#5 again and another 10 hr shift tonight

[citrine-elephant]

the fact that callin out of work bcuz im tired isnt usually a valid excuse like..........

[jungshookz]

kiss me at midnight; myg

➺ pairing; min yoongi x reader

➺ genre; ceo!y/n x secretary!yoongiverse!! sfw!! fluff!! the title says it all!! this is the moment we’ve all been waiting for!! 

➺ wordcount; 8.1k

➺ summary; y/n finally musters up enough courage to tell yoongi about her i-know-i’m-your-boss-but-i-have-non-boss-feelings-for-you feelings. 

➺ what to expect; “careful, secretary min… i might have to give you a raise if you keep sweet-talking me like that.”

                                      »»————-　♡　————-««

“let’s see… the decorators are coming at 2, the caterers are coming at 6:30, the DJ is coming at 7…” yoongi reads out loud as he goes down his checklist, “the bartender sent over the special drinks menu which i emailed to you this morning, and- ah, right, the caterers mentioned that they were able to switch the mini hot dogs to sliders instead-”

“oh, that’s great! mini hot dogs just don’t carry the same level of class as teeny little hamburgers…” you narrow your eyes slightly as you clasp your hands in front of your face, tapping your fingers against each other, “what about the chocolate lava cakes?”

“mhm, don’t worry, those are on the menu as well, as per your request,” yoongi pauses, “ah- the people bringing the photo-booths are coming to set them up at 5 - we’ve already cleared out the space for them, so that should be good to go… also, are we putting a limit on photos?”

“a limit?”

“yes, a limit,” yoongi looks up at you and shrugs, “there’s only so much film and it wouldn’t be fair for one person to take ten photos and for another person to not have any at all.”

you immediately scoff before dismissing yoongi with a flick of your wrist, “silly yoongi, you can’t put a limit on fun. just tell them we’re willing to pay for extra film and for one of their workers to hang out at the party and wait until the booths need refilling.”

“there.. is no limit… on fun…” yoongi mutters to himself as he continues to scribble notes down in his notebook, “and… that’s it!” he clicks his pen before tucking it back into his shirt pocket, “pretty much everything has been taken care of. if all goes well, this’ll be a fantastic new year’s eve party.”

“yay!” you throw your hands up into the air before leaning back against your chair with a giggle, “this is so exciting. i love throwing parties!”

“and i love planning parties...” yoongi hums absentmindedly, looking back down at his list, “so i guess we make a pretty good team...”

“teamwork makes the dream work, right?”

“mm.” 

a couple seconds of silence ticks by as you scour through your brain for a new topic of discussion

you could... talk about the weather? 

or maybe ask him what he did over the weekend?

ask him about what he did on christmas day?? 

“so…” you clear your throat, smoothing your skirt down before folding your arms on your desk and leaning forward slightly, “you bringin’ any... hot dates to the party tonight?” 

wow

that was... not an ideal topic of discussion 

also, way to sound like a creep! 

“me?” yoongi glances up at you and tilts his head slightly, “well, i’ll be with you.” he pauses, dark brows knitting together, “did you… want me to bring a date?” he shifts in his seat, “i’m sure i can arrange for someone to accompany me if that’s what you want.”

“no!” your eyes widen and you shake your head quickly, “i mean- no, i was just- you know, i just- usually you have a plus-one that you bring to parties and, like, i’m sure that you probably had other new year’s plans that didn’t involve being at the party your boss is throwing- i’m just saying that perhaps, if you were planning on actually bringing someone, i just wouldn’t want to be a cock-block-” 

you’re cut off (thankfully) when yoongi’s phone suddenly starts to buzz on your desk

he extends his arm and catches it right as it’s about to fall off (which, admittedly, shouldn’t have been as hot as it was, but yoongi could be sitting there doing nothing and you’d still find it attractive) 

he holds a finger up pardon himself and you nod before leaning back a little

“hello? …oh, perfect. yes, i can come and pick them up now…” yoongi trails off, sandwiching his phone in between his ear and his shoulder before pushing his sleeve up a little to check the time on his watch, “i can be there in… roughly half an hour? yes. alright. perfect. see you soon.”

he hangs up with a beep before looking back over at you, “sorry about that! your dress and heels are ready for pick-up. what were you saying before my phone went off?”

“hm?” you clear your throat, “oh! uh… nothing. i was just- you know, small talk. but you can go now if you want to- i mean, obviously you need to go and pick up my outfit for tonight so i’ll just let you go-”

“alright, perfect-” yoongi nods and gets up from his seat, “i shouldn’t take too long but if anything comes up, just call me-” 

“yep! you got it, homie-” you shoot finger guns at yoongi before quickly forcing your arms down and shoving both your hands in between your knees so that they won’t do anything like that again 

your face flushes bright red as soon as the door shuts behind yoongi and a quiet groan slips past your lips before you smack your forehead down on your desk 

jesus

that... was rough, to say the least! 

sure, you fumble over your words whenever you talk to yoongi on a regular basis, but it’s never usually this bad... 

what’s gotten into you today?!

maybe it’s just the pre-party jitters! 

“get it together, y/l/n.” you mutter to yourself, patting your cheeks lightly before pulling your laptop towards you and opening it up 

if there’s anyone who can get you get your shit together, it’s hoseok

Y/N Y/L/N (10:12AM): help me

you perk up when hoseok responds almost immediately, your laptop letting out a little ping! from his message

you have half a mind to scold him for not doing work and being on the company’s messaging system but you dO need to talk to him right now so 

Jung Hoseok (10:12AM): What did you do this time

Y/N Y/L/N (10:12AM): nothing!! idk what’s wrong with my mouth today i’ve never called anyone homie in my entire life 

Jung Hoseok (10:13AM): ?

Y/N Y/L/N (10:13AM): you had to be here to understand :-//

Jung Hoseok (10:13AM): Okay well

Jung Hoseok (10:13AM): I don’t know what I’m supposed to say now

Y/N Y/L/N (10:13AM): can you just come to my office because it’s too much to type out

Y/N Y/L/N (10:13AM): and bring me an iced coffee from the vending machine while you’re at it because yoongi left to pick my dress up

Jung Hoseok (10:14AM): Let me get this straight

Jung Hoseok (10:14AM): You want me to stop working and you want me to go to your office so we can gossip about Yoongi

Y/N Y/L/N (10:14AM): gossip sounds bad

Y/N Y/L/N (10:14AM): ‘discuss’ sounds more professional

Jung Hoseok (10:14AM): …

Jung Hoseok (10:15AM): See you in ten minutes lmao

                                     »»————-　♡　————-««

“you asked him if he was planning on bringing a date to the party?!” hoseok laughs, leaning back against the chair before folding his arms over his chest and shaking his head, “wow. what, are you going to help him plan his wedding too?”

“don’t say that!” you groan, rubbing your fingers against your temples in tight circles, “i was just trying to start a conversation… i don’t know...”

“start a conversation? about what? about encouraging yoongi to be with someone who isn’t you?” 

“keep up the attitude and i’ll reduce your lunch break from one hour and fifteen minutes to one hour and fourteen minutes.” you raise a brow in warning, hoseok gawking before wagging a finger at you 

“i’ll report you to HR for abuse of power!” he jokes, his smile faltering when he notices that you still have that mopey, kicked-in-the-gut look on your face, “okay, think about it this way: this party couldn’t have come at a better time, you know? because now you know exactly what you have to do!” 

“huh? oh, right.” you nod slowly, “yeah, of course i know what i have to do at tonight’s party.” you snort, pulling away from your desk and sitting up straight, “but... you know, just to make sure that you know what it is that i have to do, would you mind telling me what exactly we’re saying i have to do?”

“y/n. come on.” hoseok presses his lips together before leaning forward, “what do people usually do at new year’s eve parties?” he asks gently, in that infuriatingly condescending tone that people usually use when they’re talking to children

“people share their new year’s resolutions with each other?” you hum, thinking back to the new year’s eve party you were at last year where you ended up talking to a very friendly bartender about all the plans you had in mind for the new year 

hm

you can’t help but wonder how he’s doing 

“well, yeah, but not quite what i had in mind-” hoseok shakes his head, “what else do they do?”

“they... sing karaoke really loudly?” you frown before letting out a gasp, “oh no! i didn’t think of that! do you think it’s too late to rent a karaoke machi-”   

“wow, i really have to spoon-feed this to you-” hoseok slaps his hands against his thighs before letting out a huff, “a new year’s kiss, y/n. does that ring any bells?”

“oh, right! i forgot about that part,” you chuckle lightly, tilting your head back against the top of your chair to look up at the ceiling, “but what does that have to do with-” you pause, head snapping back down to look at hoseok with wide eyes, “oh, you’re saying that i should- with yoongi- hoseok, i can barely look at yoongi for five seconds without breaking eye contact-” 

“why not?! its new years! you have to have someone to smooch when it’s midnight. even i have someone to kiss!”

“wait, who are you kiss-” 

“and you know what the best part is?” hoseok grins, “you have an excuse to get super drunk tonight! and a drunk y/n is a slightly more confident y/n-”

“oh, i can’t- i can’t ask him, no.” you chuckle nervously, your hands suddenly feeling a little clammy at the thought of asking yoongi to kiss you, “because then he’s going to feel like he has to kiss me because i’m his boss, and the next thing you know, i’m being called up to HR-” 

“you’re overthinking this again, y/n,” hoseok sighs, “don’t forget the fact that i caught him checking you out at the halloween party. you have to admit that he’s slightly interested in you.”

“that’s different!” you argue, your brows furrowing, “i was dressed as a sexy friggin’ bunny, for god’s sake!”

“and tonight, you’ll be dressed as a sexy friggin’ boss! the only difference is that you won’t have a little cotton tail and two bunny ears-”

“i don’t know…”

hoseok rolls his eyes at your doubt and resists the urge to get up and slap you across the face to get you to come to your senses

you can’t expect anything to happen between you and yoongi if you’re not willing to do something about it in the first place

he can’t even list out how many times you guys have had similar conversations that always end in you chickening out and changing your mind

you were supposed to make a move at the halloween party but you ended up bailing on the plan at the last minute and hoseok had to listen to half an hour of you whining about it over the phone 

he adores you but sometimes he just wants to grab you and yell at you for being such a wimp when it comes to yoongi 

“okay, you know what? forget yoongi. i’ll be your new year’s kiss!” hoseok teases, leaning forward before wiggling his eyebrows enticingly, “maybe if people see me canoodling with the boss i’ll finally get the street cred i deserve-”

“you know, i don’t know if i’ve reached that level of desperation quite yet-”

“i’m a great kisser, so it’s your loss...” hoseok kisses his teeth, raising his hands in defense, “anyways, just try not to overthink it. take a deep breath, relax, and hopefully you won’t point any more lame finger guns at yoo-”

“-ooou’re fired!” you stand up and slam your fist down on the desk the moment yoongi steps into the room, hoseok jolting at the sudden announcement, “you are fired, my good sir! you heard me loud and clear!” 

yoongi’s eyes widen slightly and he presses his lips together before stepping aside and lowering his head  

“what the hell are yo-” hoseok glances over his shoulder and it dawns over him when he spots yoongi standing by the door, “oh! oh. uh, okay. yes... i am... devastated...” he clears his throat as he rises from the chair slowly, “please... give me a second chance? i... won’t do it again?” 

you blink, pulling down your blazer slightly before giving him a curt nod

“...okay, but this is your last chance. next time, you’re really fired.” you clear your throat, sitting back down before gesturing towards the door, “you may leave now, mr. jung.” 

yoongi nods in acknowledgement when hoseok walks past him and he waits a couple of seconds before speaking up 

“sorry. i didn’t realize you were busy because the door wasn’t closed all the way.” he smiles sheepishly, raising the garment bag in his hand, “i just wanted to put your dress in the closet for you.” 

“yes! go ahead.” you smile, gesturing towards the closet before sitting back down in your chair 

“by the way, i passed by that breakfast place on the way to the laundromat-” yoongi pauses, glancing over at you on his way to the closet, “you know, the place that makes those BLT bagels you like so much?” 

“ooh, with the spicy mayo and the avocado?”

“mhm-” yoongi smiles, shutting the closet door gently and turning to face you, “they do chocolate chip waffles now and i thought maybe that’d be something you’d be interested in for future breakfasts.” 

“oh, no way!” your eyes widen in excitement, “i’m very interested in chocolate chip waffles for future breakfasts!”

“that’s what i thought.” he chuckles, making his way back towards the doors, “anyway- i’ll be out there if you need me, boss.” 

“mhm!” 

you immediately get up from your chair as soon as yoongi leaves the room 

you told yourself that you were going to wait until tonight but you’ve been thinking about your dress all week and you wanna see it now!! 

“dress, dress, dress-” you murmur to yourself like a maniac, your heels clicking against the floor as you jog over to the closet 

you push down a squeal of excitement after unzipping the garment bag and getting a good look at your outfit for tonight

you spent hours searching for the perfect dress and it was totally worth it now that you’re looking at it  

it’s a navy blue midi-length dress that sort of cinches in at the waist but the skirt itself is relaxed so you don’t need to worry about your legs being constricted 

there’s also a high slit in the skirt which is exciting (you had to shave your legs yesterday which wasn’t as exciting) 

and it’s a long sleeve dress but the sleeves and sheer and billowy but cap around your wrists 

it’s classy but also a little sexy but not like your halloween playboy costume level of sexy

you’re still not sure what possessed you to dress up as a playboy bunny but even you have to admit that that little black dress looked great on you 

you zip the bag back up before pushing it aside to sneak a peek at the suit that yoongi will be wearing to the party 

he asked if he could keep his suit in your closet and obviously you said yes because it’s yoongi 

your eyes light up when you notice something peculiar about his outfit 

it’s navy blue as well!! 

the corners of your mouth lift in a wide grin, your heart skipping a beat at the thought of you and yoongi (unintentionally, but still) wearing matching colours tonight 

heh 

                                    »»————-　♡　————-««

“c’mon, stupid thing...” yoongi frowns to himself as he struggles to tie his tie

he’s been at it for the last ten minutes and it seems like his gummy worm fingers aren’t going to be useful anytime soon 

and it probably doesn’t help that he’s using his phone camera as a mirror instead of going to the bathroom to use the actual mirror

he doesn’t know if it showed this morning but he’s been a nervous wreck all day! 

he practically zipped out of your office as soon as he had the chance to and he just hopes that you’re not suspecting anything 

it’s just that as each day goes by, he gets more and more conflicted over what to do about his feelings for you 

this wasn’t supposed to happen!

when he first realized that you liked him, he was flattered and admittedly it was a nice stroke to his ego knowing that his boss was interested in him, but he didn’t know it’d turn into this 

he didn’t know he’d end up liking you back 

this is a disaster! 

he’s not supposed to like you back!

he already tried forcing himself to stop liking you but if anything it’s made things worse

he thought your schoolgirl crush was sweet at first and then one day he found your poor excuse of asking him to stay after hours to help you re-organize your pens was cute and ever since then it’s gone downhill 

like the other day when he was eating lunch with you - you took the paper sleeve that holds the chopsticks and you folded it into a makeshift chopstick rest and gave it to him to use and,,. he’d have to be crazy to not find that wildly endearing

yoongi lets out a huff and leans back against his chair as he looks at himself on his phone screen 

“good going, moron.” he grumbles to himself before lifting his hand and flipping himself off, “you and your feelings.”

of course, it’s not technically a... bad thing that he likes you back, right? 

...but what’s everyone going to think?

he knows that he’s on the list of people getting the christmas bonus (because he helped you type it out) but what if people think he just slept his way to the money?? 

oh, god

that’s not who he is!

this is too much to think about right now 

he just had this suit pressed and he’s not about to ruin it by nervously sweating in it 

he’s just going to enjoy this party with you and then deal with his feelings later!  

future yoongi can handle it

present yoongi is just going to enjoy the ride B-) 

“whatcha up to?” 

“-!” yoongi jumps and scrambles up from his seat when he hears your voice all of a sudden, “y/n! sorry, i didn’t hear you come out of... your... office...” he trails off, voice softening slightly as he takes in how beautiful you look in your dress 

obviously he already knew what you were going to wear because he was the one who picked up your outfit from the dry cleaner’s but... it’s a different experience actually seeing you in it 

beautiful 

there’s really no other way to describe it

you look... beautiful. 

“i don’t know why on earth you’re wearing a tie to a party.” you snort, eyes flicking down to the tie hanging loosely around his neck, “this isn’t a business meeting, yoongi.” (you decided it’d be best to take hoseok’s advice. no overthinking - just relaxing! and it seems to be going well...) 

“oh.” yoongi snaps himself out of his daze before shaking his head, “i… i don’t know why, either. i guess i’m just used to wearing a tie.”

