Is Skeppy considered short by humans? I assume Bad teases him for being tiny since he's pretty damn tall/large (defending on form) himself.

Also do you have a favourite animal? N who's your favourite to draw in this au?!

Once again, so many questions '>_<. I always look forward to updates for in the dark, all the extra bits are so cool to learn about! I'll probs have even more after a while too haha. Hope you have a great day!! <3

Oh, that's a relief! Gonna ramble freely now :D

And, yes, hello, the questions! (with doodles now!)

1) Food.

Bad doesn't really need rest or nourishment (his health is connected to the forest), but he indulges in both. Sleep, yes, he uses to pass the time (or have dreams, for the heck of it). And the desire to get food or hunt is part of the instincts leftover from all the times he connected to the forest animals for a long time. Desire to eat food though is purely his own, as a person and not a spn creature :D

Back when he was a human, he could cook pretty good, and I bet his favorites were pastries and steak. Nowadays, in the forest, he can eat meat pretty much any day, raw or otherwise. So, after being awake and coherent for long enough time, and reconnecting with himself a bit, Bad will miss eating baked stuff way more than any other food.

And, yes, getting fresh muffins is one of the reasons/leverages Skeppy might try to lure Bad to hang out in the town.

Rat eats and sleeps too, but Bad isn't sure if she does it out of necessity or habit.

Skeppy, oh, he is one of those people who can burn water. In part, the blame goes to his nature - or his lack of control over it - chaos inducing tendencies do not go well with following recipes.

Which is unfortunate, seeing how he does need to eat, and sleep, and so on. Sure, he can last way longer without any of those things than a human would, but he still needs them to survive.

So, his favorite food is pizza, and all home-cooked meals stayed in the past, when Skeppy still lived with his family.

2) Sleep.

So, yes, Skeppy needs to sleep! But I'd say he will not go out to the forest at night for it. Not at first, at least.

First time, he just stayed out for a long time, very far back from the forest's edge. And the forest is so dark, it’s hard to judge the time in it at evening hours… By the time Skeppy noticed that it got very late, the whole journey back would’ve taken him too long to get a good rest at home. But, really, he didn’t have to make it. Nothing in these woods would hurt him, as long as Bad is around, and he’s… here, Bad’s around. And he knows the best moss-covered nooks between the roots, and is very, very warm all the time, and is kinda worrying anyway… Bad knows his woods are safe for Skeppy, but he doesn’t want him going around town at night when Skeppy is distracted and tired.

And this is how the first sleepover happens: with Skeppy declaring he’s stealing Bad’s cape to burrito himself in for the night, and (after the pretend-fight about it), doing so while Bad is still wearing it. It turns out for the better though, because the cape is not that warm, even if cozy, but Bad very much is. Enough to sleep nicely through the night, and dream of the vastness of the forest, the quiet peace of earth underneath, and of the tree branches reaching for the sky, to pass on the wishes tied to them further.

Bad doesn’t sleep that night, just watches over the snoring cape-caterpillar snuggled to his side (in a very not-creepy way, oh no). He puts some old dry leaves in Skeppy’s hair to make fun of him in the morning, and totally doesn’t scare him, when Skeppy half-wakes up early in the morning to a glowing milky white eyes of not really human looking Bad staring right at him.

Next time Skeppy stayed out in the forest for too long, and had to spend the night, he maybe did it almost kinda half consciously on purpose. Because he wasn’t sleeping well, and the loneliness and the stress of life were getting to him a bit, and. He is very much touch starved. And the dreams he had in the forest last time were pretty nice too. Like resting so close to Bad let Skeppy feel what he feels, perhaps? Anyway. It was nice. But he couldn’t just ask for stuff like that right upfront then, so the shame and creativeness lead his way.

At some point he will ask to sleep near Bad upfront, though (:

3) Kids.

Oh, little kids Bad doesn't mind. Also he remembers too much about being human to lure kids away, or think having one at the forest will be a good idea :D I'd say, if some little kid gets away from their parents or a common walking path, Bad could lead them back instead. Send them to chase after a bunny or a pretty butterfly, leading the child back to safety.

Bad never shows himself to the kids, and there is a bit of self-deprecation in this. Just like there is a bit of kindness in the way he treats people, despite always showing how angry and done he is with them.

That is a weird, interesting contradiction Skeppy is very fascinated with.

4) Height.

Skeppy is short by human standards :D And his less human form is even shorter, so Bad absolutely makes fun of him for that. Oh, I'm sorry "lightly teases him, with no mean intent to it at all" (c) Bad, smiling with all his long, sharp teeth

5) Skeppy and the townsfolk.

