#50 Q’s

[maerenee930]

4, 9, 11, and 48 for the 50 question ask game

aww, thank you so much for asking these ellie!! ☺️🩵

4.) which television series do you use as a form of escapism?

- so not so surprisingly lol, i have a quite a few series that i use as a form of escapism 😅 those series are the umbrella academy, the office, psych, doctor who, derry girls, misfits (but like tbh, just first two series cause i have a hard time with no nathan lol), supernatural, schitt’s creek, steven universe, russian doll, wandavision, quantum leap (the original series and the new one 🥰), bob’s burgers, gilmore girls, the haunting of hill house and altered carbon 😅🖤

(i’m sure there are probably a lot of other shows lol. but those were the ones that i though of like right away 💙)

9.) what is you favorite environmental season? why?

- summer. summer is my favorite 🥰 i love the sunshine, i love it being warm, i love being able to swim 💙 ooh or those days where you swim for hours and then when you get out of the pool and get dressed and then it hits you that you’re reeeally tired so you decide to take a nap, those are some of the best naps! and i usually take those naps in the summer lol. or i love being able to take a nap in the summer when the sun is shining through the window and laying in the warmth of the sun ☺️ i love the sun being out until after 9pm. i love how the sky looks when the sun does finally start setting in the summer. when it gets all pink, purple-ish blue 🥺 omg and i love being able to wear flip flops! i love how summer time makes me feel 🖤 i mean not everything is perfect or suddenly/magically better and all my problems are gone lol. but summer just gives me a little hope. there are more things i love about summer but i’ll leave it at that for now lol.

so my answers for the other questions are under the cut 😅 i realize that like always, i wrote a lot and don’t wanna make anyone have to scroll through all this if they don’t necessarily wanna read all of it lol

11.) what is one song that’s able to bring you to tears?

- so there are quite a few songs that are always able to bring me to tears lol. but one for sure is The Way by Fastball. (it always does and has since i was a kid. also. if you don’t know the song, i recommend looking it up. it is a good song and the lyrics are beautiful! it just breaks my heart.) ooh!! i also have to mention the song After All by Peter Cetera and Cher. (it’s my parents song/the song they danced to at their wedding and it always makes me cry 😅 idk totally know why it does, but it does lol. like no joke, i saw Cher in concert in 2019, and i had no idea she was gonna sing that song, and when she did, i was recording a video and crying while i sang along lmao!)

48.) which animal would you be the most terrified to encounter?

- there are a lot of animals i’m terrified of lol. idk if this is the one that i’m like the most terrified of if i were to ever encounter them but, i am legit very scared peacocks. like no joke, i am 😳😂 i am very terrified of them! like they let them walk around at the zoo and people will purposefully like mess with them and try to piss them off and they are sooo scary when they’re mad! but i always just assume they’re mad when ever i’ve gone to the zoo, so i’m just always very on edge when i’m at the zoo or if they’re in the same/general area i’m in lmao.

50.) what purpose do you get out of using tumblr?

- the purpose i get out of using tumblr is that it’s an escape for me. it’s where i can go to when everything feels like too much and i can let myself get distracted by all of the random, chaotic, funny, crazy and interesting things that are on here. i use tumblr as a place where i can indulge in my love for all of my favorite shows, characters, movies, musicians/bands, songs/albums and actors/actresses. where i can fangirl hard over those things with people and friends who love them just as much as i do 💙☺️ and i can let myself get distracted in the things that make me happy and it gives me a little break from my mind/anything and everything that’s going on.

i use tumblr/my blog as journal. this is somewhere that i feel safe and comfortable enough to get out my thoughts and feelings. i know/realize that journals are usually very private and most people use like actual notebooks or maybe the notes app on their phone and maybe not the internet 😅 but idk… i just feel like this is a safe place for me. this feels right to me to come here and use my blog as a journal for myself.

thank you so so much for asking these ellie 💙

i can’t tell you how much i appreciate it and you so much! this was a very good distraction that i really needed these past few days.

i hope you’re doing well and that things are going alright 💖

[sinfulpatata]

untitled

drawing them like this™ is very important to me

.

.

.

+bonus

it's very important to appreciate each other's...assets

[oldnewyorklandia]

Dave Heath. Horn and Hardart, 7th Avenue & 55th Street, 1958.

