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grumpyoldsnake · 2 years ago

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Liveblog: Sword of Destiny by Andrzej Sapkowski

Context: I caught bits and pieces of several scattered episodes of the Netflix Witcher series while at my parent’s place, and have had my curiosity piqued! I’ve already read The Last Wish since then; you can find my thoughts here.

Further context: I don’t actually know anything about storytelling techniques. High school English classes were a long time ago, hah. But… I am currently actively trying to learn via observation. So! A lot of my comments are going to be on that topic: what I’m seeing, why I think it’s been done that way, how well I think it’s working, etc

Disclaimer: Names might be misspelled, and most quotes will be paraphrased. I’m reading via audiobook at work. That said… there should be a bit more cohesion this time, since I’ve decided to actively comment as I go rather than dump all the thoughts I’ve had after already getting 2/3rds of the way through the book, hah.

The Bounds of Reason

Getting a bit more insight into how Geralt generally expects to be treated (badly) and how he responds to a random friendly overture (positively), which is neat!

Sapkowski continues to write about women in ways that make me wince. Is it the end of the world? No. Is it rife within fiction? Yes. Do I have to appreciate it? Also no. Am I going to largely ignore it because it isn't a conversation I'm interested in carrying, and has been carried out much better by other folk? Also yes.

Oh hey! This is a storyline from an episode that I did catch snatches of. Wasn’t paying the closest attention though, not sure how well I followed the plot. The one guy is the gold dragon, and Yennefer wants her own biological baby? And everyone is very upset and argumentative at the end.

Good grief, what the hell did Geralt do to Yennefer? They seemed to be on genuinely positive terms at the end of The Last Wish, even if in the framing narrative (Voice of Reason) it was pretty clear they weren’t anymore… guess I was just expecting to see the cause of the falling out more directly than this?

Unless I genuinely did just miss it because it was a sentence or two of “and after they were very sweet and Yennefer claimed to be touched, Geralt snuck off in the night without a word,” in which case. Mm. Well. There are drawbacks to reading via audiobook while at work, and brief lapses of attention when something that major is written that briefly is one of the biggest. :’)

If that is it, then good grief their positive interactions did not last long. 😂

Anyway!

…oh okay yeah we’re still somewhat touching on the theme of Geralt’s social life and the lack thereof.

Geralt’s here like ‘yeah half of them don’t like me, but at least they interact with me normally about it, so yes, I’m sticking around’ and that’s just. Oof. :(

Let’s see… Nenneke, Jaskier, those are both positive relationships, even if Nenneke fusses and annoys Geralt. He seemed pretty friendly with the Alderman in Blaviken but, well, that went down in flames. He calls Vesemir his father. He may or may not have kept in touch with that Not!Beauty and the Beast guy. Yennefer is complicated. That’s… about all we know of, so far?

And look, having only a few friendships isn’t necessarily a bad thing when those relationships are strong.

But it is pretty rough when nearly every other interaction in your life is fraught with tension and when you don’t so much as see those friends for semi-long stretches of time. :/

And then obvs. the hostility of the world is upsetting in its own right as well

Holy fuck. Uh. Yennefer does definitely have opinions about childbearing, doesn’t she. >_>; Ma’am you are… a bit tangled up inside.

I still… hm. I still don’t always quite follow Geralt’s reasoning, I’ll be perfectly honest. And not in the ‘why do you feel like this’ way that I grumbled about with Yennefer, that’s a perfectly common experience for me, but a rather more literal ‘genuinely what the fuck is motivating this I haven’t the faintest idea.’

Not sure if it’s a reading comprehension issue on my part… maybe I’ve just gotten too used to books that are a little more inside their POV character’s head?

Or it could be a translation issue with some nuances lost.

Or it could genuinely be an issue with & shortcoming of the writing. Idk.

Anyway in this case… why in the world was Geralt gearing up to go fight the dragon?

He’s spent the entire past book and the beginning of this book insisting that he doesn’t hunt dragons. He turned Yennefer down. Even if he hadn’t, he vaguely agreed with Dandelion’s request to try not to kill the dragon, so… that’s not going to get Yennefer what she wants? What is he hoping to accomplish?

Seriously I am lost. He says it’s because there are “limits to the possibilities I will accept” (murdered that paraphrasing but listen you know what I mean) and I’m just. What the fuck is that supposed to mean in this context???

Truly if any of you have thoughts I would be happy to hear them, hah

…ah. Well. That degenerated quickly 😂

Dandelion is an ass

…baby dragon is adorable <3

…Yennefer has both decided against dragon slaughter after all, and somewhat forgiven Geralt, and I don’t know the cause for either change of heart :’D

Well okay no she did seem touched by baby dragon. That bit makes sense. Still not sure abt Geralt though.

Much friendlier parting terms than I expected! That must have been a plotline invented for the show, or at least accelerated and included earlier than it might otherwise have been.

…wow okay I’m a lot more longwinded this way. Maybe I’ll. Uh. Split this book up by arc. 😂

Next part to be posted whenever I find the time!

