#80° at the end of October ain’t too bad

[mysterygrl20]

i went to my local pride fest today. wish i could have stayed longer to watch all the drag shows/performances they had planned.

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1984

Under the cut.

Yes -- "Owner of a Lonely Heart" -- January 21, 1984

The full version of this song is way too long. Not surprising from a former prog rock band. The music is good and interesting, but it loses me before the end even in the shorter single version. There's too much stuff. As for the lyrics, maybe that prog rock gloss made people think they were profound, but they look like self-help. Some incredibly 80s Reagan-era individualism, better to be alone than to be hurt, you're the only one you can count on, blah blah blah. Not for me. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Culture Club -- "Karma Chameleon" -- February 4, 1984

The video to this song has nothing to do with it, unless there's supposed to be a connection between the con artist on the fantasy world 19th century steamboat and the guy who keeps coming and going whom Boy George is singing to. And I didn't fully realize the "you come and go" double entendre until just now. I like the video, anyway. And I like the song quite a bit. It's a very cheerful-sounding song about being strung along by some asshole.

Van Halen -- "Jump" -- February 25, 1984

Van Halen was something boys were into. It's weird how we delineate these things. At least back in 1984, if it got coded as a boy thing, then if you were a girl and also found it interesting, you'd damn well better hide it or certain other more socially powerful kids would tear you to shreds. That was my experience, anyway. (And if other girls were into it and you were not, you were also in serious trouble.) So though when I heard Van Halen songs I thought, "hm, I'm intrigued," I did not dare pursue that interest. Except for this song. This one was allowed. It's fun.

Kenny Loggins -- "Footloose" -- March 31, 1984

Footloose is a pretty good movie. At least I remember it being so when I eventually saw it in college in the 90s. Anything that stands against censorship, and for art and people having fun, already has an in with me. Also Kevin Bacon's great. The song isn't about the movie particularly; it's just about how dancing is wonderful. Though there is a hint at the movie: "You're playing so cool/ Obeying every rule/ Deep way down in your heart/ You're burning yearning for some/ Somebody to tell you/ That life ain't passing you by/ I'm trying to tell you/ It will if you don't even try." Yeah. Agatha Christie at one point lamented that young people in the 1950s were far too serious and self-righteous, and really needed to go dance in fountains. I feel the same now as she did then. Though wait until after the covid vaccine's been widely taken. Anyway, this is a good dance song.

Phil Collins -- "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)" -- April 21, 1984

It's a lament about being dumped. Apparently, Collins wrote it about his wife leaving him out of the blue, taking the kids and the dog with her. Ouch. There's a great drum part, which keeps the song from being too boring, but I still don't like it. Phil Collins' serious love/heartbreak songs don't do it for me. I find this one depressing without being cathartic.

Lionel Richie -- "Hello" -- May 12, 1984

I remember this video from when it was on the air. Mostly because of the Lionel Richie clay head. But also because I was like... is she his student? Isn't that a bad thing? Even though she's an adult in college, I still thought you weren't supposed to do that? I've had a major squick against teacher/student relationships, even in fiction, since I was a kid. Possibly this is because I come from a family of professors. (I didn't get a PhD and am therefore the black sheep.) Without reference to the video, the song is terrible. The lyrics are just repetitive cheese, whatever, but the song is so slow and blah and I don't like Lionel Richie's singing.

Deniece Williams -- "Let's Hear It For the Boy" -- May 26, 1984

I keep being surprised that there are people who think someone is worthless if they don't have a lot of money and don't dress fashionably. In this song, the titular boy also can't dance, but is that a thing that people get dinged for in reality? I don't know, maybe. This song was in Footloose, and it's the same sentiment as "My Guy"; her boy isn't some smooth-talking rich brat, but "he's my lovin' one-man show." He's like Edward Ferrars, not Willoughby. It's a fun song.

Cyndi Lauper -- "Time After Time" -- June 9, 1984

This is one of the greatest songs ever. Not just pop songs. Any song, of any type.

Duran Duran -- "The Reflex" -- June 23, 1984

These lyrics make no sense. That doesn't matter for this song much, which is all about the music. Which is not the best of Duran Duran's music. For all the many, many, MANY different musical ideas in it, it's actually kinda boring. They'd have done better to simplify. I imagine this sounds something like cocaine feels, though drinking way too many Mountain Dews to pull an all-nighter's my only comparison. Duran Duran were never my favorite, but I do enjoy many of their songs. This one, meh.

Prince -- "When Doves Cry" -- July 7, 1984

Prince only two songs after Cyndi Lauper? Is it my birthday? The song's lyrics start out being about the amazing chemistry between the narrator and "you." That establishes why they're together. Then Prince moves on to how they "scream at each other," and it's what it sounds like "when doves cry." He's accusatory -- "How could you just leave me standing/ Alone in a world so cold?" But then he goes right into thinking maybe it's his fault: "Maybe I'm just too demanding" etc. It's a sexy, thoughtful, and anguished song about a relationship in trouble. I like to think they'll overcome their problems and stop screaming at each other. Trust me, it's very possible. Also the music is great.

Ray Parker Jr. -- "Ghostbusters" -- August 11, 1984

Um. I have no idea how to evaluate this one. I heard it first in the theatre when I saw the movie, but I heard it years after every week when I watched the cartoon. It just... is.

Tina Turner -- "What's Love Got To Do With It" -- September 1, 1984

I have an overwhelming memory of hearing this song when I was alone in the grocery store as a teenager. I have no idea why the memory's so strong. Maybe it was the first time I went to the grocery store by myself? Maybe I ran into a guy I had a huge crush on, though I don't remember that? (If I was 16, that could have been one of any three guys... Romance is my secondary aspiration, after all.) In any case, it's a good song. The attempt to pretend love is a bunch of chemicals and doesn't truly matter is a pretty common one for the broken-hearted. And Tina Turner's great as always.

John Waite -- "Missing You" -- September 22, 1984

Two songs in a row about being in denial over matters of love. Interesting. This isn't the most fascinating song ever, but it's a good solid song about heartbreak that isn't gloopy at all. In the main vocals, Waite keeps insisting "I ain't missing you," but in the background is a soft voice that sings "missing you" over and over. That's a smart artistic move.

Prince and the Revolution -- "Let's Go Crazy" -- September 29, 1984

I liked a lot of pop music when I was 7, but I didn't get Prince. His songs sort of slid out of my brain as a "thing for grownups," and who could understand grownups? He was short and wore fancy outfits, and that's about all that registered. When I hit puberty, though... yeah. This song is more adult than that, though, and I don't mean sexually, though there is plenty of sex in this song. "You better live now/ Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door." The song is about sex, partying, and death. Also Prince was an astonishing guitarist, along with everything else. It's not one of my favorite Prince songs, because the lyrics are pretty depressing and it's super loud, but it's still great.

Stevie Wonder -- "I Just Called To Say I Love You" -- October 13, 1984

I never really listened to the background beep-de-boops in this song before. I've wondered before why this song, with its simple lyrics and melody, didn't bore me. It's the beep-de-boops. They, along with Stevie Wonder's perfect delivery, make this song musically complex. And the simple lyrics, with the more complex musical counterpoints, absolutely work. It helps that this is the kind of thing people really do.

Billy Ocean -- "Caribbean Queen" -- November 3, 1984

That heavy breathing after the line "I get so excited just from her perfume" is unfortunate. Otherwise, it's a song about how he met this "Caribbean Queen" on vacation and she "tamed" him so he's no longer looking for "love on the run." Sure, why not. I'd like a little more story to it, but that's me. It's got a good beat though, and is enjoyable enough as-is.

Wham! -- "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" -- November 17, 1984

I just realized I don't like this song. The beat and hook are sort of irresistible, and as a dance song the music absolutely works. But there's too much nostalgia about stuff that George Michael actually wasn't old enough to be nostalgic about. He was only 21 at the time, born in 1963, and yet he was singing about Doris Day. You can homage anything at any age, but... meh. And speaking of age, it's kind of a childish song and George Michael's voice was always more on the mature end, even if he was young at the time. For me, it hits a jarring note.

Daryl Hall & John Oates -- "Out of Touch" -- December 8, 1984

The beginning makes it sound like this is gonna be a relatively hard rock song, but that ends after a pretty short time. It's still really loud, with huge drums, and Hall pretty much shouts the song. Hall & Oates were great when they stripped stuff down. All this noise doesn't work for them. There are neat parts when all the noise suddenly stops and there's total silence, but then it goes right back to the rather uninteresting loudness. Not for me.

Madonna -- "Like A Virgin" -- December 22, 1984

And so it begins. Backstory: Madonna went to the same high school as my mother. She was friends (maybe more? he won't talk) with one of my uncles. When my grandmother saw the Like A Virgin album on the rack at the store, she said, "I'm so glad [he] didn't marry that girl." When my mother told me that, my reaction was "Are you kidding? We'd be rich!" But my family cares about PhDs and not money. My uncle ran wild in high school, but eventually became a successful career diplomat (and stopped being a jackass) after the woman he was in love with told him he'd better shape up or else. Also he looks a lot like Guy Ritchie, so that was weird for a while. I'd be in the grocery store and for a second think, "Why's my uncle on The Enquirer with Madonna?"

So anyway, the song. The way Madonna sang it in later iterations, I like it. I can't stand the version that became a #1 hit. The Betty Boop voice is just ugh. I love a lot of Madonna's music, and she would be something of an inspiration to me in later days, with her unapologetic persona as a woman who liked and wanted sex -- and enjoyed shocking the censorious -- but I was 8 at the time. I didn't get any of it, I just knew she sounded squeaky in this song and it bugged me.

BEST OF 1984: "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper. WORST OF 1984: "Hello" by Lionel Richie

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

I want to tell you... (Part 8.)

Description: Nathan Drake is not the exact definition of an unhappy man. His job is steady, his friends still see him from time to time, he plays football, but his marriage is his main problem. Many things will change when a special person comes to his life.

Part Summary: Some things from the past are about to be revealed slowly... And you don’t know if you feel relieved that Nate knows first bits about you or if you want to keep the things secret. 

A/N: x

Word counter: 2.7 K

Tagging: @missdictatorme​, @peakymarvels​, @nemodoren​, @flavorishy​

Series master list: H E R E

Nathan’s car sing-along playlist: H E R E

This time, Nathan promised himself to be better than before - and he texted you right the other morning when he woke up. First, he was feeling weird about it, but as soon as you texted back, a grin appeared on his lips. You've even sent him a photo of your completely moved-in living room with a heart emoji, which made grin all shift long.

It took exactly three days before your other hangout. Your semester was starting in October and you hadn't got many friends in the town, so when Nate offered you any kind of escape from the loneliness, you've accepted right away.

The hangout wasn't originally even Nate's idea - it was Sully's. They were just hanging out at Sully's place, Florence has been gone for the shift, and both boys were getting ready to visit a farmer market in the nearby city when the idea crossed Victor's mind.

"Hey, kid?" - Sully sighed as he walked out of the bedroom, adjusting his belt on his jeans. Nathan expected the old man to ask if the visage suits him, but Victor pulled a completely different Uno card.

"You know, I was thinkin' about that girl of yours. Ain't she free for the day? I mean... A bit of help never hurt anyone, amirite?" - The old man adjusted his Cuban shirt, having Nathan thinking about two things in particular. How could he charm Florence while wearing such fashion crime and why on earth he wanted to meet you? The first one was bothering Nate way more, but he still asked about the second subject. - Why would I invite her to shop with you?" - Nate asked confusedly, earning a chuckle.

"Because you, boy, have been staring outta window the whole time I've been in the bedroom, thinkin' about her. Didn't you?" - Sully asked, knowing he's right. Nate was thinking about you - yet he was thinking about the best text to respond with to your last joke. It wasn't like he was just mindlessly signing, talking about how pretty you were. - "How am I lookin'?" - Sully turned at himself in the mirror, putting a cigar between his lips and aviators on his eyes, before hooking them on the hem of his white top. Nathan rolled his eyes, standing up.

"Like someone whos too old to be attractive, but he still thinks he has it. Come on." - The younger man asked, already hearing his phone ringing as he called you, hoping you wouldn't pick up. To his bad luck, you've picked just after the second sound. Your voice told Nate that you're really glad to hear him.

"Hey!" - A joyful cheer came out of the phone, making Sully chuckle at your excitement as he locked the apartment door.

"Hi, nice to hear from you." - Nathan greeted you back nervously, looking at the old man giving him his well-known grin. Nate felt like a nervous girl asking her boy out to the prom, so he took in a deep breath to ask you if you'd like to join them, being interrupted by your giggle. - "You're out of breath? You're jogging or something? I mean, jog in this weather is a suicide, but you do you." - You rambled, being lost in the thoughts inside of your head.

The weather was beautiful, indeed. The sun was shining, and the air was nicely warm, so it would be ideal weather to go to the beach for a swim. But having you thinking that Nathan is jogging made Sully chuckle as the young man rolled his eyes at him. Nathan would jog only if necessary and Victor mas aware of that. It was more probable that Sully himself sets on a jog, this boy would rather go to buy an ice-cream, sit on a porch and watched the nature.

"No, unfortunately, I don't jog, so..." - Nathan answered, having you chuckle with quiet 'kay added in the end. - "But I'm going to a market and you, miss, are going with me. How does that sound?" - The man said with confidence, having Sully make a dramatic surprised face as both the man walked to Nate's jeep standing in front of the apartment building.

