#7th grade i understand
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ill forever adore going through my old sketchbooks because its like going through memories i never knew i had
#dpdr my beloathed<3#memory gaps i hate you !!#like what the fuck do you MEAN i cant tell when somethings real and somethings not#its ironic how my longest lasting memories are when i was drunk#like you would THINK that would be the most forgotten thing#but nope!#maybe because msot of the times i was drunk deeply affected me as a person#and i wont stop reminding myself about it#but!#brain if youre gonna fuck up my memories please let me forget the oens i want to forget pls n thanks#ugh#vent post#vent#dolirants#i love projecting onto laurens though if you couldnt tell#riddling that bitch with anxiety and paranoia and dpdr and rvery problem ive ever faced#honestly i think my mind starting blocking out just..everything#like everything ever#8th grade wasnt even bad ?#likr maam could i like#idk#remember that pls?#7th grade i understand#but like ?#can i remember the rest?#ughh#me ranting in the tags again
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is this too niche.
aka i SWEAR i've seen a total drama life series art thing but when i went to go look for it i couldn't find any SOOOOOOO i made it myself
Bonus:
Alenoah as that one desert duo scene because i was stumped on who i should've drawn for that scene
#trafficblr#life series#grian#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#should i tag total drama too?#yeah sure whatever okay#total drama#noah td#alejandro td#alenoah#not really meant to be shippy but i can understand if it is taken that way#i will not be surprised if this kinda flops#7th grade total drama fixation came back and so obviously i melded it with my other favorite thing#eh they're both practically death games#if you do not fit into this niche but you found this i'm sorry but there is so much i need to explain if you don't get that second photo#and just so little time#my art
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Trump making all people legally women was not on my 2025 bingo card, but with how much of an idiot republican politicians seem to be, maybe it should've been.
#i fear they havent check what that law means with ANY biologist. surely we can do better the 7th grade science class knowledge#trump#us politics#for context if you dont understand:#all people at conception develop female reproductive bits. your sex is not the first bit of you created.#male parts come later.#so.#congrats to everybody on becoming a woman ig
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#book Johnny and dally#i found a paperback copy of the outsiders at work a few weeks ago and fully annotationed it#then my friend got really into the musical when the album came out#so here i am#not in 7th grade#but i still like it#the outsiders#johnny cade#dallas winston#dally winston#the outsiders fanart#art#my art#watercolor and ink on paper#fanart#i like how johnny turned out#might fuck around and put this in thd jally tag#this was my first tumblr fandom#jally#i reread their descriptions from the booksnd johnnys scar is way bigger than i thought#also dally gets like 3× the description of any other character#the more pony explains the less he understands
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me talking about what's happening when I first started to learn about it: well there's clearly a lot of layers to the conflict :((( I hope everyone makes it through okay
me talking about the genocide happening in palestine now: if you still say "BUT HAMAS-" I would like to personally invite you to swan dive into your nearest cement mixer
#mine#its one of those things where it only gets clearer the longer it goes on#free palestine#gaza strip#i first heard about it in 7th grade but i had no understanding of it bc my teacher didn't explain it well at all
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An. An, beloved, why are you struggling with 珍 of all things. An that is N2 level kanji. An please
#jay rambles.txt#Japanese language levels go in reverse to the European ones#eg A2 is more advanced A1 for Spanish for example but in Japanese it's N1 being more advanced than N2#therefore N2 is the second most advanced word. just around English C1 or high B2#but you are a native speaker An. An you were supposed to learn this word in 7th grade. why are you like this#(<- loves her to death)#I guess there's something freakier than my N5 level mind can understand going on because she literally repeats the same thing while trying#to understand the meaning the kanji she's reading. I think. it's actually written in hiragana but the explanation has the same word in 珍しい#in other words I have given up but she is still silly
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i read the hunger games books multiple times over as a kid, and i didnt like katniss' ending at first, bc my hyperlexic ass could read the words long before i could REALLY Comprehend the concepts, but as soon as i got a firm understanding of aromanticism and trauma and and etcetc... i like it a lot now