#these aren’t being posted in real time btw. I’ve read and taken notes pretty far in advance before ever getting around to posting ahah #the witcher #the witcher liveblog #the witcher liveblog (books)#the witcher (books)#andrzej sapkowski #sword of destiny #sword of destiny liveblog #the bounds of reason #liveblog #liveblogging #life flails #my stuff

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benefits1986 · 4 months ago

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Good Grief

Is there such a thing as good grief, really?

Apart from Hello Kitty and Archie Comics, my nonchalant mother dragon loved Charlie Brown. She even got me a cassette tape that's an audiobook in today's world about the adventures of Charlie Brown and his friends. I find it funny because she really has her way of getting into me. I asked her why she didn't get me a "real" toy. In her true fashion, she looked at me and dropped her mic. She said that toys are flashy things and that books are the way to go. She proceeded with reminding me to tune in and observe how the conversations between Charlie Brown and his buddies pan out.

I guess I was five years old, then? I'm shaking my head in real life, right now. Ahhh. Mom. You. Are. Adamantium. Side Note: Palakpak tenga na naman nanay kong OG ng mga OG sa kabilang ibayo neto. LEKAT. Her RBF is smirking and her beady eyes are glimmering. LUHHH.

"Good grief" is Charlie Brown's favorite line. I didn't get it then and stumbling upon it in this era is very curious. Bots shared that the first time "Good grief" was mentioned in print dates back to 1952. Mom's birth year is 1953. Damn. This makes this "stumbled upon" bit even more interesting.

When is grief good?

As I try to come in peace amidst the chaos in the name of my probinsiyana lifegoals, let's get deep and dark.

Grief is something I shut down for 12 years. Crazy, I know. Grief is not something I was prepared for. As I shared previously, my stress language is delulu solulu fixer mode. I thought that when I gave into grieving, I actually flushed myself down the drain. Why so? For eight years, I also shut down my emotions, 99.9% of the time. I felt that it's easier and less risky to appear strong since my family is pretty much in shambles. It's not even about ego, looking back. It's all about choosing the higher and mightier ground doused with very immature choices. This boils down to a lived experience that I didn't see coming at all.

Case in point ng .9% ng emotional shitshow ko: Iiyak ako 'pag naglilinis ng banyo. Why? Malakas 'yung tunog ng tubig sa gripo 'di ba? Tapos syempre, ako lang mag-isa sa banyo. O kaya naman, my go-to Eiga Sai or Cinemalaya or whatever movie na talaga namang may "excuse" umiyak kasi 'di talaga ako makaiyak. Tapos 'yung iyak ko pa, madalas walang tunog pero 'pag meron na, taccaaa. 4D siya, mhie. Sobrang rare niyan kasi nga we the the bitches on the bus mode ako e. Parang mas gusto ko na lang mamatay kesa umiyak at tumawa. Ang lala na naman ng red flag na 'to. But, yeah. Shitshow 10000000x tayo diyan. Tabi. Side Note: Akala ng mga tao, independent XX ako or queer person saka cultured kunong kulugo. Nakakatawa talaga kasi ang totoo, bobo ako sa emotional eme. 'Yun lang talaga siya. 'Pag may gusto akong i-unlock na emotion, either linis 'yan (e 'di naman ako mahilig maglinis bilang mess is best) or film na akala mo kung anong gusto patunayan sa mundo.

I don't know if it's about being the firstborn. Heck. I don't even know if it's about being mom's go-to child when she has an SOS. I don't even see it as being the protector of my vulnerable home, then.

What I see today is that I'm but stubborn. I like resolving conflicts especially when my connections and my relationship are at stake. That's it. And I also like getting things my way, be it a highway to hell or a stairway to heaven. I just want to do it because not doing it will mean that I'm useless. Perhaps it has to do with my love language which are time and service. Not even sure if those are accurate, but hey, this is my space.

What I see today is that I'm but this kid who tried her best to choose the road less taken. It wasn't easy. It wasn't ideal. But it sure is very real, and very life-changing. It might have been fucked up to the point that I had to be in the darkroom for 12 years. But hey, we're here now. EEEEEE, 2ne1. CHOZ.

Good grief is here and now. My intuition tells me that it's time for me and dad to really heal together. Honestly, the only reason I've been looking after my dad is because mom made sure I get this shit done. There's no benefit for me... then. There's no sentimental vibe that goes with it, let alone an emotional one. See? I'm super transactional. Funny how a number of people think that I'm a daddy's girl. YUCK. I still feel like barfing when I hear this. However, when I saw my dad fucked up when we had to help my ina get her well-deserved final bow back in Q1 2023, the paradigm shift took over. It wasn't easy to go beyond transactions because I had the upper hand. I experienced how to bring a mom to the other side seamlessly. And, remember? I shared that I had this thing when I know that dad will go through this and that I don't wish this grief to engulf him a la Dementor's Kiss. Though I am transactional, I am but semi-heartless.