“well, i say ditch it - you know, let loose a little! it’s new year’s eve, after all.” 

before yoongi even knows it, you’re stepping towards him and sliding the tie from his neck in one swift movement before tossing it onto his desk

ᵒ ᵍᵒᵈ

you even smell pretty 

he freezes when you reach up to undo a couple of buttons on his shirt, his hands gripping the edge of his desk so tightly that his knuckles are stark white 

“there we go!” you smile, fixing yoongi’s collar before nodding to yourself, “much better. also, do you think you can help me with my heels? i put them on already but the little buckles are flimsy and i can’t do them because of my nails.” you raise both your hands before wiggling your fingers 

“mhm, of course.” yoongi steps aside and gestures towards his chair, “take a seat and i’ll take care of them for you.”

yoongi’s chair squeaks slightly as you sit down on it and you make a mental note to get him a new one 

...maybe you should get everyone in the office new chairs to make your crush on yoongi less obvious

hm

lots to think about

“so, do you think anyone’s going to have fun tonight?” you ask quietly, leaning back against the chair, “i’m nervous.” 

“i’m sure everyone’s going to have fun, y/n,” yoongi lowers himself onto the ground so that he’s down on one knee before raising your leg so that your foot is pressed against his chest, “they get free food, free alcohol, and there are fun 2021 party hats and stupid 2021 glasses to match. what’s not to love?”

“me. i’m the part they don’t love.” you snort, propping your elbow up on yoongi’s desk before leaning against your fist, “i’m gonna take one step onto the rooftop and immediately ruin the party somehow. i bet the dj will stop playing music and his records will make that awkward scratchy sound.”

“don’t be so harsh on yourself…” yoongi scolds, tucking the thin strap into the buckle and giving it a little tug to make sure it’s nice and secure before lowering your foot gently, “besides, if anyone looks at you weirdly, i can just call security and have them escorted out of the party.” he tuts, smiling up at you as he lifts your other foot 

“ooh. careful, secretary min… i might have to give you a raise if you keep sweet-talking me like that.” you joke, pushing the ball of your foot gently against yoongi’s chest teasingly

“oh, yeah? i wouldn’t be opposed to that, boss…” the corner of yoongi’s mouth twitches in a side smirk as he slips the other strap into place, “alright, there we go! heels are nice and secure.”

he gets up from the ground, dusting his knee off before extending his hand to help you get up from his chair, “ready?” 

“as ready as i’ll ever be...” you reach for his hand only to pause, your nose scrunching slightly as you pull away, “i don’t know. let’s think this through. do we have to go to the party?”

“well, you are the host.” yoongi points out, “and i planned the whole thing! do you know how hard it was to arrange for a karaoke machine on new year’s eve?” he frowns playfully, “you can’t bail on me like this.” 

“i guess...” 

“listen- whenever you want to leave, just let me know and i’ll grab the entire plate of sliders, a crisp bottle of champagne, and then we’ll head back down here to eat, drink, and watch the fireworks from your office window.” yoongi tilts his head, his hand still out for you to take, “deal?” 

“...throw in the chocolate lava cakes as well and we have a deal.” 

                                   »»————-　♡　————-««

“wow! you really outdid yourself, yoongi.” you nod in approval as you look around, “look at this place!” 

you never even knew the rooftop had the ability to look like some trendy upscale bar that sells cocktails for $30 each 

“hey, if this secretary thing doesn’t work out, maybe i could become a party planner.” yoongi jokes, lifting his glass up with a smile

“you know, i really think you could.” you clink your glass against his before taking a sip of the bubbly champagne, “by the way, you don’t have to hang out with me all night. you’re allowed to go and mingle with your coworkers.” 

“i know.” yoongi hums before his nose scrunches slightly, “but every time i talk to them, they’re always gossiping about something and i think gossiping is unproductive.” 

“wha-” you gawk, your lashes fluttering, “you’re telling me that you’ve had access to juicy office gossip this whole time and not once have i ever heard any of it??”

“i mean...” 

“you have to tell me something. i’ll take anything!” 

you grin excitedly when yoongi gestures for you to come in closer 

“jungkook and tzuyu had sex on the photocopier by the supplies room.” he blurts out quickly, clearing his throat before taking a sip of his own champagne, “but you didn’t hear it from me!”

“they- what?!” you gasp in shock, jaw practically dropping to the floor, “they did?? during work??”

“no, it was after work!” yoongi shakes his head, “i think you had a meeting across town that night which is why we weren’t here... otherwise we... probably would’ve heard it but- it’s on the CCTV security cameras and everything. of course, since the photocopier is kind of out of frame, you can only see their lower halves-”

“well, then how do you know it was jungkook and tzuyu??” 

“their shoes! and jungkook’s socks. he’s the only one who wears bright purple rubber-duckie socks to work.” 

the two of you turn to look at jungkook across the rooftop and you blink before looking back over at yoongi with a pout 

“that’s my favourite photocopier.” you mutter, “i hope they didn’t get any... fluids inside of it-”

“gross! why would it be inside of the machine?!”

“i don’t know! people go crazy during sex sometimes!” you raise your hands in defense before clearing your throat quietly, “okay, but seriously, i feel like having vigorous sex on a piece of office equipment is definitely violating something so i might have to bring them in for a little chat-”

“ooh, can i be there when you scold them?” 

“absolutely-”  

“miss y/n?” you jump in surprise when someone taps your shoulder gently from behind

you glance over your shoulder to see joy before smiling politely, turning around fully to face her, “joy! what’s up?”

“i’d like to talk to you about something, if that’s alright - do you have a moment?” 

“oh! um, of course-” you pause, turning to hand yoongi your glass, “let’s head over there for some privacy. what’s on your mind?” 

“it’s just... you know, regarding past comments i may or may not have made about you-” she chuckles uneasily, “seeing as you still have to figure out who’s getting christmas bonuses this year, i thought that-” 

yoongi bites back a grin when you turn back to look at him with pleading eyes and he shrugs helplessly before raising his own glass at you and downing the rest of the champagne 

                                  »»————-　♡　————-««

yoongi’s never been a huge fan of parties mainly because he’d much rather enjoy a bottle of champagne and full-sized burgers in the comfort of his own home 

he really only started going to parties once you became CEO of the company and he wasn’t left with a choice because he was worried that you’d fire him if he didn’t attend any of these festive celebrations 

he likes to think that you’ve opened him up to new experiences, helping him become a better human being overall 

:-) 

“hey!” yoongi chokes on his tiny burger patty when someone gives his back a hearty slap, “i’ve been looking for you everywhere! i have a bone to pick with you, min yoongi.”

yoongi’s brows furrow in confusion when it’s hoseok that plops down on the bar stool next to him 

“what-” yoongi swallows his bite before giving his chest a couple of pats to help get the masticated chunks of meat down smoother, “what did i do??” 

hoseok opens his mouth to say something before pausing, eyes flickering to the side as he reconsiders what he’s about to say 

he’s a little tipsy thanks to the open bar so he didn’t really think this decision through but he’s here now so it’s a little late to back out 

you explicitly asked him not to meddle but he feels like if he doesn’t do anything, then you’ll never do anything and you’ll just go to the grave keeping your feelings for yoongi a secret 

does this count as meddling? 

he just has to find a way to steer the conversation towards the topic of you and yoongi and romance 

this might be meddling, now that he’s thinking about it

...

it’s fine! 

he’ll do it in such a subtle way that yoongi won’t even notice! 

“it’s not something that you’ve done. it’s something that you haven’t done.” hoseok clears his throat, narrowing his eyes at yoongi suspiciously, “do you like y/n? because she likes you.”

(not very subtle, but hoseok never likes to beat around the bush.) 

“woah-” yoongi’s eyes widen in surprise and he lets out a nervous chuckle before looking around, “ha, i- um- where did you get that idea from?” 

“you didn’t deny it.” hoseok grins in success, “so you do?” 

“i...” yoongi pokes his tongue against the inside of his cheek before he lets out a huff and his shoulders droop in defeat, “yeah. yeah, i do. ...but what does that have to do with you?” 

“oh, it has everything to do with me!” hoseok chirps, clapping his hands together excitedly, “i’m here to give you advice!” 

“yeah, okay,” yoongi immediately scoffs and rolls his eyes as he turns back to pick up his drink, “no offense, but i don’t think i should be getting advice from the guy who was almost fired today-”

“oh, please, i wasn’t getting fired when you walked in.” hoseok raises a brow, “we were talking about you before you barged in so y/n obviously panicked and changed the subject to make it look like she wasn’t going all goo-goo-ga-ga over you-” 

“what? you were- y/n was talking about me?” yoongi perks up, his interest in the conversation suddenly reigniting, “really?” 

“she’s always talking about you,” hoseok points out, “don’t get me wrong - i love going to her office to talk about you instead of doing my work, but it’s exhausting! which is part of the reason as to why i’m willing to give you advice to get this show on the road.” 

“i don’t need advice, though.” 

“of course you need advice. if one of you finally made a move, i wouldn’t need to give you advice, but here i am.” hoseok gestures to himself before shrugging, “so... what’s wrong with you?”

yoongi scoffs in offense

that’s a little ruDE

“what’s wrong with me?”

“yeah. why haven’t you made a move yet if you like y/n back?” hoseok emphasizes as a reminder that this crush goes two ways and that yoongi can be blamed for the lack of action just as much as you 

“because... i can’t! it’s not that easy, man.” yoongi shakes his head, “i can’t just ask her out. she’s... like... she’s miss y/n.” 

“yes. and the sky is blue.” hoseok frowns, “i’m sorry, what’s the problem?” 

“she’s the boss!” yoongi snaps, glaring over at hoseok, “she’s our boss!”

“exactly! she’s the boss! if you’re going to date someone in the office, it might as well be the person signing off everyone’s paycheques at the end of each month-” 

“but you can’t- the rules!”

“what rules??”

“there are no rules! that’s why i’m so confused! i’m used to rules! that’s how the world works in my head! what the hell am i supposed to do now? go rogue?! i’ve never gone rogue before!”

“oh, god, who do you think you are? some secret agent? all you’re doing is asking someone out-”

“i can’t date y/n-” 

“give me a legitimate reason as to why you can’t date y/n.”

“i’ll be penalized!” 

“who’s going to penalize you?!”

“the boss of our boss!” 

“please!” hoseok groans loudly, throwing his head back in frustration, “you don’t think he’s goofed around with any of his secretaries?”

“okay, but this isn’t me goofing around with y/n, this is me... being serious with y/n!” yoongi presses his lips together, unsure of what to say next, “yeah. i wanna be serious with y/n.” 

“i promise you that no one cares about relationships as long as work is handed in on time and bags of money are being made.” hoseok hums, gesturing for the bartender to fix up another drink for him 

having this conversation about you with yoongi is just as exhausting as having this conversation about yoongi with you 

...

he doesn’t know if that sentence made any sense but all this alcohol is making the words jumble up together 

“well, okay, but-” yoongi chuckles nervously, turning and setting his glass down on the bar countertop, “then we’d have to make a file with HR declaring the status of our relationship, and then we’d have to talk about whether or not we want to keep things private or let the whole office know- oh, god, and what if it doesn’t work out? what if we break up? it’d be embarrassing after having declared our love for each other in front of everyone! and favouritism! don’t even get me started on favouritism! people are going to bag on y/n if they find out that i’m on the list of people getting a bonus! ...but, in my defense, even if we weren’t together i would probably still be on that list because i’m hardworking-” 

“yoongi-” hoseok interrupts, slapping both his hands down on his shoulders before letting out a sigh, “do you like y/n?” 

“yes.” yoongi answers without missing a beat, “i like y/n. a lot.” 

“okay. then that’s all that matters, right?” 

yoongi opens his mouth to respond but he pauses

huh 

that... is a fair point... 

it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks about his relationship with you 

what is it about alcohol that makes some people so wise?

“do you know what kind of a person you’d be if you just repressed your feelings and pretended that they didn’t exist at all? a coward, that’s what you’d be. because y/n is a fantastic woman and you need to hurry up and make a damn move before she realises she’s wasting her time on you and moves on to someone else who isn’t afraid to show their true feelings for her.” hoseok shakes his head gently before pulling away from yoongi with a nonchalant shrug and a snort, “but, you know - i’m drunk as hell and i’ve had nothing to eat so all the things coming out of my mouth righ’now could be complete and utter bullshit!” he hiccups, giggling to himself, “who knows!”

“well… what do you suggest i do?”

“what else do you do at a new year’s eve party?” hoseok’s head flops to the side, the over consumption of nothing but champagne suddenly hitting him like a brick wall 

“…share new year’s resolutions?”

“wha- god, you guys are truly the perfect pair- no, dumbass, you kiiissss someone at midnight.” hoseok slurs, “you already know she’s into you. and now i know that you’re into her so she’s definitely not going to oppose giving you a big ol smooch!”

“well, it’s-” yoongi pulls his sleeve up to check his watch, anxiety bubbling in his stomach when he realizes there are exactly twelve minutes to midnight, “oh, god.” 

okay

that’s fine!

it’s fine, he can work with twelve minutes!

all he has to do is 1) find you, 2) start a casual conversation, 3) somehow transition the casual conversation into a not so casual conversation about his feelings for you, 4) transition from the not so casual conversation to asking if you’d like to be his new year’s kiss, 5)- 

“i can’t pull this off in twelve minutes. i don’t know how i’m going to do this!” yoongi swallows thickly, turning to look at hoseok (who’s starting to doze off), “how the hell am i going to do this??” 

hoseok picks himself up off the counter, turning to face yoongi before a wide smile spreads on his face and a little gasp of excitement slips past his lips, “hey! i’ve been looking for you everywhere. i have a bone to pick with you, min yoongi-” 

“okay, buddy-” yoongi quickly reaches out to keep hoseok from toppling over, “you’ve definitely had one too many-” 

                                  »»————-　♡　————-««

ding!

yoongi steps off the elevator with a huff, quickly checking the time on his watch for the millionth time tonight 

he spent two minutes running around the rooftop like a headless chicken in case you were still up there somewhere 

luckily jungkook told him that he saw you leave the rooftop and there’s really only one other place that you’d be 

he makes his way down the hallway towards the double doors of your office, smiling in success when he sees that one of the doors is slightly ajar 

bingo! 

maybe it’s because he’s now confident about his true feelings for you, but he feels like there’s a spring in his step right now! 

(it could also be because of the liquid courage, but that’s neither here nor there.)

he pushes the door open a little to stick his face in, giving himself a mental high five as he sees you leaning against your desk with a flute of champagne in your hand, staring out the window 

“hey!” yoongi clears his throat, knocking on the door gently, “there you are.”

“hm?” you turn to glance over your shoulder, “oh, yoongi! yeah, hey.” 

“i didn’t realize you’d disappeared... i would’ve brought the sliders with me if i knew you were in here.” he jokes, shutting the door behind him with a quiet click, “everything okay?”

“ah, well. maybe next time.” you smile stiffly, turning away from him to look back out, “yeah, everything’s fine. joy practically talked my ear off up there so i just felt like i needed to get away from the party for a little while.” 

“you know, the fireworks are starting soon...” yoongi points out as he makes his way over to you, “you’re probably going to get better pictures of them up there than down here in your office.” 

“yeah, i know… but it’s also going to be very loud up on the rooftop and i’d prefer to start the new year off with working eardrums.” your nose wrinkles as you let out a chuckle, “also, i…”

“what?”

“i… i don’t know, i just don’t really want to start the new year awkwardly standing in the middle while everyone else is getting new year’s kisses.” you reach up to scratch the back of your neck before chuckling awkwardly, “that… makes me sound like a very bitter single person and i swear it wasn’t supposed to come off that way-” 

“no, i totally get it.” yoongi shakes his head as he wipes his hands on the side of his pants, “as a matter of fact, i kind of wanted to talk to you about something-”

“hold on, hold on- before you say anything, i-” you interrupt him, turning to set your glass down, “i, um- i have something that i wanna say to you as well. can i go first?”

“oh! yes, okay….” yoongi cowers down a little, pressing his lips together tightly, “is... everything alright?”

“yeah!” you nod quickly before pausing, “i mean, sort of. kind of. i’m… not sure if it’s going to be a good idea or not, but i just want to let you know that if you… you know, if you feel uncomfortable or something after i tell you this, you’re free to pack up and leave, you know? i mean, i actually already have a letter of recommendation written for you so if you wanna go off and work for someone else, i’ve already put in a lot of good words for you-”

“woah, woah-” yoongi raises his hands before letting out a chuckle, “i- while i definitely appreciate the gesture, you know i’m… not planning on going anywhere, right?”

“yeah, well… things change!” you clear your throat, gaze averting as you reach up to scratch the back of your neck, “things... change. i… don’t mean to sound so elementary school about it, but i…” you trail off, the little voice in the back of your head reminding you that this is your last chance to back out and not tell yoongi about your feelings for him

you’ve chickened out more than a handful of times, so what’s going to different about this time around?

you look up at yoongi and he blinks twice before offering you a soft smile, “you…?”

oh 

how are you supposed to back out when he’s looking at you like that?

and maybe it’s just because he looks particularly handsome tonight in his suit or because you’re all riled up on cocktails, but...