"You don't even ask me if I have time today? Rude." - You answered, and for a moment, Nate felt saved because you won't be going with them. - "Sure, where will you pick me up?" - You asked suddenly when Nate plugged his phone into the car's Bluetooth, suddenly hearing your voice everywhere around them. Sully was quite amused with the personality you seemed to have so far.

"I don't know, maybe on the street, you're livin' at?" - The old man asked, having Nate's eyes widen in horror. Sully just innocently opened up the window, lighting one of his cigarillos up. Nathan hated it when the man smoked in his car, but he also learned that resistance comes in vain when it came to this man, so he just rolled his eyes and set on the road.

"Excuse me, who is that? I thought I'm talking to Nate." - You asked nervously, all the humor suddenly leaving you.

"Don't mind him, it's my best pal. So, in twenty minutes at the corner of the street? I think I won't be able to drive in because of the people and stuff." - Nate smacked Sully's thigh angrily, watching the man having a problem with containing a serious face as he turned around to look from the window. For a while, there was this weird silence on your end, before you sighed.

"'kay, I'll be there. See you, both." - You said your goodbye swiftly, already hurrying off to put some clothes on.

"Was that necessary, Sullivan?" - Nathan sighed, turning on one of his car playlists. This man was a sucker for singing in the car when he was stuck in a long colony, so he made a few playlists over the time - some included rock'n'roll when he was feeling fierce, one of them was solemnly based on the legendary 80s' songs, but he had an indie one of the modern music that kids these days listened to as well. And because he knew that Sully's more this oldies guy, he turned this one on, having Sully sigh unpleasantly. But he deserved it at the end of the day.

"Shed see me one way or another, kiddo. Or did you plan on shovin' me into the trunk, makin' me jump out of it as a surprise once we arrive there?" - Sully responded with his typical sense of humor, having Nate take a while to think over his stupidity. No matter how much he didn't like it, Sully was right. You'd see Sully when they'd be picking you up, so maybe, it was better to be aware of the danger beforehand. You've been looking exquisite, almost kicking the breath out of Nathan's chest, which sully didn't miss at all - he just didn't say anything out loud.

You had the same denim overalls on, with another amazing t-shirt a huge sunhat on your head. The old man sprang up from the co-drivers seat, opening the door for you, offering you a handshake. - "Hi." - He said. Oh Lord, this man was at least twenty years older than you, but he had some damn charm inside of him. - "Name's Victor, what 'bout you?" - The man gently kissed your knuckles, stealing breath out of your lungs.

Nathan couldn't but eye-roll at the sight of Sullivan. This guy was something, trying to impress every lady around even if he was taken. - "I wonder what Florence would say about your 'bout you, Sully." - Nate peaked out of the car, giving you one of his typical grins. At that, Sully chuckled and winked at you, as you still realized you're holding his palm in yours and that you also have a boyfriend. - "I'm Y/N. It's nice to meet you, Victor." - You smiled back calmly, finally letting his hand go as you climbed into the car next to Nate. Sully didn't miss the dreamy look on the young man's face as he watched you settling down.

"Hey, Mr. Drake." - You told him charmingly, immediately vibing to Nate's playlist. Nathan smiled after a while, waiting before Sullivan settles his ass down on the backseat.

"Hey, how are you?" - Nate started a small chit-chat as you set on your way. It took you quite a long time since, in the middle of your journey, Nathan decided he wants to have an ice-cream, so you had to get an ice-cream. And when you finally set on the real way, there was a huge colony of cars because of some roadwork ahead. You and Sully chatted about his girlfriend, about how he's doing, what is he doing. He was a business owner, which quite surprised by someone who was looking like Sully. Suddenly, a song dropped, having both you and Sully to look at Nathan, who started dancing around, mumbling the words.

"Well, here we go again." - Sully mumbled under his mustache, rolling down the window to have another cigarillo. For a moment, you were amused by simply watching Nate vibe to the song, before he turned to you and sang you the lyrics. - "What are you doing? Stop." - You told the man between the waves of laughter washing over you. Soon enough, you noticed that Nate rolled every window down, now screaming the lyrics from the top of his lungs. For a moment, it almost looked as if you just let the man make an idiot out of himself, but suddenly, you started dancing too, yelling the lyrics on the man driving the car next to yours.

"Like strangers. Perfect pretenders. We're falling head over heels, for something that ain't real. It could never be us, eh, just you and I." - And at that moment, Sully was sure by two things. First was that the people on the front seats were just kids in overgrown bodies, Nathan especially. And the second thing was that he understood what Nathan saw on you. Elena was crazy at times, she was fun and really smart, but she had never sung one of Nate's car songs as passionately as you did. Sure, he didn't crush on you as Nathan did instantly, but you were likable.

The people in the cars around yours were laughing at the sight of two adults making such moves and faces during a pop song, there was no-one angry about you blasting the whole highway with the song. - "And you were acting as if I was embarrassing you?" - Nathan asked you unbelievably when the colony moved forward, grinning at you. - "You, miss, outshined me. You're way better at car sing-along than I am."

"Well, I couldn't let you know my strengths from the very first moment, could I?" - A classy smirk appeared on your face before you turned to look out of the window. - "But Sully is looking like his ears are about to bleed every second. You okay?" - You turned to the big man on the backseat, who had that grin on. - "Well, it was an impressive concert, to say the least."

You needed to say... You were grateful that Nathan made you come to the market that day. It was happening in a small village and it was obvious that you either had to have friends there or know about this place on your own to find about a market like this. There were animals, hordes of vegetables and a lot of gardening tools. You almost bought some, but Nate told you not to because you didn't have even small flowerpots at home. Even if the market wasn't too big, you spent almost three hours there. And just when you were walking back to the jeep, Nathan was carrying four bags of goods in his palms, you heard your phone ringing. It was from Mike.

"Hey, baby." - The man sighed and you could already tell what that will be about. You were about to spend another day at home on your own. - "What're you doing?" - He started sweetly, as he always did.

"Oh, Nate and his best friend took me to a market to buy some veggies because Nate is about to cook dinner for him and his girlfriend. How about you?" - You asked Mike back. Yeah, sure, he was quite surprised that you were spending time with Nate again, but he decided not to comment on it. You were hanging out quite a lot.

"Guess where. I won't be at home until midnight, again, so..." - Mike breathed out and your face automatically saddened. Nate caught this just when he and Sully finished packing the goods into the trunk, so he slowly walked up to you, but didn't let you know that he's standing just a few feet away from you.

"Are you sure it's about work?" - A sour question left your lips as you tried to stay calm, not to cause some drama in front of Sully and Nate. But Nathan furrowed at the words you've said. He almost started assuming what you were talking about, but you asked another one to his good luck. - "Or is there someone else in work again?"

That made Nate widen his baby blue eyes and from the stress, he started to toy around with his fingers. Mike was cheating on you with someone? Was it before you moved there, was it happening now or..? How long did you know about that? Jesus. Nate didn't know why is he still listening to such an intimate call, but he had an actual feeling that in a way, it made him more sure about the feelings he was having for you. You didn't deserve such a jerk. - "Yeah, sure, whatever. I'll find some program for myself, don't worry about it."

With that, you turned on your heels and Nate's head sprung in the opposite direction as he pretended that he wasn't listening to you. You didn't know how much he heard, so you just gave him a careful look. - "Uhm, I and Sully talked about inviting you over to the diner... I mean... If you want to, of course, but I would like some help with preparing the masterpiece... That's what I wanted to ask... You about..." - Nate mumbled with nervosity in his face, still playing with his fingers. It was a relief that Nate didn't hear any of what you just spat at Mike.

"I think I can save some time for you and these two. It's your lucky day, Nathan." - You answered, fighting the urge to cry at least. Back when you were living in your old place and things got bad, you used to yell at each other. So you decided to move to a different town, start over - you finally started working on your degree and Mike had won a good work offer. And for the few months, the situation had settled down once again. Mike stopped seeing these... Ladies and it could be felt the love had come back to your relationship.

It was almost a month and a half since you've met Nathan (it took quite a long time before you heard back from him) and the relationship was getting cold again. It wasn't even that Mike was gone for a lot of time, it was just the feeling of love disappearing again. You were almost seeing Nathan more often than your boyfriend, which was sad, but you could understand him a lot of aspects of his relationship with his wife. That was why you were fond of spending time with Nathan, most likely.

When you watched that awkward goofball smirking as he looked away from you. So you immediately took off to drive back to Sully's place. It made you feel better about yourself once again - Sully pulled up all of his best jokes for you, so he had you giggling in no time at all. Nate was thinking about the conversation he heard, but he joined the conversation not too long after. And just like that, you were headed with two practical strangers to the apartment of one of them.

[thefudge]

any trash songs that are dear to you, dr. fudge? especially that go well with trashy ships hehe

sorry for replying eons later 

well, this question has the power to truly Expose™ me on the first day of Christmas, but… here goes nothing

i think ppl expect me to respond with something like “tear you apart” from she wants revenge, which is a great song! but i’m afraid i’m going to have to take you back to the ye olde days and show you what really embarrassing, early ‘00s trash sounded like. 

first, a few concessions: 

 trash by suede and poison by alice cooper are 80s/90s classics of the “you’re bad for me but i can’t help it” dynamic. but they’re too classy for this list. there’s not gonna be any Divine on this list, no 80s late-disco jams, no “west end girls” by pet shop boys, no britney doing “toxic” or “momma i’m in love with a criminal”, no christina aguilera wrestling in the mud while singing about being “dirty”, no baz luhrmann-esque “lady marmalade”. that’s all great. it’s just not this list.

 you also won’t find any my chemical romance, panic at the disco, evanescence, papa roach, marilyn manson etc. because they weren’t part of my trash experience. i mean they were there in the background, i was aware of them (and who hasn’t watched edits with “bring me to life”? don’t lie…)… and they’re kind of similar to what i have here, but they weren’t the trash i was particularly attuned to (plus, manson can choke).  

some other exclusions: i remember the original p&p edits back in 2005 had all of these “cuz there’s you and me and all other people” songs that were really wonderful, cheesy, shippy songs. but that’s…not this list (although that would make a great list too! remind me to do that one too!) 

i once got a message about how “mr. brightside” by the killers would make a great song for a bonkai edit, and…i like the killers just fine, and that’s a great song, but…no. this list ain’t that. 

the trash here is not trash on purpose, it’s not tongue-in-cheek, it’s not a “steamy hot mess”, it’s just…really bad and angsty and earnest and totally committed to the “no one understands me (but you)” vibe that a lot of early ‘00s trash ships fostered. 

okay…let’s…shame…me…: 

1. cold by crossfade - back in the late ‘00s, you couldn’t find an anime AMV that didn’t have this song in the background, ESPECIALLY if your male character was a murderous, brooding (secretly soft) boi who disdained the female sex because “feelings are weakness” or something. it was baaaad, but it’s a nostalgic fave.  the whole song is basically about how that arrogant, cold guy who’s shunned you and treated you badly was secretly into you all this time. yeaahhhh. (i remember this song was also popular with m/m ships because you had that classic dynamic where one of the guys was still in denial about his “gay” feelings. god i miss 2006.)

2. vermilion pt. 2 by slipknot - another 2005/2006 era song that capitalizes on the bad guy/good girl trope where she’s too “good” for the brooding antihero, but he can’t help but ruin her. or something. it’s soooo angsty. it has the great, eerie feeling of a doomed romance which was also definitely written by teenagers. i love it. 

3. i hate everything about you by three days grace - obviously, you can’t leave out the big dick energy song. 

4. anything by nine inch nails’ 2000-2010 period, but especially “fragile” and “we’re in this together now”, because they’re very much trashy power couple aesthetics, but also aaaaangsssst. “fragile” always cracks me up because it’s basically that one direction song about how the girl doesn’t know she’s beautiful, except it’s alternative rock and trent reznor is screaming about how he has to save this beautiful, pure soul from the corruption of the world. (for anyone expecting “closer”, that’s a great song…but i said real, embarrassing trash).

5. vampire heart by HIM - because OF COURSE. 2006 me was LIVING for Vampire Hunter D AMVs. that iconic line “love me like you love the sun” POETRY OKAY. another fave line has to be “you can’t escape the wrath of my heart”….like, whew, what a badass. 

6. hate me by blue october - AAAANGST. aaaaaaaaaangst. maybe the apogee of late ‘00s cheesy alternative rock. but probably not. there’s always one that goes harder. this list, unfortunately, is 90% this genre because they really SLAPPED when you put them together with trashy ships okayyyyy there was an innocence and earnestness that the ‘post-9/11 iraq invasion’ atmosphere really captured. 

7. let me go by 3 doors down - see, i was wrong, THIS is the apogee. “you love meeeee, but you don’t know who i aaaaaam” belts the lead singer of this oft-forgotten band aaaaand 15-year old me screamed yaaaaaaaaas

8. pieces by sum 41 - WRONG AGAIN. IT’S THIS ONE. the anime AMVs…my god….i can even tell you, beat by beat where the angsty edits happened depending on the breaks in the song.

9. sour girl by stone temple pilots -  “bad” boy waxing about how he’s ruined a good girl? check. super Extra lyrics that go “what would you do? what would you do if i followed you?” check. sarah michelle gellar/buffy being a dark goth muse for the tormented bad boy? triple check!!

