#800 is still like a majority of my paycheck
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God it would cost me like 800 dollars for the flight alone, ain't no way I can afford to go to Houston for that con...
I'm so sad :(
#torra rambles#I could at least stay with my aunt so I wouldn't have to worry about hotel costs but#800 is still like a majority of my paycheck#living paycheck to paycheck blows man#even if I could save up for it there's more important things I need to save up for#we'll see maybe I can convince my family to meet me there and we can do a dual family trip#that way there's at least a chance they'll help me out#it's just so RARE that all 3 of them get together for anything#I'd actually cry if I could go to their panel
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Moving update
I'm grateful to the folks checking in on me and @crowtoed and thought I'd drop a quick update.
We're almost done putting all non-essentials in storage. The many bins are an investment in case we have to do this again. (I have already started researching shipping containers for an overseas move.) I'm going to buy storage unit insurance this week because I have more valuables stowed away than standard homeowners will cover.
My storage unit is almost the same size as the moving truck, which makes it easy to guage if I have to purge/store anything that won't fit. I'm going to hire the biggest trailer from upack.com when it's time to leave. The prices are amazing - less than $4k to move to Connecticut.
The Florida realtor (a condo expert) is viewing my place tomorrow, and with her advice, we'll start on final repairs/refreshes (this place is 23 years old, about when things like windows and tile get rather iffy). My mother graciously gifted me money to cover the majority of the fixes. This move would be a lot harder without her help.
Mom is also letting us stay short-term in her MiL suite a few towns over, so we can sell my condo asap. That means we don't have to worry about timing the purchase of the new house with closing on the old. Plus, I should have a few paychecks rent-free I can sock away / apply towards mutual aid.
We're hoping the condo sells by June or so. Once that happens, I'll use some of the funds towards old debt to nudge my credit rating ever closer to 800 (it's 778 rn, a multi-year project as I used to be in the 400s). Most of the rest of the money will be earmarked for a generous down payment on the new home.
We're still looking in Connecticut and have a realtor there as well. If it's possible, we can afford to fly up a few times to check out houses. The realtor told us our budget for what we want (1500sq ft or larger) is totally doable. The housing market there is weirdly reasonable.
Work is incredibly kind and has said if I need more than 2 weeks to move, I can take whatever time I need. I am fully remote now and blessed to be part of such a progressive company.
We still have some household and personal things to sell, but it's more out of "I no longer like/need this" than an urgent need for money. But thank you to everyone who has offered cash. It means so much to us to have such a strong safety net. If this happened even 5 years ago, we'd have been up shit creek.
Once we close on the new house, we'll drive up asap to move in. This is when we'll know our route and we'll connect with folks along it who have offered to be pitstops for us and the cats. The moving truck will meet us there in 5-7 business days after we leave Orlando.
My HRT Rx also got renewed for 6 months, and with my current stash + a little rationing, I shouldn't have any interruption with my shots, even if pharmacies start refusing me come July.
We're hoping to be all settled in the new home come October, but are dependant on the housing market. But we're stacking as many chips in our favor as we can.
Again, thank you, thank you to everyone who has reached out. I'll update again when something major changes.
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I think people like you are what is prompting studios like Larian to go into big business and selling their souls. Trying to appease a crowd of people like yourself, who constantly tries to find criticism about something no AAA studio would be able to produce. They are an INDIE studio producing a masterpiece like BG3 and you are going to complain about how they didn't give you act 4? I mean this in the nicest way possible, you need to stop being on tumblr.
well i was going to respond respectfully, but you are an absolute cunt and coward for hiding under anon so i'm going to say it - eat shit.
let's kick it off with: me and my random tumblr blog that posted something with what, 800 notes? is going to be downfall of larian? if that's the case, i demand a trial by combat on nestle next, maybe i can use my powers for good.
larian is an indie studio definitionally in that it's independent from major studios, but we all understand that "indie" refers to smaller scale studios so trying to slot them in there as though they don't have millions in revenue and the time to do games for as long as they want is appalling. even still, indie studios deserve to get criticism for an unfinished product. not addresing obvious issues with their games in an effort to place them on a pedastal bc they're not EA does nothing in service of the industry. you will not get a paycheck from larian by sucking dick any chance you can get.
bg3 is a game that is in partnership with WOTC, getting material that has existed for decades. it's not like they're starting from scratch when it comes to the content either, so let's not pretend this was larian's doing. it's dnd in video game form. using rules and mechanics that have existed for a long time.
i'm going to complain about whatever i fucking want when act 3 is a giant mess that has been broken since august. i am going to complain when i get an epilogue 4 months after release. i am going to complain when the game almost breaks my pc bc it's horribly optimized. i am going to complain when something doesn't work. i am going to complain about the ppl trying to defend a multimillion dollar studio like they're the second coming of video game jesus just because they're not abusing employees, sexually harrassing devs and making lackluster products. that's the literal bare minimum.
the only reason i came back to tumblr is bc i felt a strong love for the game and i love the community that's attached to it. there's some fantastic art, fanfiction and discussions/disourse that happens on the daily that i want to be a part of bc the game is fantastic. phenomenal even. but to pretend as if it doesn't have obvious drawbacks, issues is stupid. to defend larian is even stupider. a corporation that size should not be given freebies, no matter how "indie" they are. tenchent has a 30% stake in larian studios, a company with over 400 BILLION in revenue. spare me the cries of how their lazy patches and hotfixes should be celebrated when the game was not released in full. i will not grant any studio that grace. especially one that has already done this before.
fuck off.
#if you're gonna sit there and tell me to worship larian i need you to block me immediately#im not going to defend corporations on this blog\#ask
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Still hanging out in our hotel. Despite my husband saying he feels cooped up we sure have been out and about a lot. I havent bothered to pull a watercolor set or sketchbook out of the car. It just feels like too much effort. I have GoW Ragnarok in the car too but same thing..too much effort.
I wanted to doodle something christmas related but Im apparently not in a christmassy mood. We a started watching the tv show 1883 yesterday because my mom warned me Tim Mcgraw was hot in it and I needed to see and she was right. So I doodled majestic lion guy and thats about all the creativity that I have in my bones. I dont know, in order to draw I need peace and good lighting and my own personal space and I cant get that here.
Ive applied to a couple jobs and even got a text back (which Ive never seen before) telling me they forwarded my resume. But it is really hard to apply for jobs on a phone or ipad. I packed my laptop but I packed it too well. Its smooshed underneith a bunch of things in the car and I cant get to it.
Otherwise we've been to a couple farmers markets. When we lived in columbus I said I hated living on a border city. Like it kinda makes me nauseous because people from Georgia and alabama might as well be from different countries but now Im on the border of Mexico and New Mexico and it is..interesting. But this little farmers market had this baker and Im all about the french cafe pastries lifestyle..one of the best crescents Ive ever had. I could have died. And the area was actually very aesthetic too for having broken trailers and chickens. I would totally go back another weekend when we are done scoping out other empty calories.
Theres a few other french bakeries in the area I want to try.
Also hit up the local rock wall gym. I love that its private and will be 5 minutes from our house when we move in. The gym is in another building behind it. And then this post has the fanciest on post shopping center Ive ever seen including a starbucks. My only regret is is there doesnt appear to be free yoga classes. There is another massive rockwall gym in the new part of town that we havent been to yet. It does apparently have a fitness center and yoga classes included in price. I would love to go (sorry local empty gym) but its like 800$/yr and I need to be several paychecks deep to think of signing up for that.
We also did a local escape room with some buddies who live here and they've never done one before. It was a good first one too. We had to escape a mental asylum and the doors would shake and scream. Was fun.
My only plans today are Id like to hit up the major mall in the area..probably wont happen..we may go climbing this morning first but we are scoping out daycare/boarding facilities for our dog in the future. Everyplace here has requirements that make me feel like Im sending her off to a private boarding school.
I still havent been to the local art store either but I was kinda waiting til we moved into our house.