#^bro had the most subtleeeee learning delay !!!!#it kind of disturbs me because like. i just. didnt have a teacher that really helped me UNDERSTAND stuff like themes? i was shy#and i was REALLY good at guessing on questions like theme and mood based on what the teacher said#but i didnt. GET them i usually got half points or missed those questions or wasnt detailed enough#same thing with character motivation#unless i was intimately familiar with the story#and even then stuff like hs and su and mp100... it took multiple times over and also participation in fan discussion to Get what was happen#idk what happened or why it clicked#it was like. slowly thru junior year and into senior i had 2 great teachers in a row#the texts we read were interesting and were about things i could identify as giving a shit about from a fairly surface level#i dont know what made it click..#which is what makes me think its hyperlexia#it was really like an epiphany? or a set of epiphanies#but i could read a LOT of words really fucking fast#i was reading on my own when i was 4#which apparently isnt normal#and they said i read at a 7th grade level when i was in 3rd grade#and by the time i was in 7th grade i was reading at a college level#which! at my school was pretty much just based on knowing vocab!!!!#and damn did i know vocab. i just couldnt.. see.. the bigger picture....... Um. *gulps in missed autism diagnosis*#just connected that thats a manifestation of focusing on the details..#but yeah its weird#i was always pretty sure i didnt have any major developmental delays#just trouble communicating and socializing etcetc sensory issues whatever#im p sure i hit all my milestones on time or early as a bebe#except that... also i was (am...) a wanderer. i got the cops called on me by my family cause i wandered to a neighbors house (there were#kids a little older than me there and i had an older neighbor friend from another house so i thought it was chill. plus they had video game#and i lived w old people so i didnt get any games until i was 7 (dsi))#im pretty sure they wouldnt have called the cops if it was a white family -_- they would refer to them as Them Patels -_-#but regardless i was pulling the irish goodbye before i shouldve LOL
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SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR. KEVIN PHILLIPS
#super dark times#zach taylor#allison bannister#sam edits#if you listen closely you can hear the sound of both mine and Allison's hearts breaking! <3#ok but fr: i know this is gifs. so no sound. but the WAY he DELIVERS the 'you've got a bump on your head' line makes me NUTS#it's so soft. it's so fond. it's... it's a punch in the fucking gut. he likes her *so much* but he *can't let himself have this nice#thing with her* because he's *being eaten alive by guilt he can't accept & won't let himself be happy because of it* and SHE DOESN'T KNOW!#like the thing. the thing is. when you watch SDT you're along the ride with Zach and his POV of everything. despite the obvious paranoia#& guilt warping his perspective/influencing his behavior—we can see where that's all coming from. we understand the motivations#behind the actions he takes. but ALLISON? Allison has no fucking clue what's going on! from Allison's perspective... Zach is this guy she's#known for a while (like they make a point of *telling us* in one of the earliest scenes that Zach feels weird talking about her in the#detached way they may talk abt other people in their grade they barely know—because it's *different* since he and Josh *actually know her*#plus in the script [and it STILL COUNTS TO ME because she *starts* saying the line but just gets cut off by Dennis] Allison brings#up Zach & Josh having had a silly handshake since 7th grade ['oh god that used to make me pee!' <- girl why would u say that to him]#so it's like... these are kids who've known each other for years!) and he's got this obvious fucking crush on her (the hallway scene where#he is. blatantly staring and she catches him for a second) and the moment she decides to actually start pursuing him because SHE'S#got a crush on HIM too... he starts pulling away and acting erratic and sending her the most mixed signals in the fucking world.#and sheee THINKSSS ITS HERRR FAULT!!!!!!!! like. listen. this scene i giffed above? this is what she's fucking talking about later#when she jokes about not wanting to 'scare him off again'. like sure she says it like a joke but... uhm. i simply think there's#a certain amount of truth to it too—because he DID leave the party visibly freaked out! and i think it'd be perfectly believable for her#to think that it was at least partially HER pushing too hard that was causing him to withdraw/pull away from her. plus she blatantly says#she thinks she's the reason Josh & Zach are fighting. like. this poor girl is on the outskirts of a tragedy she'll probably NEVER know the#details of but she's seeing firsthand the impact it's having on Zach and... blaming herself... that's so fucking heartbreaking
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My Journey from the Closet to Acceptance
Growing up, I always felt different. As a closeted gay girl, I carried the weight of my identity in silence, knowing from a young age that my family might not accept or understand me. The fear of rejection loomed over my childhood, casting a long shadow on my heart. I learned to hide who I was, masking my true self with layers of conformity, all the while longing for the freedom to love openly.
