#7th grade i understand
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ill forever adore going through my old sketchbooks because its like going through memories i never knew i had
#dpdr my beloathed<3#memory gaps i hate you !!#like what the fuck do you MEAN i cant tell when somethings real and somethings not#its ironic how my longest lasting memories are when i was drunk#like you would THINK that would be the most forgotten thing#but nope!#maybe because msot of the times i was drunk deeply affected me as a person#and i wont stop reminding myself about it#but!#brain if youre gonna fuck up my memories please let me forget the oens i want to forget pls n thanks#ugh#vent post#vent#dolirants#i love projecting onto laurens though if you couldnt tell#riddling that bitch with anxiety and paranoia and dpdr and rvery problem ive ever faced#honestly i think my mind starting blocking out just..everything#like everything ever#8th grade wasnt even bad ?#likr maam could i like#idk#remember that pls?#7th grade i understand#but like ?#can i remember the rest?#ughh#me ranting in the tags again
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is this too niche.
aka i SWEAR i've seen a total drama life series art thing but when i went to go look for it i couldn't find any SOOOOOOO i made it myself
Bonus:
Alenoah as that one desert duo scene because i was stumped on who i should've drawn for that scene
#trafficblr#life series#grian#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#should i tag total drama too?#yeah sure whatever okay#total drama#noah td#alejandro td#alenoah#not really meant to be shippy but i can understand if it is taken that way#i will not be surprised if this kinda flops#7th grade total drama fixation came back and so obviously i melded it with my other favorite thing#eh they're both practically death games#if you do not fit into this niche but you found this i'm sorry but there is so much i need to explain if you don't get that second photo#and just so little time#my art
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If I start speaking French more often here I fear it is the remarkably quick effect of living with 1 francophone. Rn irl it's about a 1:10 ratio of French to English mais deux de ses amis vont être ici pour une semaine et ils ne parlent pas beaucoup d'anglais alors on va voir lmao
#look anika's talking!#and the other person who lives here speaks some french as well#its interesting cause like. her vocabulary is better than mine and she's FAR better at understanding it bc ive only had anglophone teachers#but im a lot more natural sounding and i dont have to think as much abt what im gonna say#+ she knows more grammar than me bc she like. actually learned it very by the book.#whereas i was just told in 7th grade that i could only speak french in class so my dialect is just a bunch of 12yos making it up together#+ 6 years experience 💀 so ive got less of an english accent than hed#*her#okay rambling done!
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#book Johnny and dally#i found a paperback copy of the outsiders at work a few weeks ago and fully annotationed it#then my friend got really into the musical when the album came out#so here i am#not in 7th grade#but i still like it#the outsiders#johnny cade#dallas winston#dally winston#the outsiders fanart#art#my art#watercolor and ink on paper#fanart#i like how johnny turned out#might fuck around and put this in thd jally tag#this was my first tumblr fandom#jally#i reread their descriptions from the booksnd johnnys scar is way bigger than i thought#also dally gets like 3× the description of any other character#the more pony explains the less he understands
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me talking about what's happening when I first started to learn about it: well there's clearly a lot of layers to the conflict :((( I hope everyone makes it through okay
me talking about the genocide happening in palestine now: if you still say "BUT HAMAS-" I would like to personally invite you to swan dive into your nearest cement mixer
#mine#its one of those things where it only gets clearer the longer it goes on#free palestine#gaza strip#i first heard about it in 7th grade but i had no understanding of it bc my teacher didn't explain it well at all
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An. An, beloved, why are you struggling with 珍 of all things. An that is N2 level kanji. An please
#jay rambles.txt#Japanese language levels go in reverse to the European ones#eg A2 is more advanced A1 for Spanish for example but in Japanese it's N1 being more advanced than N2#therefore N2 is the second most advanced word. just around English C1 or high B2#but you are a native speaker An. An you were supposed to learn this word in 7th grade. why are you like this#(<- loves her to death)#I guess there's something freakier than my N5 level mind can understand going on because she literally repeats the same thing while trying#to understand the meaning the kanji she's reading. I think. it's actually written in hiragana but the explanation has the same word in 珍しい#in other words I have given up but she is still silly