“i like you.” you blurt out, trying your best not to cringe or make any faces, “like… in a… romantic? way?”

yoongi’s eyes widen and the smile fades from his face, though you don’t have much time to process whatever reaction that was before he’s speaking up 

“you like me.” yoongi repeats, swallowing thickly before nodding, “in a romantic way.”

“yeah.” you shrug, “and i have for a while, but i just never said or did anything about it because i thought it was inappropriate - you know, because i’m your boss and around the time i started liking you was when we held that seminar for workplace harassment and i didn’t want to make you feel like i was harassing you or creeping on you or anything - a-anyways, at first i thought i was attracted to you solely because you’re hot in that broody, college skater-boyfriend kind of way and i thought it’d go away on its own, but then the feelings never went away, and then i thought that maybe this was just a more serious schoolgirl-type crush that would take time to go away, but then a lot of time went by and it still didn’t go away, so… here we are now, at the end of the year, and i… still have a huge, huge crush on you-”

“-i like you too.” 

“okay, cool, but i’m not done talking about-” you pause, your eyes flickering upwards, “wait, what?” 

“i like you, y/n.” yoongi breathes out with a smile, his shoulders visibly relaxing, “actually, i’ve known for a long time that you liked me and at first i was just flattered and admittedly i was a little cocky about it but then i... actually started to like you one day and- well, i didn’t want to say anything because- woah-!”

yoongi yelps when suddenly a paperweight is hurled in his direction and nearly whacks him in the face, “what the f-”

“are you kidding me, yoongi?!” you snap, slapping your hands down as you glare at him across your desk, “are you kidding me?!” 

“okay, i-i-” yoongi stammers, “i wasn’t expecting this reaction so i’m not entirely sure how i’m supposed to-” 

“you knew that i liked you this entire time-” you groan, reaching up to pinch the bridge of your nose, “and you knew that you liked me this entire time... and you didn’t say or do anything about it?!”

“well, why didn’t you do anything about it first?” yoongi exasperates, “you- you’re just as much at fault here as i am!”

“because i-” you laugh lightly in disbelief, “because i thought that if i told you that i liked you, that you would feel pressured into saying that you liked me back because i’m your boss! how would i know if your feelings were genuine or if you were just playing along? of course i couldn’t tell you!” 

yoongi chews on the inside of his cheek anxiously as you let out a huff before stepping away from your desk and heading over to stand by the window again 

“i...” he trails off, bending down to pick up the paperweight before setting it down on your desk gently, “i’m sorry that you... struggled with that... but... i think the important thing is that i do like you, y/n. i genuinely like you, and i was an idiot for not saying anything earlier... i let my doubts get in the way and...” he sighs, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, “i’m not good at- i’m not good at dealing with this kind of stuff and usually i just brush it aside and hope the problem goes away but i see you almost every single day so i couldn’t just brush it aside-” 

“yeah, well-” 

both of you freeze up when you suddenly hear the countdown chanting echo from up on the rooftop and yoongi feels his heart plummet to his stomach when he realizes he didn’t even ask if you wanted to be his new year’s kiss 

shit 

shit!

“i’m just-” yoongi shakes his head furiously, “i get nervous when there are no rules and there certainly isn’t a handbook for what to do when you’re attracted to your boss-”

10!

you let out a scoff as you turn to face him, “-and you think there’s a handbook for what to do when you’re attracted to your secretary?!-” 

9!

“i was a total coward for not saying anything sooner and i wish i did! i wish i kissed you at the halloween party!”

8!

“you- you wanted to kiss me at the halloween party?” 

7!

“of course i did, dumbass!” the name slips out of yoongi’s mouth before he even realizes it and he smiles sheepishly when you give him a warning look, “...miss dumbass.”

6!

“anyways,” yoongi coughs, “i-if you’re still interested, i’d really like to kiss you tonight if that’s okay-” 

5!

“wait, did hoseok put you up to this?” you narrow your eyes in suspicion before pointing to yourself, “because he told me to ask you to kiss me tonight-”

“yeah, he put me up to this because we both know that you certainly weren’t going to make the first move-”

4!

“how dare you?” you scoff, crossing your arms stubbornly, “i could make the first move if i really wanted to-” 

3!

“what?! that’s bullsh- oh my god, can we agree now to kiss first and then argue about this later?!” yoongi snaps, eyes full of panic at the thought of not making it on time, “please??” 

2!

“fine, but-” 

1- HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

you don’t get a chance to say anything else before yoongi swoops in swiftly to lean in and kiss you, warm hands quickly reaching up to cup either sides of your face 

the sound of people cheering and fireworks going off in the sky is nothing compared to the erratic thumping of your heart and the high-pitched ringing in your ears 

oh, wow

your lashes flutter as you feel yourself relax, your fists uncurling against yoongi so that your hands rest on his chest

you can feel his rapid heartbeat through his shirt and that’s all the confirmation you need to know that yoongi really, truly likes you back 

yoongi’s hands leave your face so that he can reach down to grasp your hips and pull you towards him, only for his arms to snake around your waist a second later 

your hands slide up his chest before your arms wrap loosely around his neck, feeling as though nothing else matters except what’s happening right now 

you’ve dreamt about this moment for so long but it’s so much better than you could’ve possibly imagined it to be 

and you’re not sure if it’s the copious amount of champagne that you consumed tonight but you just feel so warm inside 

yoongi pulls away (far too soon for your liking), his eyes lidded and hazy as he smiles fondly down at you, “happy new year, boss.”

you can’t fight back the wide grin on your face when he leans down to nudge his nose against yours, both of your hearts undoubtedly beating in time   

“happy new year, secretary min.”

❄️christmas with cee 2020 masterlist 🎄

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

why don’t you explore the rest of the library while you’re here?

or perhaps you want something shorter to read?

[magicforjournals]

The Green Dress (A Story About Loki) Chapter 3 : What a mess

Warning : Not really any. In the next chapters, we'll have more Loki and reader interactions.

Three days had gone by since Maria’s birthday party… since you shared a passionate moment with Loki in a dark hallway. It was all you could think about throughout your weekend, at the grocery store, grading history tests, having dinner and drinks with Nat - you just could not stop thinking about him. You also were not certain if you should tell Natasha about the kiss, knowing how she viewed him. Quite honestly, you were unsure about your feelings regarding that night, or him. All you knew was that every night since, you couldn’t help but touch yourself as you thought about his lips on yours, his tongue wrestling in your mouth, his hands gripping your waist tightly. You could still hear his voice, moaning and whispering your name. And to think that this God had shifted your entire world that night with a single look. How could that be? You had been in relationships before, had been attracted to other men before, but none of them had ever completely and utterly fucked up your universe as this man had. You needed to see Loki again, not only because you desperately craved his touch, but you undeniably had to figure out what your next move was going to be, and how he felt about you. Oh, what a mess you had gotten yourself into.

It was snowing when you walked outside that night, after a long day at work. Not that the phenomenon was uncommon for April, but you didn’t especially like the cold and desperately wished for summer to come. You were surprised to notice that it was already dusk out, how long had you been working tonight? You started to make your way towards your car, when you noticed a tall figure, leaning against the front of it. Steve.

“What are you doing here Rogers?” You sigh, as you approach him.

“Natasha said I’d find you here. Why do you work so late on Mondays?” He asks.

You knew that you did work late on Mondays, always wanting to get all your prep done for the week, early on, and that meant staying late. You didn’t know, however, that it had become a habit of yours, and certainly not something you thought your friends would’ve noticed.

“I just have a lot of work to do I guess,” You shrug, putting your bags in the trunk of the car, and walking to the driver’s door. “You didn’t answer my question though, what are you doing here Steve?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Steve says, standing in front of you.

“All ears,” you groan. You hated how he was tiptoeing around the subject.

“I changed my mind.” He announces bluntly. “I want you.” HE WHAT?!, you think, your body reacting to the shock.

“Y-you what?” You manage to stutter out.

“I want you, I want to be with you.” He repeats, holding your hands. You gasp and yank your hands away. “I know it’s a little late, but I can’t stop thinking about you. When I saw you Thursday night, it only made everything that much clearer for me. I want you to be mine, only mine.” He adds, getting closer to you, pinning you against your car.

You can’t breathe. This is all so sudden. In the past, you would’ve given anything to hear Steve utter those words to you, but now, with everything that had happened between the two of you, was it too late? Where was all this two years ago?

“Steve, why are you doing this now?” You whisper, thinking back to all the innocent flirting he had done with you before Natasha had intervened. “I thought you didn’t want any kind of commitment.”

“I know, I know.” He sighs. “I’m sorry, really. I was wrong. And when I saw you at the party, exchanging looks with Loki, the way he looked at you… it drove me absolutely mad.” He growls. “I can’t bear thinking of another man having their hands on you. I want you,” he says again before lifting your chin up and kissing you aggressively.

OH HELL NO. In what world does he think he has the right to do this? To just take what he wants? No. You put a firm hand on his chest and push him away, rage bubbling up.

“No Steve. You can’t do this.” You almost scream. “You can’t just come waltzing in my life after shooting me down and expect me to let you have me?! No. You just can’t do that. I don’t care what the excuse is, that you’re jealous because Loki and I LOOKED at each other or not. I look at a lot of people every day, you know? It’s unacceptable for you to think of me as something to own.” You’re absolutely furious now. All you want to do is get as far away from him as humanly possible before you punch him in the face, and you know you’ll break your hand if you tried. “I have to go.” You spit out as you open your car door.

“Wait,” Steve says, grabbing your hand again. “I made a mistake last time. I don’t want to let you go again.”

“You already did it once, shouldn’t be too hard.” You hiss at him, and get in your car, slamming the door in his face. Your blood is boiling as you pull out of the school’s parking lot, dialing Nat’s number.

“Hi, what’s up?” She asks, picking up almost immediately.

“He kissed me,” you say through your teeth.

“Holy shit!” Nat screams.

“Not now Nat, I’m absolutely fucking pissed. Where are you, I need a drink.” You say, hoping she’s at the compound.

“Home, I’ll get the wine out of the fridge.” She answers.

“Be there in 5,” you add before hanging up and speeding to her place.

You pull up to the gate, notifying F.R.I.D.A.Y you were here to visit Natasha. As you park your car, you take a moment to try and calm yourself down, quite unsuccessfully. You decide to get out anyways, grabbing your purse and making your way to Nat’s apartment. You don’t even waste time knocking, you just burst through the door, dropping your things in the entrance and making your way to the couch where you collapse, whining into a pillow you cover your face with. You feel Nat tap you on the foot for you to make some room on the couch, and you bring your legs up before setting them back in her lap once she sits down.

“Loki kissed me,” you announce, your voice muffled by the pillow still on your face.

In a fraction of a second, the glasses are on the coffee table, the pillow is gone and you’re being sat up on the couch.

“What?!” Natasha cries out.

“Loki kissed me at Maria’s party.” You repeat. “And well... I kissed him back.”

“Y-you… Loki… Ok, hold on” She says, trying to make sense of what you just told her. “How did this happen? You should’ve stayed away from him like I told you to. Did he force you? No, you said you kissed him back. How was it? Wait, it’s Loki!! ” She adds, all in one breath.

You’re blushing, you know it. You were never embarrassed to tell Nat these kinds of things, but for some reason, you were as embarrassed as a student that got caught cheating on a test.

“It happened by the washrooms, I was getting out, he was going in. We started talking, he asked if he could be honest with me, I said yes. He told me he couldn’t stop looking at me, that he liked how I looked in my dress. He asked if I was afraid of him, I told him I wasn’t, that I felt like he was probably cast aside as a child and was acting up now, and then he kissed me. And I kissed him back.” You’re talking so fast, giving Nat a rundown of those 10 minutes with Loki that you have yet to forget.

“Wow.” Is all that comes out of your best friend’s mouth as she leans back on the couch, absorbing all the information you literally just threw at her.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask, after a very long moment of silence.

“Oh no, I’m not mad. I’m … shocked.” Nat answers. “I didn’t expect that. You made out with a God! Oh my God, you made out with Loki!” She starts giggling.

You start laughing with her, grabbing your glass of wine and sipping on it. As you laugh together and get over the shock of the confession, she asks you for all the details of the kiss. As you’re rambling on about that night, she stops you suddenly.

“Wait, Steve kissed you tonight. What happened with that? How are you feeling?”

“He came to see me at school, I guess you told him I was there. He said, and I quote, ‘I want you. I can’t bear thinking of another man having their hands on you’. And then he kissed me. It was really rough, I pushed him away and yelled at him.” You reply, feeling the anger rise again.

“I can’t believe that! I see why you were pissed. You almost threw yourself at him two years ago and now he what… wants to claim you or something? What the hell is wrong with Rogers?” She exclaims. “I know I said I wanted you and Steve to date, but he can’t turn you down and expect you to wait around until he’s ready to date. That’s just insane!”

“Tell me about it. I don’t want to see him for a while,” you tell her.

“Understandable. I’ll try to keep you two apart the best I can. You hungry?” She asks as she grabs her phone.

You guys end up ordering dinner and talking about Loki and Steve for a while longer. She agrees that you are clearly infatuated with Loki and need to make sense of the situation. Although she might not revel in the fact it was Loki, she trusts you to be safe and smart, Natasha knows you wouldn’t do anything stupid. She also understands that sometimes, following your heart is what is best.

You get home a while later, having been dropped off by Maria who had been working late at the office. Nat promised you that your car and teaching material would be in the parking lot at school before you even got there. As you’re getting ready for your shower, your phone pings on the bathroom counter. Probably Nat just double-checking you got home safe. With half your body already in the shower, you grab your phone to check and your mouth falls open.

An email. How ridiculous was that? Did you really just send her an email? Loki can’t stop beating himself up, debating whether jumping off the Bifröst is a good option. You were the only thing on his mind lately, and he wanted to see you again. He didn’t know how to reach out to you. Thanks to Thor, he had learned which school you worked at and he had gotten your contact information. There were so many ways for him to talk to you, but he was afraid. Afraid of rejection. Never before, in his many years, had he been so taken by a mortal. He spent two days after meeting you - kissing you - trying to get you out of his head. He drank, lashed out, picked a fight in a bar too, everything he could think of to stop thinking about you. But the taste of your lips, your smell, the way you moaned under his touch, as soon as he was alone, all those memories came rushing back to him. He had to see you again.

He knew it was late, and that there was a very high probability you were already in bed, seeing as it was a school day, but he typed up an email regardless. After spending over 3 hours debating whether to email, text or call you, Loki settled on an email, thinking it would be more appropriate to reach out that way. He had been overthinking everything way too much, you drove him absolutely insane.

Good evening, I hope you are doing well, my darling. I, on the other hand, have been suffering. I must admit that I can not stop thinking about you. You are the only thing on my mind during my every waking moment, and at night, when I close my eyes, I can still feel you in my arms. I know this all may seem very forward of me, and I do apologize. Nonetheless, I need to see you again. Would you do me the honor of sharing dinner tomorrow night? Lovingly yours, Loki

[krshush]

Worked 5 hrs and then went to the high school graduation party of a younger, distant cousin today. We pulled in to the house atop the hill, debating which spot of vast grass to take as a parking space and I was 10 again at the sight.

Graduating cousin and the others who all used to play together were still barely chest high tall in my brain, except the youngest who was still knee high. So much younger than me clearly.

Except now, the graduate and the other gal are as tall as me, the boys even taller than that. The boy-girl twins are both 20 with jobs and college classes and no longer so much younger than me, the graduating cousin already had tattoos and friends I had never seen before, and the youngest had become the tallest and built wide like a linebacker.

The great auntie's house, where dad's extended fam always met, was as nice as I remembered, with its large rooms and saltwater pool in the back and a sun room full of plants that felt like magic and pastures and other pretty houses past the hills.

I stepped out of the car and I was 7 and pouting about grass stains on my jeans from playing, on the driveway I was 10 and following around my mom like a lost duck while she herself roamed outside the circles of the family, married in and not so approved of, I was 15 and swimming in the pool and hearing my dad, as he lounged under the dive board’s shade, tell me never to work night shifts like him while I counted faint freckles on my hands and tried not to think anything at all.

Graduate and her friends were a picture perfect image of Good Christian Teenagers who were a part of sports and clubs and well on their way in life. I am reminded dad's extended family are rich, successful, all the kids went to the same schools their parents did and started their lives young and as always, always, always, I wandered the different groups with little to say in any one conversation. I talked with one of the twins because he wondered about my retail job and I also mentioned dying my hair, but then I don't think I've seen them for a decade, there's a lot they missed when I lived hours and hours away for years. I didn't mention I don't drive, I barely mentioned flunking college. No one asked about my mom, or dad for that matter, as he slept the day away to go back to work tonight.

