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lila-lou · 8 months ago

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✨ His only exception - Pt. 12/? ✨

Summary: 12 months ago, Butcher went above and beyond to have you join his team. You had a simple office job at Supe Affairs. The same thing every day, working from 9 to 5 and watching Butcher and his team defeat one renegade after another. One evening, however, something changed.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, Smut and more Smut, Language

Word Count: 6263

A/N: This is part 12 of “His only exeption”.

English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

The next morning, as the soft light filtered through the curtains, you and Ben were startled awake by a series of loud knocks on the door. Annie’s voice, muffled but unmistakably annoyed, filtered through the wood.

“Ben! Open up, damn it!”, she called out, her tone aggressive and urgent.

Ben groaned, rubbing his eyes as he sat up in bed, a scowl crossing his features.

“What the fuck does this woman want now?”, he muttered, irritation evident in his voice.

You exchanged a tired glance with him, both of you equally puzzled by Annie’s unexpected intrusion. With a resigned sigh, Ben swung his legs over the edge of the bed, pulled on his sweatpants and made his way to the door, grumbling under his breath. As he opened the door, Annie’s furious expression greeted him, her arms crossed over her chest as she glared at him.

“Where the hell is (y/n)? She isn’t in her room!“, she demanded.

You quickly scrambled out of bed, throwing on some clothes as you rushed to join Ben and Annie at the door. Ben opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it, offering a hurried explanation.

“Oh, hey Annie”, you said, trying to sound casual despite the nervous flutter in your stomach. “I just needed to grab my charger from Ben’s room. He borrowed it”.

Ben raised an eyebrow at you, a silent question in his gaze, but you avoided his eyes, focusing on Annie instead.

Annie's suspicion lingered in the air as she glanced between you and Ben, her expression unreadable. “Your charger, huh?”, she said skeptically, her tone tinged with disbelief. “At this hour?”.

You nodded quickly, trying to maintain your composure despite the rising tension in the room. “Yeah, I just realized I forgot it”, you lied, hoping that Annie would buy your excuse.

"Are you sure everything's okay?", she asked, her voice tinged with concern. "I just… I worry about you, (y/n). Especially when you're with him". You offered her a reassuring smile, doing your best to appear unfazed by her probing questions. "Everything's fine, Annie", you insisted, your tone as convincing as you could muster. Ben remained silent, his gaze fixed on you with a hint of disappointment lurking in his eyes.

Annie nodded, seemingly satisfied with your response. "Okay, well, breakfast is ready whenever you two decide to join us", she said before turning to leave, her footsteps echoing down the hallway. Once the door clicked shut behind her, Ben turned to you, a raised eyebrow signaling his expectation for an explanation. His expression was a mixture of curiosity and a bit hurt, as if he already knew the truth but wanted to hear it from you. You met his gaze, feeling a flush of embarrassment creeping up your neck.

"I… I just didn't want her to… you know, get the wrong idea", you stammered, struggling to find the right words to explain. Ben's stepped closer, his hand reaching out to gently brush a stray strand of hair from your face. "Wrong idea about what?", he teased. "That we fucked? Again?".

Ben attempted to mask it with a casual shrug, but you could sense the tinge of hurt beneath his facade. "I get it", he said casually. "Just didn't expect you to be so eager to avoid being fucking caught with me".

You felt a pang of guilt at his words, realizing that you had wounded his pride. "I'm sorry", you murmured, reaching out to place a hand on his arm. "I just didn't want things to get complicated with the team".

Ben forced a smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's fine", he replied, his tone clipped. "Let's just go grab some breakfast, yeah?".

The two of you joined the rest of the team in the kitchen, trying to act like nothing had happened. As everyone chatted about their time off, you and Ben remained silent, exchanging only brief glances that spoke volumes.

After Kimiko and Frenchie finished sharing their stories about their time in Paris, Hughie and Annie took their turn, recounting their adventures in Austria.

As the conversation flowed, Butcher's gaze eventually drifted toward you and Ben, his gruff voice breaking the jovial atmosphere. "So, how was your vacation?", he asked, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studied the two of you. "I'm guessing it was good, seeing as you two are talking to each other again."

You exchanged a hesitant glance with Ben before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, it was… fine", you replied, trying to keep your tone neutral despite the lingering tension between you. "Nothing too eventful".

Ben offered a nonchalant shrug, his expression carefully composed.

Butcher nodded, though there was a hint of skepticism in his gaze. "Well, fucing glad to hear it", he grunted before turning his attention back to his breakfast.

As the conversation carried on, you couldn't shake the feeling of Annie's suspicious gaze lingering on you. Finally, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she spoke up.

"You know, (y/n), you look different", Annie remarked, her tone casual but her eyes sharp with scrutiny. "You sure nothing interesting happened?".

You felt a flush rise to your cheeks as you exchanged a glance with Ben, who grinned mischievously but said nothing, focusing instead on his pancakes. Frenchie's curious gaze joined Annie's, followed by Butcher's, and soon all eyes were on you, awaiting your response.

You swallowed nervously, trying to keep your composure. "Uh, no, not really", you replied, your voice unconvincing even to your own ears. "Just… got some sun, I guess".

Butcher raised an eyebrow, his expression skeptical, but he didn't press the issue further.

As Ben's hand squeezed your thigh under the table, a jolt of surprise shot through you, momentarily distracting you from the conversation. His touch was firm, almost possessive, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking as he engaged in a discussion with Butcher about Homelander's whereabouts.

Despite the tension simmering between you, Ben's demeanor remained unchanged as he delved into the conversation with Butcher, his voice steady and unwavering.

You forced yourself to focus on the discussion at hand, trying to push aside the lingering discomfort that gnawed at the back of your mind.

With the rest of the team heading off to Supe Affairs for a meeting, you and Ben found yourselves with some rare downtime at the apartment. As the others filed out, you exchanged a glance with Ben, a sense of relief washing over you at the prospect of a quiet morning.

As you slipped away to the bathroom, the sound of running water filled the apartment, signaling your intent to unwind in the shower. Ben, lounging in his room, couldn't help but notice the familiar sound. He rose from his bed, padding quietly to the bathroom door.

Without hesitation, he turned the handle and pushed the door open, his eyes meeting yours as you stood in the midst of undressing. A faint blush crept onto your cheeks at the unexpected intrusion, but you couldn't help but be amused by Ben's boldness. "Can I help you?", you teased, a playful glint in your eye as you met his gaze.

Ben grinned mischievously, leaning casually against the door frame. "Just making sure you don't fucking drown in there", he replied, his tone light and teasing. "Wouldn't want to have to fish you out".

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at his antics. "I think I can handle a shower on my own, thank you", you retorted, though the warmth in your voice betrayed your amusement.

"Oh, I have no doubt about your little showering capabilities", he remarked with a smirk. "But company never hurt anyone, right?".

Again you rolled your eyes, unable to suppress a small smile at his persistence. "I suppose not", you replied. Despite his teasing, there was an underlying warmth in his gaze that made you feel unexpectedly at ease.

As Ben stepped closer to you, his hands wandering down to your sweatpants, you couldn’t help but feel a rush of anticipation mingled with excitement. His proximity sent a thrill coursing through you, and you found yourself drawn to him.

“Would you be ashamed if anyone found out about us fucking?”, Ben asked, his voice low and husky as he pulled you closer. You paused for a moment, considering his question before responding. “Well, you’re the one who told me not to tell anyone in the first place”, you pointed out, a hint of amusement in your voice. “So I guess that’s on you”.

