#95 senses
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95 SENSES:
Old man’s monologue
Life of senses and regrets
As he nears his end
youtube
#95 senses#random richards#poem#haiku#poetry#haiku poem#poets on tumblr#haiku poetry#haiku form#poetic#academy award nominee#best animated short film#tim blake nelson#jared hess#jerusha hess#Chris bowman#Hubbel Palmer#Youtube
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#it is a gut punch but it also makes no goddamn sense#remember how medb killed george washington????#if he died for real after the singularity was repaired that would seriously impact american history#to say nothing of how 95% of the population of mesopotamia dying would change the course of human history#so ig fgo's timeline is just really fucked compared to say the fsn timeline now#sorry rant over#caster gilgamesh#romani archaman#sfw#fate grand order
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wish you were here 😵💫
#alright faggots come get a whiff#i got so hot and sweaty in the 95° heat today#in all seriousness ive been told when i sweat it smells like baking bread#i have a bad sense of smell so i cant tell#anyway enjoy this panty shot#isnt that so smooth#so wild#nsft
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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im like, nonbinary in an agender way. agender in a "im actually just a canine" kind of way. genderfluid in a "well I don't always 100% identify with the label, but since my identity is constantly changing it fits me in a broader sense"
#gender#its confusing to explain to others but it makes sense to me#i WOULD use agenderfluid but the problem is SOMETIMES i do have a gender. but like 95% of the time I am probably agender#that other 5% is fight between nonbinary in the sense of “secret third thing” 100 different xenos and a girl.#nonbinary#genderfluid#agender#xenogender#like genderfluid i think is the most important one to TELL other people i am#so they wont be confused when i wake up going “mmm yes this is a Rock day i identify as a rock today”(they may still be confused but yknow)
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Never in my life did I watch something quite as ridiculous, pointless, without any coherent sense of direction or self as The Acolyte. Start to finish it created its own 'threats' and 'issues' to artificially stimulate a plot that never had a single point to be made. What on earth were they thinking? Nothing in this series follows its own internal logic. The character motivations are all over the place and often simply contradict themselves within the same episode. The intrigue and the foreshadowing all come to a null when the reveals literally are not in par with what was implied and just generally--- what on earth? You cannot say I did not come open minded. Watched all the episodes, given it grace and opportunity time and time again to prove itself but--- no, no it's actually just the worst tv show I've ever seen, and that's a serious claim as I watched quite a few bad ones I enjoyed more than I did this one. Don't even get me started on how fundamentally lacking they are in understanding what the Jedi are and who they are as an entity, there was no idea of the self or the values or even codes of the Jedi in this show. Something that could have been such a wonderful and intriguing show, with visuals we all were craving (Jedi Temple) it ended up being below mid-show, shot almost in its whole entirety on a planet that looks 100% like earth with zero intriguing visuals or anything to justify the monstrous budget they had to burn through. Wow, kudos on creating something so empty of meaning I am not even angry after watching it, only baffled that someone actually wrote it and someone actually thought it was good enough to film. Damn.
#I usually don't rant like this#but oh my lord did I give it a true and long try.#What on earth. Wow wow.#the acolyte#idk if I should tag it as anti as I'm not even anti I just think it's the worst written thing I ever saw.#Writing-wise regardless of the actual contents--- it was terrible.#no character work-- no plot work--- no narrative-- no plot line-- no logic.#95% of the time I didnt even know what was happening???? 85% of the decision made were made only so they could film a scene#and not because it made any sense for them to do this decision??? i??? what??? what???#damn son wow.#i guess i'll tag it that way but again.... it's not even hate about the show... it's a reference to the complete lack of writing#or directing ability of the creators of the show#damn#anti acolyte#star wars#so bamboozled i cant even paragraph this post
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where have i been for the past few days you are asking??? well what if i told you chapter one of the neomachus fic will drop on january 6th??? what if told you that?
#i have been hard at work editing#i have three chapters fully written and that’s an okay enough buffer for me to keep up a consistent posting while writing the rest#the first chapter is around 11k words#i will be doing some final editing tmr and then hopefully (95% chance) posting on the 6th#nobody cares other than me that’s okay i’m screaming into the void rn#the 6th is the day before i go back to school#which is why i’m dropping the first chapter LOLL#fic: someday i know you’ll come to your senses#imeda rambles!!
