#6'5 Mixed lightskin with the coordination of a recently awoken tranquilized giraffe on the scene

[theblehthatbloos]

Girl filters

I feel like it's helpful to know you are not alone in something and I like laughing at myself, so, long post. Like or reblog in whatever part. Or don't, I'm not Star Fleet.

Do you remember when the girl filter came out? Did one of your friends go "Oh! Here!" and awkwardly move their hand for you to pose while you try to drop what you were thinking and pose for her to take it for what feels like far to long? Because after that, hearing them go wow and say something that you can't remember and then her turning the phone to you followed by what I'd compare to trying to remember something before you blacked out?

Because that was odd, but I bet you remember seeing it and feeling strange. Somthing that you don't understand. You like it, are you attracted to yourself? No, you usually hate pictures of yourself, but it looks nice. It's a good picture. Your freind from the vauge picture memory and that freind group tell you how pretty you are as a girl. One of them is "Mad" because you'd make a hotter woman than her. And eventually you do somthing for a reason you still can't put your finger on. You share it with

The Boys

And you get them saying how fucking hot this version of you is. "This isn't something I want to keep thinking about" or "Lol you shouldn't have shown that to *name redacted* bruh" and the spectacular one from a freind of 5 years: "In another life~" Your roommate bringing it up for several days after while you were cooking dinner for everyone.

That was a weird time, right?

[theblehthatbloos]

I hope you enjoyed that part, here's the next, no time to reflect on what just happened, just be like me and go "uhhououhuh well that was peculiar"

Part 2, go

I'm playing phantasy star online 2 with a few friends and it's corny, cringy, whatever adjective you want to use and I'm loving it. I even played the old one, Phantasy Star Universe and it was a trip to see that style again from somthing so niche to me.

I also made my avatar an anime me except with teal eyes, because, you know, photons? So tall, brown, ect. I played as ranger with braver as sub until...

"Why don't you try force? You floa-"

And I was introduced to a bevy of magical girl movements being done by something that almost looked like me and had a huge flash back to how much I liked that style as a kid but saw it as somthing I'm not ment to do. I'm too tall, I am literally a boy boy and huge amounts that equated to "I can't be that. I cannot do that." I constantly distanced myself from that acstetic and took into thinking it was cool but not my style(Like a fool).

I grew up with alot of appreciation for expression and being empathetic. To always be genuine, not just for others but for yourself. There was alot of LGBTQ+ representation and support growing up. I was told I can like who ever I like, my mother sewed and did dress repair for drag queens, my most coolest adult was a lesbian firefighter and I went to a school, all the way from k through 5, that was one street up to what people know as the gayest street.

There was never someone directly saying no. I, of course, saw alot of homophobia and violence, it wasn't hard to see that it was in every group no matter what side of my mixed identity I wanted to embrace or distance. I grew up with alot of love around me, but alot of people didn't and it showed.

I had a boyfriend for about a month before his parents begrudgingly accepted their son was gay but didn't appreciate me being half black. After that I let my partners know I'm... Somthing? but they were mostly female after that. I was the titular bi guy that was always seen with women and then very rarely with a man.

I've accepted that I was somthing for a long time, and I think that's not even for the level that it was at. It wasn't an acceptance of love, pride, hate or really anything. Even identifying as bi, then pan, then saying bi/Pan just to encapsulate what I know for other people to know the kind of people I love.

It was okay, and that's it. It didn't matter it doesn't matter. So what is happening?

Girl filters

I feel like it's helpful to know you are not alone in something and I like laughing at myself, so, long post. Like or reblog in whatever part. Or don't, I'm not Star Fleet.

Do you remember when the girl filter came out? Did one of your friends go "Oh! Here!" and awkwardly move their hand for you to pose while you try to drop what you were thinking and pose for her to take it for what feels like far to long? Because after that, hearing them go wow and say something that you can't remember and then her turning the phone to you followed by what I'd compare to trying to remember something before you blacked out?

Because that was odd, but I bet you remember seeing it and feeling strange. Somthing that you don't understand. You like it, are you attracted to yourself? No, you usually hate pictures of yourself, but it looks nice. It's a good picture. Your freind from the vauge picture memory and that freind group tell you how pretty you are as a girl. One of them is "Mad" because you'd make a hotter woman than her. And eventually you do somthing for a reason you still can't put your finger on. You share it with

The Boys

And you get them saying how fucking hot this version of you is. "This isn't something I want to keep thinking about" or "Lol you shouldn't have shown that to *name redacted* bruh" and the spectacular one from a freind of 5 years: "In another life~" Your roommate bringing it up for several days after while you were cooking dinner for everyone.

That was a weird time, right?

[theblehthatbloos]

Part 3, it's apathy.

Who the fuck cares? It literally doesn't matter, is a good point for alot of things outwardly. What you do is none of my business and I have no say over you is a healthy way to look at people. As long as you aren't hurting people then it doesn't matter, right? Every one is human, deserves respect, people love people and there is literally no reason to care about it or make you feel some type of way.

And that's fine, that's fine and good for people. Other people, other people, but.... You?

I think it's really easy, especially if you are or have been in dark places, to think very lowly of yourself. That you don't deserve things or the bad that comes to you is your fault or atleast it happened to you and not someone you care about. It's so easy to belittle yourself past humor, past humility and say something so incredibly hurtful that you wish you didn't mean.

But hey, it doesn't matter, right? You've had it worse. You've bled, you can still remember that pain, you still woke up, you survived, you survived again, you've had worse.

