#6 in my drafts currently

[mischiefbuckley]

on season 6 of my rewatch currently and I find it again very interesting how even back when chimney had set up hen and karen, he didn’t go by chimney he went by howie and that’s again how hen knew chimney as it was howie so it begs the question on where this chimney nickname came from, but it’s again just a running gag at this point and I’m not sure I want to even know the story for it like I feel like it’s better off left a mystery, but again it would be funny to see what the writers come up with or if this is something that has been planned since the beginning and they are waiting for like the last episode or something and make it end in a cliffhanger, but honestly who even knows lol

[aquamarinebling]

very excited about my fic bc I love the concept; however, I hate every second I spend writing this next god forsaken chapter. and im nowhere near the chapters where i can get Really Into the specific Loop dissection that im most excited about. . . The world is cruel and unkind to poor author doing her best </3

[iii-days-grace]

The Father, the Bun, and the Holy Ghost

Hey! I don't have the spoons today to put this up and tag it on AO3 and/or Knotfic, but I wanted to post it anyway. I'll upload it there in a few days or whenever I have the time and energy.

In that case, consider this a sort of open beta reading :) Summary: Shawn and Sid get the munchies one night while on tour, and explore a new city to find a restaurant with an unusual theme.

Word Count: 1076

Rating: Gen

Characters: Sid Wilson, Shawn Crahan

Pairing: 0/6

The Father, the Bun, and the Holy Ghost

‘Sorry daddy, I’ve been -’

Shawn swats Sid from across the table. ‘That’s not the words. Here.’ He shoves a fry into his hand and pops the lid from off Sid’s drink. Not technically the right ritual either, but they’ll skip the confession shit for now. The food is hot, so state of grace be damned.

As he shifts he catches a whiff of pot stink from his jacket. They shared another joint on the way over so he knows they both have to stink at this point, all the smoke and sweat and probably other things liberated by the misty spring rain they had walked through to get here. Everything in this city closed early for some reason.

But this is a burger place somewhere close to midnight, who else is it open for anyway besides the stoners?

Probably not good Christian boys, even if weed was legal in this country. He thinks. He doesn’t have time to remember such things on tour. Nobody seems to be batting an eye about the smell of the Devil’s lettuce though, so they’re probably fine.

Something about the cocktail tickles his limbic system in a way that reminds him of evenings spent loitering behind the high school, bumming smokes off each other from friends and tucking butts inside their pockets to avoid leaving evidence.

Anyway, the stench that leaches off them still doesn’t mask the hot and crispy smell from off the trays. Thick-cut golden fries with skin, the burger bleeds that weird pink juice that isn’t blood, but sure looks like it — nothing like the anaemic grey things they usually manage to grab from a drive-through between shows.

‘Earth to Shawn?’ Sid’s still holding his fry between his fingertips like a joint, waiting.

‘Alright, alright. Now eat it.’ Shawn sloshes the open drink in one hand as he gestures. A few drops — (the blood of Christ, amen) — land on the buns, fries scattered around it like manna (don’t worry, I’ll pay. Let’s go. No, it’s not too far, we’ll walk, I’m starving.) Midnight, high school, hotel. Follow the fryer and grease smell inside.

Where were they again?

He shakes his head and floats himself back down to Earth, and listens to the ice crackling in his drink as he waits for the man across the table to finish chewing. Somewhere between one and thirty minutes later, Sid conquers the solitary little fry and grins.

‘Okay, now gimme the blood,’ he says, wiggling his fingers in a lazy impression of Count Dracula.

He pauses. ‘Wait, does this make us vampires? Holy shit, is Jesus a zombie?’ Sid whispers in horror — maybe dramatic, but maybe real if his high is anything like the one smoothing out Shawn’s frontal lobes.

Grabbing Shawn’s free hand, Sid peels his sparkling, bloodshot eyes open like he’s about to spill some big secret and over the table. Sid blinks, trying and mostly failing to focus, his eyes swimming a little as he’s distracted by the neon sign over Shawn’s shoulder.

Shawn’s facing away from the wall, but he can see the logo mirrored on the window, shimmering through the glazed reflection and backlit by the city lights beyond it.

‘Sidney.’

‘Are we cannibals?’

‘You’re not even Catholic. Do you want me to do it or not?’ Shawn asks. Goddamn zombie Jesus. He sighs. An argument for when they’re more baked, perhaps.

