#5:00 PM

[hosttos]

There's one class I'm taking this semester that is actually making me reanalyze my whole life, it's called Digital Electronics 1, doesn't sound very exciting (and it isn't), yet my experience with it has been nothing short of surreal, like The Twilight Zone surreal, it may not seem so from what I'm about to tell, but I'm currently considering the possibility that the devil's messing with me for funsies.

The first couple of classes were as normal as they could be, from time to time this weird geeky teacher would say some things I didn't understand, however pretty much everyone else in the class seemed unphased by them so I didn't think much of it at first. As weeks went by I couldn't help but notice it happened more and more frequently.

This class also has a lab component, which has never been my strong suit, but in this case I thought it'd be much easier since pretty much all work would be on the computer and not an actual lab. It was hell. First two classes or so were meant to install special software in our computers to control a FPGA board (a board whose hardware you can manipulate via software through your computer), I could not for the life of me follow a four step tutorial on how to do it. The tutorial was as good as a tutorial can be, or so I think, but ok the second step I was already losing my mind: files that were supposed to appear didn't exist, lines of code in my computer were blocked for some reason, packages were asking for money even though I had a license already, etc. This went on for two weeks.

After having to talk for hours with the lab assistant I ended up with an erased hard disk running only Linux on my ONLY computer (as opposed to having a half partition for Linux and half for Windows, what it was supposed to be) but most of the required software was running just fine, I thought this was acceptable, nothing I could complain about since I was already two weeks behind on the required lab reports, the teacher said he was flexible with the established dates so I didn't worry much.

When I actually started reading the lab guides my second personal hell started, I understood in full everything I was supposed to do but had absolutely zero idea on how to do it, I gave it a couple of hours at home to try but got nothing from it, before giving up I thought maybe if I was THAT lost I wasn't the only one struggling with it, so I waited for the next class before trying again. I was, apparently, very wrong.

Next class for some reason everyone was having trouble. To be precise, they were all having a problem I did not even understand, and they all had easily overcome the trouble I was having when they faced it. I was so embarrassed I had to wait for the class to end to ask the teacher for help, which she very happily did: she pointed out what was wrong with the hardware description (fancy talk for "code"), manually corrected some things that were keeping my software from running correctly (which I should have noticed) and gave me some general advice. I was so embarrassed to admit I didn't understand any of what she said that I just thanked her and left.

I started sleeping less, some nights I would try to make a sense of what she told me and I could make nothing of it, nada, nothing at all, I understood all the individual words that made up the advice she gave me but the sum of them made no sense in my mind.

Non-lab classes were good though, I understood all the theoretical components and all the topics covered, although from time to time the teacher would zone out for a while and say some truly insane shit I couldn't even begin to grasp the concept of, but since these didn't seem to affect the over all course of the class and I seemed to be the only confused one, things went by just fine.

As weeks went by I got more and more embarrassed just walking into that lab, every week at home I thought I finally made some progress just to find out my labmates had done thrice my work in half the time. But the worst part is how I just stopped understanding anything at all in that lab room, the teacher would explain something and everyone just kind of nodded in agreement for hours at a time, I felt dumber at the end of every class. I tried asking friends, they seemed as cursed as the teacher, with all the goodness in their hearts they'd start explaining things to me but at that moment my brain would lock completely and no knowledge could come in, I could tell they meant well, they were very nice too, and explained in very simple terms, it is absolutely clear at this point the problem is me.

I spent most of my class time wondering how all these people understood so well a programming language none of us were familiar with. They just went along with it, it was easy for them, and it seemed easy too, none of the reports required more than 20 or so lines of code to work. But once I stared at the screen for one hour trying to understand what the first 10 lines of code meant, I saw YouTube tutorials and Reddit forums looking for help, but it just didn't click.

I finished 4 lab reports in 8 weeks, a true miracle considering I didn't understand most of them. The remainder of the semester is to be spent making a project based on all we learned, and as such, the lab teacher would only be available for advice regarding the project. I tried to be optimistic about this.

First class that was meant to be spent solving problems about said project (a Tamagotchi). I went in with the hopes of asking for help but when I saw some of the other projects and how advanced they were I died a little. Some people asked some questions that seemed so much more advanced than mine I just couldn't bring myself to ask, I'm normally not so shy about asking teachers for help but this was different, my question really seemed like an offense to ask at that point. I felt the strongest need to leave that room I had just walked into five minutes prior.

At this point I feel like I'm truly losing my mind, I can't walk into that class and not feel I'm the dumbest person in the room, sometimes I even feel they're all aware of it too, I don't think it's the way they look at me, because as I said they're all very nice, but I can't help but feel they are all acting like they don't notice the toddler in the room that wants to act like an adult.

I couldn't take the psychological damage I was getting from that class so I started working on the project at home, not nearly as fast as I'm supposed to but I got some things accomplished eventually. When time came to test things I was not so surprised when nothing worked.