[cherryviscera]

my half of an art trade for @luckys

[yoimix]

「 botany for dummies 」

TIGHNARI wishes once in a while, and once in a while only, that his ears weren’t so obvious. 

the way they perk up at your name, twitch at the sign of your arrival and droop ever so slightly at your departure; tighnari feels uncomfortable. the movements are subtle, barely noticeable even by those closest to him, but they occur beyond his control nonetheless. as a researcher, though he disregards akademiya laws left and right, he believes this goes against his own code of conduct.

even if you are an old friend from sumeru akademiya who he had horrifically repressed feelings for. your refusal to leave him alone is like adding crushed harra fruit to a wound. it’s impossible to have peace of mind with you around.

you help him with the marana despite the rangers’ protests, you pick mushrooms for him to discern as sick or healthy, you bring him lotuses even if he never asked you to. to be honest, he’s flattered you remember his fondness of them. he could get used to this, he thinks to himself often on sunny mornings when you greet him grinning ear to ear. but parting is only inevitable in the flow of life. it’s hard to believe you’ll stay forever in sumeru, by his side in gandharva ville.

tighnari hates you especially when he’s sick. you don’t leave his side, stare at him longer than he can handle, and archons, you don’t need to touch his skin to map his temperature. he doesn’t need taking care of—and he’s not pretending to be strong, he just knows everything to make himself better. you don’t have to go out of your way; it’s incredibly stupid and time-consuming. even if the rainstorms worsen his sleep, even if the heat of day gets under his skin; why would he ever ask you to do anything for him? it feels strange to be taken care of.

tighnari gets up from his bed, still reeling from the sound of thunder. he clutches his head, a part of his senses dulling and heightening from the ringing. his ears bring certain curses. 

“whoa there! who told you to get out of bed?”

ah, yes, of course. another curse for his ears had to materialize in front of him. you sit across from him and cross your arms, glaring at him till he sits back down too. it’s good to know the little quirks of your body language haven’t changed since your akademiya days.

“you... you really don’t have to.” he frowns. “this isn’t your job.”

“i know, i know.” you hum, a smile sneaking onto your face. “but it’s time i repaid you for giving me free medicine and... hm, let’s see. lending me your notes, that one time you cured me after i ate a suspicious mushroom and- and letting me tuck my hands into your tail when it was cold, allowing me to pet your ears-”

he coughs loudly, his discontent clear. “you can stop talking once in a while, (name). it’ll benefit everyone around.”

you roll your eyes. “if i didn’t open my big mouth, you would’ve never realized you’re sick. you can thank me now, pighead.”

tighnari makes a face. “you’re also the reason i ingested a poisonous mushroom.”

“that’s unimportant.”

he shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“here,” you say, shuffling through your backpack. “nilotpala lotuses. i was right about your diagnosis!”

“you don’t know that,” he quips. “these lotuses can be used as medicine against a variety of ailments.”

“but these work, don’t they?” your eyes widen, brimming with genuine concern.

“yes.” he responds far too quickly. he can’t help it. “you have to soak them first and then extract the nectar under a presser- not now, (name).”

you sit back down, pouting. “but you need to get better! as fast as you can, tighnari. i don’t like seeing you like this...”

tighnari sighs, eyes closing. “i will. it’s not like one mushroom will have me coughing up blood... at least not this one.”

you bite down your lip and tighnari can’t help but tilt his head to the side, trying to decipher your whole expression.

“tighnari,” you speak up, not looking at him. “we’re friends, right?”

“yes. obviously. do you need official documents stating our friendship?”

tighnari expects a bit of snark from you right back—instead, he is met with your sudden embrace, your breath warming the spot by his neck.

“why did you have to eat the mushroom on my behalf?” you whisper. “i made that bet with the eremites, you know? it was stupid tavern talk.”

it’s not the worst thing you’ve done drunk. however, tighnari steps in each time with no questions asked. he realizes once again how obvious his feelings are and how restrained he is, unable to tell you just so. you’re too dense to understand the language of flowers, so even a gift of a sumeru rose would pass over your head. you’re quite literally the worst person to fall in love with.

tighnari believes time settles everything. then why does he feel so impatient with your actions?