These days, dad and I are evolving into a duo. OPAK. Para kaming Tatay Kong Pakitong-kitong pero hindi masyadong misogynist na on track pagiging progressive and wait for it... pumo-postmodern and kinda queer appreciation classes for him. Pero syempre, as a dad, gusto pa rin niya talaga ng apo sa ngalan ng pagiging only daughter niya. TACCCAAA. Ibang usapan na 'yan because my time is up soon. Manifesting menopause era this 2024 talaga para tapos na. Walang ng mintis sa gusto ko. Hahahahaha. Para super sure just in case, alam mo naman... Abangan!

Grief and losing a mom.

That pain? It's super out of this world. It seeps inside and wreaks havoc silently. It kills you even when you know you're still breathing and waking up. That pain? It's super unfathomable even when you have a penchant for knitting words creatively. It's numbing and piercing at the same time. It's like breathing without living. It's like having a tabula rasa even when all you want to do is hang onto to all the non-tabula rasa in the universe you shared with your loved one. It's a surrender that you know should be done, but you are human. You are but human, after all.

It's probably my first time to have this "prime" lens out and about. OPAK. Sino ka diyan? True ba? Or baka mood swing lang na naman 'to? LOL. Abangan.

Where's the good in grief?

It's when you allow that grief to take over your very flawed existence. it's when you share your horrible and very graphic stories to people who matter. It's when you choose to let people in no matter how fucked up your trust issues are. It's when you choose hope amidst all the hurt and the voices inside your head. It's when you cut the noise inside you not because you are shutting down your emotions. It's pretty much about allowing the darkroom to take its course and process your lights and shadows. LUH.

I can go on and on, but, let this be a reminder that good grief is about moving forward, and choosing to live especially when choosing to die is super inviting. Hahahaha. Eto na naman po. Ang aga. Choosing to live when you've had grief from losing the best connection in your existence is an avalanche. Choosing not to die is a small win and a constant struggle. Always. Sometimes. Never never, too. Ahhhh. But, yeah! Let's see. Let it be. PS1: Siguro kaka-AI shizzzummzzzz lang 'to sa ngalan ng overactive imagination ko na feel na feel ko na eto na nga ang HER era. Tapos 'yung color grading sa utak ko, as in mala Joaquin Phoenix tapos ano... hahahaha. Tapos sana voice ko malapit man lang kay Scarlett to the tune of... probinsiyana goals super on track. Simple lang ang buhay, sabi nga ng ina ko. Pati ng nanay kong dragon, so try nating simplehan.

Naluha talaga ako nung may progress na-share sa akin in line with this 2024 probinsiyana paganaps. Iba talaga 'pag pangarap mo talaga na 'di bound ng mga shitshow ng social constructs. Iba 'pag natupad 'yung mga nasa journal mo or ano mang alternative nito like 'yung OSY (out of school youth) delulu era ko. 'Yung galak tumatagos. The why and why not are fucking aligned, finallllyyyy, babyyyy!

Dad said nga na H1 2024 happened to fucking push me out my status quo and para sa lifegoal ko. Galing noh? It's graphic, horrific, and fantastic. One for the books din naman. Iba rin.

PS2: Eto 'yung post na ang gaan ng kaibuturan ko after ma-ire. It's above beyond my buttery keyboard, which is super rare. Siguro, eto na nga 'yun. Sana. And for whatever it's worth, just in case may ma-stumble upon 'to, maka-help din kahit unti lang kasi grief ain't a topic that's talked about talaga. And sana, magkaroon din ng discourses about this na outside peer-reviewed journals. Brene Brown, pray for us. Santa Ajumma Beyonce and Blessed Chapell, pray for us. Saints 2ne1 in JP, ilapag mo na me. Hahahahahaha.

PS3: Super looooveeee talaga kasi may not 1 but 2 chances of winning the lottery na meeee sa JP concert ng 2ne1. How? Sobrang love ko travel buddy ko na one of the connections niya right inside JP, nag-offer sa akin. Hahahaahah. Plus scalper mode is on since hustlers naman sa mga concerts 'tong hood na 'to. Hay. Alssssssooo, I scored a legit vintage shirt na first concert nila online. OWEEEEM. So, talagang hahanapin ko 'yung last lightstick nila sa JP na lang bilang sobrang taas na lalo at agawang-buko na dito sa Pinas. Let's grind, bibiiiiiii.

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sneakysmediacorner · 7 months ago

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WOW i had no idea there were SO MANY dune books. the audiobook folder i downloaded only contains the first 6 books that i understand had been fully written by the original author... i don't know if i'm up to the challenge of even those first six, but i'll give book 2 a chance now that i've finished book 1. some thoughts below:

first of all, i have to make a note of how the phrase "tried to swallow in a dry throat" showed up two or three times more after my last post, lmao. i'm genuinely wondering if herbert intentionally reused it so much or if he thought it wouldn't be so noticeable.