#illustration#sketchbook#sketch#drawing#digitalart#procreate#medibang#lion#lionking#animalart#disneyinspired#artblog#artistblog#lifeblog
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TTPD as well as the four times I’ve seen the Eras tour (once live in person Day 2 of La, in Theatre’s, Amazon & Disney +) I thought it was time to post this core memory. For starters, I feel fortunate that I got to take one of my best friends to said concert but also this event was one of the major highlights of their wedding week. I still don’t know how I ended up getting Eras tours tickets for the original day I wanted them. I also don’t know how I got two tickets for under $800 and the seating was immaculate??! The whole experience in some ways feels like a fever dream, something I dreamt and honestly felt like an out of body experience. Other notes, three hours and change was alot and to be transparent by hour 2 - I was like “she’s still going?!” It’s incredibly cool to watch someone do what they love and are passionate about. She also looked tired but pulled it off so well. I have immense respect and appreciation for Taylor. I’ve been a fan since “Taylor Swift” the album I remember watching the countdown on YouTube for Our song MV (I’m seasoning and aging myself here) The Eras tour was my first time seeing Taylor in concert. I was planning to go to Lover fest but as we know the world shutdown. I haven’t been a merch girly but I’ve been a target CD purchaser here and there. 1989 was the first album I bought with my first paycheck I made as a teenager. 1989 is probably one of my favorite albums by Taylor as well.
Alright, ramble bit aside. That is my Eras tour low down.
Now TTPD, is deliciously real, raw & authentic to her & her lore. Glad to be here and I wish Taylor nothing but the best. Protect your peace @taylorswift and please continue to do whatever you want. Enjoy life, I see you past your brand, your name, your fame. Thank you for making an impact, creating conversations & capturing the pendulum of feelings that we all should explore & sit in more.
-
Xia
#the eras tour#joy#thoughtsonerastour#TTPD#lifeisafunmoshposhofmemoriesyoukindaforgetthatyoudid#normalizetakingyourbestietocorememoryexpriences
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Me going back and forth about fixing my car or trading it on for a new one.
Back to plan A of fixing it.
So I have a 2013 Nissan rogue. It’s a good car, but I got sold a fuxked one. I’ve replaced most of the front end by now. I still owe 4.5k on it too (from 15k) and I’m also at 115K miles but this car is good until 200k miles for sure
I need new tires, that’s the plan for this paycheck I get on Monday. $800
I know I need my driver side lower control arm replaced but hopefully it’s still okay and can wait another month or two.
I need passenger side headlight and driver side fog light. Now this be some fancy ass car because apparently it has HID lights and they run about $200/250 each. Like who the fuck decided to put these expensive ass lights on this car.
Now hopefully that’s all that’s needed. That’s what I was told back in July (I’ve been driving my husbands car instead )
I might need brakes, but nothing major yet.
Now since I am planning to fix this baby up and continue with it, because my husbands car is NOT a winter car and I’ll die in the snow and my credit sucks and won’t get me the nice new car I want, so imma wait.
Onto the important part, music. I need some sort of adapter that I can connect my phone to so I can play music. I can’t keep buying CDs and shit be expensive, plus my mood can change quick and it’s easier to change music on the phone than change the CDs out lol
So yeah. Onto my search.
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What folders does an external hard drive need to be used for gaming files on ps4
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Emergency Commissions
Okay, time for some serious talk.
I am in a really tough position right now. As I said above I live alone and currently don’t work. (I cannot stand on my legs for more than four hours without losing the ability to walk safely, that combined with a small town makes finding jobs impossible I am trying to go to the doctor about it though. I also have been put on a waiting list at waitr basically so the job isn't for lack of trying.) Instead I get paid a set amount of money each month I am a full-time student in college. January and February are my worst months of the year because January I am living off of December’s paycheck and February I am living off of January’s. Well, There is a gap between semesters there and it is rather large. I had originally expected to receive $800 for each month, but instead I have $500. This is a major problem. I swear I will be as transparent as possible about this, if you need any proof please contact me privately.
My rent is $411 including my water, my internet is about $80, and my electric for December (they read my meter halfway in the month) was $40. I also have to pay $50 on my credit card. I have a few things that automatically come out of my account and before I could stop them, I have already been charged roughly $50. I have luckily been given $50 by my parent to help me get by, but I needed to get toilet paper and gas. I have also sold one of my games to help pay the rest of my bills. (I received $50 from it.)
All in all my bills were/are about $631 not including groceries. I have made about $100 extra off of selling my game and receiving money from my mother. I still need about $31 left just to make ends meet without getting groceries. (I should have enough ramen and oatmeal to last the month.)
The problem arises with next month.
Based on the amount of time I have been home and using my electricity, my electric will most likely be closer to $70. Now this is a jump and I will find out how much it is probably next week, but this is my estimate for now. This puts my bills at $661. This sucks for a multitude of reasons. February is also the month of my 21st birthday and I will be living off of ramen and oatmeal. (Refunds for college will not go out until March I think.) Regardless I am $161 short which for the sake of ease I will round to $170 not including gas or groceries and I don’t have anything else to sell. I also need to buy cat food, litter, and feminine supplies. This is where things become relevant.
I will be doing writing commissions.
I personally cannot ask strangers, friends, or even family for money. I feel like I need to earn it or do something for it. In this case, I will be doing writing commissions. Before I list my rules and prices, I just want you all to know that if anyone does commission me, it is very likely that once this is over (and I will probably drop my rates) I will do an additional fic for you later on. This is just because you are helping me out in an emergency situation. Once again if you need any proof at all, please contact me and I will provide it.
My Commission Rules Are:
Nothing toxic. By this I mean ab/sive relationships, p/do, in/est stuff, legitimate b/stia//ty, n//con things of that nature. If you are not sure if it counts you are welcome to ask and I also understand ab/sive relationships is vague so feel free to ask me as well. I may be desperate, but not enough to do the other stuff.
I will not do anything relating or related to sinking ships or April Fools. Both of these things are triggers for me for different reasons.
I am willing to do NSFW pieces including gore and explicit ‘c;’ content if you can provide proof that you are 18+. Sorry, it’s just way too easy to lie about age and I do not want to provide a minor with NSFW material.
If I do not know you that well I ask that you pay half the commission fee up front and half after. If you have commissioned someone before and can provide proof that you paid them, then you can wait until after I complete the piece! This holds me responsible for my part and you responsible for paying me.
If I personally go over the word count on my own to get the fic to flow or if I really like it, it will be free of charge. I will only be charging to the amount that you ask for.
Now for my prices. I am setting it at $1 = 100 words. I find this very simple and effective. Additionally to encourage larger pieces I am making a deal that after every 1,000 words ($10) I will take $2 off the price. This means a 3,000 word fic would only be $26. If you want anything 10,000 words ($82) or higher please contact me and I may work out a better deal.
Please remember that these are just my emergency prices. They will go down a bit after this rough spot is over, but any help is greatly appreciated. For the sake of ease I will be putting all of my commission prices, and rules here.
Goal: $26 / $170! $144 to go! (1/10/2020)
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Who am I?
I am a survivor of domestic violence. Someone who fell in love with someone who is a narcissistic person yet has a major inferiority complex. I met him when I was 14 he was 26. I don’t even know how I laid eyes on him. I remember him smiling while trying to write something on a piece of paper against a wall and then pen wasn’t working (obviously). He was dressed nicely, a long sleeve white shirt, sleeves rolled up, khaki pants and dress shoes. He said hi and I stood there like a dummy. Somehow I recovered from his dazzling smile and said “Hi” back. And that is the beginning of this relationship.
I didn’t officially start dating this man until I was 16. You see when we met, he was in a relationship with someone else, someone who was closer to his age. Eventually he broke up with her and at the same time established a friendship with me. I've always been mature for my age and considered an old soul. It was always easy for me to relate to adults, probably because technically, I am an only child. My parents fought me tooth and nail about dating this guy, but they relented because I, for the first time in my life, became rebellious. A rebellious teenager? NO way. I wasn’t your typical teenager. I was submissive and docile to my parents. I enjoyed spending time with adults, and rebellion wasn’t something in my nature Or so I thought.
