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schrijverr · 6 months ago

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Haunted by Your Own Final Words

Post-s02e03: Help Is Not Coming, Hen tries to deal with nearly dying in that hotel, of recording her final words just in case.

On AO3.

Ships: Henren

Warnings: near death experience aftermath

~~~

Hen can’t get it out of her head. She tries, of course. Of course, she tries. She wouldn't be a good firefighter if she didn’t have some tricks up her sleeve to forget the hard days. However, putting a hard day behind you isn’t the same as having your final words recorded on your phone.

She hasn’t listen to it yet, hasn’t even changed the name from untitled in her app. She just opens her phone sometimes to look at it.

The message isn’t long, only 1 minute and 36 seconds. But she can still remember every single word she uttered on it. She can still remember that burning need to leave something behind for the ones she loves, so that if she died down there, they’d know how much they mean to her when they recovered her body.

Right now, she tries not to think about how she didn’t say any of those words when she actually got home.

Of course she told them that she loved them, but that was it. When showing them Paisley, she mentioned how she helped her rescue Kat, but never told them how Paisley also helped rescue her from that garage.

Hen doesn’t feel the need to inform them of just how close she’d been to not coming home. Of scaring them like that retroactively.

She made it home. She’s safe. She should be fine.

However, knowing you’re safe, that you’re fine, isn’t the same as feeling it. She still feels that same pressure on her chest, that crawling need to get herself free. That scared refusal to die like Russell, who’d given up fighting and who died on her watch.

Russell isn’t her first loss, far from it, but the one that hit the hardest in recent times. It could’ve so easily been her in his place. Could’ve been her that was trapped. That stopped fighting. That didn’t make it home.

So, she sits in the station, looking at her phone. At that audio file named untitled that’s 1 minute and 36 seconds.

She meant it when she said that she didn’t stop fighting, that she won’t. They’re going through a lot with Karen only just returning home and Eva suing for custody, but Hen knows she’s going to fight until she physically can’t anymore. It’s just a reminder that with her job that can’t is closer than she might like.

It’s not healthy to think like that. If you get stuck on how dangerous it all is, you’ll freeze up in the field and get yourself killed. The better course of action would be to remind herself that she didn’t die in that building and the recording was for nothing. A just in case that wasn’t necessary, thus can be deleted.

However, every time she has managed to convince herself of that, she opens her phone and goes to the message, only to freeze when she sees it. She hasn’t managed to delete it.

1 minute and 36 seconds.

Is that really how much she has to say? After years of marriage and raising a kid together, did she really have nothing more to say than that to the love of her life? If she had died there, sitting on the garage floor next to Russell’s corpse, would those 1 minute and 36 seconds really be all that is left of her? Does she have nothing more to leave behind?

Ever since her troubles with Karen – since she stupidly decided to sleep with Eva – she has been wondering who she is. If she is a different person now.

She knows she isn’t. She wants to fight for her family, for Karen, she more than proved that during the earthquake. But what if she had died down there? Would those few words spoken be enough to console Karen? Would it be enough to explain to Denny why mama was never coming home?

Maybe she should re-record a message, one that explains everything better, just in case. But if she were to die on this job, her body might not be recovered. And her phone can break. She could entrust someone with a written note, like Athena. Athena can be trusted. But that feels like too much of a suicide letter.

Hen isn’t suicidal. She refuses to die, actually. The fear that still clings to her is the fear of a person, who doesn’t want to die. The last thing she wants to do is worry everyone. It’s the whole reason no one knows about the audio file on her phone.

She lets out a sigh. A part of her wishes the alarm would sound, so she’d be forced to put her phone away and focus on something else, but of course that never happens when she wants it to. So, she remains stuck.

Her gaze drifts over to the other. Chim and Buck are egging Eddie on in the work out area, trying to get him to lift more and more weight, while Bobby is working on dinner in the kitchen.

If she wanted to talk to someone, now would be the prefect time to get a moment of privacy with Bobby to get it off her chest. However, she doesn’t want to talk. About any of it. She just wants to put it behind her and move on. It was a bad day, nothing more.

Sure, LA is still recovering, buildings everywhere are still under construction and they have to remember where the roads are fucked up whenever they drive to call. But the worst is over. They are no longer pulling bodies out from the rubble, no longer finding the few ones who survived for days below the rubble. It’s fine. Everyone is fine. Hen is fine.