i find it interesting how much of the novel concerns itself with emotion, supressing emotion and mastering over your instinctual/emotional impulses in order to take the "logical" course of action. the test which opens the book defines humanity as the ability to accept short-term suffering for the sake of long-term benefit, and specifically the ability to withstand pain, to master your body's instinctual reactions... and this ability is the most prominent trait of both paul and jessica, who both come across as emotionally repressed to the extreme - or maybe it would be more accurate to say they are able to repress or release their emotions at will, putting their grief off for a more convenient time. i suppose this mastery of mind over body gels with the way baron harkonnen's flesh is consistently emphasised. when alia meets him she comments on his body being growing so much it is unable to bear its own weight any longer, which in this framework would be - well, not really a mastery of body over the mind, but rather a perversion of the body's function? it goes without saying of course that this usage of fatness as shorthand for self-destructive lack of self-control is extremely fatphobic and harmful

but i suppose my biggest frustration while listening was that no theme really carried through the entirety of the narrative. this "mind vs body" dualism certainly rears its head a lot when it comes to various characters, but it's not really expanded or elaborated on enough to make any concrete statement or observation. The same can be said for the way herbert stresses the importance of envinvironment - the concept of "desert power" is obviously a crucial plotpoint, and there IS a very compelling statement being made about how underestimating groups who live in extremely difficult conditions on the basis that "they cannot have achieved anything noteworthy in these circumstances" is a foolish thing to do. the point is very well made when non-fremen groups are routinely overwhelmed by fremen technology, stategy and battle prowess, but again - this isn't really developed in the book past that initial subversion of expectations.

the treatment of fremen is a mixed bag for me in general. on one hand, they give off an air moral purity or at least nobility, with their ironclad codes of honour and the claim that rape supposedly isn't a thing in their society?? (i'm not sure how much the reader is intended to take this at face value and how much it's just supposed to be stilgar making a vague statement to ease jessica's mind). but on the other hand, they're shown to be violent and proud beyond reason, and it takes paul's rousing speech to make them give up on an ancient custom that would be incredibly pointless and self-injurious in the given situation. i wonder if this was meant to show the fremen in a balanced way, as a society with its own faults and benefits, but to me at least, it lacks depth and just comes across as two different stereotypes at once*. i think i would have been more convinced if we got to know any individual fremen more extensively and got a feel for how they think, why they act the way they do. none of the fremen characters really get much of an internal life - if i remember correctly, the most we get is a brief look into chani's POV.

this is a complaint i have with most of the characters though, even paul and jessica, whose inner lives are explored the most. those two are simply so logic-driven that their choices reveal very little about who they are as individual people. paul especially is an odd main character. so much of his person seems to be meant as a look into how a long-foretold messiah would function on the personal level, but he is so focused on his goals that, really, he isn't much more than the messiah mask. the pretty huge timeskip in the middle of the narrative doesn't help - he falls in love, has a child and rises to fame and power off-screen, when those experiences, had they been shown on paper instead of told in retrospect, could have been a much-needed glimpse into the emotional, human side of him. his love for chani feels particularly unconvincing, given that it seems to be founded entirely in visions of the future where they are together.

one more thing about the emotionless, perfect beni gesserit logic that drives paul and jessica - it's that well-known writer's dilemma having to convince your audience that a character is very, very, very very smart. this intelligence (in all the smart characters, not just paul and jessica) often manifests itself in a character picking up on the subtle implications of another's speech. i'm not just talking about the intonation and inflection of voice - here, herbert has an easy time because it's very easy to just write that someone's voice betrayed hesitation only to the finely trained ear - but of characters picking up on each others' phrasing, omission, the inclusion or lack of titles, formalities and so on. this is a bit more tricky - the readers are given the same information as the characters, so we the readers are able to directly judge the accuracy of the characters' judgements. i do think herbert does a good job of writing these subtle dialogues and actually including these hints of meaning, but i can't say it was totally convincing a hundred percent of the time. there were definitely conversations where i ended up thinking jessica or paul or whoever was making a huge reach in reading into the way something was phrased.

i'm very intrigued by the scene herbert chooses to end book one with - that of jessica affirming her and chani's importance despite their official titles as concubines. this was always a prominent part of jessica's character, but it didn't feature much outside of her private thoughts - but the choice to end on it implies that it's an important theme. i have to say though, i can't really see how it would connect to the story at large. but i am intrigued.

i also love the writing by princess irulon beginnning every chapter. a few chapters in and you realise that this woman must have written dozens of books at least - it feels like she must have written a book about muad'dib for every stage of education! it serves to build up the anticipation with regards to paul's growing legend of course, but it also makes you curious about this princess who doesn't show up until well towards the end of the book - only to find out that this prolific outpouring of writing stems from her being privately abandoned by paul. another big point in favour of the final scene.

all in all, i think the worldbuilding of arrakis and the way it's slowly revealed - the worm riders, the fremen plan to change their planet and the social customs resulting from water scarcity - is dune's strongest suit, though the epic political conflict is also pretty interesting. i'm compelled in principle by the story of paul the muad'dib, by his rise to power and by the tension between his identity as an individual and his ever-expanding legend, but this plot thread doesn't really deliver on its own premise.