Ben chuckled softly, his breath warm against your ear as he leaned in close. “Fair enough”, he murmured, his tone tinged with amusement. “But that just counts for taking your virginity. I’m not about to be seen as a fucking pussy, but your sweet little pussy being mine in general? Well, that’s a fucking different story”.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure the team wouldn't stop teasing us if they found out", you quipped, trying to hide the nervous flutter in your stomach.

Ben chuckled softly, his gaze lingering on you with a mixture of amusement and something else you couldn't quite decipher. "Let them tease", he replied nonchalantly. "As long as they don't get in the way of us having some fun".

You raised an eyebrow at his boldness.

As you discarded your sweatpants, leaving you just in your bra and panties, Ben’s gaze lingered on you appreciatively, a playful smirk dancing on his lips. “They don’t need to know about us having some fun”, you remarked, trying to sound casual despite the flutter of uncertainty in your chest. “I mean, it’s not like we’re together or anything”.

As you hoped for Ben to reveal something deeper than just the physical aspect of your relationship, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment when he didn't. However, you pushed the feeling aside, trying to focus on the present moment.

"Right", Ben mumbled in agreement before pulling you close again, turning you roughly so your back was against his chest. His arms wrapped around you, holding you tight as if he never wanted to let go.

You leaned back into his embrace, the warmth of his body comforting against your skin. Despite the uncertainty swirling within you, there was a sense of security in his arms.

As Ben's hand traced over your naked stomach, slipping down inside your panties, you couldn't suppress the shiver that ran down your spine at his touch. His lips began to pepper kisses along your shoulders, sending a tingling sensation coursing through your body.

You tilted your head to the side, offering him better access as his kisses trailed down your neck. With each kiss, each gentle stroke of his hand, you felt yourself surrendering to the heat of the moment.

Ben's hand slipped inside your panties, his touch sent waves of pleasure coursing through you. His fingers traced tantalizing patterns against your skin, exploring every curve and crevice with a gentle but firm touch. With his other hand holding your hips in place, he kept you close, ensuring you couldn't escape the sensation.

His fingers rubbing over your sensitive skin, teasing and coaxing you to the brink of ecstasy. Every stroke, every caress, sent sparks of pleasure shooting through your body, building the intensity of the moment with each passing second.

You arched your back, pressing yourself against him, desperate for more of his touch. The rhythm of his movements matched the pounding of your heart.

A smirk played on his lips as he relished in the control he held over you. "You like that, huh?", he murmured. "You're such a fucking needy little thing".

You bit your lip to stifle a moan, unable to form a coherent response as the sensations consumed you.

Ben pressed his erection against your ass, his intentions clear, you could feel the heat radiating between you. His breath tickled your ear as he leaned in, his lips trailing along your neck before biting down slightly.

With a low grunt, he whispered huskily in your ear, "You're mine now, sweetheart". The possessiveness in his tone sent shivers down your spine.

Your breath hitched as Ben's hands moved swiftly, ripping off your panties with urgency. The suddenness of his action sent a jolt of electricity coursing through you, your body responding instinctively to his touch.

"You've got such a perfect little ass", Ben murmured, his voice husky with desire as his hands roamed over your back and down to your ass, squeezing both cheek firmly.

You gasped at his touch as you leaned into his grasp.

“You still sore?”, Ben asked as he pressed his body against yours. You bit your lip, feeling a twinge of soreness lingering from the previous night’s activities. “A little”, you admitted, your voice tinged with nervousness. Ben smirked. “Well, I can’t promise to be gentle this time”, he replied.

Determined to prove yourself, you squared your shoulders and met Ben's gaze. "I can handle it", you declared, your voice firm despite the lingering apprehension. Ben's smirk widened as he sensed your resolve.

"That's what I fucking want to hear", he mumbled.

Ben pulled down his sweatpants and boxers just enough to free his throbbing length. As he pushed inside you, his movements weren't overly forceful, but for someone inexperienced like you, it was enough to make you whimper in pain.

You gripped the edge of the sink tightly, trying to steady yourself as he filled you, his pace slow and deliberate. Each inch of him stretched you in ways you hadn't anticipated, a mixture of pleasure and discomfort coursing through you.

"Easy, sweetheart", Ben murmured, his voice laced with a hint of concern as he noticed your discomfort. "Just relax and breathe".

As Ben moved inside you, his muttering filled the air. "You're still so fucking tight", he murmured, his voice a mixture of admiration and frustration. The strain on his face was evident, his cock pained by the tightness, a testament to your inexperience.

His grip on your hips tightened, leaving bruises in their wake, adding to the already tender marks from the night before. Yet, despite the discomfort, there was a sense of exhilaration in the intensity of the moment, in the raw connection you shared with Ben.

Ben paused, giving you a moment to adjust to his size. You tried to stand up a bit straighter, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure, but Ben pushed your back down again, his hands firm on your hips.

"Stay down", he murmured, his voice low and soothing. "I've got you".

You nodded, trying to obey his command as you focused on controlling your breathing.

You struggled to catch your breath through the pain, your body still adjusting to his size. Despite the discomfort, you tried to focus on the sensation of him inside you, clinging to the anticipation of pleasure amidst the ache.

As Ben started to move his hips slowly, a mixture of pleasure and pain washed over you, sending waves of sensation coursing through your body. You couldn't help but moan and whimper uncontrollably.

His gaze fixed on the sight of his cock disappearing into your tight pussy, a faint smirk playing on his lips as he savored the sight. With each movement, he drove deeper into you.

“You gonna take it like a good girl?”, Ben grunted. “Or do I need to fucking show you how to handle me?”.

As Ben pushed even deeper, you let out a sharp gasp, your breath hitching in your throat. Sensing your hesitation, he leaned in closer, his voice low and commanding.

"I asked you a question", he growled, his grip tightening on your hips. "Don't make me ask again".

You shivered at the intensity of his tone, a mixture of fear and excitement coursing through you.

"I'll take it", you whispered, your voice barely above a hoarse murmur.

Ben's lips curled into a smile, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. "That's right", he murmured. "

You swallowed hard, the realization sinking in that you were completely at his mercy.

As Ben picked up the pace, his thrusts growing more intense and relentless, you couldn't help but whimper with each movement. The mixture of pleasure and pain sent waves of sensation coursing through you, overwhelming your senses.

"Please", you whimpered, your voice barely above a desperate murmur. "Slow down".

Ben pulled you up by the back of your neck, his roughness causing you to whimper again.

"I thought you could take it like a good girl", he growled, his voice tinged with annoyance as he held you firmly in place. "Don't fucking disappoint me now".

You nodded frantically, your lips trembling as you tried to hold back a whimper.

With that, he pushed you back against the sink, his movements more determined and forceful than before.

Your legs began to tremble as the intensity of Ben's thrusts increased, sending waves of pleasure and pain coursing through your body. With each deep penetration, your lower belly started to ache, the relentless pounding leaving you breathless and overwhelmed. "You're taking me so well", Ben praised.

Despite the discomfort, you clung to the edge of the sink for support, surrendering yourself to the sensations that consumed you. Ben's words of praise echoed in your ears, driving you to push through the pain as you struggled to keep up with his relentless pace.

As the pleasure mounted and your body trembled with anticipation, you couldn't help but wonder how much more you could endure.

As Ben’s thrusts grew more fervent, your determination surged, fueled by a desire to prove yourself to him. Each movement was a testament to your resolve, your body eagerly responding to his every touch and command.

Yet, despite your efforts, there was an underlying tension, a sense of urgency that lingered in the air. Your breaths came in ragged gasps, your heart racing as you chased after the elusive peak of pleasure.

In the mirror, Ben’s gaze bore into yours, a silent acknowledgment passing between you. He could sense your struggle, the need for release that still eluded you.

With a subtle shift in his movements, he adjusted his pace, slowing down just enough to give you room to catch up.