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I don't think about fictional characters when I listen to music cos I'm always thinking about the guy singing cos musicians are my fictional characters sadly
#in the sense that im obsessed with them like ive never made a character playlist but its cos 95% of the time i just dont get obsessed with#characters like that but its because im always obsessed with some fucking guy#from real life 😭 okay there are characters i like and have gotten into but its like honestly not the same level for me ever as#real life guy from music. now that i can get insane about
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Fears that I've been repressing and not addressing, telling myself to stand tall and "not show weakness", started to slip into my nightmares.
I just want to crawl under my blanket and cry, cry, cry until I've cried myself to sleep... and wake up in a better parallel world, where my paranoia is not eating me alive, where I can feel trust and comfort.
#personal#/vent#I am getting compulsive thoughts of cutting out like 95% of people who are nice to me and interact with me semi-consistently#because.. well it is all trap right? it is all pretend right?#any positive words and feelings are just to lull me into false sense of safety and then abruptly abandon me#without even me knowing why.#I already have my reservations and feel reluctant to open up to someone who expresses truly liking me#because I just know it won't last long enough.#either I'll push them away in some way or they'll find out something about me and instead of discussing it with me-#-just will discard me right?#so sometimes just being lukewarm under assumption that this niceness and love is temporary is not enough#I want to just... scream. scream to stop mocking me. to stop trying to deceive me.#to cut everyone away except for like 6 trusted friends#and then live in fear knowing that if even one of these friends vanishes or dies.. I'll die too. internally.#I won't survive the loss of even one person whom I can TRULY trust. at least my heart won't.#as for nightmares? the recent nightmare was about a certain group that hates me turning ARTORIAS against me lol#I know it SOUNDS humorous from aside but within the dream it was *harrowing*. to just watch them 'warn' him about me#and him subtly agreeing to be on guard.. and wishing to protect them or anyone from me#and me knowing my chances to be friends with him got preemptively ruined#I've been thinking back on it all day and every time I did I actually cried. why I am such a child?#I am like reverse miquella: my body grows but my brain is forever that scared vulnerable traumatized kid. forever.#/paranoia
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revisited one of my wips from last year and tried to fix it up a bit. i may have given up on lighting and shadows but it's ok bc one i have layer effects and two COFFEESHOP RIDOACE KISS RAHHHHHH
this is technically the first coffeeshop art i made (read: started but never finished) and honestly after revisiting all my layer folders i see why. lighting's a bitch
i love my two gay coffeeshop losers <33 now that finals are over i am free to indulge in these guys as long as i want (until the next quarter starts)
#my art#twisted wonderland#riddle rosehearts#ace trappola#ridoace#95% sure tumblr nuked the hell out of the quality but. yea that makes sense it's like 5k by 5k pixels#can you tell where i gave up on the sunlight and lighting /j#some things don't make sense shadow wise but. it's fine ~gwenchana~#anyway love my coffeeshop au babies#might write another fic on them soon.. wonder if i have any ideas left written down in my discord planning server
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playing through. basically all of solas' cutscenes in the last two days. it has been interesting to see when and how solas includes all elves as "his people" because it really feels like half the time he does and half the time he doesn't. it kind of seems like a "all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares" deal where lavellan can be considered "his people" but he cannot be considered "their people". which makes sense now that i put it into words.