Six years later we married. BIG MISTAKE!!! I thought I was in love and maybe at one time or another I was but as time passed, the sparkle was lost. Law school was now only a dream. A dream I gave up because he felt inferior that I would be a lawyer and he was only a bookkeeper. Along came two beautiful boys, they are the only positives from this marriage. Mr. H decided that he was going to keep his paycheck separate from mine. He decided that we would purchase a house in an area that was almost an hour away from where we currently lived, taking me away from my family, he decided on the house, and he decided that my name would not be on the title to the property. I was told that since I did not have a job and did not have income that I could not be on title to the property. I did not have the experience or knowledge to question this and signed off on the documents. I later found out that he had a new deed drawn-up and put his sister on title, and his sister was the beneficiary for his life insurance policy, bank accounts, cars, etc.
Many people believe that domestic violence is just physical. Let me tell you that it is not. It is also mental and emotional trauma. Mr. H was and still is a master manipulator. He lied about working late, he lied about his drinking, he lied about money, he is a thief and get ahold of this...he can cry on command making himself out to be a victim.
When someone tells you constantly that you are worthless, that no one with a brain would give you the time of day since you had two kids and they are “baggage”, that you’ll never amount to anything because you only have a high school diploma and he graduated as a CPA (hahaha.he’s a bookkeeper), and a whole host of other things, you begin to believe it. He would tell me that if I left him, that I would not survive on my measly salary, that he would take my kids from me. DON’T BELIEVE IT! When that first hit comes, you eventually come to believe that you deserve that slap, beating and berating. Let me tell you..it is not true. You don’t deserve anyone putting their hands on you. You don’t deserve to be told that you are worthless. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a LIE. A LIE to make you feel inferior and to make him feel superior.
Know that you are always important, know that you are worthy, know that you are wonderfully made and deserve to be treated with love and respect. Get Out! Don’t believe the lies. Don’t be afraid. If I can do it, You can do it. If you need help PLEASE Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
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Pretend to be a "good guy" and exploit my buddy? Let me show you how to REALLY be an evil villain!
Hello there and welcome to a tale of (what I hope is at least somewhat) pro revenge. Be forewarned, it's a bit long.
Before I start, I would like to point out that this story did not take place in the real world, but instead took place in the online world of the space MMORPG called Eve Online. For those unfamiliar with it, it's a game where you fly around space with ships of varying sized (the largest up to 20km's) and basically blow shit up, or build stuff. It's one of the truest sandbox games out there.
Eve Online however, is notorious for being both extremely difficult, and VERY unforgiving. Certain practices that are straight out banned in other games, are not only allowed, but actively encouraged by the developers. Things such as scams, theft, espionage on a massive scale,... You name it, as long as it's done with the ingame mechanics, it's allowed and it's been done by a LOT of people.
Also, if a ship is destroyed, it's gone, poof, and you have to buy a completely new one.
Enter, myself. I was never a good guy, I was one of the worst of the worst, doing everything, using every dirtiest trick in the book, just to get the advantage and win fights, steal money, scam people. I would purposely look for defenseless corporations (the clan system in Eve) and then extort money from them. If they refused, I'd declare war on them and hunt them down mercilessly.
So you might be thinking, the pro-revenge was executed on myself? Well, sorry to disappoint, but no. Plenty of people have tried, all have failed.
No, this story is about a friend of mine that wanted to play the game. The problem was, he wasn't an evil bastard like I was and only wanted to build stuff peacefully. So I gave him some cash, advice, and left my calling card for when he ever got in trouble.
One of the pieces of advice I gave him, was to hook up with a decent corporation. They'd be able to help him further with the industrial side of the game (I know most of it, but not some of the finer details).
And here is where things went wrong. You see, in Eve, there's 2 things that I really dislike. The first is people that fuck over true friends, and the second is sleazy corporate CEO's (corporation leaders) that mercilessly exploit new players to do mindless drone work for them, while they stuff all the profits into their pockets.
Guess which type of CEO my friend managed to get himself involved with...
So after I was contacted by him, because he started to smell something fishy, he explained the situation and I was quickly able to verify that my buddy was not only selling his minerals to his CEO at WAAAAY under market price, the CEO was actually using those minerals to build capital ships (some of the biggest ships in the game), which he then sold on for a premium, raking in a massive amount of profit and not sharing any of it with his "subjects/slaves".
Consider my pet peeved...
I might be a bad guy, but at least I don't pretend to be a good guy while ruthlessly exploiting others and force them to do mindless work. I just straight up take everything that isn't bolted to the floor and take off.
So I went into evil genius mode and started planning. I started by telling my buddy to start putting in extra effort (keep in mind, he was thinking of just leaving that corporation at the time) and try and work himself into a position of power.
At the same time, I used a few of my many "alts" (second, third,... accounts with characters, I had 8 or so when I quit) to infiltrate his corporation. One of them was my own "industrial" character that had basic manufacturing skills, but an insane library of blueprints (the stuff you use to build stuff with, spoiler, they were all stolen at one time).
I used this character to get access to the corporation's POS-es (Player Owned Structure), that they were using to research their capital blueprints, using the excuse that I'd also like some time on there to research my own blueprints. After 3 days, I had the access I needed and stole everything. Their entire POS infrastructure and all of their blueprints that were there at the time. Totaling some 15 Billion isk (the ingame credit). Converted to real money at the time, it came to about 500 dollars in damage. (To put the 15 billion into perspective, that is the money that would, at the time, buy you 100 fully equipped battleships, just about).
However, I wasn't done yet. There was a reason I had infiltrated multiple characters, and several more were present as sleeper agents. Being a bit active, but not much, just enough to stay in the corporation. Meanwhile, my buddy was hard at work at proving himself to the corp. The CEO even complimented him publicly for his "new-found" vigor. I suppose a 7.5 billion paycheck will do that to you. He eventually managed to get himself promoted to "director", as one of the officers under the CEO.
I actually held off on phase 2 of my plan for well over a year and a half, in order to let the CEO recover a bit from the blow he'd been given. All this was taking place around the time when CCP (the developers) were introducing the replacement structures for POS-es, namely, citadels. I actually got lucky with my theft since not a month after I stole their research POS, CCP introduced the replacement structure (Engineering Complexes). Naturally, as soon as they had put down their first citadel, I struck again. This time on my main character that is a notorious racketeer.
I gave them an ultimatum to pay me 2 billion, or I would commence a war and destroy their citadel. They refused.
Naturally, it ended up in them being chased across half the cluster and dying in droves. They got desperate as I was finding them no matter where they went, even in the remotest of corners. This was because I had activated one of my sleepers a month before I had declared war. Using this character, I was aware of the location of every single member out in space, and I had a literal live feed on hostile comms.
That said, I did make it a point to hunt down the CEO whenever I got the opportunity, which led to him losing quite a few expensive ships.
Other groups had smelled the blood in the water though, and soon enough there were multiple incoming wars onto the corporation, which led to me getting an opportunity that I simply couldn't resist.
Earlier, I had given the CEO the idea for a fit (basically the gear you put on the ship) for a very expensive ship (a Vindicator if you're wondering). And I'd purposely made it VERY expensive with high end gear, with the hope that he'd be dumb enough to go ahead and just buy it to then use it against me (keep in mind, he had a habit of using his credit card to buy plex in order to sell that and get ingame money).
The bait was too juicy, and he took it, hook, line and sinker. Except there was one teensy tiny issue.
You see, in order to buy the ship, he'd gone to one of the main market hubs (Amarr) to buy the ship for the best prices, except there were guys from another war right there, waiting for him to undock from the station so they could blow him up (they may or may not have been friends of mine and they may or may not have received a tip).
So I jumped on the opportunity and used my sleeper agent to convince the guy, to trade his ship to one of my other characters, so I could transport it to his home base.
5 minutes later, and I was the proud owner of a shiny new Vindicator worth in excess of 2.5 billion.
Naturally, this burned my spy, but at the time, I couldn't care less, I had more.
Eventually, the war ended with their station being destroyed, multiple billions of ships destroyed (he actually bought a second Vindicator, and lost it against me), a 2.5 billion isk ship stolen and their corporation in tatters.
I wasn't done yet.
You see, I don't toy with my food, when I can, I go straight for the jugular.The first time around, I had to wait to execute my plan because my friend wasn't in a position of power yet. But now he was.
Using YET another one of my characters (no sleeper agent this time), I contacted the CEO and proposed a deal. I pretended to be a businessman and proposed to invest in his corporation due to the promise I saw in him.
