#9 people i want to know better
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#—how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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I'm so incredibly Normal about these two games.
#look i know people have done those ''yttd is just danganronpa but better'' and they're right#but have people ever draw parallels between yttd and 999#because i sure am. i sure have.#i just rewatched 999 and man. the story fucks me up each and everytime#the doomed siblings narrative. being apart of something that they don't understand. the main character having connections to the villain.#the narrative of wanting to save someone you love but unable to. because fate determines that they must die.#junpei and sara are so fucking similar and Not at the same time#akane and joe are weirdo friends who would get along great#i am trying so Desperately hard not to spoil anything. this is the closest i can get#if this post can get anyone to play 999 my mission is complete#if you like yttd you would like 999. they got so much Stuff going on it drives me crazy#your turn to die#9 hours 9 persons 9 doors#yttd#999#999 game#zero escape#the fire burns#the fire crackles with joy#low quality memes#low effort memes#memes#shitpost
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9 people you'd like to get to know better
Thank you for tagging me @moonystardust7!
Last Song You Listened To: Something off of Lover by Taylor Swift. I think is was It's Nice to Have a Friend.
Currently Reading: Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and fanfiction of course.
Currently Watching: Nothing but I just finished watching Arcane.
Current Obsession: Arcane. I just binge watched it and it is so good! Also Six of Crows and Varian and the Seven Kingdoms.
Tagging: @simplydifficultme @lilisouless @littlemisslol-fic @imaginativeworks @marvinthecrow @baura-bear @crystallizedtwilight @rupturedhaven @promptful
#if I tagged you and you don't know me you do now#six of crows#tags#9 people tag#9 people you want to know better#question tag
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henren are still together but most of their plots are about their kids or issues in their marriage. They did have the set up for an interesting plot involving a corrupt public official in season 8 but the show resolved it in a single episode. There problem is there's one other gay man on the show, Josh, but he doesn't get relationships or even much focus outside of his work so Tommy being written out is pretty much the death of rep for gay men who started the show because of bucktommy and because they saw themselves in Tommy.
Idk this is kind of weird to me, I’m a black nonbinary bisexual person, and there’s not a single black nonbinary bi person in the show (as far as I know idk again I’m only on the beginning of season 2). And I’m really happy with the queer representation on 9-1-1 for the most part? Even w/ the henren cheating arc (ugh) and even though I can’t 100% relate to any of the queer experiences on the show, a show having a main couple that’s unapologetically black and Lesbian, is still representation for the community and the loss of 1 gay white man doesn’t mean that we’re losing representation in my opinion.
Though again, I haven’t met Tommy yet so idk, maybe he’s way better written than Hen or Karen. Also, I feel like all of the couples on the show have had marriage or kid issues? Maybe that’s all HenRen becomes, but if that’s the case, why are people less angry about that than Tommy leaving? If 9-1-1 is fumbling this badly with like the only black lesbian couple as main characters representation on network tv, that’s kind of a big deal.
Idk I was just kinda side eyeing some of the comments I saw like this, it feels like people are saying that Tommy is more important and better representation than HenRen and it’s making all my fandom racism alarms go off, like again, maybe they totally fumble HenRen and Tommy is like a beautifully written gay character the likes of which we’ve never seen before, but the things people have been saying have been WEIRD!
Also I just met Josh! Does he really never get a boyfriend??? UGH! And I know Athena’s mean gay husband doesn’t show up in later seasons bc the actors anti mask allegedly too, so I do kinda understand the frustration! It’s just like, still weird. But when I get to season 8 in 2045 I’ll do like a whole fun analysis thing with bucktommy in mind.
#this is the last I’ll pay attention to this until I get into the later seasons because I feel like I’m missing so much context#is Tommy Kinard really that good#damn#and are Hen and Karen really that bad#DAMN😭#I was promised that they’d get better after the cheating arc#don’t do this to me please#sorry if it seems like im not taking this seriously#it’s just because I’m not#I want to understand why you guys feel the way you do so bad tho#and reading weeks coming up so I’m gonna lock in#maybe I’ll hop on the#bucktommy#train and grieve with you divas#but if henren gets as bad as you’re saying I’ll stop watching the show#like I love black people tf#but I think people are over exaggerating a bit for fandom racism reasons#or at least they better be#I’m not watching 8 seasons of a black lesbian couple hating each other#ok bye 9-1-1 nation#this is my first fandom ask you know!!#very exciting#9 1 1 tv#henren#how many tags can I actually add before they make me stop#oh I also don’t like henren being kinda framed as oppositional to bucktommy#it’s weirddd
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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point
#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow#2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too#like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does#i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made#after school was leaving my work and therefore my life#9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday#i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics#barely affects me#but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well#it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be#i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time#like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news#i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc#i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't#make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc#but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully#drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood#when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily#at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know#we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly#in the dead of night in our room#i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus#that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their#body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive#i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times#like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not#have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone
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"woah i can't believe you've read blue sky!"
hoho. my dear followers. i have done more than read it. do you have any idea what you are dealing with.