#like ancestor to descendant. you can trace your lineage up to me so you're part of me#but only part. and i am next to none of you.#in matters concerning the whole you're involved because you have a sliver of the whole.#but in matters of the sliver i have no concern because 95% of YOUR whole is completely foreign to me. YKNOW?#i'm not putting this clearly but it makes sense to me and that's what matters.#carly.txt
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Alfonse Fire Emblem and co don't even know about Eggman's Public Service Announcement. They don't even know that Shadow is a Bitch Ass Motherfucker who PISSED on my FUCKING WIFE. They don't even know. They don't even know Obama
#SORRY I JUST. I NEED TO LOCK IN. BUT I NEED TO GET YHIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM TOO#but could you imagine the horror of being an autistic guy who's sense of humor heavily relies on just referencing shit.#the knowledge of the joke being the joke in and of itself which carries the interaction. ofc if the other person Knows#could you imagine. having to rawdog every fucking interaction now. 95% of what you say is incomprehensible now.#and unironically SO SERIOUSLY. the deep sense of isolation that comes from that.#fe kiran#TAGGING THEM BC THIS IS ABOUT THEM. IN SPIRIT#like broadly speaking but if we're being specific it's about moe too. moe is the autistic guy rawdogging every interaction now.#please for the love of god Help It.#moe tag
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V wip
#life update; university is draining my soul i don't have any sense of reality anymore cause im too focused on how much i hate the subjects#that i study every single day24/7 without leaving me any time for the things i really want to do i also cannot fucklng stand the people t#here and i also just found my old school backpack which i did not recognise at all and i apparently wore it everyday for 7 years which is#making me realize that i can't remember 95% of my life to the point im struggling to remember any fucking thing from last year So#end of the vent lets go#dmc#v#fanart#devil may cry#sketch#wip
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I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.
First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)
Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)
I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)
#this counts as a pride post because I am very gay for her#her uneven shoulders and stray eyebrow hair (like some d.bz characters <3) have captivated me#anyways sorry for being so wordy in the post... I will be wordier in the tags! sorry. feel free to skip these I'm just gonna ramble#while drawing these I realised I was accidentally doing a shitty a.b.a cosplay: eyebags. hairband. stitches and what Ishiwatari would call#morbid pallor LMAO. I admit I put on the hairband because of her <3 but the rest was unintentional. I hadn't worn one in yrs cause I don't#*didn't like how my hair looks w it plus felt kinda rigid but.. my current hair w a hairband is growing on me? prob not gonna wear it outsid#but thank u a.b.a for making me retry it <3. also the head feeling is kinda cool. though mine is of a hard material n I'm p sur hers is soft#anyways. I have one of this year's most important assignments/appointments tomorrow. wish me luck#after that I'll still have to go do productive adulting but I'll be able to sleep better n have energies n time to draw stuff n gaming#til that happens stuff is super hectic in all senses so drawing this goober is my escape valve. uh dunno what else. I'm tired#also oh I wanna take a moment to say thsnk u to all the people that like my art of her (and art in general but 95% art I upload her is her#LMAO) I don't wanna get parasocial but I do recognise your usernames and how u keep up with my kilometric tags. you make my day sometimes.#also huh my art (style?) got different lately. Idk how I feel. but drawing dif stuff is cool#wtf did I catch up the habit of drawing each hairstrand. my hand dislikes it. IMAGINE IF I DREW MILL.IA INSTEAD AAAAA#a.b.a#art tag2b named#edit for better term: thank youuu. may the homunculus obsession unite us all <3
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You know when a family member keeps reaching out to you but you know it’s only because they’ve asked you for smth and you haven’t done it yet and so they keep reaching out in different ways under the pretense that they care about you and want to see how you’re doing but you know you just know they don’t mean it and as soon as you reply they’re gonna be like ‘yay cool have you done the thing yet’ and you just wanna tear your eyeballs out cuz you don’t wanna waste tears over this??
#it would be nice to be unconditionally cared about by my dad#god he just feels so suffocating#I don’t even know if I’m in the wrong here cuz it makes sense for someone to reach out if they haven’t heard from you in a few days#but also I’m like 95% it’s ONLY because he wants me to do this thing that I haven’t done#I hadn’t heard from him for like two weeks before his request#so idk#if nothing else I just hate feeling like my own father will only reach out if it benefits him#sorry for the tmi I’m just tired
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I was talking about the studs in a building wall because a video was talking about them and my bf had no context to what I was saying (because i frequently do this for some reason) and he goes "oh I thought you were talking about Jimmy"
"because he's always in between two studs"
I MEAN HE'S NOT WRONG
#jimmy hart#pics#money inc#rougeau brothers#funk brothers#hart foundation#im so mad at this joke im wheezing-#jimmy continuing to be an icon#tiny boi!!!!#also not wrong that 95% of my words are a out jimmy so the connection makes sense
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