I lured him in with the promise that I had 2 moons ready for mining (they had literally just released those structures and the possibility to use them in high security space) and that I would provide the infrastructure and ownership, and they could use it for a fixed percentage of their profits (the moons themselves being quite valuable, one single haul being upwards of 800 million). That, and a majority stake in corporate shares, through which the profits would be paid out. Naturally, the CEO didn't want to give up corporate control (I had been counting on it from the beginning), but we were able to arrange it so that I would receive 40% of the corporate shares, with both he and his 2 directors each taking 20%. That way they would still be in control of the corporation, but I'd be able to exert some pressure on them (in reality, shares are actually 100% useless if you don't have a majority control).
However, my buddy was a director, and as such, we did have a majority stake in their corporation.
As soon we knew the other director was going away for an extended weekend off-grid and the CEO logged off, my friend used his shares and ran for CEO.
Both my friend and I voted for him to win, and nothing could stop us. By the time the CEO got back online, it was too late. He'd been reduced to a grunt and was left to see as we emptied the corporate hangars from everything he'd put in there (a LOT of stuff, at least 20 billion worth).
We then kicked both him and the other director, and anyone else that was loyal to him.
Eventually, under the guidance of my friend, the corp was quite successful and they even decided to just outright buy my moon mining installations. Last I heard, they put up some more and are steadily growing.
I've since hung up my coat however and "won" Eve so to say.
But it's still one of my best stories from my time there.
(source) (story by Nunu_Dagobah)
#prorevenge#by Nunu_Dagobah#pro revenge#revenge stories#pro revenge stories#pro#revenge#revenge story#last10
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Do you have any entries on your blog that covers student loans and how to approach them for someone who is nervous about debt? Thank you!
Combined with the following asks:
I am an avid reader and impressed your journey. I read that you came from a lower income family but I noticed that you also went to top universities which is impressive. I am in the same situation and I am, going to take out thousands of dollars loans to pay for my dream college, is it something you would advise? What is the alternative for people in our situation?
If it is not too much to ask, how did you pay for college if your family was poor? As someone who is of similar background as yours. Thank you for the time you take to write to your readers and answer their questions
Between going to a european top college, staying far from my family and going into debt for it or attending a local college, staying home, but no debt, what is your opinion? What could be the best decision?
Higher ranked college + debt or lower ranked college + no debt?
Related:
Hi Mr-entj. Do you have any advice for becoming more financially literate?
General money management advice
Mr. ENTJ can you break down how to interpret the compensation from an offer letter such as salary and bonuses for someone with multiple offers trying to weigh options? What to look for?
Student Loans 101
I don’t give personalized financial advice but 5 things to know before you take out a student loan (applicable mainly to American students):
1. Understand the financial impact of student loans on your life after graduation
This is the absolute #1 priority and where students really get screwed over. Most people see the loan numbers on paper but don’t fully comprehend the day to day burden repaying that debt will have on their lives. Here’s an easy way to ballpark impact: for every $10,000 you borrow, you’ll need to pay back $100 per month … for 10 years (The average federal loan is at a 6% interest rate with a 10 year or 120 month repayment schedule).
This means:
$20,000 in student loans = $200 monthly payment
$40,000 in student loans = $400 monthly payment
$60,000 in student loans = $600 monthly payment
$80,000 in student loans = $800 monthly payment
$100,000 in student loans = $1,000 monthly payment
$250,000 in student loans = $2,500 monthly payment
These are very rough estimates because loans have varied interest rates. Use student loan calculators for more accuracy: BankRate Student Loan Calculator, FinAid Loan Calculator, and the Federal Student Loan Repayment Calculator.
Understand what you’ll make vs. what you’ll pay. For salary, remember that, roughly:
$20,000 annual salary = $500 per paycheck or $1,000 per month
$40,000 annual salary = $1,000 per paycheck or $2,000 per month
$60,000 annual salary = $1,500 per paycheck or $3,000 per month
$80,000 annual salary = $2,000 per paycheck or $4,000 per month
$100,000 annual salary = $2,500 per paycheck or $5,000 per month
For perspective, let’s put the student loan and salary data together. This means that if you graduate with a job that pays $40,000 per year but you have a $40,000 student loan you’ll bring home approximately $1,600 every month($2,000 salary - $400 monthly loan payment). For added perspective, the average cost of a 1-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles is $2400– and that’s just for housing– that doesn’t take into account other things you need to survive as a living and breathing human being like, say, food and water, clothing, utilities, health insurance, car insurance, car payment, gas, etc.
A general rule is not to take out student loans greater than your salary after graduation. I knew my salary after graduation would exceed $130,000 so I took out the loan and I’ve been able to pay it back with relative ease but it was a long and painful process that required many sacrifices. With my $1,100 monthly loan payment over 10 years, I could have bought 2 Corvette Stingrays but I also know that I couldn’t have the career I have today without taking on that debt.
2. Research universities, potential careers, job placement, and salary before you take out a loan
Don’t be that clueless ocarina major with $100,000 in student loans and no job post-graduation.
Some people say that college is a place to learn– and it is– but it’s also a financial investment in your future. If you want to attend college just to study your passion with no regard for post-graduation salary then consider going to a library, joining a hobby group, or surfing Google for hours instead because at least those options are free and they won’t bury you in decades of debt. College is a financial commitment amounting to tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars– don’t wander into it lightly.
Research:
Tuition and financial aid statistics by university. How much does it cost to attend each school? How much is housing? What other hidden fees are there? How much financial aid does the school give? What scholarships and grants are available to accepted students? What % of students receive aid? What is the average debt carried by graduates?
Reputation, rankings, and strength of programs by university. How is this school regarded in the industry, the state, the country, the world? What is the strength of the program you’re interested in? What companies recruit at your school? What is your university and program of choice ranked? Your college degree is your passport into the professional world and the more prestigious and well-regarded it is, the easier your journey will be. (Mr. ENTJ, do things like rankings, reputation, and prestige for which school you attend matter when it comes to your career?)
Career services and alumni network by university. What career services does the school provide? What companies recruit at your school? How active are the alumni of this school? How successful are the alumni of this school? Top companies recruit at top schools, it’s a very simple concept, so if you want to break into a very difficult industry this is a question to ask. Alumni are important because they’re the club you join post-graduation. The more successful and helpful alumni are, the more plentiful the opportunities throughout your journey.
Prospective careers by major. What can you do with your degree? What are the careers this major leads into? How much do those careers pay? What is the demand for those careers? How difficult is it to get a job in those fields?
Job placement and salary statistics by major. What is the average % of graduates who get jobs after graduation? What’s the average salary of those graduates? Look for salaries by major because schools often average salaries across the entire university and that’s misleading. An interpretive dancing major and a chemical engineering major will not make the same amount of money post-graduation.
I don’t give advice on what schools people should or shouldn’t attend or if they’re worth the debt but do thorough research and if the university has a prestigious reputation, strong program in a particular field, active alumni network, high job placement, generous financial aid, high salaries post-graduation, and good career support then that trends towards a worthwhile investment.
3. If you need to pay for college, remember this hierarchy: free money > federal loans >>>>> private loans
Free money includes grants, scholarships and other options that don’t require repayment. As a general rule, the better student you are (grades, GPA, test scores), the more money universities will throw at you because you’re a more attractive candidate and they know other universities are fighting for you to attend their schools. Students with bad grades and bad test scores get crappier financial aid packages because universities view you as someone who should feel lucky to have been accepted at all.
Federal loans are low-interest, fixed-rate loans funded by the government. These are preferred because they have flexible repayment methods like income based repayment (the less or more you money you make, the less or more money you pay back) or loan forgiveness (PSLF program). Still, free money is preferable to any type of loan.
Private loans are a last resort and only if grants/scholarships and federal loans don’t provide enough money to cover expenses of your first-choice school. Private loans are given by banks and banks are ran by businessmen who want to make money. They typically have high interest rates, high fees, and inflexible repayment plans. Remember that their primary goal is to make money, they are not here to help you achieve your academic dreams.
4. Never go into debt attending a for-profit school
(*People triggered by absolutes*: “Never?”) Never. Their degrees are worthless in the job market, attend accredited universities only.