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SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR. KEVIN PHILLIPS
#super dark times#zach taylor#allison bannister#sam edits#if you listen closely you can hear the sound of both mine and Allison's hearts breaking! <3#ok but fr: i know this is gifs. so no sound. but the WAY he DELIVERS the 'you've got a bump on your head' line makes me NUTS#it's so soft. it's so fond. it's... it's a punch in the fucking gut. he likes her *so much* but he *can't let himself have this nice#thing with her* because he's *being eaten alive by guilt he can't accept & won't let himself be happy because of it* and SHE DOESN'T KNOW!#like the thing. the thing is. when you watch SDT you're along the ride with Zach and his POV of everything. despite the obvious paranoia#& guilt warping his perspective/influencing his behavior—we can see where that's all coming from. we understand the motivations#behind the actions he takes. but ALLISON? Allison has no fucking clue what's going on! from Allison's perspective... Zach is this guy she's#known for a while (like they make a point of *telling us* in one of the earliest scenes that Zach feels weird talking about her in the#detached way they may talk abt other people in their grade they barely know—because it's *different* since he and Josh *actually know her*#plus in the script [and it STILL COUNTS TO ME because she *starts* saying the line but just gets cut off by Dennis] Allison brings#up Zach & Josh having had a silly handshake since 7th grade ['oh god that used to make me pee!' <- girl why would u say that to him]#so it's like... these are kids who've known each other for years!) and he's got this obvious fucking crush on her (the hallway scene where#he is. blatantly staring and she catches him for a second) and the moment she decides to actually start pursuing him because SHE'S#got a crush on HIM too... he starts pulling away and acting erratic and sending her the most mixed signals in the fucking world.#and sheee THINKSSS ITS HERRR FAULT!!!!!!!! like. listen. this scene i giffed above? this is what she's fucking talking about later#when she jokes about not wanting to 'scare him off again'. like sure she says it like a joke but... uhm. i simply think there's#a certain amount of truth to it too—because he DID leave the party visibly freaked out! and i think it'd be perfectly believable for her#to think that it was at least partially HER pushing too hard that was causing him to withdraw/pull away from her. plus she blatantly says#she thinks she's the reason Josh & Zach are fighting. like. this poor girl is on the outskirts of a tragedy she'll probably NEVER know the#details of but she's seeing firsthand the impact it's having on Zach and... blaming herself... that's so fucking heartbreaking
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I could have therapy rn yk. If my dad didn't outright say no to me when I ASKED HIM BTW
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I'm still so mad abt that#It was beginning of my sophomore year this year when I was all over the place#and I had a genuine talk with him and then asked for therapy#and he said “it's not as good as they say it is” or whatever#my mother fucking HAD therapy#and she's talked to me abt it before that if I think I ever need one tell them but nooo my dad says#she even said if I need to switch therapists until I find the right one I could#“it's expensive” he says. yeah no SHIT#“it probably won't help you” and what if it does?? I think it could help me tremendously ngl and if it doesn't I tried#yeah therapy isn't right for everyone but can I at least fucking TRY?? LIKE HELLO??#the one time I ask for therapy I get shut down after contemplating to ask for YEARS BTW#SINCE LIKE 8TH OR 7TH GRADE#I'M IN FUCKING 10TH GRADE NOW??#they always fucking tell me I can come to them abt anything but they both shut me down and dismiss me esp my dad#at least my mom tries to understand
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I love how kind u are and i too have such a hard time letting go! Like im still hurt over something that happened in elementary school and while it wasn’t too bad to others it was hurtful to me
being hurt over something from elementary school is so real, sometimes I get mad at myself over something I said or did in middle school, like girl you did not need to be rude that day in 6th grade to the boy who was dating your best friend/girl you had a crush on
#the turtle gets asks#it's worse cause he came out as gay when we were in 7th grade#and like we became friends when I was in 7th grade too#so i am probably the only person who still thinks about the day I was rude to him because he started dating my friend the day before#and they broke up like two weeks later - it's stupid for me to obsess over it#and yet on a bad day I'll look at that and be like ''see you are actually a terrible person''#and it's like no i was just 12 and didn't understand what i was feeling so I was rude to him on one day