Then came the day that changed everything. It started as a moment of innocent affection, a fleeting kiss with my girlfriend on the school bus during 8th grade. We were young and carefree, lost in our little world, unaware of the storm brewing around us. But someone, a boy in the 8th grade, took it upon himself to capture that moment without our permission. He secretly recorded us, and before I knew it, a video of that innocent kiss began circulating around school.
When my principal caught wind of it, the consequences were swift and harsh. He called my father in, and I felt a knot of dread tighten in my stomach as I walked into his office. There, in front of my father, my principal pulled out his cell phone and showed him the very clear video of me and my girlfriend locking lips. The shock on my father's face was palpable, and I braced myself for the inevitable explosion.
When I got home, I feared the worst. I half-expected my father to unleash his anger, possibly even resorting to violence. But instead, a heavy silence enveloped the house. His disappointment was more cutting than any words could have been. For weeks, he wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t speak to me, and I felt the chasm between us grow wider. It was as if I had become a ghost in my own home—his little girl, now a source of shame.
In those dark moments, I often thought about the "conversion camps" I had heard whispers about. If only I had said I was confused, maybe I could have avoided being thrust into that scrutiny. But deep down, I knew I was not confused; I was simply me, trapped in a situation that felt unforgiving.
Fast forward to when I turned 25. The distance between my family and me had always felt insurmountable, but then came a conversation with my mother that opened my eyes. She casually mentioned, “I’m glad that was just a phase!” I couldn’t help but giggle at how out of touch she was. “What phase, Mom?” I asked, feigning ignorance.
“You know… the phase of kissing girls.”
With a smile, I replied, “Mom, I’m an adult now. I make my own choices. I’ve always liked girls, and I’m not going to hide in the closet anymore. You don’t have to like who I am, but if you love me, you’ll keep your hateful opinions to yourself and accept me for me.”
To my surprise, as time passed, my mom began to change. She started sending me pride-related gifts, small tokens of acceptance that felt monumental. It was a journey fraught with challenges, but knowing that I had finally begun to carve out a space for my true self was liberating.
Reflecting on my journey, I realize how far I’ve come from those fearful days in the closet. Embracing my identity has been a powerful act of self-love, and while my path has been littered with obstacles, I’ve emerged stronger and more authentic. In the end, love won out over fear, and that’s a victory worth celebrating.
#understanding#real life stories#coming out story#coming out#closet#closeted#self accepectance#acceptence#middle school#8th grade#7th grade#talking about myself#my portrait#my progress#true story#true and honest#self love#happy pride 🌈#lgbt pride#bisexual#i like women#i love women#principal#mean boys#without permission#tell all your friends#i am cringe but i am free#to be cringe is to be free#girls who like girls#girls who love girls
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my amrev mooties watching me mass reblog the outsiders stuff and probably being extremely confused or something
#im hoping you guys read the outsiders in school#ive actually read the outsiders twice in school ?#urgg my outsiders phase in like 7th grade comin back around#two very conflicting fandoms might i add#but also im not very invested in the fandom#i just think dallas is cool#shameless dally apologist#i KNOW he was a shitty person throughout the book and whatnot#and he was probably a horrible influence#but he hit. kinda close to home#that mutually obsessive relationship w/ johnny ohmmygod#its just :(#ME TOO!!#trying to kys over your fp is extremely real and unfortunately i completely get it#and his IMPULSIVENESS#AND HIS PUSHING AWAY OF EVERY EMOTION AND BASICALLY BEING A TICKING TIME BOMB AUGH#i will SHAMELESSLY say that dally is my favorite#i like johnny and pony and two bit and soda and whatnot#but dally just hits WAY too hard#imcrying over his entire dynamic with johnny actually#because i GET IT#i udnerstand it way too hard:(#mutual obsession and then fucking destroying each other in the process is VERY REAL#AND I HATE IT#BECAUSE I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND IT!!!#ive said id kms if my fp died way too many times and i 100% meant it#COUGH because girly tried COUGH#okay im just lore dumping in yhe tags#moral og the story is doli is insane and relates way too hard to dally to be normal#dolirants