Not that they’re being proper about the thing anyway, but this isn’t much of a church either, let alone a cathedral, so who cares. Despite the topical verses printed on the cups and the cheeky golden calf by the tip jar (’alms for the poor’). In another life he might be able to remember what the verses are about, but currently his attention is doing double duty.

Shawn holds the drink to Sid’s face and gently backhands him again when he moves to pick it up. Sid gets the idea and lets Shawn hold the cup while he takes a sip, swishing it around in his mouth. He looks at Shawn expectantly.

‘That’s it?’

‘By the power vested in me by the state of Iowa, I now pronounce you cleansed of fast food sins. Heathen. Can we eat now?’

‘Can I have your pickle?’

‘What, your thirst hasn’t been slaked yet? Spiritually speaking of course. Don’t waste the blessing, or we’ll have to do it all over again.’ He laughs and shakes his head, and peels open his sandwich, plopping the vinegary wafer onto Sid’s plate.

‘You’re gross,’ he says.

‘Hey, fuck you, it was your weed.’

Sid tucks the evil green thing into the real lettuce and folds his burger back together. Shawn methodically snaps the lid back on his drink and unwraps his straw, squinting at the verse printed on the paper, something from Ecclesiastes. One of the nicer books of the thing, if he remembers correctly. He tucks the paper his pocket to look up in the bedside Bible back at the hotel.

They eat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the quiet hum of the fluorescent lights and the sizzle of fries cooking. Now and then the doorbell jingles as someone enters the restaurant. Sid bums the occasional fry from his plate; Shawn lets him. The high settles into his muscles as the food sits warm in his belly.

There's no clock in here, but the sound of the remaining ice cubes rattling as Sid finishes his drink bring him back to Earth again.

Sid taps his arm.

‘Hey, I saw a fried chicken place with a sexy chicken lady logo on the way here. Do you think that one’s themed like a strip club?’

Sure, why not? If a burger could be redeemed, chicken probably could too.

‘Let’s check it out. There’s a mini-fridge in the room for leftovers.‘

They clear their table and stack the trays on top of the bin. Shawn slips his jacket back on again as they go outside. As they open the door, in the distance, he fancies he hears the ring of a church bell.

‘I’ll buy,’ Shawn says, ‘but you owe me a joint for this one.’

Sid laughs and gently shoves into Shawn with his shoulder, hands in his pockets as they head back into the night.

‘Any time, dude. Any time.’

FINI

Ecclesiastes 9:7 - Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do.

[mimicteruyo]

I see we’ve reached the part of my usual pattern which breaks my writing streak for weeks/months at a time. Not this time! I’m beating this!

[enby-ralsei]

i need ur most emotional jrwi episodes now. they need to destroy me, but it doesnt have to be in sadness. like ep 47 of riptide isnt Sad per se. just emotional u know. any campaign.

[brother-genitivi]

would Love to hear about tarwa mar!!! 👀

Jay thANK you

I don't have much to say except it's a lotr/th fix it that's very gay and transgender. Also I say fix it loosely bc yeah, no one dies, but trauma trauma trauma 😭😭

[cursivebloodlines]

it's after 3am. i've completed one reply but i'm holding on to it until ii've done a few more. i think the draft count is updated now so if you don't see yours on there pls shoot me an im because i haven't dropped anything (i'll always reach out if that's the case) so anything missed is unintentional! i'm going out tomorrow with my friends but i'll be around when i'm home :) i've done bits and pieces of other replies but my eyes need to rest now. but it's better than nothing! chat soon loves. x

also sorry i have neglected my ims! i have been trying to limit distractions lmao

[xawkward-ariesx]

There was another wince on the other end as he settles on what sounds like one of the parlour couches. "We can only deal with one problem at a time brother, and right now the witch is an actual risk while Saint Caroline is only a probable future problem."

Future fic, You feel too much and nothing at all.

[etherealnoir]

choking and smacking, and “shut the fuck up”, and sweetness/degredation in English AND Spanish, and “Look at me. Fucking look at me.” And then amazing aftercare at the end.

[total-serene560]

prepping to do A Strange Education for NaNoWriMo this year. I'm very glad I'm going to be doing the scenes in chronological order (starting from the 1985 scenes).

