#45 tips

[noecoded]

ur favorite employee :3

[rooksunday]

thire gets the idea after watching a group on the senate rotunda during another long shift. he brings it to fox when fox is too tired to find a reason to say no. uggggh leave me to perish is basically an enthusiastic yes, in fox speak.

thire’s next stop is thorn.

“‘guided tours’?” thorn repeats, like the words are the name of a virulent strain of space flu. “tours of what? you know commander fox won’t have natborns in the barracks. he barely lets vode in.”

thire waved his hands dismissively. “not here. the city. the upper levels. the mids and the quarters.”

“but we don’t know anything about those places. what are you going to tell them? ‘here is where a senator threw their coffee on me.’ ‘one time i petted a tooka down this street.’”

that thorn was simply refusing to see the genius of thire’s plan was an affront. thire perched on the edge of thorn’s desk and folded his arms across his chest. he kicked thorn gently on his shin guard.

“the natties are visiting for the day, thorn. maybe a few days. but that’s all. they don’t know anything about coruscant! they’re kriffin’ coruscant shinies.” thire tilted his bucket in a grin. “you know shinies pretty much believe anything we tell ‘em. just gotta say it right.”

thire had been promoted to commander because he had the commander voice locked cold.

thorn spun his seat from one side to the other slightly as he thought. he hummed under his breath.

“we could offer one tour a day, in shiny armour. meet a group, walk them around for an hour taking osik, what are they gonna know different?” thire added, not quite wheedling.

“and you’ll be charging for this?” thorn asked.

“of course.”

thorn stopped spinning. he nodded once and held out his hand. “let me look at the rates.”

thire gestured broadly to the statue of the torgruta behind him. “and this is the original founded of bolo-ball. she was banned from playing on three worlds after dirty tackles—very gory, don’t let your kids see—and that’s why all torgruta have to wear padding on their montrals. now if you’ll follow me to—“

“excuse me—“

“—just this way, mind the speeder—“

“excuse me that’s not right—“

thire glanced at the droid following him, who had been earwigging during his tour. he gestured for his group to go ahead and waited for the droid to catch up.

“you don’t pay, you don’t get to comment,” thire said flatly.

“but your facts are incorrect!” the droid protested.

thire sighed. “they’re the facts as i know ‘em., pal. got a problem, take it up with the guild.”

coruscant had a guild of tour guides. couldn’t exhale on the blasted planet without someone charging.

“i am with the guild!” the droid said. “i’m observing your tour as part of the registration confirmation.”

kriff.

thire shifted in place. “i—“

“and for a reasonable fee of 5% net, i will gladly endorse your tour, trooper,” the droid said, proffering the pad it was holding. “coruscant rewards initiative and entrepreneurship! if you’ll sign here?”

thire grinned behind the protection of his shiny bucket. he took the pad and signed with a flourish—thank you, commander grizzer—then returned it to the droid.

“i think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship,” thire said.

[motherfucker-unlimited]

Wizard Tip of the Day: If you cast a Fireball and the shot goes off the mark, quickly open up a portal to a densely populated area in it's path. There's no reason to waste a perfectly good Fireball

[ineffable-hyperfixation]

@mrghostrat I FOUND SOME!!

Here's me actually not disliking something for once and cackling as my friend hates it 🤣 her face

You're right it's basically just...salty with a yeast aftertaste lol I'll try it on bread someday! (I went to a giant world food store and completely forgot to buy bread 🙃)

[mirrortouchedsea]

Day 5

Madara is running, mind trying to keep up with everything that just happened. Take a left and then a right, there’s a contact there that can help. He feels blood dripping down his arm but he has to keep going. The shouts behind him are getting louder so he takes a left instead of a right, hoping to find a place to hide for a moment and catch his breath. 

He has to make it to the meeting point and get his arm checked out before his date with Leo later. If he has to cancel again over this… He’ll make it. He has to.

Madara must have bled more than he thought at first. He’s stumbling and it’s harder to breathe and he almost doesn’t notice when he runs into someone else until that familiar voice cuts through the fog. 

“Mama? Mama are you okay?” Why is he here? Did he have something going on? Madara tries to turn around, find a different place to hide. He can’t talk about this right now, not with Leo. Leo grabs his hand and Madara is too weak to pull away. 

“I’m fine, Leo-san.” The shouts that were following him seem to be getting quieter. They must have taken the bait. He relaxes just a little bit. “I have somewhere I need to--” He collapses before he can finish, everything goes blurry and he has to force himself to focus on Leo’s voice. He can tell that someone’s speaking but he can’t tell if it's himself or Leo. Stay awake stay awake stay awake. 

He feels his lips moving and he’s trying to say something while Leo is on the phone and applying pressure to Madara’s arm. Please don’t leave. I love you I love you I love you. Leo places a hand on his face and forces Madara to look up at him. Leo is saying something but Madara can’t hear it. I’m sorry you had to see me like this. Leo looks stressed. Madara caused this. He needs to leave before he makes it worse but Leo pushes him down when he tries to stand. His arm is throbbing. 

Someone hands Leo a bottle which Leo then puts to Madara’s lips, cool water quenching a thirst he didn’t realize he had. His head clears just a little bit and he can hear Leo finally. Stay with me Mama, please stay awake. I love you too. 

There’s more talking and Leo is pulled away while the emergency responders put Madara on a stretcher and put him in the ambulance. He tries to grab Leo, get them to let him into the ambulance as well, but they just strap his arm to his side and begin to assess the damage. 