As Ben slowed his pace, you could feel the tension in the room ease slightly, his actions a silent admission of his concern for your pleasure. It was a gesture you hadn’t expected from him, and it left you feeling strangely touched.

“Having trouble getting there, sweetheart?”, he teased. “Looks like we’ve got some work to do on that problem of yours”.

Without saying a word, you just looked at him pleadingly through the mirror.

Ben sighed softly. "Alright, let me get you there first", he murmured.

With practiced ease, he shifted your body slightly, his movements purposeful as he positioned you to hit your sweet spot. You felt a surge of anticipation coursing through you as he guided you.

As he pushed into you nice and slow, you couldn't help but shiver at the sensation of him filling you completely. A low moan escaped your lips, the pleasure building with each inch of his cock buried deep inside you.

"There we go", he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper as he savored the moment.

Ben couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction as he lazily and easily brought you to the brink of ecstasy within seconds.

Your body quivered with pleasure as you surrendered to the intense sensation, your breaths coming in ragged gasps as the wave of climax washed over you.

"See? Wasn’t that hard", he remarked, a hint of pride in his voice. "Told you I could get you there".

With a satisfied smirk, Ben leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your ear. "You're fucking welcome", he murmured, as you continued to cling to the sink, breathless and still reeling from the intensity of your orgasm.

"Now that you've had your fun", he murmured, his voice tinged with amusement, "can I finally have mine?".

You hesitated for a moment, still feeling the lingering aftershocks of pleasure coursing through your body. But the desire in his voice was unmistakable, and you found yourself nodding, giving him the permission he sought.

With a satisfied smirk, Ben began to move again, his movements slow and deliberate as he resumed his rhythm, each thrust sending a jolt of pleasure coursing through you.

As Ben's thrusts became faster and harder, the intensity of his movements threatened to overwhelm you.

Each powerful thrust sent shockwaves of pleasure coursing through your body, but beneath the surface, there was a hint of discomfort as well. You could feel the force of his thrusts bruising your insides, pushing you to the brink with each powerful motion.

Yet, despite the physical strain, there was a strange sense of exhilaration in the air. Unbeknownst to you, however, this level of intensity was far from the roughness Ben usually exerted with other girls.

His restraint, though not immediately apparent, spoke volumes about the depth of his connection with you.

As Ben reached the peak of his pleasure, his thrusts grew even more fervent, driving deeper and harder into you with each motion. With a guttural groan, he finally released inside you, his hot seed filling you to the brim.

You could feel every pulse of his release, the warmth spreading through you as he emptied himself inside you.

As his orgasm subsided, Ben collapsed against you, his body trembling with the aftershocks of pleasure. He buried his face in your neck, his breath hot against your skin as he rode out the last waves of ecstasy. "Fuck", he muttered, his voice rough with emotion. "That was… intense".

You could only nod in agreement, your own breath coming in ragged gasps as you tried to process the intensity of the moment.

As the last tremors of his orgasm subsided, Ben softened inside you, his body relaxing against yours. You could feel the gentle throb of his cock as it pulsed weakly within you, the remnants of his passion mingling with your own.

His weight pressed you against the sink, the cool surface providing a stark contrast to the warmth of your entwined bodies. Despite the lingering ache between your legs, there was a sense of fulfillment that washed over you, a deep satisfaction in knowing that you had pleased him.

Ben's breath was hot against your neck as he nuzzled closer, his arms wrapping around you in a protective embrace. For a moment, you simply savored the intimacy of the moment, the feeling of being held in his arms.

Eventually, Ben pulled away, his soft smile betraying the tenderness he felt in that moment. With a surprising gentleness, he gave your ass a playful slap, his touch a stark contrast to the intensity of moments before.

"Good job, sweetheart", he murmured, his voice husky. "You're making progress".

You couldn't help but grin at his praise, a sense of pride swelling within you at the acknowledgment of your efforts.

"Come on, take your little shower", Ben grinned.

As he made his way out of the bathroom, you took a moment to catch your breath, your legs feeling like pudding beneath you. The intensity of your encounter with Ben had left you feeling a little dizzy, your heart racing in your chest.

As the warm water cascaded over your skin, you couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted between you and Ben. The way he had looked at you, the tenderness in his touch—it had stirred something inside you.

As you emerged from the bathroom, you found Ben sitting in the living room, a mischievous smirk playing on his lips as he sniffed a few lines. His eyes trailed over you appreciatively as you made your way to the kitchen, clad in shorts and a top that clung to your curves in all the right places.

"Well, well, look who's all fresh and clean", he remarked, his voice tinged with amusement. "Feeling better after our little workout?".

You couldn't help but roll your eyes at his teasing tone.

As you filled a glass with water, you couldn't shake the feeling of Ben's eyes on you, his gaze burning into your skin with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. With a playful smile, you took your time, relishing in the opportunity to tease him in return.

Once you had your fill, you sauntered over to where Ben was leaning against the couch, his arms spread out on the backrest as he watched you approach. His eyes traced every curve of your body, a smirk playing on his lips as he took in the sight of you.

"You know, for someone who claims not to be that interested, you seem pretty focused on me", you teased, your voice laced with amusement as you stood before him, your gaze meeting his with a challenge.

Ben chuckled softly, his eyes twinkling as he leaned in closer, his breath warm against your skin. "Can you blame me?", he murmured, his tone low and suggestive. "You're quite the sight, sweetheart".

You felt a flush spread across your cheeks, a thrill of excitement coursed through you at the knowledge that you had his undivided attention.

As Ben leaned back against the couch, his eyes never leaving you, a smirk played on his lips. He licked his lips slowly, savoring the sight of you standing before him. “You know, you look even better up close”, he teased.

You chuckled softly, feeling a rush of heat rise to your cheeks at his flirtatious remark. As you moved to sit down on the couch, ready to engage in some light conversation, Ben interrupted you with a subtle gesture.

"Uh-uh", he mumbled, nodding towards his lap, a suggestive glint in his eyes.

You settled onto his lap, Ben's arms wrapped around your waist, drawing you closer. Your back pressed against his warm chest.

He leaned in, his lips grazing your ear as he whispered, "You know, I could get used to having you here". You chuckled nervously, the tension in the air palpable. "Careful, you might start to spoil me", you teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Ben's grip tightened slightly, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Oh, don't worry", he replied. "I'm not in the business of spoiling girls like you".

You shifted slightly in his embrace, turning to look at him with a raised eyebrow. "Girls like me?", you questioned.

Ben smirked, his gaze lingering on you as he replied, "You know, the ones who think they can handle me".

You chuckled softly, shaking your head at his cockiness. "And can't they?", you countered.

Ben's smirk widened, his grip tightening on your waist. "Guess we'll just have to find out", he replied, his voice low.

Ben's hands trailed lazily over your stomach, his touch sending shivers down your spine as you leaned into his embrace. His gaze remained fixed on the news playing on the TV, but his words held a hint of sincerity.

"You know, so far you've handled me better than I expected", he admitted.

You couldn't help but smile at his admission, feeling a sense of pride swell within you. As his hands continued to wander, you found yourself sinking deeper into his touch.

You resisted the urge to tell him just how sore you actually were, not wanting to ruin the moment. Instead, you simply leaned into his touch, savoring the warmth and intimacy between you.

Ben's hands continued to trace lazy patterns over your lower belly, his lips brushing against your neck and shoulders in a gentle rhythm. Despite the distraction of the news playing on the TV, his attention remained focused on you.

As you felt his cock slowly stirring awake underneath your ass, a thrill of anticipation coursed through you. Despite the soreness lingering between your legs, you couldn't deny the growing desire building within you.