After knowing Bad for a while, knowing how Bad sees the forest, and how, despite his anger, Bad still can't help but watch out for some people of the town too... Yes, with all that, Skeppy will find himself getting angry at times over people bad-mouthing the forest.

But he can't really talk back here. After all, it was him, and his mischief that reawakened old rumors, old fears, made people more paranoid about the forest than they were before.

Skeppy's little pranks took hold, and him being in town and going around the forest doesn't let people forget how scary and dangerous this place can be.

So yeah, before he lets himself properly call out someone about being mean to the forest, Skeppy gotta face all that. Fun times :D

6) Favorite animal and fav. character to draw.

I think I like to draw Bad more, because he can shapeshift, and the horns/branches are fun to twist around :D But I liked doing Skeppy's reality breaking effects too!

And idk if I can pick one favorite animal :D I just really like snakes, cats, orcas, and all corvids.

Thank you, this ask really made my day! Even if it took me a bit to answer it XD

---

In The Dark - masterpost

[postmodern-blues]

first listen to rhys and ianto’s excellent barbecue: a saga

I’m just gonna put all my thoughts in order while I listen to this audio and do my homework. I’ll tag it for spoilers, but I’ll also put everything below the cut in case you haven’t listened to it yet <3 um also i do a lot of swearing be warned...

last warning, yall, lots of spoilers and quotes ahead:

Rhys’s friends call him RHYSIE and I Am So Soft For This.

“I’m making my Special Sauce” god if Jack were here....

I love how Torchwood writers can’t even find a way to write RHYS in a straight way. He’s so cute and AHSDHGHFDAS I LOVE THIS SO FAR

the meat jokes.... already.... let’s hope serentiy Ianto does not resurface

IANTO! my god I have missed my boy. HE IS BACK

Oh my god... oh my fuck.... he’s so CUTE i might need to take a breather.... dude....

Gwen looking out for Ianto, inviting him to Rhys’s stuff. DID SOMEONE SAY FOUND FAMILY HMMMM

“lads, lads, lads” I WENT FERAL WHEN I HEARD THIS IN THE TRAILER

“Jack’s sorry he couldn’t come” hhhhhhhh one sausage comes off the barbecue and he’d be like “this is quite homoerotic” HAIJFODHS

Rhys come on,,,, baby,,,,, do not be homophobic about this

I get the feeling I might be going too crazy about this,,, WE’RE ONLY FIVE MINUTES IN

godDAMNIT THIS IS THE SHIT I’VE BEEN CRAVING EVER SINCE GHOST TRAIN afdsohfs

Ianto brought Chardonnay....

“Except Banana boat, he’s a bit thick” AGFDKHDGS R H Y S

oh shit alien things are happening

“yes, RHYS, I know how to discuss my TOP SECRET work at a social event” he’s fucking ICONIC

“you have an inability to call each other by your proper names” my sister is just like this tho... she calls all her friends by anime character names.. little bit better than ‘sticky jeff’ but not much

Ianto being oblivious to Rhys’s gender role shit is just,,,, I STAN HIM

If Ianto and Rhys do not take a ride in the pink car by the end of this audio I’m suing

jkjk but that would be so great wouldn’t it

godDAMNIT i love this audio

"we.... don’t” yet again, it is the 21st century, and torchwood is sooo not ready

“It’s the BOYS’ barbecue” rhys and his friends seem like they have a very cute queerplatonic relationship. wonder if they wear socks when they’re doing “barbecues”

who the fuck is steven.... whAT IS GOING ON

“I don’t know him THAT well, but there’s no way he would call me love” u sure abt that rhysie

“if u run headfirst into an invisible wall, at least let me FILM it on my phone” these two i stfg

this ‘time bubble’ concept has SO MANY FIC POSSIBILITIES why is big finish spoiling us-

jack and gwen going for pizza instead of being at work AHHDOFDGSHK 

oh my GOD THE CALLBACK TO DISSECTED!!!!! this is like when gareth called back to The Last Beacon in Dinner and a Show AHHHH

I am reminded about martha and gwen,,, i am happy,,, the PARALLELS

these two arguing dude the TENSION.. the SUBTEXT

“god help you if you ever hear about pink wine” SFIHOJADHGF 

i swear half my commentary here is me quoting something funny and then keyboard smashing

Ianto is fucking ANNIHILATING Rhys here and by extension gender roles. Goddamnit THIS is the conversation we needed. I love him so much can you tell