#portal#blue sky#not art#there are two fanfic authors works i would want printed. waffles is one and i did it.#these are levels of tism you cannot even BEGIN to fathom. this book was my Personality in high school.#i mean so was portal in general but 9 years later and I've still not read a better fanfic#i've read some banger fics but blue sky remains its own level#this thing is like two inches thick. it has art in it. its beautiful. i could kill someone with it though. phonebook#alarmingly some people don't even know i like portal which is really funny#because my youtube has a bunch of crappy portal fan animations and my sona's orange hoodie is an Aperture hoodie#but i never draw myself from behind. so. actually can't blame you dhjbfjhdsfghj#my most popular video has over a million views because i edited glados into a cafeteria as a school project#i was Not Normal about portal or blue sky. not even remotely#i LOVE portal its my FAVORITE videogame#IF YOU'VE BEEN FOLLOWING ME SINCE MY CRAPPY PORTAL FANART DAYS YOU ARE A REAL ONE !!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sometimes when I'm doubting I imagine lines from Byler season 5 being made into TikTok sounds to normalize it in my mind. Best one I've come up with is definitely recently I imagined a line from Mike talking about or confessing to Will being turned into one of those really cute trends where you just put a bunch of pictures of your partner.
I want people who haven't watched Stranger Things to learn about through the love confession sound on tiktok of Mike talking about Will. Fuck it. I want period drama level shit. I want Amy and Laurie 2019. I want-
I'm ready for it it's gonna happen I believe.
#im so confident in byler ive elevated to speculating the tiktok reaction#spreading through pop culture so even people who dont know it know it#they watch the show and go 'i didnt know that was from this'#so confident that im like 🤞i just hope it's received well#byler#stranger things#ga byler#because they would#or they better#i want it to be a chte trend i dont want it to be memed#i envision the edits#i envision the fan works using canon material#the other day i envisioned a 'mine simping for 9 minutes straight' compilation like#OMG A WHILE AGO I MADE A POST ABOUT GETTING A NETFLIX OFFICIAL 'Byler's story' VIDEO#they made a milkvan one they can do it for us too#they even made a milkvan chaos efit#which is so funny pls look it up its just byler endgame proof#a whole chunk of it is just about will and they imply that mike is gay#with that meme from heartstopper
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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it
#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see#it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends#that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i#havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character#isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything#and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i#can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i#'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me#and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody#carrd so now i judt cant#i feel so broken right now#also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine#but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things#and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou#t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn#t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this#i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore#i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out#i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to#judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't#i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do#sorry
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✨Stuck at the airport tag game frenzy brought to you by spirit airlines✨
I already got here an extra hour early and now my flight is delayed an hour so I've got some time to kill lol
Game #1: your color + your bias
I was tagged by @jiminsproof and @blueside-hobi to play this. Thanks guys, your posts looked beautiful ❤️
Ummm I know these colors don't match at all but in my defense I was identified as beige. You really can't expect me to have an eye for color or layout or anything really 🤷 also that is not even beige? Wtf is analogue? I hate this
Game #2: on repeat
I was tagged by @blueside-hobi to play this 💕
Sorry for the repeats I didn't feel like typing everything out lol
Game #3: Receiptify
Tagged by @blueside-hobi and @hopeinthebox to play this!
Umm I will tag @chocolatnoir @joon-rkive @cheekyquokka @courtthisdisaster @senor-hoberto if any of these games appeal to you! And anyone reading this who wants to share!