*this isn't even getting into the loaded way herbert uses arabic or vaguely arabic or arabic-adjacent phrases and aesthetics. the use of "jihad" rings as particularly problematic in light of how american and world politics developed decades after herbert's death

#dune #frank herbert #phew!

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barzugolte290086 · 6 years ago

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A Grief Observed Audiobook

Get now >> A Grief Observed Audiobook Download In Here

#A Grief Observed Audiobook #A Grief Observed

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senadimell · 3 years ago

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End of The Year Reading Tag

@brightbeautifulthings Thanks for the tag, lovely!

1) Did you reach your reading goal for this year (if you had one)? I read for pleasure and don’t keep specific goals, but I definitely read more this year than last year. That makes me happy, as it indicates I’ve been in a much better headspace.

2) What are your Top 3 books this year? Ooh, tough. Probably Claire Adam’s Golden Child, Madeleine L’Engle’s A Circle of Quiet, and C. S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed (Goodness, has it really only been a year?). The latter two were personally meaningful, and the first was just an excellent novel, if wrenching.

3) What's a book that you didn't expect to enjoy quite as much going in? I read ASAN’s Welcome to the Autistic Community and really appreciated the vocabulary it gave me. (Available for free download here)

4) Were there any books that didn't live up to your expectations? Jingo, by Terry Pratchett, was a bit of a let-down after Feet of Clay. Parts of it felt rather tone-deaf and some of the humor aged poorly. Still, it was generally good and it had its moments.

5) Did you reread any old faves? If so, which one was your favorite? Oh, many. I always love Madeleine L’Engle’s books, and the Time Quartet hit differently after being diagnosed with ADHD.

6) Did you DNF (=did not finish) any books? I ended up dropping On Earth We Are Briefly Gorgeous to focus on school. The prose was lovely but I had renewed it many times and not made much progress. Same thing happened with Yiyun Li’s Where Reasons End. They’re both lovely books, and quite short, but I didn’t have the processing capacity to give them the attention they deserved. I started Six Days of War, but realized I didn’t have the historical framework to absorb such a comprehensive text.

7) Did you read any books outside of your usual preferred genre(s)? I sought out a lot more nonfiction this year than I have in years past. I recommend Caitlyn Doughty’s Smoke Gets in Your Eyes & Other Lessons from the Crematory, Amy Butler Greenfield’s A Perfect Red, and Heda Margolius Kovály’s memoir Under a Cruel Star.

My preferred strategy for books is walking around the library until I have an armful of books, so I’m not usually particular about genre, though now that I describe it, I realize that I avoid genre mystery/thrillers (the kind with big author lettering), genre romances, and sci-fi (though I’m not averse to sci-fi). If I’m reading one of those, it’s usually as a favor to someone. I did read a few books to please family members, and I didn’t enjoy those much. (Two Ender books for a brother, a romance for my mom, and a spy-romance for my mom).

8) What was your predominant format this year? Physically checked-out library books

9) What's the longest book you read this year? I’m going to cheat a little on this one, since none of my 2021 books stand out in the length department, and use a 2022 book: Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, at 302k or roughly 800 pages (not sure if that includes the footnotes). It felt...very long. This was my third attempt at finishing it, and I managed by skipping most of the footnotes. It was generally enjoyable, though I think I would have enjoyed it far more as an audiobook (and if I had been at a humid sea level instead of a dry 10,000 ft. sick with what I think is COVID).

10) What are your top 3 anticipated 2022 releases? I’m not actually anticipating any releases! I don’t actively follow many authors, and don’t have my finger on the pulse of the publishing industry. You might call me a recovering reader; I read voraciously as a child, burned out in high school (while aging out of the YA genre), and am in the process of rediscovering what I care about.

11) What books from your TBR did you not get to this year, but are excited to read in 2022? I would like to read Brandon Sanderson’s Rhythm of War (have been waiting on my library to get a copy). Some of my Tumblr mutuals are pretty head-over-heels about The Queen’s Thief, so that’s been on my mind. I’m also considering reading The Scarlet Pimpernel.

I don’t follow many people in the booklr community from which this ask originates, and I know from my own experience that reading is extra hard in COVID-times, so I’m a little hesitant to tag people. But I know @frederick-the-great is an avid reader, and @praise-the-lord-im-dead writes and so may be reading, and I want to hear if @ladyzayinwonderland has read anything fun (but no pressure, because...moving). @urupotter and @ashesandhackles if you’ve read anything interesting this year, I’d love to hear it (this is the main blog for For the Love of Snorkacks). I’d love to hear from any of my other mutuals if you want to answer!

#asks #brightbeautifulthings #thanks for the ask!#books

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rustandruin · 3 years ago

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Tristan Strong Punches A Hole In the Sky

Kwame Mbalia

April 2022

I feel like I wanted to like this more than I ended up liking it. Which is not a knock on the book, but more of a general observation of my headspace while trying to read along while also listening to the audiobook.

Having read (and loved) the Aru Shah series and the original Percy Jackson books, I was really excited to move onto the next series within the Rick Riordan Presents banner. But while I appreciated the folklore that went into the world and character building as well as some of the plot developments in the story, I found myself a bit frustrated with how inaccessible the “mythological” element of the book felt at times, especially coming into this with much less prior knowledge beyond an awareness of Anansi and some of the stories around him.