She should just fucking delete that audio file. She knows she’ll keep fighting for her family, that she’ll make it home no matter what.

However, instead of clicking on delete, she clicks on the title, her keyboard coming into view. She renames the file to final words. It isn’t much, just 1 minute and 36 seconds, but Hen knows that next time she might not have a moment to record even that little.

It’s her little compromise. Not a whole new note, not something premeditated, but something more than nothing. Just in case. She hopes Karen never has to know that file exists on her phone, but know it’s there… it helps.

Hen knows that it’s a little fucked up that knowing that message exists helps, but she can’t change that it does. She wants to shake it off, leave it behind her, but none of her other tricks worked. She’s had close calls before, but never so close she felt the need to have her final words recorded.

Having that happen to her, made her realize how lucky she was. Not just to be rescued, but to have the time to record those words.

She knows it would be healthier to delete the message all together, but no one who is a fire fighter is entirely healthy.

And for now, having that message there, is enough for her to concentrate, to do her job knowing that if she doesn’t make it, her words will make it home and Karen will never have to think Hen planned those words, while still having the closure of knowing that Hen would never willingly give up on her and their family.

She doesn’t want to leave things unsaid every again, even if she can’t bring herself to talk about it right now. Maybe one day in the future, she can tell Karen about that day, how she nearly didn’t make it home. Maybe then she can finally delete that file, but not yet. Not now.

So, she nods to herself decisively as she takes one final look at the audio file and its new name, before closing the app and moving it to the very last slide of her phone screen. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

With that done, she puts the phone in her pocket and makes her way to Bobby, hoping she can sneak a few bites before dinner, since it’s likely to be interrupted by the alarm. She is trying to move on, if having her final words in her pocket is a part of that, then so be it.

#rr writing #henren #henrietta wilson #karen wilson #hen x karen #9-1-1 #9 1 1 #911 #911 abc #911 show #911 fox #9 1 1 abc #9 1 1 fanfiction #9 1 1 fox #9 1 1 season 2 #9-1-1 season 2 #henren fanfic

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mimir-anoshe · 2 months ago

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I love that ARCANE is using the MAJOR ARCANA for symbolism.

Chefs kiss.

These are Sevika's tarot cards from season 1.

The Magician (upright) overlapping Death (upright).

Foreshadowing? Oh hell yeah. But its only now after S2 Episode 6 do I understand what they might actually be foreshadowing. People may have talked about this before, so I apologise if this is similar to anyone else's meta. These are all my own thoughts, I usually just watch arcane and don't dabble into the meta but this season has me feral and I just rewatched season 1.

SPOILERS for Arcane S1/S2 below.

I just want to prologue this post with a note about how I've noticed even from season 1 there are thematic parallels and linear symbolism being afforded between Jinx and Viktor. Others in the community have too I'm sure. Its strange. I thought it was interesting in S1 but didn't deep dive into it, but S2 has driven headfirst into it and its making me go "oh... oh ok." Even Viktor in S1 noted Jinx's genius, and in another timeline perhaps Powder would've been a student of Viktors had fate not set them on parallel paths. Two children of Zaun, both mechanical/scientific geniuses. One physically disabled whilst the other mentally disabled. One who "escaped" and was given a chance, rising to the top only to create something that would be used for harm. Fighting that fate at every step. Whilst the other trapped at the bottom of the barrel, forced to use her gifts to become a weapon herself. Such GOOD story writing.

So now let's think about the art of the cards, because in tarot, even the symbolism of the specific art is important. Its why an artists interpretation of a major/minor can be so crucial to a reading.

Here's a figure map I made earlier.

Lets begin with Death.

Thirteenth of the Major Arcana, a "significant transformation and the end of a phase in life." There is death and rebirth symbolism all over arcane, but let's take a closer look at the symbolism mirroring the art.

Figure 7&8 - The one who has "died" a skeleton/skull laid down and being "imbued" with something as something else is taken away.

See that the imbuing focuses on the "chest" area.

It's quick, but it flashes briefly when Viktor is being imbued with the Hexcore. He canonically dies "the skull" and is reborn with the Hexcore on an "altar"/table.

Same with Jinx. Canonically "dies" and is reborn laying on an "altar"/table using shimmer. Purple being used as the visual thread between shimmer and the arcane of the hex; a colour imagery representation of "magical" alchemical/arcane power turning them into something beyond human.