10. hold me, thrill me, kiss me, kill me by U2 - i meaaaaaaan. it’s in the title. 10-year old me WAS LIVING. this is THE batman song, and if there’s a god, it will be featured in the upcoming robert pattinson movie. ppl wanna say this song is more of the “trash on purpose” variety, but i don’t think so. i think joel schumacher plays this dead straight (and “batman forever”, while being one of the cheesiest movies ever made, takes itself extremely serious). 

11. insatiable by darren hayes - finally breaking away from the alt rock scene a bit for this one. ppl who are now trying to make this song “respectable” and classify it as sweet 00s nostalgia are WRONG. everything about this song is convoluted and overly wrought and pitch perfect, even the fact that you would never believe that this waspy blond dude in the music video has anything to do with the actual song.  

12. behind blue eyes by limp bizkit - don’t look at meeeee. this is basically a meme song. the band itself turned out to be dumpster fire and fred durst is…blehh. but this song stiiiiiill slaps, i have the courage to say it.  the video definitely helps, i mean u got that trashy dynamic of prisoner/guardian @___@ and halle berry @___@. half-naked fred durst kinda ruins it, but it’s still got its charm. 

13. i have to include some linkin’ park songs here at the end and i’m choosing the ones that were trashiest to me and that’s gotta be “one step closer” and “somewhere i belong”  because they were always juxtaposed with villain/heroine ships in edits, and i remember fanfic authors would use them in songfics. “in the end” and “numb” are waaaayyy too classy.

additional “kinda too good for this list” rec:  the entire Queen of the Damned soundtrack, but especially “slept so long”, “system” and “before i’m dead” and really ALL the songs.

this disaster list could definitely go on (i’m sure u guys can pitch in. and hey, i might be persuaded to do part 2) but imma stop here before i lose my last shred of credibility on this website lol. k byeeeeeee

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

What I’ve Been Reading #2

Hey People of Earth!

I recently started a new series on this blog (titled above), where I reflect on the last few books I’ve read. I’m doing this mostly to keep myself accountable because I’m notoriously bad at committing myself to reading. So far, reading has been far greater than it’s been in the past--I’m definitely getting into the rhythm of things. I read some amaaaazing books this time around (since approx. November), and these are them:

1. The Darkest Legacy by Alexandra Bracken

This is book four in The Darkest Minds series, and was just recently released (last summer). Whilst I’ve drifted from YA in the last few years, this series was such a huge favourite of mine when I was younger, and I thought I’d give this book a go for nostalgia’s sake. Also, I truly admire Alex as an author, and wanted to support her! Here’s the summary:

Five years after the destruction of the so-called rehabilitation camps that imprisoned her and countless other Psi kids, seventeen-year-old Suzume "Zu" Kimura has assumed the role of spokesperson for the interim government, fighting for the rights of Psi kids against a growing tide of misinformation and prejudice. But when she is accused of committing a horrifying act, she is forced to go on the run once more in order to stay alive. Determined to clear her name, Zu finds herself in an uncomfortable alliance with Roman and Priyanka, two mysterious Psi who could either help her prove her innocence or betray her before she gets the chance. But as they travel in search of safety and answers, and Zu grows closer to the people she knows she shouldn't trust, they uncover even darker things roiling beneath the veneer of the country's recovery. With her future-and the future of all Psi-on the line, Zu must use her powerful voice to fight back against forces that seek to drive the Psi into the shadows and save the friends who were once her protectors.

What drew me to it: Like I mentioned, its mother series was a mega favourite of mine in grade 8, and whilst I’ve grown out of YA, I was curious to see where the story went, five years in the future. I read about 60% of it on page, and listened to the rest on and of over the course of a few months. I started it in August, and finished it on New Year’s Eve. Not the fault of the book, that’s totally me being Very Bad at commitment. I’ve really enjoyed Alex’s novels in audiobook format, and this one was no exception (I think, if I were to read it again, I’d listen to the audiobook: it’s like listening to a television show!)

My rating: 3/5

Why: This is really due to the fact that I no longer am very interested in YA. In all truths, I got into YA early, and got out of it even earlier because apparently I am a sixty year old woman?? I started my journey with YA in grade seven, and it ended around the end of grade eight. After that, I had trouble finding YA books I could enjoy/relate to, not that the books were any less, or bad because of this, but because I was just an injustice to them (I’ve always been a strange reader). This is why I don’t really read YA anymore because I feel like I rate them unfairly because I’m not super big on the category anymore. It just (rightfully) didn’t give me what I’m most currently interested in in books (horrible people; horrible relationships; morally grey protagonists), because of course the category is different to what I read now! With that said, I think, if I’d read this book in my Peak YA Moment (grade 7-8), I’d definitely have given it a 5 star rating. It was super entertaining and funny and nostalgic, and made me miss a series so pivotal in my writing journey. If you love YA, and this series, I think this book is definitely worth the read! That was a thiccccc tangent. 

2. Past Lives, Future Bodies by Kristin Chang

This is a really quick poetry collection (that I spoiler: looooved). This is the summary:

PAST LIVES, FUTURE BODIES is a knife-sharp and nimble examination of migration, motherhood, and the malignant legacies of racism. In this collection, family forms both a unit of survival and a framework for history, agency, and recovery. Chang undertakes a visceral exploration of the historical and unfolding paths of lineage and what it means to haunt body and country. These poems traverse not only the circularity of trauma but the promise of regeneration—what grows from violence and hatches from healing—as Chang embodies each of her ghosts and invites the specter to speak. 

What drew me to it: @shaelinwrites rec’d it to me on my last update, and I fell in love with the premise. I’m *cheap* so was very excited to be gifted it by my Grandma for Christmas. (I actually read it on Christmas!)

My rating: 5/5

Why: Kristin Chang is literally so skilled with her use of the line break? I was shook? This is my second collection of poetry that I’ve read, following (no shade) Rupi Kaur’s The Sun and Her Flowers, which, I felt kinda made the line break feel gimmicky? So this collection definitely reinvented it for me. Her poems are so punchy, and thoughtful, and you can truly feel the experience built into the backbone of every one of them. When I panic wrote some poetry for my writing class, I used it as comfort reference and was amazed at how deliberate she is with her words. I also found so much of its commentary on race so relatable. It’s definitely a collection I’ll keep re-reading. I’d recommend this if, like me, you’re just starting out in poetry--a perfect way to acclimate yourself to a new form!

3. God of Shadows by Lorna Crozier

*Rachel vigorously trying to diversify her reading.* The summary:

The poet Lorna Crozier has always been brilliant at fusing the ordinary with the other-worldly in strange and surprising ways. Now the Governor General's Literary Award-winning author of Inventing the Hawk returns with God of Shadows, a wryly wise book that offers a polytheistic gallery of the gods we never knew existed and didn't know we needed. To read these poems is to be ready to offer your own prayers to the god of shadows, the god of quirks, and the god of vacant houses. Sing new votive hymns to the gods of horses, birds, cats, rats, and insects. And give thanks at the altars of the gods of doubt, guilt, and forgetting. What life-affirming questions have these deities come to ask? Perhaps it is simply this: How can poems be at once so profound, original and lively, and also so much fun?

What drew me to it: At this point I’m just stalking @shaelinwrites​’ Goodreads because her reading taste is on pointttt. I’ve also been dying to read more poetry, and branch out into different forms of writing, so I can be a little *prepared* for school, so I thought I’d take a peek at this collection. 

My rating: 5/5

Why: This collection is so beautiful! I read it super quickly, and fell in love with the concept immediately. I think Crozier explored such unique ideas with super unique language, and I live for it. This collection gave me perspective on ‘gods’ I’d never even thought about. I’d definitely recommend it if you’re looking into reading some prose poetry!

4. The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin

I finished this book today, and now have trust issues and feel like I’m in a constant state of wanting to cry. Here’s the summary:

If you knew the date of your death, how would you live your life?

It's 1969 in New York City's Lower East Side, and word has spread of the arrival of a mystical woman, a traveling psychic who claims to be able to tell anyone the day they will die. The Gold children—four adolescents on the cusp of self-awareness—sneak out to hear their fortunes.

The prophecies inform their next five decades. Golden-boy Simon escapes to the West Coast, searching for love in '80s San Francisco; dreamy Klara becomes a Las Vegas magician, obsessed with blurring reality and fantasy; eldest son Daniel seeks security as an army doctor post-9/11; and bookish Varya throws herself into longevity research, where she tests the boundary between science and immortality.

A sweeping novel of remarkable ambition and depth, The Immortalists probes the line between destiny and choice, reality and illusion, this world and the next. It is a deeply moving testament to the power of story, the nature of belief, and the unrelenting pull of familial bonds.

What drew me to it: I actually don’t know?? I put it on hold at my library in October, and was loaned it in January (looooong waitlist). So I can’t remember why I wanted to read it, probably because 1969 was in the premise lmao. I actually completely forgot about placing a hold on it because it’d been two months, so by the time I got the email notification, I’d forgotten what it was about. Oftentimes, I’m Bad, and leave my loans for weeks, forgetting about them, but I was intrigued by seeing I’d received this loan because I couldn’t remember placing it/why I placed it. I quickly re-read the summary, and immediately started reading because it reminded me a lot of the Haunting of Hill House sibling dynamic, and I was on board!

My rating: 5/5 stars soaked in all my tears

Why: This book is SO good, I literally can’t think about it too much because I will cry, lol. I’m not one to get emotional over books, but this book touched me in a place I didn’t know existed?? Like I didn’t know I had emotions before reading this book?? Apparently I do?? It also left me feeling stunned with a whole bucket of life lessons, and similarly to getting emotional, I’m not a reader to really take away a whole new worldview after reading something, but this book was like NOPE, here’s some THOUGHTS. I think I might’ve loved it so much because the four siblings it follows remind me a lot of my siblings (tag yourself I’m Klara, @sarahkelsiwrites is Varya). I too am a sibling of four with a similar composition to the novel’s (two boys, two girls), so the actual heartbreak of realizing that one day, there ain’t always gonna be four of us struck me so hard I was not prepared?? The characters are BEAUTIFUL, and my heart aches so much after finishing this, I almost don’t know what to do with myself... If you liked the sibling dynamic in the Haunting of Hill House (me!!), you’ll probably dig this book. Benjamin’s writing is also gorgeous; straightforward, but so detailed and lush at the same time. I don’t often see books in third present, so this was a delight for me to read. Also: I’m no expert on any of the topics in this book, but to me, a Fool, this book felt so well researched? This isn’t something I ever notice in books, but it surprisingly really added to the reading experience. 

TL;DR: I’m literally an emotional wreck because of this book and have a whole new perspective on life, if you too want to be an emotional wreck, defs join in on the fUN.

So that’s it for this reading update! All of these books in this update were wonderful! Making me antsy to read more for sure! I’m currently attempting to read more short story collections, so if anyone has recs, hit me up! ‘Scuse me while I go sob!

--Rachel

[inkofamethyst]

October 13, 2021

lol Imma audition for a bunch of solos for the orchestra thing I’m in I think.  They said you could do all of em if ya wanted.  I’m tempted, though I do have a preference.  There’s one kinda theatre-y one with a range that’s all over the place, but I was Narrator in Joseph so I mean I can handle it.  Like,, remember that big ol’ E natural in “Jaacooooob, Jacob and sons!” yea well the solo I really want only goes as high as that, and I had to hit that rehearsal after rehearsal, night after night (and I went even higher in my audition for Narrator, so (PLUS when I had the house to myself in the afternoons I’d often sing Shadowland which has quite a bit of notes up in that range toward the end)), so it should be fine.  I just need to have fun with it (and remember to mix on that E, not screlt, plus if I am belting (as I’ve never been super great at achieving a solid mix on notes below that tbh), it’s gotta come from my chest, not my neck, etc etc)!  And I mean it is a funky song, so that’s shouldn’t be too hard lol.  I’ll employ my cute lil Narrator whimsical charm.

I’d only be afraid that my voice is a bit heavy for that solo.  I mean, it didn’t stop me from getting Narrator, but yknow, can’t help myself but develop worries.

But so as to not put all my eggs in one basket, I’ll probably audition for at least one other solo (if not all of them idk I think I can hit that one low note in the Baritone solo like 75% of the time if I position my head just right), though one of them has a solid 80% of the choir plus a few instrument members auditioning,,, and like I can sing it, and there’s a good chance I’ll audition for it anyway bc why not, but I don’t anticipate getting it bc my voice ain’t sweet lol.  Then there’s another one that kind of reminds me of Aeralie Brighton from Ori in that there are different power levels and the notes are also kinda all over the place lol.  Also,,, I am most certainly not a vocal match with the feel of that song.  

And that’s all of them.  Idk, prepping for four more auditions ain’t that bad, especially considering that I’ll be warmed up prior to the audition (right after choir rehearsal).  All I need now is to somehow get into a practice room at some point just to check on how my voice is feeling about all of them...

I haven’t ever in my life done this amount of auditioning in such a short amount of time (general choir, pep band, choir solos) but it’s so exciting!!  Like sure, part of me is nervous about the solos, but I’m decently confident in my ability (and also I’m already part of the orchestra so like I’ll still get to do stuff I just won’t get as much attention lol), but also ahhhhh I’m doing music stuff again!!!