While I do not always advocate for people to have to explain certain cultural elements within a story, I do think some consideration should be given to the fact that this particular series has to do with preserving and celebrating older stories and folktales. Especially when the book doesn’t really relay the original stories alongside how Mbalia is approaching them like PJO or the Aru Shah books did. Instead, I wound up looking things up as I read, and I had to try and avoid spoilers from the wiki.

That’s okay though. It was still an enjoyable read and it was good encountering a character dealing with their anger and grief. I think more kids need to read stuff like this and I look forward to the next book.

#rust and ruin reads #Tristan strong punches a hole in the sky #Kwame Mbalia #book stuff

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ladyherenya · 3 years ago

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This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood.

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely -- I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed.

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage. Another solid murder mystery. The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases: My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells: Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

#Herenya reviews books

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librarycomic · 5 years ago

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Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. Unabridged, read by Gladwell. 8 hours 42 minutes. Hachette Audio. 9781549150333. http://www.powells.com/book/-9781549150333?partnerid=34778&p_bt

It was this conversation between Gladwell and It's Been A Minute (podcast) host Sam Sanders that got me to try this book, even though audiobooks aren't really my thing. http://www.npr.org/2019/09/16/761277894/best-selling-author-malcolm-gladwell-on-talking-to-strangers-a-live-conversation

I finished listening to it in record time because it sounds like a podcast, with high production quality, interview snippets, and even music to supplement Gladwell's reading (which itself is great). I hope more nonfiction audiobooks follow this example. (If you know of any others, please list them in the comments.)

To sum up the book, we're not good at understanding one another, and the world would be better if we all stopped making hurried judgements about each other. Sandra Bland's death bookends a variety of other case studies that might seem unrelated, but which Gladwell connects and explores. I particularly liked his discussion of the conviction of Amanda Knox because she didn't have the expected reaction to her roommate's murder. That stayed with me, maybe because Knox lives near Seattle.

After I finished this, I read the graphic novel Stay. In the opening pages a young woman and her fiancé arrive at a beach for a short vacation. It's windy. He's decapitated by a flying metal sign. And she's just kind of blank. She talks to his parents on the phone in a way that everything seems fine, then goes to check in to their apartment. There are signs that she's on edge and deeply upset, but they're hidden moments -- mostly she doesn't seem to be reacting to what happened, even when she's having conversations with a stranger about herself and the man she loved.

Without listening to Gladwell's book, I may not have finished Stay, but because of it observing the woman's grief and her expression of it felt intimate.

Stay by Lewis Trondheim, art by Hubert Chevillard. Lion Forge, 2019. 9781549307713. 128pp. http://www.powells.com/book/-9781549307713?partnerid=34778&p_bt

#audiobook #audiobookreview #graphicnovel #graphicnovelreview #bookreview

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alyseofwonderland · 5 years ago

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Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy.

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s, and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog.

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel? [afronted gasp]

OI! (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them. (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character. Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed. I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers. Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age!

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff.

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.

#jabberwockytalkies #words #donna tartt i just wanna talk #the goldfinch #alyse watches stupid movies #theodore decker #boris pavlikovsky #larry decker #xandra #donna tartt #this book beat me up and took my money and my will to put up with men

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hikkugugna324983-blog · 6 years ago

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Written By: C.S. Lewis Narrated By: Ralph Cosham Publisher: Blackstone Audiobooks Date: January 2006 Duration: 1 hours 52 minutes

#A Grief Observed #A Grief Observed Audiobook

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star-anise · 6 years ago

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So. I’m currently reading Arrows of the Queen, by Mercedes Lackey, since it was finally released on audiobook this year. Re-reading, in fact; reading these books as a 31-year-old therapist instead of a starry-eyed 13-year-old.

I ranted the other night about the book's depiction of Elspeth as "spoiled" instead of "abused", and @feathersescapism (as part of the post's excellent and thoughtful contributions) said this about Mercedes Lackey:

It’s so effing messy for me because like on the one hand she saved my life. She was the VERY first place I saw loving, validated, celebrated queer relationships and ironically Vanyel was the first time I saw an example of someone who was angry and hurt and messy and bad at people and bullied but not a passive victim be portrayed as fundamentally loveable. As in fact valuable enough, worthy enough to be PURSUED, even, to have someone make the effort to get past his hostile defense behaviors. That was priceless to me. Unfortunately it’s like….it was water when I was dying of thirst but it turns out it was water laced with heavy metals that then did a lot of long term damage.

Which is partly just a concentration thing; if you are drinking from many wells, having one be poisoned won't damage you as much overall. But if it's your only source of water, even trace amounts get dangerous. And, well, we were Eighties babies, mentally ill queer kids with access to small-town libraries who ducked guidance counsellors who pushed conformity as the path to happiness.