I hesitate to say I’m envious; I don’t dare wish away who I am to instead be another conservative blonde ditz with a husband and kids all before 25 in God’s image or some such, but I will admit to the bitter pill to feel like I’m behind, always, and a coward, always, for never knowing what I’m doing and never asking for help in this. Bitter that my parents declared bankruptcy, maybe even twice the both of them, while extended family all set up on this hill all with their nice cars and built-in pool and never once having to borrow a dime so they could eat at all.

It was still nice to see them, see that time had found them much as it has watched me. It’s still strange to feel like a horrible spy amongst people who watched me grow up in snapshots, an unprofessional spy picking at the buffet and unsure why I was assigned here in the first place.

I don't know where this is going. This is more of a diary entry while I continue my trend of reflecting on whatever my childhood was, and the bit of bitter on my tongue that kept me from dad and his family so long.

[vernonluver]

24 hrs - wong lucas

prompt- 24 hours with your secret boyfriend wong lucas 

word count- 1.9k

note- omg im posting hehe uhh theres no warnings in this besides so angst and theres literally no talking in this my bad homes

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5:00am

It happens almost every morning, you get a text from your boyfriend telling you good morning and how much he loves you. That he knows you’re asleep but somehow someway you’ll wake up from your deep sleep to text him back before his recordings start. You’ve been with Lucas for a year and for that year the only two people who know of the relationship are you two, and you’ve made it work. The sneaking around gets old and sometimes you feel like he forgets you exist, but he doesn’t, it’s quite the opposite actually. You’re always on his mind, when he’s surrounded by camera crews and his band mates the only person he can’t seem to forget is you. When these thoughts get too much the text at five in morning always comes and you feel the love from him pour through his words.

“Good morning my love, today the guys and I are filming for a variety show that I don’t know much about, hopefully that doesn’t bite me in the as haha. I love you so much and I hope your morning is wonderful despite classes. Text me when you wake up, I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you tonight. <333333”

7:00am

Your alarm never fails to leave you agitated, the shrill sound pissed you off beyond belief but you know that you have to make your eight am because if you miss another class your professor would kill you. You look at your phone to see Lucas’ text to you, a smile finding its way onto your tired face, he never failed to make you smile like a dummy. He was the love of your life and you couldn’t wait for the day you could tell the world. He made the gloomy days so much brighter with his loud laugh and contagious smile. You sent him a text back telling him about your plans for the day that you hoped his filming goes well and that you love him too. You drag yourself out of bed, your feet feeling a little lighter now that you’ve talked to your boyfriend, your eight am was waiting for you and who were you to keep intro to psych waiting? 

9:30am

Your first class of the day was over and you had an hour and a half to kill before heading to your second and final class of the day. You decide that feeding yourself would be best and you head to the cafe that had the muffins you loved so much. After a long day for Lucas you brought him a muffin from the cafe that sits on the edge of campus, it was a chocolate one, that was probably  the happiest you had seen Lucas in weeks. The muffin brought him so much joy you couldn’t help but buy one for yourself along with a coffee, you ate the food with a smile on your face.

12:30pm

Your class had finished for the day and now it was time to go have lunch with your friends, you were very lucky to have them. When you couldn’t see Lucas they always cheered you up, and they loved to go and eat lunch. They’re loud laughs always made your cheeks hurt from smiling so big. Half way through talking about due dates and horrible teachers your back pocket buzzes meaning you got a text. When you saw Baby<3 pop up on your screen you tried your best to hide the smile that was fighting to take over your face.

“I hope your classes went well today my baby, there is only a few more hours left of shooting and then I’ll be able to head to yours and give you all the hugs and kisses I want hehe. I love you, have fun with your friends!”

He was so sweet, so sweet it almost hurt you. Sometimes you felt like you didn’t deserve him, that he was too good and too pure. These thoughts didn’t have time to take over before one of your friends called you out for smiling at your phone, an eyebrow raised as if asking who is it that is making you blush. You hope the excuse of a picture of your dog from home will trick them once again.

2:30pm

You smile at your coworkers and greet customers as you walk into the small coffee shop you work in, It wasn’t the best place to work and the pay kind of sucked but it payed the bills, and that is all you could ask for. The four hour shift felt like it could last for forever when you know that Lucas would be at your house in just a few hours, he just couldn’t seem to leave you alone today. He invaded very thought you had, you wondered if he would like the new drink your cafe had been promoting, or what he would think of the things you’re learning in class. He followed you around like a shadow but without actually being there. Lucas had you so sidetracked today that you accidentally called out his name instead of a customers, you were so embarrassed you couldn’t look the guy in for the rest of the time he was in the cafe.

6:30

You leave the cafe smelling like coffee beans and sugar, the smell almost too sweet. You were so excited to see Lucas you almost forgot you needed to pick up dinner for the both of you. Thai food, you loved it and he couldn’t seem to eat enough of it. The wait wasn’t long and soon you were on your way to you apartment and texting Lucas that you were off work and picked up food. He texted back a few minutes later saying that he had just gotten back to the dorms and to give him another hour to sneak off. You smiled at the text and sent him back some hearts. Before you knew it you were at your apartment.

7:00pm

Once you’re home and the food is in the microwave to stay warm you hop in the shower to get the smell of coffee off of you. You text Xuxi that you’re home, that the front door is open, and that your roommate isn’t home. The shower doesn’t last very long and soon you’re changing into shorts and one of Lucas’ shirts, somehow it still smells like him even after being in your house for so long. You see a text from Lucas ten minutes ago saying that he’s about twenty minutes away. You put some night cream on and try and dry your hair as much as you could.

7:25pm

You heard the door open and shut and then foot steps sounded into the kitchen where you stood. You turn around and a huge smile took residence on your face. Lucas was covered in black from head to toe, even a mask adorned his face. Your legs moved before your mind and soon you had your arms around his neck and you were pressing kisses everywhere his mask wasn’t. His laugh flooded the apartment and his hands pulled down the mask and he pulled you closer to him so he could finally kiss you. His lips were soft, as they always were, and his grip was tight on your waist. It had been a few weeks since you last saw each other, and the desperation in your kisses and touches expressed that wanting for the both of you. Soon you both break away, breathless but the hunger you both felt was over powering. You both sat down, the thai food in your laps and you both talked about your days. Lucas told you about all the dumb ass games the host made all the boys play and you told him about the ridiculous amount of homework your psych professor assigned you. Every so often between bites he would lean over and kiss you, once, twice, maybe three times just to hear you laugh and feel you on him. You ached to have this every day, not just once every few weeks when he could seek out of the dorms. You had to wait, and you understood that, but it didn’t make it any less painful.

8:00pm

You told Lucas to go shower and take his makeup off, you knew he couldn’t be comfortable in his skin tight clothing that the stylist always put him in. While he showered you cleaned up the kitchen and tried your hardest to push away the sadness that was slowly filling your chest. You didn’t want him to leave, you wanted him to always be with you and stay in your arms, no matter how selfish it was. He is you baby and you never wanted to let him go. When he got out of the shower, now in clothes that he kept at yours just in case, you laid in bed. His chest was against yours and his head was in the crook of your neck. You could feel his breathing matching up every time you ran your fingers through his dark hair.

9:30pm

You two decided that you wanted to watch We Bare Bears. You find comfort in the show, and he found it funny. He found ice bear super funny, you swear you had never seen him laugh as hard as he did when Ice Bears drone got smashed by the subway. His laugh sounded like music to your ears. Lucas kept kissing you, leaving small pecks all over your face, neck, and shoulders. He never wanted to leave your side.

10:30pm

You’re both tired, but neither of you want to sleep. You don’t want to leave his arms and he would rather never have another shooting if it meant he got to spend the rest of his time like this. How he was able to spend the night with you, you didn’t know, but you didn’t question. After the TV was turned off and you two felt sleep creeping up on you, you realized you didn’t know the next time you would see him. You decided not to focus on that but on the fact that the love of your life was in your arms. You focused on his breath hitting the side of your face and how the sleepier he got the more his hands would twitch indicating that he was getting closer to sleep. You kissed his cheek and told him you loved him, he groaned in response but you knew what he meant.

5:00am

You woke up to Lucas pulling the covers over your shoulders and him kissing you on the top of your head. When he saw your eyes open he smiled down at you, telling you to go back to bed and that he would text you later and to enjoy your day. You smiled up at him and let out a raspy “I love you”, he giggled and told you he loved you too. He left the room after many more kisses and you closed your eyes, trying to get a few more hours of sleep before your classes for the day start. You’re almost asleep when you hear your phone go off. You roll over and beam at your phone seeing a text from Xuxi.

“I know I just left you but I wanted to tell you how much I love you again, thank you for staying with me when I know this situation is hard, only a few more months before we can tell the world about our love. Have an amazing day at uni and pls don’t forget to eat and do your homework. I’ll talk to you later my baby, I love you<3333”

[morimess]

Work rant

You know what sucks...a 12 hr shift at a nursing home with low staff and an almost certainty that everyone in your set has COVID, but because the tests we took (over a week ago, when results usually take 48 hours) haven’t come back, management doesn’t believe it necessary to give you proper PPE.

Before this, I’ve had to wear the same paper gown for 4 days- ask someone to come to work where they clean shit and piss, then have them not wash their clothes for that long because it would be a waste of resources (surprised we didn’t have a c. diff outbreak, but hey least of my worries now).  

I had to wear the same paper mask for 5 days- could say it isn’t as bad, but a lot of what I do is in rooms 75+ degrees, and breathing in 5 day old bacteria is a good way to give yourself a sinus infection at the very least.

Oh yea, and when I say “short staffed” I mean I had 12 rooms tonight...that would be 24 patients if our census was at max.  That’s 24 people to make sure are clean, dry, the bed isn’t soiled, they don’t get sores, they get turned every 2 hours, they all have ice, they all have clean gowns on, they all get in bed by their preference but still before night shift comes in, and putting on a performance as if nothing is wrong.  As if your not angry/ about to break down/ have to take a deep breath after every patient because your anxiety DOES. NOT. LET. YOU. STOP. COUNTING.

Every night I count.  It’s constant.  I count how many patients I have left to check.  How much time I have per patient.  Usually a good night is 10 minutes per patient, per round (I can usually do 3 rounds, better than most, but still not enough to turn everyone every 2 hours).  But what about those who need more time?  The call lights, the constant feeling that SOMEONE is disappointed in you for not meeting their needs.

BUT WE HAVE NO SUPPLIES TO MEET THEIR NEEDS WITH!!!

It has been a fight to find linen these past 3 days AND they took the hall carts away, so the whole first round is a back and forth from the linen room to the patient’s rooms.  The person who was in charge of stocking our supplies like diapers, gloves, and wipes has a family member who tested positive, so they’re out until god knows when.  “They need two people to change them” Yea? Well we only have two people working the whole floor, so looks like I’ll strong-arm them myself.  They need time to sit and talk to them because THEY ARE STILL HUMAN BEINGS THAT NEED BASIC HUMAN INTERACTION, AND SHOULD NOT BE STUCK IN THEIR ROOMS ALL DAY EVEN WITH COVID.  I only have 10 minutes.

I just feel tired. My knee is acting up (if I keep pushing, it’ll pop out again), dehydration/ low sodium cramps are racking my legs right now, I probably have COVID and am spreading it all around the facility because THEY CAN’T KEEP ME IN THE SAME SET FOR MORE THAN TWO DAYS!!!!

It seems like residents are dying left and right in the facility.  It makes it even worse when they haven’t seen their families in....4 months now (we locked down the facility in March).  I just....

..

..

OH YEA- TO THE STUCK UP WHITE LADIES WHO ONLY LIKE AND WORK WITH ME BECAUSE I’M “wHiTe AnD aCt LiKe It”-

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PICK A NURSING HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF PETERSBURG IF YOU ARE RACIST?!?!?!  90% of our census is POC and 95% of the workers are too.  Could’ve gone to PG or CH.  They offer the same level of care with more choices of aides you can be choosy with.

I go in for another 12 tomorrow.  Wish me numb.

[fuck-customers]

OH BOY. Tl;dr at the end cause this is a long one filled with a bunch of cursing. I have 4 managers, one is the store manager, and the other 3 are just general managers. One of them, who I'll refer to as R, is a lazy fucking bitch who "delegates" instead of ACTUALLY DOING HER FUCKING JOB. So tonight, Sunday Oct 7th, I'm doing my job as a meat clerk, waiting for customers and packaging their meat. It's around 6:30 pm, I'm waiting for customers, and this bitch R comes out and goes "I need you to sweep the entire floor in the store, plus the back room and the vestibules." BITCH. B I T C H. WHAT THE FUCK. I am a MEAT. CLERK. I have NEVER swept the entire store floor before, and in fact, that is a MANAGER'S job when there isn't a grocery clerk around (who, just by the fucking way, YOU SENT HOME BECAUSE YOU TOLD HIM THAT THERE WASN'T ENOUGH NEED FOR A GROCERY CLOSER TONIGHT). Also, I have my own fucking closing duties to do, and I don't have TIME to be sweeping the ENTIRE fucking store. Anyway, my meat cutter is just like "just do it, it's not worth it to argue right now." So I sweep the entire store, come back and help a few customers. It slows down just a little bit, so I go help the bakery closer do some of her duties, since she has to package cookies and stuff for tomorrow. Here comes fucking R with a rag and a bottle, hands it to me and says "Go clean the glass on the sliding doors, then come back here and do the plastic windows on the back room doors." I am literally standing there like "um, what???" because I have NO CLUE what she's talking about, and she kept trying to explain it badly, until the bakery closer was like "I think she wants you to go clean the windows for her." And R thrusts the bottle and rag in my hand and walks the fuck away. Meanwhile, the bakery closer and I are standing there like "what the fuck happened???" because how this works is that I clean my own counters and glass, then go help bakery, then start pulling the meat/seafood from the cases. This literally threw off my entire routine because what the fUCK. BUT WHATEVER. SURE. I clean the fucking glass, and now until it's time to pull the meat, I start hiding in the freezer so that way R can't assign anymore duties. My bad ankle was killing me, and I was starting to get a major headache from the chemicals I was using. So I go out to check the case to see what else I can stock up, and she just happens to walk out from the back room and spots me. As I start walking away, she goes "There's a buggy full of items by register 1." I just looked at her, because HUH?????? And as she's looking at me expectantly, she just goes "so go stock up the cold cases by the register with it." W H A T?! EXCUSE???????? I figure hell, she's probably not realizing that I'm actually doing something right now, so I just respond with "Oh, I was just about to stock the bacon and chicken before we needed to pull it so that way morning shift doesn't have to stock it." And instead of letting me go do my thing, she just stands there and looks at me. And I just look at her like "can I go?" And she just KEEPS looking at me expectedly, like she expects me to drop everything to do whatever the fuck she wants me to do. We stood there for a good 10 seconds just looking at each other before I finally just said "I... guess? I can? Do that too?" And this bitch, she just goes "Oh good! The buggy's by register 1!" And walks the fuck away. Also, did I fucking mention that I have NEVER done ANY of these duties before??? Like, EVER. I don't even know what fucking products GO in the fucking cold case!!!! And again, this is a MANGER'S JOB especially since she sent the GROCERY CLOSER HOME!!!! By this point, it's close to 7:30 pm, and I need to be done by 8 so that way I can take a quick bathroom break and be able to start doing a final wipe down of the counters by 8:15 and start pulling the meat case by 8:30. So I basically run over to the case, start stocking the shit into the case however I think it's supposed to go, and just leave the buggy since I have no fucking clue where the back stock goes. I figure one of the front end closers probably can take care of it. By this point, it's 8:05 and I start running to the back room to go to the bathroom (I'm not allowed to use the customer's bathroom, if I get caught, I get written up). On my way, R stops me and says "what are you doing?" I just say "I'm running to the bathroom for a quick bathroom break and then going back for a final wipe down of my department." AND THIS BITCH. THIS. FUCKING. BITCH. SHE HANDS ME ANOTHER CLOTH AND A DIFFERENT BOTTLE AND GOES "No you're not. Take these and wipe down the back room table. Make sure all the papers are stacked neatly." AND JUST WALKS AWAY WITHOUT WAITING TO SEE IF I COULD. So here I am, doing the pee dance, finishing with that stupid back room table at 8:30. It's too late to do a final wipe down of the counters in my meat department. So I just go to start pulling the seafood bar, which has 6 trays of various seafood salads, dishes to clean, and counters to wipe. As I start pulling out the plastic wrap, R walks up to me and says "you did the cold cases wrong. You're supposed to have 2 rows of (insert 5 various drinks here) in both cases. Go fix it." AND WALKS THE FUCK OFF AGAIN. Now, you might be thinking "why didn't you just say sorry, I'm busy"? Well, the reason being because if I don't do what she says, I get written up, and I get docked an hour's pay for each write up. This bitch, R, she is such a fucking lazy manager that she does this all the fucking time, where she just picks a random worker and gives them all her managerial duties. I have no clue how she became a manager, but she did, and she's the worst fucking one. And if I go to HR and report her, they don't do a damn thing, and all it results in is I get called a snitch because you HAVE to give your name and store id number to make a complaint. And after all of this bullshit tonight, I finally finished my closing duties in the meat department, clocked out, and went up to the front to wait for R to let me out (I'm not allowed to unlock the door and just leave). R stood there and watched me clock out, walk up to the front door, and she came over and said "I need you to go block the shelves in the grocery aisles." I took so much pleasure in saying "R, I'm clocked out. I cannot clock back in. Let me out the fucking door now, I would like to go home." I may get a write up tomorrow, but at this point I don't fucking care. TL;DR: Bitch of a manager pushes all her managerial duties onto me, the meat clerk who has had this job for a month and a half, after sending the grocery closer home early, then watches me clock out and asks me to do stuff off the clock. I tell her no and go home where I scream in my car out of frustration.