Also I have come to the realization that anyone who reads these even on an irregular basis is like,,,,, in a parasocial relationship with me and that’s wild.  Never expected to be on this side of one o’ them but alas my pre-senior year meltdown has brought us together it seems.

I went rock climbing today with my dancer-friend and my journalist-friend, and it was really really fun and it seems like they enjoyed themselves too!  It was really nice to just chat while climbing.  I also submitted my abstract today!!  Now gotta wait and see if it gets accepted for the conference.

I also went to the jazz club today (the only one there, again), this time with my saxophone, and it was not good.  I mean, okay, the sponsor guy was really patient with me and I appreciated his help a ton, but my playing was not quite up to snuff.  It’s just been a long time since I’ve played sax, and my muscle memory isn’t super great on it (embouchure-wise, anyway.  I’ve got fingerings down).  I felt kind of bad, because apparently this club has done performances in the past, but there’s basically no way that we’d be able to do something like that, honestly.  I dunno, maybe a weekly practice session is what I need to get back at the level I want to be.  It’s sort of a free lesson, it’s just that this wasn’t what I was looking for out of this club.  Maybe it’s better?  Time will tell.  Right now... right now I’m just annoyed for a childish reason, I must admit.

Today I’m thankful that I actually got to submit my first abstract.  I’m thankful for having such supportive mentors.  I’m thankful that I got to go rock climbing with my friends, even if the 100% humidity almost entirely ruined the definition of my twist-out (it looks kinda cute in a ponytail/puff at the back of my head, reminds me of Doc Ock from Into the Spiderverse).  I’m thankful for the opportunities to (audition and) perform.  I’m thankful that I have food up in my fridge and also that the plums I picked out were really good.  I’m thankful that the week is over halfway done.

[artdjgblog]

​Innerview: ? / AIGA-KC​

October 2007​

Poster: DJG Design​​

​Note: ​The Afterparty poster submission explanation on the subject of diversity​.

Cowboy Mo Bumpkin is slappin’ five with his pal Uncle Glen on their first day to romp together following a thankfully non-routine tragic accident. An incident that would change them forever. The following extremely long and hastily written paragraph is borrowed by the author from Mo and Uncle Glen’s own testimonies. Folks, this ain’t reality T.V., it’s reality. Mo is enjoying a mild, boot heelin’ frolic with his friend who is in need of a best friend after losing his back leg quarters in a bear trap. You see, the bear trap was a big ol’ bully boy. Mr. Bumpkin has set out plenty of snares in his day. He never thought twice about it because the steel teeth and springs always kept his big belly even bigger (though, he most certainly can hide his weight well, and he exercises at a recolored pace). Mo can feed off a bear for a blemin’ month or a month and a half (pending on if he got a special deal on pie from Old Lady Cryer back in town, which helped him save his good meat back a bit because that Old Lady Cryer pie was so good it made his belly ache and cry and holler all evening for several days’ even after his programs were finished). Well, one day two weeks ago last Thursday on a routine trappin’ check, Mo heard the most awful of cries coming from on yonder, echoing down there in that valley not too far, but just far enough to where all that was noticeable in the thick brush and thickets was a blur and a rustle. A face stricken with horror was had by Mo when he approached closer and sawed to his big black eyes (eyes that never got so big unless pie and hickory smoked tender bear meat with Rosedale’s BBQ sauce got him to bed early with a swift kick in that juicy spot in between the bread basket and the bible belt) the sight of his soon-to-be best friend Uncle Glen all caught up in a big bear trap something fierce. The sight was almost as bad as the shriek belching from deep within the unicorn, a sound not much unlike that of a mama bunny rabbit frightened from the snarled toothy scare of the clever weiner dogs who found a way to nudge up the makeshift fencing steeple and stick lock apparatus on the silver-sided smoke house to get a peek or a piece of some new born baby bunnies binkying all over the cage. Oh, and did Uncle Glen or Mo mention to you that Uncle Glen is a unicorn? Yep, full-blooded and with a bit of sparkle and he don’t need to poop or vomit puff paint, glitter and stickers for you to recognize this worldly trait. And these gentle creatures don’t get hot unless they are under the knife or in deep threat from weiner dogs. The knife in this episode is Uncle Glen’s own beautiful, yet extremely sharp, solo horn tusk jutting from his forehead. Did you know that a rhino was once mistaken for a unicorn? Geesh, what morons? Uncle Glen can’t remember the last time he was mistaken for a rhino, maybe a tad from the backside after a winter of swollen hips and troubles with confidence. Enough of that, by all means his back side would never be the same as he was heroically half-way thru sawing off (well, more like jabbing until the raw flesh poked apart and dilapidated from the penetrations of multiple action pierces, like a butcher with a big meat thermometer, bad aim, judgement and nothing else to do on the job) his own back legs out of that trap when Mo came upon him on knees and hands clasped, begging for forgiveness, or at least an army enlistment in order for his own legs to feel such a thing as the knife or rusty civil war saw blade, without pain killers, during a quick man’s land mine field amputation in war time. To make matters worse, and the clock and conscience big hands tick swifter, was the fact that the very bear Mo had planned to be slicing open and cooking tonight was right to his and Uncle Glen’s stage left looking quite queerly at the situation. Instantly, Mo somehow grabbed his bearings, woke-up for a second and tossed his big Slavic Yukotang stogie (an import only, hard to get cig, known for it’s custard-flavored aroma and taste…Mo was that one thing…retardant to milk? Non-lactos or some sort?) at the brown bear. Because, we all remember from school that certain breeds of brown bear have a lovingly glow for custard and for smoking cigars and kicking it. Though, Mo wasn’t going to kill two birds with one stone…nor, would he let Uncle Glen go as well. Well, while the brown bear was huffing and kicking so low as to finally put together properly, on acid free paper, that stamp collection she’d been collecting since the late ’80s and remembering the wise words her distant cousin (twice removed) Charcoalio said back in the day when kids actually listened, especially to bears, Mo found just enough time to shoot four rounds off and out of his trusty seven shooter (though of course the safety stuck a bit as he pulled the barrel out of his boot). No silly, he didn’t shoot the poor bastard pile that was left of Uncle Glen. He shot up in the air to get the attention of a drunk skinny dipping down the way, panning for gold (unicorn glitter?) on the side with a pair of sheep skin trousers with a butt flap that kept coming undone from those underpants and undoing with it any chance of striking it rich (at least in a mineral deposit format). Mo never did knowed the name of this drunk. Everybody just called him Drunk. But, the good thing about Drunk is that he didn’t need his buggy parked and beat all to Heaven no longer because Drunk don’t need to be out there driving on the open ragweed ranges. Mo wasn’t no good worth a lick at written exams, but he was pretty confident in thinking and doing on his own clock, crown and crooked back. The sun began to get closer to the earth as poor Uncle Glen sat bleating and bleeding to death, dragging himself in pain to the river. Would he hold his head under until the last breath or bleed to death getting there? Or, was he headed this way in respect to not stain the wild grass, to sit in the shallow end and let the clear water carry his DNA down to the school yard about 67 yards to the south as the children celebrated an after school birthday outing for their instructor with what they thought was red flavored (Cherry?) Kool-Aid in the river bed (p”Party with the big man!”). Well, Mo thought quick (you already knew that) and asked kind Drunk permission for use of his wagon wheels. He shot twice more to bust the wood wheels free and applied them on his friend, using the still warm shell casings to solder shut Uncle Glen’s stumps. -djg

[filipinope]

85 questions tag

(sorry for blocking your dash;;)

rules: answer these 85 statements & tag 20 people (lol as if i have 20 mutals i can tag)

small tip: press j to skip if you’re on desktop, but if you’re on mobile then too bad lol <3

tagged by @pilots-astray (sorry that it took over a month for me to do this lol)

the last: 1. drink: water 2. phone call: my sister when i was asking her to pick me up from school 3. text message: it was a text to my future manager lol 4. song: fallingforyou by the 1975 5. time you cried: i cried internally today when a classmate offered me an oreo, she was so nice i’m still not over it

have you ever: 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yep 8. been cheated on: nope 9. lost someone special: yeah :/ 10. been depressed: yessss cerritos auto square 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yupyup favorite colors (in no particular order): 12. violet 13. teal 14. red 15: black 16: blue-green in the last year have you: 17. laughed until you cried: i think so, yeah 18. found out someone was talking about you: yep but i try not to think too much about it 19. met someone who changed you: absolutely 20. found out who your friends are: yeah i guess so 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: lmfao no, i blocked the last person i kissed 22. made friends: yes and i love them 23. fallen out of love: nope general: 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i just went out for ramen with my family and a couple friends 26. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: do family members count? lol 27. do you have any pets: 4 dogs 28. what time did you wake up: 6:45-6:50 am 29. what were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching bleach lol 30. name something you can’t wait for: i can’t wait to start earning money 31: what are you listening to right now: nothing, but i’m watching addams family values 32: have you ever talked to a person named tom: nope 33: something that’s getting on your nerves: uhh i can’t think of any rn 34. do you want to change your name: sometimes i do, but other times no cause who else knows somebody named krisha? 35. hair colour: dark brownish/blackish 36. long or short hair: long 37. piercings: i have pierced ears, but that’s about it. idk if i want to get any others 38. tattoos: not currently, but i really want at least one 39. blood type: uhh i don’t remember 40. nicknames: my sisters call me “kipps” lol 41. relationship status: what’s a relationship? 42. zodiac: gemini 43. pronouns: she/her 44. most visited website: google 45. right or left handed: i’m left-handed 46. surgeries: zero 47. sports: lol 48. favorite tv show: i have two: “this is us” and “good doctor” 49. vacations: the furthest i’ve traveled to is the philippines and i’m traveling there again next year 50. sneakers: like what kind do i wear? i wear converse and levi’s More general: 52. eating: rn i’m eating costco pizza 53. fave drink: root beer lol 54. what are you up to: writing this long ass questionnaire (no offense) lol and trying to write a play for hw (the format is very difficult and irritating) 55. waiting for: the day i graduate and find a job that i’ll actually like 56. want: money, romance, happiness, ya know 57. get married: sometime in the future maybe 58. career: i really want some kind of writing career, not like a journalist though. maybe just like an author where i can work from home

Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: ¿por que no los dos? 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: taller but short people are also cool 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or stomach: nice arms ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 65. hook up or relationship: relationship, i ain’t looking for something temporary 66. troublemaker or hesitant: i mean hesitance can seem endearing, but i don’t want to be the one who always makes the decisions, ya know? maybe a mix of both

Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: yep 69. lost glasses/contacts: i lose my glasses when i’m looking for them without contacts on and sometimes i accidentally drop my contacts, but i always end up finding them somehow 70. turned someone down: yeah 71. sex on the first date: hell naw 72. broken someone’s heart: probably 73. had your heart broken: yeah :/ 74. been arrested: nope and i don’t plan to 75. cried when someone died: yeah 76. fallen for a friend: nope Do you believe in: 77. yourself: ehh not really, but sometimes i have my days 78. miracles: have never experienced or witnessed one so i guess not really? 79. love at first sight: that only exists in fairy tales 80. santa claus: excuse me, who do you think i am? of course i do 81. kiss on the first date: if they’re down, sure, but knowing me i’d probably overthink it and mess up lol 82. angels: idk Other: 83. current best friend’s name(s): do my sisters count? lol 84. eye color: dark brown 85. favorite movie: because i’m filling this out in october, my answer is gonna be halloween themed: hocus pocus and nightmare before christmas

i’ll only tag 10 peeps, but i’ll understand if you don’t want to do it cause it’s so long:

@onlinebird @eggpuffs @dreamlessabyss @meganeglad @brownbruha @rose-kaori @666floz @prismaticreverie @ma--arte​ @softpunkbucky​ 

[smocatoff]

Music Retrospective #1: Metallica

In 1981, Danish drummer Lars Ulrich put out an ad in a magazine known as The Recycler for a jamming buddy. The man who answered that add? James Hetfield. Lars then asked Metal Blade records founder Brian Slagel if he could record a song for their compilation album Metal Massacre. Slagel gave them the okay, and the rest they say is history.

Officially forming in October of that year, Metallica would go on to influence the next 30 years of hard rock and heavy metal. And in this review/retrospective of their staggering discography, I intend to give you my critical thoughts and personal take on one of the finest metal bands of all time, and one of the bands that inspired me to become a musician.

Ground rules before we get going: No live albums and no compilations. So no S&M, no Live Shit, no Garage Inc., you get the idea. First album up!

Kill ‘Em All

Starting out with bassist Ron Mcgoveny and shred master himself Dave Mustaine, Metallica enjoyed a fair amount of success on the club scene, and recorded some demos for Metal Blade Records, but due to drug problems and all around shitty behaviour, James and Lars gave Davey boy a bus ticket and told him to get out of the band, with McGovney leaving soon after. The line up that would grace the debut record Kill ‘Em All would be James, Lars, and new guitarist Kirk Hammet and bassist Cliff Burton. Oh boy, what a debut album it was.

Firing on all cylinders with scorching riffs and solos, this album provides you with some of the best 80s thrash metal that you can find. Kirk Hammett and James Hetfield provide blistering thrash metal guitar work, with some of the heaviest riffs and firey solos you can find. Further, the mastery of Cliff Burton’s bass work is on full display, most notably on the incredible solo known as “Anesthesia (Pulling Teeth)”. My personal favourite song would have to be the 7 minute biblical head banger, which Dave Mustaine would later perform on in its original incarnation on Killing is my Business (We’ll talk about that band another time), “The Four Horseman”. While a great album, it is certainly not a perfect one.