[jmtorres]

in re plagiarism and citation and people not knowing how to do it

in the capstone class of my MASTER's degree, I had to do a group paper with fellow students who had all done 6+ years of collegiate study to get there

we shared drafts of our portions and they had no citations and i was like???? and they were like "it's a draft i'll put the citations in at the end" and i was like ???????

because by the time you're done writing the thing you're not going to remember what you got where and whether you synthesized information together! this is how "i thought i thought of it" plagiarism cases occur!!!!

anyway i told them at the bare minimum any time they referenced a numerical figure they needed to cite it, and since it was a paper on accounting fraud that mostly worked out. but i could tell they were citing stuff simply because i'd told them to cite where numbers came from, because they didn't bother to cite some non-numerical things that definitely needed it.

anyway this is why when you have classes that have multiple assignments for a paper to teach you how to write it, annotated bibliography comes before drafting. because you're supposed to have your sources and know what's in them when you start writing.

to current college students: PLEASE put the citations in as you're writing not as you're editing. i know it seems like a pita especially if you don't know the formatting well, but that's what tools like Purdue Owl are for. Tell it what citation format you're supposed to use, what kind of source you have, fill in the fields and it will format the citation for you.

[amtrak12]

Look if someone’s reading baby!fic for their ship -- even when it’s a canon child -- all they really want are the day-to-day minutia of parenting right? Like the reader isn’t going to get mad when the plot is delayed for a three year old to complain that her show stopped playing or when an entire 11,000 word chapter is just the struggles and chaos of sending two stubborn children off to bed. Like that’s the whole reason they even clicked on the fic, right?

[feederissssmmmmm]

In reference to my previous post, heres the gluttony month challenge

This is just a rough draft so recommendations are greatly appreciated!

Month of gluttony

(Feel free to adjust the numbers to make sure the challenge suits you, if the current challenge is too easy, add more, if its too hard eat less, but i do encourage that you only make it easier if you absolutely can’t)

Day 1 add 1000 calories to whatever you eat on a normal day

Day 2 full pizza in one sitting

Day 3 everything you wanna eat, eat double

Day 4 stack a burger as high as you can and add as many fries as can fit on the plate

Day 5 weight gain shake chug

Day 6 4 eggs, 4 pancakes, 4 slices of bacon (or meat alternative)

Day 7 tacobell binge, get AT LEAST 3 items

Day 8 2 liters of soda and a footlong sub

Day 9 grazing day, no big stuffing just continuous snacking, make sure theres always food by your side

Day 10 add 2k calories to what you usually eat

Day 11 do a food challenge at a local restaurant or desert place

Day 12 no turning down food for the day, anyone asks you to eat something, you have to (to make this day best, make sure to let people in these communities know youre doing this challenge)

Day 13 eat 2 pints of ice cream in one sitiing

Day 14 grazing day, no big stuffing just continuous snacking, make sure theres always food by your side

Day 15 add 3k calories to what you usually eat

Day 16 break day, youve worked so hard and the hardest is yet to come, you get one day to eat normally

Day 17 a full pt of pasta for you

Day 18 eat a full cake/pie

Day 19 grazing day, no big stuffing just continuous snacking, make sure theres always food by your side

Day 20 add 4k calories to what you usually eat

Day 21 break day, youve worked so hard and the hardest is yet to come, you get one day to eat normally

Day 22 move as little as possible, lay in bed all day and have your meals brought to you or bring snacks at the beginning of the day

Day 23 go into your local grocery store/gas station with $10 and get the most calories you can out and eat it in one sitting

Day 24 grazing day, no big stuffing just continuous snacking, make sure theres always food by your side

Day 25 add 6k calories to what you usually eat

Day 26 break day, youve worked so hard and the hardest is yet to come, you get one day to eat normally

Day 27 “bulking” a full pot of rice

Day 28 pick 3 fast food restaurants to get a full meal from in one trip

Day 29 a dozen donuts in one sitting

Day 30 10,000 calories in one day

If you’re looking for fun names for this depending on the month you could go with Balloon June, thick thigh july, stuffing september, fatober, and those are all I can think of, I’ll probably try and do it in balloon june or thick thigh july, not sure which 🤔

[thewertsearch]

Alright! Welcome back to TheWertsearch, everybody!

I'm currently firing up Homestuck Collection for the first time in a month, and I've got to tell you, I am pumped. My plan is to warm up my liveblogger's brain by rereading some of Act 5, and then start drafting an ask compilation. I'll post it tomorrow, and then we'll be back to regular programming from Wednesday onwards!

Also, I was not kidding in these tags. Cat's told me approximately how much of Act 5 I have left, and this should be just about achievable, if I'm sufficiently on my grind. No promises, of course, but I'm full of pent-up liveblogging energy, and I'm optimistic about my chances.

Whether or not we get there before January, we'll definitely be reaching Act 6 sooner rather than later. It'll be the end of an era, the end of a session, and the beginning of a brand new one.