[mkyujji]

Reason #154 of why my boss is a dick

I have breathing issues.  My doctor hadn’t managed to isolate specific causes before she moved (and I ended up with one of those assholes that thinks all women exaggerate their medical issues for drugs), but she did note that it presented with asthma like symptoms and that prescription inhalers are often helpful in treating those symptoms.  I’ve been on albuterol inhalers for years now and I have a special rescue inhaler for those really bad attacks.

I used to have to use my regular inhaler two or three times a week and my rescue inhaler about once a month before an allergy screening revealed that at least half my problems were allergy related.  (Turns out I am extremely allergic to radishes. *sad face* )  

Now that I’ve tailored my diet away from my allergens, I only need it once every few months.

Tonight was one of those now rare nights where I needed my inhaler.

It did exactly what it was supposed to do.  The pains in my chest stopped, I could breath properly again, and I just carried on about my day per usual.

Except that after I got to work and started my shift, I suddenly found myself with a different set of symptoms.  Dizzy, shaky, overheated, faint.  I haven’t had those symptoms in relation to my breathing issues since long before I started using inhalers and they were usually anxiety related and came with a slew of other symptoms.

My co-workers were concerned and our security department decided that safe is better than sorry and called 911.  

The paramedics confirmed that my inhaler did exactly what it was supposed to and that I was getting 100% oxygen, so whatever was causing the symptoms wasn’t directly related to my breathing issues.

After a bunch of questions and a few field tests, they were reasonably certain that I have some kind of ear infection or water on my ear causing my balance to be destabilized and that it probably mixed with the earlier attack symptoms (and residual anxiety) to give me a really bad case of vertigo.  And that while I should absolutely see my doctor tomorrow, I probably did not need a trip to the ER unless it worsens.

Sucks, but not the worst thing they could tell me.

It was decided that I should call a ride to take me home for the safety of all involved.

That should be the end of this story. 

But it’s not.

Because my boss is a world class grade A DICK.

While I was laying down waiting on my ride and mostly just trying to get the world to stop spinning like a drunken sailor, he calls me and demands that I go see him in his office on the other side of the building.

Once there, he proceeded to bitch me out about going home early and being unreliable, started aggressively quizzing me about my health/medications/etc, and then started bitching me out about coming to work at all if "you’re sooooooo sick that you can’t stay for your entire shift *eye rolling* ”.He kept asking me what my problem was and whenever I’d try to tell him what the paramedics said, he’d stop me and offer snide comments about how if he wanted to hear what they’d said, he’d ask them, that wasn’t what he wanted to know, “what’s your problem, why are you like this”.

Then he decided that since I wasn’t reliable enough to work 4/10′s (four days a week, ten hours a day), he’d be changing my schedule to five days a week ASAP because clearly I can’t handle the stress of long days.  As if this wasn’t the VERY FIRST TIME in ALMOST SIX YEARS of working 4/10s that something like this has happened.  (and also as if I weren’t only 2 hours into my sfhit, not anywhere near the stretch that could allow a sudden health issue to be blamed on the day being too long)

 By the time he finally let me leave, I was in tears and my anxiety had ramped back up another 150%. Because, you know, that was exactly the kind of added stress I needed on top of everything else.

I have been at this job for over 11 years.  I have minimal call-out issues.  I have had even fewer times where I’ve been sent home early for any reason other than lack of customers.  I am fucking good at my job.  Before they fired almost our entire department over labor day weekend 3 (or 4?) years ago, I was working 4/10s with a shift that started at 10am and went to 8pm.  When Chef asked me if I would move to the graveyard shift because I was the only one out of 5 remaining employees who had ever closed before - “please, it’ll only be 2 or 3 months until we train people up” - I did it without complaint.

OVER THREE YEARS AND 30 NEW EMPLOYEES LATER, I AM STILL ON THAT F*ING SHIFT.

And while I have complained about that off and on, I haven’t gone over his head to force the issue with our HR department.  (Seniority trumps everything else schedule wise with our company, so the right complaint made to the right person and I’d be back on morning/swings before you could shake your head)

I feel like having ONE medical emergency-related EO (early out) should not get me lectured and threatened.

[beautifulmonsteralive]

Pucks & Altitude (pre-writing)

Warnings: none Words: 2171

The serene view between the streets in its amazing nature Symphony, caress the car’s side window as it made it stop when the traffic light turned red. This view has been Hannah’s ultimate view in the past 4 days - made her wonder when will she be back visiting this beautiful country. Pieces by pieces of dried leaves can be seen on the ground as it fell from the strong oak tree. The nature knew that winter is coming. Hannah looked over the time on her Classic Oxford DW watch and it’s 4 hours before flight home.

‘Hannah?’ her mother called for her attention from the long quiet of silence to the other side over the phone conversation that she had since she walked into her ride. ‘I’m still here, mom.’ Just then, she heard subtle multiple voices arguing behind her mother’s back. The Lenox residence, has never been in a peaceful silence since their beloved mother drawn into coma few months ago. 'Mom?’ Hannah called. She could feel her mother’s assuring smile behind the phone call, 'It’s okay, honey. I’ll settle it with your papa. Don’t worry.’

Since Hannah decided to be far away from her family due to her career, things don’t turn that well for her extended family. From company assets to land tenure, the Lenox brothers argued everything. This including with her dad. Everyone has their own opinion and well, looks like her father’s generous opinion is a dislike favour to all. Unconditionally, no one knows when will the brothers will stop their bickering. Hannah sighed in frustration. 'Mom, I’ll call you back when I landed, yeah?’

She paid the Uber driver before checking herself to Herlenad Airlines office at the airport. “Jerry! Hey!” she beamed her co-pilot once she saw him drinking his coffee at the pantry. Jerry is another great man that she knew in her life. He has been supportive towards her and they instantly became best friend since they flew together. Hannah did her early morning tea and walked to the meeting room together with Jerry, while waiting for the rest of the cabin crew.

“I heard the news.” he whispered before sipped his Piccolo Latte. She raised her eyebrow at him and wondered what news is he talking about. “Jerry … you need to add some details to that.”

He smiled, “The HR manager told me that this will be my last flight with you. Are you taking few months off or resign?” he said the latter part with a lower voice than whisper. “I - Well, I should’ve told you this earlier but I didn’t expect you get it first. I applied for a change to my home base, so that I’ll be near to home. It’s not like I don’t enjoy working with the international flights but I have to reconsider it for a long period of time.” A friendly hug was accepted from Jerry. Hannah became surprised and she didn’t expect that Jerry would understand her personal condition is but she’s thankful to have him as her friend while 5 years of career.

“So, what’s your next plan?”

“I’m not sure. Well, I’ll still be flying but less frequently than I usually do with you and the rest of the cabin crew I’ve worked with.” Hannah’s sudden decision was a secret to anyone but herself but now, Jerry knows about it too. And, she’s not surprise if the whole cabin crew knew about it. To be honest, Hannah’s decision to quit after 5 years with the airline wasn’t the first time either to make it happen. Her company has been trying to give her advice and giving her several options instead of quitting.

The airline company couldn’t afford to lose one of their best female pilots to quit job from them. Hannah made the right decision and opted to change her flight home base instead of having her home base thousands of miles away, somewhere in Europe. Changing home base could affect her rank, salary counts and other things, but Hannah couldn’t care less, if it’s bringing her closer to her family, she would do it.

“Good evening, ladies & gentlemen, boys & girls, my name is Helena Peters and I’m your chief flight attendant. On behalf of Captain Lenox and the entire crew, we would like to welcome you on board to flight 373, non-stop service from Frankfurt to Toronto. Our flight will be of for 10 hours 55 minutes. We’ll be flying at an altitude of 30, 000 ft. at a ground speed of 890km/h. At this time, make sure your seat backs and tray tables are full upright position and that your seat belt is correctly fastened. Also, your portable electronic devices must be set to ‘airplane’ mode until an announcement is made upon arrival. Thank you.” the intercom shuts once again. The chief flight attendant made a report to the cockpit, informing Hannah, Jerry and Sam the plane engineer that all passengers have been board, the flight is ready for take-off.

The long-almost 11 hours journey went smoothly. Once it landed on ground, Jerry made a short pre-landing announcement before the chief flight attendant take over. He thanked the passengers for choosing Herlenad Airlines as their flying partner and hope to see them soon. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Toronto Pearson Int'l Airport. Local time is 6.40pm and the temperature is 19°C. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the Captain turns off the fasten seat belt sign.

This will indicate that we have parked at the gate and that it is safe for you to move about. Please check around your seat for any personal belongings you may have brought on board with you and please use caution when opening the overhead bins, as heavy articles may have shifted around during the flight. If you require deplaning assistance, please remain in your seat until all other passengers have deplaned. One of our crew members will then be pleased to assist you. On behalf of Herlenad Airlines and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice evening!”

Before Hannah took her flight bag, she bid farewell to her cabin crews, ultimately Jerry that has been with her since she started 5 years ago. "We’ll gonna miss flying with you.” one of the stewardess gave her a tight hug before Hannah voiced out, “Guys, I changed my home base for more domestic flights not quitting the job.” they all laughed.

Her black shoes clicking onto the white marble floor of the airport to the exit once she had the required signature in her flight log book. This time, Hannah can be much more relieved that her flights after these will be on domestic which means lesser flight hours but she can dodge the bad jetlag that she usually had. She fished her phone out from her pocket and texted her mother that she has safely landed.

Mom: Hi there sweetheart! I’m glad you’re already home. Do you have anyone to pick you up? Wanna have Alex come over and pick you up?

Hannah: I left my car at the staff parking area. SO, it should be good.

Mom: What’s your plan for this evening? You got few spare time left before your 'curfew’

Hannah: Gosh, mom! I don’t have curfew. Well, I might have a dinner with Kara later for our 'casual’ night. I guess I have to cook for her.

Mom: Good luck with that and have fun!

Hannah: Thanks mom! Love you :)

Right after, Hannah punched in Kara’s new number that she had before her flight to Copenhagen last week while she’s still in Germany. Waiting for her long reply, Hannah decided to drive out to the supermarket and get her groceries for the casual night she’ll be having later. Her mind wondered on which menu should she cook tonight. Kara’s taste buds favour over Italian food - well, don’t blame her European genes and Hannah on the other hand, she loves everything that’s good. For her, it’s impossible to have a favourite food. It’s almost the same when people ask which is your favourite kitten among the kittens - you don’t.

776-4892: my mom told me not to talk to strangers but (free) dinner? tonight? i’d glad to come over but i’m not Kara 😅

Hannah: I’m sorry, who’s this? (Well, your mom and mine has the same thoughts on strangers.)

776-4892: hello from the other side, i’m morgan. you?

Hannah: Well, Morgan, I’m Hannah and I’m sorry to interrupt you with the text. I guess I took my friend’s number wrong.

Morgan: i hope that you already found him/her number by now. do you mind if i ask?

Hannah: You already did 😆

Morgan: hahaha is this like a big dinner event or something?

Hannah: Nah! I just came home from work and my friend, Kara and I had this dinner thing since we’re in college. So, it’s like a 'tradition’ for us.

Morgan: wow! that’s great.

Morgan: hey, i gotta go now. talk later?

Hannah: Later, Morgan.

At that moment, Hannah knew she was too tired when she had her conversation with Kara previously that made her accidently texted to the wrong number. The pasta selection caught her at a glimpse, deciding that she would made Kara macaroni seafood lasagne and herb mashed potato. From fruits to vegetables, she has it all, until her phone bing-ed once again for another notification.

Braun @baabaagreensheep @pinelesspineapple yo gurl! are you home yet?

lenox just tweeted @pinelesspineapple @baabaagreensheep yes, i'am & i’ve mistakenly texted your number to someone else’s.

Kara gave her a call right after. They had their conversation long enough until Hannah already reach her metallic black apartment door with groceries bags in her arms.

'I’m gonna end this call. I’ve to prepare your lasagna.’

'Lasagne? Nice~ I’m already halfway getting the food done. Guess, I’ll see you later.’

'Oh, and do you mind if we’re having extra companies, later?’

'No, not at all but don’t let them coming empty handed though.’

Hannah hit the warm shower before preparing the ingredients in her Pullman kitchen. From her formal pilot attire, she rummaged through her wardrobe and found her old black tank top and she paired it with red flannel - classy. Living with a 'no-shoe’ policy in her house, Hannah relieved not to have dirty shoe marks all over the floor especially her carpeted area. She pulled her light brown hair up into a messy bun before letting her work done with the food. Having the kitchen to herself is like a great de-stress therapy. She couldn’t be around the kitchen when she’s working due to her previous home base as they would give their staff stayed in a hotel and in some lucky cases, she might have hotel provide with a mini kitchen but it wouldn’t cure Hannah’s working stress.

Start off with cleaning the vegetables, Hannah make sure that all of it are cleaned before the peeling and cooking process. One menu at a time - Hannah decided to boil the potatoes and macaroni while she prepared the lasagne sauce first, since it doesn’t require much ingredients to be added than seafood. After chopping the basil and parsley, she mixed in the creamy mixture for the lasagne sauce. After all, Kara would be surprised to have a new taste after sticking to the classic lasagne. Hannah moved around the kitchen and find any other ingredients that available. Looks like her groceries shopping earlier paid off, when most of the items at the kitchen is either expired or rotten. Hannah couldn’t blame anyone since she lived here alone by herself. Her instinct moved when she decided to text Mo and invite him/her for the dinner.

Hannah: Hey, Morgan, I’m not sure if you’re free at 8pm but do you wanna come by and have a dinner?

Morgan: 8pm is great. i’ll be there. is it okay though? your friend wouldn’t mind?

Hannah: I gave her the heads up that you might be coming and she mentioned not to come empty handed 😆😆😆

Morgan: HAHAHAHA sure! i’ll bring the drinks and can i fill another spot with a friend of mine?

Hannah: The more, the merrier.

Morgan: cool! i’ll be there in 20.

Hannah sent her house location and this time she hoped that her 'stranger’ instinct would turn out to be nice. She hoped that Mo isn’t a person that has his/her face up on the FBI board with the word 'WANTED’ stated boldly above it. She softly sighed before her house bell rang but Kara’s voice drowns the bell’s sound. She told her that the door’s unlocked and Kara walked in. “OMG! You’re back! For good?” she asked as she bounce their hugging, up and down. “For good.” Kara smiled, wider than she did during her graduation.

———-

I’d appreciate for some feedbacks for this first chapter and I’ll post the second one right after :)

[aboutsixplums]

Work has reached a point where the best applicable description is “bananas.”