Singed and Jayce. Two hands of death, giving and taking life as if they were a God. One using shimmer, the other Hextech thats imbued with shimmer. Messing with the balance of life and death.

With Viktor, the energy is transferred straight into his chest, just like on the card.

So now we've established the parallels to the death tarot, lets look at The Magician.

The First of the Major Arcana, "the connection between the physical and spiritual worlds, and the ability to manifest one's desires."

Viktor is the Magician. No doubt. He connects the physical and spiritual world of the arcane, he brings people back from the brink of death, as he was. He manifests his desires through the use of the hex, the arcane. And the dude just looks like a mecha wizard.

Though if you want it to be even more obvious.

Figure 3 - The Third Arm/Third Hand.

The image below is "The Machine Herald" Hero from League of Legends. This is the hero Viktor is based upon.

He canonically has three arms, same as the Magician in the card. The Magician is Viktor, Viktor is the Magician. The Magician is the Machine Herald.

The Magician overtakes/overlaps death. But Viktor by episode 6 still doesn't quite resemble the machine herald from the games. There's no third arm... Yet. So the Magician in the card isn't Viktor from episodes 1-6, this is the machine herald who comes after the one killed in episode 6. Another Rebirth is set to happen for Viktor.

Figures 1 &2 - White mask. Red/pinkish eyes.

Hmmm... Red/pinkish eyes are associated with shimmer. And a white mask, of the machine herald? The mask of a messiah. That the hextech Viktor will most likely also be imbued with shimmer like Jinx, to become the true "machine herald." Messiahs of the hex, monsters of the shimmer.

Its also worth noting that both Jinx and Viktor are framed as messianic figures of Zaun in this season. One the fighter who will rally together the undercity and free Zaun from its oppression. The other a healer and a saint like figure who will free the Zaunites of their suffering and lead them into a better future.

Jinx wanting peace - represented by Isha - and Viktor's dream of peace and healing for Zaun - represented by a lot of things including healing Vander - are metaphorically and literally killed in episode 6. Funnily enough, one symbol of peace killing the other (Isha and Vander - Child and Father). After all, peace and violence are two sides of the same coin, as are Viktor and Jinx. Or should I say, two sides of the same cog...

Figure 4&6 - The Cog shaped Hole in the Magicians chest/The Cog Coin and Jinx's cog.

"I understand now. The message hidden within the pattern. The reason for our failures in the commune. The doctor was right. Its inescapable. Humanity. Our very essence. Our emotions... Rage. Compassion. Hate. Two sides of the same coin. Inextricably bound."

In episode 6, whilst Viktor is explaining to Vi about what it will take to heal Vander, Jinx is sceptical. She doesn't even believe in herself as a messiah, so this "hero"? This "saviour" coming along to solve their problems? To fix things? When all she can do is break everything around her, jinx her own family, destroy? She's scoffing at Viktor sure, but she's also scoffing at herself. Mirroring. People treat her like they treat him, so to believe in him as a saviour means she would have to look into the water of that well and face her own reflection. And Viktor sees right through it, the pretence, and he sees her potential.

Knowledge is a paradox. Jinx wants to stick with what she knows, to destroy instead of to build, to "Watch it all burn." Or ignore the plight of Zaun, so she can live peacefully with Isha. Jinx - Powder - is choosing to remain ignorant to what's right in front of her. Right up until the moment Isha dies.

In the scene earlier in the episode, Jinx accidently destroys a bit of the well, releasing a cog that falls into water. Cogs have been symbolic of Viktor healing people throughout this season, using cogs to "Build."

Powder was thrown into water just like that cog by Silco, and reborn as Jinx. But its not Silco that picks up this cog. Its Viktor. He holds the potential of his creation in his hand, and in paradox, holds Jinx's destruction. Viktor holds Jinx's potential. He's literally holding the two sides of Jinx/Powder in his hand, her - their - fate. Just like Jinx, Viktor has the equal capacity to destroy, and if he is reborn as a weapon later on, perhaps that cog represents Jinx being reborn too. As a creator. A builder.

He holds onto Jinx's cog all the way through the rest of the episode, balancing that potential, that fate, of creation and destruction in his hand. Right up until the moment he dies, and the coin/the cog falls, sealing their fate. His death causing the deaths of Isha and Vander too.

So we've established that the story is viewing cogs/coins in a similar light. We've also established the show is linking Viktor and Jinx through the symbology of the cog.