Madara wakes up in the hospital, Leo sitting in the chair next to his bed. Leo tackles him in a hug before he can say anything and the nurses are running in to check on his vitals. He’ll be okay but he won’t be released until tomorrow. 

“I’m sorry, Leo-san. I really wanted--” 

“What’s going on? Don’t lie to me.” Leo’s voice cracks. 

“I was… trying to protect you. There are a lot of people who want to hurt you and I can’t…” 

“I can make my own decisions, Mama.” 

Madara doesn’t speak. He opens his mouth but any words he could say die on his lips. 

“I know you want to protect me but I don’t want you to get hurt because of me either.” 

“I know.” 

There’s silence and Madara is afraid Leo might finally break things off. His cheeks are wet and he refuses to look at Leo. Instead, Leo grabs his hand and squeezes it. 

“I love you. I don’t want to see you hurting.” 

He was much more serious than the Leo Madara knew and loved. He couldn’t bear to see Leo hurting either, especially if he was the cause. 

Madara squeezed Leo’s hand and made a silent promise that he’d be more careful from now on. Something had to change and continuing to get hurt like this wasn’t helping anyone. Maybe someday they could be happy together with nothing to worry about, but he would have to work to make that happen. 

[sodafrog13]

i have such a weird sense of vanity it's kind of funny

[shayvaalski]

Mint: Baba can I [mutter mutter mutter]

Me: What?

Mint: Baba, can I listen to [mutter mutter]?

Me: Mint, honey, you gotta speak up.

Mint: BABA. CAN I LISTEN TO MEAN GIRLS.

[cardasia]

baby's first lumpy rectangle!!

(it's me im baby)

[proheromidoriyashouto]

witcher modern au where witchers have to put those colorful claw caps over their toe nails so they don't tear their work boots, floors and carpets, and blankets up by walking or instinct based kneading and they all absolutely hate it.

its their version of humans not wanting to touch their eyes even for medical reasons. melitele forbid they need to trim a hangnail or treatment for archspore fungus under their nails.

they will Ignore The Problem. this infection is for the job. i have too many toes anyway. i will just buy news boots more often. i did not stub my toe on the coffee table and start to cry. i am a Powerful Mutant.

Jaskier is sneaking the caps on Geralt when he's in a post-hunt potions crashnap. Ciri gets Geralt to trim them during 'spa day' pretend play because he can't deny his precious daughter anything, but always escapes before she can even glance at the glue because its so smelly, so Jaskier takes his turn to strike in the wee morning hours. (these ofieri rugs were a gift from the prince, geralt! you animal!)

Aiden is a fastidious groomer and forces himself into a salon chair because the smell of neglect is especially foul for a witcher and getting ahead of problems makes for an easier existence, but he's also not a complete degenerate like some Cats--read: Gaetan.

Lambert "happily" goes along with Aiden because he wants to make a good impression, and he likes to think he is the smartest of his brothers which would make destroying things he pays money for in a gig economy monumentally stupid, but his inner wolf is howling with misery the songs of his people the entire time a stranger is putting their hands on his pawsfeet. Aiden knows how much of a brave face he's actually putting on for his sake so rewards Lambert accordingly at home. (they have so many in-tact kneading blankets the other Cats think Something Is Up when they poke around)

Eskel grits his teeth and does the work himself often enough he doesn't have to wear the nail caps. The glue stench is overwhelmingly bad even after its cured, he can't imagine how Geralt's twice-mutated nose handles it. (he doesn't know Geralt doesn't do it himself and has to be "dog medicine pill wrapped in cheese and ham"-ed about it until after Jaskier goes an a rant after a particular tiff they've had. Eskel never lets Pretty Boy live it down.) People already don't like his face, the last thing he needs is people assuming he's as much a beast as they think witchers are by neglecting basic hygiene and the state of one's home.

Vesemir is an old dog of a witcher living in his mountain keep. He doesn't bother with that city-slicker nonsense and walks around barefoot. He only wears boots for jobs which he doesn't do much anymore, and if they rip, well, he can blame a monster. The floors of the keep were built with hard stone they'd be pressed to scatch if they tried so whats it matter. Until an old flame, the dignified and ever as lovely Countess Mignole, buys a home at the base of the mountain and suddenly it matters so much to be presentable. It is difficult to be a charming old man when your feet smell of neglected archspore infection strongly enough a human can be offput by it and you don't have boots that might last a day walking through town with a woman on his arm. (the boys and Aiden have to hold him down as he fights like a dying bear while Jaskier and Eskel Do Something about his horrible old wolf paws.) in the end, Mignole finds the assorted colors of the nail caps very charming indeed. Vesemir complains about it for the rest of his days when she's visiting the grandchildren out of town.

[eugeniedanglars]

they should invent a nail polish that actually hardens in less than 24 hours. or ever

[sunjoys]

sometimes a work shift is so bad that i come home and genuinely consider dropping out of art college and going to law school or something so that i don't have to work minimum wage the rest of my life

[dragon-in-spirit]

First order omen: bad

Middle-aged white suburban mom attempts to guilt trip me for making little girls wait for food during a party while also saying "oh it's not on you"

[categorised-art-tutorials-tips]

How to draw Noses / Nose

Credit: Etherington Brothers

[georgefarmer]

[skinreflectsthesun]

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[camscendants]

Me after working a 10.5 hour shift on cinema day