“you LOVE each other” I’ve only had this audio for about half an hour but if anything fucking happens to it, i’ll kill everyone in the room and then myself

i don’t think you understand how goddamn adorable rhys is about his friends

“thank fuck none of them are here right now” mate my man badger calls you RHYSIE i don’t think it would affect them

I am so thankful Jack isn’t here because oh my g o d this would be an hour long block of innuendos. this whole audio is just exposing the very prominent homoerotic tendencies of straight men

sometimes, and by that i mean all the time, i wonder if my family hears me listening to big finish and wonders if i’m actually just watching porn. and honestly I think it would be a whole lot less embarrassing if i just told them i was watching porn instead of “yeah it’s this scifi thing these characters are trying to make a hole in an invisible time force field thing. are they gay? no, well, i mean, yes, but not like that! welllll, a little bit like that, but it’s NOT PORN”

“what the hell was that rhys? You Absolute Idiot.” AHHH THESE TWO

“let’s stuff it full of sausages” 

GWEN AND IANTO TELLING EACH OTHER STORIES ABOUT THEIR IDIOT HUSBANDS IS MY LIFEBLOOD FUCKKKKKK

“back pocket” THIS IS SENDING ME BACK TO MY SHERLOCK FANDOM DAYS (fucking remember john getting sherlock’s phone out of his coat that he was wearing? that’s what this is)

Rhys pretending to be Steven (Stephen?) is,,,,, oh my god,,, this is too fucking intense

god i feel so bad for rhys,,, seriously

ohmygodddddd

this took a serious turn I was not prepared for

also gwen wanting rhys to talk to ianto is,,, ughhhh i ship gwen/rhys sooo hard

rhys- baby- oh my godohmygodohmygod

im like,,, IM CRYING BRO THIS IS

“I DO love them” hhhhhh

the special sauce thing is sending me im sorry

“can we rescue the beer?” RHYS

‘Ianto you beautiful man, you did it!” THEY!!! THEY!!!!!!

i wanna make it clear that i don’t ship rhys and ianto but i think they are so cute as friends

guys im in tears right now

the way rhys goes from not wanting ianto here to not wanting him to leave,,, um its a simple arc but i’d also do anything for it

RHYS AND GWEN RHYS AND GWEN RHYS AND GWEN ANDHDHSGHFAOSDLSDLHD

“OH HE’S ADORABLE WHATS HE CALLED?” me when i first saw Ianto Jones onscreen

“he’s a colleague of the missus,,,,,, and a friend” why don’t you just shoot me in the head hm

rhysie,,, baby,,, holy shit you need to go to therapy,,, just like,,, have a chat with janet the weevil and see how you feel after

funny how rhys fucking williams is handling loss so much better than ANY of torchwood. like jack got PREGNANT after losing owen+tosh. Ianto started having sex with his immortal boss after losing his girlfriend. healthy coping mechanisms? who is she?

they let rhys say fuck a lot in this audio and that is Very Sexy of Them

“bunny has run away with my tie” h e s s o f u c k i n g p r e c i o u s

“lads lads lads” AHHHHHHHHH

this audio. is. so good. so cute. so sad. BIG FINISH YOU DID IT AGAIN YOU SEXY BASTARDS YOU!!!!

[carnegiemuseumnaturalhistory]

The 12,000-Year Journey Of The Cheeseburger

In one large bite, a bun, ground beef patty, cheese, lettuce, and tomato could finally fulfill its purpose: to be my lunch. Many people have seen ads for, or even eaten a cheeseburger before. But where do all the ingredients come from? The tasty combination of meat, vegetables, grain, and milk product has 12,000-year-old roots in a faraway land across the sea. From there, over thousands of years and thousands of miles, it made a journey to its ultimate destination … my stomach. As delicious as it is, every good ending has a story.

The Bun

For a proper burger, you need the bun to sandwich all its deliciousness. The main ingredient for the bun is flour, which comes from wheat. Today, there are 25,000 distinct forms of wheat, all descended from a plant called emmer, which first originated in the Fertile Crescent within the Middle East. The earliest evidence for emmer being deliberately grown by humans for food (domestication) was from at least 12,000 years ago.

Ancient humans, just like us today, enjoyed eating wheat products (I love my pizza!). Where it grows abundantly, wheat is easily harvested and can be stored for extended periods of time, making it a stable source of vegetable protein. Thus, some of the first civilizations, like the Babylonians and Assyrians, sprung up in the Fertile Crescent. Emmer wheat spread to Greece, Cyprus, and India by 6500 BCE, and to Egypt shortly after. In fact, the Egyptians are the first people known to make bread.