The Lifelong Cost of Getting a For-Profit Education
5 Reasons You Should Avoid For-Profit Colleges at All Costs
For-Profit Colleges’ Teachable Moment: ‘Terrible Outcomes Are Very Profitable’
4 ways to avoid for-profit college abuses
My college degree is worthless
Why low-income borrowers should avoid for-profit colleges
Will a for-profit degree get you a job?
5. Above all, prepare ahead of time before you start applying to colleges
Get top grades and top test scores in high school because this will result in more generous financial aid packages.
Take as many AP courses and tests as possible because these can count for college credit and save hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, in the long run. I took so many AP courses in high school I entered college with sophomore standing.
Save money for college throughout your life from summer jobs, side jobs, allowances, etc. I didn’t have rich parents so I set aside a few dollars from each paycheck into a savings account.
Apply early for multiple grants and scholarships to accumulate as much free money as possible. This is a numbers game; the more you apply, the better chance you have of winning so search far and wide and blanket applications and essays to anything you remotely qualify for. I had so much scholarship money in undergrad that I made money going to college.
Consider community colleges. Attending community college for 2 years and then transferring to a university can save thousands of dollars in tuition and get you the same degree someone who paid 4 years of university tuition has. I did 2 years of community college then transferred to a top public university and saved $50,000 in the process (university is approximately $25,000 per year).
Resources
Grants and Scholarships
Finding scholarships
FastWeb Scholarships
U.S. Department of Labor Scholarships
Google any university’s name and the word “scholarships” for school-specific scholarships
Student Loan Calculators
Student Loan Term Comparison Calculator
Student Loan Payment Calculator
BankRate Student Loan Calculator
FinAid Loan Calculator
Federal Student Loan Repayment Calculator
Paycheck Calculators
Paycheck City Salary Calculator
Smart Asset Paycheck Calculator
ADP Paycheck Calculator
Career Salary Data
Glassdoor
Indeed
LinkedIn
Paysa
The Economic Value of College Majors by Georgetown University
2017-2018 College Salary Report by Payscale
Field of Study in College and Lifetime Earnings in the United States
There are countless statistics, stories, and articles that capture the impact of student loans:
r/studentloans
Student loans have become our modern-day debtors prisons
10 Ways Student Debt Can Destroy Your Life
The Mental Toll of Student Debt: What Our Survey Shows
Google News: “student loan crisis”
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Hope
Remember, if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, please get help.
Crisis Text (U.S.): 741 741
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
You know what I said a couple weeks ago about waiting a couple of weeks before you make a Drastic, Negative, Irreversible Decision?
Well, I have confirmed evidence that it is true. It sounds cliché as hell, but when you are staring down a dark tunnel you really cannot see the light at the end of it. It feels like the pain will never end, and that nothing will ever be different. This is definitely a lie, because things will get better.
They will, because you are going to make them better.
How?
Well, first of all, you need to realize that depression is not just caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Even if that is true, that chemical imbalance can be exacerbated by external circumstances. I am talking about real people, places, or things that generally contribute to your feelings of despair.
Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself.
· Are you in a romantic relationship that is sexually, physically, or emotionally abusive?
· Have you experienced childhood trauma?
· Are most of the people in your circle people who belittle, undermine, pressure, and/or demean you?
· Are you in a codependent relationship with a family member or significant other?
· Do you work at a job that has become unsatisfying, unfulfilling, or unbearable?
· Are you under lots of pressure to perform academically?
· Are you homeless, living in poverty, facing financial insecurity, or living paycheck to paycheck?
· Do you live in a war zone or a country where your basic safety and freedoms are constantly threatened?
· Do you have a chronic physical illness in addition to your mental illness?
· Do you spend most of your time alone and/or feel that you cannot depend on other people?
· Do you feel that you have to perform or put on a show in order for others to respect your needs, wants, or desires? (This includes having to pretend to be cis or straight in order to be respected or cared for)
· Do you base your self-worth on your money or achievements, only to have that self-worth come crashing down when you ask yourself “what’s next?”
· Are you afraid that others will “discover” that you are a fraud and do not deserve the status or position that you have?
· Do you constantly feel bored or unchallenged, like you are simply moving through the motions of life with no purpose or meaning?
I am aware that the author Johann Hari is a controversial figure, but so much changed for me when I read his book, “Lost Connections”. He looked at causes of depression—some of the things I just mentioned—and possible cures. These cures were not based primarily in treating patients with medicine. Lots of people claim that Hari discouraged or undermined the use of antidepressants in his book, but that was not the interpretation that I got.
My understanding is that he posited that the medicine is kind of a “jump-start” for the brain. I have experienced severe bipolar depression before. I was listless, monosyllabic, barely able to get out of bed or take care of my daily hygiene. I was under the care of my parents. The medicine did not “cure” me, but it gave me enough motivation to begin attending groups, psychiatrist appointments, and therapy sessions.
For most people, medicine is a part of a holistic treatment plan. In my case, it isn’t even the primary ingredient—especially since I no longer take antidepressants at all (A/N: I stopped under the supervision of a psychiatrist; never, never, never stop taking antidepressants or any other psychiatric medication cold turkey).
You see, once I got my manic symptoms under control with mood stabilizers, I thought I was in the clear, but I started to experience symptoms of depression again. However, this was the “good”, or “high-functioning” kind of depression. When you’re “high-functioning”, you can go through the day wishing you could die but you’re still alert, efficient, and outwardly cheerful. Unfortunately, this “less debilitating” depression kills more people. When you are in this state, if your goal is to die, you often have the energy and motivation to follow through. It is extremely isolating because most often, you have created the perfect illusion that everything is fine, and so others often don’t think to reach out to you to make sure you are okay. You also have created walls that you yourself may struggle to break through.
I knew that I wasn’t okay, so I reached out for help. My experience was similar to Johann Hari’s. I was put on antidepressants that would work for a while, and then they would stop, and I would be switched to another. My weight fluctuated wildly, and I experienced a variety of other unpleasant side effects. I was finally removed permanently from antidepressants when the antidepressant drug, Effexor, contributed to me having a mixed episode (mania + depression), which, like high-functioning depression, carries a high suicide risk. I have written extensively about the horrible withdrawal I experienced from Effexor.
This is not to say that my negative experiences are universal to all. Bipolar depression is often resistant to antidepressants, and most antidepressants carry the risk of pushing us into mania. People with Major Depressive Disorder/Unipolar Depression often respond better to antidepressants. My best friend has been on the same high dosage of an antidepressant for years and it helped to increase his motivation and pull him out of a rut. He, like me, though has attended therapy and changed key things in his life that were keeping him stuck.
My point—after saying all that—is to say that drugs alone won’t solve your problems.
Also, you have a real reason to be depressed.
This is not to say that neurons misfiring in your brain don’t contribute to your depression, or that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance. However, often there are things in our lives that make us feel small, trapped, or powerless, and these are often things that we can physically point to if we ask ourselves the right questions.
E N V I R O N M E N T A L
One big thing is work. You may work in a job you actually despise because you want to support your family. Most of us spend a third—or more—of our day at some kind of job. Maybe school is your job, and you’re drowning in a sea of assignments and deadlines.
Maybe there is no feasible way to leave that job or school (yet), but Johann Hari gives tips on how to hate it less. You could rearrange your schedule, change departments or majors, request different kinds of work, or otherwise try to find meaning in an outwardly shitty situation.
F I N A N C I A L
If you are in financial trouble, you could begin utilizing your community resources more. This includes getting local or government help with food and bills, but it also involves things like attending free job training and educational workshops or going to your local library so that they can connect you with employment resources. Libraries and colleges also often host hiring events and have bulletin boards where you can see the latest job postings for your area.
You could stop also depending on people financially who belittle you or make you feel guilty for receiving their help. Some people do nothing but give off unproductive energy—it isn’t worth it to receive assistance from these kinds of people, because you will never be able to do enough to pay them back. Even if you pay them back the physical resources, they will constantly try to violate your boundaries by saying, “Look at everything I did for you and you can’t even do X”. Run, do not walk, from these kinds of people.
A B U S E
As for abusive situations, these can be incredibly isolating. Your abuser has probably already driven wedges between you and your friends and family. You can however call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline and get help. If you feel like you are in danger—even if that person has never physically attacked you—you should still call and get help and advice. They can connect you with shelters and other resources. They also provide help for people who are suffering from spiritual abuse, an overlooked but often devastating form of abuse.