“why did you make that bet, stupid?” he answers, his arms wrapping around you nonetheless. 

“well... you know how i’m saving up?”

there’s a pause. are you hesitating?

“i want to... i want to travel.”

tighnari falls silent. he knows you cannot forever be his partner, journeying through the rainforests and surveying nature’s infinite wonders. you’ve expressed a longing for something else. he cannot deny it.

“do you want to leave?” he asks quietly. “i know being a researcher isn’t rewarding enough and... it’s hard to quantify knowledge. but...”

he trails off. there’s a spark of sorrow in his voice.

“i want to see more of the world,” you answer softly. your smile against his shoulder makes his face warm up. it’s not often the head of the forest rangers gets to feel this way. “but i don’t think i want to do it without you.”

his ears twitch before perking up. if you weren’t as observant as a shroomboar, you might have noticed. 

“well then, you need to change your habits. don’t go around making bets, or diving onto a mushroom to jump higher, or touching and eating whatever plant you find,” he scolds. “i can tell you which plants are edible. i can teach you how to set up camp. you must listen to every instruction.”

“tighnari?”

“i’m saying, when the forest is healed, we can set out by ourselves.”

the last drop of rain patters outside his door. who knew the cure to a mildly poisonous mushroom would be the embrace of a loved one? perhaps those foreign fairytales you read to him had some meaning to them after all. perhaps the two of you would get to know soon.

(no, alright. that’s not true. he needs those nilotpala lotuses right now before he faints from overheating.)

[mikaikaika]

VOTE NOW

[splishy-splash]

how high can one stack splishes

Depends on how windy it is!

[tinyq]

Moonlit hugs.

[portuguesedisaster]

Hey Portuguese Tumblr:

Feliz 25 de Abril🌹

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

(end of bad’s Acceptance vod, about 1:48:30)

no but im never going to be normal again. LOOK at this. look. IMMEDIATELY before this he gave a whole miserable speech at the graveyard about how much he misses the kids and how he wants them to come home. He was grieving so hard it started to rain. He cried while he sang to them. It was the perfect end to 5 days of grieving- and then he does this.

and the rain isnt about grief anymore- the thunder isnt a peaceful background to a heartbreaking scene. It is rage. the whole context changes. The storm raged on while he grieved like he raged during the Everything Else that happened (“there are a lot of federation workers on today. I need to interrogate them about some things” he said while he was following forever ALONE to distract him. he knew forever was fucked up and about to put more marriage pressure on him and for anyone else that would have been Terrifying. how could you focus on anything but that? but. bad was thinking about tormenting more federation workers)

i just!!!! its so good. its SO good its so scary its so good. bad hasnt accepted the loss of his children but he has accepted how far he will go to get them back. (he will do anything)

[aesthetic-gem]

at the end of today it truly was miscommunication and q!bbh’s paranoia that won out in the end. i know this is a whole new place now, purgatory. but q!bad has always had an air of paranoia about him on quesadilla island and that hasn’t gone away just because he’s allowed to ‘let loose’ now. in fact i can’t blame him for being worse when two teams full of his friends had actively been hunting him for a few days. just when he’d thought they’d worked hard enough to win, another team would sweep it out from under them. so when he thought there was a possibility for green to surpass them last second, when he promised dapper he’d do anything for the win. he pushed those buttons and hoped it was the right call. bc there was no way in the hells he’d trust the others to keep it even or lose it all

[ssomepersonn]

multiplayer is maybe the best idea anyones ever had

[slime-hoe]

Stranger Summer Week 9

Alternate Meeting/ Where it all started + Sapphic Hellcheer

Short fic to come in the mean time enjoy some mood-boards for our girls and the covers that Inspired me.

(Two covers of Dirtbag I think are great below)

[haveyouseenthishorrormovie]

SUMMARY: NYPD detectives Shepard and Powell are working on a bizarre case of a ritualistic Aztec murder. Meanwhile, something big is attacking people of New York and only greedy small time crook Jimmy Quinn knows where its lair is.

[mokutone]

your art makes me wanna start testosterone

i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!

i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.

i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)

It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!

It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.

it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.

having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).

i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.

how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)

when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)

it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"

I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.

(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)

(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)

[vintageadsmakemehappy]

1956 Q-Tips advertising