Kirk had been told to emulate Dave’s playing as much as possible during the recording of this album, and while stellar, it would pale in comparison to the unique style Hammett would eventually adopt later on. Moreover, I was never a big fan of lower quality, 80s thrash production style, so I was not the biggest fan of hearing James’ voice caked in reverb and the playing not as tightly knit as on later albums. Plus, the weakest song on the album has to be “Phantom Lord”. I’m sorry, but this is some weak ass, generic thrashy bullshit. Nothing memorable about that song.

Overall, an essential album for metal fans, and Metallica fans especially.

8.5 out of 10

Ride the Lightning

With thrash metal beginning to flourish in the early 80s with the likes of Slayer and Anthrax gaining prominence, as well as bands like Exodus and Sodom starting to form and get noticed, Metallica maintained its foothold atop the mountain and did so with 1984’s “Ride the Lightning”. Becoming more technical and pristine in their playing and production, Metallica evolved into the band we know and love on this album. Incorporating acoustic guitars, more complex arrangements, slower tempos, and providing some of the grandest sounding metal I have ever heard, Ride the Lightining is a treasure. From brooding ballads such as Fade to Black, the magnificent title track, the Hemmingway inspired anthem For Whom the Bell Tolls, this album features Metallica venturing into more morose and serious lyrical content, resulting in some of their best material ever. My personal favourite song, a little gem of a diddy known as “Escape”.

I doubt you could find a song you didn’t like on this album. Highly recommended. With Metallica getting this great, I don’t know how we’re going to top this album. But oh boy, do they ever top this album.

9.5 out of 10

Master of Puppets

In the year Nineteen hundred and eighty six of the common era, the gods bestowed upon us MASTER OF FUCKING PUPPETS. Good god. This. Fucking. Album. Easily Metallica’s most pristinely produced, tightly performed, and expertly written album. Evolving to combine the more progressive, grand arrangements of “Ride the Lightning” with the more straightforward, blistering thrash of Kill ‘Em All. Kirk Hammet and James Hetfield’s guitar work raging through with precision and soul, and Lars ripping out some of the most blistering drum work he has ever done, with Flemming Rassmusen and the band conjuring the most pristine and polished sound they could. There is a reason why this is regularly cited as one of the finest albums in metal history. Not a single bad song can be found on this album. Personal Favourite? Jesus god, throw a dart. But if I had to choose, I have always had a soft spot for the heavy as hell “The Thing That Should Not Be”.

This was the first Metallica album I heard, but even if you shed the nostalgia goggles and look at the album with critical eyes, you still find a towering classic of the genre. Unabashedly recommended, buy it yesterday. 

10 out of 10

...And Justice for All

Metallica has reached an all time high...but tragedy would strike, and take the band to a very personal low, as bassist Cliff Burton would pass away due to a bus accident on September 27th, 1986. With the tragic passing of Cliff Burton, Metallica was short a bassist. Enter Flotsam and Jetsam member Jason Newstead *cut to interview regarding Jason joining Metallica* With Newstead entering the picture, Metallica would then release the follow-up to the staggering Master of Puppets known as And Justice for All. Look, this is great album in its own right, but this album had to follow Master of Puppets. This album could not live up to such hype. But despite personal tragedy and a insurmountable challenge of trying to match, or even top, a bonafide masterpiece, Metallica managed to pump out a highly respectable album.

Continuing down the grander and more progressive road they had been travelling since Ride the Lightning, they also incorporated much darker and more brooding lyrics and guitar tones. This is no more exemplified by the song which resulted in Metallica’s first music video, the number one music video on MTV when it was introduced, and their first American hit on the Billboard Top 100, “One”.

While a very good album, Justice falls flat in certain respects. Firstly, while there aren’t necessarily bad songs on this album, some of the songs like “The Shortest Straw” and “Frayed Ends of Sanity” are a tad on the weaker side. Also, there’s the whole bass thing...so for whatever reason, whether it be as a form of hazing, or because of feelings regarding Cliff,  Lars told the album’s mixer, Steve Thompson, to lower the volume on the bass, and despite questioning this, he was made to do it anyways...Okay...

Really? Are you serious? Just because you’re “hazing the new guy”, or you miss your friend, or are just the self absorbed putz even Metallica fans know you to be, it doesn’t give you the right to pull childish bullshit like purposefully messing with the mix of a widely released album. Now, the other hazing bullshit, I don’t care about that. Pulling a rib on the boys can be light hearted fun, but when personal shit like that bleeds into your work and you leave an album without bass lines to properly fill it out, you officially become a prick. Despite me standing by his side for Napster (I’ll explain that thing another time), this is just juvenile. Luckily, a fan mix called “And Justice for Jason” remedied that, and allowed people to hear what Justice would have sounded like if it were properly mixed. Hell, despite Lars being a primadonna and taking certain things a bit too personally, Newstead has always remained fairly chill about the situation.

Overall, despite the bullshit with the bass mixing and some weak cuts, ...And Justice for All is a solid follow up to the towering classic that is Master of Puppets, and is definitely worthy of your collection. Recommended.

8.5 out of 10

Metallica (The Black Album)

With Newsted established as the band’s new bassist, and with song ideas brewing during their tour for Justice, Metallica hopped back into the studio with brand new producer Bob Rock, and popped out the highest selling record the band would ever produce, the self titled album commonly referred to as The Black Album. Lauded by many music publications, with 4s and 5s being thrown at it like Shibata throws out stiff kicks, everyone seemed to love it. However, does it truly live up to that acclaim? My answer: not quite.

Do not get me wrong, this is one of Metallica’s first five albums, so it’s a great fucking record. Pounding, groove laden metal riffs coupled with more melodic songwriting, it was a clear departure from the progressive, grandiose thrash metal of their previous 3 records, yet it still retained Metallica’s style and seminal songwriting. There are some superb cuts, with headbanging anthems like “Sad but True” and the smash hit “Enter Sandman” as well as my personal favourite hidden gem “Holier than Thou”, but there are some weaker, dare I say filler level cuts such as “Through the Never”.  Yeah, call me when your case of the word vomit ends guys. But overall, this is a stellar record and it is a very important benchmark for Metallica, as well as 90s metal. Moving on!

8 out of 10 

Load

Short haircuts? Check. New sound and experimentation with genres that alienates even the most steadfast of fan? Check. Trying even fucking harder this time for mainstream attention? Check. Yup, Metallica’s gone full fucking 90s on us. Load is for sure a weaker album than the Black Album, and it is full of hard rock snoozers like “Bleeding Me” and “Poor Twisted Me”, but when this album turns it up and actually goes, good god does it go. Hard rocking headbangers like “Ain’t My Bitch” and “Wasting my Hate” as well as more melodic, downpaced rock such as my personal favourite track “The House That Jack Built”, While the music may have mellowed out, Kirk and James’s guitar playing has not and they rip out some killer riffs on this record. Hell, even the really far out there experiments work very well, such as the pop-y sounding “Hero of the Day” and one of the best fucking modern, mainstream country songs ever “Mama Said”. Like, that is a sad statement on the genre when fucking Metallica outdoes the sorry excuses for country acts that were starting to permeate the genre in the 90s, and we are talking dick cheese such as Billy Ray Cyrus, Kenny Chesney, and all that shit.

Metallica’s “Load” is not for everyone, but if you look past and ignore all the 1st degree filler that is on this record, there are some superb cuts that rank among Metallica’s best work in my opinion.

6.5 out of 10

Reload

Metallica went into the studio to record Load and actually had enough material to fill a double album. Metallica decided to delay the release of a majority of this material in order to perfect it, and the result of this was 1997’s “Reload”. Continuing down the more commercial hard rock path they had started travelling, Reload offers, in my opinion, a more consistent and sonically pleasing offering than its predecessor. With alot of the grader experimentation from Load being scrapped, Metallica decided to unleash some pure fucking rock and roll, with James and Kirk throwing down headbanging riffs and Lars producing some memorable drum beats. With powerful hard rock beatdowns like “Fuel” and “Attitude”, as well as slower, more melodic and groove laden songs like “Devil’s Dance”, “Unforgiven 2” and “Where the Wild Things Are”. While this album is better than Load, it does have its share of filler like “Bad Seed” and “Slither”. My personal favourite song though has to be the somber ballad “Low Man’s Lyric”. While Reload is certainly not a return to form for the band, it is a more consistent and better offering than Load and certainly worth a listen.

Metallica wouldn’t release a proper studio album for another six years, releasing other offerings in the meantime, such as the cover album Garage Inc., as well as S&M, a live show Metallica did with a full symphony orchestra.  This period would also prove to be one of the most tumultuous times in the band’s career, which is expertly shown in the documentary “Some Kind of Monster”. During this harrowing period, bassist Jason Newsted left the band, citing creative and personal differences, including Jason’s want to do other projects. There was also...Napster...welp, we had to do it. Let’s talk about Napster 

Okay, so basic rundown of the issue. Metallica records a song entitled “I, Disappear” for the soundtrack of Mission Impossible 2. However, a demo of the song was leaked, and ended up getting radio airplay. The band was able to trace this leak back to a file found on Napster, which led them to also find out that all their shit was on Napster. Lars then filed a lawsuit, and after a whole giant legal battle involving Metallica and a ton of other artists, Napster was forced to file Bankruptcy and was shut down for good. People...did not like this. With people staging mass destructions of Metallica CDs, and many media outlets just roasting the fuck out of the band. It was not a pleasant time for the boys. Here’s the thing though. Amidst all the media hoopla and everyone jumping on the “fuck Metallica” bandwagon...the band was in the right. Firstly, Music is a business like any other, and while these artists do for the most part love what they do, they are in this to make a living out of it, i.e. MAKE MONEY. Piracy of music, while admittedly not a big blow to the artists, is still a blow to their profits. Could you blame someone for trying to take down something that was giving away their product for free without their permission? Secondly, a fucking DEMO was leaked. Meaning the song was in the rough stages of its production. It was like that unfinished version of X-Men Origins, or that trailer of The Mummy without all the sound effects. It doesn’t look good on the band, so you should obviously shut that down and shut it down fast. In summary, Metallica did nothing wrong and took down a program full of stolen shit, and people had a hissy fit about it because “muh free music!” Fuck those morons for not understanding how business works.

After the turbulent tides of this period had begun to subside, with James getting clean after a year of rehab, a new bassist being found in Rob Trujillo, and being honored on MTV Icons, Metallica would drop their next studio album and it would prove to be a return to form...sort of...not really.

7 out of 10

St. Anger

This album is one of the most reviled things in music history. Every fan, every critic pretty much hate this record and think it’s an abomination. But, and you’re probably gonna stop reading for this (you probably stopped after the Napster thing), I don’t think it deserves the shit it gets. Don’t get me wrong, 2003’s “St. Anger” is a flawed record for sure. From the odd production, guitar tones, drum sounds, and some of the most tedious songwriting Metallica has ever engaged in, this album is far from a masterpiece. But, that does not mean this is not devoid of highlights. Despite its repetitious nature, there are some gems on this record, and some great riffage from James and Kirk, plus Lars puts on an incredibly underrated drum performance. My personal favourite song has to be the badassery of a diddy known as “Shoot me Again”. This is not a great record, do not get me wrong. It’s arguably the weakest thing Metallica has ever done. but if you give it a chance, there are some solid gems on this record. With Metallica reformed, they would hold off another 5 years on a new record, but we did not expect the course correction that came.

6 out of 10

Death Magnetic

Welcome back, Metallica! With the band parting ways from Elektra records, Metallica was in need of a record label for their new album. Enter the legend known as Rick Rubin. Signing with Warner Brothers and hiring on Rubin as a producer (I use that term liberally by the way because Rubin doesn’t do much producing these days and leaves it up to his underlings), Metallica popped out the staggering comeback known as Death Magnetic. Released in 2008, this album proved to be Metallica’s best record since the Black Album, nixing the repetitive nature of St. Anger and returning to the more grandiose, progressive and technical thrash metal style that made them the legends they are. The guitar work on this album is superb, with James and Kirk laying down some excellent riffs and incredible guitar harmonies. This also proved to be a return to form for Lars Ulrich, laying down some of the most precise drum work he has ever done. My personal favourite song would have to be the insanely heavy instrumental, something that Metallica hasn’t done since Justice, the song known as “Suicide and Redemption”, which like “Call of Chuthlu” and “Orion” before it, served to show off the technical side of their bass player, and Rob Trujillo lays down some killer bass licks in this song. 

While this is arguably their best songwriting in many years, the production leaves a little to be desired, and that’s putting it nicely. The major culprit in all of this? Those fucking guitar tones. Like, what the fuck did you do? It sounds like a two chainsaws grinding against each other, and it splits your fucking ears. Like, listen to that album with good headphones and at a fairly high volume, it’s painful. But, see, here’s the thing. Slayer (A band we will be talking about in the near future), also had Rubin and his crew as producers for World Painted Blood, and it worked for Slayer because that suits their sound. This does not suit Metallica, and it fucking kills an otherwise excellent record. Despite the pitfalls in the production, Metallica’s “Death Magnetic” is a fantastic return to form, and will kick your ass. Buy this record.