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I love how kind u are and i too have such a hard time letting go! Like im still hurt over something that happened in elementary school and while it wasn’t too bad to others it was hurtful to me
being hurt over something from elementary school is so real, sometimes I get mad at myself over something I said or did in middle school, like girl you did not need to be rude that day in 6th grade to the boy who was dating your best friend/girl you had a crush on
#the turtle gets asks#it's worse cause he came out as gay when we were in 7th grade#and like we became friends when I was in 7th grade too#so i am probably the only person who still thinks about the day I was rude to him because he started dating my friend the day before#and they broke up like two weeks later - it's stupid for me to obsess over it#and yet on a bad day I'll look at that and be like ''see you are actually a terrible person''#and it's like no i was just 12 and didn't understand what i was feeling so I was rude to him on one day
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dookie has been one of my favorite records for nearly 13 years but i'm only NOW noticing this cool little black sabbath easter egg on the album cover
#i'm having a very green day week#vaaya moodu#idk sometimes i think about who i'd be if i hadn't listened to green day that fateful day in 7th grade. they were so foundational to my#thoughts my individuality my personality my critical thinking skills my rage everything#idk. they helped me understand myself. i'm so fond of them#black sabbath#green day
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my take on tme and tma as labels are that saying im tme doesnt tell people my genitals any more than saying. im trans. right
#like LOL ik its different depending on how you present yourself but if you say youre trans and a gender people are gonna guess your#genital situation. and considering how like.. numbers work. if youre perisex and you don’t have bottom surgery. theyre probably right not#to be mean or make people think about it. and not to discredit the people who want people not to know thats fine too imo. but dont be#shocked when you join a conversation about people with certain experiences and they go ‘do u have any idea what youre talking about’ like#idk. and bc this goes hand in hand idk how anyone can look at the murder statistics and go ‘they hate us all’ like sure they hate us but#they want trans women dead#idk! idk guys maybe im talking about my ass. ‘what about intersex people’ idk idk i havent seen much from them. probably my fault#im of the understanding that intersex people are different people and you cant make blanket statements but like whatever#and for the record im also of the understanding that intersex people are going to have different relationships with gender than perisex#people bc like. obviously! and an intersex afab trans woman is a little different than me in 7th grade wanting to identify as a trans women#bc i knew i wasnt a woman and didnt have the words for it like idk guys maybe the motivations are different#not that its really an issue. people dont usually qualify their gender with their assigned gender so i dont think it matters unless youre#asking for fuckin. validation ive never heard of it playing out outside of online spaces#simons spouting
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I JUST REMEMBERED THERES GONNA BE NO MORE HOT-SEAT FRIDAYS ONCE SCHOOL STARTS🥰🫶
#i hated that day in english 1 it was so AAAAAAAA#luckily my teacher liked me so if i didn’t wanna do it he’d let me sit out💪#he was probably the most understanding teacher I ever had lol#along with my 6-7th grade math teacher - that guy was AWESOME bro#dude was the only teacher who actually helped me understand math lmao but then he quit;_;
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Oscar Wilde said, "In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." And I somehow learn this better with each passing year
#it's like this cruel curse from 7th grade in miss zeglin's class when I said I didn't understand the quote#my seat was up against the wall closest to the door 3rd row from front I think#it haunts me#this is not about my baby but other things
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i may just be driven to tears by dwight frye renfield
#ok. its 7th grade and i read dracula for the first time. i love renfield#i look him up on tumblr and see dwight frye and am obsessed for reasons i cant really understand#now i understand it was the first time i saw someone who i wanted to look like i didnt know i was trans at the time#so he was the first! so i suppose hes important.#i speak
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