#tag: i'm it!#jiminsproof#blueside-hobi#hopeinthebox#chocolatnoir#joon-rkive#cheekyquokka#courtthisdisaster#senor-hoberto#im actually tagging people! being friendly: 1 rejection sensitivity: 0#'i'm not bitter about my flight delay' she lied#i love how this quiz tells me i make people feel comfortable. 12 unrelated questions and they already know im a type 9#also claiming serendipity mv jimin for the beige personalities#i just gotta explain my bad doggyztyle because it's literally just. this guy took a line from the chainsmokers shenseea song and looped it#it goes fast and slow and fast and slow. it's not even an important line from the song. but its addictive! better than the entire song#superglue. if you listened to a rocket to the moon 15 years ago you'll get it#and my new years resolution is to get someone to love teamarr's last album. if anyone wanted to help with that#i claim no responsibilities for any formatting issues. my phone is a senior in android years it simply does not care anymore
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Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"
#also i don't know why i feel i have to update people#i genuinely think that people will give me flack about not posting 31 prompts but calling myself a completionist#or saying i've got loads of fics coming up for the bear because of whumptober then not posting anything#i've made good progress with some things#the ed fic#but others are complete and not how i want them to be#there's a few fics exploring richie's birth family and him reconnecting that i want to do better#or him quitting the bear and becoming a nurse that i want to do justice#or just the fact that all i'm thinking of is my mikey lives au but it doesn't fit whumptober so i'm not writing it#and to top it off#my way of writing is changing from plan a lot and then write each scene in order and do that every day#to not being able to flesh out ideas so just writing down scenes until i get the vibe#it feels less dedicated to me personally#just because it's different and i'm a perfectionist who's too thorough sometimes#also half the time i plan a fic in detail then cba because it's too daunting#so i'm taking a leaf out of scenedenial's book and giving myself more freedom and trying not to beat myself up#that i've got 10 fics on the go and they're all slow going#because that's what i can manage#september is and will continue to be a stressful month for me#got my 2nd attempt at my driving test on 24th september and i'm an anxious wreck#also work on top of that and trying to have a life and let myself chill and say watch footie with my dad or grey's anatomy with my mum#rather than sit at a computer not writing all day#you've got to do stuff to be motivated#also exercise#i'm trying to exercise regularly and there's only so much time in the day when you work 9 hours a week#when did this become a vent post?#personal#kinda
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okay so turns out i've never posted about these two here so please welcome Hannus Barbarous (college of lore bard and famous playwright played by @anonprotagging, is also responsible for the cultural phenomenon that is Scoobus Doobus™) and Biscott Cortinarius (mycologist and wizard by training, necromancer by necessity, played by me and currently investigating whether or not people are the fruiting bodies of a grand cosmic mycelium)
they are neither married nor divorced nor necessarily even on good terms but Good God They Sure Are Something™
#miodoodledavinci#they are everything to me#they are so fucked up in the own special ways and together they simply make each other........worse??? better?????#hannus wasn't exactly helping people break into mausoleums prior to meeting scott#and scott wasn't exactly obeying most laws prior to meeting hannus#so it's a net (shrugs loudly)#they are two academics in entirely different sectors and yet they Will pull two all nighters in a row to spontaneously write#a 300 page thesis on the theological implications of Dizzy Izzy And The Speckled Prickle Brush (children's book) (ages 5-9)#i don't know what's wrong with them but i want them to keep getting worse <3333#the coolest emerald division
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what if Eddie is just rolling up to the jewelry store bc he needs his St. Christopher medallion fixed/ cleaned or he’s buying something for abuela and just happens to spot engagement rings and we get panic attack 2.0 and when he’s out of it he sees Shannon’s ghost?
anyway we’re getting single eddie gay eddie end of s7 trust
#I love the speculating#but in my heart buddie will always be endgame#like it’s closer than ever I can taste it#putting my faith in tim minear#and abuela#I’m excited to be wrong about the how it happens but also still need endgame to happen#also just in case people are taking me dead serious I’m only like 75% serious#but I do want better writing for eddie I wanted to vom at the nun storyline#not the catholic guilt u know… just the nun#I need my beloved to get some more screentime I miss him#and his son#ALSO#I miss everyone tbh#henren#Bobby#Athena’s kids#lots of thoughts today#9-1-1#911 spoilers#911 speculation
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Nine people I'd like to get to know better
I was tagged by the awesometastic @helix-studios117 Thanks so much! 😎👍
Last song:
youtube
Yeah, I was just watching my own vid, what can I say? 🥺🤷♀️ I was telling my dad earlier how I love how Halo 2 has very few barriers and thus lets you fly a lot of places you're not "supposed" to go in regular gameplay. Which made me think of this Halo 2 vid of mine and thus, I just listened to this awesome song by Foo Fighters. 🤷♀️😉
Watch my early Halo 2 utter lack of abilities in the gameplay parts of this vid and marvel at the fact that I somehow eventually managed to beat this game on Legendary, lol! I played like an absolute goober here but I did get better, what can I say? 🤣😋
Favorite Color: Dark red, dark green and dark purple
Last Film/Show: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (we're in the last few eps of season 7 now, almost done 😭)
Sweet/Savory/Spicy: Sweet and savory; spicy has become my enemy as I've gotten older, sad to say 🫤
Relationship Status: I'm a dedicated free-range Aislynn 😇
Last Search: "Halo 3 Master Chief dog tags" I saw a pic someone had of them, thought they were cool and decided to see how much they were, just in case they were, like, super cheap and affordable. They were not. 😐😉
Current Obsession:
This guy falling down the stairs behind Captain Keyes in Halo: Combat Evolved, lol!