Hope y'all are excited as I am!

[wandascosmic]

just maybe (9)

wanda maximoff x fem!reader

part nine of 'you belong with me' series

summary: basically a wanda series inspired by jim and pam from the office

word count: 3193

tags: swearing, playful mention of sex, an office fire drill, best friends to lovers, idiots already in love to lovers, reader having an insane amount of self-control as always, jealousy jealousy from our favorite sokovian

taglist: @reginassweetheart @rroyale-109 @marvel-posts @sheriffhaughtearp

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9

“Shield Industries, this is Wanda,” Wanda introduces as she answers the receptionist's phone. Upon hearing the voice, Wanda furrows her brows. “Sure, can I ask who’s calling?” The person responds with their name. “Just a second.” Wanda turns to hit a button on the phone. 

Suddenly, your phone begins to ring. “Y/N L/N,” you state, picking up the call. You laugh, hearing that it was your current almost girlfriend. “What, how did you get this number?” You mock with a grin. “Stalker,” you shake your head. 

Wanda’s not sure how she feels as she watches the happy expression on your face from her desk. You seem content with Valkyrie, but something about her just made Wanda feel uneasy. She’s come to the conclusion that she’s probably just protective of you, since you’ve always been her best friend, and since knowing you she had never really seen you in any serious relationships. She simply cared for you, a lot. 

“So we’re still on for lunch?” you ask Valkyrie. “Are you meeting me here? Okay. Great. See you later. Bye,” you finish with a smile, hanging up. 

You were about to get back to work when Wanda calls out to you from across the room. “Hey,” she says, causing you to turn your head towards her, and gives you a small smile. “You can just give her your extension.” 

“Sure,” you nod, before returning to the papers on your desk. 

Wanda frowns. 

***

There was a deafening loud sound reverberating through the entire office. The smoke detector, of course. 

You sigh. You just wanted to get through the day uninterrupted, not including the lunch you had planned with Valkyrie. And, of course, spending as much time as you could with Wanda. Just one normal day, please.

And right on time, Sam begins to shout. “Okay, people, this is not at test! Everybody make your way to the exits!” He calls out. 

“Do not panic!” Tony yells alongside him. “Everyone, just get up from your desks, arms at your side!” 

“This is not a drill, move quickly, everyone, this is a paper company, come on!” Sam screams at the top of his lungs, rather dramatically. If you weren’t at a risk for being set on fire, you would’ve had a witty sarcastic remark ready on the tip of your tongue for him. “This whole place is a tinder box, it’s ready to blow!” 

You’re making your way out the exits, when suddenly Wanda immediately runs towards you and meets the rhythm of your stride, holding your hand. 

You give her a confused look. “Nat says we should have safety partners,” she responds with a shrug. 

“I didn’t hear that–” you begin to say.

“Clear out, stat!” Sam interrupts, sprinting past the two of you and clearly out of breath after screaming out fire safety laws for the past 10 minutes. 

Forgetting your previous statement, you turn to the brunette beside you once you’ve both made it safely to the parking lot outside. “Please tell me we can prank Sam after this,” you tell Wanda, bringing out a huge grin on her face.

“Oh, for sure,” she responds immediately. “In fact, I’m drafting up about 5 plans right now in my mind.” 

You laugh. “Of course you are, Maximoff.” Wanda squeezes your hand in return. 

***

“Okay, you know what?” you call out to the people around you. It had been ten minutes, and you were thoroughly bored of standing around. “I think Wanda and I are gonna set an agenda around here.” 

Wanda nods with a grin. 

Clapping your hands together lightly, you call towards the rest of the office staff. “Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement.” You say. “I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense,” you pause, “psychologically revealing conversations.” 

You give Wanda a look to finish the rest of your announcement. “So,” she turns to face the crowd. “We’re gonna be playing Desert Island…” 

“”Who Would You Do?” you continue, making Wanda snicker. 

“And, “Would You Rather?”” Wanda finishes. 

“Would You Rather,” you agree. 

You’re about to start the first game, when suddenly, the fire trucks pull in and the firefighters run through the office crowd to get into the building. 

“What’s up, guys, long time no see,” you greet slightly, making Wanda smack you playfully on the arm. “What?” you laugh. 

She rolls her eyes in response. “You’re a dork.” 

You stick your tongue out at her in return, and turn back to the crowd once all the firefighters have made their way through. 

“Okay, so, first, three books on a desert island,” you look around, trying to pick the first person to go. “Nat,” you point. 