With Metallica back on the rise, what new projects would await them? *Listens to Lulu*...DONE!

7.5 out of 10

Lulu

This album...is SHIIIIT. 2011’s collaboration with, of all fucking people, Lou Reed entitled “Lulu” is a failed experiment. Combining the styles of two artists, namely, the experimental, 60s and 70s rock music of someone like Lou Reed and the thrash metal headbanging of Metallica, they did not fit together at all. And listen here folks, collaborations between odd pairings of artists can work. Korn’s team up with various dubstep artists on The Path to Totality album generally was a solid effort by that band; David Bowie, being the musical chameleon he is, fit like a glove when Nine Inch Nails and him worked on remixing “I’m Afraid of Americans”; when Weezer and Lil Wayne teamed up to do “Can’t Stop Partying”...ok, point taken. But still, odd pairings in music can work. But this just didn’t. From the sloppy songwriting put forward by Metallica, to Lou Reed’s rambling street preacher vocal style which only works on certain songs, this album sounds like Lou Reed decided to just rant over a bunch of b-sides Metallica had left over and had no idea what to do with. I suppose if I had to pick a highlight from this album, it would have to be the 2nd last song “Dragon”, a heavy offering that actually manages to marry the styles of these bands quite effectively. But overall, just avoid this record, outside of hearing a couple songs. It’s not for Lou Reed fans, it’s not for Metallica fans, i’ts for no one. Say it with me homeboys, MOVING ON!

3 out of 10

Hardwired to Self Destruct

With the dogshit that is Lulu behind them, Metallica embarked on a few years of touring, playing pretty much nothing but old shit, playing for the first time with the big four, as well as doing fan requested setlists, it was time to head back into the studio and make some kick ass music. The result of this was last year’s Hardwired to Self Destruct. This album is both stronger and weaker than Death Magnetic. It is stronger in that it is much more tightly produced, with those chainsaw guitars being replaced with a more crisp sounding tone more in line with their previous output. With the band getting up there in age, they however show no signs of slowing down, with James’ voice not showing an instance of faltering since blowing it out all those years ago. Further, the guitar work on this album is superb, and Lars lays down some tight and precise drumming. However, this album isn’t the tightest in terms of songwriting, and begins to falter around the end of disc one and by disc two they let out some grade A filler like “Man-Unkind”. Yeah, this song sounds like they’re trying to hearken back to the days of Load with this one, and those days are gone and should stay gone. But this album is not devoid of highlights, with my personal favourite track being the cybernetic dystopian fury of the closing song “Spit Out The Bone”. Hell, the first disc on this album fucking slays, with tracks like “Moth Into Flame” and the grandiose, almost Maiden-esque “Atlas Rise.” Overall, a solid album full of really heavy songs, but the band’s age is showing, and the idea well is starting to run dry. It might be time to hang it up. But we’ll see.

7 out of 10

Well, I thank you for reading this tirade about one of my favourite bands of all time, the incomparable Metallica. Hope you have a good day.

[whyldkratts]

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

[atthevogue]

“The Big Chill” (1983)

Opened: First opened in Louisville in October 1983 at Showcase Cinemas and a few of the other first-run multiplexes.

How often did they show it? The Big Chill played every few months at The Vogue from the tail end of its first theatrical run in 1984 through mid-1987.

Also on the bill: A typical bill from 1987 is Prick Up Your Ears at 7:30 (then a first-run movie), The Big Chill at 9:30, and Creature from the Black Lagoon at 11:30. 

What did the paper say? ★★★1/2 from Courier-Journal film critic Roger Fristoe when it opened in 1983. He called it a “funny, caring film” with “a brilliant ensemble performance of eight of the best young actors in films.”

What was I doing? I was four years old when it opened, and seven and eight when it played at The Vogue. There’s no plausible scenario under which I’d have seen it then, and I’d never seen it before now.

How did I watch it in 2017? Amazon Prime.

The fact that The Big Chill was a reliable presence at The Vogue few years after its release, even taking precedence over first-run features like Prick Up Your Ears, might give us a clue to the theater’s target demographic: boomers. From 1977 to 1998, the years we’re cataloging, I am certain the most reliable patrons of the theater were probably people a lot like the characters in The Big Chill. Mostly children of the Vietnam era, well-educated, white, middle class professionals with some sense of idealism, curdled or not, who’d probably been introduced to international and independent film on college campuses of the ‘60s and ‘70s at places like the University of Michigan, the characters’ alma mater. My guess is a lot of people going into see The Big Chill for the second or maybe third time in 1986 and ‘87 were seeing a version of themselves onscreen.

This was the first time I’d seen it, though its reputation precedes it: a group of college friends reunite for a weekend after their friend kills himself, and come to terms with what they’ve become, and what they mean to each other. I’ve known for a long time it was a major generational landmark for boomers, in terms of both the depiction of the decline and fall of the ‘60s generation, and for the ensemble of actors. That opening scene, scored to “I Heard it Through the Grapevine,” is an absurd roll call of character actor talent that just keeps coming: Kline! Close! Goldblum! Hurt! Berenger! And they all look so young!

I have some Gen-X’r friends that are mildly contemptuous of the movie, in the way people tend to be contemptuous of the mass culture their adult siblings might have been into when they were surly teenagers (like in the way, for example, I think the tentpole X’er Cameron Crowe movies are kind of stupid). I don’t necessarily have the same preconceptions about The Big Chill, as I came almost exactly one generation after the filmmakers. The first scene in movie has Kevin Kline bathing his young son, who’s played by director Lawrence Kasdan’s real-life son Jon. Lawrence Kasdan is about the same age as my parents, and I am almost exactly the same age as Jon. He was born in September 1979, and I was born in November.

Even more than the cast, the movie is maybe best-known for its soundtrack, a cornucopia of what would later be known as oldies, late 1960s superhits like “I Heard it Through the Grapevine” and “Bad Moon Rising.” It’s impossible to imagine a world where Motown songs weren’t totally ubiquitous, but that seems to have been more or less the case in the early 1980s. The first oldies station in Louisville, 103.1 WRKA, launched in 1989, when I was nine years old, and my understanding is that the success of The Big Chill soundtrack kicked off a resurgence in interest in ‘60s music, in the same way American Graffiti kicked off a mania for ‘50s music ten years earlier. For the five or six years following, oldies were the soundtrack of everyday life around the house and in the car, and every one of the songs in heaviest rotation were on that soundtrack. 

In fact, in his original, glowing review of the movie in 1983, Courier-Journal movie critic Roger Fristoe’s sole complaint is "the cliche use of pop songs from the 1960s as a source of easy nostalgia.” I was sort of relieved to read this, because I thought the same thing watching it: Aw, come on, scoring the big group cooking scene to “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg,” a little on the nose, don’t you think? Plus, if they were crazy student revolutionaries in Ann Arbor in 1968, wouldn’t they have been listening to, like, the MC5 and Pharaoh Sanders? I wondered how all this Casey Kasem Top 40 didn’t seem terminally cliched at the time. Perhaps it was, a little bit, but also, maybe deploying those 10-ton nostalgia bombs, less foregrounded in pop culture of the time, was too mighty a force to struggle against for audiences of a certain age and disposition. The songs are loud, too: whenever one of the load-bearing oldies would kick in on the soundtrack, I’d have to turn the TV volume down a few notches. 

It’s hard to cut through all of this boomer nostalgia to get to the emotional core of the movie, though I think it’s buried in there somewhere. I’m the same age now (well, a little older) than most of the characters in the movie, and I’ve also had to come to terms with the same questions of drifting away from college friends and youthful ideals. So you’d think there’d be some resonance. There is, but not as much as one might think.

My college experience was very unlike what a person at the University of Michigan in the late 1960s would have experienced. I also didn’t pivot away from those years as acutely, at least in terms of material reward. I was in college through the 2000 presidential election, the 9/11 attacks and the beginning of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, but it wasn’t like the 1960s. Most of my peers were pretty cynical (or just oblivious) to begin with, and any sparkling youthful idealism I remember comes later, more closely correlated with the anti-war movements leading up to the ‘04 election and the election of Obama in ‘08, when the first wave of my friends’ kids were coming in. More importantly, whatever youthful idealism I had, I certainly didn’t trade in for a career in, ahem, the establishment. Almost no one in my cohort makes as much money as their parents made at the same age, whether they wanted to sell out or not. The idea of cashing in youthful radicalism for stock options and business ownership, a point around which many of the characters’ struggles pivot, is practically in the realm of science fiction seen from the second decade of the twenty-first century. It feels so specific to the boomer experience -- the idea that not only is material comfort an ideological betrayal, but it’s there for the taking to just about anyone who wants it -- that it’s hard to go along with the movie’s gentle insistence that this is a type of universal experience.

Change and growth are universal, though, even stripped of their generational context. That opening scene with “I Heard it Through the Grapevine” is great, with poor dead Alex being suited up, and all the group being introduced one-by-one, setting everyone up for the conflicts and conversations to come. Apparently an earlier cut of the film had flashback scenes, which were later excised because test audiences kept laughing at the period clothing. The movie is stronger without the flashbacks, in the same way keeping the dead friend Alex, played by a spectral Kevin Costner, an unseen presence who never appears on screen. (The fact that you probably come into a contemporary viewing of the movie knowing Kevin Costner’s scenes were cut, and knowing what Kevin Costner looked like and what sort of character he’d play, gives it even more extratextual depth.) The characters are drawn reasonably well, which may have more to do with the fact that actors like Glenn Close and Mary Kay Place and William Hurt are so good at what they do. Even when they’re doing things that seem a little off: the final scene between Kline and Place is kind of hard to believe, even though it’s very sweet and Close in particular really makes it seem plausible.

Kasdan based The Big Chill partly on Jean Renoir’s Rules of the Game, which you can still see shown at a festival or on the streaming service of your choice. People can still recognize themselves in the relationship dynamics of that movie, even if they’re not pre-WWII French noblemen and servants spending a weekend on a country estate. In a way, it’s easier to see the resonance when you’re further removed from the immediate cultural context. I wonder how The Big Chill will look to a person 35 years from now, when the familiarity of those songs has dissipated and the cultural baggage of the 1960s doesn’t mean as much. Maybe closer to how Rules of the Game looks to me now, even if The Big Chill isn’t as good a movie. 

Come to think of it: isn’t this very Vogue theater project a similar form of gauzy nostalgia, fondly glancing back on the lost world of the youthful past, substituting ‘80s art house movies for Motown hits? When William Hurt tells the rest of the group “a long time ago we knew each other for a short period of time,” that felt like the most real part of the movie, a reminder that people have a way of idealizing their own pasts and, particularly, the relationships they had in those years. That’s a tougher line of inquiry than you get in a lot of the movie, even if it’s a little undercut by the fact that the line is played as more an angry outburst than a trenchant insight.

I might be closer to this than I think.

[silverhands-etcetera]

On The Road, Again.

Oh my, it’s been some time, hasn't it? There ain’t a lot of words I can think of to express the change and the loss and the perspective that has come into play since the last time I took to writing my days down on these pages. Perhaps in due time we’ll get around to telling all of the stories, if I can manage to get them out -a few of the tales bring water to my eyes, so maybe it’s good that the medium I work in here is just words, consumed long after they are brought to bear.

Whoa, that got dramatic…

Get this- we’re on tour. I’m in a plane, way up over Saskatchewan. Currently, My parents are in Virginia, my brothers are in their homes, Esme is in Rock Island & BJ is up there in the upper Mississippi valley, Joy & Tom are just above Greenlake, Jack is in Bellevue, Lucien is in Kirkland playing guitar, Ethan is in Nashville, Julian is mixing your next favorite record, and Aimee, Sherri & Michael are a few rows behind me in this huge metal tube up in the sky.

But it wasn’t supposed to be this way - all of us on a direct flight in the same plane, that is. I bought a ticket that sent me through Salt Lake City, entirely on the basis of economy. That was a couple months ago. A whole lot has transpired since then, on the road to me sitting in 23B, and pecking out this story.

This trip has been in the works for some time. Back when we were young & idealistic & slightly more foolish than I am right now.(I am aware that I changed our pronoun in mid sentence there, but it seems more correct that way.) I only jest a little about my altered level of foolishness. I know it’s a bit of a cliche, but sometimes there are events that open your eyes to how things really are, the people who glue your world together, and the people we hold esteem for without any real reason except for the ideas in our own heads. I’ve spent a lot of my life making space for, and forgiving the acts of one particular person. I wish it wasn’t so, but sometimes it takes a full-on tragedy to open the eyes of a fool such as I. I’m not gonna get into that right now, but I’m in a space where there is no grey area. I am heavy on regrets & light on shame or burdens.

I ain’t taken a band on the road for a couple years now. I have walked a many hundreds of miles in Spain in my last couple visits, but haven’t played a proper gig on the european continent since the (pre-election) 2016 tour. And my travel writing has dropped off too. Last spring, I thought I was in bad shape. I was nursing a broken heart, for sure. Since then I have lost my most noble role model, my strongest mentor, and the Dog who straight-up saved my life when I couldn’t find my identity or purpose. So yeah, a few things have changed. Anybody who knew Manolo, Steve or Faron would readily understand how the world is different without them in it. I’ve learned a lot from the choices they made, and the self-righteous acts of those who would take their choices away from them. I wish there was a way I could have learned the lesson without all the grief, but we all know that real lessons don’t come cheap.