You shifted slightly, feeling his erection pressing against you more prominently, eliciting a soft grunt from Ben. His hands gripped you tighter, his growing arousal evident in his touch.

"You like that?", he murmured.

You couldn't help but smile at his question. "Maybe", you teased.

Ben chuckled softly, his breath warm against your skin.

His hands sliding down to grip your hips firmly, guiding you to move against him in a slow rhythm. His dick growing with each movement, his lips trailing kisses along your neck and collarbone.

"You're a natural at this", Ben murmured as he guided your movements against him. His hands tightened on your hips, urging you to continue the tantalizing rhythm.

You let out a soft moan, the sensation of his lips trailing kisses along your collarbone sending shivers down your spine. "Feels good", you whispered, your voice laced with desire.

"You have no idea", he groaned.

As you continued to grind against his clothed erection, Ben couldn’t help but feel a surge of arousal coursing through him. The sight of you, lost in pleasure, was beyond hot.

"You're so fucking sexy", he groaned, his hands sliding up to cup your breasts as you rocked against him. In the heat of the moment, you felt your climax building, growing stronger with each movement.

With a sudden burst of intensity, you came, your body convulsing with pleasure. But before you could catch your breath, Ben was already taking action, his movements swift and determined.

In a matter of seconds, he had discarded his sweatpants and boxers, pulling your panties aside as he positioned himself. With one powerful thrust, he pushed you down onto his hard cock, knocking the air out of your lungs as pleasure washed over you in waves.

Ben's hands gripping your hips firmly, as he let out a satisfied sigh. "Just sit on me, sweetheart", he murmured. "Keep my cock warm while I catch up on the news".

You complied, lowering yourself onto him more with a shiver of anticipation. With his cock buried deep inside you, he leaned back against the couch, his eyes fixed on the TV screen. "Good girl", he praised. "Now just stay put and let me enjoy the show".

You bit back a retort, choosing instead to focus on the warmth spreading through you from where you were connected with him.

Ben reclined against the couch, his hands gripping your hips firmly.

"Can't sit still, can you?", he chided, his tone laced with a hint of condescension as you kept moving. "Always fidgeting like a little girl".

You rolled your eyes at his comment, trying to find a comfortable position while ignoring his jab.

"I'm just trying to get comfortable", you retorted, your tone tinged with annoyance.

Ben's cock twitched inside you, a silent testament to the arousal simmering beneath his teasing facade. All the while, you were simply focused on getting comfortable, oblivious to the effect your movements were having on him.

As you continued to shift, Ben's patience wore thin. With a frustrated grunt, he grabbed your hips forcefully, pushing you down until his cock was completely buried inside you. A groan escaped his lips as he felt the fullness of your warmth enveloping him, while you whimpered at the sudden intrusion, feeling a pang of discomfort as he held you in place.

"Stay fucking still", he commanded, his grip on your hips unyielding as he forced you to remain in place. The pressure on your sore pussy only added to your discomfort, but you dared not protest.

As Ben held you in place, his attention shifted back to the news playing on the TV. He began commenting on the latest developments, his voice a steady stream of commentary. Meanwhile, your discomfort seemed to amplify with each passing moment, your pussy clenching involuntarily around him.

Despite the lack of movement, the sensation of your tightness pulsating around him sent waves of pleasure coursing through Ben's body. He gritted his teeth, trying to maintain his composure as he felt himself nearing the edge of climax.

"Fuck", he muttered under his breath, his grip on your hips tightening reflexively. "You're gonna make me come just sitting there like that".

As Ben grew increasingly frustrated, his arousal only intensified, a battle raging within him as he struggled to maintain control amidst the overwhelming sensation. His breaths came in ragged gasps, his body tense with pent-up desire.

“You’re driving me fucking crazy”, he growled, his voice strained with the effort to hold back. “I swear, if you keep squeezing like that, I’m gonna fuck you again, no matter how fucking sore you are”.

You could sense the turmoil in his voice, a mix of frustration and arousal that mirrored your own conflicted emotions. Despite the discomfort, there was an undeniable thrill in knowing the effect you had on him.

As the tension mounted, you couldn't help but continue clenching around him, the involuntary action a testament to your heightened arousal. Despite your efforts to control it, your body had a mind of its own.

"I can't… I can't control it", you whimpered, the strain evident in your voice as you struggled against the overwhelming sensation.

Ben's own restraint slipping with each clench of your muscles.

As the sound of footsteps approached the hallway, Ben's senses sharpened. He leaned in close to your ear, his voice a low murmur as he mumbled about the others being in the hallway. "They're back", he whispered, his grip on you tightening as he held you in place.

Panicked, you tried to get off him, the fear of getting caught growing. But Ben's firm grip held you in place.

"Stay", he commanded, his voice urgent as he pressed you down onto him, refusing to let you go.

As you tried to wriggle free from Ben’s grasp, he watched you with an amused smirk, clearly enjoying your futile attempts. “Give it up, sweetheart”, he teased, his voice laced with amusement. “You’re not going anywhere”.

You shot him a glare, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. “Let me go, Ben”, you insisted, your voice tinged with desperation. “We can’t get caught like this”. But Ben only chuckled, tightening his hold on you even more. “Relax sweetheart”, he replied, his tone nonchalant.

As the sound of the door clicking echoed through the apartment, Ben finally released his grip on you. With a swift movement, he pulled up his sweatpants, his demeanor cool and composed as if nothing had happened.

You quickly straightened your clothes, your heart still racing from the close call.

As Butcher and the rest entered the living room, Annie’s gaze caught your flushed cheeks, her eyebrows raising in silent inquiry. “You two alright?”, she asked, her tone casual but her eyes betraying a hint of curiosity.

You forced a smile, trying to play off the tension in the air. “Yeah, Ben just won’t give me the remote”, you lied.

As you sat down again, Ben eyed you with a raised eyebrow, clearly amused by your quick thinking. You shot him a warning glance, silently urging him to play along.

Meanwhile, Butcher announced the details of the next mission. Ben's eyebrows furrowed slightly as he listened, his expression unreadable. It seemed he wasn't too thrilled about the prospect of heading to Europe for two weeks, following a lead to Homelander.

Butcher continued, assigning tasks to each member of the team. You and Frenchie were tasked with staying behind, keeping an eye on things in case there were any developments while the rest of the team dealt with Homelander in Europe.

As you thought about being apart from Ben for two weeks, a sense of unease settled in the pit of your stomach. Despite the ups and downs of your interactions, the two of you had started to click in a way that felt surprisingly genuine.The prospect of being separated now felt daunting, especially with the uncertainty of the mission looming over you.

Ben’s thoughts, however, were consumed by a different kind of anticipation. While he outwardly grumbled about the mission and the inconvenience of being away, inwardly his mind raced with thoughts of you. He couldn’t shake the image of your tight pussy, the way you had responded to him earlier still fresh in his mind.

In his own twisted way, Ben couldn’t bear the thought of you being alone while he was gone.

As Annie asked you to help her prepare dinner with Kimiko, you nodded in agreement, grateful for the distraction from your swirling thoughts. With a quick glance at Ben, who was already engrossed in a discussion with Butcher, MM, and Hughie about the mission details, you followed Annie and Kimiko into the kitchen. As you chopped vegetables, Annie turned to you.

