#27/11/23

[kyouka-supremacy]

I was reading the Akutagawa / Dazai interaction in chapter 9 again in order to answer to an ask, and seriously, I'm going to cry. That's the first time Akutagawa and Dazai meet alone since Dazai defected the pm and abandoned Akutagawa. Akutagawa went there down the dungeon to meet Dazai of his own volition. Like, can you imagine what he must have felt? Meeting the man that once held his reason to live in his hands, that disappeared without a trace four years ago. The one he feels enormously angry towards, and yet that he can't help but be endlessly devoted to, still, even after all those years. Just that very complex feeling of meeting someone you know has abandoned you, but that you just can't not love. Where Akutagawa himself doesn't even know why he's walking down the steps to meet him. Half of it, it's probably a sentiment of spite, a “look: even without you, I survived. Despite everything you did to me, I'm still my own. An abandoned dog was able to thrive even with no master.” The other half, a desire to be recognized and acknowledged; a feeling that has been suppressed for so long, Akutagawa wouldn't dare admit it's there still, and just as strong as it was four years ago. A “look at how far I've come” that is torn between wish of independence and desperate need for recognition. Maybe, Akutagawa secretly looked for an explanation on why Dazai abandoned him, I don't know. He doesn't know either. And he goes down, and he sees him, and Dazai completely ignores him. He sings, to himself, like no one else is there. And Akutagawa hits the wall at his side, close to his face. And Dazai keeps acting fully indifferent to his presence. Only then Akutagawa goes for his neck directly - doesn't hurt him, rather, simply pushes enough to demand acknowledgment -, and for the first time in four years Dazai speaks to Akutagwa directly and he tells him:

Oh, you were here? [I didn't notice you]

And GOD. GOD. I can't even???? Like that's the single most cruel thing Dazai could ever shoot at Akutagwa. My God. I'm surprised Akutagawa didn't fall down to his knees crying on the spot. And it's the same place where Dazai has hit Akutagawa at least once in the past. He must have felt so small. All of sudden, he must have felt 16 and weak and powerless all over again. Even though Dazai is the one chained. Even though Akutagawa is the one who gets to hit him, this time. And Dazai keeps mocking and insulting him, and he hurts Akutagawa, but Akutagawa doesn't retaliate, yet, because he's been suppressing his emotions for years now. And because, deep down, he agrees with Dazai's words of scorn. Akutagawa tells Dazai he will soon destroy everything that's precious to him, and in a way he wants that, he wants to take away everything that's important to Dazai so that he can feel as lost and abandoned as Akutagawa himself felt when he left; or because maybe only then, when nothing else is left, Dazai will finally notice his presence, that he's not invisible, that he can be capable of destruction beyond comprehension. Akutagawa acts detached, and distant, as indifferent and collected as Dazai is, forcing a feeling of independence he never truly mastered but that he wants to display nonetheless. And that's when Dazai tells him “Do you have it in you though? Because my new subordinate is far superior than you ever were.”; and that's when Akutagawa comes to his breaking point, and snaps, and hits Dazai in the face; not with his ability, but with his raw hands, feeling Dazai's flesh under his; the roles reversed, hitting Dazai like he did to him so many times in the past. Anyways I think Akutagawa should have one day of happiness in his life, actually

[is-hinata-good-today]

november 27th, 2023

hinata gets more and more perfect by the second, he’s always at his very best!!!

[baltharino]

@animangacreators ♡ Challenge 32 Hotel Challenge - Make An Edit About An Anime With 12+ Episodes

[gayelectrician]

somehow in the past 2 months i have dropped and exploded 2 seperate jugs of milk. it's annoying and bad of course but i do think its very satisfying watching those things blow up

[rovingsolitarything]

27/11/23

Page of Cups

Delightful surprise, inner child, intuition, studious, reflection, application, meditation, pleasant news. Creative opportunities, intuitive messages, curiosity, possibility.