Nat squints her eyes suspiciously at the interaction in front of her first, before answering. “The Hunger Games, and a Russian dictionary, to make sure I’m not out of practice.” 

“Okay, you have one more book though,” you say. 

“Rather not,” Nat responds. 

“Okay,” you say with a shrug, and turning towards your best friend. “Wanda, next person?” 

Wanda nods, looking around to pick the right person. “Peter!” she says. 

“Oh,” Peter responds shyly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Um, Death by Black Hole, Nonlinear Dynamics and Chaos, and one of the scientific journals I read a while ago but I can’t remember the name.” 

“Alright, that’s pretty cool,” you say. 

“No, it’s not,” Sam retorts immediately. “If he burned them, he would only be warm for like seven seconds. Question, is there firewood on the island?” 

“I guess,” you shrug. 

Sam scoffs. “Then I would bring an axe. No books.”

“That’s actually pretty practical, Mr. Sam,” Peter squeaks out. 

“Peter, you don’t need to agree with the guy,” you reassure. “I never do.” 

Peter nods, shifting his weight on his feet instead. 

You look at Sam once more. “You can’t bring an axe, Sam. Just books.” 

Sam narrows his eyes at you. “Fine, then. Physician’s Desk Reference.”

“Nice. Smart.” 

But unfortunately, Sam continues. “But hollowed out. Inside, waterproof matches, iodine tablets.” Wanda turns to you with an expression that tells you she’s trying not to laugh. You roll your eyes playfully in response. “Beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.” Wanda finally can’t help herself and lets out a small snicker. “Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?”

***

Unfortunately, the books don’t last very long since it appears that people don’t read too much in the Shield Industries office. However, you’re definitely remembering Wanda’s answer for her next birthday. 

“Okay, DVDs, five movies, what would you bring?” you ask the crowd. 

Bruce immediately raises his hand. 

“Yes, Bruce?” 

Bruce starts naming all of his guilty pleasure movies, and you and Wanda look at each other while struggling not to laugh. 

“Wow,” you whisper quietly to her as Bruce continues naming his choices. 

“Well, I kind of like–” Wanda whispers one of the movies to you through her quiet giggles. 

“Wanda, you’re misinterpreting this,” you tease gently. “These are desert island movies, you know? Not guilty pleasure movies. These are the movies you’re gonna be watching for the rest of your life! Forever!” 

“I take it back,” Wanda grins, facing you. 

“Unforgivable,” you shake your head. 

“I take it back!” Wanda wraps her arms around yours. 

***

“Wanda,” you turn to the brunette so she’s facing your front. “Your turn, five movies, go ahead.” 

Wanda groans, looking at you with a hopeful expression on her face. “Does it have to be movies? What about sitcoms?” she asks excitedly. 

You hum thoughtfully. “What do you guys think?” you turn to the rest of the staff.

“To be fair, I don’t think Maximoff has seen a single movie in her life, so for her, it should be allowed,” Nat says. 

“Hey!” Wanda says, slightly offended. “I’ll have you know, when I first came here, Y/N took me to see a bunch of your classic American movies.” 

“Oh, did she now?” Nat responds back sarcastically. 

“Okay, come on, guys,” you say past the slight blush in your cheeks. “No need to be hostile. Wanda, go ahead and name your top sitcoms you’d bring to the island.” 

Wanda immediately forgets about the interaction with Nat and starts naming her favorite shows. “Okay. The Dick Van Dyke Show, of course, I Love Lucy, Malcolm in the Middle, Bewitched, Family Ties…Wait, can I bring one more? I love–” 

“Sorry, Maximoff,” you cut off with a grin, causing her to frown. “Five per person, max.” 

“But-” she tries.

You shake your head. “Play by the rules, Wanda. Play by the rules.”

“I’m gonna get you back,” she says, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms tightly. 

“Don’t doubt it,” you respond cheekily. “But, I’ll get you a donut later to make up for it. How about that?” 

Wanda nods, satisfied with your answer and moves to stand next to you once more. 

***

“All right, moving on to the main event, Who Would You Do?” you announce.

“Present company excluded?” Bucky asks. 

“Um, no,” you shake your head. “Not necessarily.” 

Suddenly, a chorus of “Wanda” is heard from the entire crowd, and you look at the recipient seeing how uncomfortable she looks. 

“Okay, um, how about I finish explaining the rules first? Let me explain first–” you try to ease Wanda’s embarrassment, but suddenly, you’re interrupted by something you could have never anticipated. 