———————————

A/N: Please let me know what you think.🥰

Part 13

Taglist: @deangirl96, @thatgirljayy, @suckitands33, @deans-spinster-witch @mimaria420 @kaz11283 @uncle-eggy @jackles010378 @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @mostlymarvelgirl

#jensen ackles #soldier boy #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x y/n #the boys #smut #the boys hughie #hughie campbell #billy butcher #the boys tv #possessive #manhandling #teasing

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typicalopposite · 4 months ago

Text

𝙴𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝙸 𝚃𝚛𝚢 𝚃𝚘 𝙵𝚕𝚢 (𝙸 𝙵𝚊𝚕𝚕)

BuckTommy Fic | M | Chapter 4/7 | 6263 words

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | ao3

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙵𝚘𝚞𝚛: 𝙸'𝚖 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢 (𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍)

PLEASE READ TAGS FOR TRIGGER WARNINGS

Buck has sat in the same seat— tucked away in the farthest corner of the ICU lobby— for so long he has lost track of time. He finally thinks to check his watch. It’s late. Really late… So late, it’s technically early. He hasn’t slept, or eaten, or scrolled through his phone. Just sat and stared off into space… torturing himself with the repeating visions and words that have been haunting him, honestly since Gerard first mentioned Jay.

The 118 has long since had to leave. Most of them have shifts tomorrow. Buck has a shift tomorrow, but Bobby told him he’d better not see him in that station, regardless. “You can leave here, but the only place you’d better go is back to your apartment,” he’d said.

Bobby likely knew, even if Buck wanted to leave—even if the 217 all rallied together to collectively force him to leave—he would never actually walk out of that hospital until he knew for certain Tommy was going to be okay; or at least until he woke up. The likelihood of either feels slimmer with each passing hour. Most of the 217 have also left, having to go get ready for their own shift, or to get sleep for one the next day. Buck is eventually left alone with Lucy, Morris and Sal; which one of the three depends on whoever is not in the room with Tommy.

Right now, it’s Sal, and the two have been very clearly trying to avoid each other's eye since he came out of Tommy's room and sat down on the opposite side of the lobby. Buck picks at some skin around his nails, careful to not pick too much lest he ends up doing more damage to his hands; he’d love to not have to deal with Mama Hen on that when she eventually ends up back at the hospital (likely to check on him, as much as Tommy). He makes himself stop and goes back to strumming his fingers on his knees, and looking at the TV so it appears he’s watching it.

There’s a deep sigh, coming from suspiciously close to where Sal is sitting. Then out of Buck’s peripherals he sees Sal stand up and start towards him. Great… Buck thinks, and has half a mind to get up and leave. Not because he thinks Sal is coming to put more blame on him; if anything Sal has taken up for him against people on the 217 who have tried to attack him. It’s just—and maybe this is a little selfish… a little childish—the last kiss Tommy had, might ever have, was with Sal. Buck still isn’t sure how he feels about that… He knows he has no right to feel anything about it. But he does. Regardless of hearing from everyone (and probably about to hear it from Sal as well) that he is straight and the kiss was his impulsive attempt to help fix Buck and Tommy’s problems.

“Heya Ev— er Buck… it’s Buck right?” Buck lifts his eyes to meet Sal’s… The man looks as exhausted as Buck feels. “You mind?” Sal asks, gesturing to the empty seat beside him. He’s not a hundred percent sure he doesn’t mind; but he shifts over and shakes his head anyway. Sal sits down and for a moment Buck thinks they’re just going to sit in silence. Perhaps he just didn’t want to sit alone. Buck can relate… but he deserves to be alone, Sal doesn't. “So— uh— what’cha watchin’?”

Buck looks back at the TV; it’s some game show. “Family feud… I think.”

“Ahh… that’s cool. Cool, cool, cool…” Sal nods, and shifts in the seat awkwardly. This is all so awkward. Buck wishes he would just spit out what he’s come to say, before they both get an ulcer from the anticipation. “Listen… I uh— I want to apologize…”

“Sal, you don’t—”

“No. I really do,” Sal says firmly. He turns to look at Buck and his eyes are puffy and red; Buck is kind of jealous he’s actually been able to cry about the whole situation… Meanwhile he feels ready to explode from withholding his emotions. He swallows around the lump in his throat and waits for Sal to continue. “I just— I wanted to help him out, ya know. He’s my best friend… and I don’t think I have ever seen him so happy, as he was with you… or— or as broken up as he was without. You— you meant the world to him… ” Sal stiffens his jaw. “S- sorry— it wasn’t my place, I know. I just wanted to help, and I only fucked it up worse.”

There’s a part of Buck that wants to take him up on the blame. He could just hand it over and let Sal shoulder it, at least for a while. He could lash out like so many have on him. He can’t stop the weak laugh before it bubbles up and comes out. “It’s not your fault, Sal.” Buck says. “Sure, maybe the kiss hurt to see… but I deserved the wake up call of thinking I’d lost him to someone else. Someone way better.”

That pulls a laugh out of Sal. He loosens up a little and runs a hand roughly over his face. “Thanks for the flattery, kid… but— uh, I’m not exactly an upgrade. Hell, I don’t even know why he’s kept me around . I mean… I was right there with the people who kept him trapped in the closet for so long.” He sighs and glances over guiltily at Buck. “Even when I started to have suspicions, I didn’t let up on how I acted. Hell, maybe I was even worse… because— because I made myself believe that since he was doing it too—making the jokes, using the names— the slurs—that even if he was, he must be cool with it. I knew deep down that was bullshit, but I just couldn’t bring myself to bring it up. I guess I was scared things would change— he would change. Doesn’t make it any better… didn’t make it any less a slap to the face when I realized he never was comfortable enough to tell me.”

“He never told you?”

Sal shook his head. “We hadn't spoken much after Bobby transferred me out of the 118, and I just happened upon him one night on a date…” he says. “Worst part… I knew it was a date. I saw how they looked at each other; definitely not how you look at just a friend… and I still made it seem like I thought they were just… out for a beer. Brought up the last girl he’d said he was dating back before Bobby had me transferred. I watched how awkward it made the poor guy he was there with… and a selfish part of me still hoped he’d go along with it.”

“Did— did he,” Buck asks. He feels like there’s a knife in his chest twisting a hole into his heart at the similarity to his first date with Tommy. He feels sick.

“No. He excused himself from the table and asked to speak to me alone. He told me he was on a date, and then he made it very clear that if I wasn’t okay with that, he’d understand… and that he wouldn’t preach to me about acceptance just to keep me around. If I couldn’t accept him, then it was nice knowing me.” Sal laughs. “And all I could think was, same old Tommy; doesn’t sugar coat anything.”

“But you did… accept him, you two got close again.”

“We did. It was a little different at first, but I had grown a lot since working under Gerard… and even more after Bobby put me in my place. It wasn’t long and it was just like old times— minus, you know… all the racist, sexist, bullshit stuff. It was better even.” Sal smiles, “He’s a great guy, a great friend… he didn’t mean for this to hurt you, Buck.”

“He didn’t hurt me… I hurt him!” Buck says, and Sal gives him a sympathetic look. “I— I was just so sure there were no secrets between us…” Buck continues. “I thought that even though he hadn’t told me much about his past… it was just because there wasn’t much to tell. Then Gerard— and I couldn’t stop thinking about it… and it turns out it wasn’t even anything he’d done wrong… I just kept telling myself it was… until I believed it. I’m so stupid—”

“You’re not stupid Buck,” Sal says; Buck scoffs. “Tommy understands why you were curious. He isn’t mad that you went looking for answers and he regrets not telling you when you first asked. There is just— There’s so much to that story�� So much more than just some old articles… It was a really hard time for him… and he had to go through most of it alone…” Sal looks towards Tommy’s room and sighs. “Now— god, now we’re here, and it’s like time is repeating itself. He wouldn’t want you to be going through this alone…”

Buck deflates. He deserves to be alone—he knows Sal won’t want to hear any of that, though. He just doesn’t respond, and Sal doesn’t say anything else; the lobby falls back into mostly silence, save for the beeping coming from patients' rooms.