Coworker E did in fact get a new job, but wants to stay on part-time. The problem at present is her 2-month training period, during which she must be at her new place from 8-5 Mon-Fri. (After completing training, she would be more available to us.) So for the next 2 months, she’s gonna come in Mon/Tues/Thurs from 5 til close which, hell, I’ll take that over nothing; it means I don’t have to learn to do the books. This obviously leaves us with large gaps in the schedule. Coworker C and I were assuming we’d have to fill those gaps where we could & we’d both just hit overtime each pay period until we got more staff on board. Sucks, bc all we can really do is have Coworker C come in Mondays and me come in Wednesdays + stay later on Fridays. We’re both already there for 10+ hour shifts Tues & Thurs, we cannot duplicate ourselves to replace E.  But nooooooooo, the schedule is being left exactly...as...it is. This is a deliberate play by Associate Doctor, who does the schedule, in an attempt to force Manager to accept how bad the staffing situation is. ...Which, I see her point, but that’s going to be unbelievably shitty while it lasts, which could be weeks to months, given the speed at which Manager interviews people. Let’s recap: this is a 2-doctor clinic open 6 days/week, generally back-to-back appointments from 9:30 to 7 and 3-4 anesthetic events per surgery day (Tuesday and Thursday). With Coworker E leaving, we have 3 full-time people on paper, but in reality we only have 2, because Manager is not reliably present. The part-time staff consists of 2 high school kids, a college girl working 10 hrs/wk, a woman who comes in only on Saturdays, and Coworker T, who despite 12 years at the clinic is unskilled at restraint/blood draws/IV placement/etc. Yesterday Manager interviewed someone whose veterinary experience totals 5 months at a clinic in the spring of ‘16. Today it was a dude with a BA in film who, in March, did a 72-hr course at a local community college to become a certified veterinary assistant, which means he was taught how to hold an animal (in theory), clean cages, and play go-fer. WHILE I’M ON A ROLL, there’s a whole other can of worms with Coworker T. I seldom work with her, our hours just don’t overlap--unless I stay late on Fridays, we’re in the same building for 3 hours on Monday. I’m aware that the people she closes with have a longstanding beef that she delays closing by looking for things to do that could easily be left til the next day when everybody else is waiting to leave (ie folding & putting away dry laundry--trivial things). I never close with her, so this doesn’t affect me. But even I’m aware that she’s been in a foul mood every time she’s come in for the past few weeks. Apparently she went to doc or Manager (gossip chain was unclear on who) with this big story about how nobody appreciates her, we all hate her, we don’t let her do anything/make her do all the cleaning, etc etc. “Don’t let her do anything” is a touchy one--she’s very delicate and easily offended if corrected, and has an unfortunate attitude of “never upset an animal ever” which results in improper restraint, so if we have an animal known to be fractious/put up a struggle, she’s not anyone’s first choice for holding. As for cleaning...she will literally re-do all the cleaning someone has just done bc she thinks it wasn’t done properly, so when she’s around we do tend to leave stuff for her to clean bc why waste our time if she’s gonna do it again in 5 minutes? Anyway, so she talks to someone, and now me & Coworker C are going to have separate meetings with Manager to discuss complaints that Coworker T has about us...? (If this ever happens, it won’t be at least until next Tues, bc Manager’s going to Nashville tonight.) The amount of fucks I give about complaints Coworker T has about me is less than nil. I must have done something to piss her off, bc she took away the feeder toys she bought for Dean, who is my cat. This has to be the most childish, petty display of ‘vengeance’ I’ve ever encountered in a work environment. (...That’s not to say I didn’t sink to her level and write a cheerfully passive-aggressive note on the board about it, bc I absolutely did.) So yeah work is officially Certified Bananas and I wonder if I could get another dear-god-please-don’t-quit-here-take-this-bribe raise like I did last Dec when they were panicked I would leave.

[wozman23]

Roller Coasters and Car Wrecks: Both The Physical and The Emotional Kinds

I’ve recently taken a couple of trips to Six Flags, but those haven’t been the only roller coasters I’ve been on. And I’ve recently been part of or witnessed a few car wrecks. In every instance, these last few months have been absolutely absurd in the most beautifully nerve-racking of ways. For my own well being and sanity, I’ve needed to severely cut my time at Aldi for quite some time. Despite the fact that I’ll be losing about $1000 a month, I’ve now done that. I’m two weeks in to being a part timer. Yet I fear I pushed myself a bit too far for those eight months. The constant lack of sleep has seriously impaired me, yet I continued to push my limits despite countless signs. First off, many months ago, after a gym split shift that started at 5 AM and ended at I-don’t-even-remember-how-late PM, I backed into someone pulling out of a parking space in a Walmart parking lot. It was the most minor accident imaginable, but my insurance company didn’t give a damn. So when it came time to renew, they raised my rates, and I decided to stop carrying collision and comprehension on my 12 year old car. Then a few months back I destroyed two tires after falling asleep at the wheel. That was the most literal of wake up calls, and a $400 mistake. It was really the turning point that made me question how hard I was pushing myself. I’m still grateful that the situation wasn’t much worse. Then again, yesterday, while not paying enough attention while trying to maneuver my way out from a gas station and in to a turn lane through a few lanes of traffic stopped at a light, I took too narrow of a path when squeezing between vehicles and put a nasty scrape across my passenger side rear door and quarter panel when I brushed up against the bumper of a semi. On one hand I was pissed off! Why wasn’t I paying more attention?! It’s either something that’s gonna cost quite a chunk of change to fix, or it’s something that won’t be worth fixing and I’ll just have to stare at my mistake until it’s time for a new ride. On the other I was relieved that the semi driver didn’t care since the rigid metal bumper took pretty much zero damage, so all we did was shake hands and agree that we didn’t need to exchange insurance. So now my car, which looked alright when it moved to California, is in much worse shape these days. The right side alone has taken a rock to the windshield (hey, at least that one wasn’t my fault), some chipped paint on the rear bumper, and now a giant war wound. Like many cars on the road out here, it is beat up. I now joke that it’s my badge that I’m a true Angeleno. But, contrary to how it sounds, my life hasn’t completely been a series of car accidents. It’s had its ups as well. I’m fortunate that my gym job is a pleasure. I absolutely love it, my clients, and the vast majority of my coworkers. I couldn’t imagine a better, more fulfilling job. And just tonight I cemented a promotion by barely squeezing out the required amount of training sales dollars and supplement sales - largely in part thanks to my amazing clients and coworkers who pulled some favors for me to get close enough to those requirements, and me throwing a few hundred down on supplements knowing I will make my money back in the next three months.

But just as I lessened my role at Aldi, I’ve also lost some good clients. While my paychecks have been on the up-and-up, my overall net pay is in a state of flux right now. And if those sales numbers don’t maintain - which they’re trending not to - I take a demotion back to where I was after another three months. So I’m really uncertain on where that roller coaster is heading next. Couple that with the fact that I’m still clearly mentally and physically exhausted from both jobs and the continued effort of trying to make that relationship I was interested in work, I’ve been in a really weird headspace. That physical exhaustion also means that I’ve curtailed my workouts. I haven’t consistently run since my injury around six months ago, and my lifting has been the most inconsistent it’s been since I began this journey a few years ago. I don’t doubt that’s also influenced the uneasy feeling I’ve been having. Most days I’m still filled with chipper whimsy, but I’ve noticed my mood start to swing in less desirable directions. While it’s nowhere near as crippling as it once was, I’ve finally began to feel a normal, acceptable amount of anxiety about my future, which is to be expected from such chaos. I’m actually surprised it took this long. But that small level is actually nice to have again, because it lets me know I’ve crossed my limits. I wish it would have let me know months ago. Maybe then my car - which seems to be more and more representative of my battered psyche every day - wouldn’t have taken the brunt of the damage it has. Maybe this steam of consciousness would be more coherent, and maybe I’d have the energy to proof read it. Then the pinnacle! Tonight we were supposed to celebrate promotions at work by meeting for dinner. Reservations were made around a month ago, but it kept getting pushed back. Finally hitting my goals, I was invited hours before the event. So after putting in a full day at the gym striking out on getting that out of pocket cost of my supplements any lower- because I’m still not that great of a salesman - I picked up another $200 worth of amino acids, creatine, joint flex, and multivitamins, drove over to the place we were supposed to meet... and found out it had closed down a few weeks ago due to a fire. A backup plan hadn’t materialized yet, so being mentally and physically spent, I laughed it off and went home. And on the way home what should I find: a traffic jam. The cause: the same generation Corolla as mine with a crushed front end after rear ending someone on the 5 (see again I’m a true Angeleno because I don’t call the interstate I-5 anymore). I’ve had some pessimistic moments. I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve been angry. I’ve been desperate. I’ve questioned whether or not moving here was the right choice. Yet, despite all of my turmoil and absurdity, there are constant reminders that things could always be worse. My place of employment didn’t burn down and while my car may be unsightly, it is still drive-able. Thanks to killing myself with two jobs, I’ve nearly replaced all the money in my savings that I blew through to get established. Overall, I remain predominately optimistic. My roller coaster has the potential to be heading up. I’ll be making around $4 more per hour when training clients, which equates to around $22/hr. I’m coaching an all-time high of 7 Gold’s Burn classes a week, which gets me $32/hr. I’m getting more full nights of sleep, which is the thing I need the most. I’ve got more free time. I’ll have most weekends off. I went for a run today with a client and her husband - the one who I resigned that put me literally $10 over my sales goal. (As a thank you I bought her some protein powder.) I’m hoping I can make those runs a semiweek(end)ly occurrence with a few clients/friends. I’ll have more time to catch up on video games, a month’s worth of Conan episodes that I haven’t watched, and a few other shows. And despite a few missed opportunities on previous invites, I might have finally talked Lisa into coming to Six Flags with me and our mutual friend on July 10th. And maybe we’ll hit the water park later next month. When I went to Six Flags last weekend, one roller coaster was shut down almost the entire day. But it reopened just before close. We hopped in line, got all the way to the front, literally waiting to be the next to hop on... And then a car got stuck on the climb... We waited while they tried to fix it,and watched as the next person-less test car got stuck again. Many people behind us left. But in the end we stayed, they got it up and running, and we got to ride arguable the best ride there.

That’s me: I push through shit, stubbornly. I’m determined. I’m always looking to move forward. When I want to hit a goal for a half marathon, I do so at the expense of my ligaments. When I hit a curb, I don’t put the car in reverse. I just run it over. When I start to hear my car door scraping against a semi, instead of stopping I just let it scrape the whole way. It’s not always the smartest decision - clearly. Had I stopped, fixing a single small blemish on the door would have been a relatively cheap repair. But in other, not-car-destroying related instances, it can be a benefit. Life is fucking weird, and that’s why it’s fun. It reminds me of a snippet from a song I fell in love with that I found not long ago, Incandenza by Waking Aida. I posted it before, but it bears repeating: “When you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises; when you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape; when your boots will fill with rain, and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say thank you. Because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away. You will put the wind in winsome, lose some. You will put the star in starting over, and over. And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute, be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life" - Sarah Kay

That poem eviscerates my soul for so many reasons. It exemplifies the last few years of my life perfectly. It reduces me to tears - happy tears. I honestly have no clue where this roller coaster is headed, but I’m enjoying the ride, the people I’m riding it with, and all its ups and downs. If you’ve made it this far into this post, or even just cared enough to skip to the bottom, thank you for being in my life. Thanks for the encouragement. Thanks for laughing with or at me. Thanks for inspiring me. I hope you see life through the same glasses I do. If I can give you but one thing, I hope it’s that childlike optimism.

[hipsbef0rehands]

Cresco Amor: Chapter 2

Author: @hips-bef0re-hands Timeline: Season 6 Rating: PG-13 (for now) Summary: How I think the ‘ship came to be You can read part one here

December 25th 1998 12:30am

“Maybe I did want to be out there with you

“I know we said we weren’t going to exchange gifts…but uh, I got you a little something” “Mulder…”

“Merry Christmas”

“Well I got you a little something too”

The two agents rushed excitedly to Mulder’s couch and began to open their gifts. Mulder tore the wrapping off his with the enthusiasm of a child, letting scraps of the paper fall to the floor. Scully was more careful, using her thumbnail to break the seal of tape with surgical precision.

Mulder arrived at his gift first, a small, leather bound notebook. Inside the front page, in Scully’s perfect scrawl was a message.

M,

I can’t wait to read the first book by The Fox Mulder; there is nobody I would rather find all the answers with.

Love,  

- S

He looked up from the message at his partner.

“For when you decide to get out of the car”, she said. He remembered their conversation only weeks before.

“Thank you, Scully.”

The two stared at one another for only slightly longer than necessary before Mulder glanced down at the package still resting in Scully’s lap. He raised his eyebrows in encouragement for her to open it.

She broke eye contact and began to meticulously remove its packaging.

She wasn’t sure what the item was as she slid it out of a cylindrical velvet sleeve. It was beautiful, some sort of wooden box with gold leafing around the edges and a rose inlay along the top. She popped the latch and the box opened. It was a jewelry box, a beautiful antique jewelry box just big enough for a few small items. The box began to play a soft tune and she realized it was also a music box. She cradled the item delicately, running her fingers along the roses.

“I got it the last time I was at the Vineyard,” he said quietly. “It caught my eye. It made me think of you.

“Mulder, it’s... beautiful.”

“Must have been why it made me think of you.

She looked up at him quickly, their eyes meeting, and he realized he might have said too much. He looked down at his lap.

It is true, he had picked the jewelry box up the last time that he was on the vineyard visiting his mother but it had been years ago, after Scully was diagnosed with Cancer. He had wanted to give it to her as a gift at the time, but the perfect moment never arrived, that or else he had never seized it. Once her cancer had gone into remission, the gift seemed trivial, too small and not important enough for the magnitude of the event. He had placed the box away only thinking about it again recently when they were on a particularly grueling case in November and Scully had asked him to hold her gold cross necklace in his wallet for safe keeping. The way he had unceremoniously crumpled the gold chain and zipped it into a secure pocket didn’t seem right to him, and he had remembered the box, just in time for Christmas.

He was brought back into the moment by the feeling of a soft hand against his.

“Thank you, Mulder. This is perfect.”

“Yeah” he shrugged, “I figured it was better than a keychain or coffee mug.”

Scully turned to him and put her other hand on top of his hands as well.

“Merry Christmas, Mulder.”

He squeezed her hands gently. “You too, Scully.”

Scully turned to the TV where ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ was just beginning.

“This movie was always my parents’ favorite” Mulder said.

“Mine too,” she said with a yawn. “It’s late. I better get home and get some sleep. 3 kids under the age of 10 on Christmas morning, I’m going to need my stamina.”

xxx

February 16th 1999

6:36pm

He eased Scully onto the couch as reached for the pillows propping them up along the armrest for her to lounge back upon.

“Mulder, really, I’m fine” she said, slightly annoyed.

“You know, Scully, I could die a happy man if I never heard those words again.”

She looked at him, giving him a pinched smile. She winced as she let her head lay back on the pillows, feeling the fresh, cool cotton against her neck. It was good to be home. It had been two weeks since her incident in New York. That’s what they had been calling it, an” incident”.

She had spent 5 days in intensive care after having part of her small bowel removed, received 4 units of blood, 7 days of tube feedings, and one apology letter from the FBI. Mulder had taken it off her hospital table and thrown it into the trash once he had seen it. ‘Sonofabitch’ he had muttered tossing the balled up paper into the basket. He had not left her side since he arrived from DC.

“So what should we have for dinner? Your mom stocked the freezer full of soups and stews. The doctors say that you can ease back into normal foods but to start slow, you may feel nauseated or have cramping after heavy meals. We should avoid greasy things so pizza is out…”

“Mulder, I already eased my way into eating. 3 days of clears,” she shifted her butt “2 days of softs,” she lined up her back “…and I have been eating solids since Saturday night. Besides, I am a doctor incase you forgot. I will have a bowl of the tomato soup and I will whip up a couple grilled cheeses.” She tried to stand up.

Mulder was at her side easing her back to the couch “Tomato soup is highly acidic and…”

“Enough” she sighed. “Mulder, I really appreciate all you are doing but you need to back off.”

He was caught off guard by her anger and annoyance and sulked silently into the kitchen to make the sandwiches. He knew he had been breathing down her neck for days now. Maybe it was time to step aside. He knew Scully was more than capable of caring for herself.

“I’m sorry.”

He turned around to see Scully standing behind him gripping one of the kitchen chairs for support. 

“Scu…”

“Mulder, I know that you are trying to do what’s best for me. I appreciate it. I know that you feel like had you been with me that day, none of this would have happened.”

“It wouldn’t have,” he grumbled.

“Probably not. You and I have always shared a connection, one that I can’t imagine having with any other partner. I think we both feel an obligation to carry the other at times. But Mulder, this did happen, and its over, and I am fine.”

He knew she was right but he couldn’t help the eye roll and flippant huff at her choice of words.

Scully smiled. “Ok, I will be fine… but now, I am hungry.”

He back around towards the stove, giving up this round.

“One grilled cheese coming right up.”

xxx

“I was thinking that I will probably go home tonight, you know, give the boys a night off from watching my fish… that is unless you wanted me to stay.”

Mulder did not want to go home at all, but he had overheard Scully talking to her mom on the phone earlier about how she half expected him to move in to her apartment, she sounded annoyed. He decided he would let her think that going home was his idea.

“Yeah? Mulder that’s good, I will be f-…” she paused, “I will manage on my own. Actually it will be nice to sleep through the night without a nursing coming in to check 3am vitals for a change. Are you planning on going back to work tomorrow?”

“I’m off until next week. It’s ok, I’m sure they can investigate mishandlings of manure without us for a few more days.”

Mulder had taken two weeks vacation to help care for Scully. Scully did not want Maggie visiting her while she was in ICU and insisted on her waiting until she was transferred to the step down unit. She was scared that seeing her only surviving daughter hooked up to monitors with a tube coming out of her nose would be more than Maggie could bear. She had assured her mother that Mulder was watching over her and after a fair amount of push back, Maggie agreed. Maggie had spent three days in New York before returning to DC. She had offered to let Dana make her recovery at her Maryland home but Scully politely declined the invitation telling her mother she needed her own bed.