Well, who could ever anticipate Sam’s…colorful personality. 

“Everybody Hurts” by REM has begun to blast from Sam’s car, and you look to see him slouching completely lifeless in his driver’s seat.

You try your best to continue past the music. “Yeah, so we’ll get right to— you know what? I’ll be right back. Steve, can you take over for me? Thanks.” 

You run off in the direction of Sam’s car, ready to confront him with Wanda trailing beside you. 

“Sam?” You ask through the open window. Sam simply turns up the music in response. “Sam! Come on, Sam, use words.” 

Sam turns off the music aggressively. “Why didn’t I go to business school?” he asks angrily. 

You furrow your brows in confusion. “Who goes to business school?” you ask, looking over at Wanda who shrugs at you in response. 

“The intern,” Sam says venomously. 

“Peter? He does?” 

“Yeah,” Sam responds scornfully. “It’s all him and Tony talk about now. Tony saw a stupid yellow business school book in his car, swiped him from your game, and now Tony’s completely obsessed with him.” 

Wanda looks at you before speaking, “you know, I bet Peter thinks to himself, “I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekend.”” 

You bite your lip to hold back your laugh. 

“He doesn’t even know that I do that,” Sam rolls his eyes. 

“You should tell him,” Wanda says. 

“Oh, yeah, Wanda. Right. That’s gonna help things, just talk it out,” he scoffs. “I hope the war goes on forever and Peter gets drafted.” 

“Sam,” Wanda states gently.

“What?” you mouth to her through a smile.

She shakes her head at you with an equally amused grin. 

Sam puts his head into his hands. “Fine, I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t— just part of me meant it, okay? Besides, he’d end up being a hero, anyway.” 

You duck your head slightly to hold in the laugh that’s dying to come out. Wanda starts to smile too, looking away slightly to prevent being obvious. 

“You know what you should do,” you say past your grin, an equally amused expression on Wanda’s face. “You should quit.” You cover your mouth with the top of your fist slightly to hide your smile. “And then,” you turn to face Wanda, “that would stick it to both of them.” 

Wanda bites her lip tightly, trying her best to prevent from bursting out into laughter alongside you.

“No, Y/N, I’m not gonna quit,” Sam says completely monotone. “Then Peter wins.” 

“Yeah, you’re right,” you agree, facing Wanda who’s eyes are sparkling with amusement.

Sam puts his hand on top of both yours and Wanda’s, giving you both a grateful expression. “Thanks, you guys. I just need some alone time.” 

“Okay,” Wanda says softly, slowly backing away from the car. 

“Everybody Hurts” starts blasting again from the speakers, and Sam rolls up the window, slouching once more. 

You and Wanda slowly walk back to the group together, laughing loudly together as you finally release the pent-up hysterics you had both been trying to hold back. 

“God, he makes it so easy,” you exclaim. 

“I know,” Wanda grins. “But, we’re definitely still pranking him! I’m so looking forward to it, I have so many ideas I need to share with you. But, you know, after he gets over his breakup with Tony,” she starts giggling again. 

“I can’t wait, Maximoff,” you start snickering loudly alongside her once more.

But suddenly, your moment is cut short, as the source of your unhappiness makes its way in front of you two, and you both stop laughing slightly. 

“Hey, guys, what’s going on?” Vision asks, immediately slinging his heavy arm around Wanda’s shoulders.

“Nothing much,” you respond, shrugging as you put your hands in your pockets, feeling a bit out of place. 

“Hi, Vis,” Wanda says with a smile. 

“Can I hang with you guys for a bit?” Vision asks you both. “The warehouse guys can really be jackasses sometimes, you know?” 

You included, you think to yourself. 

But if he makes Wanda happy, then you’re happy.

***

Much to your secret dismay, you and Wanda have joined the group once more, along with her fiancé. 

“Come on, guys, you know the rules of the game, it’s called “Who Would You Do?”” Steve says in a bit of a frustrated tone. 

“Oh!” Tony claps his hands together. “Awesome, I play this game with my friends all the time. Where are we?” 

“Um–” Steve says. 

“Vision!” Tony points to the new company. “Who would you do?” 

“Oh, I got it!” Vision responds, and Wanda smiles lightly to herself. “What’s the name of that girl who’s always wearing black and has a huge bitch face? The red head?” 

Wanda’s face falls.

“My name’s Natasha,” Nat responds curtly, crossing her arms. 