You can also call Day One Services and get help if you are dealing with emotional abuse.
I S O L A T I O N
It takes a community. It takes us leaning on each other and working together. The lie is that you do this thing called life alone. You don’t. In disaster zones or war-torn areas, depending on the community can mean the difference between life and death.
I know many of us don’t live in a disaster zone, but we still need community support. A lot of us don’t have friends—and struggle to make them—but if the Friendship Goal is too lofty, then you should start by just spending more time with people in general. You could start by just sitting in a coffee shop or going to a park and people watching. Or you could try to join online groups where you can speak freely about your hobbies. When it comes to taking the bigger steps, like joining an offline group or volunteering, set the bar super low.
I had been using Meet Up to try to find groups in my area, and I made this absurdly low goal of “attend one Meet Up this year”. Not five, three, or even two. Just one. I was terrified, but I did it. I still haven’t gone to another one, but it was a starting point. It helped my brain see that I could do it. Loneliness and isolation are dangerous; any small action you can take towards reducing those two factors will be incredibly helpful.
P E R S P E C T I V E
Sometimes our issue can be with the way we see the world; Johann Hari described some of these as “Disconnection from meaningful values”. If your fundamental view of the world is that you need to just continually climb the ladder of achievement—hording material wealth along the way— until you die, you lack meaningful values. If you have physical comfort, but your life lacks purpose or meaning, it can feel incredibly bleak. We need to both change our outward circumstances, and our behavior and way of thinking in order to see improvement. We need to stop thinking we deserve less, and instead start cutting out toxic people and working on moving out of toxic environments.
S U M M A R Y
At first, when I dropped out of my university, broke up with my boyfriend, and started planning to quit my job (and leave my overpriced apartment) I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Most therapists and psychiatric professionals would not recommend that someone with a mental health condition make that many changes at once. I overhauled everything within a six-month period, and the stress of it all made me need to go to inpatient. I was very ill physically for a while, lost tons of weight, racked up medical bills, etc.
In the end, though, what do I have? I can say that I am truly happy for the first time in ages. My tears are now happy tears. Everything worked out. I’m going to go to a much smaller, more accessible college for my Bachelor’s. I’m moving in with friends to save money and deal with the loneliness issue. I have a new job that is currently a much better fit than the old one was. My ex and I continue to be close friends, but it did take a period of adjustment. I was in big financial trouble, but now, with support, I am getting back on my feet. I was even able to sell my piano keyboard to make a few more simoleons.
Of course, sometimes I still feel very anxious because This Is A Lot, but my anxiety crisis is over. All these new life events are teaching me something that I severely lacked: flexibility. I am also now more resilient, knowing that having made it through this, I can make it through anything.
You are going to make it, too.
I understand that it is important to make sure you keep an internal locus of control. This means that certain things in your life are your responsibility and yours alone, and that you have power to change those things. You can’t make someone love you, but you can ask that they treat you with kindness, dignity, and respect, and remove yourself from the relationship with them if they do not acknowledge your request. You can’t singlehandedly change the world, but you can volunteer and do other things that make a difference in your local community. These changes often have a ripple effect that alter the surrounding areas for the better.
It is going to be hard to change your environment, improve your financial situation, and discover your purpose in life. You could think you have it all figured out, and everything can change. If you feel overwhelmed, please reach out for help. Trust me, tons of resources are just a Google search away. If you’re stumped, go to your local library and ask for advice or books on the subject you’re struggling with.
For those of you who can’t leave home, even here on Tumblr there are users who have compiled tons and tons of “master posts” for things like “How to Get a Job”, “How to Be Frugal” or “How to Make Friends.” Even if you can’t make it to your local library, there are often links to databases in the library catalog that have a wealth of information on every subject. I know a huge amount of you struggle with executive dysfunction so starting and completing tasks can be really hard, but there’s posts for that, too. Even if all you do is get out of bed today and eat something instead of laying in bed and constantly scrolling through here, that is a start.
I know this has gotten incredibly wordy, but the point of it all is please, please, PLEASE don’t give up! You really can make positive changes, but it takes time. Don’t throw all the time you might have left away.
#hope master post#how to have hope#suicide prevention#using community resources#removing toxic people#living with mental illness#living with anxiety#living with depression#changing your environment#getting rid of bad friends#leaving abusive relationships#spiritual abuse help#domestic abuse help#emotional abuse help#use your local library#places to find job help#reducing stress#johann hari#lost connections book
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Why am I still Having a Hard Time with Feeling Like Graduation is Important?
Is it expected for the master painter to be impressed when he creates a simple and non-challenging work? Should the master of debate be impressed with dominating a debate with a high schooler or the master chess player be proud of championing over the amateur? If nobody would be shocked with Valentino Rossi (considered the god of MotoGP racing) being able to drag knee at a local track day, why should anybody be impressed with me as an AP student graduating high school?
Look, I’m not saying that I’m not somewhat proud of my achievement, if one can call it that, but what I do feel proud of has nothing to do with high school as an institution. Yes, I am proud that I could see how integral calculus applies to real-world scenarios. I do somewhat find my ability to see how the pulling of union troops from the south and prematurely ending reconstruction following the civil war led to Jim Crow rising in the South. Obviously realizing how events in World War Two such as Japan’s Rape of Nanking impacts the tension between Chinese and Japanese people today or how the provisions within the Treaty of Versailles led to Hitler’s rise to power in Germany (as well as the rise of BMW motorcycles and cars as they exist today) is something few high school sophomores could grasp. However, I don’t see my diploma as that. I can’t honestly say that I feel I even earned it; honestly, the American high school diploma may as well be considered a constitutional right at this point.
Can you really say that it’s an achievement to be awarded something that everyone has too? I understand that my GPA is well-above a 4.0, but what’s that matter if the jackoff in the seat next to me slept through class half the time, nearly never gave an effort, and was a C and D student? Having been to a graduation ceremony, I know that they try to make it out like everyone is accomplishing something big. Really? How is it that my struggles in high school were the same as the person next to me, or three rows behind me, or so on and so forth? No, I reject this theory. For many, high school was just a passive thing, perhaps even one actively resisted. For some, it was more difficult than for me. But given the roughly 80% graduation rate of last year, I don’t know if it’s all that special.
Back to me for another minute here. Would one rather ride a slow bike fast or a fast bike slow? The experienced rider always picks the former. Why? Because to do such a thing is a challenge and an achievement, but to stick a BMW S1000rr or a CBR 1000rr on a highway at 65mph is not. To an extent, I feel like that was much of my high school experience. Go there, sit down, shut up, and do the work. Hell, I don’t know that I ever had a major point where I was worried that I wouldn’t pass a class. I look at high school and my experience with it and feel like I’m John from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. Within the novel, a nanny-state that is totalitarian in nature keeps power by socially engineering castes of people based on intelligence via artificial breeding and birthing, encouraging sexual promiscuity, distributing drugs, and the like. Effectively, the state has created perfect stability; there is no need for any struggle. John, a savage from outside the society at one point proclaims, “ I want justice, I want good, I want evil, I want Sin…” The world controller he is with retorts by saying, “ You are in a sense proclaiming the right to be unhappy.” John then responds, “I claim them all.” I look at high school and I’m not even sure I earned my diploma; even if one does put in solid effort, can one say it matters when the bar for success is set so low?
And on the topic of claiming them all and questioning whether or not you’ve earned something, why does everyone feel obligated to give me a graduation present or money? When you get a paycheck from your job, if you’re a good employee you never question if you deserve the money you’re receiving. Why? Because you know damn-well you’ve earned it. I look at those who have already made it clear that I’m getting a graduation gift and I question why I’m even getting one. I’ve provided no service for them, done no deed for them, and truthfully not worked all that hard. So, why then are they giving me shit? I honestly find it slightly suspect. Are they using me to jack themselves off and gratify their own existence? If so, they can shove that money up their ass. I’m not here to let them live vicariously through me; there’s a fucking reason I’m not the starting quarterback. Are they doing it because it’s what’s socially acceptable? Look, they’re my family and they love me; I get that. But, there’s something nongenuine about giving sums of money in excess of $500 dollars[1]. I don’t know, it feels like this is turning a private victory or achievement into a public spectacle that I didn’t ask for. I think part of it may actually be a ploy by the high school graduation industry. When we had the salesman for the company that does our caps and gowns come talk to us, he started talking about graduation presents and gifts. I told him flat-out that the word for that is called bribery; he responded that’s exactly what it was. How in the fuck is bribery okay in this instance.?!