Tommy’s door opens and Morris walks out. He looks over to where Sal and Buck are sitting, his brows pulling together in confusion (surely as to why Sal is sitting with the enemy). Sal sighs, gives Buck an apologetic look, and pushes to his feet, walking over to Morris. They talk for a while, low enough that Buck can’t hear them. Morris gives Buck one final glare, then leaves.

Sal watches after him until he’s inside the elevator, before he goes into Tommy’s room, and Buck is once again alone. It’s only a short while, though, before Sal comes back out and Lucy is with him. Her arms are crossed tight over her chest; she looks tired, and she seems to have just stopped crying. Sal stalls by Tommy’s door, but Lucy crosses the room towards Buck; again he braces himself, this time it is for an attack.

“Hey— um, do you think you can… sit with him,” she asks, nodding her head back towards the room.

Logically Buck knows who she means, he still replies, “With Sal?”, anyway.

“No…” Lucy says, rolling her eyes. “With— with Tommy. I don’t want him to be in there alone… in— in case he…” Her lip begins to tremble. And she quickly covers her mouth.

“In case he wakes up,” Sal says, speed walking over to wrap an arm around Lucy’s back. “Just in case he wakes up.” He says it more so like he’s trying to make her believe it; possibly make himself believe it. “We won’t be long, just taking her home to finally get changed out of this uniform.”

“Mrs. K should be here soon, anyway…” Lucy adds. Buck wonders if she still believes he doesn’t truly want to be there.

Buck looks towards Tommy’s room; he couldn’t even look through the door as he passed to get across the lobby to his seat… How is he going to sit in there? He could say no. Hell, maybe he should say no… He’s nothing but a bad omen, and they are just going to prop him up like a cursed object next to his latest victim? “O- okay…” he says anyway, breaking his eyes away from them, and pushing up from the chair he has been glued to for the past— he doesn’t even know how long.

Lucy actually smiles at him; nothing too friendly, more so of appreciation. Sal reaches out and squeezes his shoulder. Then they are gone.

And he is once again alone.

Except—

Except he’s walking towards Tommy’s room and, in a way, in there he won’t be alone, will he? He stops just shy of the door, looks around at the nurses sitting in their stations. (Gotta keep it together, Buckley… gotta suck it up and just do this. You owe him that much.) He grabs the door handle, and pushes it in, preemptively biting the insides of his jaws as he steps inside.

The lights are dimmed, probably to help the headaches he’s sure everyone who has been in the claustrophobia-inducing room, sitting in the little uncomfortable chairs have gotten throughout the day. There’s a concoction of scents floating around the air. They mix together putridly; they smell like death. Buck wonders if it’s because the reaper himself is lingering unseen in the room… just waiting for the perfect time.

He pointedly avoids the bed; he can’t look there, not yet.

The room’s small so he doesn’t have much else to look at. Loud machines that are keeping Tommy alive. A patient’s board with the nurses and doctors names that are keeping Tommy alive… A TV Tommy can’t use; a window Tommy can look out; a table Tommy can’t eat the terrible hospital food at. A chair next to Tommy’s bed… Buck chooses the one further away (and pulls it even further into the corner of the room) but when he turns around to sit down he does catch a glimpse of Tommy.

Maybe he meant to.

Maybe it was just another subconscious way he could hurt himself for hurting Tommy.

And boy, does what he sees hurt…

He thinks of all the horror he has seen since becoming a firefighter. He thinks of the people he’s lost. The lives that he wasn’t able to save. How he dwells on each of them for a little while, and then tucks them away, because that’s the job. Par for the course, just like he told Gerard. He knows he’s done all he could do. It wasn’t always that easy of course but he learned how to manage the guilt… he wouldn’t have lasted this long if he hadn’t.

But some losses are more… personal. Did Kinard tell you about his?

Buck thinks of his personal losses—or rather his personal near losses, because in reality he hasn’t lost anyone close to him… yet.

He nearly lost Maddie. That was terrifying. Then Eddie got shot… another close call that worked out in the end. Then just so recently with Bobby…

But this—this—is different. This is Tommy. Big, strong, brave Tommy. Sweet, kind, loving Tommy. Even if his face is so swollen and discolored it looks nothing like him. There's so many wires, and so much of him is wrapped up in bandages or cast. He tries to break his eyes away— he needs to break his eyes away. He can barely even see him from the tears welling up.

What have I done…

He thinks of the last thing he said to Tommy. I’ll see you around. So sarcastically played on the end to their disastrous first date…

He thinks of what Tommy said just before he left. How he apologized. As if he had even done anything wrong… When it was Buck who let Gerrard get in his head. Buck, who went digging into Tommy’s past after everyone told him not to. Buck, who took what he found and used it as a weapon against Tommy in an attempt to get some kind of validation for his fragile and damaged feelings.

And Tommy still apologized. He even offered—begged really—to tell him everything. He was willing to rip open a wound he had spent years closing for Buck to just leave him standing on the sidewalk anyway.

Tommy loved Buck like he was the center of his universe, like he could hardly go a moment without him… They were truly the greatest love story Buck could have ever thought up for himself… and look at what Buck did.

Lucy was right… he doesn’t deserve Tommy.

I’ll tell you everything… Baby, I can’t live like this— without you. -September 19

I would have actually cared about making it back in one piece… or making it back at all. -September 28

I wish I had been enough of a reason for you… -August 8, 2010

Man jumps from bridge into LA Harbor late Tuesday afternoon. -August 15, 2010

My forever <3

He blinks back the tears and walks towards the door— runs, actually. He needs air, and suddenly there is none left in the room. He steps outside and gasps, sucking in sharp breaths and shakily blowing them back out. The nurses look up from their station, and he attempts a smile. He doesn’t really care that it’s definitely not convincing.

He should leave. Why is he even here? There is a chance Tommy isn’t going to wake up—the thought digs into his chest, sharp and jagged, causing it to seize up and ache—and even if he does… Buck is not the person he needs to see.

He can’t leave though. The elevator is just to his left, and he walks over to the coffee bar instead. His hands are vibrating as he pours himself a cup and brings it to his mouth.

“Evan?” A soft voice says behind him; startling him enough he spills some of the hot liquid down his chin, hissing from the burn. Buck turns around and is met with a warm smile—much too warm, given who it’s aimed at—and kind, tired, red rimmed eyes. Tommy’s mom takes a step towards him, reaching out for his hands which she grips tightly, using them to pull him down into a strong hug. “Oh, how I wish this wasn’t how we finally met,” she says swaying him back and forth; all he can do is cling to her body and try to hold himself together. She hooks an arm around Bucks when she finally lets him go and looks towards Tommy’s room. “Have we heard anything new?”

Buck tries to find his voice; apparently he left it in the room with Tommy… Good thing—actually, it’s definitely not a good thing—she is leading him right back in there. She stops just before the door when he still hasn’t answered, looks up at him with so much concern it takes the breath, he’d finally got back, away.

“Oh, sweetpea,” she says, reaching up to cup his face. “Look at me… coming in here and bombarding you like this. You're probably exhausted and I’m asking you questions.” Buck stares down at her like she can’t possibly be real. He has passed out from lack of sleep, and dreamed up this little saint of a woman who just happens to look like Tommy’s mom. There’s just no way she’s being this way with him after—well, after everything!

“I- I- I’m— I’m fine,” he finally manages, reaching up to take her hand and squeeze it for reassurance. She gives him a look— Tommy’s look. That little head tilt, with questioning eyes. Buck laughs before he can stop himself. “I promise, I am.” He’s not. He’s really not, but he’ll be damned if this woman is going to come to see her son, who is fighting for his life, and in turn have to comfort his undeserving, fully responsible, asshole of an ex.