Vision leans down to face Nat. “Hey, Natasha! I’m Vision, nice to meet you.” 

“You’re a dick,” Nat says simply, immediately leaving and making her way to her car.

Wanda looks down at her feet, feeling uncomfortable. 

“Hey?” you whisper to Wanda. 

Wanda hums in response. 

“Look at Sam,” you tell her, pointing to the figure in the red car, now going back and forth between banging his forehead onto his steering wheel, occasionally letting out honks, and banging his head agains the roof of his car. 

Wanda lets out a laugh, bringing her hand to her mouth in shock. She turns to look at you. “He’s gonna inflict brain damage or something.”

“Well, then he’ll have opened up a whole new world of pranks for us,” you shrug. 

Wanda grins, her spirits lifted from before. 

“Y/N!” Tony calls out. “You’re next. Who would you do?” 

“Um,” you pause. “Steve, hands down. You know, he’s got that cuddly thing going on, and because he’s prehistoric we could just watch bowling after.” 

The group laughs at your joke, Wanda included. 

***

The people playing the games had slightly splintered since Sam had run out of his car in an effort to find Tony’s phone, inside the burning office building, and in his words, simply to make him happy. A couple people got bored, and a few others decided to wait by the door of the building just to make sure Sam got out safely. 

Wanda was surrounded by a few of the female staff, who had decided to continue the game. 

“Definitely Y/N,” a bunch of them said simultaneously. “She’s really cute, and funny.” 

Wanda crossed her arms tightly across her body. 

“What about you, Wanda?” Jean asked. 

“Um,” Wanda looks around. “Probably Steve, too. For the same reasons as Y/N. He seems really nice.”

You’re on a phone call with Valkyrie, walking around the parking lot aimlessly. “Hey, where are you? Oh, good. Yeah, we’re just here, we’re playing Desert Island, five movies.” 

***

Sam had finally reconciled with Tony, after finding out the culprit of the fire, was unfortunately Peter’s cheese quesadilla. The boy looked horrified, and you tried to give him a reassuring look in an unfortunate situation. 

Suddenly, you were met with the sight of a silver car pulling into the parking lot, seeing it was Valkyrie through the windows. 

You walked up with a smile as she parked, rolling down the window to strike up a conversation. 

“Hey,” you greeted, smiling as you leant down to talk to her, her immediately grabbing your arm flirtatiously. “How are you?” 

“I’m good,” she answered, planting a kiss on your cheek. “It’s good to see you.” 

“It’s good to see you too,” you responded, smiling. 

“I’m hungry,” she says, referring to your lunch plans. 

“You know, I am too,” you agree. 

“Oh!” Valkyrie realizes, stepping out of the car. “I have been thinking, the whole way over, and I have my answers,” she shuts the door to the car. 

“What answers?” you ask. 

“For the desert island,” she says, leaning back against the car door. 

“Oh, right!” you say excitedly. “Come on.” You grab her hand and lead her over to the rest of the staff. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round, we have one more participant,” you announce. “Be polite,” you say, before turning to Valkyrie. “Desert island, five movies, go.” 

“Okay,” Valkyrie smirks. “First, Legally Blonde.” 

And suddenly, you’re met with the sound of Wanda’s laughter, as that was the guilty pleasure movie Wanda had told Y/N she liked when Bruce had announced it, only for you to tease her in response. 

Unfortunately, after Valkyrie has announced her movies, the crowd had mostly dissipated, and you turn to her apologetically. “Sorry, there was a bigger crowd last time, but you know, great movies,” you say, scratching the back of your neck slightly. 

“Don’t worry,” Valkyrie says, grabbing your arm and running her hand up and down your sleeve. “Wanna just go to lunch?” 

“Sure,” you agree. “Where are we going?” 

“I’m in the mood for Thai, does that work?” Valkyrie responds, getting into the driver’s seat. 

“Yeah, for sure,” you say, closing the door for her before making your way to the passenger’s seat. 

And Wanda narrows her eyes, ‘cause she knows you absolutely hate Thai food. 

Scoffing, she turns back to Vision, and grabs him by the collar before firmly connecting their lips.

You frown at the sight in front of you, and turn your head away.

“You okay?” Valkyrie asks, noticing your expression as you close the car door at your side. 

“Hm?” you respond. “Oh, oh, yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” You reassure, giving her a small smile past the ache in your heart. 

“Okay,” Valkyrie agrees, giving you a small kiss on your cheek before driving off. 