And, if this really is my big achievement, should I not have the right to not celebrate it. My grandmother was less than amused when I told her I wasn’t participating in the graduation ceremony. She gave the whole rundown of how my family would feel and how it’s disrespectful to teachers, etc,etc. Look, if it’s not my achievement, fucking say it. Admit that you’re an authoritarian prick and that I just need to shut up and take the dick up my ass of letting graduation be a big deal. But if it’s not, let me do as I please. I would rather be sitting on a riverbank with a couple of friends and a fishing pole than listening to my principal who doesn’t give a shit about me talk about his philosophy of life. I feel like Stan Marsh in the episode of South Park on voting where he says that it doesn’t make sense to vote if his choices are between a turd sandwich and a giant douche. I feel it’s quite relatable to my situation here. It’s my achievement and it’s a big grand thing…unless I don’t want it to be. In which case, I’m just an asshole and need to shut up because it’s not about me (my current stepdad had literally said that to me in eighth grade when I first said I wasn’t interested in High school graduation).
Look, I’m trying to figure out why this irks me and disturbs me so much. Maybe there’s something inside me that is being upset by this, and maybe there isn’t. I wish I felt like this was a big deal, I really do, but I don’t. There were things in high school that I am proud of myself for doing, but I don’t feel my diploma reflects those things; I’m a critical thinker and a free thinker, no piece of paper could ever internalize that for me—it’s something I’ve already done and that only I can do. Even when it comes to celebrating it, I would rather it be sitting around a campfire with a couple of friends being dumbass teenage boys. I would rather it be out on a motorcycle ride with those in my family who also ride. The last way I want to celebrate it is by shaking the hands of a bunch of school board members who’ve passed policies that I genuinely feel were massive middle fingers to those in the school who are academically-concerned. I honestly just don’t get the point. I look at high school and graduation, and I guess I don’t feel like I had much purpose for it. To quote Eminem: “And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it. I spent so much energy on it honestly I’m exhausted.” I’m looking at it going, “What for”. I guess I’m at a loss.
[1] That amount is based on a conversation between me and my grandfather. He said that just the money I would receive from them is enough for a set of high-end aftermarket lights for my motorcycle. These lights start, start, at around 800 dollars.
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Trump Sets Record With Longest Government Shutdown Ever
The partial government shutdown has now gone on for 22 days, making it the longest such closure in U.S. history.
Many of the affected federal employees had missed at least one paycheck as of Saturday, when the shutdown hit record length. The financial stress is leading some workers to look for other jobs, ask relatives for money, apply for unemployment or even go without essentials like medication. Meanwhile, other Americans are facing a host of inconveniences and hardships, from shuttered museums to delayed farm loans.
“We’ve dipped into our savings account already. If it keeps going, my husband said he’ll call his parents and see if they’ll lend us some money,” said DeCarann Speaks, a mother of two and the wife of a Border Patrol agent in Vermont who is working without a paycheck. “Some days I just want to sit and cry. But I have to stay positive for my children.”
President Donald Trump is insisting that Congress give him $5.7 billion to build a wall on the border with Mexico, a proposition Democrats describe as a costly and immoral boondoggle. With talks at a standstill in Washington, the president headed to the border on Thursday to make his case for the wall. He said he is considering declaring a national emergency to get the funding Democrats have denied him, a maneuver all but certain to be challenged in court.
The impasse has meant that roughly a quarter of federal government functions are no longer funded, with agencies including the Department of Homeland Security, the Interior Department and the Internal Revenue Service largely shut down. Approximately 380,000 federal employees have been furloughed and are out of work, while another 420,000 are still working as “essential” personnel but are not being paid.
It’s just ridiculous that people have to suffer and go through hardship and be stressed out.Larry Howard, worker at the National Zoo
The shutdown, which began Dec. 22, was technically the third to take place in 2018, although the first lasted a mere three days, and the second lasted just a few hours and did not result in any furloughs. There have been 21 similar funding lapses since 1976, but only a handful of major shutdowns in which workers went without pay. Until now, the longest one had been a 21-day shutdown starting in December 1995, amid a deadlock between then-President Bill Clinton and congressional Republicans.
The current closure had only marginal impact on the general public at first, when many people were on vacation for the holidays and government offices were closed anyway. But as the shutdown drags on with no obvious end in sight, Americans are growing more aware and more annoyed by the disruption. More than four in 10 Americans now consider the partial shutdown a very serious problem, according to a HuffPost/YouGov poll conducted Jan. 4 to 7.
The Trump administration has tried to mitigate some of the most noticeable effects of the shutdown to avoid public backlash. For instance, the National Park Service kept many parks open but with reduced staff, leading to piled-up trash and damaged vegetation in parks like Joshua Tree.
With the shutdown bleeding into tax season, the Internal Revenue Service is calling some employees back from furlough in order to process refunds after a change in policy from the White House. And the Agriculture Department announced a complicated plan to continue food assistance for the poor into February, to keep people fed and avoid further economic damage.
Government shutdowns are costly affairs. Federal agencies must spend time and energy developing contingency plans in the runup to a closure, then have to make up missed work once the government finally reopens. As the messy situation in national parks has demonstrated, the government’s work does not stop just because funds haven’t been appropriated for that work. Agencies will face a backlog of responsibilities to handle once they are fully operational again.
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Shutdowns can also hurt the broader economy, as workers tighten their budgets due to missed paychecks and consumer confidence dampens. The Bureau of Economic Analysis estimated that the 2013 shutdown of 16 days reduced GDP for the fourth quarter of that year by 0.3 percentage points.
Congress has already appropriated funding for roughly three-quarters of the federal government, leaving many agencies unaffected by the shutdown. House Democrats, who assumed the majority last week, passed bills that would reopen shuttered agencies other than DHS, which is at the center of the funding dispute. But Republican leaders in the Senate have refused to take up those bills and stood alongside the president, who threatened to veto any legislation without full wall funding.
The House and Senate approved a bill to pay all federal employees who have been missing paychecks, including those who were furloughed. But Trump still has to sign the bill. If he does, the workers would not receive any pay until the government reopens and payroll is processed.
Meanwhile, workers must still figure out how to pay their bills without a regular paycheck. Many are turning to interest-free loans or applying for unemployment benefits, which workers must return if they eventually receive backpay.
Trump’s threat that the shutdown could go on “for years” rattled many workers unsure of how they’ll cover their mortgage and car payments. The shutdown is a particularly raw deal for employees working under federal contracts, as they are not directly employed by the government and typically don’t get backpay.
Some days I just want to sit and cry. But I have to stay positive for my children.DeCarann Speaks, wife or a border patrol agent working without pay
One such worker is Larry Howard, a 62-year-old guest services associate at the National Zoo in Washington. The zoo is part of the sprawling Smithsonian network, which closed on Jan. 2 as a result of the shutdown. Howard said he is employed by a non-profit contractor, the Friends of the National Zoo, earning $13.50 per hour in his part-time position. His last payday was Jan. 4, and he doesn’t expect to receive a check next week as he normally would.
Howard had to ask his landlord for leniency on his January rent, paying only $400 of the $800. He also asked for more time to pay his electric bill ― an indignity he says he shouldn’t have to suffer.
“The way this situation is, there’s no other choice but try to persuade them that they’ll get that money ... when I can get it to them,” said Howard, who is an activist with Good Jobs Nation, a union-backed group pushing for higher pay for federal contractors. “It’s just ridiculous that people have to suffer and go through hardship and be stressed out.”
Some Democrats are supporting a bill that would provide backpay for people like Howard who work under federal contracts and lost wages because of the shutdown. Such a bill has not made it into law in the past. “I hope that Congress will step up to the plate and pass some kind of bill for the contractors who aren’t getting anything,” Howard said.
Speaks, whose husband works for the Border Patrol along the U.S.-Canadian border, said both she and her husband have student loans to repay. She recently earned a degree in medical assisting and her loan repayments began just before the new year, right around the time her husband received his last paycheck.