As always, I digress. -

I think it was around February this year, I was talking to Alwin about bringing Silverhands back to Germany. We were talking about a gig in Erkelenz. I’d been rethinking what my band meant. Trying to get the songs to return to their essence, so to speak. Along the way, if I could step up my guitar playing that’d be pretty cool too… so Silverhands is a 3-piece band now. Just Aimee on the drums & Sherri on the bass, and most dramatically different- just me on guitar. We work really hard on letting the songs breathe and just exist. Many times in the past I have felt the joy of being pulled along by the songs and the people playing them. It’s a beautiful thing to hear a little sonic progeny of your very own sitting up and telling you how the ride is gonna go. Showing you that it has a voice of its own & there ain’t nothing you can do about it. Kinda how I imagine it’s like to have grown children. But songs ain’t children, and they are never too old for me to put over my knee & change their attitude when I see fit.

This stage in the life of my band is where I chill the hell out & try to assess where the songs are, and to potentially cull anything that doesn’t stand up on it’s own. I’ve been blessed with some inspired lead players -folks who can slip deeper melodic passages between the & and the 1 than I often manage to fortify an entire verse with. The beauty of this is that I can show up to any gig, hack out three chords and an occasional minor VI, and somebody is gonna turn it into music. Right now I’m trying to make sure I’m holding up my end of the bargain, and hoping to inform any future songwriting with a deeper level of independence from flourish. Clapton did a good job with JJ Cale songs, but they were all better when they were just JJ Cale songs.

I play with a few bands. Silverhands doesn’t even get the bulk of my time. I am lucky enough to play gigs with lots of varied folks playing all kinds of stuff, but I’m only IN just a couple of bands -I still get to play drums for the Joy Mills band, I play prog-funk & straight-up hardcore bluegrass on the bass fiddle with Supernatal & Darlin’ Do, respectively, and I rock the shit out of the electric Bass with Del Vox (if I might say so myself).

All y’all know that Del Vox is Sherri Jerome. And Sherri Jerome is Del Vox. I loooove these songs. There’s a lot of challenge in them, and consequently, there is much reward in playing with this batch of people.

It so happened that Sherri & I were both considering tour booking around the same time. Our bands’ unique personnel situations allowed us an opportunity to benefit from the usually mundane and costly logistics of travel. We booked each band on its own short run of dates, in mostly the same circuit of venues, back-to-back from the middle of September to the middle of October. Both bands are hitting some familiar haunts & some fresh new cities. (I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been to Temse) (I actually have very few retrievable memories of belgium in general, but I’m pretty sure it’s always a good time)

As the tours started coming together, we began the long process of planning, preparing, refining our concepts, & ultimately packing our bags. I spent a lot of time deferring the literal act of packing, as well as much of the intangible act of “planning”, due to a hyper-busy summer into autumn -I have been playing a lot of bass gigs, stretching out on some country chops that I apparently grew up knowing, but never had the sense to use before now. I love learning new music & playing with new bands, but it takes up a big part of my brain, and ultimately all the clerical duties of being in a band tend to suffer for the sake of The Gig. I recognize that gigs are dependent on me being able to plan/book them, but when that big boulder gets rolling, sometimes you just do your best to stay in front of it.

So I bought a plane ticket awhile back, but really hadn’t put any thought into “planning” anything until Monday, and hadn’t considered “packing” until Tuesday morning. On Monday I realized that I had basically one pair of pants. And I was about to share a van with 3 people for a month. On Tuesday, newly outfitted, I realized I had no luggage that would fit all of the things I need to carry for this venture. Enter the Goodwill on 145th…

A giant, yet slim, tweed trunk, like the kind you'd expect to see on top of a stagecoach, goes home with me on Tuesday. I took the neck of my ’72 Geddy Lee Jazz bass & toss it in with about 20 plain black t-shirts and some socks. I am set.

I still had a gig to play on Tuesday night, so Jack loaned me his slick new blonde Jazz bass, which plays like 80 degree butter, and I went down to Conor’s to sew some pockets with Kelly Van Camp in Fredd’s new Tuesday-night project. My plan was to drink one beer & head home straight after the gig, but the North Star beckoned, and I was out till roughly 2:30, in bed by 3. It was a good night.

My eyes open around 9 AM on Wednesday. All I know is that I need to pick up the drummer at 1, and I need to get my second pair of pants in the laundry. I take a moment to consider falling back asleep, just playing guitar all morning, or any number of things more lovely than washing clothes & lugging suitcases. But we’ve got a job to do, and it starts with some cabbage & eggs. Just like every morning.

When I consider intangibles like “time” and “distance”, it always seems feasible that you could do all you need to do, clean up the dishes, take a nap, a walk in the park, entertain guests, and get a shine on your shoes all before 1pm. As it was, it was all I could do to meet up with the coffee crew up at the Herkimer before the headache started setting in. It was good to get a breather in what was going to be a very long day. Jackie & Aimee & I sat in the sun and moderated our respective awarenesses with warm beverages, warm sun and oxygen. Joy met us up at Graycie’s house, where we all piled in the van with our cases & bags and the remainder of an old flask that Aimee found in the back seat of my car. Let’s get this show on the road.

It was all we could do to find a table at the airport bar, another story altogether in getting any beverages brought to us. So after one round, I had to split to head to my gate & get on my two-part flight, while the rest of the band gets on the direct flight an hour later (remember, this was the story I was telling) but at my gate, there was no airplane. I expressed my concerns at the help desk in missing my connection, and the dear woman immediately rebooked me on the direct Seattle-Amsterdam flight. With the rest of my band.

A short train ride over to the international terminal, and now here I am. Or here we are, as it were.

Now that I’ve had my airline bottle of Dewar’s & a tiny chicken salad and fruit cup, we’re all up to speed -the only real variable being, will my old tweed trunk and the precious bass inside of it get to Amsterdam with me? But this is ultimately a question for the next episode, which starts roughly when the sun rises over Holland on Thursday morning.

-

At this point in the blog, we’ll find ourselves at the beginning of one story, chronologically, but also at the end, as things go on the page. Feel free to continue reading about my previous adventures, walking in Spain, and past tours way back to some bygone days.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

[disappointingpastasalad]

fuckin answer all the questions, esp 104 but all of them waste your day

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? >>>Yikes Wazowski

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?>>>YIKES WAZOWSKI

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?>>>nah man, we goin through this shit together either way

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?>>>yea

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?>>>…….. high ?

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?>>>lmao yeah but ain’t that just the way

7. What does your last received text say?>>>it’s an image of Michael Scott

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?>>>thank god that was the only time 😭

9. Where was your last kiss at?>>>a friend’s basement

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?>>>mmmm last week ?

11. What do you drink in the morning?>>>usually water or milk lol

12. Where did you sleep last night?>>>in my bed 😩👌🏻

13. Do you think relationships are hard?>>>emotionally ? Yes. Physically ? Not at allllll

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?>>>yeahhhhhh

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?>>>YEP

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?>>>rainyyy

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?>>>……..unfortunately I have the most common middle name for white girls

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?>>>sweat pantssssss

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?>>>hope soooo

20. Does anyone like you?>>>yee

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?>>>not that I know of lol

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?>>>arguably, yes

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?>>>lmao YEAH a few actually

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?>>>MORE THAN YOU KNOW

25. In the past week have you cried?>>>SEE ABOVE

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? >>>a pitbull mix :)

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?>>>both, it’s a process

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?>>>lol yea

29. Do you think you’re old?>>>nah. im only 18

30. Do you like text messaging?>>>more than talking on the phone, yeah

31. What type of day are you having?>>>slow, boring

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?>>>ye, figured a lip ring would look better lol

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?>>>cold–it is my natural state of being

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?>>>several !!

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?>>>right now I think id rather a nice lil fling

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?>>>I am but a simple farm boy in most regards, though I am a complex city slicker at times

37. What song are you listening to?>>>im actually listening to a podcast about Jeffrey Dahmer rn yikes

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?>>>nearly 100% of the time

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?>>>yea its @solarscam on here lmao

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?>>>idk he’s cute and funny and we vibe well

41. When did you last receive a text message?>>>like 3 minutes ago lol

42. What is wrong with you right now?>>>Too Much to name

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?>>>it was my mom so pretty well? I was inside of her so

44. Does anyone disgust you?>>>other than myself?? The person who made me feel like this abt myself

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?>>>tbh yeah

46. Are you in a good mood right now?>>>im not in a bad mood lol

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?>>>my sister, moments ago

48. What color shirt are you wearing?>>>red rn

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?>>>yeah, quite a bit from multiple people retry recently.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?>>>only a few ex friends 🤗

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?>>>nah, I don’t think I’ve ever Truly Fallen

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?>>>mmHhmmmm

53. Do you like rain?>>>yes yes yes

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?>>>I’d hope they would be cool with me drinking at least, otherwise I dong give a fuck

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?>>>its my MO tbh

56. Do you like to cuddle?>>>YES YEs I love it yes

57. Are you shy?>>>lol only if im around ppl I want to impress

58. Do you get along with girls?>>>?? Yeah man

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?>>>nah but we did just start talking over tinder so 💁🏻‍♂️

60. What do you carry with you at all times?>>>color-changing silly putty and chapstick 😅

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?>>>yeah man im a slut for paranormal activity and $$$

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?>>>depends on the relationship tbh

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?>>>nope

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?>>>yes omg

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?>>>nah. Mostly things that are remarkably un-cute

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?>>>shit like, 18, 20, and 22 I believe ??

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? >>>pay, im not very good

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? >>>ew to both but I guess leopard ?? Idfk

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? >>>nah. Too dirty

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? >>>depends on my mood lol

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone? >>>iPhone. Im an apple bitch 🙃

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? >>>probably like, a week or two ago

73. Do you like diet soda? >>>ew no I have standards

74. What color are the walls in your room? >>>blueish green

75. Are you 16 or older? >>>I sure hope so

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?>>>tried to, more of a gossip girl guy myself tbh

77. Do you have a job? >>>yep! Grinding foam at a factory 😂

78. What are your initials? >>>they’re gonna be AQL soon lol

79. Did you ever have braces? >>>*war flashbacks* yeah

80. Are you from the south? >>>South West Michigan lmao

81. What does your last status on facebook say? >>>idfk probably me thanking ppl for coming to my grad party

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? >>>lmao yeah

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? >>>my mom for sure

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?>>>nooooo

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? >>>Captain Underpants 😩👌🏻

86. Do you smoke? >>>only 🍁🔥

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? >>>Flippity floppity floo

88. Is your phone touch screen? >>>in this, the year of our lord 2017, who’s phone isn’t

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? >>>its naturally pretty straight but when it gets long it likes to flip up at the ends lol

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? >>>yeah

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? >>>pool tbh, unless its like Lake Michigan lol

92. Have you ever made out in a car? >>>yes

93. …Had sex in a car? >>>lol not yet

94. Are you single or in a relationship? >>>painfully single

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? >>>trying to forget some stuff by doing reckless things

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? >>>lol last night

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? >>>yeah it’s not too shabby

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? >>>I mean?? Kind of

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? >>>no, but I’ve helped a few different people when they passed out

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? >>>mHmm

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? >>>lmao not yet

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: >>>BITCH probably We R Who We R

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? >>>yeah from my binder on my back lol

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? >>>I hate that I have done this before ??

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

It’s really late but I’ma rant anyway - my least favorite fics are the ones that “take place in modern day” (even though the world they’re in should actually be like decades earlier, HMMMM) or “Random, generic white girl usually self-insert character gets to time travel to the ‘60s/’70s/’80s and meet her heroes.”

Nope. Count me the fuck out. Every single time.

I’m also being salty about this because someone who I’m salty about here on Tumblr who is also a writer - and a fairly popular one as far as I’ve noticed - on Wattpad apparently prefers those types of fics and I’m just like, ‘HAAAAAA, SO YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE, EH.’ Now I’m even more uninterested. (And to be fair, before you go, “But you were specifically looking for them, weren’t you! So you were interested!” Actually, I was perusing the followers list of one of my followers and found them, and I recognized their screen name so I was like *narrows eyes* ‘Yeah, okay, what have you been up to...’ Also, I haven’t updated any of my fics since like October 2017 - up until the night before yesterday - so as you can probably assume, I have not been on Wattpad much lately at all.)

Maybe my favorite types of fics (I mean about my OTP) are no longer written and updated as frequently anymore, but hey, give me a break - I’ve been writing and publishing my fics since 2015, and while I haven’t finished most of them, I just started continuing one that I hadn’t updated since July (2017). My point is, I don’t mind waiting for the good stuff if other people don’t. I’m like Janis, y’all - I don’t settle. (But also because settling on reading badly written fics/fics that deal with morally questionable subjects gives me metaphorical Hansen’s disease on the inside. That sounds extreme but THAT’S HOW I IMAGINE IT WHEN I EVEN MAKE AN ATTEMPT. I ALWAYS REGRET IT.)