The Patty

Now let’s get to the deliciousness housed between the buns: the patty. Traditional cheeseburgers are made from beef, which comes from cattle. Unlike emmer wheat, cattle, which descended from wild oxen called aurochs, were domesticated separately in two (possibly three) different places: the Fertile Crescent, the Indus Valley (modern-day Pakistan), and possibly northeast Africa 10,000-8000 years ago. From there, domesticated cattle spread across the continents of Africa, Asia, and Europe.

Cattle were one of the first mammals to be domesticated. They provide many useful products used for consumption (meat, milk, fat) and tool making (horns, hooves, hides). Additionally, their large size allowed them to pull heavy objects like plows for farming. Because of their importance, many religions and cultures considered cattle to be sacred. In Ancient Egypt, many of their gods had cattle forms, including Hathor, Ptah, Menthu, and Atum-Ra, Ancient Greeks often used cattle as sacrifices to the gods. Even today, Hindus do not eat cattle meat.

The Cheese

Finally, a cheeseburger would hardly be a cheeseburger without the cheese (which is made from milk). Although cow milk is the most popular source material today, cheese was originally made from goat or sheep milk. Cheesemaking began over 4,000 years ago, but how it started is unclear. Legend has it that it was an Arabian merchant who accidentally created the first cheese. He put his milk in a pouch made from a sheep’s stomach as he traversed across the desert. Sheep stomachs contain an enzyme called rennet, and when the milk chemically reacted to the enzyme and heat from the sun, it separated into curd and whey. The curd is what we commonly refer to as the cheese.

Although cheesemaking’s origins remain ambiguous, the Romans were the first to make cheesemaking a widespread industry. Aging and smoking cheese extends the product’s shelf-life, enabling Roman soldiers to carry this excellent source of protein with them. As they conquered the European continent, they spread their cheesemaking. At the height of the Roman empire, they were making and trading hundreds of different kinds of cheese. Only later during European colonization was cheese spread to the Americas and Asia.

The Cheeseburger

So what genius put it all together? None other than a 16-year-old named Lionel Sternberger. His father owned a sandwich shop, and one day in 1924, Lionel put a slice of American cheese on one of his father’s hamburgers. He called it a “cheese hamburger.” One decade later, a Kaelin’s restaurant in Louisville, Kentucky gave the sandwich the name “cheeseburger,” which was trademarked in 1935 by Louis Ballast of Humpty Dumpty Drive-In.

The End (of This Story of Deliciousness)

Who knew that there was so much behind a basic cheeseburger? From sheep stomach pouches to Babylonians, each played a role in creating the cheeseburger in your hands. Even Pittsburgh has some cheeseburger fame! Did you know that Jim Delligatti, who owned a restaurant in Uniontown PA, part of the Greater Pittsburgh Region, created the McDonald’s Big Mac in 1967?

Angela Wu is a Teen Volunteer in the Education Department. Museum employees, volunteers, and interns are encouraged to blog about their unique experiences and knowledge gained from working at the museum.

Sources:

The Big Mac turns 40, gets a museum. (2007, August 26). ABC News. Retrieved August 9, 2020, from https://abcnews.go.com/Business/story?id=3524528&page=1#:~:text=The%20Big%20Mac%20was%20first,staple%20of%20McDonald's%20menus%20nationwide.

Cooper, R. (2015, July). Re-discovering ancient wheat varieties as functional foods. ScienceDirect. Retrieved August 5, 2020, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2225411015000401

Cownie, E. (2018, August 27). Why cattle mattered in the Ancient World. Medium. Retrieved August 8, 2020, from https://medium.com/@emmafcownie/why-cattle-mattered-in-the-ancient-world-4e27b1c37e58

Hirst, K. (2019, July 9). Wheat Domestication. ThoughtCo. Retrieved August 6, 2020, from https://www.thoughtco.com/wheat-domestication-the-history-170669

History of Cheese. (2020, January 25). International Dairy Foods Association. Retrieved August 6, 2020, from https://www.idfa.org/history-of-cheese

Mitzewich, J. (2020, May 15). Who Invented the All-American Cheeseburger? The Spruce Eats. Retrieved August 7, 2020, from https://www.thespruceeats.com/birth-of-the-cheeseburger-101426

Pitt, D., Sevane, N., Nicolazzi, E. L., MacHugh, D. E., Park, S., Colli, L., Martinez, R., Bruford, M. W., & Orozco-terWengel, P. (2018). Domestication of cattle: Two or three events?. Evolutionary applications, 12(1), 123–136. https://doi.org/10.1111/eva.12674