Also
Master Chief (and Halo 4 Cortana), my beloveds
Kai and season 1 Cortana, my beloveds
annnnnd
Carter and Noble Team, my beloveds.
I have a LOT of beloveds. My fangirl heart is always overflowing, what can I say? 😇💖
Tagging the last 9 mutuals in my notifications because I can't remember who all I've seen tagged in this one. No pressure tags, as always, and if you'd like to do this one and I didn't happen to tag you, then you know what that means! *boops your nose politely* 😉💖
@officialnighttime @architectofimagination @jemmalynette @littletonpace @empresskadia @spartanxanthe @arbitraryimposition @coleishere @inthatfandom
#9 people you want to know better#tag game#i have a halo problem it's so true#lol#ageless aislynn#Youtube
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I ended up buying a cane and it's better than nothing for my tremors. I prefer sitting or leaning but it certainly will help i think
#first bad tremors since i got it#i do not have the confidence to use it outside of my own home yet#heck i still live my parents and would still prefer to not use it around them#i dont want to seem less capable than i am#i hate that treatment that comes when you seem “frail”#i used earplugs for noise sensitivity for all of a day before giving them up because they made my friends treat me different#now i use my earbuds for that#be it with allergies/food intolerances or the tremors or the sound thing#it all makes people treat me like a child#i constantly feel like im fighting for the right to be seen as an adult#and its not like i dont like questions#im perfectly fine explaining my things to people#i just hate being treated like a child#like because i sometimes need help i am somehow younger than i am#and i know its from a place of care and love but that doesn't change how sucky it feels#and i cant say anything because then im the grouch who doesn't like people going out of their way to help me#it feels so condescending#sorry about the completely unrelated rant in the tags lol#it feels easier to say stuff here than in its own post#any way the cane is good but im short so its a bit too tall so it could be better but i got it for like 9 dollars so i cant complain 9/10
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9 people you want to know better
Three ships: Reigen x Dimple (mp100), Iorveth x Roche (Witcher), Diego x Manny (Ice Age, DO NOT LOOK AT ME)
First ship: 10th Doctor x Captain Jack Harkness
Last song: Gimme Gimme Gimme
Last movie: Ice Age 4
Currently reading: Discrimination and Disparities by Thomas Sowell
Currently watching: Ice Age 5
Currently eating: Coffee
Currently craving: beef
~
Was tagged by: @cilil
No pressure tags (tag 9 others):
@nyanderful-to-you @rainbowpanther9 @zombiemanateegiraffe @libertarian-druid-in-greater-vt @uncle-mojave @zpansven @kanobarlowe @the-scungles-of-crungles @boogalooroo
#tag game#games#9 people you want to know better#ice age thirst#ice age#loooook I may or may not draw them all as humans and it may or may not get weird 😬
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WHERE is the picture of the little monkey that says the grief is never ending but so is the love I am in need
#I want my old url back#Again#That thing about grief finding you on a sunny day#I went and read some old fanfiction and I feel like throwing up#I miss those people…but my aim is getting better!!!!#Disclaimer: I do not fuckin miss those people that is the devil talking#Its after 9 pm I cannot believe any emotions felt post 9 pm#God#it makes me so mad that I can’t get evyptids back tho I wanna reclaim that shit#That was a good internet name! It would’ve aged MUCH better in the era of cryptocurrency#And there was a solid 2 years or so there where if someone called out “Evie” I probably would’ve turned around#And look it needed to go when it did that needed to happen#But I want it back now and it drives me fuckin bonkers that I can’t get it even tho the blog was deleted#Liek it’s DEAD it’s GONE and yet tumblrs still like “oops! This blog already exists :)”#NO IT DOESNT MOTHERFUCKER I TOOK THAT THING OUT BACK AND SHOT IT MYSELF I KNOW WHERE ITS BURIED
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