He wonders if she even knows they broke up…

Mrs. K—a name given to her back when Tommy was in school, that has stuck through everyone he introduces to her now—gives him another warm smile, then looks through the door at Tommy. She is quiet as she lets go of Buck and walks past him into the room. “Oh…” she says quietly, sitting down in the seat next to him. She takes his hand, and holds it as best as she can around the wires and tubes and bandages.

She sucks in a sharp breath and Buck can see her shoulders start to shake. He steps into the room—maybe it’s a stupid idea for him to be comforting, but he can’t let her sit in there and grieve alone—and touches her shoulder. She startles and looks up at him. “Sorry,” he says quietly.

“Oh, you’re such a sweet boy,” Mrs. K says, taking Buck's hand and patting it. She looks back at Tommy and strokes the back of her hand over his check. “My baby… I’m here,” she whispers and Buck gets a sudden (sickening) feeling… What if he was just waiting for her.

There’s a knock on the opened door; It’s Lucy and Sal. “Hi, Mrs. K…” Lucy says, already misty eyed again. She looks from Tommy’s mom to Buck, and for a second looks confused—probably wonders why he’s still there, especially still in the room, if he no longer needs to be.

Mrs. K reaches her free hand out to her and Lucy hurries over to grab it, bringing it up to her lips before wrapping her arms around the older woman. “There are so many people here for you, Tommy,” she says, laying her hand against Lucy’s cheek. “Lulu, and Sal… and of course—” Buck fully planned on stopping her from mentioning him, but Tommy’s doctor comes to the room first.

“Dr. Murillo,” the woman introduces herself as, shaking everyone’s hands and offering a friendly enough smile once they are all out of the room. Mrs. K thanks her for taking such good care of her boy, and Dr. Murillo asks if she’s been filled in on his condition.

Mrs. K sighs, “I know he was in an accident… that he fell pretty far.” Buck feels sick listening to her retell the story he has had to tell multiple times. He tries to excuse himself—there’s no need for him here.. Mrs. K lays her hand on his arm, giving the slightest squeeze. He doesn’t miss the flash of confusion that crosses Lucy’s face again.

Dr. Murillo nods before going over the extent of his injuries, and Buck feels even worse rehearing that. But more so he hates watching Mrs. K having to hear it. The entire time, however, she remains calm, put together… She’s so strong; Buck sees where Tommy gets it from. “Something you need to consider is the… possible… next steps. If he makes it through—”

Mrs. K puts her hand up, abruptly stopping the doctor’s speech. “With all due respect, doctor… I do understand the severity of this situation… but my Tommy is a fighter. He’s going to make it through this night— and every night— until he wakes up.” Buck feels himself nodding along to her statement. She’s right. Tommy’s so strong. He’s been through so much. He has to be okay. “So instead of if, how about we say when…”

Dr. Murillo opens her mouth, then closes it back and blinks a few times. She looks into the room at Tommy and sighs, then offers a faint smile. “Okay. When Mr. Kinard wakes up, you need to prepare yourself for what recovery will most likely look like. He is going to need extensive physical therapy, nerve therapy… It's very common for patients who come out of comas after severe accidents to need psychological therapy as well. He will have to work towards walking again, and that is no guarantee...”

Buck's brain goes fuzzy at the mention of places to contact for wheelchairs. She says she will give Mrs. K some information once they know what style he might need—they have to wait to see his range of motion— and that he will likely need home health care, if he lives in a two story house he might need to move. Lucy informs her he doesn’t, his house is plenty big enough for a wheelchair, a hospital bed, whatever he needs.

“So— so you’re saying he’s gonna be paralyzed?” Buck blurts out. Dr. Murillo looks from Mrs. K to Lucy and Sal, to him.

She furrows her brows in confusion. “I’m sorry… and who are you to Mr. Kinard?”, she asks… which makes sense—seeing as he has stayed tucked away as far from Tommy’s room as he could possibly be—she wouldn’t recognize him.

For a split second he almost says his boyfriend before he remembers he no longer has that title. He sputters trying to think of what exactly to call himself, and Mrs. K’s hold on his arm tightens. “Is that what you’re saying, Doctor?” she asks.

Dr. Murillo sighs. “We won’t know fully until he wakes up. However, there is swelling and damage to his spinal cord; so yes, it is a possibility.”

Mrs. K gives the doctor a small nod, a tear slipping down her cheek. “Thank you,” she says, and the doctor shakes all their hands again before walking off.

“Would you like some coffee, Mrs. K?” Lucy asks, wrapping an arm around the older woman’s shoulders.

“Oh that would be nice, sweetie,” Mrs. K smiles and reaches up to pay Lucy’s face. “Thank you.” She gives Buck’s arm one final squeeze before letting herself be led across the lobby to the coffee bar, Sal giving him a sympathetic look before following behind them.

As soon as Buck is left alone in the hallway, he hurries off in the direction Dr. Murrillo went. “Hey— umm, doc,” he says once he catches up to her. “A- About what you said back there… that’s just— that's the worst case scenario right? That he’ll be paralyzed…” Buck pointedly ignores the deep sigh his question pulls from the doctor, barreling straight into his next. “What— what’s the best case scenario?”

She turns to fully face him, in her hands is Tommy’s chart and she grips it a little tighter. “Sir,” she says, her voice stern but not entirely harsh. “Mr. Kinard fell almost 30 feet, landing directly on his back. The fact he survived that at all is a miracle.” Buck takes in her words, swallows them down to be with the other thoughts and emotions he is trying to ignore. “I’m not sure of his and your relationship, but you are clearly having trouble allowing yourself to accept the severity of this situation. You have to understand this is not something he will just bounce back from. Best case scenario is going to be that he wakes up at all.”

Buck takes that in and tries to swallow it down, but it’s just too big. He can feel tears rushing to his eyes and he thanks the doctor so he can turn away and try to stop them. The walk back down the hall to the ICU lobby feels like it takes forever. Definitely long enough to repeat the doctor's words over and over in his head. The fact that he survived… is a miracle. This is not something he is just going to bounce back from… best case scenario is… he wakes up at all. Buck feels sick. He bypasses the lobby and gets in the elevator, pushing the button for the ground floor.

He doesn’t have his Jeep… so he calls Bobby.

“Hey kid,” Bobby says in that soft fatherly voice Buck thinks he desperately needs right now… but definitely doesn’t deserve. “You okay?”

Buck climbed into the passenger seat, already prepared to lie and say yes. His breath hitches before he can draw in enough air to speak. He tries to stop it but the sob rushing out of him too quickly. He digs the pads of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears but they are coming too fast, too strong. An arm wraps around his shoulder, and pulls him into as good a hug as possible over the center console.

“I know, Buck… I know. Let it out, kid,” Bobby says and any resemblance of hold Buck has on this situation and his emotions crumbles. He sucks in another shaky breath and just lets it all go. Through sobs, and gasping for air, he tells Bobby about the grim outlook the doctor has, and tells him Tommy might be paralyzed. Bobby listens with a look of understanding and sympathy, as he keeps one hand firmly gripping Buck’s shoulder. When he’s done Bobby reaches in the back seat and grabs a bag of food. “Eat something or I’ll drag you back in there to have a feeding tube inserted.”

Buck feels his lips twitch into a smile, and opens the bag. It’s just a sandwich, but to be fair Bobby’s sandwiches are next level, top tier… he has it eaten within a few minutes. (Could have something to do with him not even knowing when the last time he ate was… too.)

It turns out the rangers didn’t keep his Jeep, and instead returned it to the station, as he had taken off into the forest without taking his keys. Bobby pulls into the parking lot of the 118 and parks beside the Jeep, before pulling the keys out of his pocket. “Aht,” he says before letting Buck take them. “What are you going to do once you get these?” Buck thinks on it… he was honestly just planning to drive home and wallow in self pity until he withered away.