Roberts, B. (2018, March 5). The Fascinating 7,500 Year History of Cheese. Forbes. Retrieved August 5, 2020, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/brianroberts/2018/03/05/the-history-of-cheese/#4807da304ca1

[70swizards]

marauders in a bakery

jamesiepoo:

would absolutely LOVE to work with dough

would make the biggest mess

tries to act like those italian chefs that spin the pizza dough, EVEN THO HES NOT MAKING PIZZA

refuses to clean after himself. what’s cleaning?

wears “kiss the cook” apron

“LILY YOU MUST RESPECT THE WORDS OF THE WISE APRON! now kiss the cook please”

gives you literal “helping his mum in the kitchen” vibes

listens to muggle music in the bakery and everyone is just so fed up bECAUSE HE HAS TO HAVE IT AT ITS HIGHEST VOLUME

initiates food fights

teaching baby hazza his recipes and lily walking in screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING- DONT CORRUPT THE CHILD” even though she’s looking at him with so much fondness

early morning pancake surprises

breakfast in bed for whoever he’s living with

DANCES AROUND THE KITCHEN WITH THE DRAMATIC ASS MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

edits recipes to make them so much better

glasses go all wonky and he’s got bits of food all over them after cooking

all the mess it worth it at the end bc the resukt is perfect

seerius blek:

his favourite part is dusting the pastries with powdered sugar

gets lily accidentally involved in food fights and ends up running for his life

“i’m the best cook!” *burns pasta water*

he uses box mixes for cakes and tells remus he made it from scratch, and after remus finds the box in the trash sirius just turns into a dog and goes “you wouldn’t hurt a poor innocent dog would you 🥺”

cries over james’ lava cake

COOKS WITH DOG FOOD

he does it as a prank and everyone else is just like wha t t h e f uc k is wrong with this man while he just eats the dog food happily

often gets banned from the bakery

HAIR IS ALWAYS TIED WITH HIS WAND AND THERE ARE THESE LITTLE STRANS THAT STAY OUT- he looks like a vogue model

leaves the dishes to “soak” so he can clean them later

never touches the dishes ever again

hazel said sirius loves jelly so sirius loves jelly and would force james into making it for him often

“IM NKT THE ONE MAKING A MESS HWRE- *YOURE* MAKINF A MESS OKAY”

“that’s NOT my hair in your food.”

sobs like a child when cutting onions

remmy the ratatouille:

“i’m literally not even a rat”

“I DONT CARE IF YOUT mEtHoD IS MORE FUN JAMES. THIS IS MORE EFFICIENT”

somehow makes the most food eith the least mess

it’s bc of this magical thing he does

it’s called cleaning after himself

“james i love you so much but get the fuck out i cant watch that, please i’m begging you”

*right after calling james out for being messy* *drops the bag of flour followed by fluent cursing*

“it seems to me that you’re the one making the mess rem”

usuallt says he doesn’t wanna help but when he sees someone doing something in a different way he’d go “can we please do it this way? like this- look” *does it himself, smiling*

was once reading before coming to the bakery so his glasses were up in his hair

while he was making cake batter, he looks down and the glasses just fall into the batter and he almsot cried because

“THIS IS THE FOURTH PAIR THIS MONTH IM GONNA FUCKING COMMIT A CRIME”

acts like he hates food fights but as soon as he gets hit- it’s over for everyone. to say the least, make sure you’ve booked a bed at the infirmary

will fucking throw you off the eiffel tower if you even think of tasting raw batter

ALWAYS. WASHING. HIS. HANDS.

never uses specific measurements

“i’ll just eye it”

mostly controls and monitors them

loves to make cinnamon rolls and sirius makes the icing

peter pan:

will knock everyhting down accidentally

pro taster, will immediately know what’s missing

bowl licker

he will eat everyhtunt thrown at him in a food fight BECAUSE DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON ME? HA YOU BITCH IM FONNA DESTROY YOH

when cleaning after himself, he turns the tap onto the highest setting and just splashes himself and everyhtunt arounf him

A TOTAL CLUTZ

cooking is his love language

ABSOLUTELY ADORES TO MAKE LITTLE FINGER FOODS WITH THE TOOTHPICKS ON TOP

LOVES to work with puff pastry

will literally make up recipes from scratch in class and give them to james to try

GETS SUPER MESSY AND HIS APRON ENDS UP BEING SOAKED IN BATTER

he picks at everyhtunt he’s making so he’ll start off with enough to serve 12 and end up with enough to serve 8

who listens to serving proportions anyways

CO M B I N ES A L L R E C IP E S

cooks or bakes when he’s bored

coukd litwrallt start a business

gets his mums cooking notes to show the marauders

refuses to use magic when cooking

lily flower:

washes EVERYTHING

if you’re working with fish, eggs, meat, chicken, or anything of the sort, she should supervise bc she doesn’t want you to make a mess with them.