Also, to analyze myself and my own preferences further, I think one reason why my fics are even more niche, if you will, than a lot of other current ones is because I prefer the historical aspect, like, um, ALWAYS? LIKE, 100% OF THE TIME? BUT THAT’S BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING GIANT-ASS HISTORY NERD. I LOVE HISTORY. I LOVE “WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE” BY BILLY JOEL AND I BASICALLY KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO THAT SONG, TOO. (That was a really bad and cliché af example but you know what, I dared. Oh well if it makes me a hypocrite. Even though “We Didn’t Start the Fire” is from the ‘80s so ACTUALLY...not too hypocritical here.) And the ones I most frequently see, even related to my OTP, is the first kind of fic I hate - the “set in modern day” type. I just...hate it. Like, okay, maybe I’m romanticizing the past a little (a little!) but that’s because the present ain’t all fuckin’ roses and shit, either. But of course, it’s not like I, who has grown up in more of the 21st century than the 20th century, am not guilty of including modern concepts in my fics, because I totally do. Usually they’re more political/social concepts, though, and not actual, material concepts, so that’s how it’s different. BUT STILL. I JUST REALLY LOVE HISTORY AND EXPLORING THAT ASPECT THE MOST, even if I do end up weakening some of the social/political concepts of the time I’m writing about to fit my idea. Oh well! That’s why it’s fiction, never mind that it’s fanfiction. That’s why it’s fun to be a writer. LOL

[symmetrica]

My Favorite Music of 2016

At the end of another year, I’ve made another list of my favorite songs, albums, and cover songs of the year, as I usually do. 2016 was an interesting year for music... and by interesting I mean the worst year for new music since 2004, when I started keeping track. It’s not even close. As I predicted back in 2010, the Death of the Album hit hard this year, with quality albums decreasing by 75% or more from previous years. I only have 10 albums on my Best of 2016 list this year, rather than 30 to 50, like past years. Spotify, YouTube, MP3 players, smartphones, attention span, oversaturation of the market... they’ve all caused the Death of the Album. Hell, many of my peers can’t even identify albums by their favorite artists, much less which song goes on which album. They rarely if ever listen to music in the album format. But there are many reasons for the Death of the Album, and I don’t want to rehash them all here. Suffice it to say that, while albums were almost meaningless in 2016, artists of all genres are still regularly releasing amazing songs. Regardless, it was a weak year for songs too: I had just over 1,000 4- and 5-star rated songs in my iTunes from 2016, as opposed to over 1,400 each of the last few years. Luckily, the list was top-heavy, which resulted in a very enjoyable Top 100. Unlike past years, I won’t be commenting on the songs or listing genres, in order to save time -- I’m a busy person these days. But I’ve compiled playlists on Minilogs and YouTube that I will post so you can listen through the Top 100 songs if you’d like. Albums, EPs, and cover songs can easily be found on Spotify, YouTube, or other streaming services. Similar to past years, I combined my own tastes, my impression of what constitutes a “great song,” the tastes of music critics and peers, and my impression of the lasting value of the song in order to create this list. First up are the songs, followed by the lists for albums, EPs, and cover songs. I hope you enjoy the music!

Top 100 Songs

1) Twenty One Pilots - "Stressed Out" 2) Kendrick Lamar - "Untitled 2 (Live on Jimmy Fallon)" 3) The Avett Brothers - "Ain't No Man" 4) Sun Kil Moon & Jesu - "Needles Disney World" 5) Ramin Djawadi - "Light of the Seven" 6) DJ Shadow - "Nobody Speak (ft. Run the Jewels)" 7) Safia - "Counting Sheep" 8) Sinkane - "U'Huh" 9) Woods - "Can't See at All" 10) O Mer - "Overflown" 11) Twenty One Pilots - "Heathens" 12) The Avalanches - "Subways" 13) Rag'n'Bone Man - "Human" 14) Miner - "Lead Me to the Water" 15) Andrew Judah - "Nothing but Questions" 16) The Weeknd - "I Feel It Coming (ft. Daft Punk)" 17) Meeka Kates - "Empire (ft. Allen Ginsberg)" 18) Sun Kil Moon - "I Love Portugal" 19) My Darling Fury - "Satisfied" 20) Kutiman - "Shine Again (ft. Adam Scheflan)" 21) The Heavy - "Not the One" 22) Fairchild - "Start Again" 23) Papa - "Rain More" 24) Night Lights - "Childish" 25) Miike Snow - "Genghis Khan" 26) Mike Posner - "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" 27) Memoryy - "Out of the Dark" 28) Kent Odessa - "Palms Motel" 29) Miamigo - "Everyone I Know" 30) Safia - "Make Them Wheels Roll" 31) Bastille - "Blame" 32) Fitz and the Tantrums - "Get Right Back" 33) Fairchild - "Nom de Guerre" 34) Woods - "Sun City Creeps" 35) Ages and Ages - "As It Is" 36) Michael Nau - "Love Survive" 37) Hedge Fund - "Summer's Getting Shorter" 38) Hot Rumour - "Run to Me" 39) Andrew Judah - "Vain Confabulations" 40) Royal Canoe - "Walk Out on the Water" 41) The Avalanches - "Frankie Sinatra (ft. Danny Brown & Mf Doom)" 42) Sofi Tukker - "Hey Lion" 43) Kill J - "Propaganda" 44) Jidenna - "Chief Don't Run" 45) Unknown Mortal Orchestra - "First World Problem" 46) The Heavy - "Since You Been Gone" 47) Mating Ritual - "I Can't Dance" 48) Kaye - "Honey" 49) Wild Beasts - "Big Cat" 50) Phantogram - "You Don't Get Me High Anymore" 51) Tom Bem - "Consume, Be Silent, Die " 52) The Strumbellas - "Spirits" 53) Young Guns - "Bulletproof" 54) Billy Talent - "Rabbit Down the Hole" 55) My Heart the Brave - "Runner" 56) San Fermin - "Shiver (ft. Sam Amidon)" 57) Sofi Tukker - "Matadora" 58) Jagwar Ma - "Loose Ends" 59) Tennis - "Ladies Don't Play Guitar" 60) Sleigh Bells - "Rule Number One" 61) Imany - "Don't Be So Shy (Filatov & Karas Remix)" 62) Whilk and Misky - "I Want Your Lovin'" 63) Alicia Keys - "Holy War" 64) Wild Nothing - "Reichpop" 65) Con Brio - "Free and Brave" 66) Coasts - "Modern Love" 67) Roosevelt - "Belong" 68) Glass Animals - "Life Itself" 69) The Lumineers - "Ophelia" 70) EL VY - "Are These My Jets" 71) Farewell Teddy - "Huxley, Party of One" 72) Fairchild - "Neighbourhoods" 73) Elel - "When She Walks" 74) Mike Posner - "Jade" 75) Pet Shop Boys - "Happiness" 76) Adam Jensen - "Drugs" 77) Andrew Judah - "Blue" 78) POP ETC - "Bad Break" 79) Cullen Omori - "Cinnamon" 80) Kevin Morby - "I Have Been to the Mountain" 81) Norah Jones - "Carry On" 82) James Blake - "Timeless" 83) Chairlift - "Ch-Ching" 84) Animal Collective - "Gnip Gnop" 85) Coast Modern - "The Way It Was" 86) Blue October - "Coal Makes Diamonds" 87) Lady Gaga - "Perfect Illusion" 88) Tiger Army - "I Am the Moth" 89) July Talk - "Push + Pull" 90) Fairchild - "Relevance" 91) Bastille - "Fake It" 92) Kent - "Andromeda" 93) Alex Clare - "Gotta Get Up" 94) Jimmy Eat World - "Sure and Certain" 95) Thrice - "Blood on the Sand" 96) Kai Straw - "Don't Tread on Me" 97) Junior Prom - "You, Me, and Joe Strummer" 98) Two Door Cinema Club - "Are We Ready? (Wreck)" 99) Kongos - "Repeat After Me" 100) Paper Route - "Laugh About It"

Top 10 Albums

1. Woods - City Sun Eater in the River of Light 2. The Heavy - Hurt & the Merciless 3. Jagwar Ma - Every Now & Then 4. Ramin Djawadi - Game of Thrones: Season 6 5. Kendrick Lamar - untitled unmastered. 6. Coasts - Coasts 7. Umphrey's McGee - Zonkey 8. Dorothy - Rockisdead 9. Cullen Omori - New Misery 10. The Temper Trap - Thick as Thieves

Top 4 EPs

1. Sofi Tukker - Soft Animals 2. Andrew Judah - Metanoia Pt. IV 3. Andrew Judah - Metanoia Pt. V 4. Kill J - Quasi

Top 10 Cover Songs

1. Florence + the Machine - “Stand by Me (Ben E. King cover)” 2. The War on Drugs - “Touch of Grey (The Grateful Dead cover)” 3. Umphrey’s McGee - “National Loser Anthem (Radiohead, Beck & Phil Collins cover)” 4. Unknown Mortal Orchestra - “Shakedown Street (The Grateful Dead cover)” 5. Elel - “Let’s Dance (David Bowie cover)” 6. Umphrey’s McGee - “Come As Your Kids (Nirvana, MGMT & Dead or Alive cover)” 7. Blitzen Trapper - “I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow (Soggy Bottom Boys cover)” 8. Twenty One Pilots - “Cancer (My Chemical Romance cover)” 9. Say Lou Lou - “Stayin’ Alive (Bee Gees cover)” 10. Unified Highway - “Losing My Religion (R.E.M. cover)”

[undressrehearsal]

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 16, 18, 23, 25, 29 wut, 30, 33, 34, 37, 39, 41, 44, 45, 46, 48, 49, 50, 52, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 61, 63, 65, 67, 68, 69, 71, 73, 74, 75, 76, 77, 78, 79, 80, 82, 85, 86, 88, 90, 92, 94, 97, 98. Love you baby!!

i swear lmao

2. Is your room messy or clean?it is ridiculously messy ok it looks like a bomb went off in here

3. What color are your eyes?they’re generally green/hazel

4. Do you like your name? Why?i suppose? it’s a cool name and I get compliments on it a lot and people tell me i sound like a character from an indie novel or something

5. what is your relationship status?really babe

6. Describe your personality in 3 words or less? shy yet charming (i hope lol)

9. Where do you shop?if i wanna go shopping i generally go to our tiny ass mall and look at rue 21 or something. or i shop on amazon or something tbh

10. How would you describe your styledressed to kill, 6 year old, or hobo. depends on the day

11. Favorite social media account?instagram probs

14. If you can live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why?paris. i know that’s cliche but i always wanted to live there

15. Favorite snapchat filter?the one that makes bubbles form everywhere

16. Favorite makeup brand(s)?i really love anastasia and too faced but i can’t afford either of them whoops

18. Favorite TV show?steven universe probs

23. Describe your dream date?movie date tbh. cuddling w a bunch of pillows and blankets and fairy lights with our favorite movies playing

25. What color socks are you wearing?i’m not lol

29. What’s the worse thing you have ever done?let someone kiss me when i knew he had a gf (it’s been five years and i still feel bad about it end me)

30. What’s your favorite candle scent?i like really warm smells whether their spicy or sweet. i don’t have a specific one

33. Favorite actor? nick smith lol

34. Favorite actress?emma watson

37. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?not as much as I used to but my favorite book is miss peregrine’s home for peculiar children

39. Do you have a nickname? What is it?most people call me jae and a few still call me tink or tinkerbell (from being in our school’s play peter pan)

41. Top 10 favorite songsdon’t give me this responsibilty

44. What is your biggest fear? growing up. not as in getting older just growing up

45. How many kids do you want?I want 2 cats

46. What’s your go to hairstyle?i call it the “should i brush my hair today or nah?”

48. Who is your role model?dodie clark tbh

49. What was the last compliment you received?ahh i think someone called me pretty yesterday

50. What was the last text you sent?“yeah we went to universal i had a lot of fun” (to my nanny)

52. What is your dream car?something that drives and doesn’t take up too much gas lol

54. Do you go to college? not yet but I will in a few months

55. What is your dream job?a writer

56. Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?ehh i like rural areas cause they’re quiet and peaceful but i also don’t wanna drive 30 minutes to a mcdonalds yfm

57. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?sometimes oops

58. Do you have freckles?i have some on my shoulders but otherwise not really

61. Have you ever peed in the woods?not since i was a smol lil country girl lmao

63. Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonald’s?Wendy’s hands down

65. What do you wear to bed?Lately nothing but underwear. sometimes i’ll wear one of your tshirts tho

67. What are your hobbies? drawing, writing, reading, sleeping

68. Can you draw?ye i’d say i’m ok

69. Do you play an instrument?I can kinda play the piano

71. Tea or coffee?tea fuck coffee

73. Do you want to get married?are you proposing? :o

74. What is your crush’s first and last initial?really babee.v. nerdass

75. Are you going to change your last name when you get married?ye i ain’t staying a hart forever

76. What color looks best on you?I think pink looks really good on me

77. Do you miss anyone right now?ye a lot

78. Do you sleep with your door open or closed?closed people are sleep with it opened can’t be trusted

79. Do you believe in ghosts?ye

80. What is your biggest pet peeve?being lectured tbh

82. Favorite ice cream flavor?salted caramel

85. What shirt are you wearing?the red sleeping with sirens on you gave me

86. What is your phone background?a pic of us from disney world 

88. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YESSSSSS

90. Do you wash your face? At night? In the morning?i do mostly at night but sometimes if i skip it at night i’ll do it in the morning

92. Have you ever been drunk?ehhhh i suppose

94. Favorite lyrics right now? “let’s see what time will do for hopeless dreamers” has always been one of my favorites 

97. Dark, milk, or white chocolate?white chocolate like a heathen 

98. Favorite month?october