For now, they are getting by on Speaks’ salary at her hospital. Although their two children are just 8 and 9 years old, “They understand that we have to budget really well right now,” Speaks said. The family halted their Netflix and Hulu subscriptions and put other non-necessities on hiatus, including a 10-year anniversary trip planned for this year.
Speaks said she found it particularly galling that members of Congress continue to get paid as federal employees work with their paychecks on hold.
“I just really wish they would focus on the people they’re affecting,” Speaks said. Workers like her husband and his colleagues “are out there risking their lives,” she added, “and they’re not getting paid. It’s not fair.”
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I’m so happy I got this Monday off. I really needed it. Last Friday I was the only one in the office and I had 2 major tasks to fill in for the others who couldn’t be there because of Covid. We were suppose to get off at early but I ended up leaving 40 mins after closing because those tasks weren’t complete. One of my co workers, who was at home dealing with Covid, was so sorry and kept checking in to see if I made it out of the office on time. I was a bit sloppy but tried to label where I left off properly.
But yeah...my first week completed. It was a whirlwind of information and on my first two days I got caught up in learning that I took lunch late. It was also then when I found out I was a SALARY EMPLOYEE. This is my first salary position...ever. Finally made it here after 33 years. Whew. I saw my first paycheck stub and they actually counted the days since I accepted the job offer as my start date, even though I didn’t start until a week later. I’m not sure if that’s standard but I was grateful either way.
I have my own desk, all my own equipment and my own extension number with my name that lights up on the phone. I feel like I’m being challenged, mentally stimulated and encouraged. Dare I say I’m actually enjoying this? I’m having a little bit of fun at work?!
I also get to wear all my professional clothes I spent over $800 on over 5 years ago that have been sitting in my closet all this time. I’m still on the fence if I want to go to school for a marketing degree or just suck it up and go to law school but we’ll see. I mean...I can always do both. Not at the same time...but..who knows. I’m pretty good at both and they’ll work well together.
I wrote down my goals for the new month of June. I have a game release later this month so I want to get everything knocked out by then. I have to get my passport, become a notary, pass all my tests and assignments, lose 5 lbs and make over $500 on my side business. There are also 2 family birthdays this year. Both of them are right after Father’s day so it will be a tight month. I’m not going to be a big spender because my credit card bill this month is out of this world but I can at least set some money aside to visit them.
So let me tell you why my cc bill is so freakin high. This past weekend I went zip lining! At night! Under the stars! It was so much fun and probably the scariest thing I’ve done in years. It was a late Mother’s Day gift for my mom, and an early Father’s Day gift for my dad. They both have done it before on their various vacations but it was a first for me and Chu. The whole trip was expensive and not something I’d jump to do again if I have to foot the bill for that many people but man it was crazy. Seeing all the redwoods up close like that, taking the idyllic drive through wine country to reach the weird little art town that hosted the camp was very fun.
I couldn’t have my phone on me for obvious reasons but if I go back I’ll do it during the day so I can have the goPro option. I want to have more adventures like this. After my illness and being stuck in the house for those 2 years I’m ready to explore again. I haven’t had a major flare up in some time and I keep my meds on me just in case. I have a better eating schedule and have been leaning more toward fresh fruit, raw veggies and no process foods. I could be doing a lot better on those fronts but I have a good habits now.
The sucky thing is that I took a break from the gym for no apparent reason. I’ve been kinda beating myself up about it this whole time but a few days off turned into a week and then two...and now three. I told myself its pretty normal, despite going for 5 days a week since the beginning of this year it’s still not fun to me. Its still very much a chore and I’ve been trying to wiggle back to where I was. First it was when Chu got home because I stopped a week before his flight was due back. Then I took a week off to cuddle, bond and love on him. Then I got the job...and I said I’d need a week to just settle into my role and new daily schedule before I throw in my hour workout on top of that. So here we are. Here I am. Sitting on the couch on a Monday evening, telling myself that its a holiday so I should relax and that the REAL week starts tomorrow...after work, of course. I thought the morning would be more my speed because I’ve been waking up around 5:30-6am but Chu does PT in the morning and would rather go after dinner. So I said okay.
I can’t get a in person coach until after Dec, which is when this contract is up. I don’t think I’ll renew. I want a bigger gym and access to a pool. Problem is this gym is super close to my house. Less than 5 mins away actually. I don’t want to make it harder on myself but it’s just not spacious enough. Covid is still a thing and even though I wear my mask, even there, I would still like not to be snugged in there with the after 5pm crowd.
I have time, and taking a break is fine. I really gotta appreciate the journey.
Sp yeah. Welcome June. I can’t wait to smash through you so I can enjoy Fire Emblem: Three Hopes in peace.
#personal#dear diary#journal#pbthoughts#ziplining#june#june goals#2022#gamer girl#career#I'm not editing this#adventure
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Life in Korea Update #2
Things are hard.
Almost nothing but trouble since day one. Trying really hard not to be a burden in my friend’s apartment for three weeks. Couldn’t get back into China to get my Korean visa or to retrieve some of my junk that I left in people’s houses. Stressed out and disappointed a lot of people, including myself.
Survived going to Japan and back, but started training almost immediately after getting back to Korea. My body was not having it.
Got sick during training (thanks a lot chronic illness) making it way harder than it already was.
Found out I failed the health check. Was told I needed to take a re-test, which I took. “Maybe leukemia???” Cool.
I somehow tore a ligament around the first day of work and have been wearing a giant boot on my foot for about a month.
About two weeks ago, my Chinese debit card stopped working, and I have had to go through a lot to get to my money. Still haven’t gotten it yet, but I might be getting close? I’ve had to ask for help from a lot of people, which is not a thing a like to do. I’ve already lost a friend in the process. One of the friends whose house I left some of my stuff at, and one of the only ones that’s been able to help. Neat. You know how people do the thing where they’re like, “I’m here if you ever need anything!” Me: -needs something- Them: -peaces out-
Not a fan.
All this time, I’m staying up late trying to figure out crap with PayPal, then waking up early for work, where I think I’ve become known as “That Girl” because I’m crazy behind on everything, and I can’t seem to do anything right, and I’m just a major inconvenience for most of my coworkers. I look and feel like crap every day. Some people are kind enough to blame it all on me being in pain (boot), but it doesn’t even hurt anymore, really. It’s just hard for me to do this every day knowing that I might not even be able to stay in the country. Somehow my company has been letting me work for over a month, knowing that there is a chance I’ll get kicked out of here soon. They already have my replacement.
Since I haven’t been able to get to my money, the company paid for part of my health check. I now owe the company about $800. They said they could take it out of my paychecks, but I don’t know how many paychecks I’m gonna get. I think my foot is close to being healed, but I can’t afford to go back to the doctor to get the boot off. The doctor at the last health check says I look mostly okay, but due to government stuff, I need to get a CT scan to make sure. I can not afford the CT scan. The other doctor says she thinks I have another disease, but she won’t know until I take another blood test in 6 months. I don’t know if I’ll be here in 6 months, but if I am, that’ll be another 6 months of not knowing whether or not I can stay in the country.
I’ve been trying really hard to not get close to people or develop any kind of relationships because I know I might not be able to stay, and it’d just hurt more. It also just seems unfair to everyone else. It’s getting harder to keep this all a secret from the people around me at work. Everyone is talking about the things they’re buying for their apartments, the vacations they’re gonna take, meeting people. It’s tiring.
I’m down to about $10. If I don’t get to my money soon, I don’t really know what will happen.
Bitch, moan, whine, complain.
All of this is happening, but I’m grateful because on my last birthday, I was in a hospital in Beijing, trapped with an absolutely awful doctor, not receiving proper treatment, not being told anything, and being hated by my coworkers over something I couldn’t control. This birthday is a good birthday because I’m finally where I worked so hard to be. Things aren’t going well now, but I’m still here, and maybe I’ll get to stay. Happy birthday to me. :)
And happy Chuseok. :)
❤️🇰🇷
(Also, sorry for not responding to you guys’s messages. My computer is being weird, and you know how the tumblr app is. And I’m just a wreck, so. But I’ll get back to y’all when I can.)
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