proceeds to spray clorox everywhere

CAKE DECORATING G O D D E S S

will carry baby hazza in one hand and cook with the other

“leave my child out of this james, HE DOES WHATEVER SEEMS FUN TO HIM AND JT DOES NOT MAKE IT THE NEW RIGHT WAY”

owns a bakery with a little library on the side

peter is the co-owner

she never lets james cook dinner bc she does not appreciate the mess he leaves behind

but always let’s him cook bc she knows he loves it

helps james clean the kitchen but ends up becoming a make-out session with her sitting on the countertop and james standing in front of her

hazel thought of orange juice so lily loves orange juice 

makes harrys birthday cakes with james and lets baby hazza help in the tiniest ways

[miiishha]

hello,

here, have some random spn knowledge that will probably forever stay carved into my brain:

dean killed hitler

sam lost his shoe

jack likes nougat (and cocaine)

sam hit a dog

cas will just wait here then

it's funnier in enochian

cas' "people skills" are "rusty"

eileen got better

sam's hair is sacred

he who hesitates disintegrates

what's bi is bi

fight the fairies, you fight those fairies

sam's got genital herpies

dean's gonna need a bigger mouth

charlie was drunk, it was comic con

yesterday was tuesday, but today is tuesday too

it was night and now it's day

lucifer is a great big bag of dicks

cas learned that from the pizza man

nipples?

castiel is the one who gripped dean tight and raised him from perdition

dean is the meat man

chuck smote amara's mausseus

jack ate the thing

ruby, the demon sam was sexually intimate with

sam's favorite singer is celine dion

god bless kale, am i right?

cas is dean's huckleberry

jack doesn't sleep much

cas doesn't sleep at all

the rise of dick

this is a light stick

cas doesn't get words wrong

why'd bobby have to use tongue

at least cas doesn't look like a lumberjack

the apocalypse wasn't sam's fault (he was just high)

dean winchester is saved

accidents don't just happen accidentally

misha, he's been stabbed to death (where? WHERE?)

c a s. l o v e s. d e a n.

but most importantly, dean killed hitler

[lovemesomesurveys]

do you sing in the shower? Yeah, I have a shower playlist on my Spotify I sing along to.

do you think money makes people happy? It certainly helps, sure, but you can still be unhappy and unfulfilled. It’s not everything.

what's your relationship status? Very much single.

what time is it? 3:29AM.

what emotion are you feeling right now? Tired and irritated.

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? Once.

coffee or tea? Coffee, of course. 

shower or bath? Shower.

what's your favorite pizza topping? Extra cheese and sauce, spinach, cilantro, green onion, garlic. 

what's something that makes you happy? Beach days.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have two brothers.

what's your favorite instrument? Piano.

what's your favorite food? Italian, Mexican, and American.

what is something you are always losing? My mind, probably. <<< That’s how I feel.

are you good at spelling? I think so.

what is one goal you have? Get my health stuff under control.

did you get a flu shot this year? No. I never have.

what's your favorite Disney movie? A few of my top favorites are Alice in Wonderland, Winnie the Pooh, Toy Story and A Goofy Movie.

are you bored? No.

what are you listening to? An ASMR video. what's your favorite foreign language? Spanish.

what do you do when you can't sleep? My nightly routine consisting of scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR.

do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs.

do you have any piercings? Just my earlobes.

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes, spinach, green onions, broccoli. do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's the best concert you've ever been to? All of ‘em. Concerts are just a fun, cool experience.

what's your favorite season? Fall and winter.

do you still write letters? No.

what would make you really happy right now? If I was able to have beach vacay.

what's your favorite song? I have a lot.

are you good at giving advice? I wouldn’t recommend asking me for advice; I’m a mess.

what's your favorite hobby? Reading and doing surveys.

do you prefer to talk or text? Text over talking on the phone.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? My Adidas.

how often do you read? (as in books) I read a lot. I finish one and start another. There’s a few different series I’ve been into that’s been keeping me occupied.

do you have any pets? I have a doggo.

what's your favorite day of the week? I don’t have one.

are you in college? No, I’m done with school.

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? No.