This is reiterated in the symbolism surrounding the Tarot cards. Around the cards are coins that take the shape of cogs, the currency of Zaun. Fate - coin flips - and cogs, gods and machines. Deus Ex Machina, that is what Viktor is to become, and Jinx creates destruction using machines. She's an inventor, just like Viktor and Jayce. A creator and a destroyer. A god of the machine.

So how does Figure 6 - the coin cogs - relate to Figure 4? The hole in the Magician's chest.

On the Tarot Card, the Magician has a circle in the middle of his chest. A hole. Just like the hole Jayce puts through Viktors chest at the end of Episode 6. The one that kills him.

But if you look closely at the image above, it might be a stretch, but to me, the striations on the inner ring look very similar to those of a cog. The hole is what kills Viktor. Cogs have been given visual symbolism for healing, and are also associated with Jinx's potential for creation. Its a stretch, but it could potentially be foreshadowing Jinx using her abilities to heal Viktor; to build instead of destroy. We've already seen Jinx do it once with Sevika, by "building" her a new arm.

I also find it interesting that we're shown Jinx using her talents to build someone a new arm, and Viktor - the machine herald - still has yet to acquire his third arm. Perhaps he doesn't make it. Perhaps Jinx does?

Maybe, just maybe, Jinx - Powder - is the one to fix Viktor, and flip the cog of fate once again.

Now in Episode 6 we already get foreshadowing that it'll be singe - not Jinx - who saves Viktor by imbuing him with the ultimate shimmer from Warwick/Vander - stabilising him. He says it in the episode, but Viktor refuses to sacrifice Vander in the name of creating the ultimate weapon of destruction.

"It would destroy him."

Viktor's potential for destruction goes hand in hand with Jinx's.

Its even foreshadowed in both the cards. The red/pink eyes of the machine herald foreshadowing shimmer. And the shadow being imbued into the chest of the dead skeleton (Viktor) looks an awful lot like Warwick; the beast that traps Vander.

So why am I talking about Jinx saving Viktor if I'm so certain its Singe? Well I'm certain Singe will bring Viktor back to life, to be used as a weapon. That seems like the most likely outcome.

But like Viktor was saying about Vander "He's not a specimen, he's a man." Viktor was doing everything in his power to save Vander's humanity. So yes Singe will bring the machine herald back most likely - even if I think it'd be thematically cool for it to be Jinx - but I think Jinx will save Viktor. Save the man, the humanity. Be the big fat hero.

Jinx was a girl imbued with Shimmer, and despite having monstrous abilities and doing monstrous things, her humanity has still survived.

I could be wrong, I most likely am, but the the thing that's getting to me is this...

Figure 5 - The Broken Infinity.

At the centre of Viktor's chest, in the middle of Jayce's death blow and Jinx's cog of creation & destruction, is a symbol.

Now a diagonal infinity symbol is associated with the Firelights. Ekko. The boy who shattered time.

Broken Infinity? Shattered time? Seems to go hand in hand.

Though Ekko's symbol is a whole infinity, more akin to a Z than an ongoing X.

There are plenty of theories Ekko will play a role in Viktor's fate and the fate of everyone by rewinding time somehow. And the multiple shots of the coin rolling support that to an extend. Rewind time, change fate, change the flip of the cog. And I agree, I think Ekko is going to have a role to play. But there's also another character who fits with this symbol, who uses shimmer to move faster than humanly possible and defy fate time and time again. Who is the fulcrum of fate in the eyes of the story, the catalyst of everything. And only one character who has solely been associated with a broken infinity symbol before.

Jinx. That's Jinx's symbol. Her champion tag.

Jinx's symbol, right at the centre of Viktors chest. And this line to Jinx from Viktor...

"You have much to offer this commune, Powder. Your talents could be used to build instead of destroy."

And the line from Singe, about Viktor's fate being tied to the commune. Viktor IS the commune, he's the centre of it all. The one who can make the dream of Zaun - Vander's dream - a reality. And that line foreshadowed Jinx using her talents to help the commune. To help Viktor.

Hell, she was technically the reason he "died" in the first place. She fired the rocket that nearly killed him. Wouldn't it be poetic story telling if she was the one who saved him in the end?

I can't wait for Saturday.

I believe whatever happens, Viktor and Jinx's fates are inextricably bound.

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