Scully planned to return to desk duty on Monday. Because she was injured in the line of duty, she did not have to put any of her vacation or sick time towards her recovery. Mulder however did. She inquired with the HR department about donating her vacation time to Mulder but was told it was against policy. She knew he would never use the time, and likely still had weeks left, but it felt like the right thing to do.

“Well, I could use a fresh change of clothes,” Scully said easing herself off the couch, and putting her plate on the coffee table. “Not to mention a nice, long, hot shower. The water pressure and temperature at the hospital is an actual sin.” She stood up and stretched, letting out a low moan as pain settled in her abdomen.

Mulder was at her side in seconds. She threw daggers at him with her eyes and he retreated.

“It is a shame that I can’t soak in the tub for a few more weeks. A bath is what I really need.”

“Well why don’t you head in there to get washed up, and I will clean up dinner.”

Scully accepted his offer with a nod and made her way to the bathroom.

Pulling out a plush towel from her hallway closet she buried her face into it. The soft smell of her fabric softener filled her nostrils. ‘My god this is so much better than the bleach smell of the hospital linens’ she thought wistfully. She walked into the bathroom turning on the faucet to the warmest setting and walked to the sink to brush her teeth while the shower warmed up.

Fog was just starting to fill the bathroom as she swished and spit the remainder of the toothpaste from her mouth. Her minty crest was so much better than the arm and hammer baking soda paste the hospital used.

Scully had never been hospitalized for that long before. Even after her abduction she was able to return home within a weeks time. She hoped to never have to do it again.

She sat on the lid of the toilet to remove her socks. She could feel the pain in her stomach begin to radiate as she bent over towards her feet. She had been off all narcotic pain relievers for a few days now but was considering taking one before bed tonight. She did not want her doctors to keep her any longer, or to upset Mulder, so she downplayed her pain significantly. After her socks were off, she stood to untie her drawstring pants and let them fall at her feet. She had not been wearing underwear due to the new hassle she faced removing them. She smiled to herself and inwardly thought ‘If Mulder had known he spent a week with me going commando, I would never hear the end of it.’

She reached down to the bottom hem of her long t-shirt and started to pull upward when an extremely sharp pain tore through her gut and traveled straight to her back.

“Damnit!” she hissed, louder than she intended.

“Scully?” She heard Mulder call from the kitchen.

“My God, what does he have super human hearing or something?” She muttered to nobody in particular.

“I’m OK Mulder, just some pain that’s all.”

“I told you you should have taken a Percocet,” he said from the other side of the door.

She rolled her eyes.

There was a long pause while she tried to fiddle with the shirt, lifting her arms, especially the left one, was causing a strain on the taut skin of her abdomen. She was afraid the skin, where the sutures had only been removed yesterday, would begin to separate.

On her third night in the step down unit a young nurse, Shannon had been taking care of her for the first time. “Mrs. Scully,” she said, “Because you are now considered stable and have a doctors order to be off the cardiac monitor for bathing, you are more than welcome to have your husband help you in the shower instead of our staff… if that makes you more comfortable.”

Mulder’s face broke out into a huge smile while Scully’s turned red as a cherry.

“That’s my FBI partner, Shannon. Its MISS Scully… just call me Dana.”

Shannon’s eyes widened and her hands flew up to her mouth. “Oh my God I am so sorry, I only assumed… My apologies sir,” she nodded towards Mulder “and to you, Dana.”

Being naturally independent, it was hard to have a nurse help her with daily tasks for the past couple of weeks, but she was beginning to realize how necessary it was.

She took a deep inhale and closed her eyes.

“Mulder, do you think you would be able to help me… get ready and get into the shower.”

“Of course, Scully.” He put his hand on the doorknob and began to turn it.

“Mulder, I’m half naked in here… give me a second.” She reached for the towel, which she had placed on the sink and haphazardly wrapped it around her waist. “Ok, I’m decent.”

Mulder walked into the steamy bathroom to see Scully standing with a towel covering her from the bellybutton down and a t-shirt bunched up under her breasts, exposing her scar.

“Here, let me help you with this.” Mulder said walking towards Scully. He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around so that he was facing her back, and she was facing the frosted window instead of the mirror. He took his hands and brought them up her back to the hem of her t-shirt while Scully secured the towel in place.

He slowly eased the t-shirt up over her torso then took her elbows and gently slid them through the sleeves without over extending her arms. All the while, he was reminding himself that Scully was sick and not to allow any specific part of him to become too excited by the task at hand.

Once the shirt was off, Mulder reached around the front of her to grab the shirt. The backside of his hand gently brushed over one of her hardened nipples and Scully inhaled sharply.

“Sorry, Scully” he whispered, cursing himself for not being more careful.

“It’s ok… I’m just a little cold that’s all” she lied; trying to explain her breasts’ aroused state.

It was about 100 degrees in the steamy bathroom and Mulder didn’t buy a second of her excuse, but dropped the matter for the sake of her ego.

He then took the shirt and held it open in front of him.

“Turn,” he said.

Scully did as he requested and was now standing totally naked, but covered in front of him. She looked up at him with her lips slightly parted and slightly breathless. She wasn’t sure if he was making her feel light headed or the steam from the shower.  

“Step back into the shower, wet your hair, and I will close my eyes and help you lather and rinse your hair. The doctor said you shouldn’t have your arms extended up over your head,” he reminded her.

“I can If I keep my elbows close to my body” she quipped back, proudly.

He shook his head. “Ok, but I’m going to be right outside that door. Call me when you are ready to dry off.”

xxx

After her shower, she felt like a new person, or at least like the one she used to be before this whole mess. She felt clean for the first time in weeks but pretty sleepy from the steam of the shower. She anticipated feeling a lot better by morning. She took the bottle of pain medicine from the medicine cabinet and popped one pill.

Mulder came back into the bathroom with his hand over his eyes, making her chuckle. They had each seen one another naked, usually in times like this, when someone was sick or injured, but she was amused and quite thankful by his attempts at preserving her dignity.

She wrapped her body in the towel after applying an antiseptic cream to the fresh scar on her abdomen.

“Ok” she said, and he removed his hand from his eyes. “I think if you could just help me with my hair I can manage the rest.”

Mulder took the smaller towel that was hanging on a rack and began to gently dry her hair. Then, he picked up the brush on the ledge of the window and began to brush the strands into straight pieces.

Scully looked up at their reflection in the mirror, which was becoming less foggy now that the shower was off. Their eyes met and Scully smiled lazily at him

“Mulder, I don’t think I’ve properly thanked you yet… for taking care of me like this. I really appreciate it. I owe you...”

“You don’t have to thank me, Scully… and you owe me nothing.”

“I’m really lucky to have you.”

“Likewise” he said putting the brush down on the sink and running his fingers through her hair one last time. “All done.”

Mulder walked out of the bathroom while Scully put on a pair of satin sleep shorts and a button up shirt, which would be much easier to remove in the morning than a pullover.

She walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where Mulder was putting away the dishes from dinner.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to stay?” he asked, hoping she would ask him to.

“Mulder, go home, I’m going to be ok.”

He walked up to her and kissed her forehead along her hairline.

“No doubt in my mind, partner.”

He grabbed his duffel bag and walked out the door. Scully was left standing in the foyer feeling a little woozy. She didn’t think that it was from the pain medicine.

Feedback is always appreciated :)

- Jen

[kansascityhappenings]

Joe’s Weather World: Late summer in KC sticks around + Dorian (THU-9/5)

The last waning days of summer are flying by now…we’re less than 3 weeks away from astronomical fall and summer is fighting to hang on. Ore or less it will feel like summer through the middle of next week. There are no “big” fall fronts coming yet…but that will change as the month finishes as it usually does.

Of note though are some rain chances for Sunday…especially from KC northwards…and more heat for a few days next week as well. The average high/low are trailing off now…lower 80s and lower 60s…so it sort of gets harder and harder to top 90°, especially with such green terrain in the area thanks to all the moisture this summer.

Dorian is still in the news and may make landfall in NC tomorrow…a whole bevy of weather is likely including storm surge, flooding rains, wind gusts near 100 MPH and isolated tornadoes near the coastal areas.

Forecast:

Today: Sunny and hot with humid weather in the afternoon. Highs near 90° with a heat index near 95°+.

Tonight: Muggy with lows in the upper 60s

Friday: Not as hot with lower humidity during the afternoon. Highs into the 80s

Saturday: Warm but pleasant with highs in the lower>mid 80s

Sunday: Storm chances AM especially depending on the northern MO activity…temperatures may be cooler IF we get that rain/clouds. Let’s go with lower 80s for now. There is upside and lower side potential there.

Discussion:

Dorian is still a thing…and now the focus is on impacts for the coastal areas of the Carolinas.

There have been tornadoes already near the shoreline…and tornado watches are in effect…

This is common with land falling hurricanes especially. Sometimes there are only a couple, other times there are a lot. Tough to act when you have storm surge…flooding…strong winds outside of tornadoes and then the potential of a fast moving, quick hitting tornado too.

Dorian went through a reorganization phase late yesterday and winds were bumped up to 115 MPH…back to category 3 strength but this morning with a lot of it’s broad circulation ashore now…and with shear hitting the storm as well..looks like it’s having a tougher go of things.

Regardless there is so much water now built up and crashing ashore with the storm surge that it really doesn’t matter what the winds are…because the storm’s surge isn’t going to go down in the next day or so. That will be a big(!) issue along the coast.

As will the heavy rains…Dorian is moving along so the rain amounts won’t be like with a slow moving or stalled hurricane…but still 10″+ is possible in some areas.

and this all leads to flooding.

The eye of Dorian has broadened out considerably…now some 50 miles across as this visible image shows…

At least Dorian will continue to move and eventually accelerate away from the USA tomorrow…although eastern Canada and the Nova Scotia area have to be watching the storm too.

It won’t do to the US what happened in the Bahamas. It’s not as strong as it was Sunday when it had 185 MPH winds. There is new data coming out regarding how long the winds blasted the northern Bahamas…

Using recon data & satellite center fixes, here are wind duration swaths by category for #Dorian, zoomed in on Grand Bahama and Abaco Islands.

As it stalled out, portions of the islands endured: hurricane-force winds for over 36 hours, cat 2 for >24 hrs, cat 3 for 6-12 hours! pic.twitter.com/H57J8oNTkE

— Sam Lillo (@splillo) September 4, 2019

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Again we may never know the true strength of the surface winds on the northern Bahamas…there are no reliable wind measurements I don’t believe that have information…but some 150 MPH winds are certainly on the table based on recon reports.

Let’s see if Dorian makes landfall in NC in the end…at least for a brief time.

Most recent #hurricane landfalls in the Carolinas by Saffir-Simpson category:

Cat. 1: Florence (2018) – NC Cat. 2: Arthur (2014) – NC Cat. 3: Fran (1996) – NC Cat. 4: Hugo (1989) – SC

No category 5 hurricanes on record have made landfall in the Carolinas. #HurricaneDorian pic.twitter.com/OitVTDDKbF

— Philip Klotzbach (@philklotzbach) September 3, 2019

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#HurricaneDorian remains a Category 3 #hurricane with maximum winds of 115 mph. Since 1950, 4 major #hurricanes have made landfall in the Carolinas:

Hazel (1954) – Cat. 4 – SC/NC border Gracie (1959) – Cat. 4 – SC Hugo (1989) – Cat. 4 – SC Fran (1996) – Cat. 3 – NC pic.twitter.com/p5SqCzXowN

— Philip Klotzbach (@philklotzbach) September 5, 2019

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I think a lot of folks are getting worn out from all the Dorian talk…this thing has been going on for what seems like forever.

The 1st advisories were back on the 24th and Dorian became a hurricane 1 week ago yesterday (the 28th).

Dorian will still be in the news tomorrow for the US…and then it will move away.

Onto our weather…

Hot today…cold front comes through tomorrow at daybreak with a wind shift towards the NW and drier air working in behind the front after lunch especially. This should be another dry frontal passage for us as well.

Saturday looks great with a cool morning and a pleasant afternoon.

I still have questions about how Sunday will play out…with rain the main issue in the AM at least. There will be a disturbance coming through the I-80 corridor later Saturday night into Sunday morning. This will set of rain/storms up there…the issue is how far south that gets…will there be some sort of outflow that reaches us or does it stay north of 36 highway allowing us to remain is an increasing warmer air mass to finish the weekend.

The data is sort of mixed. The EURO keeps it just north of the metro..although it’s ensemble runs brings rain to us but just barely…while the overnight GFS is a little farther south with a definite outflow of rain cooled air with us on Sunday. While the EURO dips us briefly in cooler air Sunday and then retreats it northwards Sunday afternoon.

Both models in time though Sunday afternoon bring us into the mid>upper 80s. So let’s see how things come together later Saturday and see how far south the rain cooled air will penetrate. The rain chances look better Sunday AM across N MO than they do in KC and even less towards areas south of KC.

This time of the year can be very dry at times…and with the drier air masses moving in…and the warm temperatures…you can really dry out the top soil quickly. I’m thinking of doing some seeding on the yard…but may wait another week or so…

Here is the EURO rain forecast for the next couple of weeks.

Our feature photo comes from Jamie Taylor‎ who has a friend in Eustis, FL who sent her pictures of the sunset from yesterday. Picture is via George Hart

Joe

  from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/09/05/joes-weather-world-late-summer-in-kc-sticks-around-dorian-thu-9-5/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/09/05/joes-weather-world-late-summer-in-kc-sticks-around-dorian-thu-9-5/

[assholemurphy]

so, i’m dying.

lol, not rly. except, yeah, kinda.

my gallbladder has finally fucked itself into a coma and only wakes up to force me to projectile vomit myself into oblivion whenever i consume solids. and on occasions, liquids, if it’s rly cranky. that’s my life now.

i have managed to eat 2 hot pockets, some chips, abt 8 jalepeno poppers, and three eggrolls (and keep them down) in the past 2 weeks. all that i’ve been able to keep down has happened in the past 24hrs. i’m not sure how i managed it, tbh, but it wasn’t without a fight. other than that, i have not digested anything but liquids in the past 2 weeks. i cannot think straight, i can barely form words in my head, let alone say them out loud. this is not fun and i don’t like it. it was one thing to choose not to eat (tho, rly, with an ed, it wasn’t exactly a choice, ya feel?) and to choose to purge, but now that i have no choice at all, i’m so fucking pissed off. like, part of me is happy bc i’ve lost 5lbs already, even with being bloated from constant puking, but like, more of me just wants to survive so i can work on my goddamn finals. which are all due this week. and none of them are done. (except the one that was due last week, managed to do that one, luckily).

pretty boy took me to the er on sun night bc i can’t keep anything down and it’s only gotten worse since they released me. we got there right as the docs were changing shifts, so the first doc was rly narcissistic and full of himself and the second he heard me say ‘i’ve got atypical anorexia b/p subtype’ he was like, ‘ah, yes, it’s all in your head, this is your fault’ which even made pb annoyed bc he apparently can tell the difference between what’s currently going on and my (his words, not mine) ‘crash diets’. but he was p sure the doc didn’t like me bc i called my primary doc (who was supposed to get me scheduled for an ultrasound to get this taken care of almost 2 months ago but didn’t bc he didn’t believe me when i said (having opinions from 2 previous docs) i had gallbladder issues, so he ignored it) an idiot for, ya know, ignoring me when i told him something was wrong. but docs are assholes, they don’t like it when you’re right abt something they can’t see themselves. so i’m switching primary docs asap. this guy’s a fucking joke.