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify.

do you like going to the beach? I love the beach.

did you make any new year's resolutions? No, I stopped doing that years ago.

how old are you? 31 years old.

do you know anyone who is blind? No.

who is someone you admire? My mom.

do you have a good singing voice? No, unfortunately. 

are your nails painted? Nope. It’s been a few years since I’ve painted them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m definitely an introvert. 

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I don’t know, yet.

do you ever write in a journal? This is my journal/diary.

if you could time travel when/where would you go? My childhood. what's your favorite animal? Doggos and giraffes.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? The sugary ones.

how was your day? It’s only 4 in the morning. 

do you ever listen to classical music? Not often or regularly, no.

what inspires you? I haven’t felt inspired in a very long time.

how many pillows do you sleep with? Finally had to pack away a lot of them cause they were just taking up too much space. I currently have 4 on my bed, but prior I had like 10. I only actually use 2.

how many hours of sleep do you need? I never have enough.

do you have big or small feet? Small.

what's the weather like where you are? Miserably hot.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? It’s pitch black out right now. 

does/did your high school have a school song? Yeah.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? I don’t have one. :/

are you excited for summer? Noooooo. D:

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? Hmm. I’d have to really think about that.

did you have to go to school today? No, I’m done with school.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything again, obviously. <<<

do you throw coins into fountains? Sometimes.

do you have a trampoline? No.

what's your favorite song lyric? I have many.

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Popcorn and mini KitKats. 

do you ever measure time in songs? When listening to music I sometimes do that. Like, when in the shower I measure how long to leave my shampoo in my hair that way.

do you know how to play chess? Nope.

what's your favorite game? (any type) Mario Bros, The Sims, various board games..

do you enjoy traveling? I don’t get the opportunity to do a lot of it, but yes.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? Yes.

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yeah.

how do you relieve stress? Cry.

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? 82F.

now look it up - how close were you? Ha, I guessed way too high it’s only 52. It’s been getting really warm in the mornings so I assumed it was already high.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digital.

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I’ve been doing a lot of online shopping the past few years even pre-COVID, but since COVID that’s all I’ve done until just recently as I’ve started to venture out to places like Target and Walmart. I haven’t gone to any clothing stores or any other store, yet, but I’m working towards it. Anyway, all that being said I do enjoy shopping online, but it’s nice to get out there and shop once in awhile. It’s definitely more comfortable and convenient for me right now, though.

do you enjoy coloring? I love my adult coloring books. <<<

do you like to dance? I don’t really dance.

have you ever owned a horse? No.

do you take selfies? Rarely. I did for the first time in a long time recently at my bro’s grad party.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but sometimes.

have you ever cried from listening to a song? Oh, definitely.

what's your favorite song from a movie? I have several favorites. 

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds.

who was your favorite music artist when you were 10? Britney Spears, N*SYNC, Backstreet Boys, etc. <<<

when was the last time you had to go to the dentist? It’s been a few years.

can you speak Spanish? Very little.

what's the last thing you watched on youtube? I’m currently watching an ASMR video.

now what time is it? 6:09AM. I clearly took a break. Well, actually I feel asleep.

do you ever watch musicals? Yeah, some.

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeah.

do you ever get carsick? Yes.

what's your opinion on wolves? They’re gorgeous, but I wouldn’t want to be near one.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? I go for the sad.

do you like seafood? Nooo.

do you enjoy going to the zoo? I enjoy seeing zoo animals, but I hate that they’re in captivity like that. <<<

are there any celebrities from your hometown? Yes.

do you shower in the morning or at night? At night.

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<<

who is someone you're jealous of? No one.

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? IHOP, Denny’s, and this local place.

do you still have your christmas tree up? Ha, no. And I actually have the decorations in my room put away as well, which prior to this year I had up for two years. 

do you have a favorite type of bird? No.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? No.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis I don’t feel like checking.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? *shrug* I might.

how much money is in your wallet right now? Not sure, exactly.

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? No.

have you ever auditioned for anything? Nope.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? I have no idea.

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? No. 

when was the last time you rode a bus? Back when I was still in college, so 6 years ago.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? If no one was around, I’d pick it up and keep it. If it was in a wallet, I’d turn it in. <<< That’s what I would do.

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? No. 

are you an early bird or a night owl? Both, really. Here I am at 6:17AM basically up all night. I dozed off for a bit, but still.

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? Yes.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Not that I know of.

what was the most memorable rainbow you've ever seen? (if any) Uhh.

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? Just spotty preschool memories.

do you need to do laundry? No.

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? Ew, definitely not me.

do you have a favorite poem? No. I haven’t read a whole lot of poetry.