[thisaccountisagainstmywill]

BG3 Characters Safest Driver Headcanons

I've been thinking about that poll from months ago way too much, so I've pulled this from my drafts. In this essay, I will explain why Boo is the best driver. Astarion: Terrible. Absolutely terrible driver. He is doing his makeup with the visor down, looking at the mirror more than the road. Suspend your disbelief, he's driving in this universe. He can use mirrors. ♥ You have to grab the steering wheel, regularly. Without warning, the man twists around to find his purse in the back seat because he wants a different eyeliner than what he grabbed. You are on aux duty. He hates everything you've picked. 2/10, he lawyered his way into that license Gale: You would think he would be safe, but then you remember that Gale didn't pay attention in boring classes. And how hard could driving really be?? The man knows how to drive perfectly textbook. He also thinks he knows how to do it better than everyone else. He does not adapt well to poor drivers. The roads are full of poor drivers. He is yeling "Zipper!" at the merging traffic. You spend five minutes in the parking lot so he can find just the right song for the trip.

6/10, you will probably not die Halsin: The man drives slow, I'm sorry. He's fuel efficient as you can get with the windows down. He pulls over and stops traffic for ducks crossing the road, no matter what the current road conditions are. He stops to show you the new tree the neighbor got. He is a Yellowstone Park tourist. He wants to show you the world, one traffic-stopping mid-road parking job at a time. There is no music, we are listening to nature today. 4/10, you will be rear-ended with him and not the way most people want Jaheira: I stand by what I said last time: Jaheira reminds me of so many older women I know. She drives like she wants someone to start shit with her. She's so conditioned by having 5 kids fighting in the backseat at all times that every time she's behind the wheel she's having Vietnam-level flashbacks. Her blood is pumping in her ears. There is no road, there is only the red of her vision. She won't start the road rage incident directly, but by god, she will end it. (You tried to ask about music, but the look she gave you when asked killed the question.) 5/10, you make it to your destination intact. But at what cost? Your pants are a different color at the end of the trip than they were at the beginning. Karlach: Karlach is talking with her hands while she drives. She's fiddling with the radio constantly. You've blown four red lights. Three of them were the same red light because she took a wrong turn. She will not use GPS, she's got the vibe of where she's going. She was trying to show you something on her phone at the same time. It cannot wait. It was so good you have to see it right now. The tunes are so loud she hasn't heard the sirens behind her. 4/10, the tunes almost make up for it Lae'zel: You are helping her check her mirror distance before you get in the car. You are buckled in before the car even starts. You are not allowed to touch the light in the car if it is dark out. She was taught that it's illegal to have on at night and she takes that shit seriously. You are on blindspot-watching duty at all times. You're not allowed to have music on the in car, it is a distraction. 7/10, we are efficient, but we are miserable Minsc: Minsc cannot drive. Minsc was meant to drive today, but Minsc got into the wrong seat. We are all relieved. Jaheira trained him wrong on purpose and will kill you if you correct him. 0/10, don't even try. He will survive the accident, you will not. Minthara: Minthara, light of my life. She is gremlin cackling and riding bumpers the whole time. People are pulling off constantly to get away from her. You are white-knuckling in the passenger seat and are too afraid to let go of the bitch-bar. You pray her airbags are up to date because your life has not stopped flashing before your eyes since you got onto the road. We are exclusively listening to The Flight of the Valkyries. 7/10, it is shockingly efficient when no one else is on the road anymore

Shadowheart: I have been in many a 'Shadowhearts' car. The car is more of a problem than she is. She drives the type of car that makes people go, "You live like this?" She drives a manual. She was not trained to drive a manual. Almost every single dash light is on, the ones that aren't had their bulbs die out years ago. We don't know how old that trash is, but it lives here now. She has one of those cassette players that has to hook into your phone to come out the speakers. Good luck finding the right adaptor in the mess. 4/10, girl get your shit together Wyll: Wyll is the best driver, hands down...when he is alone. Like all things in his life, his greatest flaw is being too polite. He turns his whole fucking head to look at you when you talk because that is the polite thing to do. The road is secondary to how important your conversation and companionship are to him. And you can't not talk him! He's asking you genuine questions about your day because he's interested. You get to listen to whatever you want and he's totally down for it even if it's not normally his thing. He'll find something he likes about it. Alone: 100/10, he somehow makes everyone better drivers by just being on the road With you: 5/10, Wyll, please, look at the road. ;_;

Boo: My eyes are closed. It's better this way. We made it there in record time. I don't know how it happened. I don't need to know how it happened. ?/10, it's best if you don't think about it