“Go home?”

“Go home to sleep,” Bobby corrects. “Then what?”

“I— I’m guessing you still won’t let me come back to work.” Bobby smirks, arching one brow. “Yeah I didn’t think so… I don’t know…”

“Have you talked to Tommy yet?”

Buck furrows his brows, unsure if he’d heard Bobby right. “Cap he— he’s…”

“He’s what? You talked to me, didn’t you? We all talked to you; hell you even admitted you could hear us.” Buck sighs, Bobby smiles. “I told you, you needed to talk to him and straighten all this out before you came back and I still mean that. Buck, this is— it’s serious, okay? You need to make some sort of peace with all this—with him—in case you— you don’t get another chance to.” He drops Buck’s keys into his hand, grabs his shoulder and squeezes.

“Thanks Cap…”

~~~

Buck walks into the hospital.

Bobby’s gonna be pissed if he finds out he didn’t go home first. He meant to go home first. He is exhausted and still dirty (a bathroom sink with multiple people watching him to make sure he didn’t go crazy with the scrubbing again can only do so much). He pulled out of the station and just ended up back at the hospital.

He returns to his corner chair; perhaps he can get a little sleep here. His eyes fall closed, he’s not sure for how long, then suddenly he feels warm. He feels his head being lifted from the wall, feels it being laid back down onto a crinkly pillow. He opens his eyes and sees Mrs. K. She clicks her tongue and smiles. “I really thought I could get you set up without waking you.”

Buck blinks and looks down at himself. A blanket—one of the warmed ones the hospital offers—is draped over him, and a pillow is between his head and the wall. “You didn’t have to—”

“Oh hush with that, of course I did!” She sits down next to him and pats his leg. “You have been here all this time and I bet you haven’t got a lick of sleep.” Buck can feel eyes burrowing into him, and when he glances up at the lobby some of the 217 have returned; Morris has returned. He is glaring at Buck. “Colin,” Mrs. K says, and Morris’ eyes break from Buck to her.

“Yes— uh, yes ma’am…”

“If there’s something you feel the need to say, please just say it, and stop wearing it across your face…” she says, bluntly. Buck is stunned, Morris is stunned, and the other firefighters… look like they might laugh. She turns her eyes to them and they all go quiet, before just sitting back down. She turns her attention back to Buck. “Alright, sweet pea, what’s all this—” she gestures wildly around his body. “—about?”

“I don’t— I don’t deserve this…” Buck whispers. Mrs. K looks at him confused, and something inside him finally gives. “I don’t understand why— how you can be so welcoming to me after I…” He takes a deep breath and looks towards Tommy’s room. “I hurt him so bad…” he says. “How can you even look at me when I’m the reason we’re sitting here now.”

“Did you cause the helicopter to crash?”

“What— no… but I—” I might as well have…

“You what? You broke up with him? You went digging and found out about Jay?”

He feels his eyes widen. “You— you knew about that?”

She smirks, actually smirks, squeezing Buck's hand. “Oh honey… Tommy tells me everything. He was ringing me before he even got back to his car. Saying he’d messed up, he blew it…”

Buck takes a breath, it catches in his throat and he knows he’s going to start crying. He frantically tries to blink back the tears and shakes his head. “He didn’t— it wasn’t his fault?! I messed up. I— I invaded his privacy,” he gasps. “I hacked his account. I threw it all in his face even after I saw how upset it made him the first time… everyone tried to warn me not to go digging for a reason to be angry, just like everyone told me he was spiraling… and I didn’t— I completely deserve all the hate I’m getting, I know that. I am the one who blew it…” He pulls the blanket off of him, and sets it in an open chair. “I shouldn’t even be here… he— he doesn’t need me here. I’m only making it worse being here… you’re here now… that’s what he needs, what he was waiting for.”

Mrs. K stares at him for a while before sighing. She shifts in the seat to face Buck. “Sweetie, I know how difficult this all is for you… the guilt you’re putting on yourself… I watched Tommy do the same thing when—” she pauses, takes a breath. “He needs you here… to know you’re here,” she says, voice suddenly heavy, and trembling like she might cry. “He is not holding on for me…” she says softly, giving him a smile. “Or anyone else. He is holding on for you... He loves you so much, and he would never forgive himself in this life or the next if he put you through the heartache he had to endure.” She stares up at Buck, tears filling her tired eyes. “You don’t believe me?”

“Oh, it’s— it’s not that…”

Mrs. K sniffles and wipes the falling tear off her cheek. “Then, get up,” she says, standingss as, and tugging Buck up by his hand.

“Wha— uh, what are we—”

“Come on.”

Buck follows behind Mrs. K, who still has a firm grip on his hand, across the lobby to Tommy’s room. She lets him go at the door and walks into the room. Lucy looks up from her phone, Mrs. K asks if they can have a moment. Buck dips his head to avoid seeing the surprise look that causes. Once Lucy leaves Mrs. K beckons Buck over to Tommy’s side. Seeing him this close is hard. He’s so discolored and swollen.

“Sit down,” she instructs, and Buck does. She lifts one of Tommy’s hands, and reaches for one of Buck’s, gently laying Tommy’s in it.

“I don’t—”

“You shush, and you’ll see…” she says, offering him a smile before running her fingers through Tommy’s hair. “Hey baby, you know who’s here?” Buck makes a strangled noise, about to protest, and gets Mrs. K’s finger over his lips. “It’s Evan…”

Tommy squeezes.

Buck gasps, and looks at their hands. Just like in the forest, Tommy’s hand is closed tight around his, then releases. “T- Tommy…” he says, and the hand tightens again. “Oh my god… your— you can—” Buck can feel tears pooling in his eyes. Tommy squeezes his hand again and they topple over. “I can’t believe it—” he cries.

“I’ll give you a bit,” Mrs. K says, laying her hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“Um… H- Hi…Hey— hey Tommy,” he starts, smiling when he feels the squeeze like a response. “I— um…” He runs his thumb over Tommy’s hand. He has half a mind to lace their fingers together… he doesn’t. “I don’t even know where to start. Sorry doesn’t cut it… you deserve so much more than that. I was wrong, I was cruel… I hurt you, and for what? To be right? To prove you were like the others… that you weren’t this amazing, wonderful, beautiful person… who only ever loved me, for me. You were the first person who loved me like I was enough…” Buck’s lip trembles, his tears fall, he lets them. They drop down and land on Tommy’s hand. It squeezes. “I don’t deserve you, I know that… and I will spend the rest of my life regretting what I did. But— But I need you to be here, so I can spend that time making it up to you, okay? And— and I will… Tommy. I will spend everyday making it up to you… forever.”

Tommy’s hand squeezes. He takes in a deep breath, and lets out a gagged noise around his breathing tube. Buck looks up, bracing himself for the worst… what if it was him Tommy was waiting for… because wouldn’t that just be his luck if the reaper in the room used his apology as an opening to swoop in and take him. What he is met with is Tommy’s eye—the good one (i.e not the swollen one)—open and looking at him.

~~~~~~~

And for the tags <3

@bucksxkinard @30somethingautisticteacher @do-androids-dream-ao3acc @girlwonder-writes @sira1420 @kinkley-are-adorkable-flirts @somethingaboutfirefly @ilikethe-internet @itsametaphorok <3

(if you'd like to be added to the tag list just let me know 😊)

#911 abc #bucktommy #bucktommy fic #evan buckley #tommy kinard #sal deluca #lucy donato #original characters #Tommy Kinard's mom #Tw major character injury #tw depressing stuff #angst angst angst #there will be a happy ending tho... I promise

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