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my amrev mooties watching me mass reblog the outsiders stuff and probably being extremely confused or something
#im hoping you guys read the outsiders in school#ive actually read the outsiders twice in school ?#urgg my outsiders phase in like 7th grade comin back around#two very conflicting fandoms might i add#but also im not very invested in the fandom#i just think dallas is cool#shameless dally apologist#i KNOW he was a shitty person throughout the book and whatnot#and he was probably a horrible influence#but he hit. kinda close to home#that mutually obsessive relationship w/ johnny ohmmygod#its just :(#ME TOO!!#trying to kys over your fp is extremely real and unfortunately i completely get it#and his IMPULSIVENESS#AND HIS PUSHING AWAY OF EVERY EMOTION AND BASICALLY BEING A TICKING TIME BOMB AUGH#i will SHAMELESSLY say that dally is my favorite#i like johnny and pony and two bit and soda and whatnot#but dally just hits WAY too hard#imcrying over his entire dynamic with johnny actually#because i GET IT#i udnerstand it way too hard:(#mutual obsession and then fucking destroying each other in the process is VERY REAL#AND I HATE IT#BECAUSE I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT!!!#ive said id kms if my fp died way too many times and i 100% meant it#COUGH because girly tried COUGH#okay im just lore dumping in yhe tags#moral og the story is doli is insane and relates way too hard to dally to be normal#dolirants
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dookie has been one of my favorite records for nearly 13 years but i'm only NOW noticing this cool little black sabbath easter egg on the album cover
#i'm having a very green day week#vaaya moodu#idk sometimes i think about who i'd be if i hadn't listened to green day that fateful day in 7th grade. they were so foundational to my#thoughts my individuality my personality my critical thinking skills my rage everything#idk. they helped me understand myself. i'm so fond of them#black sabbath#green day
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I JUST REMEMBERED THERES GONNA BE NO MORE HOT-SEAT FRIDAYS ONCE SCHOOL STARTS🥰🫶
#i hated that day in english 1 it was so AAAAAAAA#luckily my teacher liked me so if i didn’t wanna do it he’d let me sit out💪#he was probably the most understanding teacher I ever had lol#along with my 6-7th grade math teacher - that guy was AWESOME bro#dude was the only teacher who actually helped me understand math lmao but then he quit;_;
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Oscar Wilde said, "In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." And I somehow learn this better with each passing year
#it's like this cruel curse from 7th grade in miss zeglin's class when I said I didn't understand the quote#my seat was up against the wall closest to the door 3rd row from front I think#it haunts me#this is not about my baby but other things
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i may just be driven to tears by dwight frye renfield
#ok. its 7th grade and i read dracula for the first time. i love renfield#i look him up on tumblr and see dwight frye and am obsessed for reasons i cant really understand#now i understand it was the first time i saw someone who i wanted to look like i didnt know i was trans at the time#so he was the first! so i suppose hes important.#i speak
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going ultimate autism mode (stimming and listening to music)
#abc shut it#i am installing a swing in my future home#do not understand how my mom thinks i’m not autistic like#everyday from 7th-12th grade i would go on the swing set and listen to music for 30min-AN HOUR after school#i literally came up with my ocs alice and james doing this
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things i doodle while procrastinating my essays…
#she went to borders over the weekend w her dad to read ga (back when they were in print!!) and then got krispy kreme after#she played wedding dash on her phone and could only draw in the ppg style#she has seen every episode of south park#she’s super into anime (she has never heard of naruto somehow)#she had a BIZARRE obsession with marvin the martian#she was called “full of hate’ by one friend and was duct taped against her will at school by another#she wanted her parents to divorce so bad#i love her. she’s god’s favorite little princess. i feel so bad for her#one day i’m gonna make a 7th grade anya playlist for myself and then maybe i’ll understand her better#pspspsps#doodle#lameart#don’t indulge me. yell at me so i’ll post already#bc the last thing the world needs is for me to keep talking abt myself (i can’t help it. i’m a leo)
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