I made several attempts to get things running without any success at all, a few weeks went by and I finally asked for help from a classmate. She lent me some code and, fascinatingly enough, her code did exactly the same thing as mine, the only difference being hers does work. So I tried her code on my computer and, surprise, it didn't on mine. I'm absolutely certain all my components work (because I had to replace some) and my computer and the board both work fine because I actually ran stuff from the labs on it, so no reasonable explanation so far.

Once again I feel like the universe just fucking hates me, and the fucker knows where to hit me for maximum effect, I see that fucking code in my dreams, I can't sleep at night thinking about it, there is a leprechaun living on my walls changing my connections and ruining my code everytime I look away as a running joke for an audience I can't see. It's going to be the last thing I see before I die, I know for sure.

This class is nothing different to what I have taken before, the required courses to take the class I passed with high grades even, it can't be such a jump, and it isn't apparently. Most people seem okay with this class, some of my friends have taken it already and said it was a pretty tame experience?!?but I'm on the verge of insanity and nothing a person in that class says can seem to help me in any way. I'm truly on the verge of something fundamental in me changing, I don't want to know what and I especially don't want it to happen.

[lovemehatemex0]

Went to the gym early so I can be in sweatpants all night

[kittykatninja321]

Happy Father’s Day, Jason Todd and Rose Wilson are out somewhere day drinking together right now

[tomscryingcorner]

INTRODUCING NOW -

THE PRINCEZAM SHIMEJI!!!!!!

DOWNLOAD HERE

INCLUDING THREE (3) SPECIAL BONUS ACTIONS (!?!?!) , MANY MANY UNUSED FILES, AND A LOT OF LOVE !!!!!!!

HERE ARE THINGS TO DO WITH YOUR ZAM!

GRILL HIM

PUT HIM IN SAW

PUT HIM IN SAW. AGAIN

create hell with him inside

think about abyss again

scroll tumblr with company

AND MUCH MUCH MORE !!!!

DOWNLOAD HERE ASWELL!!! PLEASEDOWNLOAD HIM HESNOTMALWARE IPROMMYYYYYY

art by yours truely, coding by @celestinecerasus !! love you lav (prommynorommy ❤)

[accio-victuuri]

wang yibo @ lacoste paris fashion week 🧡

[sombrathedragon]

Day 73 of drawing random Wof dragons from the wiki…

Tundra!

“Tundra is an adult female IceWing princess who was introduced in Winter Turning. Along with being the widow of Prince Narwhal, she was formerly a warrior of the First Circle and is an advisor to Queen Snowfall. She currently resides in the IceWing palace and is a member of the IceWing royal family.” -The WOF wiki.

Reblogs mean more than likes!

[star-on-a-beach]

*smiles at my queue*

[will-ruadh]

.

[francesderwent]

ughhhhh have to do laundry but what I actually want to do is go the fuck to bed

[your-local-grinning-cat]

I made the mistake of pranking Time by setting all his clocks back by one minute and he got mad at meeeee…

Now he’s messed with all of my clocks - including my internal one - and I have no idea how Time is Timeing.

I have no idea what time it is or what time is going or where time is going or if I am in the right time or if time is moving forward or backward or side to side or if I am even in the correct time or if Time is messing with me even more and didn’t do anything but just messed with my clocks to make me think he did something and…

But then I got an ask that implied an event that I don’t think has happened in this time but could have happened in a future time but due to Time being petty maybe it happened in a past time and I am late to the current time and I am all out of my current time and I am going around the clock far faster than I would normally be allowed by Time but Time is having quite the laugh at my expense!

I SAID I WAS SORRY, TIME!!!! 😿

I ONLY MOVED YOUR CLOCKS BACK BY A MINUTE COME ON! IT WAS AN EASY FIX FOR YOU! YOU ARE LITERALLY TIME! WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE CLOCKS?! THIS IS OVERREACTING A BIT, DON’T YOU THINK?!

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[the-shy-artisan]

returned to my roots this halloween: i dressed up in my werewolf costume and sat on my front porch. i'd move slowly like an animatronic, then if someone asked if i was real, i'd move suddenly. i stood up a couple of times when teenagers least expected it and sent them running down my yard lol

[sersi]

currently sitting in the dark because my cat is asleep on my lap and if i get up to turn on the lights she will Activate and begin the daily Feed Me Dinner screaming and harassment hours 🤪

[lovemehatemex0]

You should’ve just seen me trying to make popcorn in the microwave.

[northwestofinsanity]

First full day back at my apartment up at vet school, and I found out this morning that my 8 year old Keurig that my cousin gifted me back when I started undergrad had finally bitten the dust… after three hours of troubleshooting, giving it up at noon, and only now getting my coffee fix at 2:00 PM, RIP.

[namesarehard123]

Today was the first day of Journalism bootcamp and I'm already so excited for Newspaper to start!

We learned a lot of stuff, but especially stuff about interviewing and it's just

I'M SO EXCITED

[camelspit]

how am i expected to have hobbies when there is homework