(it’s also been almost three weeks since the pharmacy faxed him paperwork abt the insurance company not wanting to pay for my adderall prescript bc i take 3 pills a day and they only wanna pay for 90 in 75 days (yeah, not even 2 pills a day, like this shit doesn’t work for five hours max). he still hasn’t filled it out. it’s fucking finals week and i’ve got maybe 6 pills left. how fucking grand. so that’s gotta be sorted at the same time he gets me a surgeon’s appt.)

so the guy had me pee in a cup and gave me fluids/anti nausea meds (which were nice, helped me keep down a bit of food sun night). then he basically told me ‘it’s just cyclic vomiting, you’ve just got to break the cycle’ but he was leaving so he was going to let the next guy discharge me. thank fucking god, bc otherwise, i’d probably be dead in a couple weeks.

so this next guy is eccentric af, this whole hospital is a circus, it’s fucking great (no sarcasm, i love quirky ppl). he checks out my cup of pee and orders some blood tests (that the other guy didn’t even care to do), then he comes in and talks to me and he’s fucking great, a+ doctoring, love this guy, sadly, he doesn’t have a private practice, but apparently the nurses get asked if he does all the time. how do i know? my mother asked, bc she liked him. i trusted him. i trust no docs, ever. but this one is good. he says there’s def something wrong, def not just my ed, and orders me an ultrasound for the next morning. good, great, getting this show on the road. he understands my concerns abt my primary doc and offers to explain the results of the ultrasound to my mother via phone mon night. so she calls, he tells her i’ve got ‘sludge and wall thickening’ which are Bad(tm) esp in combination with me not being able to eat anything for over a week and a half.

so, now i’ve got to talk to a surgeon and get my gallbladder removed. as i fucking figured i’d need months ago (during the summer, with my pain and stuff). now this vomiting thing has been happening at least once a semester for abt 2 years now. no one has known what is wrong. ‘it’s acid reflux, take these pills’ ‘these pills don’t work’ ‘welp, idk ^.^’ and so forth for 2. fucking. years. now i’ve got confirmation that my gallbladder is bad. like ‘could explode and kill me’ bad. this is great, i can finally get something done abt this.

except.

except it’s finals week and no only am i running v low on adderall (i just took a pill for the first time since fri morning just a few hours ago) and i’m now fatigued and unable to eat with 4 projects left to do. all of which require a fuckton of concentration. concentration i just don’t have even with the adderall bc i haven’t actually eaten much food lately and can’t fucking think at all. like, every time i eat, it comes right back up.

so, i’ve been sleeping a lot. great, right? except for ya know, all the work i’ve got? nope. i can’t sleep for longer than 4 hours without having night terrors. like BAD ones. i’d tell you abt the one i had when i slept last (from 5:30p to 8:30p) but it would require a whole host of trigger warnings just to give a summary. but it fucked me up badly. and they’ve been getting progressively worse. i dreamed my dog died. i dreamed my apartment was possessed and the demon was trying to kill me. i’ve dreamed of animal abuse and murder and even worse things that leave me fucking shaking when i wake up. but i’m so tired that i keep falling asleep anyway, no matter how scared i am. and i stay asleep, until my alarm goes off, then i shut it off and fall asleep again (into a different night terror). there is no stopping this. my body is dying and it’s telling my brain i’m in danger so my brain is trying to scare me. it’s working. i’m well aware i’m in danger but there’s nothing i can do until my mom sets up a surgeon’s appt for me. i’ve got to remind her to do that tomorrow. i’d do it myself, but i’m far to fucking out of it currently to talk to a medical professional in any capacity.

but throughout all of this, i’m falling further and further behind on my final projects. i’ve got a 10min play analysis due tomorrow at 10:30a (which i’ve got to work on tonight). then i’ve got to finish my stagecraft project (which requires that i go to the shop 3 more times so i’ve got to do that at like 11a tomorrow, then 12p thurs, then like 7p thurs, but i’ve got to find a shop employee to go with me, apparently, and i’d take goldilocks, but she obvs doesn’t want to do it, so i might ask pb or mary, if i have to). then i’ve got to do my monologue assignments for acting i (i’ve got one almost fully memorized, i just need to refresh, but i’ve got to memorize another one, read the play it’s from (i’ve got to buy the ebook), and do an analysis over it before thurs at 10:30a). then my intro to theatre final is due last, but it’s p big and i’ve got to do a lot for it. like 7pg paper plus a ‘previous action’ script (i’ve got to write up a script showing what happened before the play itself starts). i’ve got a SHITTON of work to do and only 9 hours for the sa final, then 24 hrs for the acting i final, then 26 hrs for the itt final, and somehow i’ve got to find at least 3 hours for my sc final. all while trying to get sleep and not eating anything.

plus i’ve still got to do some loan stuff with finaid this week.

i emailed my profs telling them what’s going on, but they’re not going to accept any late finals, so idk why i bothered. (i haven’t heard back bc i just emailed them like, an hour ago and it’s 1a). i CANNOT fuck up this semester bc i won’t get finaid anymore if i do and i can’t drop out. so like, i’ve got to get everything together, but i’m just so fucking sick and everything is overwhelming. i’m going to do my damnedest to get everything done, but idk if i’ll be able to. i rly don’t know.

i’m so fucking stressed over this shit, which is only making my gallbladder issues worse, so it’s a losing battle all around and i’m drowning. honestly, if i had the money, i’d pay for someone to do this for me, but i can’t and i wouldn’t anyway bc like, i’m not putting my name on anything i didn’t do myself out of some bullshit pride thing i’ve got going on. my pride’s gonna get me killed one day, i just know it.

but, tonight, i’m gonna work on my script analysis final and pray to god i can get it done in time. i’ve got like 2 hours left on my adderall, maybe 3 if i push it. i need to make a plan of attack for everything and get to work.

i’m not going to fail this semester if it fucking kills me. and it actually might.

[fuck-customers]

I’ve worked retail at everyday low prices for just over two years now. (My two years was back on 3/27/17, it is as I’m typing this, 4/26/17) and we got told all through orientation and anytime we bother to ask personnel (HR) or management that’s it’s possible and easy to transfer to different positions or get promotions. I’ve been trying to transfer to a different department (literally any open position that’s not register or involves cooking cuz I suck at cooking and standing still too long physically hurts me) and I’ve been putting in for these different positions and have been told on some of them, that I would be getting interviewed for them. But I haven’t been interviewed. And I found out today from a support manager (who started out in my department about 6months to a year after I did, she got the promotion cuz when it was available, I was still in college and couldn’t work the hours required so like, I’m not mad about that or anything ) but basically she’s one step below our “lowest” level of salaried management and is privy to alot of info they have. I found out that basically, I’m not gonna be able to leave my department cuz of how understaffed it is and that our store manager won’t let our assistant hire anyone new. Which sucks because we need at LEAST 4 people OTHER than our department manager in order to keep the department looking good and cleaned up. So because of the sucky coverage, I’m not able to transfer to an area with more room to grow. I want out of my department mostly so I can learn new things but also because I’m sick of how disorganized my department is. My department as a whole is actually made up of 6 smaller departments. We have 2 department managers, 1 has 4 departments the other has 2. Our overnight crew (idk how it is in other departments but our people in overnight in my department are like this, I have watched it happen on times when my shift ending overlaps theirs starting) plugs stuff (like puts out enough to fill 2 spots when it’s only supposed to have one), overstocks things, puts them in the wrong area, puts out stuff that hasn’t set yet (which we admittedly are encouraged to do closer to when the mod sets, on the conditions that we have the space for it, it’s in the general area it will be in, and we PRICE IT) she doesn’t price it. And if you call her out on it, no matter how nice you are about it, even if it’s just in passing “hey that’s only supposed to have one facing ya know?” She fucking reports you. So yea that’s the kind of disorganization we have. Day shift spends a good couple hours (again this is my particular department, idk about others) fixing what they do. Then we have to finish any freight they didn’t finish. Then scan our bins in the back and check/put out anything our inventory system is telling us will go out, then we have to fix the counts/whatever needs fixed if it doesn’t go out. Then we have to zone the store. Overnight is supposed to zone too but they don’t have as much emphasis on it and once again, in my department they dont. So it’s usually my shift cuz I work ‘closing’ (we are a 24hr store but anyone til 10 pm is considered closing) and so tonight we find out a new thing that adds to the disorganization.

Thanks to the new inventory system we are SUPPOSED to be getting, where we won’t have a ton of extra stuff, we are eliminating our backroom basically, and cutting down on overnight. So now closing shift (my usual shift) has to STOP ZONING (the main expectation for our shift) and start the freight. We have to start it at 8. So now that’s 2hrs less zoning we can get done. And our SM is gonna give us hell when she comes in and the stores trashed. So hopefully that won’t last long.

But back to my point, I’ve been trying to get into a different department for a little over 6 months now. And they aren’t letting me. They keep saying it’s so easy to do but literally they only thing they haven’t done to stop me is write me up. (A written coaching stays for a year and automatically disqualifies you from moving to a different position until it drops off, the even stay if you get fired. Like if you get fired a month after you get it, and are allowed to come back 3 months after that, then the month you worked is gone but you still have the coaching another 11months).

I want out of this department because it’s disorganized af and I’m the only one that really does what we’re supposed to do (other than my department managers.) Our normal folks are me and 2 others. One just started in our area (she came from our sister department that we share a job code with but she doesn’t know our stuff too well yet cuz she’s had like 2 days. I’m NOT holding anything against her cuz she’s still 'training’ in our area and already does better than the other guy that’s been there for almost 5 months and says he’s so good at everything but he really isnt. He is so slow. Takes him 6hrs to put out 2 boxes type of slow.)

But because of them not giving me a fair chance to try and transfer, I’ve started thinking about looking for a new job (preferably one with little to no interaction with people). Problem is…I make $10.20 an hour, am trying to save up to move out of my parents place, and this place is one of the best jobs in my area, in terms of pay. Like there are some better ones but vast majority either require more education than I have (I only have an associates degree, and only in my gen eds) or special certification (i.e. welding, x ray tech, etc). Literally only better paying thing that’s not one of those would be manager at a gas station/convience store. And I really don’t think I’ve got enough experience to be a manager quite yet.

So any advice? On any of this?

Tldr: I’m venting because management says it’s easy to transfer departments or get promoted but forget to mention that only applies if they don’t absolutely love you where you are, my department is extremely disorganized, and I’m contemplating a new job but there’s literally nothing that I qualify for *due to education or specialized training* that doesn’t pay WORSE than what I make now.

[lipwak]

VHS #339

Two LONG C-Span hearings. One on going to war in Iraq, the other on Terrorism and Nuclear Power Security with Indian Point being highlighted. *** TCM short on square dancing, Bob Wills and The Texas playboys are the band. *** Chris Shays Forum on Iraq & TerrorismBedford Middle School, Westport, CTC-Span2/23/03, 5:41 pm…(missed a little of the intro and I cut off some of the end)4 hrs and 2 min! See the whole thing here: https://www.c-span.org/video/?175181-1/iraq-war-terrorism-town-hall-meeting Intro. He hugs MC. Thanks C-Span. Intros his wife and mother. If Saddam doesn’t co-operate with the inspections…, 50% think we need to wait before taking action. Huge opposition to this war. Jennifer Flasko - killing innocent people will not stop terrorism, it will create more, the country is slipping slowly into facism!, a Kurdish man - supports Saddam’s removal (gets applause), duct tape and plastic sheeting, it’s more about President Bush than Iraq, congress ceded the authority to go to war. He talks for 15 min after asking them is this a good time for him to speak. Talks about the 1st Gulf War, he went to the Peace Corps, oil, Chris Burnham, his committee had 21 meetings on terrorism before 9/11 but no one covered them, 9/11, new approach to terrorism needed, diplomacy is more important than anything else, have to confront terrorists, we know he has chemical, biological weapons, Res 1441. Back to audience comments: Greenwich Peace Action rep, Judy Star - frightening time, in the minority here, Al-Qaeda and Saddam, Brit, supporter, stand behind the troops, complete confidence in W, GDI, put them at risk?, Shays doesn’t think we’ll use nuclear weapons, don’t want to be driven by fear, Rumsfeld, Saddam was our guy, roots of terrorism not talked about, appeasement, we lead the world, we need to be the leaders of this world, Kurd, who stands to profit on the war? He tries to answer some of the questions: responding to fear, an administration that wants more power also needs more oversight, respects W, trusts him, containment?, fly zones, if we don’t find the weapons of mass destruction we’ll be in a mess of trouble, Nunn-Lugar, send a nuclear weapon to this country undetectably via container ships. More comments from the audience: containment, North Korea, Al-Qaeda, cost of the war, Sen Robert Byrd. Shays: 40 countries are helping us, they meet in Tampa, there are people who are working on North Korea. More comments: (Bruce? - Round Hill dancer), when we win this war (in 2 weeks), are we willing to put up with the deficits? Just say no to Saudi oil, addicted to oil, double our national debt, man who was born in Baghdad, liberation not an invasion, Norwalk considering a resolution for peace, Tony Hayden!, why not a Marshall Plan?, work with people not fight them, get whole Muslim world against us. Shays: oil used to rebuild the country. more comments: Peace Train, Carlyle Group, I don’t like that man, (Shays thinks that was over the edge. W gives up drinking…), Zach: thinks president is scaring us, (Shays: I think we are going to see a chemical, nuclear attack in this country in your lifetime, Churchill is his model.), Viet Nam vet: knowledge our leaders have greatly surpasses ours,   fear used, Viet Cong, looks like those days, PR exercises, logic of pre-emptive action, (Shays answers that.), Arab-American, (Shays talks about Israel, will be going to occupied section in April, to interact with Palestinians.), against pre-emptive action, ends don’t justify the means, (third meeting Shays has had today), Israel and Palestine, another imperialist country coming in, (Shays: Nunn-Lugar deserve Nobel Peace Prize), money out of politics, war for oil, containment is working, (Shays asks why the French wouldn’t want Iraq to have nuclear weapons, they built the plant.), violence solve anything, when did you give up?, (Shays: military needs best equipment), Iraqi oil and France, Russia and Saudis? …, Gulf countries want us to come in.), woman of Armenian descent: father fears she will see a clash of civilizations, what do we have to do to protect ourselves?, (Shays agrees it will be difficult to figure out our position in the world.), (Shays talks about Homeland Security and Diane Farrell.), 1st Gulf war was about oil, Henry Kissinger, this one too, trust the president?, not in the public interest over and over, (Shays will stay until everyone has spoken. If we go in, we won’t go into the urban areas! (HA!)), are you listening?, it’s not ok that we’re going into this without the rest of the world, (Shays: The administration needs to do a better job…), President needs to make a better effort at selling this, man with strong accent - not sure what he’s saying, decommissioning of nuclear power plants? (Indian Point), (Shays is critical of our ability to protect them.), alliterative to oil, man whose father rebuilt the banks of Afghanistan in the 60s, Patriot Act 2 is damn scary, focus on Osama, (Shays: rather be voted out of office than to change what he believes.) war is a real messy business, don’t do it, possibly start a Viet Nam in Afghanistan…, 2 front war, correct tax benefit on Hummers vs Prius (he’s for that), wait, follow the money, he disagrees with his constituents, (Southern) man from Greenwich (Round Hill dancer), admires him, Republican against the war, one-sided support of Israel is the source of all this terrorism, we used to be even-handed, quotes a Roman warrior, can’t see how you can kill one innocent Iraqis, the Gulf War and what we are in now are two very different things, history of the Roman Republic, Shays agrees with him, going back to natural laws, where do we get the authority to kill another man, how do you justify that?, Ridge doesn’t impress him as a doer, (Shays: Give Ridge some slack. If I lived in NY, I would have bought the tape and the plastic.), Col Hackworth in Greenwich Post, Bruce? again, Indians hiding Osama?, will be in Afghanistan for 50 years maybe, W drunk driving, Bush Cheney connection to Enron, important to stay engaged with the UN, exhaust every other alternative first. Shays asks if anyone wants to join him at Sherwood Diner for a bite to eat. Many intelligent, eloquent voices. *** Terrorism and Nuclear Power Security hearing3/10/03, edited2:05 Watch the whole thing here: https://www.c-span.org/video/?175419-1/terrorism-nuclear-power-security opening statements from Kucinich, Shays, Janklow, Sue Kelly (Indian Point) - FEMA has to change, (Hubert Miller - NRC, W Craig Conklin - Homeland Security), (Nita Lowey, Eliot Engel, and others have submitted statements), Tierney, Janklow, Kelly - IP questions/problems, when was last unannounced exercise at IP?, offsite events are planned well in advance, Shays - I don’t know much more than when we started, Blumenthal (CT AG) - we’re in the stone age for planning, dirty bombs waiting to be detonated, Witt Report, shut down IP until we have adequate planning, there are other sources of power and they are affordable, Richard Bond, First Selectman of New Canaan, CT, John Wiltse, CT Dept of Emergency Planning, Shays to Blumenthal: What legal rights does CT have? Wiltse: understaffed, not a good network to communicate throughout the nation, Blumenthal: there is virtually no co-ordination between NY and CT now, Shays: would we ever get to go home, Jim Wells - GAO, IP, Michael Slobodien - Entergy Emergency Programs Director (also covers two other nuclear plants), release unlikely, plumes are monitored easily, plume would stay in the Hudson Valley, we disagree with a number of points in the Witt report, safety is foremost concern, Alex Mathiessen - Executive Director of Riverkeeper, need security and evacuation plans that work, 19% of the guards think they can repel an attack, FEMA, (Shays has palm against face), (Lowey and Engel's hearing last week), David Lochbaum - Union of Concerned Scientists, some guards working three shifts in a row, Shays: Should we shut down all nuclear plants? Are there any you would shut down? (more nuclear industry employees), windflow in in the Hudson Valley, Slobedien: plans are to direct evacuees from IP east and south not to New Canaan, no one in CT needs to leave as a result of an accident at IP, acute exposure, long-term cancer deaths, Lochbaum skeptical of Entergy’s claim of the 10 mile zone being safe, Price-Anderson Act federal liability protection, Shays gives it to them. …Adjourned. (repeated at 8pm tonight)