So I just found a scene that I think really shows that Lackey was writing from a specifically 80s understanding of psychology, before we knew almost anything about trauma; as considered today, it's bad practice on multiple levels, and can point to some of the underlying problems with the Valdemar worldview.

TW child abuse, child neglect

So in this part of the book, 13-year-old Talia, who was rescued from her awful abusive life among the Holderkin by a giant magical horse, is settling into her new life as a Herald-trainee. She attends classes during the day, and then sleeps in her own room in a dormitory wing of her fellow trainees. Her teachers know that she displays all the symptoms of an abused child, and that she's from an extremely insular and rigid culture.

Her teacher, Teren, asks her to stay after class, and she does, wary and panicked because she doesn't know what's going on. He explains that the Heralds sent a letter back to her family to explain that her disappearance was because of the magical horse choosing her as a future Herald, and they get half-taxes that year and she's going to be very important. Her family, however, replies to say only, "Sensholding has no daughter Talia." Because she ran away instead of staying and getting married, she is disobedient and bad, and therefore totally shunned by her entire community.

She didn't realize she was weeping until a single hot tear splashed on the paper, blurring the ink. She regained control of herself immediately, swallowing down the tears. [...] It was odd, but when she'd chosen to run away, their certain excommunication hadn't seemed so great a price to pay for freedom; but somehow now, after all her hopes for forgiveness had been raised only to be destroyed by this one note-- Never mind; once again she was on her own--and Herald Teren would hardly approve of her sniveling over the situation. "It's all right," she said, handing back the note to the Herald. "I should have expected it." She was proud that her voice only trembled a little, and that she was able to meet his eyes squarely. Teren was startled and slightly alarmed; not at her reaction to the note, but by her immediate iron-willed suppression of it. This was not a healthy response. She should have allowed herself the weakness of tears; any child her age should have. Instead, she was holding back, turning further into herself. He tried, tentatively, to call those tears back to the surface where they belonged. Such suppression of natural feelings could only mean deep emotional turmoil later--and would only serve as one more brick in the wall the child had placed between herself and the others around her. "I wish there was something I could do to help." Teren was exceedingly distressed and tried to show that he was as much distressed at the child's denial of her own grief as with the situation itself. "I can't understand why they should have replied like this." If he could just get her to at least admit that the situation made her unhappy, he would have an opening wedge in getting her to trust him. [...] "I'm going to be late--" Talia winced away from the outheld hand and ran, wishing Teren had been less sympathetic. He'd brought her tears perilously close to the surface again. She'd wanted, above all other things, to break down and cry on his shoulder. But--no. She didn't dare. When kith and kin could deny her so completely, what might not strangers do, especially if she exposed her weaknesses? And Heralds were supposed to be self-sufficient, self-reliant. She would not show that she was unworthy and weak.

What I took away from this book, at 13 and during most successive readings, was that the fault in this situation is Talia's unwillingness to trust Teren and break down. It is her inability to open up emotionally to her deep, vulnerable feelings that causes problems. I suspect that my reading is not terribly far off the narrative's own perception of the central problem. In the 1980s, psychology was very based around the individual, the dance of the id, ego, and superego. Talia's problem is that she has an overactive superego, which prevents her from expressing her natural feelings in a healthy way. She uses unhealthy coping mechanisms, which must be overcome to achieve health and full congruence with her feelings. This runs very much on the catharsis model, where emotions build up like a boil, and must be lanced; once someone "vents", they feel better.

Now, at 31, and trained to help vulnerable 13-year-olds, I can see a lot of differences in how I'd assess the problem now. The trauma field especially has come to understand that humans are essentially relational beings; our brains are born in relationships. We function best in relationships. We need, more than anything else, to feel connected and understood. And then, above that: we are beings in brains and bodies. Our consciousness is limited by the hardware it runs on. If our body is dedicating all its resources to fight-or-flight, we cannot be rational, logical thinkers. We need to understand how to regulate our own emotions, both by personal actions and through relationships with others, to achieve health. It takes repeated, patterned practice to master the skills of understanding and moderating those emotions. Coping mechanisms may be unhealthy, but as I was taught in grad school, "All psychopathology was adaptive once." If you're going to take away someone's unhealthy coping mechanism, you need to have first replaced it with something healthier.

So looking at this scene now, I can point out that Talia represses her emotions instantly because in her family of origin, she got beaten up for crying. Her teachers have already observed that she has the defensive and startle-reactions of an abused child. It should not be very hard for Teren to put two and two together and think: She has been systematically trained to view emotion as unsafe.

He could, at this point, make the rules of their current situation clear: "It's all right to cry. You don't have to put on a brave face for me." This would let Talia know that she won't lose support or status if she cries. But that assumes, frankly, that she can cry; that the experience of being vulnerable in front of another human being wouldn't be too overwhelming, perhaps terrifying, for her to bear. He could also validate that, and let Talia know he sees her and understands. "It'd be all right if you let that guard down, but it looks like you've got a lot of experience with dealing with hard knocks. If you ever do want to talk about it, I'm here."