And that's why we are here, we don't let things keep us down, we always get back up, we always come back.

With these ideas, these lived thoughts, we convince ourselves so well that it's okay and that it doesn't matter over and over and over again. What happens when we change course and "let ourselves get hurt again"? Go back to the "Meh" hole?

Look me in the computer eyes in these letters and say it with me. "People deserve better. You are people."

It's easy to get jaded, yeah it matters when you apply all of these things to everyone, but yourself, nah, fuck you. You care so much about others. You can see people for who they are when they tell you. You respect everyone at a base level, you think that people should be free to be who they are.

You deserve that too

Girl filters

I feel like it's helpful to know you are not alone in something and I like laughing at myself, so, long post. Like or reblog in whatever part. Or don't, I'm not Star Fleet.

Do you remember when the girl filter came out? Did one of your friends go "Oh! Here!" and awkwardly move their hand for you to pose while you try to drop what you were thinking and pose for her to take it for what feels like far to long? Because after that, hearing them go wow and say something that you can't remember and then her turning the phone to you followed by what I'd compare to trying to remember something before you blacked out?

Because that was odd, but I bet you remember seeing it and feeling strange. Somthing that you don't understand. You like it, are you attracted to yourself? No, you usually hate pictures of yourself, but it looks nice. It's a good picture. Your freind from the vauge picture memory and that freind group tell you how pretty you are as a girl. One of them is "Mad" because you'd make a hotter woman than her. And eventually you do somthing for a reason you still can't put your finger on. You share it with

The Boys

And you get them saying how fucking hot this version of you is. "This isn't something I want to keep thinking about" or "Lol you shouldn't have shown that to *name redacted* bruh" and the spectacular one from a freind of 5 years: "In another life~" Your roommate bringing it up for several days after while you were cooking dinner for everyone.

That was a weird time, right?

[theblehthatbloos]

Part 4, glowsticks on the floor

I'm not to sure how to conclude this because I still am not sure how to do so for the main topic of this whole *Gestures* thing I have done and I sure as hell don't have a perfect one for *More gestures, now at myself* this one either.

Identity is weird. For alot of people it's clear, for some it's shallow and for others the response is a sigh while tilting their head back in the most exasperated way possible, as they should.

"I don't fucking know!" is also a fine response, but when we say, especially to ourselves "I don't care." please also remind yourself that it is okay but you are still important.

The name of the tree doesn't fucking matter, but the tree dose. The name of the cat you are now picturing in your head doesn't matter to me but it's still an important cat that matters to you, just like the one in my head right now matters to me.

It's okay to not know, to not need a label for your identity. You can be whoever you want. But remember this as you scroll down to see whatever kuriboh inspired fever dream you see next.

You matter, who you are matters, and they are great.

Wherever you are, whoever you are,(whenever you are?,) you matter.

-T

Girl filters

I feel like it's helpful to know you are not alone in something and I like laughing at myself, so, long post. Like or reblog in whatever part. Or don't, I'm not Star Fleet.

Do you remember when the girl filter came out? Did one of your friends go "Oh! Here!" and awkwardly move their hand for you to pose while you try to drop what you were thinking and pose for her to take it for what feels like far to long? Because after that, hearing them go wow and say something that you can't remember and then her turning the phone to you followed by what I'd compare to trying to remember something before you blacked out?

Because that was odd, but I bet you remember seeing it and feeling strange. Somthing that you don't understand. You like it, are you attracted to yourself? No, you usually hate pictures of yourself, but it looks nice. It's a good picture. Your freind from the vauge picture memory and that freind group tell you how pretty you are as a girl. One of them is "Mad" because you'd make a hotter woman than her. And eventually you do somthing for a reason you still can't put your finger on. You share it with

The Boys

And you get them saying how fucking hot this version of you is. "This isn't something I want to keep thinking about" or "Lol you shouldn't have shown that to *name redacted* bruh" and the spectacular one from a freind of 5 years: "In another life~" Your roommate bringing it up for several days after while you were cooking dinner for everyone.

That was a weird time, right?

[theblehthatbloos]

Oh, yeah

P.S

I almost forgot what I was originally going to shit post about, to make this worse. The build I ended up with is Main Techer, Force sub....

I'm going to go drink water. Much love y'all

Girl filters

I feel like it's helpful to know you are not alone in something and I like laughing at myself, so, long post. Like or reblog in whatever part. Or don't, I'm not Star Fleet.

Do you remember when the girl filter came out? Did one of your friends go "Oh! Here!" and awkwardly move their hand for you to pose while you try to drop what you were thinking and pose for her to take it for what feels like far to long? Because after that, hearing them go wow and say something that you can't remember and then her turning the phone to you followed by what I'd compare to trying to remember something before you blacked out?

Because that was odd, but I bet you remember seeing it and feeling strange. Somthing that you don't understand. You like it, are you attracted to yourself? No, you usually hate pictures of yourself, but it looks nice. It's a good picture. Your freind from the vauge picture memory and that freind group tell you how pretty you are as a girl. One of them is "Mad" because you'd make a hotter woman than her. And eventually you do somthing for a reason you still can't put your finger on. You share it with

The Boys

And you get them saying how fucking hot this version of you is. "This isn't something I want to keep thinking about" or "Lol you shouldn't have shown that to *name redacted* bruh" and the spectacular one from a freind of 5 years: "In another life~" Your roommate bringing it up for several days after while you were cooking dinner for everyone.

That was a weird time, right?