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? Uh, no. There’s absolutely nothing to do here. We’re not a vacation/touristy city.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? Ooh, probably Boxlunch.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? I’m not listening to a song at the moment.

what are you wearing right now? Leggings and a Mario Bros shirt.

any fun plans for the weekend? Nope.

[earnmysong]

Tag Game!

the brilliant @beth-is-rainpaint asked that i expound on the following. if you’d enjoy doing so as well, by all means!

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? a very boring tan wood with black bristles

2. a food you never eat: coconut; i adore the smell and i’m okay with the flavor. the texture to me, though, is veryyyyy reminiscent of fingernails. not that i eat fingernails... 

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? i would rather have icicles on my eyelashes than be anything close to sweating. so too warm, i guess?  

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? picking up my mobile order @ starbucks

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? hershey’s cookies and cream

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? yep! a great many new york mets games, the best of which was the world series game @ citi field on halloween of 2015. it was my first year teaching, and i said if my boys made it all the way that it would be a good omen for my career so getting tickets was definitely a must!

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? ‘ooooh nice’ - upon hearing ‘there’s no way’ on sirius xm on my way home

8. what is your favourite ice cream? rocky road

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? a chai latte from starbucks

10. do you like your wallet? sure! it’s one of those vera bradley rectangular keychain deals, and it has pink fish all over it.

11. what is the last thing you ate? a blueberry pop-tart

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? indeed; i finally bought a no doubt tee, and some holiday leggings from old navy

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? the voice counts, right? :D

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? boom chicka pop’s sweet and salty kettle corn is a gift to humanity

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? one of my coworkers, as we were putting together a review of the nitrogen and carbon cycles for our kids tomorrow

16. ever been camping? my backyard excursion as a youngster didn’t last the whole night, and when i went to camp for a summer? it decided to lightning every single time we attempted

17. do you take vitamins? should i, given my physical state? most definitely, of course! do i? nope, have you met me?

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? yes. now it’s mostly virtual, but it actually helps my anxiety immensely!

19. do you have a tan? absolutely, 100% negatory

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? chinese, alwayssssss

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? i drink everything through a straw, even hot lattes where the label says ‘not recommended for hot beverages’. if i die of cancer, we know why...

22. what color socks do you usually wear? my favorite socks are a pack of fortune cookies and a pack of ‘donut worry’ donuts, both from forever 21

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? i don’t drive a car, and my wheelchair goes 3 miles/hr max. so, nope. 

24. what terrifies you? clowns, lightning, drowning, choking ahahaha

25. look to your left, what do you see? my signed ingrid michaelson posted from the ‘songs for the season’ tour!

26. what chore do you hate most? n/a

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? heath ledger! RIP, sir. how can it be thirteen years in january?

28. what’s your favorite soda? vanilla coke

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive-thru all the way

30. what’s your favorite number? seven

31. who’s the last person you talked to? my mom

32. favorite meat? chicken nuggets

33. last song you listened to? ‘happy anywhere’ by blake shelton ft. gwen stefani; i still can’t believe i immensely enjoy it; i’d sworn off all of their duets; as a lifelong no doubt/gwen fan, their relationship still doesn’t compute; I’M HAPPY THEY’RE HAPPY, THOUGH

34. last book you read? dash + lily’s book of dares; i wanted to see how the novel compared to the show

35. favorite day of the week? definitely friday! i adore my job, but knowing a recharge is around the corner is a sweet sweet feeling 

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? if i had the desire to attempt, i bet i could

37. how do you like your coffee? at home? with cinnamon toast crunch coffee-mate; out and about? a chai latte, not coffee, is usually my go-to

38. favorite pair of shoes? for someone that can’t walk, i have tons of shoes! out of all of them, my most interesting fashion statements are the women of marvel vans and millie bobby brown’s orca converse high tops

39. time you normally get up? pre-covid? 5 am; currently, in my tele-working glory? 7am

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets, because my brain always goes ‘the sun has gone to bed and so must i’

41. how many blankets on your bed? four

42. describe your kitchen plates. white china middle with colored fruits around the rim

43. describe your kitchen at the moment. decorated with all manner of thanksgiving cards from friends and family

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i don’t indulge regularly but, when i do, i enjoy a dark and stormy or a sex on the beach

45. do you play cards? my dad and i played a bunch of euchre this summer

46. what color is your car? my wheelchair is purple and my accessible van is blue with a white stripe down the side

47. can you change a tire? not on your life

48. your favorite state or province? i may live in virginia, but my heart will always belong to new york (city)!

49. favorite job you’ve had? my current one is pretty great! i’m an itinerant ESOL/SPED and i love my kiddos with my entire being!