It's important for him not to try to force her to show feeling the way he thinks she should. He doesn't actually know that it's safe, or that he's safe. Traumatized people need, more than almost anything else, to achieve a measure of control over their own emotions and bodies. They need to be able to make themselves calm when they need to be calm, and not to be ambushed with sadness or fear out of the blue. It should be, more than anything, Talia's decision of when and where to express her emotions. Is bottling it all up unhealthy for her? Oh, probably. She might get depression later this month, or heart disease in 40 years. But being forced to cry when she's not ready to can leave her feeling violated and retraumatized, right here, right now.

The thing that makes crying comforting for most people is that they have a very deep pattern etched on their brains: They cry, someone comforts them, their pain recedes, they feel calmer. It's the pattern of a thousand hungry wakeups as a baby where someone was gentle and kind and fed them. It's skinned knees kissed and broken toys mended. But Talia probably doesn't have that; her experience of crying has been that she's punished and abused for it, and as an infant whose mother died in childbirth, she probably wasn't adequately nurtured either to build those good associations in the first place. Crying just takes her into a deeper place of loneliness and self-hatred. So for her to soothe herself, she might need to be taught very basic ways of doing that--to take a break, to do something she loves, to get a hug from a friend. Her traditional reaction has been to mask her emotions, and to self-isolate and let those feelings of pain and alienation swamp her.

What he could even do, as I sometimes do as a therapist, is respect that repression as a way of coping and roll with it. If someone can only bear the most glancing reference to their trauma? Then glance. Use black humour or obvious irony to acknowledge the situation without engaging with its emotional depth. “So, you know, no big deal. I bet that’s what you’ve always wanted.” So long as it’s paired with other kinds of real caring--especially useful, immediate help and close emotional attunement--that’s not out of place.

One thing he seems to have assumed is that of course, if your family is awful and devastating, you get to take the morning off to cry. I can only assume that's why he's pushing her to cry at the end of class, when she has another one to go to right after. But she might not know that. Certainly her familyexpected that if they did something awful and devastating, Talia needed to get back to work as soon as possible. Teren doesn't discuss this, and I think it's important; Talia goes to something like four other classes, has lunch, and reads for an hour before she finally gets to do anything relevant to taking care of her emotions. Implicitly, the idea that schedule and routine supercede emotions, and that emotional work takes second place, gets reinforced by the system that thinks it's "saving" her.

The other thing traumatized people struggle with, next to control, is connection. Trauma is hugely isolating; it reroutes resources away from the parts of the brain that foster social connection, so people literally lose track of anyone who might be loving and supportive, and it's hard to make ordinary people understand what you're going through. This is part of why Teren showing Talia all his distress isn't really good for her; he's overloading her still further with natural empathy for his emotions, increasing the weight she has to carry mentally, but not reinforcing her connections. He doesn't remind her that other Heralds are her family now, nor does he give her help in how to reach out to anyone.

Who might Teren remind her of? As much as he's taking on the role of The Person She Can Be Emotional To, he's hardly ever in her life; this is the last day of their week-long class where he met her for one hour a morning. He could encourage her to talk to one of her regular teachers, including his twin Keren, who teaches her equitation, or the cook, in whose kitchen Talia is most confident and in her element. If her dormitory had older Heralds who lived there in a kind of supervisory or mentoring role, spending hours of unstructured free time with the trainees, he could direct her to one of them. He could even direct her to her age-peers, with whom she lives, who might not be the most emotionally attuned but certainly seem to be the group with whom the Heralds expect her to do most of her emotional bonding.

Or he could--now here's a thought--suggest she spend the rest of the morning with the magical psychic horse who can beam rays of love and devotion directly into her brain.

But he doesn't. It is only after Talia has attended classes on history, geography, mathematics, etiquette, and archery, eaten lunch, read for an hour, and cried in the back of the sewing room, that she finally sees her magic horse. And she does feel a bit better! But by then, her major adrenaline has worn off, and with it the ability to etch memories deeply into her brain; the first hours after her shock were spent ignoring her feelings and being disconnected from people who didn't notice she was in pain, thus reinforcing all her old traumatic impressions.

So the book sets up a recurring number of incidents where Talia's loneliness and isolation is reinforced by the world around her; where no one provides her the necessary scaffolding to help her build bridges with other people and develop the skills to be healthier; and then, as happens throughout the series, when something bad happens to her, she is blamed for being so isolated and repressed.

When I was 13, I had no framework to understand any of this. On the schoolyard, I'd been taught many of Talia's lessons about the dangers of showing weakness, and in the classroom, about the importance of repressing emotions; I used her as an emotional model. (Later in the books, Talia lbecomes an Empath and Mind-Healer, which hugely impacted my decision to become a therapist.) But then, when her loneliness turned into defencelessness and her lack of emotional control turned into instability, the narrative said it was her fault for not being healthier. And so I thought: Yes. It is completely reasonable to provide a young person with no emotional support at all, and then get mad at them for being fucked up.

And so there's lead in the water.

#staranise original #therapisting #valdemar revisited #child abuse tw #child neglect tw #trauma tw

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