Well that was a fun set at the pool - the extra laps were a real treat! Not that you minded: it gave you plenty of time to ruminate on your short story ideas…

- CJ

[yesitsvjays]

If we’re talking tarot, I truly do think I’m experiencing the tower card. Damn. Oh well, here we go again

[jackalspine]

^-^

Terrorizing my Japanese speaking friends by constantly referencing NNSG. He’s a helpful guide:

They’re nice to me: I am so.. arigatoful fo r my tomodachisu 🥺🫶❤️🫶❤️🥺

They’re mean to me: aaAauajh mY Kokoro…. Iiittaaaiiii 🥺😭😭😣😣😖😖

Mentions hamburger/diet Coca-Cola: aaUhh hAmbaga sanduich to dyet cokACOLA (happens a lot. We sell both at our work)

Saying goodbye: sayonara… kawaii.. neko girls. Nya… rwar…

[alientiime]

kuronatober

[samazine]

did it help? did it hurt?

[jtl-fics]

New king pls

The next couple hours see Andrew and Neil getting the prescription filled. Betsy informed them that the emergency hearing was scheduled but that as his court ordered psychiatrist she did have the authority to take him off the medication in the case that it presented a ‘real and present threat to his health’. By the time they got back to Abby’s house Andrew’s head is pounding and he feels like he’s going to throw up.

Neil gets him to take the sleep aids and Andrew swallows them dry as well as an ibuprofen to help his pain. He eats some very light lunch in the form of a sandwich before he gets too tired.

Neil promises not to leave his side and Andrew didn’t need the promise, knowing that it would take multiple apocalypses for Neil to leave him when he’s vulnerable. A drugged sleep used to be a thing of fear, but he falls asleep knowing who will be with him when he wakes.

[domysterio]

The Judgment Day | RAW - November 27th 2023

[moonysfavoritetoast]

how many tags can i have

[is-hinata-good-today]

november 28th, 2023

if you looked up perfection in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of hinata!!!

[mxrmaid-poet]

I was thinking abt the fact that Emma seems to fix ALL the suitors so with that being said if I was Belle, who would I realistically date in order of most likely to definitely wouldn’t want to fuck with:

1. LEON - he’s so charming and likeable. I rlly don’t see any wrongs in him as a guy. such a green flag of a man honestly.

2. YVES - i, too, pay close attention to my appearance and similar to him deciding that one day he would take care of his image, I did the same and never stopped (it’s personal for me). for someone to dote on me the way Yves does?!! damn well I’m falling for him. 🤭

3. LUKE - he pays so close attention to Emma and notices everything abt her, that id feel so special if I got to experience that. and his affection…. NEED.

4. RIO - bro is so attentive, compassionate and caring for Emma, if I were her I’d be so gassed lmao. he’s a perfect boyfriend, I’d def fall for that.

5. SARIEL - I dont even have daddy issues but i like older men sooooooo yeah id fall for him.

6. JIN - he’d be higher on the list if it isn’t for the fact that there’s so many women that just know him personally. i love how he acts in a relationship but I would be so intimidated and self-conscious of the women who’ve known him intimately (which is basically all of them)💀

7. CLAVIS - the way he acts… we would hook up for fun but no feelings after that. I don’t know man, I couldn’t handle an eccentric dude like him.

8. KEITH - I’m looking at this at an angle where maybe I go on a date with kind Keith and it goes well but suddenly alter comes out and scares tf out me. it would be a horror story. no hard feelings , keith <3

9. GILBERT - ngl, I’d be a little afraid.

10. SILVIO - nah, he’d annoy me. cus sometimes I act like him too so I think we’d bicker and end it off there.

11. NOKTO - his frivolous ways would annoy the crap out of me. i wanna send him to therapy not a relationship with me or anyone. sorry nokto

12. LICHT - as much as I love licht, I can’t see him as anything other than a friend. and I wouldn’t want to be a therapist either so uhm no…

13. CHEVALIER - he’d actually scare the shit out of me. I’d be too scared to make conversation with him. I’d just ignore him to avoid being on his bad side.

[weeping-vintage-toes]

Lowkey, I'm really stressed out rn because I'm busy pretty much every day for the next 4 weeks

[yesitsvjays]

I have such a strong love/hate relationship w my city oh my daysss. I appreciate this city but like… I can’t wait to leave